subreddit,author,date,post,automated_readability_index,coleman_liau_index,flesch_kincaid_grade_level,flesch_reading_ease,gulpease_index,gunning_fog_index,lix,smog_index,wiener_sachtextformel,n_chars,n_long_words,n_monosyllable_words,n_polysyllable_words,n_sents,n_syllables,n_unique_words,n_words,sent_neg,sent_neu,sent_pos,sent_compound,economic_stress_total,isolation_total,substance_use_total,guns_total,domestic_stress_total,suicidality_total,punctuation,liwc_1st_pers,liwc_2nd_pers,liwc_3rd_pers,liwc_achievement,liwc_adverbs,liwc_affective_processes,liwc_anger,liwc_anxiety,liwc_articles_article,liwc_assent,liwc_auxiliary_verbs,liwc_biological,liwc_body,liwc_causation,liwc_certainty,liwc_cognitive,liwc_common_verbs,liwc_conjunctions,liwc_death,liwc_discrepancy,liwc_exclusive,liwc_family,liwc_feel,liwc_fillers,liwc_friends,liwc_future_tense,liwc_health,liwc_hear,liwc_home,liwc_humans,liwc_impersonal_pronouns,liwc_inclusive,liwc_ingestion,liwc_inhibition,liwc_insight,liwc_leisure,liwc_money,liwc_motion,liwc_negations,liwc_negative_emotion,liwc_nonfluencies,liwc_numbers,liwc_past_tense,liwc_perceptual_processes,liwc_personal_pronouns,liwc_positive_emotion,liwc_prepositions,liwc_present_tense,liwc_quantifiers,liwc_relativity,liwc_religion,liwc_sadness,liwc_see,liwc_sexual,liwc_social_processes,liwc_space,liwc_swear_words,liwc_tentative,liwc_time,liwc_total_functional,liwc_total_pronouns,liwc_work,tfidf_abl,tfidf_abus,tfidf_actual,tfidf_addict,tfidf_adhd,tfidf_advic,tfidf_ago,tfidf_alcohol,tfidf_almost,tfidf_alon,tfidf_alreadi,tfidf_also,tfidf_alway,tfidf_amp,tfidf_amp x200b,tfidf_ani,tfidf_anoth,tfidf_anxieti,tfidf_anxious,tfidf_anymor,tfidf_anyon,tfidf_anyon els,tfidf_anyth,tfidf_around,tfidf_ask,tfidf_attack,tfidf_away,tfidf_back,tfidf_bad,tfidf_becaus,tfidf_becom,tfidf_befor,tfidf_believ,tfidf_best,tfidf_better,tfidf_bit,tfidf_bodi,tfidf_bpd,tfidf_brain,tfidf_call,tfidf_came,tfidf_care,tfidf_caus,tfidf_chang,tfidf_come,tfidf_complet,tfidf_constant,tfidf_control,tfidf_could,tfidf_coupl,tfidf_cri,tfidf_day,tfidf_deal,tfidf_depress,tfidf_diagnos,tfidf_die,tfidf_differ,tfidf_disord,tfidf_doctor,tfidf_doe,tfidf_done,tfidf_dont,tfidf_drink,tfidf_drug,tfidf_eat,tfidf_els,tfidf_emot,tfidf_end,tfidf_enough,tfidf_etc,tfidf_even,tfidf_ever,tfidf_everi,tfidf_everyon,tfidf_everyth,tfidf_experi,tfidf_famili,tfidf_fear,tfidf_feel,tfidf_feel like,tfidf_felt,tfidf_final,tfidf_find,tfidf_first,tfidf_food,tfidf_found,tfidf_friend,tfidf_fuck,tfidf_get,tfidf_give,tfidf_go,tfidf_good,tfidf_got,tfidf_great,tfidf_guess,tfidf_guy,tfidf_happen,tfidf_happi,tfidf_hard,tfidf_hate,tfidf_head,tfidf_health,tfidf_hear,tfidf_heart,tfidf_help,tfidf_high,tfidf_home,tfidf_hope,tfidf_hour,tfidf_hous,tfidf_hurt,tfidf_idea,tfidf_im,tfidf_issu,tfidf_job,tfidf_keep,tfidf_kill,tfidf_kind,tfidf_know,tfidf_last,tfidf_late,tfidf_leav,tfidf_left,tfidf_let,tfidf_life,tfidf_like,tfidf_littl,tfidf_live,tfidf_long,tfidf_look,tfidf_lose,tfidf_lost,tfidf_lot,tfidf_love,tfidf_made,tfidf_make,tfidf_mani,tfidf_mayb,tfidf_mean,tfidf_med,tfidf_medic,tfidf_mental,tfidf_might,tfidf_mind,tfidf_mom,tfidf_month,tfidf_move,tfidf_much,tfidf_need,tfidf_never,tfidf_new,tfidf_next,tfidf_night,tfidf_normal,tfidf_noth,tfidf_notic,tfidf_old,tfidf_onc,tfidf_one,tfidf_onli,tfidf_pain,tfidf_panic,tfidf_parent,tfidf_part,tfidf_past,tfidf_peopl,tfidf_person,tfidf_place,tfidf_pleas,tfidf_point,tfidf_possibl,tfidf_post,tfidf_pretti,tfidf_probabl,tfidf_problem,tfidf_ptsd,tfidf_put,tfidf_question,tfidf_quit,tfidf_read,tfidf_real,tfidf_realli,tfidf_reason,tfidf_recent,tfidf_relationship,tfidf_rememb,tfidf_right,tfidf_said,tfidf_say,tfidf_scare,tfidf_school,tfidf_see,tfidf_seem,tfidf_self,tfidf_sever,tfidf_shit,tfidf_sinc,tfidf_situat,tfidf_sleep,tfidf_social,tfidf_someon,tfidf_someth,tfidf_sometim,tfidf_sorri,tfidf_start,tfidf_stay,tfidf_still,tfidf_stop,tfidf_stress,tfidf_struggl,tfidf_stuff,tfidf_suicid,tfidf_support,tfidf_sure,tfidf_symptom,tfidf_take,tfidf_talk,tfidf_tell,tfidf_thank,tfidf_therapi,tfidf_therapist,tfidf_thing,tfidf_think,tfidf_though,tfidf_thought,tfidf_time,tfidf_tire,tfidf_today,tfidf_told,tfidf_took,tfidf_tri,tfidf_turn,tfidf_two,tfidf_understand,tfidf_us,tfidf_use,tfidf_usual,tfidf_veri,tfidf_want,tfidf_way,tfidf_week,tfidf_weight,tfidf_well,tfidf_went,tfidf_whi,tfidf_whole,tfidf_wish,tfidf_without,tfidf_wonder,tfidf_work,tfidf_worri,tfidf_wors,tfidf_would,tfidf_wrong,tfidf_x200b,tfidf_year bpd,NeverDoIGetAngry,2018/01/01,"I have no friends, but I have so many. Throwaway account. I am so tired of feeling consistently lonely. I have friends, but I am afraid to talk to them for fear of judgement, rejection, guilt, misunderstanding. I just want friends that I can say, ""I really need to self harm."" And have them understand what that feels like But guess what? I do. I do have those friends, but I still have that want/desire. I have a great boyfriend, but I still feel so lonely and trapped in my own mind. I want to self-destruct. I have so much anger that I need to release, and I typically internalise it. I haven't self harmed in months and I don't want to let me family down if I do. I just need help so much, but I always reject the help out of fear. ",1.1757432432432429,3.447299614864868,2.289121621621621,95.12597972972976,83.25675675675676,5.8621621621621625,21.41216216216216,7.1686216300943375,0.4447756756756753,565,18,129,8,16,179,73,148,0.255,0.526,0.219,-0.8909,0,5,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,0,9,17,1,4,2,0,17,1,0,0,0,26,28,16,0,7,9,0,3,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,8,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,11,0,0,0,4,26,6,14,27,3,7,0,4,0,0,12,4,0,2,4,91,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087660735914848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561843097374778,0.2998918194576833,0.2021291348832253,0.0951954861780892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118016568203403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691115653232775,0.14679245678703104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786324465403717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625952839119726,0.0,0.06510035418422193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350969407454714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134546860265253,0.0,0.1063607329193126,0.0,0.1959115792313216,0.2964147272169932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536485023616602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596759560824356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170337024303564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128309545577458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710316972115877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531539430828327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872036764121773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143826902221654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JustAnotherDude247,2018/01/01,I’m thinking about admitting myself to the psych ward I’m having really bad episodes and I’m ruining relationships left and right. I haven’t even begun treatment for bpd because I’m still in the process of being diagnosed. I’m thinking about admitting myself to the psych ward for a week as an attempt to stop spiraling down and help get my life back on track. Does anyone have experience or think it would be helpful?,5.313041666666667,7.043014887500004,5.835000000000001,76.97666666666667,68.875,9.333333333333334,32.083333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.2687083333333327,341,15,60,8,6,110,57,80,0.099,0.8320000000000001,0.068,-0.3597,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,11,17,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,12,14,0,10,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,35,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979975619218248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573235509258067,0.19082048738969248,0.13931523015817684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28783682255280435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23196223596395565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999959859511453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094782915574825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355495825715746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194021751714128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30636969798679103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483082511672957,0.0,0.16142382772859468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464079112840852,0.0,0.0,0.24536531712432774,0.0,0.1951710250353651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825115104588808,0.19106880572807927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43931561700933297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332017024942984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234752167053912,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,knubbers,2018/01/01,"Girlfriend has BPD, need help discussing things with her.. Hey everyone, first time posting here so please excuse any errors ive made, or if its not appropriate feel free to delete the post... My girlfriend and I had an argument over the last couple of days, she was being quite distant, and ive not experienced that from her since we've been together. So i asked her about it politely, ""i feel like you've been a little distant lately, is everything okay, i feel like ive been left in the dark"". To which she got a bit defensive and angry, things spiraled out of control a little and we had an argument over nothing. Im trying to write her a letter currently, and im basically trying to open up to her, to let her know that i am here for her to talk to if she needs me, however im not going to force her to talk. Ive not dated someone with BPD before, so this is all a new experience, and im trying my hardest not to mess anything up because i really love her. Basically i have a letter written out but i want someone whos more familiar with BPD to proof read it, incase anything ive written in there comes across in the wrong way. PM me and ill happily copy paste the letter to you. its about 3 pages long though. Im not sure how much detail i should've gone into with this post but if theres any more context needed, reply to the post and ill see what i can answer. Thanks in advance for any help, much appreciated <3 ",3.0407055814653248,4.550082768166092,4.581023017902812,84.59895140664963,74.25951557093425,7.517436437490597,25.021964796148637,8.18289091462,1.4556275312170903,1116,36,229,18,23,374,155,289,0.079,0.805,0.115,0.8147,2,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,0,4,11,10,1,0,14,1,19,3,0,3,3,47,39,19,0,7,12,0,3,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,12,18,0,2,5,1,1,4,6,3,0,1,11,5,33,8,37,26,7,35,0,0,1,1,30,16,0,4,12,145,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819247894740524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676573678739854,0.0,0.0833659528901224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435983865865057,0.0,0.07588077953927537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973552630566798,0.0,0.3369358084444305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681578187938838,0.0,0.0,0.1000165841321352,0.0,0.09866969054149932,0.0,0.05751006011591234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520988560960105,0.08014413010939261,0.0872295975709385,0.0,0.0,0.13526764891332346,0.12741230609738838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758516322550996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506798218926915,0.0,0.07132085107824239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954333588332355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816178476832306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049007874948896205,0.0726889739049883,0.1005925187350254,0.0,0.09688816115610913,0.09118678540905943,0.0,0.08713213816515616,0.17875219401879985,0.0,0.07891646831482804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804833066900875,0.08437889908358474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110677356249065,0.1983648882536937,0.0,0.0861251153191259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556516645848614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512698009137085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788662638588892,0.0,0.0,0.34161739948954645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484786752682782,0.08919845326954838,0.0,0.05712735374816288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106038874276628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376592019033161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111422633497462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404574261465289,0.0,0.0,0.14334988340711613,0.0,0.08209973422639966,0.0,0.0,0.11848691348152801,0.0,0.08761331804390714,0.0,0.05199826394773383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163053208783853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259732520743006,0.07078242562949848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974981216660864,0.0,0.0 bpd,mangosplumsgrapes,2018/01/01,"Dealing with the loss of my life I am 31 years old and a quiet borderline. When I was a child my mother and I would have horrible fights full of swearing and screaming. As I got to be a teenager it was almost daily swearing at me and calling me all sorts of horrible things. I would end up bawling in my room just boiling with rage at her practically every day. I never told anyone about what was going on, because I felt it was my fault for being a brat and for treating her terribly. I felt too ashamed and guilty to let anyone know, I thought they would think I was a terrible person. It's hard to explain to other people because trauma is easily understandable when its physical or sexual abuse, and it wasn't that with me. It was constant daily verbal abuse from my mother, and a father who was over-protective, babying, and treated me as if I was incapable of doing anything myself. The verbal abuse from my mother would make me feel so out of control, so small, so helpless. I would fantasize about killing her all the time. My mother would always tell me I was a horrible person, and though I would tell myself she was wrong, her belief eventually seeped inside me. I hated myself so much. I have never allowed myself to think a positive thought, or feel a moment of joy, because when I do, I would feel a huge torrent of guilt and self hate come over me. I was an outgoing child with friends in elementary school, but when I entered middle school my friends rejected me, started bullying me. That’s the point in my life where I totally imploded. Everyone in my life hated me and treated me as inferior. I wasn’t safe with anyone. I don’t know if anyone has seen the movie Get Out, but that’s the moment that I went into the Sunken Place and never came out. I have never been able to be comfortable around anyone, I am stiff and fake. Interacting with people is just constant paranoia. In high school I tried to put on a fake smile to the world, but my peers could sense my insecurity and no one liked me. My way of coping became to dissociate, and I've been dissociated for 20 years. I’ve spent the last 20 years mostly on the internet, living in a fantasy world to distract me from loneliness. I have also engaged in very unhealthy binge eating. I have always known in the back of my mind that I am punishing myself. Punishing myself for treating my mom badly. Even though I know this is irrational, I have not been able to stop the feelings that cause this behavior, and then the behavior itself. Words cannot describe how it feels to be stuck in the sunken place, aware of everything you are doing but unable to stop yourself, pounding on the walls and screaming to stop, as you watch yourself waste and ruin your entire life, and destroy your health and appearance. I am now a 31 year old “adult"". Or so I appear to be to other people. I am supposed to have a lifetime of experiences under my belt. I haven’t experienced anything at all. I never ever had any friends. I’ve never kissed anyone. Never been to a party. Never held someone at night. Never danced. Never giggled, been silly, or had a moment of fun. I graduated college, but only spent one semester on campus and didn’t make any friends or have any experiences. I never grew up at all. I look “mature”, probably older than my age, but I am really still an insecure 16 year old. i have a lot of white hairs, due to poor sleep, long periods of inactivity, stress and poor diet. My face looks very serious and lined, and my soft attractive skin and hair is gone. I still live with my parents, and the negative relationship, though it’s less explosive, still affects me. I have had a series of minimum wage customer service jobs that are a nightmare because I am terrible at them, incompetent and can’t remember anything. The social aspect of these jobs with the co-workers also go terribly and it’s a nightmare to be in them. Now that I’ve lost most of my life, my entire youth, and ruined my appearance, and perhaps my health since I’ve recently developed knee and other problems, I can feel myself coming into reality more, less dissociated, less in the fantasy world. The loss of my life is too great. Too horrible to comprehend. I cannot accept it. It can’t be reality. I had so many dreams. I can still feel them, taste them. So many things I wanted to experience and achieve. I do not see anything positive to look forward to in my future. I am especially upset about the loss of my physical appearance and body. My body does not produce the sorts of hormones that make for that youthful exuberance or romance I always dreamed of anymore. Part of the self punishment I engaged in was to make myself physically unattractive through bad eating and lack of exercise. I know some people don’t care a lot about appearance and view it as a shallow concern, but it has always been important to me. I’ll never get to experience the kind of sensuality that comes from being attractive and young anymore. My skin disgusts me, it’s grizzled and old. I can’t see anyone I’m attracted to being attracted to me, and even if they were, sex and romance is ruined by the changes in my appearance. This *tortures* me. Even if I grabbed life by the reins now, it wouldn't make up for what's lost. All I can see in my future is deep disappointment and sadness. It is too horrible for me to comprehend and face. I don't know what to do. **TL;DR** Trauma from my childhood set me on a path of self-punishment that involved hiding myself away from the world and people, dissociating into a fantasy world on the internet, and self-destructive and unhealthy binge eating habits. At 31, I have not lived any life, had any experiences, and I've ruined my physical appearance and possibly my health. That I've lost my life is too horrible for me to comprehend or accept. Even if I grabbed life by the reins now, it wouldn't make up for what's lost. All I can see in my future is disappointment and deep deep sadness. I don't know what to do.",5.23320275178866,6.3661000547826125,6.237823885525593,76.26803137039077,68.45217391304348,9.301045679691802,30.730875068794717,9.556441714813936,2.89105448541552,4733,186,861,100,79,1574,413,1150,0.226,0.693,0.081,-0.9996,6,1,0,0,4,0,142.0,0,4,6,10,44,82,12,7,55,0,101,33,10,13,20,190,170,90,1,19,25,7,17,1,4,10,15,3,1,7,46,67,6,9,26,7,5,20,33,53,0,2,45,33,145,29,139,104,20,148,1,18,11,2,45,64,0,27,65,633,191,12,0.0811531097118175,0.14422974713070022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04063155841698738,0.0,0.0,0.06489811251672947,0.13505177664061327,0.0,0.0,0.13796724365686386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048207834303986,0.19860449425000906,0.0,0.13356418919949914,0.03612173655095557,0.0,0.0,0.03812300898563319,0.03120086604293793,0.06775945684171038,0.09894036488878444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014281023083047,0.0,0.0,0.041433199238687636,0.046408769037605636,0.04137050196121929,0.0416832991634686,0.0429246147783811,0.10485932734397252,0.0,0.08769768142806976,0.04551005656539285,0.03239707730812435,0.0,0.0,0.026168521067431488,0.041832646345897166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0355088165949836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455983669685874,0.0,0.0,0.03593878384277991,0.0,0.0,0.10720172718289876,0.03670381691877594,0.03418749751856391,0.038772637034877815,0.036467591113129895,0.19845828339754135,0.0,0.0,0.14361707726944142,0.0,0.07791971183040018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539738250871518,0.0,0.042399150353342616,0.0,0.04612118242337309,0.0,0.032452777657099516,0.044735794976461817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036348623103280416,0.12018284199033315,0.0,0.12939294109975125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04287135801271897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053193925872683,0.0,0.04489194603130391,0.042254237793937985,0.13379888028133666,0.03307530788819952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04149227648586802,0.2866042068601864,0.019823655101643328,0.0,0.1074895240041418,0.03590897417776253,0.10222225983745337,0.0,0.177176411490915,0.06899347181432103,0.0,0.0,0.16251099269058775,0.08227651576354872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04097075332892449,0.04752277063737683,0.0,0.0,0.029828436617333018,0.0,0.3755416868416421,0.0,0.0,0.03807834800106125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703130744402452,0.0,0.05499144739971469,0.030860298417507964,0.0,0.0,0.04505546225596749,0.04394045475254426,0.0,0.14065337036181913,0.07085976517899595,0.08478772708992105,0.0,0.038357959840424526,0.04574396886063871,0.0,0.0,0.043748389024969435,0.03882628301367255,0.0,0.04079064494984117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02599438006276366,0.0,0.040064452728157764,0.04356403456350396,0.04596532672510623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319691937916548,0.12933704302356913,0.0,0.1693207845300153,0.0,0.0,0.033565345483355866,0.0,0.04060585875855357,0.04136268774955393,0.034380383253514016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028720294373393906,0.0,0.12961795649120564,0.10177145027218083,0.04648030649357512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093139485623086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391452009277923,0.05199963588438256,0.11959877738252585,0.06442650422086328,0.02366051544449076,0.0,0.0,0.038772637034877815,0.0,0.02754881723214831,0.0,0.0,0.04224162461406631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695981455344402,0.023933103356300386,0.032207780561455755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03761487287053488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02954021519953749,0.0,0.0,0.2305953629712352,0.04436409292064092,0.0,0.13064985486298508 bpd,hotnerds667,2018/01/01,"I love my BPD friend. She cuts herself up, swallows razorblades, etc. I love it. Its part of her psyche, I love it. Am I sick?",-1.9826923076923075,-0.4588908076923062,0.5072307692307696,100.68776923076923,110.92307692307692,3.6184615384615375,16.73846153846154,5.6839178017228535,-0.5317138461538464,93,3,22,1,5,31,20,26,0.147,0.429,0.424,0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,16,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36462845219186335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228808355314074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367516298827272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.78388382977337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135117554107186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SWR_TrueRomance,2018/01/01,"My mother found me after I overdosed and left me there I'm a 19 year old former uni student. I dropped out of studying for a degree in manufactured engineering just before christmas. I moved out of the city I'd lived in these past 4 years and moved back in with my mother. We argued a lot, or to be more accurate I'd piss her off by not realising x thing needed doing (because she wouldn't say anything, just silently fume) and she'd yell at me. Tell me I'm disgusting, lazy, not mentally ill, dirty, vile. She told me, a borderline personality sufferer, that I'm a manipulator. That I use people... that I'm a train of self destruction that hurts everyone in my life and leaves them. She's been this way all my life, and started saying this stuff to me when I was around 10. I finally realise that she doesn't actually believe these statements, rather she remembers things I've mentioned. She knows I'm scared of becoming a user and she decides to hurl it at me because she knows it'll hurt me. She says statements knowing that it'll hurt, and when I cry she raises her voice, then yells about me acting like a baby by crying. She takes enjoyment out of belittling me when she's hurt by something that I've accidentally done. So christmas eve I took a overdose of dihydrocodeine and amitriptyline. I took about 15 pills each. I began to fall asleep whilst eating pizza in the evening. My mother kept shouting me and asking me ""how can you sleep sitting up?"". I could still respond at this point but in a slurred way, saying I was just very tired. I went to bed. My mother promised me that she would wake me in 20 minutes, so it'd be a nap as it was only 6pm ish. My last memory is sitting on my bed as she promised me she'd wake me. I woke at 3am with no memory of what I'd done, hallucinating. Every time I'd close my eyes I'd see something, and when I opened them I'd see even more disturbing things. I have hallucinations due to BPD so it didn't disturb me too much. I woke my mother up around 11am christmas day with a coffee. Later in the day I began remembering what had happened, my overdose and asked her if she tried to wake me. She looked at me and said ""I tried, you wouldn't wake up. I shook and pulled you and you carried on asleep. So you overdosed?"". I admitted it. She just nodded. She didn't look upset or angry or even empty or defeated, just mildly annoyed. I asked her why she didn't phone an ambulance. She just said I was still breathing. My life has gone into shambles. I sleep on my mothers fold up bed in the hallway of her one bedroom flat. I have no friends, no purpose, nothing. I live with a soul destroying mental illnesses which leaves me on the verge of abusing people regularly, and in an effort to not hurt people I hurt myself through cutting and burning and using drugs and alcohol, and have done for nearly 10 years. I am heavily scarred, most are keloid. Red and purple and silver keloid scarring, raised and dents in my skin, all over from my arms to my breasts to my legs. I pissed myself the other month because the prescription painkillers, the constant use for years have done something to my bladder. I suffer with stomach pains due to the amount of pills I regularly take. I have no job, and considering the fact I can't even talk to people without stuttering and struggle to do basic things like go to the supermarket or talk to strangers it's no easy feat to get a job. Still I had a volunteer job at my old city, but I live too far away now. I'm broken, finally broken, and my own mother left me knowing I could die, because only a stupid person can walk on somebody unconscious and unable to wake and decide that theres zero chance that person will die. ",4.361692202749502,5.4993144270122825,5.168618690313783,83.11294272746355,70.48703956343792,7.930412425228251,28.4208468884458,8.263242389622931,1.8655331304439091,2917,105,579,42,52,948,336,733,0.171,0.774,0.055,-0.9982,3,0,5,0,0,2,87.0,1,5,2,2,33,34,11,6,29,0,42,32,19,5,3,90,83,47,2,8,19,7,1,2,1,6,11,10,4,4,32,42,3,1,12,1,0,12,16,28,0,2,27,18,114,6,83,43,10,95,1,9,7,1,65,43,2,8,37,379,146,4,0.0,0.07111715904928441,0.05857355820902465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414607945914104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939361960113794,0.10686596910286852,0.16833954252030758,0.0,0.05639336157911375,0.046153799690994333,0.0,0.1463572766264426,0.06629042588115976,0.05107495034798325,0.06762509953907853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559656868421087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486328322466392,0.0,0.0958465841682152,0.0,0.13186437320177974,0.0774194330307167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458830304945526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24569650364574616,0.0,0.0,0.06960734900542496,0.061418271152455226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158577875246127,0.0,0.050571766509196175,0.05735432217608007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150400574902293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581186143438163,0.046373437728599566,0.0,0.03135941627042515,0.0,0.03411231938483286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0530779310099292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855336546698007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868999156110993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194776305003408,0.04892656290018104,0.0,0.12711087863022025,0.13042981504412016,0.0,0.12718755757437095,0.05864818017842763,0.0,0.1590035979430892,0.0,0.1008080074445341,0.0,0.0,0.05102920658872511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097765501034205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047909596701344107,0.12758939584697002,0.04412363704383497,0.04450611814944374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057593459831578236,0.0,0.12596758550956422,0.0,0.040672977546704236,0.09130003183923513,0.06386845165187417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572985189113681,0.16644890491459882,0.1572286841519827,0.0,0.0,0.056740912018077364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359881792692636,0.0,0.1141907851968148,0.19093004080193707,0.060093256724977125,0.0,0.09566074172621324,0.0,0.06261683218957599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013222125590838,0.0,0.0,0.13862536599671815,0.0,0.0,0.0424844205206298,0.0,0.14380276797489366,0.0,0.0,0.06274882412882041,0.06871170320764278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025929556123508,0.09648804640466348,0.05246254039057824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595058263686525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0349997557410069,0.068987336255811,0.0,0.05735432217608007,0.1333749962257938,0.0815030320316494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555211863914095,0.0,0.049525065490053616,0.0,0.09528655073094612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564170255658109,0.05416120757949587,0.0,0.0,0.05785980152450027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263844863152222,0.0,0.0,0.15461076555260642 bpd,holyhearts,2018/01/01,"It wont stop. I have very little patience for anyone anymore. I don't trust anyone and my views on others are warped to the point where any interaction in real life with someone I'm completely dead inside because I have always been isolated and alone with my intense thoughts and feelings. I've learnt overtime people just don't care and allowed myself to be slowly buried into a pit of expressing myself less and less. I'll hide and never reach out, because every time I do I get nothing other than finding out I was lied to, manipulated or they'll never care as much as I do. I grew up with an unstable family full of abuse. I wasn't brought up right and I've never known how to interact with others properly. I was always bullied in school by other girls and I've been beaten up multiple times. I had no security growing up and while I'm an adult now I feel like I'm slowly fading away. My feelings are so intense that when I feel down I'm immediately ready to get a knife or pop some pills and end everything. ",4.176666666666666,5.532347783251238,5.55696551724138,79.32625287356323,71.16748768472907,7.9749096880131365,27.819047619047623,8.447377352677275,2.031320131362889,812,29,152,13,15,273,124,203,0.195,0.7390000000000001,0.066,-0.9793,1,1,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,1,0,5,0,17,2,0,3,3,36,31,18,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,17,0,2,7,0,0,3,8,1,0,0,8,5,19,5,28,20,5,31,0,0,1,0,6,17,0,3,12,102,25,2,0.0,0.18055745714155474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578302792547976,0.0,0.0,0.25360169303959,0.0,0.0,0.10363055546761127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113012086804306,0.21310952939649894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317560069198915,0.0,0.0,0.18579129182818133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107439117126819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977821577277074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497247729759984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839530833520799,0.0,0.13695847736939853,0.0,0.14365990956383087,0.0,0.3082122372484015,0.10886758279990953,0.0,0.0,0.1392818736656293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592351701031127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763769851829487,0.07445014972869038,0.15273500558205555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202432452273152,0.0,0.3525981292472077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622249811705149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564817062837524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440579872260774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345339965810916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014039034921168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422700887506752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291197141914405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740502314062366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209807893939234,0.17771989156069432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573786705197448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ElsaOnMars,2018/01/01,"sore throat taking trileptal Hi, its been only 4 days or 5 since i have been taking trilepatl and my throat hurts..I have read that it could be because of the med and you need to call your doctor but how would you know that its caused by trileptal and not normal sore throat? should i stop the med? should i lower the dosage? thank you...i am worried and want to avoid talking to the doctor as much as possible because i have social anxiety aswell.",2.963522727272725,5.095663761363639,2.913636363636368,93.76545454545456,76.1590909090909,5.3090909090909095,21.227272727272727,5.985473137389443,0.05499545454545497,353,9,72,2,8,106,58,88,0.199,0.7509999999999999,0.05,-0.92,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,11,7,3,2,0,19,17,9,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,7,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,44,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558289962906845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320164755314228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432280986950864,0.0,0.0,0.19549578518941133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519431569309304,0.0,0.0,0.12273106198385345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38957071842348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458671971350797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227721849977931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989616355964238,0.1411088387354344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864586167579133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473562293259312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21454043440803286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035662412844145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574223658422262,0.0,0.0,0.1939921091042211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910360568149678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28617154025785146,0.15296005073161995,0.0,0.17520739067024882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224689327757953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326409192485927,0.0,0.13518730057902775,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Residentofsadness,2018/01/01,"Having a really rough time. Just need to vent. Just want to preface, that I have no idea how to express myself and I hope this makes sense. Little back story. I was diagnosed with BPD at 19, but of course being the iamverysmart teenager that I was, I rejected the diagnosis along with PTSD. Fast forward to recently, I've been seeing a therapist and psychiatrist to help treat depression. I stumbled across this subreddit and /r/BPDmemes and couldn't help but really relate to what I've read. To some degree I don't want to accept that maybe just maybe the doctor was right after all. I do plan to discuss this with her at our next appointment. Which brings me to today. I can feel my depression sneaking in on me, but I know what triggered it. I tried to discuss my past diagnosis with my husband, and how I was currently feeling very lonely. His reaction was less than supportive to say the least. I feel like I'm just burdening him even more than I already have. I feel like he hates me, or at least doesn't like me very much. I feel like he wishes I was out of his life. Whatever the reason is, he just won't talk to me about it. At the same time, I don't know if I'm losing my mind. Am I wrong for wanting to discuss this? Have I done something wrong to justify this response? I just don't know. All I know is that I'm currently hiding in the bathroom crying trying to get this out. I don't know. I'm sorry. Thanks for reading.",2.5517743232377406,4.56701166202091,3.88642857142857,86.85953296703299,76.97909407665506,7.202841061377647,24.27887965692844,8.139509932561175,1.4385750201018492,1125,38,228,20,26,369,148,287,0.158,0.7140000000000001,0.128,-0.9447,2,3,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,2,11,18,1,0,9,0,25,3,0,5,2,52,52,12,0,8,11,1,6,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,15,12,0,0,13,2,0,2,8,9,0,0,8,8,38,9,39,41,9,25,0,5,1,0,17,13,0,4,16,156,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209416933723366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842724072061282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380320767129587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038584286495435,0.0,0.0,0.18878940826638885,0.11123743260198174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217594786885496,0.0,0.1121545568457086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238699395334826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770746537417201,0.23488578969307164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725928342587595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820316531664066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469195125209553,0.0,0.0,0.10885336072103176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372032101783595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30115493448364644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774107564651329,0.2141718928879093,0.10984378599291247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260966951880177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315604921909495,0.0,0.2202074286518582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066051831142842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056552511967957,0.08126389889814016,0.0,0.0,0.116556379335839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462159454553073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281116283044284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192509214361555,0.0,0.1404197549327902,0.11268273816362515,0.10821263326958803,0.0,0.0,0.09359421654568227,0.0,0.08715498103118836,0.0,0.0,0.08733366520595161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437220315978645,0.0,0.12268352820015388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436801795046787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808895466437833,0.0,0.10090109031602904,0.0,0.1272491738417104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781238761135738,0.0,0.1038840061046603,0.0,0.0,0.14881671173100536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085602978869494,0.1939273315977403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602976420027254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396516108747551,0.0,0.0 bpd,Esh299,2018/01/01,Pregnant in UK Hello all. I am looking for some advice regarding accessing services particularly in the UK. I am nearly 4 months pregnant and my mental health has been getting worse since being pregnant but it has always been sketchy. I am single as my partner of 6 years left me and I’m struggling to accept this I feel like actually stabbing him to death but then I just want him to see me again. I can not control my emotions and I end up being abusive to medical staff verbally but more to Myself like head banging and wanting to kill myself because I’m a horrible person. I do compulsively text phone and bang on front door of my ex. My midwife suggested to refer me but I’m terrified they will involve social services and then my baby will be taken. Does any one have experiences of being pregnant with bpd Thank you,3.9173508137432194,6.1761554367088625,5.316491862567812,77.04708860759494,73.74683544303798,7.299095840867992,30.90596745027125,8.192908349453996,2.6065916817359858,661,31,111,11,14,221,106,158,0.187,0.732,0.081,-0.9753,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,1,1,2,6,1,1,2,0,16,3,1,1,1,21,27,13,2,2,6,1,1,2,1,2,2,0,1,2,2,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,3,3,23,4,18,18,4,13,0,0,2,0,12,6,0,1,8,81,25,3,0.0,0.21714182825113007,0.17884248593039906,0.0,0.0,0.17908672231178974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249310703081687,0.0,0.0,0.12462807481429895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171806863972973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23081879750322856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055499038793976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037848310477115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615108891728548,0.16232046545165812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927062348437114,0.0,0.0,0.09266547300926486,0.130926223378968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574962038527704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808516212484336,0.1948046110607805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275815694570032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19912049972011628,0.0,0.0,0.1790703289865683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389840744123426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184622563028676,0.18469037246183756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462822412702782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418669169262025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002197119367134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604034123392134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160063639712182,0.0,0.0,0.18681797239469008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915908140045112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872794272263522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161916493052272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676507509228715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801815746089485 bpd,PdexpertPhD,2018/01/01,"BPD Favorite person Hi, I have created a new video for those diagnosed with BPD who have a favorite person. The intent is to help you learn and grow and I hope this video help you do that. https://youtu.be/iLKTVvBjnsk ",3.725384615384616,6.9406671794871855,3.487897435897441,83.94876923076926,82.33333333333333,6.196923076923077,20.620512820512825,7.554174236665415,0.9812112820512819,176,5,31,3,5,53,29,39,0.0,0.64,0.36,0.936,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,20,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.669842713913494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26990676919912465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564858521926632,0.0,0.0,0.2641220515562058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568305870240735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643883107858947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jneeny,2018/01/01,"Coping with the death of a psychologist My psycologist passed away today. He had a blood clot go through his lung. When i got the news i screamed for about 2 minutes then cried histerically then went into shock and just stared. This man has been more of a father to me than my own father. He has been my saving grace during my dark days. My emotions are all over now. One minute crying, next just staring, then laughing. I really dont know how i will cope with this. Has anyone been through something similar?",2.988350515463914,5.577620257731957,3.3991855670103104,87.96888144329898,78.38144329896906,5.9418556701030925,22.07113402061856,7.1686216300943375,0.7193142268041237,403,12,78,5,10,125,74,97,0.14300000000000002,0.7979999999999999,0.059,-0.8176,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,10,2,2,1,1,11,14,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,6,3,11,3,13,7,3,14,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,8,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133430106515644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24365543441054885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5697385336868105,0.167250763730887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039407656838651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917189630504887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738706411041827,0.0,0.20741530766497032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425247078078222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27580759944148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757333085918242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613777702626936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965011735684807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24582093667764124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404077860963608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,myndsplyntur,2018/01/01,"Almost Done With IOP... Here's What I've Learned A few months ago I was frequenting this sub while waiting for my Intensive Outpatient Program for DBT to begin. Once the program started, my entire world ended (check my post history if you care, not getting into it here). I graduate the program on Thursday, and here's what I've learned so far. 1. This sub is not helpful for recovery. While it *feels* better in the moment to bitch and get it out, that doesn't solve anything and this entire subreddit is toxic to recovery. I'm NOT saying this subreddit is bad - because it is not! - and it totally serves its purpose, but if you genuinely want to get better, this is not the place to do it. 2. Group engagement seems to be the only way to truly learn and use the skills gained in DBT. While self teaching may be the only option for some and is probably better than nothing, our perceptions are quite distorted and we really need someone to guide us and help answer our questions. 3. You are the only person that can make yourself feel better. Don't ruin someone else's life because you feel shitty about yourself and want someone else to make you feel some level of worth. 4. Radical Acceptance ... sounds like a simple concept, is much harder to put into practice, but once you do life is so much more clear. Life happens and there isn't shit you can do about it alot of the time. You can either be upset by it, or accept it. Acceptance does not mean agreement! 5. Expectations will always lead to disappointment and resentment. Do you expect someone to console you when you're sad? And what happens when they don't? We cannot expect anything from anyone for any reason. We can only have expectations for ourselves, for that is all we have any control over. There's tons more but these were the biggest things for me. I appreciate this sub for all the times I felt like I needed to vent. I hope you all seek real recovery if you want to get better from this bullshit and have the option to do so.",4.380828970331589,6.149213348167546,5.037256544502618,81.62742059336826,71.27748691099477,7.711134380453751,27.91657940663176,8.344100000000001,2.0414217102966847,1577,58,286,25,30,507,191,382,0.092,0.73,0.17800000000000002,0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,7,12,1,10,12,22,3,1,15,0,36,4,1,6,5,81,63,28,0,13,14,0,5,2,0,2,3,2,0,2,25,21,0,2,17,0,2,2,11,8,0,0,4,7,30,14,40,54,14,31,0,3,0,0,27,12,2,14,17,198,55,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309271126377303,0.0,0.09386464871090712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799717796976738,0.0,0.0,0.12748954127291726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554349733302936,0.0,0.15427608720918062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826696613524324,0.11428312074946136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41451637198304464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955717128477216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051346696694299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203039030948624,0.09592609209836243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661144440828398,0.0,0.08302367548593476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958615325466996,0.0,0.09000277941047179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589607234427697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657836696216136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256606515642519,0.0,0.0,0.09310257023356518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19862888043756846,0.09159089608061838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514112867651625,0.0,0.0,0.10210770767716564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482044420452792,0.0,0.13781581774185447,0.13901045965879152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899437387197506,0.0,0.0,0.1996549326290833,0.0,0.2851666224903733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184804158881408,0.09793582289677027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977469276798522,0.0,0.10106496840101588,0.0,0.0,0.094232161110203,0.10500754548053373,0.09970145759136123,0.0,0.10669389088410164,0.060050695767283564,0.0963778469906474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454388811620279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533517475507152,0.09778874216599323,0.0,0.09622028159898134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31769419853590936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634794350160549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227508476280946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931827658314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112754770387111,0.08095917485006357,0.0,0.0,0.16586656480508674,0.07440453002400936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LooneyBin17,2018/01/01,"I have never been this bad Suicide is CONSTANTLY on my mind. Everything hurts.Like I can't even cry,I'm stunned into silently suffering. Take the worst pain ever and amplify it by 100.I dunno how to deal with this.",3.4540243902439016,5.979324097560978,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,76.3170731707317,8.002439024390245,27.32317073170732,8.841846274778883,2.468556097560976,172,7,31,4,4,55,39,41,0.379,0.595,0.026,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,8,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27091863051843285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506364551834672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345139936840826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430916414698706,0.2935014026946283,0.0,0.0,0.2916124273473718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276218818905329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502510209002823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34525861738608976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35491716744203544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439608193539165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bluecowboyboots2,2018/01/01,"Guy I was talking to for a year just ghosts me and I’m panicking and can’t get over it I was talking to a guy seriously for over a year. He got distant a few times but then came back. In September he went to rehab, I know he’s back but I haven’t heard from him since then. I have texted him excessively, I’m really embarrassed and I think he’s blocked my number. I’m so embarrassed and sad, I don’t understand why he’s doing this to me, he knows I have had issues but so has he. He unfollowed me on Instagram and won’t accept my follow request, it’s just sitting there unaccepted He doesn’t even open my snap messages. I can’t call him and I don’t understand why he’s doing this. I know I can do better but it hurts me a lot. I don’t know why someone would do this to me :/. I know I’ve overreacted to him but this is just cruel.",-0.7296870520783578,1.3626913681318698,2.278504538939324,92.82084328714764,91.36263736263737,6.022360248447206,18.90205446727186,7.423996415210882,0.5065224080267554,647,20,153,13,23,228,85,182,0.17600000000000002,0.774,0.05,-0.9722,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,2,5,0,21,1,0,0,0,29,38,15,1,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,7,8,0,1,10,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,7,1,26,2,13,29,2,16,0,2,0,0,22,5,0,1,7,96,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398524964823925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793697686293765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592560966252561,0.17838061124691024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301237254383226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148445340416546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473820002514233,0.0,0.0,0.30885662633957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696207421281134,0.0,0.0,0.16278529711711812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285671031516544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259452824866413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999141649463476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901455841638598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214730549511847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507149895112881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993506643277572,0.0,0.0,0.09094352845224646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247268555049973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457965927051036,0.4221982026642743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079194366311694,0.0,0.0,0.20087066692843947 bpd,Mood-Behavior,2018/01/01,"Online questionnaires interested in peoples experiences on Mental Health e-communities (Chance for $50 amazon gift card) We are looking for individuals to participate in a study investigating how online communication of self-injury may be associated with the behavior. It is NOT necessary to have a history of self-injury to participate. In this study, your participation will include filling out several questionnaires online. Participation is completely voluntary, and you must be 18 years of age or older to participate. This study will take about 1 hour to complete. You will have the opportunity to enter into a $50 gift card lottery upon completion of the study. Please click on the link below if you are interested in participating… https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/selfinjury_ecommunity3",10.753089430894306,13.680300406504069,11.133495934959353,39.582845528455294,57.13008130081301,13.596747967479676,38.86991869918699,12.650343791298138,6.4850260162601625,662,31,80,25,9,223,80,123,0.0,0.856,0.14400000000000002,0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,4,0,1,2,3,0,0,7,0,13,1,0,1,1,12,15,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,24,8,0,16,0,0,2,0,5,10,0,3,4,57,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6563527540996549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20411717952762504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180414724874906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054957811974659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752284242121611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028809506039006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466400070486876,0.0,0.0,0.2290546173288631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353721142548643,0.2357352547771617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689224033514504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343752421102341 bpd,nonneutralmilk,2018/01/01,"Dealing with heart break with BPD I need some advice because the emotional pain I'm feeling right now is so intense I don't know how to deal with it. I've been through break ups before, they're never easy but most have not hurt this much. For context: I'm a young woman that's been dealing with BPD for a few years now. About a year ago, I got out of a very emotionally abusive relationship. I avoided dating for a while because it destroyed my trust in people. I met someone a few months ago who I instantly felt at home with. I pushed him away at first because I didn't want to deal with the pain all over again, but he didn't give up on me and we were very happy together. Then on christmas eve he dumps me with no explanation. Not a particularly fun situation for anyone to be in, but with BPD it's even worse these emotions are so intense and I don't know how to not go back to unhealthy coping mechanisms. How do you heal?",4.073165991902833,4.8895959684210535,4.953157894736844,85.58248987854253,70.89473684210526,7.740890688259107,28.299595141700404,7.882392219407189,1.5752712550607288,734,26,156,9,13,239,120,190,0.204,0.7,0.097,-0.9756,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,1,12,9,2,1,9,0,12,4,1,3,2,32,24,12,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,7,12,0,1,4,0,0,2,9,6,0,1,8,2,15,3,31,15,6,32,0,1,0,0,14,12,0,2,16,103,22,0,0.0,0.13141765508638134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838610549093436,0.19664118050362825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755524217394552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420949655806212,0.08528777315912843,0.0,0.20284060509658533,0.0,0.0943815852336533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190855169919301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573992590186409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742976595142409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732591571148975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608260402166237,0.0,0.10649702316067608,0.0,0.0,0.09434533142995664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640100294185434,0.06303627820686339,0.0,0.08870988181524563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807244294478444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143632629183752,0.0,0.0,0.11125807278225816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873817217228892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191337397147775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853231679659207,0.0,0.08153622827038011,0.08224301648697797,0.08554547320115159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360454850079301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689538315364107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190825758693812,0.0,0.09472189740859828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467454635753945,0.0,0.0,0.09397900442937504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830350948128264,0.06542129591009004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130331655505556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285289606375415 bpd,The_Lion_from_Orion,2018/01/01,"I have realized that I’m in hell As in this is actual hell in a very literal, non-metaphorical sense. Maybe in a metaphysical sense. Trial by fire or outright torture? For 30+ years now I’ve pushed forward, isolated completely. There was no help when I was younger, especially not for males. Now I struggle with every aspect of life, not for lack of trying again, and again, and again. I am a joke or a threat to neurotypicals, and a shame to my family. Typical BPD reaction to blast all this on the internet in a moment of weakness, but the joke is I’ve been on the internet since 1995 and probably have spoken less than 10 pages of text to anybody ever. This last outing was just as demeaning as all the other attempts to break out of my shell, so here’s goes one last futile attempt to collect my fractured thoughts into a cohesive collection. I’ve always believed the way out is through, but the deeper into hell I get the more I’m looking at the emergency exit. “The easy way out” hah, well easier than 40 more years of this shit I suppose. The only question I keep wondering is if i do it, does it all just end (yes please if only), or do I just get reborn into a new, more twisted hell? Can’t help but feel like the latter is the true reality. Is my reality just this stupid dumb reality? Is everybody else the real reality? Anyways, sorry for this meaningless wall of text, for those of you that read it. I know this sub is supposed to be a safe space for venting thoughts, or at least I’m hoping so. I hold so much of this shit inside because nobody wants to hear it, and the little that leaks out always makes people hate me for not just “getting over it”. I’m tired and worn out so going to go sulk in my pity party now, but thanks for providing a space for me to shuffle my thoughts out into the great void, where they can be swallowed by the abyss. I know, melodramatic.",3.613742257557547,5.134502310991959,4.9908181566053464,82.18965147453083,72.80697050938338,8.254747157252472,27.071184247018586,8.841846274778883,2.0717577701765744,1474,53,291,29,29,492,200,373,0.192,0.6890000000000001,0.119,-0.9866,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,1,1,2,23,24,11,2,26,2,21,6,2,1,5,57,46,24,0,5,18,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,18,17,1,3,9,3,0,4,5,15,1,1,8,4,22,9,58,36,11,49,4,1,1,0,7,28,7,9,17,198,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.1206562321464179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575920343446027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537068809248464,0.0,0.0,0.13930158860751146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572209405624662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963572131378612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819947725570317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328657679980184,0.0,0.10950963726411096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118407816627048,0.1041732649775729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165581672702236,0.0,0.06251683857556484,0.08832948569175192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379268351760812,0.0,0.1405365851963898,0.0,0.0,0.13631514917214366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207034689234413,0.0,0.0,0.13935291450455856,0.0,0.1657485324593267,0.0,0.0,0.12280387052198626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098982130722876,0.0,0.0,0.1359002288451767,0.2015685886913053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733162165122249,0.06040497332705187,0.12392122745101528,0.0,0.0,0.10382768881002956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253163647584105,0.0,0.12421446787226945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089070148866216,0.0,0.0,0.11941369518053399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378265502410745,0.188069807834772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571742235730608,0.0,0.0,0.1357211972626476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330640886380746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850673495557314,0.0,0.1236749218835538,0.14073105316800893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538323694700836,0.10227749566059167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840649487049975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925690230366108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383244714375433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944725316090041,0.0,0.14210767303465016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394443716697822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201715554841928,0.07292693816848426,0.1962816761856392,0.0,0.0,0.11116852375300128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408389215828878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592420965299703 bpd,smokestacklightnen,2018/01/01,"Sexual abuse - 11 years on, I'm no longer ashamed, I'm enraged Trigger warning: discussion of sexual violence I have a lot of problems. It was because I had so many problems that I came across so many predators as a young girl. These assaults happened and I was told I was a slut, and I believed them. Even when I grew older and gained more knowledge, I felt like a dirty piece of garbage. I stayed silent and now there's no chance I could lay criminal charges against these monsters because I was made to believe it was my fault. My faultiness. But each year since these crimes, I have learned more and more that I'm not at fault. I was a victim. I knew this intellectually, but not emotionally until now. Now that I've been talked down to and demonised for showing my trauma. People close to me have made me feel like my behaviour is crazy, but they have no idea of my history and I'm fucking tired of it. My own boyfriend can't even listen to my history because it makes HIM feel uneasy that the world can be a meaninglessly cruel and incredibly painful place. I'm tired of protecting people, including my attackers and abusers. It just hit me emotionally - this wasn't my fault. The abuse wasn't my fault and the trauma that followed wasn't my fault. I'm tired of hiding the scars on my wrists, I tried to kill myself no less than a month after I was stone cold raped. I was raped and no fault of mine can justify that. That has hit me emotionally. The shame was stifling and choking the justifiable fucking rage of someone who has been wronged. I'm tired of everyone in my life dismissing this and dismissing my pain. Why should I be alone as a victim of crime and someone with a mental illness? People who are mugged or frauded are afforded some fucking sympathy. People with cancer are afforded some understanding. I'm tired of the shame I've carried for this. I don't deserve to carry it a day longer!",4.779430894308941,6.222928406504067,5.121571815718159,82.68528455284553,69.8130081300813,8.393495934959349,30.739837398373986,8.841846274778883,2.434944715447154,1518,63,294,27,27,481,179,369,0.401,0.569,0.031,-0.9995,3,1,0,0,5,1,37.0,0,0,2,1,10,32,13,3,17,0,33,17,1,4,0,45,59,24,1,4,7,0,3,2,0,1,10,1,0,1,22,19,0,1,8,1,0,3,12,30,0,0,21,5,42,2,34,32,10,25,0,0,0,6,10,9,3,4,14,193,64,1,0.0,0.31579974666411786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201643804261148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107380739690376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624769306696098,0.0,0.0,0.200195373269218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161480413460296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093535841321448,0.0,0.0,0.05729755815338629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998153887666365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173623297544741,0.0,0.0,0.08489503168870155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984521970894292,0.06347075627601569,0.08530495874017822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464068099589839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856517981722268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002949861544363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829362850576193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275372294544622,0.0868101814445082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553268779115399,0.0,0.16813423138198755,0.0593046064153409,0.18014940295908186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953468078828691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091508670727177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890743023777023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463752428961285,0.0,0.09282392595113964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002498560183954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734933521774241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055585325038615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469675562161804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141009993943456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105702478338019,0.0,0.08489503168870155,0.0,0.060319800012716585,0.0,0.0,0.09249058961265713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016863000566106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713786222356643,0.0,0.1144263007825857 bpd,BPDgirl21,2018/01/01,"I feel like such a failure in life So, its new years day. And it finally hit me this morning while lying in bed.. My sister put a little review on FB about how wonderful her year has been. And i am so so so proud of her, she really deserves all the lovely things. But that made me realise that i dont have any ""good"" things that happend ~ or that i actively did ~ this year. I feel like years are merging together and im not making any progress. Im not getting better. Im not learning. Im not doing anything in life. Is this the rest of my life?! Feeling like i do. Not achieveing much in life. Just plodding along until i get old and wrinkly? Fuck....",-0.014967320261440875,2.2506162962963003,2.016688453159041,94.74803921568628,89.74074074074073,4.657952069716776,21.274509803921568,6.2272716619740125,0.2585424836601309,500,18,109,5,17,166,86,135,0.08,0.7509999999999999,0.16899999999999998,0.9133,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,0,4,8,8,1,0,4,0,10,6,0,3,1,22,21,13,0,0,8,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,11,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,3,14,7,10,17,3,17,0,0,0,2,5,6,1,2,13,71,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360792225484908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504214967978476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289290927252205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232139837297188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960068519571632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362563681424425,0.2735719416756451,0.0,0.1398304433540836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800708336263754,0.13338000026516733,0.0,0.0,0.10706378357950973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5515202679010177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36064184181460623,0.1870848189653868,0.12793527379562664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152059020466155,0.12078215449144772,0.08520499454794049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383482571640143,0.0,0.0,0.12328173390558154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394347365860884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831993539694214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177358250743673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696052549247449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384271267134984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288005071996959 bpd,Parker620,2018/01/01,"I need help I just. I have made so many mistakes. I've done and said things that can't be changed. I've put the people who cared about me through more abuse than I can imagine. Emotional, mental, and even physical. I want to control myself. I don't want to say the evil things I do in the heat of the moment. I want to be able to stop, calm down, and make smart choices. I just want to know that I can change. I'm so scared, and I feel so alone. I know I'm not alone. I know I have options for help, but even that in and of itself feels terrifying. I just feel so much shame and guilt because of my past. Fuck, I can't even have honest conversations with anyone. I can't admit to myself, let alone other people, the way I've hurt others. How do I help myself? How do I push myself to confront this thing and get help? Please, I won't make it another year of just ignoring this.",0.6235561877667131,2.614012783783785,2.2398008534850646,96.3466998577525,83.32432432432431,5.192034139402562,17.844950213371266,6.339386263674448,-0.3605675675675677,675,15,158,6,19,220,96,185,0.255,0.621,0.124,-0.9853,0,3,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,15,13,3,3,5,0,17,1,0,6,0,37,38,14,0,6,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,13,8,0,3,8,0,0,2,6,9,0,0,3,5,26,4,19,31,2,10,0,1,0,1,9,3,1,1,4,104,39,0,0.12195125113190668,0.14449229097515093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789141527989261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787651993727048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527115029925164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743403507794206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433742815381015,0.0,0.2580165070774326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677869786979488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247984704779753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717874333373906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416429536689477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498665039219606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274196657516712,0.06371449536415003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269654120466802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055133659247484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010636549640578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247034167324276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539322247890453,0.16280681419506435,0.12363942764201555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289817790058118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964820147274853,0.09042530747561656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641626827709865,0.1690912848806876,0.0,0.0,0.13386585246943247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259469054914456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160035663819528,0.09698052966490273,0.12209447695080852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019567065618252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24305697721895084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877200302622588,0.0967992267850081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853260740012236 bpd,cowboyvapepen,2018/01/01,"im scared of turning out like my mom i recently found out that my mom is an abusive narcissist who has been playing me my whole life and is the reason i was sexually abused as a child. she almost allowed my teenage sister to be beaten and raped by her new husband but i was able to intervene and stop her from being in the same situation i was in. the thing is that every resource i can find about narcissistic parenting also says that bpd is very similar, and children of narcissistic abusive parents turn out to have bpd and become abusive themselves. i dont want this. im afraid im a bad person just because of this. im also afraid of accepting the uncomfortable truths that my friends will always be closer to each other than they are to me because of how i am, no matter how much i care about them and put them on a pedestal, and that i will never love as much as i love others, which is something ive learned from a lot of posts here. i just dont know what to do. i dont know how i can live like this or if i even should, if im going to turn out just like my mother.",5.670967261904764,4.794851066964289,6.598035714285714,81.00529761904764,67.34821428571429,9.430952380952384,31.61309523809524,8.59863814320734,2.2331648809523807,845,29,181,11,12,283,123,224,0.191,0.703,0.106,-0.9714,3,0,1,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,12,16,2,3,9,0,26,4,0,5,2,39,37,19,0,4,7,7,0,3,1,3,1,1,0,3,14,12,0,1,7,1,0,2,5,6,0,0,5,1,29,10,29,26,6,15,0,0,0,3,21,8,0,5,7,135,43,2,0.0879981130839077,0.41705349778597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811739895243456,0.0,0.0,0.14074411848071686,0.07322147946767307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347474874142385,0.1072856659339882,0.09718700224055647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22166108581839292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971994105584516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093993994757744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812192376195065,0.0,0.07414220560068849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042868113845618,0.0,0.0,0.09648538894809316,0.06798712387986948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001135558289657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752653134132036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672292320288628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621556696845438,0.12897429928924348,0.0,0.07770394605325873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481284890163513,0.15884346546789022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20612465299032284,0.0,0.0,0.12937747661866938,0.0,0.06786956972190224,0.08498912596738861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542298141021253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683655809941704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842778674091982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846240889125041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047671631529508,0.08688752049889481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997963150995963,0.0881014625919388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891356608271876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774524665081899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357036283281643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058462036178733474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871500332230147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260765920216382,0.051903567049381656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824675066439297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlineeb,2018/01/01,"Progesterone only pill was my one temporary hope and it hasn't helped I went on Cerazette just over a month ago having read that it could be good for BPD, and having discussed my 'PMS weeks of hell' each month - where I fly dangerously close to accidentally killing myself - with the nurse. However, this past week I've been completely nuts again, crying for no reason, drinking more than usual, self-harming almost daily, causing arguments with my boyfriend for no reason, wondering why I'm even with him, constant suicidal/delusional/paranoid thoughts - all backwards stuff. Then what do you know - I'm on my period now and the rotting feeling in my chest and the tightness in my stomach is all but gone. But it didn't work, it was supposed to quell the crazy. Has anyone taken antidepressants for this exact reason? I can usually control my symptoms enough to avoid meds but enough is enough. ",11.075821428571427,9.217085725000004,9.475535714285718,67.83875000000003,57.375,12.392857142857144,41.60714285714286,10.914260884657429,4.539151785714286,716,30,118,13,7,219,115,160,0.147,0.821,0.032,-0.9418,1,1,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,0,2,5,6,3,1,5,0,14,6,2,5,3,30,24,8,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,9,1,3,7,2,0,2,4,4,0,1,8,2,13,2,17,14,7,23,1,0,0,0,4,8,1,3,13,81,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806167116921193,0.0,0.1333668997193041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312699888739746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774355663840726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681907847226138,0.0,0.0,0.13964336334126995,0.1439271386615455,0.14937982658423046,0.1063384701174728,0.0,0.14629896131370762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047192715601094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128513351377221,0.0,0.08796833394999963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734302486753488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171039887023193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927200892983576,0.0,0.0,0.13228410608760433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735097293384186,0.0,0.07319573973308299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794002003434353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261616202095365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025052368789888,0.10129422755871599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714144993082702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332224010308466,0.0,0.0,0.410813277350619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389424192093465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524665163954719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843162305415996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057350919143784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933719158259888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136681268815521,0.0,0.0,0.12346508904717887,0.1201799731039014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443492488887305,0.09696125552881234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Observante,2018/01/01,"Is CBT old hat? I have a CBT resource online that comes highly touted. But, based on your experience, is there something significantly better in circulation now?",5.747777777777778,9.222114148148147,6.712592592592598,62.9666666666667,74.18518518518519,8.044444444444443,27.51851851851852,8.841846274778883,3.001651851851852,130,5,18,3,3,43,25,27,0.054000000000000006,0.8290000000000001,0.117,0.4151,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844877947395567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744857236310522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252542663653282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593214147495242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561812707159045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33468025581358146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throwaway28393828,2018/01/01,"I don’t want to abuse you. Just put through my poor boyfriend through another episode. The pain of being abused is something I know all too well. Something I’d never want to experience again. Yet, here I am, abusing my dearest person with my own harsh, manipulative, passive aggressive words. I’m getting better. But the progress is so gradual. At this rate I’m going to break the person who means most before I learn to be a decent human being. Why can’t I just stop being a crappy person already?",3.4810409356725174,5.9058852210526345,4.4256140350877216,82.13374269005851,75.73684210526315,6.3274853801169595,28.450292397660817,7.3871296695380915,1.8197836257309945,396,17,70,5,9,128,69,95,0.247,0.609,0.14400000000000002,-0.9246,0,0,2,0,2,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,8,4,1,0,5,0,9,1,0,1,2,15,17,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,9,2,9,13,3,8,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,47,11,1,0.0,0.5992593325663608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604468122883075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767826677150001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345877078311306,0.0,0.0,0.14910529592042013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491463212967353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808199087772164,0.0,0.09581431551410828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265336415293643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836453394605882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002799646896665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939301954035766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416222356872131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948081206467094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595796239285507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094986778086105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19887902223861675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158381705693144,0.0,0.15212741687550765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NaruTheBlackSwan,2018/01/01,"Actually screaming Looks like I'll be bringing in 2018 with suicidal thoughts, tears that just aren't falling, and actual, unbridled screaming. It would honestly be preferable to be all alone than to have to see the stumbling, slurring, dying husk of a body my mom used to inhabit.",8.286733333333338,9.118482739999996,7.666,69.78633333333336,61.6,11.466666666666667,42.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,5.2514666666666665,227,13,36,6,3,71,44,50,0.228,0.655,0.117,-0.7688,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,1,1,8,11,1,2,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,2,8,6,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.5367715189905871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28484405243401184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054919501069536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28543362705431435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436383977249092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309526215281211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221071950013905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191601603786226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30083386877426466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833996923998567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375342105637269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953706206277391,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,knockofftoothpaste,2018/01/01,"BPD with other personality disorders So I have been diagnosed with BPD as well as dependent PD and Histrionic PD. I personally find that they all overlap. I attach to people and feel like I have to have their approval for everything I do (DPD) then anytime I feel like I'm losing them or they are upset, I resort to the whole, I'm going g to kill myself (BPD) so you will care for (DPD) and love me again. I also feel as though the HPD is linked with my self harm as attention seeking but I am unsure. I've been very confused with that diagnosis because I'm not provocative but I always want people attention and will dress weird so people notice me blah blah blah. Anywho.. i was wondering if anyone else has been diagnosed with other personality disorders and how they interact and overlap with your BPD. ",3.3079437229437225,5.791243344155845,4.888025974025975,78.30394372294373,76.59740259740259,8.002770562770563,25.201731601731602,8.841846274778883,2.242755497835498,641,23,114,15,15,215,90,154,0.138,0.777,0.086,-0.794,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,2,5,2,8,11,1,2,2,0,14,3,0,3,1,31,25,21,1,2,5,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,0,4,4,12,0,0,8,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,4,3,22,5,16,19,2,5,0,1,0,1,13,2,0,5,4,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621353772709697,0.10010929981648978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841250131905651,0.12327395764526912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334113551843195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6061154802980755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226661977329045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24422848476329995,0.0,0.0,0.2757761650690041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050531603232812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812875189474888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825002283856668,0.17190196731235965,0.0,0.0,0.10996307384760412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837613534547142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310750576951685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755682339878545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459845801660675,0.0,0.0,0.10858636170712577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697611590526682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502277708417805,0.31515563824564674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551175264273512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182060210337862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927007726267026,0.07096318994190562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817502098359992,0.0,0.0,0.13432415583189514,0.0,0.0,0.13047333326124202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wmgay,2018/01/01,FP has other NYE plans She went to a party with a guy she barely knows and I'm here alone. I don't have anyone else in this place. I've binged an entire package of oreos and feel awful about myself and want to self-harm further but am trying not to. I know it's just a dumb holiday but I can't help but feel betrayed.,1.1574761904761883,2.578613414285712,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,79.14285714285714,5.238095238095238,17.38095238095238,5.46131890053228,-0.5694761904761907,249,4,57,1,6,84,55,70,0.224,0.6859999999999999,0.09,-0.8954,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,14,12,6,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,6,0,7,11,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31489347716323585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125916555591614,0.31152464349422426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539861893323982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074632559406663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010471437661669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379142891132415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33418457967379844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176568168522374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31717975753546235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064230258402236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793305161133801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818478851233661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,raeraebadfingers,2018/01/01,"Happy New Year's everybody I am spending this new year's alone, but I not upset about it. I have not felt well, so I am cuddled up on the couch with my new cat, Moby. A warm steam vaporizer on the floor. Cold water galore. Dayquil. NyQuil. Cough drops. Basically a pharmacy. I'm watching Ash vs Evil Dead on Netflix. Scary movies and TV shows are far less scary than real life. I've made progress in 2017. It was a shitty year, but it wasn't my worst. I've made it through worse and will continue to push through. 2018 is a year of many new things. A new semester. A new counselor. A new place to escape from home. I hope everyone finds peace of mind in same form this night and the upcoming year.",0.3522284434490466,2.772536929078018,1.6985367674505412,96.10263157894735,91.05673758865248,5.237924598730871,19.47779022023143,6.8360192770164,0.2444524822695037,541,17,120,8,19,172,95,141,0.198,0.644,0.158,-0.8662,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,10,0,8,4,0,2,0,17,13,6,1,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,7,4,1,0,2,3,1,1,3,3,1,0,5,4,7,4,16,7,4,25,0,0,1,1,0,9,0,1,14,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989123338050447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061251960570433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114662699828576,0.0,0.10580147041596463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322742350235122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611554153415905,0.1149746342736587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176388266261655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906760142720166,0.0,0.1173612811632849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688341579087075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7826041728654626,0.0,0.10863181709903763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094333584559287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175888756732435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690502074220701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408108724028786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796813391608545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37272444532247184 bpd,ikerunner,2018/01/01,"Happy New Year! It gets better. Hello! 2016 was the absolute worst year of my life. I lost all my friends and felt very alone, etc. I thought life would never get better and I would be utterly miserable forever. 2017 was better. Am I completely happy? No. Do I magically have tons of friends and got rid of my BPD? No. But it was better than 2016. I’m happier. I’m healthier. I’m more content with myself and spending time with myself and working on me. I honestly don’t know if I would be diagnosed with BPD at this point (haven’t been to therapy in almost 2 years so this is just a guess). I’m 23 now and I just wanted to encourage you to give it time. You might not ever be completely fixed but I KNOW it will get better. Give it some time, focus on yourself, and I encourage you to put yourself first and remove people from your life that don’t help you stay in a good mental state. It’s hard and 2017 included a lot of alone time working on myself and learning to be content. You got this!!!",0.3812852951961858,2.8032948366336683,2.515896589658965,90.35020718738541,90.73267326732672,5.962889622295562,20.35276861019436,7.3871296695380915,0.8920918225155847,775,26,160,15,27,260,108,202,0.075,0.736,0.189,0.9756,0,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,6,0,9,5,16,0,1,4,0,20,4,0,0,3,36,38,14,0,5,6,0,2,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,10,13,0,0,5,0,1,2,7,3,0,1,9,2,23,13,20,20,7,23,0,2,0,0,14,7,0,6,12,107,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399421212703587,0.21512167325185585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592496121825357,0.0,0.0,0.26159952804950765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217776698416313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540904898008176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582403085045336,0.0,0.09394137638903004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099715582624322,0.0,0.0,0.08833767754455571,0.0,0.0,0.16047381031949695,0.0,0.16277739795016669,0.19925135342331105,0.0,0.08710733278915055,0.16612215604178976,0.0,0.1144062656214716,0.0,0.0,0.22110782237270296,0.09303227758913242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696107673882758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415026218077047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006425433284424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336829079628592,0.0882924753907477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465983445440287,0.1101720812000722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800981703334214,0.10030229329754624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199889447348491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817506312378346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440138525277144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069394205093493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876545220843585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244802571671328,0.2422310891369269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568995911004174,0.061255445871670214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121307306069925,0.0,0.0,0.22132349853133726,0.0,0.0,0.20063461875940194 bpd,IxFlowerxI,2018/01/02,"Girls: are you overly flirty and sexual? I am, definitely. I don't get into relationships because of my mental health issues, but I flirt, a LOT. Doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl, I do it. I have gotten better at controlling myself, though. So yeah, I have had quite a few sexual encounters with friends in the past (no sex, though. I'm still a virgin. I just keep it to kissing, touching, etc) I wouldn't do that with strangers. It makes me feel good knowing I can please somebody else. Any other ladies relate?",0.6834453781512586,3.1964359999999985,2.637703081232494,89.12823529411766,90.9607843137255,5.2672268907563025,18.07002801120448,6.868970318607317,0.3474851540616246,400,11,79,6,14,133,78,102,0.011,0.728,0.262,0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,6,1,11,4,0,2,0,16,18,7,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,13,5,8,15,3,6,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,3,2,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491882923849675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990693899572395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847421279641247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23901557867016146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780220317870087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23766860611708024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775238147057888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464453247260769,0.0,0.11133866030539713,0.0,0.0,0.1787425132294385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100763131175687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265208397646693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224264401521953,0.0,0.1894176744652048,0.0,0.0,0.11711703305953795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811744022606124,0.0,0.0,0.14224936160498455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21475989730783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343300647122334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339254919842428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266635892364143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287952095915601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170186071029562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41874951225711904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Youtakethestep,2018/01/02,"I fucking hate work right now I removed myself from all the gossip a long time ago but I'm still left with the paranoia and I don't trust anyone there. I feel completely isolated, even the people who I once considered a friend have long been distanced, partly because I had time off a year ago from the after effects of a bad drug experience, but mostly because I've closed myself off. There's a lot of shit that I feel most people there know of about me that I wish they didn't know. All I can say is fuck it, accept it and move on but some days it feels like everyone is a trigger and I become so angry sometimes it's difficult to keep it in. I look miserable most of the time and I can barely focus on the work. I need to save up this year and actively search for a new job. Eventually I wish to move out and live in a different place altogether and start fresh and put the past behind me",3.162298136645965,4.444811130434786,4.478105590062111,86.36565217391303,73.56521739130434,7.648447204968945,24.01242236024845,8.192908349453996,1.2410726708074544,704,20,149,11,14,233,111,184,0.199,0.664,0.13699999999999998,-0.9307,2,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,3,8,13,4,1,15,0,9,4,1,2,2,34,24,12,0,3,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,9,11,0,1,7,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,3,5,19,5,22,21,8,32,0,1,1,2,5,12,3,5,17,100,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22747559140940776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971632765443348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713228716846973,0.15643141308791633,0.14170672253293426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452908275763073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274840574118908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405513488956675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487971929679252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474659299840072,0.0,0.0,0.1226043265016976,0.0,0.12551039101493644,0.0,0.0,0.19462998775129747,0.0916636600632774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913087426660527,0.2372383901979952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667813803868927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732644630039078,0.11404654250761095,0.0,0.0,0.14103005674524272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394076245913214,0.0,0.0,0.06268508072723049,0.0,0.11329880816601855,0.2270980738540473,0.10774687407839174,0.0,0.0,0.10908334835723853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727433845099168,0.0,0.09513917057838148,0.0,0.1239212056563622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366444276124103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389456656318704,0.12248503781643336,0.17790599827287726,0.0,0.13405513488956675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898554068288975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095748081722108,0.0,0.10203611590769494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170689179238948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690044552126567,0.0,0.09081745833828483,0.0,0.10246738082217144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244532574463784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950970208611869,0.0,0.0,0.1868203179472453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525301024649594 bpd,ohwaititgetsworse,2018/01/02,Do you ever just feel like you create problems for yourself? Acted on impulses. Dealing with the consequences. On the verge of tears.,3.3567391304347822,6.4076715217391325,3.5829347826086964,79.61614130434783,94.65217391304348,5.778260869565218,27.48913043478261,7.1686216300943375,2.4559652173913054,107,5,15,2,4,33,20,23,0.163,0.674,0.163,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287722805644085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639429410485562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25933515058288736,0.3664123297772263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505746165457753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907712996500959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,riggamaurice,2018/01/02,"[Vent] I am legitimately angry That when I got diagnosed at a university clinic, I was not told about the structural dissociation model of BPD, which would have alerted me to the chance that I might have dissociative amnesia, i.e. trauma related memory lapses. Nor was I evaluated for things like freeze, which while not self harm is a significant impairment. My functioning has improved GREATLY in the short time I've known this and I am so angry at the waste of 3 years of my time on ""mentalization."" Or maybe DBT would have helped more than transference based, I don't know bc it wasn't given where I was diagnosed.",7.315410872313527,8.175259150442479,7.726953223767384,68.41637168141595,63.69026548672566,11.766877370417195,32.072060682680146,11.491704259439757,3.941076864728192,496,18,87,15,7,163,83,113,0.106,0.7759999999999999,0.117,-0.1901,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,15,3,0,0,0,9,19,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,7,1,11,2,11,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,6,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973679215311294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792863357130805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888359685919164,0.2603082936187896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825723669135236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297579795346771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534972912655984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372007540685285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793985923099945,0.25047172708219995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463106138965109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685869373743827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753512441094225,0.0,0.0,0.2256099168676935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354466232411365,0.0,0.0,0.15204487055084398 bpd,HiMoonrise,2018/01/02,"New Jersey, Medicaid, Finding Therapist or DBT class Hey all! For, 2018 my goal is to find a good therapist, and just fucking try my best. I'm looking for resources or recommendations for anyone who might live in NJ and is on Medicaid. Do you know of any great therapists who have experience with DBT or of any DBT classes? It's always so hard mustering up the courage/mental energy to make the call/email. That whole fear of rejection vicious cycle thing, you know? Anyway, I know it's what I really need and I'm hoping I can keep the momentum for the new year. ",3.854454638124359,5.761105862385322,5.263608562691132,78.89635066258921,72.94495412844037,9.248114169215086,27.70744138634047,9.725611199111238,2.783097043832824,445,17,84,12,9,149,77,109,0.094,0.762,0.14400000000000002,0.7875,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,2,3,8,2,1,5,0,6,1,0,1,1,19,17,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,4,13,16,3,6,0,1,1,1,5,3,1,5,3,50,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954813643092408,0.0,0.0,0.21175166738393564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088633993649158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338904792746878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897884148616234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152296557145477,0.0,0.17519667704017478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845991595043943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439346565560066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305869824080611,0.0,0.1716508739127153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946936506850613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463719053223546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383861179763789,0.0,0.0,0.2566925963975645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747880372962135,0.0,0.13074198743730692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392555495526416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516450646420494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544357412638005,0.0,0.3007364223179674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997402204865332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5423109018432408,0.10343478298954492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570458299998964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17382445085099615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026048168184136 bpd,Hdhshebebbebbs,2018/01/02,"FP turned off his phone after I apologized I didn’t take my meds for a few days and texted my FP while he is on vacation a bunch of stuff about being suicidal. Today I’m back on my meds and I texted that I hope he’s having a nice day but he had turned his phone off. Then he turned it on so I took the opportunity to say I’m sorry. He turned his phone right off again. I feel terrible. What do I do?",-1.03184882533197,0.956655314606742,1.6193871297242095,97.86317671092957,91.35955056179779,5.483554647599592,13.70888661899898,6.980632752743323,-0.6090539325842697,309,5,79,5,11,106,56,89,0.097,0.7909999999999999,0.112,0.0633,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,17,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,13,3,11,13,2,16,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,8,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963719666727436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745638133516967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524541441132658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674503553359988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745364376089158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397704135321954,0.0,0.1340714925685796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887254583130254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929980335684182,0.18441278973697006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267605498145433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980594095329054,0.0,0.18731242857556055,0.0,0.733520744339208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cattbug,2018/01/02,"Lorde - Melodrama She wrote this album after ending her year-long relationship, describing all the different feelings and phases one goes through after such a breakup, but it really resonates with me and a lot of the lyrics just perfectly describe what it's like living with BPD. I really recommend it to everyone who's into that kind of music, so many feels. *The truth is, I am a toy that people enjoy 'til all of the tricks don't work anymore, and then they are bored of me. I know that it's exciting, running through the night, but every perfect summer's eating me alive until you're gone, better on my own.*",6.5889901477832495,7.048304844827587,6.945270935960593,74.7839655172414,65.20689655172414,10.076847290640398,31.226600985221683,9.957137785484203,3.0685014778325126,486,17,85,10,7,158,87,116,0.033,0.6920000000000001,0.275,0.9884,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,4,3,10,1,0,8,0,4,1,0,0,5,19,9,9,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,6,1,0,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,2,10,8,15,7,4,12,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,9,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250522494554426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069995529538828,0.0,0.0,0.28580869853822943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370921464834549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23220466814941054,0.0,0.0,0.20099143344774215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911971802470369,0.2168400558650153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294838940908785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363112747665096,0.12471405478036407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086587883672644,0.0,0.2003821609983637,0.20082471975679894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929266285019641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300700395809813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21295717132600853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377273043777848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732375726429965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29075261607384123,0.0,0.0,0.2436364511384189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520676446046825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613461447959578 bpd,ObsessiveWeirdo,2018/01/02,"How does one develop a thicker skin? Hello, at work I am pathologically nervous about being perceived as not a good teacher. I teach in a very low income, gang infested area. I get very good test scores, the parents like me, the kids love me, I have great classroom management, good reviews, etc. But I'm at a new school with a new principal. She or her assistant are always in my room critiquing and saying I need to do this or that instead of doing what I know gets good test scores (this is 3rd grade, and the whole school's ""rating"" depends on my 3rd grade scores). She put me in 3rd grade because of my good track record with scores (and more importantly, teaching struggling readers how to read), but now she's buzzing around me so much that I am freaking out. At my other school I was always on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but this year at this new school I actually did have a nervous breakdown. I had literally been getting 2 hours of sleep a night because I'm trying to please my new principal. Then I became suicidal and was in the psych ward because this pushed me over the edge. Now I am so nervous when they come in my room, and really 24 hours a day, because I'm trying to conform to what they want me to do. How do people not get nervous about these kind of things? Other teachers just let it roll off their backs. I am literally a nervous wreck and it's not good for me or my students.",7.2030318602261065,6.059388748201437,7.137738951695791,79.25625899280577,64.39568345323741,9.813360739979444,34.965056526207604,8.634040054169528,2.6981718396711205,1104,42,222,13,14,353,145,278,0.161,0.792,0.046,-0.9826,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,1,15,19,0,7,16,0,19,4,2,4,0,29,31,20,1,2,10,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,15,11,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,9,0,1,5,2,34,10,32,24,4,37,0,1,0,1,12,20,0,4,15,148,49,18,0.0,0.0,0.09613258605343128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393819016696326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769573067683284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574892590021506,0.0,0.24020571602681914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848585570882767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353148532887433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620769415041749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986587427660133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587185585987075,0.0,0.0,0.4957584295338186,0.0,0.10860879355386427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402710492007605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258411171082002,0.05413910335060887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073423515340674,0.0,0.0481275288736955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891007952164913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241696534757035,0.07304470419293012,0.0,0.3805703898981469,0.0,0.09244595830018157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675364505097446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093848762765257,0.0,0.0,0.06829516664371224,0.0,0.0,0.10813556368388172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903082617884136,0.0,0.0,0.09853772042371124,0.0,0.06310870879310064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783399503922804,0.0,0.39879381571629613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858220544209756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298515097527483,0.0,0.10775511276050324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544637225507341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133765089230842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625638860126772,0.058104376660689634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998408261346568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171722634707584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634378940717264 bpd,imasexypotato,2018/01/02,"Unconscious harm? Hey everyone, just recently this happened again. The first time - that I can remember was at 15, I woke up with a burn on my arm(pretty bad burn) but had no memory of it happening - I was on no medication or alcoholic drinks or really anything at the time. Just recently it happened again - three years later- I woke up with scars on my arms - I have cut in the past but not in this place (also all my scars have faded away in and near the area) - only ones that have stayed are on my legs and that’s only two or three. I’ve been somewhat up and down mentally but in the past four - six months I’ve had a massive - majorly Massive boost in mental well being (to the point where people can tell). I have no idea what to do and I can’t really hide them due to summer heat. ",3.277890295358649,4.578322886075952,4.631075949367091,85.31133966244727,73.30379746835443,8.810970464135021,23.926160337552748,9.2995712137729,1.7667198312236283,608,17,129,14,12,202,95,158,0.112,0.847,0.041,-0.8563,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,1,0,8,0,15,5,2,0,1,19,20,11,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,5,3,1,7,7,0,12,1,23,12,3,37,0,0,0,0,3,21,0,4,15,96,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327426129848474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217729116737162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257240788717432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435408762562501,0.0,0.1275640626028765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966523200706106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598685788021773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995371814887255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053058292869599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246886653526902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539087442214378,0.30793054574782314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194672030584346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352698745958427,0.2323905900527325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916896380147427,0.1059177046478094,0.0,0.15962151160273794,0.0,0.14442551397166795,0.0,0.0,0.15543114268098188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574824712043232,0.0,0.3017016129809754,0.0,0.17306879627505334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284205953704506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353555821863916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817329796064282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924285899178608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373666466068174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838465089076336 bpd,Emz_1997,2018/01/02,"Sometimes I’m not sure whether I’m lying without realising. It’s difficult to explain but I guess my head is so foggy all the time that I’m not sure whether my memories are made up or not. This one time my mum told everyone that I tried to punch her and I don’t know if it was me or her who was lying. I’m also not sure whether I’m making up that I have BPD symptoms or not, I don’t even trust my own memory. It’s like I either have some kind of amnesia or trouble believing my own memories, or maybe I’m just struggling to see through the fog.",2.9872478991596623,3.407245067226892,4.886880252100841,86.52006827731094,73.11764705882355,8.639075630252101,29.160714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.0453773109243696,429,17,99,8,8,148,69,119,0.197,0.764,0.039,-0.9593,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,8,2,1,2,4,29,21,13,0,1,18,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,4,1,14,6,8,17,5,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,8,3,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393080464222955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686555328326446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424290951992451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713503894313238,0.0,0.0,0.18392840671109928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204478208759567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754593719210112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044431404652385,0.10578514794569363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403882678280932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213469431921986,0.12848574942053032,0.0,0.19337783273100045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130433342641465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338624137591458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037335322201596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012279250651188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442466945955787,0.20006642160524546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448000654450487,0.0,0.0,0.18392840671109928,0.0,0.13068520605720732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554941813016665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lelchel,2018/01/02,"It's not all about you? Whenever I'm venting to my mum, i'm usually crying, yelling, speaking with an angry tone or whatever and she'll say some suggestion and i answer with the same emotional charge i started the rant with and she always says ""why are you taking it out on me? ""Why are you speaking to me rudely?"" ""Stop yelling at me"" and it enrages me so much because i feel she is making it all about her and its fucking not its because im angry and upset and im not suddenly going to calm down just to answer her. I end up always yelling at her saying shit like ""Stop making it about you"" ""you think everything is about you"" etc and then we'll storm off. Am i being selfish? I mean i definitely do get angry and feel she does make it about her when im trynna vent and yes i do reply rudley and aggressively but its because im upset and venting and cant just calm down to answer her and just get angrier the more she says that kinda stuff. Does this happen to anyone else? Am i being inconsiderate? I feel what i feel but is it unreasonable? Am i in the wrong? Is this a bpd thing? Idk help ",1.28100808003078,3.4066531415929227,3.435979222777992,87.9296633320508,81.7433628318584,6.0543285879184285,21.3305117352828,7.255503002510835,0.7119925355906118,854,26,178,12,23,291,114,226,0.17600000000000002,0.76,0.063,-0.9739,0,0,0,0,3,0,24.0,1,6,0,0,10,12,5,2,6,1,16,2,1,3,2,46,34,20,0,0,9,1,4,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,16,18,0,2,9,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,0,13,34,3,23,30,7,18,0,0,0,1,26,9,2,3,9,126,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19423666545264465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161160887773784,0.11959089971690907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21344976385397088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470016396929865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820872306204384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428058930118573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750251715958984,0.1312915084176008,0.10337708555469254,0.0,0.13017089577963972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048981875115106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23606355500743104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790347319051333,0.12196018130992865,0.0,0.0663332604982192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321292389029356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823329822236562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042998330753089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057022288189114825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23372956731712,0.0,0.0,0.1271396041015329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580081222676791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712738495020562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980886445625552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261326653630689,0.0,0.0,0.1951621581082152,0.0,0.0,0.13361364428873834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775705482388298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754193882371938,0.07478787862089309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854786654863032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063882820387855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761229343420866,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinealterego,2018/01/02,"I spent about $600 at the bar on NYE and now I hate myself! Memories come in and out. As far as I know, it wasn't TOO embarrassing, and I was a super happy drunk. That money doesn't even include drinks other people were buying me. But I hate getting so drunk that there's gaps in my memory, and when I get that drunk I always end up feeling so full of shame and self hatred and anxiety the next day. Plus I'm broke. Fuuuuuckkkkk. Plus now I'm having another glass of wine! Luckily I don't get that drunk that often. Just needed to bitch a bit! Happy New Years y'all, I'm starting it off great over here. ",0.5735095613048351,2.7439826220472483,2.9998256467941498,89.71253937007873,84.98425196850393,5.8332958380202475,16.945444319460066,7.1686216300943375,0.07749088863891984,471,10,103,7,14,162,88,127,0.231,0.616,0.153,-0.8848,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,12,10,3,2,4,0,6,7,0,0,0,16,20,14,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,10,7,0,2,7,3,1,3,6,0,0,4,1,12,4,16,16,2,20,0,1,0,0,2,10,1,1,9,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753469273044544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111271873803829,0.15402793564364126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981596666671632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344039571077752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985049868418866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972408859546198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833140023706653,0.0,0.0,0.13298609518890986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180579207551484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155824589578812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219829417091836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286697733094496,0.0,0.3975718746329993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065363153403783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929434148425688,0.0,0.19445970237001087,0.21413208244591844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958687413806334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004614907512006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425126218303303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965920972958245 bpd,dream-kitten,2018/01/02,"having BPD is so tiring aside from the symptoms themselves, having to constantly analyze and correct my behavior is just so, so tiring. it's exhausting to have to stuff my feelings back inside and remind myself that they aren't appropriate and they aren't based on reality. I constantly feel myself sink deeper into a place that I know I shouldn't go and then have to drag myself out, only until the cycle repeats again.",12.161153846153846,8.766726141025643,11.644871794871795,57.88346153846157,56.82051282051282,13.989743589743593,41.384615384615394,11.855464076750405,5.024123076923077,341,12,52,7,3,113,54,78,0.064,0.936,0.0,-0.5667,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,9,4,0,0,1,12,13,9,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,10,0,9,12,0,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820452333482967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29817685821288925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116827480912532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23941463958391346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454981353735074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011096310081358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800581502732002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473521334618532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710207637928229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460726794327992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442158960193709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thepoisondoor,2018/01/02,"Don’t know what to do anymore Tired of being such a fuck up and having nobody around that can understand why besides a therapist I only see once a week. It just keeps getting worse. Days spent just numbing myself with anything I possibly can and no amount of drugs or self harm seem to do anything anymore at the same time yet I can’t stop this cycle of self destructing when part of me still wants to slowly kill myself. Why am I this fucked in the head? Sorry, if this makes no sense at all to anyone. I’m currently in tears due to my boyfriend basically blaming me for my BPD. He says I have no right to blame others but I DO blame myself more than anyone else for it. I guess somehow he just can’t see it. Is it really my fault that I have a disorder that literally makes me hate myself? I haven’t been able to eat all day. I feel sick. I can’t do anything. I just want to disappear and waste away. Happy fucking new year. Doubting I’ll make it to next year if this continues. I’ll probably regret making this post later and end up deleting it. I just don’t know what else to do anymore. 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People don't really know what it is and they don't get it. I posted an article on Facebook about it today and deleted it a couple hours later because I just felt so uncomfortable. I'll get the urge to post on FB how sad I'm feeling during episodes or I'll spam my Snapchat with sad snaps and I just want to be able to say ""I'm sorry I'm like this, it's the BPD."" and have people just understand. Any time I use my BPD as an excuse for my actions to friends I feel so pathetic or embarrassed because I know they don't get it. ",2.51408731808732,3.1286385459459467,4.5664864864864905,87.66968814968818,74.35135135135134,7.854469854469856,25.041580041580037,8.139509932561175,1.2304386694386698,661,20,154,10,13,229,87,185,0.181,0.728,0.091,-0.974,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,13,7,0,2,7,0,11,0,0,2,0,28,31,17,0,3,8,0,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,15,6,0,1,8,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,1,5,21,3,20,27,0,13,0,2,0,0,11,3,0,3,6,94,36,0,0.3391433902932728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687637837394039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673866290763704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5695189703962351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508523691637627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148108825098546,0.08076136859652254,0.10854361315574908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734044735300953,0.0,0.1771884238010032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132930806841608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425622529286336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045888646863672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134924329255378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653708000601254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242131336156521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990014539338928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523799235658867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654775311833286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086353686481102,0.1976175143108938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510393294531305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591907939963547,0.0,0.10715609300075092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353734865528973,0.0,0.09763699981149157,0.0,0.0,0.2000355584972256,0.08973207912978891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Adorkablebunneh,2018/01/02,"Help How do I help my FP see that he isn't hurting me and that I am beating myself up?? I've tried explaining it, I don't know what to do.",1.8063636363636348,1.1146443333333345,4.4328787878787885,92.6693181818182,75.36363636363637,7.8121212121212125,25.59090909090909,7.1686216300943375,0.775618181818182,105,3,29,1,2,38,25,33,0.08800000000000001,0.6759999999999999,0.236,0.6147,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,8,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6434071364315206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51380151257271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637705920657859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824618151807157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258577867059841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IllKeepComing53,2018/01/02,"Nothing looks familiar. Dissociation? How do I get out of this? The past 24 hours I haven't known where I'm at. I do but it feels like it isn't my stuff. I'm really numb so nothing seems to get my attention since I don't feel anything. The last thing I remember was arguing with my sister (an argument I started) and she was gas-lighting me pretty hard. And now I'm just numb and can't relate to anything. This has been happening a lot the last 6 months the last time I started thinking I was someone else and was convinced I was a Shaman and that crows and animals were trying to communicate with me. That lasted about all day and then it just whoosed away and then shame and embarrassment came over me along with fear because I didn't know why or how that happened. Can someone please give me some insight please? Happy new year all! Thanks. 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Don't let them pigeonhole you, they are simply doing this because it reduces the difficulty for them in dealing with you. It also has the very negative effect of making you feel like a piece of garbage, and worse, someone that is forever limited by their shortcomings. What I have found, is that although BPD does come with its challenges, you are who you are. All of those complexities and possibly even malevolent thoughts are your strengths if you make them that, you must acknowledge the nasty parts of yourself in order to realize your full capacity. If you shove them down and hide from them, they only have more control over you, just how these people in your life would like it to be (not that they want you to suffer, but again, because you are diminished it simplifies their understanding of you). Edit: Your anecdotal experience has nothing to do with the fact this is a real thing that happens to people with disorders, people do categorize them. ",13.212481203007519,9.413734894736848,11.267293233082707,62.62605263157896,55.31578947368421,15.067669172932328,45.037593984962406,12.785403640627713,5.5427593984962416,850,34,144,20,7,262,113,190,0.069,0.8740000000000001,0.057,-0.5262,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,18,12,5,6,7,0,0,6,0,23,1,0,5,3,36,32,9,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,20,8,0,2,10,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,31,6,24,25,6,10,0,1,0,0,32,7,0,3,4,125,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911830640320418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968472094787309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20335133222840468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908220370038005,0.0,0.0,0.1810894400518284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664566268288331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504543238540508,0.0,0.1412934239017935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106641818387138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579373972540243,0.0,0.0,0.08163827033084563,0.11534598670359353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703091465721293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277722085355418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510225832184974,0.11404291546470313,0.23664140673911996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554960880876295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549237880533678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227964670232574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484382458034095,0.0,0.4477399854447646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820202023879825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837751240185888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680326552000996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726585496807284,0.0,0.0,0.12818001618047625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680839956164262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332201741612225,0.09523240823195757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454000819939027,0.2293909759209318,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rcherry72,2018/01/02,So many emotions I honestly really want to die. I always think that I’m never going to actually do it but I feel like I will soon. I’m losing health insurance. My car was totaled. Everybody just says that I shouldn’t complain because at least I don’t have cancer. And my therapist doesn’t understand. I have so much anger and emotions I’m seeing blurry. I want to end it now. I don’t even feel alive I feel like I’m fading in and out of reality. I asked my therapist for another screening well a new one to see if I have something else but no of course there is no need for a screening because I’m just looking for attention. I don’t thinking wanting to kill my self and others is normal. I don’t think hearing people and seeing weird things is normal. I’m so done with people and everybody not listening.,1.8027367288378784,4.113834603658538,3.929670014347206,84.07128407460549,81.01219512195122,7.0295552367288385,24.8909612625538,8.124751697461798,1.7765248206599713,641,25,124,13,17,219,91,164,0.211,0.6859999999999999,0.103,-0.971,0,0,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,2,0,2,0,16,2,0,0,2,31,41,12,2,8,6,0,3,2,0,2,2,3,0,1,6,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,10,5,1,1,2,12,18,4,14,37,3,11,0,1,6,0,6,3,0,1,8,83,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.1278409746509739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900579540122146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736908228464556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247102530062455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971760520691594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596143532133287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406254227513054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943700471622388,0.29472366138772954,0.11603063109520605,0.0,0.0,0.08652688495208204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871862646678265,0.1871785209992249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445257367155192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925109134417912,0.14765099235900106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493648009601687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800384242938012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100103384392504,0.1465599300242173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328174610766237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630298956228647,0.09713778189557984,0.10103833581156836,0.12652444807018612,0.0,0.0,0.256712146588355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877167873210602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164331214038368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392449607659863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041796130054342,0.0,0.0,0.31317960267513595,0.0,0.13666570892117172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008532543935381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042114066055888,0.08703321485400119,0.25182615784025625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637975018571968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23180860253758034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778829965324387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlewarrior7410,2018/01/02,"I feel the BPD creeping back up on me...because I'm in a new/healthy relationship. [TW: Self-Harm] I'm in a brand new, secret relationship (we can't go public because of my crazy family). Things are like...too great. I'm almost tempted to self-harm because all of this positivity and sudden upheaval of him being home (he was in the military). Has anyone else been through this in a hot minute? I was in my ""sleeping-around"" phase for a while so my BPD died down for a while there and I was able to throw myself into my work. Any positive vibes appreciated.",2.0246363636363647,4.278793281818185,3.8645454545454534,85.16681818181819,79.81818181818181,6.545454545454546,23.63636363636364,7.686295010490155,1.1809999999999996,431,15,88,7,11,145,75,110,0.058,0.8029999999999999,0.139,0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,7,0,8,0,0,0,1,8,13,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,10,1,17,8,1,16,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,5,53,13,1,0.17038430204039506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061526653201833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158671681141442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913666561899144,0.17457885252565136,0.0,0.15167815238570864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310150110737582,0.0,0.3115940672217279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291861276692487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683200530583945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233422111864158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062315614912942,0.0,0.08615142258708236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683332535733788,0.0,0.0,0.18784929450896207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090934723334866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324116353340835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32911644128480394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658579516927809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554959729273037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131957593303828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404180115265093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,r0manholiday,2018/01/02,"Does anyone else experience worse mood fluctuations than usual during winter? How do you cope? I'm having really horrible mood swings at the moment. I've gone back and forth between 'can't wait to start loving and respecting myself full time' and 'can't wait to fuckin DIE' probably about 20 times today. I'm exhausted, how do people deal with this?",5.649843750000002,7.703910546875001,6.180125,73.55237500000003,68.53125,9.495,23.7375,9.888512548439397,2.449847500000001,281,7,46,7,5,91,52,64,0.195,0.71,0.095,-0.8159,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,2,0,8,12,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,7,11,1,11,0,0,0,2,3,2,1,0,8,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831856664414612,0.26843409860716355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144992301644532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700945343747148,0.0,0.0,0.2718985676813038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292644171998426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188544476847294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25627112950898123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364512560695121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816270778663553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824636210111986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783399073915184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543399027987556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055305585596666,0.0,0.24833069003518315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885389337026336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669846058236239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MinusBlindfold73,2018/01/02,"Who on here is in the computer field for their career? I need your advice. I love video games. I enjoy electronics. I assembled my own PC. Games and electronics are about the only constant thing I have enjoyed my entire life. I left a career in automotive. I moved back on with my parents. I am 24 and going to pursue CE/CS. I do not know exactly what I want but I know I like office setting and consistent hours. I am trying to find a part time computer type job while I attend school. I have no real computer experience that I could put on a resume. I am learning how to type proficiently. The only jobs I know that I could possible get with no experience are like low end IT and data entry. There are no opportunities in my area at this point. What are things I can do to make myself valuable in the meantime? I heard Python is an easier language to learn? Also where should I search for opportunities. I ave been using Glassdoor, Indeed, Craigslist, college job boards, etc. also what titles should I be looking for? Any help would be greatly appreciated.",2.3842251399052934,5.077455618811887,4.191653034868703,80.6533254412398,81.92079207920794,6.879380111924236,23.139044339216532,8.04050195162591,1.639541282823934,833,29,151,17,23,280,126,202,0.053,0.7609999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.9808,4,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,1,2,8,10,0,0,8,0,22,2,0,3,1,26,34,9,0,7,2,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,6,3,0,4,4,1,0,0,2,2,31,9,19,25,3,24,0,1,1,1,10,13,0,0,8,110,41,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758428318185054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251891213122553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574615089446273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826348157012096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215052530856216,0.0,0.2248283991378362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470352126959723,0.0,0.15702482792427666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27545113238176544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286850507813864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356013173722255,0.0,0.08001764720911039,0.0,0.0,0.1552281564330204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943726331276967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386557607779818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191551018044581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213350215193784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297533433610971,0.0,0.09944842308103187,0.13757168892656216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823323246581442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270739438387564,0.0,0.0939824653044728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964393287554822,0.0,0.1043984966414392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416350074221896,0.0,0.0,0.1563373657920076,0.15246841567596653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309778877728254,0.1587264059552886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153893137719606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025674379419286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249313242723113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187077296008188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209931654586168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559128463251076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160259255920695,0.0,0.0,0.08304516581574498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001748346838883,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Alqvdvsiakw,2018/01/03,"Looking for some Options Hello, I've decided to stop taking my medication 5 weeks ago. I was registered in my local hospital's outpatient program. The psychiatrist I was seeing would spare me ten minutes every two months. After he changed some medications and made me severely manic I had to defer quite a bit of school assignments and exams. I ended up in the hospital on exam day. I decided to be discharged from his care and seek another option, who was a severe downgrade from my original. Now I'm out of options, and unmedicated. I finally have health insurance and I'm not too sure where to go from here. I couldn't attend the 8 month waiting list DBT program due to a class schedule conflict. I try my best to advocate for myself but I can tell that my mental health is very sporadic and I'm worried that I'll fail out of school. I live in ON, Canada. I should also mention I have no recollection of the past few months...it just kind of happened, and it still just happening. Thanks for your time.",4.526649395509498,6.272105844559582,5.935772020725388,75.42300172711573,70.86528497409327,9.084490500863557,31.001381692573403,9.558583805096642,3.144337754749568,800,35,141,19,15,270,128,193,0.11,0.835,0.055,-0.8064,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,3,8,6,0,0,7,0,12,4,0,2,1,30,25,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,9,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,5,2,22,5,26,16,5,28,0,1,2,0,7,10,0,5,16,95,26,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530850907127014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304680235231145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148229939418126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148350254136254,0.0,0.1543302301632976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441275493865952,0.0,0.14954180498392391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116652285379304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252043992129935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910322581122725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485469831233467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033904209965934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500111520335666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005214927633359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720632952792068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482486268413295,0.0,0.11870812216993548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375974248987255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848138344212994,0.1424592213937134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566692478133546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494562099800422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035543807622584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861309264709366,0.11264687502081648,0.0,0.0,0.31939669091546924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289153829392645,0.1181846084358932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323161372809508,0.0,0.10628631351880136,0.0,0.12355624938736175,0.13014674791776926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242907256563622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597523181833104,0.0,0.1380897204524368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663810591439495,0.0,0.0,0.11339173056937253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355954367610085,0.0,0.10041920870367724,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,randomguy1259,2018/01/03,"Could REALLY use some advice. Hey, looking for some advice on how others deal with this problem. I just got back from England from a small vacation/time off and it was great I was with 6 friends there and I loved it, but I always have this issue where I don't appreciate it at the moment itself but always afterwards and I have this with pretty much everything in my life, iam so scared im going have this at my deathbed. My life is great, I got a loving family, pretty good friends and a nice job and yet I dont appreciate it as I should and the worst thing is. I know of the problem and yet I got no clue on how to solve it. Also I have this stupid retarded issue in my head where I can't buy anything nice for myself or the people closes to me but I can buy something nice and really expensive for someone meh/I barely see or are not that close to me and again I know of it but I don't know how to deal with it. Also I have no Idea who I actually am, im really into politics and history and im pretty conservative and complain alot about the current state of society and yet. I had in total 7 escorts come over, and 2 of them I developed feelings for within a F**king hour. What is wrong with me. Worst thing is I dont even know why im doing it cause I don't even enjoy the sex or anything. I have this really big hatred/dislike for hypocrisie and yet I seem to be the BIGGEST one. When I was in England, a friend of mine her Niece picked us up and sometimes hang out with us. She is a very friendly sweet girl but I know she is nothing for me but everytime I fall inlove/get feelings for her BUT! Again I know she is NO match for me and I still fall in love I feel like im not in control at all. I cut myself on my arm and although I do it to keep myself sane, I keep finding myself positioning my cuts in such a way that they are not very visible but still visible enough to notice(only when I want to/certain people). In the hope someone sees them and helps me out, I think this is a disguisting trait of myself and again I know of it but keep doing it. Also I find my self image to be very changing, one moment I look at myself and think well okay thats okay/could be worse. And other times im completely disgusted by myself and truly hate how I look, I cant even look in mirrors sometimes. I also know I need to take action to actually try and get a girl yet im extremely passive and have no idea how to talk to women in a not just friends way, im also super super blind to flirting. Alot of times I hear friends say dude she was flirting with you and I honestly had no Idea at all, I just see someone acting friendly. Again I complain to friends that I miss a girl who is their for me and I know the problem yet I dont do anything about it. I have no damn clue who I am and where the hell I stand for, I have really strong opinions on things and yet I find myself betraying my own morales. I just have no idea how to express it, I can seriously cry my eyes out and go freaking mental and lets say that in the middle of that A friend comes by and asks how you doing in a sincere way I cant bring myself to say it. Even If i want to I just CANT get the words out. Why can't I just tell my parents they are amazing and that I love them, but why CAN I tell a female (just a friend) who helped me out once. Why can I text her a bible text that Im thankful and that I pretty much swear my allegiance to her. Again Im aware but I dont know how to fix it. One moment depressed and one moment the party maker, and no I have not seeked for help yet cause every time I did I cant seem to express myself or finding myself able to not be honest/cant get the mask off. I think im losing my mind and im so sorry if this text is a complete mess but Its very rare for me to actually express/write down how I feel, if you have any advice I would be super thankful. If you have any questions feel free to ask, sorry for the grammar and sorry if its very dramatic but I honestly have no other way to describe it. For the record I'm 22 Male. Thank you all so much, even if youre only reading this. ",1.7746403174603174,3.1470836822857184,3.6736976190476183,90.3694162698413,77.32000000000002,6.5068253968253975,22.552777777777766,7.1686216300943375,0.6224073015873022,3182,91,717,36,72,1077,303,875,0.155,0.654,0.191,0.9927,3,0,1,0,0,1,67.0,2,6,6,6,55,62,7,1,35,1,67,11,3,15,4,160,127,82,0,16,36,1,5,1,10,2,3,4,0,6,48,55,0,5,29,1,4,10,28,22,1,4,10,19,127,41,94,108,15,86,2,3,9,5,67,42,2,19,29,518,175,2,0.039272683840463236,0.0,0.11497342282662194,0.0,0.0,0.11513043637181615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703175539194292,0.06535603804874672,0.0,0.0,0.053413543458455066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695421765352094,0.0,0.07342931593641627,0.0,0.0,0.030198269715214925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068772892560969,0.04154529213116664,0.06765987937496204,0.08235332362529525,0.0,0.044047654351167885,0.06271208479848253,0.0,0.04313919909558498,0.0,0.08097682516351402,0.03382550504496363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841091718933434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04057918065732601,0.0,0.12969618643561676,0.0,0.033088929952555295,0.0,0.035295755918535884,0.0,0.037022791145434164,0.0,0.0992872448092808,0.02805641318268021,0.0,0.0,0.14357808618210668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034197811503749,0.0,0.08207342554557039,0.0,0.04463914253177904,0.032940063925516176,0.094229858685491,0.08659654515772819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877364464360871,0.04030510378987756,0.0,0.044263168939923866,0.0,0.07897095643684911,0.0,0.0,0.039006636400226856,0.0386756827031268,0.0,0.0,0.17733631907350556,0.5090548532889947,0.08198095713170955,0.038972078837131933,0.10472209760468176,0.0,0.0,0.21583239969306836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04015898003261094,0.05547891605552496,0.019186649584565597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191665339126712,0.04393608765400135,0.0,0.0,0.14178052189586732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039577628277367785,0.0,0.03965421529516944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660982418697613,0.029120197445333444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037683199335064914,0.0,0.0,0.04182412656834888,0.10644874782137742,0.02986864575558345,0.0,0.0,0.04360766779604673,0.0,0.0,0.05445346816585071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981775300180082,0.0,0.11273596363055455,0.0,0.0,0.04399439387724642,0.0,0.039283311586458106,0.0,0.12579543451371888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369364344013456,0.039318807699393055,0.0,0.093885733107995,0.07150475277901315,0.040969974299691965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998268527200452,0.030234030710123837,0.07768337703628743,0.1318876627722465,0.0,0.0,0.06272643209117554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0295281707022198,0.031565895648140385,0.0686521133803494,0.10847103248646003,0.0,0.0,0.07827307824184428,0.07549305013049364,0.0,0.0,0.06870065330979461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026663574401002102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448040628411096,0.03391898944053345,0.0,0.16202038568280033,0.04632809289851497,0.12469131375838105,0.0,0.0,0.0353108592322988,0.0,0.14174995476322594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040022219992677584,0.02789818781191892,0.04293851465035236,0.0,0.0 bpd,punkhora,2018/01/03,"I wonder if I'd feel lonely even in the afterlife? I'm so lonely. I'm absolutely terrified of reaching out and asking for any kind of human contact, wether it'd be a hug from my mom or asking a girl I met on tinder to meet up. I don't talk to any people regularly except for my mom who I live with. Nobody gives me any attention and I'm about to loose my shit. My only friend's on the other side of the globe right now. I have nobody, I might as well just kill myself. Nobody's ever going to love me or validate me, or give me the attention I need. And that's all because of me. Because I'm terrified of other people. I can't even talk to my therapists about my loneliness, because I'm afraid they'll find me clingy, or annoying, or whatever. Doesn't matter. I wish I was dead.",2.271790209790211,3.5344370181818228,4.8072727272727285,83.2032167832168,75.78787878787878,7.986013986013986,22.995337995338,8.617729084823388,1.4540023310023305,608,17,128,12,13,216,95,165,0.215,0.7040000000000001,0.081,-0.9731,0,4,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,3,1,6,0,9,3,1,0,2,24,25,11,2,3,8,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,2,1,24,5,23,19,1,10,0,2,0,2,17,7,1,8,2,82,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153770018837924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890392712030289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28270764509798296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420885433618213,0.13983439632386602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816472893273649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412913386893632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119434903204366,0.0,0.0,0.29659127632193777,0.08785636268003646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102957403538366,0.1609804192058795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650471950933854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952240395052834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399425959608416,0.0,0.3621050071397726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462561702434768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757172855172625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434478249482344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320179682112788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868315485916298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485052014078356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794894813713935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899387305874042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776946074168615,0.0,0.16764493092738295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Anxietygrill,2018/01/03,"Mood swings and anger, is this normal? Sometimes when I get really mad at someone I feel like I want to kill myself just to hurt the other person. I have never actually told anyone about those thoughts, but I still hate feeling like that and wish I could make it stop. Doesn't make it better that I genuinely am suicidal and think about it daily. Am I alone in this, or is this ""normal"" for people with bpd?",5.351125,5.795896862500001,5.695000000000004,82.73000000000002,67.875,8.4,24.75,8.238735603445708,1.3274499999999998,319,7,63,4,5,102,59,80,0.303,0.581,0.117,-0.9651,0,1,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,4,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,1,20,18,6,2,5,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,9,3,8,15,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,6,44,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1815868810099737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272238271136988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301112070437636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457231515760773,0.0,0.0,0.2343607856882268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856944674981815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881749085909584,0.26587065620474903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721892889823718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837151149315447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920209737539615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20586954563709856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181822039062653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484192019871869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435160856098906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646370668216696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900418898535862,0.16247755946221432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920737873353834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766467050224825,0.0,0.18403751661303447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860343651980604,0.15557090657755926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354091824995066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923231625275865,0.0,0.14772644453513892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778070650792545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975458961417114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139823964215189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,soggylemonslices,2018/01/03,"Recently diagnosed I was diagnosed with BPD two and a half weeks ago. Shortly after I found this subreddit and have been mostly lurking. I've been looking back through my life through social media and it is so crazy to see how obvious my manic and depressive episodes are. I'm glad to have a name for it now, to have this place to talk and learn more about it, and to be on meds to even out. Hello ☺️👋",3.4754618473895604,4.517136807228919,4.590542168674698,86.78934738955826,72.49397590361446,8.424899598393575,28.29116465863454,8.841846274778883,2.032873092369478,317,12,68,6,6,104,60,83,0.08900000000000001,0.8740000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.4967,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,9,3,0,1,1,14,13,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,4,1,14,8,2,10,0,1,2,0,4,4,0,1,6,49,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095974924978102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181444343541792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977988411131624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036529056687449,0.4799808755491064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617212625004878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25925377841590136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701069862875995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855734403312533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626411851720461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470385499843731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23346455076888345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884189885991597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410296573764591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900484962526032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23097600762365345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966487250925898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hyperpix,2018/01/03,"Are SO's treated differently? I hope this is the correct sub for this question. Looking back at my recently ended long term relationship with my BPD ex-girlfriend has given me some questions. She ended things about 30 days ago but has since started cautiously talking to me again. That part isn't my question. My question. From what I've been able to see and from watching her reactions with friends, family and her children. It seems I was the target of the brunt of her anger. She would misinterpret a simple comment or anything I said that she took as criticism and would become very angry, and hurt. Even repeated attempts to explain what I meant never worked. She would seem stuck on the initial comment. I've never seen her do that to any other person. Example:. What caused our break up of 8 years. She was telling me how tired she was. I validated her comments by telling her anyone would be exhausted doing all the things you've been dining. Then I added. A good night's sleep can do wonders. She blew up despite my attempts to say it was a comment made because I cared and understood she was tired. The next day she sent me a text. I'm not happy with you or this relationship since the beginning. I'm done. End of text. Blocked on all social media and everything else. Is it common to lash out and be more critical of your SO? To pay more attention to everything they say? ",3.309403334308275,5.8443936007604576,3.968688212927759,84.62567929219071,76.87072243346006,6.9358876864580274,27.60587891196257,8.012643519586192,1.9711592278443983,1099,46,202,19,26,348,157,263,0.16,0.784,0.056,-0.986,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,2,1,3,7,9,1,0,11,0,24,5,1,3,5,41,45,15,0,5,4,0,0,0,1,4,3,3,0,2,15,11,1,1,11,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,17,7,35,6,28,22,7,30,0,1,4,0,41,6,0,11,21,139,50,2,0.1000705029852988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870646298782227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680513735937695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997162244240858,0.0,0.08234949739745565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694803981218386,0.0,0.06100204979901019,0.11052000840713903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603529537595545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202854714292343,0.10279997225460774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907439159872014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045523766987958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024068682905008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359606447773772,0.0,0.2658982894381833,0.0,0.0,0.06609562343439866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17987383099980986,0.0,0.09433756416784687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731422237082629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393439009121254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652691123129246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939258901154142,0.0,0.0,0.10712754315313394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855924610690621,0.08403401910745066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468912952822713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543610821061702,0.0,0.10642611519996953,0.0939093880899196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836660293375194,0.0,0.0,0.08737770330752588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448407462216106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880754910254896,0.21487653973185736,0.0,0.0,0.09518996425362068,0.15916016101959238,0.0,0.0,0.07974323470758549,0.1822008550651395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555870833896716,0.0,0.10014277270576948,0.10200927561791194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708304170730467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043287969630153,0.17493206079022822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296479119665236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003264443184984,0.0,0.0,0.11118201088798753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256864519376167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852219176569558,0.07285251800723586,0.0,0.0,0.2843488566310449,0.0,0.0,0.06444212298221441 bpd,Lilybean78,2018/01/03,"BPD Siblings...can’t get along?? Hi Everyone, So I’m a diagnosed BPD’er and my brother is (what I believe) is an undiagnosed person with BPD. We can’t seem to get along. And with my Mom being so sick he will be the only family that I have left. Just an FYI...he lives in the upstairs suite with his family and I live in the downstairs suite with the Mom, who I take care of. It seems that he is unable to give any amount of empathy in any situation. When discussing anything to do with feelings...he comes across as cold and distant...either that or inappropriately angry to the point of rage. This is in direct contrast to myself, who is overly empathetic and quite often likes to discuss feelings. (Maybe this is also a bit of a gender thing??). I have been noticing that I split on him every week or so over something he says or does/doesn’t do. From my point of view he doesn’t care if he has any type of relationship with me at all...which hurts. Is there a different way I can go about this?? He will not get help...doesn’t believe he has issues and doesn’t believe in mental health treatment. So...I guess the onus is on me to change. I want so bad to connect with him as he will be my only remaining family but I have no idea how to get along with him. I know I’ve read some of your posts about being unable to be empathetic...I guess I really have a hard time understanding this. I’m rambling now. Any comments, thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks!!",2.3960162002945538,4.6090401958762905,3.8315991654393713,86.10274484536083,78.3127147766323,6.631369661266568,23.4512763868434,7.7094869923839395,1.1462595974472258,1151,38,232,18,28,379,157,291,0.059,0.8690000000000001,0.07200000000000001,0.7041,1,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,1,1,0,1,13,8,1,0,13,0,31,3,0,1,0,41,53,21,0,3,8,3,2,1,0,4,3,1,0,1,13,19,0,0,7,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,5,24,5,44,41,3,22,0,1,1,0,28,14,0,11,5,151,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672285753688536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609688514959789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895011012331976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010555241807925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242732016092849,0.0,0.0,0.10474118697804377,0.0,0.36249767504947467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563361738028065,0.0,0.10149136783041167,0.08264346394924155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737666697223428,0.0,0.1002364545612852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083324460270712,0.09167439212625678,0.0,0.0,0.271329928482868,0.0,0.048509940678681085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049790948271,0.09203399932834523,0.054524681401003534,0.0,0.0,0.10577373953344553,0.21137655513928671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594303050943221,0.0,0.0,0.10197930059178764,0.0,0.0,0.06430628659718451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027053181437138,0.10830412223337396,0.0,0.10013600878138658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272589105357799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042386480708561,0.0,0.0,0.046871238846327504,0.0,0.16943283591391553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963842159202352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668454410362193,0.0,0.0,0.22472658263703135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922786205371947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459327667455282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377075169210531,0.0,0.0,0.18138785083981174,0.0,0.09188360955394853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204356616357134,0.09596555521213844,0.0,0.061461359690575326,0.0,0.0,0.10300321805772301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629501476550825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467960372032862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784012178909598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385898556470144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213463380246593,0.0,0.0,0.08832828697148706,0.0,0.0,0.06373800229061424,0.0,0.0,0.07616531996462347,0.055943147968409435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987649938374277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658765742216761,0.07615238298213499,0.0769569541933795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815273393870974,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jokosmash,2018/01/03,"I shared my story and something wonderful happened. Would you mind sharing your story? I'm cross-posting this from /r/BipolarReddit because BPD was not yet ruled out (diagnosed with Bipolar 1). But this subreddit and the other have been incredibly helpful for me in coping, and the relationship challenges addressed here are something that continue to hit very close to home. December was a very difficult month for me, and this subreddit became a sanctuary during some especially hard moments. So first of all - thank you to all of you. You have helped me to realize I am not alone in this. As a sort of therapy for myself, I shared a video of my recent challenges on Facebook. I felt completely vulnerable and almost removed it. But then responses of love and encouragement began pouring in. It was empowering and brought me a sense of hope I haven't had in a while. People from all parts of my life began private messaging me, sharing their own stories of mental health challenges. I realized that talking openly about my challenges is very helpful to me in the start of the journey to management. I invite you to [hear my story](https://www.facebook.com/tommygeoco/posts/10212173351023813?pnref=story) and share your own story in the comments below. What kind of challenges are you currently facing? How far have you come? What are you suffering from right now? I begin a DBT partial in-patient program on January 16th, and I'm trying to make it through every day leading up to that date. Thank you again for everything this subreddit has provided in allowing me to pursue self-love and a sense of peace. It's a long road, I'm told, but today I feel present and capable. Side note: I've been listening and re-listening to an audiobook called [Calming the Emotional Storm](https://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/Calming-the-Emotional-Storm-Audiobook/B01AH7EERA) in place of music lately, and just listening to the voice of the narrator and practicing a coping method here and there has been tremendously helpful for me. I hope it offers some calm to one of you.",8.259095604131637,9.558319444751387,7.726713908239255,67.69900912803269,61.73480662983425,11.268027864520779,38.11482104251743,11.119845054232373,4.7425770838337735,1677,81,257,45,23,527,198,362,0.02,0.828,0.152,0.9874,2,1,3,0,0,0,72.0,0,12,1,7,10,21,0,0,19,0,19,6,1,4,3,46,43,23,0,3,6,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,16,20,0,0,5,1,0,5,3,2,0,2,12,7,37,19,52,29,8,46,0,1,0,1,34,20,0,7,21,184,53,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291283912773415,0.1271283039530827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748250967142953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459485700878295,0.0,0.1253378494693181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573519808257888,0.1286973176233837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916130578016878,0.0,0.0,0.12458506310014128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380732351875582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341917825436486,0.0,0.1103165946494962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206429330920572,0.0,0.11785584134874402,0.0,0.0,0.10440806778446532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854428048287686,0.0,0.10995670946601617,0.0,0.0,0.13047373661658426,0.13834417024862247,0.0,0.3290974325802467,0.0,0.1231246976247368,0.2438298421110913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782153908868954,0.0,0.0,0.13846334221753712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669944777803543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862674576882587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078346359318612,0.0,0.08193420861059691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236995514684512,0.0,0.12393892356230125,0.0,0.09797504543271277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317617131830826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292244394792768,0.0,0.08509693330801713,0.0,0.1282439151466639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755716898188225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211973112716725,0.13178375087430444,0.0,0.10482479774478702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561026350052387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889924283342848,0.0,0.0,0.08688056918196521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098658947070049,0.0,0.22601687956741964,0.14037126319487747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634928236750755,0.11728949329281747,0.0,0.0833367823568077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038360292423385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311328916437867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719555641211606,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ma-petite-radis,2018/01/03,"Does anyone have any uplifting thoughts or moments they would like to share? Maybe some difficulty you thought you would never overcome but did, or feeling you thought would never go away but you have moved past and what helped you? I’m sitting in my new therapists office, about a half hour early. Last therapist I met with referred me to her within 15 mins of talking to me because she wanted me to see someone who specifically offered DBT. I am excited but also incredibly nervous and scared. I’m in one of those moods where you feel like you’re a normal person and previous overreactions/suicidality was just you being dramatic and that you have control and see that now. I know this is fleeting. I can go from feeling completely sane and in control to spiraling quickly in my head from something as simple as reading a text message and interpreting it wrong. Sometimes it’s hard because I don’t know what I would tell a therapist because I often forget how strong my feelings were the other day, or how much I cried and the strange things I said. They all seem so distant even if it’s just been a few days so when I am asked how I’m doing or what’s been going on I sort of blank.. anyway sorry for rambling on, I am just looking for some inspiration to help see that changing habits is possible and what other people have found most helpful in their lives.",8.38823076923077,7.460435823076924,8.094615384615384,72.65038461538465,61.92307692307693,10.615384615384617,38.46153846153846,9.661875296680813,3.676153846153845,1094,48,195,17,13,350,160,260,0.09,0.7979999999999999,0.112,0.7972,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,8,3,3,17,10,0,2,7,0,22,1,1,5,3,55,47,26,0,7,11,0,5,2,0,4,0,1,0,1,16,10,0,2,14,1,0,4,3,3,0,2,11,10,31,6,26,31,6,29,0,0,4,0,26,10,0,11,16,145,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328151482154883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081944667981163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281780400555729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735777085710096,0.0,0.09784389144015894,0.0,0.0,0.19045014898108165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110167362446897,0.0,0.10918985024693507,0.0,0.2336059588422245,0.0,0.0,0.11439399119947186,0.13432465078694011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911344851451102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878414398397775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106272614615152,0.07439834651535604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141852240290162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755717949066813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328987473829517,0.0,0.10687870393738776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20941053809632132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255790092375283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446633293466313,0.08488880915938216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175605805109968,0.0,0.0919584051508898,0.0,0.08745220590250133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462362540218667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068539493476487,0.07655561278795843,0.0,0.1606399084449459,0.1005800203991232,0.0,0.0,0.1020360623357014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056863233884013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941436202877801,0.07219825227101352,0.09093189855844848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740332262149235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416917546267816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906193280027588,0.0,0.10426330196747716,0.0,0.2489606657535537,0.09480604915727307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823832578366485,0.08017282461167509,0.10299810538142087,0.11657731599712945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391334404614972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370458572900061,0.09102381845865767,0.0,0.0,0.3627471601187646,0.06918664858004968,0.0,0.0,0.2480289483667466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142505612561802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959150951288276,0.11386182798960455,0.0,0.0 bpd,v0lcanicwinter,2018/01/03,"I'm going back to therapy soon and I'm wondering whether or not to tell the new therapist I think I might have BPD? I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety (generalized and social) about five years ago now, but I think BPD might better explain some of my symptoms. I was under 18 when I was diagnosed with those things, so I couldn't have been diagnosed with BPD even if the psychologist suspected it. Anyway. I've been doing a lot of research (I know that's not always great, but... idk) and BPD does seem to fit. I don't know if it's best to tell her what I think or let her reach the conclusion herself. The problem is, therapy is expensive, and I'd like to start making progress as soon as possible. So I don't want to waste months waiting for her to reach a conclusion I could be giving her now. I also worry that, if I tell her I think it's BPD, she might decide it isn't just because I've said it is and she wants to be the one to come up with the answer herself. If that makes sense. Idk if she'd do that or not; I've never met her. Alternatively, I might not have BPD at all. But I'd rather know that for sure. Do any of you have experience with this? Any advice about how to proceed? Should I go to the first session and gage the situation and then maybe tell her in the second one instead? I should note that I'm not *trying* to be diagnosed with BPD. I think it might explain some things about me, but it's fine with me if I don't actually have it. I just want to know so I can either move on or deal with it accordingly. Thanks :) ",2.1806126687435143,3.764566853582558,3.8609968847352034,88.55656282450676,76.72585669781931,7.4969885773624085,23.10384215991693,8.285830014693849,1.1532895119418485,1204,36,269,22,27,403,144,321,0.071,0.799,0.13,0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,6,20,9,0,0,11,0,35,5,0,3,3,83,65,32,0,15,24,0,0,1,0,7,5,1,0,0,20,17,0,1,18,0,1,4,11,2,0,5,7,1,38,7,36,44,6,25,0,1,0,0,24,6,0,20,16,197,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.06857732804201358,0.0,0.0,0.06867098072392126,0.06229369832382824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619812616398681,0.05847363265274691,0.0,0.0,0.09557751700131176,0.0,0.053759449940188365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403640069977929,0.0,0.04283840386958459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374827173285582,0.06215167957302504,0.0,0.0,0.6195538727057036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060534864872773035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056108104451792096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244945179304409,0.060526929579715213,0.28530669433438344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061497287904154325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046415342107744895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874149781036086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977506440214714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674132647254967,0.07987671530486573,0.0,0.0,0.07747737962287796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448310308896188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185996936914751,0.0,0.03433234734357896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974447766124458,0.0,0.0,0.09381693772070927,0.0,0.07059972087064441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727482673365104,0.0,0.0,0.05609207003651751,0.07469018547973309,0.0,0.0,0.05419967360766883,0.06787110786923091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523901941255257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922342372003423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724276767582603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684670673302666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639748487172208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899096780812301,0.0,0.07163553621168292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497403287729444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623245312139475,0.07304163730372942,0.0,0.0,0.245690441372418,0.06469889644928854,0.16072898341545566,0.08159357937418113,0.09337390209811608,0.22514384352538752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771146174957834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434835249481792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620920108403974,0.0,0.07136670104485207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525417915662126 bpd,tanaenae,2018/01/03,"No Relationships = Progress? I just realized the only time I've ever made any progress with my behavioural/identity/self-esteem issues is when I cut off contact with almost everyone in my life. I talked to my Dad and people at work but, other than that, it was very minimal contact. I found I was really coming into myself. It was when I started reintroducing relationships and sharing feelings with others that I crumbled ten times harder than before. It almost makes me wonder if I'd be happier on my own with just my family. Any thoughts or similar experiences? I need to add that this isn't a negative post. I was truly happy when I was alone. For the first time ever. I appreciate any feedback! :) hope you're all well.",3.3753781512605063,6.056344941176473,5.117689075630253,75.67352941176473,77.52941176470588,8.003361344537815,26.62605042016807,8.841846274778883,2.626360924369747,576,23,96,14,14,195,93,136,0.038,0.6940000000000001,0.268,0.9891,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,8,5,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,2,3,28,18,8,0,3,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,8,1,18,4,14,9,2,17,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,6,10,71,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31414692702103764,0.16246051392057526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200122317206959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347701363443404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512171629638933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28377920375693894,0.0,0.14988724591863745,0.0,0.15343999172117012,0.1478744309882724,0.0,0.07931354917510786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342574251583245,0.0,0.17198980451542034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698127116403275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579819846082374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637219535948002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079544369480407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484255108055223,0.10470582257957058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631031843545594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929973021609648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874754943153747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022931553380006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048906483882293,0.0,0.0,0.3368196574276944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636400565633271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110269033733294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607879398578514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452997810213425,0.27440043558037674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942661317580992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410367250856807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701088797289717,0.11419655299998352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nyaaati,2018/01/03,"sorry Honestly, I cannot bear to read any of the posts here because everything is so... everything. its all too spot on, all too real, all too overwhelming, everything. I just recently got diagnosed with BPD. lol is diagnosed even the proper term for this? I don't know what to do, and even if I see a ""happy result/ending"" here, I know it won't necessarily apply to me. And if its a bad one, then that doesn't help. And saying that it'll get better or keep your head up, or keep going or that someone else will come around, or anything at all, will not help. so honestly there is no point in me really posting this but I don't really know coz here I am anyway. ",3.2312686567164164,4.413606902985073,5.046447761194031,82.74892537313436,73.25373134328359,8.942089552238807,23.84776119402985,9.3871,1.84227104477612,511,14,107,12,10,175,85,134,0.065,0.851,0.084,0.5228,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,0,1,14,6,0,1,4,1,13,3,1,1,4,26,23,13,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,10,6,0,2,3,1,0,2,7,2,0,1,1,2,10,4,11,18,5,13,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,6,3,78,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137426661336636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267378987057954,0.13270593999694566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446913233499797,0.09087308211002658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184232303121834,0.0,0.0,0.18775132611439704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284125749140852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30261046536326164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453076669374145,0.0,0.13203379869279794,0.0,0.0,0.19692167837825555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019296761603898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778841168775884,0.0,0.0847212156955729,0.0,0.11922672539350372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586902207900205,0.0,0.0,0.1529911731339245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984002244096105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650045951022436,0.0,0.0,0.2457786899755773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010152392407429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092149500641787,0.0,0.28554008584320123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491126274113974,0.16967689792448873,0.19099904767871176,0.0,0.14719089853980782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854826541593648,0.0,0.0,0.11879131175390632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630846445260752,0.0,0.0,0.16687421982262649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Molly_Malicious17,2018/01/03,"Socialization with a former friend Today I will be forced to socialize briefly (I hope) with a former friend. I'm still quite bitter about the way things went down. My anxiety is currently through the roof. I don't know if I can do this. 😔😔😔",1.82938775510204,4.099505000000004,3.1626122448979617,89.8431020408163,80.63265306122447,7.185306122448982,22.044897959183675,8.238735603445708,1.1951926530612242,191,6,41,4,5,62,37,49,0.158,0.711,0.13,-0.101,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,3,6,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,5,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212040218570674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42829368111078897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753000451760857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523296414904904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948126535085485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5650956165902861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135450761828404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414457952703409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627320955848084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22001079482046892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25694654934469724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miniciel,2018/01/03,"how can I help my boyfriend when he is splitting? Hi guys, my boyfriend has BPD. We've been together for a year. He sometimes splits on me and I use validation and empathy to talk through the issue. It works quite well but leaves me emotionally drained as I have to ignore the hurtful things he says to me. I was wondering whether you had any specific tips for loved ones when you are splitting on them, things that work in calming you down/seeing that you're splitting. He's not in therapy unfortunately so he does not recognise his behaviour until afterwards (sometimes) and he then feels like shit. I've given up trying to get him to go as it creates conflict. He knows he has a problem and he wants to change but he's very wary of therapists. I feel like at one point I'm gonna be too exhausted to continue. Any help welcome.",3.9896581196581202,5.779856617283954,4.566296296296296,84.5198717948718,72.33333333333333,8.194491927825261,30.980056980056982,8.841846274778883,2.518939601139601,660,30,131,13,13,210,110,162,0.13699999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.606,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,1,3,6,11,1,0,4,0,10,3,1,2,0,19,22,15,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,5,1,2,4,3,16,6,20,16,0,15,0,1,0,1,24,7,1,1,9,74,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331977727901744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754062055666974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592107339415446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725600089399445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764293656914323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861095578380238,0.22410000999213026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194496996592583,0.0,0.08913855294221333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530107837650067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025961766572648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790567507345022,0.0,0.0,0.16370529255430516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861978375726599,0.0,0.0,0.16607606853829088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325295987125534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415586169491519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125642833876811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482690969457115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007935625734087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682382347155428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472933427864162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099900302001746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102471698128766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606596367289166,0.0,0.0,0.17936577565620018,0.1821089804965248,0.2084015218659586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648736976434246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546360725181558,0.0,0.12941344217463438,0.09251116682194643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410223725902679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009156872778036,0.2283698637486727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100295259294832 bpd,nivegan,2018/01/03,"pushing all romantic relationships away? I don’t know why, but literally every single time I start talking to someone, I always get unattracted to them as soon as they catch feelings for me. It’s like I’m only in it for the chase. I really want a relationship, but I can’t control it at all. Even if it’s someone way out of my league, when they catch feelings for me, I stop liking them completely. I flirt with them, do anything for their attention, then once they give it to me, I just don’t want to talk to them anymore. Is that only me or do other people have this problem?",4.2133620689655205,5.1205258534482825,5.527068965517246,81.26232758620691,70.63793103448276,8.213793103448278,29.15517241379311,8.472884824447931,2.080779310344828,453,17,90,7,8,152,75,116,0.061,0.826,0.112,0.5861,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,8,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,2,18,16,8,0,4,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,2,21,3,17,16,3,14,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,2,8,67,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086658367736766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17981335024092202,0.0,0.0,0.1492047970593399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034912885209566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010278102473185,0.0,0.20335746564091686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197552431126884,0.0,0.1527636609721775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335416741072644,0.12952973691442396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472833492081942,0.17393153943542294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964464726057777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771603274286118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930919706592471,0.0,0.27579276092919724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569930731478487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349164360128444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615347572409168,0.0,0.0,0.3893236937290104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072511059682828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833397092887253,0.0,0.0,0.1515854279534421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914643530624817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057248181978365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388570398571446,0.1439174794143632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360639391572934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DeepSpace_,2018/01/03,"I hate being called ""crazy"" I'm not crazy and I hate when people tell me I am. It's so demeaning it just hurts me. I have a lot of problems sure, but it's not craziness.... IDK I wish people would stop saying that. I care alot I just don't know how to show it.",-1.8884482758620682,-0.01196682758620682,0.6650862068965537,103.20728448275864,96.58620689655173,3.589655172413793,12.422413793103447,5.148860815047168,-1.5336620689655174,196,3,51,1,8,66,41,58,0.238,0.6,0.162,-0.5516,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,1,15,11,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,9,2,2,9,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568825769677872,0.0,0.2564938587780053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4967494460973552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693124394515149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825708929721092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387704979668068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34881593409771283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407199013809183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005971371158246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032499612256092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371031136086055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198845350273435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892947511057588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870913954661047,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,takingvioletpills,2018/01/03,You know how they say you should get rid of the toxic people in your life? But what if you are the toxic person in your life?,2.2411111111111133,3.131454777777776,3.2231481481481516,95.9991666666667,75.2962962962963,5.4,13.5,3.1291,-1.403355555555556,97,0,23,0,2,31,20,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,5,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,0,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477792631347171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260638776076686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6699622855204546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287894986123792,0.4141021755301876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37714752414573616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mydisappointinglife,2018/01/03,"crush help so i've had this off and on crush on a long distance friend... they know about my issues, and they know i've been crushing on them. they have made it VERY CLEAR that they will not tolerate anything negative. i'm so scared of making them dislike me i just withdraw and hide my pain. i know i'm not their responisibility but it still hurts. like a week before i was hospitalized, i asked them if i ever do anything that annoys them (BAD DECISION) and they said i send way too many messages while they are at work and they can't focus. of course the air raid sirens started going off in my head and i started burning bridges and self destructing. i apologized to them after my hospitalization (not related to them) and they were really angry and said i should be apologizing to myself. i stayed very distant to them for the past 3 weeks. i assumed they didn't like me anymore. anyway... they started talking to me again. they've just had an operation and have been recovering. they've been flirting with me. i just feel complete ecstasy talking with them. i was um ^^pleasuring myself the other day and they said they like when i'm being ""kind"" to myself because i deserve to feel happy... a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a stop please i can't distance myself if i love you . it's long distance. i need someone i can physically be with.. I'M SO TORN. UGH. i getting attached to them again and thinking about it more is giving me anxiety. i want it to get closer. i want it so bad. but it's not an option. how do i stop it without just cutting them out completely? i'm currently in a really good mood. i only got 3 hours of sleep but i'm feeling ok. i'm getting stressed out talking to them. why couldn't they stay distant. i worked so hard to make myself alone and miserable. ",0.4033126954346464,2.0790034951219525,3.4470731707317093,89.0732676672921,82.34146341463416,6.2539086929330825,23.4396497811132,7.321109707123232,0.8786216385240779,1443,53,335,21,39,519,174,410,0.17800000000000002,0.684,0.139,-0.9411,1,1,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,25,2,19,23,3,3,75,1,24,4,2,4,2,55,58,26,0,7,14,0,4,3,1,2,1,3,0,1,12,18,0,2,9,0,0,2,10,11,1,0,14,7,64,11,32,38,1,37,0,2,0,1,42,12,0,4,23,249,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733607614749772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928157773542308,0.0,0.1027794808338699,0.0,0.0,0.17056788674628542,0.0,0.0968860629348162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730641638276798,0.06317579979383285,0.0,0.08818696034908784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21732162948544154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683691735784783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374507530618313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720506383384344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006924111252484,0.0,0.16243725625000366,0.09941749764328774,0.05889896586310555,0.08692531220985218,0.08288751254650358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032289634163628,0.09283787617058356,0.0,0.1063608661630945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946530785232505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206099786267477,0.0,0.11094493121044914,0.0,0.0,0.10816949703027467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792138356519974,0.17086759853360764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518945599957508,0.0,0.0,0.1834299411372717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935359154048828,0.09806328655245693,0.13835623037585154,0.10507106363423777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684509235537204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882016754613455,0.1102764579310817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893268972111298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376166787177415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278428899718872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957459041400813,0.0,0.1037581360715384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811538846078717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371126511492497,0.0,0.08781080246472618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200631747489124,0.22092526919192412,0.08276417898982694,0.1732893755236767,0.118715169109992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498970864722043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640603336518218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17102180058525662,0.12225489144151212,0.08226176642228587,0.16626176995436825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351574955491496,0.0,0.0,0.09990181073271813,0.0,0.15089709631942286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KryptonianConundrum,2018/01/03,"Fuck Birthdays! UGH! [Venting] Does anyone else feel this way? I've always fucking despised that day - it's like everyone around you wants to fucking make it special and I'm just like - LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING ""CELEBRATE"" THIS DAY COZ I DONT FUCKING LIKE MYSELF ANYWAYS. Ugh and then I spiral in my head thinking, fuck, others will feel bad. So I pretend and ""let"" them celebrate - all the time in my head constantly splitting but putting up with it. Birthdays, in a weird way, because of above, ends up being the most exhaustive fucking day of the year for me. FUCKING HELL! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE - AT LEAST ON THAT DAY. I'M NOTHING SPECIAL. STOP FUCKING TRYING TO ""BE"" WITH ME OR ""DO"" THINGS FOR ME ON THAT DAY. STOP MAKING THAT DAY A BIG DEAL. FUCKKKKK! Sorry... couldn't help but vent :( I just want to cry right now. Like BAWL MY EYES OUT CRY! BTW, it's not my birthday today. It's around the corner and everyone already asking about spending time with me. FUCK! I'm gonna fucking lie to everyone and just disappear. Then wallow the rest of the year for hurting them by not being there for them on my fucking birthday. FUCK THESE EXTREMES. I CANNOT EVEN.... :( :( :(",0.7877531272126461,3.23052928699552,1.6206573046967208,93.89559299032335,99.17937219730942,3.782345999527968,22.460349303752647,5.750287758089431,0.4301910313901347,913,37,172,8,38,282,123,223,0.315,0.605,0.08,-0.9969,0,2,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,1,3,0,12,27,15,0,8,0,10,17,3,3,1,34,36,11,0,4,9,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,11,0,2,3,1,1,2,6,21,0,0,0,3,22,6,29,29,4,37,1,1,1,13,7,15,14,2,22,108,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707475876470385,0.07302579716838233,0.0,0.055062930668079636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627112343463191,0.06780414402502061,0.0,0.11781962295001905,0.06186472517498232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552533904697974,0.04033968739739862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151170421216035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453803382086886,0.25606454005679674,0.06822355581551783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057910219470216365,0.0,0.07755664870443536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528075072551801,0.0,0.058611439619817365,0.0,0.0,0.0437079868047824,0.0,0.0,0.18969924673124827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692017252429412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7953108012923136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582935574500232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044355731353960634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708417441165866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140139615246854,0.0,0.06766845724605101,0.0,0.1293191187678407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834470004429057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634967312672924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264031693670839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652418829724352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056513118702222434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407753435917397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065058552053243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043963753098509535,0.04240229068717183,0.0,0.0,0.07717439067583415,0.0,0.06272619596521321,0.0,0.0,0.044928505228866635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709525133787695,0.10505332589574193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852291063953535 bpd,MeanGreenCatMachine,2018/01/03,"Anybody else think others’ happiness is directly correlated with your unhappiness? 2017 was a shitty year for me. I got divorced, went broke, been drunk for pretty much months on end, and have gone downhill professionally. On the other hand, three of my girlfriends who have struggled with infertility for 3+ years got pregnant, my mentor got married, my closest friend finally has a super healthy relationship, my brother is pursuing his dream of law school...I’ve noticed for years that anytime things are going well for me they’re going awful for everyone else and vice versa. Maybe it’s worth it for my life to be shitty so the people around me are happy, but it doesn’t keep me from being frustrated.",8.802380952380952,9.06145320634921,8.287142857142857,67.70785714285715,60.58730158730158,10.692063492063493,36.253968253968246,10.290406445055957,3.855711111111111,568,23,90,11,7,180,96,126,0.135,0.722,0.14300000000000002,-0.2382,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,3,8,1,1,4,1,12,3,1,0,0,9,21,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,1,1,1,2,1,4,1,3,1,1,7,1,12,5,16,12,1,14,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,0,6,59,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162694695353612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845723402583141,0.0,0.15085897278544969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275453896417402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865846636798935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315940489110998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936012702733184,0.0,0.4086776605576364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626320523456173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139426948385287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030684296959734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711161455416765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595321202032726,0.0,0.12520978248936432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19391816971212664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808314418440345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328357041888148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828672203653422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237979624071742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17806253398439512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131575452719608,0.1091385241227541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314423203690805,0.15789463292715689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290545888044738 bpd,Notyourmotherskimchi,2018/01/03,"Should I file a police report against my bf who raped and physically abused me? I have bpd. I'm going through counseling for it and realized through my healing that my boyfriend abuses me. He's sent me in the hospital after I tried to hurt myself and when I told him the doctors said I needed to be with someone after I left, he accused me of lying and being manipulative. He then asked for money for me traumatizing him through my self harm. He wanted Over $600 for his services. I've been with him for about 1/2 a year and there have been multiple times he's had sex with me without my consent. The most recent time was less than 72 hours ago. I realize that if I file the police report and they need evidence, I need to file it within that time frame. I'm not sure what the effects of this will be for me. I'm scared that if I don't he will continue to think it's accent behavior. I'm also afraid if I don't I'll just continue accepting him walking over me. What should I do?",3.8315134370579926,4.6783185445544575,5.1668458274398885,83.71772277227723,71.47524752475249,8.345685997171145,27.794908062234807,8.634040054169528,1.8938927864215,774,27,162,13,14,259,113,202,0.17,0.8170000000000001,0.013,-0.9843,0,0,0,0,2,2,17.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,1,2,7,0,16,4,0,2,1,29,30,12,0,9,6,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,11,9,0,0,5,0,1,3,4,5,0,0,7,1,32,2,28,16,2,21,0,1,0,2,19,5,0,4,13,111,43,4,0.0,0.4240411032275877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862393653639065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310224369341135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728940966663675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22537495038896266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315777961054588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169856149323993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622476923148112,0.0,0.19156431261107754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442425500556967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980563276027837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668658934479967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021766329179966,0.0,0.17915515199741622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667865081536672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161950916057793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865353516117815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466072398295644,0.0,0.0,0.3130327877726577,0.0,0.0,0.1709896062746351,0.0,0.12149190181775747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554639128988633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249658450202973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523470649037552 bpd,immaterialthrowaway,2018/01/03,"I always feel abandoned and it's so tiring I'm in somewhat of a long distance relationship and I keep looking for signs of rejection, and any small thing makes me feel devalued, unloved, humiliated and abandoned. It’s like I need constant fucking reassurance and appreciation, and it’s getting so tiring. He has not been talking to me as often as before, and I know it’s mostly because he is going through a bad period, but I can barely focus on anything else. I want to ask him if he loves me or cares about me, and I want to say that sometimes I feel like dying even though I don’t *really*, because I have things I look forward to in the future but the present has been so empty for a long time now. I just want to hear that I matter because I just don’t feel like I do. He met a lot of his friends recently and I kept feeling that they were probably much better than me, and that I don’t matter anymore at all once I’m not the only one around. I have a really hard time accepting that being happy with others and not being physically around me doesn't automatically mean that he doesn't care anymore. It’s so incredibly selfish but I really wish I was the only one that could make him truly happy, because that would be something certain and I could stop worrying about whether I’m still enough. I hate that I see abandonment in everything. A couple of days ago I said I missed him and he didn’t say he missed me too. I’m in pain for days and if not that, I feel empty and unneeded, and I just think about the future because I made sure I’ll have something to look forward to. But I really don’t want to depend on anyone, because that feels weak and I don’t want to lose control in that sense. I want to be happy about happiness that doesn’t involve me, I don’t want to read things into everything. I don’t want to rely on outside sources for being content. Words of appreciation will make me feel an emotional high, then it’s destroyed the same day by some minor thing which most often is meaningless. ",4.35614214992928,5.333252443069308,5.634172560113154,80.36722772277228,70.36138613861385,8.345685997171145,28.785007072135787,8.634040054169528,2.1113432814710054,1593,58,313,26,28,534,188,404,0.156,0.645,0.198,0.931,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,3,20,31,3,0,13,0,33,6,0,6,3,89,81,33,1,16,15,0,9,3,1,2,4,4,0,0,25,21,0,7,12,1,0,3,15,15,0,2,9,17,47,16,43,63,9,35,0,7,4,2,24,16,1,11,23,216,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575286623244694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061720672385742976,0.0,0.0,0.05044246737083489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712603162721066,0.051865834523856284,0.0,0.0610408227800434,0.13206537066733834,0.06934488209093134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193416096838556,0.2713033178353663,0.0,0.06311861770541181,0.0,0.0,0.06560296118305464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512554820971844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015829186483144,0.08319509336049823,0.1184475728956246,0.08207472978287825,0.0,0.14351284425561345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698334914832737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061964829393753286,0.08343841940643676,0.0,0.07664400688317809,0.0,0.04899278519118523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332985613541953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000463647143833,0.10598321061479657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730847054641874,0.06857484813750744,0.03875408578083901,0.0,0.04215613390960825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31584845155232943,0.06644744746159101,0.07323379720369333,0.0,0.0,0.08360214696179012,0.0,0.0,0.07837139528127304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593135560007941,0.0,0.0,0.040765386732129344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871646585789936,0.0,0.0,0.13128748609248786,0.18686837794802968,0.0829843715428801,0.0,0.06306208739391174,0.06694705955161774,0.07018746388739547,0.14853988578957047,0.0,0.0,0.08079979991127813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452815831180023,0.05500082991539418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899540090907978,0.10052764038810634,0.1128289262523024,0.07892887522719645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997466019568569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419643163945848,0.0,0.19007709850349014,0.0,0.07324020528005645,0.07963764926248665,0.0,0.0,0.07055870311387538,0.11797603494226405,0.0,0.0,0.05910895404983401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420916934825298,0.07336231520488852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923733568638866,0.06201475707287848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991034001062098,0.0,0.0,0.059620147182369874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711790628781906,0.04752921539327224,0.07287789557635904,0.0,0.08650566226097711,0.17050962454111004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500091045191917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529915151800657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532969262571806,0.0,0.052692756828713376,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LuisEnRod,2018/01/03,"DAE experience this? When I get into a confrontation with another person, especially if it's someone close to me, I usually start saying tons of stuff than I end uo forgetting when I calm down. It's kind of like a Jekyll and Hyde situation. Lat time it happened was around 2 weeks ago during a trip with my friends. I got into a tiff with my best friend, and the next thing I remember was her saying she wante to get away from me. Everything I said in those 30 seconds (it was a really short yet impetuous fight) completely vanished off my mind. What does this mean? Am I splitting? I really wish it could stop since that led me to having no friends, and I would like to prevent it next time I feel it coming.",3.6727077922077918,5.267888335714286,4.7979220779220775,83.33253246753249,72.78571428571429,8.805194805194805,26.298701298701296,9.339509955726095,2.170642857142857,557,19,113,13,11,183,95,140,0.048,0.775,0.177,0.9535,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,2,0,6,0,7,0,0,1,0,24,18,6,0,5,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,0,1,14,11,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,5,4,19,8,18,11,2,25,0,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,15,75,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141911293709824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554582948391031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197838251989455,0.0,0.0,0.1392904534259489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155584476641495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277085557192528,0.15544254757803547,0.0,0.0,0.11836955445003708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297389501966663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313099262160677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332420351031114,0.14502183860144152,0.0,0.0,0.07496218292478589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436243373650373,0.0,0.15491423774596852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857306742215472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110140751074656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438476914829852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485980939794713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149315821908986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496952879700352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153417503489345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294505481605373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899518994858616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794401522253274,0.0,0.14102445573150946,0.2357966541738004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263806861460445,0.16664483244231398,0.0,0.0,0.12561598099836685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493565256888188,0.0,0.0,0.12394781901546373,0.0,0.0,0.16971650611809833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849403483334357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289736630163569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328193797650892,0.0,0.08744464057507846,0.0,0.11892121896808985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048593421242855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053160988626615,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,katvalentinova,2018/01/03,"Dealing with extreme emotions Really tired of this feeling all emotions to the extreme thing. I just did an exam that I thought was going to be TERRIBLE, but it wasn’t (I think). Now, I’m at an equally terrible high. I’m scared that if I didn’t do well in the exam, this is all gonna come crashing down and it’ll suck worse than the good feeling high right now. What are some ways you deal with extreme emotions? I am aware that all of this may turn out the way I don’t want it to, but I know emotionally I can never be prepared for when it happens, and either I will feel the pain very very hard, or I will go numb. Based on personal experience, I’ve found it’s usually the latter. ",5.157253521126759,4.643859338028172,6.040950704225353,83.36663732394369,68.29577464788733,9.071830985915494,31.834507042253517,8.472884824447931,2.2021661971830992,534,20,116,7,8,177,90,142,0.213,0.715,0.07200000000000001,-0.9738,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,5,8,1,1,8,0,16,3,0,0,4,26,33,7,0,2,6,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,13,6,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,6,1,0,6,4,11,2,14,20,6,18,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,4,5,79,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115821543940634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772355197937194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6049775501933301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315233200886963,0.0,0.0,0.20395428594295895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474235618598053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282836611529416,0.11277492944417787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889859175970438,0.0,0.12044575588764153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841193245256996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389324957653967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370040292502714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430701765270397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740139309753796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613566314724168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148242982302247,0.0,0.0,0.13461345351832876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932628764840582,0.08615368224788889,0.0,0.10674268153199844,0.0,0.1545368663396977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624901983405392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808378379622592,0.22187980697563228,0.07930536230481029,0.2134491017260968,0.0,0.0,0.12089167973505666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702168417400395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aw_hellno,2018/01/03,"who else struggles with excessive daydreaming to the point where you can't connect with the outside world? Ive always been a very vivid daydreamer, especially as a kid. Back then i could read a few pages of a book, get inspired and then create an intricate inner world in my mind and run with it from there. I struggled a lot as a kid to fit in from kindergarten to high school, i found it hard to make friends and socialise. There was a good deal of bullying and rejection as well. I've always retreated into my own mind, however now at 22 I find its becoming hard to stay connected to the rest of the world. I more often than not feel like theres a glass wall between me and other people. On top of that i have a general ambivalence towards others, i find the conversations in my head fulfilling and real enough that i don't care about making an effort with other people. I find myself often getting lost in my daydreams, I know the difference between fantasy and real life but it feels like i get stuck inside myself. At work I'm friendly and sociable enough with new people and make an effort, however soon find myself not caring and i slowly stop talking to them. If i do socialise with people i feel I'm instantly very janky and awkward, which I'm assuming forces me to retreat further. Often I can barely wait for work or uni to be over so I can be by myself, ill talk to other people if I'm particularly desperate and trying to make time fly by but thats about it. I've also dissociated severely in the past but i don't think thats part of this issue. I had so many other thoughts I was going to jot down but they're escaping me right now, I guess what i'm trying to find out is if anyone else has had similar experience.",4.855391304347826,5.67794248115942,6.095942028985507,78.07434782608699,69.1159420289855,9.246376811594203,28.91304347826087,9.43228470229965,2.5246521739130428,1376,48,262,28,23,463,186,345,0.12,0.8059999999999999,0.075,-0.9332,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,6,17,14,0,3,19,0,18,3,1,4,0,61,44,28,0,4,10,0,5,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,18,20,0,2,14,3,0,2,5,5,1,0,9,6,34,9,50,32,9,38,0,2,1,0,11,25,0,10,12,185,52,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287479033744544,0.1516510962448586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371860803815639,0.09337109963617984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700715778333212,0.0,0.0,0.10064338727981388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582153099146345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275805489002385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394865932139104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520905301018953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225100347997778,0.0,0.0,0.18831855219900856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914037855629148,0.0,0.0,0.13823071258293151,0.1302032969831697,0.0,0.0,0.4164453433899822,0.0,0.0,0.09991682162096917,0.14081007297140405,0.0,0.142831389357703,0.0,0.05178997306511755,0.0764335928832522,0.0,0.0,0.10038743754181303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326504331068495,0.0,0.09352331255818752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628142038346918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511364513064237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008140180437382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436619086381554,0.08904078428362222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947665147282216,0.07747351345272184,0.0,0.0,0.24331379471791426,0.09238918673356666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840260027927872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801170240992713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986824208977794,0.08699170283948203,0.31588237247209183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614513343273299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115236241479856,0.207446550456928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782255956434317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922260994638482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294836475072916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971300053675536,0.0,0.07618683927067046,0.0,0.1905329200772157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648998996606394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839095184349211,0.0,0.07234521629669363,0.05313729584504248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237394557088167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503797955713604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193474806309323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326841047116358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,derpyskunk,2018/01/03,"DAE avoid their bedroom out of anxiety? My anxiety kicks up at night, particularly the later it gets, when bedtime draws near. I have anxiety during the day too, but I'm usually able to overcome it by focusing on something. At night, however, I'm prone to this kind of anxiety that makes me avoid my bedroom... I feel more comfortable/at ease/distracted by being on the couch, and I'll usually mindlessly browse facebook or watch infomercials until I can't keep my eyes open anymore and pass out (note I say ""passing out"" because I can't make the conscious decision to just ""go to sleep""). Some nights the anxiety is so bad that I don't pass out, and am forced to go to work the next morning on literally zero sleep. I don't understand it and neither does my psychologist. I can't take it. I'm so exhausted and worn down. I want to understand it so bad so I can start to work on it and overcome it, but even google isn't yielding any relevant results... Thoughts? Advice? Literally ANYTHING...?",4.263912280701753,6.032640373684213,5.559473684210527,77.76464912280704,71.57894736842105,9.698245614035088,33.19298245614035,10.047579312681364,3.6329192982456138,781,39,146,22,15,261,109,190,0.185,0.8079999999999999,0.008,-0.9861,1,2,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,2,8,6,0,2,6,0,11,4,3,3,0,30,28,15,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,10,11,0,4,6,0,0,5,7,5,0,1,2,4,16,1,26,25,3,30,0,0,2,0,2,14,0,2,11,90,26,2,0.13291652319139372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988448814459969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038779367194016,0.0,0.5084038821644687,0.0,0.1318174752706546,0.0,0.0,0.10937897336477394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195948987586206,0.08102467885090826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857201615488367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631614515343215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779011000232999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720658782023639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944339744031773,0.0,0.15107904638429598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814231295784965,0.0,0.1384121051581781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774456226879455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135823031912634,0.3741994590087286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570055412040076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26602502782967563,0.0,0.0,0.10232563326652654,0.0,0.0,0.09407899923245887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999366837745188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552087249425272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27674157639039154,0.0,0.0,0.2927775439807333,0.0,0.07839760912665288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935296238229711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,carlesb,2018/01/03,"Does anyone else have this problem in relationships? Have any of you ever had an SO tell you ""It's hard for you to see how much I love you when you don't love yourself,"" or that ""I wish you could see what I see,"" since your self-image is poor? I really feel like my self-criticism and self-hatred take a toll on my perception and strain my relationship. I think my boyfriend used to think he could fix it, but the problem is really within myself. Now I don't know if it's ever going to be fixed. Has anyone heard of something similar to those statements from their SO or know what I'm talking about? I feel like it's sort of a BPD issue relating back to feelings of worthlessness.",6.6869254658385096,5.4934664710144965,7.062339544513461,79.54239130434786,65.44927536231884,10.494409937888197,30.583850931677016,9.606745405546679,2.4390546583850936,535,15,112,9,7,175,88,138,0.079,0.8240000000000001,0.098,0.5494,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,7,1,0,9,8,0,1,4,0,11,2,0,2,2,25,29,10,0,6,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,9,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,2,8,20,4,15,24,1,9,0,1,3,2,16,3,0,4,7,74,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941783435208568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388198840044603,0.13472723266298833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110783536445034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560728416325732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996842550789468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506794642595128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984317657683552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378807994088029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945616414391024,0.18787322795267208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472890196154776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778937787795055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724159024443555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445271331124388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847892450038342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373500502002383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666041495559292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25163669658127946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684719581930796,0.0,0.0,0.28234249833939745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143419585186097,0.0,0.41151881767834586,0.0,0.0,0.10877003928069436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122756794581396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886425447975954,0.1056868294250508,0.11492821679092255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850720158774327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356530133758283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120722277000562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whelmedfuck,2018/01/03,"Getting away from it all I always thought i just had a lot of anxiety combined with really poor copong skills, and that was why i hated school even though i was so good at it. I recenty found out i have bpd, and a lot more stuff is starting to make sense. I just want to escape, i dont fit in and i dont want to. I like myself the way i am, but if im the one with the problem, then i should be the one to separate myself from society to releive the burden i put on everyone else, as well as the guilt i face myself. I dont want to live like this, but escaping this way of life seems mead impossible. I have no money and a high school diploma, im paralyzed with the fear of making the wrong chioce, or ending up in another situation i hate. ",4.399170182841068,3.800393797468357,6.044008438818567,82.99838959212377,69.88607594936707,9.8070323488045,28.31504922644164,9.444778638647367,2.0917445850914214,572,17,131,11,9,198,96,158,0.235,0.695,0.07,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,2,2,11,0,12,2,1,2,1,27,24,13,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,2,1,4,7,1,2,5,0,20,4,23,17,4,15,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,5,94,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540883985106796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283619959593568,0.09691070987293304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902108209952934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595504356516066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.445407986651747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582582019105884,0.0,0.11220187115662172,0.0,0.0,0.08367168484166297,0.0,0.0,0.12104923872831068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255147917480024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889930913083698,0.0,0.0,0.0661856565028384,0.0,0.0,0.10625411290748392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501427577743901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384555829979408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736746958545553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947862129044422,0.12377999240587785,0.0,0.11186174965148198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21539951571604626,0.0,0.0,0.16912126226615234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168481056151566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121672294889894,0.0,0.1273495149162388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115516917204789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564161127533695,0.0,0.11532573361701408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239488633816147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966554858842793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501957392985526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244635569664624,0.10057065866897864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22415941988264115,0.20110715268531326,0.0,0.0,0.1139015404527681,0.0,0.1143100065933352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850591771936574,0.0,0.0 bpd,whirler_girl,2018/01/03,"Anyone in Melbourne? I heard of a monthly meet up for people with BPD and BP in Melbourne but can't find any recent info about it. With this in mind (and the assumption that it's been discontinued) would anyone be interested in setting up something similar? I really need to feel like I'm doing some proactive to understand and aid my recovery, and I've never met anyone in real life with BPD. Would anyone be interested, or does anyone know of any resources in Melbourne I might have missed? Cheers in advance :) Edit: should have made it clear I'm looking in Melbourne, Australia ",5.599166666666669,7.323570768518517,6.173148148148153,74.8491666666667,68.16666666666666,8.362962962962964,31.092592592592588,8.841846274778883,2.796181481481481,465,19,76,8,8,151,72,108,0.023,0.7609999999999999,0.21600000000000005,0.976,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,1,2,25,22,6,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,3,4,4,19,12,1,15,0,1,1,0,3,10,0,3,4,49,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22602592962945955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5810096172575621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186138104063489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454315000465667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402921939009854,0.11872413738316955,0.0,0.0,0.1518920497615492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133211471492562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738290295267627,0.08119064993692435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955535565413113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572503051531449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762983100750541,0.1678016528296557,0.0,0.13264900232416185,0.0,0.0,0.12322567035258213,0.12817377974590505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152132489890662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915736641673908,0.1064637475370652,0.0,0.16408976748675666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793899178429502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300669020030104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361091748227039,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bbbastardchild,2018/01/03,"I feel like BPD is making me ether insane or a really cold person. I guess there's an inbetween where I'm sitting at currently but as far as the future? I don't know. It's becoming easier to snap on people, to be hateful, to cut people out without thinking about it. I blow up a lot, I have the strength to at least do half of it in private. I just feel crazier every second of the day. I'm a ticking time bomb, I'm just waiting for someone to do something little. I hate everybody because of how much I hate myself and I've been letting that takeover so I'm just a different person every day. Sometimes I feel like I'm shaking myself by the shoulders, just when it's really, really bad. When I'm using a weight to try to break my arm. I twitch, talk to myself, I calm down very slowly. I'm so mean to everyone and I don't want anyone around me and I can't stay in a room by myself. Every day it's a new hell. I think I'm managing because I'm turning into someone else. A functional, manipulative, aggressive mess. I feel bad for my new therapist. 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I've been searching for a therapist for 3 months now. I have 3 criteria. In my insurance, does DBT, Specializes in Borderline. I put in the filter for my insurance since I don't have $100+/week to spend and instantly I'm knocked down to around 20 people. Then I put in DBT and i get literally zero results. I don't even get to put in the borderline filter and I get shut down. What the fuck am I supposed to do? My insurance is free as it's paid for by the state which is nice because I don't have a job and can't afford any other insurance but they don't cover seemingly any therapists and I can't change because I can't afford it but I can't afford to go without either. How am I supposed to get help or get better if I have shit insurance and no money? I'm just lost, I really don't know what to do. ",1.5483473389355744,3.2840218677248707,3.9797447868036113,86.33154061624653,79.0,8.04494242141301,24.874260815437285,8.841846274778883,1.8787383131030189,699,26,152,17,17,244,89,189,0.087,0.835,0.078,-0.3736,4,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,6,7,2,0,7,0,21,2,1,2,0,20,35,14,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,5,4,12,3,0,1,4,0,20,5,24,31,1,18,0,1,0,1,3,9,2,3,4,99,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566557063798126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280698955662207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539691344456115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723644881460988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218955279552007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589678313456748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502113765671882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300040116590578,0.3758162865584482,0.0,0.08176150401877268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285866785280392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276330591223374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906416034906245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704508339756826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229662523913656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973752190935904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338706389242032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216327502003006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096882691105832,0.0,0.0,0.14767482977845944,0.11900619131733806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5011132775637641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539941468486405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386802328361818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chachacha69,2018/01/03,"Is this abuse. I hate this. My mother and step fathers household was filled with strangeness. They would talk in the open about their sex life, though they acted like they were being sneaky My mother would comment on my hair, makeup, perfume, telling me I looked like a hooker. She would also ask me what I thought of the models in magazines or on lingerie ads; all when I was very young. I soon learned that my stepfather loved dressing up in women’s clothing. They also kept their porn collection easy to find. My stepfather would always comment on me and my sisters body and how we were developing. He would also take digital photos of us at the pool, all in front of my mother. He would also walk through my room while I was showering, as my bathroom was attached to my room. My mother was a narcissist. She would steal money from me and always stuck by her husbands. My step father soon progressed into sneaking into me and my sisters room while we were sleeping. I woke up once to him taking a photo of me in bed in the middle of the night. I also once heard him under my bed and in my closet. Once we found photos from up my sisters dress on his phone. He would sneak photos of me from up my skirt while driving me to school, pretty obviously but I was scared because I was young. I also saw that he googled “sex with step daughters” on his computer. He would keep guns in the house and I was always scared of dying. We told our mom but she didn’t believe us. She made up excuses for everything. We broke contact with her after a while but he still has an eleven year old daughter. I’m fucked up from this. I have nightmares and feel danger all the time. I have no trust and hate sex. I am on mood stabilizers and am in therapy. Fuck this. 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I read a tweet about someone’s ungrateful kid on Christmas, getting a lot of expensive electronics and pitching a fit because he didn’t also get a PS4. Then today I told this story to a coworker, and said it was my little cousin that did it. I’ve done things like this before... just wondering if anyone can relate. 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It was truly the worst year of my life, I was extremely suicidal every single day of it. The only reason I’m still here is because I keep hoping things will get better when I’m the one who fucked up my life. After graduating high school I just got sadder and sadder, I was free from seeing people who had badly hurt me in class everyday, but I no longer got to see the friends and teachers I loved everyday. Without mandatory classes where we saw each other, everyone got too busy and my friend group only gets together once every couple weeks now. I felt abandoned, tried to keep busy by working on art and trying to get a job, but after a couple applications led to no interviews I guess I just gave up. I’m 19, still living with my parents, with no drivers license, no job and very little job experience to get one. I’m trying to sign up for community college for this semester but I’m pretty damn sure it’s way too late to get into any classes. I didn’t even plan on living this long, I sure as hell never planned on college. I don’t know how to do anything. When I do rarely see my friends and everyone asks what I’ve been up to, I’m too ashamed to say that I’m alone in my room nearly everyday. I want to get my license and I finished the online course, but my parents are always too busy to help me practice driving, and I get frustrated when I do practice because we don’t get along, so it gets really stressful and I just end up coming home in tears of sadness or rage. Signing up for classes has been taking so much longer and has so many more steps than I thought it would. I feel so stupid for not doing this earlier and for not being prepared or knowing how to do this. It’s probably pointless and I feel like the college is just gonna laugh at me for trying to get in this semester when it’s about to start! And I feel like I can’t apply for a job again until I know for sure if I’ll be in community college so that I know what hours I can work. I wanna stop being a failure and get something done, but I feel so overwhelmed by everything that I haven’t done and need to do, I just spend most of my time stress-crying, unfairly lashing out at everyone, and still not doing anything important. I don’t want to be this pathetic child anymore but it feels like there’s no way out. My biggest fear is that 2018 is gonna turn into another 2017 :(",5.022484848484847,5.129572894949497,6.030050505050508,81.21840909090909,68.53535353535354,8.862626262626259,30.641414141414145,8.648137234880735,2.262547474747475,1913,70,386,28,30,637,232,495,0.2,0.6890000000000001,0.111,-0.9941,6,2,1,0,0,0,41.0,2,0,0,5,32,30,6,5,10,0,35,4,0,4,4,80,90,40,1,7,18,2,7,3,3,4,2,1,2,1,24,28,0,4,13,1,3,4,16,16,0,2,17,12,49,15,66,65,6,60,1,4,4,2,17,27,3,6,30,257,73,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228659594481518,0.0,0.0,0.058075051258317564,0.0,0.0,0.04746300979757194,0.07318616836494768,0.0,0.0,0.06921790947757718,0.0,0.0,0.11487071591332032,0.0,0.0652489259475903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827592982785981,0.0850927978196601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061728027031075786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060122233234238286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544537334059971,0.07666655671049834,0.045012016580563086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428490840471649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181767513907355,0.0,0.0,0.0460989552006737,0.0,0.11761063616764801,0.20007640973545174,0.0627272672998067,0.0682729262369967,0.0,0.07853880634415916,0.2117427679062933,0.14958473760236765,0.06701416850850951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617703875802804,0.06452437516764663,0.40111521380354864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746437013645898,0.0,0.076887087865408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046782133473958536,0.07374227503064508,0.07001009996414,0.06932220728154037,0.06873403965397151,0.0,0.074717016891082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770431676928165,0.12407404871011865,0.0,0.0,0.15343007990822952,0.0,0.07873182730213768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859657928705463,0.10229496995530236,0.06995295001230592,0.12326057006288328,0.06176640005430412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299273427798767,0.0,0.0,0.07076119972918511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130737347104701,0.051752126040097296,0.05383022535374467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432942286004436,0.0945898293513335,0.10616452190558093,0.0,0.0,0.1549982292759046,0.0,0.0,0.0483870817347623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100663132797336,0.07525084077508898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471247967630832,0.07176090917440188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055503804573811516,0.0,0.07063629062159532,0.1668527935737098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373161946953909,0.0,0.0,0.04940127732869035,0.0,0.16721518934008806,0.05835176540642242,0.15989992870956002,0.0,0.0,0.07634442823284382,0.0,0.19734295282277564,0.0,0.052477172065317663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04636871273878752,0.0,0.0,0.05540945299783146,0.04069803986047808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189544959737394,0.0759169441330243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057588204452680675,0.08233382714461981,0.11080008296377747,0.05598535840478183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727991264249086,0.0,0.1016232176765879,0.0,0.0,0.04958038264139942,0.0,0.0,0.04494570723494129 bpd,littlecorpse,2018/01/03,"Anyone an addict? I can't go a day sober, I mix pills and alcohol daily. Its like the only thing that makes me feel like I'm worth living. Idk how to stay sober, idek if I fucking want to",0.2374390243902447,1.9638160975609757,2.509939024390245,95.32393292682929,83.14634146341461,5.0756097560975615,15.128048780487804,5.985473137389443,-0.7682731707317072,144,2,34,1,4,49,35,41,0.035,0.752,0.213,0.7264,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,6,7,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471239208001836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402932798490004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264610335549392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053540373176955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100231140335616,0.22747873509714256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943734129832255,0.0,0.0,0.1809649653509292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31112706744306323,0.0,0.28116998112259545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125472838881776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421721447893108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393924927084726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115435630192634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18781188998390616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jessicahh93,2018/01/03,Made my first appointment I go to see a LCSW at 6pm on Thursday and printed out and filled out the form they e-mailed me to print out. How long did it take for those with a diagnosis for your psychologist or whatever to diagnose you with BPD? ,9.156399999999998,5.594332640000001,9.5,71.48,62.6,14.0,39.0,12.161744961471696,4.309000000000001,192,7,42,5,2,65,42,50,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,10,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,0,12,3,1,10,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924230073742201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968343619748823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33256562169876674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220176381494516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34600315862849923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36995276433360136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31155878466682946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293966740404614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,i-cant-rap,2018/01/03,"Why do my intrusive relationship thoughts get worse when I go to work So I have bad retroactive/OCD jealousy where I'm so overwhelmed and threatened by my partners past that I can't function and I obsessively ask questions then struggle to believe (been lied to a lot) but when I take a few days off work, no matter what I'm doing, it eases a lot. Even if we are apart for the day. Even if Ive had the day off and have to go to work the next day I don't sleep and it intensifies. It's not like I don't trust what he's doing, I trust he wouldn't cheat or anything. We text through the day. And my job sucks but it's not that bad, It's not particularly stressful but it is boring. That's the only reason I can think of. There's a definite link and it's been pointed out. I just don't get why? I get bored when I'm off work but it doesn't make my jealousy worse? It paralyses me and it's all I can think about. I work full time and need to try and relax in the evening but I can't. I'm exhausted and it's only been one day back. There's a clear pattern but why",-0.032317596566521445,1.919516291845493,2.073126180257514,96.79923433476395,85.65236051502146,5.101390557939915,20.049613733905574,6.360717304075467,-0.0956230386266097,828,25,202,8,25,277,112,233,0.16399999999999998,0.7,0.136,-0.7661,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,5,14,15,2,4,11,0,21,2,1,2,2,40,38,25,0,4,13,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,16,13,0,0,6,1,0,2,11,11,0,1,5,0,22,4,16,32,5,25,0,1,0,0,8,9,1,6,15,128,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507948113726114,0.0,0.1080141962124059,0.0,0.0,0.0888430401045508,0.1929419565907602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017388537128172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4470820066605463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289390140873133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109446433587847,0.0,0.13132795910440714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465550827041428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056446951914423324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645575782789212,0.0,0.0,0.07712377075885778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567136110400103,0.0,0.0,0.12287797900974352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829281661631897,0.17574657871175547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029589432844306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922253759693064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943111431455032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879424544352582,0.0,0.12404659744108112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562332703205333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323505484814956,0.12078737473218196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687161478624683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806658667552894,0.0,0.09172576316332272,0.06737223638716988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844399802301864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312770326775606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205720636180213,0.0,0.23549002836352084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,newacct0987,2018/01/03,"Now I'm really reaping what I sow. Pathetic self loathing post ahead. Lost my job becsuse my dumb ass couldn't stop smoking weed. I got injured and if we get injured, we immediately have to go to urgent care and get checked out, as well as drug tested. Its the only job out of the 15+ I've had in my working life that I didn't totally hate. Some days, yeah, I did. But overall, I got to work with animals and I liked that. It took me months and moving across the country to get it. My work history is total shit. I tend to only get jobs that have a high turnover rate. The job I just lost did have a high turnover rate. But I liked it nonetheless. I'm not going to find another job that pays well enough to support me. Granted, it barely did, but it was income. My landlord is already not too keen with me as far as payments, so if she finds out I'm unemployed, that won't be good. I'm already behind on everything else Im supposed to pay monthly. I just want my storm to finish destroying the pathetic mess that is my life. And by the way, for anyone that has followed my posts, my FP is a married guy. Just so you get an idea of how much of a piece of shit I am. ",1.1981277728482702,3.0210672653061263,3.0614906832298168,92.08590062111804,80.42857142857143,6.22005323868678,24.121561668145517,7.255503002510835,0.8913496007098494,900,33,203,12,23,301,138,245,0.171,0.7490000000000001,0.079,-0.9809,9,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,2,1,0,6,10,16,5,0,11,1,18,8,3,1,2,32,40,17,0,4,10,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,1,2,14,12,0,1,3,0,3,5,5,8,2,0,11,0,27,8,29,26,6,24,0,2,0,1,6,9,4,3,9,127,41,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254121942768317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709515793879873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141363647838668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413120807767087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586721415447169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844163627099437,0.0,0.08531885857799809,0.0,0.0,0.10553049605872396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179038537778553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866950787635541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668008930553383,0.0,0.1160888608075988,0.08566415659351723,0.16336987866754032,0.0,0.0,0.10112754064230338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083500669464587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158178455741024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529551248884425,0.11032096245432284,0.0,0.5067552801093498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427885031934146,0.09979386550273146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22298005700668266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304287140567242,0.10855101530849118,0.0750793679743783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535321079086215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956300025223396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542889428083519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654679669041324,0.0,0.20967572654976172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538760358441684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589910411527145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347331148460732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024057836850737,0.08106827184520984,0.0,0.0,0.18365932631868065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306170941452766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,solong4now,2018/01/03,"Desperately seeking relationship advice I need some help, insight, suggestions, advice, anything. I have been with my significant other for 5+ years, and he has been there for me through everything. So many breakdowns, addictions, tears, mood swings, everything. I love him and he is my best friend. We have been together so long. However, the “spark” has faded a bit. I love the companionship we have, but I don’t feel “in love” anymore. But I still love him dearly, if that makes any sense. He is a very, very good person and would be a wonderful life partner. Here’s the dilemma: I recently met someone else and began to have serious feelings for this other person. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to cheat on my significant other (and haven’t) but I feel like emotionally I’ve already cheated. I am scared to break up with him because of our long history together. It would just seem like such a waste of everything we fought for together. I would lose my best friend. But I also don’t want to let this other person go. I feel alive for the first time in a long time. I’m terrified of hurting my significant other, but I am also terrified of possibly making the mistake of not pursuing this potential new relationship. I’ve been struggling with this for a while now, and it is literally tearing me apart. It consumes all of my thoughts. I can barely function. I feel so confused and scared and guilty. I need some help figuring out what to do because I can’t go on like this for much longer. Decisions need to be made soon. I didn’t even want to start the new year with this still looming over my head, but alas. Please help me figure this out. ",3.77068582778362,5.810645813880129,4.7346302138100285,82.02918915761191,73.51104100946372,8.355602289987148,28.144526229699732,9.049649993220411,2.417263208318728,1301,52,249,29,27,423,156,317,0.175,0.611,0.214,0.9212,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,4,0,0,4,14,25,3,4,12,0,31,7,1,3,1,56,60,21,0,11,9,0,5,3,3,3,2,0,0,4,18,17,0,0,13,0,0,2,8,11,0,1,10,5,37,13,34,44,7,31,0,2,0,4,29,9,0,6,22,170,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789446634166088,0.0,0.17550162754955145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990957347048849,0.14362489807254242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106658742181025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890567525804832,0.0,0.0,0.07389715322989861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948161103105024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847760118815596,0.0,0.09803755221503803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501577278987419,0.10101209949866308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931157526297597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421173984940287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22702606202236,0.06415262113045088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638321878372208,0.0,0.0,0.13875739665568204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020699966094471,0.0753193726962571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215996486149933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057168660924855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613198285013827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935133395359675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182584438868456,0.06342788472753345,0.13161417179882448,0.0,0.0,0.2384086018607036,0.0,0.10046242072601842,0.0,0.0,0.32418941243986465,0.08497024675428451,0.11988342883796807,0.09104237189685163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601280072241528,0.19975507722145025,0.0,0.17345740178852395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522779376643865,0.0,0.09857263946658358,0.0,0.10123519175306027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866595215585843,0.1928216332084872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980948293115026,0.0,0.0,0.08174988877213939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608663563532768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356039015662868,0.0,0.14342763654814852,0.0,0.0,0.0938777013931689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129059492682781,0.1047253606391958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818761543666836,0.15889781983515344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738348486874704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137248884284044,0.0,0.0,0.1156555798632914 bpd,mettaworldpolice,2018/01/03,"Splitting - in need of tips/tricks Hello all - My splitting is officially at an all time worst. I can have an incredibly satisfying day, but at the wrong time, someone or some thing might send my mind off on its own, and it’s very hard to handle & deal with in stride, without projecting onto anybody. I’m in the middle of a few legal issues that are keeping me off-Center, so perhaps my BPD/splitting is as wonky as it ever has been because of that, but nonetheless, I would appreciate any and all advice related to keeping the splitting as tame and manageable as possible. Thanks in advance. This sub is one of the best support bases around.",5.037122040072858,6.596232803278693,5.752404371584699,77.96463570127506,69.327868852459,8.373041894353369,31.588342440801448,8.841846274778883,2.7187020036429868,510,22,91,9,9,166,88,122,0.065,0.7809999999999999,0.154,0.9171,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,7,0,10,0,0,0,4,20,16,11,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,1,6,3,22,13,8,17,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,3,4,69,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909766527490104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117535552680117,0.0,0.1329023852765056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397843215202555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191352576281709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509679537253336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461433252543048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603929660542693,0.2014847268974065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678199143376175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507121922205388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039831856227554,0.0,0.3474229109113868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073254689636975,0.19733346480168326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449124491513209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243169783485734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203234047609615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559129616579546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177712762573606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799301327894943,0.0,0.0,0.12983821614914126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791924054561505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125420128632206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18839220077946656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388312950246347,0.21367730533364124,0.0,0.0 bpd,heathervive,2018/01/04,"money, lies, boyfriend, fml I'm going fucking crazy. I feel like dying and I feel like a huge fuck up and an idiot, worthless. So my boyfriend helped me pay my college tuition (I had to go back to finish up a grad certificate to become a licensed counselor) and I got reimbursement from work. So he paid it and I was just going to pay him back with my reimbursement. I didn't get the full amount, so I was like, well I'll just pay him back with part of my money. I didn't tell him I didn't get the full amount, either. Because I was like, I will figure it out. It took a while to get the reimbursement, too. I finally did and sent up the transfer, than cancelled it because I needed the money for bills. And I didn't tell him. I just lied and said that I set up the transfer and it should have gone through. I was planning on doing this until my next payday. Then just pay him. And not say anything. Well today he was like, show me your checking account, why hasn't it gone through, etc etc? I ended up telling him the truth. He was rightfully pissed off. Like, I lied. He said he didn't care about the money and he wished I just told him because he would have just let me have the money. He's more upset because I didn't tell him the truth. Again, I get. I was crying and I apologized and I told him I would pay him back and I acknowledged I lied and how fucked up it was and that he didn't deserve that and that I shouldn't have done it. He said it didn't matter why I did it, but that I did it, and that now he can't trust anything I say or do or have said or done in the past. Related to everything. We have had money arguments before. We don't live together, though. He just tells me to tell him when I need help, but I don't want to make my stupid fucking money problems his. So I don't tell him everything going on. I have been able to figure it out mostly. And sometimes I have really bad, desperate months, sadly. But I HATE telling him. Plus he's made comments like, ""how come you have no money?"" I'm a single mom and all my money goes to bills! I have very little spending money. He has two roommates and makes way more money than me. Plus I've been in poverty most of my life, while raising my kid. I make okay/decent money now, but I have a lot of debt. I even brought up having a roommate to him in the past and he is so against it. And I don't know why. But he doesn't want to live with me because I have a kid and because of my rabbits. I don't know why I lied. Well ... I am embarrassed as fuck and ashamed about my money situation. I try so fucking hard. And I thought I could pay him without him realizing what actually happened. I realized me lying made it way fucking worse and was fucked up. I feel so bad. He left my apartment and walked home. I haven't contacted him. But he said he's not sure what to do about this because he says he cannot trust me at all anymore. I feel like shit. Absolute shit. I want to die. I have been laying in my bed, crying, feel so fucking down. I really fucking love him. It sucks so much. I'm not going to contact him until he contacts me. :( FML. help! What should I do? I just want to die. Like, dying would be so much easier than dealing with all of this. ",0.484793297455969,2.59705393154762,2.293589367253752,95.01465264187868,84.83333333333334,5.110763209393347,20.217384213959555,6.404686907569557,0.0584716405740382,2470,74,560,24,73,814,238,672,0.232,0.701,0.066,-0.9989,2,0,0,0,1,2,98.0,2,2,0,2,37,44,17,3,21,0,68,15,3,7,6,105,130,58,4,15,22,1,6,9,0,7,1,8,2,2,27,38,0,0,13,1,30,12,24,25,3,1,44,14,105,19,61,76,19,62,0,2,0,11,78,26,14,6,30,377,132,12,0.05140397692624549,0.0,0.05016286636719817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050978932450193706,0.0,0.0,0.08460218621522468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810594111259355,0.0858403471757287,0.2193477105384257,0.05677165390968049,0.0437409982824369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240978037178121,0.0,0.0,0.0442799745027825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041041892795935814,0.0,0.11292970981735705,0.0,0.05299524306990667,0.0,0.0,0.21339684963249836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520823095027927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045528666047964524,0.0,0.11465804460080548,0.033951841957332536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239715982748636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299569762530025,0.11016903416133006,0.0,0.05631054411616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752214835566501,0.1074258252922259,0.0,0.14607032346149218,0.0,0.04111245619057763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04545636703163808,0.0,0.04604786655586987,0.05075078501645368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033650065529987,0.0,0.05156238008111725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650056277706032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558505713363723,0.05256404913307642,0.03630814909920957,0.2260204794989637,0.051520289189380265,0.0907813067807786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04370182295908348,0.046394096121189866,0.0972793717275573,0.102937661270074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602037165054994,0.04103016395998288,0.0,0.07557567531636235,0.07623079510676889,0.0,0.0,0.054668712626465686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566549773014072,0.09814182491465877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918666365969385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586140778601758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043898715428455484,0.2444847672456535,0.12263551696892992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553088723958713,0.0,0.05778022380730515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05083984757634336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04844763991190768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594347324442845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050504146337789935,0.04080901579949748,0.0,0.0,0.04872495961682149,0.09823740564412753,0.05711170976265899,0.03489992608725605,0.0,0.05021421616696127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241366442412114,0.12127758968887067,0.08160416845175117,0.0,0.0,0.1386550458784418,0.0,0.1855363751951632,0.0,0.05911203660156435,0.049551599401706316,0.0,0.03742270742071711,0.0,0.052385044052452825,0.1095477310687683,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fumpwapper,2018/01/04,"To tell or not to tell ? So a girl who I've gotten close to exhibits all of the signs of BPD. I know because I've dated a girl with BPD before and I have psychiatrist relatives (I'm not a professional myself but have done a large amount of reading into the subject) She's currently cut all contact with me, 2 days after we admitted our feelings for each other. This is not the first time she's gone completely quiet, but it is the longest. She's not mentioned to me that she has BPD, but has opened about other issues. I care for her deeply and want her to be happy. The thought of her sad and alone makes me incredibly sad. I think a major part of her improving her life would be to receive some DBT. But, how should I tell her what I suspect? Can I tell her? Part of me is worried she'll double down and never speak to me again, whilst at the same time that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make if the seed gets planted and she seeks help 😥",3.8472307692307695,4.419379056410256,4.964615384615385,86.18538461538462,71.25641025641025,7.8461538461538485,26.794871794871803,7.882392219407189,1.3895641025641026,736,23,159,9,13,243,113,195,0.096,0.8,0.104,0.3731,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,13,0,15,1,0,3,3,40,29,13,0,4,10,0,1,0,0,4,1,2,0,2,8,12,0,0,6,1,0,2,5,3,0,1,4,3,28,2,23,19,10,17,1,2,0,0,28,5,0,3,10,114,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474344317471323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677686456485474,0.0,0.12113163489140423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.537864602579709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513803136684145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925406303057714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180569370584414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567620218394525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197778568026122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108510587303754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437339314470214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153706111331625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954159920591238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485792000176769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823330296759336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005478986069244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004302128678605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097911525936043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083081325010873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239118970479803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976900218028699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121384109777693,0.0,0.11301211669161006,0.16601396985500472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396329125734901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456604335360498,0.0,0.10112325037577613,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,codytalyor,2018/01/04,"Too messed up to go to work! Need advice! I am currently in a job I don't like , I worked all over Xmas and new years with no days off for terrible money . I was exhausted and thought it would be worth it but it wasn't and I'm still working as many days . I hate the entire job it's not for me . I have no other choice because I have nothing else at the moment but I'm miserable there . I have no apartment at the moment and my old apartment is connected with work which I'm supposed to move back into with my partner . I'm so stressed about money and life and my mental health . I want to give up the job as soon as possible I dont know how to go about it cause I do like my boss and I'm afraid to let him down but I'm overwhelmed now and had to call in sick . I know it's because of my bpd ..but i don't even get a break for 8 hour shifts .. I need a job from home ..someone please help .. 😢",-0.6709506229810813,1.2208120964467035,1.5591255191509,99.83344600830642,87.93401015228426,4.800092293493308,18.091601292108905,6.11248444174946,-0.4584091370558374,681,18,172,6,22,228,109,197,0.18,0.7659999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9771,5,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,11,10,1,4,7,0,15,4,0,3,1,28,32,17,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,1,4,0,1,1,8,12,0,0,3,0,3,3,8,8,0,0,4,0,21,2,30,25,1,29,0,2,0,0,5,12,0,0,15,107,29,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248966038258283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827969339053096,0.0,0.15582626315300474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609749932053839,0.0,0.1305105477445129,0.0,0.0,0.13129833818246556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485659234275846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497949479779786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677069364704264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441875350488327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667765999028847,0.12260910981999534,0.1452772388157415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618808769985004,0.0,0.1358583931685545,0.0,0.0,0.08566982433721057,0.0,0.1282060590309995,0.0,0.12586927243111787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50733555200683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048448646638834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069663532718626,0.09027753760389896,0.12488517098134302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958151115669087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880463711682005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584414271063835,0.0,0.18954225545956746,0.0,0.12344182042256033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263925422053215,0.0,0.13411740489311325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029941569684962,0.0,0.14408905278150558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829486335906016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207098902584953,0.0,0.14640844470791267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146861103689377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538694780151713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721952190052064,0.0,0.0,0.09079412066199982,0.0,0.0,0.08230686712209279 bpd,xVanijack,2018/01/04,"Boyfriend wanted some space today For the past few days my home situation(and probably by extension, my crazy ass) has been stressing my boyfriend out and he said he wanted some me time today(of course I freaked out and thought this meant BREAK UP TIME YALL) and honestly not talking to him made me want to kill myself, now he wants to play a game with me and it surprises me because I thought he really was done with my ass for the day he's been responding differently in our chats I thought he was annoyed with me I took my meds but I still think he hates me or his parents(bless their soul they're just concerned for his wellbeing and what my awful family's actions are doing to his health) hate me too , I can't see past that hnnnngh I just needed to get that out somewhere ",5.474802631578946,6.352316875000002,5.1656315789473695,85.1004210526316,67.75,8.974736842105264,30.989473684210523,9.120678840339163,2.404005789473685,623,24,126,11,10,191,99,152,0.157,0.8029999999999999,0.04,-0.9615,2,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,1,1,0,5,9,4,1,3,1,9,3,2,1,0,29,26,7,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,11,0,0,5,3,0,2,2,6,0,0,12,2,28,3,17,14,3,18,1,0,1,2,19,6,2,3,9,78,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935452857068316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197932706840511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603287427527694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703865335902545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466455507714732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017436842867241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030118409523979,0.0,0.1631164342578721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392876885747878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977620497577214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520367273286142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045489870465622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378559738080073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929820202010412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545140318229365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830777205952422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459716916376885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228447566083347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255007131149125,0.0,0.17578320256126165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334203090230952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832833749751377,0.0,0.3654805044154162,0.17896272605937685,0.0,0.29091647959805306,0.0,0.17049513923293788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620490373299662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,valcat79,2018/01/04,"Advice? Quitting zyprexa, starting geodon. I was taking zyprexa but like everyone else it was making me gain weight. My psychiatrist has switched me to geodon. Anyone have experience with this medication? Thanks!",5.618961038961039,8.747779727272729,4.127359307359306,73.86818181818181,100.21212121212122,6.7341991341991365,31.98701298701299,7.447530270364453,3.516864935064936,173,9,23,4,7,50,29,33,0.0,0.701,0.299,0.9239,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,3,8,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30538985459963397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852048307909414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610694415185486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986252040758157,0.0,0.305703454355274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268094983922936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20860879419135744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148299156482321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33240232155837424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22120248774044435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349753212492361,0.0,0.0,0.2877254172157505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805638302054535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,denisebrett,2018/01/04,"Link between BPD symptoms and Problematic Facebook Use: the role of emotion regulation, shame, anger, rejection sensitivity Hi, I am a Clinical Psychologist in Training completing my Doctoral thesis on the above topic. I am a DBT therapist and have worked clinically with many people with BPD. I found that facebook use could sometimes exasperate symptoms of BPD and found it to be a real problem clinically, but very little research conducted into this important area. I would be so grateful if anyone here who has a diagnosis of BPD or feels they meet the criteria for BPD would consider completing this short online study (approx 15 mins). Thanks so much, Denise. Link to study https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NUIGPersonalityFacebook ",11.461403940886695,13.13090932758621,10.607339901477836,48.52879310344832,54.86206896551725,13.180295566502464,42.43349753694581,12.540900571622839,6.24884630541872,606,30,77,19,7,194,85,116,0.086,0.8190000000000001,0.095,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,3,5,1,1,7,0,9,6,0,2,0,21,15,8,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,6,1,12,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,1,49,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826744414776427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7445802518194521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479396352986385,0.0,0.0,0.09440305958081056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102113871106653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300132516004434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978445601012367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25928273313152833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850508343141725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198743137514443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691820105890746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197102705421405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313736340413567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458021309269622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693995653884988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24578816574309295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885724684501967,0.0,0.13728290432072146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423855410739244,0.0,0.09755835846994143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607834185130561,0.0,0.0,0.16798512086901335,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gooberbby54,2018/01/04,"BPD is not a disease, or a mental illness but a disorder... So does this mean one can be ""cured"" of BPD with therapy? What kinds of meds do they prescribe? Abilify? Wellbutrin?",0.995454545454546,3.592033393939397,2.717333333333336,87.33600000000001,93.84848484848484,6.276363636363637,27.81212121212121,7.554174236665415,2.261550303030304,134,7,25,3,5,44,29,33,0.08800000000000001,0.912,0.0,-0.4234,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6567272605842872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988039924852952,0.0,0.2281549921526355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27149638362359424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839969815566423,0.28959754411721383,0.0,0.26274117115928936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666842284623546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981523348396077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Snafualoo,2018/01/04,"What do the highs feel like? I recently read a little about Mania, and although I certainly don't have it, I can relate to it if it's on a much shorter time scale, say 1-3 hours. This isn't intended as a self-diagnosis in any way, shape or form. I know very little about Mania, and how people who have it as part of a diagnosis feel, but I've recieved no treatment for BPD, meaning I don't really understand what's happening. When I read about Mania, I thought that it sounded very like my extreme highs, and I like the feeling of slightly understanding it. Would you say a short term Mania is a reasonably accurate description of a BPD high?",7.855885416666666,6.0560782343750015,8.586250000000003,71.5004166666667,63.53125,12.283333333333333,37.73958333333333,11.20814326018867,4.104745833333333,506,21,99,12,6,172,80,128,0.025,0.8690000000000001,0.106,0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,9,0,9,0,0,3,1,19,18,11,0,2,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,11,3,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,10,4,12,16,4,15,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,8,64,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570205319591488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35449208166275314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347379490306775,0.10053840928879244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444815010493758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4460707711881101,0.0,0.0,0.1385919002479909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734219622741886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626249152951268,0.2820993009858112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329755169350334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345363697352383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239819346682565,0.0,0.097565305907174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28153860101665323,0.0,0.09015602100990708,0.14469512945947124,0.13895509849393944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238302240230164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681335129597087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117248661846617,0.08206150415467726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930123193554228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23223598459066155,0.0,0.11170588927183536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997141852693377,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emoturnips,2018/01/04,"someone pls tell me to take my fucking meds i havent taken sleep meds in three days and this is my second day of not taking day meds and i just dont fucking want to take them which is stupid but i just miss my emotions and the first few days of missing feels really fucking good. especially bc i have no appetite on meds and food tastes amazing without them. i know that tomorrow wont feel as good and ill feel dead and tired but i still cant get myself to take them today. when i get like this, its like i need my bf to physically hand them to me with a glass of water but ive been needy lately and i feel like a large burden to him im so tired of needing to be cared for all the time",1.81652125279642,3.086392838926177,3.2699496644295287,93.73409675615216,76.98657718120805,6.040492170022372,21.141498881431765,6.42735559955562,0.0649592841163309,539,13,127,4,12,177,90,149,0.197,0.618,0.185,-0.026,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,1,5,14,4,0,4,0,10,11,2,0,1,24,31,13,1,3,7,0,5,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,8,3,0,5,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,2,6,22,7,17,27,2,13,0,2,0,3,7,2,3,0,14,79,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701113245775036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960571556724144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134504376204297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909580280811045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23211565252559346,0.08198853571189972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976195227986787,0.1387749651437028,0.0,0.0,0.31829671999058196,0.11992053185000386,0.0,0.0,0.1925198057160524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396649370456443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630721478715038,0.0,0.12946054533150975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682059600149059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099146400457496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701944102860702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352175353183699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484843771563895,0.0,0.09724048266555248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165192079439048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451576596570132,0.0,0.1003101539197617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692071827625368,0.2638122464834945,0.1087843273388758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676916980503216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106298999911147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slybee115,2018/01/04,"Check The Facts difficulty I've been having difficulty with the Check The Facts skill. It's been really hard for me to think of other interpretations. It's like I know what I should be writing down as ""other interpretations"" but I don't feel those other interpretations. It's gotten to feel very invalidating to me. As if I'm telling myself that I have no right to be thinking these wrong thoughts and then I feel very defensive about them. Has anyone else had this experience with this skill? Do you know how to get past it? ",4.048855555555555,6.408110530000003,5.027333333333335,78.80922222222225,73.7,8.044444444444443,23.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,1.5992777777777771,423,12,82,9,9,138,64,100,0.124,0.8420000000000001,0.034,-0.8279,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,2,2,3,1,0,3,0,11,0,0,1,2,22,22,7,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,11,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,5,4,10,1,13,14,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,56,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947325107733796,0.2483403875133881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024720355165929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23708788093978636,0.0,0.0,0.3676541120631219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663019828183608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171191315147311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26640437522474364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184114943470288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313730188225761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552707294428915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698572336406326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118452025617916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106064224281572,0.0,0.19241755875068586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999671938307661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649974745398014,0.0,0.0 bpd,TurnedTen,2018/01/04,Boredom in dating/relationships Does anyone else get bored so quickly they can't maintain relationships for any length of time? I've been seeing someone for a few weeks now that I like but I find myself constantly on Tinder. It's like I'm always looking for the next thing to the point that I can't just appreciate being with this person. Why am I like this???,3.082857142857143,5.599850714285715,4.155714285714286,83.07928571428572,77.57142857142857,6.2857142857142865,22.857142857142854,7.447530270364453,1.0944285714285718,290,9,53,4,7,94,55,70,0.08900000000000001,0.7759999999999999,0.135,0.6277,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,6,3,8,7,1,9,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,9,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847863574557548,0.0,0.0,0.1510203866264173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552818248344325,0.2275447500300279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399869962693239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434160851100615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855173424307004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297490750794286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602638259046726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32548770038974234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648925635412686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361820521153824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390959857479048,0.0,0.0,0.2099351183571068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768564746534797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696709853749806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881656338740584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753849271352373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949523725697573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781372590522319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003904963660571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shadowka84,2018/01/04,my girlfriend/favorite person just broke up with me. i dont know what to do. everything hurts and i cant breathe.,0.8337681159420285,3.348098173913044,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,89.0,4.8057971014492775,25.057971014492754,6.42735559955562,0.8025188405797108,90,4,19,1,3,28,20,23,0.269,0.731,0.0,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5592501395984509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288576440093744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5108299023798986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622450547507596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166542267002173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DrRobotniksMachine,2018/01/04,"Barriers for 2018 resolutions Happy New Year! Ive found there are a lot of BPD traits which can interfere with achieving resolutions and goals that I set myself. For example, I want to get my finances in order and lose weight.... that's pretty difficult when I am crazy impulsive and have an unhealthy relationship with food (binge/purge/starve repeat). BUT I'm still going to persevere and use my DBT to help ensure that I am successful and do so in a healthy and positive way. I think we play life on hard mode and if we can find the tricks and walk throughs to help us get to the end we can do it and be successful. Anyone have any resolutions they would lile to share and if so what do you think, from a BPD perspective, will be barriers to success and how are you going to overcome those challenges",7.644467741935482,6.8743359870967735,7.496572580645164,75.82485887096777,63.32258064516129,11.620967741935484,34.21370967741935,10.9516,3.5245645161290327,638,23,125,15,8,204,101,155,0.06,0.674,0.266,0.9913,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,4,2,1,8,6,10,1,0,6,0,17,3,0,2,0,31,27,18,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,16,2,3,4,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,2,16,7,18,22,1,15,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,3,6,84,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218552073402442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529367315274328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513665555644886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870897470452922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377622910230813,0.0,0.21667701505159054,0.19647236460567352,0.0,0.0,0.18723854736876586,0.0,0.20367538330167093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19075087202344732,0.1605188625714155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402142889210462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656705362032786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004675490200976,0.0,0.15234075839709518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306262353946072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230044449151447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238278317410026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310120417547414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22963517442110626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554326397190965,0.15476245249531345,0.0,0.0,0.1056907855255391,0.1422325210774777,0.0,0.21820489998761103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729129131388212,0.0,0.0,0.1153923549628718 bpd,FreneticFlare,2018/01/04,"Feeling like my emotions aren't valid Basically what the title says, if I'm feeling emotions in ways I wouldn't otherwise feel them I can't help but think they must be wrong. Does anyone else feel this? Has anyone got over this?",2.328666666666667,4.95377786666667,2.8666666666666667,90.54000000000002,81.44444444444446,5.377777777777778,22.333333333333336,6.742157984588678,0.6031333333333335,184,6,36,2,5,57,36,45,0.138,0.7659999999999999,0.096,-0.5979,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,13,2,0,3,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,5,1,2,9,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266592374364337,0.2393377158167929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441375449465435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951321530200377,0.525508375724125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4724348773762251,0.16687476003384433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868210422311036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565685929420892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411891906604647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857579366253523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967326178061416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541066641565326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25539096112651266,0.0,0.0 bpd,Derailed94,2018/01/04,"Been living in complete isolation for a year now and been out of the system for over 4 years, the heck do I even cope I also despise humans and wish everyone death. The problem is that this is a constant and not a state. I'm also somewhat worried of becoming crazy crazy, you know, proper crazy, not just pseudo crazy like us borderliners, I mean genuinely ready for the asylum crazy after having commited genocide. The fuck, dude, what kind of crap am I even talking about. I'm just so lost. I've been stuck for years now, no progess, none...okay I quit smoking, yay me, still a fucking NEET with only 1 number in my phone which is my fucking mom. Don't ever wanna work or do things. Just hook me up with something, common society, bring out the next great something like you did with sugar, games and pornography to get some of my dopamine receptors reactived again. fjdfldkjflasdjfnklasndfoklasndfkoasndöfkonawspidofnwieonfoewknfökladsnfökladsnfoisadnoikadsnkfln",8.246779846659367,9.866808650602415,7.355695509309967,69.20447426067909,61.89156626506024,8.68696604600219,30.753559693318728,8.841846274778883,2.4995253012048195,780,26,125,11,11,240,113,166,0.21,0.687,0.102,-0.9531,0,1,2,0,0,0,25.0,1,2,0,3,14,12,5,0,10,1,12,5,1,0,2,24,24,8,2,3,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,9,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,6,1,13,5,21,18,2,21,0,1,0,3,8,6,5,3,14,84,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483121543489519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146516786330498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278022203337994,0.1677737561412016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508679524271373,0.14043557660604306,0.0,0.1483512641363588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43058776258266906,0.08111348665255601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116740682180412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167251111164366,0.08532320104988089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169792508497784,0.0,0.1370915847438625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947741132603986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911645209995105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818308899901553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511373796297554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807719649670215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855652355069454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513108716880345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904328400153704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398555508969206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478679125728785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314345144842844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675070823744647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785337326045519,0.0,0.0,0.1130263145054941,0.1576673502735134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299934272369257 bpd,kaylacactus,2018/01/04,Nightmares Does anyone experience.. just nightmares. All the time. Always about the people who have hurt you the most. It drives me crazy. I wake up sweating or crying and I’m sick of it. Does lucid dreaming help? Does anything help?? ,1.8292857142857133,4.32287085714286,1.909880952380952,90.72053571428572,102.33333333333334,3.0523809523809526,19.535714285714285,5.148860815047168,-0.09719999999999997,184,6,31,1,8,55,34,42,0.244,0.652,0.104,-0.8095,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,2,0,1,5,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21718610051443535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250835440939475,0.0,0.21479380828736172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867136598426539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6852501997662048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255323590747573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34990685062889915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794228707343789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809555285711638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220044381127176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FLS101,2018/01/04,"Pretty accurate.. [ ](https://i.imgur.com/TdWpXuv.jpg) pretty much sums up my life as of late (Learnt how to add the picture this time aha)",5.866428571428571,9.362743142857145,5.000357142857143,68.5633928571429,93.76190476190477,5.90952380952381,19.535714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.2070857142857148,110,3,16,2,4,33,20,21,0.0,0.748,0.252,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43284364770387423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710270070702032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820723390819864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7807457382442763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374544871167631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gothicapples,2018/01/04,"DAE have to be doing something all the time For me it’s I have to be on the iPad and on the phone Watching YouTube ,searching the web I have to be engaged all the time I can not just sit and do absolutely nothing I go mind numbingly bored within moments Please tell me I’m not the only one ",2.166612903225804,3.530639209677421,3.7105161290322606,90.54577419354843,76.25806451612901,6.250322580645161,26.916129032258066,6.742157984588678,1.0153767741935478,229,9,51,2,5,76,41,62,0.034,0.852,0.114,0.5943,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,2,8,11,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,6,1,7,8,2,8,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,3,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114722370862562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757135618095537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570386890061935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25214367436372304,0.28299778976146084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084525771712639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28645971888249205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252306198961209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339474288174107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cinder_Quill,2018/01/04,"Arguing with people in my head? Beating myself up? (Skills needed) This is not the same thing as preparing for an argument I feel is going to come or if I want to assert myself with someone. Usually in that case I'll just tell myself I'm not a fortune teller, I can't predict how the conversation will go, and that I'm choosing to suffer and cause myself more distress be not being mindful of the current moment, then I'll try deal with the current emotions (usually anger fear or sadness) with acceptance. No, what happens is like stepping on an emotional landmine I didn't know was buried. If I'm wound up about something else or feeling particularly emotionaly vulnerable, I'll find some way to link the current events to a past trauma, usually from someone I felt has abandoned me or whom I currently have a poor relationship with that I am unhappy about. From there it's just a deep deep spiral down as my self belittling leads me to have an argument with this person in the past, all the things they said, didn't do, things I didn't say but wish I did. I end up feeling so sad sand angry at that person from all these repressed feelings I never dealt with for over 15 years, on top of the distress and vulnerability that I was already experiencing that I usually just end up in crisis, and have to deal with that (usually default to tipp and self sooth the sadness once I've calmed down). All the fear, anger, sadness, betrayal, abandonment it all just comes swirling back as I do battle with this phantom that will never know the turmoil I am truly going through in trying to cope with our broken/toxic relationship. What even is this coping mechanism? It only seems to serve to beat me further into a hole i'm already in. It almost like a PTSD flashback but purely for emotions. Has anybody experienced this and found ways to cope?",8.632660504201679,7.440674168571429,8.58855462184874,70.15679831932775,61.6,11.206722689075631,38.30252100840336,10.194018383442646,3.8825243697479,1469,62,259,26,17,479,184,350,0.226,0.71,0.063,-0.9965,4,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,1,5,11,22,4,6,20,0,24,2,1,3,7,67,47,20,0,5,15,0,6,2,0,2,1,2,0,4,24,19,0,3,13,0,1,7,10,18,0,0,9,10,26,4,53,34,7,50,0,7,0,0,16,21,0,9,22,184,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143855591834042,0.0,0.20153624791806068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021542479589099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938054268631308,0.0,0.15731918473322667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828304505850604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762817765455234,0.30815049085482266,0.1617555724700571,0.0,0.0,0.060312547115212015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055090158718125,0.18468597404664655,0.0,0.0876765032517954,0.0,0.08346004926549078,0.0,0.0,0.10012193661543943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568887149587213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074935320821214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371530258976582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036842356918103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922357232351051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220189097440884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770874798611799,0.14085516640180856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724725427676133,0.0,0.06944900054156469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434056881440818,0.0633061667925354,0.15946507722359965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674208440119884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607578767139114,0.0,0.0,0.08686126108849039,0.07261717350988046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312954084210251,0.19052244889913106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547414236174653,0.07029857437606005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981313746774378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819964352482104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399347517582646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028516143545492,0.0,0.053859819677247636,0.14496283473306504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050074837497297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588037206794289 bpd,HearTomorrow,2018/01/04,"DAE have an exceptionally good memory that you attribute to BPD? I have a near photographic memory that I have always attributed to my 'fight or flight' response being stuck in the on position for since adolescence. I noticed while taking Abilify that as my anger and rage subsided so did the ability to form new long-term memories. Does anyone else have this superpower?",8.505923076923079,9.606673400000004,8.901346153846152,60.18740384615384,61.153846153846146,13.884615384615385,36.25,13.023866798666859,5.694153846153848,301,13,46,12,4,100,53,65,0.17,0.75,0.08,-0.7582,1,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,4,0,6,0,0,2,0,5,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,9,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599454563448972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184403944881044,0.32009518830200345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934623591729421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733871634614093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609737585719109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26202995789805483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27646803060889297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017220806594127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35567443806535465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584241175075726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23488920189726026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ManyGothic,2018/01/04,"Click this post for resources for pwBPD and their families/loved ones Hi there, I used to go on the discord chat a couple of months ago and someone posted this google drive folder full of resources. I’ve had it saved on my home screen since then and figured I would post it here since I haven’t seen it posted in the sub before. [here y’all go](https://drive.google.com/drive/mobile/folders/0BxbhXNkT67stRnFiUXhNYW1iRVE?pli=1) I hope this helps someone! There’s a ton of books here. Thank you to the person who made this folder!",6.040851063829787,8.640871968085111,4.4329255319148935,84.20875000000002,68.68085106382978,5.976595744680853,21.324468085106385,6.6274283507984215,0.2703446808510641,431,9,77,3,8,123,65,94,0.03,0.838,0.132,0.8436,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,9,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,3,8,3,10,5,2,13,0,0,3,0,8,4,0,1,3,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767857717880648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136152085140803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19681920129153355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021849265316475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922822377954803,0.0,0.17842666089607692,0.1766735082156213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831295844092253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198093920182114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053509004081515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531666431761548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6814338156512636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942859030917857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014317889091637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376664432621238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362993102252742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635979844602388,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dont_mind_the_lurker,2018/01/04,"Im tired of having so many different personalities When I’m with him I’m goth, i’m a dreamer, i’m painfully shy and pretentious, and we can talk about mysticism long into the night. When I’m with her I like to talk about supermodels and glamorous parties, I like to kiss posh boys and my only plans for this year are getting thin and bronzed. When I’m with them i’m funny and sarcastic, unafraid of being the center of attention, i say stupid shit all the time and everyone can count on me when they need a laugh. And when i’m alone i’m nothingness and dissociation and obsessive thoughts and staring at walls. I’m tired of having no idea who I really am and only feeling alive when I’m around people, and yet feeling so exhausted when I have to be social. I’m tired of my biggest fear being different friends meeting each other and realizing i’m a fake . I’m tired of crying in job interviews because I have no real opinions. Sorry for the rant.",4.184920634920633,5.558059952380956,5.595634920634922,78.98964285714288,71.16931216931219,8.786243386243386,29.9021164021164,9.23628265651192,2.6389195767195766,757,31,145,16,14,255,106,189,0.236,0.629,0.135,-0.962,3,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,2,1,13,13,2,2,7,0,11,8,1,0,1,31,30,23,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,6,1,0,2,3,21,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,5,14,6,21,26,2,21,0,0,1,1,15,9,1,1,14,85,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396762090429401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005564286839908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221053475378085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481394145309185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818038681161236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886628134167633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175708012706052,0.13638041154955186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419393423860793,0.0,0.07045975275252649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522426182762969,0.1456739452581232,0.0,0.13382958105442394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177337993548094,0.0,0.0,0.11934849736735527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672875304639118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999835627495318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655871464499374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051370348929996,0.14350252164361274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349622921131964,0.11775616947523397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350231542543666,0.08639595732055216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724755964783056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843375561563706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747467709733308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096680479735175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21679370032338688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706524824863033,0.07863903188261523,0.6200154510176984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684661267108303 bpd,anobody11994,2018/01/04,"DAE try pleasing all and see themselves as a chameleon? If people find certain things to be annoying, I won't do them at all just to stop them from being annoyed if I do them, so I'm very limited to the things I actually do and is a reason why I'm mainly mute in social situations. I don't act out things I want to do in my head (surprise hugs, saying random things out of the blue, etc). I have gotten a bit better though. I'm starting to do just do what I want and if somebody finds what I do annoying then that's their problem and not mine, but I still act like a different person depending on who I'm with. I'm like a chameleon honestly. I adapt and act accordingly depending on the person's behaviour and personality. If they're bubbly, I will act bubbly and cute, and if they're quiet and type formally without emoticons and such, I will do the same.",6.459365079365077,5.356989742857142,7.501904761904763,75.91031746031747,65.85714285714286,10.74920634920635,33.73015873015873,9.994966539143718,3.0877682539682536,675,25,138,13,9,230,97,175,0.064,0.7879999999999999,0.14800000000000002,0.9315,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,2,6,12,3,0,9,0,16,2,1,3,3,38,26,20,0,8,10,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,0,3,8,13,0,2,3,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,1,4,18,8,17,20,6,15,0,0,2,1,10,7,0,8,6,97,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.15657763883396744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190642177174925,0.1751716159458659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763779587360778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894597335703055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932997535864699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16466965571409636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567771167576504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123695279456296,0.4203005054539443,0.0,0.1761276995730833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353053395272998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649709918462202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759757083800605,0.0,0.0,0.12785916996151253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035434715433216,0.0,0.1635602237194009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356848475229993,0.0,0.12813687356415687,0.134144741556721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263877154933776,0.0,0.15764290515239154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893611984254237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238939300661154,0.18927704906208626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447826332989829,0.0,0.0,0.15466963905075526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gia8314,2018/01/04,"Does anyone want these BPD-related books? I have the books ""Stronger than BPD"" by Debbie Corso and ""DBT Made Simple"" by Sheri Van Dijk and was wondering if anyone here would be interested in them? I'm willing to give them away for free if you pay the cost of shipping. (I hope this type of thing is allowed here - if not, sorry!) I just want to find them a new home where they might be more used/appreciated.",3.841166666666666,5.205561450000005,4.507500000000004,86.4941666666667,72.0,7.333333333333335,23.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.9210833333333328,316,8,66,4,6,101,62,80,0.017,0.8059999999999999,0.177,0.9072,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,4,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,2,0,16,15,5,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,4,10,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,6,1,43,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021756813842684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301384372262865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5442892408282123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909266437248284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749278785691204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072831872010174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167453998601126,0.21461574178753065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044596883431246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292262485485181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869096928155895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418833578989373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355364709827628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25489862599274504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23432904724414524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349670785117994,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fischbrot,2018/01/04,"i want to quit DBT reason : I am male , but there are only females in the group its tediously slow! we meet, make a (silly) relaxing exercise , either mental, or bit physical (like mikado, or throw 2 balls) talk about homework, which is from that book which is written so poorly OMG then we have a useless BREAK because several people smoke ... then the actual therapy begins... we keep repeating Mindfulness every 2 months or so ... so we fucking never progress ... its 2 steps forward and 1 step back then half an hour before its over we play a fucking stupid game again , either mental or bit physical. its annoyingly slow takes 2 hours to go over 3 pages in the book with traveling this keeps my busy for 3 hours ... its half a day ruined. this seems so inefficient... regarding the content : 51% is uselfull .... 49 % I cannot relate and dislike their presentation time allocation 33% uselfull .... 66% not so 50% of 1/3rd of the time spent I find useful I think I just answered my question... I should quit after the next few sessions any thoughts from anybody?",3.9731995346131512,6.500282518324614,4.672940663176266,80.45948662012799,74.60209424083769,7.595229784758581,27.888598022105874,8.515128840125781,2.347031180919139,815,33,141,16,18,261,132,191,0.083,0.8420000000000001,0.076,-0.5301,0,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,5,0,1,3,10,10,4,0,11,0,8,3,0,3,1,32,23,15,0,2,9,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,10,8,0,2,7,8,2,6,3,6,0,2,3,0,15,4,14,19,6,31,0,2,0,2,12,5,2,6,22,84,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.13855514941981678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655346400474163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917633840268792,0.0,0.08655165808473038,0.0,0.12081726965981401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100178237740158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915674362251372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196269934652215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297700983537659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625224132118365,0.0,0.0,0.08069234060453254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194746383721577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524024339616964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936583346041604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477490735742036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861713984764271,0.0,0.14336258563771986,0.0,0.1133296581694628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950621859479724,0.0,0.15100077398093187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798464307372577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843329309492853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905370999926546,0.3020332805546847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459824058876392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925619845809955,0.0,0.16040063397408205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675371759374784,0.11412074061743245,0.0,0.0,0.16237019543529174,0.0,0.0,0.09097711961451913,0.0,0.11271882352943892,0.16558312435269254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262792220744692,0.0,0.0,0.08374538666516831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RoseLilyLeo,2018/01/04,Difference between love and just having the need for a relationship? How the fuck do do I tell them apart,3.5875000000000017,6.229834750000002,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,76.5,8.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,2.0615,85,3,16,2,2,27,18,20,0.14800000000000002,0.675,0.177,0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569734148080177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043546611684932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947563329187313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243148552050664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469586963127011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822930845896068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,luxklepto,2018/01/04,"How to tell my therapist that ADHD medication is making me emotionally volatile and slightly paranoid? Prior to ADHD medication, I was unmotivated and depressed. I kind of just focused on my eating disorder and shoplifting and self harm to cope with problems. After being on medication, I stopped most impulsive behaviors like shoplifting and being impulsively rude. I wish everything were ok, but I think stimulants make me seriously overreact to when things don't go my way. It sounds really childish, but if I don't get my way, I'll become angry and resentful and also cry uncontrollably and my mind will wander to ways I can self harm to get back at them because I know there's nothing I can actually do to harm them. But then after 1 hour of being not in control of my emotions, I'll get distracted by something, and then all is well, and I'm wonder why I was so upset to begin with? And I'll feel regretful because I was mean to my mom or to my friends. And the things I say, I know, are dramatic, but in the moment, I believe it. And after the moment, I'm just thinking, wtf? I also know I'm more paranoid than usual in that when things go wrong, there's always someone to blame. In my mind, someone doesn't like me and is making things up about me to cause problems, and that's why I have these problems. Lol you know, because it's never my fault. I'll logically know that it is my fault and that these people aren't looking to cause problems for me, but I won't believe it. I'm off topic. The thing is that the quality of life has really improved since being on ADHD medication, except for being really not in control of my emotions when things don't go my way or people tell me what to do. But then, I don't want to be off this medication either because this is still a lot better than how things use to be. 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So in the first week of 2016, I was warded for the first time. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and borderline personality disorder. After 5 admissions each to the child and adult ward, drugs/addiction/withdrawal, sitting on high window ledges, suicide pacts and a lot of cutting, I’m finally the closest I’ve ever been to actual recovery. I haven’t cut in a long time, I’m back in school and coping rather well, and I’ve managed to stay out of the ward for more than just a couple months. Given, I’m not exactly super happy or enthusiastic about life, and I do have a a lot of downs and anxieties, but I’m coping better. I’m not breaking down. Suicide still crosses my mind from time to time, but I don’t act on it. I know that sooner or later, I will be taken off my meds. I would be completely discharged from the hospital. But I’m so scared. I can’t remember what life was like without mental illness. I’m terrified of the idea of life without professional psychiatric help. My meds help me sleep. And I can sleep through anything. But without them, I’m terrified of being alone with my thoughts and staying awake all night. I’m terrified of being truly alone. I want a healthy happy life. I want my parents to stop worrying about the side effects of my meds. I want my Mom to stop being ashamed/burdened that I have appointments at the hospital. But I’m so scared. Really really scared. Help.",2.9986517452704504,5.394929374100722,4.555051958433253,80.7439714894751,77.20143884892086,8.291180389022117,27.562483346656013,9.049649993220411,2.634346496136424,1138,48,210,29,27,380,144,278,0.231,0.6509999999999999,0.117,-0.9885,1,2,1,0,0,2,39.0,0,0,1,5,11,12,2,3,15,0,19,8,2,1,3,44,36,19,2,5,14,2,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,3,4,13,0,2,5,0,0,2,8,6,1,2,7,0,24,6,40,22,6,37,0,1,0,0,9,13,0,4,19,136,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.09154924420255983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432668681801216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176769861541381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720119250355206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213742186719085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297114298976778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983625304454126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380376156588393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808021370201199,0.09521956081549836,0.0,0.0,0.2150386786103413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486042411650196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027690028064338,0.0,0.1595968266603591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973417788048112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864528509295053,0.0991199806674236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590494904195527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155789724410112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650553167432287,0.04583293838859997,0.0,0.0,0.08302272172556027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951516139015393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126196843847243,0.0,0.0945427699822444,0.0,0.09472572053089537,0.10987419865360253,0.07488169580556106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803838489540877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416970104955388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191504631782955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019971228895468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627333743457933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28177350342331176,0.09494510113664713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776414472048586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998716711727368,0.07492023775959945,0.15686594579814753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052352805052533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744780915377941,0.21881553952579946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600235112338774,0.0,0.07525218933691223,0.0,0.08435034102798097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713009723794783,0.0,0.0,0.09527299660732606,0.0,0.06664300181756933,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moonjunkie,2018/01/04,Is there a DBT skill to address the need to immediately blurt out all of my [negative] thoughts/feelings? Please help me. I really need to stop.,2.7822222222222237,5.5199857407407436,4.0903703703703735,81.7666666666667,80.48148148148148,8.044444444444443,27.51851851851852,8.841846274778883,2.5172074074074082,113,5,22,3,3,37,24,27,0.087,0.738,0.17600000000000002,0.3687,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134078233095053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934162273769684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6491757623613064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805207151461636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28043541687970913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659806339501175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,avirosa,2018/01/04,"Don't want to be sober, don't want to be drunk I wish I could stay at the in-between forever, The midway. Not sober where everything feels empty, Not drunk where everything feels fucked up. Just the in-between. Tipsy. Enough alcohol to feel emotions, Enough to feel comfortable socialising. Enough to comprehend and understand other people's feelings without overreacting. The equilibrium between being sober and drunk.",5.956714285714284,9.545064600000003,5.522500000000001,71.05375000000002,74.42857142857143,9.214285714285714,31.607142857142854,9.516144504307137,4.074571428571431,342,16,48,10,8,105,43,70,0.209,0.7120000000000001,0.079,-0.7809999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,6,5,0,0,0,16,16,2,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,6,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,2,1,9,12,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,32,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968481523554388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470645062190513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071942826640901,0.0,0.5709671925581782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310846981067509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656719571242916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028506256140424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769743556539268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963270774627547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175321300357898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728565165976765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118148526344868,0.17755714958394425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,longduckdongger,2018/01/04,"How to find the reason behind an episode I have frequently been having episodes that are effecting my ability to have a healthy relationship with my daughter and with my girlfriend. Every time I think I’ve figured out the cause it’s never feels like I’m hitting the bullseye so to speak, and in return causes me to spiral even harder and more frequently. Any tips on how to rationalize things?",8.341575342465756,8.352664493150687,7.853527397260276,71.26193493150687,61.6027397260274,10.587671232876714,37.42808219178082,10.125756701596842,3.8800986301369855,320,14,53,6,4,101,56,73,0.03,0.9,0.07,0.4386,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,6,1,17,9,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,11,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990957148429976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6015171445046429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337383950865614,0.0,0.24667392334372634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803485183843462,0.20915712670817005,0.0,0.0,0.2675892653185423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303412457375575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258046264379912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010194585382543,0.0,0.31432869038238465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450540638808755,0.18759714993881596,0.0,0.0,0.17071832092589306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cringecreator,2018/01/04,"What do you guys think of this? ""I Will"" by Orlando Rogers I Will: 1. Have a plan, know where I’m going and how I’m going to get there. I will have waypoints, goals and targets along the way. 2. Act today as tomorrow never comes. I will be ruthless in my quest to complete even the most menial of tasks. 3. Be positive. I will not entertain negative thoughts or people. My positive attitude will be contagious, whereas negative attitude is cancerous. 4. Spend so much time bettering myself that I do not have time, nor the will to find fault with others. 5. Learn as much as I can from everyone I meet and everything I do. My brain capacity is endless so I will bless it with endless amounts of knowledge and information. 6. Have an unrelenting pursuit for excellence in everything I do. I will not wallow in mediocrity. 7. Utilise all my spare time constructively, not fooling myself by completing the tasks that are simple over those that are important. 8. Carry a note pad! My brain is my supercomputer and my notepad is my screen. Writing something down gives you a 90% chance of completing it. 9. Expose myself to hardships in order to appreciate the simple pleasures of everyday life. 10. Always take the hard route, and take the choice that I am afraid of taking, for it will make me stronger. 11. Predict the future accurately…by inventing it. 12. Be enthusiastic and constantly aspiring. The world will step aside for me as I know where I am going. 13. Be successful. I am the master of my own destiny, the captain of my soul. I know where I want to go and my future is in my hands, and my hands only. 14. Make time to help others who are on a quest for knowledge. I am that man who asks for advice, and thus I shall also give it if I can. 15. Expose myself regularly to danger, and avoid rules and regulations. If I adhere to rules and wrap myself in cotton wool, I will be a pathetic mess when the rules and regulations are not there to protect me. I have been blessed with the ability to make contemplated decisions – which I will live with making. I have judgement, which I will use in anger.",2.0480451127819563,4.792424882205517,3.703508771929824,83.01360902255641,84.63909774436091,7.166917293233082,24.684210526315788,8.225684150193146,2.0154330827067666,1644,66,306,39,49,545,202,399,0.07,0.802,0.128,0.975,0,1,1,0,0,0,63.0,0,2,0,7,11,14,2,2,19,0,47,6,4,7,2,52,72,27,0,3,8,0,3,0,0,15,2,0,0,2,19,20,0,2,11,1,1,7,9,7,0,0,2,4,50,7,46,49,6,35,3,0,1,0,14,14,0,4,12,223,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918149799852185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753431202418708,0.1014835533074314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401957830741576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786696500545156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723036087106005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050609122022048,0.38362979876189396,0.13179941130026204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055586135801182,0.0,0.0,0.11654152430351453,0.2192261853212817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147259532449742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372098971379671,0.2339973534747219,0.2772590833821938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076321977890092,0.0,0.0,0.10925550250759704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174968481943241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010841491650887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614655513175408,0.0,0.0,0.1076961652348904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256468178353311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931467843405682,0.0,0.09406590998842024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092758875667974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845542600862966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389360061822802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751045297416513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814940242189762,0.0,0.09682553962852836,0.28447201393367805,0.0,0.1156073092146243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533746156568273,0.0,0.0,0.07193733931349032,0.09680909342556887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GodlessPlonk,2018/01/04,"Relationship help!! Please can someone help me - I am feeling particularly depressed at the moment and very erratic - my boyfriend is really worn i Out by me and I feel like he is very close to giving up - he gets upset that he has to walk on eggshells constantly because I think he will leave me , he feels emotionally blackmailed and overwhelmed - do any of you guys have any tips or tricks (CBT etc) when it comes to adapting your thought processes and behaviours to be more rational, less “attention seeking” and less imposing on your partner - I want to save my relationship as it’s going so well and is the best I’ve ever had :(",6.974835164835168,7.456074957264956,7.065323565323562,74.17769230769231,64.38461538461539,10.788278388278387,36.372405372405375,10.608840637214634,3.910568742368744,498,23,91,12,7,160,85,117,0.113,0.684,0.203,0.9041,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,1,4,8,1,2,2,0,11,0,0,0,1,19,22,10,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,3,3,13,4,13,17,5,13,0,2,0,0,15,6,0,1,5,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498552514759231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198658960260824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279003637931405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824803113100488,0.0,0.19852290357378294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822728697793725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664658521048612,0.0,0.0,0.2048827942557672,0.0,0.1661742520053376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27866459980663394,0.1312409122739322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597976024156132,0.17622929261251666,0.10440539478177714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818996367199908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462709755147907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194520069344029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975036753853867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165603370340296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768794163373535,0.0,0.0,0.3944669228241328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565505035763613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177125612951831,0.0,0.14584349867362134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031564025741048,0.10835563933856623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517540387821558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,krxler17,2018/01/04,"Feeling like people at work hate me First time ever posting anything. So I'm really not used to talking or posting at all. I've been having reoccurring issues at work and was wondering of other people felt the same, also needed to talk about it somewhere. So I work at a place that handles mail and I'm typically working in one specific zone in my department. But every now and then I'll be asked to go out and deliver some of the mail to various offices in the area. Easy enough job: read the addresses on the letters, drop off the letters at the correct office. There's usually one route I go on and at this point I have it memorized and could probably walk it blindfolded. However the second I walk into one of the office buildings I lose composure. I'm not sure if this is just anxiety or part of BPD but delivering mail absolutely scares me. I believe I'll mess up somewhere, deliver the wrong mail to the wrong place, forget to grab something, miss an office, or just do something wrong. I'll walk in, sometimes small talk, but feel like the people in the office just hate me. Like soon after they're gonna call my boss and complain that I've messed up everything. And every time I walk out of an office I always have to stop for a few seconds. I get this feeling like they're going to walk out with mail in hand angrily telling me that I've messed up or done something wrong. It'll get so bad that most times I completely blank out and lose focus. I feel like I'm in some weird alternate universe or I'm not there, like I just don't exist with everyone or I exist somewhere else. I've been having this feeling for months and months and I've tried talking to a counselor about it before and didn't really get much help or response. I just wanted to know if anyone else feels this sort of thing, ",5.1881082717694085,5.7902792701949855,5.945859270921643,80.23451374591254,68.27576601671309,9.028993581203826,30.093375317912074,9.085049710711278,2.437837979895846,1434,52,277,25,23,470,170,359,0.177,0.738,0.085,-0.9889,2,0,3,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,7,16,23,2,1,18,0,15,1,1,2,4,65,43,29,0,5,20,0,9,6,0,2,0,0,1,0,16,19,0,1,10,1,0,9,5,16,0,6,6,9,20,7,47,33,10,54,0,3,0,0,16,29,0,14,19,173,36,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571111968974949,0.06837181479551509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285963413026731,0.0,0.0,0.057455000005785274,0.0841926196335677,0.06761870324418284,0.0,0.07681762450198418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860830933242111,0.0,0.0,0.06992040548314234,0.092577170381859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348992411194696,0.0,0.08390450226424695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615341992585453,0.0,0.0,0.06560585946296824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408818336413358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728456529660304,0.0,0.0,0.08490331749874623,0.0,0.0,0.07432724352341095,0.13846311729058458,0.07851671779296503,0.07384887330317957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492849682935988,0.2348083443518276,0.07889584629997258,0.0,0.0,0.06989354769463943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879090942254967,0.0,0.14009688822646996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622512336835734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507665161401742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576387102271404,0.08154079824915864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045158345882837764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086393688012495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838538649284908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117422161230047,0.0,0.06040422110009475,0.0609278287357674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704104827688382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898183227508036,0.0,0.1708984763258801,0.0,0.1716998004091843,0.0,0.0776769737171938,0.0,0.1573918140893799,0.0,0.08859288863639704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219198667889048,0.0,0.1052800923370325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226625475669956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977486487409329,0.0812679841983944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869759063342817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744401729171352,0.0,0.0,0.2641797312743435,0.07181998360826222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545899309770952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374152671019322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578786674222861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096828183952793,0.09049837118589056,0.0,0.04846584771745392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910958915748765,0.2392822276472071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35935889125698905,0.0,0.0 bpd,dumbannoyingloser,2018/01/05,Apps for BPD? Can anyone recommend an app to help with symptoms? I've tried a few different ones but they either don't help or they have too much stuff you have to pay for. (I have a Galaxy if that makes a difference) ,0.11333333333333327,2.46699577777778,1.7572222222222216,95.8225,91.22222222222223,5.666666666666668,16.38888888888889,7.1686216300943375,0.0605555555555557,170,4,38,3,6,55,36,45,0.035,0.7979999999999999,0.166,0.7105,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,5,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974902410078737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557262214375945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5901842304481636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37863027412979744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853244538316935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762760737532712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913902293336113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233288888110775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935657212913456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917597989231309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Attackonspacelegolas,2018/01/05,"I need help understanding why I do this I split black on anyone that has gotten too close to me. What I mean by too close is we may have had an intimate moment like sex or they had simply found out about my childhood. One of the craziest things I do is split black when someone expresses they have discovered my favorite food or something from being near me. They reveal little things about my habits and likes and then BOOM I split black and go no contact because they got too close. I have taken down all of my social media because one person got too close to me. I have completely shut everyone out for a while and I am really trying to stop this feeling in my chest. It feels like my heart is dropping and I know that that is when I go into my closed off mode. I haven't done this in a long time an I wish I could just stop this. ",5.272764705882351,5.1826625117647085,5.547058823529415,85.57176470588237,68.0,8.682352941176473,26.411764705882355,8.238735603445708,1.4057529411764698,657,16,140,8,10,209,101,170,0.05,0.8440000000000001,0.106,0.8590000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,4,0,9,3,0,0,5,0,19,4,2,0,1,31,33,11,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,11,14,1,2,7,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,8,6,29,3,19,22,1,29,0,0,3,1,10,16,0,3,13,103,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737145366839967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046515147638608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759977745049764,0.0,0.0,0.13402236695775752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177882371925002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039720309292252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974988601719873,0.11991905276855412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297669940709276,0.18404957296864785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907971505108852,0.0,0.2685055836729808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989146349012328,0.11251286506786733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922513393263486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460234131500069,0.16823958723932605,0.0,0.1485506136419859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284849860731456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446589203474448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274922479224555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656867594933282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753526654509273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111189578016914,0.14222703785058086,0.1292266513372994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806765668906172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22303714398378205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978803814045292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396576478870447,0.0,0.0,0.17474793979327646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146733292769035,0.0,0.19303045062823626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MarziNam,2018/01/05,"BPD Dealing with new people advice? I'm trying to get back on the dating scene but am finding it quite triggering. Having people you speak to for a while ghost on you, meeting people who then say you're too 'full on' wanting to spend time with them, dealing with it constantly bringing up doubt and insecurities within myself and having my head feel like its running amok making assumptions of whats going on and reasoning behind things. How do you make sure you aren't getting too 'full on' when meeting people? How do you rationalise things so you're not making lots of negative assumptions?",7.053787680209697,8.138073697247705,6.829646133682831,73.83183486238534,64.3211009174312,9.164351245085193,31.16775884665793,9.23628265651192,2.861570380078637,479,17,77,8,7,151,77,109,0.131,0.8170000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.8831,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,1,1,7,4,0,2,2,0,6,1,1,7,1,21,16,10,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,3,8,2,17,16,3,20,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,2,9,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705230363694259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418260558774162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197813533761851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857655075708354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598113896965695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823433485280034,0.12466550765329165,0.0,0.0,0.1594932581477481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823420049074452,0.0,0.09917449762194193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909118290592888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525371347547246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835684054169734,0.0,0.0,0.34944780708753986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853680075063318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839156885933512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856062089642456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941890961502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877237915027335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446771100971938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186506346028854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175453487482186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847658561730295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292682785566416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BitwiseAnomaly,2018/01/05,"Been in DBT for a couple of months now and it's helped I've spent every day of my life feeling like I was the most broken person I'd ever meet and things changed a lot when I saw that same look on the faces of 5 other people in group therapy. Things changed a lot when I learned to start tracking and questioning my thoughts so I could put a stop to the rote self-destruction that was taking place inside my mind every moment of every day. Things changed a lot when I started practicing radical acceptance, by learning to stop judging other people I've gradually made it easier to stop judging myself. Things changed a lot when I learned that my abusers aren't monsters, they're just struggling broken people like I am, and that doesn't mean I have to forgive them. Things changed a lot when I learned the difference between accountability and blame. I'm not better but I'm getting better. I'm not happy, I'm at peace. I want everyone struggling with this to know that there is hope. ""It gets better"" isn't just a thing people say, it's something that can happen when we learn how to make it happen.",7.598876262626263,6.674606421296296,7.255218855218858,78.02075757575759,63.49074074074074,9.891582491582493,34.91414141414141,8.841846274778883,2.8318111111111115,881,33,168,11,11,278,118,216,0.152,0.753,0.095,-0.8766,0,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,1,3,13,11,0,2,12,0,11,2,1,3,1,42,33,14,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,20,7,0,3,12,0,2,1,5,2,0,0,7,4,17,9,19,25,7,23,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,8,19,107,37,5,0.0,0.10515511156849387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354784457796644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694325628919973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086024235503488,0.09820100321960393,0.0,0.11447376732629015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272563128430246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028012334208519,0.2243289729475149,0.08480513321941716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04487503965181242,0.0634035447593929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927371948126935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696396852146433,0.0944768106146956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948774870750734,0.0,0.0,0.08814950795071265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877508441782708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268727072177101,0.08671825495275802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452826723914394,0.0,0.0,0.37726351725963003,0.0,0.08397809393238855,0.059241806587928124,0.0,0.0,0.09667557154584787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961294510439974,0.0,0.07083999211554666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461143470961581,0.07749372090033167,0.09272563128430246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921900452541989,0.09942113780532387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057814882759578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258637525716484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832465386450629,0.0,0.0,0.12563645790950895,0.0,0.0,0.22259877218312046,0.0,0.1855630818291048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672950959878678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149420328468957,0.0,0.3537722792609761,0.0,0.0,0.07045817219495283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052347484558746125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,green_herbzy,2018/01/05,"I feel completely numb and zoned out For the last few days this has been going on, I fell out with my dad, he is narcissistic and everything is about him. Normally we would be yelling at each other or I'd end up doing something stupid. I just feel empty, I got no fight in me, I don't care or feel anything. I am constantly zoning out and I am trying to stop myself from going out getting a drink or getting stoned. I feel like a fucking bitch Edit: word",4.299032258064514,4.734931752688176,5.427043010752692,83.76056451612907,70.18279569892474,8.350537634408601,27.32795698924731,8.344100000000001,1.6890731182795695,355,11,74,5,6,118,70,93,0.225,0.7490000000000001,0.026,-0.9525,0,0,2,0,2,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,0,22,21,6,0,2,4,1,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,10,1,1,4,1,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,5,13,2,13,17,2,16,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,3,6,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861102326767096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305849731758388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371242313002275,0.24439838243479145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458543513453474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215504889947391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003104413895644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325783154603724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574127297728001,0.16156859531874812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090810765875536,0.23631830612228136,0.0,0.25706363490345274,0.0,0.1808806398471653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843504096066404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104902469915496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215885706550316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741088513650109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189079706704026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354764823631314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16065742215020246,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unfilteredOC,2018/01/05,"Anyone Ever Take STD for BPD Hello. Newly diagnosed here and amongst trying to handle this condition amongst other stresses, I’m thinking about applying for STD from Work. Has anyone else done this? I was committed about three weeks ago, released, seeing a therapist and have an appointment with a psychiatrist in about a week. This condition is so hard to deal with on a daily basis, that it’s starting to interfere with my activities of daily living. I don’t want to go back to the hospital, but I’m feeling like I did before I was admitted and don’t want to have a relapse. Anybody else take short term disability? Thinking it might help until I get myself back on track.",5.7930952380952405,7.331845769841273,6.633492063492067,72.43928571428572,67.49206349206351,9.726984126984126,32.253968253968246,9.994966539143718,3.5200063492063496,541,23,89,13,9,179,85,126,0.029,0.8490000000000001,0.122,0.8491,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,1,7,0,11,3,0,0,2,17,25,6,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,3,7,1,20,20,1,14,0,0,1,2,4,4,0,1,10,62,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551814475659336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244814127255656,0.17937118349041736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692229585809332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896443341740032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220483817323725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048070843631972,0.0,0.17768372651798958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914868349779026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924828216462953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835313943669155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851634894643078,0.1250639628601731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146240270811627,0.0,0.09949147860337916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568207087383616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734002606989642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855262009235223,0.0,0.1545825022347487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571257529863908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950134160136587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239094230890836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20053234440236314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632489064076784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20325988181902516,0.0,0.22434466720665605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885525982576198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065116040285315,0.0,0.2808475341726959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744684910656529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mirabelle_Lisette,2018/01/05,"Drugs and BPD I'm struggling to even see a point in trying to be sober. I've been drinking and smoking weed since I was 15. I'm super into psychedelics, I don't know how to see drugs as negative rather than positive. Drinking I could quit, it'd be hard but I could. Although when it comes to drugs (marijuana, ketamine, lsd) I don't think I'll ever be able to not do them. I have a hippie mindset when it comes to psychedelics, although I'm starting to believe that sobriety could possibly help with symptoms. I just do not see a point in even trying to quit doing drugs because I love them so much. LSD completely re-wires my brain when I do it. I feel brand new, I feel like everything is going to be alright. I see everything from the most wild and creative perspective. There is no other feeling like watching phish play 3 sets on some good acid. I don't know. I smoke marijuana almost every night, it helps me to reflect on my day and see things from a much more calm and realistic perspective. Ketamine I only do rarely because it's hard to find where I am, but when I do it it's so damn psychedelic and amazing. It also helps with my depression. So what I'm saying is, why should I even try to be sober? I only have one life, this is it. Why not indulge in the psychedelics? Marijuana is the only drug I do often, and it doesn't affect my life poorly. I have a good job and I'm doing okay, so I do not see the point in not having fun every now and then. The only reason I am questioning my substance use is because I have recently started DBT and I've been told to cool it. But I truly do not believe I need to. I'm not addicted, so what is the issue? ",1.970762463343107,3.856325665689152,3.68357771260997,88.24536656891499,78.26686217008799,6.511436950146628,24.489736070381237,7.4822170145007005,1.1268979472140763,1296,46,272,18,31,433,158,341,0.07,0.746,0.184,0.9919,1,0,8,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,2,3,21,16,1,1,11,3,41,13,1,4,1,50,68,28,0,6,12,0,5,2,0,1,9,1,0,0,18,15,2,0,10,3,1,3,13,3,0,1,4,15,34,13,27,54,5,28,0,1,7,1,9,11,1,5,15,182,52,1,0.07748150378458349,0.0,0.0,0.0844662758246992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758653386022726,0.0,0.0,0.061961930583235125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169601664929352,0.0,0.0,0.1745902438392903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758524164805894,0.08649498289538622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334869096584194,0.08123788257083729,0.0,0.0,0.1855880281339373,0.0,0.0,0.04996916005617689,0.0,0.0667347056749021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518047523846537,0.4492697282035425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535274075127546,0.07008645607296239,0.13056301737673606,0.0,0.13927075913075745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753092911656353,0.11070560357048588,0.0,0.0,0.07081669076331537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044034524162734213,0.1299756185789211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881641694531907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580265624040754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087055962444514,0.07688843691403563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516361632725611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945495504668937,0.07570709801443817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993008224546443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391564083551307,0.05745155329169905,0.0,0.07483211917296083,0.0,0.07271114256082001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250347220151266,0.2357127003138195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197351959350956,0.0873487537072489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679701671389814,0.16482223332344484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966389041678437,0.07650363754901142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161640168934762,0.0,0.0,0.3704563617132057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409350060237501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968361434767916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100049079372326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053294957011872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147526826078444,0.04964701905916055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740368972630682,0.0,0.15781456515074269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669191420525779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983001137721432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hoarderline,2018/01/05,"is there a word for this? if not, i think we should coin one. it is talked about on many bpd communities, especially this one: after many rounds of abandonment and failed romantic/platonic relationships, you decide to talk a long break from making friends and socializing in general. i think it's the closest thing many of us will get to ""recovery"" sadly, and for some it works and for some it makes us feel terribly empty.",8.60923076923077,8.010488512820514,8.353461538461541,69.90403846153849,61.30769230769231,12.928205128205128,34.884615384615394,12.161744961471696,4.262323076923076,336,12,62,10,4,108,58,78,0.177,0.7859999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,3,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,0,19,10,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,2,6,1,12,8,2,6,0,3,1,0,9,3,0,3,2,43,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317211360625653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302772959460327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421454156006167,0.0,0.09612393380970373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281985975058502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24562120977357085,0.5595920406026418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24934434798329624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752973066526405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754829878878052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957583937803239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222306512652012,0.23577876048098806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442619679127452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394238643467946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tnmfne,2018/01/05,"Anyone feel like your trust issues have already doomed a relationship? Found out for probably the fifth time that my boyfriend who I live with had been chatting up random girls ""for fun"". Had a good Convo and he finally opened up to me about things in the first time in forever. I do self destructive things all the time and it sounded familiar so I let it slide somewhat. I said if there's a next time I'm gone for good, which I actually mean, and I'm very proud of myself for coming to a point where I'm not so dependant on people. (Yay meds) But I feel this heavy weight now, constantly. He's my best friend but now he doesn't even feel like it. Like I don't know him anymore. I don't get excited by him anymore. I don't get happy when he does something nice. Because I feel as if all of it is fake. All of it means nothing and every action is for a selfish gain. I don't trust absolutely anything he does. But instead of going insane because of it, as I usually would, I find myself just numbing myself to him if that makes sense. I think I'm finally realizing that he can't give me what I want, and that is a trustful partner who I feel secure with. And if that's it, then good. I'm glad I'm realizing it. It's just a strange feeling to not run after him for being what I think is ""distant"" anymore. It's strange to think ""well that's just how he is"" without being so incredibly pained and feeling like I can change him. I've stopped with all the typical borderline personality things, I'm not begging or chasing anymore. Which is good. It's great. Cause I've worked so hard to get here. I.. just don't know how to deal with it? I don't know if this makes any sense at all. Basically I'm just saying my route to healing is very confusing to me because it's so new to not feel certain feelings anymore. Or to feel the same fears I've had before (trust issues) in a different way. It feels unnatural. Like my brain is saying but wait.. you're SUPPOSED to depend on people. What are you doing just sitting there and not begging for him to change? What are you doing not caring enough to constantly be looking over his shoulder? Etc etc. ",2.46237386569873,4.295916317241382,3.9025196612220228,87.47247277676955,76.63218390804597,6.785843920145192,25.700241984271024,7.669130373188453,1.3241494252873562,1678,62,350,24,38,554,194,435,0.112,0.73,0.158,0.967,1,0,1,0,0,0,54.0,0,3,0,5,24,35,1,2,13,1,32,6,2,7,6,83,74,30,0,7,24,0,13,5,2,1,3,4,0,4,33,15,1,3,23,1,0,6,15,8,1,1,7,18,40,27,46,62,11,39,1,1,1,0,31,13,0,12,23,225,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.07200145017102164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142124574703181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501748903341923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658639677521201,0.05159070709595192,0.0,0.06071702572321758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493208133155915,0.0,0.06278379878074608,0.0,0.07743058331346837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236609851706979,0.0,0.0,0.07522656624703095,0.07579534492607505,0.15610501319423686,0.06355742023189097,0.0,0.15946616862043192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606691223080106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708740849753447,0.0,0.0,0.12913579566620653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623744119939728,0.16457483558854266,0.04873289813645516,0.0,0.062165260873829065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302625585910789,0.4103752664259017,0.15813151835245984,0.0,0.16165108295861005,0.06743621806502764,0.06275968230176668,0.0,0.08089912251565629,0.0570044721196448,0.0,0.11564553274686262,0.07077926422016692,0.04193251254499667,0.24754232549272065,0.0,0.08134588861322133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785432505826701,0.06609497043160108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540203202124206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164742816871887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754479964669078,0.0,0.1802329477606988,0.0,0.06515163715714863,0.0,0.061959038743691026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850129422302804,0.0,0.0,0.16074237882808626,0.08195614947915959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125996784687468,0.07846893276143199,0.0,0.0,0.07079666585119976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851018923423021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230352141542852,0.06442436720351666,0.0,0.0,0.06974867285249647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955042673334654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921520350783749,0.0,0.0,0.0701844175233281,0.1173502194445284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697163806706109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680166778004445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061685793685665874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705420620367074,0.14183127596608094,0.0,0.0,0.17209356890978608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126142128695317,0.1217572107323086,0.043519055843641186,0.05856541794797161,0.0,0.08984767386010539,0.06633967248268156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112406593952901,0.0,0.05371481732908767,0.0,0.0,0.052413242909992816,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MeowsHughs,2018/01/05,"Jealousy Does anyone else experience jealousy with a best friend? I've known my best friend for 9 years. She's someone I can confide in and I trust more than anyone besides my spouse. She has another friend, someone I am becoming friends with myself, but I've always felt some jealousy when I hear they're hanging out or they tag each other on Facebook posts. It makes me irrationally jealous and I constantly tell myself that she has other friends, it's no big deal but I always feel like it's a competition, particularly with this specific friend, to be liked more by my best friend. It drives me crazy because I don't think I should be feeling this way but I can't help but feel that twinge of jealousy every time. Does anyone else deal with this or is it just me?",5.460604026845636,6.482656167785232,5.505563758389262,82.12894966442956,67.85906040268456,8.10765100671141,30.33624161073825,8.238735603445708,2.067622281879195,615,23,118,8,10,193,89,149,0.145,0.607,0.248,0.9579,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,2,14,1,0,2,0,10,0,0,1,0,24,17,9,0,1,7,1,4,2,7,1,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,5,21,13,12,13,7,12,0,0,0,0,17,4,0,3,6,75,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680501455338175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770582160753795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354672494289848,0.23003051159273336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842766812372368,0.12397331698249865,0.0,0.0,0.35340408187456024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130434017957115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23145339672937776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646464980467376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875439850096597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945770004713658,0.0,0.0,0.10980382025472192,0.0,0.0,0.17027368027782588,0.08019272326448453,0.10777935147945286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070783485056529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265159603437717,0.0,0.07524002936794177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968113924537816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492896208598866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750621513222727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022120711863785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811303914698137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192643428899156,0.0,0.0,0.06545493945941087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910027052106981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228649232515959 bpd,Bezbecka,2018/01/05,"Valproic acid (Depakine chrono) Did anyone take valproic acid? I was just prescribed Depakine Chrono after I had allergic reaction to carbamazepine, but I read that people put on weight after valproate and have severe metabolic problems and I am afraid that it will happen to me as well. 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It feels better to know what is actually going on with me after reading so much, before my diagnosis I was just blaming everything on the way I was eating, wasn’t exercising enough, my life is going in this direction because of reasons X, Y, Z and I’m just tortured emotionally because I deserve it and/or I did something wrong in the past or in a past life. I don’t know. This post is the first time I’m putting something out there about the hole that I have been in the past couple of days. I just hurt and feel the need to decay and feel like everyone would just be better off without me. I am traveling to Washington state this week in hopes of finding some proper help, and a fresh start. I just so fear failure and just hope I don’t reach out and find that my hands are too broken to grasp. 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I just can't 'settle', I always feel the need to move...Any empathy appreciated :p",6.1101550387596895,7.568741255813954,6.1906976744186055,76.20759689922484,66.67441860465118,9.454263565891472,28.286821705426355,9.725611199111238,2.6217658914728683,186,6,33,4,3,59,33,43,0.064,0.805,0.131,0.4404,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,10,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078227978305047,0.0,0.0,0.16409337755266984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872370465224895,0.24724202745666776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709522909721584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403153084084659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660280511737817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144799687831785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21307375308635326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129308728636075,0.0,0.35784419039879245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607026674771972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,scorpious1109,2018/01/05,"Help dealing with someone who might suffer from BPD So, I was dumped by my GF about a month ago. here's the thing, we got together around mid September, and things were great. She herself told me things were great and we were really happy together. Then the weekend after Thanksgiving she told me she she felt like something was missing from how she felt about me and that she just wanted me as a friend. Now, the thing is that she said something about having BPD and I never really understood what that was exactly, and after doing some research it seems that it could be the reason she suddenly turned cold and distant from me after we had been so close. I love this woman to death and have been a wreck since the split. I would really do anything for her, and I don't want to make the wrong move here. What should I do? Give her space? Assure her how much I care and that I'll still be here for her? ",3.767142857142858,5.391510561797753,3.9528410914927785,89.36820224719101,72.59550561797751,7.3329052969502415,22.26484751203852,7.957251820313856,0.8944802568218293,712,17,146,10,14,220,104,178,0.099,0.745,0.156,0.9248,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,0,14,12,1,0,9,0,22,1,0,4,3,34,38,15,1,5,1,0,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,15,15,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,16,4,29,8,17,16,2,16,0,2,0,1,27,4,0,3,12,115,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948485654741438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092222090556628,0.11999333849024815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395312738368204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742929104034832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762033707999187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896449540417488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25884265955869323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413986149263173,0.0,0.0,0.12930464046694334,0.0,0.0,0.10780536890478172,0.2972170167770585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348844805882394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034814665119333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585249724552612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165492190892392,0.0,0.0899746173923084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299286910041709,0.0,0.0,0.10758958164468373,0.14326242200540515,0.09908753103853386,0.0,0.10395979690054477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25905336317222344,0.1385884880500559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821793182260882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270945259796387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150122465581998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420871085042646,0.2075387279351993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107644958498348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581989060745198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575988091448802,0.0,0.0,0.14661484401216962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900747009233554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957522744105068,0.14737374575360662,0.0,0.0 bpd,thatgentlevoice,2018/01/05,"Any other parents out there? I feel ashamed and selfish for having a baby at all given the bleak prognosis for BPD, but I have a 4 month old and I really can't do anything about it now. I really love him and I'm genuinely scared I'll fuck him up. How do you go with managing your disorder as a parent?",1.2714583333333316,3.107339062500003,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,80.25,8.016666666666666,23.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,1.7890916666666667,236,8,50,6,6,84,51,64,0.238,0.6729999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.8545,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,4,5,1,2,4,0,5,2,0,1,1,9,11,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,8,1,8,10,1,7,0,0,0,2,7,3,1,0,3,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216746636699634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083411924665922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31886465080377074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29016012107622197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801272691948834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340559150990791,0.0,0.0,0.14388500692655445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22850003626877854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208161677468128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26566424154705404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622410491794907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243803700476504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25347202465385543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JustABattery,2018/01/05,"Not Identifying With Yourself From A Few Weeks Ago Does anyone else look at slightly older texts (maybe from a couple weeks or months back) and just generally not being able to identify with yourself from back then? Like it feels like the person who sent those texts just isnt who you are? If so, is this even possibly bpd related? I discovered this today and figured it might be because of the bpd related self identity problems people have but I don't really know what to make of this.",5.158928571428568,6.937356663043477,5.56832298136646,78.54934782608694,69.32608695652173,9.170186335403725,28.360248447204967,9.606745405546679,2.701072670807454,391,14,70,9,7,125,69,92,0.021,0.934,0.045,0.2937,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,18,13,7,0,2,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,3,2,10,9,1,11,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,3,11,49,12,0,0.18295216464553696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621760552563174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792440736986727,0.1874561129659092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813578432985021,0.0,0.11152594146732052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608436936538263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024330903745006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601026721741905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283305765233166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208381792854182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250611154226132,0.1307010629783426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005457250767352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876237275003934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536337406221603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212199054773674,0.0,0.18380003982872506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408333499807368,0.0,0.0,0.14603067235460376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683599513938534,0.159746773374526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625107656997652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506051333624364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172038414298466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190859008109802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734172600488513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935063819483941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,badvibes__,2018/01/05,"Please help How do I cope after being cut off from my entire friend group? The worst part is that I don’t even know what I did but no one will even talk to me about what it is that I have done to cause this reaction. Instead they’ve told everyone else and now I have nothing left except a few handful of friends. I’ve become too anxious to be active online much because I’ve seen these ex friends say some pretty horrible stuff about me. I hate living like this and I honestly don’t know how to get past this? ",4.092749326145551,4.6553171698113225,4.564770889487871,89.30650943396229,70.69811320754717,7.566576819407007,25.52021563342318,7.447530270364453,1.0183008086253371,404,11,88,4,7,128,77,106,0.152,0.616,0.232,0.8796,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,2,0,2,0,12,1,1,3,0,10,18,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,3,10,5,11,11,5,5,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,4,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143571801403135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409002270780855,0.20670174707870684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226323062148296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152802188113316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634682647505524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472327144206771,0.0,0.0,0.17883787045755153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337943437140331,0.0,0.09778253864420487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478017119610585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544832952079754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057147226242268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033481478087358,0.0,0.0,0.09143613987033634,0.0,0.16526429495543826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758295776795626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958353124531584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268233746584839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267430734238115,0.17866386897611078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544371916342385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040737613969386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883587063658307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425158926019056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504308314432144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883787045755153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SloppyTofu,2018/01/05,"moodswings I notice recently especially being newly married I having moodswings where I become not very affectionate or just irritable to the point I don't want to be touched because just a soft rub on the arm just starts to hurt.. is this normal and also can someone explain why I am being like this? I thought because I was pmsing but it's recurring and I feel bad for my husband who just wants to cuddle but I just want to be left alone. Also what can I do to stop these from being this bad? I also have severe anxiety and ptsd and I am taking buspirone for anxiety, Trazadone for PTSD/Depression/sleep and hydroxyzine for anxiety attacks(not taken regularly, just as needed)",4.592018611309951,6.915247700787402,5.637136721546169,75.21085182534004,71.99212598425197,8.712670007158195,30.44309234073013,9.339509955726095,3.1440614173228347,546,24,91,13,11,180,80,127,0.239,0.748,0.013,-0.9783,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,3,0,15,2,1,0,0,24,25,12,0,5,10,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,13,2,13,17,0,8,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,5,70,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260693890203085,0.0,0.3766638289018249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603187799365373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621805726807783,0.19141417845470954,0.17339660455478142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938503414512844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680741116904345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058335921617793,0.0,0.0,0.07670334871952154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641514843881501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382882987412586,0.0,0.17874805529384233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841783489088176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670543606206337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502074027760507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736780701362534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711559389240884,0.0,0.13302746200353718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112697145679896,0.0,0.0,0.13126087662934602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804612183275062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464221645035947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954326484073933,0.2778119115671783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167007328791914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlecrystalgirl,2018/01/05,"I don't know if I am strong enough to push through change The number of shitty things that have surfaced for me lately are too much to take. It isn't just feelings coming up, it is forceful change and sacrifice, and uncomfortable new situations. I am afraid that I won't be able to do this without spiraling out. I used to do this all the time, because I had the freedom to. My relationships were based on neediness, and I lived alone-- I indulged my BPD to varying extents. Now, I cannot afford to do that. I could lose everything if I did that. I am wondering how you all avoid the spiral and just keep going. Honestly, I feel like a kid reaching for their blankie-- and mine is not there. I don't think I have a single source of comfort in my life right now, other than sleep.",3.158828784119109,4.971544535483872,3.9812903225806453,87.7550124069479,74.61290322580646,7.091811414392061,26.761786600496286,7.882392219407189,1.5084739454094291,613,23,126,9,13,196,100,155,0.073,0.804,0.123,0.7579,1,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,2,8,7,0,2,6,0,21,2,1,2,2,25,31,8,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,2,5,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,3,2,22,4,18,25,6,14,1,1,0,0,4,6,0,3,6,97,32,0,0.18576022326203176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239156894733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323770793647794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339584983536364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930193705692417,0.16001598400598174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831442282779533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193996746737965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694931077957284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785190070296406,0.13270714061504313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557181572583764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511222160198655,0.0,0.0,0.10208896065528364,0.0,0.20954562298537668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120793927243188,0.09075306197451956,0.0,0.1640296804254298,0.0,0.0,0.20781817420531093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655513794282306,0.0,0.0,0.17940838117168836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994369609605469,0.0,0.15863821568915912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088022739947782,0.1858943770736868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966856974802144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341083816830695,0.11902765039724232,0.0,0.0,0.1083182800282348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043719030997786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179066226355573,0.20144903812707105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,star0118,2018/01/05,"Do we ever get better? Feel like I've been on this high and low rollercoaster for 10+ years. When does it stop, or is this forever?",0.3945238095238111,2.448587500000002,2.3785714285714303,94.63309523809528,84.71428571428572,6.590476190476192,16.476190476190478,7.793537801064563,0.19124761904762,102,2,24,2,3,34,27,28,0.134,0.6859999999999999,0.18,0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,2,4,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649181528859455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610759494135894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732274632582896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862694918258806,0.2947671626175281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557059536483514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359428947930429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015793758580119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449586755628173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26570595648667394 bpd,memorman,2018/01/05,I don’t know what to do I’m trying not to actively ruin my relationships but I can’t help the feeling that I want to die. People say that they’re here for me but I’m so afraid they’ll find things about me that they don’t like and then leave me or string me along while talking shit about me. I try so hard to be normal and I have no one to go to for this. I’m so afraid of getting rejected and left and I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t know what to do. If I can’t handle my own shit how do I expect other people to?,-0.15770454545454626,1.2335282750000012,2.4312121212121234,97.06227272727274,82.91666666666666,5.363636363636363,16.742424242424242,6.11248444174946,-0.6446666666666672,403,7,104,3,11,140,65,120,0.217,0.688,0.095,-0.9548,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,2,2,1,0,12,2,2,1,0,18,21,14,1,4,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,0,3,18,1,14,19,1,4,0,2,0,0,6,1,2,2,3,72,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453994765587145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451504351730547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938229399006784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977205186762632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130228205425836,0.0,0.12294458923839498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378802979471446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450005719976906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377771992883649,0.0,0.0,0.22906086485389066,0.2350417726530933,0.0,0.0,0.10568727884305207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195620150114053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658993019997826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999501736168193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322560720933713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203327025969653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44411661712568223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387681995189944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371918017940438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937459831379912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759627601608253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Abrakem,2018/01/05,"Fraying I, as captain of a burning ship, try as bravely as I can. To make it home, to safely quit this horrible fiery land. Clawing at the wheel, I still attempt to meet the shore. Flames catch up, I burn alive, the pain I cant ignore. I held on log, I did my best, I die in immolate fire. I, the burning mad captain of this raging funeral pyre.",1.8008920187793436,3.313526014084509,3.6503521126760567,89.96782863849769,77.59154929577466,6.423474178403758,27.32629107981221,7.1686216300943375,1.3053643192488256,261,11,57,3,6,88,52,71,0.281,0.547,0.172,-0.8686,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,1,7,2,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,5,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,10,3,12,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3968649816881365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924796647578147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793342907021058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25243071054896804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023984255243916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022292278921731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020062118438647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25675189328029824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SahBabiii,2018/01/05,"You ever find yourself in a relationship where your partner doesn't care about you? Or vise versa? Title says it all, this is mainly for people with BPD finding a partner that doesn't really care or vise versa. How come these BPD relationships lasts the longest as opposed to someone who cares about them? And why?",4.915344827586207,7.296883982758622,5.0064137931034525,79.82996551724139,71.24137931034483,6.708965517241379,27.11724137931035,7.554174236665415,1.710037241379311,253,9,42,3,5,79,47,58,0.103,0.847,0.05,-0.4966,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,1,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,2,11,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,7,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682943067740853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5686429457669714,0.0,0.0,0.16014501467176484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816625038092095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398367678244223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515414737399607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888659481671644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909871487767106,0.0,0.0,0.399195558337785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784310428359007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752095078277414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677548703528971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kklau97,2018/01/05,"Always needing to be around people? I have an extremely difficult time being alone in a room or just alone in general. When I am alone, I am left with my own thoughts and it’s not pretty. I always have to be surrounded by people or else I’ll get severe panic attacks. Does anyone else feel this way? ",2.096,4.3678819333333365,3.846666666666668,85.295,79.66666666666666,6.666666666666668,21.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,1.1476666666666664,236,7,45,4,6,79,45,60,0.314,0.6859999999999999,0.0,-0.9557,0,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,11,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,7,7,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,2,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762209526678511,0.0,0.0,0.308623942654127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296732336271224,0.19001878399310354,0.0,0.16509272261609212,0.0,0.21097985978345984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229140036696918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098448091082031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377074211705017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689167571675343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149551308723532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751124478724092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758944621826987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571398839079123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886726403180625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095094002345028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472291756440775,0.10813928914300057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720416818309676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sullyts,2018/01/05,"I grew up with a family who emotionally punished me for being wrong about anything, how can I learn how to admit when I'm wrong about things? I'm really good at pulling complete lies out of my ass to back up my argument even if it's something I don't know anything about because my family members would berate me for not knowing things. They basically turned me into an annoying know-it-all and this is something I'm going to have to fix as I learn to manage my other BPD symptoms better since it only makes me more upset.",10.490142857142855,6.535466942857141,10.493214285714286,66.58553571428574,60.523809523809526,13.166666666666664,40.535714285714285,10.686352973137794,4.227714285714286,419,15,78,7,4,141,73,105,0.208,0.723,0.07,-0.9403,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,2,1,2,0,6,2,1,3,0,15,15,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,0,0,13,2,18,13,1,10,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,2,55,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007617030506016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051709015672126,0.0,0.11139764641535496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162018655676447,0.0,0.0,0.2301567786066971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916011995006928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555982027764244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206991718017164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445452292662527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385632148480993,0.15327507092427375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012901837001476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198150621810615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898330030418488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706901474531944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116582568366735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813669828874373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899386006707993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428109357672193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877049800120625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981446317771755,0.3995987313987943,0.0,0.0 bpd,imdep,2018/01/05,DAE have feelings of loneliness that worsen at night? I was wondering if anyone else feels this way. Every night (and it seems to be triggered by the end of the day...it's worse in the winter because the nights are longer and the days are shorter) I feel incredibly lonely. The feelings of loneliness become unbearable. Does anyone else find their loneliness exacerbated by nighttime?,5.1482515991471205,8.313268388059704,5.226439232409383,74.63940298507465,74.07462686567165,8.007675906183369,28.974413646055442,8.841846274778883,2.9696712153518128,310,13,47,7,7,97,49,67,0.24,0.76,0.0,-0.9513,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,1,0,11,11,3,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,8,9,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,6,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251221812640525,0.3681319730775282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095090051535426,0.19840212271724908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317103812305659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720723018829494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001381719424451,0.0,0.1591108126384995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135738972280785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633325883587025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419089690328434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057497427474267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635406879117034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142592642000189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481570367715947,0.0,0.0,0.18307206542156101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SocialDistortionYup,2018/01/05,When youve shown weakness to another person I can see people being unconfortable when I'm insecure or wish washy When I show weakness to another person I get scared to be around them. ,7.505714285714286,7.707855714285714,8.092142857142857,68.21535714285716,63.28571428571429,11.571428571428573,34.64285714285714,11.20814326018867,4.150142857142857,150,6,25,4,2,50,25,35,0.29,0.6409999999999999,0.069,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,5,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,3,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.606576128358099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257480427077685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111332376434197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20051909641491988,0.5050976044624766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28957464262813204,0.0,0.23048280796035345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326059185877441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ponzufish,2018/01/06,"I don't like who I am. I feel as though everyone finds me weird and obnoxious. I hate my voice and my face looks so stupid. I hate that I seem to have a resting worried face because people often ask me if I'm ok and that I look worried. I wish I had a voice that wasn't so whiny and my face looked neutral. I never make friends irl, understandably. :(",1.985450450450454,3.3331952027027083,3.4118918918918912,92.56801801801802,76.70270270270271,6.5549549549549555,24.495495495495497,7.1686216300943375,0.7651063063063068,271,9,63,3,6,89,48,74,0.35,0.59,0.06,-0.9703,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,2,1,5,3,3,1,1,13,17,9,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,6,15,3,2,15,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,3,2,39,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901270488782797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239747803913512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433238060101124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283190361293812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858799681113272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712609283019216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015790443548685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935816551890278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5123483111751689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575359024022846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568544115987582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099378526861744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851438686752424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998137252035882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171929740867185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338698323644667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130719303280404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,immasssssnake,2018/01/06,"The ""distorted self-image"" symptom [warning: text wall] In the list of BPD symptoms, I came across ""distorted self-image or unstable sense of self"" for the first time. That was a new one for me, and since my diagnosis, it's always stuck out like a sore thumb. SO much of my life has started to make sense since my diagnosis. It's helpful and confusing at the same time. The past I can make sense of, but my future makes me question everything. For myself, the disorder manifests as obsessive jealousy and self-comparisons. That further turns into me completely absorbing the hobbies and traits that make up someone else's form of self-expression and lifestyle. It's always another girl for me. Usually the ex-girlfriend of someone I'm currently dating. I completely zone in on everything about them in order to emulate it: their hair, their make-up, contacts or glasses, where they buy their clothes, what they go to school for, their extracurriculars and hobbies. It started with my third relationship, when I was (floundering) in college before my second sloppy medical leave. I was insanely jealous of one of my then SO's ex's. She was, in my eyes, much prettier than me. More socially successful. And, in anyone's eyes, MUCH more well-adjusted post-high school. In high school, I stopped wearing gender-neutral clothing and had to shop at Delia's and American Eagle. I had to be in the best auditioned choral groups. I had to be chosen for every school play. I had to be at every theatre extracurricular. In college, I had to be amazing at cosplay and be completely immersed in the local cosplay community in my city. I started buying quirky off-brand clothing. I started wearing circle lenses. Watched anime after I honestly stopped caring about it. Watched shows I knew this girl liked. I thought those were moments when I was doing well, like I was at a high point in the roller-coaster of life. I never really confronted the fact that while I felt motivated and driven for a time, those feelings sprang out of raging envy. It comes and goes with different girls. I'm so glad I finally pinpointed what it was that drove my brain to act in this disorderly way. But I realize now, at nearly 26, I never invested in... me. Who am I now? What do I really like? How do I express myself? What hobbies actually matter to me? One thing I'm successful in, I'm finally not tanning anymore and I'm letting my natural brown hair grow back in. But moving forward, and in a new relationship, I'm scared to try things that my boyfriend likes. Concerts or sports and such. What if I'm trying new things but it's for the wrong reasons? I feel like I'm constantly questioning my sanity. I reapplied to a community college. It took some time to convince myself I was doing Psychology for the right reasons. What do others in this sub think of that symptom? This is sometimes tied to the ""chameleon effect"" that almost everyone engages in, but with BPD it seems to consume your life and you loose complete sight of who you are. Thanks for reading this essay, I'd love to hear similar or even tangential stories. ",4.637881183887167,6.912384027923213,5.424713466538449,76.9981750186986,71.72251308900525,8.726416639954412,32.11272571855967,9.344382777155033,3.2960278448552187,2460,117,419,58,49,799,277,573,0.08,0.768,0.152,0.9947,2,0,0,0,0,0,95.0,0,3,7,7,15,26,3,3,21,0,30,16,7,9,3,64,65,35,0,1,11,1,5,6,0,0,8,2,0,4,38,24,0,2,14,6,5,10,3,7,1,6,22,13,62,19,78,37,9,85,0,0,6,1,29,41,0,11,40,288,100,11,0.0,0.0,0.06323219400324219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488449602850764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783202523456747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794494867380829,0.0,0.0,0.06426087622609823,0.045307331895498515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982463256941223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513718592243634,0.0,0.06800009797347069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321825216631458,0.07233450310168406,0.0,0.07411011803695708,0.06606451425397057,0.0,0.0,0.05581658587296055,0.2717522645632167,0.07002217099246105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769871936947568,0.14852517421121153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054129295652215866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04279758340957383,0.0,0.10918796292295137,0.061915986285490526,0.11647012140001288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552627734110544,0.046290747490686346,0.0622149559329765,0.1419631495503807,0.0,0.055116006656270485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03682543562651405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303054610702985,0.0,0.04343183594322105,0.20538368945873486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686103079890261,0.0,0.06625897587367653,0.1373033935661099,0.1899382530464777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848151628867933,0.0,0.21626137151011535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527581889768802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688685959811559,0.14289900407251746,0.0,0.09995035893999503,0.1877430565990965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317236831205414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061855744719702586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061253788677894765,0.0,0.06205728968639888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517417923076528,0.0,0.06481419579211407,0.0,0.08302080036589264,0.13324351853828706,0.0,0.13913472865661364,0.0,0.05533599436176439,0.0,0.0,0.06487276142522169,0.2623107206192338,0.0,0.058988446486819376,0.33798524470293234,0.0,0.0,0.10720093496584956,0.0,0.0,0.06605203574697943,0.10980400100718556,0.0,0.06408555447191767,0.0,0.18345364035349898,0.0,0.0,0.10834581982199684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020456226061032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059656059646574826,0.0,0.0,0.12914406687055413,0.04151908392730345,0.0,0.051441310893720574,0.1511338161962956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199147443318284,0.0879853587669475,0.07048016022466344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136436757302758,0.0,0.0,0.05143257338249465,0.0,0.0,0.11651995982227445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084497673892319,0.0,0.0 bpd,daneatak,2018/01/06,"The wound was too much today. I’ve been binging alcohol and bad food on and off for almost 6 months. I lost my SSI(for epilepsy), the love of my life, and purpose to live. I cut here and there, but today I cut so deep. I bled for so long. I asked myself for awhile if I should call for help or not, but I made it through. I’m not sure if that’s good though. I kinda wish I just died. In all honesty, if it wasn’t for my dog, I’d have ended it already. ",-0.8234454545454533,0.9948871100000041,1.407454545454545,101.16372727272729,87.9,4.036363636363637,17.090909090909093,4.851557810540192,-0.9688,341,8,87,1,11,114,69,100,0.14,0.696,0.16399999999999998,0.6707,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,2,20,11,13,1,5,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,13,3,11,5,2,9,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,6,5,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22109740382521306,0.20716568342802594,0.0,0.2283030069544809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340977201925305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274053386364752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112529612771056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21471421623490972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323891591735866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501664535114006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352552377446642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867081547120458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461291633911692,0.0,0.0,0.18268345730299207,0.18308692717100766,0.0,0.0,0.2258396785889393,0.0,0.18672200651028376,0.19575981643850812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513382483067213,0.0,0.15208445597882442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949868903881363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203263697963802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392206034277282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23790781599282398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,basiceternalstudent,2018/01/06,"Things are looking up! I recently switched from Sertraline to Venaflaxine (I think that's how its spelt i'm very dyslexic).The change has been unbelievable!(Did anyone else find Sertraline just made them depressed and empty?). Ive gone from endless numbness and suicidal ideation to eating well, working out again, and im even managing to keep up social relations! I still have lots of anxiety, and all the ups and downs associated with BPD, but being able to feel the positives again has been beautiful. I'm even starting DBT soon, can anyone tell me thier experiences (especially if you where a guy in a mainly female group)? I'm starting back at university in a week an im so fucking excited!",6.690604444444446,8.504721936000003,7.10186666666667,68.88337777777778,65.64,10.995555555555557,35.48888888888889,10.980518767755715,4.499782222222222,562,27,91,17,9,183,94,125,0.06,0.809,0.131,0.9214,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,1,12,5,1,0,6,0,9,3,0,2,1,18,21,9,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,2,7,2,16,16,3,19,0,1,1,1,6,9,1,2,9,62,10,2,0.17171792113641207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313637396567363,0.0,0.0,0.24013832619823,0.17594530288933424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204048183920128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627271040050813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816547915785305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790039385405704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571030274855773,0.14344828874709908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268361348006303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797307695709496,0.0,0.0,0.0868257404727989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694706898624042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875045106489566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002773937815044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709696435410729,0.0,0.0,0.15263077826792665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419980549102332,0.0,0.0,0.14598843585920687,0.0,0.16248364894490755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955073091784362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750447956508472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430856568152842,0.0,0.13713415363662015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783153477683726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008903184697406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408175659904758,0.1100299101984538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168526869307035,0.0,0.0,0.13774175847029935,0.0,0.15439503359491594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501269173787807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,noahoaa,2018/01/06,"I feel so lonely My family is gone for the holidays (it’s Three Kings Day today where I live). I broke up with my boyfriend recently and it was a nasty breakup, I had to tell him never to contact me again and that I wanted no form of relationship between us, ever. My friends are all with their families and all bars and restaurants are closed. I just want to feel loved and I feel so lonely today. I only wish to be hugged and cared for. I want to feel like someone’s first choice. I need affection and attention, I need to talk to someone. But I’m here alone, sitting in the dark writing this because I can’t gather the motivation to even get up from my bed to turn on the lights. ",3.6145323741007194,4.659394805755396,4.602223021582738,86.82434172661873,72.16546762589928,7.8621582733812945,26.849640287769784,8.238735603445708,1.5604469064748203,534,18,114,8,10,174,91,139,0.108,0.701,0.191,0.8889,0,5,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,3,8,8,0,0,5,0,7,3,0,2,4,30,23,10,0,6,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,10,1,0,6,2,0,1,3,3,0,2,3,5,20,5,20,19,3,16,0,3,0,2,11,6,0,0,9,79,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721497718138472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132380378541683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694684117219364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107195646467301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978417941704104,0.15035199628925106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133875295283006,0.0,0.3361754573524574,0.11874482910008445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138334647533507,0.0,0.0,0.12841816173611262,0.0,0.08684106220751282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120480016771699,0.0,0.14677187888449778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001653750806754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464942932292892,0.12819611838423814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641484899029068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641183657069021,0.17845390787370974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28166875760057913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359822083185685,0.1452802148590693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31510689260297664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079540803500946,0.0,0.0,0.19993752630573336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29411572166838906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114033459888013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kim_yoseob,2018/01/06,"I think my boss is keeping me around as a charity case To give a bit of background, I work as a receptionist in a small office of about 10-15 people. I had a huge falling out with a coworker a few months ago and things have not gone back to normal since. The falling out wasn't entirely my fault either. So on to the topic of this post. My boss. When I had that falling out, it landed me in her office with her asking me straight up if I suffer from and personality disorders. I decided to tell her the truth about my BPD in confidence and I don't regret that. She's extremely understanding and very nice. The reason I believe she is keeping me as a charity case is because of the fact that her step-daughter has the same disorder. She see's her daughter in me and wants me to be able to have the opportunity to grow and be able to better myself. Instead of jumping from job to job. I realize writing this, she seems like an amazing boss. And she is. But she said something to another coworker of mine, who also happens to be my best friend, during her performance review that has me extremely pissed off and feeling betrayed. During my friends performance review, my boss told her that ""{I'm} is only still working here because I like her and I want to give her a chance"" Does that mean that everything else that I do for the office is overlooked? My work doesn't matter? Is my work even good? During my performance review, I got basically negative criticisms and very shallow compliments. My mood needs to change, I need to stop taking things personally, I need to start being a team player, etc... And for the good things, well, I dress nicely and I'm always on time and I'm good with customers. Know that while my mood does need improvement, I'll be the first to admit it, I know that I don't take things personally and that I'm a good team player. The only person I don't get along with is that one employee and no one gets along with her because she's such a bitch. I know I don't take things personally because I know that everything said is work related. I just get frustrated when I'm basically harassed for the same things over and over again for 15-20 minutes straight. That's not taking it personally. That's getting pissed off at an annoying coworker. Anyway, I digress, I want to know if the way I feel toward my boss is alright. I'm mostly mad that she said what she said to my coworker / friend. So can anyone give me their insight? ",4.334801422643746,5.618941502074691,5.399944279786607,80.87608713692947,70.70124481327802,8.662098399525787,28.70918790752816,9.081645337920577,2.339657545939537,1932,72,376,38,35,638,205,482,0.103,0.727,0.17,0.9819,3,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,0,0,1,14,18,31,7,0,27,1,29,2,2,6,2,74,78,28,0,11,7,1,2,2,3,0,0,4,0,6,29,27,0,3,16,2,0,6,10,10,1,3,10,7,70,19,59,63,8,42,0,2,1,0,45,22,3,4,14,263,99,17,0.1419143234463047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289924255742403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567444165938885,0.05904204281337345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440477093562846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496148973130148,0.0,0.0,0.06316691772549587,0.06633536769840581,0.0,0.0,0.054561677440902005,0.0,0.17301930874347887,0.0,0.0,0.07994442261879572,0.07446516351945895,0.06275584327154382,0.07746684285792006,0.0,0.0893680612171077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506326851921173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264610954985512,0.0,0.12419018079161065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927560359557031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913599199992875,0.04686653610521172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275434432251382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717561459827672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060356125513230524,0.0,0.0,0.1644639813913723,0.0,0.14828875340599712,0.20420572563444508,0.0,0.23806200285457835,0.05675092429008888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274718377215836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408280682811208,0.1261399712483634,0.0,0.0,0.19498100196475476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933217006650166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772931509212732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566373295166096,0.0,0.0,0.21045534529114376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069522952856747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616481833877444,0.1079322378852468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049192761598964116,0.3717423400280448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795734655963273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295578014999728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699860393010129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565436710386546,0.06459673506814012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058696497428468615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462628974775223,0.0,0.0,0.05022384428215432,0.0,0.05666648101121189,0.059323364451933924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340381955230744,0.0,0.0620196869095385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28284471180719745,0.04546648410758152,0.0,0.0,0.04137569162314913,0.0,0.0,0.06780260882883413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386890779251366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709417931347953,0.1255571172629481,0.0563224921918235,0.0,0.0,0.06379901000165868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25828829415086146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itscarla,2018/01/06,"I can’t recognize myself. I’ve done the worst. I got to the point where I am disrespecting my boyfriend (maybe ex, I have no idea but I would be definitely done if I were him) and his career. Somehow I feel like he is obligated to be there for me because three years ago when we met he was going through a rough time and I was there for him always. I have no idea what to do. My family situation is not ideal, my head is messed up and most of all this whole long distance relationship freaking kills me. I’ve never got to this point until now and I don’t know what to do. Therapy doesn’t really help, the meds don’t help, I don’t think anyone wants to help me and I might as well die alone. Just wanted to vent. ",1.3227428571428597,3.153966226666668,3.2205714285714286,91.056,80.06666666666666,6.685714285714287,19.38095238095238,7.7094869923839395,0.4110952380952382,554,13,128,9,14,186,94,150,0.18,0.691,0.129,-0.8222,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,8,7,1,0,4,0,22,1,1,0,2,24,31,10,2,5,4,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,9,4,1,1,8,2,23,3,14,19,4,13,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,4,9,91,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558420688411538,0.0,0.0,0.1584138820319187,0.0,0.0,0.12726971299154974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694876803453572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323914246743834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874176953229488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31304943403187496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419111512576913,0.0,0.07733797535997496,0.10927013815215546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692710004806267,0.0,0.24466205782326994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697460080448392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307564878791752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34533216983913745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922058277663676,0.0,0.08405934136560161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472544110081425,0.0,0.0,0.13535919189234755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366252796111068,0.0,0.16989705536209124,0.0,0.0,0.1622596813293301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796730579829365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28918132948806513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798604275410357,0.0,0.0,0.1642150088970773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719263426229479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749158608820213,0.0,0.0,0.09800654088811556,0.0,0.0,0.08918851968503196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043208440028494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375237255547151,0.0,0.0,0.17076731923902222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865390442300096,0.0,0.0,0.09849715387335008 bpd,bluntSwordsSuffer,2018/01/06,I haven't eaten today. I haven't left my house in three days. I am approaching my 28th birthday and I want to die. I have never wanted to live beyond 27. I have no money and no job. I have no girlfriend and very few friends. Life is agony. I wish firearms were legal in my country.,-0.4192796610169509,1.8132540847457648,1.4862500000000018,97.54259533898306,92.89830508474577,3.6279661016949154,17.54449152542373,5.148860815047168,-0.6552898305084747,217,6,48,1,8,71,39,59,0.214,0.643,0.14300000000000002,-0.6621,1,0,0,1,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,7,12,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,2,0,11,1,5,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,33,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811530165374965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027271744728261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535823075779315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365699922562941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894563664369854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169209982709725,0.0,0.20602859706824656,0.0,0.0,0.2575667686193495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249685717231717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764871060937458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406740083045245,0.3440915094727374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354280037131465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thrownaway4badstuff,2018/01/06,"Resources for relatives Does anyone know of any sub reddits or resources for those who are related to people who may have BPD? 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BPD people are always creative. What would be a good band name for a heavy metal band?",3.184895833333332,5.496028531250001,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,76.1875,4.266666666666667,16.916666666666664,3.1291,-0.8355958333333335,131,2,25,0,3,39,26,32,0.0,0.8140000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967772985711377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492122989441307,0.0,0.3641990722991972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226276589130987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033825902443166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991571545167352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24726947444453465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285391847234535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380806426816549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25336752535935897,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheeProphecy,2018/01/06,"Thriving as a Borderline. Hey all. Quick background info:I’m 17 and male. My mother has BPD to an extremely high degree. My father isn’t always present. I do not know if I am full on BPD or just pick up on symptoms from my mother. My emotions are definitely unstable and I mostly feel depressed. Many symptoms are present but there are times where I seem to escape the entire disorder. My question is, how do I survive or better yet thrive with BPD? It has many setbacks but I’ve noticed it has its perks and many upsides. The intense emotions allow for a vibrant personality. I can connect with people one-on-one very easily and for some reason I’m very captivating. I’m an introvert but when I start talking with people, they seem to be like magnets to me. I attribute this to the BPD, as I always skip small talk and dive into philosophy and the meaning of life, chasing the rush we all do. People seem to like this personality, and it fuels my ego so I stick with it. The biggest issue I face with BPD is when I’m alone (romantic relationship wise) I’m very depressed and my brain spirals into excessive thought, then into depression. It seems to me that when I was in a relationship, most of my symptoms subsided. I’m guessing this is because I accessed the flow of love that BPD’s crave. I’m now weary of relationships and love-avoidant. It’s very odd, as when I consider getting into another relationship, I immediately think of how much I’ll hurt the other person if I choose to leave. It’s an extreme form of empathy and rather irrational. I close myself off and don’t allow myself to talk with any females In fear of them having expectations. Do you guys suggest I just start talking with people and attempt to be in a relationship if it seemed to help with the symptoms before? Or do I need to sort myself out before hand? Any other advice on how to thrive as a Borderline is appreciated. Edit: I did not really describe my symptoms very well, so I will list them here and maybe gain insight about what they could represent. I have a void in my stomach often. I try and fill it with drugs, drama, fantasizing, etc. it’s different than depression, and whoever coined the term “void” was spot on. I also experience the entire spectrum of emotions daily. Super excited and motivated, to suicidal within only a few hours apart. I then hit a dissociated feeling when they get too much. I have a weird drive to attain love, but when I actually am about to, i get anxiety and quickly find fault in the situation. Lastly, I always feel like I am acting. Putting on masks for people based on their own personality. I think of it as mirroring. But I am also acting even when alone, as I don’t feel like I am anything? If that makes sense. Again I am not sure if this is BPD, Bipolar or something else but it has led me to believe BPD.",3.710213935001171,5.785540195970699,5.279099836333881,77.9052618657938,73.78021978021978,7.8702517340815215,28.649988309562783,8.656518465578396,2.4043439794248305,2241,93,406,44,47,756,261,546,0.107,0.753,0.14,0.9687,1,3,2,0,0,0,66.0,1,1,6,7,31,20,0,1,24,0,37,14,4,11,3,95,68,54,1,9,21,3,5,4,0,1,8,0,0,6,23,33,0,0,20,1,1,8,6,8,1,0,4,5,59,12,67,59,13,56,0,5,0,2,32,26,0,21,26,288,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.05229124974725529,0.0,0.0,0.052362661333547146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109958405606718,0.0,0.08570384220185526,0.13376108763529507,0.0,0.0,0.07287930216056558,0.056188565590249456,0.04099239359945932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044095905686092986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032664930808413324,0.0,0.09119381052263137,0.060371967783854376,0.0,0.04739159561266878,0.0,0.0,0.5399076544395489,0.05981860390357215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042783278183954165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846107966847809,0.0,0.0,0.05598494086631075,0.061413075260640486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214161103373491,0.0,0.04476340829558925,0.1808278053197774,0.0,0.0,0.059761461813845125,0.03539240031010574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052416431678408086,0.0,0.060298044975425624,0.10837678456249587,0.0765622979300227,0.0,0.0,0.0489757374674096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839878838642394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059029940712648186,0.05305759438356563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03591690935431312,0.05661551560770218,0.0,0.0,0.052770450778643466,0.0,0.057363872137116474,0.0,0.0,0.05592883901122711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02944892559975097,0.0436789431633671,0.0,0.05673879906976361,0.0,0.0,0.037848684293863566,0.10471573627089896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508771783370555,0.0,0.03576841691667244,0.16298039920883492,0.05383335486433138,0.058369795721491625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878231048155544,0.03973261332576585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100690038165917,0.0,0.0,0.03631059631496877,0.04075382231177333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574552927931495,0.18715349022810784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053867745339926686,0.060027485861233215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03432793590814927,0.0550943250896162,0.0,0.28765128900661485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24390894828722195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023180755746872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04125236629112166,0.0,0.0,0.07585550585415474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586133146337221,0.0,0.050503247158046334,0.2784767653719167,0.0,0.17227843711204288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867023424202415,0.0,0.042540520342087496,0.03124585605700734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036380711138604534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106626671440285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048179368244713236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,itsactuallyallie,2018/01/06,"I think I might actually have ASPD, but who knows. okay so I’ve never actually made a post here so hey, I was diagnosed with BPD at 16. (yes I know you’re normally meant to be 18 but mine was seen as a special case as I had symptoms/difficulty for a long time) I didn’t know much about it at the time, but displayed quite a lot of symptoms, e.g extreme mood swings, emptiness, self harm. But over the past couple of years I seem to have stopped experiencing the core ‘BPD’ symptoms, only really feeling ones such as emptiness, anger bursts and self harm that are seen in a lot of disorders. I’ve also been learning a lot about myself and realised I struggle with empathy, do a lot of things out of impulse and have been told I’m highly irresponsible. Basically, near enough all the symptoms of ASPD. However I honestly don’t want to get diagnosed due to the huge stigma attached to ASPD- it’s essentially psychopathy. Plus, I’m not a doctor so I’m not 100% this is right anyway. Do I go back to the psychiatrist, or do I simply carry on living with the BPD label? Also is anyone here comorbid with any disorders, as I also want to see if this is a possibility? ",4.504546943231438,5.574337847161573,6.223316048034935,75.9366334606987,70.09170305676855,9.218449781659393,29.596342794759828,9.516144504307137,2.6914124454148483,913,35,175,20,16,315,135,229,0.138,0.785,0.077,-0.9599,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,13,8,1,1,16,2,19,6,0,1,2,37,38,20,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,7,9,0,1,8,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,11,5,14,3,32,25,7,21,0,0,3,0,5,10,0,8,9,119,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.20723207378756192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25473552033413577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220581357264785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424329089390827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816456086636277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40118871497649145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748578026844185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554025076686373,0.0,0.0,0.2433821911973361,0.10867938682195404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971197803990172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053687629201510656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547449280182485,0.0,0.060344350795589786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218464623282433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750607019056474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375858990798927,0.09396566265805638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610806182331641,0.0,0.10046976678068772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263984562586275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805427130628703,0.0,0.08189230377600176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403352807893372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195008927099646,0.08075442022574618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013605051667252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197016190248418,0.101690768745811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293514413628815,0.0,0.0,0.06802141258314141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067685415199483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461144624864694,0.09666197961076133,0.2215370960109147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877095474013873,0.0,0.1110020404219096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33108398366040404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054105169267694,0.06803564228353166,0.0,0.0,0.12382843361476847,0.0,0.0,0.10145922058221278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525503542405267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837622332292552 bpd,Imhereforgames,2018/01/06,"I feel like a Psychopath. I feel like I lack empathy and unconditional love. I hate how half the time I legitimately do not love my family. Feel nothing towards them. I know they all love me unconditionally, I’ve done some things I’d rather not speak on and every single time they forgive me. Sure, they might be a little upset but at they end of the day the do always forgive me and still love me. I feel like I don’t have that. I love them sometimes but others I really don’t, and it’s not because I’m angry, I just feel it’s not there. Am I crazy?",0.972971014492753,3.0973574782608715,3.333586956521738,88.23139492753626,82.91304347826087,5.920289855072465,19.14855072463768,7.1686216300943375,0.276202898550725,430,11,95,6,12,148,66,115,0.046,0.6409999999999999,0.313,0.9854,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,6,0,5,13,1,1,5,0,9,5,0,1,2,26,22,7,0,2,8,0,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,8,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,6,23,11,4,19,4,9,0,0,0,5,14,4,0,2,8,66,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079319006919315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849437303834935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362273396934656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855946044514284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857765978536775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231210839200725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685349299744545,0.0,0.3670119362115754,0.3111287420183784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433254636279346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978171522505502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276840022011215,0.14549862296552074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6551086189122702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540025829136729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392946694932979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299971225133816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357698550457046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159330654085908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682114374786886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964445938447277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929975808178896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stargirlspirit,2018/01/06,"Everything I want seems unattainable So I'm 21, currently 11 weeks pregnant and I won't be working untill the baby is born but looking around for things I want to do when the time comes. I'm a musician and dancer so I found a yoga company specifically for pregnant women and it all seemed great because they were hiring teachers, but the catch is you have to pay 6k for training and to be part of the franchise which I just can't afford. In the past I tried to set up my own dance classes but nobody came so I kind of gave that up. I've been trying for years to get my music career going but I'm terrible at persevering and I get discouraged extremely easily. I know I have talent and a lot of great ideas I just have no clue how to implement or achieve them and it's really depressing me. Any advice would be much appreciated. ",2.751037924151696,4.779390371257485,4.4382275449101805,83.07239121756491,76.42514970059881,7.806626746506986,24.90578842315369,8.648137234880735,1.8494274650698603,660,23,130,14,15,222,110,167,0.091,0.763,0.146,0.8922,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,2,8,7,0,0,8,0,14,0,0,1,1,29,30,18,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,1,5,2,2,5,3,3,0,0,5,1,17,4,19,20,5,19,0,2,1,0,5,5,0,4,8,88,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779317587766075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237278841151374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196837436027914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091112713423328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809500303173525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567282972166178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670775227988618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351917192842594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949176149593575,0.0,0.0,0.1901160385049729,0.0,0.10340273826743804,0.0,0.0,0.40118691291770586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539217317418504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946625657552324,0.09999144190194632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278679663282851,0.0,0.0,0.15468193860881388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337494774594453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702718375350986,0.17368574934070186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655772626905175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33126923220903953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087524033518605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609277374204942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470555166330433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146300933538018,0.0,0.1459441777163833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245710452963602,0.0,0.0,0.12924751009265026,0.0,0.0,0.11716571030693873 bpd,throwmcthrowerson,2018/01/06,"I seem to have gotten worse, despite therapy, DBT and getting older I'm 29 now. I've done a lot of therapy, and did a whole DBT course. When I'm upset about something, I tend to think, ""Meh, fuck this"" if I'm implored by a DBT hand-out to do something to distract myself or practice mindfulness. Worse - I do it, see I'm still being ignored after a reasonable amount of time passes, and then I'm more angry at myself - at least when I assumed the worst, I didn't have the additional feelings of foolishness and humiliation from having the audacity of hope and being newly disappointed. On the contrary, with CBT for OCD, I actually want to do it, and it helps tremendously. The other thing is I feel I'm too far gone in my crazy person ways to change. Probably how criminals feel - that you'll never be part of normal society again, so why not commit more crimes, because you're screwed anyway. I've got a whole fleet of guys who think I'm a crazy stalker, and last year I got a restraining order from one - my first brush with the law; my first objective ""she's crazy"" branding. I'm 29 now. Nothing's really improved since I was 19. From what I've read, BPD symptoms are meant to get better over time. Any ideas on how to develop a more positive mindset? ",5.052474696356278,5.706794801619433,6.148033906882593,78.48010754048585,68.59514170040487,9.251923076923076,30.41725708502025,9.354420925462401,2.622101417004049,984,37,190,19,16,329,153,247,0.196,0.738,0.066,-0.9853,0,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,3,12,9,2,2,14,0,16,3,0,3,2,35,42,15,0,4,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,10,0,2,10,1,0,2,3,7,0,3,9,5,16,2,29,29,10,27,0,1,1,2,6,7,2,6,16,118,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.1293942804306617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016962595974412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082911075373267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727012535369845,0.0,0.0,0.16699964808375686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026867379691155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569144194774438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113311674945766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255716770205382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258259219057233,0.13855156582964964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209779547189087,0.0,0.0,0.131290594120936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887610572815936,0.0,0.0,0.13169745298369415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968441077470446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808319647958524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272812629775215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388386275753045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226598157549206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991563767523925,0.1272291545926791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985028097230037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435882266152986,0.0,0.0,0.11577745471374964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296059594166638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263158677971235,0.0,0.08494420360909416,0.1363304680083311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566160926193846,0.12071014942946978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968453696774327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415730272661714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589110089372422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378177069629081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303269487849588,0.0,0.08809069424217557,0.16992394692609333,0.0,0.0,0.15463524319950722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820838194973033,0.1052482984092544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196469993677932,0.2960767376149845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27025270170478305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538728637639299 bpd,AbsyntheMinded_,2018/01/06,"i feel lost today That imaginary abandonment is creeping back in. My current partner was texting other girls for a while to ""keep his options open"" at the start of our relationship. It had stopped before i found out and i did follow up on it and it doesnt appear to have started up again, but i think about it constantly... I love him and other than that one thing hes perfect. Hes funny, understanding and does so much for me. [hes basically my house wife while i go to work] But hes somewhat distant with me for a day, and not even all that distant and im straight away assuming hes going to leave, hes found someone else, he doesnt love me anymore... its so painful staying in a long term relationship when youre own insecurities make you mentally separate over and over... the upside is i get to fall back in love with them over and over but still. Ive felt so lost lately. I feel like my life has no meaning and the only thing of value now is this relationship. I cut ties with my family because of the abuse but that leaves me with no one if this goes down the shitter. Which is why i stayed with the abuse for so long... all this hanging over my head is tiggering the suicidal ideation again. I just dont want to deal with it anymore. I dont want to die but when no one will listen to me what other option do i have. I used to believe i was bi-polar because i woud experience high moods that were so incredible. I felt so alive and free and powerful. but its been maybe 8 months since ive felt anything but empty or depressed. All the weight i lost trying to get myself on track and show myself some love. Ive put back on binge eating trying to give myself just something to actually enjoy. Id self harm if it werent for my partner. I dont think he'd appreciate me slicing at myself. Work also put a fucking investigation against me because i was smashing my targets and thats apparently suspicious when no one else was [bear in mind its a call center that ive been at 2.5 years and everyone else had been there less than 6 months and some had only started this week] jokes on them, 100% compliance. I simply just exist. I am not a character in my own life. Im just sorta here.",2.7735135135135143,4.458418873873876,4.265225225225226,85.85635135135135,75.35135135135134,7.142342342342343,25.513513513513516,7.917944638633933,1.3879540540540545,1716,60,357,26,37,571,214,444,0.149,0.7190000000000001,0.132,-0.0775,4,0,1,0,2,1,49.0,1,2,2,7,25,20,2,1,14,0,39,11,1,2,4,70,74,37,2,4,16,1,6,1,2,1,3,1,0,4,27,23,2,3,12,2,1,8,11,10,0,4,20,7,59,10,52,52,11,64,0,5,0,5,31,26,1,11,29,251,86,2,0.0,0.17779062498534548,0.07321601186558359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999946031034091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488142282718061,0.0,0.0,0.06174123528394156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049080091365156,0.173074536487539,0.0,0.1372081929510274,0.0,0.06384287185298355,0.08453029390148248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661146054475007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107806763711348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838652713546746,0.0773500524675559,0.06462107114439934,0.0,0.07786669406210325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656570661098561,0.0,0.2637949946225773,0.0,0.0,0.07677185759168978,0.1880275332156802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955495257009418,0.0,0.0,0.07169198630550991,0.0,0.07339128634842611,0.07072924461565601,0.0,0.07587231116902103,0.05359965712040681,0.21611448204242314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452755048551673,0.0,0.0693617097638899,0.07839753854664977,0.07197320938220053,0.08527970836020306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699985487358975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927066732091691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657165536309594,0.0,0.0,0.16208513786200815,0.0,0.0,0.0666878844894041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463428185585563,0.15888656729413214,0.0,0.0,0.10598827649942312,0.03665464406750904,0.0,0.0,0.13279394345456974,0.0,0.0,0.24570411966382194,0.0,0.27086097251597624,0.0,0.050081435231363686,0.0,0.07537520268805471,0.08172693666325571,0.0,0.0,0.07561006788335227,0.0,0.07575638159306686,0.0,0.11977246074220847,0.0,0.05515384129175852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336228822167024,0.1141235809956253,0.07983454406667055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084670957543225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416543527743569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827003973733139,0.0,0.0,0.06206351883076248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357055268569706,0.05775983084077459,0.0,0.0,0.15931454048808094,0.1599386529966933,0.0599170540899539,0.06272634497916489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206790161730705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968986717830676,0.0961491781010712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111729212882581,0.0,0.0,0.10187748777384112,0.0,0.0,0.07810626784631534,0.0,0.0647996660173799,0.0,0.0,0.08850632039934696,0.0,0.0601825305647739,0.09136327587585336,0.0,0.0,0.06770064407976722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924181925732827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483152466376137 bpd,Monarch0122,2018/01/06,"Healing /success /recovery stories? Can anyone who has ""gotten better"" even if it's a bit or completely recovered share their stories here? I'm sure there are many out there. Sometimes some hope is needed. I know a lot of people recover differently, and I'd like to know your story. Also could we manage to make a megathread for posts like those (managing bpd or recovery)?",4.877549019607844,7.356135970588234,5.6623529411764775,74.65225490196082,71.64705882352942,8.650980392156864,30.450980392156865,9.2995712137729,3.2312568627450986,298,13,47,7,6,97,58,68,0.0,0.773,0.227,0.9339,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,1,2,5,7,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,15,12,5,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,5,10,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,6,2,31,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331375868497136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902530437471755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137931565865055,0.2639097811772276,0.0,0.3044541975629084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534524066560634,0.0,0.0,0.19300409648205666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525594902299049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596623385148905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24009537043527085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26570022303148033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23619702514986501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055127159162589,0.0,0.0,0.16135862614157995,0.24507927730031984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924192491370258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675871956328067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151335201346845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23908007594935524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278304515432026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shostavel,2018/01/06,"It’s easy to forget I have BPD. I generally stay away from this subreddit because there is generally sooo much negativity, and I try to distance myself from things like that as best I can. Sorry :( Anyway, I do check in occasionally. Y’all have me cracking up tonight because I relate SO MUCH to everything said. It’s just kinda hilarious that this stupid disorder is so accurate in its character. My personal case is not super extreme, admittedly. So generally I go through life just thinking that my actions/thoughts/emotions are me. But then I read stories from people with BPD and re-remember, “shit, like my entire life is explained by this lol.” Anyway, a bit ramble-y as it’s almost 4 AM. But I was too tickled not to share. Fuck BPD tho",3.840470392916437,6.305079079136692,5.4735251798561135,74.86432208079692,74.75539568345323,8.305700055340344,30.83619258439402,9.057496981413335,3.0747682346430545,588,28,102,14,13,199,94,139,0.16,0.703,0.13699999999999998,-0.3668,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,11,8,3,0,1,1,11,4,1,0,0,18,17,11,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,11,3,0,0,3,1,1,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,16,5,16,15,4,8,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,2,4,77,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607478882563622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082348369529333,0.0,0.0,0.19571553908865866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846662638265014,0.0,0.17525749029448334,0.0,0.6065468093279633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839816101590031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057495977339225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427426585688796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840765839029813,0.0,0.0,0.09123305833310164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226774570373865,0.1568539735743612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23601645533834015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112914844651869,0.14016884976411711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057372315936852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818495153015201,0.0,0.15270105866204686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647820269599694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970050720322775,0.0,0.17110392072323774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664918586590674,0.10286132238309076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089895235762573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BasedDG,2018/01/06,"Thank you all who actively voice your problems, and try to help others on this sub. I've known about this place, but because of a misdiagnosis, and me actively trying to lie to myself about who I really am I hadn't visited until 2 days ago. After braking up with my ex 3 days in after getting her back for the 20th time, and making myself look like a liar by going back on my word on how much I changed (I genuinely thought I could handle it and have learned a lot) I've accepted I'm not ""normal"" and need help. I don't want to do this anymore I don't want to continue ruining my own life, and the life of people who care about me (or so they say lol). I did it over jealousy, and suspicions that I am 80% sure are not valid. When she came to get her stuff she found me self harming (most likely was worried I was suicidal) with a switch blade in my hand. Yikes. Of course I regret it, and want her more than anything, but It scared her. After 3 years she can't keep doing this with me while she's going through a lot herself. I want to change mostly for her which might be bad, but also for myself for the first time. I hope regardless of why I do it i'll come out a better person . Anyway sorry for venting, and sorry if this post seems pointless. Opening up is hard, I either do it too much or not enough even when it's ""anonymous."" just wanted to thank you for helping me learn more about myself and realize it's not just me. ",3.300216303470542,4.197236267796612,4.5285714285714285,87.61531073446329,72.76271186440678,7.381759483454398,24.556093623890234,7.62386473244151,1.040168684422922,1109,31,239,13,21,366,167,295,0.141,0.7240000000000001,0.135,0.2773,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,1,2,16,16,1,1,9,1,19,3,1,2,2,62,42,23,1,13,13,1,2,2,0,1,2,2,0,2,20,17,0,2,8,0,0,5,8,7,0,1,7,5,43,9,41,32,12,34,0,2,1,0,25,11,0,10,19,178,63,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160571722082952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166337958737583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367448159971168,0.0,0.0,0.09432435319839064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627488483961304,0.0957047989880294,0.06987266556462836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101374073933909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109732925993206,0.11686503283170137,0.0,0.2425103045675396,0.09873692729383796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151654738959167,0.0,0.0,0.14784374995349067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118435434624455,0.0,0.07570692143515947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749763545790696,0.0,0.12567739138593406,0.0,0.0,0.11977079955965785,0.0,0.13028494319930967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026790304921601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304866534218349,0.0,0.0,0.11384576673222994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188153090400004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192218347177273,0.11199729248968453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962538297072398,0.0,0.0,0.19489549235616904,0.0,0.0,0.07651124833704331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159610382631765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685210988191843,0.08499095311736822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230547779443714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946464251573221,0.10008373589293948,0.11975586517390333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097764401743336,0.0,0.0,0.10967802235948608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342995456816706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115222143170362,0.11475687787087625,0.0,0.0,0.10434780022557852,0.11957601494501227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25662047071116445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121506410255818,0.12537814805294353,0.0,0.10803012317090373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105755330026946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099727068891757,0.13367432267693455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556419805264875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33803589235156023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103428760933771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164044685170507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381297714169564 bpd,someonesnrime,2018/01/06,"Alyssa from 'The End of The F***ing World' Shows BPD Traits? [Watch on Netflix](https://www.netflix.com/watch/80175729) **The End of the F✷✷✷ing World** presents a couple of teenagers, James (self-presenting as a psychopath) and Alyssa. James wants to kill her new companion, whilst Alyssa wants to leave their neighbourhood. [Episode spoilers (Hover over for spoiler)](/s ""Later, the two become partners in crime eventually killing a sexual predator."") It is my observation that Alyssa shows some emerging Emotionally Unstable Personality (BPD) traits. She has risky impulsive behaviour, past possible neglect, fractured self-image and emotional regulation as well as problems with interpersonal relationships. *What do you think about my observations?* 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bpd,throwawaybreaks,2018/01/06,"probems deaing with my FP when im sober I dont reallly know what to do and if this is bpd anxiety or what. my wife was out tonght drinking and doing coke with a friend who... is not the best influence. i got uneasy about it and asked her to go back to the flat since she isnt a habitual drug user and has been caught off guard a few times. theres the problem that she doesnt reaize me not testing men not to roofie and rape her (that may have happened once since we got together, she doesnt exacty remember). on top of this im recenty sober and a week out of a relape. a ´so called friend who once gave me a to of clonopin and cava then had sex with me that i dont remember a few years back. i dont do clonopin. i had a 24 hour backout. somehow the other day i decided to go help this friend cook dinner, i remember her getting pushy, i was out of painmeds, she gave me clonopin, and the only things i remember for the next 24 hours was her being annoyed at me and trying to leave but i was too incapacitated. so im not in a good state, even for me. at 2am i asked her to go home, because the bar she was at is famous for rapists and she was pretty much alone. by three i was saying i need her to go home, by five i was flipping out and sending pages long messages because she was telling me her being out drinking doesnt affect me. well.... it did. and when i say to her it opens old wounds from my first marriage, she used to get drunk and come home with other mens cum on and in her, while i worked two bar jobs full time sober. i trust my wife, but behaviours like these aggravate healing wounds she thinks i just think shes gonna cheat on me. i gotta stay sober, i gotta keep working on me. was i out of line was she what the hell is anything, im gonna go cry for a 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bpd,rav_9,2018/01/06,BPD chat Room So i have bpd and no one here knows what bpd mean or even care to know and I didn’t find anyone having the same disorder and sometimes I just want to talk with people who understand and feel the same things so is there a bpd 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bpd,DaisyDee85,2018/01/06,Unrealistic expectations of love My current go to play list is a 50/60s mix and it's mostly poppy love songs (Herman's hermits I'm looking at you) and it's made me wonder if all these love songs we cling to make us look for something that's unobtainable. Thoughts? ,6.6201282051282035,6.690085884615389,7.054615384615384,75.3570512820513,65.15384615384616,9.241025641025642,32.717948717948715,8.841846274778883,2.556594871794872,214,8,41,3,3,70,43,52,0.0,0.737,0.263,0.9432,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,1,11,12,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,4,5,10,2,3,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,3,1,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360714816635534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424384818227252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6841763280009702,0.2390973884728222,0.16866971587840102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452985346947047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060427880090706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30394987301560594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740269423935261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ClementineAshbrie,2018/01/06,"Relationship Success and Silver Linings So I got engaged a few weeks ago to my partner of 11 years. I just wanted to share that because I see a lot of people on here asking about relationship success ...and in regards to the friendships that haven't survived, well at least my wedding will be cheap AF! :P",7.969942528735629,7.303367603448278,7.818965517241383,73.43925287356323,62.620689655172406,9.11264367816092,40.022988505747115,7.793537801064563,3.3402919540229883,243,12,42,2,3,78,47,58,0.067,0.6559999999999999,0.277,0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,5,5,9,4,3,6,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,3,31,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263297704438335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27768140486139475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810657209984502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375606999828727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25252287541669216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592205370620573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6377945613367271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23669313301193176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519501246271169,0.0,0.23825822031148156,0.0,0.2670641520609602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912765144595973 bpd,SadSherryTree,2018/01/06,"Broke up with my boyfriend My boyfriend or now ex of 3 years is borderline. I read a lot about borderline to help him and support him the best I could. We even went to his therapist together for a few sessions to make sure I understood and could help him go through all the emotions as a couple. Or try to understand what he was going through. He's someone who needs the love of many women. Like all the love I have for him is never gonna be enough to fill his glass. So we opened our relationship a year ago when I moved out of town to study. Our relationship turned into a long distance one. Seeing each other every 2 weeks. Arranging for phone calls and skype dates. We placed some ground rules and he followed them. But as time passed, his glass never felt full enough. He craved the love of more and more women. To the point where he would go out almost every night. Drink and meet girls on tinder. Only for sex. Tonight, I told him I had enough and I wanted to do a Skype date with him. He begged me to wait. He wanted to go and have sex with a new girl he met on Instagram. He explained to me that he was lonely and needed to be touched. He was feeling suicidal. And being touched was the only thing he needed. I told him to go. He left me no choice but to say yes. He used all the arguments in his book. Like a child, he didn't wanna hear the word no I said yes. Even if it hurt me to do so. I texted him while he was out and I told him it was over. I explained that while I'm loving and caring and his promise ring meant everything to me, I told him that his constant need to be loved was too much for me and he needed to work on his issues before we could get married. He stayed at the bar talking to that girl and he replied to my texts. But I just feel like his borderline and his fear of being alone is why he's acting the way he does. Am I right? What am I missing about his and the connection with borderline? Thanks for your help everyone. I'm sorry if my post doesn't belong here ",1.4434685230024231,3.4435480653753032,2.551035714285714,95.16287318401942,80.45278450363196,5.776489104116223,19.768099273607746,6.853354925485097,0.09349496368038723,1553,39,351,17,40,494,204,413,0.069,0.795,0.13699999999999998,0.9833,1,3,1,0,0,0,38.0,6,1,1,2,12,19,0,1,20,2,28,9,0,2,6,72,75,31,1,14,8,1,5,3,0,2,0,4,0,6,11,31,2,1,8,4,0,11,6,5,0,1,19,10,55,14,53,46,15,52,0,4,1,7,81,20,0,7,21,223,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259390293820148,0.0,0.08200480035146902,0.08481726773766372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968558284747481,0.0,0.08594247932117373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362271504877074,0.0,0.0834961760253691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849809282467606,0.0,0.19615658075618747,0.09061392010615094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166580680230926,0.0,0.0,0.08022473612582166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211949024845432,0.0,0.253854527503168,0.0,0.10818015081709084,0.0,0.13799809890403136,0.07825302506279982,0.07360085719185551,0.0,0.0,0.09215328067978927,0.08281592090615073,0.05850493936835328,0.07863088029407826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042786124816026366,0.0,0.23271063823022936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230025228884374,0.0,0.16467504196334198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766899510731481,0.0,0.0,0.08547583925145294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897784158488903,0.0,0.0,0.1200275063656178,0.0,0.0,0.07247342639563488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962317102908204,0.3695617105045607,0.0,0.054664740207368084,0.08302744851134568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704013762300569,0.06020135788289576,0.3036160351005635,0.12632307764755982,0.07909353192283483,0.0,0.07685177352772364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055493350990526366,0.12456783392568348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556157951053242,0.0,0.07741610120690284,0.0,0.07843161252035491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191595082341561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584656341367658,0.0,0.06993684851759918,0.07789974701918674,0.06512522814865787,0.0,0.0,0.06525874716857308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938834183462378,0.0,0.0,0.0916733922672553,0.0,0.08728788297290341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957851348605961,0.09293210149999574,0.07718392714876511,0.0,0.0,0.06582312567816985,0.0,0.07539679831871256,0.0,0.09508500122562212,0.05440659463365765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775292705551548,0.0,0.0,0.3130121002511993,0.0,0.05560050721797874,0.08907692625714007,0.0,0.08525432269784562,0.0,0.07072993998674257,0.0,0.0,0.09660615733133897,0.06500347802563894,0.06569025793983367,0.0,0.0,0.0759163630481001,0.07389640698983609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059619653888656185,0.0,0.0,0.05817499820079738,0.0,0.0,0.1054738305042042 bpd,Fictionland,2018/01/06,"I have no meds, no doctor, and no options left. Guess I'll die. I've been looking for a new psychiatrist since August. I spent 4 paniced months pouring over my insurance company's website and I finally found one that was willing to see me. I had no other options and was on the last refill my old psych gave me so I made the appointment despite the fact that the office was 3 hours away in a major city notorious for traffic issues and wrecks. Problem is, I have severe anxiety, and driving is one of my big fears. I'm prone to having panic attacks in heavy traffic or if I get lost. I only recently got comfortable enough to take the interstate to the next town over, and to get to the office I'd have to take the interstate almost the whole way and cross six lanes of traffic to get to the exit. I knew there was no way I could just drive there myself, so I asked someone else to drive me to the intake appointment. I thought knowing where I was going would make it easier for me to drive myself next time. WRONG. It was my worst fucking nightmare. We were almost hit 4 times. Fast forward to today, my appointment is on Monday and I've been living in fear of the drive since last November. Then, someone reminds me theres a huge event going on in the city I need to drive to and the traffic is going to be insane. Also it's going to rain and its looking increasingly like the rain is going to turn to ice. I can't drive in those conditions, there's no way. Best case scenario I wind up stranded on the side of the road begging for someone to come get me. Worst case I fucking kill somebody. I'm not risking it, so I called the office to reschedule the appointment. I figured it would be a few weeks out at most, and they could call me in at least my Wellbutrin and Lithium so I didn't spiral into suicidal depression in the interim. Like my old psychiatrist. WRONG AGAIN. No appointments available until February 22nd, and no they're not going to call in anything for me. Sucks to suck. I only made an appointment with them because I was desperate to avoid medication withdrawals. An appointment more than two months after I run out of meds doesn't help me at all, so I told them to take me off their rosters. Now I'm right back to fucking square one, except now I'm completely out of medication, have no one else to call, and don't even have a PCP to ask for help. The only psychiatrists left in a 50 mile radius are self pay. I can't pay $150+ for a 15 minute med check on top of the $80+ for the meds themselves and $200 a month for my insurance, so I guess in the spirit of good ole American healthcare I get to drop dead. It's the only option I can afford.",3.480754742547425,4.829730205555556,4.777326106594399,84.27004065040651,72.87037037037038,7.712737127371273,27.05962059620596,8.25429008570747,1.7495352303523033,2101,75,423,33,41,697,255,540,0.177,0.77,0.053,-0.9962,1,1,0,0,0,0,53.0,1,0,4,3,18,25,7,6,35,0,36,6,0,3,2,53,82,26,4,7,6,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,11,22,0,1,5,0,4,18,16,20,0,6,22,4,53,5,78,52,12,89,1,2,4,3,16,40,5,10,31,276,64,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389682238718068,0.0,0.0,0.05549119810103055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308319849897633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057102098925930676,0.0,0.12974065999837575,0.07894119961242133,0.06519423637424912,0.05335666543664337,0.0,0.04229953056659767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728205766931609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834199982405713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059773384060388735,0.07275414746786962,0.0,0.0,0.11080461758181977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976554858705325,0.0,0.07201591686530223,0.0,0.0,0.07102365672119539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593296606504234,0.0,0.0,0.07169847101985337,0.0,0.045831473745445175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616619618781855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601340827089201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608260849219327,0.0,0.19244994991084094,0.18126718638898887,0.0,0.2366157878489383,0.05820108194642312,0.055497562072690014,0.0,0.15288192686916624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302137598278187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833522191785696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242518434174625,0.0,0.0,0.07676980959104777,0.0,0.038134956901218514,0.11312430461231245,0.0,0.0,0.1507849852204111,0.0,0.0,0.06780094703359678,0.0,0.0612726856399891,0.0,0.11654033172922452,0.0,0.07574743677127467,0.0,0.0,0.13131708662251404,0.046318397352793514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083068117651751,0.13980635081150786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661594282277645,0.0,0.0,0.05145184300929722,0.0,0.0670173429113623,0.1475942112705334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562637011242752,0.0,0.1880819754647466,0.21109704014906885,0.0,0.16282854605270966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639690674156319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851430332660206,0.0,0.0,0.05925872375779924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529488607524817,0.0,0.07238895580017778,0.07839100567023488,0.0,0.11480033321870765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638189314843047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590145249351488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651804622971155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05508794894081414,0.08092379262119691,0.0,0.06577365405484112,0.06630516664247002,0.0,0.0,0.0754764487984813,0.06778399630854683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652357761008422,0.05566051275323912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747151302308003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858540157479384,0.15173425379341834,0.0,0.0 bpd,lil_moni,2018/01/06,"Ways to make ammends with your fp after you lashed out at her for the first time Psa : you don't need to tell me what I did was bad, I already know and feel regret, disgust and shame towards myself. Oh yeah, and [tw: emotional abuse, self-harm] It's now nighttime where I am. Yesterday, at night, around 2 or 3 am I was really spiraling with paranoia, depressive and suicidal thoughts and I was really in need of some support, it was like that first time you do drugs when you're out of rehab. So I reached my fp. But she's currently doing an exchange program (we're not in uni). We're in a 3h timezone difference.so she was asleep. But I really needed some help so I kept asking her for it and I started to get so sk angry she wasn't there and told her that. I won't dive into the monologue I had, but I sent her pictures of my last self harm episode, which was the day before and lied to he telling I did it thinking about her. Then I started hyperventilating and went full on panic attack and told her it was her fault i was even having it. Then those feelings of abandonment I think we all know here really made me paranoic, to the point of telling her she should leave me so i can stop being a nuisance for her an even threatened to do it for her by offing myself. Anyways, I know how I was really toxic and abusive so what do you think I should do to make things better? We haven't had the chance to talk about cause when the opportunity arrived I had another panic attack, so she then called me and helped me get out of it for about 2 hours. But we haven't properly had the talk and we would later today but she said she's not ready to so besides apologising over and over again, which I am already doing, how can I help her get better so she can really forgive it and we can keep our relationship? I love her and I'm really terrified she'll leave me cause it would really and completely shred me to pieces. So help me please /rbpd",3.1193057147535623,4.58479889847716,4.311444244309811,86.78899214016704,73.9746192893401,7.5204191910921905,24.38480432290814,8.155646560271837,1.278865171115113,1522,46,321,24,31,499,184,394,0.185,0.716,0.099,-0.99,1,0,1,0,1,0,38.0,6,5,0,5,25,19,3,3,11,1,40,4,1,7,1,69,71,39,1,8,8,0,2,1,0,6,2,1,0,1,18,29,0,4,10,0,1,2,7,12,0,2,24,3,68,7,43,40,5,43,0,3,0,1,52,17,0,3,24,235,86,1,0.0,0.20266352745013225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875536505889087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896792016848542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613434841989128,0.07995324417853543,0.19459142595505352,0.0,0.0,0.07140883285957207,0.0,0.0,0.07277448748120934,0.0,0.0,0.15127777036020634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873294013021522,0.0,0.0,0.1757130816413159,0.0,0.0,0.08967011756488022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055155800656776235,0.0,0.07366155682736028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918050070107393,0.0,0.0,0.09620280717942584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297537754093705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648684495358118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549306676853238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340480273348049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229299304870742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422375351044496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601751728992233,0.0,0.0,0.14100499508323228,0.06971334313628795,0.0,0.18111479272276465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041782627541597034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771886033686896,0.08092472391981967,0.11417565267673804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902445278577824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025832893933707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006875948056866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387949240572226,0.0808476711812412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383100875265464,0.0,0.0,0.09182059620403978,0.0,0.0,0.08135275522693874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844003133615258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106842623478295,0.0,0.0,0.07150175853523925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354919829751866,0.09705143848788213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748164368875976,0.22425481353624047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056818238124355824,0.16440066733271427,0.0,0.06789637470650672,0.09973927605080347,0.0,0.08106659890934831,0.16344338556410162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788484223725409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928145516634799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150736222009567,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Eve666,2018/01/06,"Getting off seroquel I've been on meds for about 10-11 years and about 4-5 of those I've been on 100mgs of seroquel. I don't want to get into every sobby detail of my life but I will say that I've come A LONG WAY. I once thought I'd be dead by 30 (I'm 35) I recently graduated from college with honors and moved to a new city which I really love. After being estranged from my mother for 8 years (who was the reason for my bpd but I don't want to get into that ) we have been slowly mending things and she even purchased a new wardrobe for me so that I have new clothes for my new job which I really love (finally closing the door to working in retail for good 😩🙂) Anyways with all of these good things after lots of thought I have decided that I have gotten the benefits of being on medication and I'm ready to get off them. My dr lowered my 100mg dose to 50mg last Thursday. On Sunday I was sick with a cold and had a fever so I did the reg stuff one is supposed to get better. Today I noticed that while I'm no longer coughing, my BODY still feels sickly. I'm hardly eating and I just feel a bit out of it and a lil nauseous. I also am getting slight chills Could these be symptoms or withdrawal? I see my dr on the 25th so she can lower my dose to 25mg (after a month of being on 50mg) Are there things I can do to help the withdrawal symptoms? I just started my new job and I do not want to fuck that up. Today I left early because I was not feeling well but I'm in the clear because my boss remembered how much I was coughing the other day. I am still working my retail job part time along with my new 9-5 till I move into my new apartment in late feb so I need to keep it together for this tiring schedule. Once I'm off this I'll only be on a low dose of aderall but that's it and I'm really excited but scared. ",2.0097900923593635,2.96496506297229,4.0460629722921935,89.62432535684297,75.95214105793451,6.703912678421495,24.064567590260285,7.03164865440522,0.764313585222502,1418,43,323,14,30,487,195,397,0.08199999999999999,0.787,0.131,0.9763,5,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,1,0,1,4,16,12,1,1,17,0,31,20,1,3,2,50,61,23,1,5,10,1,4,0,0,1,15,1,1,0,23,21,1,1,8,0,3,3,5,3,1,1,12,7,44,9,59,41,5,57,0,1,1,3,10,22,1,2,31,212,67,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658477726061148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003881684091084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282359649627022,0.08989464266641768,0.09146187831927738,0.10370514187130174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092916239329401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574229348005081,0.0,0.0,0.05310289491831866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842550215468412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054385209991296764,0.0,0.06937553267035933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490169079313407,0.0,0.0,0.09020013613194104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612258624460956,0.2581174862772486,0.0,0.0,0.13812682877959884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376103174135265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519118907894309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451311117471,0.0731881358720205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711860386195262,0.09288381791270388,0.0,0.08946333615948379,0.0,0.058159622551181414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286886704344835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000305967549808,0.14863126796349824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146187831927738,0.08294952273661499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657235058335056,0.17503011879886124,0.06052983778434965,0.06105453431503403,0.0,0.5566756594552632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374535377944657,0.0,0.17538016873390355,0.05579614234118281,0.06262376004322398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916687899078585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582485493982787,0.08465988215193182,0.0813014391490077,0.0,0.09327588321402533,0.0,0.0,0.06548057442782397,0.08243733575005399,0.0,0.06561482197473667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582811222003541,0.0,0.1315146680498916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942603223055501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116688588227055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411036877175622,0.0,0.0,0.13073852644477774,0.048013483915442835,0.0946384421708063,0.15609858009520994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569991204210112,0.06535815999307157,0.0,0.0,0.07403411569371786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988991961474485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604933302887114 bpd,nightmoon_22,2018/01/06,"Why am I like this Why am I always seeking love and care? Why am I always filled with expectations, only to be hurt and disappointed? Why am I always binge eating when stressed? Why am I scared to be hurt, only to come back and find friends and be hurt again? I hope someday my heart will be at peace. ",1.7212021857923503,3.8444657377049225,2.8831967213114744,92.4994398907104,80.14754098360656,5.3781420765027335,20.002732240437158,6.42735559955562,0.0010961748633881996,234,6,51,2,6,75,35,61,0.227,0.525,0.248,0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,2,0,0,10,3,1,0,0,9,14,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,5,5,9,0,6,0,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536399530141973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893474168097876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444102090486366,0.0,0.0,0.12203532770892753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496278848717425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129482929624746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945314348213127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678784862325332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070931547318727,0.0,0.0,0.4549788897334621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692123335518475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127861833424342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549136691800605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183541641061126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622813986689439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6391713354375765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CanaryButt,2018/01/06,"Has anyone else ever had a crisis from thinking their FP/boyfriend was mad or ignoring them? It happened with my boyfriend, turned out he was just in a low mood and busy with friends and couldn't reply much. My mind spiraled and I analyzed everything bad about our relationship and totally broke down. I called my Dad as a last resort when I was on an overpass and he had to walk me home through the phone. I even considered that if the relationship ended, I'd just get a sugar daddy cause then I'd have validation AND money. Then my boyfriend got home and everything is going better than it has the last while and I feel so full of shame. I was CONVINCED he was going to break up with me and he hated me. God I still feel like an idiot. Has something similar happened to anyone else?",2.4365909090909104,4.9118628376623406,3.4118019480519486,87.74484577922081,79.71428571428572,6.447402597402598,23.910714285714285,7.6454224807358475,1.2531311688311693,623,22,122,10,16,199,98,154,0.177,0.74,0.083,-0.9508,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,2,1,8,13,3,1,9,0,13,1,0,1,2,26,24,17,0,2,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,13,1,1,3,0,1,3,1,8,0,0,8,3,17,4,17,15,3,20,0,2,0,0,13,7,0,2,10,83,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540930885966994,0.3156535376298973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286125532489701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362311881927747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572866664444883,0.0,0.0,0.1582360834378564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25735247867604016,0.0,0.13642903783837607,0.0,0.0,0.1017384767258423,0.13933321865120676,0.0,0.0,0.27687293980857114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557691605715251,0.11004243139460786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900683894838987,0.0,0.08047678120072606,0.0,0.17508295688344855,0.0,0.12319563317194215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724247800812393,0.0,0.0,0.15207739146239707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090187573566291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511177034334542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525358130615631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555311521010626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323323921388853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307512767185989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858344930046548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123012322620819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869922592104406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754553807462189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mentatsandchill,2018/01/07,Is it possible to have a healthy relationship? I feel like I’ll never be able to no matter how hard I try. ,1.3169565217391297,2.8449817826086985,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,79.0,8.078260869565218,24.54347826086957,8.841846274778883,1.7208434782608697,83,3,19,2,2,30,20,23,0.151,0.586,0.264,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,12,3,0,0.3988351825646995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166305196109785,0.28492793411525896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572779843644422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485072425788336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076062802029851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44962674225434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281997261741372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707829087324653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,janinjastrikesagain,2018/01/07,"MBT Have any of you tried MBT (Mentally based treatment/therapy)? I think it's a great form of therapy since I lack skill in empathy (feeling and showing) and also have difficulties reading emotions and see consequences of my actions for other people. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated! -edit- I have had ³ years of DBT so I have decent control of my own emotions, also apologies for any errors, my English could use improvement",4.913928571428574,8.004511740259744,5.787126623376622,70.71497564935065,74.45454545454545,8.005844155844157,35.59902597402598,8.841846274778883,3.990144155844156,352,20,50,8,8,115,56,77,0.085,0.779,0.136,0.7257,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,2,0,11,12,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,2,8,8,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,36,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29018407084095826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701423186697577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034927206079168,0.14485961782320453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081757777388839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917380589977732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000614068777354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284195542314616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578291110876993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814822620402466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457874119773725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500833878494164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41496926938032425,0.0,0.0,0.11625504531651773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318120853233723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567000001066423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888491388480672,0.0,0.0,0.11683700887032195 bpd,ClarieBPD,2018/01/07,"Getting Older, Suicide On the Brain I'm going to turn 27 this month... I am three years away from 30 and have nothing to show for it. I've only ever had one job, had to drop out of highschool but never had the money to get my GED. Hell, I don't even know how to drive and honestly driving scares the fuck out of me. I'm in a state of dissociation that comes and goes throughout the day. I have intrusive thoughts constantly about killing myself, different, violent ways of doing it. When I'm in the car, I have my hand gripped on the door handle, fantasizing about jumping out in mid drive. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just too exhausted to do things or if I'm just lazy. I'm taking meds, have been for six years but they don't do much but make me sleepy. One of them got my body addicted so... I'm just tired. Making excuses probably. Hell, I don't know anymore. I'm getting older and older and older and I don't even feel in my 20s. I feel so fucking old. I've recently gotten into a weird thing where I change my clothes upto 3x a day and have began hallucinating. I've been to the hospital before and it was awful, made everything worse. Idk just want everything to end.",2.0732407759604428,4.03561109205021,3.853512742487638,86.7841413084823,78.24686192468619,7.023278813236972,23.83434766070749,8.00094639256281,1.3058351464435145,917,31,191,16,22,308,135,239,0.223,0.74,0.037000000000000005,-0.9945,2,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,2,0,15,10,6,1,10,1,19,8,3,4,2,36,49,18,2,3,10,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,7,13,0,0,6,1,1,7,5,9,0,4,11,4,19,1,29,38,1,40,2,0,0,2,3,13,4,4,17,117,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14613369799848616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294104429663553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594388044200872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140662173717686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488987309304047,0.0,0.14964353033690306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180655450636173,0.11547174036214905,0.0,0.14485984447057335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17290162431317008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005315487540498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872803369828472,0.0,0.0,0.1770768083467375,0.12125541117506615,0.0,0.0,0.2409500224334828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355588695670427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478531317145204,0.2101059307106308,0.0,0.0761833973698456,0.0,0.1072115989269662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302340502013424,0.0,0.14830586656751915,0.0,0.14734015519584448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684084036692034,0.17895811111209953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488987309304047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699700017907256,0.0,0.09854177713309976,0.0,0.10338720754876707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862407234039394,0.0,0.14066235887293588,0.0,0.1816707668393308,0.1019506549381776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452799040515515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235767004307478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420689471975958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257834371647734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662835228780818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078851136579796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811300978923728,0.0,0.0,0.10642029788292437,0.0,0.15407013496128347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458073193632495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906584469363523,0.10640222197211917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453709213571079,0.0,0.0,0.13660785205069306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264691469480334 bpd,cannibal-dog,2018/01/07,"Don't know how I've been trying to self manage my bpd with mindfulness and stuff (I can't afford therapy or I would) but my bf and I got in a huge fight and he keeps bringing up my past failures this year and telling me I'm acting like a bratty child and I'm ""not even trying to better myself"" but behind the scenes I've been trying lots of different methods to cope and I've successfully Not started fights in the past few months thanks to self dbt and now he's crashed the whole thing down by telling me I'm not even trying. I must be doing it wrong, of I've relapsed, or I don't know. I thought it was the little victories that helped get along but I guess none of the little things matter if I relapse into it. I don't know. Everything is so intense in my brain all the time and things come out of my mouth right after I think to myself ""I'm not going to say that"". I don't know how anymore ",2.321745200698082,3.5787025706806332,3.647204188481677,91.5933891797557,75.64921465968588,6.349877835951134,22.15741710296684,6.742157984588678,0.3791442233856892,705,18,158,6,15,231,107,191,0.067,0.81,0.122,0.8855,2,0,1,0,2,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,2,0,8,0,13,2,2,2,2,39,32,17,0,3,10,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,3,10,13,0,1,6,0,0,4,10,3,0,0,5,1,20,4,22,24,5,23,0,0,0,0,12,11,0,5,9,102,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180496863051652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754271008560667,0.0,0.0,0.16738782498869645,0.14836472006196225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448495230851274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388563011718782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755635612223365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194454666592806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943680875714073,0.0,0.07553235611789759,0.0,0.10629539964997796,0.0,0.14640864309077067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908269090387985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813110379616445,0.0,0.0,0.292162057795648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493013830178353,0.2664092704207109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129901535275578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419506475144433,0.0,0.1060826348008381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253743645315764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349921490844325,0.0,0.105690525413736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772955315387072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940700731611202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152143182572761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23232775461129246,0.12236006621932174,0.15198720637758026,0.0,0.26488636138107385,0.0851594605612225,0.0,0.1055108608355054,0.07749734003266212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609321295719405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483824717830098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944111260808248,0.1453095644673317,0.0,0.08558576207934873 bpd,LifeSucksThrowaway77,2018/01/07,"Will my friend ever forgive me? My friend stopped talking to me because she was struggling with an addiction. It messed me up that she didn't wanna talk to me so me being a stupid ass would get into episodes where I'm super emotional and just keep sending her messages on all the platforms we were friends on. I knew she wanted to be alone because she told me so from the start but I don't know. I was very selfish and I still am. She put up with me for 2 months until finally she had enough of me yesterday and blocked me off from everywhere. I'm kinda happy for her sake that she won't have to put up with me anymore but at the same time I'm very sad that I have no contact with her anymore... She was the greatest friend I ever had. If time goes will she forgive me and accept me as a friend again? I know what I did wrong and I regret every bit of it. I never meant to be this way to her.",2.6896825396825403,3.691440587301585,3.847486772486775,91.52297619047623,74.34391534391534,6.458201058201059,25.66931216931217,6.5431188927421005,0.7734169312169308,697,23,156,5,14,227,105,189,0.155,0.674,0.171,0.6553,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,8,17,1,1,7,0,19,2,1,0,4,35,31,12,0,5,4,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,0,7,11,0,3,7,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,11,0,38,10,27,13,5,27,0,2,0,1,27,10,1,2,13,120,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949023806199038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202370573300885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271989125469466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718444574100388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497087380658599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425103548238425,0.0,0.14169033293477248,0.0,0.0,0.2480810453869845,0.11553662310297295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502175007668874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297254542081407,0.0,0.07164394895532268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597577187474878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188605614076375,0.0,0.0,0.15072440633470846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945461072814347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105761904890614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27570391012901224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706021403360772,0.0,0.10951094752087487,0.11464551416157424,0.0,0.1433564169091845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043728785646813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992138961606162,0.0,0.0,0.13103209877747207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262906447863107,0.08088190545856391,0.10884617108027757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741210776846873,0.14992841989367905,0.0,0.0 bpd,I_hate_myself20,2018/01/07,"Is this what splitting is? So all my life I've been part of differemt friend groups. I just usually leave the group for reasons such as ""Oh they're just sick of me now. No one wants to be with me anymore."" Even though according to them everything was 'fine.' Recently I was really good friends with a lot of people this time. All of a sudden, idkw, I just started hating all of them. Now I don't want to see them all, especially my gf who isn't physically here where I live for now. I just don't want to talk to any of them and blocked them all. Then my gf contacted my mom, I got so enraged, everything they say enrages me. All memories about them enrage me.",1.3169829424307018,3.5304045149253724,3.0249466950959487,90.42298507462688,82.2089552238806,7.112153518123669,23.004264392324096,8.192908349453996,1.3228801705756932,511,18,112,11,14,169,82,134,0.173,0.758,0.069,-0.8925,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,7,0,15,8,4,0,3,0,9,2,0,1,6,19,16,6,0,3,4,1,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,4,2,22,4,17,11,8,10,0,0,1,0,18,1,0,1,9,81,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103863290236026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110082291420635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727267178139334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463621623544021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29775005171415725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162271457887065,0.1541151183916914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024558408832312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040352868978633,0.0,0.0,0.13610558004778864,0.0,0.0,0.17015246884566615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382167944554665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22568106497590665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305745461310839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866899153982493,0.0,0.13358986435332176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344480966223385,0.19812168411041456,0.1902622308863472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532381259269424,0.0,0.0,0.15355229303190368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638991442791118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548802623547387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932102854763647,0.0,0.11236151116138512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122253876833812,0.0,0.3409680147760713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,milfordcubicle93,2018/01/07,"New relationships I have been diagnosed since 2012 and have pretty much destroyed every good relationship I’ve had. I’m talking to someone currently and really like them and have been trying to take things slow, keep my emotions in check and not fuck it up. My bpd is a big part of my day to day life (unfortunately) and I want to know how to approach this with a new person. Do I give a really forward open explanation of what it is and how I struggle? I think the approach itself is probably the hardest part. ",7.833333333333336,6.877609707070711,8.342101010101015,70.5198181818182,63.04040404040404,11.556363636363635,35.961616161616156,10.793553405168565,3.780509494949495,407,16,76,9,5,136,66,99,0.055,0.816,0.13,0.7609999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,2,1,5,0,10,3,0,2,0,15,18,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,2,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,3,0,9,2,10,15,3,13,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,8,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566366355415606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086397370013502,0.0,0.0,0.1737992560177839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261559094188804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427232118614072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583033929899356,0.0,0.16426358704769106,0.0,0.1436232446733164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220095383936974,0.0,0.0,0.09410591800805322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094788208168575,0.08365645172930754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258769462666737,0.0,0.0,0.3307583954255227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708602185744563,0.0,0.0,0.14951522549328794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420688902137274,0.18461958584009727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21939421260144845,0.0,0.0,0.367683208359849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416468199133024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508630509033946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901131666262074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874691728315796,0.13763168050482766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376049029617336,0.10972005432395776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625688033634538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009984533827416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yellowbrickroad01,2018/01/07,"Why things never work out for me Why things never work out for me? It’s like everything in my life works out, I finally found stability and peace with myself, everything works well, except in the relationships field. It starts to feel like it’s me, something about me. I don’t know what it is that I do wrong, that everything I do goes wrong. Met this amazing guy and he was so into me and in less than two weeks he’s not so much anymore. It’s like, every time I start to like someone then it stops. As almost as if, like a game, people only like the chase. When I start liking someone I become super sweet, maybe I’m too much over the place, maybe once I’m taken for granted then the person sees they don’t want to be with me anymore. The people I liked it never worked out, always felt like they didn’t really want to be with me. Those I didn’t love, they chased me and I completely crushed them down. I just want for once for be able to fall in love without the fear of what I do might be wrong or not. I wonder how it feels when you meet someone with whom it does work then? I don’t want to play games, or worry if what I do is wrong. Love shouldn’t be about playing games. I also really like this person and I’m just sad things are going this way. I used to be borderline, now I can only tell sometimes I still act very borderline when I fall in love. I feel like pushing people away all the time, it takes time for me to build trust. It makes me want to decide to be alone and just stop trying. I feel like giving up on love. ",2.2538774038461544,3.679299940625004,3.3331250000000026,93.08706730769232,76.15625,6.2980769230769225,19.18269230769231,6.8449194561589275,-0.01937259615384645,1191,22,270,11,26,383,149,320,0.076,0.674,0.249,0.9951,0,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,4,7,17,30,0,1,8,0,23,6,0,3,4,52,55,22,0,8,11,0,5,12,0,2,1,0,0,3,24,15,0,2,9,5,0,5,12,6,1,1,7,7,39,24,43,39,4,43,0,1,1,5,24,16,0,7,33,174,63,6,0.06971580685217364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981031013501658,0.0722045507115849,0.0,0.05575170555205599,0.05800913611785381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827869440246035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550029544164365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699563137545774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309569708577257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061008772382869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873857409105041,0.0,0.18796821569267272,0.0,0.0,0.07844966485672415,0.1410016266803049,0.14941495903520916,0.06693810747654155,0.07637025872483884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643978381159408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687775450575745,0.03962109963548965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902960948719139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038313984220095534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049242336121041015,0.40871546095856576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31460618785456784,0.0,0.0465358424259381,0.0,0.14007779684867264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395745397255397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024982792797883,0.0,0.16130738426268154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849011803953566,0.0,0.10604402525130252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499648729774672,0.12174630695858332,0.07283817990741742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932346208952384,0.0,0.0,0.07484868614685745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555447192524151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720993072850724,0.053670634120960986,0.06895071560536509,0.0,0.1480356207457714,0.0,0.055675133407724835,0.1165710723912082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241761051362071,0.0,0.06093468803737238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894825285180012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195554284551005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733245658687578,0.0,0.06810221319163715,0.0,0.0,0.06021207325843037,0.0,0.057522841882983226,0.20560094577841884,0.05533716247555375,0.05592181506416986,0.0,0.06268288289192203,0.0,0.1258153441679942,0.0,0.0,0.0672035499911263,0.07560381865396687,0.3045236261978078,0.07079978594417842,0.0,0.0,0.30489316248857457,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdbearrug,2018/01/07,I'm suicidal again and I don't know what to do I'm in the UK. I called samaritans last night and it helped for about 20 minutes but it keeps coming back. All I wanna do is drink or get high. I think if I do either though I could spiral too easily and kill myself. I don't want to kill myself but it's all I can think of and it's all I want. I don't know if I should go to a&e or what. Don't know how to best get help atm,-1.4828454545454548,0.1717079700000017,1.407454545454545,101.16372727272729,89.3,4.836363636363637,13.090909090909092,6.11248444174946,-1.1659999999999997,327,4,89,3,11,114,55,100,0.17800000000000002,0.7020000000000001,0.12,-0.7241,0,0,1,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,2,0,1,0,11,1,0,1,3,27,25,12,3,7,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,5,1,1,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,13,1,9,23,5,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,4,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363794082880674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161463106431505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20692194272024225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201336693915576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698479374154751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742739053697288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19315544983683053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603054830003556,0.0,0.11205852503816016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643231447338296,0.2083251509550889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752573060459755,0.43628762265307897,0.0,0.3250850127486262,0.16072312210522874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503443704974412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567634751677686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25268226847420594,0.19372244864016144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325966612975417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rexconcrete,2018/01/07,"NYE i thought 2018 was gonna be great, I was so wrong. 7days in, FP abandoned me already. My FP abandoned me 5days ago, I guess I'm posting because I'm lost. I put everything in to her so I was nothing without her, I was crying non stop for first 3days along with my usual drug usage, just a lot more with opiates on top. I've cried past 2 days but it hasn't been constant (albeit past 2days I've been in hospital with only my phone, more on that in a min) and I'm realising how she was my FP but she was just a friend at best to me, she cut all contact and even banned me from my own mental health discord we set up together. So she has isolated me away from a groups of people I talked to. I was on a bridge the other night, I nearly jumped. I was on 40mg xanax (i have high tolerance but even that for me was barred af). So i didn't care but i wasn't paying attention, had my phone in one hand on discord messaging a person saying it's not worth it and saying goodbye to world and next thing all i feel is load of hands just grab me from the bridge outer railing and pull me over to the safe side, it was like woah I was feeling dizzy and then i just get high vis vests in my face, that's it, i felt someone grab my phone out my hand though as I was being pulled over. That's the last thing I remember before being on a hospital drip, because of my benzo abuse and even when I came to I was completely distressed they had no choice but to IV me diazepam, which I'm still on now. How did I let it get this bed, people had abandoned me and caused me isolation in this way before... she blocked me on whatsapp before all this happened etc, so although I'm in the UK and she is in the US, I still had her number tho, didn't give a fuck about the charges so just texted her directly because she said false shit about me before blocking me and considering all that I just sent ""Evil fucking bitch"" to her. It was a non-romantic dynamic, yes I'm male and her husband is her FP but it never seemed like a problem but from what I gather he had not liked the idea of me being her FP, like I fucking choose?! Even my ex-FP said he don't really understand at all. I keep wanting to reach out to her via her number but I've been talked out of it thankfully but I'm just destroyed, broken, worthless. Side note, IV diazepam is lovely, but when I get off it and get home i will want my xanax pills, kpin pills and dhc opiates pills. I've never been this heartbroken, but then she said all the right things a BPD brain needs to hear, so being betrayed by that and abandoned has just made me cycle like crazy and the dysregulation is real.",2.78138980044346,3.845263207272726,3.908980044345898,90.93005543237251,74.2,6.893126385809313,24.141906873614197,7.217587316427113,0.7631631929046554,2044,59,460,21,41,665,249,550,0.19,0.6920000000000001,0.119,-0.994,0,1,1,0,1,0,55.0,2,0,1,4,30,30,8,1,21,1,44,20,6,4,8,85,83,43,0,4,22,1,8,5,1,2,9,6,2,2,26,24,1,10,10,1,2,6,11,17,0,2,36,14,78,13,59,39,12,66,0,6,0,4,45,36,5,3,26,304,104,1,0.0,0.10036837925367928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509096311567286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348041211341836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958853219150501,0.0,0.0,0.15491664926602106,0.0,0.2883304145114498,0.0,0.0888986992512242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669021622075096,0.09456520546826426,0.0,0.09688652356663524,0.0863682488536007,0.08702126840434009,0.0,0.0,0.08881760305576912,0.09154221987158227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610154843774102,0.054631421726554365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823756878390102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944748714734316,0.22380258908986966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613255423641305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566459455208231,0.0,0.08133559834827918,0.0,0.0,0.07205491529697249,0.0,0.0,0.06544731043060126,0.2349411525553573,0.17703146905645134,0.08126226426137596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339389395885493,0.09331843453367,0.0,0.07490943087185653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004355927546696,0.0954751647130626,0.0,0.0,0.17900310327417607,0.0849717827996791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562811858393508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752948012034917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905056228893011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662247473799413,0.0,0.20692695227769253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247178347618183,0.0720180449891445,0.07645475349654886,0.08015535388707114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536850544665392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628119430704027,0.13066829555047207,0.0,0.09009083692269823,0.07949529447751325,0.0,0.08128224321926919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740219224666945,0.06442633777850232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173198011987158,0.11745552717629368,0.07396615393286926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811294762300134,0.0,0.0,0.08105674126286015,0.0,0.08515769465957239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641937184614027,0.05426787154191155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596075921323033,0.07234251224833718,0.2417379474052117,0.13473076682414312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711747953031718,0.0,0.0,0.08695436105812636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177513822058904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530021865122294,0.07082197480980644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617457396292482,0.0,0.07799027153024067,0.0,0.0,0.1688341620520081,0.0,0.08322787556250659,0.06725086819747977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818687165236751,0.1018965944844084,0.0,0.09329691631626028,0.0,0.0999291828005162,0.06723944537007473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816581339944862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261790009524097,0.0,0.0 bpd,tempiku,2018/01/07,"Tips/Resources/Books for living with someone with BPD A sibling of mine will need to come live with me and my spouse and they probably have BPD. Their life is a mess (severe alcoholism, needs to apply for bankruptcy, divorcing, unemployed) and it will be homelessness if we don’t help. They are currently still living with their ex- but have signed divorce papers and the discussion has been that they will try to get therapy and a part time job to stabilize somewhat before moving across the country to live at our house. I have no back up plan for them once they are here and know that they are stressful to live with for even a week (and it’s likely they will need several months of rent free co-habitation). I am very nervous about these prospects and am trying to come up with a game plan for dealing. I’m also afraid the ex- will lose patience in the meantime and just put them on a plane. I don’t want to be in a constant state of reactivity when they are here and am trying to formulate some key strategies to use for my own sanity and serenity. Any advice from those with BPD or from those living with someone suffering BPD would be welcome. I know I am not being very specific but am just looking for anything that springs to mind for y’all. If articulating a response is clarifying for you or if you’re feeling generous then that’s awesome—not trying to come across as lazy or entitled to advice. Much appreciated! ",8.772637362637361,7.386577692307693,8.246886446886446,73.33978021978024,61.45421245421245,11.769963369963367,37.11721611721612,10.727762888450028,3.7935260073260064,1142,44,214,23,13,362,155,273,0.081,0.82,0.099,0.6252,5,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,2,2,11,3,10,9,0,3,12,0,28,2,0,1,0,47,42,23,0,8,11,3,1,1,0,6,2,0,1,0,9,23,1,0,3,1,2,5,4,6,0,0,1,2,24,4,45,31,5,24,0,2,1,0,25,8,0,8,11,154,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247093847443896,0.0,0.0997790881461302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466417920310457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349159077252993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683166867863887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717921358012209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944697502638122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703611976842002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412777599936868,0.0,0.1008946970553922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625550211510428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061666885667922715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720828994441093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048779504322645634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258077788708627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773099552073084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265063206325323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262223031448188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594665709532414,0.04561355884080882,0.0,0.4946595068158757,0.0,0.07840331899824737,0.10445186433450462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094272315480622,0.0,0.07452327426111685,0.09923251492583733,0.068634222185457,0.20768751215905865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943097411470296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110549785447616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006635611217638,0.0,0.0,0.09385789220172028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095237787505272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821619438624304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456163173393399,0.0,0.10694961067032303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677133242704767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054442044511845804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535555808190219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063762325190635,0.0,0.15407226495027018,0.055069260062705086,0.0,0.07489199442365893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632401481572743,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mgale85,2018/01/07,"To those who are recovering or trying to; dealing with the guilt of self-reflection to those who hurt? The title doesn't make too much sense, I accidentally some words. But I meant, dealing with the guilt of hurting others in the past, especially the ones you care about the most. I've made it a practice of mine since I started DBT and other self improvement to release the guilt from all my past decisions and actions. Not only because of the amount of progress I've made, but because it serves me no purpose to hate myself for how I treated others. In fact, it can be overwhelming if I think about it too much. I need to love myself, and be my own best friend, especially now. But, I have, like many of you, an ex who I loved more than life, who I, for a lack of a better word, tortured endlessly for a year or more with the truly ugly parts of bpd and it's emotional ups and downs. Because this ultimately drove him to no contact, understandably, I can never resolve it with him personally. Unfortunately, in my case, this is a person who works at my office, so I see him relatively frequently. With the knowledge of our past history, and the hindsight I now have, it's a bit of a sore spot that opens up a bit every time I see him. And never fully closes because I can't tell him I'm sorry, because I can't tell him I get it. Even if I did have that opportunity, it wouldn't be believable, for good reason. Instead, I think I will show it by truly respecting his choices. His choice to go no contact. His choice to date someone new, to accept someone into his life who probably showed a lot of kindness to him after all my hatred. His choice to forget the good, to forget and not care the pain it causes me. I get it now. I hope that my silence shows my sincerity, as difficult as it all is. I understand now why he had to do what he did, and due to my past ignorance, lack of emotional tools, lack of being able to treat people the way they should be treated, for so long, brought me/him to this point. I don't want to say I deserve it, because my anger and hostility and the pain I caused wasn't intentional, exactly, but I should own my responsibility in it all fully and I will only (continue to) learn from the pain. ",7.09542786784322,5.771433417607228,7.845574594705522,74.6787579519803,64.71106094808127,10.853642520008206,34.13184896367741,9.910423181423305,3.070174717832957,1736,62,351,31,22,585,211,443,0.157,0.665,0.179,0.9604,1,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,1,2,1,6,13,35,4,4,26,0,27,8,0,8,8,73,52,25,0,11,10,1,0,1,1,5,6,1,0,3,33,20,0,1,11,3,0,4,13,15,0,1,9,3,58,20,60,33,21,37,0,3,2,2,38,12,0,8,21,261,91,2,0.08637997881165768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31593860000165874,0.0,0.0,0.09732065607224788,0.09065045854164593,0.0763960716643901,0.18860912928792573,0.0,0.10879255943877313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614029064458042,0.17747206539966204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810793044535514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433169947164186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057053161336117285,0.0,0.07277885768675893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673695735508471,0.0,0.0902599474538854,0.0,0.04909173258605793,0.14490285591376453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528234577426216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579480942665026,0.0,0.0,0.1849431077421904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995145542307192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202546718827592,0.04220089442611232,0.0,0.0,0.0764435630289052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343716900839731,0.15592260675411898,0.16346964906420358,0.057659306608309625,0.08757574064124164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699844686863054,0.06404965977210689,0.13324312963265872,0.08342632180401666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058533309174201915,0.1313917326343732,0.27574316309082064,0.0,0.0,0.09354109938554,0.3298378554962452,0.05988500105436105,0.15084733133447353,0.0,0.0,0.08165700045359557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093132226982812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881300478353958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869282618951232,0.0,0.0,0.1376673189186671,0.0,0.18022631334786854,0.0,0.0,0.07145441109907444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637895146698252,0.0,0.0,0.0966953142466239,0.0611401935982023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099981766614484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106976051036722,0.0,0.0,0.050368860294466175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058646335482389386,0.0,0.0,0.1798492085930111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094914953119522,0.06856440652363413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779444953312902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288565335546915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055625874275856135 bpd,throw1way132,2018/01/07,"Ex dumped me 9 months ago out of nowhere. Still not over him :( Not sure why I'm writing this. Just want some reassurance that things will be ok i guess. Few days ago it was 9 months ago. We've been no-contact for 5 months because he got a new gf and it hurt me too much. I'm still obsessed and idealise him. He was perfect for me and made me so happy and stable. He really felt like ""the one"" and I feel like I'll never have those feelings for someone else. Still feel like he's my only way to happiness :( Getting so many panic attacks over him, its so hard to ""get over it"" or meet new people. He was supposed to be mine :(",0.43467829880043496,2.491920106870232,2.021117775354416,97.23826335877865,84.57251908396947,4.658887677208289,20.04416575790621,5.773587663045528,-0.2520124318429664,478,14,111,3,14,155,88,131,0.116,0.64,0.244,0.9589,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,8,14,2,2,2,1,8,0,0,1,3,22,20,9,0,1,4,1,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,7,5,11,9,11,10,3,18,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,3,16,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684314540574368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761327204510564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445485312240401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934911876117352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573534611279425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21015532244170265,0.1979510584093562,0.13302352028666228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447665579010689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080592126480268,0.0,0.15262132352127525,0.0,0.0,0.29496433878089634,0.12410779478486247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831371982042355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203056119533062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310932428163171,0.0,0.14046139939031785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33175238396049217,0.0,0.10184543937025084,0.0,0.1068533152578053,0.2676124191648749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388068496314536,0.10536860150430408,0.0,0.16255098764471107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604864302597757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875453623711105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738748775512654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33192313844190685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305756422982747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204216864813124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171656657994751,0.10996940954377687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501399141863878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlesad,2018/01/07,"First post, please help Hi there. I've been lurking around here for a while, but I just never had the balls to actually reach out to anyone. When I was 18, I went through a super rough patch, was hospitalized and was diagnosed with BPD. Because I was young and in denial, I didn't really grasp that it was actually an issue that needed to be actively worked at, and eventually stopped going to therapy and taking my medication. Now here I am, 5 years later no treatment, and kind of a complete dumpster fire. With the collapse of a 3 year long (albeit toxic) relationship in October, I've been a total disaster for the past few months. I relied on this man for everything, he completely took care of me emotionally. Now that I'm single, and really being well and single for the first time since I was 17, I have no idea what to do. I know that I need to seek therapy, and a psychiatrist, but I don't have the money nor insurance to take care of myself. I guess I'm asking if anyone can share their coping techniques, or any self help information, it would be super helpful.",8.081730769230766,6.635356788461536,8.803730769230771,68.99126923076926,62.84615384615384,12.166153846153849,34.261538461538464,11.20814326018867,3.7253561538461537,844,28,158,20,10,287,133,208,0.107,0.7120000000000001,0.181,0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,5,9,7,0,0,12,0,20,2,0,0,2,28,34,15,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,8,12,0,1,4,1,1,3,6,0,1,2,12,2,17,7,24,18,4,26,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,3,16,112,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.25052660324754145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729091437662594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950811514473522,0.0,0.0,0.11426985597561573,0.1200016272113717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824859991204643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166809861575748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617482852231475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691713170760732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302852543547404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439055628629782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536395484188752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837018547002074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295137742767964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414057859405028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581160713267772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490565914384226,0.0,0.13397711977420051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336698101505029,0.07054468324485233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359678961548925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931173305326832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245773768527916,0.0,0.0,0.1903583621115232,0.09900108763158516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253654851181953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409034988662626,0.0,0.0,0.12293581012770992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446463263233346,0.0,0.0,0.13781330662954108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391010171001366,0.0,0.0,0.1061828018357936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731681323078576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302527812787165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29358745381443857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484921685137717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426154812183391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154133199273366,0.1189933407380274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344944232063908,0.0,0.0,0.09118505030273387,0.0,0.0,0.1653225068774658 bpd,nga1227,2018/01/07,people who have BPD and own a dog... How difficult has it been for you to have a dog? I have a difficult time with splitting/committing to a pet but my therapist thinks it would be good for me. ,1.1147500000000008,3.1429129750000016,3.0599999999999987,90.935,81.75,8.0,22.5,8.841846274778883,1.57375,149,5,34,4,4,50,30,40,0.091,0.8079999999999999,0.1,0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,5,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433120110239299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618237426150676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29906677920677105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5008691181604364,0.0,0.2764129217782434,0.0,0.0,0.2515430000060894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064422324471365,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Serasha,2018/01/07,"Five Weeks Single For the first time in my life, I've been single and not on a single date/one night stand in five weeks. This is monumental for me. Yes, it's fucking lonely. Yes, sometimes I worry that I'm going to be alone forever. But I'm learning to appreciate my own company. I'm learning that it's totally fine to go to bed at 8:00pm when I'm depressed. I'm learning that loneliness isn't the end of the world, even though it feels that way sometimes. Besides, I have you guys. I don't need a man/woman/person in my bed to be happy. ❤️",1.1628379446640302,3.0478633391304366,3.4681422924901213,88.81841897233204,80.82608695652173,6.2687747035573125,22.62845849802372,7.348242739294969,0.8455217391304353,424,14,92,6,11,146,73,115,0.121,0.7559999999999999,0.122,0.0258,0,4,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,1,0,5,2,7,2,0,0,1,9,17,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,8,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,3,1,1,8,2,13,14,5,17,0,2,0,1,2,6,1,0,7,55,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291978788553643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060355235033416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19600424992293325,0.0,0.0,0.1461651722749398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189486476887896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882358760989848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458633761344094,0.0,0.0,0.251537386629407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911970806211134,0.0,0.235575723822216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630924751415512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408958479246996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076730829541371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322878570937707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377385526691898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742405785638289,0.0,0.12904058197336785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565596816651372,0.3550236451341352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473875402448776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ndoubtfn89,2018/01/07,"Having urges to reach out and try to get my ex back. Please help. She hasn't responded to me in over a week and right now I'm having urges to blow up her phone. I sent 2 texts already, if I keep texting it'll turn bad. I am at the desperately wanting to pull her back stage but it'll turn into rage and I hate yous. I'm trying to avoid all this. I am alone and have no one to talk to. I am feeling physical sensations, blood boiling type thing. Please help I don't want to cause trouble or push her even farther away.",0.6732923832923845,2.5617187207207266,2.2715806715806757,96.74948402948404,82.51351351351352,5.477805077805079,20.000819000819,6.574015621080383,-0.03329549549549515,402,11,96,4,11,131,78,111,0.223,0.6709999999999999,0.106,-0.9449,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,2,0,10,2,1,1,1,16,21,7,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,1,1,13,0,16,18,1,17,0,0,0,0,11,9,0,2,4,57,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741240695297946,0.2103406713035564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908249344167015,0.2931315778675573,0.1591497209734898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580692468115946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258947884491621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963771335494868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958481461872933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818594146688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555210534063646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942115115618872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916091594473322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184606980171581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627781932715375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320349287231005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663148775277042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588206446747781,0.4146535460393375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485107754525227,0.0,0.15289424287250494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jmoody1123,2018/01/07,"What do you do when you’re bored & alone? I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but boredom is a dangerous enemy of mine. Just got home from work, my bf won’t get home until 5am. I should sleep but I never can until like 2am or so. I’m stuck in the house, painfully bored & really just wanting to make poor decisions to pass the time (i.e., drugs). If any of you ever get like this, what do you do to keep yourself sane and pass the time? I work so much so I really don’t have any dedicated hobbies. How do you guys distract yourselves? ",1.5452586206896548,3.089749215517241,3.2771034482758634,92.22824137931036,78.39655172413794,6.708965517241379,20.220689655172414,7.554174236665415,0.4208993103448279,423,10,98,6,10,141,75,116,0.287,0.682,0.03,-0.986,0,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,0,2,8,7,1,1,4,0,12,3,1,2,2,18,22,13,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,2,1,4,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,4,5,0,0,2,1,11,2,9,18,1,11,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,9,56,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825104203055093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818678509808104,0.0,0.2396708201263885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321688197254466,0.18055786398579893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043588568893989,0.0,0.14720891199286698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940076915231974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910195373964848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841349958965809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093895823201485,0.0,0.0,0.17448516633469033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535253694845593,0.0,0.0,0.20333382527767002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663212856486852,0.0,0.0,0.09684571532783376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218404710360224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762798988050772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954172450064275,0.0,0.13591146361287332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18751014019878293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257816501652515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763469214258428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055101990476007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393891980331607,0.13987496192961058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256580019138149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ladymaemargaret,2018/01/07,"How does one cope with BPD? What do you do that helps you get out of an episode of rage? What helps calm you down mentally and physically? What can you do to occupy your mind in healthy ways? Always battling with the negative thoughts about anything and everything, even though I know the difference. Trying my hardest to level things out even slightly.",4.730364583333333,7.425354640625002,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,72.90625,8.016666666666666,29.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.5486229166666674,283,12,51,6,6,84,49,64,0.123,0.731,0.146,-0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,0,0,5,3,2,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,10,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,7,1,11,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,0,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21230811838177416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996955684332252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32135685041259604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26658105873321997,0.0,0.0,0.2232865120258592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370529074348085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293154771816961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330715161872347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34204797125576875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402256686076369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25713467463599965,0.0,0.2576322582144232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289858771117778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951262099742098,0.0,0.25068697866315304,0.2025633460779446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323245041833593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202528939888064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xx1024,2018/01/07,I just ended a relationship with someone I love Nobody has been as respectful and kind to me as him. I don't know how to handle what I'm feeling. Can anyone give advice on getting through these episodes? ,2.76325,5.200860825000003,3.945000000000004,84.59000000000002,78.25,6.0,27.5,7.1686216300943375,1.58175,163,7,30,2,4,53,35,40,0.0,0.713,0.287,0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,10,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,3,7,9,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510450107188263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511888465494414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181798672665245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164245537515752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768798758823635,0.34461558563280315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740930085875552,0.19742881930638853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242279782640488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856891428393364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043827478422869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MsTylerDurden,2018/01/07,"Haven't talked to my BPD friend in a while. Should I reach out again? Friend has never said anything about BPD, but after thinking about all his behavior towards me and asking someone who has BPD about it, it seems that he definitely hits all the classic traits of BPD. But yes, it's always been that some day he is super affectionate with me, and some days he is very mean with me... Anyway. I last talked to him almost a week ago. He got upset about something (I honestly don't know what, but he's had a history of suddenly withdrawing or changing his affectionate nature to cold without any warning when I talk to him sometimes) and then went offline. A couple days ago, I've tried talking to him again (and all I said was pretty much ""Hey, how are you?"") and then he went offline again. In the past, when I've reached out to him, he would eventually respond. And...I don't remember if we've gone this long without talking though. Could it be that he's splitting from me permanently? I don't want to lose my friend :( What should I do this time...? Any advice/help would be appreciated. ",3.7498160022302764,5.501990265402847,4.406038472260941,85.58018678561474,72.88625592417061,7.23958739894062,26.62977418455533,7.928766900206844,1.5101996654586003,850,30,170,12,17,271,119,211,0.052000000000000005,0.731,0.217,0.9908,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,0,2,12,9,0,1,6,1,20,0,0,1,4,35,33,17,0,7,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,12,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,9,3,20,7,24,16,6,29,0,1,0,0,29,5,0,6,21,110,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557679420229248,0.0,0.10481725973171434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709829071834434,0.0,0.0,0.14236567807159636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613890812717781,0.0,0.09785733801533247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273398416397173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073265883467316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357476304266938,0.11582130263554855,0.0,0.20252085642669115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426157866725693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371845327196749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016169204251292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752684420950833,0.08532439494554044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263440585917428,0.0,0.11710496075850335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140221613055883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694843885197428,0.0,0.08073209606720662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992448207249807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649247971947956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857678557523063,0.0,0.19914048888233565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529252279100253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869109878032222,0.0805842114974475,0.10352661451177217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206704748375385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707174857178444,0.10284301661815816,0.0,0.06103704827857567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710677031259614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636814027174294,0.061740243505759726,0.0,0.08396426549192262,0.0,0.0,0.1940702278255661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018066368904396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871675487703956,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,starryeyedd,2018/01/07,"Does anyone have periods of time where they are okay? The reason it’s been so hard for me to keep up with therapy is because I’ll go through periods where I feel totally fine and not in need of any help. I’ll feel relatively sane (except for the anxiety) and I’ll appear more or less sane to everyone around me. Then a huge crisis occurs and I blow up and completely change personalities and shock everyone around me and the cycle just continues over and over again. How long have you gone feeling like you’re “cured” or like you’re normal?",5.336900269541778,6.208485358490568,6.011940700808626,78.93103773584906,68.0566037735849,10.208086253369274,28.350404312668466,10.290406445055957,2.7557536388140167,432,14,85,11,7,141,73,106,0.077,0.7809999999999999,0.142,0.647,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,0,4,1,5,0,0,2,1,25,13,12,0,2,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,4,7,4,16,11,3,20,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,3,9,53,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399660316965642,0.0,0.1574532821189525,0.0,0.0,0.1439155421475702,0.0,0.0,0.3664504696201825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546719316339222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21773240638104174,0.0,0.21580047228697527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011623691641754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39334352128394506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31220939306936457,0.1470392923799668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697339726899192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437610256436784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795816162050364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294406853408093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011084852285029,0.0,0.0,0.18214601106535086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526144200417606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166187967608915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797158491424465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211619316409058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353754177038879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200164751749712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,turtlessf128,2018/01/08,"IOP recovery and BPD in need of opinions/to vent/one question. a little back story...not great at writing this stuff so please bare with me. I was diagnosed with BPD about 3 years ago and have seemed treatment sense for it off and on, occasionally giving up on a therapist or just deciding to stop. I was arrested for DUI this past April, through the court process it was stated that i need to go to a inpatient rehab facility for alcoholism. I refused and was dropped from the pretrial diversion program i was in. I did at the recommendation of my attorney enter into a highly respected out patient recovery program in the town I'm from. I spent 5 or so months in this program and successfully was sober for 3 months before i relapsed (this happened within the last month). During this relapse i lost my job as a result of drinking on the job and it was decided by myself and along with my IOP group that inpatient is in fact a good option for me, and the process is underway to get into a publicly funded facility (sense i lost my job and insurance) that will be about a month so its kinda useless to look for any decent job so in an attempt to stay busy along with odd jobs i can pick up I'm spending a lot of time at coffee shops studying alcoholism and general interests. One of the things I started digging into the last couple of days is my diagnosis of BPD. When i was first diagnosed i agreed and thought it made a lot of sense but i must admit i didn't do a lot of looking at how it affected me and what exactly it meant. In this process of digging into BPD (I'm reading several books ((""I hate you- don't leave me"" and ""Borderline personality demystified""))as well as several good sources I've found through the books.) I am finding a lot of the things that I do can be better explained as a symptom of BPD over a symptom of alcoholism. (yes a part of me is convinced i don't have a problem and don't need IOP, but thats not what this is about). The therapist who runs the IOP group I'm in has been told i was diagnosed with BPD, the more i read into BPD the more i feel like he might not know exactly what that means. I have been trying to schedule appointments 1 on 1 with him and he keeps saying he will text me some dates and he has yet to do so. I am growing increasingly disappointed with his reliability and want to express this to him. I feel like he needs to be better educated on BPD but don't exactly know how to approach him on the subject. I really don't know exactly what I'm looking for in posting about this but i feel like i needed to vent. I guess for the sake of it I'll ask some more specific questions hopefully someone will have some inside into. 1) Has anyone of you who suffers from BPD entered into treatment for substance abuse, how has it been helpful for you? A big part of me feels like I have yet to really address BPD in an appropriate way and I feel like entering in patient treatment without doing that will only be a waist of time. 2",5.501414141414141,5.727456734006736,6.618063973063975,77.00265151515153,67.51851851851852,9.967003367003366,33.840067340067336,9.861636050157227,3.2182612794612795,2356,103,462,50,36,794,250,594,0.056,0.826,0.118,0.9862,5,0,4,0,1,0,50.0,0,3,0,7,18,23,1,0,37,1,51,11,1,7,6,102,95,36,0,9,10,0,5,5,0,6,9,1,1,1,34,35,5,3,20,6,4,8,9,7,1,2,22,9,52,16,99,63,13,73,0,5,3,0,30,38,0,17,27,327,86,13,0.0,0.062366421698693435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046659662198953115,0.16875933299420548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035795070585735625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03680512283669425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492086346799042,0.0,0.0,0.0404747233017394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479034222155424,0.0,0.0,0.0931065726391666,0.0,0.0,0.6629465440635002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058242011126956476,0.0,0.033946610583258506,0.0,0.0,0.16027681377423714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051564372986221615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307463635981034,0.18801997119658034,0.0,0.0,0.04810940631050573,0.04477313737941913,0.0,0.05771392386678757,0.0,0.0,0.02750074110793493,0.05049435568055022,0.029914908361295223,0.08829909696813806,0.0,0.058032649506069275,0.05798576089067847,0.0,0.04654686256470631,0.0,0.0,0.05196829332110172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035281575631078435,0.05561404451872127,0.0,0.052280572036724766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611712727752325,0.04678632213147065,0.0,0.0,0.08678401186071255,0.08581261385837215,0.0,0.055735147221291616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285792762873862,0.052756257853226615,0.0,0.0,0.1326058602509819,0.0,0.1149193458415723,0.1790009083381234,0.0,0.04980654902570656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733729319533176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055839703556383125,0.0,0.0,0.1680579005817541,0.0,0.0,0.19514891833323386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035668298668417774,0.04003292850072847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140018193991364,0.050248120719508696,0.0,0.04596073366840478,0.0,0.057779789840826073,0.0,0.0,0.05041184449104934,0.0,0.0,0.05036664878631194,0.0,0.0,0.1179313209532749,0.0,0.10530279925520486,0.0,0.06744141902937649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185917856810875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047918889240724835,0.0,0.1189300057596494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459929084271999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037256849419111934,0.05610420391702292,0.0,0.04400701873803267,0.0,0.0,0.06025694945032306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942031745598964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223158854405275,0.06993957410343188,0.0,0.0,0.041788021653777235,0.06138629706460037,0.0,0.0,0.0502970575722418,0.0,0.03573717323188764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031046757957458787,0.0417809237921177,0.0,0.0,0.04732712405220638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074033931500247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03389660221427497 bpd,2good24get,2018/01/08,anyone else feel like their symptoms are exacerbated by physical illness? i’ve been riding a pretty good wave lately and it’s been a lot of work to keep myself where i am. i got sick two days ago and suddenly i catch myself spiraling into the giant pit of emptiness. ,6.6201282051282035,6.690085884615389,7.735384615384617,70.47628205128207,65.15384615384616,10.01025641025641,30.794871794871803,9.725611199111238,2.930825641025641,214,7,37,4,3,73,44,52,0.158,0.69,0.152,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,6,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,6,2,5,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,24,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540883855026244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042481662053768,0.2936957679777456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848585924091834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394502986827197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493340890398346,0.20477512554585495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404193893893777,0.2292515798657799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547781208381274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32334154029350576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003745068557674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436904258393747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916151489350308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979279156054502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28000488062875617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867677570235932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Soylent_Green_Day,2018/01/08,"Is anybody else easily manipulated, open to suggestion. Sorry if this is vague rambling, but I don't know how to solve this. I'm extremely open to suggestion to people close to me. When my friends have an opinion of me, it immediately becomes a truth. I can't/don't really have an opinion about it of my own anymore somehow. For instance; the other day my friend said I gave in to my parents too much and I remember that I thought I didn't, but now I think I do and I'm starting to resent my parents for pressuring me and myself for giving in all the time, eventhough I don't know if it's true. Well, loads more examples were that came from. The biggest problem is that this also happens in therapy. I can't hold on to what I think of something for myself. I am constantly fighting my therapists suggestions as if they are trying to take my own thoughts away from me, because that's what happens in normal life with less important things too. It makes me less prone to share the really important issues, because talking about it will make me confused about what is true, what are my thoughts and what are my therapists thoughts. Does anyone relate? How do you deal with this?",4.7031207704320686,6.2995363761062,5.310635085892767,80.66624934929725,70.19469026548673,8.503487766788131,31.878188443519,9.007467420416297,2.796139302446642,935,42,173,18,17,301,122,226,0.08,0.774,0.146,0.9492,2,0,1,0,2,0,24.0,0,1,1,0,12,12,2,2,7,0,18,1,0,5,4,40,38,14,0,5,5,2,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,20,10,0,1,9,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,9,1,31,7,31,28,7,17,0,0,0,0,16,10,0,7,6,132,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516245182949906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041508232933774,0.09194956194628337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355086891051688,0.0,0.0,0.16032533078566338,0.1452341106953784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040375595285493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210741793701254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480819331975477,0.1355732389017276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150786693135298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109853412581477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031969141509108,0.0,0.0,0.1261491207674349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23257434253318301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725437943716035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454060122626675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288406065830228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555779644780398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096669422492401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288444682261413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920357893568996,0.0,0.0,0.09116723252324817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583007298066803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684876576639049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896662692031615,0.0,0.12508893190245582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123700108392623,0.0,0.14720621261788452,0.0930781021649126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887346738673536,0.10569667811033333,0.0,0.0,0.15038449793423767,0.3053689311809256,0.08736437628607295,0.1685229043428103,0.0,0.4175929859237754,0.07668012887280717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928152307630377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823648420048714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tabpd,2018/01/08,"Pregnant and :( I'm 35 weeks pregnant and the father and I aren't together. He's told me his family would consider it their biggest fear if we ended up together. Just now I asked if we could see each other this week and he said no, he wants to get an early night one night and he's out with friends every other night (movies, sports, dinner, art exhibition etc). He said, just tell me what you want to say now over the phone, and I said I just wanted us to talk in person, and he said suit yourself and we ended the conversation. I have no idea when we'll talk. Up until recently I thought my mom would come over for the birth but that's off now her malignant NPD husband who severely abused me as a child/teenager is back (she has BPD and was equally abusive but I was hoping things might have changed). Nothing has changed in that situation since that time. I feel so sad and alone. I'm trying to stay positive because I have to for the baby. I have no friends and am totally isolated. I've seen that he (the father) has notifications from dating apps on his phone when we've been together. The more upset and hormonal I get, I feel like the more pathetic and unattractive and unmotivated I am. I have a place on a college course for after the baby's born and he tells me he doesn't think it will be doable, and I have serious concerns about being able to do it with a baby. He is scheduled to get a promotion around the time the baby's due and has given me his friends' numbers to call in case I go into labor and he's not around. 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Just wondering if I’m the odd one out. I hope not, lol. I was just wondering if anyone else had 2-3 favorites. ",-0.8810000000000002,1.2256939000000031,1.888333333333336,94.8825,93.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,17.5,7.1686216300943375,0.2410000000000005,107,3,25,2,4,37,23,30,0.14300000000000002,0.68,0.17600000000000002,0.2658,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,7,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41729361759343697,0.3057439980682453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492732263797469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963765279613268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044043936706525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6471997705691184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Light21994,2018/01/08,"Having to be somebody else to feel better. Anybody else relate? Every time there's a character I really like in a movie or game, I WANT to look like them. I actually feel confident as them and it allows me to escape from being myself. I'm completely aware how bad this is, but it's the only way I can feel better because I do not like how I look normally. This changes yearly. Once I get bored, I will go on to another person/character. At the moment, I want to dye my hair pink because that's the colour of my favourite character's hair. I want to have the same hair style, too. I don't care about the clothes or anything. It's always just my hair and I will also wear eye contacts depending on their eye color. I'm sure this has got to do with crippling low self-esteem due to my BPD and lack of identity? Anyway, can anybody else relate? Please don't comment if you haven't and I don't want comments saying how ""weird"" I am as I hear it enough. I just want to know if others are the same.",2.405509325681493,3.9743216829268313,4.0212338593974195,87.71041606886658,76.07317073170732,6.969870875179341,23.278335724533715,7.724431198458867,1.0346499282639874,775,23,163,11,17,259,116,205,0.071,0.777,0.153,0.8864,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,3,2,10,11,0,0,8,0,18,7,7,5,1,32,36,15,0,9,8,0,7,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,16,26,7,21,31,4,11,0,1,7,0,10,5,0,5,7,105,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.1378763249216609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129876494783717,0.11756260859333495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815237661459646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626766331798738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179692515171757,0.17225522952511804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499148162199451,0.0,0.0,0.17794679690913856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405213319982382,0.0,0.14946355573357034,0.0,0.14813736941183028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540830018365119,0.0,0.0,0.14598786814761416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904090385292655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431778023847825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381694401465584,0.0,0.08029700388954747,0.0,0.11300060739284745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592414032595942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764797464604874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070779664133277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23729201390716126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384318581385418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15046669193274906,0.0,0.10745559293412424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336689003243753,0.0,0.15509136626969655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051245988647208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235757715525764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473937893567292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331618989490155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238594072610618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41667546066986666,0.11214752723712856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098458758321383 bpd,Greenbean49,2018/01/08,"My brain is nagging me to break up with FP/Boyfriend Hello all first post here and it's already negative haha, I made this account to hopefully find solace in knowing other people who have BPD I can relate with so nice to meet you all! Anyways I have been recently diagnosed with BPD, I will be starting therapy soon enough. My partner of about 6 months knows about this diagnosis and tries his best to be supportive and understanding for me and my behaviour, he knows about him being my FP. I have no actual reason at all to break up with him but for some reason for about a few weeks now I keep thinking about breaking up. I feel like this relationship is giving me anxiety but honestly he's been doing nothing but giving me amazing support, even if he's a bit brutally honest sometimes it helps me snap out of times I become emotionally irrational. And in return I want to do nothing but make him happy. Like the only reason I want to do this is because I often get upset and blow up in tears for the most menial things. It's not even bad things he does, he's just talking to friends most of the time and I get super irrationally jealous. And every time I get upset like that I feel so guilty and he feels bad for hurting me. I just feel so toxic and abusive at times even though I know I'm not... I just keep obsessing over those times I overreacted and it's piling up on me... I don't want to hurt him anymore which makes me think of doing this, I'm wondering should I wait until I learn to cope better and get my emotions in check before making such a harsh decision, or am I beating a dead horse out of this relationship?",4.38079307568438,5.5275299537037075,5.491567364465919,80.78118357487925,70.45061728395062,8.3508319914117,27.97584541062802,8.716276077567194,2.0825613526570046,1291,45,249,22,23,428,172,324,0.174,0.619,0.207,0.8763,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,5,21,26,3,3,7,1,20,2,1,7,3,66,54,23,1,6,11,0,4,3,2,2,1,0,0,1,17,18,0,3,18,0,2,0,5,10,0,1,3,4,41,16,45,46,10,33,0,2,0,0,23,15,0,8,17,178,58,2,0.0,0.10823819742099204,0.0891472106286587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081014933751624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988468556492461,0.0,0.0905974869038454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525516395752825,0.05568785372357698,0.10089205333236392,0.07773455285525784,0.0,0.09586918740316988,0.08079417830958527,0.09973365966673983,0.0,0.23011145087842294,0.10198000062111648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927212268973626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994350078096073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551933674405276,0.0,0.09439192144393746,0.0,0.18101310144711605,0.0,0.07696872204297882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847629973914843,0.06526249929740975,0.0,0.0,0.0834948563058626,0.07770469350067415,0.0,0.0,0.07057899071136682,0.0,0.1909123893395739,0.1752679692031036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724681498110806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061231894414752575,0.0,0.0,0.09073399953475224,0.0,0.0,0.1955902456567845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623972334322442,0.0,0.0,0.20082056450498176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389117456453928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644028211763967,0.18293622425183928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729169789041562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531106019261228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947796426956278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333256864974403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749078474856384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28177785539342226,0.09019992540147684,0.196157561141662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035031146427552,0.0,0.06466002237858859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733227909747995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342596607575605,0.0,0.0,0.10446995346544782,0.0,0.1213815579466852,0.11707044420399193,0.0897537181834499,0.0,0.26634292779864105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620225933472512,0.0,0.0,0.09510154587355996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616468457970668,0.0,0.07327775156987958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906827656975034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,distresstolerance,2018/01/08,"Easily repulsed? Anyone else here find that they are easily repulsed by a lot of people in terms of their mannerisms, personalities, inflections when speaking etc? ",9.344615384615382,12.227098846153845,8.995384615384618,53.72461538461542,60.53846153846153,12.892307692307696,36.07692307692308,12.161744961471696,6.000523076923077,134,6,16,5,2,43,23,26,0.208,0.645,0.147,-0.4515,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789849622364741,0.4088151563257437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333071905061963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4449823124768352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36467208552213454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3392093124820236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766112897586273,0.3483850224799909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ehtj1316,2018/01/08,"First time poster seeking advice from other mothers who suffer from BPD My biggest fear in life has always been to end up just like my mother, Who suffers from BPD/narcissism. She had a horrible childhood, and was abused horribly by her father, who also suffered from BPD, and had a horrible childhood himself. I'm not going to say my mother was all bad because she wasn't, and I know she loves me but since she suffers from narcissism also, she doesn't accept she even has a problem, it's always someone else's fault and never hers. I cut ties with her completely after I moved out at 18, and had my first child at 19. As my first child has gotten older, I realized that I would get annoyed super fast with her, and I have said stuff to her that I do not mean, and it breaks my heart. I have almost all of the traits of BPD. I am a emotional rollercoaster. My mood is constantly changing throughout the day, the littlest things can make me go from happy, to sad, to depressed, to having suicidal thoughts. After reading so many comments about woman who suffer from BPD, make horrible mothers, only get worse, are horrible people, and their children are doomed, makes me have no hope and not even want to get help. I am very good at controlling my emotions around my children, although I have messed up, I have never hurt them and i try to think about everything that comes out of my mouth before I say It. I do not want my kids to grow up and feel the way I do, or have to struggle with losing their cool easily with others. any advice will be appreciated. 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Hey guys, i just newly got diagnosed and the only symptom i‘m not dir whether I experience it is dissociation. I rarely feel really present at all and I get easily lost in my thoughts but I always attributed it to that to add. And I feel very foggy in my head a lot where I can‘t think clearly so that I sometimes thought there was something physically wrong with my brain. I obviously know it‘s different for everyone, but what is dissociation like for you?",5.356238095238098,7.31198576666667,6.599841269841274,70.64500000000002,69.1111111111111,10.476190476190476,32.85714285714286,10.608840637214634,3.905380952380953,389,18,70,12,7,131,65,90,0.064,0.8340000000000001,0.102,0.5191,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,5,4,2,1,3,21,15,7,0,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,2,13,2,8,10,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937533805503225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24065255045859935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188036830613672,0.0,0.2252295762112729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599077030800889,0.0,0.2108733261257968,0.0,0.0,0.21800199196816528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262883194962515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241470220885466,0.0,0.0,0.21345274841562195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124173476550224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184741634102631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063772273392226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353251434161664,0.1832738174665745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639541988655331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381026100440658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659598605212173,0.21320879345145366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406455335615333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813150034036234,0.0,0.3422843078939841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787162331953085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23569698564785035,0.0,0.0 bpd,synchronality,2018/01/08,"I missed a shift at work (intentionally) and now I don't know what to do, please help me I usually try not to post multiple things at once here, but I really need help with this. I didn't go to work the other day. I didn't call in or anything I just... didn't go. I just turned my phone on airplane mode and sat in bed staring at a wall. They called and texted me a couple times while my phone was off and one of their messages said to call and confirm that I would be at my next shift, which is now tonight. I never called back. I don't know what to do now. I can't just tell them the truth, I doubt anyone would respond well to ""hey, sorry I completely missed my shift, but I decided that given the choice between coming in to work and literally killing myself I would definitely choose the latter, but luckily I changed my mind and decided that just completely dissociating in my bed all day would be a healthier option."" So what do I do now? What do I say? 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I've known for a while that my friend has BPD, but I've only recently found out what an FP is. I'm pretty sure I'm her FP, but I'm very scared as to what that means. She's had at least three other best friends before that I think were her FPs. She says that she won't ever leave me like she left her other friends, but isn't it very likely that she'll find another FP in a year or two when she grows tired of me? I've grown very attached to her and I'll be so devastated when she leaves me for another FP. Are there any other FPs or ex-FPs out there experiencing the same problem? We're always concerned and caring for our friends with BPD, but I don't often see posts online from FPs. ",4.062941176470588,3.6723478431372567,5.0766013071895415,88.94470588235296,70.56862745098039,8.10718954248366,24.18954248366013,7.3871296695380915,0.7110601307189537,552,11,132,5,9,182,92,153,0.107,0.684,0.209,0.952,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,5,0,10,1,0,0,2,21,18,13,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,3,3,18,9,14,12,3,14,0,0,1,0,17,5,0,3,8,78,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456083308018085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145791226516911,0.0,0.0,0.09364210453857393,0.2887851764157905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171742879674807,0.0,0.14450978823926675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468617805012482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039640014483404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455937256457986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258571636065548,0.0,0.0,0.1509831718063073,0.4255529968747209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29161314098086105,0.14961366191644715,0.0,0.0,0.1345485155869001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499978828228864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472860129361942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318804833896421,0.140092472477087,0.0,0.13176224864842048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596414522789718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950618370719767,0.13786375748624202,0.0,0.10973069206960774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297825365970686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823390267119541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826823030611145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345148774890065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408557959901584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867559460314334 bpd,My_Honest_Self,2018/01/08,Problems With Self Harm As the title suggests I've been having troubles with self harm. Specifically cutting. I feel so much shame afterwards but such relief during its spinning my head around. I'm 29(m) and this has to be one of the scariest parts of my BPD. How do people cope with this?,2.9353333333333325,5.666866927272732,3.2177272727272737,88.31992424242426,79.72727272727272,5.121212121212121,23.71212121212121,6.42735559955562,0.7507575757575755,231,8,42,2,6,71,45,55,0.193,0.738,0.068,-0.5631,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,2,0,5,1,1,1,0,9,7,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,3,1,8,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,29,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612700426144811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696428130945974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839833882856546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012073937704665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157503389999056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198877728169126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178231608411753,0.0,0.20347035096977206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808321411467626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6123521847747955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Raesyn,2018/01/08,"Is it even possible to make friends when you have BPD? All my old friends won’t really talk to me anymore and I can’t figure out how to even start making new ones. I feel like maybe it’s pointless since I’ll just screw things up with them too. I don’t even know if it’s because of BPD or if I’m just an asshole that nobody likes. I just wish I had at least one close friend I could talk to tonight. My dad hates me and I’m having a really hard time dealing with it right now.",0.07444155844155986,1.987046885714289,1.6184415584415603,100.46064935064936,84.90476190476191,4.961038961038962,18.11688311688312,6.11248444174946,-0.5107142857142861,373,9,93,3,11,120,74,105,0.057,0.7759999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.9083,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,10,7,2,0,2,0,8,1,0,3,1,21,17,7,0,4,6,1,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,2,12,5,10,14,2,12,0,0,0,1,9,5,1,3,9,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946786520187925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802063450610367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40503752459530623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838368152190294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657751128168356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186156023508594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130402334888001,0.11487373211293064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726951385127399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404293349884928,0.15875419423112375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837007461430606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571150260848496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146670961597784,0.0,0.16154265356762654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552991815060997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872987723547908,0.0,0.21792103041415345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127496730328027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060219309042582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732014575471946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301331424817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381326441828273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25848580265617577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682668240665356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376228758474486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490913464687508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,reshaobam,2018/01/08,"Ever get so disassociated/overwhelmed you feel under the influence? ie. not remembering things you just did, feeling euphoric but not present, doing repetitive things like using at your phone without really comprehending what's happening on it",7.531315789473684,11.71691581578948,7.558210526315792,54.41047368421053,75.05263157894737,10.40842105263158,36.54736842105263,9.888512548439397,5.735456842105265,203,11,23,7,5,65,35,38,0.0,0.777,0.223,0.8025,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,11,7,2,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,4,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145684763985456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516754151321736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169004271080372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075226741796871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698977791812221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278371073405506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939438458696472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620720640274472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003526463866688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352278537193117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blahblahblahokay,2018/01/08,"I have quiet BPD and any absolutely certain that my partner has explosive BPD. We had another big fight. I take things too deeply, then i split, then i FEEL spiteful. However, due to an abusive past and c-ptsd, I've learned to swallow my feelings to an unhealthy extent and compartmentalize like a champ. Right now our relationship is incredibly toxic, I've just ordered 4 books on Amazon. A DBT/CBT workbook, a book on loving someone with bpd, how to unfuck your life, and another workbook for high conflict couples. Have you ever been in a relationship with another bpd sufferer? At the very least someone extremely bipolar and prone to outbursts? Have you made it work, have you tried as much as i am trying? We are starting couples therapy as well. I'm apprehensive to call his behavior abusive because i don't really see malice, i see untempered mental illness and instability. However, I've seen through rose eyed glasses before and while im great at seeing signs of real abuse when its others, not so much myself. Right now though, i don't believe it's fair to label it as abusive. I wouldn't be opposed to reminders of what is and isn't tolerable behavior and when its time to call it quits. I just need some perspective. Experience. To commiserate? Even advice would be nice, but mostly right now I'm drowning, confused, and need to be heard, to be validated. TL;DR - HOLY SHIT RELATIONSHIPS. I MEAN WTF. Sorry for the wall of text. And thank you for reading.",4.761230547088079,7.0300392767527695,5.812597465105089,74.37528317022301,71.36162361623616,8.550681854644635,32.446815337718604,9.20300075937882,3.266638889780202,1168,56,196,26,23,386,170,271,0.147,0.778,0.075,-0.9686,2,0,0,0,2,0,43.0,3,5,0,3,14,14,3,2,8,0,20,7,2,2,2,38,37,24,1,4,4,0,2,1,1,2,3,2,0,1,10,15,1,2,4,3,0,0,5,6,1,0,5,9,23,8,30,26,6,25,0,1,5,1,18,11,1,3,14,126,33,6,0.0,0.4162877134710581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583284338241412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973185442505186,0.2763127901083525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053544335195577136,0.0,0.07474242004406849,0.09896169376249488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425081533698384,0.0,0.1793818416380557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437890598511415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801520158408693,0.07945317275775733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592098369979925,0.0,0.0,0.08882558046837334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684008762865666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928041195846784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487852837259864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062041540832538114,0.04291249318746853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927590032272291,0.08311305124240399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567973450609384,0.0,0.0,0.0885185658049928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291399165866269,0.13025935236716346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384990957794597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026762065314807,0.0,0.0,0.09342496476732988,0.08786030272795302,0.09997720432123564,0.05627033216812488,0.0,0.0,0.28291069333677554,0.0,0.2250357575354716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099830334962852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016293879204317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884721859660227,0.0,0.0,0.09832580731513743,0.0621711500891775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604214136045597,0.0,0.0,0.08086807829748012,0.10044873041770698,0.0,0.05835468949404876,0.0,0.08629894761825486,0.0,0.05121818870524717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192704802152636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247433864052208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897559183384598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639460420899586,0.0,0.0,0.062396552829356,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,potatoe_666,2018/01/08,"SSRI’s don’t work for me. anyone else? i’ve tried a few antidepressants (lexapro, prozac, celexa, etc.) and all seem to make me super tired and suicidal. i’ve noticed antipsychotics like latuda work and wondered if anyone else has noticed this? ",3.8438636363636363,6.8954356590909125,3.664727272727273,84.46209090909093,78.77272727272728,6.247272727272727,24.70909090909091,7.554174236665415,1.5265872727272725,195,7,33,3,5,59,35,44,0.158,0.7120000000000001,0.13,-0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,8,5,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,15,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29057149327698656,0.4257936682162347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471497792890018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23173144169083146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151160880803016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869585126478562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4731215251249294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915659193195275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272793785510116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23881441740911236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107008741097068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22533031402125797,0.302535002154259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coconutjuicewithplup,2018/01/08,"please I need advise... I really need help writing a letter to someone. The reality of the situation is she got a boyfriend, and they fell madly in love and attached at the hip (as most couples do) and she didn’t have as much time for me. But my perception of it for the last year and a half was she completely forgot about me, I never meant anything at all to her, and all my feelings are just burden to people and people think I’m annoying and delusional. To some it up, I told her to forget my name and number and that she ever knew me a year and a bit ago and I haven’t been able to fucking stop thinking about it since. It really doesn’t help that my sister is best friends with her and I can’t just not hear from her ever (I don’t have social media because it is VERY bad for my mental and emotional well being) also that I am completely and utterly avoidances personality because I feel people never truly love or care for me and will always just leave me always, so its easier to just be alone and too scary to be intimate and I can’t even when I try to be authentic so relationships are just draining and painful. This situation hasn’t helped with that obviously. The last month though I’ve finally been prescribed some anti-depressants and a pill for dissociation and talking with a therapist again. I’m starting to feel a little saner, thank fuck. My therapist asked me if I could to write a letter as if I were to actually write and send this letter to said friend. Reality is I would reach out to this community for support and advise so here I am. Its hard for me to remember the massive tsunami wave of emotions I have and have had for over a year relative to this because of the medication and not being in a triggered state for the last week. But I really do want to write a letter expressing myself and letting her know that its not her fault. I know that its me and I have a lot of work to do to challenge myself into a better place so I don’t make this same mistakes again. I’ve had a similar situation with my mom in the past which carried on for years and still to this day where I carried actually life threating hurt inside me. I don’t feel I can move on without making some type of amends with her. I've been having suicidal thoughts all steming from this for a year and need to move on. a few weeks ago I was triggered because my sister was in town so I was able to go on her phone and creep people on Facebook and I creeped this friend and she seemed so great and happy and thriving without me. I’m not upset that she’s happy. I care about her and I’m happy she’s happy. It just that I feel so god damn unlovable, sick and diseased. No one will ever be able to love me. I have no idea her perception of all this because we really haven’t spoken in the year and a half. I made a post a short while ago relative to this but didn’t get any comments you can read that if you’d like: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/7ibb6p/apologising/ I just need help. Please any thoughts are helpful. Thank you ",4.4455233380480905,5.444833773927392,5.458925035360682,81.62366336633663,70.17161716171617,8.345685997171145,27.46487505893447,8.634040054169528,1.8780677039132487,2401,79,481,39,42,792,252,606,0.073,0.7979999999999999,0.129,0.9835,0,2,0,0,0,0,51.0,1,3,1,4,31,36,6,2,30,0,54,11,1,5,10,120,99,57,1,11,20,3,6,1,3,3,5,2,0,1,30,44,0,3,18,1,0,5,21,15,1,3,21,8,74,21,73,66,14,59,0,1,0,5,59,21,3,10,32,356,104,6,0.1898660638428931,0.0,0.12352125986778985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830480973396708,0.0,0.0,0.06554799384412373,0.0,0.05061194088614737,0.1053225166470274,0.0,0.0,0.08607695613194735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208119763520605,0.0,0.059166379886160636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052843410866010285,0.19290098374256096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641757339928428,0.055973701389006585,0.06909485561234567,0.0,0.07970988694448929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905407066510435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271397039082786,0.0,0.0,0.050530867478774784,0.07002772944397022,0.0,0.04081596798370152,0.0,0.054510454191471706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238251103314356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041801581499578536,0.17174472478319278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000331119311914,0.0,0.0,0.06932966412000256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146690049941884,0.11701874437450785,0.03306572730837246,0.0,0.03596841984902481,0.0,0.050617745283393266,0.06977600189095902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694879406744946,0.05669423323588482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133095099871517,0.0,0.2121053673150558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775184941571748,0.07144522516730192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695636155076783,0.15476618311792828,0.0,0.06701358237140284,0.0,0.06471697136625026,0.04470267196627528,0.03091965609610329,0.06343189185842146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053805779268177464,0.17136153548426505,0.059885286792504336,0.08449138129951941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375669479957224,0.06378011179294342,0.0,0.0,0.0741229464146538,0.05051642691049582,0.13453171877101094,0.04652446773127609,0.1877110407404611,0.09762427553812986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042886052877432766,0.0,0.06734362616055836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060416213910324625,0.17550562973564962,0.055261241157377815,0.06612320859469792,0.13894394826040302,0.0,0.0,0.06061306844462295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330581476541075,0.0,0.16217741639490665,0.0,0.0,0.0679483657254831,0.07169374605228547,0.0,0.060202035201907526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761564455063847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235305667753591,0.21341741083564306,0.0,0.0645148472302009,0.05362429991847264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479605907442242,0.0,0.05054242794830917,0.05291217700407248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922755244499136,0.0718192530780878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086905003941481,0.0,0.11653544151757746,0.0,0.14696608936479408,0.0,0.08110567150325458,0.0621808145743275,0.10048829763074844,0.036904142896410114,0.0,0.0,0.06047505351109945,0.0,0.04296886473785644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221979568439205,0.03732930790487568,0.0,0.10153273591356364,0.0,0.05690413113078765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201607343884036,0.0,0.0460749185905109,0.0,0.0,0.04495846807683092,0.0,0.0,0.2445350402227951 bpd,jumptheship,2018/01/08,"BPD is costing me my job. Looking back at all of my relationships, work, personal, etc. I feel like everything was a trainwreck. The only one I'm willing to discuss today is more on a professional level because it's my livelihood. I never had a good working relationship with anyone. I had this honeymoon phase with someone when I first start at a company, then slowly turn sour as I get to know people. In my current situation, my emotions got out of whack, I went to see a psychiatrist, got medicated, but no proper diagnosis. My emotions are everywhere and uncontrollable. I ended up being intellectually slow which is costing me my job. Since I disclosed my disability to my employer, they can't fire me under Human Rights, but I feel humiliated and traumatized by my whole situation. They have been trying to get me fired. I saw evidence of a case they are building on me. My PMs have been setting me up for failure. All achievements are negligible. Anything tiny that I have done wrong puts them in a hissy fit and magnifies my mistakes by 100x. I wasn't given everything that I needed, I wasn't trained properly to do xyz, they won't help me when I ask for it. They've been pushing me into a corner to get me to quit. I'm away on medical leave and I can't even bring myself to think about going back to work. With Canadian healthcare, it's a year long wait to get treatment. I'm low on money and I don't know what to do anymore.",4.151742969260951,5.90592415467626,5.892138652714197,75.32563767168084,71.84172661870504,8.795552648790059,30.98168737737083,9.339509955726095,2.9802820143884903,1137,51,208,26,22,390,160,278,0.139,0.8170000000000001,0.044,-0.9797,4,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,5,6,7,6,0,1,10,0,26,3,0,0,3,23,52,11,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,8,10,0,1,5,0,3,5,8,4,0,2,14,8,44,2,38,35,5,39,0,1,3,0,12,19,0,0,15,148,52,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163249443722514,0.08201526608282603,0.0,0.0965236435156016,0.0,0.1096548239969796,0.0,0.11020234543781836,0.18038495434181084,0.0,0.07150183418973195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772872094818815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003332577384827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26388177234482657,0.1038883964576265,0.0,0.13081473089938292,0.07747212303593799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108340438000979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861557162410978,0.08379544355819275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997709148215358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451268112267795,0.0,0.06666134983385782,0.09838133083874727,0.18762276687719825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862024604681764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327940219071409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892433219278734,0.0,0.0,0.12419827940262572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730432474977905,0.0,0.0,0.10380222553122168,0.0984981081834925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632438423063054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697262353336795,0.09046499695066038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948200632264865,0.08920799687668952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131746008531468,0.10241731342404303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179136921507912,0.0,0.12475748023718022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518614827828279,0.0,0.10016913624500537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346878612441596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702748802148528,0.2636885865261177,0.0,0.0,0.0993835211962456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302187801611742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515778513877353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111817753834784,0.0,0.0,0.07963548402395625,0.1275830831910077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873347419246107,0.0,0.13095547880567132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561760799852185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824347351276474,0.0,0.07553401906149346 bpd,etredansnoscoeurs,2018/01/08,"how can i help my neurotypical s/o understand my mental illness? im concerned i could be hurting the otherwise healthy, loving relationship we have..",3.7396153846153837,7.011228730769233,5.5526923076923085,66.8298076923077,88.61538461538461,8.753846153846155,37.269230769230774,8.841846274778883,5.0414153846153855,121,8,17,4,4,41,23,26,0.17,0.536,0.293,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29220190495811416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453058713363003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917846744274409,0.0,0.3953166770997885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303074576220317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688175385504273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929210578487818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809937255562376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cemeterydrives,2018/01/08,"Therapy help? I distrust people who work in any medical field until they have proven to me they are ok, due to shitty experiences in the past. But I really need to try again w a mental health professional. I need a diagnosis, meds adjusted, and help dealing with my new psychotic symptoms. How do I know If i can trust a new therapist? How do I get a therapist to work with me the way I *know* I need, not act bored when I talk and say things that are at best useless and at worst actively harmful? How do I explain to a therapist what seems to be wrong, without skewing my symptoms so I get the answers I want or expect? I want to get something out of it this time. ",0.9648134328358218,3.395959716417913,3.2628171641791037,86.58661380597017,86.16417910447761,6.932089552238806,24.792910447761198,8.07648339933343,1.8008223880597019,518,22,106,12,16,177,85,134,0.117,0.721,0.162,0.5226,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,6,9,1,0,8,1,8,4,0,3,0,26,20,12,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,1,19,3,17,19,2,15,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,3,8,73,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440223619641752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568283390553213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311713622721636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357924188949194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217582875113734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755897443583965,0.0,0.0,0.1860959948733336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258348243091044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419752249280266,0.1398463614895012,0.1398977252142093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087994069660093,0.0,0.26814608945724056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251922354022302,0.09624018237069464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893152973931936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103950906510948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637634809345946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687027759118096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288573886966538,0.0,0.11157811086040263,0.0,0.0,0.15875255951446898,0.4835415227675483,0.092225718317484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094695191109877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424954367245633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375905005204766,0.1101887095565552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381735021944766,0.0,0.20212496087081214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517776780751756,0.0,0.0 bpd,anon120,2018/01/08,"Barely getting through the day. Pretty straightforward. Mourning love lost has to be the hardest thing I’ll have to do this year and I’m not fairing well at all. I can’t get out of bed without crying. I’ve shunned all of my family and friends. I’ve stopped doing things that bring me joy. I feel bleak. I feel lost and alone and defeated and broken. I don’t know what to do. The pain gnaws at my heart every waking moment and alcohol seems to be the only thing that can quiet my volatile thoughts and insatiable cries. We don’t do well with abandonment and rejection and good byes. Hopefully someone here can relate. Anyone that has ever truly loved another human and lost them will relate to this, probably. I just want him back. But I can’t always get what I want. And it’s killing me. I want to tear my hair out and cry until I lose my voice. And curse the fucking universe for dealing me these bullshit cards. And telling god to go fuck himself for putting the most amazing human being in my life, only to tear him the fuck away from me. And to genetics for making me into the insecure, explosive asshole that drove him away. Fuck. ",2.4694653349001183,4.944595139639642,3.2698433215824534,88.81101645123384,79.58558558558559,6.203211907559734,24.967489228358804,7.423996415210882,1.3101047395221308,899,34,173,13,23,284,132,222,0.246,0.61,0.14400000000000002,-0.9796,0,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,1,5,6,24,5,1,8,0,17,12,3,1,3,40,43,17,2,4,4,0,3,0,1,1,3,2,1,2,13,20,1,2,5,0,0,4,6,15,2,0,5,5,26,9,27,34,3,19,0,8,0,6,14,8,4,3,8,117,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164513237091549,0.0,0.11285572787601968,0.0,0.0,0.09066829189464247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426016391183401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619143541693643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475395097154175,0.0837879900617615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35908151220386897,0.0702739398358856,0.112338976471474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856582323666592,0.09180840359943428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027232780489202,0.0,0.11019278600784548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418672277359161,0.40294858155164986,0.17079043175648126,0.0,0.06192778702373473,0.09139536055717667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912502218281002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822764661242416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055453597818933,0.0,0.05988476535586911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696578166456285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219048809889718,0.3568471957977781,0.0,0.1966918149879459,0.0,0.07273553145259537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574683366485649,0.11594731588938954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085741357443726,0.11748358458376484,0.0,0.0,0.1095407463679592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919839069782983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923263862740438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110030527402206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524093015722472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171761482919271,0.0,0.0,0.08650669003775233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928125927727599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19594671816163384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503916270313647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701704159478491 bpd,Boknows1,2018/01/08,"I wrote a poem describing my struggles with BPD. It talks about using art as a way to cope with the constant emotional pain. A stare into space A wrinkle on your face Sends me into panic A feeling I've learned to embrace Did I stutter Did I groan Did I hurt you I hear your moan The paranoia and dread Fill the brim of my head Like an old glass of wine Bubbling over with red I go back to my cave I sit and think awhile But nothing is resolved So I give the mirror a smile It's all I can think to do To tame the taunting bruise Of thoughts past and present Of neuroses forever new My cave is where I sleep But rest I cannot keep I wake with achy eyes A fate I gladly reap But maybe the lack of sleep The rest I cannot keep Will be buffered slightly by The gift that I must reap Maybe that gift is cursed Maybe it's all for naught But the aching obsession remains To fight for what's been fought Beauty is in the mind It's not out there to find So here in my cave I'll rest And fight for one more time ",-0.18180555555555605,2.0330181342592617,0.9688888888888912,102.365,89.87962962962963,3.9407407407407407,18.185185185185183,5.3279370663704135,-0.7344370370370368,791,22,190,4,27,246,127,216,0.171,0.73,0.099,-0.9342,0,0,1,0,2,0,2.0,0,3,0,1,7,13,3,4,18,0,15,8,6,1,3,32,27,11,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,11,1,2,7,2,0,3,3,10,0,1,7,5,24,3,29,17,7,21,0,1,3,0,11,9,0,0,8,116,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085145247044955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979458936953271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984131408864947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767913271076899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794681805291988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436474707133024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507685717839544,0.089321429056627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129832539792108,0.0,0.17713823698447007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825014933774912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279393879641202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678368635697165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736850734357221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586935132439933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179252986049854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150805639406604,0.0,0.1649199608152394,0.0,0.1065001894909271,0.0,0.16723639658803113,0.18440120023511888,0.0,0.0,0.15003335112613722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145603075906828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430470703499656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632459983912214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20141208631561447,0.0,0.12477276435163538,0.09164513746929843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574152356659724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247515712014168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,schizodepressive,2018/01/08,"Do you have hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia? Hello all. First time posting here, so hopefully this is okay. First of all, I know absolutely nothing about BPD besides what I've read on wikipedia. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective about a decade ago and that's been my stable diagnosis since then. I recently started seeing a new psychiatrist. She says it could be borderline. From what I've read, the symptoms don't seem to match. The reason that I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective is that I hallucinate and have delusions and paranoia. From what I've read, that's not characteristic of BPD. Am I wrong? Do any of you hallucinate or have paranoia and delusions as part of your BPD?",5.1215860215053794,8.032331104838711,5.188387096774196,76.26924731182797,72.62903225806451,8.649462365591399,31.30107526881721,9.2995712137729,3.2516849462365602,563,26,95,14,12,176,75,124,0.08,0.857,0.063,-0.2614,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,2,4,3,0,0,4,1,14,3,0,1,2,16,19,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,2,10,2,13,14,3,10,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,3,8,65,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164221359719738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098963656620492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5611169034079881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857050182476242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014623132586637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25263941642725385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750064416875702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161538888041897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434286792984013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424961670427298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081826520538922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222835073307305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456406113538312,0.0,0.0,0.15268960329511225,0.14663243292384415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809847449323872,0.0,0.0,0.11834059867485112,0.13519490616692625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284626233505888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511379418643528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543553052419839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659544078632918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236874427192982,0.0,0.0 bpd,ctrlaltdaithi,2018/01/08,"Needing to be needed, and then proving why others can't trust needing you in the first place. I have to call myself out on my behaviour and talk myself down from whatever moment I just had. The Mrs is going through something traumatic for the past month or so. It's been a nightmare and I've not been much help to her, though she'll say otherwise (emotional support and that). Her strength has been something else! Through everything, she's been fierce protective of her close circle, when it should be the other way around. Tonight was no different. She's getting ready to take on another round of legal phone calls tomorrow, pertaining to injury sustained and medical costs. She's doing her best to not worry me over finances. I'm feeling useless once more, and decide to treat us to some Italian takeaway once finished with work. I get home and realize I'm after leaving the food I'd picked up for us in the cab home. Food left in cab = none of this would have happened if she didn't make me feel so goddamned useless = I lost my absolute shit on her and threatened to leave her since she didn't need me and could handle herself so well without me. So here I am, after roaring it all out, ordering us another round of dinner and having the absolute mother of all anxiety attacks over going back home. She was crying when I left. I feel like an absolute c*nt. And I don't know what to say for myself when I get home. I'd never leave her, I don't know why I even said such a horrible thing. But I felt that way in that moment. Was that splitting? Making a balls of 2018, and it's just begun lads. 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It's ruining me. I met this guy online, he's in florida I'm in the UK. Everything was great at first. He was the sweetest ever. Understood me. Took the time to talk me down when I was upset. Now it's like am just a chore to him. Past month I've realised how little he wants to talk to me. I'll still texts saying he love me, but he'll always use convo stoppers, just sent one word replies and shit. He never calls me anymore. We used to video chat for like 10 hours everyday. The past 2 weeks I've spoke to him for about 20mins. When I ask he says he's not feeling well, or he's busy. I tried my best to keep it all in. Up until I received the daily 'I love you' text today, and I tried to create conversation and all he replies is a love heart emoticon. So went crazy. I couldn't not. Out of my control. This guy is the love of my life. He is clearly drifting away. So I said 'HAHA YEAH HI, LOVE YOU, BYE. NOT EVEN SPOKE TO YOU IN OVER A WEEK. YEAH FUCK ME OFF' And then he was like 'wtf. Seriously wtf? I'm sick of your abusiveness, why do you think we never speak anymore' Well.... I can't work out what it is I do that is abusive, like I constant say nice things to him. This sent me over the edge I was like 'well that's all I need to know. Bye I'll be off. Fuck this world' And so he calls me, it's like I have to threaten suicide to get him to speak to me. And he's being so nice. He's telling me I just need to relax and breathe. He says no matter how much I push him away that he's not going anywhere. We spoke for a whole 20 mins, I began to calm down he said he loves me and thinks about me constantly. Then he was like 'hey I'm just gonna eat some food and I'll call you right back, ok love you' 7 hours I have been waiting for this dick shit to call me. Every time. This keeps happening. I was literally sat waiting. I thought right, this is pure taking this piss. And so I have text him saying 'this is not enough, you're making me worse and I love you so much which is why this is not working'. 2 hours ago I sent that. He's not even read it yet. He doesn't work, it's not like he's busy. He just sits at home watching tv. 9 hours ignored for someone who apparently 'is constantly thinking of me'. Bullshit. He'll pretend he fell asleep or something, honestly from what he texts me he is literally only awake 1 hour per day. Which I find very unlikely. I feel like saying a whole lot more to him. But I'm trying my best to stay sane. But I think it's past that point. I regret sending that last text. Damn I'm so on the edge. Like he was my way out of the crap life I am living. He is my everything. I love him so much and this is what I get. Damn I just want to die. I can't keep doing this. All my relationships I'm fucking up and I don't know what I'm doing. Now I'm losing this amazing guy. I just want to kill myself right now. I have no one. ",-1.0805134788189967,0.9607833046252026,1.1681497257556297,100.30649929980163,93.14673046251991,4.2706577974870665,16.099292021628347,5.878986760417954,-0.7665955031703429,2200,53,547,19,82,732,252,627,0.166,0.638,0.196,0.9764,1,0,1,0,0,3,81.0,3,8,0,8,35,49,10,1,14,4,39,25,8,6,9,83,105,33,3,7,20,0,2,10,0,3,3,13,2,3,36,19,2,8,11,6,0,12,17,16,3,3,24,16,80,33,56,75,15,81,0,3,1,13,96,26,10,4,52,307,116,4,0.0,0.1294109285137617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048409625282634185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0454409791327336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831947667825953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105419656419303,0.0,0.1026182342141638,0.041992721252479805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462238704372475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305698615343136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704625340990734,0.0612512202996266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035219772722399165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667791077119159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055880996961936366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056428074789283765,0.0,0.07214050150371991,0.049399050354920176,0.04601237836287054,0.0,0.09816223602611747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552262316287902,0.03901432596090396,0.0,0.0,0.04991374181259788,0.04645234665488454,0.06603620467567023,0.0,0.0,0.15146180960756914,0.05706430391001562,0.0,0.031036862160719512,0.0,0.0,0.060209154639149776,0.0,0.16222132861324187,0.09658519023270007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471465730644854,0.0,0.0,0.05477958990342598,0.0,0.26890566550961725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562310672630152,0.06041931571962239,0.0,0.06002588812562579,0.04451550103057092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714715708150646,0.2668032424942979,0.05473487277081119,0.04822278130416747,0.0,0.0,0.061096079317730735,0.0,0.04642857711309216,0.44359950023925576,0.0,0.03645346898986829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043590221240025616,0.0,0.12043677465989168,0.08098717878017722,0.08423920750856079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401206488142666,0.041534357008916216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639800507873544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051625333514014535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462608185439555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863210199169075,0.0,0.13991326377922414,0.10389571052602396,0.2605746017380917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211543602205286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04627198003194576,0.04204244931654051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058208383010207775,0.043612657327850315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973590199341024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106090359108282,0.08778899384221163,0.04773268613999683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362813232588097,0.1399708720853,0.0,0.043355274646787886,0.06368858020691899,0.0,0.051765129958536216,0.0,0.060675167332464995,0.1112324704006375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943332636057946,0.0,0.045060044547977365,0.09663348477873952,0.04334791058097488,0.0876117867445169,0.0,0.14730636055420002,0.05062522524939191,0.09855641389487807,0.1219431396157622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927303757261087,0.0,0.0556535835962538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jelaina,2018/01/09,"Musicians, Music and BPD For a long time I have wondered how many creative people, especially song writers have diagnosed/undiagnosed Borderline PD. It’s well known that many people with bipolar are highly creative. But I often think about borderline creativity, especially when it comes to music. If you think about the lyrics in popular music, that everyone relates to, because it totally explains how they feel, it all seems to come from such a Borderline perspective; The deep emotion expressed in music and lyrics; the songs about the euphoria of falling in love and the pain and devastation of breakups, and the general drama of relationships. I often listen to music, and think this song must have been written by someone with BPD.....normals don’t feel emotions this intensely! ",10.72788961038961,11.004909083333335,9.732467532467536,58.87227272727276,56.65151515151515,12.997402597402596,44.61471861471861,12.28987398476788,6.102080952380952,637,34,87,18,7,201,84,132,0.054000000000000006,0.7909999999999999,0.155,0.937,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,0,8,0,7,3,0,2,3,29,20,11,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,8,10,0,0,9,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,2,6,5,3,18,17,2,11,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,5,3,63,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126005579501147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184233508204859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861807742987657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737062593390211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872669941675172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798197608390006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550596702389706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700348974330665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992215442693133,0.0,0.0,0.3368220679679542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275404488514328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675439518642455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032165925975814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834163338753847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122171148824404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074577268511138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193127114636144,0.0,0.0,0.0968609774884488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493542277876646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014088427188515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ratcatching,2018/01/09,"Can't stop checking up on ex FP's instagram Its been about 1.5 years since I was cut off from my FP. Weird situation but he was a married man, which was trouble waiting to happen. He was my best friend for 2 years prior to messing around though.... I took things too far with him and his wife cut me off from him. Last time I saw him we had a huge fight and he treated me like garbage. He was so fed up with me that he told his wife everything. He regretted it later as he tried to make amends with me. We were such close friends too. He didn't block me on instagram though. Anyway Its painful because I see everything he's up to, and he's slowly accomplishing all of his life dreams. He seems to love his wife again too, but she is controlling so he might just be trying to stay on her good side. I know that he misses my friendship because he still hints at inside jokes we used to have on his posts. It's really messed up because I hate him for being an abusive asshole but I also miss him. I wish I was a strong enough person to move on but every day is mental hell. My happiness is directly correlated to his life..the better he is doing, the worse i feel. Ive lost most of my friends because of my avoidance, and I don't know who I am. I wish I could just be like him....compartmentalize my bad feelings, work on my hobbies and move on. But I'm just a weird anomaly of depression, emptiness, and contradictions. I also cannot stop thinking horrible things about his wife...I know that it doesn't matter but I keep thinking immature shit about her looks...she's really not attractive at all and I know that he is ashamed to be seen with her. I even wrote his wife an apology a few months ago, and she accepted it. But I feel fake because I still dislike her and even if I was to see him again I'd have to spend time with her. I'm 25/F and he's almost 40. I just want to be free from this hell and accept the fact i'll probably never see him again. He was the closest friend I ever had, I wish I never took it so far. He used to tell me that I was the most amazing person he's ever met, and I felt the same about him. Put sex into the equation and I turn into a devil woman. I’ll never find anyone as unique and funny as he was. I’m an oddball and I’ve always had trouble connecting with others. I’m a very attractive woman but all of the men I’m interested in are unobtainable. My future looks very lonely, just me hanging out here with my mom well into my 30s.",1.991030008826126,3.603765807766994,3.6388503971756414,89.8209057811121,77.33009708737866,6.701235657546338,22.772506619594,7.520522993642371,0.8022135922330098,1921,57,424,26,44,640,235,515,0.191,0.624,0.185,-0.7040000000000001,0,3,0,0,1,0,59.0,3,0,0,7,33,47,7,2,17,0,38,6,1,4,9,92,82,34,0,7,15,6,4,2,4,1,2,0,0,6,18,31,1,7,14,2,3,6,9,25,1,0,26,10,73,23,59,49,9,58,3,6,6,2,71,27,3,6,25,269,91,2,0.0,0.09960574897808236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452039853824753,0.0,0.08418104216607772,0.0,0.0,0.1344568350099412,0.06995054919696403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878166049177156,0.0,0.0,0.07483752891045027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019250449372097,0.2562325736793455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882232191845509,0.07435050504669813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942883842011387,0.06712072677460214,0.0,0.0,0.0542163151310571,0.0,0.07240685712910212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686377135730325,0.0,0.11105103357895114,0.1520869826348425,0.07083014489938165,0.0,0.15110815064903851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752053233366012,0.0,0.08071758508309124,0.0,0.07683579268985374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25980008534618765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051148236538933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434024563308504,0.08949097520768272,0.0,0.0829988419789275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472268780064696,0.0,0.0,0.18480428549561734,0.06852589456249976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875813659456225,0.08214186268078416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059517856683811,0.0,0.09176915400022773,0.0,0.07587382641410194,0.0,0.05611543203167742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471984889445906,0.08918189217779271,0.0,0.09845835391835007,0.0671015452032917,0.17870001424257334,0.0,0.0,0.1945131555790828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945330561428523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680827201344893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051302914502115,0.0,0.0906385362681342,0.0,0.0,0.08451063991354242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771105462839907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097174763762396,0.07653151684859551,0.0,0.0,0.0862936546799701,0.06954116144046357,0.09449492581710403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960432713251534,0.13427216535589667,0.14056769467619076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347833770011969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170087159139304,0.10773358718069216,0.1651909683687398,0.0,0.09804038663065824,0.0,0.0,0.08032970233695208,0.1868032493369513,0.11415206481843795,0.09144084801302214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452139395476612,0.0,0.13872829869108802,0.04958494483833288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558640546948986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900189967517858,0.0,0.0,0.061201839116946516,0.0,0.08567154167091359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827289298964914 bpd,quietwreck,2018/01/09,"DEA not know what happy should feel like? Ok so for me happy is either like a nice warm glow where I feel like nothing could hurt me and all is right in the world, which I think is the more normal happy... or I get really restless exited happy where I feel like I should be talking to everyone and the tiniest thing will make me laugh.. like I can't sit still and end up coming across as almost hyperactive. Then I get happy then upset, or more commonly happy then really anxious haha.. I'd like to hear your experiences with 'happy' ",1.35874725274725,3.9434157904761946,3.1809523809523803,86.64263736263739,86.33333333333334,5.897435897435898,16.64835164835165,7.321109707123232,0.3857472527472528,418,9,80,7,13,139,68,105,0.18,0.621,0.199,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,21,0,2,4,2,9,0,0,1,1,21,19,10,0,4,4,0,4,6,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,11,18,8,14,4,17,0,1,1,0,3,9,0,3,12,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676336015915744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044893340984493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918426839254667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512646247172424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944326398636154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101878863950842,0.0,0.10429367719295486,0.0,0.0,0.16172905645865546,0.2285055467278366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114078793916912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.794484111846683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201671735759356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141376658356317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859492227596539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125314575779821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116889891509218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044638189871716,0.10230364575883244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660550906137894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105190079945266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514593773358052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856961792902413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083281506705626,0.06831704308624706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loonymoonyme,2018/01/09,"Do you know any natural remedy? I've been diagnosed with BPD long time ago. Now I'm not in therapy, I can't afford a psychiatrist even if I'd like to, but I'm not doing any better. My mood swings are seriously invalidating, I feel anxious because I don't know how I'm going to be next morning. I can't be constant, can't make plans, because my mood goes up and down every fucking day, it's restless. I don't know what causes this, because, honestly, I feel good, I feel positive, I want to do things -- except that I can't, because when I'm low (like now) my mind is useless, I try all day to be productive, but it's like trying to fly when you're a fish. I can't handle it anymore. There are so many things I'd want to do, but I feel caged, my mood is not mine. Why am I suddenly depressed if nothing, literally NOTHING, has happened, for fuck's sake????? I'm so angry! So, the question: is there any natural remedy that works for you? 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This is super weird, I had bad showing of BPD.. constantly, (formally diagnosed). I’ve been in and out of hospital over it, a couple of months ago I was given a higher dose of fluoxetine and since then I’ve become better to the point I barely display symptoms? I have no feelings of self harm, and I’ve been pretty... normal? Will this last? I really hope it does because it’s fantastic. Of course I’m still neurotic and over emotional at times but I’m fairly able to self soothe and handle my emotions and also hold steady and stable relationships with people.. (and a job). 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Lately I have been seriously struggling with accepting that this is a forever problem I will face. I hate the fact that life is so unpredictable and that we cannot control what others do to us. I hate that even when I am doing really really well, something unplanned could happen and make everything fall through the cracks. I worry about this when thinking about what I want out of life.... like being a good, responsible, organized mother, worker, wife, ect. I am so scared that I will never be able to lead that kind of life, because I so easily lose my step. Ugh why can't I just be my own individual, where outside factors dont effect who I am and how I function. Its exhausting having every little damn thing effect you individually. 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That episode completely caught me by surprise and brought forth a very intense episode of depersonalization. The last 5-10 minutes made me feel as if I was completely feeling all that was happening to the protagonist. I did not know TV could make me feel this way.",8.578384615384618,9.697132646153849,7.6305769230769265,69.29817307692309,61.0,10.807692307692307,40.865384615384606,10.686352973137794,4.603076923076923,302,16,50,7,4,93,50,65,0.0,0.898,0.102,0.5413,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,2,1,13,14,5,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,5,5,1,5,7,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,28,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525837051500552,0.2714713692652315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555875794326587,0.0,0.0,0.2115400682120291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133073589025007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40189824223572135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842481950723606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234293360453784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560893869228342,0.2159686449570247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507009731884076,0.17685539013293688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861051852582128,0.0,0.21030403551927293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miss_kay4,2018/01/09,"Moved to another country and can't do it :( I would like to say first that I have not been diagnosed with BPD. But since this past summer I have had a strong feeling that I do. Anyways. It's been my dream for many years to live abroad. Traveling is one of my passions, especially traveling solo. I applied for this program in another country that's for 10 months last January. But this past summer I started feeling very depressed and it was when I thought I might have BPD. I had a small feeling that I shouldn't go and prioritize my mental health, but I did anyways. I've been here for almost 5 months and I think I'm going home. I feel really defeated that I couldn't even make it til the end, I feel like such a failure :( I think I need to go home and get help. It's my dream to be here and it's not like I expected it was going to be. I just don't feel like myself and how I should be living here. I get to travel every weekend and do these amazing things but it's not making me happy. I guess I was running away from my problems, but they just followed me here. I've been laying in bed crying for the past 2 days and wanted to vent. ",1.829901960784312,3.5515265000000014,3.50563025210084,90.11485994397758,78.11764705882355,6.382072829131652,23.51820728291317,7.2636822038024595,0.8429165266106442,889,29,193,11,21,296,118,238,0.096,0.7490000000000001,0.155,0.7923,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,12,11,0,0,5,0,27,3,0,3,0,43,50,17,0,8,10,0,6,4,0,4,2,1,3,0,18,10,0,0,9,6,0,10,7,3,0,2,11,7,32,8,20,31,0,30,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,3,20,133,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383423404679413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384070668047879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680622886530107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863523007044039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487229018623525,0.07331428249139077,0.0,0.09791253361731857,0.11538294398144815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068685747494603,0.0,0.0,0.0750846569624604,0.0,0.09578041664223592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34488055148576463,0.16242622218228045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669626467743504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878635702758937,0.0,0.2584281617070406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523148501058315,0.0,0.0,0.12101461748085007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083666748220713,0.0,0.0,0.07619739815302537,0.0,0.2280608884445256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926644826337981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221534868384413,0.0,0.20076328367705945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176474558080585,0.11525381399187032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456283813206485,0.12059665841240595,0.0,0.0,0.18147679822027904,0.12082399268306868,0.0,0.08429237959696605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703260147725377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32556165582920044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877653626737684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282640536693832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040300606368568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940373823322609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046338459483958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552403030886584,0.14568328049007595,0.0,0.0902493289209936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379801684421626,0.06705148891823415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075510619474077,0.0,0.0,0.0732062797297719 bpd,PorgFanatic,2018/01/09,"Should I warn people? It just seems like I’m such a hassle to deal with that it would be the right thing to warn people ahead of time. On the other hand there is so much stigma that I wonder if I’d be shooting myself in the foot so to speak. Do you tell people you might have to be around often about your diagnosis? Should we or no? I don’t know. ",0.8831428571428575,2.6051801333333344,2.4339047619047642,96.696,81.0,4.819047619047621,13.38095238095238,5.288315135182226,-1.2701047619047623,270,2,64,1,7,88,55,75,0.067,0.8490000000000001,0.084,0.5007,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,1,3,0,1,8,1,0,0,4,0,11,2,2,0,0,14,15,4,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,11,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,6,3,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24528700528680444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28406731030033083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142833553346302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461382142747344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923019984301864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255194209535649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5730695247867373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353077237696864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508392092998045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24083212888390945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305503054065125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066827154708851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988089245163718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573410436832125,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlelakes,2018/01/09,"I think I have BPD, not sure what to do with this information. So I think I have BDP, I have been suspecting this for a while. My sister has it, and I'm pretty sure that some of the drama and alcoholism in my extended family might possibly be expression of this, at the very least there is a lot of addictions, mental illness and trauma in my family in general. After a big crying fight with my husband this morning, I told him I was scared and that I think I might have BPD. My husband, who is a social worker (kind of) works with a lot of people with mental health issues, asked me to sit down, and said ""I know, I've been wondering that for over a year now, and the behaviours go back even further."" He says that he doesn't know if I have BDP but that I have a lot of the traits (I'm good at stable relationships even though I tend to push people away). It's like I'm in control 90-95% of the time, but like 5-10% of the time I just lose it. I am an inconsolable anxious wreck and I will just talk and say terrible hurtful things until someone shuts me up, leaves the room, or I literally run out of breath/saliva/voice/etc. This always just leaves me exhausted. This combined with issues around abandonment (and once I am sure someone won't abandon me I start becoming afraid that they're going to die on me and start saving voicemails and things from them, and start telling them that I love them all the time incase they die while walking home or something). I also learned that this feeling of emptiness and constant longing for something is not something felt by all humans all the time (go figure?). All of this on top of childhood trauma, and a generally difficult (but really rewarding) life, and it sounds like I this sub might be for me. The good news is that I have a good support network, a psychologist, and a family doctor. After two years of trying and failing to address some of the issues in my life, things are starting to turn around. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD in November, and now that I'm taking medication for that I am starting to feel like I have the energy to deal with my other issues in life. This sounds like it is going to be a big one to work on. I don't really know what to do with this info, I'm going to talk to my psychologist, but truth be told I am already exhausted from getting this far. The idea of working on me over the next few years to deal with this sounds like a huge task, and I don't want to take on yet another thing, but I'm hoping by dealing with this, dealing with my trauma, maybe I won't be such a mess 5-10% of the time, and I can actually learn to grow in my personal life. Even though there's BDP in my family, I can't really talk to anyone about it. As I'm fairly new with all of this, are there any tips or techniques that you've found that help? Is there anyway that works for you to regain composure while you watch yourself being an unreasonable jerk? tldnr; my husband and myself suppect I have BDP for a number of reasons. I have a doctor, psychologist, and support network. Not sure what to do, besides talk to them. Any suggests or tips for dealing with BDP/emotions that take over your life?",6.080849909584085,5.6334929620253185,6.669057866184449,79.41048101265824,66.37341772151899,9.817793851717905,30.557142857142853,9.312151188531436,2.4336796021699816,2480,79,500,41,35,815,259,632,0.127,0.759,0.114,-0.7704,0,0,4,0,1,0,82.0,0,3,5,10,24,38,2,2,33,0,47,16,0,2,10,100,90,41,2,3,16,4,3,6,0,6,15,6,3,2,45,38,1,3,19,1,0,9,9,17,0,2,9,10,63,21,93,69,12,72,0,5,1,1,42,33,0,15,35,353,108,10,0.0,0.0,0.056020945111358786,0.06258209707939058,0.06899205095012466,0.0,0.0,0.06135061803255334,0.0,0.0,0.06335004542351155,0.045908352382366784,0.04776721780840485,0.0,0.0,0.07807744901536752,0.06019623864473748,0.0,0.06485356299867708,0.0,0.040140305002380514,0.0,0.0,0.10220879134608496,0.05366779004016186,0.0,0.053935760610523915,0.04414243488406466,0.0,0.0,0.06340151466374247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446041986984066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203656633432182,0.064386825216432,0.0,0.0,0.06305888731327293,0.0,0.2959204505430441,0.0,0.05826689052910356,0.11915879280790392,0.0,0.0,0.11751698185735647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457514150958843,0.0,0.0,0.06402397319302372,0.11375033440862108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647281950597966,0.0,0.05805340213388011,0.04101156800294708,0.05511971688422157,0.06288655592426316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629438058711584,0.0,0.0,0.029992784992513306,0.0,0.163128588249606,0.14445078879897766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061020950178039324,0.0,0.0,0.03847869800842228,0.0,0.05758389568870704,0.05701809817520353,0.0,0.0,0.0614553744249932,0.06480550865251965,0.0,0.23967194783325546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597805502522859,0.09464814778300826,0.0,0.0,0.12157143551683733,0.0,0.0,0.20274128803691208,0.16827694525226375,0.0,0.0,0.05080338322064682,0.0,0.06422374217520654,0.0,0.1464161202832325,0.0518120534275492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057673041523994224,0.0,0.0,0.05783150695955413,0.11570549541910995,0.18269924613003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544403255635587,0.0610529894152646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061136575076552485,0.03890046485699726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795975628865743,0.05012557289290247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471776020545644,0.0,0.058403551111780236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032917109029007,0.05902395098053188,0.0,0.06163362761662434,0.0,0.0,0.054607197388497584,0.09130469159569364,0.057474415751543835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851920097672578,0.09728151949172796,0.13258412596057115,0.0,0.0,0.20316482922044754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028955303508866,0.21642164994419955,0.0,0.12948874535797286,0.18456626904066314,0.050176243094792974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255462391498448,0.11035225133795472,0.11280416031949295,0.0,0.1673723993581644,0.0,0.0,0.1097096858298878,0.0,0.03897558064989525,0.062442324667450165,0.05607829160134903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047366782218589455,0.033860132440721204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225543620325835,0.16717190146098346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090466597238274 bpd,robynhood96,2018/01/09,"Does anyone else notice they’ve changed friends groups way too many times in the last few years Does anyone else with BPD notice they’ve changed friends groups way too many times in the last few years? Like I’m never the reason for the friend group to “drift apart” but since I was 15 (21 now) I’ve had 8 different friends groups and each time my personality and taste in shit fit in whatever the group mainly was like even tho I’m still kinda the same. Some people have moved with me through friend groups but it’s so weird never having a single friend group to grow with like my little sister has done since she was in 6th grade (senior in HS now) or how my mom has had the same friends for 20 years now (some since she was 16 years old). I feel I’ll never have a friend that’s with me my whole life and it sucks. Even the friend groups Im apart of I’ve always felt like I’m the least cared about one and the one that has to push everyone to invite her and care about her. Blah. Sorry for the rant",3.9382194616977237,4.6381349855072465,3.6295686680469315,95.37532608695656,71.1256038647343,6.687232574189098,20.09972394755004,6.18269132825596,-0.2463551414768808,790,11,184,4,14,236,106,207,0.084,0.698,0.219,0.9867,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,14,18,2,0,13,0,13,3,1,2,3,25,21,11,0,0,3,2,2,5,9,0,1,0,0,1,4,10,1,0,3,0,0,4,3,3,0,2,8,3,12,15,21,13,11,34,0,0,0,0,24,10,2,4,22,98,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726029340605476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202108688630035,0.1788055861884668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989429136410207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779240466527206,0.0,0.18460789210481326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116263276468498,0.0,0.0,0.15271442310154068,0.08929189389394257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578027907508498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526186657356766,0.0,0.0,0.08337564392026636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044118618589242285,0.0,0.08377823440403613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6067151657016332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425009290132792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224851874578673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616306037573092,0.1705130355168781,0.08745217278403764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769252237120487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219169769655333,0.0,0.09273798061356443,0.0,0.0,0.2018887052430764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19868020112357065,0.0915591724952972,0.0,0.11825214088312573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049145077712064,0.07618747397195541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971240565487844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956573740303747,0.2165340694183572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767453851788648,0.0,0.0,0.06968174860251285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263682288841576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851750352385978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974168019003108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475676890363566 bpd,Tettrabyte,2018/01/09,"BPD in teens My question is why don’t teenagers get diagnosed as BPD. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22. I had all the symptoms in high school. *** sorry Apollo glitched ",-0.5274999999999999,0.5459260606060639,1.03693181818182,94.97539772727276,121.72727272727272,4.074242424242423,22.306818181818183,5.985473137389443,0.7692454545454552,132,6,26,2,8,42,26,33,0.044,0.956,0.0,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,4,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6059285956072509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48830636269886096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256774440330554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541542767891716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26947104681068085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243449437253472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692760252424822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25002354971420115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170589552954873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fLuFFLet0n,2018/01/09,"Literal fear of abandonment as a kid When I was still very small my parents used to go out at night for work and leave me alone in the dark house, assuming I was sleeping but I always woke up and desperately searching for them. This was usually very traumatizing to me. I thought I was lost forever. When we were out, and they told me to wait for them alone for a few minutes or I lost them, I had such huge panic attack that I started screaming and crying like I was about to die. It also always happened if they took a few minutes longer to show up at school for picking me up etc... My reaction happened almost automatically. When I was a bit older I always begged them to stay home with me. No need to tell you how annoyed they were about all this. Until this day I get a very intense fear whenever I am out with someone, and they suddenly are out of sight. Does anybody know this and are there any tips to make it a bit easier?",3.635202444614208,4.937534556149738,4.7636707410236845,84.69995989304813,72.42245989304813,7.909702062643241,27.26088617265088,8.418075326091056,1.7628597402597403,730,26,151,12,14,240,110,187,0.259,0.6859999999999999,0.055,-0.9922,1,2,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,8,3,10,10,2,3,7,0,12,1,1,4,1,28,28,16,1,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,7,13,0,2,3,1,0,2,1,9,0,0,15,2,30,1,31,13,6,26,0,3,1,0,14,12,0,4,12,109,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265468827460128,0.2617739641882569,0.0,0.10106250110823384,0.31546380465747514,0.0,0.0,0.08593972412604421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437704599347527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275938792294258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881763422704407,0.08150179063208947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115789399174851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059211669854124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409421712171652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844153111735926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660260216114649,0.0,0.07182215120006227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22350700598075365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676500505584798,0.0,0.0,0.14582044523101495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945271062763862,0.0,0.0,0.13381348598963308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174072212539707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759077358072271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435667716663295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370588704321388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185949155629126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827450730063138,0.14032511971752396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278988280599418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646684122683058,0.0,0.1070776139988382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944928193995484,0.13469954739694476,0.10092369688072726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045782216576024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032808970433754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075727694842847,0.14040791300599556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914792041164326,0.13918484088308933,0.3128192517511261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200292321509794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oceanstream23,2018/01/09,"Solitude Does anyone else ever think they would be better off just moving away from people, cutting off social media etc. I find interacting with people so hard, I sometimes long to be a hermit. Of course, you would need money from somewhere I guess.",7.003333333333334,8.359381777777777,6.517777777777781,75.05000000000003,64.55555555555556,6.8888888888888875,26.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,1.3241111111111112,200,5,30,1,3,62,38,45,0.076,0.858,0.066,0.1365,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,8,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295304171026634,0.2387858925674685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895688754533416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061126012551134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394245283696585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468225126360245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599108595104359,0.0,0.21080585524079606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130022531905812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567293731078047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087658239215064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624073046992916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24769384388666174,0.0,0.17280262842739114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231331945365704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23756376034129115,0.0,0.0,0.2304910837604521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932817122365413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33110216311621543,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chiefstew1000,2018/01/09,"Constant Validation So, one of the things about this community, is that it never ceases to amaze me just how much in common we all have. I mean, some of the shared behavior is really obvious, and it doesn't really surprise me that I read people writing about these similar learned behaviors. Then other little, more obscure things that I thought were super weird, and unique to me, come up in here. My latest obsession, and believe me, everything I enjoy in life at one time or another, becomes totally fascinating by me, at best...or a profound obsession/addiction...is online dating. I'm sure some of you know when you get a notification on your phone that you got a ""like"" or a response to one of your Facebook posts, your brain is sent a certain signal, associated with love/attention. I had a trauma in 2009...barely left my house for 8 years, sometimes not talking to any other humans for months. My facebook likes/comments were checked and counted very frequently, Reddit upvotes were important to me for e.g. 3 days ago, I joined some dating sites..Besides work and spending time with people to that I'm obligated to...all I have done is check who has ""liked"" me, ""super liked"" me, messages me, viewed me, winked at me, us ""interested in me..you get the picture. Anyone else have a similar experience?? I feel like online dating/ having BPD are a potentially toxic mix. Not going to lie though..it's freaking awesome waking up everyday to compliments, even if they are lies or hyperbole by total strangers lol. I'd like to add that one of my close friends has recently been diagnosed with BPD, and imo it's a severe case..I told her this place was a loving and helpful community...just wanted you guys to know..how truly appreciative I am if this group, and everyone who contributes to it. I ❤ you guys.",5.87362362102531,7.161585205970148,6.680882543802728,73.10622972096044,67.08955223880596,9.885788449059053,32.774172615184945,10.074871250255047,3.484632706035044,1424,61,246,34,23,471,199,335,0.058,0.768,0.174,0.9907,0,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,2,8,1,3,8,21,0,1,13,1,21,5,2,1,7,42,36,17,0,3,8,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,0,3,20,15,0,0,5,1,3,3,4,4,0,4,11,2,37,17,37,25,8,37,0,0,1,1,28,15,0,9,23,163,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015364099030095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789389781698754,0.12010944827455325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009187942558764,0.1173639394228019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126504929834164,0.0,0.12905194616724971,0.12020693825849567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885285013628983,0.12786906794892236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866957683573672,0.0,0.12378145085173893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387145136847799,0.0,0.0,0.11625982339905287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721835597317465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568687537744837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565528021054532,0.0,0.0,0.1094517708421171,0.10294482735563816,0.1120460831003474,0.0,0.0,0.05791692519122781,0.08183030894637018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849646699422938,0.0,0.11968910147122648,0.0,0.06509803660026472,0.0,0.0916113593233246,0.0,0.0,0.2268332825812865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677647793561583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321684817581359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590085434315684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445247093463642,0.0,0.08090586653528274,0.27980224216971017,0.11480325338605354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676099674206644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247720757125598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142798659872778,0.0,0.08420307358207617,0.0,0.08834345084842264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31047211432411026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882087614690682,0.0,0.11967417727251894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970155944088256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145750706844026,0.0,0.1467597330175493,0.0,0.11309845381351108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294021993032129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328701750801445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795643363565376,0.0,0.0,0.09206618737176203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219598535300366,0.0,0.1125389705743104,0.09093519960735937,0.13358314071375807,0.0,0.0,0.1094517708421171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778241689818174,0.0,0.0,0.0945108566067037,0.06756106224444089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338944967137935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737626278148474 bpd,earthfall,2018/01/09,"Love at first sight So I'm back in school as of yesterday after about 3 years of being on welfare. I got home just now from my second day of class and I'm already kind of crushing on someone. I thought she looked really cute and then spoke to her yesterday for like a minute. I know her name and what other classes she has. That's it. But I can already sense that I'm going to start obsessing about/crush on this girl without even knowing her. I'm an idiot. How do I avoid doing this? And does anyone else do this?",0.8118847352024899,3.0815552897196232,2.33422897196262,94.20888239875393,84.88785046728971,5.061993769470405,20.1316199376947,6.42735559955562,0.1350255451713398,404,12,87,4,12,131,77,107,0.102,0.805,0.092,0.168,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,2,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,13,19,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,8,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,3,3,11,4,17,15,0,16,0,0,2,1,9,5,0,0,11,58,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852363312087588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372944251849635,0.2252699413303789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905680975104315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417898683156668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239873801328536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366268982086686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521377365296392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701063652693314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249500567021304,0.0,0.17584008888467922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053495063735049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22894770388983984,0.24165581191983504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741124571596172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462488733357396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984299344183688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408463136510152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225074792553957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186284505784506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561623626712695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745422587309322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119347382891462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158099090696452 bpd,kitty-jelly-beans,2018/01/09,"How can you be your authentic self when its a piece of shit For the past 1.5 years my bpd has been pretty under control and I had it all. But something always felt wrong and I'm pretty failing at it now. I was reading about self Identity and the questions made me see that the issue I have with working, exercising, not being impulsive, etc... It's not my authentic self. It's what I should do. I don't understand what I should do.",2.306120689655174,4.3220856321839065,3.84205459770115,86.88653017241379,77.73563218390804,7.108620689655173,24.66810344827586,8.07648339933343,1.4732999999999996,338,12,69,6,8,112,63,87,0.114,0.812,0.073,-0.5574,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,3,4,3,1,0,4,0,13,2,1,3,1,16,18,6,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,8,4,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,2,11,0,6,9,3,6,0,1,1,0,6,2,1,1,4,54,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117798260346052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288281800595944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377720933014215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026288226457329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744478322696933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896338285045461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719164549639725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344062079549238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696816117435029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353081094858952,0.0,0.18173597950335865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447808664689579,0.0,0.5686169094879973,0.0,0.18649890209244785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987138465518534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914237931252226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227016335881886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986460077640487,0.0,0.11700035039557585 bpd,Zombiegirlxxx,2018/01/09,"Workplace issues Hi my fellow BPDlers, I’ve been lurking a bit since I got my diagnosis in October, but now I feel the need to talk to people that actually get how I feel. I’ve had borderline forever as I would say based on how I was as a child and teenager, I’m now 26 and struggle with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, self-destruction through substance and exposure to emotionally unhealthy situations and relationships. But through it all I’ve been working on a career, got my degree three years ago and started working in my field. Ever since the pressures of the adult life really started after Uni I’ve been getting worse and worse. I got into two unstable and abusive relationships, the most recent one with a narcissistic bipolar man who manipulated me through cutting himself infront of me, biting and hitting me and getting me pregnant (yes I accept my responsibility in all of it) had me abort the baby and treating my without any respect while claiming he loved me. I was addicted to the pain and suffering but I went to work... i had panic attacks and cried on the office toilets floor, I showed back up to work an hour after my abortion and when I finally got into therapy and tried to call in sick for a while, I was pressured by my boss to come back to work ASAP. I have been making a couple of mistakes when I wasn’t concentrating enough, I was scolded everytime and people at my work treat you like you personally insulted them If you mess up so everyone is walking on egg shells. I started taking Prozac in December and had some more issues while adjusting but over Christmas I’ve felt like it was finally working for me. When I came back to work, I had an email that said I’ve been officially warned, as there was another mistake in my work from before Christmas which cost them 1,5 k and they demand an explanation for how this could have happened and I need to structure a plan as to how to avoid mistakes in the future. Now I’m crumbling again had a panic attack on the bathroom floor again and had to write an email explaining how I’m sick, am taking medication that’s fogging my mind sometimes and how I’m working on getting better. I’ve been trying to find another workplace and get my career forward but this is all so hard!!! I beat myself up about being useless and incapable and I’ve already started to embrace the hunger pains again, so I guess I’m back to starving myself after being better for a while. Has anyone had issues at work and needed to explain themselves? Can we still have a career?",7.374954184954183,7.377991575883577,7.794368214368216,70.91096712096716,63.59459459459461,10.286009086009086,37.56533456533457,9.906371001090498,3.834946808346808,2032,95,347,38,27,670,233,481,0.238,0.708,0.054000000000000006,-0.9985,1,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,3,3,15,26,28,4,6,24,1,33,13,0,9,4,73,70,50,0,9,7,0,4,2,1,1,9,2,0,4,10,31,3,1,8,1,1,5,2,19,0,3,29,6,51,9,63,36,8,61,0,3,0,1,29,24,0,4,36,250,61,15,0.0,0.08236543000152266,0.06783786603823956,0.07578301132950713,0.0,0.0,0.06162199202817305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671294881608845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472734574218924,0.1457877715226055,0.05317976753334093,0.0,0.0,0.04860740260759087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816961912242666,0.0,0.21381492784988526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915323817705832,0.0,0.0,0.12296300930078245,0.07589377835003909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098389908166583,0.0795081103656064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988212389036578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550309675419756,0.076918446817444,0.0763603745273282,0.0,0.0,0.059874274162725435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967168489306048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113251402402569,0.0,0.07819646366943575,0.0,0.07182890498592155,0.0,0.0,0.06288145940807763,0.0,0.06642578910112179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029904456616705,0.0,0.06674653493661523,0.1523033839545643,0.06353662483678756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159694792647246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22239409328356333,0.0,0.07658002494996863,0.0,0.06147302099334859,0.0,0.06227293671572363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845953745611197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767082103734028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049101407735727465,0.06792429061818063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274116105319917,0.0,0.04640265985076188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003034336734694,0.0,0.0,0.07019163069803823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463633283792108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047106033619185736,0.0,0.14794045640075407,0.163124763988025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638767781115012,0.06069893844595747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453391205530588,0.0,0.06863894465002457,0.14926894808347482,0.0,0.0,0.06612590583398589,0.05528213978556715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252064589719444,0.0,0.0,0.11500917815716548,0.07813921663899526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875338311097262,0.0,0.19681593648150075,0.0,0.05551579477208456,0.0,0.0,0.0726735143888206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453518939618636,0.055874556424698366,0.0,0.0,0.07949792997709187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439398830685186,0.0,0.06790730905634622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444229238563401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701121777186872,0.0,0.5566955152906471,0.0,0.14168606613601947,0.04938237414263668,0.0,0.0,0.044766208176214996 bpd,emomemequeen,2018/01/09,"I've forgotten how intense the fear of abandonment is I've been dating this guy from one of my classes for the last month. I've known him for six months and we were pretty good friends before we dated. When I met him, his girlfriend had just moved to China for a job opportunity and would be there indefinitely. They broke up because they couldn't do long distance. When we started dating, I asked him if this would be a problem and he assured me that he was over her. I believed him. We spent a lot of time together and I got really attached to him. I was head-over-heels for this guy. Today, he told me about a dream he had, where his ex was back. He was so happy to see her. He told me that all of the feelings for her came back full-force. He was crying because he didn't want to hurt me, but ultimately, we broke up because he didn't think this was fair to me. I don't blame him. I just wish I'd seen it coming because I'm not surprised something like this would happen. Logically, I get it. I respect and even appreciate his decision to do this. But holy shit, I had the worst panic attack in a while when I got home I didn't dare cry in front of him because I knew if I did, I wouldn't stop. I want to vomit and throw myself off a building. My brain kept telling me ""You're clingy and fat and ugly, you're unlovable and he was looking for the easy way out. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with you"" I felt like the crippling fear of being alone forever was going to kill me right there. I almost wish it did. I'm okay now. I'm still really upset about it and have been crying on and off all day. I know this will pass and I'll probably be okay in a week, but I hate this shit. It was only a month, and I got so attached to him. He became my favorite person instantly and I'm craving attention from him now. I need to give him space though. I don't want to hurt him. I want him to want to talk to me. I hope we can get back together eventually, but i have no idea if that's even in the cards. He told me he still had feelings for me but I don't know if that means we could ever try again. How do you guys deal with short flings ending and the hyper-attachment? ",2.0969748490355857,3.41797774186551,3.65443864688984,91.05372457055756,76.35357917570501,6.6323738054757575,22.22084774579352,7.222845823187471,0.5195882159817082,1693,45,388,19,37,562,208,461,0.185,0.69,0.125,-0.986,1,1,1,0,0,1,51.0,7,2,2,1,26,29,5,4,17,2,44,5,4,2,4,82,88,33,1,22,12,1,3,2,2,6,2,0,1,4,17,27,1,3,13,1,1,7,10,17,0,2,34,6,70,12,46,41,4,52,0,5,3,0,59,16,2,8,30,251,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082041811823817,0.08359226548719641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056435015015099274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545389943011421,0.09182042601791572,0.0,0.1861853547453732,0.0,0.24600341368334794,0.0,0.06867912510496282,0.0909336698290756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010018021076342,0.0,0.09231189410652524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952538871848851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444117419716812,0.0,0.2659717647000162,0.05205192457795346,0.08320950759433059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714859988146577,0.0,0.0,0.10661772217795204,0.07300772959450469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816446511322921,0.08161982378830514,0.0,0.07749522704933574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235712633317229,0.0,0.08433634329867452,0.07742535553144655,0.04586992713041165,0.06769656611835062,0.19365590404588806,0.0,0.0,0.23974976864463626,0.07137247984201818,0.0859183712625543,0.0,0.07968541300347087,0.08283278167850958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095972408847829,0.08016424455317875,0.0,0.0,0.17280561162788155,0.09111290643280356,0.0,0.0,0.08009322379377054,0.0,0.08929477454830975,0.0,0.08871332095373352,0.06579024573657856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886264550840975,0.0,0.0,0.07142670427404609,0.06777692105126598,0.0,0.0,0.06861761469049436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791795144282508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326827514242612,0.08578303081783305,0.0,0.0598461914401567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469186938586509,0.06138436029846785,0.0,0.0946969804097396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047374101127632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211211359088992,0.0870201200926403,0.07722953658184414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341107982304767,0.0,0.0,0.08665341979272335,0.0,0.06892676178514709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643162255066936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569738441647522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213527889988965,0.0,0.0,0.05712766849637078,0.0,0.12891183414307705,0.06747801859730715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487245278762181,0.07054498047007814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051716356422288855,0.07929815781193879,0.0,0.04706323915740565,0.0,0.07650460045859545,0.2313684873624288,0.0,0.05479747797303994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28563267009436416,0.0640646431752179,0.06474150403680808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282913298681133,0.0,0.1856273572337774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293391439752208,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ArtificialReaper,2018/01/09,"Anyone else not know they're sexuality? I genuinely am not sure of my sexual orientation. In high school I dated a few boys but I never cared for any of them. Whenever they tried to be romantic with me, trying to touch or kiss me, it would absolutely infuriate me. Like I would be seething with rage at even the thought of it. I thought I might be a lesbian because I generally feel more comfortable around girls and think they are generally better looking than guys. But I recently dated and had sex with a girl and I didn't really like it much either. The thing is though being a girl doesn't make me angry like being with a guy does. Just thinking about having sex with a guy makes me want to smash my fist against a wall. I am so confused and unsure what to do. I am a 21y/o F btw. Anyone have any thoughts and/or advice? Could this be related to my BPD?",2.7873449612403114,4.693906610465117,4.386651162790699,84.0358682170543,75.91860465116278,7.8424806201550386,24.25736434108527,8.648137234880735,1.633563875968992,675,22,139,14,15,226,110,172,0.149,0.718,0.133,-0.4373,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,1,6,10,1,1,10,0,21,4,0,2,2,36,33,9,0,4,7,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,7,6,10,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,3,22,8,20,18,4,9,0,0,1,4,10,5,0,3,7,97,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323588754638386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935830729141715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049837273208231,0.15018812099604262,0.0,0.1304869196549097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935356295549368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296377435168855,0.0,0.0,0.18461187348777255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149447670044371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703188239014185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282727947349468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244844615474293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681444261441803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411504940203895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354105442156237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548693939620281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055631413954355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483416392778687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308994601756128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956860408814367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554977905964966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775287081856903,0.0,0.11305122297772036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390264440759,0.0,0.1447296703684848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834637954614324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814953721656295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738097228043413,0.1878445766348541,0.1440137116435342,0.3491034851572808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990358517613424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645644514739152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082518828958841,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,android2420,2018/01/09,"Opening Up about BPD in a relationship ? I recently started my first relationship at 22 which has been a roller coaster to begin with. I struggled identifying with being borderline at first bc I couldn't recognize my difficulties with interpersonal relationships. Well, now I do. Sometimes I feel absolutely crazy and try to pull myself away from him, but that makes him feel worse. And when I feel the need to lash out or he frustrates me, I automatically want to end things. Sometimes I consider ending things to protect him from myself and dealing with me. I just started my recovery when we started talking and didn't plan on getting into anything until I was on more stable footing with myself. I've been attempting to be open about my disorder, and sometimes things come up that are related to BPD. But sometimes I worry that he thinks I'm blaming my behavior on it or talking about it too much or it doesn't matter in the conversation ....... and it's a very hard disorder to describe. And there are times he'll ask me about how I feel about certain things or myself and want to explain that my particular struggle with it has to do with BPD, but kind of feel like I'm faking it when I do? It also infuriates me when he says ""I feel that too"" bc he DOES NOT or certainly not in the same way or extent, but don't know how to voice that this is invalidating to me without invalidating his own struggles. I am rambling! But any advice on how to open up to your partner about this? Or what you need? He often asks how he can help or what he should do but I have no idea bc I am not sure myself, and no one has ever asked.",5.608101265822788,6.218129810126584,6.554278481012663,76.21318987341773,67.35443037974684,9.357974683544304,31.939240506329114,9.3871,2.7840068354430385,1284,51,246,24,20,428,156,316,0.166,0.769,0.065,-0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,2,0,4,23,11,1,3,6,0,24,1,1,5,4,70,50,33,0,6,19,0,7,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,22,23,0,1,10,1,0,2,10,5,1,3,4,9,40,6,47,41,5,38,0,0,0,0,29,18,0,9,18,191,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978669339456087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347854756175097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062483374519659685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561161833568134,0.0,0.25769371312798983,0.0,0.08632680428805402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471690642432279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914879465409333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472701053882106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061102772144696,0.0,0.08040715416379514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627615679714853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311314620957144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787518685676594,0.06564100634646156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631072466236498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800490900275133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230883543215707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061587024909482174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372436392678347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568167396631316,0.05049631906180574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488923722884421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613324036845424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675443433925567,0.1362596888542646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226208323405169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072306361953406,0.2959428428521117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306879659007384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634972875436093,0.0,0.19510510561233152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28816718714000794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865983403541047,0.0,0.0,0.14770363859984958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24417108450635103,0.0588747125355825,0.0,0.0,0.053577530747921084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062382309708640074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758128353443708,0.1083895728285099,0.07293219614771712,0.0,0.0,0.0826135657425086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857162656182417,0.0,0.0,0.09331132361508993,0.0936363026675338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coffeegreentea,2018/01/09,"Mood & thought shifts so quickly — therapy questions? It’s been getting worse lately. Depression and thoughts come and I’ll obsess over them in my head. Before you know it, I’ve convinced myself that I’m perfectly fine. And the cycle continues. People think I’m overreacting when I try to vent. I AM overreacting but they don’t think there’s anything really wrong with me. For those who have sought therapy, was it effective for you? I don’t have a lot of extra money to spend, so I wouldn’t be able to visit a therapist more than once or twice a month. Is this enough? ",2.50175675675676,5.1026630720720725,3.644527027027028,85.4084121621622,80.44144144144144,7.303603603603604,23.664414414414416,8.344100000000001,1.7214198198198212,455,16,87,10,12,147,84,111,0.102,0.805,0.093,-0.2569,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,2,2,5,7,0,1,4,0,10,1,1,1,1,17,19,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,2,2,3,3,0,1,4,0,11,3,10,13,4,9,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,3,5,57,18,0,0.19207714383631866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081155050976682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806312334398231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344350225459206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545745174235665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654357625328253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984670350399264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035237996272096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971265638334013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556057500116678,0.0,0.21667138453886556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329711894597396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331414368730611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455588946585188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316210676824392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517036001611448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230495367579074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393139073318056,0.22301636833853375,0.0,0.2461505560703437,0.0,0.3049755939617412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040777239000265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957430191786873,0.0,0.21000620400982312,0.0,0.0 bpd,annalenax,2018/01/09,"Has anyone else cheated and not really cared? *I know this post makes me sound like an enormous asshole, which I am, but I know sometimes people with BPD have infidelity issues, so I wanted to ask here. I have BPD. I've done years of therapy...talk therapy, self-read DBT books (the DBT group class was full), CBT, etc. Dealing with BPD and realizing the totality of who I am and all the deep shame and guilt has been an exhausting process. Every day I have to try to regulate myself in interactions with people I'm close to. I'm great with coworkers and friends, but people I'm closer to, it's much more of a struggle, as it is for a lot of us. I was in a two-year relationship with someone with BPD who grew up in an abusive family, and the sex was awful. But I never, ever cheated on him or ever would cheat on him, because I know how much pain he went through in his life, and even if he never found out, I could not deal with the pain of possibly contributing more pain to his life. He ended up cheating on me, and it broke my heart. I'm seeing someone new now, who knows about my BPD. He's much stronger, much more emotionally mature. He's really great to me. But we're in a long-distance relationship. And it kind of scares me how good he is at reading me. I feel more transparent and vulnerable around him. Last night I cheated on him by deliberately making out with someone I had seen years ago. I don't think it had to do with the internal emptiness; it was just nice and relaxing to have that physical release from sex and cuddling. It felt good. After the wreckage of my BPDxBPD relationship that ended with him cheating on me, it felt good and almost strong in a way to do this. I know rationally this doesn't make any sense. After so much therapy and self-discovery and pain, it felt good to go back to the way I was before, when I had less insight and felt more free in some ways. Free from knowledge. It also felt like an internal push away from my current partner, because how close we had become was scaring me. I don't really feel guilty about cheating. I know I should feel guilty. Has anyone else cheated on their partners? And what are your thoughts on it? ",3.73266961963018,5.194012044083529,4.753288335794135,84.24623426843847,72.4106728538283,7.915657737467482,27.213738311186106,8.484438967287268,1.82126233565352,1705,61,346,29,33,557,204,431,0.185,0.6759999999999999,0.139,-0.9773,2,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,2,1,1,1,18,35,8,5,17,1,32,11,1,6,6,81,63,31,0,5,9,0,8,2,3,2,7,1,0,2,21,33,0,0,20,3,2,4,7,19,0,0,21,11,44,18,61,39,17,54,0,1,2,3,31,27,0,5,21,233,65,3,0.0,0.07588069281667477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677041263251996,0.0,0.06412999116142651,0.0,0.0,0.051215305839107265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043551556775050605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956095745059191,0.13123960706459956,0.0,0.057012005839767975,0.059871725687799165,0.0,0.06017067335210794,0.04924525028126695,0.0,0.07808025304750928,0.07073065783588052,0.054496026975661783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033007000705676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529628762670246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113326592359908,0.0,0.0,0.04130255127158408,0.13205140757288122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553840580988966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699971377525043,0.07203995461373819,0.11344649233174943,0.0,0.07142507186502668,0.042299914675772654,0.11586144102253415,0.053959139130143975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603742079682595,0.0,0.09714646434673692,0.0,0.307457468139796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022003842610085,0.04947960000340406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036397213599477264,0.2148655148246041,0.0,0.1412156583804791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589147359042094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684443827943536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669111404609945,0.2111787325947978,0.052203737320715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047118037730527,0.06257652307640993,0.0,0.0,0.05667619668934538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05444721923093535,0.0,0.0,0.1282479546800357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23539552150539556,0.0,0.09878809311529632,0.06185329982388694,0.0,0.06010018359839321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725858245891937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319842629059225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219905986906121,0.06133566079240733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812101681292334,0.0,0.1230830981103724,0.0,0.0,0.20627521515484595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823678602632388,0.0,0.051034120700123004,0.0,0.1336220026797681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279072918250512,0.0,0.06334034004137927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695183429679592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051475480092219736,0.0,0.0,0.14647790958031084,0.0,0.0,0.04103628213616158,0.0,0.05084312917367927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348111355893245,0.0,0.06256087849497473,0.0,0.0770360569995279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03777432533976753,0.152503479797992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936866708309828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045494435745752126,0.0,0.0,0.12372511954799074 bpd,vinny978,2018/01/09,"Is friendship with my FP at a loss? A friend of mine had been my FP for a few months, starting since we've met at college. I thought he was no longer my FP until I asked him through text if he was taking one of the same classes as me. He responded, but was short with me and didn't ask me how I was doing or whether I was taking the class as well. I'm not that upset, especially not as much as I would've been before when he was my FP, but I felt a sinking feeling in my heart and was a little angry. It sounds like he needs space, which is fine but we ultimately cannot avoid each other since we're part of the same friend group and are going on a trip together in a week. I feel like I want some emotional space too, but I don't know how to without making it seem like I split on him again (which I've done so many times already). Can our friendship still be saved or will we just become total strangers in the same group?",6.673484848484848,4.205899782828286,6.816262626262628,85.37772727272728,66.32323232323232,9.810101010101013,31.09090909090909,7.3871296695380915,1.647036363636364,719,18,171,5,9,232,118,198,0.036000000000000004,0.762,0.202,0.9846,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,1,9,11,0,2,11,0,21,1,1,3,1,38,38,20,0,3,12,0,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,7,3,1,1,15,4,24,8,21,21,9,21,0,1,0,0,18,11,0,5,11,116,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653811661815045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31605623674690025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668967097098885,0.1438392580614654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17298500807106382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901454876159972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709418237182669,0.12076109186162745,0.1623034065306661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26119735139026784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606843819993746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200311359565949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928991032329822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477509228901269,0.16942092003163425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283446808159273,0.1713784416318654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492486623273786,0.0,0.1242626996623056,0.12533985780104998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454481842094613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830521526149208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538862427400364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796606807368572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196462744500736,0.0,0.13499431268339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541917323115169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419763574932544,0.09856767091928724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970324869868356,0.0,0.13559243645293495,0.0,0.1519858539186682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294701935420267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008005439582838,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lsdpugs,2018/01/09,Two BPDs in a relationship Just want to see if anyone else has been or is with someone who has BPD who are also BPD themselves. If so leave your experience down below. ,5.802727272727271,6.103608818181819,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,66.87878787878788,9.024242424242424,28.62121212121212,8.841846274778883,2.052284848484849,133,4,26,2,2,44,29,33,0.049,0.911,0.039,-0.0814,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,7,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,5,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,3,0,21,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574977261507688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989882446994152,0.26361767121396995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6480799126393891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149276121507178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516729383899831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724264095315831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27622652980318113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20502188862538914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799574016906048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513289008832144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175265913203767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MrSteeve,2018/01/09,"Nothing like an email from your boss to send your day into the fucking trash. Just back from holiday vacation with family, one of the few sources of happiness in my life right now. I got the flu on the drive back (cross country trip) so I had to take quite a few sick days stuck in a hotel, 12 hours from home. Missing work already gives me enough anxiety so, believe me when I say that it was no extended vacation. In almost all cases, getting back to work after vacation is difficult to manage. I never feel like I have all my energy, in fact it usually feels like the opposite. Today this was especially true. I've missed a lot of work being sick last week, so I had a lot to do today without any of the necessary energy to accomplish it. I had it in my head that I wasn't going to let myself split, and that I'd work as hard as I could and go home and be at least somewhat satisfied that I did what I could today. That is until the end of the day rolls around and my boss emails me about how I am ""waaaaaay behind"" and that I need to catch up. That's all it takes. Just one sentence, with his dumbass signature right underneath it in case I wasn't sure of who sent it. There goes any hope I had of feeling good about myself today. I mean, no shit, I was fucking sick. I've literally spent this whole day catching up, and now he's going to think that his annoying-ass micromanaging email is what spurred me to 'catch up' and finish all my work. Now I've just been at home, cold and sweaty from job anxiety, unable to enjoy anything in front of me and filled with thoughts of how shitty I am. Thanks, work.",5.743162917518745,5.183128865030675,6.422413087934562,81.27492160872531,67.09815950920245,10.189229720518064,30.074301295160193,9.725611199111238,2.4611839127471025,1254,39,266,24,18,413,169,326,0.147,0.7559999999999999,0.097,-0.9348,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,0,8,19,16,3,0,13,0,23,9,2,4,8,44,47,18,0,4,4,0,4,3,0,0,5,1,3,0,20,14,0,0,6,2,1,13,6,6,0,2,16,6,34,10,51,26,12,55,0,2,0,2,13,18,3,5,27,183,54,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329406237634676,0.0,0.10281294961150612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267145552579614,0.0,0.14254617620983218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766691352971501,0.08293906692778727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492078986482416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496817094824548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877376448016538,0.0,0.0,0.2403420131422773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251898947977764,0.09626721046367108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783028068622678,0.0,0.14132526981942622,0.13311814526374272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722642019024352,0.048676313829438114,0.0893750133523692,0.1588481701483825,0.07814470413739012,0.07451477573061395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917882231339284,0.08346002081165546,0.0,0.09561700966970506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803646055641181,0.09253661643714356,0.09175148502994472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924546344910894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594416649174025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527035588649248,0.06580715038721899,0.13655119721964798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584158106107719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148701326820543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908272002548357,0.07185672689350328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939698689254437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262657826515866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909539034433416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912953095529678,0.0,0.0740907492138765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563537579533823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780951947942035,0.0,0.1401011345005857,0.0,0.0,0.08577636400765651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969814428427971,0.0,0.07396480147015784,0.0,0.0,0.35324860392678603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261113466738447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473356432173013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401848662946744,0.0,0.08981040440385067,0.0,0.40696347176545655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,adult-diversion,2018/01/09,"How do you guys control your impulses? Lately I’ve noticed that my spontaneity is out of the roof. At the time, things seem like I’m just being young and fun. Other times I manage to convince myself that I’ve wanted to do the impulsive activity my entire life. For instance, last week I was feeling low, so I just went out and got my nipples pierced. I’ve had virtually no other desire to do so until last week. How do you control your impulses? Or rather, how do you convince yourself that they are indeed impulses?",3.389455555555557,5.584931390000005,4.791333333333334,80.50122222222225,75.1,7.2444444444444445,28.11111111111111,8.167268648758528,2.155077777777778,409,17,73,7,9,136,64,100,0.041,0.8190000000000001,0.14,0.8496,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,1,2,8,5,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,5,0,17,16,9,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,1,13,4,9,11,0,14,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,10,53,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5108318755774423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115145948709291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213461517514545,0.0,0.0,0.2254861893602472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371256879005474,0.25688672263883994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085078286862206,0.11125623302425552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592694533471248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073147112647335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129214012444928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655796629096965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343196756778429,0.0,0.3653387893862524,0.0,0.0,0.2111058248241546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tempacct0x,2018/01/09,"I need help. Today has been a really bad day. My girlfriend of a year broke up with me and I'm really distraught about it. She is my best friend, and I'm very much in love with her. It's not really directly from my BPD why I'm feeling this way, but it's not helping. I feel like I wasn't good enough. I need someone to talk to, anyone. I just feel so lost and alone right now. I really miss her and I wish I could fix what was wrong but I can't. ",-1.2022333333333322,0.6990143100000026,1.4660000000000009,99.39466666666668,90.9,5.333333333333334,14.333333333333336,6.816661863887847,-0.6135666666666668,341,6,88,5,12,117,66,100,0.261,0.609,0.13,-0.9342,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,18,19,7,0,4,5,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,3,16,5,9,14,3,8,0,3,0,1,9,3,0,0,5,53,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814604394011648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250801629272495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146289581005417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386774859431795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066565673940744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988762856458525,0.0,0.0,0.11299329011532107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103449660422014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26576805286022576,0.12516710674712805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536361861067792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695436906979698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23487359960314602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559673686847392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19125790117826347,0.0,0.15813013590916414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879647205525446,0.259825861446007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448965460483024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496248535332248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484513629650655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408238396132023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607467610210466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445631897272524,0.0,0.13907026245669193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809604388598428,0.0,0.20147810094749447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19156011182931806,0.0,0.11282683431759448 bpd,Cobalt-Royal,2018/01/09,"Any job ideas for someone incapacitated easily? (Canada) Tldr; Please share your success stories because I need some hope right now. Specifically im trying to find a career that only takes 2 yrs of schooling, pays okay, and that I can work part time because my BPD makes full time work impossible. I'm currently working in retail. At one point I had plans of becoming a medical laboratory technician. Chose it because you can work part time, it only takes 2 years of schooling, the pay is good, and employment rates are pretty high. These are all things I look for because BPD makes it next to impossible to handle stress. I barely survived this christmas in retail just working 20-25 hrs a week :/ But then I found out lab tech shifts would be varied schedule wise, like one night I might work 12 am-8 am and the next shift would be an afternoon shift. I couldnt do that. If i stay up past a certain point i have a breakdown and i take sleeping+anxiety meds every night that I can't skip :/ Now I'm trying to look into jobs to go to school for that pay well but I'm basically useless. I likely couldn't handle a large amount of schooling. 2 years full time would be my max, or 4 years of part time, but thats iffy. Ive looked into being a massage therapist but I dont think I can give hours of massages a day because I get physically exhausted easily :/ and it looks like the town where I live is dominated by wellness centers so I don't know how I could make a living as an individual therapist. I thought about teaching, since I've been told I'm articulate, I give good (specific, balanced) criticism, and it doesn't seem so physically exhausting, but apparently the hours get crazy, like majority of teachers spend an extra 15+ hours a week doing lesson plans and grading, unpaid, because you cant really get it done during the school day :/ plus its like 4 hours minimum to get a teaching degree and Im not sure I could handle being around a bunch of rowdy, mean teenagers. I feel so awful. I know people are going to come here and say i have lots of time to figure it out or something but honestly, because I make so little money in part time retail, I'm basically mooching off of my boyfriend of 5 years. Im a native american woman and the stereotype makes me want to kill myself. I feel like I'll never find a good job because BPD makes me so useless :'( Im a really creative person with a amall amount of skill in drawing and writing, but I'm not talented enough to have it as a full time job. (Even if I was you dont make much money from that unless youre super lucky) Im pretty friendly and good at customer service, and I like analyzing and organizing things. Is there anyone here who has a job that they like and pays well? Is there a different approach I can take? Any success stories in general? Edit:idk now im going back to massage therapist. If i work like 13 hours a week rn in retail i make like 170/week not oncluding taxes. But if i was a massage therapist charging like 100 for a massage I could do like 3 massages a week and make twice as much almost??? I could soace it out for like 1 massage a day and maybe after a uear I'd have enough clients for that???? Im so confused right now...",3.7931666398843014,5.315112152755908,5.110695805881409,81.50316085489314,72.35433070866142,7.8293427607263375,27.604852964807968,8.418075326091056,1.9427046440623488,2527,93,491,42,49,842,289,635,0.106,0.728,0.166,0.9883,9,0,1,0,0,1,78.0,0,5,1,15,24,41,1,2,34,2,47,3,0,10,4,93,93,44,1,16,19,0,2,13,1,4,3,1,0,2,24,26,0,0,14,0,12,5,12,8,3,3,8,7,48,33,56,70,19,74,0,2,4,0,16,28,0,14,53,285,72,30,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044242258499677785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009104938296464,0.0,0.03379938988279573,0.0,0.0,0.030893338352672807,0.0,0.0,0.03933167390587939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0339735130688061,0.0,0.21546528708246399,0.04879595320620467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693843397585312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805919706421094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110409984184472,0.0,0.0,0.08548191494930676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616116985983125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04521390131177785,0.10356281032641693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130439176708946,0.0,0.029182036761693817,0.0,0.03722554983372317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04467986465323009,0.031563891869121466,0.0,0.0,0.08076376615783948,0.0,0.0,0.048443685016028866,0.03413518720595075,0.0,0.09233385295480244,0.08476750488571684,0.07532957218172688,0.1482322931498285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046681096598991285,0.0,0.043883059659063736,0.21755365856237505,0.0,0.0,0.04987651453571723,0.33407176724122944,0.0,0.219220909372956,0.0,0.048881243010363305,0.0,0.04856294695553253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28060854662254064,0.044282338937221916,0.07802767917807017,0.0,0.1484082429306655,0.0,0.0,0.03756226851396445,0.0,0.0,0.2654286579609856,0.0,0.04438712624437802,0.04812755025351482,0.04907664962282661,0.044509086611088385,0.0,0.04687050938899225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495824698240307,0.03276066535616106,0.03407616524767318,0.0,0.09397689725257764,0.08292431701557908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987823076243212,0.06720536219421812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19138079202423053,0.04217706871571898,0.03063049025358999,0.038578338739831804,0.0,0.04849897133665679,0.08353323578505993,0.0,0.0,0.08989870233356942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056608711409643776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546300015381971,0.0,0.03513559165139532,0.0,0.2235745713385451,0.0,0.04022196761484654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036548110615534896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743557624863407,0.034013744732386435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470925246549623,0.0,0.0,0.050610752212084935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164135809489588,0.0,0.13287856591920785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20519653413634803,0.05870560292941057,0.028310276818279013,0.0,0.035075864242242814,0.206104748390479,0.0,0.0,0.042218145137501516,0.0,0.05999385407946915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026059904828712118,0.0,0.17720214915641644,0.0,0.11917576227834588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515702609953334,0.0,0.0,0.09415765775613627,0.0,0.0,0.11380798329166615 bpd,MNfrstrtD,2018/01/09,"Perverting healthy DBT skills into dangerous fantasies. One of the most persistent urges I give into is excessive time spent indulging fantasies. Especially when experiencing a lot of stress, I will pace back and forth fantasizing how things should have gone, or could go. I will tell myself I'm being ""mindful"" by rehearsing a scenario so as to be skillful in the moment, but really I know I want to experience whatever in my head. I like to be a victim in the scenarios or the tragic hero. (what follows is a recent experience to illustrate) An example is that by being truthful during an annual physical at the Veterans Administration, I was flagged for suicidal ideation. While they were caring and professional I felt humiliated and their approach was more focussed on being efficient than effective. I got very depressed over the situation and spent a couple of weeks in a rut. Decided the best thing to do was advocated for myself utilizing the DEARMAN strategy for objective effectiveness. While identifying objectives and journaling the experience, I spent much time fantasizing how they would respond. Everything from offering me a job as a patient advocate, to being humiliated at a Congressional hearing, and some Kim Jung Un-like ambitions because nothing makes me feel more alive than danger! (haha)",9.266929541047189,10.792945547511316,9.734754363283773,53.38535067873303,59.58823529411765,13.91609566903685,42.935035552682606,13.023866798666859,6.817538849385907,1070,60,145,42,14,359,147,221,0.136,0.713,0.15,0.6719,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,7,5,12,3,1,20,1,20,1,1,5,1,29,36,17,1,4,3,0,2,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,6,2,3,4,0,6,0,1,10,4,18,6,29,15,7,24,0,2,0,0,8,10,0,5,11,115,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578858700998993,0.0,0.09972134011028497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716748483535212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678822243056493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061120073507562,0.1810063092874837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408975588545563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702177662202914,0.4800595024763147,0.0,0.0,0.08271468763246323,0.0,0.15706952553629686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692790796085096,0.09297047011903717,0.0,0.13083576079004033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788783274113506,0.0,0.1843748509449284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623352190703442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899033383183796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992052403857862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907612885638698,0.0,0.0,0.10919583725661106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517660640855011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025553680618485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696648990406806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085103305345542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047982557213596,0.0,0.16152278885682364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18387905372046695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873887753491197,0.0,0.0,0.17893802738670062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298256851803726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217360354435656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077821760426306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497670942110138,0.0964880670238472,0.0,0.1312199177775666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620777144170318,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,delta1810,2018/01/10,"Scared all the time? Anyone else just scared and paranoid all the time? I have a studio apartment for the sole reason that I would be terrified if I had multiple rooms because I can’t see every corner of the room at all times. I’m afraid all the time that someone’s out there to kill me. For example, I’ll be in my apartment at night, facing away from the door/most of the room, and even though I *know* there’s no one in my apt, I get scared and turn around constantly to check. In addition, I’m staying at my parents house for winter break (I’m in college) and I am absolutely terrified to go downstairs at night. I’m also terrified to be alone in the house, even during the day. I even get scared to stay in my boyfriends apartment alone. I know it’s illogical. I live in a safe area and I’ve never been given any reason to be afraid. I know there’s no killer waiting for me in the dark corners of the house. I just can’t seem to get over my fear. What’s worse, I really love horror movies/shows/stories but I think they’re starting to get to me. Is this something I should bring up with my doctor? Anyone have tips? Sorry for the long post. ",2.0710815173527024,3.889931661016952,3.2428571428571433,91.82918079096045,77.72881355932203,6.190153349475382,21.83131557707829,7.07126945348624,0.4959586763518962,896,25,195,10,21,289,124,236,0.16699999999999998,0.812,0.021,-0.9746,1,2,1,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,0,0,11,10,1,7,14,0,14,3,1,2,5,29,35,9,1,3,4,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,5,9,0,2,7,0,1,2,5,8,0,1,3,1,24,2,36,26,4,44,0,0,1,1,2,26,0,2,12,118,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199537916158286,0.0,0.08491707866313505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221026823869943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484957425202046,0.10880032691627282,0.0,0.0945282451274937,0.0,0.0,0.09976544547652,0.0,0.0,0.06473013175887353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474957627592418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848132482768765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868609168893116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870495804642699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104049828336883,0.0,0.08946646685082753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948901465471595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191166098254514,0.0,0.06034807368046001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675739096872586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747931533444105,0.0,0.17507150210201874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376437425119988,0.09397145977641493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958372058304508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189735604045892,0.0,0.0,0.199297141144733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195452816039086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790722670424784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169704245692754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680256090967242,0.2183542309110617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252437066651236,0.0,0.08461666626790201,0.09666794307571992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997123632693615,0.08174733695446404,0.0,0.1188667753471741,0.07515915030364555,0.2263607557059191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803983967500167,0.10432741819611173,0.0,0.24767214617432404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155001109935612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821282596341256,0.07543164129671273,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,onehandedbandit,2018/01/10,"Problems with sensitivity. Hello everyone. I'm a bit of a lurker but I finally mustered up the courage to post and ask for help. How do you deal with being sensitive and taking things personally? My friend and I have been getting into fights over my issues. We just got into a fight about something stupid because he said a general statement that I took to be about me. And last night we got into a fight because I feel like he took to talking to someone else over me and I felt rejected. My friend lives with me and tries to point out when I'm being sensitive so I can correct it but this time it blew up and I freaked out. I feel like a terrible person because I keep taking things the wrong way. I keep pushing people away and making them justify how they feel or what they do because I keep being insecure and sensitive. Can anyone relate? Can anyone help?",2.968392857142857,5.285754053571432,4.308571428571431,82.87392857142858,76.91666666666667,7.057142857142857,26.57142857142857,8.07648339933343,1.8947071428571443,683,27,126,12,16,225,96,168,0.188,0.677,0.136,-0.8776,0,1,1,0,3,0,12.0,2,1,3,0,8,15,4,1,8,0,11,0,0,3,1,37,30,16,0,1,4,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,7,19,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,7,5,23,5,22,19,1,21,0,1,0,0,22,11,0,1,7,88,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108546595550026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105609020220845,0.0,0.12166053971490515,0.0,0.0,0.315744704110198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137003294117634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349896735754938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817265456761999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237336735306233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642278580890696,0.18501600575628224,0.1243311381754894,0.14185045780302952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000879998821178,0.0,0.06765341525619085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071306830212928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358943729508025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515438643052638,0.0,0.345291183286367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555199906784536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652498545940805,0.0,0.11434243913756785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643588044074539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151801477703185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977237320059431,0.2261321313592243,0.0,0.0,0.12241032963340727,0.0,0.12401605599637527,0.0,0.0,0.1239048719461566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317507033184752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971683750891972,0.0996880742288369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947214052289092,0.10407951816420744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172055401383178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550692234168581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28773730756481924,0.08791551512194408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278349139761266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415774785962303,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jax-Jax,2018/01/10,"Stuck in a monologue I absolutely hate that whenever something unpleasant happens between me and another person, example: argument, I keep a monologue in my head of what I'd say to them over and over. For hours and sometimes days. I just want to move on. To stop feeling upset. To stop thinking about it. But I can't stop obsessing. It's getting so tiring. Please, how do you deal with this?",2.3485435435435456,5.1530938243243245,3.7220720720720735,83.0218768768769,83.72972972972974,7.072672672672672,29.843843843843842,8.167268648758528,2.7040798798798797,309,16,55,7,9,101,58,74,0.256,0.653,0.091,-0.9243,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,1,2,2,0,2,2,1,1,0,14,10,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,4,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,8,0,14,9,0,11,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269516596042735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958309463822918,0.2231356605449948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943637224341914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130786986605204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139333827001445,0.0,0.0,0.21368540423308147,0.2221254275980465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21314552625555985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923779581420844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23003685274052746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889832689347564,0.0,0.2375813589326789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211832295364346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666227442189432,0.21406040077955635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5428497062637391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868323085779274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248760950796776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276593592034008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tuff-tootin-baby,2018/01/10,"Sex, BDSM, and BPD Preface: Hi r/BPD. I've posted here a few times. Since this is an alt, I forget about my posts until months later and then get overwhelmed by the amount of comments, so I apologize if it seems like I drop off after posting. I guess it seems that way 'cause it is, but I just wanted to give a little explanation and a heads up that I may not respond quickly, but I'm going to try this time! And also, for the story, I am a 26y/o female. Real talk: I've noticed that since I've been starting to see my therapist and I'm doing some actual healing, practicing mindfulness and actually taking care of myself, I've not felt the need to practice BDSM and to ""submit"" like I used to. I put submit in quotations because it was never me submitting; it was me giving myself to strangers to be used, because I didn't care about myself and I felt that was truly all I was worth. Because of how early I was introduced to sex, my parents' neglect, and having the internet at my fingertips with a constant need for attention, I grew up believing I was simply a sexual object, that I had nothing else to offer. I started getting into BDSM when I was 15. I came across some stuff online and realized I was a submissive: I loved taking orders, proving myself. (Honestly, by 15, I was already incredibly sexually active, mostly with older men who should *not* have been interacting with me.) It was a way for me to be vulnerable, like an actor assuming a role, and it got me the attention I craved. I became a model submissive. For years, I was active on FetLife and in chats, going to play parties, seeking Doms, debasing myself online for strangers that didn't care for some false sense of validation. And it was a hell of a rollercoaster ride. Subdrop always came and always destroyed me. I was manipulated and emotionally abused by ""Doms"" that were simply misogynists in black leather. I used to say, ""I'll never be with someone who isn't a Dom."" But all the Doms I met and played with, never stuck around. They were never *with me*. I wanted the relationship, the romance and intrigue, but all I got were one night stands with men that only came around to use me because I was so needy and so willing. When I was 18 I began suspecting I had BPD after coming across an article about it. It wasn't confirmed for me until I was 23. I've always been really introspective, enough to recognize that I had *more* than depression, but not enough to recognize that by participating in BDSM and making it my identity, I was really damaging myself. Things began spiraling downward when I was 24. I was drinking so much it was affecting my job. I started ""escorting"" on Craigslist and backpage. I quit my job, lost my apartment, but I kept selling myself and spending most of when I made on alcohol. I got involved with a really shitty dude that was into DDlg and encouraged my escorting. He was emotionally abusive and financially manipulative. He would send me an allowance but use it as leverage during arguments to say awful things to me. I dropped him. I kept escorting for a while until I stopped getting business. I'd gained so much weight, I wasn't looking or feeling good. It was just bad. I turned inward and began drinking even more and eating my feelings in fast food. I ended up at my highest weight at 252lbs in May. Also in May of 2017, I started a really good job with a well-known university. Pretty good for someone who didn't graduate high school. But I was struggling with the responsibility, putting tons of pressure on myself to not lose this job like I lost all the others. I think I began developing Impostor syndrome, where I felt like I didn't deserve the job and at any moment they were going to fire me because they'd realize I wasn't good enough. I started seeing a therapist, and though I still shut down and quit that job, she's helped immensely. Now I'm working on getting my foundation fixed up and in order. I'm down 26lbs by drastically cutting back drinking and paying more attention to what I'm eating. It's helped a ton with my self-esteem. As I'm getting older and trying to heal, it's becoming more apparent to me that BDSM, and sex in general, is linked to my illness. One night stands, getting drunk and going home with strangers, engaging in hardcore stuff on the first meetup.... not healthy habits. It's taken a long, long time to realize that. I'm not sure if there have been any studies on the correlation, but I'm drawing one based on my experience. I'm hoping that sharing my thoughts may help others who could be struggling with the same. You're worth more than what you can provide sexually. It's empowering when you truly start believing that.",5.54260731616275,6.593206585666298,6.507221164613664,74.91789035087722,67.68980963045912,9.402381485628966,31.90460992907801,9.600744806384233,3.080156267263904,3703,152,658,77,60,1233,372,893,0.117,0.7559999999999999,0.127,0.843,9,0,4,0,1,0,127.0,0,2,3,8,29,36,3,4,38,1,65,18,1,13,10,143,142,66,0,10,21,1,9,5,0,7,4,2,1,2,49,54,10,4,19,8,5,13,19,14,0,4,64,15,104,22,107,65,24,114,1,7,4,4,39,41,1,17,54,471,153,10,0.0,0.12276040016937965,0.10110799617433072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055363561262647284,0.0,0.0,0.05716786942447857,0.08285653710088901,0.12931719553722848,0.0,0.0,0.07045806171830046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922344853684696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03983468262193513,0.04325483232115574,0.15789858318433025,0.057214315907432575,0.0,0.11673250720207085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573894290422514,0.0,0.0,0.1777526222775612,0.15845529543321665,0.053217785382203314,0.0,0.04462523592505844,0.0,0.05598256954725524,0.0,0.0413619061301515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04461938616681442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224690361875434,0.0,0.10601845806525836,0.04327625115651401,0.11654682275941287,0.04588366381321976,0.16058457631382,0.0,0.03421657249014574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506750211481676,0.0,0.0,0.052388112599595374,0.0,0.1492221555557997,0.0,0.0,0.044065124403724204,0.06264255271756483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239517474682988,0.09939174223569723,0.1177674146259335,0.17380558613370906,0.12429905917275552,0.0,0.05706881216831765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531666559923796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041709679289206,0.0547346005606968,0.051964424140144884,0.05145384142222535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084495382486127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265460080970096,0.05192200505578111,0.0,0.09169121060177747,0.04350297276917632,0.05795630424695707,0.11310208681581535,0.0,0.0467558418491826,0.04901894098551155,0.03458009684462175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230806585282921,0.0,0.04135008584169373,0.0,0.07616495671144427,0.07682518462562768,0.1598201781328326,0.0,0.0,0.09723056438897776,0.0,0.04970808923317625,0.05898009208242661,0.0,0.0,0.10531279088890667,0.03939987407361986,0.0,0.0,0.057523084034946985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884399411825006,0.05270409139509406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415623677143047,0.0,0.11020153311774328,0.0,0.05896518784066398,0.13274988948436844,0.0,0.0,0.05561895263355928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239449004479607,0.0,0.05242920903451401,0.08256341431377645,0.09432226282411196,0.054043689875211534,0.0,0.0,0.0857069084290831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778805392385619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000616449522792,0.0,0.041371368921501804,0.04331112065914354,0.0,0.10831522045015557,0.11860817128879317,0.0,0.0,0.048825397605983284,0.0,0.07790150359089057,0.04163872455868773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029869851681126,0.06883359563334662,0.03319441500533942,0.050897939098314714,0.0411272133367551,0.09062336174633334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034409811202744,0.056348730917008025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237135094100544,0.0,0.0,0.06111160985366197,0.08224045543203219,0.0,0.12616854581876472,0.046578724009401065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377145011115351,0.0,0.0,0.03680063353613303,0.0,0.0,0.03336058361910036 bpd,e_still,2018/01/10,"You all saved my life. Tl;dr I found this subreddit, discovered what I really had, and significantly helped myself in doing so. As a young child i had some very severe mental and physical trauma. This led to what i believed for many years to just be severe depression and ADD. I never accounted for however, the constant indescribable loneliness, or the fits of reckless behavior I’d have. I thought i was just a freak, and the stigma my family has with mental illnesses certainly never helped. There was never a doubt in my mind that i would one day end my life. However, then i found your community while browsing on reddit and i just cried tears of joy for hours for finally understanding myself. I instantly set myself towards forgiving everyone who attributed towards my childhood trauma and understanding the reasons they did what they did. Instantly my symptoms were significantly less severe. So i just want to say thank you, and please keep this community alive and strong, because I would have never found this out without you. Oh and for the record I do plan on following up with a professional opinion and seeking any additional treatment necessary. Important to be thorough. 👍",7.287083333333332,9.259808798076923,7.63146153846154,65.04687179487179,64.38461538461539,11.508205128205129,35.50128205128205,11.34169021259432,4.869564358974358,962,45,144,31,15,314,125,208,0.15,0.726,0.124,-0.79,2,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,4,2,2,7,11,0,1,9,0,16,4,0,3,6,46,26,16,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,9,15,0,1,8,0,1,2,5,5,0,1,11,1,29,6,23,11,3,26,0,1,0,0,12,9,0,4,14,114,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249287292147457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394757925180134,0.0,0.0,0.13667137084931186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108969741300272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324996764890587,0.07823293506998899,0.0,0.10448148198028538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107441935125856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591397113446322,0.0,0.0,0.11435737857512032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288581355439474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39902036588578416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626189577155787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946289168633233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782317405437976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713653457778646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298618823219605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444977096535578,0.0,0.1224854196647534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742375343139714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220071594303631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315858253030508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771232628678358,0.1247237287837622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646814049285228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111269104016229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608434897906567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168312403172287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630415315617766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25256958673113605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009092242468597,0.07154997090099448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693555270632745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723459267365838,0.0,0.0,0.07811768640697299 bpd,venturabelvoir,2018/01/10,"I help everybody but can’t help myself I’ve just been on a bit of a commenting spree and it’s just weird how I am offering advice to all these people here in this forum yet I am literally sitting at home writing a suicide note and self harming. I’m sending love and support, yet can’t even love or support myself. I hate feeling like this and I wish I was able to deal with what’s going on in my life better but I just can’t I’m sorry ",0.9525146198830434,2.749333631578949,3.4319298245614043,89.2579532163743,81.10526315789474,5.906432748538013,23.18713450292397,6.937597516519254,0.7613625730994156,345,12,75,4,9,120,62,95,0.16699999999999998,0.525,0.309,0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,1,0,3,0,7,3,0,1,1,16,17,8,1,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,1,10,6,9,15,2,10,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,1,3,50,15,0,0.2008740606976679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962918072847484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776567828296922,0.21930244835626175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709233622888928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267542260242346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156796067894316,0.14350446909894907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416135783902999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983215478537102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692832972843481,0.0,0.20149306114956025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188328962249616,0.09813691951615426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625933648531817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392607812847735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955545431246853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486206514946533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197236192239106,0.4558990072287945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23099525636513196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,soberer,2018/01/10,"Her new Year's Resolution was no more boys.. Which sucks because I thought we were on a date. Now I get to hate myself for hoping, while never making clear my intentions lest she stop talking to me. Kill me now ",2.3235714285714257,4.480774452380956,3.3954761904761916,89.42035714285717,78.28571428571429,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.6989333333333332,165,5,34,2,4,53,38,42,0.344,0.601,0.054000000000000006,-0.9319,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,8,8,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,9,1,4,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,8,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129695903003356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252873213038426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449254932312952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469981587572992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865204808904169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332037726059809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26945173582512083,0.3374187815247412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920846861386398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808062596590886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773566930710894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249795306030639 bpd,mppdg,2018/01/10,"Freakin’ over break Blegh! This guy i’ve been dating has been back home for college break for the past three weeks. He originally told me he was coming back to where we go to school on the fifth. He later told it would be on Monday. But last night I asked again and he said Friday. Uggh. I don’t want to get personally offended but I can’t help it. In my rational mind I know there must be a reason for it, like he wants to spend more time with his mom, etc. but my emotional mind keeps going to HE COULD HAVE COME BACK TO SPEND TIME WITH ME DAYS AGO :( WHY ISN’T HE BACK??? He’s such a sweet, kind guy, too.",0.3880764904386957,2.5124924251968537,1.7919516310461212,98.37238188976379,85.37795275590551,5.203374578177729,14.583239595050616,6.5431188927421005,-0.7653437570303714,466,7,112,5,14,149,87,127,0.04,0.8170000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.9317,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,9,4,1,0,4,0,13,0,0,2,1,20,26,4,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,3,4,6,0,1,2,0,2,4,3,1,0,1,6,2,10,3,15,15,2,28,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,0,18,62,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292609345072235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363223350702204,0.0,0.0,0.4485073668640073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512226248968764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642567723569135,0.0,0.0,0.0940420568977726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402825738658758,0.0,0.0,0.1626282267187588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618510995848238,0.0,0.16574612109239545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28877012799454066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774030119452526,0.0,0.14626969206017382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961181962876656,0.0,0.15184944630803152,0.0801390461963336,0.11886304076253655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124045322189634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29447395256116426,0.17078302165811493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368425124240492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920201594561055,0.0,0.12732469770749666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992759747913895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387085373567579,0.0,0.0,0.14757797064689004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005802765298006,0.0,0.0,0.27867517073012443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201723106734113,0.0,0.11696828226127925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315801773650853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358658686243408,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chaelarae,2018/01/10,"Hope... My mom is one of the only people who tries to to truly support me and my mental disorders. She bought me a book this past week. It's a Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook. I'm excited to start reading it. I've had awful experiences with therapists/psychiatrists. No one seems to listen to me, and I have felt hopeless. I cannot find a therapist in my area familiar with BPD, who also takes my insurance. It's so frustrating. But I am hoping this book helps me in some ways. ",2.5070526315789468,5.0374016526315835,4.7592105263157904,77.86197368421053,79.84210526315789,8.852631578947369,26.342105263157894,9.3871,2.8981368421052633,387,16,71,12,10,134,69,95,0.12,0.745,0.135,0.1176,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,11,15,5,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,2,0,2,3,2,12,4,10,12,1,7,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,4,3,47,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586235462732109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981979980997465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273307598612075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940281803523758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045085497576836,0.0,0.18129187580946293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295244149115354,0.0,0.0,0.3940203673168111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989408303975129,0.0,0.0,0.2323096963809517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26881947911785203,0.15085708302449602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935124666360306,0.1375136227348354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840758251879084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805739455832743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403959149765384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225089660947138,0.0,0.0,0.1491374512134873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268349772361785,0.2303041719877008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466928129441158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744409728189002,0.15910753817622295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LexiOhh,2018/01/10,"Better alone.. Honestly over the past few years I've realized that im myself when I'm isolated and closed off from the outside world, but as soon as I step outside I lose all identity. For example, I'll be thinking over the errands I'll need to do outside of my house but as soon as im outside its like my brain completely resets and is being taken over, which leads to me staying home and anxiety arising. Now about the being alone part, I don't have any friends and its not that I don't want them its that I can't have them, because I end up losing myself in them or behaving erratically without remembering or explaining myself, and in conclusion people just suddenly drift away. Its come hard to get to know people or talking about my past because its all just bad and with minimal good things, I just dont want anyone to suffer because of me, because even if I explain myself as best as I can they'll still be confused and walk away. Anyone can relate please leave you're thoughts, thanks ! 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I have BPD and today and yesterday have been the hardest days in maybe a year. The problem is I can't tell if its the disorder or just my life. My marriage feels like it's falling apart. But is it me? The BPD? My husband? I don't know what to work on because I never know if it's an off week or if it's for real. But I haven't felt attracted to my husband in a long time. We have a daughter together and I wanted it to work but now I just don't care. But he is so in love with me which makes me feel so guilty. I WANT to care and I WANT the attraction back with him but it's like there's a block... if that makes sense :( I am so overwhelmed and really any kind of perspective will help. I feel like a terrible mom and a terrible wife today but I am trying so hard :( Ever feel like you just can't be happy? Like no matter how well things are going there will always be something stopping you from being truly happy. I don't know what to do. ",0.19357409713574114,2.0078010867579934,2.4630489829804887,95.13387608966379,83.7945205479452,5.625653798256539,18.630344541303447,6.7829847944221076,-0.03754063926940665,774,19,184,9,22,263,113,219,0.234,0.604,0.162,-0.9566,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,2,0,2,14,19,0,1,14,0,25,2,0,3,3,49,42,25,0,9,18,5,7,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,9,0,2,8,0,0,2,9,4,1,0,2,7,25,15,15,35,0,24,0,1,0,1,14,8,0,7,19,129,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909827330453208,0.0,0.0,0.08099006741904215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157826805016156,0.0,0.07260044676561737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999970913331303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428547279912317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361546910214452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364955195320543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773008606959857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408761562792503,0.25524883556573874,0.11435182995522734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768558925488642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535620154875053,0.2133750996030409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079828231716067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402123420623345,0.19635784638723366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412175753078764,0.2909239759777678,0.0,0.0,0.10539712769933797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074897234255258,0.0,0.15899639056210346,0.0,0.1196489788074443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948500730482435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185497504637899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443105246051682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395977753708318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555849883254645,0.07629660990529967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101708216662192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168671565356376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957045358990374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122475454882698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409605750007744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912277765074888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944643852509337,0.0,0.2257801259647746,0.0,0.0,0.08085906863862903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073954980152712,0.0,0.09553245719184199,0.0,0.10708253692521093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734081189977104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669458541882535 bpd,TesticleSpectacle69,2018/01/10,"Currently dating a girl with BPD and I'm not sure I can take it anymore... I'm a guy that currently is in the dating game. I've recently met this girl (24) that has BPD. Look - I have no issue with someone that has BPD. I've dated people with all kinds of issues and I would never be so bold to just purely judge someone because they have BPD. It's not the BPD that is the issue - it's how she handles the BPD and how she's treating me. I really like this girl - I really do and from what she has told me she is genuinely interested. She tells me that I'm cute, that she really wants to see me and that she should make me a priority. We've been dating for a week and we've had some decent times together. However problems have started emerging. She recently went on this depressing episode where she doesn't want to do anything but isolate herself by staying at home, sulking all day and and doing nothing but watch Netflix and binge eat and feel sorry for herself. I even had to cancel our dating plans because of this and when I ask her if we could reschedule I can't get a clear answer. When she gets on these depressive periods she is nearly impossible to talk to, much less reason with. All I hear from her is how the entire world hates her, how useless she is, how shit the world is and I'm getting the bad feeling that all I'm doing is being her therapist of whom she tosses all her problems to. She says things like ""You'd better leave me, like all guys do"" and stuff like ""You'd better find another girl that isn't as chaotic and broken. All guys do"" etc. etc. etc. Not only does it sound manipulative and completely made up - it infuriates me when she says things like these. I can't get any clear answers from her. When will I see her again? Can we make plans on dating? How long am I going to have to wait? Can I \*DO* anything to help? Can we at least share a coffee and talk? Everytime I ask her all I get is - she doesn't know. I do have patience, I am willing to put effort in to this girl and see how far we can take this - but I' not sure I can deal with the uncertainty. Telling me ""I don't know"" when I can see her is not good enough for me. I'm a guy that has needs, I want to be close to her, I want intimacy, I want warmth, I want someone I can share my day with - and this doesn't cut it. Please - I want you people to understand that it is not my intention to shame anyone that has BPD. People who have BPD has the equal right to find love and happiness as anyone else. i don't see someone who has BPD as inferior. I'm judging her on her own merits as an individual and how she is treating me. That is all that matters to me. If she is willing to put the effort in to making things work I couldn't care less that she has BPD. The problem is that when she gets depressed like this she pushes me away, and not only pushes me away - she can't give me a clear answer of when I can see her again. All she says is how a horrible person she is, how her ex-BF is a piece of shit, that I'm going ot leave her like all other guys have in the past and I'm not sure I can take this anymore... She has BSD, she has told me so herself. She doesn't take her medications because she says it makes her feel sluggish and she doesn't go to a therapist either. I came off from a 9 year long relationship. The break up was very painful and I've been trying to coping with it. Meeting this new girl with BPD is not helping. I'm not asking to shame this girl. I want help and advice from people who are more experienced with BPD. I want advice because right now I'm not sure for how long I can keep doing this.",2.4505466888459324,3.719001411140585,3.979744189183112,89.29176077867196,75.33952254641909,6.91557793463112,22.99186260846109,7.4657900992518655,0.7526213909994155,2800,77,624,34,59,932,259,754,0.161,0.7440000000000001,0.095,-0.9926,3,0,0,0,0,1,85.0,5,3,1,7,28,42,4,2,26,0,87,6,2,19,20,129,155,54,0,19,18,0,3,7,0,5,2,6,1,13,50,40,1,2,12,2,0,9,25,16,0,0,11,18,110,26,67,132,25,67,0,5,8,1,101,23,2,3,40,432,160,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229588459490493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028635226357949593,0.044154437452226136,0.0,0.0,0.08352064120534906,0.058886489469914274,0.043145138012334605,0.06930342104528572,0.0,0.11809729969239673,0.0,0.0791246503746067,0.0,0.03515884156857915,0.10267581164319074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448309891021328,0.0,0.0,0.6364102333144295,0.0,0.0,0.04816091019730704,0.04293242572664007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441499647963632,0.0,0.0,0.03362021366322992,0.0,0.0,0.054313002445881206,0.043412018154326014,0.10880397714724263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03684943519742799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043087511503753714,0.03517625144855172,0.0,0.0,0.043509340452069285,0.1408863369260452,0.027812269442377392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638739738010217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697281872084838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199973075916804,0.04039431354795465,0.07179369882938898,0.03531861493091691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084701938877465,0.0,0.04482528500498256,0.0,0.04157342947883687,0.0,0.0,0.04745934382356532,0.0,0.0846733269075033,0.0,0.04223826235137715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131851012636923,0.0,0.037427972700366616,0.0,0.0438495265884022,0.04628346460779236,0.0,0.0,0.08917365048646303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400461487166444,0.0,0.0,0.11179410162234273,0.035360537661952865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03800456845550963,0.039844084174757065,0.11243101231873598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04241988726046174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030954595156130374,0.03122292180760805,0.032476673824060165,0.040668655097486316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04040424480321607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405082882260296,0.044806416619023584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04019733128946806,0.11677093755199724,0.03676752107583975,0.0,0.04622249192228568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087645298250635,0.0,0.08466135297523901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092735682062507,0.04329455478329949,0.083154134443063,0.04520877411648625,0.0,0.07192086386386894,0.0,0.13394548845318258,0.0,0.0,0.2013301530103908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864475475024018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271359355209606,0.0,0.0,0.04713702222036198,0.029804615525062195,0.044882062041155135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820416216296356,0.0,0.0,0.15874706494812116,0.0,0.1266414167263631,0.06769044018051075,0.07360937617355319,0.0,0.0,0.0977824362063282,0.08392505600876453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02455380703204505,0.0,0.0,0.08047295927355509,0.0,0.028588909817547963,0.0,0.0,0.0438364372038807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03474392536595418,0.2235301773456836,0.0,0.03377690158060469,0.0,0.0,0.039035004633133336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030655492074810917,0.0,0.0,0.029912672750956833,0.0,0.0,0.027116495687479914 bpd,Usernamenumber13,2018/01/10,"Some tips for those on the road to recovery I suppose these might be a bit like 'duh', but anyway: -Start tracking your moods like, yesterday. Either in a journal, or a blog, etc. Detail not only your moods, but what's happened during the day. This way you can read it back the day/week/month after and understand the correlations between your moods and the triggers, once you are no longer in that particular headspace. Eventually you will also start to identify triggers as they happen, and experience the resulting mood whilst being aware of what exactly is going on. Also, looking back on these logs whilst in a different headspace will allow you to properly identify when an emotional response was irrational/disproportionate. -Get a routine. I know you have heard this a thousand times, but it's absolutely ridiculous how much of a difference this makes. Make it as strict as possible without suffocating yourself. It will help you balance out your moods. -On that note: Once you are at a stage in your recovery where you have been taken off meds and you are officially categorised as recovered (whatever that means tbh), break the routine. Start training yourself to be able to function without keeping yourself under such tight control. You run the risk of becoming way too neurotic and using the routine as the focus of your obsessive tendencies. At first it might irritate you to no longer have the safety of a tight timetable: This is fine and normal. You will get used to it. -Find healthy coping mechanisms. Oncoming wave of untamed anger? Run that b*tch out of your body in the forest. Anxiety wave? Clean the house. Listen to music for hours. Puzzles. Anything that's steady and repetitive and therefore hypnotic. -Do not get into internet fights. Delete your social media for a while if you have to. Do not respond to the idiot with the idiot opinions. AVOID TUMBLR but this is true for everyone on Earth. You will obsess. You will work yoursef up. You will feed the anger and anxiety with these virtual battles. -If you have an argument with someone, walk away. It doesn't matter how righteous you feel, how angry you are, how absolutely certain you are of the fact that you have been wronged. Walk away the moment it escalates. Use one of your healthy coping mechanisms to calm down. Every time your brain starts talking about the conflict or the person you are in conflict with, think NO very loudly or picture yourself physically removing the thought from your brain. Do not act on your anger. Whether it's justified anger is irrelevant. -Repeat to yourself, daily, that your disorder is an explanation, not a justification. Chant it if you must. Even if rationally you already know that. This will help you stop and think before you act/speak, eventually. -Talk to yourself continuously. Do introspection. You need to become your own best friend, and you need to get to know your inner life better than you know the palm of your hand, in order to take control over it. -Always keep in mind that people do not wrong others for no reason. Their reasons might be pure selfishness or even that they enjoy it, but 99% of the time their reasons are nothing that nefarious. It is very difficult sometimes, when you are BPD, to be able to remember that other people have their own lives and feelings and values and reasons. Try to not lose sight of that. If you do, tell yourself that next time you will do better at it. When you feel wronged and you get that barrage of 'this person is literally Satan', that's okay. Ride that out by yourself, do not confront the person. When it's out of your system, have a conversation with yourself. Try to understand the person's motivations for what they did. Talk (and I do mean talk, not argue) with them about it. Ask them to walk you through their thought process, and listen. Imagine yourself as the person, so you might understand where they are coming from. -There will be times, even 40 years down the line, when you will mess up. You will overreact to something a partner does, or you will spend a week deep in delusion. This is okay. This doesn't mean you have lost, or relapsed. Do not give up completely because your symptoms act up. They will, because recovery does not involve your BPD suddenly disappearing. That will never happen. Recovery is about managing and taking control of it. -Remember that medication is a necessary crutch; it is the temporary help that allows you to be stable enough to engage with the main tools for your recovery: Therapy and developing self-awareness. That's all I can think of for now.",5.138967369808835,7.780507940243902,5.064548450889912,78.48892221489783,71.42682926829268,8.188529993408043,30.34937376400791,8.956494751910547,2.8652933421226114,3661,158,609,77,74,1135,362,820,0.13,0.7659999999999999,0.105,-0.9767,1,1,1,0,1,0,128.0,0,61,11,11,27,42,11,4,47,3,74,9,5,24,8,137,125,55,0,9,31,0,6,2,2,20,3,4,1,6,57,32,1,11,28,2,1,12,20,23,0,3,9,12,76,14,108,89,11,92,1,2,2,0,98,39,0,18,37,452,133,4,0.11684026127715524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446806686824545,0.09343711473011734,0.04861022863038686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938248007116521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048074789797822086,0.0,0.0546149360091229,0.0,0.10977527161609396,0.08984294880321833,0.0,0.07122473880245686,0.1290408889074993,0.049711228327492855,0.0,0.061308322869549126,0.10333571617652404,0.06377965197614725,0.06489159526374591,0.14715621889132946,0.1304323729797151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503237696732501,0.06125239548505047,0.0,0.19656943222710396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535230257011825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207320485267753,0.06695453099456933,0.0,0.1022477000162648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571478383378558,0.0,0.060363611634938,0.06515388832612799,0.11575783594021892,0.0,0.04922147970257547,0.05582293836485901,0.0,0.057146097708706385,0.0,0.0,0.08861692013816093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339494103375679,0.049692133277236566,0.0,0.0,0.04513524801396526,0.0,0.15261053528342336,0.056041912608507084,0.03320150653434255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549821857647498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747334637060874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057532060839827585,0.0674089871200361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385299270885824,0.0,0.0,0.12842470392222652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041263865958545864,0.0570822498304568,0.0,0.05158604566027338,0.0,0.04905819625052959,0.06535718289388191,0.06377247367432909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799178168199898,0.0,0.0,0.19090994614070395,0.06489159526374591,0.05885213550890736,0.0,0.24789810620335576,0.0589876782377488,0.0,0.04663039091515548,0.0,0.04294551792573818,0.08663557325943569,0.04505720623528523,0.0,0.062130471696059376,0.0,0.05723932425760499,0.056055690947351536,0.0,0.0,0.12443106500655834,0.03958699244556469,0.04443114186254708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100232560869727,0.25505102352060977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585991950907066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058435939955606635,0.0,0.0,0.2402624966219036,0.0,0.0,0.13235723937931002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094493721310544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955196616550006,0.04949918710957732,0.044974670714925315,0.05777900300042574,0.0,0.16540027661098988,0.0,0.0,0.04884184509413839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072088440199355,0.0878493355304924,0.1878235523682834,0.05106176914960682,0.0,0.06680851075008354,0.0,0.0,0.11229978243514174,0.0,0.09275811627022892,0.17032623988800158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932686781100844,0.0,0.0,0.1824522488739693,0.0,0.15136870723891374,0.0,0.09640545205570836,0.0,0.09274236093530208,0.09372220990061804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262984241673085,0.0,0.042530550885282334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916197257226062,0.0,0.03762064875202356 bpd,krt18,2018/01/10,"I just want to die, somebody please help I literally don't know what else to do at this point. I was dating a man who said he's 29. Turns out he's 42, tried to get me pregnant to keep me, and now won't talk to me because I had a breakdown last night. I want to die so bad because it won't stop hurting. I can't even explain to you how terribly I'm hurting right now. I'm begging anyone who's listening to please help.. Edit: I'm 21 if that helps. He's 21 years older than me.. ",0.6693042575285588,1.8778856915887872,3.0522741433021814,94.35469366562826,79.93457943925233,5.877050882658359,23.10384215991693,6.42735559955562,0.32889698857736205,367,12,91,3,9,127,67,107,0.145,0.6829999999999999,0.172,-0.4565,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,19,4,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,6,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,2,11,0,11,14,0,12,0,2,0,0,14,4,0,1,8,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400304874284768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807483292064974,0.21621451355844531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681101474396148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814815629972294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713403989125105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926549207620573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566098362543632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37970084133045057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763149628679296,0.0,0.0,0.09746362483843098,0.1445590303589738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664253310448814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893409147294117,0.16764740330833164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145080760665075,0.1686947560332337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482675255238956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254239009131595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040493530936365,0.19289934714983714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920417287497065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420372199934728 bpd,onlyamothercanlove,2018/01/10,I’m tired of telling everyone I’m okay I’m not okay. I’m not even fine. Help me—and if you don’t I’ll hate you forever.,-4.9540000000000015,-5.463207233333333,-0.7541666666666647,107.14875000000002,138.0,4.166666666666667,13.75,5.985473137389443,-0.7129999999999996,93,3,28,2,8,34,20,30,0.334,0.544,0.122,-0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996571340361392,0.0,0.0,0.4335190336279725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447923703439316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30409799918193553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965439560416818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214484665056365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonimoose_,2018/01/10,"Is it insensitive of me to ask him about his BPD? My boyfriend confessed he had BPD a couple months back and at the time I had no idea what it was. Fast forward to now, I know a bit more about BPD and want to talk to him more about it. For those who have BPD, would you mind being asked about your disorder or talking about your experiences? I don’t want to seem insensitive or make him uncomfortable.",2.6723809523809514,4.5083577901234575,3.4907583774250446,90.64555555555555,76.03703703703705,7.097707231040566,22.682539682539684,7.957251820313856,0.8290021164021164,315,9,71,5,7,100,56,81,0.142,0.8270000000000001,0.032,-0.8426,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,15,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,12,0,13,10,3,7,1,0,0,0,14,2,0,3,6,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28354812232005394,0.0,0.0,0.11661095525495985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556460449795474,0.0,0.7640010700989455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677999501776093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738062234583481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834466436539787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711965434077574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334392182244227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122882524586492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312519455794374,0.0,0.12104710499737507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805820011319014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437841160914893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842944628555569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889644734560586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772916333650236,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,my0cardialinfarcti0n,2018/01/10,"Do most people understand BPD? I lost my boyfriend because of my BPD. He couldn’t deal with my episodes. Also, his family and friends didn’t like me because they don’t understand BPD and just think I am crazy/abusive. I’m getting treatment now, DBT, and taking medication. I’ve lost friends and relationships because of my BPD and I’m wondering if anyone has gotten treatment/gotten better and had second chances afterwards? I’d like to hear your story",4.398214285714285,7.0707088214285765,4.800238095238097,79.3489285714286,73.88095238095238,7.533333333333335,31.92857142857143,8.472884824447931,2.8977428571428576,367,18,61,7,8,116,55,84,0.054000000000000006,0.757,0.189,0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,3,3,7,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,15,19,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,1,10,5,4,13,1,2,0,2,0,0,9,0,0,3,4,33,10,0,0.0,0.16309218423294955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007827927505442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624775176935044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25172962730609155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173982316580127,0.0,0.0,0.6934590566915061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191062108597408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976372623094987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126953705871938,0.0,0.07191619806226493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514102418350256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344972146589647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30052144428732563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866741984049522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542885229319914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477840811408294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034953157381314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820026067178241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28659603005252604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492750433667231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anxious-pigeon,2018/01/10,"Is it okay to meet multiple therapists (when starting out) before choosing one to stick with? Do I tell them I'm doing that? This is a weird sticking point for my social anxiety, I'd appreciate if you all could be my internet parents and help me out. I'm on the hunt for a new therapist. I've narrowed down my list to 5 that I would like to work with. It's really hard to find available therapists in my area at this time of the year, so it'd be best for me to call them all at once. But that makes me super anxious. Could you answer some questions for me please? 1. Is this a rude/bad thing to do in any way? To meet more than one for an initial appointment. 2. Do I tell them that I am doing this and explain I may or may not stick with them? Like what do I say if they ask me if I want to reschedule but I am waiting on being able to compare with another therapist? 3. When they ask what timeslots I have available should I include the one(s) where I may be seeing/trying out another therapist or not? (since I will only be choosing one to see in the end) If not should I clarify that? Thank you all <3 ",1.8596753246753224,3.5024272077922127,3.575106060606064,90.0026590909091,77.78787878787878,7.044242424242424,24.537012987012982,7.908726449838941,1.223692467532468,859,30,190,14,20,287,124,231,0.025,0.879,0.095,0.9231,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,6,3,4,7,0,0,8,1,27,0,0,1,3,41,38,13,0,10,11,1,1,2,0,7,0,1,0,0,15,9,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,3,31,6,33,23,6,23,0,0,1,0,22,15,0,11,9,139,46,1,0.11086413590496584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539141410858713,0.2325014258368761,0.08481076051881478,0.1252449173509307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20728600302574854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256692268259607,0.0,0.0,0.09433721412568444,0.0,0.11634507085862116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132046781124518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770319828465459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819271819290362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132781174397207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931248983533772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430989338141031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832523367871497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740026715906885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707327329517352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806668652480945,0.3004976307023743,0.08431717108502118,0.0,0.0,0.12310150303653153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169552934846745,0.10480244288572953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419320466299234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102240429916419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816361063221875,0.0,0.0,0.0883443626881951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917079588589571,0.0,0.0,0.11301202510526726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847020600811079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380028263106364,0.10206880127488484,0.0,0.6436090331909686,0.07365320570021844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464576919194981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526947096646397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539053974746464,0.08799879078059741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807104113243011,0.0,0.0,0.07875470129943528,0.0,0.0,0.07139286869932393 bpd,3702665s,2018/01/10,"DAE have seemingly random days like this? Some days I wake up and feel so out of place in this world. Walking down the street this morning, it's a beautiful day but everything looks sickeningly sweet and I feel continuous tidal waves of shame that I exist. Then I feel ashamed about being ashamed cause nothings wrong but I feel like I shouldn't be alive on this earth ughhhhh",5.836760563380281,7.291284788732398,5.238140845070426,82.79946478873241,67.30985915492957,9.060281690140846,29.69295774647888,9.3871,2.4265639436619715,304,11,59,6,5,92,54,71,0.27,0.598,0.132,-0.9334,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,4,2,0,4,1,1,1,0,14,10,6,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,6,6,3,8,7,1,14,0,0,1,0,0,8,0,3,7,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575962822039823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851521261293083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253640206078051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071606396403056,0.1791406902653162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450141882412553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057253641201676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406078886967744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26198745916483346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282795503238224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27416316916019623,0.0,0.0 bpd,RobynTacoo,2018/01/10,Just curious what peoples experience with Risperidone/Risperdal are I've been on it for a few years now and recently had my dose doubled. ,6.109200000000001,8.40914012,5.805,75.70750000000002,67.8,9.8,40.5,10.125756701596842,4.6834,113,7,19,3,2,35,25,25,0.0,0.901,0.099,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5817728674801339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123199757413327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5872370542728219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829950526541932 bpd,Throwawayohcrap99,2018/01/10,"Work mistake and anxiety. I work for a small retail store. Small in that there is the owner and me. I have been working there for about 8 months and have been doing great! Today I gave a customer the wrong price for something but had to honor what I said. It cost the store about 25-30 bucks. He texted me about it later and I explained what happened but he hasn't texted me back (he rarely texts back in the evening). I'm so anxious and nervous even though he credits me with increasing our sales by 3,000 dollars per month by doing all our marketing. In my mind this $30 mistake wipes all that clean, the extra $21,000 doesn't mean anything because of this mistake. I hate this feeling and I just wish I could trust that I am valuable...but I can't.",2.4285525070955534,4.508135549668879,2.760799432355725,94.47955298013248,77.60927152317879,5.1089877010406815,24.030747398297066,5.773587663045528,0.34539129612109765,592,20,124,3,14,181,93,151,0.141,0.7120000000000001,0.147,0.4352,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,0,4,12,10,1,1,7,0,13,0,0,0,2,21,22,10,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,10,7,0,0,3,0,9,1,3,6,0,0,5,2,17,4,14,16,4,12,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,6,81,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920054664760993,0.22033300985961649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604964398413003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999383562237435,0.0,0.11889097232140905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571885249723308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25763635688297376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861509709967213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502577510407625,0.0,0.0,0.17246800356051514,0.0,0.0,0.19255578794549452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124493025328177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19692883508128667,0.0,0.3113487032086665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552208397326286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501467726252504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162000527548195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486951460135406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22427958072346887,0.0,0.0,0.42596142574624296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323916277936572,0.0,0.0 bpd,sidequestmaster,2018/01/10,"How can my FP help me when I'm obsessing? Just as it says. I (19F) am dating my FP (22F). I sometimes get highly excited and almost ""high"" with the feeling of being near her. It's a level of happiness and obsession and idealization of *her*. What is best for her to do when I'm actively idealizing her and feeling obsessive in the moment? Is it healthy for her to humor my elevation of her or should she discourage it or...? I don't want to become emotionally dependant on her because I'm my own person and I want to be able to feel independent, even when obsessing. Idk...Any input is appreciated :)",2.1239743589743583,4.482986632478635,5.156089743589742,75.46182692307694,80.1111111111111,9.028205128205126,26.84401709401709,9.516144504307137,2.9935760683760684,464,20,88,15,12,168,74,117,0.105,0.637,0.259,0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,0,4,3,0,10,0,0,3,0,22,19,12,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,17,6,16,16,2,11,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,4,5,66,22,0,0.227947257987734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282562519615191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501195207620275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895453273936648,0.2517498375409353,0.0,0.0,0.2392165840298892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564099843740576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055701407910738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345770948062084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909303412247098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426540947899819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278824210719907,0.4816775864738898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990347533392765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127280868485374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254456667461634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688983973419459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mon_esprit_solitaire,2018/01/10,"is it possible to get over your FP? I'm 20F, my FP is 20M, and my boyfriend. we have been together 3 years, have had a tumultuous ride together, and have lived together through most of it. I know he abuses me and treats me like shit, and has caused me more pain emotionally than I can handle. I always wanna die, but somehow he is the only one who can make it better. I seek all my validation through him. I wanna kill myself at the thought of being without him. will I ever stop being like this? or will he always be my FP?",2.18888888888889,3.72858751851852,4.167777777777779,86.555,76.5925925925926,7.392592592592592,24.037037037037038,8.167268648758528,1.3126037037037028,404,13,87,7,9,138,72,108,0.16399999999999998,0.76,0.076,-0.8856,0,0,0,0,1,2,15.0,1,1,0,1,2,7,2,0,3,0,16,2,1,2,2,19,21,6,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,0,18,4,11,13,3,6,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,3,5,65,23,0,0.0,0.26285581972426525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691937290361915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620818227332815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790092865856065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302451403002807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24955124446006385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067590927240705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159074009709054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454440122338148,0.0,0.1219228871096504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167692815942444,0.0,0.19589750038371714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808651144336624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033121396562804,0.16872682367220587,0.2360639040971633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501023957576859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22772570429541603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547642575827009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612401653451087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385535870838251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286404315364548 bpd,JustaLittleDuckie,2018/01/10,"Hello, BPD, Bipolar and GAD Hello, I was diagnosed with this two years ago but I didn't want to hear it and ended the conversation anytime it was brought up. I had a social security hearing and in the documents it said that I was diagnosed with BPD three different times by three different doctors over the last two years. So I guess I have it... I am 32, wife, mother to my 5 year old son. I had to give up some of my custody of my daughters due to my mental health so I only have them 29% of the time. I struggle to get through the day, I struggle with basic tasks and relationships. I'm an absolute mess. I'm on 5 meds which make me feel numb which is a fucking wonderful compliment to feeling empty. Ugh. I have had mental health problems since preschool and bouts of severe depression started when I was 11. My family used ""tough love"" to fix me and my problems. So I was never validated or comforted or anything. I was told to grow up and stop being lazy, stop being sensitive, stop being mopey. I think that's why I developed BPD. Or at least one of the reasons. I don't know the severity of it, but I do know that overall I am low functioning. There is no way I could live alone, I can't work, I can't drive. But then I came across BPD memes.... omg I can't stop laughing at myself!! 😂 Thanks for having me!",2.3780974174566865,4.1434850150375935,4.091863354037269,86.32487577639755,76.66917293233085,7.483229813664598,25.850931677018643,8.321376580360154,1.675245701209546,1018,38,213,19,23,342,151,266,0.236,0.68,0.084,-0.9901,2,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,1,1,5,17,1,2,10,0,27,9,0,3,1,37,51,18,0,4,6,4,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,11,11,0,5,7,0,0,4,7,11,0,5,14,5,36,6,29,33,2,34,0,2,0,2,16,10,1,6,19,141,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337447432307221,0.0,0.0,0.09741307224061184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739961469577046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738381463621645,0.0,0.0,0.1075743689545535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075095617049643,0.0,0.0,0.06065797905610897,0.0,0.08100981434534678,0.19092858748991373,0.0,0.19653583635020147,0.0,0.09626973032350043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330520444850427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866709996647132,0.0,0.09511451501663136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695274050924702,0.049140086432525036,0.09022655035943587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361267323088652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995307316023844,0.2120146376761251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338082228545743,0.07666773861568038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305267843239666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488870854480197,0.0,0.06278273786541694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447439274368606,0.0,0.18957152685329007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254135517898681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869536451598873,0.0,0.06373440165077729,0.07153340191640432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799967109949535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670465925376573,0.0,0.10098034540596984,0.0,0.0,0.08946826379005979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125117552109752,0.0,0.07780363353718182,0.0,0.0,0.0958776784042034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657292592491186,0.0,0.0,0.3145382440330984,0.0,0.1966543391394412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865936142160136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026692942013024,0.0,0.0,0.10968896916951616,0.0,0.0,0.0898740054568386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837570000229389,0.0,0.0,0.08123370319842467,0.0,0.0,0.0554763365645811,0.07465683191290465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487040698701995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199911467662306,0.06847348194684859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181705862693764 bpd,crybaby4ever,2018/01/11,"panicking at the thought of self-reflection does anyone else experience this? my sister gave me a book called the 52 lists project and she wants us to do it together. the first list asks for ""your goals and dreams for this year."" i don't know why questions like this are so difficult for me. it gives me so much anxiety and i beat myself up for getting so upset over something so inoccuous. i genuinely don't know what i want to be doing in a year. i don't know what i want. i don't know what my goals are. i am so scared of change and so scared of making decisions. any time i'm asked what i want to do, or even my opinion on something, i panic. is this what they refer to as an unstable sense of self? ",2.331963470319632,3.836942493150687,3.7837671232876735,89.60501141552513,76.12328767123287,7.606392694063928,23.81050228310503,8.344100000000001,1.2399515981735156,548,17,123,10,12,181,85,146,0.193,0.772,0.035,-0.9665,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,1,4,7,6,0,4,6,0,12,0,0,1,0,19,28,12,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,21,1,18,25,1,9,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,3,5,82,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382990334934566,0.0,0.11680233315387625,0.0,0.0,0.1067597377058287,0.1564421197100553,0.0,0.0,0.28547661447013795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590675577699328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615187230539949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361421513487515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754733426723747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084590259669174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935359899841438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298723665208978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797707406228762,0.14646776732683087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356430710082953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459336501472502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191731153613393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223981899437227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914099584048834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104027811749534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057253077706648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31856403423756163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23508618101212225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121351287965025,0.08903088032646064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18365925227402785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602263468443139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777296121804208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664612328949585 bpd,MontrealIndia,2018/01/11,"BDP gf dumped me. Do you think she wants me to chase her? Hi everybody, I have a question. My BDP girlfriend dumped me. If you want to know the reason check this link [https://redd.it/7oxl3x]. I didn't chase her. Do BDPs want their partner to chase them when they dump them? What do you think goes through her head because I do not chase? I don't want her anymore since I feel like I deserve better. I am a very loving and caring person and I will never be in a relationship with someone who abuses me. I have already been in a relationship for two years with a BPD before and it was a very difficult time for me. ",2.646602086438154,4.6653304262295086,3.2436512667660224,91.56133383010432,76.70491803278688,6.075707898658719,22.566318926974677,6.980632752743323,0.5536622950819674,480,14,101,5,11,150,76,122,0.115,0.745,0.14,0.2741,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,3,4,1,1,8,3,0,7,0,13,2,1,1,1,19,23,5,0,5,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,7,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,3,1,27,4,10,18,0,6,0,0,0,1,22,2,0,2,5,69,31,0,0.0,0.2074950554228152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325532041716525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736774171613775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675486630480624,0.0,0.14901888369623997,0.0,0.0,0.15488425440958858,0.0,0.0,0.22056440975144406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855209694434146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854870391715387,0.12510967691079786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972926475578954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624438311719508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555746291929907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805758180081944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506756524742874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291281301775708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618061539193796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005815911848258,0.0,0.3760384502929609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448656056030565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483832497226999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244266708729364,0.0,0.0,0.10211707489935642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710721458747962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889937209543419,0.4131741785157828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277506651056513 bpd,sawahaa,2018/01/11,"Boredom in a romantic relationship How do you deal with boredom in a relationship? I have hobbies that exhilarate me and a job that I love. But for some reason, in a romantic relationship, I tend to get very bored. My honeymoon phases end fast and it’s probably because I over simplify everything and try and see things for what they are... and that’s all great except that it makes me feel like the relationship I’m in isn’t totally necessary aside from the physical intimacy. I love the guy I’m with... just need some guidance or tips if anyone has some to share with me. Thanks! ",3.7237837837837837,6.006568630630633,5.322783783783788,76.6712027027027,74.4054054054054,9.845405405405408,29.11801801801802,10.125756701596842,3.369748828828828,462,20,87,15,10,156,73,111,0.059,0.7240000000000001,0.217,0.9628,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,7,0,5,2,0,3,2,23,16,9,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,11,6,14,16,5,7,0,0,1,2,11,5,0,5,3,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660900521968605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101661046223119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193187425924766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477081419519886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498815360127281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843235928582094,0.1191400550404276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871301008185536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183863794156902,0.0,0.16512787327643413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549284427284108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147507925060334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010316941148022,0.0,0.11131983431469747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365735790371328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798055628298401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714666644303564,0.0,0.7161914693003861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328935781059674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535388088347021,0.0,0.0,0.1107941440363662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132254397960951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760217702978758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,onacloudyday,2018/01/11,"FP not talking to me and I’m trying so hard not to split on her :( My FP is my BFF, we’ll call her E. We’ve been hella tight for about ten-ish months - talking/texting/snapping every day, smoking weed together occasionally, Saturday adventures, she even babysat my kid a couple times when I was in a jam and helped me get an incredibly shitty job doing catering with her. Over Christmas she broke her phone and I didn’t hear from her for like four days. I was worried about her so I FB messaged her fiancé to make sure she was ok. I was honestly so panicked that she was mad at me and I had to know what was up. Things were normal for a few weeks. Now it’s been about a week since I’ve heard from her. One text in the whole week. I’ve texted, snapped, called, tagged her in dank memes on FB, and gotten one text in response. I know she sees my snap stories but she doesn’t open or respond to personal snaps. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to seem desperate and I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation - her phone is broken again, she’s really busy, she needs a break, etc. but the feeling of rejection and abandonment is real and I’m trying so hard not to let it get to me. Any advice? I’m not sure there’s a DBT skill for this. Thanks for letting me rant. ",0.9157654986522914,3.0614167584905667,2.572769541778978,93.47403301886796,83.30188679245283,5.898921832884097,20.785040431266843,7.1686216300943375,0.44625876010781695,991,30,223,14,28,325,149,265,0.131,0.7559999999999999,0.113,-0.7070000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,0,2,13,13,1,0,10,1,22,0,0,1,4,34,41,16,0,3,7,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,7,10,0,2,6,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,13,7,37,9,30,25,3,22,0,3,1,0,31,10,0,2,12,136,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195287387577326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182720206761527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757679763655589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941166023878702,0.0,0.17417047758423715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059770516862594,0.08918815078041599,0.0,0.1137712894602386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682768399286597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109854063167326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419264363130925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15219222299156354,0.0,0.09050990322756784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399960858825433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22263213517862654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761611782713623,0.0,0.06597039755554877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013570521324814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778220676235876,0.0,0.0,0.1001254019831633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230385937137296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300397320842668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790577609382635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369733673480193,0.08650572148061596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760397241546864,0.1229291478731494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170085306027992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818015604733926,0.0,0.0,0.10853456597132807,0.0,0.12432042229594635,0.0,0.0,0.08971005362786053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873894103983192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183357349153973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964607611753145,0.0,0.324946448254537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075973823285807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713276266958846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,breakfastatlucifers,2018/01/11,"Does anyone else go into a dream like state? I (F21) was recently diagnosed with BPD. As much as I try to prevent it, my anxiety festers until I have what I can only describe as panic attacks, although they can last as long as hours? I enter a dream like disassociative state where I feel as if what I say and do is almost if not entirely uncontrollable. It's ruining my life and I wonder if anyone else experiences anything similar?",3.9627882960413103,6.00254459036145,6.094526678141136,72.48674698795182,72.97590361445782,9.080206540447504,29.929432013769365,9.606745405546679,3.2252251290877805,343,15,59,9,7,120,58,83,0.119,0.728,0.152,0.203,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,1,2,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,12,9,13,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,2,11,2,10,8,1,11,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,5,7,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258857102028676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471302871875895,0.0,0.0,0.26896022441669903,0.3941252435574628,0.15826944215029434,0.0,0.0,0.21880070716033356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422302080864473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952087303751371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683074071751635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32133049767126753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881335528134314,0.0,0.0,0.09724674529226474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093043555642921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940420151954185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677287631628725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358468559860336,0.18792335599061555,0.0,0.0,0.17020410471896494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138310731147427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627400486324102,0.0,0.2256553054497536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990056006318032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294683448729954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057799283968188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857136102222992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Callmemike2000,2018/01/11,"Request - Maybe a sticky or something listing the common acronyms used in this sub? I'm the husband of an unofficially-diagnosed sufferer of BPD. I've been reading through this sub and I have to tell you, it's like I keep reading stories of my own experience over and over in here, but I get to read it from the perspective of someone that has BPD. Anyway... I'm running across a lot of acronyms in here that I'm not familiar with, and I'm spending a fair amount of time leaving the sub to try to find definitions on the web. My request is that maybe there can be a running list of the common acronyms or abbreviations used in here posted with the rules or something. If it's already been done and I'm just missing it, please direct me to the right place. Thanks all. I'm going to continue reading. This is unbelievably helpful to hear so many familiar stories. Seriously have felt like I am terrible for feeling the frustration that I do about some of the things that happen at home, but hearing things from the other side may be very helpful.",6.386270627062707,6.659535960396037,6.630445544554457,77.50758250825083,65.63366336633663,9.505610561056104,36.635313531353134,9.2995712137729,3.2912165016501644,832,40,158,14,12,268,113,202,0.07200000000000001,0.81,0.118,0.8634,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,8,8,1,0,16,0,14,0,0,2,1,24,32,11,0,1,8,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,15,6,0,1,3,4,1,3,1,5,0,0,4,4,9,3,31,25,5,20,0,2,0,0,9,12,0,7,6,107,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082056498018888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32144010036746645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952124010477714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058910967529028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482685082212275,0.0,0.0,0.06452333879843608,0.0,0.12252540027861407,0.0,0.11663302668628844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667084292898579,0.0,0.0725235785015062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284490664119615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876509919566383,0.0,0.1710682907020317,0.0,0.12800301358007293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342543540225496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512033117327374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468738496368052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848927122652513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293762873430629,0.2564023510082773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332505929973631,0.14007721747673266,0.0,0.0,0.12221489423255727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5105772503782152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897805450982567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812335212527006,0.196480485534562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153657197804707,0.11748594011889645,0.0,0.0,0.1695565345409782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441028868136851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663866380610608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042775500277964,0.0,0.10529143252736747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blueraven11,2018/01/11,"Photos with sig other as an emotional trigger? Is seeing a picture of yourself with your significant other a trigger for you? I dislike seeing myself in pictures in general, but when I’m in a picture with a boyfriend or significant other, it sometimes triggers panicky thoughts and splitting, centered around how I think we look together or how one of us looks. Eg. “He looks creepy in this picture, oh no am I dating someone who’s creepy again? Why did I think I was ready to be in a relationship, I only attract weirdos. Look at you going around and leading people on again you don’t deserve to be in a relationship, you shouldn’t be dating him. You’re just pretending to like him, you can’t love anyone you’re a tease with a black hole for a heart” It also has a dissociative feel to it, like seeing us in a photo together makes the relationship “real”, kind of like being snapped out of a dream. This is happening with someone I’m currently seeing (and who I think I like), so all of this is really unsettling and I don’t know how to deal with it. TLDR I am attracted to the guy I’m dating but seeing us in photos together triggers me to panic, and I don’t know if I should be listening to these feelings of panic as indicators of a bad relationship or if this is just some irrational emotional response to being close to someone/having a fear of commitment.",5.595136514983351,6.308686649056604,6.875826859045508,73.5306770255272,67.41509433962264,9.706992230854608,33.70144284128746,9.773937934552695,3.3785227524972257,1082,48,193,23,17,368,128,265,0.124,0.73,0.146,0.4749,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,4,6,0,1,12,13,1,3,17,0,21,2,1,9,2,50,46,20,0,4,9,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,1,14,16,0,0,8,2,0,2,6,5,0,1,3,13,26,8,41,35,2,24,0,0,10,1,24,15,0,7,11,145,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952468189718903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953298955238797,0.0,0.0,0.17705104184953396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303090863350245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252156078399086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223720404698664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119012338886556,0.1005629280548883,0.0710422337176275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056515855680633074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846439102800926,0.08793728315400079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178406571454801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355477806861924,0.10930275144576823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433167528148254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340289316545626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975136012175024,0.0,0.06637910049738317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738527812193293,0.0756310259184198,0.0,0.2333503108916123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894138582478987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318811937136793,0.06370585292670969,0.0,0.0,0.4270590753994876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962167313156059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851578178236545,0.0,0.0983518561594569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115753950821865,0.0,0.07894678373876156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588537348627867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973201020193827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,janglimusafir,2018/01/11,"What medication do you take and what are the pros and cons? I am very likely a BDP. Never self-harmed but I abused drugs regularly, all kind of them. Now I am close to 40 and my use is kind of controlled. It is so clear to me that most of my drug use is just self-medication. My anger issues sometimes get out of control and I find it really difficult to behave correctly in social setting. I just end up flipping and once I flip it is really difficult to get back to a good state of mind. After that comes the feeling of shame that are so depresive and hopeless. I was wondering if there is any medication you can take to unblock yourself when you are in a very bad place and out of order. I haven't had proper depression for a while, my problems are more conductual than cognitive at the moment, though the conductual part has a impact in my cognition. Even if I am more interested in occasional medication for unblocking (don't know if you understand what I mean...), just discuss your medications in general. I'd love to hear what you need to say good or bad about them. Not ""official"" medications are allowed.",5.504803986710968,6.311601158139535,6.754634551495018,73.98796511627906,67.65116279069767,10.794019933554818,31.63621262458472,10.7630783206399,3.4989468438538207,879,35,168,25,14,298,124,215,0.142,0.73,0.128,-0.6772,1,0,2,0,1,1,26.0,0,6,2,2,12,16,1,1,9,0,20,8,0,5,4,40,35,17,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,10,11,0,2,6,0,0,1,4,9,0,0,2,3,24,7,29,33,5,23,0,2,0,1,13,11,0,6,9,123,34,0,0.0,0.12812299540887445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353591146327737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314959631350569,0.1805774068917513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314923851107376,0.0,0.0,0.24256652532718626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313702791958647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508059145294477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577603917830567,0.0,0.0,0.07142253941847045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054676605003050265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883397308929998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299276856816713,0.0,0.0,0.1813980101361743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218766725252748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286546472995412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252131598056109,0.0594284940001441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05282958866883429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759659470505873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779136196580413,0.12011426655503067,0.5446761682401599,0.0,0.0,0.10918612307979098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801811721328227,0.08340083577809132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516087753103987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171003096349272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297867934442085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347115860495533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854885987229576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599376391051483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22561801428495146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023061937075468,0.0,0.0,0.1069488666362682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626090168026295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624267122650097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125729660661537,0.0,0.18678886611317524,0.0,0.17844637843334074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726843800568988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nayamesan,2018/01/11,"I just broke up with my partner, and he is suffering of BPD. It's also assumed that I suffer of BPD. Essentially title + some more explenation. Me and my partner were together in a relationship for almost a year, until in november he told me that he was unsatisfied with how angerful and annoying I've been. that was around the time where i was looking for another therapist because I've known of the issue, I found a therapist already in summer, yet they just put me on the waiting list until a new spot was free (wich im still on while im at my new therapist) So, in december I had an operation and was essentially stuffed with meds so I can cope with the pain. My partner was reaching out to friends, and such, and while I thought that was a good sign, I noticed they actually were avoiding me permanently, and when I confronted them about it, they said they were feeling uncomfortable around me. I know It's sort of pathetic, but I begged them to wait until i was off meds and can look for a proper change, but they told me it was too late so we had a break. of course I felt really sad about it, yet I was looking forward to reunite. fastforward some days, and my partner said we should get back together, wich i was of course happy about, but i was still on my meds wich probably influenced my personality. in the end, they broke up with me completly, because iw as just so 'strange'. of course I was broken by it, yet neither of us knew about the side effects of my meds wich essentially makes one depressive and emotionally numb. as i told them that, they said it wasn't excusing my behaviour in december, wich.. i agree with partly, but I still felt hurt. Of course in january things just escelated quickly: I ended up avoiding bringing up our relationship in order to let them heal a bit, but they wanted to completly avoid me, despite tellingme they want us to be friends. then I of course talked about it, wich just made them more aggressive, and in the end, they blocked me yesterday wich was really just painful. They told me I was selfish, and delusional, and that we may never even get back together, despite me wishing for it so badly and getting an actual chance to change and work on my issues. and now im sitting here, thinking what to make out of all this. I know I had impulsive effects, like overly caring for my friends, and investing alot of money into not needed things, and just as I stopped those impulsive actions, I kinda just faded out of existence. worst of all though, it all happened in short periods where i just couldn't recover completly out of it. My new psychatrist assumes I may suffer of BPD, but I never showed such strong effects until like very lately. While I'll put the assumption byside, I researched our old logs, and finally recalled they were suffering of BPD too, it wasn't too severe, yet they never wanted to talk about their mental illness wich was a shame. I feel like if I've prepared better for it this could've been all avoided. But as other BPD symptomes shows, is there a chance they may return to me, and not put me as a negative influence in their life? Because right now I am very afraid about their situation, and if they'll loose all the new contacts they've made over the past month, I won't be even able to help them at all, yet despite loving them.",7.571290491118077,6.805699963949845,7.689498432601884,74.36746603970744,63.46708463949843,11.307001044932079,36.2612330198537,10.637119530657019,3.729398537095089,2619,108,498,57,33,851,265,638,0.165,0.752,0.08199999999999999,-0.9955,1,5,0,0,0,0,75.0,7,0,25,6,51,38,4,6,24,0,42,8,0,10,9,114,80,52,0,9,20,0,4,3,7,6,7,3,0,5,26,37,0,8,16,2,3,6,11,25,0,1,41,10,91,14,89,29,15,92,0,9,3,1,58,37,0,13,51,367,117,2,0.05981137028313953,0.0,0.11673453900490947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989244760402713,0.0,0.06600333441138483,0.04783113120617378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627174367913168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648960059775056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198250362435806,0.04993999586381575,0.10938136852660152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052898296495986506,0.06529852534010003,0.0,0.3766516353766893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060981678222529326,0.0,0.12654499810976505,0.0,0.18813325134879516,0.0,0.0,0.04775451227559191,0.0,0.0,0.0385733857614174,0.0,0.05151544558240866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727974117818092,0.1589253633468494,0.0,0.0,0.07900969195509171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048485189150313,0.04272925488115175,0.11485659029440574,0.06552043258849675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558008033404608,0.13863034893670387,0.0,0.09374691704900852,0.0,0.0,0.05016693966225496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052890997211296524,0.06367031585431321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040090300731213016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402930893628474,0.0,0.19381963076538616,0.12485506218749502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657415298102958,0.0,0.13493966175859165,0.0,0.0,0.061161178458827924,0.04224653966334425,0.08766244299399745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067946147791053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398209687233885,0.11318992948067755,0.07984910821379487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657477955053082,0.0,0.06027579346097923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04774086512624435,0.0,0.0,0.04434937319782696,0.1383906480491247,0.23106477651078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680956414944474,0.06276197175671529,0.0,0.040529732434284836,0.0,0.1272870299928298,0.0,0.0,0.06476988544115528,0.05709672073287232,0.0,0.05222498149913871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448677332403563,0.0,0.0,0.1803808414376326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766333907220915,0.0,0.0,0.1284300558072536,0.0,0.05107858341802614,0.1706829294157301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675698237902577,0.0,0.0,0.06723048619642705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329631270883572,0.05000498373257965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062166915088839175,0.0,0.0961482276382972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20833683257906047,0.07947203345277118,0.03832471100015447,0.05876436762427071,0.04748354700992028,0.03487649100239722,0.0,0.0,0.2286093098620123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143891428141667,0.0,0.0,0.09870128887404038,0.10583488755649358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878012404447824,0.0,0.0,0.04354338991610759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038516561469537934 bpd,nice_____,2018/01/11,"Little things going a long way Hi all, Diagnosed BPD a little while ago, had a really tumultuous time dealing with it all but recently hopped on the skincare band wagon. Bizarrely, taking the time to do a daily routine in the morning really is making me feel so much better. I know it's common sense that self-care would make you feel good, but doing 3-steps just sets me up so much better for the rest of my day. Does anybody else have any experiences with things like this? I used to think doing these small things would be faddy and not help me in the long term but I could not be more wrong. ",4.030769230769232,5.593420794871796,4.406495726495726,86.6246153846154,71.8205128205128,7.2512820512820495,22.401709401709404,7.793537801064563,0.9110786324786329,471,11,93,6,9,148,85,117,0.023,0.821,0.155,0.9546,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,3,5,0,0,9,0,11,1,0,3,2,21,20,7,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,8,4,10,14,7,20,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,11,62,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969300537680787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716582058557153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787490594518507,0.0,0.0,0.19847763738520285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258218719993476,0.0,0.0,0.10163176995391814,0.16246718257537107,0.0,0.1599493634914234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379070628492136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164526113696734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415213226406552,0.0,0.0,0.15936331311841198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956137394957157,0.13217804894239182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562848297785307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660670955129972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698995100810181,0.3158908515251273,0.0,0.27892234287994144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103835594625728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316918713568989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019109026319016,0.0,0.15559997573058942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439953730503756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848720151492988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140850846591074,0.10097657063368376,0.0,0.0,0.1837826491187059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610616714299673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508669237796688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22389319233539245,0.1722986665660803,0.0,0.0 bpd,davfromBK,2018/01/11,"Girl at work approaches me but I’m straight petrified I’m on an honest road in life. I don’t like to fake confidence like I used to for an artificial relationship or hook up. I faked it in my head at least. I’m as real as they come but damn it, I wanted to flirt back with this girl instead of getting dismissive to her. I told her I’m not in a great mood. She sees me chat it up with every worker in my wearhouse. I know she likes me...I just. I don’t know. I think I’m afraid of women in general. It makes sense. I’ve been telling my therapist (female therapist) mostly about the shit my mom would put me through and never my dad. My mom did tons of damage to me. The girl is shy herself. Any tips? Also, I’m 22, she’s like 27. I think she knows of my age. Maybe she just wants to be friends",-1.0141835187057635,1.061532156976746,1.527684529828111,97.42944893832157,93.7093023255814,5.084327603640041,17.361981799797775,6.7026698264267655,-0.14393710819009042,609,17,148,9,23,207,103,172,0.122,0.701,0.177,0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,2,6,15,2,1,5,0,7,3,2,2,1,24,26,7,0,3,6,3,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,5,1,0,3,4,6,0,0,3,1,29,8,27,21,3,18,0,1,1,0,21,12,2,2,7,87,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992066896297344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104796173309764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492312122259855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994648356965672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688110102237086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12551760898699832,0.0,0.0848796022526537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911474415944215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667327106524737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678543236240806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475159704615193,0.3174825808911281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844453490464452,0.0,0.16321474736271907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805466700185072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530058087943194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331901418391415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491713310341215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442320874147232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946104670596814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667647366896985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419988026280851,0.0,0.0,0.3772614191599249,0.0,0.2081979650236669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523924335184167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403148614005828,0.0,0.0,0.1916483964065357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827414916095673,0.0,0.0,0.11540822473557948,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ontheflipside123,2018/01/11,"Difficulty with lack of services in UK? Is there anyone else here who is in the UK and is struggling with a frustrating lack of mental health services on offer? I finally went to my GP for help before Christmas and all they offer is six one-hour telephone sessions with a 'counsellor', no face-to-face and nothing with someone qualified to diagnose. I'm on session 5 of my phone thing and feel basically no closer to diagnosis or help (it's a lot of ""how do you feel on a scale of one to ten"", no actual advice or coping mechanisms given and they're not allowed to talk about past abuse in case it triggers a reaction and they aren't physically present to deal with it) - I feel really lost and don't know where to turn to get proper psychiatric help without having to pay a fortune (which I don't have) - any advice?",7.586624999999998,6.459730412500004,8.213750000000005,71.79625000000004,63.625,11.5,36.25,10.686352973137794,3.7968125,646,26,121,14,8,217,99,160,0.163,0.779,0.058,-0.9454,1,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,2,1,5,3,1,1,7,0,10,2,0,3,1,27,20,10,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,12,0,0,4,0,1,1,8,3,0,3,3,3,8,0,28,17,4,12,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,3,3,83,14,6,0.0,0.20087741813445228,0.1654467824821711,0.0,0.0,0.3313454500212509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152931523944348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854645253298855,0.17371397417132906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426622624419155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478850567658186,0.0,0.17207973810721114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14162908538688532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25717386352823096,0.0,0.0,0.1857230062501189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857775899401486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802133086275702,0.0,0.0,0.3409176746451812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696294951180826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317486217264057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507316002417748,0.14413701849210506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708566491920526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267839811177234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297696597177192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184530844190864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086117959067442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436508645372675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724023218130924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362699937800809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126349779950172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441105708589775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571654675129156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343070644819874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DudeBored,2018/01/11,"How to help my husband quit smoking? I have BPD. My husband does not. He's trying to quit smoking and I'm so proud of him. The trouble is the withdrawal. He's so irritable and flat out mean. Logically I know it's from the withdrawal but in the moment, it's hard to remember that. I end up saying something just as hurtful or splitting entirely. How can I support him without letting my own issues get in the way?",0.4711044176706807,2.945029915662652,3.030391566265063,85.65554718875505,93.21686746987952,5.658232931726907,27.398594377510037,7.1686216300943375,1.8941172690763053,325,17,62,6,12,112,57,83,0.119,0.7559999999999999,0.125,-0.2994,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,5,0,4,0,0,2,0,14,9,9,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,9,2,11,8,1,7,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832415855420349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680310413533994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918614297349704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749595174368095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145762499958134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073929431647629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407498239870444,0.0,0.0,0.2347271487456027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235938821877445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299656703066303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449715739641705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4783972444058638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25475698290024024,0.0,0.0,0.17884187214320313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313161670637273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25520296031091794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268581908499493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785075313577141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21678631991096933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lynnabis,2018/01/11,"Diagnosed. I had been diagnosed previously by my therapist, and I was pretty confident I had BPD based on my own research and from what I've read in this sub (thanks to all of you who post and put your hearts out there because you don't know how many times you've touched me and probably countless others) but tonight the psychiatrist gave me his opinion. BPD and Bipolar 2. What is the acronym for Bipolar 2? Anyways. I'm overwhelmed with emotions. Relief. I think. I am going to start adding Lamotrigine to my routine. In the past I tried it without success. I'm hopeful it will work this time. Hold my hand? hug me? Something. I need some support I think. I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I do have some questions regarding dating. I am single. The dr mentioned to me that at some point I might enter a relationship again. He told me that most people are happier in relationships and that it's ok. At what point do you tell someone of your diagnosis? I think it's on my mind because I have a date coming up and I quite like the guy. So far. We've only been texting...but if it goes well...how many dates later is appropriate to tell him, and when is it misleading if I don't tell him? I mean...I am trying to sort it out myself. Maybe I shouldn't be dating right now. The dr didn't discourage it though? Any thoughts on that? I thought he'd be against it in all honesty. Thanks for reading. Thanks for any input you have. ",0.9717017543859612,3.486114021052632,2.5269736842105286,91.04589912280704,87.73684210526315,5.412280701754386,23.706140350877188,6.937597516519254,0.9439298245614038,1116,45,230,16,36,363,160,285,0.038,0.784,0.17800000000000002,0.9911,0,1,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,6,0,3,8,13,0,1,9,1,27,9,2,1,2,40,47,15,0,5,4,0,3,2,0,3,6,0,0,1,20,12,0,2,8,3,0,4,5,2,0,0,10,3,41,11,29,31,8,35,0,2,0,1,22,17,0,11,15,152,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800457865070138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267304097676916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27411350869400875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374000759037247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090287761192484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240943743634505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502337378090765,0.07774203587115233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618457141575274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775030314722914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895389285332878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080842125646848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059805400105290625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063292866795481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22065565574966828,0.1093257312823208,0.11853841578578365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544231735830104,0.10987860094042724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068969542292312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276358473316035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388234767225317,0.0754430626590489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574281016304555,0.0,0.10422082818682482,0.11071049429781434,0.1173278836459063,0.0,0.0,0.10939557206974856,0.12190488230497913,0.11574496287567144,0.2177017139437734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23366693459252946,0.0,0.09293288814365584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922040261589444,0.08377603668336878,0.0,0.0,0.0770243529331899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234892446073069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853441221955774,0.3005643965832745,0.0,0.1263500425075125,0.0,0.20918509337075844,0.10691648119066137,0.1727840855265234,0.12690927665880244,0.0,0.0,0.10398351912059416,0.0,0.14776518609409955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784351503538638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048999543515808,0.0,0.07922328133793012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Senpai_Hates_Me,2018/01/11,"My husband and I are trying for a baby. I was curious as to how BPD affects/is affected by pregnancy. Should I expect my symptoms to worsen, better, stay the same? Any BPD mothers' experiences or advice is much appreciated! Thanks in advance! ",3.4156818181818167,6.360903750000002,6.078363636363638,67.1575454545455,79.68181818181819,8.065454545454546,31.52727272727273,8.841846274778883,3.66204181818182,191,10,28,5,5,68,38,44,0.098,0.662,0.24,0.7955,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,2,0,7,5,4,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,6,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653017466291738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462589241931845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240115241879987,0.0,0.0,0.683876831760193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655741805743775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958004465338208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893775189476388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28218723176883004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499560957485646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432726608759215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hunterNXhunter,2018/01/11,"Splitting and cognizant of gray area, but can’t find it? So there will be times where I am splitting, but I can acknowledge the thought process and realize that there are shades of grey between the black and white, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot figure out what the rational answer is. I know there is one, but no matter how hard I try i can’t reach it. This is so frustrating, it’s like a mental wall that I hit and cannot get past no matter what. Does anybody have any tips for being rational when you know you’re splitting?",5.8451681957186565,5.280788577981653,5.784908256880738,85.94445718654434,66.88990825688072,9.101529051987768,30.093272171253822,8.344100000000001,1.866962079510704,421,13,91,5,6,132,67,109,0.157,0.755,0.08800000000000001,-0.8892,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,9,2,1,0,4,0,14,0,0,2,0,22,19,13,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,8,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,6,9,1,5,14,0,7,0,0,4,0,1,4,0,0,4,61,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474608745507305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25061032310073245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617432650765884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962009140497284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130748390790779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147704695454803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399092700476579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886005218419401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940563741930836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733791204198405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273512410059057,0.16698865208342034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888621840789286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,purplewhitewine,2018/01/11,"Is anyone else a vengeful bitch? When people wrong me, i dehumanize them. I don't see them as human and I obsess over how I can make them feel agonizing pain. I feel no remorse when I hurt them because I feel as if they deserve the pain. They asked for it. I don't know if this is just me or if it's a BPD thing.",-0.11881987577639565,1.6492435362318858,2.4484886128364387,95.06478260869568,84.65217391304348,5.1022774327122145,18.552795031055894,6.18269132825596,-0.3342770186335402,240,6,59,2,7,83,45,69,0.392,0.608,0.0,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,6,0,4,6,1,1,3,0,5,2,0,2,0,12,12,10,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,4,16,0,4,12,0,3,0,1,1,0,8,1,1,4,2,42,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190584232587072,0.2519050247023367,0.0,0.0,0.2298389773589131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986945261894927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096427216937309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053782859044226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729313588841184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631902748460357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511414996520005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410850816703293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5232089642180092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044322526063935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959126779356872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633335317410802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688012048237896,0.0,0.0 bpd,loomin,2018/01/11,Does anyone else go from fine to suicidal in a split second? I can be fine and not in any sort of depressive state then one thing goes wrong and I'm so genuinely upset I'm actually considering death. Life feels like a rollercoaster.,1.892666666666667,4.6882728222222285,3.59277777777778,82.6625,87.44444444444444,8.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.0723333333333334,187,6,36,6,6,62,38,45,0.312,0.578,0.11,-0.9212,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,6,4,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,0,1,1,3,5,5,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.3043904052195209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211732769816669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181027771134904,0.3196004551856568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686575453942396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27296462139176464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605704024279217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577168911090061,0.2228367939578699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727218625634344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031939196174133,0.15238909736534104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136609240546828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34119151251600005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072267957068898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410372124083288,0.0,0.0 bpd,MKandtheforce,2018/01/11,"Dog died, my symptoms are returning Things have really amped up for me. I'm overwhelmed, grieving, and my symptoms are trying hard to sneak out. My pug, Mabel, was a piece of my heart. She and I had such a bond that I don't know I'll ever be able to recreate. She died last week from liver shunt complications. I thought the vets could stabilize her long enough to book her for corrective surgery (which was 6 hours away and super expensive, and only had an 80% success rate). But Mabel must have been too tired and in too much pain to want to wait any longer. I know she loved me, that much I know and feel. But shit, guys... I'm so lost without her. Our house feels so quiet and empty. Our other pug is lonely and sad. I really feel like I've lost a part of my soul. Meanwhile, husband and I had a pretty heavy couples' therapy session, talking about our future. I'm not totally hopeless about reconciling our differences about having kids, but it's hurting. A lot. I don't have many friends around here. The ones I did have were out of town when Mabel died. I've been walking around the past week-ish in such a stupor. I don't like leaving our other pug home alone for long, so any outings I have are brief. So I've been trying to talk more with my newly-discovered half-siblings and bio-dad (for the interested, you'll have to hunt through my profile. It's an interesting story.). And here's where my BPD symptoms are starting to fuck with my mind. These relationships are all very new, and I've been very good at boundaries with them until now. I've started becoming paranoid, though, that I text them too much. They're all busy people, so I don't expect constant conversation, but shit, I still feel so alone and I'm panicking if I've pushed a couple of them too hard over the past week. I'm especially worried about the bio-dad. On one hand, I thought I was being good with boundaries. On the other hand, what if I haven't? Have I been harassing him too much? I don't think I could handle rejection from these guys on top of everything else. That would be the straw to break the camel's back. I'm so, so sad. And isolated and lonely. My short-term memory has gone to mush. I can't keep focus on *anything*. I need company desperately, but the only person I've hung out with is a friend I basically take care of, so being with them was exhausting. And I keep randomly crying at shit that reminds me of Mabel. Oh, that's another thing- my husband *despises* tattoos. I'm going to get a tattoo of Mabel's paw print, and he knows he can't control what I do with my body. But I think there's a cultural stigma for him about tattoos, so getting it will upset him. I had a very tearful argument about it yesterday. Which I could have done without. I'm just so tired of this shit. I need a hug.",2.6675163374831143,4.567600316636856,3.8677704355445246,87.65177868642986,76.24508050089445,6.996181227410465,24.28830637800737,7.8877783879560495,1.2475432879412949,2183,72,450,34,49,711,263,559,0.183,0.713,0.104,-0.9926,0,6,0,0,0,1,91.0,5,1,4,6,38,34,7,2,24,0,53,19,9,1,6,75,91,39,4,11,12,2,8,2,2,4,7,1,1,4,22,29,0,4,13,1,1,5,11,21,0,2,21,9,63,13,60,59,12,46,1,11,0,3,35,19,5,4,23,290,85,3,0.07278625235919736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507692125178932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886387402141531,0.0,0.09899429510239982,0.07632273194887212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989688390099158,0.1295903923626201,0.0,0.0,0.06838508006837785,0.055968135236993635,0.0,0.0,0.0803866972053135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084911788504183,0.09167173684285324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421043522963079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865608101041707,0.08163597116150101,0.17434169951268189,0.16107320763761232,0.07995228043747239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662191544480945,0.07604614195124396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448560701051443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060803574118201816,0.0,0.0,0.0752076556787404,0.0,0.0,0.06583933235048355,0.0,0.0,0.0654155903358013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472116646999693,0.05199851322879149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246895603722064,0.06728971744403298,0.07605562543180164,0.0,0.04136610457557571,0.12209931031708343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413966654779964,0.0,0.0,0.13040437087376114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625205949779029,0.0,0.0,0.07301054574454248,0.0,0.07167979689978904,0.08398556275320733,0.07791918855159864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939153084627342,0.0,0.0,0.16000568308667465,0.05933051032443856,0.0,0.07707013174320931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111937265417143,0.0,0.0,0.12882708577620516,0.0,0.0,0.1589095851615508,0.061880268894773736,0.06569243451919876,0.0,0.0,0.0737938356381811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349336585462407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140250815101785,0.10794016770618003,0.0,0.07029741608835938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864369664321808,0.11071444958663272,0.0774497043225451,0.0,0.0,0.07882041833649782,0.1389654276259567,0.0504608227420087,0.06355414806342059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740497857793702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325747411962387,0.0,0.0,0.07814519553924759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988561683206568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303696809724963,0.0,0.05812719515589013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269583566784417,0.05472620341324441,0.11700566510417212,0.0,0.0,0.08323742295753493,0.0,0.09671190369003443,0.0932769830634326,0.07151212338692302,0.11556830813983665,0.0,0.16731417959325992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883417507361687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801688429680342,0.042931217468226326,0.0,0.17515422373045916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032669978158746,0.0,0.0,0.07391797239953271,0.0,0.05170526533637235,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Milfy-Way,2018/01/11,"What to talk about in therapy now that I'm single? My relationship with my ex crashed and burned. He cheated and turned out to be not the person I thought he was. He was a huge trigger for me. Every week I showed up at therapy in crisis due to our relationship. I had no shortage of things to talk about, but I also used my ex as a crutch to avoid talking about myself. At one point my therapist said: ""I think I know more about [exes name] than I do about you"". He pointed out that I need to focus on myself instead of what my ex does to me. Once the relationship ended I had a lot of anxiety about what to talk about in therapy. Now I didn't have my ex to talk about anymore. It was a combination of being afraid of having nothing to talk about, and being afraid to have to face myself. I've been having a lot of anxiety about my sense of self lately. I have no idea who I am since I left my ex. He became my entire identity when I was with him. Now... I feel like I'm just nothing. Floating through everyday. While this is something I will definitely talk about in therapy... I'm still really scared that I will run out of things to talk about quick. Without my ex around triggering me, I'm actually pretty ""stable"" lately, so to speak (no crisis' I mean) but rather a vague feeling of apathy and emptiness. I don't feel like this is enough to fill 1hr a week of therapy though. At the same time I know it's a bad idea to stop going. My therapist has been on vacation for a month now but next week I go back. I'm really nervous. Has anyone else felt like they ran out of stuff to talk about, despite knowing they have an iceberg of issues they haven't unveiled yet?",2.805855119825708,4.244932720588238,4.383464052287582,86.0641067538127,74.73529411764707,7.625272331154685,24.65141612200436,8.285830014693849,1.4113344226579514,1295,41,274,22,27,434,163,340,0.135,0.804,0.061,-0.9741,1,1,1,0,0,0,43.0,1,1,3,0,29,10,1,5,13,0,28,1,1,3,0,40,50,13,0,2,7,6,4,3,0,2,0,2,0,2,14,11,0,2,12,1,0,5,8,7,0,1,13,6,44,3,65,32,6,46,0,0,0,0,35,19,0,2,25,198,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.07364221488063535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060348727502505015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545987799159133,0.0,0.0748402507624137,0.05276635302177695,0.07732203444375063,0.0,0.06717917521773711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058027344391011065,0.06300949038547174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603926719978774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304069129016038,0.0,0.06683891992514468,0.07797473541741798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635818790942043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447096543971814,0.10782333991193042,0.07245750722125179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577613623027855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703798885988473,0.0,0.07876506299613607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124419522434604,0.0,0.1702539051741752,0.0,0.08199212033562887,0.0,0.0,0.11060405119094877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831400077778554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220268323738998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023483843229047,0.0,0.0,0.05595577964664779,0.0,0.0,0.08025707807475829,0.0,0.0,0.14481995201660294,0.0,0.0,0.08036695542897407,0.051136523781615865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589246580285943,0.0,0.0,0.14267620281653562,0.0,0.0,0.07677426455795061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668865229939536,0.0,0.0,0.2430610643819476,0.0,0.0,0.071783775802412,0.0,0.07555287163579065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872566311907903,0.0,0.0,0.062424801263066425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809606076406532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026584158131632,0.06309148583663714,0.0,0.0,0.08638850305754595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.545897696640627,0.0,0.0,0.4314996906475973,0.17523960401234656,0.10027017906472184,0.04835443951327768,0.07414323515218049,0.05991017914676025,0.044003806698085526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208342579130093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517687603370335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159859032125766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274483687012319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,finding_home,2018/01/11,"Shock to the system (Venting) I'll preface by saying my story isn't worse or more significant than anyone else's situation. I'm just in a deep dark place (Like many others here) and maybe writing it out will make me feel slightly better because I don't really have anyone I can talk to. BPD seems to be the best explanation for what I'm feeling. The backstory in all of this is that I had some childhood abuse. It wasn't violent abuse, it took a different form. Parents were in shouting matches every night, typically my mother doing the shouting, even when I had friends over. My dad wasn't around a lot (Kind of don't blame him even though he had his own flaws). And, my mother suffers OCD, so she would constantly move our rooms around while I was at school, come home and find out my room was in a different part of the house now. She also threw my stuff away constantly. This drove me nuts. My grades suffered. I managed to get my GED instead of dropping out. And, I lost the ability to use public restrooms before I was 20 due to social anxiety. That led to staying indoors and a vicious drinking problem. Now, I'm 30. I don't really have many friends left because they either moved on or are too apathetic to hang out with because I'm trying to escape that. Never been in a relationship. The one good thing is I managed to land somewhat of a respectable job, but I'm worried about losing it because I'm getting obsessed with online communities that are local trying to find some circle of people that possess positive traits who will... I don't know, pull me in and be the influence I need to reform. I had a good few months of feeling optimistic about it, and now I'm sliding back into the drinking and other counterproductive problems. Turning 30 was a jolt to the system, like hitting your midlife crisis early. Because, I know where the direction of the path I'm on leads, except I can see the end now. Everyone else's struggle is just as important. I hope you can find peace one day. That's all I wanted to say. Thanks for reading.",4.382586062132663,5.927106624685145,5.2647027707808585,80.88729764903444,70.91435768261965,7.711469353484468,29.858018471872374,8.238735603445708,2.200812325776658,1618,66,299,24,30,528,223,397,0.101,0.765,0.134,0.9077,4,0,2,0,2,0,48.0,1,2,1,5,21,23,2,2,22,0,33,2,0,5,3,53,63,17,0,6,7,4,3,2,2,3,0,4,3,0,19,18,2,0,9,3,0,11,8,11,0,2,16,8,36,12,50,41,13,58,0,4,1,0,23,26,0,8,19,205,55,7,0.0,0.2122259104204087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716204248123029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851250931671411,0.0,0.0,0.12524368866133054,0.09176393908194776,0.0,0.15945327322551234,0.0,0.0,0.0841437753053434,0.0688654629186921,0.0,0.27297215163970784,0.0,0.07620824553583586,0.0,0.09398680901330564,0.07920779566260175,0.0,0.0,0.11279662199770507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714728290925965,0.0,0.19356326263921025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577582466693776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871405129535737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754677549904658,0.0,0.0,0.1496303659584244,0.0,0.07932282977856744,0.0,0.0,0.1183059559624729,0.0,0.07545745170687104,0.08557761166984149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585140089535025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455663386467705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838636375302735,0.0,0.09358192533578884,0.0,0.0,0.15023594213804026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898351358206577,0.0889524498567321,0.0,0.1033392417488227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887364326939061,0.0,0.0,0.09326207939073083,0.09843874008600324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730628519806726,0.0,0.0,0.0875081597694404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019378738128806,0.09776439842089107,0.0761399918887246,0.0,0.0,0.0597814321650141,0.18159785493121935,0.0899742099163765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148526399072791,0.19037441916688588,0.0,0.06640697948155039,0.0690735423658478,0.0,0.0,0.08404520113843666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137520402602475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944484428742792,0.09698383862895084,0.0,0.062089042321524325,0.0,0.09357025647678684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139203440501313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958339212453795,0.0,0.11474777743945465,0.0,0.0,0.09615301712115913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244207121559851,0.0,0.0906386473538642,0.07136705218450885,0.08153129214771516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066824388849636,0.0,0.09129428123932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954581442256442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936266753802718,0.10252380694561528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198425726878918,0.0,0.08245403832618663,0.0,0.0,0.05949912382430074,0.0,0.08799141619576345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950351778577718,0.12160957641005884,0.09741464432664446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735035588412155,0.0,0.0,0.05282431069202897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095167037011256,0.0912684313644908,0.06362025494766782,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaytommy20,2018/01/11,Had anyone figured out how not to be abandoned/have a healthy relationship? I’m sick of this. Give me stability. Share your tips below...,2.0422000000000007,4.86618752,3.3675,82.05125000000002,93.8,5.7,26.25,7.1686216300943375,1.8268000000000004,108,5,19,2,4,35,25,25,0.121,0.6990000000000001,0.18,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43685885338267016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993433692037412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6707770628254118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HIFDLTY,2018/01/12,"I will never get over my ex-girlfriend and I honestly don't even want to. Having a really hard time lately, more so than usual. Therapy has gotten tough lately, because I've gotten to the point where my therapist wants me to let go of any hope that I have that my ex will come back to me at some point. My therapist is great, I love her and I couldn't ask for a better one, but on this point she doesn't understand that letting go of my ex is something that I just can't *decide* to do. The only time in my life that I've been happy was when I was together with my ex, and her leaving me has pretty much destroyed my life for the last 3 and a half years. I know for certain that nobody else can ever replace what she was to me. I have reached the point where I'm not even attracted to other women anymore, it just isn't there. I have no idea how I'm supposed to just move on from that. I've gotten to the point where I'm feeling desperate. I just want to believe at some point she'll remember me and care about me again, but its getting harder to convince myself that's true, and if she's gone forever, then I will never stop being miserable. I don't know what to do. I wish I could talk to my ex somehow and make everything okay again, but I'm also terrified to talk to her because I'm afraid what she'd say to me. I feel like I'm running out of options completely. Somebody please help.",4.214656806977627,4.235328078498295,5.4177189988623455,85.21271425862723,70.26279863481228,8.558892681076982,27.88187334091771,8.344100000000001,1.6972929086082669,1089,34,237,15,18,364,150,293,0.073,0.732,0.195,0.9891,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,20,17,1,2,8,1,30,3,0,2,5,46,59,16,0,8,9,4,3,1,0,4,2,1,0,1,15,10,0,1,8,0,0,6,10,4,0,2,8,4,41,13,33,41,4,38,0,1,0,1,19,16,0,6,17,166,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951820576054247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761927115518689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861289053773638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295838664788016,0.0,0.0,0.07645944665247073,0.0,0.12122941620561628,0.0,0.0,0.11202929607516364,0.0,0.08794225683307906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013807015272174,0.0,0.0,0.08565452567926532,0.10425580031178792,0.0,0.0,0.07939082847019781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306525868486175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135187865159922,0.08994473191164506,0.0,0.0,0.08936584751914536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055473865697906,0.07103644835386047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390146126361276,0.0,0.11302250656106193,0.0,0.0,0.10962753805459988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585050257578917,0.08907430983586698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664924500332839,0.0,0.0,0.0987614808087107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225011362914873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929385031548618,0.08105286999122377,0.22433422581468665,0.10528740329772217,0.0,0.20335823346024445,0.14046788979923255,0.04857896244338851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974405116988153,0.0,0.06637369487846033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056837646141395,0.07309623249338587,0.0,0.15338094318350146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673797905643763,0.07562486686381083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914986931450514,0.5639898033754183,0.0,0.0,0.10116123436041016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370066500518776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264057355860232,0.0,0.0,0.07907477481154307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654999044548479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313218787070224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984431804252935,0.0,0.0,0.11371269157283158,0.230903607514696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596280153944448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351543573335943,0.0,0.0,0.10951370384388937,0.0,0.17594817753912675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434544653417085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640329380235936 bpd,sonictheedgehog42069,2018/01/12,"I think I convinced myself I loved someone. Am I really just using them? Sooo last year I got out of a really horrible relationship but it was the first relationship in which I actually felt like I loved the person. Afterwards I decided to ""rebound"" with this guy who's just the sweetest person. I wanted to get to know him because I wanted to know what it was like to be treated right for once and that's all he did. He was so sweet and kind and amazing. But I couldn't get myself to feel the level of love I felt for the other guy for this one. And why? But anyway I thought that those feelings would grow with times so after a couple of months we started dating and now is been 4 months and we've said I love you and all of that and I'm starting to think I never really loved him in the first place. Here's the thing though he's so so so suicidal and every time I've even mentioned breaking up with him he says something that hints he's going to kill him self if I do. I'm scared to break up with him because one, he's my best friend and I don't want to lose him and two because I don't know what I'd do if I did lose him. My life would be so fucking lonely. I'd have no one. But god, I can't go on pretending. Help...please. I know this is a mess...",1.7321414141414166,3.0429530962962983,3.5311784511784516,91.60484848484847,77.2962962962963,6.53872053872054,21.531986531986533,7.1686216300943375,0.4291481481481481,976,25,226,11,22,328,133,270,0.104,0.6729999999999999,0.223,0.9905,0,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,1,5,14,21,2,1,10,0,20,7,0,1,3,47,51,24,2,8,8,0,4,2,1,2,1,2,0,5,16,17,0,0,12,1,0,3,6,7,0,6,11,7,35,14,28,35,3,29,0,3,0,6,33,9,1,2,17,151,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0962028943246024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028604605193127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345689158071893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908033584989146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651132142257863,0.0,0.08306052181311865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969316475413983,0.0,0.18931049049865464,0.0,0.0,0.16770948557234625,0.0,0.0,0.0761650660414486,0.09113849641031738,0.10301121194580624,0.0,0.11205410623118124,0.0,0.07884591859992429,0.0,0.0,0.19522555571996825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607818041795173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906760462773687,0.10265913841966157,0.21671479577476535,0.08035839215291045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963216586038691,0.09632545559040688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22057856643904256,0.0,0.0,0.4448755274230923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737619531823474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603337168972338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049877944716282,0.2004073995383285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215793779952845,0.10299836733608583,0.10821465054554698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946459339844424,0.0,0.0,0.2116827323301184,0.0,0.08418943707154393,0.09377511267054946,0.07839724570391025,0.09869889081526644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284368363926737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352914897094331,0.07589409421512007,0.0,0.0,0.13955526496112372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783392137264056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549423761973883,0.1263361522235926,0.0968574047886897,0.0782639772957091,0.11496920815099827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630137353278877,0.0,0.0,0.08514415444512739,0.0,0.0,0.17444061698012656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895592292121159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400612253476286,0.0,0.0,0.06348429050026358 bpd,clothmom1211,2018/01/12,Feeling overwhelmed over therapy I just started seeing a new therapist at the start of the month and have only seen her twice. I start school again on Tuesday and all of my classes overlap with her available times until the start of Feb. I really need the help and support especially with school starting and immediately after hanging up with the receptionist I started bawling. I feel really frantic and stressed about this ahhh!! I emailed her already to see if there were alternatives but I'm not very hopeful... I also feel like I haven't been conveying how much I'm actually struggling in our therapy sessions and if they're only once a month or so idk how I can get comfortable enough to share that stuff with her and get better!!! My past therapists haven't helped me much and this one seems like she really could help me grow and learn. What have been your experiences with therapy/contacting your therapist over concerns like this?,7.358692185007975,8.531747070175443,7.034130781499204,72.31952153110048,63.678362573099406,10.428708133971293,36.013290802764494,10.436869588844218,3.9871239766081854,763,35,127,18,11,240,107,171,0.055,0.768,0.17800000000000002,0.9691,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,2,0,1,8,12,0,4,7,0,9,0,0,2,1,31,29,18,0,5,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,14,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,4,6,21,8,19,24,4,24,0,1,3,0,13,7,0,5,18,89,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.1084759270691805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266760036857635,0.08889444965622552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831180731422064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875205290549917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485778538964965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873561154984873,0.0,0.0,0.16861720032055638,0.07941258132716494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615281216631265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22352420673632906,0.0,0.0,0.11040676031048724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292118603429154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745337919007032,0.0,0.1634304822976106,0.08242358111970642,0.0,0.10735882481184812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838155614977147,0.0753247554177599,0.16908406963879485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061146044162292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363543747795147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249992986001498,0.17715993291453505,0.10119570449667424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720768595474037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733317211756925,0.11620835540815785,0.1272513730402507,0.0,0.12614282055413534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542418315306318,0.3871952765534074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481817166804175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171847428192807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hysteria_voucher,2018/01/12,"Fuck DBT So I spent about 8 months in DBT because I wanted to give it a chance, but after going through the full treatment plan and also reading Marsha Linehan’s work firsthand, I can confidently say that it is not for me. Most of all, I hate group therapy. I don’t sympathize with or respect the other group members, and I feel perpetually unsatisfied with the answers the group leaders give me. It feels dismissive that I’m unable to talk about triggering behaviors like self-harm, eating disorders, and substance abuse, because these are important aspects of my life I need specific coaching on. I feel like the dialectical model is not only not useful for working through schemas formed as a result of trauma, but can be actively harmful. Should you radically accept that you can’t completely trust anyone after being assaulted by someone you love? Or try and search for the validity in the perspective of a stranger who raped you? The interpersonal effectiveness models don’t function well for abusive relationships where the BPD sufferer is not the aggressor, and in my experience destabilize the confidence pwBPD have in their perception of reality and reduce their ability to trust their emotions. DBT also acts at a surface level to manage symptoms without addressing deeper foundations for patterns of behavior, and does not adequately justify its own axioms on a theoretical level. I wouldn’t dissuade people from trying it because it does help some people, but I’m tired of it being referred to as some cure-all for BPD. There are problems with it, and I think it’s important to have a space to discuss it critically.",11.402468507102654,10.066121045296171,10.905017421602787,56.20044224068616,56.3170731707317,13.987563655856338,46.118734923612976,12.766815935922706,6.230094291074778,1328,69,193,37,13,435,173,287,0.14400000000000002,0.677,0.179,0.7959,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,4,3,4,8,16,4,0,17,0,17,7,0,4,1,43,33,18,0,5,11,0,3,2,0,2,3,1,1,0,16,11,1,0,9,2,1,2,10,8,1,0,1,4,21,8,41,27,7,18,0,1,0,3,19,13,1,5,5,143,37,4,0.0,0.3079432152545247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784478060106434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086530504288017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376521939786491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273394316369229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625196730070255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893599663269425,0.0,0.2274433541556481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297311188256464,0.0,0.14617825975930987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711777514513314,0.0,0.0,0.19712257144131706,0.09283757651202723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013832519011608,0.0,0.2493231745056164,0.07385459045035052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283004772496477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710393784952065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178878427140963,0.1269757496953431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728655373478253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372626977081084,0.0,0.0,0.09635759713024816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988341833857937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018440148697126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434630163475638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998694527727284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951957699254466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033428701301196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556804638489753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010772019702547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506965548848435,0.0,0.10445031705670624,0.0,0.0,0.14861118410219046,0.0,0.0,0.083267852427439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936045268440204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645745465890605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223661260235797,0.0,0.0,0.07664892588225203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684225543511904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252688771151253,0.0,0.18921288490396015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,starg1rls,2018/01/12,"Feeling crushed and worthless after session w/ psychiatrist My diagnoses of bpd was fairly recent but being diagnosed has made a world of difference in my treatment. I finally understand where certain behaviors of mine come from and I'm currently in dbt to specifically treat my bpd and am prescribed a mood stabilizer. However yesterday, things took a weird turn with my psych. I has just been discharged from the ward after three days following my suicide attempt. As we were discussing what had happened, she interrupted me to tell me that what I did was very attention seeking and I need to control my impulses. She then preceded to tell me that having bpd isn't something I should publicize and it's not something I should be proud of. I just nodded my head and said I understood. When the session ended I sobbed all night and just felt empty. I've heard the horror stories of psychiatrists refusing to treat patients with bpd and the stigma around bpd in the mental health world but I never thought my psychiatrist who I trust and can easily talk to about heavy problems would ever make ME feel ashamed for having an illness. Because I cannot stress how ashamed , embarrassed, and horrible I feel now. My suicide attempt was invalidated which hurt deeply because it definitely had nothing to do with my bad impulse control and I wholeheartedly wanted to die. Also, I have never ""publicized"" to anyone that I have bpd but I definelty never will now... my heart hurts for everyone who suffers from bpd. We are not monsters and the stigma needs to end NOW",7.1502424812030085,8.671816682142858,7.098796992481206,70.41567669172936,64.32142857142857,10.323308270676687,37.23684210526316,10.426177893888326,4.3255357142857145,1261,63,199,31,19,402,166,280,0.244,0.6679999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9955,2,0,2,0,0,2,23.0,2,0,0,5,13,18,0,4,10,0,26,6,2,5,6,54,46,20,3,7,8,0,4,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,11,19,0,3,8,0,0,3,7,12,0,1,15,6,37,5,31,25,1,30,0,5,0,0,15,7,1,0,20,149,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633410714481372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799971366160666,0.0,0.0,0.07384199785502707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692587641752098,0.10112960933629232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7312975677182059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145302675662163,0.0,0.0,0.18606821377722485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349509910202221,0.0,0.0,0.16838252556575092,0.08608773479313718,0.08666381740914589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693599216567185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503191786929359,0.0,0.0792611112902724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582418222709574,0.0,0.07964383420116225,0.09086633089996624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335132972053424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512937611272971,0.08817067128601927,0.0,0.0982947003448478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759676312399944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784881385882427,0.055368952877577184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359285764002952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301093448236335,0.1919256317807081,0.0,0.0,0.07784180828213684,0.0,0.07959158884814405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937077728724085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819019104533388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890328218003985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277160423723981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501754400865807,0.0,0.0,0.18146499821413295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667108505599717,0.14500177474688206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510748177111793,0.0,0.0,0.06585206361511466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215914353182944,0.0,0.09022445023430707,0.0,0.0863526023934258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844142827482115,0.04892533791134476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892443139424136,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bentaylor24,2018/01/12,"Kind Words: mental health peer support server Hey guys, we run a mental health chat room on discord. We are a small friendly server and welcome any diagnoses. We provide 24/7 support! To join the server click this link https://discord.gg/GDywwjR. We believe we can all help each other together that’s why we are a peer support server. When you ask for care you will receive it; care for others when you can.",4.295239726027397,7.375810904109592,3.809845890410962,84.00052226027398,76.94520547945207,5.293835616438357,25.56335616438357,6.6274283507984215,1.2038506849315072,328,12,53,3,8,98,51,73,0.03,0.645,0.325,0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,6,3,0,0,2,8,0,0,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,11,11,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,5,8,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,8,4,10,2,7,0,0,1,0,17,3,0,0,2,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041989850006755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655451070919906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950756983825307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610880028492203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973161602777732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681091679476332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753362049557019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764537248326792,0.0,0.0,0.11869242571377958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440069147857446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569082799190033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6028419838236446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978639554454446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jdlgr,2018/01/12,"I'm really struggling with idealization Over someone who has absolutely no idea and to the point where it's spiralling me into a depressive episode and I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to think about them all the time and I don't want to think about things that are never going to happen. I just want it all to go away. ",3.688208955223878,4.984040208955225,4.782268656716422,84.64295522388062,72.28358208955223,7.748059701492537,25.34029850746269,8.238735603445708,1.4338382089552248,262,8,54,4,5,86,46,67,0.183,0.77,0.047,-0.6992,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,1,3,0,5,0,0,0,3,16,14,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,11,14,2,9,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25419970764498234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408202655351298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207672960223799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913441434325542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266621652255001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28935310497491723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976891190540529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423044329380722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420460177985755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717837192313272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26796041352350203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028704436519101,0.3284779049346879,0.0,0.0,0.14946174931227474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535510017729183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AndheraFarishta,2018/01/12,"Overcoming fear/discomfort? Hi I hope everyone is having a good day! So quick backstory: I’m pretty good friends with my boss but we definitely keep the professional line so like besides joking together at work and occasionally venting, she’s good at making sure there’s no enmeshment. The other day, I come into work to get a drink and she’s ringing me up. In front of two of my co-workers and my sister, she snaps at me over something. Basically, I didn’t bring my cup in for a refill but I had worked earlier that day so she knew I was here. I know it’s technically not allowed, but I’ve done it and no one seems to care that much. Anyways, I play it off and I manage to leave the store without any big scene. But inside I’m freaking out and I feel like crying and what not. She later texts me to apologize and I accept it, cause she was having a bad day. Today at work, she apologized again and mentioned that she shouldn’t have said that in front of my coworkers but I can’t help but feel constantly afraid or on edge. Growing up, I was yelled at a lot and berated by my parents. Work was my safe place. But now I don’t feel comfortable. I feel bad because she did apologize and I know I’m overreacting. How do you guys restore safe places for yourself after something like this?",1.8409173126614995,4.189244461240314,3.5498449612403107,86.63145994832044,81.13178294573643,6.922997416020673,23.896640826873387,8.045849151850463,1.4717974160206715,1013,37,206,20,27,337,146,258,0.083,0.662,0.255,0.9932,2,0,3,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,5,10,20,0,1,8,0,16,1,0,5,1,48,35,23,0,2,11,2,4,3,1,1,0,3,0,1,11,16,1,3,9,3,1,5,9,4,0,2,10,7,36,16,28,24,2,34,0,0,0,0,22,18,0,4,14,136,47,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861925975060177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930602582467803,0.07047522695275357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178728426216576,0.11876406447407288,0.0,0.09958840561499008,0.0,0.12493412590141158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699295644995645,0.2982374222400635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183099143073532,0.0,0.1132545003360372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047100534392716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009421110899574,0.2338250319049913,0.08259232744575312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932056195180592,0.0,0.060401833915097326,0.0,0.0,0.290906381522042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447279737650125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749143425507378,0.0,0.0,0.11482753925629235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276012736500173,0.0,0.0,0.1270732656578994,0.0,0.0,0.12241506846964932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694446864705015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828810697915384,0.0,0.0,0.07717105891722678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498718769090226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834082157088589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837203224466667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415772093093493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761767355669756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997227726775943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524766507034504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780055738526843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896174328946052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958545248460133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293488271904695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144461656766612,0.0,0.5049959230113761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bluepuddings,2018/01/12,"Got dumped I got dumped and accused of being manipulative when i wasn’t even being manipulative and then they blocked me on all social media, I think i kinda split on them but I still feel really upset over this break up and i don’t know how to cope",2.1405882352941177,4.3567214901960805,4.121333333333337,83.68200000000002,79.19607843137254,6.432941176470589,18.04313725490196,7.554174236665415,0.3571066666666667,200,4,41,3,5,68,38,51,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.8266,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,13,9,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,9,0,6,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685172309316432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555990716238107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6502977309428852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234249128816289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604412871941668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144184863533501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246650559711217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26049577005985985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Graaahma,2018/01/12,"Things have gotten worse In November I lost my job as I fell into a deep depression from having an abortion. I feel like I’m going crazy :( I realised I’m using weed to cope through the day and I haven’t had any this week and now i can’t just dumb myself down and not think about things. I’ve been staying up all night cleaning and watching tv. I feel like my boyfriend hates me and I can’t control the way I’m acting towards him and the insecurities I have. I stopped talking to my friends, I feel like they don’t care and that I’ve fucked up too much for them to even like being around me anymore. I don’t talk to or see my family at all. Bc I haven’t found a job yet I stay home all day in my room. I’m crying everyday. I want to see my gp but I honestly think what’s the point, I have suicidal thoughts daily and idek why I’m writing this here, my hearts thumping so quick just doing this :( ",0.8190378289473657,2.7388690781250062,2.4864692982456127,95.23440789473685,82.17708333333334,5.500438596491228,21.563596491228076,6.5966054737557815,0.2301208333333337,701,22,163,7,19,230,114,192,0.17,0.743,0.087,-0.9403,2,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,2,11,13,3,1,7,0,14,2,1,2,3,30,36,12,1,1,5,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,7,10,0,2,7,1,0,3,7,6,0,0,6,6,30,7,19,29,4,27,0,2,3,1,7,12,2,1,13,101,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926995673274211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518886154177795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135015749523125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898326625489785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289000638263076,0.0,0.0,0.14973674585445185,0.17582511009516127,0.0,0.11740878733269206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003544485641178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850661080385434,0.0,0.20677642498167134,0.29215257341801915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149463478732486,0.10531741805558202,0.1260219629059223,0.0,0.0,0.07747153494471952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458384707112134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153513873246042,0.0,0.0,0.13673608148544514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705452297028164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663884849857168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488050374359262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020795861361012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279233494372176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886269909158432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217252436337566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905894774477672,0.0,0.11396629562761637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910759969137094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191313048654851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112461163956667,0.17469160142295456,0.0,0.10821969235947644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773327293915355,0.0,0.0,0.08040271977344535,0.1082013108143636,0.10934448790601917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300400445678113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891766906233194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OfficialMisfitMedia,2018/01/12,"i can never be normal i can never keep friends. i can never keep an so. i can never stay the same mood for a long period. i can never know what's real and what's fake. i can never know what it's like to be normal. ",-1.6787074829931967,0.13576810204081724,2.0439795918367345,94.95399659863949,92.46938775510205,4.082993197278912,10.207482993197278,5.46131890053228,-1.4525945578231294,163,1,39,1,6,60,26,49,0.128,0.815,0.057,-0.486,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,6,15,12,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,2,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314113275102935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063482687535814,0.0,0.0,0.18941527194145846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419135528016558,0.0,0.0,0.15250594238272835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7974655384509884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33769210561125185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614838718774047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368002609267733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PinkManMadeOfSlime,2018/01/12,"DAE have an irrational fear that something terrible has happened to your SO/they were in some sort of accident? I'm not sure if this could be attributed to BPD under fear of abandonment, or if it is something completely unrelated. It's not the sort of fear where you think they don't like you anymore or that they're going to like someone else more/leave you. It's different. It usually happens when I get deeper into a relationship and become more emotionally attached to someone. But basically, here's an example. This is how I was in my last serious relationship. So, say I haven't spoken to them for like 12 hours and I can't see any evidence of them having been on social media. I'll become overwhelmed with extreme panic that they were in some sort of terrible accident or that something awful has happened to them and I'll never see them again. To the point where I would get sick to my stomach and not eat and not be able to sleep. I wouldn't be able to concentrate and overall was just a complete mess. I would be beside myself and the only thing that calmed me down was hearing from them or seeing them active online. I try to keep it to myself cos I don't want to come across as really annoying but sometimes I would send a few random texts just trying to get a response so I knew they were okay. I would literally convince myself with every passing minute that they had died and were never coming back and that I would never see them again or hear their voice. And I'd think about how wonderful they are and how much they had to offer the world and all that cheesy shit. I'd get myself so worked up and so upset sometimes that I would be hysterically crying and hyperventilating. Just having a total panic attack y'know. Heart racing, shaking, the works. And then when they got back in contact it was like everything was right again in the world and I calmed down completely and was usually so relieved that I cried with happiness. I know that it's completely irrational and unhealthy. I hate it, it's like torture. And I try so hard to distract myself and stay busy and switch off my phone so I can't check it a lot and worry. I was lucky in that my last SO was super understanding and he knew I worried a lot so he always made an effort to check in and tell me how he was going so I wouldn't worry. But I know that it's unrealistic to expect everyone to be like that and I don't. I also know that I can't be carrying on like this every time I don't speak to the person for a while, it's just ridiculous. So I guess I'm wondering, can anyone else relate to this? Is it a BPD thing? And if so, how do you handle it? ",3.5050618957260298,5.1374562049335895,4.820459474112226,82.85096932321319,73.28842504743834,7.751495436884433,24.69183157133821,8.418075326091056,1.5696601969820183,2088,64,411,36,42,693,221,527,0.211,0.723,0.067,-0.9971,1,0,3,0,0,0,39.0,0,5,15,4,33,36,6,9,19,2,51,6,4,8,6,98,86,60,1,14,19,0,1,7,0,8,1,5,0,1,35,32,1,2,10,0,2,7,17,20,0,0,20,10,60,16,50,50,9,48,0,2,4,0,36,22,1,20,25,302,95,2,0.135184319911431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405342589621091,0.05624209177819475,0.0,0.0,0.04596498660381434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703326012088742,0.04726200983703481,0.06925615554654495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689583987066166,0.0,0.10394839758181247,0.0,0.0,0.14930046044956544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702599185769845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644932156597188,0.2834763748756369,0.0,0.0,0.05396683970052588,0.0,0.14849362765607435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014999060822236,0.07061942089581999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916365403592882,0.11292915281294533,0.0760320822941701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389861997728967,0.06458720543606551,0.06074747500056338,0.0,0.0,0.22817991506768215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125645525335875,0.0,0.07682836432954113,0.0,0.05405962497790805,0.0,0.07446038459871479,0.0,0.17931457146690888,0.07195311114396641,0.060549298867081484,0.06673326430817106,0.0,0.0,0.15236255343729027,0.08009703499108442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665646621525984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060079017440791985,0.0,0.0,0.1485875336958659,0.11019326353864507,0.0,0.0715703378556598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311548059974009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492887455167107,0.0,0.06395733606015393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968801482105377,0.0,0.1563937220470008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140688346570068,0.0,0.15860967232719475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059018866922183735,0.0,0.0,0.06389643887500564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330126846380422,0.0,0.0,0.14513736826545234,0.0,0.05772333528489354,0.0,0.053751998547434905,0.0,0.0,0.21544880119301976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938238086910355,0.0,0.0,0.0676409742052724,0.06890169499343389,0.1145412355712562,0.15610724096420198,0.1337007490465149,0.0,0.0,0.07204424908974179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370481083790634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907852704634204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981045529832861,0.08662065369564834,0.0,0.0,0.03941353203192932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767191923207234,0.0,0.0,0.07036582227945075,0.0,0.0,0.14888642968558044,0.0,0.03986760719435893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466016283669392,0.0984157949330013,0.2059293583096552,0.0,0.2880931867123814,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aweirdinfj,2018/01/12,"Do you fall for nice guys or the Alpha dominant guys ? Just wondering? My BPD ex was attracted only to say nice guys so she could have total control over them and do whatever she wanted with them. She always told me she hates dominant guys. She is dating another nice guy now and abusing him unfortunately. Also another question do you have a lot of tattoos that you got impulsivly? What do you think of them now ? Do they mean anything ?",2.543902439024393,5.401094121951221,4.156780487804877,79.86565853658539,83.39024390243901,7.670243902439027,25.27317073170732,8.548686976883017,2.4016497560975614,346,14,61,9,10,115,58,82,0.08800000000000001,0.7829999999999999,0.129,0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,4,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,10,0,0,1,1,14,17,5,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,16,4,6,13,2,5,0,0,0,0,23,1,0,4,3,46,18,0,0.0,0.17733559851082747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119691802707122,0.12453821827828718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31388607718120426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316643706919946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850531900028566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786869449279548,0.11950007280879894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970552948301375,0.0,0.0,0.7409888466977937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776907426575805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724488735092807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303553945917615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383150006771313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766571509793407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190243448695836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959030997628982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301700442265244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827980272471032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231175811807827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shmaco,2018/01/12,"I'm so terrible to my boyfriend. I need to change. So I'm sitting on my bed in the dark after having the worst fight with my boyfriend. We have been fighting for weeks. Months really. Ever since our daughter was born 5 months ago. They're getting so bad. I'm so ashamed at how bad they are. Why do I do these awful things? Why do I constantly try to make him hate me? He's an amazing man. I'm so lucky. I know it. But I still do everything I can to always push him away. He's so patient and understanding. Or at least he was when we started dating several years ago. Now he's mean and angry all the time. And this is completely my fault. I've turned him into a monster because my BDP was made much worse by my rough pregnancy and the insane hormonal fluctuations of postpartum life. I feel like I'm at the lowest of the low right now. Like a dog with its tail between its legs. And I'm just so ashamed of myself. ",0.5382870813397105,2.80726837894737,2.3729186602870804,93.43224880382776,86.26315789473685,5.770334928229666,21.26794258373205,7.1686216300943375,0.6083157894736839,712,24,158,11,22,235,120,190,0.244,0.698,0.058,-0.9904,1,0,0,0,3,0,22.0,3,0,1,0,15,15,3,2,9,1,13,2,1,3,2,24,30,16,0,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,5,2,22,4,20,25,4,28,0,1,0,0,15,9,0,2,19,95,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29577666200010605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881930553506927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674609439240242,0.0,0.2785989485271541,0.10170049654213152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764883176547059,0.0,0.1749223413090219,0.18028835363309595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509109617627512,0.0,0.0,0.14993969864856024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435631525053297,0.11918628821776675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871639122969968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471409783055335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168763814909303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783983283873588,0.16301339251241195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578624246544443,0.11136303279768868,0.0,0.0,0.1817312041086436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663307154093165,0.0,0.12264223276185394,0.12370534405375586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687817303522487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247537856555315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884750041976929,0.0,0.13800686124829276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808600875461076,0.0,0.13323389852816586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083713852136652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728228400420022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326937776335234,0.1814675533563428,0.0,0.1736801437037695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382422237243702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30108358565403964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001816362281172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743566695076287 bpd,Angie_Stoned,2018/01/12,"DAE have issues staying at a job long term So, a little background....I have been diagnosed back in 2012 but haven't seen a therapist since 2013 (used online self therapy due to lack of time and cash). I feel like I'm aware of my triggers and able to see when things are going south and I need to regroup. The only thing I have issues with currently is employment. I'm a server with a hospitality degree with great experience. Everyone enjoys working with me. I work hard and take pride in what I do. I always keep bad attitudes to myself But for some reason, between the 6th and 8th month into a job....I just can't stand it. I don't know if it's bc I'm passive aggressive and start to implode from keeping everything in. I don't know why suddenly everything and person annoys me. One thing will happen and everything becomes black and white to me: I need to quit. I know the grass is never greener on the other side. And even though I leave on good terms, usually, can't understand why I can't keep a job longer than 8 months before giving up on it. There have been 3 companies that I have stayed long term with (one for 1 year, another for 2 years, and the last one for 5 years) so I know I can deal with bs. But.... just need help with controlling the impulse to leave a good job just bc of one bad situation. I just put on a month notice for a place and I'm already kicking myself over how much of an emotional idiot I am. Obviously, this is something that I need to reconnect with my therapist about. But was wondering how others deal with job jumping. And if anyone has any coping skills that have helped them stay consistently at a job longer.",3.4735764540337684,5.068518454268297,4.727560975609759,83.63770168855537,73.29878048780488,8.21688555347092,25.4202626641651,8.841846274778883,1.836853283302064,1295,42,260,26,26,428,180,328,0.083,0.81,0.108,0.8807,8,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,6,14,11,3,0,18,0,24,1,0,6,2,57,50,25,0,7,10,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,23,0,4,8,0,1,3,7,5,0,4,4,6,26,6,43,45,6,44,0,0,4,0,8,16,0,4,22,164,39,8,0.07688597799240729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484558860557939,0.0,0.0639752928969624,0.0,0.0,0.052285101567364975,0.08062165173695575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053760463500322375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912057118797125,0.12839316018842772,0.0,0.08491452206810937,0.06542430435167901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623416206589234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853213451641493,0.0,0.07803764922517112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648637667173928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050782463335056656,0.0,0.0,0.07346784684794669,0.20730047814928654,0.07520923973905258,0.0,0.0,0.038875860638115614,0.054927358040320576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375603601654315,0.04369607313114321,0.12897662101902602,0.0,0.08476706216797557,0.0,0.0,0.0679900164188441,0.0,0.06887473433605616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307010072290347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604979708397428,0.4577848167386276,0.20501936981084398,0.0,0.0,0.16901809105037185,0.06267233389859582,0.0,0.16282229847025648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037562605186331484,0.0770599486195527,0.0,0.1360833421253027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841089622955669,0.0,0.05652004043843116,0.22803991385072125,0.05929920609793834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753519554118666,0.0,0.0,0.2083997140496217,0.0584752508780849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713387035255011,0.08032948265582744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729164393198579,0.0,0.08177770167702432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905159071774663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126816999882075,0.0,0.08020884325481466,0.0,0.0,0.06360087551309312,0.08642306065966299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919058216758043,0.0,0.0,0.054420290952982835,0.245850667605053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780868687226795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792581651374226,0.17854109287084186,0.15323888215910195,0.0,0.0755400830061078,0.0,0.04483283206802915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800410146197439,0.0,0.06640479897537832,0.08467904238948401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875527257855938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337956339652708,0.11194781537210173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853614706390836 bpd,cooljames01,2018/01/12,"What I am inside I feel the urge to walk. Sometimes I go out and head towards any direction, out of this need. I cried in the shower, I screamed in the shower, I danced in the shower, I punched my wall in the shower and I laughed in the shower. I also wear masks, thick ones, and I never know what mask I'm currently wearing. I have thoughts of homicide and violence. I find myself staring into the dark and the skies often, thinking of nothing. I feel empathy and lack there of. I am capable of hugging someone and imagining what their blood would look like on the floor next. I don't feel fear as much and I don't feel shame or guilt of things that don't affect me. I don't like getting into conversations because they bore me quickly. I think highly of me, as some kind of protagonist. Someone special, more special than anybody else. I think of walking out of this everyday, but curiously, I like it. ",3.3366101694915287,5.244422887005651,4.412000000000003,84.4478305084746,74.36723163841808,6.97988700564972,29.31412429378531,7.793537801064563,1.9502198870056495,709,31,136,10,15,231,101,177,0.064,0.8170000000000001,0.119,0.7929999999999999,6,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,0,4,13,0,3,9,0,8,5,4,1,1,33,22,13,0,3,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,1,5,0,8,13,0,0,11,1,0,4,5,5,0,1,1,8,27,8,26,20,4,26,0,0,2,1,3,17,0,3,8,98,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626637668767833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437938823612807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149514307298827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090886487165044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279085211060162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581519645604066,0.3699222622407524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716878685772393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555855873652527,0.0,0.10394721787754976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877098513817124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932456263218509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904639140383532,0.10051795891893736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680695100655942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535913139681983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445375149086808,0.13561924969022054,0.14106502151185082,0.0,0.1945179707898188,0.0,0.0,0.1754990579765969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393888586349695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099439347379435,0.0,0.1808944003013984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151172351573432,0.3515879600316536,0.0,0.14520347309962067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992807847103446,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,klwdubs,2018/01/12,"BPD & BIPOLAR: HARMFUL TO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP I am going to begin therapy in the near future, However, I feel I am negatively effecting my reltionship. I'll be all lovey and in awe w my signifigant other then before I know it I'm in a blind rage texting him yelling at him for being disgusting and belittling him for something he did over a year ago that hurt me. Anyone else have anything similar? ",2.8097222222222205,5.684805907894738,5.092807017543863,73.59020467836258,82.02631578947368,9.167251461988306,30.812865497076025,9.444778638647367,3.958358479532164,323,17,53,11,9,112,61,76,0.16699999999999998,0.789,0.044,-0.8647,1,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,3,0,6,2,0,1,1,6,11,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,10,0,10,8,1,12,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,0,5,37,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489528820251782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042963382439891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963739335363494,0.2877597405014115,0.2311121875441693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389791150952682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537154899868588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23461065267084824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200408954941246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961115664122064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006512683964255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434552279375038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015233165884843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620883994953968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211716812689931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085550589978608 bpd,Twentyoneloves,2018/01/12,"Do you think if someone is young enough they can change their brain back to normal? Or is there no going back once you're diagnosed? I'm 16 and recently diagnosed and I just want to be normal. I know I'll probably never be completely normal but do you think I still have time to change to ""change my brain back"" as much as possible until it's fully developed? Maybe with a lot of help and therapy? I just feel hopeless I guess, I'm looking for anything to give me hope.",2.2415672514619907,4.358556010526321,3.680350877192982,87.47690058479536,78.36842105263158,7.590643274853799,23.18713450292397,8.515128840125781,1.5416783625730992,371,12,76,8,9,122,65,95,0.06,0.8390000000000001,0.101,0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,2,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,8,4,2,0,1,21,20,9,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,11,1,11,18,3,10,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,5,9,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246299676258577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152590152621501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30512490230001205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43371782587434,0.0,0.14328981955211645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277422584093776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412106571537326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910152871196956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110075910399868,0.07766941753854313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055103025938976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160313633630908,0.0,0.0,0.13573839269813648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510707338597508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476351304507527,0.0,0.0,0.11618702054491464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729756356349948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046391598926273,0.0,0.1054038605323159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017057151418218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554291885465126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540683577750832,0.0,0.0,0.14734712838138292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349394158558924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579513801446124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914021122435792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628742964447034,0.0,0.0,0.17513780953324226,0.0,0.0,0.0796899973797723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060808938114182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Soundofwalkingaway,2018/01/12,"Dealing with being abusive I realized recently that I was being very abusive to my partner. Manipulation, making them feel bad, making them feel responsible for my needs/wants. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do from here. I'm already in therapy. I know why I was being abusive but that doesn't matter, it only matters that I was. What do I do next? I've admitted it and am working on making sure I don't slip into those thoughts/behaviors again. Has anyone else come back from it? How can I help my partner heal from this?",2.2278496503496505,4.702250211538465,4.208811188811191,81.72709790209792,80.53846153846153,6.4741258741258765,25.8006993006993,7.686295010490155,1.7386846153846165,418,17,76,7,11,142,67,104,0.13,0.763,0.107,-0.3402,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,5,1,20,24,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,10,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,13,1,12,18,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,56,23,1,0.0,0.6217767357497678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303538269928988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231244801799285,0.1792325369661906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450743017086186,0.14605604852456974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068340978177575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034120429508732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612837224630335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176895858921519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724932707103447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613485045369363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502937381809353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860359704231136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303923771643006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271849346265905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486584872236454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004332480712686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876338961372325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433241320780266,0.10317598953950284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784366390726615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273483379504898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tatiharris9386,2018/01/12,Thoughts? Ive been looking into ect therapy... Does anyone have any thoughts or stories of their own to share? I want to build as much information as I can before making a decision. ,2.6297058823529404,5.448301088235297,4.036764705882355,81.26044117647061,82.23529411764707,6.929411764705884,29.088235294117645,8.07648339933343,2.519435294117647,143,7,25,3,4,47,29,34,0.0,0.879,0.121,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,1,6,6,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23591397719335366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425709117879094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951989645621507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035875011457904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29132108024041464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23156833950279254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502231288161314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967273362757928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5508232405225734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461935201832707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chunkopunk,2018/01/12,"I hate mean people on Reddit I want to zap them with a laser. They ruin my day and fuck with my head. update: [lol i want to die](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/7pk49e/my_ecigarette_matches_my_sock/dsjirny/)",8.290588235294116,12.706116294117649,5.803176470588237,65.5682941176471,77.23529411764707,7.425882352941178,21.50588235294117,8.238735603445708,1.9451952941176471,190,5,26,4,5,54,28,34,0.327,0.595,0.077,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,5,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,14,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365257844479789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38063241951311055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390578696963679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620933322355968,0.3763950867018636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995022777866923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542608248617142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326416484169412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xXHelloKinkyXx,2018/01/12,"Where do I start? I've always believed I didn't need help. That I could deal with it by myself. I'm 99.9% certain I have BPD. Or I could just be even more crazy than im sure i already am , I dunno. I've never received help throughout my many years of needing it. Upon the latest episode of me freaking the fuck out on my fiance I realized that I really don't wanna fuck my own life up anymore because I apparently don't have the set of lady balls I like to think I have. And yep I sure am self diagnosising, but I do in the deepest bits of me feel this is the thing that consumes my life. I have an appointment with a therapist, what should I expect, I'm terrified, should I tell them my suspicions? ",1.3983953033268115,3.351091383561645,3.510019569471627,88.47191780821919,80.36986301369862,6.36320939334638,23.442270058708417,7.447530270364453,0.9963283757338552,546,19,117,8,14,186,92,146,0.152,0.7879999999999999,0.06,-0.9248,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,2,0,7,1,17,4,0,0,4,23,26,3,0,8,3,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,1,26,4,15,20,3,12,0,0,0,2,7,6,2,2,5,82,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213477221606268,0.0,0.14487351116573494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17267038709901114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613587184122006,0.0,0.0,0.19616240649923733,0.0,0.0,0.19008308298589308,0.0,0.219285515840318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780254185696832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949981875801724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149980474625412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803527385649552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321923875529023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334045959270939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880687339016489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459581579482569,0.08506137690749782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652026536263596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25820079525618184,0.13428440586563992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153935783579036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163475652362054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323599114610458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281933275395929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217985990737504,0.0,0.0,0.2021551902327794,0.11567098224026777,0.11156269124777714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212116524857216 bpd,DanaVancey_,2018/01/13,"Help With Grieving The Death of a Loved One New here! My fiancé was diagnosed with BPD when she very young, about 10 years ago. Last year her best friend passed away at 25 years old. The two had a falling out a few months before he passed and never got a chance to resolve thing before he passed, so on top of the grief she’s feeling guilt as well. The anniversary of his death is approaching in a few weeks and she is having a very hard time with it. An anyone suggest the best ways for someone with BPD to deal with this type of loss? (She doesn’t currently have insurance so she isn’t able to see a therapist) ",4.62822580645161,5.145889080645162,4.5388709677419365,90.12830645161293,69.48387096774194,8.135483870967743,25.177419354838708,8.07648339933343,1.112729032258064,482,12,106,6,8,148,86,124,0.162,0.655,0.183,0.6171,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,6,10,0,1,13,0,8,2,0,0,1,11,12,6,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,4,1,2,3,3,8,6,20,9,4,26,0,3,1,1,14,6,0,0,14,66,11,1,0.15847278453824806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047656179248355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108078556249134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889039767875184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269697335139894,0.0,0.3326148207580919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991818490462161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337848234231575,0.0,0.16084654048041352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012860143694142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243568022551166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674516255961285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196048771916212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062209670130568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291764704794692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302787523636634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649146469987474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222239809731725,0.15305400281346476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629052938118838,0.0,0.10738526011101657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628229173640348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342734760756341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839991171377072,0.10528227638455948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924067550686272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548048834976606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26151328771333,0.0,0.12578832006550947,0.12711730882557576,0.0,0.14248606511620804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30615383252489564 bpd,softplaceformybrain,2018/01/13,"Anyone up for a group challenge? In a few words describe a part of you that is fucking beautiful and makes the world a better place. Wow...this was very tough for me! I backspaced A LOT while trying to come up with mine. I am a person who will stop to help anyone, when many others simply move along. Homeless, Accident victims, stalled cars, old folks with grocery bags...This part of who I am makes me very happy.",2.527749999999997,4.906868275000001,2.765000000000004,93.05,78.75,5.0,22.5,5.985473137389443,0.28600000000000003,322,10,64,2,8,98,60,80,0.131,0.6890000000000001,0.18,0.7339,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,1,6,2,0,7,0,5,1,0,2,0,10,9,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,3,12,7,4,12,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,4,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974173416664479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880954823115471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320236368721488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661641642781968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22639857165257174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255287885545834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081034041790567,0.0,0.0,0.2839270357743978,0.21562104982399966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260419438101039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316868652469266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606168307231631,0.0,0.0,0.1857013124144259,0.2222021503664488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780745612241533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443936909063176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3509615198467222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,trenchantplayer,2018/01/13,"Non-BPD trying to connect the dots My BPD ex got married to her partner. She was cheating on him the entire time while we were in love. However in few months, she decides to get married and over very minor issue she discarded me. It hurt me so much that I went down in deep depression. I tried connecting with her several times but she wouldn't talk and only push me away saying mean things to me. We work in the same office and I used to see her everyday. Slowly I started detaching myself, did some self therapy and went NC with the ex BPD. Once I went NC, I realized she was being playful and trying to get back my attention towards her. She'd make suggestive comments while passing me or sometimes would give me weird long stares just to get my attention. I was so hurt from her abandoned and absolute non-closure that I started to look for a new job. Once I got the job, I let her know. She was silent the entire time, although she came to the office the next day completely changed. She dyed her hair red and dressed up in a fashion that she never does or did. What could be the reason why she was doing push and pull? Why did she dye her hair and trying to change herself after knowing that I was leaving? Do you think I was ever important to her to hurt her at all? PS. She's been already married when she dyed her hair. She invited the entire office to her wedding including the people she knew for less than 6-months. Super odd. ",3.8147919334186935,5.364516503521127,4.610038412291932,85.00339948783612,72.34507042253522,7.558002560819463,28.04993597951344,8.150884317080207,1.872343661971831,1133,43,220,17,22,365,157,284,0.093,0.86,0.046,-0.9133,3,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,1,0,2,8,10,1,0,13,0,21,4,3,3,3,39,43,18,0,3,4,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,7,14,0,1,10,1,0,8,2,7,0,0,19,8,55,3,32,17,6,39,0,5,4,1,44,13,0,3,18,155,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951942601547177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324403012314428,0.07631334909246733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749871543501459,0.0,0.0,0.11350994512923475,0.0,0.0,0.20997629410249735,0.0,0.10405658989752756,0.0,0.0,0.07923912966993228,0.0,0.0,0.06400487347704542,0.0,0.08547965161807787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685004810264624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977286687151234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555439187260964,0.0952049347816898,0.0,0.0,0.15875073127510275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187317682692552,0.0,0.0,0.10358609051985916,0.1969708784777664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908501327109782,0.0,0.0,0.1050862217120012,0.0,0.10148482980407247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878287826436869,0.08334088108602526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957256958749005,0.0,0.06624686902116332,0.0,0.0,0.10810699900311517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843296987148786,0.0,0.07295656131238365,0.0,0.07654393259277008,0.09585152750816507,0.10554828039328994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113855662193677,0.0,0.07548036400630775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880405010990454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204048299157276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892367992185212,0.0,0.0,0.07908548837444151,0.0,0.1035342746629798,0.1121187040544294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815593287891412,0.0,0.1404923727142066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976944496257833,0.0,0.0,0.1134954110730691,0.0,0.06593402867937967,0.06359224709444024,0.0,0.0,0.1736118323451305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26952360920088786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571589387238901,0.0,0.08188759401985317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760035814859337,0.17910651642794834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225160839082413,0.0,0.0,0.07050086530174672,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_sunbear_,2018/01/13,"How do I cope with my boyfriend not wanting to talk to me? I am 21F and my boyfriend is 22. I’m not diagnosed, but I had my first therapy session last week, and will continue going. So, I can’t say for sure what I do or don’t have, but I resonate a lot with many BPD traits. My boyfriend is incredibly sweet and is known as helpful by everyone. He really does help anyone anytime they ask for it. I’ve managed to make him lose feelings for me with my inability to manage any of my emotions and by projecting everything I feel onto him. When I made a therapy appointment, things got better for a while, and I WAS genuinely managing my emotions a lot better, but I guess I just burnt out and now I feel like I’m back to square one. It’s frustrating because when I am happy or managing my emotions well, we have an amazing time and are so close and happy. Understandably, my boyfriend is very frustrated and done with me. He says he isn’t leaving but I can see the toll I’m taking on him, and I feel like he doesn’t really want to be here, and is just staying out of obligation. It all boiled over last night after a night of drinking. He walked me home and dropped me off, but I felt like I wanted him to stay. He still had people in his apartment, and needed to get back. I know this isn’t a rejection of me and I knew it at the time. But I just FELT rejected, the emotion was overwhelming, and it was like I couldn’t manage the disconnect in my head. I started crying, he left, and long story short I called him like 45 times. I sent a bunch of texts begging him to just tell me he loves me and isn’t leaving. Of course he didn’t because I was being insane. I even tried to say I fell down and didn’t feel good because I thought if he was worried he would call. The more calls he rejected, the more panicked I got. I eventually did give up, but I felt horrible and abandoned the whole rest of the night. Logically, he should NOT have to answer those calls. I understand it’s unreasonable. But at the time I was just kind of in a breakdown. He wants to understand, and I’ve recommended some reading on BPD to help him understand, but to be honest he doesn’t seem interested in reading on it. Probably because he’s so done. I also still feel hurt because I’ve told him how hard I panic when I’m ignored, but he does anyway. I can’t seem to connect logic and emotion. Can someone help me out here? I am completely new to this and need some coping mechanisms or something. What can I do or ask my boyfriend to do to help stop this from happening? I love my boyfriend to pieces, and I really really want to make this relationship work. Most importantly, I want to stop taking such a toll on him and start being the partner he deserves. Thank you everyone for reading. ",3.6288441904097013,4.801698567084081,4.8836676992888,84.33301409311053,72.2737030411449,8.459025262882326,28.660979972948212,8.9110942124816,2.163377032156726,2165,84,452,42,41,718,239,559,0.117,0.711,0.172,0.9873,0,2,2,0,0,0,60.0,1,1,1,5,25,31,2,2,20,0,48,6,1,5,2,106,100,50,0,12,23,0,10,5,1,3,1,3,1,1,15,33,2,4,22,4,0,4,14,11,1,2,23,16,75,20,61,69,12,57,0,7,2,2,54,22,0,13,33,301,90,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048373823785829585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113526803204527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042296008027515784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309995169309753,0.0,0.0,0.09302613819699512,0.0,0.184370684709897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699696238574974,0.0,0.0,0.15237005171230206,0.0,0.24706817516010554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634226044802883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644541449922296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061396067354525435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587039716240064,0.12380452452286107,0.0,0.059257162200927374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402154895815493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03995306842664596,0.0,0.0,0.115601556896042,0.054364503311108966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835133412065686,0.08642812302351903,0.1742396317868915,0.0,0.0,0.05145275527049617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031603523559067766,0.058027511080047625,0.03437785576224929,0.050736134352244486,0.09675874301216753,0.0,0.06663654456462159,0.0,0.05349109909041457,0.12878544002016465,0.05418715030895112,0.0,0.06208018192036165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027258287843187,0.0,0.060676392821647565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647557862318024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299101696437147,0.03324371699203753,0.09861483198195507,0.0,0.12810033237744026,0.06572255199212958,0.0,0.0,0.1477617701794884,0.0,0.0,0.05353173834623344,0.0,0.06767282696129351,0.0,0.10285285406592462,0.10918915676219873,0.05723709187879333,0.08075507713878169,0.061327356388553876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970512341998575,0.0,0.05842161004861327,0.0,0.17029727597553804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04098958325722926,0.0,0.0,0.07097197090352908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193614321841328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521844101590035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181519080742378,0.0,0.15500574815686552,0.0,0.0,0.06494361236874167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431220571638484,0.0,0.0,0.048202690999600215,0.11013563155260904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051252972904752996,0.04656815018900093,0.0,0.0,0.08563025365260493,0.12894856348018754,0.0966147695769826,0.10114468173735608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701110045641915,0.0,0.0909618900140223,0.048619563282401385,0.05287091816073864,0.05569105643919373,0.1383511524623973,0.0,0.04018686204153266,0.0,0.0,0.04802229589517967,0.14108880032511306,0.0,0.0,0.05780077844802101,0.0,0.04106873308379929,0.0,0.0,0.2518888548546012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049910577431741966,0.21407138288170335,0.0,0.04852142191725549,0.0,0.0543877662822426,0.0,0.0,0.06753491450260247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403743373243868,0.06143052190825472,0.0,0.04297035391947825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lennyden,2018/01/13,"Does anyone else use sex as a way to keep a guy around/feel loved? (Also my personal situation) So I never used to be like this, but I semi-recently got out of a long-term relationship. And I am using Tinder and just meeting with guys and they're cute and everything, but I am not into casual hook-ups, but I end up ""needing to drink"" and then I end up giving them head. In the moment, I feel ""happy"" and like I matter, but then afterwards, I feel empty and realize that I'm just trying to fill a void. Yesterday was a wake-up call. I am seeing this one guy and he drove over an 1.5 hour to see me for the weekend, so he was being really caring. Well, while he was here, I went down on him and then immediately felt empty because I knew I wasn't ready for that but was trying to be what I thought he wanted. So I made a very stupid decision to start drinking multiple shots of vodka while he was just resting in bed because I felt such an emptiness inside. I got very drunk very quickly due to the rapid consumption (very stupid, I understand. Working on this problem.)... well I totally blacked out. Don't remember what happened, but anyway, the dude later texted/called me when I woke up and the storyline goes something like this: --Started crying/sobbing saying that I was going to kill myself :( (Not suicidal in real-life) --Hitting my head against things --He kept trying to hold me down because I was running around and hurting myself and knocking over stuff --He was going to call someone ? but I begged him not to because ""it would ruin my career"" --He told me to go to bed or he would leave, but I wouldn't stay in bed --Apparently, he went to leave (and this is so shameful and embarrassing)... I blocked the door and apparently told him ""I would do whatever he wanted if he wouldn't leave me"" and then I took off his pants and started blowing him. Apparently this made him stick around...I'm not exactly sure of the timeline, but I did this again later according to him. He said I was going wild (TMI: but I was sucking so much, his legs went numb? so I clearly was very very bent on getting him to stay). --Well somehow he finally did leave (I'm guessing I fell asleep finally? I'll have to get more details) and he drove 3 hours home because there was bad weather :( ..........SO basically I was a complete and utter mess BUT he told me he still likes me and wants to see me again. He said he would come back today after he gets more sleep. Insane honestly... this should have been the biggest red flag. I assumed he would rightfully never want to see me again. So how do I proceed... please, any advice? I really do like the dude, but I start to become a ""different"" person when I want someone to like me and then I feel bad and empty for being someone I'm not so I start becoming a mess. ",3.1142245059288567,4.901927069090913,4.391588932806325,84.8729486166008,74.67272727272727,7.328063241106719,25.59288537549407,8.112205042999317,1.5675849802371542,2168,75,430,35,46,714,257,550,0.172,0.748,0.08,-0.9951,4,0,4,0,0,2,117.0,0,0,1,1,31,30,4,2,20,0,39,11,5,6,6,96,101,57,2,16,22,0,5,6,0,8,1,3,5,5,16,28,3,4,12,6,0,14,11,14,3,1,38,14,65,16,51,50,5,77,0,2,6,2,48,22,1,5,44,277,81,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939675776183016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860839981084353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041334742601299115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042501111297436715,0.06227969536347942,0.0,0.16233012739883854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673862188730811,0.10150306816021523,0.1852647414323886,0.13426080499338405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413313336453635,0.0,0.06197264671411973,0.0,0.0,0.05235944888348911,0.06373015557488204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350563333220446,0.0,0.0,0.05319189378316487,0.0,0.0,0.11908902817653427,0.0,0.0,0.050776665116209464,0.0,0.10767196184912192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546281295471708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229354936461277,0.0,0.11672304043731467,0.1331703140915885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527032938673237,0.05830890010049958,0.1381782482136907,0.0,0.09722794886659053,0.0,0.0669596808090053,0.18055513226981754,0.05375048998441976,0.06470497542256896,0.0,0.0,0.12476244658578373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060970626891364725,0.0,0.11971865455484625,0.0,0.06506980223761086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054027008493635016,0.06724773884337303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574430419093144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817396201984467,0.0,0.0,0.05379132630952825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485932030517487,0.11502929594204946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468273472372465,0.04507006230875067,0.09375968859357033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04118835136681739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614730267957266,0.0,0.06672183352473814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058161429191366784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918472641429592,0.07787870370498794,0.0,0.0,0.06525853918757148,0.06885565364675451,0.05190862398492605,0.11563771494571315,0.04833733649079865,0.0,0.0,0.19374574864627345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832299947970939,0.06082721794688899,0.0,0.15450453179876766,0.04679397007894702,0.0,0.0,0.2151137371255869,0.12957386532910406,0.04854163863521371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958236021641329,0.06648708759741123,0.0,0.0572875606632026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04038173756754489,0.0,0.0,0.04825516727894723,0.0,0.0,0.05761548106236423,0.17424320396617635,0.06753250609434519,0.12380365502841945,0.0,0.0,0.06327758075770859,0.0,0.15749182028087658,0.0,0.3009156332151927,0.17925788771705822,0.048246970946884855,0.0,0.0,0.16395451597773406,0.16904024247426472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04425098158432042,0.0,0.0,0.21589363625450111,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,8765cantseeit,2018/01/13,had a date but feeling overwhelmed laying together in their bed. i've been alone for so long. even though i like them i have all my emotional defenses up. i don't really care about them. i'm thinking about how theyre going to leave me. i feel overwhelmed and better off ending my life. i want to be closer. i'm desperately pressing myself against them. i have to leave in a few hours. are they still going to like me? enjoy me? i feel like its already over no matter what i do. i don't want to continue isolating. nobody knows who i am. i dont want to be alone again. i feel as if i should be dead,-0.2323294117647059,2.048371639999999,2.004047058823531,93.79096470588236,92.6,5.181176470588237,17.75294117647059,6.794906146795322,0.11857176470588238,465,13,102,7,17,156,78,125,0.172,0.593,0.235,0.5488,0,2,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,5,1,8,9,1,2,2,0,14,1,0,1,1,17,28,7,1,5,2,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,6,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,5,24,6,16,22,2,15,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,10,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671827617530958,0.19561452542503008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677503655133634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807318092563573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775133744712496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939742073119585,0.15700272219243147,0.0,0.0,0.11708077730923845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585187234455469,0.1266369796296217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014857047717836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745687023764347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741930668534736,0.0,0.0,0.37539260634909855,0.0,0.0,0.12520635329704408,0.2598057709780147,0.0,0.0,0.15687249523272556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355944734836852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156274808272212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135832033518222,0.17416035094646568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136635669607005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Wymaness,2018/01/13,"Seeking support I'm sitting here after another night of not getting enough sleep hating myself for everything I've done over the last 3 weeks. I picked up a pack of cigarettes yesterday even though I quit 2 years ago. I started cutting myself again after 8 years. I cheated on my husband with one of his coworkers and after he found out told him I'd stop talking to the guy and I'm still talking to him just deleting the messages now. I will say my husband has been amazing about this, he keeps trying to blame the other guy saying I have a mental health condition and don't understand there are lines that shouldn't be crossed. I can't help that I'm an incorrigible flirt and he took it to far. Don't get me wrong he doesn't trust me anymore. He comes home from work and checks my messages, he wants to rearrange the living room so the couch is next to his computer and he can see what I'm doing on my phone. If I want to go to the gym with a friend she needs to text him to confirm I'm really with her. I'm sure he'd also ask for a text when we're leaving so he knows when I should be home. I know I deserve all this, really he should be leaving me but he's not, which i think is making me feel worse. I start therapy again on wed but right now I just feel like I'm imploding. Sorry for the long rant.",3.0860909090909097,4.070108472727276,4.361590909090912,88.28238636363638,73.36363636363636,7.536363636363636,25.75,7.908726449838941,1.2781454545454545,1030,33,226,14,20,340,162,275,0.083,0.862,0.056,-0.7053,0,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,17,11,3,0,13,0,21,2,1,2,2,38,52,15,0,7,7,2,2,1,1,4,1,2,4,2,8,11,0,2,8,1,1,4,7,4,0,1,5,5,32,7,30,39,2,36,0,0,1,0,34,9,0,1,23,133,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082821697469995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097686526895842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280891423944087,0.0,0.0,0.12114396560707295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419752056299765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522487330404598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500597501010627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621775808335953,0.0,0.08068157916791058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097841580271234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352948722081852,0.08726685739868413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339355796075419,0.09437589402887543,0.0,0.12764086907103714,0.0,0.06942294548408416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419033727132789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060180664967722,0.0,0.12984401272188634,0.0,0.0,0.0818772657447947,0.0,0.24506088687786776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857610698671903,0.0,0.0,0.13426531127405852,0.09957183123857306,0.0,0.25868694233389944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967828468852258,0.0,0.10786423898892368,0.10810246510370687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153875792225737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310252278403475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905756591670168,0.0,0.0,0.129912187719387,0.1146332742788482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277472636925659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992583814794675,0.0,0.0,0.15650998826736714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431886696048864,0.0,0.19428356167068914,0.0,0.0,0.09734093983622123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224223971763985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674142622165705,0.1729224903445269,0.0,0.09755235939795813,0.10212623170593713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861893605767928,0.11512871967191808,0.0,0.0,0.19636555081021667,0.0,0.0,0.13969376946430007,0.0,0.0,0.07827136464229661,0.1200157059573058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672340238104613,0.13571761256492149,0.08293456222792814,0.0,0.0,0.1271666444204316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440992136166381,0.0,0.09798458786574066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892958253153223,0.0,0.12448538386353035,0.0,0.13355624649899206,0.0,0.15732636979506434 bpd,mentalhealthdiscord,2018/01/13,"Mental Health Discord Hi everyone, I have a discord set up for discussions on mental health. I'd really love if any of you could check it out and contribute! Advice, insights, anecdotes, ranting and joking around are all welcome and encouraged! Hope to see some of you there :) https://discord.gg/ysjb7m4",5.9098666666666695,9.57758932,4.888000000000002,74.86066666666667,75.8,8.133333333333335,30.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,3.470133333333335,246,11,34,6,6,73,42,50,0.085,0.627,0.28800000000000003,0.9182,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,11,6,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,8,5,2,5,0,0,1,1,7,4,0,3,0,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25073699834483426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449015195011788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284197006629406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048664158390288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24518295605545415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5454868212515991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548519896581093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315826961416544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171651925556735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437826859401392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446918858952248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NurseFG,2018/01/13,"Need support Having a meltdown, all I want to do is hurt myself and I don't know how to deal with this. Tbh I'll probably delete this but right now emotions feel so impossible.",2.8866666666666667,4.599676555555559,4.167777777777779,86.555,75.1111111111111,7.022222222222222,25.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,1.3736222222222216,140,5,29,2,3,46,31,36,0.066,0.843,0.09,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,9,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,9,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36203778331331216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950156375872749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756059934162174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759315635111509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929922132518448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26038589958216124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786174476069637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998947207970209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39850017870634186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071274099008367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LimeGreenSea,2018/01/13,"What BPD does to relationships. I screwed up recently. Thought my SO was breaking up with me, so I told my best friend (we've not been close recently) I don't want to talk to anyone anymore. Well they agreed. We no longer talk. BPD makes me panic and make irrational decisions. ",1.7289218328840974,4.4764895471698125,2.502479784366578,90.60660377358492,87.49056603773585,6.8021563342318085,24.552560646900268,7.957251820313856,1.7041504043126685,218,9,44,5,7,68,41,53,0.195,0.617,0.188,0.1385,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,1,3,5,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,10,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,9,3,6,4,1,6,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,2,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338567782547468,0.1433977086712566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522031492182106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165857797135541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946814696232966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844540899136064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737869024835253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406188782834621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049863543578703,0.22018071304633255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296733803699822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628117526368437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19596410099669587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096234463133132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843928405618729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mustardyellow123,2018/01/13,"Stopped therapy, please be kind Back in September I decided to go back to DBT therapy after a particularly rough breakup. (I had done and completed DBT a few years earlier but I felt my mental health was just spiraling out of control, along with my ex dumping me my parents went through a nasty divorce and my mom began dating someone new...SO I really needed some extra help.) Anyways, I was pretty excited to start and open to trying to be better and figured even though I knew a lot of the stuff already, it never hurts to go back. When I first started, there was an intern there that mainly taught the class (though I didn't know she wasn't permanent) and I just really loved her and the way she taught. She reminded me a bit of myself, goofy, loud, eccentric, and as I've often thought of becoming a therapist one day, I really looked up to her and admired her. Several weeks in she expressed one day how her time was almost up and me and and everyone else in the group was pretty bummed, but I obviously still planned on going. It wasn't my intention to not go anymore once she left. However, the other teacher that took over just started to drive me crazy. I felt like she wasn't challenging me enough, and she always seemed confused about what she was teaching and like she didn't even understand it herself! She never collects our diary cards so I stopped doing them, and she doesn't really listen to you when you talk, it's all very generic. She is a very nice person, don't get me wrong, but the feeling I get from her is that she doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself to teach and it kind of shows through in how she teaches and everything else she does. On top of that, my individual therapist was also very nice. But that's about it. I didn't feel like I was challenged a whole lot by her, and I always found myself wanting a little bit more. I have had a lot of therapists over the years and I find I respond well with ""tough love"". I don't always need someone just being extra nice to me and telling me ""it's okay."" So, after a few weeks of thinking on it, and a few missed sessions because I got a pretty nasty case of pneumonia that made me fall behind in the group anyways, I decided I didn't want to go anymore. I would like to pick up therapy again somewhere else though. My insurance is supposed to start February first, so after that I was thinking of finding a new place. But I can't tell if I'm just making excuses for myself or not. I feel kind of guilty for not going anymore and sad. But I also feel I wasn't retaining much, and for the money I was spending without having health insurance right now, I'd much rather spend it somewhere else where I'm 100% satisfied. Right? I can't tell if I'm regretting this decision or not entirely, but I could use some insight, (kindly), please. Is there anything wrong with seeking therapy somewhere else? I really feel like I did give it a good go seeing as its already January. (Again, can't tell if I'm just making excuses to make myself feel better or not) 😩 hmph. ",4.687823170731708,5.6478037750000025,5.594983739837399,81.01434146341467,69.58333333333334,8.920325203252032,30.13414634146341,9.18016646516576,2.5368792682926835,2395,93,464,46,41,787,259,600,0.07,0.759,0.171,0.9968,2,0,0,0,1,0,72.0,1,2,1,9,38,32,1,1,26,1,42,4,0,10,4,110,97,49,0,11,26,3,9,5,0,1,2,2,0,1,22,28,0,4,23,1,3,11,23,9,1,4,34,13,82,23,63,58,20,67,0,4,2,2,48,23,0,16,37,335,104,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057037104514007925,0.0,0.12571331557476847,0.09110161092986696,0.14218558060215766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694667233845506,0.0,0.0,0.04687313824219179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313959242583165,0.0,0.0347222217943302,0.06290772617096854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007527922653036,0.1243709002863811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059721363594318684,0.0,0.06388536285316293,0.045477839304321,0.0,0.0,0.07346883699523997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984598578552346,0.05828974609478164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379134063111626,0.0,0.0,0.058854795306678725,0.0,0.0752429436087886,0.0,0.0,0.054427618260328346,0.051191878597107436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280379865213522,0.08138431718719955,0.10938085863607487,0.0,0.1041206196858855,0.0969001109499952,0.0,0.062453582140772526,0.0,0.0,0.05951838581209028,0.05464111914170838,0.2266013369012468,0.04777525539750307,0.045556029429183034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109140435686312,0.0,0.0,0.038179015289574736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060976743009464436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23725985131842536,0.031303667296179116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188708987957731,0.0,0.0,0.1391386316368014,0.0570887762003706,0.0,0.0,0.047831963996810285,0.0,0.0,0.19370105484373706,0.1028170537143272,0.053896827529958016,0.1140635116630544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740217454508342,0.0,0.0,0.06671073769363592,0.0,0.0,0.08374414977501764,0.08447007712689016,0.08786196114659449,0.11002443826043504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066042655832672,0.07719499460308063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324721988871962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049735181098329605,0.059510964382689525,0.12504971449280394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738460644152298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824498284314916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728687396791368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045389659712042014,0.05185414688139739,0.0,0.06434846555275675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965238641716722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612660203713447,0.0,0.045488243740302386,0.09524204127482133,0.0,0.0,0.065205449394401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04578220400090514,0.19914182666681848,0.0,0.2605544047774901,0.19840447617856655,0.0,0.07299519836748097,0.16788841558345716,0.04521979217490732,0.03321377138462165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328453641003677,0.038672028071913916,0.0,0.0,0.0592972569062644,0.0,0.04919505885024787,0.0,0.14099362994135,0.06719284077015092,0.04521211141337739,0.09137958001502074,0.0,0.05121378397877286,0.05280239101783615,0.0,0.06359368583758948,0.0,0.05490730376563049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046267338326205,0.1245534015021111,0.0,0.07336060655201979 bpd,seduir,2018/01/13,"Anyone else have an urge to hit those close to you? **diagnosed BPD for 3+ years now** I know it's probably a compulsion from my OCD but lately I feel like it's harder and harder to resist these urges to hit people when they annoy or infuriate me. At this point it's something I have to actively hold back on. I know I say it's hard for me to resist, but I would never hurt someone because I know it would break my heart to do. Abuse and anger issues run in my family and I feel as I grow up I get these urges even stronger. Any advice or empathy to be offered would be great. ",0.2614871194379411,2.4437138606557407,2.510210772833726,92.58672131147543,86.62295081967213,5.7807962529274,17.730679156908664,7.1686216300943375,0.18137283372365287,449,11,100,7,14,152,79,122,0.152,0.708,0.14,-0.3991,0,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,4,5,2,0,2,0,8,2,1,0,1,18,16,9,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,4,17,2,16,9,0,15,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,2,7,64,26,0,0.0,0.21048683570693247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17359804787559882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080845647836215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421738545668448,0.18202396805461385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366022965860691,0.0,0.10829411794428982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374463132890635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803115546776952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840422733429978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733650366486988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747311498925374,0.0,0.17965089775746432,0.12691357852171242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281507288281787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586034326670226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913998626885587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105167406915613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901785732042028,0.0,0.0,0.1854210046821535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928962661152159,0.0,0.20039754268973484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679107848762897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701504528692932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316051347776147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793717838944994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153732478218355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127483671677835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052272278199294,0.13676406194808574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785935315139113,0.0,0.0,0.11440112077888885 bpd,SamIsMessedUp,2018/01/13,"I tried to burn down part of my social life during a breakdown, attempted to backpedal, but then it actually burned down anyway. I was in a discord with a bunch of people I still consider my friends. The other day I had a particularly bad spat with my roommate over something entirely petty (literally a single chicken tender), and to create some hard distance from them (in my head, at least), I spontaneously left the discord, and the FF14 raid group I shared with them. This obviously was a horrible fucking idea, and I quickly backpedaled. Things seemed fine, I had calmed down, made it to sleep, woke up, and was pretty productive in the morning. Then the afternoon came. My roommate was told to ask what kind of mood I was in by my (former) raid leader, who wanted to talk to me, which I initially shrugged off as legitimate concern, until I poked him to figure out what he wanted to talk about. The short of it is, he exercised his responsibility as a Raid Leader to keep the morale of the Raid Team at a reasonable level. What this meant in practice was, with this having been the third or fourth breakdown I've had that has affected the raid or raid morale in some respect, was that he issued me a final warning. At first I was shocked, but understanding. Then I pressed a little bit and asked him what he really thought was best for the raid group. He wanted me out of it entirely. At this point, I started dissociating like mad, my emotions were basically locked up in a case with 27 padlocks and 42 deadbolts. I really didn't say much more, and eventually said I didn't even feel comfortable holding my position while they find a replacement for me. My shame for wronging these friends is too great, and I can't even return to the discord, which has tons of non-raiding friends of the raid group, as well as some who don't even play the game. I feel like I'm a danger to humanity, and that interaction with me is like some sort of disease. It's like I spread negativity wherever I interact with people, and this isn't the first time shit like this has happened. Do I try and work up the courage to face these people again? My BPD has erected a safety wall between my emotions and theirs, and I just don't feel I can believe them if they say they don't hate me. I could find new friendships, but my mistakes would just create a repeat of circumstances that have been repeating as long as I can remember. I can barely even trust the connections I have right now. I feel like everyone has me on their last chance. I don't even feel human anymore. All of this literally could've been avoided if I didn't have impulse issues with food, and asked before I took an extra chicken tender. This is a farce.",7.998803912850157,6.99544149710983,7.814653179190753,74.58906736327258,62.73795761078998,10.913324440492067,35.761153105083736,10.035473477838034,3.3516058396324286,2143,82,409,38,26,687,251,519,0.124,0.718,0.158,0.9667,0,1,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,8,6,15,35,5,2,34,0,44,11,5,3,2,67,71,32,0,8,9,0,7,6,3,1,4,3,0,2,29,25,1,3,15,4,0,2,10,11,1,3,27,10,61,23,68,42,15,54,2,0,0,1,41,29,2,10,29,293,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.08729085294060182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871092937561108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508726240907168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468748961469349,0.0,0.0,0.07611584674204455,0.10078016086872726,0.0938728545753828,0.0,0.09765685496836736,0.0,0.11265986157574495,0.0,0.0,0.10230762220021912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283800300521313,0.0,0.0,0.05768821760249347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012397031120104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29540628935212154,0.0,0.0,0.08547385297498851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261444794574993,0.12780701019208182,0.0,0.09798872714863847,0.16351240093088693,0.15217321832796285,0.10816398433343884,0.0,0.20732786551937635,0.0826956105970927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861956923635842,0.0,0.0,0.07910084365448848,0.0,0.08013014085625117,0.088313918886984,0.09180209133157803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097880559285664,0.0,0.18672631022837136,0.0,0.07950777664005472,0.0,0.0931490036522516,0.0,0.07291415337562306,0.0,0.0,0.09718830605660568,0.0,0.06318158297343669,0.26220618113653915,0.08965297066892199,0.0,0.07916093962326506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464029217813056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575646127990327,0.0,0.0,0.08639191792802317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686625043828256,0.0,0.18604128712620008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455970164917342,0.0,0.0,0.09100338777172187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460865133635273,0.09197008395294334,0.0,0.0,0.10133005848724884,0.07639029804828654,0.0850879760643535,0.14226936712730842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143243941862101,0.0,0.0,0.09181972468728128,0.0,0.0,0.08951517015284939,0.09118359136045986,0.0,0.06886341896158542,0.0,0.0,0.06331357386039081,0.0,0.0714353407667483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437939597109495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942698402847747,0.0,0.0,0.07101376087100983,0.0521593467216492,0.0,0.0,0.08547385297498851,0.09938287460659424,0.1214621307092065,0.0,0.0,0.09312119803560166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582807913481454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804268050304365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651210803264041,0.0,0.0,0.06354311848065528,0.09780015613218504,0.0,0.0 bpd,Starbuckbunny7,2018/01/13,"Having trouble with safe place in EMDR I'm terrible with visualization stuff to begin with. I can't make safe place work. I came up with a well detailed space that sounds appealing to me but I just can't put myself there on command. I want to get to the actual real part of EMDR and out of prep phase but unless I take the whole safe place part I don't think I will. We're going to try again next session. Has anyone had an success with safe place in EMDR? What was your experience?",1.243939393939396,3.599630363636365,3.0573737373737413,89.1727272727273,83.74747474747474,5.62020202020202,18.090909090909093,6.980632752743323,0.1767696969696968,382,9,79,5,11,127,68,99,0.039,0.763,0.198,0.9443,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,4,8,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,20,17,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,4,1,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,3,1,10,6,18,13,3,16,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,0,3,53,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.16259517966496678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650321305174285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056665907548734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298442219952033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705105304483028,0.0,0.0946928762526682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121884068573162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720018402626847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608622178133945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6963215882342254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749715820574332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964781567623107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073780165896104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527603603865758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067621172584743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312271732865113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827564148971027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980963495340682,0.0,0.0,0.18602310004313788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212999231758384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HurricaneAsh,2018/01/13,"Friend said some really hurtful things, feeling awful A friend of mine has been avoiding me for months. I had tried to reach out to him on a handful of occasions to invite him to do things with me and my other friends, all of which he declined, claiming work and the holidays were crazy. I ran into him in public and he looked less than thrilled to see me. In my gut, I knew something was wrong and his excuses were B.S. I've been ghosted and dumped by friends before, and this felt too similar. After months of pestering and expressing my concern and anxiety, how much I missed him, he suggested we get coffee and I followed up with him a couple of weeks later to see if he was still interested. Having lost a lot sleep over his absence and behavior, I called him out a couple of days ago and asked for the third time what was wrong and if he was sincere in meeting up. He said a lot, but here's the gist: ""I DO like you and am 100% your friend, but...."" He told me our friendship was too intense and that he didn't like intense. He said that he felt friendship should be easy and it was work with me. Said he was upset when I told him ""things shouldn't change"" after he got a new boyfriend. He told me I was smothering him and reminded him (my words) of his toxic ex boyfriend, a man who he has confided to me many times that caused him significant grief and distress. Said ""I hang on too hard."" Said when we were out with his friends I dominated the conversation and pissed everyone off, that it felt like I was trying to bring the conversation back to me and it was ""predatory friendship."" Felt ""belittled' at my frequent requests to hang out so insistently (which to me is crazy) But YES, he def. still wants to get coffee. In the moment, I apologized profusely and tried to own up to any wrongdoing on my part, attempted to offer solutions, and asked him to be open and honest with me in the future on how he was feeling - he's a very passive person and is not very open with his feelings. However, I know I've done this to avoid being abandoned, and guys, I'm tired for apologizing for who I am all the time. I feel as the PwBPD that I am always over-compensating for my deficits and any problems in relationships are always on me, my fault, and the other person is innocent in the whole thing. This friend and I, prior to his new relationship, I feel a had really great and in-sync connection and really enjoyed each others company. We hung out all the time. I like his bf, don't get me wrong. But maybe I am of no use now that he's around? Even though I agreed to meet up, I'm not sure I want to. It's exhausting trying to twist and mold and shrink myself down to fit someone elses ideal - I don't want to do that anymore. Granted, I""m not saying shitty behavior (although honestly, I think his perception is WAY skewked and projecting on me) is ok, or that ""Well I'm just going to be a garbage human and screw anyone who wants me to be nice!"" But.... It gutted me so what he said. I'm not sure I ever want to see him again. It cut me to the core. I'm not really the suicidal type of borderline, but I've been feeling really suicidal recently. I try so, so hard to be a good person and to strive towards healthy relationships. It's a lot of hard work, and I've worked my ass off over the years to be better person. Then hearing that, it feels like it's all for not. I am clingy, and demanding, but I""m also a really cool person too and has a lot of love to give, and hearing that was telling me he fundamentally doesn't like who I am, good and BAD. Our relationship is conditional on his rules - I've asked other friends about the situation, and they said I've come a long way in the last few years and they don't think I'm ""too much"" I'm almost 28, most of my friends are paired off and I keep thinking, ""Jesus Christ, between the dating fiascos with horrible men, failed relationships and friendships lost to life or BPD shit, is my life worth living knowing that I am going to end up alone? That despite my best efforts, its never enough?"" I'm very extroverted and it's easy for me to MAKE friends, but if this is the average outcome, is it worth even trying? IDK, its so fucked up. I just ache everywhere and have been crying all night. There are two people inside of me, one who is this really outgoing, friendly,smart, funny, fun and passionate person who does great work in my community and strives to make the world a better place. Then, there's this emotionally volatile, clingy, selfish, irrational, obsessive, insecure, easily wounded animal who can't seem to keep people around and is constantly battling with herself. I wish I could be the part of me people love all the time. I know this was a long post, I just needed to get it out. If you made it this far, thank you for listening.",5.660646473779387,5.704126083333335,6.222691380349609,80.6006012658228,67.17510548523207,9.851597347799881,30.325195901145268,9.651573936322016,2.5373664255575648,3749,127,767,73,56,1222,379,948,0.139,0.657,0.205,0.9977,2,4,1,0,0,0,142.0,5,4,2,14,34,70,8,6,40,4,69,17,7,7,10,157,149,77,4,16,23,1,15,6,11,2,5,12,0,10,54,72,0,5,20,1,2,8,15,29,1,3,45,32,104,41,113,93,23,96,2,7,4,6,122,45,5,14,46,510,158,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399775260073553,0.0,0.045160115465477324,0.04670894372137304,0.0,0.03606563923378485,0.07505193087004604,0.0,0.0,0.06133770789744258,0.0,0.03450059742725063,0.0,0.044726071217511,0.031534256487627615,0.0,0.0,0.08029531019773553,0.12648437943983576,0.0,0.0,0.034678333000707,0.03765576578980445,0.0,0.0,0.03837591158301837,0.0,0.047328598727136295,0.07977276846255246,0.0,0.0,0.05680058846928285,0.0,0.046051102508068535,0.0,0.0,0.04632907711502562,0.047708742544622124,0.03884877924926999,0.0,0.04873597732459215,0.0,0.03600786701223874,0.09980233052783738,0.04953911352300956,0.029085112139629433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039466422651450304,0.046151916134648835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03767441209137263,0.05073028406155476,0.03994431154652002,0.046599303635651484,0.0,0.05957490392067099,0.04079461075710717,0.0,0.04309400952398788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596238009318088,0.032218721414498934,0.17320837892481195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484336125534023,0.04169328170693227,0.09424942582534863,0.043263052544969705,0.05126158101711088,0.0756537719972805,0.036069775397966165,0.09944357269507503,0.0,0.04465508216406998,0.0,0.0,0.12119948731789028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165965975142334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827939248458618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017209390947268,0.0,0.0,0.07435566242187899,0.03676168922585107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637094887765185,0.13219850602093475,0.0,0.039823226940488725,0.07982235893943035,0.037871786014418055,0.0,0.09846173162464072,0.15336616535959635,0.08140718322086027,0.04267374676914131,0.06020784073796821,0.045723288703905435,0.04530798865956241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199515357185063,0.0,0.0663058811561729,0.033440323355573516,0.03478311481808312,0.08711375477773847,0.0,0.04232233907483125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030560237053897512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976756042613839,0.0,0.09379786589961557,0.2362721467263868,0.047118836867396194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043192357793470984,0.0,0.0,0.04315363457138986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022409367438837,0.0,0.04452980347680482,0.2420971416896681,0.0,0.0,0.3431956719645792,0.03586452025129842,0.0,0.0,0.10781414787795496,0.04105641898341125,0.0,0.0,0.04629345644827212,0.0,0.05069314481024279,0.045131551472671935,0.0,0.038212220696583726,0.034719399316809965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203220980929427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866193186052434,0.0,0.08501051273042412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03941849767317214,0.04152108295132713,0.0,0.0,0.11984703750067158,0.08669281903741988,0.04430952037080186,0.0,0.13148789402564304,0.05183464493775074,0.0,0.12928202857196364,0.0,0.18371548849394,0.0,0.044055151814119016,0.0,0.0,0.03895103997543428,0.0,0.11163414872303666,0.13300273889640604,0.07159494470357272,0.03617568265278673,0.0,0.04054940056323129,0.0,0.0,0.050351402298051635,0.05186160305409923,0.0,0.0,0.1641629783917446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792596963101107,0.0,0.05808453095112887 bpd,dreamingofbicycles,2018/01/13,"Student looking for information from mood tracking app users. Hello I’m an interaction design student looking to gather some information about mood tracking apps for a project. I’m looking to get a sense of the people that use them and their experiences. I hope you can spare a few minutes of your time to help me out. https://goo.gl/forms/LX5iR01zBYw6IO4H3",7.806000000000001,10.74085426666667,6.593333333333334,69.165,64.66666666666666,8.133333333333335,35.33333333333333,8.841846274778883,3.426733333333333,296,14,43,5,5,89,45,60,0.0,0.903,0.097,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,10,9,2,2,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,2,1,26,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30075055888014995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063285374775735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608099818452613,0.0,0.0,0.3053727697324197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7745557718677434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315099083043806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927982449260604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265542910332052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drinkallthecoffee,2018/01/13,"How to deal with friend that has BPD? So, I'm pretty sure my friend has BPD. He seems to be pretty stable for long periods of time, but then he starts to get obsessed with a girl and then becomes very unstable. He got a new girlfriend, so now we're apparently not friends. I want to be there for him as a friend when he's ready to talk to me again, but I'm just not sure how. He has been lashing out at me, calling me clingy and needy, and said I'm annoying and not funny. These things are clearly not true. In contrast, a couple months ago he told me I was his closest friend and wanted to hang out with me almost every day. I'm positive he will come around again and want to be my friend in a few weeks or months. Probably when his girlfriend breaks up with him and he spirals into depression. She's cheating on him and telling people they're not even dating. Meanwhile he's planning out Valentines Day and telling everyone they're in love. So, It's gonna be a bumpy ride down. So how do I be there for him when he's ready? When he is stable, he is the best friend I've ever had, so I'm willing to forgive him for all the mean things he's said to me. I know none of this is his fault, and I do truly value him as a friend. I am concerned about him and feel bad that his girlfriend doesn't care about him and is cheating on him.",4.233211220431233,4.1290948540925285,4.798107598911454,90.10319866024705,70.20996441281139,7.750554741469543,27.20556834833577,7.048011613610866,1.0430592840694994,1038,30,239,8,17,332,140,281,0.15,0.627,0.223,0.9779,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,23,22,3,1,9,0,22,1,0,3,6,49,44,31,0,3,9,0,1,0,11,3,0,2,0,1,7,22,0,0,5,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,7,3,28,15,37,29,4,40,0,1,0,1,49,14,0,3,22,149,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155722262259154,0.0,0.1034264787814512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919468552152467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623988715076995,0.0,0.1140717899593432,0.0,0.0,0.108392776713558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601713834227519,0.0,0.10546703274162768,0.0,0.10530743860125076,0.0,0.0,0.08897214724310129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428451316258885,0.0,0.13322245537060726,0.10648381401627473,0.08896048421116354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821973850984203,0.09342852427144274,0.0870233046541569,0.09869464716155547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222474202519597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.638390956516443,0.0,0.05396291694460545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260762448008563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056763542065757164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140527463271747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322007064493036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250924396489903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488454793607835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975471516431253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160583247126599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101589418056185,0.11136028263493714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649816834206835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402812200682384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310669421345566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946925489558326,0.0,0.0,0.08301775118168522,0.18055385249435968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372378807418975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602271705521076,0.0,0.0,0.09869464716155547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522215377574938,0.18276310603580925,0.0,0.08285017510978616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,annabelmarie,2018/01/13,"Told my friend about bpd and she completely disregarded it I was venting to my friend about it and showed her some posts from here that I considered relatable and she referred to it as ‘stupid’ and a made up illness. The thing that particularly annoys me about this is the fact that she’s constantly telling me that my reckless behaviour (living in the moment, disrespecting authority in school, being an extreme pleasure seeker, occasional extreme optimism and passion about life. Last year I got kicked out of school and sent to a pupil referral unit for a while) is abnormal and will only lead me to crashing and burning after school and yet she’s trying to tell me that i’m just trying too hard to be different with this disorder and that i’m just another normal human being even though I didn’t know this disorder existed until a week ago. I told her that she’s showing narrow mindedness in terms of the complexity and depth of human beings and that she’s projecting because she’s got a simple outlook on life. This type of thing only contributes to my lack of identity. It’s like in the process of trying to figure out who I am and why I act the way that I do (which i’m constantly told is abnormal) i’m being told by people to stop trying to be different. This girl has referred to me as a ‘mess’ before and been told by her that I need to ‘sort myself out’ but now that i’ve found something that could be the root of all this she’s calling bullshit on me.",8.900380566801623,7.029198568421055,8.941754385964913,70.00202429149799,61.561403508771924,12.418353576248315,37.712550607287454,11.20814326018867,4.113906882591094,1172,45,217,26,13,386,147,285,0.078,0.872,0.05,-0.7762,3,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,12,8,2,0,14,0,18,4,0,3,2,40,34,20,0,4,3,0,1,1,2,1,3,0,0,3,26,18,0,2,6,2,0,3,1,3,0,0,13,1,31,5,42,12,4,31,0,0,0,1,26,12,0,2,15,158,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442865536663436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117015433993419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493711216870167,0.0,0.0906455724295332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416546066910462,0.0,0.10877470724896493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169022851024328,0.2302329967038632,0.0,0.08505214814845492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259348449973607,0.2441754908476932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035925722104923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679999318116226,0.16460306979427938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703967568968522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542615365483237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854376965115848,0.08683270900666851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048458371724815,0.052043103595830434,0.0,0.0940641942590146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079724608583523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898749834872944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437262339664956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203527546314805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385154642078136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202222788377724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234292568682542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820087314062508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906030198864025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621641224950292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154195783376955,0.0,0.10466101448562624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5089496249665894,0.0,0.2892959833701789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455518680874666,0.08544853599105233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612292583877237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859909432999453 bpd,JYCOFF,2018/01/13,"What is the biggest Trigger in relationships? I have come to really realize that my biggest and single most trigger in my relationships happens the moment I get ignored. Out of all the fights and emotions ive been able to change and work through any possible arguement... but, whenever I get ignored by my own partner my heart turns black. I know its wrong but honestly speaking; when someone ignores me, it feels like they dont care about the relationship at all, and i eventually start acting careless and break up to treat them like they dont exist because i feel that its the equivalent to how i felt. Does anyone else struggle with this? ",8.99960451977401,8.406648847457634,8.480000000000004,69.29367231638419,60.52542372881357,11.595480225988705,41.700564971751426,10.864195022040775,4.663944632768364,516,26,87,11,6,164,83,118,0.174,0.72,0.105,-0.8021,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,3,12,1,1,5,0,6,1,1,3,2,24,17,9,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,3,5,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,5,16,5,14,15,5,13,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,1,5,61,23,1,0.16061878443327174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922628126743264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230838864849686,0.16457292570167412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791172018086436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376155541055507,0.0,0.1699133766396151,0.1383588606301373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405585806484438,0.0,0.3764880382590156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417638424174003,0.1806745137900781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242736692789514,0.11474609169227998,0.15421922144490804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678333711410625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203466062266068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033403290272213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827188338042492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694044981183106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107354603268655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289650618698556,0.0,0.0,0.5173333937378455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360917748226548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368680232221627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679136275666205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470711461837976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169323880279118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17561142641858413,0.0,0.0 bpd,Chefbpd,2018/01/13,"New year, new me? More like new day, new me, amirite? . I'm having a bad day. ",-3.6354901960784334,-2.3449149411764694,-0.8858823529411772,111.50686274509803,110.17647058823529,2.266666666666667,11.549019607843142,3.1291,-2.2422392156862743,54,1,16,0,3,18,12,17,0.196,0.6609999999999999,0.142,-0.2656,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713745705973226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045358353623577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534876867435374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9121250746921884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204360455886934 bpd,dumbcoconuthair,2018/01/14,"Lied to my boss that Im down with fever and I can’t work but the truth is I’m well, just suicidal I was having a lot of trouble lately with my FP. I can see myself breaking him down and tearing him apart. But part of me is convinced that nobody cares and nobody really genuinely listens to me. They just think I’m fucked up and shit. I was so affected I don’t think I can go for work today, so I told my in charge that I’m down with fever. Tbh I feel like shit. I feel like I’m in a mess idk what to do. Now I have to pay to visit a doctor to get a medical certificate that I am sick and unfit for work today... I feel like resigning my job. (This is just a three months contract temp job it’s ending February) I took up a temp job as I am preparing for uni don’t even know if I can get into one or not. I’m so messed up .... I hate it but I just can’t seem to feel better or happy anymore and it hurts to see me ruining other people’s life ",-0.9398064770932102,0.9256313127962096,2.043489336492893,96.0707000394945,88.95260663507109,5.4124012638230665,16.374605055292257,6.816661863887847,-0.2630428120063195,721,16,178,10,24,254,109,211,0.243,0.626,0.131,-0.982,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,4,10,19,4,0,7,0,17,9,2,2,1,33,41,16,1,1,11,0,4,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,10,10,0,0,8,0,1,3,5,10,1,2,4,7,28,9,26,37,2,20,0,3,2,1,6,10,3,5,9,115,38,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784915108262032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401494083672978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143754894250134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195008025170804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418052564838015,0.0,0.0,0.08514721598333043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607334173965816,0.276290946399854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917994420204905,0.13470565101946125,0.0,0.07326542928752355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723253443021932,0.0,0.12727698422224445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800629422425892,0.0,0.13925044345167115,0.0,0.3837850717043181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084837441226187,0.0,0.14542186205468313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105655643633452,0.18894423665083698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959901860519558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298684132928605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289881288097867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735621658391357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960250415881312,0.0,0.08937350708574535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258632213194406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054573079440072,0.11735947671313512,0.0,0.0,0.2646590208564808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101220931295252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520719746046672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439290601590125,0.12318391453598393,0.14322943339715238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159101682261898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815552118294964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JayAla1116,2018/01/14,"Someone similar It’s really hard to talk about what is going on in my head, because a lot of the times that I do, they just don’t get it. It’s not their fault, because they don’t think the same way. But I really feel like I need to relate to someone. I have an abusive past and went in to foster care when I was 13. I’m 20 now and I don’t talk to my family, for the better. But now I struggle with living in my past and no hope for the future because of it. I just feel crazy.",0.5812668743509875,1.7679819345794456,3.162554517133959,93.5640394600208,80.12149532710279,6.250882658359295,19.365524402907575,6.937597516519254,0.0554390446521289,365,8,90,4,9,128,64,107,0.118,0.753,0.129,0.3057,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,6,6,0,1,6,0,7,1,1,0,0,16,17,6,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,3,14,4,15,15,2,14,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,8,62,20,0,0.0,0.22079560759887268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407937435695785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481242403669955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899973888657005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756752533066384,0.0,0.1884494533485728,0.13312927902657334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736077005798452,0.0,0.10590763728288666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669340025161061,0.0,0.1912500138096776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508871206742825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910417454111898,0.0,0.16455145512736136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842906022494338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817699596047806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557864646641369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387626015143549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157894024342749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481465422481767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995639465460377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940627465991573,0.0,0.0,0.10866283802608548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791684697401974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727493573710139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emonemomemeo,2018/01/14,"Ugh god, Idk what to do. My girlfriend tends to isolate herself when she gats depressed, and I can understand that and support her and not act on my impulses (well enough at least lol) but emotionally... its hell. I keep splitting and I don't even know what are my ""real"" emotions anymore.",3.594999999999999,5.959012203703708,3.9182962962962975,86.20633333333332,75.1111111111111,6.542222222222222,31.170370370370367,7.554174236665415,2.104463703703704,225,11,42,3,5,70,44,54,0.22,0.723,0.057,-0.8641,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,9,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,9,2,4,9,2,4,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26640506605084185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23136740251820975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6043367686140603,0.0,0.2775627329886862,0.0,0.17742511003006595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23876736087010986,0.0,0.0,0.14762996629282396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30575549154101594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30483389437754543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796494083425568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415272667888677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway30091978,2018/01/14,"Question around Favourite Person My very recent ex of 5.5 years was clinically diagnosed BPD before we met, she told me this before we dated and I accepted it. For a long time we were happy, ups and downs as to be expected, but she managed the illness well. Shortly before Christmas she started talking to a guy who I believe replaced me as her favourite person, because we were having a hard time and he was a random on the internet who could tell her whatever he wanted without ever having to follow through. Would mention he is married with kids, but this didn’t matter. He also lived thousands of miles away. I said she has to stop talking to this guy (after she admitted inappropriate messages) and she said she didn’t want to, so I ended it. Since then I don’t believe she has split me, but I want to know if there’s any hope for the future. At the moment I am certain it done, but I wouldn’t rule out something in the future, I just want to know peoples opinions on this, was I unreasonable and what was the thought process behind abandoning a relationship with someone who had been there and supported her for a random guy she only just met?",8.094821061291647,7.044099773755658,8.049979432332375,73.13232003290827,62.57466063348414,10.2083093377211,37.7379679144385,9.095868883498916,3.4118923076923067,914,39,163,12,11,296,127,221,0.052000000000000005,0.843,0.105,0.775,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,4,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,12,0,22,3,0,0,2,45,39,16,0,10,8,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,6,11,14,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,17,3,30,6,30,18,0,27,0,1,0,0,43,11,0,6,15,126,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850172373111847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376213601052925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965044055829123,0.0,0.0,0.11572546421696855,0.0,0.0,0.07508536157826487,0.0,0.3144344745570957,0.2775484850605906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551325858082982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834393744126016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250184085406986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604915341409995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109095072877546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141739239577554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658830948207774,0.0,0.1311203750361042,0.11033917296139913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233897891497668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353857591015745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087643691200423,0.10900458323850444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367892134606047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539292680143294,0.21510052427223147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379823979104829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216188730619906,0.1322421355807842,0.0,0.0,0.23433222025011985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189030957992128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436442237467626,0.09482490127087928,0.0,0.0,0.08718276671344431,0.0,0.0,0.1029784780036703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977571500739158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980042268965156,0.1076589809632792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778592124831527,0.1436468005166287,0.0,0.0,0.11769746248173114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163095502245982,0.2906034512757701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107476794144903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873476245126666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749884956675111,0.0,0.0,0.07931963140473179 bpd,lc_mchgh,2018/01/14,"Overcompensatory behavior after having emotional breakdown Does anyone else have the problem that after they have an emotional breakdown in response to perceived abandonment of their FP they feel the need to over compensate with super sweet behavior as if they have to win back their FP’s affection? He always tells me I shouldn’t be sorry for my feelings, but I get this guilty discomfort once I’ve calmed down like now if I don’t show him the super lovey side of me he’s gonna leave me cause I’m too much to handle. Even when I tel myself it’s okay to just not over compensate, I’ll imagine that he’s mad at me. It just feels like sometimes I can’t avoid this fear of being abandoned. I just can’t win.",3.5797619047619023,5.602536785714285,4.300000000000002,85.01333333333334,74.0,7.523809523809526,25.23809523809524,8.344100000000001,1.648738095238095,570,19,110,10,12,182,91,140,0.18600000000000005,0.605,0.208,0.3919,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,5,4,8,16,1,3,4,1,10,0,0,2,0,21,17,5,0,5,7,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,4,18,9,18,13,1,11,0,2,0,0,10,6,0,2,7,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720096727833899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454517230999495,0.2118116214592032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895683543315034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123609426840881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090424503432284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726901152580465,0.4650699567874343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653825572109793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23262027475390326,0.3135753084384443,0.1476825889423985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800396944025123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188892696967868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201988334383986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196481674850007,0.1532821077747556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201527063224644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19780550549436385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044538295720137,0.23140890415969986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806845688784608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,antifragileforlife,2018/01/14,"Tomorrow is the first day of my life No, I will not to be born tomorrow, I’ve actually been around almost 29 years on this planet bu this far. But from tomorrow I will be the person who is doing everything he can to survive of this bullshit illness. Even though I’ve not been diagnosed yet I’m certain that I have BPD. Actually been already more than a year and before that suspected it for several years. I am quite a textbook example: extremely unstable emotional balance, reckless lifestyle and the terrible emptiness often correlated to intense dissosiation which is a combo that hasn’t given me a peace since I was something like 10 years old. In addition I consider myself to fulfill the other 5 characteristics as well. I have fucked up almost all of my important relationships by this far. Especially the romantic relationships make me a complete unstable monster with all the basic features from splitting to fear of abandonment. I’ve been in two relationships and especially the destruction of the last one ended about a year ago makes me still feel worse than anything else. I really think that she is the love of my life and that se also loves me a lot but I made everything to destroy us, even though I don’t think that I had much control over myself. Actually a year ago, right after the breakup, I was in an exactly same situtation but managed to fuck everything up by thinking I’m ok right after one month when I was feeling much better. I mostly managed to do it by living by very strict routines and leaving all the destructive shit like binge drinking, porn, etc. out of my life. I thought that I finally found a cure to my illness and was finally capable to control it and cancelled a psychiatrist meeting. But it took no more than one month when I was back again in same pit and it has continued from there to this point and several more mistakes have been made. Anyhow I just wanted to say by this post that now I have had enough. From this on I will do everything I can to fight against this. Meaning that I’m going to meet a psychriatrist and get myself to therapy, leave alcohol etc. totally atleast for few months, and make my daily routines as good as possible. And I will not quit until I’m either cured even it would mean to stay on this road the rest of my life. I will higly appreciate any tips or recommendations for this road. P.S. This whole post was a total stream of thought I just wanted to put on a textual form. If you are interested I can open my background more in an another post or even write somekind of blog about the progression of my life. Actually I might do the second anyway – just to make it little easier to stay on the road I’ve now chosen. ",7.537173549107141,7.329342611328126,7.927756696428574,70.79335937500002,63.31640625,11.689285714285715,36.840401785714285,11.20814326018867,4.227273772321428,2155,95,388,56,28,711,250,512,0.124,0.784,0.092,-0.9567,0,0,3,0,1,0,37.0,1,1,0,8,25,21,7,1,30,1,42,16,1,8,7,72,72,28,0,5,14,0,2,2,0,7,9,1,0,1,30,17,2,3,11,2,0,3,7,11,1,6,20,3,45,10,70,43,23,67,0,1,0,5,16,25,3,10,36,292,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.2653412998386466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051425271975195,0.072646278558416,0.1361374279903759,0.0,0.07501383350503131,0.05436083714034815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046226397485443965,0.07127935888818762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593892376288265,0.060513557689890515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226978510848816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057843052944494676,0.0,0.0,0.060119750637405066,0.0,0.0,0.08561410818866512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127213859367516,0.0,0.1524830031111683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383926301658492,0.0,0.0,0.06899478596717605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665911580210335,0.0,0.0,0.0567857002833593,0.07646448998387463,0.06020706303271664,0.07023796637488418,0.15162368498159326,0.17959152913889004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443718258697444,0.0,0.0,0.07649253799077732,0.0687419908377095,0.0,0.0,0.14893001589093507,0.0,0.05782083430214539,0.0,0.07453279855170722,0.0,0.12568648413662675,0.0355149513270212,0.0,0.03863265030690943,0.05701552039516709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055409975906889335,0.0,0.14395474165584554,0.0,0.0,0.2400693026141401,0.0664198353213476,0.06813037955957167,0.06002455523059499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779124753556875,0.12270301381427245,0.1286421451314619,0.18149954884829772,0.0,0.0,0.14809282186710218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211239675821071,0.0,0.0,0.1627747449384252,0.0,0.09994119842471824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132997358075349,0.0,0.13818804585899044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935451749395241,0.0,0.0,0.06425982904768812,0.07663336713360716,0.19530828602525108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833522643347985,0.0,0.14460289565652265,0.0,0.0,0.04354753031660034,0.0,0.0,0.21894418462225687,0.0,0.1161032358853603,0.0,0.05405769552175912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535883469212248,0.06977697054904591,0.05623091977936558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052331683340962463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490795455540822,0.054286175283347435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773713011075828,0.0,0.0,0.13066992065168198,0.1335732665116731,0.10793160440743113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552446860543054,0.0,0.0,0.06640322988417224,0.0,0.08176744197607058,0.0,0.0,0.05608778796069554,0.08018868243538432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061119098593202185,0.0,0.0,0.07589341096576181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927393053675182,0.04828860380402979,0.0,0.0,0.2626480878605905 bpd,suckmyhugedong,2018/01/14,"I'm starting DBT, and I don't think I'm strong enough I don't know if I can post here, I haven't been diagnosed with the disorder, but I'm starting DBT, and waiting to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, to find out what's wrong with me. I've had my first talk with a therapist, and she mentioned the homework you get, to better yourself and think about how you behave and feel as such. The problem is, I almost never have energy to do anything. I feel like I wont ever change, that I'll never get an education or kids, or anything. I feel so tired. And I'm so scared of being with other people, and I don't know when the group starts. I'm thinking of just quitting now. I guess I want to hear if there are other people like me, or possibly, where they were in life when they started treatment. I'm so scared of going, and so scared of staying home in bed.",4.414911122397157,4.487909089385473,5.4569222955815135,84.92265109192483,69.83798882681563,8.296800406297614,28.004570848146265,8.00094639256281,1.5833418994413404,673,21,145,8,11,223,100,179,0.183,0.753,0.064,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,2,4,15,9,0,3,8,0,14,3,0,1,3,39,40,22,0,4,7,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,3,1,4,14,0,1,9,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,4,19,4,19,35,1,18,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,7,13,96,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310249483136146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153528152528068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572404938413068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841938758538533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280753718804236,0.0,0.0,0.14996266030751346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520052567135604,0.0,0.0,0.11835912532176908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848140065763376,0.09347753575370206,0.0,0.0,0.11959231564230427,0.11129888286745432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508737666084545,0.0,0.07436369387026465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441433588774691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747472993832728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312507892332172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382081364249968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242151385121483,0.12785103433265374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183543705550586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142647045591184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751098380511435,0.1253158099597624,0.0,0.0,0.12520346064179855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917250537988932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930037558879977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704583562566434,0.1394661081535653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517032664988696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192412294878466,0.0,0.25152553345933804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039004227115454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717729155405997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306128557149153,0.0,0.0 bpd,kitteninpastel,2018/01/14,Feeling abandoned over minor things I know it's not healthy to be this way but yesterday me and my bf were gonna call (we're in a ldr) and he ended up going to a con with friends instead. I get so mad every time he does this that I can be lastingly mad at him. I also have severe anxiety and start thinking that something really bad is gonna happen while he's gone. Basically it feels like he abandoned me even though he's just going to hang out with friends and I hate it ,2.4354000000000013,3.8228563400000013,4.035,88.39750000000002,75.6,7.0,25.5,7.6454224807358475,1.2199000000000009,374,13,81,5,8,125,71,100,0.285,0.609,0.105,-0.9746,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,16,19,9,0,0,3,0,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,4,0,0,4,1,6,0,0,2,2,9,3,10,13,0,16,0,2,0,0,10,5,0,0,7,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028437630976546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724610688075537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823307708135864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019956031354502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728416143610453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967302527502132,0.0,0.0,0.14890106795876734,0.0,0.18994301771525715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279785889329058,0.1610544612299516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348348942977858,0.0,0.11778315394836628,0.0,0.2562456221118389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935594672720924,0.0,0.0,0.22257543782727576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389598991931447,0.18376378056728165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101386514209758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442270862550247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546831578554638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735548124104024,0.0,0.0,0.1595676717779872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977239324890085,0.14445292105119675,0.22149376565469897,0.0,0.1314559423890177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894386772333384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,medicblah,2018/01/14,"Saw pictures of a crush I had on Facebook - feeling huge regret for not having done anything I had really low self-esteem problems up until 2017 and didn’t think I was attractive enough. This is despite her telling her friends she had a crush on me. She would come close by at every opportunity to talk but I couldn’t build the courage to go speak to her. She was so pretty and although she ultimately gave me the confidence to find myself attractive I went all BPD and fucked it up. TBH I think she had problems too. It sucks how BPD can make you go all self-destructive. I’ve now taken time off university to get help. But feeling lost last couple of days. ",3.0405813953488376,5.285356565891476,3.878468992248063,86.40281976744188,76.3643410852713,6.78062015503876,25.47868217054264,7.793537801064563,1.4217798449612404,523,19,103,8,12,167,89,129,0.16,0.628,0.212,0.8381,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,4,12,2,0,4,0,13,1,0,2,2,22,29,9,0,5,3,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,0,4,3,7,0,0,13,4,18,5,16,14,3,18,0,3,1,1,15,9,2,0,5,68,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409797353047002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315368798280216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757488816708053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895595955790087,0.0,0.11048563826914756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531731997461064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701681122513835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434241333051295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324658789822597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565811246436303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235950369582447,0.15838030188129354,0.08950634192867682,0.0,0.1947274079663656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483053346902733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964665766016018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870133285271312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143557858880986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742915243437654,0.0,0.3278554909030037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097504006911439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574431069838777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769854641189025,0.14973907799025665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21954671972653372,0.0,0.0,0.09989663320771572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881307265339473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169906255941958,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kayasawyer,2018/01/14,"I feel like I'm trapped in a pit of self destructive tendencies and I have no idea how to get out of them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't know how to explain what's been going on in my life but I feel so isolated from family. My mom loves to play the martyr even though everything that's currently going wrong in my life is her fault. I'm so tired of her treating me like I'm a child. I'm 21 years old for fucks sake. I just need help or advice or just anything that might help. Any and all advice is appreciated.",1.2813555194805204,3.290245008928572,3.3416233766233776,89.23974025974026,81.05357142857143,6.929870129870131,20.89610389610389,8.00094639256281,0.8547214285714286,419,12,94,8,11,142,74,112,0.195,0.604,0.202,0.2523,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,2,0,3,0,8,5,0,2,1,19,22,10,0,2,5,1,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,2,12,6,13,18,1,10,0,0,0,2,10,5,1,3,5,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941324092705741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292474844060089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870708351281766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132953386829224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514871085238217,0.0,0.1588994323580368,0.0,0.1704537810627367,0.12041631629602913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582714574086334,0.0880634625820146,0.0,0.1915883214041237,0.0,0.0,0.1858333940258186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595883530756994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027901169411734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926338742559419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381119304169283,0.1646957257146736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521282144840253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881109550569452,0.0,0.1974105470954733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249820097582806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687098601274187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584048794082527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560524395902074,0.0,0.0,0.19373012726407196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973722320713028,0.18428933619392102,0.0,0.1085444260952278 bpd,therealslimshady476,2018/01/14,"I'm at my wits end with life.. Any advice? Hi guys I need some help. The older I am getting the worse my BPD gets. I'm talking to a therapist once a week for an hour each session. I feel like it's getting me no where. Where is Dr. Drew when you need him lol but anyway I feel like I'm annoying to be around and that I could drop dead and no one would give a crap. My bf is so patient and amazing to me but yet it's never good enough or enough for me. I still feel like him being with me is ruining his life. Because we get into arguments because of me. I get pissed about the smallest things. As in he doesn't respond the way that I need him to respond to calm my insecurities and my anxiety and so then I throw a fit and leave the room. It's not right of me to do that. Idk what I'm looking for. And I basically have pushed so many people out of my life that I have no one besides him and my parents. I have a lot of acquaintances but I don't want to be around them because I'm not comfortable being myself so it's exhausting pretending to be happy and that everything is okay. My job is extremely stressful and I dread going in every day. I work in IT as a system admin. I make a good amount of money to be independent. But to what avail? My job makes me want to shoot myself. I go to the gym and that's all I really have. Any hobbies I had are gone because I dont have any desire to do them because I'm so far gone depressed. They have me on welbutrin and it doesn't do anything for me. I just feel completely useless to the world and to the small amount of people in it. And I'm sick of living in my head. I'm self destructive, anxious, depressed, hate people, hate myself, think im ugly and fat, feel annoying, feel irritable, etc. I don't have the balls to follow through on a suicide but I feel like I have no other options. Idk how to get better. It's been 29 years. I've talked to so many therapists and people. I've read self help books articles. I tried to become super involved at church but that became too intense for me. All the happy people made me feel more shitty. I have horrible anxiety attacks that leave me throwing up until 3 or 4 am and I have to call off work the next day or go in and die at my desk...So idk what to do anymore... Any thoughts??",1.027014252209998,2.869906751037348,3.1363557640267032,91.2393992422876,81.0746887966805,6.100018040772145,22.096518130976005,7.1686216300943375,0.6342058812917188,1762,56,394,23,46,598,217,482,0.28,0.623,0.097,-0.9987,3,0,0,1,0,1,52.0,1,1,3,4,19,30,8,3,20,2,37,10,4,5,3,67,79,39,3,8,12,1,8,4,1,1,7,0,1,3,21,26,1,0,10,5,1,9,12,16,0,2,6,9,63,14,57,65,11,51,1,4,1,0,26,25,2,6,18,259,84,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304405100105316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332807112410756,0.0,0.11436586347897587,0.08444531703034618,0.07413111853495871,0.0,0.0,0.061512220766537826,0.13308526763108927,0.0,0.08503800367186674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22783208598939106,0.08255461625282004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661095910481402,0.0,0.0,0.09414399794237373,0.0,0.07632728844188298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837311175776374,0.0,0.0,0.05968115206663228,0.0,0.0,0.0964140975020977,0.0,0.1287627491132593,0.0,0.07757786596722557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760550314932479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620560253664913,0.15447180614909609,0.08336511463429633,0.0,0.0,0.06297942307503646,0.0,0.06717975915008484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023635230641488,0.21360336745052005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343202242289257,0.07170624177559436,0.1274450751617004,0.1253921613698857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401345790007467,0.0,0.15914382208334155,0.0,0.1475987149582862,0.07671424211377154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020562331486556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361290277952882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074196067903865,0.0,0.14835408970412245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829721513161935,0.0,0.0,0.1583927070631448,0.14607472932022242,0.0,0.06600491114931907,0.0,0.06277050010746846,0.0,0.0,0.06354909493522137,0.0,0.0707294983431382,0.0997913399720383,0.15156790849048685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627674913343235,0.057651189505437,0.0,0.07949661989931928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960545613499058,0.10130398194294993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300013821482853,0.0,0.0,0.2591084098547059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476942602070963,0.0,0.04788625019006229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383540652089291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595943105403495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059694805941474874,0.0,0.08562495355872997,0.0,0.0,0.08176349013611804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201611475268128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735791599402642,0.049660045590744495,0.04789626772670465,0.0,0.05934251350757847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074979865777565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817802712565039,0.059332433945667264,0.059959297694066965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883661255223943,0.0,0.07617581858752043,0.05309968547647101,0.0,0.0,0.04813603265135203 bpd,alpacalicious,2018/01/14,"Why do I keep thinking about people that hurted me I had a weird experience with my ex therapist. Basically I got obsessed with him but he wasn't good for me. He didn't see that I had bpd he kept giving me labels and discarded my point of view. I'm sure he was and is a sociopath (i spotted it by non verbal signs and his ways of behavior). He told me I was crazy and gaslighted me. Last session (like the 8 session I kept seeing him because he was my obsession) he wanted me to pay him and sign a contract and I said ""no because you treated me badly I want to end therapy but I want to know why you did the things you did"". At that point he said ""if u don't pay me we have finished here"" and ""you are crazy I'm going to call the hospital or the police if you don't leave my house I give you x minutes"". Then at one point he grabbed me by a wrist and made me go away. I sat there outside his house because he broke my heart. I wanted him to be honest and to tell me his intentions. But he approached me and said go away I'm going to call the police. I left and he said ""you know you are supposed to greet someone when you leave"". Wtf. After 2 days I was put in a mental health hospital. I think this abandonment triggered me. For some reasons he knew I was recovered. In the hospital I texted him and he said ""think about your well being and you can contact me when you get dismissed"". When I got dismissed I said to myself no more contact with him. I am lucky since he lives very far away so I don't see him. At first I was doing a good job forgetting him. But now I feel heart broken. I trusted him and had a strong transference. He is the one in fault here. He's a therapist but I think he has some issues also he's a sociopath. I want to pay him because I don't want to have this debt forever. Also these days I keep thinking about texting him. I fantasize about getting drunk and send him a text saying ""I want to die"" only because I can hear from him. I fantasize about being in a relationship with him. He was abusive and I don't know why he got rid of me. He said that he wasn't able to handle his counter transference. But I want him to give me an explanation! He's a coward he's not giving me an explanation and he has 35 fuckin years old while I'm 23! I said to him he's immature. I want to wait until I get worse and then text him. I feel like I'm the crazy one here. Why do I keep thinking about him after his treatment? When I was in therapy I thought I loved him he filled my void. But it was more an idealization, an obsession.",0.6988087191618781,2.693854399628254,2.7665447786414354,92.65032071645828,83.07063197026022,5.920162216965193,21.67772896248733,7.13173024886023,0.5636984386617101,1969,64,446,27,55,663,206,538,0.157,0.7440000000000001,0.099,-0.9893,2,0,0,0,0,1,55.0,1,12,0,3,19,23,1,3,24,0,39,7,3,4,1,75,102,39,1,12,11,1,3,2,0,0,1,10,0,0,10,23,1,7,14,1,4,8,11,10,1,4,35,17,104,13,48,64,4,44,0,3,4,2,89,16,1,6,21,280,114,8,0.06195479872439112,0.07340630556474448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909046031248664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462571848648098,0.0,0.051729669081195036,0.1888353512936865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802990016282453,0.0,0.1265255529187286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991143956922793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429929967466354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054873562511298206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060368134626092,0.0,0.0,0.062652415536934,0.04426052058785915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526987201453435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710647573043107,0.2377307532754609,0.14084135945587345,0.10392949148900643,0.14865273665540638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585505390702831,0.06982756090000795,0.14683346957825796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297503903488676,0.06632389341408605,0.0,0.0,0.06466471350622231,0.06148057795168836,0.16520481527186534,0.0,0.0,0.1021462113628901,0.050501429957212525,0.0,0.13120237256478234,0.06731407009134548,0.0,0.0,0.060535970397950924,0.0,0.05470722233816802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591662472560202,0.058623128557382616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243586519001116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501113934233563,0.0,0.12594652505532294,0.047119416220052376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295165659883416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570193106567206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228168474824335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369985164583056,0.0,0.06651626789382979,0.0,0.0,0.4714656087443825,0.04926894262917392,0.0,0.0,0.14810985980552546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051249649728040976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249409990825561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839166459281288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415122485341019,0.0,0.141701423511179,0.14386859296942522,0.041160015340531916,0.2381888003847681,0.0,0.049185189768993824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920046519572687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111919737903869,0.32888290933017633,0.04917683546891303,0.0,0.0,0.05570480452543923,0.0,0.2236182775850652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313723284668682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03989685911064207 bpd,mnesahakyan,2018/01/14,"I feel like everything is falling apart...again Last year I went through a lot. For the first time in my life I stepped into a relationship, knowing well I wasn't ready for it. The relationship was emotionally abusive to the point where my eating disorder came back into my life. I rapidly lost 10kg and spent my entire summer torturing myself with hunger and self harm. Things got worse in September-October. I was constantly splitting on everyone around me, I couldn't control anger outbursts. I attempted to jump off of a bridge and was stopped by the police on the look out. I was extremly dependent on the person who I was with and he used that against me, then just in a day I went completely numb. I felt nothing towards him so I broke up with him right away. It hurt his ego and he kept harassing, manipulating and trying to blackmail me. At the same time I went numb towards my best friend of 7 years as well. We went through several huge arguments before and I was really hurt. I felt lonely, really lonely. I came up with a plan to kill myself right after my 20th birthday. I got a diary. I started a countdown. I wrote down everything I wanted people to know after my death. 3 days before my birthday I backed away from my plan. I thought that it's not worth it after all. I still felt empty, really empty, but there were this moments when I felt alive. I thought I can give things a chance. That was less than a month ago. Now, all of a sudden I have this fear that this one person in my life will abandon me and this is the person I feel alive with. I hate how I can't take this. I feel like I'm going crazy, but I don't want to be clingy. Is this how my whole life is going to be? I can't even access therapy anymore. I can't take this. I don't know what to do. I don't want to die, but sometimes I feel like I dont have a choice.",2.1836658823529405,4.110923389333337,3.595203921568629,88.93134705882356,77.77333333333333,6.865098039215687,23.296078431372557,7.827709963407826,1.087304313725491,1441,46,305,23,34,473,189,375,0.18600000000000005,0.721,0.094,-0.9741,0,4,0,0,0,2,44.0,1,0,0,7,15,23,5,1,19,0,28,8,0,6,2,56,66,17,3,4,5,0,8,3,1,1,6,0,0,4,19,20,2,4,13,0,2,11,10,16,2,2,27,9,60,7,49,35,7,61,0,7,1,0,16,25,0,2,28,211,79,0,0.0,0.09681242756421343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243056509848557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103389420154221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273880193724523,0.0,0.0,0.1535375795649245,0.12565916437413047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905757758077034,0.0,0.08574910689809158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186907861111038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567088386005302,0.08829897021635913,0.091644181779388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053917697577678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480158815093321,0.0,0.09364619625594944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957629564206226,0.0,0.0,0.08360924433083244,0.0,0.09191221941820672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053968371577924494,0.0,0.0,0.07807695407684011,0.14687050736691262,0.0,0.0,0.09194593382034592,0.16525916661321732,0.17511990599719568,0.3138158365029526,0.0,0.0,0.06950208142947539,0.0,0.0,0.06312857742098997,0.0,0.0,0.07838322319247812,0.09287481371978892,0.0,0.13070114516688544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067124096187099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494347597331422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039948470755714,0.0,0.1347162564911607,0.06660416965555616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23085541978609944,0.11975744190010837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861542312069373,0.0,0.08919560030848372,0.06946651739992336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521976443217084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840249431579634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536848975972705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05664709742911684,0.21403682035346408,0.0,0.0,0.07724191331758204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570356447453373,0.0,0.0,0.17545090487174764,0.0,0.13955897821471755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524085623910804,0.0923085071598613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081281093418201,0.0,0.057834423354998186,0.0,0.0652533333455895,0.06831282279550803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287078998000173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344196451435803,0.0,0.10856835725597334,0.0,0.0,0.1297364738658029,0.09529096388941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547540488336774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057079610367425,0.0,0.0,0.1445831871057843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693335433810092,0.3029821984073037,0.0,0.09122576822983172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326898805966387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052365121217529 bpd,lorazepamlover,2018/01/14,"Complete inability to accept yourself I have an incredibly powerful, invisible barriers against accepting myself. My default mode of functioning is a constant berating and pessimistic narrative, in which I ridicule myself for awkwardness and stupidity, constantly find and obsess over physical imperfections and feel a deep resentment towards myself. Most of all I have grudges against my physique. Right off the bat, I could recite you at least 100 ugly things about my body. There is just so much. I refuse to accept and love myself. It's sort of detached perception where even if I rationally know that I look OK in certain clothes and makeup, I do not feel emotional connection/acceptance of my body, I feel like I was a soul trapped inside a mishapen, awkward manequin. I legitimately think I'm 1-2 out of ten on the scale of attractiveness and constantly dream about plastic surgery. Part of this mindset is that I don't identify emotionally with my achievements and do not feel any joy and pride from them. I'm an aspiring academic and just last month I graduated my masters, got an article accepted for publishment, performed at a large conference and passed a hard state examination. None of this made me feel even remotely good about myself. On the other hand, I completely identify emotionally with my misfortunes, which trigger fury with myself and punishing my body in a number of physical ways. I am literally covered in self-inflicted scars. What should I do? I attented therapy for a year, read DBT books, meditated... nothing helps.",8.143071161048692,9.864071715355806,8.093876404494381,63.45332397003745,62.183520599250926,12.6749063670412,41.799625468164784,12.161744961471696,6.036931086142324,1256,72,190,45,18,405,170,267,0.159,0.7040000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.6537,1,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,1,5,10,19,4,3,14,1,13,5,4,2,2,46,26,14,0,3,5,0,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,16,0,2,15,3,0,1,4,7,0,1,3,8,34,12,35,21,6,24,1,0,1,1,5,15,0,3,7,135,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534467331229979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41820843593153106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26316986464115083,0.4068645085607826,0.0,0.10020197207142073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235136592498017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578385097866702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172842288180029,0.08965761349471799,0.0,0.0,0.11470522330678135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526390172170624,0.1003742494888956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242383633526504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412036900347701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897181669417524,0.10229969344907204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131322637397945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538884858749656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326914055666125,0.11875164892413673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001733366354668,0.0,0.09225733989635587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204211564475153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359048588872499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255345059284153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717677859557516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092443772954895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352080920057642,0.0,0.08337698467673113,0.08041568091243059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961649001874984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081823544516481 bpd,xxbabybearattackxx,2018/01/14,"Is it normal to not be able to get over things said to you? Like someone's mad and says something mean, later apologizes and says they didn't mean it. Is it normal to hold on to it for a long time? Is it normal for them to expect you to believe they didn't mean it? ",1.0986206896551742,2.5321771379310363,2.768482758620692,95.8747931034483,79.3448275862069,5.329655172413793,18.49655172413793,5.6839178017228535,-0.4699627586206896,206,4,49,1,5,68,34,58,0.054000000000000006,0.8540000000000001,0.093,0.327,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,11,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,5,1,11,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,33,12,0,0.18761531878880394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137821709289603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802126053043213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165936794440598,0.0,0.0,0.16603365321831395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6131042504292082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5514695337272054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784651316438526,0.2983984636567182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896585077503195,0.1444354384587805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246432812060088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940000114817873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,callmekayokay,2018/01/14,"Miserable. I want to get everything out but I can never find the words to describe how I feel. Just wondering if anyone here has trouble expressing thoughts beyond surface level. Like you're basically so reserved on the outside but there's a storm made of scary and beautiful things on the inside. This doesn't make much sense but it's the best way I know how to put it. I feel like there is so much more to me than the mask I put on to survive in public but I physically can't ""just be"" hard as I try. Anyone else feel this way? If you know any tips to be more expressive I'd be very appreciative. ",1.914234972677594,4.085443237704919,3.4635245901639347,88.33878415300549,79.7377049180328,7.017486338797814,23.281420765027317,8.07648339933343,1.2729814207650274,473,16,100,9,12,156,79,122,0.075,0.732,0.193,0.9488,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,10,5,0,1,6,0,8,0,0,4,1,25,19,12,0,3,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,8,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,4,10,3,15,14,5,13,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,3,3,66,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300160727092589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673696376906029,0.1958972257017065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064259797980669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971510086227786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182966231783306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29001493189305405,0.13658650672212372,0.0,0.0,0.17474462171779084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988912710435137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126910341237514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21014655950196687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681200803494533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090904120479892,0.1276211203089566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28109398153144544,0.0,0.14745787347658462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843984498846854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701844979054294,0.0,0.0,0.15178387338838467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980577597162452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775215708504078,0.11276909009902344,0.3035161845877581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073379041458266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SadElvenMermaid,2018/01/14,"My skill level at things like guitar varies depending on my state of mind and not only skill level, but my perception in a way. i get stuck in modes where im sortof seeing things note by note instead of the overall feel of the song. i think it has to do with detachment, but i wish i just had a consistent state of mind and feeling. maybe id get bored of feeling all the time? sometimes i think thats why i detach, out of fearing the realness but also feeling ill get bored of the same feelings. yet when im not feeling, its like i forget how to feel. and so when i try to do something i would feel emotionally, such as playing a song on guitar, i end up feeling almost nothing or actually, ironically, the same detached feel that i felt before--so by avoiding feeling the same things i end up feeling the same things, but not the non-detached same things, the detached same things. i hope this makes sense and i dont sound silly or nonsensical. sometimes i think im the only one that experiences these types of things, and maybe its not a bpd thing (and im not diagnosed so yeah, not searching for one dont worry, i just relate to like 90% of bpd symptoms full disclosure)",4.948333333333334,5.4953210982905984,5.6222051282051275,82.53946153846154,68.78632478632478,8.291282051282051,30.129914529914533,8.238735603445708,2.024901196581197,923,34,185,12,15,300,114,234,0.11,0.738,0.153,0.8125,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,12,10,0,2,15,1,7,3,0,3,1,59,31,19,0,3,14,0,13,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,16,8,0,1,17,5,0,0,8,4,0,2,3,17,19,6,26,27,8,21,0,0,1,0,0,12,0,6,9,123,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.08166458542722828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837985388985716,0.0,0.0,0.06692294386502462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107969066617464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493861447239555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615662680617546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413447327249544,0.14824031827228373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186008525865293,0.0,0.09416900282152778,0.5077644093807575,0.059784651830198626,0.0803508191314584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116603159868667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311818624393172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615770717399081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265293760815303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586045376629449,0.0,0.1681458610532918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899618918393544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029811000522245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341437846713585,0.12729257838556765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952519642728117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668618958450713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442487810751632,0.16553340652879664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698086087111266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447732929981536,0.1608660981809842,0.0,0.0,0.04879745451768033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681668935131597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642533679159636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551278594743299,0.0,0.09623373448177873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849862807510699,0.0,0.0594474936681743,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CasualMisanthrope,2018/01/14,"Can someone please talk to me? I've been practically snowed in all weekend. My live-in bf has been disappearing to hang out with his friends for the past two days, like at least 12 hour days, and I text my friends/family but I don't get any responses. I'm so upset and isolated. 4 years ago today something traumatic happened to me that I didn't tell anyone about. And I was alone then and now Im alone all over again. EDIT: I just want to say you guys are all awesome here. Thank you so much for reaching out. I cant describe how much these little gestures can help.",1.5124712643678144,3.745456224137932,2.7265517241379307,92.73195402298849,81.58620689655173,5.935632183908046,22.597701149425287,7.1686216300943375,0.6848873563218394,446,15,97,6,12,143,86,116,0.141,0.69,0.16899999999999998,0.1544,1,2,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,8,4,0,1,1,0,10,0,0,1,3,14,15,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,1,13,3,13,11,6,19,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,12,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086460457758054,0.0,0.0,0.3992695895048879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107918688694506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477793159124368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24862049662192856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817111183946553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892109986876473,0.0,0.10070589956185204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19085655662982692,0.17045153975898208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291988022410817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898236556788805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082071697223952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416976533622932,0.19318993563752568,0.1702051278245169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833924281065591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400530292947595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158577834603265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532855502357818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331966060510478,0.14839128450185712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492819487382034,0.16847530827019286,0.17746179237820134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827080546406384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829244443339935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136911793145401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241271209630742 bpd,FromTheDiningTable,2018/01/14,"Dilemma /: Two years ago I fell in love with a guy for the first time. I was head over heels for him. One day he ghosted me. I found out months later he actually had a girlfriend the whole time. No one knew about his girlfriend. Not even his friends, his friends actually thought him and I were together. He said he was depressed all the time. The whole time He told me he had depression and anxiety but I think maybe it was a lie for me to feel bad for him.. he gaslighted me and told people I’m crazy. He just really stabbed me in the back and broke my heart. It still hurts to this day. I still think about it every day. Well it’s been two years since we have talked, and one day he tells me he is sorry. And now he tries to chat with me. If he ever wants to be romantically involved again, I know it would be horrible, especially with my BPD, but I don’t know if I can resist it because I loved him so much... So basically, what do you do when your ex fp who completely destroyed you wants to be in your life again? Do you give them a chance, or ignore someone you love? ",1.4571083818142654,3.3906163484162946,2.717000646412412,94.32708898944195,80.08597285067873,6.200474035768154,21.383538030596853,7.2636822038024595,0.4005085541909073,827,24,193,11,21,266,123,221,0.192,0.7190000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.968,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,6,1,1,15,13,1,0,9,0,18,7,3,0,2,32,36,14,1,5,7,1,1,0,4,1,1,1,0,1,9,11,0,1,8,1,0,1,3,7,1,6,13,2,34,6,19,19,4,28,0,4,0,3,45,5,0,3,22,125,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.2182796717807308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913952914440377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555739501011032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599815817943282,0.0933818388182978,0.06817670652416362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085873135155225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172622507600475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885105318527738,0.0,0.19265548395909352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386935252611372,0.10116580253977517,0.0942301350005599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056549731258321724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951311593124416,0.0,0.12262693229180008,0.17281481740652185,0.0,0.0,0.10728724578576387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073931435467116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478024151211465,0.0,0.0,0.1325310951416157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972717464855405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229288235656713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899599287575527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30282025751181074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235844512645864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892697265018238,0.0,0.08221536565467233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273573040643385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753586567885598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164765251507578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638557685105893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251531307664768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476178107480562,0.0,0.0,0.1251958715070443,0.0,0.0,0.17863134808318176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898928618303099,0.0977532050927578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332528160929733,0.0,0.08878857229970635,0.2608595219122492,0.0,0.0,0.21373607823388396,0.0,0.07593210838206246,0.0,0.21850311629756214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193241529433078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005577103042079,0.0,0.0,0.2497310271111257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944802106195281,0.0,0.0,0.14404275662303329 bpd,FKArene,2018/01/14,"finding weird ways to hurt myself the other day my parents got on my nerves so i held my face over a gas stove and turned on the burner. before that, i brushed my teeth for ten minutes, and finished with completely shredded gums. before that, I went to the skate-park and kept dropping into the pool when i don't know how. somehow they all feel more normal/less fucked up than cutting myself, which ive never done.",5.742592592592594,6.182587703703708,5.2959012345679035,85.94755555555555,67.02469135802468,6.973827160493825,28.54567901234568,5.6839178017228535,1.1304301234567902,328,10,63,1,5,100,64,81,0.159,0.841,0.0,-0.8928,1,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,5,0,3,3,2,1,2,14,11,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,1,5,2,12,0,10,6,2,12,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,1,4,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401143589172186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27114657671954706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667813864913226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646467555364923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307604616636653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363639064365859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23907981846770546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683321152153006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27684624280910936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421247224658826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994551744547849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533818751623789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28715464831560195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812922895384679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527175700935024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397330989350557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IPreferItNotToBe,2018/01/14,"Addiction and relying on relationships and other self-destructive behaviors for purpose when there is none As I’m sure many of you here on r/bpd already know, romantic relationships are VERY difficult. I find it overwhelming how obsessive and reliant I am on someone for my own happiness when I am in a relationship. When I’m with someone, every moment and emotion is influenced by where my SO and I stand and how we interact. I feel as though I have no independence or self because my life exists just for that one person and every feeling has to do with them. Since I was dumped a few weeks ago, I have turned to obsessive behaviors such as masturbation (way too often.... waaaay too often...), cutting and ED behaviors and it never feels like enough. I think it just clicked in me that if I were to ever have some sort of relationship in the future it would set me back.... it’s just like the other things I have gotten addicted to. It’s weird because I can be deep into one or many self destructive behaviors but when that’s done it’s done and I don’t have that problem for a while. I’ll do the shit out of something until I don’t do it at all anymore. I’m scared it’s the same with dating. I have had periods in my life where I wasn’t really addicted to anything or anyone and it was really great but it seems relationships are another form of addiction for me, and when the relationship isn’t going well is when I start rolling into obsessive patterns of harmful ineffective coping skills and behaviors. It just clicked that I really shouldn’t ever date unless I want to half the progress I have made and will make when I am single. Even when I’m doing well, I fuck up somehow. I got dumped because when I was drunk I called and told him how dating him has made me confused and feeling weird because I felt so happy and stable before the relationship.... i suck I know. I honestly don’t ever want to get this bad again... I had a taste of stability and happiness and passion for a few months when I was single and an unexpected fling has me feeling empty as fuck again. I am sick of being caught up in behaviors that make me feel this way. I just want to love myself and be happy again. ",5.274780730897007,6.024445644186053,6.3430066445182725,76.93912790697675,68.13953488372093,9.956810631229237,30.47342192691029,10.041961382958581,2.973551495016612,1737,65,332,41,28,581,193,430,0.14400000000000002,0.705,0.151,0.877,0,1,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,1,1,3,41,34,8,6,13,0,44,14,1,9,6,80,78,50,0,7,12,0,7,2,0,3,7,0,0,3,23,28,2,0,12,1,0,2,9,21,2,3,17,10,49,13,45,55,11,53,0,1,2,4,19,17,4,11,32,259,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085698188514387,0.0,0.0,0.06272740612906516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808907400372518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420150219071846,0.0,0.0,0.07017819044885673,0.04947935280721449,0.0,0.058232176030778376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054412618670152055,0.05908440940951268,0.17254663182651195,0.0,0.06021436621661365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912391378663771,0.0,0.0722572529671634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448308725497438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959920108079,0.0,0.0731174171194919,0.0,0.04673849993424322,0.19202839988402853,0.11924228405739633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146803393001874,0.05055332395392972,0.06794387631549972,0.0,0.06467638482678538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308390826387347,0.03697090966866057,0.0,0.04021642072957045,0.0,0.056595884646691415,0.0780168008673362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30131544419249306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777793308816348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996443942090176,0.06914275932020024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386665151288506,0.13391591286285764,0.09447011997265037,0.143485782464812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648260020636341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457702833402881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590210263274622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061787794230377224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677109324175489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599836824807998,0.0,0.0,0.5318131996793259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070846419681926,0.0,0.0,0.06442026120635047,0.22146470074461366,0.0,0.07263752247236821,0.05853614261233429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991504858440068,0.05447705446059944,0.0,0.0,0.05008663617488629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669358374377987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047011999900186285,0.045342272782906985,0.06952459437264827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761737673921203,0.0,0.0,0.07697016283608632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058387143012418326,0.1252141038066922,0.1123372459912275,0.0567620601970224,0.0,0.12724943094037253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502682262697124,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Coldlonelyhomosexual,2018/01/14,"How can I help my friend with BPD? My friend has BPD(well, obviously, it’s in the title) and recently some stressful stuff going on in his life. He’s expressed to me that there’s a disconnect between his logic and emotions, so much so that he feels an emotion even when he knows it’s not rational. I realize that that’s probably an obvious component in BPD. I want to know how I can help him more with his BPD in general, and especially in his logical/emotional disconnect. Thanks!",3.77959677419355,5.868923881720432,5.311491935483872,77.68723790322579,73.6236559139785,10.241397849462368,32.05510752688172,10.411451182825502,3.891710752688173,383,19,72,13,8,129,59,93,0.035,0.7929999999999999,0.172,0.8999,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,2,2,18,9,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,3,11,9,3,9,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,1,2,51,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7055873297419345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472635671117205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925062981516265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081700490507706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164153126748362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959759538356982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877544498990273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394327979488714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989263695950908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295797739945664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100508639725574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828934688820713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043476923978325,0.0,0.1603317056321201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894562731275064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260922106205754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592802309398193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThePansexualPot,2018/01/14,"No hopes of getting better. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm always filled with a mix of rage and anxiety that just gets progressively worse as the day goes one. My days meld together, I lock myself away from everyone and everything. I try to put on a happy face but inside I'm holding back screams. I've tried to convey to my SO what is going on but it seems as if she doesn't have the capability to fully grasp what exactly I'm dealing with. I hate the fact that my brain jumps to things like, ""if she really loved me she'd understand."" I men, cmon. How unrealistic is that?! I kinda live on the middle of nowhere and finding a professional to treat me let alone for bpd would be almost impossible. That's before the worry of will my insurance cover it. I'm so tempted to get drunk and just flip out, so they're forced to hospitalize me. I've gone through many hospitals and inpatient centers and I've never gotten help. They're essentially babysitters that are there to make sure you don't kill yourself whilst never actually helping you with any problems. I have about a 10 inch scar on my forearm, I got that after an attempt a few years ago. Somehow I pulled through. After that I went to a facility. While there we had classes on things like strokes...never about coping mechanisms, never any therapy, never saw our doctors. You know it's bad when the ""crazies"" set up their own therapy session. But that's what we did. Man I've never seen so many grow men cry. We were there for each other when no one else was. We talked about what we've been through, the things we've done to those we love and ourselves. It was good to get it all out as not even the professionals who were supposed to help would listen. At what point do I just accept that I got messed up and no one cares? Do I even deserve to get better?",2.887246900826444,4.867385881542703,4.112299414600553,85.78390366735539,75.85950413223141,7.071935261707988,24.842372589531678,7.972316293177498,1.377074449035812,1437,49,291,23,32,470,201,363,0.147,0.726,0.127,-0.626,0,2,0,0,0,0,42.0,6,3,1,4,20,20,3,0,15,0,25,7,3,2,9,54,53,24,1,6,9,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,0,3,26,19,1,1,7,1,0,8,12,7,0,3,15,4,35,13,47,32,4,40,0,0,2,2,25,15,0,7,18,194,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.09685582973539712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798108661720534,0.0,0.0993867411825368,0.10279534613002816,0.0,0.0,0.08258578118930048,0.0,0.0,0.13498979877926526,0.0,0.07592766120729429,0.0,0.09843151237300518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325070892605893,0.07631881519917327,0.08287144109368944,0.0,0.0,0.08445631178824199,0.0,0.0,0.17556101021625978,0.0,0.0,0.12500467120213402,0.11079827968727507,0.0,0.0,0.10119423254246404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902388099267496,0.1280189159257658,0.1023246598787126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158883220524262,0.0,0.10156946005726973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291247719665036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111028384027276,0.0,0.0,0.09483973030034612,0.08920147739142391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071471254247307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592758896472304,0.0,0.05640731243313475,0.0832480362314868,0.15876210213547146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056558123097562,0.0,0.0979909990890326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957997220513773,0.0,0.0,0.09857982934268493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098078536787864,0.0,0.10909282671828167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149209887187437,0.0,0.09697922283262407,0.0,0.08764151083744236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915797082839624,0.0,0.06625161409472267,0.2012523047645147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827470760775599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176757782259444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938254099886202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497095093813804,0.0,0.09977587447405624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358350071106969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035547507635132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093544023741394,0.0,0.0,0.07977515861953642,0.0,0.0,0.22700708084884055,0.0,0.19781625403524306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477145720267658,0.0,0.0,0.10332504034334214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200778361075374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079542674719558,0.10114647098283518,0.14101183015376045,0.0,0.0,0.06391516258148118 bpd,emptyemptyempty0,2018/01/14,"Need advice on how to be less emotionally dependent on my FP I (22M) met this amazing person (18F) in college and we got really close very quickly, however, our relationship has always remained as friends even today. However, I eventually got very emotionally dependent on her and I feel very distressed and anxious whenever she's not physically around. I feel like my preoccupied-insecure attachment style may drive her away and I'm very terrified of that. She has a bunch of other friends and I know I can't be so selfish, but the anxiety is making it really hard. 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In the beginning everything was perfect and going smoothly then she told me about her BPD and I am totally okay with it and willing to support her. She had some insecurities regarding our relationship like she think it would leave her again or her parents won't be agree for our marriage because of religious conflict. Everytime I had assured her that I won't leave her again and I always be with her no matter what happened but, it's been a month I have observed that something has been changed in her like she has stopped expressing her emotions or feeling to me and we barely talked now or we only talk when she want to talk. she might be online but won't respond to my texts or calls and when I ask is everything Okay or is there anything she wants to talk about and she just told me she that everything is alright and i don't need worry about it. Whenever i express my love emotions to her she just told me that she is not in mood or simply changes the love topic between us. I love her and don't want to loose her again. I know she is going through a lot want to help her and make her happy but I am bit frustrated right now I dont know how to deal with this Please help me with advise or suggestions. Thanks again! 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I have had my diagnosis for about eight months and have made huge improvements with other aspects in my life... but my mindfulness techniques do not seem to work. Anyone have any advice? I'm tired of going from loving the person to hating the person and then eventually cutting them off after like a month. 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(Splitting?) My emotions seem so far away. I feel like I’m mostly just performing emotions. Which is why I am so extreme, cause I’m faking it. Idk maybe I just don’t wanna know admit I feel so extremely. Splitting?! Anything helps. I just want to feel like my brain is my own. ",-0.5487445887445901,1.5259263333333344,1.2531601731601754,96.27896103896109,103.12698412698411,3.560750360750361,18.425685425685426,5.565023196281405,-0.25136825396825424,241,8,50,2,11,78,39,63,0.065,0.713,0.222,0.8440000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,1,16,16,3,0,2,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,9,3,3,16,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581896356573378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806072402413488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21459323739485028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747406687928706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4324677343649328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269666837086873,0.17388383698993976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485988545787538,0.4119893386765791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288483072587919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564506474336596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817428950128296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931217572176208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499977407330447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338275394844426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734584702021819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,faithlessMia,2018/01/15,"Shattered Glass [poem] Shattered Glass ×××× Mirror, mirror, on the wall Two figures stare; one tall, one small A looming figure above my head That's telling me I should be dead ×××× A stricken panic, I just can't cope It holds me in its grasp, I weep This demon hangs me with theoretical rope Inside my mind it rots me, deep ×××× Mirror, mirror, shattered glass Sadness, lustre, happiness and hate This mental state I cannot grasp It's exhausting carting all this weight ×××× A kaleidoscopic mindset A shattered, fragile mind A carousel of feelings The right one, I just can't find ×××× Mirror, mirror, I need your help Give me insights, what is my identity? *By, me. The tempo changes to reflect a bpd mood swing*",2.396893939393941,5.332110962121213,2.735151515151518,88.51439393939395,87.1060606060606,4.448484848484847,24.0,6.139981653823899,0.7932545454545452,565,22,99,5,18,173,87,132,0.243,0.6990000000000001,0.058,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,1,0,0,2,7,1,1,9,0,6,3,1,0,1,18,10,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,2,1,1,8,0,0,1,3,5,0,4,0,4,16,1,6,8,1,9,1,2,1,0,4,7,0,0,0,54,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260305951154406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863980534593447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450350817078592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889015770769362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982660804412537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22001447188969506,0.0,0.20405349637850745,0.21211308417917385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853310172764546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828460936795093,0.0,0.4173753255078226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325044004941735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201547090372609,0.0,0.0,0.2424941933632536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765034051551585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064723986868164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189611596062385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516802954830881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,exit-thevoid,2018/01/15,"DAE lose their temper in public? This is the most embarrassing part of BPD for me. I lose it in grocery stores, at work, around family, anywhere. Today I lost it at Kroger and a woman laughed at me. She made it worse. These tantrums really are uncontrollable. Why would I choose to make a fool of myself? I'm more likely to lose my temper in public, too. Being around a lot of people stresses me out. I'm scared someone will record me some day, post it all over the internet. ""Crazy girl fights with her boyfriend."" On the bright side, I resisted the urge to cuss out that lady and I resisted the urge to smash all the groceries we bought. So there's that. ",1.9446316964285728,4.436554914062501,2.725714285714286,91.805,81.890625,5.8446428571428575,19.299107142857142,7.1686216300943375,0.3467325892857138,511,13,105,7,14,160,88,128,0.282,0.6779999999999999,0.04,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,1,0,1,5,5,16,4,4,9,0,5,0,0,2,2,17,11,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,13,0,0,3,1,15,3,21,5,7,16,0,4,1,0,9,13,0,3,3,70,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217605438760113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276121506143627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655028765311215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036795764165358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829129848335719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6065427231814752,0.19727864703741896,0.1536427864116829,0.0,0.1710028635028964,0.1206328709219886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570355649144291,0.0,0.12528939432845662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308104920063486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157746922675748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809335481578523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312457083439607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701563829578387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713026609973293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307286364460025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156725861462154,0.0,0.18417044392068552,0.12837922621093514,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bebblebr0x,2018/01/15,"Allowing yourself to live I'm fairly stable, only incredibly tiny little swings But I'm questioning myself, ALL the time. Are they really little swings, or is that just a part of life? Am I starting to get manic, or am I actually interested and enthusiastic about something else? Can I have a couple drinks over a few hours and not feel like I'm going to ruin my meds? Is it normal to have all these questions, or am I just worried all the time that I'm slipping? Like I said, I'm stable, my meds are all levelled out with no changes for years. I'm in a stable relationship, stable family, etc etc. I just.can't.stop. the questioning I feel like I'm not really living my life, I'm just clinically observing myself to see if I'm doing ok Anyone else?",4.252022263450833,5.704580782312927,6.157872603586887,74.71580705009278,71.10884353741497,8.88286951144094,26.28880643166357,9.339509955726095,2.34457006802721,593,19,108,13,11,206,82,147,0.103,0.759,0.138,0.7303,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,7,1,11,4,0,1,4,25,27,7,0,2,10,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,4,1,0,5,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,4,13,5,12,26,8,12,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,7,8,68,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.12787899250918874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162826068914684,0.13426896352118947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862603993042172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499650503218595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283721788191777,0.0,0.0,0.21893909905711811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29229500402338354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353560801688117,0.0,0.13251848146892706,0.18723418489330626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846452018549834,0.0,0.07447471467444483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905088542434134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851189879259552,0.19206286308279547,0.2626788759275596,0.2314266087749876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29111829832409325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839424433447846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966405016743016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419067187099127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403942027717741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789890775500346,0.0,0.0,0.140691060970736,0.0,0.0,0.12465183105908688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442424575757704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008832465360144,0.0,0.0,0.0927528574263358,0.0,0.0,0.1095577537662906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282436782329764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308045222655754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438734786857903 bpd,mortalmarch,2018/01/15,"Why do people suffering from BPD tend to overshare personal information before they know they can trust the other person? I told my therapist that I’ve been in positions in the past where I’ve overshared very personal information with people who I’m just starting to become friends with or in the very early stages of dating (I.e first or second date). This can later give me anxiety or put me in a position where I’m scared to do anything what might annoy the other person (unintentionally) in case they tell my secrets. It can also be a case that I’ll have paranoid thoughts that I’ve already upset the other person if I perceive that they’re acting differently towards me. Me therapist has asked me to really think about why I do this. Why do I put myself in this position. I really have no idea why I do it so I’m wondering if other people who also do this, know why ?",7.4398948060486525,6.943162443786981,8.351084812623277,68.6347271531887,63.615384615384606,11.29809335963182,33.5706771860618,10.746095033038511,3.6546444444444446,699,25,122,16,9,238,90,169,0.107,0.855,0.038,-0.8637,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,7,6,1,2,7,0,15,0,0,0,0,19,28,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,17,2,0,0,10,0,0,3,1,4,0,2,3,0,17,2,16,23,0,20,0,1,0,0,18,9,0,7,7,86,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319929654857448,0.17855951582672594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540552868631585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187153535899807,0.0,0.1043698380334647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232993907813086,0.09499879022321564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060870389685726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664172431303126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496229933907073,0.0,0.0,0.08625403358581116,0.0,0.0,0.10709680848217848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602979248219798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271062210545748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843410925595987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657455251695504,0.2321947132566862,0.4874057530831655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446131420620175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430409526017102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177273106583377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902050859171422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757969092843796,0.0,0.0,0.25924903590397114,0.0,0.07153543798587281,0.0,0.08863097056266747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667834591473664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842320462467721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036959568266844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107056743671295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lost_duck,2018/01/15,"How to access wise mind Hey r/bpd, Do any of you ever have trouble accessing your wise mind? I was thinking about some difficult stuff in my life and I guess it freaked me out. Now I feel like I'm locked out of my own mind, and the thing I need to open the door is on the inside... I forgot the key. It's like a labyrinth in my head. Do you ever get this? Any tricks to get back into myself? I don't think it was supposed to be difficult. I want to feel that I am doing the right thing and avoiding harmful behavior, but I don't feel like I can trust myself right now because I am not inside of myself. Maybe this is just a passing anxiety mindfuck attack but if you have any tricks to get back inside I'd love to hear it! Thanks! Edit: I was in panic and I didn't realize! I feel better now.",0.5690497737556584,2.4808835798816595,2.6006682909850305,94.123404107205,83.02366863905327,5.3965889314305615,19.40863209189001,6.522977012572876,0.012549321266968505,611,16,139,6,17,205,92,169,0.142,0.7040000000000001,0.154,0.7275,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,0,1,10,19,3,2,7,0,17,3,1,1,2,32,34,8,0,3,5,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,10,8,0,2,7,0,0,1,4,10,0,0,5,5,25,9,18,28,2,18,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,3,10,96,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28581357936460816,0.0,0.107174304126125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938128022760228,0.0,0.21545286080577813,0.0,0.08540221541895751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390496956199915,0.0,0.0,0.1764480616889686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534526556653608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283350286455721,0.2001715509253764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958568938736936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433333511336922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378058740610072,0.0,0.15790021193881812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895509983924748,0.20533387746665616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644358160697133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407469005770759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243760094000319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388061809490244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643743840662162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392852225084696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037826924370027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289830757642686,0.0,0.0,0.1861492815131183,0.17953780989173596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263321247203669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fallingon72,2018/01/15,"I tried to kill myself last summer And after being thrown from hospital to hospital where they said they couldn't help I started weekly therapy. It was a cycle of pretending I was fine every week bc she would just send me to hospital if I said I wasn't and they always did nothing at the hospital. They just throw you around like youre not even a human being. Its been a year now and i'm no better. Everyday gets worse. I'm with somebody lovely but still crazy about my ex. The system is crap here and makes me worse and I want to just give up. I'm starting to believe i'll never get better I tried so hard, I even started college/university and I'm not enjoying any of it I just want to die is there a chance it wont ever get better is there a point ",1.2147151898734163,3.308278367088608,3.2726424050632907,89.18782436708864,81.78481012658227,6.228481012658229,20.00158227848101,7.413659706084162,0.6047075949367087,594,16,125,9,16,201,96,158,0.18,0.688,0.132,-0.9008,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,2,4,3,16,9,2,0,7,0,13,2,1,1,2,23,30,9,2,5,8,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,4,8,0,0,0,1,0,2,7,2,0,0,7,3,20,7,15,18,0,22,0,0,0,1,15,5,1,1,15,85,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269942931353993,0.0,0.0,0.10027858933367637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312716225099535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613813758328916,0.0,0.3912520191678183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304131730954168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479330185741345,0.1333869868753178,0.12424231771044715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23112698023565176,0.14145810230574862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209616110342215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988400518803237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314383404146268,0.0,0.0,0.12020045950380405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204203390386542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330893796792228,0.0,0.09843141426355508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137310736299652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149288087727024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393983818391743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280538505837011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131211288283843,0.0,0.11776260694874452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863459344436146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002327840021084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395272815015606,0.0,0.23656876325862525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005508717832478,0.10475211856787414,0.0,0.0,0.09496009918770244 bpd,samesex,2018/01/15,"I can’t stop thinking about my former therapist When I first got some actual therapy, before I was diagnosed, I was treated at the psych trauma unit and my talks were once a week. The person I talked to was a social services student and they do idk x amount of months work experience sort of thing as part of their education. I’m 26 years old, he’s two years younger than me, so we’re very close to being the same age. He was pretty quiet and timid when we first met but as the weeks went on he clearly became more comfortable and capable. The thing is, our last session was about a year ago since I was moved to go to dbt and he continues studying, but I still think about him. I really really miss him and I feel like I’m in love with him. When our last session was over he asked if he could give me a hug and told me how intelligent snd wonderful he thought I was. Granted, I feel like I’m in love with quite a lot of people but this feeling toward him is SO strong. I often dream about him and I’ve seen him a couple of times since a year ago because we attend the same university, although he just graduated. I’m just so hopelessly in love with him and I can’t really keep this to myself! I have a partner of almost 6 years though that I love dearly and don’t want to and won’t leave. I know it’s the bpd making me feel tjos though but I feel like sharing this with my partner wouldn’t really be fair and doesn’t matter cause nothing would ever happen. I just can’t stop thinking about him I love him so much ",3.27096894409938,4.326290139682541,4.510669427191171,87.11677018633543,73.0,7.763975155279502,23.854382332643198,8.18289091462,1.149547964113181,1194,32,259,18,23,394,165,315,0.053,0.679,0.268,0.9979,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,4,0,2,5,21,18,0,1,15,0,24,7,0,3,2,58,57,30,0,5,8,0,5,3,2,3,1,1,0,3,7,19,0,3,11,1,0,4,7,4,0,3,15,7,42,14,31,36,8,38,0,2,1,6,39,8,0,7,29,163,49,7,0.0,0.0,0.08993673852169799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633919610944112,0.0,0.0922868492136906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615895341081567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056181050465328106,0.0,0.07842300510518647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607471082133992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946756780812988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358379311508648,0.10197541053275616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935424078899708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336573219238906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015204136230988,0.0,0.0,0.23299917725554065,0.19752148025246466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678576260539054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884101106825944,0.052377742494900584,0.0,0.07371030585314753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149848068777958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191774827751923,0.0,0.0,0.050649780493126566,0.15024852950255024,0.0,0.09758616519277846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350769751768639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783527678745795,0.4158986511315495,0.0,0.06151879664606216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356276454697115,0.09795353469462242,0.06774961482238033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843184699396497,0.0,0.09670843078846617,0.09814943599830844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980237726824838,0.0,0.06389347043381761,0.08047223290428235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937618045293167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802554539417294,0.0,0.0,0.2361651412565735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247458370352945,0.0,0.0,0.09394747029491564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360062764101043,0.15410298220476584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815251907692129,0.0,0.0,0.10539518647794292,0.1070070914505358,0.1224565677537634,0.17716090926588093,0.18109723516172693,0.07316626917650054,0.053740356171793034,0.0,0.0,0.08806466320915067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002880330684464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604323523174078,0.054359487716206856,0.0,0.14785346475618294,0.0,0.0,0.08543502233337615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999456698960874,0.06709497474553967,0.0,0.0,0.06546918307164118,0.0,0.0,0.2967462712552499 bpd,emillysux666,2018/01/15,"I’m fed up of this I’m honestly at my wits end. I’m highly considering just throwing in the towel on my life & being done with it. I feel like I can’t take another day with BPD. The mood swings, the black & white thinking, the splitting. Everything. I feel like I’m going crazy & I feel like I’m fucking drowning in all of this. I’ve been in therapy for 5 years now & I’ve had a go at a few medications aswell, none of which have worked. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do, this illness is affecting every single aspect of my life more than it ever has. I’m so angry all the time & I just want to break up with my partner out of spite, because he’s ignoring me. Goes to show how irrational I am all the time haha I just don’t know where to turn anymore, I truely don’t. The thought of having another intense mood swing makes me so anxious, that it ends up me having a panic attack. It hurts, physically & emotionally all the time. & I can’t do this, I’m so so fed up. ",0.7469115004492366,2.652178268867928,3.208463611859841,90.04022012578619,82.34905660377359,6.302246181491465,21.887690925426774,7.447530270364453,0.7692445642407906,771,25,173,12,21,267,114,212,0.14400000000000002,0.78,0.076,-0.9458,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,3,1,11,1,17,7,0,3,5,24,41,5,1,1,3,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,0,1,11,4,2,1,7,1,0,3,6,6,0,0,6,5,17,5,26,34,8,26,0,1,2,1,2,13,1,0,12,101,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7427343862530107,0.0,0.0,0.2053720257110561,0.0,0.11063072965591596,0.09711823014157804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140720084359797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969598030635138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333684745771105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315543792641952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021431104113568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180625135046665,0.11015578316006357,0.17347022602347442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858145346094423,0.08250853656687789,0.0,0.08801134313003735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854596895186334,0.20987927953588933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053282834701948,0.0,0.0,0.11130944183382198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346627472055822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483391504724578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763730025677247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833883962465618,0.14352797577140303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536767900629026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865212512945766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489737058867107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362964458598241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198916581765213,0.0,0.0,0.0627482876817937,0.0,0.07774386786422066,0.1713077568210043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651750836746664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776045270233419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712927269584739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306240064261193 bpd,tinapurplecrayon,2018/01/15,"NHS Treatment with BPD Hey guys im just wondering who else is going though the NHS and trying to get help. For ages I had to ask my GP to refer me to counselling and after talking to them and being on a waiting list for half a year they discharged me to CMHT... all good... untill CMHT refused to see me and pushed me back to the counselling service. Some time later after a few times ending up in A&E and the psychiatrist there refered me back to CMHT. 2 months later they then gave me the diagnosis of BPD and GAD. They said I would get DBT soon however over 6 months have past and I seen the psychiatrist again and he said that I might be too Emotionally Unstable to do DBT! Where do i stand what can i do? I thought the therphy was to help me with my emotions... i just dont understand why this is the case surely i need the help more than before and if im too bad now why didnt they give it me a over a year ago when i asked for it?! Am i doing something wrong? What do i need to do? Also everytime i seen my psychiatrist he refuses to change my meds as it will disrupted therphy with mood changes but the AD interacts with migraine tables so im having to suffer with painful migraines aswell. Any tips or tricks with dealing with NHS? 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We became so close and we became best friends. The longer we talked, the more attached I was, I was attached, the more toxic I got. He was able to tolerate and understand my situation, it got so bad that I used to open his Snapchat and check if he was talking crap about me (He let me borrow his game account for something else and I assumed he had the same password for everything.) I noticed that what I was doing was bad and told him to cut me off from his life (I confessed what I did), which he did. It took me a long time to move on, I had to remove myself online and stop using my phone for weeks so that I’d forget about him. Since then, I never let anyone get close to me. I was better, I get insecurities now and then but I was better. Few months ago, I started going back into gaming, different name. It all went well, decided to talk to old friends and started catching up and now I found my FP, with a new crowd, as though I never existed and it’s all coming back. I try to stray away from him but I can’t, I keep finding myself “spying” on what group channel (discord) he’s in and who he’s talking to and at times what he’s talking about. I’m back in this constant state of anxiety and I forgot how it felt and I honestly felt it’s so much worse than last time. I really don’t know where I’m going with this story but I just felt like sharing it.",1.7182860092927221,3.361365536912753,3.4518120805369144,90.72905524006195,78.19463087248323,6.0611254517294775,22.53536396489417,6.8449194561589275,0.5364027878162103,1102,33,242,11,26,368,153,298,0.07,0.833,0.097,0.8924,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,3,0,0,3,18,14,2,1,7,0,17,2,1,3,4,53,43,27,0,1,5,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,19,25,0,3,10,4,3,9,4,5,1,0,23,3,45,9,33,18,8,49,1,0,0,0,36,13,1,2,27,166,64,0,0.10083043288996996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938009499676655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713500517579577,0.0,0.0,0.07050298310100503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473351083500997,0.3101295160048095,0.16837839954625888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581531857466576,0.178352647985925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737129795960515,0.0,0.10896187728652493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053463417063418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423088840101492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906198914976602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29043908369330945,0.0,0.09215718896412242,0.0,0.0,0.11055536527149064,0.15580268466017516,0.0,0.105359479124727,0.0,0.11460851729921545,0.0,0.16128661643489864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962272163114786,0.0,0.0,0.055413768972699784,0.1643805209278655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062118982016615,0.07121951666034779,0.049260656368146284,0.0,0.0,0.08923176015894067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048188955433196,0.10716679300048976,0.07412196987243119,0.0,0.15553329168752014,0.09738266039932954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479611614484025,0.10580457781355304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459455722010839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834079760395265,0.1133376311978563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776241933679487,0.0,0.0,0.1427365987418214,0.0,0.0,0.08429875678392924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40521841284021504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990653883703253,0.0,0.17638510882501046,0.0,0.0,0.09634779961963963,0.1120263209735246,0.0684572452488455,0.0,0.0,0.10496803661466313,0.0,0.17417024017877594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088009126637953,0.0,0.09065866841626792,0.0934708214658821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275482529975448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493149292554201 bpd,ringersnthefold,2018/01/15,how many of you still communicate with exes and what is it like? i'm just generally curious ,2.4333333333333336,5.084441222222225,5.6200000000000045,70.80000000000003,81.22222222222223,10.266666666666667,25.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.473133333333335,74,3,14,3,2,27,18,18,0.0,0.758,0.242,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540285864642101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7346838518330256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5787083875510549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,icywnd007,2018/01/15,"Obsessive, fear of abandonment, numb, irritable.....a really shitty cocktail I hate the fact that I'm so fucked up emotionally. Despite many years of therapy, I have zilch internal coping skills. No capacity to feel pleasure but unlimited capacity to feel a full range of intolerable emotions. ",7.727499999999999,10.642856750000004,9.494166666666667,48.36750000000001,64.83333333333334,13.966666666666667,41.16666666666667,12.602617957971056,7.236816666666668,236,14,31,11,4,83,40,48,0.322,0.634,0.044,-0.8987,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,2,1,6,6,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6404223696411494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203286417672445,0.28787159029910603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26316933526797226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810489596797813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288606869064751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236447116340126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255406338624182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833157138745804 bpd,Throwawaybpdmale,2018/01/15,"Getting over it. Im in my late 30s but i still loose sleep over passing comments made to me by friends in my teen years. At the inevitable end of every relationship im told i will get over it. I never do. The hurt becomes a part of me that grows with every new percived rejection. I take it with me and carry it close. I nurture it until it blossoms. The hurt and everything that comes with it have taken over and who i was or could have been is pretty much forgotten.",1.9092708333333304,3.903568885416668,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,78.89583333333334,5.933333333333334,24.20833333333333,6.937597516519254,0.8482583333333342,367,13,77,4,9,120,64,96,0.093,0.732,0.175,0.8698,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,8,1,1,1,1,13,15,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,5,0,11,2,15,8,2,18,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,1,7,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473549459431173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968677775133205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480092905877071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418993141152485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123780090756957,0.0,0.1666058403590426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322262352672105,0.0,0.19370476248936336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39690207860522747,0.0,0.4004802155100021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091145177420488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540919554810833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627419847421565,0.0,0.14297498229776875,0.17903927828746596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074636591969314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885961240256066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902665260688845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551193033240013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480431522049723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393812249116624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713667338466374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193773879646112 bpd,Thehighpriestessx,2018/01/15,"I never feel good enough (rant) I'm interested in this guy who is interested in me too but he and my best friend have a lot of things in common, things that he and I don't. They met once before but they didn't really talk so my fear is that if me and him were to date, we would have group hang outs and they would realize how much better they would be together than him and I. My best friend is always asking for me to invite him to group hang outs. She is talking to someone else at the moment and seems very interested in that person but I'm afraid if that she and this other guy don't work out, that she and my guy will click and will validate how I'm not good enough. I feel so dumb and don't know anything. My looks will fade one day and I will be left with nothing. I don't feel like I fit in with my group of friends in general because they're all into country stuff and I'm not as much into it. This is really getting under my skin and making me upset. ",3.143793342579752,3.6812633932038814,4.411678224687936,89.64077669902916,72.83495145631069,7.633287101248268,21.995839112343965,7.7094869923839395,0.5971217753120657,753,15,175,9,14,249,106,206,0.091,0.727,0.182,0.9697,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,4,4,5,16,1,3,2,0,22,1,1,3,2,44,36,23,0,5,7,0,4,1,3,7,0,0,0,4,14,21,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,3,6,29,12,24,24,8,23,0,0,2,0,28,15,1,4,7,126,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787165237318222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668345241525352,0.0,0.1211967842479331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902791738431066,0.0,0.11031489652025778,0.0,0.2721003491858783,0.1146568815576368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836076852278112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829837520160443,0.0,0.0,0.267907504808705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588210655343042,0.19665107268288254,0.09261551771002688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004808198225343,0.0,0.06773204354067938,0.0,0.0,0.21747334942631635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38509475591554426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124727350576247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408552671291693,0.0,0.0,0.06333601778763298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088657437147784,0.0,0.0,0.11021609626622662,0.0,0.0,0.08653633811862571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060202394421968,0.0,0.09998708964888872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439398410134818,0.0,0.0,0.1380633764435915,0.08784806012861085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319747354342193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610261927904615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802024824477488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984435282621983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840786682000326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084009633304044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225536794800714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696735752989296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438015268805372,0.0,0.0,0.2762796253265333,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinesweet,2018/01/15,"Is this a problem for anyone else? Advice? Help? I’ve noticed lately that if I’m not focusing on my bpd and focusing on recovery all the time, I just get worse. Like my coworkers were saying that they thought I was misdiagnosed and I didn’t have bpd and someone I trusted gave me some validation but they derailed me from believing I had bpd all together. Now I’m angry, bitter, and I feel even worse than ever. I feel like all the progress I made has just been destroyed and now, after I’ve spent weeks trying to focus on anything other than bpd, I’ve only gotten worse with my interpersonal skills and emotions. However, when I focus my energy and mind on recovery entirely I start making strides again. Is this normal? Should I keep going this way? I don’t want my recovery to be an obsession, it’s all I talk about other than politics. 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I'm not sure if its BPD or just simple mood swings but recently I've observed my own emotions...and from what I can say it feels like hell. Whenever I feel like nothing's happening, I feel empty...you know like those moments when nothing's happening, you end up super bitter because there is no drama or situation going on. But the moment someone makes a comment about something related to you, whether it's family or friends...I just go berserk in my head and feelings. I start to overthink it for weeks. So I noticed a pattern in me. I can whether go to one extreme emotion which is usually anger, or I can be calm and feel empty and worthless. Anyone else feel like this? ",3.7693137254901963,5.972641617647064,4.621176470588235,82.11696078431375,74.0,7.180392156862746,33.392156862745104,8.07648339933343,2.75706568627451,564,30,100,9,12,182,92,136,0.179,0.682,0.138,-0.7423,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,1,6,12,3,0,4,0,6,1,1,1,1,24,21,14,0,1,12,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,7,1,0,3,2,4,0,1,0,8,12,7,10,20,1,16,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,5,13,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922126339506132,0.1453954936514016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650221674834001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17872075568727608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151512970072173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854101481158436,0.319241576471143,0.12568316169581012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377269206599568,0.0,0.4304998607083477,0.30412471386230555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24193873894608575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509671564601827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563251638136473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798569542903419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773048370742073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472076861323317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27231782719509257,0.16155650691289514,0.0,0.0,0.09615655061757876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011122670470688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128462632942612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950393108252062,0.0,0.0,0.12023320784916927,0.10924318656072042,0.0,0.0,0.10043905262553036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374107105211144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628514008102204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382532321307758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,missbabyay,2018/01/15,"My boyfriend wants me to stop acting like it's ""the end"" every fight or disagreement... help? Just a little backstory... like most people with bpd, I have a strong fear of abandonment, but not only that, it has truly happened to me over and over again, starting with my dad when I was just a little girl. Today my boyfriend and I got in a disagreement, and after things were resolved he requested that I stop assuming he wants to dump me/that this is the end every fight. He said its toxic and not good for us, and that just because we fight doesn't mean he wants to leave me/he's in it for the long run etc. all great things to hear but I still don't know how to let go of these fears? I know this is my bpd acting up big time and I'd just love to hear some coping mechanisms for this. Because honestly as it is, if he even gets a little mad at me, I assume he wants to dump me (not always voiced) and idk, I just assume my natural state of being is very unloveable and it sucks. Please help.",3.1017647058823528,4.159570352941177,3.943411764705882,91.01335294117649,73.41176470588233,7.2047058823529415,21.93333333333333,7.554174236665415,0.5924003921568629,768,17,171,9,15,246,111,204,0.18600000000000005,0.652,0.161,-0.4459,0,0,1,0,3,0,29.0,2,0,0,2,10,19,7,2,8,0,12,1,0,1,1,41,29,15,0,5,12,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,15,11,0,3,7,0,0,4,5,11,0,0,4,4,19,8,24,23,4,27,0,1,0,1,20,10,1,7,14,107,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240853275495236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005115594240892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100181358333948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21801642089495826,0.0,0.13726152488383564,0.08129009378982059,0.0,0.2073925450832962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698792330824673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430177944710849,0.0,0.0699465455159478,0.10322974636101384,0.09843458342737044,0.13569098427656254,0.0,0.0,0.10883510661925458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774296803512621,0.0,0.16498959688919018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527796380228346,0.0,0.0,0.1303190023137792,0.0,0.12585286210304414,0.0,0.12025677755883835,0.3700614369211481,0.0,0.10891779285706206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108028924395297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406511361530615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360433338769046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853249362227858,0.0,0.0,0.13509975197625018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707282146610855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711335104895153,0.0,0.09828811640355584,0.20579297131750895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353155905772898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176621385275499,0.0,0.11666102069320035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480444664413546,0.0,0.0,0.10155003558686644,0.2903720703224619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sunrisestatic,2018/01/15,"How did you tell your doctor/psychiatrist/therapist/whatever that you had BPD? if you approached them about it, how did you bring it up? i'm thinking i may have BPD, but i have no idea how to bring it up to my therapist (and if they think i have it, then i'll probably have an appointment with my psychiatrist if thats how it works?). please give me some advice as to how i mention it without seemingly like an idiot (im terrified i'll seem like im uneducated, despite me researching it) thanks so much in advance!!",3.5274029126213584,5.020957310679614,5.355521844660196,79.59794296116505,72.98058252427184,9.421844660194175,29.379854368932037,9.827888789773867,2.8498359223300973,405,17,83,11,8,139,62,103,0.17600000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.062,-0.9247,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,2,2,7,4,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,5,0,19,17,13,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,3,0,15,3,10,13,2,8,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,7,3,59,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143055064758447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4419020354496355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795625367385544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829078267142838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804187181055175,0.3789942805711485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141485815663166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896302941051369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257213848653487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914584270270668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31941421041533713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153335685646651,0.1615146212806154,0.0,0.4073811701527287,0.0,0.224820048664462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911061248821474,0.0,0.1277169062007473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frailnurse,2018/01/15,"im trying All I do is try but I feel like I don’t get anywhere .... I know the only person who won’t leave me is myself and I don’t know who I am. I’m struggling but I’m trying. Do any of you have any advice on how to get these feelings out of my chest? I just feel so alone and sad all the time and my mental health team don’t do shit, they ask me what’s wrong then write it down and that’s it. This is my first post in any thread on here ever haha, I’m a little nervous. I feel like I’m attention-seeking but I’m running out of places to go...thank you for reading I guess. I’m so tired",-1.929785315586088,-0.15883910948904756,0.9894375268355552,102.32244740231859,93.37956204379564,3.5155002146844136,13.898239587805927,4.514644488427479,-1.4693165306998708,450,8,119,1,17,156,79,137,0.207,0.7190000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.963,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,2,6,8,1,2,3,1,12,4,2,1,3,22,28,11,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,5,0,1,0,4,18,3,12,27,2,14,0,1,0,0,9,8,1,1,6,70,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558454297258409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517680757066866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253627453439638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490955431580392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426195572184827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225585967615082,0.22787008753617066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565658303460576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664709189383908,0.0,0.09063814795234963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756890548105068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952350197401542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226954675268902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529592072575456,0.0,0.0,0.16886999816203666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583116387306975,0.15984436411979122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607218563776563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212943878213424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925484002569224,0.1666263124387101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527411070208185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952665780248085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370752019464846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667267810512105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683097887394336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299611097567197,0.18330282147782867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248364817638708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174370170348237,0.0,0.0 bpd,azullana1,2018/01/16,"Hello! Hi guys, I've just joined this sub :) I'm hoping to find help and understanding here because I'm going through a really tough time now. I'm seeing a psychologist tomorrow. I am not officially diagnosed with BPD, but I did quite an extensive research and I'm absolutely convinced that I have it. I'll know better tomorrow. I hope the psychologist can help me. I'm really tired of what I'm doing to people around me.",1.9695121951219503,4.684039121951219,4.732390243902441,75.73882926829269,84.60975609756099,8.645853658536586,24.05365853658537,9.120678840339163,2.7154302439024383,336,13,61,11,10,119,58,82,0.065,0.69,0.245,0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,0,0,12,17,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,4,6,16,0,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,4,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221700132963055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847219021464913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090102381490302,0.0,0.0,0.28609503209418324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305585600694709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20761647022203755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909799054476306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492015504041646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045157593140692,0.0,0.0,0.4512343285800841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483899785930225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574813699299879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416083689302616,0.0,0.0,0.2910439026263118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101392332130053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245649129711512,0.2610824078887157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364774087950772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FreeTheMilks,2018/01/16,"Well, here it is. The end of my unstable relationship. Long story short, we fell deeply and madly in love, and I went crazy. Today I said, ""Okay. Let's break up."" And in a rational finality, not as a threat this time. The faded look in his eyes recently tells me enough, I've drunk the well dry. It hasn't sunken in, I don't want our parting to be messy. I'm trying very hard to remain calm, I'm afraid to take action, to affirm the reality of our parting. We had so many dreams, we really wanted it to work. But plans aren't meant to be followed. He's taught me a whole lot. I know that soon I'll be in the fetal position with tissues surrounding me, scissors in hand dramatically. I'll probably ruminate over how horrible of a person I've been, how this newly diagnosed disease will probably cause me so much grief I'll choke on whatever is rising up in my chest. I'm embarrassed, my grandmother loved him so much too, and his friends will all say to him, ""Good for you man, she was really a downer."" And I'm all too aware how selfish that irrational thought is. Anyway, I don't have any friends after 2 years of confining myself to this relationship. No job, no prospects. If it's okay, I'd really appreciate support/advice/stories, because when I eventually break, it'd be cool to read it all. I'm also going to start planning to move across the country now, to the West Coast, like I've been dreaming. If you have advice on that, the encouragement would be cool. Thanks so much. Also Orestes by APC has always been a standard sad song for me.",3.2738436482084694,4.964465413680784,4.765975244299675,82.76493680781759,74.01628664495114,8.299622149837134,25.960781758957648,8.954980946260402,1.992417954397394,1210,42,244,26,25,405,180,307,0.126,0.716,0.159,0.8974,2,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,5,2,0,3,18,22,2,2,14,4,25,7,3,4,3,29,46,19,1,5,4,0,2,1,2,3,1,3,0,2,12,9,1,1,3,5,0,7,7,7,2,0,10,9,27,15,35,26,11,38,0,2,2,2,25,16,0,3,14,152,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980204637029625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608429778188427,0.10201195288978593,0.0,0.0,0.0833713309686302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473503935303044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259426527018639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443511605658908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108586073148581,0.126677246329825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343009007993353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18943892772358614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696756755909197,0.10282998632352776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982436869343172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166030833708902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737704807980152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253654934264216,0.0,0.05989553993691232,0.0,0.0,0.10849600570277447,0.10295204416377723,0.0,0.0,0.10422904417103017,0.22130025552563048,0.0,0.0,0.12429585539392055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030303295394755,0.27037248794562985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26552492453916143,0.0,0.0,0.10704846995766562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643643030092281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263189295298448,0.0,0.23561963036606776,0.0,0.12105144163000404,0.2632502793892007,0.0,0.0,0.11661945373880425,0.09749541971478884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677600219643104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912357005548795,0.0,0.0,0.0921789768330109,0.0,0.107156681540532,0.11287242603518853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973296860939756,0.07148829721194798,0.0,0.11620924767573715,0.0,0.0,0.08323648057244765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115678027564104,0.1446237982391762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046193839451694,0.11365023799532492,0.0,0.13687708816065938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925332539114897,0.0,0.0,0.08709061031689776,0.0,0.0,0.07894955354675255 bpd,vvn_i,2018/01/16,"A guy i am seeing told me that he expects sex for being nice to me This was after i admittedly provoked him by discussing ”nice guys” with him. The truth is, i am not sure if this is just me trying to find an issue with him, or if i should really be worried..",4.692666666666668,3.752807963636364,6.363636363636362,82.09212121212124,69.36363636363636,8.787878787878787,27.424242424242426,7.793537801064563,1.457060606060606,198,5,44,2,3,69,41,55,0.071,0.79,0.139,0.5911,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,2,14,11,3,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,10,4,7,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,3,1,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863832675434765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6205034587860226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32704119415469096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073095295279067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496880848430677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953153069374717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29940580855215176,0.0,0.21273445730882592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182077400265776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shitlordin,2018/01/16,"Anyone want to give me some music reccomendations? I am bored, unemployed and starting to get depressed. Music is a nice escape so I was hoping you guys could give me some reccomendations! The only genres I don't like are country and metal but feel free to try and change my mind! Here is my new favourite song for the last 4 months or so: Brand New - Same Logic/Teeth https://youtu.be/VPKJT9OyevU",5.437916666666666,7.7845958472222225,4.823333333333338,81.855,69.69444444444444,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.1041777777777781,319,8,56,4,6,96,56,72,0.071,0.773,0.156,0.7366,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,13,14,7,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,8,5,4,12,3,5,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,6,33,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790146714699025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540211427570183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917208259709766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681990678335047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141476491738948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545576332239045,0.4607008887878949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377621877293485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384989933928018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957344882459429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173132839639744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424584969244965,0.0,0.1916660365360021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638297795796802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262640935303528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996220081914112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302958270085796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163235466824015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,actuallynotbisexual,2018/01/16,"How can I help my BPD friend? Over the break, my friend has had many issues with her mental health and I believe has been hospitalized. She's reluctant to give me any details, but I know she has issues with cutting and suicide. So, college is starting next week. My friend just messaged the group chat and said that when we arrive on campus, we should pretend that we don't know her because we all hate her anyway. She also privately messaged a friend who she hangs out with a lot, berating him on being ""too touchy,"" and telling him to not talk to her anymore. I feel so helpless. What can I do?",3.9762547892720335,5.575100284482758,4.1866666666666665,88.00277777777781,72.01724137931033,6.534865900383142,27.54406130268199,6.937597516519254,1.2545911877394629,467,17,92,4,9,145,78,116,0.165,0.725,0.111,-0.8466,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,4,0,0,0,8,7,2,0,4,0,12,1,0,1,1,22,19,10,1,1,3,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,4,12,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,2,23,4,10,14,2,10,0,1,0,0,28,4,0,1,4,69,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982187416952666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889922732118678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733972621789526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658266252505054,0.0,0.0,0.1969881738314428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020862245711756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840586807243027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5403330346102695,0.0,0.0,0.16772532575731525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262125259063246,0.0,0.18584991999791092,0.0,0.0,0.11719356918605806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649813072444132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19217826710443545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486452557777242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772633469306594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762006081863602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594750106896502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631572003306513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375476667224397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912498504809801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053217065384568,0.15282047784826275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024849844159698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sourambrosia,2018/01/16,"I guess this is goodbye I love you all. Goodbye to everyone who was a great support to me over the last two years I've been a part of this sub. I wish none of you had to live with the pain of this disorder, let alone the stigma and demonization that comes along with it. I know I can't. So many nights I was ready to end it and you lovely people helped bring me back. I can only hope that you all continue to show each other support and love and understanding like this sub's original intention. ❤️",1.5230769230769212,3.5167805384615427,3.1025384615384617,91.34246153846158,80.15384615384616,6.8523076923076935,20.97692307692308,7.908726449838941,0.7711876923076924,392,11,88,7,10,129,69,104,0.067,0.644,0.289,0.979,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,2,9,0,0,5,0,8,4,0,2,2,18,20,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,4,0,13,8,12,15,5,10,1,0,0,3,9,1,0,2,8,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803461781284008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321790490274393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807501551302182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701014610115647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522507184577511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425602688410665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951829187490168,0.18936516686039906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521969107334727,0.0,0.0,0.17073362658733338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944707150766532,0.14011991644512414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757774813153614,0.0,0.08398074194406019,0.0,0.15178919546364544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654343129144841,0.0,0.0,0.17427772030351246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131474749417687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307362716123215,0.18291172685067048,0.0,0.0,0.18614892019444834,0.0,0.1191725172714396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901359148768905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791949230751665,0.17895201252354753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767436262260998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069675788868737 bpd,chainsmokingCandice,2018/01/16,I got my GED this morning and tonight is my first college class! 2018 is bringing on great things. I hope I don't lose this motivation. Every is moving so fast and I'm so proud! ,-0.035675675675676644,2.290084891891894,1.6473513513513502,96.43210810810814,91.97297297297294,4.0410810810810815,20.913513513513514,5.6839178017228535,-0.10177405405405436,139,5,31,1,5,45,28,37,0.0,0.62,0.38,0.9484,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,5,3,1,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,18,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162528028432282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192767979172115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002057079063134,0.4138302471844787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728122398864635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199262679834905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989429956173364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493692041078824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alwaysalmostanadult,2018/01/16,"I've avoided getting emotionally attached to ppl since summer but now it's happening with my coworker I mostly just needed to get that out. I adore this person, they're so kind, smart and funny, and it's the first new person I've felt 100% safe with for years. Like, they're in a relationship, and I love them+ their partner together, it's nothing romantic just...good vibes and it's nice,, but also not ya know? I always try to keep my distance because I don't wanna get crazy and I don't wanna get personal cause I've literally always ended up hurt in several ways, like many people here, but sometimes it just happens. And when it's a coworker I'm even more fucked cause like.. I can't escape. I love my job. ugh I hate this",1.2849579831932765,3.7369559591836734,3.2748699479791914,86.98476590636255,84.64625850340136,6.179911964785916,21.57222889155662,7.5105763829236425,1.0275909563825525,574,19,114,10,17,193,92,147,0.151,0.599,0.249,0.9639,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,2,1,8,15,2,1,3,0,3,3,0,2,0,26,18,12,0,3,6,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,9,9,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,15,10,12,17,2,12,0,1,0,3,10,4,1,1,10,63,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151324421750149,0.23958849127854445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877625357470636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957928879281216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194642935283668,0.12751433877380006,0.0,0.0,0.09509056717762927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823339953522995,0.0,0.0,0.12246047360558066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330975811656571,0.3008727087443488,0.0,0.0,0.1207548752059729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546236948384142,0.0,0.0,0.14214018014072022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541224412367954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286761941739182,0.12796680111849434,0.0,0.14992219036280402,0.07912193051378154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110088324154924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598763813404604,0.0,0.0,0.14596258390514208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067516388685766,0.0,0.13904674293421448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814272016462878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981039757190878,0.3771261212675258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545694780876728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264467584458167,0.0,0.11909314610500216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238962196319468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774591229144763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427637227882342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271170625376307 bpd,peachwolverine1991,2018/01/16,"stopped my meds.. Hey y'all, I stopped taking my meds a month ago and honestly I don't think they were helpful. Trileptal helped my nightmares and insomnia but that's it. I've tried so many meds in the last year. I just wanna give up on meds honestly and try to deal with my bpd some other way. Any of you guys do other things to cope with your bpd? Im in therapy already. I've started journaling, trying to eat better, yoga... What's helpful for y'all? And as far as meds go, what are you guys on that's helped? And what should I avoid? Thanks so much for reading! One more random thing: Does anybody have that one person who gets under your skin? Nobody frustrates me, makes me angry, or triggers me like my ex. We're still close and I love him and he's a great guy but everything he does just irritates me! Idk why. I go off on him at the drop of a hat! I don't act this way towards anybody else. ",0.8004545454545458,2.9505892994652427,2.254360962566846,95.55330614973265,83.81283422459894,5.237326203208557,20.579946524064173,6.508806274219699,0.14126117647058806,697,21,156,7,20,225,117,187,0.106,0.72,0.174,0.9586,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,6,1,1,5,9,1,1,5,0,7,4,1,2,0,25,17,14,0,2,5,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,13,10,1,3,1,2,0,3,2,2,0,2,1,1,25,7,22,15,3,26,0,0,0,1,25,12,0,3,9,92,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920709356425206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461870577252516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706324367751786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186102999207647,0.0,0.0,0.2616311636918429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708127776741268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817876603626571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062808407394962,0.0867667091354371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334805695065676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054265694292298335,0.09963772460141802,0.11805887452595025,0.0,0.0,0.11451262366743285,0.0,0.30853098778171845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784767421114017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219309564561113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466464688687696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074367757546013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937431136407452,0.0,0.06933135668201049,0.1053038142191972,0.0,0.0,0.5768585150727278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829048444602058,0.0,0.07635345563314011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076456949796684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069177855646092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389410034585253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351688425183454,0.0,0.08294751596584374,0.17367324147235305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809430025302222,0.0,0.0,0.09562585127243847,0.11877981470134955,0.0,0.1380079006720039,0.06655313421841408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115545733688934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488798093507998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372290311993067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688629393979313 bpd,katiecski,2018/01/16,"Accepting BPD Hi, I am new to this sub. I was diagnosed with BPD last fall, but I just said it was bullshit and the person diagnosing me didn't know anything about me. I'm just now coming around to idea that maybe they were right. I initially thought it was bullshit because I don't act out very much -only when I'm at my very worst- but I've kind of learned about quiet borderline and I relate to every single thing I've read. As I am somewhat coming to terms with the idea of having BPD, I'm also terrified because, of what I know at least, therapy for BPD is mainly about managing the symptoms of the emotions, such as outburst or self harm, but still having to feel all the intense feelings. I hope I'm wrong though, because I would give anything to just know that I'll feel the same way going to sleep as I did waking up- even if it's not the best feeling. I don't think I'm ready to go to therapy though because I'm just not ready to be fully open and honest with myself.",5.033894389438942,4.971261910891091,5.75420792079208,83.7897607260726,68.5049504950495,8.515511551155111,29.704620462046204,8.07648339933343,1.8647808580858083,774,26,161,9,12,253,114,202,0.195,0.75,0.055,-0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,16,8,0,0,7,0,15,5,2,0,1,40,37,15,0,3,11,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,8,11,0,0,13,1,0,6,5,3,0,0,8,6,17,5,29,27,10,20,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,4,6,107,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485597808394861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463866778238665,0.09446022900379164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587342253584441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135570092909207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345663731688182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828084143577932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153984505728648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193592561777539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008452988558443,0.0,0.08940209283998768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146092361643243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179020021809844,0.12060930258687193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539098525787832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395701233682063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049704027284543,0.1749455325050204,0.0864936588273631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660156798557732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800292075447918,0.0,0.0,0.1024815173566313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070129329277871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265099473444044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613852652685964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061719942177986,0.10093472983369384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069567529820072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061864429418502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473943269512389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028872308260047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24269163449256326,0.0,0.07049464395779065,0.06799088281405752,0.2085047025021471,0.08423933791266604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510341474993174,0.0,0.08422502952612053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537736579589742,0.11601442170194813,0.0,0.0 bpd,GTheo97,2018/01/16,"Freaking out about first psychiatrist appointment. Hey guys, this is my first post and I want to say thankyou for everyone in this community! I have felt so much support just lurking this sub :) I've been seeing a psychologist and a mental health GP for the past 6ish years but I'm now being referred to a psychiatrist as my anger management is becoming a huge problem. I'm so nervous and thinking of any reason to cancel. I guess I don't have a specific question, but does anyone have any experience or advice on what to expect or how to prepare/not freak out? I'm from western aus and I'm a 21 year old female :) ",3.178545454545453,5.398422733333337,4.889545454545456,79.43727272727277,75.83333333333334,7.696969696969697,28.40909090909091,8.575989854853784,2.37875,488,21,90,10,11,165,83,120,0.17,0.735,0.096,-0.8858,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,1,7,0,8,1,0,2,0,21,18,12,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,2,3,6,1,15,15,1,13,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,4,7,56,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814881557589255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26186893546457396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462912880424388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264638331828656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684939075912413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839811558954168,0.0,0.18834202246112425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848695335927128,0.0,0.0,0.3275505155067335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121055948217128,0.19064583973271773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466205627459494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403601997063044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153977307433355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020393678113235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183802150220606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844010339364643,0.0,0.0,0.1842357129733612,0.0,0.0,0.21568996073073704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796419331198767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531163139460377,0.0,0.0,0.1534302313134277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21849322042231692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337248440883157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356565754595704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479801545985941 bpd,Jhinthepredator,2018/01/16,"What should i do? Ok its a long and complicated story but ill try to explain. For the past months im “hanging” with this girl from my college class. We are in the 3 year of studies so we known each orher since 2 years now. It’s not like a love with first sight shit. Past two years i looked and her like i looked at my other classmates. This year was different, we started talking more often and often and often. Everything started when out of nowhere she asked me to went for hiking together. Since than everything changed. We went from just talking to flirting and things looked fine. But over the time i startend ( i guess) loving her and be kinda obssesed. As an anxious person that thing started to devastate me. She was on my mind like all the time. I was (and am) so confused about her feelings towards me. So i needed a solution. 1. Tell her about my feelings and ask her about something more 2. Ghosting, tell her nothing and suffer in silence. And i choose the second. This lasted one week, on second day she texted me , i just left unread, seen etc. She asked what the f is wrong with you , whats the problem. I text her back and tell that is somtheing complicated, wrong with me not you so sorry. She insisted to know what. Ok i tell her that we should meet and make things clear. We meet, drink something like normally , talked and all this time i was processing in my mind hoe to tell her. We finished and i drive her home, and there i tell her that i dont see you as a friend anymore, and i dont want to force you over nothing so this is our last time seeing each other. At first she seemed shocked and i was expecting the line “I’m sorry, i cant ve more than your friend” But no, she said i dont want this thing, i dont want to lose you. This confused me more, though i kinda understand what she meaned, but was acting like i dont got it and asked to be more clear. She kissed me and sad am i clear now? I keeped acting confused though i enjoyed it. She said i like you too and have an affection but i want to take things slowly. I replied ok, but nor thinking that answer. We started dating , cuddling , stayed in classes together. But idea about her still gives me terrible anxiety, i cant stop thinking about her . I’m not a jelaus person and i never was before with all my exes. She’s that type of girl that all wants, at least 3 boys in my class loves her and told their feeling. Others trying to flirt and that destroying me. The problem is that i think i love her and in other hands looked like she just likes me , just like a sexual attraction. Overthinking is destroying my life in general. I cant get out of my head that shes toying me and she sees me like a third wheel. I know its too long and im sorry, and sorry bout my english too , not my native language",1.4997269975786909,3.7823894678571435,2.5666949152542387,93.56610169491526,82.0,5.51089588377724,21.2772397094431,6.772648465950304,0.3838044794188864,2162,66,460,24,59,686,230,560,0.185,0.695,0.119,-0.9897,1,0,3,0,0,0,68.0,9,7,1,3,28,40,3,3,18,3,30,12,3,2,8,111,82,45,1,12,15,0,4,10,2,2,2,2,1,5,36,44,1,2,16,2,0,6,15,15,0,7,14,15,103,25,50,64,13,57,0,3,9,6,77,18,1,10,42,320,139,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455542284251159,0.06579754994896157,0.05776100020825916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779584235888252,0.0,0.0,0.04478495752364872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956015533219943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616129387858417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03756165302747706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608511114887515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412994155259186,0.0570555661790595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495588490928228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046893709132137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883476122974704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908223662404148,0.0,0.0,0.08999616295107069,0.0,0.03042935002188878,0.05587160059078819,0.0,0.0,0.046581920735709284,0.0,0.06416078052234356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059773701547756776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842206777306564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574879613968171,0.1258239859256375,0.0,0.0,0.05176869113409386,0.0,0.0,0.06401720988412228,0.0949509707080643,0.0,0.0,0.06328074574224114,0.0,0.04113846459475988,0.2845438810797066,0.0,0.0,0.1030857208293994,0.1956364313089499,0.06515856166250393,0.0,0.0,0.21026484996218173,0.0,0.03887738187971061,0.0,0.0,0.06344325620537528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761682800872653,0.0,0.046488680620232835,0.0,0.0,0.04318614337736204,0.04492027686671935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706537329209675,0.11177067411420452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03946668711969323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119828715269614,0.0,0.10171036820932544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146058786801273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080408327961154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923541345151036,0.05302186757961265,0.0,0.0,0.05978518288686139,0.09635774658754573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967598434551233,0.0,0.2607912497791189,0.16489762326584684,0.06207885278400451,0.04651260855846254,0.048693414164501736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043791180194131515,0.14043956582243874,0.3054395510712241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934689480205582,0.11195850210323142,0.1144461002585766,0.0,0.13584689318699128,0.0,0.0,0.055653291812387984,0.0,0.07908579254631162,0.0,0.05689454861203945,0.060632591462924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176494648353047,0.0,0.046718693512776965,0.0,0.0,0.10798293107928922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735826077980386,0.0,0.15002527666911392 bpd,centlimitesans,2018/01/16,"Love or sex doesn't confer rights upon human beings. “she is never under the illusion that love or sex confers rights upon human beings. She may of course begin with the hope, and romance would scarcely be possible otherwise; however, the truth hits her sharply, like vision or revelation when the time comes. Affections are not things and persons never can become possessions, matters of ownership. The desolate soul knows this immediately and only the trivial pretend that it can be otherwise.” -Elizabeth Hardwick",8.981686274509805,11.233238247058823,8.537352941176469,59.086421568627465,60.647058823529406,11.313725490196074,38.87254901960785,11.20814326018867,5.467784313725492,421,21,51,12,6,134,63,85,0.025,0.7240000000000001,0.251,0.9712,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,0,11,4,0,1,3,18,18,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,6,11,0,11,1,0,0,4,8,5,0,5,6,41,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766100697186466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157465212100511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487603047831777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764461251885854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223606349815081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520944266669559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863357440757795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048382806922806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186893844118521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823526260754046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42777780455515496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639249622358665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604348587247526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791746080805165,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rrr_rrr,2018/01/16,"Has anyone ever blocked someone because you're obsessed with the other? I've recently made [a post](https://redd.it/7n72do) about my obsession with a guy. This has driven me crazy, so I blocked him. Not because he is bad, but it's just too much for me. I can't handle. - I am very poor at setting boundaries. I easily fuse with others and can't have my own identity - It is very painful when I want someone very much but the other does not want me that much. This unbalance is a torture. - I don't belong to where he belongs. He has a normal life, but I don't and we belong to very different worlds I feel I need to find someone who sees or at least tries to see what I see and whose point of view is easy to understand for me... I feel I am destroyed now. ",2.2188345864661656,4.2197911842105285,3.3942857142857146,90.06500000000004,77.94736842105263,6.448120300751881,24.672932330827063,7.447530270364453,1.1045248120300757,588,21,123,8,14,190,90,152,0.184,0.747,0.069,-0.9516,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,1,8,6,2,2,6,0,14,2,0,1,1,26,25,9,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,6,6,0,0,2,6,20,0,14,23,5,11,0,0,4,0,8,5,0,1,4,86,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323250506782806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327225898774892,0.17999852497939164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425115755026902,0.0,0.0,0.1291997380047123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335477772680463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930126040733938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493921899937228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618565678297493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428167420993588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396994338945967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32559459021177545,0.10947232422075608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446547100125078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709812801993475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956641862512098,0.0,0.14139719122774802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577553667365614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529471060007819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752817132308877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023707659229887,0.0,0.0,0.15369723230375915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4872699980866869,0.17416241822660708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,roark1920,2018/01/16,"Oh god the boredom I’m always bored. I’m always looking for something to do coz what I’m doing isn’t enough. Who I’m with isn’t enough. I haven’t read enough books. Just as things start to go as planed and I’m actually being the slightest resemblance of a functioning human I get so overwhelmed with boredom I end up jumping at the craziest thing I can think of and within a month or so I’m back in the hospital dosed up on antipsychotics again. All because I got fucking bored. Breath in, breath out ",0.7296218487394945,3.254081598039214,2.2906442577030823,91.61647058823529,90.86274509803923,5.2672268907563025,21.991596638655466,6.868970318607317,0.7919949579831931,401,15,81,6,14,130,66,102,0.108,0.852,0.04,-0.6467,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,6,0,7,4,2,1,1,10,20,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,17,18,4,15,0,1,1,1,2,8,1,1,5,51,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.20445726849127704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34866797970368824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110477327737846,0.0,0.1277189311945121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556887539236336,0.6494577101170604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369404799383674,0.10946339591068527,0.0,0.11907269861318374,0.0,0.16756898284403787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594056494404806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723357049813456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957257042883867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612955546377446,0.0,0.0,0.14829641289820775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783860718466129,0.13424931119108854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tookull4you,2018/01/16,"Recovery Tattoo So I'm scouting for anyone that thinks they may be up to the task of drawing up a tattoo. Fairly simple with a more ""pen and ink"" style...Some back story: I'm 21. I was first psychiatrically hospitalized at age 15 for what we now know is a Borderline Personality and Bipolar Comorbid diagnoses. I struggled keeping friends, I self harmed, I cycled, I had anxiety, and I hated my birthday because it meant celebrating a life I didn't want. By age 17 I had been in the hospital 4 times, as well as 5 months in a residential treatment facility. My grades were failing because I refused to attend classes and I found out I didn't meet graduation requirements. My 18th birthday reared it's ugly head and with the feeling of failure fresh in my head, I decided I never wanted to see it come. That hospitalization was a really pivotal moment for me. I can't name a time in my life where I felt more useless. After that I went full fledge recovery. I've had 9 hospitalizations total. It has not been easy, but the past 3 years have been ultimately fruitful. I managed to graduate, I'm holding my first job, my emotions are better, and I'm maintaining more and more successful personal relationships. I have a lot of scars and I would like something to distract a little bit, mostly for my sake. I want to see something that reminds me how far I came, rather than the mistakes I made. I'm sure people make these requests a lot so I'm not sure it'll get seen, but if anyone feels up to the task for any reason, comment below and we can figure out a way to get in touch. Stay positive folks, recovery is yours for the taking.",4.667096862960925,6.048880651898736,6.0866152999449685,75.89547881122729,70.0126582278481,8.913373692900382,31.144193725921852,9.318704503766252,2.8804421023665374,1290,55,237,27,23,437,187,316,0.093,0.799,0.109,0.8955,1,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,2,1,1,6,8,14,1,2,18,0,23,7,2,4,4,54,52,17,0,7,6,0,4,1,1,3,4,0,0,3,11,17,1,4,10,0,0,4,6,7,1,2,18,8,36,7,36,30,10,36,0,2,3,0,14,16,0,5,15,157,47,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593257205908406,0.0,0.09666892279234572,0.0,0.0,0.17671477209311784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716692884757812,0.0,0.15406193183983632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117596240427291,0.137957914072108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445279612679655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088523075504272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825787297598445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421436809470058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778793941289615,0.0,0.12133027148715908,0.0,0.0,0.21497210600285427,0.0,0.13855276272235048,0.09762932964047263,0.0,0.13204105360125065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475933243117572,0.2593740097746133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253978207069885,0.1123190688592826,0.0,0.0,0.06944693064123507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851075375328287,0.061735583945314476,0.12665098448909365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148621053500176,0.0,0.1195696723914666,0.08434965684384545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086338297091514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746052218129743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062974549024758,0.08760561973703494,0.2206741874353199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095269132977011,0.12992432475215968,0.0,0.13566878050500542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139317991257807,0.0,0.13182631373278794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456398916166745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468833744494313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210419445885782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381951416639563,0.0,0.09501079660124198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096962618160075,0.0,0.0,0.1473689619722733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236001540203785,0.10030270050346007,0.0,0.0,0.11361736215114815,0.1171416739135426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976611096136118,0.0,0.0,0.0813749537205007 bpd,bellanandbobbi,2018/01/16,"I was dating a guy with BPD and we just stopped speaking. I don't know if we're broken up or not. So I was dating a guy with BPD. I met him around spring last year. From the day we met, he was really honest with me about his disorder, telling me he was prone to mood-changes and deep anxiety. He said sometimes he'd have heaps of energy and sometimes he wouldn't even be able to leave the house. He'd call me almost daily and confide in me about his problems etc and even when we had arguments he'd want to discuss everything with me, so it felt really refreshing to have such strong communication. There were a couple of obstacles I had to deal with, like occasionally he'd text me these long emotional rants about how I should just forget about him because I deserve better etc, but it was never anything too difficult. Anyway about 4 months ago he decided to return to education so he's been very busy studying, making new friends and he's also getting involved with evening activities as well. He seems to be doing well, only he's been too busy to make time for me. He hardly ever calls me anymore and it seems to be me who initiates texts etc. It feels like when I'm not around him he almost forgets who I am and then when I see him he's like ""oh yeah, you're the girl I'm dating, wow it's been a while"". Yet his friends say he always talks about me which I find weird because he doesn't talk TO me much these days. The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. He invited me out for drinks with a few of his friends. Only something felt a bit off, like he wasn't treating me like his girlfriend, but more like someone who was dragging him down. It was nothing major, just little comments he'd make or he'd offer to buy someone else a drink but tell me ""you can get your own can't you?"". I was really hurt by his sudden change in attitude. I ended up snapping at him and said ""if you're going to act like this, then maybe I should just leave"" and he replied ""that's up to you"". I then told him to go f*ck himself. Later that night he asked if I got home okay and I said 'yes'. That was the last time we spoke. Since then I've not heard a word from him and I've not attempted to make contact. The only contact we had was when he created a new Facebook account a few days ago and sent me a friend request. I accepted and saw he'd also added a bunch of other girls. Then for some reason he deactivated his account just 2 days later and I haven't heard anything since. I don't even know if we've broken up or not. I told myself not to contact him until he contacts me but it's been 2 weeks now and its getting a bit silly. I don't even know how it's come to this. Here I am fretting over him, and I wonder if he's even realized we're not speaking. I wouldn't be surprised if he even remembers what happened that night. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like i can't avoid him forever as I loaned him a couple of things I'd like returning at some point. I think he'd reply to me if I contacted him but something is stopping me.",2.9633567869647206,4.057620938291142,4.254888230541344,88.50737543765152,73.79430379746836,7.2141664422300025,25.15566927013197,7.616502295504843,1.094508914624293,2371,74,519,29,47,782,265,632,0.053,0.813,0.133,0.9944,0,1,4,0,0,0,59.0,5,4,0,3,42,29,0,1,20,3,51,2,0,7,2,101,92,52,0,13,27,0,5,9,5,4,0,9,1,4,24,33,2,3,17,2,4,5,18,5,2,0,36,17,88,24,60,40,14,71,0,1,3,0,106,17,0,17,58,326,112,0,0.06339705525257988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061950868662876725,0.16859299296595145,0.0,0.1269659862996018,0.0,0.0,0.10139720436152586,0.05275142860235493,0.0,0.0,0.04311217154941212,0.0,0.048498573742852616,0.0,0.06287284351363752,0.044328695087559614,0.0,0.10434074938737233,0.11287364026207332,0.059267688687776925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729251290356008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560695434638582,0.1384263292849278,0.0,0.15969274354298998,0.0,0.12947096325718369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134131356615381,0.054610949541190834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029527161143407,0.0,0.16354342372156025,0.06535958021005529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265851778274336,0.0,0.055479190276748885,0.0,0.0,0.1242099572730412,0.0,0.0,0.052960104731080884,0.07131315414879874,0.0561509737108561,0.0,0.21211342458404284,0.29311209957722595,0.05734626602586911,0.0,0.0,0.05697718539529785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411091200815831,0.09058173787954732,0.12174223005671556,0.0,0.05794375996636321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959216304997924,0.0,0.099367034257538,0.0,0.07206001497150552,0.0,0.05070441651670257,0.0,0.0,0.12554610394176444,0.056061806587866164,0.0,0.05679130905561105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359241549826664,0.0,0.0,0.07315168990990502,0.06786785885697112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452409077176752,0.15503118456930276,0.0,0.1342566554006801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787533899871156,0.0635405043670927,0.0,0.05610439890954833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927210666919587,0.0,0.06369086314460459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05060292465942159,0.0,0.0466041301693154,0.0,0.04889571731527391,0.12245854202999555,0.0,0.11898768344048855,0.0,0.0608311843428858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464895190092442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993070895287006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066241991738889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184133090754096,0.06518273156429415,0.0,0.0,0.07181650508384893,0.0,0.18091535197433106,0.050415882908327915,0.0,0.0,0.05051924499189272,0.1154285961501451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488539846405284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743223836858118,0.0976123008666427,0.12540261740661365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600555384675284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191230314850426,0.11082364125815376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042118186491879074,0.04062227314495851,0.0,0.0,0.11090199823017773,0.0,0.0,0.1211572062299138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230921006011712,0.037393225749034566,0.0,0.10170658734439343,0.0,0.11400313270465355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875140208410463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04082562502855791 bpd,Pandora268,2018/01/16,"Could use some advice! This is my first post so I'm sorry if it's not up to par, but here goes nothing. I'm an 18 year old girl with a lot on her mind. After a 2 year relationship with my second ever FP took a negative turn, I cut all contact with him and blocked him off of all social media. Lasted about 4 months, surprisingly; I found another guy who was very emotionally vulnerable immediately after, and manipulated him into falling in love with me. I hurt him as badly as I could, just to see if I could make him care for me again repeatedly during that timeframe. The game got boring, though, thus driving me back to my ex. At this point in my exes life, he was virtually homeless and hadn't any family he could rely on. I didn't care to spend time with him anymore as I'd find whenever I would, my intense feelings of love mixed with sympathy would drive me to spend too much money on him as a result of his situation. Without seeing him irl, I grew bored and began to play with the feelings of any guy who expressed interest in me, and quickly found a new FP in one; the guy who fell in love with me post-breakup with my ex. He had grown to resent me for hurting him so many times, so I'd put great effort into bringing his feelings back and then ignore him for days when he'd express any affection; immediately redirecting my attention to my ex. This went on for 3 months before I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The intense feelings of hate I felt for myself originally, about my manipulative tendencies, my impulses and the things that brought me joy, were replaced with understanding and a desire to use this knowledge to better myself. I had to start somewhere, so I ghosted and blocked my ex. He fell for me because he was broken and easily manipulated, used me to feel better about himself, and I felt the only reason I still talked to him was because I wanted his validation when ignoring FP and that was wrong. I told FP the truth about everything; talking to my ex, the reasons why I'd do what I did, the truth behind my manipulations. He was insanely okay with everything and extremely supportive, also stopped flirting with me and started just focusing on being a good friend. He however wasn't familiar with BPD, and had no idea about the fact that I obsessed over him as I really didn't feel comfortable sharing that with him, we have too many mutual acquaintances. It's now one month later. Despite the initial positive reaction, over time FP started doing cocaine excessively and making passive aggressive comments towards me every time we talked as a result of all the shit I've put him through, so over time I distanced myself from him. I told him not to talk to me again after one particularly bad fight and the distance I created has made it easy to stay away. I've started seeing someone who is aware of my BPD and familiar with what it means to be with someone with BPD. We're building a fairly healthy relationship thus far, but I'm aware that as I grow closer to him, despite my best efforts it'll be increasingly difficult. I excersize when I start to feel I'm splitting, smoke weed when my negative emotions are extremely strong and sing until my brain stops being dumb when I want to get upset at him over unreasonable things. I don't want to be my BPD. At nights I find myself thinking of my ex, however. Tonight is one of the worst since I stopped talking to him initially. I want to stalk him so badly that I had my finger over the unblock button; just to stop and then immediately start writing this. Is it wrong that I want to see if he's okay, and explain to him that I am not well? He did contribute to a lot of the problems in our relationship, but I found out the reasoning behind why I did the things I did, and it wasn't because he let me down and didn't do the things a boyfriend should do. I'm just not sure if telling him that is taking a step backwards; he might've moved on with his life completely. I also question if I was wrong to cut off my old FP because I feel like I broke him down. Some days I feel like I'm doing well; and others I feel like my the hopelessness of my diagnosis is leading me into complete isolation slowly. I can't trust my own judgement at this point and my therapists on vacation, so I decided to write an unnecessarily long text post to distract myself from doing something I may or may not regret and hopefully receive some advice. Thanks for reading! I apologize once again for any errors.",8.773366819747416,6.9538878163031015,9.010401549942596,69.2461189724455,61.766934557979326,12.154316877152699,38.76696326061997,10.9516,4.139212835820894,3572,148,665,75,40,1189,364,871,0.181,0.6779999999999999,0.141,-0.9912,2,1,3,0,1,1,77.0,3,0,0,8,38,62,8,3,34,2,58,9,3,20,8,158,124,60,1,21,19,6,13,3,1,6,3,0,0,5,34,51,0,8,29,4,3,19,17,29,2,6,36,17,124,33,124,71,13,114,0,5,4,3,88,38,2,15,57,468,158,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889653610829256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093375039653489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764599342569905,0.05306123069616751,0.0,0.0,0.05018417475801661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047542801692618215,0.07782054073834309,0.12675315400624534,0.1233874836342391,0.0,0.04305907943522614,0.0,0.05310429923576075,0.08950776235155121,0.0,0.0,0.2549287769308617,0.0564892288725895,0.0,0.0,0.1031854317379588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611171164040696,0.0,0.0,0.1616082111945598,0.0,0.0,0.06526897224544109,0.0,0.0,0.0513605665390422,0.0,0.0,0.057994955378099636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384221200596502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045772942261434316,0.042634866925233744,0.0,0.09095669511042004,0.0,0.04770362099800725,0.0,0.2558619136905568,0.1084515072706879,0.09717284931246473,0.0,0.09249970619374974,0.04304253960482025,0.0,0.16644939348795842,0.03909543768982103,0.0,0.026437766204972492,0.0,0.0,0.042443054036101296,0.04047151611530874,0.055789537230103416,0.0,0.15031356786897246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049959584125472696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050259792459569165,0.0,0.0,0.10834224440928568,0.057124167928297005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124786698876683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174457959198115,0.07148421561455955,0.0741656124527418,0.0,0.0,0.04478170227754274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604102970438783,0.13701244703941426,0.04788139684854509,0.06755524728972995,0.102606173462858,0.0,0.05512105824256347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368135432367202,0.05109419357344788,0.0,0.12117152044305113,0.053782547936281316,0.037198728133792436,0.0,0.0,0.04887229947308033,0.0,0.047487105450653135,0.0,0.04855455257305709,0.0,0.1061978177906176,0.05389010986642626,0.1371585060087962,0.03848555208198585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418423221997076,0.0,0.0,0.09567161284220584,0.0,0.14538988822718374,0.0,0.0,0.04841984730208845,0.0,0.1017391646338898,0.05668648490906756,0.0,0.05061628660318146,0.0,0.032417316715798984,0.1560836798156532,0.0,0.16298474160029378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612948597603214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051942834353918124,0.041858987695876426,0.056879434498477724,0.0,0.05158297084817764,0.08575082537446149,0.03895634817408216,0.0,0.056645459769953437,0.21490065390102728,0.05393563106000725,0.04041129599440938,0.1692241337362731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742322266758251,0.04769234487850476,0.0,0.038046852232449,0.2033622365945307,0.044228896526785695,0.04658806879857807,0.0,0.058753510461898965,0.13447245667778496,0.03242409823777572,0.0497167905251116,0.0,0.14753389405155204,0.0,0.0,0.0967058919375298,0.056221342537107435,0.0,0.05504109009100387,0.0,0.052679083724933816,0.0,0.13111317922118615,0.0,0.04175243861113611,0.1492336015746195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909956161497728,0.04690911051252064,0.09132193858570717,0.0,0.0,0.048779093723548786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189326016415873,0.16597797457124466,0.0,0.06517282141355699 bpd,badluckfistfck,2018/01/16,"[good news] First anniversary at my current job is in 10 days The weight of the world and my life is weighing down on my shoulders, and my emotions may be giving me whiplash, but I'm trying really hard to focus on a positive right meow. This is the first time I've ever stayed at a job for a full year. Most of my old jobs lasted 3-8 months tops. BPD makes it hard for me to stay in one place for so long, especially when working a food industry job! It's been frustrating, I've wanted to quit many times, but I did it and I'm super proud of myself. If anything this will be a good reminder of all the power I have within me. Anyone else do anything they're proud of recently? I'd love to hear about it. :)",2.7370024570024576,3.7714815945945968,4.247813267813267,88.57187960687962,74.27027027027026,7.273710073710076,23.58968058968059,7.686295010490155,0.9308837837837838,548,15,121,7,11,183,98,148,0.047,0.7240000000000001,0.229,0.9879,6,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,9,4,7,1,0,9,0,11,6,1,1,2,13,18,8,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,11,6,21,12,3,29,0,0,0,1,3,13,0,3,14,73,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923974928969961,0.13539617046016467,0.21748494133075846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664295453325462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522133519729998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038856187958246,0.14864314505335394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953095387374715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224801621304013,0.1597879003416647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676365437043285,0.0,0.2216706413703548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367484341558953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489348209855294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5245263476657136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771422248245596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333654400586884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116942440771058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926426165089801,0.0,0.08820651184708507,0.13397231182234978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547532162971993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386619019083475,0.0,0.0895435504314452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806136182339054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055039926860394,0.0,0.0,0.0846542214161218,0.0,0.13047531981821087,0.0,0.0,0.1128494425092671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28169381778269603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410735000575662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971645671455222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794139447862553,0.0,0.0,0.160914635107843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620171406833176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509579158918736 bpd,gatorpeste,2018/01/16,"love when suddenly everything comes down on you i thought i was doing better and being better there hasn't been any jealousy outbursts in quite some time and i haven't felt like dying and haven't even really felt like self harming. then recently i completely fucked up in a way with my (ex???) job because i don't have my birth certificate and it's taking forever to get it and i was so excited for this job bc it pays well for starting and full time with PTO and benefits. i went through the training and stuff so i'm really hoping that *somehow* i won't be ""fired"". but anyways i'm basically certain that i will be fired so i've just been absolutely hating myself because, wow, look at that, i fucked something else up in my life because i'm an incompetent piece of shit. now suddenly i'm *this* close to self harming again. everything is boring. i don't draw i don't get any enjoyment from games i just flip mindlessly between different websites and read sometimes. food doesn't even taste good and now i'm extremely paranoid that because i'm so horrible and short tempered and worried my bf will hate me, that he will hate me and leave me and find someone much better who doesn't mess everything up. i love my boyfriend with all of my heart but i just don't want to live. i don't have anyone to hang out with and i haven't left the house in almost a week now. i'm really just a waste of space and time and effort and i think it would be so much better if i just disappeared. i really love it when you think you're fine. and then suddenly your brain remembers, hey, that's right, i'm mentally ill! and it just kicks you to the ground and keeps kicking and kicking. i was mostly looking forward to this job so i can 1) get the health benefits and see if they will cover a psychiatrist because i had to suddenly stop taking my antidepressants ~4 months ago when i moved across country, and 2) we would be able to move to an apartment that allows dogs so i could get a puppy. i want one to help motivate me to get out of the house and take walks and he may even be an emotional support animal. i dunno. i'm sorry i just really had to vent all this out somewhere, not too sure of the point of even typing all this out was",2.623880846325168,4.58513555011136,3.9516698218262825,86.7240303452116,76.57238307349668,7.6080400890868605,25.033463251670376,8.472884824447931,1.6720204454342982,1758,62,361,35,40,577,213,449,0.185,0.688,0.127,-0.9859,4,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,1,4,1,7,30,32,7,0,14,0,39,13,3,2,5,77,80,42,1,8,12,1,4,2,1,8,3,0,0,2,20,37,2,2,8,2,1,8,13,11,1,1,12,8,46,21,42,53,9,56,0,0,3,5,19,25,3,9,26,234,66,8,0.07772835200668188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890149419352955,0.0,0.07783371669750698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571588956661496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054349470997274565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369124096739666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27497764328953544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677054714885654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695609271511213,0.08149669823522349,0.0,0.0,0.06205976426376868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066975765878401,0.08120958421057481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493206421729937,0.08743393405735554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535537370746595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095716924916065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926281471948574,0.0,0.0710423055662807,0.0,0.09398943178053523,0.0,0.0,0.14371721786439928,0.2030492790203539,0.0,0.0,0.0651948538665221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23022196636853506,0.0,0.08262160344149859,0.0,0.09210847137534148,0.052099675906737856,0.0,0.0,0.0772017918874607,0.0,0.17937616441480864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140018705548826,0.06908853066558325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230310168703922,0.08445208188534839,0.0,0.05490183372278197,0.07594829315950208,0.0,0.0686355588713233,0.0,0.13054447859984744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21045861721051887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833189691923444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062042028999999374,0.1652258741933437,0.11427856452743862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267074294528873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347841666997806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826736701310723,0.07774938640262696,0.0,0.24897386321842235,0.0,0.07674737038834216,0.0,0.08805107058690881,0.06637958791320638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193943302566631,0.0,0.1621752461332983,0.0,0.07978703634842678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585898041722542,0.059839082838439785,0.07687532764342282,0.08701052635757263,0.05501652761596164,0.0,0.0,0.0649843827227951,0.0,0.0,0.08898036670236309,0.0,0.08820521273453788,0.07325805188903657,0.0,0.1753261418887886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961037886517367,0.0,0.06170762915213347,0.1359720813898351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916923917713986,0.0616971478659245,0.06234899547784314,0.0,0.06988712325381374,0.07205496103722983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893691448677892,0.0,0.11043198226035868,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,corrosivedude,2018/01/16,"New to the /r asking for advice Hi! So I just came across this subreddit (been using reddit for a while, never actually thought of looking for BPD) and I was wondering if any fellas wanted to share experiences or advice. A little bit about me. I’m currently 21 and living in the USA.Was diagnosed with BPD and a couple of other things at 17 after a big issue in my personal life. Before that I was just simply diagnosed with heavy depression with nihilistic thoughts. For some time I was taking some pills for it (an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer) but around a year after I started the symptoms got worse and the pills stopped working. I dropped them and started looking after myself. Not long after that I moved out of my house on my own and been working full time. I don’t really want to blame all of my issues on my disorders, but I can say that I have few acquaintances because of them. Wanted to know from fellow users, what suggestions do you guys have for the disorder? There’s weeks where everything is peachy, but there’s that 1 day or 2 where it’s hell. (Writing this during lunch break so gotta keep it short)",4.879583333333333,6.425260199074078,5.572222222222227,79.15750000000003,69.69444444444444,8.733333333333334,27.85185185185185,9.188382445141503,2.388496296296296,897,31,163,18,16,291,136,216,0.108,0.8759999999999999,0.017,-0.9686,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,2,2,10,4,1,0,12,0,11,7,0,1,2,37,30,16,0,4,9,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,2,12,13,1,2,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,9,3,20,1,32,20,7,35,1,1,2,0,12,14,1,6,17,117,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.11917148841927627,0.0,0.0,0.23866847011208925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304577683084201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871267675006163,0.11416570010637887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444320880389002,0.0,0.10391511186991537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333233937906976,0.0,0.30761168981191983,0.0,0.0,0.139672728625225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512343959886186,0.0,0.07875728698197369,0.0,0.1051817633233584,0.2478984264229555,0.0,0.0,0.2799201634150925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975356732759936,0.1194567773945978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767050712251957,0.0,0.0,0.12091798389208765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409100654578317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549230711732937,0.0,0.10854585290339767,0.0,0.0,0.06711394952374529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625695625581707,0.0,0.12239630609515602,0.1078341832633655,0.10807234299786554,0.2051000598064342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979421666120455,0.0,0.0,0.09418646016228206,0.11794424157917385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066304596904225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823318884724867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971147128586696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287430652604036,0.0,0.0,0.10209777484181592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692942234106308,0.0918190299906562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113109106358783,0.0,0.0,0.19389925281191675,0.1424182895320252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547245679729712,0.0,0.0,0.21608859184793008,0.0,0.09795728504592356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243391341909555,0.17780960566967102,0.0,0.1244506967552869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864126587118041 bpd,QuiteUnimportant,2018/01/16,"Ego boundaries Many of us have problems with ego boundaries: they are too thin, thick or even broken (my case). **Here's a text on ego boundaries:** [Boundaries](http://soulselfhelp.on.ca/bound.html) ________________________________________________ Seen a post today about oversharing, which is the thing that comes with thin ego boundaries. I have a big problem with that, and even when I want to stop, there is some pressure inside of me that tells me to do it, and when I start, I'm unable to stop. I usually tell people that I'm mentally ill after a few meetings with them. And as the post said, I'm not even sure that I can trust them, but I continue talking. Even though I do trust them, why should I even talk about my mental illness anyway? There are fun things to talk about, mental illnesses aren't really the appropriate topic. That's a huge, huuuge problem and I'm trying to avoid it, but I feel so helpless, and not only when it comes to that but also to other characteristics of thin/broken ego boundaries. I used to have thick ego boundaries and through my journey with BPD came to the point where I don't have them at all (or at least they are extremely weak, thin). In my opinion (which my psychiatrist agrees with), it's easier to loosen your ego boundaries than to try to create them again, because when you don't have them... You're starting from zero, and you can't build a house without any material. ________________________________________________ What to do, where to go, I really have no idea. I'm really lost, have no identity, can't form opinions on things because I've lost my ego, can't form my own taste in things, 2 of my previous psychiatrists told me that I'm a hopeless case. When I asked them how to solve an ego boundary problem, they just told me ""I don't know"" and getting no answer made me feel even more hopeless; like there is no solution, but they are trying to hide that from me. I've been through psychosis, depression, anorexia, dissociation, anxiety, I've basically experienced almost every mental state that a person can be in. This situation often makes me suicidal, although I'm sure that I'm not going to do anything to myself, but you know, it just really hurts. ________________________________________________ Here is also an example of how our ego boundaries differ from ego boundaries of a healthy individual: [Signs of healthy/unhealthy boundaries - PDF format](http://www.sascwr.org/files/www/resources_pdfs/incest/Signs_of_healthyunhealthy_boundaries.pdf) **Can anyone relate and does anyone have any idea on what to do? Thanks in advance.**",5.1986000000000026,7.272368926666669,4.992111111111111,81.53550000000003,69.73333333333333,7.755555555555558,27.61111111111111,8.430304187100639,1.979111111111112,1947,68,348,31,36,599,205,450,0.187,0.731,0.08199999999999999,-0.9942,0,1,0,0,0,2,102.0,2,4,11,3,33,21,0,2,15,0,34,5,0,5,3,61,66,29,1,6,13,0,7,1,0,1,4,1,0,1,26,18,1,3,7,0,0,7,15,14,0,1,9,11,47,7,53,55,8,43,0,7,1,0,28,19,0,7,15,238,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399680999824198,0.0,0.0,0.13416257310064642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408677198639428,0.0,0.06417034361078948,0.0,0.0,0.11730603092243845,0.0,0.06902864583498912,0.0,0.07841937720225102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022687210939638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564783079640112,0.0,0.0,0.09593992224217243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451573011406985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224839303894806,0.0,0.0,0.08763998822621266,0.0,0.0,0.07340666804314039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324239874306905,0.0,0.07067513148059801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482763378935249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382545876984691,0.0,0.09534540017275484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678983761703552,0.08979859585298057,0.18938762427156405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219991851022426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04098104665232959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831366301464664,0.0,0.0,0.07937221954228164,0.05599262210409492,0.08504429969167518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381377501422879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379687916623747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058153981221427425,0.07324348934856181,0.0,0.0,0.07929664502578597,0.0,0.16067364901791314,0.0,0.0,0.32105920070975513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495065296251956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979203926157145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428812147511907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874578301023055,0.0,0.0,0.14026005900845007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175449906547714,0.0,0.15811766227943347,0.0,0.0,0.2022661804205194,0.14663505729965198,0.07722829048676805,0.0,0.0,0.22291282327414855,0.0,0.08241472204703845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951137272404081,0.16030779783173793,0.0,0.17085336055613407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090104373342232,0.0724480677325013,0.09238538619522617,0.0,0.049476427033794894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569145258417581,0.0,0.0,0.08086031717800005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,witchdagger,2018/01/16,"Does anyone else feel like they're fine until they're not? Sometimes I think I don't even have borderline. Sometimes I think I'm making it all up. Sure, my head gets loud. No, I don't really know what I'm feeling. And yes, I'm incessantly bored. But my life is together, I don't have outbursts, for the most part I take care of myself. There are times when my DBT program feels horribly derivative because *of course* I know how to regulate my emotions and no I don't need to do my homework because I'm a fucking adult and my feelings aren't a school project. And I find it so hard to articulate to my therapist that, really, everything is fine and they shouldn't take me seriously... And then I'm cutting myself again. At work, no less, without warning. Then I can't get out of bed in the mornings. Then I'm going home with strangers and having a breakdown in their stairwell. I'm a 30 year old man, mind you. This is not a good look for me, or anyone for that matter. But really, *truly*, I'm fine. I'm really just making all this up. I promise.",1.2443784445805264,3.529951755868545,3.2010818534394803,88.60704837721985,83.08450704225352,6.333455807307613,23.345376607470907,7.586124646067393,1.1621497856705454,816,30,170,14,23,274,119,213,0.08900000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.115,0.4852,0,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,2,1,7,12,2,0,7,1,15,3,1,3,3,36,43,17,0,2,7,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,3,2,7,9,0,0,9,0,0,1,13,4,0,0,0,7,25,8,19,42,5,16,0,0,1,1,5,6,1,2,10,103,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996363049238436,0.1465099806883421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743305488639662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578766354427894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251313656154731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944965662045663,0.16084431514721906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444343549757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851004100590874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891998217860217,0.10215196458482632,0.0,0.0,0.1306901160113885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321917956196453,0.14941257111336806,0.0,0.08126441675406805,0.11993308701407562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809080344846435,0.0,0.14674882024737862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343046022103892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571669443713132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009979470862488,0.06985760924257903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007544600972245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190893646450726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443789685479768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602514864498737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150043775254174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484405384908062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664117914918924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471334389397947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828412002692951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476622448878867,0.0,0.21502111678979144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602221594647062,0.0,0.1832442213982252,0.0,0.0,0.08337852096015448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137837095488888,0.0,0.10409830073062136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208076373222898 bpd,cirquedujerk69,2018/01/16,"Why am I like this?! I honestly ruin anything good that comes my way. Especially friendships and relationships. I’m sick of it, and on top of that I’m too anxious to try and fix the issue.",0.5902631578947393,3.051872236842108,3.2108421052631577,85.57889473684213,89.78947368421049,6.197894736842105,23.389473684210525,7.554174236665415,1.3896673684210523,147,6,30,3,5,51,30,38,0.188,0.536,0.276,0.5081,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,4,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048938072606054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29493544621625634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30873277920263564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006117532807912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374080015672198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509778925269784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847911045610011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24333237080360226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28448392307730463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234033070275717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,enchantedlily,2018/01/16,"I cut out a friend.. Feeling bad He recently went back to visit his family in another country and things got strained. He and I had a brief fling but nothing to serious and decided we're better as friends. When he was here, we saw each other every week for drinks with our other friends and messaged everyday. Since he went away, he's been distant. I was understanding but then I realised how he wasn't really acting the same or like he was interested in any thing I had to say. I became clingy and felt myself losing self esteem and getting more and more hurt. I decided to block him and tell him that I don't want us to be friends anymore. I needed to block or or I'd just be tempted to talk to him again. I just don't want to have a one sided friendship like this. It hurts because I now realise how I valued our friendship more than he did, clearly, but I'm not angry at him. I just feel sad and lonely now knowing I have one less friend in my small circle of friends. I guess sometimes these things happen. ",2.971323529411766,4.705360151960786,4.0713725490196095,87.24617647058822,74.93137254901961,6.760784313725492,26.215686274509807,7.5105763829236425,1.3429686274509804,797,29,161,10,17,259,124,204,0.15,0.621,0.229,0.969,0,2,1,0,0,0,18.0,4,0,0,2,11,19,1,1,4,0,14,1,0,2,1,40,30,20,0,3,10,0,3,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,9,13,1,2,7,1,0,5,4,9,0,2,13,5,26,10,20,15,6,22,0,5,1,0,29,8,0,4,11,109,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545714350138088,0.13177168744573606,0.0,0.0,0.12462683779049988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806728043695353,0.09662934534773028,0.10492580473121584,0.07660478618215112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114130533545766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310477252133932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587896822318202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846665736370272,0.0,0.12708094281927435,0.0,0.12065900243752314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5825351272362521,0.0,0.06565526316329298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050652617800516,0.0,0.13843519256660333,0.0,0.1111259692645027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690559600703171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906271016138056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278805416714113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058803458555796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931796967864518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057985165026636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030897650872442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050481434484011,0.0,0.1240799480857113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993459354066203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109697452294547,0.0,0.0,0.10395215812162334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428682070541487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010055165597048,0.10983756412604948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504605853311636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082266778314874,0.15116064419448216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482420459916894,0.0,0.10080163115611,0.0,0.0,0.2329871572036425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_Suo_,2018/01/16,Thought I was doing much better. Started relationship. Constant crying and panic. I love her so much. Basically the title. I'm just so anxious and scared all the time and I just want to be with her all the time and anything not involving her just seems empty and pointless and Id give up everything just to be around her all the time and now I'm crying some more and I'm so so scared. Please I just want her to hold me. Please make everything else stop and leave me alone and just help me and love me. Please.,0.6312898751733691,3.1261686407767044,1.8288002773925096,95.0548786407767,90.74757281553396,4.884604715672676,18.036754507628288,6.5431188927421005,-0.05071095700416084,402,11,86,5,14,127,51,103,0.202,0.6,0.198,0.1236,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,3,4,0,4,2,0,1,3,31,16,15,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,13,3,6,12,7,9,0,0,0,2,11,2,0,2,7,57,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047506002181812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413464017297358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956004876064365,0.1293375599922428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849586359856482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700524415379344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191851704148705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136989126863865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26115185501745997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937395945548953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738381300755576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383953403049724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622570712460977,0.0,0.09698119596616213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21360751607425488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046474010472967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4784494016065191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559854666985072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909182506664734,0.0,0.0,0.13226518560690148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283594176801668,0.0,0.0,0.12146768411412867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534283301969253,0.2541566625485166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138983264436444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Alxani1776,2018/01/16,"I’m really, really fucking tired. I have been trying to do everything I am supposed to be. I practice mindfulness, I have healthy skills. I paint, play drums - go to work - live a semi social lifestyle. I feel like a broken record saying I do all of those things. But lately I have been slipping because I’m tired. Here I am, relapsed and just tired of being strong all the damn time. I’m quiet borderline - I internalize and push people away. And I’ve been doing that, I didn’t even realize I was doing it until today, when it hit critical point and I relapsed again. I just - I’m tired. I’m so tired. Therapy should be soothing this out, right?! Why do I always feel like I’m in my own personal war zone? Techniques have gotten easier, and I can manage better but this is just rough emotionally. ",1.9688235294117649,4.4735434838709685,3.800721062618596,84.05284629981027,81.90322580645163,6.743833017077799,22.02087286527514,7.928766900206844,1.373857685009488,620,20,116,12,17,208,96,155,0.139,0.7609999999999999,0.1,-0.7776,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,9,8,3,0,3,0,22,6,0,0,2,18,34,10,1,1,5,0,3,2,0,1,5,2,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,2,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,5,17,5,9,23,3,13,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,8,76,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097279858696584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389799217277216,0.0,0.0,0.0803878870053352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662998019063647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833813942265128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710014705567871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185179616854784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335679114874366,0.18841862519060493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191344774112525,0.0,0.0,0.07494584046400353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875724853474068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128851899677947,0.0,0.11644530480038975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331530277993705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914233720991436,0.11514545762665612,0.0,0.0,0.1246615714374334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689610334150734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261788312336585,0.0,0.1048698288168142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442679629434118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080701181840436,0.0,0.08760983151895586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768955660989408,0.7578367566767421,0.12499914299909133,0.0,0.0,0.0895323646432037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899387950722205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600431468968194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coffeeeprincess,2018/01/16,"nightmares for the past few months i’ve had almost daily nightmares about my boyfriend leaving me or cheating on me or otherwise abandoning me and it’s so exhausting. not to mention it’s also in conjunction with nightmares i’ve had even longer about my emotionally abusive ex. they don’t cause me to act out, but they can make my mood plummet. has anyone else dealt with this? has anyone been able to stop them? i just am so tired of being afraid to sleep. ",2.612840909090906,5.358656420454548,2.9942727272727296,89.26890909090912,81.38636363636364,5.792727272727273,24.70909090909091,7.1686216300943375,1.1952236363636364,367,14,69,5,10,113,65,88,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.9441,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,0,7,5,1,1,1,0,9,3,1,2,0,14,10,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,11,0,13,6,1,7,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,48,14,0,0.2451242547641613,0.29043215888076684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454565330210673,0.0,0.0,0.19602577797394574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34279315670781424,0.2511587664501342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518101322263673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20476986119808546,0.2757317937869787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190225844982273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25955119264692744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362234347611024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565584153095106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23399883755995635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453012805694077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493485292039687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817342716168327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wwgh9998888,2018/01/16,in a really bad place right now im trying to distract myself but i cant help it. i just feel terrible like nothing will get better and im nothing but incompetent. and these thoughts are so pervasive right now. they just won't stop,1.0260283687943286,3.5661907872340457,3.030957446808511,87.28416666666668,87.93617021276596,6.5375886524822695,22.72695035460993,7.793537801064563,1.4389886524822688,185,7,37,4,6,62,37,47,0.257,0.581,0.162,-0.6404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,7,5,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,4,2,2,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100419118713614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129110969762237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217231652028853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257744279695777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613600148246151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5200715704826269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761126625872707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619846493722632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515174899662762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422140564475453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111738164705784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126576177343508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111719567323426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634436869482567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-pom,2018/01/16,"My girlfriend has BPD. She is making my life miserable and I don't know what to do. It's so difficult for me because I find myself sacrificing *so much* for her. I sacrifice so much time spent making friends and pursuing my interests in order to spend time with her. And she finds some way to be angry at me every few days. I'm constantly stressed by her when she's upset, yet I'm so happy with her when she's happy. I feel like I lost control of my life. I feel like I constantly have to reassure her and make her feel loved. But I don't get that in return all the time. I don't have any unconditional love. If I mess up a lot, then she brings up breakups. If I make her feel unsure about our relationship, then she brings up breakups. If I take even *one day* to try and pursue my hobbies without her, then she brings up breakups. It's so difficult because when we're happy, we're *so incredibly happy.* There's no feeling that can replace it. But when she's upset, it feels like the whole damn world is about to end. And it's a roller coaster. The worst part is she assumes the worst from me before anything even happens. If I tell her to wait 1 hour before we call (long distance), then she'll tell me that it's because I don't want to talk to her and I'm trying to push it back as far as I can to avoid her. It's taxing on my mentality. But I don't know what to do because I try my best to communicate my intentions to her but it just doesn't work. If she's upset, very few things can bring her back other than time. If she starts to get a little upset, then it snowballs and becomes an avalanche. I try really really really really hard. And it's so rewarding and I'm so happy that I sacrifice for her - most of the time. But when she has an episode... it makes me question myself. Help please. And please don't judge me - this was a very difficult post for me to write and I've spent the past year feeling like a mix between the best boyfriend in the world and the biggest piece of shit that the Earth could produce.",1.5458770883054918,3.5187990501193376,3.111479116945109,91.4119442124105,79.97852028639619,6.385704057279236,22.169510739856804,7.461004344511776,0.7316705966587111,1578,49,349,23,40,519,177,419,0.112,0.748,0.14,0.9511,0,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,2,0,0,7,23,33,2,7,17,0,23,5,1,8,1,59,57,44,0,8,13,0,8,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,22,16,0,3,13,1,4,5,9,16,0,1,4,8,65,17,43,50,15,51,2,2,0,2,42,14,2,11,33,235,87,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294809606679585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640729035872399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974048395990534,0.0,0.1898531784125619,0.08599126973360682,0.1325078176410462,0.0,0.16342046535558452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806310401916796,0.0,0.07950470544663896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16827998943855418,0.08732764325649603,0.06216560960876459,0.0,0.0,0.10042770520590896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896166542849727,0.0,0.0,0.10285280764765388,0.0,0.06560118383600873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755817468894008,0.22249542933120905,0.0,0.0,0.14232694197062287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015515422006005,0.0,0.08135823498955652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885215506925542,0.4144219897193903,0.06974809153812135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521885339331249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667732303912206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558065159758041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999094187692006,0.15215565186289345,0.07803709737760499,0.0,0.06890446471312367,0.0,0.0,0.08499439257954265,0.0661945704788439,0.14054504171927426,0.0,0.25986384596392803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846549502022562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447347107005185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276057494875139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431578966826245,0.07432705899154535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709358195499958,0.0,0.0,0.0745692393209063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722205053573033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951879827114888,0.0,0.0,0.08359349023679896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992311624638783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551103604465415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918942164115247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854172248407132,0.06258165877020183,0.1361077531685796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172733602563442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227006645117259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144981702500248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848682772877176,0.04592438835835594,0.06180237475453105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692893743055179,0.0,0.07505514911830301,0.0,0.05668367761658623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050139880184916025 bpd,vlameopotato,2018/01/16,"BPD lowkey makes it easier for people to fall in love with you? If nobody else relates to this I'm gunna feel like a twat. BPD obviously sucks, but the one (kind of) upside that I think about regularly is that since people with BPD struggle finding a sense of self and tend to copy mannerisms and phrases and things from their FP, it's super easy to get someone to totally fall in love with you. The whole ""oh my god I found my soulmate"" type of thing. Having someone be so seemingly similar to you and who thinks the sun rises and sets with you is kind of the ultimate fairytale ideal. Apart from the splitting and all of that🙃 Does anyone relate to this? ",6.733820598006643,6.24982940310078,6.87311184939092,78.60906976744191,65.04651162790698,9.85204872646733,30.831672203765226,9.23628265651192,2.454706755260244,519,16,101,8,7,167,86,129,0.049,0.726,0.226,0.9831,0,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,4,1,2,2,9,1,1,7,0,4,2,0,1,3,23,16,9,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,10,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,9,7,22,14,3,7,0,0,0,2,9,3,1,2,1,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895162861831208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887422735939499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635745701824992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016601663663574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878630604507028,0.11131647170709716,0.0,0.0,0.14241490763790882,0.0,0.0,0.17084648860268695,0.0,0.0,0.08140851873296429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245211170816531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612484609945612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812638121536798,0.0,0.10400978229132006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558636761549063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160492828847832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418509332932417,0.16255224626459125,0.0,0.0,0.12889433084334306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640483170832723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289489512533276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20703722515070516,0.1996838755834807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396532833240927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Chow_Mein_Kampf,2018/01/17,Quick question What does FP stand for? Thanks,2.3537500000000016,3.9966868750000017,-0.754999999999999,107.6,117.75,1.6,16.5,3.1291,-1.4462000000000002,37,1,7,0,2,9,8,8,0.0,0.7070000000000001,0.293,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167077511409742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6614403817094306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5436080585816584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Smokeandmirrorshere,2018/01/17,"I saw my ex yesterday and I have complicated feelings about it It was a messy break up. We broke up a few years ago. It was my most emotionally unstable period. We were about to get married but I got really sick and he fucked off. I was in hospital (psych) twice that summer and I was seeing the police multiple times a week because of my mental health issues. I was a high risk missing person once. It was the lowest point of my life probably. So anyway I bumped into him yesterday. He had one of his legs amputated because he got into an accident with his motorbike. He now has a fake leg I think. He was in a wheelchair. I knew about the accident but I didn't go see him mainly because the break up was so bad and I thought it would be unwise. His family don't like me for example. Honestly, part of me also thought it was simply some extreme karma. I just feel weird about the whole thing. He told me i cursed him. I told him that I might have said some horrible things but didn't curse him. (I hope you get hit by a bus etc.) He kept asking me whether I cried when I found out about the accident. I told him I didn't because why lie? Part of me misses him now. Seeing him brought it all back. It was a really shit relationship but a relationship nevertheless. I can't believe i'll never hold him again. I won't go back to him for sure but it's just crazy how we are strangers now. I don't even have his number. We agreed not to exchange numbers when I saw him.",0.6203894425987428,2.968789893687706,2.7638565891472884,90.13916989664084,86.94019933554817,6.400922849760059,20.32124400147656,7.6953281115453125,0.8802867478774452,1142,36,246,23,36,385,159,301,0.221,0.721,0.058,-0.9952,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,4,1,0,0,21,13,2,1,16,0,27,8,3,1,3,40,57,16,0,2,9,1,2,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,13,12,0,2,7,0,1,3,9,9,0,2,29,8,53,4,26,23,10,33,1,3,5,1,36,11,2,5,18,175,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288717513180873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928194440897703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850780257946432,0.0,0.0,0.1784980751468447,0.09691183413463768,0.2830156166606124,0.0,0.0,0.1307687577204463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749511933226365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056074604934972,0.0,0.0,0.1294463706886892,0.07666174205000846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941847030219176,0.0,0.11737481817483683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726244281638366,0.0,0.10730288752765073,0.1212813566700068,0.0,0.1319281053727666,0.0,0.18566017805367732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233747320352685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263209094373305,0.0,0.11528159694337285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114471445472677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198217828814186,0.05670490481175554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696912659251014,0.1231296817927408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951870671685616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360850733422805,0.07865060137176684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513804130825221,0.0,0.0,0.10134599847646727,0.0,0.0,0.1097216658770514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514080892796076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871211585772776,0.0,0.0,0.2492269382687897,0.0,0.0,0.11040713599749084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774732261412319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914201394488012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939260610737606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422068806973405,0.07437161280175386,0.0,0.18428986836516184,0.06768011596235347,0.0,0.0,0.33272350851905746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310265462463096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473321119057392,0.12958564633085734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245129392303739,0.0,0.0,0.07474391120799011 bpd,xenizondich23,2018/01/17,"Have any of you used a bullet journal to stay more on top of things? I think the thing that ended up helping me the most is my bullet journal. When things get rough / busy, it’s hard to remember to keep using it consistently, but at least when I am using it, I feel like I’ve got more control over my life. Have any of you guys tried using a bullet journal? What are some key spreads that you use? ",4.461219512195123,4.480387560975611,5.052341463414635,88.04997560975613,69.73170731707317,7.5356097560975615,26.15609756097561,6.742157984588678,0.8926897560975608,308,8,68,2,5,99,56,82,0.015,0.897,0.08800000000000001,0.6936,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,6,0,13,15,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,1,10,14,5,9,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,4,45,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229101773450072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889295312530128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919554264810542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517271985323407,0.12033977902625992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800748896315819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347238068536365,0.0,0.0,0.16679068827372448,0.0,0.0,0.1508969410909788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290760731750067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972493695539385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189802925852925,0.08229552210495128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190819530614902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954389256766254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357294775350493,0.10793511999756987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436560441901472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7274279266366841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,poligirl17,2018/01/17,"Can I take 3 seroquels at once They are 25mg per pill and one has absolutely no affect on me I'm having a really bad day today and I need to sedate myself They said to take it whenever I need it the people who prescribed me Can I take 3 at once or is that dangerous ? ",1.154576271186443,2.5204241186440735,4.212,85.88172881355933,79.0,7.4318644067796615,20.274576271186444,8.238735603445708,0.9040616949152538,209,5,47,4,5,76,43,59,0.166,0.8340000000000001,0.0,-0.855,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,6,13,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,9,0,5,12,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815308778273006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077633194781654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697020319156666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5309876282413216,0.16893050965021966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283157045520126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597064299881278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713911181577346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5623223225661569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363049808167117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wheaser,2018/01/17,Does anyone have experience with EMDR? My therapist is going to start doing emdr with me next week and I was wondering what any of your experiences have been like? Did it help at all? Thanks! ,2.0566666666666684,4.915889111111113,3.9346666666666685,79.67700000000005,88.44444444444444,7.3244444444444445,18.31111111111111,8.238735603445708,1.4674511111111106,152,4,27,4,5,51,33,36,0.0,0.782,0.218,0.8373,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467091265973746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20016406549644375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505135839056385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5600467782044026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269174547029525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19187827865082116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398552630538393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044474767031783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026207732115826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26355556442605604,0.0,0.3323772590520126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229625572898222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104436104548699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hellohello2204,2018/01/17,"thinking all actions are intentional hi bpd friends! my mother has bipolar definitively, but also seems to have borderline (she has all the symptoms, not to mention has childhood trauma and an abusive household growing up). either way, she has a lot of the symptoms. my question is, do you guys tend to attribute all actions as intentional? my mom does this a lot, and it creates some problems for us. for example, when i was in high school, i would accidentally do something or forget something and she would be like ""why did you do that? just to piss me off??"" assuming it was intentional. she also attributes emotions and intentions to other people very regularly. she'll say things like ""i know you did that for ____"" assuming my emotions/intentions onto me. usually she is wrong about that-- she'll assume i didn't call her because i don't love her, not because i'm busy. is this common? how do you guys think i should respond? thanks everyone, i wish you all luck on your recovery journey.",3.3068718758221536,6.267428900552488,4.2001578531965285,80.30103130755067,80.4364640883978,6.762536174690871,30.71849513285977,7.957251820313856,2.669309181794264,785,40,131,15,21,252,113,181,0.153,0.728,0.118,-0.8848,0,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,1,6,0,0,6,10,1,0,5,0,25,5,1,7,4,39,34,11,0,5,6,2,0,2,1,5,3,1,0,2,9,4,0,0,8,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,5,1,29,6,16,23,8,15,0,0,0,1,28,6,1,10,6,103,38,1,0.0,0.17269491965326844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331191980091831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777008422830763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835723407614656,0.0,0.14883135738327807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275505022544977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395388223327778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927440567615704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260935067775225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886391912713012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399733844205898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010270883628408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424163014822494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478300553514192,0.13154887635303675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17070558369943084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104762565346877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946710631209347,0.0,0.0,0.16327808652405248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590960780940235,0.0,0.14751105452910104,0.0,0.1326891699395704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244174426420094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30298889076544744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419090530106156,0.0,0.0,0.09683262885217782,0.1867868408501396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17532438331947578,0.0,0.16052768398712242,0.12026249810823575,0.0,0.11569291745128706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315205151092034,0.0,0.1676101625854013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707923541934106,0.1593593613280924,0.0,0.0 bpd,DocChickenDocChicken,2018/01/17,"how do you meet/date/go out with new people hi weird question. whats the best way to meet/date/go out with new people? im in this weird almost liminal state of coming home from work motivating myself to enough to like sorta work out and eat relatively okay, followed by weekends of sort of loud abrasive old friends getting drunk together. it becomes maddening to me and i feel like i'm stuck and sort of alone. dating apps never work for dating, the meetup groups around my area are sort of lame, im not really sure what to do. i was thinking of starting my own meetup group but i already have so many expenses that im not sure i can really afford it. im not miserable or suicidal for the record, which is a positive step. i love my job, and my life as a whole is going okay. i dont want to move (at least yet) but i need some sort of dramatic change. any advice? ",1.8175772681954143,3.880298926553672,3.537254901960786,88.24671984047859,79.5084745762712,6.8765702891326015,21.71119973413095,7.928766900206844,1.0198583582585576,678,20,142,12,17,226,114,177,0.093,0.728,0.179,0.9685,3,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,5,4,13,0,1,5,2,9,4,0,2,3,34,21,10,1,2,6,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,7,11,2,0,4,2,1,5,5,4,0,0,2,2,14,9,26,19,6,23,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,9,11,81,21,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005395936407215,0.0,0.0,0.1230230478508671,0.12724229243591456,0.13557521344415055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354663950646997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936834070107293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568536258743,0.0,0.0,0.128930327256891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996589704157238,0.1058300046239751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398691434852776,0.0,0.0,0.12571288055614138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694361610674515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211994271545406,0.08776871505786271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949186346141567,0.0,0.06418745558839584,0.0,0.20946655702862507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323509630893978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5308244509164508,0.0,0.12191612877943912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677718608026452,0.1200429698078696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088279661773827,0.0,0.0,0.12455721771614198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057702683071365,0.0,0.09109654521291216,0.0947545141229416,0.2373111652179685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891724021180245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034646945930046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762740786620214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574100520337417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695846988511842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343850811632107,0.0,0.231581612838358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872149066964555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246395250719494,0.0975177788781448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716490559034922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26832300676645304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,missmadime,2018/01/17,"Looking for friends I guess (does anybody here smoke??) (It's almost 6:30AM where I'm at and I just woke up from a nightmare and can't sleep anymore. Does anyone want to talk and help me distract myself?) Hi there y'all (let's overshare). I'm new to BPD, I'm new to this sub, I'm new to my city, and with not much to do, I'm pretty lonely now I guess. My poor FP bf is a little overwhelmed by me currently and I need to just give him a break, so I'm looking for someone (another girl?) to talk to and hopefully hit it off and be friends with. Do any of y'all like trees? I'd love someone to text and smoke with. What do you all of you like to do in your free time?",-0.20737442922374427,1.577793650684935,1.7840821917808216,99.60772146118723,85.09589041095892,4.715251141552511,20.007305936073056,5.6839178017228535,-0.36190173515981705,507,15,127,3,15,168,87,146,0.059,0.746,0.195,0.9669,1,2,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,0,0,7,10,0,2,3,0,8,2,1,0,1,21,25,9,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,15,8,23,21,2,13,0,2,2,1,16,6,0,4,8,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534384613428977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042021640675207,0.16067580113361465,0.0,0.0,0.15196372902930125,0.10714250274122347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929887647156347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26818652272828125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23677139369234484,0.0,0.0,0.14699289731824697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376018916033843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270734132691813,0.0,0.0,0.15219270854254338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668882291612896,0.0,0.14972160830123354,0.15357746601569866,0.0,0.0,0.2573504746152385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829673382054247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264223173173273,0.11361865906677293,0.0,0.4439736377041641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589075954255954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334141076938407,0.0,0.25966383335140863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24632214410744885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935008219779987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037946604125237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SailorVeganx,2018/01/17,"I thought I was doing well! (20f) Hi everyone been lurking for a while. So just over a year now since I was formally diagnosed with BPD. To put it short my anxiety's the worst which has kind twisted into a mild OCD ( constantly checking appliances in fear of a fire). My depression; most of the time I'm fine but some days always in the afternoon even if I've had a really good day, my mood will suddenly deplete. My mind feels different, cloudy and a feeling of dreadfulness. I have to work hard to bring my mood back up and calm myself down. Impulses, I've been able to stop over the top spending on clothes thank God, and it's almost been a year since I've had sex. attachment; I guess I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I got sick of breaking down when people left my life, so I stopped emotionally investing myself in people because I'm afraid of attachment. I need to find somewhere in the middle. I feel like through 2017 I made a lot of progress. I wanted to take responsibility for my actions and stop using BPD and my period as an excuse for losing my temper. I made a lot of progress when I start to heat up I calm myself down. But lately I literally have zero control. My anxiety has really reduced. But my temper. Jesus Christ! A couple of weeks ago I was crossing the road I was halfway across when a taxi driver saw me and kept going stopped right up to me and the cheek to honk at me. When I made it across he gave me a dirty look. And I guess by that point it was too late. Without a thought I just yelled at him "" don't you fucking beep at me!!!!"" And we continued to argue. Today my dad is taking me for a drive, we were at the light my dad didn't realise that it was green and someone started beeping at him. Like lightning my body was struck by heat, my body lunged forward and I had this image rush into my head of rolling down that wind poking my head out of the car and screaming "" who the fuck is beeping at us?!? 😡😡😡. "" Then I was like wait no, dad would think I'm a psycho. I feel like I've got the mind of a dog I had been snippy with my dad all morning too. What the fuck is going on, I have zero control, it's all impulse, my body and mouth have a mind of it's own and I fucking hate it. TL;DR I'm degenerating.",1.9068166254016743,3.6635208574514015,3.6214897539904136,89.21180371911711,78.00647948164145,6.590507296001687,24.03566348838434,7.499876790926021,1.013374166359374,1739,59,376,24,41,581,228,463,0.157,0.735,0.107,-0.9827,1,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,3,1,0,7,14,28,8,3,32,0,31,16,8,6,2,63,71,27,0,4,7,4,6,4,0,2,3,2,0,0,16,21,0,8,8,0,3,10,4,15,1,2,28,12,60,11,61,41,8,75,2,2,3,5,16,35,4,8,35,245,76,1,0.08194251631240491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263709658242871,0.0,0.08205359351491585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818273785003964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537160138491926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300873703456614,0.0,0.04995139738110315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730589890153115,0.20640746152340647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855074952147211,0.1838109995159004,0.0,0.09066783572810658,0.0,0.1056922881725264,0.0,0.07057696922832901,0.08316992918067326,0.0,0.08561248897090468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217430169028536,0.07257674762538767,0.0,0.0,0.05412225920606641,0.0,0.0,0.07829958590589357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220811222705358,0.16573039337873308,0.11707950005294206,0.0,0.0,0.07489397539568804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030181437068067,0.0,0.0,0.09313964077273834,0.06872949494649135,0.13107383177270832,0.0,0.1805378399981786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340439946542887,0.08090127024694888,0.16819332430611186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533052108522722,0.0,0.0,0.18486945513035316,0.0,0.08903078373399483,0.0,0.05787842259955889,0.16013189757546434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688110759523296,0.09167271566966052,0.0,0.13932919415338654,0.0,0.2326079706658628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482157468697493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075933755579415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361724657202885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746216407716673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237486156883883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498894841554976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997846120449129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556739252844074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942962815798451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599866960347413,0.0,0.0,0.27403045112066404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232211487898955,0.0,0.0,0.07544165969619249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250545575919749,0.0,0.13010640976831345,0.04778134022602377,0.0,0.07767192417721533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856675780790088,0.07077202456603023,0.0,0.0,0.048331819178447005,0.0,0.06572934388942181,0.0,0.07367616306544607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898966159964467,0.0,0.05965512780608985,0.0,0.0,0.05820961254268426,0.0,0.0,0.10553658782852056 bpd,emmeltine,2018/01/17,"Did my FP just tell me to kill myself? We were texting about how I've been feeling (pretty bad and very confused) and and after I told him something about how I feel, he said well if that's true, death is an answer... Someone please tell me I'm just misinterpreting what he is saying, because otherwise WTF? I'm also feeling weirdly detached from this. Like I know I'm kinda upset, but that feeling seems really far away and I mostly feel empty",4.8224137931034505,5.880851413793106,5.662701149425288,80.28991379310345,69.34482758620689,7.179310344827586,28.29310344827586,7.1686216300943375,1.6000896551724135,351,12,64,3,6,115,64,87,0.19,0.6890000000000001,0.121,-0.8063,0,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,1,0,0,0,8,8,1,2,1,0,5,0,0,2,1,23,17,9,2,1,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,5,7,10,3,6,12,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,5,2,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847058593297684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792888921637405,0.0,0.1758984191363118,0.1284208476859725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325986539136874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330721852539473,0.0,0.11577725393458005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029214151473569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312494637177423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143244086482922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495888463657213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20039287107440348,0.1675311146372624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178362312141428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849774320714562,0.16218200121806448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682650600783532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013016596668714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738226083058151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894152278249152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RainbowDragon13,2018/01/17,"I feel like I'm feeling someone else's feelings/emotions – dissociation?? hi, I am honestly not sure if this is the right place to ask this but I’ve searched the web for days and haven’t found any answers. background info: I'm 26, female, diagnosed with BPD (among other stuff) in 2010. I’ve had some weird feelings and I don’t know if this could be dissociation. it’s very hard to explain to someone, even my therapist didn’t really get what I meant, so I’m hoping maybe someone else has felt similarly and can help me. I’ve read about dissociation, depersonalization and derealization and I don’t seem to meet the actual criteria, yet the only explanation I have for what I’ve been experiencing is some form of dissociation. let me explain: the simplest and most ""concise"" way to describe it would be: I feel like my feelings and emotions are not my own, like they’re someone else’s. what I mean by this is: sometimes I get feelings that don’t fit my current situation or surroundings. there is no reason for me to feel like this, as if I’m just randomly feeling someone else’s feelings. these feelings can be very strong to the point where I feel uneasy or even scared or paranoid – all while being perfectly aware that I am not currently in any situation that would justify feeling like this. I KNOW where and who I am, the conscious part of my brain is fully aware of what is happening and is trying to be reasonable, but the feelings are still there, and sometimes very intense. I know there is no actual reason for feeling like this, yet the feelings are very real to me. the most common emotions/feelings I experience are best described like this: I feel as if I’m a person who’s been kidnapped or something (seems super dramatic but?), they’ve just found themselves in a place they don't know; they can’t trust anyone, can’t be seen, and have to get out of there but they don’t know how. they’re scared, anxious, paranoid, confused, sad. this is how I feel. but I KNOW I’m not in any situation that would justify it. it’s so hard to explain. but this is what I feel most of the time. again: I do NOT feel as if I am really in that situation. they’re just feelings, not actual thoughts or beliefs, if that makes sense. anyone know what this could be?? it's so draining and I wanna try to fix it but I need to know what I'm dealing with first… *(additional info: feel like people might ask me about childhood trauma, honestly I don’t consciously remember anything but for all I know it is pretty possible. so, it could be part of the reason but I might never know. also, my parens have been emotionally neglecting me throughout my whole life and are generally not what you'd call A+ parents, just a little side note; they tolerate me living with them still because I don't have a job atm but they want me out asap. it's stressful because there is a certain tension in the air at all times; not really a loving family bond here. I generally try to avoid them a lot.)* **TL;DR:** is it possible to ""dissociate"" but be aware of it? can you feel things that seem in no way connected to your current situation? can you feel as if you are feeling someone else’s feelings/emotions? as if you’re literally disconnected from your feelings? and what does it mean? thanks for any advice & replies! 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So these days I often skip school because I'm just feeling too awful. My school knows about my mental state so they don't punish me for skipping. But today, I skipped classes again. I wasn't even feeling that bad, just tired because I went to bed late. But I felt like I was actually wrong for skipping class because I wasn't feeling awful.. So to make me feel like I had a reason to skip class, I started selfharming. Because if I selfharm clearly I'm in a bad place etc and I have reason to skip class.. Is this what's called manipulating? In a way? Since I now indeed have a ""reason"" to skip class since I'm selfharming? ",1.8238640429338133,4.053232519379846,3.281550387596902,89.20958855098392,80.3953488372093,5.209540846750151,23.87656529516995,6.297961479604792,0.6336733452593921,501,18,101,4,13,164,71,129,0.154,0.726,0.12,-0.8031,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,11,6,1,0,4,2,10,1,0,5,1,19,22,7,0,1,5,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,5,18,2,10,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,8,62,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.14517623092455031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484303423373775,0.3627506751969018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190888992875987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594313399577098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591578557808065,0.0982599441632915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008865379686394,0.10627997894606264,0.14284073092613864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175907143190342,0.0,0.16781692602154466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536118359932948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930387931439692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992328038034394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554310279977853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588752325007603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30112257174446994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24612506232397835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529884529446892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098707617185738,0.1410147884560801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808521383961575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379095432543617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626545917791015,0.0,0.0 bpd,xiaoyanmay,2018/01/17,"break up from LT SO, need of some BPD support Hello fam. my LT fb has just broken up with me. he said it was because he was not enough for me, but im sure the dealing with an intense BPD gf has not made it easy for a boy (i am the girl) who is almost very unemotional, uncaring compared to me. I do not want to spiral and am feeling ok right now and have some support networks coming by soon. But I want some tips and support from those who suffer from same as me because I know you know how hard this is, because we are emotional and our feelings are real. I didn't expect this, for me everything was amazing and it was getting so much better, but for him, he loves me but he just cannot be in a realtionship with me anymore. He cant provide me with what I need and He says I deserve better. His family is like my own, and I am scared to be left alone. I just lost my job because of University and travel plans with him (now cancelled), I knew that I was going to rely on his support for this, but now I wont. I am quite terrified of not having his house to go to, or his family. My family has always been the toxic roots to my mental illness issue, and I am so scared to be here, with no income and be stuck in one home. Help me be strong. Normally in a break up, I behave in toxic manners such as rebounding, or drug abuse, or ranting... But i know this time it wont be the same and I hope to grief properly. This was a really special person to me. 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They were my roommates and I didn’t hesitate to call them family. Then my BPD went crazy and I ended up in the hospital. After that they completely cut me off as a person. I still live with them and hear them everyday. I have to stick it out with them until the current semester is over. I hate knowing that every time I walk through the door they are pissed I’m back again. Once in a while I’ll hear them say “oh is *blank or *blank home”. Never my name since they don’t acknowledge me as a person anymore. I’m just so sick of hurting others I have decided to stop trying to make new friendships. I can’t hurt anyone but myself if I stay in my room alone. Sure it’s a sad life, but no matter what I did anyways I would still feel that emptiness. I have to sleep every night knowing I hurt so many people in my life. By being too attached and then screaming at them when they do something that slightly upsets me. I carry around a weight with me as if everyone I’ve known has died. Because they might as well have. Knowing I’m dead to them. My roommates, the people I once loved so much. Won’t look at me. I hate the feeling of shame and guilt everyday. ",1.626177606177606,3.659472189189192,2.8928710424710466,92.77442625482628,80.003861003861,5.842841698841699,21.5569111969112,6.918507183188421,0.4546437374517378,983,29,212,11,25,317,144,259,0.233,0.6940000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9927,1,1,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,13,0,14,17,4,3,12,0,20,7,2,1,2,34,36,22,2,3,6,0,3,0,1,3,3,4,3,3,8,12,1,1,8,0,0,2,7,12,1,1,5,8,43,5,36,27,1,40,0,4,1,1,24,16,1,4,21,149,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682047571137442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118612518300137,0.07886812568624846,0.0,0.0,0.1004104951574797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346311156962985,0.0,0.06875812168893185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205998331388894,0.0,0.1151751950144013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826227047825699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706227253676907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990192680577804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006747082558514,0.10777941635616976,0.0,0.0,0.10633206159894452,0.0,0.1140639817195622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714429642239115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435568590434205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272127211933565,0.0,0.0,0.2542538723131853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314149014093025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36224464616985697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596575225021889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933935116575534,0.0,0.0,0.0995990905574938,0.0,0.094718477999306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180090912473716,0.0,0.07529081195370438,0.114355322812291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965651569506446,0.0,0.0,0.09003102424395626,0.0,0.08291650337172603,0.0,0.08699361826742635,0.10893706283367306,0.0,0.10584944531035398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24024366964218916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639419266209134,0.2954618792342153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896982458415085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330428938158226,0.0,0.11287537016636555,0.0,0.0,0.08683426387882533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202233022203956,0.18015472725436169,0.09430076080191632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630692696537894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577103700734631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657966209295504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735259765749303,0.10141527266950807,0.1045610862281797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012555869337057,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thetruthburnssogood,2018/01/17,"Applied for Disability I had my first mental breakdown in four years a little over two weeks ago. Isn’t the first time, nor the last time it will happen. I finally swallowed my pride and applied for disability. Wish me luck. I really need it. ",2.8291304347826056,5.525174086956521,4.158869565217394,81.63178260869569,79.86956521739131,7.1582608695652175,24.417391304347824,8.238735603445708,1.8315008695652173,192,7,35,4,5,63,36,46,0.0,0.8240000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.7964,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,6,2,4,4,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,9,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23689888335997544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927566961344432,0.0,0.4546413647180303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363261808126972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21784247295413572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678523158266827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269322735723458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816071811633212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120566360026018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31166846356924216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26106208445962364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436991432769634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30732156488407897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720987001581674 bpd,TBman93,2018/01/17,"I have gaslighting BPD qualities, but asking her to admit hers makes me even more of a gaslighter? I fully admit to developing gaslighting properties after a habit my wife developed made me feel emasculated and like I would never be good enough for her. I became paranoid and insecure and began to question her about everything to try and catch her in a lie because in my mine I wasn't good enough, so there must have been someone else. However saying her issue caused my issue is apparently deflection because she accused me of gaslighting first. Anything you try to explain after that is taken as gaslighting. You're just supposed to accept what they tell you and move on? I'm just supposed to let them define me and that's that? Even if I fully admit to it and the pain it caused her, do the communication lines not open so we can talk about the entire scenario? I feel like she completely cast my feelings to the side and I'm just supposed to take it because that's what her therapist told her. Am I that far gone?",6.5130240549828144,7.16141640206186,6.590257731958761,76.60830756013748,65.39175257731961,9.147079037800687,32.66151202749141,9.075114841892004,2.820025429553265,818,32,145,13,12,261,112,194,0.102,0.816,0.08199999999999999,-0.7293,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,2,1,10,7,0,1,7,0,13,1,0,4,2,32,30,13,0,3,6,1,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,10,0,0,9,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,7,4,33,5,21,19,3,14,0,0,0,0,27,6,0,2,7,108,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210707210943055,0.0,0.1387186497863798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27135982352192073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868839687815832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048616936751015,0.0,0.0,0.1555773972974761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395547023172375,0.0,0.0,0.30663987964132305,0.0,0.19601195664543905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333576254053247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22508164264331887,0.10600528426331222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621502718728153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489142726363604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097478857450693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173229971925184,0.0,0.14498547836670694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040416435668104,0.09904721528515396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770830002834746,0.0,0.0,0.114442591511252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578906282704054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622360807790595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800060639573748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572495553628346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156601197321678,0.11926512913178865,0.12969381985459247,0.0,0.0,0.1722848137767956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417869030513564,0.0,0.20148546896928693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540746282063497,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,laidbackga,2018/01/17,"I can't get over my ex She dumped me the day after Christmas. Then decided we could work on things. Then changed her mind. Then agreed to work on things. Then changed her mind. I thought she'd come back. I thought she'd change her mind. I called her. Way too much. I texted. Way too much. She threatened to call the police. She called my mom. I just don't understand why she doesn't want me. I tried to treat her so good. I took her on vacation for her birthday. I was going to propose. I bought her a ring. She said she wanted to be with me forever. Like..last week she said this. I introduced her to my daughter. Even when I thought she was going to break up with me, she promised she wasn't and that it was safe for her to be around my daughter again. I don't fucking get why she doesn't want me anymore. It's almost been a month. I still think of her every single day and I just can't get her out of my fucking head. And she wants nothing at all to do with me. My therapy is helping, but slowly. I still slip up and catch myself thinking about her again. About what I could have done differently. I know what I have to do. I have to get over her. I have to leave her behind and quit fooling myself that she'll come back. I know that will ultimately end up with me sleeping around and fucking her memory away....but the thought of it scares me. I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose the love she made me feel. I seriously thought I had found the One. How do you get through this? How do you get over this? How does it stop hurting?",-0.2321303258145377,2.01454253250774,1.0724436090225566,101.07127192982458,91.16718266253868,4.314580569069733,18.216791979949875,5.916634753146586,-0.5101121332743621,1190,34,285,10,42,374,139,323,0.083,0.8440000000000001,0.073,0.2077,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,2,0,5,20,15,4,1,7,0,32,6,2,4,1,51,69,16,0,8,3,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,15,16,0,2,13,0,1,6,9,10,0,1,18,4,78,5,41,43,4,40,0,3,0,4,46,13,3,1,18,202,93,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388663900024627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308038523486079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915160491826787,0.0,0.0,0.0787075666544929,0.1288326556110982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25662504436757755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658624333714891,0.14432618193702507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377197600540372,0.0,0.0,0.10805341293708254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752503880173554,0.0,0.0,0.07331038717392617,0.08572894661698817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419808404559572,0.0,0.0,0.05533132950565699,0.0,0.07058243332016957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04235818653756874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185285866025238,0.0,0.2323405887187338,0.2626078613406821,0.0,0.095220344258232,0.0702648852325707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597534900012245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056151329915333885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968081517864376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207898823873413,0.06828624155059203,0.0,0.08870359624034709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409272955300109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874412972334992,0.0,0.0,0.07560847575883221,0.07926811420018247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537607904771911,0.0981140192516572,0.06686687351437323,0.0,0.12316570626116133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038252999331205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676680732718657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910298281223979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937476656003996,0.0,0.08387146778847902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083833580292841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380258040485946,0.07003804630462365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580181830638604,0.0,0.11131022436992292,0.10735681459251488,0.0,0.3325323413735872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307497470918967,0.05687642256593356,0.0,0.0,0.0872107310878486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964691997488603,0.13299034377319918,0.06719771196337256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118434994057292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197560049270305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beetlec0och,2018/01/17,"Just got into a huge argument with my BF over reassurance I got upset and started to spiral because he didn’t reassure me at a point when I needed it. I was starting to feel like he wasn’t as interested in our plans when I expressed my excitement and he did not. Eventually it just got heated. I just told him all I needed and all I wanted was to hear he was happy to get to spend time with me that I don’t know why it is such an issue for him to do so. He said that the fact that he made the plans in the first place should make it obvious that he wants to spend time with me. I told him that it isn’t so obvious to me, that i do need more reassurance than a normal person and that’s a need I’ve been expressing to him since day one. His initial excuse for not providing reassurance is that that kind of stuff doesn’t cross his mind. He said he thinks words don’t mean as much as action and his actions should speak louder. He told me he thinks it’s ridiculous that just because I over analyze a situation he needs to reassure me. He’s being so insensitive and I have been trying so hard to remain calm and not get abusive or make any personal attacks toward him. My heart is broken I am devastated. He is basically refusing to meet a need that I have never kept hidden or have suddenly sprung on him because he doesn’t “express” well and I should accept that about him. That it’s who he is. Am i wrong in this situation? Is there something I should be doing? Is there a way I can explain to him that he may understand that this isn’t something that I can easily change about myself? ",4.778394495412844,4.902033467889911,6.0868058103975535,80.54433715596332,69.06116207951071,9.475779816513764,27.970795107033638,9.3871,2.1461206116207947,1252,38,264,24,20,424,150,327,0.084,0.7909999999999999,0.125,0.8898,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,16,17,2,1,11,0,38,1,1,3,6,56,70,19,0,13,9,0,2,1,1,5,0,4,0,2,27,12,0,2,8,0,2,3,12,4,1,2,18,6,41,13,34,45,4,26,0,0,0,0,52,12,0,3,11,185,68,0,0.0,0.1258643895661459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722395896066794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085120273387755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942692473315563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237654944122634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850913203813024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371274290221231,0.07589025714905716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903586168923948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100088470329413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548839069413109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308310094302484,0.09516061733752727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972817947935875,0.12588227178962388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087582503047756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062150393352678,0.05838086360916756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189828654577988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051676396961227,0.141817810123827,0.0,0.0,0.11571488648605202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072613443564564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809078309936161,0.4726062290218722,0.0819306109025668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104082192304305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719837456837359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551071328522825,0.11098704385028696,0.0,0.1004210566065006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209684505135755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787400249709224,0.2388124436007231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356106180102956,0.0,0.0,0.1503793381621117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160717182595565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361349352360448,0.0,0.0,0.12388635739099788,0.0,0.0,0.3045200418370067,0.0,0.07212274443741863,0.0,0.0,0.11058848265567073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531362652814496,0.08431990044275259,0.0,0.0,0.0955129285359819,0.0,0.0958554506576167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614510013081103,0.0,0.0 bpd,hollyfrancesca,2018/01/17,"is there an antipsychotic that won’t make me put on weight? hiii so I’ve come off quetiapine because the negatives really outweighed the positives and I was wondering if anyone here knew if any other antipsychotics worked equally as well, but also didn’t cause weight gain? I’m currently on topiramate which is helping to lose the weight I put on while on quetiapine but I don’t wanna put it back on. Thaaaanks.",5.478225108225106,7.474863597402602,6.272142857142858,72.95202380952381,68.87012987012987,10.32813852813853,31.01515151515152,10.504223727775694,3.6787852813852817,335,14,58,10,6,110,57,77,0.045,0.8079999999999999,0.147,0.7959,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,2,0,11,11,9,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,1,0,3,3,4,1,9,7,1,13,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,3,3,41,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167096282596242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047162229732634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387104661153744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362214265374031,0.0,0.10799217583202313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819872072467117,0.0,0.15260353283026412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187434075119728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981913729873397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825248280959172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5342697702814982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349016816494975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6471819843037165,0.15928381533931665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211727562354286,0.1289711076982646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cheesescrust8899,2018/01/17,"Therapist just told me I have BPD and I feel like shit I'm on the verge of panicking and very angry. I wonder if he even knows what the hell he is talking about. I've never self harmed, and hardly ever get angry. This was after I confided in him that I have a lot of anxiety about developing/being diagnosed with mental disorders a couple weeks ago, and he told me that I have nothing to worry about other than depression. I don't know, I just needed to get this off my chest.",3.707334315169368,4.79541419587629,5.507069219440354,80.26072164948455,71.98969072164948,8.841826215022092,24.166421207658324,9.23628265651192,1.8802648011782028,375,10,74,8,7,129,68,97,0.227,0.701,0.07200000000000001,-0.9533,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,4,0,6,3,2,0,2,16,16,5,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,12,1,13,13,1,9,1,1,0,0,8,4,2,3,6,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826702950345404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452144148217145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390759821909913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003602989778966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349465386369,0.1926667995514283,0.0,0.0,0.21755411195342952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537659426249412,0.17170617237757846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598043666514172,0.13560990607121626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834982926556907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004452038520146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864400063491048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273814621430247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138110363962233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129738424755555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075167822146026,0.14640354198605432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821407137476045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802725068046687,0.0,0.1948510370693044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257289362065224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203996487168915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36276887022277776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156624220929497,0.0,0.0,0.15226491652145008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058554273111379,0.0,0.19277492127457813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CharlieBranwen,2018/01/18,"Self-Image and BPD + Discord Server So first of all, I have a BPD discord server! If you wanna join and talk to me and other people, feel free to have a look https://discord.gg/QZtdyyz Thank you so much. Anyway... So I find a lot of my BPD symptoms intensify for a while, then go away or at least settle down, which means I'm over a lot of the symptoms... Kind of. So one thing that's been very intense lately is my self image. Most of you will think I'm talking about the lack of identity but honestly it's not really that anymore. I think I'm an asshole. Or at least, I know my BPD wants me to think I am. Logically, I'm a pretty good partner and I care for them greatly, I'm a supportive friend, and I have a good understanding for other people and a lot of perspective. But I still get my BPD nagging at me, telling me I'm a terrible person and that I'm just going to end up hurting my partner, emotionally of course. I think this is partly due to my parents, partly due to how much of an ass I definitely can be when I'm really, really angry. Either way I don't know how to get over this. Any help would be appreciated, thank you x",2.142574468085108,3.7743569914893613,4.4078191489361735,84.38875000000002,76.95744680851064,7.253191489361702,23.239361702127663,8.07648339933343,1.2127914893617022,883,27,187,15,20,307,122,235,0.105,0.698,0.197,0.9734,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,4,1,1,11,14,1,0,14,0,13,3,1,2,1,37,40,21,0,5,8,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,10,7,0,0,11,0,1,2,2,3,0,2,1,2,26,12,29,35,13,20,0,1,1,1,15,8,1,7,9,132,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645429848579864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412657356468956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917235448365753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5976877270385409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676846513985687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676251422700443,0.08406330082044773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047990039404900785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674727084525105,0.08073156109590073,0.0,0.0,0.07332828744318111,0.0,0.09917454486709018,0.0,0.10788063528281204,0.15921430480037946,0.0,0.10464011823548933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361708929357597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016045823980114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883558436895026,0.1043216113612658,0.0,0.10706415709994503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970164504224657,0.0,0.0,0.2420707529147316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033863039225006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954155217582714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431439925091892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053878421094272,0.20555952489708293,0.0,0.13159918416672678,0.08287294559502634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655898246158966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824079579667928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802651235178656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579634104981649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077042956032336,0.0,0.19729850443519856,0.0,0.15257232476488708,0.0829567189793931,0.17476327173460884,0.0,0.0,0.06305489552702125,0.2432614889265811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880608126894293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831181848434188,0.05598118388782751,0.07533622612108945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742231265411071,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clairey-potter,2018/01/18,"How to stop acting so damn creepy and obsessive over my FP? So. My current favourite person is this girl in my college program. We have all of our classes together and normally she, another girl, and I all sit together in class. She is a few years older than me and for the passed few months I have become increasingly enamoured over her. We have a group chat between the three of us (fp, me and another girl) and I am constantly checking it, seeing when she was last online, if she read my message, etc. I post on my snapchat story, instagram, twitter, etc. and constantly check to see if she has viewed my posts or posted anything herself. I google her name, look at her online profiles, etc etc etc. It makes me upset that her and our other friend text outside of our group chat when neither of them message me individually. The other girl even told me that she had gone on ""ghost mode"" after I added her on snapchat so that I couldn't view her location on the map (even though I keep my ""stalker-ish"" behaviors private.) I have such a hard time acting normal around her and am constantly seeking validation from her. The other day I couldn't find the two of them at school, and instantly felt brokenhearted that they had ditched me forever and never wanted to speak to me or see me again. They messaged me then saying where they were and everything was fine. I overshare, and the two of them have already mentioned the fact that they think I have alcoholism. Not. Good. WHY CANT I HAVE NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS. I just really crave the attention of people that I like. I hate myself for it. I know that this behaviour is beginning to get out of hand. I don't want to scare her away, I just don't know how to interact in any other way. I have few close friends in general, and zero support system outside of my once a month therapy sessions. Any advice? I feel like I am about to do something even more stupid to hurt myself soon. Please share any tips or support.",4.65906857142857,6.199318944000003,5.146280952380955,82.02045000000003,70.22666666666666,8.450476190476191,29.12619047619048,8.942964678507748,2.346339047619047,1544,59,293,29,28,493,197,375,0.07400000000000001,0.8490000000000001,0.077,0.2756,1,0,2,0,0,2,50.0,6,0,7,0,19,16,3,3,13,0,26,2,1,3,4,52,46,28,1,9,8,0,4,2,2,0,1,2,0,5,16,19,1,2,7,3,2,5,8,7,0,4,8,12,70,9,40,36,13,49,0,1,6,0,51,18,1,5,22,220,86,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595906215638856,0.0,0.09400857924630512,0.0,0.0,0.0970723353152398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945907364492714,0.18447940876359506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238827441501136,0.07830812116537368,0.0,0.0,0.0826466690665407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715120249383002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851790079432084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673059808673146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4905250306024659,0.17430154201335782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905789743712456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0444781000586226,0.0628427123354249,0.08446086508851079,0.0,0.08039905447698993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592416036616886,0.0,0.045958446633577135,0.0,0.0,0.07378145410474636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879998731929412,0.08684791532933649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416909922044807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818795429626173,0.0,0.0,0.09668729440403996,0.07170378461836849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595119359503757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386903171960822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871778658060781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042676204476912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784456932729736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585631219053423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368059764095857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060984339183549764,0.0768082546302712,0.0,0.0965599209663739,0.0,0.0,0.2527404685912541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798950291816385,0.0,0.05635307872594018,0.0,0.0,0.0944422395705986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995385385424115,0.08806900958922949,0.08902598279326311,0.2102918174069527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772029205178715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735432624974293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996448636420532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059644212223626,0.0,0.0,0.05636486747592177,0.08642585180707603,0.0,0.05129350599323173,0.0,0.0,0.08405499427042205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185941035526414,0.0,0.10581190394486592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376889576417678,0.06982307672601422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079375360392147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056647025540517475 bpd,meowpurrr,2018/01/18,"My life is a mess and there’s nothing I can do about. So long story short, my boyfriend and I are being evicted from our apartment and we have no where else to go. We have to many animals and the city we live in has a 0.07% vacancy rate so it’s impossible to find housing, let alone affordable housing. We also live in a university city(Queens University) and almost all housing is for students. On top of this we have sooo much debt and my pet rats got into a fight today, one of them has a cut on her ear :( it just feels like everything is crushing around me and I can’t hold any of it up. My mom is taking our animals until we get a place, which is one relief off my shoulders but every time something good happens, something even worse happens. I just feel so alone :( ",3.3517526881720414,4.783084987096778,4.444919354838714,86.20071236559141,73.32258064516128,7.231182795698925,27.755376344086017,7.793537801064563,1.5919569892473109,603,23,124,8,12,197,103,155,0.149,0.795,0.056,-0.9022,3,2,2,0,1,0,19.0,8,0,1,1,12,6,2,0,7,0,16,3,2,0,1,24,24,13,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,15,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,3,0,2,1,3,20,3,18,21,2,18,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,1,5,89,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614848413428894,0.30232169470917136,0.0,0.11671667463696292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992514405364606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129927013555384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192303232735854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639902168881603,0.0,0.12296970958893735,0.0,0.13117102490916885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759405852760274,0.10426716687811734,0.0,0.0,0.13339624148064666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625318587499884,0.0,0.0829471125434224,0.12241647283758553,0.11673006021224322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25812733912254193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052223309776805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924441857379364,0.10308925379936756,0.07130411079420636,0.0,0.257754179354895,0.1291617242203341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147971041810524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093562642210572,0.0,0.0,0.10729051421016512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004357606182175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977998627406495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248735552071546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471986742743416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097367180247582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851049922959033,0.0,0.1383441418227457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487361717849706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,creativedabbler,2018/01/18,"Does anyone else sometimes experience anger and annoyance when people are kind or compliment you or say nice things about you? Like most people with BPD, I desperately want the approval and validation of others. But as I get older, instead of being flattered and pleased if someone gives me a compliment, or acts friendly to me, or does something loving, I find my myself feeling flat out anger. Its really complex; on one hand, I get angry because when someone says something positive about me or treats me with kindness, I feel like they’re delusional and not in reality. Because in my head, I think if they really knew who I was at my very core, they wouldn’t be nice to me. Because I cannot shake that profound feeling that I’m utterly worthless. And I honestly don’t know that any amount of therapy could ever get rid of that. And in some sick way, I guess although it hurts, it makes more logical sense if someone is treating me like crap. Another reason I feel anger is that I have this part of me that feels like compliments and kindness are patronizing. It’s like someone is dangling this thing I desperately want in front of my face, and that gives them power over me. Because I usually feel completely powerless in my life. All of this came to mind today because I’m using a dating app, and this guy that I feel is way out of my league sent me a really nice message and told me that he liked my profile and said how sexy and beautiful he thought I was. And I responded (perhaps wrongly) by saying, “Really?” And he said, “Yes of course! You don’t agree?” And so then I was honest and told him that no, I don’t agree. We ended up talking for quite a bit, and he is very kind, but him being perplexed as to why I would question the idea that I’m not sexy and beautiful made me so mad! I wanted to shake him and say “Are you an idiot?? Isn’t it painfully obvious that I’m a worthless piece of shit and that you’re just talking out of your ass!?!?” So yeah, I’m fucked up. I desperately want to feel good about myself and who I am, but refuse to acknowledge any evidence that supports that idea. ",6.064178832116787,6.105325274939172,6.5636891727493945,78.50567974452557,66.32360097323601,9.867031630170317,33.183394160583944,9.621722640351123,2.9766211678832115,1652,66,321,31,24,539,199,411,0.152,0.652,0.196,-0.5253,2,0,2,0,0,0,48.0,1,5,3,3,12,41,9,2,8,2,24,11,6,5,3,81,63,42,0,10,14,0,9,6,1,2,3,6,0,1,29,28,0,1,20,0,0,6,9,16,0,1,12,15,55,25,40,45,8,30,0,3,0,3,39,13,4,12,15,209,84,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549472998083294,0.08133444447497831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054235770904104974,0.0794752698599398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23641678455455534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468170185659818,0.0,0.0976913378200956,0.0,0.0,0.08871454608714069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132620564325653,0.0,0.0,0.06192993409524272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575660857381902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647962251444302,0.0,0.06870022544559565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701626551433892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758741802204645,0.0,0.0,0.31375656145614994,0.11082596440131924,0.0,0.0,0.07089368375610203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059927100526852135,0.0717082794003623,0.12157469771594108,0.14881625684511304,0.0,0.06505846503287231,0.0,0.0,0.08544741060425477,0.07680228030442733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960482989618085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083035731989138,0.17512456471836002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230911402204874,0.04262810375882526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478697807662905,0.2273682237990753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000611130386664,0.07339458135944962,0.051775735669817684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831928878524012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256055478208672,0.0,0.08253541919916328,0.0,0.0,0.08399614079562807,0.0,0.1075486393286078,0.0,0.0,0.08514389310963211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689138376225529,0.08250071529224699,0.0,0.0,0.19876240425304548,0.07975050222078288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756556768077142,0.24673356794674695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962012040057889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628848088744557,0.11942779675261705,0.07671450304375123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802068580682476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246888119524897,0.0,0.0,0.08870318688690433,0.0,0.1030624659245154,0.04970099606004973,0.0,0.061578535656739125,0.0,0.0,0.07352325471114554,0.1482347826275424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699189757060348,0.08542770735947075,0.12799972240966773,0.18300113920197655,0.12313615259514744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999101835554541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055100478260950735,0.084805963347858,0.0,0.0 bpd,barstrb,2018/01/18,I thought I was done I thought I had overcome bpd on my own by paying close attention to my emotions but then the person who I now realise has become my favorite person hasn't texted me back in hours after me ignoring them earlier because I was feeling rejected. No one else has texted or talked to me either today. I thought that I had gotten better but now I'm falling back into a hole because I'm upset a couple people have lives outside of me. BPD sucks :/,3.0576086956521737,5.017970195652175,4.542826086956524,82.9755434782609,75.30434782608695,6.339130434782609,28.89130434782609,7.1686216300943375,1.7988869565217387,366,16,66,4,8,122,62,92,0.22,0.6859999999999999,0.094,-0.9161,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,12,17,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,5,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,9,1,16,1,8,8,2,13,0,1,0,0,5,4,1,1,8,50,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282454468521364,0.0,0.22392125383244632,0.2028438301470046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624369813141589,0.0,0.0,0.4626398860482978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203222097107862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879533099643088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153428742435609,0.20659867679124236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928666649712926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087326700557024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217977375169804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445632139770872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733035331972253,0.3207388103528639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476231645517786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43742906006239424,0.0,0.0,0.17409317417734926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shwores,2018/01/18,"somewhat a sequel to my previous post A while back I posted how at my job I was told 'I'm positive and happy but how i was a functioning heroin addict with crippling depression and BPD'. In the comments sections I received alot of questions about being a high functioning heroin addict, quiting, etc. I just wanted to updated everyone and let you guys know that I've quit heroin with the savior drug of Buprenorphine (AKA Suboxone). But now it seems instead if covering my hurt and wounds inside with heroin and opiates I've turned to benzos (my fave D.O.C)... After being told by [previously a 'good' friend] that my benzo use was obvious I have now turned coke to wake up, coke for energy to get me through the day at work, and coke after work so I can clean/cook/take care of my bills, life, or whatever. And benzos only when I do too much coke and it gives me anxiety or benzos when i need to come down and sleep. I guess there was no real point to this post, just a 'vent'. Sometimes it feels like a vicious endless cycle, sometimes I want to end it all since it's seemingly hopeless. ",5.800923076923077,6.278996542857147,6.387142857142859,78.0417032967033,66.90476190476191,9.31868131868132,30.43956043956044,9.265573868473778,2.616208791208792,854,30,157,15,13,279,131,210,0.17,0.74,0.09,-0.9698,1,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,1,0,4,14,9,1,0,11,0,10,11,2,3,2,37,28,20,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,8,13,4,0,5,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,6,1,20,5,25,19,6,24,0,3,0,0,9,8,0,9,12,108,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268152877279265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408644118866898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457114315982754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490065752530505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539573927801112,0.0,0.0,0.1059443504361166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931789293102569,0.0,0.10593046258041068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426284858850438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893197218014147,0.0,0.1371655267862033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752150093088218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218706125452265,0.08786354624528983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502119105267226,0.0,0.0642568080065936,0.11798249747697093,0.0,0.10315754944146108,0.0,0.0,0.1354865270737556,0.12177869588097058,0.0,0.13092434579254394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299448973787298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166253805326272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204785511553792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759167648475653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257648430069886,0.08687094595349669,0.060086336128893775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041125158800307,0.09119497201051714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935388682987446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626459683508597,0.0,0.3533691183091378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777610971858614,0.2616284172218237,0.0,0.1399886946169588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239295918423119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173798023898116,0.0,0.1230780734258526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432790302265604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350430018617644,0.0,0.0,0.2675539779745879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622322525323984,0.0,0.0,0.1450844948119593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790752805875973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,roseribbon,2018/01/18,"How do you get over the loss of friends? Lost friends recently. They were close to me in a multitude of ways and I’m having problems coping. One didn’t seem into the friendship so I had to end that as they hadn’t replied to me in weeks and I knew the texts were going through, the other had issues beyond my control that destroyed our friendship - they had intense lying issues that made me insecure about the friendship constantly. Now I’m dealing with the loneliness that came with letting them go. It’s painful, I don’t really have anyone else. I don’t wanna rely on people who hurt me constantly. How do you guys cope and get past it all? I don’t see myself going out there and making new friends. It’s difficult. ",3.1003109656301158,5.324303319148939,3.8712056737588663,86.62615384615387,76.09219858156028,6.60796508456083,26.448990725586466,7.61054688173877,1.555356355701036,572,22,108,8,13,182,88,141,0.183,0.6940000000000001,0.123,-0.8541,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,2,4,3,7,11,1,1,7,0,15,1,0,5,1,20,29,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,9,10,0,1,2,0,0,4,5,8,0,1,11,1,18,3,18,17,1,21,0,3,1,0,13,8,0,1,8,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109618557525263,0.16259976180082789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150254899994586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429815754794495,0.1779877260923939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636055448279854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256766277918425,0.0,0.14055492120760554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678175219128903,0.0,0.16582111579662526,0.0,0.2705667165816387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571310485043726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16988416983276974,0.0,0.0,0.3312685853012766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227437404972175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323218744611796,0.0,0.0,0.15015918118364766,0.1059288292044984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326671639619774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753450353484764,0.0,0.16886057166670929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149045277889478,0.11001776507115356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518477968994294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166281801704076,0.0,0.15669022137941288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645779814732513,0.14446817361113226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596313995741198,0.1272939757384994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thrwaway08531,2018/01/18,It hurts too much Why am I like this? Just because my boyfriend is messaging a friend instead of giving me affection I want to die. Why does it hurt so much. I just want to die you guys please how do I stop this pain? ,-0.3949275362318865,1.8142240000000032,0.9956521739130472,101.5794202898551,91.6086956521739,4.8057971014492775,18.536231884057973,6.42735559955562,-0.2566115942028984,168,5,41,2,6,53,35,46,0.318,0.43,0.252,-0.8092,0,0,0,0,0,2,4.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,7,6,2,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,3,6,2,1,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281932284550822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365037984797883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402963615697546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247256942784205,0.0,0.0,0.20173310079823795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082240540469065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502480050591417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273899232598396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091804720180219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237675694001492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23083958614705424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581514264829126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480736180540281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795151271836128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lunarmoth_,2018/01/18,"Comorbid disorders. I have BPD but also OCD. My OCD is worse. Will DBT help or should I do CBT? I'm only asking this question because the therapy is so damn expensive. I'm looking at 2,500$ for a 6 month course of DBT (one weekly group therapy and once weekly therapy with a PH.D. Student). I was molested as a child and as a result, have CPTSD which seemed to be diagnosed as BPD by some professionals and as CPTSD by others. Either way, I'm sure DBT is helpful for CPTSD also. I have rather debilitating OCD...it's what I struggle the most with. The OCD is not based in fear though, it is based in shame. Exposure therapy is not effective because I constantly expose myself to my OCD and it makes no difference. My obsession is with some deep scars in my face and my compulsion takes up countless hours of my day and a ton of mental energy. I'm at my breaking point. Will DBT help simultaneously with my supposed BPD and shame-based OCD? I say supposed BPD because it does not interfere with my life much, and my abandonment fears center around my romantic relationships only. I don't have extreme swings of emotion anymore, just a pervasive lack of self esteem and a daily feeling of depression and anxiety. ",4.2637525632262445,6.2522624155844175,5.600063795853269,76.56746411483256,72.03030303030303,9.365322396901345,29.90681248575985,9.811843763644266,3.1887956709956704,962,41,173,26,19,322,129,231,0.192,0.711,0.097,-0.9789,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,2,5,10,0,18,3,1,3,1,38,28,20,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,7,16,0,2,4,0,1,0,5,9,0,1,1,3,20,1,28,23,7,18,0,2,1,0,10,10,1,6,6,113,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416156466462276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851894733944187,0.0,0.10179081791360543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137092837760998,0.09595409035491097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770428536474731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170834997015115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091685137206726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619399543062685,0.0,0.08840326308351944,0.1041769462529642,0.0,0.10723644651337466,0.11763377541356874,0.0,0.08982053045254561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545563844636228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309959776615333,0.05189762229444984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063913082321704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107924621951248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249732421031965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619134141045147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851267266160442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343648912780468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192588090573331,0.0,0.07545185270740573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093077327107249,0.06955119107649205,0.1561239511527967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702751683454022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497974593314378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019642636301616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162306124999931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343915875376273,0.10707539803843873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730110555091196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673652733773908,0.0,0.07717214094788732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695089179208952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084280146067524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147046880570588,0.1646624541602253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459843359311387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ElianaSalt47,2018/01/18,"Making excuses to break up with someone Everytime I’m in a relationship after the initial honeymoon phase is over and things start to become more comfortable and regulated, that’s when the switch flips for me. I go from being head over heels for a person to only focusing on the things that annoy me about them and making excuses as to why I should dump them, even if nothing is going wrong in the relationship. Once things get complacent I feel a strong need to start chaos. The relationship I’m in now is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and yet I still run circles in my head all the time trying to decide whether I actually love this person or not. It’s hard to differenciate between my BPD feelings and my actual feelings if that makes sense. I know I’m probably splitting on him right now but I can’t help but focus on all the bad parts of our relationship. I have a strong urge to break up with him before he breaks up with me. I know that if I’m being rational, our relationship is perfectly healthy but my BPD keeps making up these ‘bad parts’ that hardly even exist and blowing them out of proportion. It’s very frustrating. Anyone ever feel like this?",6.9359360108917585,7.057358407079648,7.480265486725668,72.39669503063311,64.48672566371681,11.024642614023143,31.98638529611981,10.727762888450028,3.391663444520081,944,33,173,23,13,312,124,226,0.069,0.8,0.13,0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,3,3,10,12,3,0,12,0,10,4,3,4,5,38,32,16,0,5,9,0,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,13,10,0,1,7,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,1,6,23,6,35,28,5,33,0,0,0,1,20,16,0,4,12,122,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.1863029862601598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674520285646546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940389952381798,0.0,0.10542388647489594,0.08122620567937933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404475146725816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609585543580928,0.17269121734339707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930621155820316,0.06819393688354122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987193092919779,0.0,0.10849993007041744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710200327762304,0.0,0.19593122513808947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398228673330977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484586712096481,0.0,0.0,0.104920475374082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466350834747543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615295813588635,0.0,0.2548710508003976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077957163281352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915928098254444,0.0,0.0,0.10165775036318307,0.0,0.0725987506026075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067395507838204,0.0,0.0,0.166697364697897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029179413990282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6149054888059488,0.0,0.08151908343353917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087973861030093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13512879624421134,0.0,0.07623145416171702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025059698649985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055661284821186686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648085019974689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876137183437651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861343840125613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436638279004044,0.0,0.0 bpd,Revenant221,2018/01/18,"I’ve always wanted a family of my own but the more I’m in the therapy the more I think it’d be extremely selfish to have kids with the risk of inheriting BPD Basically what the title says. My family is and always has been extremely difunctional. Way too much to get into here but I’ve gathered that it’s the reason I’ve always made finding an SO and starting a family an important goal I’d like to have in my life. But I started going to therapy about 8 months ago and the more we discuss me and my past, the more I see that some of the things that I get upset over now are things that are similar to behaviors my mom had when I was growing up. I’ve started seeing this more and more and it started making me think that there’s going to be a good chance of me passing all of this garbage on to any kids I may have. Not to mention the annoyance I’d become to a SO. I’m not saying that my decision is final but im now very reluctant to get into any relationship. Yeah, I could get better over the next few years and learn to control things but what if I don’t? What if I assume I’ll get better, get into a relationship, then realize down the line that I’m not getting better? I can either end things with the person which I see as a shit move or just continue things and then risk fucking up my families lives just because I wanted to be selfish and start a family. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I guess I made the decision to hold off on relationships for a while until I’m better. Has anyone else had this happen to them? **TL;DR** I’ve always had the dream of starting my own loving family after having a very dysfunctional one growing up. But through therapy I’m seeing similarities in the way I think/act to how my mom acted when I was growing up and now I don’t want to risk passing this condition on to any potential kids and I don’t want to ruin a “normal” SOs life with a long term relationship with me. I’m feeling a bit lost right now since that was a big positive goal in my life. Anyone else experience this?",3.1108590047393387,4.360351090047395,5.1839306872037945,81.38475859004741,73.64454976303318,8.402962085308056,25.50977488151659,8.930421266530582,1.8919405213270148,1608,52,329,33,32,559,178,422,0.092,0.782,0.126,0.901,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,8,16,18,3,4,32,1,28,6,1,6,1,62,69,32,0,8,15,2,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,4,26,20,0,2,11,1,1,9,6,11,0,1,11,7,34,7,54,52,15,59,0,2,4,2,18,20,2,7,29,229,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020344761759265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260462534826533,0.0,0.0,0.13855565313274276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497691069043787,0.13917596231705148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140097108983657,0.0750079003572549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402647770931105,0.07414669599302838,0.0,0.0855378407340602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617358348247767,0.05422540992390856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347022797004735,0.0,0.060153428888252675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643489267674277,0.38415103554720254,0.0,0.03434037676979919,0.0,0.0,0.07439867242281488,0.06207400538774147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278725954144865,0.2483831952691632,0.0,0.07719647051172734,0.0569647293666145,0.0,0.0,0.07481714512769316,0.0,0.06005790591086736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336094837768498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391326527791093,0.03318033333232878,0.0,0.05997108366921234,0.060103534223684994,0.0,0.0,0.07413835089633737,0.0,0.061296853259893015,0.12852754709182018,0.04533446598683636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908482694427584,0.054209913539747134,0.07218397350085366,0.049926083997663295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222945020888541,0.0,0.06654327270650914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046021648020866265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483351916952555,0.0,0.059301642821023584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982897265656429,0.0,0.2916655239826742,0.0,0.057999903929302474,0.0,0.10801907881352532,0.0,0.0,0.216481076659976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971481126190959,0.0561808276951005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28842782095199576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330036390690563,0.0,0.2256019057735041,0.17407135495012824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207564676455734,0.1602344962051512,0.10781713961871864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373568559326742 bpd,AllTheLoveToYou,2018/01/18,"Locking your phone during an episode? I hate that I call a million times when I'm acting up, and send a bunch of text that range from manipulating ""pity me"" messages to fullblown anger. I ALWAYS regret it in the morning. I feel it would be great if there was an app that could just completely turn off any ability to communicate for a couple of hours. Please tell if you have any good tips on apps or functions! I have an android. What I've tried already: * Different productivity / don't look at the phone apps. However they are super easy to bypass, and usually you can still see from the lockscreen if someone has sent you a message (I don't want to know if the person I want to spam has contacted me, it's very triggering if they haven't) * When I lived at home I would ask my Dad to hide my phone. It worked great in the beginning but then I got to be ace at finding it. And now I'm a responsible adult (lol) living by myself * Drain the phone battery and cut the charging cable. Yeah, I've only done this once and it was expensive. But it was worth it - VERY desperate situation. As I'm writing this I feel like I'm a loser with no self discipline. I of course try to get better at not abusing my phone, but at the same time I do want a fool proof damage control.",3.2124117647058803,4.683223603921569,4.4217156862745135,86.07022058823532,73.74509803921569,7.609803921568627,26.083333333333336,8.238735603445708,1.5329568627450985,989,34,208,16,20,325,154,255,0.147,0.73,0.123,-0.6615,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,4,2,6,6,14,3,0,18,2,19,0,0,3,1,35,38,18,0,12,11,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,3,14,6,0,2,4,0,2,3,5,8,0,1,6,5,25,6,27,27,2,23,0,4,2,0,24,10,0,6,11,129,39,1,0.0,0.16248695542738553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133598519127064,0.0,0.11411039910948577,0.0,0.0,0.18651806149418354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282061887165093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128805137728335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400339638356947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378733637228625,0.0,0.15381273308212198,0.10949410703270104,0.1517413827541324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328077154532598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403405217891382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868291248888528,0.09797192735178872,0.0,0.0,0.12534230353281425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164931982491321,0.0,0.0,0.1150254499340694,0.10968236043329144,0.3023918408909874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539609184729054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756131549619316,0.0,0.13505401247835475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536785278007335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699905034132078,0.0,0.2421920005162957,0.0,0.11516198362909982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604825866464705,0.0,0.1043001745450766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974423863962808,0.0,0.15053713008945474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928180262548222,0.0,0.14306559144103054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414966462163224,0.0,0.0,0.11619719050525333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951915713280228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198652839344132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993337830374404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621637464097554,0.14916754452199005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103892277344902,0.2263076089202037,0.24266390658600756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983861982562407,0.0,0.0,0.194838820754405,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,subzero709,2018/01/18,"Wife has untreated BPD and it's threatning out marriage I'll do my best to be concise. My wife known about her BPD since she was around 16 or 17. We've been together for 4 years and got married in June of 2017. One of her co-workers also has some similar mental health issues and they bonded over it and began talking to each other in a way that I would describe as very sentimental. I spoke to her about my unease with the nature of their texts and she said it was just a way to pump her self esteem up, though I was still not totally comfortable I know she has issues with self worth and I don't want her to feel worthless so I shut up about it because truth be told I was happy she had a friend to confide in even though I secretly wished she would come to me for that type of support (not necessarily instead of him, but as well as him). Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, I'm using her phone to play music on spotify and he sends her a text that says ""I can still smell you in my sheets"". I'm very alarmed and ask her about it, she explains his partner just left town and he probably sent it to my wife by mistake. I believe her although I'm distraught over it the rest of the day. That night I get insecure and look through their message history (not my proudest moment) and there are a lot of really mushy texts but nothing to be worried about really. Then I remember she uses Instagram sometimes to message people, and it's there that I come across very sexually explicit texts and one saying that meeting him was the best thing to happen to her in 2017. I'm crushed. I confronted her about it all and she told me that she was sorry but nothing happened between them, it was just a crush and nothing to worry about. I spent a night at my brothers and came back ready to work it out. That's when I saw they were still messaging. I told her it needed to stop, she agreed. Things were okay for a few days, and then there were more sexually overt messages. Finally I'm fed up, I go to her work to confront the guy who won't respect the fact that I'm married to the woman I love and upon confronting him he is shocked to discover that our marriage is not open. She had led him to believe we were in an open relationship and that I was okay with everything. He said anything I needed to know he would answer honestly. Turns out they had hooked up a few times, the message about him smelling her on his sheets was indeed intended for her, and up to this point he was under the impression we had a healthy open marriage. I spoke with her after all was said and done and asked why. Reasons she gave me were that I didn't do enough housework and she felt underappreciated for the work she did, that my libido is considerably higher that hers and it made her feel inadequate so she went outside the marriage to feel more like she could satisfy a person's sex drive, and that I'm boring and the newness of everything was gone. Now I'm here picking up the pieces and trying to decide if I can learn to trust her again, if I'm willing to put in the work, toand what I could have done to be a better husband.",5.901419443176633,5.500795111821088,6.239102692834326,82.18770926517577,66.73162939297124,9.262911912368782,31.623733455043357,8.676224119757912,2.2585265723413963,2444,86,509,33,35,788,286,626,0.078,0.8029999999999999,0.119,0.9835,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,3,1,6,7,31,29,3,4,27,2,50,4,0,7,6,97,103,45,0,12,13,5,4,1,2,5,1,7,0,6,34,44,1,1,15,1,2,12,7,11,1,2,46,15,89,18,86,46,15,71,0,1,2,2,103,33,0,5,27,365,123,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743843367288956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060839438110564185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260559750867868,0.06772542590576762,0.14224506091982075,0.0,0.0,0.05849917925196964,0.0,0.04637635805460548,0.0,0.0,0.17142739476943886,0.15967804338385252,0.06728468582416558,0.0,0.0,0.19163480588378887,0.0,0.0,0.0870128058323125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310686820486389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148396330279737,0.0,0.0,0.09812785341124282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570813134112585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860876750746239,0.0,0.05024870981115426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674775222448554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540175751074755,0.05435003923797665,0.07304667734792125,0.08333957828140849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058777566839090176,0.0,0.03974754247587305,0.0,0.04323680173147591,0.0,0.060846415441621414,0.0,0.0,0.07532904352623017,0.13455080280548976,0.08098629790295593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086720888791021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881104287506964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362080580839461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265881878795807,0.0,0.0,0.037167800138122674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388624270389558,0.0,0.0,0.06467867701696715,0.06866324000548052,0.0719867117473687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666859037950287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282154019235235,0.0,0.07347647241219978,0.0,0.14278783814958562,0.0,0.21899627894034548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310465531097976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274280985576743,0.06642825393458593,0.0,0.0,0.07191816936609483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202480174859933,0.0,0.0,0.07647926334609903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747485193152992,0.07822071205718824,0.0,0.08167915157746856,0.08618138623994889,0.0,0.21710240295085811,0.1210003375262489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158731602380432,0.0,0.0,0.06293239294649505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524295002661174,0.08516293702030359,0.0,0.0,0.18226763466961413,0.06360449849919854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633225531936076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114850304946985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108550098740876,0.0,0.14949222470915732,0.0,0.0443616126640993,0.0,0.0,0.21808696984758108,0.0,0.05165187386867305,0.08275086667114312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314136910518225,0.0,0.1883166090093437,0.04487269364156085,0.12077413016547732,0.061025071303877125,0.0,0.06840313379711836,0.07052493951819397,0.0686484365731277,0.0,0.08748578581601356,0.0,0.0,0.27692794516045793,0.15452152189927715,0.0,0.1621305894349593,0.0,0.0,0.04899164829819519 bpd,acstclvr,2018/01/18,"Beginning to understand, but will I ever fully comprehend? It feels a little better to see a therapist, to get a BPD diagnosis, to feel like I am not alone in my crazy, but I am scared that I won't overcome this, that my feelings will continue to steer me into doing inappropriate things to my loved ones, or cause me to miss opportunites due to self-doubt, procrastination, all the negative manifestations of my emotions. I guess I just have to continue to come up with ways to 'snap out of it' because a lot of this self-revalation is due to my partner (of 9 months) desiring me to change for the better, giving me insight when i cannot see what I am truly doing. *Sigh* I guess the first step is knowing then seeking help. I suppose I can be thankful for finding this sub.",5.9945333333333375,6.256955253333337,7.115333333333336,73.73433333333338,66.46666666666667,10.133333333333336,33.333333333333336,9.994966539143718,3.2433333333333336,608,25,115,13,9,206,94,150,0.085,0.713,0.202,0.9647,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,0,1,7,0,14,1,0,1,2,23,30,5,0,1,5,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,2,1,2,0,5,20,5,24,26,2,18,0,1,2,1,4,5,0,4,11,87,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702314638918758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830637783627738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852536949726596,0.0,0.0,0.20310913172193984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566480876162748,0.17059825496392633,0.1389165505924936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140276756678192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145874509280681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24462310652906916,0.11520860448882192,0.0,0.0,0.147394383919571,0.13717294613017694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425493274171895,0.15470123241419298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35530579809806273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809333356331516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862768526470863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878651875637484,0.16163109712871912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710275509978512,0.14554904047217312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287211411381256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927814976055203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145559789545008,0.0,0.2570165621279843,0.0,0.3364716319421913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484722488563536,0.0,0.18724248614378455,0.10713809655058447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788380008084344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800560210997536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdghost,2018/01/18,"I LOVE ALL OF YOU Thank you to everyone who has ever posted on this subreddit. Your support and understanding has saved me countless time. I hope you all have a wonderful day ",2.6768181818181813,5.55768145454546,4.0759848484848495,80.53397727272728,82.93939393939394,8.148484848484847,26.431818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.7307636363636365,140,6,25,4,4,46,28,33,0.0,0.551,0.449,0.9614,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,8,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,9,2,5,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,3,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813857596756136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919339677761142,0.0,0.30838890123562873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205505241180072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912826175085206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30909270009536194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662379652173437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971327405110816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881904590093126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359804541904523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499943586829111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DoloRollo,2018/01/18,"More frequent spitting I think my wife has BPD. She certainly has many of the symptoms but resists therapy. Its always been every month or two she gets really angry at me for something minor and says she wants a divorce. Then she gets over it after a day or two. Now she seems to be splitting on me every 24-36 hours and it's been like this for a few weeks now. What is happening? What can I do?",0.5877777777777808,2.976988086419756,2.42825925925926,92.0801666666667,87.88888888888891,5.215308641975309,20.44567901234568,6.742157984588678,0.4524064197530864,309,10,64,4,10,102,62,81,0.06,0.8740000000000001,0.065,-0.3181,0,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,2,1,0,1,9,14,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,10,2,8,11,2,12,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,3,10,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844400763661825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27917482610963257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295329225948647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735186495100947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316179090288273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601448078755132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182918697109039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082925838297911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247299106764781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692804793762956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200199547544226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17627407522505278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179225144078453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064580716699912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303911105064206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534891764930641,0.0,0.0,0.1420317015014376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4330620396157113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074166132482615,0.0,0.17780343806562146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,happy-when-it-rains,2018/01/18,"The emptiness feels like it's become all-encompassing and I don't know how to deal with it. For almost 2 months I've been sober. I've also avoided self-harm and my risk-taking urges to do extremely dangerous things. I have not had a breakdown of any kind in almost this same span of time. Yet I've been incredibly empty and bored because of this, feeling worse than ever, and my brain wants me to do anything, *anything*, ***ANYTHING*** to escape the boredom, but I've gotten used to ignoring it. Ironically I felt like I was *more* functional as an adrenaline-and-otherwise junkie since now I just feel like I have the emotional response of a corpse without any way to break it. It makes me want to regress, but I don't know. My moods still sometimes change a lot throughout the day but I feel like I'm in detached protector mode most of the time now, and it sucks.",1.996717533478666,4.566179497041421,3.030426658361882,89.17843973839928,82.43195266272191,6.161445032700094,24.279352226720647,7.475848149327749,1.254921893491125,681,26,135,11,19,217,104,169,0.155,0.7290000000000001,0.116,-0.7692,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,2,1,9,0,10,1,1,3,1,32,24,11,0,2,6,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,7,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,5,13,5,19,18,4,14,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,13,81,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903951517232516,0.0,0.0,0.11595726305546447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721133136662208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579704529419953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839127574977577,0.16014223409163986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186909268595184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533918523787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351366206240283,0.14948968432285212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631066305430574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116172377102572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29326748938559705,0.3107662723087449,0.13922371809495326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509962486448823,0.15937753663031007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28336069573665906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327468165149913,0.0,0.0,0.09678930659177208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573843052293988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126768707983107,0.0,0.0,0.11994634188344762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340971613592168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579800162668832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963322344281729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910252129243025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252343250992297,0.0,0.0,0.17105071651535297,0.11509506018482928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977580860384478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776842684370514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Poet_Princess,2018/01/18,"New relationship after an 11 year long toxic relationship. Does anyone have tips on separating past bad experiences from new experiences? I was in a toxic relationship for about a decade and I find myself internally questioning things with the new relationship I'm in. I don't have any real basis for my paranoid feelings, but I constantly question if he's going to end up like my ex. I have done DBT and I am better about checking facts than I used to be, but I fear I have a bad pattern in relationships and that I'm possibly repeating that again. Any advice or thoughts are welcome!",6.637324675324674,7.546275200000004,7.80948051948052,67.06136363636367,65.18181818181819,11.012987012987013,33.896103896103895,10.914260884657429,3.9895194805194807,472,20,81,13,7,161,75,110,0.128,0.772,0.1,-0.2942,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,5,0,10,0,0,1,1,16,16,7,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,3,1,12,3,15,12,0,17,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,4,12,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201918476719798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728519446185874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860027935436248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20539574492382645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878139681492176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291672811877378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763604337809048,0.12586926590541914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893938090867716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406305413572908,0.0,0.13840651433737194,0.062191290747903215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124175935178161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990238014116648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009042274684601,0.0,0.0,0.10884902040938216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35637559442217753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741514276068607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866133227501892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27557096041422763,0.0,0.0,0.13999821558877015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6602670496577993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171415129947103,0.0,0.0,0.09764636881752957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623044975330476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792064326207939 bpd,Quest1onEveryth1ng,2018/01/18,(1) Feelings are not facts (2) All feelings pass Something to keep in mind,4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,4.19857142857143,89.89642857142859,69.71428571428571,5.6000000000000005,35.42857142857143,3.1291,1.6758000000000002,57,3,11,0,1,17,13,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464366681756179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802899087506554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5456017368251509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41598956236760976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WeMustReviseOurPlan,2018/01/18,"Amazing results with 5HTP in the winter, terrible results in the summer Hey people, This isn't an advert or intended to make people take something, do your own research, this just is my experience, we're all different :) (also please be careful as 5htp is very dangerous when combined with some medications, especially SSRI's, I'm not on any prescribed medication) I became very suicidal due to many things including undiagnosed chronic pain and my GP has tried to convince me that it is all in my head... 5htp (Griffonia Simplicifolia extract) has pulled me out of depression, I'm not craving sugar or alcohol, far less mood swings, and no suicidal thoughts. It has also made me able to focus on the positive techniques I am learning in my therapy group. However when I took it last summer (in South America), it made me manic, more manic than I have ever been and very irritable/prone to anger. I'm not sure but maybe it has something to do with our serotonin levels, which are naturally high in sunny weather but lower in the winter. So that's my experience, I enjoy taking herbal supplements so will post about any that have had a good effect on me. Lemon balm and passion flower is great for me in the summer. It's early days (a week), but it's been the only thing this winter that has stabilised my mood, I will probably cycle it every few months to make sure it stays effective, and stick to lemon balm in the summer. It's not a miracle cure, I still feel some things intensely, I'm just less likely to react to them. Which is great :) Good luck people, stay strong",7.162466986794717,7.387735914965991,7.6907603041216515,70.72636854741897,64.0,10.727170868347338,33.62064825930372,10.46071229359064,3.5967805522208867,1245,48,214,28,17,412,167,294,0.08800000000000001,0.736,0.17600000000000002,0.9875,4,0,3,0,0,0,44.0,1,1,1,3,11,21,2,0,11,0,23,8,1,10,5,41,37,17,2,0,11,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,22,9,2,0,5,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,7,2,22,14,31,27,9,39,1,1,0,1,5,17,0,5,18,143,44,2,0.1117012200301332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937463370199933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865485060311653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192132003707734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388683831678935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203804610806397,0.0,0.09620809713455264,0.0,0.0,0.11670400053871265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104014853278988,0.09411309550950332,0.0,0.0,0.2185304539462467,0.0,0.0,0.05647949309336714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187379367465574,0.0,0.2463019788463397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463767755367554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801847178437808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105140288779777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05457157386016186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138879043004535,0.14912286348860493,0.113247504910814,0.11221888918468446,0.0,0.0,0.22505445523199985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915884813625133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495381128266627,0.11885797363364575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23231868442094986,0.0,0.0,0.12261439634625618,0.0,0.0,0.10697889171974499,0.0,0.1204328077086704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198611281410767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381172764637621,0.08920473860641251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443660097426625,0.0,0.2105541558975222,0.0,0.16797083214861236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774007996231168,0.0,0.2226279815926364,0.0,0.0,0.08867829155657109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410416547437797,0.0758377961398075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27649561446893034,0.0,0.0,0.08959998099444641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GrassyAlbatross,2018/01/18,"How BPD is Portrayed in TV - Shameless So I've been more aware lately of how TV is portraying people with BPD as psycho/crazy/nuts and it hurts. Think of Cassidy (Carl's girlfriend) in Shameless. Tell me she's not borderline? In the last episode the whole family (besides Frank) was telling Carl not to marry her. And I actually took it personally. Wow. My husband and I watch this show together and I always say he's just like Kev - patient, loving, a little ditzy and comes off as a ""blonde"". And last night I realized I'm just like Cassidy. Not to the extreme that she is though, but the freaking out she does when she feels abandoned by Carl. Anyways, I feel like the show doesn't really depict the other side of BPD. Like how Cassidy feels or what causes her to feel fearful of abandonment? It just shows her being psychotic every episode. Thoughts? Other shows you've noticed this in?",2.9177380952380965,5.598507678571429,3.4321428571428565,87.07952380952383,79.35714285714286,6.114285714285715,26.0,7.3871296695380915,1.488092857142857,702,28,129,10,18,219,104,168,0.13,0.7859999999999999,0.084,-0.8796,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,1,8,0,7,1,0,4,0,30,17,16,0,0,8,1,4,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,9,9,0,2,7,6,0,2,4,5,0,0,4,7,14,6,17,12,2,15,0,3,2,1,15,8,0,1,9,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.1398802930495475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927132632124153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5415995120196615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725085446012307,0.0,0.12347571536952558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254388133716054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077110791349766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135129286776432,0.16129865402423368,0.289910385726922,0.10240295195431304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534496743485806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336843506061745,0.1616950697856851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801169975334413,0.14366549744295387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937099155570825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134515966636831,0.0,0.0,0.16319485850266865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937471065930166,0.12515997028607762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918280163091731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399064217692564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25057298031203235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184722621837504,0.14083196000471845,0.11379686813172354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925730080259873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600352839588268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MissSweet87,2018/01/18,"Hypomania after starting tablets?? Yesterday morning i started lamotrigine and buspirone. Lastnight my thoughts were racing. About science and experiments etc. I was fully focused and felt if i had the ways and means of testing my ideas - it would be a good experiment. I could see myself working in the scientific field. Not really since im not qualified in the slightest, but felt my ideas were good enough, if you get me. Before the meds my mood had been quite flat. After a period of depression over the christmas, i was no longer depressed but not, not depressed either. If that makes sense. I felt so energized by my thoughts and felt quite good. It is not an unfamiliar feeling as i have been here on many occasions, only with different things. Usually involving science. This time it was about the brain, consciousness and a coma. Other times it has been about space, time travel, alternate universes. Alternate universes were included with last nights thoughts. Usually topics with endless questions and answers. Last time i was at this point i had started sertraline. Yesterday i started lamotrigine. It does come about without medication, but i am seeing medication being a possible trigger. Is it possible for it to have this affect hours after having a dose of lamotrigine, or is it likely to be psychological?",6.051590098594503,9.022229409691633,6.455670232850852,68.03161527165933,69.88105726872247,9.962576043633312,35.479127333752885,10.181067101454742,4.626933878749738,1064,56,155,32,21,343,132,227,0.08,0.846,0.07400000000000001,-0.3371,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,3,6,9,0,0,12,0,26,5,1,3,0,44,44,16,0,5,14,0,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,14,11,0,0,14,1,0,2,7,3,0,0,20,7,19,5,24,19,3,30,0,3,2,0,3,7,0,5,21,120,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442674324881894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075948870491303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546704888332951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792170613746445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563675359655787,0.0,0.0,0.10366111913148604,0.0,0.0,0.0868258601475883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251814957177012,0.11065368502129816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19410741119251687,0.0,0.0,0.05016732447055545,0.0,0.3810572500511027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051837023195472585,0.0,0.0,0.2496566721445181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770920358476133,0.0,0.0,0.2240088511989536,0.1071718730811267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617509301870082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847263498250366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622841910287751,0.10059092270799493,0.0,0.1080768909342026,0.1102082212945161,0.19990228772952198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310885676371464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545934253663414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379256128524456,0.22370553703276885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114625230888338,0.21105994450783816,0.0,0.0,0.06356123983787236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812692573727566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207370090601822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28090649047585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591566588790948,0.0,0.0,0.2363027206348355,0.23141797468895975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854801029120455,0.0,0.0,0.07875419455933748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564208236042844,0.0,0.07223148613764409,0.0,0.0,0.0704812306348845,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,0ctocat84,2018/01/18,"Watched a movie that hit too close to home Last night I watched the movie ""I, Tonya"" about the former figure skater Tonya Harding and damn, did it depress the shit out of me. Everything that happened could have been prevented if her mother just loved her. She just wanted to be loved and looked for it in the wrong place w/the wrong guy. My mom wasn't so blatantly cruel as hers, but I empathized w/her: desperate for love, not recognizing when someone treats you like crap because that's what you've been use to your whole life, being demonized... And then of course I felt like a horrible person for believing that she was the one behind the ""incident."" And because I (and the rest of the world) believed it, she was banned for life from doing the only thing she loved. I watched the movie w/a group of people and of course I was the only one w/such strong reactions. I hate that a movie can affect me so much. ",4.335535868625758,5.656829848314607,4.334269662921346,88.37550993949873,70.74157303370788,7.724114088159032,25.490060501296448,8.139509932561175,1.331095419187554,715,21,147,10,13,220,106,178,0.139,0.7,0.161,0.6693,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,1,7,16,5,0,14,0,13,8,2,2,1,22,24,13,0,3,5,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,10,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,8,0,2,8,6,20,8,18,12,3,10,1,1,4,4,18,5,3,1,7,96,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721012847239986,0.0,0.0,0.3180809804207844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270584320763775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158205488678253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686670982897436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553702299773654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977191948351786,0.12482850634910195,0.0,0.12645283330124638,0.1393675980581328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415963331352617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506533226554135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994128574859624,0.13792860031406665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853997280881508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5096144809103632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532645476959595,0.0,0.0,0.10376982678246204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247035461242793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913091538920716,0.2147191193640382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786349895612097,0.12325663682617423,0.14748355514360248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449000864790233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196055448933144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378132154328604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191807425731722,0.0,0.0,0.08326061541579066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760159441713265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086755297836038,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zelaruari,2018/01/18,"Having a low point So I’m in the beginning stages of a relationship with a man who, thankfully, has known me for over a decade and knows about my BPD. He has so far stuck with me while still attempting to maintain his own boundaries, things like not friending me on social media yet as I have, in the past, gone looking for reasons to believe he is seeing someone else. We tried at the beginning, but I started getting a little weird with it and when I got upset at one point and deleted him at one point, he decided it would be best if he made it a boundary for us to stay off each other’s social media. It’s been tough for me because the BPD monster wants to tell me he is doing it because he’s hiding something; he’s not. That’s not the issue, I’m just giving an example of how this guy has been sticking with me and putting up with my shit, though I’ve been trying not to give him any. But I’m struggling. I don’t do well in relationships, which is why I’ve stayed away from them. But I really care about him, and vice versa. I can’t shake it out of me, the idea that there’s someone else even though, rationally, there likely isn’t. Why would he stick with me if there were? I haven’t seen my therapist in a while, but I will see here in about a week. How have you guys navigated relationships when your minds wanted to throw all of the doubt and fear at you? Because I am starting to spiral downward hard, and I don’t want to take him (or the rest of my life) with me. Sorry for the wall of text.",5.4693552036199105,4.711892519230774,6.05290346907994,84.35484162895929,67.71794871794873,9.007843137254902,29.250377073906485,8.124751697461798,1.6987399698340877,1174,34,259,13,17,383,167,312,0.115,0.8170000000000001,0.068,-0.8918,0,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,2,3,1,2,20,16,1,5,18,0,25,2,1,4,1,45,50,25,0,7,12,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,3,13,17,0,0,5,0,0,4,9,9,1,2,9,5,34,7,46,37,5,42,0,1,4,0,32,23,1,4,14,180,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734557954565193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930444091695759,0.0,0.0,0.18110810319763448,0.0,0.0,0.11157585317591216,0.10392862790673314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494562434836219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009703592253448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545809768943082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541011342684032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114392334710662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651235879184977,0.0,0.0517404580447135,0.1900022316729873,0.0,0.0,0.07920543533576711,0.0,0.0,0.19611573311648872,0.0,0.0,0.08871377812928817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117957769623258,0.0,0.10336432882488858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054425739619256085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994967029719637,0.0967646744363202,0.09925670494979362,0.0,0.0,0.08316246123296174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370706229705847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999947181021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421413652354916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453784433334006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28085351644050005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955513900894357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344283410527013,0.10182203020172173,0.0,0.3189719252117596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783235730950707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165556427028703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201902575149472,0.1678200400210966,0.0762401514049718,0.0,0.11085891341680514,0.1401916004141113,0.2111111986042586,0.07908758057395844,0.0,0.0,0.10353039974325784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446020765915498,0.0,0.08655887745454519,0.09117593371423656,0.0,0.1149845081261729,0.06579287418766368,0.0,0.19459809836721592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447330055462556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912405178400318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523602050041942,0.0,0.07943799653501847,0.0,0.0890422213273951,0.0,0.1787230772570712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406998678474469,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ToastEquilibrium,2018/01/18,"Anybody have good things to share? So I'm in need of some BPD love right now because there is nobody in my actual life that I can talk to BUT I managed to avoid a strong SH urge so yayyyy! Anybody have any good news or positive stuff to share? :)",1.3094117647058852,3.3191007254901983,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,80.96078431372548,5.648627450980393,20.003921568627447,6.742157984588678,0.03965568627450988,191,5,44,2,5,60,40,51,0.041,0.568,0.391,0.975,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,7,7,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,1,25,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.2918914357276856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034073028020896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233669299735436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767227336706534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5017640937773841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127257145961825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26996143376203857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217887238290668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25544112609545594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424131692495217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24041594242158776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987175872922446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gbb_,2018/01/18,"I love her but it's hard. My GF has Bpd, diagnosed since the age of 14 iirc. She is 21 I tend to depression. I turn 21 this month. We started dating 10 months ago, my first ever relationship. Great start, hearts were flying out of our eyes. A couople of existential crisis, fights, and another guy with which she fell in love later, i'm still here with her. I know she cheated on me with this guy during a bad mood swing that lasted about 2 months. She doesn't know i do. During that period of time she kept getting mad at me, because of the way i act, i speak, because of my lack of genius, and complete distance from arts etc ( that guy painted ) I'm at my first year studying psychology. I've read in a message to a friend of her that she thought she would have found a love similar to her first. Now i think she doesn't madly love me like she did before. I keep telling her that i love her, and that whatever happens i'll be there for her. I on the other hand have had troubles in bed since the start ( i have hard times...getting it up ). All the things i listed, plus many other threats because of my inability to have an erection have made it even harder...to achieve. My friends keep telling me to leave her, that she is just using me, manipulating me. But i care too much for her. I just wish i could also be with her physically. But it's getting harder and harder. Now i'm going to her in the city nearby to help her stay focused on her textbooks. I love her so much, i don't want to lose her, i don't want her to suffer in any way, i always made it clear to her. I don't know what i'm searching for, maybe i just wanted to vent out a bit. 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I want all 3 of them to fucking die. They hang out with her all of the time now. My hands are shaking with rage just thinking about it right now. I’m so fucking angry. They’re literally ditching me for her and there’s nothing I can fucking do about it but sit and watch it happen because I don’t have any other friends and if I throw a fit they’ll say I’m crazy and manipulative and toxic. If I tell them to stop talking to her they’ll get mad at me for trying to control them and they’ll get even further from me and get even closer to her. And then I won’t have any fucking friends left and then I’ll be alone and she’ll win. I’m having a fucking meltdown and every time they’re with her and every time they talk about her I want to hurt myself bad. I want to hurt myself and I want them to know about it. But I know that’s manipulative. I don’t know what to fucking do and I’m losing my God damn mind. I cry so much and throw a fit by myself in my room every time I see on social media that they’re with her. It makes me hate them so much. I can’t hang out with the 3 of them because my ex-best friend hates me because of how I acted when she was my best friend. I acted the way I did because of my personality disorder and now I’m going to fucking lose my new best friends to her too. I hope she fucking chokes. I hope they all fucking choke. Who relates.,1.6987195871221417,3.1005420287539955,3.2800798722044746,92.98784652248709,77.59424920127795,5.5821577783239125,23.540058982551,5.873414542411696,0.2528786925534523,1137,36,263,6,26,376,130,313,0.203,0.61,0.187,-0.831,1,1,0,0,0,4,21.0,0,0,12,7,18,36,16,1,6,0,19,11,1,5,3,49,53,28,1,8,5,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,1,1,10,24,0,2,4,0,0,8,4,22,0,0,2,4,59,14,35,45,8,35,0,4,2,10,38,12,11,4,13,169,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689385591818769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052941190861556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557681316718545,0.16230325420000308,0.07351292734339156,0.0,0.0,0.3492655950227597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465537738507749,0.0,0.0,0.07311565703124663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690812492767079,0.0,0.07628626265652742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792765822727278,0.0,0.1682450465931051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114074831279321,0.6153585458034683,0.1043283004676302,0.0,0.03782893869089612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886089935318139,0.0,0.0,0.1314331542100265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222293917243408,0.0,0.0,0.14251282477795538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974284207657706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232022867027217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148932571005173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04443091045567996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720903647146183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786202701260643,0.0,0.0,0.06428636852852493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386840590892398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811970924772076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568439151498807,0.0,0.05293308208000469,0.0,0.0,0.05304160489737248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785197155637537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055649136333776696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700065130925247,0.0581784604445937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04265049017525526,0.0,0.0,0.1552522534966148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045191491775523465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570408826447695,0.05283412489492885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,3yeswideshut9,2018/01/18,Friends can be manipulative and gaslight you too. But god it's a relief when you get rid of them. ,1.7035000000000018,3.877894350000002,3.0599999999999987,90.935,80.5,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,0.7669999999999999,77,3,18,1,2,25,19,20,0.0,0.644,0.35600000000000004,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8283733543995233,0.0,0.5601763880429822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,klockrike,2018/01/18,"Guilt & Neg. Feels Hey all, I was just recently diagnosed with BPD, but I had suspected a couple years ago that I have it. Being diagnosed officially, has given me weird feelings. I'm happy that there is something to put a name to all the crap that goes on in my head, instead of feeling like I'm going crazy (I still think I am going crazy most of the time but you know what I mean), but then I'm also extremely sad and guilty even. Which brings me to my question. Does anyone else out there identify as extremely self aware, to the point where you know you are having an emotional outburst that is not necessary? I can see my rational brain trying to calm me down but my irrational side takes over. Once I am calm again, I feel extreme guilt and self hatred for ""over-reacting"" and then, I spiral again and dive into a self-loathing pit of despair. It's so hard for me to know if my feelings and reactions are ""normal"" (whatever that means), to the point that I am ALWAYS feeling guilty for having ANY negative feelings or reactions, especially with my partner. So firstly, does anyone understand my ramble and do the same things? And secondly, How do you know if your feelings are valid or if they are just the BPD rearing it's head? I'm struggling :(",4.897440447253281,6.101795904958677,5.467549829849297,81.21758142926596,69.2892561983471,8.999902771025766,29.524550315994173,9.325443323948027,2.54700068060282,987,37,188,20,17,318,138,242,0.21,0.718,0.071,-0.9908,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,5,1,1,14,11,1,3,10,0,19,6,4,1,2,48,45,23,0,4,12,0,9,1,1,0,2,0,0,3,12,11,0,0,18,0,0,4,2,7,0,2,3,10,28,4,22,41,4,24,0,2,1,0,12,10,1,7,11,131,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959271329659928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865404569969206,0.09004454841203527,0.11725220878079115,0.0,0.07359072770316798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133456805285153,0.11088028652163474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725890342307349,0.1208050697783267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973916831544786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196743325563106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940145384090007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040075009743688,0.12172866084009296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714757802769361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.437738902851297,0.07730967575518012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204864545282898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300352196308195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519815844245256,0.0969404604411517,0.0,0.22212208559844487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23789117631093504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528689696916321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23575833553214665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602890069445613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152467224762257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459857739031528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087871717146908,0.1212269117777046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685044337868901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623430155233518,0.0,0.3386792967636932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331011864391652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642159806161027,0.0,0.0,0.11313106974365805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136511562502395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189403553756703,0.06934057214603748,0.0,0.0,0.06310173716750543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347169711230615,0.0,0.0,0.11265688189163665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968768556102141 bpd,limerense,2018/01/18,"His indifference is hurting me... For the majority of last year I was his favourite person. We weren't dating but he was like my best friend. I'd hear from him every single day and I'd never feel a burden on his life. He always wanted to talk to me whether he was in a good or bad mood. Even when we were fighting he'd want to talk about everything. His mood changed all the time but no matter what I'd be a huge part of his life and I loved the connection we had. At one point we even talked about dating each other, as I grew to have feelings for him and he often flirted with me or made advances. So I really had high hopes. He's got BPD but he's been in therapy for a while now. I don't know what happened, but right now I'm just a distant shadow in his life. I've not been split black or devalued...its like he just doesn't find me that important anymore. He rarely texts or calls, and doesn't care to know what's going on with me. Recently we went weeks without speaking just because I decided to wait to see if he'd reach out, but he never did. So I sent him a text yesterday, just asking how he was. He said he was fine and he was the ""same as always"". I told him ""glad to hear, I'm doing well too"". I'm ashamed to say I lied about that. I told him I was trying out new hobbies and making new friends, just because I didn't want him to know the truth (that I'm really depressed and miss his company). He replied ""good for you, hope everything works out for you"", which sounds nice but it made me die a little inside. It felt like something a long distant friend would say. I hoped he'd say something like ""hey its been a while, we need to catch up soon"" but he didn't. I just don't understand how I went from being the biggest part of his life to an acquaintance. I thought people with BPD split back and white, but I seem to be grey right now, boring old grey. I'm not even important enough for him to split black?? I've never seen him be like this with anyone else in his life. He's either really into someone, or he's been ""abandoned"" by them/painted them black. I feel like I'm broken. Is this normal for people with BPD, and is there a chance he'll come back to being my close friend again? Anything I can do?",2.4570934668574163,3.653790834763949,3.613268955650933,92.21269790176443,75.20171673819742,6.722842155460183,22.386504530281357,7.1686216300943375,0.5036244158321415,1723,44,393,18,36,559,211,466,0.08900000000000001,0.7070000000000001,0.204,0.9952,0,0,2,0,2,0,63.0,6,2,1,3,28,35,1,1,17,0,38,6,0,5,5,88,84,33,1,10,25,0,4,6,4,2,5,8,0,1,13,27,0,2,12,0,0,8,14,9,1,1,30,20,56,24,51,44,10,54,0,4,8,1,70,20,0,11,32,239,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711171652499326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575031874557593,0.053407999301474766,0.07826228126579314,0.06285579419142474,0.0,0.07140676416899859,0.0,0.0,0.11746593013250432,0.06377569465725091,0.09312339257920224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015808994102717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886009813309892,0.0,0.07799445823458827,0.0,0.07787643596551955,0.0,0.08080192058744527,0.06579624212234764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926000552593041,0.0,0.06578761713467414,0.0,0.07927235135198514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380727496933214,0.0,0.0,0.07892291917516905,0.0,0.15134857047742584,0.0,0.06435504369324634,0.0,0.13729425022691746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586294849144622,0.05456724345078805,0.07333860070757832,0.0,0.06981167132701889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360498608002847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340959305998715,0.12813102486085168,0.061089581738347075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754426046537171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217590143983275,0.0,0.0,0.08070166927541851,0.0,0.2275933788245077,0.0,0.0,0.08176840196324509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593248133966606,0.06226144172023235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697539684666906,0.22389802404227416,0.07655472840222208,0.0,0.06759557645114925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893764541904736,0.14454879813207686,0.050985510271002184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663620980302121,0.17673128643158229,0.14754022680521178,0.0,0.0,0.07483804298100613,0.0,0.0,0.08014995351137875,0.0,0.051758351108352134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542830512620008,0.0,0.10590718189094828,0.06669372746149768,0.0,0.0,0.0722055827623502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679659988066987,0.0,0.07541790985042247,0.0,0.0,0.13045944771306014,0.07265667661985661,0.1822258539643003,0.0,0.0,0.06086648379584812,0.06953521156420478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471813461248596,0.1176050340801494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417862982259894,0.0,0.0,0.08734935752403597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063869535764343,0.04453889918114411,0.0,0.0,0.14597235431619607,0.0,0.05185829514750149,0.0,0.0,0.07951624994592876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515606791986018,0.0,0.06126895157995715,0.0,0.06867649972359326,0.14161357003593067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362942432542212,0.0,0.05560693171068905,0.0,0.0,0.054259509091794784,0.0,0.0,0.049187438265454436 bpd,romanticmisery,2018/01/19,literally crying my eyes out because i didn’t get invited somewhere literally i have that feeling of horribleness in my gut and i just want to block my best friend and tell her to get the fuck away from me i spent the day at the phycologist and then she went out with my other friends and she’s actually ignoring me i hate everything fuck she’s gonna find better friends i ugh sorry for ranting i just had to get that out somewhere ,2.9016379310344824,5.065515068965524,4.5202155172413825,82.02446120689656,76.47126436781609,8.02816091954023,28.11637931034483,8.841846274778883,2.3277827586206903,349,15,70,8,8,117,57,87,0.253,0.565,0.182,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,3,0,3,0,3,4,2,0,0,15,14,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,4,2,17,5,13,9,1,9,0,0,1,2,8,6,2,0,2,47,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.20322411467802395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565980505632527,0.0,0.0,0.12694861332716842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854784459904866,0.18418215491338608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287552721816324,0.13430544615708395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871636567501196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529857385709264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190338745691196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826854189055788,0.3850516219102238,0.3264095508233027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560594122922315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312129746943075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202160924880703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228325481561891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19305188359714348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rachelxpalmer,2018/01/19,"Have any of you borderline peeps ever dated somebody who also had BPD? If yes, how was it? If no, would you? I've been thinking about smth and sb a lot more than I probably should recently. I don't trust my own judgement on these things so it'd be nice to read through other people's thoughts and experiences. Do share pls",1.6905494505494507,4.079981307692311,2.917582417582416,90.68384615384615,82.07692307692307,6.175824175824177,23.131868131868128,7.447530270364453,0.9978791208791208,255,9,53,4,7,82,58,65,0.073,0.78,0.147,0.5996,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,10,0,0,1,1,11,12,7,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,5,3,6,4,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343728883078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700985246450515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38339487541932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753570892572519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977722746180277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25879926355595584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110401909575805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282064393539165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044932805162029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005690419152789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223707733588506,0.1950542148143164,0.0,0.2416682536387907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162447712335104,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,confused2497,2018/01/19,"My therapist said that i’m slightly dissociating all the time due to my lack of intense emotions. Sometimes emotions aren’t there, sometimes I can’t stop feeling About two months ago I saw my DBT therapist for a private session (couldn’t see my regular therapist due to weather, so I saw DBT therapist to keep being in group), and we talked a little bit about my dissociation. I have Depersonalization/derealization disorder, which comes and goes in intensity, but it pops up a couple times a day. I’ve been dealing with it for almost 4 Years now, and since it first came up it’s not super intense (like a really bad headache that won’t go away even with meds), more like a nagging dull headache that’s not even hurting, just really annoying. Anyways, she brought up my chronic dissociation, and she asked me how it’s affected my life. I said it kinda hasn’t really, except when I drink or smoke weed, in which case it amplifies a lot and makes me anxious. But when I’m sober it’s not too big of a deal. She then brought up an interesting point and asked when the last time I felt really intense happiness or sadness for an extended period of time. Up until that point. I couldn’t really think of many times where I was spouting emotions for more than a week (I’ve recently gotten better since my depression isn’t intense). She then theorized that it’s possible I’m slightly dissociated all the time due to the fact that I never seem to be super happy or excited. I thought about it, and it made sense. On the other hand, there’ll be frequent times where I’m super talkative and can’t seem to shut up. I’m loud and excitable, almost to the point of annoyance. Or when I’m not super happy, I’ll get very sullen or angry and hardly talk to anyone, even to people that I normally get annoyingly excitable around. I feel like this *mayyyy* be a Borderline trait, but Ive always figured that it may be an asocial trait, as it’s determined by who I’m around. Most often I get pumped with emotions whenever I’m around people I really like and enjoy being around—coworkers or my boyfriend, usually. I dunno really, I just remembered this discussion and just thought I would post here, see if any of you lovely people could relate at all. As of today, I’m kind of dissociated, not feeling very much of anything despite the fact that I’ve taken my meds. I just wish i didn’t have these stupid tendencies. I’m sick of this all-or-nothing kind of thing. :/",6.3711211573236834,6.591065632911395,7.143788426763113,73.99680379746837,65.66666666666667,10.568896925858953,33.17329716696805,10.371327730470783,3.3951828812537683,1946,77,363,45,28,648,223,474,0.14800000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.6168,1,0,2,0,0,0,58.0,1,1,0,6,27,30,5,0,20,0,23,6,1,4,6,79,65,33,0,8,20,0,6,4,0,3,3,3,0,0,31,21,1,2,11,1,0,5,15,10,0,2,16,13,39,20,51,37,10,61,0,4,4,1,18,23,0,17,36,225,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060668022853382124,0.0,0.13706575622597925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694764924143472,0.0,0.0,0.046541617705551215,0.0,0.0,0.07731783694247535,0.0,0.047854912104961636,0.0,0.056320374207223474,0.2437048112081455,0.12796451721466348,0.0,0.06430173072122405,0.0,0.057144628186275075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060529710358680835,0.07471886785588869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827724644936061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895508958926264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546438541093844,0.07572767344544576,0.0,0.04413820524200447,0.14111748428377108,0.058947361383143326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784382886819012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704524660743473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079436213475257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561212987075535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381611909822566,0.048893624050721535,0.06571323278655611,0.0,0.0,0.0582151175927965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727138890807757,0.0,0.03889608836817962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21856729038900388,0.061308890275560725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326654696099458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060832709165250735,0.0,0.14253967316589775,0.0,0.0557878194281589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483412695467947,0.1337455112986137,0.06859496417807934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818532907251245,0.0617698660387832,0.06475968132078458,0.04568430093913019,0.06938752346780933,0.0,0.0,0.15204305389696904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462823814342807,0.0,0.05031135133970304,0.0,0.05278522748773972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705677081718538,0.06567012573276675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234325233005593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409406053997535,0.077155934068723,0.06554670114462907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30691138241045524,0.0,0.06757634613233357,0.0,0.07752929635498376,0.0,0.13020442326832676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090758040100541,0.12461060070127156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322872271960333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537802594621795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721899158044232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001912643610748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31785694356622113,0.045468564066865634,0.04385365522300904,0.0,0.10866759565806997,0.27935582560842737,0.0,0.06487321620436806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685603697878766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537710553140559,0.11294050703556092,0.0,0.0,0.05489852327310522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870274210365698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861788631678824,0.0,0.0,0.04407318314948658 bpd,_blue_morpho_,2018/01/19,"Does anybody wish they didn't have empathy? I have a persistent issue where I mistake my hatred for my own empathy for having no empathy. I have plenty of empathy- maybe even too much- and I resent that. I disregard my intuition in hopes that a person or situation will turn out alright and then it doesn't and I end up hating myself for caring too much. I also avoid forming relationships with people because I don't want to be let down and have to deal with the empathy mess that creates. Although I long for closeness with people, I hate and am afraid of having it. So I guess the core of my question is, do you wish you were a hard-ass so people didn't fuck with you but, in reality, you're a softie?",2.632651391162028,4.740488326241135,4.5407092198581545,81.82615384615389,77.08510638297872,7.459028914348062,25.03055100927441,8.384062270229773,1.8294698308783417,558,20,106,11,13,190,86,141,0.135,0.769,0.096,-0.5129,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,1,1,7,11,4,2,6,1,17,1,0,0,0,22,27,12,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,11,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,20,3,18,21,4,10,0,0,0,1,8,7,1,4,3,87,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610066478819974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374607915044824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351977125966556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754581375863158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489341787305057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073758490035835,0.0,0.0,0.11240871090260654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733766205367966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748317384598007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245656850858094,0.33605424578520177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903680188672385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763386038941048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403052860271426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15061255460075038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097845782825274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25021806618275383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539643875961988,0.14860310683320765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065144622188826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272007721089256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19130038605874666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851175539339284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003823116241634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914195784464351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,milanise7en,2018/01/19,Prove to me that i am not the most hated person in the entire universe. Protip: You can’t.,0.6726315789473674,2.747354421052634,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,83.73684210526315,3.8,14.76315789473684,3.1291,-1.0134421052631586,70,1,14,0,2,24,18,19,0.0,0.8170000000000001,0.183,0.5551,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7490768027292753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6624831647769521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jujuondatbeataye,2018/01/19,My life with BPD I have BPD along with other issues. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 3 years ago. And it changed me forever. I also have been in recovery from anorexia for about 2 years. So I feel like I'm a complete mess. I used to have friends but at age 28 I only have 2 left. I don't like to go out and socialise. I don't even like going to the store. Since I gained a lot of weight from my recovery I try my best to avoid being in public. I'm just glad I manage work well. I feel like I'm the only one this screwed up that I know. Or I'm at least honest about it. Glad to have found this subreddit. Hope to hear and relate to all your stories.,0.03893617021276441,1.985550624113479,2.1355744680851068,96.494,85.31205673758865,5.4621276595744686,18.61985815602837,6.742157984588678,-0.06707886524822683,502,13,120,6,15,168,86,141,0.063,0.659,0.278,0.9877,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,3,7,14,1,1,4,0,10,4,0,1,1,20,23,7,0,1,3,0,3,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,6,8,1,1,4,0,1,2,2,3,1,1,3,4,18,11,23,19,4,13,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,3,8,76,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432260387839366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302003271488316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17086066318759208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101108621981119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722330178845219,0.0,0.17070479870527505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525028268599626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753548453766808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464480988076335,0.23262518882821975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851444652509801,0.1257877894525296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505909670226992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835004347444805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170859224011574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993294464360592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947696273029346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689521110253933,0.0,0.11499860334399815,0.31816597178899114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384165463832658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032531092464254,0.24765102059535785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467938568074478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053834625050013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061689340135247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826059012692265,0.14638712445379484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852873785921607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969058341378424 bpd,_constantheadache,2018/01/19,"Careers and BPD Just wanted to open a conversation here. I know some of us who are struggling so hard we need to be on disability, some who work as much as they can, some more than full time. What do you do for work? Did you find a passion? Myself: I started this school year working with a special needs student in a HS, and went to an after care after. First job I've ever loved. I worked 50 hours a week and then lost it and quit my after school job, but now I feel balanced. Doing what I love helps a lot too!",2.6448831775700943,3.693054925233647,3.742137850467291,92.055636682243,74.51401869158876,6.097663551401869,22.72079439252337,5.985473137389443,0.1846644859813087,395,10,90,2,8,128,80,107,0.046,0.787,0.16699999999999998,0.9357,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,2,1,7,6,7,0,1,7,0,7,3,0,0,1,20,18,9,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,2,12,5,14,14,7,17,0,1,0,3,11,4,0,4,12,66,18,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170694572558887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328653461421175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486744872951893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097810809647929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637683074842284,0.13622595776726446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434655230941222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734709947065567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577183262892892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31785404246838245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801583439363451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482578695112638,0.1361562513082902,0.2890884536607064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773079409985532,0.2375026622048647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703423013043475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241665290795436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335703264436095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742656291409186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933864321428472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19264419532867486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944623179403858,0.0,0.12846497992495018,0.0,0.0,0.14846332410327726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466372815704495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313320379058706 bpd,slaughteredlamb1986,2018/01/19,"Been told I possibly have BPD but... so after 11 years of being told I'm bipolar I saw my new nhs psychiatrist the other day and was told I'm not bipolar but rather I have three other things that probably confused the other doctors into thinking I'm bipolar. she said I had social anxiety disorder , recurring depression and a lot of the indicators for BPD but because she has only seen me once and only had a brief look through my medical history and that I'm not showing all the symptoms as far as she can she yet. that she can't say I have full blown BPD . but she told me to look up the illness on an official website and she what I think. well I looked it up and it's me completely, the only thing that doesn't ring with me is that it's linked with childhood trauma. as far as I remember (and I will admit I have a terrible memory and the is allot from my childhood I can't remember) I had a great childhood. so my question is do you have to have had childhood trauma to be diagnosed with BPD?",3.138529411764708,4.590990647058824,5.000147058823528,81.92316176470591,73.90196078431373,8.433333333333335,28.926470588235286,9.017664075816787,2.4507705882352946,788,33,157,17,16,270,105,204,0.161,0.816,0.024,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,12,0,24,8,0,0,1,30,41,18,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,14,12,0,0,7,1,0,1,5,5,1,1,13,8,28,2,20,25,4,18,0,1,5,0,17,7,0,4,10,122,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538234709682972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680372189882237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5622821541238422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702233564458955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198006194798684,0.0,0.09613065825320656,0.1132831308347185,0.0,0.0,0.1279162314702427,0.11423890575041612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305186393226385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28117617257020266,0.0,0.0,0.0948879449932352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243665329962642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779489924812168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886240316401245,0.0,0.25465629327331474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258249827665457,0.0,0.0,0.12033587011002647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250302112931862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528677151151934,0.0,0.10616791509045097,0.08875779391979266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377367558816945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600688689572408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829919070222558,0.14303204229943878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.426597561010924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003519721871118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187402469020157 bpd,Orchidgirl__,2018/01/19,"Testing for BPD Hello everyone, I have not been diagnosed with BPD yet but suspect that I might fit the bill in a lot of ways. I'm currently looking for a psychologist and therapist to see if I fit the criteria for BPD. But I'm wondering, how do I get tested for the neurological side of mental illness? For poor working memory and cognitive deficits? Do I have to see a separate doctor (a neurologist I'm assuming) for all of that? Has anyone here been tested for things beyond simply a diagnosis of BPD? Thanks everyone ",3.8615151515151496,6.2166959595959606,6.2212121212121225,70.0518181818182,74.25252525252526,10.460606060606061,31.202020202020197,10.504223727775694,4.171068686868686,416,20,71,15,9,147,61,99,0.111,0.7879999999999999,0.101,-0.2755,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,8,0,8,4,0,1,1,14,17,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,16,14,2,8,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,5,2,51,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066874919144704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7686767341962053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486550019578602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561721074488117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915934799005913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797167586591942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812878165638808,0.0,0.0,0.12971806972185113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376476469541034,0.16186328050340312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431730296121569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404751750968912,0.0,0.17715715380638808,0.10136738002165004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111091135407345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546651417255195,0.11108006581158017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seianat,2018/01/19,How do I motivate myself like a normal person? I'm in a depressive episode and I need to work out and exercise but I just can't. All I want to do is lie in bed. How do I motivate myself ,-1.8935714285714305,-0.008065595238093692,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,97.8095238095238,6.609523809523811,18.904761904761905,7.793537801064563,1.0351619047619045,143,5,34,4,6,54,28,42,0.08199999999999999,0.735,0.182,0.5882,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,4,1,13,8,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,5,8,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,26,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237860093104936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403817370553213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36483512217444136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820864010715454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42962292659256346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902129263455109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35820479151012763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BlueberryFish,2018/01/19,Freaking out in pure BPD mode and just want someone to talk to I can't think this situation through normally because I'm too emotional right now. PM anyone?,3.5090000000000003,6.131837233333332,4.436666666666671,81.06500000000003,76.66666666666666,8.0,33.33333333333333,8.841846274778883,3.251333333333333,127,7,23,3,3,41,28,30,0.094,0.8079999999999999,0.098,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358788912954143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564187839407871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424873180007216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794667923829397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305256672400915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880900828344544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791889876588471,0.0,0.0,0.28583062535126696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711444700610828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21615652643069494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989743351167747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,foxyraynbow,2018/01/19,"trying not to quit my job Over the past couple of months there is one person who hates me at my job. I constantly walk on eggs shells around him because his anger just triggers something terrible inside of me. I have been at my job for a couple years now (longest run yet) and I just want to quit after a quarral yesterday where he started yelling at me and calling me out for not doing any work (im not even exaggerating) at me while i was talking to a manager. he was forced to apologize to me afterwards for being wrong. afterwards, i was caught outside crying when i went on a smoke break (i dont like to show people im weak....) anyways, i dont want this to happen again. all i want to do is find another job and not be disturbed by him anymore. my last therapy session left me raw, and i dont think i am capable of making a good choice. i have a good job, and i keep moving up. i dont want to make a bad decision. what do i do? ",2.9492087912087928,3.815353184615386,4.788809523809527,85.53750000000005,73.56410256410257,8.032967032967035,27.261904761904763,8.418075326091056,1.7411904761904764,721,26,157,12,14,247,113,195,0.139,0.785,0.076,-0.9443,5,0,2,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,11,10,2,1,8,0,19,2,0,3,1,25,32,7,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,7,1,1,3,1,0,5,8,7,0,1,6,1,29,3,27,24,1,33,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,16,108,32,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694518908429276,0.10709219238672248,0.0,0.0,0.1012855003067728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091733796731348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527427009868385,0.062257489894716626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428613178485588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036622962600454,0.0,0.0,0.2260097679971555,0.11218499102079786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787823192993652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674558907710481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933449545124463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713235689666171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031320695908887,0.0,0.0,0.10083221449125204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063581515418887,0.0,0.5067412476432513,0.09077782176274957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324956751185965,0.0,0.0,0.11096452570383472,0.0,0.0,0.04989555106469224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634511383481562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151917830794031,0.1085480094425396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920591984135017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974946253259874,0.07080407106888624,0.08917596209660658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172556173746925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862465077811095,0.0,0.0,0.0722881278529647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208821197639002,0.0,0.0,0.11679453664099412,0.0,0.0,0.06544076948250405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933955468507834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409556410314768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946755177327564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435184421808955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166310412538864,0.0,0.0657683607940728 bpd,beartun,2018/01/19,"Can't shake off the feeling of dread lately I'm sorry, I just want to vent. I want to bail from my current relationship for whatever reason. There's this feeling of... fear? I know I used to split but this doesn't feel like splitting, and it's been days. I think it might even stem from some dream I had some days ago about him leaving somewhere else. I woke up about to cry. Stupid, I know! But it was so vivid and a very likely scenario that it's been on my mind ever since. Why is my brain such a bitch, I don't even know. Will this, too, pass? He tried reassuring me that he's not going anywhere but then I just feel guilty instead of happy every time I'm with him and it sucks, to say the least. It makes me feel on edge all the time so I've been avoiding talking with him or doing anything that has to do with him. I'm really pissed that despite me making conscious effort to *NOT* be this way, the unconscious part managed to ruin everything.",1.0867032967032983,3.3261542564102555,2.312454212454213,95.02230769230768,83.35897435897436,4.945054945054945,19.542124542124547,6.18269132825596,-0.11340293040293048,740,20,162,6,21,236,118,195,0.208,0.7120000000000001,0.08,-0.9864,1,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,13,13,4,4,6,0,15,2,2,4,2,37,35,10,0,2,8,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,14,6,0,1,11,1,0,3,5,9,0,0,6,7,20,4,23,26,5,17,0,1,1,0,10,4,3,4,11,104,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443385336051467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479992871501835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929820097452167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658694491842388,0.19561108907207905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266890900053033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003346554302713,0.13718149340735108,0.1277766826222801,0.0,0.13629859316644174,0.0,0.0,0.17065511179559215,0.38340903699898493,0.1083430442720024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618957391478559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144058370788733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500384395149341,0.0,0.1710745224627008,0.16058175853536127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481828779635477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024630546530584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088300184397486,0.1531292818979521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422862007217054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715468789252872,0.15592757959736467,0.0,0.16282173958899088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060290212608928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545137281853042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976642492425914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218953116859244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717501211173732,0.0,0.0,0.1768636134299454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029644382183865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309820521493417,0.0,0.12513204524543314,0.17890122259247948,0.12037743776169922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684591045610828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dre-ezy,2018/01/19,"Thought I was done being like this. I thought I grew out of this. I have a new fp. I hadn’t had one in 2 years.. I thought I grew out of the creepy obsession, the pain, overanalyzing everything.. But apparently not. He lives with me. He’s cheating on his partner with me. He’s all I think about. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. He’s all I can think about. He’s all I fucking talk about and people are starting to notice This hurts. I don’t want my self worth to be based around him. it fucking hurts ",-0.7049034749034746,1.3912610900900937,1.3219626769626769,99.70641891891891,91.25225225225223,4.6128700128700135,18.739382239382238,6.18269132825596,-0.3663698841698837,395,12,99,4,14,130,67,111,0.15,0.795,0.055,-0.8957,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,1,5,0,10,4,1,0,3,17,20,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,5,0,1,3,3,7,0,1,7,0,18,1,18,11,3,14,0,2,0,2,10,6,2,0,6,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833890161223594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935147357990012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995069502731378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496394113115935,0.0,0.0,0.10746976656639724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048704653533045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923846039639574,0.0,0.16697857609137765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263375231366552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529136045981215,0.0,0.0,0.12813890938322187,0.0,0.20121550553481304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109798218790944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727231861967895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384580229073484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199124554643206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423350155567645,0.0,0.4503723238758282,0.2205312126058099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115359535798714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177406273038735 bpd,PainlessMe,2018/01/19,"My two best friends They’re a couple and have been for quite a while but he’s going to break up with her (he told me in class) and I had to hold back tears. I feel like I can’t handle this since there will be some complications in the friend group and obviously I don’t want to make this about myself but I already feel like shit, because I love these two so much. What am I supposed to do?",0.9217857142857148,2.7308187976190506,2.131190476190479,98.48464285714287,81.26190476190476,5.152380952380953,17.642857142857142,5.985473137389443,-0.6518999999999999,305,6,75,2,8,97,63,84,0.079,0.674,0.247,0.9377,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,7,1,0,3,0,9,2,1,1,1,13,16,7,0,1,2,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,3,2,11,6,10,11,3,7,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,1,4,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24090391723694515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678623181539385,0.0,0.13307610585529786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290966032638499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24154924862199725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207621460961556,0.311912874501982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33732229242260825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406720677133948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330463680505332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970279034110062,0.0,0.14571963013782172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604785748768232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321931994391746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22408594192249445,0.1805833432546414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859884865564424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42650261821933255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287613684978373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RicoAuerbach,2018/01/19,"Meds Does any medication help you guys with BPD? seroquel at 400mg did the trick for me for 3 years for stabilization, with an ssri for anxiety and depression ",6.166,7.314074933333334,6.780000000000001,73.17000000000002,66.33333333333334,11.333333333333336,31.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,3.7586666666666666,128,5,24,4,2,42,26,30,0.198,0.721,0.081,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369786930737032,0.0,0.2665866322309285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43889899647942776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001457480291755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049576379956331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450504876391496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335791366190473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870832813697061,0.35105744643528164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441001961815227 bpd,SelectRelative,2018/01/19,"What do I make of this conversation with BDP GF Her: ""The back of my new shoes is digging into my ankle, its rubbed raw"" Me: ""Are they too tight on you? They look like they might be too tight"" Her: ""What do you mean?"" Me: ""I mean they look too tight. Like your foot is crammed in there tight, fills them up"" (they are cloth vans, so its sorta visible) I see her ""snap"" and i sense the beginnings of an episode. I suddenly feel a strong desire to end the conversation. Her: ""Do you mean they are too long or too narrow?"" me: ""I'm not sure, they just look too tight. I could very well be wrong. If you don't think they are too tight, don't worry about it"" Her (as if she hadnt heard me): ""do you think they are too tight or too narrow?"" Me: ""I have no idea. I really don't know. I just thought they looked too tight. Forget about it"" Her (growing hysteria, we are in public): ""Do they look too tight or too narrow?"" Me (becoming irritated): ""I don't know. Please drop it."" Her: ""Why won't you just tell me? Are they too tight or too narrow?"" Me: ""I don't fucking know. It was an offhand comment. I don't know if they are too tight or too narrow. I don't want to talk about this. Just drop it."" Her (starting to talk loudly, shaking and clearly upset. people are all around us): ""James. James. James. Are they too tight or too narrow? James. James."" Me (getting embarrassed, caught one person staring): ""Mariah, I don't know. Please stop."" this continues for a few more minutes. Ends with her on verge of tears, low-key yelling, ""why did you do this to me"" ""why are you doing this"" etc. What the fuck do I even make of this and how can it not happen again. How do you deal with someone who can be brought to hysterics by the accusation that her shoes are too tight. ",-0.42346497805921146,1.8282407167138817,0.9819330111648056,100.35068433038937,95.09065155807366,4.241715269677276,15.13686607787591,6.0133408523071825,-0.7927278897961454,1315,29,308,13,51,415,155,353,0.098,0.841,0.061,-0.8835,0,0,0,0,1,0,107.0,2,10,15,1,35,11,2,3,9,0,43,5,3,4,3,64,74,16,0,6,15,0,15,2,1,2,0,3,0,1,19,9,0,14,13,0,0,5,13,6,1,1,7,25,65,5,26,61,4,32,0,0,7,2,50,14,2,11,13,213,84,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633292213896896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320947125403988,0.0,0.0,0.11951326486024336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639964253798145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156332580028544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916900125115477,0.0,0.12068661302817052,0.07147396985818487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471597691365854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000832004011749,0.056537066594033125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956928054496972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215982474659375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29735643842041554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573526113410857,0.0,0.0,0.09576550697325577,0.4543602614407132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446664991225616,0.0,0.0,0.3536285459707921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479738041122795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451323415491062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332824119893787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502158793797105,0.09448781943449032,0.0,0.23757176675340316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932431355022252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623211731319959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916889136378207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659404408139485,0.0,0.0,0.09047129818182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198990555845353,0.0,0.0,0.17395576046654074,0.09458333389169502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867763162046656,0.0,0.0859093998158041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016746861504386,0.0,0.0,0.08928743767229097,0.06382710252354658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729689660878317,0.0,0.2929374488347607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989602161106804,0.0,0.0,0.11831443106455596,0.0,0.0 bpd,nknwnbrdrln,2018/01/19,"Meditation on self compassion? Anyone have any good recommendations for guided meditation that focuses on self compassion and validation? Trying to do some meditation every day and it’s been....illuminating. This is something I know I need to work on - going through a rough time and having a hard time forgiving myself for having breakdowns - so ideas would be greatly appreciated.",8.395967741935483,11.30721633870968,9.229870967741935,50.97480645161292,63.03225806451614,12.056774193548387,36.593548387096774,11.602472056035307,5.659570322580645,311,15,40,11,5,105,48,62,0.021,0.745,0.235,0.9366,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,10,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,8,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,28,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529593416179726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802423709193372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624363959741473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217186672550903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649955205417395,0.2162095567265213,0.0,0.2841980010259984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23091589255170394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909967556915933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166647511789374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113699948126808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5378313777692258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844789593223208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30062151331420744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750123987318567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766337144569856,0.0,0.0,0.18311606297812336,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,annfr023,2018/01/19,"Do you romanticize things a lot? Sometimes I feel like I miss the times when I had it the worst or when I was struggling the most. I had an issue abroad last year. Somebody stabbed me in the back and I got in trouble with immigration for something I never did. This led me to being basically kicked out of the country unless I have certain visas. AKA can't go even for vacation. Before I left, I was having a shit show of a time. Too focused on how Tinder guys never called me. Issues with a bastard of a FP that led me unable to concentrate on my freelance work because he just strung me around. I was caught up with all things bad happening at the moment. I was broke from not putting in enough hours. I was borrowing more money than I am proud to admit I was. My sense of body image was terrible. I was probably in a position where I needed to go home for a few months to straighten out my mental help and get more help than I was offered there. It's been about 7 months since I left, and I'm craving that life again. I'm working towards finishing my degree so I can get a job and move there permanently. But part of me knows that when i go back, it's not going to be the same. It's not going to be *fun* anymore. I catch myself thinking that all of the time. I'm finding myself missing the 3~4 tinder dates a week. I miss getting piss drunk and sleeping around. I miss the late night walks alone in my old neighborhood (which were more like pathetic ""'woe is me' listen to music and remember how shitty my life is"" walks) All of the sudden I'm so nostalgic of 2014, when I first went abroad for the first time and lived by myself. I listen to these songs that take me back. I remember certain relationships and look back on them with fondness when...they were gross and unhealthy if you really wanted to get technical. Now feels like during those few years the world just stopped and I was just so carefree and happy. But I have to talk myself out of it because in reality I was going through tough things alone like abortion, abandonment, mentally/verbally abusive relationship, basically being broke, etc. But my stupid brain is like 'noooo take me back! THOSE were the days!""",2.9726025340779434,5.126410042154569,3.879063231850118,86.75249624692249,76.21311475409837,6.815084369182731,24.53185612202006,7.793537801064563,1.3071478892692,1716,58,338,26,39,550,221,427,0.16899999999999998,0.731,0.1,-0.984,2,2,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,1,5,27,31,4,1,24,0,32,8,5,4,7,58,66,26,0,3,12,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,1,1,18,20,1,2,8,3,3,15,6,19,0,2,21,6,53,12,52,41,15,71,0,8,1,0,15,21,3,4,40,241,71,3,0.0,0.10221689876192286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870125035606427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555754223174977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359876703332118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316849501273704,0.07203259048088957,0.10517986888106964,0.0,0.0734101741236888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582751156524844,0.0,0.09630684589734136,0.08809222541572416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563758770806708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914089210716179,0.09621484818976422,0.05698110989178109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724230932014754,0.12326388359345705,0.0,0.0,0.07885003148160734,0.14676395169426973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802919194747725,0.0,0.29417841294904123,0.0,0.0689987125605833,0.0,0.0,0.08542174561978635,0.07628906403269563,0.09183696771280042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565111950357805,0.0,0.08653673781164006,0.0,0.08495944972678586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008879272924025,0.085610547540353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047412225536880584,0.07032229062005785,0.09731732278865783,0.0,0.18746715108040166,0.0,0.12187136334984144,0.2107379982556287,0.0,0.07617877734433004,0.0,0.07244582059449399,0.0,0.0,0.07334442648596556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694076703821445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772120431166518,0.09169230416914316,0.0,0.0639687725716828,0.1330748592035873,0.0,0.0,0.08095938709062442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052678782058678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342296795938082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301461191449308,0.0,0.0,0.08672607367521243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526734189265355,0.0,0.0,0.18524530199460135,0.19545620408643696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855582990656262,0.07136417256709282,0.0,0.08633319484577795,0.0,0.0,0.06641554673699909,0.08532411717955052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212632786424181,0.0,0.09018906673367567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297299470344643,0.06934127433469547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194363980318594,0.05527890351254106,0.0,0.0,0.2012210013502517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050884806737115915,0.0,0.06920130501237484,0.0,0.0,0.07997398030516943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561247231697392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111125065500756 bpd,buzzbuzzmuhfuka,2018/01/19,"Recently diagnosed I was diagnosed with BPD a little over a week ago after being mistakenly diagnosed bipolar. The original diagnosis didn’t sit right with me, especially because it was made after one night in the hospital, and based upon the suggestion of my family doctor (obviously not an expert in mental health, although a nice guy). After seeing a psychiatrist and getting to know him, he talked to me about BPD and then asked me to look it up on my own. I felt myself relating to what I found and felt his diagnosis was more accurate. Now I’m navigating the burden of identifying myself as “borderline”. I’m very self conscious of my every action... thinking “am I being borderline? Am I allowed to be mad about this [insert some stressor] or should I just isolate myself and deal with it how I normally would?” This is further complicated by my current relationship. We’ve been together 2 years (today is actually our anniversary) with sporadic breaks thrown in. I’m hoping for general advice on processing this diagnosis, navigating self perceptions, and being understanding towards a significant other who I’m quite unstable towards. ",8.683877721943048,9.657363145728644,9.793077889447241,54.38784128978224,60.75879396984924,13.467504187604687,40.20142378559464,12.745084868956482,6.163713232830819,922,47,128,34,12,319,132,199,0.068,0.882,0.05,-0.5504,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,10,0,15,6,0,4,1,32,31,11,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,9,4,20,2,30,16,3,29,0,0,2,0,13,13,0,3,13,101,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.13532019387560304,0.0,0.0,0.13550499400466254,0.12292102324611445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296360805529743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453086876470495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492955744355521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296086101239736,0.0,0.4222360176494846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419328140305583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683396839637053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072407046203205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662865026755454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520425618814927,0.0,0.0,0.0724484292792349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373033536826888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739784900364944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772884559782758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620843527067699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898200056193233,0.0,0.0,0.1164463926105296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312112364742961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974496540055684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013074456608742,0.13586542789352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939651845543859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749073655034706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691815264681856,0.14887778886556582,0.0,0.11842191471245307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105006295714566,0.0,0.2893224222961414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145627434450056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885300557959537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314412723879098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435852265850435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114415816090603,0.0,0.0,0.11123129348947497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850593530245096,0.0,0.0,0.08929779669169298 bpd,MaleBPD,2018/01/19,"Existentially Stuck in Life Throwaway account because I don't know how this will go. Also, my backstory is an 18 year old white male, not diagnosed but dysfunctional due to at least the symptoms of BPD. I don't know how to start living my life and I think I can explain why through a few points. 1) Classic BPD symptoms (since I'm not diagnosed I will refrain from using the official label) keep me stuck by own thoughts. Self-hatred, anxiety about doing things, a constant re-evaluation of what I want or don't want. Yada yada. 2) A generational atmosphere of hopelessness about the present job market and future expectancy. Anywhere I look online or otherwise, no one's really excited or positively anxious about what is and what's to come. There seems to be a general consensus that life sucks and will suck. It's hard to avoid, really. 3) No matter where you stand on this stuff, I'm just going to give what it all means to me, not asking for people to agree with me. With things like Feminism and BLM being as prevalent as they seem to be, I keep getting the message that as a white male, I'm not welcome. Seemingly, no matter what I do, I am an oppressor to anyone that's not white or male, consciously or otherwise (unconscious bias and such.) I'm not looking for sympathy, just wanting to get thoughts out there. I don't think I'm unique in feeling any of this, but I don't see any discussions about people dealing with this combination of things. (BPD symptoms + being 18-20ish + being unwanted by society outright) Does anyone have any thoughts on how to get past, what seems to me to be, a huge mental barrier like this?",5.1651398601398615,6.461527192307695,6.01462703962704,77.20006993006993,68.74358974358975,9.647086247086248,31.810023310023308,9.910423181423305,3.221232051282051,1292,55,237,31,22,425,166,312,0.14300000000000002,0.767,0.09,-0.9444,1,1,0,0,0,1,47.0,0,1,1,0,14,8,2,1,12,0,21,8,0,4,1,59,62,20,0,5,15,0,2,2,0,3,8,0,0,3,20,11,0,5,15,0,1,3,14,4,0,1,5,8,20,4,41,48,4,21,0,1,6,0,12,9,2,9,10,151,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809796146653918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923464755892487,0.0,0.07470895804674854,0.11032700589759943,0.0,0.13657105213539034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129809241772648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059532091958589176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689947216070961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412468291950956,0.0,0.10553481263586333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068226257036544,0.0,0.19824389833972025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854621523682239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937938444284822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306857543764926,0.0936835248830643,0.11100385475042274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748338761778236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691160567162012,0.1736078226770605,0.0,0.0,0.10734179460955573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693856972569027,0.09542262430852737,0.0,0.08623479048606751,0.0,0.1640181262642019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637940936954014,0.0,0.0,0.0984174213816842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024768164209192,0.0,0.06617634586683915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322667859224808,0.13540907213071332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923194328272738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251258635273849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778216731622741,0.35562077321695057,0.10187975884738194,0.0,0.0,0.08078463167921744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912362644453729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179632549269863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045156501635343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946411359008666,0.125152039160637,0.0,0.23259129344175114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434612233999922,0.0,0.0,0.17280563435923246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812216418703821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288927018065793 bpd,udxu,2018/01/19,"DBT group not working? I've been going to a DBT group but I don't feel like I'm getting the full picture. The instructor talks for a little bit, explains the gist of the topic at hand, and then passes out some worksheets. I do gain info from this, but I just don't understand all of it. What else should I be doing to supplement this? Should I seek out an individual DBT counselor?",2.4206493506493523,4.417953662337666,3.8714285714285737,86.89857142857143,77.31168831168831,6.477922077922077,23.98701298701299,7.447530270364453,1.0632909090909095,300,10,61,4,7,99,55,77,0.035,0.8390000000000001,0.126,0.8305,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,0,8,1,1,0,1,15,14,4,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,9,10,4,8,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,2,42,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4200642078637839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32142215367791016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19454896772346947,0.27487650771246697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102406215535373,0.0,0.21867106687017904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797695907059025,0.3856360530847984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30925988657499914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40055439324584186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801138233604341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,freudinthehizouse,2018/01/19,"Pretty psychotic but self aware... but also still believe my delusion. I’m coping alright sans meds. I have a strong support system. I’m alright. It’s just really crazy how I hear my thoughts and realize how fucking out there they are to be real, yet at the same time I still strongly believe this delusion I’ve created in my head. ",2.49658482142857,5.125599953125004,3.831964285714288,83.87375000000002,80.71875,6.1571428571428575,29.455357142857146,7.447530270364453,2.1472794642857145,263,13,46,4,7,86,50,64,0.049,0.669,0.282,0.9404,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,8,6,1,0,2,2,3,2,1,2,0,11,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,5,4,7,1,8,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459737402814802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5201403545742186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21340174418718666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23690164772637765,0.0,0.2601660005672161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25640385229754525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348405379343204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26273892719434594,0.14787777681019176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24080956271701626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36868767776571854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26194698900604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325592279619807,0.1346008026991396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,forlornjackalope,2018/01/19,"Does anyone get like this too? I've noticed that I have a problem where if someone acts remotely nice to me or I get attached, I'll find myself wanting to shower them in praise or gifts for even the smallest thing like replying to one of my social media comments or just being nice in general. I'll spend at least a few hours a week or a month thinking about things I'd love to give or make them for being a decent human being, and I don't think a day has gone by in a few weeks where I don't think about going on a compulsive spree to give back to them. I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat when it comes to getting overly attached to people. Even now, it's taken a lot for me to not be compulsive and just buy stuff for two people I look up to as a care package sort of thing. It's so frustrating.",10.475344827586207,4.907359867816093,10.300459770114943,72.86551724137931,62.39080459770115,13.209195402298851,39.3448275862069,9.2995712137729,3.4629379310344834,643,18,140,7,6,215,106,174,0.038,0.8340000000000001,0.128,0.9344,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,1,14,9,1,0,12,0,9,1,0,1,0,26,28,12,0,4,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,3,0,0,5,0,2,4,3,2,0,2,2,1,12,7,28,22,5,22,1,0,1,1,10,10,0,10,10,99,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596766399089432,0.1582358662057666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187502006302174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745573861016451,0.0,0.0,0.13303120222058495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959714331894072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514621962714102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290097766344414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400437913095112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114986306349092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24205614697110944,0.29629429819974623,0.08776839172574928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208636533877146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089728710124706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968565090326334,0.0,0.0,0.13129425011553947,0.13938269956662766,0.0,0.103085883150729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326773220163545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582411373650886,0.0,0.0,0.10464846396691983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21413015814107889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777246539420325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157425997794581,0.1308514130178331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678996304054342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30779722920616864,0.2968651824666098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085956169273368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910891646838655,0.0,0.2477552524145793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747706733611634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fartsandhearts,2018/01/19,"Just diagnosed with BPD Well, I figured. Also have Bi Polar Type 1. I tried taking some meds for the bipolar about a year ago but they sucked (Lamotrigine, Lithium, Effexor). I just hate the stigma. I’m a professional, smart, super awesome person with a really great life. Just looking for others to talk to I guess? Feeling alone. Won’t start any meds until next week sometime. I’ve got the options of going on Lamotrigine (again), Latuda or Saphris. Feeling unsure about all “anti-psychotics” since my personality is what makes me shine when I’m healthy. But yeah, guess I wanted to introduce myself since I feel like I’ll be posting on here quite often. ",2.651500000000002,5.635582150000001,3.756666666666668,81.48750000000003,85.83333333333334,5.666666666666668,24.16666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.4871666666666674,518,20,86,8,16,167,92,120,0.1,0.648,0.251,0.9692,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,11,7,2,0,6,1,4,4,0,1,1,20,20,6,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,5,10,5,13,17,2,12,0,0,2,1,4,2,1,6,9,49,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387234548637165,0.0,0.0,0.16809757780280007,0.0,0.12979412750742153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037201126877344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441569812444976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473473401542166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461967252509789,0.11594972179176635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224087419659846,0.0,0.12980901286180724,0.17894028815780932,0.3575914196970337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602411997573013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463983011766367,0.07929333899387515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629414388098476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083389109927372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36056541403917336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726117162052152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834344802991826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554419806190586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262985325564903,0.0,0.0,0.10397583995907406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26851842449959096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052240706169182,0.0,0.11487932099689445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220321056597406,0.13045348294090686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101934881568819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957308663753568,0.0,0.13019015513539994,0.0,0.1459304251600042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045181948337315 bpd,SahdalaRose,2018/01/20,"Periods of lack of empathy from Partner/Mom/Self I feel like an absolute monster, I am disgusted with myself. Does anyone else have periods of lack of empathy I've hurt my partner so much indirectly due to my mess that it's become normal he would cry and I would feel the need to cry with him if he has cried about anything now I just feel extremely uncomfortable with the fact that I have the ability to love but lately as the years pass I don't have that feeling anymore where you feel the hurt other people feel I feel something if I see someone being mistreated on the street but not with my family except for my sister who is really damaged and I worry about her. am I turning into a psychopath? I try hiding the thoughts behind me hoping telling myself it's not true but it's becoming more aparant. When my mother cries I just feel numb and I try to respond to how I should be responding and I literally am screaming at myself to feel devasted with her but no matter how hard I beat myself up it doesn't work. I worry about the safety if someone had an attack of some sort but I don't have the feeling to comfort if that makes sense and sometimes I do but by default lately I don't. Am I just a psychopath and cold or just empty? I wish I had the ability to just end it I'm an absolute monster, I do things that I don't even want to do or should not be doing even though I literally don't want to and in turn hurts my partner or mother. My mother has very narcissistic traits growing up and she did not allow me to express my feelings properly growing up and defending myself against things I did not do was seen as abusive to her when I was a child. Growing up made me feel extremely insecure and also overly sensitive towards others and myself in compensation for the lack of expression and true emotion I was allowed to express at home growing up so I turned to art and finally longed to be noticed by others for something. Did I burn my sensitivity out? Is it possible to develop psychopathy or psychopathic traits. I am very impulsive with checking for mistrust and spending my whole paychecks on things that are for vanity and it makes me feel better and I have to keep doing it. This sounds a bit like narcissism but I actually don't give a shit about myself and I can freely admit I am now a cold person. How can I feel again and actually have that spark, I hate that I'm hurting my partner and how impulse I am with spending and doing things that I wouldn't want others to do to me. How do you know your a good person, a psychopath or just an evil person? I need some insight I know this post is all over the place and I'm an absolute mess. Does anyone else have this issue? 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Sometimes I would get really depressed and feel suicidal. I'd tell my boyfriend (ex now) and he'd try to be comforting, or ask whats wrong, or a million other things. In retrospect he went through the entire gamut of possible responses. But every time this happened I'd just find a way to say that what he was saying wasn't good enough. I'd blow up on him, tell him I was taking pills, scream/cry/blame. It was basically like I just wanted him to say ""ok kill yourself"" and anything else meant he was shitty. In our last big fight before I ruined it all and broke up with him, he said that it had reached a point where any time I said I felt like I wanted to die he just started mentally preparing for me to go off on him and not talk to him for the next few days. I haven't been in a relationship since and I don't know how to stop this. ",5.3027082341742044,5.02951459685864,5.947263207996192,83.35017610661592,67.95287958115183,9.458543550690148,29.40552118039029,9.095868883498916,2.1007130890052355,732,23,158,12,11,239,121,191,0.194,0.7390000000000001,0.067,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,1,0,0,0,6,12,2,0,6,1,12,1,0,1,1,29,29,11,3,6,8,1,2,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,13,7,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,12,9,20,5,23,14,3,22,0,3,1,0,25,11,0,4,10,94,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236207119619247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949683104461324,0.13916335980904534,0.11176806197914622,0.0,0.12697310957626462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155725833047411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759248724068154,0.0,0.11698133106035508,0.0,0.1409594325092482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269199062786065,0.0,0.0,0.14033808394944886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443397708526165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867453443586853,0.0,0.13040823642105465,0.0,0.12413676906194493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096020112812254,0.0,0.07718948030220069,0.1139191423187281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201049352274224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026440354897394,0.0,0.07464296946485653,0.11071120437847093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327093152937433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687433875544694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444458195349893,0.0,0.0,0.13032269025898652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839354196758745,0.1531163338745345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996113501082962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700959439434372,0.0,0.0,0.14581955670415994,0.0,0.0,0.25839132382658864,0.32402789276765503,0.0,0.0,0.10823073705232347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235148094169664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432918200169472,0.0,0.09613390118484996,0.0,0.0,0.11355137261369415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856473590588118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211953104414513,0.10916675106914736,0.2374248541940232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804651818551456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839514902956076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221267857227317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403299802420685,0.10780737668018656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590624680248985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648243655406916,0.14849754913860966,0.0,0.0 bpd,tinysprout,2018/01/20,"How do you talk yourself down? Basically, I have 2 hours left into my 12 hour shift, I work alone, and my husband called me and did absolutely NOTHING but I can feel the onset of an episode, and he could as well over the phone. I NEED to talk myself down, I have 3 little girls at my house that I'm trying so hard to be strong for. Any advice is appreciated ",2.367342342342344,3.8099398783783833,4.04972972972973,87.99504504504505,75.89189189189189,6.5549549549549555,21.792792792792795,7.1686216300943375,0.4587549549549546,277,7,62,3,6,93,60,74,0.05,0.799,0.151,0.8674,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,9,11,7,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,11,2,10,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22732677618784605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409381605357032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581987659627134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23754482642813626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573893031053973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762649386392425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20839393347903049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45819429906641795,0.2684278396547588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25275699219889625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315989471793466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249480196068445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321812957311107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739640109761804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794288464214665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916546605741065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935996787985874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kerfuffletussle,2018/01/20,"How to deal with irritability Help. Im hanging out with some friends. Like the only irl friends i have right now. And i was so excited at first but now im just extremely on edge. Idk what changed. How do you all mellow yourself out?",0.16586626139817895,2.5613645531914955,1.841337386018239,93.82000000000002,94.95744680851065,5.238905775075988,23.7355623100304,6.868970318607317,0.9074158054711252,182,8,40,3,7,59,38,47,0.075,0.728,0.197,0.6203,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,11,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,4,7,2,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,26,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059430385090782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981600882854134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459996319961336,0.0,0.0,0.4468817766202021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384959664405027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6247871523417571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129210727844038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995522885634544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469815045569066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pxnjv,2018/01/20,"Impulsive urges How do you handle urges to impulsively do something? I started to feel numb again and right now all I want to do is anything that'll make me feel something, like for example to hurt myself and to drink till I black out (I don't even have any alcohol of my own atm so I would have to steal from my parents because I still live with them).",5.821249999999999,5.339880847222227,6.016111111111113,83.99000000000002,66.91666666666667,9.422222222222222,31.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.2859888888888893,279,10,60,4,4,89,53,72,0.124,0.8240000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.7351,1,0,4,0,0,2,5.0,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,1,11,14,5,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,12,1,12,12,2,7,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,6,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28555902615510603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817073814453909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988551803171386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288462886801053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617574721289581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764852349778989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702119963900813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860466191797236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054201721079936,0.0,0.2359453763795911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783602527383238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966976018853081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819012639594566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41141225203672604,0.0,0.0,0.1891278446465713,0.0,0.21338887077515964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760340735483291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189813531405884,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,coldglassofkraken,2018/01/20,"Initiating breakup / divorce due to illness? (Possible trigger warning) TL:DR - I have several diagnoses, and my mental health has deteriorated since my hospitalization. I feel my behaviors are adding stress and harm to my husband and our marriage. I’m contemplating on if a separation / divorce would be best for him even though he’s against it. I don’t want to worry and hurt him anymore and feel he’d be better off in the long run. I apologize for the wall of text ahead of time. A lot has happened. I wasn’t sure which subreddit to post this under, so I thought I’d try here. I’m a 32 year old female. I’ve been with my partner for almost three years. We’ve been married for less than a year. I’m diagnosed with BPD, self harm tendencies, GAD, alcoholism, and major depressive disorder. There is some agoraphobia mixed in, but that’s not an official diagnosis; I’m just terrified to leave my apartment at times (I can but not without having a panic attack). At this time, I’ve struggled to keep a job outside of the home; I’ve gotten and lost four jobs in the past year due to anxiety and panic attacks at work. My husband knew about my mental conditions, and has been supportive (but is clueless on how to help). I was hospitalized for two weeks in July of 2017 for self harm and suicidal thoughts, and it has been downhill ever since my discharge. I was denied starting an outpatient DBT program due to (as the hospital psychiatrist put it) our inability to pay out of pocket for treatment (I have no insurance and neither does my husband through his job). I do see a different psychiatrist and take meds (which my husband has to police because I have a history of stopping them). We can’t afford private therapy at this time; my husband brings home enough to cover living expenses and to assist me with some of my bills (like my car payment). My credit is crap at the moment and I genuinely feel bad about not being able to help him financially. We have read books about my conditions to try to get some insight on what we’re dealing with. Lately I spiral between not wanting him to leave (and SH myself in some way as a result) to lashing out / screaming at him over little things and telling him to leave (only to try to apologize and smooth things over so he won’t leave me). I’ve gone through episodes of binge drinking when I’m alone to the point where he finds me in the floor and has to take care of me (now we don’t keep alcohol in the house, and he takes my keys with him). Yesterday was the boiling point; I was upset about a call from a creditor and made a suicide threat as a way of taking care of it all within earshot of him. I have had ideations often for the past eight months, but I never plan to act on it (too cowardly, and I don’t want to hurt him or my family). He gets upset at my statement and tries to reason with me, and I screamed at him repeatedly until he stopped talking. He went into the other room for a while and came back later to talk. He called me out as using that as a manipulative tactic and that it hurt him to hear me say that. I broke down crying because I felt it was true; I didn’t really want to die, but I want some relief from the stress and said something that’d get his attention. He contemplated taking me back to the hospital, but ended up scheduling an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist this coming week and having a ‘babysitter’ (family friend or his mother) stay with me while he’s at work. He still tells me he loves me, but I notice he’s more on high alert now. I should have just gone back to the hospital, but I was being difficult and was refusing to go with him, and he got exasperated with fighting me over it and set up plan B. I feel like a POS about everything (and I know I deserve any negative comments I will receive from this post). I know what I’m capable of acting like, but I don’t know how to control it; it’s like I go into a rage for a while, then realize “oh that may have hurt him” only after the damage is done. I’ve read in another subreddit stories about other people with partners and spouses with BPD...and they never seem to end well. I’ve mentioned to him the possibility of a separation or divorce so he can get away from me (even though I don’t want him to leave). He refuses saying he loves me and staying with me no matter what. I just worry about how I’m affecting him and his mental health with my behaviors. I love him, but I believe he deserves better than this. I don’t think he’s realized he’s signed up for this for a lifetime. I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want him to suffer.",6.739067765567768,5.970572396703299,7.403090659340659,75.75295100732603,65.14285714285714,10.704212454212453,34.23305860805861,10.07699891801831,3.223591575091576,3611,139,713,71,48,1203,384,910,0.191,0.72,0.08900000000000001,-0.9987,5,1,4,0,5,2,106.0,5,0,2,11,34,49,6,7,41,0,58,13,1,11,6,145,121,69,3,11,23,7,6,4,3,5,7,6,3,4,32,59,4,7,20,4,4,14,23,30,1,4,28,13,108,19,142,82,13,114,0,10,1,3,91,47,1,14,50,485,140,11,0.053431702831618084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420448141708416,0.05350413219238245,0.055339129975107135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03633539017666262,0.056027799214944336,0.040875106417185884,0.0,0.05298989168211878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157255124407244,0.050200843674406574,0.12325704400598846,0.04461324002068282,0.06514294022203765,0.0,0.0,0.06019923188414435,0.056073275647683496,0.09451199814658427,0.0,0.0,0.13459071850198615,0.0,0.10911948522718913,0.061111633671320637,0.10895436414631196,0.0,0.0,0.04602668082313895,0.0,0.0,0.05992819811557016,0.0,0.0,0.058692216601057126,0.0,0.055085739441200085,0.04602064735463153,0.10846410729116723,0.05545367176126748,0.055824757100802584,0.061237360550676315,0.0,0.046758443217840326,0.05467918308773306,0.0,0.05234272711326795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946492586783791,0.055209232219541965,0.0,0.07058227158778531,0.048332034233916,0.0,0.0,0.048020969208970914,0.0,0.10074130825974972,0.0,0.1080666975788132,0.038171619179066994,0.05130281392828729,0.0,0.048835608391185295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04128120106463851,0.0,0.11166343766925306,0.0,0.06073293610656703,0.0,0.0427342138333908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04724947835309142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359080306188525,0.0602214123891112,0.0,0.07162828823215303,0.05645352764565568,0.10719270898974112,0.0,0.0,0.06165301118994266,0.2287989719280415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590681612401458,0.09498510503038164,0.0,0.0,0.08809399954952772,0.0,0.0602732881152248,0.2828822918492012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441612425587717,0.05355260324927267,0.04718117251449402,0.047285375608349785,0.0,0.05977640816831002,0.05832701544754541,0.04542572301166668,0.14467259375548092,0.05055836914380347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935057653076355,0.0,0.16153976755093216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264867543201771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241964636747705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083234781673906,0.05606758394192055,0.0,0.0,0.08127443545637654,0.0,0.12538118153879724,0.0,0.0,0.1020132125519524,0.03704281506463999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102045965700077,0.12047243336354947,0.1023456028516656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371361928112475,0.0,0.0,0.1068923244184745,0.0,0.034229717030879736,0.054936689548443454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082578512970008,0.08498206936644137,0.0,0.0,0.04257814933091353,0.048642215503490814,0.11148183814953397,0.060362615470182415,0.0,0.08839851346059274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113433527659557,0.0,0.0,0.03781923427568448,0.11390217180845245,0.04267062690187448,0.0893425921610183,0.12241167013347776,0.0558584170660686,0.0,0.1168912211629911,0.06063366317899465,0.05035874758057097,0.0,0.2008699543595655,0.08589275755824738,0.09340332674493664,0.0,0.061103808807031076,0.0,0.07099529829815476,0.03423687769690085,0.1049927534889835,0.08483760733836351,0.12462582242995375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510647549431946,0.0,0.0521950097364125,0.0,0.0,0.0461478357704722,0.0,0.0,0.2521232215821846,0.08482319733337684,0.08571937812178576,0.0,0.04804151773516868,0.049531723834233835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150625481491783,0.0,0.07779783205985467,0.10852497572416936,0.0,0.037956348661134384,0.0,0.0,0.1376330591854868 bpd,RS1209,2018/01/20,"Scared of my boyfriend leaving me Me and my boyfriend had a really good relationship before my diagnosis. Then things were getting really bad and he called it off. We're back together now and I'm really struggling to be happy and to trust him again. Ontop of that I'm beginning to wonder if I even love him anymore. Just need to get that off my chest",2.679875776397516,5.143068043478261,4.158633540372673,82.8039130434783,78.71014492753623,8.000828157349899,24.349896480331264,8.841846274778883,2.0567374741200832,281,10,54,7,7,93,49,69,0.121,0.7020000000000001,0.177,0.6815,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,8,11,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,4,8,8,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,2,5,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23089754579582164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790262762676675,0.1943972199937833,0.0,0.0,0.19811495982073188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23773799622582995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377719003540846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432804908115668,0.0,0.0,0.19528062502312526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24784408136430475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24652561031416034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013156649100226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263507353173482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474565283013737,0.0,0.0,0.24996443612709726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23309612756257655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433968253788092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546770489589228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252486274265585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ZenDoesntAfraid,2018/01/20,"18+ Peer Support Mental Health Discord Chat Hi guys, we run a mental health chatroom on Discord for people 18+. All diagnoses are welcome. To join visit our site [The Haven Support](https://thehavensupport.com). Care when you need it; care for others when you can. https://discord.gg/qQVZAKJ Not sold? Check us out on Instagram: @thehavemh",6.192777777777772,10.0862392962963,4.961018518518519,71.51708333333335,81.96296296296295,6.403703703703704,25.26851851851852,7.6454224807358475,2.085451851851852,278,10,39,5,8,82,44,54,0.085,0.691,0.224,0.836,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,3,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,6,6,1,8,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310493999515687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145549135661804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093078843372704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493922559548968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260598487983385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674192037969295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465501940306673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4797624094262748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25427438029954585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,goldi_locks_,2018/01/20,"Anyone need a friend? Hello, I'm new to Reddit but I really like this sub. I feel like you guys understand me here <3 I don't have many friends irl because you know, pathetic loser and such. I was wondering if anyone would like to talk or become internet buddies or anything of the sort? I'm 19 and a girl if it matters. ",0.29166666666666785,2.703995742424244,2.645757575757578,89.15530303030305,91.57575757575756,5.963636363636365,20.96969696969697,7.3871296695380915,1.0588606060606065,253,9,51,5,9,86,51,66,0.16899999999999998,0.639,0.191,-0.2553,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,15,11,7,0,4,5,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,5,3,9,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,6,4,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33778761787822703,0.0,0.1987708701641926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724352793346018,0.2667673627151932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213235808352227,0.17255972345432913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732339781637051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391674247381707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132746759042284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540199088996459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448886146865453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910248132516876,0.0,0.2332855677312821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473984682336234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414463952198505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514567574440417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26194513835683914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158656533735067,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Omnisens,2018/01/20,"DAE feel awful without admiration? I know this might sound like NPD, as opposed to BPD, but does anyone else feel bad/sick/awful when they aren't admired or appreciated? I'll give you some reference, I am an artist, a musician mainly and I promote myself a lot and do get credit, but when someone else comes in and shares their creations and gets credit, it makes me feel awful as I believe I deserve that admiration, but I'm not the vengeful type, I will give them props as well but I will always try to best them later somehow. I see everyone as a possible competition.",7.133303030303033,6.799639845454546,7.758181818181818,72.09393939393942,64.18181818181819,10.242424242424242,34.69696969696969,9.725611199111238,3.282333333333332,453,18,82,8,6,151,78,110,0.15,0.636,0.214,0.8463,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,4,2,4,9,0,0,5,2,6,0,0,1,0,23,18,15,0,0,7,0,3,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,5,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,5,15,9,8,15,4,5,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,5,4,55,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064603026036475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499594382777866,0.1978185040400697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612016964898753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21751879716901446,0.20261041695156948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431593417587803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663089035687225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689529917227922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225630400023517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448243710126835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928592774648308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201737596057023,0.3704121968736067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610379468351104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432209117260723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641374535981922,0.0,0.0,0.12887277506358086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048120724417712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176524348989706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538482724491764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635838409798759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107885691840862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358914432727401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861083313418913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,svedstina,2018/01/20,"The never-ending abandonment A few days before yesterday, life was being really kind to me — I finally felt brave enough to message friends when in need of attention despite worrying they were going to think of me as horribly clingy, I could focus during class, and I didn’t feel suicidal more than once or twice. For the first time in what seemed like forever, my feelings of emptiness and anxiety had given way to what I suppose would be most closely described as content. Then yesterday, I asked what (at least according to snapchat lol) could be considered one of my closest friends if she felt like hanging out after class. She declined, explaining she planned to spend the weekend finishing some assignments due next week. I really tried not to overreact but I couldn’t help but feel as if someone had stabbed me in the chest :/ Anyway, fast forward a few hours. I’m looking at the snapchat story of a mutual friend. She’s posted a video from a party she’s currently at. And whom do I see in the background but someone who’s the exact same height, with the exact same hair colour, as my oh-so-busy friend? I couldn’t tell for sure due to the bad quality, and I’ve never heard of her going to a party before (her parents are overly protective and won’t let her anywhere near alcohol as long as she lives at home), but the prospect of it MIGHT being her pushed me back into this deep pit of despair. I’m devastated she might have lied to me. I’m ashamed to tears thinking about how it’s my own fault for pushing her away by being too clingy, for making a wrong assumption when I thought she wouldn’t hate me if kept messaging her all the time. I hate always making others abandon me. I hate feeling like the world has ended whenever it happens. And I hate her. How could she do this to me? Why couldn’t she just grow some backbone and tell the truth? Anyway, I’m sorry for this gloomy vent but I’ve spent the whole day in bed too hurt to do anything (besides deleting snapchat hah) and now I feel more empty than ever :(",5.405043171114597,6.326163923469387,5.58183673469388,81.89722919937206,67.92857142857143,8.785871271585558,31.14835164835165,8.950670267944501,2.5271880690737842,1606,63,304,27,26,508,215,392,0.195,0.6970000000000001,0.108,-0.9929,2,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,1,2,15,23,4,1,21,2,28,4,2,4,7,66,61,28,1,12,11,1,8,3,4,5,2,1,2,0,12,12,1,4,13,2,2,7,8,12,0,3,12,12,44,11,53,32,14,55,0,4,3,0,33,20,0,10,31,207,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026310928069788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990794422680958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346571322147416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790277628827805,0.0,0.08977878490864925,0.0,0.09022706258470746,0.07384418407828565,0.08018434163298566,0.0,0.0,0.163435646058918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23002589771520826,0.0,0.0,0.12386791341628728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701151606486667,0.09922874768867407,0.0,0.0,0.08686821093990929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427882673896489,0.0686066771101932,0.184415315133004,0.1052005043200981,0.0,0.08168643362328094,0.0,0.0,0.2967823836737589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915662020704152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492250983089787,0.0,0.0,0.3792545969620362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436953616830157,0.0,0.09632988765458267,0.0,0.09457410175537724,0.0,0.10280633575284308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000458671401047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820122615933173,0.06783162294235412,0.14075201961532055,0.0,0.08479974226918117,0.08498702874452059,0.08064433598250284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820682223450558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037537016648241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120796127818547,0.1481346138172391,0.0,0.10213320132320003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227302856595767,0.06507509373181362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663434290520192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197398328262264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304362216830896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765266291008558,0.08742570644743597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273851797323002,0.0,0.0,0.10750215094279303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504556054755143,0.0,0.09051086669199038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787582022514486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306936220827425,0.0,0.07624023369509485,0.11199634365697736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520075205701734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622728398821133,0.0770326465495203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665570785460001,0.10721848192130046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752714356930813,0.0,0.0682197667502773,0.10499805484852816,0.0,0.0 bpd,kittyclarisprime,2018/01/20,"Skipping Therapy So I’ve kind of decided to skip therapy. I actually kind of made that decision after my last session last week because my therapist made a joke about my current relationship that my partner doesn’t want to be around the drama and that’s why he broke up with me but still continues to talk to me daily. I don’t want to be around someone who makes jokes (especially someone who’s supposed to help me) about me being dramatic or wanting to start drama when I don’t. I came here to get help not get laughed at.",7.991153846153848,6.522282730769232,8.520076923076925,71.02492307692309,63.03846153846153,12.166153846153849,40.03076923076923,11.20814326018867,4.442183076923079,420,20,80,10,5,141,67,104,0.049,0.818,0.133,0.7704,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,16,16,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,12,5,18,10,0,14,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,9,51,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.16110544831416795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939327981476975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063822049533107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882064712712132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250694585049295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131464868611855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34383469717326826,0.0,0.26914314552570723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124270586765531,0.11019983019531956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772464421774177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27976291330401937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685258371906705,0.0,0.1318422516450095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326942604161831,0.0,0.0,0.3775929402551732,0.1916839072030012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29212565796574325,0.0,0.13242640947337173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896936254398485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jesussaurusrex,2018/01/20,"I castrophize everything and it's getting really out of hand So, I just caught myself doing this and realized I do it literally all of the time. What prompted this? So my parents are watching TV in their room. Why aren't they watching it in the living room where I am??? They OBVIOUSLY hate me, hate living with me and are probably going to kick me out!! My older brother won't answer the phone? OH MY GOD, he's dead! He got in a car crash!!! My little brother is sick with a flu? OH. MY. GOD. He's going to DIE! And so on and so forth. What the fuck is wrong with me? :/",-0.676106679960121,1.5126851779661052,2.117058823529412,92.24733300099705,95.52542372881358,5.149351944167498,17.95812562313061,6.794906146795322,0.2297172482552345,433,13,95,7,17,150,69,118,0.256,0.679,0.065,-0.9812,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,0,6,4,3,0,6,0,9,4,1,0,2,15,17,9,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,7,10,0,0,2,1,0,4,2,4,0,0,2,3,17,0,13,14,1,16,0,0,2,1,10,10,1,0,2,64,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437972763360099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111200417992828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716853561239294,0.12272966381413815,0.0,0.26700710586691584,0.0,0.18787727860102255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638457664294031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23543939288786264,0.4148558963919593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260837384220344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532704090859848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048799325330858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697666495539312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196781026400024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568348735384598,0.0,0.0 bpd,LillyJane16,2018/01/20,"Stupid pointless thought. I read all this stuff online and it seems like a lot of people have horrible views about people with BPD in general. It makes me wonder if people in my life see me like that. Like do people who don't even know I'm diagnosed with BPD see me the same as people who don't know? I feel like the diagnosis just automatically changes peoples opinions about you. :/",5.446486486486485,6.514033918918918,5.809027027027027,79.77516216216219,67.91891891891892,8.622702702702702,28.313513513513517,8.841846274778883,2.052532972972973,306,10,59,5,5,98,51,74,0.114,0.763,0.123,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,17,14,3,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,7,4,8,13,3,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,5,4,36,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925322014486965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485056091907468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581671280421213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292617038519747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879380386708479,0.111327065313195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17128338894129766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006939609499776,0.3045283625578926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248357133857713,0.0,0.0,0.10401968054489402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6482095306578887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587508518030865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483573143303815,0.14186443275912372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783914044965031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371392747144185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168994148475463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wrappedinplasticboii,2018/01/20,"If I do have BPD, could this be related? Hey guys, I don't have a BPD diagnosis but I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a few years ago but I know I withheld a lotttt of info from my psychiatrist. Id honestly never considered the possibility of having bpd until recently when I discovered that my mother and multiple other family members suffer with it (although honestly the only reason I'd never noticed it in them is because I was fairly ignorant as far as symptoms of bpd go) but after looking into it a lot it seemed eerily accurate. I'm not going to go into detail about all my symptoms here as I am not looking for a diagnosis, nor am I going to sit here and pretend that the internet qualifies as an official means of such. I do plan on going to the dr at some point about this whole thing. Now I know that 'splitting' and such are often pretty big indicators of bpd, but i don't think this is an area I can relate to. However, there are some things that I wonder if they could possibly be atypical manifestations of or related to splitting. Only after thinking back to my childhood pretty deeply (I struggle to remember a great deal of my childhood for unknown reasons) did I realise that the friendships I made with people were very up-and-down. I'd be 'best friends' with someone and genuinely feel that way about them then go home and think about how much they irritated me and pull away from them, only to realise that as soon as they were gone I desperately wanted to be close to them again. I've actually realised I still do this now where I go through phases of wanting to be super close with someone then finding them to be overwhelming annoying and noticing every tiny little thing they do that irritates me and say nasty things behind their back and avoid them, until they eventually distance themselves and I realise that I want them back. I don't want to treat people like this but I can't seem to help it :/ There are a couple of people though who I unwaveringly want to be close with. The other thing that I am unsure of being considered splitting is the way I am with people I'm interested in/are interested in me. I've never been in a real relationship so I find answering questions regarding that area of symptoms to be quite challenging. Despite the fact that I crave being in a relationship and fantasise about falling in love and finding my soul mate etc, and wanting people to be attracted to me and such, I end up doing the same thing every time. I think I like someone and for a few days/weeks I think about them non-stop, imaging unrealistically perfect scenarios in my head of the 2 of us, and then when they show interest in return I thrive on the attention for a few days/weeks, before suddenly becoming very uncomfortable spending time with them to the point where alone time with them makes me squeamish and anxious but I have literally no idea why. And then I ghost them and then I hate myself for fucking up what I always believe to have been my last chance of having anything good happen ever. (And then of course every now and again I'll start to fall for someone again as soon as they've moved on because of course that's how life happens right) Sorry this is really wrong and rambley but what do you guys think? Does this sound like it could be related to BPD? Or do any of you have any experience with this kind of thing at all if it's something else? Tysm if u actually read all of this gee whiz",7.8476762056173825,7.011541322822826,8.29655891185303,70.46915739268681,62.94894894894895,11.378837661190605,35.954601660484016,10.65453281929,3.782104893128423,2755,109,500,59,34,917,289,666,0.112,0.762,0.126,0.9406,1,2,1,0,0,0,45.0,1,2,18,6,35,29,3,3,25,0,52,9,1,6,9,108,91,60,1,13,15,1,1,3,2,0,6,2,1,2,41,38,0,3,24,3,1,12,11,10,0,0,9,5,73,19,96,67,14,86,1,3,2,2,35,30,1,14,44,380,114,3,0.0,0.0,0.11073886024468822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029601874092378,0.0,0.0,0.0587648647479261,0.0,0.0,0.0472116924004732,0.0,0.0,0.07716942027296726,0.0,0.04340545471610235,0.06409932601997821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046691658362893816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053308495997050995,0.13088719543475374,0.0,0.06917557383269769,0.06266416478420095,0.04828101588438475,0.06392582827362989,0.05954445725640304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287674222193135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590528491445736,0.06278102208841578,0.0,0.0,0.058495788229011726,0.04886952719754408,0.05758925553977006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496529958594574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739845422781623,0.0,0.050254231384089,0.0,0.063279384216372,0.0,0.051323999058637326,0.1434160725852752,0.0,0.0,0.055501981021835824,0.05348881846422507,0.0,0.028689124990899782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555762399922949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043836688402702495,0.052454623573171086,0.0,0.0,0.2257239989458253,0.047590282769082726,0.0,0.06255534415781111,0.0,0.11236177291152673,0.10034885644492296,0.0,0.0,0.05601837072173662,0.05823095215403239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038031196659410335,0.0,0.05691420382448599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405183053848733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908531163281084,0.062364936239035225,0.04625015089506132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04007668759803815,0.08315995510987506,0.05686774418496383,0.0,0.0,0.09529354361662948,0.0,0.0,0.04823777442937977,0.05120948720249575,0.0536881538605284,0.03787396305552093,0.0,0.0,0.061805796210220976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603049597267974,0.04170995774789514,0.0,0.13128267575408276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291962737165366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945851902278946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667963863320514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727406902109472,0.12793020518477746,0.0,0.11544865356171187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356106805399132,0.060349293015533025,0.05675471397787305,0.06458181293921089,0.03634868659092135,0.1166750229888064,0.056023272420283335,0.12183367598392475,0.0642746336379662,0.04845510299558862,0.0,0.04512141602663617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033067638174981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230030071736645,0.04368073097846537,0.0,0.06351506764201764,0.04016041069096021,0.0,0.045312125791023804,0.0474366451634949,0.0,0.059316297986566124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692175890402487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263865764864255,0.21813774320138515,0.055746132628646534,0.0,0.09925553043329774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825046334709263,0.0,0.0,0.09363182763015217,0.2007980658001815,0.09007412514480692,0.09102578345320876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119844670718029,0.06334746860395159,0.0,0.0,0.06153141504021935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06203558252088755,0.0,0.03653828724591718 bpd,bronte0911,2018/01/20,"BPD and relationships I (F19) have had many high school partners in the past, and due to my jealousy/insecurities I have completely pushed all of my previous boyfriends away (e.g. I will create scenarios in my head, believe it completely then hate my partner for whatever reason it is that my silly mind has made up). I am currently dating this wonderful turkish man (27) whom I met through my boss ('tis his nephew), and we have so far had absolutely no issues. I trust him completely, I can see a future and I really do feel like he is the one. But i'm scared that I will fall back into my same patterns and either push him away, or eventually get sick of him (as I did with majority of my exes). Does anybody have ANY advice on what I can do to maintain the contentment and love we have for each other? I know he probably won't change the way he feels towards me, but i'm terrified I will. ",9.856171428571429,6.467910502857148,10.005714285714287,67.85428571428572,61.11428571428571,13.885714285714286,40.42857142857143,12.031772070788634,4.6071714285714265,698,27,138,17,7,235,119,175,0.08,0.84,0.08,-0.465,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,5,0,20,3,1,3,1,25,32,12,0,0,4,1,2,1,2,4,1,0,0,3,8,11,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,5,3,28,4,18,23,5,21,0,0,1,1,17,10,0,2,8,97,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425207837811408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073454207894849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966160903744717,0.12137917688293608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784622227499064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881026791937734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698749331659302,0.0,0.4965174526295494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813818258938335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963039158966325,0.11277018089170485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247165260320419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558471103137901,0.16200266996528565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667803111707314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475747104988314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675185454819043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711897918914669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246845272961847,0.14936428049305672,0.0,0.1600381179553165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938648332693536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069652459613286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068850470896888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701921812842491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011246435037532,0.16229912566472446,0.0,0.1694749962946856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803834324210422,0.15975561541761713,0.12578836594687262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529632633901133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711847935594401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdthrowaway1423,2018/01/20,"I can act better, but I've never felt so empty before. I've been better at acting like everything's okay. I can pretend to be this bubbly, likable, sociable person in front of other people, but alone, I feel like a shell and I've never felt so empty in my life. If everybody likes me better this way, is it just better to embrace the emptiness? What does it all matter anyways. 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My emotions are erratic as in I feel a mental breakdown is ensuing. I have a uni exam in two days. I have not studied because I've been stuck in a low depression and low motivation and I have difficulty maintaining concentration and focus which I'm sure a lot of you can relate to. I cannot defer this exam as it is already deferred and to add salt to the wound this is the second time I am attempting this unit as the first time was the same situation: I deferred the initial exam and then didn't sit the deferred one because of major depression. The uni doesn't care. Extra time (ie deferment) does shit all for me; I still have to suffer the same struggles as any other exam. There is actually no targeted assistance for people with depression and who have trouble engaging in mass-content study. I complete all my coursework no worries and ask for little, if any, extensions and I get decent grades but my brain cannot handle the type of learning/memorisation for an exam. Anyway, I was perusing come posts on here yesterday and a person stated that their psychiatrist suggested they should engage in study so that they don't feel their life is all about therapy. My psychiatrist is the exact opposite! She says that it's torture for someone to manage BPD whilst studying and wants me to drop out completely (not happening). She doesn't care that doing uni is a dream of mine and important to me and that I want an education and I feel like she is metaphorically sitting me down and giving me the 'it's nice you want to try but you just can't do it' spiel. After reading this person's post it just made me wonder what if the difference between pursuing your goals or not relied upon whether your psychiatrist supported you? I totally get that my psych is trying to say 'hey, your suffering is huge, you don't need the extra burden of something like uni, why not take care of yourself first'. I get that. But I also feel like she thinks I'm a big joke for thinking I can do uni (I am capable of it) but just can't say it with those words. I hate asking for medical certificates for deferred exams because I feel like I'm proving her right in that I can't do it but each time an exam rolls around she gives the 'let me know if you need me to write you a certificate' which I can only take as support in that I am worthy of medical exemption. Logic has it that I shouldn't sit my exam (yet again) but with that comes not completing the unit again and I will have to repeat it a third time. I am constantly in talks with the special needs entity about my provisions not helping me but they don't care; any other assistance provided to me would (in their eyes) deviate too far from what is 'fair' to other students. Someone please help I am feeling so useless and a failure. What's more, my psychiatrist downplays the value (or the value as I see it) of deferring, saying it's 'just paperwork' for the uni and that it's no big deal (as I always catastrophise and say that the uni thinks I'm a joke). ",4.852282465392221,5.9475820067567575,5.967233025708637,77.99797132498355,69.30405405405405,9.356690837178643,29.97956493078444,9.624276277673207,2.795995418589321,2396,92,451,53,41,799,262,592,0.124,0.757,0.119,-0.3695,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,10,6,5,18,31,3,1,34,0,51,8,3,2,7,86,94,42,0,12,23,0,6,4,0,4,5,5,0,2,40,28,0,0,14,4,0,2,21,14,0,6,6,14,71,17,61,83,12,49,0,8,2,0,42,22,1,7,22,330,111,18,0.0,0.0,0.07422996295609824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839413100886963,0.060830378529755126,0.0632934485733057,0.0,0.0,0.15518355152514862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677153409347706,0.14222387925437294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391083564989362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958031348037948,0.08491540694302763,0.0,0.0,0.3102195976646588,0.0,0.0,0.13104916465410946,0.23926293618796154,0.08220089846335951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905662061236014,0.07842125490063613,0.19654797885079744,0.07720592926350725,0.0,0.07947333648922261,0.0,0.0,0.06656633516297393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556461074716214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23076914614564276,0.16302583797428688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294043073113435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922487104701122,0.14593989839491958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726538344474924,0.0,0.0,0.07509995270580627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197158659449106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180417693079037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778318311017055,0.05372804143427491,0.1486490619726942,0.07623864892449474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466904573634959,0.0,0.07197599222969221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325805770572865,0.07665717368481223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692071099606134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154465101525792,0.05785202562845863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273495594122081,0.1328367242500848,0.0,0.08349821029499745,0.0,0.0,0.14570142273858314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608711714844557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496040310418484,0.0,0.3024557985140142,0.0,0.0,0.0606151780070246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808120246933442,0.0,0.08550196955283935,0.0,0.0,0.1289018522238345,0.05855973296568773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060746831085271125,0.0,0.0,0.07952125554672912,0.0,0.0,0.17263879922297595,0.07169180663732798,0.0,0.11438513163302615,0.061139397445901925,0.0,0.0,0.08698870913715964,0.0,0.0,0.1462210877138081,0.0,0.0,0.2217750339544116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328836481009417,0.0,0.07430594931832715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459803499032855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863821415691441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249090967668461,0.0,0.0772492560750222,0.0,0.05403548220732374,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Imstillblue,2018/01/20,"DAE have a hard time ""minding their own business"" Several conflicts in my life have started simply because I don't mind my own and leave people be.",5.419285714285714,6.865190928571433,5.462857142857144,80.83214285714288,68.28571428571428,7.028571428571429,35.42857142857143,7.1686216300943375,2.600442857142857,118,6,20,1,2,37,25,28,0.191,0.809,0.0,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980890342079734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910950916104674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440795260143298,0.0,0.0,0.22952472674097515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6562221165707266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252822926164686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671056958743362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300042204610546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894833785394015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,asdf_teld,2018/01/20,"Does anyone feel ashamed? Not for any particular reason, just for having BPD. I feel like if I were stronger I would have never gotten this disorder.",2.7038888888888906,5.730794111111113,3.212870370370372,84.05041666666669,89.37037037037037,5.662962962962964,21.564814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.186192592592592,119,4,20,2,4,37,23,27,0.199,0.638,0.163,-0.2789,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,8,7,1,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,3,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326316964853155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391960128795665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4308480936088077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920626971094556,0.0,0.2993636759614282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459401298444227,0.2443878676971284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712700763612162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26383949731879586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517236288589468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430096316152685,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rachelway82,2018/01/20,"Fired by my therapist Yesterday my therapist told me she couldn't see me anymore because I told her I am still drinking. I'm trying to stop, and cut way down, but it wasn't good enough. She said I'm going in circles and not making progress. She said she is going to tell my psychiatrist I lied to him about drinking, so he will probably stop seeing me too. I told her that I wanted to kill myself and she didn't care. I feel completely abandoned and rejected and I don't know how to handle it. And now I don't have a therapist to talk to about it. I cut twice today and I really want to kill myself. I don't know how to handle rejection.",2.357634996582365,3.901040142857145,4.296883116883119,85.7912987012987,76.14285714285714,7.843882433356117,24.120984278879014,8.575989854853784,1.5556225563909774,501,16,106,10,11,171,73,133,0.338,0.65,0.013,-0.9943,0,1,2,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,0,1,0,10,2,0,3,0,21,28,11,2,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,7,2,3,3,2,0,2,7,7,0,1,7,6,27,2,14,19,1,11,0,3,2,0,16,2,0,0,6,73,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557599650895208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333494139889053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938126710796894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333404022570514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26784041873299785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125423617697908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912285413589156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538677419755598,0.11466282694842014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30249071314876,0.0,0.15026050436227706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125257130237804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739260118111674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757760866016194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260078148815474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787457350072312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917389298675416,0.2285853127533441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987941123486734,0.11948740315097872,0.0,0.0,0.476179937261914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295816651587007,0.391886418306298,0.0,0.0928146595064788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126593168988554,0.10851116260564726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,High_priestess6,2018/01/20,"Telling me things I already know Becomes extremely infuriating, especially when it comes to my own mental health. You think I'm not aware of my incredibly wide range and timing of emotions? Do you think I don't know how the loop goes by now? This is MY LIFE. yeah it fucking sucks and it's hard and frustrating, do you really think that yelling all of my crazy faults at me is going to do anything? I WISH I could just control myself. Sometimes I think I'm doing really fucking good, being nice and calm and chill but in reality I'm blocking out all of my responsibilities and things that I need to be doing and thinking about and avoiding instead. I know I can be fucking crazy but I NEED TO VENT SOMETIMES. you can't expect someone with BPD, or anyone for that matter, to be able to shut down any and all emotions at all times and be a fucking quiet little Barbie doll who sits nicely and smiles and acts goddamn perfect. I am so fucking sick of being expected to act differently than who I am. I know I have my issues, but in a way, I am the way I am and part of my mind just wants to tell you to fuck off if you just want me to shut up and not be myself. Fuck I ran off track sorry for the vent it's been a terrible night. Love u guys ❤",3.2708792569659444,4.453378564705887,4.729700722394219,85.05733746130029,73.15686274509805,7.25077399380805,25.970072239422088,7.669130373188453,1.2783725490196076,974,32,205,12,19,326,137,255,0.14800000000000002,0.726,0.126,-0.7295,1,1,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,6,0,2,9,18,9,1,6,1,24,11,0,2,5,55,53,22,0,9,10,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,12,17,0,3,9,0,0,5,4,12,0,0,2,4,34,6,31,43,6,26,0,0,0,8,12,13,8,2,5,142,46,0,0.09759307033349003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769637991843424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636663443575397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823934392908558,0.0,0.08031078141595938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778387868521436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291505567764364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840677886112893,0.0,0.0,0.10945892688621713,0.07792012544088334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196398687231653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955813691404907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6315625465066902,0.0,0.0,0.05546439090371079,0.08185643712387138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663248319081563,0.0,0.0,0.08742422178622683,0.0,0.0,0.10373687010678856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186180995247446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453839670401395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893287174652095,0.0,0.09781389509366464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808155626383524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983508607610434,0.0,0.09854118037977157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472805010995765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158448537208748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568378479589252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250412397380428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269029179208247,0.0,0.19304408401633694,0.10924745217599102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060129012033784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296729988560071,0.3126684941711745,0.0,0.0,0.11381460826827998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512584286391113,0.15492967329443172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222721451862704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yeah_nvm,2018/01/20,"Road to Somewhere Hey everyone. Long time lurker, first time poster here in /r/BPD. I created a throwaway account for privacy reasons. I was diagnosed with BPD in late spring/summer of last year. I was previously diagnosed with depression and anxiety as a result of my first 5150 in February of 2015. After another inpatient hospitalization in May 2015 and subsequent partial hospitalizations plus intensive therapy, I started to realize that I was more than just depressed. I thought it was just my codependency but that didn’t explain how I went from bliss to rage in a split second. At first I thought I was bipolar, like my mother. But the duration of my depressive episodes vs. what I originally mistook as mania didn’t align with the diagnostic criteria. I was relieved to get a diagnosis that made sense. But soon after, I was consumed by dread and fear. I can count the number of meaningful and important relationships in my life in one hand. I am estranged from my entire family so I really only have my boyfriend and 3 friends. A key defining characteristic of our disorder is not being able to have stable relationships, so the thought of losing my chosen family as a result of BPD after having already lost my blood-related family is frightening to say the least. I tried my best to channel that fear into motivation to get help. I was and still am willing to do everything it takes to preserve my relationships. But man, has it been difficult. After some struggles with my health insurance, I abruptly ceased all types of BPD treatment in the fall of last year. Quitting Lamictal and Abilify cold turkey kicked my ass and so did the lack of Ativan or Xanax. All I had left were the few skills I learned from a DBT class I was enrolled in and weekly CoDA meeting at my local community center. Needless to say, I got really bad. I can no longer control my self-harm impulses or my emotional outbursts that usually manifest in rage and violence. My boyfriend has suffered the brunt of all of this since we live together. I am so ashamed and upset in admitting that he’s been my punching bag and is actually scared of me. My relationship is on thin ice and he gave me an ultimatum last November of either getting help or parting ways. At the time, I still didn’t have insurance and wouldn’t be covered until the start of the new year. I thought it would be challenging but feasible to keep it together till present day, but then Christmas said hold my ~~beer~~ eggnog, along with many other triggers, and I lost it several times since, most recently this past Monday where I cracked the wood of the locked door of the guest room in my house with a series of headbutts and punches because my boyfriend was in there needing his very-well-deserved space away from me. Despite his ultimatum, he’s still around. I want to believe that it’s because he’s hopeful in my recovery and because he genuinely loves me; I don't want to believe the million other bad thoughts I have plaguing my mind of why he’s still around. With a bruised hand and forehead, plus other hidden damage, I will be seeing a psychiatrist again this upcoming Tuesday. I am excited and terrified about it. I want to get better, I really do. I don’t want suicide to be my plan B, shit I don’t even want it to be my plan Z, I don’t want to consider it as an alternative solution anymore! Although the thought of being emotionally and mentally stable seem like a dream, I think it’s something worth dreaming of until it becomes a reality. Will it though? I don’t know. Has my fire been extinguished or has it been reduced to a barely-palpable smoldering? I don’t know either. But I want to find out. Thank you for reading this.",5.778045299044473,7.254950682080928,6.526425622272033,73.42499174236171,67.46820809248554,10.215453580276044,35.36522354606583,10.3828142210043,4.026345723723017,2960,147,513,79,49,974,344,692,0.162,0.71,0.128,-0.9912,0,0,2,0,0,1,74.0,2,1,0,15,21,32,3,7,32,0,60,13,5,9,3,98,99,48,1,12,17,1,4,2,2,6,6,3,2,1,29,35,1,3,18,5,2,2,12,21,0,6,33,9,78,11,95,53,13,76,0,8,1,2,30,31,2,9,44,366,107,6,0.06414008162021,0.0,0.0625914673433182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078017501206832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725646805552951,0.04906698688033705,0.0,0.06360972601318572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141965422579307,0.0,0.0,0.06026171804456287,0.0,0.1071085780397525,0.11729759528689787,0.07083768091923741,0.0,0.14452781558135633,0.06731105853184051,0.056726689904629736,0.0,0.0,0.32312874988261625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193855547890618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04136504646847377,0.0,0.1657312749423138,0.13020166541280348,0.0,0.0,0.07351009037283307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429791760753535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042363918990631966,0.0,0.0,0.06128859665092293,0.057644969583907066,0.0,0.18139668189135846,0.14435084765375625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862287260531952,0.1636725619805242,0.0,0.0,0.049554467953422526,0.0,0.1340421814492681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05129868257964683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817790743684861,0.0,0.0,0.08598348939026493,0.0,0.0,0.06370557338540411,0.0,0.07400904257752046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570106516027762,0.0,0.0,0.07049942290084088,0.1568481815493831,0.0723528058129058,0.0,0.06968838635170413,0.0,0.04530403649592001,0.06267120807793967,0.0,0.056636867171414675,0.05676195386322477,0.0,0.07175634493553132,0.1400329517200049,0.0,0.057888927858219134,0.06069089607133635,0.0,0.06502797557900658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463811636497413,0.0,0.06476319815446427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755905780536252,0.0,0.06194689051094531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346297926421371,0.048781422334941295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694574579893622,0.061228965508003365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822087196179652,0.06415743883720894,0.0,0.12326933605968507,0.06594668642108469,0.06333059268285511,0.2754497756185826,0.0,0.0,0.06101190555171938,0.10201353459752413,0.06421541102953722,0.0,0.05111134080694581,0.05839072137404429,0.06691209356190392,0.0724600354824515,0.06583887206540577,0.10611467664310537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937816843210694,0.0,0.0,0.09079735979594597,0.0,0.20488940814008308,0.0,0.0,0.0670531396142082,0.0,0.07015883893600795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822535904675088,0.0,0.0,0.05905156966415201,0.0733497731962512,0.0,0.0,0.04109837443924613,0.06301730453487454,0.30552036173883496,0.14960238957446986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0435469051545891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706412382621846,0.0,0.26482037366268524,0.05091141131506787,0.05144930460565001,0.0,0.05766963629070573,0.059458498253914825,0.057876447310731764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556327371415318,0.0,0.0,0.12391232894470595 bpd,gangstahermione,2018/01/20,"I hate that every time I go through a breakup, it snowballs into a literal health crisis I wish I could be the person who still gets on with their life, but I just can’t do it. I know what I need to do, and I *can’t* do it.",-0.8147058823529392,0.6674032156862744,1.8076078431372584,100.27023529411764,85.47058823529412,4.864313725490196,18.04313725490196,5.6839178017228535,-0.6581874509803921,168,4,45,1,5,58,37,51,0.115,0.8420000000000001,0.043,-0.4678,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,13,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744819428314814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28965115125025936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961189913373932,0.0,0.1953792256759834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394135387663817,0.0,0.3654241762196726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889335893842513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24282338426538225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254909987321132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30017717076651035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745447389063593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046204124621672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953323189014745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GetSame,2018/01/20,"A question on supportive relationships Hey. I'm currently in therapy, diagnosed with C-PTSD, DD and BPD. I'm male. Since starting therapy, I started cutting people out of my life where I realized I didn't even like them. My dissociations covered that all up, it's why I didn't notice earlier. Anyway, I've also met a girl online who has severe trauma and BPD as well. We have not yet met but we have been chatting on a daily basis for 2 months and I trust her 100%. I feel like she is the only and first person I can trust in my life. Now the question is: Is this healthy? What if we meet and our BPD makes it all worse? What if she gets abandonment issues and makes my life even worse than it already is? Do you think something like this can work? She has been there for me in bad times. I don't want to lose the first and only person I trust 100%. And just stopping texting her feels harsh. What would you say? If you were this girl, do you think it would be a good idea for me? **Edit**: I was talking about a bond, not an actual relationship.",1.152233388022971,3.426988542452833,2.8661033634126376,90.93123461853979,83.38679245283019,5.951107465135357,20.538146021328963,7.255503002510835,0.561289335520919,809,24,173,12,23,267,125,212,0.162,0.72,0.118,-0.7966,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,4,4,1,4,11,14,1,0,9,0,22,4,0,2,2,37,37,14,0,6,7,0,2,3,0,2,4,1,0,5,12,13,0,2,8,1,0,0,5,5,1,2,8,3,30,9,16,26,2,18,0,2,0,0,31,8,0,5,13,117,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.10877771567944867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300887133661845,0.08914176104730677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307200280935747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42117410856248894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313874192770927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472485158321537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272420447372103,0.07963351341047639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963103830099529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058237979239106674,0.0,0.0,0.09349495266108553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583499226321512,0.0,0.1163447302875803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23620166503145434,0.16337444566197995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470535711808853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881291628988078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897353426435525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690825513400347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955447489619574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727860577183686,0.1946609542404192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030135731858952,0.0,0.24974169948225736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23935209260919105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864466462368124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259283009711115,0.0,0.09220835215434986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581432253406103,0.0,0.0,0.1577967382383532,0.0,0.0,0.09319311918110612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264937598596466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959460206273431,0.0,0.0,0.2549491524181568,0.0,0.0,0.14284973589509825,0.0,0.0,0.0649985009491674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574733525440715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022406513269383,0.0,0.10058348201954158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115079784252233,0.0,0.22719297522118,0.1583688334487383,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shecouldvebeenafool,2018/01/20,"How do I get out of this? I'm so fucking lonely. I graduated a couple of years ago, I left a really good job I worked so hard to get because of this fucking disorder. I have very few friends. I can go weeks and weeks without seeing anyone but my mother (who also has BPD). It feels like I have so much to give but I have no one to give it to. I hate myself so much that I won't go and join local groups. I think I'm disgusting so no one will want to talk to me and I can't deal with that rejection. I just want to give up. How do you deal with this shithole we call life? ",-0.7245219347581546,1.123551244094493,1.9777784026996628,97.04009842519686,87.74015748031496,5.203374578177729,16.945444319460066,6.5431188927421005,-0.38172170978627706,436,10,109,5,14,151,75,127,0.212,0.7090000000000001,0.079,-0.9624,1,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,0,1,9,9,4,0,2,0,10,3,0,2,0,17,27,13,0,2,4,1,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,6,0,2,0,3,18,3,15,25,3,10,0,2,1,2,13,4,2,0,5,74,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191495869983325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190067966970363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405446653777413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907158577717873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742648758887914,0.0,0.15195610864754275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164660268213002,0.0,0.0,0.30684215894271977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055415893418652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524501606783418,0.1063130145665616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149736119267588,0.2751529713678913,0.1554987308737712,0.4282689070340455,0.16914927005528538,0.12481843181931394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330844402459927,0.14692337972622024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476752982686646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168724676317478,0.0,0.10511198941119652,0.07270318352834347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187913672462704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20168093483725288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533429504894653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858578460609293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196113523848072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535423845211834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278743908582546,0.17554914033705904,0.0,0.2387398200780425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434517407480128,0.0,0.10833863261375548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583157422132137 bpd,AmethystMistress,2018/01/21,"The emptiness... Just got DX last week; still coming to understand that this isn’t how the rest of the world feels. Please talk to me about this feeling of emptiness.....the one that has had me on the couch all day despite there really not being anything “wrong”. More importantly, I suppose, talk to me about how you push through this feeling of loneliness created by self-isolation....",6.0847826086956545,7.790190231884061,5.354318840579712,81.25408695652175,66.97101449275362,8.998260869565216,32.64057971014493,9.3871,2.9994614492753637,302,13,54,6,5,91,51,69,0.098,0.738,0.16399999999999998,0.2878,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,1,10,10,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,3,5,0,11,7,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21428686800759691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243113913751316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793634442103106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949979261218969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826552757789216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21226061201667726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17645366023804768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28584081063071315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681879545208614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716538079779113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795563616650609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418599030222735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710854007305973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20887703208703234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847063297711478,0.0,0.0 bpd,_notreallyzelda,2018/01/21,"Flashbacks/Intrusive thoughts Background: I've had BPD since I was 9 or 10 years old, but only started therapy last summer (at 25). I had a devastating bipolar II/mixed-episode breakdown in September - early October that left me hospitalized and actively suicidal, and was the culmination of several years' trauma and self-neglect. Since then, I've figured out medication, resumed regular therapy, gotten a great job, and more or less stabilized. I reconnected with my partner, fell in love with what I do professionally and my team at work, started mending my family relationships, and have generally felt *good* about myself. I can't overstate how well-functioning Current-Me is compared to Recently-Past-Me. But what's been terrifying lately, is that I've had more and more vivid flashbacks and lucid dreams that drag me back into spirals I've gone down anytime in the past 5-6 years. I've been blindsided by a smell, word/phrase, or even texture (on a fabric or a certain food) that triggers a flight into what I think is probably c-ptsd. I've also had a huge uptick in intrusive thoughts. Over the last few weeks, I seem to have lost my ability to mindfully shut them down or hear them without verbalizing. My best guess at what's going on is an analogy to what usually triggers migraines for me - I'm responding to some delayed ""release of stress."" But does anyone have a better explanation? I feel like whatever's going on is chipping away at the ""progress"" I've made recently, and might undermine what I've achieved. 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Advice? Can't even write down what I'm feeling, I'm just sad and I can't be arsed anymore. Does anyone have any advice on how to get over this slump I'm in? I've been feeling like this for the past few days. Can't watch TV can't play my game because I just can't concentrate. My psychiatrist suggested writing my feelings down but it's hard when I just feel empty I don't even know why I'm sad in all honesty..",0.21671977507029186,2.362979762886603,2.203730084348642,94.9690815370197,86.42268041237114,4.764386129334583,21.189315838800376,6.11248444174946,0.1054824742268039,355,12,80,3,11,118,61,97,0.157,0.782,0.061,-0.86,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,1,17,22,5,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,7,7,2,8,20,2,9,0,3,1,0,4,6,0,0,4,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927609349138006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666294895763104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993030713861719,0.14051925422420894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250627103809518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960566450938024,0.0,0.17309067963339586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758656424975518,0.0,0.23552923782955726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654706976426126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080691821192657,0.14356928653127538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499580855215407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002497883477314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088998641776286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818124554432182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184363223028905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626789308150045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wearyforest,2018/01/21,"Worried about maintaining good grades, working, and mental health Do any of you work and go to school full time? How do you manage? 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I hate being alone, I get bored, lonely and always think about bad stuff so familiar company’s welcomed (unless I’m having one of those day where having people around me is draining). But because of my fear of being on my own I come off as needy, and when someone tells me their going to come up but let me down I take it really personally and my mind automatically jumps to conclusions like they hate me, I’m annoying them etc. I know logically that that’s not the case, their just busy or tired but I just can’t help feeling rejected. It’s also hard because while people know I have bpd no one knows anything about it so they can’t understand why I have such emotional responses to things that they deem “silly”. Can anyone relate to this? I just feel so alone and isolated sometimes that it will be nice to know I’m not the only one going through these things, and that I’m not “silly” for feeling the way I do. 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Answering incoming calls and e-mails, night shifts... Is it compatible with borderline?",9.208571428571428,13.851583190476193,9.05428571428572,42.61571428571432,74.23809523809524,14.228571428571426,49.85714285714285,11.20814326018867,9.513971428571429,121,9,12,6,3,39,21,21,0.0,0.8590000000000001,0.141,0.4515,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5507006350298823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5351866486882163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5061103368888075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926275442933899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MarblePsychonaut,2018/01/21,"About Temporary Isolation I'm seeking professional help for my BPD and decided to eliminate contact with people with whom I have an unhealthy relationship until I get at least a little better at this. As you probably guessed, those are also my favorite people and the reason we have an unhealthy relationship is mostly my fault for idolizing them, romanticizing the friendship and expecting too much. The isolation makes my daily life much easier and less dramatic, but it has a predictable disadvantage: they haven't contacted me since I stopped contacting them and that makes me feel unloved. It's not a constant feeling but it comes when I think about it. Anyone been there? Any thoughts?",9.47218487394958,10.425117899159666,8.69042016806723,63.03546218487397,59.084033613445385,12.514285714285714,41.369747899159655,12.031772070788634,5.611685714285715,566,29,83,17,7,178,85,119,0.172,0.741,0.08800000000000001,-0.8925,0,2,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,3,1,6,4,0,0,8,0,7,1,0,3,0,24,17,11,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,15,2,11,15,5,8,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,2,4,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851425873262656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347945233508222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859810606485234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530704471814146,0.0,0.0,0.2496476803979961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074660469616268,0.0,0.21420242323005956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044918906071768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356032908385088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835864191614426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286084068101767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000670169994114,0.0,0.19866575242716786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646230996380293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29142496360465536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748377587764449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137117148130298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380034027846214,0.0,0.4256222795050468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396735288802508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571849189892887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700960654987592,0.0,0.1573623509724106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mau5keteer,2018/01/21,"What helps you control bad thoughts? Sometimes something, or a combination of lots of little somethings, triggers an unstoppable flood of incredibly dark/self-deprecating thoughts that I can't seem to cope with. This leads me to act out in drastic ways: i.e. having a meltdown, self-harming, saying awful shit to people who don't deserve it, basically seeking validation or attention in any way possible, even if it's negative. What helps you calm these thoughts? What helps you have some semblance of control over your reactions to such thoughts? For me, writing them all down helps immensely, and gives me something physical to focus on other than just retreating into my head, or worse. Here is a map of my thoughts from last night (trigger warning) -- https://i.imgur.com/gGnF6N9_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium",12.735539803707745,13.588403862595424,9.543685932388222,59.971297709923675,52.3587786259542,11.760523446019633,45.431842966194104,11.20814326018867,5.465784296619412,690,35,93,14,7,198,99,131,0.13699999999999998,0.774,0.08900000000000001,-0.8385,0,0,3,0,0,0,40.0,0,4,1,3,4,3,1,0,4,1,5,2,2,5,1,25,12,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,2,7,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,5,1,11,1,21,7,3,15,0,0,0,0,13,9,1,7,2,64,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28452915434197273,0.0,0.08928918157925164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963084941919743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945304694537336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672307127343848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259558821734702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347527049451084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520331667322758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702783840358968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159809464870104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162741367677917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321709265138105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091027580120431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802214763061994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441582415584363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953149784250375,0.27395115453351554,0.0,0.13477858825935327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032457706216744,0.12986004501419313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.521191632287032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844124232625008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338069349737279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,claiiire7,2018/01/21,"Can someone explain BPD to me? I've been diagnosed, and I'm not quite sure what all it entails. Can someone shed some light?",1.1998666666666686,3.697738320000002,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,85.8,4.933333333333334,28.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,1.2703333333333338,98,5,20,1,3,31,22,25,0.103,0.897,0.0,-0.3692,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,6,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596569344145557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37042880524286426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38818207145528055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6184623327296269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439724193685776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jess7373,2018/01/21,I'm tired of taking care of myself What if i don't want to be strong anymore. I'm tired and i don't want to burden anyone. I don't see why anyone would love me. I'm just tired. ,-1.866428571428571,-0.14358526190475907,1.1717142857142877,101.62328571428571,92.09523809523807,3.3600000000000003,10.780952380952382,3.1291,-1.9645676190476191,137,1,36,0,5,48,25,42,0.231,0.4970000000000001,0.272,0.6075,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,6,14,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,4,12,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21854092329306612,0.3081659238367601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467480666108694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888624799230312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560081312692785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568558226507493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7598246965292945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25995166190717994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988433691663429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653958175643834,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zmnzk,2018/01/21,"Tips on practicing healthy habits and mindfulness in relationships? I have a long history of rocky relationships/friendships. I’m in my early 20s but have either removed myself or been ejected from five different friend groups in the last ten years. I only have one remaining friend who has known me for over two years and they are an exceedingly kind and patient and understanding person. However, I can’t even say that I particularly enjoy our time spent together despite how much they mean to me. I feel terrible. I feel lonely and miserable. I’m currently part of a friend group I really enjoy but I’m terrified to get any closer to any of them than I already am. I feel like I have no control over my future even though I know that’s impossible. Every potential friendship feels like there is an inevitable and terrible end. In my last friend group, these feelings caused me to close myself off and only speak to others in large group settings. I wound up feeling jealous and hurt when I noticed that people within the group formed close-knit friendships and I felt like an obnoxious, annoying outsider. I entirely closed myself off after that and broke all contact. I know it’s a bad and thoughtless move. I was so convinced at the time that no one would care anyway that I didn’t consider that maybe someone actually would Sorry this is long-winded and rambling. I’ve never talked about this before. I’ve thought a lot about the similarities and differences in what caused each relationship to ultimately fail. I want to be able to change that by learning from the past. However, each situation is muddled and complicated in my brain. I just know that the common denominator is me; I know that I am the problem. I just really have no idea where to begin or what to do. My question is does anyone have any general advice for me? Particularly in mindfulness and frame of mind? I’m tired of feeling like my life isn’t mine to live and more so I’m sick to my stomach over hurting and making everyone I’ve ever cared about hate me in the end ",5.651217829168223,7.3056996710182736,6.196862178291683,74.997203002611,67.9556135770235,9.440096978739277,30.9109474076837,9.784248007369934,3.108036255128684,1646,66,288,38,28,534,207,383,0.19,0.654,0.156,-0.96,4,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,3,2,16,27,3,1,15,0,24,6,2,5,3,64,52,26,0,4,7,0,8,4,4,2,4,2,0,1,18,21,0,1,19,0,1,2,7,13,0,5,6,10,44,14,45,43,9,44,0,6,0,0,22,22,0,4,23,198,62,2,0.08670648471285299,0.0,0.08461302151895654,0.0,0.0,0.08472857335825698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568276197396064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689014869037845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062719013741255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239629300294625,0.0,0.0,0.07378083225628075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679311249570118,0.0,0.0,0.1768060796980729,0.17814288840109685,0.09172396395661056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097248695407508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117964398077147,0.0,0.0,0.0758774290769071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359241921489816,0.0,0.0,0.1145376308090126,0.07843097946270744,0.07305395299060004,0.0828517618679024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068898273642893,0.18582939001091106,0.08325182271688936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679568600176612,0.0,0.04530055958428315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560470275496704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18564217038256087,0.09788106729121852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029146107508508,0.19060646571084625,0.14135471520266155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124335436807887,0.16944163486794495,0.0,0.07656341453788867,0.15346502095384307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371475264963205,0.0,0.0,0.05787725183271737,0.0,0.0871083180377111,0.09444878072930167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626464969589077,0.0,0.0,0.09215527130744637,0.06373924283994432,0.0,0.06687338629578153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871590753229437,0.0,0.0,0.11750911604578199,0.13188837753593008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389467345876673,0.08277115070166502,0.06011135913532298,0.07570875802624083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296639590365999,0.0,0.0,0.09713110658962557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110927887069692,0.0,0.0,0.1861806311710866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895247678713014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746172167654596,0.0,0.0,0.07346612312402237,0.0,0.0,0.09706081087158022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969138802892454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518868099750965,0.06883526365367831,0.10111849702228816,0.0996563491382544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469963661946824,0.09026450845449893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114173117119643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318759801886342,0.0,0.0,0.11167226674261893 bpd,Overexplains_Everyth,2018/01/21,"Whens to early to have 'a talk' with a girl? I would post /r/relationship but they're rarely constructive, and y'all prob better understand why I want to have a talk with her. So, been talking to this girl for ... Fuck, only 2 1/2 weeks ... Could swear it was closer to 4-5 weeks ( just calendared it so I could be sure). Fuckin hell. Thought I was holding it together longer than usual. Anyway, hung out like 6-7 times in the two and half weeks. Believe I just answered my own question just now, but I'll still ask. When's an appropriate time to ask her, ""so, like, what's happening here?"". Usually good at reading girls, but this chick's an enigma to me. And I don't know if I'm asking for pure reasons or if its some backhanded BPD voodoo shit my head's concocted.",1.7175541125541116,3.8058391103896128,3.049064935064937,91.48835930735932,79.97402597402598,6.704069264069265,21.954978354978362,7.793537801064563,0.8748983549783551,589,18,129,10,15,191,109,154,0.112,0.789,0.099,-0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,1,12,9,4,0,6,0,10,4,2,1,2,29,20,14,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,6,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,0,12,5,15,12,2,17,1,0,0,2,14,4,4,5,14,75,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990453908936151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030389459170494,0.0,0.12583749754232273,0.0,0.0,0.1792000967162414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272023380401505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153807584828514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193399894632492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582013358582358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460231125378358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819485828394591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390242936039616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821241506430973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626750888643085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593892019646513,0.0,0.14232121714791066,0.0,0.0,0.14629032655332647,0.0,0.15275838639937905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460511606731988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362715873525438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409977355628627,0.0,0.0,0.3430843664327893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295658132611057,0.1659323888107431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898953652932994,0.14812132254478794,0.0,0.0,0.31340861457452285,0.0,0.08392203079603723,0.0,0.3423918310456169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838801820566256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107355732661892,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eggyeli,2018/01/21,"had a sleepover with my fp. it was pretty alright, but there were a few things that happened that were upsetting. my fp has a super controlling girlfriend, and there were two times when she facetimed him, and they texted the entire night. there was even a time when she got drunk and craved his attention, and so he ended up telling her that he misses her and said he couldn’t be with her. he almost texted her that he wishes he could be with her but i think he avoided saying that bc i was kinda reading what he was saying (he’s fine w it). it was really upsetting to know that i couldn’t even spend quality time with him when we were alone and i can’t spend time with him a lot bc his gf never lets him spend time alone. i think he could tell that i was upset though bc everytime he texted her he would snuggle me or be affectionate with me. i loved spending time with him but it didn’t feel good enough. ",3.923770903010034,4.925168684782608,4.1669565217391344,90.39710702341141,71.3913043478261,7.400668896321071,23.392976588628763,7.61054688173877,0.7765230769230764,714,17,155,8,13,222,92,184,0.125,0.745,0.13,0.2144,0,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,2,10,11,0,4,6,1,23,2,0,1,1,35,33,15,0,6,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,13,14,1,2,5,2,4,0,5,5,0,1,14,4,28,6,9,10,3,13,0,1,0,1,37,1,0,4,12,104,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693016232930398,0.303938668556242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457158571533742,0.23430594411498626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12996034485671448,0.15161261606722135,0.0,0.1938292277066559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419173420360352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307121987854605,0.11735439335747695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975396927161195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063966354043317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004265543829398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474567070878388,0.13243069157513687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316819396634716,0.0,0.0,0.13769734834213349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927844299767534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677096828793304,0.0,0.09399980288904394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957503007000227,0.2333731757800407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564991786313741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748172969199546,0.1880389342477876,0.1441627186669264,0.0,0.5133610686614356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333512084217212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873370842512275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423367769344256,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,angelicpresence,2018/01/21,"How often should I text the new guy I'm dating? I struggle to keep myself from obsessing over my romantic partners, and over-texting is usually how it manifests. What's a good rule of thumb when texting people you're dating?",5.562480620155039,6.88503765116279,6.465116279069767,74.2401550387597,67.83720930232559,9.454263565891472,32.93798449612403,9.725611199111238,3.4531612403100773,181,8,30,4,3,60,37,43,0.11,0.75,0.14,0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33703429718172473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978729370770965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571632267765533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880880270904616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785769695815386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.420077915912526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425568186276361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Imaginethis1232,2018/01/22,"Hey guys. My girlfriend has BPD. I don't know whether I'm allowed to post here or not. If not, then feel free to delete my post. I completely understand. It seems like you guys are quite open about BPD, something that my ex isn't, and I have alot of questions that I don't understand. I wanna make this relationship work, but it's hard. First of all I gave her all the reassurance in the world. I blocked multiple girls on social media. I'm not talking to any girls. I don't go out to drink, cause I know it would hurt her. The thing is, even though I'm completely sacrificing myself she still is so angry sometimes. She hits me without a reason, or for a reason that I don't seem to understand. She always feels criticized, even though I'm not really critizising her at all. She lied to me about things that are undeniable, still she tried to convince me that it is not true. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a wall. She only sees her point of view, and she doesn't know how her behaviour is affecting me. We've been through multiple breakups now, but she always ended up texting me again, promising me to change, but she never did. Everytime she had me back, she became cold again. I felt like a third degree person. Whenever we fight she just vanishes, either she runs out of the house, storms out of the car, or goes to sleep when it's a text fight. Leaving me in the chaos and confusion. The next day she acts like nothing happened. It doesn't work for me. I wanna solve these problems, but we can't solve problems if she always leaves whenever it comes to confrontation. Why can't she admit to her flaws? Why is it that she can be so nice one second, and in the other one she is so cold? I treated her like a goddess, I gave her everything she wanted, I took care of her when she was feeling bad. After all she said that I'm the most interesting guy she ever met. So why does she seem so uninterested ? Whenever she did something wrong, i.e. flirting with another guy, and I found out about it she grabs a knife and helds it on her wrist, which immediately makes me forgive her. How can she do all these things to me ? After all it was her that was always afraid of me cheating on her. She said that she is doing a good thing by threatening suicide, cause she is trying to keep us together with it. She also said that I'm the one who made her like this. It's not fair at all. Can you guys give me some insight ? I wanna be able to get her into therapy, even though I know that I'll probably never will. Thank you and have a good day! edit: I wrote her a very long letter, explaining that I will support her with everything I got, if she decides to go to therapy. No answer from her so far.. ",2.893439934399346,4.589488630996311,3.97707503075031,88.00140180401804,75.05166051660517,7.3270028700287,24.22156621566216,8.094773233980128,1.2532960557605577,2106,66,444,34,45,683,240,542,0.146,0.7490000000000001,0.106,-0.9815,1,0,3,0,2,1,73.0,3,3,0,4,29,32,4,2,21,0,39,3,2,11,11,99,90,33,1,10,20,1,7,6,1,3,0,3,0,8,36,19,1,3,25,1,1,7,19,11,0,6,20,14,94,22,55,64,11,48,0,1,2,0,87,19,0,14,26,315,130,3,0.06764103217042214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409250898865477,0.22513102950360867,0.0,0.0,0.0459982213857145,0.0709275199609287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201177850731386,0.056477436494501224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038302426412455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896454033622454,0.1389719452377281,0.07155524315551033,0.058266759868514074,0.14184067061239267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724573989389571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919312307720843,0.0,0.0,0.06626246031711894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599098775809778,0.0,0.0,0.13402879143238827,0.06118518612032139,0.0,0.0,0.1215827963916862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680535300391478,0.04832276689786687,0.06494599841394151,0.0,0.0,0.057535427409723776,0.0,0.07416490046315716,0.0,0.0,0.03533964752839763,0.06488744157550394,0.07688391474129795,0.11346817715503095,0.054098712552570725,0.0,0.0,0.3348762817832331,0.059814741360365076,0.0,0.06059307877197737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804866946584678,0.07241112392353967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060122457310765876,0.0,0.0,0.14869496926020162,0.0,0.0,0.1432441729488868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982759498277635,0.0,0.0,0.05986018493167354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400358013139006,0.09030182842995907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433786789438364,0.0,0.07193700508402312,0.0,0.0,0.0649033946562459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750594188704954,0.05144405298725142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059061540254976376,0.0,0.0,0.06394263891479922,0.0,0.12956282222198304,0.0,0.07292847310350659,0.12944666533232335,0.0,0.0,0.07577343640831109,0.07194456381246839,0.0,0.0,0.043332577255989865,0.13909249333838708,0.0,0.07262115460140534,0.0,0.0,0.19302633370374075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390114512586916,0.18473356580535116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768988171490803,0.06895151406170417,0.0,0.10414674241325776,0.13379742078652326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803643133356476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398831061067243,0.07675824172449862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873459892365064,0.0,0.062274774563246864,0.1547068305225693,0.0,0.17975078470800732,0.0,0.19937091202548346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515167557768154,0.09184764153950696,0.0,0.0,0.2112500999355948,0.08136383328039341,0.0,0.0,0.05581093548255567,0.039896433292828326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831065319328229,0.0,0.0,0.06520354123642502,0.0,0.09848695404174468,0.0,0.0,0.04805024853784548,0.07395485021123445,0.0,0.0 bpd,ohperri,2018/01/22,"How do you learn to trust someone/accept that their intentions are good? I was diagnosed just a few months ago. I'm trying different, natural ways to help me mentally before I resort to meds. I have a boyfriend of 7 months who's been extremely supportive, loving and patient. He tells me how much he loves me all the time. I only get to see him once a week but we've discussed moving in together within the next few months. It's just so so so hard for me to accept that he truly does love me. I've been cheated on and used by so many guys in the past that I rarely let anyone in anymore. I come from being raised by an abusive, unloving mother. I have little friends because people are just so cruel. How do I learn to fully trust that his intentions are always good and all these rotten thoughts I have that he's out cheating on me are just tricks my mind is playing. We just spent two days together and he left and he hasn't texted me in two hours and I instantly assume that he must be out with someone else. It's awful that I'm always in panic mode. I'd do anything to just calm down and accept that he doesn't want to hurt me but my brain doesn't allow that. Help :( Any advice nor tips would be great.",2.831330645161291,4.360456891129033,3.9008387096774193,89.18125806451616,74.84677419354837,6.734193548387097,22.883870967741927,7.365786028017652,0.7923929032258069,951,26,199,11,20,308,141,248,0.18,0.63,0.19,-0.2787,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,1,0,14,22,4,1,7,1,23,5,1,7,3,39,36,18,0,3,8,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,13,12,0,0,6,1,1,2,4,8,0,2,5,3,25,14,25,25,5,26,0,1,1,3,24,13,0,1,10,124,38,2,0.0,0.14628051229274494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206441784873423,0.10944029020687394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545806395055244,0.0,0.0,0.08395737834909436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243964804017975,0.08632645704061345,0.0,0.10159747768102287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526037910151318,0.0,0.10505579809581382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378227565676199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635029477413513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962181333269283,0.0,0.0,0.12530981570400335,0.0,0.128989952505551,0.0,0.0,0.10804112159434752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031354114282757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538528139199497,0.0,0.06450301922297316,0.0,0.0,0.20710563132655396,0.0,0.13611564473693336,0.0,0.12224531228742035,0.0,0.0,0.1105963640884451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550595070993154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158373009427975,0.0,0.1321670261324463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414020201284918,0.12624673303444464,0.0,0.0,0.12373986217618466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342837831551633,0.0,0.0,0.12516957612753304,0.0,0.0,0.1371367910129285,0.0,0.12441915275766252,0.0,0.12465991735831865,0.0,0.2956349962329635,0.13121898032148965,0.09075767813669806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130164974195646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148141055837154,0.0,0.09389727885876244,0.0,0.14485430382236994,0.0,0.0,0.1178570237059378,0.0855919703731434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983820395322389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460768687171428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010152018348246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079099247931759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801385182473786,0.07199081443013503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382158004047575,0.0,0.24120595150175145,0.0,0.0,0.10663023814897343,0.0,0.0,0.07282020573486056,0.0979972037822262,0.09903257163097937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770280186339531,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,joannamarybentley,2018/01/22,"Was I ever a Favourite Person? I know two people diagnosed with BPD and I'm still learning about all the terms. One of them is a guy I became very close with last year, but I'm not actually sure if I was ever his FP. Can someone enlighten me? When we first met, he was keen on getting to know all about me. He was in a long-term relationship but he constantly talked about how toxic she was and how she'd cheated on him and how their relationship was breaking down (guessing this is what they call splitting black?). Then he began to pursue me romantically and he'd come on very strong, kissing me etc. Whenever his girlfriend called him, he'd tell her he was with me and he'd try and make her jealous. Eventually, she broke up with him, leaving him for someone else. He was devastated, which really surprised me. He begged for her forgiveness and became depressed for many weeks. He even apologised to me for his past behaviours, saying he just didn't know how to control his impulses. I was pretty mad at him for a while, but somehow we ended up becoming close friends. He got diagnosed at this point and began to confide in me about his fears, talking about his feelings with me until 3am. This went on for a solid few months and we'd meet up all the time and hang out together. He'd always call me up asking what I was doing, if I wanted to meet him. Occasionally, I'd see the other side to him where he'd get snappy or he'd say something belittling to me. He'd constantly give me mixed messages about how he felt about me. One minute he was trying to make me jealous by talking about other girls in front of me, and the next minute he was back to flirting with me, hinting he wanted more. Then at one point he had a major rage at me, saying how he was upset because I'd made some comment he took offense to. Afterwards he calmed down, saying he only got made because he had feelings for me but that we couldn't possibly be together because I clearly didn't trust him blah blah...but he'd still always stay in touch and it was clear I was the only regular person in his life. Anyway, that was several months ago. Over the past few months, he's become increasingly distant from me to the point he now hasn't been in touch with me for weeks. It feels so strange to go from being so close, to barely speaking. I decided to text him the other day to ask how he was. He replied straight away saying he was fine, but he didn't carry the conversation on and he ended it with ""hope everything goes well for you, keep on keeping on"" which sounded so final. It doesn't feel like I've been split black, just kind of forgotten about and that hurts. I know he's gotten a new job and some new hobbies and he's busy with new friends. I wouldn't doubt he has new romantic interests because I've seen him talking to other girls on Facebook etc. I'm just wondering, was I ever his FP? Or was I just someone he used to get back at his girlfriend, then someone he used for emotional support until he got back on his feet? How can he just distance himself from me and become indifferent after being so close?",5.314677130427364,5.629536032414912,5.946582359464301,81.34812228098609,67.93030794165317,8.828610423952911,30.337328328926038,8.6894789155246,2.2166233387358187,2440,87,487,36,38,795,260,617,0.098,0.778,0.124,0.9289,2,0,1,0,0,0,65.0,4,1,3,3,41,30,6,3,16,0,50,5,1,15,9,100,95,45,0,7,15,0,7,2,4,1,3,7,0,5,18,35,0,3,14,0,0,7,8,12,1,5,40,18,78,18,85,40,13,92,0,3,4,1,112,39,0,11,45,315,96,2,0.0,0.0,0.06403675225158148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816916815356017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109204065960106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269378775599807,0.0,0.06165320725759089,0.15137578422677847,0.0,0.16000811543833549,0.2174201316396861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826475100355882,0.0,0.20101951718741845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056526788883723166,0.0,0.14182624805750654,0.07359967180943779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04232019706532067,0.0,0.056519378994622824,0.13320812156472106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054818029800702835,0.0738149335081796,0.11624167912242606,0.0,0.1463698015581055,0.04334213431886847,0.17807419391979926,0.0,0.0,0.058976036071291614,0.0,0.0,0.07384200962893836,0.13272005041753365,0.04687974496740703,0.06300657097583542,0.07188473514097747,0.0,0.05581729558780038,0.0,0.0,0.10139743712626063,0.0,0.10285298854291,0.06294976277075369,0.03729399770077135,0.0,0.15744962532194304,0.0,0.07228906761861828,0.06497523090435661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517658385526827,0.0,0.0,0.07024877175418312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511884127306303,0.11665414240453767,0.0,0.06833430386365713,0.14425461711635545,0.05348997538752191,0.0,0.06948329666328971,0.0,0.0,0.04635014138864947,0.03205916713041206,0.0,0.0,0.05807263084147926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418459066726235,0.08760522127870746,0.06652952132810593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713446826068678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535091665863444,0.06978881112469858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333997182072067,0.09981564545876946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252855784111987,0.04549342575589405,0.11459567083099954,0.0,0.0,0.1860995218591948,0.07397795892796839,0.0,0.066760275566992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203857313954722,0.0,0.0,0.1409050609269977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260922763062015,0.0,0.0,0.05229154080296435,0.0,0.0,0.07413319318557071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240226579419367,0.05051834815087214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994338831377478,0.10481023073059734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744660752517862,0.061847133923777574,0.0,0.0,0.21097509906449716,0.057355755808641135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038264205825682684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290748463144282,0.08910487307836629,0.0,0.06410230421548893,0.0,0.0,0.11335116603614814,0.0,0.1082886014099542,0.07741007967652291,0.0,0.10527461688913003,0.0,0.05900127235123795,0.0608314405069383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116331108904947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0422578531672426 bpd,ofmiceormen,2018/01/22,"I need some support my boyfriend broke up with me today. he told me he needs to focus more on himself, and that we have grown apart from each other and he maybe wasn't ready to start dating when we did. we were together for almost 6 months. given I've taken almost a year of DBT, I've learned that yes, it's okay to need space and focus on yourself. he said he still loves me a lot and I'm really important to him, but he felt like it could get toxic between us. what I need some support in, is just radically accepting this reality as it is. I don't know why, but it seems really common for BPD people to love so hard, it ends up putting a strain on their relationships. he told me he feels like I'm a bit bossy and I consumed a lot of his time. I did not ask for him to dote on me like he did, to put all his concern into me. I was just starting to work on not taking things personally, but I never got the chance because be started to talk to me a lot less often. I know I can get through this and that it will be hard, but I need some kind words right now...",3.6912397734424163,3.614420229074892,5.028725613593455,87.88851321585905,71.37885462555064,8.071617369414728,25.465387035871625,7.7094869923839395,1.0372620516047828,820,21,192,9,14,275,131,227,0.049,0.795,0.155,0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,4,0,1,1,7,12,0,1,7,2,15,2,0,0,2,45,44,13,0,6,8,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,14,12,0,0,7,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,13,5,28,10,29,27,11,29,0,1,0,2,28,12,0,10,17,123,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284295579591759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663085699396796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953001772636765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452415851695925,0.0,0.14365478456070427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091067760344261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010234510641406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767224639135165,0.08148460444426851,0.10951564512403213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191834567808438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122433329629978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043510077239776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877610947277585,0.12536896716436835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671721051970654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909096195660285,0.20588750367631736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458876615843708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910417352574798,0.0,0.0,0.42287083432974265,0.08797023059442713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907495668141992,0.0995929363009724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293239382830637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461397243546875,0.0,0.0,0.12245793105118745,0.0,0.0974067574304316,0.10849733613433332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383609013286016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421971148944012,0.0,0.09108859485832246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25886824643041784,0.0,0.0,0.08575904888364516,0.09167723985493656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577650521045294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650939927782389,0.0,0.1081156994203712,0.21797875060302446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720033426345327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292155770828132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830371583437483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345100645045594 bpd,meltingcandy,2018/01/22,I'm drinking and feeling impulsive I'm lonely. I had a super lonely birthday filled with hating myself and crying for hours. I'm so tempted to meet up with my sociopath friend and suck his dick for a distraction/for validation/to not be alone. My housemate/very innocent ex who helps me survive would be very hurt by my actions. I don't know what to do. My friend has been sending me very suggestive messages and I feel so tempted because I hate myself so much and can't stand being alone.. ,3.8515625,5.804229364583339,4.7004166666666665,82.73625000000001,73.0625,6.883333333333333,29.70833333333333,7.6454224807358475,2.0175458333333327,393,17,71,5,8,127,62,96,0.228,0.605,0.16699999999999998,-0.8279,0,6,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,9,3,0,2,0,10,2,1,0,0,12,19,8,0,1,1,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,3,1,0,3,3,6,0,0,2,2,13,3,8,13,1,6,0,3,0,1,10,1,2,0,1,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212701904532118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397547109235547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339781341674972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992300080410163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056649530411602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31425393645437283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015812816732034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631793018326285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028334158764646,0.0,0.21771707136293506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176954409627897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14950397588442774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503416854962155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447171681753246,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cheesybagel,2018/01/22,I can't do this anymore. nothing has felt right in months. I'm all alone and I ruined my life (I've even had other people confirm that I have). I just want to die.,-2.075833333333332,-0.31586802777777656,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,104.27777777777777,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.5159666666666665,125,3,30,0,6,42,31,36,0.255,0.708,0.037000000000000005,-0.8271,0,1,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,2,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637726446962882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34832988968285417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645255869362283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319868383882253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33723985742908336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480870618990029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28035174137499913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370186323263505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435015297335005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999520383709959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071669972620536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,glittertrash0420,2018/01/22,"I find myself splitting on my friend(fp) every time they hang out with other people. How to start fixing? It’s honestly just whenever he’s out with friends and he’s not answering a text, it hurts and my brain swings to the opposite side of the spectrum. It’s causing a ton of problems between us because I become bratty and mean, and I’m unsure how to begin communicating what upsets me because I don’t want to be a clingy asshole but I also don’t want him to think he can’t have friends? I know I’m wrong to get mad at him, but how do you shut off black and white thinking? ",2.5684033613445365,4.244063697478996,4.024109243697481,87.40692016806726,75.89075630252101,6.440672268907564,26.185714285714287,7.1686216300943375,1.1975371428571426,456,17,94,5,10,151,78,119,0.13699999999999998,0.772,0.092,-0.7461,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,1,0,5,8,1,1,5,0,6,1,1,4,0,26,17,11,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,2,14,3,16,16,1,11,0,1,2,0,10,7,0,0,3,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536867126245525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25211267387265,0.2283816275662567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308443306663025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242872956347705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422821155163878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900092273597152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792927957629861,0.0,0.10803844495141368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137134275594889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364553960294442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252532748202755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433610936485966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978686461913957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463659491659455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650034140858918,0.0,0.0,0.12058002455561763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487410780154535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24393840423005603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260907386531248,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zephandrypus,2018/01/22,"Brain scans of burn victims playing VR games show substantially less pain in related brain areas, proposed to be due to ""dissociation the user feels from their body and the regular release of endorphins during the game"". [Link to the study](https://www.hitl.washington.edu/projects/vrpain/). First of all, though this is for burn victims, doesn't BPD basically make you an ""emotional burn victim?"" Dissociation is something that we commonly do as a defense mechanism, and endorphins we achieve by cutting ourselves or doing drugs. Everything points towards $600 coming out of my wallet for an HTC Vive and my BPD significantly benefiting from it. ",11.239551282051279,12.45686282692308,9.664230769230773,56.647435897435905,55.34615384615386,12.702564102564105,44.256410256410255,12.161744961471696,6.0735179487179485,530,28,71,15,6,163,81,104,0.08800000000000001,0.866,0.046,-0.6689,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,2,1,1,2,1,8,5,0,7,0,6,5,3,1,1,13,9,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,6,0,1,0,2,6,2,16,8,2,9,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,3,46,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382729165994094,0.5403371781579179,0.4789295409142434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478188624561848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24876419125422697,0.0,0.0,0.24129555058918026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19278829390007826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846300375036512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824626052093489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318748997172945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282544005604912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027818512109142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514073850069652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107555735592201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ADHDvm,2018/01/22,"Redditors with BPD and bipolar disorder: does BPD ever come and go (with some moods)? Hello there, visitor from the bipolar side of things. I'm wondering about what it's like to be bipolar and have BPD. I've been reading through the DSM and I feel like I resonate with a lot of the symptoms listed there on BPD, but as far as I can remember, I only seem to feel that way during longer depressive episodes and during the winter (or maybe under high stress, i.e. school?). When I'm stable, I don't remember struggling with the symptoms in the DSM. So my question is-- is BPD something that is always there? Or is it something that might only occur during some depressive episodes? ",6.36671875,7.063739734375003,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,65.71875,8.9,33.1875,8.841846274778883,2.78629375,538,22,96,8,8,168,79,128,0.101,0.828,0.071,-0.7195,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,7,0,10,5,0,0,1,25,18,12,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,2,6,2,16,15,3,12,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,9,5,63,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504696381747227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.719331723310232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839742889631717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967690606776636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091534568258648,0.0,0.09996181583263147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332589308841192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155143603764419,0.08160460665113388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491848483680154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068830237411075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161219947161076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971126805184958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475752079515372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117800612442185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17375129687576138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279616600964522,0.0,0.11425905261281888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25879643228836385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560497689530108,0.0,0.10398900932604023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587680702542774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308479494135382,0.11941605441068764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374535510459815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588810111149236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906689813289041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387554611168695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Moxie_Baby,2018/01/22,"5 am ramblings I honestly don’t know if I have BPD, but I have so many of the signs. I think my Mom had it, she’s been gone almost 5 years. I know my family has issues sadly most of them have passed away now. I am left only to speculate. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I am trying to work up the courage to talk to my doctor about my mental health. Which I feel has been at a all time low since June of last year. Longer than 6 months I have been in what I describe as the “bell jar.” I have really opened myself up and tried to be honest with me for a change. I have had a lot of memories that flooded back to me. I have realized how unhealthy my family dynamic was. I suspect Narcissism, BPD, enabling, gaslighting and crazy making were all involved my family. I have also been in a relationship/marriage with a narc for 12 years before I got the guts to leave him. Then immediately got involved with a psychopath. ( there was a definitive difference in them, yet so many similarities) These are the reasons I think I’m BPD. -I get super bored in relationships -I have been very promiscuous in the past -pick fights with people to see if they’ll stay -I have had a fear of abandonment since I was a child -I have a hard time maintaining friendships - I am 36 and have never felt like I could take care of myself -I have guilt as almost my first emotion about everything in my life -I rage which embarrasses me to even type that - I experienced severe disassociation after I left my ex husband. I remember for almost 6 months, I walked around just thinking this is not my life. It was like watching a movie on a screen and I was on auto pilot There are more things I could list on here but I think it gives anyone who would read this a little of an idea of how I feel. In the past I have been diagnosed with PTSD and GAD. After I left my ex husband, I was trying so hard to act normal I went off my meds. For about two years, I lived completely unmedicated and not admitting I had a problem to anyone. That puts me back to around June of this year when I kinda unraveled. Thanks for reading this. These are my crazy thoughts I have to share because I cannot sleep through the night ( even with ambien which makes me do some crazy stuff). 😊",3.1801924469111995,4.920641658482146,4.356269305019307,85.39616312741316,74.37946428571428,7.700386100386101,23.71525096525097,8.441846121484758,1.3728908542471052,1765,52,365,32,37,578,226,448,0.142,0.778,0.08,-0.9752,0,0,0,0,1,0,46.0,0,0,3,4,22,20,2,3,24,0,51,8,2,6,3,61,75,21,0,7,7,5,5,2,0,2,6,0,0,1,19,16,0,1,16,2,0,6,5,10,0,2,23,9,69,10,59,47,6,56,0,3,3,0,20,23,0,9,28,261,88,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361156197523515,0.0,0.0,0.06285532171974209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099160241621865,0.0,0.0,0.13993894638466126,0.0,0.0,0.07384603039414712,0.12087503916591695,0.0,0.04791301491665186,0.0,0.06688167241964227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969767904817565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013657438216984,0.0,0.08314696273780342,0.0,0.08240920185598907,0.0,0.0,0.1255092721814728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977598758744618,0.0,0.08211887306813236,0.0,0.16089812242999135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884129158214368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382735012911423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063940946414758,0.0,0.22228747070305774,0.08844534664094232,0.07948369041124964,0.0,0.07546704157454305,0.0,0.0,0.06685598186764738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106455693015845,0.07539899871634144,0.0,0.0,0.12572506048217774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081792586108804,0.0,0.0,0.08354670242006361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887283224986793,0.0,0.08203658270495234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639153836363365,0.06406840007115426,0.0,0.0832246344597277,0.2561930291885196,0.0,0.11103311902197288,0.0767986723036851,0.07877650807784436,0.06940405866750625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682177184017814,0.0,0.0,0.1049304346196345,0.1593734137326157,0.0,0.0,0.0873053948421063,0.0,0.07920896483864795,0.0,0.0,0.09205380315662733,0.1254734044969265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060620133699371685,0.0,0.0,0.07375952000286676,0.07701000082513743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597778243519697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006263328113514,0.05449041583623368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520830469074266,0.09187762995205558,0.07901336455099874,0.0,0.0,0.15723986411670626,0.0,0.0503523156032951,0.08081251527285485,0.0,0.16877109682924246,0.08903696231580972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263295752577495,0.0,0.0,0.08879411600315099,0.0,0.13003525108356698,0.0,0.07865542515793073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377571596087102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997666358985912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909641220818693,0.06317462736704119,0.0,0.07236308803901606,0.0,0.0,0.0522174586344644,0.2014513961083085,0.0,0.06239855818667741,0.09166302393987344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008999673252625,0.0,0.07677947208251745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485212778670643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286174725390353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057220762146470976,0.0,0.0,0.055834234481401054,0.0,0.0,0.2530748073122661 bpd,ItsOkCuzImInsane,2018/01/22,"My friend/ex-boyfriend is having sex with a girl right about now. I am dying inside. This is what I feel right now: I'm a gay guy raised with a lot of shame and guilt for it. I really wish I was a girl, so I could get the attention from men that I was deprived. I was seeing this bi guy, who is staying with me because he didn't have anywhere else to go. We broke up quickly (as they always do to me), and he's started to date again. He mentioned he met a girl the other day. He hasn't come home tonight. So I'm sure that he's with her. And the thought of her getting the attention that I so much desire kills me. Like a burning blade through my fucking heart. And I feel inadequate, incapable of pleasing him, broken. I want to die. But that would hurt him. And I can't do that to him. I hate myself. Somebody kill me, please. Arrrrrghhhhhh",0.7734911616161604,2.7883582556818176,2.5040151515151514,94.5253282828283,82.92045454545455,5.2747474747474765,21.709595959595962,6.42735559955562,0.19870808080808144,647,21,149,6,18,213,107,176,0.208,0.695,0.097,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,2,28.0,1,0,1,0,8,11,4,2,10,0,16,5,1,0,1,24,32,10,4,5,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,11,11,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,9,0,0,6,3,26,2,18,24,2,14,0,3,1,4,22,3,1,1,9,96,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039764792266526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955307007951492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499424678475416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512246149238024,0.0,0.0,0.1010668258260178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252863998438881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091347995005148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584774546118661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107596169066565,0.14487850760761428,0.1637519954945248,0.0,0.08906352596047877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103407261870764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472149823845624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185705485663785,0.0,0.0,0.15719576941134494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776435063412454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467591063969983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656198423404008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323166374252166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520197876288715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34404730580004433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039426666447483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676638408502348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487985437189872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092216413866546,0.16703505027348906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477000095832484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441250049803247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243330114660962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021204724134512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132431464911156,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nogasmm,2018/01/22,"Looking for insight (Diagnosed BPD 19yo female) Recently I’ve noticed I’ve been numb, I don’t feel numb, but I’ve noticed I’m not stimulated in anyway, I’ve been having problems after a break up, he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I was, I know I like him but I feel nothing now and it seems the nothingness is continuing on into all aspects of my life, can anyone explain what is happening? Edit: I’ve been doing absolutely amazing controlling myself recently and got myself into a routine but it seems now that I’m gaining my control I’ve lost the ability to feel and my routine and sleep has completely downward spiralled to the point I have two weeks worth of washing and I’m behind in all my bills (I am not currently using any drugs or therapy as I’ve been fairly controlled for the last few months aside from the occasional breakdown) ",4.013850174216029,6.125028085365857,5.599303135888501,75.78280487804881,73.02439024390246,8.34425087108014,31.836236933797906,9.04235418022936,3.130396864111498,682,33,117,15,14,231,100,164,0.07200000000000001,0.8,0.128,0.905,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,8,0,15,7,1,5,2,30,30,11,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,8,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,8,4,14,2,17,22,3,19,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,3,11,78,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001687212844623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283911176016344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523734872034975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542066169938755,0.0,0.494875456022724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927926598176894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705617200044956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309846585930584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176302877085687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005901440992834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082924338493865,0.11988674818678467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388428278056684,0.07185401131701318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350698155898515,0.0,0.1605510665301153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739483452337908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112359844530525,0.33489449945512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903456584264934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407320781539785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904400449844734,0.15790481707287554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677853312928875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718243531851385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681944738256608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367209459340569,0.0,0.0,0.12702663069858333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797567108613387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DeKinny,2018/01/22,"How to recover from a mentally abusive relationship? My last girlfriend was honesty such a bully. I basically spent the whole last half of the relationship afraid of her leaving because she would treat me like shit and tell me I’m not good enough. It ended when I found out she cheated a month before, and I’m sure anyone with bpd can relate to this but i fucking hate the bitch now. She tries EVERYTHING to make me jealous or angry. I actually refuse to show up to any party she goes to and look on snapchat to see if she will show up before I go out because last time I went to one and she was there, she grabbed a bunch of dudes (not very cool dudes either) hands and went into the woods with them as soon as she saw me. Not only did this piss me off, i couldn’t talk to anyone else at the party because I was drenched in sweat from the constant emotional pain and could not carry on a conversation, then I got my friends to leave and I just started punching and breaking shit because I was drunk, my bedroom door is absolutely destroyed because I punched a hole right through it. I have been messaging countless amounts of girls in an effort to get back at her and get over her. She’s a VERY gorgeous girl to be honest I would give her an 8.5/10 and I just can not believe how far she would go to fuck with my head, she will sacrifice every bit of dignity she has to fuck with me, it even hurts me to see her degrade herself. One of these days I am going to lose it, She really has the potential to ruin my life because I loved her so much if any guy was to join her side and provoke me by talking trash or starting a fight, they would die. Right then and there, and I’m not joking either. This is probably the lowest I’ve felt in my life, Everything reminds me of her, and I’ve been so depressed that my heart hurts nearly every second I’m awake, Usually when I’m depressed I will either smoke a joint or lift weights, but this is different and none of its working. I try not to show my emotions and have been ignoring her and making only small talk since we broke up, she really thinks I don’t care about her anymore tbh, but that’s only my attempt to get over her. It’s like a bad drug addiction. Someone help me please because all this is seriously killing me on the inside, I am in soo much pain. Tl;dr My ex who cheated constantly tries to make me jealous and will go great lengths to fuck with my head, trying to ignore her and forget about her but its not working at all. Never felt so much emotional pain in my life. Update: I finally managed to get a girl as pretty (if not prettier) than her. Well guess what, she seen her on snapchat map at my house and messaged me, threatening to come over and fight us with her idiot friends, and tried to destroy my self esteem by telling me all the mean shit people say behind my back. I am beyond pissed and am considering getting a restraining order against her. I had to lie and tell her we left. Then she went and got with this girls ex boyfriend and sent me a bunch of pictures of her panties in his room to make me jealous. God I fucking hate this shit, Needless to say I flew into her and called her and said the meanest possible stuff my brain could muster. I have her blocked now but I’m sure that isn’t going to stop her ffs!!",5.9290069707716775,5.517574174962295,6.09943418531654,83.24820227467289,66.67722473604826,9.037854143736498,32.096897802780155,8.358175599149588,2.2062619461090054,2590,94,539,31,37,826,296,663,0.261,0.636,0.103,-0.9993,2,0,2,0,2,0,55.0,3,0,2,5,22,57,25,1,26,1,39,28,12,7,6,100,92,52,2,10,25,2,5,2,3,8,8,3,3,6,21,42,2,6,5,5,1,11,14,41,1,4,24,14,105,16,87,56,16,74,1,7,5,6,80,35,12,7,28,367,126,3,0.0,0.06872590395529682,0.05660407122005137,0.0632335186980581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889016288391207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752492495165459,0.0811162567369339,0.05943251369649144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920383342470431,0.048431374410715086,0.24751323695073274,0.0,0.09871519557479766,0.0653512620304377,0.0,0.0,0.06332594295437964,0.0,0.07305469718131764,0.06475225839901765,0.059229128416726076,0.0,0.05913950209853715,0.0,0.0,0.04996578170055548,0.0,0.12536461896725118,0.0,0.09262382280235802,0.0,0.0,0.03740813461808349,0.0,0.0999184637395691,0.0,0.06019956269201133,0.06060240662374595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726686001355109,0.0,0.04845535655511403,0.1957419266198264,0.05137481252901662,0.059934203283893824,0.0,0.038311456648766486,0.0,0.09774266617011848,0.0,0.10426149449118154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113869240849682,0.06354114667728063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359899254305387,0.08962833920865801,0.26812134800702736,0.15152491040888233,0.05564324750827885,0.1648266056374494,0.048651462536120064,0.09278307109517273,0.06395021852454742,0.06389854869340794,0.05743362160529706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453496411135465,0.11905880034001368,0.0,0.0,0.06873566821012292,0.03887922558596682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066929460113272,0.1241901358105404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641734378522747,0.0,0.0,0.14184434422121922,0.0,0.12283688146710088,0.06302211070760938,0.0,0.12291098214577735,0.05667618408803855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487092111817676,0.06489225179756046,0.0,0.0,0.05235136887534325,0.0,0.15487394379485736,0.0,0.0,0.06318395697346252,0.0,0.0,0.0584549411852628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629867651422602,0.0,0.12792004976737714,0.0,0.04473668299109697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861076527293777,0.13234521674896585,0.18516278487551832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021304986570663,0.0,0.0,0.0636715748474798,0.0,0.06539141209756377,0.0,0.05901147794032521,0.06253871289681462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431839699276764,0.0,0.0,0.12455035309478055,0.0,0.09907113347118936,0.05517560769390148,0.09225508879819956,0.0,0.0,0.09244422915729984,0.0,0.060511393488925376,0.0,0.2381633383347048,0.04798196119331168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914706496613605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211183470570944,0.0,0.0,0.04849439908161898,0.0,0.0,0.06640132955790272,0.0,0.0,0.10933719935152096,0.0,0.0,0.13986557461003887,0.15209559382012633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03716697199359985,0.0,0.0,0.03382291817714972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690640157570308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977232887468958,0.0,0.06388381438212397,0.09571965302749136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063391248444895,0.05215305437606172,0.16131239029793318,0.0,0.06476000595536271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445600299565707,0.0,0.0,0.16481906558849468,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dazed_in_my_panties,2018/01/22,"I wish I could stop feeling I can't bring myself to explain the entire situation. It's too much, this long saga of instances where I should have acted/reacted differently; should have done/not done things; should have opened my eyes to reality instead of using the old standby of ""do unto others..."" when really I was just turning away from what I didn't want to see. Not to use it as an excuse but my classic BPD symptoms took hold and I desperately want to use them to numb the pain of my heart being ripped from my body; numb the shame of allowing myself to be used, for crossing so many lines; numb the anger of allowing a lying, lazy, manipulating man into my home, my heart, the hearts of my children; the anger at not protecting them from someone who used their love of him against us all; the anger at relying on someone else. I want it to stop. To fuck it away. To drink it away. To smoke it away, eat it away, shop it away. Anything to make it go away. I hate this.",5.841069241639191,5.605760652849742,6.2320018841262375,81.63258125294395,66.8238341968912,9.297974564295806,29.980687706076303,8.841846274778883,2.0973046632124346,758,24,158,11,11,245,114,193,0.284,0.672,0.044,-0.9955,1,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,3,0,6,11,5,1,10,0,14,14,5,9,1,30,34,5,0,8,4,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,15,3,2,4,2,2,1,4,4,10,0,0,4,3,23,1,38,24,2,22,0,0,2,2,11,13,1,0,5,112,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716277328112313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6166844516477819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041547030001506,0.11809705256093908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486582582593006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796722013097584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191369006640469,0.0,0.0918565836319133,0.0,0.09594769872152203,0.07833082622662282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741173316443762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668666670318717,0.0,0.0,0.053290307291520685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257612582495924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333452933741561,0.0,0.0,0.09405658227111773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829814054154206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462895063905061,0.0,0.06259062382828738,0.09506566348769886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893000004951179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839335849382724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977537371074548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006994741293727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472066418021542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539874935225514,0.0,0.0,0.15889802404125086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678788136069902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746047473623223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062295049525075565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417929155878752,0.0,0.1019922597636211,0.0,0.0,0.1127909184259892,0.4049256477131159,0.0,0.0,0.16591973994803266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782815155316018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,insecurespiderweb,2018/01/22,"Is BPD hereditary? I feel that I've been showing these patterns all my life, even from a very young age. I know you technically can't be diagnosed with a personality disorder until 18, but I've always shown the signs. Also, my mom is the same way. It could be the way I was raised I suppose. Does anyone else have a feeling they were inherited BPD? ",2.2020496894409973,4.5465614202898585,4.158633540372673,82.8039130434783,79.72463768115942,7.421118012422363,24.349896480331264,8.418075326091056,1.7289113871635609,274,10,55,6,7,93,54,69,0.036000000000000004,0.935,0.029,-0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,10,2,0,0,1,9,13,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,8,0,3,7,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345732138306102,0.18048074524559965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166368261750834,0.22224284642861847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5463636934311692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317946647704424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015206889412006,0.0,0.0,0.24858973084351246,0.0,0.18981335429317767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119469791428144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432624441888806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193454373497466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920426484756315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320506588313934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25403427556806185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893914103990762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896776381212734,0.0,0.3443351510380768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,topknotdetective,2018/01/22,"I’ve been seeing a guy for almost a year and I stopped having sex with him about eight months ago. It’s not that I don’t like sex. I do. I’ve had sex with other people. & I really enjoy sexting. I watch porn and masterbate almost every night. Although, when it comes to my SO, I avoid sex at all cost. He is very “vanilla” in the bedroom and I like to be dominated.. this may have something to do with it. Idk. I was just wondering if anyone else ever had this issue?",-0.35872841444270165,1.8738053877551013,2.1602040816326533,93.00182888540036,92.06122448979592,4.648037676609107,16.722135007849296,6.297961479604792,-0.2363039246467817,360,9,78,4,13,123,70,98,0.114,0.848,0.038,-0.611,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,12,5,0,0,2,18,15,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,4,2,10,3,10,9,1,10,0,0,2,5,3,2,0,5,9,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767682088839872,0.0,0.4466063284919684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416213552650057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592739706821024,0.22849074981279646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920955082607654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628861650147588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017170587885035,0.1878878554250908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208059267369245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327549764114341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178939269662509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799717114607128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927121501551246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546007285338346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286007100827894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770282562745096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167696867582796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864387171046787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399907669868049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418349367286672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360525234978813 bpd,BioluminescentNorm,2018/01/22,"Made the mistake of asking my boyfriend if I was the hottest person he’s ever seen. It was meant to be playful but he was honest. I realized it was a trap too late (honestly it was a good day, was just being flirty). It’s been 4 hours and I still feel like I’m broken. I’ve told him it’s not his fault but been just so quiet and upset. Something inside me broke, and when he asked me if I was going to sleep with him tonight I had to answer with, “I need time to fix myself” because I feel like just that situation alone has fucking destroyed my sense of worth and self. Fuck.",2.019752066115704,3.4753992809917382,3.4645371900826447,91.7749876033058,76.85123966942149,5.831735537190082,22.01735537190083,6.2581,0.23869851239669426,447,12,99,3,10,147,79,121,0.2,0.644,0.156,-0.8073,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,13,3,1,4,0,13,3,1,1,1,23,26,10,0,4,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,5,1,1,1,1,7,0,0,14,4,15,6,8,10,0,9,0,1,1,2,11,0,2,2,10,63,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745144418068467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745088212315257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210163977385118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917758435120366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118373574948407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025564233720924,0.2861901706432543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703501219950503,0.0,0.0,0.113835682909254,0.16800298838025976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725615246116152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259482697080056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571391691896226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952966371209906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852066480810758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489512055208153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895764294127211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514673343241068,0.20044567025472187,0.0,0.0,0.15420150736704302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996064952359956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167971327744452,0.0,0.0,0.1913962037894843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lunnaris,2018/01/22,"Disordered eating. I haven't brought it up with my current therapist and I don't feel I'm ready for it yet, but my former therapist diagnosed me with an eating disorder. And today, for the first time in over a year, I've had three meals. Even when I was on inpatient care I would just refuse to eat more than once a day. And it's so overwhelming. I'm so ashamed of myself for slipping like this. The whole ""I gained weight but I'm happier than ever!"" narrative makes me so anxious. Please just tell me I'm not alone. ",0.8204615384615366,3.271432819047625,2.3942857142857186,92.2826373626374,87.4761904761905,6.6593406593406606,21.41025641025641,7.882392219407189,1.1539377289377293,406,14,87,9,13,132,73,105,0.142,0.677,0.18,0.6708,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,2,5,0,5,6,0,1,1,15,13,9,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,5,1,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,3,2,11,2,13,9,2,15,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,11,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306770364457444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887781620365944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037204608510345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776723186628792,0.0,0.0,0.1696054309598379,0.0,0.0,0.3830276830346892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5129624546969053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036956731349523,0.15115369867754425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449200050141233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421372264990901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816377979585151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154215775115496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779586154179266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342826874246326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605487364710554,0.0,0.0,0.3880375600887813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743876038740902,0.0,0.1583935480447384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348572047361504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865638757106064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870475926293472,0.0,0.0,0.10760847482389377 bpd,bornfromstardust,2018/01/22,"We have a BPD IRC-channel. Feel free to join us! We are a friendly community set up primarily for people with BPD on IRC. We also welcome people with other disorders or loved ones of people with BPD. Come join us and feel free to chat (and never leave us :P). https://client02.chat.mibbit.com/?channel=%23bpd&server=irc.mibbit.net Rules for the chatroom are in the sidebar here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDirc/",7.559269230769233,11.675665292307697,5.369519230769232,71.0373557692308,73.0,7.5576923076923075,25.04807692307693,8.472884824447931,2.3475000000000006,344,11,48,7,8,98,45,65,0.0,0.698,0.302,0.9663,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,6,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,13,7,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,6,7,11,7,0,6,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,1,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628190961311606,0.0,0.17109723411468647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5966526808983194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602692573768554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098046061603087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968977540174958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200216855000864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672056634009236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425214521599956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179121886754506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700503790822972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284282179682687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5698449063758325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tibbersbear,2018/01/22,"Wanting to have a baby...but afraid. My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years now. He has a daughter who is 8 and I've been raising her alongside him. I've never been pregnant, and I'm worried about my moods....I was diagnosed as Bipolar for 10 years before seeing a specialist who just diagnosed me with BPD. It's more believable to me as well. But I've had to go through a lot of medicine changes. Since getting off of lithium and Lexapro for zoloft I feel more stable, but I'm still worried about the depression and suicidal thoughts I have. I'm scared to know how I'll be while pregnant. I get really pissy if I'm tired and I trigger myself a lot. I really want a baby, and so does my husband. And I'm just curious if anyone has been pregnant with bpd and how you held up. My husband is extremely supportive and understanding. He does everything he can for me, and pays attention to every detail. I'm just worried about myself....I can't find much on BPD and planned pregnancies...just...""accidentally getting pregnant"" because of BPD... Edit: I'm not here for judgment. I'm asking if anyone has been pregnant and how they coped. I do not need someone to tell me I shouldn't have a child when I want one. I'm just wanting to learn about how others pulled through. ",2.3583003952569186,4.655512624505932,3.74810434782609,86.21537391304348,78.88142292490119,6.577644268774704,28.301818181818184,7.699297019823105,1.878605501976284,1006,46,195,16,25,330,129,253,0.109,0.836,0.055,-0.9512,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,1,1,18,5,0,2,8,0,21,5,0,5,1,49,47,27,1,9,11,4,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,15,0,1,7,0,1,2,5,3,1,1,9,2,22,2,28,36,5,12,0,1,1,0,16,3,0,6,7,125,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176955333925713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560921501718511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434799563485526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804144870197235,0.0,0.09497890898661923,0.1257555441673929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5623171098817829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807730758940095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613663446994393,0.2265803467606005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535576409334213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404318899664214,0.0,0.1003152851840676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056437540542673234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020170576229022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174947784982418,0.0,0.0634352232571962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06134247068441859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897876879068289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205225611365674,0.08276351746332443,0.08608687482070758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563541435289457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301101715711176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174933939835964,0.0,0.08894529333952901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923317691596112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457378032222304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913847798483901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209224823693075,0.1266630664426337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755926956393644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861242197598143,0.0,0.12828875773402876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619853383385985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633413412011881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035821083299967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400612503879958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375698585825816 bpd,KalamityJane007,2018/01/22,"How to deal with BPD gf [34] that cheated I have been with my gf for 2 years. I have watched her self destructive behaviour with drugs and doing things harmful to make herself feel good. Impulsive reckless decisions, she has a hard time opening up and communicating. She holds in alot of pain because her family lied to her about who her father is and she resents her mother for it. She has low self esteem and drive, suffers from depression, the list goes on. I have been by her side for 2 years and haven't seen my family much. I went to go visit them but for a few days or so but ended up staying longer than expected. My mom has been wanted me to help her with things. She has been homeless for the past year and staying in garages and hotels. My mom found a place and so fam has to deal with storages and moving I talked to my gf everyday I have been gone and reassure her I loved her, missed her and wanted to be there so bad. I kept her updated and try to make her understand the situation. I have been at my fams for 3 weeks and she said she has been questioning our relationship since I had been gone so long. Right afterwards she had her ex gf who she calls her friend over and they drink and she cheated on me. She did tell me shortly after and said she was sorry but she then has proceeded to just blame me. Saying she wouldn't have done it if I would have been there and she was lonely. Said I abandoned her and she needed to feel someone's embrace. She clearly has issues with abandonment and attachment. How should I go about dealing with someone who shows signs of bpd that's cheated on me?",2.7358976293103443,4.798383803124999,3.500323275862069,89.62062500000002,76.59375,6.913793103448278,23.84698275862069,7.873277556716777,1.1535905172413792,1267,41,263,20,29,401,160,320,0.157,0.765,0.078,-0.9705,0,2,2,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,2,0,11,19,5,0,7,0,37,4,0,4,1,57,58,31,0,8,6,5,3,0,5,3,2,4,0,2,9,27,1,4,6,3,0,8,2,15,0,0,24,9,60,4,41,30,3,40,0,7,2,1,67,15,0,4,15,190,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935001549365472,0.0652331316380841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695541228989297,0.0,0.10927056285520767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901347418658009,0.33097203903609185,0.09216872731633118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950977453788073,0.0,0.10483039286952583,0.12409920340998125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478030205220984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176157234235145,0.0,0.10821631760592396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173324325036183,0.08267671106183141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163404360636375,0.08975605140847595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586115913054126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172745871359923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169205711725833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094701685895726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965819301442552,0.0,0.1428618271317566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506608223067828,0.0,0.11373614003699326,0.07866566227460124,0.0793475672918677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138676315974734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215445143469468,0.0,0.0,0.1118040946941715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987721357978486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489015244936653,0.0,0.09138711649556512,0.3053769253282557,0.08509972836599825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232723729839857,0.0,0.0,0.08852090258024617,0.12028525191867565,0.0,0.0,0.1813407556412593,0.0,0.0,0.11979045605069105,0.0,0.22811974228117016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601167741979962,0.0935326451065866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421871847903433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623991844117546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726536888356256,0.0,0.0,0.1114025994205033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623614505601174,0.0,0.08583805793680599,0.0,0.0,0.09920060255575416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601779963487648,0.0,0.0,0.20673542145158896 bpd,Blueyedborderline,2018/01/23,Letting sleeping dogs lie. First visit with psychiatrist today. Some things were brought up that I had buried. I am now nervous about therapy. Anyone else hesitate with therapy because you know it will reveal things that you buried a long time ago? Also the visit triggered me. I am worried about therapy triggering me. Aren't some thing better left unsaid(remembered)?,5.23532258064516,8.832374387096777,4.7518548387096775,74.79778225806453,79.32258064516128,7.616129032258066,30.330645161290327,8.472884824447931,3.319025806451614,300,14,42,7,8,91,48,62,0.147,0.853,0.0,-0.8001,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,0,7,1,1,2,0,8,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,0,7,1,5,4,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,6,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641906478769896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481242403745397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295135172214041,0.18978474095777975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291134536272593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638163218804202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15473158915659424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755215720308466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179472990336996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012473343519753,0.1894049517786901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639181577534756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098236401857995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535861060107472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6354622529169762,0.0,0.3691654668003849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800609574529044,0.0,0.17557149380326986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810481953542132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kc50,2018/01/23,Should I do this? Ex has all the waif BPD traits but lives in a country where almost no one knows what that is. She knows she has issues but has no clue what's wrong with her. Found a very good article that explains it quite well in her own language. Even though I've gone NC since I broke up with her I feel I should send her this - perhaps it can help her get the proper diagnosis. Is it possible she'll use this or simply hate me (more) ?,1.1900241545893702,3.1624951521739137,2.1205797101449297,98.06596618357487,81.17391304347827,5.393236714975847,17.830917874396135,6.42735559955562,-0.4270400966183576,342,7,81,3,9,107,65,92,0.173,0.722,0.105,-0.7936,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,1,1,15,19,4,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,3,1,1,2,1,13,2,5,14,3,6,0,1,0,0,12,4,0,2,0,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366647841335007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976675074937511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610325207137532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950283373697725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591394437296476,0.0,0.0,0.12348019811150612,0.0,0.0,0.19823447564376406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23334117177500185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584166743548095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466821571221902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597774107350658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086964417656313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015308709647072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26644280794522696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513813694794453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550653611808413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322071802856923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041256841915844,0.0,0.1950088880947856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250200607605008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584055075266918,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hippiegirl92,2018/01/23,"Rolemodels Just wondering, do you guys also identify with role models that you have? When I was younger, I used to read a lot. Sometimes, when a book really got to me, especially if the main character was dealing with any kind of abuse, I would identify with them to the point of thinking about those books all the time and wondering what they would do in certain situations. A book could really absorb me and I dreamt off to a different place when times would get hard. Just wondering if this is a typical BPD thing, maybe because of the lack of selfimage? ",7.299455128205133,7.5381413173076925,7.281538461538464,73.73012820512822,63.71153846153846,12.31794871794872,34.641025641025635,11.855464076750405,4.294479487179487,443,18,82,14,6,142,70,104,0.084,0.895,0.021,-0.7545,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,2,2,0,7,2,0,0,9,0,10,0,0,1,2,22,17,8,0,7,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,10,2,14,10,4,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,6,5,62,15,4,0.0,0.19291644364318936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302080186121819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072396859192772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925426467228897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506754455812032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999944317422607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786146107405778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701134519769451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506733315126233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022295143339752,0.0,0.0,0.16121854188850732,0.0,0.0,0.1458557733043184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955317705729486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842472321213328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357573457726068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701134519769451,0.0,0.153918619668325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286521644717353,0.0,0.20861480198839108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18301779985585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103428535444247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817114032242166,0.10432922152111886,0.0,0.0,0.18988464939259386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062520021367558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297177904587734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34699043025983395,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yrmywaterloo,2018/01/23,How do you guys cope with sadness? My FP and i are in the middle of a fight. I am trying to give him space and be skillful so i don’t push him away but I’m not sure how to cope with the sadness. It feels like it’s taking over my body. ,-2.17251948051948,-0.4302154727272693,0.5615584415584429,105.03090909090912,94.63636363636364,3.1428571428571432,13.311688311688313,3.1291,-1.7671038961038965,179,3,49,0,7,61,41,55,0.17800000000000002,0.764,0.058,-0.6997,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,1,0,3,0,5,1,1,2,1,10,9,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,8,8,0,6,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567329242373931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217519701125771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198357148139975,0.2712518821584465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642349514671239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759545553999892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185498223819315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578550074151156,0.0,0.28548096392512096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577857937239244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Inconsistent32,2018/01/23,"Kind Words: mental health peer support server Hey guys, we run a mental health chat room on discord. We are a small friendly server and welcome any diagnoses. We provide 24/7 support! To join the server click this link https://discord.me/KindWords. We believe we can all help each other together that’s why we are a peer support server. When you ask for care you will receive it; care for others when you can.",5.011545988258317,7.861662013698634,4.156594911937379,83.83630136986301,72.69863013698631,5.815264187866927,26.866927592954998,6.868970318607317,1.4218078277886503,329,12,53,3,7,97,51,73,0.03,0.645,0.325,0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,6,3,0,0,2,8,0,0,4,0,5,3,0,0,1,11,11,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,1,5,8,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,8,4,10,2,7,0,0,1,0,17,3,0,0,2,32,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041989850006755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655451070919906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950756983825307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610880028492203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973161602777732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681091679476332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753362049557019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764537248326792,0.0,0.0,0.11869242571377958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440069147857446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569082799190033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6028419838236446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978639554454446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flanjam99,2018/01/23,"Creating a DBT support group Hi everyone, So my tiny town only has one DBT group and they always have a waiting list. The other option is a hospital regulated group, but their next course isn’t until next winter! I’m not a DBT trainer or a therapist, I just have taken a DBT group course before. I really work better when I have to practice accountability, so groups are ideal.... I just can’t seem to make it happen here. I was looking into creating a sort of DBT support group. If I started such a group it’d be similar to say, a French language practice club or a cooking meet up. It would be free, take place in a church or classroom or something, people would bring their own books (or I could maybe make copies). There would be a skill and worksheet every week we’d practice and go over. I’d cap it at maybe 10? People. Maybe there’d be something to sign confirming that I’m not an expert, etc. Now, is this a terrible idea? What are some issues I should be aware of? Would any of you, if this happened in your city, be interested? ",2.574980744544288,4.68954229268293,3.92911424903723,86.11002567394097,77.29268292682926,6.657252888318357,23.9602053915276,7.669130373188453,1.2177317073170726,810,27,160,12,19,266,123,205,0.025,0.856,0.119,0.9544,0,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,1,2,3,4,9,7,0,0,15,0,25,1,0,2,0,32,41,15,0,9,12,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,9,4,1,1,2,3,2,2,4,1,0,1,2,2,15,7,14,25,3,18,1,0,1,0,16,8,0,11,8,102,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409920429557413,0.0,0.0,0.09324988155908663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668349967761504,0.0,0.0,0.12127615239896525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948336510065784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529309164805452,0.0,0.0,0.11553394885297658,0.13102906586392252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793144742822085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24251883569888175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479773180177522,0.0,0.14312314906758647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515068564936715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306435666396895,0.0,0.4132822749016474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29166854724882396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291962753020873,0.10428994216438127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901307843729393,0.0,0.14326671496865034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784595523569416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904751351970496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483369003108645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113145470048772,0.0,0.0,0.09705796744486334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112162485359131,0.0,0.0,0.1031011328720459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921300011424025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999361529230267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982882514627088,0.0,0.0,0.3896394121386889,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eatlivemosh,2018/01/23,"I ruin everything. Caveat: I haven’t been formally diagnosed with BPD, but the last mental health professional I saw suggested it’s what I might have, after a misdiagnosis of bipolar. I feel like it answers a lot though. The splitting is very real and really extreme. I just pushed away and destroyed my relationship with my best friend because I was scared of getting hurt. I put up a huge wall around my insecurities and now I’m incredibly sad and angry that I did. I don’t want it to be done. Why did I do that? I feel incredibly hopeless and unloveable. I only have myself to blame for the heartache. Can’t even begin to imagine how they feel. Thanks for letting me vent here.",2.5041794871794885,5.254505161538464,4.037692307692311,81.55064102564106,82.0,6.851282051282053,25.58974358974359,8.021203637495839,1.8909128205128205,541,22,100,11,15,179,90,130,0.237,0.621,0.14300000000000002,-0.9453,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,1,1,8,12,1,2,6,0,15,3,0,1,0,20,24,8,0,1,2,0,3,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,6,4,19,4,13,15,2,11,0,4,1,0,4,5,0,2,5,73,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844137749268842,0.0,0.0,0.17777362776143485,0.0,0.0,0.11534364722461825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856936463077185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23830954362341186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920491412466708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363253740481895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497465737015595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005415208292976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28701821716461307,0.1351751628519004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618696289662994,0.0,0.09885697604767713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011265913339727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025584646123751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423539822964924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348505564587,0.0,0.0924408428578838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086374216828414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906841160646928,0.20072710823745768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390645831624502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021323668849632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21536798138610053,0.12121591049931282,0.0,0.0,0.203145991629286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894371243858436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420365872145205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859026792204532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561221092475232,0.11160385080942284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707370173675399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alexisreneaa99,2018/01/23,"doctor just confirmed that i have bpd i've suspected for a while, but it's still a punch in the gut. i'm kind of scared.",1.7177777777777798,2.4781380000000013,3.2231481481481516,95.9991666666667,76.4074074074074,6.881481481481483,20.907407407407405,7.1686216300943375,0.15294074074074038,94,2,24,1,2,31,24,27,0.232,0.768,0.0,-0.6946,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440868731638994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421686768292457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44985986514293375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325057700212411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34499448736714555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thowaheyy,2018/01/23,"Meds in the UK I’m on 375mg Venlafaxine and 160mg Propranolol a day, I was originally put on this 4 years ago for anxiety and depression but had a new CMHT assessment and they’ve added 30mg Mirtazapine to my daily cocktail. But I’ve been on these tablets so long I honestly can’t remember if I feel better for being on them. Has anyone had success with these meds? I’m going to ask at my next appointment to slowly reduce the dose, just to see if they are having a positive effect. But it just feels like these tablets are what my existence revolves around, if I forget to take them the withdrawals come really quick and it hits hard.",4.465555555555554,5.621863622047247,5.6156955380577465,79.9342694663167,70.25984251968504,9.738932633420823,28.284339457567807,9.994966539143718,2.728551006124233,508,18,100,13,9,169,86,127,0.058,0.778,0.16399999999999998,0.9573,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,3,5,5,0,0,6,0,10,1,0,2,0,21,20,11,0,3,8,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,4,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,4,10,4,15,14,0,18,0,1,1,0,4,7,0,3,9,62,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924905289749838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661192903108257,0.0,0.0,0.1518364520860909,0.0,0.0,0.1933096951938549,0.20300610148617868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920516841928942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705564887503304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400438991653442,0.0,0.18703112843718175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195953072856,0.15513212915760455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234114492760533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452390509795592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608860733815972,0.0,0.0,0.19217107248526366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824097851734751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097249931758999,0.23094167574246585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829590420967607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911196322462324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459888185658443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304057578247325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326990771551494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983759382696068 bpd,future-florist,2018/01/23,"I’ve lost him and don’t know what to do How do you deal with a breakup especially when you know you’ve been the horrible person/hurt the other? I feel like I can’t live with myself and will never find happiness and love and don’t even deserve those things. I keep reading a certain subreddit and feeling like my life is destined to be miserable and I’m just basically a worthless human being. How do I deal with these feelings? Can I ever be happy?",1.701208791208792,4.144181813186812,3.5194395604395616,86.03806043956044,82.5164835164835,6.277362637362637,24.48461538461539,7.554174236665415,1.402344175824176,359,14,70,6,10,120,60,91,0.153,0.6709999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.2996,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,6,9,0,1,5,0,13,2,0,2,3,22,22,9,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,6,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,3,10,6,5,16,0,3,0,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091269032962684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105527172395925,0.179483253712501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30098302513304,0.2835041610942909,0.0,0.0,0.1813532997319752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224459221929462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241390197323395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636579936369928,0.0,0.0,0.21809410566324447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015069792003662,0.1938770633033129,0.0,0.17520947527033334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660008062558544,0.0,0.17908279854716078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303459221552748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325365969123466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847480545374074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131822168659111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kilspeed111,2018/01/23,"Just discovered this sub earlier today I'm done with using throwaways on reddit, I don't care anymore. I just discovered this subreddit as of today. I am not yet diagnosed, but plenty of people have been suggesting me to do so. So, monday, I finally will. But I'm pretty sure I already know the answer. I have known it for years. But I just always pushed it aside. ""Nah, it's just social anxiety"" or something like that. But now that I have read a lot of posts here, I feel home. I feel part of a group. But it's been rough, haven't eaten properly in 2 days, I can't hold a conversation anymore. I go to college but I'm just 'not there'. I haven't really been there for a long time, in mental form. But since a few days, it just got so much worse. There's someone out there who I like a lot and still talk to, but I know I can't handle a relationship. Especially not now. And it's driving me nuts. I want to talk to her all day but it's either non-sense, short answers, me complaining about life, or utter silence. And ofcourse the feeling that she hates me and is against me kicks in every time, too. But the worst part is, I don't actually want the answer. I don't want to know if this is my actual problem, and at the same time, I am already completely convinced it is. I used to have a girlfriend, we were together for 7 years. She too had BPD, and we really understood eachother. But she got treatment and I didn't, because I always denied suffering from it. She actually became a much partner than I did, and my fear of her leaving me started to kick in. I became obsessed. Very obsessed. I installed apps on her phone to check on her all the time without her knowing. I wouldn't allow her to leave the house after a while (not physically, though.) because I would throw tantrums whenever she did. And all of it felt... Justified. Until march of 2017, she left me for my best friend. I'm glad she did. She deserved someone much better than me. She seems happy now, finally. But until a while ago, I always blamed her for everything. For the failure of our relationship. I blamed her BPD and swore I would never date anyone with BPD again. I was 100% sure that having BPD made someone absolutely crazy and inhumane. Oh, how wrong I was. I'm sorry for judging you all. I really am. Monday I will post an update (if I don't forget) to let everyone here know how it all went. I want to thank you all, for sharing your experiences, for offering advice in your threads, but also for the rants I have seen that made me feel like I was not alone in this. Sorry, this really turned into a rant and basically one enormous run on sentence about a lot of stuff. I'm just so lost in my own thoughts and feelings.",1.963561844863733,4.1395692555555605,3.6580293501048224,86.98349056603773,79.59259259259258,6.742138364779875,23.522012578616362,7.837336299996399,1.2621582809224323,2098,72,427,36,53,699,243,540,0.14,0.733,0.126,-0.8336,0,1,1,0,0,0,88.0,3,4,0,3,32,25,2,3,23,0,41,3,0,7,9,98,81,43,0,10,31,0,7,3,3,5,2,0,1,1,23,19,1,1,18,1,1,6,17,11,0,1,24,8,76,14,58,51,21,58,0,2,1,0,40,17,0,8,36,310,99,2,0.0,0.0,0.20612948478208395,0.0,0.0,0.06880366189163008,0.06241405776164863,0.0,0.0,0.07292333975031366,0.1553979759785994,0.05630670817233852,0.17575983369698026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053863320112395786,0.0,0.13965524489473102,0.04923218374061756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584234635208192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389076287987119,0.0622717646123514,0.0,0.0,0.354714817416685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178750476827964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738233573970092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622552846963554,0.0,0.0,0.07146448589150367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205369233976006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593233106871668,0.06727960102174292,0.06327980679024682,0.06887431522615108,0.0,0.07923062337852424,0.17800660461185128,0.050300789973872426,0.06760446960265706,0.1542610339355586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05439845281072864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040015523696573116,0.0,0.11262633134047127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495256339634074,0.0,0.069515120947239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062679102410538,0.0,0.0,0.08124347967986599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934769803935572,0.0,0.0,0.14910766748335927,0.07650047620271501,0.0719988120731093,0.049732538623464766,0.1031960455641527,0.0,0.0,0.06231047564824335,0.0,0.0,0.07686063669624782,0.17957973503053784,0.0,0.13324694956186714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095653869514668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552779590084054,0.0,0.054304394348626536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771151672418901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524939488539713,0.0,0.0488133042474987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486629030958547,0.07163210043543995,0.0,0.06737268935221898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704288745935789,0.0,0.18042533633779687,0.0,0.0,0.15118759457570133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409845635384273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824373127486091,0.0,0.0,0.0717739452819163,0.17897403776201448,0.05420491988449777,0.0,0.15763605946481712,0.049836433486088766,0.0,0.05622937376001352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060239929507218,0.0,0.0,0.13272084548022942,0.0,0.0,0.11318549359790996,0.0,0.06482390303926101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917729134377534,0.05589753277944635,0.16422613067480168,0.0,0.13348055443140666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658566622841778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162295678105507,0.0,0.05809547598726807,0.16611814600854385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527060919113323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787255457077161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717536225686379,0.10003423293218873,0.07698208581240641,0.0,0.0906832321033328 bpd,NLBT90,2018/01/23,"Dating, current culture, my weak mind. So i went on a date with a stunning girl from tinder. She asked me out first actually. The date went great we made out had a blast. Adds my snapchat. Then radio silence. I think i might not be cut out for this shit. Have not sent a bunch of needy texts or said anything at all, thankfully i grew out of irrational behavior of this nature. Still. It bugs me so damn bad. Felt like complete utter shit for days. I think this technology shit and dating apps etc, are being used in a disproportionately unhealthy way. Our culture reeks of it. I love technology. But damn. People are basically consumer objects at this point. This is my subjective point of view i understand this. To some degree i suspect the demands put on us in this society, are higher than what i am able to produce. I know that i am being a whiney bitch now, so what if she doesn't reply. I know... Just thought we hit it off so damn well. But I guess today things are moving so fast my childish conceptions of relationships needs an update. Apologies fellow mammals. I have no other place to vent something as pathetic as this. Take care. ",1.9144470046082949,4.686672990783414,3.038951612903226,87.07842741935484,86.37327188940094,5.680645161290323,22.957373271889402,7.1686216300943375,1.0949013824884788,897,33,169,14,28,287,143,217,0.22,0.6859999999999999,0.095,-0.9851,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,4,0,0,2,9,17,8,0,9,0,15,5,3,3,1,33,36,13,0,2,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,16,9,0,0,8,1,0,6,4,11,1,1,8,4,26,6,27,23,4,34,0,0,1,1,16,14,7,5,14,116,42,1,0.1398076993415017,0.0,0.1364321470542183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504982417005165,0.0,0.13070132623217146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673358917865112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254326717338106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658571280677288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016440007287743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592254126206898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423731614285495,0.0,0.0,0.11892035763908505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413848208854208,0.15401394288405829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366931054176405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830297993858864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618190711272262,0.13228942552567866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831387537380836,0.14116592163987016,0.0,0.0,0.1485934587978529,0.0,0.10366563756479756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692505529236947,0.0,0.1460692892599137,0.0,0.2643269314394516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405453529838769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501011475218981,0.0,0.0,0.1329891377147729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305317828502809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763079733928528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165060929109083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511799062194647,0.0,0.0,0.12871614579686091,0.0,0.0,0.09288202315400612,0.17916625710111686,0.0,0.1109916966055929,0.0,0.0,0.1325213516905402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455447455978381,0.16817144823983726,0.12074896375642598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109728442245352,0.0,0.0,0.12570391193771516,0.25920627592594925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prinsmacsa,2018/01/23,"I want to go to therapy, now what? Well i'm not officially diagnosed with anything, i've never been in therapy or anything like that. I'm an 18 years old boy. Since years i feel that something isn't okay... I can relate with EVERY bpd thing what i have read on the internet and it's not a periodic interest.. I thought a lot that i'm just faking the whole shit and i'm a 100% healthy guy but then i always realize that nope, i guess what i'm doing with myself and with my life it is not healthy... Actually i don't want to talk about my symptoms rn because now the question is something else. Since the first thought of ""eyyo wait a second, so wanting to die on the morning and cutting my arms without a normal reason then in the afternoon feeling like i'm motivated and joyful as fuck isn't normal?"" i'm thinking about i need help. But because i'm socially anxious as hell going to therapy or something like that is nothing but a fucking nightmare. I mean sometimes even the fact that i'm existing makes me feel awkward and i want to cry because i realize that other people can see/hear me and i don't want nobody to see me. Actually if i have someone who helps me about how to go and where to go for help i would be the happiest person ever. But that's a no because nobody fucking knows anything about my problems and i just can't change this fact. I mean the whole thing including me so pathetic, miserable and disgusting, i don't want to talk about it to anyone but without talking i'll kill myself once or i'll ruin my life slowly. People on the internet said that i'll be okay when i'm older but i'm getting older but the problems and the mood swings and the other shits are just growing and increasing and i'm scared because it was shit 2 years ago but now it's worse and i don't know what will i have when i'll be 20+? i mean i just don't think that i could live my life until 20 without a real suicide attempt or without jail or any other kind of shit.",2.9130113636363646,4.323263552825555,4.591442721130221,84.79770462223591,74.4054054054054,7.347942260442261,28.44356572481573,7.972316293177498,1.837668366093366,1554,64,317,23,32,525,178,407,0.189,0.6759999999999999,0.135,-0.9878,0,0,3,0,0,2,32.0,0,0,0,3,21,28,11,3,22,2,26,13,5,4,4,84,70,39,3,14,25,0,3,3,0,2,5,1,0,3,26,19,0,1,17,1,0,6,18,18,1,2,5,5,36,9,35,59,4,32,1,2,1,3,13,6,8,9,23,203,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.13989569122080994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353863758277074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059642227917776174,0.0,0.0,0.04874381660756605,0.0,0.0,0.08097626705330868,0.0,0.05011925185267509,0.0,0.17695581676992003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847264581598416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027652197821992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582631555326197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572294246471956,0.0,0.07873543199574477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275213680930434,0.07439093383627614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059878162935276674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047342952494702384,0.06483727851866407,0.060392201262679725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872836226381476,0.05120711229002661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060969668774377574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987967676283218,0.03744904142391943,0.0,0.1629461021458301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896191426513767,0.07097295318698972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078684354485881,0.0,0.14413369975635007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930160545748383,0.07464209486719471,0.07878522357755675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188586646945204,0.10505543741629332,0.0,0.06329340098440818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609384707576064,0.0,0.0,0.04784593438307188,0.0,0.0,0.2342365967062439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314867623247934,0.05528285382190643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045936089662872,0.06877742380089183,0.0,0.07521449517967747,0.07633522972707847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938564993302297,0.06258687401428598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717322812354074,0.0,0.0,0.08029628922041009,0.0,0.07169786581178722,0.08158578968088415,0.0,0.07369740375310523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818263784294967,0.0,0.07176265147876056,0.0,0.11423691846350975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294307671883384,0.11858633986190373,0.0,0.0,0.07306717205551606,0.06073293383953712,0.16554476106473487,0.07089183825930588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840461076241309,0.0,0.0,0.074501374071069,0.0,0.17283731378614958,0.0,0.0,0.24591172705446934,0.0,0.09523997907878126,0.0918573368586122,0.0,0.11380939501186105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25366690743293513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444755150960871,0.0,0.0,0.16005290081290044,0.0,0.27638194351394946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304648316650605,0.050918327537857855,0.0,0.0,0.13847575112289287 bpd,Caterworm,2018/01/23,"So did you ever leave a favorite person out of boredom? Let's say you felt crazy about this person. They are perfect. Hell maybe they are even a narcissist. (Many borderlines' favorite project.) They aren't interested in you romantically. It feels like an endless game of cat and mouse. You chase, they give you friendship and you are on your best behavior for them. Months and maybe even almost a year of this goes by, maybe you even sleep together on occasion. You date others but they aren't your favorite person so they are just sort of distant companions - they could be gone tomorrow and it wouldn't make a single difference in your life. But your favorite person? No way. You won't let go of them even if they don't reciprocate or aren't any good for you. Then your favorite person let's you in. After tireless efforts they show genuine interest in you. And you hit a wall. I am starting to wonder if as a borderline I meet this with an attitude of ""boredom"" when for others boredom is translated into contentednes, happiness or comfort. Or maybe I also feel comfort in realizing that person doesn't plan to leave and I don't know how to react to that - do I stay and risk them abandoning me? Or do I leave before they can hurt me? More importantly - why do I not care which one happens. I guess it's hard to just accept that someone would accept me like that. Even with having major flaws. Even with them knowing I have a major personality disorder.... I still feel what my therapist and I refer to as ""the emptiness"" but it's worse than it even was before I met him. Emptiness has been replaced with straight up boredom. I wanted him romantically for a year. Now I have him and don't want him. Maybe I want to keep him as a friend but not a romantic partner. I believe this also is because I experienced true intimacy with him and over the years intimacy is something I have learned that I abhor. I have considered ghosting him. After a year of talking every single day I really am considering leaving for good. And I know it was the intimacy. I never go into these things thinking, ""hmm if I f*ck him after letting him get to know me I'll get over him."" If I sleep with a person I barely know and admire I want to keep them forever. But if we know each other, forget it. I lose interest. And now my favorite person, just like every one of his predecessors, is about to be put in the corner with the rest. :-( Thoughts from anyone else? ",2.949610545790936,5.360767474468091,4.2871230342275695,82.52434782608697,77.44680851063829,7.0656799259944485,25.74930619796485,8.112205042999317,1.7980286771507863,1923,73,358,35,46,633,213,470,0.142,0.695,0.163,0.9608,0,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,1,18,15,5,22,24,1,1,19,0,41,3,2,3,4,83,73,37,1,12,19,0,5,3,3,3,1,1,0,10,23,25,0,3,18,2,0,4,13,5,0,2,8,7,79,19,55,54,8,42,1,3,0,0,63,17,1,13,22,277,102,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594544720853507,0.0,0.0,0.10533032006757256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447844578822601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046048169386434766,0.06747743468077318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04014531354302348,0.0,0.1120775102230177,0.07419735832619306,0.06911199355104036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714476036276201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258079765014709,0.0,0.0,0.0424717852775309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880568699036672,0.07547688303520604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501438444247232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044816813101613,0.059570681393232634,0.11097333701381276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989658379879733,0.04704766518567804,0.06323225644315454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088031809813418,0.0,0.06881426753604712,0.06317524475475172,0.0748551647830513,0.1104740715551773,0.0,0.0,0.07254800238930795,0.0,0.058236398810487186,0.07010512378256928,0.05899419809007767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050039831687953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707199000734365,0.0,0.0,0.2171569917550852,0.0,0.0,0.2789287253746259,0.0,0.2693696067947795,0.046516164601111167,0.0965220029886234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367621541837409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043959508761229484,0.0667678257760215,0.3308069015631888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256577125862613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079234271971253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925169825390368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175276530471835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620364632672378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04218915259304685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237147430899375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180747278449914,0.0,0.05579972408604245,0.050699301610710346,0.0,0.0,0.04661334022626108,0.07019392101271389,0.05259282710342302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293269956034665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646409602575698,0.04375191694672257,0.04219797832862509,0.0,0.052282447418397784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537471516322332,0.05227356703678813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059424955431421414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141821347256859,0.0,0.0,0.0671130694413008,0.04678233781760048,0.0,0.0,0.1696368722705481 bpd,redrum419,2018/01/23,"BPD comes out when I'm drunk Does anyone else experience this or is it just that simple fact that I'm drunk, and I don't have BPD.",2.5486206896551735,3.042302655172417,3.8994827586206933,92.9312931034483,74.17241379310346,7.179310344827586,17.948275862068964,7.1686216300943375,-0.26784137931034513,103,1,26,1,2,34,23,29,0.173,0.8270000000000001,0.0,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,6,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038134978908396,0.3082857359499675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7578922607971091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259180317738782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633009366184438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513455064781026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943170564892509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GinasGeniusExodus,2018/01/23,"Wisdom for the day: sometimes you have to lose Sometimes in life, in relationships especially, you HAVE to lose for the best things to happen to you. The win/lose dynamic sucks, in my opinion, but is something many people (not just those with BPD) are prone to in their relationships. I just want to tell you not to fear being on the ""lose"" side of that equation. I don't mean assure yourself you WON'T lose. I mean be open to it. Because you gain soooo much from that. So much that was infinitely more important, and valuable to me, than the first person I really *lost* to. Protect your life, and embrace losing in the process. Embrace getting lost.",4.433140495867769,6.4882154958677685,4.537264462809919,84.08407851239672,71.72727272727273,7.1540495867768605,27.802479338842968,7.908726449838941,1.7367976859504135,509,19,95,7,10,158,77,121,0.121,0.6559999999999999,0.223,0.9439,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,7,1,10,3,14,1,1,6,0,9,2,0,0,1,14,17,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,3,0,14,5,22,11,4,11,0,7,0,0,12,8,1,1,3,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570946927925311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033731439095286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642204409207106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009692885467717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975639533545842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564208731485633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488791859118569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982718672633518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754483312769401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6947245737477095,0.27115186198995506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591648210730394,0.0,0.2705743527780157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825984861298296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610271073409931,0.10844421730169733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956391594096994,0.0,0.0,0.26668265799693225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561308354615428,0.24566844195970355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085538397971105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251111075359795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325473502539757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghjhuhygclan,2018/01/23,"Sure this has been posted several hundred times in this subreddit before but fuck its annoying, I hate going from adoration to cold indifference. I especially do this to my partner, any moment something remotely difficult comes up I immediately cut all the emotional ties, I think about breaking up instantly to avoid any future heartache and sink the ship first. I don't cry or feel upset/angry at all when I think about or consider it, Its like I'm frozen over, I'm calm and distant and just forget them instantly. All those good memories are long gone in those moments. I've done it to everyone before and I'm sure I can do it again. It fucks with my head in such a bad way. Because when everything is okay in general I'm so adoring of her and feel like we can go the distance, having been in several serious relationships this one actually feels different.Then this steely side takes over me and I find myself not giving a fuck about anyone or my partner, they can go die and Ill be fine as far as I'm concerned. Yes it sounds really goddamn fucking shitty of me, I can hear myself but thats what goes through my mind. Ive had this discussion briefly with my psychologist that I seem to have an amazing ability to deeply disassociate, sometimes at will and sometimes when i don't want it. Like most of us, i think my past wasn't that bad or traumatic and brush it off, the evidence seems to say otherwise though. Its good in some ways, the resilience will be something ill really need in my career path but it just fucks me over with people and relationships, and I feel like ill never have the chance to be...happy, genuine happy. I've heard from psychologists and psychiatrists I may have had RAD or a disorganised attachment disorder as a kid and thats probably formed the current mess I am. I don't even know what I'm after here..nothing really matters anyway",6.388374809547994,6.951533810055871,7.006084306754701,73.8159471813103,65.64804469273743,10.866632808532252,33.311833417978676,10.735267742514802,3.651861452513968,1496,61,275,39,22,493,198,358,0.222,0.623,0.155,-0.9852,2,1,2,0,0,0,33.0,2,0,2,1,14,29,8,1,12,2,29,9,1,0,6,56,62,29,1,2,11,0,4,4,2,3,3,4,0,3,25,18,0,1,11,0,0,5,6,14,0,2,8,10,34,15,39,49,6,40,0,0,0,5,15,17,5,10,18,180,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.09275787525799127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292784022446131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646316653221891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873032767193607,0.0579433383574229,0.0,0.16176595781597533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187961830749639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441109823629724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864985691688458,0.0,0.1089388071956556,0.0,0.0,0.0972720726439722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069216684760828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278151447734323,0.0,0.0,0.09082707666367784,0.08542737732263052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224631868428127,0.13581155767329828,0.0,0.0,0.08687658773939629,0.08085191018168399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393741654333559,0.0,0.09118336013777947,0.1620621845253495,0.15945165058889432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023710639882821,0.0,0.09384501578003188,0.0975516523128904,0.0,0.10713147618239396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223856343970714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575209522649805,0.0,0.0,0.08411878582371858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959762873551112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048048781314198,0.07331062184930777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120577827403638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644102747554611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073870586249362,0.06589768161172935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103436036530482,0.0,0.10248305474577124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267987926600832,0.0,0.0,0.20410238816200008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558984569670797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17306509910462795,0.0,0.21476534159534655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635266378309014,0.1880194088233139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917238247898065,0.0,0.0714679177306089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271809487857155,0.09338894774712043,0.0,0.055426084334830136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433688140660432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606463680525544,0.15089706442152878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,azrael_shade,2018/01/23,"Can't stop I can't stop. I can't stop hurting people. I can't stop feeling guilty about it. I can't stop harming myself and cutting myself over it. I just want it all to stop. I want to be normal. I don't want every relationship of mine to be unstable because of me doing dumb stuff or reacting harshly. I don't want to lose any more friends. I don't want to get abandoned. I don't want to react like I do. It's getting harder to hold on. There's only as much as meds and weed can do. Everything is falling apart, and there's nobody else to blame but me. I don't know what this post is. Maybe it's a cry for help. Maybe it's desperation. Whatever it is, I hope it works. ",-0.32827961321515176,1.7363097739726072,2.22653505237712,94.39602336825142,88.24657534246575,5.0791297340854165,19.547139403706687,6.522977012572876,0.06745979049153927,521,16,121,6,17,179,76,146,0.138,0.623,0.239,0.6499,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,2,0,1,0,19,0,0,2,1,27,30,7,0,8,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,8,2,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,0,1,18,3,16,28,3,11,0,3,0,0,3,3,1,2,7,76,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877901740884227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786961421759759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14180664877933838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078437166811211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876952670978904,0.0,0.11602377809219268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527516387933509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997397801543758,0.0,0.1348953813985968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865307880689174,0.0,0.0,0.12822213912256958,0.0,0.0,0.13820067349734882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094816301679809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307012035300366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444261711230248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593899477737158,0.0,0.14339731651569013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490091901574607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648734345875584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818384779911182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894993879916741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236389405459462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860152877431964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6475836655001201,0.0,0.0,0.14778482052747247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568674247094656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398392568553167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BitchfulThinking,2018/01/23,"BPD = Opinionated? DBT is supposed to train us to not have black-white thinking, but... I didn't have much success with this (eg. I got pissed off and quit). I think it's safe to say that people with BPD are ""highly opinionated"". I imagine those who aren't diagnosed get labeled as such. I realize I have an issue with dealing with (some) friends of my friends. Friends = cool. Friends of friends? Sometimes cool, sometimes OMFG I HATE THEM SO MUCH. But I'll grin and bear it because I care about my friend... For the time being -_-. Same goes for some people's significant others. In the past, I would just drop everyone and disappear. Burn the bridge *and* the towns on either side, as I like to refer to it. But, this is becoming increasingly difficult. How do you all deal with things like this?? ",1.2161228175797731,3.875143390728482,2.1689373871161948,91.73728326309453,91.9139072847682,5.394461167971102,22.7576760987357,6.980632752743323,0.951871523178808,616,24,123,10,22,193,98,151,0.107,0.6759999999999999,0.218,0.9511,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,1,1,1,2,5,17,2,0,5,2,11,2,1,1,1,29,17,11,0,1,6,0,0,2,6,1,1,1,0,0,11,9,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,3,15,14,20,13,8,11,0,0,0,0,13,6,1,4,4,81,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091704127617476,0.1466008455714017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343626396749881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533722535084447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736981190532312,0.0,0.13472825476940528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683871036311456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6153273350742728,0.0,0.06935114506748842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616426378284828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105321907058048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024704476399535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854602054244566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970006891787056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19515827253571005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267153018062426,0.18405033517705255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118527576615886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556013577558457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262566408766972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818652432981072,0.17010879989910396,0.0,0.0,0.07740173212376962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966981562397478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942946517561968,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OsKarMike1306,2018/01/23,"This might be my lowest point yet Long story short: My ex that I still consider (or considered now that the dust is settling down) my best friend for the last 2 years, 3 months of which was actual dating, has found a partner. I'm happy for her, I really am, but...since it happened, she slowly drifted away from me...or I did. It's hard to say anymore but the facts are that she was the first and last person I talked to every day for those 2 years and in alot of those days, the only person I talked to. She saved me from a pit of despair after my best friend vanished out of thin air (I literally don't know what happened to him, he could be dead or homeless and I wouldn't know) and even though she left me because she ""didn't feel that way about me anymore"", we still stayed friends because...I had no one else really... And now, I'm back with myself, alone and abandoned for what I wish I could say was the first time, but even though I had suicide attempts before, this feels...somehow worse. I can't even feel the pain from the cigarette burns, I don't feel joy anymore and I can't sleep. I just feel...so alone... Every one around me kept saying how great their holidays were and I sit here like ""none of you called me..."" but I still had her, I thought her having found a partner wouldn't change our relationship, but it did. The worst part in this is that it's 100% my fault: I kept telling her how lost and depressed I was and when she found an option to finally be happy without having me to drag her down, what I kept telling her for 2 years, which is she'll eventually grow tired of me and leave, is actually happening. I drove her away with my eternal cynicism and now, I have to face what I was afraid would happen. Oh the irony... I deleted my Facebook, not because of her, just to get my bearings and isolate myself a bit...that doesn't seem to make sense but I couldn't stand seeing all this happiness on my feed coupled with hers, it just crushes me even more knowing that I can't feel happiness as much as I can feel brief euphoria only to go back to a depressed/numb state for days on end. I don't want to die...but I don't want to live either...not anymore, I'm too tired of fighting myself, my insecurities, my paranoïa and my self loathing...",4.765864004990647,4.882722445414849,5.139940736119776,87.34560043668124,69.08733624454149,8.114909544603867,27.929195258889575,7.7094869923839395,1.386770180910792,1752,53,383,18,28,557,217,458,0.173,0.701,0.126,-0.9567,1,2,1,0,2,3,85.0,2,1,1,6,25,24,2,2,17,0,42,6,2,3,2,67,74,28,2,9,12,1,7,1,5,5,3,3,0,5,23,20,1,4,13,1,0,5,16,11,0,4,21,11,73,13,48,42,9,53,0,4,1,0,41,15,0,6,29,260,96,0,0.0,0.0,0.14019796555817166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879536353825784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849575047616569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394690673459974,0.0,0.0,0.1349795847498977,0.11047081682088787,0.0,0.08757788093749594,0.0,0.061124885944427915,0.0,0.15076932793361744,0.0,0.07842340822749744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334987684478739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599015440411165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147061619351432,0.079482230113351,0.0,0.13897969498677226,0.0,0.061869954916878925,0.0,0.07455167124022936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060007542416987275,0.0,0.06362302253401464,0.0,0.0,0.1897809879733338,0.0,0.12104538286662925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21792658594178613,0.0,0.0,0.0786899184226208,0.0,0.12220281337230783,0.0,0.2362846657642955,0.16649479281130256,0.0,0.037529958027443536,0.0,0.040824545447260316,0.0,0.0,0.0791965166188086,0.0,0.0,0.2540879595217261,0.3058717265794143,0.06434856774501058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843318366594653,0.11710752752771035,0.0,0.07606114059467729,0.0780471396839985,0.0,0.0,0.035094143996521755,0.0,0.06343015981289653,0.06357024999175419,0.0,0.0,0.0784145817934166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047949315680843686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762038274718086,0.0,0.0,0.057336690766432274,0.0,0.0528057739338408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735226746669726,0.10926499183794593,0.07643574386405975,0.0,0.0,0.07778851268606893,0.0,0.0,0.12544421248255352,0.0,0.0,0.06790572975319095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920365605984861,0.0,0.0,0.0771221298091653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713742777213125,0.0,0.0,0.05724187578779553,0.06539437955027395,0.07493784525901838,0.0,0.0,0.05942128541109672,0.0,0.07188522233001178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656478819625216,0.1720986066764818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857402056737199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547384366118342,0.12557101968306308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115179377868187,0.05702765218438606,0.04188660122381025,0.16512372626957827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473833621126887,0.05701796581087629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260480183563311,0.06924478134303197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320431559939282,0.051028347393235515,0.0,0.0,0.138774957378254 bpd,freudianMishap,2018/01/23,"Putting unnecessary emphasis on little things. Last night, my boyfriend and I went out into town. I made the impulsive decision to invite someone else along since I hadn't seen them in a while. I knew it'd put me in a bad mood, so I made sure that we left after about 45 minutes. My boyfriend and I were trying to figure out where to eat, and by the time we got to the restaurant, we didn't have time because we spent those 45 minutes somewhere else. Instead of just accepting that I had made a silly choice and moving on, I got hysterical and cried for over an hour about how I was ruining everything and how all I wanted to do was get dinner etc. In that moment, I genuinely felt like if I didn't get to go out for dinner with him our relationship was over and I'd lose him. Rationally, that makes zero sense. He told me himself that it wasn't a big deal. The thing is, I didn't even really want to get dinner that bad! It wasn't a special occasion and I didn't dress up or spend extra time for these plans. Yet I put so much weight on the plan going EXACTLY how I had it in my head that I had a complete meltdown when it went a little off track due to my own behavior. Does anyone else do things like this?",4.76365333333333,4.720354192000002,5.683600000000002,83.99913333333333,69.08,9.066666666666668,27.86666666666667,8.841846274778883,1.8308266666666664,948,28,206,15,15,313,139,250,0.08199999999999999,0.863,0.055,-0.7587,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,5,0,1,3,13,11,0,0,13,0,19,6,1,7,3,38,39,17,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,18,18,5,0,5,0,2,8,7,4,0,1,26,3,32,6,33,12,5,41,0,2,1,0,13,21,0,2,14,142,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090561694613821,0.1185563629462964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932224382077138,0.07053442955435461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213174761190344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709963667976096,0.0,0.11928970951637916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125671662895924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839801395075746,0.2899771765221216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904483536478872,0.07642394166007822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399075197579537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109767850916796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813577231370008,0.0,0.13151887184817573,0.0,0.18508427067725894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187496327106772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394892169920275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431733860497432,0.0,0.0,0.1257169142945757,0.0,0.0,0.11305801880544185,0.2319393204214185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944748384364918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32845668751840523,0.07723588634175241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297912971174856,0.08505858104189395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085839761212165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34895503479398304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412540964073047,0.0,0.0,0.12422692519789798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571472670934984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803888325548664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905327642750977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23061345632082156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024105282063699,0.0,0.0,0.1105638063351496,0.0,0.07855803283325159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649497206521144,0.0,0.0,0.14090098573968993,0.0,0.21452466674567505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kaase22,2018/01/23,"How to let people in? I realized recently that I have a pattern of dating narcissists (literal, diagnosed - and others with glaringly obvious traits). I just met someone so easily and he’s exactly what I’m looking for. He’s so sweet, always complimenting me, and we’ve been texting each other novels since we met. My problem is that I’m used to choosing people who are wrong for me and the more they push me away, the more interested I am. That, on top of having BPD has me curious. How do y’all stop yourselves from splitting when someone good comes along? I’m at a point in my life where I see the patterns of where I’ve gone wrong and I do want a serious relationship. I just want to stop the cycle of dating people all wrong for me, but I don’t know how to let people in. I already want to push him away because he’s too perfect. ",3.42296703296703,4.869122285714287,5.183333333333334,80.91807692307694,73.16666666666666,8.502564102564103,28.399267399267398,9.057496981413335,2.3946075091575096,656,26,129,14,13,224,98,168,0.076,0.784,0.14,0.8618,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,2,13,10,0,0,7,0,12,2,0,4,4,30,26,12,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,3,1,0,4,1,5,0,0,4,3,20,5,22,20,4,21,0,0,2,0,11,11,0,0,6,89,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794882233052104,0.0,0.11909661229765894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689529206484644,0.0,0.0,0.08725144215692535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026871753421972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329484256704795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452751403476919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005164754544145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866115632145984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29272266912177103,0.10109778917796447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019414727087842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969165683864826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530523434137232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695721419033804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132477816062658,0.15366932782641207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405702354952525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839959568413595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425491779132861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393281600590004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361938867575108,0.0,0.0,0.2532674447451532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694744465510109,0.0,0.0 bpd,digitalzelda,2018/01/23,"Ingrid Goes West I just watched this and I was like... ""does she... have *BPD*?"" Definitely seemed like symptoms in her character. Anyone else watch it and relate?",1.0103571428571456,1.5750328928571449,1.3678571428571438,91.48964285714287,130.78571428571428,4.257142857142857,17.785714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.3759142857142863,123,4,22,2,8,37,25,28,0.0,0.812,0.188,0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561332205609945,0.3753289846321665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613559752108053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205612899642474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060058988703717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35792217598639203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33347584469126657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38073746458016544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vamanospests,2018/01/23,"How to talk to SO about paranoid thoughts? I hate a lot of things my SO does because they trigger certain thoughts that make me deeply uncomfortable. The littlest things can convince me that they're cheating on me, they never liked me at all, they're trying to trick me into doing something. The problem is that they're totally normal things that I can't ask them to stop doing. I don't want to make them change her behavior because I have irrational thoughts. Any advice for how to talk about these things without implying that I want her to act a specific way around me?",7.573608562691134,7.438532064220183,6.650963302752294,79.73528287461775,63.220183486238525,9.468501529051991,36.51529051987768,8.841846274778883,3.057420795107034,461,20,85,6,6,140,66,109,0.233,0.731,0.036000000000000004,-0.9623,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,7,7,3,0,4,0,7,0,0,5,4,21,16,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,18,3,16,13,3,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,3,63,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097467880572406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898283014221947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575676988856518,0.16356952300529307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331521014962654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18509075102633016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311386172140756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274262952479694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854795140222919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874977422579266,0.0,0.0,0.2335822297022664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494450914719808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714294595968732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741876239692913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469731860404682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462793493598919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812619689319781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649583492696885,0.0,0.0,0.4167102062700335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187903793129334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639887381537925,0.13887980879477832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866090987627114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,violentyetflammable,2018/01/23,"Boyfriend advice? I'm so horrible to my boyfriend and he's only so sweet with me...he's the love of my life, but I can't seem to control how I act out sometimes. Maybe it's just a me thing or maybe someone else in this community has a similar issue? If so, please tell me what you keep in mind.",0.6827083333333306,2.3723576875000028,2.7668750000000024,94.22395833333336,81.5,6.141666666666668,23.166666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.6265916666666667,228,8,55,3,6,77,49,64,0.044,0.805,0.151,0.7673,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,12,6,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,7,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,0,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393098208397824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27467201384909595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457942638092072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556081013204512,0.0,0.2176750753797848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729774924862934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102846364554016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920624803893962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472754414093114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862546644419406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688225860901752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294438529020716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074998322970094,0.0,0.2422086933738157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21405015221516635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269821361694664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GreenThumbSeedling,2018/01/23,"I get so tired of being told other people dont feel like I do. It feels like being told my emotions are wrong and it feels invalidating. Just because other people feel different doesnt make this feel less real. I'm not saying I have nothing to work on, I'm just saying ""none of my friends would care"" is fucking hurtful. All of your friends are men anyway I'm your girlfriend and a separate different person.... Is it invalidating? I'm having difficulty explaining why this upsets me",2.9315217391304316,5.65299693478261,4.671913043478263,77.95352173913045,79.65217391304347,6.723478260869566,25.50434782608696,7.908726449838941,1.90432695652174,386,15,66,7,10,130,58,92,0.246,0.722,0.032,-0.9606,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,4,9,1,1,1,0,12,2,0,1,1,15,28,3,0,1,3,0,5,2,3,1,1,2,0,2,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,7,8,5,5,23,3,1,0,1,0,1,12,1,1,0,2,43,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098424570841123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461932015681985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373828532288229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18923002028771416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162086672431305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081953583595636,0.2306942378225329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494873264697148,0.14926724934175165,0.08435623180179004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284636327552022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776248636842108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777586229520178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492530874694854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238721901748532,0.1409807207702347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377692790974656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25679908453849354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855746190681352,0.0,0.30856406602713626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145692615635504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754486682304438,0.0,0.0,0.11469661378300405,0.17653125946636808,0.0,0.0 bpd,malibuhall,2018/01/23,"Newly budding relationship - when/how to discuss BPD? So I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD and am overwhelmed with happiness for finally feeling understood, and for having an explanation behind some of my overly clingy behavior in relationships. I was dumped and broken-hearted about three months ago by the man I thought I was going to marry. I’ve put a lot of work (and therapy hours) into working through the breakup and have been doing a lot better. I’ve also been dating and met a guy with whom I connect very well. I am wondering when I should bring up my diagnosis. How do I explain it to him without scaring him off?? Thanks!",5.442419962335213,7.3056251440678,6.323333333333334,73.0797645951036,68.74576271186443,9.312241054613937,34.29755178907721,9.725611199111238,3.7050591337099803,509,25,84,12,9,168,83,118,0.023,0.823,0.154,0.9191,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,1,2,6,0,12,1,0,1,0,21,21,10,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,10,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,3,1,1,8,1,11,4,20,12,3,15,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,4,7,66,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882713532301456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426408051788816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848783545139158,0.0,0.0,0.4229110558261909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040799931934342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489181438620362,0.0,0.0,0.18391872437031798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954175385127832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624060115349873,0.0,0.1787253656538959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989541750033816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534091985331473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854734812972792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401069967745938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16877897447357262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577421741231196,0.36050879247439305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809031872700872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545734428393178,0.19200043350093174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328839645322815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852942071849847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509560927752462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184299220535245,0.18207294457992926,0.2444564057880136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,meandblah,2018/01/23,"Anybody else have trouble sleeping? There is literally no way that I can sleep without my SO. I don't know why but nothing helps, I get sleepy and get to bed, thoughts rise and make me uncomfortable, then I no longer feel sleepy and get up. This goes on and on. I am only able to sleep after the sun comes up. What can I do? ",0.930341151385928,3.04773017910448,2.232409381663114,96.10507462686569,83.02985074626865,5.0226012793176995,21.51172707889127,6.18269132825596,0.020865245202558842,250,8,58,2,7,80,49,67,0.189,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.8953,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,3,3,1,0,11,15,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,8,14,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,37,11,0,0.2243655499496957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327105459816685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742862702442167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344596348504403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35166521850643073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038749870846713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330543858630927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976574681846985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528479634907785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706401110356373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6735827521997616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812118478493044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809093019334649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024550110007235,0.0,0.0,0.21628038364818555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheEvilicious,2018/01/23,"TW: childhood/sexual abuse .....my parents were my first sexual contact So....I just understood that because of ""old style"" spanking (lowering pants and underwear, hard hand across the ass), Ive developed sexual PTSD towards my parents. I have come to the incredibly gross conclusion that my parents were, in fact, the first people to touch my body in a sexual manner/context (Im not sure how to formulate this, basically it was always in the context of ""discipline"" but touching your kids private parts isnt discipline, its harassment). I dont know how to cope, I feel dirty and tainted. I want to remove my skin, I dont know how to explain this but I just feel so horribly nasty. My PARENTS have been the first people in my sexual discovery. MY PARENTS. What the fuck?!?!?! Not a loved one, not a friend, not a crush, not anything like that. NO. My parents have been the firsts to trigger sexual feelings against my consent. I had a very early sexual awakening but my parents ""weaned off"" spanking quite late, like pre-puberty kinda late. I feel so disgusted. ANd to add to that, my mother has always grabbed and fondled my ass without consent (despite me saying I hated it and to stop). She continued because ""she made me so she can do whatever she wants because thats her ass"". I dont care what you think, okay, but all spanking did for me was teach me that adults can touch my private parts if they believed I did something wrong, that it was okay for adults to touch me sexually and I shouldnt say no because thats lacking respect, that I do not deserve consent or the right to say no, that adults should be feared and never trusted, and that violence is the only way out. Because of this, it took me an incredibly long amount of time to believe Ive been raped and abused in one of my relationships. I took me two years before I seeked PTSD support for the sexual trauma. IF YOU READ ALL THIS: THANK YOU <3 IM LOOKING MAINLY FOR SUPPORT, HUGS, FRIENDSHIP, EMPATHY, ANYTHING ....I need something to hold onto, I feel lost.",4.092495078740157,6.1441072152231015,4.910655347769032,81.06196727362206,72.64829396325459,8.017093175853018,30.80388779527559,8.751876143730069,2.6865124015748028,1583,72,286,31,32,512,184,381,0.21600000000000005,0.679,0.104,-0.9954,8,0,2,0,2,0,82.0,0,4,1,7,8,24,5,1,16,2,29,10,6,5,5,60,55,22,0,8,16,8,13,2,1,2,0,3,0,4,22,12,0,4,11,1,0,4,16,10,0,7,16,17,52,14,35,36,7,30,0,1,1,7,30,11,4,4,16,199,74,2,0.0,0.17235209678027602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103843351131753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197052022272693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22168510246712464,0.0,0.06188994964860015,0.16388910716270155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078934475391839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741555701897671,0.0,0.0,0.06265255709810537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25572563484205296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184421609429282,0.183878535758342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474647060578723,0.0,0.0,0.0561929029103569,0.06723996900880874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515398034965633,0.0718082268953707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712703282155532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994369407874016,0.0,0.16409072119018564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710667928895645,0.0,0.0,0.06436592085775897,0.061076931670128176,0.0,0.0793960502981191,0.0,0.06564386698247046,0.06882119355382206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393018285004532,0.056095741727350636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632046112062937,0.0,0.09857076767666663,0.05531629825332734,0.0,0.0,0.5653253730933048,0.15752429011506955,0.0,0.1008470323910547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700406609418291,0.0,0.0,0.07735990301040767,0.07275212267327848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07808742146400938,0.0,0.06211310656337341,0.0,0.17351926724051606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198597176765766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080757678540762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507182253643884,0.06854946417501903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696225906331603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466040108998597,0.0,0.0,0.042410870803905806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616168345648241,0.0,0.0,0.07104902567953045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060011880357003076,0.08579895537456887,0.05773162564767819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701114769301135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795215056748849,0.0,0.046837306889130285 bpd,isthevoicereal_,2018/01/24,"I’ve been told I’m selfish and manipulative Hello, I don’t tend to post about this kinda stuff much since I’m bad at wording things. This stuff happened a few weeks ago and I’m still trying to come to terms with it. Basically, I think I finally broke my FP a few weeks ago she had been helping me for a long time, keeping me feeling happy because she wanted me to be happy this was until she found out about me self-harming, I think her having to deal with the fact sometimes she hasn’t been able to help me enough that it’s brought me to hurt myself has just crushed her. Even though I don’t see that as the reason I self-harm.. I got a call from one of her friends and I was basically told all I do is manipulate her into helping me by constantly making her feel bad that I do all of this shit to myself. I was called a selfish manipulative person to do this to someone like her. Now I just feel this is the way I am, me and my FP don’t talk as much as we did anymore and it’s crushing me because I love her and care about her so much, she told me this isn’t the case but I feel like it must be because she just doesn’t seem to want to speak with me much anymore. This is just making me feel terrible about everything and I just don’t know how to process shit or even attempt to let her go. I don’t know if I should just let her go, or if I should just try to explain myself fully... I just feel empty without her here and I don’t know how to go on feeling like this... :( ",2.8315801548609123,3.4394129968454266,4.211879839403502,90.52964654430744,73.60567823343848,6.899283051333524,25.13464295956409,6.7829847944221076,0.6998151419558365,1148,34,269,9,22,381,138,317,0.112,0.794,0.094,-0.8705,0,0,0,0,0,2,26.0,1,0,0,1,21,17,2,0,9,0,33,3,2,8,4,63,70,21,0,7,14,0,7,3,1,3,0,1,0,1,19,15,0,1,16,0,0,5,10,9,0,1,14,9,56,8,37,49,10,23,0,2,1,1,34,4,2,6,15,194,75,0,0.0910573503557574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143369400848906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060884742595448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205816815798426,0.1665231468392997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859594710706538,0.0,0.09283903734197213,0.0,0.0,0.07843784456266907,0.0,0.0984006470182189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938761299019491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408658408154576,0.0,0.12028504225530699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183647508790959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222893261498538,0.13010277857654395,0.0,0.09974887646660964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983968471324746,0.07035068300733438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155249971873918,0.0,0.07282688132675931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052171419807863,0.19386448531650696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310146761068932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974787768487532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093595682872189,0.0,0.0,0.15012821520025585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862246201259968,0.0,0.13345806569819052,0.0,0.0,0.0805828896571347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218281381238701,0.0,0.12156297686876295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677505188179847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617028171838109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950776608491379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720777106434115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362212174600468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256091899864575,0.082895191888974,0.18998535058251945,0.0,0.1869381232217994,0.07532358117497759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715259746416259,0.0,0.09005804783226379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271851761768243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847776175427807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318844902482971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049445748640026,0.11669174674661995,0.08946338440111176,0.0,0.053096273256256286,0.0,0.0,0.2610276013258455,0.0,0.12364392746020254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074159689088464,0.07227708634161586,0.14608142792137024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777603635382511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PoopyBoyMcJones,2018/01/24,4 day Separation from FP She’s leaving for four days on a no-phone vacation and I’m crushed. All I can think of is that she’s not going to be able to be my friend and that after she comes back she’s going to forget that I even exist. Need something to help me through these times but I’m in so much pain and I’m really unhealthily attached,1.9218018018018024,3.25373775675676,3.7308108108108087,90.28153153153154,76.83783783783784,7.095495495495496,23.144144144144143,7.793537801064563,0.8955117117117113,270,8,62,4,6,91,54,74,0.117,0.8270000000000001,0.056,-0.6448,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,10,12,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,8,1,11,10,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,39,12,0,0.29026827834508234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231983888558324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500404196844231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743980524740997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171946026159456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426055180781387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32993230363721954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456070838200112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073521953366956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21338058327980144,0.2152302504168786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308865913594466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595329185191756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22346270189505024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18599219224414915,0.0,0.0,0.16925776737867784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Captain-Info,2018/01/24,"girl i been dating 2 months cut if off i did my best but i guess she coudl see through the cracks and totalyl just texted me that she isn't interested in me. 28 years old i am and never had a girlfriend, i have had sex 3 times in my life and i had to pay a prositute for each time. i can tell from day 1 that god put me in this hell to suffer and i cant take ita nymore, its always the same no matter how hard i try or what i do. im going to shoot myself tonight. I wasn't good enough for anybody. wiping my phone and computer drives and then i guess that's all there is.",0.13075520833333346,1.6833126484375,2.0293750000000017,99.51145833333337,82.671875,4.891666666666667,16.916666666666664,5.46131890053228,-0.8653614583333336,441,8,113,2,12,146,92,128,0.225,0.726,0.049,-0.9743,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,4,0,13,2,0,1,2,18,18,11,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,3,0,0,6,2,21,3,11,12,5,17,1,1,1,1,6,4,1,4,10,75,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004554430516624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396897508706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729790169752316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599632737000276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980392314234726,0.1915695187490557,0.0,0.0,0.5032125894620835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459986633982272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24670917832752734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132435676974222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230521172849865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615472144687924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239665421214082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22960320892868916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200374220655116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172697247203567,0.0,0.19963003640669247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663615776432111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506734072160944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470809101424893 bpd,Dogsncatsnstuff,2018/01/24,"My problem with an employer's questions about mental health Today I found myself in an interesting conundrum. I reapplied to the place I used to work before I left for college. I interviewed, passed a drug test and everything. They asked some general questions about mental health along with their littany of other medical health history questions. It was a general question. I answered that yes I was diagnosed with depression (i feel like I shouldn't have had to answer this) and that I was seeing someone about it. Also I included that I was perscribed medication that I was no longer taking. They didn't ask me to elaborate so I didn't. 2 days later, today, I called hr at the company to ask if my information was properly sent in. They said I was not cleared but recommended me to reach out to the center for drug testing myself, which I then did. This is where I found out that the reason my info was not yet sent over, was that they believed I was medically unstable since I was not taking my medications as prescribed. Now, this is a legitimate concern, but I object to being questioned about this or have this come in the way of my job for a few reasons. First off, I was taking one ssri, at a medium dosage at the time I went to school. I've been on heavier prescribed cocktails that will fuck you up if you stop taking them. This is not the case here. By a month into the semester I was running out and asked the student health center about prescription refills, but they told me my insurance hasn't been established yet; there was a problem with my admission, yada yada. So fuck. I was out of medication soon after but without health insurance to refill, also I lacked the money to see my home doctor to get this straightened out. Months later, I got my insurance card from the school and by that time, I was near finals, and I was scared to pick up taking the dose that I had before. So yeah, I let things slide. However I was really broke and very busy with school, every day left me exhausted. I could barely afford gas or pay a copay on a drug refill. Also, subsequent visits to the health center on campus, the staff were much less than helpful in finding me help. Basically, it feels like they assume that I just woke up and decided to say fuck you to my doctors recommendations and to better mental health, by choosing not to take my meds when this couldn't be farther from the truth. Secondly, I feel that this isn't really their business. I understand their concern about stability as an employee, but I haven't fallen off the cliff because of not taking my medication. Im not a danger to myself or others. I have not been impaired mentally. In spite of my situation, I passed my hard ass science courses with As and finished out the semester. I take care of myself well, within the means that I can. I am not unhygienic, lazy, or incapable. I just don't think that this is entirely my employer's business to judge my mental state based on the fact that I had a lapse in medical insurance and couldn't take my meds. Now they need a doctors note saying that I'm okay, with or without the medication, and for me to fax that info to them. I am not sure I even have the money to see my doc atm, money is very tight. But I guess I will just have to scrounge! Anyway. This may take some time but I know I will eventually be able to show them I have seen my doctor, and that she says I'm safe with it or going back on it and then will be safe. **TL; DR:** I'm aplying for a job and they asked why I'm not taking my medication as prescribed. I say it was because of losing health insurance. They still need clearance from my doctor. So basically, yeah. I am mad because I don't really feel that this is their business. I'm not an unstable individual and have spent years in therapy working out the worst of my problems. I haven't been suicidal for years. However I understand that they will do what they can to make sure I'm not mentally unstable and so on and so forth. What do you think, is the employer completely in the right? Or do I have a reason to feel upset?",4.608816285998014,5.87829733081761,5.716391923204237,78.92068520357498,70.03144654088051,9.000331016219793,28.53856338960609,9.368774924056119,2.49551572327044,3218,116,610,68,57,1069,309,795,0.116,0.809,0.075,-0.9872,9,0,3,0,0,0,89.0,0,4,18,5,32,28,6,2,42,4,74,33,1,6,5,127,133,49,1,12,34,0,7,2,0,7,29,5,1,0,43,35,1,4,30,2,6,11,27,16,1,3,41,16,112,12,103,77,7,83,0,3,4,4,47,42,4,19,30,459,155,24,0.04383690252728526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516906533970012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049079315807683,0.0,0.0,0.03370787215297514,0.0,0.08016770670364268,0.0,0.0746039506205727,0.04938917759441288,0.0,0.03877017791728606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447623787398858,0.0,0.04469464370296938,0.0,0.0,0.0377616099426362,0.045962158267886084,0.0,0.0,0.03500019962681393,0.0,0.0,0.056542351187272265,0.0,0.03775665991190828,0.044493533305645545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434463632642035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251066890860165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028953860683597663,0.0,0.03693448104934065,0.0,0.03939778137173166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082627534670196,0.06263418384903975,0.0,0.04802118398777359,0.04006613473748865,0.03728764689561681,0.0,0.09612980193317898,0.0,0.12157953002411605,0.0229029722690779,0.0,0.024913521928071388,0.0,0.03506037552832728,0.0,0.04829129034989543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03926925421928718,0.0,0.0,0.3727726198442121,0.0,0.0,0.05876590344358481,0.0,0.0439719874774262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047351377179709664,0.0,0.08700272322661193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02409161519495355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525784572188227,0.04482620287516352,0.0,0.04283299257471165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490422808826299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029261472836089687,0.0,0.0,0.04775123808055374,0.09738583277108996,0.3974496067817133,0.26506372318795457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998039473766736,0.0,0.03222516729620587,0.06500901553721397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029705019660443012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458002329319204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583798624682696,0.0,0.0,0.24553681688502324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424912680106272,0.13521491047156567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743647523753553,0.04169893285311819,0.13944345749651904,0.04388838683928956,0.1330958570944292,0.1047970071940301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03626233876862171,0.049274515134885004,0.0,0.0,0.03714286525524323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03500820698472547,0.03664961339936914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479504563476609,0.0,0.08263152368706943,0.0,0.3625588464375445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050131318463888436,0.0,0.02912329016725728,0.0561778341658807,0.0,0.0,0.07668495117207554,0.0,0.08310451576278546,0.04188803895400803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091271523044611,0.0,0.03786100893865328,0.0,0.07234007111367621,0.0,0.034795692786301936,0.0,0.0,0.03941463997238023,0.04063724782592648,0.03955598613686021,0.0,0.0,0.08451441942557661,0.0,0.0638275742697059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056459055956532375 bpd,starvingarthoe,2018/01/24,"I think I avoid finding a job because I'm afraid of people and not being in control I don't think I'm much of a control freak and I'm a pretty ""go with the flow"" kind of person, but I can usually read and keep a sense of control over a situation. If a loved one gets upset with me I freak out but eventually calm down amd we can talk it out. I can't do that with an employer or a customer or client. When I was working it was in retail and the amount of verbal abuse I went through was traumatizing for me and I still don't feel recovered from it. My family and my therapist more or less tell me to get over it since I need an income and I need to be able to pay for insurance. I'm super annoyed with my therapist because I can't just ""get over it"" and she should know that. Maybe I'm just being a big baby? Idk. I just wanted to vent about this because it's become a huge stressor in my life ",0.8566208476517758,2.5487076288659836,3.2720962199312744,90.7996792668958,80.95876288659794,6.372966781214204,21.602520045819016,7.3871296695380915,0.6315289805269186,696,21,160,10,18,241,105,194,0.159,0.746,0.095,-0.8922,3,1,0,0,1,0,13.0,1,0,0,5,6,10,1,3,13,0,14,2,0,3,0,39,33,15,0,5,10,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,15,0,5,5,1,2,3,5,6,0,1,4,1,22,4,27,25,4,17,0,0,0,1,6,11,0,4,3,109,31,5,0.14287060643340865,0.16927830624913728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612777868143406,0.15778936003222713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807246009479471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468569258706456,0.0,0.07223967139413577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058114596086534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393198528390684,0.0,0.08119665809052341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417770315889359,0.12698995950585054,0.0,0.14877775107913788,0.07851794890665355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091373450971576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894630034704552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353272727705438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050263346312233,0.21187348872698344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968128204396343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904848941392894,0.12474910276146647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535076965294222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290926924854688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181840420258253,0.16059254767490433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409665085120607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148339816087883,0.1248752072996847,0.0,0.0,0.3317675716404325,0.0,0.1830914314805692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573517883791583,0.0,0.08426878532419715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244248352312538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401150306423164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tscxcvi,2018/01/24,Runaway - Sasha Sloan This song definitely describes how I experience BPD. Wanted to share it with you guys! It’s amazing!,3.1750000000000007,6.002828285714287,3.8765476190476207,76.62053571428574,99.4761904761905,5.90952380952381,29.059523809523807,7.1686216300943375,2.598038095238095,98,5,15,2,4,31,20,21,0.0,0.633,0.3670000000000001,0.8513,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6401048303522451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4971518493029127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5032330573204442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997704703841525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lady_azkadelia,2018/01/24,"Just been given a diagnosis of BPD Saw a new therapist today & found out the last one I saw last year did actually give me a diagnosis but didn't tell me. Not really a shock, I told a therapist 20 years ago that's what it was.",3.9425850340136033,3.8671855714285748,6.6738775510204125,76.30564625850344,70.83673469387756,11.431292517006804,26.537414965986393,11.20814326018867,2.812668027210884,179,5,41,6,3,66,38,49,0.0,0.926,0.07400000000000001,0.4769,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,9,2,4,0,2,1,0,8,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,7,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.2144477193952717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947982215063535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23810282901175595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767718445682419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24094837372516495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108075845199992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35825687059512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122393028563335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891066110035214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077972132299368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920742479105261,0.0,0.0,0.5103015096584234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083006260241684,0.20998388973110046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283028102445081 bpd,CyberPinUp,2018/01/24,"I’m sorry I’m not a girl enough. I was born a girl. So there’s that. People who weren’t get more love for being girly than I ever have. I’m too fat to be attractive. I’m too smart to be cute. If I knew what it was that makes me a 3rd strong friend I would do everything to change it. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 17, and almost blackout drunk, with a guy I didn’t like. My first long term boyfriend was only long term because he was so abusive I was afraid he would kill me. When I finally decided I didn’t care and was leaving he raped me. My family didn’t know for years afterwards. My dad still thinks he was a good guy and resents me leaving. People I thought were friends told me I was lying, some who were in the same house when I was being beaten and just ignored it. I was so messed up from that that my next boyfriend convinced me he could go out with other women because “He was looking for a threesome for us”, but they couldn’t know about me because it wouldn’t work. Every other guy until my husband used me for my holes, but I wasn’t good enough to be seen in public with. The man I married loves me. We were acquaintances/friends for 15 years and he originally thought I was ugly and unattractive. He had to tell me we were on our first date because I thought it was another situation of FWB. Often I have to remind him that I tell him he’s attractive and need the same in return. I don’t really have friends. I have people I call friends who will think of me as an afterthought. They won’t kick me out, but there are always other people they think of before me. I have never had a real best friend. I have never had a girls night. Never had movie nights, never been invited to the party until other people have declined, or people want to invite my husband. He’s (my husband) noticed this phenomenon as well. To the point he’s stated multiple times he doesn’t understand it, even in himself before we dated, why I get ignored all the time. I just don’t know what to do anymore. People always say “Hang in there, it will get better.” But it doesn’t. My birthday is in 3 weeks. I asked my husband to set up the party for me so I don’t have to do it this time. Apparently we’re not having a party. It hasn’t changed in 39 years and I’m so broken. I just want to be the girl. To be weak and taken care of for a bit. To have someone tell me I’m beautiful and wanted. To hold me and bring me flowers. To show me affection without my begging, and to just be able to be hurt or upset without being alone in it, or told they’re not going to cater to my emotions. I desperately want someone to cater to my emotions just for a bit because I’m not as strong as this life is forcing on me. TL:DNR I am so horribly broken, have had a lot of bad in my life, feel like I’m all alone, and nothing ever gets better. My brain hurts, my heart hurts, and my body is disgusting. ",2.22420901473172,3.6341779089403983,3.7915191242059763,89.83416745506149,76.20198675496688,6.453791052844981,23.41924584403298,7.043009809895983,0.7087442627382083,2243,67,490,23,49,746,237,604,0.131,0.705,0.165,0.9463,3,2,0,0,0,1,64.0,5,0,3,10,25,40,5,2,21,0,74,12,4,4,8,87,118,37,1,11,19,5,1,2,5,6,4,1,0,9,28,22,2,3,14,2,0,4,25,15,1,3,38,4,80,25,67,62,14,59,0,3,2,4,56,16,0,8,39,337,108,2,0.06483549174708922,0.07681945574223273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492337951733089,0.13430003217748854,0.0,0.0,0.10789664599306356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798566620748835,0.0,0.0,0.0642993859967746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606124326354897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413492742852001,0.19761556993874047,0.0,0.11034045623432738,0.0,0.0680408485566049,0.1146834472998998,0.14156712948536465,0.07201761521566649,0.0,0.07237785117425989,0.06620428611632738,0.0,0.13220820979033807,0.0,0.13717470677801752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176586444807146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586240319372532,0.0,0.1339847891883047,0.0,0.042823230820866615,0.1172948283743926,0.054626698128752274,0.0,0.058269959365642277,0.0,0.06112113140815821,0.0,0.03278277271588385,0.04631848825886435,0.0,0.07102411207513662,0.0,0.16544710847654334,0.0,0.0,0.3005504405544601,0.0,0.13549547380646765,0.0,0.07369500818872891,0.10876186875677528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259199075333008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683036989102235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481145249638822,0.2082232046243838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717308654408727,0.0,0.10689567200882193,0.0,0.0,0.13730284850838362,0.0,0.0,0.09159045046851112,0.06335069260088146,0.0,0.0,0.11475473988446483,0.05444548383169683,0.0,0.0,0.055120816544249496,0.11703312529670346,0.0,0.0432781941970264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807469560293376,0.20002051286654632,0.0,0.06895328101564642,0.12168743385596167,0.0,0.062211402954214325,0.07381563708080699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049310313072813416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146413649938661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129049638394509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379698390374212,0.04153527622083452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155978534337514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287780922434405,0.0,0.0,0.10986980351637103,0.0,0.0,0.072578024850975,0.0,0.0,0.05177770746064441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000723258079894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463189550736035,0.0,0.15441641475744894,0.11341828989282254,0.0,0.0,0.12390618165660465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749603345514486,0.07798911358820516,0.05599704794495077,0.0,0.0,0.15296661144840265,0.0,0.05200712066294032,0.0,0.05829489351016898,0.0,0.058503946786114314,0.0,0.0,0.12499820076855114,0.0,0.04720101017886082,0.0,0.0,0.09211454623199386,0.0,0.0,0.12525579291008684 bpd,goodyoneshoe,2018/01/24,"What medications do you find help? I know everyone’s different, but I want to hear some feedback. ",3.4800000000000004,6.391074777777781,4.964444444444447,75.50000000000003,79.0,10.266666666666667,31.222222222222214,10.125756701596842,4.19368888888889,78,4,14,3,2,26,17,18,0.0,0.7979999999999999,0.202,0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41877533723808497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830041140900205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36634549678948175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4517573132770739,0.0,0.26866360122304395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028216085436875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40378759490533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364161364665253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Tzarruka,2018/01/24,Feel like I just discovered whats wrong with me But oh god now I have to see a therapist. I can’t just go in and say I think I have BPD please confirm or deny because they’ll think I’m an idiot but what if I bring in a list of all the things I think are wrong with me because I can never remember them on the spot or when Im not going bonkers but its too hard to write down whats going on in my head and they’ll think I’m fucking nuts but dealing with people like me is their god damn job but what if they tell me they dont think I have BPD one therapist told me I didnt have anxiety when I asked about it and then my therapy went no where and now I’ve used up my works therapy allowance but its affecting my work and I need to fix this I can’t keep taking days off because I dont want to go to work and I need to actually concentrate when I’m at work so I’m not useless I need to prove myself to my team but at the same time I need to stop blaming my faults on mental illness that I’m not even sure I have its cowardly to do so and I dont even fit all the symptoms therefore I’m just trying to find an excuse right why do I want something to be wrong with me so badly why can’t I just feel normal people things why can’t I just love my boyfriend normally instead of constantly swinging between love and indifference or annoyance why do I always have to be afraid that I won’t find the perfect partner or get depressed that they dont exist oh god this post has been going on too long and everyone will complain about the lack of formatting and punctuation but this is the only way to get my stream of consciousness out why am I even considering posting this online you FUCKING FILTHY ATTENTION SEEKER ,3.1001074815595366,3.95176730684932,4.529931506849317,87.58924920969444,73.1917808219178,7.916754478398316,26.36722866174921,8.263242389622931,1.4789704952581664,1357,45,302,21,26,453,172,365,0.185,0.72,0.095,-0.9863,1,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,7,6,22,20,5,1,11,0,31,7,1,4,6,72,69,31,0,11,22,0,3,2,1,4,2,1,0,1,17,15,0,2,13,1,0,7,15,14,0,1,4,5,48,6,38,59,4,38,0,2,1,4,20,16,3,6,14,198,65,6,0.0,0.0,0.07517985734673713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410339228565176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893533464975965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720219337841183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432512257199917,0.1408884765780407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940581867777374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832527940759439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968438070932988,0.07942478376109148,0.06635437777119588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36116089107062377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265243913655127,0.0,0.0,0.07361495342367902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790740556486858,0.0550373405143144,0.0,0.0,0.14082619841933938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244434550596544,0.0805003661643443,0.0,0.21891783455994127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901264400344606,0.0,0.0790651929490997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321634320142482,0.0,0.07645024185892862,0.06847662847128941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752756355303781,0.0,0.0,0.06817791266583663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906308712863455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763812822642366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284965240863024,0.05941794243671751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096554615903168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220424955090302,0.058592337389951364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681957276988624,0.0,0.0,0.08456670714490848,0.0,0.0,0.14756591193749788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727122127208048,0.06579167823979012,0.0,0.06126524352282195,0.0,0.0,0.06139084884509983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593091010058458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06440883008041247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260922114580404,0.0800739840651461,0.05792443870573277,0.0,0.06733629342673979,0.0,0.1762037453144439,0.1788985903330187,0.1023638108989008,0.24682037813378985,0.0,0.0,0.044922602010784664,0.0,0.0,0.07361495342367902,0.0,0.05230505460842806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653776302711759,0.0,0.0,0.09088029206129553,0.06115070955268885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141678580982695,0.34758276465148696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434394277420447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526932045735466,0.0,0.0 bpd,ExtraterrestrialNap,2018/01/24,"I had the most interesting conversation today.... so let me preface this by saying I have been diagnosed by several different doctors in two states with borderline personality disorder. however, for reasons I will later explain, I will be calling it “BPD symptoms” instead. so I had my first Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy session today. if you haven’t heard of if, pls just look it up bc I’m too tired to explain. sorry y’all. so this guy’s name is Bill & he is fuckin AWESOME. you know how a lot of therapists and honestly just most doctors in general just like.. all talk in that super soft & lowkey (ok maybe highkey lmao) condescending voice? ya so this guy doesn’t do that which is so so great bc that shit is SO annoying tbh. anyway.. so I went in not rly knowing what to expect and had a lot of questions, all of which ofc my manic ass brain decides to forget about as soon as I sat on the brown leather couch in the office. he asked me several questions, and then he said something I’ve never heard before.... he said borderline personality disorder the way we know it to be doesn’t really exist. he said that (which I kindof already knew) BPD symptoms are trauma induced. he said that it’s a defense mechanism, much like any other, that’s our brains way of dealing with trauma. he said that with time and practice and patience, I can be cured of those BPD symptoms as if it were the flu or something. because BPD symptoms are not chemical or anything, they’re developed over time because of trauma and abuse and neglect and several other reasons, and each individual has their own specifics. but ya man idk I’m like .. floored by everything he said today and I wanted to get some other opinions and experiences before I go back for my first actual session on Monday. anyone have thoughts or experience with this? I’d greatly appreciate it! thanks in advance :) ",4.5606779661017,6.772519757062148,5.612000000000003,75.84444067796613,71.76836158192091,8.335819209039547,31.856497175141243,9.029198982220553,3.0652198870056497,1510,71,258,32,30,498,196,354,0.079,0.831,0.09,0.8774,2,0,2,0,1,0,53.0,2,5,1,4,18,18,4,0,8,1,25,15,5,4,3,61,50,32,0,5,12,0,2,3,0,2,9,10,1,5,25,18,0,2,13,0,1,4,6,8,0,3,17,15,24,10,35,27,10,31,0,1,3,2,40,11,3,15,16,170,49,4,0.0,0.08642751587994969,0.07118348370394548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049626647827475,0.0,0.0,0.15807105710069255,0.0,0.04960488267899772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051004615172567005,0.0,0.060027255018541115,0.0,0.06819342747889548,0.0,0.0,0.05608995506905821,0.0,0.08893279778662176,0.0,0.12414109734639014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674850754877046,0.16286077065450896,0.07448467233143813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752027604212051,0.0,0.07403731308376381,0.0,0.07621166342524753,0.16720184211143044,0.14932393850820366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555797342924131,0.1427077848868884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409341233492588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038110583773739666,0.0,0.041456141734956216,0.0,0.0,0.16084353086579067,0.0,0.14445339988728548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026546271091597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459087579820703,0.0,0.106911255837466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125515825372544,0.0,0.0,0.1240299140670651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328273386533443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536227317326388,0.0,0.05625943286456128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273849591105661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342946792225765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046730228826402986,0.14999855659033734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163225598242288,0.05800853603394503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24722017108149916,0.07487666411537283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231275434519064,0.0,0.0816555953792639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30326980342740434,0.0,0.05863016938770903,0.0,0.0671576594270289,0.08341859692095603,0.08469439381146916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790992663523579,0.08506925713958682,0.08383917720381055,0.20742907772475888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125635150236595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04302466124083303,0.11580018080780385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762044766107313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rogey95,2018/01/24,"is it possible for your FP to be someone you haven't talked to in a year? I'm somewhat new to this sub and I just recently learned about the whole FP concept. When I first read about it, I instantly thought of a guy that I had a very complicated relationship with for 2 years. I knew he was most definitely my FP during that time, no question. I haven't talked to or seen him in almost a year, but today, I started to realize that he's still the person that I'm constantly thinking about, obsessing over, wondering what he's doing, etc. Every night he's always in at least one of my dreams. I've even been dating someone new for about 7 months and that's going super well and it's such a healthier/more stable relationship, yet all I think about still is the old guy. Yes, I am fully aware of how silly/crazy this sounds considering the fact that I haven't seen him in almost a year. **So anyway, is he still my FP?**",2.523322192513369,4.27521947058824,4.112510026737969,86.39464739304815,76.21925133689841,7.4557486631016054,23.452205882352942,8.278499904357787,1.2922516042780754,719,22,152,13,16,240,110,187,0.027000000000000003,0.856,0.117,0.9482,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,2,17,3,0,1,10,1,12,0,0,1,2,22,23,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,12,4,0,0,8,2,0,1,4,1,1,2,7,3,17,2,23,15,6,28,0,0,2,0,17,6,0,7,21,100,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26842231170782604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152325771661298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483824456569008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947829055245418,0.08852520230147906,0.0,0.11292561094090192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400540055269905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761720377405233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654204990495562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698104596460332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889299881069383,0.0,0.12577758021935326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064138485088432,0.0,0.09082183904752368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702936533482627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510980915653229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501436829080375,0.0,0.13406574244145406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233793432477445,0.28779498794627784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271254736429453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486675024274464,0.0,0.32110832880644313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215455625556591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176134777808127,0.0,0.1064044296599512,0.07815366305459845,0.0,0.12704426795551113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058835123616838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050859176688468,0.0,0.0,0.14963911920138526,0.0,0.0,0.14534924524606704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452423429759711 bpd,ParasiteRebellion,2018/01/24,"What do you do when two of your Favourite People start dating each other? Apparently, if you're me, you go completely scorched earth with an entire community of people who have done nothing but support you. I wish I could cut out this monster inside of me.",6.685624999999997,7.461854645833334,6.629166666666666,76.0325,65.04166666666666,8.9,32.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.718741666666667,205,8,36,3,3,65,39,48,0.108,0.8220000000000001,0.069,-0.2469,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,8,1,5,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33130069865931416,0.0,0.0,0.2522855981217227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32335888606053675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957962662952667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031928698889947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381237150756071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365340475965065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585721782249538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086681119431653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36336324897022304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Eivetsthecat,2018/01/24,"New to BPD... Is it normal to look forward to your next favorite person? So I just stumbled across the whole favorite person thing, and realized that my favorite person is always my significant other. I'm single right now after a long relationship and hating it. I got kind of excited reading about favorite people and it gave me some hope for my next... Then I realized that that type of thinking might be very flawed. Is it? Should I be avoiding having a favorite person?",4.309224137931037,6.822711919540232,5.062744252873569,78.13480603448278,73.48275862068967,6.648850574712642,28.11637931034483,7.6454224807358475,2.0364034482758617,375,15,60,5,8,121,58,87,0.058,0.7140000000000001,0.228,0.9398,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,1,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,13,15,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,9,3,9,9,3,10,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,3,8,48,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411560310130808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181383201968214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852321652343466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099834534283326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202587848361553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036030668339104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327583536050388,0.14544370061423295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373697311123105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727685967135913,0.3683986128733864,0.0,0.16969843526593645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007451247008293,0.6049234181680261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17324606295370668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595111507056125,0.0,0.14791116430037704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506584766766954,0.1109790492644671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290747294055753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933707134529276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,champeo,2018/01/24,"Getting past a person you're fixated on In the past couple of months, I've been very obsessed with a person I'm fixated on but have only met three times. I want to get past this obsession and building of my identity around them, it greatly dominates my thoughts and I want to move on. In the past, I've only gotten over people I've built my identity around by finding other people to build my identity around. I don't want to keep doing this. How do you all deal with this?",6.6175,5.68760825,7.2625833333333345,77.19075000000002,65.45833333333334,10.596666666666668,32.74166666666667,9.888512548439397,2.9819066666666663,376,13,74,7,5,125,57,96,0.057,0.8759999999999999,0.068,-0.2575,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,2,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,16,15,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,4,0,9,1,18,11,1,16,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,6,47,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41323313739113343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120813183818312,0.0,0.0,0.15952200665014368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142234134585946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168227772876045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705926927196304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753300500300078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350569049088055,0.164455740794748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353614776687895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5908372125415747,0.2145435189225013,0.2702122126973697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284000813367192,0.09022553512089876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767019200943408,0.2737950146300107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,steelserenity,2018/01/24,Does anyone want to chat? I'm feeling really lonely. Could use some friends/acquaintances right now!,4.122156862745097,7.339545529411764,3.278823529411767,81.6480392156863,93.70588235294115,6.972549019607843,23.31372549019608,7.793537801064563,2.3295254901960787,82,3,12,2,3,24,17,17,0.156,0.6709999999999999,0.173,-0.3149,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340483059874421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814381031110958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180752330493021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24156070361797616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060537507253153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079890473204979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126156874936308,0.0,0.0,0.2817846023258309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Slight_of_hand111,2018/01/24,"So Narcissistic Personality Disorder (covert subtype) and Borderline Personality Disorder (quiet subtype) seem to overlap at every point except at their the very core. How would one differentiate the two? I am a 21yr old male that has been diagnosed with BPD for a little over a year now. For quite a time before my diagnosis I figured that I had a Cluster B Personality Disorder, with my guess being on BPD, seeing as I displayed the underlying maladaptive coping mechanisms such as significant sensitivity to rejection, splitting, etc... At the time I knew that I wasn't AsPD, HPD, and I knew that I wasn't NPD however I was only aware of the Exhibitionist and Malignant subtypes. I did end up meeting either 8/9 or 9/9 of the diagnostic criteria for BPD which led to my diagnosis. Recently I heard of the Covert subtype of NPD. After researching this subtype it really seems almost indistinguishable from the Quiet subtype of BPD. Covert NPD utilizes a nearly identical list of maladaptive behaviours as BPD has, including splitting, significant sense-of-self issues, idealization/devaluation, etc... Apparrently the contexts in which these two disorders utilize these bahaviours can show slight distinctions from one another, but I'm not really able to find any information on how they actually differ. The only clear separating point of these two disorders is that at the core Covert Narcissism the individual is disgusted by who they are so they project a facade (deeply hates and therefore hides their real semse-of-self), while Quiet Borderlines project a facade because at the core they don't know who they are (lacking a consistent sense-of-self). Is this really all that separates these? ",11.40811011904762,10.914795336805556,11.280079365079365,50.83000000000001,55.70138888888889,15.173015873015876,44.529761904761905,13.925175675911133,6.805897023809524,1379,69,196,50,14,460,162,288,0.07,0.907,0.023,-0.9162,3,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,7,1,6,3,2,0,22,0,18,1,0,4,3,31,28,14,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,17,6,0,0,8,1,0,1,4,3,0,5,9,5,21,0,36,17,5,26,0,1,1,0,16,16,0,5,9,138,38,3,0.08445689694273058,0.0,0.0824177483622542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457138251465746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743358607145794,0.08856042037695352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148414047571242,0.0,0.07186659875387492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318525257276586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572197259315734,0.0,0.08823948157095769,0.4839746044938731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074803742556146,0.0,0.1883835305272075,0.0,0.0,0.07115857827034698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719207373995987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930387937371718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338370056556572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815105781751352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046415301821055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464799835954982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862330616213454,0.0,0.11446035826013393,0.12846655179695932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212335142680456,0.0,0.0,0.15967813298493394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983030590352722,0.0,0.0961304386886602,0.16231575247187158,0.0,0.08339099677498088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730121219204756,0.15377277399489558,0.2643208886282158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849499158336013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750634873783875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696857850195365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999575640136302,0.0,0.0,0.054387472602982836 bpd,SurrealAndMilkk,2018/01/25,"On a brighter note, does anyone else feel this kind of thrilling ecstasy from time to time ? It can come from a music, an idea, a work of art, or just from the situation. I had a moment like this when I heard this song a few days ago https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-T1WHF5QqQ . I just wanted to share.",5.91209090909091,7.5980190727272765,4.361590909090912,88.28238636363638,67.36363636363636,7.6818181818181825,22.84090909090909,8.07648339933343,0.8047272727272721,239,5,48,3,4,68,41,55,0.0,0.745,0.255,0.9241,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,4,8,4,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,29,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636920459203124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080001801079064,0.3047964501918928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256246824274764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184560656678748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26032080454908474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485006901475396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504113894875446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33581103758203057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30977256447572576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453303810156375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343723437685508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34691803372720786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754574023722514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656403464549906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,purlessence,2018/01/25,"Trying to save a marriage I have BPD. Or maybe bipolar. No diagnosis, but symptoms of each. And it's destroying my marriage. My wife (who has major depressive disorder) said something to me this morning along the lines of ""I love you less than I did."" She backtracked a little after talking to me for a while, and ended with the sentiment ""I want a future with you, but if you keep treating me this way (ie, yelling at me so often and being unkind for reasons that aren't always clear) then I'm going to have to leave you."" My heart is breaking. And I understand where she's coming from. I want to stop and I don't know how. I'm enrolled in DBT and have been for almost 6 months, I've completely changed my diet and prescriptions in an attempt to stabilize my mood, and everything helps a little bit. But I need more time. And she, reasonably, is running out of patience. Is there some sort of magic bullet (maybe a DBT skill I haven't learned yet) that I can use to improve my behavior, like, IMMEDIATELY? Or, spouses of folks with BPD, do you have any success stories about living happy lives together without divorcing due to mental illness and emotional instability? I could really use some support and inspiration here. <3",3.5150979623824448,5.9520212543103455,4.696865203761757,80.17101880877743,75.68103448275863,7.494043887147336,29.079937304075237,8.438071523408619,2.466605172413793,969,43,171,19,22,318,148,232,0.083,0.75,0.16699999999999998,0.9728,0,0,1,0,1,0,39.0,0,5,0,3,8,12,1,0,9,0,17,6,1,5,1,47,32,21,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,18,1,2,6,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,3,2,29,8,30,27,7,22,0,1,0,1,18,7,0,8,11,123,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340190746126642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136364709680996,0.0,0.0,0.09101419213112136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461160511841126,0.0,0.3371276723119685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158248846046256,0.11528928549349987,0.14032623064782965,0.0,0.0,0.10685847381070478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527417264458642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338954313312192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054934325764782,0.11854043361773295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028465076769893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760630213218466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247266813182208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15859826077283706,0.08970855625174544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896105362840408,0.0,0.0,0.07355367280234762,0.0,0.0,0.1417147477193813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538631585078745,0.2682809733184869,0.2363621956075088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079370534851205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689158187541608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348768732009768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682793609852524,0.0,0.0,0.09923892232490453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573982630420049,0.2752147916012305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273102545622505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030347624133838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189426904321473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187738024432004,0.0,0.1391085648530098,0.0,0.10757363414937438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804181055983259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908669796574266,0.0,0.0,0.1393297146718807,0.0,0.2311855175259312,0.0,0.0,0.15788182828250197,0.1062340976901692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290147195031441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JazCruz,2018/01/25,"MMPI Test Has anyone taken this test? Just wondering, how it went for you guys. How the questions were and if they were invasive. Idk I hate talking about myself and what I go through.My pdoc already diagnose me with bpd but wants me to take this to affirm it. 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Long story short; posted to /r/aspergers regarding the similarities, misdiagnosis and co-morbidity of BPD and Aspergers and one user was kind enough to suggest posting here, so here I am :) Been diagnosed with borderline-BPD, but some things don't feel right, although I did/do exhibit some traits. After some serious google abuse, came across to Aspergers and how BPD can resemble Aspergers in females and probably vice-versa. Since this is all rather confusing for me at the moment and I relate to more Aspergers traits than BPD, I would appreciate if any of you could maybe share your experiences with the subject. I am aware that reddit cannot compensate for a proper assessment. Also, I am aware that the confusion arises from a possibility of BPD rationalization, so that's what I'm confused about, if that makes sense. Personally, I don't feel empty, don't self harm nor I'm suicidal, I think I have a stable sense of identity and don't usually overreact to abandonment (real or imaginary), but I did get out of the dysfunctional relationship where my reactions were erratic and was also diagnosed during the last couple of months of rl. Thank you in advance! 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Reflectly is a journal app that prompts you to express your mood and reflect on why you are in that mood. It’s keeps track of your entry’s and after 6 days it creates a chart that allows you to see when there is a dip or spike in mood. You can make as many entry’s per day as you would like, so you don’t need to sum up the entire day with one emotion. And the entry’s only take a minute or two. I would highly suggest anybody that wants to know more about their personal BPD pattern to give this app a chance. It couldn’t get easier, it’s customizable, helpful, and even a little fun. 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I was adopted as an infant and I was just wondering if anyone here is an adoptee? How do you think it interacts with your BPD? My previous psychiatrist said that that is an added thing that complicates my BPD. I could certainly see how that would exacerbate issues with abandonment and identity issues :( FYI, in the vast majority of US states, adoptees are not allowed access to their real birth certificates. The birth certificates we get are ""amended"" to list our adoptive parents, so that we have no info about birth family, medical history, etc.",6.47388613861386,8.809817514851488,6.6248391089108924,70.05230816831684,66.92079207920793,10.990594059405945,34.40717821782178,10.9516,4.6037217821782175,463,22,72,15,8,148,74,101,0.084,0.871,0.046,-0.6258,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,4,2,1,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,3,1,20,16,7,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,7,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,12,1,8,11,2,6,0,1,1,0,11,2,0,2,3,55,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715989286422356,0.1989959558764053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892133410711133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506466922810075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622414970408057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660077726879767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830883754324405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146918752212318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054194671244372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19565092157433026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156524888091908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210588970371491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474269572679455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476400544286872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290276456926266,0.1244449655397061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336164233107547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061760459913367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796458143656926,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beatrixxkiddo525,2018/01/25,Originally posted to aspergirls but ... coming off meds and away from planed care route advice I just really hate people coming into my home and I feel I do go out when absolutely necessary- because of this I have started to come of my medication and come away from the home visit situations I don’t mind going to therapy one to one but I don’t see why I should be made uncomfortable with the care plan that has been thrust upon me . I guess I’m just wondering if other people struggle with the help given from the NHS ?,6.339636963696371,6.6013196138613885,7.448267326732676,71.64421617161717,65.73267326732673,10.693729372937293,28.71452145214521,10.504223727775694,2.9357709570957087,415,12,76,10,6,141,68,101,0.109,0.78,0.111,0.0799,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,4,0,8,1,0,2,0,23,25,7,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,11,0,0,2,0,0,7,2,2,0,2,3,2,11,2,17,20,0,17,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,3,3,54,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544679409215136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27968413699660005,0.0,0.0,0.0907327730166732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035089161639949,0.0,0.0,0.5128572176327971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525904655714988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691808103107108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396637247701998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695077565245165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976573356359164,0.0,0.2986015583778716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083800995110826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533003792643425,0.1499427738860866,0.0,0.0,0.15028810804544773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171854107816145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063767659060356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254960431849373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953520714662829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860789658999375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730477574096567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053512164941926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560209776996572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702139325012226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343068596763289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614129266998583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,important_man1030,2018/01/25,Everything will never be cool its like if its not this its that llike the grass will always be greener. like no matter what shit is never just... OK. cant shake the feeling that it will never come a day where everything is just... cool.,1.907608695652172,4.374768456521739,2.6197391304347843,92.66656521739132,81.82608695652175,5.419130434782609,17.895652173913042,6.742157984588678,0.002153043478260397,183,4,37,2,5,57,32,46,0.245,0.617,0.138,-0.7101,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,1,3,3,8,1,1,0,3,10,10,1,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,6,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334977420112293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24172868384436486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18097623690737966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044050744575787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188955246149762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741928359497713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6492927237970278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880516843539562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skyepilotgurl,2018/01/25,"Psychiatrist told me that I am ""unstable"" and seem to have BPD. What do I do next? So I finally got to see a psychiatrist, he spent 3 hours going through my mental health history etc. and in the end he is of the opinion that I am unstable based on my behaviour, such as sudden bursts of anger (rip MacBook and old phone), how any criticism for minor things leads me to end up hating myself anymore and self destructing, how I can't really look after myself very well and how I have extreme reactions to things like being assaulted, dumped etc. The whole thing has freaked me out a bit if I am honest. I tried to read about it and to be honest from what I have read I can't really fault his conclusion. I just want to be normal but I have no idea whats next apart from a doctors appointment tomorrow ",6.006352201257862,5.748006742138365,6.959119496855347,76.63540880503145,66.48427672955975,11.091823899371073,30.874213836477992,10.746095033038511,3.147734591194969,628,21,126,16,9,211,103,159,0.122,0.809,0.069,-0.8056,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,5,0,6,0,16,2,0,4,0,20,25,13,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,3,2,1,2,3,7,1,0,3,2,20,4,20,19,4,17,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,3,11,90,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129824672402676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772878715204565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262628340275745,0.0,0.1876105326417397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246738171615246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638695748479041,0.0,0.3322606624344443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317894444493156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465768381852902,0.0,0.11913731806387733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706765240366315,0.0,0.15833804368411014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669608473846155,0.0,0.0,0.16815827072595307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277457504524028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508930167336818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011714611710505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31684235912008835,0.0,0.14594966074730067,0.0,0.0,0.15630898481493646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980016176846208,0.0,0.19085581876122049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187022309380768,0.1356080428287413,0.15539828650818632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29688820767933105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233813941621035,0.0,0.10113440012898472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290801126859364,0.08786076116327257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393337715304013,0.0,0.0,0.1663090763488221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NassyV_12,2018/01/25,"How do I deal with this? Little bit of story; I got diagnosed with BPD in May 2017 after i made an attempt on my life but had a dear friend call me and talk me off the edge. I'm from a close knit family with a little sister that causes me problems and has been tagged as the reason for my mental instability. Now my nan is very ill and I've never had to deal with something like this. She's the one who always understood me and always new there was an issue that hadn't been touched on. I'm scared she's going to die and abandon me with these people who don't understand. ",3.687954545454545,4.158820471074382,5.034369834710745,85.90791838842975,71.56198347107437,7.702892561983472,22.56301652892562,7.6454224807358475,0.7697677685950413,451,9,98,5,8,151,81,121,0.157,0.759,0.083,-0.8954,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,8,0,11,3,0,4,1,22,18,8,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,7,11,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,9,1,13,3,16,8,1,12,0,1,0,0,10,7,0,1,5,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912221894673676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105083863305936,0.0,0.22040194762879015,0.0,0.17869097762464636,0.0,0.0,0.1797695957589958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36082738526233227,0.0,0.17761774928364432,0.18161872371861415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497111237870024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520185071257718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945453558823757,0.0,0.13996067580433533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18265086550013632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360519307271635,0.08549444347273279,0.3507849036873192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655859059562889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635529791851678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349680779213614,0.16901269630906696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858214761840075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213205290345376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744800297164072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992553286765406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752020105154341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472084420507088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065554641322348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217751314006228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443904277725637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Charlietd76,2018/01/25,"Coming to terms with BPD diagnosis... Hey all, lurker for a while but felt like posting today. So I've actually been diagnosed with Borderline for about 3 years- first by another psychiatrist but thereafter by my current doc who is also treating me for Bipolar Type 2. During my appointment with my doc on Monday he focused quite a bit on my Borderline (or EUPD as I'm in the UK) diagnosis, saying that he felt the Borderline 'triggers' my bipolar mood swings, which he feels has been happening since I was a teenager (I'm now 27). He put a lot of emphasis on working with my therapist who is helping me with my triggers and how to deal with them, and told me I need to go away and work on these triggers I keep having. My therapist is taking the psychodynamic/ psychoanalytic route with a bit of DBT and CBT thrown in there- in short I'm very lucky to have him. In brief, a lot of my triggers centre around festive seasons, my birthday, my dad's death and my kids which is the worst part- it basically means I can't have them on my own because I get explosive rages that I find difficult to deal with. I wanted to ask you guys a question, if I may. How have you all approached treating your condition? How have you dealt with your triggers and do you all have any stories of success? I'm feeling really down in the dumps at the moment and feeling as though my Borderline diagnosis is actually something new, when actually it isn't. Any help, stories or anything about triggers would be hugely appreciated. Thanks!",7.8604166666666675,7.239235597222228,8.24591666666667,70.14075000000003,62.819444444444436,11.291111111111116,38.29722222222222,10.650279960617883,4.0838163888888905,1204,55,218,26,15,399,160,288,0.08,0.8029999999999999,0.116,0.8782,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,6,2,5,12,12,2,0,13,0,21,3,0,9,3,51,42,22,1,4,5,1,5,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,9,18,0,1,8,0,0,5,2,4,0,1,6,6,34,7,42,33,11,34,0,0,0,0,27,16,0,8,13,150,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.35532413316485456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970609919966266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16507398459606654,0.1272689245882858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987865745391804,0.10804664253903444,0.11346625764695407,0.0,0.11403281009406895,0.0,0.0,0.07398712837864191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26501316132823977,0.0,0.15286354491275098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455106666347024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502580118107543,0.0,0.1231898315193266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410770069558488,0.0,0.2330719410183258,0.0,0.11093163480715514,0.1032387989344136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341176088979028,0.0,0.06897839620398817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017717319357345,0.10732869007197196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627059306476266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078808407478696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929613526644531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637194383312915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220948162451895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899956586528331,0.0,0.11722164967698027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143384180750778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162406429824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220121914021204,0.13596420358919795,0.1290938590751519,0.0,0.0,0.07775388890019823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651973421320156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004000148227482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934379484409578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125649563840484,0.0,0.0,0.11174285512884563,0.0,0.2818440505117256,0.0,0.0,0.11924718633729398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504628352378755,0.11597596500083958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014445370490656,0.07158823772329256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17672024531202365,0.0,0.0,0.08621905095483581,0.0,0.0,0.07815946581773209 bpd,prettywreckless91,2018/01/25,"Bullet journal for BPD I made a journal to help with my BPD. Tracking my emotional ping ponging, sleep, meds, ext. I’ll post pics on my page. Message for details on how to start your own 🖤PrettyWreckless91",2.155384615384616,4.980716846153847,2.8827692307692345,88.2872307692308,85.66666666666666,5.171282051282052,28.312820512820515,6.742157984588678,1.5665958974358976,163,8,30,2,5,51,31,39,0.0,0.885,0.115,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,7,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7093908046614564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.316788945334539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876654196916232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664793127526429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128206291703421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269717816980944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28182725282971804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993348228846259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shotpopsicle,2018/01/25,"Although I ve been diagnosed with bpd, I feel lost. Most of the symptoms weren't clear before 2017. There was only the feeling of emptiness and the polorized feelings. I avoided people at all costs with some failed trials of having friends. In 2017, the risky unhealthy decisions began; (smoking, drinking, strangers). My spirtual faith died. I tried to get close alot of people and kept pushing and pulling. I couldn't even keep a 2 months relationship/friendship. My first time drinking was very embarrassing to the extent people avoided me the following day. I try to go through treament on my own as my parents say that I don't have anything, although I went to a psychiatrist. The DBT workbook is not working for me much. Now, I don't feel like talking to anyone even my friends. I don't pursue my hobbies. I feel disappointed and depressed every time I would like to start a new activity. I fear that if I stay like this, I'd regret wasting my youth just like I regret wasting my childhood. I am anxious. How to get myself out of the depressing loop? I am aware that I should start doing something positive but I cannot help myself to do anything. I try to practice mindfulness but then I get overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings.",4.095418816990866,6.724840663755463,4.237231044065105,83.22348451766575,74.67685589519651,6.259706232631997,32.24315204446209,7.348242739294969,2.2980200873362446,988,50,169,12,22,306,137,229,0.202,0.7490000000000001,0.049,-0.9717,1,2,3,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,4,7,19,0,5,12,0,18,4,0,1,2,39,37,13,1,6,5,1,6,4,2,2,2,1,0,0,4,10,2,4,8,2,1,5,7,12,0,1,9,7,33,7,24,25,7,24,1,8,0,0,6,5,0,4,17,115,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810535056821482,0.0,0.08547858649465273,0.0,0.20119924021693986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402397401845208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396697291162406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883979362917351,0.0,0.21058390484842812,0.12407906321516662,0.12687403816469214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951283824820746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148719344918375,0.0,0.10299914321165016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375628944100436,0.37087332211218416,0.08733393686503738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398401638556773,0.0,0.0,0.1888968760051522,0.0,0.19160847427885971,0.0,0.06947630886022213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194020239057688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865956624642527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388966305221734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344804318427916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343554796087786,0.0,0.0975771216328148,0.0,0.08986628557004045,0.0,0.0,0.118067800735439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929750501490547,0.0,0.0,0.13574184559281047,0.0,0.0,0.2542539411531663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124851365465215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972164508648756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094112419574843,0.0,0.0,0.1730554107763902,0.1303000147157128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706239443126174,0.0,0.0982582456165446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705119146652047,0.14256748786045306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489949347592505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008673349792674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332504450132624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899794008578654,0.0,0.0,0.08684141330364914,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheLovelyNymph,2018/01/25,"18+ BPD support Group on Kik! Hi guys, my partner and I have been running a bpd support group for the last two months, but we'd like to see it grow. :) it's mainly for those with a diagnosis, however, partners of those with bpd are welcome to join and learn :) **NOTE: we are lgbtqia inclusive** Please Kik us for screening @TheLovelyNymph @EmiliaMelanieee",1.9643076923076919,4.794977200000002,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,92.3846153846154,5.676923076923077,26.5,7.1686216300943375,1.6782615384615391,278,13,52,5,10,85,50,65,0.0,0.68,0.32,0.975,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,4,9,6,1,5,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,3,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7383256509727947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934838675474898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592829631991942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546609624018401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597217699181953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449844550972308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571425316622506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44349159026480495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088445805718485,0.0,0.23505082321371945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,honeyfroot,2018/01/25,"Identity issues feel like waking up everyday with no memory of your likes, dislikes, hobbies etc. and spending the whole day trying to piece together the puzzle to figure yourself out; just when you finally think you’re getting somewhere, creating the perfect identity, you sleep and have to start all over again.",10.064654088050313,10.814293452830192,8.888679245283024,62.80144654088053,57.867924528301884,12.349685534591195,42.19496855345911,11.855464076750405,5.718111949685537,255,13,34,7,3,79,45,53,0.079,0.741,0.18,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,2,0,2,11,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,8,5,4,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,8,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854510948647456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606399356356279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350418573579753,0.2310136111095121,0.0,0.3542329903909152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689460292728574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375113708565852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159617857609477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236007582841229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288809871658175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720066164269801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195451203030157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610279600998125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinelove,2018/01/25,"HELP me find an article posted yesterday! Hello! There was a post here yesterday that I believed was removed. It was titled something like “if BPD isn’t my fault, then whose is it?” There was a link shared in the comments that was a presentation or article a girl had done on BPD. And I am trying to find it again. Can anyone help me? ",1.8388311688311705,4.2242005454545435,3.462900432900433,87.02863636363638,81.42424242424242,6.8017316017316025,23.064935064935064,7.957251820313856,1.3596389610389616,260,9,52,5,7,86,47,66,0.039,0.7859999999999999,0.174,0.851,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,11,0,0,0,0,6,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,0,5,2,3,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,6,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593665172632167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25678707197554085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741129153561876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332406391851599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166283354263058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055390879596785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134988759616986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365674920309546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754634599601804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474228574289758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,18talyfe,2018/01/25,Anyone else feel like they don’t belong anywhere? I swear it feels like bpd is the only real part of my identity...I feel like everything else I do in life is an attempt to put on a mask and fit in. ,0.7038372093023249,2.3682211860465117,3.1466860465116286,91.64933139534887,81.32558139534882,6.16046511627907,20.05232558139535,7.1686216300943375,0.3672837209302329,153,4,35,2,4,53,34,43,0.027000000000000003,0.747,0.226,0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,5,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551050109891465,0.22728565298328496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793804858590754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37061220097164255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936176667082747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364837502629395,0.4754149007140324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668136904816274,0.3251170792178147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870770524484172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24021456916667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229951250581753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524851097580044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ch3ckraise93,2018/01/25,"what is dissociation I think I have bpd because I have all the symptoms since like 11 and even before that but they get worse over the years and now im full blown at 24 , but I dont understand what is dissociation , Im empty and space out but is it dissociation,I dont feel like im connected to reality",-0.2119444444444412,2.087926000000003,3.2239583333333366,84.61409722222223,93.6875,6.594444444444445,19.61111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.9902277777777776,240,8,54,6,9,87,41,64,0.104,0.815,0.081,-0.3291,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,1,11,11,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,11,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996832312715708,0.0,0.16746351908937654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24786450768306226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612996129976515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998548631717444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950871460691264,0.1405949786224695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282062281909612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6377379366869008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229447261234825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279617393157042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455203635661032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610240779452134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487722586480306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005574671165696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673366646534778 bpd,its_easy_123,2018/01/25,"I [36 M] think my new gf [29 F] might have BPD. It has been a non-stop emotional roller coaster since we met. Should I breakup with her? My gf and I met about 8 weeks ago on a dating website. She's beautiful, intelligent, seemingly emotionally in touch with herself, and we have ridiculous physical and mental chemistry. When we are in a room, we are like two magnets. We can talk for hours about anything while time stands still. On the surface, it seems like the best relationship I've ever had. BUT, she is highly medicated for a chronic condition and a mental illness (which one I'm not sure). She also has self-harm scars from the past - a typical borderline feature. I am fine with someone having a mental illness and can relate as I've struggled most of my life with severe anxiety. Her behaviour is sometimes erratic and self-destructive though. She will go out several nights in a row sometimes and drink heavily. She'll post selfie upon selfie on social media which seems excessive and screams for attention despite me being here ready to give her all eyes. Three weeks into our relationship she claimed it was too intense even though she has been the primary instigator of most of that intensity: sex, flattery, wanting to be girlfriend and boyfriend, and what maybe feels like manipulation to make me fall for her. Of course I've fallen hard, can't wait to see her, have sex again, am already imagining spending the rest of our lives together. I've never been in a dating situation that's progressed so quickly and felt so euphoric. I can't help but feel infatuated but at the same time I can't help but suspect I am entering into a non-stop roller coaster ride of ups and downs and feeling terrible about myself for the littlest thing. At times It feels like I'm walking on eggshells and that anything could make her feel insecure or upset her. Sometimes I question whether I'm dating ""a crazy person"", which is the last thing I need in my life right now (instability). On the other hand I think we just have a rare amazing connection that I should hold onto and cherish. I don't want to end things but if it's only going to be more destructive and unpredictable, I should probably act early. People with BPD: what should I do?? What are your perspectives on relationships? I think I'm in love with this woman. ",6.379719211822658,7.314507174712645,6.582032019704439,75.54349137931034,65.75862068965517,9.708538587848935,33.92651888341543,9.784248007369934,3.3250311986863714,1851,80,329,38,28,594,240,435,0.097,0.789,0.114,0.8156,0,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,8,1,0,2,18,17,2,3,21,0,40,12,2,3,4,78,69,32,0,9,10,0,9,4,3,7,6,1,1,2,20,31,1,2,16,3,1,8,6,7,0,3,8,12,46,10,49,50,7,59,0,0,2,3,41,25,0,9,28,227,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581769552779401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438511812014004,0.06839877119807934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543065698425209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407687537131151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897590633144971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544553415192733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682892057211576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378740322810721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924207731268715,0.07575470403906942,0.0,0.0,0.056492139179948025,0.0773673032440317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623414715219225,0.12220612201214577,0.08212276651241507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820487226961962,0.09721799545858817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661859670774256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146586851628754,0.09036775012237863,0.0,0.0,0.08423038911900285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971883553524945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082555137105735,0.16714367762327906,0.0,0.07552506612221847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771946847095909,0.0,0.1141846480599456,0.0,0.08592696027601679,0.0,0.0,0.08616305764190328,0.2585841125907592,0.09073442547758352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341983878785745,0.06596645345938923,0.08260596384586559,0.0,0.08026465213003038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579577322464455,0.06504985765246876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164861334210484,0.05929613250392636,0.07468200041069582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191464953860368,0.0,0.09221642772529276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581382037337767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754834910004089,0.0,0.07304264507715909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815679586154988,0.2335914738725781,0.17845408981905855,0.19325041247311464,0.0,0.07075177680425525,0.096139951678406,0.0,0.0871876517145252,0.07246977998792163,0.0,0.2537757817775649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830482894952583,0.14301478367072049,0.0,0.08941512933154222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061155622375316,0.0,0.0,0.06874623762278792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046814372897104,0.16441361971763666,0.16806671447542554,0.0,0.14962070108579814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355094525006564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089630018781144,0.0,0.13721493883210556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bunnieboots,2018/01/25,"Broke up with my FP I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year after discovering he cheated on me again, I really don’t know if I can be alone again and I keep slipping into self harm bouts and it’s really hard for me to stop having panic attacks. I know it’s for the best but it doesn’t feel like it is, he won’t stop messaging me and I don’t want to fall back into the trap of being with him then finding out he’s cheating then leaving him then coming back... it’s so draining and I feel like I’m this close to a breakdown... any support would be appreciated ",0.722249999999999,2.6529253916666704,2.9616666666666696,91.64,82.58333333333334,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,6.816661863887847,0.3105833333333337,437,13,99,5,12,149,73,120,0.211,0.6459999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.5922,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,3,1,3,0,11,0,0,0,0,24,20,10,0,3,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,12,0,3,5,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,0,3,14,4,17,15,1,20,0,2,0,0,7,7,0,1,13,66,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060254986904468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352752904613113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263050169780107,0.0,0.3059208914182663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875869540626096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713556008907035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116412446780232,0.28422300389350763,0.0,0.0,0.18181313253698003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781970277087711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681298604488005,0.0,0.0,0.2186470971142429,0.0,0.0,0.2106320257479449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436865090594607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23339471061930195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548718971365153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752134439064202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326191089840197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225736846594809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733065843571527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413100579083245,0.0,0.0,0.12810067518109186 bpd,Rljh1994,2018/01/25,"Dumping my friends without warning A few weeks ago I woke up and decided I was very irritated with my close friend for no reason besides the fact that I didn’t have the mental energy to talk to her as much as she messages me. She wants to talk via text 24/7 and I suddenly found it (and her) very annoying. So I pretty much ghosted, although I told her in advance I can’t talk that much because I’m going through serious health struggles (mental and physical... which is true). I feel really guilty but I’ve done this before to friends. I think part of it has to do with my current FP. If they are not talking to me, I suddenly don’t want to hear from anybody else. Anyone else do this? ",3.2049011857707512,4.7636870000000044,4.437509881422923,85.59266798418977,73.92753623188406,7.626877470355732,29.21212121212121,8.296473431620573,2.063397101449276,538,23,109,9,11,177,93,138,0.091,0.797,0.112,0.5936,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,1,8,2,1,3,0,11,1,0,1,2,20,21,10,1,3,4,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,6,2,21,4,18,15,5,10,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,1,5,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281420658574329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107841017623996,0.14811689392179986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812129826274644,0.0,0.12300832694112683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793316313983004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24151954748097784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309293729415535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585005352480819,0.3350557729751451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821557203094833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365853924313672,0.16292752598690508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29136120228593826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31880059017232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565423747285409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706759439609196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260764385661358,0.14862984043291816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112355119330992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647614173754793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262701685955313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381314943167743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23855120391014856,0.17052826854514708,0.0,0.1159558174780025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934888500494588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Invisible96,2018/01/25,"I think I'm relapsing, doctors response is... hmmm I was doing really well for a few months until yesterday when my anxiety started going through the roof, way way above where it normally is even at my most stressed. It was triggered by some fairly gritty family goings-on. None of my usual coping techniques were working. This is my first relapse indicator; often it gets much crazier from here, and so far it's looking that way again. I have good insight and can put things into action to a point - if I get so far along though, I lose my insight and any control, and that's where my life becomes at risk. This has happened a number of times. I've been given 2mg of diazepam to take 3x a day, up to 4mg at once, but so far this is isn't doing anything to take the edge off. When I last relapsed, I went up to 20mg a day which still didn't really do a lot to help, and I ended up in hospital having tried to take my life shortly after. My ""relapse management plan"" stops at the point where I'm given this drug, and there's no contingency for if that fails. My last social worker said off the record that if that's the case then to do what I need to do to prevent a life-threatening situation (referring to my smoking weed in previous crises with good results). I think this is ridiculous; I shouldn't have to rely on self-medicating with street drugs to get things under control. Is there anything specific I can ask about when I see the doctor tomorrow that might give me enough of a rest so that I can fight this? Right now I've nudged one of my meds (pregabalin) up a notch to try and chill me the fuck out, but the weekend is approaching and there's no access to mental health services during that time; if things become dicey in this time then I'm on my own.",8.818769953051643,5.938418501408449,8.730704225352117,74.62065727699532,62.57746478873239,11.72018779342723,36.62441314553991,9.725611199111238,3.2736723004694834,1388,46,280,20,15,454,193,355,0.09,0.87,0.039,-0.9459,0,0,2,0,1,0,40.0,0,0,0,8,22,10,3,2,17,0,27,8,0,4,0,38,51,25,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,24,13,0,4,5,1,0,5,6,7,1,2,9,3,28,3,49,40,9,63,0,2,2,1,6,29,1,9,26,195,52,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757267646468132,0.0,0.07601515569143158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354044454370448,0.0,0.09289433142838788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194851441368472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289611988125307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816643724843846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034117941683778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304673537145216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880092893347249,0.10267223135615784,0.0,0.06563068373498551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936739607936976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452115548149977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918627947507904,0.15574479818173487,0.09532147035502887,0.056472312837788766,0.16668793255374156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786953156014424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056220195702479,0.0,0.0,0.06660331873275041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199403711054994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055664551521786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344289446781282,0.11116577721442128,0.0,0.08447790623184434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22074772206417267,0.0,0.10013813342700667,0.10541223024722383,0.0,0.0,0.07931344985159687,0.0,0.07304586377050605,0.07367905415568066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735814315400336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058221563307856,0.06733336089375072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786705753060085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989085020921842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731354104961898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485850965840935,0.09452036479956374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918229294399087,0.0,0.10366100576243134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169219035596202,0.0,0.10129170674604528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033217118153264,0.0,0.0793542728498733,0.08307490363059272,0.11382407263571233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413388772908333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19804420562529046,0.12734017433281553,0.09762715259355943,0.0,0.17382434185912976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492675974903295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943824078358792,0.0,0.0,0.236617679440365,0.0,0.0,0.08934248177898536,0.09211380786378136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723400479515234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mswoodstock,2018/01/25,"I don’t want my friends anymore First time posting on here. Just wanted to say thank you all for helping me not feel so alone before I explain myself. Anyway, I don’t want my close friends anymore. They’re all great but their lives are moving forward and they’re leaving me behind. We still keep in contact, but they don’t want to help me. I’m moving back home soon and I know I need to make this decision before I go back. The town I’m in now has been really toxic and put me in a bad place. Lots of substance abuse issues and all of my friends that saw me in that place just kinda left me. They decided they didn’t want anything to do with me till I calmed down on the drinking yet they still invite me to party every time I see them. I’m not as out of control as before but I’m still empty. I wish they would attempt to do sober things with me I have cried to my friends about how bad it is and how close I am to ending it all. All I get is “I love you. Dont do that, I would be devastated. I dont know what I would do.” but they don’t reach out to me. They don’t try to help me get help or in to a better situation. I have begged people to help me and they never get back to me. Even after I overdosed, nobody really cares (except for my mom) These are my best friends, they’re basically family and its so hard. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if I have a right to say I deserve people who actually care about me. 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I am just curious if anyone in the BPD community also has OCD or BFRs? Is this common for people with BPD? How do you deal with it day to day? For some background I was diagnosed about a decade ago. I'm a 27yr old female and have not been in therapy since high school. I started biting my nails in childhood. I also chew my lips and pick my skin and pull my hair. And I'm very anal about how things are organized. I get super anxious or angry when my things are touched or moved. Anyone else here have similar issues?",2.3326948051948007,4.6027117500000045,3.6576948051948053,86.97366883116884,78.82142857142857,6.929870129870131,22.68181818181818,8.00094639256281,1.2615071428571425,444,14,88,8,11,145,79,112,0.075,0.8690000000000001,0.056,-0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,9,1,0,0,3,0,10,6,4,3,0,18,14,14,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,11,1,10,12,1,15,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,5,9,56,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447355995992339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26114582070291703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445703293528565,0.0,0.22833476587886306,0.16729703325057113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6169266623586279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106008833145756,0.16833187189162238,0.0,0.1657231653653752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639735041608633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530572374717209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251158067184227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041922729844725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735380796206806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133220781139685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319601884661915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524548697288058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350647862242273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556861292438853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867219832307884,0.0,0.216948552915207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472098838904326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aims-x,2018/01/26,"VENT I’m just posting here as a way to get my emotions out there somewhere. I feel so empty right now and I don’t even know why. I posted here a while ago saying how much better I felt etc but honestly now I just feel awful again. I had an appointment today with a psychiatric nurse and I feel like she judged me SO MUCH it was awful. Also I think I’m becoming addicted to painkillers because I just want to feel constantly numb. All that’s going around my head is that one day things are gonna get too much and I will kill myself, it feels inevitable at this point. I don’t even know why I’m writing this but I guess I just wanted to get my feelings out there. 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I feel like it's my fault due to my mental health. I've been doing better (particularly managing mood swings and self soothing a lot better) and as a result our relationship has significantly improved, along with the help of weekly marriage counseling. I love this man so much and it seems that he really loves me but I can't seem to cope with the fact that he still works with the 18 y/o at a job that requires them to work together with one-on-one constant contact. As much as I fight it, I can't help but break down thinking about what they're talking about, what he's thinking about as he looks at her, etc...I get panic attacks when they close together, fearing that he'll give her a ride home (he's done this before where on one occasion he reached over and squeezed her thigh) and invite himself up into her bed. I can't get past the fact that at one point, he couldn't wait to get away from me and run into her arms. I want so badly to forgive and move on but I feel retraumatized every day he works with her. I've begged him to find a new job as his current job was supposed to be temporary anyway, but he claims he needs to ""take his own time"" to find a new job - however his attempts to job search have been little to none. I feel as if he uses my BPD to gaslight me for my concerns and I'm not sure whether or not my fears are rational or just my mental illness getting to me. I'm going insane and I know I can't live like this much longer, but after several failed attempts to leave him I feel trapped in this hellish scenario. I've isolated myself from friends and family...any support I had. I've barely been working because I can't function well enough too. I can't even bring myself to go outside and can barely get myself to reach out online. I'm drowning fast. 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I sometimes feel like I want something harder and more guiding kind of thing. Don’t know how to explain it. I also feel like I need lots of more sex compared to my „normal“ friends. ",1.9990566037735853,4.039822490566042,2.7930566037735858,93.9175094339623,78.81132075471699,4.994716981132076,23.807547169811322,5.6839178017228535,0.3224143396226409,204,7,43,1,5,64,38,53,0.0,0.821,0.179,0.8126,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,0,12,11,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,6,11,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796518491411448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5605627652758849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23250697046259325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504585569962,0.3179652897351913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719338783555278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317412001917524,0.12230218284818575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174436395159045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891955789336284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650106155331239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180419837510288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428123928123155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713221906166845,0.2200977841155354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478457102337732,0.1425946681152742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125987795946015,0.17664192072813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Beautifulruin54,2018/01/26,Extremely hard to make friends I got diagnosed with BPD three years ago and I've been on and off with treatment. I also have always said no to medication. I've found that in the past year its been extremely hard for me to make friends. Im a 20 year old girl and other girls automatically tend not to like me. I have no friends and I'm struggling to get through everyday without at least one friend. My boyfriend tries to help but in the end the person doesn't want to be friends. Any advice or suggestions on what to do?,2.9741904761904756,4.846555942857143,3.6819047619047653,89.44476190476192,75.28571428571428,7.333333333333332,26.904761904761905,8.167268648758528,1.5391904761904758,414,16,90,7,9,131,72,105,0.099,0.769,0.132,0.7628,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,4,0,7,2,0,2,0,14,16,7,0,1,4,0,2,1,5,0,2,1,0,3,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,3,6,6,19,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,1,9,53,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982845174207834,0.13591430142333824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226147951462564,0.12757956498856646,0.0,0.0,0.10426697888028208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310880570290234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556227238679886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358013799724023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681141113132653,0.5922966698075904,0.0,0.080106538285074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262885714361894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27470006771049393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027712263446324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561845616949294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490736833714406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20469267189277746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544598751831629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088990822218888,0.0,0.10389770667019008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636707390438033,0.0,0.13387840192262454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458481948019897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028968903860852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409833045824772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043568299433924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780085082005665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962108678112973 bpd,RavenPoodle,2018/01/26,"Starting a Playstation 4 group for people WITH BPD Sometimes I feel very alone in these feelings, this sub really helps me remember other people experience this, I feel as though having some social interaction with people who have this would be good for me and hopefully other people as well. If you would be interested in joining please leave a comment with your psn or send it to me privately. Thank you. ",8.922260273972599,9.077577630136991,8.33845890410959,67.78522260273975,60.36986301369865,11.135616438356163,34.688356164383556,10.686352973137794,3.834619178082191,329,12,52,7,4,104,54,73,0.043,0.732,0.225,0.9274,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,14,12,6,0,4,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,8,5,10,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,4,1,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971247696232225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397143250179607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617953550123625,0.0,0.0,0.28871012528226103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596400088284135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757437479248704,0.0,0.0,0.1890409136235868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153228515282606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278042057471762,0.0,0.0,0.20892549249108933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193045114759594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156071047359684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940177517526091,0.0,0.0,0.18824151379814855,0.0,0.1347167519126967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523055027985707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699853388491586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704241412081532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711297795999864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704103403479769,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Whatadaywhatanight,2018/01/26,"Started a new job, employer misled about some of the crucial work conditions so I left and am now paralyzed with fear I'm terrified of navigating the instability of gig jobs again, and my prospects are not great but manageable, yet I am absolutely overwhelmed with fear. At first I was like, this is fine, I can ride the fear and the pain out, it's a temporary emotion, but it's been hours, I'm shaking with fear and pain and feel so alone, I did a few chores, tried to focus on something else but the fear and the heart palpitations and the shaking are still there.",8.795363636363636,6.854802354545457,8.437272727272727,73.75590909090909,61.81818181818181,12.436363636363636,38.36363636363636,11.20814326018867,3.979672727272728,449,18,91,10,5,144,72,110,0.308,0.625,0.067,-0.9868,3,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,13,0,8,10,0,9,3,1,0,0,17,13,12,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,11,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,10,0,1,3,1,6,3,11,10,2,15,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,9,60,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252902210095594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496079092781347,0.15479985634718108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7742831930939933,0.06958295483917287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705638585615158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172249724808942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307602180988434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552437113524862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731259596257175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495205526894909,0.0,0.0,0.0672323909341207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291071570873625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928669702454127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594377946280084,0.0,0.0,0.0974055515571887,0.0,0.10990058440554908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343245937379613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018633225760268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JaththeGod,2018/01/26,"How to Deal with Being Alone at Night My girlfriend has BPD comorbid with depression, insomnia and possibly DID. I try to stay up with her as late as possible but of course, I can't do it because I don't have insomnia and have school the next day. Around 2-5AM she is very depressed and doing things such as self-harming. What are some possible solutions and/or aids? Edit: This is a LDR. I see her once every 1-2 months ",1.7963095238095264,4.198543154761907,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523813,81.73809523809524,7.542857142857144,23.619047619047624,8.515128840125781,1.7341047619047625,331,12,68,8,9,108,66,84,0.108,0.866,0.025,-0.7709999999999999,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,12,2,0,1,0,10,13,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,12,11,1,9,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,1,5,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619878996643205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004311388395248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959276600169883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264277459462713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159438055106117,0.1853462104115373,0.3096900458955105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147315941060766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028006822550568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349939658763894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119902327887603,0.16871219292156106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146078764048105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080278455776655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194786556969764,0.14326209841015486,0.0,0.18755068408207895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916225153415184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943843933188543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205942777510975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833806800938096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jerre91,2018/01/26,"Sometimes I wonder... Does anybody sometimes feel that this condition is only a means for us to manipulate people and preserve a broken/disfunctional identity because it is a sort of weird comfort zone? The mood swings, emptiness, oversharing, constant need for validation etc. - Is all of this in fact a charade that we are in self-denial of? Because often I feel as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, and that I am just making all of this up and that I really am a lazy, lying, selfish person that is too much of a coward to stand up for himself and face the world. But every time I tell myself this and I promise myself that I will get better and do better I stumble and fall horribly. Every-single-time. So I really don't know what to think anymore. I just feel lost and tired of everything...",5.798823529411763,6.7071204183006525,6.727326797385626,74.08197058823531,67.0392156862745,8.995816993464052,31.63986928104575,9.120678840339163,2.8640096732026152,636,25,109,11,10,212,95,153,0.168,0.7490000000000001,0.083,-0.9225,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,8,0,11,2,1,2,3,29,22,12,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,10,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,16,4,18,20,4,9,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,4,2,85,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231919836373305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184001102433025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30734600957619523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776843830536985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205499004168194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378379834520126,0.0,0.0,0.14639686965714446,0.0,0.15616063094410354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26356866525093736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078030476611358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549171801856568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967512908243447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598343615653885,0.0,0.0,0.18927115201394967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773060517731422,0.12883782449016826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672350629741842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214921865969528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046048773541385,0.15171698076486015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262500306144314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126533544628493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436981261955232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187034619495707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113357874856337,0.0,0.0,0.1013184832749779,0.1997068872806533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090069963543939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884309000744632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997483876185545,0.0,0.0 bpd,yharnam-nights,2018/01/26,"Mother announced at Christmas that she'd been diagnosed with BPD years ago - but she doesn't know what it is Hello! I'm after some advice, please! Thanks in advance for taking the time to read. A bit of background: She's always like alcohol and always drank quite a lot when I was growing up. We've always had a rocky relationship but we kind of get on with each other most of the time. I know of at least two occasions where she's tried to commit suicide - once when I was about five years old and again when I was fourteen. I wasn't living with her at the time and didn't find this out until I was much older. I've always been aware that she has issues (with what I thought was just depression and anxiety) and put it partly down to her abusive childhood but since she had to have her horse put down about five years ago, she is drinking a lot every day. She is verbally abusive to my step-dad and says really hurtful things to me and it has gotten to a point where I actually can't stand to be around her. So, fast forward to Christmas just gone. I was talking about someone else having just been diagnosed with BPD (a friend that she doesn't know) and her exact words were ""Oh, I have that. I psychiatrist told me years ago. Whatever that means."" For me, I was shocked (though I hid it) but it was also like she was telling me something I had always known and suddenly everything made sense! I knew quite a bit about BPD because I suspect I have it - but that's beside the point. I think I need to talk to her about it. I'm assuming she was diagnosed after one of her suicide attempts as she doesn't have/has never had any type of therapy. I'm also blown away by the fact that no one has sat her down and talked to her about it. I'm not sure what to do. I know for a fact she won't just go to a doctor but I'm a little worried that if I sit down with her and talk her through what BPD is (the very basics at least) it might bring up some bad stuff? On the other hand, it might be a relief to her if she knows there's a reason for it. Do you guys have any thoughts on this? Edit: Typos ",4.308125908818752,4.4749944272517315,4.99885552989479,87.78696860833122,70.08545034642032,7.985253613891027,25.967752972371912,7.662118739084242,1.1353995209990595,1629,43,360,17,27,526,196,433,0.124,0.8059999999999999,0.07,-0.9822,0,0,3,0,0,3,45.0,1,1,0,4,22,11,0,0,19,0,44,8,1,2,6,65,71,28,2,3,13,1,1,2,1,3,5,1,0,1,29,21,3,0,15,2,0,8,10,4,0,5,29,2,54,7,60,36,12,56,0,2,0,0,40,23,0,10,27,257,83,4,0.0,0.17807548266076245,0.0733333191923622,0.0,0.0,0.0734334668973202,0.19984171707836126,0.08031004200101761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019118392806022,0.31264454959762794,0.0,0.0,0.10220603167240024,0.0,0.05748778808725799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689738904929908,0.0,0.0,0.07060374188389787,0.0,0.06274519415359023,0.04580934303440573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640836599818916,0.0,0.3785836114912632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048464052447291114,0.0,0.0647246075828964,0.2288200139978077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691685961329127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361614116633985,0.0,0.0,0.06277626418463603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331518195131773,0.0,0.06753791105652904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868364029810546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805892991617101,0.0,0.039261573880121935,0.0,0.0427081721228663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440804194420941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044717167544495,0.0,0.0,0.07843467928367569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825476996918873,0.20649606495511408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342674490984147,0.0753177417006256,0.06635679965058616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777578174608506,0.0,0.07110657478690519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185788026727737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943967749948906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524220925279123,0.05572107053184417,0.05795854225113557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885487443923782,0.08002985250435551,0.10184405851842854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137764064685625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248961286934052,0.14207774086179067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510883974767909,0.0,0.15985766723488598,0.07516804031781107,0.0,0.04814154362985743,0.07726435583415488,0.0,0.08068051115540123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059760470652873536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216295753684601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367240597444337,0.05785237414077784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602614247192124,0.1643987830366479,0.0,0.07082582194903778,0.0,0.056501721372716585,0.24160351262902965,0.06568240581142823,0.06918590969018973,0.08593794903359593,0.0,0.04992479557239739,0.0481516145724645,0.07383223791112449,0.11931776623943573,0.13145769206562485,0.0,0.0,0.07180685182536899,0.0,0.051020358382473895,0.0,0.07340838769480636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620047261367361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631614145453018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357063097283134 bpd,pawesome-aw,2018/01/26,"Emotional Support Animals in College? Hi there! I had a few questions for any people diagnosed with BPD that have an emotional support animal, especially in college. How did you talk to your doctor about getting an ESA? Did they bring it up or did you? How has your ESA benefitted you? Lastly, for those of you with an ESA in college, has your school allowed your ESA to live with you in the dorms? I’ve been checking out the laws in the state I’m attending college (Wisconsin) and it seems they can’t legally deny me an ESA under the Fair Housing Act, which dorm rooms fall under, but I’ve heard of a few students having issues with colleges allowing them an ESA. If you’ve got any other info to share, I’d love to hear it! Thank you ☺️",2.559765166340508,4.8009176575342485,3.9949510763209415,84.99520547945207,77.90410958904108,6.911154598825831,26.18199608610568,7.957251820313856,1.728725636007828,582,23,112,10,14,192,91,146,0.011,0.8270000000000001,0.161,0.9623,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,10,3,0,4,6,0,0,11,0,10,3,0,4,0,17,21,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,7,2,15,6,22,14,2,16,0,0,0,1,20,10,0,4,1,74,22,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585532202906204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394281685205861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929506198346158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457855297035606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276807451724096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932101065151587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15204279559804654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142599821819816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935342521808945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984182203283082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495937912383412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786449837746306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157544761645366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317935362332232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129589515165452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923944613657003,0.0,0.1730627000198769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4314534341512281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279765098401207,0.0,0.17502137062195652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jomajorsh,2018/01/26,"Was anyone else scared of getting diagnosed/seeking treatment? I without a doubt have BPD, but I've yet to get an official diagnosis. Part of me doesn't want to, either. I'm worried that it could have an impact on current/future employment, or just how people view me in general. At the same time, I want to get better, I just, I'm scared. I've also got a ton of questions I've been dying to ask this community, about relationships, anger, or other issues, but every time I type up a submission, I chicken out and erase it all. I nearly did it to this post too. There's just lots of stuff I want to know, and discuss, but don't know where to start or who I should talk to.",5.11301094890511,4.9179101094890525,6.334005474452553,80.1523950729927,68.34306569343065,9.185766423357665,29.53375912408759,8.841846274778883,2.1498328467153285,523,17,108,8,8,177,90,137,0.136,0.823,0.042,-0.8819,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,10,5,1,3,6,0,9,0,0,1,1,28,22,10,1,5,11,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,1,10,1,20,16,6,12,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,6,4,77,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015515359433914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254568767955035,0.1795743185014268,0.0,0.0,0.16384420188943072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500300083467242,0.0,0.0,0.22073351173833453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993064420655885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18189194385597784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640702689379811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476638928284777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27469794727128755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401712271962062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292563835141373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19263634322952286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899956661528774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18978922332326426,0.0,0.12150303891528755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785038804954208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963310228483791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881633754406358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35093115519852786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404974853898912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063047583418894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086714314138638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043907317266892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101182127008815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689441386200571,0.0,0.0,0.1779847768816236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justilitax,2018/01/26,"Feeling Lost First time posting here. I'm trying so hard to turn my life around. For the longest time I've been getting by on my maladaptive coping mechanisms (binge eating, shoplifting, unsafe sex & smoking). I've recently stripped those coping mechanisms away and I'm fucking miserable. I feel like I can't be happy without them, mainly binge eating. I started hiding food when I was a child, it was the first and most accessible coping mechanism that I had at my disposal. I've NEVER been able to stop so being on day 10 of no binging should feel like an accomplishment but instead I feel like I'm drowning. Binging made me feel numb. I've been on antidepressants in the past but stopped taking them 6ish months ago and I felt fine.... until now. My depression/anxiety are back in full force to a debilitating degree and I'm fucking terrified. Binging isn't even an option at this point because my anxiety completely kills my appetite. I want to lose weight and feel good about myself. Build up my severely lacking self worth/confidence but this trade off doesn't seem worth it. I'm too aware to go back to being numb. I need help getting through this.",4.740081925243217,6.890120829493085,5.153141321044547,79.58939452124937,71.11981566820276,8.140194572452637,30.488735279057856,8.841846274778883,2.6953432667690738,928,40,162,18,18,295,136,217,0.189,0.735,0.076,-0.9747,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,5,12,14,3,1,7,0,14,10,0,1,1,28,39,12,2,4,4,0,9,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,7,6,4,2,8,0,2,1,6,8,0,2,9,9,20,6,24,26,4,33,0,3,0,3,5,13,2,3,21,98,27,2,0.12095033716433955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721517617043763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104963978504486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850533537501776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767144303684822,0.0,0.0,0.1136368232075284,0.1860066869212384,0.0,0.07373020291493926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268141273403476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800296149925755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475247804077893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988655698724897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669367477277821,0.2592208351116728,0.11613129122349207,0.0,0.0,0.20576059000895772,0.14625362779804185,0.0,0.0,0.22363327548132828,0.12638311825459353,0.0,0.06873886391210793,0.10144740436356912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287538829738203,0.10834774503190896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107046147757076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381362778902542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543080006559448,0.1772706759029488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531248938882706,0.13203158069661364,0.0,0.0,0.11444613348170525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654140519105026,0.0,0.0,0.08968314245120039,0.09328435637290826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154607826392797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433716322419507,0.0,0.11583698924219445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942386639238745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010864437743982,0.12617757995078802,0.136639453850976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856092711728885,0.0,0.0,0.2022397953339569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093960109239968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410542285147451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821173395459397,0.13155923507116735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133964257470693,0.0,0.0,0.14728492645562105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659180890357645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ufufudere,2018/01/26,"Physical health and fitness issues Anyone else struggling with their physical health/fitness or was able to overcome issues you had with these? In the past two years since my last suicide attempt that pushed my BPD over the line, I've gained around 50 or 60 pounds, and it makes me feel disgusting. I really hate what I see in the mirror, but food is one of my most consistent escapes and it feels like I am stuck in a loop of hating my body, eating to escape those feelings, and then making the body image issues worse, and eating to escape again. If any of you were able to overcome this, what helped you? Was it a personal trainer holding you accountable and making you feel bad for wasting your money if you slipped up on food or skipped work outs? Was it a long period of forcing yourself to develop new eating/grocery shopping habits? Did you have friends interested in fitness as well to make working out an opportunity to hang out with them? ",11.367937399678972,8.107600207865168,9.972086677367578,68.85870786516854,58.15730337078652,12.643338683788125,42.282504012841095,10.290406445055957,4.2967133226324234,759,30,134,11,7,236,117,178,0.138,0.715,0.147,-0.4835,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,8,2,5,4,10,3,1,8,0,9,7,2,4,0,29,21,14,1,2,6,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,10,13,4,1,4,1,3,2,0,5,1,2,7,5,18,5,27,14,1,23,0,0,1,0,13,13,0,6,9,90,28,2,0.2392967987458753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136501449203748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366094280541016,0.12259392455125435,0.0,0.10651244237565964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990141575942238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26580479780497585,0.15069297051943312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24486036562832916,0.09995088472881572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419913030204424,0.08547684041890727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28935863890556257,0.0,0.09244005655484427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362560469922872,0.0,0.25436130704407833,0.0,0.0,0.08019780001966488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746455299458381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752941474808068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058454164259521976,0.0,0.0,0.10588506832949593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194649426659336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555716969075105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107685194001668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142179357000548,0.0,0.10447236727854543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766498284106683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953442833697435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989743923737374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508248547725911,0.0,0.13087592919295707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687910059495915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757828023137816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421091949811512,0.0,0.12193194080975175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704964636930701 bpd,artfuu17,2018/01/26,Who Am I? I was recently diagnosed with BPD and one of the components that rings true is an unstable sense of identity. I’ve typically sought to define myself by my career but I recently quit my job as it was triggering other symptoms and now I feel lost. What strategies have others used to develop a clearer sense of identity separate from work?,4.275897435897438,6.796651384615388,6.062692307692312,70.89147435897438,73.61538461538461,11.102564102564099,32.371794871794876,10.864195022040775,4.690333333333333,280,14,46,11,6,96,52,65,0.079,0.8909999999999999,0.03,-0.4871,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,2,1,8,8,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,7,1,9,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,35,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507336807146932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826496210071358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080700001590174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763467510847282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039919697392579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870410878266647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961959594547852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5499274671553023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894455897686486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405158465151673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273552510661225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Fingerbang22,2018/01/26,"Not handling the rejection/abandonment well So i met this guy, who i'd known but not well in a club and he basically told me he liked me, was nervous to speak to me etc, and didn't know i was newly (6 months) single. We kissed that night and fast forward like a week later i go to his house to watch movies. Well you know what happened there and we literally hit it off so well. Before i met this guy i was struggling with having the impulsive behaviour we're known for i.e. drugs, sex, drinking, and basically having no emotional attachment to anything for a while, so i felt like this guy had stirred something back up in me and it was nice to feel happy and comfortable again. anyway, fast forward a few weeks and we've seen each other a good few times, and the last time we went out it was with his friends, which i considered a big step so i was pretty excited. everything went well and it was going great, until yesterday. He turns around out of the blue and says he thinks we're looking for different things and he doesn't think he wants a relationship because he's happy with being alone, even though he likes me and enjoys spending time with me he thinks we're rushing and if he's feeling like this just now he doesn't know how he's gonna feel further down the line. I told him i'd give him time to think and stuff but I'm absolutely heartbroken. I'd already pictured a life with this guy (BPD psycho brain coming out) and how well we got on i hadn't clicked with someone like that in forever. My friends obviously don't understand and tell me its fine forget about him but i'm completely obsessing over it and its making me ill. Anyone had experience with this and is able to help me chill out/ give advice :( ? Also sorry about the rant and wall of text.",2.9803739002932588,4.979269068181818,3.8565689149560143,87.63711143695015,75.64772727272728,7.269208211143695,24.42302052785924,8.155646560271837,1.371625623167156,1400,46,287,24,31,448,189,352,0.08800000000000001,0.6709999999999999,0.242,0.9964,1,1,3,0,0,0,34.0,4,1,0,0,24,27,0,3,14,0,18,7,1,3,1,65,52,34,0,2,7,0,4,6,2,1,3,2,0,4,21,38,1,0,14,2,1,9,8,3,6,0,20,11,30,24,36,29,5,43,0,0,5,2,40,18,0,1,26,173,51,0,0.08567509228313484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372070861282381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873355734940405,0.0945445947805692,0.06851434034526466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990601656948515,0.0,0.07050330095805822,0.07626899630636212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06587885755789279,0.0,0.0522267410483425,0.0,0.07290319326423253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790477953182136,0.09564173744217967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380150581080416,0.08982870422202366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895122364220188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392897358918726,0.09935590700684366,0.0,0.0,0.09637294726636572,0.0,0.0,0.0955503750835499,0.05658759043197115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699924858224041,0.08380668001419013,0.0,0.0,0.1299597027205309,0.061206303045764424,0.08226152424042825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238472754338926,0.0,0.0,0.1643747106339618,0.09738225865556398,0.07186020257987215,0.06852219786745098,0.09445709170180186,0.0,0.33932724471649656,0.07576220115963878,0.1824054577145292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742620840394851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885755353665797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125437036474225,0.06983663511299665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06051485139307106,0.25113913484081946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194549969446278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057188789376987036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838504127233952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804002703178035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716236960360886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198298610386764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813227212995736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259222766531713,0.06595687174585617,0.0,0.0959062514878527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956620851120152,0.09807748307794813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748838069380121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056918724381022114,0.2195885589057169,0.08417534317197696,0.0,0.19983134116454887,0.0,0.0,0.16373244440391033,0.0,0.0,0.09318989818197948,0.0,0.0891907925611547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050533389193692255,0.0,0.1374467823752591,0.0,0.4621931827649138,0.15884333777697138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OHiashleyy,2018/01/26,"New relationships. Advice, plz. New relationships, amiright? First one in a long, long time. For obvious reasons. I just met this amazing guy on tinder. I never do this. I’m so self-conscious, and I put myself out there, and omg it didn’t end in fire and brimstone. I didn’t get raped and murdered, as I’ve been conditioned to believe. He’s cute and funny, and we have similar personalities. (ya know other than the vices that come with the BPD whatever I’m working on it.) But, despite all these things, I can’t help but feel I’m going to ruin it. I’m going to be psycho, jealous. I’m going to be suffocating. I’m going to be SO insecure. I’m going to push him away. He’s going to judge me so hard. Somehow, some way, we’re going to run into someone from my past that knows the “old me”, the “pre-medicated” me, he’s going to hear so many horror stories of the me that no longer exists. I’m terrified. How do I deal with this? I just want to prevent all of this, but in this small town, it’s almost impossible. I got lucky; I met an amazing person from somewhere my reputation doesn’t proceed me. However, I’m just so worried that someway, somehow, it’s all going to come crashing down, as does every-fucking-thing-else. I’ve worked so hard on myself. I’m taking care of myself, I’m taking my meds, I’m bettering myself, but the ghosts of my past are always there, threatening to haunt me. I don’t want to be “crazy Ashley” anymore. I just want to be happy. How do you guys overcome all this bull shit?? (Posted on my main, now my anxiety is through the roof. Fuck it, it stays.)",1.4974375000000002,3.620650868750001,3.686875000000004,86.44062500000004,80.9375,6.125,23.125,7.292943589461545,0.9930312499999996,1218,42,248,17,32,417,166,320,0.194,0.708,0.098,-0.991,1,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,1,2,0,4,18,14,5,1,9,0,17,3,1,3,6,42,55,20,2,3,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,20,13,0,1,4,0,0,14,7,7,0,2,6,5,31,7,38,44,6,43,0,1,0,2,18,13,2,5,13,152,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737537784762718,0.0,0.0,0.09978359590887356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291554909599734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623084300852137,0.0,0.09882455283736613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362306226143588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122697552920456,0.0,0.08813101572874084,0.0,0.0,0.12550381921715573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159830464488603,0.0,0.0,0.17167674839651634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273324581694243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720308903620089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324354961190693,0.0,0.08825900910866899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050385284465682766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476097793660513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212344855804692,0.05206223746476718,0.0,0.5096929392036688,0.0,0.07969802237520572,0.0,0.0,0.19733539775129136,0.0,0.106077699655907,0.17853099713080614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231112126611108,0.0,0.06679230066663026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095284381829244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637160416460848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102795612077252,0.0,0.0,0.22137407720996727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685507970219432,0.1924823179757272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456435625441232,0.0,0.06752441426764326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025157051513295,0.0,0.1740184834225429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543573420909188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017428302320758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245527225378637,0.0,0.21397043039468955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395513611073304,0.0,0.10228777105299187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084431865363219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621206081813493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984656724440748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240409416119095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058105851808077875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632583197832347,0.0790963548009602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509061485071956,0.10119790640415796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shan146,2018/01/26,Judging by her song “hot n cold” do you think Katy Perry had an ex with BPD? The way she describes him in the lyrics sounds textbook to me,-0.4267241379310356,1.8128145172413817,0.6650862068965537,103.20728448275864,93.48275862068964,2.9000000000000004,17.594827586206893,3.1291,-1.140041379310345,107,3,25,0,4,33,28,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7770820034240191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3953446687528937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4897409037880922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kaykez22,2018/01/26,"recently been diagnosed with BPD.. and everything makes sense so.. i(f22) was diagnosed with anxiety and ocd at 18 and depression at 21. i started seeing a therapist who has diagnosed me with bpd. i had no idea what that even was until he told me about it. i started doing a lot of research and reading the BPD subreddit, and i feel like everything makes sense. and i dont feel so alone, knowing theres so many other people who feel the same way i do. this... constant feeling of emptiness. intense mood swings.. not being able to connect with anyone because of the paranoia and fear of abandonment. my mother died when i was 9 years old and i was raped at the age of 11, so im realiziing that that is where all this may have started. i guess.. im writing this because im grateful that im able to say how i feel and i have you beautiful strangers who are going through the same thing to help me and support me. thank you for being here, you are all so wonderful and strong. i plan on writing a lot on this subreddit. already, i feel like it is helping me cope.",2.6671729323308284,4.705664133333336,3.948145363408525,86.4422932330827,76.71428571428571,7.2781954887218046,28.67167919799499,8.20500826718156,2.071047619047619,828,37,165,15,19,271,115,210,0.131,0.7240000000000001,0.145,0.2934,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,0,2,12,10,1,1,8,0,19,4,0,3,2,39,38,19,1,0,1,1,6,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,16,15,0,1,9,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,7,8,22,5,21,28,6,18,0,2,1,1,14,6,0,5,12,116,38,2,0.20043701541379316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379614966381699,0.11059361534562437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666688408565751,0.0,0.0,0.07007511078503091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218454420713205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37866510642497053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830060355402656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631805383633212,0.30515902721845706,0.10401098853794476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745534464398436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661933791571482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013986520055486,0.0,0.0,0.11277368357391294,0.3040409323550238,0.1431922438608232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695648746624574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040198497361048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434870640091198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131344965624022,0.4330127436228581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507747089530871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792340126646308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704043828093061,0.0,0.0,0.1337932642076391,0.10160583689801696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516246527081297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947889455703399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002456282583776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895368590970408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969777980488528,0.0,0.0,0.079861175308463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128055267303092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372677490273855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226773711535828,0.0,0.1163614117885136,0.06658072335883645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576307888373538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954878663017527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086826965728096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453743317039795 bpd,momma_bear87,2018/01/26,"Starting DBT I’m seeing a doctor to start medication next week, and starting DBT and seeing a DBT therapist one-on-one soon after. Any tips to get the most out of it? Do’s and don’ts?",2.751754385964912,4.144898736842109,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,74.78947368421053,7.171929824561403,23.192982456140356,7.793537801064563,1.044971929824562,144,4,30,2,3,49,29,38,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,9,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,9,1,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,7,16,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557357048840092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793129923084184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257300334840922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27490650292882785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29022006680959106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491634263692944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349136837507152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5794557567886317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168446372840535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188947329416868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IsThatCheeseStillOK,2018/01/26,"My friend is hurt that I don't show empathy. It's 5am the morning after my birthday and I've just got home after a night out celebrating that turned very drunken and angry towards the end. Not so much on my part, but on my friend's. Having gone through 9 months of MBT, I'm now a lot clearer on people's actions, what may perhaps lead then to behave /think /feel a certain way. I'm more clear about how perhaps my actions can affect others and how that might perceive me based on them. What I hadn't accounted for was being able to explain all of this and my friend still hurting and having negative feelings towards me about not showing empathy and feeling like I don't care. I've explained otherwise, but I totally understand that words don't always translate into emotionally stabilising comfort. I'm just not sure how to do that yet and I feel like all the positive things that I've achieved as well at celebrating my birthday are all now a little less significant...",5.957857142857144,6.6800212539682615,6.4107010582010595,77.1535119047619,66.6190476190476,9.051322751322752,34.79761904761905,9.075114841892004,3.1030031746031748,783,36,142,13,12,254,116,189,0.092,0.716,0.192,0.9656,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,13,12,0,0,7,0,14,0,0,5,7,41,29,15,0,0,7,0,4,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,12,9,0,0,9,2,1,4,8,2,1,0,4,4,15,10,21,22,9,25,0,2,0,0,6,10,0,3,12,103,27,2,0.1648478337556626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716660336933928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807335304609494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854316250632907,0.14600625127819494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334080714802512,0.2355346507464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820830823106782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318438717906084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653558181277305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35294603099886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610726495746064,0.16522083650298885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014773324474328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487750092760382,0.0,0.0,0.13157996816369774,0.0,0.12118212544526552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469852488117622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851413965325433,0.0,0.11428473164819412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164769297989995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536713242073444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951757581233608,0.10562783560683968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793071058790574,0.0,0.17161240861074958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601672711019672,0.0,0.13084853740017724,0.0,0.0,0.14821799997529622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,leg94,2018/01/26,"Wife keeps bringing up past relationships First of this isn't a complaining post, its me seeking advice. Ive been married to my wife for a yr now. And shes been recently diagnosed with BPD. My question to this community is insecurities. My wife will randomly bring up ex-girlfriends and start to get frustrated with me saying she doesn't have their personality or look the same way or whatever it is she brings up at that time. I tried to comfort her with it i chose you I love you you're my wife. Im not going to leave. I say things i love about her. But sometimes its not enough and it leads to arguements. Is there any advice i could get to help with this. Maybe even just understandimg her perspective could help? ",2.4803809523809552,5.052521514285715,3.4742857142857133,86.77738095238097,80.28571428571429,7.447619047619049,23.619047619047624,8.447377352677275,1.6257476190476194,572,20,116,13,15,183,89,140,0.044,0.821,0.135,0.8966,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,2,5,6,1,1,3,0,13,3,0,1,0,20,24,6,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,10,7,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,2,3,22,3,18,19,2,17,0,0,1,2,23,4,0,4,6,79,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33133087099005143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152880795543951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352055649461826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707162024138266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207216668629532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517264367651394,0.0,0.11197477861637098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420446557675798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771477232353819,0.0,0.09634936538982013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22726844962731266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18312445565789226,0.0,0.0,0.15068849256858352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179510697469746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236480718182495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060198412095236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031842825842053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618381873306904,0.0,0.14802945301783996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236550572647654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991547285052865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739313227547264,0.18201472136961835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963848540446045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767221891540496,0.0,0.11999614889678037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263002211329848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988559064659816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510160486312646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456720121460808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,casperthetrendyghost,2018/01/26,"Newly diagnosed mindfuck: I feel like I was just told that there is a new color in the rainbow that everyone knew about and could see but me. I recently took a dissociative test at my new doctor’s office and I apparently scored very high dissociation on it, answering 80-100% dissociation on almost every question. Until now, I thought that everyone was like me. I thought everyone would just kind of notice at some point during the day, “This does not really feel real right now.” Other thoughts that cross my mind like this are like these: - I don’t feel like the current situation I’m in is really happening. - I don’t feel like I am really here - I don’t believe that I am really real - This is not real life (I even have a joke with my friends, where if something really crazy happens, for instance someone almost hits my car on the highway, I will often say to my friend jokingly, “OH MY GOD, IS THIS REAL LIFE?!” Often while driving my car, I suddenly get a feeling that what I am doing, where I am, my entire environment, and sometimes myself, are not really real. One thing that really is I guess odd, is that oftentimes I feel like I am starring in a movie of myself and that everyone (including me) is watching, Sometime I will get the feeling that someone is watching me (like how you just know someone is looking over your shoulder, or watching you if you were to turn around), and then as soon as I feel that someone is watching me (this happens a lot while driving), I will become hyper aware of my whole body and how I am presenting myself to the said person I think is watching me. I instantly fell into acting mode and pay close attention to how I hold my body, what my posture conveys, my facial expression, I slightly pout my lips and try to appear nonchalant, I close my eyes slightly or raise my head higher and look lower with my eyes as to seem disinterested with my surroundings. I sometimes feel(?) or thing (?) that when other people see me that they are watching me and that I am an actor trying to play myself when I am out in public, but I don’t know who that person is. I have just always noticed this feeling/thought/whatever it may be, then went on with my day. Now I have come to find out that I am dissociating very often, and probably for most, if not all of my days. I have never known anything else. This is how I have functioned as far back as I can remember. Now I find out that this is not the same experience of most other people, and I don’t really know what to do. Is there anything you can tell me about dissociation or bpd? I am new to this.",6.809503467611037,6.256093627490042,7.598162903939798,73.70296074959423,64.91633466135458,10.544606758152577,33.53283163641729,9.994966539143718,3.1994185332743106,2019,75,380,39,27,678,214,502,0.023,0.8859999999999999,0.091,0.9859,3,0,1,0,0,0,68.0,0,5,1,0,28,14,0,0,14,0,52,12,8,4,2,95,89,37,0,5,18,0,9,8,2,5,4,2,0,2,38,24,0,1,25,4,1,11,11,0,0,1,11,24,79,14,45,70,7,60,0,0,13,0,18,25,0,21,32,292,117,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664256919622294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261705628158697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407496495238502,0.05629306010976906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862424665420725,0.0,0.0,0.06983871404821519,0.0,0.07124482798856274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048091590583855,0.07964298121764453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054471840511850465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050488453613364105,0.0,0.0,0.12234512540846065,0.0,0.0,0.06418276799415064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472428092036338,0.05533786960071546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052825200855121934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041766494695410335,0.0,0.0532786913525116,0.2416971713571611,0.0,0.06185651711854831,0.0,0.0,0.2877642178890573,0.1807020028223209,0.0,0.0,0.11559232271411103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977112822526256,0.0,0.06607594615715426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966110475816559,0.0,0.16775700548607578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648979337751597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681184693855961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585011062995813,0.1042578393161143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933030017387883,0.2471496256350647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620389765349317,0.0,0.0,0.05376061655488828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384989483089107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877116654602755,0.18321990993052592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439882211349447,0.0,0.0,0.042850055805435085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876791581849908,0.11042971355926727,0.0,0.0,0.05977804904088984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817863503361983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083830562026455,0.0,0.0,0.35987958844653944,0.3240825805426293,0.0,0.06243749224264585,0.0,0.07163356879732095,0.054002827516164746,0.0601515036922402,0.05028745986141814,0.0,0.0,0.10078111730695513,0.057567283967979825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107942520998453,0.0,0.0,0.21431715813073365,0.04868182781542769,0.18762477394728447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055270671561967535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402179989577173,0.04051879710152271,0.0,0.2008079024468386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060424292839290274,0.07025704012894503,0.08586559631288496,0.06878213683197283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435192838192317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862000284884768,0.0,0.07060025072934638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044920731491072084,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hellokittypusheen,2018/01/26,"Running away constantly I’m a lurker and this is my first ever post. Recently diagnosed and coming to terms with everything. Anyone else always feel like they’re running away from their problems? For me, it’s not just avoiding an issue or a person, it’s physically moving. I’ve lived in 5 States + Australia in the past 6 years... and every time I move to a new place and something goes wrong, I hate the place suddenly and need to move. I just moved to a new city and I’m already itching to get out because I couldn’t find a job before my visa expires (yes I’m international.) now, I’m applying to law school and the idea of committing to one State for the rest of my life has me so restless and anxious. If I hate it, I won’t be able to leave. If any of you experience a similar “sensation” (maybe not to my extreme), how do you cope? I’m scared of the commitment because I KNOW I’ll change my mind at some time, and then I’ll feel like crap. Sorry for the long rant. Took a lot of courage for me to post here. ",2.882063397129187,4.131281928229669,4.40963815789474,86.7134046052632,74.2153110047847,7.713038277511963,26.459629186602868,8.278499904357787,1.574791626794259,789,28,171,13,16,264,129,209,0.141,0.79,0.069,-0.9304,1,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,1,1,7,11,3,3,14,1,6,4,2,1,3,36,20,15,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,12,0,1,5,0,1,8,4,8,0,2,1,2,18,3,27,16,4,35,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,5,17,96,22,2,0.11056376621438346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220098653597854,0.0,0.09199791056901133,0.0,0.0,0.07518715241887551,0.0,0.0,0.12490558509740587,0.0,0.07730875607270705,0.11328564430803766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077565957900734,0.0,0.0,0.13479729133702428,0.0,0.09408162164227188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696180442259255,0.09524089460877612,0.0,0.11948015278020364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221989535860408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236183943950944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001125643598432,0.09315474161175337,0.0,0.09936758388068727,0.1081525788810451,0.0,0.0,0.11180872453492187,0.15797355335048124,0.0,0.0,0.10105327928843556,0.09404548306042844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776500449585149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183176580989668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481303418816148,0.0,0.11539984655954205,0.10971747769877778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076295441914035,0.0,0.0,0.11707106427346076,0.0,0.0,0.07809445783624491,0.10803174276159608,0.0,0.09762983118939912,0.09784545386090916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399736023777326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107616394257984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163788568971478,0.0,0.0,0.4700471438094966,0.0,0.08198163169957058,0.0,0.21356634875257408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492086939962625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554562540254636,0.0,0.0965400160151319,0.231031206791916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117790507710648,0.0,0.0,0.10579459230438007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916838062456168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069361798556207,0.11189643412672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511738888872414,0.0,0.12376708428813868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289412424197243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284041243272645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208841217646316,0.0,0.07119944046659601 bpd,thetaReset,2018/01/26,"31 and just diagnosed... 🤔 Soooo I’m a 31 year old woman and previously diagnosed with addiction, impulse control disorder, anxiety, depression , CPTSD, and yesterday I was officially dx with BPD. I knew it was coming and it’s actually super validating knowing for sure but omg. Now what? I guess life still goes on and I stay in recovery and DBT? Told my mom and she was like “oh wow. How are your meds going?” 😐 She’s not the support I need and doesn’t understand anyway. Can you guys just share your stories with me so that I know I’m not alone?! Also are there support groups that aren’t DBT groups?? 😘 thx",0.91,3.4918457142857164,3.104705882352941,85.27117647058826,91.85714285714286,7.169747899159664,22.966386554621852,8.124751697461798,1.897080672268907,476,19,94,13,17,161,85,119,0.11,0.718,0.172,0.8667,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,2,9,8,0,0,2,0,8,5,0,2,1,26,21,12,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,5,12,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,5,0,13,7,6,16,0,10,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,1,6,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.1695049696616655,0.18935732779443293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989956902679755,0.0,0.13890686532191895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328791043820886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876755439058976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962613339857872,0.0,0.0,0.19481797090762346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960651945841175,0.3526012455442392,0.0,0.0,0.1990738700872385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871702930835866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134880803174031,0.17198911806041325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190920632590788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268859730785155,0.08486045842033714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294020603828005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034339318866593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12879545715420831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226766832189933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851398063971567,0.1387160837765887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942226731545585,0.16370906066917187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597664437131568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082657364596236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185633042318563 bpd,Toeofthesea,2018/01/26,"Just some relatable af music xerces by deftones: https://youtu.be/wHemVruENeI stinkfist by tool: https://youtu.be/q-H3yLtrHPo ",22.036153846153844,29.852188384615392,7.821923076923079,50.56057692307695,49.769230769230774,11.830769230769231,44.96153846153846,10.125756701596842,7.653338461538462,111,5,8,3,2,23,12,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IntentKitten,2018/01/27,"Going to My Psych Eval for Federal Disability Hello, I tagged this as venting but I'm also seeking some emotional support. Today is my appointment for my psychiatric evaluation for social security income/disability (I live in the US). I am feeling a bunch of emotions: shame, anxiety, and anger. I feel ashamed that I had to apply for disability in the first place. I feel anxious that - because I have made progress in my recovery - the evaluator/psychiatrist will not think I am sick enough to get disability. When my disability truly started in August 2016, it was very obvious. When I applied for benefits in October 2017, it was very obvious. But now that it's January 2018, I am feeling better. I have my confidence back in some ways. I've also been meditating, stretching, taking baths, and prioritizing many other self-care things. I am angry that it's taking so long to get help while my husband and I scrape by on his student loans, but when/if those disappear, we will have no back up. We have no savings because we had to burn through that to get help. We would have no way to pay rent. We would have no way to feed our animals. We would have no way to afford getting to the doctor, therapist, etc. We will have nothing. And it's looking more and more like my husband will have to take a break again before he can finish because the remaining, final classes he needs for his degree are only offered certain times of the school year. I do not want to hire a lawyer because we will need the back pay (if we even get anything). But we might have to hire a lawyer. I'm scared. My livelihood is in the the line; but the old fear (that I've been fighting through in therapy) is rearing its head: *what if I'm not sick enough for help?* I'm sick to my stomach. And it's bittersweet because it's almost better if I dysregulate during the evaluation. It's almost better if I dissociate during the evaluation. But my worst dysregulation episodes happen behind closed doors. I've tried embracing the panic in public, to really show people, but I can't. It's when I'm by myself or alone with my husband that it happens. I can control it long enough to keep most of the ""crazy"" hidden. But the caveat is the fear that she'll think I'm faking it *because* I have BPD. There's nothing that can be done here. I just needed to reach out to my community. I love you all. I'll see you on the other side of this eval I guess.",3.2443994314143545,5.382417729211088,4.741545842217484,80.95712331201138,75.33262260127933,7.622316986496093,27.371357498223173,8.491030156203081,2.117311869225301,1901,76,359,37,42,635,224,469,0.147,0.715,0.139,-0.4658,3,1,0,0,2,0,70.0,12,2,0,6,15,20,2,6,21,0,43,9,2,2,4,64,78,27,0,11,17,3,4,1,0,10,5,0,3,0,29,19,1,3,6,2,4,2,9,10,0,1,8,6,53,10,49,59,12,44,0,0,2,1,31,17,0,12,21,250,82,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654988315410176,0.08558742076635965,0.0,0.13217019244634445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321738222792947,0.0933567363839726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680035362580349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062917130254034,0.0,0.3022499398119905,0.0,0.0703183379941322,0.0,0.0,0.21925818556814386,0.0,0.0,0.1040789081871887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268486711291372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458287708973765,0.0,0.08456674783639959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591189702226066,0.0,0.25615956323963424,0.09216254144367624,0.05458122109750027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598009152891434,0.16713580283371487,0.0,0.0,0.0905252287162256,0.0,0.07029132735200742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587314501320085,0.0,0.0469647368802813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103440900247203,0.0,0.14615195383867105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480980982448044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617031510407748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345191507735123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04037245781375763,0.0,0.07297033520520911,0.14626299112789254,0.0693946004029708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458347683143766,0.07819350277313906,0.0,0.08378134972322726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876652187372736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183823747503434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585856216049482,0.0,0.08671404664924992,0.0,0.0,0.06284946391533662,0.0,0.09695717971507184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057290365799641425,0.0,0.0863384909975171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293963232803173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827344502298073,0.08363345718230585,0.06585130600855163,0.0,0.08620882722409387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842384190841811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05849117466195353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377593839008123,0.0,0.0,0.18639911372829615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945030649586832,0.09594838675584184,0.05490061436284467,0.10590141400810396,0.0,0.0,0.04818653052308592,0.0,0.07833058946123375,0.0,0.0,0.056105367845691964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940261326293236,0.0,0.0,0.1363690134041857,0.048741677589237316,0.2623748759398752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610970673426488,0.0,0.0,0.05321577405159927 bpd,sotheblue,2018/01/27,"Suicide prevention Hello guys, new here, i'm sorry if it's against the rules but i kinda have nowhere else to ask for help. Thing is, i have bpd, so with that comes all that low self steem, self harm, 3 suicidal tries in 3 days (not the ones for attention but ones Where i drove far away and shut off my phone) ok well, Back to topic, i have Been through Breakups before and even though they have been bad thanks to bdp no one was like this one. See, this girl that i knew for like 10 years had a breakup with her ex, who is a weed and cocaine addict and beats her daily and aproached me cause she always thought i was a nice guy, i said it maybe wasnt a good ideia becase we were such good friends but evetually we started a relationship, he never gave gifts for her and even though im not rich, my car broke and i used the money for repairing for buying gifts for her. My regret is because even though i have bpd i think im a nice guy and a i try a lot to be the best i can, in fact im pretty sure im not uglier tham him. TLDR:i'm into medical school and i desperately need something to numb my feelings for at at lest a month before i suicie or get kicked (therapy won't work short term, as with antidepressants, but mays be a possibility in the future) med school is my dream bui i can't live with this feeling of worthlessness and rejection anymore i just need a month of meds that numb my feelings for that time and i can try therapy, also i have gone from 82kg to 71 in like 6 days, idk id related to food or hipovolemia since i dont eat nor drink Sorry for rhe english and thanks a lot",2.5166360505166487,3.7548533582089583,3.7006716417910432,91.47950344431689,75.11940298507463,7.064293915040183,23.033869115958677,7.61054688173877,0.7086211251435128,1245,34,288,16,26,405,195,335,0.157,0.68,0.162,0.1799,0,0,3,0,0,1,27.0,2,0,1,3,14,24,0,0,17,1,25,7,0,2,4,52,46,26,2,4,11,1,3,3,1,2,4,1,0,6,12,20,3,1,7,2,3,4,10,9,1,4,13,5,35,15,36,29,5,30,0,5,1,0,26,14,0,7,15,172,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914156827040974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705980736839834,0.06977511190286838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316286038213093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839426760528319,0.0,0.07878570083902697,0.06448027486245482,0.07001646037118661,0.051117987512276065,0.0,0.14271097327082247,0.0,0.08800195369017194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211228005496912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614346100315187,0.0,0.07223472835365792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816067918434216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827889246913124,0.08214719390357941,0.0,0.08580587149923939,0.07005113097228674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661587732445597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720070843819273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139930210188723,0.0,0.06478712546045229,0.0,0.043811426018683854,0.0,0.0,0.14066927648069713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490925938008065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620707218459624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623165297182919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290377401448302,0.0,0.07404659903866424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258315843477629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424486731164414,0.0,0.1862907642550407,0.0844763428717925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386650652968046,0.0,0.0,0.12435668354720444,0.06467510430782818,0.08098888219705583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272926423605096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453531454461578,0.0,0.08531194616975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003022284402319,0.0,0.0,0.07976649014324662,0.0,0.0,0.16973398992289168,0.06682256890385667,0.0,0.17496069999141972,0.0,0.0,0.06936675089856731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455663283934644,0.0,0.1877403976391076,0.05935388052301245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834502392227937,0.0,0.0790335167919434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440712454279612,0.19179384442298456,0.0,0.055710361851423834,0.053731694658063364,0.2471649994659141,0.06657249024548549,0.04889724974776583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079865393670887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724248701269252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539683334177652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061048343752412325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054000671267981616 bpd,perhapsican4,2018/01/27,"Stop yourself from splitting. Has anyone here found any techniques/methods/anything which help them not split on someone? Basically I can feel the split coming on: The person does something a bit annoying or upsetting, I've had a rough day, the self loathing and hatred for that person come flooding in.... Is there anything I can do as soon as I recognizing this is starting to happen so as NOT TO SPLIT?? I'm curious to hear if you guys have been able to subvert the split lol. Thanks x",6.049384057971015,7.003311836956524,5.909565217391307,80.00427536231886,66.5,8.307246376811595,33.811594202898554,8.344100000000001,2.6489507246376816,387,17,70,5,6,121,70,92,0.16399999999999998,0.7290000000000001,0.107,-0.7744,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,1,1,6,1,9,0,0,0,0,10,18,7,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,3,5,1,12,15,1,9,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,4,44,8,0,0.2111105504038708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356241356387162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14761340540717385,0.0,0.3474519903954708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304780438878457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637060923346169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614884027041246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474426530732144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067438374465008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314718219848786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903263565328545,0.18668436251884352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379369333526208,0.0,0.14150295191629958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686671793982655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023434557148894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887328427756966,0.1625232156292196,0.0,0.0,0.1494251341558995,0.0,0.0,0.17649787304233244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436223121492868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,momo_j,2018/01/27,"I attacked and wanted to murder my boyfriend Hi so little background, I’m 20 female, bpd sufferer for uncountable years but diagnosed last year. So I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years next month. I love him to death and he’s always supported me through my mental health issues, hospital admissions and much more. It was last week but I woke up in a horrid mood. I had ran out of tablets and I was very irritated. My boyfriend woke up also in a horrid mood and he snapped at me because I generally couldn’t see him cleaning up after he was sure I did (I didn’t). His cleaning and my cleaning are completely different and let’s say the room wasn’t tidied when he had finished so it got me mad. I got out of bed and started tidying it properly. 10-15 mins later he comes in the room offering to help tidy up by vacuuming. I told him no I want to do it myself and he kept saying why. I said to him you had your chance to help tidy up in the first place and you failed so I would rather do it on my own. Now, I’m so irritated to the point that every little thing would make me snap at him. Long story short, he got me really mad and I put my hands on him, punching kicking, pushing and throwing things at him(apparently made him bleed). I wanted him to leave my home immediately and he wouldn’t so I took his headphones that I brought him till he left and he threatened to throw my ps4 down my 3 flight of stairs apartment even though I lie for it ( he paid off his card and I gave him the cash) I rang my friend to collect me as I literally wanted to pull a knife on him. My mood was very psychotic and if my friend never came in time I would of been in custody or being charged of murder. The craziest thing is I don’t regret my actions yet he still wants to be with me and I don’t know why. I want to leave him simplify for his safety and I don’t want to hurt him again because I know I’m more than capable. I really don’t know what to do and I’m really depressed. I literally the same day booked a flight to Jamaica to get away and I’m here in Jamaica reminiscing about the whole event. Please help me, I feel like a monster and I feel as if I need to be alone forever ",1.8641431462349551,3.6577657423580803,3.5809958462030025,89.28491692406006,78.25764192139737,6.913707530088401,23.61614655447865,7.8500785054351265,1.0767856427734586,1722,57,380,28,41,575,217,458,0.159,0.736,0.104,-0.9838,2,1,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,3,0,2,18,19,5,0,14,0,30,5,1,2,2,64,70,38,3,17,6,0,3,1,2,4,3,4,8,0,12,27,0,5,5,1,2,11,10,10,0,1,27,8,75,6,61,34,6,70,0,5,1,1,46,34,0,4,26,243,87,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292577192875448,0.09611278905173323,0.0,0.07421210799306814,0.07721701482554913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557337075464156,0.08718863307875732,0.0,0.0,0.1131400091506092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168783222786614,0.0,0.0,0.1061384513688692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993896302120615,0.09729901017813623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984830794499575,0.0,0.07992848411620412,0.09419002312152214,0.0,0.0969562243842143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129350951994093,0.0,0.07818798296195109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384491328813864,0.06629632203417485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893561293770449,0.0,0.0,0.1433940638933981,0.0,0.048484157748431914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226618568800005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864203591396284,0.0,0.0,0.1866056051140604,0.0,0.0930859432706041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934429459798676,0.0,0.0,0.09685906568464814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530013211128524,0.15128873403030302,0.0,0.1965235525401516,0.1008274464225572,0.09489426376317844,0.0,0.04533738120168766,0.1860199125495393,0.0,0.08212505930472026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375560229830374,0.08780958194506988,0.06194470517924384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935205499199376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074072056192015,0.0,0.06821866071803784,0.06881000700140663,0.07157306311645206,0.0,0.09869382821775048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969562243842143,0.10186650731770826,0.08772597376657297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328960830237304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835012442927892,0.0,0.0,0.09963244576048677,0.0,0.0,0.08827402900546102,0.1475965326861959,0.0,0.0,0.07394956672965597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568430128323327,0.0,0.07411018142081183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530831404790762,0.08746287997838241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849565433735087,0.0,0.09117550612547162,0.0,0.0541124128035486,0.0,0.0,0.08867435477623938,0.10310418888132304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313939947190397,0.38315081514903,0.0,0.07443854385469134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747509006450287,0.10360786012202584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977673230686485,0.0,0.0,0.17928042765566354 bpd,hankscorpiogirl,2018/01/27,Therapist thinks I'm borderline. Where do I go from here? I was wondering if anyone has good advice on how to start this journey and some advice on managing the lows.,3.4792708333333318,5.863519218750002,4.795000000000002,79.68333333333338,75.5625,9.266666666666666,26.291666666666664,9.725611199111238,2.901279166666668,133,5,24,4,3,44,28,32,0.057,0.852,0.091,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,8,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,1,17,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6599195458654937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361013893944153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190131382109504,0.2832151867683058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389991727874617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920520522535145,0.0,0.2163604209629838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661804508977443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Aroostasha,2018/01/27,"Bates motel and BPD I have always been a fan of horror movies/shows, so of course I thought I would give bates motel a try. After watching the first few episodes I was hooked. I realized I sincerely felt for Norma Bates. She had these fits of anger and would say things she wouldn’t mean, and a majority of the time it burned bridges for her. I also felt that despite her erratic behaviors, she was inherently good. Deep down, she wanted what was best for her son, she wanted a new life to do better for herself and for her son. Has anyone else watched the show and related to her in any way?",3.7892307692307696,5.291889974358977,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,72.33333333333333,7.593162393162394,24.96581196581197,8.167268648758528,1.3251811965811964,465,14,96,7,9,147,76,117,0.062,0.81,0.129,0.7906,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,7,0,11,1,0,0,0,15,18,7,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,5,18,4,14,7,3,9,0,0,2,0,15,4,0,0,4,65,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785107110722816,0.17464749347076586,0.0,0.0,0.14273419504794907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676181652313622,0.2150598171441942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202693799174993,0.1856329863562376,0.0,0.0,0.2643524367414759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533837073788014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030597064815325,0.0,0.0,0.17853457526549246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134814918901925,0.0,0.1760479910078794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825338130725718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22863462081634384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20271562293450748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691505451782246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944334580566353,0.0,0.0,0.16663131363610306,0.12239008828748688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250332716414074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476002384346363,0.1666030106448264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982034235364265,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xray223,2018/01/27,"therapy/treatment issues (mainly not being in it) [long, need advice] so i've been in and out of treatment for a really long time, but most recently (june of last year) a really traumatizing thing happened to me where my therapist (who i was really basically obsessive and codependent with but loved) suddenly broke and decided that she couldn't see me anymore. she said it was because she realized she wasn't good for me and that i was moving soon, but basically i couldn't find a different therapist and things started devolving and before i tried to kill myself, i tried to call her and express my suicidal thoughts and she just told me on the phone that she wasn't my therapist anymore and she couldn't help me. tl;dr i spent 6 weeks in the hospital, got out, moved across the state and started school 10 days after. fast forward to now, where things have stabilized, i have a psychiatrist, haven't done therapy, tried but was too triggered from my past experience, and things have devolved again where the depression and suicidal thoughts are really really bad, somewhat associated with current life, very associated with my still-very-alive fixation about how my ex-therapist abandoned me. don't know what to do. in the past, have been told that it's really difficult for me to seek outpatient treatment because i'm generally not stable enough to get into deep issues and not totally decompensate, but residential facilities are very expensive and insurance had issues covering them. i had a few short res stays (<2 weeks) and a few longer inpatient stays (4-6 weeks) but obviously inpatient isn't ideal for like, therapy, and again, residential is crazy expensive and also BPD specialized ones are often private pay. my ex-therapist was like, a special case because we actually got through some of my issues, but it was at the level of her talking to me on the phone 3-4 times a week (almost every day), often taking emergency calls on weekends or in the middle of the night, plus seeing her in person weekly. she would let me leave her voicemails when i would be feeling bad, and it would be like several a day, every day (i know i am literally a terrible person). in the dark months i would try to OD on stuff like, weekly, usually ~24 hours after therapy, and i barely got through it with extensive help from her. it was def not an ideal situation, and there's no way i could replicate that situation even if she still existed because i couldn't sustain that level of functioning at the new school i'm at. also, i don't have her anymore. also, i don't want to be so close to someone else ever again because that ""breakup"" ruined me in several ways that i don't ever care to experience again. but ... i probably need therapy. am traumatized, having PTSD signs, BARELY controlled by a ton of medication. my psychiatrist agrees that we can hold off on thinking about therapy until i'm more stabilized on meds currently cuz this right now is a more recent dip. but i don't know what kind of therapy treatment i need? on one hand, not delving into the issues grants me a sufficient level of functioning to be in school, albeit i have many horrible days like this where i cry in bed and think about suicide. on the other hand, theoretically fixing my issues would give me a better life. on the other other hand, outpatient treatment didn't seem to work and probably would do more harm than good (methinks) if it wasn't, like, super intensive (but also... that's unrealistic). on the other other other hand, i suck at groups (ex: IOP, PHP) and they always kick me out bc i'm SUPER borderline and somehow manipulate the group dynamic in a bad way (i know i do this, but honestly never realize til it's too late, i'm just a really bad person guys) so that's why we went with individual therapy previously. also, i have already taken a medical leave previously and it didn't help, i ended up in PHP/res/IOP for a lot of it and it wasn't super helpful because it was too much me getting involved with other people instead of working on myself. i also kind of devolved with all the extra time i had on my hands for not being in school. so i don't think taking another leave would be helpful in the least. residential i honestly think could be helpful, but i never got an honest shot at it and also, crazy expensive. *tl;dr it seems that not doing therapy and numbing myself with (prescribed) benzos is the path of least harm right now, but has no long term improvement, but the options of trying to do therapy and get better seems kind of a toss up in terms of effectiveness and would also probably make me deteriorate even more. if i got better in the long run, theoretically it's worth it, but i've tried a lot of stuff before and it didn't help so i don't want to take the risk. also, i'm poor, and a really bad person, and maybe unfixable (or unwilling, idk)*",8.135401891252954,7.4015302581699345,8.840518703935476,66.46892991239051,62.32244008714597,12.47507532563853,36.41644648403096,11.748715544075012,4.435202401149585,3859,155,674,107,47,1308,350,918,0.209,0.73,0.062,-0.9994,3,0,1,0,0,2,134.0,3,0,2,12,46,45,2,2,45,0,76,11,5,7,7,147,128,73,5,24,29,1,6,6,0,8,5,1,1,5,49,51,0,3,19,1,7,5,31,18,0,2,34,9,84,27,103,71,22,125,0,4,2,1,48,56,1,18,66,487,133,7,0.0,0.0,0.03704172501094007,0.0,0.0,0.037092311071797335,0.0,0.0,0.03800965152716634,0.0,0.041887814590483984,0.2731964098687351,0.0315842609059777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039802479485823265,0.0,0.0,0.11293299609406895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584675460753863,0.1388337884852492,0.0,0.06459926026641559,0.0,0.0,0.10071282256586107,0.0,0.0,0.047807020686336604,0.0,0.07751912681054081,0.0,0.038700911909705885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042573345902208896,0.06061306368527801,0.0,0.04169529733407702,0.12239948521621714,0.0,0.03269333969784855,0.0,0.0,0.039658237168685634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388444146235636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031709203139186445,0.0,0.03361969620153949,0.03922096465749166,0.0,0.05014206262426761,0.06867072517781242,0.06396283666654529,0.0,0.0,0.0742608010965824,0.0,0.0,0.019192805061733008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03469310464454912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059494774238269585,0.036412961620810265,0.0,0.06367506993046909,0.15179318956656712,0.0,0.0,0.03758458308794187,0.033566308497142344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809805659322794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03738117822568315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377109766756438,0.0,0.0,0.041995121317149206,0.11858286391167322,0.08344333013313497,0.030940996997511013,0.04281849987620888,0.12057675057021262,0.0,0.03881482846686283,0.05362199459433531,0.1112667470947668,0.0,0.0,0.13436724047720813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454140386147053,0.034258755033503965,0.0,0.025337391435621224,0.038483654268776736,0.03813411109772878,0.0,0.042163000116688526,0.07647778071240441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030297870927752556,0.0806871130896615,0.02790364252804507,0.08443656695294126,0.05855140358422824,0.036660263466953294,0.0,0.03562119678986761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144291368759739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724707887294453,0.02631543461222034,0.13257453500107075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277607011638388,0.0,0.0443711013436856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945359452296637,0.0,0.07495828100884426,0.0,0.0,0.06483218615663748,0.03610693795440307,0.0,0.0,0.15366288856118104,0.0604955375379432,0.10366715158461592,0.0,0.08576391711355068,0.0,0.0,0.08533320826101408,0.0,0.0,0.03216185737759316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053734014811203434,0.08091677560640999,0.06062693076318665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690610893632493,0.12456032088366772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561952119920836,0.030509361143896636,0.0,0.0,0.3906765601296237,0.22036196335799865,0.10087095847764382,0.09728832053257294,0.0,0.06026913733943096,0.06640119025970491,0.0,0.0,0.07254136833052732,0.0,0.15462674587570366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04180559161183296,0.06263897612246191,0.04477745643919516,0.0903883505801654,0.1826866575362393,0.0,0.0,0.035187629166838666,0.03425136902663056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055268039401732284,0.0,0.0,0.21571531419904014,0.0,0.0,0.024443834540890948 bpd,totential_rigger,2018/01/27,"To those who've had DBT, how did you work alongside it? I'm sure the general structure is similar everywhere right? I am required to be there Tuesday mornings and then a random hour for my one to one whenever I can book that. I've recently got a new job. I'm so excited about it because I'm been unemployed for a year due to my mental health so actually attending an interview and getting the job was a big deal for me. I'm due to start my DBT soonish. Not sure when, next few months probably. I'm due to start my job in March. I worried about getting this time off. I'm commuting quite distance so realistically I'd need the whole Tuesday off due to the hours. I'm on a 18 months contact and I don't want my request for time off to put them off keeping me on. It also will cut my pay by a fifth which sucks. Do I have any rights for pay? Just feeling so anxious about it all, I'm so happy to have got this job but I feel they aren't compatible so I don't know what to do.",1.2985880566801598,3.0371197596153863,3.5429352226720674,89.15995951417005,79.76923076923076,7.071255060728745,25.85121457489879,8.032893268588372,1.4710730769230769,762,31,173,14,19,262,118,208,0.057,0.893,0.05,0.4214,6,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,3,14,6,2,0,11,0,16,1,0,1,3,19,37,14,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,3,1,2,2,4,2,0,2,6,2,18,4,26,29,3,33,0,0,0,0,7,10,1,1,21,103,28,11,0.0,0.0,0.12799605686558935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489091304079944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919526066746805,0.0,0.0,0.14817672784730732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995567827260941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522317676043075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263979295598172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370543894191011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098058847727344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962533176913414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942001502214885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25833804513500136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206357048129292,0.11658360019694015,0.0,0.0,0.07208369227958801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218133987106498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093859294635741,0.0,0.0,0.09725561846855912,0.0,0.1266779332236222,0.1394932179290556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777587329894768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141577592754265,0.0,0.0,0.1318549284837516,0.0,0.13950787507739046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295075269270156,0.0,0.0,0.22402477702036286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567553248019394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24723893677746764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529642679422345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773632688406784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643867881259776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548814360055403,0.13320227815889968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446459863801932 bpd,GhostMonkeyInSpace,2018/01/27,"Tolerance around other people As much as I like someone I find myself only being able to be around people for a certain amount of time, after a while I feel like I just want to be alone and for it to be quiet. ",18.12545454545455,5.4425660909090885,16.58818181818182,54.50227272727275,58.54545454545455,18.50909090909091,50.81818181818182,8.841846274778883,5.353390909090908,164,3,33,1,1,56,31,44,0.045,0.7170000000000001,0.238,0.765,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,6,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,3,11,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,28,7,0,0.28576262718771256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29596390026729785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5087786467845171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449017051234456,0.2041488779609746,0.0,0.0,0.2611818642230759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792183704321454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210068411252268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733535493340936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962236496433044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421257466813731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663048595532873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855020136968427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WhatisLeftUnread,2018/01/27,"DAE swing back and forth with indecision for attention? As of right now im confusing myself. I thought I just got done ridding myself of someone who I felt was enabling me because they couldn't return their feelings. However, my brain was like ""you need that attention though, so maybe you should profusely apologise so you can recieve that attention again"" like.. I feel messed up...im simply desiring just touch and my sanity is making me question myself and my actions in attempts to make a small step towards feeling healthy.",5.79031914893617,8.328113936170215,5.562712765957446,76.10875000000001,69.21276595744679,8.955319148936171,35.15425531914894,9.516144504307137,3.8528978723404266,426,22,67,10,8,132,73,94,0.065,0.8370000000000001,0.099,0.4939,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,2,2,8,5,0,2,1,0,7,1,1,2,0,23,16,7,0,4,2,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,5,17,2,8,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,3,6,47,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033066813045253,0.0,0.13503293813531714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472829925043536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266858303297071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360125511431389,0.0,0.2126882721514781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716505988698136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785464757498873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644119836954484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957247610310717,0.0,0.22254068498254795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424989688913505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481464856686852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189171829379202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768817641449828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176364766191244,0.17585745046543175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MaydayJane,2018/01/27,"Do you feel this way too? No matter how good I have it I feel like it's not enough. I'm not enough or the people around me aren't enough even though I know that they are beyond enough. I feel like I won't ever be loved like I love those around me. Full and beyond the normal. I want to feel surrounded by love and understanding and compassion yet I seem to only attract those who barely scratch the surface. ",1.875,3.920788642857147,2.6930952380952395,94.45607142857143,79.23809523809524,5.628571428571429,17.642857142857142,6.6274283507984215,-0.2658285714285711,322,6,71,3,8,101,54,84,0.058,0.652,0.29,0.9604,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,1,20,18,6,0,2,3,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,12,8,7,16,5,10,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,2,5,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268414066274243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6230953485871746,0.0,0.09957457147787202,0.13636969990432785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30491212199243856,0.21540381383984186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644908227371915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285293230709892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22095897300275832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081963134291435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771132696997105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465863736914896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451696590150296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724488190976844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481194668542889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694492169136512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892127294827383,0.11966508495478413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mhbatman,2018/01/27,"There is no day where I didn't feel like I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself right now so bad This really unbearable. I just can't have any kind of an interpersonal relationship without ruining it and then ruining myself for ruining it. and that is only one problem. The most persistent and annoying one though. I am so tired of this emotional swings throughout the day, and everyday. Every time I feel emotional I can't stop thinking about dying in the most extreme shocking way and see people's faces, how will they react to it. It's almost like I don't really want to die. But I want them to have an excessive emotional experience out of my death. There is a lot and a lot. and it's getting worse and worse. I honestly feel it's getting worse each day. In fact, it has always been ""the worst"". I never know what being ""relaxed"" is, I am always dwelling very deep in my emotions. I am always restless and irritated. it sucks Edit: no one become my friend, and actually STAYS my friend. I either sexualize the relationship by jumping on anyone (I am a man), and if I can't I become very emotional with those people and start telling them too much, then their friendship suddenly diminish! and when they go, I start to think of ways to make sure they suffer as well. i start hating them from all my heart, then with the very first nice thing they do they suddenly become the best old friend, then they become hated by me. it's freaking me out, because i no longer know what I feel about anyone anymore. The same people can seems nice and I feel like I am glad I met them turn to be evil and obnoxious minutes after that or days or the opposite. I don't know if I am thinking too much through things, and thats how people normally feel and think. I am not diagnosed yet with any personality disorder. I started going to therapy two months ago or so. And I am mentioning those symptoms a lot to see if my therapist would talk about BPD or not, but he wouldn't, however, he asked me ponce a question which I knew he is getting information for that from it. BUT, now I feel like I am deceiving my therapist. I am telling the truth, but I am intentionally focusing on BPD symptoms. However, I stopped doing that for two weeks now. I am tired. Today I wished that ""my friend"", one of the few people I considered as a friend once, to die SO bad. I hated and hated every wove ad every word from him. I started to be iffy with him as I am now feeling like he is a trash ad he doesn't need my respect. I won't be able to stop if I kept on writing.",3.93620342235727,5.15346361932939,5.301194093501788,81.46166799936032,71.58382642998028,8.794690548536702,27.90388613465537,9.21561531244674,2.274612601951063,1993,72,401,42,37,668,218,507,0.2,0.7140000000000001,0.086,-0.9958,2,0,0,0,0,3,62.0,0,0,11,3,23,42,9,2,20,0,41,7,2,5,5,95,86,46,6,14,17,0,8,5,5,4,5,0,0,2,25,26,0,4,19,1,0,3,16,21,1,7,5,10,71,21,47,73,14,51,0,4,2,0,36,11,1,16,39,286,96,1,0.05675177119389799,0.0,0.05538154214382965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050307020957458815,0.0,0.05682870107432447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416660597687745,0.0,0.0,0.0771863010260165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056282507368518656,0.07936431592635773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305524514031773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947707168476768,0.03459535296890424,0.2507114900937822,0.0,0.0,0.059557482561955935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295373825756358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464007898526959,0.0,0.0,0.057601853146407735,0.17669813565035902,0.0,0.06504244653108268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191905200678157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344744474404014,0.0,0.0,0.05551412203873162,0.0,0.0,0.22956320572451616,0.16217390672184315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827302758587388,0.0,0.0,0.21923138822775154,0.0,0.0889513743175088,0.0,0.06450667882914524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241224987939744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725112211389378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255748527032172,0.05909823650060151,0.0935678677833886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863024381324285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474497921952664,0.0,0.0,0.037882247956652425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045298722323489735,0.0,0.0834381635400012,0.04208071924119365,0.04377046458045098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055604686228069404,0.0,0.0,0.05955143719252089,0.060438784144057324,0.1538258756334719,0.04316227932571237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967226621572621,0.04955345758865135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430378053844572,0.0,0.0,0.06357497199015633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271327567793079,0.0,0.0,0.12186032700955238,0.0,0.04846570251317928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904476279299014,0.05166468104746327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008459787540214,0.06048983702926465,0.0,0.1423410656825863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348787272062465,0.11797364027109845,0.0,0.045614923966769916,0.09920709891807526,0.0,0.06490059632612502,0.1317863609969964,0.07540671008664165,0.14545697377986005,0.055758327053523966,0.0,0.033092414168816364,0.13045562492917107,0.05379404328138514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172963037761942,0.1108764682031174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047846428377325,0.13389466015140358,0.09009382879240876,0.04552284763767739,0.0,0.05102665791703948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526173608766984,0.05470668223923986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735047098581101,0.04031482996828314,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nina-s-333,2018/01/27,"DAE see traits of abusive exes in new men? A few years back I dated a man who was pretty physically and sexually abusive towards me, and it really stuck with me for a while. It happened when I was 17, and since then I've worked really hard to move on from it and to regain a healthy sex life, and I'm proud of that. I don't have flashbacks anymore and I'm able to have sex without feeling scared or hurt, but I'm still having one problem. Every time I start seeing someone new, all I can see are traits of my abusive ex. Not traits that were abusive, just general ways they speak or joke or even smell (weirdly enough) that remind me of my ex and make me feel really uneasy around them. I've started seeing this new guy and I'm really into him and he's been nothing but great to me, and I have no reason to believe he'd ever do anything abusive. But something about him just reminds me of the non abusive part of my exes personality, and it makes me want to run. Does anyone else experience this? Any tips on how to move forward and not make this new guy take the fall for what my ex did?",4.526875,4.766922937500002,5.6107142857142875,83.33428571428574,69.625,8.007142857142858,28.5,7.7094869923839395,1.6004232142857149,854,28,178,9,14,284,131,224,0.202,0.7490000000000001,0.048,-0.9918,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,2,10,7,0,1,6,0,14,3,0,5,2,38,33,22,0,2,11,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,12,15,0,0,3,1,0,5,5,4,0,1,6,9,22,3,25,26,4,27,0,1,4,2,16,7,0,3,16,114,34,1,0.08818422502336865,0.6269033199690248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05996829698181792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745505541505467,0.0616604605216987,0.0903551596660215,0.07256810341130569,0.07850265641220287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780822575561163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935342370492392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717060958095556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366660445441994,0.0,0.0,0.09111787757837524,0.0,0.0582448489427011,0.07976768017579823,0.07429901293662645,0.0,0.0,0.08626109329896339,0.0,0.0,0.08917718762261838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722341940592634,0.0,0.17463249415448612,0.07798101895528939,0.0,0.07899574447391829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440303675703952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062287126051369004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765909648944844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745175078838786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406754961530276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461514225162317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975591310151624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549492221031317,0.0,0.0,0.07699906386628218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971505964992965,0.0,0.08438039380763528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22597229054441664,0.09066807038596067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828779311082954,0.0,0.28108564037409073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294690220996765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471820769367371,0.06788852471442272,0.0,0.0,0.1248344967065112,0.0,0.07042403601586948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630356255535902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142093076987853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052013340693269794,0.06999653318574188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500644606111893,0.0,0.06419916608606341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678774968166232 bpd,NeedaNutberry,2018/01/27,"I see a lot of talk about self harm, but never the other side towards other directed harm. Is this because it’s taboo or because it’s much less common? Obviously I would NEVER act on anything, but I’d say my feelings rarely go towards self harm compared to how often they go towards other directed. ",3.778448275862072,5.877609603448278,5.209862068965517,78.3713448275862,73.65517241379311,6.708965517241379,30.565517241379307,7.554174236665415,2.2700372413793097,239,11,40,3,5,80,42,58,0.193,0.807,0.0,-0.9144,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,12,6,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,7,5,3,11,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,3,3,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189574764671009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32439432675212365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453577427544886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302433692013561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262078865855824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559611742739788,0.0,0.4104276780169184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21159392778530867,0.0,0.0,0.21202773530753968,0.0,0.5551495788851898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138614189505452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901241067611765,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sookey14,2018/01/27,"Feeding my insecurities I am very aware of my fear of abandonment due to BPD. I've been in a relationship with a guy that I love to bits, however, he hasn't told me he loves me yet. If I don't hear from him it can put me to bed I feel so bad, all I need is a text from him and I'm up and back to normal in minutes. Does anyone else relate to this situation? TIA",0.3377526132404185,1.5358760853658566,3.512717770034847,90.7425609756098,80.82926829268294,7.124738675958188,20.25087108013937,7.957251820313856,0.4994822299651562,277,7,72,5,7,101,60,82,0.156,0.7090000000000001,0.134,-0.2402,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,3,0,6,3,0,0,1,9,13,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,2,12,2,13,11,2,7,0,1,0,2,10,3,0,1,3,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394419493253242,0.22558463227648476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929297373764512,0.18382822982853053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403627015992882,0.0,0.2772895840125028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926675095170972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839192574982176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24774636433497754,0.11132182794904932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799755057142345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481414851764181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974142624094357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324924798138515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571454515651772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22132621494325766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363743669523697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24747421488985966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037669320626154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816588377879268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Somaticthrowaway,2018/01/27,"[Question] What would impact your recovery the most? I’m successfully recovering from CPTSD/BPD. I want to go to school and become someone who can make a major difference for others like me and you. So I’m wondering, **what do you need the most out of a healer**? Coaching on life skills? Finding meaning in it all? Healing your brain (recommend neurofeedback for that)? I’d like my future career to be as impactful as possible so I’m very interested in hearing what you most want, or what has already made the biggest impact on you. Feel free to be as general or specific as possible. I have been doing neurofeedback, meds (Depakote), and introspection/self-therapy (facilitated by meditation and psychology/therapy knowledge), and *A Course In Miracles* (spiritual path based on forgiveness and giving), and I’m getting such dramatic gains that it’s like I’m waking up from a coma. But those latter 2 things need me to be the one doing them, as a therapist cannot have a spiritual realization or advancement in consciousness for me.",3.570333725029375,6.709951589189195,5.533983548766159,69.71303172737959,81.75675675675676,9.487661574618095,30.205640423031724,9.54385415503706,4.079707403055228,824,41,130,29,23,282,114,185,0.0,0.858,0.142,0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,6,1,4,3,7,0,0,10,0,13,6,2,2,1,32,31,18,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,8,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,2,13,8,26,25,5,13,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,8,4,93,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614512864321935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762882391316339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103636084077006,0.17818920462363766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676939000366026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070889230375891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458901936133729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339509365077624,0.1531224742012525,0.0907159765096214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799038407127535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274463979878968,0.2339474578983257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103672312388375,0.10654788552575901,0.0,0.0,0.17387345733482915,0.17730232890272069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367130726604596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816294354184848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35989613332338005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881142760222554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615444105757128,0.0,0.0,0.16651893452141212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352458838105157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36507977646005196,0.18533163767672495,0.10604473001944284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170358271301633,0.18829654642784865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731015620502269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338978334565156,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ShamefulThrowawayyy,2018/01/28,"Next time I'm suicidal, I'm keeping that shit to myself. I was released from a psych hospital about a month ago. I was in for maybe 72 hours. They didn't fuck with my meds. They pretty much did nothing but let me work my own shit out. In that time I lost my house, my job and all of my friends. I was evicted from my sober living for ""disruptive behavior"". I was never, not once, violent or agressive. I never broke curfew. I did my chores. I didn't break a single rule. But I guess being suicidal is enough to get evicted and not get your deposit back. My job hired 2 new people in my place while I was gone. To answer some common questions: No, I am not crazy. Well, I'm a little crazy, but that doesn't make me any less of a human. Yes, I really did want to die. Yes, I want to die most of the time. Yes, I am stable. This is as good as it gets. No, I'm not going to kill you in your sleep. The only person I ever wanted to hurt was myself. Now everywhere I look, people are making suicide jokes. I've had people tell me that I should have done it (""jokingly"") and I've had people tell me that they didn't feel the least bit sorry for me. Everyone has an opinion, and all of them are fucked. I'm viewed as weak, unstable, a lost cause, a cry for attention. And people are very vocal about all of this. Almost makes me wish I'd done it, you know? I'm reminded that this is why I don't have friends. Because people are shitstains about this kind of stuff. I'm reminded why I don't speak to my family, who pretty much told me ""lol good luck"" when I got out of the hospital with nowhere to go. I should mention I'm 19 in a city I've never been in with no car and now no job. So next time I'm suicidal (and there will be an next time, this was not an isolated incident), my lips are fucking zipped. I'm not telling anyone shit. Not my friends, not my roommates, not my family, not my psych, and I'm sure as hell not calling 911 like I did last time. I'll work that shit out on my own. Yeah, the stigma sucks, but it's DEFINITELY there and not going away any time soon. I've always been pretty open about my bp. Not anymore. I'll deal with it on my own. Better than losing my house, job, and everyone close to me",1.2090568158593908,2.8690721394849814,3.0693316983445733,92.81882689556512,79.75107296137341,6.32650725526262,19.893521357040672,7.2636822038024595,0.3051023502963419,1691,41,389,22,42,566,209,466,0.204,0.631,0.165,-0.9833,6,0,0,0,0,3,78.0,0,4,4,6,14,30,11,0,16,5,42,10,6,4,8,67,80,22,7,6,18,0,1,1,3,3,1,1,1,2,19,19,0,1,5,2,1,5,26,17,1,0,25,4,59,13,48,49,15,48,1,5,2,3,23,16,9,8,27,244,78,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058900180093280075,0.0,0.06653585650749237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528821673183072,0.0,0.0,0.09037082587360884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589636510002096,0.046460438444520614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242800311694281,0.05109270790545111,0.0,0.04050473435869261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876589797126755,0.07254158889788997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784857649070859,0.0,0.0,0.0682581254559977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298757576018745,0.0,0.06850268764083656,0.0,0.0,0.13792047066026736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599421692481098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865625891547981,0.0,0.0,0.06010401744186945,0.0,0.12698359180292507,0.0,0.0,0.12527834685078915,0.0,0.033596985824798566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540075480871802,0.184284175121268,0.10414554205617764,0.0,0.1132880141164283,0.1114631454321592,0.053142764924309964,0.0,0.07319752433577342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543571462967514,0.1533390314990617,0.07113158807308596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26374875902119177,0.05906006750961144,0.07351241733893589,0.0691930610644634,0.03651686622460524,0.05416218391146672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794531792506146,0.0,0.032462054685687726,0.06659613340861878,0.05867284629516074,0.0,0.05579772535931763,0.07433583825112909,0.1450668489070719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305923414975926,0.0,0.06675372285972682,0.0,0.0738062890075255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053036392377621866,0.0,0.0976905959769413,0.0,0.15374125902238647,0.06417375407455927,0.2119975413550282,0.0,0.0,0.06375652362622981,0.0,0.0,0.07076259343033216,0.0,0.05053501434065709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763908498407941,0.058017897316647526,0.06942170400351695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279775586229534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443448704330904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04256687189074599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728225775093709,0.0,0.0,0.06649377225445204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438061732126262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606452784339557,0.2907236207596553,0.0,0.06262436685955525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422963678611905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712155047183317,0.0,0.0,0.06349179590146252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482473213522613,0.11757433822878133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974274134446062,0.0,0.1199139735923255,0.0,0.07640937458837835,0.0,0.0,0.09674664700505978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OfficialManBadger,2018/01/28,"Scared. Hi guys. I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD. I haven’t been to my GP in over a year about anything. I may not even have BPD, I know self diagnoses doesn’t work. I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. But I follow this subreddit very closely, and I fit all the characteristics of someone with this illness and I just wanted to post this somewhere because I feel like I’m about to explode. I’m so scared, all the time. I’ve pushed almost everyone away from myself in these last 6 months as I can’t cope with the emotional whirlwind of being friends with people and relying on them, it’s too much. I spend my time switching between loving these people and then getting terrified that they’re going to leave me and never talk to me again. So I get angry that they’re going to leave me and I stop talking to them, then I feel so crippling lonely that I’m alone in this world. I spend my days putting on a happy face at work and coming home and just lying in my dark room, thinking and mentally torturing myself. I moved back home to my parents about a year ago, as I was going through a shit time where I was living before, constantly drinking my paycheque away. I was self harming at the time, and had been just engaging in reckless selfish behaviour all the time. I didn’t want to be that person anymore, so I moved back in with my parents. It was okay for the first couple of months, I wasn’t drinking as much, only with friends on nights out. But these past 6-9 months I’ve just gone downhill even further. I’m drinking and driving, I’m taking drugs, I seem to have no control over my behaviour. I do all this stupid stuff just because I feel so empty, like when you’re really hungry and your stomach hurts? That but in my mind, it’s constant. I spend the day after these ‘benders’ so ashamed and filled with guilt, I can’t even look at myself. Now that I’m back with my parents and siblings as well, I’ve ‘latched’ onto them. I’m so scared they’re going to leave me because they hate me. I think they’re going to die and leave me on my own everyday. I can’t listen to the local news anymore or read about traffic accidents because I’m scared that it’s my family in it. I text my mum all the time, asking where she is. I’ve even developed a ritual where I have to touch my heart and then my head if I ever have a bad thought about one of them not being okay. I know this is rambling and I’m sorry, it’s just all this is coming out right now and my head is a mess and I don’t know how to organise it all into words. I’m just so exhausted, I don’t know how much longer I can carry on feeling like this, it’s never ending. I just hate feeling so isolated, but I’m terrified of attempting an emotional connection",3.2657906799083283,4.476369771836012,4.364027247262545,87.56520053475937,73.20677361853834,7.267990832696714,26.191367456073337,7.7094869923839395,1.3312019862490452,2146,72,450,27,42,701,230,561,0.18600000000000005,0.755,0.06,-0.997,3,3,4,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,5,5,42,30,5,6,18,2,33,15,6,3,10,84,78,45,1,4,17,4,6,3,2,1,5,1,3,4,30,33,3,2,13,4,3,15,15,19,1,2,12,8,68,11,67,62,11,89,1,2,1,1,23,35,1,6,40,299,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742325807551429,0.0,0.06486746990339043,0.06709218897771696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848802748596458,0.0,0.0,0.05330813880035054,0.0,0.06056023544960941,0.0,0.12172524187348654,0.14943467475915162,0.05408830843062242,0.1579563125732935,0.0,0.055122717556592614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317542260682205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160387845606427,0.0,0.1400075934142382,0.0726558945699455,0.0,0.07167745924777043,0.0,0.08355504041155164,0.0,0.0,0.13149997817009,0.0672310574269747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037820836750394,0.0751238368896567,0.0,0.0,0.14573679188526267,0.05737554920638535,0.0,0.0,0.17114541215137952,0.0585969092025484,0.0,0.06189973911715638,0.0,0.0,0.06106849614970372,0.0,0.16377270702071348,0.0925572009787438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510154384800765,0.0,0.0,0.10009720587590412,0.0,0.0676893950571414,0.0,0.1840788619312548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414204588395242,0.0,0.06895915032100508,0.0,0.1279130014442584,0.13296523570774027,0.0,0.0,0.07676420641722533,0.0,0.0,0.12995855720551033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934796349982643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240482321131478,0.0528040671481149,0.0,0.274369216743864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494420599014657,0.0,0.057201624672390226,0.0,0.05439859739410745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846617034821094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528265874327277,0.0,0.06540898779240809,0.0,0.15511951451105413,0.13770104880320316,0.14286150641943565,0.0,0.09992413129824723,0.0,0.0,0.06079132056861946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389637264877221,0.049267848854411975,0.0,0.0,0.2157904315565516,0.0,0.06183951335915765,0.08982011642399823,0.05656309853953467,0.0676809547733578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408201087821714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512144836948869,0.0,0.0,0.06479718811424842,0.0,0.04149950757669305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532147382725836,0.0,0.0,0.25942295351737105,0.0,0.0,0.05897296752448124,0.13515862204693635,0.0,0.06649538784234965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488759385197376,0.0,0.0,0.14503104667899755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415869457762043,0.0,0.0,0.07415720980523416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048706240751885836,0.1041348702899264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301637808475533,0.0,0.05142781235016889,0.2266412365102692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345000197514187,0.0764174411292323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824469210329392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432072482824308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082638654385791,0.0,0.08343195150165628 bpd,tasselle,2018/01/28,"Please help me get over a breakup I'm really, really not doing well",0.23714285714285666,2.651867,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,93.28571428571428,8.514285714285714,14.142857142857142,8.841846274778883,1.4168285714285722,54,1,11,2,2,19,13,14,0.129,0.56,0.311,0.4446,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497201762940624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203739583579097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246687443314663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6124010616091458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297534279320884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throwaway930329,2018/01/28,"Scared. Hi guys. I haven’t been diagnosed with BPD. I haven’t been to my GP in over a year about anything. I may not even have BPD, I know self diagnoses doesn’t work. I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. But I follow this subreddit very closely, and I fit all the characteristics of someone with this illness and I just wanted to post this somewhere because I feel like I’m about to explode. I’m so scared, all the time. I’ve pushed almost everyone away from myself in these last 6 months as I can’t cope with the emotional whirlwind of being friends with people and relying on them, it’s too much. I spend my time switching between loving these people and then getting terrified that they’re going to leave me and never talk to me again. So I get angry that they’re going to leave me and I stop talking to them, then I feel so crippling lonely that I’m alone in this world. I spend my days putting on a happy face at work and coming home and just lying in my dark room, thinking and mentally torturing myself. I moved back home to my parents about a year ago, as I was going through a shit time where I was living before, constantly drinking my paycheque away. I was self harming at the time, and had been just engaging in reckless selfish behaviour all the time. I didn’t want to be that person anymore, so I moved back in with my parents. It was okay for the first couple of months, I wasn’t drinking as much, only with friends on nights out. But these past 6-9 months I’ve just gone downhill even further. I’m drinking and driving, I’m taking drugs, I seem to have no control over my behaviour. I do all this stupid stuff just because I feel so empty, like when you’re really hungry and your stomach hurts? That but in my mind, it’s constant. I spend the day after these ‘benders’ so ashamed and filled with guilt, I can’t even look at myself. Now that I’m back with my parents and siblings as well, I’ve ‘latched’ onto them. I’m so scared they’re going to leave me because they hate me. I think they’re going to die and leave me on my own everyday. I can’t listen to the local news anymore or read about traffic accidents because I’m scared that it’s my family in it. I text my mum all the time, asking where she is. I’ve even developed a ritual where I have to touch my heart and then my head if I ever have a bad thought about one of them not being okay. I know this is rambling and I’m sorry, it’s just all this is coming out right now and my head is a mess and I don’t know how to organise it all into words. I’m just so exhausted, I don’t know how much longer I can carry on feeling like this, it’s never ending. I just hate feeling so isolated, but I’m terrified of attempting an emotional connection",3.2657906799083283,4.476369771836012,4.364027247262545,87.56520053475937,73.20677361853834,7.267990832696714,26.191367456073337,7.7094869923839395,1.3312019862490452,2146,72,450,27,42,701,230,561,0.18600000000000005,0.755,0.06,-0.997,3,3,4,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,5,5,42,30,5,6,18,2,33,15,6,3,10,84,78,45,1,4,17,4,6,3,2,1,5,1,3,4,30,33,3,2,13,4,3,15,15,19,1,2,12,8,68,11,67,62,11,89,1,2,1,1,23,35,1,6,40,299,98,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742325807551429,0.0,0.06486746990339043,0.06709218897771696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848802748596458,0.0,0.0,0.05330813880035054,0.0,0.06056023544960941,0.0,0.12172524187348654,0.14943467475915162,0.05408830843062242,0.1579563125732935,0.0,0.055122717556592614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317542260682205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160387845606427,0.0,0.1400075934142382,0.0726558945699455,0.0,0.07167745924777043,0.0,0.08355504041155164,0.0,0.0,0.13149997817009,0.0672310574269747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037820836750394,0.0751238368896567,0.0,0.0,0.14573679188526267,0.05737554920638535,0.0,0.0,0.17114541215137952,0.0585969092025484,0.0,0.06189973911715638,0.0,0.0,0.06106849614970372,0.0,0.16377270702071348,0.0925572009787438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510154384800765,0.0,0.0,0.10009720587590412,0.0,0.0676893950571414,0.0,0.1840788619312548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414204588395242,0.0,0.06895915032100508,0.0,0.1279130014442584,0.13296523570774027,0.0,0.0,0.07676420641722533,0.0,0.0,0.12995855720551033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934796349982643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240482321131478,0.0528040671481149,0.0,0.274369216743864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494420599014657,0.0,0.057201624672390226,0.0,0.05439859739410745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846617034821094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528265874327277,0.0,0.06540898779240809,0.0,0.15511951451105413,0.13770104880320316,0.14286150641943565,0.0,0.09992413129824723,0.0,0.0,0.06079132056861946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04389637264877221,0.049267848854411975,0.0,0.0,0.2157904315565516,0.0,0.06183951335915765,0.08982011642399823,0.05656309853953467,0.0676809547733578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408201087821714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512144836948869,0.0,0.0,0.06479718811424842,0.0,0.04149950757669305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532147382725836,0.0,0.0,0.25942295351737105,0.0,0.0,0.05897296752448124,0.13515862204693635,0.0,0.06649538784234965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488759385197376,0.0,0.0,0.14503104667899755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415869457762043,0.0,0.0,0.07415720980523416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048706240751885836,0.1041348702899264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301637808475533,0.0,0.05142781235016889,0.2266412365102692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345000197514187,0.0764174411292323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824469210329392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432072482824308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082638654385791,0.0,0.08343195150165628 bpd,purplepollywag,2018/01/28,"In loving memory of sloane Sullivan Sloane was my most recent favorite person. She was my best friend, she called me hers too. We used to get fancy coffee together, make art, explore the world and explore the ideas of what it meant to contribute kindness to the world in an impactful way. She was a proud, fearless trans woman, until the end. She helped all of our friends examine who they were and why whatever they were was ok, and why they should be proud of that. Sloane was an incredibly accomplished computer programmer. She made apps that I can hardly grasp the function of as someone who isn't computer savvy. She was the first trans employee of jump trading and taught the company so much about diversity. She would have been 23 the day before yesterday. She killed her self on November 11th. Her dying wish was for as much good as possible to come from her passing. If you can, please donate to the center on Halstead in Chicago, in her honor. Even if it's just a dollar, it would mean the world to people like her and to me. Her dad volunteers there now, and she was recently memorialized in their memorial garden for influential LGBT people. I'm completely lost without her. What do you do when the person responsible for your survival and will to live is gone forever? ",6.286882911392404,7.557049341772152,6.3683095991561185,75.78765427215194,66.13080168776372,10.31318565400844,31.268196202531644,10.411451182825502,3.3751943037974685,1022,39,180,26,16,325,148,237,0.026,0.7759999999999999,0.198,0.9922,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,3,4,8,8,14,1,0,15,1,23,1,0,3,1,29,36,15,2,6,4,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,4,9,9,0,0,7,2,3,6,2,2,0,1,16,1,31,12,31,15,5,27,0,1,0,1,38,11,0,3,10,131,40,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530453025376612,0.0,0.15453672854763126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503654644127075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684853164285814,0.1543957552730069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496833205252364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528291137080105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042564953327695,0.0,0.0,0.0972616029529869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525639834507993,0.0,0.0,0.22754018520798774,0.0,0.07693550161137049,0.0,0.0,0.12351185901522173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191299957797675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870300251775116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623479002053854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291762252054912,0.15334510021031406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194214206207535,0.0,0.13003028564343444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074798643555244,0.0,0.13290484097954364,0.13933776612727042,0.0982949315085858,0.0,0.0,0.16040561945977014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650110573563108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417838587679746,0.25715758606847594,0.0,0.16164353887615382,0.0,0.16600970352749994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907962769761355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362076105872388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477004888810153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718243204357452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688544381829552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657523747937789,0.0,0.1693378356587839,0.14195011842806274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209213743336833,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,guross,2018/01/28,"please someone help me idk what to do im so worthless how do i know if im worth living anymore? everyone hates me, i cant afford anything in life and am having struggles with living. why am i scared of killing myself? if i died everyone would be so much happier. everyone will be so muxh happier. i dont have a peraonality or anything to bring to this world so what's wrong with me? what the fuck is wrong with me.. please hekp me want ro exist im sorey i have nowhere else to go.. im tired of living in this hellhouse its so filthy, we csnt afford anything, i am a fucking mess where i only binge eat and sob.. im probabpy abusive to everyone around me im so shitty.. not orobably i am abusive",-0.6721709145427289,1.4845187724137965,1.842488755622192,93.08160419790104,99.20689655172413,4.728635682158921,21.476761619190405,6.498293943080001,0.6210869565217387,542,22,115,8,23,184,82,145,0.275,0.618,0.106,-0.9841,2,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,1,0,0,0,9,11,4,2,3,0,16,5,0,1,0,15,23,12,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,1,0,1,2,3,11,0,0,0,0,17,0,13,19,1,7,0,2,0,2,2,5,3,3,0,70,23,0,0.0,0.23123040104078404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967721826915812,0.0,0.0,0.2408976951957274,0.08686602932262717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012716328388196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436190257343015,0.0,0.0,0.09984771368589096,0.08151476287675412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372963799327436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804204914280572,0.0,0.0,0.055456414438039774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633909545186553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540517044523601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6324126162502464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795674495892643,0.0,0.05362688585702286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892295834665968,0.0,0.0,0.2584922275496749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173181849090339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421325338162223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142249565237816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769363707803418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267839990499855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201079431540344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215274655524296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057554643171629526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804990185829137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931734695695045,0.2133747136481013,0.0,0.0 bpd,polkagoatlet,2018/01/28,"DAE get obsessive over things for months on end? For example, one day, I'll think about getting rats. So I research rats. (so far, so fine) then I'll keep researching rats. I think about rats all the time. I contact rat groups and people with rats. I spend 4 hours each evening researching rats and rat stuff and chatting in forums about rats. Finally, I am convinced I want to get rats. I research best cages, (for months), buy a cage. Research what substrate and bedding to use etc etc at the same time. Finally I contact breeders about rats. Lots of breeders. I get rats. Then I get them home and think 'fuck, what have I done?' and feel instant regret. It's like splitting from whatever I was obsessed about. Any ideas on how to escape this? I think I'm doing the same thing with greyhounds and the last thing I want to do is get a dog if it's an obsession and not a reasoned, actual want at the moment. And I can't tell the difference between obsession and actually liking something. Totally fallen for a lovely hound, been researching and searching for months, but what if I don't actually want one and it's just an obsession again? ",2.405382262996941,5.0276924357798185,3.1625917431192683,88.56679281345569,81.06422018348623,6.569113149847095,25.59709480122325,7.793537801064563,1.6107516819571872,893,36,173,16,24,281,116,218,0.065,0.848,0.08800000000000001,0.401,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,1,12,13,1,5,12,0,10,2,0,3,2,40,30,21,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,11,15,0,1,7,1,2,1,3,7,0,2,3,1,17,6,25,27,9,23,0,1,0,2,7,7,1,3,17,111,28,6,0.0,0.0,0.3454769661610291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802496285326931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384233441445365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610553198171598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329346123671395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207633689889477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452024614164128,0.0,0.2632206933357155,0.0779433088288593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059668496026118574,0.0,0.0,0.258544448686035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909668730643084,0.3699265103555912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837185504292146,0.0,0.11621431454321272,0.0,0.0,0.13321690351879512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489111796744563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619244036772548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530569980970695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032635895173668,0.10650701562389664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282579078759614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993083246911294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181203323507685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133209269650405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908484843519367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509116564862098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314437575261218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23519823049762925,0.302459580473716,0.0,0.0,0.13762307088157655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192120299692543,0.0,0.0,0.2784171957155869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,painfulawakening,2018/01/28,"Does anyone else feel the most paralyzing neediness literally every second of the day and nothing can ever make it go away for long? A few people distract me for a bit. If there is someone I can be obsessed with, that's the best way to fill the void. But it's not easy to find someone I have any feelings for. pretty rare now actually. And what I find stimulating might not be what I NEED or is good for me either... :S And the neediness doesn't go away. It literally hurts me so much I want to kill myself for it to end. Meditating doesn't help. Nothing helps. I don't even know what I need, it's like stimulation from a certain kind of person that I'm desperate for...... It's this void that most people can't fill though, and so I just wait in such pain, like a withdrawing drug addict, hoping to connect to SOMEONE who might distract me from how awful I feel every second. I feel hopeless.",3.3292258579409406,4.813241128491626,4.8880486831604175,82.79046089385476,73.46927374301677,7.572386272944933,25.63487629688747,8.192908349453996,1.542603830806066,698,23,141,11,14,235,102,179,0.171,0.6920000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.7609999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,1,10,14,1,3,9,1,13,3,0,4,2,34,27,11,1,5,7,0,4,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,14,5,0,1,7,0,0,4,6,7,0,2,0,4,15,7,20,23,7,13,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,7,7,98,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.12556406345329466,0.1402700792194158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875005030970924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996956039093246,0.13183836003533814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24178075733064944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350319841239943,0.0,0.14047510272629865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298197086556065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260061570016275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492171869795367,0.0,0.1074878773557736,0.0,0.11396406797695895,0.0,0.0,0.08498579819343068,0.11639003436076435,0.21682126519428496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602391321577384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352054172257569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625307277700147,0.10792289666289878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249054505330205,0.0,0.0,0.1277990594950851,0.0,0.0,0.13774466886459605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235508946297604,0.13399075631854926,0.07071406364374706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572403047574682,0.0,0.0,0.11386953971731407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588870591268846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27299860422250993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945877855292837,0.19081541959373613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24692605557546124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691471990246964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784081546134238,0.11235031117104427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090438197927504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32706685495963345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641833082248838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589332543162723,0.10213282979607917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pureregrets,2018/01/28,"Difference between letting things go and being a push over? I dealt with a build up of trying events/things that upset me over a couple a weeks by scribbling them down on a piece of paper and ripping it up. It actually worked and I moved on from it and now I can't even remember what it was that I wrote down. However, I'm finding it hard to differentiate between insignificant things that can be let go and things that are more serious and should be addressed. Even just little things in the relationship that are insignificant on their own, are actually a huge red flags for something more sinister. I'm worried that if I repeat what I did, scribble it down, rip it up and forget it, that in a few years time I'll kick myself because they were warning signs that I didn't pay heed to or that's caused a build up of resentment because it wasn't addressed at the time. Some of these things keep popping up again and again and upsetting me. I don't know whether it would be nothing or a deal breaker to the average person. I just don't know what's right and what's wrong and whether I'm just being a push over and used. This has really upset me. I feel so stupid, anxious and insecure at the moment.",6.582600579336983,6.084648154811712,6.836066945606698,78.79637270679112,65.35983263598328,10.03167042162858,33.02896684905053,9.466822959209583,2.7667319600901195,955,35,192,16,13,309,124,239,0.182,0.8029999999999999,0.015,-0.9881,2,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,1,11,8,2,4,14,0,22,0,0,2,0,36,33,19,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,30,14,0,1,5,0,1,5,5,8,0,0,6,3,17,0,31,18,6,35,0,0,1,0,7,21,0,4,9,147,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.2816369717164593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302082240546306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593100640498807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823848245056384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966804158157916,0.0,0.0,0.14876960642889042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076546538400928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062096418221586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296371179709317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188992856902956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402094432242925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926675277949418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826274853821626,0.0,0.0,0.15860982987220562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29511829548630497,0.0,0.0,0.14462907804189487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337078781026128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846220132090328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259994322395615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092443917110198,0.0,0.0,0.1549269492271244,0.16346667408336427,0.12323360057826947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109116319197816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4793410551106536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682879701884699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979719681924952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246310830128098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575081206016652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050539846970723,0.1465462576155792,0.0,0.10250840070545282,0.1577721999417755,0.0,0.0929261196016314 bpd,LoudWhisper09,2018/01/28,"Work & BPD I am just curious as to how many people have issues with keeping employment? I am currently at an amazing job, BUT they are stating that I am missing the mark when it comes to speed. I am scared cause I am not able to loose this job. Anyone else have any issues with speed at their job. ",4.262868852459018,4.8145404918032835,4.865696721311477,87.33985655737708,70.31147540983606,8.067213114754097,26.72540983606557,8.07648339933343,1.4344721311475408,234,7,50,3,4,75,44,61,0.104,0.795,0.101,-0.2862,5,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,2,0,9,11,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,8,11,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,33,10,5,0.19877995276626065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21537799577285635,0.0,0.13517718433608675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899156483828148,0.20367355233705484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25035639188697456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042017679490013,0.0,0.17123132812823832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605514364978452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149492520698032,0.5917752926118858,0.1766847554057804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153167235770286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378089905179142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990134101621624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471417307164894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miss_jazz420,2018/01/28,"*for vent* weird dreams, memories and thoughts *may be triggering* hey all, i'm diagnosed with impulsive bpd since 2014 but did not get psychological or medical treatment since then unfortunately. (my parents which i live with and that pay my health insurance say i don't need it and that i'm just a burden for people with ""real"" diseases and the doctors/nurses, so i'm going to wait until i can afford it myself - srsly, trouble's not worth it, argumented for years with them.) i'm 23 now and lately i've had some strange dreams and memories of childhood abuse; i'm 99% sure they're real as i did some strange sexual things as a young kid like masturbating in kindergarten/class and stuff like that. since that a few later sexual assaults i forgot about came back into my mind, i feel so awful and can't sleep. i told my mum about the later incidents (not the one as a kid since she would not believe it or if she would, she would freak out) and she just said it was not so bad. don't get me wrong, she cares about me and loves me, but she's strange about mental diseases and says i'm fine as i already mentioned. since these memories the bpd striked double again and if i do not hurt myself i have such an anger for others it's not bearable. the coping mechanics i learned 2014 in the hospital like taking cold showers do not work... i feel like i can't even do a job atm when all the feelings take over me and those strange memories/flashbacks... just needed a place to vent, but if anyone has advice i would be thankful. thanks for reading",4.7175530410183875,5.784429128712873,5.108429985855731,84.13653465346535,69.5940594059406,8.147666195190949,27.95992456388496,8.418075326091056,1.819503347477605,1218,41,243,18,21,387,163,303,0.136,0.705,0.159,0.8727,4,0,0,0,1,2,40.0,0,0,1,1,16,19,2,0,14,1,21,5,1,1,3,62,47,31,0,9,19,2,3,4,0,5,3,3,1,2,16,20,0,2,5,3,3,2,12,9,0,1,9,7,31,10,26,31,6,20,0,1,0,1,18,6,0,8,16,157,47,5,0.0,0.12685066838260564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461950425059292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814530478067732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486006579460976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232387819572833,0.08939209033443259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062193134047393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26968105568947626,0.0,0.0,0.12245012187186663,0.10915659070695663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866542390241772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071327698750035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240091485673086,0.07648493649608934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187069245089072,0.0,0.06084566048326285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380163516213247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461181903362552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624226823187492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077031870923492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092198550817079,0.0,0.0945374878297294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662741048704404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785345093259524,0.10789306408308066,0.0,0.1081018489036792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876986397782605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254781343746687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887940487639242,0.0,0.0,0.07422313799591411,0.0,0.111856743140359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709072369596864,0.243719423480987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184024234792782,0.17027960350089086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44281293496254776,0.0,0.10713906998196082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256009089953117,0.0,0.0,0.10090443354403986,0.0,0.16099422590476814,0.0,0.0,0.19713615273087665,0.0,0.0,0.07112707030296861,0.0,0.0,0.0849950715912164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230209136483023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794223002065548,0.0,0.0,0.3042143853894801,0.11705521817364645,0.0,0.06894425765764545 bpd,BWretched,2018/01/28,"I have a boyfriend I care about and I'm falling for our mutual friend who also has BPD It's such a messy situation down to how I even met these two guys, but right now my boyfriend is in a treatment facility and I'm at another facility with our mutual friends. Logically, my boyfriend wins. I know he cares about me deeply. That he loves me sooooo much. He's the type of man I'd like to marry and have kids with, but in this strange turn of events he clings to ME, he's always worried about ME leaving him. It's like my years of being borderline and driving people crazy are being flipped and smashed into my face by this man who isn't diagnosed but who was strongly thought to have BPD or bipolar It's weird and I can't make sense of my emotions. When I'm with my boyfriend visiting him and facetiming him, I'm sooooo connected to him and feel passionately for him. But that's all we get. Our friend on the other hand, I'm with every day. I've started to emotionally cheat. :( I never knew I could become this person or ever be in this situation. Our friend and I are super close. When we were all together before my bf had to leave, I would hug our friend and call him my puppy, and he even gave me massages when my bf was right there. We were all close. With my bf gone things have shifted. My boyfriend started getting more and more paranoid about every interaction I have with anything male and it started pushing me from him. I confided in our friend. Eventually he couldn't help himself and confessed to me that he thinks my bf is too immature for a relationship and he would be better for me, that he always liked me. I've also grown feelings for him. I'm so conflicted. I don't want to leave my bf. The thought makes me sick. But at the same time the thought of being with him and just him forever makes me sick. Nothing about being with our friend makes me sick *right now*. It's like all of our disorders are melding into this bomb that's going to explode. Our friend has completely turned on my boyfriend in his absence when we all became friends together. He has a new best bro around (who also knows my bf) that's constantly calling my bf a douche now because they've heard how often my bf just blows up on me if I'm laughing in the presence of a male. They actually were HYSTERICAL over calling my boyfriend being pissed at me when I didn't call him by a certain time because I was with them playing ping pong and knowing everything he was going to say. They started mocking him and shaking their heads because I was sad, and it was horrible. I don't know if I'm truly losing interest in my boyfriend or if I'm just splitting right now because our friend is around everyday hugging me and being sweet to me and just giving me positive attention so I'm idealizing him. Or if he's truly better for me. It feels like we might just be bouncing around in a BPD initial love fog that would clear into nothingness. There's so much mental with my bf, the planning, the concreteness of what we want. Yet so much *vibe* with our friend. My head is in a fog. I can't separate logic from all this BPD absurdity. Help. :( P.S. I'm a piece of shit.",3.0265238095238085,4.911887620634925,4.03777777777778,86.89333333333335,75.17460317460319,7.2063492063492065,27.063492063492063,8.045849151850463,1.6592539682539678,2491,97,509,40,54,805,247,630,0.119,0.662,0.219,0.998,0,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,17,0,4,9,41,43,4,1,19,0,46,16,6,6,10,108,94,48,0,12,18,1,4,5,20,4,5,2,0,7,28,46,0,1,16,1,0,9,9,8,0,1,19,7,92,35,71,60,14,63,1,2,0,5,98,30,2,10,29,339,120,1,0.0,0.0,0.059306705445222374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580295602676924,0.1011377552045778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372688977519406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500118643655613,0.1623053664185342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818918570174905,0.06712016277963719,0.05171423981291439,0.0,0.06377861537671946,0.1074994158741508,0.0,0.0,0.3061711508544308,0.0,0.2482283975039374,0.0,0.12392638746778364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372043451353461,0.06567515701688212,0.0,0.048523133210637406,0.0,0.0,0.03919423414660685,0.0,0.0,0.06168438084986722,0.0,0.0,0.06965232582071255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672525120666687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802813729002915,0.054973607055658284,0.10240951555315808,0.0,0.05461979686080227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218755628639813,0.04341699302935046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5164926778464933,0.0,0.06350386490256514,0.05830000596883043,0.06907858561674088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060175863781174524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474341598110095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147112849184895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359931267004166,0.0,0.0,0.19305282968051946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484556535872373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799061587060924,0.0,0.0,0.10970190470837823,0.0,0.16226859955133094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124594757883978,0.06447166236223148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402775716607085,0.0,0.04687269349292699,0.05869595561050973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058314339477440025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04213307368242227,0.053065555765313736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524858499465976,0.0,0.2076028244702928,0.0,0.04832996336877879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062383688355015635,0.0,0.13662515570041867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206473984978068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04037557795056813,0.03894155690226084,0.0,0.14474342007175492,0.07087567386564586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220942806323846,0.059367415441874676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169221786623885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061718997200813225,0.0,0.12951642298766752,0.0,0.0,0.039136495253399135 bpd,my7yearoldissmarter8,2018/01/28,"Ever feel like your SO and family would just be better off without you? Diagnosed BPD almost a year ago. Partner and I have been married 8 years and have two kids. Last year I had 3 hospital stays in a month for suicidal ideation/urges/etc. We moved states to be closer to family support in the event something happens with me again. I have been going to DBT groups consistently, seeing my counselor consistently, taking my medication consistently, and overall trying to manage myself. Last year after a difficult fight between us, she said she would have left me if she could, but didn’t feel like she could financially support herself/the kids without me. I also found her reading “Why Does He Do That?”, a book for victims of abusive partners. Fast forward to this year and she has finished her degree, had her criminal record expunged (won’t show up on background checks), and has a really good job with a large company and she is doing really well there. She would do just fine without me in the picture (child support, life insurance, etc.). She also has recognized that she has let go of her codependent tendencies. Here’s the thing. I think she would be better off without me. My emotions are not consistent, I don’t have very many days where I’m super happy. She comes home from work with so many stories about the fun things that happened at work with her and her coworkers. She isn’t codependent anymore like I still am. I rely on her perception of me for my own perception of myself while she has now broken free and is independently happy. I know she has stayed with me but I do feel like she’d be happier without me bringing her down at home. She could enjoy life instead of being my caretaker and putting up with my shit. Does anyone else ever feel this way about their SO?",5.005203214695754,6.86152090149254,5.391417910447763,79.35771239954077,69.83582089552239,8.377726750861079,29.601033295063147,8.950670267944501,2.5569196326062005,1422,56,251,27,26,453,183,335,0.076,0.74,0.184,0.9917,1,0,1,0,1,0,40.0,2,2,1,5,19,22,3,0,10,0,41,5,1,1,2,49,61,19,1,8,11,0,4,4,2,5,4,1,2,5,7,18,0,0,9,3,2,7,10,4,1,1,7,6,55,19,41,39,2,46,0,0,1,0,38,16,1,2,25,188,62,6,0.0,0.09446285105713173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067272100313758,0.0,0.07983456105247609,0.0,0.0,0.127514486959505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079067252739453,0.05574661399460925,0.08168920837933798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14102319908852276,0.0,0.0,0.10041272041109034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867730976376568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096533928631498,0.0,0.0,0.05141698901554871,0.0,0.0,0.08092070687553216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395383734613634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660125026748626,0.08968156786972115,0.0,0.0,0.17783221725799234,0.0,0.14423434526379578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503180744218174,0.0,0.16124843095433944,0.17086985641776062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741597875359923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062080061521234,0.06687079535906096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100373970048524,0.16974065751688605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994433550386924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911623713080579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04381559266055388,0.12997545699974614,0.0,0.0,0.08662306225831959,0.08152573539813672,0.11262635223417818,0.15580133917124964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616602901001173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031604879458762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363692191739563,0.08473663921255177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014714083072139,0.0,0.0,0.0797480629079594,0.0,0.10214965918089644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583814706847583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353168854394045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818380940140641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061377345383053124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995565607073174,0.06366967613447495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720783750758522,0.27141802062091386,0.0,0.0,0.05994439673281895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593347175584583,0.05108551416012938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412905182401123,0.0,0.07788119385720027,0.0,0.095901148345551,0.0,0.0,0.06578270205843806,0.0,0.06328317504364481,0.0,0.0,0.07168368728776411,0.0,0.07194075456685149,0.0,0.0,0.3842674459068586,0.0,0.11608366529523904,0.0,0.0,0.2265416378399144,0.0,0.0,0.2567062209997674 bpd,CapybaraFwiend,2018/01/28,"Here to give back Hey guys ♡ there's been many a time I've come here either for opinions, general advice, or literal saving (a couple of you may remember back in December I was contemplating suicide...and a few wonderful people talked me off the ledge). I wanted to thank all of you so much for your support and company. Also, I'd like to return the favor. I'm in a good place right now. Maybe not to most, but for me I know I'm in a stable, confident headspace. For as long as I keep this post up, if anyone's feeling alone or just needs an ear, I will be here to listen. I do work overnights so I keep weird hours, but as long as I'm awake and this post is up, I want to hear from you. ""But Capy we have a discord for this"" - yes and it's a fantastic place...but some people are intimidated by the 'group' setting. Sometimes people like it reiterated that they can message someone one-on-one whenever they want. This condition is tough to deal with but it *can* be dealt with. Let me help you all this time. ♡ - Capy",2.800432692307691,4.057498177884618,4.34346153846154,87.07653846153849,74.43269230769229,7.7,24.538461538461537,8.278499904357787,1.3004750000000005,783,24,172,13,16,262,126,208,0.066,0.753,0.181,0.9656,0,1,0,0,0,1,36.0,1,5,2,1,11,9,0,0,11,1,14,1,1,0,2,35,32,17,0,5,10,0,1,2,0,2,0,3,0,1,9,7,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,19,7,28,25,7,21,0,0,0,0,18,8,0,8,11,110,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363939782380376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144560683857428,0.0,0.11162045330101432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759616295285778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146536887462911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023406328349408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444037053943824,0.0,0.0,0.14389875966597296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057481618898931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338959086501222,0.0,0.11707138017891493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820413610410442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573145179865696,0.0,0.09355617205253107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745618598843962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481266284026905,0.0,0.0,0.07670840280252665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272793245411333,0.0,0.136381492941447,0.0,0.0,0.2470442248540305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151015537143655,0.1402248328264787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260586902674604,0.10349529720757143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458164572741212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290297372591006,0.0,0.2916585449137687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673542273738804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811463249760915,0.11919882493512599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826396222018284,0.0,0.13804618271478786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839142787172908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218748629230207,0.0,0.1285046431739006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627780751601311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469801116180353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136635598643594,0.10161442554533184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Salasana_salasana,2018/01/28,"Morning routines I have been building up some routines lately, and they really help. Managed to get a basic night routine down (teeth, face, tea, TV, down) same order same time every day, and it has really helped my sleeping patterns. Now it's the morning though. Takes me ages to get going in the mornings, and I spend hours on youtube/coffee and don't get things done. Do an one of you have any tips on morning routines? What do people even do in theornings to get ready? ",5.485666666666668,6.464763122222222,5.468888888888892,82.57000000000005,67.77777777777777,7.333333333333332,30.555555555555557,7.1686216300943375,1.8248888888888888,371,14,68,3,6,116,66,90,0.0,0.933,0.067,0.7053,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,9,4,3,0,0,7,15,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,6,0,11,13,3,16,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,7,45,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577765656458434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962897252332094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23742950544793626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532421745364317,0.0,0.1954806736561363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4848681579585461,0.0,0.13185814207434926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110263923247541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22848573585663376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617203875551189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772816553532054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721778374075285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084836613387432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972665035329635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321802179348693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444464686467007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413890270647826,0.0,0.22795126160268994,0.0,0.13528844852212388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lauren_Claire,2018/01/28,"I will feel the wrath of my therapist on Wednesday. When I got off work yesterday I stopped by a gas station and got a 12 pack of beer. And just my luck while I’m waiting to checkout my therapist walks in to pay for her gas. She gave me that look guys. I’m sure you know the kind im talking about. She didn’t say anything about it but she definitely saw it and I’m sure she’ll bring it up. Why is this a problem you ask?? Because I’ve been telling her for weeks that I stoped drinking when in reality I haven’t. Wish me luck guys. ",0.31766666666666765,2.279291252173916,2.1022826086956528,97.05922101449278,84.30434782608695,5.5724637681159415,23.49637681159421,6.816661863887847,0.5012463768115949,414,16,101,5,12,136,75,115,0.059,0.767,0.175,0.9249,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,5,6,0,0,5,0,6,2,0,0,2,15,20,7,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,6,3,2,2,2,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,6,4,18,5,14,12,0,14,0,0,2,0,15,5,0,2,7,56,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533696095540354,0.0,0.17423417651463707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361162915803155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825751948451623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423610239121344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981200196276527,0.0,0.0,0.3690783716933715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131549194055254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940794457346636,0.10242606769825534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650690176725068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833438444632926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482117834570202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155816691939567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513098632321933,0.0,0.0,0.1498000563960893,0.16289875900753845,0.0,0.0,0.4327882761345176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949767642718145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817320387775292,0.0,0.2143204656783277,0.0,0.0,0.13568221537370695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lunacist38,2018/01/28,Bpd acting distant what does it mean when they stop communicating as much and admit to acting distant and feel like they miss you when you are there? I suspect she is doing something behind my back but she is adamant she is not and even swears on her pets life. I feel like I am going crazy. What do I do? Don’t they always need attention ? ,1.382941176470588,3.89186994117647,2.4750000000000014,92.45750000000002,84.88235294117645,4.576470588235295,18.794117647058822,5.985473137389443,-0.19438823529411708,268,7,55,2,8,85,48,68,0.132,0.777,0.09,-0.2411,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,0,13,16,7,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,14,2,4,16,1,8,0,1,0,0,10,1,0,0,6,41,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355262699439073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765351869951727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565006410282351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477052677357751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695661444071368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862444557057834,0.40443224786625215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086793275569358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999316750097814,0.2765749053516996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30833227749659586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807961478163947,0.20988333103098814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179112654660546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23664849798730495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hixelpmoc88,2018/01/28,"Drunken word, sober thoughts? Okay, long story short. Night starts off with a little light drinking with some people I consider close friends (known for roughly 10 years). As of recent, I notice that every time I would get tipsy-drunk my mindset of the people who I am with. I get the sense that they are evil and cannot be trusted like some sort of conspiracy 1984. I know whatever I’m thinking is crazy and I should try to not puke and just dance the night away. Roughly 3 hrs pass, I’m just jumping on the dance floor. I get tired, and reach for my phone. Lol To pass the time, I look at my phone and look through my group chats, with friends, families and etc and I notice a pattern in their text. As I read each and every single text from my friends and families. I see the their true intentions which is evil and they cannot be trusted and it’s all a masquerade! The next morning I wake up after the night in my own bed and go into my sisters room to yell at her for something she did to me the week before. I think I should stop drinking, thoughts? I usually just drink once a month and go hard but not to the point of lying on the ground that requires me to be carried away. The only time I get these crazy thoughts is when I’m drinking. While sober I don’t think like this.",3.581836032388665,4.719704588461543,3.8160728744939263,92.07629554655873,72.34615384615384,6.704453441295548,25.991902834008087,6.8360192770164,0.8503461538461536,1003,32,219,8,19,310,141,260,0.12,0.823,0.057,-0.9431,0,0,5,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,4,1,4,11,2,0,16,2,15,6,1,1,2,46,35,18,0,3,6,1,3,2,3,3,1,1,2,0,8,20,4,2,8,8,0,7,5,2,0,0,4,8,33,9,33,25,7,43,0,0,3,0,15,18,0,3,20,133,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029286358203869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918953021107801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423173693139722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044233169974312,0.0,0.0,0.1819799228379247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361506659632594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250308676226841,0.0,0.225690520504028,0.0,0.12275144172283728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967417931658783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935091206996785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552124278192043,0.10823878571134178,0.0,0.09557166836370354,0.1813762370043502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620012027186423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485329690871875,0.3040363583470551,0.0,0.0,0.24590473889775866,0.0,0.1150105388204606,0.0,0.0821346271648568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497394740368998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208963917570016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802365053164456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663146684039737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605757520250618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313938503899686,0.0,0.0,0.07643901035919183,0.0,0.0,0.0902881755607614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075954021064661,0.0,0.2572065327492217,0.18891725429256376,0.12412370572761705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733211261143081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894060257796972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662661417827022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671614151032513,0.0,0.0,0.06954486941854061 bpd,Enzo-Unversed,2018/01/28,"Anybody Else Love Somebody With BPD? The 1 girl I felt close to had BPD,Bipolar,3 personalities etc. It fell apart but 2 years later, I miss that girl still. It got me thinking and it makes me want to ask if anybody else feels it's easier to love somebody with BPD or similar disorders than it is to love a ""normal"" person? I feel the only way a relationship will work for me is with somebody who is like me.",2.8076306620209093,4.619212585365859,4.232229965156797,85.58402439024394,75.58536585365854,7.124738675958188,25.12891986062717,7.957251820313856,1.371433449477352,320,11,66,5,7,106,55,82,0.021,0.726,0.253,0.9721,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,4,0,5,3,0,1,0,15,17,4,0,3,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,7,4,9,13,1,7,0,1,0,3,10,2,0,2,4,38,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816688502385908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5988383441859757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164342981271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647963476314847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675839954957032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027475237526154,0.0,0.15217538765841626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675904221285272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743027608894126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4291306139476675,0.0,0.10579339823223792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552866852156209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053889226798915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27677495160579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015909561101394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657042944071453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155408128338517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348159010241684,0.1258020949365095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538270853175385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206245297500592 bpd,mrsengels96,2018/01/28,Remembering random things from the past I had a terrible and traumatic childhood and adolescence. How I’ve tried to cope with things is by pretending they didn’t happen and trying hard to forget them. In the past year or so I’ve just had random terrible memories come back to me. It’s pretty painful. I have been diagnosed with ptsd and I know this could play a part. Anyone else deal with this? Any tips with coping? ,3.293125,5.8623440625,3.945000000000004,84.59000000000002,77.125,8.0,22.5,8.841846274778883,1.7781250000000002,335,10,63,8,8,106,59,80,0.193,0.725,0.08199999999999999,-0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,1,0,18,10,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,1,6,1,10,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,5,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397914786700133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804189896692854,0.2169356067931188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280219806185753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238093087323692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904387811813226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218277491608214,0.0,0.21489475778310796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17686770292674225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872262716146034,0.0,0.18966254749443012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635762384522705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252885869711279,0.0,0.0,0.2292757709900479,0.4042278159940886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153987771763881,0.0,0.0,0.2474932825192626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398412984812809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131919051462795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28749253262559804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634290483402112 bpd,darktruthofthemind,2018/01/28,"Another BPD moment or not? It’s my wife’s birthday weekend. Today she was going to do mani pedi with her mom and sister. Totally cool have fun. We even joked since I was staying home this time it would be a good excuse to leave. So she leaves at 1015 and gets home about 915. The day before her birthday. Meanwhile I had clean and decorated the house, blew up balloons as many as her age bough her favorite candies and waited. No word all day until I asked what was going on aside from two brief messages. I hate being so insecure that I think wow I see where her priorities are. We just got into a big fight this week and that could lead to it to. But it’s hard to communicate that without being a little bitch I feel like for saying anything and I want everything to be about her",2.283333333333335,4.4423744458598735,3.523847133757961,88.44063269639065,78.4267515923567,5.970106157112527,21.93163481953291,7.03164865440522,0.6420967303609344,616,18,124,7,15,200,111,157,0.084,0.747,0.16899999999999998,0.924,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,2,0,0,1,7,10,3,1,5,1,13,0,0,1,2,25,24,13,0,3,5,3,2,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,10,10,0,1,2,2,0,4,3,4,0,1,5,5,19,6,19,13,2,21,0,0,1,0,18,7,1,1,10,84,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868665836773408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238264582387904,0.0,0.1503921236222873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688887587079168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261065818695084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844193751977154,0.0,0.0,0.20749622047449168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625339296721467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457995746655172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134091625423041,0.1149258577710657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404815299819897,0.0,0.18285273004164831,0.1349304730089537,0.12866276795687714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410829511433987,0.15882623129916176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227322888677979,0.0,0.0,0.18562286189470625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34067708667535784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785931596780261,0.1612344196200968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32619470566859143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884094876497296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279306121556199,0.0,0.0,0.12819289407673928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307367101048967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146645961841087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307926730226727,0.0,0.0,0.09380483361209777,0.0,0.1524863448641168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571470216441825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488553972655077,0.0,0.12904054465222906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507334093979605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427772836345093,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Beersz,2018/01/28,"Man, I'm wondering if it's best for me to just avoid relationships tbh? It really seems to me like I can't truly have a healthy relationship to someone I like/""love"". One sided crushes/relationships and everything tends to bring my bdp out alot and it's not the girls faults at all, unfortunately it's just the way I react to it. Right now I have no one I'm obsessed with and I feel peace. I wake up happy, I'm actually feeling like a normal person, more outgoing, confident, wanting to workout, more assertive and positive, and I'm a much stronger person. As soon as I get an fp all this goes out the window lol. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship if you have bdp? Cause I feel peace that I haven't felt in a long time.",2.3075510204081624,4.460774959183677,4.1580612244897965,83.95301020408164,78.31972789115646,7.737414965986395,26.14625850340137,8.634040054169528,1.9740013605442173,577,23,119,13,14,195,88,147,0.098,0.652,0.25,0.9779,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,2,10,1,7,1,1,2,2,27,21,9,0,4,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,8,0,1,6,1,0,1,4,3,0,2,1,4,13,4,16,20,7,13,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,5,6,75,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.14835483452345602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954125017259055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617193580750602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663060296737276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306057899409438,0.10860695713951876,0.1459681992348325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942698299032645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183383689424696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228157550482884,0.0,0.0,0.134537671507484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175614171929564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489525878977897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060326549390972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654853843375156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138576628658952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739134703799268,0.0,0.0,0.6528734285341894,0.0,0.1298288382387858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839819027786884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881060554848972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864721779047477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966850407825365,0.12067066521342383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486503249384304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,repulsivecorpse,2018/01/28,"i made a video to help myself stay alive after a breakup. and i want it to help other people like me that feel worthless to take responsibility and get out of the cycle. so maybe it could help you too. i have stuff like hating my partner for minor annoyances and not loving them and feeling guilty for it. and my ex told me she was appauled at how she was treated and didnt want to remain friends after i broke it off and its killing me inside. so i made this video to remind myself that im not a worthless person or a bad person, im a damaged person and its my responsibility to fix my problems, not spew them onto someone else. so maybe this will help you too. i was under the influence a bit but i hope its coherent enough to motivate you to take action too. im gonna keep living so you can too. sometimes i wish people would tell me they hate me so id have an excuse to hate myself, but its not gonna happen because we're not sociopaths, we're just broken. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5sA2EZxUcE",4.076666666666668,5.499554,4.891000000000002,83.74466666666669,71.5,6.7333333333333325,24.333333333333336,7.03164865440522,0.907683333333333,800,22,156,7,15,259,108,200,0.171,0.687,0.142,-0.8827,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,3,1,11,17,5,0,9,0,10,1,0,5,0,33,30,17,1,7,9,1,2,2,2,4,0,0,0,4,14,9,0,1,3,2,0,1,6,11,0,0,7,2,29,6,19,18,2,9,0,4,0,1,23,5,0,2,4,109,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127771197139006,0.0739413673353289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324246253360796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684557749605044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132786245219813,0.0,0.0,0.1253319578739437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226625533811526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371356102626124,0.0,0.06337254071189959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726230727076393,0.0,0.0,0.3592662580939544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32521059403964225,0.0,0.0,0.12047503253949685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39306388395760106,0.0,0.0,0.1078141164414356,0.13419687205033448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118518921206496,0.0,0.10710724435571392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109475044282286,0.2295478178906304,0.0,0.0,0.2437177589790825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681837747263736,0.3177349062105116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606459943043265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277433482825724,0.0,0.11996557816723592,0.0,0.0,0.12928618661169006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885574818613386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824001069808243,0.0,0.10601869779977643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590423385957252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430879207879858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948526570424322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861657244666802,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway-101617,2018/01/28,"Empathy sometimes switches off, especially when comforting someone else Does anyone else get this? I can't figure out if it's dissociation or something else. When I google it all I can really find is stuff about people voluntarily turning their empathy on and off. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone who's upset and comforting them, like even a friend I really care about crying in my arms, I just ... don't care? It doesn't usually happen in the middle of comforting someone, it either happens at the start of the interaction/when they start getting upset, or it doesn't. During those moments I'm totally acting. I don't care, but I know that normal me cares and that being comforting is the right thing to do, so I act. In my head I'm literally thinking ""I don't care"" and internally rolling my eyes and thinking ""oh great, here we go again."" But I know the things the person needs to hear, so I'll say them and sound convincing and reassuring. It's usually accompanied by mild annoyance at the other person's emotions. I feel like they're being melodramatic, or I'm annoyed that I have to be dealing with their emotions. I'm thinking about how I'd rather be watching a TV show or be on reddit. Dealing with and managing the other person feels like a chore. It's not all the time. Usually I really do feel empathy, and I'm genuinely hurting for the other person and I genuinely care about their feelings and wellbeing and I'm experiencing emotions and compassion during something like this. But occasionally this happens, especially if is someone who has a lot of these crises and we've been through this before a million times, or if I've been dealing with a lot of other things and I'm emotionally exhausted. Does anyone else experience this? ",5.292765957446812,7.096668209726445,6.543007902735564,71.59188571428572,69.03039513677811,9.640899696048633,32.61288753799392,9.98439552973466,3.6001848267477214,1407,64,238,36,25,474,151,329,0.056,0.765,0.18,0.9918,0,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,1,0,6,0,15,24,2,2,16,0,21,4,3,1,3,54,55,32,0,6,15,0,4,4,1,0,1,3,1,4,27,20,0,0,11,2,0,3,7,6,0,1,2,10,25,18,28,48,6,27,0,1,2,0,21,12,0,10,16,162,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037556655293454,0.1520400536395484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313321907801442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453871417109954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149809549703987,0.0,0.2294707772251588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985449490049866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24791665543158395,0.333830885618914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900411880300092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257549707541769,0.0,0.0,0.1500578875593057,0.10600772795063286,0.0,0.0,0.06781153118434405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05732172784453701,0.0,0.07752610170232213,0.0,0.04216588598341906,0.0,0.0,0.08179861535376236,0.0,0.0,0.1968272484159104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614395414266563,0.0,0.08362148683554757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942569536332787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154963416249968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498882064513793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615335137845904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550135533817856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269389471582054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05143644344082998,0.2591316720306125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259080210146866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633608588558644,0.0,0.059001663302639375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514557076228401,0.11423558961372952,0.14675857255040808,0.0,0.10502910760978633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493382729255866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059633939245873166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478726295142081,0.14262063130252833,0.0,0.0,0.08652567381149621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070124221386125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451410337856149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heldou,2018/01/28,"Best way to break it off with pwBPD, do I go for the closure talk? Was friends with a pwBPD for years. Ended up dating them for a while. I get the sense from the way she treats me that she lost interest/has another target already but doesn't want to be the one to break it off for the usual reasons. So she's doing the slow fade thing, taking really long to reply, stopped arranging to meet etc. Which would be the ideal situation, except that I actually care about the friendship that we had, and as far as possible I want to minimize the fallout from mutual friends and family. Should I 1) do the slow fade thing as well? 2) actually have a closure talk (hey, it's clearly not working out, you're no longer interested etc.) I want this to end on as amicable terms as it is possible with a pwBPD. How would you feel if someone pulled the slow fade on you vs giving a closure talk?",5.8085795454545455,5.536380880681822,6.627409090909094,78.89486363636365,66.89772727272728,10.221818181818184,31.236363636363638,9.888512548439397,2.7372654545454536,689,24,142,14,10,229,106,176,0.057,0.759,0.184,0.982,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,2,1,4,4,9,0,0,16,0,13,0,0,2,1,24,23,12,0,8,5,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,1,1,1,3,1,14,8,29,15,4,28,0,1,0,0,15,7,0,1,15,97,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.2709793094877038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321547620050013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455878256720145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570599584922267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155855839245113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24594540505845486,0.0,0.30969081317742914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088777562566706,0.0,0.07020263042858392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453779689161548,0.0,0.07253915612034639,0.13318979061443836,0.07890704470214177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287070199730304,0.0,0.0,0.1515623222031027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408285673104856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31304673523813065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894566885941275,0.14275258519958114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560640996343354,0.0,0.0,0.11764028135093905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607803550094473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043918208739693,0.3347875516019717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448076235354754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291472446752472,0.0,0.24567762886836134,0.22041245666170367,0.0,0.0,0.1248355317726124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010785482411888,0.0,0.0,0.19725858768157667,0.0,0.0,0.08940962391959363 bpd,usurname9000,2018/01/29,"Reconnecting with BPD friend A good friend of mine has BPD, and she's recently begun to devalue me. I'm not sure exactly when it began or for what reason, but we ""stopped being friends"" about two weeks ago. I don't view it as being my fault, and I don't resent her for it. I'm prepared for the possibility of us never reconnecting, but I don't believe that the situation warrants completely severing our ties and never talking with each other again. I do my best to be a loyal friend regardless of circumstance, and I think this is something that her illness is making her do, not a reflection of how she feels when her thought process is more sober and rational. In the beginning, I was hurt by her sudden dislike for me, but after I've had some time to remove myself from the situation and think about it, I don't blame myself. At the moment, she has no power over how I view myself or if I'm happy or depressed, I just view her as a friend with an illness who I want to help. How should I go about trying to reconnect with her?",10.033495145631068,6.255606791262139,10.147645631067963,68.17253640776701,61.18446601941748,13.406796116504855,39.82766990291262,11.20814326018867,4.2193805825242725,813,29,160,16,8,274,115,206,0.127,0.679,0.195,0.9418,1,0,1,1,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,2,10,14,1,0,10,0,17,2,0,5,4,41,29,20,0,4,10,0,1,0,5,1,2,0,0,0,10,12,0,1,6,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,4,4,32,10,28,21,4,21,0,2,3,0,21,3,0,5,16,127,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289643032915368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620035735097434,0.14549464203902515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492256905635341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536191724071149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941085188845997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010079801365487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355664978071183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879258610040736,0.11628506623559995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475853808545351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292779881172998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484175132229082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925436044136538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138561874031433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629632267188642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254551545875388,0.1368907593118988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662429256950913,0.0,0.0,0.3116754417565243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673222346033502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159096585241403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066702218013704,0.0,0.0,0.11143397518991068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776704573616348,0.0,0.1100650636918204,0.08084238531557197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412779290014052,0.0,0.13543161461687314,0.0,0.16676744051798426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177375374034618,0.0,0.11120903934700216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OurWorldAhead,2018/01/29,"When do you tell someone youre dating you ""got"" it? Do you tell them at all? I've thought about this before, and I don't like categorizing myself into this, but it's still a part of me I can't always ignore. How do you tend to go about that",1.7244339622641505,2.6011425283018887,3.8265566037735854,91.22775943396229,76.54716981132076,6.054716981132076,18.910377358490567,5.985473137389443,-0.33676981132075445,186,3,45,1,4,64,39,53,0.033,0.904,0.064,0.3549,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,1,8,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,10,1,6,7,2,6,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,4,34,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799824471681489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28632392298944204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123216061863094,0.0,0.2691177659963078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643895579973099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643804282275244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851026199681393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26871732870213066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5882053833544469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671314774665738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bitterpickleguy,2018/01/29,"Intrusive thoughts Sometimes I get really intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend and what he would do with his ex. IE: having sex with her. He's told me that he enjoys our sex life much more than he did with theirs and some details about how she was terrible at giving head. I don't understand why I compare myself or anything. He genuinely loves me, cares for me, and understands me despite any craziness on my part. I'm pretty level headed with him but still. Does anyone deal with these thoughts too? like, even when you know 100% your partner is happier and only wants you?",3.987499999999997,6.448999787037039,3.9182962962962975,86.20633333333332,74.27777777777777,7.282962962962964,27.46666666666667,8.238735603445708,1.9824266666666668,459,18,84,8,10,140,83,108,0.018000000000000002,0.8079999999999999,0.175,0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,3,1,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,1,0,21,20,8,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,19,4,11,13,4,5,0,0,0,3,20,3,0,2,3,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388143261196123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273770737104189,0.0,0.14990988680654335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573383489410705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780864290396546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941766152414932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032116455594488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951759879389443,0.17475347912897352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37391670170299823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011553305333948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12867162812485605,0.08899876262313132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644149875826231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339154629312065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385480305854951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972716979801544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533176154177866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670237647292303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801701855799096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454807108263789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338664433771945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740706596259267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792895207837893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744822655160466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437954057857446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940790854312792,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gellish,2018/01/29,"Maintaining a routine with BPD? Hi, I’m 21 years old and diagnosed with BPD. Recently my body has been calling out that I NEED to exercise more. The thing is, I give up way to easily, I start something and give up a day or two later. I love sports to be honest, I’d do them every day if I didn’t get a panic attack every time I walked into a place with people. So my question is, if anyone here has been able to maintain a routine, how did you achieve it or for how long and what kept you from giving up?",4.609937694704051,3.916376925233649,6.032289719626171,83.5771573208723,69.46728971962617,9.002492211838009,28.113707165109034,8.344100000000001,1.7160791277258571,389,11,86,5,6,133,73,107,0.06,0.82,0.119,0.7399,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,1,4,4,1,1,6,0,10,4,1,2,0,17,19,10,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,5,0,11,2,14,13,1,17,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,5,9,58,15,1,0.16266197517222647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373703511972492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505147940358727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068078489895345,0.4097341269540671,0.0,0.16609606334993962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980703459325736,0.0,0.0,0.16509848079213152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740994592721272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498416840204723,0.4681205655149324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395072935357306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468087833404541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061179350780242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068638025383365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908487803841777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276933253170245,0.0,0.16994714321836887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221863913473246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060907679567182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252251354326714,0.0,0.0,0.11513298324349346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080653884970855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484950581587867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889711403385084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911350459998786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474897892857056 bpd,uttfan,2018/01/29,DAE feel like they have to spend hours planning out every single detail of their future? Just to completely change how you want to love your life days or weeks later? I literally feel like a different person every few days who has made zero progress. ,6.919710144927535,8.089806043478262,6.294347826086959,77.24557971014494,64.65217391304348,8.742028985507247,26.20289855072464,8.841846274778883,1.9435159420289865,202,5,34,3,3,62,40,46,0.0,0.741,0.259,0.9129,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,2,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,8,7,2,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,5,3,5,6,2,7,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,8,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583672263672499,0.0,0.2560747405508081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150214971634609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551725856051169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.411555419002026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24698413455878285,0.3489616889892875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405213287782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250972285707405,0.23864082701807476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043075349839725,0.2311001506931199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325574014880294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14405556262888985,0.0,0.19590981213140196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,uncomfortablebases,2018/01/29,"Guy just friendzoned me and I completely split So I’ve been planning to hang out with this guy for a few days now after we started talking and hit it off. We decided to get pizza and hike a trail today and I actually wasn’t too excited (not as excited as I used to be) since DBT has helped me not intensify my emotions, but I was stoked nonetheless since all my friends left campus and I’ve been pretty lonely. I’m looking for a relationship and being a gay guy...it’s hard. So I saw this as a potential relationship. He’s sweet and charming and he has an attractive personality. Well today he says “Oh just a heads up before we hang out, I’m only looking for a friendship right now” Usually I’d overreact and cry or something, but this time I’ve completely split. I’m totally uninterested and the thought of still hanging out with him makes me irritated. I still agreed to hang out because DBT has helped me to stop the irrational thoughts. But....I’ve split and I’m afraid I’ll be cold while we hang out or something...how do I go about this ",2.0014073426573407,4.419565067307693,3.868426573426575,84.16748251748253,81.01923076923076,7.435664335664335,26.28146853146853,8.438071523408619,2.0460884615384627,826,35,166,19,22,278,115,208,0.098,0.745,0.157,0.928,0,2,2,0,0,0,23.0,4,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,10,0,11,3,1,2,2,38,26,21,0,0,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,22,1,1,3,0,0,6,3,2,1,0,7,7,18,7,23,15,3,28,0,1,3,1,18,9,0,2,13,98,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.13436565548072288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393459442103485,0.0,0.1171641162324808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887308572159871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124608681432233,0.08879871040953273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488280676894547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637901380452132,0.0,0.07193738354825285,0.0,0.07825244520324592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090044786863589,0.0,0.0,0.12334326607209585,0.0,0.14130974507331495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845815157052084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14960067416505754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312499771595481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190919719352722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471950995116072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022566639519218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008031124675027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29565523244567216,0.0,0.1175865754984687,0.0,0.10949667762953473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277973130917165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060005500658048,0.0,0.0,0.09745774690009484,0.0,0.21991895057193064,0.11511507174836012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067007022991047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862108585598056,0.080288192583817,0.0,0.2610281912226241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189200200543834,0.1516461697727178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379991731193632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,moonkittiee,2018/01/29,"How do you/loved ones calm you during a BPD ""episode""? I've been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD & Anxiety for the past 7 years, no depression according to my therapists. Currently unmedicated. Well, the past weekend I triggered myself into BPD+Anxiety ""episode"" due to being a dumb-ass, fun stuff. The whole ""episode"" didnt last long, 2-2 and a half days, and my partner was with me the whole time. It was the first ""episode"" he was with me from start to finish, and he tried his best but nothing helped me until it just passed on its own. In the past I would end up harming myself to quiet the emotional pain, and thats the only thing that helped to bring me back to reality. He said it was impossible to communicate with me since I was so shut down, and simple phrases like: ""I love you"", ""I'm here with you, I wont abandon you"", ""You're amazing and beautiful"" - just seem to aggravate and make me spin even deeper into self loathing and abandonment anxiety. Distraction also didn't work, since my head is so chaotic and its impossible for me to consentrate on anything but the voices in my head. We tried to talk about what was going on inside me, what I was feeling and thinking, and it didnt go so well either, since in my mind he was the enemy at that time. So he just ended up being physically there for me, embracing me, holding my hand and let me cry as much as I needed. I wanted to know, when your BPD is acting up (and high anxiety), is there anything that helps you sooth yourself and get out from ""that state""? Is there anything your partner/friends/family do that help you? I didn't find anything on the topic through google honestly, and the BPD stigma most article host just kills me.",6.67906842818428,6.29209792987805,6.950203252032522,77.68883468834692,65.12804878048779,10.459620596205962,33.16124661246612,9.994966539143718,3.0511153116531164,1323,49,260,26,18,429,175,328,0.14300000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.14,-0.6362,1,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,1,8,0,3,20,16,1,1,15,0,24,6,3,3,0,47,39,27,1,3,7,0,2,1,1,2,2,3,0,2,16,24,0,3,5,1,0,5,6,7,2,3,14,5,39,9,41,20,7,43,0,3,0,1,24,17,0,2,21,182,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869351287493966,0.0,0.09307168453923227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628504342539822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827506993532835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605113801044132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014585004138304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409348119447375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435617404552044,0.05539784037325727,0.0,0.07398480519140799,0.0871858210333212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662497311477837,0.15216228730703232,0.0,0.0,0.05673557319988245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097806631108871,0.0,0.04343318720853808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851025965331429,0.07306576635896044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044878756372660984,0.0,0.09763692396418193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631460332371673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23030553700008,0.0907571597819181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950346736782994,0.0,0.047207922022330095,0.07001926558880843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783769260647732,0.0,0.041965981879736936,0.0,0.0,0.07601803763923443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752732944015364,0.0,0.05733834434621085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673364639290389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314575309979592,0.06369312541718024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242254352411756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058207481750568425,0.06533016830408105,0.0914027434970708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24600135237492435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041150030496364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170975480949598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819935278989659,0.08961153908065647,0.0,0.0,0.213169973920428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079985487412184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833396647483524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904247659024099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973552461335476,0.05706757310060154,0.055040701779966325,0.0,0.0,0.10017696104150073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116639757788833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050665539560013496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446728957750386,0.0,0.0,0.19180664896089775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253559847722298,0.0,0.0,0.061020285956246326,0.0,0.0,0.05531623117591245 bpd,comadotcom,2018/01/29,"i’m so fucking embarressed of my emotions I hate my emotional outbursts, i hate how stupid and intense and nonsensical it is, i hate crying over tiny matters and when i snap out of it i feel so much shame, so much, no matter how much my friends try to pretend everything’s fine and they go on as if nothings happened the air feels heavy and my throat feels tight and I want to move past it but I’ve already fucked it, i’ve already messed everything up. It’s all over the moment I started crying and I’m spiralling deeper and deeper and nothing can be the same now. It’s embarressing. I’m embarressing ",2.44925,4.8088707583333345,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,78.91666666666666,6.333333333333332,27.5,7.492282038375204,1.6340000000000003,481,21,94,7,12,156,70,120,0.236,0.69,0.07400000000000001,-0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,6,1,3,0,3,3,1,2,1,23,18,18,0,2,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,8,0,0,0,4,12,2,10,17,5,13,0,0,0,2,2,6,2,1,5,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251257189693427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236314344855316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314131690118717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26478971234160004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345667609090286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381316886227452,0.2723758179676876,0.0,0.0,0.08372101264417232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026783910755066,0.0,0.0,0.4363213909618309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656973221990755,0.32487461786279925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827003772088901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062632247761772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426845115578497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001542695296756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688865043892195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lu029,2018/01/29,This morning I was googling ways to kill myself but now I believe I'm the best human being alive and worth more than everyone else. Borderline and narcissistic personality disorder. What a beautiful combo. It's not even noon yet. Anyone else get this way? ,4.365000000000002,7.442516804347829,5.4414782608695695,72.43613043478264,76.6086956521739,8.897391304347826,28.76521739130435,9.3871,3.3788921739130418,207,9,33,6,5,68,41,46,0.11,0.6,0.29,0.91,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,2,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592675792693186,0.2724508016407342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29958355487625177,0.2790505912835992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047498380098494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4442585351394208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756275551339648,0.0,0.0,0.25408334837420393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892423773378965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941841678812626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321777389746977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.422125568678492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PeterZBPD1998,2018/01/29,"oh god!! i just impulsively got into a relationship because of my fragile emotions, halp! why do i do this to myself?? so a girl that used to go to my school messaged me saying i am quite attractive etc which lead to more talking and not even 2 hours later i found myself asking her out with her reply being ''yes Babe''. i am 19 and being a virgin probably plays a part in this as well, all my life i have been bitter by other people geting partners while i always struggled but now that chance is right in front of me. i promised myself to pursue dating after starting DBT but i just couldn't contain my scarcity and my abandonment issues. should i give dating a go? in november 2016 i feel extremely hard for someone who was not interested and that gave me major panic attacks and possibly PTSD flashbacks. my impulsive/suicide risk seems to go high when my emotions become very fragile and once my dopamine spikes causing an almost hypomanic/depressive episode",6.218333333333334,7.379406611111111,6.6488888888888935,74.11000000000001,66.22222222222223,8.666666666666668,32.77777777777778,8.841846274778883,2.9397777777777785,770,32,126,12,12,250,127,180,0.139,0.794,0.068,-0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,7,11,2,3,6,1,12,2,0,3,1,27,24,12,0,2,6,0,4,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,8,9,0,2,3,1,0,5,3,6,1,0,5,6,27,5,18,15,5,21,0,1,0,1,13,7,0,2,9,93,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917231053522273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395528468669564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926718988778014,0.1694753061458123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081095711484843,0.16452607374443082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303360956851433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830796457987334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33514323909801896,0.0,0.0,0.16614134521601198,0.09839352685617032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532389700191165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333832561315115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290595678111973,0.2539898891929279,0.0,0.11914521655097092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344819407230468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573953788557194,0.0,0.0,0.14670581029843574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548636642523214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522218052206052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864858612406327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747846360775239,0.0,0.16132039766077555,0.0,0.10327730000465317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679417131374382,0.0,0.0,0.16061525886046346,0.0,0.1741383949205481,0.0,0.0,0.15844832955630786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993843074838238,0.0,0.12721988517999294,0.0,0.11846722039967494,0.0,0.15076597133365446,0.0,0.13561703328104865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622211420935753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544199725156844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557361795276795,0.0,0.1629494099583738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973674348305452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866257251550062,0.0,0.1229161597426107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339422565794704,0.0,0.13442259140537693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PapiPapSmear,2018/01/29,"Afraid my impulsiveness is going to ruin what I built. Long story short, I've been clean for over 2 and a half years. I was an addict, I smoked crack (freebase) to the point I lost a high paying media job (funny enough I was taught how to cook up a sheet by my boss), burnt many bridges and ruined MANY friendships. After this firing, I started a quick and incredibly serious downward spiral for almost 4 months straight of constantly smoking coke and floating from couch to couch, effectively homeless with no belongings. One day my impulsiveness kicked in (the one time I'm incredibly happy it did) and I basically sobered up for long enough to sell the last thing I owned (laptop) and bought a bus ticket to the other side of the country to start again. Now this was incredibly stupid of me. I have always moved without a plan and it's rarely ever worked out, often times ending with me losing my belongings (or selling) and begging people for a place to stay. But somehow this time was different and I hit the lucky universe lottery. I got clean, got a great job again, replaced everything I ever sold of mine and then some (video games, tvs, built a great pc), met the love of my life and moved in together and we have a dog. Simple stuff but I was so proud to have my shit in order once again. But my illness would still show it's face, but mind you it was manageable as I had a mental health team and finally seemed to be on the right meds. But I always had the want to pick up and move as I was unhappy with how lonely I have become out here as my only friends are my girlfriend's bestfriends, which doesn't do the trick when you just want to have a beer or dinner and shoot the shit with a buddy. Namely your own buddy. Well somewhere along the line, I couldn't make my appointments because of work hours, then that turned into ""can't make my appointments cause fuck my appointments"". That meant no script, no meds. That turned into quitting my job packing my stuff up buying a plane ticket and convincing my girlfriend that we should move (albeit she is coming down 2 months after me) some how she's super excited about it. I don't think she understands how out of control this is, and I dont really wanna let her know as she will have a heart attack. So now I have mailed all my stuff across the country, found a new job there (don't know how I managed that one) and a new apt, I am fucked though and I am the only one who knows this. I am terrified that I am capable of making such rash decisions, I did not plan this out. I bought a ticket and just assumed shit would fall into place. I am so tired of living like this, my life was so good and I ruined it. I dont know what to do. I can't get my job I quit back, and my girlfriend isnt quite aware of how ""by the seat of my pants"" this is, no one is. I don't wanna get more impulsive, sell my shit and some how end up smoking crack again. I don't know what to do.",4.835282680639821,5.206831845238097,5.2775657289943005,85.53023993381137,68.98299319727892,8.261518661518663,26.09597352454495,8.098718942377014,1.3576345284059563,2287,60,480,28,37,731,278,588,0.145,0.7559999999999999,0.099,-0.988,6,2,2,1,0,0,69.0,2,3,0,14,33,30,9,1,34,0,51,20,7,15,3,96,87,49,0,8,11,0,1,1,4,4,6,0,4,0,30,38,4,1,13,9,8,7,17,17,1,6,23,1,70,13,66,56,9,72,0,6,0,3,21,28,6,11,36,335,100,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340814955684237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742908723747866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120609002394202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660647717865904,0.0,0.051778617416125584,0.0,0.041048502416071435,0.07436931786836927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691744773063972,0.0,0.058005558623318486,0.0,0.07276824766171956,0.0755250769078916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04342731508900037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035367666606125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783881765686256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928262096540924,0.13915591125784954,0.0,0.0,0.1218218040059163,0.0,0.0,0.0605188793713578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376527661811612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383243021091561,0.052025022999096684,0.12450543584560315,0.07036245025677478,0.0,0.03826962777559978,0.05647975807046609,0.10771239209098048,0.14848034087930315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168234817455736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157694046410118,0.0,0.07979562605003596,0.0,0.07114609067567099,0.0,0.0,0.06631417617227596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341119175119892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503548970027714,0.0548893005311715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885747039615077,0.09512536963841503,0.03289785135722356,0.0,0.0594605176663213,0.1191836811963584,0.0,0.07533378219519962,0.07350717134842623,0.0,0.06077500026935302,0.0,0.13484552808343125,0.13653993533993172,0.0,0.0,0.14959424771521776,0.0,0.06786067189071318,0.0,0.06799198967584427,0.0,0.10749679093675182,0.2862777304640392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007054809199578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171256726854945,0.2281492052296176,0.10242687385078424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046683557066850484,0.0,0.1407073533321225,0.0,0.06365599354540978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21486614100065826,0.0,0.0,0.04313832373713383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750611963684936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130181087351769,0.0,0.0,0.2764851667185139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532409340125096,0.07177314316392082,0.05377606001530549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23125703731126046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04473624714801615,0.043147348034025146,0.06615905392929351,0.0,0.1177956511254512,0.07739490387492931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648839594014215,0.0,0.07010103235331161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943516699575442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060544775845308825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491124342888349,0.0,0.09804545162957563,0.0,0.0,0.09566969279625738,0.0,0.0,0.04336334024262775 bpd,mimi_x,2018/01/29,"off work with crippling anxiety I made a friend at my old job who moved away to Canada last year, and I've been out to visit him since, and things developed to more than friends, and we recently just took a 2 week trip together. We got back to our different sides of the world and he has pretty much ghosted me. Knowing my background, my BPD diagnosis, how I handle assumed rejection, I'm pretty taken aback that he has done this to me. We talked things out before we left each other about how a relationship probably wouldn't work with us living on seperate sides of the planet but I was struggling with it when I got home and tried to pick up my life which hasn't really worked for me, I'm really depressed and I tired to talk this through with him but he just told me not to wallow. He sent me an email last night explaining why he's dropped off and stopped talking to me, that I've had a huge impact and the powerful connection he's made with me but then said he doesn't want to hang onto it and explore, as the timing is not right, but maybe, if and when we're in the same place and time but not now. He sent this just as I was about to go to sleep (there's an 8 hour time difference) so obviously, because I've been feeling totally rejected and the abandonment issues are at the forefront I didn't sleep, had a panic attack, had to take additional medication, and now feel really ill, feel like I have the flu and was unable to get to work this morning. I'd spent most of the weekend in bed, and on my own, (not there was anyone to talk to) but I was hoping I could start the week fresh and was trying to be positive. I'm trying to handle this rationally, trying to not to let the usual behaviours creep in, trying not to push but I'm falling apart here, I don't know what's wrong with me. I deleted all social media, his number, the email, any messages I had from him, I've cried a lot, and I guess writing here in an attempt not to split so dramatically because I don't want to lash out, I have done that already whilst he was ignoring me. I don't know what to do, I thought I had a handle on all this. I really don't.",6.028451459201904,5.037287388127859,6.762070676990273,80.50039011316262,66.67123287671234,10.174468929918604,30.687313877307922,9.43228470229965,2.383521620011912,1668,51,358,28,23,554,216,438,0.115,0.795,0.09,-0.9195,3,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,6,0,0,6,19,13,1,2,22,0,34,7,2,5,4,82,65,34,1,6,18,0,3,1,2,1,5,1,2,0,18,32,0,3,10,1,1,11,15,9,0,0,29,4,44,4,59,32,10,60,0,4,0,0,38,25,0,6,24,236,62,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709816394739533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983560780743261,0.0,0.0673114235122946,0.0,0.0,0.06152402717256885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010030800579486,0.08266865937312258,0.0676581895207195,0.0,0.1072746818899548,0.0,0.07487224656563789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081919593611336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025213958529218,0.0,0.0966518987910949,0.0,0.0,0.07578488610601225,0.0,0.0,0.18385977173153986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008680454846332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334698038592291,0.06285943328166874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359603265419155,0.0,0.04597067507959818,0.0,0.05000623535619051,0.0,0.14074584841178078,0.0,0.09692991773154502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826024522843752,0.08739303354200673,0.08665154311317938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918377640013026,0.08731560850490028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450695308789949,0.14344572656902024,0.0,0.0,0.09560041864905616,0.08997482000222748,0.06214930610738933,0.04298703157837312,0.0,0.07769599062363458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480518946624416,0.0,0.16651483486284602,0.0,0.0,0.08839688123038635,0.0,0.0,0.08863976507899493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351849233263446,0.06468211539336667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257181329986961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232976299821873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103236254908947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192988586576993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790331022827348,0.09486713579694064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547229174212635,0.0,0.08687862484314432,0.094467368397034,0.0,0.07514221381622699,0.08369778694378413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278549585502077,0.0,0.1761052968053506,0.08969381051777202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227914049346583,0.0,0.0,0.07356283060474222,0.0,0.0919853156952193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615685562157793,0.28288923442220965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691210152102614,0.0,0.0,0.06985351987880513,0.15392146191374084,0.10113053101099306,0.0,0.08407735929873622,0.09775913177664956,0.2986941283615801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584005796769637,0.0,0.0969075667453366,0.0,0.10379650619127916,0.0,0.14115910317337052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939648028154829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25622846182572834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962022721615742,0.0,0.05666209796234229 bpd,rcnans,2018/01/29,"DAE downplay their symptoms on unconsciously? Therapist saying I don't make any sense I've been on and off therapy for years and I've always lied to all my therapist and psychs. I've been told I'm hard to treat and I know it but this time I really want to get help. I've never been formally diagnosed, but bpd is written all over my file, except I never stayed for long enough to be diagnosed. I know I have BPD, I've had time to accept it and knowing helps me feel less inadequate and alone, it makes things make sense but nothing I've told my therapist and psych makes sense to them. They want to diagnose me soon (I'm sitting a few tests this week and next week) and today my therapist told me my mental illnesses make no sense to her because there seems to be no reason for me to have developped them which is why she's sure it's a PD thing, but she already told me she doesn't know how to treat me or if she can. I'm scared and frustrated because I'm trying this time, I'm being honest but I'm also confused by my behaviour and I don't know how to explain it. She told me I'm like two different people in one brain (behaviour vs logical reasoning) and I'm so scared they're gonna diagnose me with yet another m.i. She says a part of me is doing everything for attention, yet I hide all of my symptoms and basically she can't read me AT ALL. I know I downplay my symptoms a lot because I'm used to hiding my problems , she also said I'm dowplaying how maladapted I am and I'm always trying to be different and I don't know how to take it because I know I'm really sick but I can't help but pretend I'm completely healthy. I know not feeling sick enough is normal, I know we don't notice 100% how our pd influences us but I'm so lost, but I'm really scared I may be faking it unconsciously because then why doesnt it make sense? What if it's the opposite and I'm too sick to be treated?? I bet this won't make sense at all either.",2.979674796747968,3.976156073170735,4.878536585365853,84.42772357723578,73.6341463414634,8.783739837398375,26.59349593495935,9.21078282632365,2.043408130081301,1530,53,332,34,30,526,174,410,0.165,0.7440000000000001,0.092,-0.9865,2,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,3,0,4,1,14,15,1,4,5,0,29,12,1,16,8,83,80,38,0,6,16,0,3,1,0,3,11,3,0,0,17,18,0,0,19,2,1,0,14,8,0,2,12,6,53,7,32,59,12,24,0,1,0,0,28,7,0,8,16,198,70,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927662530427674,0.07381345527901527,0.1069819001029934,0.11131368168506772,0.0,0.0,0.04548667844408917,0.0701387400666202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038739614722441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848820679489604,0.07467002345169019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013163531192103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715629003619339,0.0,0.13976912113053425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822802402316253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011534138925804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764197521180436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03494663782697701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991922746157041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345024602106421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676033577622782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03267848952022308,0.0,0.0,0.059194484081429466,0.0,0.0,0.07301702784438369,0.0568664667057589,0.0,0.0,0.3125415588120721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674081790672642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103177533901944,0.0,0.07113699877760914,0.0,0.06553682321395728,0.06418160863009667,0.07615334335713887,0.0,0.0,0.045325582702568944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243405329554088,0.0,0.04637227257824656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400354909657073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690690213211573,0.0,0.12855203625823275,0.1375456556334314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362656720135934,0.1063853186656395,0.20090207615808295,0.0,0.0,0.06089305232881356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712945621052135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304190341447655,0.20856922673680228,0.05029205399258845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649317344333008,0.3106522139967043,0.08887589452127273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701019343275988,0.0,0.06340276231459832,0.3195755794073098,0.0,0.09082621046415107,0.0,0.06534063932499555,0.0,0.0804589918894806,0.057770447940044836,0.0,0.0,0.07890549580338936,0.0,0.107308323100305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207134781610974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043074194855264585 bpd,All_In_My_Head_00,2018/01/29,"I'm done. I don't know what to do. I want to be dead. I ruin everything. I just want my girlfriend to love me, but how could she? I abuse her when she didn't do anything wrong. She says that when I get angry she's afraid that I'm going to hit her. I feel like all I do is try to work on this and manage it, and I still can't. Slow Improvement isn't enough. I'm still a worthless human being. We had such a good weekend, but I had to ruin it. She said she wanted to make a fun photo collage for Instagram of the good time we had this weekend, but now it's ruined. The memory of the weekend is ruined. I ruin so many good memories. Everything becomes about me and the horrible things I say and the tantrums I throw. I want to kill myself so badly, but instead I'm supposed to go into work and help a person with a disability on their first day at their new job. How am I supposed to be responsible for anyone, when I can't even take care of myself? I can't hold it together anymore. I don't know what to do. I want to be dead. I'm 37, and I'm the biggest worthless loser I know, and I haven't accomplished anything, and I probably never will. I make everything worse for everyone, including myself, so why should I go on? What's the point? There's no hope.",1.2613764044943814,2.9229435692883925,3.553993445692885,89.39705758426967,79.59925093632957,6.6971910112359545,22.360955056179773,7.6454224807358475,0.8840887640449441,971,30,216,15,24,335,128,267,0.28300000000000003,0.588,0.129,-0.9956,1,0,0,0,1,3,35.0,2,0,2,5,17,21,2,1,12,0,26,1,0,4,2,36,53,20,3,8,5,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,2,12,12,0,1,4,3,0,4,10,13,0,1,6,4,42,8,25,39,2,26,0,8,0,1,20,7,0,1,16,150,54,5,0.0,0.1441490177649023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065554545742192,0.08506856993107234,0.0,0.20023414446077767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158229500844186,0.0,0.1343656004504357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404203725213392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713683131236016,0.0,0.0,0.07846162147421817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450198426887744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570888175606773,0.0,0.08035629256552969,0.0,0.0,0.11625280476297213,0.3280246127729455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151572464222393,0.08691502071134563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103485234517335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635631275699555,0.0,0.20742915206716647,0.3061317552972167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154715845312986,0.0,0.0,0.12083734968297813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073029496815865,0.0,0.13460045631439735,0.0,0.20058598403893074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943767776606946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980428001263406,0.0,0.16242003080764686,0.12334569499404145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383287145151363,0.117501462943575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623015452229513,0.0,0.0,0.1150094694983867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311717055365448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572797440148465,0.1935002621824281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943181086212006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147432893296206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082651397423778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094181600507016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260019219891662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587956100779553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978060678907096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714208436010426,0.0,0.12398349200691736,0.0,0.13301778334422426,0.0,0.0 bpd,ottovonthrowaway,2018/01/29,"Jealousy with a favorite person First and foremost, sorry for my bad English it’s not my first language. My favorite person is someone I am extremely close with and we tend to share every detail of our lives with one another. A fact that he admits he only does with me, which I love a great deal. He is has his own set of issues that I won’t talk about here since I’m paranoid he will find this thread somehow. We help each other deal with our issues by being open and honest with one another and I try to be completely and utterly supportive of him otherwise I’m sure he will leave me. Issue is, since he shares everything with me he also tends to espouse feelings of love and admiration for his other friends and potential romantic partners. I want to be as supportive as possible and I give him advice as much as I can but whenever he puts other people on a pedestal I feel immensely jealous and hurt because a big part of me thinks it somehow cuts into the love he gives me. I feel like I don’t even come close to those other people he loves and that he love them more than me. I overanalyze all the details about his other close friends can convince myself that a simple word/sentence or even something he does for them somehow justifies in my mind that he loves them more. If he ever expresses his love for one of his friends I’ll hang onto those words for months on end and it drives me mad. He does show his love for me and routinely puts me on a pedestal too but if he ever does that for other people I can’t help but feel overcome with envy and jealously that I just can’t shake. I can’t tell him to stop because it would make me a worse friend since he would suddenly be unable to talk to me about everything. But on the other hand it makes me feel like shit since it makes the love he feels for me less special. So, what do I do in this situation or how do I overcome these feelings?",5.430761438652404,5.5831444685863865,5.961736854086047,81.90178124288644,67.66492146596858,9.05185522422035,30.483041201912126,8.841846274778883,2.281345640792169,1505,53,302,23,23,488,177,382,0.098,0.6679999999999999,0.234,0.996,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,4,0,3,2,16,33,5,1,12,0,23,11,2,4,5,68,54,28,0,5,10,0,8,2,5,5,0,0,0,3,27,30,0,1,10,1,0,6,6,8,0,5,0,8,50,25,47,45,8,28,0,1,0,9,63,13,1,7,10,207,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815581479935176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055776530909060464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627130755696632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058235706592214914,0.08503406503464074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060080735642316176,0.07312824544922937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438118799722106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441437545159684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617750073185603,0.0,0.0,0.0921342735226739,0.12618003818356788,0.05876472945360488,0.0,0.1253679433204553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246862721849514,0.09965432744321384,0.0,0.0,0.0637473575154573,0.11865327030615412,0.0,0.0,0.21554497381136173,0.0,0.0,0.13381506823449554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689614857759687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349968698208036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466544568173414,0.0,0.0,0.21839277243628968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385184371556994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814957592009084,0.0,0.061587746551403574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5665432986691609,0.0,0.13966969231242382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042443611373651,0.0,0.055671270408832664,0.0,0.05127196007516397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178681228210538,0.053045622493358334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552904198967811,0.0,0.14506105195143612,0.12180051867290301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786290939478649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022969732802845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159413944493452,0.2307812609302725,0.07839838190743358,0.0,0.0,0.059096279840515985,0.053694532809611235,0.0,0.07807588854431784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583114898275141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829579814719202,0.06573558089692537,0.0,0.0,0.1121197524600184,0.060961821294902435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469096535615727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047353532984826884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041138499328722836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107799899768982,0.09909232249963812,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marcjojo,2018/01/29,"Advice needed regarding work Hey everyone. I having problems sorting my emotions regarding my job. I've been trying some DBT techniques but I'm still very confused on how to feel. I'm working a seasonal job so it's not essential for me, or my lifestyle. But I'm an advocate for my co-workers and am willing to go that extra step for them. Two months ago they needed an overnight associate so I accepted since everyone else had a family. That turned into 7 nights a week at 60+ hours. I justified working those hours by telling myself that it also benefitted me, even if I didn't necessarily want it. 1/3 of those hours are overtime after all. Now the company wants to cut back cost and hours. So they don't want me working that much(45-49 hours now). But still asking me to work 7 days a week. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of by the higher-ups. I never wanted to work 7 days. 40 hours with two days off is world's better than 50hr with no time for myself. Do you guys think I'm overreacting a little? I'm prone to overthink whenever there's a little bit of change. What would you all feel in that situation? 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He's very shy and seldom speaks but he somehow becomes the center of attention in every social situation with my family. I honestly just want to leave him right now but I know that I'll feel different tomorrow. Maybe. I'm tired of everything being about him. He claims that he hates deciding things but apparently he loves it when it comes to my family. This was supposed to be my trip with my family. He's come down here with me before so it's not like this is anything new. I've pretty much been having a constant meltdown for the past 6 days and have been trying to hide it. It's come out a few times but otherwise I've managed it relatively okay given the circumstance. I just walk away, cry and throw things in private. Oh, and my dad told him that he should leave me because of how volatile I am (which is true, he really should leave) and then told me how I ruin everything. So yeah, that's been my ""vacation"". I'm just coming up alone next time and spending the time with my grandma instead of my dad. She is the primary reason for me coming. I have a hard time trusting my fiancé while I'm away (even though he's literally done nothing to break my trust) but hey maybe my pent up anger and mistrust from when I get back will finally convince him to leave me. 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How can I help my boyfriend get over my past BPD behaviors? For a tldr and the actual question go to the end of this post. I thought things had been going amazing for a while, so did he. We hardly ever fight anymore, things are mostly peaceful. It really did look like things were finally starting to get to a more healthy level for the 2 of us. (no srsly, read my comments on BPDsoffa from the past few days and you'll see how good I thought it was right now as a reflection on his positive comments about us) Right now he's in a different country. A holiday/work trip. After being there for about a week he started to get awfully sick again. It's the same sickness he had a year ago when he went to the same country. At first we thought it was the air polution, then we thought it was a food allergy, now it turns out it's a burn out caused by mental stress. He has talked to a docter, a nurse and today (in a few hours) he'll be talking to the head of behavioral and relationships problems. It's an emergency call because they think he might have developed a disorder. The first 2 already told him to break up with me. He's fearing for what the last one will say. Yes, he fears it. He sounded absolutely terrified of the possibility that this psychologist will tell him this because he really doesn't want to do it. He wants us to work so badly and he wants to find a way to fix this but he doesn't know how to fix this toxic dynamic that has been created between us. I no longer do most of the things that have caused him to get these issues and the few small remnant are mostly controled. I say this because I do feel like whatever it is that he'll need I can get myself to try and provide but neither of us knows what it is that he needs. He apparently tried to distance himself before, tried to hang out with friends more as a way to do this but he feels like neither of these things helped. He doesn't believe that distance will solve the issue at all. He made that very clear to me by clearly stating so and constantly rejecting my suggestions of giving him more space and mostly just more control of his own life again. I know there's some info out there on how to deal with these issues, but I don't know where to find them directly and the indirect places I know I don't think I should visit right now. Tldr; my boyfriend is currently dealing with things like feeling terrified of not pleasing me 100% and feeling empty and not like himself caused by my past BPD behavior. What are the things I can do to help him and are there any resources available to help him with these issues?",5.426717557251909,5.698542501908399,5.77144083969466,82.84987118320613,67.68320610687022,9.145419847328245,31.4513358778626,9.017664075816787,2.4341213740458016,2077,79,423,34,32,665,237,524,0.079,0.8029999999999999,0.119,0.9712,3,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,8,1,2,5,23,16,1,3,33,2,43,5,1,10,5,83,81,29,0,7,7,0,5,5,1,8,3,3,0,0,41,25,1,2,20,1,0,6,12,7,0,3,18,10,44,9,66,53,18,63,0,1,2,0,64,22,0,8,35,292,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.062494317205516764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676806393753137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067031492972968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354975496811633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351099540484581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534711657639602,0.1171155340886295,0.0,0.05449377237613502,0.07215174476114848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613136059155037,0.0,0.0653925390753511,0.0,0.0,0.19736178857206246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920505977061969,0.14365379487737348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04130084251008863,0.13204594436652392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690872125149326,0.0733959931050642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056720899422248436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057928323812236025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412679627204958,0.1295232602949611,0.09150113175624112,0.0,0.07015326796220929,0.11706376449046565,0.1089456805152682,0.07743806045458339,0.0,0.04947755294256416,0.0,0.16729266308102153,0.06143350973128647,0.07279141556140548,0.05371415636208795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057367734094668985,0.0,0.06572405724697578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170006355398326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306701993122192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26736669121490003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597499645618048,0.05220157755737095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04523371871020013,0.15643483543024064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377791435866837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059669586854701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453778956040122,0.06793687978762687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497047986369406,0.04939200303630956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339551903993714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340179045337354,0.0,0.0,0.06690872125149326,0.0702972685484794,0.0,0.07219607286293897,0.06133312322481808,0.0,0.0,0.0612781362717344,0.0,0.0,0.07174004753364084,0.0,0.064057858106982,0.0,0.08205200395950121,0.0,0.0,0.06875556039162642,0.0,0.16407078256763358,0.0,0.1018551962590186,0.0,0.0,0.05103200932594097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065643042664713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733582082596545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294670091639753,0.05597424402451419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29781976756247186,0.0820691687814069,0.0,0.20336410280465309,0.0,0.0,0.060702932321084514,0.0611934687387167,0.0,0.13043794399908554,0.0696577045792515,0.0,0.0,0.3851643493902848,0.0,0.0,0.052840142326926944,0.11331828764214405,0.10166478030152902,0.051369448560658906,0.0,0.0,0.059366210893608176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324453395944046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124000027175942 bpd,pringlescanofemotion,2018/01/29,"I feel like I’ve lost my ability to socialize I’m catching myself never initiating a conversation or guiding it unless I’m drunk (haha of course!). Sometimes when I’m telling a story I feel this deep panic inside me as if I need to finish talking and get to the point faster so I can stop talking because I feel like I’m just annoying everyone. I’ve always been relatively quiet and “hard to get to know”, but it’s not even about opening up anymore. I almost feel guilty for just existing. I’m just catering to the other person and adding on to the conversation if it pertains to the topic they’ve chosen. ",5.067,5.9421097000000005,6.681666666666668,73.87500000000003,68.66666666666666,9.0,31.66666666666667,9.188382445141503,2.902416666666667,484,20,86,9,8,167,77,120,0.124,0.83,0.046,-0.7726,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,6,1,2,1,0,0,1,22,16,11,0,3,9,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,4,1,1,5,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,6,9,3,15,14,0,11,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,4,7,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998084274051716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603155379805504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19788802269148767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163647842668482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179292991736427,0.0,0.0,0.19066705620258756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035695190878573,0.28509989367753336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850067990192894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787468042961726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966083548171923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496832046815413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178192366508553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795485690698407,0.15389596329459365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341147840636893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742288358892424,0.0,0.0,0.18862785314632824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034038051819895,0.0,0.0,0.19734812847735467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682265563907453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32076208154349795,0.1744049577723482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GoingGoingGone95,2018/01/29,"Recently diagnosed and doubting it now So I've thought for a while that I had BPD but I thought I could handle it myself. Like if i could teach myself DBT and focus on being mindful then I'd be fine. Spoiler alert it's not true and I'm finally getting help. I never mentioned BPD to my doctor or my therapist, but as soon as my psych eval was over I could tell what they were leaning towards. My therapist asked me about my sense of self, talked about my black and white view of the world, my unstable relationships/emotions. It very quickly turned to talking about my ""emotional instability disorder"" and talked about starting DBT and possibly getting on some mood stabilizers to join up with the 50mg of Zoloft I'm on. But now that I've got /somewhat/ of a diagnosis I feel like everything I said was a lie? Like nothing was actually as bad as I said it was and that I really am just fine and now I'm wasting their time and my money. Did anyone else feel that way? ",3.4345312499999987,5.28361755729167,4.7004166666666665,82.73625000000001,73.94791666666666,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.316816666666667,769,32,152,16,16,254,114,192,0.099,0.774,0.128,0.5806,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,0,11,9,0,1,5,0,13,3,0,0,2,30,28,21,0,4,7,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,10,10,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,12,7,24,6,23,11,2,20,0,0,3,0,12,7,0,5,15,102,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.12505814838369916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960706052309737,0.13130716495245962,0.0,0.0,0.11980509141583424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700180882636166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228066449393863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30695752601041176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007187628057226,0.0,0.0,0.14687362638617346,0.1311692986034782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705479375320803,0.2883081537718314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517501451525962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959529625581576,0.09155202124072703,0.0,0.1403845691371904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390856396935702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249509286537928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589777833243173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18782620631516495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939728030626702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883894601760124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296557808295155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444724512009991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209763819486411,0.0,0.1265349254958086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380434782932706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369078694752526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070685012005636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30901186798658176,0.112010749583246,0.0,0.0,0.2975893709443472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034772062620206,0.07472663059383143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939289114388334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573906004933956,0.0,0.10172132242467677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Darth_Nikolai,2018/01/30,"Online Therapy Hi, I'm new to this sub so this may have been discussed elsewhere and, if so, I apologise. I was wondering if anyone here has tried online therapy? My current health insurance sucks and I have to pay out-of-pocket for everything until I meet a ridiculously high deductible. I can't switch insurances until November/December because *for some reason* that's the way things work in the US and I desperately need to start going to therapy again. So, if anyone has tried online therapy could you tell me about your experience? Would you recommend it? How does DBT work in an online setting? Thanks",3.546257796257798,6.584174810810815,4.749009009009012,76.22251559251559,80.17117117117118,8.820790020790021,27.457380457380467,9.265573868473778,3.29398212058212,488,21,79,15,13,160,79,111,0.09,0.83,0.08,0.4265,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,3,0,2,7,3,2,0,4,0,10,1,0,2,0,14,17,12,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,12,1,11,12,1,12,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,6,6,55,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162901229669649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428208459168223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234870717010704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534800498146432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900254012799745,0.1512916244789638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878994377592353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644012024421146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341160687082332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468181679612195,0.0,0.14937600273201007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902093438027248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947237668484837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518364880821762,0.14239435359428254,0.7074896467592422,0.0,0.10275226596993428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001417729573207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860424309388386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276553436280002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677271255283964,0.2251952938665584,0.0,0.0,0.10986927096206896,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CommonDeviation,2018/01/30,"Is there a way to get DBT in the UK? and has anyone actually recovered from BPD in this country? I've been to a lot of therapy since I was a child, and I've come to the conclusion that DBT is the only way I can get rid of this godforsaken bastard motherfucker of a soul sucking illness. I've been looking in to this since September, and it's not offered in my area on the NHS. I know there are a few (albeit extremely limited) private therapists who do it for around £150 - £200 p/h, but that's not the ""full"" DBT; as I think a huge part of DBT is also the group therapy, which isn't offered by any of the private therapists. I'm slightly frustrated as I genuinely think I may need inpatient treatment as I'm sort of on an intense spiral atm; but inpatient treatment for BPD is only offered by GP referral if that, and it is soooo difficult to get refered to anything by the GP... Am I asking her the wrong questions or something? Genuinely don't know what to do, and forgive the melodrama but I'm starting to lose hope. I really do think I need intensive treatment as this spiral is getting out of control; is there any hope for me?",7.250197628458494,5.53661908695652,8.366284584980239,72.32183794466405,64.65217391304347,12.189723320158105,40.03952569169961,11.20814326018867,4.436608695652174,890,44,177,22,11,308,118,230,0.101,0.8340000000000001,0.065,-0.8489,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,5,9,3,0,17,0,20,1,0,1,0,33,41,15,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,8,0,2,9,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,3,1,12,3,34,37,4,15,1,1,1,0,10,11,2,8,1,116,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.13036208651408265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682984003737617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168810153251874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340745506917547,0.0,0.10993109362946543,0.118921157733704,0.12488623807270692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364974479375406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507376442004393,0.0,0.0,0.14982969070848007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27917572787964434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653649713480905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468323440475057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217981790435153,0.14945019254958694,0.0,0.11357127768002725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810681140111602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031985594402744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466219649065468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964852327851838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855795448060204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210098475737228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284214986917764,0.0,0.0,0.09455388869576466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055377956471189,0.3102106645757368,0.0,0.2567923427094305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207100865697887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605691186761813,0.0,0.0 bpd,potatoberry_crispe,2018/01/30,"Haven’t had sex or dated in over a year 28f Not sure how much context is necessary but essentially I got dumped last January, he emotionally cheated on me, he started dating someone else immediately, and he continuously gaslighted me. I’m very over him as a person but for the last year I feel like I don’t have the capacity to let someone new into my life just so that it can go shitty again. I also feel betrayed by love, something that I always had so much faith in as being the only thing I needed to be complete. However, I’d like to be able to just get laid and have fun but every time I have the opportunity to meet with someone I ghost them. I think I’ve ghosted at least 7 people recently. Has anyone ever been through something similar? Did you ever get over it? I have tried forcing myself to meet up with at least one person this week but I already feel like I’m just going to stop talking to her lol. I haven’t had an FP this whole time either. You’d think that not wanting to fill the void with meaningless sex and someone to be completely emotionally dependent on is good but I feel so empty and wrong. I almost feel like it’s worse to not be able to make these intense connections than to be dead inside because of a breakup. ",5.520843373493979,5.700095140562251,6.617333333333335,77.18600000000005,67.47389558232932,9.210281124497994,31.459437751004014,9.029198982220553,2.5497167871485944,986,37,192,16,15,332,144,249,0.166,0.6940000000000001,0.14,-0.858,1,0,2,0,0,1,16.0,0,2,1,1,11,13,2,0,9,1,24,4,0,3,3,38,43,17,3,2,13,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,10,8,0,1,7,0,0,3,6,3,0,1,6,5,23,10,34,29,6,31,1,0,0,3,14,11,0,3,21,130,33,0,0.2194760294819816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098867701397152,0.0,0.12109862807528544,0.08775745074111761,0.09131081919357728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673137144283282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689527523468004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230116441205655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167203004160464,0.24688099250127124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852863390627326,0.09245901038105102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774341875572897,0.23519057897296786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466716686527804,0.0,0.12473328538169436,0.09204304027989843,0.08776751514679879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890225710325447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122145550506342,0.07751120515021538,0.2144498036848656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904284276189244,0.0,0.073250976969261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134013490487065,0.08136934744510882,0.0,0.10598565845770128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436131883063928,0.08346070519485503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607852211675728,0.19163800335856904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835305066398644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719226551068945,0.16896337012387908,0.0,0.0,0.07767313165213542,0.0,0.0,0.09174589406649508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342678019732462,0.0,0.0,0.08820325944668997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290506083753061,0.14063137763839925,0.0,0.0,0.1279782377704189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745049086166595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054535485594374,0.06472632430815886,0.0,0.08802521613021393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251857448787964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118324122019521,0.0,0.11998129215711467,0.0,0.1413353671821133 bpd,0n0n0m0s00,2018/01/30,"Have any borderlines had sex with another borderline... Have any borderlines had sex with another borderline; and if so, how was it? As a borderline I often get good feedback about my sex skills and think I am really good in bed. I'm wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone as wild, passionate, attentive, and unreserved as myself. I would really like have my way and face fuck a chick but I don't think the average lady is down for that.",5.255517241379311,6.421527367816093,6.340862068965517,75.4278448275862,68.42528735632183,12.236781609195404,30.59195402298851,11.855464076750405,4.194457471264368,359,14,68,14,6,120,56,87,0.027000000000000003,0.86,0.113,0.6542,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,3,0,13,7,1,1,0,17,19,11,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,7,5,11,13,0,3,0,0,0,6,1,2,1,3,2,47,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122618619240212,0.4814959965284916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225478130512648,0.11995272648067265,0.0,0.0,0.3851429816214434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243348235460239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941659666024434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945331769311901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942275044831018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822400241533731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489835242938753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32619217922629123,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ItsLowkeyAHoax,2018/01/30,"Living in a dull world. for the past month, I've found myself to be falling back into a low. its been getting worse as every day passes. I tried to quit smoking, where I went two days without a cigarette, but today I couldn't take it. I gave in and smoked about half of one to try to stabilize and bring myself back to reality. everything has been so hard lately. I don't want to see anybody but I want them to care about me. but everyone seems to have something more important to do and just brush me off. an example being that my friends told me to message them if I have troubles when quitting, and when I did so, I was told to ""just smoke since you're clearly not ready to quit."" anyway, people talking sounds like the way grownups talk in peanuts, everything is just white noise, I cant focus and my brain doesn't work, the world is becoming duller every day, and I've been so tired and dizzy lately. I'm not sure if this is the BPD since it seems like a different kind of low. this one seems more depressive but I'm not sure. I have the urge to isolate myself and I've been taking those steps, not consciously but still. I just hope I figure out whats happening soon. thanks for letting me rant.",3.645651974288338,4.9104705991735536,4.232672176308544,88.66244260789719,72.34710743801655,7.5265381083562914,25.427915518824612,7.984000788550335,1.277663177226814,943,29,199,13,18,299,141,242,0.17600000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.11,-0.8916,1,0,4,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,4,17,14,0,0,10,0,21,2,1,0,3,39,42,21,0,6,16,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,8,10,0,0,6,0,0,5,9,5,0,4,11,5,24,9,27,27,2,31,0,4,2,0,10,11,0,6,16,130,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878577020018284,0.0,0.0,0.12121299507473587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382294107449755,0.12252006877377848,0.0,0.0,0.11189997142199623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21234381654443812,0.0,0.09452965311035408,0.0,0.0,0.11466798550319733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494240166111434,0.1048732012056638,0.1972769103557674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033793311580003,0.08479449640393487,0.0,0.05734114269756045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705375858676199,0.0,0.09831666752070783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900898014719117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114290322269528,0.0,0.0,0.24761116346092504,0.0,0.0,0.11222935021079827,0.0,0.10723903913144688,0.0,0.09691345358022292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760338513141269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874224630512364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477116413529086,0.0760885528468997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35020582731359906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745851954920499,0.2997436165531024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157677679994255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449282372448523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764847499759454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688083343026545,0.0,0.16504041726819746,0.17642977757581949,0.0,0.10104534098196924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261443343988435,0.10403252121994992,0.2097464024113276,0.0,0.14902946374094891,0.0,0.10721222859934564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946971656859074,0.08711641274672617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174165165316308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057974774485149,0.0,0.07990111504391427,0.0,0.11184715697770173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,INeedSelfCare,2018/01/30,"How far into relationships does it take for your symptoms to show? I'm always on my ""best behavior""(aka suppressing all emotion and opinions) during the beginning. I forget how long into my last few relationships it took for the ""real me"" to come out and I was wondering if others also experienced this. ",6.602222222222222,8.575761259259263,7.81203703703704,63.09916666666669,66.03703703703704,10.585185185185184,32.01851851851852,10.686352973137794,4.112385185185186,244,10,36,7,4,83,43,54,0.034,0.889,0.076,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,15,7,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,1,8,5,3,10,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,3,3,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618232880609268,0.20412590615733192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257448222593011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21132147235743795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146811998871789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27595199973240514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999685561213456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710049510038715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792278865090547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5267637791872113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549814288156516,0.18445012218345685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725595651627433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660390935721205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dnesarumane,2018/01/30,"My girlfriend left again and I don’t know how to cope In December me [21F] and my girlfriend [20F] broke up for over a month and it absolutely destroyed me. I went off on her in ways I’m absolutely ashamed of. Last week we managed to work things out but she left me again yesterday... I thought things were going great, in that time we didn’t fight at all. When she broke up with me this time she just said she didn’t think it’d work out and that she still loved me and that “I mean everything to her” still... then she threatened suicide and started saying things about how she only came back out of “obligation” when I was finally starting to cope with not having her in my life. It set me off again and I said some things I’m not proud of and she came back saying that the reason she couldn’t be with me was because I treat her like shit... every time we’ve been together I’ve always done everything to meet her needs and for the most part when I’m with her my BPD doesn’t “act up”. I don’t know what to do anymore. She means the world to me and I’d do anything for her, I love her more than anyone and I’m attached to her more than I’ve ever been with anybody else. I don’t have any other friends or family, right now I’m just alone and scared and the thought of losing her forever again makes me want to jump off a bridge solely so I don’t have to deal with the pain. I don’t know how to fix myself which I assume is what she wants me to do. I’m so lost. 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When I’m single I find that I am better able to manage my emotions and focus on my goals, which is mainly study (trying to get into medical school) but as soon as I have a love interest it’s like anything I’ve been working toward suddenly goes on the back burner and I spend the majority of my time thinking about that person and wanting to spend time with them. I just lose any drive I did have about working toward my own personal goals. I also spend a lot of this time over analysing things they have said to me, for example panicking because they only sent one “x” at the end of their message or they had to leave early the last time we hung out. Only to have them be affectionate the next day and feel okay again. Does anyone have any tips of how to stay focused and keep my emotions more steady? Like any checks I can keep in place? A little bit of background I’m 23 and I’ve only been lurking on these forums lately as I’ve just finished DBT and I’m looking for some ongoing support, I’ve made a specific account for posting here as I’d rather people not know about my diagnosis. I was diagnosed 3 years ago and just finished one year of DBT. 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I'm a man, late thirties and I've been diagnosed with BPD for about 8 years now. It's been a long journey with varying therapies. I'm learning more and more that emotional neglect and abuse has caused. I function quite well, considering depression and anxiety are frequent life partners. I'm doing the reading on CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect) and it has been a real eye-opener. Equally, I have been reading Brene Brown's work and it touched many nerves. I feel a constant failure and an alien in the world, That I'm faulty beyond repair. I understand so much of why but it's tough to manage and change where possible. Like many in my situation what lies behind me are so many messed up relationships. Friends, partners and even family. I have no confidence and ability to manage in that world. I understand that I often will do everything for everyone else as I don't count myself as worthy or deserving of their care. The truth is I'm just terrified. I have a phobia of intimacy on all levels.. This isn't what I want but it feels that it is what it's going to be. I'm trying to find a way to accept love and care. To stop doing everything by myself and not feel like a failure if I need help. It's a long road but it's worth walking. I just thought I'd share my thoughts.. Thank you all.",2.6612790697674416,4.9655661046511606,3.9851875968992254,84.87182790697679,77.87596899224806,7.383813953488373,26.599069767441854,8.364918446050245,1.9893412093023253,1037,42,201,21,25,340,144,258,0.158,0.647,0.194,0.9361,0,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,1,1,2,11,16,0,0,13,0,20,3,0,1,3,43,40,21,0,3,8,0,4,2,3,1,2,0,0,3,18,14,0,3,10,2,1,3,4,5,1,0,6,5,19,11,25,32,6,27,0,3,1,1,10,13,0,3,12,129,37,6,0.0,0.1378700450389461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901667780823648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465539747173971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237277804980483,0.11953591642571812,0.1230956586385457,0.0,0.0,0.12574607730549264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022249474490157,0.1181050685709817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720559215892104,0.2617833711981377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768560608109102,0.0,0.0,0.11118896040426056,0.20915748086306774,0.0,0.109695819355322,0.0,0.17650850193497114,0.08312909796983572,0.0,0.0,0.10635283914269107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899010595153564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613125542192398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799505388977082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312615021435181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821899830532695,0.11369727574534493,0.0,0.0,0.3089303550143299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050213263020715,0.0,0.0,0.3539186764059071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553952249835897,0.08628101284979839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118076899964234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376540246969572,0.23278715181355905,0.13244552953730146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492933379212814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307958608013955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728391480842996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713057566962512,0.13307018716762625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18475699809519197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900221864337277,0.0,0.0,0.2422740719131413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863337355777419,0.09236280819216408,0.0,0.0,0.10462349044434884,0.0,0.10499868425809876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471298496411545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493336873690214 bpd,sandra_368,2018/01/30,"Exhausted and ashamed I’ve been keeping my diagnosis a secret from friends and family for a couple of months now and I just constantly feel tired and ashamed. Keeping the facade up of being “normal” and fine takes so much out of me, and I’m constantly feeling ashamed of my diagnosis and feeling like I’m lying to everyone. I’ve kept my depression a secret for most of my life just because my family has always viewed mental illnesses as some sort of fatal flaw and bashed people for being weak and not just “dealing with it” when it comes to mental health. I hate the stigma around mental health or the idea that just because I’m not as “in control” of my emotions as someone else means I’m unstable. But most of all, I hate that I buy into all that crap everyone’s telling me and feeling like things will never get better so I’ll just have to keep pretending forever. I stopped seeing my therapist because I’ve moved to a different country but haven’t sought out another therapist because I think a part of me just doesn’t want to be better. I’m so disgusted at myself for intentionally not seeking help so I can feel sad and anxious for as long as possible - anything to keep me from feeling empty again. 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I don't know what to make of it. I've made peace with the Major Depressive Disorder. The Anxiety and Panic attacks too. I'm trying so hard, but all these diagnoses don't answer the questions I have. I don't even know what questions to ask. What does this mean? That I can't control my impulses? I have no idea what to make of it. I'm so tired, I never sleep anymore. Please help. 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Does anyone have a core experience they feel made them develop BPD? When did you develop the symptoms? When were you diagnosed? What symptoms do you personally have? I believe mild neglect as a child caused me to become a self harmer. I believe those experiences led me to feel the need to soothe myself all the time yet I never learned how to do so in an good way. I think my father's death when I was 12 impacted the way I cope with grief and made me hypersensitive to the prospect of abandonment or rejection.",3.671666666666667,5.5796517222222235,4.714074074074077,82.63833333333334,73.44444444444444,8.503703703703705,27.740740740740733,9.150863307647796,2.3001962962962965,438,17,88,10,9,143,72,108,0.155,0.777,0.068,-0.9021,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,4,2,0,6,5,0,0,10,0,10,3,0,5,2,20,17,8,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,2,19,1,9,12,1,11,0,4,0,0,12,1,0,1,6,60,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163078172429762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837079160210944,0.0,0.3748132838764573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949764474614568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087556309578086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883017840979475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556403049426295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254221389107055,0.0,0.0,0.1682115889582778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951692646778913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147872119481026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233379648228604,0.12829058338478114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524045023777066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173527437733039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457789922834215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316611786589806,0.0,0.0,0.09699337578482946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39609551666635373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500947149057751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nepenthe7,2018/01/30,"How am I supposed to not hate myself? I'm 24, cant keep a job for more than 3 months, I fucked up my life and wasted so many opportunities. I'm so ashamed of what I am, I've almost completely isolated myself,but I just can't change. I havent make any progress in my life for 7 years or so. Now I just had an appointment with a physiotherapist and he seemed like he really wanted to open my eyes or something. I was crying while he was nonstop talking, I feel like a child right now. He was telling me the most basic stuff like 'let the past be the past, life is good' and was constantly asking me if I had friends, why I don't keep a job, what kind of anxieties do I have,wether I don't have any life goals. As if i did not try... As if I could turn a switch on and suddenly be an energetic, optimistic, structured and completely different person. I was so perplexed because I was not expecting this, I kept saying things I did not want to say and didn't come up with better things to say until I already left. He was telling me he was also growing up in a childrens home and it doesn't matter, some people have way worse experiences. Sure he is right to some degree, overthinking everything is bad, but is it really just a matter of willingness? Of course not... Isn't it? This conversation is the exact reason I'm hiding myself at home. I'm going to get in a mental hospital soon which is why I dont currently work. He said it's no use and I should have worked harder to not overthink, seeing a psychologist is bad because you should live in presence and not talk about the past over and over. I should rather do sports and I cant blame my psyche for my pain, everyone has mental pressure. Yes, there are so many things I want to do... In the end he talked about my lip piercing 'why do beautiful girls have to spoil their looks with those things, if you were my daughter I would not allow that' as if I was fucking twelve. Sorry for this rant, he was really hitting some nerves. Yes, I don't function like most other people and I lost my spirit. Does this mean I cant get handled with respect? Do I have to earn it by having a university degree and work full time? Cant we just accept that everyone has made different life experiences and let everyone go at their own pace? ",4.235485273492284,4.9833020913043535,5.280575035063116,83.63284011220199,70.47826086956522,8.631136044880785,26.57784011220196,8.841846274778883,1.781075736325386,1782,54,373,31,31,588,217,460,0.127,0.767,0.106,-0.7385,5,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,1,2,2,9,18,22,3,2,18,2,60,10,2,6,2,74,91,34,0,15,21,1,1,4,1,4,6,4,2,4,21,21,0,3,5,1,0,4,22,9,0,0,20,8,48,12,43,61,8,38,1,1,3,2,33,18,2,14,19,246,69,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780672341271276,0.0,0.08574542184043417,0.06213777771916775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567922654658424,0.0,0.05944135469820741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264031565365925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975483891049605,0.09473209870823007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687205697733106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219777335103191,0.0669328718674377,0.16293686920492267,0.08396760435303956,0.0,0.062038241497516314,0.0,0.08535133412008966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623628403019841,0.0,0.0,0.06799701461520961,0.0,0.09106545655856876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882037320713176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274103898212624,0.0698330038475935,0.1520137485922123,0.0,0.0,0.039288160110730254,0.05550989230143829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003190523363368,0.14366737571428428,0.08119154403630552,0.0,0.08831898711476327,0.06517224382896761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671404125277248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588166966684552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542132905533218,0.1381291405466171,0.0,0.0809140461536767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844227933045826,0.15890988217424648,0.27441396688795583,0.15184390750591711,0.0,0.06861175557287844,0.0,0.06524960242455226,0.0,0.08482025167884721,0.0,0.0,0.07352293893909398,0.051866284699348016,0.15755403816112815,0.0,0.08463959838609805,0.0,0.0,0.1566094617240144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202051238446224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267976291564899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22252432162432395,0.10773672791474816,0.06784586126121693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933251039045534,0.07988997547958311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327131340029694,0.07391182033569307,0.18537380465660755,0.0,0.0,0.061917951991140474,0.07073643198721978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059818330220250425,0.0,0.08698035049012443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894950768031709,0.0,0.0,0.07323264547723954,0.0,0.0,0.18736031470783945,0.13582888857517447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064854175533762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530830843598758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275414693011096,0.08451680552893087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671090576888121,0.0,0.0,0.13749088829974548,0.06167575085760986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034027063813585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970262351208462,0.0,0.07918435998901881,0.05519684183297227,0.0,0.0,0.050037151009129616 bpd,throwawaybpd2018,2018/01/30,"Obsession and Accused Manipulation Long story short, met a girl, fell for her when I met her, we kissed, she didn’t want anything further, we remained close friends for over a year and I still had feelings, always holding out hope that something would happen. Now for someone with bpd this is probably the worst course of action as I always had such intense feelings for her, which in the end destroyed our friendship as they made me unstable around her and it still upsets me to this day. I still somewhat obsess over her even though we don’t really talk anymore. Also everyone accuses me of being manipulative and trying to ruin other people’s lives because I’m unhappy with my own which is completely untrue which caused me to end up hospitalised last night after self harming",9.675674044265593,8.910145802816906,8.858048289738433,67.68584507042256,59.28169014084507,11.21287726358149,39.29979879275653,10.290406445055957,4.179024949698189,632,27,100,11,7,199,103,142,0.207,0.706,0.087,-0.9602,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,4,0,1,0,10,10,1,3,4,0,8,1,0,4,0,23,17,9,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,8,12,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,6,2,20,3,20,9,3,24,0,1,0,1,17,9,0,2,13,76,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365354125849224,0.2781305572887949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574772919039535,0.0,0.0,0.13753348271284932,0.14878084490352522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018806990525696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049397586649252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168821491067554,0.0,0.0,0.17523228517466008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778481452008597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960545718720439,0.0,0.0,0.11038757454870307,0.0,0.0,0.15969956729652934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901157141672124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912397284678462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779222024902436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599747848645066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362329921793413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757856558247245,0.14790450371204664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814214015430705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568398789503513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586667352739055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019405775581052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706754984012576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17435270136145345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160843184682126,0.1286645895551579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4004099246632105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433250255146986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642040577912552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347007910624365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857741289626808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872412641796096,0.0,0.0,0.10762603157584703 bpd,nanotech23,2018/01/30,"What dose of seroquel are ya'll comfortable at? apparently seroquel is a drug that acts differently at different dose levels, at the dose I'm at (100mg) it's basically a sleeping pill. I'm wondering if anybody has been on a larger dose than that and whether or not that has helped their BPD/emotion levels.",5.878103448275862,7.198749051724143,6.54431034482759,73.96922413793105,67.10344827586206,9.937931034482759,35.1896551724138,10.125756701596842,3.753882758620689,247,12,44,6,4,81,43,58,0.0,0.937,0.063,0.5106,3,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,5,7,1,0,0,6,8,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,0,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765132580170499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6246719360138776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466835891115815,0.0,0.0,0.3362751169818568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037786014251996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29916287739746444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241952491718304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Trahgity,2018/01/30,"I feel like I go from one bad habit to another Hey all, just wondering if anyone else experiences going from one bad habit to another. I've went from excessively drinking, to smoking weed every night, to binge eating and purging, and now cutting. I just can't handle these emotions and I need something to take it away. On an SNRI and Lamictal already, was wondering if anyone can offer advice on how not to give into the impulses.",6.672962962962963,7.34403975308642,7.481086419753088,70.28088888888888,65.0493827160494,10.430617283950617,34.71851851851852,10.355215969177356,3.8454918518518513,344,15,57,8,5,115,58,81,0.104,0.866,0.03,-0.7184,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,1,1,16,12,7,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,3,1,0,3,2,3,0,2,2,1,4,1,13,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,4,3,38,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250214641431932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948041984085895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702122054690149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468664351411159,0.18087487487632026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585485521043025,0.0,0.2947887693716529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293126551807375,0.0,0.1806332905864253,0.14746737112199804,0.1985714231899806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487333398338307,0.0,0.0,0.172679285995573,0.0,0.0,0.08925839272867205,0.12611238992621726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693427520526732,0.20065105657963936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624317791556277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089405516815614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566055677159178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392413083061939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590068855665896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272787769268618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636441996499371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828764530499236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the-local-dreamer,2018/01/30,"Anyone else here get ""triggered"" when your SO hangs out with other people? Hi there, I'm new to this community, I've been realizing I have some tendencies that may be BPD (not looking for diagnosis, don't worry!). So my SO and I have been together for 2+ years (LDR up until about a few months ago), and since about six months into our relationship, I've gotten super worked up when they hang out with friends. I'll actually go into an anxiety attack if I find out they have plans after work, I will cry and spam them with texts/calls. I just feel like I'm so alone, and that they clearly think their friends are way better than me because they would rather hang out with them and cause me extreme anxiety and hurt than not go out with them. I know there's logic in my mind somewhere, but the emotions take over and I get angry and sad and clingy all at once and it's caused so many fights. I hate that I'm like this and hate I'm already obsessing about the weekend and whether they'll be going out. Sorry for the rant, it's just been tough and I'd like to know if any of you have similar feelings/behaviors and how you deal with them. We've tried a few different things (SO not telling me if they're out (with my permission), cutting off texting for the night before they go out). I love my SO so so much and I want to be better for myself and for them!",6.537694687983496,5.2680035559566765,6.652782362042293,82.6059296028881,65.78700361010831,9.935946364105213,30.616039195461568,8.841846274778883,2.0770703455389383,1063,30,232,14,14,341,153,277,0.16,0.738,0.101,-0.9476,1,1,0,0,1,0,34.0,1,3,12,6,21,18,5,1,7,0,16,1,0,4,2,62,37,34,0,6,11,0,1,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,9,33,0,0,7,1,0,7,4,9,0,1,4,2,34,9,40,26,5,35,0,2,1,1,24,16,0,5,14,153,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.12147441006251206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034390622310612,0.0,0.0,0.12892361835555444,0.13736664706311938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465058952035223,0.0,0.19045354064447398,0.0,0.0,0.0870392289919581,0.12754435121366367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161383822037166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588178172951499,0.0,0.10592321266112598,0.0,0.0,0.22018468278326986,0.0,0.0,0.1567780559086783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557502602658743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673530713113774,0.0,0.12833329421234807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300549842849507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398696993046096,0.14002311464020611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629407694061288,0.0889284537951587,0.0,0.0,0.11377235856831515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19234569873832064,0.0,0.13007120304218475,0.0,0.28297914621127584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457962280287224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325829006646275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682177731437084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824437503777109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453175125713446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234795506801896,0.0,0.0,0.12620306419230362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256891973217967,0.0,0.19871731114098412,0.0,0.09150703736633226,0.0,0.0,0.12022344737101638,0.0,0.11681593836388132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256701356794656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629867788592359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364480980925025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029710461450902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934503849591004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359338083775187,0.0,0.10880090503609377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269890353306307,0.07976168320438967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451366996537714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734214605751297,0.09880633762787117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124567577925327,0.1264153643055312,0.0,0.08842693788571758,0.0,0.0,0.08016096387636959 bpd,biblicalunicorn,2018/01/30,"Handling Abandonment Threats...? Hey guys. This is my first post. I have been working on managing my BPD very closely for the past year, and I have made a lot of progress with DBT and other areas of life-managing that I also pursue. I am comorbid with bipolar disorder for which I take lithium and seroquel. I am a recovering alcoholic with two years of sobriety, and work very hard at the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, attending meetings and working with a sponsor and doing the steps. I am also very invested in the Christian faith, which also gives me an added degree of stability. Living in my skin is not exactly easy, but I work hard to be able to actually say that for the first time in my life, I am stable. I am about to finish my second master's degree in teaching, I have custody of my two young children, my own apartment. The presentation of BPD symptoms in my life is actually very rare. But there is just one problem that I am facing, and for me, it is a big one. My partner of two and a half years has this terrible, terrible habit of threatening to leave me when we argue. He will threaten it, and then cut off contact with me for a period of time. This never fails to absolutely throw me into what I can only describe as a living hell. I go from being a stable person who has a manageable life to feeling like I am falling apart in pieces. It is like there is this demon inside me that I have learned how to keep trapped in a cage but whenever he threatens and then acts out intent to leave me, it's like this demon gets out and jumps on me and starts clawing me to pieces. I am suddenly battling these impulses to drink, to cut myself, sometimes even to kill myself. It just explodes out of nowhere and I come unglued. I scream and yell and sob and beg him to stop. And like this most recent time, I flat out told him that if he breaks up with me then I will find someone else. All this feels so foolish as I am writing it. I realize that my partner didn't cause my BPD. He is not responsible for my management of it. He does not make me do or not do anything that I don't choose. But this abandonment thing is like a weird achilles heel. I am happy, functional, stable, going about living my daily life....but as soon as he threatens and acts like he is going to leave me in response to an argument, it's like suddenly none of the hard work I've done in the past year, past several years, matters. I feel like my emotions get so out of control it feels like I am fighting for my life. Again.... I am my own singular, separate person who is responsible for herself. I understand this. But I have asked him in the past, no matter how upset he becomes at me, to please just not threaten to nuke our relationship....because this is what it does to me inside and it is just horrible. Yet...if we argue to a heated enough point, he always drops this bomb. A day later he will take it back. I forgive. I try to push away the haunting remnants of how this one element of my existence is enough to make me feel like I am completely coming undone. I try to hope he will never again do this to me in a fight. Recently, as I was saying, we argued and he began to threaten and act like he was leaving me and I fell to pieces. As I was sobbing and screaming and begging him on the phone not to, I told him that if he broke up with me, I would find someone else. This was the worst thing I said. It has been three days since, and I have as I tend to do just let it go and hope that he won't ever threaten abandonment again in an argument. He, however, is very wound up still about the fact that I told him I would date other people if he left me. He hasn't let that go, claims that he is devastated that I would say that. I finally just wrote him a letter and reminded him of what happens inside of me every time that we fight and he threatens and acts like he is abandoning me, that it is like hell on earth, and how could he still be holding on to me saying I would find someone else if he did indeed leave me? I'm really screwed up right now, I've let my phone die and I'm afraid to turn it on because I am sure that he is again going to get angry at me and start threatening to leave me again. I'm just so tired of my emotions telling me that I am going to lose my whole life and I am going to destroy myself if this man leaves me. As I write it, I feel really foolish and insane for even admitting that I have this experience. I just want to kill this demon that tells me to self-destruct and makes me feel like I am going to self-destruct every time my partner does this to me. ",4.9481131207847895,4.962951303648068,5.903933169834456,82.37704935622317,68.68884120171674,9.017657878602083,30.162170447578173,8.790609847205072,2.1891449417535247,3573,126,745,55,56,1185,337,932,0.224,0.695,0.081,-0.9994,1,1,3,0,4,2,105.0,5,0,0,12,38,54,16,2,31,0,79,16,3,11,7,137,128,68,3,14,25,0,11,14,3,9,11,8,0,8,67,55,3,8,16,1,1,22,14,34,0,11,16,19,123,20,117,96,13,116,7,9,0,1,77,41,5,10,64,533,190,12,0.046062910028187236,0.0,0.08990151106571187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845448438933126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050947752241096,0.03832803116623838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03790585013890357,0.0,0.043062602840572534,0.0,0.04327762026975729,0.035419534517925864,0.0,0.056159044825418857,0.050872865147089684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404386801567853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731929721148489,0.0,0.07935823660097775,0.0482960847810168,0.0,0.05166347040535246,0.03677748548440527,0.0,0.0,0.05941353255742405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04780602821365365,0.0,0.05279208559567525,0.0,0.12092988893441875,0.047138349659606976,0.0,0.045124115494625035,0.0,0.0,0.11543895199510296,0.10362914776703888,0.0,0.09519059890223767,0.0,0.06084823528793335,0.04166653927186318,0.07761997675153368,0.0,0.0,0.045058364787015616,0.0,0.0,0.1630355394208673,0.1645367606397079,0.0,0.050459666398624654,0.12630199579736087,0.07836217547745514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219790793968321,0.044187740596877995,0.23560751960277276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045609522928303566,0.040733279212829474,0.04903482426133686,0.1237899591229894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915017262535358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040942830895923814,0.10192357031657008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34141779532485805,0.050047486523881184,0.14130733908437454,0.22774916916498145,0.3150561555724037,0.0,0.1220231803995664,0.0,0.0,0.05153261388547211,0.0,0.039161038880714094,0.0,0.043585839223240996,0.09224205038451984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105311180413178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364025985774334,0.03503291875065823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588903899526434,0.03193422195228245,0.08044071261469506,0.0,0.0505632427786774,0.04354433882493604,0.0,0.044115534842613685,0.0,0.0,0.04407598396509257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059018159344556814,0.0,0.0909631331639262,0.04945432680742506,0.0,0.03933747348060747,0.04381637573706451,0.1465242995369838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961073222135864,0.0520379770457874,0.0,0.038103715176294635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708686256127032,0.0,0.045557395843436786,0.0,0.06520712960489543,0.0,0.0735717989007938,0.038510655344140984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04341374756941815,0.04787700069253192,0.06926715148262508,0.0,0.08052202733915939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120430127854834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429826632772954,0.052942538949598966,0.0,0.1320452535437268,0.0,0.06254738452062711,0.050103218813076764,0.13499030968479714,0.04795311383511538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900336243572346,0.02716909778347127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142759404511897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767173553565484,0.0,0.0,0.13088707869828464,0.0,0.0,0.14831501913162165 bpd,GreenAppl3,2018/01/30,"My ex gf has BPD - Worrying about someone you lost Lurked for a while, first time posting. I recently broke up with my almost 6 year gf, and it ended up awfully. Even though I cannot, and will not, contact her, I still worry every day for her mental health. My friends are taking care of her to an extent, but I just know and feel her. She is dating someone else, which is great and I'm very excited about. Nonetheless, she can get obsessed pretty quickly. And I know more about the guy than she ever will, with a history of abuse, even hitting a partner before, and borderline abusing sexually another partner (she had to make him stop forcefully). I know that she probably think the world is stable for the first time in weeks, craving love and attention, but we <all> know how tragic that's gonna end up. Knowing stuff like that just worries me, not as an ex, but because I wanted her to get better, and I know that guy will destroy her. What's the best way to deal with a person with BPD (her, in this case), who will never have your direct support again? Should I talk to our friends, even though they will not do anything/think I'm trying to ruin her possibilities of happiness? My current s/o, who's been very supportive, knows about the story and is worried sick about it as well. Thanks",6.020610889774238,6.25496997211156,6.214884462151396,80.30883399734398,66.41035856573707,9.083771580345283,31.47436918990704,8.841846274778883,2.450661938911023,1017,37,195,15,15,325,150,251,0.152,0.6459999999999999,0.202,0.9589,1,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,2,2,1,5,18,20,1,1,11,1,18,3,0,2,2,40,42,18,0,2,8,2,1,1,6,7,2,0,0,5,12,14,0,1,10,0,0,0,5,6,1,2,3,1,33,14,29,31,3,27,0,4,0,1,36,6,0,1,20,137,45,0,0.0,0.2257083408410844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537784491615882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987659878870926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058062742028406375,0.0,0.0810496542303883,0.0,0.099957666249696,0.08423976179567498,0.0,0.0,0.23992488337684806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711242871036746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142755142296541,0.09819725875794576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795680922584288,0.0,0.16872420775270708,0.0,0.0,0.1887326644918963,0.08615792980380738,0.08025116346593038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048160620030301804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203704296169907,0.0,0.0,0.1471778657745029,0.0,0.09952706084951217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050120616019043,0.0,0.1886224363008492,0.0,0.10139404472939267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124494645930268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664234790817825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653371850894776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397524089869124,0.0,0.0859656980088555,0.0,0.06357926720794785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598831757433704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346169283725971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316751753253095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737863222138964,0.09122195461032744,0.09690220142578793,0.10269424128243164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404663044771132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140788046863666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606575919199178,0.07963220362963322,0.0,0.0,0.10903700833025697,0.0,0.2161742611800784,0.0,0.0,0.07161519146347428,0.07655732159485527,0.0,0.08769223394723194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206308102137264,0.18716278816720036,0.0,0.11108060141535384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466763569897707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718035578529654,0.05618016904134458,0.0756040087844597,0.07640278626903196,0.0,0.08564004760615815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869188371070678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133705957106812 bpd,Enkountor,2018/01/30,"Seeing things, mental breakdowns, voices My girlfriend has been diagnosed with BPD after an attempted suicide a few years back. She has been through a very tough time in the last year and it is taking a toll on her. Lately she is starting to show signs of paranoia or schizophrenia. After doing research it appears that BPD could almost be a diagnosis that falls under something more major such as schizophrenia. She has been having fits of anger or depression and lashing out during these times. All the usual things you would expect from someone with BPD, either ""I don't deserve you"" or ""Fuck you I hate you"". I understand these and try to react accordingly. But lately she has been having terrible episodes and has gotten the idea in her head that she is being followed by a demon. She is seeing shadows and figures, and hearing voices telling her things. It is extremely terrifying to her and as much as i try to reassure her it is okay it doesn't work. The odd part is after her episodes she tends to forget anything that happened as she lashed out. She will be at the verge of breaking up with me and then be totally fine and forget things that she has done or said. I am looking for some insight on this, more so on the paranoia side and the forgetfulness she appears to be having after episodes. I'm starting to believe she was either misdiagnosed or she has developed into something more severe after the trauma she has faced over the last year.",5.6602222222222185,7.399791059259263,5.583148148148148,79.0791666666667,68.03703703703704,7.474074074074074,30.537037037037038,7.908726449838941,2.2335703703703707,1166,46,195,14,20,364,145,270,0.14300000000000002,0.828,0.029,-0.9863,1,0,2,0,0,1,23.0,0,4,0,2,3,10,3,0,15,1,36,4,2,1,2,42,54,22,1,3,8,0,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,17,16,0,0,4,1,0,4,2,7,0,0,8,7,31,3,38,38,12,39,1,1,3,1,29,15,1,9,19,168,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053685697734005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905728575318144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092559933074445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561992142352558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548193248388319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610859209231264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367767798277816,0.12217675581318616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318407198504623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128353154602198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644605156891716,0.0,0.0,0.11884409229766335,0.1235381279964528,0.0,0.13566989080430653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588723774496622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624123768457669,0.2715735182088692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108357800338244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130836167585872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848850840281662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035296986817893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450293915451835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184448325622375,0.0,0.0,0.13598800035753955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199223215918722,0.1853390863443952,0.0,0.0,0.17040222674725372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166927328685907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905060299740024,0.0,0.10521190584477044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31988370865481064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038172677867894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345166033395528,0.0,0.0,0.12531325065955268,0.0,0.0,0.1325746070933333,0.09932089617664393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763347588208266,0.0,0.0,0.08551001170336868,0.0,0.0,0.23255011842931184 bpd,TransientFeelings,2018/01/30,"DAE purposely force yourself to stay upset/distressed/angry/etc? I got SUPER upset today when my friend told me she dropped the only class we had together, and even cried in the middle of the day. I even considered ditching the rest of my classes (which I've *never* done before). Anyway, later when I felt my mood starting to recover a little, I thought to myself that it's not okay and I don't deserve to feel good after that happened. I found myself altering my thoughts to remain upset for longer. In the moment it feels like an entirely logical thing to do. It's super weird and I don't know why I'd want this! Does anyone else do this?",2.772142857142857,5.040760261904765,4.144682539682542,84.04892857142859,77.33333333333333,6.422222222222223,23.99206349206349,7.492282038375204,1.3179015873015878,507,17,92,7,12,167,87,126,0.087,0.764,0.149,0.8726,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,2,5,10,0,2,7,1,6,0,0,0,1,15,18,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,8,3,16,6,12,10,1,15,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,10,61,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698186506791232,0.20072860606036316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670137583188768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151932824817144,0.1263430107559054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143845406582725,0.20047961337101705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365412755611092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21848671195991912,0.2587878186852769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981116809492308,0.13995511678523725,0.1881002553510292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480055824669372,0.15135630712790632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643164599691141,0.15668373562359572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323881991819876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766468439283136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957096605984892,0.1963490415941173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510946022311248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489951612032905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386631079219271,0.20880947809368985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301510844733816,0.0,0.0,0.31105458710360584,0.0,0.0,0.18569575739972768,0.18719635264482296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555029521827112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677448061532838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BandPandD,2018/01/30,"Extreme jealous of another I’m so extremely jealous of one girl, she’s beautiful and everyone likes her and friendly to her. I wish I could be like That and I try so hard to be and I obsess over her and it’s not healthy I realize. Once someone compared to her and said we were similar and it didn’t do anything, I was still trying to be like her even though someone said we acted alike. Does anyone else find themselves doing this or something maybe I’m just crazy",1.8594680851063816,4.258258989361707,3.2653617021276595,88.39400000000002,81.44680851063829,6.313191489361702,27.48510638297872,7.554174236665415,1.7379565957446803,371,17,73,6,10,121,62,94,0.141,0.688,0.171,0.6219,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,2,0,0,0,6,7,2,1,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,16,14,11,0,2,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,4,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,5,3,14,4,7,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,1,4,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20722777152863536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818448031636688,0.20249087789342324,0.16262910741490175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778803576165726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294357665215518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509090861595366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305299070774879,0.0,0.0,0.18883981974197572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062630408390398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268512100273235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703380423977705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896497949820107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854157238677586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046491437409207,0.1339162848914693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759745817683896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348952185229713,0.15214191440892744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782413456366334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416624101820898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683497475574745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272597950491127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Adustux,2018/01/30,I want to stop being so emotional and impulsive I constantly overreact about the littlest things and none of my friends/acquaintances understand why I’m like this. Even the smallest shit can make me cry myself to sleep or threaten to hurt my friend or myself or something and I’m just so sick of having emotions. Any advice?,4.2940000000000005,7.1118124000000025,4.436666666666671,81.06500000000003,75.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,2.9280000000000013,264,12,44,6,6,82,45,60,0.28600000000000003,0.594,0.12,-0.9224,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,2,0,3,3,2,1,0,11,8,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,6,7,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193898660860984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140844503862775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564946942769025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607215546987995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339812358449632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676967618742854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337864106520105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25409171406848663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595887763389134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843523153648822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436398449473389,0.0,0.0,0.237524804727452,0.0,0.0,0.18272623638859986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843806281310156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768704626046234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470932506928671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999717959491992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417451737145896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThatGirl0809,2018/01/30,Idk whats real My minds always telling me she doesnt love me. Shes always annoyed with me and my mind convinces me that she could never love someone that annoys her this much. She tells me how much she loves me all the time but my mind wont let me believe it. Ive upset her again by telling her this and she wont talk to me. Idk what to do. I love her so much but i cant believe someone as amazing as her could ever love me back. I feel like its just a matter of time before she realizes shes too good for me. I think she already knows to actually. Idk if any of these feelings are rational though because my mind likes to play tricks. Im so scared and sad. I cant breathe. ,0.3234693877551038,2.219552639455788,2.119074829931975,97.32473469387756,83.82993197278911,4.736326530612245,20.6843537414966,5.6839178017228535,-0.21045360544217664,526,16,125,3,15,173,82,147,0.21,0.649,0.141,-0.8627,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,17,3,2,2,0,13,6,1,1,3,25,22,12,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,2,34,11,11,17,4,6,0,1,0,5,23,0,0,1,8,86,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.10992992482447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124311821537287,0.0,0.1874672643352934,0.0,0.0,0.07660570598803987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662071906727586,0.0,0.06867025373310895,0.0,0.09585665655022924,0.2538354279946345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988334863820432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189816557151717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391821611892433,0.08047701763216933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448528178131536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216810815443368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190936711188389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519202127267887,0.0,0.1100699741528282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083540742636496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549766162510346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24843162605393726,0.0,0.08688244665280052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282200995341376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278207089041915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190895567778765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054361739364487,0.2953825905875262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218142351149959,0.11067782629478516,0.0,0.13137397266368905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,auntymedusa,2018/01/30,"Bpd support group? Hey guys, I was wondering if anyone knew of any online support groups for bpd? I would really appreciate some support from people who understand what it feels like",5.687083333333334,8.619699375000003,5.901250000000001,71.75208333333336,70.875,9.266666666666666,29.416666666666664,9.725611199111238,3.5109666666666666,148,6,22,4,3,47,28,32,0.0,0.642,0.358,0.9178,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,4,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373130230021781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118767182112898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086241907872193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020971899452708,0.14425221242655262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993327219241436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864827102472068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998641248397153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935559241739086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6874117668468916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102066047904297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897442222289046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434386957576287,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prof-moriarty,2018/01/31,"Flashback of early bpd FML I was 10 when I had to have a operation on my thumb , nothing serious ; I was to be in and out of hospital in a few hours . When I came-to from the general anesthetic , I was fine I was back to normal like any other day I pretend that I wasn't fine and needed to stay much longer than I needed ???? ",1.0439130434782626,2.5041208550724683,3.944275362318841,87.26684782608696,79.57971014492753,7.498550724637681,23.09420289855073,8.344100000000001,1.2998289855072462,245,8,56,5,6,88,46,69,0.023,0.843,0.134,0.7079,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,10,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,0,10,3,12,3,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,7,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020400312691905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22845364536741586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37419046338119893,0.0,0.0,0.3398063518193657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160666961941214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925863231213922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514937714371054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184046773401352,0.4405957906160112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910975754738137,0.28507806369002386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166719586871127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cthulhu_flavored_tea,2018/01/31,"Zybrexa and weight loss Hello everyone! I have bpd (obviously) and I’m on zybrexa 2,5 the last 8 months . I’ve gained 5 kilos since and I want to lose weight. Do you think it’s possible ? I’ve read that everybody who takes zybrexa gains weight and I’m a little bit terrified.",0.5905909090909098,3.0942764909090954,2.538522727272728,89.1077840909091,93.1818181818182,6.386363636363638,21.420454545454547,7.6454224807358475,1.304136363636364,217,8,44,5,8,72,41,55,0.166,0.718,0.116,-0.5738,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,7,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,7,1,4,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,16,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889959077468196,0.0,0.2525290989931127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915911734431838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343838167608685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095874065899874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22431387043327386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600412227524917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260393241778854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055931549454156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585985426777114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507548489339856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847554383192006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826307692318774,0.0,0.0,0.7324834254169397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChloroformQT,2018/01/31,"How do you forgive yourself when you've done something horrible that you never thought you would ever do? Since this is anonymous, I'm just gonna come out and say it. And I want to apologize in advance if this hurts anyone's feelings, because I did one of the biggest ""no-nos"" someone like me should never do. I'm not gonna describe the whole situation for the sake of keeping this concise, but I had a 4 hour rage episode this past Monday. I said a lot of shitty things to my boyfriend and best friend. Well, my best friend essentially told me that our mutual friend R had stolen money from me. I was angry because I don't have enough money to live as it is, and even the measly $10 that was stolen from me cut me deep and made me enraged. So.... *sigh*, here's some context. I'm white. My boyfriend, L, is black. My best friend T is white and R, who is black, is one of T's good friends (in spite of the sketchy behavior R does from time to time). I got so angry that I called R the N word in front of T and L. I'll spare you the rest of the story, but the magnitude of what I said absolutely cuts me to my core. I feel the kind of guilt you would feel killing someone in cold blood. I'm not looking for sympathy. Please don't pity me. I'm just trying to figure out how to reconcile the fact that I got so uncontrollably BPD angry that I let such a foul and malevolent racial slur come out of my mouth, ESPECIALLY since I'm white. I've told jokes with racial slurs from time to time, just not with the N word. I particularly like making jokes about my own race. Redneck, cracker, filthy pourtugee (I have some Portuguese in me, but I appear white), all funny to me. Some people think racist jokes just shouldn't be made by anyone, and while I disagree, I see where one may come to that understanding. But this wasn't a joke. Some stupid white people might say ""nigga"" as a joke even though it's inappropriate to do so, but what I said is different. I used the hard R, and there was anger (and dare I say hatred) in my voice as I said it. If I'm honest about why I chose the word, it was because I wanted to find the meanest word possible cuz I was so angry. I don't hate black people. But I crossed a line that my BF and best friend soon won't forget. They've forgiven me, they know about my BPD. But I can't forgive this. I just can't. What do you guys think?",3.1917265556529344,4.097871625766871,4.071945077417471,90.75338650306749,73.0286298568507,7.142763657610281,24.400876424189306,7.33818517376401,0.770348010517091,1831,51,418,19,35,589,217,489,0.168,0.657,0.17600000000000002,0.3376,2,0,1,0,0,0,72.0,1,6,1,5,26,37,9,2,21,0,38,2,2,7,5,82,77,35,1,8,17,0,4,2,7,9,0,8,0,1,24,20,0,1,13,5,2,7,13,13,2,3,21,23,57,23,46,45,14,32,0,2,10,0,30,12,0,10,15,254,81,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131022918964307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790578098271887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395020897598033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372374212984573,0.0,0.08258455752815283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090053703435911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449935141625202,0.0,0.0,0.07077609165422329,0.08276534904649885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835676598881873,0.0,0.10683711816039172,0.07315796355404608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268166933467972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392020045195871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749126620664541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783587086363997,0.12936960372920395,0.0,0.0,0.0800810404323521,0.0,0.0,0.07244999205707213,0.07984938817678053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964764802354013,0.0,0.08658060391429276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188727892518171,0.08947852368858925,0.08422104969010956,0.04444793679476467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270231016150048,0.0,0.07902492760594165,0.0,0.07141595742788685,0.0,0.06791639114945436,0.0,0.0,0.06875881475254936,0.0,0.15305572735768955,0.05398608954258393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579781786175199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475480456516913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441323991815796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720633948270515,0.16820998478912766,0.0,0.0,0.08877876437592258,0.0,0.09117677363446353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077305555258528,0.19295013851583773,0.0,0.0,0.06444857424941296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380473899945589,0.0909092444232138,0.0,0.0,0.13705380182125187,0.062263139730902826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373114878910214,0.10364555477354953,0.0794613360986571,0.06420738009530289,0.1886403400919892,0.0,0.0,0.15456306211253004,0.0,0.05491023921263055,0.0,0.0,0.0841959091289686,0.0,0.06985184341827712,0.0,0.0,0.09540681324506964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271822217415005,0.0,0.07297899943354713,0.09029638929878067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490553691809513,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Borderline-Crazy,2018/01/31,"DAE struggle with thoughts of promiscuity? I’m sure a lot of you know that a major symptom of BPD is promiscuity. I struggled with that a lot. My whole first year at university, I slept with about 30 people. I probably only spent 1 night each week sleeping alone in my own bed because I was just so terrified of being alone and I was so desperate to have someone want me and love me. It worked fine at the time. I didn’t care about me and it was fine. Most of the guys I slept with didn’t care about me and it was fine. I’d go home with someone and it was fine. I’d leave the next day in last night’s clothes and smeared make up, but it was fine. It was easy to forget about the names and the faces and the sex because I was either super numb or super drunk. It didn’t matter to me. I didn’t care about these people. It was like “hey you stopped me from self harming or worse so thanks have a nice life” and that was that. And then I met my SO. He’s the definition of amazing. We met when I was 19 while I was still in the promiscuous phase. But I met him and it was like everything else was ancient history. I never even thought about sleeping with another guy. I didn’t want anybody else. I wanted him and only him. It’s been 2 and a half years and we’re still going strong and I’ve never once even been tempted to get with another guy. But I’ve recently come out of a mental health ward. I tried to kill myself by overdosing on my medication and so my doctors completely cut me off, which, in their defence, was probably a good idea. But since I’ve been off my meds, I’ve really been struggling with the memories of the people I’ve previously slept with. The memories all kinda blur together but I feel like pure shit when I think of how I was back then. I feel so vulnerable and contaminated when I think about it, and the anxiety of it makes me wanna slice myself open or rip all my skin off. Have any of you experienced the same? ",2.4815060606060584,4.0428806900000005,3.857772727272728,88.9934696969697,75.85,7.448484848484849,23.87121212121212,8.199878495009871,1.1865916666666672,1516,47,336,26,33,499,185,400,0.14,0.693,0.16699999999999998,0.9122,0,2,0,0,0,1,35.0,1,3,1,5,23,29,4,3,20,0,30,17,8,3,6,74,59,39,1,4,10,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,2,4,18,32,1,2,8,1,1,3,7,9,0,2,34,4,47,20,47,24,11,40,0,0,0,2,19,13,1,8,27,221,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712536297877344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061432778929139537,0.1894540494170102,0.06910814398918542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946416610237703,0.0,0.11013812775911586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377725428908553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763161204581345,0.0,0.0,0.07781798665440036,0.0947174292656258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826038583608651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246453179383116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093122378582366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193344853512501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118975937879105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135497802119903,0.06453731832776788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684125790465524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719775436186773,0.0,0.1026820688979038,0.07577103236455042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683457746971584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602482124116776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061614533606746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198034225367908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994535380799988,0.0,0.04964727384695199,0.07363733679287356,0.0,0.09565465081644813,0.0,0.0,0.06380823597517478,0.13240340849914967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536038768761813,0.0815333611489513,0.0,0.12060232104012672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034489321854488,0.09100579557833703,0.09103922080714627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393481091050206,0.0,0.0960752393683566,0.16955174813479434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620677285251372,0.0,0.13741188416325398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788649779580088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479878268505474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057872686351821113,0.0,0.08919764583712582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424199223341707,0.0,0.09273041896536294,0.0747283338459523,0.0,0.18080601440050464,0.0,0.1530857925353024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428771379558752,0.07552641772248382,0.0,0.28332194344967826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514227567735201,0.09389552894622316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317087798951471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576958599049683,0.0,0.14343619130426338,0.05267667803329997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061333413422064866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985066548468768,0.0,0.0724635070725235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085888997744387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576696981733575,0.0,0.09206190167764858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634911937334523 bpd,LesTransGirl,2018/01/31,"How did you end up getting help ? I've talked to so many psychologists so far... never had the courage to talk about this specific problem... part of it is I don't want them to confirm it and part of it is that they will discard it and I will be left untreated I'm not good with talking about my problems with people and I need help badly what do I do how so I do it ? Please help",0.6699074074074076,2.5460861604938287,2.489614197530866,95.24701388888893,82.45679012345678,5.531481481481482,22.47067901234568,6.6274283507984215,0.35024567901234605,293,10,69,3,8,97,53,81,0.16399999999999998,0.715,0.121,-0.4122,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,2,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,2,1,13,15,8,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,9,2,10,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635745501916955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351586554928197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235356466566124,0.0,0.0,0.16431788685214938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939379326566636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128540339100451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861942058953955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526290294257735,0.15109591429885488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242973870440812,0.0,0.13581756916161114,0.0,0.0,0.21504756663211952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749139721950961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723889985058621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555129862813035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,VistaVilla_Mac,2018/01/31,"Bell Let's Talk Today Bell is donating 5 cents for each interaction listed on [this site] (https://letstalk.bell.ca/en/) to mental health initiatives in Canada. It would be really cool if people could join in, in support (Canadian or not).",8.378461538461536,11.020975564102569,7.936410256410259,61.3169230769231,62.589743589743605,11.353846153846154,28.384615384615394,11.20814326018867,4.00706153846154,193,6,27,6,3,61,36,39,0.0,0.8190000000000001,0.181,0.7574,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,2,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,1,17,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812921511668826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744907645175273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602624890669992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35504723633405405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442485088494483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22569983756746634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997990377271851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28317472521945586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33395020971090394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25027205804078995,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ishaspeshulsnowflake,2018/01/31,"He’s perfect, so why am I so unhappy? I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We have lived together for a while now and he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man - He’s caring, extremely supportive, copes with my BPD, and encourages me to do things my anxiety causes me to back out of (eg: job opportunities, following my dreams etc) He’s basically the supportive, loving, funny, handsome man that all women dream of having to themselves, but for some reason, I just feel deflated and unhappy. I don’t know why, and I don’t know if it’s just a phase. We spend quality time together, he always puts me first, and he knows exactly how to make me laugh when I’m feeling down. My sex drive is shot, I have had absolutely no sex drive for the past 8 months or so. Until that point, I would have considered myself to have a high sex drive, always up for it, always going for it, but now I don’t initiate, sex is like a chore to me. If my boyfriend initiates, I kinda feel uncomfortable and don’t want to. I chalked this up to my use of Sertraline 100mg for over a year, but I’ve been off them cold turkey for about 4 months now and I’ve seen next to no improvement (My ability to orgasm and sexual stimulation are back, but the drive? Nope) My boyfriend asked me a question “Maybe your lack of sex drive is because you no longer find me sexually attractive?” I don’t think that’s the case - He’s very attractive in my eyes, I think he’s hot and he is great in bed, so I doubt that is the issue. I don’t know what’s wrong. Aside from my own self-inflicted anxiety about his ex, his feelings for me and all other BPD-caused anxieties, I generally *should* be happy, so why do I feel so low? And why do I feel as though it’s related to my relationship?",2.4618291550603537,4.083257880222842,4.39399164345404,84.87379155060354,76.04735376044569,8.686388115134633,24.501485608170853,9.2995712137729,1.9419269452181995,1365,45,296,35,30,466,177,359,0.108,0.7340000000000001,0.159,0.9422,1,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,2,2,1,3,19,17,0,1,14,0,27,8,2,6,5,60,52,31,0,7,9,1,7,1,0,2,0,0,2,3,12,17,0,0,15,2,1,8,10,3,0,2,4,10,44,14,40,45,6,37,0,1,2,7,25,12,0,7,18,186,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25867818417093114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378233788747297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687736424688824,0.0,0.0,0.15936571041244169,0.0,0.06317012770281832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26102944836095376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565475051390932,0.21290718579345572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557162623823332,0.0,0.09373665862446266,0.0,0.0,0.09313336938751128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31438189909177905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471330609275667,0.08814517140328837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889367775759478,0.0,0.0,0.11424926054100427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031299125913513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948773692115996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815978528568017,0.10283392208726434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278030101160257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062697416630965,0.0,0.09150464141626252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352751750209352,0.0,0.06917190419310118,0.0,0.10410736582901504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542834967005046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020861282936782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989238072815991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796111927676412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417387295703738,0.1160860854037552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654593368112196,0.0,0.11125674055153956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810568157420368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23518964499001904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884525083620542,0.13280014251044495,0.10181311471608846,0.0,0.06042580432457709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950055582057456,0.0,0.08550322289699934,0.1222439150728157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740294138506769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361372955792439,0.11329998300963474,0.0,0.13346492951104932 bpd,ryerye33,2018/01/31,"Psychiatrist doesn’t believe in labels? I was diagnosed with Major Depressive and General Anxiety disorders from a prior psychiatrist and I’m on 300mg Wellbutrin XL and (off-label) 300 mg Neurontin twice a day. I’ve gotten a new psychiatrist and we are keeping the same medications. I have seen him twice now, and the first time we talked for about an hour and I explained my symptoms and prior diagnoses. He gave me a pamphlet describing BPD, and didn’t really say much besides “This has been happening a long time. Read these and tell me if you can relate to these symptoms.” I read them and did relate, and this last time I went to see him I told him that and he told me okay, I don’t have to be labeled with BPD. He didn’t give me a diagnosis, and I’m unsure of me being BPD or not. It’s not the matter of having an official diagnosis so I can label myself, I want to have concrete proof so I can get more information of my condition so that I can take care of myself. I don’t want to assume or have a wrong label and I could have been working or trying different treatments instead.",3.640417457305503,5.211029875576038,5.429709948495525,78.86960693955002,72.82488479262673,8.792518297641639,27.511249661154785,9.325443323948027,2.453821035510978,861,32,166,20,17,295,119,217,0.054000000000000006,0.907,0.039,-0.4164,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,1,2,6,4,0,0,12,1,24,5,0,0,1,35,42,21,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,18,0,1,3,2,0,1,7,2,0,3,12,3,29,2,16,27,4,15,0,1,2,0,19,2,0,5,12,119,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131584901620233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492139549733612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004087124160773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135030888908742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057421578075611,0.0,0.0,0.08541251601140287,0.0,0.1140699405506464,0.2688465934701201,0.0,0.13837108102091827,0.15178713205978273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265296439304474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919416842650415,0.12704802891801634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171158055481757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304262218948956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177183058782213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079558625916725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172047829530718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334188550318619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735826543686056,0.0,0.0,0.12791088683183965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264950664378446,0.0,0.08484412999863945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532119991490388,0.0,0.0,0.10553712826999276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27531068510538165,0.09957801582250322,0.10644984709688476,0.1157579536737574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23167959882407324,0.0,0.0,0.2531032206988121,0.0,0.08991772163481432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623248775542736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227727361069697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641752765504802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480179400094512,0.0,0.0 bpd,maddiisboring,2018/01/31,"My FP hasnt been a part of my life since 2011. This whole thing bullshit as fuck. So I was seeing someone in like 2011. I was texting my ex & fucked it up. This person we'll call C moved really far away. I've only seen them once since then in 2016 & I can't stop thinking about it. We had an incredibly intense but short relationship & after they left, I ended up getting back with my ex & I'm still with that person. But C has a special spot in my heart, I literally dream about them every night & never stop thinking about them. Our relationship was very complicated so I'm not even going to get into the details but. Has anyone here ever lost a FP & is now just stuck on them? I'm fucling heartbroken & I dunno what to do.",2.3403016591251884,4.013305745098041,4.03921568627451,87.06570135746607,76.51633986928104,6.5377576671694335,22.22674710910005,7.321109707123232,0.7056258421317239,581,16,123,7,13,195,101,153,0.121,0.795,0.083,-0.835,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,3,0,5,1,12,5,2,0,5,0,12,4,1,0,2,16,26,7,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,7,4,0,2,2,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,8,2,19,2,18,17,2,24,0,1,2,2,15,11,2,1,12,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7672381245644201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073253909059109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950419608306015,0.07778482253201134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103294377959879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895966130997729,0.0,0.0,0.06681438996413906,0.09150386663451696,0.08523059660060228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703923964769376,0.10570252701332628,0.0,0.05749083991501264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987358722328023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990926081942462,0.0,0.07145140566568797,0.04942104786114238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042670823394343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751572545889014,0.0,0.0,0.07801985214168193,0.0,0.0,0.0949306194737862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773075058125872,0.0,0.07693577583350744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954505141616556,0.0,0.0,0.1766558098587059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480487551945315,0.0,0.0,0.21721324610908044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061041418336325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735910074133567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571146731237682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078549589581384,0.16914646295079985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720536813856502,0.12963686467643454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346655000935345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294011427573546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Trekakifks,2018/01/31,"Partner has BPD and I'm exhausted A few months ago my partner of three years was diagnosed with BPD. As is common in situations of the type that I'm in, the entire relationship has been a roller coaster from the start, and one which nearly derailed entirely before her diagnosis when the news came out that she had been unfaithful with me on multiple occasions (and with multiple people). I forgave her, and we started afresh in another city. A month into our new life, there have been a few improvements, but our relationship is much the same as it was before, minus the physical violence. She is still incredibly fearful of abandonment, yet acts in such a volatile and maddening way that it makes me leave/hang up the phone mid row almost every time that we do. She is unrelentingly critical and unforgiving of my behaviour, whilst taking almost twice as long to admit fault in her own. Obviously, when things are great, they really are, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this, but I'm nearly at my wits end dealing the constantly elevated stress levels - and being a fairly dismissive/avoiding type myself I feel as though I'm taking double the brunt, although I understand that it may be contributing to my problems a good deal. Can anyone offer any advice? ",9.79811004784689,8.818447885964915,9.72784688995215,62.23629186602872,59.17543859649122,13.55406698564593,38.7097288676236,12.563389971838223,5.131214035087719,1010,41,163,30,11,333,148,228,0.149,0.79,0.061,-0.9745,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,4,0,1,0,7,8,0,2,16,0,23,3,0,1,1,30,36,17,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,11,15,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,6,0,3,7,1,22,2,26,24,6,34,0,1,0,0,20,14,0,3,17,124,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332942743698653,0.1209474954761374,0.0,0.2732536705726978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927851581795938,0.14307120929038594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540333594377448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23220398339436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436875466314033,0.0,0.0,0.15605316385039808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744520198440347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813311772704952,0.0,0.1384856375958661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208470088714666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495816981433955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353504973576465,0.06898911488252442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444097672165005,0.0,0.15042765598421032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963729359361469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074677151038699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107601535852457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217813216088788,0.0,0.1003004820721278,0.0,0.0,0.13177641933059284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924565500162744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459162096455434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055645367204013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740816305291225,0.0,0.0,0.29297503746389536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336639144403189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931485319100435,0.0,0.10896266277761776,0.0,0.15629371421554136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051746289021624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064592330747302,0.0,0.1340534557744112,0.0,0.07956035831185425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420408104740801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830121465065763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786409823300081 bpd,_notwhyimhere,2018/01/31,What became of your old FP's? Mine is now a firefighter. I'm so proud. ,-2.867083333333333,-1.5039218749999996,0.5025000000000013,100.95916666666668,111.5,4.633333333333333,11.583333333333332,6.42735559955562,-0.8245166666666668,54,1,14,1,3,19,16,16,0.0,0.75,0.25,0.6113,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,finakaida,2018/01/31,"Do you have outbursts of anger? Would you say you are more of an extrovert or introvert? I am asking this because I know many people with bpd struggle with outbursts of anger, screaming and just letting it all out. Well, I don't. I get really angry and upset, too, but for me it just goes inwards. As in, I shut down completely and can't say anything because there's so much chaos in my head, I can't think straight and it makes me go silent. I think I did have outbursts in the past with my parents (the question is, how much of that was the bpd and how much was normal puberty) and I started controlling what I said more, choosing my words before saying something. But how it is now is not much better because I can't communicate at all. I think part of the problem is that I am so unsure about which feelings and reactions are justified and which are just an overreaction that I don't know how to handle it. Anyway, I can't help but wonder if there are other people like me who turn their anger inwards and shut down and if there is any correlation between this and extroversion/introversion...",6.590778816199375,6.3892114579439285,6.7491121495327135,78.43790498442371,65.26168224299063,9.563239875389408,33.25389408099689,9.075114841892004,2.7304249221183787,868,33,167,13,12,279,113,214,0.171,0.7829999999999999,0.046,-0.9792,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,1,2,17,10,3,2,6,0,25,1,1,6,2,46,39,24,0,5,10,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,15,15,0,1,9,0,0,1,7,7,1,0,4,6,25,3,20,33,9,14,0,0,0,0,13,10,0,5,4,134,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131172980957604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049703568363106,0.0,0.12552917149380174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455587181382408,0.0,0.11425829199629604,0.0,0.0,0.11875548874753715,0.0,0.0,0.3382297881755916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407849760359456,0.0,0.15060103683208334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789356769497132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015324178775466,0.0,0.07631168160493462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780507747331053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000182563028601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758825937286665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730547335875976,0.0,0.06560007254263306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962972817757607,0.13613396154668933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948308414159545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156117128329153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909670175750372,0.14540693956505718,0.1281808569587556,0.18617901192875952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284832171059403,0.0,0.0,0.1504189367245318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602012136887466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277264489677489,0.3203430478764113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103371596958533,0.0,0.0,0.0950406665511565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037357688822671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581143488964774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605284241788688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072951647821276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561570956680076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538523837648534,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,UkuCat,2018/01/31,"How do you hold down a job? I was diagnosed yesterday and I'm so relieved that how I am is actually a thing and I'm not just a weird anomaly who no one will ever understand. I haven't had a steady job in almost 10 years... I've had a few jobs but nothing more than a few months and then it all gets too much and I can't take it and I just don't go back. So I can't get references and I don't want to apply for jobs because who's going to hire me if I'm honest and say I've walked out of every job I've ever had? And even if I blag my way into a position I feel like they'll figure out I'm a big faker and I'll end up letting people down and walking out again so what's the point? I tried to start my own business but I don't promote it because all I can see are the flaws and I feel like I'm taking advantage of people if I sell any of my work to them. I wanna be productive, to contribute, to create ANY kind of stability for myself but it just seems impossible. Any one got any advice? ",0.07293154761904573,1.6111269776785733,3.056607142857142,92.14672619047623,82.79464285714286,6.230952380952381,19.595238095238095,7.2636822038024595,0.28685952380952395,769,20,187,11,21,275,123,224,0.029,0.868,0.103,0.9412,5,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,3,14,7,0,0,10,0,19,1,0,2,4,41,38,23,0,5,10,0,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,9,15,0,1,6,0,1,4,8,1,0,2,5,4,23,6,22,29,7,25,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,5,12,125,32,8,0.0,0.0,0.11840111001307048,0.0,0.0,0.11856280458196325,0.0,0.0,0.12149501489731727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33003572546061977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329570000226957,0.0,0.14792394845828993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314794943109793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746285026922567,0.0,0.0,0.08013768083566243,0.21950084894950608,0.10222621730854817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269673849706032,0.17335713152546914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678040430906262,0.0,0.13790988984726893,0.0,0.09703912078499533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6020092227042321,0.0,0.0,0.12634709202054573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406870290425635,0.0,0.11855195152379353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684488364996904,0.0,0.08919191122315957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641993046106938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443343502817953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823064625867373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469658275018765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648691942667033,0.0,0.0,0.09668473583795532,0.1104547715302731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587838440604782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182450940496244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806066229927737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237547587207453,0.0,0.0,0.12630937654675845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156389914882189,0.09630653933981516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833008197483436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813289315663732 bpd,HereWeGo333124,2018/01/31,"Anger and impulsivity I am angry for no specific reason and know from past experiences that I tend to be impulsive and change my life when this strikes. Quitting jobs, cutting ties with people, dramatically cutting or colouring my hair and generally like being ridiculous. Any tips at all?",9.421564625850335,10.707012244897962,9.082040816326533,59.040340136054446,59.204081632653065,11.431292517006804,40.82312925170068,11.20814326018867,5.132668027210885,236,12,34,6,3,76,43,49,0.298,0.66,0.042,-0.9197,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,10,5,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,4,1,5,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23830668795656465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37071200773889307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427910492409153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34775101703120226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258899894772213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24752143146795136,0.17120402876987004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345282752279189,0.2429463541666225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37272899260304176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603038379369359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,highlighteddizziness,2018/01/31,"How do I tell my new boyfriend about my diagnosis? I [17F] recently started to date a new guy[19M], he’s the complete opposite of me, he’s very quiet and too himself but still very loving and affectionate. This is his first real relationship, virgin and all considering I was his first kiss. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 12 but with BPD at 15. The two relationships I’ve been in since my original diagnosis at age 12 where catastrophic and I ended up using sex as a coping mechanism which a lot of people don’t find healthy at my age including my first doctor. He knows I’m not a virgin and isn’t concerned about that part but I’m scared to tell him about my diagnosis and his reaction. He tells me he will be with me through thick and thin and I want to believe him but I still have that perpetual doubt and I don’t want to end up hurting him as I have a history of cheating when that fear hits me. What’s the best way to approach this? 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I struggle with codependency often as many may be able to relate to. If someone I care about is struggling, especially someone I am in a relationship with, it is not going to be long until I find myself in the same position that I just climbed out of. This discovery has made me think a couple of things. First, that means I do have something to work on in therapy. I have been at a stand still in therapy because overall I am doing very well and coping better than I have in my 24 years of life. This is huge because this is important, I know for a fact there is a way to be empathetic without taking on the situation as if it was my own. Second, I think I have been holding to much onto the past. I without a doubt have dealt with mental health problems, but I think I have been stopping myself from getting better, if that makes sense. I had it in my head that if I wasn’t sick/ as sick as I was that people would leave because without my mental illnesses I am plain as can be. I can’t allow myself to let this happen anymore because of the simple fact that on my good days I feel amazing. I have no right to take away from my happiness. Lastly, I don’t need let people invalidate me. I know where I have been, where I am going, how I felt, and how I feel now. I don’t need anyone to validate me, I can do that on my own. The only thing I have to do is not let people take away parts of who I am. I am a pretty cool person, just like all of you. We all deserve to feel like we are being heard. Others may not understand yet, but the first step is they listen. ",3.37132958801498,3.9071440168539335,5.177022471910113,84.36568352059928,72.31460674157304,7.843445692883898,25.50749063670412,7.9370924344782425,1.3049367041198503,1314,38,284,17,24,452,164,356,0.056,0.752,0.192,0.9946,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,2,1,1,6,13,16,0,3,14,1,57,6,1,5,4,60,86,21,0,8,15,0,4,2,0,3,5,2,0,1,19,10,0,2,15,0,0,4,12,4,1,3,14,7,55,12,52,61,8,40,0,0,0,0,9,20,0,8,16,235,74,1,0.08793632381821727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720920403258546,0.061487122235066735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165238141827966,0.0,0.0,0.21442066721654576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554506469531326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965694278143507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729986972924716,0.0,0.05671165407218896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333897425401606,0.06282172730624272,0.08443266112256523,0.0,0.08037220686902204,0.14959718423496754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594309975709883,0.0,0.099952478638541,0.07375681630809576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776180073828033,0.2808295556213681,0.0,0.0,0.09024803786752668,0.0934722001308787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449825115108457,0.07167984061664147,0.0,0.09311186992068203,0.0,0.26976254691703866,0.06211202609886096,0.08592249196458902,0.0,0.0,0.15564175876877848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320747580815645,0.058698178985405185,0.08915363019988506,0.0,0.09578843605473147,0.0,0.0,0.1772382631293372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464331608948819,0.13040733974818974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687953682626713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522646936293032,0.08394517128693063,0.18289192415939373,0.07678260609593922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913499242959532,0.0,0.08946285500219872,0.0,0.08414318583409447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441070253026776,0.0,0.07509714006484723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884411235921398,0.0,0.0,0.14901632361403755,0.06769767825534011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022606179320855,0.07351870423995906,0.0,0.1838602773553452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983515151023125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011257000254881,0.0,0.11684197227237066,0.28173022794791225,0.0,0.0,0.05127637758358608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915448143357887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255667658687381,0.0,0.06979976074794401,0.0,0.0,0.07906531584051497,0.0,0.07934885462572996,0.0,0.0,0.2543024344371844,0.0,0.06401869105622411,0.0,0.0,0.06246744142407475,0.0,0.0,0.056628109433305124 bpd,RemarkableCandidate,2018/01/31,"Need advice on a confusing situation Hey all, i'll try to keep it brief. Been in a relationship for 4 years now. We met freshman year in college. Love-bombed him hard in the beginning, but he had never had a gf or even been kissed for that matter, so he obliged me, and fell for me. Around the 2 year mark I got bored and started cheating. was able to justify it to myself because he was a video game addict, dismissive, etc etc. Anyways he quickly caught on that I was cheating, but I continued to deny. Hurt him really bad as you can imagine. I moved out with the help of my friend and was happy to make a clean break. The month I was out of his house was the official breakup. After the one month mark we started hanging out as friends. That's when I fell back into it, and realized the consequences of my actions. Long story short: I moved back in quickly and rather assertively. He was hesitant to let me back in but since he really loved me he agreed. Well it's been a year since I moved back in and the guilt of everything is eating me alive. I can't even move most days because his words during the breakup keep coming back to me. I feel like I wasted years of his life. And he can never be happy around me because I am mentally ill. He's really trying to be optimistic and is just all around awesome, but I feel like subconsciously he doesn't feel loved and deserves someone who wouldn't just latch on. Can love-bombing and codependency be reversed? I know I love him but I feel disgusted that I rushed things without getting to know him in an authentic way. And now I can't unsee it. It's the worst feeling in the world. 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I’ve never really posted on here before besides the occasionally comment here or there... but I am concerned that I am slowly screwing up my relationship. I feel as if the whole BPD part of me is getting worse, and I can’t stop the extreme anger and I lash out and say the worst things to people whom had done nothing to me. It’s like I get mad just looking at people, and some days I hate my girlfriend and want to be alone, but then again I don’t ever want to be alone and I know I’ll be nothing without her. Also does anyone else start to lack empathy and are unable to detect what others are feeling in an episode? It drives me nuts but I needed a vent before I go back out there. Thanks for reading ~ ",2.721666666666668,3.921649356687902,4.3188694267515935,87.40127653927816,74.54140127388536,6.507218683651806,24.54830148619957,6.816661863887847,0.8122785562632693,587,18,125,5,12,197,102,157,0.244,0.6890000000000001,0.067,-0.9869,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,5,0,8,0,14,1,0,0,2,29,27,16,0,5,9,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,4,18,2,16,22,5,17,0,0,1,1,6,6,1,4,9,94,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262636945451839,0.0,0.12595991008424462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101339722833534,0.1613866092812217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111471748291387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680571577319933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983771026473561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015802904850781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783720888181752,0.16118641815421664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157857895558142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247593033297598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928259093168196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458392884010928,0.0,0.0895160084899166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550755262072274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656284071572098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695095334245343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322679110214467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679094596804875,0.12148066991230536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022683143345275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056692452386954,0.0,0.2183938508751382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085010607258775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755164880158726,0.0,0.20180862884462805,0.0,0.0,0.1691057463377339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525749832922173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148569832237216,0.0,0.0,0.13168459737173968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450131478676352,0.0,0.0,0.10464199712081096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580580728103127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758532010195743,0.0,0.15183307901352874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160515152462856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tin3019,2018/01/31,"Wish people understood. I feel so misunderstood when it comes to my illness. I'm 20 and have the disorder the past couple of years, but my mood swings are starting to get really bad lately. My friends and family do not understand what it means to suffer from this. A lot of the time I feel so alone with my thoughts that I just want to end it all. I try to control my moods with medication and therapy, but they still cause me a lot of pain. The only reason I am posting this is because I wish people would tell me I am not alone. I'm from Texas and Mental Illness is looked downed upon at least in my opinion. I just hope this illness gets easier to deal with. ",4.256907131011609,4.9854433805970135,5.274875621890551,83.76307628524049,70.41791044776119,8.642122719734662,26.82918739635157,8.841846274778883,1.8271834162520733,519,16,108,9,9,171,84,134,0.215,0.6679999999999999,0.117,-0.9481,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,0,0,6,0,8,5,0,3,1,32,25,9,0,5,6,0,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,3,17,2,18,22,4,14,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,4,8,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098764730975945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490794016172894,0.091193449247814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367818103432596,0.0,0.12886528509102546,0.0,0.0,0.16778668800449315,0.0,0.16552715458182884,0.0,0.0,0.15422879492043454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145207484997693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249927525853386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410275211808133,0.0,0.15128231650954033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557891312076125,0.0,0.1563173845273045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858440087663918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875286936696066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562450084569907,0.0,0.0,0.2543654524582405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295589404285882,0.0,0.15070407622110885,0.15075942784127944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377589159582414,0.15918263959277168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280805701668006,0.20742459975428731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327336941774824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958362011964134,0.15381148572977887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588611474260966,0.0,0.11946902106307103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075509806678687,0.0,0.17107815730451284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876396755729712,0.08723169827763087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156710737508118,0.0,0.0,0.1557366178998086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823667665745072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34406024549508474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062700069558887,0.0,0.0,0.0963360983928004 bpd,Thisisme174747474,2018/01/31,"I’m in a dilemma First off, I have been diagnosed with BPD a couple of years ago and have worked tremendously to resolve a lot of problems that come with it. The problem isn’t about me though. It’s my partner. He’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for a while, but he exhibits “rapid cycling,” meaning certain moments of stress result in him reaching a period of psychosis. He blacks out during this time. He’s inconsolable. He will bang his fists on walls and scream. You can try to calm him down and NOTHING helps. Anyway, he’s been living at my apartment this last year (not supposed to be...he’s not on the lease) and there have been probably four incidents or more that the police had to be called because he was in an episode. He’s not violent towards anyone, more himself. The worst was when he got upset and I caught him trying to hang himself off the stairs banister. I saved him and immediately called the police. He was sent to a mental hospital for about five days. Surprisingly, with all the noise he causes, my neighbors haven’t reported it to the front office...until now. Last Sunday, he went into a full blown episode at my apartment because of something to do with work. Police were called, they had to sedate him with ketamine, take him to the hospital for a day. The front office called and said multiple neighbors called and asked what happened. I told them my “friend” came over, became unstable, and the police had to come. She told me that I needed to tell him that he’s banned from the property. After he got out of the hospital, his doctor put him on Seroquel and he promised that nothing would happen again. I warned him that I didn’t need attention on my place. Three days later, he was sent home from work early. I’m guessing he did something that they didn’t like. I wasn’t home when he got home, but when I opened the door, I heard him moaning REALLY loud in my bathroom upstairs. I ran up and he had his belt tightening around his neck. I called 911 as I pulled the belt. They came and I called his parents who showed up as well. I had ten cops in my place...ten cop cars outside flashing their lights...and this was all at 3am. They didn’t sedate him inside..instead pulled him out and he was screaming bloody murder. I saw so many bedroom lights turning on...and this was a Thursday morning. People were so pissed, i’m sure. Well, he’s in a mental hospital..almost been a week. The property manager said if he sets foot on property again, i’ll be evicted. I got my locks changed. He’s going to have to stay at his parents’ house from now on. I packed up his stuff to move them to his parents. The problem is...he understands that living with me is no option now. But, I’ve been on the phone with me and he’s already acting controlling. He said, “well, if I can’t be at your place, you shouldn’t have anyone over.” I said, “calm down, I should be allowed to have anyone I want. My friends aren’t banned from here.” He started getting angry and hung up. I’m just worried things are going to escalate and he’s going to become obsessive, paranoid (that I’m cheating), and needy because he can’t come. Also, there’s the risk that he shows up uninvited and makes a scene at my door without me answering. I know I could call the cops, but it just seems like potential to turn into a really scary relationship. Any advice? 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Diagnosed a year and a half ago. I really like journaling because it helps me organize my thoughts and feelings. Is there any good journal with prompts or a focus on mindfulness/gratitude/calming to help with BPD?,5.186097560975611,8.699547121951223,5.164097560975613,72.64370731707318,77.78048780487805,10.109268292682929,39.90731707317073,9.888512548439397,5.678966829268291,196,13,28,7,5,61,36,41,0.0,0.659,0.341,0.9388,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,3,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696426480888313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685699738051128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542903969590094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192245735459149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831117784788249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087425158877056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380564560676405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551368913561856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077790979860037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860997664168332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30714127460272983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486942211893665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414898069572979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958858926860365 bpd,spiteykitty,2018/02/01,"Is anybody else a ‘bad driver’? Hi, I am a 17 year old female. My friends often criticize my driving even though I have never ever had an accident that was my fault (a guy backed into me in a subway parking lot once, left a huge dent in my door) and i have never been pulled over and I have a completely clean driving record. They always complain that I am ‘jolty’ and that I’m a bad driver. It makes me feel really bad about myself but I can’t help but wonder, if I was really that terrible of a driver would I have passed my road test? I have been driving for 5 months, as in my province you cannot receive your license until you’re 17. The thing I feel that I should mention, is that everybody who complains about my driving, they themselves can’t drive, or they have multiple penalties on their license, have rear ended people, been pulled over multiple times, etc. Why do they think they have room to talk? Also, just in case I really am a ‘bad’ driver, how do I become better? I do know that ‘risky driving’ is often considered to be an aspect of BPD but I’m not sure I’d consider my driving risky. I’m very anxious about being pulled over because I’m not sure how I’d react so I always abide by the rules of the road I’m on. I don’t speed or bring illegal things into my vehicle. I just don’t understand what’s so terrible about my driving and the more my friends complain about it, the more I either want to stop letting people into my car, or to just give up driving all together. Does anybody have any advice? Please help :( (this is a bit of a cross post with r/driving but has been modified to add in the BPD aspect) ",4.553506493506493,4.944886575757579,5.628268398268402,82.69954545454549,69.60606060606061,8.467532467532468,28.441558441558442,8.418075326091056,1.9218831168831167,1270,42,256,18,21,422,165,330,0.149,0.772,0.079,-0.9739,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,6,1,19,15,0,0,19,0,37,0,0,4,6,46,52,20,0,4,14,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,14,9,0,1,6,0,0,17,9,10,0,0,7,2,41,5,33,40,7,49,0,0,0,0,22,19,0,8,12,180,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613413061830848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950404443861268,0.19777741400030868,0.0,0.0,0.08081879511979477,0.0,0.0,0.13426122105365287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138460454264907,0.39692303149424607,0.0724469162668761,0.13125515980639002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510890040582464,0.1297481516657258,0.0,0.2993626778397533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246069060122116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400221448482846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927989474801728,0.0,0.10526155090363437,0.0,0.13254378665019606,0.07849611795563875,0.1075022657932702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018338386392854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363897648661556,0.0,0.0,0.11400712220075003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767540914668075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931883277626302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531420071231601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291256315642362,0.12152724456485207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103791877282213,0.0,0.0,0.0793300778917754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486108571044527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332145275537204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470802040194773,0.12656623385493404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16478456220307258,0.0,0.0,0.13045631481647085,0.0,0.0,0.11382082685867514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284057890346269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935988875069683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240203439905621,0.0,0.0,0.09552325077043927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791090833840865,0.07615119008421906,0.1167647821040772,0.0,0.0692995779089737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237220196158374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980597167526478,0.0700979640335623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723928624169854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888252387995638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442420326368084,0.0,0.0,0.07653239691345537 bpd,luvsonitsway,2018/02/01,"New BPD diagnosis I was diagnosed with GAD when i was 15. I was diagnosed Bipolar I when I was 20 years old. And my doctor just added another one on top of that at 23. She says I exhibit a lot of cluster b traits and that she believes I have BPD (and a major codependent problem) as well, which makes sense. I can see that. She’s thinking that I may also have schizotypal personally disorder. I just feel like that’s so much and it makes me feel like it may be too much to handle. No meds are working significantly, therapy hasn’t been helping. I’m just not sure how to take this all in. I keep freaking out thinking, is this really worth it, if I have all of this wrong with me and nothing is helping? And are they even right? Am I just hard to deal with and they’re throwing every possibly diagnosis at me since they can’t figure out why I am this way? I’m just so overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn. ",3.1566462948815897,4.340116540106955,4.70056913674561,85.15236631016046,73.43850267379679,8.337509549274257,27.26088617265088,8.841846274778883,1.9173517188693656,711,26,154,14,14,239,111,187,0.081,0.821,0.098,0.2411,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,2,15,8,0,1,2,0,21,4,0,3,3,37,34,16,0,2,7,0,3,2,0,2,4,1,0,1,13,13,0,1,6,0,1,1,5,4,1,1,5,5,23,4,17,26,6,16,0,1,1,0,10,9,0,4,7,108,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188291448384413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670381904459495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762634521970484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524138497114269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423711914716789,0.0,0.2840036373342447,0.0,0.0,0.16034459298552622,0.1431998944553304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240670652657904,0.0,0.11787698325741322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148152763887684,0.19989799318019127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532844893513548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755231478878115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435503317603225,0.0,0.0,0.07688877277538676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670217653387945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894322357919627,0.0,0.0,0.18677691120008694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554042165061359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056942671411928,0.0,0.0,0.13512225186118582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424374446300824,0.0,0.14680799182076748,0.0,0.09480404233912147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221606721739896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772318662941565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387131100382796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962747571042283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194791056870777,0.0,0.11125900268312028,0.0,0.0,0.11148710465553996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573183048634647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185991054244298,0.0,0.10519202913114467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599948995992546,0.0,0.0,0.17929245055759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521777390909838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105100652481563,0.0,0.0,0.12579244987670338,0.0,0.12624355840701273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185335883696862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296543526173792,0.0,0.09009498718591484 bpd,Yuio6789,2018/02/01,"Narcissistic parents and BPD I've been reading a lot lately on how narcissistic parent's behavior can cause their child to develop BPD and anxiety. This YouTube video I found today about narcissistic parents hit me pretty hard. It's 15 min long but describes my childhood PERFECTLY. I was wondering if anyone else here diagnosed with BPD can relate. https://youtu.be/oHe3I6sPIiQ",8.775806451612901,11.781397870967744,7.897612903225808,60.526419354838744,62.225806451612904,11.411612903225805,38.206451612903216,11.20814326018867,5.503925161290324,316,16,41,10,5,98,52,62,0.04,0.818,0.142,0.8573,3,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,2,1,11,7,5,0,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,5,1,4,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,5,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222636901119552,0.0,0.0,0.11171741817160796,0.16370693749228651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6036877796918381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413150199354426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216684388454766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347034364462354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518350897940832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312576559600254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023158348505566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139461091431318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583380375224915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5322290347569039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254719394570336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15981684005284574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144669385129006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732676570186203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HopeBeyond,2018/02/01,"I can't endure this anymore Minimal context: 19 years old Male Narcissistic home I hate myself for being so stupid, I am quite intelligent as to have great grades; however, my way of behaving, my conducts, my mental process is (according to myself, and believe me, I know myself) stupid. I've come to accept the fact that I am not this great mastermind, I got the highest scholarship on my college, but at the same time I cannot remember most of the drive routes I go by. Anxiety and BPD have not been helping either. And this semester has been hell for me, I want to learn, I really do, but anytime I ask a question or I make a mistake I end up receiving nuclear backlash from my teachers. When I asked a question that was actually about my answering method (which was correct), I was told that I was mediocre, that I did not have even the basics to comprehend the course and that this was going to be the end of me. Today at class a professor told me to get out and that I was going to fail his class. We are 3 weeks in the course and I've already made this much enemies. I ask questions, do my homework, study a lot until the point of burnout. However I am not able to perform as expected. Every semester I am afraid to lose my scholarship and now I am scared that I might be losing it because of some asshole. How do you endure these experiences? I have no more motivation, I end up being made a fool of most people, I hate myself.",7.350711761736496,6.04714971731449,8.054702170620903,73.31820671378094,64.19434628975263,11.619283190307925,36.82205956587582,10.7630783206399,3.84928086824836,1122,47,218,25,14,378,156,283,0.182,0.77,0.048,-0.9918,2,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,0,9,6,15,5,2,15,0,31,0,0,5,2,42,49,16,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,15,10,0,0,9,0,2,6,7,12,0,0,14,0,45,3,31,30,8,26,1,3,0,0,14,8,1,9,11,165,60,12,0.11393379527074075,0.0,0.11118294903668886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257287762245568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871590415316054,0.0,0.11299170998452007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31953815593895674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945298410178873,0.0,0.0,0.12836437166448147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349562670191632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981438762380622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30273457580342833,0.0,0.0,0.07525219724110957,0.0,0.09599413643989574,0.0,0.0,0.1114491139560386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059525705584978314,0.0,0.19425360437311295,0.0,0.09112326412828567,0.25122482301524524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249720700867313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636742134864685,0.0,0.11428488625039965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261503425464053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549255475435959,0.0,0.09686243842810872,0.0,0.21561382377819308,0.07605169305363886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148184681182694,0.12086575197388648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375444891449682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955435240936715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898734803804859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770426318797803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828957770316265,0.12118261565850025,0.0,0.0,0.07298890669199992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906477997572902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406760497729795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643571225367986,0.0,0.1079959159876528,0.2177372478134492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720110437353043,0.09043534350426706,0.09139081818559924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336962868814734 bpd,alsilis,2018/02/01,"My University assignment seems like a sick joke ""Borderline Personality Disorder - explain and give an example"". I could probably write a thesis on BPD. Here, I needed to do it in less than 6 lines. I copied a bit of the symptoms from the text book, and then wrote ""For example, *my full name*"". I find it completely hilarious, because it's just the perfect stupid impulsive thing to do. I have no idea how the teacher's gonna react to it, I'll probably get some points deducted. Good thing that I'm quitting this whole B.A. thing, I had no chance anyway. ",2.855584415584417,5.458958904761907,4.427965367965367,80.31779220779221,79.0,8.770562770562771,27.640692640692638,9.339509955726095,2.9099523809523813,435,19,82,13,11,145,79,105,0.126,0.7240000000000001,0.149,0.3597,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,8,0,5,2,0,2,1,16,13,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,4,9,9,5,5,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,52,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205752000624926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594306771048025,0.0,0.2491183657755997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20738636502130967,0.0,0.0,0.15792478963497072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266924696530324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078285173713096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334075565782556,0.18974488185620075,0.0,0.16590271819907695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328870882156585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663361086396988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666395067109542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270868916731058,0.0,0.0,0.18698207498818392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42651718659229626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21038143020183775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006693728669487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558679211300407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942225634866464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208332588276575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,firstsong-,2018/02/01,"Growing up and my abandonment issues. This is going to be a lot, basically starting from the beginning until now because I never really felt comfortable talking about it but I want to feel better. Growing up, I always thought I had a relatively normal childhood. I don't think I realized how abnormal my childhood was and the way I was treated until I started learning about mental illnesses existing. My dad left me and my mom on christmas morning when I was 4 years old to be with his new girlfriend, (who he cheated on my mom with) and her kids. I don't specifically remember this but I do know that it had a lot to do with how I feel today about relationships and people. I was four years old, christmas was supposed to be a great day for me but it was the day my dad chose a different family over me. HE was the one who wanted me to begin with and then he just left. So my parents split and I had to spend weekends with my dad and his new girlfriend, they treated me like I was absolute fucking garbage. His girlfriend hated me because I was a byproduct of my dad and my moms relationship, she hated that I was PROOF of it, that I looked like my mom, and that I was the reason my dad still had to associate with my mom. From age 4+ she treated me and TOLD me that I was stupid, too fat, too ugly, etc. My dad was too blind to really see how she treated me and he ignored it. I had really bad anxiety (I didn't realize at the time.) and I'd have full blown panic attacks on the ground and they would just yell at me and treat me like garbage, like the way I was acting was just weird and they'd call me psychotic. I wasn't even in the 3rd grade. It took them watching me take care of my dying mom and her dying when I was in middle school for them to at least try to be nice to me. Now that I'm an adult and I have an understanding of mental illness and my own brain, I realize how much all of this has affected me and I've basically been living in denial most of my life. I thought most of the way I acted was ""normal"" and that I was just over-sensitive and things affected me more, which I mean is true but it was more than just that. I don't even know where I was going with all of this anymore but I just needed to get some things off my chest, I guess. 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I've followed and learned a lot from the /r/seduction community over the last few years, but have always felt like I have internal drives which really detract from my success in life, and specifically long-term relationships with women. Women have always been a primary motivator in my life, for better or worse. I can feel like superman when I'm in a healthy relationship, or like the absolute scum of the earth when I'm feeling perceived abandonment. I could go more into that but its not really the point of this post. Recently, a mental-health professional I know personally told me that as long as she's known me, she's noticed that I exhibit Cluster B traits at times, and thinks that I should look into starting treatment for BPD. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but the more I read about it, the more sense it makes. Anyhow, I was wondering today if any of you with BPD who follow Seddit have learned to overcome it successfully and what your stories of being successful in self-improvement and dating have been? 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Maybe someone from a phase where you had an episode, an ex friend, lover, room-mate? I always feel so embarrassed and don't know what to do??? It makes me want to hide away from the world and delete all of my social media etc etc. Hopefully y'all have some better coping mechanisms than I do? ",3.658356807511741,5.632340492957745,3.8165492957746494,88.77627934272303,73.64788732394365,7.550234741784037,21.6924882629108,8.344100000000001,1.0276178403755871,289,7,59,5,6,89,58,71,0.064,0.742,0.193,0.8726,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,0,6,1,0,3,1,12,11,4,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,4,9,10,4,4,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,2,1,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008154480629335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372109666258932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232958731082611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5631584090568702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766023395443152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950635266517064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499924661691525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507671724698187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387550570704726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853072326126933,0.0,0.25364763142864777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410183872108737,0.0,0.2204536556824236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25736906410021965,0.21392340640289248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891779879297826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gandhiman12,2018/02/01,"Borderline without provocations? Hello everyone a while ago I met this amazing and beautiful girl, I saw her twice in real life, then she went away and we kept in touch over the phone. A little while ago, she told me she had borderline and I'm starting to read up on the disease. Everywhere I read that people with borderline provoke other people to hide their pain (if I got it right), but she has never gotten angry with me (as far as I know) or called me names, etc. She sometimes doesn't respond to me for a while, after we've quite intimate talks, but I don't get the feeling she's trying to provoke me. I mostly get the idea that she's just very said and feels a lot to pain when things get intimate. Can anyone give some directions on if she's feeling betrayed or not? I Would really like to talk to someone trough dm's if possible. There's a lot more to the story, by the way, but I'm not quite comfortable with putting her entire story out here without her knowledge. Thanks in advance for any tips ",5.008107692307694,5.67782978,5.573000000000004,82.5086153846154,68.7,8.753846153846155,29.384615384615394,8.841846274778883,2.220257692307692,796,28,156,13,13,257,121,200,0.158,0.799,0.043,-0.9703,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,1,3,4,6,0,0,11,0,6,3,0,3,1,40,26,19,0,4,13,0,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,6,9,0,1,6,2,0,3,7,2,0,1,9,6,26,4,28,16,6,26,0,0,1,0,25,12,0,9,11,107,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374733074780691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910891056943432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936594248678733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584837903681556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677569271783582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938721832480156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799287495016526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318411588402704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20994661045186264,0.1284949471055464,0.0,0.0,0.10713030193727048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121077600942542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361421465399358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461130120153753,0.06544013517051811,0.13425089737204174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277552801570999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033088105392002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850598328210498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572509502353826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510060324459547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465454809032348,0.0,0.2849399728869781,0.2679681211493395,0.1524619354128494,0.08581039854956214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439069990633595,0.12741504332739384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113493546764626,0.0,0.13247781149467608,0.0,0.094808951038306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532435549919865,0.0,0.12332114919653595,0.0,0.0,0.08898897464758179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799287495016526,0.0,0.0909417720504145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052097337506032,0.0,0.1063215387211478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241709640552414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582418224185834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515268277443813,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spokensilences,2018/02/01,"Extreme feelings of loneliness On and off for the past year my anxiety has been really flaring up with concern to being alone for the rest of my life. I have a boyfriend who I spend time with every weekend and I have my parents. I’m so very grateful for them but I can’t shake the feeling that my parents are getting quite old and me being an only child; am terrified of what will happen when they’re gone. My parents have been a constant support to me and they really are the most understanding people when it comes to my BPD and know how to handle it. I’m afraid that when they’re gone, no one will care for me like they do and I’ll really have no will to go on. From my experience boyfriends and friends come and go but family stays. My mom and dad are the only family I have and it just scares me to death that I won’t be able to function without them and I will never find that same unconditional love. ",4.552258064516128,5.051052774193551,5.427043010752692,83.76056451612907,69.64516129032258,8.565591397849463,28.403225806451612,8.59863814320734,1.879825806451613,720,24,151,11,12,236,104,186,0.128,0.75,0.122,0.1866,3,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,4,1,6,8,0,3,8,0,22,2,0,1,1,28,39,18,1,0,4,5,2,1,1,5,1,0,0,1,9,15,0,0,5,1,1,7,6,3,0,1,4,2,23,5,22,27,3,22,0,0,0,1,13,4,0,1,11,110,32,0,0.13958306704668608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456596140989456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678066423505947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579998660839485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231423957785885,0.0,0.0,0.2404769054626092,0.0,0.15083970768443186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760475415515036,0.0,0.0,0.13653902346229066,0.2631729860735505,0.0,0.1411547854014054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757639452019862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784153134950106,0.0,0.07292639145325737,0.0,0.15865654739134816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343284520922645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671120323629338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859164821678336,0.0681932359459572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597916769642115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347800111855246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765506632953507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464689484662976,0.0,0.094585098669003,0.2123184246858003,0.0,0.0,0.4649714322391525,0.0,0.13324783164931184,0.09676932354298796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846377342348716,0.0,0.0,0.2682614609364316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974700057665834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877697735373588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583972103503985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139200889221328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531089545685166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517064863487313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455309559964204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988691876744806 bpd,Blurredpixiesdancing,2018/02/01,"I don't understand what dbt does Hey guys, So I saw my psychiatrist today and she brought dbt for like the 10th time. I am apprehensive because it's expensive if I do it through private health. I don't get it's purpose is it like coping techniques? I would mainly like to not have constant si and less avoidant. Can any one explain it? Sorry if this is a repeat or stupid question.",2.776597744360899,4.916089328947368,3.860075187969926,86.72552631578951,76.76315789473685,6.448120300751881,29.27819548872181,7.447530270364453,1.7663669172932344,303,14,60,4,7,98,57,76,0.065,0.8270000000000001,0.108,0.4871,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,2,2,0,9,1,0,0,0,11,14,6,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,3,0,1,2,1,8,3,3,11,2,5,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,7,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793591357267356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846795815202098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986495823309438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418466046643657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438795117518038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27364223248117825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29376031526145874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050501372422957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727031924064325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095891442524224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093650884173931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114914191951035,0.0,0.2619592475469818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28770301204185633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963199246473156,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,USmellFunny,2018/02/01,"BPD - BPD co-dependent relationship Hello, my name is John. I am a BPD diagnosed male, 29 years old. In the past 10 years I've been living the quiet life of dead inside and just being a workhorse and occasionally pouring some drugs and prostitutes over the wounds to keep me going. I've met a very understanding girl that's also BPD and which managed to wake up all the repressed emotions like needing closeness and validation. We understand that the only thing which can result from this is a co-dependent relationship but I can't seem to find information on the internet on how we can use this to heal because until now it has helped eachother immensely and I'm already almost double the longest I've ever been in a relationship with someone. We're dedicated to being to eachother what others haven't been to us. And we have compatible fetishes and sex drives. Been through a few splitting episodes, we turned out fine, the other always understood what was happening and knew what to do to de-escalate. There is potential to make this work or am I just finding justifications? ",7.524128978224454,8.209560638190954,7.836293969849247,68.41698701842546,63.22110552763819,10.854438860971522,36.18132328308208,10.686352973137794,4.098889112227806,873,39,145,21,12,286,130,199,0.023,0.934,0.043,0.5647,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,5,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,14,0,19,7,1,5,2,41,33,14,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,14,16,0,2,9,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,1,10,2,22,23,4,17,0,0,0,1,15,8,0,4,8,101,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218861107520794,0.0,0.13432227350701315,0.09734032902006393,0.10128171577834948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420005989509174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6132139163588047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235443661284057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115784563342829,0.0,0.0,0.13691986740684822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010371416410146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22250178179174904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917691282205214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763757705321332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158709537661704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081913167930915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597522088832216,0.05946678678757587,0.0,0.10748197163233927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124978721479878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025466197531344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277258309951506,0.0,0.0,0.09257439038287044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161965741129519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920487632141644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081032853251467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031339029118994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086609796913788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239761639195416,0.0,0.2534319399329403,0.14641551020508664,0.10512795911657384,0.0,0.10043266478781676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861441898191527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567688102547912 bpd,catluvrlesbo,2018/02/01,"Abandonment fears. So tonight I went to my BPD peer-support group and I was already in a weird head space after stressful energy between me and the wife. I did not want to go, but we went. It was as busy as I expected, given the super blue moon tonight and it had me on edge. I ended up sitting in ""my spot"", but there was a dude sitting next to me and it just added to my stress because I couldn't put enough space between the two of our chairs. I always sit in my spot. Anyways, check in starts and it's fine and all, I'm prepared to talk about my frustration with the psychiatrist I waited 3 months to see and what a waste of time it was. But we get to this one person in particular that brings up their child, and how they moved here 10 years ago to have a relationship and be close to this child, but now that the child is a teenager and it's been ten years and there's a relationship, they feel like it's time to leave and move on with their life. This hit me so fucking hard and ruined my entire night because I'm dealing with abandonment issues with the two father figures in my life that don't even really care about me (it feels like, anyway). My biological father who spent more time fighting to habe a relationship with his son that he wasn't allowed to see, instead of caring about the daughter who was eager to have him a part of hers. And my step-dad who now barely speaks to me since he married someone new and I moved out of their house. I feel grief from this everyday and to hear someone even considering that choice of leaving because the child is a teenager now and they want to get on with their own life... I ended up leaving before open discussion. It's now 4 hours later and I'm still in this headspace of anger and sadness. Tried calling my step dad. As usual no answer.",4.163966942148761,5.0491890110192825,4.700899173553719,87.22116694214876,70.73553719008265,7.460892561983472,26.64121212121212,7.554174236665415,1.2309809146005501,1413,44,299,15,25,450,181,363,0.151,0.7829999999999999,0.066,-0.9841,1,0,0,0,3,0,34.0,3,0,7,1,20,20,4,3,17,0,16,5,1,2,1,51,41,29,1,4,6,6,4,2,0,0,3,2,0,5,23,30,0,3,5,0,2,9,5,13,0,4,13,9,40,7,53,25,5,55,0,5,3,1,40,18,1,0,27,200,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534175475888618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624157787207623,0.0,0.08010830231608011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606457742942058,0.0,0.08192271913885031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121254674199051,0.0,0.09830728134344363,0.0,0.19631704287143487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925503724624167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054170082403114,0.09947755001339888,0.0,0.12717712544910065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833585689278033,0.14603821518152826,0.13755739767864342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900445269853652,0.1005991639336669,0.0,0.05471515764770134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624326345826645,0.0,0.09880566618411817,0.0,0.10850863745022084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948112332008866,0.1110881325017464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048582340885223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30582316982890234,0.0,0.0,0.20400510399190186,0.0940699571908978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768455849272261,0.3069744611551928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929827510461712,0.10238928616265124,0.09034732868367447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523826050534744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425616961974296,0.0,0.0,0.08406339601308747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678271248531203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167606849418492,0.0,0.0,0.3100891469387921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343701802267365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963946599472549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314656224000887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814376179272767,0.0,0.07688513770404902,0.0,0.2205647959294832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925144253770364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738199520518696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841573843715485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536423390137648,0.0,0.18809287804824665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603303275998027,0.0,0.11357068091776253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849531090656195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399556177648782 bpd,black_hell_fire,2018/02/01,"Invasive Thoughts of Jealousy Does anyone else get jealous over strange/small things? It’s one of the biggest strains on my current (and past) relationship(s). I get the thought in my head like “Well maybe if I looked more like _______, my SO would be happier with me.” and then I can’t stop thinking about it or comparing myself. I’ve been doing a lot of things to try and separate myself from these thoughts but it literally makes me sick at times because I make myself so upset and anxious thinking about it. ",3.72893567251462,6.215351063157897,3.804561403508776,86.58637426900587,75.21052631578948,6.7485380116959055,30.555555555555557,7.793537801064563,2.1244152046783618,401,19,75,6,9,123,70,95,0.183,0.742,0.075,-0.9008,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,2,3,0,5,2,1,2,0,18,15,10,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,4,1,12,3,12,9,2,10,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,7,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992955662733926,0.0,0.13612265963305356,0.19946955538841335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186732702753007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036312302544382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626276229471719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034213572986614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997947292805015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021866210953006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347961904093405,0.0,0.0,0.16550739300498352,0.0,0.0,0.25989677020706303,0.0,0.19557917661333304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191814902708307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584119021287349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090102034229828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275865888892851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586694488917859,0.24948227552874436,0.0,0.4636552911578356,0.1135177032085221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217287956560572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503797032153648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829292960904838,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,letshuglonger,2018/02/01,"I'm spiralling again and it's hurting my relationship After months of wishing my SO would just commit and be a better partner, he has finally come back willing to be a better person and work on the relationship. Suddenly, all the progress I've made with my BPD has disappeared and I'm completely irrational again and splitting at any chance I get. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so confused, I wanted this so much and now I just push him away at any chance I get. I have a lot of self esteem issues that have surfaced in the past few months and it's impacting my presence in the relationship. I feel like such shit. I just want to focus on one thing and not engage in such black and white thinking. 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They slapped her with a BPD diagnosis (which sounds correct with what she was saying) and called her crazy. Everyone else joined in saying her MIL's text of crying for help (sounded very suicidal) was just manipulative and to ignore her. I'm the only one with BPD in that group and it hurt to see how everyone was calling people with BPD horrible. So I went in there and nicely told them how bpd feels and yes, there are shitty people, but not to just demonize anyone with BPD. She had a great conversation with me, asked for some advice, and thanked me for actually shedding some light on the ways of bpd thinking. I even gave her some tips to create healthy boundaries. It made me feel good to help in a way. Just the little things here and there, I guess. 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But it's like I NEED those stuff right fucking NOW even if I know I don't really need it at the moment and that I can't afford it. Impulse no.1 : I want to buy a microwave so I can reheat stuff in my bedroom instead of moving to the kitchen ( I live in a dorm) Impulse no.2 : I really want an animal so i'm obsessing about it even If I know I could be kick out of my dorm if I bring an animal. I'm thinking about rat and rn i'm fantasizing about how nice it will be to have them. Impulse no.3 : thinking about suicide and/or self-harm, I probably have enough pill. Impulse no.4 : thinking about drop out of school and build a mini-house just because I don't want to deal with math classes. Impulse no.5 : taking a membership to a gym even though I know I don't have the motivation( I actually did this one) Etc.. Etc.. Etc... My thoughts are spinning in my heads. Winter suck, my job suck, everything suck. I'm super anxious about seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow. 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My ex is my FP (favourite person). I’m cut off from her. Can you function and feel good without someone who is holding this mantle? Or is it just a matter of changing FP’s? (and I know that is it’s own mountain of challengers).,-0.3028571428571425,1.9232615185185225,1.6222751322751314,97.17166666666668,91.22222222222223,3.085714285714286,24.38095238095239,3.1291,-0.02739365079365097,198,9,43,0,7,65,39,54,0.039,0.8220000000000001,0.139,0.6531,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,0,7,1,0,0,0,10,10,3,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,6,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33144350438544434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584204162361703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.52558399096986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218857599637644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130216702886774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273572739232651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654690034259428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6040449099941965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cherieblosum,2018/02/01,"Has anyone stopped having sex? So... I have BPD and I especially get attached to someone if we have sex. If it doesn't work out then I go into a deep depression and basically cannot cope (at least, this is how it's been for me in the past). Since about a year and a half ago, I decided to stop having sex with men. My mood greatly improved. I no longer have volatile emotions and feel incredibly confident. I recently started dating someone, and I really like him and I am really attracted to him. In any other scenario, I'd want to have sex with him (and he clearly wants to have sex with me). However, I'm really afraid that if we have sex I'm going to break down again. I don't want to hate myself again and have doubts about myself or wonder why this guy isn't texting me back or whatever else. I don't know if I'm over reacting, because this guy has been really respectful to me so far, and hasn't pushed me to do anything. However, even so, I feel afraid of having sex. So has anyone gone through an experience like this before? Did you decide to remain celibate? 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I would like to work but in a stress-free environment and preferably away from other people. My parents want me to go into accounting but it's not what I *really* want to do.,0.11653846153846105,2.488266423076926,2.8296153846153835,86.35288461538461,96.30769230769228,5.676923076923077,18.03846153846154,7.1686216300943375,0.7443000000000004,202,6,39,4,8,70,38,52,0.149,0.738,0.113,-0.4404,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,8,5,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,1,8,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,32,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282249360780817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587466135591335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073251303901896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676737565197942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335748084896305,0.0,0.0,0.4165392494726932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245325465714416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441238544851483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35438457265336537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374107437605113,0.0,0.0,0.2134058785279099,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadboynerd,2018/02/02,"i'm so angry that i'm on the verge of crying? i often get upset over the smallest things. whenever i get upset i either have a crazy angry outburst or i start crying uncontrollably. it sucks because sometimes my partner says (or doesn't say) something and it just flips a switch in me and i turn super passive aggressive and say very stupid things... whenever i sense that feeling coming now, i try to repress it and avoid messaging my partner back until i've managed to rationalize the way i feel but it doesn't always work and i don't know what to do. i'm scared he will get tired of trying to understand me and deal with me",2.180012307692305,4.594484072000004,3.7360000000000007,85.40338461538464,80.28,6.086153846153848,24.01538461538461,7.321109707123232,1.2249323076923078,499,18,94,7,13,165,78,125,0.255,0.705,0.04,-0.9684,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,3,6,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,20,20,11,0,0,5,0,2,0,2,1,1,3,0,2,9,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,0,5,14,1,11,19,1,10,0,0,0,0,8,4,1,3,4,60,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224219978897596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068940371924193,0.0,0.11153425133144626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760883280314614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019586721305177,0.0,0.18862970221092035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850260084551297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867762311407577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055321679841736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365052353060612,0.1831806809577592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085600906112367,0.18095785118154975,0.0,0.1295041324966188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24310869041979846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029226774372628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24844353129349026,0.1990142466626424,0.0,0.19047384681266508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096594385730716,0.0,0.14522973292073166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320127897865494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,afrgraves,2018/02/02,"What is the assessment for bpd like? Hi, I’m going for an assessment on Wednesday to possibly diagnose bpd. My previous mental health team flagged it up but didn’t diagnose as I was under 18, but I was diagnose with emotional dysregulation disorder. I had a talk with one of the mental health nurses and went through the criteria and I do fit the majority of them, however I understand that some of them can overlap with other mental health conditions, and bipolar disorder has also been talked about previously. I was just wondering what the assessment process is like because I’m incredibly anxious about it, and any advice would be greatly appreciated. ",8.497352216748768,9.430658267241382,9.183201970443351,58.73913793103453,61.1551724137931,13.869950738916257,42.43349753694581,13.023866798666859,6.497898029556652,533,30,80,21,7,180,77,116,0.08199999999999999,0.7959999999999999,0.122,0.6124,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,4,3,0,0,7,0,13,7,0,0,0,14,19,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,0,9,3,16,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,3,61,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310734326672689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726628960486162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121519095191996,0.0,0.0,0.1515323619672144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176636748129784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378721964681096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084271921902095,0.0,0.0,0.3074565875783068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508818215201939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762310014712506,0.0,0.0,0.14788235138308128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42773202962575696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106143440529913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40552421955140894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908921429887153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121505452770045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562240680422254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963741512711195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434284111855334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546175810527792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952843928228054,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,delusiongirI,2018/02/02,"BPD and dissociative parts For me at least, BPD seems to involve some degree of dissociative parts. I have the adult me, the detached/protective me, the traumatized/childish me, and the destructive/angry part. Anyone else noticed similar?",8.378461538461536,11.020975564102569,7.633846153846152,63.48615384615386,62.589743589743605,11.353846153846154,38.641025641025635,11.20814326018867,5.421164102564104,193,10,26,6,3,60,29,39,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151644759390082,0.22221511696923665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5462955230936839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117209007291887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246914792055828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7045668024062913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974357879850614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,StringCheesely,2018/02/02,"Approaching my Psychiatrist/Therapist I have been in seeing my psychiatrist for almost two full years now, and have been seeing my therapist for a little over a year. I have made some remarkable progress and am happy right now (YAY!). I HAVE NOT BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BPD. In fact I don't know exactly what my diagnosis is... However, after looking in to the symptoms, I realize that the issues I have been working through, have been eerily similar; abandonment/self worth/impulsive behavior/severe anxiety/ lack of relationships/manipulative behavior/mood swings (like i am two different people)/ and the fact that the smallest, most menial thing may set me off at any moment... my question is, what is the best way to inquire what my diagnosis is? just say ""Hey, what is my diagnosis?"" Part of me believes that they may already have me diagnosed, but I have been making great progress with things and am in a very good place right now... I go back Monday for a visit...and of course, now my anxiety is through the roof wanting to know if this could be the diagnosis...it's a shame because I do really feel like I am making progress, but I can feel the anxiety creeping back in as I want to know what is wrong with me...So what is the best way to approach it with my Doc's? 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Since I was 19, life has been a shitshow in terms of my mental health. I had my fair share of trauma and heartbreak early on in life with my brother developing severe paranoid/violent schizohrenia when I was 6. I pulled out my hair at 6 to the point of balding and had fainting spells in elementary due to the stress at home. My brother even killed my cat in childhood....I loved that cat. He lived in a group home weekdays. Meanwhile, my mom was a doctor shopper and constantly self medicating with all sorts of sleeping pills in my childhood while my dad was at work ALL DAY. She sometimes forgot to pick me up from school when I was only 7 and 8...so I would wait for *HOURS* until needing to try and find my way home or get help from an adult I didn't know. She was bed ridden throughout basically my whole life. Falling asleep at the wheel sort of thing and passing out in a bowl of cereal even in my teens. She ended up overdosing on fentanyl but I found her naked in her bathroom barely breathing when I was 22. Now she has the mind of a 3 year old and walks in circles all day. I know I shouldn't dwell on childhood trauma, but so much of this still haunts me big time??? I seriously want to kick the bucket because ON TOP of this, I am an alcoholic and have done unspeakable things to myself and lied to others. Like, I have lead a very secret life. I want to be a good person but I also want to destroy myself. Feeling utterly alone and kind of having bad thoughts in my head",3.4994169807138107,4.773058579250723,4.271484149855908,88.20911494125473,72.71757925072045,6.837020616271339,25.738084681888715,7.1686216300943375,1.0405979605408997,1345,43,281,13,26,431,199,347,0.116,0.805,0.08,-0.9375,0,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,3,9,15,2,2,16,0,27,17,6,2,3,50,44,25,1,8,6,4,3,2,0,3,10,0,4,4,8,16,1,2,10,0,0,6,3,9,0,0,16,3,45,6,54,23,8,58,1,1,0,1,20,28,0,3,25,184,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497896195136915,0.0,0.11142882732582296,0.0,0.08603816670634623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983157163739881,0.06558470869313471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626451743913613,0.0,0.08590034533026693,0.0,0.0,0.20815627673095854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012098181673667,0.0,0.1100999826585776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058224996551976,0.0,0.0,0.1421218540399441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879955457917546,0.07686096192991501,0.0,0.0,0.09833357657087674,0.0,0.0,0.11796480121021988,0.0,0.0,0.05621034302604658,0.0,0.0,0.09023979590202927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104164323430852,0.11436112192112458,0.0,0.0,0.07211403725225808,0.0,0.32375891704417603,0.0,0.10595260899898562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903029492322965,0.11203645266038446,0.1773828224018162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039706342426557,0.10512422480235503,0.0,0.09500226562131167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710246303480552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838369443588428,0.10842350233781724,0.0,0.1086333136141643,0.1260058853450346,0.0,0.0,0.07908963459022687,0.07977521476690658,0.08297857725146872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257912306337539,0.0,0.0,0.08182560006406021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458804367464529,0.09394178124473816,0.0,0.0,0.10170553241945336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888490359428722,0.0,0.0,0.11223785501070953,0.1215439320999008,0.0,0.08899799018064303,0.0,0.10766580135045332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064073844025656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591999764131425,0.0,0.12324180792239214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295350936252346,0.0,0.0,0.1708258713697672,0.12547097554779646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460905186708619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887714521079507,0.19037475111518315,0.08539842795808933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011827425922607,0.1237210082511736,0.0,0.0,0.07832541999504157,0.0,0.0,0.07642750116929514,0.0,0.0,0.06928321060162589 bpd,DoctorSquidMD,2018/02/02,"Does anybody here deal with hypersexuality? I do, and it's low-key ruining my life lately. Please delete if this isn't appropriate for this sub.",3.305555555555556,6.173302518518517,5.401481481481483,72.36666666666669,79.37037037037038,8.044444444444443,23.814814814814817,8.841846274778883,2.036837037037037,116,4,22,3,3,40,26,27,0.079,0.83,0.091,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703195066210041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992214349424333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5146105583104174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32222572784761777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5007677716894261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,abbs0912,2018/02/02,"What do you call your ""personalities""? Like the separate parts of yourself that aren't you but are at the same time? I hate calling them personalities because then it sounds like multiple personality disorder and it's very different from that. If I try to explain it to people and I call them personalities it takes another 10 minutes to explain what I mean because people automatically think mpd. ",6.203904761904759,8.878453771428575,7.502857142857145,62.05047619047619,68.42857142857143,10.380952380952381,35.95238095238096,10.504223727775694,4.607380952380952,324,17,51,10,6,110,48,70,0.121,0.8109999999999999,0.068,-0.7149,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,8,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,6,9,2,3,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,1,4,35,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766327131861738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536902104971733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160135952301346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599260452557253,0.1930563272872732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663078066218414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645906459483138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18348956372360048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241307654672587,0.0,0.23356166119678035,0.5883301773944785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665214601771935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793485882654094,0.0,0.0,0.09822354910109292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436532768811765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898747573822862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EvilWindBear,2018/02/02,"Is it possible to fix what I've done? I have utterly destroyed my relationship with the best friend I've ever had. A friendship that I not only believed but KNEW was unbreakable and invincible. But it seems I was wrong. I verbally harassed, insulted, and threatened him, said things behind his back I, slandered him publicly and all the while I believed 100 percent that I was not only justified but obligated in doing so. I didn't even perceive what I was doing was wrong until he told me he wanted to cut ties with me. As soon as he said that I flipped the other way and apologized desperately but in his mind he thought I was manipulating him. This all happened a couple months ago and I was just recently diagnosed with BPD. I had no idea what that even was until practically last week. This is a kinda half vent or rant I suppose but I'm just wondering if there's any hope that i could somehow tell him that I wasn't manipulating him on purpose and tell him my situation and in doing so start to not fix but at least mend what I've done? He has his own mental illnesses as well so I can't help but think he'd understand at least in some part right? Has anyone here ever successfully ""fixed"" a relationship that they destroyed because of Bpd? And if not, how the hell do I live with the fact that I said those things to the person I loved more than the world itself? Is it even possible? ",4.792424126008452,5.881520401459856,5.796254321936227,79.19179216288899,69.43795620437956,9.126085286208221,29.384556281213985,9.414487439383343,2.51149197080292,1106,41,217,23,19,366,145,274,0.189,0.698,0.113,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,17,14,6,0,11,0,27,3,0,3,5,51,43,28,0,5,16,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,22,12,0,0,8,0,0,0,8,8,1,1,20,3,35,6,23,21,10,23,1,0,0,1,31,9,1,9,13,168,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839962885932932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548750879531459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761758779586701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535633485929017,0.0,0.06766788864871062,0.0,0.0,0.2501302462547504,0.11649336550554665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796149428226553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862881483382658,0.1228254129761366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266818951591573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271942199705303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995414751449388,0.2008215594542592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576253105572877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816174796559232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440460955048167,0.0,0.0,0.110253453251159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531163520542402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048425296253228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801984120287907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018674759841648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186737929151823,0.0,0.11208385484455492,0.0,0.08860348674198985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884928527031348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202080789862105,0.0,0.0,0.09692567245321768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502839195866091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096044846419534,0.2383566095189066,0.0,0.09479804307506756,0.3167747931165387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105518759508778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12477477055789722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857022495526741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940473025028531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147494169696575,0.07112780662883456,0.0,0.0881259235003539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607045924854457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556058253629067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547388721489539,0.08811095496179024,0.0890418718284909,0.0,0.0998072258187294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038066937931426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24273405525677666,0.0,0.0 bpd,asitype,2018/02/02,"Found some reminders of who I used to be when I was at my worst :/ Ugghhhh. So I reactivated my facebook (which has been deactivated for 8 years, since before the diagnosis and therapy and everything) and made the mistake of going through some old messages. I had completely forgotten how horrible I used to be! There are so many things I've blacked out, so many things I spoke about that I have no memory of. I cant relate to that irrational, cruel person at all. It freaks me out that those messages are still sitting in my exes inboxes, and no matter how much I've changed, there's proof of that horrible person I used to be :( I wish I could delete them! Can anyone relate or offer comfort? I just want to hide under a rock right now",4.790559440559441,5.937384314685318,5.9953916083916114,77.54847202797205,69.4895104895105,9.356363636363636,29.68461538461539,9.642632912329526,2.732183776223777,579,22,111,13,10,194,94,143,0.233,0.7170000000000001,0.05,-0.9803,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,12,5,1,0,3,0,13,0,0,6,2,24,22,11,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,10,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,2,17,1,18,12,5,14,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,3,5,84,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276115954949098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529813768090486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19306587290440144,0.0,0.19135280433337776,0.0,0.0,0.14571522755271427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402354097591632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20010708671157426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372168032171088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269044897546468,0.0,0.3700624319504114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416202294724952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915080808156665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187122933709814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155858096987249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509698516466526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145748564333436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087101375240943,0.0,0.2424961513964899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4728766342787929,0.0,0.0,0.10764605610677684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098715063491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752710375707134 bpd,pitaspita,2018/02/02,"Guys, I really need help. Boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me and I freaked out It all started as a misunderstanding. We have a group of friends that we go out with Thursday's, Friday's and Saturday's, and a couple weeks ago I got really drunk. This one couple that I became close to told my BF that that night I had told them I slept with someone else, but the truth is I've only been faithful to him. It was dragged out over three days but he officially broke up with me and ran away because apparently looking at me makes him not want to go through with it. I knew it was the real deal this time and spammed his phone with texts and calls. I even ran outside to try and find him. Long story short, the police are in my room with me to make sure I don't hurt myself, but at this point all I want to do is go to sleep and try to talk to him in the morning. Has anyone else been through something similar? Is there any advice to help me get through this?",3.388493635077797,4.12526325247525,4.056944837340875,91.6751485148515,72.4158415841584,7.157567185289958,25.319660537482317,7.1686216300943375,0.7876551626591235,755,22,175,7,14,240,116,202,0.073,0.82,0.107,0.8972,1,0,1,0,0,2,16.0,2,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,8,0,13,3,2,2,4,38,31,13,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,12,22,1,0,2,1,0,5,2,4,0,3,12,1,26,4,34,19,2,30,1,3,1,0,21,15,0,0,10,113,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250667555886418,0.12927247816781492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917168840784543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197007895348746,0.14942351528102654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701524608608126,0.0,0.0,0.0888986651617153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891216986470854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227236871006769,0.0,0.09405045533300196,0.1503477948363186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436501255065744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963215615820957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328905276731573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267049532643747,0.0,0.0761919136772922,0.0,0.24864138459929666,0.0,0.1166362633794216,0.0,0.0,0.14439795831974764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954980598036576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611763243605276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905793809504967,0.12246329674888493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194689805864882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813359161126414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685473315820934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882046169206067,0.11091284487953773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378596665566559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659902953000353,0.18684917460197856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593868318307582,0.0,0.1235641361307349,0.11226964843587836,0.0,0.0,0.1032216056901024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744621977053542,0.0,0.0,0.11721533397112267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503660735101294,0.0,0.0,0.27870005784391816,0.0,0.1980225629024064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203259308324242,0.0,0.1169787281253412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939119051274718 bpd,Fritochipteeth,2018/02/02,"Of all the 9 criteria for BPD, What’s the main symptom you show? What’s a symptom you don’t relate to (if you have one)? For me, it’s lack of a self identity. This one is very extreme. I’m a chameleon who changes and takes the form of whoever I talk to. Hence why I keep people at a distance because I’m scared they’ll find out I don’t know what to talk about or that I have truly few (to none) stable opinions... The sign of BPD I show least is actually unstable relationships. My relationships are very stable and long lasting with practically no arguments. However, it’s only because I let so few people in. I (nicely) push out anyone who doesn’t match my strict standards. What about you? ",1.899897225077084,4.14637097841727,3.64761048304214,86.59491007194248,80.22302158273381,6.849126413155191,25.03648509763617,7.957251820313856,1.525344912641316,542,21,111,10,14,181,86,139,0.102,0.8420000000000001,0.056,-0.7041,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,4,1,0,4,2,0,1,8,0,10,2,0,0,1,15,15,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,2,2,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,0,15,1,17,13,8,7,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,3,2,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.16073509878253445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517042200722345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008137462995156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148978585769144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424339826924126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505437341394724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464035451791837,0.0,0.0,0.09052137763381593,0.13426221935820204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842912380580818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576488854705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22322615404102406,0.12527085672479213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283810476240677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536779753926493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490539163395382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183048145246824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423975568152883,0.1238428843293476,0.2647784451619301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718092100653283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862691147095647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HashtageLizardTruth,2018/02/02,"Finding a therapist? Hey guys, I’m looking to finally seek help. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with BPD, but I’m aware that I have it. I’ve done tons of research, and I have no doubt that I have this disorder. I’m in an okay place right - enough distance from my FP that I can breathe, but not well enough to not have an FP. I’m not empty, but I’m not full. I’ve been way worse. However, upon reflection, I realize how lucky I’ve been. Most of my past FPs are still in my life, but our relationships have adjusted. I just keep thinking of how much more rewarding those friendships could have been if I had dealt with my BPD sooner. But this isn’t about them; it’s about me. I want to heal for me. How do you find a therapist that is a good fit? My insurance is great, and has a wide network but I’m not sure where to start. I’d like to start seeing someone soon, but I’d like for it to be the right person who can help me heal, grow, and put this behind me. For those of you who got help, where did you start? And was it helpful? Do you feel better?",1.0509587871022852,2.849357358744399,2.6796796925048056,94.76428998505232,80.79372197309416,6.57945761264147,20.932948964339094,7.62386473244151,0.5214913089899631,813,23,194,13,21,267,118,223,0.077,0.7020000000000001,0.222,0.989,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,4,1,2,11,11,0,1,7,1,26,5,1,3,1,37,42,15,0,3,14,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,15,6,0,1,7,0,0,2,8,1,1,0,9,3,24,10,22,31,7,21,0,0,2,0,16,11,0,4,9,128,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582920140054928,0.0,0.0,0.3298953729839136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456607086721996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329282120210199,0.0,0.0,0.15009892304808253,0.0,0.0,0.1340241712055145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706467497601259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622058322761737,0.0,0.0,0.14346736823027767,0.2394019650748602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984846285606588,0.10474585148702313,0.1443909974754743,0.0,0.12967739756877528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511362614829444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640901765247486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092505492147806,0.1279672054667683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997885153557764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627542594418688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502231646685566,0.0,0.11435487153471305,0.13683208820401593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165747730814806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406089778440297,0.0,0.22368930260089545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436332171210758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109674665259878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780962283924243,0.0,0.10458999352948373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343434971595055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041243359230344,0.0,0.08391802691399604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724741827250635,0.1039550893012341,0.0,0.0,0.11775458655956945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346602350936534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bunniebud,2018/02/03,"Ever been attracted to someone you hate? I find I have this strange attraction towards people I hate. A lot of times I’ll find them to be really annoying at first, like I just wish they’d disappear. Yet, at the same time, I find myself being attracted to them. The first time I can clearly recall this happening I was around 12 or 13. I didn’t have any initial attraction towards this guy at first. Then he like pushed me out of a seat or something and we just ended up sitting together on this small bench but I found myself strangly liking that he pushed me. I would ask him to play this game with me where we’d hit each other on the back of the hand until one of us tapped out from the pain. I’d always ask him to stop being so soft and hit me harder and I he did. I didn’t like him as a person, but I wanted him so bad. There was this other guy who would literally talk such disrespectful shit about me from across the room so I could hear him. I literally hated him but at the same time I was so attracted to him. Now that I’m in college, if I feel this vibe, I will steer clear from it despite the fact we may have an unspoken, intense attraction towards each other. ",2.872644682245032,4.2880953734439835,4.290452063769384,86.89413627429572,74.51867219917013,7.729285870277352,23.88753002839048,8.371475516178862,1.3240987551867225,919,27,196,16,19,305,130,241,0.129,0.7120000000000001,0.159,0.4435,0,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,4,1,3,3,17,18,5,0,12,0,21,3,2,0,4,38,35,16,0,6,8,0,3,4,0,4,1,1,1,3,14,11,0,1,5,2,0,3,2,7,0,4,8,4,40,11,32,15,5,37,0,0,0,0,27,18,1,5,19,149,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062950558641522,0.0,0.0,0.08687178346986223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372118457386855,0.2388508689497441,0.0,0.0,0.09822892764660357,0.10666272491151003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199493047666428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314519901278168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555373403760613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459230729823982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502730844901885,0.32598250809774404,0.0,0.14006709346592694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25297760621066423,0.11296552569263504,0.0,0.0,0.3783687181626708,0.0,0.0,0.14397922994305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24964132469794606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860523457282173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656411813016364,0.0,0.1359309430256226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856311694366742,0.11154303757536824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183747447553523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112961871252024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082389243434581,0.09834525100600808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680152714904832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267754109630957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979593010629629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366292639322482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534800715818044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690180332296046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149444308510354,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lafb,2018/02/03,"Wanting to get pregnant impulsively without telling my partner? Help! Guys I’m really struggling. Recently I’d had loads of pregnancy symptoms and was worried I was pregnant. I have a coil but I know there’s a tiny tiny chance I could have been. Took a test and obviously wasn’t. However ever since this happened I’ve just been fixated on the idea of getting pregnant, almost to the point of obsession. I know it’s just some weird impulsive and must be a BPD thing because I know that I am not in the place to have a baby right now. I’m only 21, not finished uni, I’m not even in a proper relationship as we’ve only been seeing each other for a month, I struggle to even look after myself and I’m always broke. I know I can’t take responsibility for another human life. I know this idea stuck in my head is completely ridiculous and crazy. Yet this urge won’t pass and I don’t know what to do- do I just ride it out? Do I talk to someone about it? I’ve tried googling but not found anyone in a similar situation. Please help I’m so worried I’ll do something stupid and regret it. ",1.917590909090908,4.145160304545456,3.8109090909090932,85.55136363636366,80.04545454545455,6.727272727272728,25.45454545454545,7.84624498591911,1.549363636363636,857,34,173,15,22,289,128,220,0.173,0.7759999999999999,0.051,-0.9781,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,11,8,2,3,11,0,22,3,1,0,3,36,43,11,0,4,10,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,11,9,0,0,9,0,0,3,9,8,0,0,10,2,17,0,21,29,2,19,0,2,2,0,8,9,0,2,7,107,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272843507348786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576740331294712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328806120125536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887969664300747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748632219011656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009316960667525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327455969013235,0.0,0.0,0.10148862390540872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791261243413275,0.11498012106877585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937179528289922,0.0,0.0,0.1328215932318122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258609080530664,0.11240476068484276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045362893431756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040104732655356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869880510120765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191447305782767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978299580267116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674210294480936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014596207737356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933488746478824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280503152464193,0.1395308532438687,0.12016196779106915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143123025429519,0.0,0.12550780850482335,0.1364707648646115,0.0,0.10855299101824714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129184178880353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514839630799504,0.1428792632032464,0.0,0.0,0.1077016223579122,0.09785706157734317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657702146730589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211808401266886,0.09557243777310392,0.10216784602093207,0.11110152911609716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444759384767879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412261579044748,0.08630073399896494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497397689043173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253147437900914,0.0,0.0,0.2581769016251053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,litamser,2018/02/03,"I took too many pills, and my boyfriend broke up with me. I’ve had depression, anxiety, pmdd, and bpd since I was a 12. I’ve been doing dbt for a year trying to change. But then I was going through really bad pmdd, and my mood swings were out of control and I tried to kill my self. Two days later out of the hospital, my bf of 1 year broke up with me. How does one handle this kind of abandonment in such a time of crisis? How do I cope when the sadness feels like the biggest wave of my life?",2.133357142857143,3.168389228571428,3.4639880952380966,93.60455357142858,75.76190476190476,7.154761904761906,21.69642857142857,7.6454224807358475,0.5186428571428574,379,9,91,5,8,124,72,105,0.261,0.718,0.021,-0.9818,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,1,0,6,0,7,2,0,3,0,14,10,9,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,2,6,1,12,2,17,4,0,15,0,5,0,0,2,6,0,0,8,56,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669141111660791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217883589803488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748016105533312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308152017795797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24471769737189966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407139586840151,0.0,0.18792600489123654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909388053833652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032299579186587,0.15587438041177026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400192852429785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413939795381015,0.2272104356161207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411345722927247,0.10659620303917304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212095633907574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478506224604376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977756376613346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276188804986999,0.0,0.0,0.18048832891201733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272278545707421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24241618639793955,0.29627223638729616,0.0,0.21313910644144896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810133324980771 bpd,norwegirl,2018/02/03,"Not sure what I should do, I think I need someone else's perspective So I've made another self destructive, catastrophic entry to the world of dating again, and here I am. I have been seeing this girl for a few weeks, and we've made plans to have a movienight tomorrow, but I'm just feeling really bad about it :( We met on tinder, had a really fun first date, she sent me loads of cute texts after that, our second date was nice but not like the best ever? we still texted a lot after and arranged a new date, but these past few days she just seems more and more disinterested. Shorter, less frequent texts even tho they are still very sweet. The last text I got today I got like a day and a half after sending mine. She said sorry for being distant the last few days and that she's been busy, but she's looking forward to seeing me tomorrow. And I mean that's okay of course, I know people are busy and can't always respond right away, but at the same time I feel like if you are seeing someone new and you're really into them you'd show more interest, right? I just get the feeling that she's not that interested anymore - why else would you stop communicating as frequently etc? :-\ I'm scared that if I go tomorrow I'll just disappoint and end up disappointed, because I can't get this gnawing feeling that she doesn't like me to go away. I'm scared and I just want to text her and tell her that it's not gonna work for me bye bye. But I don't know if that is the right thing to do... I mean I can't read her thoughts, I don't know what's been happening in her life, but at the same time all of this still just makes me feel bad and unwanted, why should I feel like that? I guess it's not reasonable to expect constant validation either, though... I just think I want to know if what's happening is ""normal"" or if I am right to expect to be hurt",4.395610236220474,4.6665179868766415,5.188651574803148,86.13762303149609,69.91863517060368,8.659711286089241,25.84875328083989,8.59863814320734,1.4351792650918638,1447,38,321,22,24,471,178,381,0.17800000000000002,0.742,0.08,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,3,3,2,4,18,22,1,2,15,1,28,1,0,4,3,80,70,30,0,15,26,0,6,5,0,4,1,1,0,2,21,16,0,1,17,2,0,5,11,8,0,3,13,12,48,14,30,50,14,51,0,3,4,0,29,14,0,9,41,206,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230799330150306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911225191753472,0.0,0.0,0.08618172565335229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632913448122581,0.0,0.14511620574861714,0.05297360330671181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119648115801232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390832936811963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681304720120254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145188064081015,0.0,0.07696785354503563,0.0,0.09691678178422608,0.057396814494919665,0.0786062772047778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636363517839713,0.1862447293666399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073917332655821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080361787160557,0.0,0.09877486198796943,0.0,0.1390041827107097,0.0,0.09573045419478222,0.0,0.15369125889586316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302854564583578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910324821050316,0.1416706511067619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061380236781266674,0.2122754333125704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297434770034501,0.0,0.0,0.07387950935400166,0.0,0.16445428970380413,0.05800661081348004,0.0,0.0,0.1893197583536713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443545553496093,0.0,0.1678576613263789,0.0,0.0,0.08514382243440446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295614897563745,0.06024571147417415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692379513384348,0.0,0.1670116312018778,0.08934795970841718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968494527252784,0.08266206499233406,0.0,0.1740046776783048,0.0,0.2077448132830869,0.07911074996795436,0.09065594291426564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726064825425525,0.0,0.0,0.09727774735644712,0.0,0.0,0.2081960244327976,0.07265252411695769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190248423737959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595467385488991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773268378536942,0.1113643794028494,0.08537908259049136,0.06898911441999503,0.1013445026686665,0.0,0.08237130320981492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170183084795191,0.102512071753146,0.0,0.06970616181652406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156827970077728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632644378594801,0.0,0.0,0.06173146468651309,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PolythenexPam,2018/02/03,"Nightmares Ever since I was 15 years old I have had periods of intense/terrifying nightmares. Once they start, they last for about a month. Every time I go to sleep I have a nightmare, and I will wake up multiple times throughout the night, only to go back to sleep to another one. After a while it will turn into insomnia, because I am just too scared to sleep. The nightmares are often about demonic possession, or extreme acts of violence (think “Saw”). Does anyone else have experience with this? Is there anything that can help? Weed isn’t an option, because I am on methadone. Thanks for the advice in advance. ",3.9635317779565575,6.607581008849557,4.393354786806114,81.86127916331456,75.19469026548674,7.2949316170555125,28.85679806918745,8.296473431620573,2.3633079646017703,486,21,84,9,11,153,84,113,0.067,0.882,0.051,-0.4137,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,8,2,0,1,7,0,13,5,4,0,1,9,20,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,1,3,1,9,1,17,15,0,21,1,0,1,0,3,4,0,3,13,59,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033999370652098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278597124874527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188609789031095,0.1786077778655548,0.14344756560797964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340385714327956,0.0,0.2125233502890844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254547880532418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561900585576235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576791868261984,0.14686910683646714,0.0,0.0,0.1705149130091681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981360836687269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684062569699286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209115262804048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913770789759194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358415697689713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829157655662646,0.1856413042705356,0.11812132138152365,0.13257549672435412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452115184639608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419634865409714,0.0,0.5233269447368735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338206329405425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604871446105852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169492698337724,0.0,0.0,0.20329061925260014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960621491202045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225406294579654 bpd,pumilu,2018/02/03,"happy endings my fp and boyfriend of 7 months recently snapped. i've been pushing him and pushing him and pushing him this whole time without really realizing it or intending to. he thought he could help me (diagnosed, previously hospitalised and medicated for a few years, now receiving no treatment because i'm terrified of going back on anti-psychotics) and i wanted him to be able to but things have been so bad lately, he told me that if i didn't get help he'd have to cut me out of his life completely. he sent me links to this subreddit, one about dealing with loved ones with bpd, and one on long distance relationships (i live in hawaii, he lives in massachusetts). i looked over the one about pwbpd first. he warned me that it would be harsh and it really, really was. there's a lot of people saying people with bpd are crazy, they're all the same, run away as soon as you meet one, they will ruin your life, etc. if someone says they want to be with someone with bpd or they encouraging giving someone with bpd a chance, they get flamed. i think it's more so a support group for people who have been abused by people with bpd, rather than a place for advice on how to have a healthy relationship with someone that has bpd. i did get some amount of perspective from it, though. so idk, i was wondering if anyone here has any positive experiences or happy endings with a loved one. i want to find the motivation to change and get better but it's hard when it feels like i'm seen as a bad person who just can't change. but people with all kinds of mental illnesses are able to live normal happy lives with good fulfilling relationships, so why would this be the one thing that's hopeless?",7.5596502869440485,6.8125360518292695,7.332266857962698,76.85878766140605,63.48170731707317,10.888378766140605,32.70875179340028,10.194018383442646,2.992744763271162,1347,44,264,26,17,428,175,328,0.131,0.69,0.179,0.9625,0,0,0,0,1,1,34.0,0,2,4,3,19,16,1,0,12,0,25,7,0,3,2,54,47,27,0,11,12,0,2,1,0,3,5,2,0,1,18,20,0,0,8,0,0,7,4,5,0,8,11,6,26,11,47,27,10,29,0,2,2,2,38,9,0,9,14,176,44,1,0.13718330018132754,0.0812698891678109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702696661867097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664467416955631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047960876578693815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444411315922742,0.05274274500983734,0.11454232550113187,0.04181283325058987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606637404638715,0.0,0.0,0.5183326927478924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512174173537595,0.0,0.0719170401093069,0.0,0.0,0.054764851244029585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707149793942259,0.0,0.06961908099913218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150368579992905,0.0,0.07649782123494347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709579549440574,0.0,0.0,0.034681999234325474,0.04900188853002994,0.0,0.0,0.06269152554035168,0.05834402252705793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433452246256646,0.06579936090584318,0.03898221544172087,0.05753142178725242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905126093418714,0.06144464570812538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195107441168306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714276484019305,0.0,0.0,0.07737436894425223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689662191024302,0.033510415536224775,0.0,0.24227073474936184,0.06070145187688598,0.05759971082764712,0.0,0.0,0.0583141680464631,0.12381328440728125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690988712587649,0.06912425036311322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474920069985461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720525370258358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32535634087103515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377640683934395,0.05989158315588889,0.07166367535620972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182470231297908,0.0,0.06772597950620644,0.22092528746675855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909366643868466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324699301340068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783699167505682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113848896591233,0.04395075976865621,0.06739094795524775,0.05445410841032276,0.03999634276730441,0.0,0.0,0.06554226109221734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137139711554365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061893295458133435,0.07658012777718391,0.0,0.06611990298865837,0.07438471859942634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745108046764916,0.0,0.0,0.04417077379280223 bpd,thisisathrowaway7482,2018/02/03,"I want to write a character with BPD Hi guys, I’m a writer, and I want to write a character that canonically has BPD. However, I don’t have BPD myself. I want this character to portray the disorder in an accurate light, with the goods and the bads. That said, I would really appreciate it if you all could answer a few questions for me. What is BPD like for you? What are the common misconceptions? How much does the BPD affect you? Would you say that your BPD defines you? How does BPD make YOU act? Thanks!",2.2216000000000022,4.524677960000002,3.7680000000000007,85.85900000000002,79.4,8.0,22.0,8.841846274778883,1.6070000000000002,396,12,82,10,10,131,61,100,0.027000000000000003,0.835,0.138,0.8336,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,7,0,0,2,4,0,0,10,0,8,0,0,4,1,20,15,5,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,14,3,8,11,3,3,0,0,0,0,14,1,0,2,2,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541976990638718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9019402917666992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168161370490601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724952604850468,0.0,0.17905426546007944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858079454900861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129728511957266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04998068569060885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828887680980497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520539010434976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114604165924641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655387179093687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731476281654756,0.08135644046570811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941880022242617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810250799338631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453479983797457,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdaccnt,2018/02/03,"Advice with my marriage I just made this account to post here, because my husband knows my other account. I am extremely uncomfortable posting on here, but I don't know where else to go. How do you know it is time to end a relationship versus just stupid BPD craziness? I do not know what to do, and am very confused. I idealized him at first, but ended up splitting. We've managed to come back from that for the most part, but I still don't love him the same way. We are great friends, but I do not think he is the right partner for me. We are opposites in most every way. I try to work on it, and we started marriage counseling in November. The more counseling we do, though, the less I want to put in any effort. He has a lot of his own issues that are only just now being worked on. I feel like I am stuck and have to take care of him. I want to leave. I also feel incredibly selfish for wanting to leave, as it would fuck up so many lives, my own included. I've caused so much damage throughout my life because of my BPD, and now I want to cause more just because I'm unhappy? What if I will just never be happy? And I'm terrified of being alone. With my husband, I have a stable, beautiful house, I was able to quit my job and go back to school, my family loves him. He'll eventually be transferred, which means I'll get to see new places just like I want. My life is exactly what I want, except for him. I want nothing to do with him. We've never had a great sex life and opened our relationship up because of it. That solves the sex issue, but it makes me disappointed with him even more and shows me that we are incompatible. Am I supposed to keep working on this because it is just my BPD being stupid? How do I get the courage to leave, if I should? I'm terrified of being alone. I know he will never leave me, as he is incredibly codependent and loves me more than anything. If I leave, I'll lose my entire life. Everything will change and that is terrifying. I don't know what I'll do. Should I stay and just resolve myself to being unhappy? What if I switch and decide I can be happy with him? I don't trust my emotions or my brain anymore.",2.9233893557422945,4.224191925170068,4.345626917433641,87.00862845138056,74.19274376417232,7.4558089902627716,25.4422435640923,8.027739517013583,1.3313921035080698,1673,55,361,25,34,556,190,441,0.18600000000000005,0.685,0.129,-0.9851,1,2,0,0,0,0,55.0,6,1,0,9,23,23,3,1,11,0,46,11,1,6,4,85,84,30,0,15,22,2,2,2,2,7,4,0,0,1,20,24,0,1,12,1,2,4,9,8,0,1,4,3,66,15,49,65,13,38,0,3,1,6,32,15,1,9,16,256,86,7,0.07261995257970315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096337718913924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042473968155992,0.0,0.058074149841122386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938405799848141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201947939570354,0.0,0.0,0.05976003335212735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168052194327073,0.0,0.22134224529278168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743868642765401,0.08106788393922429,0.0,0.0,0.07404088152113712,0.14920139077188674,0.07682228076724304,0.06255565893736767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060664651991556025,0.08168767227376987,0.12863944648345765,0.0,0.0,0.04796479378380946,0.0,0.06118544212127217,0.0,0.06526613081706358,0.0,0.06845962828187424,0.0,0.07343766001946153,0.05187970863309256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061770494566375525,0.0,0.0,0.056105995221497534,0.06713597597760952,0.07588185588977073,0.0,0.08254318515701843,0.0,0.0,0.1601275081801531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546105797672504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837936751355068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159272647441252,0.07206409749284888,0.06454795053810894,0.0,0.0,0.2394601605718416,0.0,0.0,0.3844702214425876,0.0,0.0,0.2051744805367512,0.07095688130990233,0.0,0.06412474858708504,0.0,0.0,0.08124315147221739,0.0,0.06173888676918414,0.19662702742628504,0.06871475500791087,0.0484743822501252,0.07362523376355645,0.0,0.07910441762790021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053384020904918505,0.0,0.16802695292260908,0.07013680272504436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968080307117704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523074631725594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864033188110077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587239407677629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909968112472398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730031101080928,0.0,0.07724025853516593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559333036240518,0.0,0.062017042714386815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349526900489363,0.05786870006906765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140077620875854,0.07740320705781753,0.05799438793716787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460116667532768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653193334790719,0.07134873469792005,0.0,0.04234527834341376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930418090273608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991906625494017,0.29983190684721345,0.11528467635441984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860457113245438,0.0,0.0,0.05158713074439343,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cilbosby,2018/02/03,"Horrible nightmares I get horrible nightmares--sometimes more than one a night--every single night. does this happen to anyone else? if so, any tips on how to stop them?",3.3580000000000005,6.517559800000001,3.4616666666666696,83.6025,84.33333333333334,5.666666666666668,24.16666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.5416666666666674,134,5,21,2,4,41,26,30,0.294,0.706,0.0,-0.8611,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608403431929956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21189923846178815,0.3105099988279454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26520063689894025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531589490555968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553322522492889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583308422515676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679856490089812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5687828044017413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20535416655449992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29972367872648903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533629299089257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skydiver89,2018/02/03,"Want to contact my ex...because I am bored and know he will tell me he misses me. So my ex and I dated for 6 months and then he moved about 16 hours away. I knew he was going to move and didn't care. He always held me when I was upset and would always validate me. Shortly after he moved, I was sexually assaulted. I told him and said I needed to be with him, so he flew me down to him. We spent a night together. I was messed up because I wasn't sleeping at the time. I was slurring my words, stumbling, couldn't think straight. I think this scared him away. He was supposed to go to work the next day, then come pick me up and take me back to the airport..but he lied and told me he couldn't leave work. So I had to get a taxi back to the airport. I was so upset. I sent him an email saying we couldn't be in contact anymore and I needed time to work on myself. He never answered and I haven't contacted him at all since July. But last night I had a dream about him and I texting. I want his attention. He would always tell me how much he wants me and how beautiful I am. I am so bored today. I keep going to text him and then erase it. This is bad. I need to be alone and work on myself. Please reassure me contacting him will bring nothing good to my life...",0.2427619047619061,2.1676857259259283,2.2433068783068784,96.1541666666667,84.33333333333333,5.190476190476192,18.9021164021164,6.367922702773337,-0.17812169312169335,966,25,228,9,28,322,127,270,0.131,0.805,0.064,-0.9513,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,0,4,12,12,1,3,8,0,26,2,1,3,2,44,53,26,0,11,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,3,18,0,2,6,1,1,10,7,9,0,0,19,2,52,3,28,24,2,41,0,1,0,0,39,12,0,0,19,148,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616554416412925,0.0,0.0,0.2799821949120034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123412321842664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075894491145852,0.1724906239696739,0.09365021290104758,0.13674528498637992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435617984784298,0.0,0.0,0.09661724762015066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233492366963454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058599782856728025,0.0,0.19123198832394525,0.09407579032997572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045653782200457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969434302910624,0.0,0.0,0.061641056999322236,0.0914266368083064,0.0,0.11876289121943268,0.0,0.0,0.07922302285714376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952628260813339,0.35762994567463285,0.08245164792994908,0.24949911409667264,0.08650590526450118,0.0,0.11928508550912065,0.2105120414734158,0.0,0.10762203642422638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311970520688405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669132293580637,0.08919536986384767,0.11229328265776196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278119681380098,0.0,0.11224255609521264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843315302025854,0.0,0.19606828446609534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437371903002538,0.0,0.0,0.13080460865566482,0.0,0.1063160388288945,0.21435034354149016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19846737230519973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32661978965292043,0.0,0.0,0.15935270029317292,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,holdtheborderline,2018/02/03,"My SO has been protecting me from emptiness, and I didn't know. A feeling of emptiness was a symptom I thought I had never experienced until now. But the truth is, my SO made it disappear long before I was diagnosed or started to try and understand the mess that is my emotions and thought-processes. I'm currently overseas for study/holiday. My boyfriend of 9 years has not come with me. He has been my favourite person - my true favourite person for the entire time I've known him. Today is 28 days that we've been apart, the longest ever since we started dating. And the emptiness is back full throttle. My symptoms are at peak, and I'm having to work so hard to maintain control of my impulses and reactions - and I haven't even been doing that well. I've been isolating myself to stop from screaming at people, have felt overwhelmingly vulnerable and sensitive, punishing myself by walking in the freezing cold weather without gloves or a beanie, crying pathetically, endured a few particularly strong suicidal days, once even had a good friend stay on a video call with me so I could feel some semblance of comfort while trying to sleep, gave into my binge drinking urges, and even have been flirting a little with people in a sick desperation to fill this emptiness. I regret the last of these the most. It makes me feel sick, but the compulsion is so strong. I never realised how much his presence in my life gave it meaning, or how valued he is to me as the ONLY person in my life that I feel truly comfortable with. No matter how much fun I'm having, no matter how happy I am, it just doesn't compare to the feeling of complete and utter acceptance and belonging that I feel with him. Between every happy moment is a painful feeling that I'm not complete. That it would be more, mean more, if he were here too. Constantly trying to fight the impression that it means nothing without him. It all just tells me that I'm not me without him. Which is devastating. My identity should not be wrapped up in his so completely. To know that I am less without him...that I feel incomplete. I feel a deep, crushing void inside of me without him. And it's terrifying.",6.580366748166258,7.146436640586799,6.773774083129588,75.6369349633252,65.23471882640587,9.47798533007335,35.186405867970656,9.3871,3.2909787970660136,1722,77,304,30,25,554,207,409,0.155,0.721,0.124,-0.624,1,0,1,0,1,0,48.0,1,0,0,4,21,22,2,1,22,0,38,10,1,7,6,79,67,31,1,5,17,0,12,0,1,2,8,1,0,3,21,20,1,3,19,2,0,4,16,7,1,0,17,15,44,15,45,45,10,40,0,2,0,0,20,14,0,7,21,228,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570533160766852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271116510292991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725341443401248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360711148008055,0.2687762819934377,0.09234046951653807,0.09583879351290343,0.06822441097372645,0.0,0.09386217848225054,0.11021561722367773,0.0,0.0,0.08672936538316177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370790334854726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611909940272274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693156134778541,0.07729389493857276,0.07199482406040518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888521604392998,0.0,0.0820448460876814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601801204115677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167092167248812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192499886097072,0.0765458987964141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392153608302173,0.0696526843142476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207109086394332,0.0,0.08564276995259787,0.0,0.07562005018688021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085430987559117,0.05703815320346056,0.0,0.0,0.2792384151560206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256303152984943,0.0,0.13180772521119544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199102570107936,0.0,0.0,0.09100084644882453,0.0,0.06498813649093946,0.09092421042581182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847974128207026,0.22383341999161924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068464549909619,0.0,0.08551113328948119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096308243987525,0.0910777152315659,0.0,0.07143954358109365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346779947318667,0.0,0.0,0.1776293364494277,0.0,0.0,0.07468656180904319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567459372214508,0.04982624556476067,0.0,0.08099606141716342,0.0,0.0,0.17404364697566405,0.0,0.0,0.08895586260632314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682929310486103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118509712498248,0.0,0.06220819745119925,0.0,0.0,0.060700818249583025,0.0,0.0,0.05502662667409648 bpd,arrolarc,2018/02/03,"more comfortable around the opposite sex? as long as I can remember I have felt more at ease around men. I wonder if it is because there is an automatic underlying sense of approval due to the fact that I have lady parts that hetero men like. even if there is no overt attraction, its always sort of sitting there under the surface.innocent flirting can feel like a drug. I definitely have hang ups about women, I feel like they instantly dislike you until you prove your place, and heaven help you if your younger or more attractive. there is this unspoken competitiveness between females that I find almost unbearable, most women learn to ignore it or let it roll off their backs, but it eats me alive.",8.539888392857144,8.581107765625003,7.9508035714285725,70.62812500000003,61.1875,11.376785714285715,34.691964285714285,10.914260884657429,3.797449553571429,566,21,97,13,7,178,89,128,0.046,0.76,0.194,0.9431,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,2,1,9,9,0,0,5,0,10,3,0,0,2,22,14,10,0,3,6,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,9,3,1,1,8,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,15,8,16,12,5,14,1,0,0,1,12,8,0,9,7,74,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051033301564812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492434195610626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742902850246602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165032691262654,0.0,0.12815142941157734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437946777422915,0.2151130281076287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388518688941658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259251914804603,0.30037008118322256,0.20184931522394053,0.0,0.19214217228092614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090962876357174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496967581153995,0.0,0.3081164788862437,0.0,0.0,0.18604282993119756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22765358069430766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964075906422686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381443541193275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279804374356753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marvbeans,2018/02/03,"Is there anything I can do to try to “control” these switches? My anger outbursts can get very scary, but I’ve tried to control them. And as it turns out, I can’t control them. I’m worried I’m going to hurt someone. My last one was last Wednesday and one of the people at my church wouldn’t let have some of their dessert stuff so I grabbed my fork and started stabbing his plate very hard. Everyone in the room stared at me like I was insane. But with the snap of my fingers I was super energetic and practically bouncing off the walls. ",3.06111111111111,4.817448814814816,3.6214814814814815,90.47166666666668,74.74074074074073,5.911111111111111,28.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,1.1661222222222225,424,18,88,3,9,133,73,108,0.14800000000000002,0.748,0.105,-0.4829,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,4,2,4,1,0,4,0,11,2,1,3,0,13,17,8,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,3,4,15,2,14,12,1,12,1,1,1,0,4,7,0,1,5,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477366652977067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6040694621614657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715471829586097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379623568564156,0.0,0.10203018835593536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082228021227607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192188980955082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926793908087965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358006290073975,0.0,0.08770856069374136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433063265661199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446246272854325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211392227132473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270712020197586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055171898880036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437761447984803,0.1952754638400359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962596417607951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231991443705312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,papablessmemes,2018/02/03,"How did I get BPD? Honestly nothing has ever happened in my life. I was not abused. I did normal kid things, although at a young age I do remember feeling different from everyone else. That might be considered a normal behavior except it never went away. I always felt out of place for no logical reason. I cant look back and find a specific thing that may have triggered BPD. Apparently you cant be born with BPD but it sure feels like I was.",2.351609195402297,4.793015885057471,4.184597701149425,82.27850574712646,79.80459770114942,8.004597701149425,25.75862068965517,8.841846274778883,2.3494275862068967,350,14,66,9,9,118,69,87,0.02,0.8420000000000001,0.138,0.8272,2,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,13,1,0,3,3,22,20,4,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,6,4,9,3,9,10,0,12,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,2,7,49,15,0,0.0,0.1859930493918264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061812280171856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474858307864418,0.12070625514720905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5931242131054941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400841254508086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113482699210513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199542678646246,0.0,0.14999903567488926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587454065128003,0.11214498711619354,0.15072332614507866,0.0,0.14347488504874084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201443276498145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881496921304606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087807778130383,0.07669143437737466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318218342687825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652866171741407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107097339311584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076098712398809,0.15062445353979148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400841254508086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613993452233509,0.0,0.0,0.17782527087453434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794973910113318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857817887177946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455200133160498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,areyoulostenough,2018/02/03,"Advice On Being Clingy/Needy? I am so clingy/needy and I'm a notorious double/triple/etc texter because if I don't get an immediate reply I start to worry. Yesterday, my FP didn't text me in the morning at the usual time and I started FREAKING out, only to have him message me a few hours later saying his phone had been dead and nothing was wrong. I really want to stop being so clingy and needy, especially when I know my FP loves me and I have no reason to be, so if anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it!!",0.9439408099688472,3.246410925233647,3.8781542056074763,83.13972352024922,84.60747663551402,6.183489096573209,19.19704049844237,7.492282038375204,0.7702591900311528,407,11,80,7,12,145,74,107,0.193,0.7090000000000001,0.097,-0.8935,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,1,0,12,19,11,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,1,14,1,8,12,1,13,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,9,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326364968763224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505378316272555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478565327424318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494387866994678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468838369640465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565564382993028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800288967388645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165806400757892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997932635735474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21240856716763448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683603398896544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28362801962439044,0.2276031736880605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604071935682364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133708207884526,0.0,0.0,0.185073560934488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908146150456307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24380557832830094,0.0,0.13056858236325325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480995034711296,0.0,0.0,0.2420311580259329,0.0,0.0 bpd,Wasted_Penguinz,2018/02/03,"Doctor prescribed me antidepressants for reflux... I'm feeling really hurt Heya. I ranted about this in Finnish already, but I'm still so pissed off from it. I don't know if I'm reacting so badly to it because of the BPD or something. I just feel like nobody is listening and want to get it off my chest. A bit of background info: I have GERD, reflux, diagnosed after an endoscopy which showed the doctors a hiatal hernia back in 2015 or 2016. I didn't have much symptoms back then, and they have gradually become worse. First I only had stomach pain; then I had more burping. Nowadays I suffer from constant burping, very frequent hiccups (which hurt!), bad heartburn, super bad spitting issue (I need to spit multiple times within an hour, otherwise my mouth fills up slowly. I feel nauseous when I swallow it), food coming back up to my mouth after eating it, nausea, pain in stomach etc. The list goes on, and it's definitely affecting my daily life since I have issues going to the store because of this! Well, In January, I went to the doctors the first time to get help to the issue after trying numerous anti-reflux meds at home. They prescribed me PPIs, and said if the thing continues after a month come back. So I did. I went back there. And this time I had another doctor, a guy who probably was barely 30. So first off, the guy checked my symptoms and said ""well there's nothing abnormal in your body"", well okay, fine. But the previous doctor said it's reflux. I was trying to tell him the symptoms and that they get bad and then he just checked my medical history and said ""well, you have depression and OCD diagnosed"". Uhh ok, yes? What has that to do with my reflux getting worse? ""Well I'm gonna prescribe you antidepressants. Your issue is just OCD."" WTF. I tried to argue no, that's definitely not OCD because I keep waking up in the middle of the night at 4am to me covered in spit with the feeling a demon is being birthed through my stomach. But no, my doctor stopped listening after that. He was prescribing me fucking antidepressants and he was adamant on doing so. (Note: I'm going to therapy, and they want me to take SSRI for OCD, BPD, and the depression. This guy described me 25mg of an Amitriptyline for ""reflux"" and depression.) Then I asked him, well, how about allergy tests then because I start throwing up, my mouth starts itching and my stomach flips me the bird whenever I drink milk - this would be so I can give the proof to my schools and work so I can avoid it, so I wouldn't get too many sick days from just eating the wrong food. No, he said straight out ""I won't order that for you because you aren't getting an anafylactic shock from it, your symptoms aren't sever enough"". At this point he wrote out the antidepressants and a stronger PPI medication to me (despite the fact that I said the previous doctor said I can only take a month of PPIs before I need to stop for a while). I put my prescription in the bag and said ""yeah I'll try them out then. Thanks."" but the guy then started talking to me like I was out taking coffee with him! ""Where are you studying"" ""What do you want to study"" ""What do you want to be when you're older"" etc, stuff that had **NO RELATION** to my issue. I wanted not to be rude so I kept responding to him but he kept smiling and laughing at me and I felt really uncomfortable; maybe because I cannot read humans, but I had already started to pack and be ready to leave, and it felt like he didn't want me to leave. I was really uncomfortable and anxious and in the end I just checked my clock and said ""well I'm gonna go now, I'll try the meds"" again and just almost ran out of the room. The best part? I checked what diagnosis he had given me. ""OCD"". Fuck you. It's not OCD. I have diagnosed OCD. I know what hell OCD is, this is not OCD. I spent the whole night crying at home when people like my parents kept barraging me (as usual) with stuff like ""Yeah see! It's all between your head"" and ""Well now you know it's not you being wrong! You need to fix your head first!"" and despite yelling them to shut up they didn't. And of course, since they heard what the doctor said when they forced me to tell them, they've been telling me ""Yeah but it's depression look how grumpy you are all the time"" ""Yeah but you aren't even telling us you love us anymore"" oh geez I wonder why. (I could rant about this too, but this is it's own category...) It's not depression. I can barely keep my food down due to the pain I get from eating and how much comes back up again, involuntarily. This isn't something I can control. I want to eat. I'm hungry. But it hurts. And then they wonder why I'm BPD. Nobody fucking listens to me and nobody wants to help me. ",2.3981460099386145,4.537215860664523,3.4814351310532987,88.98623337474424,77.96034297963558,6.341659358861931,23.678371333917962,7.3919655934924595,0.9847953912111468,3670,122,749,49,88,1181,343,933,0.154,0.73,0.116,-0.9955,2,1,3,0,1,0,157.0,2,19,11,8,50,48,7,1,43,7,57,57,17,6,4,116,143,72,0,16,26,1,6,5,0,5,27,15,3,5,46,44,10,9,12,3,6,12,21,27,8,4,39,23,118,21,98,92,13,109,2,9,2,4,78,38,5,7,63,490,164,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386859544257759,0.0,0.08526624271125602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0405106820387688,0.0,0.04364495405146632,0.03831413482738645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03611718650514833,0.0,0.0,0.178241051361278,0.1290297178558526,0.14130404774322772,0.042667758968753265,0.03287433504644522,0.0,0.04054356359636641,0.0,0.04217786843641413,0.0429132032374041,0.14597294233401956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099838236995863,0.0,0.04174918018347658,0.04333085027492309,0.030845773706441162,0.0,0.04243717865401676,0.024915466028036046,0.0,0.16637524928022793,0.11763682559351835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31634488754525025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03784620500606874,0.0,0.15812720796263766,0.0,0.0,0.03421788895201034,0.039918820360408766,0.08617331844231388,0.025517118304944263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813720485075523,0.02759984059940892,0.07418859965460205,0.0,0.0,0.13144682949827838,0.1401476517624459,0.0,0.0,0.10714837945056413,0.14129117409174854,0.037060854734839783,0.06586906941825099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301329110188805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929840729819085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179055487119795,0.0,0.07750527080491522,0.0,0.03804629874564901,0.0,0.12407415424727862,0.0,0.0,0.2016171253154828,0.0,0.0686786103009824,0.0,0.0,0.06369602331841127,0.0,0.0,0.08181477580825285,0.0,0.0,0.027288043375154662,0.09437209003209766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03244248099623473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034868318510173926,0.0,0.0,0.03916839106286337,0.03881262849620743,0.0,0.0858264064748082,0.07783854416844553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167391737708242,0.0,0.056800259922486586,0.08593894049977845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725100041824639,0.0,0.03706996643339955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876516405762198,0.12332657384076964,0.0,0.04289802378679868,0.0418364073698464,0.0,0.0267836631802643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03652122498043309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041653538529142366,0.0,0.0,0.03883742324950587,0.0,0.0,0.03864403945520962,0.0,0.07424899080518217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674938601212929,0.0,0.0,0.0390992502230795,0.03078596506578075,0.0,0.0,0.04364495405146632,0.0,0.063916200915968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948404187262095,0.0,0.0,0.1093802002691055,0.0,0.03085283061333768,0.06459881334387706,0.0,0.0,0.08845242285973742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062034798231914,0.08714294296284125,0.031052211934349063,0.13506982334291276,0.035568614167778775,0.04418087100731779,0.0,0.02566643698220575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011021558978673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114834004020706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929428910327927,0.0,0.042549435389641926,0.03187675337958409,0.18229671354611454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778898585201156,0.07162744006355835,0.06972160216926071,0.04313301758640101,0.0,0.0,0.0837929491275793,0.028125709755182263,0.0,0.07874184665303363,0.02744419008972475,0.08447952004475709,0.0,0.0 bpd,beepboop340,2018/02/03,"I genuinely love my FP Although I still have an unhealthy obsession with him sometimes, I love him genuinely. I do not love him because I fear he will abandon me. I do not love him because of the way he makes me feel. I love him for him. I love him platonically so much, and that helps me regulate myself. I must regulate myself to keep our relationship healthy. I do not lash out at him, I do not want him to be hurt ever. I know he will not leave me, and if he does he will have good reason. I know he cares for me. I stop myself in my tracks when I begin to split on him. Sometimes I want to push him away forever. I can’t handle the attachment I have to him, but he is gentle. He reminds me it’s all okay. The turmoil i experience is not reality; just my brain. He has taught me that it’s okay to express love. My interactions with him have helped me become so much more self aware. Im so thankful for my FP. ",0.6807591623036657,2.742597324607331,3.0235052356020944,90.39515314136128,83.60732984293193,6.333089005235603,22.115445026178012,7.554174236665415,0.8450584293193715,703,24,159,12,20,241,94,191,0.084,0.6890000000000001,0.227,0.9843,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,0,8,17,0,3,4,2,17,8,1,2,3,27,35,9,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,1,1,49,12,17,29,4,12,0,2,0,7,36,5,0,1,5,113,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087271460247736,0.0,0.0,0.14387357046125582,0.13033093370905965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173632869593987,0.0,0.0,0.12031736158696375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326988852561424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067452944123748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543479489735622,0.0,0.1327921842744792,0.05966855953855452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897979188157166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819699784600014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263303624957347,0.0,0.12746925129628733,0.0,0.0,0.10489122961581712,0.0,0.0,0.1297085886124936,0.0,0.0,0.12495378688737525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7455499029458516,0.0,0.07877147944582492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734994077386686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133222184500415,0.0,0.12669678757288186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310842925947064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23342652003031605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942416081507468,0.09866025147665218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864621923590444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392087460344318,0.09366952287305637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rememberjimi,2018/02/03,"Tips on crawling out of a mental breakdown? I'm... About to have one. From all the shit I have to deal with in life, which I can usually handle, it's just, getting to me. I lost my job, my parents berate me in horrible ways (that's what triggered this episode), they took me off of their health insurance so now I can't get my necessary thyroid meds. I'm 21 by the way. I get violent when I truly snap and have mental breakdowns. Last time that I had a bad one I was kicked out and went to jail for 3 days because I got violent with my parents (who, in my defense, are abusive as fuck, physically and verbally, although I instigated the fighting that night). I NEED I repeat NEED to learn effective ways of calming myself down during these episodes, I mean the thoughts going through my head just now are a mix of suicidal, violent, and self loathing. Any help or advice on getting out of this and controlling these would be helpful.",4.435879120879122,5.6375297307692325,5.171098901098902,82.92390109890111,70.37362637362638,8.457142857142857,32.68131868131869,8.841846274778883,2.701624175824176,729,34,143,13,13,236,118,182,0.196,0.706,0.098,-0.9709,3,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,0,2,3,7,10,7,0,7,0,11,6,2,3,1,24,27,10,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,11,10,0,2,4,0,0,3,1,9,0,2,7,0,25,1,28,18,1,25,0,1,0,1,10,10,2,1,9,98,36,2,0.0,0.16713888698468785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784702690405126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592899663447466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778333275049972,0.08599187820657124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821632538931746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909752163944868,0.14543175916840514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041226409150738,0.2948024359801031,0.0,0.08017045633805482,0.0,0.11282251917672395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477332584454408,0.1499454349004009,0.0,0.0,0.18910571174129348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399851864354795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498675392046415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996383390237763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398904597865684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366107444293592,0.15669134770790252,0.0,0.2843205617146987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209195731408562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237989034284925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911785084890212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132718442840603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716149771140236,0.0,0.1448011339207429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430214877321205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198980538353837,0.08225610102385962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672833897454755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536310208607546,0.0,0.0,0.3359123504092065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076861280123928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002084861416876,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,maflingo,2018/02/03,"Love to Loath I’m married. 16 years. 2 kids. BPD, childhood trauma blah blah. I went from loving and idolizing my husband to *liking* and loathing my husband within the first 5 years together. We share a home but not a bed. A family but not a relationship. A marriage but not intimacy. My question - is this familiar at all to any of you? I’m trying to understand how much of this is BPD related and how much of this is trauma. ",0.1296428571428585,2.437395535714288,2.764285714285716,85.9307142857143,99.59523809523807,6.2095238095238106,22.66666666666667,7.447530270364453,1.6412952380952386,331,14,64,8,14,114,53,84,0.125,0.795,0.08,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,0,3,2,0,2,1,15,9,8,0,0,6,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,6,4,10,8,3,7,0,0,0,2,11,2,0,1,5,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647331870794802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425550437307523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305153845937424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321154040533724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160548125489373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522920059492644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388797713568379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166744502105654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24128730125373699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23124940926899235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623640291413192,0.0,0.0,0.22422970774954026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996696866622769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774095839457052 bpd,Hav0k569,2018/02/03,Girlfriend never opens up to me but other dudes she's slept with Title is like it says. Suffering from bpd in a bad way. I have a habit of going through her phone because of past trauma and bpd and I always find her confiding in and actively engaging in actual conversation with guys she's slept with and all I ever get is maybe sentence or two. It's like she doesn't even love me. We're having a child together but I doubt the relationship will last long. She doesn't understand my concerns and doesn't realize there's a stark difference in level of engagement between past lovers and me and even my therapist understood. ,3.2301790633608825,5.75620049586777,4.433409090909095,81.23678030303034,77.09917355371901,8.661432506887053,25.78581267217631,9.2995712137729,2.573082093663912,504,19,93,14,12,165,80,121,0.15,0.684,0.166,0.0511,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,1,5,0,8,4,2,0,3,22,15,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,11,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,1,15,6,15,11,1,15,0,1,0,2,15,7,0,2,8,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.17999831564522184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347864502250225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540095196407659,0.11244008423207988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464621083225221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271283639500736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436573030192243,0.1668471819615788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858557204552235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636843451016776,0.0,0.10482818902874384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263624731459926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150352807335268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022763121377128,0.0,0.0,0.16323400811281585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664749198454373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530659045148884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226057264762926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521601626524744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198032167005476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668344728085467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416271636917056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801825730079973,0.19202079293095148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640922593439698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,christianjprior,2018/02/03,"I had sex with my FP This isn't the first time. We were together for 5 months until I left her on new years eve. I walked out her door after she warned me that doing so would be the last time, it would be over. And I did it anyway. I violated her trust and did the one thing she asked me time and time again not to do. She made me so happy, yet terrified. She's the only one I ever felt completely vulnerable for and it scared the hell out of me. I cut contact with her for a couple weeks before I caved and messaged her again. She's always been forgiving so I knew she would take me back because she must miss me. I was wrong. If it was one or two days she admitted that she would. But now she will never give me the power to hurt her again. It's fair and I don't deserve to be forgiven. We've managed to stay on friendly terms and be able to text and I have been begging to see her for weeks and been rejected. In one of our daily texts she mentions that she is not doing well. She's miserable, she's alone all the time and feels worthless. I relate and ask to see her, she's hesitant but I've been on my best behavior so this time she doesn't refuse. I show up at her house and run up her stairs to her kitchen and hug her as tight as I can. She hugs me back and it's the best feeling I could imagine. She pours herself a glass of wine and I ask her to join me on the couch. We talk for about an hour and I make her laugh and I hold her and move in closer and try to kiss her and she kisses me back. Things get heavy and we move upstairs and stay in her bed for hours. I ask if I can stay just for the night and she agrees, but that this changes nothing. I agree that I understand her terms. The next morning I leave for work and tell her that I'll always be around when she needs me. That was two days ago and now I'm back to feeling terrible. Spending my Friday night in bed because it hurts so much and I want to hug her again. I'm beginning to think she used me for sex, like that was the last thing she needed before she would be able to cut me out of her life for good. She'll barely talk to me now and she's out with her friends all weekend. It seems like the only thing that would get her attention is if I had a date with someone or if I tell her I'm cutting contact. She has me right where she wants me and I'll be there for her when it's convenient and it's killing me. If I cut things off with her then I'll truly have no one to talk to but I'm hurting so much right now cause I need her and she doesn't need me at all. How do I move past this urge to get her attention by maliciously telling her I won't be around anymore?",1.2023947704081621,2.5985674913194465,2.6177536848072585,97.23169642857144,78.94791666666667,6.0214852607709775,20.08843537414966,6.68642624312137,-0.0800677721088432,2049,48,509,19,49,665,228,576,0.102,0.763,0.135,0.9814,1,2,1,0,0,0,39.0,4,0,0,5,31,34,7,2,17,0,47,10,0,5,6,98,82,54,1,19,14,0,5,2,2,10,1,0,5,0,28,44,2,3,13,3,1,5,9,17,1,8,16,7,115,17,64,47,9,83,1,7,2,7,83,26,1,8,51,359,143,2,0.13526827562397706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995358235996698,0.0,0.0,0.07004856938448797,0.0,0.0,0.11255404143477972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670748908745238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041744384515753,0.2529151556668883,0.0,0.0,0.20802590868496704,0.0,0.08245828530563418,0.0,0.1151033395767408,0.0,0.14195570987795145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694788902136143,0.07154794983844688,0.0,0.07091310670254937,0.0,0.0,0.054000355602990636,0.07483588706710444,0.0,0.08723684731222844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117894977840872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259355676860712,0.0,0.06493937874866547,0.0,0.0,0.05752956307196212,0.0,0.0,0.10450793419961897,0.0,0.10600813653201066,0.06488082787867368,0.0,0.05672830591676197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199779735254411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321200377046424,0.07804071430186868,0.217211230110732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482715265777243,0.0,0.0,0.1102616986497898,0.0,0.07161478634432898,0.07348468862754197,0.0,0.04777199171569094,0.06608524680535484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399705652274155,0.045146312177189535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053984923534216016,0.21565315467523827,0.099437746750897,0.20059942479416426,0.052163616592944106,0.06532147175380727,0.07192967285561419,0.12694011334881014,0.0,0.06489677933338697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291532108332392,0.10287761903398193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456443750375497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551836828957518,0.0,0.0,0.06771357082053851,0.0,0.10779130242962633,0.061571578903466415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730618548702495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216266975697592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085245446231003,0.16308527411301013,0.1773456526289207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466557935803036,0.043337224563132375,0.0,0.0,0.2366280579449946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04591913995293464,0.0,0.13213745003543628,0.07040952270825959,0.0,0.0584141795753922,0.0,0.0,0.07978473364319504,0.0,0.10850405144894848,0.0,0.0608112124263941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923845784582127,0.0,0.0,0.2882721059005383,0.07394731231258182,0.0,0.04355416727860857 bpd,MadisynNyx,2018/02/03,"Not the same as others with BPD.. I'm not sure if this is allowed because I've been diagnosed and have been for close to a decade by different therapists and professionals. I'm going to start writing a book, and I'm unsure if i should even say ""borderline"". I feel like I'm lying. My mental struggles are a central part of what i intend to write so it would be hard to exclude it but feeling like a liar is making me not write it at all. How could i say that and not be much like anyone i know with BPD. I essentially want to know if others feel this way.... have been diagnosed but feel like they don't meet criteria. If so, maybe they are right and I shouldn't feel bad when i start writing. How i am typical for someone with bpd: -i have severe abandonment issues. Following my father's death shortly before i turned 14 i was shipped across the country. I ran away from home multiple times and made my way back to NY from Florida looking for him. I can not get over anything that shows I'm unwanted by someone i fancied (romantic or platonic) if i can not understand why. For example, i was blocked by a friend what i enjoyed after a night hanging out. I have obsessed over that person since to the point i had to look up stalking laws to make sure i wasn't doing anything terrible. -i can and do blend in with anyone I'm around as long as I'm alone with them. I'm a sponge and i am no one often times. -i have a history of self harm but it is usually because of desperate attempts to keep a loved one around. Ex: ""I'll prove it to you. See? That's your name carved in! No one would ever see me again and not know you!"" Or very much having every intent to carry out ""i would live and die for you"". I also have weird weird weird urges that aren't related to that. Like cutting under my breasts to try to make it look like there's more shadow via a scar, or randomly (but often) wanting to cut my mouth. I'm here enough to not allow myself. - intense anxiety. This is usually due to either a very severe phobia i have that has ruled my life, fear of abandonment, fear of loved ones not being alright, and anticipating people being angry with me. -i chronically feel empty. Ways i do not qualify as a person with BPD: -I do not have anger problems. I just broke my no- yelling- steak after 13 YEARS. I run from fights, arguments scare me, i can't do confrontation. - my relationships are not unstable. I do not go from loving someone to hating them, even when i probably should. In this area i am opposite of what i know of BPD. I will go to any lengths to stop someone from leaving. Literally will beg on hands and knees. I'll throw all my money at them and promise to be anything they want, then do it. But then there's never the opposite. The devaluation part. I've been with my husband for 9 years and we nearly never argue and there's been no instability. -i am not dissociative ever, i don't think. I have had a couple psychotic breaks though. The anger and unstable relationships is such a big part that for me to be the complete opposite i feel like I'm false advertising to say i have bpd. Does anyone have core parts of BPD missing but are diagnosed and are sure the doctors were right? Like i said, its been several that diagnosed it but it doesn't feel right. EDIT: excuse editing. I'm on my phone and nothing turned out as expected. ",2.532864925885935,4.5766589371257504,4.066747815843724,85.41063659566116,77.1437125748503,7.374339844900364,24.87297536075391,8.301177459387247,1.6204680671443998,2622,93,529,50,61,871,291,668,0.192,0.698,0.11,-0.9951,2,1,0,0,2,0,89.0,1,4,6,1,24,43,9,5,22,1,69,14,4,10,10,126,123,48,2,18,31,3,10,8,1,8,7,5,1,3,28,33,0,5,15,2,1,8,27,25,0,4,15,20,73,18,81,93,12,63,0,4,5,4,38,27,0,11,32,366,101,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056066342903088116,0.0,0.04329082045533805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03681287447198111,0.0,0.04141224724019029,0.0,0.0,0.11355494022573605,0.0,0.13364263866089648,0.0963812074601916,0.0,0.0,0.050860534250171,0.04162558932874027,0.045199503753357205,0.06599898527221222,0.0,0.04606391938269358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772578250642733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675831200613849,0.0,0.0,0.04322147448162477,0.05989807561566269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21977887382036493,0.05618238988580157,0.0565583516673121,0.0,0.055408289538115635,0.047372897120812316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055934738157781584,0.0,0.07150979503110637,0.09793433347367264,0.04561010357618487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183126318612315,0.21897360965318768,0.15469293362742442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04182367838783263,0.0,0.02828270244272949,0.0,0.0922965437691326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849329681682903,0.05344596971727122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543006655655154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056501675203964825,0.0,0.04811665336728948,0.0,0.0,0.11900219341287176,0.0,0.0,0.057319931062028075,0.0,0.0,0.03823633933184275,0.21157651845176606,0.0,0.04780118151400802,0.04790675394339584,0.1363764006548374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657374002487206,0.05122275797094165,0.1084042961152906,0.0,0.054384728620482325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545541885947595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958921725074969,0.0,0.08350272505673384,0.0,0.0,0.05080095129499757,0.0,0.05194288927501575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672999159083625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23448673789123764,0.0,0.037529595648576386,0.094535179927785,0.0,0.0,0.051173986055660065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058365446421944,0.05179878371531242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623899219643015,0.0,0.13869003689237627,0.051493688077175546,0.12914823138318682,0.0541974277872628,0.0,0.08627533976915466,0.0,0.05647341192362361,0.18346752645013628,0.0,0.044780080297921666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834697424495872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663243560881966,0.0,0.0,0.04525832272935645,0.0,0.056592453959045975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306153952686272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285357246056376,0.0,0.03468678538583795,0.05318623297927404,0.0,0.06313176678130121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036753330853695435,0.11776416820529555,0.0,0.05635524720192552,0.0,0.0,0.11924157606829122,0.08933219155822557,0.09578864224159676,0.12890679172139108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884737983322863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536540204055913,0.0,0.0,0.06972084937516752 bpd,peach_cheeks,2018/02/03,"I desperately need help and support. I apologize for writing such a whiny post but I can't live like this anymore. I am constantly an emotional wreck. I have no idea how to cope anymore. I always feel so inadequate and disgusting. I'm so paranoid about being abandoned. I'm so afraid that my SO wants to leave because I have body dysmorphic disorder and am constantly upset/crying over how ugly I am and how much I hate my face. I am so terrified that he will meet someone new who is prettier and much more normal and happy. I am desperate for some support right now, I feel like I have nowhere to turn to for help. I am so sorry this post is everywhere, I am having a terribly rough night and just needed to get my thoughts out.",2.981169871794876,5.0883584097222245,4.54527777777778,82.20442307692309,76.0138888888889,8.31965811965812,28.43803418803419,9.057496981413335,2.58942264957265,577,25,111,14,13,193,86,144,0.342,0.531,0.127,-0.9921,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,13,10,2,1,3,0,16,2,2,3,0,24,29,17,0,4,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,3,18,5,11,26,4,10,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356610013092095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945494475869053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052583637882217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649529653313093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209572137189255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312318659943634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17019690123247136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704549203069138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017480251390009,0.10609032200084634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758650479614031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580838310817183,0.0,0.146615621127443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990763904268911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764141473157987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724286302781187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510178612571434,0.0,0.13113055961705464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183330676568263,0.2202256648836908,0.0,0.14342478362462313,0.0,0.1393596760874962,0.14550106576170574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28444897532296226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682045070146605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582581244964092,0.0,0.0,0.16623655728124473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33703809212672925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789451526913645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615282383247366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759070985457759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,randytruman,2018/02/03,"My best friend just stopped talking to me. On tuesday my closest friend just stopped talking to me. I dont understand why because she was perfectly normal monday but now she hasnt even engaged in conversation with me. I tried to approach and talk to her but it seems like she doesnt even want me there. She used to always seem so happy to see me and always wanted to be around me but now its like im a stranger. It hurts so much to she see her be happy and friendly with other people and not with me anymore. My life is pretty sucky and she was the only non sucky part of my life. I feel absolutely worthless and ive been crying thinking that i lost the closest friend ive ever had. Ive asked her if shes felt weird and she said she was fine and i asked if she just wanted some space which she replied nah. This has been my greatest fear and its happening. I want to ask her again but dont want to come off as weird. I feel so worthless and unlovable. Im scared she just realized that her life is better without me. I just hope that this is a temporary thing because i cant lose the one thing in life that makes me happy. Im a loser. I just dont understand she told loved me and i brang joy into her life just four days before. She knows how weird I am and i finally thought I found someone who really loved me.I feel like absolute shit. I just want to be important to someone ",0.9594321236559152,3.1659760520833373,2.455448028673839,94.00532258064516,83.61805555555554,5.382795698924731,21.443100358422946,6.6834051587181325,0.3585155465949823,1085,35,238,12,31,352,135,288,0.197,0.573,0.23,0.9687,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,6,20,32,1,2,6,0,24,8,1,3,2,63,57,23,0,10,16,0,4,3,4,0,5,1,0,0,15,18,0,2,13,0,0,2,8,13,0,2,12,7,53,19,24,42,5,21,0,6,2,2,36,9,1,6,13,163,68,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382512165472176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238873651239076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395495485049293,0.2329935969542957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012843085204299,0.0,0.07069127204265215,0.0,0.0871827849816607,0.07347367455731273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156232931416097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912547169917014,0.0535769312008581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920921817442192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974138636056804,0.07514669509976878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348321945468133,0.12601665699747264,0.05934927162451077,0.07976566633572077,0.09100533022319172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108817861973507,0.2567362105838926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734635361350319,0.2653067703075875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251288016761525,0.0,0.0,0.08893421751816068,0.0,0.26920792193667265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565621282859296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933939948928853,0.12175972071101815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294041912333073,0.09068690187346724,0.0,0.14995806217769156,0.0,0.05545365143315283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610701725312621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139651299652376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629422057093166,0.0631827867112652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899628494535535,0.0,0.0575942058599772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451781747335198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053220398227431936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902398148323245,0.0,0.08317323326075506,0.0,0.13240109821147672,0.15125793049501066,0.0,0.0,0.0852759762201349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077948260707354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389099515251888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031921785878276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038356070237162,0.05323153163811347,0.0,0.06595279831172718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938235796897428,0.0,0.056402923256858535,0.0,0.0,0.1729693940233392,0.0,0.07175070114728135,0.0,0.0,0.294001077547954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496286600525061,0.0,0.0,0.0800819764294458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,-achilles-heel-,2018/02/03,"Anchors does anybody use an anchor during dissociative episodes? like a physical object that grounds you and helps you remember what's real and what's not. if you do, what is it and how does it work for you?",4.78316666666667,6.381531650000002,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,70.0,8.333333333333334,30.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.541083333333333,166,7,31,3,3,53,30,40,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,9,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,21,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6346214542887297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430408569973387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714638273386388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127143119832347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107512625084852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131670414313593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639746424635977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miscellaneousteapots,2018/02/03,"Chameleon effect? Mirroring people unintentionally? I often find myself mirroring others, the way they talk and gestutes etc. It's so frustrating because it just happens! It's like my personality doesnt exist sometimes... and I worry sometimes that someone will call it out haha. I have feelings of chronic emptiness and wondering who I am, my personality traits... if they're really mine or some weird Frankenstein creature. I also have social anxiety so that may also be a coping mechanism, who knows haha. Do you mirror others? Do you often have to step back and go, wait a second, i am mirroring this person... i must act myself but WHO AM I? the question of the life time. I sometimes don't even know who I am... do you ever feel like a husk? ",3.3518491484184914,6.1958616058394185,5.112145985401462,74.67853527980539,78.92700729927007,6.865012165450122,26.65158150851581,8.021203637495839,2.2580787347931874,588,24,93,11,15,199,88,137,0.069,0.852,0.079,0.5075,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,3,1,1,10,6,1,0,6,2,16,2,0,1,2,24,24,11,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,3,13,5,0,1,8,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,2,19,4,4,20,2,8,0,0,0,0,15,1,0,8,5,78,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623238128208605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254702322485937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611661304612715,0.0,0.09998138910751288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747659338870785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291892311937386,0.1083296752596252,0.14836001889469627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658607748339867,0.11717160745271382,0.0,0.0,0.1499057901967229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932129144895152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503700521485835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027556871043732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584791205550385,0.16025787464830402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370663018868457,0.4296319967522949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837331741566671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050715440795128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719157981959268,0.1389684980280341,0.0,0.4866420076809422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182821017408136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563786039394752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018664906780938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778661457684688,0.0,0.1665641401628182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,falafelicia,2018/02/04,"Seroquel users how do you get out of bed? I can't do it, I'll just end up sleeping 3 more hours until I finally get out of bed. Even when I have to go somewhere I can barely get out. Its prolly the worst side effect rn. Its really starting to affect me badly",0.9914285714285712,2.5569424285714284,3.7387142857142885,88.20628571428574,80.07142857142857,6.622857142857143,20.128571428571426,7.554174236665415,0.6229971428571424,200,5,44,3,5,71,43,56,0.133,0.867,0.0,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,1,3,0,7,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,9,10,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817814178523205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989068076730164,0.0,0.0,0.2229021312285682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36969246940729217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5289575769567381,0.0,0.1917974668339379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323494829790691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21619811054237328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33772338172147226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388698388942599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,radical_mit3,2018/02/04,"I feel like I'm destroying my relationship with my boyfriend We argue daily, or at least its become a daily thing. No matter what we do there's always something I feel like I do wrong, he tells me to grow and be more mature but I'm lost on how I could do so, I feel lost so much in our time, and I've tried asking for help, asking for advice and just being honest and we can't seem to fix these issues, I just... does anyone else have similar issues in relationships? ",3.2217673048600872,4.189243989690727,4.7771723122238585,85.4937113402062,73.02061855670105,7.192341678939616,20.04270986745213,7.447530270364453,0.4463472754050071,365,6,77,4,7,123,68,97,0.134,0.722,0.14400000000000002,0.2609,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,4,0,0,2,6,8,2,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,19,18,9,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,3,13,3,9,13,3,6,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,2,3,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601312060052795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136087947481302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879002122927353,0.17407089152576116,0.0,0.0,0.31764571384402496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762855121373426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564217975086595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486706111637251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192008027493666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577022597924777,0.24273682192633855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387271105748227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546390064734848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165997924012853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709068325283363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488762868497914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36479343804596137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466015139918976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078850245064896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484900770455572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286640081839268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906337718047578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534317072453094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574645512595747,0.0,0.0 bpd,beobebo,2018/02/04,"Pushing People away So i saw a post talking about people self victimizing and wanted to make sure its not me. Its long, but please read it. I have depression and bpd and over the years i realized that no matter how hard i tried i wasnt going to please anyone else or myself. If i did something to be mindful, it would somehow be called out as bad judgement and id be in the wrong. Any mistake was/is deemed on purpose and made me selfish. So i determined that i should just be alone. I met nice people but i am a stain. Whenever they did nice things for me i hated myself for it and when they wouldnt let me pay it back i hated them. I thought theyd hold it against me. The guilt ate at me so i said horrible things to them to get them to hate me too. I distanced myself. The only thing i regret is how i said it. But i cant go back to them. Even now as im in college i plan on leaving after graduating so not even family can find me. I just dont want to hurt anyone anymore and go into a field where i can help. 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Five months doesn't seem like a long time, but for me it really was. Five months without splitting, acting impulsively, disassociating, or having an emotional outburst. Five months without obsessing over things, fixating, or becoming irrationally attached. Five months of stable, healthy, pretty normal behavior. Then I got triggered. And had a moment. I split, disassociated, resorted to pathological lying to get attention. It wasn't my worst moment ever. I've had way worse. But it was a moment and now I feel myself losing control. It's like if I f*** up one time, I fall into a rut and just spiral into a bunch of bad behavior. It's so freaking hard to pull my life together once I've messed up once. I fixate on the fact I've messed up and persuade myself I'm worthless and can't do better. Rationally, I know I can do better. I have for 5 months. But BPD urges are strong. And man, do they want me to lose control...",2.4248734729493897,5.293778125654448,4.194378272251311,79.16566863001745,84.49738219895289,6.743542757417103,25.23582024432809,7.9370924344782425,2.03903647469459,806,33,139,17,24,270,112,191,0.25,0.633,0.117,-0.982,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,7,4,15,1,1,9,0,14,3,0,3,2,30,22,16,0,3,10,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,4,0,0,3,6,10,0,5,6,2,17,5,19,16,3,30,0,3,0,1,2,9,1,4,19,92,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541428707245783,0.0,0.12620701248161026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213270586868654,0.0,0.0,0.14392451037498438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25633674201126183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570864665844659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033676681418517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778053163689247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597036176498964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913956158446378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236734829698572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280217978999679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071533434340805,0.1116573247103877,0.0,0.0,0.10112918049736906,0.0,0.25568747602673003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472760497615616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119645745186534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650952757844056,0.07743523920186572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625806959388058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320705794242313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104031052479909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088395450247028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591878296078121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326855427290218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740195688130629,0.0907056391445506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304691105595147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645529860898192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cuddleslut77,2018/02/04,"Recently diagnosed with BPD and having a hard time coping I just moved cities and when my depression started becoming unbearable again, i went to a LCSW I had never seen before. She and an APRN diagnosed me with BPD. I had no idea what it was. I did some research and i agree with the diagnosis. For some reason that I can't really explain, I feel like my world has been completely flipped upside down. I had already been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADD and i had come to terms with that. Now I'm 23 and just added another mental health problem to the list. I read articles and Reddit threads from people who dated girls with BPD and they all made it out to be the worst experience of their life. I suddenly feel unlovable although I have a very caring, patient, and understanding boyfriend that has taken this news better than I could have ever imagined. After reading the symptoms of BPD and recognizing them as they've happened in the past week, I feel like being aware of them is making them worse. I feel more unstable than before. As if I have an excuse for my irrational feelings now even though I know that's wrong. My LCSW gave me the DBT workbook but I have yet to go over it with her. As a side note, I'm not sure I really even like her. She just rubs me the wrong way. Should i get a different one? I guess I'm just looking to talk to some people with BPD and i need some reassurance that its not the end of the world. TL;DR: recognizing my symptoms are making them worse, I don't like my therapist, and I'm in need of a success story to get my hopes up.",4.523615901783104,5.682327951768488,5.441509792458347,81.22807000876941,70.12540192926045,8.869979538146742,27.962730195849172,9.218907990703514,2.2718154340836008,1247,43,244,25,22,409,169,311,0.109,0.794,0.097,0.0289,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,6,2,13,17,0,0,17,0,23,7,0,4,4,62,54,21,0,7,8,0,7,4,0,1,7,0,0,1,12,24,0,0,11,2,0,4,6,7,0,1,13,9,44,10,36,37,8,31,0,2,2,0,17,9,0,7,21,173,56,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629917058342494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150503073796858,0.0667575368215549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637740959827742,0.14851228799537,0.0,0.0,0.07717885957229648,0.0,0.0,0.5495364803783215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897255094739492,0.0,0.0,0.07517112759204392,0.09149576166931243,0.0,0.0,0.06967405457264683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032254737014675,0.2657166159668808,0.0,0.09117342080225854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729094704812976,0.0,0.0,0.1152755064752432,0.07893624843688991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536197963985198,0.0,0.0,0.22061919757376552,0.12468436152198152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118479075925266,0.0,0.04959474817062042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613230881816064,0.0,0.07716820988212908,0.0,0.07817235874865265,0.0,0.0,0.09275868471874504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667390095475064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851163784893592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795859822897818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616378970226401,0.17053321375195266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328067737628846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257231566096049,0.1165002186842284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794266181117233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927489550752382,0.0,0.12941188177634996,0.0673041988079451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913306732449785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330437997781884,0.12099721847388414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350088299074007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457736282021366,0.0,0.11180847197107699,0.0897230220749364,0.08616372517976703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061766663038227664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224629219518996,0.1814036340489123,0.0,0.07014035470484717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132146786350238,0.0,0.0,0.08573748451564035,0.0,0.0508849618938618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084601152770198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200281878824016,0.0,0.06926694772987911,0.06999877239316395,0.0,0.0,0.08089559067933562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786111553132547,0.0,0.1908213016760966,0.0,0.0 bpd,M00nandstars,2018/02/04,"DAE spend a lot of time cleaning up after tantrums? I can't help but think I could've done something productive with my day if I hadn't pulled out the entire contents of my wardrobe, make up bag, drawers etc last night whilst having a total tantrum getting ready. That was a long sentence. I'm tired. ",2.645988700564974,5.1083580338983055,2.4450000000000003,95.04738700564974,78.83050847457628,4.611299435028251,26.78248587570621,5.46131890053228,0.6350655367231646,240,10,48,1,6,71,50,59,0.18600000000000005,0.733,0.08,-0.7375,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,1,8,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,7,6,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,7,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496574954826513,0.0,0.0,0.2016591610423324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199904007084205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34873196996910744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633676023786469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958949420192535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548840579398409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27672078173308595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658378287336549,0.0,0.0,0.20872298159108504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293438352591077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24072401387037695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003591055056249,0.0,0.0,0.1823320348165735,0.3593911194460045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,newts-bay,2018/02/04,"I want to drop out of college because I'm not coping at all. I currently go to college (I live in the UK) and this course that I'm on is for people who want to go to University. I have a conditional offer from the university I applied for, they'll accept me in September if I pass the college course I'm one. I've missed so many college days though. I can't catch up, I can get extensions on my assignments but even then I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm too depressed to get out of bed most mornings. I feel so sad and hopeless. I don't even know if I want to go to university anymore. If I dropped out of college then I would have nothing going on with my life, so half of me is staying at college since it gives me something to do. Even though I can't keep up with the workload and constant assignments. I told my mum that I'm thinking of dropping out, and she said I should stay on my course since I've come this far with it. I'm staying on my course so my mum isn't disappointed with me. But I can't do this course anymore. I'm struggling with my mental health, I'm having problems at home and with my personal life. But I'm feeling so depressed nowadays and my mood swings are horrible. If I stayed at college it would be to please others. I'd rather take a year out and try the course again. But if I did that I'd feel guilty for leaving it. I'm so confused, I'm sorry for rambling.",2.9618758043758038,3.752252452702706,4.457818532818532,88.20738738738741,73.45945945945945,7.25971685971686,28.62226512226512,7.447530270364453,1.4547981338481335,1090,43,244,12,21,365,131,296,0.158,0.7959999999999999,0.046,-0.9896,1,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,1,0,14,11,0,2,7,0,22,3,0,0,1,47,55,26,0,13,11,2,3,0,0,4,3,1,2,1,13,19,0,1,6,0,0,7,7,9,0,2,3,4,35,1,43,47,2,40,0,6,0,0,10,19,0,7,7,157,48,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314335886160305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112802059979087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051086704314018,0.0,0.12609135812630778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524997942518488,0.0,0.200995382885624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312012898265368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769931691447553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192264069921745,0.11193162323908926,0.2652513697263117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402708493957873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704115882983103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371196762452424,0.0,0.0,0.0641251560882318,0.0,0.0,0.12354896732253552,0.0,0.0,0.16483133008415987,0.0,0.0,0.10303199085256903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182968288966174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758760939031222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119591424967415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906647216949185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089233012852615,0.10188187284357383,0.0,0.12808135840395035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164853338125748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099092179087314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304045119808247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982719652935174,0.0,0.13061549877604714,0.0,0.497468244149764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198094302175667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773004229080111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476485813496836,0.22927815992152006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149426945514007,0.0,0.07921914748508233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646549308250955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577452232029846,0.0,0.0,0.07513912509621236 bpd,soytitties,2018/02/04,"Help me use my wise mind right to figure out what treatment steps I need to take next Hi everyone It's pretty hard for me to even post here, considering I really struggle with what this diagnosis means for my life and the stigma it attaches to me. I am not doing well. I have not been doing well for three years now because of an interpersonal rejection that actually somewhat broke me as a human being. In the tldr of it since this event, I have gained about 30-40kg, lost most of my friends (through bad behaviours or self isolation from fear of losing or hurting them), had to extend my graduation and I haven't gotten a job in my field yet. I am so paranoid of everyone in my town hating me / me having a reputation from the bad behaviours I engaged in during crisis that I am so deeply ashamed... I just avoid everyone. I have also developed some classical O-OCD obsessions in the past year to accompany my usual diagnoses of BPD/depression/anxiety. Everyday I torture myself by repeating to myself that I am fat, I am friendless, I am bad and that I have no future or career. It's hard, to say the least. My self esteem has never been lower, my hope for the future has never been worse and my life is entirely lacking in authentic human connection. I enjoy nothing and I do not want to do anything. ((It wasn't always like this - although I have always had these issues it has never ever been this bad. In fact, for most of my life I have been very popular, thin and an overachiever. )) But nobody seems to be seeing how fucking hard I've been having it now, because they are comparing me to CRISIS MODE INSANITY post abuse to now (I am working, living out of home, not engaging in bad coping strategies). Everyone around me is telling me how much better I seem to be doing. And I get it, I have improved a lot from that place. But I am so far from where a normal person would ever be? Where I was, where my trajectory was taking me? I think a large part for this is that I have learned to control acting immediately out of my emotions, stopped seeing anyone (so they can't see how hard it is) and have quit social media. But I can't take this feeling anymore, and it's getting worse. It hurts so bad and I am SO lonely. My life right now is SO FAR from where I thought it would be or where I would hope it would be. I am absolutely miserable and I am not overexagerrating when I say there is no reprieve, even for a moment. Everyday for 3 years has been filled with absolute distress. I don't understand what else I can do here to improve my situation at this point, but I am DESPERATE to do something. I am in individual therapy and have been in two lots of 12 week group DBT courses. I am seeing a psychiatrist semi-regularly and I am on agomelatine. I am struggling to articulate how bad this is to my DBT psychologist - I often times feel like she is not taking my pain seriously because I am not suicidal / acting out / acting ""borderline"" / engaging in immediately unhealthy coping mechanisms. Does anybody have advice on how I can improve this? What else I can do? What can I say to my caretakers? How do I break this slump? How do I get back to my old self? My heart goes out to all of you - reading the advice threads on board helps keep me grounded and makes me feel like maybe one day I will be strong enough to cope like you. Thank you for helping me develop the skills I need. **tldr** I am in DBT and am medicated... but my life still sucks. What else can I do?",3.4371302890657742,5.211552582111442,5.129437578550483,79.97844208211146,73.76539589442815,8.331839128613321,27.134583158776717,8.992870011690432,2.257796732299957,2719,102,525,59,56,923,297,682,0.157,0.758,0.085,-0.9883,2,4,1,0,1,0,89.0,0,3,3,9,41,46,4,8,18,0,90,11,2,10,7,90,124,42,1,11,17,0,8,4,1,5,9,3,1,6,36,23,1,4,11,1,0,5,17,28,2,3,16,15,96,18,75,96,12,75,0,8,4,1,24,36,2,15,35,406,132,6,0.0,0.07340646984873336,0.06045908177552629,0.0,0.0,0.12108329553608667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049545341038925376,0.1031029420130994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047395357517427815,0.0,0.06144265009247408,0.0433203327400027,0.0,0.0509836345607962,0.05515302947752046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047639522595012106,0.3621084939687009,0.1133014643453666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479410739785213,0.0,0.0,0.0780300747944608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948773040670256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03995580920588336,0.0,0.0,0.06288295729931262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054217183208020214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526620089069618,0.06969096564568282,0.0,0.06401601191202558,0.0,0.08184130365685742,0.1120835756942705,0.0,0.236802390747656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971652905015854,0.09397883363042674,0.08852123928662488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786623093376804,0.0572763412790664,0.09710669305561938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22199781880967973,0.061167674092251226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341689909645856,0.12458126571495233,0.0,0.062145853688766364,0.12307046421323765,0.0,0.0,0.13264808369514244,0.0,0.0,0.06466485822644755,0.061480715545788864,0.05506839500058855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188030224826368,0.121072211756022,0.0,0.05470734477343618,0.0,0.0,0.06931172746876475,0.06763113279378884,0.1053437444615619,0.0,0.0,0.041355401788991,0.0,0.06224206190758279,0.06748708951886656,0.0,0.062413081420160915,0.0,0.0,0.06255682538625389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455440076006146,0.0918776020779244,0.1433504013241226,0.0,0.06588977876685974,0.0,0.06070268435347075,0.059447433349821416,0.0,0.06501128483786509,0.0,0.041982268974935885,0.0,0.06592442151998143,0.0,0.0,0.06709115971775219,0.05914299807630944,0.0,0.0540966616067072,0.06472972312565448,0.0,0.058567441429404773,0.0,0.118671408166705,0.06303044451730075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589670208740159,0.061971703265736325,0.0,0.039689919332340284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581835601264868,0.0,0.14780715868056582,0.0,0.0,0.19748025503567693,0.11280289625171018,0.19389753467072265,0.0,0.0,0.051249764425229744,0.06963994542501645,0.0,0.06315525648946888,0.0,0.04769593763935236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947729302196513,0.05179710180797042,0.0,0.1295375048169075,0.0,0.06776864580026337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632961009008087,0.0,0.05415134604435085,0.05703978243097192,0.07085087032013587,0.0,0.0,0.03969822224225004,0.0,0.04918529984590216,0.036126422214571116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052097141557016,0.06449727477059297,0.0,0.05350917383978897,0.06823461059622826,0.0511193117842739,0.036542627263684534,0.0,0.04969651370186351,0.0,0.11140985838661104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510393229223884,0.0,0.1262747482967925,0.17604403976247396,0.0,0.0,0.1196908452005422 bpd,certainturtle,2018/02/04,"I'm shit at making decisions. Do i keep trying or do i give up. Alright I'll try to keep this brief. But lol I am not that good at that. Also just like everyone, I've had a very complicated and eventful past. I'm in love with my ""ex"". I don't like using that word. We dated for ~1.5 years. The first time I feel like I ever really felt love (I don't think I love my family or ever have. I don't truly love any of my friends but I'm getting there with one). Classic bpd person, I went through so many cycles of love and hate and anger and depression and extreme anxiety and accusations and threats and manipulation and emotional abuse. Classic. We broke up in late November. We went a month or so basically no contact. But we talk a lot now. I don't want to lose him. I still love him. I know he still cares about me and has feelings for me despite the fact that he won't say it (he's a strong believer in repressing emotions. Classic). Last night we hung out. I thought I could handle it. I could be friendly with him. We drank some wine. I cried. I told him I missed him. I told him I loved him. I asked for another chance even though I know I don't deserve it. He told me he wasn't ready. That I was making him uncomfortable. That he was giving me a chance. That he needed to get to know me again and trust me again before wanting to get more involved again. He ""needs time to process"" all the hurt I've caused. He needs to trust that I won't hurt him again like I have. I can't promise that to him right now. I've made a lot of strides in managing things (at least my actions, thoughts not so much yet) these past 7 months. Meds and consistent therapy has really helped. He said, ""either you really have changed and I need time to get to know you again and trust you or you're still the same person and just trying to convince me otherwise like you've done so many times"". ""Be patient"", he says. ""I understand"", I reply. ""I don't know if I can do that"", I think to myself and don't say aloud. ""I'm afraid you will find someone new or just forget about me forever"" I say while sobbing. ""First off the latter won't happen and that's just your abandonment issues talking. And secondly I am not interested in anything with anyone right now so don't worry about that"". I ruined my chance to start gradual and just be his friend and talk about this stuff when he's ready. I feel like such an idiot. This just set me back again. I know I am not mentally ready to be back with him. But I fucking want him back. He's not ready for that. But is it even worth waiting? I know I'm attractive. I've hooked up with boys since him. And one of them had to call our hook-ups because he started to like me but knew I couldn't reciprocate. But part of me wants to prove to myself that yes, I can wait. I am not a patient person. But I've changed. I know I have. Truly. I haven't been in a blind rage in maybe 1.5 months. That used to be a weekly occurrence. Anxiety and depression have decreased considerably. I still split on my friends when they don't reply to my texts, etc., but it's to a lesser degree. I'm so much more stable. I'm finding my passions again. I'm building my friendships that I abandoned in the past 2 years. I have changed. I know I've said that to him like 20 times. Or ""I can change"". But I really finally feel like I can. I also fucking love him. And I know he still cares about me and has feelings for me. And I just don't want to give up yet. Part of me wishes I would want to give up. But the bigger part wants to prove to me and him that I can fucking do this. If you read this entire thing. Congrats. U r a superstar.",0.4284837578442229,2.63400588492064,2.182551987203152,95.07196566998894,86.05026455026457,5.526861080349454,19.63725852097945,6.9265101639786515,0.20596867232681149,2803,82,640,38,86,919,285,756,0.147,0.665,0.187,0.988,0,0,1,0,1,0,116.0,7,6,2,4,49,56,9,2,19,3,55,16,1,7,6,140,141,57,0,18,33,1,6,9,4,5,1,6,0,4,32,39,2,7,28,2,1,4,24,22,0,5,20,13,118,34,68,108,15,77,0,11,1,12,85,22,5,11,59,409,150,2,0.0,0.058757402773497586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931604843478712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03372368211011065,0.052000644024113134,0.07587418702967297,0.0,0.0,0.03467528467628925,0.0,0.040809290474240194,0.0,0.04636103032798507,0.0,0.0,0.11439759831063033,0.0,0.03023030435458115,0.0,0.0421984155350345,0.055872243272005184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245831658424843,0.0,0.0506381081079482,0.0,0.10112296367576662,0.05094377089193672,0.20984344183686465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918899497283033,0.0,0.05447354893860695,0.0,0.0,0.0854255685348827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507489634630536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156673646220916,0.0,0.0,0.05530724035214854,0.06550897287914015,0.08971606746562127,0.0,0.04738646838473212,0.0,0.0,0.04675012210671835,0.0,0.12537387579018205,0.10628378101054656,0.047615280305505936,0.054324680115307784,0.09065082417064348,0.08436441260476499,0.0,0.0,0.15325599588266745,0.13753865541530932,0.10363731494202223,0.1902893969991863,0.0,0.041594703237573284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385328959179941,0.0,0.0,0.048960993094513384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03323990207189205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617670209273238,0.0,0.0,0.05176027573498767,0.0,0.08815778423365972,0.0,0.0,0.2725399876146658,0.04042340556175138,0.055940976503796216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21804957563473448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547981119649741,0.0,0.0843212435600212,0.35806358763977103,0.0469243445775999,0.06620495454373074,0.10055528360189088,0.04982097502431413,0.0,0.055084587402085855,0.0,0.049976214580716084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874954684899072,0.0,0.0729104016041911,0.1470848354996571,0.0,0.04789544106301817,0.0,0.04653793426719919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672084924554694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16110714636735973,0.14202109022663498,0.0,0.1299032363745419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960456941803716,0.0,0.12707744050700656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470114116476403,0.09434507857915768,0.15774748962040586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090460216251,0.04102231120206978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042018419913819764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020174150655724,0.0,0.19801777964698916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677000142576865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195784621014846,0.0,0.0,0.05671180119179785,0.0,0.06589231213642519,0.06355201219964278,0.04872305244711294,0.07873966639551704,0.14458498993352786,0.0,0.0,0.14215940515419634,0.0,0.101007405477759,0.0,0.0,0.05162613539784691,0.0,0.08566166131842211,0.0,0.040917891818011344,0.20475101323780776,0.0,0.03977902871553796,0.0,0.0,0.09194298455748233,0.0,0.0,0.057027374353194826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036221937531315,0.0,0.03522812965775588,0.0,0.0,0.06387014854177242 bpd,problematiquemuser,2018/02/04,"Feel like giving up on love You’d think it gets easier but it never does. I express how I feel and yet it is not what is expected of me. I need to constantly suppress my feelings, it is exhausting. I guess people like me are meant to be alone forever.",0.03736263736263723,2.378808230769234,2.7379120879120897,88.6642307692308,91.69230769230772,6.817582417582417,20.89010989010989,7.957251820313856,1.3953263736263737,196,7,41,5,7,68,40,52,0.101,0.7020000000000001,0.197,0.5346,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,14,16,3,0,2,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,8,3,5,13,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,29,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986135391967665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115725065829432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25231159620491145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373511886774143,0.205976536043478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063579033629648,0.27658371625727096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31761801930125383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817180937546575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602209037591369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378632256509014,0.22237088216068032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988543573488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474441547449733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,devgemini,2018/02/04,"Impulsivity - spending Lately within the last week i’ve been going through what seems like every “stage” of my BPD and i’m currently dealing with the impulses. I chopped off my hair after a shower, took out my favorite piercing, bought too many clothing items online, and I’m still itching for more. the small bit of gratification is overwhelming to me since lately it seems like nothing is going my way. I KNOW this won’t last, and soon i’ll be regretting spending so much money unnecessarily. rationally I know I shouldn’t be spending money on things that I don’t need. that being said, I guess my question is.. for those of you who have similar tendencies, how would you feel about having someone else “control” your money? i’m thinking maybe my husband should have “control” of all the funds so I don’t keep doing this. if I don’t have the access to the money I can’t spend it. but the BPD in me is screaming “are you kidding?!”. so.. I don’t really know if it’s a good idea? I would just like some feedback on what others think. thank you in advance!",5.042037815126047,6.120442377450986,5.768347338935572,79.65970588235297,68.85294117647061,7.985434173669468,29.76750700280112,8.192908349453996,2.075068347338936,831,31,156,11,14,271,122,204,0.027000000000000003,0.8759999999999999,0.097,0.9104,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,0,3,9,8,0,1,9,0,24,2,2,3,1,32,44,10,0,8,4,1,2,3,0,5,1,2,1,1,13,5,0,3,10,0,10,4,7,3,0,0,4,4,24,5,19,32,6,23,0,2,0,0,11,8,0,7,12,108,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051212592821786,0.0,0.3472705582836282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092531052387363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421320556285591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516794519702647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615663180692662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970834025139086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670293511079084,0.1156340468724444,0.0,0.0,0.15187308643001307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556320312424163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254013805581597,0.0,0.0,0.2272998669261932,0.22475563519582886,0.31103390555204163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206062220190946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977277720771847,0.13850323509432813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134613472818298,0.10222464303477387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228452889671433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443958503631153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831941069568484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311405346048005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251012989930662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404278639187833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681198709531067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009862040603996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692693901266422,0.0,0.0,0.0915909252507226,0.1766757732482958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317232715246915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943027654960268,0.11058643800775417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586970835237308,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,B-e-a-utiful_day,2018/02/04,"Our BPD is not an excuse for shit behaviour I'm not going to comment on posts trying to justify other people's decisions. I'm perfectly happy to give support to others and offer up my own experiences etc. But when people are consistently making wrong decisions, something needs re-evaluating. We need to take responsibility and not play the victim, we'd feel so much more empowerment and confidence if we did this.",7.296400000000002,8.725239173333335,8.825333333333337,58.50600000000003,63.93333333333333,11.866666666666667,33.66666666666667,11.602472056035307,4.712066666666667,338,14,50,11,5,118,61,75,0.115,0.7020000000000001,0.184,0.7917,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,4,0,0,1,2,7,2,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,1,17,14,7,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,5,4,8,12,4,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,1,1,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30021579137879445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658430108166719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331693635115553,0.0,0.0,0.12052587836819333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22866403161077026,0.13546986507633302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537468640276007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911230007883193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522769676174865,0.3534932792319727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33050831924536056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22829037913040914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468103302827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835071118625697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27049685710992816,0.0,0.0,0.17922285573173274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183603096699384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26061767571455,0.0,0.0 bpd,skabrain,2018/02/04,"My DBT therapist is leaving me. Whirlwind. Is my trauma even real trauma? I’ve come to this forum because honestly I’m feeling lost and like no one around me quite understands. Hoping kindred spirits can help shed some light. Last week my DBT therapist told me he was leaving for another job in 2 weeks, after roughly 5 months of working with me. Since that moment, all the hard work I’ve put in to creating a semblance of order and peace in my life has just gone out of the window. I feel like I was really starting to make some progress but the news has shaken my foundations and as a result I’ve been thrown into whirlpools of confusing emotions and thoughts on a daily basis. The panic attacks/overwhelming crises were starting to dissipate but are back again in full force, and even harder to deal with now I have a job and other obligations that I had, until now, been able to keep up with. I’ve met with my new therapist once, and he seems very much on my wavelength, so I know hope is not lost. But it will take time to build a relationship with him. And in the meantime, I have been trying to analyse this shitstorm of emotions myself... It’s too much to begin to express, yet a single thought (epiphany?) has been replaying in my mind. BPD/C-PTSD/Panic disorder (my diagnoses) are all rooted in trauma, and I will soon be receiving EMDR on top of DBT (aaaall the anacronyms). I am going to have to delve into the painful experiences that have caused my negative thought patterns. But these experiences aren’t actually that traumatic? I’ve been put down and invalidated by a series of friends since childhood, at it’s very worst I’d say it was emotional bullying (being told I am pathetic, weak, annoying, worthless, ugly, abrasive, being avoided, talked about, standard teenage bullshit). I’ve never been physically abused and I have incredibly loving parents. When I consider the extremity of my issues now it just doesn’t make sense. What happened to me has happened to most people in their lives. Why has something so insignificant caused me to literally start hyperventilating and hitting myself when I drop a spoon because I suddenly think I’m so awful as a human being I deserve to die (and it’s painful to live)? I feel like I’m living some kind of lie and really I just am this shit, worthless person who can’t deal with reality. I don’t know what’s real in my self and I don’t have a supportive figure to help me figure it out anymore, so I guess I’m seeking some kind of external validation that trauma doesn’t have to be physical or extreme to have a huge impact on your psyche. I don’t want to start blaming myself for this sickness again. :( Sorry for the word vomit, I hope it’s okay to pop up and ask for support like this, I’m in a bit of a weird interim. Thanks x",4.733899253731341,6.289454889925377,5.728910447761197,77.85601492537316,70.06343283582089,8.64358208955224,30.75074626865672,9.120678840339163,2.7579053731343293,2215,93,401,44,40,731,272,536,0.204,0.682,0.115,-0.9963,4,1,1,0,1,0,67.0,0,1,1,7,22,34,2,3,22,2,47,9,1,6,3,78,93,30,1,4,9,1,5,4,1,2,7,1,1,3,23,28,0,2,13,0,0,6,11,18,0,1,20,7,46,16,72,65,13,61,1,4,0,1,25,26,1,12,31,268,69,5,0.07301766254693963,0.08651399018158497,0.07125470572136196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656538570774585,0.0,0.0,0.07241390081534597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650012003102095,0.06826165782148155,0.0,0.0,0.05614607538726901,0.0,0.08902177872634646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971637609246121,0.0,0.09196318987341694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001850615309545,0.0,0.06289825085849472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150556007782183,0.0,0.07411139047542185,0.0757808057215227,0.0,0.08368456723240739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24640512736983836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645495493255422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285056992369488,0.0,0.0,0.11075977235703888,0.104327665426305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641326495562219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414976203181195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043718737951881,0.0,0.12913855569144994,0.0,0.06540948351150452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788440011788953,0.0,0.0,0.21756904305290334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621146911470772,0.14491752653535278,0.06490145343065787,0.0,0.15207331856398967,0.08025719551790512,0.059519140513354815,0.0,0.15463032343806998,0.0,0.0,0.05157453444572798,0.14269096662334596,0.0,0.19342780132361764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941480827366822,0.0,0.06590129124849309,0.0,0.0974797134830481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372702417661459,0.0,0.05828200161583207,0.0,0.10735276698386527,0.0,0.056315722752310886,0.070520913489689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776142757378122,0.04947865785376593,0.0,0.1553918821558684,0.17134098892912314,0.08107747320059977,0.0,0.0,0.05062125342892922,0.06375620651345007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535374008211741,0.14680583694679095,0.0,0.07766327204040943,0.0,0.16622017115825424,0.09355396870335228,0.0,0.0,0.07839364347803761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05806657597170499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647253763111724,0.07617334659694115,0.0,0.07495158131242786,0.12080193000506685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621256394886588,0.0,0.08173729517721763,0.20672910948228196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571915631963613,0.0,0.0,0.05490019507507338,0.05868883129533116,0.0,0.06722485344087144,0.0,0.2543374021585381,0.0,0.046786769836087684,0.0,0.1739036037306506,0.042577186223608184,0.0,0.0,0.13954301133357155,0.0,0.04957419986412175,0.0,0.0,0.07601396181754068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049443725893502,0.043067709192587934,0.0,0.11714072907529173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588708327772325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063154559406716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,foup8,2018/02/04,"My friends (all male, 24s) had a talk with me (23, F) about my “clevage”. Yesterday I invited my 3 male friends over for dinner. One of them (let’s call him T, came in early for helping me out). T and I used to have feelings for each other but I ended up cheating on him (several times). We did not talk for years but currently we are trying to be friends again even though he still has feelings for me. The other two friends are originally T’s friends from high school but I am currently trying to be friends with them too. Anyway, the other friends came and we played several games and had small talks. During the conversations I constantly checked my phone since I am trying to create an online magazine about literature and I am really occupied by incoming e-mails. Then we went out to grab a coffee. It was my neighbourhood so I was leading the way and I was walking in front of them. One of my friends told me to slow down several times and I did but I am a fast-walker and I was ahead of them again and again. The evening ended pretty well (at least that’s what I thought until I got a text from T at 3.00 am telling me that we needed to talk tomorrow and that it is very important). I met him today and he told me that they were really uncomfortable with me constantly checking my phone and was not really “there” and that they felt “unwanted”. While T and I were alone I was again emailing people so why did I call him to come in early to help me out etc. He then told me that my t-shirt was not appropriate and they all felt uncomfortable because of seeing my “boobs and bra”. They all know that I have Borderline Personality Disorder and T also knows that I used to use my sexuality in order to have more intimacy with people (which is true for people that I am flirting with but I would never try to do that with a friend). So he accused me of trying to use my sexuality so that I could manipulate them to be closer to me emotionally. I was really hurt by all of this because I did not show off my bra intentionally and the way he put it was not kind. He also showed some texts where he talked with the other male friends and they were joking about my aunt being bipolar, telling me I am somehow “crippled” etc. I tried to laugh it off and did not say much but I really feel hurt. How do I talk to T and my other friends about this? Should I end or somehow restrict the friendship? tl;dr: My friends came in for dinner and was really uncomfortable with my dress since they could see my bra and boobs and they thought I was doing this intentionally. One of them had a talk with me about this and I am really hurt now. How do I continue my friendship? Should I end it? ",3.3966934189406115,4.92905037078652,4.704151952916,83.98168539325846,73.38202247191012,8.156875334403423,26.01016586409845,8.77342768361299,1.7972143392188331,2094,71,435,41,42,694,210,534,0.087,0.773,0.14,0.9832,3,1,0,0,0,0,49.0,5,0,13,2,29,23,1,0,15,0,52,5,2,11,6,96,78,44,0,7,13,1,6,0,12,3,1,1,0,4,27,46,2,1,9,5,2,9,7,4,1,4,35,9,87,19,68,33,11,63,0,3,2,2,69,20,2,4,31,329,114,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601072590516117,0.0,0.09282191150450417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075578501272041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852143626181895,0.19913139930831492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04999243083089157,0.0,0.1254314818873675,0.0,0.09267322349703502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665136928591426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528210836963208,0.20560885265031947,0.0,0.12944981175521802,0.07666377994534078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803345375790753,0.0,0.11144633203490213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380568536158867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641627836227319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777999234561547,0.06131767543329868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18638455848430516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043502606008984,0.06378956872166085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593452146254461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04266275854013585,0.043032576174129616,0.04476054319412509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797903820527356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070349219943352,0.050674346276089285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059042951571146834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834169113577504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602531208630786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615214641473805,0.0,0.05873500838355208,0.09249353406613517,0.0,0.0,0.1966907340284069,0.0,0.09601510451543642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634721265475904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265270670205004,0.10145114242789233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057019568570585585,0.09214738366685096,0.0676819150995596,0.0,0.055010853116658084,0.1663661766458901,0.0,0.23641370536165135,0.0,0.05669223518402211,0.0,0.0,0.2004960989140766,0.0,0.04788535243791256,0.0,0.09213173206728556,0.0,0.0,0.0521808700830554,0.053799475292011394,0.05236799765419741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122674286087172,0.0,0.0,0.03737294906085956 bpd,revJJcreepers,2018/02/04,"My mother is a borderline and she has snuffed out any attempt I have made at independence. I’m 22 and I’m mentally ill as well. I was so sick while I was trying to find a treatment plan and by the time I did I had missed my teenage years and now I’m here. I’m trapped at home with no way out. Read 🔽 She has kept me from driving so I can’t leave the house People have offered to help but she becomes violent when it seems that I’m gonna break free She’s I my head too. She has a way of attacking me that makes me feel like it’s my fault even when she’s the one who attacked me. My pastor at church has tried to get me jobs but she attacks him too but he could help me anyway cuz I can’t drive to the job. I’m at the point of giving up. Most days I just lay in my bed until late in the afternoon but she screams and yells about that too. I’m gaining weight and I’m physically aching now when she screams at me. I’ve even tried just giving her the control she wants but it’s still not been enough to appease her. Is there any advice the can be given for breaking from of this madness?",-0.29244227491089697,1.7191001338912173,1.5383728498372875,99.79932434526577,87.41004184100419,4.712288857895553,18.89369285603595,6.0378880255834675,-0.3990289477762281,848,24,210,7,27,277,134,239,0.17800000000000002,0.7170000000000001,0.105,-0.9574,2,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,20,12,5,0,11,0,18,4,1,5,0,29,38,20,0,2,8,1,2,1,0,1,2,3,2,0,8,9,1,2,3,1,1,2,4,9,1,1,8,5,35,4,26,27,2,30,2,1,0,0,21,11,0,2,14,135,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319672679721085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367443809968972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4609095277950801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491498214579228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146772969392738,0.10782477805821396,0.0,0.0,0.08709473849667015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954060568135415,0.0,0.1783957597627883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828428791658549,0.09647826361547604,0.0,0.0,0.1234313555860559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705569661921255,0.2591005480661588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385981309574319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103955302416566,0.0,0.1354640785219899,0.0,0.0,0.15582717197213145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26802845190582153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233994011291854,0.14299625172905409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659775939449096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778561064811625,0.09014553767832433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609654339480476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091511968110272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362522611630586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766393916411936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508446950256722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294255761516505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078494462486486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787475302874123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27506602607122665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965476432005926,0.21438951160669897,0.0,0.16445198884244552,0.1214243019348508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696643508892392 bpd,thebeautifulransom,2018/02/04,Ever think you're doing something right Genuinely thought I was doing the right thing. So my boyfriend had a free food somewhere and I went to get it. They made me pay for it and I accidently ordered the wrong thing. He's so mad at me because he thinks I wasnt listening but I got confused and honestly tried to get it right. I'm so angry with myself. Like this has really set me off and I can't stop crying. I'm so angry I can't do one fucking thing right. ,0.5080599812558582,2.726681886597941,2.568678537956888,92.35258669165889,85.8041237113402,5.589128397375821,21.189315838800376,6.980632752743323,0.5381628865979384,361,12,79,5,11,121,64,97,0.192,0.6659999999999999,0.141,-0.752,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,1,3,0,9,2,0,1,1,13,21,9,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,5,1,1,3,0,2,1,3,4,0,1,7,1,13,4,6,14,0,11,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,3,49,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098245595744198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999850274417877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468424183545013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22014840816914988,0.0,0.0,0.16831209711546913,0.1902383053473543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561049865034326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894561614793657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227014800551013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336897879717945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166326865157418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6219150530939962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015914963657197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522108192512862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36285893174475853,0.2333141708474008,0.0,0.14453578527269878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360720110880045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687720063046638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990546929634387,0.0,0.0 bpd,darla124,2018/02/04,Is there any way to stop hating yourself? I've never found an answer to this. I don't even know where to begin. ,-0.3562499999999993,1.8152458750000025,1.788333333333334,96.49000000000002,90.25,3.2,12.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.5857333333333334,87,1,19,0,3,29,21,24,0.224,0.7759999999999999,0.0,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29534533055271817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868573067731248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4761979133720009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287906831310409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868512479767026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.334966235151028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631021613630607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447346393304321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpd_ash,2018/02/04,I’m thinking of leaving My son is one and I’m worried I see too much of myself in him already. I think he would be better off with his dad and a new mommy. He wouldn’t even remember me. I know I have to either get better or die but I don’t know if I can be better. ,-1.579976958525343,0.11046685483871244,1.9481566820276512,96.8708064516129,90.12903225806451,4.188018433179724,16.921658986175114,5.288315135182226,-0.7258599078341015,203,5,51,1,7,74,45,62,0.07,0.7959999999999999,0.134,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,14,16,5,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,11,3,6,12,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,1,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505293456603473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6023593683200628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356176242042725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994883669786574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861195597370625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495356119954253,0.0,0.0,0.240388242718754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668905712182823,0.0,0.0,0.21926357122957332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383900581845308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571767247409241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091069661814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29093877923338585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23055639180249185,0.0,0.16127308455798262,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loatheaway,2018/02/04,SO keeps delaying marriage and tells me my impulse is not improving and causing colitis flare up. Please help! My SO has had ulcerative colitis for almost our entire 7 year relationship. His flare ups sometimes last 6 to 9 months and asked me to reduce my impulses. He has been very helpful but my impulses are not in my control. his ulcerative colitis becomes painful at stressful time and health care here is very expensive. I feel like I gotten better but its not enough. I dont want to hurt him and he never blames me but sometimes i feel better if he did blame me. I love him and he helps me so much but i feel like i have no self worth without marriage. I know i sound stupid but im trying. i am fine breaking our relationship if this is not my bpd rage but i still want him in my life. sometimes i feel like leaving and sometimes i feel like holding onto him tight. and sometimes i feel like having him there and being married to someone else. i am so lost. please help,2.3326562499999994,4.789712786458335,3.5185833333333365,86.93475000000002,79.98958333333334,6.34,26.266666666666666,7.554174236665415,1.5464741666666668,773,32,150,12,20,250,105,192,0.103,0.603,0.294,0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,0,4,7,16,2,1,0,0,15,6,0,2,1,39,30,21,0,4,13,0,7,5,0,0,5,1,0,1,2,9,0,5,7,0,2,0,8,6,0,0,5,8,36,10,12,24,2,14,0,2,0,1,25,6,0,3,12,97,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734465372195646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088091701344828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736398477318644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195377917856042,0.0,0.0,0.1224362152034912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911500677352084,0.0998644029700848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903250748493666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393276757979172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120888446391387,0.0,0.0,0.10044688835139264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949225085137261,0.34724449297036714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033327421356855,0.0,0.0,0.2606389685785106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406839519511832,0.0,0.10500658873337564,0.0,0.0,0.08640727154194072,0.0,0.0,0.05342565474068737,0.07924146940368824,0.0,0.1029344000763158,0.0,0.0,0.06866432979444016,0.23746650590765656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611933861409087,0.0,0.08773841673602936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759439077905379,0.0,0.07146264988860596,0.0,0.0749765635547532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344135490895487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342109244591706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20874049751154305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141423181982416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236815502607582,0.0,0.4807301043000711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763432896970067,0.0,0.11135702190088308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496833913473988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668561021435041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600116211126565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604216085954086,0.11467734684460547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370974416415012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260190539550628 bpd,basherella,2018/02/05,"How to not fuck something up before it starts So there's this guy. This really really nice guy. Who I've known forever, and somehow (I am still not sure how) we ended up spending Friday night together. And it was pretty great all around. But I ruin everything I touch. And I want to reach out, because he's rather awkward, to say the least, but I have no idea how. In person I'm great. In person I can be super charming and fun and awesome, I can make people think I'm good and interesting and I have my shit together. But I just can't figure out how to make the leap to in person. I know I know it's just sending a message saying hey do you want to hang out. But I can't make myself because I'd rather abandon myself than be abandoned. I'm terrified. One night. One freaking night. And I want to try so badly but I hate myself so much that I can't even figure out how to try. Help? ",0.43995109395109466,2.6437630594594625,2.6435521235521264,91.80036036036041,85.97297297297297,5.253539253539254,19.079794079794077,6.655083550727371,0.16843886743886793,686,19,147,8,21,232,99,185,0.182,0.589,0.228,0.8046,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,1,0,1,17,18,3,1,3,0,12,2,1,8,2,48,27,21,0,5,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,7,14,0,2,7,0,1,2,6,9,0,2,1,3,21,9,19,24,3,18,0,3,0,1,15,10,2,1,6,99,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906867728033665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167830882099544,0.16306938012687786,0.0,0.11381409500416904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846560724419365,0.0,0.0,0.08834270633576162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120208723390561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365264900516905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218581185876536,0.0,0.2949266809151081,0.0,0.2648733309094565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205356288628844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896519294474146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099104674092195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701448691625746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678438357453616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832396868173952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765548638375281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126921706487054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927276059409722,0.3503643228927945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607505749299867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137140936895204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127317760950069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729570537697688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296972369718728,0.0,0.0,0.09467118108560152,0.0,0.1068154531373146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260607784042197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570362965632068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816192432411098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23667325261300756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,raccoons_are_pets,2018/02/05,"Today a co-worker screamed at me Today a coworker screamed at me at work because of something... He never screamed at me and we have worked together for a year. Now I hate him, I am angry with him. I have fantasies about beating him, screaming back at him or even killing him. geez ",2.8243636363636355,4.921940890909092,3.503636363636364,89.53545454545456,76.45454545454545,5.854545454545455,31.0,6.742157984588678,1.7052909090909094,219,11,43,2,5,69,37,55,0.374,0.626,0.0,-0.9716,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,3,4,6,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,12,0,9,4,0,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,6,33,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087839996028185,0.0,0.16551756187804822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933801368505428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680722003020036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30039935524453004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094148478883169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903124302495052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5147430578609926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5930147198478211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485155192989166 bpd,SincereAnon,2018/02/05,"Every single friendship I've ever had has ended terribly. I have never had a healthy relationship in my life. I've had 6-7 best friends throughout my lifetime. Every single one has ended on terribly traumatic terms. Years ago, I used to point the finger at them, and only share some of the blame with myself. Now I'm becoming aware of this pattern which is making me really reflect on myself and my actions that may be causing this problem. When a friendship ends, it affects me deeply and feels like 1000 pounds of guilt and loneliness dumped on me at once. Most recently, one of my best friends, who knows about my BPD and told me she would be supportive and understanding about it, dropped out of my life because I changed my mind about wanting to be roommates with her. It was shitty of me and I held myself accountable for that poor decision. I asked her to forgive me and understand, and I told her I don't want it to ruin our friendship. She (seemingly) forgave me and we talked a bit after that. Suddenly, she starts ditching and ignoring me. She didn't even have the audacity to explain why or at least tell me how she feels. And to make matters worse, in the meantime, she suddenly became best friends with another ex-best friend of mine that ended terribly as well. So now I get to see these two (who hate me) suck each other's asses on social media while I'm alone, sulking like a little bitch on Reddit. I can't figure it out and I am begging someone to give me a fucking wake up call. But my 'friends' rather just give up and bail. Why am I not worthy of someone just openly communicating with me? I don't know how to have a healthy relationship.",5.130968564146134,6.222012831775705,5.686747380345513,80.27943288020393,68.65732087227414,8.57779665817049,31.41333899745115,8.841846274778883,2.566656074766355,1313,54,246,22,22,424,178,321,0.181,0.68,0.139,-0.9354,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,0,1,3,15,26,5,1,10,0,21,6,3,7,2,61,49,22,0,5,6,0,3,2,5,2,2,0,0,0,16,23,0,2,12,0,2,1,6,12,1,3,8,4,48,14,41,36,11,37,0,1,1,2,33,17,4,5,20,179,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320030182161547,0.0,0.0,0.09720957256514776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841929961494876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774545430998645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057215548721761336,0.10365984334268616,0.0,0.0,0.39399673688335535,0.0,0.10246967125339204,0.0,0.1182120700370558,0.0,0.09584048865816558,0.0,0.0,0.09641900297626817,0.09929033073512346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33252470661797834,0.0,0.0,0.06199295557060752,0.08490079969086048,0.15816043792821874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491581711610728,0.06705285728535734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625759848659117,0.08677109287133415,0.04903743089142276,0.18007612721225574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092666287874817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316485574934063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259071344564738,0.09170949030450064,0.0940713320566197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530316459565474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477078989524013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238981348240438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995672545924186,0.12720251604146704,0.07138396587317107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872705179869234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981034545206107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012845093687861,0.0,0.09267439632571896,0.20153878711779052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479343637919424,0.08544566891172906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567738622584653,0.15905277853587071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643385250787649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651003156971478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544027392945046,0.0820368649915746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937251036693436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168656227144746,0.1954209676836503,0.0,0.08106400285064391,0.0,0.0,0.11072088870378356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439047391090959,0.0,0.1693862188487429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565029527968416,0.06667470976038686,0.0,0.0,0.060442090706310174 bpd,live-eat-ski,2018/02/05,Splitting with food I am currently going through diagnosis for BPD and also for a plethora of other things and an Eating Disorder. Today I recognized with my dietician that my emotional habits with food tend to fit “splitting” which I also tend to do which relationships. Select foods become safe foods and ones that are reliable to eat and then out of the blue or one bad occurrence and then they completely repulse me and are a fear food. My ED diagnosis is currently OSFED. has anyone else seen a common trend like this? ,6.278030075187968,8.137997705263157,6.719699248120303,71.05789473684213,66.6842105263158,10.4812030075188,31.46616541353384,10.608840637214634,3.818669172932331,422,17,68,12,7,137,66,95,0.13,0.779,0.091,-0.7178,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,6,7,0,0,0,12,10,11,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,10,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,2,8,2,12,9,0,9,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,7,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844382605336714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112719493783268,0.13353471866508373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881703556280788,0.0,0.1439351839945929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414144091378116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664466959104996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936525654102098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667127278622872,0.10887091934974734,0.14659957138176735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665334569963592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7879555324825945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406745245445293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636708581421949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766249780107884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992169711248653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658301768848102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353411508380313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,13thBaronet,2018/02/05,"Feeling Forced to Stop Meds About two weeks ago I suddenly developed neck spasms which became so severe that I had to go to the ER and get IV muscle relaxers and Ativan before I could even hold my head straight. I've never experienced anything like this before and it was TERRIFYING. I was on 4 mg of Risperdal a day at the time, and was having mild side effects like tics and tremors. All the research that we did pointed to extra pyramidal side effects from the Risperdal, particularly the fact that it occurred in my neck. I stopped the Risperdal immediately and informed my psychiatrist. I'm scared to take anymore antipsychotics at all for fear of having another incident, and he hasn't put me on anything else, so I'm just going cold turkey. I'm having a lot of rebound and withdrawal effects and life has been kind of hellish, to be honest. Does anyone have any suggestions? Be it other medications I could try or anything else? I have been meditating and practicing some DBT techniques, but my day to day existence is still extremely uncomfortable. I am lucky enough to have a scrip for 2 mg klonopin BID but often even that doesn't work. Also take 40 mg Prozac and 100 mg trazadone, just for a complete picture. The Risperdal was very good at controlling my agitation and I'm a mess without it. Thanks for reading! I need some help!",6.213621176470588,7.517659067999999,6.24049411764706,76.51412941176471,66.32,9.402352941176472,34.70588235294117,9.627879704456738,3.369263529411765,1077,50,192,22,17,341,150,250,0.13,0.794,0.076,-0.8993,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,5,10,12,1,2,12,0,23,7,3,4,4,40,35,18,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,11,13,0,4,5,2,0,3,4,4,1,1,8,3,16,8,25,23,7,24,1,0,0,0,5,10,0,6,13,120,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774012975185448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062190052027764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032461995268926,0.13927715228239912,0.0,0.0,0.13172534557219848,0.09287336714629173,0.0,0.3279075790647008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604624449741875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926304410193815,0.0,0.1489729900496564,0.2120977137669043,0.0,0.0,0.2569807503748843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623484962447013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219141908454728,0.0,0.0,0.1372423109773779,0.0,0.17545750370554505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494635056822069,0.06715961587924425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939486215125375,0.0,0.15097345441359675,0.11140615516750796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631535922367674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902887626876657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831536634957384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381725464441566,0.12978182832893342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292189645290295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753710481846832,0.133805828783799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984870351933432,0.10244176818498643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255612583434581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352442960601935,0.0,0.0,0.13285956930716358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329796202419285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005288990116278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607311877801932,0.22209299647799466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19973367231482156,0.0,0.0,0.12228614880338813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745052407959882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017852283939932,0.0,0.12974938193718324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959340132728472,0.0,0.0,0.10654310045642552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803723501314918,0.0,0.09669718117493667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,altered_carbon88,2018/02/05,"Not a diagnosis request! I haven't been diagnosed with bpd even though I'm fairly certain it is why I am the way I am.... After years of anti depressants and counselling self harm and suicide attempts I got referred to a psychologist. We talked, in depth about my problems my past my feelings etc etc. She had me start practicing 'mindfulness' ... which she taught to me by having me examine a biro in minute detail, sniffing it looking at it from all angles and so on. I felt like an idiot. Anyway. After doing my own reading and my albeit limited psychology experience ( I studied it at a level and degree... just never finished the degree) I pressured her for a referral to be diagnosed. She didn't want to do it. She told me she felt I would use it as an excuse not to practice the mindfulness and consequently get better. I explained I was seeking validation for my feelings rather than being brushed off as 'over reacting' it's so hard to explain to people that sometimes I genuinely feel as strongly as I do about things and that I'm not exaggerating... that when I'm angry I'm not going ott but genuinely feeling what I say I am so need the space I am requesting and so on She reluctantly referred me to the personality disorder team to get a diagnosis which she cannot give.... My point is, is this a common occurance? A: reluctance to diagnose B: assumptions about your reactions/behaviours C: devaluing of your feelings/reactions etc? TL:DR my psych made me smell a biro to help me get better. Said don't need diagnosis because its an excuse.",4.7095041691483015,6.576147154109592,6.3339070875521175,72.26398153662895,70.60958904109589,9.598808814770695,32.901131625967835,9.971965246562196,3.703466468135796,1227,59,210,33,23,420,165,292,0.104,0.83,0.066,-0.8253,0,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,1,2,0,6,13,10,1,1,17,0,21,3,0,3,3,42,49,19,1,6,7,0,7,1,0,1,3,2,0,2,16,10,0,1,11,2,0,1,9,5,0,0,11,12,41,5,36,35,5,23,0,1,1,0,26,12,0,0,10,160,57,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404885885838176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148661263162477,0.0,0.0,0.1529910852048124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046245812337967,0.3698778414650191,0.0,0.0,0.1392186675277773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064237647077028,0.08023182019253966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882397590184846,0.0,0.0,0.2456817456820237,0.0,0.2332664024476075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039400372693813,0.1165280419886344,0.06903594769412799,0.0,0.097153114605722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108816015178308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142084142182858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059345608451267184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200678896352654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494076036724404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453063547105645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014149140499633,0.09368752377803162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159597947559963,0.08421413510318418,0.10606560338392966,0.0,0.0,0.11483131914913912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623332718074215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215059470286278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554871108388776,0.09660026456527647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672290919431245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013997692635855,0.0,0.08597926748368794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287182783245072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763545611710364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070131322550138,0.0,0.11934667912991265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607272848003765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491373480963792,0.0,0.0,0.07164796671068849,0.09641967258227968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961055597912127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629098702662005,0.0,0.0,0.07822467744882076 bpd,keniselvis,2018/02/05,"Hope for teenagers who exhibit BPD symptoms? Last February my sweet wife and I took in a 16 year old girl who exhibits symptoms of BPD. To say that this last year has been difficult is an understatement. We constantly feel defeated. We feel unable to help her. But if we she leaves our home, her next stop is a group home hours away because she has no family that will take her. We really love this girl and want to help her, but after a year of having her live with us, we feel like we have made very little progress and yet she has created a HUGE disturbance in our lives and the lives of our four other kids. We are thisclose to having her leave. My sweet wife just listened to Stop Walking on Egg Shells and it gave her a lot more empathy for what must be going on in our daughter's head. I'm 90 minutes into it and it's already been helpful. She has not been officially diagnosed, nor will she be since she isn't 18. Last summer she had a psych eval done and it was pretty eye opening. We have a therapist who comes to our home weekly and that's been helpful. Later this moth we are taking her to her second meeting with a child psychologist who has the ability to prescribe meds, which our daughter is actually open to trying. Any help, wisdom, thoughts, experience, suggestions, potential meds, is GREATLY appreciated!",4.674643962848297,6.2058047450980425,5.238720330237361,81.40792569659443,70.17647058823529,8.662538699690401,28.71517027863777,9.134995656068208,2.3686470588235293,1050,39,201,21,19,337,147,255,0.05,0.748,0.201,0.993,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,16,0,0,2,2,10,0,1,11,0,28,7,2,1,1,39,44,12,0,4,5,4,3,1,0,3,3,2,3,4,17,23,1,2,4,0,0,4,4,3,0,2,11,8,35,7,24,28,2,32,0,1,1,1,56,11,0,3,18,135,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.10027782457832517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133969576803832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987954880377997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654533193343108,0.0,0.0,0.06264084750893012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588423747857827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851765931833347,0.0,0.11104582230715364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429808021959314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515799127386763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051788332224863,0.0968719082534484,0.0,0.15587390208566398,0.0734109503812659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058400228427731564,0.0,0.0,0.11329200632972256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546023667262724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443854902144946,0.0,0.30922654619251994,0.10206273448684593,0.10119677826934527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512865587343892,0.0,0.21761359184960904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502027886267651,0.10299137381303157,0.2722138690116833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736190839584132,0.09274388345863753,0.09723291828838264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282838570908064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928521377846047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782813805852272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454270347450577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582995724469302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171797020570626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500319117969173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182201701474956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213611603180857,0.1545237490021259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931095702925472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157905685852218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416887486104835,0.06976652092319123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360625666160313,0.0,0.0,0.08478682158456426,0.06060983823711043,0.0,0.08242695947074563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198520010992128 bpd,ContradictingCandian,2018/02/05,"I did something healthy and normal for once and it feels weird I just recently was diagnosed with BPD, and I've slowly realized how my mind works and coping with BPD. So it was a big move when I confessed to my FP that I had feelings for her. I have never, ever been good with that kind of stuff and the fear of abandonment was scary as shit last night. I don't even know what's going to happen today, I just know for me it was the right/healthy thing to do.",5.783437499999998,4.646384635416666,6.033416666666664,86.00325000000002,67.22916666666666,9.346666666666668,28.575,8.238735603445708,1.5983649999999998,359,9,81,4,5,115,65,96,0.18,0.792,0.028,-0.9301,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,3,0,10,2,1,1,2,22,16,9,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,7,2,11,2,12,9,0,10,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,7,57,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765976404110432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920404994475815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249690337788541,0.1711480087819741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290978722291454,0.1913368679739834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075303496622516,0.15869734008828915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673145826426636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970293355875233,0.20796576359786573,0.15422845796782195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104451360086816,0.0,0.0,0.2010964454489752,0.0,0.0,0.1459276294066017,0.0,0.0,0.17755737645789338,0.18538208636661627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149862650301165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681848055579306,0.0,0.0,0.16158122019185933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421763668566133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566032004957966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165960452132676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570031583819574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793455309988803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774450274694905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gloomyboxes,2018/02/05,"How do you understand feelings for others? Hey...I am new. Made an account to seek some support. I have what I assume is an FP for six years. I didn’t realize she was an FP until I found out about BPD, did research, and understood what I was dealing with. But I am confused—before all of this BPD stuff I realized I was in love with her. It has crushed me for years, because I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to tell her. I consider her my best friend. Can someone just help me make sense of FP vs feelings of love? I have never felt this deeply for someone before, but I can’t make sense of it and I can’t tell if it’s just my head making garbage up or if things are even real anymore. Sorry if this ends up looking like gibberish. ",2.0648933002481367,3.605901722580647,3.6006451612903234,90.48404466501243,76.93548387096773,6.575682382133995,25.471464019851126,7.321109707123232,1.0703449131513652,577,21,127,7,13,191,93,155,0.023,0.86,0.117,0.9163,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,19,3,1,5,2,34,34,10,0,4,9,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,10,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,9,4,23,6,19,23,3,10,0,0,1,2,12,4,0,6,7,93,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777915029172706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083589386507468,0.0,0.2535952499753006,0.0,0.1563781462132086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753489842306704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536240877155635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197976613294954,0.0,0.0,0.09842054578517452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068916198991836,0.0,0.14307419791264106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338317842780692,0.11512574611306113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292856412925693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998791206754854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279938507826712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513194664524047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689769979016537,0.1409980770866147,0.2983985616091761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492668621212185,0.1439160238015254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696074605741075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525135497745309,0.0,0.0,0.16680592942002512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058226618382685,0.0,0.1690962358900283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604848551793712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899647389493872,0.0954804120952203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512599875469468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058533387267096,0.0,0.0,0.19191675895938493 bpd,DonnieBrighto,2018/02/05,"You're doing well. You're doing well. And you. And you. And I'm doing well too. I was just procrastinating and reading stories of other people. I started comparing some stuff with my own life. And to my shock I found that I did quite well. I moved out from an abusive home after years of depression. I dropped 60 lbs in a year through sheer willpower. I pass examinations with flying colors. And a weird impulse passed over me: I patted my own shoulder and said ""You're doing well"". And I started crying. I struggled with self-hate from adolescence. I used to cut my arms and hit myself with a fist, put myself to sleep with drugs and alcohol, freeze on purpose. I never felt even a speck of love, sympathy or respect for myself. I see not one pretty thing in my body. I suck at self-care; to be honest I don't even know how to do it. But at that one fleeting moment, I felt a bit of connection and compassion to myself. And I would love for you to feel it too. So please brag away what you did well. I'm eager to listen. I feel like we BPDs have a tendency to diminish our achievements and focus on the negatives and beat ourselves up (impostor syndrome, anyone?) So please try and appreciate yourself now. Just a bit.",1.9076182813002909,4.376890648535568,3.3498117154811737,87.41861522368845,81.84518828451883,6.0200193112327005,22.581429031219827,7.321109707123232,0.9871421306726748,951,32,186,14,26,311,139,239,0.101,0.7190000000000001,0.179,0.9482,1,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,2,4,0,3,16,18,2,1,9,0,12,9,4,2,1,39,30,20,0,1,5,0,5,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,8,22,1,0,7,1,0,4,4,6,6,2,7,9,34,12,34,20,5,23,0,1,2,2,10,10,1,2,9,138,42,3,0.0,0.1293226640953214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664613713235444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631889738026397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254824368965162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23832293728826376,0.12123894619526045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198940752814384,0.0,0.0,0.09400910849799704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657715710713496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441825964897779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037712941563448,0.07797543266387773,0.20959860749770756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196752705471298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948445522677587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059984947610264225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709453904505216,0.05332425399445845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197020864109696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600716902799793,0.0,0.0,0.08418175235584681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792317025441998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566955748466919,0.0,0.0,0.2396236997268661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104286884911857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972399896741504,0.0,0.11609245188604513,0.10917764852832028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382484870180757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697691341125678,0.0,0.2277305692246188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922693696001197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545111902028114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141053047347438,0.1249484742097388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251315533577779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410440303777342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426892382593699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5888235623942473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753568679674991,0.0,0.0,0.14057561048820744 bpd,rkreed20,2018/02/05,"What circumstances made you seek a diagnosis? I would appreciate hearing from those who have been diagnosed, because I would like to help someone go see a therapist. From what I understand of BPD, some of the key symptoms seem to make things difficult for an individual to even come to terms that there might be a problem, and stay on a treatment plan once started. I would appreciate hearing about how some of you came to terms that there was a problem, and what steps did you take to make that initial appointment. Additionally, if you feel comfortable, I'd also appreciate hearing how you have been able to stay in therapy. I do not want to go into details listing the symptoms because I DO NOT want a diagnosis nor do I want to seem like that is what I am seeking. However, I am struggling with an individual who I suspect has BPD, and I would like to be able to give them the most effective nudge in the right direction. The reason I want to hear from those with a diagnosis of BPD is because I want to try to understand from your perspective, about the process of seeking treatment. Thank you in advance for any help you may provide.",8.303768054375531,7.653983285046735,8.318768054375536,70.07181393372983,61.943925233644855,11.893967714528465,40.9498725573492,11.20814326018867,4.618454205607477,909,46,166,22,11,296,105,214,0.086,0.778,0.136,0.9347,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,8,1,3,8,9,0,1,15,0,22,3,0,7,0,41,48,8,0,12,3,0,1,3,0,6,3,4,0,0,13,9,0,0,8,0,0,6,3,4,0,0,6,6,22,5,34,34,5,17,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,8,6,122,35,0,0.1955828520888166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820376807664421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650152312108555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883823694841214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694946332553231,0.0,0.0,0.11184733946164872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423865449263042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925623894172772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459031460942702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944628331163892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381044671308947,0.11115424205066958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.440872177665631,0.0,0.13109506304555166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332785338870985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253261182098144,0.1305530724950213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374124918220387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414467717041102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18714637540786316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054587311265996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351334351865063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077927105458782,0.17805128296345338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285835794225492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921727468393976,0.2084652972001576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223283129658664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328547065683836,0.07352698209226156,0.0,0.0,0.09003320640924435,0.11183301828906896,0.11354338291106192,0.06496827814849616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639395908635766,0.0,0.0,0.20360864662420133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288399583847372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778728931554581,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cantthinkof1234,2018/02/05,"All of my worst fears came true I met an amazing guy, we hit it off straight away and it was like a romance I'd always dreamed of. Everything was going perfect until all of a sudden he got distant, and stopped replying. Of course the negative thoughts and self doubt told me ""that's it, you're not good enough, he's going to leave you"" but I thought logically and thought that actually, all of our interactions had been going really well and I had no reason to believe he was going to break up with me... And then it happened ""you are so amazing, you are such a fucking cool person... But there's just something missing and I don't even know what it is. I wish it didn't have to be like this"" So there we have it, even when everything is perfect and the person thinks I'm amazing, I'm still unlovable. ",3.6502587991718407,4.929003875776398,4.520760869565219,86.54751811594204,72.35403726708074,7.35424430641822,29.565734989648035,7.793537801064563,1.7839188405797106,628,26,130,8,12,203,97,161,0.127,0.653,0.221,0.9658,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,3,3,0,2,11,18,1,2,6,1,15,1,0,1,6,32,35,15,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,11,12,0,1,7,1,0,5,5,6,1,0,14,1,14,12,14,19,5,16,0,1,0,1,16,4,1,1,8,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.1531853586271965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061611824039476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748356736092427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17685753506942542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953805317609314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219756328810306,0.0,0.20736155897537795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28215875784887795,0.0,0.0,0.17664098082804425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512123939069052,0.0,0.0,0.3568509777004448,0.1316635283593017,0.12554757735528307,0.0,0.0,0.1554303380169153,0.13881283885691725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862695814498154,0.0,0.0,0.1662142963801394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338051482897055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741297507469596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056246883442056,0.16139686827085625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375959030573814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084734166938957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536076719809958,0.13123847374597822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058350594240867,0.0,0.3738628296103557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999673367988986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113974782913935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805139774053221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,massages-in-dc,2018/02/05,"My therapist is not DBT, but I feel very good about our therapy. Hi all. So I've read lots about the effectiveness of DBT in dealing with BPD. My therapist of 1ish yr does not practice DBT, but I feel that our therapy really helps me. He does have lots of experience with ""extreme emotional states"" and really helps me deal with having severe dissociation. I just feel good and safe in the therapy I have right now but I have anxiety about feeling like maybe I'm not getting the best therapy possible for my condition. Should I look into switching to something specifically for my issues or is it ok to stay in my current therapy? ",5.916155462184875,7.063623000000002,7.068392857142857,70.87973214285716,66.89915966386555,11.664285714285715,34.202731092436984,11.45678717892309,4.410083193277312,503,23,90,17,8,170,72,119,0.07200000000000001,0.713,0.215,0.9628,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,3,1,7,0,0,1,1,24,14,7,0,1,8,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,15,6,17,13,4,9,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,3,3,60,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885448173228964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146752349085073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457771199600488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386565889828225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20257893744765626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301978536586452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113221087137101,0.0,0.0,0.23409715189833824,0.0826884464258809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047212812829261,0.0,0.0,0.1941632876187873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516323387481484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208079938370836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056547294051289825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719687844274236,0.0,0.0,0.19680498466604032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628168432701012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048540468307238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577659568947515,0.0,0.14829877190188104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884583104055984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075921333118115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910636624626757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336906101876435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6618240370228061,0.2687783669083725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550197235976812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mco613,2018/02/05,Bla I feel like shit all the time. Even when I get high to feel better I still feel like shit. I still assume all my friends hate me and just talk to me because they feel bad and are getting ready to leave my life. I still want to sleep forever. I still don’t see my life as my own. I get mad at all this all the time. What can possibly help this? I’m trying to stop SH though that’s been helping less and less until I cut deeper. Life just seems so long. ,0.2190909090909088,2.0573263131313126,1.5013030303030312,101.93195454545456,83.84848484848484,4.768080808080809,15.960606060606061,5.6839178017228535,-0.9824472727272724,351,6,89,2,10,111,62,99,0.199,0.629,0.172,-0.6275,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,10,10,5,0,2,0,4,6,3,0,4,17,16,8,0,1,2,0,4,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,15,4,8,15,7,12,0,0,1,0,5,2,2,2,12,53,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399462553679008,0.0905266516784296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133970782537388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808548237032423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003523100557222,0.2121825549566496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473381142785805,0.0,0.23276161068212334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466169415864758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907818336147706,0.15690261495037602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572442791985939,0.0,0.0,0.3146782719045228,0.14510309295074905,0.0,0.0,0.13142135471903935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674159314084109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833845019748801,0.1351924516990702,0.0,0.0,0.3048744157348346,0.0,0.0,0.1486112340932261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743819011275682,0.12415598210705868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936187894916055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459044125343462,0.0,0.17318773728665066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082445863346963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759149871965982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Gooddaychaps,2018/02/05,"I'm writing a blog, trying to get my life together and gather my thoughts. I want to share it, would it be possible to share a link here? I read the rules and don't see anything about Tumblr links, but I want to be careful. If someone would like to read what ive written it would mean a lot to me. I want you guys to see what happens when you self medicate and don't try to get to the root of your anger, sadness and loneliness so maybe, just maybe I can save a life or two with my fucked up story and the life I lead that I'm trying so hard to get back. I'm sure you'll be able to relate. If Tumblr links are not allowed but you want to help me get it out there I will PM you the link. Otherwise i will make an edit here and post the link. I will be writing daily if it gets enough attention, someone following will help keep me accountable. Thank you.",3.311190476190476,3.667843543956046,4.39423076923077,90.57160256410258,72.35164835164834,7.8249084249084255,25.606227106227106,7.793537801064563,1.080536996336996,663,19,155,8,12,217,96,182,0.107,0.733,0.16,0.5347,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,7,0,1,9,10,2,0,10,0,17,5,0,4,1,41,41,15,0,10,8,0,1,1,0,8,4,0,0,2,8,8,0,1,8,3,1,2,3,3,0,1,2,3,23,7,17,27,2,7,0,1,2,1,16,2,1,5,3,97,31,4,0.12952185395833232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658544983052848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959431078704356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205616228958034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383069851293788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974086689712893,0.3383491143792441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824699881562013,0.11453574770286172,0.0,0.11602614046184803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363153700952913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512497496787512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274455347601176,0.06327783544249085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011484849004527,0.0,0.0,0.08645684327086567,0.0,0.2602442224431208,0.14108726959322535,0.0,0.1304796414728845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460164293218544,0.12404613294475345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591138088229457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642429670765716,0.0,0.1351195413452736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21948689308918448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220728145275491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924632131494853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282588431143494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263810510399764,0.0,0.1265240310558268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055813810405849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760258266653925,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OldManoftheNorth,2018/02/06,"I feel bad for how things ended with friends and acquaintances years ago on account of the way I am. I have really only one friend in the world outside of family and without them I fear I would fall apart for good. Every few months I have a particularly rough time of my mind mulling over the past to the point it upsets me and for the rest of the time this happens every few days, I'm disappointed in how I handled old friendships and how they ended, I can't reconcile that there were other factors, I feel like its just all on my shoulders. ",10.866388888888883,6.568331750000006,10.017777777777779,71.33000000000001,60.20370370370371,13.022222222222226,39.96296296296296,10.125756701596842,3.7615296296296297,431,14,87,6,4,138,75,108,0.08,0.768,0.152,0.7959,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,5,8,0,2,7,0,6,1,1,3,1,16,10,7,0,1,2,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,4,0,1,1,3,14,4,15,8,4,20,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,0,11,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395659310796635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638537794074775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265597830401562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476241300873588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306845088788971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849993868766436,0.22082668243399284,0.198451589911026,0.14019524396106287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032319916592096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459838497750512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353605341366396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587387389076926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19814836455369425,0.0,0.1566384027033054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059228499627154,0.0,0.13297858205357047,0.14925079878263198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873350872788716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855120150946934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571757848024376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303743904379159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288604459959212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557676763451459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917017707380807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940460674345864,0.0,0.0,0.12637334179550747 bpd,ManateePower,2018/02/06,"Boyfriend has BPD and I need advice. My boyfriend has BPD and I'm not sure what to do. He isn't being treated at all and it feels to me like mental illness is completely controlling his life. He is constantly depressed, disassociates a lot, has been suicidal, ect. I just tried to talk to him about getting help, but I'm afraid I fucked up. He hasn't responded to my texts for about 2 hours now and I'm really afraid. I have other mental illnesses but I don't have any diagnosed personality disorders and I'm afraid that I don't understand. I'm afraid that I'm accidently hurting him instead of helping. I love him so much. I just want him to be happy, and in control of his life. I'm so fucking worried right now.",1.88291666666667,4.2282686805555585,3.805388888888892,84.87850000000002,80.94444444444444,7.451111111111113,26.266666666666666,8.447377352677275,2.0272033333333344,566,24,115,13,15,191,82,144,0.168,0.708,0.124,-0.7745,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,2,4,1,0,15,8,0,2,2,20,30,10,1,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,1,1,17,5,14,27,3,8,0,2,0,3,15,4,2,1,5,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470967687756707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236597592086844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791760645024165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578284793965679,0.1626701111698111,0.3376657553670419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296517928130774,0.15278539932092625,0.0,0.0,0.1725211190828016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761127987646164,0.10753909702763048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27832624449612103,0.07864603019340717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024263220787313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179498810322305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482423276183047,0.0,0.16114613010367693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264844147525924,0.07354165188098495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797574060418182,0.13585975157900804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033988970529383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065731776598976,0.11161653908314427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143752139659828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964337625748598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285523174579863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465605395668678,0.0,0.1418733173683868,0.0,0.0,0.12099080138173054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220040230883463,0.0,0.0,0.15670767254205242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878685320321023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287114019940232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FaelanQ,2018/02/06,"I don't feel bad. I still don't do anything. I was in a rollercoaster of bad feelings and (mild) self destruction during the end of last year, on the brink of getting sent to the psych ward again (should have gone, honestly). New medication kicked in (just Lamictal now) about 2 weeks ago I'd say. I don't feel bad anymore. I don't feel like murdering every single idiot that cuts me in traffic anymore, neither do I feel like I'm worthless and should die just because I tripped or something. Ok, I feel alright. I don't feel *bad* anymore. Mood swings relatively in check. My anxiety is still bad, however. I feel like I'm never outside of my head. Never ever. Like I can never 'be in the moment' because I'm in my head going over a hundred different thoughts at the same time. It gets worse at night when I'm trying to sleep hugging my SO and then I start to **not** feel my arms and progressively the rest of my body and ask myself ""oh is this dissociation?"" - btw is it? It's been a while, honestly... I felt like my *core* was unglued from my body last night. So, the only good person/thing (*cringe*) in my life went on a trip with family for a couple weeks this morning and I couldn't even connect enough for a decent goodbye. In fact I don't feel connected enough to my ""self"" writing this either, it's weird. I ""objectively"" feel like crying, but that's like looking at broken glass on the floor and stating ""it is broken"". Anyways, my living situation is hell since I'm not really a productive member of society and I am also not actually a ""crazy person"", I'm someone with ""character flaws"". I've been in university since forever struggling with my stupid head and losing. Now this opportunity to get a public service job to work at the university has appeared, and the admission exam is in April. I have plenty of time to study, and plenty of reasons. 1) I love my girlfriend so much. She's my life partner. I got so lucky there. Definitely not where the worst part of my bpd hit. 2) I'm not going to graduate so soon, still at least some 2 years to go since I keep failing classes due to lack of attendance. 3) my living situation is hell and probably 80% of the reason why I'm so messed up (not really the house, more the inhabitants ;-) ) Pretty strong reasons, right? And let me stress again that **I don't feel depressed**. I can genuinely say I'm okay. And yet... Why did I spend the whole day smoking pot, binge eating, watching Netflix, and *not doing what I have to do to achieve the things I need in order to not be so miserable anymore*?! When I think ""I should pick up the laptop and start planning my studies for the exam"" *I* answer ""why?"" And honestly... I don't see purpose. I don't feel anything when I imagine not being able to achieve this, my way out. I just think... Nothing. I'd rather stay on the couch. I don't even feel emotion writing this, I could be talking about ants with the same amount of feeling. I'm just a blob of fat floating in the universe without purpose, now with less sadness.",1.2347979973576244,3.785423573604064,3.0012382078205064,87.96487935470414,86.5296108291032,5.742586282826879,23.662726282363305,7.196195476680916,1.1583621491319571,2336,92,461,37,73,773,278,591,0.136,0.769,0.095,-0.9762,3,0,1,0,0,0,127.0,0,0,0,9,34,43,7,3,31,3,43,14,8,4,5,86,92,32,2,8,18,0,16,7,2,3,4,2,1,4,16,23,2,1,24,1,2,10,25,23,0,0,11,21,57,19,64,70,18,81,2,6,3,2,15,29,2,4,45,293,73,12,0.06179768014394405,0.0,0.06030562139795784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054779914788950175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941958248422517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727505616242838,0.0,0.2451467726831308,0.0,0.0,0.1017084505097398,0.0,0.05777248886097189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799240814684604,0.0753425844608374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728658270035254,0.07783201481094809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049340419071939916,0.06837795766861225,0.06788184984261661,0.03985439129832144,0.0,0.05322625135495125,0.0,0.06413623539398422,0.0645654227846793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323445459501574,0.0,0.06951407242158783,0.05473440208428748,0.12770704629975066,0.0,0.08163356981454557,0.05589953967415499,0.05206721083336235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058257352987022074,0.0,0.4687014583996175,0.17659310017037588,0.05933546410855733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686021181007104,0.0,0.10536313726170353,0.05183296213366476,0.049425250136629774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026674537651925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130622577075185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613246620043893,0.05492861754382438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074671468762113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319231486811097,0.08729905812038367,0.21133857497854544,0.0,0.1091369675061748,0.0,0.051894487177457566,0.06913579684668268,0.0,0.0,0.05577481907242958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225466129933423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542840543800947,0.045822196791172665,0.1429865418994382,0.05968458456874017,0.0,0.11598587305086144,0.0,0.05929654079076451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046999920459587965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692086545592367,0.0,0.0,0.1079187013081006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287045737343631,0.06662835130726243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917835264049591,0.19061492273120495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052774881186140515,0.0,0.09828799125544868,0.0,0.0,0.04924475010210334,0.0,0.12893691592675768,0.0,0.0,0.1533590388440296,0.1389263634061842,0.0618423096894795,0.0,0.05236097384491186,0.04757487333629541,0.0,0.0,0.08748143215359544,0.06586810459046477,0.14805512157081432,0.0,0.07078903381232145,0.0646043530013284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049670634445183014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041055632737172124,0.07919491631056216,0.0,0.049060455166434584,0.0720694485114262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04195656831147567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905212205302207,0.09914074286573683,0.0,0.0,0.05728706861790012,0.16728838294693404,0.06899490295832565,0.0,0.05957075840340347,0.0,0.04498944715160954,0.0,0.06297711559019538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959135979233832 bpd,Ghengis-Khunt,2018/02/06,"Addictive tendancies and BPD I know that an ""addictive personality"" is pretty standard for someone with BPD, but does anyone else feel like they extend their addictive tendancies to literally *anything* in life? If left to my own devices, I will latch onto whatever's available. Now that I'm alone, I've been drinking more than ever. It's routine now. Every time I have a rough day at work, I feel as though it's my ""treat"" to head to the pub and drink myself numb. I never say no to drugs, not caring who exactly is giving them to me. I have no self-control. I intentionally work as much as possible because doing doubles gives me this rush. I've been a binge-eater since I was a child. In the last year I've gotten into a restriction/binge cycle, because apparently even starving myself is addictive. It's a mental high. I spend way too much time looking at pornography. Sometimes I blow people off just to stay home and masturbate. Everyone I meet who seems remotely interested in me is a target for sexual objectification. I crave the attention from every man, and it's impossible for me to have meaningful relationships with women because I see them as sexual objects. But the thing is, my addiction isn't even exclusive to self-destructive activities/behaviours. When I was in good place, I was addicted to cleaning my/my SO's house. I was addicted to eating clean. I went to the gym almost every day. I was hyper-focused on being fit/healthy. I wanted to be a perfect housewife and had dinner ready for when he got home every night. I woke up early to pack him lunches and dressed up just to stay home with him. I spent so much time on my appearance...I had to be the absolute best. It's like, I don't even have enough of a real personality or sense of self to choose my vice. I just get addicted to whatever's placed infront of me. Thus, feeding into my ""save me"" complex. Why are we like this?",4.06111415525114,5.995572723287675,5.6750000000000025,76.04583333333333,72.45205479452055,9.031050228310503,29.15296803652968,9.558583805096642,2.940088584474886,1504,62,272,38,30,511,201,365,0.04,0.809,0.151,0.9912,1,1,3,0,0,0,57.0,1,0,4,4,15,11,0,0,15,0,26,18,1,2,4,39,43,19,0,2,8,0,3,3,0,1,11,1,5,6,12,12,6,0,8,4,2,2,6,1,0,0,14,6,44,10,48,25,8,38,0,0,2,0,21,18,0,4,18,182,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6207592427697948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127483356221953,0.07371930198347101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976955571298703,0.07293062871905402,0.058573715394873015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016898037102625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469728458928465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929327450365373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257106930062003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983256939880075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918082916982492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622886517623876,0.0,0.0,0.1394553657940462,0.08254428573891008,0.14566643884693853,0.05946037612370116,0.0,0.0,0.07354626037848387,0.0,0.14103788213330792,0.06438489056058952,0.23988331144351965,0.06801396153867154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197982256635163,0.050849825841596925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037187748911823325,0.13656151397103972,0.0,0.0597010210434731,0.05692782694681064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304951972649036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520383234095583,0.21419305890774684,0.0,0.0,0.08213025669442506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911775843870725,0.05801985344881536,0.0,0.0,0.07733548307547211,0.0,0.05027537199668733,0.10432243603339744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059771885369627235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173103318744893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697282640525845,0.0,0.05489712977659772,0.0,0.0,0.0667960575926427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934610412734047,0.12430037552483733,0.14873244768102326,0.0,0.0,0.08024289232416595,0.0,0.07241396872100622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101654264206819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641890771077013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660387900589546,0.0,0.0,0.05671992765037796,0.06479809450311064,0.22276362031481392,0.0,0.0,0.058879464780370774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030918305055798,0.0,0.0703972059322404,0.0,0.0,0.15173329620284204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047287731456950366,0.0,0.06993236525413518,0.0,0.12451400089030415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041982833659526334,0.05649805935000748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598304145259025,0.06422738774404263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363736975734206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045836522265383685 bpd,grumpy_avacado,2018/02/06,"Will I ever feel the same towards anyone else? Words can't describe how perfect and amazing he is to me... and I don't feel like anyone else could ever live up to how he makes me feel... But he's never going to want to be with me nor love me and it's so depressing knowing that Will there be someone else? It's been 4 years and I've never found anyone else... at least when does it stop ",1.465920826161792,2.8855151445783167,3.1089845094664383,93.89156626506028,78.27710843373494,5.224784853700517,20.290877796901885,5.288315135182226,-0.2445339070567987,299,7,68,1,7,99,53,83,0.181,0.775,0.044,-0.8697,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,3,5,24,18,10,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,3,6,4,8,11,2,11,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,8,45,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32403144591601163,0.4748247545483376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333340005341975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304659091226434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517957317200266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5161664629191558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794577111062832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343172010360816,0.11035489705828656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693706813860253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779005261274217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489382479109964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546726397318777,0.0,0.13640169183028905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941709865774365,0.0,0.10311132433315907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382768084265905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308837066216523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291455900075686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911116451243031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947496598834807 bpd,Sheyla777,2018/02/06,"Eating less sugar (fructose and glucose) helped me alot to deal with my mood changes I just wanted to share my experience. Last year my digestive problems started, so I had to change my eating habits. I realised that my mood swings and my depression got a lot less, since I try to avoid sugar. I just wanted to share, perhaps it helps someone too. Has anyone had similar experiences?",4.858190476190472,7.198496342857148,5.142857142857146,78.9704761904762,71.28571428571428,7.523809523809526,30.23809523809524,8.344100000000001,2.4840952380952395,304,13,51,5,6,96,48,70,0.117,0.7879999999999999,0.095,-0.3818,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,11,7,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,12,2,6,4,4,3,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364241603739325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346383779750285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179075977801334,0.17693776951323956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204152299892342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019026697710022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430226240224807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27539268311863696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745401497222107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465043562455762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657011203233085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699349824381517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406136419182486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540540696598486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947444023355596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423375323552159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229109053978186 bpd,mansfieldjayne,2018/02/06,"liking someone when u have bpd is .... right so im diagnosed w bpd (thought it was important to state) and i have a really hard time when it comes to liking people - it's like i can't be in the early stages of liking someone and wanting to pursue them, i have to start devoting every minute to talking to them and my entire life revolves around them - i can easily start loving someone that i dont really know and it's getting to be a problem, does any one else have this issue? ): please b gentle with me i just had an episode, im very tired and i want to cry thank u",0.6312581486310336,2.8146192966101715,2.8500000000000014,90.79649934810949,84.84745762711864,5.664667535853977,20.09387222946545,7.010146845296331,0.4782547588005217,439,13,93,6,13,149,78,118,0.105,0.653,0.242,0.939,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,0,5,8,0,0,4,0,12,4,0,0,0,14,22,8,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,12,7,12,17,0,12,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,10,56,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010697602391566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104696879507494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708084532631111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680727553000765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617018639818044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941374972527674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882334086315558,0.0,0.1725275207667619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297399421093813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240296937047017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691047917164981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318700963017105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31802135247274765,0.15364765523157972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090206139595857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397787077584582,0.2876749746341481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328616151175899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975243689101894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205598953265063,0.0,0.0,0.16159096606356338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408588618474627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861134807995225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571544056331266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741884063378548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208390176104972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832079110346345,0.0,0.135530009124088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168672784639957,0.08583858709992016,0.1691947656951148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146260902947995,0.17365503146716407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seraphilic,2018/02/06,"Boyfriend is trying to force me to tell my anti-mental health family that I'm suicidal I attempted awhile ago and now have the ""normal"" BPD ideation. Before I made a promise not to attempt until I was 18 and I kept it and now I am promising myself to wait until I get mental health services from my college this August and I believe I will keep it. I've told my boyfriend too much and now he's forcing me to tell my mom or he'll tell her myself. I won't tell her, I think there's a 50/50 chance she'll get me help but a 100% chance my whole family will look down on me for it. I've spent a gap year doing nothing but getting more depressed and she's told me she can't even afford my food bill. I've told her a few times in the past, begging to see a psychiatrist, and she's said I'm just being melodramatic. She also demonizes PDs since she believes my father has NPD and that's why he treated her like shit. It's even worse if my boyfriend tells her because she'll think I've lied to him and manipulated him. If she hears that he's also been depressed since we've started dating she'll blame me. I love her and she's not purposely malicious but she constantly dies things that further invalidate my self worth and she's just not someone I want to know about the state of my mental health. My dad's another can of worms but much worse. I understand my boyfriend is trying to do what's best for me but he's really making things much worse. I like having control and he's taking it away. I need to convince him it's okay to wait until August. ",2.943105590062114,4.2893057080745365,4.164877018633543,88.14316645962734,74.21739130434783,7.015354037267082,24.370683229813665,7.554174236665415,1.0095919006211176,1226,37,262,15,25,402,158,322,0.126,0.767,0.106,-0.8876,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,12,12,1,0,9,1,19,6,1,4,0,40,48,25,2,5,13,3,0,2,0,7,3,2,0,1,14,12,1,5,4,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,9,4,57,9,24,31,7,21,1,2,2,1,43,5,1,3,17,161,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220374169882039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831985807382994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724044873145114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712733025384772,0.0,0.0,0.05653022988262784,0.0,0.0789104238878314,0.2089605661377286,0.09731937649210254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679614446403842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021329710831134,0.10400988363060652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597445718868287,0.0,0.09624400746467207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250082740802545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484409807691642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213520204372554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535020478224994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957180404086997,0.10451877899921116,0.0,0.062158133883139004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242688777158587,0.0,0.0,0.0509645816706137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090611008461066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787381626940684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369671325690481,0.08774784252747285,0.06190115150393561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690959017640768,0.0,0.0,0.10860979345730463,0.0,0.0,0.20451208736648266,0.06876162629325369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086034467835973,0.08898147325670544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852579169701562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594082418133876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882119630324884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389757236776164,0.0,0.09674254672648457,0.0,0.09519086637625336,0.1534222517490651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857383469158027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563811827658793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143674174180968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972497500269577,0.0,0.4052712016602549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321766624905005,0.11884133937291785,0.0,0.0,0.0540743660576553,0.0,0.0,0.2658360219958061,0.0,0.12592158703909356,0.0,0.0,0.09654012304211856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546973456609808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836786686870192,0.10353501284498938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283513833283149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971812485501536 bpd,faithfamilyfootball,2018/02/06,"I don't want to be ""red pill"" with her I have been going out with a girl that I really like for 3 weeks or so now. We don't text much during the week, which is very different for me. My relationships have always been the type where we talk constantly because I am unhealthy and gravitate towards unhealthy women and relationships. However, as much as I worry throughout the week that she is going to get bored of me/forget about me/ find someone new, every friday (so far) I have recieved a text from her confirming our plans for that night. Then, we hang out all weekend and it is really great. We get along and relate in all of the perfect ways. She has even helping me pick out a car, etc, making me believe she has plans of sticking around. But I still have that nagging anxiety and fear of abandonment. I don't trust people-women especially. I've been big into ""the red pill"" and have been seeing that not caring and not showing emotional neediness is what keeps girls interested. But I really like this girl, and we haven't kissed yet. I really want to kiss her, and even though she knows that I really enjoy her company and like her as a person, I am not sure if she knows that I feel it in the romantic sense. I'm stuck wondering what to do. One side of me wants to tell her how I feel, but the other side of me is scared like a little kid that she'll just go ""nah, this isn't working out. See ya."" Am I thinking in an unhealthy way? I have not been able to talk to anyone about this because I refuse to even ask her friends what they think out of fear that it will look needy and drive her away. Help! lol. I'm obsessing and I don't want to.",3.4131137724550875,4.658974706586825,4.49405269461078,86.63807305389223,72.89221556886227,7.978730538922156,24.13844311377245,8.488131031819089,1.3585225389221556,1288,36,273,22,25,421,167,334,0.145,0.752,0.102,-0.8423,2,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,6,1,1,4,15,21,1,4,13,1,31,4,0,3,4,59,57,25,0,5,10,0,2,4,1,2,2,0,0,6,20,27,0,3,8,2,0,6,10,7,0,1,6,7,47,14,40,48,5,37,0,1,5,2,38,18,0,3,15,190,67,2,0.10533669059695927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876485649230171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058227998747286,0.0,0.0,0.0736538632654424,0.0,0.0,0.09377198730657656,0.09847558630015718,0.0,0.09896728828765926,0.0,0.0,0.12842453777618434,0.0,0.0,0.11867837869846695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739777638601733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383154099040127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005442190208356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848959899063433,0.0,0.0,0.11747825451225795,0.20872167205590644,0.0,0.08875070496215068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23706612452955506,0.1065227915584839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627582687056901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138286585625197,0.0,0.11006814645067488,0.0,0.1795958062537181,0.0,0.0,0.11613407325433288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120992661000006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362809053115476,0.0,0.0,0.11578058071928204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584874505564973,0.10557503691969687,0.0,0.0,0.08845629037800386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031305892627789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154869175567451,0.0,0.0,0.10173483217300894,0.0,0.0988513484221306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137886768347937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197593520370248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374069064826449,0.0,0.0,0.2261843690903109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546040342180632,0.0,0.1678794088369407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925143611232242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412201717968197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927858427910664,0.0,0.0,0.16933128363782576,0.09206891048432016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499099605076792,0.10349276368792223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691380149316448,0.2485212371745305,0.16722272395300636,0.2534842181569549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142331475900178,0.07668636530851643,0.1069745224658523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ClearlyClarity,2018/02/06,"My GF broke up with me. She said I was too ""exhausting"" for her. It isn't fair. I didn't choose to have BPD. I didn't choose to be unable to maintain any sort of relationship, or have zero friends IRL and be dependent on the only people I do have. I didn't choose to be afraid of them leaving me. I was afraid of trusting anyone. Only I trusted this person, and she promised she'd be there for me no matter what. Then she left me. I feel so betrayed. I don't know if I'll ever be anywhere near normal again. I really want to die.",0.2843510324483773,2.2870884601769923,2.493119469026549,93.96026917404131,84.75221238938053,5.18259587020649,19.151179941002948,6.42735559955562,-0.04425014749262557,408,11,93,4,12,138,71,113,0.141,0.737,0.122,-0.6309,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,2,1,0,17,1,0,1,1,16,21,6,1,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,6,2,21,4,14,9,0,7,0,1,0,0,11,4,0,4,3,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430040108775088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921874625597725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32281497602648657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660105528737489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318481489093571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959864088864104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802539254338256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086192901054792,0.0,0.0,0.2713965458480553,0.27848286204953593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511305499312441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898724254604415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769390921066927,0.22380104806617235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419951398883126,0.0,0.0,0.27518230038371944,0.0,0.0,0.2438106400023323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117898291324675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pinkmonacle,2018/02/06,How do you tackle the feeling of emptiness when it's particularly bad? Can't shake the feeling of too much/nothing at all today...,4.413599999999999,6.29239376,5.805,75.70750000000002,71.4,6.6000000000000005,32.5,7.1686216300943375,2.2286,104,5,18,1,2,35,22,25,0.235,0.597,0.168,-0.6009,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133978023388325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006869627086642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639642559005309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750732749322697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693082422746241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,arul20,2018/02/06,"Today I had to face that I didn't have loving support from anyone growing up and that it's fucked me up. Was at my therapist today. At one point I had to admit that I did not have any family that was loving and supportive after a certain age. Mum used to be but suffered some trauma and withdrew when I was abt 8. Dad abandoned us about the same age. Grew up with extended family which was a shitty, loveless and punitive environment. It hit me just now how growing up in a different country, different culture .. I never felt accepted or belonged. Most of the teachers in schools seemed to hate me for some reason. Only two I can recall were different. 'Home' was a foster situation where they seemed to put up with us as some sort of cross to bear. Beaten often. Silenced often. Told to stop thinking and questioning back. Looking back I see that my mum had shown me love and support before the age of 8. If not for that I could have been a full sociopath. But no. I had a taste of what a love and support is like and then it was taken away. So I grew up with a fucking gaping hole inside me. Today I was in a restaurant. I saw parents having dinners with teenage children. I never did. My mother and father couldn't get along. Is this self pity or sadness? It's just fucking overwhelming.",2.095185185185187,4.5610641897233215,3.595669740887132,85.97308593178158,81.01581027667984,5.8034841165275965,24.78539013321621,7.0931098945946705,1.2554413409456888,1012,39,188,13,27,333,143,253,0.213,0.706,0.081,-0.9896,4,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,2,0,1,1,12,22,5,1,12,0,26,10,1,3,3,48,51,19,0,3,9,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,13,14,2,2,8,0,0,6,7,11,0,2,20,5,25,11,34,27,6,36,0,5,3,7,19,15,3,13,16,149,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816528184151592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008874491155913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417690689738756,0.15415367960860465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529516079588004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003189188304884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141821471856195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899094346369316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624420581922467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780052658507562,0.0523702213125395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896427924539787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054689359486092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897122684038257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417468001350024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618748582814412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461946043792754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792386749780446,0.07623552096809844,0.0,0.0,0.11130244403578088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475731608768742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007668826239105,0.11228950801295158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306136547047988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144621419913807,0.07987671345541203,0.18250583318743666,0.10457010205100303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267171930195502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838034619347356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549956083679893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638405158449185,0.0,0.06422846723912934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28504172939452244,0.0957817109760661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979179673619791,0.0,0.2411479600811952,0.08657345404510408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,immapilotanywhere,2018/02/06,"pwBPD-pwBPD Real-life Friendships/Support/Mentorship? Does anyone have experience with having a close relationship with another person with BPD, as a person with BPD yourself? I think I'm relatively high-functioning for the most part amongst my social circle -- my BPD symptoms manifests mainly when I'm at home and interacting with my family -- and I don't feel ready to tell my friends about it yet due to the fear of judgment and/or invalidation. I've experienced rather strong suicide ideation lately and called a suicide hotline, and it really helped in the moment -- I sincerely recommend it for anyone who has suicide ideation as well! -- but I couldn't help but feel the kind person on the other end didn't/couldn't fully understand (it also isn't really a long-term solution to rely on). I've seen a therapist at school for a short period of time as well and had the same feelings, like I just felt like an alien/someone abnormal for thinking the way I do. Which I guess is kind of true since we're not exactly neurotypical but I feel like I just crave someone who can truly relate? I can't talk to my family since they tend to invalidate what I'm going through. Lurking on this subreddit community means a lot, but I sometimes feel like I would benefit from having a real-life friend who also experiences what I do and whom I can call/meet up when things get really bad -- especially someone who's culturally similar to me, and preferably someone I already know (I think I would find it so liberating to share how I feel with someone I already know). However, there are two issues with this: 1) I don't know anyone around me with BPD -- if there is someone with BPD in my life, they're keeping it hidden as well 2) I wonder what it's like being friends with someone with BPD, and whether it would actually be good for each other. I'm worried, since it's two highly emotional people coming together, would it be like when a tornado meets a volcano -- really volatile and dramatic all the time? I do feel the desire to connect with someone with BPD in real-life to the point that I'm thinking of creating a simple mobile app (I'm an app developer and computer science student) that allows people to ""declare"" their BPD and see if anyone in their friend group (such as people in their FB friends list) has also ""declared"" theirs. I would feel so much safer only letting others who have BPD know I have BPD. It could also help you find people with BPD near your location (should they choose to share it), since that increases the likelihood that they understand your context/culture better. What do you all think? Would be grateful to hear your experiences with pwBPD-pwBPD real-life relationships, how you formed these relationships (if you found them to be a positive force in your life), as well as your thoughts on my idea. Thank you <3",7.304507591926337,7.685351461247642,7.460246356485152,71.9700926885786,63.688090737240074,10.682139154826515,34.45582047685836,10.456487797536301,3.6700207451673883,2269,92,393,51,31,735,246,529,0.053,0.746,0.201,0.998,1,0,0,0,0,3,79.0,0,10,8,2,24,28,0,1,25,0,36,3,0,3,4,93,76,37,3,15,12,0,9,6,5,7,3,1,1,3,34,30,0,1,29,0,0,3,6,2,4,2,5,13,51,26,62,56,11,34,0,0,2,0,49,19,0,7,17,262,85,3,0.0,0.0,0.04316696710946148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762881799811482,0.14149881501641287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046384241617583984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372052791020713,0.0,0.0,0.039378517495233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03693436710808122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03912225198221335,0.0,0.0,0.6128366046275743,0.0,0.09033773660369457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03810452514769578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03531803831669997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038710335909462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049758407397308066,0.03917906954207237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298109182622437,0.08340161935086962,0.04977665932254083,0.17893231151485375,0.09480445234750448,0.042472525250945546,0.0,0.08085995491160577,0.0,0.0,0.04850138091000728,0.1708792091851006,0.0,0.023110955388549115,0.0,0.02513976295682252,0.03710220904357744,0.0,0.0,0.048729826147444366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498560461404601,0.0,0.08894933964659298,0.09347338653925212,0.04437129945394428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993591691383345,0.0,0.04616983464226209,0.0,0.03931808962278184,0.0,0.092127865440196,0.09724156977832818,0.0,0.049898992967711164,0.0,0.0,0.045233272027520366,0.062488960120344286,0.12966588383230027,0.0,0.0,0.03914657220037458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760700476103263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818486963448157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03251780576867155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033642701519282316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790218110861517,0.0,0.12266788331714044,0.11587285534596108,0.0,0.0,0.04181636147328702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139640150576912,0.11335226351981086,0.0,0.0,0.14247546721364593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04476816923689622,0.03524955814555506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636655604697418,0.0,0.0,0.04509199940866576,0.29984129285290456,0.0,0.043749534010144066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515769104006948,0.05019733993591395,0.0,0.04597708958826219,0.0,0.035554407594146895,0.03866332906458058,0.0407256335991082,0.0,0.05136023023572288,0.029387760327160038,0.1417199702269529,0.0,0.035117639209276214,0.05158755421754285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642231095167285,0.09210036464030802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0351116743386015,0.0,0.0,0.15909026572717036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04797095732014593,0.0,0.04492277731827833,0.0,0.18853959697382344,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,memepuppy,2018/02/06,"DAE feel like they can never maintain interest in anything for too long? I don’t know if this is a BPD thing or what. But throughout my whole life, I’ve been constantly switching what I’m interesting in/passionate about. I’ve switched college majors about 4 times now, and have to just stick it out at this point to graduate, but I don’t want to do anything related to my undergraduate degree and completely change courses for grad school. Even growing up- I went from being intensely interested in one sport/activity to another, but never sticking with any of them. I was super passionate about musical theater for 2 years or so and ended up starting University as a music major, but now I literally want nothing to do with music anymore. Wtf is wrong with me",6.791494522691708,7.706682922535213,7.515446009389674,69.28252738654149,64.84507042253522,10.81815336463224,36.90453834115806,10.746095033038511,4.3115655712050085,613,30,103,16,9,204,100,142,0.075,0.774,0.151,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,1,9,7,0,0,2,0,11,2,0,0,2,21,18,12,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,3,1,10,6,24,14,3,19,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,3,11,73,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331016588532523,0.20523773051970007,0.0,0.0,0.19410944676945216,0.0,0.0,0.3221347088381611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465123920751425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070541268059579,0.0,0.20521694081448194,0.21151228665354707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335679179543026,0.0,0.0,0.12927640777061133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896588865977833,0.13982802466537592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756691495582904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824837822478908,0.0956227474227792,0.0,0.0,0.17321299984313393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019147888676183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780616366694008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263026566377395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850260956754622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808704709358174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853718906495954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300328953166868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413049110472832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308907298425573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144169021286785,0.0,0.21852316955383208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139976926676597,0.0,0.12604232678917354 bpd,nihilistNoodle,2018/02/06,"I don’t know anyone who can relate to my symptoms and I feel so alone I have bpd? It’s so strange for me to type that. It’s a relatively recent label for me and I’m still getting used to it. I don’t know anyone with it in my life(that I’m aware of) and I think I’m just lookin for someone who can say, “Yeah I experience that too. You’re not alone and I know your pain.” At least with anxiety and depression, they’re (unfortunately) so widespread its somewhat easy to find someone who can say that. But with bpd, I feel like i’m kinda on an island. I came to this sub to find people I relate to, but it just seems that what I experience is radically different that what I’ve seen posted here and I still feel alone. I guess the point of this is to write out my experiences and hope someone can relate? The most significant symptom I experience is the mood swings. I get incredibly intense, constantly shifting mood swings that cause what I describe as “mental and emotional whiplash.” I go through these swings several times a day at worst, always turning on a dime. I could be having a pretty okay day, then I realize i fucked up some assignment dates and I’m suddenly dunked in this sinking ice feeling that I’m a total fuckup and of course I did this to myself and my mood is bitter and nasty for a few hours. Then something else happens and I’m just angry, so angry and everything and nothing and most of all myself. I’m so angry and all I can do is just mentally stew myself. At this point i take a nap and when I wake up it’s like everything reset and I’m back to neutral/feeling okay. This is all within less than 24 hours. And the next day it’s the same thing but the triggers and emotions are different, but if it’s not the void of depression it’s several intense emotions a day, where all I can think of is that emotion for the duration. I can’t do much of anything during the worst of the negative swings besides take a nap to try to reset my mood. I’ve done a ton of personal research on mental disorders, they run in my family and I always seem to gravitate towards people also with mental illness(of varying types.) I know this extreme mood shit isn’t bipolar, since I don’t really get manic and all my reading/bipolar friend anecdotes describe episodes lasting multiple days or weeks. This isn’t just regular depression either, it’s like all my emotions get turned up to fucking 11 and put in a centrifuge. CW: Self Harm I get terrible compulsions to do bad things too, like eating way too much junk food just for the sake of tasting it(then hating and berating myself for my weight and inability to control my eating), cutting just for the feel of it(then being disgusted that I broke my clean streak, and wanting to hurt myself more as punishment), spending money just because “oooh shiny thing and i have a couple extra bucks!!” (and then wanting to kick my own ass for being so irresponsible, i mean really how can i be such a fucking idiot to buy lootboxes for a game i don’t even like that much anymore) I’ve even had multiple phases of risky and straight up unsafe sex practices, and I’ve been extremely fortunate none of it has fucked me over(so far).(I don’t get any auto self-hate about sex though). On my worst days, I truly hate who I am. I see absolutely nothing good or redeemable in myself, everything I’ve fucked up is all on me. I’ve been given chance after chance in life and I always manage to make sure I fail. I’ve read about splitting on people, and while I get intrusive thoughts that would fall into the category of splitting on the people i love(or just people i know) they’re usually very fleeting, but it seems to me I split on myself? Is that even a thing?? I almost think my prior therapy made this worse because i get stuck in these mental loops where I berate myself then try to shut that down by focusing on good things about me, but that gets shut down by more thoughts of how those good things are wrong and it just goes on and on and i just want to cry. I have intense paranoia linked to many things, such as being abandoned by friends in the form of being passed up/forgotten! And I am constantly forgotten by people who are supposed to be my friends!! It happened all throughout my school life!! I just kinda expect to never get invited to things and that I always have to plan stuff and text people first. I’ve changed friend groups four times the past 5 or so years and nothing fucking changes! I’m convinced people are constantly talking about me or laughing about me when there’s no logical reason to think so, and then my thinking goes to “why the fuck would anyone even notice or want to talk about you anyways.” I probably shouldn’t write anymore because writing about these thinking patterns tends to stir them up in my head. I just hope that I can find someone who experiences bpd closer to what I do.",5.249827249511792,6.123345077812832,5.720276400781135,80.9373080967403,68.2534174553102,8.603815532522157,30.868108757698664,8.750436436589908,2.405106774823494,3863,150,736,61,63,1243,376,951,0.19,0.718,0.092,-0.999,2,3,1,0,0,2,92.0,0,2,2,4,51,54,15,0,33,3,57,24,4,9,11,148,131,76,0,12,28,0,6,5,4,3,6,2,1,2,63,48,5,2,29,4,5,6,15,30,0,2,12,13,94,19,115,108,31,88,0,7,3,10,25,43,9,19,42,503,157,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043429639906105384,0.13475735736976813,0.0,0.034683651907492466,0.14435208140403116,0.0,0.0,0.02949366425655187,0.0,0.033178580421398936,0.0,0.08602445531284014,0.09097771716359096,0.0,0.03569051291212612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033349505404077856,0.03621284692883511,0.07931540014784606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387219640049008,0.0,0.0,0.04960469660317465,0.0,0.044553808500021816,0.09176121397076367,0.0,0.0,0.14060543848457474,0.048644094535029284,0.034628093440635985,0.0479890189821094,0.04764084058236456,0.16782365596276044,0.0,0.11206574488514352,0.0,0.0,0.09062661141820492,0.04970674990024152,0.0,0.0,0.044383436092779914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875841120000308,0.036230778728927736,0.24393183525095244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458414568020504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693676629623224,0.212125060424352,0.0408861760962623,0.0,0.13157762501822376,0.030984142862443977,0.0,0.0,0.11892050950749093,0.03689122161159506,0.05244420220959136,0.0,0.13403283998195828,0.28066955424285,0.2265947829607048,0.0,0.024648652706530917,0.10913223011660088,0.0,0.0,0.04777787933883524,0.0,0.07670539625790755,0.0,0.0,0.08563946767627709,0.04451100309151848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615407728270283,0.08542309883830691,0.0,0.0464293903786401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191774205578494,0.03535303018964483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190233885522517,0.10594402925082692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039143884117778784,0.04103854555121534,0.02895037818019964,0.043971233095086174,0.0,0.047243568659325164,0.0,0.0,0.2185380719762983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956476919707264,0.0,0.033450272121577314,0.0,0.04612538945318802,0.0,0.0,0.12484649667538868,0.04937799852214168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614964071809394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04140238244465025,0.2405430838248137,0.037869752052980134,0.0,0.0,0.08199894113369846,0.0,0.0415372840908719,0.04412374506606066,0.04676111022687938,0.0,0.0,0.043599681890831785,0.0,0.0,0.04338258530695207,0.0,0.05556895229675885,0.044592455703114604,0.04282348063449161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898047907383276,0.0,0.04389361418095597,0.03456095104320235,0.11844957484531715,0.09049050771436117,0.09799342765656384,0.044519552769841014,0.035876814093763955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699191689480046,0.03338899811356805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927203133592824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964924519299765,0.0,0.0,0.04087651147546379,0.0901578360674703,0.06521896106584288,0.0697196903948325,0.0,0.0,0.04959834511171996,0.0,0.23050931685268056,0.16674173103558554,0.04261163848412288,0.0688632183389615,0.05057978112488395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058891918441951886,0.09435005791635943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037458487930452575,0.047766862278807116,0.035785492207700616,0.10232500067387716,0.03442576082373648,0.03478947860904158,0.052814009346350034,0.0,0.0,0.039135444902843416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419859993688695,0.06161881286389107,0.04741921440795405,0.0,0.02792940449024046 bpd,u1049927,2018/02/06,Any guys on here with bpd? Any guys diagnosed with bpd want to chat? I was diagnosed at 18. The only other guy I know with bpd apart from myself is my ex so can't really talk to him anymore haha ,-0.2964285714285708,1.8163650714285708,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,88.76190476190477,6.217142857142857,15.542857142857144,7.554174236665415,0.19090857142857187,151,3,34,3,5,53,33,42,0.0,0.888,0.112,0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391656552500559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439419398230702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6644240757687919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569645071276214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5223521885039418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664158929454722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374050420605696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265288005593505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134014759972535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037198431066164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miramis5,2018/02/06,"Invitation to another sub If you sometimes want to vent or share ideas about therapy - not for advice but for fun and to engage on ideas, check out r/psychotherapricks. Everyone is welcome, but you have to play nice because I don't know how to mod.",6.145248226950352,6.955979127659575,6.58808510638298,75.73333333333333,66.23404255319149,10.521985815602838,32.687943262411345,10.504223727775694,3.4363815602836887,197,8,37,5,3,64,39,47,0.0,0.637,0.363,0.9643,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,5,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,10,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,23,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289768593463411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31094068187443386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076375063597966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833499674415081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6694992744831777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296676931089074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29327869686772945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33911130263555816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749028329097589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lumpydukeofspacenuts,2018/02/06,"Explosive, unpredictable, erratic, sensitive, mercurial, capricious.... I've head these all whispered behind my back and sometimes spoken softly through down-turned eyes and a sympathetic mouth. Either way it hurts. I'm sick of it. I don't even realize when I'm being any of those things. I'm too in the moment sometimes and everything feels so real I can't imagine that anyone would react any differently at all. But then I remember i'm broken. ",4.0916944444444425,7.182960225000002,5.28166666666667,73.0277777777778,78.0,8.555555555555555,28.88888888888889,9.150863307647796,3.375847222222223,358,16,55,10,9,118,62,80,0.124,0.833,0.043,-0.7351,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,1,2,14,9,7,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,6,7,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301458358600545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973088534283565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18665365282143315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25361377716216665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032883462207448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181609023767722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273767402568042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24912337430833795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25986038495748737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762935958149531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749794228328365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801561885521588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126703184429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640336451863673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267734051976956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243698765858212,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tripnix,2018/02/06,Who here disagrees with their diagnosis? I think mine's bullshit and have never considered DBT despite being offered it.,7.120000000000001,10.639723,6.599999999999998,65.555,69.0,8.0,40.0,8.841846274778883,4.661000000000001,100,6,12,2,2,31,20,20,0.276,0.7240000000000001,0.0,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7691809730055659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.639031009236806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sleepythrow7623,2018/02/06,"I told her mother everything. Hope I'm doing the right thing. I have a BPD former friend. Former because she went batshit on me after I gave her some advice and went full on delusional about how God made her better than everyone else so she's above the law. I messaged her mom telling her everything about her daughter, the terrible things she's done, and her current mental state. In return, I find out that she has been emotionally and physically abusing her mother and made it seem like the mother was the bad person. She hates her mom because her mom ""gives her realistic advice instead of optimistic advice"". Hopefully the mother helps her. ",5.1461016949152585,7.503348694915258,5.412000000000003,77.27833898305086,70.52542372881356,8.109830508474579,27.90169491525424,8.841846274778883,2.47067186440678,518,19,85,10,10,164,75,118,0.096,0.742,0.162,0.7717,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,7,0,6,0,0,3,0,14,18,6,0,2,0,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,9,0,23,5,9,9,2,14,0,0,0,0,33,6,0,4,6,58,27,0,0.0,0.15860266005366794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924204392268388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176782507787653,0.16320008913093584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838862713973253,0.0,0.0,0.1685924612924523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698564300458074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118231700304571,0.1505749092129215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790932855455375,0.2406101544801546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234596128205925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342019672765633,0.0,0.0,0.1284110729860758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321594110208294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972379035962774,0.0,0.0,0.2659071201555137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539741960979681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533238543565816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348997776921761,0.0,0.0,0.4703269739799443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688171967031237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143160322291518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186146155881293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169998713440231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786177551464866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790932855455375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24817982476698874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,recyclingbinfetish,2018/02/06,"I want to make sure I'm responding in the healthiest way(s) possible Throwaway account here. My ex and I sort of reconnected and started something new, but given I had entered a polyamorous relationship in October - that is still my primary focus. It's been 7 weeks since we reconnected and she decided she's gotten too close to me and it hurts too much that my primary focus is on my primary partner rather than herself. Polyamorous debates aside (given this is my first and only relationship of that type; it's something I'm experimenting with), I want to make sure I handle the spirals correctly in order to keep her the most safe as well as help her grow. I realize a lot of context will be missing in making this post, but I thought I'd post it to see what people thought based on their own experiences. She originally claimed to have BPD years ago, but in this phone conversation pre-text, I showed her a BPD article about FPs I thought she might relate to and that spiraled her into her thinking I was accusing her of being ""untouchable"" because of that diagnosis so I told her if she didn't want to define herself by it, I wouldn't either. But, that she could still fall on the spectrum and any knowledge should be useful to help her grow. But - anyway, here's the convo: 1. https://cloudup.com/cDJqLsEw6fn 2. https://cloudup.com/ciCn-GmPm2e 3. https://cloudup.com/cogE0xuaZym 4. https://cloudup.com/cC3fSrfpTcO 5. https://cloudup.com/cqAH_v1p309 6. https://cloudup.com/cLXVrVZnIDF 7. https://cloudup.com/cZyQuMULqVr 8. https://cloudup.com/clfdS8Sa38d 9. https://cloudup.com/c97i7yrMNtz 10. https://cloudup.com/cBsFhYbROgS Then the spiral into suicidal-ness happened, and that's what's the most important to analyze and respond to, to keep her safe, so if you only read ANYTHING at all, just read these few messages: 1. https://cloudup.com/cPoW_nji5SH 2. https://cloudup.com/cSeZc8k0X8i **TLDR**: Analyze my last two messages to make sure I responded in the best way to keep someone safe: 1. https://cloudup.com/cPoW_nji5SH 2. https://cloudup.com/cSeZc8k0X8i",7.727667103538664,11.600394470948016,6.2047846221057235,67.21805504587158,69.1223241590214,8.752433377020534,31.055395369156837,9.312151188531436,3.5293887112276114,1700,71,240,41,35,503,182,327,0.027000000000000003,0.833,0.14,0.989,1,0,2,0,0,0,123.0,1,1,1,2,13,10,0,0,11,0,16,0,0,6,5,59,41,21,0,9,10,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,18,14,0,6,7,3,1,4,2,2,1,2,11,1,40,8,37,22,9,32,0,2,1,0,34,13,0,7,11,162,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620586828059187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380456016123996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931147328780507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615927374553697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389621594418126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733810957451709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665288868068399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123275920904659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231611105255462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597329079839373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454916070083091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618429997855605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28940107143004096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846696093158889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226887314493984,0.0,0.0,0.2897801927227869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513386321286362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978251164874109,0.0,0.0,0.10481957307754522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508489194822532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524148384502134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235199502084625,0.20788471421880064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712002953487186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23304259218260526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648487242242403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977767093109197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195766317225493,0.16710438544094688,0.0,0.0,0.07681854901738548,0.0,0.17334542631772445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068665450447345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954205493400377,0.0,0.25848362702162986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370568211711156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601866988294403,0.0,0.0,0.09373563087869027,0.0,0.0,0.19204255876471252,0.1722931483664323,0.08705673681793523,0.0,0.09758208371186954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989017695587438 bpd,sundayisgloomy,2018/02/06,"How do you alleviate the pain? As much as I know everything is going to be okay, the pain is still there. Everything hurts so much and I just want to be nothing. I have to do extreme things to counteract the extreme feelings and it makes me feel even more empty after. What do you do to help the pain?",1.0722248243559704,3.455819360655738,2.703653395784542,91.19983606557379,84.90163934426229,6.108665105386418,21.82903981264637,7.447530270364453,0.8715367681498827,235,8,50,4,7,77,39,61,0.217,0.701,0.083,-0.8898,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,1,9,3,0,2,0,9,15,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,8,13,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406407827870753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38274238263039856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533147912072345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210151994663654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272505404050492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22795006301842025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702286118765208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213498124282062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31306172282236105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043157473653178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6797298063258624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700492272207745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146377131594526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255938865541345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,arozeisarozie,2018/02/06,"“Have you ever considered that all of those different personalities ARE you? Are you comfortable in that moment? Are you happy? Do you like who you are? Does it come naturally? If so, don’t overthink it; embrace it, silly girl!” My therapist really helped me to embrace my chameleon. Passing along the message just in case she can help any of you, too. ",2.8818750000000013,5.857643437500003,4.123750000000001,79.74625000000002,83.375,7.575,26.75,8.472884824447931,2.5583812500000005,276,12,48,7,8,90,47,64,0.0,0.745,0.255,0.9528,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,7,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,2,6,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,4,6,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,14,2,0,1,3,39,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2198240975562891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784550689084465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377320785966061,0.0,0.0,0.28288213043878263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292402138985538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441103520799728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333412616069236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792578649407105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28225330014318234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070850655335222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753233085574016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drinklebee,2018/02/07,"Has anyone found deleting social media accounts is better for their relationships? I’ve deleted all social media accounts because I found they were harming my relationships with people. Has anyone found doing this beneficial for their health? It’s been a day so far and I’m already starting to feel better. ",6.3535849056603775,9.4759111509434,6.355320754716981,68.37788679245286,69.56603773584905,6.504150943396226,31.35471698113208,7.554174236665415,2.7101501886792465,253,11,32,3,5,80,40,53,0.063,0.77,0.16699999999999998,0.7127,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,12,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,5,2,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047646800370902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594888971414427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311267391820995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282168348949189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196676965462746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382223985428018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6103548079576122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723640693915132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864055098335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3984334961110969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3783001380320468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313368632082317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Crkvenjakhura,2018/02/07,"Choosing college as a BPD So, i mostly choose professions and interest around what i enjoy to do to ""zone out"" of world, being that computers, arts or similar stuff. I was good at everthing i had interest in untill i got bored and got another obsession, and those obsession seem to be centered around what my favorite people are like, so i don't really feel i own them. I changed 5 collages in last 5 years and am planning to change it again this year so i don't get stuck on pretty much meaningless college i started i think because my ex was on it and i somehow associated it with feeling of security. And years before i chose collages mostly without thinking as i spent most of last years depressed. But want to do it for real this time. How did you choose your college? How do you get sure the thing you are going on is ""the real one"", and not something that is either idealised, or mixature of someone's elses emotions you are empathically feeling (this happens alot). I want to live a normal life, have money and stuff, but i just can either see myself as good as everything, and usually can get good at everything but i eventually loose interest, or like i am never going to do anything i like and once i start doing something i feel like i went into the wrong direction and many important parts of me are going to die out because of this choice - and feel like it's not me. Also i live in country where there are many unemployed and the fact that i will not get a job if i finish most of the majors i consider fun is an another stressor. I was on some stupid collage i never even wanted, then went on law school where i felt the best, but never studied as i had other preocupations with life, and i wanted to write and be a professor (professor part being obviously an idealisation). Then i went to some random technical college, later on art history that felt like shit and even tho it was interesting i could never see my life based around something i considered so ""secondary"" and like interesting trivia, and now i am on cultural studies that i don't feel like i deserve to call myself a student. And now i am thinking of either going back to law school, going into marketing or some tech studies. And it's fucking hard to choose what the fuck i really want as durring life i was interested and good at so many different stuff and left them all behind when i started feeling some emotional negativity with it. Anyone had similar BPD problems? What did you do, and what college did you went on? What do you consider is ""what you truly want""?",5.6863305214723985,6.576017599182007,6.706292816973416,74.19937787576688,67.28220858895705,9.71168200408998,32.868162065439684,9.827888789773867,3.2947898261758684,2022,86,360,44,32,677,212,489,0.093,0.7240000000000001,0.183,0.9894,4,0,3,0,0,0,47.0,0,9,2,2,24,33,4,2,15,0,43,7,1,2,8,102,87,51,1,10,17,1,10,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,30,33,0,1,17,2,2,9,12,10,0,1,21,12,59,23,55,60,19,60,0,1,2,2,15,26,3,17,33,283,89,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217240653195773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681966227453954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04561732674390974,0.0,0.05368696335530005,0.17423230207112067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016553499677488,0.0,0.07953940013382126,0.0,0.05551443708415274,0.0,0.06846535777097665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433499895367662,0.0,0.06661733695392688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380305445319745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208883347203717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619111866736405,0.0,0.06770882266098416,0.06816191712071339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449965078235281,0.14677244378698204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618081288685335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726701532683052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309111390042776,0.13982241274147478,0.12528126704519146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062666233448205,0.13634083476766526,0.0,0.18538698475294785,0.21888087565744455,0.10435677978036556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769151886652912,0.0,0.05844222791325102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474063591187103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063586192198106,0.0,0.0,0.07088345374622959,0.0,0.18432377293221774,0.2549837590782061,0.0,0.1152162351475699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984293685278915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047958908543328405,0.0,0.2012684477847091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392135081242499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947847359668217,0.04420831420604263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129713051102227,0.0,0.045229203340637625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637253687815056,0.0,0.06242587166127499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485148116924314,0.08358883249993586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205273131639514,0.10397567088761632,0.0593920481504281,0.0,0.0,0.06696792517478052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527764251585782,0.15067482408617414,0.0,0.0,0.1385316289480633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22405258342945886,0.0,0.0,0.06148793039424536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043342558838375816,0.12540947822670984,0.0,0.0,0.03804197017925369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718526458578489,0.0,0.23088146316509076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419125441953117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288903443956588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132970132777196,0.0,0.1680496908626319 bpd,randomdudeondrugs,2018/02/07,Anyone with BPD who have experienced MDMA for therapeutical purpose ? How was your experience ?,8.311428571428571,12.731611571428573,9.89714285714286,36.57285714285717,76.14285714285714,11.371428571428574,35.57142857142857,10.125756701596842,6.278971428571429,78,4,8,3,2,27,14,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015591275127765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7233021256387148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5617689045841668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cdeverett,2018/02/07,"Of negatives & narcissists There was a recent thread about people posting things ranging from the unhelpful to the upsetting. One of the replies on it was concise and said simply that narcissists seem to lurk here. For anyone reading this subreddit, regardless of diagnosis or state of mind, something that **might** be common ground is the tendency to have had exposure as a child to people (likely adults) who were abusive/narcissistic/neglectful etc. ##For venting and off-topic, albeit relevant, discourse, can I suggest, /r/RaisedByNarcissists ? It's quite bleak, but certainly seems to have room for the hopeless, the damning and the angry; of course those feelings have a place here, too, but when we need to rant it could be better shared away from a sub that aims for (from the sidebar) learning, and being kind, empathetic, respectful, and non-judgmental. I realise that this post and anything that advocates vetting & vetoing certain kinds of content is, literally, judgmental. I hope that there's enough nuanced difference that I'm not a glaring hypocrite right now... (Edit - if anyone know of other parallel subs, perhaps for survivors of abuse & traumatic experiences, or for directly addressing immediate needs, please put them in the comments. /r/suicidewatch springs to mind, there must be many others.)",7.915970991136183,10.496262461187213,7.107177007789417,67.05256244963739,63.65753424657535,10.63239323126511,38.909750201450436,10.718039707386858,5.09550475423046,1065,57,148,30,17,328,150,219,0.118,0.752,0.13,0.4759,0,0,1,0,1,2,59.0,1,0,1,2,9,12,1,1,14,0,17,0,0,0,3,30,26,13,0,7,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,2,2,17,7,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,5,3,5,9,29,14,2,16,0,1,0,0,9,7,1,7,6,106,22,3,0.0,0.1608439205417955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412617027587108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984190825237912,0.0,0.111712328397306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754347178899272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006161138956895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838692499985376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183194566595606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026810381426,0.1513993633598695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279150383614893,0.0,0.0,0.06864028961031153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348323656467009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827296338579928,0.07460574845579722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632156963696118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763121991681504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440114182803671,0.2741416409890801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131677437485945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919890678448882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882266867395485,0.0,0.14183194566595606,0.14901492939547895,0.0,0.0,0.2600257795407095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646825399788093,0.0,0.1443889610323671,0.13578873546778816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403872181760187,0.0,0.0,0.11593146545144467,0.12913123799049256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24716704289121386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450852111045628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018759609271512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heliumfucker,2018/02/07,"People always abandon me I lost 2 of my friends and my boyfriend during the past few months... There must be something seriously wrong with me, I just dont understand what. i think i should just distance myself from everyone because I cant take losing people anymore. Fees like everybody secretly hates me",5.2221818181818165,7.915319581818185,5.219999999999999,77.23000000000002,71.36363636363637,8.036363636363637,32.81818181818181,8.841846274778883,3.2343818181818182,247,12,39,5,5,77,45,55,0.21600000000000005,0.653,0.13,-0.6269,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,10,10,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,11,2,3,6,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086318767806037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24866206827615325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284592716640555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938599340735861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23958834851453806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371749048357945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475492240085508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249661489498655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805086935904674,0.2737072267399256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013454463698285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393552394562003,0.3476566083207409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302830336780188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885217603584612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066107231356888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610243164722392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741397173125076,0.0,0.0 bpd,HelpIamlost42,2018/02/07,"Let's discuss BDP and pets Hello guys, I need your help on this. My significant other was diagnosed with BPD (she has had eating disorder and depression for two years), and something I've been postponing for some time is the decision about pets. She loves dogs and somehow I think it would be a good thing for her since she's home all the time without much to do. She is capable of taking her of it. I mean, she wouldn't leave the dog at home and not go out never. I want to know what you think, if it's beneficial or not, and what I should know about it, from experience or not. Let's start a discussion focused on positive things. I.. I really do need help. I'm trying to be positive throughout the years, being understanding and looking for the right paths to take, taking care of everything and helping in whatever way I can. But on this subject, I want to be sure and hear other people's opinions. I hope you can share with me and others your experience with pets, and probably help me take a decision on this matter. Have a good week! ",4.197382113821135,5.496312673170736,5.281463414634147,81.5389430894309,71.04878048780488,9.173983739837398,27.32520325203252,9.558583805096642,2.3589934959349583,818,28,164,19,15,270,116,205,0.047,0.726,0.227,0.9889,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,4,0,0,3,8,0,0,9,0,20,3,0,0,3,46,42,15,0,9,8,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,5,1,14,15,1,0,8,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,3,2,24,7,26,30,3,17,0,1,1,1,22,8,0,7,7,117,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156470618892184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269520791355965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364913676905263,0.1221431220265524,0.0,0.0,0.13792069264436482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313842260141708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815432401391828,0.23543229295554655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839230609238896,0.20187188256073135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915606141474333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563254252042414,0.0,0.3226469278581487,0.0,0.24142276115993785,0.11952531634852245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227203487571002,0.0,0.0,0.12742326343860128,0.0,0.24611272519790514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105575091407963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861204204961644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108613469121766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846414858419688,0.17846198149834175,0.0928140485831284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834289829814658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974746335767487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709323588518717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277016958332046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954694401898506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264403236515613,0.0,0.0,0.0851776585351914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341954134792265,0.0,0.36192445902415377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989782426484184,0.1542187267208995,0.0,0.0,0.14034308138320806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170333203207457,0.0,0.11755522822490225,0.12527875343373412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195994503864814,0.0955207247938756,0.09652992794992643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600399291723168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548647182895032,0.0,0.0,0.15499073345851086 bpd,The-Mad-King-Baker,2018/02/07,"DAE feel the need to tell people what they're thinking all the time? Like the title says, does anyone else feel the need to, almost obsessively, tell people what they're thinking? Or explain the rational behind thoughts they've had, even if it's clear what you mean? It also makes me feel guilty for not sharing these thoughts even though it shouldn't.",7.08727272727273,7.707204545454545,5.505606060606059,84.9784090909091,64.15151515151516,7.8121212121212125,28.62121212121212,7.1686216300943375,1.4163757575757585,284,8,53,2,4,82,46,66,0.1,0.825,0.075,-0.1727,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,2,19,14,4,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,2,2,4,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508567027688498,0.0,0.0,0.1637849177307658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320654546138606,0.2098500428135698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922889832048775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109083925955085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705475611901803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106713005063336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005886439636476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367109588449725,0.0,0.0,0.22309600000638385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037251370579984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839762181043649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287157592675364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580225131527969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624654479175467,0.20122286205933068,0.3251894172045389,0.11942521670547727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CircusCactus,2018/02/07,"Does anyone else have this problem? (Telling people about your BPD) Hi everyone, I just came here to vent, to be honest, because I really don’t know what to say anymore and whether it is only me. I was diagnosed with BPD a year ago, after years of struggling with my emotions, losing people, being unable to form relationships, suicide attempts, drug abuse etc, you probably understand. Slowly, I decided to open up to friends and family about this and, I kid you not, almost every person tells me something along the lines of “but aren’t we all borderline?” or “oh, but I also see the world in black and white, you’re ok” or “everybody has problems like that, that doesn’t mean you are borderline”, or “I am also sad but I just pick myself up, you should too” or “are you sure you aren’t exaggerating?” and it goes on and on. I feel like my issues are just pushed aside and no one takes me seriously, which makes me feel even more alone. Have any of you encountered this? What do you say to this? I feel as if I should keep this a secret so no one judges me, since they don’t seem to understand. (Sorry for any mistakes, written on mobile)",3.9448155080213922,5.512489968181821,4.743422459893051,84.1042513368984,72.04545454545455,7.903743315508021,25.213903743315512,8.4952907291091,1.6135828877005354,883,27,174,15,17,285,136,220,0.152,0.777,0.07,-0.9532,2,1,2,0,1,1,34.0,1,9,1,2,12,13,0,1,4,1,19,2,0,2,2,47,33,20,1,6,13,0,3,2,1,2,2,2,0,2,12,13,0,1,10,0,0,2,8,7,0,2,3,8,30,6,25,26,4,14,0,2,3,0,21,8,0,7,6,124,42,0,0.0,0.1428990273896252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691042014197437,0.0,0.12077002756963888,0.12491200172619638,0.0,0.19289801187113986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403316505015267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960927908055655,0.08433089654764456,0.12357565217437412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735206269517153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30379942853117753,0.0,0.0,0.1379417510552922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241309868152117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554359532881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398652955913529,0.0,0.10075128772474493,0.13566612356013874,0.0,0.0,0.1345081722620158,0.07965948176614095,0.0,0.1016162111106162,0.11524471681824755,0.0,0.0,0.11369711158181953,0.0,0.18294687033272594,0.08616133580220957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318031311596534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588189250741916,0.0,0.10720063370037657,0.0,0.0,0.06628219988730104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784452609898133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492786756250966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050580153400404,0.0,0.0,0.13137587835888834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345222475594887,0.091726707906225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722677719649226,0.10530897813985432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003424811941014,0.23080833975727694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726363740759526,0.0,0.0,0.1294862875128964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182232174903502,0.0,0.0,0.09610779687200932,0.10979566374952388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997669756549274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284880628566657,0.0,0.13500914658736082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608414140442675,0.0,0.13192397880357604,0.0,0.11367023600737755,0.0,0.09068110791401887,0.0,0.21083086266163192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511113217402098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533331418738058 bpd,majorlosr,2018/02/07,"Even when it’s good, it’s bad. I’ve been feeling pretty good lately, since the end of last year after I recovered from the biggest breakdown of my life. I managed to hold a job for 9 months (3 months is usually my cut off point), and I’m wanting to get back into work since my last job was an internship so it came to an end recently. I’ve gone from not being able to function to being pretty high functioning, motivated to get working and keep going. I’m not suicidal, I haven’t self harmed in months, I have a wonderful boyfriend and wonderful friends and I’m actually working towards a career and sticking to it. Despite all of this, I’ve been depersonalising frequently and really badly. It’s as though when I’m feeling good, I don’t feel real because I’ve never felt good before. Ever. I feel good but hollow, if that makes sense. Like I’m faking my way through life so I don’t self destruct. It’s like when I’m not horrifically depressed, when I’m not pushing people away or doing things that I know will end badly, I just feel empty. If I’m not in some sort of pain I don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like I exist at all. I almost self harmed the other day just because I felt like such a ghost, and I wanted to feel something because all I was feeling was nothing. Is this what BPD does? If you’re not allowing it to destroy you then it just makes you feel like you’re non-existent, like you’re pretending to live. And if you do give in to it, you become this monster who hurts everyone around you in order to ultimately hurt yourself. I’m just really tired of living with this stupid disorder. I hate living with it, I hate the stigma that surrounds it because I feel like if I mention it to people, they’re just going to hate me and think I’m an awful person. I hate that I don’t even know who I am, that I look back on my life and realise I haven’t got a clue who I am. Ugh. Sorry this is so long but I’m really sick of being mentally ill and needed somewhere to vent.",3.556498867354641,4.457824082725062,5.182496853762904,83.14927007299272,72.16301703163019,7.907408339625808,26.824481919624127,8.216663640201805,1.6565497273261176,1562,52,322,23,29,531,182,411,0.218,0.642,0.14,-0.9942,2,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,5,0,4,21,33,8,0,12,1,24,7,0,4,5,71,72,29,2,8,19,0,13,8,1,1,7,0,0,4,28,16,0,2,19,1,0,5,14,19,0,0,10,14,38,14,40,58,4,47,0,3,1,0,15,15,0,11,33,192,66,8,0.06750793528144597,0.0,0.06587800669795328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759944568332042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060096374913905626,0.0,0.0,0.06342592742225725,0.10381887043054366,0.16909891845500066,0.16460884304627152,0.07455721068924863,0.057444280730134266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502388125967425,0.0,0.0,0.07721109364281166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043537033464389134,0.0,0.058144485737562826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736994244576723,0.0,0.05907664909274126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793759797277836,0.0,0.0,0.08917670914178796,0.06106479236430175,0.0,0.06450672515043185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754744451127812,0.1929107298151531,0.12963640905628993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215646333777122,0.0,0.07054021979455817,0.06475976291167805,0.0767326306828496,0.2831122661089069,0.053992262811824274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26660043951767226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713258400676884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445372819022307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398241824307566,0.0600041546804112,0.0,0.0,0.0742011914913069,0.11005595483695067,0.07615189143616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304855340834946,0.2638477377679229,0.0,0.1788322309686763,0.059742398373244465,0.05668966332845333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012414201614732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803212072786508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165256963513794,0.0,0.0,0.050056278621250214,0.052066281421250464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477568460163033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183320280279308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360300456479237,0.05894532518530871,0.0,0.0,0.06381681933400034,0.0,0.0,0.13735967944410832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683880971818792,0.1297419359423133,0.0,0.06665594187243258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112764982964927,0.0,0.0,0.11168652334513306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05197090671896935,0.0,0.07556960659151264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384272421663174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04484927251806288,0.043256359077395536,0.06632620365751186,0.0,0.0,0.07759044078756422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435045326325466,0.0,0.07963585859857739,0.053584656790672563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641895223401669,0.14743974270156418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347289698665165 bpd,dreamsme11,2018/02/07,"Being drunk Even when i think I’m getting better (have a loving n supportive boyfriend, family and friends), there are still moments where I surprise myself by exhibiting BPD traits that I thought were in remission. Got home from drinks with friends, verrrrrryyyy drunk and dropped one of my earrings on the ground (one of the studs made of surgical implant grade materials that cost like $50 and can stay in your ears forever) and spend like an hour crawling on the ground trying to find it, which ended in me bawling my eyes out and screaming (I was home alone btw). Although logically I knew I was overreacting and that I’d be better off just waiting until the next morning to try and find it, I just crawled around the ground, crying n screaming trying to find this god damn earring. I got a glass out of the cupboard and smashed it on the bricks in the backyard, checked my Snapchat trying to distract myself and found my boyf had opened without replying a bunch of my snaps saying I was really really drunk (like near SOS stage) and that kinda just cemented it for me. The fact that I was having a breakdown over a misplaced fucking earring just made me think how it was inevitable that he would leave me because of all the stupid intense shit I do bcos of BPD. Lucky I have a psychologist appointment tomorrow but idk if I can be fucked making it there cos I’m gonna be mega hungover and shameful tomorrow. I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I haven’t needed to post in this subreddit in months and months, but I’m just so scared of losing him that Idk what else to do. He doesn’t know about my BPD. For a little bit, I steered clear of alcohol for these reasons, but that’s not something I really want to do again, cos I have great times when I’m drunk as long as I’m with people and in the right mindset, but these breakdowns make me feel sick and just bring about the “psycho attention seeking bitch” phenotype I try so hard to avoid. ",9.733373015873017,7.103989976190476,8.607876984126985,75.42705357142857,60.61375661375661,11.778042328042329,39.76256613756614,9.827888789773867,3.6817931216931212,1553,61,302,22,16,480,205,378,0.162,0.7659999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9875,0,2,3,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,3,21,25,6,4,20,0,25,14,3,8,3,64,55,28,0,4,13,0,2,3,3,2,2,4,3,0,21,20,6,2,14,5,3,1,5,13,0,2,14,7,34,12,46,35,3,44,0,1,1,4,9,23,5,3,18,189,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412055934653107,0.0,0.10090569293363287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673129029800859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593910089099319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233372963783847,0.10636579206822036,0.0,0.3681202537604264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070197306788988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544203444788854,0.0,0.0,0.08138832427091852,0.0,0.08629200564675141,0.0,0.0,0.12870012641324613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184614504748616,0.0,0.04926236194508578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671414010356539,0.0,0.0,0.10682442141376616,0.15054476644044526,0.1801406388639906,0.050901941169096285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584363038493868,0.10741436019672927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727606375890354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195455811880464,0.0,0.09594663863694172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708740899780206,0.0,0.0,0.10316184475808632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279472829022194,0.0976481296633778,0.0,0.08622043016458539,0.0,0.10899665191737268,0.0,0.0,0.08793228425027902,0.1843768514013403,0.13006746472244793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553168794323896,0.0,0.0,0.07224138957727866,0.0,0.0,0.103615442053447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203903366063807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754408542366458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866175702274893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724399809737385,0.1001718807082641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320270564585916,0.0,0.07747840090919521,0.0975421032106066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000081125591452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500458728419357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384494279317,0.07780587041001498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055977571264868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485544566543877,0.0,0.07734669445616321,0.05681086319650811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307349940606646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746536941819925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791332651362949,0.0,0.0,0.09391680597171308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920982792113223,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aadil53,2018/02/07,"Has anyone ever told you to stop falling in love with every person you meet ? Two people who I used to be in love with, said that I fall in love with almost anyone easily, I never really believed them at first but now I'm starting to. Anyone else have similar experiences ?",2.9766037735849054,5.260168924528305,5.0194716981132075,77.9552452830189,76.73584905660377,7.258867924528303,20.033962264150947,8.238735603445708,1.298452075471698,215,5,37,4,5,74,39,53,0.052000000000000005,0.773,0.175,0.7796,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,9,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,6,3,10,8,0,12,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,1,6,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666212614984666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119737425484832,0.20123081021036324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212709271193264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640635748373749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776513368988416,0.16547201760620753,0.0,0.0,0.1921128772097101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670542535947097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5317649070778994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147262675773496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615618963772005,0.17148532595729873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258162435864876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681747665585288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901003001547946,0.0,0.0,0.16419576778619369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876647003656996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185025844856626,0.0,0.0,0.16962300158803656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WhitePretear,2018/02/07,"Insomnia rant Guess I'm venting a bit. It's 7:30am, I can't sleep as usual. I have therapy later today and I don't want to go. Group therapy, one on one, plus the shrink. I always come home in tears. I haven't been at it long, it feels like my billionth try at therapy but my first try at DBT, I hate it. I hate talking in front of strangers, especially about my feelings. I didn't go last week because I dumped my boyfriend. He's better off without me but he refuses to believe it. I just hurt everyone around me, I'm a toxic cancer. I cut myself again, I just want to die. I don't want to leave my house or my bed. I don't want to talk to people or see anyone. I've never posted on Reddit before but this seems like the spot to let my crazy flow a bit. No one understands how I feel or how my brain works, I feel like an abomination on Earth. This messed up head of mine is a mistake. I don't deserve to live. I just feel like trash. 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Over the last 2 days since his happened he has done nothing but abuse me and my friends and accuse me of being the worst person in his life. He has messaged me everywhere he can and I think he’s obsessing a bit which concerns me. I believed him when he said he suffers from BPD despite the fact that he seems to self diagnose everything before he goes to a doctor but the last couple of weeks me and others had noticed how he would discover a new “symptom” that people with bpd sometimes do and it would start happening to him a lot, the same can be said for multiple disorders. I just wanted to vent but I’m sure he will see this, feel free to tell your side of the story I would talk to you about it but you have me blocked and only in block me to message me.",6.019697098976106,5.420608825938568,6.452898890784982,81.41504799488057,66.54266211604096,9.509300341296928,31.964377133105803,8.841846274778883,2.4249387372013653,1138,40,232,16,16,370,165,293,0.129,0.745,0.125,0.1692,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,1,4,0,1,11,17,2,1,19,1,23,8,1,2,3,50,44,25,0,10,10,0,1,0,5,6,6,2,0,3,13,17,0,3,4,0,1,3,3,7,0,0,11,4,35,11,37,22,4,27,0,1,1,1,43,13,1,4,11,160,48,1,0.0,0.12235860273429401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258534586950429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828807679946996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220910357049247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940860569465309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787555131345696,0.11635043919056068,0.0,0.0,0.1127445904788614,0.0,0.3901965702523463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426679466009665,0.0,0.06660090037873259,0.0,0.0,0.10481733840081853,0.0,0.0,0.23671377763271856,0.10570168704156943,0.0,0.1056815306062812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914669711856484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281282639242053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052216645178159375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191459906616914,0.09547187193555062,0.05395455061349101,0.0,0.0,0.08661835835250152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739651679520038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922000940409116,0.0,0.0,0.10257086378097048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683584089434443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458859534326331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779684819115198,0.0,0.09771700187073967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765737341408625,0.0,0.09973924934028844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909078717193932,0.11757409794018897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854183487351897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159473080852982,0.1803435566490693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196711606287118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964677035556407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229318247959039,0.09401354402536324,0.1077336074273537,0.0,0.0,0.0854263878709193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213712100524087,0.0,0.07309535985932689,0.0,0.0,0.08633872485585266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733118205498677,0.10733754470747724,0.07764653029095878,0.16600976046378133,0.09026292984558144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617153793945864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867934568891223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060911590237733085,0.0,0.08283733014073882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934414741564975,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,holdingthispose,2018/02/07,"Breakdown Stream of Consciousness Something I wrote when I was having a breakdown this afternoon. I did a quick spellcheck to make sure it was at least intelligible, but I've left all the other errors as they were made. I guess I just wanted to share. Maybe someone can help, or a least just understand. > And even as my hands are furiously going and words are just spilling out it feels like my mind is just empty that there isn’t anything in there. There's just this blank stare and i ' m not even looking at the screen. I could just be crying or screaming. I guess that’s what it's like inside is just screaming there’s a little girl inside of me, sitting in the corner with the blanket pulled up over her head, rocking back and forth in the dark, within the walls would just get closer and closer. Then there's just this other little girl the same little girl screaming as loud as she can into the sky. She’s just screaming and screaming and shaking and crying and now she’s falling down because the world is just too exhausting. She’s just staring there and all wide eyed and lonely. She wants a hug but she knows she doesn’t deserve one so she’s just going to become the little girl in the corner, rocking back and forth, until another little girl comes along and screams. There's a room of these little girls and they don’t know how to talk to one another. They don’t see each other they just see the black walls and the little light that comes from underneath The screaming girls aren’t trying to get their attention but not even screaming for help just screaming. Just screaming and devolving into the animalistic creatures there only capable of being. There is no productivity. There is no hope. There is no skill. There is no ability. There is nothing. Nothing but hell. Nothing. 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I've tried to be as understanding as I can. Supporting him to get the right kind of help. I've told him he needs someone he can vent to that he doesn't have an emotional connection with. His denial of what he's like when his switch is triggered is, I think, the hardest part of being on the outside of it. He can get mean...so...mean. He feels that since he doesn't hit me or call me terrible names that it's not mean. He is impossible when he is in that state. We even have a nickname for it. When he finally snaps out of it, he denies just how terrible it was. I've tried. I've tried so hard, but I'm getting completely worn down. I'm not giving up on him, but I'm starting to shut down. I know it's hard for him, but if he can't admit to a lot of it, or seek the proper help, what can I do? I always end up crushed, and trying to put my pieces back together after a switch. After 4 years, I don't know what to do. He is fantastic, and the love of my life, until he becomes that other person. My spirit is breaking, and I don't know how much longer I can do this. That's why I'm here. What can I do, on my part, to make the episodes not so explosive? Someone commented on another post to not take things at face value during a switch. I feel this is a good place to start. (Is switch an okay term to use?)",0.9123366701791368,2.446237804794521,2.974246575342466,93.74193361433089,80.19863013698631,6.410115911485772,20.819810326659642,7.321109707123232,0.3857640674394096,1037,28,249,14,26,351,143,292,0.077,0.816,0.107,0.9147,0,0,0,0,1,0,46.0,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,13,1,29,3,1,5,0,34,57,19,0,2,11,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,21,6,0,0,9,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,3,4,24,6,37,51,6,31,1,0,0,1,33,14,0,4,14,153,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136366327932183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967620769617328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193955067494085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941935238226471,0.0,0.0,0.12843247990683734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29292479749538464,0.0,0.11874445529653407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192719871944738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080989639438753,0.10299787102720363,0.0,0.0,0.07680803640004029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759880568511005,0.0,0.0,0.12738932773118675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226919859868596,0.11155536630241744,0.0,0.09753801166184108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083448794920891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15589263553143778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109749049082395,0.1917288002160648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213862567853683,0.05681311533464765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098865069318116,0.10495570249477224,0.0,0.07762406178829144,0.0,0.0,0.3800196670887381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548607212462482,0.08622709914712286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518601247765069,0.0,0.0,0.10153939803378192,0.12149764746772135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137307729516578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690294268274873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993104921017583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619577390826932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706322260109949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462043839184806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196380631438767,0.0,0.0,0.08743513870581587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725749445644174,0.07451353687580572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111194826784662,0.0,0.31581141272245505,0.0,0.0,0.12106134205910883,0.0,0.10043668388408487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049330745989462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748865457427216 bpd,notadoctorokay,2018/02/07,"If you could suggest 5 things A therapist do to support you, what would those 5 things be? ",6.1483333333333325,5.748203833333335,5.852222222222222,85.165,66.22222222222223,9.422222222222222,34.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.6462666666666674,71,3,15,1,1,22,15,18,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391110045763229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4819766664299121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4931423176544819,0.5643412489350639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017148138244537,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WholeClass,2018/02/07,"Borderline's w/ No Acting Skills Get Me Heated I am @ a small art school and there is a dude with typical Borderline traits, I wanna like him. But he doesn't shut the fuck up about how sad he is, how much validation he needs, his fears, sexual curiosity, etc. It's the most cringe worthy character I could ever imagine creating and brews a deep hatred I wish didn't exist. The anger derives from the fact that I know exactly where he is coming from and it freaks me out. So everyday; I put on this mask, act like a confident narcissist and sure as hell to don't degrade my masculinity. I get arrested, make people hate me, manipulate, and ruin everything I care about; but there's no fuckin reason to be a faggot about it! LOL Maybe I'm taking this too personally, but I hate seeing my demon outside of the cage. Suppress that motherfucker and let it drown. ",3.3121887550200806,5.505520861445788,4.9332289156626485,79.40474297188756,75.32530120481928,8.764016064257026,24.31967871485943,9.3871,2.271009317269076,677,22,128,18,15,228,114,166,0.236,0.63,0.134,-0.9759,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,11,15,6,1,10,1,10,2,0,5,4,29,24,13,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,9,0,1,3,1,0,4,5,11,0,0,1,1,16,4,14,20,3,13,2,2,1,2,7,7,3,1,4,80,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393785675561507,0.0,0.0,0.1723030135450239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970293320487733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307969724166285,0.0,0.18093321091879344,0.0,0.0,0.17976872457635115,0.0,0.0,0.22508267383556235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18491901731560947,0.20900862792105526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39496468985369976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992799050579337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453815006575124,0.0,0.19544330104001972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351761108923027,0.0,0.20095105006042288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470406967701757,0.14831530358044995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867149556914748,0.1746532910617927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107942404343715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565804429298568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024350242001981,0.15939327602346354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852030629424396,0.0,0.15039319737088164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300177937679992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,losingmymindsince93,2018/02/07,Received my official diagnosis today. Even though I know in my heart it’s true I still feel like I should get a second opinion. Is this overkill? My family dr whom I’ve been seeing for 4 years also suspected this as does my therapist. ,0.5921739130434781,2.9564546304347843,2.8133695652173927,85.13353260869567,100.52173913043478,6.647826086956522,20.967391304347828,7.6454224807358475,1.675313043478261,187,7,35,5,8,63,39,46,0.044,0.833,0.123,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,6,7,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,7,2,3,5,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24546879859336995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686151017657424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20273840145918692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893663144871546,0.0,0.15520377160752574,0.21928602974609107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036935582574569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637387015562106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869237600364953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996087290752358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24460040002265435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451316596289461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563940520626807,0.0,0.0,0.30157803834183583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909538880480208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19766653707439003 bpd,tidbrit,2018/02/07,"My boyfriend tagged someone on Facebook I find myself constantly getting mad at my boyfriend over little things. Today he tagged another girl in a post on Facebook and we got into a huge fight where I brought up the fact he has a TON of girl friends and that makes me extremely jealous. He got mad and threw it back at me, criticizing me for still being close to my ex. Now I feel like I fucked up because he stopped talking to me and I'm freaking the fuck out. Any advice?",4.074179331306993,5.452740308510637,4.33437689969605,87.90500000000004,71.44680851063829,7.073556231003039,31.51367781155016,7.447530270364453,1.8954699088145888,375,17,76,4,7,117,66,94,0.251,0.677,0.07200000000000001,-0.9612,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,4,9,6,0,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,13,12,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,4,1,13,2,14,7,1,23,0,0,0,2,11,14,2,0,7,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199252735585777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304799313315248,0.2359942245789323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305665480149673,0.0,0.13719401689787386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432090724806054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379670830937945,0.1607823579599648,0.0,0.0,0.2057000577499771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388020181841865,0.41612726077409984,0.1175841580242922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600008495036997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099525709673534,0.2255684723490681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502287827780193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554452898802995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906919541418695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973259076931242,0.1881595926874053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089408294568646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951935115589984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332983333296127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Vehlix,2018/02/07,"Experiencing Extreme Emotions As per usual with BPD, but sort of at the point of apathy regarding them as well. Like before, I'd be sitting there and Guilt and Shame come busting down my door screaming ""TIME TO FEEL, BITCH"" and then proceed to terrorize me for however long. But now, I'm more like ""Oh hey guys, beers in the fridge, make yourselves at home"". The emotions still suck to have but I'm too exhausted trying to be pro-active in preventing them. I'm just becoming more and more depressed. My counselor just keeps telling me to be mindful and that these are things I have to tolerate, but what's the point of life if you just spend it tolerating your emotions rather than actually being happy. The only time I've ever felt stable and comfortable and didn't have horribly negative emotions was when I was single and didn't have a dog, so I gave my dog away and broke up with my girlfriend. It should be heartbreaking but I just feel so god damn numb and void inside now because I'm so tired. However, I now feel like I have the opportunity to focus on myself, becoming healthy again mentally and physically and moving forward with my goals instead of staying in this emotional purgatory. Having responsibilities to other living things, be it a pet or another human, is just far too overwhelming for me and I guess the point of this is for validation....I just want to know someone can relate. ",7.3765525982256035,7.52902135741445,7.624425855513308,71.62802027883399,63.56273764258553,10.96770595690748,35.02382762991128,10.650279960617883,3.7637596451204063,1119,46,199,26,15,365,156,263,0.184,0.667,0.149,-0.9369,2,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,2,2,22,20,3,4,9,0,21,5,0,1,1,45,37,27,0,4,14,0,4,3,1,1,4,1,3,2,11,17,1,2,5,1,1,3,3,13,1,0,6,6,20,7,32,24,4,31,0,4,0,0,10,14,3,4,17,141,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.10872200516700968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682515808967853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467520731982427,0.0,0.0,0.06791569896106249,0.24609152134671844,0.09480337519912918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031946807401982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597154160701267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595896105018044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6266173174078001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077849958930606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899970915027765,0.07959272910266384,0.10697295684637358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273283867164934,0.11031536019125088,0.0,0.1186001070172838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175528353117244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902807237500093,0.0,0.0,0.06122910155512325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869356477902772,0.16329077343159326,0.0,0.09837880507703313,0.09859608191252743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436835087373933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227705499971316,0.0,0.11249432331982866,0.0,0.0,0.11841328560770822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473381878176629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159609515745503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439899526694777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875032943227665,0.08897373809870301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973789669233393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480343162415978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299304239274144,0.12805166286972974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564141005443191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270453781213488,0.0,0.06571366275342068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001727353728033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,songofsuccubus,2018/02/07,"DAE try to sugarcoat their feelings so they don't get abandoned? Someone I care about didn't message me back for a day and a half and when they finally messaged back and apologized, I essentially said ""teehee, I was upset but don't worry about it, it's just borderline stuff"" when I actually wanted to tell him that I cried a lot, I thought about killing myself, and I was certain he abandoned me. Do you guys also sugarcoat your feelings because you're afraid of being abandoned? edit for clarification.",6.696418439716313,7.644046797872343,7.090212765957446,72.13333333333334,65.06382978723404,9.670921985815603,36.94326241134753,9.725611199111238,3.7853177304964536,405,20,68,8,6,132,64,94,0.115,0.7020000000000001,0.184,0.5788,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,2,3,0,10,8,1,2,3,0,7,0,0,0,1,16,14,9,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,3,16,2,8,8,1,6,0,3,0,0,13,0,0,1,6,52,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.22638701400838246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855208760442946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567692049678263,0.0,0.1414178506776893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365274264104097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25482813931763515,0.14961319412677815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346004041165703,0.0,0.0,0.25413172856447336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120425713549375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297047865755745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25666056629655604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972280677505168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206738985851511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656284513008968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26557098104058424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027679080709708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841727138126688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750475656976398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683264825228705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355952734010688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hooguro,2018/02/07,"Is work even an option? I've been wondering this for years now, especially since I dropped out of school (FOA, I did graduate high school with a mixed bag of grades..) It's been almost three years now since then. Any attempt to work, even part time, as in two times a week for seven hours a day, is absolutely futile. I end up having to quit or being fired for too many sick days. A leave I need because the stress is life ruining to me. I know that people should be able to cope with more, but I am utterly incapable of dealing with stress.. writing applications alone already devastates me and my energy is often gone before I can even start with one - now, work tends to turn me into a vegetable; I can't leave my bed, and if I'm forced to leave the house I immediately get the impulse to act on whatever suicidal fantasy is playing out in my mind at the moment.. the only thing preventing me from doing that is actually my struggle to move when I'm in that zombie-like state... I've been unemployed for almost a year now. In spite of starting therapy and testing a variety of medication, things seem to be looking down. Even on good days, if I think about doing anything for my future, it usually ends in tears and me in a near catatonic state.. I feel pathetic like this, really, because I know I'm smart, just.. not capable of keeping up with what I'm expected to do - what would be normal for me to do. Due to my ever deteriorating mental and, due to this, also physical health, I'm questioning if I should maybe give up? Not necessarily permanently, but maybe I should find a way to sustain myself that will be less.. damaging? I know that I have to move out of my parents' home, because they're incredibly abusive and I will only become worse in this environment (something that even my therapist often points out to me, she predicts that being near my parents is going to stunt any progress I could make), but I can't afford my own home since I'm unemployed. Is it possible to arrange something, somehow? I know that here in Germany, there's a way for unemployed individuals to get a certain amount of money from the state, under the condition that a certain amount of applications is sent per month, no matter where. But even with only that I'm not so sure if I could manage.. since I live with my parents still, all the child support money is going into their bank account, and I'm too afraid to ask them about that. So... is there any way to determine if I am unable to work due to my disorder(s), which will help me get financial aid while I have time to sort out my life without the stress that always makes me suicidal, and too mortified to take necessary actions? Or am I bound to be stuck with my abusive parents and a death wish for life?",7.537034956304621,6.519909769662924,8.011348314606742,72.85156679151063,63.66292134831461,11.431710362047445,35.133583021223465,10.66633372479733,3.591413732833958,2163,82,414,47,27,719,257,534,0.177,0.76,0.063,-0.9967,11,1,2,0,0,0,75.0,0,0,2,7,29,16,1,5,23,0,44,7,0,2,5,80,82,27,3,15,16,4,2,1,0,7,6,0,3,1,24,24,1,3,10,2,4,8,7,8,0,4,7,3,52,8,82,59,7,74,0,2,1,0,15,28,0,17,32,287,76,13,0.06815890251795227,0.161514308115109,0.06651325681763065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650259067731801,0.0705920673591116,0.07521504380703922,0.0545066497184732,0.05671366699077581,0.0,0.0,0.13905117294169764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056088969257405634,0.0,0.06371937307876997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464710304064802,0.0752761528580715,0.05799820590239864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883867504041984,0.0,0.0,0.1318705604362796,0.07026883564864247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073711399365347,0.0,0.0,0.27010987374712897,0.06165362949829933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03446318905895284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229600209877665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683064023201527,0.0653842300017122,0.07747255004695437,0.05716845365483152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244972612261112,0.0,0.0,0.04568547562978033,0.07201362269363866,0.13673787312545846,0.0,0.0671227894148061,0.07864622231629273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06058276427035579,0.0,0.0,0.14983340125829336,0.0,0.0,0.2165113091937078,0.0,0.0,0.14442794563994762,0.033298996931122135,0.0,0.060185559652333125,0.0,0.057236311856830674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909931933865701,0.06910242919043512,0.13694955751689072,0.0,0.0,0.06866292360661172,0.06868814259313538,0.0,0.06882106162412621,0.0,0.05440378571596895,0.14488425345258135,0.0,0.050538962578743726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678125296233584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461862363124262,0.15551375016803906,0.0,0.0,0.3027295807355688,0.07380944939037955,0.0,0.04725280099977065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443219378370438,0.07683892152570207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635356971774163,0.07249538267298776,0.0,0.0,0.04366433826144578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796089635661124,0.0,0.062049304982991785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255269939900574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049441062020272,0.0,0.0,0.09648644402830522,0.0,0.054431787595280334,0.0,0.2342273776482628,0.07125448379609495,0.0,0.14910955343422352,0.07734591485783457,0.06423895899569176,0.0,0.0512470122134213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794564513653368,0.07913773917029521,0.09056349244915753,0.043673472597643814,0.0,0.0,0.1192320125327776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741373136179717,0.06658134388415064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750674017063079,0.0,0.0,0.16230409284894154,0.05467296031827923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783793741512351,0.06570274977119761,0.07391542231659624,0.1984819712067214,0.0,0.06945974464374102,0.048418128774304736,0.0,0.0,0.1316762956324875 bpd,apertxre11,2018/02/07,What does black and white thinking mean? I’m kind of interested in examples. just in case my therapist asks when i go to get testing. i know it’s common in bpd which is why i chose this forum. ,-0.31641666666666524,1.957541525,2.055000000000004,92.20333333333336,96.25,5.666666666666668,19.166666666666668,7.1686216300943375,0.6144166666666662,151,5,33,3,6,51,35,40,0.0,0.934,0.066,0.3415,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,5,8,0,6,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,17,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121792031987797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205727820642942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922241409808989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744644918985541,0.0,0.18977995054610688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34773640819898644,0.18351903650854307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637473508405076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38771813286039497,0.0,0.2139686757369988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30131962532352197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,orangebottles,2018/02/07,"diagnosed w/ BPD (kind of) but missing key symptoms hey y'all, i've been diagnosed w/ BPD twice (most recently in november when hospitalized) but my psychiatrist believes the diagnosis is wrong and that i have rapid cycling bipolar. while i am 100% convinced i have bipolar as well, i have a lot of the symptoms of BPD. however, i lack a few key symptoms. i have no history of/current chaotic interpersonal relationships. minus a few mania related mistakes, i actually have alarmingly normal interpersonal relationships and (when not manic) i'm supposedly excellent at conflict resolution when i do have issues. i've never even raised my voice in an argument. i've never had a favorite person or anything close and i have no real issues with abandonment. i also don't really have any issues with a chronic sense of emptiness, although i have felt it in the aftermath of a manic episode. i have other symptoms (emotional instability, self-harm, identity issues, substance abuse, etc) but my psychiatrist says that since i'm missing such key parts of the criteria he's hesitant to diagnose me with BPD and believes they're more related to a mixed episode since, although they're always present, they tend to escalate and recede episodically without any prompting aside from lack of sleep, stress, time of year, etc. and get better with medication. is it possible to have BPD and not have any of those symptoms at all? i'm not asking for a diagnosis (since i already have one), but just curious as to whether or not anyone else has any experience in this area. ",9.065551558753,9.104390615107917,9.465338129496406,60.210717026378916,60.115107913669064,12.880959232613911,42.99376498800961,12.221763196225846,5.771075491606712,1253,68,193,38,15,420,152,278,0.21,0.73,0.06,-0.993,2,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,0,1,1,2,8,12,0,2,13,0,21,13,1,0,3,38,30,23,0,4,13,0,1,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,7,12,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,7,1,2,3,3,19,5,29,27,11,19,0,3,0,0,9,8,0,4,11,135,26,1,0.0,0.09512365694435,0.0783458047476833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859561865015671,0.0642032512105455,0.06680289153134167,0.0,0.0,0.21838405487789214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613658412898348,0.08226065746450924,0.06606706157823726,0.0,0.07505489583169582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18090561702345034,0.0,0.07100485673028305,0.0,0.0,0.5055757402164691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444603399446501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706715297717934,0.09030892674530107,0.0,0.0,0.17907622561456935,0.053026961444786136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853335962891941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708542881907232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04194518446969662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351834138305869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360364696569578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825476167185413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087789207252842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238402593712342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866147676001271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440265633188104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869399723776551,0.0,0.0,0.07010107271354908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050838029749722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913810038428587,0.05143211870150445,0.0,0.07927096870362314,0.17239038525840214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384522365772481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375393707748356,0.0,0.0,0.19923577661656588,0.0,0.08034218714213923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196528769248526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172301559447767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046814366641619726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721851437020811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739111045297194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777817696247023,0.0,0.05170039698906336 bpd,DoomSlain,2018/02/07,"I'd like to suggest a fantastic book, though it may be triggering so use caution. The Buddha & The Borderline ""In this memoir, Van Gelder documents her diagnosis, treatment and recovery from BPD. She begins the book when she’s 30 years old, when she’s already attempted several times to take her own life, gone through a handful of hospitalizations, been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder and recovered from alcohol and drug addiction."" It is a very in depth account of someones personal journey with BPD. It may be a tough read for many of you, but I think it can be worth it to see how someone can go through the hell of BPD and come out the other side. Love you all. <3",7.215438931297707,7.931539351145041,7.280219465648855,72.03269561068704,63.88549618320611,12.046183206106873,38.512404580152676,11.698219412168324,4.8967167938931295,569,29,100,18,8,183,93,131,0.108,0.804,0.08800000000000001,-0.2263,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,1,5,6,1,1,9,0,9,7,1,3,1,17,18,11,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,7,9,1,0,1,3,2,4,0,4,0,0,2,2,8,2,17,11,2,15,1,1,1,1,10,5,1,2,7,63,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689021016795018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557847705054105,0.0,0.0,0.170974708628719,0.0,0.0,0.16787208968082165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852490875763458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5854059118742223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346284873978054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344535358522278,0.15725584037572954,0.0,0.0,0.1775690195824322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796754990643678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805317394339017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943522587043726,0.07569345186493655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983495479772945,0.0,0.0,0.1570798486361529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257829895662604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528333188899172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483849744136509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497700323129104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346319574090801,0.0,0.0,0.1750325349114556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625519735441931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774776056282008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649189494272555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927614043997496,0.15222292512812172,0.0,0.09034388853691692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338141598515278,0.0,0.12783766348331074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977310894006128 bpd,TrembleLeaf,2018/02/08,"There has to be more to these intense emotions When I'm having an episode of intense negative emotions that I know is BPD acting up, I need to distract myself or try to promote a different headspace usually, but do you ever feel that it is devaluing those emotions? I believe that if I feel *this* strongly about something it has to be real and true, I mean... why else would I feel this deeply? While I know it is the disorder, it doesn't feel like it since this is **my** 'normal' and always has been. I wonder all the time what the difference is between having BPD and not. I only know my reactions are often different compared to others, but I find myself wanting to know how different I actually am, and when I see the confused look on people's faces when I try to express myself, it appears to be quite a lot... or is it? It is hard to say when I feel so much I want to rip my chest open is *just* an illness, like I'm going through hell just because I'm dysfunctional. Sometimes it just happens so suddenly I don't even know what triggered me and I get lost in my own chaos trying to figure out what is resonating with me so deeply and *why*. Why do I feel like I'm burning alive? What is my brain trying to tell me? Why does it hurt this badly? Although digging often makes it worse, so it is that or trying to redirect when seems... invalidity. Even with some DBT skills, in the end, it is dampening a firestorm into a flame of a lit candle, but it is to act like that firestorm never existed even though when it happens, it feels so critical, at times life or death, until the storm passes. Honestly, the same goes for positive emotions. When we are so completely happy, totally elated, we aren't being told to get rid of those. How are those accepted and welcome, but we are to dismiss the opposite? We can feel things others cannot in a way... and I'm aware it is a curse but can be a (at times, lonely) gift in some ways. I want to believe that when I feel **so** profoundly, it is ME and it is true... not this horrible illness. That all this intensity is for something more than some 'malfunction' in my personality. That I'm not going through these surreal highs and lows for nothing. There is something that speaks to my humanity within all the turmoil. I know I'm only supposed to feel a little bit of this intensity to be considered healthy, but that *doesn't even sound right at this point*. I don't want to go through the pain, but it makes me think if I was cured, I fear I'd feel soulless without such depths. ",2.6712781117791167,4.696910360721443,4.034466265865067,85.88799421064353,76.65531062124248,7.080846136717881,26.72015141393899,8.021203637495839,1.710725548875529,1966,78,393,33,45,647,219,499,0.157,0.736,0.107,-0.9841,3,2,3,0,0,0,79.0,4,1,0,5,32,22,1,4,21,0,47,7,3,5,8,93,94,44,1,9,20,0,12,4,0,1,4,3,0,2,50,19,0,0,24,0,0,7,12,11,0,0,4,18,44,11,52,83,14,47,1,4,3,0,13,20,1,16,22,288,94,1,0.0,0.0,0.06893778025033799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878097839834845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058984298733003565,0.0430635686247122,0.0,0.0,0.1591818695663242,0.0,0.0,0.07712431006178253,0.0,0.1779458103273898,0.0788614116265775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406827405051837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952293218788466,0.08096347108318487,0.0,0.06182052641262225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059013506451898526,0.3178573232688905,0.06256909547652931,0.0,0.0,0.18663723103983604,0.06390101109682693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949347919838297,0.39291375201257706,0.1009353361350452,0.0,0.0,0.06456679929138134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381653475497271,0.0,0.1204448380541766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493947289483028,0.07520122630800223,0.06328262189780351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463864399087564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562523425641764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329426324385079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0498975314842564,0.1380512122140376,0.07080325810276739,0.0,0.0,0.059322674575154936,0.0,0.07711562983920388,0.06005850314930373,0.0,0.0,0.09431005291410012,0.0,0.0,0.07695138613351876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051931036586828176,0.05238119531398402,0.054484554815498604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692155453187706,0.06778425964079947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745499717332027,0.075169571723711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897524745280064,0.061683103027702475,0.0,0.0,0.06678085886377491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513796495603055,0.0,0.08040766933548622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032908836042693,0.0,0.0561784771083108,0.0,0.0,0.05629365359854447,0.06431110963836978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058436960901021275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631542510035189,0.06986814139613122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061745456335670135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046932344316571416,0.04526544632990318,0.06940679419073519,0.0,0.12357822593662868,0.0,0.0,0.0675028080840154,0.0,0.23981119995662226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780373853865433,0.0,0.16666926020657147,0.11214690546306202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549787679200922,0.0,0.0,0.0680977288180115,0.0766097675046001,0.0,0.0,0.07199167266194596,0.05018305344342765,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,X_lost_soul_X,2018/02/08,"Shall I tell my cpn/clinician that I think i have bpd (not asking for diagnosis spec) I am in inpatient psych atm, my current diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia, however I do not think this is accurate. I am pretty sure I have some form of personality disorder with bpd being my first guess. I am serious about getting the best help possible this time round so I want to be honest with my thoughts. But I don't know if the professionals take self evaluations seriously at all or whether they might just think I'm being a hypochondriac. What should I do",5.1780769230769215,7.025692192307695,6.272307692307695,73.24769230769233,69.38461538461539,10.584615384615383,32.230769230769226,10.686352973137794,3.850811538461538,444,20,81,14,8,148,75,104,0.07400000000000001,0.759,0.16699999999999998,0.8943,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,16,0,0,0,2,21,27,5,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,16,3,8,20,4,5,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,5,3,60,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18657017977682933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943547050347214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502700620380617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22872349209460704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975338463235673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426662405650493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219847876378658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376696897035145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967796471716802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117112900808395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425605077173714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498418785737134,0.0,0.20303353319329664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20819410811792075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880915261624846,0.0,0.1500511354665065,0.0,0.17443220016542316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836274859742291,0.0,0.15843558276261516,0.11637035404127412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177110328561156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,runoutofwit,2018/02/08,"Your diagnosis is just a name for something you already knew you had. This comforts me a lot when I start to get worked up, and I thought the rest of you might find some comfort in it, too. When you get a diagnosis, the doctor is just telling you something that you already knew, a name for the symptoms you've described to them. It doesn't change who you are. It just makes it easier to write on a piece of paper. And hopefully, the name makes it easier to find your path to acceptance and recovery.",5.517272727272727,5.747254212121213,5.7439898989898985,83.26931818181819,67.48484848484848,9.42828282828283,31.65151515151515,9.2995712137729,2.5086484848484845,393,15,82,7,6,125,57,99,0.0,0.833,0.16699999999999998,0.9423,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,9,1,1,6,4,0,0,9,0,6,2,0,2,0,22,15,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,13,4,12,10,4,6,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,4,3,61,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709277914539069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257217647063724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21839768367346046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900405716713716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229585772456932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119288697193663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814032378805573,0.0,0.0,0.2848580644904533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635646090207015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285319907983601,0.0,0.0,0.15102745970626666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177764415520035,0.0,0.0,0.186498582488115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693953958780789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553390645221088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prettyrecklessx,2018/02/08,"Two weeks going on three. I’m tired of hearing “things will get better” I’ve had a falling out with life. There’s no surprise there. These past two weeks have been hell. I can’t seem to get myself out of it. I haven’t felt this way since last year(before I went on meds) and it won’t stop. I wake up every day and life just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. Everything I’ve been through has become pointless. Everything I do has become pointless. I feel like I try so hard just for my life to be shit. I don’t think I remember a time that I was actually happy. I grew up being abused or watching people get abused. I’ve been sexually assaulted and have no one believe me(my ex boyfriend told me it was my fault because I was a whore). All of the shit that happens in our lives is supposed to make us stronger. Who the fuck came up with that? Does anyone ever get over being abused? Personally, I’ve just shoved it away and forgot about it. I’m past it but I have never gotten over it. I’ve tried to forgive the people who hurt me but I feel deep down that I still fucking hate them for what they’ve done. Also, while it’s still on my mind, I can’t remember fucking shit from my childhood. I can only remember the bad shit(being abused or watching the abuse) and I can’t seem to figure out why. The memories that I have of my childhood felt like dreams. Like it never really happened. The last bits of my memories stopped when I’ve waken up from sleep.(sorry, it’s hard to explain)Has anyone else ever experienced that? This little rant what all over the place and I apologize. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤",1.282501725327812,3.662028661490688,2.6300103519668774,92.13775534851624,83.8136645962733,5.441131815044859,21.05624568668047,6.816661863887847,0.4321260179434092,1247,39,262,15,36,402,161,322,0.187,0.737,0.077,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,5,0,38.0,2,0,1,1,13,20,9,0,11,0,28,12,4,1,6,43,56,14,0,0,7,1,6,3,0,2,4,1,0,1,25,12,0,3,13,1,1,5,11,13,0,4,15,10,32,7,35,36,3,45,1,1,2,4,11,19,7,5,23,164,57,0,0.0,0.44605175732230334,0.07347548445699212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021209433742258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467080791315384,0.10529377362122824,0.07714697268629726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707406155418658,0.0,0.06286683309247014,0.04589814983391696,0.1663112607602552,0.06406912667048263,0.08482986354277093,0.0,0.06659088210094792,0.08220087772804317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611557627829723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485580057132429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588975030903213,0.07705127615065603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289796335642553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362143582395944,0.06343792587858481,0.0,0.13533768248167766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614119750540499,0.05378961067806813,0.14458691809464894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882256890843026,0.15735074823594788,0.0,0.042790966937809566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316338683103862,0.08015121047813653,0.13489617114925814,0.07433663157045924,0.0,0.0,0.08486111924406074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060312797983597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274831926985165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954583766841468,0.11035363693682003,0.07546375400169314,0.06648544011151464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025892044873388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363397921719208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602485708287877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614180340460485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051020747602320206,0.05726401362187548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375211492725193,0.10439790837268666,0.0657432812793356,0.07866556397734885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823487167453353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558781895213759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563281495952085,0.0,0.0,0.3091503188173163,0.062283467741562425,0.0,0.0753477629289086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428478232490606,0.0,0.0,0.12025879214993415,0.12589728580196055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002158066070802,0.048244962140847385,0.0,0.0,0.04390417942119579,0.08653867218898356,0.0,0.07194605785346676,0.0,0.10223853469630123,0.0,0.14710139697711547,0.0,0.09056867386500586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976438593851141,0.12079162676089725,0.0,0.0,0.0697977240304782,0.06794057058097648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048486472602128405 bpd,Suihime,2018/02/08,"How does your diagnosis help you? My whole life has been an emotional rollercoaster. Going up, and down, up and down. I've always known something was off. As a child, I had severe anger issues. And I reacted overjoyed or extremely sad/angry. For the first time in my life I've actually set through with getting help. The psychologist I saw a few months back thought I showed some heavy signs towards BPD (extreme fear of abandonment, suicidal thoughts and self harm, just to name a few). Next Monday I will finally see a specialist in personality disorders. Who is going to help me figure out what is going on inside that wonderful brain of mine? And what we can do about it. With hesitation, I told my mother. I knew how she was going to react. She told me there is nothing wrong with me. That I should just learn how to behave and that these tests are just to get money out of me. She doesn't know everything. She doesn't know I self-harm and have suicidal thoughts because the one time I told her she told me I should stop trying to get attention. Now I am in doubt, I don't want to lie and hurt my mother's feelings by getting tested. But I also want to know what's going on with me. I am very well aware that I show some clear signs, and that a diagnosis can help me get back on track. Can you guys perhaps advise me on this? How did your diagnosis help you out?",3.1574541062801957,5.045761492592593,4.2408534621578085,85.56644927536234,74.81481481481481,7.658615136876008,24.331723027375197,8.456263369488248,1.5020418679549112,1073,34,219,20,23,349,146,270,0.13699999999999998,0.758,0.105,-0.8737,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,5,0,1,14,8,1,2,9,0,23,3,1,6,1,54,50,17,2,4,5,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,12,17,0,2,13,2,1,5,3,7,1,2,14,3,41,1,36,33,5,33,0,2,2,0,30,16,0,5,11,152,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.10045695702812256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232301995869465,0.0856563440190684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583127409025472,0.0,0.06275274671016272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965238042535754,0.11491779123406486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798093738899094,0.0,0.0900856097010501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157963722821654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251801368731084,0.0,0.0,0.11583884765144813,0.05205078307681965,0.0,0.0,0.11276839463476702,0.0,0.08756277398735816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689158409553248,0.0,0.29252276175052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192918518427978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34500068721140004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020199490541907,0.0,0.0,0.10744514625945673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697233935580498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454225580783408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216766138547603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948043668195973,0.0,0.0,0.09877603301399468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975645124774978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988535470265277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820317846030047,0.0,0.2147828000497408,0.11629563868171447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925010795966103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606447662939681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520460910363715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24517435964609166,0.12005311153958195,0.0,0.0,0.3934635937710101,0.0,0.06989114915340428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493828150229626,0.12143621864295838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925576028263752,0.0,0.0,0.1149315410566139,0.0,0.0,0.11163666851757006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255138139846034,0.0,0.0 bpd,noluckycharms9,2018/02/08,"New psychiatrist thinks I might have autism (maybe instead of bpd). Freaking out My current, and amazing, therapist referred me to a new and more intensive program, especially for borderline. The psychiatrist who leads the program has years of experience working with kids with autism and she now questions if I actually have autism and that, to cope with it all, I behave in a bpd like way. I'm so confused and it's really messing with me. I have had my bpd diagnosis for a couple of years now, my childhood was a perfect environment to develop such a disorder so it makes sense, I tick every box of the DSM, my current therapist sees me as almost textbook bpd and I feel so at home and understood in a community like this. I relate so much to you all. But therapy (10+ years and different kinds of it) doesn't seem to really work. My therapist understands me, validates me, helps me. She really is great, I thought I understood things better but life is still the same and messed up. I can't seem to apply anything? I'm not able to process anything that happened in the past and stuff that keeps happening, it just keeps piling up. I'm not able to give anyone or myself a clean slate. This causes severe emotional pain and I've felt burned out for the longest, but it also makes relationships or human interaction very difficult. The new shrink says this is very typical for (women with) autism. So I relate to this and also other things that are, apparently, autistic and that other bpds didn't seem to have trouble with and have caused therapy to not be so fruitful. But troubles like not understanding emotions or other people, low empathy, etc are not me at all. It may be a case of having bpd comorbid with autism but, as I said, the shrink thinks it's probably that I've developed bpd as a coping method. I don't want to lose my bpd and I don't understand myself at all now so I'm really spiraling. I know how bpd is heavily stigmatized but I have kind of a personal stigma towards autism. Those who have this diagnosis are the people that have always triggered me the most, being the case that they are typically not very caring, empathetic or understanding. I don't feel like I belong in this group but moreover, I don't want to. My loved ones don't understand why this situation is causing me such panic and pain. I feel alone and feel like behaving impulsively and destructively to sooth myself. Instead I'm trying to write this post. Sorry it's kind of lengthy.",5.4801544226917365,6.840317390191897,6.43247140918783,74.25831104219166,68.06183368869935,10.119816501906056,31.26969050849648,10.300263719432786,3.3908615493958782,1972,80,354,52,33,655,212,469,0.12,0.7979999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9649,4,1,1,0,0,0,54.0,0,1,1,6,19,27,1,2,21,0,34,5,0,8,5,91,71,43,0,3,19,0,5,5,0,2,3,2,2,4,34,27,1,2,21,0,0,1,14,13,0,1,8,9,43,14,49,58,9,30,0,2,1,1,20,13,0,14,19,246,77,6,0.11816854454215425,0.0,0.057657726727831024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916436397403685,0.0611934871886384,0.0,0.0944993423772415,0.049162847671903334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041313096949693866,0.0,0.09724264354566936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225523739131052,0.0,0.0,0.5953165806593425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024035334068944,0.18208746940272846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537562346712758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061730489076959875,0.06771569484394639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292370755865526,0.0,0.0,0.06589458180427694,0.0,0.0,0.04978104767215002,0.0,0.0,0.05779575566407859,0.0,0.0,0.11949913337600793,0.08441963183210661,0.0567301670314283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667901777964186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514061876466712,0.0,0.0,0.1044960536810156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039602942260295884,0.0,0.059266342524988976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050336319057188,0.0,0.1845815323126419,0.032471170852974164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173296883458174,0.14432795484889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610018749979847,0.0,0.0,0.05332586252865081,0.0,0.07887842107567437,0.0,0.05935809296225305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267907586948901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343373844274095,0.0,0.0,0.17119187501043187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040037032003866886,0.0,0.12573966289471794,0.06932266309248097,0.0,0.0,0.05640262340750379,0.08192318997818722,0.05159010756048354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658640043432257,0.0,0.06370283868976352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618790701454577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514035910244396,0.0,0.0,0.06343439674750663,0.0,0.0,0.05620267309200263,0.04698618477900314,0.0,0.0,0.047082515333529966,0.16136430727653972,0.0,0.06674840999684803,0.0,0.0,0.06641319756665641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614000550685306,0.0,0.0,0.04718477615794808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763735596209168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351360291747278,0.20580418207982396,0.0785059302308499,0.07571763190591166,0.0,0.046906312405978805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011434247856965,0.0,0.0,0.30754405576483856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625213728761427,0.06969886921238043,0.04689834518228071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331436575397873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602810780726125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414500256584345 bpd,natthabat,2018/02/08,discomfort and boredom I’m having a hard time coping w boredom and just this massive discomfort I’ve been feeling lately due to lack of sense of who I am. Any advice & tips for what to do,3.4269230769230745,4.839593743589745,4.910769230769233,83.0092307692308,73.1025641025641,7.2512820512820495,28.384615384615394,7.793537801064563,1.8547538461538453,152,6,29,2,3,51,32,39,0.328,0.637,0.035,-0.8859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,5,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425995921143033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723412497456511,0.0,0.2964544263553423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042456874055985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905169779897044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917597682555127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25420035754331993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prettymuchtits,2018/02/08,"My friends are a-holes. In my friendships I've always been loyal, understanding, giving. I can keep a secret to the grave. But I've never had a friend like this? I'm 24, I see people's posts on social media, they're drinking and chatting with old friends. I know I'll never have that. My oldest best friend cut me off cause her boyfriend told her to. The next one tried to copy my identity and disrespected me so many times. The next one tried to steal money from me ( it was also a business partnership), the next one went behind my back with my ex. So now I'm sitting here unable to make friends with actually nice people because I'm afraid of being hurt and I can't trust anyone, and can't reconnect with my old friends because I don't want toxic people in my life. And right now I have like 3 friends. And all of them are still in my life because we have a 10 year history. Thats all. I feel like I'm changing and adapting and they can't. They're still students, I'm working. They don't respect me, they don't take me seriously when I say "" hey guys, let me know when you have a plan so I can arrange myself."" They have this free life style, their parents send them money so they can sit home and play video games, while I have to work my ass off to get by. They don't really get that. Yesterday we were supposed to hang out. We planned it after I told him we weren't spending enough time together. I shifted all my appointments (I'm a tattoo artist) to today even though it would be bad for my back. Cleared the whole day and just sat and waited. Then I got a text at 4 pm. "" i got something to do lets do it tomorrow."" I told him I shifted my appointments for him, all I got was "" :( "" . And this happens EVERY time we hang out. They change the plans at the last minute or just show up at my doorstep. I've been putting up with them, they're taking my energy, they're so childish. I don't know what to do. Just wanted to vent",2.316056799147251,3.8619012939698494,3.4040886249428968,92.13820846657528,76.26130653266331,6.331780112684637,23.367138723922643,6.980632752743323,0.6013072026800668,1497,45,333,15,33,482,195,398,0.112,0.784,0.105,-0.2177,1,0,2,0,0,0,56.0,5,1,11,6,20,24,1,1,14,0,34,5,1,2,7,49,65,25,1,3,5,2,1,3,7,1,3,1,1,1,11,24,1,2,6,7,4,5,11,7,0,3,15,3,62,18,38,45,7,50,0,2,1,1,43,14,1,1,31,207,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.08318905587908076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817222530004917,0.07093257251466657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960688576761114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109980472159408,0.0711779245787968,0.15589786632227315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946176926595284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757244707506133,0.18036065433091186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497744833543968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350988811817991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808323639247062,0.0,0.05630502964306607,0.0,0.0718245167046921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04310359013478059,0.0609006794780784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610329019316114,0.0,0.08907637890620107,0.08177696632923445,0.0,0.0,0.20454013076098773,0.0,0.0,0.08440821753769076,0.0753838951182358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550998035932307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125898477699902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577170632336111,0.0,0.0,0.140549039990682,0.0694879174071999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743422550279788,0.18063804142511444,0.1249425565199291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05690322660042186,0.08642736979584434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149592744745012,0.0,0.27198437323515817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789053769366783,0.0,0.17329730540666013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465702482856944,0.0,0.0,0.17729920729596738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164333723991035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569706975493477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05461159548259649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280071804640026,0.0,0.06779206487928675,0.0,0.0,0.06793105141826743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689887452585893,0.0,0.06562752699779477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615718840162885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819070262480958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375502749513926,0.0,0.14912513726940704,0.0,0.08080446118446395,0.2443723102181763,0.0,0.11575462535159332,0.0,0.0,0.08874543306595857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005621181179644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902508989924129,0.0,0.09517555253590787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241220817000299,0.0,0.0,0.06055722742926192,0.0,0.0,0.05489645843762974 bpd,queenprotea,2018/02/08,"Does anyone have experience with the crisis text line? Everything is bad right now. Everyone I feel comfortable talking to is asleep and honestly, that’s probably a good thing because I’d just regret showing them this side of me anyway. My issue is that I’m not on the verge of suicide, more like on the verge of getting really drunk alone/ self harm/ driving off to the middle of nowhere and trying to find drugs/ more self harm. Is that legitimate enough to need to text a crisis center? Or does it have to be about suicide? Also, is it even worth it? Are they actually helpful?",5.269818181818182,6.796221209090916,5.863409090909091,77.51511363636364,68.72727272727272,8.772727272727273,29.20454545454545,9.188382445141503,2.5740000000000003,463,17,82,9,8,150,78,110,0.225,0.654,0.121,-0.9534,0,1,1,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,2,0,6,8,0,0,6,0,9,3,1,0,0,10,13,4,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,3,1,0,2,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,4,15,12,3,11,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,1,2,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.17758661301638848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188476805195418,0.0,0.14552965489142247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272449223526613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194602720167508,0.11093355876401254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185045372984415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110394814467416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18803439285568674,0.0,0.12019633357341508,0.0,0.0,0.17389006453651815,0.16355224346616326,0.17801174409035828,0.0,0.0,0.09201475482554644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632678275725515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507724461201997,0.0,0.0,0.15263652002159706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197762174509698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994025076755808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890642805320605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493615587535154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196205643275628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658129991608912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541026167929328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37969047762746577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981140276347278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462689469574708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089968719377216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355274164338538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RoachRage,2018/02/08,"I just found out my FWB has BPD and she startet to love me. Now I'm living with my ex and she and I want to get back together again. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with that? I'm scared. I realy like my FWB, I dont know her for too long but she told me a few days ago that she has BPD and is going to therapy, taking medication etc. Now the situation is that my ex and I are still living together. And we somehow managed to rekindle our relationship. I don't want to hurt my FWB, but I have to break up the ""friends with benefits"" thing. But I think, that she thought we could get together and I think she loves me. Now how do I deal with that. I'm meeting her today, I definitely want to do that in person (or is that not a good idea?) The problem is she just had an episode of extreme self worthlessness? I have no idea how to call it. And she is still a bit in that episode. I guess my question is. Is it better for her to break up with her while she still has an episode anyway? Or should I wait a few days? ",0.5479532546963739,2.3061287844036755,2.477837483617304,95.78732415902141,82.25688073394495,5.987243337702054,21.390126692878987,7.07126945348624,0.3111998252512014,777,24,191,10,21,259,102,218,0.059,0.752,0.189,0.9841,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,0,1,16,12,1,1,10,0,21,4,0,3,0,44,42,17,0,6,8,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,11,16,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,40,7,23,36,4,22,0,2,0,3,30,5,1,5,15,140,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111851088878051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644704452250934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093162626119846,0.13693582002182178,0.0,0.3159464951726467,0.0,0.12807688114119492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014473166340444,0.0,0.0,0.1617824654614065,0.2586232766144862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470016797821129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398863250129557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752626159422227,0.09690601950904514,0.11595695205406903,0.1310627960204001,0.0,0.07128410680165505,0.1052037696847874,0.0,0.0,0.13817402087229358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427417968405966,0.28318781212360233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893241652222667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127820117415665,0.0,0.22151194762914386,0.11100058653866099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264088710490875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263563720755571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951963509070688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001847132415748,0.0,0.0,0.1405090193919873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346636460457291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557616156546586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084964710337646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098728431957275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005029284304166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430688649523436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343882289324492,0.0,0.0833293555480483,0.16073948685890635,0.0,0.09957649753163933,0.0,0.0,0.11889188518664046,0.11985264271869026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194355904643687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,donnylumpkins,2018/02/08,"The worst thing about BPD Sorry for the terrible formatting, posting from mobile Anyway, I personally believe the worst thing about my BPD has to be forgetting emotions as soon as I’m done with them. I’ve had pretty bad anxious spells the past few weeks and as soon as my anxiety goes away it’s like it never happened. I actually got a call from my therapist the other day making sure I was doing good (we had to extend time between my sessions to make space for another client, it’s only temporary) and I completely forgot about all my anxiety and “All’s good! doing great!” When really....it’s been a bad time. It even happens at night when I’m doing my bullet journal, it looks like i’ve only had good days, but i can’t remember the other emotions i’ve had that day :’)",3.318127530364372,5.265475407894741,4.962105263157898,80.31204453441299,74.52631578947368,8.097975708502025,26.16599190283401,8.841846274778883,2.1811380566801613,610,22,113,13,13,206,89,152,0.113,0.775,0.113,0.1491,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,0,9,12,0,0,8,0,13,0,0,2,4,15,22,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,9,1,13,7,18,12,5,17,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,15,78,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.12587927975218516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352611804268508,0.1973597114836166,0.1457262062146317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211938621357249,0.0,0.215408764663896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453317688635393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249261922503076,0.0,0.13171702785233674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524747904718046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495708669588975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200537863086256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902011841094148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519914672666569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32458147961455,0.10316807528959868,0.14221605044220306,0.0,0.0,0.22813747126042386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603964835619955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083222511861652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220864221486434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948792219430057,0.0,0.0,0.12105188390916108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962110993541068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231391179223032,0.0,0.11263235563737127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235403428939388,0.13123300462544646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612475820692492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439792771069282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121575070554422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497716708608453,0.17139541418938006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043457078219802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347099504772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sexycaitiechat,2018/02/08,I think I made it up There are times (usually when I’m in mania) that I think my DBT is a scam and there’s nothing wrong with me. I also convince myself that BPD isn’t real and it’s just the governments way of dealing with rebellious people. Does anyone share anything similar? ,1.157678571428573,3.7051979821428596,3.1228571428571428,86.92214285714287,87.03571428571428,6.057142857142857,22.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,1.2451000000000003,221,8,42,4,7,74,44,56,0.108,0.768,0.124,-0.0377,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,5,6,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501108819192516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879965237487502,0.0,0.22125282654294146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33862581105402395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771878091357652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352854035478093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544063802829992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579830326472061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863970032198443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060270111850089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445554227544863,0.0,0.0,0.15677723051160875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29611659883662633,0.0,0.0,0.21341236834831512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939614582182425,0.0,0.0 bpd,gayperson3475,2018/02/08,"Best Resource for Finding Treatment/Psychologists? Ever since I’ve been diagnosed I’ve had a turbulent consistency of clinical help. Haven’t ever been with a therapist that I felt connected to or truly trusted to help me. I had no problem getting along with them or asking advice but I feel they never knew the depth of me to be able to call me out or get intimate about things I might be avoiding. None of them were specialized in personality disorders/trained for DBT and had been assigned to me post discharge. I’m tired of settling for care and would like to find someone who would do a really great job with a Borderline patient but I’m having difficulty finding resources to search for that. I live in New York City so I really didn’t think that it would be too hard here but hardly any clinicians that specialize in working with patients with Borderline and DBT treatment accept insurance let alone mine (I have United). Any resources or advice someone can offer me for finding a care that I’ll be able to stick with for more than a few months at a time? EDIT: I’ve already scoured PsychologyToday without much luck.",6.48,7.706064999999999,6.723809523809526,73.57285714285716,65.66666666666666,9.80952380952381,35.0,9.957137785484203,3.6562857142857137,910,42,155,20,14,293,126,210,0.094,0.762,0.14400000000000002,0.9214,1,2,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,2,6,12,0,1,8,0,22,3,0,0,3,38,33,11,0,4,8,0,4,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,9,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,10,4,16,10,33,14,5,13,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,6,7,109,24,4,0.23933545139117046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23387583313503116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393967392285173,0.13205631103158513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627563141083313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187316956983756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558389520554838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219412758902047,0.0,0.244018443564976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146022259518227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216492617996496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060507597724532215,0.0,0.11489978307315002,0.0,0.4374965332884867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250428951454175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319340900435663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21439755417294434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16042150809270825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875175271987765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236835726020714,0.0,0.05846360612455731,0.0,0.10566879420356992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269485460291351,0.0,0.0,0.09551763695351773,0.0,0.08796954753124804,0.0,0.09229512733771597,0.11557583517359395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448924227803023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146086020016848,0.0,0.0,0.114505852011306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332441869567018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899037930754416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20278815129084302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894345292172666,0.07950191957378941,0.07667824665474841,0.0,0.0,0.06977921319545369,0.13754044685347844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535541721779426,0.0,0.08711952954212036,0.0,0.0,0.2550255566980817,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Username_The_Remix,2018/02/08,"Anyone have success stories of almost ruining a relationship because of BPD behaviors and actually successfully changing and fixing things? The title pretty much says it all. I've done some unhealthy things that almost drove my loved ones away. I feel like I'm kind of in ""emergency, last chance"" mode. But I also feel motivated to change and I believe I can do it. It would really help if I heard some success stories that resemble what I am hoping to do.",4.342142857142857,7.000710595238098,5.643095238095237,73.30607142857146,74.0,8.485714285714286,29.54761904761905,9.188382445141503,3.1275047619047616,366,16,59,9,8,122,62,84,0.052000000000000005,0.637,0.311,0.9767,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,4,1,8,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,15,14,6,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,4,7,7,7,10,4,4,0,1,0,1,5,2,0,6,2,42,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.1844321017936584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785028865437235,0.0,0.0,0.15113943370525265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321498736501408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756725937887805,0.0,0.0,0.11520975063818033,0.0,0.0,0.2129329278151309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380329021682945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998638307361103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934077592188879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112335485487966,0.135018244865409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667953269745624,0.0,0.0,0.1877149281545721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968094702346424,0.0,0.154056354183204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923335329747308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057559262688496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389332553391162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128068073112027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227611498426786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107519710045335,0.0,0.0,0.2029101697571482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029660907310524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25112009330664475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425680356091052,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sunmusings,2018/02/08,"BPD ""relapses"" Sometimes I see people on here talking about how they thought they were in ""remission"" and then they ""relapsed."" They speak of how they thought they were recovering because the duration between ""relapses"" was longer than before. But the length of time between BPD ""relapses"" is not an automatic sign of recovery. That's because the duration of time between episodes could be attributable to trigger avoidance. Like, if a person goes for a year without an episode, but for that year she was single when normally she's in a relationship. Or if a person goes for six months without an episode, but during that time he was away from his family. These are cases of trigger avoidance - whether deliberately or by chance. It is to be expected that episodes will occur less frequently or not at all when the triggering stimuli is not present. Duration of time between relapses is not the primary indication of recovery; severity of episodes is a better measure. Ideally over time, episodes should be less emotionally charged, less intensely negative, and less resultant in harmful behavior. That is a better measure of recovery than time duration between episodes. ",9.419805414551613,10.661995680203047,8.602347715736041,62.62792089678514,59.203045685279186,12.861082910321489,47.88874788494078,12.311054993355176,6.73925752961083,947,62,136,31,12,297,104,197,0.059,0.865,0.076,0.526,0,2,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,6,3,6,7,0,2,14,0,18,0,0,7,1,35,21,16,0,7,15,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,2,10,4,33,8,6,21,0,0,1,0,15,7,0,5,15,111,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920926037983594,0.0,0.0,0.1806443849050496,0.0,0.12608055031273294,0.0,0.0,0.2620861403115045,0.0,0.0,0.37322628476469866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830055629218457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666971201883873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968015262347674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238768497430803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826674869406065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517375137834926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272143872682704,0.2587501816809448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907760672911295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807117655515667,0.0,0.0,0.16738832336558074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465425164476544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909229383891945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23525860733670495,0.5183897508941929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856584516477185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083141806632486 bpd,seisportres,2018/02/08,"not getting enough attention from your FP how do you guys deal with it? i feel like i’m losing my mind, any advice would be a godsend right now",3.811,4.374149433333333,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,71.33333333333334,7.333333333333332,25.0,7.1686216300943375,0.8500000000000005,113,3,25,1,2,36,29,30,0.079,0.7290000000000001,0.191,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32024359629518795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228604240597538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378643023185651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33862173612664515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657047711064621,0.2341227986250748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121985583440166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244937213548118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601071408425845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666341714892272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309031629145485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27987056954058165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328024528497641,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rhiane,2018/02/08,"Help with Adulting So in the past few years I’ve been slowly giving myself more “adult” responsibilities, stuff like living with my partner and doing the cleaning and having the bills come out of my account. That kind of thing. However it’s gotten to the point now where I think I’ve taken on far too much. I’m constantly stressed and anxious and I feel sick. It’s making me so depressed as well and I’m getting angry with my partner over the littlest things. In short I feel like I’ve taken on too much too quickly and it’s making my bpd worse. I was just wondering if anyone has any useful tips for “adulting” with bpd to relieve some of the anxieties of all this. The pressure and everything is getting to me so much I’m considering ways out and it’s just too much to handle. I talk to my partner about it often but I don’t think he understands. We share the chores and such but he works way longer hours than me and can’t do anymore than he does. I’m not sure how to get anymore help with this. And it’s making me feel like a child that can’t look after themselves properly. Which of course, in turn is making me feel worse about the whole situation. If anyone has any advice that would be greatly appreciated ",2.8358136924803574,4.918931625514412,3.8683445566778936,87.00164141414145,76.36625514403292,6.228881406659182,23.802656191545076,7.1686216300943375,0.9186312757201648,967,31,192,11,22,312,130,243,0.087,0.805,0.108,0.7397,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,18,12,0,2,10,0,14,1,0,6,2,46,41,20,0,3,7,0,4,3,3,1,1,0,2,7,15,20,0,0,8,0,2,1,4,3,1,0,5,5,18,9,31,34,9,22,0,1,1,0,16,12,0,5,10,129,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091773601715178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151955030901672,0.0,0.08547008892066213,0.12621858544082096,0.22160435291552968,0.15624284256107646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28142998726050866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624206142794567,0.0,0.1207361212904136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622944540966387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977721809169466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004121302206922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259681028632137,0.15963416227872035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511668072560338,0.10717776571246204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317831624160537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977517371949678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002761059782497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634544257609032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375104936390664,0.0,0.0986561103728261,0.0,0.09382170627804544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29831190676893105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32852587960721424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665511496053072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561718887733296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12558471208319394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279817625971506,0.0,0.12789954686404706,0.0,0.0,0.10530043860228086,0.0,0.0,0.08980113166210194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484515880291616,0.14317902692430032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152581179422338,0.0,0.1163107126632797,0.0,0.09649539713834264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773658065773353,0.0,0.0,0.10045509731032833,0.0,0.0,0.12473809593497975,0.0,0.0,0.12116208779056335,0.08133786314981667,0.0,0.22771669063562774,0.0793669492150073,0.0,0.0,0.07194788489933053 bpd,sad_orangejuice,2018/02/08,"Need some book recommendations I was officially diagnosed back in December after a breakdown. Since then I've started seeing a psychiatrist and he put me on lamictal. I even started therapy, and things were looking up. Unfortunately the therapist is no longer covered by my insurance and she is $140 each visit. I don't have that kind of money :( she suggested I try to find some self help books till I can find someone new. But she didn't give specific recs so here I am. They don't necessarily have to be bpd or therapy related just any books that you found helpful. Thanks guys and gals :)",4.190540540540543,6.589256567567568,5.748009009009008,73.62255405405405,73.41441441441441,9.845405405405408,30.91981981981982,10.125756701596842,3.6623614414414414,473,22,85,15,10,160,87,111,0.067,0.831,0.102,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,12,1,0,0,0,14,20,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,3,1,2,4,0,0,0,4,2,13,2,9,15,3,12,0,0,2,0,13,3,0,3,7,56,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239725481163344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018004434442405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296047220681318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503409065751425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040966146273817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332439685733829,0.0,0.0,0.1998862437334887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488201131540435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050900537334394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24438822223119103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898409140163831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308892278055666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517564442271796,0.0,0.1760697379470879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832652468696658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527218893114902,0.0,0.1901821815713873,0.0,0.0,0.15080323769915746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544650601179941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258070537741277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678404567263047,0.4169596000257803,0.2116682722529984,0.12111426341521005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377202658171313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,airwaysunlimited,2018/02/08,Sticking with therapy? Did anyone who went through DBT feel like it was useless at first? Maybe I’m just not connecting with my therapist? It feels like he just talks and talks and talks at me and I don’t say much. Worth sticking with? I live in a rural area and he is the only person who has DBT experience. ,1.4587327188940122,3.903919112903228,2.709447004608297,91.41274193548388,83.6774193548387,6.123502304147466,21.76036866359447,7.447530270364453,0.8380110599078336,243,8,51,4,7,78,45,62,0.044,0.833,0.123,0.6199,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,12,9,4,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,3,3,4,2,7,6,1,6,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705814785550298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197195322723596,0.0,0.0,0.2271472480171037,0.3209343282673554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105997992977095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194740452398576,0.0,0.19834183397843824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256589999108095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651200955126605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708321320228725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612779818908666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862527142839493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5416183877478244,0.0,0.0,0.25687029075276385,0.26079884302172746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082231623721829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jakei0000,2018/02/09,"New here, but I have a BPD loved one and want to ask a question: Are you aware of your behaviour in the moment? When you pick fights for no real reason. When you skew the facts to fit what your emotions dictate. Etc. Not trying to sound mean, I understand you can't help some of the disrespectful ways you can treat your loved ones, but I simply want to know whether you know you're doing it when you're doing it...",3.7371428571428567,4.765244142857147,4.058095238095241,90.90357142857144,71.85714285714286,7.028571428571429,22.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.4737761904761912,324,7,71,3,6,101,57,84,0.096,0.693,0.211,0.9035,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,9,0,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,6,2,0,2,1,17,15,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,12,3,8,15,2,8,0,0,0,2,15,2,0,2,5,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393131903244166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747395128076565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453779776454761,0.0,0.0,0.24328360257018766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462145475644943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397679204717523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937594743272413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376182535267327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068083264158924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956344244220222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443665628367968,0.0,0.0,0.24829091349312102,0.0,0.22428410353693295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810264342989285,0.0,0.0,0.2270912836437801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573290782453325,0.17314926444809614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GuiltyFail,2018/02/09,"I don't know what to do About two weeks ago I had the worst days of my life. I had to block my best friend because of the way I treated her. It's my fault, I caused all of this but I didn't want to. I was aggressive at first because I felt like she was getting distant and she doesn't care about me anymore. Logically thinking I know it's probably not true, shes just dealing with a lot of stuff lately, and has a boyfriend now so she can't spend as much time with me, which hurts. Usually I'm not aggressive and I just get very sad and depressed when I feel like she hates me or something, this is actually the first time I lashed out on her, and I feel terrible. We used to tell each other everything, spend basically all of our free time together, which was good. And even though no day passed without me questioning whether she hates me, overall I was happy because we did everything together so every time I was soon proven wrong, and realized she is happy to have me as her friend. But lately shes been spending more and more time with her boyfriend, and less with me, plus as I said she's dealing with a lot of stuff too, so these things combined set off a part of me I didn't even realize I had. At first I was angry and aggressive, and blamed everything on her, I told her I don't understand why she hates me, and why would she abandon her best friend like this. Since this was the first time I reacted aggressively, she thought I had a problem with her and refused to talk to me afterwards. Then I started to panic and frantically apologized for everything I said and done, I became disgustingly manipulative and I hate myself for it. She accepted my apology, but within two days the same thing happened, I felt like I don't matter to her anymore, I became very angry, etc. But after that I felt like apologizing again is not a good idea and from now on being aggressive and apologizing would just alternate daily, and I can't do that to her. I had no idea what to do.. I told her I don't want to hurt her feelings, what I did was unforgivable and I don't want this to happen ever again, that it's none of her fault and I still love her, but I need a little time to get my shit together, and I blocked her because it's better for her this way. A little more than 2 weeks has passed. The first days were terrible, but I gradually started feeling better. I still have hours when I feel like everything is lost. Not as often and not for that long though. But I'm starting to really miss her, I want my friend back, I want to contact her but I don't trust myself. Right now I feel like I could control myself, stay calm whatever happens. But I really don't want to act the way I did and hurt her again. I feel like this is my last chance to correct things, and if I fuck up again she will no longer want me as her friend. So yeah, I don't know.. Should I unblock her and talk to her, or should I wait?",3.6990853609572,4.6612453507588585,4.701251505661286,86.50450393479483,71.88364249578414,8.345764072914157,26.766602425118442,8.704169506293173,1.701724997992451,2275,75,495,40,42,743,221,593,0.21600000000000005,0.617,0.168,-0.975,0,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,3,0,0,11,29,58,12,2,15,1,53,4,1,5,5,116,103,54,0,15,22,0,10,8,5,5,1,2,0,0,28,37,0,6,23,0,4,3,23,29,0,7,30,12,115,30,58,66,17,65,0,8,0,2,61,12,2,7,53,366,143,0,0.0,0.0,0.05539814307582847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032210077289279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259875673992778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365168989137645,0.0,0.13842289249026798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915067051165515,0.10041475034664796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057879557566655276,0.05831717767799086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367101712489738,0.045325253795680566,0.0,0.0,0.14644467432147082,0.11705224483921282,0.048894869493069336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580941745660448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331219903876603,0.0749904913595662,0.051350614170881485,0.04783014797694482,0.0,0.25510060781087995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092801627506346,0.16222251927204048,0.1635208022382399,0.0,0.0,0.24143748850117625,0.0,0.0,0.21929710408229608,0.05248182499394368,0.08897803799748383,0.0,0.0,0.09522992337235073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060134160352082,0.12086284993105904,0.0,0.22418968078670806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590581591645167,0.0,0.1823164685140639,0.12817009185752545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935959152835162,0.04627413485928779,0.1280753194800721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040097470186268996,0.22187487842669015,0.11379446823986435,0.0,0.050238586421543364,0.0,0.0,0.0619698325026051,0.09652557823310272,0.05123604293226855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041731587301856665,0.042093333175936935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660593516846032,0.0,0.06147505975970375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120634947559433,0.05432005840527825,0.0,0.0,0.06359402894931601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273507189555517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848023038294511,0.108000224840356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058272339816297335,0.04695972381407651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04370338251730144,0.0,0.0,0.1205437100865536,0.06050796920168655,0.09067124664619183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299733491244305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125719459893017,0.049618418404892034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314397051480585,0.036375143833600826,0.11155008185788158,0.04506807245613503,0.2317163366562267,0.0,0.0,0.10849000959064507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109097040545881,0.05909830501575175,0.0,0.04903000146862886,0.06252279408688373,0.09368038233453432,0.2343858927142713,0.13518125239440806,0.09107298673993926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244999342335566,0.0,0.0,0.054723080878146965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065382913536212,0.06206775234440499,0.0,0.0 bpd,AmIABadPerson97,2018/02/09,"Relationship issues with BPD partner My partner of two years was recently diagnosed with BPD. My question is, I feel like, to an extent, our relationship has been based too much on relying on each other. Not just supporting each other, but relying. I struggle with some mental health issues too -- autism, ADHD, depression -- and I'm wondering if this is a sign of a really toxic relationship, or at least a relationship that is hindering their, or our, recovery. Do you think it's possible? And would that, frankly, make me an awful person to end the relationship for that reason?",7.050714285714285,8.628025892156867,7.908543417366945,64.31558823529414,64.58823529411765,12.103081232492995,34.179271708683466,11.765960540728905,4.863597759103642,459,20,71,16,7,154,73,102,0.13,0.853,0.016,-0.9233,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,1,1,0,3,4,0,1,6,1,8,2,0,2,0,22,14,6,0,2,6,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,9,2,11,11,6,6,0,1,0,0,13,3,0,6,4,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561605150554694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273053320918243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191561671666184,0.1318845796058919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508671396057188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570067894127897,0.09282790545250563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811827417430242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712435295266515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634812612000558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673478496586938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309471852957273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955195581433041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345706023531367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464858433361616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556056787039345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324176455032399,0.1335981531030566,0.12829833728607573,0.6975252149198261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583966228446434,0.0,0.0,0.14745237623834964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325917826351406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693078085514786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091247975120785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230439841468216,0.0,0.0,0.08367596711888921 bpd,midnightmoon_,2018/02/09,"How did you get diagnosed? (I need help) Was there a specific moment that made you think you needed to get diagnosed? How did come to realize that there was something ""wrong"" (Sorry for the lack of better wording. I have no idea how to better phrase it.) And how did you get diagnosed? I don't know where else to go or who to ask. I found out about BPD a while back when I was watching videos on Youtube about depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder trying to make sense of how I was feeling--of myself. The DSM description for hit ticked all the boxes for me. I know I shouldn't do self diagnosis. I have been seeing a therapist for a long time and I don't know if I should ask her to refer me to someone so I can get diagnosed; not that I want to get diagnosed with a disorder but I just want to get a better sense of what I need to work on myself, you know. Basically everyday's just been a bad day for the past fee years and not knowing what I am dealing with just adds to the frustration. I feel like ""life"" isn't the problem. It's me. But I don't know what it is. But I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should ask to get ""tested"" or whatever. I don't even know whether I qualify to get a diagnosis or not but I just want to know what's wrong with me (or maybe I just need to be told that I am ""normal"" and that I'm just overreacting). ADD: Just to clear things up, It's not that I feel like I have or should have BPD which is why I want to get diagnosed but because I might have something else entirely or even nothing at all.",2.344830769230768,3.4887356676923105,4.039384615384616,89.2566153846154,75.4,8.03076923076923,24.384615384615394,8.608573733854374,1.3675846153846156,1192,37,276,23,25,401,132,325,0.103,0.83,0.067,-0.6920000000000001,0,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,5,0,4,22,11,1,0,14,0,34,8,0,7,3,81,76,27,0,17,25,0,2,2,0,5,8,0,0,1,18,12,0,0,17,1,1,2,13,6,0,0,12,4,42,5,37,57,3,18,0,1,2,0,14,6,0,9,12,193,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582857481997548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368431972164856,0.0,0.0,0.05858601693865015,0.06361612977055009,0.04644520031361877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215369482847548,0.0,0.0,0.19191927351980032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656316218861273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491367584606829,0.07854936218874649,0.06562301847791582,0.463992307329587,0.0,0.0,0.17464249957150565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729526213926398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064660057747668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704870856567919,0.10886143566895226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353927205501795,0.0,0.0,0.3582589027545253,0.0,0.04330098355231229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051069082600888285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601013146660279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187246734191775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05381581041594126,0.07444594595371531,0.0,0.0,0.06742645433408143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209357067427694,0.05085794604432462,0.0,0.07654389243598232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082639117789532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22597803077831066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465080042859877,0.07310712088362874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273273320887562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072904299232383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071419766799083,0.0,0.07948361382733382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645562117691139,0.11731078979101545,0.0,0.08528935507498958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846338322678837,0.05061777745284237,0.048819983787206714,0.0,0.0,0.04442746418322189,0.0,0.0,0.0728035679187703,0.0,0.05172854723908308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797572152897395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875034007848405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055467804825346884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16660534330936028,0.0,0.04906437276132921 bpd,angievp,2018/02/09,"Just small needed advice I hope you don’t think I’m asking for a diagnosis, because I know only a professional can do that I just want to know how you ended up with your diagnosis or what’s your story? Here’s a little background: I’m super Hispanic and come from an all Hispanic family as well. When I moved to college I realized something was wrong but I just thought I was going through a small funk. Well long story short I ended up in the ER because of a panic attack, I had no idea what those were until then. I was forced to get on medicine and see a therapist, and I’m happy that I did. It’s been a long journey and I started seeing myself get better, but it’s almost been a year now and I have these crazy bad days. I chalk it up to depression, but I’m either have good days or bad days. And long story short I realized that I had been experiencing a lot of the symptoms of quiet bpd. I found it out when I was trying to see if I had bipolar because of these random spouts of irritability and crying but it just didn’t really resonate with me. And even though it’s kind of scary I brought it up to my therapist and he brushed it off TWICE. I mean if he doesn’t think I have it, that’s fine but he didn’t really answer no either. I’m confused because it’s not like I want a label, I just want to know if there is something more wrong with me so I can make sure I’m treating it well so I don’t have these randomly horrible days where all I can do is cry and miss class and life in general. I have been treating anxiety for a year now and I still feel stuck, shouldn’t I be getting better by now? I realize many of you are dealing with this personally, so I apologize for any of my ignorance, but I just want to know how you got your diagnosis. How did you bring it up? And to who? Thank you ",2.163216468590832,3.5873654184210544,4.220118845500853,86.63938030560274,76.39473684210526,7.429541595925298,23.83701188455009,8.155646560271837,1.2394168081494057,1409,44,309,24,31,484,170,380,0.197,0.6920000000000001,0.11,-0.9917,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,9,0,3,26,26,1,2,14,0,34,3,0,4,3,75,73,36,0,10,20,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,24,19,0,1,15,0,0,6,9,10,4,1,21,7,47,16,39,50,6,42,0,2,3,0,17,16,0,11,21,219,71,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290505681648656,0.0,0.0,0.09520271810162874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465347191621215,0.0,0.07273122792866188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888120705592809,0.1081602191338137,0.0,0.0,0.15876537154242712,0.2318245234581291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817017206106494,0.0,0.0,0.11974217417981538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189769537431725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886829943298127,0.2452590480287988,0.09801695511261824,0.08188695970628658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684144069487173,0.0,0.0,0.06279537513834509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962715568357273,0.0,0.048072190521550436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424355909449516,0.0,0.0,0.14901647325753015,0.0,0.05403265466345534,0.0797434268551406,0.07603923559112055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012078713462408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442977596157816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732679375466914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990047747618175,0.20900038587431444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671534653739582,0.046448276214693,0.0952889652039762,0.0,0.2524120717359627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082837951454687,0.0,0.0,0.06346252694666314,0.09638995206920882,0.0,0.10356328440467637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010484465559892,0.0,0.07049604822382904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230794006527269,0.0,0.1115486672914088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301481055502848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181347375084887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22728462542658326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638497496061276,0.0,0.0,0.0672937538099171,0.0,0.0759260920175676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960596973380598,0.0988181236402283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753121896934367,0.0,0.22077611380255652,0.0,0.12183895645062155,0.09340956579937387,0.07547800968726677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454889704375677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430805815948315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564484021722063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789663978984527,0.0,0.12244887262152625 bpd,SassyKnickers,2018/02/09,"New Job Worries Hi there, needing some advice! I’ve been offered a new job which is actually amazing with great money/benefits. I start this Monday and I haven’t been able to disclose my diagnosis of BPD. I’m worried as this role is 8am - 5pm with a half hour break and this just isn’t enough for me. I may be just panicking about this but I need at least an hour break that I can split through the day to keep me (almost) “sane”. I don’t expect to be paid for time that I don’t work, I’m just worried about bringing it up. Any advice?",0.5073684210526324,2.5410438596491254,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,84.08771929824562,5.203508771929825,20.903508771929825,6.42735559955562,0.11769824561403475,416,13,96,4,12,138,76,114,0.083,0.868,0.048,-0.3802,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,12,0,0,0,0,15,20,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,3,0,10,2,14,14,3,13,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,8,59,18,3,0.16503779786548428,0.0,0.16105308372815866,0.0,0.0,0.3225460519969167,0.0,0.0,0.16526151490177315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223136193576462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785932898957565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643572638687246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052816257926884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195475478130516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3250579731294961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32754909726304204,0.14669317777160198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447468718618261,0.0,0.3187890671881938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168146027740736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962348671341773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014948243675845,0.5028116845732481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheLivingMeru,2018/02/09,"After a social media detox, I've decided to deactivate this Reddit account Disappearing off Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Steam etc. For a short period has helped me tremendously. I decided to give this ago after reading a few articles on depression, anxiety and low self-esteem being linked to social media through psychological research. There were also younger adults and teenagers who reported that, before the findings, they left social media of their own accord and found that they were much happier with themselves, their lives and their friendships. It might sound crazy, as disappearing off social sites would you make you more lonely, surely. I thought it was weird. But I decided to give it a try because fuck it why not? These were the things I noticed within my time away 1 - I felt less lonely being alone. I came to really enjoy my own company, my own thoughts, whether good or bad. I was able to prioritise my time better and actually enjoy reading or watching t.v. without having to make a status about it and counting to see if anybody liked or commented on my posts. 2 - I had more exciting things to talk about at work and with friends. There was no more 'Did you see my post on Facebook?'. I actually had lots of things to talk about to my friends. And vice versa. Because I hadn't saw any of their statuses, it ment I could really pay attention to so much more. I could read visual and vocal cues better than if I just read it online. It ment we could talk for hours, and can still talk for hours, without the conversation stopping because we already read it on facebook. 3 - that feeling of rejection when my partner or family member not liking my status has pretty much disappeared. There's nothing to compare my relationships to either. Why can't my girlfriend like my pictures like this person's partner can like there's etc. Why can't my relationship be like that etc. 4 - I don't really care how people see me anymore. I care about how I see myself more than what other people see. I want to be happy. Stable. Relaxed and spent time by myself when I finish work or college. Spending my day surrounded by people is exhausting, As much as I do like people's company, I've come to really appreciate being on my own and it makes me look forward to seeing everyone even more. 5 - my priorities have changed for the better. I don't get upset over losing contact with someone and seeing them living a happy life without me in it. If anything, I'm just as happy where I am in life as where they are, my time spending hours scrolling has gone. I'm way more productive now. 6 - I don't need to prove anything. I think this is the most important thing. Social sites, whether it be facebook or reddit, is essentially shouting in a room hoping somebody replies. If nobody replies, we get sad. If 1 person replies, We get happy. But then it gets addictive. We want that front page. We want that karma. We want to make our mark somewhere so we can say we've achieved something on this or that site. But what does it matter in 5 years time? I look at posts on my old account or Facebook from 5 years ago and I just get sad. I spent so much of my time and priorities on all the wrong things instead of spending it with the people I care about and who are here and real right in front of me. This is a big message and it's somewhat hypocritical of me to write this and leave my account open for another week but genuinely I just want to know some honest opinions on anybody else that has done the same. I won't be 100% leaving reddit, I'll just be changing the way I use it. For either my hobbies, like art or gaming, or for my programming work. I've abused this account for validation seeking purposes and now I want to use the site properly. If you've been thinking about leaving sites temporarily for a while, give it a go and see how you feel, you maybe surprised just how quickly you start loving your free time. It's not easy, it's hard and scary at first but trust me it gets better!",4.319611835893916,6.1643595222513135,5.033071839327099,81.28562998884217,71.57853403141361,7.679993133636597,28.624066603724998,8.35264218426727,2.1250015277658565,3161,123,578,51,61,1019,327,764,0.087,0.8,0.113,0.9643,0,5,1,0,1,0,89.0,9,7,8,10,35,47,1,1,20,0,48,7,0,10,3,125,105,62,0,18,37,0,4,8,5,3,5,3,1,5,48,37,0,1,16,8,11,10,14,14,0,1,21,19,86,34,87,70,30,84,1,8,12,2,57,38,1,23,41,399,134,14,0.04898860210719759,0.058043482821531385,0.09561161793162773,0.05340480728610108,0.0,0.0,0.0868508799298367,0.0,0.0,0.050737417593676136,0.05406014060405357,0.03917616740603146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033313929323640766,0.05136882070430071,0.037476146524305684,0.0,0.04858352966027312,0.0,0.0,0.08062689086961647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046026404285881464,0.0,0.04090343650423295,0.08958899144634612,0.0,0.04168569221218861,0.0,0.0,0.17330575018917108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602991009812226,0.1498414343024061,0.0,0.10364689074516803,0.042199342968075385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173402376312916,0.0,0.0,0.0315935956332069,0.0,0.04219381121122743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042870255832372535,0.050132348435028236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092369098043961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390572270499712,0.03235650966929385,0.0,0.0,0.04681070867384962,0.0,0.0,0.04618209419272933,0.0,0.049540218336393715,0.0,0.04703674046160568,0.0,0.04477469482262142,0.04166967992654328,0.0,0.053713473649478836,0.07569694493307826,0.045289173256286536,0.1535671360261393,0.14098299309304674,0.027841351520298967,0.041089315199033034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859711152986607,0.043884165145967116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032836027357041137,0.0,0.0,0.04865673550382709,0.14473171521949302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026922854555490046,0.0,0.0,0.1556155687073355,0.05322625952818542,0.0,0.06920419686679274,0.19146685183763085,0.0,0.08651566634690389,0.0,0.0822761753506589,0.05480571495883385,0.0,0.04164835766254986,0.04421412604447008,0.0,0.13080108923713604,0.0,0.0492156353323373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519691652311396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006129624796166,0.03632442773016363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700588495176125,0.05577384819331301,0.05140529714163087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698126423044039,0.08554991556307039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075261735495245,0.049839020063386974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450092955933008,0.05575975416788585,0.1255334117388788,0.0,0.0,0.105190850381174,0.0,0.041835998530372384,0.0,0.03895770265415654,0.0,0.0,0.3123005864299232,0.0,0.051105796014934285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496885528407649,0.041507883591405934,0.03771381926867514,0.0,0.0,0.034674384714425736,0.0,0.03912236092396509,0.04095666492601293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617117772974187,0.0,0.0,0.15750073087399466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272925227417753,0.06277983631447262,0.0,0.07778295598631771,0.1999595349122652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0332600451344897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462084660832439,0.0,0.0,0.17336848064243726,0.07776974424191796,0.039295701663467034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326137811363612,0.0,0.0,0.1416697928069867,0.0,0.10699285735642496,0.0,0.0,0.03480009738529356,0.053561346044624564,0.0,0.06309410720524856 bpd,xJ_Dx,2018/02/09,"Feel like my FPs best friend is becoming my new FP. I'm trying to cut off my old FP. I am so helplessly in love with her and she's only interested in me as a friend. This dissonance tore our relationship apart. She's off having a good time with her new partner and I'm stuck trying to get over her. I've noticed that im becoming increasingly reliant on her best friend, who I am also very close with. I'm not necessarily in love with her, but I do consider us to be very close. I'm just worried that I'm gonna end up pushing her away too, now that my emotional state can be dictated by her... She says she understands but she's been very distant lately. I'm scared.",1.1652142857142849,3.2059113785714324,3.565714285714286,87.30928571428572,81.64285714285714,7.428571428571428,22.857142857142854,8.418075326091056,1.413714285714286,523,18,116,12,14,181,84,140,0.08199999999999999,0.7390000000000001,0.179,0.8722,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,2,6,13,1,1,2,0,9,2,0,0,0,14,22,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,2,22,10,18,17,3,22,0,1,0,2,23,12,0,0,8,68,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630903677479175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366465150410257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212560990725126,0.0,0.0,0.3052625072951561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360143892815726,0.12881747001605498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353929005612392,0.10390300944188947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371018402863972,0.0,0.0759868684377474,0.0,0.0,0.1219889281920817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710113193293473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640636724041372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710550782084291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625321848752271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809354588825037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558543089105174,0.1526157608450628,0.0,0.0,0.1106143597811946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614909899879553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156604428325496,0.14561171526215752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480775955493032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748965091889106,0.0,0.0,0.15140910822014708,0.17494749742764054,0.0,0.0,0.3600119278348266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770229583990113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,xRoseable,2018/02/09,"My Psychiatrist Only ""Screened"" Me For Depression? Hi. I am NOT looking for a diagnosis from you guys. I hope this post is okay, if it belongs somewhere else let me know. A few days ago I FINALLY went to a psychiatrist (after years of knowing I should but putting it off). However, while there, she only ""screened"" me (checked me? IDK) for depression. Like, 100% of her questions were around depression. Unsurprisingly, I was diagnosed with major depression (with signs of anxiety). But... she never once talked about splitting/depersonalization/dissociation/etc. and since her questions were so specific I couldn't really throw them in. So what should I do? I am going back in 2 weeks to check up (she gave me a prescription to antidepressants). Should I just let her treat my depression and hope that will reduce my other symptoms? Should I ask her to screen me for BPD? Does it even really matter in the long run if I have the official diagnosis or not? I'm just all over the place right now. (PS- not that it matters to you guys, or heck maybe it does, but one of the reasons I went to the psychiatrist was I took about 10 of those silly online quizzes about BPD and all of them said to go see a doctor about it... so I was trying to... but I was too nervous in the moment to say anything I guess).",2.717497645211936,5.322706534693879,3.9788775510204095,83.31955651491369,79.57142857142857,7.524332810047097,24.933281004709567,8.502166056373571,1.9127425431711145,1011,38,196,23,26,330,139,245,0.11,0.8220000000000001,0.068,-0.938,1,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,2,2,0,15,12,0,1,11,1,19,3,0,1,3,38,35,15,0,9,13,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,2,12,6,0,0,5,0,2,8,5,6,0,1,11,7,36,6,35,16,4,31,0,5,5,0,21,10,1,9,13,143,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696434560889126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368021202796946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001559590377947,0.09737698885311066,0.10226141457472786,0.0,0.0,0.08411130457652903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755364046344749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054510739512761,0.0,0.4710712541020838,0.11102478123131178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196150234892044,0.19144935808272467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137820869574403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219946276996599,0.07224861253692402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198273333359804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433349820813845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205013301516021,0.21661924849244885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729053390846265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023168796932915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237097842267315,0.0,0.053440615711748386,0.0,0.0,0.09680342397996138,0.09185693349939593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989323027195927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436544987685894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649282828496832,0.07412298067265509,0.16638640452771053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428539079328146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476182813259764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996343359596317,0.2450753568310872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015131603900124,0.11246732381828443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341529351617983,0.10405141047787228,0.08698836781706186,0.0,0.0,0.08716671040326276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048546900210107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369423800366933,0.0,0.08792055598317819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153219242564454,0.07426611023384816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774308331978843,0.0,0.0,0.20280437243421245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044118403724342 bpd,littermotel,2018/02/09,"Why is my BPD friend always trying to make me jealous? There's a guy I'm friends with who has Borderline. Things haven't always been entirely platonic between us but for some reason a relationship has never happened. Things are just never stable between us and we can't seem to have a normal day together without someone getting upset or angry (mainly him). One thing that's really starting to bug me is how he constantly tries to make me jealous by lying about the attention he gets from other girls. Recently he'd been so distant from me. Like, I hadn't heard anything from him for weeks and I was starting to think he had no interest in me at all. So I ended up calling him and asking how he'd been. He told me he'd just been busy, and then started talking about this girl he'd been hanging out with. He told me how she'd been ""all over him"" and she'd left her ex-boyfriend to be with him. When I asked what happened between them, he replied ""nothing, she's not my type"". I didn't show any kind of reaction. Then later on I found out this girl was still with her boyfriend and she'd been away for the last two weeks, so they couldn't have been hanging out. So he's been lying to me to make me jealous, but I really don't understand why. He hasn't been in touch for weeks and I'm the one who is asking after him, yet he is trying to get some kind of reaction out of me. What for? It reminds me of times in the past where he'd constantly be bragging about how many girls he'd been speaking with on Tinder in front of me. Later on he admitted he said it all to make me jealous because he had feelings for me. But I don't buy that excuse anymore. If he genuinely liked me, he'd have just asked me out by now surely? The last time I spoke with him, he called me up asking if he could come over. He said he was really excited to see me and had this whole day planned. He had a list of movies he wanted us to watch together. He even hinted at wanting to stay over in my bed and he kept saying how happy he was to have him in his life. When he came round everything started off fine, but then I got this email from a job I'd applied for and really wanted. It was a rejection email and I was visibly upset. He seemed to be annoyed at me for being upset because the day was no longer revolving around his plans. Eventually he told me he wanted to go home and I pleaded with him to stay, saying I could really do with his support but he didn't want to. I even said he could stay over but he didn't seem interested anymore. So now I'm left feeling really rejected and humiliated. I don't understand why he wastes energy making me jealous and planning dates with me, yet the moment I show any sort of emotional vulnerability or affection he's no longer interested? Does he even like me?",3.5927458279845936,4.631048029824561,4.923530166880617,84.52507702182287,72.21052631578947,8.157466837826274,26.88489516474112,8.556025622055003,1.7676281557552418,2187,74,457,37,41,729,222,570,0.118,0.7879999999999999,0.094,-0.953,1,1,0,0,0,0,51.0,4,0,2,3,29,26,6,3,13,0,62,1,0,12,6,90,114,39,0,12,15,0,4,3,2,0,1,8,2,5,17,32,0,1,12,2,1,6,18,11,0,3,38,14,73,15,82,58,7,74,0,2,3,0,96,29,0,10,39,305,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923149448154057,0.0,0.0,0.0892716472986025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018973781862805,0.0,0.0,0.05401415797105905,0.05843138631532556,0.3068115111456699,0.0,0.0616686925447174,0.0,0.0,0.08002415214507315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266826841102592,0.0,0.13404667118262142,0.07507193648427507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056540986580730986,0.0,0.14186187021361066,0.0,0.1572188649076787,0.0,0.0,0.12699247958094428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057439912312483826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383347342670847,0.05813543763207865,0.0,0.0,0.1300590613741213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899084893979871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637669269598752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196824829991287,0.10142290487559008,0.0,0.10287882187957248,0.0,0.03730336474407989,0.0,0.052496390521324016,0.0,0.0,0.06499155057613723,0.11608623840481777,0.06987245330283942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583987170213483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513519701511301,0.0,0.0,0.13670293445135628,0.0,0.10700682067084033,0.0,0.0,0.14263090437224846,0.0,0.04636178304169048,0.09620165806191727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190680621762535,0.06654623138725745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124753807816078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431091879151621,0.0629810542852187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895548259477658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265852304363315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522947911984413,0.06748639204473683,0.06480921844852874,0.0704702258553778,0.0,0.0,0.18730918568836555,0.10439531936083288,0.0,0.0,0.05230467474294316,0.1792620370307424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561453150850475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583454461048116,0.2098828674769498,0.05241827783152592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448477871601379,0.06186266791899635,0.0,0.0,0.05275702229261512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082012877907553,0.04205792831042952,0.0,0.0,0.07654763310764431,0.0,0.0,0.18815863931565974,0.0,0.1336908800011199,0.0,0.06411840463638191,0.13666212768755592,0.2368618788505604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935738064480745,0.0,0.1579515876905012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776831934403212,0.0732820442925146,0.0,0.06327231097772154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WATisISO,2018/02/09,"Looking for tips on how to deal with chronic feelings of emptiness. In the 15 years since I received my diagnosis I've worked really hard in and out of therapy to alleviate the majority of my BPD symptoms, but there are few things that DBT/CBT just doesn't seem to fix for me. I still struggle on a daily basis with recurring bouts of emptiness, usually brought on my overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame for things that I've done in the past. Does anyone have any coping strategies that they can suggest to combat these kinds of feelings? I would great appreciate your help! ",9.78,8.308768851851855,8.895111111111117,69.76100000000001,59.55555555555557,11.973333333333334,41.04444444444445,10.793553405168565,4.388186666666667,468,21,82,9,5,147,76,108,0.165,0.731,0.104,-0.6745,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,1,4,6,0,4,4,0,6,2,0,1,0,13,12,4,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,5,9,2,22,9,2,14,0,1,1,0,6,7,0,1,5,55,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072238621062624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469323919754434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606264440441712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21334012549894915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108955685123534,0.2117655839869189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31389652373184224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281457413824279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537244214597476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870366591914365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549017767806816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377265244139772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754215690991514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256737952943973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838516947092432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711781501611131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652579595138573,0.0,0.0,0.21633260854686456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508391966221152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366473495970885,0.0,0.27495584160998776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22790884113949525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506505987172238,0.0,0.0,0.14700015410507247,0.0,0.0,0.13325887251989454 bpd,wannathrowyouaway,2018/02/09,"I can't enjoy the moments that I feel good As the title says, I can't enjoy the moments when I'm not contemplating suicide because I know I'll be super depressed again in no time. Even when I'm feeling motivated and on top of that world, all I can think is how much I would accomplish if I felt like that all the time or at least for longer than 30 minutes. Hope that makes sense.",6.291375000000002,4.8427713875000045,6.8125000000000036,81.84250000000003,66.375,9.5,32.5,8.07648339933343,2.118125,301,10,66,3,4,99,57,80,0.119,0.607,0.275,0.9207,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,4,5,7,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,3,2,16,15,7,1,3,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,7,6,7,12,4,12,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,3,8,42,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536339077115668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26190230929282826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084093756358415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075023851298829,0.0,0.2919629821262495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504656320366104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020184957293397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711355477083634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855736306406464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029747156385561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353263641210366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24181537521673266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3326124524361463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484118210458087,0.0,0.0,0.354621159937225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600859479597034,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,midnightsky24,2018/02/09,"Boyfriend told me im not capable of love Too long to read: Bf gave me permission to sleep with ""Mark"" and tell him about it. I did. Boyfriend got mad and hurt when I told him my PTSD was not triggered by ""Mark"". Bf said that because of my BPD I was incapable of loving him and never actually had. I just might have thought I had. My off and on again boyfriend just dumped me after 2.5 years of going back and fourth. I've been wondering for a while if I have undiagnosed learning disability. He know about this and had been supportive and wanted me to get tested so I could get help. Anyway, it all started where he gave me permission to sleep with my besties super hot roommate. Let call him ""Mark"". My bf said that so long as I used a condom and told him all about it and always asked him first I was fine to sleep with ""Mark"" So I did. It was amazing. ""Mark"" was great, AND he didn't trigger my PTSD which Almost never happens. I was pretty happy with how things worked out and I was excited to share it with my boyfriend. My bf was happy to hear about it until I mentioned how my PTSD wasn't triggered (something my bf and I struggle with sexually). This is when my boyfriend got upset. He told me that I definitely don't have a learning disability. But he brought up the fact that he does. He talked about all the ways I couldn't possibly have a learning disability. Then he went on to say something his mom told him growing up (he on the spectrum) she told him he was incapable of loving anyone. Well me boyfriend told me that I was incapable of loving humans. He said I only thought I did and it would never be good enough the way I show love. He said I never loved him in the past and I never will and he can't believe me when I tell him I do, to the point where he told me not to tell him that anymore. Then he kept trying to convince me to breakup with him and date ""Mark"". He kept saying all these reasons why I should break up with him then, without giving me any processing time (I need a lot), he would repeatedly jump in and ask me if I wanted to break up with him and or start dating ""Mark"". Then he told me to leave the apartment at 7:30 for my 9:00am appointment and told me to go over to my friend and ""Mark""'s house afterwards cuz he doesn't want to see me. I feel like shit. Idk what to do. He used to be very abusive and manipulative towards me and also called me abusive and manipulative. I thought this time he had actually changed. But this is all coming up again. In the past he said that because of my PTSD symptoms it meant I didn't love him. It just makes me hate myself. I feel like shit. I tried to kill myself like a week ago and he's still holding that as leverage. We live together and that makes things harder. I'm not working because of my ""disabilities"" which idk, maybe I'm not actually disabled. Maybe I'm just a fucking lazy narcissist. I guess I just needed to rant. And maybe know if any of you have been through anything similar? Is it true that some/many people with BPD are incapable of fully loving another human?",2.880338593974173,4.5670871495934975,3.829363940698233,89.08602582496414,75.0650406504065,6.839789574366332,25.066953610712577,7.583002386737751,1.0973653754184602,2387,80,509,31,51,767,245,615,0.125,0.7709999999999999,0.104,-0.9022,0,0,2,0,0,1,76.0,1,1,0,4,28,35,7,2,15,0,47,16,5,13,12,110,116,50,1,13,17,1,3,3,6,5,1,8,0,2,30,39,0,3,13,2,0,7,18,10,1,1,50,12,89,25,71,56,7,66,0,1,1,10,91,20,3,9,38,331,119,7,0.0,0.1224186448604798,0.15123977918541542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04579397422895004,0.0,0.05173059391974337,0.0,0.0,0.041312935505781016,0.04298572887506198,0.0,0.0,0.0702619120103018,0.0541706072156021,0.0,0.0,0.05123339929339413,0.03612226851300978,0.0,0.04251224357918289,0.0,0.0965913100169812,0.0,0.0,0.039723785995290035,0.0,0.09447540356081488,0.0,0.0,0.058203766536793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301293473774723,0.0,0.10550242659244226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054650028272936906,0.04450100277440682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041246757833252067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452085089376677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053379173823448256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05224226821020391,0.07381263652352213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043942450559540526,0.0,0.0,0.03991282469764326,0.04775936028798595,0.05398102644652473,0.049557521717215405,0.058719779698246176,0.043330431259414465,0.08263534690538754,0.05695595575868213,0.056909937079085135,0.0,0.045683267393531735,0.10998726503806497,0.0,0.0510041130371159,0.0,0.0,0.058225211809304823,0.0,0.03462698804627454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05960935641995881,0.05530370375649879,0.0,0.05580227565634181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05715476149301496,0.0,0.05678259143395644,0.0,0.0,0.05470107958809505,0.0,0.05282642825727237,0.0,0.07571622837184261,0.0,0.045617225735550535,0.0914359494755562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043919965324880704,0.3730054180723037,0.0,0.06896765714386545,0.05237570489440114,0.1556999448635082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480369606427608,0.0,0.06050422985389201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661130934771401,0.19921906414229396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039290187919810766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863171042562667,0.03581493139376374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883593249687492,0.05823952537389631,0.0,0.0525573673455621,0.0,0.0,0.2415537457628567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167454550750418,0.0,0.0,0.053115665311737344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245705139347254,0.08216511025817065,0.0,0.0,0.041166782127629205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605765605261072,0.0,0.0,0.15509362220202053,0.0,0.0,0.07954165434179665,0.0,0.0,0.07313122820631839,0.0,0.04125619428093474,0.0,0.0,0.05400683969332479,0.0,0.0,0.058623797438689014,0.0,0.05369510795360565,0.0,0.04152280562103263,0.1354608336386589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864196831129568,0.0,0.0,0.12303815521845868,0.060247382284950475,0.0,0.0,0.4936388412831106,0.0,0.07014826566975463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923628343072856,0.0,0.042625376807567235,0.09141221989996852,0.08201150446566635,0.041438989466521615,0.0,0.04644905250140639,0.04788986171386643,0.04661562500896713,0.0,0.0,0.04979894155795104,0.056023679511037185,0.07521901380726849,0.0,0.0,0.07339636692752073,0.0,0.0,0.03326771037541515 bpd,FalseComfortable,2018/02/09,"My BPD Girlfriend Hi guys, My girlfriend[26] of one year, who has BPD, broke up with me a few weeks back. She sprung it on me completely out of the blue, and gave me reasons that I know aren't true. Just a few days before everything was great, but she started a new job and became very stressed. She was very cold about the whole thing and didn't seem to care much about the fact she was breaking up with me. I mean, she even laughed and joked while she was doing it. I believe this is what you guys refer to as splitting? She wanted to remain friends but so far all my casual communications have been met with a passive aggressive tone. I haven't been begging, and haven't even mentioned the breakup. Anyway, I am going to her house tonight to leave off her things that were still in my apartment. She won't be there, but her parents will be. I had planned to leave her a dozen rainbow roses for valentines. My question is, should I leave a note? I have so much I want to say, like I'll always love her and want to be there for her, but I feel this might be too heavy for her right now. Any thoughts will be greatly appreciated.",4.034845132743364,5.077567473451332,3.911670353982302,92.1760011061947,71.16814159292034,6.7119469026548675,26.514380530973447,6.6274283507984215,0.8003283185840706,883,28,194,6,16,268,135,226,0.069,0.779,0.152,0.9743,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,1,14,13,1,1,10,0,29,1,0,1,3,31,43,14,0,4,5,1,1,1,2,5,0,1,0,2,10,10,0,0,8,2,0,1,5,3,0,2,12,4,35,10,25,21,6,21,0,1,1,1,29,9,0,3,11,140,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440250420317024,0.0,0.0,0.08532505736146756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647999098475503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676717371293146,0.14136363717734232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160544229927929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792675853164834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315546883292109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091886530315129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574574657515406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276587185075475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063442260595972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693912275786876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713084575647612,0.0,0.0,0.2766659803663881,0.0,0.2484734156353554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477749353212635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124511299830176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689559639442311,0.0,0.0,0.39856923502771296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129913390414815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324310633793692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667546259267765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310564362720947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447227022283275,0.0,0.0,0.12118134795338947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502286991107377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932147224014668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055701749421526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900580299756162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715214466896092,0.0,0.09978013044765706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422472162387635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880951376193395,0.0,0.10020186023461693,0.0,0.14372740632575454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671564197417815,0.0,0.0,0.0996105130199596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705458289416234,0.2220193753156134,0.0,0.10064582793345532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400846701508621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079965986837352 bpd,BlueeDream,2018/02/09,2nd hospital visit I've been dating my beautiful girlfriend for 7 months now. She's the love of my life. I'm writing this from the ER because she's overdosed on clonazapam/alcohol for the second time in our relationship. At least she didn't cut herself this time too. I don't even know why I'm posting this or what I want from it. Just venting really. I wish I could take away all her pain in life.,1.9031707317073163,4.0432755975609735,3.5172560975609737,88.10198170731708,79.60975609756099,7.0268292682926825,24.88414634146341,8.07648339933343,1.5207512195121955,317,12,66,6,8,105,61,82,0.041,0.7829999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.8722,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,4,4,0,0,1,8,11,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,2,0,12,1,10,8,2,12,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,5,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737375601865213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406535417213731,0.0,0.0,0.15614159180525333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450829048041266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691791651003679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076876963459714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618408897321899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23117786826508244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20444984668002594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725528087684776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453129270655981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409092024485758,0.0,0.0,0.2750003079067137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258666748935446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987165489909651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510790003288537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311280275361268,0.0,0.2945502930946356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RayDunq,2018/02/09,"How can I feel alive? I'm not even sure if I have BPD but I'm hoping y'all might be able to help me out. Does anyone have a strategy for feeling alive without doing anything stupid or dangerous? Or for reducing this urge? I don't mean ""smoke some weed"" or something, I need a serious strategy. I'm the kind of person that gets bored and drives off into the sunset on enough acid I can't tell red lights from green. I know that this isn't okay but I couldn't stop driving recklessly until I blew my motor. I just need to feel like something is happening. Sometimes I get extremely anxious just laying in bed but it seems like all I want to do is just sit around or chase that rush. I don't want to do anything but I'm ALWAYS bored. ",1.84699248120301,3.7555924210526337,3.1613909774436086,91.73473684210528,78.73684210526315,6.448120300751881,22.04135338345865,7.447530270364453,0.7201827067669173,576,17,125,8,14,187,97,152,0.11,0.6990000000000001,0.191,0.9156,0,0,3,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,6,11,2,0,4,1,15,0,0,1,2,36,33,12,0,7,14,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,6,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,0,7,15,6,16,30,3,12,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,9,4,75,21,0,0.1730321878297577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439766415939215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547712059349587,0.0,0.12098812892932495,0.0,0.284781494572002,0.1540353321226288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21792798329269025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142163361315794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878850444750466,0.0,0.11428612815612554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26247081960675034,0.12361422955904483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080435300172829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301179225027892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597982814030593,0.0,0.0,0.1718600048733391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018639671424075,0.09509396524858901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169069573560427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884827786706657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355980723746906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566023495857488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108503225033046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752200516572398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26641726355837986,0.1711332581852168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466265689416552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630807892777172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123775886560753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041177349827832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667968543998644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shoni1a,2018/02/09,"Too much Romance I'd love to hear if someone can empathize with it. ",0.23714285714285666,2.651867,1.4685714285714295,97.00142857142859,93.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,28.42857142857143,3.1291,0.5053999999999998,54,3,11,0,2,17,14,14,0.0,0.585,0.415,0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.616413774291104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936127977044044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40204598914764395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633999216841963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nothere917,2018/02/09,"Afraid of switching medications Hi all, I know this topic gets mentioned a lot, but I was looking for some support/experiences. I’ve been on Prozac 80mgs daily for about two years now. It was the first medication I was prescribed, even before I was officially diagnosed with BPD. It has definitely helped my overall mood, but now my psychiatrist wants to stop the Prozac and start something new (specifically Abilify). My anxiety has been out of control in the last few months, and she believes the Prozac may have something to do with that. I also take Buspar 30mgs twice a day, which is great, but if I don’t take it my anxiety is almost crippling. Does anyone have any experiences with Abilify, or any other antidepressants that have worked for them? I’m sincerely afraid to stop the Prozac because of how bad things were before I started taking it. I know I’m probably being a baby here, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Edit: I felt I should mention the meds I’m already on for reference. Prozac 40mg twice a day Lamictal 100mg twice a day Buspar 30mg twice a day Clonidine 0.2mg at night Ativan 0.5mg as needed ",5.743034591194968,7.206063712264153,6.341811320754719,74.76796855345911,67.5377358490566,9.238238993710693,31.11446540880503,9.558583805096642,2.97224427672956,905,36,159,19,15,295,130,212,0.069,0.843,0.087,0.7776,0,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,3,7,7,0,2,12,0,21,8,0,2,1,29,36,11,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,10,6,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,8,2,16,3,20,23,4,21,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,6,16,103,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821944322299033,0.0,0.0,0.1211431617712828,0.0,0.13350352069272986,0.0967469972795594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24680994924093816,0.0,0.1850974654185885,0.0,0.0,0.08459144746735914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101255233023132,0.07374777818281171,0.0,0.20588872358291266,0.13630209458263398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523690275526107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356884244542446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120862211045977,0.0,0.0,0.1227913093581806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058696855514767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990559976189153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366816816007524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615897375345853,0.0,0.0,0.10290481885863922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320662227014774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26675992056138703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108978646272852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297397417374496,0.09861416913952148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159203209343612,0.0,0.0,0.10285216273750353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343805833170553,0.2437475690649195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656441802690224,0.0,0.0,0.08970452046441488,0.0,0.1168424347321572,0.0,0.11353075421166164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043600529654112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627134871935247,0.0,0.0,0.17125935617277716,0.0,0.0,0.20228800378092893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372857266587758,0.0,0.0,0.2728838358331757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037318384876388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817906858887688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713566479982458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807427546711885,0.0,0.0,0.08594013018601337,0.0,0.0,0.0779066180067761 bpd,AlphaWolfxZac,2018/02/09,"Depression hit I need advice, recently I’ve been a little upset and I’ve been sleeping in my dorm all day. For the past two days I’ve missed like classes. I don’t won’t this to continue but I really feel like I cannot get up. What do I do because I really want to do well in these classes. But waking up and doing homework for the classes seem too overwhelming. I started off really well, no problems but recently I’ve gotten triggered a bit.",1.2871428571428574,3.6272718351648368,3.778780219780221,84.1787197802198,83.39560439560441,7.156483516483518,24.48461538461539,8.238735603445708,1.8994870329670333,351,14,68,8,10,122,57,91,0.142,0.723,0.136,-0.1474,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,2,4,0,9,2,2,1,1,12,18,5,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,2,1,3,1,8,4,9,13,2,13,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,1,9,44,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963861115102859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250979191745127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194078075550832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592187788563033,0.0,0.17309565432893992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016167568462603,0.14357341277014327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049988261737964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963681346253812,0.2014253043643477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490171284741371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918491458932109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923016903477092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862406728851648,0.0,0.396868378040078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295605569613269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011157049089767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224800126611545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196319041177513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853764701252205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613933495217335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Spitfire_1990,2018/02/09,"Emotional Impermanence Coping Strategies So I came across something in a BPD chat group that sounds a LOT like something I struggle with, a phenomenon common among borderlines called emotional impermanence. The concept is similar to object permanence, or knowing that a person or thing still exists when it is no longer in sight. Likewise, most people know that someone still feels something regardless of whether or not it’s being displayed right at that moment. I swear I probably tell my fiancé “I love you” , like 50 times a day. I am super affectionate, always wanting to show exactly what I’m feeling, especially if it’s something good, like warm fuzziness 😁 Not everybody needs that constant reminding though, and I forget that sometimes. And to someone who doesn’t know about/understand BPD, it can come off as a little insecure/obnoxious/stifling and I don’t necessarily blame them. I have considered having my fiancé and my girlfriend (yes, we’re poly) each record a nice message for me so I can watch/listen to it when I feel needy completely out of the fucking blue, as I tend to do. It could also help when my brain is being mean to me and telling me stupid, completely and utterly baseless shit like “they’re just humoring you” and “you’re going to die alone, who could ever stand to be around you?” ... and all sorts fun things like that 😂. Does anyone else struggle with this, especially in regards to your significant other/FP? I was recently diagnosed with BPD and the more I read about all this the more it makes soooo much sense. I want to improve my life and relationships so badly now that I have a road map. I’ve already made huge strides, it really important for me to improve in this too. Thanks for any advice/stories that show that others can relate 😁 ",5.428061538461539,7.558823206153848,5.659769230769233,76.74873076923079,69.24615384615385,8.815384615384616,31.26923076923077,9.367010060515213,3.0802923076923077,1422,61,240,31,26,451,197,325,0.093,0.727,0.18,0.9766,0,1,4,0,0,0,39.0,0,4,1,1,16,20,3,2,12,1,19,6,2,2,4,49,39,25,1,7,8,0,4,5,1,0,2,1,0,1,27,18,0,0,7,4,0,3,5,6,0,0,3,7,30,14,32,31,8,32,0,0,2,2,18,15,2,7,18,160,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029964098411978,0.10974150167275894,0.07952719680124022,0.08274731577506626,0.0,0.0,0.06762691679574298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953518847721164,0.10189452047725753,0.0,0.08852832047310714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303353441915183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37574752647595294,0.1110149968261712,0.10154582505340827,0.11374011247570755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856642105472646,0.20853517681306893,0.10746615732691336,0.0,0.15879961021695604,0.0,0.0,0.06413465798070954,0.0,0.0,0.10093593495819217,0.10320959340148544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702615641712091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307465078713899,0.2237274796763777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995490186879428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084916241480908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193653266765583,0.0,0.0,0.05651764294907625,0.08341086616243636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665678096403786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395931208594838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024188617860913,0.24292227608035635,0.09967135144347687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454571632671018,0.08975419843626828,0.09409852506861116,0.06638119968300421,0.0,0.0,0.10832621064194872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310449740825556,0.07373819605295033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894356604062188,0.08683270240297072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721996707775117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947324487786333,0.0,0.06370786757302814,0.0,0.09819125682660937,0.10676814519974592,0.0,0.08492662526220186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208023203766244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685211109583167,0.3062345834926745,0.09835496645773913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883594044731986,0.0,0.0,0.2079257993324179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738409571361206,0.09155682265510988,0.0,0.0,0.13213544997191085,0.0,0.09770551753859824,0.0,0.0579879566663128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352714011585427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173120478775269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Iloretex,2018/02/09,"In or out of love So yes I'm an idiot. I fell in love with this amazing girl. The only problem is that well. She has borderline amd I think I am her fp. Or at least was. We never truly had any relationship though we do loved each other. And yes I say loved. She would fall in love with someone else while breakung my heart. Love that person for a few months, breack up and than love me again. Repeat the previous paragraph times 6 and you have me. Only now. It's different she doesn't love me anymore. While I am still madly in love. .the sadness of her not poving me as I love her is so bad that she doesn't starts disliking me more of my sadness. Yet I'm still following her like a dog hoping this new boyfriend of hers breakes up so she would start loving me again. I can't belive I love someone so madly while she is constantly breaking my heart with a hammer. And yet she is everything I need ",0.8473024453024465,3.152290713513516,2.2608494208494214,94.54414414414416,85.10810810810811,5.253539253539254,19.62033462033462,6.655083550727371,0.13249292149292202,702,20,153,8,21,226,107,185,0.104,0.6,0.29600000000000004,0.9934,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,1,0,0,13,23,3,0,7,2,16,14,2,0,1,21,36,15,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,11,0,0,1,0,0,3,5,7,1,0,2,1,33,16,18,32,4,31,0,2,0,12,31,8,0,3,19,109,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055430406635584115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083720112084909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805844174657216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808464266064904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516184830781462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809214278019743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325700473687903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318231323021803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095900691676332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982225179552591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8828044132072163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506145689290414,0.0,0.0,0.06043951706588454,0.06286645733949725,0.07872401849375159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398587119942345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117243002517472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077995203736502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751251697639938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648209725946574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812833927226892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538808441881213,0.0,0.1301898886494051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052229081439473975,0.0800843336398506,0.0,0.047529832354898736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328835194843687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580642621198532,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theloveoflordjesus,2018/02/10,"Complete denial of any illness Does anyone else just totally deny they have any illness? Too depressed to move, nah just lazy. Extreme emotional states, just sensative. Inability to control temper, bad person. Scared of the outside world, procrastinating. I refuse to accept any or my actions are because I have an illness and instead just punish for being like this. ",5.314795081967212,8.94702398360656,5.180471311475412,71.50218237704921,79.65573770491805,5.67295081967213,33.85450819672131,7.1686216300943375,3.087277049180328,297,16,37,4,8,92,49,61,0.417,0.505,0.079,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,2,1,2,0,4,3,0,1,1,10,4,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,6,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,26,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143730852810128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629582582060274,0.2583379584858612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21051881560693825,0.15369668975330175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26435450894732104,0.0,0.2827863047583848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716002177986007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064149748551176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21062305986380706,0.2836133880706694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231784488103949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26797530319391005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201510244468992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524270701947625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catzinthecity,2018/02/10,"Tentative diagnosis of BPD and wondering where to go from here- How to cope? I had a meeting with the school psychiatrist and she suggested that I might potentially have BPD. She said I have a lot of borderline traits and am quite narcissistic. I never considered BPD before. I originally thought I was just depressed. My family doctor prescribed zoloft, and it pushed me into a hypomania complete with hallucinations. Doctor took me off and started me on low dose seroquel to help me sleep again, and because she suspected I could be bipolar. Pdoc said to keep taking the seroquel in case of an underlying mood disorder since I tolerate it, but that there is not enough longitudinal evidence to suggest anything but BPD right now. She basically told me all the shitty things about myself, and said I probably just am overestimating myself and can't accept failure, because I feel like I'm struggling in school even though I know I am objectively fine. She pointed out my emotional volatility and unstable relationships. Suggested I quit drinking and using other drugs because they compound the problem and that I work on improving my self esteem. It was a lot of information, and I honestly now feel a lot worse about myself and like I have done this to myself. I don't even know how to begin to live with something like this. Looking for some experiences from others since I don't know anyone with BPD and it seems like it is poorly understood by most people so I don't feel like talking with my friends or family much. How can I begin to cope with this? The doctor didn't give me anything to get me through until I can get in to see a psychologist. I would appreciate hearing about any coping mechanisms that help other people, since I feel like I have nothing to go on.",8.336270085470087,8.44995212615385,8.516282051282051,66.16399572649574,61.58461538461539,11.77606837606838,37.440170940170944,11.319583603955671,4.476411965811966,1431,63,237,37,18,470,172,325,0.086,0.773,0.141,0.9637,0,0,3,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,3,19,15,0,1,12,0,24,9,1,5,2,59,55,23,0,3,6,0,4,6,1,2,7,4,0,1,16,22,1,1,14,1,1,4,7,4,0,0,12,10,45,10,41,39,8,27,0,2,2,0,23,14,0,9,15,180,61,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054393551814609364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592840922790567,0.0,0.13164412169942288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627705428903942,0.0,0.06806260640237617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503700881221396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386430642261973,0.0,0.0,0.06386269872811576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889224126272847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167144010035977,0.24560866635754824,0.0,0.08185394360711659,0.0,0.07835630291874861,0.09275892714120164,0.0,0.0,0.08997402835090554,0.0,0.08264741946564345,0.0,0.10566063631453376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824212932651099,0.15080827656056658,0.0,0.16177427806905134,0.1714270799544905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179735894293247,0.0,0.08357927289523043,0.07673032367618332,0.09091632402746737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015058044539608,0.0,0.10722650805191504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071095661928581,0.0,0.0,0.13187543895238085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344641341696916,0.0,0.07062953058611883,0.0,0.06716850125313979,0.0,0.0,0.20400494446360712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485301911702132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879926893114304,0.0,0.061690507291023024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674918842133649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090511321227564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756130810756774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623895796431591,0.0765362625539348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015094243310522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587554945929002,0.0,0.0683080200978537,0.228256388347208,0.0,0.0,0.161901183692489,0.0637388716769228,0.07281669073876831,0.08344334697235851,0.0,0.0,0.19849693778745195,0.0,0.08004424904846646,0.0,0.0,0.06157750298947037,0.0,0.0,0.05661484489808882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361923976026868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601398813516679,0.06429010581734353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053139465653166434,0.0,0.07858631418700893,0.06350033353364982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643051298433136,0.08886792654897863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908264047555132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674192964979008,0.058231112816423077,0.0,0.0815130603945282,0.056820103143376315,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ForgotPasswordBPD,2018/02/10,"What's the point of being alive if you can't sustain relationships? Serious question. Everyone says human connection is essential. Being loved, accepted, supported is essential. My BPD behaviors have ended a lot of relationships and all I really wanted was a friend who would help me and love me even if I was sad or said shitty things sometimes. I'm here so family isn't great, in fact they overtly continue to hurt and exclude me from family events even knowing I'm in the worst depression of my life. It occurs to me. If one can't keep romantic relationships, friendships, and their family is toxic, why would one want to be alive? What joy is there in a life of loneliness, which they say can kill you too? ",4.730341763499663,6.8630703458646645,5.893875598086126,74.34167464114833,71.10526315789474,10.550649350649351,28.632262474367728,10.637119530657019,3.6222390977443606,568,22,99,19,11,189,88,133,0.202,0.601,0.197,-0.5954,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,3,0,6,13,1,0,5,0,16,4,0,0,2,19,26,9,1,7,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,3,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,3,3,13,7,11,18,3,7,0,3,0,2,18,4,0,6,3,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770469635317336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107544954939795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450608805754552,0.0,0.0,0.1856944818019548,0.0,0.0,0.1343236705506265,0.0,0.0,0.3975595701127007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860646827335814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549823959828469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422322040944717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048646626566725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494787615034318,0.15552336467754455,0.0,0.0772553278522428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858194853283134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951026660624448,0.2537455154486497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905120112665213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328870655860868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747410154734667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005476054098477,0.0,0.0,0.4527688705800703,0.0,0.0,0.133717258165866,0.22357882480209176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903044144767754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952074664774854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933905556684614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582737395931768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684540462700178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997182674110313,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kymiikat,2018/02/10,"I tried going back to therapy but was pretty much told to leave. But should I try again? 2 years ago I was able to afford health insurance again and I needed to start seeing a therapist again and when I went I was just bombarded with, “why did you come in today?” “Why do you think you need help?” But before that he read my file and told me he knew immediately I had BPD. Everything I said was wrong and he ended the session with a 40 minute lecture on why I shouldn’t waste a psychologist times with this again. I still suffer from BPD, on top of agoraphobia that I’ve had since I was a child, and a eating disorder that is slightly under control. But I never leave the house without an escort (usually my dad or boyfriend sometimes my sisters). I still lash out and attack them unprovoked, I still dip low and have days where I don’t leave my bed and days where I can’t even explain my situation anymore, it’s so hard to voice this and not expect backlash. The reason my mind has been changed is because I watched a video on BPD on YouTube and in the comments a lot of people came forward to voice the stigmas their illness has brought them and apparently Doctors are just awful at dealing with BPD. A lot of people have been told the exact same thing as me and just had to go out and try again and meet a new doctor in hopes they will help. I’m moving again and will have the opportunity to meet a new doctor but should I? Or should I just continue with how things are? I feel like a burden to my loved ones but sometimes I don’t want to get better, I’m terrified Of change. And will i just rejected again? I don’t know if I could handle that.. EDIT: I was diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago but I had to stop seeing that psychologist because I didn’t have health insurance anymore and I ended up moving and wasn’t able to continue seeing them. 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I know my emotions are too strong right now and they're not reasonable. So, I thought it would help to hear about times when other people saught help. ",2.5478571428571435,4.7607673571428615,2.5526190476190465,95.4632142857143,77.80952380952381,6.104761904761905,20.02380952380953,7.1686216300943375,0.2344095238095241,167,4,36,2,4,50,36,42,0.0,0.805,0.195,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,8,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142406392728139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587658366884609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148572599138426,0.0,0.3744961413288349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070561805469577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936719646392188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872269987325621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771411549851704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177939311361505,0.32579230051319186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984482173642956,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beepeedeetree,2018/02/10,"How can I tell the difference between when anger is appropriate or inappropriate? I think anger can be healthy for self respect and earning respect from others in some cases. But in which cases? How do I know when my anger is justified? I find I am either very forgiving or very unforgiving with someone, depending on whether are currently split black or white. This leads to being abused by the people who are split white (who often know this is the case and do anything because they know they can get away with it) or abusing the people split black (being insulting, grudge bearing and broody). I don’t want to be angry, I really don’t. Disappointment HURTS though, and often comes from a place of trying to hurt people who’ve hurt me (which is always perceive is intentional on their end and am caught off guard when it isn’t).",8.472467532467531,7.97609842207792,7.855162337662339,73.03131493506496,61.532467532467535,10.816883116883119,34.185064935064936,10.125756701596842,3.2828857142857144,663,23,118,12,8,208,92,154,0.21600000000000005,0.6940000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9772,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,3,2,8,11,4,0,5,0,21,0,0,5,0,32,29,17,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,1,7,0,0,3,3,8,0,0,1,4,12,3,17,24,2,15,0,4,4,0,9,7,0,8,5,85,21,2,0.0,0.3828844510803456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444493870500246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329640355483477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180683242584958,0.0,0.0,0.09849578897670692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918420710523874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688134885019036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143109190002965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767837503963455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441727035651747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189142947869607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26639534415147675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33605126971002125,0.0,0.1688134885019036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351031052372918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685599631776711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690359754314135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122534735819942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353196430376872,0.15874850070454585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970012054051498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666357566636817,0.09530225203392577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HighYou_CantSustain,2018/02/10,"My mum called mental health services Because I bought some equipment to kill myself. I went into my sisters amazon account and ordered them last night so it'll arrive today. My sister saw the email and called my mother to tell her. I don't want to die as such. I just want to give up and stop hurting. It was a cry for help. My mum called me an attention seeker and I guess I am. I'm so frightened they'll admit me to hospital. A nurse is arriving shortly to assess me. Mum wants me to leave her house and has said for days she wants me out. She says I obviously need help and I'm letting my mental illnesd consume me and she doesn't want me around anymore. That I'm lazy, dirty and disgusting. I've been crying for days and I'm so god damn depressed. I feel completely ruined. All my family are going to find out and I feel sick with guilt and shame. I just see no way out anymore. I'm better off dead for everyone. I wish i had the guts to end it. Last night I had an episode of calmness when I made up my mind about killing myself. Right now I just feel hopeless",0.7857013574660598,3.067945253393664,2.3806769230769262,93.73932307692309,85.15384615384616,4.983963800904977,20.604705882352945,6.360717304075467,0.1808308054298644,835,26,179,8,25,272,129,221,0.261,0.6459999999999999,0.093,-0.9907,0,0,0,0,0,4,20.0,0,0,2,1,11,12,4,2,6,0,13,3,1,1,2,40,38,16,4,7,3,6,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,17,0,1,6,0,2,2,3,10,0,0,9,7,39,2,25,26,2,25,0,4,2,0,24,10,1,2,11,108,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933824083334306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293093427746992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048404346085453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226108557934656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541987441600328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123081328311795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254017686743793,0.14913736599184188,0.0,0.09958780789397556,0.0,0.12000069377165977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240960017287752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048482535637193,0.0,0.0,0.10900114003883132,0.0,0.1753907127047198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567933017911632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091821943729384,0.06571246083535577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737418398603562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290417154150447,0.0,0.0,0.1550022569928075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341594669791654,0.12377915877152346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25584428589237523,0.0,0.0,0.18849992649964573,0.0,0.12243038269408685,0.0,0.11823459201538608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940735176814234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330459951179668,0.0,0.11674848224002113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573461431442235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701281885840987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874328165896364,0.10998603488891703,0.0919497930274761,0.0,0.0,0.09213830747257576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666783733308193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010615136381479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959916171366453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409936680574788,0.09177789499454933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718571079302074,0.0,0.0,0.1329632637906234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Botanicalstorm,2018/02/10,"Feeling helpless and wanting to give up I’m in a really dark place atm with my mh and wanting to just give in to the dark thoughts to stop the recurring traumas and badness from taking over. I hate this. I don’t want todo something silly but I feel like it’s my only escape from the tournament inside my head. I’ve been abused my whole life and the man who I thought would never hurt me, did over a year ago. I’m trying to forgive him for what he did but it’s hard. I love him execpt the really bad thing he did to me when he was drunk. He’s completely heart broken over what he did and it kills him every day. I’ve thought of leaving him many times but he’s amazing despite this thing he’s done. Every time I close my eyes or go to sleep I can see all the bad things that have happened before we were together and when we try to have sex all I can see is what he did to me or my previous partners have done. This guy is my best friend but I’m struggling to deal with what he’s done. Sorry for rambling:( I’m at such a loss. I don’t see an escape from this",0.8045891226677249,2.6166478253275116,2.536794362842397,95.41475089321159,81.66375545851528,5.386343787217151,20.452759031361648,6.351523495107088,0.017889082969432483,828,23,192,7,22,273,121,229,0.173,0.68,0.147,-0.7771,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,2,0,0,2,4,17,2,1,10,0,21,8,4,0,3,32,43,14,1,4,7,0,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,3,16,11,1,1,6,1,1,1,3,10,0,0,14,7,25,7,25,28,4,20,0,3,4,2,25,9,0,2,11,118,41,0,0.0,0.1356375928005568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147775179613557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28675279609409576,0.0,0.0,0.09741226182569387,0.0,0.12013749409124486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002790088252108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382877545061321,0.1180216889451941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514519149759002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19290513751331315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576693257059045,0.08178303515549765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844534212952447,0.0,0.0,0.21963526743970424,0.0650604291292912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133511199129181,0.10123242954673768,0.0,0.10254971330309348,0.11302322653818635,0.11748735302445555,0.0,0.0,0.1356568635550159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255096042005326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665283584600728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121556756941552,0.0,0.0,0.0808591267995516,0.055928119794707236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332077492475496,0.0,0.0,0.11606262332352155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829241438193314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706560207717304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960504088403325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466749491640296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27367219613484906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456057530112525,0.0,0.0,0.08813068086639307,0.0,0.1281486374238027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957086509916088,0.0,0.11967715766036828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607313439866025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816209142277274,0.0,0.0,0.272647997622796,0.13350596904546658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554459601382352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256609561260733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781048792386426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132181614737972,0.0,0.0,0.07372001476490997 bpd,imdanisaurusrex,2018/02/10,"18f, in a really good place in life, but I can't enjoy it at all- send help so, I'm in a really good place right now. I have a loving boyfriend who understands my mental illnesses, I'm eating well and sleeping okay, and my career is going well. I'm even goin on vacation soon! so everything seems cool beans except I am insecure af and I feel like this is all going to come crashing down on me and that my boyfriend is going to leave me again. okay that sounds really dramatic, but for some background: my boyfriend and I have broken up 3 times before, but each time it gets better and better because we are actively trying to better ourselves & live healthy lives. and like, fuck it is going really good. There's talk about moving in together, finances and college, getting engaged- the whole shit. And it's making me shit my pants. I've realized, many things at this point. 1) my BPD is The Worst™ Everything is going well and I know he wants to be with me (bc, Jesus Christ we talk about engagement???) it doesn't Register in my emotions. 2) I have a history of trauma with going on vacation. While I love going, something really bad always happens when I leave and I really don't want to get all freaky this time and do the whole break up make up things. 3) I am really controlling and manipulative. I hate it, I actively try not to, but I catch myself being controlling everyone sometimes and I know that it's because I don't think people will care about my needs so I manipulate them to meet them; but my boyfriend has proven again and again to actually care so I don't want to do that to him and maybe if I can stop doing that with him, I can do it elsewhere. 4) I am afraid of having anything good. I think, I personally fixate on us breaking up because the alternative is far more scary. The alternative is that we live happy ever after, and then one of us dies. That is fucking terrifying. Getting everything right, and coping with all my shit and then one day my favourite person just doesn't exist in the world anymore. That is so much worse than him leaving me. 5: I fixate on all the negatives. Sometimes, he'll give me one sign of coldness and my mind will freak out and I'll go into ""I am being abandoned"" mode. But, I know that he could just be tired or just annoyed with me or mad or anything but that doesn't decrease his love for me. It gets really bad in texting, sometimes he doesn't text me or texts in a way that feels cold and I will flip. There are always reasonable answers to why he doesn't text, but I always get really hurt about it and feel like he's going to break up with me. I really want to be better, I am not sure how to cope with these? Kindly give me any suggestions you can!",3.1020008200082003,4.849851036900372,4.434270602706028,84.72354202542027,74.60885608856087,7.696006560065602,24.22156621566216,8.447377352677275,1.5343661664616648,2130,66,427,39,45,704,239,542,0.172,0.662,0.166,-0.6942,0,0,1,0,0,0,69.0,5,1,2,6,26,44,8,2,12,3,47,13,4,8,7,94,95,46,1,7,19,0,3,3,0,4,3,1,0,2,28,37,1,4,13,0,1,13,12,16,3,3,0,7,66,28,57,85,11,63,2,2,0,5,32,30,5,7,19,288,94,3,0.0,0.0,0.058417580306927334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943224949958175,0.06486145515710963,0.0,0.04070884237090862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936793680350755,0.0,0.0,0.09852417465923123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996608523136002,0.10947565192707233,0.0,0.05093894079267208,0.0,0.0,0.21177557285073828,0.0,0.0,0.07539525951758932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206848513501167,0.0,0.0,0.051566610001307085,0.0,0.0,0.13428272319619852,0.047795675207321656,0.0,0.0,0.03860663484237376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212826590389706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125471794896677,0.0,0.06733773426115769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03953889794877286,0.054149443656106695,0.0,0.057201591027029625,0.16140281333336218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080548198102413,0.08553217238883754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068462067550852,0.18765544805918968,0.11485194650457033,0.3061933227629659,0.20084072813098133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293658763623402,0.06372519772284949,0.0,0.0591022458253492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040124857346564895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408450024589832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233802532630126,0.09869729550304802,0.0,0.0,0.19015858487971046,0.0,0.0,0.042282954890829866,0.08773800534369544,0.0,0.15858018081782965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208588337562507,0.0,0.07991793570743816,0.0606916109626731,0.060140355148873885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060327749354840574,0.0,0.060444490115085035,0.0,0.0,0.06362481643683318,0.04400613842245295,0.04438760100362391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169400347904932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041501415344913035,0.10453999567772898,0.1250880326954875,0.0,0.0565898143437977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834972318271325,0.06154905793865732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224522319520657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054496959407228034,0.0,0.0,0.1843452994208616,0.0,0.0,0.05990615814752848,0.0,0.0,0.046085404963741035,0.17761789309502346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004808650200284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05642009917291425,0.0,0.0,0.09623110447530417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954053591948179,0.07671549146211634,0.0,0.0,0.1047196604187908,0.06880362708209027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812859943043954,0.0,0.0,0.062319416998063974,0.1440154581600014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123481866484702,0.04751640415655604,0.0,0.0,0.16147187878524308,0.0,0.05401697950471921,0.133669637785148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100543568254265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pumpkinkin,2018/02/10,"never going to end. it’s 3 am. i have work in a few hours. i have to mentally prepare myself for everything because of my anxiety. i’m on new meds. i thought they would actually work, for once. but no. it’s giving me major depersonalization. fuck paxil. i needed something to help the anxiety wellbutrin gave me. i’m in so much pain. i’ve been on every antidepressant. i’ve tried everything. nothing treats my depression, anxiety, none of my symptoms. it must be nice to be someone who just has depression or anxiety. those two are just symptoms for me. and they’re the least serious ones. i’ve read everything about bpd on the internet. the 9 symptoms. all i do is research my illnesses. i need to stop. i don’t think it’s doing me any good. no ones going to ever understand. no one can help me. my brain hates me. i can’t live a normal life. i can’t function. bpd, ptsd. i have support. i have a somewhat decent life. but trauma. but my past. my brain is stopping me from being happy and i can’t take it anymore. i don’t want to die. but i don’t know what to do. i don’t think it’s possible for anything to be worse than bpd. it’s like all of the symptoms take turns. then all at once. it’s a fucking cycle. my biggest one lately... identity. i know this is a disaster of a post. but this is what i need help with the most: how do i fix my inability to have a stable identity? i don’t know who i am. i mean i know who i am. but i don’t. i know you know what i’m talking about. i’m getting better at my relationships. but i think it’s because i’m holding it all in. i’m in a loving relationship. my boyfriend accepts me. and he knows what i’ve been through. so i’m doing everything i can to keep him in my life, because god knows what would happen if i fucked that up. i stopped seeing the therapist i used to see, i switched colleges & he worked at the health center. there’s no way to get him back, and we had just started EMDR. i’m holding it all in to make things easier for everyone else, i per that to them. but i’m going insane again. why isn’t there a cure? i’m only 21 and refuse to live like this until i die. even though it seems like that’s what the future holds for me. before i turned 18, before the rape, before i remembered how my parents traumatized me, i was healthy. i was smart. i got accepted to universities. on the varsity swim team. perfect relationship. i was attractive, glowing, amazing. then i graduated high school. got raped. boyfriend of 3 years dumped me on the anniversary of my rape. through text. haven’t seen him since then. been in the hospital 3 times. tried to kill myself. got diagnosed with bipolar. got diagnosed with bpd, bipolar was wrong. then got diagnosed with ptsd. and major depressive. did drugs. got addicted to xanax. coke became my best friend. slept with 20 people. i’m in my 4th year of community college. i can’t finish my 2 year degree. in psych. haha. the only thing i have going for me is my current boyfriend. whatever it takes to hold it together, i’ll do it. i’m so fucked up and scatterbrained. i’m sure this is a mess like me. at least i made it through my xanax withdrawal last summer. it was hell. but i miss how 10 xans made me feel. fuck bpd. amirite. ",-0.040768348623853264,2.3056318822630004,2.258923929663609,91.00104644495414,94.85626911314985,5.660779816513762,21.18558868501529,7.1686216300943375,0.9184230886850157,2497,94,526,48,96,842,280,654,0.196,0.647,0.156,-0.9892,2,0,2,0,0,3,114.0,1,1,2,7,18,42,12,0,24,1,54,32,3,7,10,81,126,30,3,9,14,1,1,4,1,3,19,0,0,0,36,13,1,9,19,3,0,5,18,21,0,5,22,5,86,21,67,97,15,57,1,4,4,9,26,23,6,5,31,328,122,11,0.0,0.0,0.05330725987622737,0.059550586052750126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918743001411681,0.0,0.03714766733104601,0.0,0.1671554754661166,0.0,0.05417447999168044,0.0,0.0,0.04495268166753947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200415118411066,0.0,0.09989881465021624,0.0,0.1394485362311075,0.0,0.057326792963958526,0.04831240629138366,0.0,0.0,0.3439987304697675,0.1219617384986368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411483149054427,0.16633323140695286,0.11338667568213752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334901201470364,0.0,0.045633153739720995,0.0,0.048382570785944,0.0,0.0,0.036080068655718174,0.0494124962034231,0.04602490239854088,0.05219764430828288,0.19637790929626414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02762063178422177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04220404175431548,0.25250505959210817,0.05707983615162322,0.052402397766581885,0.1241812401383518,0.045817837849316784,0.26213721962278835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048305739800571325,0.05815057141750667,0.0,0.05393203143518353,0.0,0.05806506196153975,0.0,0.0,0.10984430646554404,0.05771554549018593,0.0,0.0,0.05379577170252019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04855424788226632,0.06043576115652815,0.0,0.2401689059044161,0.044527617633594425,0.061620696653223936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575223346419478,0.10675034529684954,0.0,0.09647181397175776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04930224920863265,0.10337720160002628,0.03646339120128575,0.0,0.0,0.05950391096956291,0.060677357863811864,0.0,0.05505032895422822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040156518717649727,0.12151383382624707,0.04213106822185647,0.05275829328106789,0.0,0.0,0.053522046233341065,0.05241528130247641,0.0,0.0,0.11635017185340098,0.14806442021397065,0.08309132435823355,0.05812609399533035,0.0,0.06065589479680504,0.0,0.052146858267193695,0.037870906692795435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061582796488382115,0.05231676870737032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771013388948227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464095044024174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594418290925154,0.06188079940894495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528459818922698,0.08705996656297094,0.049729611571070566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518733051478555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628457472817918,0.04205389278357359,0.0,0.0,0.03866468274476801,0.0,0.0,0.13700976689480246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198912789665464,0.05148451669944313,0.22711001741856274,0.1232162396782646,0.04390644449401405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634251911545218,0.07258239722831196,0.10500672789981837,0.053669932534319,0.04336707544964776,0.031852957749848185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417516439256057,0.11883516858585152,0.053361828470863217,0.05686776719947155,0.0,0.04717947001296526,0.0,0.0,0.03221992909746578,0.04335970937942145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929161990376816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930550230993198,0.0,0.055668731856155625,0.07760972464088843,0.05972513915543436,0.0,0.10553238326708053 bpd,HigHog,2018/02/10,"Sometimes doctors don't think to rule out biological causes - I was given a false diagnosis of BPD for ~3 years [Disclaimer: I am 100% not trying to invalidate anyone else's diagnosis. It just never occurred to me that my ""BPD"" might actually have a biological basis, and I don't know if my story could help someone else.] I was initially diagnosed with BPD due to 2 years of emotional instability, feeling empty and suicidal, acting impulsively, etc. I was on a waiting list for counselling for about 2 years, and then received some 1-2-1 sessions and group mindfullness. The mindfullness and an exercise routine helped me regulate my moods somewhat. The therapist was less helpful. She seemed stumped that I hadn't experienced any trauma as a child, so suggested the BPD had been caused by an unstable childhood because I'd moved twice. This didn't ring very true to me, as I'd always been surrounded by loving stable family members. During this time I also saw multiple doctors about menstrual problems. I was bleeding pretty much constantly for 5 years and suffered from horrendous cramps. I had a laparoscopy to rule out endometriosis and PCOS and tried 4 different types of birth control. After 5 years my gynaecologist finally figured out that all the birth control I'd been on were progesterone-based and switched me to a copper coil. All the symptoms started clearing up almost immediately - including the emotional ones. I have a progesterone intolerance that causes mood swings, not BPD. It just took far too long for a doctor to realise that my menstrual and mental issues could have a common cause - hormones. It worries me that not a single doctor in 5 years thought of ruling out a biological cause for emotional instability, instead prescribing anti-psychotics and referrals to therapists.",9.294604188853393,9.999613968051118,9.28751331203408,59.44725860844871,59.479233226837074,12.450763223287186,41.98952786652468,11.958738252310605,5.687502094426696,1464,77,210,43,18,480,184,313,0.079,0.845,0.076,-0.5733,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,19,0,22,10,0,7,5,48,33,17,1,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,9,1,0,1,11,16,0,3,6,1,0,4,8,3,0,2,17,4,21,2,36,13,8,33,0,1,1,1,9,10,0,6,19,142,32,9,0.0,0.0,0.07649529986889854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849417624649488,0.0,0.0,0.0626867892891754,0.06522502686974559,0.0,0.0,0.053306471923642906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054810654512923634,0.08031768491530432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778454692637277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4936341898440038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026299209956897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470949097962588,0.17583742983081785,0.1251727472521484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956208619101524,0.0,0.0818986897503971,0.0,0.32093342049110435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096609307582174,0.2645275693242965,0.0,0.0,0.08742324890205483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389715225555134,0.0,0.039635286372029586,0.0,0.0,0.08587013202983948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576253062243807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181662003034705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043079949426683466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937084024721278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074815599567874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899658378638877,0.08315719290798286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331395081528283,0.057624138778281674,0.0,0.06045759442355372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531176815807094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974869304370809,0.0,0.07500665051029244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136141603086484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641782810366204,0.0,0.07752765476305655,0.0,0.055483371453797815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574365885091532,0.0,0.0,0.08147506046081368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202882788845084,0.0,0.0502278123567592,0.0,0.062231250464955035,0.045708625062392434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709186058747377,0.10644050090378282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467824136906868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960673524251967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028754928555211 bpd,TheOnlyLonelyPickle,2018/02/10,"Fucked up, advice please. I'm newly diagnosed bpd and trying to adjust is hard. I've always avoided social interaction but my therapist wants me to work on my shut in tendencies. Just little things mostly. Went on a car ride today and was talking to a trusted friend of 6 years. Had what I guess I would call an episode? Correct me if wrong. I told her about the feelings I have even though I told myself I wouldn't. It was like I lost control. I said some heavy shit. I want to explain but wtf do I say. The feelings are real but I never should have said anything. She is happily married and I'm worried I ruined our friendship. I want to take it back. I want to suffocate so I can't say anymore stupid shit. Why do I ruin everything I enjoy? Help me understand what bpd does to the brain.",0.6921293800539061,3.18218272327044,2.502479784366578,90.60660377358492,89.69182389937107,5.04115004492363,21.407906558849948,6.655083550727371,0.6294963162623546,619,22,123,8,21,204,106,159,0.227,0.589,0.184,-0.8796,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,3,6,13,4,1,6,0,14,5,3,1,2,28,33,9,0,8,5,0,3,1,1,3,1,4,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,0,0,3,3,9,0,0,9,7,26,4,13,21,2,13,0,3,0,1,16,6,3,4,5,79,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649118108525612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770777959801073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837366780934495,0.0,0.0,0.1065213846891406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953444779812576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260603794180878,0.14450231645858522,0.13217679922913358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518245561722584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138293773236778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327731886937766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549654281607902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633592282271905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090155401201609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000811520871533,0.11966889445079715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259716236676054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595640082003765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676358629328261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323980113780116,0.12973689663471474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130341972184862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099835194674615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209064340783836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733561370968276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462617774548497,0.20587813253220155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26574481675064426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195185925071476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732578035268814,0.10404218593384906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502944637634763,0.08599684345861881,0.0,0.12717807520383562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269777885177785,0.24737858312219674,0.0,0.08788398074975924,0.0,0.0,0.13475577165937233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053977057414423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999588713380635,0.11680307850269316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423677546890634,0.1314566678698548,0.0,0.09195330542493596,0.14152669624118352,0.0,0.08335769360245616 bpd,nova-ok,2018/02/10,"How do I show my boyfriend with BPD that I care about him? I really, really do. I just wish I knew how to help him see that. Anything you can think of, please.",-0.5564705882352925,1.4707548235294112,1.26029411764706,101.16632352941177,89.0,5.752941176470588,14.382352941176471,7.1686216300943375,-0.5340941176470584,120,2,31,2,4,39,25,34,0.0,0.691,0.309,0.8797,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,1,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,21,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748131622898942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42059950791487577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404852314867517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238402701058756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665778393762712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427875036243038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661156557574073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139822726579141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840270904240186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,unseentides,2018/02/10,"Physically ill over friendships lost. Lashed out at my friends who moderate our RPG about the hypocrisy of the rules. Lashed out at one friend in particular. Shouldn't have. She told everyone. No one will talk to me, except her. I wrote an apology, owning it all, she seemed to accept it. Got an email from the mods anyway. One more strike and I'm out. Crying myself sick. Why can't I control this rage? Why can't I keep a friend? Why am I always the psycho one?",0.452967032967031,2.9082557802197826,1.5977472527472545,95.18475274725277,95.5934065934066,4.797802197802199,16.39010989010989,6.5431188927421005,-0.173254945054945,360,9,76,5,14,113,67,91,0.193,0.6559999999999999,0.151,-0.6579,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,7,0,6,2,0,1,1,12,13,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,4,0,11,4,13,7,3,7,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,1,0,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541783121444434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078214409728939,0.0,0.0,0.2035352540452208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705504908193564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42946988029576505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819544349676722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469660376161788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226879464289735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5022363276289262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868345179600971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489311977181959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705504908193564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5015933360811596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,butternut634,2018/02/10,"I hate myself lol!!! I don’t know if I’ve been lead on by myself (aka projections, reading into things that shouldn’t be taken at more than face value) or by this boy that I’m attracted to. When I’m with him irl I feel like there might be something there but recently he’s been ignoring my messages, doesn’t hmu as often etc but irl stuff feels the same. I feel so disgusted with myself for feeling excited and hopeful and just not being chill about any of this. I thought that maybe if I talked to a friend about my feelings it would help but now I just feel even more disgusted with myself. (They told me it’s not that serious and I should get over it which is fair but lol my feelings have been invalidated for almost a quarter of century, give me afucking break) Idk it’s like one end, I’m desperate to have someone like me/be attracted to me because it’s something I haven’t really experienced but I also realize that I’m damaged goods and I probably shouldn’t be trying to rope someone in to my madness. But I’m lonely. But I don’t want to hurt people. But I’m lonely. But I don’t want to worry people. And the thought cycle continues. Nights like these when I just wanna hurt myself so fucking badly sorta just reinforce that I shouldnt hope and wish for companionship. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it. ",1.6429988376598246,4.0425401086142365,3.424659692625596,86.9079775280899,82.37078651685394,6.529200568255199,23.439106289551848,7.753152298057669,1.3398612682422837,1047,38,208,19,29,349,136,267,0.204,0.64,0.156,-0.9707,0,4,2,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,1,1,16,24,5,0,4,2,23,2,1,1,0,57,50,24,0,13,18,0,7,4,1,6,0,0,0,1,19,10,0,1,11,1,0,1,12,13,0,2,7,8,31,11,28,33,4,14,0,5,0,1,11,5,1,9,11,145,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838995032481154,0.0,0.0,0.102534406343535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719137660321763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705512705988453,0.07815937308399468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356144957461295,0.0,0.14299489618848849,0.08468555578458953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538095543170003,0.09159764095595936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905947703216997,0.11853376175097492,0.06698764482294611,0.12299661127736805,0.0,0.10754162083620793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658690038153864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594058057899613,0.0,0.0,0.2546951281779146,0.0,0.0,0.2745160741471803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046424118801133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505597316879773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881035297097992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360170700190442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032216825488985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688257939162679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777786466808349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823869210387074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825084399878833,0.0,0.0821385468588667,0.0,0.12659797694120362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172742503630472,0.1974141078979374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467768127429771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305528212767197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851811107693567,0.0,0.0,0.2035785974938049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251602293424915,0.0,0.08705034740838483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125041080133975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744224126200464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020972092517408,0.0,0.09108107204863862,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Themanwhocantstop,2018/02/10,"Do any of your family members also suffer from any of the Cluster-b disorders? If so how has it affected you in your development, daily life, and external relationships? ",7.421999999999998,8.8820352,9.533333333333337,53.430000000000035,63.66666666666666,14.0,38.33333333333333,13.023866798666859,6.458333333333334,136,7,19,6,2,49,27,30,0.168,0.8320000000000001,0.0,-0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175237207820314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5400202977018871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4550579684746821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374306915467286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804507885512708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262871079128847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thrthrthrowaway2120,2018/02/10,"Girlfriend with BPD; to keep trying to work things out or just end it? First, throwaway. I'll [25M] start by saying I really love my girlfriend [25F]. I really do, which doesn't make this easy. Essentially I am just at the end of my rope with her. Long backstory short, I've always known she's had anger problems. She was able to conceal it pretty well for the first year we were together. But then not only did the anger come out more often with a vengeance, but other behaviors that scream borderline. (My dad is quiet borderline and his mother is borderline who has really improved over the years, so I have a pretty good idea of what BPD can look like.) She hasn't been diagnosed directly by a professional, but after experiencing a lot of turbulence in our relationship and talking about it with my therapist for several months, my therapist and I sat down and went through the DSM-TR-IV and DSM-V criteria, based off of which she said (assuming my descriptions of her behavior are accurate) my girlfriend is definitely borderline. With this realization, I knew what she was dealing with, and so I've tried over the past 3 years to be understanding. But tonight I just lost it. We were at Walmart, and the guy at the self checkout was closing them down. We were going to be the last customers he would take, so he just asked us to move up so he could close the lane with a rope. My girlfriend flipped completely out on him, using a horrific tone with him and telling him how rude and condescending he was to her and how he would dare talk to her like that. We finally walk - me completely embarrassed - up to the self checkout. We're standing there, and quietly (but not as quietly as she thought) she leans over and starts talking about the guy to me. He hears, and he comes over and apologized profusely, letting us know he sincerely did not intend to be rude at all and that he felt bad about it. She doesn't accept his apology and goes off on him again and just yelling in the middle of the Walmart. I'm watching in horror, and then - we'll call my girlfriend Emily - I just scream out ""EMILY, NO. STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. YOU CANNOT DO THAT. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING."" It just burned me to my core. I thought about my grandmother doing that to other people and my dad doing similar to me, and I just couldn't stand by and let it happen. Needless to say, I got a nice screaming at that lasted a good 45 minutes in the car and back at her apartment, followed by me apologizing to quiet her down then just getting out of there as diplomatically and quickly as possible. An hour later, after getting back to my own apartment, I get a call with her crying and saying how sorry she is and begging me not to leave her. I do feel bad I lashed out like that and did kind of embarrass her. But the thing that just drives me insane is that she refuses to admit she has things that need to be worked on. Actually, she does admit she has general ""anger issues"" and that sometimes they get taken out on me and others, but refuses to get help because, in her words, ""Therapy is for the weak and it's never helped anybody. It's just so stupid and I don't believe in it."" At the same time, she knows I go to therapy for my own anxiety issues, so that little comment made me feel great... At the same time, to me what she's saying is ""I know I have some kind of issues that I take out on you but I'm not going to do anything about it and keep subjecting you to it."" And she keeps begging me to get engaged soon, but why would I want to get engaged to someone that treats me like that? I mean, I know she can't help it, but I feel like she isn't exactly trying. Is there any future here? Does anybody have any tips on somehow confronting this? I wouldn't mind working on things, but I just feel like she won't budge. Like it's just getting really out of control to the point where I just can't deal with it anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.",5.074916129032257,5.703526562580649,5.711258064516129,81.72288709677422,68.53548387096774,9.141935483870967,29.822580645161292,9.22864390098145,2.3814,3086,111,620,57,50,1002,315,775,0.119,0.782,0.098,-0.9673,1,0,0,0,1,0,102.0,8,3,2,7,42,38,7,2,30,0,61,3,0,8,3,146,116,60,0,10,31,3,5,7,5,7,2,14,0,4,47,59,0,7,20,0,0,11,19,17,1,2,24,22,100,21,110,76,8,98,0,1,2,1,99,51,0,6,41,448,147,4,0.06163689704250992,0.0,0.06014872028419934,0.0,0.0,0.06023086243130196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051286835968242385,0.0,0.0,0.12574561082450295,0.0,0.04715205752991397,0.0,0.06112723953786819,0.0,0.0,0.1014438289239954,0.0,0.05762217836525425,0.0,0.0,0.0947899384141857,0.10292846891117267,0.03757328034411925,0.0,0.0,0.06944367596470293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552590282463422,0.0,0.1258763265972495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618945819654947,0.12925022771606307,0.0,0.0691310211249106,0.049212046848484806,0.0,0.06770523715548403,0.0,0.12708986876752162,0.0,0.06256015305165757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787772793123962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091839919587394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246618685049243,0.08806682312560689,0.05918108711702325,0.06752020792234396,0.0,0.10485662627427098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576218778848171,0.0,0.1050890070363244,0.10339620979296878,0.049296657202597065,0.1359097931734577,0.0,0.12206043722246683,0.05450530449571305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946926260013732,0.0,0.12394173851269925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060699927779452975,0.0,0.0,0.06958055429210018,0.0,0.1929987202313647,0.0,0.16435711840719738,0.0,0.12837068665702314,0.13549610668179465,0.10048459531341412,0.0,0.06526457430265821,0.0,0.1260558065070123,0.0,0.2107887214652975,0.061776363430449226,0.0,0.05454671428258512,0.05175946986651174,0.0,0.06728395419600687,0.05240148570924523,0.05562970604599389,0.05832232229944551,0.041143107394224776,0.0,0.0,0.06714065035483563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062235695308697575,0.0,0.0491979831690326,0.06551026706148587,0.0,0.04570297815873453,0.04753817479335627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04687763766578328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883939258734978,0.0427312636001724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058266790510941885,0.06948634030147068,0.0,0.12541376631341888,0.0,0.058978186224910585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794469819353055,0.0,0.0,0.06617496045887261,0.0,0.0526375732960197,0.058630803794826124,0.19606453780841107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860145224618313,0.06963214941281293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052224742844827615,0.0,0.060960467226418735,0.06899745995200396,0.08725382594011312,0.0,0.0,0.051531205845090564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926865515389697,0.14862420923581768,0.05387336477136218,0.0,0.14097432695390408,0.14313037625955705,0.16379526235559907,0.0,0.0,0.09786562268708518,0.07188194067256681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255422214190456,0.0,0.0,0.0641661835631769,0.14828319598234932,0.053234489102527316,0.0,0.0,0.0363550388326086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541897273497084,0.057138021072053714,0.05561771257481202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134617185416544,0.0,0.0,0.17514033284011676,0.0,0.0,0.11907642255097987 bpd,AlmostFamous0531,2018/02/10,Spiraling I have been doing very well for the last year of keeping my BPD under control I guess you could say. Two weeks ago everything changed and I literally feel like I'm spiraling I don't know how to deal with this anymore. This time I'm left with extreme paranoia among everything else. I was doing so well now I'm back to square one. ,1.66,4.237743529411766,2.8220588235294137,89.96926470588238,84.29411764705883,6.341176470588236,24.676470588235286,7.6454224807358475,1.4222294117647056,272,11,55,5,8,87,52,68,0.031,0.856,0.113,0.647,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,0,10,14,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,3,7,3,8,11,0,10,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,8,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920985889193447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049647169777451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554548213543979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25462369639097193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386708666665125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267487608666236,0.16141481003790956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084264762245301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888554017798085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633913785543773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222228657571457,0.14442896034408387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271099997790156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969633280888958,0.0,0.0,0.11110632315424412,0.16479401795853518,0.0,0.0,0.2196562767607535,0.0,0.0,0.09876914179805843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699436451183608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607722201788972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117885868825388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748889760257876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668098891069932,0.0,0.0,0.1621670881367827,0.0,0.3635468764001158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018965447787886 bpd,Mmadchef808,2018/02/10,"I have BPD/ depression/ PTSD/ and nicety with occ panic attacks Tried multiple meds over the last 10 years Ketamine infusions, 6 sessions Electroshock therapy , 2 sessions of 10 Now my next tx is suboxone to help with BPD and depression Self harm too Hopefully this will help It's off label wish me luck!!!",4.305515151515149,7.377369036363639,4.7195454545454565,77.55265151515152,76.81818181818181,8.757575757575756,30.984848484848484,9.2995712137729,3.631484848484849,247,12,39,7,6,78,50,55,0.184,0.55,0.266,0.6093,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,6,4,0,6,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,4,19,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340699685934144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5168011214574436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534199449677525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750381311465205,0.0,0.0,0.20377705035919194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723842772213554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278942028962555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819735306541865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407191816423564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23982915694715484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140338487641188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23462626002943046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929487504945354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23593183927516495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212077349826434 bpd,indiepandie,2018/02/10,"The fear of being unlovable I'm almost 30 years old. I was diagnosed with BPD 8 years ago. And while I have grown out of the more reckless behaviors (self harm, excessive drinking, opioids, smoking, etc), the one issue that I still struggle with today is that fear off abandonment, the fear that no one could love me, that everyone has a hidden agenda. Relationships have been hard for me. I've trusted men that not only cheated on me, but one managed to even father children behind my back. I've been sexually assaulted, I've been abused physically, emotionally, verbally. I've been gaslighted, manipulated, betrayed so many times. So trusting any guy is hard for me to do. But that life is behind me now and I'm married for almost 2 years and we're thriving. While I know that he loves me, loves me enough to be my husband, and that he takes our marriage seriously, I'm worried that I'll never truly feel that he means it. I realize and understand that this is a result of having BPD, this is the one that I truly wish to outgrow. If it doesn't cost me my marriage, it does cost me on losing out on happy memories I could be enjoying rather than feeling like it never meant anything. If anyone else has been able to manage this, or had a successful mindfulness technique, any sort of advice would be appreciated. ",7.838127896200183,7.23650624497992,8.134618473895582,70.85649675625581,62.85542168674698,10.874389867160952,36.42292245906704,10.214889679676881,3.7051535990114313,1041,43,184,20,13,343,144,249,0.181,0.655,0.16399999999999998,0.4359,0,0,2,0,1,0,35.0,1,0,0,2,7,20,2,4,8,0,26,6,0,2,2,36,40,14,0,7,7,2,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,4,19,9,1,1,7,1,2,1,5,11,0,4,8,4,20,9,23,25,3,21,0,2,0,3,16,6,0,6,15,126,39,3,0.1071245673589104,0.1269250951814227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468088740997616,0.09495946543713964,0.0,0.2145395601965078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569675852399974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490398826760393,0.10976177865488802,0.08815439133170071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237217989408306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698392850305786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106050046141946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872918091486612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937454307955028,0.0,0.0,0.10494129326300072,0.0,0.0,0.08948883010411994,0.12050071970619608,0.0,0.1106883142836372,0.1194722097057118,0.07075476642470355,0.0,0.0,0.1023621148339192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616347620438996,0.10833079997954093,0.07652981232570626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607016378580944,0.0,0.11403609392679605,0.1919251418883824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118102164863426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887286067099266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566524997543073,0.05233565254065823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984498947150495,0.0,0.0,0.29005231339129994,0.0,0.0,0.10860749743623516,0.0,0.11669005849689605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816527525107407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524214073457774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240921315132538,0.0,0.29036151699196694,0.08147306069433354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150116950932912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175428675537166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554981787127072,0.0,0.0,0.11198985704073937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805443428369992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246519669993125,0.0,0.10154156410935933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152045257140424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318796570413855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879019810321697,0.0,0.07609821909778068,0.0,0.0,0.20695412748670525 bpd,airthief,2018/02/10,"Regain life essence in your eyes? (depressive read) This might be a hard one to answer, but it is my biggest challenge in dealing with people. After a good decade of depression and broken relationships and lost ambition, I have a permanent thousand yard stare. Even if I'm in a good mood, people instantly get chills when they see my demeanor. Becoming a more positive person and achieving goals might help, but I'm afraid the condition is permanent. My biggest fear is that there might be a limit to the amount of torment your soul can take, before it dies and you are left as en empty shell. The song ""Empty"" by Emperor sums up my life perfectly. He is an empty shell Shell-shocked Luciferian soul He is an empty shell Drained and sealed He is an empty shell Penetrating cold He is an empty shell Empty Luciferian soul",5.199714912280702,7.2008739276315845,5.652631578947371,77.09675438596494,69.59210526315789,9.014035087719298,29.771929824561404,9.516144504307137,2.9399719298245617,655,26,113,15,12,210,94,152,0.187,0.682,0.131,-0.74,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,1,6,3,10,0,2,13,0,15,3,1,0,1,15,21,10,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,4,6,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,0,2,1,6,9,4,12,15,2,9,3,3,3,0,12,7,0,4,2,67,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916705425746194,0.14574801376287505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765837936858662,0.2950491571937485,0.0,0.1777632438585646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312987181774432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927394027859339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948755902918125,0.0,0.0,0.2873257350100919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153434657462556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480643628973596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609794379261987,0.0,0.24196249845266665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869740837934244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5451080843852624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160648351269172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374901700248677,0.1495564738067779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132793671457125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389232246695306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648924772992455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287824360284057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,therealjaymill,2018/02/11,Combatting BPD I just wanna talk and have a discussion about how you guys cope/fight/live with BPD. I find that music and weed help me the most. What do you do that helps you?,0.9941666666666648,3.2878200833333366,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,84.27777777777777,5.822222222222222,14.555555555555555,7.1686216300943375,-0.4813111111111117,137,2,32,2,4,42,29,36,0.0,0.845,0.155,0.6486,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7735404918218122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28067552468543683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040682777276008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41167312221931945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468280378656195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blood_clot_drip,2018/02/11,Good night! Good night everyone! I hope everyone had an okay day. Stay strong friends!,1.7969999999999968,2.964579200000003,0.8191666666666677,95.86875,123.66666666666666,6.833333333333335,23.75,7.1686216300943375,2.092,68,3,13,2,4,19,12,15,0.0,0.309,0.691,0.9507,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801891382789953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527524097629092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21326296749385046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630479763421338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27416376740919496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5180778947379037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294215218276107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SilverCharm99,2018/02/11,"I’m in self destruct mode and I don’t know how to stop So two weeks ago I finally managed to push my boyfriend so far he broke up with me. He loves me but he does not want to be in a relationship with me any more. And is adamant that he will not in the future. However, selfishly he has said he wants to be my friend despite me saying it was a bad idea. So I eventually agree. And I keep pushing him further and further away from me even though he has already gone. I realised during my relationship I lost every single friend I had by making him my everything. And now I have no one. I had one friend left who is on her last nerve with me as well, on the verge or ejecting me from her life completely. I’ve stared cutting myself again because it’s the only way I can calm down from my daily break downs where I am crying so hard I can’t breathe or think or barely even move. I’ve been thinking of suicide more and more and more. I keep trying to tell my ex that I am going to finally go and get therapy for this and I’m going to be better and treat him better and learn ways to cope with my fears and every day we are ‘friends’ I am just pushing him further and further away. It’s like it’s not enough that I’ve pushed him to leave me, now I need to make him hate me as well! And it’s like I’m going down the list of the worst things I can say to him. How to push him away further. Oooh I know!! Tell him I cut my leg wide open. I know! Tell him I have a big sharp knife in my hand whilst I’m freaking out. I fucking hate my fucked up brain and this fucked up disorder I have. If this is what the rest of my life is going to feel like I don’t want to live it anyway. It’s fucking horrible. I’m going to die miserable and alone at some point anyway. Why not now? I’ve already lost pretty much everything anyway. ",1.1457362637362678,2.77169704615385,2.855201465201464,94.43884615384614,79.8205128205128,5.893040293040293,21.142857142857142,6.742157984588678,0.20439340659340646,1408,39,331,14,35,466,185,390,0.221,0.655,0.123,-0.9933,1,1,0,0,0,2,29.0,1,0,0,4,25,32,9,2,9,0,26,11,4,4,0,53,63,30,2,5,10,1,4,3,4,1,2,3,0,1,16,23,0,3,8,0,0,13,8,18,2,3,8,8,58,14,46,51,10,59,0,4,1,5,36,30,4,5,16,214,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736174597401833,0.0,0.0,0.0860131710822229,0.18329210839004312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056475808944059076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340803202389143,0.0,0.0693420053433689,0.05062557782022933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689924958273887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927095607451209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870747430300698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122484704715196,0.053559394135193374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619120247255205,0.0,0.09518074411430774,0.0,0.07267627766904948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581127203036484,0.0,0.1097054652681201,0.0,0.1399438393460906,0.0,0.1492772236196464,0.0,0.0,0.09345262006570212,0.04199180286769275,0.059329845127876785,0.0,0.18195108381830144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25665217441977106,0.30710789726522736,0.043389399021067664,0.0,0.28319016359724125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743951187017263,0.1639863454227099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937516164100572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763459586220773,0.0,0.0,0.1369238052347267,0.06769558916845679,0.0,0.08793634079864135,0.09023240803322292,0.0,0.1173191838887202,0.12171986571802833,0.0,0.07333332246413203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18131443557793192,0.0,0.07495448858216966,0.0,0.11087100014031016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826738290537195,0.061050182740846115,0.06157938982704207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125515881373866,0.06316210540954448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850764985997216,0.0,0.0,0.08449015268401731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783259582223621,0.0,0.0,0.0789981149634207,0.1320869568174469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663766869509758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943224141698351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084154926563644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21776407561633648,0.0,0.09497316569773967,0.0,0.05517371470512365,0.10642821526067817,0.08159470226857421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056384461173520285,0.0,0.08112628991666122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695242183178847,0.13184002327573224,0.06661647498585055,0.0,0.14934110044243462,0.0,0.07493832878980948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,therealcoralinejones,2018/02/11,"I’m losing it. And by it, I mean myself. I’ve done so good at regulating my emotions, practicing self care etc. but recently I’ve been just acting like a maniac. Pushing my boyfriend away, threatening to break up with him when I really just want him to fight for me and stay close. I’m crying all the time. Hardly can get myself to work. My self care is lacking and out the window. I just have to vent. I don’t know how to help myself. I feel ugly, fat, lonely. It’s awful.",0.1956802721088451,2.4757088061224515,2.6460204081632672,90.6376700680272,88.48979591836735,5.715646258503401,16.329931972789115,7.1686216300943375,0.13128299319727876,365,8,78,6,12,125,70,98,0.25,0.604,0.146,-0.9367,0,2,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,2,0,3,1,6,1,1,1,1,17,15,7,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,3,6,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,2,2,14,4,12,13,3,12,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,51,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943948665520497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42190862798753775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272763718435927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173653113192648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327412439213255,0.0,0.0,0.23075472718116094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461781972632574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809977221321154,0.0,0.0,0.17354281892668524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534701025765807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868463668211187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137100496925012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010837520592896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314747330583951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253811382540925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254919215082192,0.0,0.20429457560672076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316958732927519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053411723816507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064847095668199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203843707294275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062993043904258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lucy255,2018/02/11,"Obsessing Hi. Short but sweet. I am currently absolutely obsessing over an issue at work. I suffer from bpd and I cannot leave this worry be. Every second I am thinking about it, trying to find some solid solution which I know doesn't exist. I feel sick and heavy hearted with it. Is there anything fellow bpd-ers do to distract themselves from obsessive thoughts that I might try? Meditation sounds great but my mind is on fire. Any help much appreciated. ",3.236071428571428,6.226253321428577,4.262190476190476,79.46614285714288,81.26190476190476,7.1695238095238105,25.06666666666667,8.238735603445708,2.1204323809523813,365,14,62,8,10,118,69,84,0.209,0.541,0.25,0.6676,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,4,1,0,9,2,1,0,0,13,13,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,4,8,2,9,10,2,5,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,1,40,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498888941439567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545218473861807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370565365119436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963710681217882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078044737407071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948684351561475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350627967475747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526527473801029,0.14290896438624642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22253397093755645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171736526167068,0.0,0.0,0.22575670238189705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261802106096528,0.21527950643146695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673256142127948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661520765719998,0.0,0.16926349777391747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28950874927264925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552181112458614,0.2165232797483174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Catmann_Dont,2018/02/11,"I was recently Diagnosed with BPD Everything makes sense now and it was eye opening to have a diagnosis. But its scary. What if treatment doesn't work on me. What if I can't fix this. What if I don't want to. Having BPD has damaged so many relationships and opportunities for me. Theres a lot of stigma against it which scares me. I don't want to tell people I have BPD because they won't understand or they'll judge me.. especially my family. I need support but no one truly know what its like. I need someone to talk to that understands, other than my therapist. ",2.0346130952380967,4.496035616071431,3.853571428571428,84.05809523809525,81.23214285714286,7.661904761904763,24.511904761904763,8.59863814320734,1.9269619047619049,447,17,90,11,12,150,76,112,0.1,0.8,0.1,0.4548,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,2,3,5,0,1,2,0,12,2,1,1,0,19,21,9,0,7,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,1,15,3,11,17,1,4,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,5,3,65,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967778564858014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6178277220863393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596521434683545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695756314141833,0.0,0.15414825453757772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986407198379573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988561781489754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901538573037572,0.0,0.0,0.10914814469745714,0.16577947557419387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242489961945582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080261756817687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113361348666423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614522418895051,0.1755549013424154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370795906638647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854650632477192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555592550301955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142790066697174,0.14292011920881126,0.0,0.0,0.1898545832827946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340451673770286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928918494639631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190415354534924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,changefory,2018/02/11,"I'm scared I have BPD I'm tired I can't stand this anymore. I'm in a bad place again, but everytime I think it's the last time, but this last time happens over and over and over again leaving me exhausted. I thought I was just depressed, or weird, an awful person with shitty social skills, no selfesteem, unable to control their behavior and their emotions, not sure of anything in their life, in themselves, in their own brain. But the more I read into BPD, it's like my situation finally has a label to describe it. I'm also extremely anxious, extremely obsessive, these last few months I developed an eating disorder as well, I binge and purge, I panic over everything, I have a phobia of talking in front of many people, like presentations or talking in front of crowds, in a classroom etc. All after a series of panic attacks I had in highschool during reading aloud in class. I can't believe I can do anything good, even the skills I got, like I had a job, I worked as a waitress for 2 months, but after some time passed after I left that job I feel like I didn't even do it? Like I can't work, like I have no experience, like I can't do it again. I overanalize everything, my mind never shuts up. I can't believe someone can love me, even the boys that show interest in me, or a boy that many people I know told me had fallen for me, and he showed it, a normal person would go along with it, would see it, would allow it to happen, I felt like it wasn't possible for him to feel like this for me. I got away, I get distanced from everyone. I also snap and I can't control it, or in a conversation I'll start to talk really loud, I get angry easily and I hate it, or I think I come off as angry, I can't control anything. I've lost control over myself I'm scared I'm going crazy. I feel like a problem for everyone. And I read that many people with BPD end up killing themselves and I'm scared because I had dreams as a kid I had dreams as a teen and it's like I've become everything I hated back then. A scared little shit. I'm so disappointed in myself and I'm tired. At the same time I'm scared it's all in my head and I'm just a drama queen, a person who loves being a victim and it's just a flaw of character, I'm scared I'm becoming like my mom, I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. ",1.9832964859794124,3.5830099542619567,3.9500228183155,87.63833578418945,77.31600831600831,7.0211652553115975,23.58201916738502,7.8500785054351265,1.1325705694437405,1792,57,385,28,41,610,201,481,0.255,0.61,0.134,-0.997,3,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,4,10,14,40,6,9,25,1,30,10,3,5,4,58,70,31,1,5,13,1,4,12,0,3,4,1,0,6,25,19,1,4,9,8,0,7,14,22,1,0,14,6,58,18,54,52,8,58,0,3,1,2,23,28,1,6,34,241,83,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635514493790054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805923256001012,0.059746439633726015,0.0,0.0,0.14872847964777147,0.0,0.0,0.06853691207367653,0.056601770280031674,0.04632436681390882,0.05030171165003741,0.03672453954885846,0.1330708208350731,0.0,0.13575003305682892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22762783569584746,0.06725288039637954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051895375137526435,0.0,0.0,0.2702776969274771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051888572363440334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904551319745977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164525003339232,0.0,0.06776704887727282,0.05335882033811494,0.0,0.06718863666825432,0.11937293967107387,0.0,0.0,0.11513256445346412,0.1624318439000483,0.05893076368274235,0.0,0.0,0.0913844162303804,0.12911622963969688,0.057844248744539715,0.06599499760151678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629506178086001,0.0,0.06847677143100092,0.050530299204209095,0.09636619536450172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654817424737728,0.0,0.0,0.11895810946265645,0.06182832427297121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956690847371768,0.0,0.0666517067853961,0.0,0.0662176962322473,0.14732213134603608,0.0,0.06379031636753317,0.06545591734620558,0.0,0.04255253168527277,0.3531895310561591,0.06038090050184481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576408059781179,0.0,0.10874617925646343,0.0,0.0,0.1832356588029869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082985655716627,0.07055772926269087,0.09617330518217562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046464337536938106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059026901685902335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136807900931836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529802820127012,0.15780974236333226,0.0629427684094703,0.0,0.0,0.06791671712278906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057645931169692764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807826626582477,0.0,0.038594223489516785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36189203309907503,0.0,0.04800713396388434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618402002642327,0.0,0.06771743714129537,0.0,0.06141176713116279,0.05104504095645238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426414269951868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677980793774525,0.0,0.0,0.14526694502075546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720459437192634,0.0,0.047827470717605874,0.14051640681362804,0.13848457512165496,0.0,0.05756628222673206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416711656056106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877175500694099,0.0,0.0,0.1283880730085188,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,D3th2Aw3,2018/02/11,"How to deal with insomnia? The last month has been especially bad. It is currently Sunday, 2:50 PM eastern time. I have been awake for 30 hours straight. Prior to this, I slept 3 hours from 6:30am-9:30am saturday morning. Prior to this I slept from 8am-12pm thursday. Prior to this I slept from 1am-2pm last sunday. So on and so forth. This entire month has been a loose pattern like above. I have almost completely cut out caffeine, I might have half a coffee in the morning. Maybe 2 sporadically depending on the day. I have been trying to stay away from laying down except for sleep, which I try on a regular basis. But I feel like if I lay in bed for hours on end I am just reinforcing laying awake. I have tried an assortment of tea before laying down around 11pm. I take magnesium an hour before I lay down (have also tried not taking it). I have tried showers, baths. I have tried f.lux and bluelight filters on my phone. I have tried putting away all screens and reading. Mentally speaking, 90% of the time I operate sufficiently. Some times I am sluggish, but the rest of the time I feel typical. Periodically, around the 16-20 hour mark, I feel like my mind is operating at peak performance. But just because I am functioning, does not mean it is not taking it's toll on me. I am not even sure of the long term effects of consistent sleep deprivation. Currently, at the 30 hour mark, some of my symptoms are actually alleviated. Depression seems to be almost none existent after the 20 hour mark typically. Disassociation is sporadic. Psychological cravings for alcohol or substances typically are alleviated and/or fluctuate after the 24 hour mark. Suicidal ideation decreases after the 24 hour mark as well. It is a zero sum game because if and when I can sleep the typical 5-7 hours per night, my symptoms become moderate to severe. If I sleep 9-15 hours, my symptoms are severe. I have tried several types of prescribed sleep medication, and some knocked me out. But ALL increased my symptoms. And even being knocked out, when I wake in the morning, I never feel rested on them. Yes I have talked to my doctor, have not received much help besides scripts. I have asked about sleep studies, and he just shrugs it off and says nothing is offered in my area. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.",4.639375956144825,7.0088135023584925,5.354660887302399,77.08289393166753,71.99528301886792,8.357368689444161,30.56323304436512,9.068930737419137,2.868615961244263,1831,81,321,40,37,592,214,424,0.08199999999999999,0.866,0.052000000000000005,-0.928,3,0,1,0,0,0,69.0,0,0,1,2,15,10,1,0,20,1,38,19,10,3,4,52,51,23,1,4,17,0,4,3,0,2,8,2,3,0,11,14,2,0,7,3,0,3,7,4,1,2,7,7,41,6,54,39,11,70,0,2,1,0,12,26,0,12,43,209,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.05772422190203848,0.0,0.0,0.05780305303102106,0.0,0.06321593971859384,0.11846519342850782,0.0,0.0,0.047304163019902326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040225669020303084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531637658509067,0.05529952083300675,0.0,0.11115127771401473,0.0,0.04938979375947241,0.0721175234293785,0.0653291923958126,0.10066869275728353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202017923505969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381484125981145,0.060983540061820135,0.05094788633304631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054500084305466,0.05176467492548168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239148023596685,0.0,0.0,0.07813922134280422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963694865493812,0.08451699082358581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521574376592122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03964861531565509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.640785322185686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643422254374673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669664274165657,0.0,0.0,0.052348023771707206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942654912513262,0.06443431849285436,0.0,0.05958983258898494,0.05961171914880604,0.06275136203659333,0.059727074312678936,0.0,0.09442978285035994,0.0,0.043483829456871015,0.0,0.04562198726130582,0.0,0.0,0.05551053217168503,0.0,0.05675833528091755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946451271281079,0.0,0.0,0.0591684201265312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704037273818113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05385013486147722,0.0,0.2004761676672112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551707908514464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304860139912966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470313860702026,0.0,0.05575044887653652,0.24592802316390105,0.1334257580981907,0.04754446862935191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796899001431995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212848425492449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318512288576215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042020176776377566,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flowerkorin,2018/02/11,Wish me luck! I’m going out to apply for jobs today! Hopefully I’ll get one. Good luck to all those currently looking for jobs as well.,-0.09928571428571333,2.231877642857146,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,94.0,5.6571428571428575,17.714285714285715,7.1686216300943375,0.4979,106,3,22,2,4,36,23,28,0.0,0.541,0.459,0.9431,3,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,6,6,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,11,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186292129003746,0.0,0.17607214432799018,0.25985390223558863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077112025223512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6148771773461601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601623453971727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993525219034304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936636244353273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785563678186037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562661734906024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Worriedhearttt,2018/02/11,"I expect more from people, because of the love I give. ((How can I stop this)) I’m usually let down by SUM ppl (h8rs) And this makes me bitter and anti—social. A.K.A Miserable. I dont know what my issue is am i giving to Much love from the start or what? >>fake friends",-0.6563888888888876,1.4935386785714293,1.3759523809523806,96.2801587301587,99.71428571428572,3.9174603174603178,15.150793650793652,5.82211442006289,-0.6132158730158728,210,5,45,2,9,69,45,56,0.13,0.65,0.22,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,5,2,0,2,0,8,13,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,3,6,12,2,4,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434927838664872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967502609449664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562284335165991,0.0,0.0,0.4857878830287725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26427657211392314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915291730582605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25891567880963057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570484613757947,0.0,0.16901396095102764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613222914479607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553803236848806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921731809129324,0.0,0.0,0.2116877835455872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788656695844153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NoRespecterofGlories,2018/02/11,"Going to start hiding BPD diagnosis I'm sure plenty of people here are way ahead of me already, but...I think I'm going back in the closet with respect to BPD. I'm tired of: ""But you don't seem manipulative!"" ""Are you sure you aren't misinterpreting [abuse experience] due to emotional reasoning? Maybe you share responsibility but aren't telling us about it?"" ""Borderlines are basically soulsucking parasites lol"" It's especially upsetting because a) my parent capitalized on BPD stigma to discredit me in mental healthcare settings and get me hospitalized, and b) my ex used to claim my ""splitting"" on him (which in retrospect was just disagreement), self-injuring, etc was an excuse to *batter* me. He even claimed after we broke up that his current therapist said his behavior was perfectly understandable given the stress of being the partner of a borderline. And given my experiences in therapy and inpatient, I believe it. I used to think that by being open about it I could get more understanding out there, but it just keeps hurting me again and again, even in abuse survivor spaces that profess to be welcoming to BPD. think I'm going to just tell everyone I have CPTSD/PTSD, which is true. ",6.4544190140845075,8.477414215962444,7.27417546948357,66.62140404929578,66.46478873239437,10.95880281690141,33.96977699530517,10.9516,4.4065776995305175,960,44,153,30,16,319,130,213,0.106,0.763,0.131,0.4142,2,0,0,0,2,0,39.0,2,4,0,2,12,11,0,2,6,1,15,1,0,4,4,31,37,8,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,10,9,0,1,7,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,6,1,22,7,30,27,2,24,0,2,0,0,19,11,0,1,8,103,32,0,0.0,0.2578075993681725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005753611899825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365632471207719,0.0,0.0663201726586447,0.0,0.0,0.12257424791899765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5480919134984394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686362792882013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223792711172944,0.0,0.0,0.12133472711371494,0.14371560210165946,0.0,0.0,0.10395789364530816,0.0,0.2128439713802618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136813665554722,0.0,0.18549141909738506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646685942228015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967016309694191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092987892837349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963935860329152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208035179328324,0.0,0.0,0.07542447063260066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717505447084046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185895889036272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034885694082492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904250927867032,0.11349648525503585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700537121696023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462383599840787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507522829230407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018253506833324,0.0,0.1244160959382732,0.1263189050742053,0.0,0.2091335422452944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504337760870166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265180114049973,0.13086649701407088,0.18792719061735735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635608207786664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,megusta7000,2018/02/11,"Military Diagnoses Recently I was diagnosed with BPD while attending a unit recommended psychological evaluation. At that meeting the psychologist and the psychiatrist diagnosed me with BPD. Being in the military means this is grounds for an honorable discharge, and that’s fine and dandy. I’m a young man with not many skills, but I feel like I could flourish in the outside world. My parents don’t believe me and tell me that I’m lying just to get out. They’ve even begun the process of having me legally removed from the family, all because I don’t want to carry on the legacy of being in the military like all of the other male members of my family. I really only have a few good friends and my girlfriend on my side, and even then it’s hard to keep them because some days I look at them like they are these perfect beings and the next day they can do something so small and minor but it still makes me resent them. I guess I’m just coming here asking what do I do? Should I try to fight to stay in knowing I’m putting my mental health at being risk even more, or perhaps just get out and go to college. I don’t have many people to ask for advice and this sub seemed like the best place for me to seek help from people with similar diagnoses. Thanks to all in advance, I appreciate the input.",6.79420168067227,6.440073901960787,7.246904761904763,75.54750000000001,64.88235294117646,10.422969187675072,33.508403361344534,9.957137785484203,3.145487394957984,1035,39,197,20,14,340,143,255,0.052000000000000005,0.763,0.185,0.9887,1,0,1,1,1,0,17.0,0,0,5,5,9,14,2,1,16,0,19,5,0,1,4,39,39,16,0,3,7,1,2,4,2,1,5,0,0,2,10,17,0,1,4,0,0,6,4,3,0,0,1,3,27,11,34,32,7,33,0,0,1,0,16,17,0,4,13,138,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277590885830654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157828486334204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070397362910209,0.0,0.0,0.13002592616557065,0.12111416327137105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907060817684567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941425521630333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214434404696713,0.0,0.0,0.14885794699962193,0.0,0.0,0.4685490350906095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286787957295065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21759383798807735,0.0,0.05835403542765461,0.08244789811520685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916436694718892,0.0,0.12059241826971084,0.0,0.06558934407343099,0.09679922436114896,0.0,0.0,0.12713553979457148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338340094716768,0.0,0.0,0.12267390222218695,0.0,0.0,0.07735592486432702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258043057159284,0.0,0.0,0.06342552622100628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255311710474777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691412376633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703610976732804,0.2340123309086573,0.0,0.12571375470076754,0.0,0.0,0.11630468380285768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273831253115752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777341016690499,0.0,0.0,0.12814754787364396,0.0,0.0,0.16001952801754515,0.0,0.12057738143518912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601747856474945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739336785540915,0.0,0.1139520297193918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506361831590948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884714761540292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230101690513828,0.09216542486222462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087216802308227,0.10625269615024266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835483642499777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807095864853012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,5wlabr,2018/02/11,"I'm not sure what I look like. Is this BPD related? Sometimes I think that if I ever meet myself on the street, I wouldn't recognize me. If I see photos of myself, I know it's me cause of the details, like my hair, my clothes etc. But once my friend was making a joke and photoshopped my face onto somebody else's body and since there was nothing but my face, I honestly just asked who this is cause I just couldn't see it was me. Sometimes I look at some celebrity and think oh, she looks a bit like me. But then I look in the mirror and realize that our faces are nothing alike. I'm not great with faces in general, I have to meet someone for a few times to remember how they look like. So I never related this to BPD, I thought that's just me being me. And granted, I do have a very forgettable face. But I was wondering, could it be somehow related to the lack of identity that us with BPD tend to have? Does anyone else feel this way? At least to some extent? 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If anyone has any advice as to what I could try to do it would be most welcome. Thanks for reading. 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It may only have been 10 songs, but I put myself and my raw emotions out there in a message accompanying said playlist. On a 40 minute trip home, although aware it was there, he didn’t listen. I was out for three hours this evening and he still didn’t listen to it even when I asked him to because it was important to me. I knew I was splitting. I just wanted to cry over a stupid playlist but it feels like a personal rejection. Am I being unreasonable in being upset? I feel rejected like my efforts weren’t enough. ",3.3791335372069327,5.1677264036697235,4.072782874617737,87.4339653414883,73.95412844036696,7.046279306829766,27.70744138634047,7.793537801064563,1.5679594291539252,434,17,89,6,9,138,72,109,0.187,0.737,0.076,-0.9398,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,5,0,13,0,0,1,0,13,22,6,0,1,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,1,1,6,4,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,4,0,1,11,6,14,2,11,8,1,11,0,2,0,0,9,6,0,1,5,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327644435794244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177704038392004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734948990302663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800710979769013,0.0,0.25726483451896404,0.0,0.32890036122575905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517854347174162,0.17787270165926347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497491219423628,0.0,0.24519699386122426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432799356906425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355926707983697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936193592732056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21740137007290736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502955542077241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368387799470325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988372474566948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685596111172233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,revived_,2018/02/11,"Ready to live with this thing called BPD I've been in therapy for a couple of years, because of drug abuse. I recently asked to look at my psychologists notes from our sessions. I found in his notes that he suggested I had a personality disorder and he wanted to test me for it, once I got off drugs. He never told me this. Maybe I wasn't ready. I looked at different disorders which I thought was completely wrong, until I came by this one called borderline ... he's right and the first week after I found out, I was euphoric. Finally, an answer. Something to work on. Something to accept. A name for the thing that makes me completely obsessed and paranoid about what other people are thinking about me. The thing that used to make me sad just because of some off hand remark. The thing that makes feelings seem unmanagable and overwhelming. I'm almost 40, so a lot of the symptoms I worked off myself, throughout the years. I'm intelligent and mentally strong with relatively lasting jobs and friendships, I hold a masters degree and function well in general. I consider myself a lucky individual and rarely feel sorry for myself. I have a vivid sense of humor and irony. I am a hell of a lot more than these symptoms, that only characterize a fragment of my personality. Yet still the cause so much mind- troubles, from time to time. When I start feeling paranoid and left out of a group, it can be excruciating. I have some goals, now. I like a good fight. I love taking a beating, even emotionally. (I'm a bit crazy like that). I will need those skills in my immediate future, because I know that everyting is not solved just by getting The Answer. But most of all, I will need my will to accept who I am. I'm not going to *fight* BPD. I'm going to *accept* BPD. I will accept BPD, and I will fight any *doubt* I have in myself. I will *fight* the need to adapt to others, rather than follow my own heart. I will *fight* the need for doing drugs, rather than dealing with my emotions. It's not easy having BPD. I know because I had it as long as I can remember. But it's not the worst either. Nobody is just *one thing*. We are so much more than those three letters, and as individuals we are as different and varied as any other group of people. With that in mind, BPD is easily acceptable as a part of a good life. Hell, I'll even be proud of mine. When the time comes. 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It’s just been such a hard day, my girlfriend of almost 3 months completely blew me off tonight and didn’t make any contact with me the whole night. When she got home around 1030 I tried to go over and talk to her, I knocked on the door a few times but it was dark so I left. Around 1 I saw she was on Facebook so I messaged her, she read a bunch of my messages but didn’t reply. I got increasingly anxious and angry and kept sending messages seeing that she could read them but choosing to not reply. I didn’t say anything too crazy or act like too much of an asshole but I probably sent too many messages and should have left her alone. I just wanted an explanation as to why I was completely ditched and why she didn’t let me know what was happening. Around 2 hours ago I started cutting myself on my leg and having really bad suicidal thoughts. I’m 31 years old, have a few mental health issues and also have herpes.. I know :( if anyone can justify their feelings of never finding someone to love them it’s me. I honestly just want to leave this earth and stop all the suffering, I don’t know what to do any more.",3.3788470478847046,4.653805129707114,4.103814504881452,89.28943630869364,73.01673640167364,7.15211529521153,26.666899116689912,7.594959193182576,1.2768436076243608,922,32,197,11,18,294,143,239,0.16,0.777,0.064,-0.9743,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,3,0,15,6,1,0,9,0,20,3,1,1,2,41,39,21,1,5,10,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,9,14,0,2,7,2,0,5,7,3,0,0,15,5,33,3,21,21,8,30,0,1,2,1,22,11,0,3,15,129,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081635142192627,0.0,0.12218556972222318,0.12637609184330062,0.0,0.09757948206631296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595579324046605,0.0,0.0,0.1378480550741048,0.0,0.08531933665344467,0.0,0.10041219920944904,0.3258714505513029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188174119862664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25587164346912983,0.0,0.0,0.09742317308147153,0.0,0.0,0.07869291211029035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169706184649794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152422045746027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934687186778422,0.0,0.19518134581042945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790202915340948,0.0,0.10930610086163607,0.0,0.0,0.12970172974132751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239617466260587,0.0,0.12016528368139888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735735068754245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011772751563438,0.0,0.0,0.1292017366794853,0.2651505331421401,0.12477388608796768,0.0,0.05961288926487445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101279631240762,0.0,0.08144940780695331,0.12370929574197287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296762712355065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739533176282747,0.0,0.08969886127942142,0.0,0.09410947374591856,0.0,0.0,0.1145076592150982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803963742948965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748510201867008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155837594480535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441063712806748,0.0,0.07816924236449879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097035332938177,0.0,0.0,0.09723427370075637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338729004651497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636650099878901,0.0,0.0,0.10201432185090603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347025611004945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807518678680137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687038142433453,0.07115093961785862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284368259121815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394130979666395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020844023228334,0.13623115691108809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857698583318683 bpd,subbeaneveryday,2018/02/11,hard time accepting “real” love or affection(?) does anybody else feel uncomfortable or dissociative when someone is actually expressing their feelings for you in a caring and or concerning way. like if it’s the superficial omg I love you!!!~ then it’s like fine but if someone sits me down and starts talking about my well-being to me seriously I just break down crying or having to leave. side note. eye contact during sex? is so hard.,3.0876179516685838,6.203849430379747,4.2387571921749165,77.46444188722671,86.34177215189872,7.42968929804373,27.434982738780214,8.296473431620573,2.7563063291139245,351,16,58,9,11,114,63,79,0.139,0.687,0.174,0.4829,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,3,4,1,1,0,15,9,12,0,2,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,7,7,9,0,11,0,0,1,3,8,4,0,6,6,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.21133777338504733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080409453265173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378882543026499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951890174141545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091361526145472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21900517244064388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880022930034525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293127725556957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160701502481516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909196456475051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24650021713397846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669923754415074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328696276813442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740680394783742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262817331487517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17190049640792374,0.0,0.0,0.19471939296058605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mdf34,2018/02/11,"New here So, I'm really new to Reddit as a whole, my husband got me lol. It just occurred to me when I saw a post that mentioned it, that there was probably a sub for it. I'm pleased to find that not only is there one, but it's not void of life either. I, have had BPD since I was about 12. I will be 24 in March. I have been through quite a lot, but I've said it all so many times before that I do not intend on spilling it all out unless someone wants to hear it lol. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention. I just, want someone to talk to. I wanna know that there are people like me. I get so angry, over nothing. And I lay awake just scared. I've lost any friends I once had, and it's my fault. I have a daughter, 6 weeks old today. And today all I can think about is how much my problems are going to affect her. Idk. Hi, how are you? Here I am lol. Thanks for reading.",-0.08861842105262951,1.6057727916666698,2.0562609649122803,98.31878289473686,84.10416666666666,4.875438596491228,18.959429824561404,5.750287758089431,-0.4440458333333335,664,17,165,4,19,223,114,192,0.121,0.759,0.12,-0.2679,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,2,16,7,0,1,5,3,18,1,0,4,3,32,34,14,0,4,12,2,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,13,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,9,4,22,3,21,23,7,15,0,1,2,0,10,4,0,2,10,111,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534754032400924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182129008544846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951100714164352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158954119453065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196869765987464,0.0,0.08093671517895612,0.0,0.08804178797000198,0.0,0.12389971025877312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460051038905314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513725530146972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094210750282394,0.07568366410158857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300896183133215,0.0,0.16910806742309153,0.13170322827006378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705953696655262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388038008362113,0.0,0.0,0.29923582438287666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864516017650675,0.0,0.1625572762938131,0.1649794630682995,0.10497444119463033,0.11781986962191655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073985839910804,0.0,0.0,0.1700501951962867,0.0,0.0,0.1483657870602118,0.0,0.1670246159436528,0.1482327727582595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477121525575136,0.15495696347627086,0.0,0.09924254226134854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735967943147332,0.0,0.1550969814547324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281473229831107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625180234927648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245148420921528,0.0,0.14262495650555093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992633032480543,0.0,0.0,0.09033220635597326,0.0,0.29368269075970205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274581009802626,0.0,0.12426350177235455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295711123843835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinebaddie,2018/02/11,"I miss my FP My FP and I had a thing going for awhile, and I genuinely felt like I was on top of the world. I was so ridiculously happy with him. We spent a lot of time together and even when I overreacted and thought he was “leaving me” he always seemed to prove me wrong and reassure me that everything was okay. Recently, he completely shut me out and didn’t talk to me at all for days. This completely broke me, and eventually he told me that he’s just not ready for a relationship. Ever since, I’ve been a complete wreck. I know that it’s my fault and that I’m just too much for him but I want him back more than anything. I don’t know what to do with myself. ",1.3479725274725285,3.165255478571428,3.191428571428574,91.3628021978022,79.92857142857143,7.4505494505494525,21.48351648351648,8.384062270229773,1.0094010989010989,517,15,121,11,13,173,86,140,0.111,0.8109999999999999,0.078,-0.53,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,8,9,1,0,5,1,9,0,0,0,3,26,20,11,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,12,0,0,6,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,11,1,24,4,15,9,4,13,0,2,0,0,13,6,0,2,7,83,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532794133072167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361701311840664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354098585705688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5871732407150599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038945673081652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329659042345285,0.1688575585686509,0.0,0.0,0.16777079113788002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923656731901808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609128581292354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987182246067528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051825864461908,0.0,0.0,0.1976610913282906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119961582682468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587037832267201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722706263135362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431831457847905,0.20041829802258407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994123842455428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441887974145285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004170184334034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401808583578215,0.0,0.0,0.14819851343965698,0.10885126419614367,0.0,0.0,0.1783752584497216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101053171298034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409900243535825,0.0,0.0 bpd,grndmspbs,2018/02/11,"in my head, it’s simple: when my fp decides to hang out with other people, he’s literally choosing them over me. so, them > me. I tell myself that’s not how it works but then can someone tell me how it DOES work? ",3.0288405797101454,3.2325378260869577,4.7552173913043525,88.2803623188406,72.91304347826087,7.0028985507246375,24.02898550724637,6.42735559955562,0.5359072463768122,164,4,38,1,3,56,36,46,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,8,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,5,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,27,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057228764446129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585389739831492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24219873874771505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960073207006677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6107032603485595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5086691378428714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,luhluh8,2018/02/11,"so depressed. so low. so empty. so alone. i don't wanna be here. i wanna vent, but i have no energy to do so. a title will just have to do for now.",-4.482352941176472,-4.258279970588232,0.2969117647058841,100.5036029411765,128.11764705882354,2.8764705882352946,7.1911764705882355,5.148860815047168,-1.9067529411764708,107,1,28,1,8,41,23,34,0.299,0.628,0.07200000000000001,-0.7433,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,7,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,26,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.768872030710494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6394026903220855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BenRenKyloSolo,2018/02/11,"The first girl I've been seeing in months just accidentally text me saying she met this guy and wanted to get with him, hurray for life Just sick of this shit, the last girl I was seeing I basically fell in love with and ruined in 2/3 weeks, this girl now just told sent me a text about getting with other guys that was meant for her friend. Just really sick and upset. I just want someone to love me and for me to stop fucking up things with the people I care about :(",12.64838596491228,6.041546821052637,11.168421052631583,71.3922807017544,59.73684210526316,13.92982456140351,36.92982456140351,8.841846274778883,2.9596666666666653,368,5,80,3,3,116,60,95,0.198,0.636,0.166,-0.4336,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,2,1,4,0,3,7,1,0,0,17,17,4,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,5,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,7,3,11,4,17,10,0,12,0,1,2,3,15,4,2,0,6,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116289867569592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655688192780905,0.0,0.0,0.16036620142517666,0.1918928878098918,0.2168909924526672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41104908613737773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691952856074997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661112392341774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37467569922955946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567846618945814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390122837535815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297311014535831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506607489699515,0.0,0.0,0.3308089830633091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306514337256807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587134135035426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353579548118134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789868043440956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833972276377734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448574792730968,0.0,0.16649819655676668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chubbypaws,2018/02/11,"3 of my closest friends are moving away next week and I’m freaking out. [vent] I feel like my heart is breaking times three. All of them are independent of each other, and I am in so much pain right now. The first one is my ex that I dated for two years. We were planning on going on a campervan trip and traveling around the United States for a year. Things exploded and he said that he had to do the trip on his own. We are still friends, but I feel like I not only failed the relationship, but also missed out on an awesome life opportunity. One is a girl that I met my sophomore year of college six years ago. She met a guy and is going to travel in India with him for a year. I am happy for her, but at the same time I’m envious and mad at her for leaving. I am envious because I feel like she is doing what I wanted to do: travel with my lover for a year. I am feeling so many conflicting feelings. I went to her going away party last night and had a panic attack and had to leave. The last one is a friend that I met two years ago at work. She is moving to a different state to be closer to her dad. We did not hang out a lot but when we did our relationship was intense. We lived our lives in parallel. I am trying hard as hell not to split on all of them, but I am so sad. I feel like they are all abandoning me, but I know they all have their own lives to live. It’s just hard that they are all leaving at the same time. The only person I have left is my current partner, and I am scared to death that he will leave me too, so I’m being extra clingy and needy but I think that is pushing him away too. I feel so scared and alone. I am trying to do healthy coping mechanisms, but it seems like nothing that I do helps. I do mindfulness meditation twice a day, write in my journal, do art, spend time outside reporting my succulents, but they don’t help. I feel like I am going insane. I feel trapped. I want to move away too, but I feel paralyzed. I feel stagnant. How do I survive this? I don’t expect anyone to answer this, but if you do I appreciate you. I’m sorry. ",2.2305438147799173,3.4118143729977106,3.922875891775477,89.8299969713286,75.75057208237986,6.880306905370842,23.15042401399919,7.39963492309942,0.7346296136761348,1599,45,363,19,34,537,197,437,0.16699999999999998,0.69,0.14300000000000002,-0.9074,2,2,0,0,0,0,49.0,7,2,7,6,16,26,5,3,20,0,46,4,1,2,5,71,76,32,1,4,16,2,13,6,5,1,2,1,0,4,15,23,0,2,15,4,1,15,5,14,0,9,12,14,69,12,49,61,13,68,1,4,0,1,48,25,1,3,31,261,84,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371449829416095,0.0,0.0,0.07227277567497158,0.0,0.0558043844764804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04879297332867055,0.0,0.0,0.06212048998892036,0.0,0.07938673528341665,0.26224874263160497,0.0,0.0,0.04253826458414876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500341086041238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290700357723273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38812085657644013,0.2492602315323815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059356261564133865,0.0,0.0,0.1617394591573848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863414799931727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909483449771285,0.0,0.07428389620052363,0.1250213579523289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269162707005967,0.0935463786603302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038350186511292586,0.11376276606474515,0.0,0.2955548947796709,0.0758179997591723,0.0,0.0492888644429518,0.20455082493859786,0.0,0.24647400844617698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932588912352564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074767109552997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045960452144016,0.0,0.0,0.2225006478846787,0.051297564159416435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421360859111421,0.06548537976455547,0.0,0.06695740421257844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185761748405668,0.10614422461088367,0.07425262774960596,0.08187376645867513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060930671580663766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983881902585533,0.0,0.05959317364431456,0.06637835775219934,0.0,0.13972727086551484,0.0,0.0,0.06352662087385139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811487791834303,0.0,0.0,0.05572773998031419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635984763573523,0.044713283037022704,0.0,0.0,0.16276103566934422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475436058629874,0.0,0.13633312383948062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231808597305787,0.0,0.05597465472244168,0.0,0.0,0.06468831669519386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05080189431050143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145597993460079 bpd,cats_and_vibrators,2018/02/12,"I want to destroy one of my most consistent friendships I have a group of girlfriends I have known since we were freshmen in college. One of the ladies in the group got married just over a year ago in a destination wedding. I tried hard to figure out how to make it and couldn’t with money and work. I was pretty heartbroken about missing her wedding. A few weeks later I heard from another friend in our group that she was disappointed that I hadn’t congratulated her. I saw her in November and she said she thought she was pregnant. We had a whole conversation about it being exciting etc. but she ended up having a miscarriage. Then she announced in an email in January that she was pregnant again, had just gotten the positive test, but was not out of the woods yet. I didn’t respond. I was really busy at work and was waiting for a more concrete announcement to say anything. Yesterday I got this text from yet another girl in the girl group. “Hey again. [Pregnant friend] mentioned that she hadn't heard from you. Especially given all the emotional turmoil of last year, I think she'd really appreciate a quick few words of congratulations on her pregnancy.” I know burning down 17 years of friendship is something I would come to regret. But I also feel like fuuuuuuuuck everyone. Why do I keep having to make overtures to her after planning a wedding that I couldn’t make it to? It’s not like she asked me ahead of time if that would work for me. And I don’t feel like I have the emotional energy to be her friend if she is going to keep being upset about me not acknowledging every occasion in her life. If you had asked me before last year if I considered this friend to be selfish or short-sighted, I would have laughed at you and said that was ridiculous. I really wanted to vent here because I knew you all would understand the impulse to ruin long friendships over petty things. I want to tell her off so badly. I’m full of anger and resentment. I don’t want to create a huge rift in my most solid friend group.",5.272299145299144,6.469306520512824,5.89769230769231,78.50619658119662,68.41025641025641,9.059829059829061,30.085470085470085,9.348350401419415,2.615905982905983,1613,61,303,32,27,524,191,390,0.115,0.7090000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.9718,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,3,4,0,5,14,22,4,2,19,0,37,1,0,4,2,59,69,19,0,15,13,0,3,3,6,4,1,5,0,2,14,13,0,3,10,0,1,2,10,12,0,2,26,9,57,10,55,32,10,45,0,4,1,0,55,22,0,7,24,223,71,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844536099465809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979079248046314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924756984533116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210710673974791,0.0,0.18655409204467102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330875197721814,0.0608224940343777,0.0,0.08490198600170157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594814757349648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446903224377826,0.08837187808382768,0.0,0.11127656066309743,0.0,0.0,0.08406554256032935,0.0953401975988981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089943816473114,0.14255991957918526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854332636702999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670497265615085,0.0,0.1595998864703335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937965467753096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773709004958517,0.0,0.0,0.054834253656167176,0.16266143501504413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047470537055707,0.1462364702836392,0.0,0.0,0.08829857743753534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980366748302794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352215341097893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015080129225481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175708859436533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981955695011454,0.07934584145959163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253569825492564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768124021863675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720857953864766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628670877443109,0.06393240103617585,0.0,0.07921096052220973,0.05818015977970064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774132169979256,0.0,0.0,0.10387028444778702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23540176553809905,0.0,0.08003425001500185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003227720085652,0.11139628680421798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21791424336480547,0.0,0.0,0.28351189333976234,0.0,0.0,0.2570097662988346 bpd,mollaway,2018/02/12,"Can't control how angry I feel I just need to get this out, I'm sorry if it's jumbled. This whole weekend my boyfriend blew me off and we argued about it but today I had class and we had a few minutes to spend together after trying to do a project that's been waiting for months. Well he got called away for ""work"" (a problem with some workers planting trees on his property) and he had to leave me to go take care of it. I called him an hour later and asked if he could leave yet to come get me and he said he needs to stay to watch them and he'll call me in 40 minutes. I called him after he didn't call back and he had left to drive his son home since he doesn't like the school bus. He literally drops everything to drive him home almost daily even though his son never wants to spend time together. He just wants to not take the bus and get dropped off at his moms house. Okay so it's an emergency that he can't leave work and has to be there until he needs to taxi his son to his moms. So when I asked if he could leave at all, the real answer was ""yes totally, just not for you."" So why the hell did he say he literally couldn't and emphasize how important it was to stay. I'm so angry because this is just like him. Everything gets prioritized over me on a regular basis and once again the things that are ""emergencies"" can easily get tossed aside if something other than me comes up. It would be one thing if his son was a little kid or if he needed something or even wanted to spend quality time together but no, he just doesn't like having to take the bus. I'm so fucking angry and hurt and fucking jealous of a kid as stupid and selfish as that sounds. It would take 10 minutes to come and get me. I told him we could go right back there if we needed to. We could have picked up his son together, we get along. Anything. I was in a good mood, it's not like I was being difficult to be around. But after days of ignoring me he can't leave for a few minutes to get me even though he knows how much it hurts. He likes my clinginess, he says it all the time. Until he gets tired of it I guess but I can't fucking turn it off when it's not convenient anymore. ",3.128349288840261,3.87130810065646,4.181000410284465,90.52333868982497,73.02625820568927,7.550574398249452,24.12807713347921,7.756953410329674,0.9028468818380748,1690,45,388,21,32,550,197,457,0.142,0.7879999999999999,0.07,-0.9865,0,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,6,1,1,4,29,23,7,0,17,2,36,4,0,5,4,84,80,44,0,23,22,7,1,5,0,3,1,4,2,2,23,28,0,3,3,1,3,7,14,13,1,1,15,6,43,9,56,53,8,50,1,2,1,3,65,18,4,12,26,245,66,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810488824473243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745031651265589,0.0,0.0,0.05596865179017566,0.06054571684801496,0.1271653749872788,0.0,0.06390016449465012,0.10459512643771778,0.0,0.041459906758256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472428222926352,0.0,0.0693434739515027,0.0,0.0,0.17576073988816907,0.0,0.0,0.07628201912879867,0.21721040644144307,0.0,0.0,0.04386256083355735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347652280741933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225084707929633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03438926144582071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886299179224269,0.3198044276528264,0.0,0.07730636227197996,0.05704582056600373,0.05439596416375375,0.0,0.0749236498386036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364445542289502,0.0,0.06697880309944458,0.07847751687560481,0.14561799037913792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03737799772660227,0.0,0.0,0.3600781114163468,0.07389599061791778,0.0,0.0,0.16613783323839848,0.06816658658049356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931128952147014,0.05428708316657768,0.0,0.04999715544972132,0.2521527526584878,0.05245558216741397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243129900849067,0.04608716137759376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507896247708288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741333521033104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808246873433855,0.06469564638040855,0.10817284758861304,0.0,0.06883247696537223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056260802984215895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471898869271813,0.0,0.07613464222360122,0.0,0.14498496403893454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045483252649471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903692230557412,0.0,0.1336442523198611,0.0,0.11897624577595167,0.07817058624195854,0.0644680810339036,0.0649890433715172,0.0,0.046176154495851385,0.07397828031927063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034694653127133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061151579558313435,0.0,0.06137087729206205,0.07593374355067377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902810196168768,0.0,0.0,0.0966285323327866,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JaySteele2468,2018/02/12,Characteristics of a quite Borderline? What are the signs of a quite Borderline? Are there any tells?,4.122156862745097,7.339545529411764,3.972941176470588,76.671568627451,93.70588235294115,9.325490196078432,23.31372549019608,8.841846274778883,3.083054901960784,82,3,14,3,3,25,12,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28355504652497804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8870014328597214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644516342328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gurneyhallack,2018/02/12,"Self destructiveness, manipulation, advice I need advice. I have talked at length on here about the things leading up to this, but the short version is this. I phoned various crisis lines drunk and hysterically depressed over an eight hour period last week. I don't have a long term history of this behaviour, but I am just now doing trauma work in therapy for the first time ever. I have made great changes in self care and being reliable, but I am having less positivity with regulating my emotions. I have agreed to any and all measure, groups, meetings, the pill that makes you sick and rehab if it comes to that. I am now firmly commited in a way I wasn't before to not drinking. But of course the crisis line thing I was detained and brought to hospital. I should have just explained my concerns to my worker today normally. I should have just said, I know I was very difficult to deal with that night and I understand I have to do better. But that the fact the hospital simply let me sleep a few hours and let me leave without any aftercare, without seeing anybody for even ten minutes of counseling considering I came in suicidal. That I never saw a doctor and was given no release paperwork or referrals seems wrong to me. I am thirty six years old and I have been in psych three times in nineteen years for a total of sixteen days. I should have pointed that out and point out every other worker I dealt with during that crisis, as well as my therapist, did their job. But the hospital didn't and I know I have a role to play but I have struggled not to be a burden on the system and I feel they let me down and would like to complain. I have never done that to an organisation in my life, but I am now very scared of what will happen to me if I go into my local hospital. And I did say this. After I threatened my worker with getting of disability support. I just felt on one hand if I burned my life down, fine I deserved it, or he would be forced to advocate for me with the hospital. He saw through this and told me not to threaten him. I didn't mean it like that, not really but I guess I did. We have a great relationship and this is the first time he has said anything like it to me. I apologised and he seemed fine, he understood I was didn't mean it like that and accepted it as a misunderstanding. He even did agree to advocate for me with the hospital. We became friendly and chatty and made more plans for me to do. I just don't know how to stop. I can do the responsibility and self care and probably get better with emotional regulation since I have stopped drinking. But how do you stop the desire to burn your life down or half knowingly manipulate people when you feel desperate enough?.",4.6058540218470725,5.8745993113207575,5.612492552135056,79.66559086395236,70.0377358490566,8.975173783515393,28.098311817279054,9.345792617884785,2.362490566037736,2145,75,417,45,38,708,247,530,0.152,0.701,0.147,-0.7213,1,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,2,4,2,10,17,26,1,2,25,0,57,12,2,8,7,105,93,44,1,11,27,0,4,4,1,6,7,3,0,3,26,36,3,3,15,4,0,5,15,9,1,8,26,10,70,17,67,55,9,59,0,1,3,0,32,23,0,9,33,321,96,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639523658769386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088368640312534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585216857481273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809373897733334,0.0,0.0,0.14154780561856434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915250742083018,0.16317770716853489,0.0,0.08465379785812976,0.06893278946781882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160826029833746,0.08250027183516566,0.06892375332167608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190700347583695,0.0,0.08189138448940993,0.0,0.15678428788445153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003036689620106,0.0,0.0826852232924073,0.0,0.1057089666364823,0.07238544863141683,0.06742288822285321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092413768991329,0.0,0.0768346969275142,0.0,0.0,0.13613516569396994,0.0,0.0,0.06182562572569526,0.0,0.0836175029618678,0.0,0.045478955070466495,0.0,0.0,0.17645143535999666,0.08815443398402573,0.0,0.07076413692078586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761320995114753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941054966164754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591434694614097,0.0652294829556219,0.0,0.08473287718984035,0.0,0.24548703379935896,0.1695679836715837,0.15638092040644175,0.0,0.0,0.07081789917117941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143952827786772,0.053416020916285514,0.0,0.0,0.1743371665792229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059336092771791527,0.12343745039736086,0.0,0.0,0.07509623070809376,0.07840561853670197,0.0,0.0,0.08397075111040103,0.0,0.05422570355186998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055477921207441806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129533463941422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627840459977358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126482803961895,0.0,0.0,0.08591482986775284,0.0,0.0,0.1522405301979051,0.06363755751459126,0.08011705366033801,0.0,0.06376802652868438,0.14569999576700876,0.25044454459501003,0.0,0.0,0.06619591081379671,0.0,0.08008086215682525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070861028225231,0.0,0.08365748810818394,0.0,0.08753225080499291,0.09080923203306562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431951280958431,0.0,0.0,0.09151335514203324,0.0929129525728227,0.106327544443122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998628772779534,0.0,0.07585251393681967,0.07646547313058895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330683850607716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320548276342362,0.0,0.06351858855776332,0.06418968019969462,0.0,0.07195035072109765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427876857232056,0.0,0.058257748359497624,0.0,0.0,0.11369218655062108,0.08749266530761544,0.0,0.10306446742380998 bpd,ChizuruN,2018/02/12,"Relationship Question- is this normal? I've been with my GF for a while now, and we've broken up and gotten back together a few times. It's always been me doing the breaking up. I just get bored and want to do other things, then I end up crawling back to her a few days/weeks later., only to get bored again. Is this typical for BPD? It's starting to wear me down thinking about it....",1.9796925858951155,3.7572293924050655,3.5987703435804725,89.36227848101265,77.86075949367087,6.033273056057867,21.4122965641953,6.868970318607317,0.4524777576853522,298,8,63,3,7,99,55,79,0.104,0.879,0.018000000000000002,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,6,1,1,0,0,9,12,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,12,9,2,15,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,10,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22945522673280855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240863449693779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473113017796568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442423787460665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28814746165076416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701872115316767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097286521235436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089154093014865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960640926558141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518504150646854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320334230033344,0.1766965017220866,0.0,0.0,0.1607984454844442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265097116503094,0.0,0.2211988251090339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GoneUnsane,2018/02/12,"I feel like the universe is asking me to die I feel like I have always had BPD, I've still got vivid memories of elementary school classes, and recess. Neither were ever enjoyable to me, I'd spend most of the time stargazing why life happen to me. I still managed to live through bullying, and a home that was filled with anger, stress and fear. I managed to survived because I thought life had a greater meaning for me. High school was very much the same, I was seeking more attention, and I started to let out some of the anger inside of me. I don't fully understand my anger, but for all the laughs, attacks sent my way, I feel like it is justified and thus, I can't really ever let it go. It's turned me into what my friend calls a black hole. I always seek the attention, the riches, the love, the respect for my ego. A strong gravitational force that devours and destroys anything nearby, always agitated and never seeking the positive side of life - only to taint it as black as I can. All of that was said in order to try to kill my ego, while I was on a LSD trip. The conversation started about that and went on to them telling me to change, to not care about my ego, and to kill myself mentally. My mental self is the ultimate defense that I have to protect me, this hate, sorrow, shame, guilt make a strong armor. Yet still, when my friend told me to do what would bring me peace. I could only imagine dying, I felt at peace with the thought, but in distress at the thought of no longer existing. It felt like it was a general agreement from them. It feels like those thoughts were forced upon me too, I've always loved the idea of suicide but never actually wanted to kill myself. I'd prefer for death to find me so it's not as painful to my environment. However, on LSD, it felt like I was the unhappiness of everyone and that I was bringing unhappiness, anxiety, stress to society and life. Or so were the words I was fed by those closest to me.... I'm now two days post-trip and I feel like I'm the black sheep with the darkest eyes in town.... almost every coworkers asking me what's going on with me; I don't even know where to begin. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either, my ego and darkness have taken control over me but I have such a hard time to let them go - they're my defense mechanism. I feel like dropping it isn't an option; I can't take anymore pain. I'm lost at sea, but there's so much comfort in knowing I'm the only person able to keep myself alive, free of the suffering from drowning and free of the suffering from society. I just wish I could let it all go. ",4.772431168831165,5.119646845714289,5.628640692640693,83.04384415584417,69.11428571428571,8.64935064935065,29.623376623376625,8.575989854853784,2.047228571428571,2034,72,421,30,33,668,238,525,0.213,0.605,0.182,-0.9699,1,0,0,0,0,4,70.0,0,0,3,5,19,46,11,6,31,0,37,10,1,3,7,81,90,29,9,8,11,0,10,8,2,1,6,1,1,2,23,20,1,5,23,0,4,10,13,23,0,1,29,16,62,25,69,54,12,50,0,4,5,2,17,20,0,5,25,279,85,5,0.06654452632401978,0.0,0.06493785852891819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663473077659368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148150668977384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090638049749697,0.0,0.06599428906579967,0.0,0.0,0.05476047520356553,0.0,0.1244202985244204,0.07570400537330613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04056492560315952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381050140352535,0.0,0.06794940150089429,0.0,0.06784657954753348,0.0,0.07039528536150333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463534466831187,0.1062607789846826,0.0,0.0,0.04291571438768372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718813689562515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043952032040640264,0.12038666761221205,0.056066633469873145,0.06358614660562728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488109259408282,0.20188147169234,0.2852365374126287,0.1916795425389488,0.0,0.06082049150441305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102824271934206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127515131660546,0.0,0.05322173665948738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884510486165762,0.0,0.059610824909298366,0.06569894298913223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030794560934543,0.06674958561202575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512067039223558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059147832533083075,0.2208649769571233,0.0,0.07314226275594579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721851467836268,0.18800946759239448,0.2600823541444645,0.0,0.11752007179269555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264121128765373,0.0,0.12011806615839267,0.0,0.04441898804799852,0.0,0.0,0.07248649736322339,0.0,0.0,0.1341224621899691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978357671189736,0.0,0.10264648208201016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183033264184986,0.14161613549341925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810411364409996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637312616123495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04263012753314764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329908307733934,0.0,0.0,0.13469322656522867,0.0,0.0,0.06942045377788235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420111646987707,0.0,0.1594276340442933,0.0,0.15245306014735813,0.0,0.0,0.07278891118480868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050033202227180336,0.0,0.058162849075918475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113156832222044,0.07760529687288209,0.0,0.0,0.06358614660562728,0.0,0.04517936527658038,0.07238133589876714,0.06500433292071423,0.0692751987220711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054906203323891664,0.11774905720540002,0.05281994760326345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061687442583447175,0.06004608466847041,0.0,0.07652292120010734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047271322244850894,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tooheavyfornoose,2018/02/12,"Fast acting meds for BPD? Hi guys, I recently got diagnosed with BPD and so far in terms of treating me they keep throwing antidepressants at me. I do sometimes have down days but my biggest issue I'm having is my psychotic episodes, lack of ability to control moods (to a point I've had to make myself stop seeing my kids as I don't trust myself), impulsiveness, hallucinations and delirium. My thing is I'm pretty good at talking myself round usually but I can't listen to myself mid episode. I don't like the idea of being constantly drugged, I'd prefer an immediate sort of relief maybe that lasts a few hours. I used to take propranolol for anxiety a few years ago and my Dr told me to use that ad hoc. I am waiting for an invitation to a DBT group therapy course because I think that will help me massively. But for the meantime just to regulate myself and make me better so I can see my kids again I need medicinal help. Do you guys have any ideas of things I can research to suggest to my doctor when I go see them?",6.637272727272728,6.1153483743842445,7.418110165696372,74.74797133900586,65.256157635468,10.92861621137483,34.21809225257501,10.436869588844218,3.425772413793103,812,32,158,18,11,272,128,203,0.067,0.807,0.125,0.9337,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,2,5,7,0,0,8,0,16,4,0,5,0,24,34,11,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,4,5,5,0,4,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,5,32,6,25,29,4,24,0,0,4,0,15,8,0,1,14,101,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174922401011136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013445081884708,0.0,0.10139578111483427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079757934469017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722437831706135,0.0,0.0,0.3338690031539056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432329541435327,0.14865934284584353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547990133877778,0.0,0.0,0.13452934861457733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356643788338476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370893566417315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532779771961076,0.11117160104434656,0.10600752809644508,0.0,0.0,0.2624787554082541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768287037814312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052912032326516,0.0,0.0,0.2992520378723547,0.0,0.13834147802640118,0.0,0.1178111785267517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804103326082608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475429306440178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769482703520338,0.0,0.13315824198597032,0.0,0.14722648072231814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827968093946192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529690211637612,0.0,0.0,0.13484487702190834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087118899727704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168611721106264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108938433124745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110812701336255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965657687548342,0.10653382961057956,0.0,0.0,0.15157559126195802,0.0,0.176112660183691,0.084928829825645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665145194278654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22895088306063746,0.14597846715107127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535397682456622 bpd,devondusk,2018/02/12,"New here Hi everyone! I’m a 23yo (not sure of my gender but I usually identify as male and gay) from Spain. I got diagnosed almost two years ago but been suffering since I was 18-19 more or less. I’ve been in and out from meds and therapy ever since, and been through a mess of abusive relationships, self hate and meltdowns/breakdowns over the past 3 years. This is my first reddit post, and trying to meet new people to talk about our issues and get some advice/help/encouragement when needed. I also hope others can rely on me when they need it. Thanks everyone for reading! Hope it was not too boring.",2.9732126348228043,5.209609957627119,4.093636363636364,84.81969953775041,76.54237288135593,7.3417565485362095,22.59167950693375,8.296473431620573,1.3837694915254244,477,14,92,9,11,155,90,118,0.14400000000000002,0.736,0.12,-0.7344,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,1,1,7,8,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,2,21,16,14,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,6,0,9,4,14,10,3,16,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,5,11,60,13,1,0.0,0.18536462310893545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868120796932593,0.0,0.1566595032327502,0.0,0.0,0.12511095394464802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15879084914152827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415156580072811,0.0,0.298984449209224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307410477767534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173732550051949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512530221234522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544594485734691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048634151425312,0.0,0.0,0.3107751981771967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329047151073456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377782714903095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23200757530531305,0.0,0.3021958072417405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934677516217273,0.10846094999734136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983339271018958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564897677676597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796599193890602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16320879031532404,0.0,0.0,0.258829862999286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744985211663547,0.0,0.0,0.12574651881076432,0.0,0.14403577497079745,0.1789112717297992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621753608234297,0.0,0.15282640726016866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723047423778692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149403230085328 bpd,BlueMirror9,2018/02/12,"Anyone else prejudiced for emotions? I feel that since my family and SO know I'm emotional and have issues with it, they are quick to judge or dismiss just about any time that I'm emotional even if it is typical. I was a bit worried and tensed that something broke and it was enough for my SO to be like, ""It isn't a big deal! Calm down!"" When I felt like my reaction was not induced by the BPD and instead, I was a bit worried much like ANYONE else would be. I feel like I run into this a lot when I just have a moment of, ""Oh shit"". There was no crying, yelling, or anything. Just a concern on how we were going to replace what had broke. Maybe they are worried I'll snowball...",2.5624935064935066,3.881923457142858,3.7864935064935072,90.58396103896106,75.14285714285714,6.8051948051948035,25.584415584415584,7.348242739294969,1.0637857142857143,524,18,115,6,11,171,86,140,0.166,0.71,0.124,-0.4949,0,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,1,0,2,0,13,8,1,0,7,0,16,1,1,2,0,23,23,13,0,2,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,8,4,13,5,12,12,5,11,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,4,9,82,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152303702413714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882112014274413,0.2757983481152517,0.11075274019033854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29386592242841,0.0,0.16950624793997893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783630743718668,0.0,0.13875216822680606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22485852379528268,0.4541731172127079,0.0,0.13906322678622826,0.0,0.08889272723326397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268756223737894,0.0,0.1361013644754316,0.09614820422764744,0.12922358383306412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648827675773744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140472728244955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396489889678033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630075185576363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442013169065222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352096407160076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893613282910874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815050720756208,0.1113308592669091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361081227362552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847812907033329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100355874653373,0.0,0.09560597221948244,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sbbal05,2018/02/12,"Constant guilt Hi guys, First ever Reddit post! Just wondered who else feels guilt very easily. I feel bad at the thought of upsetting/annoying anyone. I feel guilty every time I go on a night out, every time I don’t do enough during the day. Guilty for not being a better person. It’s seeing the people around me seemingly having their shit together. They go the gym, have relationships, work and play. It sounds like I’m moaning and I should ‘just get on with things’ and I wish I could! So much. Anyway, so wondered whether you guys have a similar problem? ",2.537610062893084,5.256621283018873,3.3285849056603776,86.93143081761008,81.45283018867924,6.174842767295598,21.097484276729556,7.492282038375204,0.9716503144654092,440,13,81,7,12,139,78,106,0.214,0.696,0.091,-0.9179,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,3,7,8,1,2,7,0,8,1,1,0,1,22,21,6,0,4,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,4,6,0,0,7,2,0,2,2,5,0,1,1,5,11,3,8,17,2,15,0,0,1,0,9,5,1,3,8,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149656300647486,0.0,0.0,0.14636782274776214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728304776407174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454152976764319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776785935048554,0.0,0.13127524094230314,0.0,0.0,0.10603669200027883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735102729005189,0.0,0.0,0.1698888415255052,0.0,0.0,0.1487264534293712,0.2770602996856387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494056517505761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985476890376256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590217298688531,0.0,0.18688628228985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256014397294989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032684785342477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086692779816426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429615026632748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398747428962945,0.14356438172672728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746801037331254,0.0,0.0,0.15732683565982472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652453890674444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102070384468167,0.1496809375696582,0.0,0.0,0.1687738028812804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923271794170997,0.0,0.0,0.1305303682833017,0.1917481528505471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566294430440728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890738052955744,0.0,0.3566109150211439,0.1196990342963528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cynicalbae,2018/02/12,"How to Stop Crying Some background — these past few months have been really hard for me as a person living with BPD. I recently failed to complete a partial hospitalization program which confirms the idea that I literally can’t finish anything I start. Through all of this I’ve been heavily reliant on my long distance boyfriend. I am the absolute worst — the distance kills me because I need him way more than he could ever need me (I’m sure you all know what I mean). Every time I talk to him I end up bawling. Real waterworks. The kind of crying you just can’t stop. I cry to him for hours and then tell him he’s not meeting my needs and come to him with a list of the places he has gone wrong. I know this is typical BPD behavior for me, but I actually don’t know how to stop. Does anyone have a similar experience? I honestly think this has ruined my relationship and there’s no turning it around. It’s all centered on my mental health now and any positive aspects or things we used to laugh about or whatever have all faded out. 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I had like shit tone of tantrums when i was a kid. Once when I was in early primary school i threw a tantrum cause i accidentaly broke my pencil.",0.8288235294117676,3.2001227647058847,2.0700980392156865,95.36044117647059,86.05882352941177,5.752941176470588,18.303921568627448,7.1686216300943375,0.13482745098039214,195,5,44,3,6,62,36,51,0.198,0.5920000000000001,0.21,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,2,0,0,4,7,3,0,2,1,6,1,1,3,0,5,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,6,0,9,3,4,1,1,5,0,1,0,0,5,1,1,1,4,28,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832112848616518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.692999023943032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985833584930477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394753144835491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275767422869481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23082206777650305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148363236368266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thewildiris,2018/02/12,"Laughable or Enfuriating? If your boyfriend made it a big deal to make you a drawing that was very specific to certain special/romantic aspects of your relationship and then you saw on his ex girlfriends instagram that he had literally made her THE EXACT SAME DRAWING with the exception of one minute detail, how would you respond? I was in utter disbelief. Why would anyone do that? lol I can’t decide if it’s just so pathetic that it’s laughable or if I should be offended. To make matters worse, when I brought it up to him he basically told me I was crazy and that my feelings weren’t valid. What the hell is going on here? Am I wrong to feel upset about this? He’s an artist and literally could have drawn anything but chose to replicate a drawing he had already made for another girl... wtf?",3.2488235294117658,5.740215843137258,4.352705882352943,82.02317647058824,76.84313725490195,7.478692810457518,29.807843137254906,8.447377352677275,2.4957341176470584,636,30,118,13,15,207,105,153,0.13699999999999998,0.818,0.045,-0.9442,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,5,0,0,6,5,2,1,7,1,16,0,0,6,2,29,27,13,0,7,8,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,3,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,12,3,16,1,16,10,1,9,1,0,1,0,19,5,1,5,2,83,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223019853633186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123494502125173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085656033020902,0.0,0.1657738743713461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083919068018968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768320914545604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037155058876564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448708140608185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5718426107806251,0.2689351294705998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136505830602878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21627889439892967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924914245169464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621503042453067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177475741982066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052918984764012,0.2862046103893232,0.22025088043442806,0.0,0.0 bpd,diamonddusty,2018/02/12,"I think I might have BPD. Hi. Just for a bit of background, I'm 21/f with a history of anorexia. It's become apparent recently that I had been numbing feelings of depression, anxiety and loneliness through starving myself. I often flit from happiness, to deep sadness , to a state of numbness where I feel no motivation to do anything. Although I have never gone through with them, I frequently get intrusive thoughts of harming myself (cutting, pulling hair, head banging etc) . But most worrying is my feelings towards friendships and relationships. I get obsessed with certain people and am so terrified of being rejected or losing them that I struggle to concentrate on anything else. I recently went on a couple of dates with a guy I really like. They went well, but now I find myself obsessively checking my texts, thinking about him way more than I deem 'normal'. I have felt the same way towards friends and previous relationships before. I am aware that this sounds a little creepy, but I can't help it. I want an romantic and sexual relationship so much it hurts. Apologies for the probably largely incoherent rant! Also, I was diagnosed with Asperger's at 16, however I have reasons to doubt this diagnosis. 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We're in a no-label ""relationship"", I don't know how else to call it. He has commitment issues so that's why. I don't think he even likes me. He's probably not even ""loyal"". He ""cheated"" on me once. He doesn't even give me any affection at all. It feels like he only wants me for sex. Maybe he even still talks to the girls he used to fuck. He's had sex with more than 50 people before because he used to be a manslut before I met him (I'm not slut shaming though). Every moment hurts but I can't let go of him. I've grown attached and dependent on him, and now I don't know how to let go. What's more is that in a few months, he'll move away to the other side of the world. I'll never see him again. He doesn't want to have a long distance relationship. I don't know how I'll be able to cope. Maybe I'll turn to alcohol and sex? But I'm currently taking medication so I can't drink. And I'm demisexual so I don't really get attracted to strangers - or to anyone else, for that matter. So I don't know how I'll be able to cope. I talked to my psychiatrist about it and she said that I should just wait for college which is in a few months and I'll find someone better. But I'm scared that I won't be able to find anyone. And I need to know what to do now at this very moment. Any advice? 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I think I've been going through a bit of a depressive patch, some of my friends appear to have noticed me isolating myself but when they asked I assured them I just needed some alone time to relax. I said that because I didn't realise how I was feeling, but I could've admitted I wasn't sure how I felt and I didn't. I feel so isolated but I keep pushing people away. Everytime I try and talk to my friends about being down I feel like their problems are more important and stop myself. I resent them for not being there for me but don't give them the chance because I don't know how. I want to reach out but I don't. What do I even say? I dunno how to do this.",1.6540502354788058,3.342082421768712,3.2689795918367364,91.76585557299843,78.52380952380952,6.155729984301415,23.55259026687598,7.010146845296331,0.7242175824175819,544,18,120,6,13,180,85,147,0.155,0.665,0.18,0.5634,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,0,13,10,1,0,3,0,14,0,0,5,2,34,29,16,0,3,7,0,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,2,7,1,0,3,7,4,0,0,7,6,32,6,15,20,4,10,0,2,0,0,14,3,0,4,5,90,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885834323445573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852433695515394,0.0,0.1894656645943803,0.0,0.0,0.2458594230577192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015985879806105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100863878327334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736889641269947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331941459161032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058951878889681,0.1440655309164187,0.1936246689304208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116031374171295,0.0,0.0,0.1934500923786243,0.11460769640476345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792441593996877,0.0,0.0,0.11082674413257332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985206070679798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952790572469518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295905878133872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398052514851824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929608315463032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182428926068504,0.1603676658857355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859630597206396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19006161809503308,0.0,0.0,0.16208620416985145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921521455996754,0.0,0.0,0.11758923029988068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691350983457545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118943951536362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,riverwillow1012,2018/02/12,"How to deal with a FP issue My husband has BPD. I’m his FP. Truth be told, he’s mine as well, but in a healthy way. In the beginning of our relationship I was much more codependent than I am now. I’ve worked very hard on myself during the last few years to be happy with myself for who I am, and not just because of what others think of me. Lately we’ve been running into an issue around the FP thing. If I choose to hang out with anyone else, be it drinks after work with coworkers or going out with my team after a race, he views it as me choosing other people over him. I guess when it’s super simplified, that is what I’m doing. In that particular moment. But overall, I’m not putting anyone else above him. So how is the best way to navigate this? He’s getting treatment and we think we’ve found a marriage counselor that specializes in BPD relationships, just waiting to see if their hours work with our schedules. But in the meantime, I don’t want to disregard every other relationship in my life, but I also want my husband to feel safe and validated and taken care of and loved. I’m really curious to know how those with BPD would want to be treated in a similar situation. Thanks! 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Hey, anyone had experience with getting a bpd/eupd diagnosis in NHS system? Or any other disorders for that matter. I feel like any time we mention 'mental health' in the doctor's office it is accepted to be anxiety and they give us medication and push us out the door. Even with a suicide attempt and sh. Also British therapists don't like giving diagnoses as far as I've heard ... I'm not sure if I have bpd but I wonder if I'll ever be able even to bring it up as a question :/ ",2.321606160616064,4.2088645049504985,4.90943894389439,79.85236523652368,77.21782178217822,7.657205720572058,25.083608360836077,8.515128840125781,1.9036327832783275,389,14,75,8,9,138,74,101,0.107,0.831,0.062,-0.6661,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,3,0,1,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,6,4,0,0,2,19,14,11,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,2,7,4,13,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,5,4,47,11,1,0.14652492534849612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171759298631949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928394758152765,0.0,0.11209116683524244,0.0,0.0,0.10245363467787567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5536290423847633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871971490327549,0.0,0.0,0.16793025877358256,0.14997446988688942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355666256639745,0.13254018368800394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332949291963334,0.0,0.0,0.07408740483760189,0.10467743594603006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655322590131777,0.2811201197802858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574914383104296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316935453082938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760844708463974,0.14766266172104428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414145019480875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602744863735344,0.0,0.13809800808969402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701267317372386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543986229294441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525028881120555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15890003120559654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,caramia886,2018/02/12,"Lost siser Hi Everyone, I lost my 27-yo sister earlier this week who suffered with BPD. My family and I spent the better part of 16 years by her side as she struggled with BPD, eating disorders, substance abuse, and self-harm. She passed under difficult circumstances and the police are involved. I am heartbroken, but I also have a question. My family and I struggled to find good treatment for her. When my parents were financially-able, they spent in the 6-figures to help her (this was with good private insurance). When she was pediatric, everyone seemed to be clueless of how to help us, even in psychiatric settings. As an adult, she was often non-compliant and wanted to sign herself out of programs, even when she was a danger to herself (and at times others). When she was ready for treatment, the insurance would kick her out in a few days or weeks. Every doctor she saw appealed the companies for long-term residential care. My sister struggled in outpatient settings. She might have been able to step down to one but desperately needed in-patient long-term care. When she was willing to go into these programs, they weren't available. Eventually, she ended up on Medicare/Medicaid because she couldn't keep a job and was having constant health issues from damaging her body. On these programs, very little was allowable. Ultimately, she ended up self-medicating with heroin, and died of an OD. (When she tried to seek help for this, no beds were available because she hadn't been court-ordered to go). It seems like this was unnecessary. I think there is a good chance my sister could still be with me if the mental health system were improved and insurance companies were held accountable to provide services for families. After reading articles, there is clearly a biological component to this disease related to structures in the brain. This is my long-winded way of asking- how do I make a change in the world so no other family has to go through this? Nobody else should ever need to experience this in their life. I do not want my baby sister to have died in vain. ",6.6939384615384565,8.254349693333339,6.6494,73.07877692307696,65.4,9.715897435897435,33.62307692307692,9.943994293440598,3.5902984615384614,1665,72,269,37,26,528,205,375,0.14400000000000002,0.74,0.117,-0.8065,2,0,0,0,1,0,60.0,1,0,3,3,17,17,1,3,17,0,37,8,2,4,2,46,58,25,3,9,5,5,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,1,14,17,1,2,5,1,3,5,6,10,0,1,23,1,42,7,56,27,2,47,0,4,1,0,39,21,0,7,18,202,56,8,0.08792348195726042,0.1041749487651876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031237675534206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219658683241801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107194677049782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776117476522305,0.0,0.09766316752434984,0.22147309523554132,0.09815168390561356,0.0,0.0,0.1792876992966488,0.0,0.0930113856731177,0.0,0.0,0.09501404860658884,0.0,0.07019974594403128,0.0,0.0,0.05670337213425245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825013858880976,0.0,0.10076792765626688,0.08999340942018749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996767216361133,0.07344878708050599,0.0,0.15574821588414886,0.0,0.0,0.11614526121332608,0.07953182314468113,0.07407932565767407,0.16802930977640973,0.0,0.08600603654763789,0.331545735199197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036046964075741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499068229812438,0.2212381354932094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691709966638811,0.0,0.0,0.1767997698254839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176927192562076,0.08725048902675357,0.07815043060358272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621029555126882,0.04295497209769845,0.08812242724866874,0.0,0.23342854422465675,0.0,0.0,0.19195773365053387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868960694349783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766316752434984,0.0,0.08860618998926205,0.09327291992401326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130388295593828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059579226851837724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762862167096284,0.09521256287894428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849442202626553,0.0,0.0879472753001606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008447159769595,0.18344673416065166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702158062664599,0.0,0.0,0.2757501407290007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056337817043612924,0.0,0.0,0.05126888939119064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969427280004622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576112306178563,0.0,0.0,0.07254608070667594,0.10371909535451856,0.06978956747645591,0.14105382752687726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062458318934501995,0.0,0.0,0.05661983969588586 bpd,gloriousdead09,2018/02/12,"I think I've FP'd my therapist. For the first time in my four years of having therapy I have a male therapist. At first I was really resistant to that, just because I thought it would be weird talking to him about intimate things between my partner of three years and I. I've been seeing this therapist since August 2017, and recently he asked me to email him every day once I'd completed my daily mood tracking cards and food diary (I had issues with completing them, so emailing him was incentive). At first I just emailed him a couple of pictures off the internet that said ""done"", but then I decided to turn it into a creative exercise (I'm a graphic designer so I gravitate towards that stuff). But I've noticed that this simple act of emailing him something personal that I've created, every day, has caused me to grow a weird emotional attachment. I keep checking my phone every day constantly to see if he's emailed back. I keep looking out for him when I'm in group (I'm in a four day a week therapy programme). I think about him a lot, but not in THAT way. A friend of mine suggested that maybe he's become an FP (favourite person). So, I wanted to know, has anyone else FP'd their therapist? What have you done about it? How did you bring it up with them, if at all (especially if they're of the opposite sex)? NOTE: I've been with my boyfriend for three years and fully intend to marry him. This attachment to my therapist isn't romantic at all. Just bloody annoying.",4.913222996515677,6.066514355400701,5.753538327526133,79.37149216027876,69.20905923344948,9.921184668989547,31.771602787456445,10.125756701596842,3.2771422996515693,1168,50,222,30,20,383,156,287,0.05,0.882,0.068,0.7187,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,2,3,3,12,5,1,0,13,0,16,3,0,3,2,34,33,16,0,5,10,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,17,9,1,2,5,1,1,3,2,3,0,7,10,4,36,1,38,21,3,35,0,0,3,1,32,13,0,4,18,151,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673876797060281,0.09779674016179814,0.0,0.0,0.08923006904837863,0.0,0.0,0.07339285835546898,0.0,0.05818361080048096,0.10541372258823996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805037036738047,0.0,0.0,0.2001487460352121,0.103144308595405,0.0,0.0,0.10561030006583554,0.0,0.2462216987734946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953508574725728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973372855584804,0.10736503834790694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24125466512258825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435615313775186,0.11541490219112713,0.0,0.07374212241371249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962187952082983,0.0,0.1696753743105046,0.0,0.0,0.052455180010572935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015144864570475,0.0,0.0,0.08114563386400961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958893495253842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866705240459043,0.0,0.10164794956862938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668129345278082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114579804801463,0.0,0.09424240660885794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079196273719686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211781726957124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895475219572952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347977067391473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926398984795924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671669039369639,0.0,0.0,0.21830394624113514,0.554106670334674,0.06341075166033819,0.12231717881633168,0.0,0.07577426363923137,0.055655918532682584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381893753121364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562971188754335,0.0757613930792149,0.07656183337285109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780281670982033,0.0,0.0,0.18439423339581276 bpd,BeautyOfDestruction,2018/02/12,"Does anyone else have BPD and parents with BPD? My mom has BPD, and honestly, I’m so scared of becoming her, but I can see that I’m on the slippery slope to it anyway. I hate my BPD, and I hated my mom’s when I was growing up. I’m a little more of a quiet borderline than her, but I feel like it’s getting louder ",0.5519047619047619,1.8226325714285707,3.457142857142859,91.0561904761905,80.42857142857143,6.3809523809523805,21.666666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.5392380952380953,240,7,57,3,6,86,47,70,0.179,0.72,0.101,-0.8247,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,12,7,0,0,2,3,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,10,2,7,11,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,2,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524407955340193,0.15422112536127916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623276910031878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7582770380378773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171730644250562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573655652314894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610526218175688,0.10752844865667917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786382427735153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29720619169284096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353436988949306,0.15085627680365213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525643456067513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167129876406988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069247688282514,0.0,0.11994152835770433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Seeing11,2018/02/12,Does anyone with BPD not self harm by cutting ? Just curious to see if cutting or burning (physical harm not including alcohol abuse/reckless behaviour) is really a hallmark of BPD... Does anyone here not do it ? ,5.995315315315317,8.3390142972973,7.079459459459461,66.27342342342342,68.18918918918922,11.41981981981982,39.36036036036036,11.20814326018867,5.709295495495494,167,10,24,6,3,56,30,37,0.073,0.725,0.202,0.7476,0,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,15,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793107489305581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654932586519965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6583390409453423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574298882827642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743174665203436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082673924898286,0.0,0.27265196005735354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Paularizer,2018/02/12,"I regret telling other people I have BPD I did it again. I told somebody I had BPD even though it wasn't necessary to the conversation. They seemed very interested about it, and I naturally wanted to feel understood, so I told them about it with details. Now, I feel an unmesurable regret for doing so and for letting the relationship be tainted by BPD, which means it won't probably last much longer and the other person will see me as a sick and pitiful person. I don't think telling people about my disorder will help me control it at all. On the contrary, it will only make it worse to get away from it. Yet I can't help it.",5.197983870967743,5.857161379032259,5.966290322580644,79.89443548387098,68.2741935483871,8.780645161290323,30.01612903225807,8.841846274778883,2.2897451612903224,497,18,97,8,8,163,78,124,0.142,0.792,0.066,-0.8593,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,10,4,0,0,6,0,13,1,0,2,1,17,25,8,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,13,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,3,15,1,15,13,2,7,0,3,1,0,12,3,0,1,4,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064824918209606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5656264176427249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16790148381290862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156937843210848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887555861116272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513858204050473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821216665050505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068175342039105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220256288633238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530785789892934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992603418489034,0.0,0.0,0.16306738473270554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004685877885548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113853734454571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756651491392988,0.2614248501118073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140211606114335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160721972155299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929166361520545,0.1362814237002973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616891154193113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959218322457323,0.1470796691267709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860898790640351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351832834140752,0.08829704617036772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525572750976478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thway9395839579535,2018/02/12,"Really bad issues with attachment and abandonment I'm not sure if this is related to my BPD or not, but if not any suggestions for another subreddit will be appreciated. So I've had attachment issues for a long time. It's on the other side of the FP problem though. Although I have attachment/abandonment issues of getting too invested in someone, etc, similar patterns, I'm also terrified of commitment and intimacy of any sort. I can be friends with people but as soon as there's any indication they feel anything more for me I feel a terror I can't describe and immediately try to detach myself from them. It doesn't happen beforehand; I could totally be very much in love with someone or crushing on someone but the second they suggest going further the fear takes over everything else. I don't know if this has to deal with any abandonment fears, this whole fear of commitment and intimacy. I want a relationship but I run very fast as soon as someone discloses their feelings to me. I have a close friend who told me a while back they might have feelings for me, I told them I want to stay friends, and I was flattered for 2 seconds before feeling incredibly anxious and terrified and cringing at any form of affection they give me now (though before they told me, I was totally fine with them being affectionate towards me and I was to them too). I keep reading into it, I'm afraid me continuing to be nice will just be leading them on, and I genuinely think I can't deal with people being in love with me. I'd hate to ruin our friendship but I'm afraid this is where it's going if I can't deal with this anxiety. Any advice is appreciated <3 I don't want to ruin more friendships or my future or wtv by emotionally running as fast as I can out the door as soon as someone indicates a strong level of attachment to me, whilst I can only be extremely unhealthily attached to people I never have a chance with. ",6.9451184041184035,6.945136829729734,7.833320463320465,70.28301801801804,64.48648648648647,11.371943371943376,36.267696267696266,11.013438906972478,4.151120978120979,1537,69,275,40,21,519,175,370,0.157,0.649,0.194,0.9341,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,11,2,14,24,1,6,12,0,33,2,0,2,6,63,60,36,0,9,17,0,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,11,21,0,3,7,1,1,5,10,13,0,2,7,5,47,11,53,41,8,36,0,4,0,2,29,16,0,10,14,208,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386044026482549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862869224362858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501554472058148,0.08998774562339734,0.06565060077565772,0.09695000985590864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062097247419409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598881077915754,0.07165451705527541,0.0,0.0,0.14604974050383854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808487491506263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851875846463694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654240347346678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168999878578099,0.09653379577509102,0.0,0.0,0.09570985070172162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712776197379616,0.0,0.0,0.28970761626516983,0.21696101373657425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989085207245919,0.0,0.04483640784222802,0.08232452776956012,0.09754479172656944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588864989260731,0.0,0.0,0.0847275927970226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687153561450385,0.0,0.07627905780034443,0.0,0.0,0.04716337564261673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594630543360716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549083460706153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103942736003984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308616745030389,0.0,0.06618819831949255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526852139484758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848636565697484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211631816634038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584130943606352,0.0,0.05497726328886533,0.0,0.0,0.092136507673588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36356692822386577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914706610492527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088253029193694,0.0,0.06452452036156593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498876422592569,0.16863166723754913,0.0,0.05004121598596555,0.0,0.0,0.24600857602950585,0.0,0.0582648470404654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161781683540198,0.15185319150085508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581282810346244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,idontknowimjushere,2018/02/12,"What is it like to be in a relationship when you have BPD? Is it possible to maintain a healthy, stable romantic relationship when you have BPD? Or does everything else get in the way of it? Does the fear of abandonment ever go away? Do you split on the person alot? What has y'alls experience been?",2.821052631578948,5.429391719298248,4.262368421052631,81.42407894736844,79.17543859649123,8.712280701754386,25.28947368421053,9.2995712137729,2.498663157894737,236,9,46,7,6,78,40,57,0.099,0.735,0.166,0.5362,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,8,0,0,0,1,4,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,8,8,1,9,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,4,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613406151021784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5258442354591566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653692929023601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438967585058165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888326466549348,0.0,0.0,0.1876173195354951,0.20420439099009446,0.0,0.2349096487079693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090669097829786,0.0,0.11864140673889137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198811931472412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227854925426148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353421369655034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482537586648279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570157975013894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daki-makura,2018/02/12,"Recommended to DBT? For a while now, I've suspected that I have bpd, and went to the school counseling center after a couple of my friends kept telling me to go. The therapist there told me I should go to DBT, but refused to give any diagnosis at all...has this happened to any of you?",4.039210526315788,5.0233679649122855,5.286798245614037,82.5396710526316,71.10526315789474,9.208771929824564,30.03947368421053,9.516144504307137,2.5565473684210533,222,9,47,5,4,74,43,57,0.084,0.8540000000000001,0.063,-0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,11,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37491297641282895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471808519585542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050096757258233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21297222743159772,0.0,0.0,0.26443570120779625,0.3133249117636774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437629330135639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27898001067200184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24093672220489545,0.0,0.0,0.3200594936875251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634024636723461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255537176279973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Idontknow666753367,2018/02/12,"How do you deal with someone not wanting you? How do you deal with someone changing their mind about you, and suddenly leaving you, without manipulating them into staying with you? ",8.502580645161286,9.98254070967742,7.584032258064513,68.29604838709679,61.25806451612904,8.780645161290323,44.532258064516135,8.841846274778883,4.515309677419356,146,9,21,2,2,45,20,31,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.3549,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,6,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,12,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,0,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957279143768156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5764096577503012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29600416856066536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282266841414081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737253479165993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979641942503429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648864358286132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694772096284289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,314159265358979326,2018/02/12,"Self-help: it doesn't look like I'm going to be getting professional help in the near future. What can I do on my own? Pretty much the title. I had access to professional help but it sorta fell through. Social anxiety shot down the publicly-funded DBT group (18 people with forced participation was way too much for me) and I can't afford anything private. There might be positive news on Tuesday, there might not be, so I'm still asking this. What can I do from home to get better? Thank you, all.",1.6458934707903798,4.300786020618556,3.1336340206185582,86.99330326460483,85.70103092783506,5.295189003436427,19.423539518900345,6.816661863887847,0.4164302405498281,392,11,75,5,12,128,73,97,0.073,0.752,0.175,0.8899,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,13,0,0,0,1,9,21,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,1,7,3,12,14,4,11,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,4,52,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039212894299695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253533081696765,0.0,0.1960072231518821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543047250653347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908122158839116,0.0,0.11915669184650325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215994030024322,0.0,0.210309749735636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102431075618773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760646724606646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448400288651228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082538342272243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453543853713683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330332154654405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872492730397405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137257016905541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743767275542554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930301324382847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642125729527227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,123bpdthrow,2018/02/12,"Could anyone spare a few kind words My FP/best friend left for an extended visit to a friend in another state last week and she may end up living there. I have been mildly anxious and depressed about this but I've been coping. Until yesterday. I tried calling her yesterday and didn't leave a message figuring she would just call me back. She didn't. I called AND texted today and still haven't heard back. This is somebody I talk or text with a few times a week. I'm losing it. Hopefully that's enough said. I don't think there's any tensions between us and logically I know she will get back to me but what if. WHAT IF????? Please give me a few kind words. I am feeling that familiar hollow panic that I get when I am afraid someone is going to leave me. I've always trusted she would be around but it now occurs to me that certainly isn't guaranteed. (BTW, I have been on this sub before, not really a newbie but I always end up feeling ashamed and deleting my account.) Say something, someone. I feel ridiculous but WHAT IF.",1.1714592760180975,3.7459125637254935,2.451372549019609,91.4623303167421,87.57843137254902,5.2953242835595775,21.08144796380091,6.8449194561589275,0.616141628959276,809,27,161,11,26,259,120,204,0.107,0.741,0.151,0.7355,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,11,14,1,4,8,0,20,0,0,0,1,35,33,18,0,7,11,0,3,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,12,9,0,0,7,0,1,2,6,7,0,0,7,6,26,7,14,20,4,25,0,2,0,0,19,6,0,6,16,110,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026423595074104,0.0,0.0,0.08280678265717255,0.12768493113172708,0.0,0.1375637898906685,0.0,0.08514339425896246,0.0,0.0,0.10839981681498992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28089747225350703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361605865804996,0.0,0.12778856995502155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37301788089813503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722227060118578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048790648651121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157015668178225,0.12581945235334985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847094973119628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815614351553586,0.0,0.12723807242572807,0.11681147900626104,0.0692038673020569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209436353943916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536063918221967,0.06692080492903828,0.09925761213397064,0.0,0.2578706032309483,0.13230187473793406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752385151013444,0.0,0.0,0.13622784880397085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286914490945885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366529024901666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800804463118383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582976602569665,0.096835230247554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063481771676603,0.09374337097896474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724451314625628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787293974786047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802436347933732,0.0,0.0,0.07100421477004511,0.0,0.11542233766975694,0.0,0.0,0.08267284539938638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464725603650491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953507552589233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17300175386921382,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mami227,2018/02/12,How do you describe bpd to others? topic/,1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,85.25,3.2,20.5,3.1291,0.0400999999999998,33,1,5,0,1,11,8,8,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CrazyCatPersona,2018/02/12,"Help me please I'm going to start this off saying I'm sorry for the long post, but I could really use some help. Also, trigger warning. I talk about self harm and suicide attempts. I am 16 and was diagnosed with BPD about 9 months ago. Before that, I was diagnosed with an entire boatload of different things, my diagnosis switching all the time. Last year, I had two suicide attempts. Neither one of them was because I wanted to die, my first one, I was trying to get a reaction out of my mom, and the second one was a cry for help. After the first suicide attempt, I got into a relationship that lasted for 7 months (I won't go into detail over why it ended) about a week after we broke up, I cut myself bad enough I need stitches. I refused to go to the hospital, and was in a horrible mindset at the time so my parents called the police. I was in the pediatric psych unit for a week and then got out. Fast forward a week after that and I was sent to a residential treatment facility (Tanager Place in Iowa) for 4 months. When we set my discharge date there were certain rules in place: No smoking Have to go to school That was it for the most part. I have been home since January 4th, and I am now smoking(my parents buy the cigarettes for me) and I havent gone to school in over 2 weeks. (I did have my wisdom teeth out and was sick, but 4 of those days I flat put refused to go to school) When I was in the residential treatment facility, I learned a few things, like distress tolerance, and I lost all urge to self harm, though I occasionally had the urge to overdose, not because I wanted to die, but because I wanted out of my situation. I have now been home just over 2 months, and as I said, I'm breaking my parents rules, and not only that I have been very suicidal and had the urge to self harm for the first time in over 6 months, tonight. I don't know what to do. Lately (past 2-3 weeks) I have felt hopeless, alone, confused (like I dont know what I'm doing with my life) I know what I want to do in the future, but I'm so overwhelmed with what I'm feeling now that I feel paralyzed. I don't have the motivation to do anything. I'm going to school tomorrow, but already I'm planning out which classes to skip. I am EXTREMELY lonely, but I'm making no effort to make friends because I don't trust anyone. I see a therapist weekly, and I see my psychiatrist soon. I don't feel like my medication is working properly, and I HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE taking medication. How do I cope with this? I feel paralyzed and stuck, I feel like ending it just so that I don't feel this way anymore. I know that I won't do that, but I'm not sure what I SHOULD do. ",4.125,4.766139500000001,5.447037037037037,82.72666666666669,70.66666666666666,8.37037037037037,29.074074074074076,8.515128840125781,1.989074074074074,2070,76,432,32,36,695,230,540,0.214,0.716,0.07,-0.9983,4,3,1,0,0,5,71.0,2,0,1,11,18,21,1,3,27,0,48,8,1,6,4,76,95,33,6,7,12,4,7,4,1,3,7,2,2,3,24,30,0,2,13,0,1,10,15,12,0,8,27,11,65,9,68,64,8,81,0,5,2,0,22,25,0,3,48,292,89,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575769363147668,0.0,0.0,0.06727174356614057,0.07167727662037479,0.051942909446996026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441594593989024,0.045416664282517234,0.0,0.05345080400576074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423306155474564,0.15837904107753756,0.0,0.05527023900453571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180605934282847,0.0,0.06632429920360816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05185970401001848,0.0,0.0713478463844796,0.04188932674481121,0.0,0.0,0.1318519032573142,0.13482196732051874,0.06786208503849914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612445982779252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505819953080855,0.06711383634016632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970532018889274,0.09280490597064532,0.06236508857941232,0.0,0.0,0.16574702589027485,0.0,0.0,0.0501825448533766,0.0,0.03393527395524062,0.0,0.2214858006776172,0.0,0.1038977329709968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060992755584988,0.0,0.13030635708514926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278593224667116,0.10589076667678966,0.07326983969208421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587824140564701,0.12693106556375786,0.0,0.0,0.0574813818682083,0.0,0.0,0.07090389798196316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671329514442228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086667559593104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607219612901077,0.2592244184529846,0.0,0.0,0.04816184392788138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320415492163796,0.049399701286988125,0.0,0.0,0.2163679378611493,0.07033779485290502,0.062005010543534925,0.0,0.0,0.13572417007699827,0.07129891480484171,0.0,0.0,0.062207041864015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529572878927671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041610570088085996,0.0,0.0,0.06973523927662995,0.0,0.0,0.06178519946610935,0.051653251331479286,0.0,0.26294370993963895,0.10351830050810297,0.0,0.20328050779758175,0.0,0.0,0.05372981226687155,0.07300991986841783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270959205518594,0.04597408436319956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841922617412649,0.0,0.06121745598595516,0.0,0.0488365901881633,0.052206779933532135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541546656773272,0.08630380534828562,0.0,0.06381601582994742,0.0,0.11362389106946275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409883934582684,0.0,0.06344966594161486,0.0,0.0,0.05609855766579686,0.0,0.053593046840007964,0.1532439046021804,0.051556686760686816,0.3126083854002612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058610000935834676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728657471382736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04182761758232535 bpd,riverarix,2018/02/13,"question about growing up & school anyone else ever feel like their lives never truly belonged to them & like they were only a machine for Good Grades? which is even weirder in my case cuz my parents didn’t care as long as i passed lol",3.786063829787235,5.826049680851067,3.5542021276595754,90.50875,73.46808510638297,4.7,24.51595744680851,3.1291,0.2406638297872337,193,6,36,0,4,58,43,47,0.07,0.649,0.281,0.8932,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,6,4,7,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,22,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5122055246596517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527279663782204,0.2421851832164829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409911723439577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974536945391404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611769670646802,0.21380682973209714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951389164129997,0.16886011548610078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825281878924927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23095324719847826,0.0,0.2087157529837286,0.20917671709373795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823002443077912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976720469795426,0.0,0.0,0.26245677849746185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26478432515524986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23921529127347754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blairphoenix11,2018/02/13,"Getting Better.... So I had toxic behaviors which made me lose my boyfriend and we ended on okay terms. I went back to school. Getting a new job. Starting therapy soon with my favorute therapist. Learning how to drive and sometimes it sucks being lonely (have no IRL friends) but im getting by. I also have no desire for a relationship or to even date. Infatuations are like 2 days long and then I snap out of it. I listen to my intuition now and I'm researching witchcraft (which is already helping me become more peaceful and look at things differently). I still miss my ex very much and I have my bad days but I have my good days and overall, I've been stable. Few weeks ago, as I was coming to terms with my toxic behaviors... admitting my guilt and faults... i became so suicidal and depressed. But somehow I got out of it and I'm thankful. This is barely the beginning and more work is to be done, but I say there is honestly hope. Edit: I am twenty. I no longer care for my diagnosis. It helps that i left fb and have been using bpd threads and groups much less than before. I stopped trying to figure out my sexuality too... i love who i love. I have what i have... and I'll do my darn best with it. I hope all of you are getting better bit by bit. 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As a person with BPD, I always wonder how much of my thinking is considered ""flawed"" or ""distorted"". But because nobody can ever really be inside my mind and understand the concepts and visuals and my ""inside voice"", I'll never really know how much of the deepest part of me- my mind- is just not normal, or even wrong. It's really frustrating, because things that I strongly feel or believe could be so totally off, in the eyes of society. but I also wrestle with the idea that everyone else is on a lower level of thinking, and because of my enlightened mind, I'm actually thinking on a frequency more intuitive than what's ""normal"", but the greater percentage of society sees me as ""distorted"", and ""sick"". WHAT IS REAL? WHAT IS TRUTH OTHER THAN WHAT WE ACCEPT AS TRUE? fuck. this is the shit that keeps me up at night.",5.611252771618624,6.666258817073171,6.845277161862531,72.54007760532153,67.53658536585365,10.353880266075388,31.98226164079823,10.436869588844218,3.643043902439025,682,28,116,18,11,231,98,164,0.064,0.7809999999999999,0.156,0.9628,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,2,0,1,9,8,3,0,9,0,12,4,2,3,6,45,25,19,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,8,0,1,12,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,14,4,21,22,6,13,0,0,2,1,4,9,2,5,4,95,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.12905388701045545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575778950913943,0.1100400058870084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418494285446631,0.0,0.0,0.14899695736159665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665603274183049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558837999427836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047530637159958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734782306267097,0.2392497651069445,0.0,0.12636756994101606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686800075101927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226011806208208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929064075360632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754711149334553,0.0,0.0,0.07267943174620824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40059497620744944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443336015970694,0.0,0.10199695370870096,0.0,0.0,0.12410474685882095,0.2591477454742063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321049363207666,0.0,0.0,0.11547288264409075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052591243166732,0.25416223077886857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538364862533643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357495313190123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785895685315315,0.33895386680127515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767367558823546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868322201130765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459121286942134,0.0,0.0 bpd,ldranger,2018/02/13,"I just met a girl with BPD, need some tips Ok, first of all, i know this is going to be a challenge as i have been warned several times and i did read a bit about BPD, but i really like her and want to help her out. The thing is, i have been through some bad stuff in my past, i know what it's like, and i would have loved some help and comprehension, even though i'm as good as i can be now. Today she had her first attack with me, basically jelousy. Any tips to help her manage that? Thanks! ",2.84859838274933,3.1021489811320757,3.7855256064690046,94.89330188679249,73.33962264150944,7.566576819407007,20.80323450134771,7.447530270364453,0.12886684636118595,376,6,97,4,7,121,70,106,0.084,0.629,0.287,0.9754,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,5,9,1,0,4,1,13,1,0,0,1,18,22,9,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,5,0,16,7,13,14,5,9,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,3,8,67,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179929750082975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376073113454732,0.0,0.0,0.1495473494941335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553909089453705,0.0,0.4511594586977277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829886859074652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046976352042481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179096628627522,0.15022694193209174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601561100119927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968656858048068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500583481133972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165158542279878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280600245837568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097845329607894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915605087905526,0.0,0.11474090322803505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20234058651455009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050353300746684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648981974807761,0.0,0.0,0.11899111880365862,0.0,0.17597228976296292,0.0,0.10443907130644256,0.0,0.16977304506905933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564229227707396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723288728001636,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ekawa,2018/02/13,"My face and body is making want to die My body image and self esteem went from ""I'm too good and too hot for anyone"" to ""ugh I look kinda bad but oh well"" to ""I look awful and feel awful and I don't want to live this way anymore"". My self-worth is based solely on my weight and my appearance and though I have not gained any weight something has changed and I see myself so much differently than I did a month of two ago. I turned 22 and suddenly I feel like my complexion, weight, metabolism is only going downhill from here and I can't stand the thought of living and looking any worse than I already do. I know I'm not horribly disfigured but I just really hate looking the way I do. I'm scared because I was doing so well but lately I just feel like this anxiety about agin skin and gaining weight and self-hatred is making life seem so fucking hard and too much.",2.973322632423756,4.40052443820225,4.15171749598716,87.94235955056179,74.28089887640449,7.108186195826645,23.3884430176565,7.7094869923839395,0.96824430176565,682,19,144,9,14,223,101,178,0.182,0.6970000000000001,0.121,-0.9297,1,0,1,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,13,10,2,1,3,2,13,10,4,2,0,33,37,21,1,2,7,0,10,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,14,4,0,6,0,0,3,4,5,2,1,4,15,22,5,13,33,2,11,0,0,5,1,1,1,1,3,6,87,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068044854557827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288769445681825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913144259788354,0.0,0.07825721004391081,0.0,0.10145150550184544,0.07152870145899648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541403316249391,0.06235952885116549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272586393483906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821705607035008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616852209351056,0.10687898148813137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551738758462517,0.14616252686042935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457227257700147,0.0,0.0,0.05813795429626975,0.08580218267653811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916383526038966,0.10099747675865978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621996067723187,0.0,0.11539589206028635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225565956484223,0.09995465803151588,0.0,0.18066090837294266,0.0,0.34361611495195954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656858113419013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165278684081208,0.0,0.15040067870496346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780176156355824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553431636578985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024175159002558,0.0,0.08151776148206788,0.09312768600052802,0.3201554095703069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875351523008489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050664919396196,0.08121268712232292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112701659660756,0.09992966864715057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067528159393877,0.1623977856489009,0.0,0.4982825630493468,0.18395524678798852,0.09483068927993964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424976219527801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,terror_squirrel,2018/02/13,"Obsessive but not so much compulsive I don't feel like I am OCD at all but I am very, for lack of a better word, stalkery. I obsess over things. For example, I ""check up"" on a select group of people on Facebook, sometimes several times a day. My boyfriend, my ex-husband, his new girlfriend (who used to be a friend of mine and back stabbed me, long story). Boyfriend: If he leaves his phone unattended, I look through it. If he catches me, I tell him what I'm doing. Up until recently, I would log on to his Facebook (which I changed the settings bc he used to get notifications when someone logged in) and go through his activity log, recent searches, all that stuff. I would sign on to his Facebook messenger and go through his conversations, going back years. I look through his search history on his phone, I sign into his playstation account and look at any messages. I check his snapchat. Basically anything I have his password to, I go through. I told him to change his password, which he did but I still will look through his phone when I get a chance, usually when he is sleeping. Even though I have him blocked, I use a family member's profile I use to look at what he posts, who likes it and comments and then I stalk those people. I also have a file on him I keep in my desk at work with his bank account info, ssn, answers to what security questions may arise, his credit report, anything I feel I need. My ex-husband: No longer friends on Facebook but I login to family member's to check his profile as they are still friends. I have also tried logging into his account several times. Ex-husband's girlfriend: Has me block and not friends with family members but I go on to see what she comments on my other Facebook ""friends"" posts. I came to believe that she is moving into my old house with my ex. I drive by frequently. I still have his garage door programmed in my car so sometimes I open it, they ""hide"" her car in there so I won't see it. My most recent plan is to watch the house and when no one is there, go in and move things around. I want them to know it was me but not be able to prove it. I want these people to be afraid of me. I want to control them with fear. I realize it is very unhealthy but I can't stop. Strangers: If I have posted something or commented on a public Facebook post and someone replies with something that rubs me the wrong way, I will stalk them. This summer I joined a Facebook group and a woman (20's maybe?) with a fake name and set very private (because she had been repeatedly kicked off and needed to make new profiles) commented something on a post of mine I didn't like. She only had two pictures viewable on her account. I looked at everyone who liked the pics and checked all their profiles until I found out a relative then combed through pictures and comments to find her name, her daughter's name, her exhusband, family members, etc. I looked up her address and cross referenced it with the county assessors office (she lived in a nearby state, not the state where I live). Once I was sure I googled how long it would take for me to drive there. From start to finish was only about 25 minutes. These are just some of my behaviors. I don't want to hurt most of these people but I wouldn't put it past me with my BPD. Mostly I want them to believe that I am capable of destroying their lives and be afraid of me. As long as I don't threaten or assault anyone, they cannot file for a no contact or protective order. I understand this isn't healthy but when I get obsessive about it, I can't stop. I also get obsessed with other things, eating the same food, having the same routine every day, etc but this is heavily interfering with my life. I also realize the primary factor is these are all people who have badly hurt my feelings. Does anyone else do this? How can I convince myself to want to stop? TL:DR I'm an obsessed stalker and I'm afraid I'll take it too far one day. I want to stop but I don't want to stop and sometimes I'm unable to stop once I start.",3.0356545776205195,4.89528053759399,3.862453928939999,88.27254865103939,75.07769423558898,6.6490048651039375,27.524767801857585,7.45546127846077,1.47044944714728,3151,126,637,39,68,1006,317,798,0.085,0.807,0.108,0.9148,0,0,3,0,0,0,104.0,0,0,9,4,30,30,2,9,25,0,53,4,1,8,6,121,104,58,0,18,22,3,4,4,7,8,1,0,2,1,41,36,2,12,13,0,10,16,18,16,0,3,11,14,130,14,100,81,14,106,0,2,10,0,83,36,0,12,47,438,171,5,0.052802620202389336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890494519515806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03590759241662453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384163953516376,0.05410252432231364,0.08690411470349653,0.0470055267857007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120391124881175,0.044087982302075786,0.032187987179174836,0.0,0.0,0.11898094236940793,0.0,0.046699626609596936,0.0,0.0,0.06650305170156089,0.0,0.0,0.060392130733007615,0.0,0.0,0.11171634159308988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059222628454908416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215996533628308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620792876968922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054030262655629054,0.04410981369485974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777775853591232,0.03487563265030665,0.0,0.044488484878848385,0.05045516640996004,0.0,0.0,0.19911044405583295,0.05941762772993256,0.08009577394664147,0.03772220242304933,0.0,0.0,0.048260638264862966,0.0,0.06384913794286225,0.057895347629194176,0.2039758669290166,0.0,0.11034875883187703,0.0,0.18005367538726766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185426859612655,0.1130525940328492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046933394969731486,0.0,0.0,0.029018939155417176,0.0,0.0,0.055910350697848006,0.0,0.0,0.037296052207945685,0.10318677227007647,0.0,0.139877043082671,0.14018597183267467,0.3103863160320116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03524615900416038,0.0,0.05304732914783227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224165774013714,0.03881600139610484,0.07830494764100099,0.0,0.10199419925084068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540746754563353,0.1124661344488922,0.07156084398338143,0.08031754408222172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050406075724194144,0.18303344189211374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528515708076592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308121748496177,0.059151019074003885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640865188288178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415370384604158,0.0,0.0,0.11930386232081053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284075362321071,0.0,0.08947897749301073,0.12195011020325625,0.15666942461899674,0.0,0.07474793270569173,0.0,0.12650472210465974,0.2648721290041107,0.0,0.0,0.06044636721553435,0.0,0.0,0.04976584464740998,0.0,0.07940199805006455,0.0,0.04615181742658312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523914380961384,0.0,0.05187830625530148,0.0,0.061579264934873326,0.0,0.0,0.05045516640996004,0.0,0.03584951306240185,0.0,0.05158048741693718,0.054969389815105116,0.0,0.1824180414410116,0.05815462625493952,0.1307030748141398,0.24915482771268044,0.04191226215699279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038440936383510864,0.0,0.0,0.11252839923177804,0.0577313760971255,0.0,0.03400315620843256 bpd,amaterasu110,2018/02/13,"Does anyone else struggle to focus? Sometimes I feel like my emotions are so big and all-consuming that I can't focus on anything else. I haven't been able to get any school work done this week because I've felt like I contain the emotions of about fifteen different people at once and I can't think about anything else. UGH. ",4.251562499999999,5.9583297812500025,4.336375,86.77112500000004,71.5,6.370000000000001,29.9875,6.742157984588678,1.5954725,262,11,49,2,5,81,47,64,0.096,0.8220000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.2103,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,10,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,2,6,2,7,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,25,8,2,0.18399703391359087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512429258838367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286550042565111,0.18852670500796787,0.30282776269512257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216288407500026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922377386673172,0.0,0.0,0.1610170443119142,0.18829284809930494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4611177355532838,0.4139437956581649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930344288389981,0.13144751779221506,0.1766660071451041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961308560223342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797833134420109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595083610440706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756037592854375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621482145337387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819777713325162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235364988560827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789786985722688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759132207548722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339520320831916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cariad_,2018/02/13,"Those of you who are particularly unstable with your identity, do you have any good wig recommendations? I am constantly wanting to change my hair, but because I do it so much, it’s in terrible condition, and it makes me feel so much worse about my image, thus I want to change it even more. So yeah, if you have any recommendations, or even coping techniques for this, pls send them over!",5.6778082191780825,6.900262534246579,6.268383561643834,76.1255890410959,67.49315068493149,10.223561643835618,29.668493150684927,10.355215969177356,2.9533802739726025,307,11,60,8,5,100,55,73,0.134,0.76,0.106,-0.647,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,2,0,10,10,7,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,1,8,10,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,44,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442722919272188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430486107400462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355530457142332,0.0,0.0,0.2735421193257512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343781405788136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798943906882534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231228204672573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689653235617036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721573312138911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986036441337079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579596954770729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RJDeep,2018/02/13,"Bad experience with fluoxetine? I was diagnosed with BPD a little over a year ago, and shortly after that I got prescribed to fluoxetine 10mg (take 1 for 2 weeks, then take 2 daily) For the first two weeks when I was taking it as just 10mg it made me dissociate like hell. It was constant, and came at the worst times like during school, but as soon as I started taking 2 capsules a day it stopped. I was wondering if anyone here had the same or at least similar experience? And is it worth talking to my doctor about? Its been months since I've taken it only because I'm scared of dissociating.",3.885725047080975,5.362284559322036,5.5233333333333325,78.81535781544257,72.05084745762713,8.295291902071563,27.517890772128066,8.841846274778883,2.1120930320150664,470,17,92,9,9,160,82,118,0.126,0.823,0.051,-0.8587,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,1,6,0,7,2,0,1,0,14,18,11,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,2,10,0,7,2,15,8,3,21,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,3,17,59,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529696367623662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461018669832065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685860483601345,0.09991845368741104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064398141618826,0.0,0.0,0.1874701976280825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712925821758752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570885455226732,0.0,0.0,0.16636593073906975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677695676464844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32067227277085825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942237489311646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310943764965362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601569969073999,0.16428160256090374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550962866762707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308319730874497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466148883422967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410322540575342,0.16588639964764929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355886415802301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160168514220658,0.0,0.0,0.1370367015478063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929618506861019,0.1317452280924896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557765910073424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011695650474803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629585856512455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777541841253494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055531298035384 bpd,EmreCanClan,2018/02/13,"people asking why you aren't happy when they are aware that you have a brain disorder/unresolved trauma i appreicate the concern, however it drives me up the wall that we have no control over our emotions to a certain degree it makes me feel guilty because i am not tuned to the same frequency at the masses and people can sense that something is off. ",6.909776119402987,7.356338746268655,6.793246268656716,76.19195895522391,64.52238805970148,9.685074626865672,33.167910447761194,9.516144504307137,3.107540298507463,284,11,49,5,4,90,53,67,0.157,0.813,0.03,-0.8270000000000001,1,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,2,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,6,0,7,1,1,2,1,8,10,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,9,2,6,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930211136439204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106817482498809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498991482783311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515460430697188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525742324156317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848307272721632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336593207239543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092215096591474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4345952479673904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412989753655425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828279759521546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Perfectcateye14,2018/02/13,"I’m in a healthy marriage... here’s the catch. I’m actually really proud of my progress lately. My husband and I met early in our military careers and have watched each other develop and promote. I broke the cycle of jumping from man to man and being in abusive relationships. He is very patient but still holds me accountable. I fear, however, that the military forces me to hold my true self in. I e never had a solid identity. I jumped from one to the next. I was raised by a narcissist so.... yeah I internalize all of my intense emotions until I can’t anymore to avoid being in trouble at work. My husband I feel is banking on the fact that I’ll complete treatment and just be normal. I also have anxiety, depression and panic disorder. I’ve been through a lot of shit as such a young age. I’m kicking ass in treatment but he keeps saying I’m going to best this and get through it. Does he love who thinks I will be? Does he love the good side of me only? The little girl inside me (my BPD) needs love too so she can grow up and match the rest of me. I can’t work and grow, but my personality is what it is. I don’t abuse him or snap on him. I get my anger is out of control but it’s never forward him. I treat him well. I just feel like this love isn’t unconditional. 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Hi everyone, I was wondering if this sub has a discord? or if anyone knows in general one for people with BPD? thanks!",0.9987500000000012,3.5223680416666703,3.4666666666666686,80.89500000000002,97.75,7.4,26.83333333333333,8.07648339933343,2.932783333333333,99,5,17,3,4,34,22,24,0.222,0.675,0.103,-0.5158,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796057099740286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036354312690906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821029087306912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21976383884000014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27096934350686736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772267560221966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681561949003404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336532928268129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,boopum,2018/02/13,"Mirtazapine and Lexapro. Last month I had a suicide attempt and since then I've been on Mirtazapine. It has helped with my sleep SOOOO much. Yesterday I went to see a good psychiatrist and he put me on Lexapro. He said that since the Mirtazapine hasn't been helping much with stabilising my mood and more with sleep, that the Lexapro will help my highs not get to highs and bring my lows up so I'm not completely manic and then the next second wanting to kill myself or someone. Has anyone had any experience with these medicines? Did it help? Side effects? 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I've had quite a few really good days back to back. Better than usual in my circumstances. And so I have that worry in the back of my mind about what's going to go wrong and what could go wrong and what I'm going to do wrong in dealing with it. I'm starting to feel guilty about things that don't exist or haven't happened. I feel myself avoiding mirrors and eye contact. I'm starting to want to crawl out of my skin and there is absolutely nothing wrong lately. Anyone else relate?,2.705405405405408,4.735249495495495,3.940801801801804,86.57931081081081,76.56756756756756,6.241801801801803,23.71261261261261,7.1686216300943375,0.9843434234234234,438,14,85,5,10,143,68,111,0.2,0.737,0.063,-0.9383,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,0,1,3,0,8,2,2,0,0,14,22,7,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,1,4,7,2,19,20,1,19,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,9,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238334828020708,0.0,0.0,0.09706137687168324,0.14223046877112785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202162147045354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227689440986062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083099903724056,0.0,0.0,0.08952299325171513,0.14311025475513114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596056852821394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037619153281847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31556283155699283,0.11642987806726104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275200356302332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658727112679605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016170284639626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319495413508514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764486400170532,0.0,0.0,0.08892725366270457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947579703970994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922212838470714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528830651999431,0.0,0.08187558802951406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097148445977134,0.0,0.0,0.607081520720089,0.0,0.0 bpd,emelia_b,2018/02/13,Guilt Everything positive I experience turns to guilt and me feeling unworthy of happiness... anyone else,6.180624999999999,8.774065812500005,7.357500000000003,49.43750000000003,109.625,14.1,41.5,9.516144504307137,8.86505,87,6,9,5,4,29,15,16,0.32299999999999995,0.448,0.229,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27272724438231616,0.3996453075916691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258310084918341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505456394515178,0.38153705103375457,0.0,0.0,0.19721753970295744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415208193529919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242549511860875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pipi-lpeux,2018/02/13,"splitting when drinking so i like drinking and meeting new people, usually i drink when i meet new people bc it helps me open up and get to know them also, if i don’t drink i’ll have problems asking anything or answering questions... i’ve noticed recently that i split a lot easier when drunk, maybe 2 out of 10 people i meet ill split on, if i don’t split on them i get close to splitting on my bf. i want to know if you guys have any tips to control this? or help not split in the first place? i enjoy drinking and meeting new people. i lost my whole friend group recently because my best friend couldn’t handle my bpd, he now seems to want to be friends again but idk he kind of let me know i can’t trust anyone. i just wanna be able to make new friends without showing that i’m batshit crazy sometimes,, i am a really social person and this is really hurting it /: ",3.4094122731201395,4.500679370786521,4.4668539325842715,87.42494814174593,72.70786516853933,7.049956784788245,27.17545375972342,7.321109707123232,1.3337920484010368,680,24,141,7,13,222,106,178,0.105,0.732,0.163,0.8292,0,0,5,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,4,8,12,0,0,3,0,11,7,0,2,0,30,23,15,0,8,9,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,6,7,6,1,6,7,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,23,9,17,18,3,22,0,2,0,0,22,9,0,8,14,83,29,0,0.10137844723807303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107230762926282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689408205369755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088616747516692,0.0,0.083425824073416,0.0,0.09477516308317528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061799360475601715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639042582320143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768260537556536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137045489618384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965614155767861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623245543150114,0.0,0.0,0.3132989474240945,0.0,0.10593210888157853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038060146246196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590367243545526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085277245272752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557005226267864,0.16714482997981164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366633090087417,0.0,0.0495283884973555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106665508441215,0.0861883305142291,0.0,0.0,0.0676709007479579,0.0,0.10184827644009334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916477442864841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542003411237026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811322023117771,0.08851974977928669,0.10591890006120122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700548254847496,0.0,0.0,0.11356706245423792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989125848842514,0.0,0.20019797252118626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229113085734472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334256007031156,0.0,0.0,0.10026587655863788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116540369935934,0.0,0.11959126961202472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318541590823827,0.0,0.09772520543917623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jerk0h,2018/02/13,"Pill PTSD? Is there a such thing? When I was 13 I overdosed on acetaminophen in an attempt to take my life. Ever since then I've had a severe aversion to pills of any kind. I will find any alternative or suffer through various ailments (headaches, a cold, pain management etc.) to avoid taking a pill. Unfortunately I've had a long battle with mental illness and just this past year I made another attempt on my life and ended up in the hospital with a BPD diagnosis. I'm prescribed 100mgs of sertraline and 150mgs of burproprion to manage this. Every attempt to take my meds ends up with intense anxiety and gagging. As soon as i feel that pill in my throat i get intense flashbacks to that horrible time when i was 13. I cannot take the pills. I try again and again but I absolutely dread it. To the point when I will have anxiety attacks when I know the time is coming to take the next dose. My question is, is there an alternative to pills for these medications? Honestly I would prefer to take an injection every day than battle this ongoing fear. I desperately need to figure this out as my life literally depends on it. Any information would be greatly helpful. ",3.915361990950232,6.264878488687785,5.057961538461541,78.4807884615385,74.06787330316742,8.220904977375566,29.602036199095025,8.982922981607832,2.7316550226244347,930,41,168,21,20,306,125,221,0.177,0.767,0.055,-0.9751,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,12,11,3,3,14,0,15,14,1,2,1,27,28,15,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,4,13,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,8,0,0,5,2,20,3,32,18,2,29,0,1,0,0,3,10,0,3,18,113,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455256221206892,0.12619707849032172,0.1841342720973405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691507614602735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515761434935457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367054808280536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761555381748317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318809758460436,0.0,0.13422164826586908,0.0,0.10886312871963613,0.20279950454208964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542679074721245,0.06085238804501246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999737972255008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287771340966403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326858897992844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066781882224411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253256177168451,0.06614100816291933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25501950436426346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650563364444282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387772799545193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336813058846837,0.1212395888397666,0.1212841185422098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923772425625673,0.0,0.0,0.12799319477049245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280604895274437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488733782028315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376929894707062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406822748559051,0.0,0.13481912672498056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359608235395381,0.0,0.09955445598368813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429276555963674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995494519965272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403536718868549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170949749051627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098584553781865,0.0,0.0,0.07750121464819715 bpd,Boop121314,2018/02/13,Terrible support in the U.K.? Anyone else experience this? Been to multiple therapists councillors whatever. I seem to get asked the same set of questions each time then told to wait a month or two just to be asked the same questions! One dr finally told me it's difficult/impossible to get dbt on the NHS. Atleast in the north west. Any advice? ,2.437430555555558,5.395342187499999,3.5927083333333343,81.97034722222223,88.0625,8.469444444444445,27.42361111111111,8.841846274778883,3.1149152777777767,276,13,50,9,9,89,50,64,0.061,0.897,0.042,-0.3031,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,11,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,1,9,7,3,10,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,4,4,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957291126255826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136209665221125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400531798924927,0.2052292072399784,0.0,0.0,0.3745036143836756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167323469828664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959301035916102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2194169209515924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929511680512675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987613658406896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572726470801674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44875971700225936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823439863210752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272960582667917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325616835306146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679550892778202,0.0,0.0,0.3827870855632738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566226667290199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oldschoolguy1-0,2018/02/13,"Signs that a BPD cares for you? How can one know that what you two have is special? That she really does care for you, in whatever capacity she/he has? We are friends at this stage now, but before that we were exclusive for a bit. Prior to that, she had a guy in every city to 'hang out with' even though she was already engaged to someone else. When we met, that was all in the past. I am just trying to figure if all that time with her, meant more to me than her and didn't even register to her as an emotional connection. We were together for six months, and it was great, she wanted to spend every awake moment together, and the intimacy was good too, she even initiated it. When she had to go abroad, we went back to being friends, and she cried hard on our goodbye, but when i asked her to write something for me to remember her by, she wrote : ""Thanks for liking me and celebrating me at the worst time of my life. I can never repay what you did for me and on that morbid note, take care!'' Which felt again it was about her than me. I would have to go by clues (spending time with me and such) to figure out if I meant more to her than her other relationships. Even when she is away now, we are in constant touch, but I can't get over the fact that she is also in touch with all the men she has ever been with, and they still offer her invites to hotels and such, which she declines, and then meets them for coffee still or offers coffee herself. Regardless, when she was visiting home for two weeks, we ended up spending every awake moment together again. We said good bye again and she cried saying she wishes there was more she could do for me. her flight ended up being delayed for four hours, and she asked to see me again in those extra few hours we got. I feel confused and trying to process this hurts my head more than a headache. I want to stay and be there for her, be her friend as I know she is important to me and I care for her, so any guidance would be much appreciated. ",5.071174147963426,5.0826749900249375,5.404055486284291,86.07753792601831,68.42643391521197,8.578595178719867,25.935266001662512,8.212053250817874,1.2922492934330831,1545,37,336,19,24,492,191,401,0.054000000000000006,0.799,0.147,0.9907,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,10,4,2,0,30,17,0,1,10,0,37,2,1,1,6,66,63,33,0,9,7,0,5,1,3,2,1,2,1,2,20,31,0,1,9,1,3,5,3,3,0,5,22,8,70,14,63,33,12,55,0,1,1,0,66,16,0,4,34,268,90,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608833921195453,0.07687983217127897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537569815910682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17974814939670325,0.0,0.0903228281692819,0.07392256113338527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818045570410558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495548699318501,0.0,0.12107978124113455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920677658291182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388873833984444,0.0,0.07675668119458794,0.0,0.21120151005088555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412916045037047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030919568515778,0.10813993062405358,0.17029571820354886,0.0,0.0,0.25398738036234736,0.08696041149219688,0.2429958872137317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860919180731418,0.0,0.09230552532342698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228230378696119,0.0,0.05022703183439321,0.0,0.1092724773262344,0.1612684377108364,0.07688864908440872,0.10599015214664524,0.0,0.0951896402033658,0.0,0.0,0.0861188695778143,0.0,0.0986631527896285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643213068166306,0.0,0.18934896243786026,0.0,0.10291545278003307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566753599685524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790361835966707,0.046967137198105406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767347458874982,0.0,0.07067093670809152,0.0,0.07414592078278064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514416341239436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177257984036608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061587109366441135,0.0,0.0,0.10321396219597677,0.1089032166663776,0.0,0.09144724113828373,0.07645111403544373,0.0,0.0,0.0766078532608962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814556230378211,0.07401010072943742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246806168327302,0.1535484832299128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07228222095096096,0.0,0.0,0.08850900626426493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094453018498173,0.0,0.1681728222209387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305399102187346,0.0,0.18782158030222432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340687104858023,0.0,0.07711440778851891,0.0,0.0,0.08911892815635461,0.0,0.0,0.11055152282446366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658434827464164,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SupportStronk,2018/02/13,"Abilify and alcohol Does anyone use abilify and alcohol? I just want to drink sometimes, not often. I remember I drank alcohol once and it was fine, the second time I got really tired suddenly. Like I needed to sleep right away all. Since then I've not used alcohol anymore. But since I'm on abilify for about two months now, I notice that I always get sleepy around 6-7pm which was also the time that I used alcohol and got super sleepy. I'm thinking maybe I could take the alcohol at a different time? I'm not seeing my doctor until the 20th so I thought I'd just ask for some experiences here.",2.813551617873649,5.010292974576274,4.693636363636365,80.51800462249618,76.88135593220339,9.036671802773498,25.134052388289675,9.573946990214177,2.588854237288136,473,17,90,14,11,161,76,118,0.029,0.878,0.093,0.7123,1,0,7,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,5,0,3,11,1,3,1,23,20,9,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,5,8,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,1,11,3,10,13,2,13,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,9,53,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7106983463919423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886353204201203,0.09222423450883528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991929542132173,0.07749894324270959,0.0,0.0,0.0986673284989542,0.10361647760368284,0.0,0.1041338487602292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849333875899047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579978318123807,0.0,0.11344510095872075,0.09699312397796883,0.0,0.0,0.10857685309559542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841864489931756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057907112108085176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772909710074197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414875575554432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134942226864976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846804938312294,0.0,0.0,0.08218331460480922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618725191878655,0.0,0.11803647136289593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100422852487466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555531446142051,0.09465313685239003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832175394646326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336897863785287,0.0,0.11091580825469344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961940465071113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333470084056473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101908221373499,0.0,0.08799121613425047,0.19388767590308925,0.12738940610865068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827043635326954,0.0,0.0,0.2871795411588401,0.0,0.0,0.06537380525779411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mickeytheshake,2018/02/13,"Any ways to cope with myself? I’ve been in therapy for about 7 years and I don’t feel any better than when I started. I’m on meds but they help most with my social anxiety. I ruin every relationship I have, and it makes me feel horrible about myself. I ended things with my life long best friend several months ago because I was so sure she was sick of me but now I just think I was misinterpreting everything. She still talks to me and is still a “friend” but I haven’t hung out with her or anything. I’ve ended things with every other friend I had and now all of my friends are new friendships and I’m terrified I’ll ruin them too. I just don’t want to be so alone, I hate this, I hate myself. My ex-best friend knows about my BPD and is very supportive but I know her new friends have replaced me and I will never be able to be where I was with her. I am just wondering if anyone has any ideas of ways to cope. I need something to help me carry on and I feel so hopeless. Sorry for writing so much.",1.5786505362933383,3.3266138293838843,3.1694886505362945,92.1186081317037,78.95260663507109,6.3378398603142925,20.583936143676727,7.273561745256523,0.3851649289099521,782,20,177,10,19,258,111,211,0.189,0.607,0.204,0.1901,0,1,1,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,2,2,17,15,2,0,1,0,20,2,0,1,3,40,36,19,0,3,9,0,3,0,6,1,2,0,0,0,5,15,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,3,39,10,25,26,4,22,0,3,0,0,19,5,0,4,15,123,44,0,0.10943740379791744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700965539175398,0.0,0.0,0.113344145740523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326356205319667,0.0,0.08371931436206022,0.0,0.0,0.07652117728188336,0.0,0.09005765865456736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671202559395242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969560706929976,0.09678849032297017,0.0,0.0,0.13783257904554086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385811404516745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441146539253608,0.0,0.0983552819690355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600451875887548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073064002183201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609355870950905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670716984855567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354150812127587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028787018394525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729887475100089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684865856689492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730503168304773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156028472281573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735189161776337,0.0,0.08044908382053798,0.08114644823984736,0.08440487241089484,0.21139065307131133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749481587391016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363311617311452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155765139474227,0.0,0.08425026007143978,0.0,0.12250621377955424,0.07746035767939206,0.0,0.1747937040781487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418826893796772,0.10314345794106236,0.0,0.0,0.08796163975758775,0.0,0.0,0.125151208807232,0.0,0.1454106965689133,0.07012306946501609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029731934538343,0.06454901618537323,0.17373263448587126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186801961317432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047409999963432 bpd,2piSquared,2018/02/13,"Making friends at university Hey all. I'm going off to college this year (class of 2022). Throughout high school I've struggled making and maintaining relationships, due to me having a hard time interacting with people in general. People will say things that a normal person would obviously respond to but I usually am at a loss. My attempts at counseling have not yielded much. Anyone have any advice or thoughts regarding how I can be less socially awkward at college? Before someone asks, I don't have ASD or social anxiety but I am kind of wacko (highly obsessed with specific academic interests) and have BPD. ",6.244722222222222,8.7917925462963,6.89925925925926,66.97166666666668,67.98148148148148,9.985185185185186,36.074074074074076,10.25414643259724,4.612418518518519,497,26,71,14,9,163,84,108,0.109,0.871,0.02,-0.7493,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,0,3,3,0,12,0,0,3,2,19,18,7,0,2,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,2,6,3,13,14,3,13,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,2,4,48,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484413323146952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167561858257492,0.0,0.1368776785871433,0.0,0.0,0.1251090168249879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727138587253726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225260090713788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535066844721216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823755988170575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168760447010124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028229177775874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780896731289519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632359337769672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388686019230556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153098447743625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753092065031038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24808911725543384,0.15623102868920358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209925171261152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422889063295424,0.0,0.18108237114370326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647844578733443,0.15160317364465958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870520012723755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887029140023728,0.0,0.0,0.1420470277293319,0.10433302051938746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970613913878605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710369092020055,0.0,0.0,0.1152222910802964 bpd,KingGeorgeTheCurious,2018/02/13,"This is some next level torture. I don't know where to begin. All of it. It's just... nobody understands. I wish they could see, but their ignorance must be bliss. I wish I had the luxury of being able to write people off as monsters. I may lose myself in the moment, in the heat of things but I always come back to reality. And when I gain my perspective back, it's a more forgiving perspective than any ""healthy"" person I know has. I'm ranting. I'm in pain. I'm so insecure. Specifically about romantic relationships. There's this element missing from me that is vital to relationships. It's impossible to explain what it is. But it's locked up, hidden where no one can see. I'm superficially attractive. I draw in so many wonderful and interesting people who inevitably can't stand me anymore. It hurts so much. I think that's all. I don't know. Like I said, I don't know where to begin.",1.1874335403726697,3.796386908571428,3.492819875776401,83.57274534161492,88.48571428571432,7.157763975155281,21.8944099378882,8.18289091462,1.6803739130434785,699,25,137,18,23,239,105,175,0.154,0.65,0.196,0.8834,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,2,2,12,12,1,1,4,0,15,1,0,0,3,26,36,10,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,14,3,0,1,9,0,0,1,5,7,0,1,2,3,19,5,19,29,5,19,0,3,2,0,10,10,0,3,8,94,33,0,0.16268403518976765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353661496242256,0.0,0.0,0.11063072260231592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133884840395848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501879623494645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013789128705906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988996437860562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415662438189305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576275647408869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947920210569423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820018224127552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649360774134266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195914845294788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301631703445775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023891254050973,0.0,0.17310728351923307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255692523405005,0.14204942451194547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493235419864779,0.0,0.0,0.15474977173467147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592762265464094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808004419251348,0.1042413608561709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935981799319794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741572235325535,0.0,0.1764238965269793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,purplepixie69,2018/02/13,"Doing everything I was told to do by doctors and therapist and I still don’t feel better. Sleep deprived and annoyed Apologies for incoming rant I’m just not sure what to do anymore. I have various anxiety disorders and BPD and last year when I was diagnosed I was told to get a lot of stuff in order that would help me manage symptoms better (cause I couldn’t get to a group therapy thanks to social anxiety and agoraphobia and no one would give me a 1-to-1 therapy... -_- ) So I’ve been doing what they told me: eating right and not having tonnes of junk, exercising, going out a little bit and pushing myself, sleep cycle Been trying to get into a good sleeping routine and getting up early, not using pc or phone or tv before bed ect, exercising in the morning and being tired all damn day and not allowing myself to nap so I sleep at night, went to bed today just after 8pm, exhausted.. tossed and turned for hours without a restful sleep and I’ve been wide awake since 2am, wtf gives! I’m so annoyed and tired and sick of this. So now I can’t exercise tomorrow because I already feel wrecked and I can’t sleep. I’m doing everything I was told and I’m still anxious about everything, still can’t sleep or function like a normal human, feel like crap :( ",5.288963414634146,6.033242398373988,6.283485772357725,77.39766768292685,68.10569105691057,9.239430894308944,30.822154471544714,9.354420925462401,2.761147154471545,994,38,183,19,16,331,139,246,0.171,0.754,0.075,-0.966,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,13,13,4,0,8,0,22,19,8,3,2,43,44,26,0,4,10,0,3,2,0,2,10,0,2,1,5,20,1,0,3,5,0,3,11,6,0,1,12,3,17,7,23,28,5,27,0,1,0,0,13,9,2,4,16,117,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315700084923842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291585768953458,0.09536794145851787,0.08371964747501416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146022965654839,0.0,0.07183322169385489,0.0,0.0,0.1493211425012456,0.09216223445087744,0.0,0.1063211034095909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672020363805469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054442415101903466,0.0,0.0,0.0856821606711534,0.0,0.0,0.09674996635882853,0.08640506494903523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638035392474575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22760748244406315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280523351419708,0.060308002144876215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17641899880827022,0.1619622474839604,0.04797650872232398,0.07080553857464313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658338646933029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831344028271794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881167021371007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248442142371046,0.08460868522422951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176888640664437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922026708832998,0.08271139554057272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720359967372837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209223111658733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983117109044261,0.0,0.5913504659602812,0.08605318620754063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022481870613977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096638038330895,0.0,0.0,0.07956265734642556,0.0877422847401872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772045102197496,0.1930779312927541,0.09801542433462024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405139253465226,0.08001808288825978,0.3226588150868613,0.0,0.05731405834721485,0.09182218660123002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290976485884186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825602820832198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137562389693025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993578505166848,0.0,0.0,0.05436221338703436 bpd,The_Babe,2018/02/13,"Bank card info was stolen So my fiancee's bank card info was stolen and so she had to cancel the card. The new one won't be here until thursday and we're so broke it isn't even funny. Her bank doesn't have a branch anywhere in our state, and I have no money as a full time student. We just had one of the biggest fights we've ever had over her not wanting to deal with the issue, won't talk to me about it and help me plan what to do. Because in part of my BPD I've become so distanced from all of my family and friends there's no way I can ask any of them for help. I feel like I've already asked them for enough. All in all, I'm having an incredibly shitty monday. But I'm mostly keeping it together; I've only cried twice today. Thanks for reading my vent. Time to go searching for change in the sofa cushions! TLDR: the story of how I now have to make 2-4 packets of ramen last almost a week",2.4934167893961714,3.279988680412373,4.108100147275405,90.29061855670105,74.56701030927834,6.161413843888072,22.62002945508101,5.773587663045528,0.2313472754050072,700,17,157,3,14,235,120,194,0.141,0.789,0.069,-0.9247,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,2,0,2,1,12,5,1,0,10,0,16,0,0,2,4,23,26,13,0,1,3,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,3,1,4,1,7,2,0,3,5,1,17,3,26,18,7,21,0,1,0,0,16,7,0,2,12,103,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284892723351794,0.0,0.19048487753029994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738407773935672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227433333245246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522446466125003,0.1906396384599318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174024729997289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18260371753925211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960940511982285,0.0,0.17795842261379827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835737487006,0.0,0.1140105392400932,0.1561400947184309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272600215426006,0.0,0.08727929965765473,0.12331614691262065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336187368253058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810104774726612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314003100916301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801651495482679,0.0,0.15342808896171567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070421389506452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433094007867893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522181216033248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671258371921766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339366999540225,0.1312814394375372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692515773539325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266165105525266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874134943156258,0.0,0.15892064428394062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013063181284466,0.0,0.16361877883817855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181276332181978,0.13701370401516955,0.13846129209422475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,do_i_bother,2018/02/14,"Pmsing (trigger warning--suicide) My mental health is so much worse when I am nearing the end of my cycle. I feel okayish right now, but all I could think about late last night was suicide. This is after a wonderful valentine's date and good day. I just laid there quietly sobbing and thinking of what a relief it would be to not exist anymore. To not worry about my medical and school debt, my shitty family, nonexistent friendships, finding something fulfilling to do, money, etc. It took me one second of feeling bummed about a prior argument, and the most intense waves of sadness ensued. Like painful waves through my face, my throat, my stomach, through my entire body. Just so much physical pain and hurt. And now I almost can't remember what that actually felt like? I seriously just felt so crushed and done and like if my dad's family didn't love me and treat me well, I would really want to end it now. These feelings come and go all the time, but the closer I get to my period, it becomes unbearable. I hate this. Just venting. I'm sure some of you can relate :( Another thing--whenever I see BPD come up like somewhere in /r/relationships, people either completely condemn us as human garbage or (not as cruelly) say don't be with bpd people if they aren't getting treatment. I literally have almost no money and that's just not an option. I read the dbt workbook sometimes and other resources and try to be self aware of my emotions, but it just sucks. A lot of struggle with work and finding well paying work, so it's ironic that we can't get the treatment we need that would probably make that much more possible. :/",5.630281385281383,6.808530123376625,6.0676623376623375,77.68339826839829,67.57142857142857,8.983549783549783,32.52380952380953,9.23628265651192,2.980480952380953,1290,55,228,24,21,416,184,308,0.212,0.655,0.134,-0.9872,1,0,1,0,0,2,47.0,3,1,1,2,20,20,2,1,11,0,20,9,4,2,3,65,43,27,1,8,17,1,5,4,0,3,4,2,0,2,17,20,0,0,11,1,4,4,10,9,2,2,6,8,31,11,26,30,11,24,0,3,1,1,10,5,2,10,19,160,48,5,0.0,0.0,0.09388660942210653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19267986607791487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088406639845246,0.0,0.0,0.0954139878026795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625585184563067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686708361585844,0.242345035361448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575195846791005,0.10087384727355607,0.0,0.0,0.076815470046498,0.0,0.0,0.0620471787346182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984557383036499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822275627868166,0.17042614971260542,0.0,0.10729904240059042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813955388922848,0.0,0.1459392664904262,0.0,0.18475244643870592,0.0,0.17586750964978284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507965039402214,0.0,0.054678085205902775,0.08069597755938245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498697893031148,0.0,0.1022662167613052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299427694515564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842359661646231,0.10852852486569753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880124395407138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179389018878927,0.0868328446412324,0.0,0.06422059914295619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692096581752578,0.09695656361037268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121751932484984,0.07133813719630146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902861135427834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519405809929395,0.0,0.20474741702512167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333991292511791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846177377059714,0.0,0.0,0.10373013080063677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962355518619224,0.0,0.061634279663485815,0.0,0.0,0.10329301499299916,0.1089866269308326,0.08216240115534304,0.0,0.07650966884984475,0.0,0.09736916677581416,0.0766665281237278,0.0,0.1003675079129225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740667859428145,0.0951536715932324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057907565826048,0.0,0.2104751905739316,0.0,0.09067633042609552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391732753959913,0.1232943464225368,0.0,0.0,0.0561005425929333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068923125059244,0.06531994614161858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572820202388967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056746865357653775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730078187252604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043351162962273,0.14008334728751187,0.0977054338226376,0.0980457164172054,0.20503343976884236,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JeansandDresses,2018/02/14,Deception - Do you have BDP and lie a lot? why so? Someone told me they thought people with BDP lie a lot. I have BDP but I've always been honest and open to a fault. I've been looking up articles to try to understand the link between excessive lying and BDP but none of it really makes sense to me. What they suggest sounds to me just like what any normal person's reason for lying is.,1.57243670886076,3.7548493291139273,3.347325949367093,88.65238132911396,81.0253164556962,6.481645569620253,21.26740506329114,7.6454224807358475,0.9120493670886076,303,9,62,5,8,101,55,79,0.17,0.7440000000000001,0.087,-0.8105,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,2,0,16,11,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,7,2,10,7,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,1,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245909131734812,0.0,0.0,0.18355146455203286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186684136890736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266606310027266,0.0,0.0,0.4589441834303834,0.0,0.0,0.1801703670350288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644594042582307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871250844751293,0.2356793781567075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291446883251052,0.2775175875428933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286981145226616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142823704429145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25791536177950425,0.0,0.1832545760721783,0.0,0.0,0.2809910474928639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24355631654742765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fuckredditunames98,2018/02/14,"Complaining Do you guys ever feel like you complain a little too much? I noticed I'm doing it a lot these days, finding it hard to see the positive. Though I don't understand why the world is so focused on the good and happy. Guess I just want to know if anybody else gets this ways sometimes and then what you do",4.821249999999999,5.1344136250000005,5.400000000000002,84.845,69.0,8.275,30.0625,8.07648339933343,1.92535625,248,9,51,3,4,80,51,64,0.08,0.675,0.244,0.913,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,13,6,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,6,3,3,13,2,7,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,3,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511772619166486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582233126524087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21204035678486802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852646735430708,0.16746499248537186,0.0,0.0,0.21424961707501514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224713357222938,0.0,0.0,0.1966148531473568,0.0,0.0,0.2582328076644406,0.2321061380069027,0.0,0.2495374421047337,0.20998837882486127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882748396010973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452255523818156,0.2349438272094475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199289905075944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723208340067387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26688122980081386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867971443467795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318408640996749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23030999276673705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440326349207878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826310723675814,0.1860664599709858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115216488531709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skookumbritches,2018/02/14,"I Hate You-Don't Leave Me, Understanding The Borderline Personality PDF “Dr. Kreisman and Hal Straus have thoroughly revised their twenty-year classic to include the latest advances in therapies and medications while retaining the rich, easy-to-read style of the first edition. Real-life case studies and the extensive list of references illuminate our understanding of borderline personality not only for the general public but for professionals as well. This book belongs on the bookshelf of patients, their friends and family, and for all those who help in their healing.” —Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder Here is a [link](https://www.cappcny.org/home/media/i-hate-you-dont-leave-me.pdf) to the PDF version of this book. ",12.219575892857144,13.174741359375002,10.532053571428571,52.12187500000002,53.375,14.189285714285715,45.62946428571429,13.25671669890799,6.883152678571428,666,35,85,22,7,206,88,128,0.068,0.8240000000000001,0.108,0.6154,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,3,2,2,4,1,0,10,0,2,3,0,0,1,15,5,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,3,2,1,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,6,3,17,5,2,10,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,4,52,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014903543666334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604480262765468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33147088179637496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495415679048888,0.0,0.0,0.13582825511088092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471465489997581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783990237976115,0.0,0.17634901901094274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615450671350486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710732138329344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337093455187507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.460524361957596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585483871670318,0.20010715414555674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698274380768006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105092673762756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660431214489632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807184283783007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321411315931255 bpd,supahfriends,2018/02/14,"Extreme Jealousy I hate this disorder. Saw a girl that I like talking with another guy in the hallway. talking. flipped shit. Im never talking to her again, im going hulk mode when I get home, im going to self harm, I’m not going to eat, all because I saw a girl I like talking and laughing with someone else. fuck me ",-0.1365151515151517,2.1694638333333347,2.2881818181818185,91.7189393939394,92.48484848484848,4.1454545454545455,27.03030303030303,5.82211442006289,1.014921212121212,247,13,50,2,9,84,44,66,0.263,0.626,0.112,-0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,2,2,7,3,6,7,1,7,0,0,2,1,9,1,2,0,5,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291945597908998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052582773114302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899780502522195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874111592483287,0.13775870818076905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245394178504393,0.08615714504707878,0.0,0.2811614881910056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328393971241534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281160452884658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541525085003608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5343838464179522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113054282663455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718650930029454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203405340276606,0.0,0.16927475184137128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972523704186168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5301842698670334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the_good_time_mouse,2018/02/14,"EMSAM/MAOI experiences? Hi all, Hope today is one of the good ones for you. I'm wondering if anyone here has experience with MAOI medication for their symptoms? My own experiences with EMSAM and depression have led me to want to recommend it to someone in my life living on the BPD spectrum. While I've found a plethora of clinical evidence, it would be good to hear anyone's personal experiences with MAOIs, and Selegiline in particular. Thanks. *(Naturally, they would be supervised by their doctor if they decide to look in to it.)* ",4.368749999999999,7.331523375000002,5.976916666666668,69.30975000000001,75.66666666666666,10.090000000000002,29.391666666666666,10.125756701596842,3.970224166666666,428,19,69,15,10,145,68,96,0.036000000000000004,0.812,0.152,0.8767,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,4,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,7,5,0,1,1,16,15,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,2,8,4,18,10,2,7,0,1,1,0,8,4,0,4,2,49,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223140901971225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001454325335068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368715833124673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626542477713827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6217898518829089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742399648804513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665774656080458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17910656491843427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783652237256668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224499192081948,0.0,0.0,0.14032314093355638,0.0,0.13344694477542648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008818663177604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153672005277393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387567519884239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464651767682878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517151315811812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463057924311309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063099701360008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373103843442752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233443176087498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257745527991436,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BloodlessCorpse,2018/02/14,"Sandplay therapy Has anyone else tried it? I hadn't heard of it before but my current therapist practices it. I have made a 3 pictures so far and am using it to make more sense of myself (though it can be used in multiple ways). And it's nice, seeing parts of myself outside myself and having more symbols to work with. For me it's helping with integrating a sense of self and seeing how I feel about it. And it works better for me than words sometimes. And afterwards I'd feel like I understand myself better. &nbsp; &nbsp; *Personal details about it that might sound kind of wishy-washy(not everyone's cup of tea):* First image I made was a general map of my mind (light side,morality/logic,fantasy,dark side, anxiety,depression) which turned out to be nicely symmetrical.. and I hadn't planned on making it at the time. After going back home, I felt pretty connected to myself and managed to mentally reintegrate an old imaginary friend back into myself, which felt nice.. and a bit later found my middle-school self who was in a lot of pain (she turned out to be the source of my neediness). Second one was emptiness.. which turned out to be really peaceful. There was only a spiral with a hole in the middle and a red lotus in the corner.. It was after finding my middle-school self, so I found it to be healing. And third image (which was today) was darkest/angry/teenagey part of me.. which was a snake covered with the darkest things I could find in the room. But looking at it, I realized that it's actually just self-protection, and more importantly, I don't hate it and I don't want to get rid of it. What might need work is what I actually perceive to be a threat but that's a different thing. And while it doesn't work for most things (it's not a substitute for talking in general), it does do a good job of helping me understand myself a bit more.. which in a way helps with everything else.",4.116703111858706,5.823545411924123,5.201682085786377,80.43219512195124,71.84552845528455,8.558489860760679,27.629286982524995,9.130062681391069,2.38242166152696,1503,55,280,32,29,495,184,369,0.04,0.8170000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.9904,3,0,0,0,0,0,68.0,0,0,0,8,10,12,2,0,22,0,29,3,0,7,0,58,55,22,0,3,5,0,4,1,1,2,2,2,2,4,35,23,1,0,12,0,0,1,6,3,0,4,17,11,30,9,50,29,10,35,0,0,4,0,12,20,0,4,13,205,65,6,0.0,0.0,0.1641132954957214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822161599394239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879548910723719,0.08615692716172223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931521318729555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155172636922384,0.0,0.0,0.1487359925874382,0.18360215024490725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713651718801633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242389112535086,0.0,0.0,0.08785287393313451,0.0,0.0,0.07358497968757836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048756701201734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034860021351409,0.07557184971615401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503368802499595,0.06007167109579738,0.1614731484211718,0.0,0.15370773722102035,0.07152424195862059,0.0,0.18439380828054347,0.0649653010830194,0.0,0.04393191489746883,0.0,0.04778850152204815,0.07052807046731402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301836778102657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690849536006783,0.0,0.08434597872429893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344323583275763,0.0,0.0,0.08756352725706681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041080593437576286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061178635862145,0.0,0.0,0.07148764319492337,0.0,0.15913004413561832,0.1122572668129458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473977957016411,0.1784057451332533,0.08490376026554497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062349342796984016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823501685624292,0.0,0.05697943395373816,0.06395184773704167,0.08947434985419132,0.0,0.0,0.18211575492976065,0.0,0.0,0.0734214046167285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554656854283993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386819703757405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020078728595373,0.13401268468470035,0.0,0.3508837433936388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316405672652849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758583461373902,0.0,0.0,0.09616065507038772,0.0976313279090205,0.16759072448727408,0.0,0.0826149150949707,0.0,0.049031725507474366,0.0,0.07970451326562775,0.0,0.0,0.057089459769009185,0.27438707949014635,0.0,0.1750747778868813,0.0,0.14524810169472288,0.0,0.0,0.04959660989048207,0.13348847445011833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448649483555861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AFIstolemylunch,2018/02/14,"I was diagnosed with BPD yesterday. I guess everything just makes sense now. Every action in my life, every reaction, every friendship and relationship ending. I have long suffered through Depression and Anxiety. I knew the symptoms and I hit most of them, but I always knew it was more than that, I just didn't know what. I've been having a lot of panic attacks lately and went back to cutting. My fiance pushed me to make a psychiatrist appointment because it was honestly getting so bad. This Psychiatrist asked me questions that no other had asked. She was so thoughtful and insightful. She really got to the root of everything. She said she had a hunch so she asked me a questionnaire. It was like...a book written about me. All these weird behaviors described perfectly. So here I am at age 28, finally diagnosed with the correct disease. I have a lot of emotions going on. I'm so scared/relieved/sad. I'm very lucky in the fact that I have a supportive fiance and (a couple) of good friends. This would be much harder if I didn't have them. I start my therapy next week. She also encouraged me to exercise and cut down on caffeine. It was also suggested I start a journal and list things I'm grateful for every day. So that's my little story. Thank you for listening. I'm grateful to have found a community of people that will actually, for once in my life, understand what the hell it is that I'm talking about. ",2.905886424817332,5.5999441598513044,4.301935649275734,80.74118959107808,79.52044609665427,7.873913600820407,27.49147545186515,8.74248658614541,2.6213888219459047,1125,49,200,28,29,371,153,269,0.119,0.726,0.155,0.9243,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,2,1,16,17,4,1,14,0,22,6,0,3,4,35,51,18,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,6,2,0,0,18,10,0,0,8,2,0,4,3,9,0,0,19,2,32,8,27,28,6,25,1,2,0,0,20,8,1,7,13,143,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.11109362604570512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207923203734064,0.094725881934018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870890190475075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31928144298009753,0.1295120081509751,0.0,0.08753767263313889,0.09505353381290993,0.0693971864428269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433803441097459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596429790313218,0.0,0.0734188412379888,0.0,0.09805217369075807,0.2310949997155185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805722232023056,0.10083045421024396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836680638041031,0.0,0.20462816949934493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470863376662088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482216459297292,0.08795424944290098,0.0,0.05947788337744257,0.0,0.06469918115212595,0.09548548839451214,0.09105005683732367,0.0,0.12541008659628172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256473011908169,0.0,0.12841903047659653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082031313413514,0.05561757895732136,0.11409985424425985,0.0,0.10074681971452183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356924071255804,0.0,0.0,0.1519811881488356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368716163753523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107253745164967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212382939232594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356936610494416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892389059032158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275293877840761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293026831704359,0.0,0.0,0.12222398541600454,0.0,0.0,0.10829006104810808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115627837545776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918685014836878,0.0,0.1183256999370879,0.0,0.0915020981558602,0.0,0.1048106599210688,0.1301885483736228,0.0,0.07563174053501523,0.0,0.0,0.09037803994963116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851380990096046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393178891074046,0.0,0.0,0.0913173959450532,0.0,0.0,0.10553291767435732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087027683268712,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,QueerAvenger,2018/02/14,"How to self-soothe when you just can't believe in someone's love? How do y'all self-soothe and calm yourselves down when you just cannot believe your partner loves you/cares for you, even when they haven't done anything wrong?",5.328666666666667,6.268768088888893,3.633333333333337,95.73000000000003,68.1111111111111,6.0,28.333333333333336,3.1291,0.5283333333333338,184,6,39,0,3,51,34,45,0.0,0.716,0.284,0.9203,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,1,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,5,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,4,6,0,5,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,0,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200992472470834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5503599884845254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499469979319966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132123684329178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408805258873756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5096007144932637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069476339738691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26704309825822314,0.0,0.0 bpd,uniqueusernamion,2018/02/14,"I dont know how to feel anymore Hi guys, new here but can relate with so many of you. I am currently going through court for custody of my 4 year old daughter and up until christmas was in a great relationship with a man for 2 years. We are still living together but he hit a wall saying he no longer wants to be with me but will stay here to help me get custody. We worked things out, not in a relationship but for the past month we have been acting exactly like that, we had an argument last night and things were said but its really annoying me. He says im calling him a liar because im telling him how hes feeling but apparently according to him hes only been cuddling/having sex ect. Because he feela pity for me. I told him hes emotionless because he hates any time i cry and never tells me how he feels. I was just annoyed that he asks me how i feel then doesnt acknowledge it and didnt get me anything for Valentine's. I know its stupid but it really upset me. He just doesnt get it and i know i drive him away but hes great 99% off the time and i jut dont know what to do! Thanks ",2.686202979045696,3.5915092789699585,4.23941428932088,89.07975258773041,74.23605150214594,7.71411259782883,25.293865185559202,8.124751697461798,1.2484690229739963,854,27,196,13,17,286,132,233,0.151,0.754,0.096,-0.929,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,4,1,0,1,10,11,5,1,8,0,22,1,0,4,2,41,41,21,0,1,11,1,4,1,0,1,0,3,0,2,10,14,0,0,9,0,0,3,8,7,0,0,9,7,33,4,23,29,0,26,0,1,0,1,37,7,0,0,16,120,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193163644444662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948539755377224,0.0,0.0,0.0991461116189574,0.0,0.11263405548718634,0.0,0.11319645263580208,0.0,0.0,0.22033344086486426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230252097083768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323434076060941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282407134239018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243676518532779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884002899321575,0.0,0.06847248394876178,0.0,0.0,0.2656628336491685,0.0,0.1192957507763677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895066123209792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075629354799219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602816593535257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648542007828281,0.09820860478752064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058861236179633514,0.0,0.10638748214029216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221494573418531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961672835586494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292285660382338,0.11636190412745978,0.0,0.11306384334919853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264251981749287,0.0,0.0,0.09163170487042648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501334377723077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436722807900852,0.0,0.0,0.25870435237420525,0.0,0.0,0.11460561532444324,0.1916236478478774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841738158679353,0.09621678130283164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061250126558853,0.1109232930202038,0.0,0.0,0.16008527612193987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050760877035098,0.0,0.0,0.1151253557487468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106318395591922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771205787942891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517243262141914 bpd,EthericSparks,2018/02/14,"Relationship Advice My 27 year old girlfriend has quiet BPD. A few weeks ago she, completely out of the blue, told me we were breaking up. She seemed very different while she was doing it and showed no emotion. I should add that we'd just moved in together the week before and things had been going well. I am assuming that this is what you guys call splitting. My question is, does this mean all the love she had for me is gone for good? If not, should I give her space when this happens? She doesn't seem to realise when she's doing it but I feel if I brought attention to it, it'd make things worse. Thanks",2.6079955290611068,4.617134926229512,3.0502086438152034,92.948219076006,76.78688524590164,6.403576751117736,22.566318926974677,7.348242739294969,0.6586622950819674,479,14,103,6,11,148,89,122,0.047,0.868,0.084,0.5514,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,17,1,0,1,1,21,30,8,0,4,5,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,12,5,0,0,7,1,0,4,3,0,1,0,8,3,19,4,8,18,2,17,0,0,1,1,18,4,0,6,8,72,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082549612854558,0.15496140887562765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875321010852244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017118349308,0.0,0.17850388549839974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328837893951025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264265137890687,0.0,0.0,0.15298026336658516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664139019990795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839083767044809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676968097874629,0.09935040520193927,0.14662506996177238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730926131929236,0.15458678999885547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777579385702714,0.0,0.1166892096374147,0.0,0.0,0.19042289026393547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579883170452452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834371114068774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583086100753347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768402103767529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31828685586431354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094456447844369,0.0,0.0,0.232276326669856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704156301988865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423924883504413,0.0,0.0,0.2804493079377668,0.0,0.1571781165043679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781496483953723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257400906212776 bpd,Anonymousexpressions,2018/02/14,"I am done with life I do not know what to do anymore I feel like I never had a purpose in life and I have been feeling like this my whole life even as a kid. I use to try really hard to accomplish things in life but always ended up in failure could not even find a job no matter how hard i tried did not matter how many places I applied and this has inflicted on my positive attitude towards succeeding in life and I just feel so depressed that I am numb and do much in life because of my depression from all this and just do not have a lot of confidence to to take a chance on even trying knowing that the world is against me and does not want me to succeed at all even though I have tried my hardest and because of this I just want to die and escape my misery and just be at peace which I have yet to find in my life to be happy and have a purpose. All of these issues are not helpful to my mental health and make it super hard since I have BPD, social anxiety, anxiety, depression which has gotten in my way my hole life and makes it harder to function as a normal person and have a normal life because these are holding me back. I feel so lost and hopeless that my life will go anywhere and that ill die alone and not have a chance to enjoy life to the fullest and just want to end myself due to all this because I can not cope nor do I know how to deal with these mental issues. People do not understand what it is like with all these mental issues and how much harder it is to do stuff like a normal person.",10.67066168009206,5.311735905063294,10.102243958573077,73.8008688147296,61.78481012658227,13.009896432681243,39.17031070195628,9.095868883498916,3.3683582278481,1190,33,256,12,11,388,135,316,0.192,0.6509999999999999,0.157,-0.9341,1,1,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,5,18,15,0,0,12,0,33,14,0,7,6,70,51,29,2,7,15,0,7,4,0,1,14,0,0,3,23,21,0,1,10,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,6,7,31,9,41,41,9,23,0,5,0,0,6,15,0,1,10,198,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619444558681257,0.0,0.0,0.061214617664820566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125589098766244,0.0,0.07295986438963664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056569387923338474,0.0,0.17938591431942452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265654503425123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058738203974965826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758455613297475,0.1900924921828196,0.0,0.1527043080548424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438000848745551,0.07528578859811708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031913934038938,0.0,0.0,0.19436435138421146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879312544521936,0.1051142423745458,0.0,0.0,0.13447996410261065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04181049103573505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831469366116135,0.1977079121437498,0.0,0.0,0.07819953319608007,0.0,0.0,0.04931119907953292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303581932033843,0.07300506508178774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129344025141928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5715971790534562,0.1437667831348101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030835697558457,0.06254503426076598,0.0,0.0,0.09821466039510228,0.07458658568649464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224182605382933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816215164223304,0.0,0.05674031434227394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162435838224997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051002911648496865,0.12847379104961046,0.07686308800350629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047129658759264025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085635721828327,0.0,0.0,0.0749934929894693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421796297705224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055314114314265785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048875428612010885,0.0,0.07228036153011902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997918553529748,0.0,0.0,0.07658706800050581,0.0,0.06353928518833027,0.0,0.0,0.13017725271876074,0.05839499551786129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821362436604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,embracethechange,2018/02/14,"My ex bf doesn't miss me Well, nobody misses me because nobody cares. I don't have family anymore, I went no contact with every last one of them because they're more toxic and fucked up than I could ever be. Ibdont have friends. It's Valentine's and right now it just hurts to know he doesn't give a flying fuck about me. I was his first everything, even the first girl he held hand with. I should be worth a little hurt, shouldn't I? He doesn't hurt. He says he misses ""things with me"" and be loves me in another way but I know it's not true. He went from ""you're the love of my life"" to not answering texts in a few months, how could he have ever truly loved me. How, when it doesn't hurt him that I'm gone. Nobody in this whole wide world loves or misses me. I'm just glad I know how and where I'm gonna kill myself, now I just need to scramble up the courage for a when. I know you folks understand me whedn I say there can't be love without hurt.",0.6739756097560985,2.5087778975609787,2.0494512195121963,98.62539634146343,82.21951219512195,5.0756097560975615,16.591463414634152,5.985473137389443,-0.7060780487804879,739,13,178,5,20,237,114,205,0.152,0.642,0.205,0.9445,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,1,1,2,17,23,3,0,7,0,18,9,1,3,3,33,45,11,1,5,8,1,1,0,2,3,1,2,0,1,7,7,0,1,6,0,1,3,11,12,1,3,5,3,26,11,18,31,3,24,0,9,0,7,24,10,2,1,10,107,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094268231299852,0.0,0.0,0.10349354402679524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722943070629755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639834244549777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664024666146393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892644238548855,0.1887927434499845,0.08792479897257605,0.0,0.09378883657380767,0.0,0.09837796125572752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775310638900142,0.0,0.0,0.08062552430738097,0.1929516887353425,0.0,0.10010820336804777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.558578620441649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545493577430856,0.0,0.2294062743279036,0.08506442436878782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371003759252348,0.0,0.1045925652268948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4709287933984082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329631234172659,0.0,0.0,0.07737897569047679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071462243186158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911982694720691,0.0,0.16597685442017684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932977966998698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863873117504552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283328224539188,0.0,0.0,0.09382896950733947,0.1934789250792586,0.0,0.11651023505288513,0.0,0.1005958812356246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hallumir,2018/02/14,"Does anyone else tend to get along better with other borderlines, or is it just me? That shouldn't be right, logically a friendship or a relationship between two borderlines should be really unstable, right? How come it seems like I'm getting along better with borderline friends than with normal friends?",7.7142307692307694,10.191765807692311,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,64.0,10.584615384615383,34.153846153846146,10.686352973137794,4.32033076923077,250,11,37,7,4,76,40,52,0.045,0.664,0.29100000000000004,0.9343,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,15,11,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566351271970275,0.24275772538797696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190819291416305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408996285773984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733471910095372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792048844263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660954316640374,0.0,0.24756713322491544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157496181563554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321362576290931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178026206815146,0.0,0.0,0.25436885076041504,0.0,0.40466541825731983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156876789263246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23144135983641226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,austinidonothing,2018/02/14,"Ben Wyatt with cops is pretty much me with everyone Especially the part where the cops offer him the beer haha ""Just tell me what you want me to do?!?"" 😂😂😂",-0.17772727272727096,1.9941353939393949,2.6456818181818207,90.78852272727272,89.0,5.724242424242425,14.31060606060606,7.1686216300943375,-0.2122666666666664,120,2,27,2,4,42,25,33,0.0,0.775,0.225,0.7993,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4373753967408687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364801906027232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4956710530955198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656703944663298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.400071407816806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26997778268952577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,favorite___color,2018/02/14,"DAE almost completely ignore / get very annoyed by their loved ones when a new exciting person is introduced to their life? i am super new to this thread so sorry if someone has posted something like this before. but it is usually with people i develop new crushes on. for example, whenever i am waiting on a text from said new crush, and a family member or long time friend messages me instead i get vehemently angry and start to loathe whatever they’re saying to me because it’s not who i want to hear from in the moment. i know it’s unfair to that loved one and whenever they need me to be there i am there for them. but unless the new person is giving me just as much attention, i don’t feel like speaking to anyone else. it’s so so shitty",3.0386590436590453,5.040259851351352,4.795945945945945,80.95529106029106,75.48648648648648,7.7970893970893975,24.8981288981289,8.617729084823388,1.9418185031185031,590,20,109,12,13,200,98,148,0.187,0.6679999999999999,0.145,-0.8049,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,1,8,9,1,0,5,0,9,3,0,0,0,19,22,13,0,3,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,0,2,8,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,5,16,7,19,20,1,15,0,0,0,2,16,3,0,3,13,76,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546308564984633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945907166856836,0.1386100466448947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246525388965258,0.0,0.1151130670078857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183819919743554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300883665460475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752966836467047,0.0,0.06840148466186607,0.09664384985545954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451676620864464,0.0,0.1413561270983466,0.1297726219688949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247006184659387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434618920838046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555205789319644,0.13218166339414705,0.0,0.0,0.11971828386987653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441904348448851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944615027627064,0.10030818876753136,0.0,0.6532699209857838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833380613331862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378591567040057,0.2362420446949235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956056473479444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286819802905894,0.10757985289710408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146220569132338,0.1041449277728177,0.0,0.15143455670017622,0.0957516730385928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888268516022644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899148531021578,0.1116199260789214,0.07979147628424944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dw_horizon,2018/02/14,"How severe does it need to be before it's BPD? For the past couple years I always thought I was type 2 bipolar but I'm starting to notice a lot of the symptoms of BPD. I've been talking to this girl lately and I find myself constantly picking apart her words and wondering if she's annoyed at me. I saw her recently and every 5 minutes I was wondering if I'd done something wrong and I kept wanting to ask if everything was all good. I match with a lot of the other symptoms (impulsivity, mood swings, boredom/emptiness, always changing my goals, etc) and those silly online quizzes seem to think I could be a candidate. However, my ex has BPD and has a long history of suicide attempts and self harm and I found it extremely difficult to deal with her outbursts and mood swings. I am nothing like this and have had long and healthy relationships in the past. I'm 21. Is it possible that BPD is just starting to show itself now? Is it likely they're just fleas I picked up from my ex that will pass with time? I'd say apart from the past 2 years of rampant drug abuse, I'm pretty functional. I guess I'm just wondering how bad does it really need to be before it's classed as a disorder? No doubt everybody shares some of the symptoms of BPD but I'm just not sure where the line is and which side of it I'm on. 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I’ve spent a few months since my diagnosis stumbling around desperately looking for answers, reasons and a thread of hope to cling to and help me come to terms with BPD and how it defines me. I stumbled randomly upon this blog/article with the hope that I’d find something useful and interesting, it’s taken me a while since I finished reading to process just how devastating it is to be so fully understood, yet written off so completely. http://gettinbetter.com/casanova.html I exhibit so many of these traits, I’m the unwilling puppeteer in a rigged show. I’m considering ending my relationship with my partner and isolating myself from my support team, it’s time to end the denial and perhaps accept that the battle is lost and that I’m better off alone. It’s just so utterly painful to read, as a borderline male I’m consumed by its stark and painful assessment of my behaviours which I’ve been in denial of for too long. I think I need to be alone. It feels like it would be a kindness to everyone I know, I just need to be brave enough to do it. 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",1.3334017595307903,3.8396840215053767,3.0599608993157403,88.1826686217009,85.12903225806451,5.532355816226785,23.508308895405673,6.980632752743323,1.0701053763440864,366,14,70,5,11,121,72,93,0.162,0.76,0.078,-0.8393,0,0,0,1,0,1,14.0,0,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,1,4,4,1,0,0,12,13,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,3,1,5,2,0,0,2,1,9,3,9,9,0,17,0,0,1,3,3,4,1,1,10,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176225917801565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387328950653971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493886748686476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359952417524672,0.0,0.08557073671843429,0.12628851621207002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490850731945312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510310494951529,0.1495470756992824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.650553099894677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33449214768670466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018120021002995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202595779921231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998246223303592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455493548664104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757499132001454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657214837823237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481997530555468,0.10003007212195704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271997871239536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696025769813303 bpd,queencream666,2018/02/15,"how do you cope with death having bpd, one of the biggest symptoms is fear of abandonment so what happens when someone you care about dies? it's not abandonment but it's someone leaving your life forever, not being able to talk to them ever again or see them or even think about how they're doing because they're dead. how do you deal with that? ",4.556323529411767,5.975406691176474,4.464000000000002,87.28100000000002,70.32352941176471,7.2047058823529415,28.30588235294117,7.554174236665415,1.5631847058823531,277,10,54,3,5,85,50,68,0.202,0.77,0.028,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,2,0,10,4,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,3,1,14,10,8,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,6,1,8,9,0,4,0,2,1,0,8,1,0,2,3,39,10,0,0.2413819831699046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714421651380685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040121578255899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461050191075886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24885422560085846,0.0,0.0,0.25051638923000663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943052335602018,0.21834382315651654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271621839252084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345329054090528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555886673699713,0.0,0.0,0.17049523322622653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356667881075265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235018875570087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090443420514357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508883040241792,0.0,0.19401369468495472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546678282379783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MelancholicCake,2018/02/15,"vent, sorry I just needed to oof- honestly, i feel unworthy of love, compassion, sympathy or any form of affection. i dont deserve to feel good. im doing DBT but its not working well because i just cant accept i deserve to recover. i only feel good when im doing destructive things and im scared of what ill be after i recover. my patchwork personality will be ruined and the years of placing peoples wants into me will dissapear. and after theyve torn all that away im terrified of what i will be, im scared that i wont like the real me. in fact, i think the real me is gone. i lost my true self when i was young and now that im older all i feel is a void knowing i never became ""me"" and that i never can be. i dont know who to believe and the only consistant thing in my life is misery, as dumb as it sounds this pain and emptiness is comforting, its familiar. new things scare me and what scares me even more is others lovng me. i always believe they have ullteriour (?) motives an di just? i cant cope. the past month ive had consistant thoughts of suicide and ive been smoking, drinking, burning and cutting. ive gone so far back an d i feel so irredeemable. theres no worth in me and nothing makes me feel whole. anyway im rambling im sorry.",1.214384615384617,3.267294438461541,3.6500000000000017,86.705,81.53846153846155,6.615384615384617,24.23076923076923,7.748469712250963,1.3673846153846156,974,37,202,17,26,338,139,260,0.276,0.637,0.087,-0.996,0,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,1,3,13,19,3,4,8,0,27,5,0,3,6,42,44,19,1,2,6,0,6,1,0,4,3,1,0,2,16,12,1,0,12,1,1,2,9,10,1,0,7,7,35,9,19,29,5,23,0,2,0,1,5,7,1,1,15,137,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682439676198253,0.0,0.0,0.05461358930400529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545393749231045,0.0617534727386548,0.0,0.04895626228374387,0.0,0.0,0.18096385427829265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824556563457012,0.07867327659664616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304403191898138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436430520071905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347205226535895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6939890994090819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827260857166946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567253647727842,0.03923543478617349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766790865580294,0.0,0.07248295743710606,0.0,0.05360758332284296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410271729791485,0.0,0.0,0.05954888594754856,0.1238801261087264,0.07756394865807502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705966086099192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215882689984987,0.08545555759981531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666503189874714,0.055676878073097485,0.07012363969683852,0.08390691120904087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282084255105885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216174889858053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378089919982051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980105624986253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784616203102515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600632900150227,0.05145943853909488,0.0,0.06375721056227578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736894942694151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722083815908696,0.0,0.0,0.08966330501245204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058466674338724975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171704041475926 bpd,CuriousMarty,2018/02/15,"Need Help Dealing With Distance Hi. I’ve been struggling with BPD in the relationship over the past year. It’s gotten too far for my partner, mainly because of issues I’ve had with being completely honest. She needs space, and I’m having trouble being okay with that. In addition she’s also said she can’t see herself with me right now- that she could see a real possibility of us being together in a year or so after I’ve collected myself (I’ve made significant progress in therapy over the past year,) when I might be ready to be vulnerable in a relationship without the stuff that made it hard. She isn’t promising anything and also doesn’t want me to just wait around because that would prove I haven’t found a way to be okay with myself. She’s my best friend and I admire her art and she admires mine. She said I’m the most special person she could ever meet but that that doesn’t mean we’re right for each other right now. I really feel like I need to give her space, but I don’t know if we should continue being friends with that space because she and I don’t know what would be best for us: Should I distance myself to see how much we miss each other, or should I stay her friend since we enjoy our company and see if maybe seeing me behaving in a stable way around her would get her to see me romantically again? Sorry if my thoughts are scattered, my heartbeat keeps racing and I’m trying to exercise a lot of control to keep myself from acting impulsively or from panicking. Thank you in advance.",5.8888331475288,6.1537415418060215,6.358567447045711,79.06100984764029,66.69230769230771,9.052471200297287,29.65458937198068,8.841846274778883,2.2108058714232635,1207,39,233,18,18,392,153,299,0.044,0.769,0.187,0.9912,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,6,1,0,5,13,18,0,1,11,2,28,1,0,4,2,63,59,20,0,15,10,0,2,1,4,7,1,2,0,2,13,22,0,4,7,2,0,2,8,3,0,0,9,10,45,15,36,33,8,35,0,1,6,0,37,18,0,9,13,167,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436229513860036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742765550238288,0.1607016472641971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650655651215615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894452804136868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367971691137375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946362312288838,0.0,0.10123462706213586,0.14413104648545466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305442953611863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164562951465802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04563833124988197,0.06448199267561032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989657851869359,0.2092047045898052,0.0,0.0471572933292729,0.0865859262830299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085552033527701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604995917973146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942083266825026,0.0,0.16045504431260682,0.0,0.0,0.0992094258489126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409663451724488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767360987434589,0.0,0.1708129997592218,0.0,0.0,0.09067862611015334,0.0983199522989808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575193881841304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635172277721382,0.20078065711637125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232738264867226,0.0,0.07881183240564331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175495214545976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273600789750613,0.057823074062412626,0.0,0.0,0.1938116155061848,0.0,0.23124546760780776,0.17171647286383576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315547475862849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466427178214485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103904170393964,0.0,0.09620549463508847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435968705515783,0.10332647506492708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309957841921156,0.10322054543883713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165661416333942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061280834368820175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171441098451466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532378769785365,0.1432888860049228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700773027582187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923550309625615,0.0,0.0,0.17437406583450552 bpd,Juzypotato,2018/02/15,"I think my gf has BPD.. I want to talk about it As the title says. I've been suspecting it for a while, but it hasn't really hit me before now. I just want to get some things off my chest and maybe learn something about the disorder in the process. Thank you",1.197272727272729,2.890719636363638,2.4309090909090934,97.22636363636366,79.9090909090909,6.581818181818183,18.272727272727273,7.554174236665415,0.0496545454545454,200,4,49,3,5,64,43,55,0.08900000000000001,0.804,0.107,-0.0129,0,0,1,0,1,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,8,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,32,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26541278022446657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928402344633609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574763452398101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629603122830752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133559240801034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998177915043504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24804367215412246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24012386729793464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25070176750255313,0.0,0.2871651932020546,0.0,0.0,0.20721941259888432,0.19985959227263456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679456747923583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FirePixies,2018/02/15,"Boredom in relationships? Is there a way to work around it? Hey guys! So, as the title says, this post is about boredom in relationships. Currently I'm (NB/25) in a relationship with an amazing guy (M/24), we've been together for 3 months, and he's been super understanding and positive and he's just awesome. During the beginning of the relationship he was the love of my life, and a month or so later, that feeling died entirely and I started wanting things with other people. I told him all of this, so he knows what's going on, knows that it has to do with my BPD, and tries to be understanding, but it's destroying him (understandably!) So I turn to this subreddit, which has helped me in the past. Do you guys have any experience with this? Do you have any coping mechanisms? Essentially, I started pursuing other people at work. Never with the intent to cheat, just to flirt, get that hype and intensity again. Once that went sideways with someone who quickly turned into an fp and then an ex-fp in a matter of days, my feelings for my boyfriend returned and it's like a cloud disappeared. It's worrying, because I'm 100% sure the feeling of boredom will return in the future and I'll try to pursue someone who is ""hotter"" or ""more exciting"" or whatever, despite rationally knowing that my boyfriend is perfect for me. My brain is just telling me that stability is stagnation and stagnation is boring. I'd also like to note that people have suggested I try and spice things up with my boyfriend somehow, but when these things happen, I essentially have no desire to be with him anymore. I only stay because I don't want to hurt him, and I know that it's a passing thing. Anyway, I'd *really* appreciate any ideas or coping mechanisms you may have! Thank you!",5.2771787148594385,6.766356918674699,6.1543975903614445,75.57729919678718,68.66867469879517,9.388755020080325,31.604417670682732,9.725611199111238,3.145553815261044,1395,59,250,32,24,460,172,332,0.084,0.768,0.147,0.9732,1,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,4,0,4,16,14,2,0,17,0,25,3,1,1,4,54,51,27,1,3,9,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,3,29,23,0,0,11,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,5,5,27,10,39,42,2,35,0,1,0,1,28,11,0,6,19,175,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771411901342796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196793841222912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566508280594443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587225850487785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760553895728855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214913997903952,0.10768428062826636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221046440064831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001130580292441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435903498331198,0.0,0.0,0.14632332569851295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039778187841722,0.0,0.05482197809099725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865397306298261,0.08530165123382329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465691764462751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326532051959772,0.10889465217734286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205351924270827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813446110312306,0.09425361003884644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706135718861471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399122124058232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074397984637153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272963235226996,0.0,0.07336423373520815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920845666625141,0.20062528105071853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238460639213564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179647872894507,0.0,0.0,0.4142593789504487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767110145434068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346507339578206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655359781992688,0.10281640848786147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091495763379047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431265571373375,0.08880989835691286,0.0,0.0,0.2563421390354552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217424820310163,0.0,0.1964755336326784,0.20984744560113347,0.0,0.3012632327414353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379240504326295,0.07656760505797283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942189371793195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045199584056536,0.09796255908057604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cosmicpinkelephant,2018/02/15,"Who are we? I was at my psychologist's maybe two weeks ago and I looked at her and asked to tell me honestly what's wrong with me. She said I go to extremes often, don't have balance. I said, bpd? She smiled. I've been suspecting for a long time anyway. I know it's not asperger's that's my issue. I wish it was just that. I like getting high on ideas. I like seeing that perspective that illuminates the nature of the entire problem or brings it to some other realm that no one thought of because the leaps in logic were too great. I like math because it allows you do all that, it allows you to see different perspectives to the same thing. Most people wouldn't characterize it that way but then most people think math is all about techniques for solving equations. No, it's about the ideas. The perspectives, the connections. But I haven't been able to express myself through math to the world because of my issues. I sell myself short every single time because something happens and I feel like abandoning it all. Only a few people know my true ability in the area. But I think that's what I want to focus on. It seems like people in the bipolar/borderline/schizophrenic camp (psychotics in other words) have gifts. And I know some people might say that I'm just equivocating but it seems like the way our brain is structured allows us to make leaps in fields that others are not able to make. And again, really, this is not an exaggeration. Some of us have received recognition like James Joyce, Nietzsche, Grothendieck, Godel and others while others among us, the majority of us don't get to express ourselves in a manner that society deems receptive such that everything else about us gets cast aside. For myself, what I hate about myself, that I constantly see myself from a third person point of view, I know is what gives me my ""abilities"". And I would say it is the case for the rest of us too. I've tried fighting myself but have now stopped or plan to do so anyway. There are bad days when the locus of projection, so to speak, is myself but then there are good days when the locus of projection is oriented rightly, where I can make connections in the things I might be interested in at that moment. So, I ask of you guys, what is it that serves as the dual to your ""illness"". What is the silver lining beneath the cloud of your ""illness""?",4.849053954175903,6.309844164079827,5.124478935698452,82.66444198078347,69.66518847006651,8.216112342941612,26.748706577974872,8.666027191798058,1.8774059127864,1862,59,353,31,33,588,213,451,0.062,0.8370000000000001,0.101,0.9392,1,0,1,0,2,0,57.0,8,5,0,1,22,18,2,0,25,0,33,3,1,6,4,63,65,24,0,5,13,0,1,7,0,4,2,5,0,2,42,9,0,2,14,0,1,3,9,6,0,3,8,11,53,12,52,52,13,44,0,1,5,0,32,22,0,12,24,261,95,5,0.15314038944737682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787485764136764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431655917002975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393291425510954,0.18670592001883105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643747978774762,0.08547766059542572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274517843627936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876288220523427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999955635105886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396457241885498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451369150012641,0.0,0.06881635374299369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03871619112922575,0.054701762410051334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001429927465725,0.07345310793070478,0.04351660622230198,0.0642234464859473,0.0,0.08441890999940012,0.0,0.07581653112531704,0.06771077031720625,0.0,0.0,0.07559721491326521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090061472098659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287685937381933,0.0,0.15983877946079555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832390614620402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26185830602445115,0.0,0.0,0.0677622128069551,0.06429967887157449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333359866610494,0.0,0.07692505233362093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624577526285954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188594559698629,0.05823508347248513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654206596738523,0.06685814058263327,0.0,0.0,0.07238358368803284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326733531989409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905282743188673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539052792159385,0.14567157916077325,0.12178338429371292,0.0,0.0,0.1830495948547483,0.13941325900210375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058947476779545975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401611137536231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692572515645119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173967002861907,0.09812617801997216,0.0,0.06078818163686055,0.08929739260915477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051986136017797634,0.0,0.07479795416059527,0.0,0.5526270984791121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04516308471336925,0.12155571304493695,0.061419991564396176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805194507790336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054393269425496577,0.08371748773981033,0.0,0.0 bpd,TRUELOVER561,2018/02/15,"I just found out I had BPD, what do I need to know? I'm reading as much as I can, and am seeing a professional. From my understanding, it stems from not loving myself enough, needing external validation constantly, and not being able to accurately judge my emotions and relationships. I just exited a relationship, where I unknowingly hurt the person I loved through my disorder. I knew the yelling was wrong, but I thought it came from a place of ""valid"" wrong doings. There is no justification to treat someone you love that way, and it is f-ing scary. I mostly understand where my disorder stems from, and what steps I need to take for myself to live with it. The drugs and alcohol fuel my disorder, and my disorder leads me to drugs and alcohol due to feelings of abandonment and being unloved\loving myself. I'm no longer drinking or drugging, but now I know there's this part of me that can hurt people without even knowing I am. I CONSTANTLY seek pitty. CONSTANTLY. My exgf\love of my life broke up with me, crying infront of my eyes, and I couldn't stop repeating ""Im sorry"" then talk about my pain. I am out of control. I attribute it to additional stressors in my life, hormonal imbalances, family issues, financial issues, and more. I constantly split. You're with me or not. There's no in between. I want to be able to have a healthy happy life. I'm working towards it. Independence. I accept my disorder. I never knew what was wrong with me. What other additional resources are out there? Edit: title says had, because I realize this disorder has wreaked havoc on every single relationship in my life. Family. Friends. Lovers. I love people then abuse them without any sense of understanding. Edit: ",3.702360344660665,6.534077357827478,4.960848097589313,76.38934843644111,77.33865814696486,8.394578371575179,28.654177558330908,9.095868883498916,3.0302596379126734,1355,60,229,36,33,447,165,313,0.231,0.655,0.114,-0.992,0,0,6,0,2,0,55.0,0,1,1,3,11,17,0,0,7,0,20,17,1,5,1,60,45,19,0,5,11,0,1,0,2,0,10,2,0,1,15,21,3,3,14,2,0,3,10,8,0,0,9,5,46,9,42,32,6,28,0,4,2,5,14,13,0,4,11,170,61,6,0.14318642968927148,0.08482625258176689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530227475639281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868584113029841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364255926509436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016914785752096,0.0,0.0,0.08188356513220711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094673251660712,0.08029787814288121,0.0,0.0,0.0786417847484523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923121605432342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013409472618992,0.24907619963514802,0.0,0.0,0.08053273051694007,0.0,0.07397492900716815,0.0,0.04728664319319164,0.0,0.060320371296642486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349834226451421,0.0,0.036199680560863534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849826477236467,0.05531274019431752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621230847253534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328403443454328,0.0,0.07733295748955543,0.14944943159326807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803727566287613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227361963066992,0.0,0.0,0.0632181203563132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584626863320498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262925053168602,0.1592563849588981,0.05521710086987878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618022829165247,0.0,0.0,0.07752847496888465,0.0,0.0992674414936878,0.06251243372330753,0.07479967167361813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161258898533403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059295919130285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056933797985688574,0.0,0.0,0.057050523026401616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060660698609096335,0.0,0.0,0.0801427425957395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598551333420675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382918767764471,0.057543914189339275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683701554693995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223593184570788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04222753303160173,0.056827361553821176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802660860079866,0.0,0.05212071307796831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348278246243704,0.0,0.0 bpd,macdangerousfem11,2018/02/15,"How are you with the people you live with, or your roommates? Posting to hear other's opinions because this pattern keeps happening over and over AGAIN, and Id like to change it since it causes nuances in MY life. With roommates- I charm the shit out of them. Sometimes they trust me so much ill get the key first day, dont need to sign a lease, not need to prove income etc. Ill move in and be my giddy and entertaining self with them. Its great, they allll think im their bff. Then, they start asking to hangout, ill decline or cancel last minute. Then... I hate them. They annoy the fuck out of me. When they knock on door, i dont answer. I avoid and ignore them. If they stop me to talk on my way out, ill get visually angry and annoyed, its very intimidating and scary for them. Then i start ignoring them completely, wont even say hi or bye. Then i lock myself in my room, or rush out the door fast to leave so i dont see anyone. Id wait hours 4 roommates to leave just so i could leave to go to the bathroom or something. Id hear their voices outside my door in kitchen and just get sooo agitated. I feel intense anxiety 247 hiding in my room, scared to see them, communicate etc. Id be like ok im gonna sprint to bathroom in 5 now 10 now 15. Happens everytime. Deff roots from upbringing, you can't even imagine.. trust me. Now im in a bad situation.. I havent lived with a family since 18yo. I dont go to family functions or ANYTHING, i do what i want. I cant be around them or parents. After so long of living alone, im totally living on the outs of society. I dont know how to relate or even fake normalcy anymore. So, i went to sleepover my bfs house who lives with parents still. He is very close with them and the house is small and crowded. I got triggered the whole drive there. I ran to his room and locked myself in THERE for 8 hrs till he got back from work. His family thought it was weird and i could hear everything. I was so scared someone would try nd come in. There was just a thin door separating us all. I was anxious the whole time about how id have to say bye when i leave.. and how messed up it is just to run out, not sit down or chat for a few min. My boyfriend felt awkward but understands me. I was so quick nd rude when i said bye. I know its WEIRD. Worst part is, im homeless as of march 1st and he offered me to live with his family. Being neglected, having no friends and having gone NC, im free. I do what i want, minute to minute. No supervision, no one to check in with. No calls to answer. Nothing. Im so far gone now and used to this. The anxiety of a family hurts so bad. ",1.1428305348796926,3.082743939449543,2.796891119958456,93.32544227107496,81.16513761467891,6.0948589233166,20.925220702786923,7.206552242816932,0.4172381859096417,2017,58,461,27,53,664,259,545,0.17,0.768,0.062,-0.9936,3,2,1,0,0,0,78.0,1,4,17,2,37,31,6,4,17,1,31,8,1,8,3,88,71,49,0,8,17,2,3,2,1,3,5,7,8,1,13,34,1,7,11,3,2,11,15,21,0,2,14,12,68,11,71,48,10,74,0,2,2,1,49,31,2,11,34,284,81,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061853274547722985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137328976898856,0.06746809045923377,0.05922749996146558,0.041758534207551344,0.0,0.04914555621283006,0.053164634766537634,0.0558313706411268,0.0,0.0,0.04592200724437705,0.09972961211005793,0.036405561202462695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060982143027000724,0.0,0.0,0.06135024468615994,0.06317723578897494,0.05144462745899032,0.06261666578555525,0.0,0.0,0.09536522587500852,0.0,0.0,0.038515309555172426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34996470017877473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321011260505755,0.11833610208594847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367366985831402,0.0,0.2814997182323804,0.0,0.030196892857797163,0.0,0.057341830932371066,0.0,0.0,0.05079892266991271,0.0,0.0,0.04614054222137953,0.055211396249887856,0.09360577140721696,0.0,0.06788200271270231,0.0,0.09552918746669202,0.0658429640435264,0.0,0.0,0.1056227287319148,0.0,0.0,0.05896243748421093,0.0,0.0,0.2019307977464167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881346838820285,0.1378207655068209,0.06393290621513119,0.0,0.4515649024674947,0.0,0.0,0.053083051558917516,0.0,0.0,0.06564254916421673,0.04868084515223535,0.0,0.2529450111746737,0.0,0.0,0.04218293314547724,0.05835363876982804,0.0,0.3164101081822435,0.05285148720102915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634743098035058,0.04390204042876713,0.0885652012948633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730421541285445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04046871074657337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262691242415725,0.06467236770577654,0.0,0.04140324235752083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719651424574133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056808649560357125,0.09498557838767256,0.11958291577891783,0.0,0.09518031676622304,0.0,0.0623023595171239,0.0,0.06130307481450922,0.0988041829560412,0.06712926377311054,0.0,0.0,0.050601679025819295,0.04597638839544165,0.05906591067419166,0.0,0.08454211267473181,0.0,0.04769352178236856,0.04992969607786114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800173328801053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03826700919938203,0.0,0.047412055637956016,0.03482398085208052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04054685478177869,0.0,0.0,0.06217199833081145,0.07183739238617085,0.051580043939581696,0.0,0.09855268391504747,0.07045036148650198,0.04740400251175873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536226020392778,0.0,0.13335343778194472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347783085657845,0.0,0.0,0.04242431089217171,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Fameisdeaddd,2018/02/15,Lying about horrible things? I think my BPD has gotten worse over the years and one thing I can’t seem to kick is lying about not only stupid trivial things but about really messed up things. Like I can’t tell if it is part of the manipulation aspect or part of the abandonment aspect but does anyone else struggle with this or has anyone possibly over come this aspect of the disorder? I really want to change things in my life for the better and to stop doing that because all it does it hurt everyone around me and ruin relationships. ,8.670291262135922,7.481128844660194,8.368271844660196,71.75706796116506,61.52427184466021,11.735145631067965,30.308737864077678,10.793553405168565,3.0112617475728154,433,10,79,9,5,139,67,103,0.298,0.611,0.091,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,1,1,5,0,7,1,0,1,1,19,12,8,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,1,0,7,2,16,11,3,8,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,4,3,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140229812269843,0.156811029931871,0.0,0.13624105640327472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932938247193494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535443378682524,0.0,0.0,0.19275278116058647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189960454588254,0.13183332156919492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540097398175725,0.0,0.2678585885651568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784810694574458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623950932482904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383610495831535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809906621508067,0.07476926556429928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037061559362384,0.11639638784781417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314621358738941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253341718110315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19608701787098634,0.0,0.0,0.16431131658767215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932494639252693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795111956310834,0.0,0.1599941713745113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376666088213096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5083761105002512,0.09806401909111004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026895148497133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596428036672613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855491980767862 bpd,slicedcheese,2018/02/15,"I’m not sure what to do about previous diagnosis? So a few years ago in high school (I was 17 or maybe 18), my mom made me see a therapist because I was very emotionally unstable, mostly depression and anxiety. I don’t really remember my therapist discussing borderline personality disorder with me or anything about a diagnosis but later my mom told me she had talked about the disorder with her and my therapist thought I had it. (I also remember my mom buying a book “walking on egg shells” about living with someone that has bpd). I’ve always brushed off the diagnosis though..I was sick of being dragged to countless therapists and psychiatrists & I didn’t like this one. So I am 23 now though and I’m doing a lot worse. I don’t want to self diagnosis...I don’t know if it’s technically self diagnosing...but I do think she was right about me having Bpd. All the symptoms are exactly what I’ve been going through and struggling with for a very long time. I currently see a psychiatrist, but I haven’t mentioned anything about Bpd or how bad my mental health has been (past or present) and I really don’t want to. I take antidepressants, but I just don’t want a diagnosis from my current psychiatrist to affect any other medication I’m prescribed. I don’t know what to do..I don’t know what kind of help I need and I’m kinda scared to go back to therapy. Should I just not worry about an official diagnosis or... I’m sorry if none of this made sense, but I am just struggling a lot and would appreciate any advice:)",4.167834870443567,5.8034812424242475,5.894571805006592,75.80098814229252,71.5925925925926,9.879022105109062,30.08476064997805,10.176274734539398,3.2371921826965315,1207,51,232,35,23,414,150,297,0.13699999999999998,0.802,0.061,-0.9683,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,0,17,8,0,3,13,0,29,5,0,4,3,52,51,24,0,8,16,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,10,12,1,0,7,1,1,3,12,5,0,1,13,3,32,3,28,35,6,19,0,1,2,0,14,5,0,11,12,150,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552709696601214,0.0775844340760616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999263058523893,0.07282668744680316,0.09483183726183984,0.0,0.1190381654400098,0.0,0.06695535201920172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440490114662062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730028366602897,0.07307859115557032,0.053353604142526316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306989164936657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538399074321084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006193691852212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845232490648437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948341356403592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303354623138813,0.0,0.0,0.0586652570903182,0.09247354068419923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911424120635114,0.14430212585668198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04275963397304769,0.0,0.07728498568650627,0.07745567526855639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881895322450353,0.0,0.16563398607406804,0.0,0.0,0.08792926952583359,0.0,0.0,0.0881708685403069,0.08820325253779343,0.0,0.0,0.3075199201287879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489767681935431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930828977812923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355122659881098,0.0,0.07642227447295538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213978160343613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982944654897832,0.07474471813315083,0.0,0.0,0.08762644139991793,0.08857860558088991,0.1394900332579354,0.0,0.1826125084756076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415850388011899,0.0,0.0,0.09797555953070257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299744297773973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824900035021215,0.09097058364940787,0.06580689169078688,0.07034819383117752,0.0,0.0,0.10009092053809583,0.40648681008329773,0.0,0.05608162031036428,0.17198308177038726,0.06948400092016217,0.05103574365234987,0.0,0.0,0.08363259748419312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444323534952476,0.15487114774353933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888845141872458,0.08919407581469263,0.0621742891634721,0.0,0.0,0.05636236046207176 bpd,Mirror001,2018/02/15,"As someone with BPD I feel disgusted by these idiots who cut, purge or do self-harm at all, weak people who found an excuse to live their entire lives like the victim, ""Oh it's so hard to have bpd I'm sad all the time, please accept me and hug me and give me love"", ""Yes please it's your fault not mine to be this completely antissocial moron"". Just like children, these persons victimize themselves so hard it makes bpd looks like a mediocre disorder with uncountable self-depreciating memes and ""orientational messages"" such as a fucking emo in the background as the sentence ""I'm dying inside"" is god damned printed in. BPD is mostly an aggressive issue, it goes from slight paranoia to extreme psychopathy, meaning it's not supposed to be taken as a ""friendly"" disorder which needs passion, but as an individual disfunction that seriously compromises the others around the host, not the latter itself.",13.177777777777774,9.453814185185188,11.911604938271608,57.75222222222222,55.29629629629629,14.503703703703707,46.13580246913581,12.161744961471696,5.571498765432099,726,31,116,15,6,233,112,162,0.156,0.726,0.118,-0.6722,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,5,21,9,0,13,1,6,5,0,1,2,21,18,12,1,1,6,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,14,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,13,0,0,2,4,7,8,18,14,3,5,0,1,1,4,11,4,2,2,4,73,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289820040753452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6389099641788882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329701391489427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162090162278314,0.0,0.29069731012146205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064124861884506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905344767443412,0.09798213051771644,0.1172446177044542,0.0,0.12165893037676895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272146650459711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236890507256496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858760292422292,0.0,0.22397176845971356,0.0,0.10649828680449172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144615353405878,0.0,0.0846544692710055,0.0,0.0,0.1381460099218607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403668330299987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792219816288843,0.11073581635151876,0.0,0.2784242846428495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646053829397764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074556145208469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739507529110479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdhelpthrowaway3,2018/02/15,"Providing Help & Seeking Hope I’m new to this world – please forgive my ignorance of proper terminology etc. I’ve reached a point at which I don’t know where to turn, and I’m looking for short-term advice and long-term perspective. Some background – last summer, my significant other started seeing a therapist, and was initially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, along with bipolar 2. After months more of therapy, the diagnosis changed to borderline personality disorder (still with anxiety). A few months ago (December), her work schedule made it impossible to continue seeing the therapist. I have observed a dramatic decline since that point. Thankfully none of the more harrowing symptoms have manifested – no self-harm, no suicidal thoughts. However, she has begun to experience increasingly severe paranoia (believes people are listening to our conversations, have hacked her computer etc). She has increasingly begun to try and convey her thoughts and feelings through obtuse analogy, which I cannot understand and she will not explain. So far the damage caused by this paranoia is not catastrophic – she is suspicious of her friends, but has not yet done irreparable harm to relationships. By far the biggest obstacle is that she has come to suspect her former therapist has been ‘compromised’, and is thus deeply resistant to seeking help again (and does not believe she needs it). From my perspective, she is on a destructive path, and while my best efforts may slow the descent, I see heartache and trauma as unavoidable conclusions. What I’m looking for advice on is how I can be supportive and get her and us off of this destructive path. I can’t force her to seek help, and I’m at a loss as to how to move forward. In the last months, I have tried pushing us towards healthy habits (eating, sleeping, exercise etc.), and promoting mindfulness and positivity. I can’t think of anything beyond professional help at this point, and that is met with such resistance. I don’t know what to do. The other thing I’m looking for is perspective on the future – I don’t expect or need a ‘normal’ life, but can there ever be stability? Am I going to deal with these same issues a decade from now? Does this ‘mellow’ with age, or become more extreme? Thanks in advance for your thoughts. ",9.27980909090909,9.560411690000006,8.84690909090909,64.01845454545455,59.6,12.872727272727275,41.93181818181819,12.24349002098031,5.6163250000000025,1836,95,286,56,22,588,221,400,0.122,0.762,0.116,0.2119,1,1,0,2,0,0,60.0,3,1,0,7,13,14,2,0,18,0,35,7,1,5,1,60,69,26,1,5,8,0,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,1,18,24,1,1,12,1,0,8,13,7,0,0,8,8,33,7,51,57,13,51,0,2,6,0,31,20,0,5,25,204,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543519963849626,0.07503584709132369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171668679303104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295118438611831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696585579746441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348769156209462,0.0,0.1907398953477568,0.08883344848509682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695739565388833,0.08954695970528416,0.07291724502653023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872689554942288,0.0,0.08591651349273344,0.0,0.0,0.1940291823870482,0.0,0.1481530625367324,0.08662487322036767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661661640357188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832165835561084,0.0,0.07656947491841215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280254114490038,0.0,0.0,0.04280085879341095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539927275195644,0.0,0.04422538242720892,0.0,0.04810773125570275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269526001201073,0.0,0.0,0.08407512665796002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835111138100063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304127715549776,0.13799975971810796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978978610659525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491131790829003,0.21325043054918136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009652064997773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547092190302255,0.0,0.20269703534455152,0.08996803027724679,0.0,0.125531679450678,0.0,0.0817541133217048,0.0,0.0,0.0829376228995693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058684657990434486,0.07391186350733697,0.0,0.0929187068903023,0.24006076946349345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088088193216448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236184482659475,0.0,0.08830691636872169,0.09562878625974623,0.0,0.0700221692148024,0.0,0.08470969901125322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991469128509204,0.0,0.06760045481436129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259179309218407,0.09605819050623723,0.0,0.08798227229231792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558660548843732,0.09680301336429674,0.2948505311272993,0.05623674648222338,0.05423938366446848,0.0,0.20160452017580852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494164079757233,0.09207333326169106,0.0,0.08812214336065839,0.2036436067834332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061625164810813274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,starrylions,2018/02/15,"Why do I have such a huge problem with sex? Does anyone relate to this? TW - talking about sex Diagnosed with BPD a year or two ago and have been in treatment ever since, I just have this one big problem (along with my heroin addiction), other than that, I’m doing very well. I haven’t even told my therapist because I’m so ashamed. I just feel so undesirable sometimes. I just feel SO ugly when I compare myself to porn stars and celebrities. I’m actually objectively attractive, I just feel so ugly when I compare myself. I have a boyfriend of 1.5 years, I’m 21, he’s 27. I have sex with him but he seems to have enjoyed sex more early on the relationship and mostly only cares about doing romantic things. When he has sex with me, I think he sees it as “making love”. Early in the relationship, it was more of “fucking” and I kinda miss that. I feel like he could watch porn anytime and the thought of how there’s so many better looking girls out there just makes me rarely wanna have sex. I don’t think he watches porn anymore, we live together. When i have sex with him (or when i had sex with others in the past), I dont give a shit about my own pleasure, I just wanna be the best ever, I’ll do anything to make the guy think I’m incredible. I never want guys going down on me, I can pleasure myself if I wanna feel good but sex isn’t about feeling good/love/whatever. Ever. It’s about feeling desired, having someones full attention, being good enough at something. I don’t think I have a sex drive or tbh I don’t even know what that is. I just have a “I want to feel desired” drive. I just dont understand how people “make love”. As long as I feel uglier than porn stars, I could never. I have sex with my bf and I just think “yep he’s imagining I’m this or that porn star because I’m just so ugly” and I have to try really hard to only focus on him so I can be better than everyone else. I have to be better than that porn star in his mind. I watch porn, but I also hate it too. I hate myself for watching it. Sometimes I see sometimes that reminds me of something my boyfriend would like and I literally start crying. That’s why I only watch things I know my boyfriend wouldn’t like. I’m turned on by everything he wouldn’t like. Not just my boyfriend, but in the past with other guys I just want to die thinking about this honestly I seriously cant. I dont know why I feel this way about sex fucks sake I just wish I was normal. I’ve been with so many guys for someone who wants to die thinking about sex. Before my boyfriend i’d use tinder and meet up with someone new every week (i’m not exaggerating). I stopped counting a long time ago but the number is really high. Sometimes I have the urge to just to sleep with another guy and cheat (I would absolutely never do that, it’s just an urge) because maybe someone will make me feel good about myself. and the shitty thing is, every guy in the pst including my boyfriend has certainly seemed like they desire me and think I’m attractive but IT’S NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. I wasn’t sexually abused or anything so why am I like this? Is this a part of my BPD? Does anyone relate? Please someone relate lol I fee so alone ",1.8798805256869784,3.9440384814814813,3.3453882915173274,89.69327956989252,79.30864197530863,6.032497013142175,22.334328952608523,7.1029339738359605,0.6753646156909601,2488,77,522,30,62,816,241,648,0.121,0.691,0.189,0.9944,0,1,2,0,1,1,70.0,1,0,1,4,52,36,6,1,20,2,55,28,2,8,8,124,118,45,2,21,29,0,12,6,1,5,2,0,0,7,30,27,0,1,28,0,1,3,18,11,1,2,8,20,81,25,67,99,9,49,0,1,8,24,31,18,3,10,33,337,111,0,0.0,0.06267187229136828,0.05161784594324224,0.0576633085969488,0.0,0.0,0.09377637231197558,0.0,0.0,0.05478322115166278,0.0,0.042300076445882885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546497236971264,0.0,0.0,0.052457582114680684,0.07397076488477608,0.0,0.08705608213358715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967328209422178,0.0,0.0450097108530236,0.0,0.05550999196928096,0.14034386784574254,0.0,0.0,0.13323868842846268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053929931941025695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446463501714789,0.0,0.05810262437055564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053687265949270924,0.1097932246183042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257746324030293,0.0,0.18597748014498572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418694761483411,0.0,0.0,0.10930925656609287,0.0,0.06987323789730182,0.14353954541772124,0.08913256194659899,0.050543396317143115,0.0475385749157172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941980644969643,0.03778816645914989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780106721806657,0.0,0.05074166072786997,0.030061421921635714,0.22182889357376048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142459298158592,0.0,0.0,0.04738349009996234,0.1044456344779738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588642414860221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720905192450877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550508192706226,0.0,0.046707214392762514,0.09362074143040963,0.04441844031011468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321928627819622,0.0,0.17653896617142592,0.10725436446558738,0.05314009191644537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053408825947354535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318340083128832,0.05108627720002186,0.0,0.0,0.05182582529010695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035842990476464866,0.1206869905685014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572800817472264,0.10098843957501827,0.0366707017381581,0.0,0.0,0.05806277659188217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122665673301152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777172532004166,0.0,0.0,0.11357877268632575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430086168948459,0.09630716097030284,0.0,0.0,0.05429591124151438,0.043755253421659125,0.0,0.05293315515747141,0.0,0.2240886188311727,0.08144224122779105,0.20925785227373844,0.0,0.03743932143572442,0.0,0.0,0.04422255090404865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04251496124673679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061415119695446885,0.10542317332633176,0.2711436111489925,0.0,0.041992685888684315,0.03084347366167096,0.0,0.0,0.050543396317143115,0.0,0.035912202365304034,0.057534521929528015,0.051670685149717926,0.05506551365150057,0.0,0.04568425802540815,0.0,0.04364387752698794,0.12479525980639306,0.04198555326399058,0.042429142369433334,0.0,0.04755891702184609,0.0,0.1909178786073912,0.0,0.06082658786592126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515011687924605,0.0,0.0,0.06812523365049361 bpd,kinakona,2018/02/15,"A glimpse at What my bpd looks like Im 19 I wish I knew how to fix myself I feel so stuck in this mindset. I’m so tired of going through these good and bad phases I just want to be normal. I would kill to think normal thought and have normal emotions. Everyday is so unpredictable and it’s scary as fuck. I have medications but I always forget to take them even though they are the only thing keeping me sane. I wish I could stick to a routine but it’s like one day in seeing the world from this good happy perspective that wants to live a healthy life then the next I’m thinking fuck it who cares I’m probably dying young anyways because I’ll end up accidentally committing suicide. That’s another thing I use suicide a lot for attention. I love overdosing and having people pay attention to me for once. I love being admitted to the icu and being poked with needles and having my family and boyfriend care. Well at least that worked the first few times. It’s kind of just normal to hear that I ODed now since I do it at least once every couple months. Honestly I don’t do it on purpose though I don’t mean to at all it just happens when I get bad and stop taking my meds for too long. It’s weird because the stupidest shit will trigger it. Like the other night I was at work. I work with my boyfriend and I asked him to please mop for me while I counted money so we could close fast but he didn’t feel like it and so he told me he’d meet me in the car. This fucking flipped the switch it ruined the entire day for me. Then as I was mopping the mop fucking broke so I threw that shit on the floor and left. On the way home my emotions started to go wild and I sobbed the whole ride home which isn’t unusual I do it every day. I asked my boyfriend if he really cared or loved me because i get the feeling he really doesn’t and is lying because he feels sorry for me all because he wouldn’t mop. He tells me yes but that’s not enough reassurance for me my thoughts tell me I should jump out of the car but I know better than to do that. I just want to stop feeling sad. We make it home and I’m still crying we are parked outside and I’m crying my eyes out yelling help me. I ask my bf why he won’t do anything then he tells me what am I supposed to do o don’t know how to help you. I then explain what my thoughts are at that moment. I tell him that I’m scared of losing him like I have lost everyone else. We started arguing because I still feel like he’s lying. I told him I should run in front of a car on the busy highway just feet away from our apartment. He told me that if I keep up my ways that he may one day stop caring. I get furious and tell him I fucking hate my life as I get out of the car and dart towards the road. I remember time felt slow I heard him screaming my name but I kept running for some reason I didn’t care anymore. I wanted to make him pay for what he said. I stopped but he was right behind me and pushed me out of the road. I realized I didn’t want to die. We went inside and he held me and told me things were ok until I stopped crying then we smoked weed till I felt better. I realized how much I love him and how much he loves me and I things felt ok again. But then I started to feel guilty. I started seeing that I was a terrible person taking advantage of yet another person just trying to help me. I eventually fell asleep then woke up the next morning. Mornings are always my favorite because the day isn’t good or bad yet and I love waking up to my bf and kissing him on the cheek. I feel like i have to make him feel loved because I know what it’s like to feel unloved all the time and I don’t want anyone else to feel that. I’m also scared of losing him. An hour goes by and I start feeling sad again. I started remembering the night before and I feel guilty again. I wake my bf up and tell him I need to go to my moms house ASAP. He drops me off because he now has to go cover my 9 hour shift. My mom knows I feel bad and asks if I’ve taken my meds which I haven’t been. She knows I tend to do that a lot so she gives me my Effexor and a trazedone so I can sleep and let it pass. I woke up later around 7 feeling normal again (for now anyways) I asked my mom to drop me off with my bf again at our work. I get really anxious if I’m not around him. I walk in and I apologize to my boss for having another episode he understands though since it’s happened before and asks when Ill be back. I told him I’d be back the next day. Things have been feeling pretty ok now I feel stable for now but I haven’t been taking my meds because I lost the ziplock bag I had them in. I feel better when I step back and talk about my episodes in detail it feels like I am more aware of my emotions. Anyways I just wanted to babble hope someone finds this useful.",1.296313844086022,3.0102752031250013,2.8549747983870963,94.20517977150541,79.68359375,5.771488575268817,21.459971438172047,6.633692148743171,0.23315605258736616,3744,107,861,35,93,1228,373,1024,0.168,0.66,0.172,-0.2545,0,0,1,0,1,3,56.0,8,1,3,13,53,68,11,2,36,4,62,27,9,12,4,171,193,81,5,26,24,3,22,9,4,7,5,5,7,2,50,50,0,9,45,0,3,20,16,30,1,3,36,31,167,38,103,141,14,134,0,9,4,13,97,43,8,11,76,542,217,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029051148690291007,0.0604549052649728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427788988586347,0.0,0.04103981964060612,0.036027192998018015,0.025401085174768568,0.037221893693913606,0.029894499005133406,0.06467848748130052,0.2037682731913824,0.0,0.03413095264603985,0.08380098867549503,0.12132803125048952,0.22144952606401133,0.0,0.061824181531731574,0.0,0.0,0.09638636416587493,0.0,0.0,0.04575330914338533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851919196505971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800922544652171,0.04019577089716126,0.11971240633888458,0.14056968384200574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754045751584764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060694055102757966,0.12259089732082347,0.03217544895148339,0.0375360960610724,0.0,0.023994020746316687,0.0,0.061215097650473636,0.034712554801175695,0.0,0.0,0.03424640474186478,0.0,0.34899795644061793,0.10380970766733257,0.10464050708898764,0.0,0.033202745520587,0.030900216830206568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792128907001874,0.09489829314677226,0.034848720249561774,0.08258319241614642,0.09140953935521257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424870939137703,0.03867137921259736,0.0,0.03586595949954518,0.0,0.0,0.04094381735616695,0.0,0.07304882353047648,0.0,0.10931855941282144,0.036081478906694116,0.07155068770024726,0.041917144242786926,0.0,0.0,0.03924001496146758,0.0,0.0,0.06457923581718371,0.040191079480647186,0.037829579238692713,0.0998234261601358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03947001664954268,0.037147406817999176,0.05131848126776796,0.15973036399632956,0.0,0.03207791437373424,0.03214876080980271,0.030506013758411395,0.08128252862742577,0.07931167910789261,0.06176881054346725,0.22950938401697515,0.0,0.07274681542154318,0.0,0.0,0.03957137908783878,0.12105523944328014,0.03659621006810332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763925073523275,0.028996323867135226,0.0,0.053409895219721996,0.02693643663867557,0.0,0.0,0.1159043647689829,0.06818193668571262,0.17796655266405342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737536377568864,0.04923301011848709,0.027628757854018283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025184966512660598,0.06343967473147882,0.0,0.03987676850418775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036958203885379036,0.03916727020982184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981712450764566,0.03735079756167625,0.0,0.0,0.0823041219230924,0.031023550653031126,0.03455584286014683,0.0,0.0727404801626916,0.0,0.05789674803056391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457946761727911,0.060101091058794284,0.0,0.03635381044980638,0.0,0.030780236502858476,0.0,0.0,0.04066574615272667,0.1542770678371233,0.0,0.058022496817407426,0.15185739716346575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947294193156766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925526183941464,0.029198728808943437,0.19051141109044545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067213352139132,0.046554486573974665,0.10707497429978777,0.08652011042232459,0.06354870355494285,0.041753203586210416,0.0,0.1735627740058785,0.0,0.02466403889470541,0.0,0.0,0.03781828684975566,0.0,0.06275072218366773,0.0,0.0,0.1499886151022738,0.05767027642499877,0.0,0.0,0.03266285278984027,0.033676026076925145,0.0327799861434889,0.040558440277279145,0.08354983711089349,0.0,0.0,0.10578762935624504,0.0,0.0,0.0258060670687537,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bebo889,2018/02/15,"How do you tell your religious parents that you have BPD (or any mental illness for that matter) ? I'm 20yo, i live with my parents and they're pretty religious people and i believe the idea of mental illness for religious people is just total BS, If you're not feeling well then you're not close enough to God. Now that is total BS. Anyway I had a series of events that led me to seek a psychiatrist, and i've been diagnosed with BPD. My Relationship with my parents is almost non existent, we live together but we barely talk. I don't know if i should tell them at all, but i feel that at some point i'll have to tell them because there will come a time where i won't be able to pay for the medicine that i've been prescribed, or for the doctor's fee. I don't even know if i'll be able to hide taking medicine from them. I really hope someone would tell me how to go on about this. 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I was thinking how useful it would be to ‘match’ with someone who is also in recovery. We could encourage each other, share skills and perhaps occasionally call on each other in difficult moments to get another perspective. A little about me - I’m a 25 year old woman, living in London and doing a PhD. I’m in a DBT course and currently learning lots about mindfulness / Buddhism. Interests include classical music, politics, queer stuff, cooking. I’m really serious about recovery and am doing everything I can to get better! If anybody likes the idea just comment or pm me :)",6.064152542372881,8.649421347457633,7.2120000000000015,64.37325423728814,68.57627118644068,10.48271186440678,38.07118644067796,10.577609850970193,5.242366779661016,541,31,74,17,10,182,84,118,0.033,0.7909999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.9517,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,7,0,11,2,0,2,0,21,18,8,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,6,14,12,3,12,0,0,0,1,7,7,1,3,5,54,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118526534690394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135035773064145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826101415732856,0.0,0.0,0.5077086178860915,0.0,0.20581249452324016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092706859627304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811466658176536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210610695293337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275336091588773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847069456388904,0.20201332218528287,0.17797875034915958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713567718742015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035153717323564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115004353063531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291227397981645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077880950751503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307348367482044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914975155565556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408075518309254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863609843714857,0.0,0.0,0.1297962649881146 bpd,trevorisagirl,2018/02/15,"FP/boyfriend told me we aren’t in a relationship & is currently sleeping with another woman. I’ve been having the worst four days and today was by far the hardest. I was informed by my supposed boyfriend that we aren’t in a relationship at all (it’s a bit complicated but we broke up in January, were friends with benefits for a while, and then we were supposedly in an open relationship) and after he made no effort to see me today, he invited an incredibly awful woman over and they’re having sex. She’s 23 and has no personality aside from trying to be the ”thicc goth gf” but failing. She also dressed up as the Columbine shooters for halloween last year. I guess I just don’t understand why he would pass up me for her. Not to brag, but I was a pretty fire gf. He and I get along incredibly well and I’m one of few people that’s on the same intellgence level as him so we have great conversations. He’s also told me himself that I’m one of the most active sexual partners he’s had. So I’m just not sure why he wants to ignore me. I’m incredibly upset about this, as he’s been my FP for almost a year. I’ll split on him and be aggressive in texts when he isn’t texting back but the second he hits me back up or calls me I immediately just want to be forgiven. All of my friends are telling me I should just ghost him for a bit to try and make him see what he’s missing. I’m just not sure if I can actually ghost him though. I’m not sure I have the willpower. I guess I’m just looking for input on this. ",3.1616854705558595,4.1695611867088616,5.003703907539904,83.65940286186024,73.20886075949367,8.280462300495321,26.71381397908641,8.716276077567194,1.7616446340121077,1189,41,260,22,23,408,158,316,0.146,0.753,0.101,-0.8975,5,0,0,1,0,0,26.0,5,0,0,2,16,15,1,1,17,1,25,2,1,2,5,53,47,26,2,5,16,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,4,7,18,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,7,1,4,11,4,35,8,40,30,8,31,0,3,3,1,42,17,0,6,13,172,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.11471388097685555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771143595422046,0.0,0.0,0.18801272490372772,0.0,0.1273676384366781,0.0,0.0,0.12326361401829836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078059951517905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566728691501797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003382514917697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758113720382872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164090346372616,0.0,0.06141611429361584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960159222028092,0.2589937561527489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958206413397173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098714147826216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123062813208212,0.07846693167101207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593126744534389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149581675985391,0.10264194920851527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959273442361168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786208502122391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734758952799632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763698289813207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33237435583017033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274570639249686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549432979809456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285126919067447,0.2246521156913897,0.0,0.1596203031130002,0.0,0.0,0.12237586949857288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867053456325545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569344471737788,0.0,0.2121449510601796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350563071308517,0.0,0.0,0.1513993813902325 bpd,NurseJackie911,2018/02/15,"I wish I was less needy! Absence does NOT make my heart grow fonder For some reason, distance isn't a good thing from me. If I'm dating someone and I don't hear from them for a day, my feelings start to fade. I assume they don't care about me, and my paranoia gets the best of me and I think they're talking to another woman or looking for another relationship. I can go from completely loving them, but when they're quiet and I don't hear from them, my heart does a complete 180 and I feel the need to reach out to another man to keep myself from spiraling/occupied/seek attention. In my head its like we've broken up during the period of silence. When there's a void, my mind has no problem running itself in circles thinking of every heartbreaking reason of why I don't have someones full attention all the time. 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I had planned out Valentine's day with my so and I was super excited to spend time together and cook them a meal and do cute stuff. The usual. My so comes home as I clear everything out to start cooking and decides to have us test drive a borrowed car that we have for the day. We aren't getting a new car anytime soon. It's just for fun. I had voiced that I wanted to do cute things, flowers, coming together, spending time with pets, etc and they were like ""ok we can stay home I guess"". I didn't want them to feel like garbage (I guess a new car for a day was my surprise...?) so I say we can do whatever they have planned. Nothing is planned. We have this car and no place planned. I don't do well with sudden changes of plans where the plan is vague and I don't know what's happening. It gets confusing and kind of scary. Anyways so we go to the mall with no real intent on buying anything. I just got more and more disappointed because the whole staying home and giving each other treats and whatever seemed more fun and laid back. I found out I got rejected for a job and that hurt too. I just felt like I was being dragged along but I tried to have fun... We talked about it later because my so could sense I was disappointed. I decided to be honest and say yes, I was disappointed on top of being overwhelmed by a change of plans and I had all my feelings building up and I was trying to keep myself together. My so loses it. Like I have never seen my so cry. Ever. My so says that nothing they do ever seems to work for me, I'm always miserable, why can't anything make me happy, etc. I am just absolutely devistated. I felt like a piece of shit making them feel like that but I also felt upset that I couldn't be honest that changing plans suddenly was absolutely overwhelming and the rejection from the job was sticking me too. I try so hard to explain what's happening in my head and I can't even keep myself together at this point. We came to a resolution point after a while but it's not like it didn't hurt at all. I'm still crying over it. I made my fucking beautiful patient so cry and feel unappreciated because of my mental illness and how overwhelmed I was. I just feel like a trash bag and I'm not worthy of them or their time... I'm just so distraught right now. I'm a mess and hoping they don't wake up to see this because I can't hurt them anymore than I have already... Any support would be appreciated...",1.8328496136318573,3.864535609708738,3.4021834753318814,89.39044382801666,79.31067961165049,6.301169011293839,23.908262334059835,7.369714342285796,0.9740536952645132,1969,69,419,27,49,650,228,515,0.174,0.69,0.136,-0.9808,4,1,0,0,0,1,58.0,9,0,10,12,34,45,2,7,20,2,47,8,3,5,6,97,94,42,0,7,13,0,9,8,0,1,1,4,4,0,23,43,3,2,15,3,4,9,15,19,1,0,24,15,69,26,49,62,11,54,0,13,2,1,25,19,2,9,31,285,92,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009562596086624,0.0,0.07724755334192285,0.05597956364180446,0.05824622036151755,0.0,0.0,0.047602901207845286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694219207911093,0.0,0.0,0.11520928328434794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382624543602303,0.0,0.17068719684589628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006219408025926,0.0,0.0,0.22215449216649288,0.12059887231133365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055889892036878636,0.0,0.30757008799911545,0.13543405196524552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613864998285878,0.04623482622702989,0.12663934745850147,0.0,0.0,0.06291214824019771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697237815841574,0.15002562030213346,0.20163505369604706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675219439971201,0.0,0.06471455286345029,0.07314499123380637,0.06715108493103243,0.0397830316873844,0.0,0.11197196724269133,0.0,0.15422740628653406,0.0,0.12380284010870768,0.0745170856005234,0.06270691030582816,0.0,0.07184095080206786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064933848641973,0.06952652600008004,0.0,0.0,0.22481170845130655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389298592549889,0.12443974177776035,0.0,0.07289499500041527,0.03847057407090992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735905916128603,0.0,0.0,0.061948448956132225,0.0,0.07831291858325817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623638936807218,0.09345207027883357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054427798424351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05190465909536012,0.05398888335230363,0.13521429491505488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343351890920978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313587068423075,0.0,0.13234664434983695,0.0,0.06704135552030409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967616318210785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978024644362879,0.0,0.16700218572665393,0.0,0.0,0.05578152391808236,0.12745208282533274,0.0,0.0,0.07185475001972376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04954688154520105,0.14922294230486222,0.055902678545925684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013409569620793,0.0,0.15887201233541606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562639403710155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046505378842459706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245397705038058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425777152245478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420226697593645,0.0,0.07709592156090554,0.0,0.08257649601963607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629390688115141,0.0,0.0631647767205216,0.07815332236666647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05096136983425612,0.0,0.0,0.04972651474889068,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,poutwife,2018/02/15,"What is your most difficult symptom to deal with? As someone with quiet BPD, the hardest thing for me to deal with is anxiety. It's the most constant and overwhelming feeling. 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(i would only leave such claims to medical “professionals”). im looking for trends amongst this community’s illness that may be prominent in my dysfunctional lifestyle so that i can seek more effective help for once in my life. I need professional help. any of your input is greatly appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read my post. Hello. I’ve been treated for bipolar spectrum illness for almost 3 years. Ive been suicidal since i was 12. I’m 18. I feel like i’ve been misdiagnosed for the reason that I have extremely codependent tendencies. Dangerously on and off in my relationship, anger and love in constant battle that destroys my life. Literally feeling like dying without her. Then wanting to never see her again. Taking sleeping pills when she wont talk to me. Blocking her when she triggers me. In my research behind codependent relationships (online lectures and books by psychotherapists specializing in codependent relationships) I have found that an individual with any type of personality disorder is usually a key ingredient for a codependent relationship. A dysfunctional person, one who denies being ill and refuses treatment (me). my parents dont force me to have a pdoc/therapist because one is absentee and the other is sort-of easy to fool. I prefer to hide my problems because theres so much social stigma around being a mentally dysfunctional male. I’ve been hospitalized for suicide had drug and alcohol problems major depressive episodes cyclothymic hypomania (never full mania) been on paxil, seroquel, lamictal, xanax, zoloft (prescription) i no longer take medication because i would abuse it to try to hurt myself, and i had a lot of nightmarish side effects. I also believe that my old psychiatrist was over medicating me which has made me distrustful of psychiatrists and medication. This psychiatrist (one ever saw him) was retiring and didnt care about me, i dont know why i went to him. i was too young to understand what a good psychiatrist was like. I use extensive exercise and bad coping mechanisms to calm myself down when needed. my question is, do you find any similarity between your problems in mine. were any of you called manic-depressed before you were called BPD? is codependency something that most of you struggle with? what do you do to cope? meditation, exercise, psychiatric medication? seriously, any input is really appreciated. I need the help of a therapist and I need to stop lying to myself about being normal. i need to stop denying treatment. again, Thank you for taking the time to read my post. it means a lot to me, to hear from people who know first-hand what it is like to have BPD. 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Today is February 16th and I feel like I've just barely gotten anywhere. I started focusing in creating myself a daily routine (wake up, feed dog, put on face, eat breakfast, shower, take medicine, make time for boyfriend, etc). and its been going okay. I feel better about organizing my life, but when I take a look at my checklist at the end of each week I'm only doing about 50% of my goals each day. Its disappointing, but I'm optimistic that its the right first move. I recently decided I needed to get an actual diagnosis and finally find another doctor who I can easily communicate with. My first primary doctor retired about 2 and a half years ago, and I've felt very wary about the replacement doctor. She's young and extra busy working at three separate hospitals. She is nice enough, but has a rough time following up with me and its extremely hard to talk with her directly. I always end up talking to a different nurse each time. I just moved to a new state after a crazy stupid melodramatic emergency situation with my fiancée's mother, whom I suspect has BPD as well, forced us to find new house and home with 72 hour notice. (Whole story is really just madness, partially of fault on my end) The drive to my original job at my last home is over an hour away. I have struggled to get to work because of the exhausting drive and it has effected my positive outlook for this year. I thankfully found a position with the same company down the road from my new home. I start next week. But I still am struggling feeling normal. I feel excessively anxious and guilty. I stay at home and try to be productive and accountable to my personal goals I set for myself each week, but I'm not even doing that all the way right. Next week I'm going to see my current doctor. I'm going to find the courage to ask her for a referral for a psychiatrist near me. I know I can beat this, but each step seems so large. Anybody have any advice about finally getting your shit together, diagnosed and towards normalcy? 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Had a huge breakup with my boyfriend this weekend, it was messy. It always is. It was my fault - I lied about my past and he caught me. I didn't ever mean to hurt him but now I have to come to terms with it. I still have no clue why I even lied. Now I'm moving again for the 14th time in 3 years. I live a thousand miles away from my mom or any family and starting over alone (again.) is so. so. HARD. My mind won't stop racing. Anyone going through something similar?",-0.8698015873015876,1.2155016759259285,0.96671957671958,101.87166666666668,92.42592592592592,3.8264550264550254,15.121693121693122,5.288315135182226,-1.1122084656084654,383,8,94,2,14,124,76,108,0.207,0.7709999999999999,0.022,-0.9489,0,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,0,1,11,18,7,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,1,0,4,4,2,0,1,7,1,15,0,12,10,1,22,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,13,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318099242678044,0.0,0.0,0.1862360934012837,0.0,0.0,0.15220521263854545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15650008383498507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21028617138684147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928010324829757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783093842254105,0.20245792083310224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109974899211172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720201172079815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20049867497218432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23960384080418556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763707944759568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438054950055561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259943033253499,0.2621351713028484,0.0,0.23788514118438855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136614280584173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230750012808874,0.0,0.0,0.1584208829675552,0.0,0.17874286775077022,0.18712346518684936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305111883413039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012409770972059,0.0,0.2019626541255595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441326826103222 bpd,messedupchick97,2018/02/16,"seeking validation on my looks on tumblr? hey everyone. im a 21 year old woman who has been diagnosed with bpd at 19 and i have a very very bad habit of going on tumblr and randomly sending selfies of myself to people and asking if i could model and if im pretty. when theyre rude, most of them are, i then wanna kill myself and end up cutting. i dont even know how to stop. is this habit weird and creepy? is it attention seeking?",1.8313333333333333,3.5859909666666674,4.137500000000003,85.43625000000003,78.22222222222223,6.722222222222222,22.36111111111111,7.6454224807358475,1.0151111111111102,337,10,69,5,8,117,66,90,0.189,0.777,0.034,-0.9262,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,3,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,17,12,11,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,1,8,0,12,10,1,13,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,4,6,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19928092024841246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779842465722104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26847442168606056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701952661544569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635844434741786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498283194742591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888013175761239,0.0,0.0,0.140793769115212,0.0,0.0,0.20368872219242887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211468374638808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46051053010033205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358359870034718,0.0,0.11715015639666873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790052906571145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22368128117125166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778208278836338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21686589670677736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782158608656881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3517676409877443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727156070261126 bpd,cinderhellaa,2018/02/16,"Recently diagnosed and scared Im a 24 year old female, and I've finally been correctly diagnosed. for years I have been on and off medications for depression, anxiety, and bi-polar. And the end of my interview, I was told I met 9 out of 9 criteria, and that the initial prognosis for improvement isn't great. Ive been having breakdowns everyday, I can't be around people anymore because now im so panicked that im going to mess something up. Im so scared im going to end up a bpd suicide statistic. I just want to know if it gets better. And what have you guys found to help with coping? He put me on Trintellix, and I have another meeting with him in two months. I don't want to end up alone, but thats all I ever am. ",2.6067897091722583,4.072945020134232,4.933036912751677,81.81060682326623,75.30872483221476,8.993512304250556,28.52404921700224,9.516144504307137,2.6924089485458604,564,24,116,15,12,198,95,149,0.132,0.809,0.059,-0.8434,0,1,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,2,4,0,14,3,0,0,3,22,23,12,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,12,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,7,0,13,2,21,15,1,24,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,1,12,73,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202981927664125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354842253109286,0.09013480788813244,0.0,0.11684945007929234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488807294209868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182423382893914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420548767653087,0.0,0.0,0.1483948253478019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148138003264393,0.2391771503581132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130704784223971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657828204907173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907010400948532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918760538146698,0.0,0.0,0.061558020178112974,0.0,0.13392384774675573,0.0,0.0,0.1299010450395904,0.0,0.11666398706788915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897474239291996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6363490724357763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475282408198946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869498191766945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404575311715817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363615291364605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168411808912453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844536147421204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163366892454983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359241561223432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907064404902222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888000407633887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125855944310683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150966343009374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899094175747834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174919940421153 bpd,SteadyStudy,2018/02/16,"Research Study for Mothers Experiencing BPD Symptoms and their 3 yr old Children (offering free DBT Skills Training) [Pittsburgh, PA & Eugene, OR] Hi Everyone! Our lab is currently enrolling participants (mothers and their 3 yr olds) for a research study which offers the possibility of free Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills Training for enrolled mothers. My lab's study takes place in Pittsburgh, PA, but a similar study is also taking place in Eugene, Oregon. Here's a little bit of info about us and the research study: The University of Pittsburgh is currently recruiting research participants for a research study to learn more about the development and treatment of emotion dysregulation in youth. The STEADY Study is currently enrolling mothers who have a child three years of age (36 to 48 months) and their child for a five-part research study that involves interviews, questionnaires, and interactive laboratory tasks. The research study will take place in the Oakland area of Pittsburgh, PA. Compensation is provided. Am I Eligible? • Are you the biological mother of a three-year-old, or soon to be three-year-old child? • Do you feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster ride and that life is too stressful? • Do you have a history of troubled interpersonal relationships? • Do you suffer from unresolved physical/emotional trauma? • Do you have difficulty controlling your anger when confronted with conflict? What is involved? • Phone screener & full clinical intake visit • Four study visits over 1 year • Mother and child will complete a series of interviews, questionnaires, and interactive tasks • Eligible mothers may be randomized to receive Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills Training For more information, call us at: 412-624-4578, email us at: STEADY@pitt.edu, or visit our website: www.steadystudy.info (A similar study is also being conducted by Dr. Maureen Zalewski at the University of Oregon in Eugene, Oregon. For information on their study call their project coordinator at 541-346-7054 or Email: startlab@uoregon.edu)",8.756604750647305,11.849447285714293,8.099608240459307,58.69560846560847,62.465045592705174,11.439423618147025,40.4526623888326,11.20814326018867,5.867712507035911,1683,93,215,54,27,528,172,329,0.095,0.877,0.028,-0.9776,3,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,5,6,5,4,8,9,2,1,20,0,23,4,0,1,0,25,27,17,0,0,5,10,1,1,0,3,4,0,0,5,5,10,0,2,5,1,2,5,0,6,0,2,0,2,18,5,38,21,4,35,0,1,0,0,53,18,0,7,13,129,23,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637392642655102,0.0,0.22184757355690754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176750609058037,0.0,0.12893832971489486,0.0,0.2090736169795436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733874007337542,0.0,0.11482280284774465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454758974757647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782415567306396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05176411731322774,0.07313706137008717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231082715169843,0.050015486976752566,0.10260712316122708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171512918516571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297033676665729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086266539444983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208817525055852,0.0,0.0,0.11541296834934285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991294956423593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727076324648927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640731968502032,0.2309208542160863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23415056058804246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36943528174892404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26370580322990184 bpd,aGirlandherLucy,2018/02/16,"(22F) I wrote down my thoughts after ruining Valentine’s Day. My husband picked up Walgreens roses and a card on the way home and I spiraled. Maybe I’m just tired of gas station roses and hallmark cards. I’m tired of not feeling like the romance is dead when it’s rotting beneath our feet. Maybe I’m just tired of chalky chocolates that leave behind nothing but the bitter taste of loneliness. I don’t remember exactly when it started to feel like this. When even the usual things stopped making me smile. If I had to try, I would say I probably have been this way long before you came into my life. If I had to try, I would say it probably isn’t your fault at all. Some people are born into love. They arrive and it’s already waiting for them, happy to gently hold their grasping tiny hands. But then of course, some people are born into no love at all. Nothing but silence answers their increasingly desperate cries. Lastly, there are those born not knowing if the love will stay. They timidly reach out, sure that this will be the time no one reaches back. So yes, maybe it’s easier to blame the gas station roses or the cheap candy, because at least it’s tangible. I can reach out and touch the plasticky petals, inhaling the stale scent of chemicals and inevitably decay that sticks in my nose and say, ‘Yes! This is surely the problem.’ It’s easier to blame something that isn’t inside you. Sometimes it’s easier to blame something else when you’re always blaming yourself. ",4.654197292069632,6.452899255319152,4.765828497743391,83.72454545454549,70.63120567375888,7.254932301740812,28.775628626692466,7.84624498591911,1.8972425531914887,1178,45,213,15,22,367,162,282,0.17,0.649,0.18,0.9076,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,1,3,5,0,10,14,1,1,12,2,18,11,3,2,5,46,33,20,1,5,11,1,4,2,0,4,4,3,1,0,18,13,1,3,7,0,1,2,7,5,0,1,6,12,23,9,29,22,6,36,0,1,0,3,17,13,0,6,20,135,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128176996677854,0.0,0.09144891189046978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450937323867624,0.0,0.06699644341001905,0.0,0.09352018839191664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257008692883461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072435646038167,0.07087897210764386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091810669010895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725905393288025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111415045769964,0.15703084420092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116994825640551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024264850987404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060400350730925464,0.08958640877023513,0.0,0.11637244123752374,0.0,0.0,0.07762842818526328,0.10738706198950218,0.0,0.0,0.09726155989485392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975778866438329,0.0,0.0733617571051642,0.0,0.3312399466473728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21091165735432413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447377817721502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238715690553928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23699014838972846,0.10516326175553706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244997798107251,0.0,0.0,0.26220015776547706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692188996182207,0.10869784206697056,0.0,0.07779059957456409,0.11714301475851555,0.0,0.09188464474305616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716639261178402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301531783179571,0.0,0.0,0.08725148020204453,0.06408589197383874,0.37895535713749545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923517023865768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104370196346473,0.0,0.0,0.17447332038230506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614526187851582,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jewflew,2018/02/16,"Successful relationship but need advice Two years ago I broke up with my ex boyfriend. I decided to try a poly relationship for the first time and got a new boyfriend. One year of a perfect relationship. He is dominate in bed and easy going outside of bed. He allows me to have a submissive fwb for my needs. So I asked my ex to join us and his response was ""Let's give it a try"". I have been talking to my ex but I do not get attached because of my current partner. We have done it many times but first time with my ex. Is this a bad idea? Is anyone here in a poly relationship? I tried being loyal to one person but I felt like I always pushed them away and I start to feel no attachment to them. Now I get the attention and needs met. My life outside and inside the relationship is good, but I feel this could make it for the better or break it. Please help!",1.3890025252525255,3.5567478749999992,3.107424242424244,90.19919191919195,81.61363636363636,6.411111111111111,22.277777777777786,7.594959193182576,0.8778558080808083,670,22,146,11,18,222,101,176,0.084,0.6970000000000001,0.219,0.9818,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,2,5,4,8,0,0,11,0,14,1,0,2,1,29,29,13,0,4,7,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,6,9,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,2,0,5,6,3,24,6,19,20,0,19,0,1,0,0,23,4,0,1,13,96,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146629690839908,0.10401453903430866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763600668593593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204662669087544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969675328795606,0.0,0.11024448408744383,0.0,0.09797372453437396,0.07152917472161018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377740405442301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936861797850525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200792235470587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186609272832197,0.0,0.1126644860879426,0.0,0.0,0.19961812950049795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226102708265168,0.11256290513960678,0.0666868394843099,0.09841894942493462,0.09384725458999696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786503084832247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324622066426812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998776425339193,0.08288048022258569,0.05732623650540512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832514197425103,0.11896400984879155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26101763913666776,0.0,0.11332738605544472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159024796549717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245647527008914,0.0,0.12880372301382834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6298944709520411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305362352765866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943131833129377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052651184540981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389978039867225,0.0,0.1146238090668488,0.0,0.14114517732493256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112580280215754 bpd,peachkneess,2018/02/16,"FP Issue My FP is my boyfriend. We're in a long distance relationship. I was going to move in with him in California (I'm from Texas) at the beginning of this year but things happened and now I'm back in Texas after spending only a few days with him in California. Ever since I've been back in Texas things have been different. We don't talk as much and I feel like he doesn't care about me as much as he used to. I know this might be me being paranoid and I know he's busy with his job, but these feelings of not being enough or being a disappointment are eating me alive. Am I overreacting? Is this something I should talk to him about? Ps. He knows I have BPD but I don't think he knows/understands that he's my FP. He also doesn't know that I've been feeling like this, I've been too afraid to tell him.",0.7828070175438597,2.8848947953216384,2.5372222222222227,93.7925,83.50292397660819,5.671345029239768,18.85672514619883,6.937597516519254,0.040300584795321726,634,16,146,8,18,209,92,171,0.064,0.862,0.07400000000000001,0.1576,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,4,0,21,1,0,1,1,24,36,11,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,1,0,8,0,1,2,5,2,0,0,5,3,20,3,23,25,4,18,0,1,0,0,17,7,0,2,11,95,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274741799790622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451414784942972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076196044980385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252154672354033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280147249199996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654176160038625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631086270001549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470546882711162,0.0,0.0,0.14418875318188926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417961911497461,0.22775445989820564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059215562808028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409591688041582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637487204705098,0.15818245740942832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504139413727618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575209079421676,0.0,0.0,0.14106626093384814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910093969569834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694197083854795,0.23435846439273775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123283966592699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711387085758668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185945554585235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227158883442172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562435001129588,0.13932487469089747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179997295052466,0.10213873233775103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594370005054915,0.0,0.13767264314974087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265003074626744 bpd,Throwaway99999966662,2018/02/16,"Question about abuse-TW Let me start by saying that I suffer from BPD. I hope it is okay to post this here. I'm a regular but using a throwaway account. When I was between the ages of 5-8 I had an incident with some boys. They were about 3 years older than me. Basically, we were hidden behind a tree and I ended up with their penises in my mouth. The details and faces are fuzzy. I remember I felt like I was standing to the side watching the whole thing take place. Someone told me this was abuse. I'm just looking for any input. Thank you. I hope this wasn't triggering. I appreciate any thoughts.",1.1475442739079114,3.566371198347113,2.7013754427390806,91.08894628099172,84.9504132231405,5.440613931523021,22.692443919716645,6.868970318607317,0.7304162927981106,469,17,97,6,14,153,89,121,0.092,0.792,0.116,0.2054,0,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,1,1,2,0,5,6,0,0,8,1,10,3,3,2,0,16,22,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,10,4,18,5,15,11,2,12,0,1,2,1,8,4,0,4,7,65,24,0,0.0,0.2384755170074669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27374499712337697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534962172555889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826808050408588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325358256700675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998188802986994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20581521392707103,0.0,0.0983317899404921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901857452691468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102873795722653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276383590490445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547175202369305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800300090494155,0.0,0.0,0.16006031737342313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705379056901521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246202019119847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133219929931865,0.0,0.0,0.18530507778469574,0.0,0.0,0.1337167953468411,0.0,0.0,0.15978822894071096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19232491590496328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383519357873445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22471404540065693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961317192284932 bpd,secondaryreddit,2018/02/16,"Support through dark times I made throwaway to post this yesterday, but it never showed up (maybe because the account was so new?), so I'm trying again with my main (yet still anonymous) account. Apologies if this is frowned upon. I’m new to this world – please forgive my ignorance of proper terminology etc. I’ve reached a point at which I don’t know where to turn, and I’m looking for short-term advice and long-term perspective. Some background – last summer, my significant other started seeing a therapist, and was initially diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, along with bipolar 2. After months more of therapy, the diagnosis changed to borderline personality disorder (still with anxiety). A few months ago (December), her work schedule made it impossible to continue seeing the therapist. I have observed a dramatic decline since that point. Thankfully none of the more harrowing symptoms have manifested – no self-harm, no suicidal thoughts. However, she has begun to experience increasingly severe paranoia (believes people are listening to our conversations, have hacked her computer etc). She has increasingly begun to try and convey her thoughts and feelings through obtuse analogy, which I cannot understand and she will not explain. So far the damage caused by this paranoia is not catastrophic – she is suspicious of her friends, but has not yet done irreparable harm to relationships. By far the biggest obstacle is that she has come to suspect her former therapist has been ‘compromised’, and is thus deeply resistant to seeking help again (and does not believe she needs it). From my perspective, she is on a destructive path, and while my best efforts may slow the descent, I see heartache and trauma as unavoidable conclusions. What I’m looking for advice on is how I can be supportive and get her and us off of this destructive path. I can’t force her to seek help, and I’m at a loss as to how to move forward. In the last months, I have tried pushing us towards healthy habits (eating, sleeping, exercise etc.), and promoting mindfulness and positivity. I can’t think of anything beyond professional help at this point, and that is met with such resistance. I don’t know what to do. The other thing I’m looking for is perspective on the future – I don’t expect or need a ‘normal’ life, but can there ever be stability? Am I going to deal with these same issues a decade from now? Does this ‘mellow’ with age, or become more extreme? Thanks in advance for your thoughts. 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Hey everyone, I made an account to ask these questions. I am a month out of a 7 year relationship, and I have no clue what to think. I shocked... My ex is uBPD, and probably will never be diagnosed, she doesn't go that way. I wanted to post here, instead of the other board, so I can get insight, not anger. I need help for my questions. I never understand what BPD felt like, and I never knew it exsisted till after the fact.",1.8962148962148933,4.081634274725275,3.6544322344322353,86.87112332112333,79.87912087912088,7.121367521367523,25.49572649572649,8.167268648758528,1.7121711843711842,353,14,72,7,9,118,68,91,0.052000000000000005,0.852,0.096,0.5775,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,5,0,7,1,0,1,4,20,19,5,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,8,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,3,1,13,1,9,14,0,11,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,8,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909686122770334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22780997784657386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358774032984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728370360157234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367160283489474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450148399842832,0.0,0.10279734726871416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599501471822678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24247792027522294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836803614064019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171151489237927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437539101495026,0.0,0.0,0.13411902108963575,0.4185136543309335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732314811737046,0.0,0.19501747798935465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40525034566300416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941956799087313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158995573614052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766015289708837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668675032446,0.14357283266235768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647974137064752 bpd,peyospirit,2018/02/16,how do you manage having bpd and at the same time with bipolar type 2? i'm still in the process of understanding and processing myself that i have bpd. it is my recent diagnosis.,3.5124761904761925,5.518538914285713,5.142857142857146,78.9704761904762,74.14285714285714,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,2.06452380952381,142,5,27,3,3,48,31,35,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,4,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,21,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8223958072059493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32236570660560576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26073227816547473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903767120361919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33988361851032783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Molly_-_,2018/02/16,"Can BPDs recover in a sense? Hi guys I'm not asking for diagnosis or treatment advice I was just wondering if any of you feel like you have recovered (or whichever word you like to use instead) even if its just a little or if you know someone who has. Just I've seen people say 'I've recovered from BPD' like is this even possible? Or do people just learn how to manage and change behaviours? ",3.7892307692307696,5.291889974358977,5.062051282051282,81.92461538461541,72.33333333333333,8.78974358974359,27.102564102564106,9.2995712137729,2.3069333333333337,310,11,61,7,6,103,56,78,0.0,0.8959999999999999,0.104,0.7929,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,2,0,20,13,9,0,3,12,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,5,3,6,11,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,8,3,39,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277555506103929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849715397340353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178911347304291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29354639829217405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465595853570433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078841072918216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784835612242495,0.16650689515161832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307782170565485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809043876000836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341602053322368,0.2335996713289229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231659676344679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26275399448768105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534844497145947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748140043115728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012996309132708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25275696329799696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Harvey2face,2018/02/16,How do y’all deal with those insecurities and suspicions? Sorry if this has been posted before. I had a quick browse but figured it was easier to just post. At the moment I’m really struggling with this overwhelming feeling that my partner is cheating. He keeps reassuring me that he loves me and it’s all in my head (and it probably is) but I am having trouble managing these feelings. I already struggle with self-esteem problems (I have bulimia). How do you lovely people deal with it? TIA,3.8010024154589352,6.421977771739132,5.198840579710146,75.9964009661836,75.63043478260869,8.001932367149758,28.700483091787444,8.841846274778883,2.8133946859903376,393,17,65,9,9,131,69,92,0.201,0.588,0.211,0.6451,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,4,10,1,4,2,0,11,3,1,2,1,19,17,8,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,10,3,7,14,1,6,0,1,0,2,10,2,0,1,2,51,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781165794383744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679542382209879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069763392993317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996006109155498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256688950649104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754387375270254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562829097622333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683713267061925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37806734750665133,0.0,0.2128069913197272,0.18886419949205568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644547458012606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590842044013724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094864008070214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126849222178409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,81027,2018/02/16,"first experience with an fp... i think my roommate accidentally became my fp. she is my closest and practically my only friend at college, and i had noticed that i was starting to become unhealthily attached to her. and i think i have trouble distinguishing between platonic and romantic feelings bc i'd feel affection towards her but i wouldnt want to date her and yet i called it a crush. and at the same time i was unsure of her vibes bc sometimes it seemed like she liked me too, although i think i misread a lot of situations anyhow, bc i realized i was getting attached, i knew she didnt like me romantically and also she wouldnt have been able 2 give me the attention i needed. so i decided to ask her if she had feelings for me around four days ago and she said No, like i needed to hear. except that ruined me, even though i didnt want to be in a relationship. i felt so abandoned and i had my first panic attack the next day because of it. additional things in my life have been adding up and got expanded bc of the incident, and this week has truly been shit. i decided to go to the counseling center and get help. this sucks and i hate having to deal with it has anybody else had this happen with them and a roommate? want to share stories? 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Every time, I find one person to throw everything into and all of my problems seem to fade away. Then that person leaves or I get a reality check and everything goes downhill again. I hate it.",2.700576923076924,4.986743288461542,3.669846153846154,87.27515384615386,77.65384615384616,6.467692307692308,23.861538461538462,7.554174236665415,1.1479184615384619,209,7,41,3,5,67,39,52,0.17,0.83,0.0,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,12,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,0,7,4,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,5,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045390849605783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186287710761334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342412221906,0.0,0.3913147422233685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19897654945027687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374080440039325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149365888889513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305159869489816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475211510197717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801796320876784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083123187634484,0.0,0.2188515915975192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981885865119751,0.4542233057420527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844590004403334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182009411705737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269443390613673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,contouredland726,2018/02/16,"can anyone relate? i feel so alone in this Hey guys. I just recently started seeing a therapist and she told me she thinks may have bpd, as well as anxiety. I’m not asking for a diagnosis, but can anyone relate to my symptoms? I feel so alone. Thanks As far back as middle school I remember crying to my parents over how mundane life was and how every day was the same as the last. Started self harming every few months freshman year, thought every high school kid got overwhelmed like that. Sophomore year just a few months of feeling really low and not enjoying life as much. Junior year I developed horrible anxiety where I couldn’t speak on the phone and almost fainted giving an in class speech. I spent the whole second semester crying everyday after school, thinking about ending my life, and lashing out to my family and friends. Senior year was a wreck. Fine for a few months, depressed for a month, anxious the next, etc. I could be screaming at the top of my lungs, kicking shit over and ripping my hair out at noon, and by 12:15 I’d be on the couch eating chips and scrolling through twitter like nothing happened. I was extremely irritable and I would pop off at my family 24/7. I was extremely manipulative and found it easy to get people to do what I wanted. I would take 20 advil for no reason, scratched at my neck until it bruised, rub poison ivy on my face, close my eyes while driving, hitting my head on a tree, take shots on a random wednesday, etc. I also started messing with my eyebrows during this time. I was just kind of obsessed with plucking them and kicking them neat. By the time college rolled around, I was straight up ripping them out to the point where half of my brow was gone. Also around this time anxiety was worsening, as well as mood swings. Great morning, happy and peppy. By 1 pm I’d be crying for no reason, thinking about the closest drugstore so I could buy razor blades and kill myself. Next day I’d feel on top of the world. I’m even more manipulative now. When my friends don’t respond for an hour, I’ll put them on do not disturb and set reminders on my home to not talk to them for a week, then in the morning I’d wake up and forget why I ever felt like that. My sleeping is horrendous. I keep having dreams of my friends hurting me or saying they hate me, or friends dying in car accidents, or people I love being tortured because of me. If I fall asleep at 1, I’ll wake up at 4,6,7,8, 8:30, 8:45, and 9. Right now Im stuck in a hole. My course work is incredibly difficult and I’m nauseous a lot. It’s almost impossible to get out of bed, I’m napping 3 hours a day and I don’t want to hang out with my friends. If you read all of this, youre my hero ",3.7935304308183255,5.275317577570097,4.5853795304308225,85.42899247777525,72.28971962616822,7.163437428766812,28.188967403692732,7.678348718463194,1.6437093685890134,2124,81,420,26,41,684,275,535,0.185,0.6709999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.984,1,2,1,0,0,1,68.0,0,2,6,4,24,35,5,3,26,0,29,20,11,6,2,77,66,44,2,9,13,1,8,3,5,3,7,4,3,3,10,30,1,1,13,3,2,6,9,15,2,2,17,14,57,19,77,38,11,91,0,4,2,1,29,46,1,10,41,265,67,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449263395571385,0.14944820751731128,0.0,0.1153942844138613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558025186361686,0.08150728686133467,0.0,0.10089583989694552,0.0,0.0,0.12845495129027198,0.0674491231593025,0.0,0.0,0.05547775536907107,0.0,0.0439810657168361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086853026798923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520943855209526,0.0,0.2377552710945593,0.13958947243497527,0.0,0.062141411140993086,0.0,0.07487876886303292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382594380093993,0.0,0.0,0.06390217039321411,0.0,0.1609293339566443,0.04765341439248992,0.06526246333447246,0.18236470949929648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603039972927722,0.0,0.14592183011129575,0.0,0.06927388979213747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910712386595202,0.27870882258390633,0.0,0.0753892436165761,0.06921143082512543,0.0,0.0,0.05770375916584309,0.07954399363561296,0.0,0.07143837404853158,0.06380069445592908,0.0768034369158372,0.0,0.0712317226315,0.07404519229965198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622886841975406,0.07237084421388472,0.0,0.1421035101660036,0.0,0.07723647862694652,0.0,0.07793277806569246,0.0,0.0,0.06412891607628947,0.07982164330114566,0.07513157693804573,0.0,0.05881067010297185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288189168263427,0.10574436171768356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133808827790775,0.06511685258804048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303530286496991,0.0,0.053037460800636885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346153062133258,0.0,0.0,0.06922844699215885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011238885603747,0.0,0.0,0.10003739334709306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820366811469912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725291861693733,0.0,0.0,0.07216804044843954,0.0,0.04622018684058517,0.14836138160543946,0.07123795552308189,0.0,0.08173020415540844,0.06161443848139703,0.0,0.057375395780704476,0.0,0.2190544501596452,0.05749302618031549,0.0,0.07526663723154517,0.0,0.07405941490825486,0.0,0.0,0.07220062083077891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320127298859013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498993333412872,0.10849341012995596,0.0579902442520023,0.0,0.06642466010651872,0.0,0.08376998796343207,0.0,0.13868956753818226,0.0,0.057277862664624285,0.1262111397096322,0.0,0.0,0.06894099892850898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511012812248868,0.0,0.05787318763216024,0.0,0.12974036120845572,0.0,0.06510281373810799,0.08055124158142328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252497895841552,0.0,0.0,0.10250447149892422,0.0,0.0,0.1858451153790044 bpd,Bpdaddictalcoholic,2018/02/16,"Bpd, addiction, and recovery I'm a recovering addict/alcoholic and this is my second rodeo being in recovery. My question is to anyone who is also in recovery, how did you do it? I am working the steps with my sponsor but sometimes my delusions are so real, I can't even realize that I'm in a delusion untill another perspective tells me. Struggling with emotions and the feeling of needing to find an unhealthy outlet is pretty annoying. I find myself questioning everyone's motives around me, and it's almost driving me to the point of insanity. I have not been open about my bpd in a meeting yet, but I have told my sponsor. Any input helps. Thanks.",3.2512570356472783,5.977795439024392,5.1764227642276435,74.80227016885554,78.34959349593495,8.012257661038149,32.22576610381489,8.841846274778883,3.4980261413383364,521,28,83,13,13,178,83,123,0.14,0.759,0.101,-0.7351,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,7,3,1,1,7,0,13,1,0,2,0,22,19,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,3,1,16,1,14,15,0,11,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,3,2,68,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569614676181779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749686226110382,0.1639435545354991,0.0,0.0,0.13092812167634146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133631697038228,0.17167639544309765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447796456959645,0.0,0.0,0.1457469542611159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124033022227744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841647880197456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813658699933984,0.0,0.0,0.15644302561515944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278257118665057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29927719222757315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973915188315413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139750793861805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547698519567487,0.0,0.0,0.16656374819564734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668113713853671,0.0,0.0,0.18635104865341875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192487015524384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115738671566513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309991363793864,0.1507328725146326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644302561515944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919129047068515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ohhicaitlin,2018/02/16,"Anyone have this issue? So when someone says or does something or does something i don’t like, no matter how meaningless or terrible, it just resinates with me. If I get to the point where I “dislike” something or someone, there’s no going back. Basically if someone says something shitty to me, that’s it. I’ll completely forget about the good times or the feelings I have for that person, and the hate or resentment is all I will have. Please tell me I’m not just an asshole and it’s connect to this shitty illness.",5.070957142857143,6.294274010000002,5.439428571428577,81.50900000000003,68.9,7.7142857142857135,32.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,2.3631714285714285,411,18,75,5,7,131,62,100,0.277,0.6459999999999999,0.077,-0.9716,0,0,4,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,2,0,5,0,6,1,0,1,1,19,11,13,0,2,11,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,3,8,2,6,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,8,4,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450616560806088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691986913633214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18669623127507032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31164920324201184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900342747739906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303084904570018,0.0,0.1011976118408174,0.14935124709319758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580087867970634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18585207079744495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869928500890166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554782127199214,0.0,0.1954602927054648,0.16832759816538334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832065439446009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526179724738978,0.548328042279629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556353802488577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383028066911937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,annabanana2608,2018/02/16,I feel suicidal I feel suicidal as fuck. My partner ignored my messages all of yesterday even though everything was fine the day before so i messaged him today to tell him im anxious and he is avoiding my messages and I am feeling so fucking emotional and my period is due soon and I feel like I am going nowhere with my life and that I am nothing and I just feel so fucking useless and I want to self harm but I am at work and I cannot fucking concentrate i am so fucking anxious right now and I am trying to make a psych appointment but the call line is busy and I am just feeling so fucking overwhelmed right now. I dont know what to do,0.7163251879699253,3.098202225563909,2.8233035714285712,89.62638392857146,86.89473684210527,5.731015037593986,27.86137218045113,7.1686216300943375,1.6818424812030073,508,26,103,8,16,171,72,133,0.152,0.7609999999999999,0.087,-0.8541,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,12,13,6,2,3,0,14,7,0,1,1,27,30,19,2,1,4,0,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,11,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,11,0,0,1,6,22,2,8,29,1,12,0,2,0,6,10,3,6,0,9,74,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733807082009729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029581676960354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354982433071672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803201877437807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141805699448428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610353157026572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991631592998899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087428573843895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670734371793827,0.08643913292247904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6711497467093259,0.0,0.0,0.06876447017168802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069578733441464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649590368010302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546262432218114,0.0591122372977136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076536436021729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609834283017866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665880899834152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262245829950853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26469864315107755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575530655423276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887735927780922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468948492713213,0.0,0.0,0.08214792948869941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136621766341446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808608713918918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Amorene,2018/02/16,"Tomorrow I am starting therapy. I'm beyond emotional, like that's new. /s I found someone in my area that does DBT, and have my first appointment tomorrow at 9am. It's not like it's my first rodeo at therapy, not even in the single digits. It is the first time that I want to make a change for the future though, not just work through the past. I'm terrified that they will recommend hospitalization though. Suicidal thoughts are an old hat. I'm lucky that for the last 3 or so years they haven't been a multiple time a day thing, but I have been hoping for another heart attack or cancer for too long now. I want to want to live. Not just through the day... Please wish me luck. Anyone find success with DBT? ",2.5066793066088806,4.55442393661972,3.5446478873239435,89.10441495124594,77.23943661971829,7.749512459371616,23.599133261105088,8.617729084823388,1.4902821235102928,557,18,119,12,13,179,87,142,0.1,0.696,0.205,0.882,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,5,9,7,1,0,10,0,9,2,1,1,0,22,21,7,1,5,9,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,4,0,11,6,15,16,1,24,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,5,20,74,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429065071280232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288473030979116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739465321761415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565615482478692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897881384766355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287644835507639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551433823277115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718554685940964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344846290985812,0.3754753531059137,0.0,0.16133301656133225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174363339013444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614467062931166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199399289219958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377177028266142,0.0,0.12992860527551414,0.1302155621680313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982180673784254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211013933525568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440021081510158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046317333972572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151713775026585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246724818912008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414748299267236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094887563459245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365381669088589,0.0,0.09775424811840602,0.0,0.28913147549838497,0.11681388368420785,0.17159873766027614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603635369146407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692054177889976,0.0,0.0,0.10712073560582222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475427626496097 bpd,samlilly13,2018/02/17,"I cannot help my grieving girlfriend Has anyone ever experienced their ""favorite person"" losing a loved one, like their best friend, and have had a difficult time being there for them? I am constantly anxious and worried about her not loving me anymore, or leaving me, or what have you. The reason for the emotions is that she is not acting like herself and because of that I feel really out of my element in a relationship that has been really healthy for me in the past? I don't feel like I can tell her that I'm hurting either because she's grieving and I don't want it to be about me, but my BPD makes it about me and it sucks. Any advice? ",6.442466517857143,5.9627366171875025,6.936741071428576,77.89843750000001,65.640625,9.501785714285717,33.129464285714285,8.841846274778883,2.6622151785714285,509,19,98,7,7,167,79,128,0.125,0.7190000000000001,0.156,0.6219,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,3,2,5,13,1,0,6,0,15,2,0,2,1,18,23,8,2,1,6,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,3,23,7,12,19,2,8,0,4,0,2,17,3,1,2,7,79,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272036214363598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019766701471855,0.0,0.0,0.1996798580983036,0.17529084797454986,0.12358936095864873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154931982042468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549069879133032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226134119809711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100651051039505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988226166321119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598826303707468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874260972297545,0.12627192247532254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655843615302588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847338223014775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921705881928305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715522995478545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25905682737796115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977406811765897,0.0,0.0,0.31905181451343817,0.0,0.117983573902005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977197463710218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873012913587376,0.0,0.15433334453120345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264641777441688,0.18173086583437595,0.0,0.18976588868097008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544893547526236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306572347950292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425312239345888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17950060301337115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DreideI,2018/02/17,"How do you cope with the overwhelming feeling that your SO doesn’t love/care for you? I’ve recently been told that I have traits of BPD, and that I’m being referred for CBT therapy. I’m slowly coming to terms with which symptoms I have and which I don’t. How does everyone here cope with that feeling that your SO doesn’t love or care about you? It’s getting to the where every day she’ll do something, and in my head I see it as a bad thing and a sign she doesn’t care for me. ",4.392847896440131,3.997061504854372,4.9671359223300975,90.0263673139159,69.87378640776699,8.420064724919095,26.875404530744337,7.793537801064563,1.180412297734628,377,10,89,4,6,121,60,103,0.035,0.815,0.15,0.8869,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,11,3,1,2,0,15,22,10,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,3,13,3,12,18,1,6,0,1,1,1,9,2,0,1,3,60,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990242413626473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27136783288462824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393573347521879,0.0,0.0,0.18560210940048408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895567041186468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855293360956424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153668773083198,0.20588392286038176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788891429781826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125704113553187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112697664001468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388927148243076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274350484614749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716959421982368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587377711331155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22394833103418224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464004704264357,0.0,0.14314389921236426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588392286038176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dzejvi,2018/02/17,"That incredible feeling of accomplishment after realizing that you didn't do anything self-destructive during an anger outburst It feels so good, try it? (not sarcasm, I'm really proud of myself, this is the first time I managed not to harm myself in any way)",7.347801418439715,8.457217680851066,7.84340425531915,66.73333333333335,63.680851063829785,10.521985815602838,34.815602836879435,10.504223727775694,3.990636879432625,209,9,33,5,3,69,41,47,0.104,0.684,0.212,0.7081,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,1,4,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,2,4,2,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,23,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663419127069934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223024237280939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960696554120916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331453983018429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285054337365384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250907125562647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40858631021263975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283798230684416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26591111338987483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31088110668211066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gutterqueen94,2018/02/17,"So, I guess I have BPD. This all started about three months ago. I was feeling out of control and went to the hospital, where I spoke to one of the very few psychiatrists my province has. As beds in the mental health ward are few and far between, and I wasn't a danger to myself (never have been, really) she sent me home with a few reccomendations, including starting DBT. I remembered that DBT is associated with BPD, and she said something along the lines of ""let's not get into that now."" I see a social worker a couple of times a month at my community mental health center, and when I asked her about BPD afterwards, I got a similar response. I've been seeing my family doctor more regularly as I was also recently diagnosed with ADHD and have been trying to get my medications sorted for that. He has never said anything about me having BPD However, I had my GP fill out a form about my various disabilities for the university I'm starting at in the fall, and when I received this form back, he had written that I had anxiety, ADHD, and borderline personality disorder. I guess what I'm asking is....What can I do? I'm sick of hurting the people around me. I want to start making myself better, but it seems like seeing a psychiatrist and starting DBT is not going to happen. Even my time with the social worker is ending, we are only supposed to have 10 sessions but I'm having session #13 with her soon. I tried Googling for DBT in my province and got no results. It's a small place so I guess they don't see a need for it. I'm feeling pretty lost right now. I hate that I can't find a way to work on getting better and changing my thinking patterns. Can anyone recommend any books or other resources for a newly diagnosed? ❤",4.9185032704886495,5.884650353982303,6.3441015775298215,75.83053482108504,69.0589970501475,8.963498781582661,29.488392971655763,9.20300075937882,2.5652823137104006,1366,50,251,26,23,465,180,339,0.056,0.871,0.07200000000000001,0.6121,1,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,1,0,1,7,16,7,2,0,20,0,28,7,0,3,3,45,69,21,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,7,3,2,1,12,22,0,1,6,1,0,6,8,4,0,2,18,9,40,3,41,50,8,44,0,2,4,0,18,16,0,6,22,181,52,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202155391686716,0.0,0.07455388244677649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725862494114164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05719418784568218,0.0,0.06433998653297263,0.0,0.0,0.05880807258539555,0.0,0.06921113233163033,0.07487115531371334,0.15725337871709918,0.0,0.0,0.0646714446889285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876782523552914,0.0,0.0,0.4237085001075371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897178836681559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433075036790466,0.0,0.0930604262094376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707293219300455,0.0,0.0,0.09639145432264196,0.08608488648347565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449194096975284,0.0,0.0,0.05555046581499976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928657543532559,0.0,0.08505188703264491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687031696380618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318239517691718,0.0,0.04779872927207208,0.0,0.13453267690486082,0.0,0.2779529510477806,0.0,0.07437364859433629,0.0,0.0,0.08303613546752052,0.0,0.17879906328998374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843640305476129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003599050214814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600291607549468,0.0,0.041089385553401914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181038821285403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056140646121108896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472679663990032,0.16951583135037554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426339126502787,0.0,0.0,0.06236268687499386,0.12973370352147268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699162875768519,0.06396553478500071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058307719081564575,0.07343711835013526,0.08787167630619191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556487731776684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387972597102023,0.0,0.08304340126442432,0.0,0.0952744093968529,0.07182508960177811,0.1600059604687777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680827324670219,0.0765659044036812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146862329394594,0.0,0.06474802905041947,0.0,0.0,0.29764925859150826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053890997309390905,0.0,0.0,0.09808443866744926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420335624161534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939531642029716,0.04960722461393725,0.066758521903426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796604642256316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06122933865832034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catcatchdog,2018/02/17,"Is this a BPD sign? I have CPTSD which I know is a lot of overlap but this is about someone else. Someone I knew told me they were in DBT for Bipolar II, but a therapist I talked to said lots of people are misdiagnosed and when I told them about our platonic relationship exploding they said it sounds like BPD. The biggest thing that points out to me is, they told me how they were sexually assaulted, in relationships with abusive addicts, and an alchoholic and heroin user themselves. I was crying a lot for what they were going through. There was this incident I was really creeped out by. When I went over to their house because I thought they were suicidal (they were), she denied it at first but then started crying about how she looked up stuff online about how to do it. She has suicidal ideation issues (as do I). She apologized and wiped her eyes and I said it was fine, at least she's honest with her emotions. I took a deep breath and said ""Cause I really feel bad about what happened to you"" and tears started to well up in my eyes and my voice broke. She immediately got cold, her teary eyes went away and she said (I felt, judgementally) ""youre really empathetic huh"". I just put my head back and said yeah, and she changed the topic onto other things. They're also a person who is very deadpan. When I asked to borrow a book she held it to her chest and had such an exaggerated expression of mock-grief on her face, to the point where I took a step back because her face was so distorted. Then it went away as quickly as it came and she gave it to me. Again I was very weirded out because they told me they weren't BPD but Bipolar. ",4.460903217122088,5.6481735665634725,4.901817202853682,84.93195315654867,70.30030959752322,8.218010499394266,27.356171759321576,8.587818076936951,1.7648342710997431,1294,43,266,21,23,411,167,323,0.161,0.7759999999999999,0.063,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,2,11,1,22,8,1,0,13,2,23,11,8,4,0,38,53,30,2,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,20,19,0,1,5,1,1,9,1,4,1,1,35,15,56,4,42,18,4,42,0,1,4,0,49,21,0,3,13,195,76,1,0.0,0.09794275480991192,0.0,0.09011543917472996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610598765134143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727923311472197,0.0,0.15533019765939093,0.12712628983247695,0.06902058694056827,0.15117274492084432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31233543170547245,0.0,0.0,0.09454504588629044,0.0,0.0849182064904309,0.08744704412618402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160399185398265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905476440719294,0.09298533460016108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04179715983506602,0.0,0.07936994325880739,0.0,0.0,0.07031354849263091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697958380467263,0.0,0.06611356897317858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309907836898083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483662068125833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953826042899033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627923897092228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045429709147865205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04038522072628456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941653806202712,0.0,0.0,0.21083270771264595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730847695677507,0.07217859780886769,0.0,0.0,0.15628749257618868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309967013753586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886910427390605,0.0,0.0,0.17749937058063042,0.0,0.0,0.4717916277420034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400810656993645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701933085964865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462995414614092,0.18084094966268133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644180671327342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597871884196138,0.10983594009956804,0.0,0.0,0.06562560184389958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159541460472345,0.18368442620244527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136412123630407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432443261372239,0.2298897356232387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,[deleted],2018/02/17,"I am so incredibly lonely When I'm awake there's this dull ache in my chest that sometimes leaves me gasping for breath. I just woke up from a dream where I meet this great guy and I've been crying, desperate to fall back asleep. It hurts so much. For a while, I was able to ignore it by telling myself I'm better off without anyone--romantic or platonic. But now, especially since Valentine's Day just passed, it feels like I'm going to die. Either from sheer loneliness or by my hand. I haven't felt this type of loneliness in about a year. I thought I tricked myself out of it. I don't know what to do.",2.2866862170088,4.145558870967744,3.366041055718476,91.00769794721407,77.2258064516129,6.767155425219943,22.56304985337244,7.686295010490155,0.8239129032258066,476,14,104,7,11,153,87,124,0.23,0.655,0.115,-0.9249,0,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,1,0,3,0,6,4,4,0,0,14,15,8,1,0,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,5,0,0,5,3,13,3,19,10,2,15,0,3,0,0,3,6,0,2,7,66,22,1,0.2423302997847472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633704237775792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143214573966785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661884553592988,0.15628299587565178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515005921563285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252948078198266,0.1731208145861068,0.2326750902590779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772189387162184,0.0,0.0,0.26717001101379456,0.0,0.23994509590235866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594195979140443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317839527685738,0.0,0.0,0.2565927977389798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839034389858068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814065322344766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004581281541644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396708628568359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21180736315219312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923831894719321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23359776141558236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605276795040918 bpd,UnknownDestinations,2018/02/17,"Unsure if I'm bipolar/borderline/neither... I know no one can make a diagnosis except a doctor, but I was just wondering what others experiences are I have been on mood stabilizers for about 2 months now. They have really seemed to help me, and I have been practicing meditation/DBT/mindfulness(which goes along with the DBT). I was diagnosed as bipolar in December when I was baker acted in late November because I was contemplating suicide. Okay, I've been missing my medications, and I've been contemplating going out and doing drugs and having sex; I'm also extremely irritable, and I just want to push people out of my life. I can't stop thinking about these two guys I have a crush on, and I almost want them to stop talking to me by messaging them to delete me from their phones/ off their messaging apps etc. I've done this kind of stuff all my life; well since I was a teenager (I'm 25 now)... I'd just randomly push people away(mostly guys I'd have a crush on)... It's like I was upset with myself for thinking about them so much, and I figured the only way to make it stop was to push them away, but I'd almost regret it afterwards. When it came to female friends I'd just disappear on them for months at a time. Also, I'd have impulse control issues during these phases, but it would only come on randomly like spending money, overeating, sex, drugs, drinking, etc. It's weird because in daily life most people would never guess I have these issues since I'm really nice, and I try to keep these problems to myself and my mom and my therapist. Right now though I'm feeling all the urges associated with my manic episodes, and I'm not sure what to do. I started taking my medicine tonight, so I'm hoping it will help. I'm on Lamictal and Trileptal if anyone is interested... Does this sound familiar to anyone else? I know all experiences are different, but I've asked other friends and family members before if they ever have these type of experiences and they just look at me like I'm crazy. ",6.012962003454227,6.579684005181347,6.7928626943005215,75.00730785837655,66.46113989637306,9.956649395509501,31.368307426597585,9.928628108626363,3.0273198618307418,1590,59,292,34,24,527,188,386,0.103,0.769,0.128,0.8793,1,0,3,0,0,1,57.0,0,0,10,1,23,18,0,1,9,1,31,12,0,3,6,70,62,29,1,10,14,1,1,3,2,3,9,1,0,2,19,22,1,5,8,1,2,8,4,5,1,2,13,3,41,12,45,46,7,43,0,2,1,2,22,17,0,12,20,195,60,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382819558066288,0.0,0.0,0.1468083355074246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283629461383869,0.09404936644491464,0.0,0.0,0.08581095287994206,0.0,0.17247883726272192,0.0,0.0,0.11190826451289587,0.0,0.07810625047518091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498293203216162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906867504982495,0.0,0.0,0.10294992248798863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316458519927848,0.0,0.09590067108901164,0.0,0.09395061903246026,0.08032576076544834,0.0939327034284068,0.0,0.08991893413396031,0.21289375708793945,0.0,0.07667849299027625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047394961760815,0.0,0.08302901362848902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693637376194257,0.08653113394698578,0.0,0.046411616272095065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183294620738576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05216618604635278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111667246743626,0.18177241340320524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304936496216068,0.0,0.0,0.09116785565708647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160914029413784,0.0,0.08158687819658147,0.0,0.09558481869659716,0.10089040674743137,0.0,0.10354274840021302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450128020775592,0.13453139219088892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708020688930131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12254063800090907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246843805136444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750295479203556,0.146531281366888,0.0,0.06747597057542372,0.0,0.07079385391044032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062199057467311476,0.1396203639287311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909062040687707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783031989887387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760562893344476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838787859056172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835618702579904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185873086441054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496920247340493,0.0,0.0,0.2302208282680645,0.0,0.0,0.10507721426545358,0.10040300339957736,0.0,0.0865106798307854,0.0,0.06901441018334327,0.07377706164173595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065748841968744,0.0,0.11763023137553436,0.09018288696621957,0.0,0.05352329605515083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062319162240772163,0.0,0.08966517224931178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827985378958084,0.07285836939243531,0.0,0.0,0.08252993886956105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954198409437487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040949921621653,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MyOwnGuitarHero,2018/02/17,"BPD and addiction - does anyone else self-medicate? **First, my backstory:** I was addicted to benzodiazepines, and I was bordering on alcoholism. I’ve been clean from the benzos for 7 seven years now, and my drinking is under control - every month or so I’ll go out to a bar for karaoke with my best friend, but aside from that, I only have one glass of wine a week (it’s my Saturday night “treat”). **What I’m wondering:** Does anyone else have experience with using any drugs (either prescribed or illicit) or alcohol to self-medicate? As far as I know, it’s not a diagnostic criteria for BPD, but I’ve noticed *anecdotally* that some of my BPD friends have also struggled with abuse or addiction. How are you all coping? Do you still use, or are you clean? **I thought that maybe we all could share some tips and tricks for overcoming the urge to abuse, or just share our stories.**",1.2967132867132882,3.947248454545456,2.7613636363636402,86.56819930069929,94.75757575757576,6.902097902097903,22.70979020979021,7.882392219407189,1.842986013986014,685,27,130,18,26,222,106,165,0.094,0.787,0.119,0.3313,0,0,5,0,2,0,41.0,2,3,0,3,6,8,1,1,5,0,11,9,0,4,2,32,18,17,0,1,11,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,2,0,6,9,5,1,3,3,0,1,1,2,0,3,4,0,15,6,20,13,6,13,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,9,8,85,21,0,0.0,0.2637861761636406,0.0,0.3640576655110096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379292036214448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902060054320357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569974786221076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556716314947416,0.2281159595658164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682089576305628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206016533326493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248520922750128,0.08887800171600928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482946762428968,0.0,0.0,0.1090488150981739,0.12909301125417916,0.0,0.18598304983566835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378983277479186,0.0,0.0,0.10888991920230803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468664693659798,0.0,0.0,0.17200731831136146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326432615483138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117721154361976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118334360784219,0.0,0.2472973955700788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885260241225071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446397515409264,0.0,0.0,0.12673576282527813,0.0,0.0,0.07543164943357421,0.08466200915661015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23225695384319225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889833525632593,0.0,0.0,0.11637326769644685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837369646400799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922852357014277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929222005289461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071912909734095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168484931075425 bpd,Halexander_Amilton,2018/02/17,"I Am Crashing I’m going through a divorce and I am coming to terms and accepting the fact that my husband basically raped me throughout our marriage. I’m not doing well. I had a panic attack the other day that landed me in the emergency room. I’m feeling all kinds of anger and hate bubble up to the service. All of these emotions that I thought I had under control. I’m so frustrated because I thought I had gotten past this. ",3.481428571428573,5.282000470588237,4.971596638655463,81.04647058823531,73.70588235294117,6.739495798319329,32.14285714285714,7.447530270364453,2.313168067226892,340,17,61,4,7,114,56,85,0.29100000000000004,0.665,0.044,-0.9752,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,2,9,5,1,6,0,6,1,0,1,3,13,17,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,6,1,0,6,1,11,3,8,11,3,10,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30846224962921576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652851542780385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335641288166774,0.0,0.0,0.30410790294006285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748636381812581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049973469033075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709713378572427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409578812250596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676957930132869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823518276093865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181257687105764,0.0,0.0,0.2588349484622076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305116400858226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437884947637723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,terrancelovesme,2018/02/17,Is anyone else inconsolable sometimes? When I feel like my emotions are too much I try to talk to my bestfriend about it. She tries her best to calm me down and console me but I just can’t see past anything. All I can say is “it’s ok” even though I feel like dying on the inside. I feel so bad for even bringing my feelings up. I try to avoid talking about how I genuinely feel about a situation bc I’m afraid of being invalidated. I’m afraid that I’m overreacting (sometimes I am) and that I’m genuinely crazy. I feel like being friends with me is an emotional burden. The amount of guilt I feel when I’m inconsolable is insane. It’s like I’m being fake by saying “it’s ok”. ,1.0673809523809543,3.2885662142857166,3.0528571428571425,89.79880952380955,83.28571428571429,6.019047619047619,22.190476190476193,7.3011,0.7961047619047625,530,18,114,8,15,178,80,140,0.17,0.653,0.177,-0.4473,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,12,16,0,4,4,2,11,0,0,1,1,15,26,8,1,0,2,0,7,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,10,19,9,15,23,4,7,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,7,70,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731856191359876,0.14260733905930562,0.11453406940255255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621028629157168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606182858054118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444786050751188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162678310525948,0.31311968888664843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18385542015158168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926185197980189,0.2982927124967193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753086285500747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719871430007403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231401845584133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328639730121522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136456814492544,0.0,0.0,0.11090920366278792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644522818371312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753070525109545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373676383040048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674458452063398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834842030998778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Boo_X,2018/02/17,"Help with splitting I feel like I'm going ""all black"" within my new relationship (one month). My version of ""all black"" is not rage, but as if I'd never cared. Things had been as good as I think they can be, for me. But the other day I caught him in a lie, and he admitted that and one other related lie. One of the lies was really hurtful to me. He wasn't defensive or manipulative or anything; he repeatedly apologised and repeatedly acknowledged what a stupid mistake he'd made and repeatedly promised that was the only dishonesty between us and that he'd never hurt me like that again. While in that moment I was furious and heartbroken, now I'm alone and the split has taken over. I feel no emotional connection. When I try to recall memories of being together I can barely think of anything and it feels like... more like trying to remember a movie I watched once a long time ago. I'm just empty. He dropped me home the morning after and tried to kiss me goodbye and I just automatically pulled back. Like there was nothing there, like ""why would I kiss this person?"". He's more like a stranger than a person I love. I don't know if I'll come out of this or not and how I feel now is like I could easily never talk to him again. I don't know what to do or if I should do anything, because obviously my ""emotional brain"" just wants me to be alone. I don't know how to handle of this, and there's no-one I can talk to who would understand splitting, or how destructive and hurtful dishonesty is to me. I've been on waitlists for a psychologist for years so I'm just getting by on meds and the occasional hospitalisation when I need it. Does anyone else split like this?",4.156425702811244,5.367235746987955,5.479096385542171,80.41886546184742,71.04819277108433,9.027309236947794,27.98995983935743,9.408791572840183,2.3344694779116466,1316,47,267,29,24,441,160,332,0.141,0.69,0.17,0.6856,0,2,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,1,0,18,24,5,0,13,0,29,4,1,5,6,65,54,34,0,10,16,0,4,9,0,3,0,0,1,2,17,17,0,1,13,0,0,4,10,9,0,3,11,7,35,15,34,34,5,35,0,3,3,3,20,7,0,8,32,182,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560435941588204,0.0,0.0,0.2000368509809716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675246843884942,0.09894839557957974,0.23840909902687005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425713341015602,0.0,0.05886878159956496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780516724325263,0.0,0.0,0.09846056449688573,0.0,0.0,0.083187360346183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710408065141007,0.0,0.0,0.06228030200753245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450992762514277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067267376321742,0.21725874028703648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953167847895582,0.2069710122166762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045435854140418,0.0,0.054883521366576635,0.08099916798291677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472950164541114,0.0,0.09686858089417402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31014373920016075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921867824930994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4246173870880585,0.0,0.0,0.0854622907732877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715909246348713,0.09137780950666624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726860395582244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708204606548691,0.0,0.0,0.07160616840039437,0.2234445119447796,0.09326886777196386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266247327195587,0.0,0.0,0.10284495686798753,0.19631701442318425,0.07344659258856695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16864413407845155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061865851594585526,0.0,0.0,0.10368110686462706,0.10939611080571866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524021385728864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415747732393816,0.12375758717185086,0.0,0.0,0.05631132320162895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669609750746034,0.0,0.0,0.10053381050743074,0.11616301530266393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569600743262095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714030142290831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720252675321248,0.0,0.0,0.06218855392813113 bpd,gertrude420,2018/02/17,"I cannot cry. Ever. Last time I really cried when someone closed to me died, was when I was 6. My most favorite person abandoned me, my grandfather. It was kind of early trauma that triggered my BPD. I am 21 now. I am diagnosed with BPD,I cannot cry. I really need to cry, there is no movie or song that can make me cry. Even LSD cannot make me cry anymore. I have high levels of empathy with others, I don't lack emotions like people with anti-social disorder. I just don't know what can trigger me to cry. My childhood friend died, I am very striken by that. But I cannot cry. I am sometimes ashame that in particular situations I cannot cry. Do you experience that ? How do you induce that cryin?",0.8906381118881121,3.174599930069931,2.9963243006992997,89.49910183566435,84.66433566433567,6.092482517482518,20.825611888111887,7.413659706084162,0.7493499999999997,542,17,115,9,16,183,81,143,0.15,0.6609999999999999,0.189,0.6225,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,1,0,0,20,1,0,6,1,19,24,5,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,3,1,24,3,10,21,2,12,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,9,76,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752366325975433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223041480198249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8724799909609248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957534825010237,0.18318620173318528,0.0,0.10114604792751768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927320192471607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829054159628014,0.0798302573314307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863287644892061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818436170079685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324456772103434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190234039958883,0.04850176330504198,0.0719383040154758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04311615578063136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178196661343174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543878147572721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611837988150662,0.07705946906287929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307478206823185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920052477608524,0.0,0.0,0.07477682357545842,0.0,0.08728487407609899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051461270110078235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281830168365748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bleepbloopbroke,2018/02/17,"Does anyone else always feel like they have to apologize for having feelings? So I've had depression and BPD for a really long time. I started going to therapy a few months ago and have been working really hard on dealing with my emotions better. Honestly, it's been working, I still get really upset a lot of the time but I'm usually able to deal with it in a way that doesn't hurt myself or others. Usually. It seems like people don't notice how much effort I'm putting in to be better. I control myself during so many breakdowns and then the ONE time I can't, people get mad at me for being upset. They tell me it's my fault for overreacting and sometimes they're right, but sometimes I really do feel like I have a reason to be upset with them. This makes me feel like every problem in every relationship I have (friends, not just romantic relationships) is always ""my fault"". Is it? Am I overreacting to everything or do I have a right to be upset sometimes? I feel so alone because I feel like I can't say anything to anyone anymore without something like this happening which is super hard considering one of my coping mechanisms used to be telling people I was going to hurt or kill myself whenever I got upset. Somehow not being able to talk to people at all makes it even harder to not threaten to harm myself. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to react, I don't know if I'm right or wrong, I don't know who to be, I just don't know. Sorry for the rant",4.8293248272195655,5.330874090909095,6.279379762537657,77.88409888357258,69.03367003367003,8.946234272550061,28.42619174198121,8.99025400887824,2.2568491582491585,1163,38,222,20,19,397,136,297,0.155,0.687,0.158,-0.4441,0,1,1,0,0,3,27.0,0,0,3,7,10,26,2,5,9,0,33,0,0,8,1,44,58,17,1,2,13,0,8,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,1,13,0,0,3,13,15,0,2,5,9,33,11,34,46,4,24,0,3,0,0,14,9,0,8,17,153,46,2,0.1648394809012667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306012698691139,0.0,0.0,0.0853619946136774,0.0,0.0,0.1371596531253487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173823568211268,0.11525959775499985,0.08444876400598378,0.06782442377386172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050242308786332894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578712531884178,0.0,0.0,0.10380477785777903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924407472081655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994226673188878,0.07098800167930176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212607028517888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885111727640407,0.0927111146131794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443746124855825,0.0,0.138884372127832,0.0,0.07407354826148596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500433832477152,0.2355227161847012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367728702115333,0.0,0.08612182527223612,0.0,0.09368207572351794,0.0,0.06591859562495013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288350428512222,0.0,0.14766379711381594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646407359604135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911852313081508,0.0,0.2264786694462161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24159673201369306,0.0,0.0,0.07293887670083223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700703159733184,0.0,0.0,0.11003163350114208,0.08356068052715239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578665049750493,0.0,0.06058799256809641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383542077740764,0.0,0.0,0.11169949833799496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855788166135696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788645605821741,0.0,0.08285460363794983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21120078484298588,0.08474122017163895,0.0,0.17697591303434987,0.0,0.21115802403308995,0.0,0.06554348569249697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503183623728951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345074286309564,0.24454569231894815,0.09226215163094728,0.0583371165030343,0.0,0.06582051118979479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624586536993904,0.14407697190193125,0.0,0.09425415615690408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441788403762789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118419299768347,0.1815473998662973,0.0,0.0,0.06542095364657557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944968863911381,0.0,0.12000510532486446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011304771515244,0.0,0.0 bpd,coppersmama,2018/02/17,"Dealing with my therapist closing her practice, overwhelmed. I just started seeing my therapist in September last year during a stressful time in my life that lead to the diagnosis of BPD. My close friend recommended her and from the start I was learning so much with every visit. I have been to therapy before when i was very young, and again at age 15. So I have had some experience in therapy, but she and i really connect and i have come to consider her a friend that i pay to talk to. She has even admitted that she knows she goes about therapy a little differently. I can feel that she has always really cared about me and its been so comforting having that adult female caring role in my life that i dont have anywhere else. I am so sad that the relationship is going to be over. I know i can give her updates and stuff, but its not like were are gonna be hanging out seeing each other everyweek. Its hard not to be mad at her, for her to expect me to be okay with it. And i feel like she should try to see me, but i know thats unreasonable. I just cant accept that she is going to be out of my life. Sigh. I just needed to vent. I dont expect to feel better, i know time will make it easier but it just feels so depressing and like i am not good enough for her anymore. Im just really sad. Obviously i am attatched to her. I have 2 more sessions and then her practice is closed. Any advice or tips for how to get moving on? ",3.217111386906609,4.433438692832767,4.907845175302511,83.59690893577414,73.3344709897611,8.330685696556003,24.580980452994105,8.841846274778883,1.6427897610921498,1119,33,235,22,22,380,149,293,0.112,0.765,0.123,0.3432,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,16,19,1,2,6,1,33,3,0,3,1,52,57,22,0,4,13,0,5,3,2,3,3,0,0,1,17,19,0,0,11,0,1,7,6,6,1,0,6,8,47,12,36,43,5,33,0,4,3,0,26,14,0,2,15,176,64,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463972072674507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891011680066236,0.0,0.0,0.07281973099365617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619700624965986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111926917074276,0.0,0.0,0.09470571593211577,0.0,0.0,0.13486658417462655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835536784231746,0.0,0.0,0.09224204005450698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103972933328018,0.09222994838433272,0.0,0.0,0.11187835812693683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25099964358600985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945363783155935,0.0,0.0,0.1106447851267468,0.0,0.07072694148809322,0.0,0.09022157385559464,0.0,0.0,0.10474717351326007,0.0,0.0,0.21657639587193148,0.07649971630130585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546325452989075,0.0,0.05594615506650353,0.10272323359577186,0.12171483636841815,0.08981566990909784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592483281588678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566741029002653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353988335949148,0.08728648043956264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269064818434241,0.15694521324963112,0.10732473612260017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147835999314446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138116867887623,0.0787179142259922,0.07940027218380202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579925857891895,0.0,0.0,0.11496646572872506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559925212370152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515870039072941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266257285616372,0.0,0.12258377418089085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860688088016204,0.0,0.0,0.3673743062932887,0.2486619316865433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488126341961232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727019474647103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835422731380194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895758031627157 bpd,nebraskasurplus,2018/02/17,"Going mad.... Madness is calling me ... It wants me to let it all go ... Every plan .. goal.. inhibition and precaution.. every promise I made .. every mistake ... It wants me to embrace it to embrace the reality of not knowing what's real .. the reality of temporary ... It wants me to forget .. to stare into the abyss ... to become one with today ... It feels like the only way to survive is to let it all go ... To go mad ... It's getting hard to fight it. . it's getting hard to hold on to sanity ",0.023256955810147417,2.375709999999998,3.4236170212765984,83.39576923076925,92.61702127659576,5.445499181669395,23.188216039279872,7.010146845296331,1.273239934533552,356,15,68,6,13,129,51,94,0.155,0.765,0.08,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,1,0,42.0,0,0,0,3,0,7,4,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,2,16,16,1,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,5,0,1,1,4,5,2,17,13,2,8,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,46,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967847369688678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194070860416325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503705461963942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009266994370864,0.12729113278986126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618237551636266,0.0,0.4050529896776644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192268212791751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792253368525647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644002550683943,0.0,0.08704927262652197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859730393234035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207387202884694,0.13551317940649513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280674155605108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889288406621455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152838204931161,0.14143021841400685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pugflower,2018/02/17,"I promised boyfriend I will not have male friends. It's been one year with no male friends and now I'm pushing boyfriend away I had many male friends before and I left them because my boyfriend was nice enough to give me a last chance. I have a hard time keeping girlfriends, and men were so easy. I got the attention and sex I needed to avoid splitting on boyfriend. It's been one year and now I'm pushing my boyfriend away because of this. Should I ask him to open the relationship up?",2.798888888888889,4.973388453608251,2.1164261168384897,99.08524627720509,76.83505154639175,5.135853379152349,29.33447880870561,5.82211442006289,0.8336423825887747,388,18,86,2,9,111,60,97,0.138,0.7490000000000001,0.113,-0.108,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,13,16,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,6,1,13,5,9,8,1,14,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,0,6,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841674628053814,0.0,0.3787150734098042,0.0,0.0,0.24571911129948865,0.0,0.17149938422541686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082491737442889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671379586677116,0.0,0.0,0.193339690579686,0.0,0.0,0.16119341573211296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18054413637826747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914186491430606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428553238874558,0.0,0.0,0.21897850915468264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433432155786685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944257027935887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731433141432085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21638318940094844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752212222874332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595758870663229 bpd,LettuceWouldntFit,2018/02/17,"I’m tired. I hate this shit. I don’t want to do it anymore. I am just so drained. I’m a coward who is stuck in pain because I can’t find the strength to kill myself. I hate this. I just want it to stop. ",-3.086428571428573,-1.496087499999998,-0.13238095238095227,108.225,101.08333333333331,2.7428571428571438,15.190476190476188,3.1291,-1.6451523809523807,152,4,44,0,7,52,31,48,0.522,0.385,0.093,-0.9814,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,4,0,2,0,5,3,1,0,0,6,12,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,4,11,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,26,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760033999313592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965191295979612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543653803737047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5495363884840814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079028272943821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961357371571385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28567569264377823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267512361648102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198702199323238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32830255049290924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,howtosmize,2018/02/17,"How to support my partner through his BPD ex's smear campaign? I don't really know where to ask for help but I need it. It's been two years since my partner broke up with his ex (who has BPD) and as of two weeks ago she has officially ""outed"" him online as a rapist, said that he found out who her therapist was, started seeing said therapist and turned the therapist against her, then manipulated me into hating her so she didn't feel comfortable contacting me about his impending abuse. Oh, did I mention he moved across the country six months ago and has gone no contact with her for a year? He is a touring musician who relies greatly on a cross-country network of people to help him with his career so currently it feels like his life and career are ruined. How do you defend yourself when the vast majority of accusations like these are truthful but this one isn't? How do you say, ""but really this didn't happen"" without sounding like you're denying a true allegation? It's impossible. Their mutual friends support him and know that his ex is unstable, manipulative and lies constantly but are all walking around eggshells with her and haven't said anything. It's been two weeks and he's been silent because he doesn't know what to do besides just watch people unfriend/unfollow him constantly. Ugh. Just any support or advice would be appreciated, I don't even know what I'm looking for.",6.819659090909092,7.373122102272728,6.935909090909089,74.72386363636366,64.71969696969697,10.084848484848486,35.06060606060606,9.978442167317967,3.4748606060606075,1121,49,202,23,16,360,150,264,0.17600000000000002,0.693,0.131,-0.9494,1,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,2,1,0,12,16,2,0,8,0,25,2,0,5,3,41,48,22,0,2,8,3,2,3,3,1,1,5,0,2,15,16,0,0,7,0,0,3,9,5,0,5,12,10,28,11,27,34,2,25,0,2,3,1,44,9,0,1,16,134,43,2,0.0,0.12318382669616824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015952934656453,0.18432084398832865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707010864422055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555593556017135,0.0925526215731074,0.09719505723207723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337728348787389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26188545043446904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22470266097537192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866918533904108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513762051123683,0.0742740048777989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399438675365192,0.0803246022877068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462392173166595,0.0,0.0,0.09193762436976988,0.0,0.0,0.1026458319043875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13937370077454894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285500516863801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343492653342465,0.15237899038131866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873060474057173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298542202806214,0.1105004069087607,0.0,0.07709017090011877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045069128616675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441551752830686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332077718679252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29668911305010875,0.08267868602899008,0.0,0.0,0.08284819295342291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600252964331702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358833739510934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539413646763889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36214090234529295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113086179162865,0.30468178907262844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679202102673346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022042301674942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385513337475977,0.0,0.0,0.13390260524886508 bpd,lie-to-my-fckingface,2018/02/18,"Is there any in between? I haven't been able to get an appointment with a psychiatrist for another month which I honestly can't hold out for. That's just way too long of a wait with the state that I'm in currently. But I genuinely don't feel like I need to be in the ER and put in an inpatient program. I guess my question is, is there any in between? Like is there any way I can just go somewhere to get help now without being admitted anywhere? I just feel as though I desperately need some professional help right now. ",4.4926549865229095,5.154549801886791,5.566657681940705,82.12349056603773,69.84905660377359,9.830727762803237,31.18059299191375,9.957137785484203,2.8477347708894865,413,17,88,10,7,137,67,106,0.059,0.828,0.113,0.7531,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,6,0,11,0,0,0,0,19,22,4,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,2,9,3,18,19,1,17,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,7,60,12,2,0.20326305899522373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4146775509121343,0.2131390401890904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555181999910924,0.14521116996006742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239311790325305,0.0,0.11551908062601834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22391717556313734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724858876862058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19860812682274984,0.0,0.0,0.17988141089532733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224263444728854,0.0,0.0,0.3014339654161796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433551592380755,0.2277011450110349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358554177143534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997049234398877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226815102275781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959383354122204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway254411,2018/02/18,"My FP isn't texting me and I'm panicking It's my first time posting here so I'm sorry if this isn't allowed, I just don't have anyone to talk to that would understand. I had a shitty day and I feel like crying and I need my FP (which is my boyfriend) but he hasn't texted me since 7:40 am and it's now 11 pm. I replied to his message this morning but the app says he hasn't received it yet which is weird. That could either mean that his phone is turned off (WHY?) or that he has no Internet connection at the moment which, again, is weird. So I'm panicking. I want to send him 100 messages but I won't, I'll just keep checking his chat. Needless to say, I won't sleep until I get a reply from him. And yes I know I'm obsessive, but in my defense I'm extremely anxiuos.",0.2765336134453769,2.134714678571431,2.5224509803921578,94.57941176470592,83.76190476190476,5.8577030812324935,21.787114845938376,7.048011613610866,0.4788770308123258,598,20,142,8,17,203,98,168,0.131,0.812,0.056,-0.8687,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,1,4,1,17,1,1,1,0,25,31,14,0,5,9,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,12,5,0,2,4,1,1,2,8,4,0,1,1,3,22,1,10,26,1,14,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,2,9,87,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609052296637458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373206654100413,0.0,0.2527759752916853,0.14840833968795292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635556833162825,0.16439774854708195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957399241613004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202281835474219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045411977318764,0.0,0.0,0.12646791427693374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242499079716883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506681032101952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063103776268168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220391314861154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36600126405893774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035761254528968,0.0,0.23028615428559826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25760045994616404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18496171059492067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418480181702894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503044406553063,0.0,0.23956299855621405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573071720546187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076474749996795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347062024501374,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChurchofMilo,2018/02/18,"What now? I’ve recently alienated someone important to me through toxic, clingy behavior. Right now we are not on speaking terms. Unfortunately, we have a lot of mutual friends and they know what has happened between us over the last few months. Now they all seem to be avoiding me. It seems like any time I try to reach out to anyone in this group, they’re “busy.” This isn’t the first time I’ve been in this situation. I’m afraid my only option right now is to move on from this group; enough damage has been done that any attempts to repair these relationships will just make things worse. What does one do in this scenario? I think I’ve just destroyed a major part of my support system. I feel isolated, angry at myself, and more depressed than I’ve been in a long time. If anyone has any advice or encouragement, I’d greatly appreciate it.",4.799629629629628,6.325447913580248,5.189814814814816,81.89916666666669,69.8641975308642,8.11604938271605,27.69753086419753,8.59863814320734,1.9538049382716047,670,23,128,11,12,213,109,162,0.13699999999999998,0.765,0.098,-0.8343,0,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,2,2,6,10,1,2,5,0,14,0,0,1,1,20,23,4,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,13,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,4,2,13,5,21,17,8,26,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,6,14,85,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472026846859416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32301371556326075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141893254580208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637118176311494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855746334647462,0.16202868156233022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635993553935843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005745304111175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467717971306128,0.0,0.0,0.1223269662072442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456166854071342,0.0,0.0,0.1400125285298344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701516612919014,0.12906177112756814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735305280568358,0.0,0.0,0.14011890146031306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460826575968338,0.0,0.0,0.10568788764941246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637914943868025,0.16828193550711704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728990977598464,0.12041867560996655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145820482407126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633381995508455,0.16998939139836014,0.0,0.27042944906141625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882791439533962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797188298505773,0.0,0.0,0.13415425095184638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796733591908939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051887933467961,0.10145279868462607,0.0,0.0,0.2769741136843628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749708382062403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904539879197138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135390823964785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,arkindal,2018/02/18,"FP has aspergers, there are understanding issues and it's causing me a lot of pain. I need help. [Link to a thread I posted on the aspergers subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/7ygw7j/im_looking_for_someone_who_could_help_me/) **TL;DR** My fp has aspergers, misunderstandings are causing me a lot of pain, I need help from someone with experience with the syndrome to figure out what to do. __________ I feel like what I wrote in the aspergers subreddit (linked on top) is a good explanation of the situation. This friendship has been going for over a year. I worked really really hard to earn my friend's trust. Around November my friend did something that was very hurtful for me. It wasn't the first time I got hurt in this friendship, but I always thought the good times were outweighing the bad times. That evening it was too much. I don't wish to explain here publicly what happened, but I would be ok with talking about it via instant messages or a voice call. Anyway, that night I decided I had to talk to my friend and explain the issues. I did, and I explained I really needed some changes. I wish to believe that there were misunderstandings. Still, I got to the point where I had to say I couldn't continue to be as closely bonded as we were because it was hurting me. Doing that, really did hurt my friend. I always promised I'd be there and I wouldn't throw the friendship away. And it wasn't my intention to do it, believe me when I say that ending it would've been very painful for me. I didn't even say we'd end it, I was saying that I needed a break and my friend would be welcomed back once they were ready to heed my needs. That still scared my friend on to of hurting them, they right away changed attitude and decided to listen. We've been trying to rekindle our bond since, we had a few deals, things we'd do for one another. I've been trying my best to do what I promised. I won't say in public if my friend kept the promise, though I assume you can guess it. And then we get to today and why I got to another breaking point that made me start not one, but two threads asking for help. My friend has been spending less and less time with me. Their sleeping schedule is completely fucked up because they stay up all night spending time with other people, which I'd be ok with if it didn't make them be unavailable in the evening when we could be together or worse, when we PLANNED to spend time together. We had plans for this evening. As soon as they arrived online I started quitting what I was doing to get ready to spend time together. I say ""think what you'd like to do, I'll go to the toilet"". I arrived to them afk, probably yet again asleep, or regardless not there as we previously decided. I'm going nuts. I REALLY want to fix our friendship, it's SO important to me, but this hurts, and I REALLY need help finding a way to make my friend understand things. Please :(",4.185637050288214,6.04153813416816,4.495453786523555,84.95775034784337,71.95169946332737,7.902699264559729,27.44905585370702,8.582038596145509,1.9261279348042144,2303,84,452,41,45,722,232,559,0.103,0.721,0.17600000000000002,0.9915,0,0,1,0,0,0,81.0,11,2,8,8,25,33,1,1,22,2,58,6,2,6,1,82,96,31,0,17,11,0,2,2,9,4,3,8,0,0,35,27,0,1,16,0,4,4,10,12,0,4,32,10,78,21,65,48,9,57,0,6,0,1,54,20,1,10,30,314,113,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402706077213296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849288380171545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029805312239473,0.05282100138062119,0.0,0.10616948764021604,0.04344594052056719,0.04717614773255968,0.06888522264295109,0.0,0.0,0.1273150237658773,0.05929453082935199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769404949284322,0.0,0.0,0.116084606989104,0.11954157028611775,0.0,0.059240440489425124,0.0,0.0,0.045111616191422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825026338886315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008659779290624,0.0,0.0,0.1492740572162571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526902211264112,0.0,0.0,0.028568707896940538,0.04036447352283362,0.0,0.0,0.051641079531634666,0.048059897754059056,0.0,0.0,0.39287423087631,0.05223445536178748,0.05903909724297049,0.0,0.09633281391355653,0.09478106338858304,0.13556753000482816,0.0,0.062242449439746585,0.0,0.049963830693274654,0.0,0.05061398344444591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148627205304233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629142636490087,0.0,0.0,0.11794516112851637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520727144310618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607061126532022,0.0,0.05346280814259618,0.07542998873447061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153488820838296,0.2513695741023932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060451104209022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017194138436505,0.07657336016186223,0.0,0.1803638034258843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03917082272233938,0.0,0.0,0.062021358219081925,0.10682380671254396,0.0,0.05411253786622152,0.0,0.06091785737081048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060095988444908086,0.0,0.0,0.21717671974649566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048251722003938465,0.0,0.26959216527590674,0.05656756485576981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673838224282999,0.06350972390112887,0.05654201142951845,0.0,0.04787328928148642,0.04349738949669795,0.0,0.0,0.07998369015542613,0.06022276886641492,0.09024387368550307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908270598110841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507378256495502,0.036203691984302816,0.0555121489399583,0.0448556470592143,0.23062415693553584,0.0,0.053556537660325726,0.0,0.0,0.07672122134255932,0.0,0.05519346922765148,0.1176394980799093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323882601058753,0.03332587574522673,0.04484802814918039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050983551057011064,0.0,0.12994719910808428,0.0,0.0,0.04113355157378231,0.0,0.05757955689848202,0.12041050892040638,0.0,0.0,0.03638492480039829 bpd,AbzNeverCared,2018/02/18,"Was feeling optimistic... I just got my BPD diagnosis this last week. I had high hopes that now that I knew the issue, it could be fixed! I wanted to know more about this illness. ...The research online... the thing s people say.... I don’t think I want to do this. I don’t think I can do this. What if nothing ever helps? What if I always hurt the ones I want to love the most? The anxiety is killing me. I could really use some success stories or anything positive right now... ",0.4759122807017526,2.8671823368421023,2.2785526315789504,92.82695175438595,88.78947368421049,5.271929824561403,20.54824561403509,6.816661863887847,0.4549824561403515,362,12,77,5,12,119,64,95,0.149,0.665,0.18600000000000005,0.4402,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,6,0,11,2,0,1,1,19,23,3,1,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,2,13,3,4,16,3,7,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,6,5,55,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370871016333016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051040630678028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161905468271237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24779511911360144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141718751787105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779683222334405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948085758365424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573560157034888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13187491984544095,0.20787330304848334,0.0,0.195413501905616,0.0,0.0,0.21062101879314196,0.0,0.0,0.2053520554593164,0.0,0.0,0.2176706671860698,0.0,0.10812663931327796,0.1603745208636916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775712471167866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878341289200698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333204071469374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363991347012554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604073896472362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680202934678025,0.0,0.15646058090452153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070952138529016,0.2521342119696361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699256618711093,0.0,0.0,0.3481382543607961,0.0,0.15781804086080642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slut4pancakes,2018/02/18,"Update : he just broke up with me he never meant it , he said he likes me as a person and hes sorry but im too difficult for love.",-3.0440000000000005,-1.5245040666666618,0.91,99.225,106.33333333333334,3.733333333333334,9.333333333333334,5.6839178017228535,-1.5194666666666663,98,1,25,1,5,36,25,30,0.175,0.611,0.214,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,3,2,4,2,0,3,0,1,0,1,8,1,0,0,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451042876784855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040016293388907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768695694862515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220525999853729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36460247812443136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3972008366630626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467430890363822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PeanutsLastForever,2018/02/18,"Sister cheating on husband. What to do? My sister and I are very close. She has BPD that is pretty much untreated. Yet she and I have always managed to have a good relationship because I’ve been able to work around her and know the “right way” to talk to her. But right now, I don’t know how to deal with this one. The last few months she has been closed off to me more than she’s ever been. I thought it was odd but since nothing was boiling I thought it was ok. Now I find out she’s been cheating on her husband and is currently finding ways to justify the boyfriend. It’s heartbreaking. Her husband is amazing and is desperately wanting her to end it with the boyfriend and commit to the marriage and do marriage counselling etc. My problem is I am so angry with my sister. So angry. I want to yell at her and text her all my raw feelings. But of course, I can’t because that won’t improve things. And so instead, I am silent. How do I manage this one? Knowing that I am not on her side and want her to go back to her husband?",2.0474183088051916,3.911812270142178,3.1135644799201816,92.51955599900228,77.95734597156398,5.579546021451733,26.27113993514592,6.339386263674448,0.8179611374407587,803,32,173,6,19,257,107,211,0.14,0.763,0.098,-0.9278,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,12,7,2,0,6,1,26,1,0,2,3,38,36,18,0,4,4,7,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,11,17,1,0,8,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,9,2,32,3,25,26,5,24,0,1,0,0,27,12,0,0,9,132,43,3,0.15977086292945553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294215693428182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422299413972112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285393152594437,0.0,0.19478967020452168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122580881544555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16471674416521975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150956205095308,0.0,0.1781867456866114,0.0,0.1445218925742198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078494887442754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920553484485813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080146332379063,0.1340082195479786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634176636909717,0.13023457762051824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752757848734633,0.0,0.11744996772425305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330445202481455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165297432468631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254440626130576,0.0,0.15287913829713415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153411420994755,0.0,0.2728868879371826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321641088417871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841776760997264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614466198818308,0.0,0.0,0.2536804371748332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182769447517784,0.28271098342833845,0.2536373485437485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163150910744372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,to-whatever-end,2018/02/18,"Has anyone been prescribed/is taking/has taken Pristiq? So for the first time in almost a year I got access to a new mental health resource. I was prescribed Pristiq. Just started on it so I haven't really been given the opportunity to feel its full effects directly (since like most meds it apparently takes a couple weeks to take effect). At least to start, I'm supposed to take 1 50mg extended release tablet each morning. In the next week or so I have another appointment in which I might also be prescribed Topomax again. I didn't have the best time on Topomax last time, but that may have been the dosage. Basically, I'm looking to see if anyone else here has been on Pristiq and what their experiences with it were/are/etc? Also, if anyone has been on Topomax and Pristiq at the same time, I would appreciate some advice. Overall, anything you can contribute is very much appreciated. Also, if this information matters: I'm 21 years old, female, 175cm, and average weight. (just thought I would add this info since things like age, gender, height and weight can have an impact on a drug's effects)",5.447681159420291,6.994848067632852,5.981371980676332,76.7584347826087,68.32367149758454,8.225314009661835,30.70821256038648,8.648137234880735,2.5170942995169088,878,35,153,14,15,284,130,207,0.011,0.902,0.087,0.928,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,6,10,4,0,0,11,0,23,4,0,3,0,30,38,15,0,5,7,0,3,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,10,7,2,0,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,5,10,4,18,22,8,29,0,0,2,0,3,12,0,9,19,100,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223289723423725,0.0,0.0,0.1252558736509099,0.0,0.0,0.30009443761008153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116390551241874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623897750644019,0.12816570954375978,0.10293537744090243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127036813651646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840562600219006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450604106439888,0.0,0.10449356367117084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395043039147354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223584161607061,0.0,0.0,0.06324739820623647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639835382010762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004295124794577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296090127269233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196204003037193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222170822138778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050409990112302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389426948990751,0.0,0.12605758275020149,0.13269681072055026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919528325692475,0.0,0.0,0.12080914042434268,0.13303071280209544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312570435660826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013349503754201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967759637155237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694538121159686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707347211899005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821480202657084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310178811486632,0.0,0.0,0.09930456013575416,0.29175533978942797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320930820965052,0.0,0.0,0.2006733901757518,0.30464286123424256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771545551114687,0.0,0.0,0.1611029687346275 bpd,totieee,2018/02/18,DAE struggle to differentiate between rational thoughts and emotion-driven thoughts? My emotions dictate what I believe in any given moment. As they can change so rapidly I don't know what thoughts/perceptions to believe anymore. Anyone else with this issue?,6.768571428571428,10.636141571428574,5.666952380952381,69.39471428571429,73.76190476190476,6.217142857142857,44.11428571428571,7.554174236665415,4.597337142857144,214,15,25,3,5,64,36,42,0.069,0.931,0.0,-0.3939,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921842184552754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24678050244174346,0.17399336557637898,0.2549640108826269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5607105891099323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632376852142576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787227878549236,0.2799093380869402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597222967991982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675489658386553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26013958118386715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39509926705476817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,virginiasz,2018/02/18,"Advice to get someone diagnosed/into therapy? I just want to be clear, I am not asking for a BDP assessment or if he has BDP. I strongly suspect he does, and I would like advice from any sufferers on how I might be able to get him into a session/s with someone who could diagnose him properly? We saw a counsellor together and she said she could see it (we only went once and this came up in the second session, which he ran away from, so no chance then) and my therapist said it could also fit, but seeing as she’s never seen him and just hearing it from my perspective, of course can’t make a diagnosis. Did anyone else fight against a loved one to go and eventually went and started getting better? Does anyone have stories about how their loved one(s) made them see they needed help? It’s so heartbreaking to watch. He has moments of blinding clarity and then others, just an emotionally abusive asshole pushing me away. We are no longer together, but he still sends me messages at least weekly, most of which are toxic or self destructive, full of undeserved anger, to the point I just can’t even reply. It’s so hard to watch and think he has BDP and him not getting help. I know it’s not my job to help him, and I am working to try and distance myself (out of self preservation) but if there is any advice people can give that I could try and get him to get proper help, it would be so appreciated. ",6.069130434782611,6.046002978260872,6.614311594202899,78.36538043478264,66.31884057971014,9.798550724637682,31.74275362318841,9.516144504307137,2.7438014492753617,1106,40,215,20,16,362,156,276,0.115,0.73,0.155,0.8943,1,0,0,0,1,0,32.0,3,0,3,3,16,10,3,0,8,0,23,4,0,4,2,53,53,30,0,10,14,0,1,1,0,3,2,3,0,2,13,20,0,0,3,0,0,7,8,5,0,2,10,12,30,5,31,33,3,25,0,2,8,2,38,11,0,6,8,152,43,3,0.09857356759762367,0.11679355873412647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28897484822639685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788292463941706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406681239609744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378498608277295,0.1010002688890492,0.0,0.0,0.09215297925027446,0.0,0.18522622320277646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718031004409486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274190103363987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148118908900222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100050096154291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252478656046055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823455670438887,0.1108819959078511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510691172877311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090037235747544,0.09456074816044424,0.05602163009448627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830255474560084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109957479119813,0.0,0.264287138076239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781905568964117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417345483015264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815806598497513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793298665176982,0.09327269307002543,0.06579862180771062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457097776936068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309105135249823,0.07602601219897062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497763239824656,0.13359200101626129,0.07496964005306833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833850020253951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318388317253656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875320718103742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23565111303745925,0.0,0.20566745820119406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670421278842981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697708785009661,0.0,0.07872097841613046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272746531948305,0.11445150953789995,0.0,0.06316196189034745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384996371974192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814124412214972,0.0,0.07906977006087522,0.0,0.0,0.1827573694586226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176273121659396,0.0,0.0,0.14004766841506258,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brav0sierr4,2018/02/18,"Growing resentment towards friends When I don't see my friends/go out for more than 2 weekends in a row, I start to feel left out and feel resentment towards my friends, as if I was 99.9999999999% to the point of cutting contact and burning bridges with them, imagining situations where I outbust in anger in their presence. After maybe two hours this dimension subsides, but everytime this happens I feel like being a 10th of an inch before going nuclear with them. Do you relate to this?",10.546011235955056,8.899332786516856,8.997612359550562,70.18383426966292,58.21348314606742,12.046067415730338,48.09269662921348,10.686352973137794,5.29396404494382,394,23,66,7,4,120,65,89,0.086,0.8140000000000001,0.1,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,3,0,2,7,4,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,11,6,0,1,2,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,4,11,3,18,9,1,18,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,1,6,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514808275793326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835302628620397,0.1806288334348984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906868690121621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28738941747646235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235854370046399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489963133732517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747112278134828,0.0,0.0,0.12352477522407193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540116049786963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23901537547178356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148061855540586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28420257565217644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896134131936986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469877862813205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ckstarling,2018/02/18,"DAE have trouble not sexualizing platonic relationships? Basically the title. Does anyone else screw up relationships because they over-sexualize them? For instance, I [29/F] met someone the other night & really like her a lot. I’d like to be able to form a friendship with her & spend more time with her because we clicked really well. But I’m already finding myself flirting & developing mildly obsessive sexual feelings for her, even when that wasn’t my intent. I’m tired of being lonely & having no friends, but I’m desperately afraid I’ll screw up a chance at a friendship by making a move on her. I’m having an incredibly hard time reading her to know her intentions because I’m just projecting my “fantasy” onto her. If you’ve been there with this hard time forming/maintaining platonic relationships &/or reading people &/or awkward hypersexuality ruining things, what’s helped you out? Any tips? <3 ",6.597697026899482,9.0022215398773,7.398159509202454,64.35386031146767,66.73006134969324,10.16875884851345,35.85134497404436,10.389873798559362,4.5112467201510125,753,38,111,21,13,250,113,163,0.146,0.7490000000000001,0.104,-0.6123,0,2,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,2,0,5,13,2,3,8,0,7,3,0,3,0,17,16,4,0,1,5,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,3,1,1,3,8,1,0,3,4,16,5,16,11,3,12,0,2,1,2,18,6,2,2,7,65,21,3,0.10887847487710857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015010446167868,0.0,0.0,0.7078186922424048,0.0,0.07404109651842615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613036118470909,0.11155886417448332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911392313485404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952802870840522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095399477907737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191320579897766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055052228329995866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951295353779313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411923960531953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506745515590276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297894665037565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059836762374350136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638504632151817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256458580941067,0.0,0.0,0.07267722743568318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572058797066614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217507304200364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548262540130328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781587787738807,0.0,0.1395006779979246,0.0,0.0,0.35068420615881235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922523784393685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233402074521145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904637428350297,0.125139790200552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789482469369257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justduck,2018/02/18,"Medication costs After years of battle, I've been put on disability. With disability comes Medicare, and having to choose an insurance plan. I went with a PPO because it gives me flexibility and better coverage. When looking at everything, I assumed that my pharmacy costs would be like other health insurance I've had - copays of $5/$10/$20. My first month on my new plan, my copays were $42, $13.27, $4.15 etc. I thought I must have a deductible. When I went online to look - nope! This is what I pay. And that $42 drug is really $84 because I have to take two different dosages to get the amount my Dr prescribed. Do you know how much the insurance company is paying towards these drugs? Well, my monthly statement said that I paid over $100 in January, and Aetna paid a whopping 77 CENTS. So I'm freaking out, and I looked up alternatives to my $42 drug, and all the ones I haven't already tried and people reported as effective are also a $42 copay. FML I am basically maxed out on the dosages of my various drugs, and they are just taking the edge off. You know, I'm not actively trying to kill myself, I haven't gotten locked up for getting in a physical fight, etc etc. But damn, for all the pills I swallow (and money I fork out for said pills) you'd think I'd get better results. Doc said next she wants to try TMS, but I'm afraid my insurance will 1) not cover it, 2)only cover 10% of the cost, or 3) make me do ECT first. (<----HELL NO.)",3.8924860426929406,5.048913772413798,5.2170935960591125,82.25488505747127,71.6206896551724,8.558292282430214,28.292282430213465,8.976282227363876,2.186848932676519,1134,42,230,22,21,379,171,290,0.05,0.908,0.041,-0.3318,1,0,4,0,1,1,66.0,0,3,1,7,7,10,4,1,13,0,21,10,0,4,3,37,48,18,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,3,9,3,0,0,9,15,1,0,8,0,9,4,6,6,1,4,12,6,31,4,32,31,8,28,0,0,3,0,10,14,1,2,11,139,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679012424044287,0.0846351749642273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903048746183726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872026216544724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911663649601576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057369527079518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909339873012378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540976679775937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511650908454462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004418935290625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588122686455772,0.10152533268286153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124962784938766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170893130632924,0.0,0.1163268720099217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051705001975999886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662096973471633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064481932574236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066163226508382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895090586449416,0.0,0.07779994992509431,0.0,0.0,0.10221485095012624,0.1125553450102633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171565692316845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337176474469669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639210412609584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779978089906688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020162649350553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591475486928276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678139642353441,0.0,0.08402013934782276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21556241401313653,0.0,0.1033841507062695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242346075859335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515721013891652,0.1962178080808887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518122690386035,0.0,0.0,0.06815343557197734 bpd,selenawhat,2018/02/18,Anger Anger is the hardest emotion to manage because it also makes me anxious and irrational so i don't know how to act but i really just want to scream and yell a ton of cuss words and punch a wall. UGH fuck,1.7324999999999982,3.558884522727276,3.1818181818181834,91.8427272727273,78.77272727272728,6.218181818181819,22.363636363636363,7.1686216300943375,0.6421545454545456,165,5,36,2,4,54,37,44,0.39,0.575,0.035,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,10,6,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,22,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288616872393467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645745500424482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506829094992145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625800946565792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801769013383496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22600208138417505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745002239081097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634454333006261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24255499722269144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweetthrowaway35,2018/02/18,"Dating is driving me nuts. I just had a falling out with a guy I was casually seeing because he tried to ghost me and I went absolutely batshit. Making fake numbers and texting them because I'd rather have the truth. I figure I have nothing to lose anyway so there's nothing stopping my inner voice from telling me to let them have it. Second time I'd been ghosted in two weeks and I'm exhausted. It feels like the world is ending every time it happens and it's hard to come down from that. It also really hurts when they tell me that they really like me, want to see me, etc. and it turns out to be a pack of lies. How can there be so much difference from one minute to the next and they all of a sudden want nothing to do with me, even before I react? I'm trying to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist for the first time in over a year, moved to a new area so I need to change therapists. Just want to vent here because I don't think anyone I know personally will understand. 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I know it's horrible to the neighbours in my apartment building. It happens every 3-5 months. I absolutely am determined not to do it...but every few months I just erupt, break shit, harm myself and the cops are usually called. I hate everything about this. In the time periods between fights I am terrified to run into my neighbours and it makes me even more nervous to leave than I normally am. I just want to stay in bed all day, and often do. ",4.063673469387755,5.9632951122449,4.960969387755104,81.3134948979592,72.36734693877553,8.16530612244898,30.617346938775512,8.841846274778883,2.6658530612244906,403,18,74,8,8,131,67,98,0.28,0.684,0.036000000000000004,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,4,2,3,0,6,1,1,1,1,14,11,4,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,1,13,0,13,11,3,14,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,1,6,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301070541544539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533179684524292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884123176332598,0.0,0.3797333774585261,0.0,0.2025296167648109,0.0,0.0,0.2535808594055758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927583513664587,0.0,0.0,0.22248599543723216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384620206507782,0.0,0.0,0.2386126023756607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042255358367376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597436716941457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207946820689219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23131804256093555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228764361424709,0.0,0.0,0.2401926032006871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140311655258452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481906576810141,0.1859369534181977,0.13291698471958954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dildo_of_Vengeance,2018/02/18,"Is it possible to split on yourself? Hey all, I'm in a relationship with someone who's recently been diagnosed with BPD, and I love him very much. I can identify almost all the behaviours in him apart from splitting; but then I realised that when he's having a bad episode, he often decides that he is the worst person in the world and literally nothing I or anyone else can say can persuade him differently. He just denies/rejects/avoids every opinion or fact to maintain his belief that he's terrible, and becomes consumed with anger and self-hatred. Does this happen to any of you? Does it sound like it qualifies as splitting? Is it even possible to split on yourself? I am just trying to understand what happens when he's like this, so any response is really welcome.",6.732383141762448,7.4636253034482785,7.131954022988509,72.6256704980843,64.93103448275862,10.030651340996167,36.8007662835249,9.994966539143718,3.891674329501917,619,30,104,13,9,202,93,145,0.132,0.782,0.087,-0.8756,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,7,8,1,0,5,0,10,2,0,0,3,21,15,12,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,11,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,10,4,16,14,4,11,1,0,0,1,18,7,0,5,6,71,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090393100973558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321264082421017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933823329846653,0.174874223006319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250447175183012,0.0,0.1884944508510618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21495613447860998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732290717553341,0.0,0.1783165158512588,0.0,0.0,0.2987134423595849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257503681137326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112727626630553,0.0,0.1437990061160289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301850390159301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676399901194056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403866311535966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546398101347864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376493949560514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490247099955451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848153702616333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933722234562517,0.0,0.1685185784587873,0.18323847392557985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572568253087802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804871881147016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446103195783472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587547569119253,0.0,0.0,0.1776761704459577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408227492707007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kayimax,2018/02/19,"Does your BPD ever get worse when you're physically ill? Long story short, I have kidney disease and recently my boyfriend accidentally brought home a virus from work. I managed to catch it and I've been bed bound for the past few days with a sore throat, nausea and vomiting plus my kidneys have been aching like hell because I'm unable to keep any nutrients down. It's driving me crazy and I can't stop crying. I feel so damn awful that I've been getting suicidal thoughts and I know it seems so silly because I know I'll be okay eventually but it feels so bleak. Does anyone else get like this? Honestly I feel like such a drama queen.",3.398939393939393,5.46224188095238,4.1423520923520964,85.76577922077924,74.63492063492063,7.121500721500722,25.740259740259734,8.00094639256281,1.5004380952380951,511,18,101,8,11,163,92,126,0.162,0.6940000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.1004,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,6,8,2,0,4,2,7,6,3,0,1,19,20,11,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,6,7,0,3,7,1,0,3,1,2,0,0,5,3,11,6,7,14,1,12,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,10,48,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565564208237529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920134717679496,0.18932729750074165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527838399245645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327219147705415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297038579705348,0.11916677574759535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234016300220541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435863528949414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714263326421436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802885191124749,0.13200571932622984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896172482785219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534779190710587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423952381995202,0.0,0.0,0.20309874245064205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708201647209565,0.0,0.0,0.16352306124373694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639188215370336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824463691090483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821530721654704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154483008558788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211756881672854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466934023689304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345208692210022,0.0,0.1883049663107836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chatterpillar,2018/02/19,Have any of you tried treating your BPD by micro dosing with psilocybin prescription? Ps also diagnosed as bipolar I know it increases mania I only get hypo mania but what if you paired it with seroquel ,3.2740540540540515,6.421872081081084,4.836540540540541,73.56724324324324,84.94594594594594,7.284324324324325,26.318918918918918,8.238735603445708,2.875252972972973,165,7,23,4,5,55,32,37,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462982062928925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944788817593437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453928537295242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395217564863661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262430931549863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379848989366744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32934289067009553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940025718166899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Catkeen,2018/02/19,"I feel completely awful and jealous that my boyfriend has now been accepted for counselling when I have been refused I live in the UK where there are limited amounts of counsellors on the NHS and everything else is private-which I can't afford. I've been trying for ages to get some counselling but always been rejected. Just found out that my boyfriend has been accepted for 5 sessions through his work and I can't help but feel awful about it as selfish as that is :(. I'm happy for him as he has been through trauma but it just feels like he has everyone around him supporting him (family, friends) and I have nobody. All my doctor does is medicate me :(. How can i stop feeling so jealous and be supportive of him??",5.050729927007296,6.546072795620439,5.170518248175185,82.39373357664236,69.21897810218978,8.983649635036498,32.678102189781015,9.3871,3.0180487591240883,571,26,107,12,10,179,86,137,0.211,0.6609999999999999,0.128,-0.9275,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,2,0,2,2,20,2,0,1,1,25,29,14,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,3,7,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,7,4,16,7,17,21,3,9,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,5,78,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696933765272784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863437495766055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039341290792898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538910914147807,0.1756032755784909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762984137595313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917439869596306,0.1803447443761715,0.0,0.18916908368887755,0.0,0.4058489712195827,0.14335510125412831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200187923400465,0.1550332651793455,0.0,0.10483916950422564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136116017366736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345015057392591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098034772870426,0.0,0.1771908530097912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021488555441226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776490781628564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4554244808771536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623834889957567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608649478521726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stephencwebster,2018/02/19,"My wife won't deal with her BPD and gets extremely defensive when asked to seek treatment. How do I talk to her about it? My SO was diagnosed with BPD a long time ago and never took it seriously, but she's told me about it. We have a difficult relationship, full stop. I keep on trying because I think that I understand what is going on. But, I cannot lie, this is very hard for me to continue and right now I'm not wearing my wedding ring since she took hers off fist and gave it back to me. I'm actually writing this locked in my office because she's acting like a child again (screaming, pounding on my door, throwing things) after insisting that my tone wasn't convincing enough over 12 hours ago, when I told her that I married the right person. (EDIT: Just re-read that and, my god. I'm not without self awareness, but this sounds nuts.) I believe she has the discouraged subtype of BPD that occasionally manifests with petulant/self-destructive traits. In practice, this means my wife of nearly three years (six total together, going on seven) often refuses to believe that I love her. To make matters worse, she gets very angry and defensive when I contradict her about my thoughts and emotions, and insists that my tone is the truth of the matter, allowing her to assign whatever malintent she has in her head to me, discounting my actual words and deeds entirely. Try as I might to keep the frustration out of my voice, this becomes nearly impossible when she's acting like a child lashing out at a mean parent, especially when she's breaking things, or pounding on a door, or slamming doors in my face, or calling me awful names (which I'm sure the neighbors can hear). How am I supposed to talk to her about getting treatment when this is her reaction? Even mentioning BPD to her (did that once, still regret it) is counter productive, and we're going on two and a half years since she promised me she would seek treatment with a professional councilor. Still hasn't happened. Whenever I talk to her about that, and how disappointed I am that she won't fulfill her promise to me, she makes it about me and asks why I cannot hire a marriage councilor to talk out my bad behavior in the same setting with her. This always blows my mind... It's like she needs to always draw an equivalency or refocus our conversations to make them about me and how horrible I am... She cannot accept that she's the cause of 99% of our conflict, and I am sadly at a loss on what to do next. Oh, and FWIW, I cannot hire a marriage councilor because she hasn't had a job in years and her client work is very spotty at best, so I go broke every month supporting her. You all seem to have some insight. Please help? ",7.15550903119869,6.660954706896554,7.165388615216205,76.89525862068969,64.19157088122606,10.522276956759717,34.9263820470717,9.957137785484203,3.262162342638204,2135,85,411,40,28,685,248,522,0.134,0.775,0.091,-0.9824,2,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,3,1,1,3,27,25,3,0,21,1,31,5,3,9,5,80,65,37,0,3,11,3,1,3,1,4,1,5,4,4,30,26,0,8,8,0,1,9,13,13,0,5,10,6,80,12,64,51,7,62,0,6,0,1,68,26,0,8,28,285,110,7,0.0,0.0,0.15659551737825794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224692324624694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335238484741384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500177358875519,0.0,0.0,0.0616957408989213,0.0669928502466043,0.1467314827468903,0.08861322289010153,0.0,0.18079467551361067,0.08420165306443328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40421255416581736,0.0,0.081928877273009,0.0,0.0,0.08242341803789968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271873308006605,0.0,0.08143680770013682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025354422678132,0.0,0.08290417428994361,0.0,0.05299444232646527,0.0,0.06760142445998675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575838396285366,0.0,0.182397534531793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095152080573723,0.0,0.07187477520420038,0.0,0.08234422911560245,0.0,0.09043064480303084,0.0,0.05377981048599698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901528536712125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962082930256763,0.1426330594686305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175962635592345,0.0,0.0,0.07100542541891199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241519485960896,0.0,0.16067240063892962,0.0,0.0,0.17479881250591028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511662591993893,0.08101444935330804,0.0,0.06404278920581892,0.0,0.0,0.059493215123101476,0.06188215677582125,0.0,0.08533080302347627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544762664943227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890914412952479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005808278887903,0.0,0.08807390520346149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802566847751748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614233288405583,0.0,0.13704045547235874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304290514156069,0.16740514889538394,0.0,0.0,0.1327423960138837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281515046493254,0.06708002931990295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104969545745324,0.07562051161735152,0.0,0.0,0.25795932515548714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066091004575392,0.05141133034490332,0.0,0.0636976054761357,0.04678565743621823,0.0,0.0,0.15333590838022115,0.17828801235506478,0.10894855852317356,0.0,0.0783779090976235,0.08352743554465561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986067644874309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723995825255808,0.0,0.0,0.07734364986671104,0.0,0.058412015247940575,0.0,0.08176629118667005,0.056996622092105965,0.0,0.0,0.15500607418426784 bpd,facetatshawty,2018/02/19,"Why do I keep triggering myself online? For example reddit/youtube. I feel I'm often just triggering myself reading comments when I know I shouldn't. I at least stopped commenting but I just keep catching myself reading them. I just watched this vid on black panther and I just knew the comments would be full of reactionary garbage and boom, yes, there they are Reddit is even worse as I use some communities on here. I hate that its everywhere, racism, sexism, people shitting on cluster B disorders, just ignorant garbage in general. It doesn't even make me angry anymore, just makes me hate people. I don't even have any right wingers or hateful people in my life, so why am I wasting my energy reading their stupid opinions? Its not just that, I trigger myself in so many ways. Like I'll see a pretty girl on twitter and I KNOW I shouldn't be going through her pics and there I go.. oh no her body is better than mine too.. oh she draws way better than me.. of course she has a boyfriend Is this BPD or just me being stupid",2.6238311688311704,5.204175712121213,3.224516594516597,88.7377272727273,79.75757575757575,5.993650793650794,26.095238095238088,7.2636822038024595,1.3947904761904768,813,33,154,11,21,254,123,198,0.226,0.6729999999999999,0.102,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,2,19,10,6,0,3,1,16,3,2,6,0,37,32,11,0,3,12,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,7,4,0,4,4,3,0,3,6,7,0,0,1,5,34,3,15,25,3,17,0,0,3,0,11,10,1,5,3,106,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053480442153483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203186910705636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354901165526824,0.0,0.1478804221557295,0.1676759808727388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258161351208904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637986872891231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731589562001533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132476810129702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943229496372461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366689297974783,0.0,0.0,0.14633250541964818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403556643854573,0.06504191465950014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773422818370888,0.134975666428189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768923631309384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354438226173967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39950619650723307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369460227674355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060895287917126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665880807117362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130490230714343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498391143299827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21134908813828732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402631168110348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567359980043192,0.09457365356154863,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CatsR4ever,2018/02/19,"Diagnosed at 15. 10 years later, I'm taking it seriously. I was diagnosed 10 years ago, when I was 15 years old. It wasn't a surprise for me or my family because my mom is also BPD. I went to a few counseling sessions, was prescribed something (I don't remember) for anxiety and took it for 2 months or so, then just kinda let everything fall off. My mom didn't care because she had been untreated for several years and was ""fine."" Fast forward ten years and now I know I need therapy. My mom is a alcoholic spiraling out of control, her and I don't talk. I either so angry/annoyed it overpowers me or I'm super happy and talkative. I can't seem to find any annoyance small, they are all horrible and huge and life ruining. When my husband doesn't wash the dishes. When the lady at the coffee shop has an attitude. When my grabdparents call at the wrong time. I hate myself for all the ways I treat other people. My husband is insane for staying with me. I have an appointment with my GP on Wednesday to get a referral. Can someone explain why the hell a referral is needed to see mental health specialists? I sshouldnt have to go to the ER and threaten to kill myself to get a quick appointment for mental health issues.",2.9037954545454525,5.055431425000002,4.8403787878787865,79.78977272727275,76.41666666666666,8.53030303030303,27.99242424242424,9.218907990703514,2.7550833333333333,962,41,178,25,22,329,140,240,0.145,0.7979999999999999,0.058,-0.9649,2,0,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,1,2,10,13,4,0,15,0,22,8,0,1,2,27,38,19,1,2,5,5,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,5,11,2,1,5,1,1,5,6,7,1,1,10,1,29,6,24,27,4,34,1,1,1,0,11,9,1,5,20,122,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295055440853276,0.12411767877277555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928766215681567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897876213035951,0.0,0.08884630909645484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159497820868305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627348557206107,0.0,0.1185912938548912,0.0,0.1184118399050932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302601920843169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357580553774503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437858754192088,0.0,0.10948587290605484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614929081169076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213560669014424,0.0,0.06600468704089535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363253139960813,0.0,0.1146635949968946,0.0,0.24690146360347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121934051352608,0.0,0.0,0.12849101834611087,0.0,0.0638271668631833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876038644994155,0.08203267992896839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340823609153176,0.0,0.0,0.4080631204693521,0.09270134642130914,0.0,0.0,0.17223175983543812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186874432456225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051642394384255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156327942215199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254805058119273,0.10572893118982722,0.0,0.13120444353581934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840452120950928,0.08940977007279495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378912803266025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732236129771724,0.09334843571145238,0.0,0.0,0.13281550459664634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772180742480054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290351263666684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218603533301366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076623703664856,0.10479772763944853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269801819996768,0.0,0.373949770108216 bpd,badsadthrowaway__,2018/02/19,"Is it possible to have a happy fulfilling life with BPD? I feel like I’m at the end. I’m miserable, perpetually in a dissociative state and lost any ambition and passion for the thing I went to university for. Life feels pointless and I read things about how being in a relationship with someone w BPD will never work bc we are all abusive. And I hate it because I had abusive behaviours when I was with my ex, and as much as I go to therapy and try to get better and be better and not repeat that same hurt and those same mistakes, it constantly feels like that I am fundamentally bad. that my default is someone who is toxic, manipulative and abusive. I’ve worked so hard on myself in the past year to be better but I just. feel so scared of hurting people. I want to be in a relationship again but I’m so scared that I will be as bad as I was in my last one, despite whatever improvements I’ve made. I’m young (22), but life feels so hopeless... so ig I’m posting bc I want to know if it’s possible to have a happy life and a healthy relationship with BPD ",3.0433578431372545,4.491660912037041,5.098627450980395,81.13852941176471,74.1388888888889,8.415686274509804,27.983660130718953,9.007467420416297,2.2244235294117654,831,33,173,18,17,288,112,216,0.18600000000000005,0.7040000000000001,0.11,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,0,6,10,19,1,3,9,0,17,5,0,3,2,38,36,26,0,4,6,1,6,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,12,16,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,11,0,1,6,6,18,8,27,23,4,21,0,5,0,1,6,7,0,1,12,114,30,3,0.0,0.3436244258583632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574082785555886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143552156829072,0.058930849487513176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564977410548141,0.0,0.0,0.3652680711412032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044689671490649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562341825942514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24440339459360225,0.13812615377009185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050755474128051,0.0,0.05494138742328484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582001401017944,0.08659985192436168,0.09544438855028246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20698049138758096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312884978286584,0.07880124529977725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27313146695508594,0.09445890654642143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552979514524094,0.0,0.0,0.09147415306070802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106564083202159,0.0,0.07456003303413566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550799996454101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228513871412652,0.06702075625470755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179681424800056,0.09258583196894037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669897398251807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31137126694243955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357270093583007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382112138868982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055378672339254,0.0,0.12845024262243193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656344942204988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404025956400025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961666612477627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075791838524154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062254121994804026 bpd,nada8,2018/02/19,"Unstructured thoughts Do you get thought disorder symptoms especially when doing presentations, interviewing or public speaking? How do you manage the intrusive/ thought de structuring? please help",11.251666666666665,16.401634814814813,8.457314814814819,46.450416666666676,71.22222222222223,13.07037037037037,51.194444444444436,10.686352973137794,9.218044444444443,168,12,15,7,4,49,24,27,0.084,0.7490000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,9,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362545152354728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652709949376032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203141706723586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472387641045653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32879122532305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7533994689184371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drunknihilist,2018/02/19,"Temporary substitute for therapist? I'm not able to go to therapy this month, had to cancel the last two weeks and the next appointment will be in about three weeks. I was just wondering... What do you do when you have to skip a couple of appointments and have noone else to talk to?",4.5419090909090905,5.887516963636365,5.005227272727275,83.66784090909091,70.27272727272727,10.590909090909092,26.47727272727273,10.686352973137794,2.8025454545454545,223,7,46,7,4,71,43,55,0.044,0.956,0.0,-0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,11,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,10,7,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,7,33,5,0,0.2703327340556174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29911802842176216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258283109646852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363632258410842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203572590847069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157770091984704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28750192952615106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21728321161193795,0.0,0.0,0.3091490411239847,0.3138771401322289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264075800289756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336892260805359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931643184609391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Flimingow,2018/02/19,"DAE have trouble sleeping? I suffer with insomnia which stems from BPD/PTSD/anxiety which as you can imagine, makes it difficult for myself to sleep at all without medication. I usually take mirtazapine (UK) to help me sleep but unfortunately Im going to have to go a few days without it.. (payday/prescription issues..) How do you guys manage to get a well rested sleep? I didnt sleep last night, so any suggestions would be appreciated! :)",4.960705244122966,7.478654075949372,6.2873779385171815,70.08632911392408,71.53164556962025,9.577576853526224,30.273056057866178,9.957137785484203,3.5646296564195303,348,15,57,10,7,117,63,79,0.106,0.733,0.161,0.7685,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,7,7,5,2,1,9,12,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,1,0,7,1,12,9,3,7,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192204953779327,0.0,0.11465611352622175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876585350798325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665878761769583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830496913857025,0.0,0.17035802539434042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840259450354626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045993597440132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189375270440595,0.15643349294796038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221704181263146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004460121853724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509861244574415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406501705917213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519913803421452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7499302439873085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268945972149925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650692318559236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475814974513578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889537186323635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106468895192946,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,manlytarts,2018/02/19,"I lose empathy daily I took myself off Tegretol a few months ago, and since, I've gotten uncontrollably mad, and it's gotten progressively worse. At this point, I wake up feeling absolutely nothing and anything that happens can set me off, recently making me go off at my girlfriend, which it has become a daily occurrence that I'll say something messed up and she will get mad at me, leaving me more numb than prior until I find a way to snap out of feeling nothing, making myself feel actual human emotions. I don't really know what I should do about this, I'm not currently on a mood stabilizer. Has anyone else experienced this? Can you get over it?",7.216739631336408,7.233804153225808,7.97179723502304,69.45983870967746,63.91935483870968,10.634101382488481,33.843317972350235,10.290406445055957,3.548280184331796,521,20,89,11,7,175,86,124,0.16399999999999998,0.812,0.024,-0.9528,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,1,7,2,1,4,0,8,2,1,2,0,14,22,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,10,5,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,5,15,0,16,17,2,22,0,1,0,0,5,12,0,0,6,60,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.183315312510242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651842674090886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131349668256058,0.19247537476919446,0.15458522736287406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20746648331447146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692526417692307,0.2113068999941436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28494907217203996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716922556384111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628861109093534,0.0,0.1067599558518258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611586879799792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032379035785537,0.0,0.0,0.1989069057098885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101570286617329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507837757471305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994074049941172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36049587596831895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757975333496812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034205204981245,0.0,0.18548003237306698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938651999037894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539214797486872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446167466831459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870918432966806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910724531137612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143604456418453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Siamaria,2018/02/19,"Some quick advice on how to stop an emotional outburst??? Please help me. I already posted but it doesn't seem to be there . Has anyone got any quick advice on at least one strategy to stop yourself from having an emotional outburst? My relationship is at stake and I promised I'd stop doing this to him. Please, anything would be good. I haven't found any DBT in my area ",2.8799404761904768,5.250381875000002,3.4992063492063497,88.29500000000002,77.47222222222223,6.336507936507938,24.174603174603178,7.447530270364453,1.1324103174603175,293,10,57,4,7,92,52,72,0.08900000000000001,0.6920000000000001,0.219,0.8594,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,10,12,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,7,2,10,7,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,5,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3505521844656132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979367756131733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439524455410742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541810335232614,0.0,0.14760437753329148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035291595995768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966674829618143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044516110711176,0.14345677756925118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022642387488215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154423145511915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937838591701483,0.0,0.0,0.1717847254745828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925738401325588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328966568018366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498784190019074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274177053648457,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,halpdunnowattodo,2018/02/19,"How to accept that I'll be alone forever and find happiness elsewhere? Before anything else, therapy has been entirely unhelpful with this. Over the last few weeks I've come to the conclusion that I'll be alone forever. I'll never have a family, which is really the only thing I've ever wanted. I'll never have a relationship or know what is like to love someone or to be loved. Despite having a job that I enjoy and am pretty successful in, more friends than I'd ever thought I'd have, and a lot of hobbies that are fun and I engage regularly... none of that makes me happy. I feel miserable the second I'm away from my friends. If I'm not out there skiing or in the gym or whatever I feel like total shit. The only way to keep depressive thoughts at bay is constantly keeping myself busy, which is physically and mentally exhausting. I lay awake with racing thoughts. I can't just sit down and enjoy a TV show or a movie. If I'm not actively doing something or in somebody else's company, I'm miserable. Any free time I have is spent dwelling on how I'm a low priority to my friends, how women find me disgusting, wondering why I was abandoned by my family... I can be ""happy"" in the moment, but any free time immediately brings misery. Before I kept this at bay by attempting to seek out relationships or intimacy. But I'm an utter failure at that, I'm about to be a 28 year old virgin. I've never even kissed a woman. I've been on one date ever. While I have plenty of friends who are women, the thought of me as a romantic or sexual partner is disgusting to them. IDK, my therapist just makes me feel even shitter about this stuff to. When I was looking for a relationship she told me I need to focus on other things for happiness. Now that I tell her I want to focus on other things she says abandoning intimacy that I won't be able to make myself stop wanting is unhealthy. She doesn't guide me or help me, just tells me that everything I'm doing is wrong. IDK, I'm just rambling now.",4.035385548431815,5.267273015075379,5.802112285565759,77.9085175879397,71.36180904522612,9.40925316236354,28.7995148154566,9.753983421225431,2.7733693294056496,1572,60,304,39,29,541,199,398,0.13699999999999998,0.721,0.142,-0.1722,1,2,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,1,3,18,33,3,3,20,0,34,6,1,6,7,67,69,25,0,6,19,0,3,2,5,1,1,1,0,4,22,11,0,6,13,4,3,2,9,12,0,2,11,5,35,23,44,51,5,41,0,6,1,4,24,17,1,13,22,203,57,2,0.0853665476584663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768279963408751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610435950282083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024939502166183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020468162003863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528128902805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353572193706036,0.0,0.09225091099714368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352608240940937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142625593145013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276759923466245,0.2316567890525117,0.0,0.0,0.07672194856866056,0.0,0.1609519674084423,0.0,0.1294916744216476,0.060985878704251074,0.0,0.0,0.1560469560288602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638159318402149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634971094677638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057219397445874724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471312627663508,0.15175541982956015,0.0,0.0,0.04691522206500195,0.0695851300629893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341156631009568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168639991869062,0.0,0.0,0.072575586082595,0.15409328438862072,0.0,0.1709485003323975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860294016134429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329821341315499,0.197519832704818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957783156857843,0.0,0.057846581996995036,0.12985021251645562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868484687965261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054687996365395286,0.0,0.0,0.2749551739397279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678869050603465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762753442116257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723307988061006,0.06571933901965983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137025630344786,0.0,0.0,0.09772427330135734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922825067279388,0.0,0.09762408701585576,0.09911714145756532,0.17014122312727695,0.0,0.0,0.27108601321966663,0.09955584087848568,0.0,0.0,0.08157139459069494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510542047398415,0.06775999204556818,0.06847589530084529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703003134466731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925763794424862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333491879937232,0.0,0.05497325783984642 bpd,Karmakerosene,2018/02/19,"DAE feel extremely rejected, to the point of a mental breakdown, when denied sex from a partner? I'm a very sexual person. Like to the point of being hypersexual. If I could, I would absolutely have sex every single day. I'm currently in a long-term relationship with a man who, when we first started seeing one another, only really could be together for a few days a week and we would have sex multiple times a day. I mean, I was pretty satisfied. Now we live together and the amount of sex we have has been slowly declining. At first it was normal. Like at least every other day. Then it kind of slowed down to only on weekends. Then it became once a week. Now it's been over a week and I basically have been shut down every single time I try to initiate. I always reciprocate when he wants to be intimate. I mean, I jump at the chance to get some. But being put off is absolute hell for me. It's gotten to the point where I have actually cried and gone into silent mental breakdown status and even cut myself over it. I'm not big on making scenes or acting out. I just feel completely rejected and unwanted and it triggers me really badly. It makes me split and question our entire relationship. I think about doing stupid things like breaking up with him or cheating out of spite. Anyway, sorry for the rant. Just wondering if anyone else has/had similar experiences.",3.9603525751814734,5.959037536121677,5.6281662633944025,76.00379796059455,72.8783269961977,9.040373314898034,24.88230210853785,9.573946990214177,2.4485148288973377,1084,34,194,28,22,369,151,263,0.145,0.7959999999999999,0.059,-0.972,2,2,0,0,0,1,32.0,5,0,0,2,11,12,5,0,16,0,21,4,0,3,0,43,38,18,0,9,8,0,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,3,11,17,0,0,7,1,0,4,1,8,0,3,7,3,22,4,34,23,6,48,1,2,1,4,14,21,1,7,25,138,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.1072125963632678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141665554032977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520325163340757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768203090748302,0.1125698905477163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173286097793834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519158203622598,0.0,0.0,0.17543686017083346,0.0,0.1206817739185896,0.2834158851874704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177828505984537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256493480486625,0.0,0.2776985327122827,0.0,0.0,0.10746925651045357,0.0,0.0,0.11110230215006084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869025823931057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05740003751847824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144077093278607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102377577450575,0.0,0.09701299293756076,0.09722725327636852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667176110632416,0.0,0.0,0.23935084277931795,0.0,0.0,0.22143658149147707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076445788561409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700286265584672,0.07444750938718271,0.16711488529691645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593006336043874,0.0,0.0,0.3115744040562932,0.0,0.0,0.11177241546143024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044488066441742,0.12307417863310795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407649331118812,0.0,0.0,0.23590823849650774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754834778778324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298510739667692,0.07776316085751862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298956347771014,0.07039719017566247,0.0,0.0,0.12812657450936246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459126560494145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065030396994793,0.06480134715609727,0.0,0.2643817326218292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914413332033864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156090185485197,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,20-CharactersAllowed,2018/02/19,"DAE work better with less sleep? Curious if this is a bpd-related thing or if it's just me Most nights I fall asleep between 2am and 2:30 and I wake up either at 6:30 or 8. If I sleep any more than 7 hours, I end up dead tired all day. If I get 4-6 hours I feel awake, but my body is physically tired and low-energy all day. Does anyone else have this problem?",0.5337857142857168,1.8957949500000024,2.7321428571428577,95.83,80.75,6.571428571428572,17.67857142857143,7.447530270364453,-0.08814285714285708,276,5,71,4,7,94,61,80,0.168,0.7879999999999999,0.045,-0.8894,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,7,5,0,2,18,5,10,1,5,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,6,5,6,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,6,39,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334153451161073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371800106815566,0.2010189619611539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351335418489786,0.0,0.217921910627438,0.2470933581704092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530515343245249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168644147398715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389085485949484,0.0,0.17376534901873875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919912572106873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025007300118572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864135738870877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411022085241466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772651429957998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39266165768173017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033934929578467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4509811194708329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428280329877527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,iheartgiraffe,2018/02/19,"Resources in Arabic? (Or French? Or good videos?) I'm overall pretty stable, but I'm in a new relationship with someone whose first language is Arabic. The topic of BPD came up and he'd like to learn more about it so he can be a good support when my symptoms flare up again. The thing is, English is his third language, so reading English is very tedious for him, and most of my go-tos are English books. Arabic is the language he's most comfortable in, although he speaks and reads French as well. Does anyone know of any resources that explain BPD (ideally for a partner, but really anything is better than nothing) in Arabic? I imagine there are also some good videos on YouTube, but I haven't really looked and I'm not big on watching videos myself. TL;DR: Looking for resources on BPD that are written in Arabic, or good videos for a partner in English, French, or Arabic.",5.149497991967873,6.606963367469884,5.2303012048192805,82.20260040160646,68.93975903614458,6.738152610441769,31.90562248995984,6.816661863887847,1.9811863453815264,693,30,121,5,12,217,96,166,0.0,0.794,0.206,0.9889,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,3,8,10,0,0,7,0,13,1,0,0,0,22,23,17,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,5,6,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,4,8,10,23,19,4,17,0,0,3,0,12,12,0,7,5,81,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336019563911205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963972178925816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911731944079176,0.0,0.1166510244356612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536942130665688,0.0,0.0,0.5356005847745685,0.0,0.0,0.16212820168282027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124049413458151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205754258637582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056176150381866,0.4755843277229214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790399780413015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692535833002934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238074420029986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369063808969084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601627385074094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442142363312792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835836532348649,0.0,0.1816218003981372,0.0,0.0,0.1521901728551756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010725183298156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086015349423732,0.0,0.14733612772765142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417470413998244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696145516990762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745338994548094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kellebelle0127,2018/02/19,"""You're not helping yourself"" Sorry if this is against the rules -- new poster. I found out I had borderline when I moved out to go to college last September. I was away from my boyfriend and my family and was basically all alone all the time. I ended up dropping out after 3 weeks because I got so depressed it was unbearable. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a few months before that, and my psychiatrist at the time told me I wasn't ready to move out, I ignored her. She was right. Now every night I have to have my boyfriend sit with me until I fall asleep every night, my best friend got married and moved away so I'm a mess constantly (shes pregnant now and sleeping a lot so we dont talk a lot which makes me feel rejected) and whenever people leave the house or are too busy to be with me I cry. I dont mean to be emotionally manipulative. I'm afraid of how attached I am to people. I never used to be like this, I think moving out brought it out. Now I do online school and sleep most of the day and never leave the house. My family, therapist and pdoc tell me I'm doing it to myself. I don't know what to do to help myself. This is so new to me. I've been depressed before, but never like this. ",1.9341511500547668,3.687631244979922,3.657022635998541,89.00246714129244,77.91566265060241,6.7762687112084725,22.964768163563342,7.686295010490155,0.9368779116465862,936,29,204,14,22,313,135,249,0.076,0.8690000000000001,0.055,-0.2188,0,2,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,10,0,24,5,3,4,5,41,39,19,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,10,19,0,1,5,0,0,7,8,6,0,0,13,1,36,4,31,23,7,41,0,3,0,0,10,11,0,5,23,143,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368812884718982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812119198444,0.0,0.0,0.061028693279653864,0.0,0.1703796381517233,0.0,0.10506368699429018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818789494513294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997075884631853,0.06456538330343152,0.0,0.17245644500318624,0.10161381591254587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346662173632053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261501141208866,0.08867147471914852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870107988015912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875753478181012,0.0,0.0506207527462153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977006400285276,0.0773479904162281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689721275992717,0.0,0.16014095892483926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342088894903114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310367138390356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502015168449848,0.081606443336166,0.0,0.21201298639167154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782149222835353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022704269941252,0.0,0.0,0.06682701267330245,0.0,0.0,0.10905372433746163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991020739477159,0.4256222462928369,0.0,0.0,0.23164275213402205,0.19338185602393504,0.0,0.18790080860242425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881317552381991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549698845155189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132092551226092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037302286631234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120696617894611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046800985799875,0.08750423238169469,0.0,0.0,0.11624031428377958,0.0,0.06414914342814193,0.0,0.0,0.11675480206877815,0.0,0.0,0.09566341809653606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646653360000557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030558058457712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shadow_Clone,2018/02/19,"How to deal with always feeling ignored? Everywhere I go or talk, it feels like everyone doesn't listen to me, or doesn't take me seriously. It's absolutely awful, I have zero support system for breakdowns and each one has been progressively worse. It's worsened by being ignored and not taken seriously. How do I stop this, or stop feeling like this?",5.504153846153848,7.432758800000002,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,68.69230769230771,8.892307692307693,33.0,9.3871,3.4149076923076924,282,13,45,6,5,95,46,65,0.244,0.5760000000000001,0.18,-0.7856,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,17,15,7,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,2,4,5,3,5,12,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21426357517852668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654748449286348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460556695170196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39060458395464304,0.3679211638088141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634519712821262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25160644729537424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449106434874456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305689828269623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922119679827612,0.0,0.0,0.19361061692327486,0.20697159305275706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624181085094721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,borderlinedeprecate,2018/02/19,"Does anyone else.... Does anyone else get curious about their significant others’ ex’s? Like, I’ve heard about you but I wanna be your friend and find out what you’re really like/what you post/what you’ve posted about them (even though it’s been like months/years) Or am I just weirdly obsessed? ",3.605789473684212,5.742156245614037,3.5542456140350893,89.88505263157896,74.26315789473685,6.665263157894738,18.417543859649122,7.554174236665415,0.26336070175438664,234,4,47,3,5,71,41,57,0.084,0.695,0.221,0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,2,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,3,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,24,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997992229025554,0.4393156720517354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37521109293605387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581742754180875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159609175278226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593960724148432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562960080829034,0.0,0.11200479957620722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142059920574385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106339182879497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373374374143829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106274454189727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805381180177875 bpd,khloweee,2018/02/19,"Extremely suicidal but I don't want to do anything stupid I'm not going to do anything stupid because I can't afford to go back to the hospital. I just can't stand feeling so shitty. When I get upset it physically hurts me. My chest hurts. I can't eat or do anything productive. I'm a fucking mess. Does it get this intense for anyone? I'm scared because this is how my major depressive episodes usually start and I just got out of one. It never fucking ends I take 1 step forward and like 13 steps back. I'm not asking for advice just somewhere to rant since no ones seems to care or understand irl. I'm having the urge to cut myself or get really fucked up on some hard shit, I don't want to do either because I know I'll regret it. ",1.5556862745098037,3.6265439150326806,3.5814640522875862,87.55258823529414,80.43790849673202,6.432941176470589,23.925490196078428,7.554174236665415,1.2055380392156865,581,21,119,9,15,197,93,153,0.376,0.575,0.049,-0.9962,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,16,7,2,3,0,11,6,2,1,1,23,35,9,1,3,10,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,4,0,0,5,9,14,0,2,1,2,13,2,14,34,3,16,0,4,0,3,1,4,4,5,9,69,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941923975207748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997608766705262,0.0,0.3522252779193069,0.0,0.1333807947662273,0.0,0.0,0.21941477535583,0.0,0.2609179730678919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546550377298625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288478215357518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485485187522803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459909721180433,0.0,0.0,0.12636668758766886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214018790140005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39569903948615576,0.22362360159941108,0.0,0.16216967930702947,0.0,0.11410931525916546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278077499791897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30547062501837835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840981940316978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970323876383266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003887245430964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335899300191645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140052481453967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284141839879586,0.0,0.0,0.12988491903541552,0.0,0.0,0.14645266176484667,0.11802128711485392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009852888285109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606204034452728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727298289596793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852851460285818,0.0,0.0,0.15713509434949194,0.0,0.1683054723309225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,accuracyandprecision,2018/02/20,"Too thin-skinned at work Hi everyone...just venting and looking for advice and to see if anyone feels the same at all. I feel like I am far too sensitive at work. I started a new job today and every little comment tore me up. The worst one that made me want to give up was when a manager I'd never spoken to before curtly told me to do a job I didn't realise I'd been neglecting because I hadn't been taught how to do it. It really plagued me for the whole day. I came home and eventually just cried. I feel like I totally messed today up and I'm really worked up over going back tomorrow. I don't know how to move forward from this. My last job I was fine because I was so comfortable with the people I worked with and I felt somewhat confident in that position. I feel so thin-skinned and overly sensitive and I was wondering how others deal with this characteristic. Really don't want to go back there at all",2.548509358288769,4.306662524064173,4.428018048128339,84.13261530748666,76.16577540106951,8.097459893048129,25.056483957219246,8.841846274778883,1.880700802139038,720,25,148,16,16,245,104,187,0.068,0.838,0.094,0.3517,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,12,7,0,0,7,0,13,0,0,4,4,34,33,15,0,3,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,12,0,1,7,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,13,7,20,4,24,20,7,29,0,1,2,0,5,14,0,3,14,101,27,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656450542345646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056272318560994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19918429174403526,0.0,0.15790720743254466,0.0,0.11021116223405833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813527577642796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422705820448009,0.08352906498864611,0.13352844152978585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091253760450893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619548699055321,0.1850568539645351,0.1243585882558419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424646363017353,0.14721730869192232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299181559506372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38558298178202005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118027634314973,0.10557530305185367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655291990180462,0.12981210244751756,0.0,0.0,0.10876337213512732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255404586636905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376582405781149,0.0,0.0,0.09989306708529068,0.12509029446580994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776545246546742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979219332686318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489196377594835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320990479665086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167424207988432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455378084653205,0.12376099170152215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278736925767106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446033810917604,0.0,0.0,0.14045787233905482,0.3771656103640782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lossofcontrol_,2018/02/20,"Who am I now? Well..... after years of therapy and therapists, my diagnosis of complex trauma/BPD/anxiety, is now being discussed as possibly being complex trauma/bipolar. I first heard the term borderline 7 years ago and I grew attached to that diagnosis. I felt I had more answers to who I am and how I work. I found community with people who also have BPD. I felt understood. And now I’m realizing how much of my identity has been enveloped IN BPD now that there is a discussion of me possibly being bipolar and NOT borderline. And honestly, this suggestion is kind of making me spiral. I feel totally lost. ",4.310442477876109,6.661279026548673,6.464787610619473,68.83983628318586,72.89380530973452,10.537699115044248,33.42389380530973,10.577609850970193,4.537722831858408,482,25,78,17,10,169,69,113,0.051,0.949,0.0,-0.6216,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,3,1,21,21,10,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,9,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,8,4,14,3,11,10,4,12,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,10,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645365704419366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212285218581404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638947849100818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6242497773917938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353796935614215,0.0,0.3172657622631272,0.0,0.0,0.14053230129696775,0.0,0.18115037302715087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204661885454933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035233937036865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028269304593163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214524727852415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453969147075405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725115200913535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893843235813212,0.19182804059176545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854866212437676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202789213735462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127868536418278 bpd,nicoolive,2018/02/20,"Help with talking to an avoidant bpd mother Tldr: have any ideas about confrontation (or reality checking when theyre being unreasonable) with an avoidant bpd parent? How to get through to them without being yet another person that makes them a victim? Ive been struggling with my moms behavior over the past few years and am at the end of my rope. Sorry this is long, but im 32 so this is a longggg term problem. My therapist has encouraged me to talk to my mom about my frustrations, but i wanted to get an opinion from individuals with bpd because i just dont think i can full on confront her without it ending in disaster. I am an only child and a highly sensitive person, which has made this ridiculously hard for me to ignore. My mom is avoidant bpd and has very few friends, no close friends, and has managed to muck up relationships all of our family members within the past 2-3 years (recently she fully cut off her sister who she already hated and my grandma because of a problem i had with them, even after i made it clear to her that i cleared things up, not to fight my battles that she wasnt even there for, and am totally fine with them). I know she is currently taking 2 psych meds (mirtazapine and lexapro) that have been prescribed by a psychiatric arnp. She is supposedly going to therapy, but im not entirely sure how often if at all (and i believe its cbt not dbt). Im finding our relationship incredibly draining and i feel like she is completely unaware of how she comes across, how her actions impact the reactions of others, and how situations she puts herself in can result in problems that she has brought upon herself, and are not the result of people doing things to her. Unfortunately shes always down (i dont think her meds or therapy are working) and cannot take criticism at all. Im honestly afraid, since im pretty sure im the only person she has, that she would consider suicide. She has vaguely mentioned “dark thoughts” in the past but wasnt specifically saying she was suicidal. She is so weak, fragile, and self loathing. Here are my biggest issues i feel like i need to address (likely in baby steps, not some full on confrontation) - Making herself the victim of friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, the universe/life/insert thing here constantly - every action (even if she brings it upon herself) is someone elses fault - What i like to call “one downing”, anything frustrating/upsetting im trying to discuss with her will be met with something worse or more difficult that has happened to her recently - Inability to not change the subject to something about herself when myself or another person is talking, one upping to boast how good she is at her job (attorney) - Talking about her job incessantly, in ridiculous detail (names of every single person, referencing law numbers, just so many specifics), even when i tell her i dont need to know all the detail. I understand her job is basically her whole life since she doesnt have a social life but it is extremely draining to listen to what comes off similarly to name dropping. - If the topic is something she doesnt care for, she will scowl, pout, act offended for seemingly no reason - Over reacting to non offensive behavior in a very dramatic way (not loud or angry, but just totally shuts down and you can see it all over her face), if she doesnt like a person Besides not wanting to make her depression worse, im also struggling with how to talk to her because past attempts have been poorly received, even for little things. A quick example... I asked her if she was going to bring her dog to thanksgiving dinner at my aunts house. This aunt (non blood related) has been extremely forgiving and kind to her, shes a grade school teacher so shes always so upbeat and friendly. I have no clue where my mom got this from, cause i can guarantee my aunt wouldnt say she couldnt bring her dog over. Me: are you going to bring your dog to aunts house? Mom: (face turns to huge scowl) oh no, no no no, i cant do that Me: why? Mom: he cant go to aunts house (still scowling, head now held low) Me: really? Why? did she tell you that you cant have him over? Mom: i cant bring my dog to your aunts house (getting more withdrawn and looking down at the ground, pouting like a child) Me: i don’t understand why not, hes old, he doesnt move around much or make noise, did she specifically tell you this? Mom: he cant come, she wont allow it (now shaking her head, i can tell shes lying to me and looks like a deer in the headlights) Me: im not sure I understand that but i guess we will leave him at home Thats just one example of many where i try to pry a bit more, just acting like im curious or confused, and it ends up turning into this weird conversation where she acts very strange, makes herself out to be the victim, but it seems entirely in her own head. To be honest, i dont fully understand bpd. I am just trying to have a relationship with my mother. At this point, id like to stop communicating with her for my own mental health, but the abandonment she would feel concerns me. I am finding my behavior to be very unacceptable around her. I feel like ive turned into an annoyed teen rather than how I communicate with others. I try to hide my constant irritation but im sure its palpable. I feel like i demonize her a bit but things have just been ridiculous lately. Any ideas you could provide would be very very helpful. Thank you!",5.464731710699674,6.367041853588518,6.046091117120866,78.68988419665767,67.7846889952153,9.23500450731572,31.604257679772548,9.394653412526091,2.80677255391443,4287,172,806,83,69,1393,413,1045,0.175,0.7290000000000001,0.096,-0.9982,5,3,3,0,1,1,142.0,3,9,4,2,48,64,17,8,36,0,97,11,6,21,13,168,158,59,2,19,43,18,7,11,5,8,4,4,3,9,40,41,1,7,23,0,2,23,39,36,0,3,19,14,145,28,125,122,23,110,1,3,3,0,147,57,0,19,39,560,185,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039477113420204636,0.028608175760846295,0.05953308675892944,0.0,0.0,0.048654618788891386,0.07502358442085807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02943866664064547,0.06369226764617159,0.03344353457465539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542185678784485,0.0,0.0,0.04030465428424557,0.0,0.0,0.07811112314285122,0.0,0.22527830544128336,0.0,0.036528897380458766,0.0,0.03647362135889255,0.03674939385804319,0.03784377931576959,0.09244749810087877,0.03750799242614823,0.07731721576544118,0.0,0.028562349375866058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03081179316598798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770581006250646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029884295015819507,0.0,0.09505450974774733,0.0,0.0,0.11814079540156458,0.0,0.06028168770439681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744842873354444,0.0,0.09044116405705724,0.10222681362068284,0.0,0.0,0.06539293779547209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105545360147304,0.0,0.05607076839590499,0.0,0.08132396101509334,0.030005241169297606,0.02861145667072032,0.0,0.03940870970714122,0.0,0.0316345214137837,0.0,0.03204616461334978,0.035319074096966635,0.11014225979980967,0.03802571813615577,0.0,0.0,0.04795664834603325,0.03779682636587836,0.035883888734145,0.0,0.0,0.16511196065595332,0.0,0.08076819513629198,0.4250585002775405,0.037338397332637344,0.10649948588635276,0.0,0.0,0.037252752493779004,0.039320526029229724,0.0,0.04035423649149096,0.03787913107615616,0.0,0.0,0.07580396291069846,0.19224918756964446,0.035854596353276716,0.0,0.031658555382617824,0.060081713991233326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676997870483786,0.11939594906717517,0.07253773438624686,0.0,0.0,0.07947292328403054,0.0,0.03605142613130567,0.0,0.0,0.33518134129056504,0.0,0.03802172954271379,0.026297749636399758,0.05305141782484273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03753842892349634,0.0,0.07272345519211347,0.05441494717940532,0.0,0.0,0.039722405882686544,0.0,0.13659999091831082,0.024800945264034074,0.18741703306922344,0.0,0.0,0.033817663238186565,0.0,0.0,0.03639466390227357,0.0,0.10269165794082306,0.0,0.03596239997958392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02291751685191407,0.036781271296488616,0.07064432914678648,0.11522253969925875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689728621066244,0.0,0.03620484465179112,0.02850696819766978,0.0651339765683734,0.0373197199113486,0.0,0.0,0.05918466752411888,0.040211082554248295,0.0,0.03646673208793886,0.030310898382082924,0.08262091279135246,0.0,0.040045673435693326,0.0,0.0,0.02856888388014562,0.029908374053993745,0.0,0.0747967745849619,0.0,0.07826113573848653,0.0,0.1348649707244583,0.0,0.053794666896318656,0.14376752786348646,0.12507099096208374,0.03293557147711725,0.08182057519131525,0.04153596603704875,0.11883212061662868,0.04584462213741418,0.0,0.028400282919356708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715184307433504,0.11673437879824955,0.0,0.14896652916633082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710205145009073,0.04220045241796788,0.028395459018361262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968404673111371,0.039940003763980825,0.0,0.06896904591031157,0.0,0.02604364397265771,0.0,0.07291281314610605,0.07623772577149321,0.0,0.0,0.04607411668665515 bpd,cactusflowers,2018/02/20,"Is it possible to love/accept yourself as a pwBPD? Like a lot of pwBPD, I go through periods of extremely low self-esteem. It affects every part of my life, so I've been seeing a counselor and doing work on my own to try to fix it. A lot of what I've learned stresses the importance of loving and accepting yourself in order to raise your self-esteem. However... As a pwBPD, I'm finding this impossible to do. Try as I might, I do still have moments where I treat others in ways that sites like ""loveisrespect.org"" would deem as ""abusive""... sometimes my natural instincts kick in so quickly that I don't even have time to think before I act, and the damage is already done before I even realize it. I've been told by multiple people that I should ""avoid relationships"" until I ""fix myself""... yeah, not going to happen... I'm a human being who craves love and affection like the rest of my species. (However, I'm also working on not taking the words of others as gospel truth - especially in cases regarding my mental health, if the person isn't a qualified mental health professional - and trusting myself more... and realistically, I've never had a mental health professional advise me to ""avoid relationships"" - if anything, they've encouraged the opposite, since I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style). So, I know that I have things ""wrong"" with me, and a lot of those things are majorly vilified by the general public. How the heck do you love yourself in spite of that??",7.131689560439563,7.470663146520149,7.705400641025642,70.20887019230773,64.05494505494505,10.781043956043955,34.64491758241759,10.550175099000144,3.800377472527472,1161,48,198,27,16,385,149,273,0.059,0.775,0.166,0.9809,2,3,0,0,0,0,61.0,0,2,0,2,10,18,1,3,18,1,21,7,0,3,2,33,35,20,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,2,17,8,0,2,6,0,0,3,5,7,0,0,5,1,23,11,34,26,8,22,1,2,1,3,14,10,1,6,10,142,40,7,0.0,0.12931556764454818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044104573552593,0.08728091561675769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981466698231817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574381443132254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169028425057063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417468461520047,0.0,0.09195694513601436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975392232925867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405596634884625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651401813155283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480389162510769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059981655996757616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709030855997019,0.1599639836393905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27836618776766103,0.3940201055769384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299687657473878,0.11578254396866025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417713296708171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819028241938913,0.0,0.07566540519401327,0.09529869121566382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304134377010703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435558768724085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697214064084761,0.0,0.2277180727392938,0.0,0.0,0.09028349125022407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794434952035284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716103969902955,0.0,0.1250219321204754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206129291954338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450183524990133,0.06993386488022994,0.0,0.0,0.06364164909810728,0.0,0.0,0.10428997485583223,0.0,0.14820067326677872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663193638067099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891352954014246,0.0,0.0,0.07753143210412995,0.11932977710630012,0.0,0.0 bpd,IVerbYourNoun,2018/02/20,"How can I best support my friend? I have a friend who was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago, and I am really struggling with how best to support her. We have a close knit but large friendship group which she is a part of, but when her mental health is worse she believes we all hate her. It is sometimes possible to go over the facts with her, and explain why for example two of her friends going to the cinema together doesn't mean they don't like her. But mostly when she believes that we all hate her it is very difficult for her to believe us when we tell her we don't, and that we do want to hang out with her, and does she want to go ice skating next weekend? Usually when she starts believing we hate her, she stops liking us too. And why would she want to spend time with people she doesn't like? This means she spends less time with the rest of us, which then means we spend more time doing things without her, which contributes to her feeling that we are trying to exclude her. Sometimes it is possible to mend a relationship with her, but it might come at the expense of someone else in the group. For example, if she tells me about something one of our friends did to hurt her or exclude her, I could offer her sympathy, which would help my relationship with her in that moment, or I could defend the friend in question and try and offer her alternative explanations. I do the latter, but this makes her think we are conspiring against her. It must feel so awful and lonely for her, and I want to know how best to help her, but when she's at her worst, it feels like there isn't anything I can do if she doesn't trust that I'm telling the truth. If you have BPD - what do you prefer your friends and family to say/do? What should I avoid doing?",8.062102272727273,5.9394164602272745,7.438295454545457,80.91806818181819,63.375,10.95909090909091,33.93181818181818,9.354420925462401,2.6456443181818186,1382,42,296,19,16,431,160,352,0.158,0.69,0.152,-0.8496,0,3,1,0,0,0,33.0,14,3,1,3,12,26,3,2,13,1,34,2,0,4,5,76,59,31,0,14,12,0,3,4,6,5,2,0,0,0,21,31,0,2,11,2,4,5,7,9,0,2,2,3,67,17,41,50,12,30,0,2,0,0,75,8,0,8,21,223,88,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759153829597465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274773020494022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34363316843154124,0.2400608376394885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206987196001385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568312280994522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217597668082966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739273343489979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667273962265655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369757516220059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188226050761769,0.0,0.11566375266135767,0.05447342944470287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35346605283441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300048850869151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258449840386008,0.0,0.08105080068953452,0.0,0.0,0.10221831269339406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162782272789718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041905324533141615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900872689888547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089785411195258,0.0,0.0,0.2491777050769185,0.0,0.0,0.07684265011062676,0.08088981538858685,0.0,0.0,0.06086248532339138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109335666126248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051669366252992566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257194735863732,0.0,0.05286255118995358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192214372870585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541810014097148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884807392756104,0.0,0.0,0.16372917344462493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063752153113198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460686882205194,0.05870142159631464,0.1508275462889446,0.0,0.053970552842017065,0.0,0.0,0.06374889898774593,0.0,0.0797136617827813,0.0,0.0,0.17305650869356573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999391028766361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065749706094462,0.0488582926723685,0.0,0.0,0.13338697881689038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353827692936918,0.0,0.07448573682201189,0.0,0.2751601770393903,0.0,0.08397924104892263,0.0629147139417231,0.17989827020175164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137608576500989,0.0,0.0,0.0735028379189099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770585508547287,0.10833244830781023,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hudsonport,2018/02/20,"Feel like I am stuck in a loop. Hey everyone, hope you all are having an okay day. I'm looking for advice on my situation. I'm fairly young, only a couple of years out of high school. Not in school, and I feel like I am getting nowhere in life. I make money outside of my job(freelancing), but my job pays me very little(like 200+ a week). I've been working at this place for a couple of months now but I am going to have to leave in April as I am moving farther out than I can travel. I keep going from job to job, not able to save any type of significant money(pay around 400/month in bills) and I can't seem to take the next step. It stresses me out beyond belief, I feel like it's not worth investing any more time into the job I have as I have to leave in a couple of months. Where I am moving the job market isn't the best so I could be without a job for some time. I want to learn to be a UI/UX Designer but no traditional schools offer courses and other courses are around $4800 to take. I want to move forward in life, but I feel for every step I take forward I end up taking 4 steps backward.",3.5196737588652485,3.678274953191494,5.031489361702128,86.89333333333335,71.80851063829788,7.798581560283687,25.453900709219862,7.554174236665415,1.0693602836879434,854,23,193,9,15,289,131,235,0.096,0.8340000000000001,0.07,-0.8245,7,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,2,6,8,0,1,12,1,18,2,0,1,1,33,39,10,0,4,8,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,7,1,5,11,7,1,0,0,2,5,25,7,42,34,4,45,1,0,1,0,3,24,0,3,17,119,29,14,0.08450086039852946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257326280523655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492696545794462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044736195489392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867843969946101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746706113063555,0.2804957843967635,0.0,0.05449606437528793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484268112893877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119561937798582,0.08074419331561279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090469593706673,0.1811022946583391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04414821191383556,0.0,0.09604757257515267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927979843021619,0.0,0.08392842084491693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5869784567421832,0.0751082473022213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894842040198206,0.0,0.0,0.11937091337362372,0.12384855626218565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095944064925139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640498047595292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023433417546195,0.26943312515303003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986762367519628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426671208768389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828541402512294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25655814602682603,0.0,0.07692640967645517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498250753521012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679545008790988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541365230314538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854626247260227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972205947479612,0.09968159360970584,0.0,0.06778149319837452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145581400394712,0.0,0.061517632770519526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544157836271188 bpd,Magehunter_Skassi,2018/02/20,"Hey everyone. Trying to gain some insight into why a friend of mine would have had almost completely relapsed despite treatment. Is that normal? **tl;dr:** A friend of mine was diagnosed and over the next year steadily improved her mental health through DBT, personal therapy, turning to spirituality, and so on. Within a few months at the end of last year, despite having made major life improvements and life becoming better for her with a bright future ahead, she suddenly relapsed and is now in a notably worse place than she was when she started treatment. Is this common? --- She was diagnosed in November 2016 after having starting displaying symptoms around five months prior as a result of what I assume to have been just natural results of mental illnesses tending to manifest around that age (18 + genetic risk from her father) combined with dealing with the stress of high school exams and sexually transitioning (male-to-female). She started displaying symptoms of schizophrenia too just a few weeks or months afterwards, although wasn't diagnosed until around August last year. After her BPD diagnosis and despite starting DBT, her life went on the downswing for the next couple of months as I've heard is common with things getting worse before getting better. From February and on, that began to change and through routine attendance of bi-weekly therapy (one DBT class, one personal therapist), she slowly and steadily improved. She avoided cutting and speeding and prostitution and hooksup, and she occupied herself instead with painting, photography, baking courses, and other constructive pasttimes. Her emotions became more regulated, she stopped having so many episodes of psychosis, she was able to apply her DBT skills in conversation and in terms of personality and temperament, by August she seemed very much like her old self. Plus, she had an important surgery to look forward to which went exceptionally well in October (sexual reassignment surgery). Then she took a massive downswing in September. I really cannot figure out why, she's been unable to as well. Her doctors said it might have been caused by untreated episodes of psychosis caused by schizophrenia leading to permanent changes in the brain, and she failed a left-side brain test that measured logic and reasoning skills. She returned to emotional volatility and expressing outright sadism at the drop of a hat, she quit her job and baking courses, her depression flared back up, she went back to cutting and prostituting and hooking up, and has started to get into harder drugs that she's become psychologically addicted to. I really do not get it. Her life was starting to get *better*. She was taking the medication she was prescribed and going to routine therapy and actually practicing it, and now she's even worse than she was this time last year. She's told me that the only things she even does nowadays is smoke cigarettes and weed and do ketamine, lay in bed, and go on casual dates/hookups for some semblance of company and usually to score drugs. In her non-violent moods, she's emotionally flat and doesn't seem to have any direction of her life beyond getting high and having sex. I've heard of relapses occurring due to trauma or stress, but neither seems to have been the case here. Can they just occur randomly over time? Could it be more of a schizophrenia thing?",9.34878892733564,10.271073359861592,8.413356401384089,65.02186851211076,59.34602076124568,11.436678200692045,40.52941176470589,11.148518509798206,5.027469204152249,2734,136,395,67,34,851,296,578,0.048,0.9,0.052000000000000005,0.4138,1,1,4,0,0,0,80.0,0,0,1,10,21,20,2,4,22,0,39,22,2,7,0,76,70,45,0,3,8,1,0,1,2,2,17,3,3,4,18,44,2,2,8,1,0,9,5,9,2,3,25,5,48,10,90,41,10,90,0,2,2,1,57,31,0,11,52,283,66,8,0.06260415209200701,0.0,0.06109262168429017,0.06824776650020345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268901516911142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04257297021041464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719290463868433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627745727013014,0.0,0.0,0.13828273485438333,0.053271522416619865,0.0,0.0,0.16610485515877016,0.0,0.0,0.07884773799764447,0.13977387634171645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286234186117166,0.13245378379802314,0.0,0.0656392623746318,0.0,0.0,0.049984321299248534,0.0692703035398023,0.0,0.0,0.06454213186776563,0.05392086446208295,0.19062568969901486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407800243123153,0.05478531537765147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520188184775776,0.0,0.0,0.21126373444500607,0.05544869685671516,0.0,0.0,0.08269890404590056,0.0,0.0,0.059820950165911074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673562521994164,0.0,0.1962485134619066,0.0,0.07115876469427737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654528617167157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322894477833329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062124960972178775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530922188595768,0.0,0.0,0.06801959442524244,0.0,0.2210958202365885,0.03058522645428704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05257172049868012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059237562414528336,0.0,0.06347078411108073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306709694185557,0.12618052131005186,0.06641311211749991,0.0,0.0,0.19988014768555887,0.0,0.0460212551136874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316045195693998,0.0,0.06133877693009649,0.0,0.0,0.06569252646865473,0.0,0.0848443873314695,0.04761327871710765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399059255607715,0.0654080143216008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658722184725002,0.0,0.0,0.08021164580214309,0.06436749505739034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059550884846075465,0.0,0.0,0.06335874419327718,0.0,0.17097740645114126,0.06530978409020492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658692464351501,0.0,0.0,0.05233987437728421,0.14342568940808656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013936945061694,0.0470705311903305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21477991176949615,0.07268824579342108,0.12477425059280553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300996906820842,0.0,0.0,0.059820950165911074,0.0695555164797093,0.04250410982600141,0.06809534024128186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689496288813583,0.0516549819131079,0.0,0.0,0.10043454916793304,0.0,0.1125773023742606,0.17410402858035354,0.1129810196201686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913969382122928,0.044472193445288785,0.0,0.0,0.16126008555800106 bpd,Spread_lovex95,2018/02/20,"Stimulation DAE feel such an extreme boredom that you feel the constant need for something? Anything? Food, drinks, sex, cigarettes, drugs etc. And if you lack this constant stimulation you feel depressed? It's difficult to describe this feeling.",6.623846153846152,10.559037025641024,5.000717948717952,73.1026153846154,76.1794871794872,7.222564102564102,41.13333333333333,8.238735603445708,4.557108717948719,200,13,26,4,5,58,32,39,0.24,0.7240000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.8525,0,0,4,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,10,5,2,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,5,2,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361593863022429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347734546720184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131133268689174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24238973925206606,0.2869432493053149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27595274327199176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004374073073589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29919646951868645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834681299926008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048569594826684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MellowKittyCat,2018/02/20,Has anyone else heard of BPD types? I have read on some sites that there are different types but some people comment that it doesn’t work this way. Have you heard of them? Do you think that they are real?,2.1903658536585344,4.401803097560975,1.9343292682926825,99.45076219512195,79.0,5.0756097560975615,15.128048780487804,5.985473137389443,-0.9277853658536592,161,2,36,1,4,47,32,41,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,3,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,0,24,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297571213809741,0.3366783382922986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41384643727268605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433056468517077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27449400861030226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278022914459145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286779959624705,0.3740063047583784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105466114737178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608187132456536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23921676014408444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mysterioussister,2018/02/20,IOP I’ve thinking about getting myself into an intensive outpatient therapy program because my life is simply not sustainable anymore. Is there a resource I can use to find a good/trustworthy program ? Searching on google has millions of results. Any insurance won’t be of help ,6.942499999999999,9.662881583333338,7.035833333333336,65.9925,66.5,9.8,45.33333333333334,10.125756701596842,5.8978583333333345,228,16,29,6,4,73,43,48,0.0,0.938,0.062,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,2,0,6,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,6,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,21,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562631458999852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737225959962562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22971729095668345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444236205368397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688259627874174,0.0,0.0,0.316074308541804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25258694606769155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617222222989434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309477397993705,0.0,0.0,0.24146293576987554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254675266597972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kilroy1138,2018/02/20,Nothing would make me happier... If my therapist (who also happens to be my FP) would just say she was proud of me. She doesn't even have to mean it but it would still feel so good to hear...,0.5259999999999998,2.4079316000000013,2.1750000000000007,97.28,83.0,6.0,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.20025000000000004,144,4,35,2,4,47,32,40,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.7999,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,9,12,4,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21527234294289604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779844500284048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611130921316456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257850560300897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380451518318333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30339838142901937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968741459396806,0.0,0.0,0.293228456490174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582965015641616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21407188301788269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497667728117129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125520760198072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5736777480907732,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_junglette,2018/02/20,"Does anyone else struggle with employment? I've always been a job hopper, but after experiencing a trauma at work, it became a huge deal. I've had huge gaps of unemployment in the past, and a couple false starts with careers. The scary part is that I can't pinpoint anything I actually want to do. I did DBT last year and feel a lot more emotionally stable. I've been working on and off as a server for a couple years, but I find the job problematic for my symptoms (eg, abusive customers, high intensity/stressful, late hours). I need out, but I don't know how to get out. Does anyone have any suggestions/advice? Thanks in advance. ",4.043884297520664,6.002277396694218,5.317429752066119,78.49069008264465,72.55371900826447,7.4846280991735545,26.97603305785124,8.238735603445708,1.8976241322314047,499,18,91,8,10,166,86,121,0.184,0.7040000000000001,0.113,-0.902,5,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,10,0,9,1,0,1,0,17,16,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,2,7,1,16,12,3,19,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,1,8,54,9,7,0.0,0.18485944248449868,0.15225404754076124,0.0,0.0,0.15246197340038006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982201990048448,0.0,0.0,0.10609967049481997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818710462612054,0.15986201293957628,0.12839203792477194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452686690322238,0.0,0.0,0.1608508612473543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27307016075198115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033557483641672,0.17550269182014855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888893547605061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260042161448278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151456393769486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484481527107211,0.0,0.0,0.1536493153335029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096536537654709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574509387250147,0.12717798715978418,0.17599855065742614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264352522688333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568763851426912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895560304996915,0.14893975522563552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043250878846296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787215962555478,0.16310708695454162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216561997988466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364322928694162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202526312467983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227170378703226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094489363916695 bpd,scarletteriversx,2018/02/20,Finally going back to therapy after my break up and... One more day until my first appointment back in therapy and honestly I am so nervous and ashamed. I feel like breaking down because last time I was there we were working through how to cope in my relationship and I feel awful and embarassed to say I couldnt make it work with even a good guy and I know he wont judge it but still so damn embarassed.,3.021269841269841,4.943902308641976,4.07347442680776,86.46777777777778,75.2962962962963,7.591534391534393,28.855379188712522,8.418075326091056,2.1107305114638453,321,14,65,6,7,104,59,81,0.131,0.799,0.07,-0.7109,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,3,8,6,1,2,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,15,10,11,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,2,3,10,3,11,6,1,17,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,11,47,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334066771714692,0.0,0.13215730234180773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981598529311814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319222580995675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192379277988504,0.15487966000704742,0.0,0.2374902710343616,0.0,0.18440722681323826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321060381652832,0.18183884975516987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146628928622085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191458382984016,0.17671830782280284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591595386705806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471353135476372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469071060812619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23275860336717166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724054977655715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731341852659504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958520144913549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641594344938714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156612697562331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sourestmango,2018/02/20,"Just diagnosed, freaking out I have read the rules but my brain is so foggy I have probably messed up, please let me corrects any mistakes? After having a big of a bad year last year ending with me having to quit my job in healthcare, I tried to get some better help as my antidepressants were clearly not working. My new psychiatrist has diagnosed me with BPD, is changing my meds around and referring me on to someone more specialised than him for therapy. And I am freaking. The. Fuck. Out. I haven't run to consult with dr Google but I studied psychology and work in healthcare focusing on people with mental health problems and learning disabilities, so all the exposure to the stigma is already there. In the past I have never thought I had problems with my identity or particularly unstable relationships. Doc told me he believed I meet all the criteria, when I don't think we even discussed things relating to those areas. So now I'm freaking over how little self insight I actually have. Nor do I think I've ever been impulsive other than with hurting myself. I have fibromyalgia and now I'm frightened I will not be allowed my pain meds anymore as this label will mean its too risky. Even though no dr has ever raised this kind of concern before. There a few bad days a month where I need morphine to even shower. And I use tramadol maybe five days a month so I can continue to live my life. I dread going back to coping before I was allowed any pain meds. I'm too scared to talk to any of my friends incase I am manipulating them without realising. I really don't want to hurt anyone and this was never something I worried about doing before. I have barely got up out of bed in 4 days. I'm too scared to answer the phone but I also don't want my friends to think I don't care or want to talk, I'm just so scared of hurting people. I've been thinking about suicide to keep others safe from me but I know all I would manage is to hospitalise myself. and the NHS is so over stretched and I don't want to deny care from someone who actually deserves it. I used to think I was damn good at my job but now I don't see how it could ever be safe for me to continue to work with vulnerable adults ever again. So now I have no career aims at all, I feel this diagnosis has robbed me of goals I have had and been working towards since I was 14. So I have 15 years of education and experience and now fuck all I can do with it. Last night was my last night of zopiclone and I have already taken 10mg diazepam and feel no better. I just keep punching myself and ripping at my skin. I wish I could sleep or even just calm. Instead of some sobbing and howling like the pathetic mess I am. I'm just so scared of everything and everyone and I don't know what to do. I don't like this. 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I saw a groupon for a discount for an online therapy service. I thought it might fit me because I'm having a hard time finding anything near me I can afford, my schedule will be changing soon, and because my weak emotional permanence means I often forget meaningful in-person conversations. I think having a written message I can always look back to directly from a therapist could really help. Also, I ugly cry and have trouble forming actual words with my actual mouth. :P I know there are dozens and dozens of therapists online and IRL who do CBT but I'm not sure that's the therapy I need anymore, yanno? Any experiences?",5.504285714285714,7.610346412698412,6.743047619047619,69.16028571428575,69.0,9.801904761904764,34.028571428571425,10.125756701596842,4.160529523809524,552,27,83,15,10,186,91,126,0.115,0.795,0.09,-0.4592,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,13,2,1,0,1,22,23,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,2,0,2,4,3,14,2,8,15,1,6,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,3,4,59,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.27034570721723594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077219392959288,0.11525744750060088,0.0,0.0,0.18839295847132528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737189024987034,0.0968544811428379,0.0,0.11398789344021246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651121427263792,0.0,0.1688776585621019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653288264302572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059475202464376,0.0,0.15215469368779155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581326114152858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549644883604028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266022560763859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240842474866222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284519214382328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612545747647123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631960264603655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088589181482048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694491142225818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270878494070562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094791891196767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873769660557483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305508678383188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6336261842272106,0.3216584044625457,0.0,0.08875626003711888,0.0,0.10996722312870816,0.08077052178106515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway314bpd,2018/02/20,"Possible BPD boyfriend broke up with me Hello! I’ve been going to a therapist for the last you few months who (based on what I’ve told her) believes my boyfriend has BPD. I really just need some support and a place to rant/vent. He broke up with me a few weeks ago and I have since gone no contact. But I feel very disoriented and blindsided. We have been very on and off for years now but when he broke up with me he was saying such mean things. He feels that I have forced/manipulates him into being with me, he feels like he can’t get rid of me, he no longer has feelings for me etc... it was very hurtful. I feel that he pushes me away everytime he begins to get close to me and we start to feel more comfortable. I’m staying strong with no contact but I feel so sad. All I can think about is whether or not he cared about me at all and I get a huge sense of anxiety everytime I think about him being with someone else. Thanks for reading! ",1.7397435897435898,3.630577769230772,2.7950000000000017,94.31916666666667,79.0,6.384615384615388,21.602564102564106,7.3871296695380915,0.5081794871794867,735,21,168,10,18,234,110,195,0.154,0.746,0.1,-0.8596,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,0,1,9,11,0,0,5,0,14,0,0,0,2,37,37,13,0,1,7,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,16,0,0,10,1,0,3,5,5,0,0,6,8,25,6,29,29,7,25,0,5,0,0,22,12,0,2,10,106,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040648914705647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039107774935078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761822914409335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303566248241862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421502089856595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848933595673674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134698452767434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148810342480534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807636533329146,0.09703809909630616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289916362636274,0.0,0.07719621015645282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454105025446614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072085686306636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636044285456014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796039760013965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841946141933323,0.0,0.0,0.10071738632465936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191507795785652,0.0,0.0,0.1531296834994648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586832563868162,0.0,0.08701718042661807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080187145049406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236127643570426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508964651143284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614228273038093,0.14477837818960526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541400533347548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505545797989553,0.0,0.15771091930223155,0.09024045796053323,0.17407076787153386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979288385925958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33622580632398713,0.0,0.0,0.10895589036496957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747107617780314 bpd,stelatois,2018/02/20,"Having trouble finding anyone as attractive as my ex gf. It's kind of a blow to my self-esteem, seems like I only get matched with people who I barely find attractive where as I always thought my ex was really good looking. I even dated two people afterwards but I didn't think either of them were as good looking, where she has told me that she's gotten with 3 guys and they were all hot. I've seen her current boyfriend and I think he's more attractive than I am. I know this is petty but I just need to vent, it's really getting to me.",2.66499007936508,4.133581312500007,4.224047619047621,86.94317460317465,75.16071428571429,7.120634920634919,24.051587301587304,7.793537801064563,1.1784789682539685,425,13,88,6,9,142,76,112,0.038,0.812,0.15,0.8965,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,1,17,21,8,0,1,4,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,4,19,7,12,13,3,5,0,0,3,0,12,2,0,1,4,57,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662818780274878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973192508644638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199163289201918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652980585534593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881503443779112,0.0,0.0,0.3352305834570317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787181594489409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810134275221806,0.10982617010344002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763113619577997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356284977470677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817792706864216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198640121580653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277086103199039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560436859116021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192572461502715,0.20847543617039452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25609724882361723,0.0,0.1586496732301317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909545231498654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521345541721447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,selfharmaway,2018/02/21,"can’t get over ex FP He was the first person I ever used that term with even though once I got my diagnosis I knew I had others that filled that spot. He left me almost 7 months ago now after a year together. We did drugs and spent every weekend together and I was around his tons of friends and the relationship was complicated but at some point he finally started saying he loved me and finally started saying he wanted to be with me forever. It meant more than the fucking world and Jesus Christ. I break down every fucking day. Still. But that didn’t make him not cheat or not be a shady person and treat me like shit. I slit my wrist and lost my job and got sexually assaulted because of being with him and I feel so fucking broken down. I still haven’t worked or gone to school or even fucking tried therapy again and everything is so fucked. I’m trying to get out of a toxic home currently and it’s fucking hard because he’s always in my head and it just fucking reminds me that being somewhere else won’t fucking change anything, he’s still gonna be fucking with my head every day everywhere I go and I’m still fucking back and fourth or whether not I should just kill myself and stop suffering but god. I don’t know. I’m just tired of it being this way. I’m tired of being worthless and abandoned. 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What does that look like for you? What does it feel like? How does it present? Do you feel like others are gaslighting you because your perception is different from others perceptions? ",4.849090909090908,8.402820575757577,3.7900606060606097,79.64509090909091,85.66666666666666,7.488484848484847,27.81212121212121,8.238735603445708,2.84791393939394,161,7,25,4,5,47,23,33,0.0,0.78,0.22,0.8156,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,3,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,4,17,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135488734312514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27654869007309824,0.0,0.0,0.6949060001318937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676742829528297,0.37819461580024905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879480702441454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22227613220781864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,strawberrybbb,2018/02/21,"Honestly I've given up I've given up. I know I will never have a healthy relationship. I know that I will always relapse back into my addictions and abuse substances again. I've been going to DBT and a psychiatrist for months now and honestly I feel like I'm just a waste of a space and waste of a life. I will have to live in this dark place for the rest of my life. I was 183 days clean from self harm and it all went down the drain today. There's no point in any of this anymore. ",3.2123855755894577,3.7668922912621348,4.468959778085992,89.23009708737865,72.68932038834951,7.827461858529817,23.45214979195561,7.957251820313856,0.8640635228848823,378,9,88,5,7,125,65,103,0.16899999999999998,0.7240000000000001,0.107,-0.762,0,0,0,0,1,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,7,3,0,0,2,12,15,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,1,9,3,15,7,2,18,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,8,56,13,0,0.0,0.2772360352384712,0.0,0.2550800936635224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946957190833152,0.0,0.0,0.15911901276321685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320519804491881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992136649686086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090209557564013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831073058330692,0.16716017991868695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298006142913646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571859954446871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305435206258021,0.1143141062155686,0.0,0.20661458580783734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867659903308304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180465005309198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244466350696608,0.0,0.221193108583054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512142008492806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440992093539681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179207827540884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690806012111166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlemonster43,2018/02/21,"Fired from my job Well she ""let me go"" whatever that means... Gave me some bullshit excuse. I was nice of course, but it was very embarrassing. I feel very numb right now and I'm scared of what I'll do once that wears off. Is there a point to living if I can't even keep a job? Is there a point to living when I can't even seem to find my interest? ",-0.19500000000000028,1.6642239736842157,1.6228947368421096,100.34776315789473,85.57894736842105,5.378947368421053,14.76315789473684,6.6274283507984215,-0.8089684210526316,266,4,69,3,8,87,53,76,0.201,0.6920000000000001,0.106,-0.8654,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,3,0,8,2,1,0,0,9,15,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,2,9,3,7,11,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,2,42,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694204612769564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312568175901478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641100439973507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159122205367422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047873629050111,0.18128440921526132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855761495672748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601916735318688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216658308190068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21720521979542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856064451729741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417629616478011,0.0,0.0,0.2041943483143412,0.0,0.0,0.18567280201777392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33656816169070475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833798711416672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,toolipcuster,2018/02/21,"DAE feel like some DBT/CBT therapists lack compassion? Or maybe the answers/questions they’re trained to say aren’t compassionate? I mostly lurk and haven’t posted (hi!) but I’ve been thinking about my experience in DBT group and wondering if anyone else felt the same. Most of the empathy and understanding I received was from other patients and from a couple of the therapists, but the rest just seemed to really lack something. Once I graduated out of group I tried seeing one of the therapists individually and it was incredibly unhelpful. Ended up going to someone from a completely different background who has been great for me. Trying to think of examples of the experience...there were a lot of demand for life changes that were pretty much impossible at the time, like finding transportation to a better job and moving to my own place within 3 months. There was another time when I broke down crying while trying to explain how trapped I was in my circumstances and the therapist just stared at me blankly for a while and then asked “why are you so sad?” I ended up walking out at that, and then basically got disciplined for it and nearly kicked from the program. Maybe I’ll think of more examples, but those were the most difficult.",8.240912820512822,8.72691050666667,7.942222222222222,68.94769230769235,61.71111111111111,11.723076923076926,35.97435897435898,11.362043627235082,4.320312820512821,1004,42,168,27,13,320,137,225,0.125,0.78,0.095,-0.8078,3,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,1,7,8,0,0,16,0,13,1,0,1,0,39,26,22,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,12,0,1,10,0,0,5,2,3,0,1,11,5,13,5,36,15,12,29,0,2,2,0,10,13,0,9,12,123,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415049715757355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278654836746753,0.12131261642635666,0.0,0.0,0.11068603229774818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471330055495352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524925468818476,0.0,0.12413792124264768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100499874906638,0.1300545081620421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237005815840934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989062336079504,0.0,0.2097307530398635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581584231133353,0.0,0.0,0.05986552398353087,0.084583466864547,0.11368052902353652,0.0,0.10821351446445973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728824188277494,0.0,0.09469359795303883,0.130534077186577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749162366192953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362792184640899,0.1156864442229993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065764093293862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378931620645114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450405570427424,0.12583820573111265,0.08703606250454562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260898747355349,0.08022946550131564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237005815840934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339243780734395,0.12045320554142565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758487116483646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415474379822633,0.0,0.0,0.09434777880892306,0.10778498035299304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031813682264068,0.09114846998083592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5498762420619319,0.0,0.22759373632827984,0.0,0.0,0.13807750822044856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24115315958097444,0.0,0.0,0.1232563653056836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683566822761084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128397446907122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,crottedefromage,2018/02/21,"Venting about drugs and shit I'm on the endless wait list for DBT which I honestly feel like will kick me out on the first day because I don't feel like I have the motivation necessary to get better. Won't they just say tell me ""are you ready to work"" and I don't know that I am. That makes me a lost cause doesn't it? I'm too broken down to have the ounce of strength left to fight this because I have no faith...at least not now. I got abandoned from my on and off BFF and FP for years a few months back (posted about it on another account which I accidentally deleted lol oops) Been using drugs since 17 and I'm almost 29 now. I keep fantasizing about shooting up today (which I've never done) and sending her a picture. It's abusive and I'll only hurt myself. It's stupid, but my BF is ignoring me and I can't really tell anyone. Sorry I know it's stupid and bad, don't be too harsh on me, I'm at work and barely holding it together. Sometimes I feel normal, it's nice.",1.973742540494456,3.385586584541066,3.695055413469735,90.25849104859337,76.8743961352657,6.609718670076727,22.804489911906792,7.285733465282438,0.6635628871838586,761,22,172,9,17,255,125,207,0.157,0.7170000000000001,0.126,-0.8215,0,0,2,1,1,2,23.0,0,1,1,7,9,15,4,0,7,1,16,3,1,4,1,31,32,11,0,1,3,0,3,2,1,2,2,1,0,0,13,11,0,5,6,0,1,1,9,9,0,1,4,4,23,6,21,25,2,22,0,3,0,0,9,11,1,1,11,103,36,3,0.0,0.17805586729895892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048256377560518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758048066743602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507846833658577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555516197472608,0.12547656529610265,0.18321718818362373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329094334014648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437777848367787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691742807474138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378744255886212,0.0,0.0,0.3485515187397514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279565107039259,0.2147184855509114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278271157884135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851449828233566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019172716344224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608766205250982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335747496480467,0.0,0.0,0.1651786552085825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327841374561555,0.0,0.0,0.1468373136212985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640471205170878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031230146620064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995114690519967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590431600928296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472413689447931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429383970675602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392560048353842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962724814898248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195077758409016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425908327660826,0.12431222033161253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486296284659172,0.16822487268132458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26270068306518113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424467812180226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297926787124853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21880958992953625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967746543951067 bpd,rock_crystal,2018/02/21,"I'm struggling so badly Hey there. I am having a very hard time today. I feel so much hopelessness. I feel in so much despair. This is a core feeling and I find my self distracting from it, but when I don't succeed in distracting my thoughts, it hurts so bad. I was with a friend all day and now after she left and my SO left for work, I try my best not to think. I went for a long walk, looked in second hand shops and I have my earphones on with loud music so the thoughts are harder to reach. But I am so sad. Scared. Hopelessly miserable and I don't get enough help from the professionals :'( Any kind words of encouragement? 😔 ",0.6876744186046508,3.001971875968998,2.125240310077519,95.14320930232564,86.05426356589146,5.610542635658915,19.452713178294577,7.03164865440522,0.2321448062015508,488,14,110,7,15,157,84,129,0.325,0.525,0.15,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,2,16.0,0,0,0,3,10,17,0,5,6,0,9,1,1,0,1,19,19,15,0,0,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,7,1,1,2,3,12,0,1,4,7,17,5,14,15,5,15,0,6,1,0,6,6,0,0,7,73,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210092045602412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29715451858421765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867430747330028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147602805910756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838655163130559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699241369753494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263918171514075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748043656159006,0.0,0.09296930420398393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594044300662936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927327793705066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19049459399362556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530310417234092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866771322380158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747637941627846,0.14942960400616712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26162118577335713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815472765484486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563621433262034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602752259697924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402044443681725,0.0,0.28253808011680986,0.10376159143049923,0.0,0.16867175395192155,0.0,0.0,0.12081347613672805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682387068567074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495748284348555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954661733783726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flavortown12,2018/02/21,"Should I even consider a relationship right now ? Having BPD is hard enough but being in a relationship would just make it worst, a girl at work has a crush on me and even as thick as I am I can tell she does . I had a suicide attempt back in October and got out of the hospital around November I'm currently on medication and I am looking for a therapist. But besides having BPD I feel it's not a good idea to date a co-worker if we break up it'll make everything worse . But I feel as if I'll give in to my loneliness and ask her out, it's been 6 years since I've been with anyone . Just unsure what to do I do like her and get butterflies in my stomach thinking about her . This whole thing makes me feel like a teenager again",2.4920588235294123,3.783952274509808,4.26746732026144,87.1761029411765,75.27450980392156,8.237254901960785,25.16830065359477,8.841846274778883,1.6494143790849667,570,19,128,12,12,193,98,153,0.18600000000000005,0.7709999999999999,0.042,-0.9718,1,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,10,0,16,2,1,3,0,28,29,13,1,4,8,0,5,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,6,17,3,21,21,3,20,0,0,1,0,11,13,0,2,8,91,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651136872708117,0.0,0.0,0.13560432913460105,0.1424062366590452,0.0,0.0,0.11713092758435573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38370388880046347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330337111378324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739567583936692,0.0,0.20122258347409025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690269904590446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310650350131816,0.10882324490007253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958515963693345,0.14612702042568515,0.0,0.12776560639630746,0.12183071919970942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645608216907296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195991478453435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883965765388654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791726248936414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050406243581086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345456297470916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270868039828084,0.0,0.1300873887904037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600740138893388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662224790119107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314149778613318,0.0,0.0,0.1768646970053397,0.10120003944829567,0.0976057135209725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006891468005714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217933824401948,0.0,0.1552353759316738,0.10820953144498306,0.0,0.0,0.09809431999613763 bpd,Frankiedoodle89,2018/02/21,"Feeling flat/not having stable personality? Does anyone else have periods where they feel empty, no emotion, hardly and thoughts, no motivation? Today was my first day at my volunteering placement in an office in a community centre. I really struggled, I just didn't know how how to engage my co workers in convo, I was paranoid about how I was coming across and that I was too quiet. I wasn't anxious before I went, just flat. Thing is im socialable most of the time, sometimes I talk too much I don't know which persona is really me, I'm different in different situations and it's really getting to me, my personality isn't stable it's broken. It's really getting me down i just want to isolate myself :( ",5.712444444444443,6.74786705925926,7.654074074074078,66.90333333333336,67.2962962962963,10.148148148148149,32.03703703703704,10.25414643259724,3.5967037037037053,563,23,93,14,9,199,84,135,0.118,0.7559999999999999,0.126,-0.1677,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,3,10,2,0,1,3,0,12,0,0,4,0,18,23,6,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,8,4,19,1,12,15,2,15,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,5,69,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869886548056176,0.0,0.11573429876220435,0.1695931388610706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084394912445644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257942710480534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067456611580738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458629535456701,0.0,0.0,0.1448462484603203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826936640741933,0.18618589768162236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738213091122298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078984822256144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295304252562285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827195604012566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787882519088177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192914432112264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167505300831415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890485275819297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241412465066467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604959241598745,0.0,0.16872514269047556,0.0,0.0,0.16370190866020395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303574713250833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303740293771255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996305596510456,0.0,0.0,0.1314031039705696,0.09651509758441547,0.0,0.1568920692904787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762702809034046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343719515503532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OptimisticFireflies,2018/02/21,"Ending relationship with therapist & psychiatrist It's been almost 2.5 months since I was made aware of my diagnosis. Actually my psychiatrist didn't even tell me, I became aware of it from reading a letter from psychiatrist to my school advisor. Makes me question why she (psych) never told me. In fact she never suggested therapy or anything, she just tried different medications on me to see which works that are not stimulants (anxiety dx) for my variety of mental illnesses. I honestly feel like this lady never actually cared about me, just about my money. Like what psychiatrist diagnoses a patient with BPD but doesn't even tell them or suggest therapy out of the 8 months of the relationship instead feeds said patient medications to see which works??!! Fuck her seriously. On to my therapist: She was the one that made me fully aware of BPD dx. First few DBT exercises helped tremendously on being conscious of my thought patterns and emotions, however, the first few weeks of being aware of dx sent me into a spiral. I started questioning everything about my life; I was scared, I still am. It gives me so much anxiety to even try to recall memories from my childhood out of fear that I may discover something traumatizing. Sometimes I question if the dx was correct, maybe I'm bipolar...idk. I certainly experience mania phases, and very depressive states, although I identify with many BPD characteristics. Fast forward few sessions go by, and I notice that my therapist seems to be giving up on me. Firstly she's a CBT therapist not DBT but has a DBT workbook that she uses for me. Either way, some of her comments like ""you're making progress but not enough"" makes me feel like she's slowly backing away as if she can't handle me. I feel like she doesn't get that making a conscious effort to regulate my emotions and thoughts is really hard for me given I've lived my entire life thus far thinking that my emotions and reactions to things were ""normal"". Plus I feel like she judges me for some of the things I say especially when I speak of how manipulative I can be. All of this combined together makes me uncomfortable with going back because I can't see myself opening up to her anymore. It's been a week since our last appointment and I haven't made another. She hasn't even emailed/texted/called me to see why. I just feel like buying a DBT workbook from Amazon is better than spending hundreds every month to see someone that uses the SAME workbook. I feel hopeless without a sense of direction. I want to get better but I don't want to feel like I wasting money to people who aren't even helping me. I've spent months on end trying to find the perfect psychiatrist and therapist under my insurance, and it's exhausting! Idk anymore, the past 3 days I've been in a depressive state with a couple of suicidal thoughts and I'm too low energy to get up and do anything to ""fix"" myself. ",7.339000000000002,7.827232520370372,7.729768518518523,69.70020833333336,63.611111111111114,11.046296296296296,36.319444444444436,10.820120047756994,4.1608888888888895,2331,105,394,58,32,766,260,540,0.142,0.76,0.098,-0.9853,2,1,1,0,0,1,62.0,1,0,1,10,19,23,1,2,20,0,29,14,0,14,8,84,75,24,1,5,16,0,8,8,0,1,12,3,0,0,21,20,1,0,18,2,5,4,16,9,0,4,20,16,72,14,70,50,10,49,0,4,5,1,37,19,1,12,33,267,93,6,0.0,0.0,0.1119633605350734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05744452123236344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621568580077237,0.0,0.0,0.06015404735531232,0.08777082525194002,0.0,0.11378481747499462,0.0,0.0,0.09441590725629513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538979572637116,0.08822299127578312,0.0,0.034970243039061925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147247066307012,0.0,0.0,0.2167542693394198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848923277604867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347522626938783,0.0,0.03699681288742149,0.0,0.0988198087050414,0.058226051511624,0.0,0.05993605191161574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935896431969193,0.10161983994484262,0.059275195812062774,0.0,0.18945101213277116,0.0,0.04833396757593845,0.0,0.05155754279696815,0.05611569685499521,0.0,0.06455355132813599,0.2030444946233028,0.24589693900888576,0.0,0.0,0.05243217725755832,0.14638840439870954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303464310430468,0.08991528952856294,0.1100628426159007,0.0652057008444325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138934692572848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690345690300864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04676156417018645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103967500976482,0.22421200086941348,0.0,0.050655898062814064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284543963699952,0.19146378114726634,0.05816088824601984,0.05763261873277421,0.0,0.0,0.11558194620115922,0.057812198963028485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831583947630514,0.0,0.0421711676182279,0.0,0.13273434027571687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056207242436698765,0.0,0.06531243387348509,0.0,0.0,0.038873199685476485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547630614150635,0.03977088664546512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927916928925965,0.0,0.057382281966139086,0.0,0.036750613946750686,0.0,0.0,0.12318085773467935,0.0,0.0,0.05456892343448342,0.04562034826149142,0.057434132176288816,0.058058221464291376,0.2285693929657484,0.05222454167151781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490874957353958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860666764279408,0.04416373276888639,0.05673719023620704,0.0,0.04060448636994416,0.0,0.045813166808300665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627499219296779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028214955585796,0.0,0.1312077740004355,0.3330361362002088,0.07622384951170118,0.036758301970356205,0.0,0.13662839307050895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054816395387226206,0.0,0.11684478849009748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909291948564423,0.0,0.04733358304098774,0.06767280003380595,0.04553506206486842,0.09203230544580204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352915200401352,0.0,0.0,0.05529950729181838,0.0,0.08352736569065294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,decapodcrustacean,2018/02/21,"I can’t fathom how it feels to be intimate with another person. this is not a pitty party. its a statement. i was driving and green day's 'boulevard of broken dreams' came on. in that moment it became clear im attached to my pain. its means something to me. i'm not as good as i should be as a thriving human so for me to say 'well ive gone through pain' gives me an excuse, a reason, allows me to believe im profound and worth something. so here i sit trying to understand what it must feel like to desire intimacy with a fellow human. to want them to know you. and to be willing to play along in getting to know one another. I wine that no one cares for me but I don’t care for anyone. so of course I don’t attract anyone to care for me. im self absorbed. im so bored of myself. so i should really try to understand someone else instead. but i hate myself to much to share myself with someone as i get to know them. wow can i get any more useless? ",0.3847489823609251,2.4909879203980125,2.825918136589781,91.0750237449118,85.21890547263682,5.047580280416102,21.076662143826326,6.351523495107088,0.3209582089552239,736,24,157,7,22,253,113,201,0.114,0.715,0.171,0.8409,0,1,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,2,0,9,15,1,0,6,0,14,3,0,3,2,30,34,15,0,5,4,0,2,1,1,4,2,1,0,4,9,8,1,0,10,3,1,3,6,5,1,2,3,4,25,10,36,24,2,9,0,1,1,0,12,3,0,0,3,110,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975749815789221,0.2459660992189802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401613232289208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321394954825601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414225046898404,0.3587381663762262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563881525463076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797617015625744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860515865063635,0.0837880873593479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838289691037117,0.11251000247448384,0.0,0.0983726941802186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579418593124118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067496480556147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933695213573227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729929414203201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775722974066647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621762004887985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589500575800033,0.0,0.24959800535758103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024083224563876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513546929761683,0.12058802435194114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932693609177361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235333730585213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874959311571008,0.1805827131123725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592569860357478,0.0,0.0,0.24419465142914426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917745097525572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545287235489922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fuckinegg,2018/02/21,"Impulsive behaviors? I don't know if I'm just filling the void of boredom when I'm by myself because I feel like my identity has been formed by external sources in my life, but when I'm alone I tend to binge eat and binge smoke (I go through 1/2 of weed in a few days). I end up spending all of my money on food (more specifically pints of Ben & J's Half Baked) and drugs because I buy everything on impulse. I'll literally be down to cents in my bank account. This has been a huge problem for my boyfriend and I (specifically because I spend all of my money on weed). Does anyone else struggle with impulsive behaviors/ addictive personalities? How does it affect you/ how do you deal with it?",4.275869565217391,5.531986586956523,5.354318840579712,81.25408695652175,70.81159420289856,8.998260869565216,31.91594202898551,9.3871,2.834388985507247,551,25,111,12,10,182,91,138,0.084,0.88,0.035,-0.7572,0,1,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,7,6,0,3,2,16,14,9,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,5,3,0,2,0,8,2,1,2,0,1,2,1,17,1,21,11,5,15,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,5,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297223535293198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118355255228388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216124886386972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301491883174236,0.20956923961211427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740460587900172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190750045092187,0.21086555875724533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579781393793713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23719448879657004,0.20928932989015794,0.17086190027645765,0.0,0.18115640290604992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382195840582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341852900209632,0.14611912063837382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473233080375133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624137786830745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124065298121919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446840327058968,0.09992497426663308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859118754199532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195711401914404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138233315085948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rollafosho,2018/02/22,"How do we manage relationships? Hiya, I have BPD and have recently started seeing a new guy. He is working away for 5days at the moment. He's busy through the day so can't message which is fine but I'm feeling myself brewing up and over if I don't hear from at night (his WhatsApp isn't receiving my messages and I am feeling pretty enraged) . I feel nuts! How do people in a relationship deal with this? I'm also going through anxieties because I am still to tell him the full extent of my diagnosis and what it means. I have mentioned stuff but haven't completely opened up yet. I keep thinking he will leave me as soon as he realises how much hard work I am. How do people manage?? ",2.4041942728804067,4.567698919708028,3.9375182481751834,85.60269511510387,78.05109489051094,6.55115103874228,26.59685569904548,7.61054688173877,1.569658506457047,540,22,106,8,13,179,93,137,0.06,0.86,0.08,0.5722,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,2,9,2,1,0,5,0,16,0,0,4,0,20,28,15,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,6,15,1,16,27,3,20,0,0,1,0,17,9,0,1,9,75,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398596808854666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379057321721138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431516000561588,0.0,0.0,0.10661148162413744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202681651065507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336911431295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127897519297536,0.1803041827148228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652893169352362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993941673439353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316885750719302,0.0,0.0,0.15666732454015256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711403809585396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554505023107252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851835373502068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905067682667084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856446712644087,0.0,0.0,0.16891010672196946,0.0,0.16412266531484496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424937765541132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792627261023278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268303672056898,0.3755333852314723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936489724014114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378822897088347,0.0,0.13966759069621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002075100804737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528617992826244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206261937241167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546443901603645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,splitblacksplitback,2018/02/22,"Have you ever apologized to someone you abused, split, or smeared? What made you realize you needed to own it and apologize? In my experience the only ones that have ever made a sincere attempt to apologize have been actively in recovery. ",7.1014285714285705,8.965137714285714,7.850952380952383,63.710714285714296,64.71428571428571,12.266666666666667,40.19047619047619,11.855464076750405,5.907704761904763,192,11,28,7,3,64,31,42,0.068,0.718,0.215,0.6322,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,2,8,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,1,5,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,2,25,8,0,0.0,0.3490816471257807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330091380191633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881991232698588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5575613189912686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846020339501668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996450671725233,0.22407507501100826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496342339991041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MrsGoldhawk18,2018/02/22,"DAE Sweating Bullets Anyone else feel, despite years of treatment, that Megadeth's ""Sweating Bullets"" is a very relatable portrayal of having mental health issues, i.e. going insane and the like ""here I come again!""? It's fine, this is fine.",7.4599186991869875,9.569185073170726,6.1448780487804875,75.34869918699188,64.12195121951221,7.417886178861789,35.61788617886179,7.793537801064563,3.0476276422764235,192,9,27,2,3,57,35,41,0.064,0.784,0.152,0.4003,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452839834545248,0.3594308784111689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021787854850833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293044165341423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737246550120944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936485255308048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.372878624937253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661387854636354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713806918531818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535187989016955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28944256963940745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259004447174833 bpd,Andre-Nigguhtina1995,2018/02/22,Tired of being angry What do you do when you get livid as fuck? I get so angry lately I want to self mutilate and or beat the shit out of someone. I have an amazing girlfriend I don't want to lose. But it's so fucking hard to change. These psychiatrist and therapist just prescribe you these cocktails and don't really give a shit about the side effects. Sorry about the shitty punctuation and grammar. ,3.585274725274721,5.817158333333335,4.4890476190476205,82.72500000000002,74.64102564102564,7.021245421245422,26.52747252747253,7.957251820313856,1.7503934065934064,322,12,59,5,7,104,54,78,0.242,0.58,0.17800000000000002,-0.7340000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,3,6,6,4,0,5,0,6,5,2,1,0,11,13,10,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,7,1,9,12,0,4,0,1,0,2,6,2,4,1,2,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275036933416585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976367881416953,0.22471869228729568,0.2063039961702852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265044186360686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259569233803474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24059578593670755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377721734007031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435322972011096,0.0,0.4415095329617029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221862232332733,0.0,0.0,0.2407407181231974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496998410516736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24717845278278225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25369450301640345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Armandocat,2018/02/22,Tips for overcoming boredom The past several days I've experienced high levels of boredom accompanied by feelings of deep sadness and suicidal thoughts. I also turn to drinking when I experience boredom. I honestly don't know what else to do.,6.248571428571428,9.380650285714283,7.328809523809522,61.220357142857154,69.95238095238095,10.866666666666667,43.83333333333334,10.686352973137794,6.326790476190477,200,14,27,7,4,67,34,42,0.29600000000000004,0.642,0.062,-0.8834,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,6,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,1,6,5,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463099003067672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19863646461622575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017256973274032,0.0,0.0,0.2572969974603782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30128605041386786,0.0,0.0,0.1557355791487402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254220965334381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927040240581054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940237296696397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479557380691008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369053081675898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24451999012550105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350188356938268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MyBunnyisMean,2018/02/22,"5 year relationship is over...and I didn’t cause him any trouble for the first time. Yesterday night my 5 year relationship with my best friend, my partner ended. He was my first boyfriend and he was with me during a very important part of my life. We had many ups and downs and yet, I will never regret meeting him and spending all these years together. For the first time in all these 5 years, I didn’t freak out or cause him any trouble. Usually, even during a slight scare of us breaking up I would break down and cause all sorts of trouble for him. He would handle it so well, I’m amazed he put up with it for so long. Breaking up is biggest change I’ve been through in my life and I was so proud of myself for being a normal person and saying goodbye to him as best as I could. In the end, I was incredibly grateful for him letting us spend our final moments together in person. I’ll never forget him. Hopefully, I will learn from this long term relationship and I hope this is the start of being a better person with better control of emotions. I was selfish, cruel and manipulating. I put myself first and him second. I noticed far too late how special he was. I took him for granted. Some things you just can’t change back or fix and all you can do is deal with it as best as you can and move on. Thank you for reading.",3.001889683350356,4.686105104868915,4.0368147769833165,87.73681562819206,74.73033707865169,6.502485529451822,24.495914198161394,7.1686216300943375,0.9335258426966287,1041,33,214,11,22,337,135,267,0.08900000000000001,0.735,0.17600000000000002,0.9762,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,4,4,0,11,10,21,1,1,8,0,26,2,0,6,6,45,32,22,0,7,3,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,4,8,19,0,1,1,1,2,4,5,8,1,5,11,1,39,13,38,13,10,47,0,1,0,0,33,14,0,6,26,159,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261125501949742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129990932400061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291927942234827,0.16401570276715804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857627842692393,0.19618180708538085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399912944650773,0.07403347943140616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559554812167004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043033023962226,0.1642539040857843,0.0,0.0,0.0612440806690923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157585885044376,0.0,0.3154878279468229,0.0,0.0,0.07163921339582574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419397300562468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459799710269133,0.0,0.0,0.0948177382966702,0.1309890176310261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411766258468027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400873849723676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855214972005913,0.0,0.0,0.14303068907522554,0.0,0.0,0.08701626281613814,0.09085095010123066,0.0,0.10556818683130592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041229096654757,0.0,0.0,0.2428920478535531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642875375245974,0.0,0.0,0.09275023305887413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986562978627804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373875329630833,0.09283404149086323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656313315714864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536885119026848,0.0,0.0,0.061602463030545423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813754999170253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302104269481814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22307385371678407,0.0,0.10212364195225897,0.07650795172547885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337103698848579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317385585367867,0.0,0.0,0.23884780100924474 bpd,rainbow-rolls,2018/02/22,"I'm not sure how to distract myself when FP is gone. (FP = Favorite person.) Since I have the social skills of a brick, all my friends are online. My current favorite is going away to visit a friend for the weekend and I probably won't hear from him since he won't use his phone if there are other people around. Some preference of his, I don't know. We haven't missed a single day of talking in the 6 months since we met. He isn't even gone yet and I'm already useless because of the anxiety. I just want to lay in bed and listen to sad music like someone broke up with me or something. I have to work tomorrow, so I can't use my typical coping method of ""get drunk and spend money on things I don't need."" I dunno what I'm afraid of. Maybe he'll get in a car crash. Maybe he'll meet a girl there and stop being my friend. I can't lose this one. I feel like there are a tiny handful of people in the world who don't play video games (any talk of them and I just tune out, I don't find them interesting at all) and I finally found someone I can click with. I hope the weekend goes by fast. ",1.7563562753036452,3.054732863247864,3.2823886639676125,93.46524291497978,77.2051282051282,6.122896986054879,21.717498875393616,6.5966054737557815,0.2294991452991449,846,22,197,7,19,279,137,234,0.114,0.76,0.126,0.5705,1,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,2,3,11,16,0,2,12,0,19,2,1,3,3,35,41,12,0,5,5,0,2,2,3,4,0,2,1,2,5,13,1,1,5,6,2,5,11,7,0,1,4,5,28,9,28,32,4,27,0,5,1,0,27,11,0,5,13,117,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702734376890184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967662639006157,0.0,0.10885616792059598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667374512212304,0.0,0.0,0.13369192028523202,0.0,0.0,0.08674241440836943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176924711918456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398526733800293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07194921071396593,0.10165640046897843,0.0,0.15587848074212424,0.13005610635670914,0.0,0.0,0.156020387618935,0.32981296556332385,0.0,0.14868773425877313,0.0,0.08087018323146965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037810672679514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133218758330582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820224457958737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903742585531986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919299778321236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859112241212469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357943211290952,0.0,0.0,0.10551079476780603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642355624267204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973004721148636,0.12424751258892848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341932060865604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531265457874681,0.0,0.0,0.14505300868250606,0.2411341381283249,0.10954653090000344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896595589842993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411244063689334,0.0,0.0,0.22874451614864635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453524150174926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457963782910419,0.0,0.0,0.0839299580810774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359329446302287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Fading_Siren8888,2018/02/22,"At the end of my rope. I’m so f#%ked To take care of myself is stressful to the point if pushed hard enough I don’t become more independent and stronger, I become violent and anxious and shaken from the stress. I haven’t worked in yrs. My therapist thinks I just lack confidence to handle life. Nope. I just cannot handle shit without fear of harming others or killing myself My boyfriend handles 90% responsibility. We are pretty poor too. Imagine the stress I have foot and leg issues so I’m always achy I wake up anxious and angry and depressed because life didn’t turn out how I wanted. I don’t shower or ever brush my teeth. I’m not in love and I’m sure he isn’t either I always think “What’s the point of it brushing or showering ? It isn’t gonna be rewarded with a million dollars and without money I’m stuck being poor” I can’t multitask well or handle responsibility so I explode and trash my apt and scream. I always fear I’ll attack someone in public No family to turn to. Nowhere to go until I get SSI and can brave breaking up. Still no clue how I’ll cook or clean or handle roommates. I lived once with roommates. Cops ended up coming twice. So far my only solace is knowing I’ll commit suicide in a few yrs with 100% certainty. I just wish I could have money and a nice apt, a good tit job and facial fillers, clothes and braces. That way I could enjoy life more until I off myself. Maaaaan I’d feel a lot better with new tits and a face lift. 😊😆 I wish I was like a lot of you on here that at least have a goal or job or marriage or money or whatever that makes life worth fighting for even if you are struggling now ",1.6334855136084272,3.838122179104481,3.2580201931518893,89.2533691834943,80.94029850746269,5.3740122914837585,22.091747146619845,6.522977012572876,0.4857251975417034,1290,41,263,12,34,426,185,335,0.175,0.649,0.17600000000000002,-0.0926,4,0,0,0,2,3,27.0,1,2,0,4,17,25,5,6,13,0,21,15,9,4,3,61,44,35,2,8,19,0,2,1,0,1,4,1,3,0,7,22,1,0,5,1,7,3,14,14,1,2,3,5,33,11,33,36,9,28,0,1,0,3,8,15,3,14,9,165,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478010448868171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242930251197991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293362239884402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605138918094784,0.2192711836263827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779598849922968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121208194852027,0.0,0.0,0.08551206237198923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851756628315222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855008529098664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584699063285875,0.10257214347495804,0.0,0.06556670503314994,0.08979513299811916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358264468869436,0.22341203729267656,0.05019374642288266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051864324538928926,0.0,0.0564172619826186,0.08326272015135801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892615863577663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361178270377394,0.19701973264351694,0.0,0.10982722242065276,0.0,0.05455603466913548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804685183536402,0.04849816438165338,0.0,0.08765696971167873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879110941728054,0.08959478603489154,0.0,0.0662633000567795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587530130888383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057189978109868,0.0,0.07549908520125075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876839192517584,0.0,0.0,0.10099297980642334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018989273721902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411090033517302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927691599370308,0.0,0.34113934084459063,0.10377825119540067,0.0,0.1085849469923388,0.0,0.09356052374561308,0.0,0.07463846516266068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525978067784545,0.0,0.12721603942240953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159538697274156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855184499455585,0.07879567254518137,0.0,0.0,0.08925538812586926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283105271657572,0.19138490960080706,0.0,0.072269528766056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ausrya,2018/02/22,"How can I stop idealizing an abusive ex? Our relationship lasted a little over a year, and a majority of that year he was extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative. I was somewhat aware of it while it was happening, but the fear of abandonment and idealizing him kept me around. He used my diagnosis as an excuse to break up, telling me that he thought it was best for me to work out alone. I know I'm better off without him, but I am having a really hard time remembering the bad or our relationship even though it was the majority. Have any of you had any experiences like or similar to this and have advice on ways to stop idealizing what the relationship was? I've tried writing down all the bad things, I've tried talking it through with friends and my therapist, I've tried looking through our pictures and remembering how I actually felt during those moments, and it helps for a few minutes or an hour at most, but then it goes back full force to loving him and feeling like none of that ever happened. 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The second is fuzziness and chaos, like 4 different news broadcastings playing in a loop symphony, buzzing through my mind at a rate of little comprehension.” -hbf ",9.900283018867924,12.807676339622645,8.502028301886796,57.707004716981174,59.18867924528302,12.09245283018868,47.21226415094339,11.698219412168324,6.93341886792453,278,18,34,9,4,85,42,53,0.066,0.8009999999999999,0.133,0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,4,2,7,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29129629135084106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371549784482165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621210074431442,0.2794400823012601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8445534919865448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213433758441637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mr_Yorkberry,2018/02/22,"IOP discharge triggering feelings of abandonment So I've been in a DBT-based intensive outpatient program for the past five weeks due to some BPD buffoonery that occurred near the end of last year. Up until now I've been making great strides impulse control and combating my self harm issues, but my discharge date is today and I can't differentiate between being abandoned by the group and completing the group and I feel like they're all going to leave me behind and none of them really ever cared about me in the first place and my brain is just yelling at me to cut or try to kill myself or do ANYTHING to get readmitted so that they can never leave me behind and it's making me feel like I never really learned anything from this group or else I wouldn't feel this way",10.7892,7.632680986666671,9.736,69.78800000000001,59.13333333333333,12.933333333333335,40.333333333333336,10.864195022040775,4.205733333333333,628,23,115,11,6,198,100,150,0.126,0.792,0.08199999999999999,-0.7255,1,0,0,0,1,1,3.0,0,0,2,2,6,9,2,0,6,0,9,1,1,4,4,29,18,14,1,1,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,3,5,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,2,5,15,4,21,14,3,22,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,4,16,79,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593712011336329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848285041205235,0.17592589270141396,0.0,0.0,0.1606765533410358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652332486120364,0.0,0.17675393540396353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164871880751378,0.0,0.1395806104682853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425518791746249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187349976104563,0.22516892290437626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404851429629452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233583133399656,0.0,0.08956372628433949,0.0,0.0,0.17374682459804655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644861345588212,0.0,0.0,0.1743532908506464,0.0,0.0,0.12845931811877012,0.0,0.3337364373546752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398394630740975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103890851991677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430908538574864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504403381775785,0.0,0.0,0.1646511295318517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20191620583366526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440385526857895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937972487912482,0.0,0.0,0.10699529354594436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508997778731812,0.12641158836602456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148471678477217 bpd,eidolonhex,2018/02/22,"Took a break from my relationship I have always been scared of being abandoned. Despite that, i was the one that initiated the break because i felt that we needed some time to reconsider out relationship. I want this relationship to last. My first ever long term, serious relationship. I really really hope that he's the one.. I really dont want this to be another attempt of mine to isolate myself from my loved ones..",5.478225108225106,7.474863597402602,7.038376623376621,67.45851731601732,68.87012987012987,10.847619047619046,29.71645021645022,10.864195022040775,3.8465774891774895,335,13,56,11,6,115,51,77,0.114,0.76,0.126,0.2433,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,10,13,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,4,4,1,12,2,9,7,2,10,0,1,0,1,7,1,0,2,6,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150343497768635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572060332822372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634081212751787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522380821810105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295785280797735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174490870174395,0.0,0.0,0.1344302711886586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697116369659894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288251575339824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398620164314299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263889151549594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718598940876974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212796339599965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30373686478472545,0.0,0.0,0.6787109748975647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822740870065452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215544235520856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559025079011445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864342923472823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WigglyLemniscus,2018/02/22,"I read a post on another sub and I'm assuming someone I know wrote that about me There was a post on another sub and I feel like someone I know wrote that about me. It was a post in which someone in a relationship described their partner as physically unappealing. There's not much information to go on but I feel like this post is about me. I've been analysing the grammatical style and comparing it to the person I'm assuming it has been written by. There are some similarities but I'm not sure. If I link the thread to said person and confront them about it, I will probably look paranoid and crazy... How should I handle this situation? ",3.0328133333333334,5.395648008000002,4.520500000000002,81.20608333333338,76.92,8.326666666666666,28.016666666666666,9.075114841892004,2.519626666666667,511,22,101,13,12,170,69,125,0.061,0.8959999999999999,0.043,-0.2484,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,8,4,1,0,7,0,9,0,0,1,1,24,22,10,0,2,5,0,2,2,1,2,0,1,0,3,9,5,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,4,13,3,14,12,2,10,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,4,2,68,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245586495796674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565025840840033,0.2211211103527123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879536587370452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010406697205094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512158105337063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995939948721705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376638659510845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702608769883641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5928690956523152,0.0,0.16685742543528845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548018526062244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615429301159892,0.0,0.0,0.14721217339125667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395669312108936,0.0,0.0,0.39338286709613496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585944244008348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oshaaloctus,2018/02/22,Scared about thr future It's been a year since I graduated with a degree in a field I don't want to work in (design) and 6 months since I got diagnosed with BPD after I went to the doctor with severe anxiety. My symptoms are much better with medication but the biggest problem in my life is Idon't know what I want to do with my life and feel constantly as though I'm wasting away my time. I could do anything but there's nothing that I want to do. But I also want to work and become financially independent. I'm losing my mind. ,3.593055555555555,4.819189787037036,5.189814814814816,81.8991666666667,72.42592592592592,7.992592592592592,25.537037037037038,8.472884824447931,1.6239592592592589,419,13,85,7,8,142,67,108,0.202,0.779,0.019,-0.9295,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,5,0,8,6,0,1,0,21,18,9,0,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,1,13,1,17,14,1,12,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,6,56,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307947860408775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730459281162773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694275510913445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634939020204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378878954063835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717773841446766,0.0,0.0,0.20958987164759746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798320670146827,0.0,0.13286630347993927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890450232042942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032955727147767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414282027400333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309474073680924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145558853791023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350831907776034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617226886065866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764240914083015,0.0,0.0,0.16802850744309247,0.0,0.13282833332381278,0.0,0.12233184105582375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967663696834822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923364483866442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666072704501555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799799822039165,0.0,0.27531516729024136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296560708101047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634987759379497,0.0,0.09703607506443626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39261603057724254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426543162035528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229958525179676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716376110558723 bpd,VonSchnooby,2018/02/22,"Well, fuck. I was diagnosed with BPD back in 2015 following a heavy addiction to drugs. In those years, I was arrogant enough to try and take this on all by myself. From doing a plethora of drugs, I've come all the way down to just smoking weed. I've reached out and made friends, and made it a point to try interpersonal relationships. I was doing really well, well until I realized something: I'm still fucking everything up. Even though I meditate and read and shit, I'm still fucking everything up. It is still hard for me to maintain a relationship. I just got into university for comp sci for this fall from my local CC, but also got rejected by a girl. I think I scared her off via love bombing. All of this has led me to realize that if I ever want a real interpersonal relationship, I'm going to need to face the real reality of BPD. I think I've done well on my own, but I could do so much better. I'm not even sure what this post is.. ugh..",3.68891548242334,4.872638523560211,5.4846409872849655,80.03985602094242,72.1413612565445,9.22677636499626,27.25542258788332,9.606745405546679,2.358651159311893,742,26,154,18,14,255,112,191,0.097,0.785,0.119,0.4951,0,1,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,16,15,4,1,8,0,11,10,2,3,5,32,31,12,0,4,6,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,4,1,0,5,1,7,4,0,8,1,17,8,30,22,6,26,0,1,0,4,7,12,4,1,7,106,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484617556984884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842477153032969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100703017900977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317280421434043,0.0,0.0,0.26536725304661585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074900552454884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411276198549471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692721803690247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107808805661518,0.0,0.0,0.2443432462468985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088538827935328,0.0,0.13916430295870952,0.0952943806345756,0.0,0.0,0.1893621317941427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139252877847218,0.2921809069738065,0.0,0.0,0.059872376800698526,0.0,0.16851475439454258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09437218840787118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508176399116362,0.1993679161168892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744378191065918,0.0781150951865409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958904365418472,0.0,0.10089541014578064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537770664430954,0.2398209016124755,0.06748939363833975,0.0,0.0,0.3393168373354127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547292516904212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081394374844777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110295925114325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25239601599779765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929037203354277,0.0,0.07920948576734196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500702408666398,0.10350505180920368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305037980993984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062137686280666765,0.08362128949722887,0.0,0.0,0.3788863224883925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784142928086821 bpd,Welcometothefunhouse,2018/02/22,"Anxious/Insecure attachment style Insecure attachment styles might sometimes translate into borderline personality disorder, when children receive unpredictable and inconsistent responses from caregiver. Sometimes these children feel supported& other times, this support is withdrawn. Accordingly, they develop an anxious, rather than avoidant, attachment style. That is, they vigorously seek the support of their parents, or other key figures in their life, but also dread rejection . ..are sensitive to subtle cues. Anyone else have this attachment style ? It’s hard for me to relate to most borderlines because i am not avoidant. ",11.534093406593405,15.649561241758239,9.204491758241762,49.33113324175826,57.46153846153846,13.341208791208794,50.935439560439555,12.161744961471696,8.61393296703297,527,36,50,20,8,157,73,91,0.151,0.7240000000000001,0.125,-0.6833,1,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,4,0,3,8,0,4,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,9,5,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,6,3,9,8,1,5,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,3,2,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601910349410996,0.0,0.21704013735902936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525956100470398,0.0,0.14006420765499994,0.20524536695130186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221095563056534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295772005588024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673366448489568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128477811861147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944200001494548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414877035247248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250150064754847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22242499353652406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490645998033547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962313397727269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546279110360904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680470538540873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AllInTheGameYoO,2018/02/22,"Sometimes I wish I had schizophrenia. I know, I know, I shouldn’t even joke about this because schizophrenia is serious. But that’s exactly the point. Isn’t BPD just as serious? As soon as I was diagnosed, my father told me that he was glad I was not schizophrenic, or even bipolar, but rather just a borderline. To him, the BPD label meant I was nowhere near as crazy as, you know, the properly “crazy people”: those who create entire realities in their head and cannot differentiate anymore, or those who experience mania to the point of putting their lives at risk. While it is true that many of us are in touch with reality and can even pass for sane people, we have a war on the inside that is just as irrational as a schizophrenic’s. There is always the sound of our own voice in the back of our minds telling us we are worthless and waiting for all hell to break loose. There is that inexplicable urge to hurt ourselves in any way we can because it is the only way we know how to cope with our intense emotions, or just to beat boredom. How is that any saner? So, I find myself wishing I had schizophrenia because, in a way, it would be easier to justify those actions that are directly caused by the illness. I try my best to survive pain, I take medication and I have been in therapy for three years now, but sometimes the devil wins and the box opens. Most importantly, people would believe me when I would tell them I felt mentally ill and wanted to die. There would be no doubt in their eyes if I had schizophrenia instead of BPD.",7.151148989898987,6.6987993232323255,6.985401936026936,78.04254734848486,64.18518518518519,10.25328282828283,34.05071548821549,9.673873057562805,2.9852493265993263,1217,46,238,21,16,386,160,297,0.185,0.7020000000000001,0.113,-0.9829,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,9,1,4,4,20,15,2,2,15,0,31,10,2,3,3,51,43,25,2,10,13,1,2,0,0,5,8,2,0,0,16,13,0,1,7,1,0,3,5,10,0,1,11,5,36,5,38,25,4,26,2,2,1,0,22,13,1,6,6,176,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860575613450927,0.0,0.0,0.1406645638282511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256942287575756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952714167264606,0.0,0.18914004834413764,0.0,0.0,0.11652411952380312,0.1085377482263651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39077903019682897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624556489536194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497380287477914,0.10733841735355427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633876655993218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493294000623768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116911497358087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930384549743244,0.0,0.09452822056174646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614348866529033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071818492292264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273578451985244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132582614895632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485632220039676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418941454394877,0.10422768194217877,0.0,0.10442937384944484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865907699266528,0.11005107785139144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510480823396289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553937395872806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039702999070716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045791692515996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776243595792377,0.0,0.1807953368988826,0.0,0.1182750559756798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882664776841127,0.0,0.07021852175256461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488141448733389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061002515079653874,0.2462809260628333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237866396482772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938795044155426,0.0,0.0,0.06660205843581704 bpd,grossko19,2018/02/22,"To my childhood cat Thank you for comforting me while I cried myself to sleep, thank you for hearing me when no one else had the patience to, thank you for never belittling my sadness, thank you for never judging me, thank you for being my shelter when things at home were too much to deal. Thank you for making things a bit more bearable for a frightened child. After 14 years by your side and now 3 away from you I still find myself calling your name in moments of need. I have never and I'll never trust anyone as much as you. You were my one and only friend and I'll never forget you. One day we'll meet again.",4.704193548387097,5.240725387096777,4.824354838709677,88.08153225806456,69.3225806451613,6.845161290322581,25.177419354838708,5.985473137389443,0.6731322580645158,484,12,99,2,8,151,73,124,0.078,0.7390000000000001,0.183,0.9063,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,12,0,0,6,10,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,1,5,14,15,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,3,1,25,9,20,10,4,20,0,1,0,0,20,4,0,0,16,78,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849363272011828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412731943089235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261640089088592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403690291969148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334317286693519,0.07833964952824896,0.12523271166651492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147460409477246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110235739186241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384927574029632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690822434953506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184672252601825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108377096195639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785923831580762,0.09007024622117632,0.4684350212005393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693852808363706,0.09238523476871603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156012698393175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700801640569688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6710127994332217,0.0,0.0,0.16140173140348674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822424365908152 bpd,zombielobsters,2018/02/22,"I hate seeing happy things. How do you deal with happiness being a trigger? Not like my own happiness, but like seeing other people happy or happy situations. I don't think I get upset at every happy situation but there are just a lot of things out there like for example seeing a parent just idk doing anything with their kid or seeing heartfelt scenes in Disney movies or even seeing two people who look like they're on a date or flirting that just remind me of things that I guess I wish I had in my past or about things that I don't think I'll ever be able to experience like a ""normal"" person. I feel so irreversibly damaged and have kind of given up all hope of developing healthy relationships with people and getting enjoyment out of anything. The only topics I feel comfortable engaging with are very depressing stuff most likely because I can relate to it the most but I don't think that's going to benefit me in the long run. ",9.477140883977905,7.352950491712707,9.597285911602214,66.55239295580111,60.65745856353591,12.143922651933705,35.33218232044199,10.686352973137794,3.7040878453038673,753,23,130,14,8,251,109,181,0.112,0.616,0.272,0.9905,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,10,24,1,1,8,0,12,0,0,2,2,36,31,12,0,3,12,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,8,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,2,8,17,20,22,27,5,14,0,2,6,0,8,8,0,10,10,97,29,0,0.09408079890865996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484096259648888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057350781788314424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969931726008112,0.08103165424208374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213948038202322,0.08510146884027013,0.07926713075213071,0.0,0.0,0.09202907402259684,0.0,0.0,0.09514015747986787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830666877599628,0.0,0.05346828611265311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364060676094444,0.0,0.0,0.6009045591816939,0.0,0.0928853113143429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093443461368228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979706745199758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757787568523579,0.0,0.0,0.08325854648407602,0.07900417622859364,0.0,0.0,0.07998413087093596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217920768549703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155268701320057,0.0,0.0,0.10446559347615818,0.0,0.08981076802260672,0.19567134025783794,0.08214772474146116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010075692717934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748510802405268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21150151960857186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077000061164838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25001240943781305,0.1808495313735243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190327005901014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762651203797774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081882757159528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,milfnncookies,2018/02/22,"Should I get another opinion? Wondering should I get a second opinion? I tried to tell my therapist my symptoms of BPD and she just totally brushed me off and said I was doing fine. She just glossed over when I said I dissociate sometimes.",3.0613333333333337,5.868421355555558,4.177777777777782,81.14000000000001,79.8888888888889,8.044444444444443,33.44444444444444,8.841846274778883,3.4795777777777768,191,11,34,5,5,62,32,45,0.0,0.945,0.055,0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,10,9,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,11,1,4,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,1,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885646468765464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465969010168345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28755475774117706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5235445597964202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721736605447654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860316814238618,0.0,0.0,0.2405314716703896,0.0,0.0,0.3195211603039563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18683849556484905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984358884973145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,csg1234,2018/02/22,"Invitation to complete an anonymous online research survey regarding mental health treatment preferences Hello, You are invited to complete a survey for a WMU psychology department research project designed to assess treatment preferences among adults seeking treatment for a variety of concerns. We hope to learn if and how preferences for treatment change over time, and if patient’s perception of their treatment’s match to their preferences is related to the benefit received from treatment. The survey is open to anyone ages 18 or older who is currently engaged in mental health treatment for at least one month and four therapy sessions, and not longer than one year. If you choose to participate, you will be asked to provide some demographic/background information, respond to survey items about your preferences for treatment and how they have changed over time, and about your quality of life. The survey may take between 30-40 minutes to complete. Your responses to the survey items will be anonymous and kept confidential. Clicking the “SURVEY” link below will take you to a page asking you to read through a consent form explaining the purpose of this research, the content of the survey, the type of questions you will be asked, the amount of time it may take to complete the survey, and the risks and benefits of your participation. At the end of the form you can click “AGREE” to consent to the use of the answers you provide and to begin completing the survey. Thank you for your time and interest. https://wmichcas.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_afS6lEMGYYG0JjT Project Title: Treatment preference, retention, and treatment outcome at a university-based outpatient psychology clinic Principle Investigator: Scott Gaynor, Ph.D. Student Investigator: Chelsea Sage-Germain If you have any questions prior to or during the study, you may contact Chelsea Sage-Germain, M.A. at Chelsea.e.sage@wmich.edu or (269) 387-4497 or Dr. Scott Gaynor at (269) 387-4482. You may also contact the Chair of Human Subjects Institutional Review Board at 269-387-8293 or the vice president for research at 269-387-8298 with any concerns that you have.",12.05735632183908,12.405996919540234,9.683908045977011,60.06856321839082,53.94252873563218,12.101149425287357,46.3448275862069,11.429527900616536,5.784458620689657,1760,94,233,38,18,523,173,348,0.006,0.925,0.069,0.9619,1,0,0,0,0,0,61.0,1,18,3,0,5,7,0,1,27,0,19,5,0,3,0,50,31,24,0,11,10,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,4,15,0,1,15,1,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,2,22,6,56,19,8,27,0,0,2,0,37,13,0,17,12,162,26,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173608115428844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560177794998513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021011615896352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321723988359901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24270264832808916,0.0,0.6013728847836507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160182055642422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438694724228226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393606195879764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102530492827192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312077904551756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915629584154974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15546522651645947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570100090254664,0.0,0.11474421370091305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25875008438091074,0.0,0.0,0.10561247536876557,0.13118450803343035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675606893076998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990753481747005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738715209038921 bpd,Ice-ickle,2018/02/22,"Put too much pressure on myself. So, I have done this for a lot of my life. Make an impulsive decision and got almost obsessed by it and so overwhelmingly focussed that I throw all my energy into it. I wouldn't call it an obsession, I'd call it an addiction to impulsive thoughts. It is very strange to me, it's not something I can really put into words that well. I try and convince myself I'm a stable human being and then go and do something so odd, so off-the-cuff, so erratic and abnormal that I question myself with an equally abnormal amount of guilt. Money is weird for me. I'm not in any debt other than UK student debt, I have money. But I seem to spend it so impulsively on frivolity and even things I already have that I again, question my sanity. I find it difficult to find something/someone and not put all my energy into them/it. It's not like afterwards I pine for days over them/it either, I forget and don't care. I feel like I am not in control, as much as I'd like to be. My parents call it laziness but it's much deeper than that. I have a hard time with some (not all) personal hygiene issues. I don't find the motivation to do such tasks but do find the motivation to do much more complex things. I get exhausted after one of these outbursts. I give up quickly and move on quickly. No medication stops that. Thanks for reading, guys. I know it was erratic. I'd love to have a conversation with some of you.",2.603287197231836,4.4267085259515575,4.5564622837370266,82.98464498269898,76.19723183391005,7.945799307958477,26.78491349480969,8.726425361277474,2.0935759446366777,1120,44,225,24,25,383,144,289,0.133,0.7929999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.8057,3,0,3,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,3,13,16,0,5,10,0,20,5,0,4,3,53,34,22,0,1,10,1,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,3,23,16,0,2,14,1,5,6,10,8,1,1,4,2,31,8,35,27,14,25,0,1,0,1,13,10,0,7,12,167,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152939091548255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163087411176813,0.0,0.12302068473385976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758100580349285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34149989036561423,0.0,0.11366104270425235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250340275687485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189522122164739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408249706496648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363132856550163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636751508144516,0.07964116117049089,0.0,0.0,0.4075619156207279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824357223720353,0.10694154172458284,0.06335651534887883,0.0,0.08916054609665852,0.0,0.0,0.11038248693847244,0.0,0.0,0.09986396603685213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635590368101838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612663593804666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874144970658202,0.1633901356460007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947761034366122,0.10061483377814304,0.0,0.07441360391449206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230412761022078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848533993157465,0.327801795718299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554156893149047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378507817806572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733982444270277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362038421910352,0.2497656839142064,0.0,0.11150992569852268,0.0,0.07141678738038858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148698451669794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944564369276763,0.17164512776030633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932020691643478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026355831057858,0.0,0.0,0.1481243949224745,0.0,0.0,0.08850247519836249,0.06500474320717252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568743774997135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198247520131747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023369034656404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nineteenninetysux,2018/02/22,Can't decide anything I can't decide to do things because of how bad my splitting is. Either the thing is all good or it's all bad and it's really affecting me. I just want to be able to do things/decide without going through these whole arguments in my head. This is so frustrating. ,2.722758620689657,4.559711965517245,4.192620689655172,85.66444827586207,75.89655172413794,7.398620689655173,25.393103448275863,8.238735603445708,1.6508993103448275,226,8,45,4,5,75,42,58,0.215,0.718,0.067,-0.8818,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,8,1,1,2,2,12,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,7,9,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,36,11,0,0.2933994392206998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414427392262579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899525528930416,0.17885357491380005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667456627018538,0.2460895293762141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30111247038070243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795919368679453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898431007079718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730545909697172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275699959918818,0.0,0.28282658942535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aayahuascaaa,2018/02/22,"BDP and Medication - Does anything actually help? Hello, Some background - I was diagnosed with autoimmune encephalitis in April 2017 and was recently treated with intravenous steroids. The treatment did improve some of my symptoms such as rage, violent outbursts, and intensive crying episodes. My anxiety is also reduced. The feeling that was there before and stayed though is loneliness. I feel extreme emotional pain that is easily triggered by seeing a family have dinner in a restaurant, hearing someone talk about their cousins, a facebook photo of someone with their child. I don't have any of that - no family dinners, no children, no nephews, no cousins in this country. This causes me severe emotional pain. Sometimes it can be paralyzing. I could be at work, feeling OK and just doing my job, then I overhear a conversation of two coworkers and someone mentions seeing family on the weekend. I then get an intense feeling, sort of like grief (that is what a psychologist told me whom I used to see). I feel tearful and even physical pain in my chest. I can't continue to work, I can't do anything, I just want to stop exiting because the pain is so strong. I have already tried tons of medications which did not help at all - Abilify, Cipralex, Mirtazapine, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Olanzapine, Trazadone, Cymbalta, Pristiq, Sertraline, Latuda, etc. I was now prescribed Lithium by a psychiatrist but my family doctor is not sure whether I can take it because of my autoimmune disease. Has anyone experiences such emotional pain and did anything help you? Any medication? Thanks",7.358601634683723,9.853961466417914,7.219232409381663,66.03465174129353,64.93283582089552,10.477896233120116,41.866382373845056,10.608840637214634,5.461029282160625,1275,78,178,36,21,405,162,268,0.136,0.7509999999999999,0.112,-0.8324,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,2,3,11,14,2,0,11,1,27,14,1,3,2,33,42,16,1,2,6,3,5,1,0,0,11,1,0,2,11,11,2,1,5,1,0,0,9,8,0,1,8,9,25,6,24,31,5,17,0,1,3,0,19,8,0,3,9,132,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.08678378157687669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813751792281918,0.07111805089660635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095219507561485,0.0,0.06803193554645462,0.0,0.0,0.06218259000863378,0.0,0.21954779046167164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842296690948472,0.0,0.07567369083557351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135658577687772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100412950550904,0.0,0.09768647587429506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902630452019316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102459861048244,0.07782407616952884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001060566681377,0.0,0.0,0.09918152030856396,0.058738055656335074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699153643879037,0.3353447509318881,0.0,0.22483080928777996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646275239552749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002316472122971,0.0,0.17882562941526156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825024847260643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344717150632127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26876573707903856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4731440198689829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780858726920007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259936657315665,0.0,0.0,0.1004666635768382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260527233766268,0.0,0.08795498636720987,0.0,0.0,0.09478856314140124,0.0,0.07435025868086828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381637064463086,0.09243331110685517,0.06686500897995741,0.07147933128870176,0.0,0.08187567317117007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737420968773453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849773365390641,0.0,0.06037827943153759,0.0,0.08687261880109025,0.0,0.0,0.07680778997128501,0.0,0.0,0.05245378013631287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294855857335361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,meansertralinequeen,2018/02/22,Cosmetic surgery I'm worried my cosmetic surgeon will refuse to do my boob job when he finds out I have borderline personality disorder. ,6.74625,9.417887791666667,7.773333333333331,60.70500000000001,66.91666666666666,13.133333333333333,45.33333333333334,12.161744961471696,7.169733333333332,113,8,17,5,2,38,21,24,0.272,0.728,0.0,-0.7269,1,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,9,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5163088214049829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117462801190197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44704895897112296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39335677928276896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575017751032988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilxpoltergeist,2018/02/22,"Am I a monster? I read a post in another group and someone had posted links to scans of a journal that had allegedly been written by some kid who got caught planning a school shooting and while reading it I related to the things this kid was saying way too closely. It kinda scared me, I feel this exact same way a lot of the time, and I’ve also had thoughts of doing something horrible like that before... I never got as far as planning or even seriously entertaining these ideas/feelings but they’re there regardless of that. Point is I feel like a horrible monster now since reading that and now I want to see what others might think about that.",6.979131428571428,6.861372056,6.950285714285716,77.03800000000003,64.44,9.702857142857145,35.457142857142856,9.23628265651192,3.1466342857142866,517,22,95,8,7,165,85,125,0.085,0.845,0.07,-0.4124,0,0,1,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,1,8,0,9,0,0,0,2,21,19,10,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,14,5,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,10,5,8,3,12,8,3,14,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,5,7,68,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476312578686267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670495366095162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339570598829762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130400626978024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25562204462150445,0.12038870511982196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695571620151141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465796137473068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432672778917711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877009454488066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997083587242167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593032020945148,0.0,0.32278574676697114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056883412629162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401162315691467,0.1687150925160785,0.17054838010960316,0.13428637229929485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939915045408915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427840574500377,0.12973275607416854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119553246040644,0.1079790027753376,0.0,0.1337838152085841,0.0982637212509367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939579728897892,0.26752218299108504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,predecessorboy,2018/02/22,"URGENT Need for Help with Productivity Hello, I'm 17, a boy, and I have strong BPD tendencies. I just thought maybe a quick description of my circumstance might be helpful. Anyways, I've been stuck in an absolutely vicious cycle, where I get home and waste the day aimlessly on my phone or sleeping, and I don't get any work done. I'm in the process of losing my FP after a year and a half. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I don't care about school. I'm starting to fail all of my classes, and I am an AP student, I can't let this keep happening. All of my attempts have felt futile and it honestly feels hopeless. What should i do? Any techniques you might recommend? I'm willing to try anything. Thank you for any help, i really need it guys.",2.4909366130558155,4.586014370860929,4.011130558183542,85.51531456953646,77.47682119205298,7.2281929990539275,28.0042573320719,8.192908349453996,1.9725436140018928,594,26,120,11,14,197,96,151,0.152,0.693,0.155,0.0956,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,0,6,5,8,1,0,8,0,17,1,1,1,2,21,34,7,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,2,17,4,15,23,2,9,0,3,0,0,9,4,0,3,5,76,21,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325156899658814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164195392085398,0.0,0.0,0.2682532181144741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527978098900304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617882911012874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511485199299564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679501905982916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241247337889883,0.0,0.1564956413716296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031074864857934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613853964143966,0.1441312250372467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277456161443236,0.0,0.16349192626315665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487270574728714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666679783097333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823437472312603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637450287001337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458125611843365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417095470180168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441535484203314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649542455120622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310737708314774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153649258387716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005898784453692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939559018546512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065928557740948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865841942459453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496000229773007 bpd,___laurieee,2018/02/22,"Obsessssssive Okay so is anyone else scary obsessive with their FP? If so, to what extent? I swear I’m the walking red flag that they warn us about in health class about toxic relationships lol.",1.9800000000000004,4.747337000000002,2.1555555555555586,90.29500000000002,95.66666666666666,5.7333333333333325,17.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.5476444444444444,156,4,29,3,6,47,33,36,0.198,0.687,0.115,-0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,5,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,16,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862676001480244,0.41948688835175385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34200785867954125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351815703738058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43955098660016895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924674275459194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WeWannaKnow,2018/02/23,"Help me deal with his pettiness and desire to cause pain My husband has BPD. I love him so much, but sometimes his tendency to cause pain to those who he thinks caused him pain is so hard to deal with. I need help. My husband hasn't been working as much lately. Less contracts coming in. Therefor, less money entering our house. So I took more hours at work. He knows they're needed. We barely could afford last month's payments. We made plans together and after a few hectic months, I promise him I would make it work but my superior asked me to take a shift Saturday at the last minute. I had to say yes. We're behind on our bills. So I told my husband about it and told him we would spend all of Sunday together. Instead of agreeing and be understanding, he started a war. He called me unreliable and told me he will never believe my word again. Told me our relationship is failing and it's all my fault. Told me he wants a divorce (he says that a lot, only to go back on his word and tell me how much he loves me) He said to me: 'I'm not doing anything Sunday but I won't spent the day with you just to spite you' When a loving husband should have been. It's ok I understand. We're gonna spend Sunday together instead. Thanks for working 60 hours a week for us. No! Just, him hurting our marriage because he feels rejected. I don't know how to handle it or talk to him. He doesn't understand our situation it seem, and just go into his dark place ",1.4790783410138282,3.758874074829933,2.95904981347378,90.73948321263993,82.06122448979592,5.834364713627387,22.06890498134738,7.1029339738359605,0.683084178187404,1134,37,238,15,31,370,161,294,0.129,0.7440000000000001,0.127,-0.4370000000000001,1,1,0,0,1,0,33.0,9,2,0,6,15,16,2,0,9,2,18,6,0,8,3,54,51,20,1,8,8,4,2,0,0,6,3,3,0,0,9,16,0,0,8,0,5,5,7,9,0,0,12,5,46,7,28,31,10,31,0,3,0,3,59,7,0,3,19,149,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296334943594797,0.0,0.08288936212126917,0.0,0.0,0.06817754685411201,0.0,0.054049071536067465,0.0,0.0,0.09989455739738656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166986549286312,0.0,0.09053639339766847,0.0,0.0,0.2732486730823854,0.0,0.07637663746519076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079140858049582,0.0,0.0,0.05718128364521617,0.18281846422813897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044831447952727525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078018575860276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942599898656565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885992438996484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746333941960045,0.10230695761846736,0.0949172079043947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745540841563984,0.1445468436779051,0.10001744624820344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537940855192059,0.2400695867440484,0.08389651745181433,0.059184258984047125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154235602425774,0.0,0.19553588342046316,0.131487243769462,0.0683835477383954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743336670193957,0.2830359180055688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263555742926488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519251816664563,0.0,0.0,0.08434026732562565,0.14101917815849435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071685362864782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966264109097032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769148245286211,0.0,0.06275720720736687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666468842592357,0.07126518670898575,0.07749670296944808,0.0816303822415531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568126475564079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42361376675651263,0.09850954975788656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27690869260064976,0.1066525066994996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229663411243027,0.0,0.07112133385966309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581953209985166,0.0,0.0,0.1259694694185482,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,comawhite_,2018/02/23,broke up with my bf/fp he told me he didn’t have it in him to try for our relationship anymore. i feel the biggest hole in my heart and at the same time so empty i’m hollow. i have invested so much in him and now i lost the only thing that mattered.,-0.5306547619047599,1.293616767857145,2.1678571428571445,96.14380952380957,86.67857142857143,5.161904761904762,18.261904761904766,6.42735559955562,-0.2682166666666661,193,5,48,2,6,67,43,56,0.13699999999999998,0.863,0.0,-0.7555,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,6,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,9,0,8,4,2,8,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450266875203442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759104119355215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122672030770552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797776574735937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557490286501524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645962121777861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735180514698381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311315594705857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028652698068048,0.0,0.0,0.3324366069562222,0.0,0.23620357104094375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pbrkween,2018/02/23,"Excited Hello BPD reddit! I just wanted to share some exciting news! Last October, my psychiatrist told me about a place called Portland DBT Institute and told me to look into it. Well, I haven't seen that psychiatrist since then due to life becoming overwhelmingly busy and my mood plummeting to extreme depression, but now being unemployed for a month to start trying to focus on treatment for once in my life, I decided to look into it. I noticed they had an option for ""self-referral"" so I went ahead and did that, and after submission it said the wait was *9 months* I freaked out mildly, because I have barely been able to survive the past TWO months, but it was whatever, I figured I would tell my therapist about it and maybe admit to a hospital if need be. So I got to therapy, and started talking about how I didn't know if I could handle the wait, and she said she was surprised I was able to refer myself, and she wanted to put in her own referral for me, which could get me in much sooner. She said she also knows the person who does intake and could email him as well. This was so exciting for me! I have had decent treatment in the past, but haven't really had much of any since 2015 and things have spiraled considerably. Idk, I just feel like I am finally on a path to be able to heal and get my life back, like I finally will be able to live happily and not a prisoner of this disorder anymore. Also, if you're in the Portland area and are currently receiving care for BPD, the Portland DBT Institute may be something to bring up with a provider! As far as I know they accept most insurance, including OHP. Thanks for reading, I just had to share this exciting news!!! ",6.797856169052488,6.499782616564418,7.29112474437628,75.04670074982961,64.85889570552146,11.293524199045672,33.75528289025222,10.864195022040775,3.6132391274710285,1327,51,252,33,18,437,172,326,0.035,0.807,0.157,0.9915,3,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,2,2,16,18,0,1,14,0,30,4,0,1,0,53,57,29,0,10,10,0,1,2,0,3,4,3,0,1,13,17,0,2,10,1,0,4,4,3,2,1,20,7,39,14,46,26,5,35,0,2,3,0,25,14,0,7,19,182,52,2,0.3819399120720368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271860484645913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493305937166123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946954406148874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342205415990227,0.0,0.05820675634025443,0.1054556563471674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240519974407131,0.0,0.09750083841693563,0.0,0.0973532988295529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287109557920144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224107165140243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943405723918154,0.0,0.08355954772547175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048280073888482426,0.0682144873748665,0.0,0.2091982522997523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997739200345553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636805963974655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574281403123763,0.07783300129492687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233159140120124,0.09329827425412243,0.0,0.08431498495579451,0.0,0.1603666660578029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959274944724364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22864559542244134,0.0,0.14038489097123902,0.07080090131459052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871028034367658,0.0,0.10168838529661642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823024317373172,0.0,0.08337379977803183,0.09976147908721658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598877603599283,0.0,0.0,0.0955108176091312,0.0,0.06117012195093556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724842398052301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961165657270098,0.0,0.0,0.15797232106206816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350900105221679,0.0,0.0,0.13516951779926326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674720842419272,0.08345807945850864,0.0879097389476012,0.10919539396194294,0.11086541898294644,0.0634359765656754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247997683009026,0.0,0.06482803227565738,0.0,0.09327494901363967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263902793099285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170492504610546,0.08851553124575377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782978878613732,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BarelySurviveTheBpD,2018/02/23,"What is wrong with me Im want my life back. I know only i can do anything about it but that doesn't get me out of my bed where i cry myself to a sleepy unawareness. All i want is death because this life is broken I am broken Yesterday was all wrong. I'm stuck inside my head Crying randomly all day. Just wishing i was dead. The feelings are so strong. They push and pull on me. I have to act all happy now. I cannot let them see. Why does this happen Why do I get so sad Then in just one moment I become so flipping mad I remember being happy Carefree with all this joy Now I can only fake happy Just get used up like a toy Everyday I cry for her The girl I used to be Everyday I lose more of her She is so far gone i cannot see ",-1.1750793650793625,0.8344002222222251,1.5494356261022943,97.69388888888888,93.07407407407408,4.567195767195766,15.121693121693122,6.18269132825596,-0.6529492063492066,564,12,136,6,21,194,98,162,0.277,0.54,0.183,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,13,12,1,0,4,0,19,3,1,2,5,22,35,7,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,6,4,0,0,3,1,0,4,3,6,0,1,4,3,28,6,13,28,6,19,0,2,2,0,6,6,0,1,10,91,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998625594554212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102772051667095,0.0,0.08147453566126976,0.14761088186248764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44043953909996425,0.08619608813077341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696194357922475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757972526009867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094868615870166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819022279111137,0.4268330649508609,0.0,0.0,0.1371680645349664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443697828191657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345301151977357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366707698729471,0.188808235738756,0.06529683193835226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495251851516521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056774042159972,0.20330052243174573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140448109954785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213010646079424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308691304602677,0.0,0.0,0.15766576038643976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24120477451386574,0.0,0.15369606573953815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922604035111964,0.0,0.0 bpd,aljel7777777,2018/02/23,"I dont know what to do so i kinda need help My english is bad so dont judge pls Lately i have been hearing voices and i never had them before so im pretty much scared and i feel like everyones tryin to do something bad to me or dont like me so i push them away...i even think my boyfriend hates me and is trying to hurt me...we had a lot of fights in last few days and im scared that he will leave me...i cant control it... it comes and goes whenever it want it feels like im a tottaly different person and it scares me i dont know what to do or at least how to stop it a little just so i can have my relationship back to good and friends to like me again... sorry for my gramar...",-1.828852813852816,0.05679009740259744,0.9855844155844196,101.05790043290042,96.07792207792208,3.972294372294373,14.476190476190474,5.622346879071545,-1.0651653679653679,521,11,134,4,21,179,85,154,0.184,0.6729999999999999,0.142,-0.7115,1,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,11,14,2,3,3,0,17,0,0,2,1,24,27,15,0,2,3,0,2,4,1,1,0,2,0,1,9,8,0,2,5,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,3,4,19,6,12,23,4,12,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,4,11,84,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654573541191073,0.08719981204227921,0.18937332997593004,0.0,0.0,0.09649749533583704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097686536678083,0.0,0.0,0.12719096877229094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313547371935647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848186931026927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316293064390544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490153036210596,0.0,0.0,0.10836130821407483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146798034087752,0.16203007517861862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761478103128423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951169523967287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196186261669533,0.0,0.0,0.12781328362043015,0.0,0.0760115576491979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140012468550646,0.0,0.3674836997667899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464651030245745,0.0924384799807286,0.12792338410847473,0.120077272069616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216116689165462,0.11365947419973288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964110702259626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336416248725255,0.0840867959592983,0.08746328937783797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990190175565182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537149441177215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217522494572141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34060818783131985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730307464851157,0.0,0.12694523574685704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480988255039152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726639842167367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769931091439741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688795469285387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Andrs_96,2018/02/23,I don't ever feel worth anything to anyone. I don't know why I even still crave intimate relationships with people. Not like it'll ever happen. Sigh. I don't know.,0.4245454545454557,2.8793241818181805,2.717333333333336,87.33600000000001,95.06060606060606,5.064242424242424,15.690909090909093,6.742157984588678,0.10306545454545456,130,3,25,2,5,44,24,33,0.14,0.8190000000000001,0.041,-0.3971,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,2,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163525225009938,0.0,0.254624958900914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436791883849467,0.5597732703930516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645122764618594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736176476047811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400964943952847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116618895450915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451174218059052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332199538716828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24710191438437934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27920195695954403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,doublekupkarl,2018/02/23,"Attention span/focus/memory. Is this normal? So it seems it’s impossible for me to focus on anything. Wether that be conversation, work, video games, doesn’t matter. Within seconds I find myself zoning out and I keep trying to fight the feeling and focus, but it never works. So I just stop whatever I’m doing and let myself dissociate. Also, I have little to no memories. That includes what I did earlier today, yesterday, last month..forever tbh. I don’t have any childhood memories or anything similar to that and it scares me. I don’t even know who I am. I’m just surviving, day after day, but for what? 🙃",2.480590185676391,5.1631096982758615,4.87793103448276,75.98324933687003,81.32758620689654,8.051989389920426,24.440318302387272,8.841846274778883,2.5146970822281167,479,18,81,13,13,167,79,116,0.102,0.851,0.048,-0.7757,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,6,2,1,1,1,0,11,0,0,0,1,20,17,10,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,5,2,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,1,12,0,10,14,0,13,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,9,61,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341628641728894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597026475768752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774816652024085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958318982841663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514877855063813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115969522763527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096276586915001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20386256907653386,0.0,0.0,0.12604831787502824,0.1869561350770619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23453253023577564,0.0,0.0,0.22987543732548515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830701463877183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689384925645926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472064388308766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22962583830824976,0.0,0.0,0.2087975165147048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917522790555049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174031158756036,0.0,0.0,0.15571798796480313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33394848396985505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SadtongueSoftwhisper,2018/02/23,"Can body dysmorphia be connected with bpd? I've always sturggled with self esteem issues but I never really realized how bad it could be until other pointed it out to me. I've lost around 40 lbs which feels like a lot right? I fail to feel or see the difference in my body, let alone there are days where I think I look even fatter. I constantly down my looks and my body and I'm self aware of that but I genuinely feel the way I do about myself. Its like I physically can't see the change. Everyone else tells me this or that, but I don't see the same thing. I literally /can't./ When I was a teen I weighed around 130 and I thought I was disgusting. I was embarrassed of my body and now that my body has matured and I've put on more weight I wonder how I could have ever felt that way about myself when I was so small. Anyone else feel this way?",1.2819570707070724,3.423114897727274,2.705151515151517,93.08328282828285,81.8409090909091,6.638383838383841,19.436868686868685,7.793537801064563,0.5450148989898986,666,17,150,12,18,216,104,176,0.138,0.8240000000000001,0.038,-0.9598,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,14,7,1,1,6,0,17,7,5,2,2,32,32,16,0,2,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,10,2,0,9,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,7,11,27,2,15,20,3,22,0,2,5,0,3,10,0,4,10,101,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007111552422556,0.0,0.0,0.08843113432827368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431148110574716,0.10889353863916533,0.0,0.1892184592644577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873701300391786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.590249988451722,0.13385239821609576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242717333686413,0.0,0.0,0.11484788485650495,0.0,0.16970737395936872,0.0,0.0,0.0685399943414113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103704179516924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756190721646478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019508052797446,0.09613380127362388,0.0,0.10155240780036018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494775864509907,0.07592444453492139,0.10204276722743014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092577287300348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867562550537373,0.0,0.1038433318406927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849214310510306,0.0,0.11601410536085377,0.09035306495851636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196751937427638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046629473771893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068379281672201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808388818838168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090760138093467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25406747789053785,0.0,0.22174057111722087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289094690423896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060584151005095,0.06809813095832032,0.0,0.08437221620886008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25307365575722257,0.0,0.12941698407104107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525307719695005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kennydontcare67,2018/02/23,Self care? I've just recently been diagnosed and I'm kind of overwhelmed by all of this. Can anybody share your techniques on how to deal with episodes of crippling loneliness in a healthy way? Can they be prevented with self care? I've recently read that a creative outlet is highly suggested. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. ,4.207714285714282,7.4026712,4.2728571428571405,79.69500000000002,78.66666666666666,8.095238095238095,31.904761904761905,8.841846274778883,3.3894761904761896,272,14,45,7,7,84,48,60,0.055,0.634,0.311,0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,8,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,5,9,7,1,6,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,26,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21270940369352548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802640382835586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438681579465308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244132751034525,0.0,0.22093545258083605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299854945875423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266749230237908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177338168599522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298554281080115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541648104841142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004058124447807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278021236919636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463001133180654,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skbailes,2018/02/23,"The light at the end of the tunnel I was just looking through my old posts on here from 6+ months ago and MY GOD my life was so different. Looking back, I blamed EVERYTHING on BPD. I was in an EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE relationship. I was living 6 hours from any kind of support. I was depressed for GOOD reason. I didn’t really want to kill myself, I wanted OUT of a bad situation. So one day, I fucking LEFT. My boyfriend at the time got arrested and instead of bailing him out, like I easily could have, I LEFT HIS ASS IN THERE. 💖 I moved back home, found an amazing job, rekindled and patched up old (healthy) friendships, worked hard to get an apartment all to myself, and now I’m in a loving relationship with an amazing man who takes care of me and loves me despite having a personality disorder. LIFE GETS BETTER. but what I’m really getting at here, please, everyone, really analyze the type of people/situations your life involves. Don’t blame yourself or your BPD, it is NOT AN EXCUSE TO BE MISTREATED! You deserve love and happiness and emotional stability. You CAN get better, life will get better, love will find you. Sometimes it takes time. For me it took half a year, 3 moves and ending a horrible relationship. You’re not always the problem. Take a good long look at what surrounds you. Nothing but love for you all! Xoxoxo",3.5807548784662764,5.84965253937008,4.7445155768572445,80.71642074631976,74.78740157480316,7.881958233481685,28.36631290653886,8.716276077567194,2.3966664156110924,1051,44,194,22,23,345,153,254,0.097,0.6609999999999999,0.242,0.9912,2,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,7,0,4,10,22,2,0,17,0,15,11,1,1,2,26,41,13,1,4,6,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,1,2,6,11,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,9,5,29,17,29,28,2,35,0,1,3,7,22,16,2,1,16,123,35,3,0.0,0.1001527577938576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492964514673874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703346993837919,0.0,0.0,0.057482455092694874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299947968538793,0.07057798343598423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22427645593322584,0.0,0.0,0.21292202710824326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618270388377526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748933631414819,0.0,0.0,0.054514057004792366,0.0,0.07280449671897071,0.0,0.0,0.08831456267582659,0.0968772816456579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016695441464715,0.1497347829508435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077085212798052,0.07596899861654083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725775483962563,0.0,0.0,0.09268142184409804,0.0,0.07814547610396562,0.22081394028353346,0.0,0.0,0.14179742610199406,0.0676053708424807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998243632185697,0.07572116539532173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478923785886057,0.0,0.08324380111164058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388175082848907,0.0,0.09351854843842602,0.08802369541088005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836814891067116,0.0,0.2388206506638938,0.04129648219208277,0.0,0.07464044330056499,0.07480529221601523,0.2129486066705179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814525284788961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747004940264689,0.17968138815093446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110762451892913,0.0,0.17739742771042785,0.0,0.05727887507664814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380725239229452,0.0,0.09278719445001413,0.0,0.0,0.08095518571910391,0.0,0.0,0.08088260700853181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624538635058016,0.08690964303826203,0.0,0.2722567611789034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501386732397787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360110456649407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592223459955362,0.0,0.0,0.1906653222900264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857879888436047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391456205035942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971450486674413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061537943667959887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054433749750823684 bpd,TheGentleSavage,2018/02/23,"I did a thing! Wanted to hide in bed all day. Instead I got up and got dressed. Brushed my teeth, Ate a salad Then off to work. Big progress for me. That is all. ",-2.3647619047619024,-0.7134199999999993,-0.5035714285714263,109.06273809523813,106.14285714285714,2.333333333333333,17.261904761904766,3.1291,-1.4070952380952382,120,4,32,0,6,38,30,35,0.05,0.858,0.092,0.3382,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,4,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,0,6,2,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,21,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31122946532352824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7719397372481159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32061015634800033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846430236512108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513299570275032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sincerlyblonde,2018/02/23,"Diagnosed today with BPD Hello all! Today i feel lost and disconnected. If there is anyone who has advice or personal experience with this condition. I am also type 1 diabetic and very brittle so the stress brought on by the disorder isn't helping... need friend, support, whatever you have to offer me. Thx for listening.",3.368815789473686,6.5575024385964955,5.406293859649125,68.99259868421055,86.01754385964912,9.165789473684214,29.932017543859647,9.188382445141503,4.149633333333334,257,13,38,9,8,88,51,57,0.174,0.7440000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.7002,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,9,11,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,4,2,6,9,1,4,0,1,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,27,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325949675785169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034825475461054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643239423803918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29978375855417244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415900450928145,0.0,0.0,0.2727969107252793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23283381547702134,0.0,0.0,0.1203524326762385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389728133601155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595429291412807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598320613892021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764922880723682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783397407230367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726564726895783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701075920393205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451239140138155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639529324762486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HmmmmSoThatHappened,2018/02/23,"Just had a HUGE moment and got dismissed I've been treating my BPD for about 4 months now, and it's the hardest thing I have ever done. A little over a month ago I started dating a girl who also had BPD. This is the first relationship I have ever had, because (and I've only realized this recently) the splitting would take over and I would drop off the face of the earth and just let the other person hate me, rather than deal with my emotions. So for the past week or so, I been thinking that this relationship isn't right for me. I've been agonizing over whether it's just BPD paranoia and splitting causing these feelings or if this really isn't for me. After many discussions with my therapist we came to the conclusion that the timing isn't right. I have so much more work to do on myself before I can comfortably let someone else in, and that's ok. I am not a failure for this. Cut to tonight. I met with her and had an honest conversation letting her know that I think she is wonderful, but I'm just not there. She was upset, but understanding. She's been dealing with her BPD for several years so she knows what it's like to be where I am. We are going to try to remain friends, and I left feeling ok about everything. Then I get home (I've had to move back in with my parents while I get treatment) I try explaining what happened and why it was such a big thing, and why it shows that I really have been making progress, that four months ago I would have just shut down, ignored her, called myself a worthless piece of shit, and gone into an SI hole, and they just dismissed it with a ""so you just told a girl that you've been dating for just one month that you don't want to date her...ummm ok. I don't see why this is a big deal"" So now instead of feeling proud that I've made a huge step forward, I'm just sitting here pissed off and wishing that I had never opened up.",5.0210717108977985,5.004163111688314,5.496702428006773,85.46815923207228,68.53246753246754,8.461885940146809,28.94692264257482,8.04050195162591,1.6691072840203276,1478,47,317,17,23,475,185,385,0.083,0.8079999999999999,0.109,0.7896,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,2,2,1,5,29,16,4,1,22,3,40,3,3,3,3,67,69,29,0,7,18,1,3,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,29,25,0,1,12,1,0,6,8,7,0,3,21,4,41,9,39,41,3,57,0,1,1,0,30,23,2,4,29,229,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472023036753393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979026177829144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710569920765326,0.0,0.053199343542140363,0.0,0.07426084695181354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396570278692098,0.0,0.08911303300029592,0.0998143093640156,0.0,0.08965093891294308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26991644836569856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930811645200602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290338222362892,0.09816767094554676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578824956034604,0.0,0.0,0.07843318184494062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323799021896538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423232191527092,0.0,0.0,0.06742504375100128,0.0,0.09119056587582987,0.0,0.04959788921475637,0.0,0.06979826562869046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717309726964637,0.0,0.0,0.08616164300723157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753952049632466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959232712977042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481975476190756,0.2677202826488526,0.0,0.04263600358452988,0.08746806110143011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257754531324155,0.05825379856670183,0.08847868375006418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786342192344087,0.09275482925692477,0.0641539274173564,0.0,0.06730846146612543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591368124705307,0.06637321862200164,0.0,0.0,0.09690366586779628,0.0,0.0833096559948142,0.0,0.0762013157180123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181555327218627,0.0,0.08616918229112844,0.18739191378003392,0.0,0.149057219351242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954336374511805,0.0,0.0,0.09859092962506456,0.08958200971301045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394409033643952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06177057498096133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561662505772799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132788497850384,0.11595740846718965,0.11183894446271893,0.0,0.0,0.0508881846526631,0.0,0.0,0.08339079161358531,0.0,0.1185020082559916,0.0,0.0,0.09085176518796463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147445691806643,0.0,0.07000320571003035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362444086220337,0.0,0.1003568751388408,0.0,0.09464123551112133,0.06353403117020821,0.0,0.0,0.18598357628437295,0.0,0.0,0.05619940068261951 bpd,bpdghoul,2018/02/23,"Borderline music! The singer of this band has Borderline and this song touches upon feelings that come with being BPD and in a relationship. ""You sleep so sound, I spend all night crying and walking around"" speaks for itself. Their name is 'Plum' https://soundcloud.com/plumsounds http://plumsounds.com/",9.341333333333337,13.708222688888895,6.275555555555558,66.10000000000002,66.55555555555556,8.044444444444443,26.777777777777786,8.841846274778883,2.7602444444444445,251,8,32,5,5,70,41,45,0.075,0.925,0.0,-0.5255,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,9,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,6,4,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,23,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225365131838383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563221365371671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31210165997619044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979852099103155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319697998696774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34000739623184506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889899309938096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625759265572413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gay_clint_eastwood,2018/02/23,"Diagnosed as BPD, but am I really I was once diagnosed as bipolar after misinterpreting my own symptoms of intense GAD as bipolar disorder. then, another psychiatrist told me its just intense anxiety and I agreed after taking everything into consideration. after my second trip to the psych ward for suicidal ideas (self-admitted) and seeing my extensive scars from burning myself, and listening to me talk about my life, I was diagnosed as having ""borderline personality disorder, adjustment disorder with intermittent something, cannabis abuse."" But what really gives? I'm fine with the diagnosis I'm just gun shy about ones where I'm like ""Yeah this is what I think I have"" and the psych immediately goes ""Oh yeah that's probably it"" ",7.352640000000001,9.961420784,8.353800000000003,57.43390000000002,65.16,13.0,37.3,12.161744961471696,6.10412,598,31,84,25,10,202,85,125,0.173,0.706,0.12,-0.8899,0,0,1,1,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,3,2,6,7,0,0,0,15,15,11,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,13,2,17,12,1,7,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,5,58,19,2,0.0,0.18327077590700444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162195705189708,0.11832995054125668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19481433150417568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470991524288819,0.0,0.0,0.5318308242147085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390166144999102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838336868527713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461514893160296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925521901223127,0.07556894588115849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472939390693725,0.10481532520536843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506080822399005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667714468227266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981842289028133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326011467818232,0.0,0.1613652116259241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908039600309203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919506309968035,0.0,0.0,0.16077198221370842,0.11630028077234927,0.12432610755780504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099112843969453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780358590457884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shayyynaynay,2018/02/23,"It's like walking into a burning house and going down with it. You know it will only end in turmoil and pain, but F it, you were the one who lit the match in the first place. I'm currently in a situation that I know I should leave alone. I've been trying to will myself.... practically begging myself not to go any farther because I already see whats coming. Emotions, Drama, and chaos are what the signs read. The fire flickers in my eye, tempting me to step into its warmth. It's something I know all too well.",4.172676837725383,4.965696864077671,5.156338418862692,84.30194174757284,70.6504854368932,7.050762829403608,28.30651872399445,6.868970318607317,1.371927600554785,399,14,80,3,7,131,74,103,0.149,0.772,0.079,-0.7543,1,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,1,7,0,6,2,1,0,1,15,14,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,3,2,0,5,1,2,1,2,2,4,10,2,11,9,1,17,0,0,3,0,3,9,0,0,4,54,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407524148770247,0.23874961784066576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471266594188953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188606387594182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863679393760165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433666819708265,0.19162349954299907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402875106949126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24591545494946795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24964095707765385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567039133350553,0.0,0.0,0.2290853430012992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569857291020922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466055952500615,0.16454531142661866,0.2302135947969592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22604160806253185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641037199198526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240439265517085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24318851509220804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655820419810324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688868686788595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452627268961367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AssertedSquat,2018/02/23,I wish I had a friend who craved my friendship the same way I crave others. I don’t know I’ll ever find a friend on “my level” just bleh I don’t even know how to say what I want ,-0.9285714285714306,0.4208773333333369,1.4288095238095266,103.52035714285715,85.19047619047619,4.2,12.88095238095238,3.1291,-1.7691619047619052,136,1,38,0,4,46,30,42,0.0,0.662,0.338,0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,7,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,8,2,2,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498590099268312,0.3081234430207432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113337983391875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5263468010681082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744076695151207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708862581852679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009150771603324,0.27037984252737696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917129100397208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LibertyAndFreedom,2018/02/23,"Didn't get into grad school I only applied to two schools for a PhD program, and I just heard from one that I didn't get in... And I have no idea when I'll hear from the other one. So it's this disappointment combined with the ever-increasing anxiety from the other school from which I haven't heard. I've been in remission for a year or so but I'm feeling old... Stuff again. I'm being passive aggressive with my friends, my mood had been erratic, etc... Anyone have anything on dealing with this anxiety and such?",3.5274029126213584,5.020957310679614,4.55358009708738,85.34745752427186,72.98058252427184,7.868446601941748,28.408980582524272,8.472884824447931,2.004204854368932,405,16,82,7,8,132,67,103,0.098,0.8140000000000001,0.08800000000000001,0.2484,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,12,17,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,7,4,7,1,14,9,1,8,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,59,15,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970169366450653,0.0,0.0,0.1357397981453061,0.0,0.1597519646382129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001388989017332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650560944083844,0.0,0.17560116667912126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815766331164943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499839016454857,0.0,0.2028492100624487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879795548045985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191484758941224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037061611235042,0.0,0.2630942264705877,0.14764416513335646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5894079850640387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223173093404647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963622677628636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250129761227196 bpd,yourtypeofmetal,2018/02/23,needing someone to talk to rn after what i thought was a good recovery period my BPD is coming back full force and i just feel so unloved and suicidal rn. if u could drop a comment about lkterally anything that would be great cause i need to talk someone but nobody is available irl. thank you <3,2.811781609195404,5.367484086206896,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,78.82758620689657,6.625287356321839,28.63218390804597,7.793537801064563,1.998508045977012,239,11,45,4,6,76,48,58,0.112,0.76,0.128,0.2376,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,12,5,1,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,3,5,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923760523520034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975774720089654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944301221951859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401502555478613,0.0,0.20137556898168488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664948674140566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820313959053065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607850846239008,0.0,0.2577366190138211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34668086219397404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961518396989455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557107719880111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3757973118062083,0.0,0.2152276562001972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18559041346534572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606631569792776,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jpaul631,2018/02/23,"Longtime observer, feeling the need to vent, ask for advice and such I was diagnosed with BPD many years ago (25yo M) I've had a couple second opinions and feel like it's the right diagnosis. Sense being diagnosed I didn't do much until recently when I got a dui and had to do IOP rehab. I was a part of the group for around 6 months and after a couple small relapses on marijuana they asked me to go to inpatient rehab. While in rehab I got probably the most suicidal I've ever been, began burning a lot and scratching till I'd bleed. The rehab I was at sent me to the psych ward. From there I went to a co occoring rehab where I was soon sent to the psych ward again. After leaving the hospital I decided my main focus should be getting the BPD under control. I recognize that I will have to clean up but I don't think now is the right thing. It feels to dangerous now. Probably will later. I recently texted all of my friends asking if they still want to associate with me after all the bull shit I keep causing (including a major FP of mine.) They all said they needed a month or so away so I've lost most of my friends now. After that I went into a weird state for a while where nothing felt real. I just got asked to leave my IOP group (I went for the night to say goodbye and such because I do care a lot for the people there) they didn't get how I could care about them. I got angry when someone brought up I need to pray and was asked to leave.... thanks for letting me vent. Any advice will be accepted with open arms",2.812268370607029,4.284627134185303,4.259573162939297,86.82304664536743,74.78274760383387,7.5639105431309925,24.34108626198083,8.238735603445708,1.3656922428115017,1195,37,251,20,25,397,166,313,0.07400000000000001,0.821,0.105,0.8194,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,6,2,21,11,2,0,24,0,25,10,2,3,4,44,59,19,1,7,4,0,5,1,2,4,8,2,1,0,5,13,0,2,7,0,0,7,3,4,0,1,24,7,36,7,44,26,11,49,1,1,0,0,19,15,1,7,27,176,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349593301718488,0.07869192487022983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036869691097936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902680766625568,0.41495394530358265,0.0,0.08340517335086067,0.0,0.0,0.05411520827262303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361301895406327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810200180677216,0.0911943439164274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956648905847172,0.07087803195082627,0.1964513135286427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020549076106926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030027781653906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465891684223516,0.06341946233736788,0.08523601947465342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717162816063408,0.0,0.09276047665813626,0.0,0.05045175233436798,0.0,0.283999570676844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890553794465027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819934271534964,0.0,0.09077642623460888,0.0,0.043370012866070576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969062365961992,0.1509432919872547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000190754289207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417155532549555,0.0,0.06525838314051695,0.1974722057074388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330746445380993,0.0,0.08518010571846645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961325284458192,0.0,0.06154403364032096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914246575774513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010431302321063,0.0,0.0,0.1753052927306263,0.0,0.0,0.15162334594112148,0.08444346965422475,0.07059586760328182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112422805104148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521709071309124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089424745176476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710327407568528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173026863981689,0.0,0.0,0.058976849075073424,0.05688216592180584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236062649222035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24688043329841905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05716691354147092 bpd,katsudoom,2018/02/23,"Getting attached to partners too quickly Anyone else in the same boat? I am barely seeing a guy for two weeks and I’m immensely attached to him. That happens all the time. I’m tired of it.",0.8381578947368418,3.361338078947369,2.5897894736842098,90.03152631578949,89.26315789473685,4.092631578947368,26.02105263157895,5.6839178017228535,0.8846673684210522,149,7,28,1,5,49,32,38,0.081,0.919,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,5,6,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446922598487515,0.3585637865921095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923372249708188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283374624434376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34650422066380543,0.3094584696908523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788637968814951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040578945916239,0.4022145381246653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418490193230366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28070772949267675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daintysinferno,2018/02/24,"Self-Care victory without getting into too much backstory, this week has been the worst week of my adult life. i had to call the police on my girlfriend and have her sent to jail; i found out that i have two months to find a new place to live; today i found out i am not eligible for the kidney transplant ive spent the last two years trying to get, which means more time spent on dialysis. i didnt blow up at my roommate or panic when he told me i was getting booted. we talked about it like adults, made sure there were no hard feelings and even hugged. ive accepted that i cant do anything about the no contact order between my girlfriend and i, and am doing things to keep myself from dissociating to pass the time. keeping up on my hobbies and seeing more of my friends, etc. and i let myself break down and cry over the transplant, telling myself things like “let yourself feel what youre feelings, you need to start the grieving process,” and reminding myself where i was so that i didnt lose myself. And then at one point i kind of just said ,”okay, you had your time, now you need to eat something because you can at least make yourself feel physically better.” im really proud of myself. ",8.11731510015408,6.314617241525426,7.527272727272727,79.30863636363638,63.02542372881357,10.107241910631744,34.59013867488444,8.296473431620573,2.521183050847458,943,31,190,9,11,295,146,236,0.081,0.8190000000000001,0.1,0.5688,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,6,0,3,10,14,0,1,9,1,21,4,1,2,1,33,44,13,1,2,4,0,5,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,9,13,1,2,9,0,2,2,7,4,0,3,16,7,36,10,32,26,6,34,0,2,1,1,21,16,0,1,16,136,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124580417516628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499986986472068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881282818196414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256306080727976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514614452916976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258936337140898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721449113890144,0.08126223909754447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24883704135845014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245007552988193,0.0,0.0,0.2697990100338819,0.09505511102674673,0.0,0.19283923780450224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021354148318233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289692093308295,0.0,0.0,0.21871504393519733,0.0,0.12812009898449628,0.0,0.10028844304906058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516194752529252,0.08690195651231966,0.12021557062479693,0.0,0.10864053070342984,0.0,0.0,0.13764263075393146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641694689964245,0.08212558691006189,0.0,0.0,0.134019175145923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820389120913356,0.0,0.09044352593939703,0.18245505225746134,0.0,0.11882618860552095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337045053931788,0.0,0.0,0.14435289943688345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854346160977972,0.0,0.11630610012573868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881819009310573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703270553975392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804149607047843,0.0,0.12835041410467932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947169342434067,0.0,0.0,0.08708350097161141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595729336808247,0.0,0.0,0.09888939027365648,0.10753640113456812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347552367823046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152248677793396,0.0,0.11662104587363098,0.1175634529020226,0.0,0.08353143672597514,0.0,0.2403710317327349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973795527836438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859957180843217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922931857858369 bpd,BPDthrowawayayay,2018/02/24,"Are any of you religious? Title says it all. I guess spiritual counts too. edited for the sake of keeping things concise. I'm just curious about everyone else's feelings/experiences.",3.5537500000000013,6.7704943750000055,4.97475,70.79525000000002,89.625,8.81,31.4,8.841846274778883,4.2128925000000015,148,8,22,5,5,49,30,32,0.0,0.922,0.078,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751667688937324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380219639927629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866476190867214,0.0,0.3958122461191993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457528426411579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35965960895376536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32178327145755925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26882258239650303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JetSetterMusicLetter,2018/02/24,"I just got diagnosed with BPD... Hi guys, I just got diagnosed with BPD after seeing a phycologist. I thought what I really had was PTSD but she mentioned that it could still happen alongside BPD. I have a very uneventful 10 years in my 20s and I'm now 31. I'm trying to contain a job but I'm finding it difficult and I'm extremely unmotivated. What are the things I'm supposed to know about BPD as a newcomer? Are there treatments? Is it possible to rebuild a career? Is it difficult to travel with BPD consudering that many countries ask if I have any mental illness?",2.018690228690229,4.6771961081081095,4.217477477477477,80.03332640332641,83.41441441441441,7.739708939708938,27.457380457380467,8.617729084823388,2.65317130977131,452,21,83,12,13,155,70,111,0.138,0.862,0.0,-0.9387,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,9,3,0,0,0,15,21,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,1,8,0,11,15,0,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,4,53,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869368967536867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951494780014553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8050621819059822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207137906090556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595137371913891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684520859596585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044937411058621,0.0,0.0,0.12658361065973295,0.11305019710195816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686338987322726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025858175019285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961165213205408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883459738938785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412256824641434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944037569581614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189881437774699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187346700688917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020947309867054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493249815311016,0.0,0.0,0.10149221288316104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679627917167249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548298150676948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232601190001677 bpd,madymo12,2018/02/24,Not getting texted back How do you guys cope when someone you’re emotionally invested in doesn’t respond to your texts? I start feeling so sad and like they don’t care about me and it ruins my day. ,0.6255833333333314,3.1335117250000017,1.7600000000000016,94.31833333333331,94.25,4.666666666666667,21.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.4549166666666666,159,6,33,2,6,50,36,40,0.152,0.6829999999999999,0.165,-0.1097,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,7,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,7,0,5,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30687302074500783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068954653087317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573778912848382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44891879643996296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017902152898646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850631722924545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951585549116591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497359191493951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381448466480926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824756043284286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cluelessclod,2018/02/24,Marriage with BPD - anyone else done it successfully? I have been married to my husband for nearly two months now. I'm BPD. Has anyone been married with BPD before and got any tips for us?,2.4333333333333336,5.084441222222225,3.3255555555555567,87.25000000000004,81.22222222222223,4.711111111111111,22.88888888888889,5.985473137389443,0.5161888888888888,148,5,27,1,4,47,28,36,0.0,0.903,0.097,0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,1,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,18,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912683062642006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861053216152005,0.209624545430882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408928810552046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7730141332956193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936451782273885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709069911366836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362768367270816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330016037869574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985271229607568,0.0,0.2460941295315639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,StevenWheeler666,2018/02/24,"BPD dating help I’ve been talking to this Jen girl for a little bit now. We’ve been out on a few dates and it’s been amazing, I feel incredibly calm and confident in her presence. She works in the medical field and is knowledgeable about BPD and mental health stuff and I’ve been very honest about my situation and she still seems interested in me. I read up quite a bit on dating with BPD and how difficult it can be. This article in particular really struck a chord with me and describes most relationships I’ve been in since the age of around 15. https://themighty.com/2017/06/bpd-cycle-of-dating-borderline-personality/ I like her and have quickly developed pretty strong feelings and I feel I’m doing a good job of regulating my emotions and taking things very slowly I’m very concerned about messing it up. She is a sweet and kind person and I’m not interested in being damaging towards her or repeating this awful pattern that is incredibly similar to the article I posted above. I’ve been focusing on spending time with her and really trying to get to know her without advancing the romantic or sexual aspect of things and going slow but at the same time I feel confident that she is interested in me in those ways. I do want things to be slow but I don’t want to make her think that I’m not interested in her in those ways because I definitely am. I’m not sure how to proceed or what boundaries to set. 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I've spent a lot of time reading up on the disorder and following posts here to try and help her as much as possible. One thing I do find is that I do end up texting or messaging the same things to her (you matter, you are not alone, you are loved, I'm there for you etc) during her bad days. I'm trying to reassure her but I don't want it to start sounding fake or copy and pasted as it's done with true love and care. Am I doing the right thing? 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Unlike other relationships, I have bpd. Things have not been going my way lately. A stressful job, communication skills not really to where I want them, aches and pains through my whole body. My girlfriend out of town a lot to visit her family. It reminded me of past relationships where they'd go nc. I fucked up after awhile it got to me and I looked for internet interactions to keep me comfort. Long story short I paid for someone to talk dirty to me. I would never physically cheat but is this even better. I thought I had my impulses controlled and as soon as I did it I felt terrible. I told my gf the next day. The constant I hate you I love you shit gets to me. I mess up in some way or another. I lost her. I lost her trust. I can't expect someone to want me back. But damn she made me a better person. Like I fucked up a lot but she was there willing to take me back. I broke her trust before when I couldn't stop the self harm but this is something entirely different something I hadn't been capable of. I'm not sure where to go from here. 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",1.5794449760765588,4.107024915789477,2.6834449760765544,91.20593301435406,84.05263157894737,6.401913875598087,23.3732057416268,7.686295010490155,1.2557368421052637,377,14,77,7,11,120,63,95,0.121,0.861,0.017,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,3,5,4,0,8,4,0,0,3,1,7,5,1,1,0,16,14,6,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,10,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,4,17,1,17,13,0,13,0,1,3,0,13,9,0,0,3,59,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8358623357886746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22891708318094306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886583438746296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315637859672852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501111748900068,0.0918536302041023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369798309110335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764163408924845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066116861905022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281499364588497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239105285697462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712539138921824,0.0,0.13681230593956847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392859754721746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334329221083237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583655625282205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Unstable_cutepete,2018/02/24,"need validation that my issues are correlated to BPD and very intense anger to invalidation. i absolutely hate when people try to give advice but instead just come of rude. i wish someone could just say ''i understand dude, these are your BPD issues, and you're validated'' . Instead people often say ''dude stop searching for labels'' this often infuriates me and i often engage in suicidal gestures when this happens, i start to feel so angry at myself and how i was born with horrible articulation and how i will never be ''understood'' this than leads to feeling angry at the people around me and i start to feel envious of others who get validation while i try so desperately to feel 'understood', on a side note i often split at most people, the worst part is i find no ambition to ''change'' i feel like this is more of a personality style than disorder for me personally, the only time i feel extreme distress and impairment is when i get attached to somebody or when i am extremely invalidated.",7.484841788046207,8.22693890055249,8.559869412355603,62.999934706177854,63.30939226519337,11.443696634856856,35.23907584128578,11.20814326018867,4.352001104972375,795,34,128,22,11,272,109,181,0.28800000000000003,0.653,0.059,-0.9955,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,17,8,4,1,5,0,10,0,0,3,1,37,29,18,1,3,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,8,10,0,1,10,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,8,21,2,23,23,4,20,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,6,12,99,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957702488815093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180437886435902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33401485808264125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027520928732046,0.11422478038802444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058718132511576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197324541653176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022849761521372,0.09473081134263013,0.0,0.0,0.12119571830594315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855802131543354,0.12720380849438367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172594067573372,0.0,0.0,0.1309169063017411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768038285281033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478258180253266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832261567052164,0.10227074641944227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084970689976587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435949167724982,0.0,0.3677177967250295,0.2315656981863058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090067840437465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235314472044876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877125898425233,0.0,0.0,0.1108611112769914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450449372825324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732122403328869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800559479827435,0.0,0.0,0.13804323612378513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094104402429628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248562075568173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kurtcobabe12,2018/02/24,How to use controlled dissociation? How do you use controlled dissociation to cope? Like a self-induced mild dissociative state to disconnect when in crisis. I used to be able to do this (i have a history of dissociation) but cannot seem to make myself disconnect. sometimes distraction and other coping skills aren’t enough,5.525059523809528,8.85342519642857,6.382142857142861,65.92952380952383,73.82142857142857,9.447619047619048,30.76190476190476,9.725611199111238,3.893390476190477,265,12,40,8,6,87,42,56,0.115,0.8540000000000001,0.032,-0.6767,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,3,2,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,8,0,11,11,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,8,10,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,28,6,0,0.2397839717778035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5378762271875485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24776094114243954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714633665438368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005766311473946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829032225035047,0.2501469775053396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23715247934852998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6212890903850603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sjajdbsk,2018/02/24,"Is it wrong to say to suicide isn't the option? No matter how hard I try, no matter how many anti psychotics I take, no matter what I do nothing ever works out. There is one thing that will help my im sure of it but I can never obtain it, it's not even medication. Suicide seems beautiful. No matter what I do it's like there's a cosmic wall that I can't break though. No one can honestly say things will get better because nobody knows that they will, and more times than not they don't. I've lived my life like an angel but I feel like im becoming a demon. I think about killing people, I think about killing myself, but im not a superhero or someone with powers like Dr Manhattan so killing other people would be pointless. Suicide is the only thing I have access to that can save me.",2.306765994741454,4.023034650306752,3.7912050832602975,88.61872699386505,76.73006134969327,6.129535495179668,22.07230499561788,6.868970318607317,0.5688022787028921,620,17,128,6,14,205,94,163,0.149,0.573,0.277,0.9684,1,0,0,0,0,4,15.0,0,0,2,4,10,12,3,0,6,0,17,3,0,2,3,27,24,9,6,1,7,0,2,4,0,4,3,2,0,0,15,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,12,4,0,2,0,4,16,8,9,19,1,6,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,3,7,88,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467402769858368,0.135290112319739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834008325984286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090918963145279,0.1108070237791132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193898786874824,0.08751304556293718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400047809487755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973471106441914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821082493547084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969586229701581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4065797523774745,0.0,0.06732204328940235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652440490052897,0.23938657138550126,0.0,0.1081685343397224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241943836365748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340448195399642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447849505678853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175407390422437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601648360312418,0.09316572791725264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985025169218046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483165420911688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151815178889794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379269145597628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019808558116125,0.0,0.11545350881860808,0.0,0.09210372442222103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441479392939101,0.15698435131956198,0.12035428176044467,0.0,0.07142993610952214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316852857250208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918046140266206,0.0,0.0,0.0870195119102038,0.1339330214640845,0.0,0.0 bpd,alexandraelise,2018/02/24,"Exercise ahhhhhh I know that exercise is very important for me. It keeps me on track with healthy eating, better sleep and actually makes me much more social in general. I’m also less likely to take benzos when I am exercising. I’ve gained 15 pounds in the last two years and I feel disgusting and angry at myself for letting this happen. I am so self conscious and going to the gym/classes makes me anxious because I feel like everyone is looking at me. My rational side knows they’re not but the feeling overpowers me and stops me from going. Then I just feel more self loathing. How do you all push yourself to do things you know are good for you and will make you feel better? My DBT therapist helps me with setting goals for each week but I am not good about following through with them. ",4.4314705882352925,6.205067392156862,5.115833333333335,81.09375000000003,71.15686274509805,8.498692810457516,29.08986928104575,9.075114841892004,2.4768653594771237,633,25,119,13,12,204,101,153,0.08900000000000001,0.767,0.14400000000000002,0.8432,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,1,4,7,7,1,0,3,0,10,5,1,4,1,32,29,13,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,10,1,2,9,3,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,6,23,6,18,27,6,17,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,0,8,81,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.14688691023922876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037169351954252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700460331032389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175628394457848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662474155618088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402069393881082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382939044347953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805400306693554,0.10753232556223828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108925422119356,0.2524999653388459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331053384210867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089114079118797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337900966392808,0.0,0.0,0.2481674302366083,0.12269481098257055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391805385087404,0.0,0.14707404229773294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263998397370655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014220698739953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106503499541115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31405273268435285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506298348606814,0.15343733676847313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584240482129475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317315740019755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476663369401274,0.0999995506369819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703727272795486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419569634594285,0.0,0.0,0.12073897143246325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693067288442912 bpd,R_lynn,2018/02/24,"Having trouble w dbt therapy.. Can someone please help? I was so fucking excited when I started back in October but now I can barely muster up motivation to go to individual or group, and I feel so bad because there are so many of you who would love to be able to get the help I'm receiving, but I just don't seem to benefit. I have trouble learning, remembering, using the skills, I have trouble implementing the therapy, and I feel like I'm just wasting my therapists time even though I truly do have the desire to get help. My boyfriend is starting to comment on how I don't seem to be utilizing therapy skills and I just don't know how to make a habit out of it.. Any ideas..?",5.563676470588233,5.545829779411764,6.917941176470588,75.74323529411767,67.38235294117646,10.623529411764707,35.382352941176464,10.411451182825502,3.628502941176471,534,25,107,13,8,183,83,136,0.141,0.654,0.206,0.8459,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,3,14,9,1,0,5,0,16,2,0,5,0,25,32,13,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,2,14,4,15,28,0,12,0,0,0,2,9,4,1,3,7,72,16,2,0.15869615928698208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791883023833013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202755076237914,0.1325046642616282,0.09673970573684758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481731650992754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048309284312312,0.11337256790361196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467120420649726,0.16582438657004284,0.0,0.09019068447721784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191120711957867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914864727210456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721525888101549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775309273749857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322947966823124,0.0,0.10593091861993296,0.16089299716987515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420072733487954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977181250476235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889420464079161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446274077535794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465191669595025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5444486659562584,0.18425847243759466,0.0,0.0,0.1559181707550494,0.0,0.09253700668094614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706252857520182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273319834222476,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sighbaby,2018/02/24,"My boyfriend just left me We got into a big fight yesterday and he got so angry the neighbors called the police. I lied for him like I always do, but today he kept acting annoyed that I was upset about what happened. So he left when we were arguing which is my biggest trigger. He went to his friends house and ignored my calls and so when he finally called me back I told him I had texted my ex. Now he says he's done. He keeps hanging up on me. He said he doesn't love me. He blocked my number. I didn't even text my ex I was just losing it over him leaving me. He was my whole world and I feel like I'm dying. I don't have any friends or family, he was all I had for the last 3 years and now he's really gone. How can he just cut me off like this? He didn't even sound upset. It hurts so much. Are breakups this hard for everyone? Is it just my BPD? How do I get it to stop making my want to kill myself? I keep telling myself he has to come back but I know he isn't this time. I am so attached to him and now I'm just spinning between grief, anxiety and emptiness. 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I've also done unspeakable things to manipulate people, and have felt intense self hatred and shame after going through with it. I'm going to be transparent here and admit to some pretty despicable things I've done or considered doing to either A. Get someone to pay attention to me. B. Make someone feel guilty. Or C. A random act of violence such as hitting or slapping or breaking things with no real motive in mind. 1. I threatened a friend with suicide during an argument and sent him photographs of an electrical appliance suggestively implying I would use it in a bathtub to end my life. That was an incredibly bad move. At the moment, I didn't realize how crazy I looked. I felt ashamed and apologized once I calmed myself down. 2. As a teen, I once snapped and attacked my older sister. It left scars on her body, and I wish I could go back in time and make myself STOP before I did something incredibly hurtful and stupid. 3. This third one didn't come to fruition thankfully, but I considered doing it. I was angry at my mother a few days ago for being cold towards me and hatched a plan to buy empty capsules on the internet, swallow 80 of them, and tell my mom I was trying to commit suicide and pretend the pills were oxycodone. Then I was planning to vomit them up in front of her so she would believe me and appreciate me more. We don't talk as often because she's at work more, so I thought if she almost lost me (or thought she had) that it would make her love me and give me more attention during the day. Then I thought about it more and felt sick to my stomach for considering it. 4. Another one I thought about, but didn't go through with. I wanted to fake a pregnancy so my mom would give me attention. My sister had a baby, and everyone loves talking about her baby and gives her attention on facebook. Our mom talks about wanting ME to have a baby too, so I feel like I'm a disappointment for not having a baby like my sister. My plan was to dip a pregnancy test in fruit juice (which can sometimes cause a positive result) and show it to my mom so she would be excited and give me a hug. Then when my period came, I planned to pretend it was a miscarriage..which would make her spend more time with me and being sympathetic. Thankfully, I never let this idea get off the ground too far. Well....those were things I never expected to admit to online. I feel rotten. ",5.097337153549294,6.081041075546717,5.8973997193310765,79.13109782481581,68.662027833002,9.098561571745996,30.89749736872881,9.325443323948027,2.7230695123377378,2043,81,385,40,34,670,249,503,0.135,0.746,0.119,-0.6591,1,0,1,0,0,4,56.0,2,0,2,7,19,23,2,4,26,0,39,12,2,10,4,92,83,46,2,12,11,8,6,2,1,6,5,0,0,2,19,30,2,1,20,3,3,10,8,13,0,3,29,10,65,10,58,41,9,51,0,5,1,3,42,19,0,11,23,272,84,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379321028504452,0.0,0.07206320725939967,0.0,0.0,0.05755090765952061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546226322477204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187132094633709,0.0,0.055337145901471714,0.06008831524570611,0.04386959483641283,0.0,0.06123747119932699,0.0810806482857298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993761831558506,0.090638222181847,0.0,0.0,0.08230953653041183,0.0,0.07392855071039428,0.0,0.06199203881475768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057458718976382814,0.0,0.0,0.09282378677190316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093755054980424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095167465749083,0.06374020907921253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876626660398329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916399126135573,0.05141227773655239,0.2072949412474132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055600485912778434,0.0,0.07519816808842747,0.2761440523424488,0.1635989589134025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704072124515024,0.08124046389697821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819089385187468,0.07358975723695907,0.10166293967078817,0.07031756702845654,0.07212849155942723,0.0,0.0,0.06043302451090835,0.0,0.07855901274887135,0.0,0.1299036252760115,0.0,0.19215053199135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266479563534636,0.3371412176551332,0.0,0.07648810131272965,0.0,0.0,0.1110086981145643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551584815192378,0.1532821460262839,0.09753157953703318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989192329811898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321494243633914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819126697610424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507587245170294,0.0,0.0,0.0595307328229172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219525305246351,0.055402676523309234,0.07117587215618189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060166509315967565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743749038270055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352980049499606,0.06290115378131582,0.13251261098495454,0.0,0.0,0.23905391443911844,0.0,0.0,0.2856634539475101,0.08392750338750042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885995524901212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062155218997715964,0.0,0.0,0.08489441482040924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470576584921202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275695071128104,0.0,0.0,0.05239185336099583,0.0,0.0,0.3067340156691813,0.0,0.0,0.04634352181512932 bpd,jessillin,2018/02/24,"Help me Talk to my Boss? So I was diagnosed as Borderline late last year. I've been seeing my therapist ""regularly"" (every other month :/) and I bought myself a DBT workbook to try to get myself better. I have my good stretches and was actually feeling pretty good until I hit a real dark place early this month and had a suicide attempt. I met with my therapist 2 weeks after and told her about it and she immediately got to work referring me to DBT groups and to see my psychiatrist to discuss medication again. She also said that depending on the type of group I end up in, I'd be placed on medical leave and miss about 3-4 weeks of work. I'm currently off work recovering from a pilonidal cyst removal surgery. So I've been stuck at home for a whole month and had a real bad time with it.I think what might have triggered the instability/attempt was suddenly not having my usual routine. I got an email re: the group and signed up for the soonest available orientation which is this coming Thursday. The problem is I start work again on Monday. And have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Monday, and then the Orientation on Thursday. My boss is very accommodating with appointments, like for Monday I can just take a long lunch & be back to work in no time. Thursday, I'll need to take a half day. My question is, how do I let my boss know that I might have to miss more work to attend these groups, especially so soon after returning? I don't want to say they're appointments related to my cyst because that's a bad source of anxiety to me already; having to miss work before the surgery due to pain. I don't know how open and truthful I need/have to be. And I fear that I'll end up sharing too much like I'm prone to do so any advice is welcome. Thank you",4.162025567555651,5.564933160458453,5.3670630372492845,80.49137921534054,71.26361031518623,8.463786643156272,28.322790390125643,8.950670267944501,2.222175137756227,1399,52,275,27,26,465,183,349,0.098,0.809,0.092,0.1715,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,0,1,0,9,15,17,0,1,17,0,29,7,0,7,1,43,56,23,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,6,2,1,0,11,19,1,0,6,0,1,3,4,8,0,1,14,5,36,9,47,35,3,54,0,3,2,0,19,16,0,4,37,173,47,11,0.0,0.0,0.09124266640268767,0.0,0.0,0.09136727202173114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317974910424313,0.0747720423708454,0.0,0.1013073818566095,0.0,0.06358331352604737,0.0,0.07152736475646113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189584988833803,0.15613745243169566,0.056996828326432776,0.0,0.07956174763200327,0.0,0.0,0.08269329131887466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054210683061823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029986667276203,0.0,0.0,0.09490069195192784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562677489619018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877791553189706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521367205831214,0.04727648912307169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884997334692506,0.0,0.0,0.1568469924691057,0.14956123510696862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267118484012094,0.0,0.09378828175868348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027704829164724,0.07621510786489183,0.10547225052058393,0.0990031666987133,0.0,0.09561024612740167,0.0,0.09135890840110357,0.0,0.0,0.0827446973290977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883831444323636,0.0,0.19837778332762496,0.0,0.0,0.22389280161408373,0.0,0.06873337421122579,0.1386583644687178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949076009574356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537552870620045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512327434375964,0.0,0.08946702349324538,0.0,0.0,0.1047415751947301,0.0,0.0,0.2128472986148816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894006133956049,0.07435507826319222,0.0,0.0,0.1490150404387373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617989289710034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227399688723617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060096477742218,0.07515188507526355,0.0,0.0860823831125039,0.0,0.21712177934020985,0.0,0.05991112571437735,0.0,0.0,0.1090413877830702,0.0,0.0,0.08934340758998066,0.0,0.0634804695997244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029772141572482,0.07714742227123217,0.05514881554565426,0.0,0.15000037340663885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438958704313256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764845989571821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060211036066983775 bpd,GeishaB,2018/02/24,Rough week I just need to vent a little bit. I'm tired and feeling sad. I had to spend $700+ to replace my radiator this week. I got on my supervisor's radar today and I'm not exactly sure why. I've been getting that paranoid suspenseful feeling something bad is going to happen soon. I need a nap.,0.15130952380952326,2.4681895873015876,3.027281746031747,87.38473214285717,89.63492063492062,5.68968253968254,23.74801587301588,7.1686216300943375,1.1856682539682541,236,10,49,4,8,83,47,63,0.219,0.731,0.05,-0.8806,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,10,13,2,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,3,6,1,5,10,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401146010380456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798284723284383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25920009090032603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391347122921465,0.0,0.14566913685860725,0.0,0.20499769787247546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665759865905916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25689393571108715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801071245034856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732301776025366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24157288494896406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945952051277597,0.2429556751383528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111992149085951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23128349234537626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDgirl1996,2018/02/25,"Polyamory? Hey guys, I was kind of wondering what your thoughts are on poly and if it's a bad idea for someone with BPD. Part of me has considering poly just because I find it hard with the constant need for affection to ignore the attentions of other guys. I feel bad about it though because I don't want to make my boyfriend upset and I love him very much. So it's kinda weird thinking about poly. It seems like it would be indulging in my mentally ill tendencies, but at the same time, it would be more open about when I end up flirting with other people. Part of me wonders if I'd be happier being poly instead of mono. What do you think? Is poly a terrible idea for someone who is BPD? It seems like it really could be. Thoughts?",3.2145918367346944,4.903321972789119,3.877295918367349,89.08288265306123,74.17006802721089,7.348979591836735,27.215986394557824,8.07648339933343,1.6073496598639454,578,22,121,9,12,183,92,147,0.12,0.773,0.107,0.5878,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,8,11,0,1,5,0,15,3,0,2,0,33,28,8,0,7,4,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,14,6,0,1,13,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,2,13,5,20,17,5,9,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,7,6,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261690799527198,0.16512271747807236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411572322438084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463596732254488,0.0,0.10813571285042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199573027176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848119962145184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378729513531367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682085634544538,0.0,0.0,0.1213252736665472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30578459221861304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410371707713525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323357076522144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222375069556385,0.0,0.09040549076639076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648900560249488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995620446298716,0.10042508773914363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933309293580281,0.0,0.09389521359740226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676464211439182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465941752310789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295112744788904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735655855878666,0.13306652042811368,0.21504427372022686,0.07897461489085507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175000772759222,0.07988446511831833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29375208325079755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242163203285825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kileem,2018/02/25,"How do you stay motivated throughout the day to complete any goal(s)? I’ve been suffering from BPD, ADHD, Anxiety, OCD w/CSP, & Depression and I just officially got diagnosed almost 3 months ago (I think). It’s been a breath of fresh air to finally have a diagnosis for my madness but now I have so many questions. My main concern that I’ve dealt with since the trauma I experienced a few years ago, is that I can’t stay motivated towards anything and my attitude towards goals/hobbies change so quickly (is this from BPD?). I have zero friends because I’m honestly terrified of having a friendship (which sucks because I’m lonely) and I’ve been trying to find hobbies to consume my time. But it seems like I’ll find a hobby, buy everything I need for it, be obsessed with it for a week/month, and then I’ll become completely disinterested in it out of nowhere. I’ve been active my whole life and about two years ago I broke my shin which completely halted my progress in the gym, now that I’m getting back into the swing of things, I can’t seem to stay motivated like I used to and my BPD/CSP/OCD/everything else has gotten progressively worse over time. It seems like I’ll be looking forward to coming home and working out after a long day at school/work, but once I get home, I completely turn to “give up mode” and I will neglect my homework (even if it’s due that night) and I will just lay down and go to sleep. The whole time I’ll be thinking about how much I hate myself for not getting my daily goals accomplished but I still just say “fuck it” and go to bed. I’m so tired of not being able to stick to hobbies, especially ones that I love like the gym. I mean even sometimes I’ll go to the gym only to turn around and go back home because my motivation suddenly goes away. Being on Adderall, Prozac, and a mood stabilizer all at once is also making my body feel exhausted and killing my appetite so I’m losing weight rapidly (rip to my booty). I’m so over this!!!! If anyone has advice on how they stick to hobbies or find motivation to complete their goals, please let me know. Sorry this post is all over the place, it’s a reflection to how my mind works.",5.252474590869941,5.710379253488372,5.961111111111113,80.6901851851852,68.09302325581396,9.068044788975019,31.042204995693368,9.049649993220411,2.445000861326444,1709,65,343,29,27,559,216,430,0.145,0.727,0.128,-0.8423,0,2,0,0,0,0,57.0,0,1,2,13,24,22,5,1,17,0,25,11,3,11,2,64,60,32,1,3,12,0,2,4,1,2,5,1,5,0,20,21,1,2,18,3,1,6,4,14,0,3,6,5,38,7,52,46,7,54,0,6,1,2,8,21,2,8,29,207,58,11,0.0728883280383581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759760595330766,0.07122563058127601,0.19383331492783806,0.0,0.07298713183324441,0.0,0.0,0.058288769598447365,0.0,0.07897447297713919,0.0,0.0495665625133534,0.0,0.055759371445216914,0.0,0.0,0.050965213702459995,0.0,0.05998088348752933,0.0648860651770638,0.0,0.0,0.06848098352907524,0.1120932502670252,0.0,0.13329614474154433,0.08049943177326771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096250095327473,0.2754008927622829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710618641718407,0.06278684063141178,0.3821101259487275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401388336762054,0.0,0.06277861013512451,0.07398011867168162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088884525007554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628410648628363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101465874870635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036854528705406966,0.0,0.0,0.07984560061269343,0.19985583403098026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631334143512023,0.0673840847645915,0.11424342913573203,0.06992112591080837,0.1656964661455108,0.0,0.05829545440775918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196213382071577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193388079204485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064013567020377,0.0,0.04005751889542576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453325375453362,0.05148318165744102,0.1424382213915277,0.0,0.0,0.06450387665202552,0.0612078381577171,0.08154339496266858,0.0,0.0,0.06578456180494191,0.0,0.04865352495274696,0.0738973243554387,0.0,0.07939675717933713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359643319207121,0.0,0.11635753609001095,0.0,0.053581307746705935,0.05404577167579147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840075827324572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524738108632727,0.049391017443547694,0.055434857947024366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615278931026609,0.08000949623200386,0.0,0.0,0.06980687006592462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165160868047376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579637239793739,0.0,0.07376687929693436,0.0,0.19906438905590712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029397816052886,0.0,0.07294096711716516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208842017965819,0.08159251578363279,0.0,0.23306777876475804,0.05820871292512441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04842376639056745,0.09340779501057442,0.0,0.0,0.12750531069472118,0.08377441077388621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049486390222535016,0.15856314099089466,0.0712013054051813,0.0,0.0,0.0629521129524629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846662019619906,0.08875834732082014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275443052513808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919071272316562,0.0,0.0742794332951605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387538703799456 bpd,jiena-telaqi,2018/02/25,"Recently diagnosed BPD + a laundry list of other things and looking for a little support [24F, international grad student, living alone] I was recently (in the last couple of weeks) diagnosed with BPD + OCPD; this on top of other mental health diagnoses established fifteen and three years ago, respectively. Let me say first that *it makes so much sense*. **TL;DR: newly diagnosed, feeling scared and alone. Help?** On the one hand, it makes bearing that empty feeling (""I'm only me when I'm with you""/""Never the same person twice""/diagnostic ""unstable self-identity"") a lot easier, because knowing it's recognized by psychiatric medicine means I'm not making it up or just being weak-willed. And on the other hand, carrying two different ""personality"" disorders is really scary. Things that are not helping right now: I scarcely ever speak to my mother; I spoke to her for the first time since December yesterday. She has just been made aware (not by me, and not by my choice) that I spent 23 days in a mental hospital in the time we didn't speak. Last night she was asking invasive questions and demanded ""Well, are you going to tell me [how you've been diagnosed]?"" and I surprised myself by saying no. Context: she doesn't know the older diagnoses, either. Standing up to her is a really big deal and has taken 2200+ kilometres. When she starting shouting about why I wouldn't tell her, I said: ""Because I know you're never going to get past the stigma. Stop asking."" I'm glad I stood against her. But I'm really getting scared about not ever being able to tell anyone because of the stigmas about ""really *really* crazy"" and ""cruel attention-seeking b!tch"". I haven't told my boyfriend yet because I'm afraid he won't take it well. He's largely sympathetic about the stuff I've already told him (the older diagnoses) but he's firmly in the camp of ""you feel bad because you're wallowing and you'll feel better when you get back to *real life*"" because I'm still in intensive outpatient (and have been for the last five weeks). Taking a step away from my life and looking with outside eyes, my neurosis about being in control (anorexia, BDD, OCPD, coping with trauma) all makes a lot of sense. But that stereotype of ""always needs to have her way (and is cruel about getting it)"" really scares me. I don't feel like that. I've never been cruel or malicious to anyone; I have never been emotionally able to hate someone (hating my body? Oh yes, but that's different.) Long story longer: I really just feel afraid. I really just want to be good enough. I feel like I can't talk to anyone, and would really appreciate some positive energy. Is anybody out there? Does it feel like this forever? ",4.346580391439545,6.708176289738432,5.292490854216208,77.23651202670571,72.82293762575453,8.622809584781416,27.190826778854948,9.279504587578698,2.6856523138833,2124,79,361,51,44,694,249,497,0.115,0.7979999999999999,0.087,-0.9373,2,2,0,0,0,0,113.0,1,4,0,5,24,23,5,5,20,1,32,14,4,7,6,72,81,25,0,4,16,1,10,3,0,4,10,7,0,2,22,20,0,2,13,0,1,3,16,12,2,6,16,20,43,11,51,56,8,56,0,0,3,0,39,17,0,6,37,228,65,2,0.11953919211568625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298214061421327,0.0,0.0,0.1238065518977759,0.06595723551498832,0.0,0.04973309196263657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537687382791712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117530080233899,0.0,0.05615550299113209,0.04595913001149513,0.04990511613060381,0.218609945973165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052861350588458235,0.0,0.06639054712934772,0.15055542780190626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703668429078126,0.0,0.0661339212021174,0.0,0.03854644484199665,0.06161982906148045,0.0,0.4246541730101839,0.0,0.12489301314079558,0.06850113527724867,0.0,0.05230477629041862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723275079737948,0.0,0.06175797014788404,0.0,0.0,0.10813004301654304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417704291381333,0.12809823409875934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167997574697812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490858816447882,0.0,0.06793687766110783,0.05013190142404103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802020393885612,0.0,0.06353228565717124,0.0,0.0,0.08012460069711942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985434206502461,0.14616059438658344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111846148317199,0.08443406658521357,0.08760121666485085,0.059904837286242886,0.052777648348837386,0.052894211671690186,0.10038281466232403,0.0,0.0,0.10162794637479328,0.0,0.056555436958304825,0.15958667794851966,0.0,0.0,0.06510661216449183,0.0,0.0,0.1204673897345662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393753028037952,0.044318398139088964,0.13829399147558105,0.0,0.0,0.05608971699680879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04050142513809854,0.045457471123139206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05705684250797479,0.0,0.10437701171383376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669556264994404,0.0,0.0,0.06803088554367044,0.3446094035036763,0.0,0.11803053089864946,0.0,0.0,0.0510429084578735,0.05685457295078515,0.09506236352224426,0.17951937763271147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062352723952871524,0.0,0.0,0.049442027501011176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064258478014017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230522772216398,0.0,0.04773207661932823,0.049970058609705874,0.0,0.0,0.06842188773565931,0.0,0.0678258293046821,0.0,0.0,0.08987859563498055,0.04804053727923488,0.1567237842184227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794165275746329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970426423137492,0.0,0.0,0.11422482080607453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838621048652981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03525365633175185,0.04744232330501902,0.09588712942228904,0.0,0.10748008979184476,0.0,0.05393276387623893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042458606166004456,0.0,0.0,0.03848966023806883 bpd,Riker_is_number_1,2018/02/25,Which anti-depressants work best for you? I feel like Sertraline (Zoloft for you Americanos) isn't really making me happier or content..,6.8460869565217415,9.747415565217397,7.364565217391306,62.74510869565219,67.26086956521739,13.295652173913044,33.23913043478261,12.161744961471696,5.941278260869567,110,5,15,5,2,36,21,23,0.0,0.621,0.379,0.885,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,10,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5100232163225901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185879692232056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457343718548389,0.347195910370417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374332822266721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244063569054119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113417251310989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35381115220910936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,askask9,2018/02/25,"I remember reading somewhere, that everything that could go wrong, went wrong in people with BPD. This is probably one of the reasons why I feel close to this sub, even if I don't relate to many stories. (I'm overanalytical, against substance use, not impulsive and with a habit of shutting down and not trusting own emotions at all). I relate to people with BPD,ADD, Aspergers, general anxiety, social anxiety, AVPD, C-PTSD, Schizoid PD, depression, antinatalists, niceguys, pessimists, abused, suicidal, obsessive, dissociating, paranoid people, people raised by narcissistic parents. So for me it truly feels like everything that could go wrong, went wrong, besides maybe psychosis, which I haven't experienced. But in this mess, I have hard time understanding what is the main problem, to start working on it. I believe, that just like glass will break in a predictable pattern, limited by its peculiar physical nature, human mind will also ""break"" in a peculiar and predictable pattern. What I'd like to know is what creates this pattern and how to reverse it. Hopefully neurobiology will be able to answer this one day.",11.473650793650794,10.758458058201056,10.33121693121693,58.3961904761905,55.71957671957672,13.47936507936508,47.45502645502646,12.45797560212912,6.275353439153439,899,50,130,24,9,284,123,189,0.21,0.7020000000000001,0.087,-0.9748,1,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,0,0,0,2,5,15,0,1,5,0,12,0,0,3,1,30,24,9,1,5,5,1,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,17,8,0,1,7,1,0,4,4,10,0,2,2,4,8,5,23,16,3,18,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,2,6,83,25,2,0.11314148635161556,0.1340541602939035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904792057584938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310585475423904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274717108317058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849954827087334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066854089046064,0.0,0.0,0.07296689873516013,0.0,0.09744859640680248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726894371783348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472888467247077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20336854505535504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441547004133905,0.08082830045633205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860182808039852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013525485183213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123750247838076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062179601993357626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658256457025285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470770890205913,0.1136658302895646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142406482029092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533351985530724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563023120128092,0.0,0.0,0.3137522431780949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198565840177444,0.10826112234700247,0.13225634294102695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317210404464895,0.0,0.0,0.11632829165740302,0.0,0.0,0.12816724842175325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533349709212225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008212637570786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375842246234968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659737105513584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778427744085555,0.0,0.0977179175336299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097665827279886,0.10209259339987904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236834957257498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948098163096339,0.0,0.0 bpd,JustD42,2018/02/25,"For people who got diagnosed... How did it change things for you? Like for example, if you suspected you had this, how did it feel when you got the official diagnosis? Were you happy, sad, or any other emotions? Did it change the way you saw things?",3.685851063829787,5.700946468085108,4.558457446808512,83.30875,73.68085106382978,8.955319148936171,24.51595744680851,9.516144504307137,2.160025531914893,192,6,38,5,4,62,31,47,0.091,0.78,0.13,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,6,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,0,6,9,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,2,6,2,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,2,2,29,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798514082548583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5595569072822506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684355713063409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29749768429217843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337260151226111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230480807406327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28153752070248217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920865099169448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833529906437818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514095848789828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992717319003595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RealPublicBitch,2018/02/25,"What personality type do you have? Just curious if were different and if our BPD is related to it. https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test",12.753833333333333,18.27412805,10.610000000000003,30.86833333333334,68.5,12.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,10.504223727775694,5.867166666666666,131,5,15,5,3,40,19,20,0.0,0.892,0.108,0.3182,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,13,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6790340161700656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5632915766820427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707604534399732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AquariousENTP333,2018/02/25,"Have any of you moved to different high population areas to low population areas or vice versa? If so did either population size make it easier or worse with connecting with like minded friends/spouses? Half of my life I grew up in a city of about 3 million people. The other half of my life I've lived in a city with much less than 28,000 people. I feel the need to move to a larger area to connect with more like minded people. Although I understand location won't change my BPD or be a magic fix I understand there can be many more resources and groups to create a support system that I will never get here at least not for the foreseeable future. Let me know if you've gone through this and what happened for you good and bad please.",6.764844827586206,6.451154613793107,7.022198275862071,76.99950431034483,64.93103448275862,10.00862068965517,30.53879310344828,9.516144504307137,2.5742586206896547,589,18,112,10,8,191,98,145,0.059,0.8170000000000001,0.124,0.8156,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,8,0,8,2,0,1,1,23,18,10,0,3,7,0,1,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,4,0,0,4,3,2,0,3,2,1,11,4,23,11,6,16,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,5,4,78,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162860846703432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705959612656754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067429927944564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365045824251335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150331736839927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299990046686458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576235250990931,0.0,0.0,0.13768244009800734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451585766302429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734350093256275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021333871465582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785596941279726,0.23189003378345746,0.16039220434311982,0.0,0.14494872926997707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957236112607392,0.16642379598166376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314923209837153,0.0,0.0,0.3489340059391946,0.12067019620328427,0.12171621310374983,0.12660371045438396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414058205454442,0.0,0.0,0.1801889878104999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627710928716684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417748771427644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672843416209234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,milky_latte,2018/02/25,"Acting Out When I feel overwhelmed by life events, I act out. Whether I’m in a relationship or not, but my behaviors will be different. When I’m in a relationship, I’ll have fits of uncontrollable anger, I’ll stray and cheat. When I’m single, I’ll sleep around recklessly, not using protection and doing things I wouldn’t normally do. In the past, I would also spend recklessly and now am stuck with overwhelming debts. All these behaviors lead me to feel regret, shame, guilt, self-hatred. I’m great at self-punishment. I’ve been stable for a couple of months, my mind and heart are calm and I haven’t indulged in any “bad” or reckless behaviors, which of course is great, but what about the next time life throws shit my way? Which it will, that’s how life works - hurdle after hurdle. That’s fine, I understand that; I’m just afraid I’ll lose my way again. I’ve done group DBT, I’m followed by a psychiatrist, and I’m on medication. I’m looking into continuing therapy for something more individualized to my specific needs.",5.178979591836736,6.565198530612246,5.7638775510204106,78.67397959183674,68.79591836734693,9.681632653061223,27.775510204081634,9.957137785484203,2.6076367346938776,816,27,157,20,14,264,120,196,0.199,0.705,0.096,-0.9741,3,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,3,10,16,3,6,6,0,14,7,3,3,1,32,30,16,0,5,8,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,3,0,2,5,4,12,0,0,3,3,12,4,22,22,3,30,0,4,1,0,3,11,1,2,12,87,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921283138926593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137407771954933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270569272184926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446890040780095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649453420795819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574852058824146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255242145541875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507505732838654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328704831421342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665104790040004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158819046924065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518294244783248,0.16677344643850334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017436545608948,0.0,0.0,0.15052023299547332,0.0,0.1189878550047348,0.0,0.0,0.1105350054645949,0.0,0.0,0.15853977229137375,0.0,0.1460589174070018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230610002234995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32009509710880385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110292326555966,0.0,0.15302027456716813,0.0,0.0,0.14917966658435386,0.0,0.0,0.11476291519087264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047683354568552,0.0,0.09903681854532896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692508699818023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518921822039847,0.0,0.12875035240407418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366528433322637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085261976726149,0.0,0.0,0.10589647779798704,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,femmefatale04,2018/02/25,"Looking for understanding I've spent so much of my life with people saying I don't think the same as others. My perceptions of peoples words and actions are way off base. My emotions drive me. Now I'm dating someone with a very high IQ and extremely logical mindset. He sees me as drama and while he tries to understand he just can't get past the fact that my thoughts make no sense...especially my fears. My mom and sister have become a sounding board where I run to them, filter conversations and they try and translate things to me. Its tiresome for all involved and I feel like an alien. People try to get close to me but I don't let them and if they do I quickly become more work than I'm worth. I just want to hear that other people feel this too. I feel so alone. I feel so broken. Worst part is I've done a ton of research on my issues. I've been in therapy and treatments for years. I have made a lot of progress on the outside with things like my eating disorder but its a constant battle to fight my brain. I feel like I'm trying to control myself because I know why I do what I do but I still cannot stop it.",2.9703030303030324,4.344033844155845,4.075606060606063,88.70007575757576,74.1948051948052,6.691774891774893,24.95454545454545,7.1686216300943375,0.9496077922077926,882,28,187,9,18,287,137,231,0.12,0.802,0.078,-0.9161,0,1,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,4,3,10,7,2,1,9,0,14,3,1,3,2,41,36,19,0,2,6,2,5,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,11,13,1,2,12,1,2,3,5,4,0,0,5,10,32,3,25,30,8,20,0,0,2,0,14,7,0,2,12,124,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383462096750406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288650286635798,0.2641031550938982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347552671858934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292086867875404,0.1341037653148025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703333132007206,0.0,0.0,0.12235783098736855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234616821481335,0.0,0.13449598723128173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454532182279008,0.3022815533037369,0.17083636822197862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249369070847386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475990281538391,0.0,0.0,0.12632835394092673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479614632625913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571050808975135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222646361742599,0.08445320923692369,0.17524215472765914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040557316888987,0.0,0.0,0.10165098717408376,0.0,0.11313651809261087,0.0798114294933897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003459810045962,0.0,0.0,0.08789498334484787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947864442870813,0.11413955654643446,0.33156885300961303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508391579124237,0.0,0.0,0.09527885578004616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130813264618517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548579660027763,0.09996277535887099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367344771537471,0.0,0.1588690653283054,0.07661325312872885,0.0,0.09492228151456264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247106595433004,0.0,0.0,0.248945456950646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865471429919154,0.07052329788112878,0.09490615858756267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788998271849813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870456858425428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699677300898787 bpd,hunter2ismypass,2018/02/25,"My theory about borderline personality disorder Just wanted to run this theory by you all to see what you think. I think that ""borderline personality disorder"" may actually just be untreated depression. I'm not personally diagnosed with bpd but I have some of the same traits. I have unstable relationships but I think this is simply a result of people being shitty. Damn near all people are shitty. I'm a bit of an asshole myself at times so I fall into this group also. I used to have unstable moods and was depressed alot but after years and years of trying different medications I've finally found the right combo. I'm no longer depressed and don't really have mood swings anymore but I still have unstable relationships. So I guess I can see how unstable relationships can be part of a personality disorder. Also, since I gave up sugar I've noticed that moods are more stable. If I consume sugar I've noticed that my mood gets really bad. I'm on a zero carb diet but I'm not completely sure yet if any type of carb (such as carbs from plants) disrupt my mood. Anyways, I was just curious about what you all thought about this. EDIT: I seem to have offended some people here. I apologize. Wasn't my intention.",3.4201315789473696,6.17726750438597,5.452719298245615,72.88986842105264,77.90350877192982,9.4140350877193,26.16666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.2244087719298253,973,38,165,32,24,335,124,228,0.236,0.732,0.032,-0.9944,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,0,0,16,12,2,0,8,0,19,5,0,4,4,38,37,16,0,3,12,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,9,5,3,0,6,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,6,4,22,1,23,27,10,15,0,3,2,0,13,6,1,8,7,116,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.10638647887857172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436435430956004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413642222613945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811720926520077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102602126930656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902013313479168,0.0,0.13730517666205508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430398316036727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816928174004765,0.11065163763789584,0.0,0.11390128860525996,0.3748344626871649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942460521299242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953332562558207,0.0,0.0,0.05695774644238531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009633679025075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098248232235036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24823691727663014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805657705408296,0.0,0.2267394211036257,0.3807635298723885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968028096819296,0.0,0.0,0.35113570163507996,0.0,0.09310133371444866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737475029747515,0.09924648693872604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901813560582978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706243684932934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274878996099718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095642519566804,0.0,0.08654863272022853,0.06356965307806937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401650899226637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415711296529984,0.0,0.0,0.06430202592208738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040887600821805 bpd,FrankWest21CP,2018/02/25,I heard from someone that people with BPD are almost always in and out of the Hospital. How true is that? I’m curious about the disorder and want to have a good idea of how it works. Is it true that Borderline people are usually in and out of the hospital?,3.366538461538461,4.764211038461539,5.1376923076923084,81.38230769230772,73.23076923076924,9.815384615384616,26.461538461538463,10.125756701596842,2.6989846153846155,202,7,41,6,4,69,34,52,0.046,0.7390000000000001,0.214,0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,5,0,0,2,2,13,8,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,11,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,31,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978322915827216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474848472854492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37460155388632416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408795297848405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494694272654317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357612636443452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4123997921396967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201072094752097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275761458066661,0.0,0.17543139606264646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21653193550771324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BackgroundDare,2018/02/25,"I want everything to stop It is too painful to live. To deal with disappointing others, to constantly disappoint myself. There is only so much I can take after a certain point. Even if I get through today I can't deal with these feelings. It hurts so much to feel like this. I want everything to stop so badly. ",2.802500000000002,5.249859583333336,3.846666666666668,85.295,78.16666666666666,7.333333333333335,25.0,8.344100000000001,1.7935000000000008,245,9,47,5,6,79,41,60,0.292,0.604,0.104,-0.9336,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,10,10,4,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,6,2,10,10,2,6,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983075383776228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21980346420936667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419393554499626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434397934086414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36560614727819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569060559218302,0.14530921442566214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626826132048199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177442271724159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937111206769547,0.0,0.17960619070417813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990452469746042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469509314831115,0.21643225918962294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227902757826987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401035156713834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152931711556599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279970071647304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399415328356387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CannabisQueen111,2018/02/25,"Why does everyone hate people with BPD? I was diagnosed two years ago with BPD, DPD, anxiety and PTSD. I've never encountered stigma in the health system, with psychologists or psychiatrists.. I feel things too much, I love too much, I never intentionally harm. I was a handful as a teenager to my family but I always knew there was something wrong with me. I do my best to be generous and make people happy. I dont have a toxic mouth and it takes alot to make me blow up since I became an adult. I suppose at my worst, I have stress meltdowns. And yet, all over reddit I see everyone saying BPD means you're an attention seeking asshole who feels no empathy or compassionate. Do people not realize it's genuinely not attention seeking? I'm not saying I'm suicidal because I want attention.. its because I actually feel that way. I'm happy an hour later because I actually feel that way. Yeah its weird to think someone can go through 4 legitimate emotions in an hour, but damn its worse for us when we're driving the car but cant control it. I'm gobsmacked by the ignorance on here, either that or I lack complete self awareness. Are we really all that bad? How does the fact that my emotional needs weren't met as a child, inheritly make me an asshole? I didnt choose to feel emotions like 3rd degree burns from slightest fire.",4.093988095238096,6.026499812500003,5.527566964285715,77.14526041666669,72.359375,8.938690476190477,29.768601190476193,9.48565724429506,2.9558648065476185,1056,45,192,26,21,355,155,256,0.158,0.69,0.152,0.3014,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,0,2,7,15,2,1,14,1,14,5,2,6,5,48,37,14,1,3,10,0,7,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,13,9,0,2,13,0,1,3,10,9,0,1,7,10,26,6,21,29,9,21,0,0,1,1,11,6,1,4,10,120,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.19265887352284786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750292618056102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213694320931621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551500884038022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242105060657136,0.18052318897525485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359297571060412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729758839198029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349847493301388,0.0,0.11071477990287522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019139690254956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727684433121397,0.0,0.1156906465538708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331157836435698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886485888850712,0.0,0.0,0.09305762664177326,0.0,0.24956074547317986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056100749441246385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101631862155211,0.0,0.09745843668598472,0.0,0.10492707235861316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442441424609436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822607962034303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909214070215031,0.0,0.1976746475988573,0.0,0.0,0.10752715937958222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451305071523979,0.07319427784246765,0.15226676746813805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053050439939216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153899609064891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323793650366613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157000734236191,0.0,0.0,0.07866130769947305,0.0,0.10297896117359498,0.0,0.0,0.08165623420427917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363902073863405,0.07599392305800225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307515946195418,0.0,0.0,0.10797576291782808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421972789214172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558038679939038,0.06325116552752158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964280455062429,0.0,0.118739323818298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822335699974731,0.15670722495797873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890729329065679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059675919147472,0.0,0.1079269320670216,0.0,0.06356779585502641 bpd,SailorLunaMoon,2018/02/25,"Sad sundays I hate it so much when you wake up in the morning and everything feels heavy. You feel weighted by your own existence. In short terms, everything sucks and there's nothing you can do about it. I don't want to be around my partner. I don't want to talk to anyone, just lay on my couch and feel miserable. I tried going for a walk, but it was raining out. It felt nice for a while because nobody was on the street, but I got cold walking in jeans. I'm sad, moody, pouty, angry and miserable. And I woke up like this. Fuck you BPD. ",0.8893243243243241,3.0897411081081114,2.15623873873874,96.07868243243246,83.86486486486487,5.501801801801802,20.96171171171171,6.816661863887847,0.2930414414414417,417,13,94,5,12,133,75,111,0.258,0.687,0.055,-0.9731,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,0,0,6,10,3,2,4,0,7,3,1,0,0,16,20,10,0,2,3,0,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,7,1,0,4,0,0,3,2,8,0,0,5,6,13,2,16,14,3,18,0,4,0,1,7,11,2,0,5,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405252053614053,0.0,0.0,0.2088625116361635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302283808890778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954970481063314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217246124069553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35589441629291496,0.0,0.2252730387962609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21690341600821345,0.0,0.0,0.1333405716387208,0.0,0.18764791779791834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316397514855831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114624012843279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247349615342544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251252625175892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885795439289548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592923183965778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767711940533798,0.0,0.0,0.2857052789302815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brand21new,2018/02/25,"Convincing myself that anyone that leaves my life is now dead I'm new here, haven't been online in a year and a half, but was skimming through and I feel so relieved to relate to all of you. I want to be quick right now, but this is always in my head. I got diagnosed Jan 2017. And it was about time. I have been in rehab for half of the past year, jail for the other. In treatment, they often misdiagnose because the symptoms between drug use, getting clean, and truly a mental health issue are so overlapped. BUT. I have a history preceding treatment, so my diagnosis is valid - Bipolar, depression, anxiety, BPD. Yhough I think my file here (I'm still in treatment) says PTSD. I argue over that one. They keep bringing up OCD and ADD but who knows. But yes - The fun abandonment issues! I have had a lot of changes. Rehab to a different rehab,with new people, new place, jail, people continuously leaving or coming in these facilities... Just constantly people coming in and out of my life. I hate this. Don't want to get close to anyone because they all leave. Or I leave. Abandoned. Spent 3 months with a counselor. We got as close to baring my soul as I can get with my defensive armor always on. And then boom. Moving on. Never going to see them again. So, to deal with it, I consider everyone dead. My counselors, the ""friends"" i met in jail, someone i went months laughing with in a facility, meetings. I can't do it. I can't think about them, or my past. Everything. I cannot think of them. they don't exist. they never did. i don't know them, their names... And that's how I deal with it, and I'm pretty good at it. Real good, actually. I don't know, just hard because I could be so in love with life and a person. Then something splits us. YOU are DEAD to me... I guess since that's such a popular saying I'm not alone... Just reading these posts, it's nice because literally everything I think or do, I've come to realize, I'm never the only one. Everything. Not alone. really, thank god I am textbook BDP. relief in a way, know exactly how to FIX me. thanks, i was supposed to go to bed 2 hours ago. =O",0.9445495811689852,3.401598374701674,2.8499171697318566,89.26314287051336,86.73269689737471,5.768374748467406,21.103514436800968,7.208032530483347,0.7877080911600913,1625,54,331,26,51,541,209,419,0.101,0.74,0.159,0.9738,1,2,2,0,0,0,91.0,2,2,10,0,21,19,3,0,17,1,30,12,1,3,6,69,68,30,3,3,14,0,2,0,1,0,10,3,2,1,17,24,0,4,10,1,1,8,13,6,0,4,12,6,51,13,50,53,3,57,1,3,1,1,26,22,0,7,25,217,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0779994410580548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708524783543757,0.0,0.0,0.16556524400061398,0.0,0.0,0.1330151172047433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061145675497217125,0.0,0.0,0.11177681304240246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489657314147527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066812199172158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455457318282772,0.2065559752506742,0.0,0.0863751493235148,0.0,0.06381702103332984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480714271509256,0.06884296619555798,0.0811265301652229,0.0,0.08350907879132675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269258146450758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637584618017244,0.2155058316187554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04041464231779813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175315847917835,0.0,0.12527923942768926,0.0,0.0908512962697513,0.134081764886551,0.12785348348776715,0.0,0.08805110613211813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160092940028616,0.07891360983170212,0.08203049426835188,0.08496108013274882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871423393034951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668507906384709,0.0,0.07104481086824603,0.0,0.0,0.17570815366954454,0.0,0.0,0.3385342392952951,0.0,0.0,0.16936922911423194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795301008268463,0.07213929003492471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054990818252009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275975671713898,0.08495216839554434,0.0,0.0,0.18493914975823447,0.2315885714246989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832428869998033,0.06078981429324992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526030715973304,0.16623868275681722,0.06979115865662952,0.08350907879132675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765501495783732,0.08131680630287569,0.0,0.0,0.09343304349124178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995090355639105,0.09097701205599913,0.051204739348439714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825916289395217,0.0,0.1271259329217954,0.0,0.0,0.06369328254924042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611832105500255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772381410693587,0.061533459777341065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383162111372111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307711960089338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717627251460635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048618043780727,0.0,0.0,0.046607402186920034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614507466057892,0.06903322922564342,0.0,0.0,0.09428871288329836,0.06344413695033692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409523736707496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294366317669937 bpd,loopypeppers,2018/02/25,"I want to recover but it's so hard I've been doing so unbelievably well lately. A lot of really big changes happened in my life over the past few months, and I have been feeling so good about the way I approached everything. I'm doing so well. My life is going great. I didn't have an FP for the first time in a decade and felt fine with that. I stopped cutting. I stopped doing drugs. I stopped most of the behaviors associated with my BPD. I finally felt like I was recovering successfully. But now that everything has started settling down, it feels like my BPD is taking over again. I'm still going to therapy and still taking my meds, but I just feel like I can't handle my emotions anymore. I've been dating my boyfriend for a while, but it wasn't until very recently that my attachment to him grew much stronger, and I realized that he was all of a sudden becoming my FP. He talked about how a character in a video game had a nice butt (which she did) and my first thought in my head was ""well clearly he loves her and not me so I might as well be dead."" All I can think about is cutting or fucking myself up in some way. The urges are so overwhelming. I know this feeling will pass. I know I'll get through it. I know this is my BPD tricking me. I guess I'm just tired of having to fight with these feelings. Some days it feels like it'd just be easier to give in. If I go back to fucking everything up, then no one will expect anything good of me, and then I can stop fighting with my own brain. If I can't do anything right, I'll just prove to myself that I'm useless, and that the world would be better off without me. ",3.1820597014925376,4.352175623880598,4.253910447761194,88.43101492537315,73.3582089552239,7.628656716417911,26.832835820895525,8.109356740369918,1.4818083582089554,1274,45,279,19,25,415,169,335,0.08800000000000001,0.693,0.219,0.9944,0,0,1,0,4,1,35.0,0,0,0,4,23,25,7,1,14,0,35,10,3,1,4,57,66,27,1,5,13,0,9,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,16,12,0,4,15,2,0,6,7,9,4,3,13,9,43,16,37,45,9,48,0,2,0,4,12,15,3,9,29,196,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778258499126447,0.0,0.0,0.14567975916601456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680621756198004,0.0,0.0,0.09775729492354723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782838693063076,0.0,0.0,0.3344426873943614,0.09881143923377847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363658897922554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708452047936353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264870160539334,0.0,0.0,0.09956688238069307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386533361628961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685335003658419,0.18970429822399565,0.1699755738685758,0.09696329223077682,0.0,0.15058075217213476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636604309466191,0.046245165334644615,0.08491115994832706,0.15091446565485556,0.14848350166872976,0.0,0.0975875326662126,0.09750868490852672,0.0,0.07827306713900636,0.0,0.07929159292529855,0.0,0.09084139847717113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593573900975418,0.0,0.09984819498061173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250407974820099,0.17297482615996684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525185020158974,0.07988777893358512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831963914639164,0.0,0.0,0.09389988120928824,0.0,0.0,0.07065141778991937,0.0,0.06506833139564477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059979706097830536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449709196231013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056704645907100074,0.0,0.08739737589150258,0.0,0.0,0.07559088691923138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265100836637663,0.0,0.14137556480072275,0.29600829293111997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310375455407936,0.07114459051664024,0.0,0.0,0.10122402819900816,0.0,0.0,0.0567165082029765,0.0,0.0702706142646114,0.051613508266781835,0.10173437999085083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303372046362333,0.052208136835741735,0.14051735704265594,0.0,0.0,0.3183406102428297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853248053042909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287815084227535,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gpine98,2018/02/25,"I just want love that's all I want to be loved equally as I love others And I can scream and beg I want love I need care I need it or I'll die and it's like suddenly everyone disappears",-3.0490180878552984,-2.029345255813954,0.2686821705426379,101.64602067183463,117.83720930232558,4.701808785529716,14.080103359173124,6.42735559955562,-0.4094113695090438,146,4,38,3,9,51,27,43,0.16,0.374,0.465,0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,11,12,5,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,11,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,2,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21921416201865934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231435203399428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544858616464984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504165372050002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7762095419347108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31885021747475256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804504379721135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,themaximation,2018/02/25,"[Venting] i'm terrified. I had a 3-hour long conversation with my friend with BPD, and I figured out a lot about myself, and almost all of the symptoms hit too close to home. I also mentioned me splitting without even knowing it was a term or something people with BPD experienced at all. I spoke to my therapist, and she's very seriously considering diagnosing me with BPD officially. But the only thing is: I'm terrified. This is the first diagnosis that I've been given that I've been terrified about (I have adhd, panic disorder, and depression), and I don't know why. I guess because it's a scary thing that's been in control of my life without me knowing for so long. It could just be the stigma. All I know is that it's hard dealing with BPD for so long, especially experiencing without being able to pinpoint it at all. Anyways, it's late, I'm tired, and I wanted to vent out some thoughts before I went to bed. Hope you guys are doing well!",6.073685503685503,6.277186108108107,7.170171990171991,73.61103194103197,66.29729729729729,9.97051597051597,34.11547911547912,9.800150414767053,3.257108108108108,750,32,141,15,11,254,108,185,0.15,0.805,0.044,-0.9617,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,2,10,6,0,1,8,0,15,4,0,1,4,38,30,11,0,3,6,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,2,1,13,14,0,1,6,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,9,4,19,3,24,17,7,13,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,6,6,102,32,0,0.11198264191051913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458137405107884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213444001427494,0.0,0.0,0.08955247827762795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826357912334835,0.0,0.0952889803545503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5641528693923143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559805497996165,0.08940902745504521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544918666843962,0.09645048538775752,0.113660024323083,0.0,0.0,0.12834180935056805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396347884844877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525237800272844,0.0,0.0,0.08651751135511326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336150509911817,0.11088042137729504,0.0,0.0,0.10031445151934427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232772034277644,0.11122403077632144,0.11028034509642567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617092557972545,0.0,0.1263212976956207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909665170156499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973033426077248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520363761515273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516784530405537,0.0,0.13138750227391666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763466397119022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620970871960401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639284233281585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300204783194839,0.1487925827800535,0.0,0.0,0.08890170909446841,0.0,0.12870757356403972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239740734717873,0.06605026356903129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068584365220258,0.10380903095713227,0.1010469165385119,0.0,0.0,0.32384181207553475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_ironic_username,2018/02/25,"What do you do when you find yourself in a hole? I've been in a low mood lately and have been feeling like just running away from everything, yet I am sitting here listening to a song on repeat that's just lowering my mood even further. What do you do to help pull yourself out of a rut?",6.311,4.867270766666668,6.763333333333335,82.19500000000005,66.33333333333334,10.0,35.0,8.841846274778883,2.7115,226,9,49,3,3,74,44,60,0.069,0.8109999999999999,0.119,0.4515,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,10,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,1,9,8,0,14,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939237704565272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769279609280957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768183932219189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199863316607187,0.299530984956629,0.0,0.0,0.3832108303749845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28103198379255284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472961790565816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048371618518352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,scampae,2018/02/25,"Just got angry at my brother and I immediately regret it He lives in another state and is pretty much the only person I interact with outside of work and school nowadays. Of course he's very busy and doesn't have time to talk most days, and doesn't respond to most texts or calls at all, I guess because he's so busy. So of course, tonight when I'm feeling especially awful I just blow up at him for not responding to any messages. I don't know how I could be so fucking stupid. As soon as I hit send I started to feel sick and anxious, but the damage was done. He got back to me later, and was pretty angry as one would expect. He told me he's busy with work and other responsibilities and he would make time for me when he could. So here I am now, trying to save face and frantically pacing around my apartment trying not to self harm or do anything else equally as stupid. This always happens. I feel ignored, all this righteous indignation boils up inside, and I lash out at someone and accuse them of avoiding me for whatever reason. And then it blows up in my face and I do something awful as some sort of self penance or just to distract myself. I just hate being alone. And I'm always alone. I know other people have things to do but it feels like I'm the last thing on the to-deal-with list of people I care about. And yeah that's probably not true, so I guess I have some fucking borderline gremlin in my head that's always trying to grab the controls and pilot me off a cliff? The last suicide attempt I had was immediately after something like this with my ex-best friend, who won't even speak to me anymore. I've driven away every single friend willing to deal with me, so I guess it's time to get cracking on family too. Some sick voice in my head tells me the good news is that if all my friends and family are sick of me, none of them will mind too much if they hear I leapt off a parking garage. Or maybe I'm the sick voice, and all those thoughts are the real me. TL;DR - If I can't make people spend time with me, I can sure as hell make sure they avoid me.",4.245685714285717,4.82854421647059,5.017172268907565,86.12663235294121,70.36470588235295,7.389075630252101,26.002100840336126,7.1686216300943375,1.0496100840336131,1632,46,345,14,28,529,206,425,0.189,0.7040000000000001,0.107,-0.991,0,6,2,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,4,5,22,25,6,4,11,3,30,11,4,6,7,84,60,44,1,9,16,1,5,2,3,5,4,4,0,3,16,26,1,4,8,0,1,2,9,14,0,1,10,9,47,11,55,40,14,39,1,2,0,2,33,19,3,16,19,226,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807870938292924,0.0,0.0,0.21786652705974094,0.0,0.0,0.05935194134916048,0.0915184517562637,0.0,0.09859914523139593,0.08655619020256114,0.0,0.0,0.0718222466579884,0.07769580417704762,0.0,0.0,0.08200042754337694,0.06711129114201655,0.0,0.053203776656477464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915927351079927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912045881117839,0.0,0.08898560052755898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978895474198231,0.13936854729505602,0.0,0.0,0.056287002857405975,0.17995929371300015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931555851924032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290945728033901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764620695141694,0.0,0.073535365852597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455560791282375,0.0,0.17652124458580132,0.06235132447190812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022919868892709,0.16137396034826695,0.04559908240401804,0.0,0.0,0.07320453261691846,0.1396081638705472,0.0,0.288439225554269,0.0,0.07717952812275779,0.0,0.0,0.0861688228780625,0.17914453910508862,0.0,0.09836849745397253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593126460741326,0.14228621822497212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527911290631822,0.0,0.07706795414194935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477595861004502,0.0,0.08768234672436781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812576391890077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283185467597058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914174035560892,0.0663787495185782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18152244765515665,0.07620766559232882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758593211654816,0.09410030057526136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934131836761337,0.0,0.08973618172649929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832985931519349,0.0,0.0,0.1820996963890448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395025211561174,0.1343815295723044,0.0,0.0,0.06177572233811511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546781896336333,0.0,0.1645167104735768,0.0,0.0,0.07015064217184358,0.07628470127647786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159670712264596,0.0,0.0,0.0692888760856585,0.20356970071025374,0.0,0.0,0.08339774058869044,0.0,0.1777678245860785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201337942234373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127078650953197,0.0,0.0,0.12399938289424756,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kay-Ber,2018/02/25,"The guy with colon cancer on the front page.. I've never been more envious of another person. You're in my situation and you have an out. Rest with the peace you deserved during life. Wish I knew how to link his post here for more exposure, but here's the link to the image. https://i.redd.it/66s6xot6c8i01.jpg",4.927894736842107,7.392640736842107,4.382315789473683,83.94821052631579,71.45614035087719,8.068771929824562,21.92631578947368,8.841846274778883,1.4547642105263163,250,6,46,5,5,75,45,57,0.047,0.855,0.098,0.23,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,6,0,2,3,1,1,1,11,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,9,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,31,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844515303495691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3630289035349256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589670059315168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827735483173782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32013384294751024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511375084529202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121160657500028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216151886837605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rustikate,2018/02/25,"how to find a new hobby as someone with BPD: a guide step 1: see a cool video of someone doing something on the internet. for example, playing the harp. step 2: realize that this is your purpose in life. this is what you were put on the world to do. holy fuck you’re going to be the best harp player in the whole world. you’re going to be famous. you’re going to win america’s got talent. holy shit. step 3: order whatever you need to get into this hobby, like a very expensive harp. step 4: when the stuff comes in the mail, start dicking around with it. hey, if i hit this string it makes a funny noise! step 5: get super into it for a few days. you’re doing it, man. it only took you a week to learn how to play twinkle twinkle little star. you’re like some kind of prodigy. step 6: get bored and slowly abandon hobby. whatever. harps aren’t even that cool. step 7: see new cool video of someone doing something online. holy fuck, you never realized how cool skateboards were! you’re going to be the next tony hawk. hell yeah. step 8: repeat steps 2-7, until your house is filled with paraphernalia from various hobbies you’ve abandoned as soon as they stopped being instantly gratifying. wonder if you’re a hoarder. hey, maybe you can get on that tv show about hoarders! holy shit, you’re going to be the best hoarder ever. ",1.5070101781170493,3.994110820610686,2.9037862595419845,89.79891094147587,83.92366412213741,5.325394402035624,20.565394402035626,6.742157984588678,0.4724652417302799,1033,31,203,12,30,335,144,262,0.099,0.742,0.16,0.9421,1,0,2,0,0,0,45.0,0,7,1,4,9,22,5,0,17,5,16,6,3,4,2,26,37,11,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,8,0,3,5,6,1,18,2,8,0,0,4,6,9,14,33,27,6,44,1,2,2,3,12,12,6,4,15,106,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168281405816316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633175500914996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580079719422534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806959904876758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090901356384986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286278365100425,0.11348251638959685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114664897049991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231964881479778,0.26218321029259584,0.0,0.3564988793842979,0.0,0.10033896149029067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475986710944172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064355795997706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861358118234422,0.12258334167001285,0.12574029362241404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374313599913884,0.0,0.12603783858245754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302434740380874,0.09675972693860448,0.24233318864555475,0.13342432827469652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541526236093406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611835560062928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994505118071068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25755842904846804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31889645820881896,0.1931649661013332,0.0,0.0,0.08879870134910793,0.0,0.0,0.10488718652035467,0.0,0.0,0.14361758822534046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393867011972262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351468716893046,0.0,0.0,0.10063357446876743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006761507173707,0.0,0.0,0.13605213825600465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,krizzi28,2018/02/25,"Small victories a little bit of back story. I started therapy about 5 weeks ago after putting it off for the 2 years since my official BPD diagnosis. I found a therapist I really click with who specializes in DBT. Well my husband paints houses and has been off he past week because they haven’t had work. Well the house was getting messy, loaded clean dishwasher but the sink full of dirty dishes, clutter all over the counter, clean and dirty laundry in the rooms, toys all over the place and we were getting ready to go out. His mom was coming to watch the kids and I was trying to straighten up. I work from 730pm to 5am so I can be home during the day. Well I lost it on my husband screaming about how I’m the only one who cleans and that he doesn’t help with anything. Started throwing things around and having a rage episode. Well I went outside to smoke an emergency cigarette and calm down. When I came in I calmly told him that instead of flipping out I could have calmly asked him to help me clean up the house and that i appreciated him letting me catch up on sleep while he’s been home. I apologized for losing it and he said that he’s been trying not to yell back when I get triggered because he knows it makes things worse. This might not sound like a big deal but it is HUGE for us. Usually I dwell on a fight like that for at least a day but I was super proud of the way we made up.",3.682088170957428,4.94132541342756,4.134265522463404,89.42451118963487,72.25088339222614,7.227932020864882,25.490324751808853,7.62386473244151,1.1099504963822984,1104,34,235,13,21,347,166,283,0.126,0.69,0.184,0.9507,0,0,2,0,1,0,18.0,3,0,1,6,14,18,2,1,18,0,20,2,1,4,2,33,38,17,0,1,5,3,0,2,0,1,0,4,7,1,15,18,1,0,2,1,0,7,4,6,4,1,16,6,29,12,40,18,5,50,0,2,2,0,28,26,0,1,18,153,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558016928273178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873061371725785,0.09598692200083858,0.1008016220268066,0.0,0.0,0.16582121355086785,0.0,0.13145798062500716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771674273182245,0.0,0.1358015466053096,0.0,0.0,0.12332283326089814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288150788494344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608931988204219,0.0,0.0,0.13907613699764934,0.11116262243449844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822431524765767,0.0,0.0,0.16900200515527794,0.0,0.06127931216171895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454536584517502,0.0,0.21631410884257826,0.0,0.0,0.3732459874940836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059257683930593726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025815165524988,0.0,0.10535549049967402,0.10806876472517586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062835788556953,0.11770349389332616,0.0,0.0,0.10202642202953027,0.07197388363682106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438506125182375,0.0,0.12628308918644607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306486725553056,0.08200561047072849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293096130939283,0.0,0.0,0.11265395470851665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839369390895816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907532056286597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256606554842876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919377932722472,0.0,0.10790265833250036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263788062742822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330704274154693,0.12519289011269247,0.14326799675198176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303120619861747,0.0,0.1464119072540893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296999445212983,0.0,0.11875377122715056,0.0,0.0,0.08558629832791896,0.17298108298325285,0.0,0.38778973660689936,0.09995465924519556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699546051702662,0.0,0.10988267127175642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943562865790556 bpd,pyrom4ncy,2018/02/25,Abandonment issues lol so fun You know your fear of abandonment is bad when you get triggered by someone you have talked to for like a week doesn't answer you,3.3363440860215086,5.803677903225813,3.285161290322584,89.91440860215056,76.41935483870971,6.713978494623658,23.23655913978495,7.793537801064563,1.1375720430107528,129,4,25,2,3,39,27,31,0.3,0.488,0.212,-0.6071,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,5,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,4,5,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3445112419377102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464299785414943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557114868049254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306565488483543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267590904852299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015798932617176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496022277932885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316394479097233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309700147442084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Waffleisnow,2018/02/25,Close friendships I have had a few breakdowns in my close friendships recently including one within a therapeutic community for people with personality disorders. It's taking a massive toll on me and I have had an existential crisis. I feel so alone and pointless. I am looking for any links or advice to help me get through this. How do you all fair with friendships? How do I live without that kind of intimacy?,4.232700000000001,7.2281559200000025,5.372916666666669,73.23937500000002,76.46666666666667,8.016666666666666,32.04166666666667,8.841846274778883,3.341966666666667,334,17,54,8,8,110,58,75,0.081,0.7509999999999999,0.168,0.6972,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,2,1,13,11,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,9,1,11,9,2,6,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,1,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878768270246892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30511369723938303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033609567812194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376337411737889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489571197701963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391479920740855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974621922974864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30677749301659485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601345917881601,0.0,0.2473873252378951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962658482812212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423650074750094,0.25723078029910235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29087904571762085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22150031800833167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28398104279200725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,juzchillie,2018/02/25,"When/how to tell a girl I am dating about my mental health? So I (25M) have recently started dating a girl (20F) and we get on great and she is really sweet and cute and I like her a lot and she likes me a lot. I want for it to develop into a relationship and I think she probably feels the same. I have quite a lot of scars from self harm, though not as many/noticeable as some people. I am proud of myself for having not self harmed in about 6 months, but obviously scars are there. I have some on my wrist which I think it's pretty obvious what they are and she has never mentioned them or asked about them but she has asked about other scars in different parts of my body (chest, upper arms, backs of arms), asking how I got them, and they are also all from self harm but I didn't want to say that because I was worried it would put her off so I made up things like climbing over barbed wire fence etc. I really like her and I feel bad for lying and I think it's not fair on her to enter a relationship with me without knowing about my struggles with mental health (even though at the moment things aren't too bad). She casually mentioned that she had anxiety and took citalopram for it, so she must have some understanding of mental health. But (not to belittle anxiety at all) personality disorders, especially BPD, can be much more impacting on relationships and are generally much less 'treatable'. So I feel like it's really not something that I should hide from her before things get serious. But how can I breach the topic? Thanks :) ",3.956721967963386,5.4027222236842105,4.8582036613272335,83.77329519450805,71.82894736842105,8.444851258581236,24.07265446224256,8.964715089967882,1.6028754576659034,1212,33,248,24,23,394,156,304,0.118,0.754,0.129,0.1587,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,5,3,18,18,0,1,10,0,24,8,5,3,6,58,44,29,0,5,12,0,3,5,0,3,3,1,0,6,15,16,0,1,8,1,0,4,9,7,0,0,6,5,45,11,39,34,15,25,0,0,0,0,35,13,0,7,13,185,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319155839114368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003092942606127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566872247384478,0.0,0.0,0.07037616104003844,0.15283711805035266,0.05579206554067182,0.0,0.07788002190214033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016623211784604,0.11527103569833372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562290238494364,0.10489421637205354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207324221441877,0.0604506138195928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883156609597025,0.06538462868802503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563482722310594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319995231701397,0.10090532446070416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918565929467658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029909283446245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22356955443408325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23343081293483894,0.0,0.08660204268601035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767034238217437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305343255357115,0.0,0.13456106353362893,0.0,0.07058880511533408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042004651560472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991113681133703,0.0,0.0634510864524418,0.0799150613100539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311261893794044,0.09867814781251466,0.0,0.0,0.0920067088511734,0.0,0.09734683862251732,0.0,0.0,0.17589749030512114,0.0,0.09036872160207322,0.2947869627505635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278340780618375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28643788564501554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045950096515317,0.0,0.0,0.06478102432021329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956805589470152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999584467185854,0.08426282832798851,0.0,0.0,0.1824130591386883,0.1759342870797159,0.17984335874269625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016863213423844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527951475261222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796622976253012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822568752941536,0.0,0.0,0.09294687248940514,0.0,0.06501588921128255,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dynobite,2018/02/26,"I was making a lot of progress I had a job that I loved in a field I’m studying for. I got started on medication that seems to be helping. Seeing a therapist regularly. Started communicating better with my friends and SO. aaaaaaaaaaand Then I walked out of my job because my manager said something to piss me off. This was 4 days ago and I haven’t been back since. Definitely getting fired for doing no call/no shows. Such is the life of a borderline. ",2.1311363636363647,4.757308022727276,3.664727272727273,84.46209090909093,82.4090909090909,6.701818181818182,28.11818181818181,7.908726449838941,2.0399963636363627,358,17,70,7,10,118,66,88,0.094,0.71,0.195,0.8442,2,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,6,0,8,4,1,1,0,7,18,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,3,10,3,12,11,1,11,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,2,6,47,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635009016457125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703230412555561,0.0,0.1350268917824357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19590244625715209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261805327316539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428518710740676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711335794732281,0.0,0.11572679144378176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715712698938516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846958228655632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4396174386274345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564549525063982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18831493218846784,0.19991616993156106,0.0,0.1478557597003271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22314215723743333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21070119847441773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765101526705948,0.20164908573241933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18323054608968464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052473895110787,0.0,0.0,0.31356359638860026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25718342461684185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CaptainVivi,2018/02/26,"Majorly obsessing over someone. My obsessing and idolizing of someone usually goes as far as buying the same clothes/accessories, mimicking personality traits, hair colour etc. Today though I spent an hour going through my currents insta and using it with google maps to figure out where they live. I live no where near them and wouldn't do anything in person, I think it was to get an idea of the environment they live in but it still freaked me out after because it felt really satisfying to figure it out. Should I tell this to my psychiatrist, would they do anything?",7.007822468793344,8.505024650485439,7.103911234396674,70.33883495145632,64.63106796116503,10.934257975034676,34.13176144244105,10.914260884657429,4.133092649098474,461,20,76,13,7,148,71,103,0.077,0.88,0.042,-0.1664,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,2,4,0,6,1,1,1,0,18,12,7,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,5,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,3,3,12,0,18,6,3,18,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,0,6,57,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134201035434305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160861290512139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21238302352761665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284544904084116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994933310608376,0.0,0.10822740629292306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753804791781525,0.0,0.0,0.2149755659082866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044672220170001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33255732801689275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219961928365335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322706358456136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520799609088402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644674933873066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220217137601205,0.1870993585708801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050812362465268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16447288379755887,0.2097349365394237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352780692419134,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LadyMethaneCuddles,2018/02/26,"How do you deal with paranoia in relationships? I'm constantly scared that my boyfriend is cheating or doing shit behind my back. I literally have no evidence whatsoever, but my mind goes fucking crazy. He's never given me a reason to believe he would do something of the sort. I feel crazy. I constantly have to stop myself from checking his phone or computer (I used to, but the guilt is what stops me from doing it). I recognize that the paranoia is just a symptom of the disorder. If I tried talking to him about it he would think I'm accusing him and it would blow up. I constantly try to keep my mind distracted by reading and watching TV and crap but the paranoia is giving me nightmares and starting to really affect me. How do I cope? What should I do?",4.572430426716139,6.104570646258504,5.595967841682128,78.74437847866422,70.42857142857143,8.88286951144094,31.730983302411875,9.339509955726095,2.9836857142857145,603,27,111,13,11,199,88,147,0.258,0.723,0.019,-0.9868,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,7,4,3,7,0,16,4,2,5,1,30,26,12,0,5,7,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,3,2,1,0,2,7,0,0,1,2,22,0,16,21,0,10,0,0,1,1,12,2,3,4,8,84,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997781797096607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579293442986366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058405964295779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608605870627062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788244628878452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889370547985287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424767658654605,0.0,0.14967866658996826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868707139449016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150926373816896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034033521801955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560727171213448,0.0,0.09995712923950303,0.1604253337014246,0.0,0.16751835675804835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621374328663667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016305890148766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011989651315087,0.0,0.0,0.11043918606815543,0.0,0.0,0.2608969575522546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217542529186196,0.0,0.1254113999867672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999780397138218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186892534620652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476024882329846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33251875659602603,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rosewhip96,2018/02/26,"how to cope with being upset all the time ? very desperate. so, i sometimes think i'm ""recovering,"" only to discover that my symptoms are only lessened b/c my best friend is actively paying attention to me, calling me, reassuring me, etc. he posts about his boyfriend a lot on social media, which upsets me to an irrational degree. i've deactivated social media b/c of it before. but basically, i cry every day, without fail. sometimes i cry up to six times a day, and the longest ive ever cried without stopping was four hours. i can sort of function when i'm crying, like performing tasks (doing dishes, showering, cleaning) just b/c i'm so used to it. it's almost always over things like: remembering past rejections, perceived rejections, agonizing over if my best friend was mad at me six months ago, what did he mean when he said xyz, why didn't he reply to my goodnight text, why do people misinterpret my motivations, obsessively ruminating over past abuse, etc. like, i genuinely get upset all the time to the point that my friends often joke about it (ha ha pisces infp type jokes). i have socially withdrawn b/c of this as well. i'm often terrified to express any of my insecurities or negative feelings b/c i don't want to contribute to someone leaving me. every time i begin to feel secure, something small happens and i spend an hour sobbing. i actually made myself throw up by crying so much a few nights ago. i've developed pretty bad trich as well. the only thing that seems to help is being high. my therapist doesn't approve (for obvious reasons), but it is genuinely the only thing that has prevented me from hurting myself on several occasions. i'm currently on 300 mg of lamictal and 30 mg of prozac, which, believe it or not, has reduced my symptoms a LOT. i do DBT therapy, i work through my work books, i diligently participate in art therapy, my therapist does EMDR with me and...i'm still so upset all the time. i just got finished crying in the bathroom at work (i do it so often that i have located a private bathroom to cry in) and i'm starting to get desperate. does anyone have any tips on how to self soothe ? or how to reassure themselves that someone still cares about them ? i wear a necklace my best friend gave me (it's a key, he says to his heart) to try to remind me that he doesn't hate me and see me as an evil worthless thing, but it doesn't always work. i objectively know he probably cares for me, but i just can't convince myself of it on an emotional level. do these sorts of things happen to you as well ? if so, how do you handle it ? for what it's worth, i'm also diagnosed with pretty severe PTSD. edit: i somehow forgot to mention that this episode is happening b/c my best friend is going to visit his boyfriend for spring break. for my 21st birthday, my parents told me i could invite someone over for spring break (all expenses paid) and i was planning to ask my best friend. we've only actually met IRL once (we've been friends online for four years), but he's seen his boyfriend like, six or seven times in the past year. i mean, our spring breaks don't even align so he couldn't have come, but still. i'm so, so, so, so unbelievably upset and feel utterly worthless and like nobody will ever care about me. i feel so stupid ! i feel so stupid. BRB, i am going to cry again.",3.6793241427653487,5.509607095975233,5.091758280273378,80.26658654126994,73.24148606811146,8.095285939599277,28.13295169110345,8.787695798879287,2.3081638880775754,2608,103,490,52,53,872,294,646,0.175,0.647,0.17800000000000002,-0.7537,3,0,1,0,1,1,104.0,1,2,1,14,41,51,5,7,20,2,38,7,2,8,7,73,83,44,0,5,18,1,5,5,7,1,4,2,2,1,32,12,1,4,15,4,5,5,12,20,3,6,15,9,69,31,73,63,15,65,0,7,2,0,42,21,1,16,40,311,101,10,0.0,0.061987203232160726,0.10210787678448864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275189708474384,0.0,0.05238801397088007,0.0,0.0,0.04183796238281542,0.08706402900956223,0.0,0.0,0.07115483796159551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036581329618123694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890942201906506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368258946965056,0.0,0.0,0.044517994948292484,0.058943451127160006,0.2745178201808199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342160392418353,0.0,0.16002229689180894,0.0,0.0,0.04506654531515115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04177094368903461,0.0,0.4597429824256997,0.06748039704550013,0.0,0.0,0.05310075068293229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156608569016568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884969076740058,0.0,0.0,0.11669478180083682,0.034554948174300035,0.09464761620964804,0.08815881878078102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322654772296206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28294040752460337,0.0,0.054667046197659684,0.0,0.05946602205981364,0.0,0.04184276054209122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879150435586166,0.0,0.0,0.05165230058070112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061996010083922325,0.0350670463275966,0.05527588382093488,0.0,0.0,0.10304360121456983,0.0,0.05600653279820771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028752107485562405,0.0,0.0,0.05539625015961082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277974511537084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895624746199833,0.0,0.049503700752062375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397730859891472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041759006506981056,0.0,0.03845908488671294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909605008489206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05571599927967414,0.0,0.19894754319416105,0.0,0.0,0.05809194326012498,0.0,0.1498277624194488,0.036270086694413776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049456565642692144,0.0,0.05010531572376909,0.1064505889510438,0.056406677585996635,0.0,0.061155884984500725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053790687590808364,0.0,0.0,0.05926507061181719,0.0,0.04976553833041643,0.0416046542090938,0.0,0.0,0.04168995160937665,0.04762751886543522,0.054578140558166836,0.11820685292867905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999207129531354,0.13298431576694966,0.04027625611055065,0.10348589042076707,0.0,0.03703030948111752,0.0,0.1253415001804221,0.04373943445617123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875498819926796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965831640616645,0.12148836046863945,0.1737857678794414,0.033522682335176995,0.0,0.0,0.1830391147112851,0.0,0.0,0.049991226765789536,0.0,0.035519873671289406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518517292041187,0.0,0.04316708289050972,0.030857978424775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111805569947872,0.0,0.09441608259977974,0.0,0.0,0.10086362627579597,0.0,0.15234987451814475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738098845840923 bpd,pdxvintage,2018/02/26,"Those with BPD who are in non-monogamous relationships I'm having the hardest time. Two years ago I pushed to open our eight year monogamous relationship. I felt myself getting older, my body changing, I really wanted to experience others in a different way. I wanted to explore people sexually. My partner reluctantly finally agreed and about ten months ago, he met a woman that he fell in love with. Aside from one long-distance crush, all of my relationships have been pretty much FWB/fuck buddies. Even of those, few last. I ask for a more regular schedule (1-2 days a week) and people aren't into it. I've slept with three people, three different occasions, in the last four months. I try to date, but I am having a hard time meeting people that are open and compatible. I typically end up with a single, mono dude and that doesn't last. I hate dating, and am only looking for people to date to fill in that gap when my partner is gone. Something that I find horrible and a bad use of couple privilege. I dont' want to date anymore. I've done this for over a year and it's not fun at all. I really felt like when we opened our relationship, I was more into the idea of sex. My partner doesn't do casual sex. He falls in love. I have been struggling nonstop since they've been together. I can't even deal with it. Do I know he loves me? Yes. They are only together 1-2/week. Why does it affect me so? Because of the level of their love (granted, she's in love with him and he loves her, but it's not the same) and the time they spend together. She sees him as her primary partner. How do those of you with BPD deal with this? I feel like I'm pretty much monogamish (just physical interactions with people once a month or every other month) in a relationship with someone who is poly. Everything I read on mono/poly relationships is they don't last. I can't do it anymore. I am hating myself for not celebrating his love, for not being supportive of his joy, for needing him all to myself. It's ruining our ten year relationship. I'd love to hear from others with BPD that are in open relationships. How do you deal with the insecurity? Abandonment issues? I see a therapist and she helps some, but really her advice is that it's likely polyamory isn't for me. It never felt like I could fall in love with someone at the same time I'm in love with my primary partner. I know it's possible, but I just feel like when I'm in that position, I find things that are wrong with others so I don't fall for them. This has only happened once, mainly because I'm not likeable for people to come back for more. I feel caught in a game of Groundhog's Day. 1 to 2 times a week, I struggle for a day before and a day after. It's not good. ",2.95659579550884,4.7412956501831545,4.5563465519987245,83.53684185379839,75.0989010989011,7.8247491638795985,24.506927854753947,8.587818076936951,1.6438770186335407,2139,69,433,42,46,718,226,546,0.101,0.733,0.165,0.9936,2,0,1,0,0,0,75.0,4,2,5,0,14,30,2,3,23,1,38,15,2,4,4,76,81,24,0,5,13,0,7,5,5,0,1,1,0,6,33,34,0,1,12,3,1,10,16,9,0,8,12,11,62,21,71,67,14,75,0,2,3,12,63,25,0,2,44,284,95,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051227690122093036,0.09294063491307007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398015763551392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900894621626973,0.0,0.0,0.040310477019258106,0.0437714777547563,0.06391382373229164,0.0,0.04460858317292255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823075031411981,0.1980768928072192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545716888765916,0.04515824976713853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185594202811766,0.05800566525398974,0.0,0.13523542143541611,0.16213914641283353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954291203551353,0.0,0.0,0.04587620527466475,0.05364749668626116,0.061440014714667875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046431708600677385,0.0,0.0,0.06925052583611091,0.0,0.04416910515148792,0.0,0.047114909935208435,0.05128029498391908,0.0,0.0,0.07952077197668306,0.0749027947302173,0.1510044985016127,0.057427440830193674,0.09582835702333016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484647308182456,0.027389143198820517,0.0,0.0,0.043970389774133534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463579755628008,0.0,0.04696120723924913,0.1035148123451314,0.0,0.0,0.05908515524826126,0.0,0.035138403123281745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917981131126448,0.0,0.05471657018166085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576212284338612,0.17092877315614524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805750204381944,0.0,0.0,0.04639319550892598,0.04402258204802797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4731430412701961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673759222219174,0.0,0.0770746880633817,0.038871400944039736,0.04043227656023633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165874792054922,0.0355235568399179,0.11961142505991144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544072406255683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590996802136459,0.0,0.106667201803332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524377404361164,0.0,0.1007516129880376,0.0,0.0,0.4502662231802424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354957028060518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04336530549787493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883661415980137,0.04035821295833858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960896177411956,0.0,0.0,0.05948962769344567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086778659732929,0.034827879780859806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284297922634488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035592151910655394,0.0,0.05121019469842355,0.0,0.0,0.04527711876386725,0.0,0.0,0.09276231097393277,0.041611376952715474,0.1261530383425354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730410341262849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731692657814873,0.0,0.13503619969461228 bpd,isosorry,2018/02/26,IM FUCKIN BORDERLINE AND I DONT GIVE A SHIT. I ACCEPT THIS AND I'M GONNA WORK THE FUCK OUT OF MYSELF TO LIVE A BITCHIN' HAPPIER HEALTHIER LIFE FOR MYSELF- AND FOR MY GOD DAMN LOVED ONES. ,0.3660360360360357,2.76174781081081,1.4852702702702736,95.39745495495498,97.91891891891892,5.709909909909912,19.68018018018018,7.1686216300943375,0.737958558558558,147,5,31,3,6,46,32,37,0.179,0.557,0.264,0.6046,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,3,0,1,5,1,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,5,2,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,4,0,0,19,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40314674177145704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180077089978615,0.0,0.3299808424960802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.371561799222934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24296610554257486,0.0,0.0,0.3037442159929834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104590328725618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330924929405508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35309468154097234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25042448338598444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CepheidVox,2018/02/26,I hate myself It feels like I have a big ball of barbed wire inside me. It hurts all the time. I can't tell the people who care about me because they'll want to fix it and they can't. They'll be frustrated or disappointed that they can't change me and I'll feel worse. I feel like I need to hide it and that makes me feel worse. I feel like no one really cares about me but I haven't given them a chance. I want to freak out but I don't want to scare anyone. It hurts no matter what I do. ,-1.2733376623376635,0.6923015363636367,0.7761038961038977,103.4927272727273,92.72727272727272,4.233766233766234,10.584415584415584,5.773587663045528,-1.6525584415584411,379,3,100,3,14,124,59,110,0.231,0.594,0.175,-0.8549,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,5,0,2,12,2,1,4,0,10,0,0,1,1,19,24,6,0,4,3,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,1,5,21,5,8,20,1,3,0,3,0,0,7,2,0,1,4,60,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563091726330005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080833810887767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372125464973565,0.0,0.17494008980607195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180815354166889,0.3544222117623975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326915826337585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540651380252385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237505834386944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038611063662504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262015008038715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205934865508876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146471010615385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105940593901925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556474626012796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454112925980894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096428883941944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926194635948995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370533892337213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ithinkimcrazyhlpplz,2018/02/26,"I am poisoning my friendships by obsessing over one person at a time until I meet someone else I find more interesting tonight I realized that I poison myself and my friendships with people by becoming totally obsessed with them. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Lately, with a lot of mindfulness practice and self awareness I’ve realized that almost every time I meet someone that I like I become obsessed with them. I think about them all the time, I try to think of ways to get them to like me, I think of things that we could do together or future conversations we could have. I understand this is something that comes from BPD but I just can’t control my overwhelming feelings. Mostly these are work related friendships so I always try to make it branch outside of work. When I realized that this was my problem it made me immediately depressed. I’ve done this my whole life, ever since high school and maybe even middle school. I’ve always felt different and weird, so I really didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. I am also extremely picky when it comes to making friends...which is a good and bad thing. If there’s a few things I dislike about a person I immediately write them off. When I meet someone who I have any sort of connection with I just become totally addicted to them almost. It’s scary. Recently I met someone at work who I like a lot. I moved to town about 2 years ago and only have a few friends, so meeting him made me very excited. Unfortunately I found out he is planning to move away in two months. I have found myself constantly trying to make plans for us to hang out. Even on days where someone will offer to pick up my shift I go in just so I can work and hang out with him. It makes me seem fucking crazy. When I thought about it tonight I realized I did this at my last job too. I found someone I really liked and tried to hang out with them all the time. We are still friends and I still find myself obsessed whenever we hang out but it’s much less since we don’t work together and don’t see each other very often. I also have found myself constantly hanging out with someone, getting bored of them and moving on when I find someone more interesting. I’m so fucking embarrassed with myself. I hate it so much. I sound fucking crazy. I just want to be normal. I’m scared that I’m going to poison all my future relationships by doing this. I don’t feel like a good person. I think I’m just so insecure with myself that I have to make the people I like, like me so that I can feel good about myself. It makes me even more depressed. tl;dr : I obsess over people in a crazy way, burn out on them and move on to the next person I find interesting. Does anyone else find themselves doing this? ",3.9344213886671966,5.568752709497211,4.800152966214419,83.42062849162014,72.18435754189943,7.795849960095771,26.56597499334929,8.418075326091056,1.7897360468209635,2163,74,420,36,42,701,212,537,0.14300000000000002,0.735,0.122,-0.933,2,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,6,0,9,8,36,39,7,9,14,0,31,8,0,10,7,103,72,32,0,6,9,0,5,7,3,1,5,1,0,5,32,37,0,1,25,0,0,14,5,22,0,2,13,7,85,17,67,55,19,72,0,3,1,3,37,27,3,11,35,297,117,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059570541929799936,0.0,0.0,0.04843902868877928,0.0,0.10943709364198123,0.0,0.0,0.08739833141265656,0.09093715884003348,0.0,0.0,0.03716011581108766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764173728210436,0.11197944134837397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134028162860911,0.0,0.04562585286179787,0.0,0.181051583309746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688228014384113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414275071615076,0.0,0.1181025260726377,0.0612884235313566,0.08725833123874026,0.0,0.0,0.03524116477564577,0.0,0.09413040988879824,0.0,0.0,0.057091844312271524,0.0,0.0,0.09563949398496348,0.05592026853480327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694533732210945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827647812474864,0.09885810945117174,0.04604032571096105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051955071421586,0.039038022778737344,0.0524672639468252,0.0,0.24972029400236545,0.0,0.0,0.23965937875890325,0.1266545539974433,0.15155380563268525,0.057098964060645935,0.0,0.062111427131913276,0.13749957531825766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539501044897025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773488643048575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422620815685343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454253919393021,0.061641346240871114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038597007654068635,0.18687570683290727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393703317654288,0.0,0.10341184412601348,0.21885366224958372,0.0,0.05489771833573795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05517534083513586,0.0,0.04361669739991307,0.2323137097056336,0.08033995097564878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058115017483160836,0.0,0.053539981898544114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03702850944596424,0.041559584462361236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365079260837238,0.1908537860585843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522873812312463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001329793701867,0.0,0.05395482521159007,0.05866771440343607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547086507675629,0.11060624899933784,0.043544570526581214,0.04974627636112602,0.057006103365450575,0.0,0.0,0.09040494630035464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704006804709693,0.04206798537895312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727829423027865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891008025406852,0.14005588865744606,0.0,0.04338160810302782,0.12745452772166962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840004216525332,0.0,0.05337971044581432,0.056886824042494476,0.06573057341022412,0.0,0.0,0.0901748269206342,0.03223072625306478,0.13012271869311762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100860318336991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890913756119205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03518924933721966 bpd,Martianlivesmatter,2018/02/26,"Everything's fine, but I'm still screaming inside Everything in my life is going fine. I'm generally feeling pretty happy. Work is fulfilling, I have a few good friends, I have a goal I'm working towards. I've done my stint in DBT. But I'm single and have been for a long time, and I think this is why I'm feeling so stable. But I still feel desperate for love, and desperately afraid of losing myself again if I find it, and then losing that love, and then being suicidal again. This desperate feeling is like constant screaming inside my head right now. I can't find anyone I like, and even if I could, I'd get all scared of losing them and anxious all over again. I'm not suicidal, but I want the screaming to stop. What do??? I realise this post is terribly written, but all my thoughts are a jumble right now.",3.898333333333333,5.200291240740743,4.971296296296295,83.46583333333334,71.77777777777777,7.869135802469136,28.314814814814817,8.344100000000001,1.954792592592592,639,24,126,10,12,210,90,162,0.271,0.504,0.225,-0.9006,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,6,9,18,0,2,5,0,15,4,1,0,3,30,33,17,2,4,8,0,4,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,6,7,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,9,0,0,4,7,16,9,9,27,5,21,0,3,0,2,4,6,0,2,15,82,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145186316643694,0.0,0.09373924422322932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487335963288486,0.0,0.10703757170054473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719193727029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854666464684627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409725026361508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711430339303302,0.09577389580816197,0.0,0.0,0.24506041768071005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357594292905001,0.0,0.07004184440505065,0.0,0.07619050514346402,0.11244481715375156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271145644043556,0.0,0.0,0.13758625472809374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469193177429573,0.13099181041105246,0.0,0.0,0.11864062185885475,0.0,0.4499431470937528,0.0,0.0,0.2419923181781507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839430596271773,0.1363892162963472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22897637414522046,0.0,0.0,0.1342194159810663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412411958726704,0.11208180707137637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293284064897421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590149508611734,0.0,0.10643022670484452,0.07817261088939105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079073221394392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209700729554195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519741687791625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DENNISISABASTARDMAN,2018/02/26,"Mutiny You ever been like, a leader of something, and then everybody suddenly turned against you? Like, without warning? And it suddenly validated every negative thing you'd ever thought about yourself? It's like, we fear abandonment. And yet we can't help but create it constantly. It's like, fuck. I'm fucked. I don't know how to escape. Every time I start to build something up, it all just crashes down. I don't expect anybody to have any answers. If you even took the time to read this, thanks. I hope you're having a better day than me.",2.2867948717948714,4.98312742307693,3.334230769230772,86.5941025641026,82.46153846153845,6.1589743589743575,25.01282051282051,7.492282038375204,1.5126243589743584,428,17,79,7,12,137,73,104,0.177,0.605,0.218,0.4535,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,2,4,0,1,7,11,2,1,3,0,7,2,0,1,3,19,17,7,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,0,11,7,11,13,1,14,0,1,0,2,7,2,2,2,15,52,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391551817826607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115835233165246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969145601005694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751651196622001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035427052627375,0.3296559655799183,0.3070555994267177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504761343088784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33691800912452063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213789929535693,0.0,0.0,0.1809850928794804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014307951101348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.356093001352811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226882531320596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805629688265559,0.0,0.0,0.128975909976237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677632466423152,0.0,0.0,0.12105854834726393,0.0,0.0,0.14466194009786149,0.2125073281133916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245258491810925,0.0,0.19820250571710332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756531090977974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Slytherin3,2018/02/26,"Had my first 'episode' in front of my best friend. I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago. It's been a weird time. I've only told a best friend since then who has been really understanding and supportive. Lately though, I've been struggling with getting angry a lot easier which is very unlike me. A week ago I ended up getting mad at just a build up of thing and exploding before leaving my friend's place and said something aggressive for no reason as a good bye. I instantly felt bad when I closed the door. When I got to my car I got overwhelmed and pretty much blacked out kicking and punching my car and my friend came out in the rain and sat with me as I was shaking and just hyper ventilating. It was really sweet of him but I still am worried that maybe I'm ruining my friendship by letting him see this side of me and I feel embarrassed. How do you fight feeling guilty for opening up to someone? How do you control your emotions when you feel overwhelmed and direct them to people you care about? I feel like I am just ruining things a lot. Thanks if you stuck this out. 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Hey everyone, I don't really post in subreddits that often but I've been diagnosed with BPD for 7 years now (though I only accepted the diagnosis around 3 years ago after receiving it again and taking a long hard look at my life) and have, obviously, been suffering the effects of it my whole life. I had a really great handle on it for a long time, I had my own ways to cope with things and I stopped self harming and thinking about suicide on the daily a little bit after I had my first son. The problems started when I made a huge self discovery about a year ago. I'm transgender. It was something I've dealt with for the longest time, but it wasn't until I met a really good friend who helped me talk about some deeply personal feelings about myself that I realized just how much of my self worth was crippled by my assigned gender. So I started on the journey of transition. Fast forward a year later to now, and I'm 6 months on T and.... my BPD has never been worse. I'm not going to get into it right now, because there's a lot of stuff going on and a lot of things that I've been doing that aren't okay. Especially towards my FP. I'm just so lucky he's as understanding and patient as he is, because he hasn't turned tail and ran yet. I've spoken to my therapist and a few other people and my current theory is that the HRT is fucking with my BPD, but obviously I don't want to stop HRT because it's the only thing that's kept my mental state anywhere close to positive this past year. So.... I booked an appointment with someone to start DBT. I have no idea what it will mean, or what it's going to do, but I've heard good things and... I'm excited... Is there anything I should expect going in? How long does it usually take to start seeing results? (I assume it's different for everyone...) Sorry if this is formatted wrong. Or if this isn't what normally goes in here. I've never really tried to get involved in any sort of BPD community, but I'm just completely at a loss with how to cope lately.",4.428188405797102,4.979450079710144,5.8098067632850245,80.7194927536232,69.94202898550725,9.225120772946859,28.61835748792271,9.348350401419415,2.3404241545893734,1599,55,325,32,27,541,203,414,0.091,0.8059999999999999,0.103,0.8513,2,0,1,0,0,1,54.0,0,0,0,4,26,14,1,0,21,1,27,4,0,6,4,66,60,32,1,7,13,1,2,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,30,21,0,3,9,1,1,8,10,6,0,2,15,5,29,8,51,43,8,70,0,2,2,1,17,19,1,11,41,213,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904694237642656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333509591081622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454121511373773,0.0698193365449106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343061741303975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562525713338287,0.0,0.3951194053570189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223237272295833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796048086607723,0.0,0.08194266690664719,0.0,0.0,0.0686346298068851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988647016197698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396565693398904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342505195735432,0.0,0.0,0.06059483075292001,0.07250727993925016,0.08195288572470309,0.0,0.1782943271802094,0.13156674169294202,0.0,0.08646936230930129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025788325021462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052569982105808814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853793414411021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847246683896877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079487026173533,0.0,0.07860747377933316,0.0,0.2082242709646291,0.06586145484178138,0.0,0.0,0.13335677871440682,0.0,0.07421237130711017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085433272844509,0.0,0.0,0.07903900259820351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260208528314924,0.0,0.0576550812239124,0.0,0.12098011670088805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684475700073536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929911276822933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487031856786579,0.054373493298776714,0.06848205907191879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502285380067236,0.0,0.0,0.07504692684681674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097708949492885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697879954253091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06249856317018116,0.0,0.2454588144413981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645349249845525,0.06037925302406659,0.0,0.08779597442837532,0.2775658218557939,0.0,0.0,0.13114199953986894,0.0,0.0,0.08978359661363239,0.08578970064101273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793921275406792,0.06303907072609258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106328597276744,0.2084216531342548,0.0502547831954728,0.07705708608122007,0.0,0.09146633846435348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053248828140703336,0.08530932854574394,0.0,0.08164840582824233,0.0,0.0,0.08637957490931224,0.0,0.04626005162959036,0.062254090891026674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875643046623412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992688010049448,0.0,0.085750903192775,0.0,0.2525317733092532 bpd,aapples-,2018/02/26,"I’ve finally accepted it - would love some queer/trans folks to chat to It took me to come around to the idea, but after being completely ostracised from almost everyone I know 3 times in the last 10 years, after having every relationship of any form collapse within a year or two, after hurting people I loved dearly over and over again and losing years to drug abuse. I’m here, I’m queer and trans and I’ve got damn BPD. I’m spooked but happy I guess. Every adjective ever used to describe me is reserved for those we hate; toxic, manipulative, intense, stubborn, condescending, rude. Maybe now I can accept I’m not evil, I’m just a little fucked up because I’ve been through some fucked up shit. I’ve got a thing though, something to treat, something to work on and to make better. I have to say, discovering this sub has been a huge relief. In a roundabout way, it’s nice that things I’ve always felt and experienced are shared by people here, even though I’m sorry any of us have to go through it at all. I guess what I was wondering if there were any queer / trans people on this sub that’d be down to chat? Or maybe anyone at all? I’m new to all this BPD stuff, but I’m an Australian trans girl in her 20s that doesn’t really have anyone around these days. ",4.597478991596638,5.44263979365079,5.128478057889827,84.69626050420172,69.71428571428571,7.834173669467787,25.140989729225026,7.928766900206844,1.2289306255835668,996,26,203,12,17,319,150,252,0.173,0.6609999999999999,0.166,-0.7233,0,0,3,0,1,0,31.0,2,0,0,3,12,21,8,0,8,0,17,8,1,3,4,38,42,14,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,16,10,0,1,6,2,0,3,2,10,0,1,8,3,12,11,38,30,6,35,0,2,0,6,11,17,6,9,14,120,28,1,0.0,0.1265733502227756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697250551822847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888892001979832,0.0,0.0,0.2179394880494902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939281670857102,0.0,0.0,0.19019859503639436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512117145755406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448041514739028,0.0,0.0,0.2690914848574231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202260024768627,0.11200680593946352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889502577187262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123886210888106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055868516626865,0.09663176631301168,0.18001388130020726,0.10207844076774794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257134021558252,0.1170245183995188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752096563514512,0.0,0.0,0.06071264102964856,0.0,0.17087973350067326,0.0,0.2353655002561653,0.0,0.0,0.11372006799760355,0.0,0.10547023240792316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436125717885222,0.12059546477359133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870970749854435,0.08707882969382459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706941523693993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195128654671427,0.0,0.0,0.19283233150663667,0.0,0.0713083160793337,0.0,0.2146455569011972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317485371354926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222182618979684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843655702716922,0.0,0.0,0.11469296550024502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495367097596253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965709397169976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448235779406795,0.0,0.11958485866867938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229215270645565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194314771166208,0.0,0.20991533628823772,0.0,0.06229208815903401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186895000723362,0.0,0.0,0.1043551355431068,0.0,0.12850056398325652,0.09226482916984813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479485203303883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585007848438054,0.07777183442023827,0.0,0.0,0.07588732963662717,0.0,0.0,0.20638059968347133 bpd,okcomputits,2018/02/26,"Feeling like a monster So I’ve had a breakdown this weekend, due to finishing my last batch of meds and having to wait a few days for my new prescription and I know I caused a lot of stress for the people I was around during the episode, which were mostly my BF and his family. He assured me that it was alright, that he won’t leave me and helped the best he could, which I’m immensely grateful for but I can’t help but feel guilty for causing so much stress and interfering with his plans. I then went to some subreddits for people who have/had pwBPD in their lives and it shattered me. One of the top posts is about how if you are in a relationship with someone with BPD you should run. Another openly called pwBPD monsters and said they are only alive because it’s illegal to kill them and that not even mental health professionals think they are worthy of empathy. The vast majority agreed with those statements too. I’m devastated. Not only in regards to my BF leaving me, which after reading a few of those posts I am convinced will surely happen soon, but I’m shocked at the way people probably think of me. It didn’t help that I was already feeling like a monster to begin with, but now I am SURE that I am one. (Sorry for the long post, just needed to express my feelings after reading all those things)",7.552146690518782,6.501249503875973,7.334496124031007,77.82603756708411,63.65116279069768,10.109004174120454,34.57483601669648,9.057496981413335,2.8306800238521173,1044,38,203,14,13,332,149,258,0.12,0.7190000000000001,0.161,0.7227,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,4,3,10,12,1,2,14,1,19,1,0,3,4,45,35,17,1,4,8,0,4,2,2,3,1,1,0,0,18,15,0,1,8,3,0,2,5,4,0,2,8,5,27,8,32,23,9,27,0,0,0,0,21,8,0,4,15,144,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464183637520372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843669057221312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054840025685254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688525550008016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853282281849307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225509037002967,0.0,0.11533337814743773,0.0,0.0,0.2320591116876241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901804455534491,0.0,0.0,0.07284264771452059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460163327008472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647809945582712,0.0,0.22844127739518505,0.16138132543837788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988027239718753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005931861144105,0.0,0.0,0.2271216484076893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249611394373884,0.0,0.06207372002297711,0.09206836696430472,0.0,0.23919299303240074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036218067213052,0.0,0.09973588126307924,0.0999561553012637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602505141620477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254606814179767,0.0,0.11382584914760092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303038199187618,0.08375012212281373,0.0,0.109086678433635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153074093103198,0.17180534124943206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23491347976582336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245212555074667,0.0,0.12177793623155013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595877991078897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126476748745005,0.0,0.0,0.107440197024381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957011723808408,0.0,0.0,0.1264369616586991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587649934705887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290586060404812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503818010379508,0.14474609200302066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896535194732341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470469180411293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mintslut,2018/02/26,"I am such a suck Over the course of a couple hours, I managed to take my boyfriend's depressive episode and make it about me. About how we're not right for each other because he didn't confide in me until two weeks after he started to feel depressed, and that I should break up with him because obviously he doesn't really love me since he hasn't been lovey-dovey like usual. Why do I do this? Every time our relationship moves past a rough patch, I immediately find some other rock for us to crash on. Why am I so self-centered? His depression doesn't have anything to do with me. He's got a lot on his plate right now, of course he's going to be sad/distant. I *know* him; I know he's not the type to make a big deal out of his emotions until it's a problem. I should be supporting him, not making it about me. Not sitting around all day, moping because he hasn't showered me with all the affection that I'm always so desperate for. Not freaking out internally because I can't fix the problem this time so I'm clearly useless. Not even three hours after he admitted to feeling depressed for the past couple weeks, I managed to take a short text and extrapolate that he didn't need me. I brought up an old conversation about me moving out of the city that's always caused tension between us because it would spell the end of our relationship. Why do I try to push away everything that's good in my life? I'm so frustrated with myself because I have a midterm tomorrow yet all I can obsess about is him.",4.6536513157894746,5.327211273026318,5.4761578947368434,82.8741052631579,69.49342105263158,8.316842105263158,30.33157894736842,8.395991825355821,2.0972294736842105,1193,46,243,17,20,390,154,304,0.156,0.7859999999999999,0.058,-0.983,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,4,0,0,0,16,16,2,2,16,0,23,2,0,6,5,43,44,10,0,6,6,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,13,12,0,0,6,1,0,5,13,12,0,2,5,3,37,4,44,34,6,43,0,5,0,1,27,16,1,2,21,159,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630898858580187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064673013977396,0.08724194583186516,0.0,0.0,0.0920754593340373,0.0,0.0,0.35844414382054224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006743438976927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687317708498108,0.0,0.06320273927706516,0.10103505022146524,0.3376335482734324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023828622703567,0.08680007476528621,0.0,0.0,0.06472894279860852,0.0,0.08257033275335914,0.0,0.08807726073806718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991048166721806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957142440950633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055696404476642494,0.0821988514934358,0.07838060239602021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19302310439409667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771791706269064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922122543806547,0.047878491171859036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331721153946124,0.08845001098307369,0.0,0.19624991175873888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208319772040564,0.0,0.07266673163358117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283589213529397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18710668419802867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754804186964694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278215041432025,0.0,0.0,0.21043346785087888,0.0,0.16738517123588398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223674248979127,0.0,0.0,0.08106769862395515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936583357403862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121072833996018,0.0,0.0,0.14736958154743787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429070713975213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653645838174564,0.0,0.0957330424085057,0.0,0.2357670253083887,0.0,0.10793460047232543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722148347907722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652928248818145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961732078217177,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDThrowaway_guy,2018/02/26,"I just got my diagnosis a few days ago, should I be afraid of discrimination? I'm in my mid-20s and I live with my parents. My dad is a physician, but in the past I have heard him talk about how un-trustworthy and manipulative BPD people can be. I've been reading about it and apparently this sort of thinking is pretty common. Obviously I don't need to go around telling everybody about it, but I'm worried that putting that label on this might serve to isolate me more than I already am. Any advice?",4.576580086580087,5.745354969696972,5.65904761904762,79.68000000000005,70.01010101010101,8.485425685425685,31.31457431457432,8.841846274778883,2.4426150072150086,398,17,80,7,7,132,73,99,0.058,0.8959999999999999,0.046,0.168,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,11,1,0,2,1,16,18,6,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,1,12,0,13,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,4,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933385476756085,0.20803625947567955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25898343107363275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959551015548154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892158238985226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955806209467023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135398660852428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337828318399658,0.0,0.18770098861395715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072333133227434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489662914525212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401776651388498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605926339267865,0.0,0.22403572138170166,0.162702724233671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387615028954576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359257030071553,0.0,0.0,0.23475095443214236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886328782286474,0.2051271709151972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503782382850853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23833649206874846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cff808,2018/02/26,"too late for me do you ever wonder if it’s too late for you? after years and years of fucking things up, is it even salvageable anymore? i truly have no one (not even exaggerating, i’ve retained one friend from over the last decade of my life), my career prospects are shit, i’ve spent years developing self destructive and unhealthy coping mechanisms, i don’t know what it’s like to not have bipolar and spend my time flipping between soul crushing depression and irresponsible hypo mania, and i can’t retain any interpersonal relationships because of bpd. what the fuck. sorry for the rant",8.416111111111112,8.579243203703705,8.146666666666668,68.715,61.407407407407405,10.533333333333337,35.592592592592595,10.125756701596842,3.6066370370370366,478,19,80,9,6,153,76,108,0.251,0.655,0.094,-0.9634,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,5,7,4,0,3,0,7,5,1,0,1,13,12,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,5,5,0,2,1,0,9,2,12,11,0,11,1,1,0,2,5,2,3,2,10,53,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500845200306568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230667948754697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205904321505676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315232792617699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832965761508366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428315883536613,0.1662817642074364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142024043689291,0.3398896231222653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101026340627347,0.1498432863133781,0.414729023565481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984222663121925,0.08980843465505524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491314434730444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973610684481029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191771327427226,0.0,0.18869545429202852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057789278891348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212628372225964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719082047716436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935220237569912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551350815879209 bpd,Throwaway329251990,2018/02/26,"How to deal with it (officially) This is a somewhat long winded story; so it'll be a bit of a read. Around a month ago I was officially diagnosed with BPD, but the symptoms had been becoming more pronounced around since fifth grade, and for reference I'm currently a high school freshman. Something odd has clicked now that it is something I can root all this to, and I'm not sure how I deal with it. ",10.576666666666668,6.595032405063293,9.766075949367092,71.94717299578062,60.39240506329114,13.571308016877634,42.78902953586498,11.20814326018867,4.441351054852318,316,13,65,6,3,101,56,79,0.076,0.924,0.0,-0.659,1,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,0,9,2,0,3,2,16,11,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,9,6,4,8,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,5,44,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556229025310905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727039450648915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311933672931699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285389170826616,0.0,0.2636493134203763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316290913540767,0.0,0.2124699811127636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117325725868253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852543318398595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670886985535189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209391020840884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21185756027945676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316355570925376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32231165341517803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729516822709647,0.21757856519384786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,01jeffrey,2018/02/26,Anyone a good listener? Pretty sure I’m having an episode right now resulting in me just calling a break with my significant other. I swear I’m losing my mind day by day with this constant shit. Wouldn’t mind venting to somebody other than myself,4.487553191489361,6.701772170212768,5.311648936170212,77.90875,71.97872340425532,7.253191489361702,28.77127659574468,8.07648339933343,2.2364085106382983,200,8,33,3,4,65,38,47,0.14300000000000002,0.659,0.198,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,1,1,8,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,6,4,0,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,21,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18619475373302954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719098100184633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877627160624909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434674474890888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22334973160910174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979081463735015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5377499183591427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709106175388408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22740848802409197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27334079451718263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509732786750524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,karkaras,2018/02/26,"My psychotherapist interprets BPD as antisocial It took me a long time to accept BPD. I know my mother suffers from it, and I take after her. I'm gay, and I've had an eating disorder since I was 12. I self-harm because I'm angry and I can't hurt the people I'm angry with so I take it out on myself, not because I'm spiteful and seeking attention. I was never diagnosed BPD, but I just assumed I was because so much of the description is true for me. I feel like I'm only considered ASPD because I'm a guy, and when guys do impulsive and emotional things, it comes off as antisocial and lacking empathy whereas when women do the same things, it's interpreted as ""emotional distress"" and that causes bias in diagnosing. I think the main thing was that because of ADHD, I thrill-seek too much. I feel empty inside, like I don't really have a real personality. I read fanfictions, forum posts, and pretend to be the characters. I empathize with them. I become them. I have social anxiety. But my therapist interpreted it as being charming. Im charmingly shy to the point that apparently I'm not actually shy. I wonder if she thinks I fake being shy. In truth, I just have poor social skills because I did not socialize much when I was growing up. This possibility of being antisocial makes me doubt myself. I thought I was different, but we all do. I felt I didn't belong - I don't care in the same way that other people do about strangers, but I care a great deal about my siblings and my very close friends. I feel angry because I fail to communicate what I mean to. 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Of how my fiancé treats my kids. So soft and kind so loving. I wish he’d treat me that way. Take care of me when I need it. Is that fucked up?,-0.8410476190476182,1.2868472444444483,0.8149206349206359,100.67000000000002,98.77777777777777,3.4603174603174613,15.317460317460318,5.288315135182226,-0.9785873015873016,166,4,38,1,7,53,35,45,0.166,0.535,0.299,0.8399,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,8,11,6,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,9,5,3,10,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,1,23,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968746541643986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29445597449695904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691887135980725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032163410493435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627988734840029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159042718120629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23155586883566984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28798178622256104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892908540105724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865746508746947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622459608804423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348395146584406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDGamer,2018/02/26,"7 years since my best friend killed himself, and i still don't feel stable I don't know how to feel, I don't know how to deal with it. I've had 7 years. Bad self harm, so many changes that I've tried but nothing seems to help. I can't get close to anyone anymore because it just seems like they all die or leave me.",2.055,2.6652973571428578,2.6814285714285724,100.77357142857143,75.42857142857143,5.6000000000000005,21.142857142857142,3.1291,-0.5974857142857144,245,5,64,0,5,76,49,70,0.246,0.647,0.107,-0.8512,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,15,12,6,2,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,2,8,3,5,11,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,4,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756303652820315,0.14634296849817133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747514341717224,0.12758345083977635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21964074641510495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214049032687454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577253670203614,0.0,0.0,0.2172137389231727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165029013073647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616997350345415,0.0,0.10934728047212144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402851047136597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315523859660236,0.0,0.23004460493590514,0.0,0.0,0.22161172862367254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225029305150224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219088520617987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082287729005824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810661102661115,0.2183388954904326,0.0,0.0,0.17312984888258806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714215879976604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209663257185748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695564643024694 bpd,IttyBittyBatty,2018/02/26,"Cut the last person out of my life today. Hi r/BPD. LTL, FTP. This will be long, and is just me venting into the void. Sorry, no TL;DR. I've been diagnosed BPD, generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and major depressive disorder officially for a few years now. Prior to official diagnosis I was seen as just unhinged. They weren't wrong I suppose. I'm 30yo, don't feel it -- I feel more like a teenager or early 20's but I can't even properly quantify that. I low-key have an eating disorder that I haven't told anyone about. Blah, blah, blah. I won't go into my life story. I imagine it's shockingly similar to a lot of your own. Over the last few years I've been systematically cutting everyone out of my life. The only person left (besides my psychiatrist and therapist, but they don't really count) that still clung on was my mother. Today I cut that chord too. I hurt her intentionally (not going into details, it was emotional not physical) and even if she doesn't realize it yet I'm not going to factor into her world anymore. I know her, she will try, demand, beg, yell and guilt me into spending time and sharing my life with her but I'm old hat at this now. She's like she big boss I've been practicing for when I cut out all the other friends and family members. They may disagree, but it's for their own good. I'm toxic, and I can't help myself from being an emotional and often financial leech. I know even when I was a young child I didn't understand how people work (myself included), and any attachment made invariably ended up with heartache for everyone involved. I don't plan on suicide, that's not the end goal of this self-imposed isolation. I've at least moved on from that part of my life even if the intrusive thoughts are always there. Matter of fact I don't quite know what the end goal is except to protect everyone from me. I'll continue therapy, I'll keep taking my many medications. I'll keep going through the motions and let the dust settle. We'll see where I end up. If you've read this far, thank you. I'm not looking for advice, just wanted to get this off my chest. I think many of you will understand. Take good care of yourselves. As horrifying as it is, we are all we have in the end.",2.764502262443444,4.82817281447964,4.604115384615387,81.73463461538464,76.51131221719457,8.130407239819004,25.30339366515837,8.912814788092511,2.0859536651583714,1752,63,342,41,40,595,228,442,0.117,0.779,0.104,0.2526,0,1,0,0,0,1,67.0,3,3,4,5,19,17,4,1,17,0,33,9,1,4,3,66,64,25,1,4,17,1,2,5,1,6,7,1,0,3,19,23,1,3,11,1,1,6,17,9,0,0,13,6,52,8,47,42,11,53,0,2,3,0,28,23,0,7,26,220,71,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076212858053282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687692965658628,0.0,0.0,0.05620309799055414,0.0,0.0632250706589339,0.0,0.08196405928872612,0.0577890165180854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818313230731905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426458027340405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118412490647598,0.08388541888369183,0.0,0.0,0.28416340314323346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845689711316813,0.0,0.18593450743007547,0.36600553443698064,0.0,0.0,0.2183514368309758,0.0,0.0,0.23691953186110645,0.0,0.0,0.07791265749852729,0.0,0.08357806485643031,0.05904335257577984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638532124554923,0.0,0.04317987985524637,0.0,0.18788179472715744,0.1386415145485239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539684152054305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847580125662816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692169644278058,0.0,0.0,0.1362626261886669,0.13473740005501256,0.0,0.0,0.08979669287496532,0.0845126139863413,0.29188167958784056,0.08075473573854933,0.0,0.0,0.07314038973890383,0.06940304010070067,0.0,0.0,0.07026390384975824,0.0,0.07820301258404674,0.0,0.1675830782443137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832586077946654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784115648018957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672459271967048,0.0,0.0,0.06285710760050595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949913105276035,0.0,0.057297333393191575,0.14432912553677138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790573304853072,0.08266981246823406,0.0,0.052946070789989655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658593147745738,0.0,0.08621931185026356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251705035320802,0.0,0.0,0.0660023578506871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904028926800772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428118892726014,0.0,0.0,0.07609066506655895,0.09451455832125273,0.09596005589691604,0.0,0.052957146812900265,0.0,0.06561284102550607,0.048192390917841485,0.0,0.1566802318889582,0.07897317728703547,0.0,0.05611219132104728,0.0,0.0,0.17207781387364554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04874760550039051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060168325666157686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036200896649517,0.0,0.1064444921952417 bpd,my_l0ve,2018/02/26,"states of mind There is this sort of foggy, dreamy, half dissociated state of mind, composed of melancholy, nostalgia, longing and sadness but at the same time it's calm, peaceful and allows me to rest and take a break from all the insanity and suffering. The whole world is set in the mood that is somewhat like this song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDpoBc8t6gE I guess everyone gets those days every now and then but for me it's like complete drowning, everything is shifted. It makes me relaxed and allows me to be calm around people and have conversations that feel normal, at least for some time which is usually not the case due to my anxiety/adhd or whatever. It also awakens my artsy side and I can even draw or make some music without giving up on it in 10 min. But then this wierd, romantic lens passes and I'm left with boredom/emptiness/anxiety/rush or something similar, and feeling completely differently I'm absolutely lost as to who I am. It can switch on or off even a few times during the day. I'm just venting here hoping that someone can relate to it, thanks for reading. I wanted to make a longer post that also describes other states but it's too difficult right now. My brain is so tired and I feel like my mood is about to switch again as I'm finishing this post, goodnight",5.5943209876543225,7.317521539094652,5.6025720164609085,78.93990740740743,68.1769547325103,8.527572016460908,29.96090534979424,8.998388855275968,2.54063621399177,1046,40,185,19,18,328,147,243,0.106,0.7609999999999999,0.133,0.8088,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,14,14,0,0,9,0,13,2,1,5,1,44,31,26,1,3,11,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,20,13,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,4,13,8,29,29,9,36,0,3,0,0,3,13,0,10,18,128,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625753325252241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163601618291928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042422287245386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510126324382349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836683953234179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448351680553448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413345137701489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869689997287624,0.0,0.1139757723114807,0.12926191067957846,0.12157724791647358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051986647626771,0.09664112334158567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070676069581413,0.12976896082693115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902164473881366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435948262345193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697765105153995,0.0,0.0,0.1982669014325503,0.0,0.0,0.11971490638064765,0.0,0.0,0.1476696146309659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27089312241935026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731801735597461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254165108950278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378326978449444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591138191507681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531249827174716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155248715182342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461882319863227,0.10414198963872133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171063450998173,0.0,0.0,0.12454386526243907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366413791716596,0.1554797364659598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898728196616035,0.0,0.07978922520911709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103070097989754,0.0,0.13040113129812694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chickenoflight,2018/02/27,"Well boys, I fucked up again Thank you brain for not allowing me to trust those dearest to me, for thinking they're going to abandon me and making me do things that lead to them actually abandoning me. Again. Turns out she's like all the others lmao, I should never have trusted myself I either have absolutely no regard for people or I love them way too much. That love somehow smothers them to the point they get bored or tired of me and they abandon me. Shit why can't I just function like a normal person, why can't I stop loving people more than I love myself. Is BPD even an excuse for the way I act? I've been taking meds but the pieces of shit aren't working so I've been trying my damn hardest to pretend they are so she would think I'm fixed or normal but the truth is that I'm more broken than ever. Fuck my life tbh I know I'm being vague as shit but I don't care. I'm typing this more for me than I am for you, reader. I need to vent and get this shit off my chest. Some people are better off being alone. Hermits. If that's what I have to do to stop myself from hurting others and myself, shit maybe I should just isolate myself from society. I thought I'd found someone I could trust, someone I finally had a real bond with but nope it's just the same as with all the others, people will pretend they love you and care about you and they'll understand when your mental illness acts up right until the point where they get tired of you. Fuck people. Fuck these assholes who pretend they care. I don't need them I've lived my whole life alone and I can do it again. I was a fool to trust not only her but I shouldn't have trusted myself either. I shouldn't have let myself think she was different. She tricked me into thinking she was special, now I understand she's not but the worst part is that if she talked to me again with her soft words and saying she loves me no matter what I'd get tricked again ",1.7676136815590588,3.8053864911838815,2.81092204693093,93.51757092668699,79.55415617128463,5.085748375977729,19.26348932785364,5.9092894577622985,-0.20656272040302248,1515,35,323,9,38,482,178,397,0.252,0.615,0.133,-0.9951,1,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,6,11,3,19,41,13,0,13,0,37,22,7,3,5,70,74,25,0,12,19,0,1,2,0,7,5,1,0,2,18,13,0,5,9,3,0,4,14,20,1,0,8,2,72,21,38,55,14,29,0,4,0,10,39,10,10,7,15,235,90,3,0.0,0.0,0.07462747341468788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840774853573375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763493048566344,0.0,0.0,0.09631617221528732,0.08537013925072408,0.0,0.0,0.2339106459388233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105816882744941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989892584930572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505102751605787,0.06917500084109171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377339530867121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838496599786339,0.0,0.2827954716192452,0.15981777959739574,0.0,0.04346186719475629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186686804326977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042028043370715015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819972149382799,0.10803152323088147,0.07472254786821347,0.0,0.06752783531886898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141239636752388,0.0,0.0510469073781231,0.0,0.07682828921433875,0.0,0.08494523862920393,0.0,0.07706768215136847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621709950925932,0.11340882304387075,0.0589813691598344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985632694880252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05816183024538276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828137575225942,0.0,0.2650867901453587,0.06677404051333304,0.0,0.0,0.14458506645757427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704401539882177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530827394501207,0.0,0.06081509720292394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924966839141073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959213728326333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278711725224029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749883894612633,0.06146680633779359,0.0,0.07040687225041606,0.0,0.0,0.05080584644668392,0.19600549250770333,0.0,0.06071171689758206,0.0,0.1757909459421382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051920743268258865,0.08318161921060847,0.0,0.15922400793756833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214028095420601,0.0,0.0,0.06875920044361758,0.0,0.1380115602443789,0.08538035372015547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567389396574465,0.0,0.0,0.05432484877113368,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Weirdbraziliangurl,2018/02/27,"My sister has BPD. How can I help? My baby sister has BPD, and I really want to know how can I make life easier for her, what to expect and be there to support her. I don't really know anything about the disorder, and I am really sorry if here's not the best place to ask for advice on this matter. I just really love her and want to help.",1.4931963470319616,2.789845739726033,4.349520547945208,85.54884703196348,77.90410958904108,8.154337899543378,16.276255707762562,8.841846274778883,0.6846091324200909,261,3,58,6,6,94,45,73,0.094,0.664,0.242,0.8763,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,3,0,16,15,7,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,11,3,9,14,1,2,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,1,0,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18593530804031635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658076954556166,0.0,0.1778821861718776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996827113510677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792914143633622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807254970393586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25507571366972515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091412053320525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439742354332088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717313369313237,0.0,0.1270105729567857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879771120279727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875821950158002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299817821482805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592272116938896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244591915604295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Svartbomull,2018/02/27,"Medication that doesn't make you gain weight? Is there such a magic pill? I've tried ssri like fluoxetine and I think 2 others and right now I'm on Seroquel (200mg). I'm getting dangerously overweight in my opinion. My wii fit says I'm obese which is new for me (I've always been in the overweight category, never obese before). It's affecting my mental health, especially when my clothes don't fit and I can't even close my winter coat anymore. Also ssri meds give me horrible side effects that feels like a mild UTI every other day. ",2.4967272727272736,5.010970257142862,4.203203463203465,81.9292207792208,79.76190476190476,6.484848484848484,23.831168831168828,7.686295010490155,1.403571428571429,427,15,79,7,11,143,78,105,0.139,0.767,0.095,-0.6844,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,6,3,1,0,3,0,6,8,0,3,1,11,14,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,4,5,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,3,10,2,4,13,0,14,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,8,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906268488099415,0.19834548039088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236402021341586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283791583061356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537309026611556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744315703011513,0.0,0.20083958278390804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052858071779235,0.17029376066563556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454008461329487,0.2286691585607872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533794144242905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23291407144990575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911586758703966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264778730702625,0.2401357783832027,0.24022397708842516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18384799799567364,0.23022218535539266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356928956338924,0.0,0.1895638237622297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273983084406262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183965954485044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902741672522274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,missmiserie,2018/02/27,"Anyone else get mad when they're ""in trouble""? My usual asking to see if this happens to y'all too. It's nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings! So. Do y'all ever get mad or upset when you get reprimanded? It feels insulting to me, what about you guys? Is this normal or mood swingy stuff?",0.1672811059907815,2.2917019032258104,2.328801843317972,94.14177419354841,86.41935483870968,4.833179723502305,16.921658986175114,6.18269132825596,-0.4137631336405527,226,5,51,2,7,76,47,62,0.195,0.7390000000000001,0.066,-0.8724,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,0,6,7,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,12,6,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,7,1,7,12,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,3,4,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704656324125431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825974201956291,0.2675721023941059,0.0,0.0,0.2441336708416409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181516617641108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362190047212693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640837298719401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093096824095125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585728572665789,0.23092809824946825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435174912136071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255864922100611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809734614406414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29894652348552425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876123767955122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sundun656,2018/02/27,"Just found out I was diagnosed a year after being hospitalized I was at my psychiatrist a few days ago so that she could check up with me on my meds. She was going through my file from when I was hospitalized for depression a year ago and she told me it basically says that I have an unspecified personality disorder with BPD traits. I didn't think that I had BPD but it explains a lot, so I've been trying to practice some DBT stuff. I wish I would've known about it sooner, it all makes a lot more sense now. My inability to keep friends, my intense mood swings, etc. The BPD symptoms have been worse lately. But I know that I just have to keep going",3.63641221374046,5.0560697786259565,4.831977099236641,83.75224045801528,72.58778625954199,8.293435114503817,25.31374045801527,8.841846274778883,1.6307398473282446,515,16,110,10,10,170,83,131,0.094,0.8340000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.4118,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,13,2,0,1,1,22,24,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,9,4,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,10,1,20,1,14,12,7,15,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,3,9,79,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26342930367864026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5614256669952719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863574714755895,0.0,0.0,0.09582722598877268,0.0,0.12797897172603287,0.15081409886891442,0.0,0.0,0.17029518020682854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657153442621157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629195118469056,0.11479902973021425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889242458774478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641443953928667,0.0,0.0,0.08166029905884209,0.0,0.1676141879555086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25264908927273555,0.0,0.0,0.09918391122226602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504821623266264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297416601003485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816346007541563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009816924750235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444024172754212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520944738119497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419825844092525,0.0,0.10088177042278634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708693276528144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142427449486315,0.10555293659157736,0.0,0.0,0.191372116675518 bpd,KitsUne24,2018/02/27,"Why do i feel like this? I fucked up bad two weeks ago and spent money that wasnt mine.. Ive spent the last two weeks covering it up and lying until i could fix things, and i have. I came clean to my mate about ballsing up the order he lent me the money to make as soon as i fixed it.. and hes fine laughed it off and was just happy that i hadnt done it deliberately and fixed things... But now the drama and stress and sleeplessness is gone i just feel so empty and drained and lonely and like wtf? Why did i feel so alive that week under all that stress and now its all fine again i just feel empty and suicidal and all alone again? Whats that all about can anyone relate or explain? First time posting here, and on mobile so apologies for mistakes ",1.8341208791208807,3.6310598846153854,2.749304029304028,95.19807692307694,78.35897435897436,5.482783882783883,18.194139194139193,6.18269132825596,-0.3890937728937733,586,11,133,4,14,185,90,156,0.24,0.644,0.116,-0.975,0,3,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,14,12,1,2,4,0,12,1,0,1,4,33,23,23,1,2,5,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,14,16,0,0,5,1,4,2,2,6,0,3,9,4,15,6,14,13,4,23,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,1,15,93,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428057056338106,0.0,0.0,0.1685745398375237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380845621837175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590124041578852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861587908862359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995390450975636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656420387983278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32919371562769145,0.11627871888948968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384470761805081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047280495119164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732654308955538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267448054198325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903665368402026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864631308682007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588303351420807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37289149599525867,0.0,0.0,0.1780375281239619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162664961777076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490906650254816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31799378675048545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916786746161008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29373860149532605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,plskillmepainfully,2018/02/27,"How to not kill myself? Some days ago i decided that i'm going to kill myself by dehydration, so i drank almost nothing for 48 hours (i only drank 1 glass of water) and then i just realized ""whoaa i gotta drink because i'm going to faint in public and that's lame"" so i drink again and that means this action makes no sense... anyway because i still wanted to die when i arrived home today i decided that i'm going to cut my wrists... in the near future... not today because finally i'm home and i can watch AHS so maybe later. then i watched 1 AHS episode + played a LoL match and ""whoaa why the fuck i wanted to kill myself? life is hella awesome and fun!!"" after some minutes i remembered why i wanted to kill myself, so i wanted it again. (btw the reason is school, i don't want to learn but without learning i won't be able to graduate and i gotta do it in this year's june... so idk death sounds better than learning maths lmao) but because i remembered playing makes me feel less suicidal i played another one LoL match and then i felt suicidal and happy at the same time. now i'm laughing at my feelings and thinking about should i kill myself or should i catch a therapist or just live my life with these untreated random mood swings? but i know that i'm not motivated and brave enough to ask help and suicide sounds tiring too so i guess i'll live like this and hope i could graduate without learning a single second. well i have no friends but i just wanted to tell it to someone because it makes me feel less lonely. i'm 18",1.7931234491315138,3.968474125,3.3499048800661697,88.97143920595535,80.18589743589743,5.948883374689827,22.24400330851944,7.1029339738359605,0.7604473531844502,1205,38,244,15,31,397,160,312,0.14400000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.18,0.9074,0,2,2,0,0,6,34.0,0,0,0,2,19,22,7,0,7,4,11,11,1,6,0,66,45,30,10,10,14,0,4,1,1,5,4,2,2,0,13,14,5,0,18,5,0,5,9,9,3,2,3,8,38,12,27,35,7,31,0,2,2,1,5,6,1,8,21,150,51,9,0.08714244519159649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724651978807684,0.0,0.08726057115925585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137645187315482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146642288873555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656061288093171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707041121627284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957615164018867,0.0,0.0,0.0561996680339587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904401000910922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073284162478616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900414405268518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218551587915087,0.0,0.08367041314421578,0.09546028921832404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732603698884583,0.08056178638497663,0.0,0.0,0.14857517940246534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599722790468433,0.0,0.0,0.0927647533136385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058409744128018526,0.0,0.1748219553757088,0.08655211058209175,0.08581775500487543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820510218855292,0.0,0.0478912089054775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310257229419695,0.04257339698568595,0.0,0.15389675125557084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450477651270174,0.0,0.08754629893568,0.09492366949684716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361552640608037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904997612603347,0.06627575635718104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959694721071293,0.0,0.0,0.19743080599525614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819280684700723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383551102291651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959206929649436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859590737452714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616633805620503,0.0,0.0,0.1011790953708199,0.0,0.055837360221057834,0.0,0.0,0.050813460572200715,0.10015742157619284,0.16520169748592814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083932317414352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835152361419265,0.0,0.15726500529025214,0.0,0.0,0.16800441495858115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611687762609452 bpd,trashablanca,2018/02/27,My boyfriend is probably going to dump me in the next week. I'm in school and have a shitload of midterms and assignments. My boyfriend is probably going to break up with me to go across the country for an internship. I've been stable for a long time and I'm so scared of spiralling. I don't trust my brain. Any tips on what I can do to cope ahead or prepare? And on balancing school with all this?,2.4629965156794427,4.188979585365857,3.2249128919860617,92.80597560975613,76.3170731707317,7.124738675958188,26.34843205574913,7.957251820313856,1.370091986062718,314,12,70,5,7,99,55,82,0.115,0.858,0.027000000000000003,-0.8022,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,5,0,7,1,1,0,1,8,12,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,17,11,1,15,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,5,45,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367428159518396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686844338430493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103610682895488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299894799604835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559715848250877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189989996768534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409680087366923,0.4871728182155733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403455546731189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930632582264164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zydianish,2018/02/27,"How to deal with the fucking emptiness??? Nice day guys! I have bpd with some aspd traits and possibly stpd. I have a mix of all kinds of traits but i think i am mainly borderline. I just can't deal with the feeling of emptiness anymore. I felt this way my whole life. When i was 14 i was taking deliriants, a class of hallucinogens that make you actually see real hallucinations and it was mostly a form of self harm to me. My whole body was in terrible pain when i did this and i still kept doing it. It was not fun, at all, in any way. I didn't even enjoy it. I just felt empty, like no emotions, just nothingness, i had the feeling of boredom that was insanely intense. In high school i was cutting myself and saving my blood and painting pictures with it. That phase didn't last long, but it really makes me remember how fucked up i was. I always did absolutely anything that was a bit extreme or fucked up, i would rather feel destroyed and pain then nothing at all. Some days i feel on top of the world, i really like who i am as a person, i never want to die because i love my life, i don't regret my past, this was all an adventure no matter how weird. But right after i feel like that, comes the void. As i grow up more and more, i just fill the void with different things, but it never went away. I am now in college, mostly functional, it's going ok for me but that feeling is terrible and makes me do impulsive things. Do any of you have the same feelings of void inside of your head? How do you deal with it? ",2.278629989212515,4.067699624595471,3.72834951456311,88.7159762675297,77.02588996763755,6.7784250269687165,23.09492988133765,7.662118739084242,0.9579285868392664,1180,36,251,17,27,389,155,309,0.198,0.685,0.117,-0.9876,1,0,0,0,0,2,39.0,0,4,0,1,14,23,5,0,13,1,29,11,3,7,6,63,53,23,1,4,12,0,9,3,0,1,4,0,0,3,21,15,0,1,11,0,0,5,10,12,0,0,19,10,41,11,34,33,16,35,0,1,1,4,12,15,3,5,16,188,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0992253481566232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460619163226504,0.0,0.0,0.13829224134528226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083957890275523,0.0,0.0,0.08367425936714888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553203027962467,0.0,0.0,0.06198339392618829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110086006458296,0.11294393996690355,0.12806283375117172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875886129441371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115082012172602,0.3144839096173487,0.0,0.0,0.10552814379322074,0.10623431789903297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437670117516352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715890822733972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598884594745899,0.07264045805461329,0.19525815165236973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28200551865742224,0.0,0.0,0.057787282707173114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006795266991784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043533677014286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743086605108054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058844312602441,0.0,0.08288305143684095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436396679934334,0.1490276399853467,0.0,0.0,0.08998390472675052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917704803058692,0.0,0.2036172574984802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684429934049013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756503238098237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21639010997987312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706539369778937,0.0,0.08878335436793569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462931008283225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157344921072816,0.13027806405270112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518400832868456,0.08683445818529524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290593656027353,0.08102606955199335,0.0,0.10607477442813508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120205404672667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645096439655276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510380484278744,0.06515265874879347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997370132512642,0.16141824843868074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425869755942842,0.0,0.22704494567414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223079901041814,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,actually_crazy_irl,2018/02/27,"My psychologist is considering diagnosing me with BPD This is not a post asking for a diagnosis or anything, but if I *do* have it, what sort of mental nonsense should I be expecting? Also, proceeding to browse through the top posts of the sub now.",2.472028985507244,5.3932637391304405,4.586956521739129,75.83159420289856,85.52173913043478,8.284057971014493,27.231884057971016,8.841846274778883,2.9803449275362324,196,9,35,6,6,67,41,46,0.086,0.866,0.048,-0.4194,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,7,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,6,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,29,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25957102098037155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26710632722941224,0.0,0.30344375982954513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088042539794021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294475945906561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271059842099009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.621726643375188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,funkit7,2018/02/27,"what BPD feels like on the inside for sufferers. sharing experiences lets us all know we are not alone. I have read many papers and books on BPD but I feel that they are all lacking in being able to describe what we sufferers feel like from an insiders point of view. The definition of psychological pain pales in comparison to what it actually feels like inside of someone who suffers from it. The Wikipedia definition demonstrates exactly how much psychological pain BPD sufferers experience, but lacks the personal first hand descriptions of what this feels like to someone that suffers from the disease. I am writing a paper about what this really feels like to the people who suffer through this day in and out. I am hoping to gather personal stories from those that have to fight this intense pain simply to get out of bed in the morning, to find yourself important enough to shower and eat properly, to try to get to bed at a decent time and to find the motivation to do it all again tomorrow. BPD sufferers have the greatest amount of attempted and successful suicide attempts, much greater than any other mental illness. I need some personal stories about how it actually feels inside BPD sufferers, and ones about how far we are willing to go to stop the constant suffering inside. please try to share the ruminating negative thoughts that you experience, the feelings that make you feel worthless, like no one could possibly be able to love someone like you, examples of the black or white feelings that effect your everyday life, how debilitating thoughts and actions that make it so hard for you to maintain a normal life, what makes maintaining relationships near impossible for you. Describe as well as you can the internal arguments that make your life and decision making processes that is unbearable, the anxiety, and any other symptoms you experience that make life so hard for you, but other s seem to breeze through with no problems. If you are interested in helping me put together this more personal side of what BPD feels like inside of you please contact me through my email- ganeshavs.world@gmail.com, i can give you my phone number after you send me something indicating that you are serious about sharing how difficult this disease is from your personal viewpoint. I believe that in putting this together it may be a tool for those that feel that they are all alone in this awful endless suffering and maybe even relay to others good personal insight on how to deal with these things, or show other sufferers ways to make it bearable. Of course I will not use your name or any of your personal information other than the stories and tips that you would like to pass along to others. if you feel more secure using a pseudonym please do so. I simply want to put something together with more of a personal angle than a clinical definition and show sufferers that they are not alone. Also I believe it may help to heal some of your internal pain by sharing your story, and help to reduce some of the pain in those that believe they are alone in this and need some tip and guidance to make it through extreme low points, knowing that there are others who have been in all that pain and came out the other side. I truly believe that this could help other sufferers, including myself. please contact me if you are interested. Ganeshavs.world@gmail.com. you never know, your story may be the one that someone really close to the edge may need to hear to overcome the helplessness and hopelessness that I am certain we have all felt at some point.",13.825245463882231,9.906316711811025,12.013296816158853,58.107292023279726,54.322834645669296,15.64190345771996,48.553577541937685,13.306631327047999,6.287646353988359,2892,133,465,73,23,906,255,635,0.181,0.654,0.165,-0.9781,1,4,2,0,1,2,47.0,5,25,4,6,18,49,1,0,29,1,39,17,1,18,9,118,81,38,1,15,12,0,17,9,0,7,14,1,3,8,66,30,1,2,27,4,0,8,7,27,1,4,5,21,53,22,94,62,22,46,0,17,3,1,68,27,0,17,19,353,119,6,0.09400727635496772,0.0,0.09173754100980497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472637438516885,0.0,0.03758879246858711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958922573523658,0.0,0.03595765455115989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211828017007938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551966210650914,0.0,0.0,0.05375964016295432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050794234521477334,0.0,0.07505716072774488,0.0,0.0,0.030313458110510307,0.048458687038159504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809645632670116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04856732310182765,0.0,0.03104545971435861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839143097144278,0.0,0.0,0.3089638729299304,0.2014764510345928,0.04513086380516857,0.0,0.08592094750303338,0.03998127062194808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911492188822545,0.0450901727577611,0.02671325077553095,0.03942442163076493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421205470318678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05297651634639297,0.0,0.12602219150479166,0.0,0.0,0.04668521844152397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774959108730324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048064404630396115,0.13280023882992847,0.2066724303124197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242261859973745,0.0,0.2510023477816206,0.047654311599235465,0.04722147226765412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04736861190921875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691061647367515,0.1045578063830026,0.036252103444854265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04605358559659745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555264507834113,0.0,0.30009111014245066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032586404402284316,0.32833411073389684,0.0,0.20638351916497516,0.13330089298869274,0.052989539618700496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044976133755857774,0.0,0.14175491658104725,0.0,0.0,0.04701635802951675,0.0,0.060223468426877584,0.0,0.0,0.05046431678208778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042790346863591434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930412038084366,0.0723713941180361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039297146199971086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05141435116698388,0.0,0.0,0.04885477743802625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031227128620859888,0.0,0.0,0.07463127671117738,0.02740819941453616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638247698453369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056539589322190324,0.08119210357434663,0.0,0.0,0.027723963619352324,0.03730930014601802,0.0,0.0,0.04226191563157149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033390035961022316,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeerIsTheMindSpiller,2018/02/27,"How do you find support IRL? I am currently in a DBT group but we have very strict rules about not being allowed to socialize outside of group because creating ""sub groups"" could be harmful to those not included. My heart feels crushed right now because when I searched for meetups in my town the only thing that came up was a group for ""victims of borderlines"". I am glad there's a support group especially given the massively negative impact my actions have had on others, but just reading the way the description was written really made me feel hopeless. I saw there is a bipolar Meetup group which I do plan to attend but I feel like I can't fully change without actual social support and ideally positive role models who've ""been there"", in the same way that people in AA have sponsors.",11.16591836734694,8.390908278911564,10.17996598639456,65.71443877551023,58.04761904761904,13.337414965986396,44.90816326530612,11.538034831475384,5.221604081632654,635,30,106,13,6,202,105,147,0.096,0.736,0.168,0.8979,2,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,1,1,0,2,8,9,1,0,9,0,16,2,1,3,0,20,27,6,0,2,7,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,1,0,3,5,3,1,0,9,4,13,6,15,15,1,16,0,1,1,0,11,8,0,0,4,74,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.1644678537515867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547724863989533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927614919417491,0.0,0.0,0.1782898567941091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345631242967445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556521966817313,0.12040290564580855,0.0,0.0,0.1540398148083814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971722144776544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233869185444317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947383633559864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818002476872725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684237302484793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685826633505323,0.0,0.10796915296199587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439297239539505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436046060546871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5737615576996862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196853036530917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906072086296645,0.0,0.26755373873967275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246370659724013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ariaa95,2018/02/27,Anyone else here that can’t wait to slip into that sweet sweet depression? Got a long weekend ahead of me (Thu-Mon) and I literally can’t wait pretending to be happy and wallow in uninterrupted sadness for four days.,3.683780487804878,6.266146097560978,5.1001829268292695,76.75320121951222,75.82926829268294,8.002439024390245,24.88414634146341,8.841846274778883,2.1522146341463406,174,6,31,4,4,58,34,41,0.138,0.629,0.233,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,2,3,7,4,0,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866441865298179,0.4200387253371916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643816356559298,0.0,0.3530863961193741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424577716350363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278717362916041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43639576656323215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627898307046068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AberonTheFallen,2018/02/27,"Medicated for Anxiety and Depression; does it even matter with BPD? So, I've been doing some reading every now and again about BPD, as well as the other conditions I've been diagnosed with, and I've read a lot about how BPD really doesn't have a ""treatment"" as far as medication is concerned. I'm currently on Venelafaxine and Buspirone for Depression and anxiety, respectively, and I feel like they're really not doing anything for me. I still have depressive episodes and I can't stop my mind from just buzzing with thoughts, feelings of abandonment leading to anxiety, etc. I know that no medicine is 100% effective, but it feels and sounds like it's a little bit of a losing battle with BPD. I'm assuming others have experience with this and have (hopefully) had some success with being medicated for other conditions that helped BPD as well. I'm just tired, tired of not being able to control some of the shit I think, do, and feel. I would love to be able to do that, at least better than I can now, so I'm reaching out a bit to touch base with others that have or had the same issues.",11.171112440191386,7.458203545454545,10.52028110047847,66.1688427033493,59.0,14.469138755980866,42.39294258373206,12.38480682065935,5.012669377990432,867,34,162,21,8,282,114,209,0.125,0.7070000000000001,0.168,0.9154,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,6,14,16,2,0,8,0,22,8,1,4,0,47,35,20,0,2,6,0,5,2,0,1,6,1,0,0,12,18,0,3,9,2,0,1,5,7,2,0,5,6,9,9,32,26,9,12,0,5,0,1,2,5,1,7,8,117,21,4,0.19186971205470246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201697068270267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894621233102271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484658409281014,0.20947203174399567,0.0,0.6041329640380274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759909854105804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24788565276490804,0.09737185945490663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395323900312136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699272370441572,0.06336406762288968,0.0,0.08082925383945593,0.0,0.0,0.09384269765034492,0.0,0.0,0.19403018290930996,0.06853588031463033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430311177515882,0.0,0.0,0.0952849584298454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013106503446748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272328795940013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373784959641948,0.09615192873038468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732656470879952,0.0,0.08156038393153728,0.08658495311153601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28993282376644763,0.0,0.0,0.09686685663433378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192163472370333,0.0,0.12291665064700973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847575109115088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661369994754817,0.080205835317359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147118206262023,0.0,0.07616155965831109,0.0,0.220526008832017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251391376325625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814936921634325,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sunshine_girl_,2018/02/27,"BPD. . . Nice to formally meet. I'm new to Reddit and this sub category. I apologize if I break any rules... I just recently received my diagnosis.. This is a useless vent. (It maybe triggering so I'll mark some paragraphs). If you would like to read or comment that is okay. If not that's okay too. If this doesn't belong here let me know and I will delete it immediately. LONG vent/reflection/rant...you were warned. I'm not a ""woe is me"" woman [22 f] we all have had a fair share of life.. I grew up in foster care for a decade (moving every year). I utilized almost EVERY resource the foster care system offered. (Job, school, therapy.. you name it.) I promised myself two things: I would never use my childhood as a crutch. I would be a good person, especially to people. I overcame (or so I thought) childhood trauma, teenage mellowdrama and humbly began my adult life. I work, put myself through college & professionally volunteer/advocate for and with disadvantaged youth. (Not stroking my ego) But I really thought everything was only going to get better. I truly felt ""you freaking got this girl!:D"". Then the Dec. 2017 to 2018 shit storm: TRIGGER Warning: May trigger sexual assult/abuse survivors. Jan or early Feb 2017?: I was raped by a closeted nazi after work-many people knew the person at work and community. After being ""out of body"" for a few days... I calmly decided ""mmm fuck it, they'll get theirs"" dealt with my trauma via awesome therapy and great support systems and assertiveness. June: I was disowned by most my Caucasian family due to. . . Well I'll just say the ""shift in policies""... One day, we were enjoying dinner in the beautiful garden then... nothing. No text, call, anything. When I finally reached out I was told I was dishonest about how frequently I communicated with a sibling (also biracial) they disowned (also). ?! Still trying to wrap my head around it but I digress. August: The man I spent 6 years with (5 helping him battle a chronic illness) (weren't ""dating"" due to his medical stuff and my therapy) but entirely disassociated himself from me/left for an older married (hopefully separated now) woman. Said his life couldn't deal with ""superficial stress"". I guess her kids weren't? During his ghost, my younger sister (also disowned) was killed. She died prostituting, on the side of a road, alone. They took one look at her, decided she had no family and they cremated her. It took quite awhile for them to locate my sister's identity. And for my step mom to get plane fair to claim the remains. No funeral. I remember smiling and kind of denying everything. Especially since my ex wasn't transparent...I just begged him to come see/hang with me. Like calling back to back because they said they don't want to talk to you in a text........ Pathetic and unstable now that I look back. Wtf. Don't ever do that people. If a death doesn't make someone feel obligated to support you, they shouldn't! End of August/September​: I FUCKING BROKE. I. Broke. The. Fuck. Down. Man. How could I advocate for others while my sister was soliciting her fucking body?! What kind of hypocrite am I? What kind of fucking sister am I?! Not one. That's what kind. I realized I was so busy trying to prove I could overcome my background I forgot who was still back there. I just drank and begged my ex to come see me/call me. Lol he never did. Me two years ago: ""Damn, you dodged a bullet, go get some ice cream"". Post full blown BPD? Hahaha try being a fucking borderline harassing lunatic. I worked with my therapist to formulate an apology letter for my ex-which I mailed-for the crazy crap I pulled. Thankfully he's still an ass but he understands that is not my character-just a BPD side effect. Also note August-Nov: I had a horrific infection/rash. They assumed it herpes based on stereotype (only did a visual diagnosis) (even though I clearly stated I was NOT intimate w/ anyone) and prescribed me the wrong antibiotics that made the underlying issue worse (it was staff). I didn't leave the house so I didn't have to take care of myself. I isolated. Denied. Spun myself right out of control and helped push a lot of really cool people away. . . I wish I could go back and adjust my behavior, reactions... show I'm not crazy..that I can be stable. That not all of us ""ghetto"" brown people are a statistic. Now...all I can harbor is guilt and the self worth equal to damaged goods. I no longer have ability to deny. BPD. . . You really tried to fuck me dude!! Everyone has life, trauma, joy and pain. Why the heck did MY BRAIN have to create/welcome YOU to deal with it?! I almost feel like there will never be any coming back from the ""crazy ghetto black girl"" reputation you help carry. . I feel even if I successfully finish my therapies and support groups- BPD still have marked me like a flag. BPD is barely understood by the general public. My therapist refers to it ""borderline personality patterns"", which helps a little with the shame. Anyways, one day at a time. In conclusion: Nice to finally meet what's been destroying my year and mental health progress-oh, and fuck you, you suck. ",2.308955696202532,5.158028207805913,3.635092827004218,83.07156329113927,84.95991561181435,6.788691983122362,23.82827004219409,7.965292045401009,1.8112070042194093,3983,151,712,86,120,1297,467,948,0.172,0.703,0.126,-0.9969,2,1,0,0,1,0,245.0,3,11,10,9,40,63,17,3,44,4,65,28,7,10,8,122,125,50,6,17,25,7,5,4,0,8,10,3,2,11,31,39,2,2,20,3,2,15,26,31,1,6,41,15,124,32,84,66,9,94,0,5,6,10,83,24,14,19,54,451,155,10,0.0,0.055350804009710035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04141090264903936,0.0,0.09355862315322776,0.04838367238956609,0.0,0.14943502757132635,0.0,0.050616750997108544,0.0,0.06353694448197904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032664903407947886,0.0,0.03844327577790479,0.04158713164442781,0.0,0.0,0.0438912063690717,0.2155302564234262,0.0,0.02847763128561957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041316493024597466,0.0,0.10378185751341043,0.35302289177327106,0.052150489954434325,0.0954044891368062,0.0,0.14289018266026066,0.0,0.0,0.1207250555146572,0.0,0.0,0.05239595031264575,0.11189673982094557,0.0,0.0,0.09038383819416343,0.09632425994622316,0.0,0.0,0.04848381766216057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041376497298294616,0.0,0.0,0.0617109359426313,0.042257283613728464,0.07872046560621154,0.04463912631377697,0.0839706313807761,0.0,0.08807934741888003,0.0,0.07086301809715283,0.03337390952423769,0.04485467232473084,0.10235015776799636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34550540812697283,0.09762869760533156,0.0,0.07964931374485977,0.07836630477422728,0.037363041357363534,0.05150453916521445,0.05146292506438754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794407889882248,0.04965690826984615,0.0,0.0,0.12525096195797913,0.0,0.0,0.04639951463466604,0.0,0.0539039752989659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875935188524181,0.04635840742054715,0.0,0.05168431663701385,0.19459004106212824,0.025673884016657662,0.0,0.0,0.04946548360914984,0.05075705516109524,0.04777026049150845,0.13198752904614805,0.09129228360577972,0.04682169040942182,0.0,0.04134217728542355,0.07845932454648498,0.0,0.0,0.03971626046965873,0.0,0.044203795222384115,0.03118328321580158,0.04736267714422805,0.04693248669914482,0.0,0.0,0.047061440830055264,0.0470787258767695,0.0,0.0,0.05471319785018077,0.0,0.049651699657665166,0.0,0.0,0.1080907443820049,0.04511859010271788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044825248224125605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662384374037314,0.07105922446805947,0.0497091025154231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16193491199455334,0.12237179040250995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044741000817279684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046962468678579714,0.0,0.04968820118502065,0.0467286277173955,0.0,0.08978237002757089,0.0,0.04612640002834456,0.0,0.05292010507024085,0.03989519654299861,0.08887520052317656,0.037150426877535316,0.0,0.04727907158415005,0.07445318454076236,0.0,0.048734961471566224,0.0,0.047953288002720064,0.038643946127504034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03958230309145933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922978612828858,0.0,0.053513003791910034,0.0,0.053478626934238715,0.0,0.15903824091658544,0.0,0.0,0.03512460737641546,0.037548539742168416,0.0,0.04300980314949318,0.21369520398343425,0.10848172008302216,0.03103602510197206,0.0,0.04589821876829765,0.07417454885214939,0.027240466946460363,0.0,0.0,0.04463912631377697,0.1038063580517002,0.12686835111213113,0.0,0.09126945987740588,0.04863298864996581,0.05619357881936345,0.04034761241115272,0.0,0.0,0.02755429874015376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200328151601792,0.0,0.04215391089489903,0.0,0.053721078060240415,0.0,0.0,0.13603917592111378,0.0,0.04760758049497616,0.09955708769999956,0.05107659677362643,0.0,0.12033425260931672 bpd,strawberrygnome,2018/02/27,"BPD is so cruel. It’s messed up my life and relationships and it’s not fair, it’s not my fault I have this disorder! Everyone has judged me for it. I just want to be normal Why do have have to suffer because of events in my childhood that were not my fault? I can’t trust myself now I finally have my diagnosis. It all makes so much sense, but I’ve lost so much. I wish my loved ones and I knew about it sooner, so much could of been different. Now I’m on my own and so lonely because I messed everything up, but it wasn’t me it was the disorder. I can still remember my younger years before the disorder emerged, I miss it so much. Sorry just wanted to vent a little bit to those who understand. Edit: just want to say thank you so much to those who replied. Your kind words, good advice and wisdom have me feeling better already. What a great community. What helps is knowing it’s possible to recover, and I’m going to do it. Thank you!",1.2588341968911898,3.4339386528497404,3.1527746113989643,89.64646761658031,82.16062176165805,6.761554404145078,21.56709844559585,7.908726449838941,1.0107597927461145,732,23,158,14,20,245,108,193,0.14,0.633,0.227,0.9722,1,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,0,2,14,18,1,0,4,0,18,2,0,1,1,28,35,15,0,6,8,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,19,6,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,1,6,2,24,9,16,27,8,13,0,4,0,1,9,5,0,0,7,113,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213014728782932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791982267157255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237471546246273,0.0,0.10634976553160704,0.0,0.0,0.11053568334717792,0.1364470615906998,0.0,0.15740940127761294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978728989305438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057871582097005,0.42971772648472906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942485845003305,0.11232501165142754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631942319398452,0.0,0.0,0.13691075647250162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102967587044394,0.10482827093353986,0.0,0.13779217487600245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377223994830754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301486500109802,0.06868637936593344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827789248554943,0.0,0.12526396037036042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643170468359928,0.0,0.11280038038181918,0.0,0.08342589767275617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593776814311548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245500501176068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469047147561473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089748399651802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418299757581095,0.1415792955433327,0.0,0.0,0.0993900382373448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399061810884018,0.0,0.0,0.09981011926413556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23013172869858564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010979974605175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115138658418507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277606121482064,0.0,0.14372217095000206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048377214835227 bpd,rickys_secret_accoun,2018/02/27,"Are you a sweet person? I really like to do things for people. For myself I am incredibly cheap, but I will spend money for other people no problem. I spend just over $20/week on groceries, but I took three friends out to dinner and spent $160 on them without a second thought. I would do it again too. I like sharing things. I like to feed people. I like to learn about them. I thought for some time that I soberly chose to develop these traits because it was who I wanted to be. I thought it was me working towards being a good person. Recently I have been doubting that a little bit. I noticed I feel a little like if I don't do these things for people they will not take interest in me, and they will drift away. As borderline as that sounds, I think it is somewhat justified. Everyone is satisfied keeping up on social media without spending time together. That's just the norm now. There is one person who just enjoys to dance and play sports together, but he seems unique. No one besides me regularly joins him. It is fun. A borderline person who I was very close with was also very sweet. She always brought food and shared things with people. I did not make the connection until now. And now I feel somewhat malicious, like it's bait to lure people in just to lash out and hurt them. I am wondering if this is common for other borderline people or a rational response to standard social behavior. Are you like this? Do you like to do things for people, and do you hurt the people you do the most for?",3.210805736636246,5.270361111864407,4.195000000000004,85.19526401564539,75.16949152542372,7.114732724902217,25.24445893089961,8.012643519586192,1.5547209908735329,1188,41,227,19,26,384,146,295,0.076,0.7170000000000001,0.208,0.9924,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,5,5,1,12,22,0,1,11,0,30,3,0,1,0,46,45,17,0,5,14,0,2,8,1,4,0,1,0,4,24,12,3,1,9,3,6,4,7,4,0,4,12,5,38,18,38,27,5,27,0,2,0,0,25,14,0,10,17,177,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151091538095247,0.07440644879236379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401511735602915,0.0,0.0,0.05451095407049432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976259018413964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544676134865375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042912045710584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081297008871632,0.0,0.06908738376067618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500311380145261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145666756267374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079482576009681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34949743036656017,0.17924910887512874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596900248512644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180778781356868,0.0,0.0,0.12118961828553568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5579469595241184,0.312320126125277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556498583628057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057286162600473985,0.0,0.08829365224108504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140662875087327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230937997308475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723437916013712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970407408355313,0.05729814654640152,0.0,0.21297375746210265,0.1042856287929506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099351374403793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756538970902305,0.05274354099203736,0.0,0.07172910936812857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239965411382166,0.09697458086179253,0.06510043967533581,0.0,0.0,0.0635229779773071,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,onefourtygreenstream,2018/02/27,"How do I stop myself from fixating? I have a new friend, who I see just about every day. We work out together almost every day, and hang out after like a third of the time. I like spending time with him. A lot, actually. But I don't know where to draw the line between ""friends"" and ""obsessed"". On top of that, I kind have a wall up around him because I'm scared that I'll cross that line. I'm worried that I'm gonna start fixating on him, and that hes going to become my new FP. Which is something I so don't want. I've gone 6months w/o a FP, and I'd like to keep it that way thank you very much. Any tips on maintaining a close friendships without getting obsessed? Should I tell him about my BPD? Just... help? ",1.1343428571428582,2.9187721866666685,2.5912380952380967,95.568,80.46666666666667,5.61904761904762,22.047619047619047,6.5431188927421005,0.2409619047619049,548,17,128,5,14,178,95,150,0.06,0.762,0.17800000000000002,0.9467,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,2,8,10,0,3,8,0,8,0,0,1,0,22,21,7,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,2,1,0,1,4,3,3,0,1,1,1,18,7,19,18,2,25,0,0,1,0,12,11,0,2,12,74,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.1668839079017744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124470264181108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629462681132227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522377254422047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424786806582703,0.1888702968674418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153847434189552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205783279479012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28817146448345393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264248263128256,0.0,0.08934717467651998,0.0,0.09719056414874333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462633273774805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520041107090855,0.0,0.17808360467301476,0.09398420981233108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25064477382207423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453890402605136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571414825845684,0.0,0.0,0.3303306220359284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121373239817322,0.0,0.13627512908711367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165407463261405,0.0,0.0,0.12104380096090288,0.0,0.0,0.14297443020709724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947280012579875,0.15744568919008706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943797823663265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411035409284397,0.10086783099690093,0.13574206897004698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648503195652187,0.0,0.12449941781472468,0.1736718869700783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,I-Strobes-I,2018/02/27,"DAE feel invalidated by how much you can relate to everyone else on the sub? Maybe invalidated is the wrong word; and I cant really make up my mind. On one hand I love seeing stories, knowing im not the only person struggling, and its great to see the support in the comments. On the other i cant help but feel the whole ""You are not your diagnoses"" is rubbish. I could easily be convinced that I made half the posts on this sub and just forgotten about it. I feel like I'm not unique; rather just ""another BPD"" if that makes any sense.",4.5573412698412685,5.093146083333334,5.7234391534391555,81.50833333333334,69.64814814814815,9.134391534391536,27.46560846560846,9.23628265651192,2.0347497354497355,419,13,88,8,7,140,76,108,0.07,0.764,0.16699999999999998,0.9016,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,5,7,0,1,8,0,8,3,1,4,0,22,20,6,0,3,8,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,6,10,5,10,17,2,7,0,0,2,1,7,6,0,1,1,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592800608603055,0.1941762289113376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332263495209021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785028823847646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795269153117045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469321426429775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694638028149953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28089605652169075,0.13229184739517494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416039752414936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241215172394634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002499526161086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176948385104358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046905968839072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713119246685326,0.17522075822732894,0.2472167152888913,0.0,0.1860371007409316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697790641472253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612780281478856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548201912429785,0.14083690243902774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616910779726114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773502037011397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186303489141077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951272256610551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358919912658004,0.0,0.0,0.2101388279773271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674563534818974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246406376017206,0.0,0.0 bpd,artisticallypretty,2018/02/27,"Why do I do this?? My FP has recently become really close with a few of our other friends and I feel so jealous whenever they all hangout without me. Why am I this way??? I know it’s stupid but it feels like she cares more about them than me. All I want is to be wanted. I want someone who is 100% dedicated to me, who texts me first, who is always there when I need them. But I know that’s not the way life is I feel so selfish and stupid, but I’m still mad at her. I told her and she seemed surprised, not mad, but I still hate myself over feeling that she should pay more attention to me. Of course she’s entitled to other friends, but whenever it feels as if she chooses them over me, I get so angry and sad. ",0.3196109271523184,2.325038158940401,2.234995860927153,95.84799048013248,84.62913907284769,5.6293046357615895,20.033526490066226,6.9077264865688965,0.18069834437086074,546,16,129,7,16,181,86,151,0.227,0.625,0.149,-0.9649,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,4,1,8,13,6,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,2,32,27,15,0,6,9,0,5,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,10,1,1,0,3,8,0,1,1,5,32,5,14,24,5,11,0,1,0,0,18,4,0,2,6,95,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449754025277439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242611420478015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764165192918854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44048595085767,0.12447173715181352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820208065893098,0.0,0.0,0.2692232039790796,0.0,0.09102929324162157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201852827988756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150725752802275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306557170668148,0.08512120164341898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919119556102135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161780486862642,0.0,0.17203358018088385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586147298135223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762663698975434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278284608830316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664866261227142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083005388711923,0.2765953069301934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144354731962251,0.0,0.0,0.16795391835284162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,adi_ccion,2018/02/27,"What's happening to me? I feel empty. A little background for you guys: I got diagnosed with BPD in high school and with major depression a couple of years later. I took sleeping pills in the past due to the inability to rest at night on daily basis. For economical reasons I was never able to stay with the same psychologist, nor psychiatrist for a long period of time, another reason for that is the fact that most of the time I just couldn't trust them or take them seriously. At some point I took the rorschach test and never heard of the results. My psychiatrist told me she needed to talk to my main psychologist first, but that the results were really worrying and I had something that would burden me my whole life, and would likely need to take pills for my entire life to live as a regular person. I was probably 16 or 17 at the moment. That same psychiatrist went on a trip weeks after, or left the country, I can't remember. I grew up in Venezuela, went from being middle class to barely survive, got married and came to the US running away from that country, from that life, without any idea of how to be an adult. I've always had this being with me, most of the time I just call him Waiss. I can't see him most of the time, but I can feel his presence and his touch. I also can see him in my nightmares. So yeah, I guess I have kind of a creepy possessive crazy imaginary friend, or hallucination, or whatever. Truth is I would prefer him to be more present, he has always made me feel safe and not alone. Also I know I have some problems dissociating. One of my psychologists explained to me one time that the line between reality and my imagination or whatever I wanted to call it was really blurred for me and I couldn't differentiate them most of the time. Apart from all that, lately I realized something. Even though I know I'm a mess I'm not only perfectly capable of living a regular life without any inconvenience but I'm doing ""pretty good"", I have an amazing position at my retail job and people depending on me and I've never let them down. When I'm with people or in a situation when I'm ""supposed to act"" a certain way my brain just does it. It's like I'm not controlling my body but someone else is and my true self is confined in a small corner, just looking at everything. Even under the influence, even under alcohol, everytime that someone takes control. I've noticed that has also been something that has happened before in therapy, I always said ""what it needed to be said"", not what I felt. So right now I feel empty. I kind of had a breakdown and just stopped feeling. I want to know what's happening to me, I want to get help but I'm in no economic position to pay for therapy again (and no, I don't have insurance, this immigration thing is hard as hell too). And I just don't feel motivated enough, like doing anything, I just want to sleep and probably never wake up. My life is not at the worst state it has been and I believe there wasn't an event to trigger what's happening right now. It's just that before I didn't have free time, now I have. I've always felt that having enough time to be with myself and think was the worst that could happen. Right now I'm confused and scared and want to talk to someone. I don't have any close friends and talking to my husband doesn't work as well, plus he has no idea how to help me and me neither.",5.292804627066921,5.7351968330849505,6.239223972748567,78.78578365623449,68.00149031296573,9.49032715917962,30.13416365055709,9.48565724429506,2.5589463203463203,2669,95,528,52,42,887,283,671,0.107,0.792,0.1,-0.242,2,1,4,0,0,0,71.0,1,1,4,7,29,27,1,2,33,1,54,14,5,13,10,129,108,49,0,16,27,1,10,3,2,3,9,3,0,4,29,31,1,5,22,0,3,9,26,10,1,3,26,16,75,18,87,69,19,81,1,1,3,0,34,35,1,17,37,375,104,7,0.059005379686064764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305880620257512,0.0,0.06111177826332435,0.0,0.14155974245066846,0.1963888108848794,0.0,0.0,0.1203770447016292,0.06187228537466916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485563998974534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543749655338169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041846432255053,0.06647885704349027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554167502055065,0.07431521013336062,0.06586951798033404,0.12050217971283116,0.06748643514835136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235910129438952,0.04711099436787949,0.06528833032237236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082124706217776,0.059889218327870926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163600539351213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049291423322757835,0.0,0.0,0.12193666069584785,0.0,0.116917490368969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053030230572989334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900935729537673,0.0,0.11330883555561397,0.0,0.0,0.050189945818054506,0.0,0.0,0.09117481995256158,0.0,0.030827875528733062,0.0,0.0,0.049490912989393517,0.09438398475792484,0.0,0.06500107804952697,0.0584246027017833,0.2608913119406407,0.0,0.052857230361005036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910012444709284,0.062342423258472675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321978301213422,0.0,0.0,0.058553734658972935,0.0,0.0,0.12289004590115002,0.09728344065441212,0.0,0.06656063837931618,0.0,0.06410951767632024,0.060336998465785316,0.2083862233432829,0.08648114411327809,0.05913889171487646,0.10420566258292824,0.05221790423115311,0.049549658051679685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055832316949349294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312552241482974,0.18203434552066655,0.0,0.0,0.05537255170133158,0.0,0.0,0.06717801585760808,0.0,0.0,0.07996714469301275,0.04487625013549317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632731150822744,0.08181380160829779,0.05152122159827962,0.0,0.0,0.055779156027522835,0.0,0.0,0.06002968395763796,0.1272355582793441,0.05646017950897441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560071429198179,0.12133471529876777,0.0,0.0,0.06684159277297448,0.1511708155559463,0.1122552563548714,0.0,0.05907467863746305,0.05971659438917446,0.09403929631506508,0.0,0.06155547960770905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663245189956328,0.11809598533120767,0.0,0.14998520018492467,0.13627567207308716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289188382976332,0.0,0.049331139503555235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330941066414417,0.14227886732280332,0.0,0.0,0.13495558808169064,0.0,0.039200552387497166,0.037808264770022866,0.057972485954882524,0.0,0.2752520912291059,0.0,0.0,0.05638216891002992,0.1311142958413961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097620662155729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401450857756762,0.046835723920445466,0.047330556434524856,0.0,0.053052922598996986,0.10939715623716964,0.0,0.0658773992159016,0.0,0.11375816081096413,0.0,0.04295661916213548,0.05992282726048818,0.0,0.12574718634579596,0.0,0.0,0.03799752995046153 bpd,IvysaurousRex,2018/02/27,"New to this sub, but wanted to share my story It was a year ago that I was diagnosed with BPD as well as GAD. Growing up, my parents didn't believe in mental illnesses and refused to let anyone ""label"" their child. My step-brother was even denied his ADHD meds because they just thought he was acting out. It wasn't a very supportive household, to say the least. My parents were very emotionally and mentally abusive, even physically abusive sometimes. They always provided the basics of food, shelter, clothes, ect., but they didn't provide emotionally. I knew that my thoughts and patterns weren't ""normal"" for a long time before I could get any help. I once tried to ask them if I could see a therapist, just to see what it was like, and I was denied and told that I was weak and nothing was wrong with me. So I kept my mouth shut and tried everything I could to make them happy, just like I had done for my entire life. One day I just left. Packed a backpack and a suitcase and left. I cut all ties to them: I got on my own phone plan and bought my own car that day. I stayed with my boyfriend at the time. I was finally free to get help, to get better. I spent a long while not speaking with them to try and distance myself from the toxicity of my family. I tried therapy, but all I could hear in my head was their voices telling me that I'm just lazy or that I'm weak for seeking help. So I gave up on that and tried to fix it myself. I felt like so much was happening in my head all at once, I didn't even know where to begin to fix it. I felt so broken. So I ended up ignoring it. For a few years, I tried on and off to figure out what was wrong with me to no avail. I went through a few relationships, as well as spent time single. I kept flip-flopping on what I wanted out of life: to settle down, to stay single and free, to go to school, to travel the world, to quit my job, what to major in. I dropped out of college and couch hopped for about 2 years. I eventually started trying to get my life moving in some direction. My best friend and I got our own apartment, I was working 2 jobs to get out of debt, and I was feeling pretty good about my life. I thought that this would help sort my thoughts, but I still felt just as broken. Then I came across a TIL post about BPD. I had never heard of it before, but I was interested. I read up on the symptoms, and it sounded a lot like me. I did more research, and I was amazed. All my thoughts and feelings and inner-conflicts were not only all put together in one cohesive disorder, but I wasn't alone in my struggle. At this point, I decided to continue my journey into therapy. I found a new therapist who I connected with really well. I told her that I had learned about BPD and it sounded a lot like me. After some time of getting to know me, she gave me the official diagnosis, as well as GAD. Though it is still a daily struggle to live with BPD, it helps me immensely to just have a name for what's up in my brain and to know that I'm not alone in it. I don't feel like there are a hundred things wrong with me; just one. And I can handle one. Thanks for reading, sorry for the wall of text, I just really wanted to put this out there to people who can understand and relate. I'd love to meet more people going through the same things as me. Lots of love, reddit <3",3.634654372137941,4.382641491947292,4.6935522257873625,87.29506245911344,71.85505124450954,7.80398118438678,26.391358524656553,7.987972078202968,1.3606805333167191,2581,81,563,34,47,846,284,683,0.1,0.7290000000000001,0.171,0.9947,5,2,0,0,0,0,89.0,1,0,9,5,31,33,1,2,25,0,41,16,4,1,6,109,98,50,0,10,20,2,6,6,1,1,9,7,1,1,35,41,1,4,20,3,6,12,12,9,4,4,53,15,96,26,107,39,24,82,0,0,2,2,43,40,0,8,32,398,131,9,0.0,0.12963140489842218,0.0,0.0,0.06574399095444099,0.0,0.04849210038182142,0.0,0.0,0.11331440506093035,0.0,0.0,0.04551839657274178,0.0,0.0,0.03720082988635138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825054934071703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051141177198746016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033347260421786463,0.0,0.09309873534371513,0.0616330627997337,0.0574088341530934,0.048381546863482366,0.0,0.0,0.2755928255582624,0.06106813983902047,0.0,0.06256719625771287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470786975377112,0.0,0.0,0.07055955274630799,0.0,0.0,0.05552375775374548,0.0,0.0,0.06269591771159877,0.0,0.0,0.05598153696662054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307004823953435,0.04845181177144927,0.0,0.0,0.10839511006610407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049164737129148005,0.0,0.05157038706448885,0.0,0.08298048019017709,0.0390807943622717,0.15757424739557171,0.05992593504474205,0.0,0.0,0.06614871004002236,0.059980489735304066,0.04226444055900702,0.0,0.1714845717520498,0.0,0.0621794788390673,0.045883408409021914,0.08750412264261268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048374870832160174,0.05823379152770827,0.0,0.0,0.11228487852000968,0.0,0.06165577160203507,0.0,0.1833358436925703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857124101981856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019223064116556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887285987544507,0.055938898184672216,0.15455718417678235,0.16035467585249105,0.0,0.04830493807873296,0.09682324618317983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952303134811775,0.09874561271803016,0.0,0.036515574479285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076419409405135,0.0,0.11025822452665224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814206042145766,0.04021398728298852,0.0,0.04219136259308733,0.1056675928505994,0.0,0.0,0.053598642395290615,0.052490293557384826,0.0,0.0,0.11651668223993004,0.1482763173126023,0.04160511876742992,0.0,0.0,0.12148540062188785,0.0,0.0,0.0758502085724853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517132871901127,0.0,0.052391639979502115,0.05565398452607058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998595054255164,0.0,0.05818480365126873,0.10943829576384616,0.0,0.0700900072426667,0.0,0.0,0.0587319930443293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043503090107473184,0.0,0.0553637167643606,0.08718455931992769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410399511075259,0.0612370345199678,0.03872001632241813,0.1166151043522769,0.08737391974065772,0.0,0.0,0.11437771609951353,0.0,0.0,0.062077841419653786,0.0,0.05685875944903074,0.0,0.0,0.0478140079432722,0.050364410295605684,0.12511837004015275,0.12703191969616714,0.07268627092978719,0.0,0.053746740338458186,0.2171456934420496,0.12759417188372613,0.0,0.0,0.10454469019958412,0.0,0.2599846113402601,0.0,0.0,0.05694915147030322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027362598543807,0.09679811848939936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967431003282316,0.0507114750488779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039825414037309964,0.0,0.0,0.03886039651107975,0.17943183795579246,0.0,0.1056834121624334 bpd,vatrume,2018/02/27,"All or nothing about *everything* I always noticed I had all-or-nothing tendencies but I didn’t realize the extent and pervasiveness until recently. I’m not sure there is an area of my life where I’m not -200% in and overdoing it- or at zero. This includes normal people things like food, sleep, routine, relationships, alcohol/drugs, shopping etc. I’m either binging or starving, spending all my money on clothes/buying a shit ton of stuff at once or not buying anything at all, completely sedentary or overexercising, talking to someone nonstop and hanging out with them every second or don’t want to see them at all, overly zealous about a job or opportunity and then just hating it and uninterested...ugh. I just started playing tennis last week and legit I want to play tennis at every opportunity now. I wish I had some area of my life with some natural moderation. I am starting to see how damaging and maladaptive this quality is and frankly, how abnormal. Even with BPD, I just got diagnosed a few weeks ago and I’m getting intense af about learning about it, practicing DBT skills...it’s just extremeness, like always. Can anyone else relate? Any tips for mitigating this",4.83570422535211,7.562920399061035,5.903406103286388,71.70694014084508,72.70892018779342,8.579248826291082,32.71572769953052,9.255337874911486,3.600280938967136,947,47,147,23,20,313,135,213,0.08900000000000001,0.767,0.14400000000000002,0.7996,1,0,2,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,2,2,14,10,2,0,5,0,8,6,2,2,5,44,22,21,0,4,16,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,13,1,0,2,3,4,1,5,3,0,2,4,2,14,7,25,18,11,23,0,1,2,0,4,12,1,9,12,103,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294752391528165,0.14822612046040906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308159105152062,0.0,0.0,0.0943194847430264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698095757476084,0.14211262504514566,0.11413674336305152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468543971291173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454223507424688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407756826481789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084579736755145,0.0,0.11586449048262752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468507844252874,0.0916088069480548,0.0,0.2337183135023095,0.0,0.1246529361768061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771432966552816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724640485102282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092956508975477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369356888759448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763649281729218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305748796035812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593318239703547,0.13552180107045614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358947192601291,0.26616919340066425,0.15790874059386248,0.0,0.14770898211694447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615581980380344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694767097143432,0.1489098855803904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104890503048732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423716375732655,0.0,0.0,0.13879829639781094,0.0,0.1175184756826839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963425009565151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587761759186446,0.0,0.0,0.13072134635158744,0.0,0.0,0.11148030331672198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214487476400154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361550155209945,0.0,0.2225105479156874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594960048454616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ballsack-Mcgee,2018/02/27,"Gf is uBPD. What to do when she lies and you know it for a fact. I have BPD btw. My gf lied to me about something kind of small but she outright denies it and I know for a fact it happened. She flipped the fuck out on me and then the crying routine started. It's weird knowing all I know about BPD and watching her go through the denial cycle right in front of me. It's even more proof to me that's lying. She's pretty much getting the silent treatment from me until she admits it but I feel like she will just dig her heels in and it will backfire. What can I do at this point? I can't pretend I believe her and part of me thinks she really believes her lie. Another part of me feels like I'm doing some BPD gaslighting thing and this is abusive but I know it happened. I'm usually very good at diserning my paranoid thoughts from reality before I act on them. I have been so right on things before, right down to little details, that it's scary. So I can't just distrust myself all of a sudden. I am always willing to consider I'm just being crazy when I don't know for certain with objectionable facts but I have them. What do I do with this situation?",1.626516304347831,3.6336839958333367,3.0328985507246387,91.90369565217394,79.875,5.507246376811595,23.35144927536232,6.498293943080001,0.5331123188405793,909,31,195,8,23,296,126,240,0.161,0.75,0.08900000000000001,-0.9612,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,2,0,10,8,2,0,7,0,20,2,1,0,7,36,40,17,0,0,7,0,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,19,10,0,0,11,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,3,39,5,30,34,7,25,0,0,1,1,17,15,1,1,9,142,58,0,0.0,0.14106928068825444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906931838979936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248471358764068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262638730507068,0.26828473679153264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498641555433093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078427572656098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863948410305621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040288807861985,0.1701161706526676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007111881749608,0.06220510429848127,0.0,0.06766581261902631,0.09986375484949958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057268451352312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239849972049039,0.3926009475925453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116335589076504,0.11933163943755115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875244430786363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578655985344977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255229751850226,0.0,0.0,0.1211290978552618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627431726829867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050354974925052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383094199353984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916599262762583,0.0,0.0,0.08427286358766417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819931850636704,0.07629027343035089,0.0,0.09452211615673077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113023218101474,0.09823881406565912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MartinIsland,2018/02/27,"I think I have BPD, but I can’t leave my house to get diagnosed. What to do. I found out about BPD today and it’s the first time every symptom of a mental illness described perfectly how I feel. Been reading this subreddit all day and I relate. However, I don’t leave home. Never. Unless I’m drunk or high enough. Then, I go to a bar and get back. I hate leaving home. I even do remote work and avoid meeting with friends unless they come to my place. I’m not going to a therapist. And I know what the answers might look like, I just want to read them. ",0.4815117056856195,2.686689365217393,2.327826086956524,94.12919732441476,85.78260869565217,5.2775919732441485,20.150501672240807,6.67199483983844,0.23868561872909666,427,13,94,5,13,141,79,115,0.12,0.731,0.14800000000000002,0.6374,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,3,5,5,1,1,5,0,7,5,0,1,3,26,21,11,0,1,6,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,2,0,4,8,2,1,5,4,0,3,4,2,0,1,2,2,16,3,12,18,2,13,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,8,61,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090717513327107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633157806580368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424496771008955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301910866865906,0.0,0.0,0.14639464835491597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903245577872246,0.0,0.0952653102232877,0.0,0.12152351057953553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292913105557704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268551292089608,0.0,0.15814532477970036,0.11143496340781624,0.0,0.15071280352502925,0.0,0.16394320751684266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424013838407868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239132159903573,0.28935726906668424,0.0,0.0,0.16642686910139465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792673288169647,0.0,0.0,0.4581694867585263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046553083218507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112037807657013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535412101793296,0.15300966322978118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124228511016296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069401093823628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28854640739492826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499145308636123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746699040300295,0.0,0.09241943342147853,0.0,0.0,0.08410410552496671,0.0,0.13671713008522596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850730515546275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500419495090163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,w1tchy_w0man,2018/02/28,"I keep looking at ""symptoms"" Every now and then I have to read about BPD symptoms so I can feel validated in my feelings. A lot of the time, I'm convinced I'm making up all of my problems but it helps to read about my diagnosis. ",0.036249999999999005,2.3052334583333334,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,89.41666666666666,4.866666666666667,24.66666666666667,6.42735559955562,0.8417666666666674,178,8,38,2,6,62,36,48,0.04,0.8140000000000001,0.146,0.61,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,9,9,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,9,9,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,3,27,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147614145119321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105656518260251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25273084927500755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16751393836037926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22213750212267547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098671379511843,0.0,0.0,0.2124702949731029,0.0,0.0,0.1668213800781356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391365903958421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4999687884708167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5195184167894689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572847440511374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,maggieryanne,2018/02/28,How to decide when a job is not for you truly and it’s not just your BPD getting in the way? I understand this is a difficult question but I’m struggling so much at my current position I can’t help but wonder which is which.,2.036249999999999,3.5380367916666664,4.085833333333337,87.14250000000001,76.91666666666666,7.3000000000000025,26.583333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.6434833333333332,178,7,38,3,4,61,40,48,0.15,0.7759999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.3824,2,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,8,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,30,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181687616670395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346724192183854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254664306534036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294795596942205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440735999532224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3719394488619999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471003848286052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345645516715976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635427746008629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36006255556180866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Neonharpy,2018/02/28,(20 f ) Anyone else in desperate need of a bpd friend?.. Lately everything’s just gotten so bad with my condition that I constantly feel lost and confused I can’t control any of my emotions and it feels like no one in my life understands that I’m trying to be better but I don’t know how.. it would just be nice to have someone to talk to who understands and struggles with bpd too... bleh ,1.3206410256410237,3.7770041410256425,2.918205128205128,89.57679487179489,84.51282051282051,6.543589743589743,22.76923076923077,7.793537801064563,1.2923999999999998,305,11,62,6,9,100,58,78,0.157,0.7509999999999999,0.093,-0.4846,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,18,15,6,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,2,6,4,10,10,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253697423858148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890738006683553,0.1888965280103387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539312053949507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630496439201055,0.0,0.0,0.4643848221823485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922547260230386,0.2067731410854822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400742872002052,0.207377903803983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656890571306587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186433859249478,0.13170537153066586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243451130393536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131831964707043,0.0,0.20796382169043165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021748723964147,0.09006799249463099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012485036004601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366990997249637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492573257228955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620591081527338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19273098000610595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481799539722706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516696093524168,0.0,0.0,0.3838462997053809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096261332041262,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kanmaewest,2018/02/28,"intense emotions getting in way at work...skills that have worked for you? since I changed careers I'm afraid my BPD has reared up with my intense reactions to emotional overwhelm. I'm going to a DBT group but we are on interpersonal skills right now :( I know I need practice with emotion regulation and distress tolerance, I went through some of those modules long ago. Has anyone found certain skills to be especially useful in the moment at work? I reread my workbook and paced breathing sounds good, but I often forget in the fight-or-flight moment to be skillful. If only I had a freezer of ice cubes by my desk!",5.949065217391308,7.34761602608696,5.817989130434783,78.9539402173913,67.0,7.836956521739133,34.375,8.07648339933343,2.686673913043478,493,23,86,6,8,154,84,115,0.1,0.752,0.147,0.5707,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,1,1,0,5,2,5,0,3,4,0,7,1,1,1,1,16,16,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,1,13,2,18,11,1,16,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,3,5,52,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603969756062567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097204687057298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359113600218805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981499600963141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6320982209751116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537659323417454,0.0,0.0,0.09786214732512642,0.0,0.1064530282213388,0.15710738852921816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029411016094166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657641387618662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888856392132384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245828253930745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996237571206082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494540609123206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177636645156665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867857209652968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363896209217225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.409093418304101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tayntslap,2018/02/28,"I'm BPD and Instead of Hanging Out with ppl IRL, I Stream to like 4 friends on Twitch. It helps. Streaming helps me cope. I don't really like hanging out with people because I tend to make a lot of mistakes Idk if this breaks the rules but heres a link to see what BPD looks like in atypical male form. Probably slightly NSFW for language. https://www.twitch.tv/videos/233747410 edit: feel free to message me or follow and we can hang out online and talk about BPD experiences. Would be really cool to hear from you guys in a more personal setting since reddit can be a little impersonal.",5.064362895005097,7.271526302752293,4.614067278287461,83.55323139653416,70.37614678899081,7.413251783893987,27.70744138634047,8.167268648758528,1.895482364933741,473,17,84,7,9,143,82,109,0.048,0.774,0.17800000000000002,0.9297,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,1,6,1,0,1,0,18,14,6,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,1,1,1,0,3,3,9,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,7,18,11,3,13,0,0,2,0,11,7,0,3,3,50,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768018255313312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.667428569643301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279114916909805,0.0,0.0,0.08931621510740617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647425957445752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490474670103714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990899599423751,0.0,0.2368007070763873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588971410341675,0.17704310165989048,0.0,0.0,0.1483359747414682,0.0,0.0,0.1501759094640793,0.0,0.0,0.1179108471349292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246229828886332,0.15423821124418274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904514713245493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22632458197705385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407619268365876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461212532688546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197928098331658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254824095734829,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Julialikes,2018/02/28,"Got diagnosed (with Borderline and PTSD) a few weeks ago, going to start DBT that will last for around two years. I am hopeful and worried. Please someone tell me that it is going to be okay? I have lived in denial long enough. I want to have this problem under control. I know that being borderline is not my fault. Just like people who were born with disability. It was not my fault, I never wanted this...still, I know I have to beat this. According to my therapist, my borderline was caused by my past a child. I was born in a third world country during one of the uprising that turned into a civil war. My mother was raped by rebelling soldier and she could not abort, so she was forced to raise me. She raised me with hatred and regularly tried to kill me. There were several more civil wars and riots during the time I grew up. I know how dead, burnt body smelled, looked, felt like since I was younger. Melting human fat is really a thing. I used to take comfort in the smell of burning hair. This all have to go away, my burden, the crazy upbringing, the horrific past. My borderline and PTSD make it very hard for me to live a normal life. I am going to do this. I am scared out of my mind. More scared than I ever was (and we Borderliners know how often we feel scared and alone). But I know I got this. **Edit:** Woah, woah...you guys sure know how to make this lady feels much better about her situation :) Thank you very much, I will read this thread when the therapy gets hard (my therapist told me that it can be very mentally consuming). I am still scared, so scared. But hopeful...and it feels nice.",1.86264705882353,4.308899742038219,2.85571375046834,91.03760959160736,81.83439490445859,6.241888347695768,19.74484825777445,7.5105763829236425,0.5883131509928807,1245,33,257,20,34,395,170,314,0.19,0.713,0.097,-0.989,0,1,0,0,0,1,61.0,2,1,0,3,13,23,5,5,12,1,28,6,3,8,4,52,57,16,4,6,6,1,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,19,16,1,1,10,1,0,5,4,14,0,3,13,10,42,9,33,38,7,30,0,0,1,1,14,10,0,2,17,169,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015413091746416,0.0,0.0,0.09365048726053164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049523630431199,0.0,0.0,0.08495495814828903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997139350018256,0.0,0.1004390638920362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288886239933483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014165737100198,0.07219504493666283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177698043559393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343066110662933,0.0,0.0,0.08179236931146143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137161067893254,0.0,0.08681982395425603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04724204803913394,0.0,0.20555686588138214,0.0,0.14463833999533532,0.0,0.0,0.08953253638683006,0.0,0.0,0.16200168017434524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980999042821132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003914952573438,0.0,0.29816319794884355,0.07370644322547286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386811809137763,0.08835177675198158,0.0,0.1596895288195941,0.08002110745165618,0.07593216482979334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071550270221915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112465838610567,0.0,0.09130099451683782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294195038011794,0.0,0.06973944156356418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859489619387569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127265707328065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263710265773885,0.06268760788009806,0.0,0.0,0.09925680172174604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652216433711264,0.211398234019618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044701525578673,0.0,0.057926998132677085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526437125851019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021517388084261,0.0,0.07479846414657287,0.10163872984512813,0.0,0.0,0.07661472948069575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640015431997437,0.0,0.07221156174429283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522217915012423,0.0,0.06798650108968449,0.0,0.07903329041631747,0.08324893136466831,0.10340606133177188,0.20997508958882766,0.060072721434360724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272611351614887,0.0,0.0,0.08640261732325945,0.0,0.06139097299150799,0.09835376415865424,0.08832968817149822,0.0,0.0,0.07809604718881101,0.0,0.22382420988131307,0.10666712036079884,0.0,0.07253151190112699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182848430285744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058229154766601815 bpd,zvta,2018/02/28,"Always in a hurry to get done, but I have nothing to do I'm always so stressed, i always have the feeling like something big is about to happend, not necessarily right now, but maybe a few months down. This makes me unable to relax, at all I.e; I'm in bed right now, got no plans for tonight and totally content with doing nothing and I'm off from work for a few more days, so I'm not in a hurry to get anything done, no deadlines or anything. But my mind is always telling me to hurry up, that I need to get whatever finished. But there's nothing! I have such a hard time putting my thoughts in to words, so I really hope this makes any sense at all Anybody else know how this feels?",2.7835589941972927,4.117639283687943,3.8871050934880738,90.02454545454546,74.60283687943262,6.2620245003223705,27.002578981302385,6.574015621080383,0.9898312056737582,533,20,115,4,11,173,83,141,0.068,0.825,0.107,0.6724,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,6,0,9,0,0,3,3,24,25,11,0,2,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,3,9,3,22,21,6,20,0,0,0,0,1,12,0,2,8,75,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788967655577238,0.0,0.0,0.09784701598707743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23681087281137134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279418909068553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29448947022355393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019780094723688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550557781620072,0.1027917689587847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255225714724725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507831025952765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889306952962346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291068250971667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907566095000944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029514565344817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19208926310339072,0.0,0.14455223850643326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528325165168438,0.0,0.11484796520788605,0.0,0.0,0.10668921178002692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141858078354463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446445831177459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921766810062986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457547158288397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077002178476483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648202563165015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576219438986447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422894705660624,0.08390074236452295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475029551505627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Likebigoatscannotlie,2018/02/28,"I (23f) really don't want my boyfriend (25m) going to a party with ex fwb (?? F), do I suck it up or ask him not to go. My boyfriend has an old school friend called David. David is gay, and his best female friend is called Kirstie. Kirstie and David visited the city my boyfriend and I live in and during that trip they hooked up. After this they hooked up whenever they were in each other's cities. The last time was two months before my boyfriend and I started dating. His friends took a trip to see David. I wasn't invited, but I asked my boyfriend to say to David not to invite Kirstie out. He said he did and that David basically asked what my problem was. David is now having a party in April and my boyfriend is invited. I have not been invited, again. I really don't want my boyfriend to go to this party with his ex-Fwb and I'm spending hours a day worrying about it. I feel like if he goes he'll fall back in love with her and that even if he doesn't he'll be comparing us in his head. I really, really don't want him to go but I don't want to tell him what he can and cannot do. I've told him how anxious I am about it but he hasn't committed to going or not going. I'm scared if I go that I'll end up either getting blacked out drunk and trying to fight the girl or just locking myself in a toilet and crying. I'm not good at holding emotions in. But the idea of him going without me is a million times worse and I know it means I'll spend a whole weekend crying and assuming he's leaving me for her. He knows how stressed this is making me but won't commit to not going. I don't want to limit what he can and can't do but I'm so so scared that I can't handle this situation. There's part of me that thinks I should tell him how I feel and then if he goes break up with him when he gets back because he can't respect my boundaries but I don't know if that's a healthy reaction. I am so, so angry at him that he can't see how much his behaviour hurts me. Even getting him to delete the girls he's slept with on social media was such a battle when it upset me so much and caused so many fights. I feel like he'd rather have me completely fall apart than alter his behaviour in any way. How hard is it to just say he won't go. Tldr- boyfriend is going to party with ex-Fwb What do I do 1. Tell him he's not allowed to go 2. Insist I come too and hope I don't start drama 3. Tell him how I feel then if he still goes dump him when he's home for not respecting boundaries 4. Try and find a way to let him do what he wants even if it hurts me so much 5. Break up with him anyway because he doesn't care about my feelings ",1.4485781006746237,2.714550153310107,3.028727852324121,95.10036659500335,77.95470383275261,6.2788346059752405,21.097783379049595,6.855684769269737,0.1679326562384169,2044,51,496,20,47,674,221,574,0.154,0.763,0.083,-0.9907,1,0,0,0,2,0,47.0,1,0,3,2,34,24,5,4,16,0,50,5,2,9,2,95,104,54,0,17,30,1,6,2,3,5,0,3,1,2,25,30,1,2,13,3,2,19,27,12,0,2,11,12,71,12,55,85,8,67,0,2,3,2,73,20,1,12,26,303,96,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900704539661262,0.0,0.0,0.08141355912851816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211468402225224,0.0,0.0,0.11082791958813026,0.0,0.08786098107680886,0.0,0.06132247537615557,0.0,0.07562834888636383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717396841436733,0.0,0.0734756313874239,0.0740311714665129,0.0,0.062078090412352585,0.07555935832277974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832124600347508,0.04647631807095348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106404426277315,0.06382868732459965,0.0,0.0,0.14279584880253834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821925376457228,0.10296728698249888,0.0,0.0,0.06586660734236914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703299604864047,0.0,0.11295382681442148,0.0,0.4914781554357557,0.06044516441492737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455657789892376,0.0,0.07396004545858467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722876227571121,0.07157735199956983,0.07097005048733916,0.0,0.1542953240554098,0.08135323437269328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188160252057987,0.05874304190693646,0.0,0.07630701226076636,0.0,0.07369190771140605,0.0,0.07041517535200059,0.0,0.06363520116451918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504197271905886,0.0,0.04810431438375698,0.07306315680857535,0.0,0.07850051095198209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575220346565785,0.0,0.15892941418594075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562067224710517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803996817394591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895699891508697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846681473119774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855084112374517,0.114618836101399,0.1443003754554179,0.07293418423957454,0.1148538263670015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100469789860561,0.0,0.07346175304153275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201673475927052,0.0,0.05755164151299486,0.0,0.08255084431650819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25195386931189323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617669471478353,0.0,0.0,0.08404400376217316,0.0,0.0,0.06886172155618436,0.0800674779527616,0.09785555621279599,0.0,0.07039757105104379,0.0,0.08668598374225428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255036772115513,0.11440455881144032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804586132344409,0.0,0.0694686187667634,0.0,0.0,0.07318606441436526,0.07344095242735267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,monkeezee,2018/02/28,"BPD is a loss of perspective Every emotion you feel is real and there are very valid reasons to feel the way you do because of what you endured in childhood. To expect to feel any different is ridiculous. To resolve emotions, they have to be felt and moved through the body. Your body knows how to deal with these feelings if you let it speak. Our minds try to make us pretend like they don't exist or are completely our fault which was a great way to survive as kids. Until a powerful emotion is resolved, the memory will continue to send off alarms in your brain. This is how it should be. We're literally hurting ourself for being humans with powerful memories rather than taking the next step to resolve those memories because nobody taught us to value these vital aspects of being human. We're stuck in a limbo of very real awareness that somethings fucked but not sure where to go next because of how deep the rabbit hole seems. ",7.467784090909093,7.607692028409097,6.9626363636363635,76.49145454545456,63.375,9.312727272727274,35.21363636363637,8.841846274778883,3.054879090909091,751,31,129,10,10,234,116,176,0.09,0.821,0.08900000000000001,-0.0727,3,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,4,6,2,7,6,13,2,1,9,0,18,4,3,5,1,30,31,10,0,4,5,0,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,3,9,4,0,0,11,1,0,4,2,6,0,0,4,6,12,7,28,20,0,17,0,2,0,1,18,6,1,3,6,88,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448484704189893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271996246810601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759967269194537,0.1564710907274477,0.13868863864582354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302592469882977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808202274015454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980034181225522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41924686489739904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467432058672857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512701355587251,0.0,0.11928619361115825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485432528957745,0.0,0.0,0.07060627108201893,0.0,0.0,0.13697080175364146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299737564879352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827694286539022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703988785363926,0.0,0.060695510930082124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829285995488322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254431028858695,0.0,0.0,0.13204337366704572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642531249290215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28281589098676096,0.0,0.12773546096305702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309993140601975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564306333623528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709110775694205,0.0,0.09341012873053366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434819556995221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298881600303417,0.0,0.0,0.20501568127907574,0.0,0.1972257575182965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,poetmaverick,2018/02/28,"Bullet Journaling for BPD Has anyone tried this? At first I was overwhelmed at all the possibilities, but I started using Pinterest to get a feel of how to start/what to include each month. It has been SO helpful, a creative outlet and meditation and self-care all at once. I do elaborate spreads (they don't have to be) and it consumes hours of my time where I get to focus on drawing and expression and not my own thoughts. I keep track of my meds, my sleep patterns, my moods, my triggers, DBT Diary Card, therapy appointments, spending, impulses, victories, and goals. It's so cool to look back through after some time and see that something so ""impossible"" to overcome six months ago now doesn't affect me at all. It's been a great DBT tool. ",6.0450354609929065,6.830875914893618,6.169645390070922,78.73333333333333,66.44680851063829,9.387234042553194,34.106382978723396,9.444778638647367,3.0946085106382983,588,26,110,11,9,187,98,141,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.9729,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,2,7,4,0,1,4,1,10,1,1,4,3,21,19,12,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,4,4,13,2,18,14,6,17,0,1,2,0,3,6,0,1,11,75,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749699569287509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801623188001272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177693663130173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485995885830854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998038232377414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789564153805164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625110686172368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176177388778022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230305316455476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943845358744929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544492142469376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657537479067221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925031788130345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151017628561567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102086598897261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225220111990086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729034697348876,0.0,0.2059156783389286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752762129022786,0.0,0.0,0.1519566719045259,0.0,0.0,0.2794203400087724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22572703228511665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567016991619618,0.2301936458007538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401150729460234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047732732580492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Death0945,2018/02/28,"How can I forget about someone? So yeah my closest friend and one of the only friends I had left me for someone else. It feels so fucking bad and it makes me so sad to the point where I don’t even want to tell her because I feel like I am a burden to her and telling her how I feel would make it even worse. Every day has been the same since she left, loneliness and sadness everywhere, I even cry most nights because I remember the days when we used to talk all day and night because we were so close to each other. How do you guys deal with things like this? I have a very hard time forgetting about close people. Anything would be really appreciated honestly.",4.444753550543023,5.274359172932336,4.7237092731829575,87.51675856307438,70.05263157894737,8.01637426900585,27.559732664995824,8.167268648758528,1.5429873015873017,522,17,111,7,9,164,89,133,0.17600000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.7051,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,1,0,0,14,10,1,0,6,1,12,1,0,6,1,29,20,13,0,3,0,0,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,4,19,5,10,14,4,14,0,2,0,1,14,7,1,1,9,75,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427184364890125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159442228393273,0.25394751336188576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525337195274812,0.2686640932000707,0.14316093711370556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160016358516192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27515172474649313,0.0,0.11699747947717665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063885843831287,0.0992032571089632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145693418857081,0.12837596165526044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749551200844898,0.0,0.0,0.12439334827711362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017485973336815,0.0,0.0,0.13568221421633725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538333125833814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260625729412329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940966903920761,0.1056110389127306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626963660248576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312697607299146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895874716374601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730391986901526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486833212056148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23531515765003205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161225925309208,0.2427435470956338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922539439257228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809717256617884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993244497919825,0.0,0.11457594292706222,0.08190458418997859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151255023774914,0.19728759199258053,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aktunstalk,2018/02/28,"Struggling With Accountability and Grace I've been having this issue lately. I'm my harshest critic. I never give myself a pass, I always own up to my part to play in a confrontation, I always apologize first. I was taught humility at a young age by my sister's complete lack of it. Recognizing the problem had never been an issue for me. It's the follow through I suck at. I've gotten better, however. Taking steps to ensure that I don't repeat bad behavior. I.e. taking my medication every day, getting sober. But naturally I'm still not perfect. I still fuck up. Not in those specific ways but in others. And I still have the fuck ups from the past to grapple with. All my dearest friends, they know that I have this illness and see me for the amazing person I am, so they are constantly being understanding of my behavior, while I try to dismiss their understanding and get them to see how I messed up instead and how me having this illness does not excuse my behavior. Which is true, it doesn't. But there's something to be said for giving yourself grace. For not berating yourself and saying that yes, I am sick and there are parts of this I cannot control, but I still need to take the necessary steps to mitigate the problem. But I also don't want to excuse my behavior. But I also want people to be understanding. But I also want people to know what they're getting into with me and decide sooner rather than later if it's too much so I don't get attached. But I want someone to take me as I am and be there for the healing process. I'm constantly angry at myself and my past for the slow but sure conditioning that has made me this way. How much is my fault? How much isn't? Is it worth it to be aware of my family life's roll in all this developing, or does it serve no purpose? I just want to be normal.",3.69213101815312,5.202683552486189,5.196341752170484,80.83459944751381,72.59116022099448,7.823362273086031,26.46448303078137,8.418075326091056,1.83198863456985,1434,49,276,24,28,483,172,362,0.149,0.728,0.123,-0.4057,1,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,4,4,20,19,4,1,13,1,29,8,0,6,7,60,63,32,0,12,17,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,21,14,0,1,6,1,2,4,13,10,0,1,8,4,45,9,45,49,9,37,0,0,2,2,14,12,3,2,19,212,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22310507010773314,0.15475918033728545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776472421301658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224683973738983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750386684085643,0.20098989636256334,0.10430220507066867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059974314618780174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276173443049965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835260261455686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766775010431911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910180667602297,0.0,0.0,0.07184798532910916,0.17194542572685756,0.194344951807391,0.17841924846254967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412599214637974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221563688366556,0.0,0.10490281795481383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656853737702874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799445924114092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368304273685196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050868718562088,0.06895488194278837,0.14344751098129685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111570912906183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140982755813228,0.17754918969851327,0.12894254840821276,0.08119996234611651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796800261959586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845988416425266,0.07395364373624827,0.0,0.0,0.1482105253516263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879466770962137,0.07159237234517163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29706486212252503,0.0,0.0,0.0972189429175297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764702731627892,0.0,0.2796837526366922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313774583587141,0.0,0.0,0.2904343518020313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742553671252291,0.1476307781848197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,falalabeline,2018/02/28,"Recently diagnosed. I feel so alone and finding it hard to cope. TW:abuse I apologise in advance for my poor grammar. Also this would be my first time posting, I’m normally a lurker. Hi. I’ve been previously diagnosed with ptsd and now bpd. I’m finding it so hard to wrap my head around all this. I mean, the rational side of me is not surprised at all. I’ve been through a lot and have been abused as a child so it does make sense. I have many unprocessed trauma. I’m in denial about all the horrible things people have done to me and I always downplay it. I always undermine my feelings. I had very unhealthy coping mechanisms store and this year I’m trying really hard to get my life back on track. I’m frustrated with myself. If only I grew up in a loving, stable home. I had to be a big girl when I was small, I had to help my mum who had no one else in this country. I’ve witnessed domestic abuse. I never used to go to anyone with my problems because I felt like my problems were minor. I felt like I didn’t matter and I was a burden on everyone. I do have a lot of problems with how I see myself, mainly because of the abuse I’ve dealt with in the past and the interactions with the opposite sex. They were mainly of guys who took advantage of my naive self. I’ve been gas lighted before. I was emotionally abused and was made to feel like a worthless POS if things didn’t go their way. I was made to feel like I liked being abused just because I wasn’t able to do anything straight away, when there was so many things at risk. I was young, I had no money, not even a great qualification back then. Guys made me do sexually explicit things I didn’t want to do and if I didn’t do it, I didn’t care about them or I wasn’t grateful for them to be in my life. I had toxic friendships. They never really cared about me, it was always me trying to show them that I cared and that I loved them hoping to one day receive the same.... I was so sick and tired of seeing the evil and bad in people that I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I used to focus on the little “good” that they did have, even if it meant putting myself in dangerous situations. When I look back it it all now... it was me surviving and using what I had back then to meet my needs even if it was in a really messed up way. My mind is all over the place. Right now, I have the most loving boyfriend ever. He genuinely cares about me and loves me without any hidden intentions. He wants to love me. I have bad coping mechanisms where I just want to disappear and I’m trying so hard to not to. :( I deserve to be loved and be cared for. I deserve to be happy but it’s so hard. As you all know bpd is such a mind fuck. This year is supposed to be my year. I still live in a dysfunctional environment and there’s not much that can be done atm and I’m having to deal with other people’s problem as well as mine. I am taking medication, I am going to therapy and I have doctors in place to help support me. But this little piece of me just wants to do bad things. I want to over dose, I want to be numb and ruin every bad thing I have because I feel like I don’t deserve it. I feel like everything those bad people have said about me is right. I feel guilty whenever I put myself first, I do have a hard time loving myself and I’m aware of it. I feel guilty whenever I do something for myself because I’m not used to it. I have a hard time expressing when I’m upset because I always kept it to myself and then in the end would take it out on myself. I really don’t know what to do with myself and I’m losing hope. :( ",2.0059009523809515,3.5398713920000016,3.7792571428571433,89.17086666666668,77.08,6.8952380952380965,22.03809523809524,7.681125190322801,0.7847295238095242,2784,76,614,40,63,936,275,750,0.16,0.731,0.11,-0.9876,0,1,1,0,6,0,75.0,0,1,8,6,40,50,4,2,26,0,79,20,1,10,10,113,147,51,0,22,18,1,17,7,0,2,10,1,1,5,41,34,0,1,16,1,4,10,20,22,1,4,43,22,103,28,90,91,14,80,0,3,3,9,36,36,1,11,38,434,144,1,0.04629821223441125,0.3291348645485233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047950985064602165,0.0,0.037024663596775316,0.15409528580593396,0.0,0.0,0.03148437195274623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459153858357934,0.032372786481353485,0.0,0.03809948380557861,0.04121522467963051,0.0,0.0,0.043498694438179726,0.14240186956069498,0.19328536669058208,0.16933776272176485,0.0,0.03939636858702473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662195512697555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602056493538665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02985851673566068,0.09546284773200173,0.0,0.09398342169643224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738818204514985,0.040515877524479806,0.0947582910235104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03867621546501485,0.052079257194710335,0.041006474002249035,0.0,0.0,0.09173859759596904,0.04187938358869834,0.03900824063301151,0.04423992585627717,0.041609847830330414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872781376907622,0.13230180828433447,0.0889070885485169,0.0,0.08463145443883363,0.07876247135027506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04280195117126042,0.024188905004239373,0.0,0.07893702286660664,0.038832743818422805,0.0,0.0510439424354858,0.0,0.09168501821325102,0.0,0.049285307835289074,0.2903187298646347,0.0,0.04751532278705895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206543147259407,0.0,0.04644088179660049,0.09196914262057793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05088857328236057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540359300393266,0.15833277519291455,0.0928059432712998,0.0408821696255542,0.0,0.038878837774192924,0.051795856866263416,0.0,0.07872216880391845,0.29250160901112743,0.1314254635804185,0.03090441617797939,0.09387824082787943,0.0,0.050432325909279714,0.0,0.046640578007205634,0.0,0.0,0.0934959924400795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03403451313286808,0.034329537729298865,0.07141607093885348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045362417948495735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274573363437494,0.035211876681615094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04419688232965651,0.1283894034990696,0.0,0.09674355542559997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434088931263886,0.0,0.0,0.17720454559276747,0.05412013251974846,0.09308498189521648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186392811633714,0.0,0.04571389912353964,0.0,0.0,0.07907684055810672,0.044040202018846585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378736180216149,0.0,0.04829913262538919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204113037052879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035642625704047366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03697381209623965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052538662584972494,0.0,0.0,0.06962098743334423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052946040619254967,0.0,0.1845508498172881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099057962273608,0.05321298422130062,0.0,0.0,0.05143901732458448,0.09430034103809157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599471610622727,0.0,0.038200873834422285,0.16384731072703282,0.07349873173456375,0.0,0.0,0.04162765299049922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04462982443841604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577784322144517,0.0,0.0,0.08944359219734019 bpd,MrsR35,2018/02/28,"You don't know true loneliness... ...until you realize you can't talk to anyone, because they won't understand. F$&@, I just want to be normal... 4:30AM sitting in bed, wide awake, panicking and not able to go to anyone- Not my husband, my family, or friends, though I love them dearly and I'm lucky to even have them apart of my life, they just won't understand. It'll turn into a disagreement; an argument. It'll be a miscommunicated mess. They'll brush it off like it's nothing and you need to get over it. Not only that, but they're normal- they don't have issues so I shouldn't even try to put it on them anyways. So I sit here in silence, feeling like I'm about to shatter. You know that feeling? The pressure inside you, all the thoughts screaming through your mind and you're just about to burst? Then you'll begin to question your own existence, because you just can't do this anymore. Why am I here? Where do I belong? What's the point? I think we all know this feeling, and it's apart of the curse of having BPD... So here I am, and on here I see a small light through the tunnel; You are not alone. You can survive too. There are others who understand....",2.030496361261431,4.2427881459227486,3.0475648441873484,91.25647135659638,79.5579399141631,5.940585930210861,24.29352491136406,7.079830092131019,0.9027571935062516,910,33,190,11,23,290,126,233,0.087,0.812,0.101,-0.4245,0,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,12,7,1,20,10,0,1,9,0,23,2,0,0,3,41,44,14,0,5,10,1,3,2,1,7,1,1,1,0,14,8,0,0,13,0,0,2,11,3,0,0,1,7,32,7,25,34,3,20,0,0,1,1,26,13,0,3,5,133,46,0,0.1445079217551157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966662562935928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657427284689587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331302794415893,0.20208659773542925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618137565576292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200266871094986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089223886516976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622920775503802,0.0,0.21920264164983527,0.10323648817590272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164646188060348,0.0,0.07549942477252977,0.0,0.08212718211979593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150828725975592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23825332376390665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207021874260412,0.1411985423849517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304240413499443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591180639482534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071507929281904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831741627661333,0.13865924832423565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990478627111344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136606695146736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527037471970067,0.16188194455726498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515410413512656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614999364397435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925948412865394,0.14197829941760734,0.11472314818206406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811139312261144,0.15718312237522508,0.0,0.4513135286779698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852345163223172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039592261460425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SeeDoge,2018/02/28,Has anyone had a problem after telling their employer? For those diagnosed with BPD did anything change once you told your employer?,7.405909090909091,10.64143231818182,5.863636363636362,72.61545454545455,66.72727272727272,9.854545454545457,38.27272727272727,10.125756701596842,4.910563636363637,109,6,15,3,2,32,21,22,0.133,0.867,0.0,-0.4696,2,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23804069350833945,0.0,0.2801497347969565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.428767092581198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601360370170265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34553526758951525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36255311784711536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32575117491066924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29755597779387105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32530108699946064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alyssasmegma,2018/02/28,guttural scream I've been sick for months and months and I'm fucking tired of not knowing what's wrong with me and fucking tired of knowing that even if I did know what's wrong and even if there was a way to fix it I'd just be re-entering an unjust world where good people constantly suffer for no real reason at all,4.871119402985073,4.8113286119403025,5.208171641791047,87.55613805970152,68.8507462686567,7.894029850746268,27.19776119402985,7.1686216300943375,1.173958208955224,255,7,55,2,4,81,50,67,0.273,0.625,0.102,-0.9243,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,1,15,10,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,1,2,1,7,6,1,7,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,2,3,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262537077355784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25991345060274235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637989825323384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503117619047966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243989586228706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314100528243425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640714115463518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22395354534004885,0.0,0.202299872531994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522884818909173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617724829566568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302477124903606,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dyre19,2018/02/28,"Empathy Have you ever feel your empathy is a problem, I keep trying to figure out the positives on BPD and I do believe that understanding the other people emotions is great, makes you a great friend and partner. Still lately, seams like every time I understand how someone feels, they feel offender and act all angry because they feel like I'm ""entering their heads"" or ""invading their privacy"" ,which in my case triggers my abandonment issues. So its quite bad. Everyone knows the bad side, so what do you think is the best part of BPD?",7.306870748299318,8.067079142857146,7.275918367346942,71.98931972789119,63.6938775510204,11.02312925170068,34.70068027210884,10.864195022040775,4.0410353741496605,428,18,71,11,6,137,73,98,0.163,0.642,0.195,0.6107,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,4,2,5,11,1,0,6,0,6,1,1,3,2,22,17,7,0,1,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,2,9,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,4,13,6,5,17,3,10,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,6,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572079360562743,0.09389186481064682,0.0,0.0,0.17353279181152875,0.16163913997917334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879767632005427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325675610816954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932391779820855,0.12977222790053378,0.14717694639283438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115175251537212,0.110035085777476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899889493385013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33962496247902163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580735044038719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076149134551446,0.0,0.13690399312864668,0.0,0.0,0.0846478003412285,0.0,0.17374626936146098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049711586963213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281250510918168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667934514687402,0.0,0.10678114842223124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738058101634896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638239438370718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050440233187713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230041112298762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869263749223857,0.0,0.0,0.08981288556845309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045724796411094,0.0,0.0,0.32068973362725844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BlackSabbathMatters,2018/02/28,"I was just diagnosed. Have any other men here been diagnosed? I have known for a long time that I am borderline, but this really feels like a nail in the coffin. I now have to live with this label and all the stigma that comes with it. It hurts even more because I am a man. The psychiatrist said there is a good prognosis but I feel like killing myself. I feel like I am damaged beyond repair and that anyone I would want to know/love will reject me because of my illness. Anyone else have a similar experience with diagnosis? I'm also worried that now that it is on my record I will be treated differently by doctors if I need medical help. ",3.722913385826772,5.342594874015749,5.251188976377954,80.03426377952758,72.70078740157481,8.54456692913386,26.87322834645669,9.120678840339163,2.239384881889764,507,18,98,11,10,171,83,127,0.173,0.687,0.141,-0.7585,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,0,8,0,15,5,0,0,1,18,23,6,2,4,4,0,3,3,0,3,5,1,0,2,11,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,4,15,5,11,16,2,8,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,74,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367044331376379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624827351218885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390570498204153,0.17515306991755675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084126328491556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725374229290625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470105907583545,0.0,0.17860085169454662,0.0,0.17496916743004845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280238083012567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290737725335324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167216740710824,0.0,0.0,0.2593043646281564,0.3663688325753544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338032314597338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458064439568405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829998614207915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891250083143128,0.0,0.0939467491117751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505448705634649,0.0,0.15094732216783469,0.15128070044439829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722088240186508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675334599312044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095115667756404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260757741976722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099679242620489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100827626587881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360266395308668,0.0,0.12143422650013296,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WorriedabouttheBoy,2018/02/28,"Anyone w/BPD ever cheated on their SO (who is their FP) and then began to develop FP-type feelings for that other person? Hi—I’m new to the sub! I’m just wondering about this. My friend (who *most likely* has BPD, but is not presently diagnosed) is in a situation like this and I just want some advice to give her, cos this might get messy—it’s really complicated :/ thanks in advance!!! ",1.034399999999998,3.616833306666667,3.068333333333332,86.4225,89.26666666666668,6.2,19.5,7.554174236665415,0.9545999999999996,298,9,58,6,10,100,61,75,0.071,0.7759999999999999,0.153,0.7612,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,5,5,1,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,14,13,5,0,1,4,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,4,8,11,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,4,7,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22126840977067286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832772132073414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5703706853241801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298254586100064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482226260426414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144916920066799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749421297717174,0.0,0.1183022725822767,0.2172158563342604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124815519816307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24021039306226946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21869109701482906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977131896620853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505923869533047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545209875976232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084697463227672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355647428786913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455577094719554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EmeraldButterfly,2018/02/28,"DAE feel like they need chaos in their life? I feel as if if things are going well it makes me panic. I feel as if something NEEDS to be going wrong at all times. I feel out of place if everything’s going right, like if it’s right for too long my anxiety and mood is awful. My counsellor says it’s because of my upbringing and such, and we’re working on it. It just seems so awful. I pick fights with my family, friends, and especially my boyfriend. He sees this and states to me that I’m just trying to pick a fight, which I am and I just get more angry. Then I feel awful afterward. How do you’s deal with this? How do you not let it control your life and relationships? Yes I am diagnosed with BPD after 5 miserable years of misdiagnosis ",1.939953007518796,3.8716421118421054,3.549548872180452,88.9518421052632,78.53947368421052,7.237593984962406,21.383458646616546,8.192908349453996,0.9737353383458652,579,16,127,11,14,192,95,152,0.202,0.72,0.077,-0.9674,0,0,1,0,2,0,16.0,0,3,2,2,9,10,2,2,1,4,8,3,0,6,1,35,23,18,0,7,9,0,5,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,11,11,0,1,6,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,0,7,20,4,17,21,2,17,0,1,1,0,12,7,0,6,8,82,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232381694540165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747415717620513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013896948004631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934255293032356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485089577343198,0.0,0.16229613533009346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437086961219302,0.0,0.15074041917631176,0.0,0.4042537161128606,0.11423329665036842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353910545891647,0.0,0.08354166573622074,0.0,0.2726262465117251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350959224087205,0.2258855910891689,0.156239090111017,0.0,0.0,0.14150734119381791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673515008890716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23712911066932746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876093549753003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706249762199932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167381814473054,0.0,0.2731091374423093,0.0,0.12715968235927694,0.0,0.0,0.12742038372868453,0.14556785257850913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309959140386427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623111025536457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932395510729617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856227360484977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377019013081327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640982252755128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482662697624698,0.0,0.10297099269668522 bpd,digi_tize,2018/02/28,"DAE just watch themselves spiral? I can see myself breaking down and lashing out, but I can’t stop myself. It’s like I’m floating above my body screaming at myself to just *stop*, but I can’t seem to ever pull myself back. I hate feeling out of control, and I hate watching myself do this. ",1.146822660098522,3.640837672413795,2.493152709359609,91.94568965517244,86.06896551724138,3.3142857142857145,22.07881773399015,3.1291,-0.12497339901477833,227,8,43,0,7,73,40,58,0.253,0.669,0.078,-0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,1,14,10,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,5,11,1,7,10,0,10,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,1,5,32,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170182463114903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31349505758850793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165461065012249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25529413092857617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270449236204774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5572894369786565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378838286002067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249015958520311,0.25693253615818384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719155686736625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ImSkynight,2018/02/28,What hurts me the most with BPD Is my self image. I hate that it’s so flip floppy I can never keep it stable. I love looking in the mirror and thinking wow your so good looking them next hour not going outside becauseim so upset with how freaking ugly I am. It’s not even just flip floppy like I see my image distorted in a sense where it’s uglier then I really am. Everything else I can deal with but just my self image I can’t control it. Idk how to do deal with it honestly. ,0.6485328532853281,2.8079489207920822,3.0621962196219634,89.46198919891991,84.54455445544555,5.652925292529253,19.082808280828086,6.980632752743323,0.3769326732673264,375,10,78,5,11,129,66,101,0.16899999999999998,0.708,0.123,-0.1976,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,1,9,9,1,1,3,0,7,1,0,3,1,17,15,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,3,14,5,7,15,1,8,0,1,3,1,7,3,0,1,5,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501298003001908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22274683416266375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094958451570313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590485110798195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311734545553083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848891174890713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286898048438372,0.16657629253145356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607642496592945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558103622316436,0.0,0.2126054522712332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652484225642506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702594873901743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335480327962014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924429157143829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317259552637846,0.0,0.21121339750334744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722827221016195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582585204660445,0.0,0.41436631327634427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272548876555926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thewallflower1221,2018/02/28,"Hollow Long story short: Been off my meds for a full year and have been doing okay or so I thought. Been in a good relationship or so I thought, I thought I was good, until a month ago. My SO and I have been going through an extreme rough patch lately, prompting in several breakups. Two have been him and one has been me. I'm realizing that all I do is make him and basically everyone around me unhappy. I feel like just leaving everything. My mom is always miserable and it's my fault, my SO has basically described a year where all I do is take him for granted, which I do, I love him immensely but my BPD sometimes acts up, alongside with me. I compartmentalized alot of anger towards my circumstances and life shifting. I was bored, sexually, and circumstance wise. I work really hard at my job and no one notices, I just feel so small and insignificant and have no idea how to get out of my mindset now. I've never felt this bad or empty. It's like people are talking to me and I feel so hollow I can almost feel the words bouncing inside of me, if that makes sense. I feel bad for basically being a problem to everyone's happiness. Everywhere I look I thought I was doing fine and now I realize I wasn't. Is there any way to cope or to bring myself back from the splitting? I've tried to use my DBT skills but everytime I do I just think of all these people I've dragged unnecessarily through my fits of anger and sadness and now I just feel hollow. (Sorry I know this doesn't make much sense, my mindset is kinda foggy right now as well)",2.4756695029108826,4.627337870129871,4.0299910434393205,85.08616883116886,77.76623376623377,7.235288849081953,25.880429914912682,8.216663640201805,1.7025650246305422,1216,47,247,23,29,404,161,308,0.163,0.757,0.08,-0.9823,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,2,20,19,2,1,9,1,31,2,0,5,4,58,55,30,0,2,11,1,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,17,0,0,16,0,0,3,5,9,1,3,15,10,48,10,28,39,6,31,0,2,1,1,8,14,0,8,15,175,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201215501756508,0.0,0.11523676324112225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575641580314498,0.0,0.0,0.07825886681062756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024462798119101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849000513858696,0.19217526448974864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494019552263745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992920617852413,0.10342717155837287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491297568857494,0.08221372184959372,0.11049558193000833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012495017727596,0.0,0.06540305105674707,0.19304857222105667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250561476632026,0.1030897616996715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991217654240453,0.0,0.0,0.11419990248056087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324537908306192,0.0,0.12981611602116572,0.12185391428729155,0.0,0.0,0.0812849479975859,0.11244529811421962,0.0,0.0,0.10184285606491407,0.09663885916762482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386488389428858,0.0,0.2304519137141373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782878734127845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478120165363805,0.09185636906763274,0.0,0.08459760398674089,0.0,0.08875738083850468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102021424351246,0.0,0.0,0.15596340999901542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15956502552138738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011675056275456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372368517472548,0.0,0.0,0.1235536743459911,0.0,0.09827834492506554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000850854922674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381781966236965,0.12882349514826888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652641365925706,0.09249756010691894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373910775875986,0.0,0.3654450925637549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813228565771085,0.0,0.11241718597987804,0.0,0.0,0.09939283204614292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134575506537232,0.0,0.0,0.10347142880639054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378016787113185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821647978964322 bpd,subcuta,2018/02/28,"Are there any ""secret"" BPD or DBT groups on Facebook? I'm looking for a BPD support group or a DBT group on Facebook that I can join *without* my name/photo showing up publicly on a list of members. I think this means it must be a ""secret"" group, since I can see the list of members for ""closed"" groups. Un/fortunately, secret groups aren't searchable, so can only be shared by word of mouth. Do you know of any? TIA, comrades.",2.21142857142857,4.340778000000004,2.974047619047621,92.44178571428571,78.52380952380952,4.6761904761904765,24.785714285714285,5.148860815047168,0.3556000000000004,328,12,67,1,8,103,55,84,0.0,0.855,0.145,0.8932,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,9,1,1,0,1,12,16,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,12,13,0,5,0,0,2,0,13,5,0,2,0,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521814095969722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6522614554328209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423087738407095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21744762625974745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820657762308452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19693847447390933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634473135536327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420103737336527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29384642443060355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659207702032328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496126412236686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ffsmimi,2018/02/28,"I just want to sit in the dark and be miserable I'm in a depressive slump and I can't muster up the strength to dig myself out of it. I know I should at least start by taking my meds, but I just don't see the point anymore. My state has the worst mental health care and I can't get a psychiatry or DBT therapy appointment anytime soon. So upset, just don't know what to do at this point. ",3.9596428571428532,3.647510916666669,5.15009523809524,88.06157142857145,70.78571428571429,9.100952380952384,26.323809523809523,8.841846274778883,1.4791980952380959,303,8,73,5,5,101,57,84,0.158,0.753,0.08900000000000001,-0.7808,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,2,6,0,8,1,0,0,0,13,17,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,1,9,2,11,15,2,12,0,2,1,0,0,8,0,1,2,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259932887488585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267228537160705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225746446562749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693649325794408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786001678315041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28808673939415835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911341435513719,0.0,0.26413527115472984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955386572894081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885985889341205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551581171099432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197066669090781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997343258416517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459343968355413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,englishmight,2018/02/28,"I am lost in the world and i dont know where to post this Let me preface this by saying it isnt strictly bpd related so feel free to ignore me and go about your business Ok. i have been diagnosed with bpd years ago, now i have a hypothesis that i also have had and still have undiagnosed adhd (went to my gp for a referral for assessment a week or two ago, he basically said this is the uk and youre an adult ergo youre shit out of luck.... Right so essentially i have no goals and no motivation. I have no direction in life all i get is feasible romanticized ideas/plans that im 100% on board with and they seem like a fantastic idea/path for me to go down....i lose all interest and i lose all ability to apply even an ounce of effort. Part of my mind is more than willing but i can never (well honestly? Almost never) bring myself to actually do anything remotely productive or useful including the most basic of chores. It has now reached the point where im a 3rd year psych student who so far this year turned in no work for assessment (essentially ignored i think 2 essays 1 grant proposal a presentation and currently a group project) and my 3rd year experiment/dissertation? Its due friday and i havent even completed the ethics form/even have a solid idea and plan as to what i want to achieve. This is in no way a lack of want. Of course i want to succeed rub it in everyone's face that even with everything in my life i can still achieve lime a normal person. I sit there and i feel almost a physical force/resistance when i try to begin work. Its often so overwhelming that i make lazy impulsive awful easily solvable issues as to why im now going to do something else and pick the work up later. Even if i manage to begin the work i soon lose interest and get easily distracted. Im literally days away from failing university completely. And no-one knows quite how bad it is. I have also been completely blanking the universities emails burying my head in the sand. I guess im waiting for impulsivity to get me out of my jam. If im completely honest im at the end of my rope/tether. Not sure how ill be able to cope when it fully sinks in how much ive fucked up this time. Ive started to consider ending it all (not just due to uni ofc) theres very little that suicide doesnt solve for a person and ive always found comfort in that. I have no actual plans for it at the time of writing btw. I am terrified of reaching out to the university at the 11th hour, there are far too many unknown variables. Again i know i should and if anyone else was in this situation i would tell them to contact the university ASAP. I have never taken my own advice and i feel the almost physical resistance when i sit down to have a go at typing it out. I just dont know what to do anymore im so very tired of fighting everyday to accomplish even the most basic and necessary of task (even self care inc eating) im tired of everything it is all just one long tiring grind but without any form of achievements to show for it.",3.3197715493726143,4.826454911620296,5.114145867430441,81.0687419871795,73.53355155482815,8.823254228041463,26.477120840152754,9.354420925462401,2.256622722313148,2385,84,483,57,48,815,297,611,0.14400000000000002,0.753,0.102,-0.9871,1,0,1,0,2,1,52.0,0,3,2,20,38,27,3,2,31,2,43,12,3,7,9,86,78,41,1,10,13,0,5,1,0,3,7,2,1,4,28,26,1,3,12,1,1,6,17,13,1,2,9,7,53,15,78,64,13,77,0,6,0,1,19,31,2,14,37,319,81,18,0.05738449482009113,0.0,0.11199797826302754,0.0,0.06896501127635414,0.05607546419500813,0.1017357845514399,0.0,0.17238684716765534,0.0,0.0,0.09178071955035984,0.047748496666350414,0.0,0.0,0.03902342427583722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056909999187792125,0.04012457303417017,0.05879719632904078,0.04722254976109822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391462186553244,0.0,0.04791365622282614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454752477286292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058507316945180535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066620413265344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03700825185814894,0.0,0.0,0.05824405430826605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450840110346032,0.0,0.0,0.058718664255790275,0.09587476400928012,0.0,0.10165125958031217,0.0,0.0,0.2653134233582699,0.0,0.0,0.05483334395909716,0.1031469675414234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704597437655669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291913665270217,0.0,0.05305104077974383,0.08994309025745267,0.0,0.13045172332983945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321549062948137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889304711256989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056512168171567685,0.0,0.0,0.12956021957433367,0.5578659147100448,0.05989450363236504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614807047573168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586795338720177,0.08106473150511807,0.028035165566301683,0.0575143392574378,0.0,0.05078347213103857,0.0,0.19259571395513544,0.0626419548403467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03830459589031581,0.058178870894961876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794198128766308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04218420643736606,0.0,0.13277538014143614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622462104179268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03888521881249258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214181581196127,0.0,0.0,0.10021185490751043,0.0,0.0,0.0542468959128888,0.0,0.054958483498163416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061035473838254126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049006045032805035,0.054585795490995286,0.04563445352590777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052240688873312006,0.05986454319064453,0.0,0.05890435929547466,0.0,0.06450257649386472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044177387665266125,0.0,0.0,0.040617040790034406,0.0,0.09165466337979722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276932345278444,0.0,0.05408420725033513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050156577796753136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367696671963693,0.0,0.0,0.06692272080695638,0.1978651055864671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03896030516567242,0.0624178519917545,0.05605631314601068,0.0,0.0,0.049561778913810486,0.0,0.09469643603409156,0.10154058547765044,0.045549140959815874,0.046030380365308717,0.0,0.051595552444039836,0.05319600160887667,0.05178058098793372,0.0,0.0,0.05531660523609478,0.0,0.1671063827002443,0.0,0.0,0.04076429867860303,0.0,0.0,0.14781493295828926 bpd,CiriZireael,2018/03/01,DWAJIEQWJ FUCK.,10.185,7.6245875,2.890000000000004,77.90500000000002,174.0,0.8,52.0,3.1291,4.3094,13,1,1,0,1,3,2,2,0.778,0.222,0.0,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AlarmingPreparation,2018/03/01,"I just want to stop fucking up All I want is to stop making mistakes. I get that daily life is mistakes and learning from them but for the past 8 years I have been trying to find a job. Every time they invite me for a trial week or something, they later decide ""Nah we'll take somebody else"" ""We are sorry but we have decided for someone else"" is what every single email in my inbox says. It's not even hard or high level jobs, it's sometimes things a monkey can do... I just want to be better, I just want to stop having all those nightmares I just want peace of mind but I just can't make it work. I just want it all to stop!",2.4756818181818185,3.5617333863636382,3.771636363636365,91.53245454545456,74.98484848484848,5.583030303030301,20.775757575757574,4.935628992294339,-0.16470242424242398,485,10,106,1,10,159,84,132,0.116,0.731,0.153,0.6106,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,3,0,3,2,7,4,1,0,4,0,13,2,0,2,3,37,24,6,0,8,12,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,3,0,4,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,17,1,13,21,4,13,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,2,9,72,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487622951727828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359019811859361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325850812059773,0.0,0.2379271378356309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290504224154735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053326131479284,0.07376898882958327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264837219298302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491811370743661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28023013093861904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973078402838256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884986138412298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256752880533932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478738778408628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122845840440051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963476093502995,0.10869944120902003,0.13964627733619636,0.15805716173669646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4721841147433669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616168535481063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380422950298632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233241869146175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586269412148084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4996857208981304,0.0,0.11325877080508365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279223932167167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092547943677744 bpd,gregsterb,2018/03/01,"Decision making based on emotions Just to give some background information I have official diagnoses for Depression, G.A.D., S.A.D., ADHD and BPD. I'm not sure if BPD is the sole cause of this or maybe it's a combination of things. I'm curious how many people feel they make a majority of their decision in life based on their emotions rather then logic or just decisions youve made mentally. What I mean is, a good portion of my choices in life, weither its to not eat junk food because I'm over weight, to go for a walk I wanted to do or not spend money when the budget I made doesn't allow for it. I find I make alot of choices differently from what I have planned and know are best because those choices will cause anxiety, aren't comfortable, etc. The more I think about it the more I realize how differently I'm living my life because of this compared to how I would be if I made the choices I know I should. I wanted to bring this up to see if anyone has had any success become better at making logical choices and decision rather then emotional based ones. Is there any resources out there that talk about this? Let me know how this effects your life and what youve tried! ",8.277012987012984,6.767852112554112,8.180086580086577,73.81870129870131,62.50649350649351,11.690043290043292,37.01731601731602,10.637119530657019,3.742996536796536,942,37,181,19,11,305,129,231,0.053,0.867,0.08,0.7999,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,3,5,13,7,0,0,10,0,16,8,0,15,1,55,39,17,0,9,13,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,15,5,3,0,16,0,3,3,5,1,0,1,4,3,21,6,27,30,8,14,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,8,3,121,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300083408935102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14712882814606662,0.0,0.08275549647694333,0.0,0.0,0.07564022788786988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978320119226388,0.11947355699756627,0.0,0.0,0.1135256191861926,0.0956742136622308,0.0,0.0,0.2724915653341852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222561963488914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317312794619652,0.1097978921106251,0.0,0.2260449400390695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069259582642564,0.0,0.3650554039925985,0.0,0.0,0.12064651532468387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469779772241922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887228125886688,0.0,0.1308086704153495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377372160051797,0.06147976996933593,0.0907341601140404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835458567260395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061882977928596,0.3056358884863049,0.0,0.0,0.0955227202579128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30708051718741536,0.2888373027499977,0.10967501259156733,0.10867884545478153,0.11783701804262325,0.0,0.0,0.10901748306174212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330387814823144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499666227875539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620346699495557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195601977038556,0.0,0.0,0.08694898213791431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186832858889199,0.06931577823210668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344542604360606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761179238561926,0.0,0.0,0.13173105988513653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684619694551961,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IntrovertedPervertbh,2018/03/01,"For the community for those with free time on their hands to read ... :) So it's 3 days since I even discovered Reddit lol ..... and it was all just because I noticed precisely this community. I was diagnosed years ago after the doctors thoight I had schizophrenia, then they changed their mind and now its.... uh... like six things, one of the emotionally unstable PD.... so after those years of struggling, not seeing a therapist... I looked those diagnoses up and I somehow got to BPD and YOU are my people ! For fucks sake ! It is so relieving to find an anonymous group of people that are the same kind of weird. This is amazing... amazingly terrifying, but it feels good at the same time lol... just wanted to say I'm grateful for finding put about this and I hope each and every one of us convinces ourself we are worth our effort and getting better. That's it I guess.... I'll also post avout that schizophrenia... it ticks me and I need to get it off my chest...",1.7871582993033892,4.5111415856353565,2.734379053567139,89.4750156137401,86.18232044198895,5.799759788613981,23.339178477059807,7.255503002510835,1.1285261109776603,741,28,144,12,23,234,118,181,0.05,0.792,0.158,0.9673,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,3,1,3,2,10,13,1,1,7,2,8,6,2,0,2,28,20,14,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,18,11,0,0,3,1,2,1,1,3,1,3,4,5,19,11,22,16,4,16,0,0,2,1,9,4,1,3,11,101,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342534567722696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111646771104236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923240063898788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339473823420328,0.0,0.0,0.19074905603956896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021660779347188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767429942102794,0.0,0.0,0.30744209274221784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501799781527992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036361872542646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003291332678232,0.0,0.1276052192815655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657890819628843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27684958681899546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001534743059976,0.1582553059127101,0.0,0.0,0.12703112752183982,0.12113035787370573,0.0,0.1668419460464617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042645375429733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771441815368534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399201578979978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718191179814026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292379794190775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230007092590487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242961553166053,0.0,0.0,0.2052561963694742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999611519345984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504957957756753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225154138978966,0.0,0.0,0.15149343288778486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044106527077238,0.0,0.0,0.1206879922059961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528302980758932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833098219265246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758479649813347,0.10061827653755184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662628040965406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217864674049905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933057765373897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506082151632406 bpd,dan988,2018/03/01,"Somebody very close with BPD disappeared (forever?) - is it even worth trying? Everything seemed totally fine....we talked about a relationship but decided best not. We never had a crossed word as roomies. From one day to the next, she disappeared. She didn't even take her personal stuff with her - it's still here 6 weeks later of barely no contact. I've gone through every shade and colour of emotion, and still helpless on this. Totally mortified and confused. Written encouraging, positive messages about trying to help or understand her situation.....barely nothing in return. I didn't even know she had BPD until I heard from a friend...and now starting to discover she had been telling stories and lies about her life and family. But is this just BDP or something else in the mix...and do I simply give up on this person? Any advice is appreciated - this is all new and very unsettling for me",5.120062111801244,7.592687559006215,5.385683229813665,76.93268633540374,70.92546583850931,9.072049689440991,31.37577639751553,9.606745405546679,3.351775155279503,711,32,120,18,14,225,110,161,0.097,0.759,0.14300000000000002,0.9018,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,1,0,0,1,11,4,0,1,5,0,11,1,0,0,4,27,20,12,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,10,0,0,4,0,1,4,5,2,0,1,9,2,13,2,21,11,4,22,0,1,1,0,20,6,0,5,12,83,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965293664089085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414483632901153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607177489044903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857651804932637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876678954020544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793420607134645,0.17226914117327707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034553538506233,0.0,0.1290324876832529,0.0,0.1376381526196158,0.0,0.1443728415915113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183205659121582,0.0,0.0,0.14691202788088387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265083597830804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416528275460926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817186537731972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811598196004708,0.1479097938987624,0.1628729849715794,0.0,0.0,0.1469481473423057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377599669930444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674431427083014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442197180989376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941877457931434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789961781214613,0.0,0.0,0.10839784421138338,0.0,0.2446059025729833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531604311712662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514706966669165,0.12309331390497208,0.13385674584945487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795277093710374,0.0,0.0,0.15943085348014852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527237169654966,0.0,0.0,0.12284484302100306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sometimesiactcrazy,2018/03/01,"DAE find it hard to be supportive about people's ""less serious"" problems? i feel bad because my neurotypical friends want to complain about daily things and i'm envious of their more normal problems but it also feels like i'm invalidating their feelings. i don't really tell them about it because and i still try to help but it's really painful to hear for instance someone bitching about their parents wanting to spend more time with them while you feel abandoned by yours. we literally feel things more intensely and it can be frustrating to feel that different from everyone else ",6.574214285714287,8.712248742857149,6.273511904761907,73.46169642857143,66.33333333333333,9.821428571428571,35.98214285714286,10.125756701596842,4.0975,478,24,77,12,8,149,71,105,0.219,0.6829999999999999,0.098,-0.9074,2,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,2,5,0,6,13,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,20,16,7,0,5,2,1,7,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,1,7,0,1,0,1,10,0,0,0,8,12,3,15,14,4,3,0,1,0,0,14,0,1,0,4,51,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345408776011713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393380508192813,0.20345732143569076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743543584433573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940704793727918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594612448616252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062780575495437,0.11921929477799187,0.0,0.0,0.15252553906972094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893127890193376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494919389630675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808618732897947,0.0,0.11185632405495384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152926811173535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350722782628935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775723680688863,0.0,0.1853007855176231,0.0,0.0,0.11569376368031492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31936375218124285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138155421559692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139710712721176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332707953286415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937374728840947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586070729947315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217356658609015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097309224633142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330074573860115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686060822556725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,elena41086,2018/03/01,"When I'm not feeling an extreme feeling, I feel bored and confused and look for something to get upset about Hi all, I'm a 31 year old F who has been in therapy for 13 years for BPD/eating disorder. I can happily report I've improved a lot, and by most standards, am a high functioning individual in most domains of my life. I am completing my PhD (in clinical psychology), have been in a healthy relationship for over a year, and have a lot of good social relationships. I've pretty much recovered from an eating disorder that was a way I managed a lot of my intense BPD feelings. I still have crises very frequently, but they are nowhere nearly as big as they used to be, and I don't trust them nearly as much as I used to. I feel like my identity is more fully formed, and am pretty satisfied with myself about 70% of the time. Right now what I""m really struggling with is feeling bored, and feeling confused about the boredom, when I am not experiencing intense feelings. I have nothing *really* to be upset about this week-- I just got through a huge milestone in my PhD, had a pretty productive talk with my bf last weekend about resolving some of our issues, etc. And this week I'm just feeling flat and lost-- and feel my mind scrambling to find something to be upset about. It's so frustrating. It's hard not to feel intensely about something when I've pretty much been in that state, be it positive or negative feelings, for 31 years. It's hard to get out of bed. I made myself get up this morning even though I had nowhere to be and just read-- read things that interest me but I usually don't have the time to read, which helped a little. Is this what non-BPD (or otherwise afflicted) individuals feel most of the time? Anyone relate? Thanks :)",6.3296017699115055,6.5280679410029485,6.823449852507378,76.33163495575224,65.75516224188789,10.201828908554571,34.059144542772856,10.008157457239328,3.306149144542772,1388,58,262,29,20,454,168,339,0.14300000000000002,0.706,0.151,0.8493,0,0,3,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,3,2,18,16,1,6,17,0,28,3,0,3,1,55,54,24,0,0,10,0,15,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,16,15,1,0,15,4,0,0,6,10,0,0,9,17,28,6,50,40,14,37,0,1,1,0,12,16,0,11,20,183,44,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469231078164975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955410194968247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201078438799679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929073832011122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600744477169212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723449010019238,0.05166269198854651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141462084835867,0.05587943147733737,0.0,0.0,0.07149044477122496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259807576851665,0.0,0.0,0.06560610698880348,0.06255861357200124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013712420052174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242832384619578,0.08264231640085468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163996671028267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637586534753885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524815784498483,0.03821368981699591,0.07839565331674019,0.0,0.0,0.06568398057424805,0.0,0.08538491510378672,0.1994961411852516,0.0,0.07401239415398958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789785562376126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724991610441501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505292074863319,0.0,0.08207733343154948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31830601864814106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471950285008025,0.0,0.10021776222501044,0.0,0.0,0.16795515211002898,0.0,0.06679831441025394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973408090255167,0.0,0.1806496542893462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062465528666017775,0.0,0.0,0.0817711340520663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286920182583867,0.0,0.07201323974946475,0.08944986276896713,0.0,0.05196500687925276,0.0,0.07684944338727459,0.0,0.13682980158856664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511162912249033,0.08614681127201182,0.06453859216247064,0.0,0.06208633724500748,0.12548459350299368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148102871122986 bpd,Shrubbub,2018/03/01,"How do you deal with SOs/FPs not texting you back right away? (Potentially long post) Hi! I'm a long time lurker, first time poster to this sub so I'm sorry if this is all over the place and goes off topic a whole bunch. So... I've only ever been in committed, long-term relationships in my life and I have now been single for about 10 months. I have been on dates and have had short-term interests but pretty much very single. For the most part, I am way happier on my own and find it easier to get things done and stay productive. I have recently started seeing someone and I'm right back to being dependent and obsessive and just miserable when they aren't around. I have always struggled with my sense of self and dependency on SOs and it's something I have been working on and until recently, thought I have made major improvements. Now I can't focus on anything except for them and even though I was perfectly happy and content before, I am a complete mess and so weak and anxious all the time. They are super busy with work, friends, etc. which is great and I love that they do their own thing but if they don't text me back within 5-10 minutes I get SO irrationally angry. Not with them, with myself. I know that there is nothing wrong and they're busy but I automatically feel rejected and come to the conclusion that they are uninterested in me and once again, another person who realized that I'm boring and not worth their time. I just hate this feeling. I wish I could control it but my anger and sadness and sense of rejection takes over everything; I can't concentrate on my goals or be productive in the slightest. Then the anger turns to acceptance and self-loathing and I think ""Well, it's for the best anyway, they're obviously not the one for me."" After hours of this cycle they finally text me back and like a puppy, I'm completely fine again and super happy. This happens multiple times a day, every day and I don't know what to do I am so helpless and wish I could control these irrational feelings/thoughts. Does this happen to any of you? I would be so grateful to any advice you have. Also, on a slightly unrelated note, do any of you play dating simulators and find that it helps with the lack of attention you may receive whether in a relationship or single?",4.712405898876406,6.0270092651685445,5.425347612359551,80.93408883426967,69.8314606741573,8.798455056179774,28.063553370786515,9.188382445141503,2.2724620786516856,1813,63,351,36,32,588,226,445,0.146,0.662,0.192,0.9812,0,2,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,6,10,11,27,29,3,3,16,0,39,3,0,6,6,85,64,50,0,8,16,0,2,1,1,2,2,0,0,2,22,37,0,2,12,1,1,2,9,14,1,2,9,3,49,15,47,48,16,57,0,5,1,1,27,21,0,8,32,258,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472197788349684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933374697386119,0.0721411251179064,0.0,0.0,0.1768763791382101,0.0909122319226483,0.0,0.09794602275970038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134649483326512,0.07718114580404252,0.0,0.0,0.08145725526950445,0.2666669790778579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377508897986712,0.0,0.09098602322014933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468414501826108,0.1818060458039588,0.0,0.1944822506730168,0.13844536758723666,0.0,0.0,0.11182831352155233,0.08938362009359772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758715225963834,0.08872393068916075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669312286910538,0.05726435746296931,0.07842487420771545,0.07304826629620663,0.0,0.07792013163193907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767598237893344,0.0,0.0,0.0949753221417102,0.15848397468229836,0.07374675053241513,0.0,0.0,0.06698400040372922,0.0,0.09059406656079738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558676421515264,0.0,0.0,0.1533365791428281,0.18458696074572345,0.0,0.08559803908019957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058113005001335774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538177491192711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529581422388073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612385870389247,0.04235711128147602,0.0,0.0,0.2301796123044508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824989606731499,0.08203738582696876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920290153098063,0.0,0.06373428122486315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319073429898816,0.0,0.0,0.09233238849221424,0.05874998442759576,0.06593905551462016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388736447285602,0.0,0.0,0.07570286467547505,0.09058277026201617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303438037087926,0.08820479988984475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121105809567236,0.1861661384255458,0.0,0.14808220040723488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908846395981018,0.0,0.18089346479827892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346040434532014,0.06674569197878398,0.0,0.0970532554259622,0.06136651886713615,0.09241038203390058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906373878377848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518741100991768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519890330759007,0.055553689580899734,0.08518204970687061,0.13765981070430192,0.2527765642916926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430441552103208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153636153082865,0.0,0.06881821431900571,0.0,0.0,0.07795347422981971,0.0,0.0,0.0967971582059726,0.19940083360249325,0.0,0.0,0.12623687973484107,0.0,0.0,0.061589004400828665,0.09479255016828628,0.0,0.0 bpd,AliOopCoop,2018/03/01,"CareZone Pill Reminder and Pharmacy App Has anyone ever used CareZone to refill prescription medication? I use to use it to remind me to take my Zoloft but stopped showing up to my psychiatrist's appointments and never got it refilled so I decided to try the pharmacy refill part of the app to see if it actually works, and if I can even have my prescription refilled through it. They might be able to without a doctor ordering it but it doesn't hurt to try? Right?",4.926737012987012,6.9018456022727275,6.0742207792207825,73.90454545454547,70.25,9.574025974025977,34.16233766233766,9.957137785484203,3.847965584415583,375,19,64,10,7,125,58,88,0.027000000000000003,0.924,0.049,0.4318,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,6,4,0,3,2,16,12,8,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,13,9,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,3,3,48,14,2,0.20814435478767745,0.0,0.20311886508862687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455393724648482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21304456695668236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747738328109815,0.1882784853946556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647205487237887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282283674414924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096835395518508,0.0,0.22080826765008804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605337581047063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254000527157526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775414170724374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586410222531914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401800068974718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649865091576698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826327078930979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5393096790249773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006437303666992,0.0,0.1515315692727302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MagicalClaire,2018/03/01,"overly protective of my laptop and trust issues One day while I was at work I trusted my (ex) boyfriend with my laptop so that he could play games on it/not be bored while I was away, but I had forgot to log out of my deviantart account... Naturally he didn't mention this and thought I was stupid enough to never find out about it, but shortly after I was searching through my history to find a link for my friend because I couldn't remember the site name and saw all these deviantart art links like enough to fill my entire screen and was horrified when I saw the timestamp and that he had been looking through more than 300 pages of my personal (not viewed by public) messages and was frantically reading to dig up dirt on me. WHILE I WAS AT WORK AND TRUSTING HIM WITH MY PERSONAL LAPTOP! I confronted him about this and he decided to play dumb (because he thought I was an idiot) and it really hurt me because I had solid evidence right in front of me and this guy was CONTINUOUSLY lying to me and playing dumb. I didn't want to use receipts but I screenshot and sent it to him, (as proof and so he could stop patronising me) and that was the only time this ethics and moral philosophy student could say sorry. His excuse was that he was feeling insecure, and for some reason thought if I was going to cheat on him it would be on deviantart... Unfortunately this wasn't the first or last time that people I loved/trusted have used that specific account to dig up information on me for blackmail, I felt so sickened by what he did that I deleted the account. I know one day I'll be able to use this site and know that the people I trust are only going on it to....hell I don't know.... look at my artwork?? like it was intended. Thankfully I'm no longer with this utter prick but I now feel like a right stuck up bitch whenever someone uses my laptop I feel I have to monitor them and log out of everything so they can't use anything against me. I managed to let my best friend borrow my laptop so he could quickly google something but I still had this vomit inducing feeling because it instantly reminded me of the ex breaking my trust. ",7.555785714285713,6.421231388095242,7.6061904761904815,76.15214285714289,63.69047619047619,10.571428571428571,36.42857142857143,9.606745405546679,3.2822142857142858,1693,69,329,27,21,548,195,420,0.158,0.7170000000000001,0.125,-0.9621,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,2,4,11,28,8,3,10,0,38,2,1,8,3,72,66,35,0,8,8,2,5,3,2,1,1,1,0,3,25,24,0,3,20,6,4,5,9,13,0,3,32,12,55,15,54,24,7,46,1,1,6,0,32,23,4,3,20,231,80,10,0.09860539201559287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114383590493268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264301168966606,0.0,0.0,0.2404357270021833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348027545112004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31491352772271003,0.0,0.0,0.12718464085901232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377145766974905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862016823123392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994313958544432,0.07044371175822849,0.09467663972536346,0.0,0.18024708382991195,0.08387369607587546,0.0,0.0,0.15236456253999278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207943328922433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976348408130856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555911155791793,0.0,0.0,0.10291841077915984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257283409396422,0.08037655517906593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083069405564872,0.0,0.1445208413642443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560738978104886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605055715202161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363513111473796,0.14998768791399414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672112649378287,0.1721968498414864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863207603505852,0.0,0.06316913906055463,0.1013827656968788,0.0,0.0,0.11170068718127993,0.16841693202121555,0.0,0.07841496546143763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354802866822021,0.07591124819719146,0.0,0.11038066341910836,0.0,0.0,0.07874639343742994,0.08243852298221488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090782596915734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348450007936312,0.11499519409569894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258169958721499,0.0,0.0,0.05816001498841021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357179954380506,0.0,0.0,0.07004644136096945,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Caveteursus,2018/03/01,"does anyone else have intense boundary issues? like i don’t just mean being bad about other people’s boundaries i keep running into this same exact issue where i set a boundary and then everyone gets mad at me for even having that boundary, i get called abusive and controlling (for stuff like....... not wanting to hear a ton of hate about a movie i happen to like, or not wanting to have a certain conversation until i’m ready, or not wanting to be around alcohol or have it in the house, or not hearing about what’s going on between my partner and their other partner) and basically get told i’m a bad person for having this boundary. i try to be very clear about this - i have good reasons for my boundaries and state them - but those reasons never seem to be good enough to take seriously this then turns into a further issue because i’m bad with other people’s boundaries (surprise) and then get accused of not caring about that person because “you don’t care about my boundaries” yet when they do the same and worse to me it’s also somehow about me not caring about them (??????) i’ve literally had to give up on so many boundaries in my life because i’m essentially just not allowed to have them, and yet other people having boundaries is perfectly fine and if i don’t toe the line at all times i’m again abusive i understand that people are allowed to have boundaries and i’m working on not pushing them, i guess i’m just wondering if this is a common bpd thing, where people don’t take our boundaries seriously and essentially treat it as us just trying to control people around us. it feels like as soon as people know i have bpd they’re determined to interpret my every action as sinister and evil in some way.",8.395030120481927,7.0542539548192815,8.283222891566266,72.63399096385545,62.16265060240964,10.227710843373494,37.01506024096385,8.841846274778883,3.243104819277109,1371,54,243,16,16,444,154,332,0.146,0.7490000000000001,0.105,-0.9615,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,3,1,6,4,26,22,3,0,10,0,23,3,1,6,6,64,58,30,0,5,19,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,0,4,20,17,1,3,9,0,0,4,13,8,0,0,2,3,29,14,47,52,6,35,0,0,0,0,20,16,0,11,16,181,49,1,0.0,0.2012131567089745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074487304487136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679039224417689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059372293193373664,0.08700215641979005,0.0,0.1511789789933142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269337690937345,0.15528430496425727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138868372227241,0.0,0.08670442447437725,0.0,0.2597196664997788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047157037365792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430687379215245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093289932028574,0.0,0.0,0.0877365705181111,0.0,0.05608343205955901,0.0,0.07154183966075446,0.08113684777505697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04293394895929596,0.06066099496868675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745160871654672,0.08145511980433294,0.04825732325253807,0.14243995047003885,0.0,0.0,0.0935399023640765,0.0,0.07508720956279878,0.0,0.0,0.08383280668590819,0.0,0.0,0.1914035020000624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797679747492737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658775230308869,0.0,0.07547349447397739,0.0,0.0,0.04666529547669742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997570369739792,0.16593443307767888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608722085325357,0.0,0.09249382477576394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548920194038085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120699741356715,0.14828338798655036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460691057726774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730049846932258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720367693314858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768618730690975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641161582197843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951274369530593,0.0,0.0,0.08113684777505697,0.0,0.11529905423440735,0.09235963721779933,0.0,0.08839616100910376,0.20427684083929756,0.0,0.0,0.07006111391884018,0.15024950936853165,0.06739902127978926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208320691439736,0.06181678955009595,0.0,0.08653236141782411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seilisch,2018/03/01,Just diagnosed I just got diagnosed and I am scared my boyfriend will think I'm crazy and leave? Do I have to tell him? We have a perfect calm relationship and never fight so I am scared. He doesn't understand mental illness well. ,1.0429523809523822,3.6387876444444487,2.126031746031749,91.27000000000002,94.77777777777777,6.126984126984127,21.984126984126984,7.447530270364453,1.2487460317460315,184,7,37,4,7,58,34,45,0.183,0.565,0.251,0.5426,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,4,6,1,2,1,0,7,3,0,0,2,10,11,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,7,3,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119765228990196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017157081144788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26705441235389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541687770149476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452021972813496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707795977635963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050132462007797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044301865548066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160624962434667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625599358848205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267674516401633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eweezy81,2018/03/01,"Needing help/advice on stopping obsessions I’m not OCD but I am having trouble lately controlling urges to spend money and fix things that aren’t broken. I’m thinking about foolish things like a project car I can’t afford to lavish landscaping around my house to interior remodeling to reconfiguring the layout of my garage. I seem to be bouncing from idea to idea every couple hours, I see a post on Facebook and I want to do that or I browse Craigslist and want a car or other item. I know I should stop looking at these sites but the urges don’t stop. Does anyone have any tips or tricks to help them with getting their mind off it and just be happy with what I’ve got?",5.082197159565581,6.07012848120301,5.344761904761906,83.06412698412701,68.69924812030075,7.7156223893066,27.559732664995824,7.793537801064563,1.5450173767752715,540,17,105,6,9,171,91,133,0.149,0.743,0.108,-0.5719,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,3,5,1,1,5,0,10,0,0,1,0,28,22,9,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,4,5,0,2,2,4,3,0,0,1,2,12,2,18,18,1,15,0,0,2,0,3,7,0,4,6,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703377715717813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624032093131502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195203479263062,0.0,0.0,0.15216663528200447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19171592620638628,0.0,0.18913414485011584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958464514800626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401844880223866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930545239682391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367107579301917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196138733753425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291456117956829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683346012475616,0.19723376499487305,0.0,0.3859251663001089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394032218518453,0.0,0.19281990147994224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350924357007991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143540693366587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259363126788815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674467475694132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637065910610131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621149295007884,0.15561100936154285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42872299713059936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22712061763113675,0.10952698269716143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164145787660565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Demitria_brooks,2018/03/01,Ticking. Ever since being diagnosed with BPD I feel like a ticking time bomb. When I’m happy I’m constantly reminded with a tick that things are going to be bad again. When it’s bad I don’t feel a tick saying things will be happy again. I feel like a bomb just waiting to explode. ,1.4312643678160877,3.644079482758624,3.235172413793105,89.08540229885055,81.75862068965517,5.935632183908046,21.735632183908052,7.1686216300943375,0.7704045977011496,222,7,45,3,6,74,36,58,0.207,0.602,0.191,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,8,13,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,4,4,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36469940539388696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27505934889762745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360061145852615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216651122924989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754969756079568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312794054937732,0.3120411521573805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241182307966282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649685273629255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133923607207098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736755173616332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806576101726508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29018227619306625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734718246157722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hexxxmeister,2018/03/01,"Songs that motivate you to stay in treatment? Mine is ""Do You Really Want To Not Get Better?"" by Joyce Manor. ",0.03500000000000013,2.08292761904762,1.628928571428574,92.73482142857144,106.14285714285714,5.90952380952381,14.773809523809526,7.1686216300943375,0.4337523809523813,84,2,17,2,4,27,19,21,0.0,0.807,0.193,0.5504,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5149697181453728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30421158239874146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37301650747556575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6206214074679836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434374124508267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tbsvii,2018/03/01,"I don’t want to have a favorite person I hate it. I hate that I’m so reliant and I’ve tried!!! I’ve tried so hard to set boundaries for myself but it’s so damn hard like. I just want her to care about me like I care about her. And I always care more. Im intimidated by her other friends. Im happy when she goes out with other people but get sad all the same. She likes them more. She cares about them more. She hates me. She secretly wants to stop being friends with me but is afraid of my reaction. Ugh...I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want a FP. Edit:3/1/18- Thanks for all the comments guys. Its nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way. I appreciate !",-1.0179166666666646,1.0776530416666643,1.0666111111111114,100.23950000000002,94.97222222222223,3.9911111111111115,15.533333333333335,5.6839178017228535,-0.9140766666666664,514,12,126,4,20,169,81,144,0.158,0.482,0.36,0.9902,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,0,8,19,4,1,4,0,7,0,0,0,2,22,25,9,0,5,5,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,3,23,13,17,23,6,6,0,1,0,0,16,2,1,0,6,76,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358083198559968,0.0,0.0,0.10910840431556812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347720190883047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630189450559901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261722801742652,0.0,0.06850859358480872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983662653366385,0.0,0.13958743165919438,0.2349285801057292,0.3883831354716716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832799356147779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206412577379964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562486690239698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090714796073056,0.11449528619575512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096282805532484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072438520250595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805363624232462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38671134619346026,0.1040827342229758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,josieismydog,2018/03/02,"Scared of Upcoming Move: Any Book Recommendations? I am in DBT, but it has gone painfully slow. And I will have to quit when we move, if not sooner for surgery. My husband starts his new job in May. I will be 30 in a few weeks, if that’s helpful. I know that people with BPD sometimes don’t process things the same way that other people do, but I would like to at least read a few books on making friends or being more laid back/less Type-A since I won’t be able to fit in as much DBT before I move and have to start making friends. I don’t want to blow it. My husband and I have been saving for years for a fresh start, to be able to live near a city, afford a ranch (bad knees), and be near the medical care that I really need. All of the neurological and genetic condition treatment is all in one city. So, my question: Aside from the usual How to Makes Friends and Influence People or whatever book, has anyone ever read a helpful book on how to make friends or be less Type-A and more “go with the flow”? I guess reading books to get ready or learn to be laid back is very not laid back, but I would like to be as prepared as possible. * If reading the books is a bad idea or would be counterproductive, please let me know. Extra info, if you want to read it, so I don’t have to answer it later: I always had a lot of friends in college and after college when I moved to DC, until I got very sick when I moved to where I live now. I never had good or close friends, but I had a lot of them. I went to a small college where everyone lived on campus, so people were at least cordial to people they didn’t even like. I haven’t had a friend, really, or a good group like I wanted, since 2012. That really hurt my self-esteem, along with the other stuff that people here are probably very familiar with. (Growing up, I had a lot of trouble keeping friends, obviously.) We are moving to an area of Charleston, SC that is known for childless couples, fun things to do, 10 minutes from downtown and 20 minutes from a beach. Plus I already know two people there, plus their spouses. But I am really, really afraid. I have always been too uptight. I used to have a job that people thought was impressive, which was a good talking point, but I medically retired. Now, I don’t even know how to talk to people without asking a million questions or over sharing. Plus, people love to talk about jobs. I don’t have one—just the hope of maybe something in 5 or 10 years, after a ton of PT. 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A few days ago I learned what BPD is. It was the first time in my life I heard of what it is and it was the first time I could put words on how I feel for so long. After a lot of research and online tests, I'm pretty sure I have BPD. Now that I know more about my condition I would like to get better but I don't know where to start and how to do it. Did any of you self-treated this? I don't want my family and friends to know about this. Sorry for bad English, it's not my main language. 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I went backwards in life, even though where I was at was awful. I hate BPD. I hate how it was definitely caused by how I was raised. I can’t even describe my mother’s personality, but she’s definitely BPD. The difference between us is that she’s the loud, screaming, judgmental, fake personality BPD, and I was turned into a suicidal, no confidence, depressed, silent, scared, lazy BPD. I was raised with no real sense of direction or rules. I had free range until I didn’t. If I did something wrong, I didn’t know it was wrong until I was receiving a slew of insults and beatings. Sometimes the wrong thing was encouraged, then I was punished for it. Such as being “sexy” in high school because the only thing that matters is boys, then getting humiliated/beaten for having sex. Never having help with homework, being called dumb, then questioned why I got straight C’s. I would’ve loved to play sports or something but nobody took an interest. So here I am. 23. I’ve never had friends and I can honestly say I’ve never felt love. I’ve latched onto boys here and there who promise the world, obviously they didn’t mean it. I’ve never had that person by my side through it all. Every emotion I’ve had since I was 5 has sat inside my head, growing constantly. So I moved in with the piece of crap abuser that got me pregnant. He never cared about me, but I could finally *keep* someone around, even if it’s against their will. Finally no abandonment! Yea then he abused me for months, the last time he punched me and I reported him. I felt so strong. So brave. Then I realized. Fuck. I’m moving back in with my parents. It’s been 3 goddamn days since then and constant bitching. Questioning if I really got abused by him, telling me I’m a terrible parent for being upset over him, I lived with him 3 days ago and yesterday I was told “ok you’ve been sad now it’s time to move on with your life and forget”. Fuck. I should’ve dealt with the abuse. When I left this house I was a weak, scared, unemployed, irrational, paranoid mess. I finally broke free. My options were literally abuse here, or abuse there but at least there friends could come over. I could go cook without being hounded over my shoulder about what I’m doing wrong. I could lay in bed an extra hour in the morning without someone bursting in calling me lazy. I could comfort my child at night without someone asking “what are you doing to upset him”. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I should’ve dealt with the abuse at the hands of someone who at least worked 12 hours a day and left me in peace. 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I don't feel emotionally angry but I'm guessing that this is a physical reaction of anger. I'm doing a temp stint at a different department for my work. It's been stupid busy and we're short staffed. I was told straight up by the manager in this dept that we don't get paid overtime despite everyone getting off late all week. I know this is illegal where I live. I'm already reaching out to my union about it. I'm taking steps to deal with this wtf and know I'm fully justified in being pissed. But my whole body is screaming at me to stay in bed all day (I work in a few hours). I'm shaking. I had dreams about work all night and woke up feeling this feeling of burning veins but feel numb everywhere else. This physical reaction is overboard. I am dealing with the situation and in the meantime need to be functional and keep working. I know that, but I feel like the weight of the world is crashing and I have a lump in my throat. In the past I'd just stay silent and let resentment continue. I've done that for years and just occasionally I'd snap. But I don't seem to have the tollarance for that anymore. And it's not a bad thing to speak out for myself and my coworkers in this situation. But I feel like I'm suffering whether I do or I don't. I thought acting on things helped my anxiety, but in this case it seems to do nothing for my emotional well-being. Perspective? Tips? 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And if you think it is, what advice would you give?",4.718333333333334,6.88628527777778,5.151111111111113,79.50500000000002,71.22222222222223,8.133333333333335,31.44444444444445,8.841846274778883,2.813344444444444,154,7,27,3,3,49,29,36,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.6966,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,0,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25908610485793143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6678545723673249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25434091648848944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183810694300677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988990116167524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846549435345073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33977462291530464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589976210484807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834375271823012,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Desnutsie,2018/03/02,"What technique to survive works for you/ your loved one? My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me yesterday, all in relation to actions and reactions I’ve had and done. I got diagnosed with BPD and was put on anti-depressants, which I stopped taking because of hair loss and no periods. My boyfriend has had a hard time relating to me and understanding, and unfortunately, he gave up yesterday. I used to be very keen on self harm habits and even suicidal tendencies with breakups— I’ve successfully managed those through this one. I know it will get harder to accept and handled which makes me wonder; what techniques do you use or your loved one uses to handle these tendencies? ",8.410971428571429,8.648846760000001,7.611085714285718,72.30040000000002,61.40000000000001,11.622857142857145,38.65714285714286,11.20814326018867,4.464314285714286,555,26,96,14,7,172,89,125,0.149,0.735,0.116,-0.4026,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,4,1,8,0,0,1,0,8,4,1,4,1,23,21,9,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,4,6,2,13,5,18,13,1,13,0,2,0,2,9,5,0,3,6,64,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755890449713198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068925538225988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084888358522087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102985857066425,0.17797792649400573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794453090775281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581791117967186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161384165646803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024449116611545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570803647555658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636851469706187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3165228744041481,0.0,0.11704838601494286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564678333800815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762765365040078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829296980459284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660157813987326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180591338011752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184239050026228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224878080704766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129278686236202,0.1825469367406765,0.0,0.4543417907215873,0.0,0.144683225883607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016105626747687,0.12765786933157555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129205186057642 bpd,Southside42,2018/03/02,"Ex girlfriend diagnosed with BPD, need to know next step I have done extensive reading regarding BPD recently and it frighteningly describes my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. She informed me she had been diagnosed with BPD after we broke up. I left her because her behavior had become so erratic and frightening that I could no longer handle it. It was making my day to day life un-livable, her need for attention was impossible to meet, and she began accusing me of things I never did, but was convinced, even after shown those fears were untrue, that they were happening. She also attempted suicide twice when I tried to leave her, and blames me for not calling in the second one (the first one was called in, but she was bluffing). This woman and I still love each other and we still care for each other. Last week, we spoke for the first time in over 3 months. She told me she still loved me, but I could not bring myself to sit down with her. I am not sure if she's still in therapy treating her BPD or not, but she said she was going to see a new person if I did not tell her I would work on our relationship. She said she didn't feel a connection with the new person and wasn't excited to be with him. I couldn't give her a timeline and told her to let me go. She then said very mean things to me, told me she hated me and never wanted to see me again, and 24 hours later said she was sorry and hoped to hear from me again someday. I am at a loss for what to do. Part of me wants to give it another go with her, but the other part is worried I'll never be able to adequately manage the relationship and her BPD. Are there any people out there that have successfully managed someone with BPD? Or do I need to just let go of her and be at peace that she's with someone else now? ",8.208917130919223,5.875837571030643,8.148925835654598,76.60244167827302,63.26183844011142,11.53767409470752,33.858112813370475,9.978442167317967,2.937775626740947,1404,41,292,23,16,456,175,359,0.11,0.8079999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.5912,0,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,4,0,1,6,14,13,1,1,10,0,34,5,0,1,4,63,68,26,1,12,15,1,1,0,1,1,3,6,0,3,16,28,0,0,5,1,0,6,12,4,0,6,26,9,63,9,46,33,4,48,0,2,2,2,60,12,0,5,29,225,79,5,0.07106889496905579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683376963026938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483292856352094,0.07452193298615939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332293873550196,0.07849001089381975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5370527119734924,0.0,0.14513857548443201,0.0,0.07245947491451127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348545940835053,0.0,0.0,0.09166711574410527,0.0,0.0,0.14426686481021006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272815414664921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936894238522567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469403348603496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997226516910526,0.035934568677720775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090233151023408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635151984439192,0.16156036317696668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284598911250606,0.0,0.0,0.07016582034317155,0.0,0.0,0.0800998097600838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058744843324596,0.06998854580580212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905760606282265,0.057930634838835676,0.0,0.07525169823388109,0.07721656232865932,0.14534552034162027,0.05019806227356448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828490484897373,0.0,0.04743903925085835,0.0,0.0,0.0774148611817855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672651392749236,0.0,0.0,0.15809005532656958,0.16443813917560945,0.1372775632388588,0.07558257605862559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631624501698104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392137527646088,0.0,0.04927022336314588,0.12410923566382298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710881272213494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017195996656962,0.2289041892158915,0.0,0.0,0.270411174915053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326541593897504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043288815999953,0.0,0.0,0.07955580942172821,0.0,0.0,0.2270228453028884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773783614773215,0.0,0.06698159244251076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211734669130028,0.0,0.08127347511272738,0.0,0.09443003180992858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144084417737039,0.0,0.0,0.20372812420055375,0.0,0.04825111459920208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863928128626225,0.08383655116865026,0.0,0.05700718073451569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173900196392653,0.07217391260733244,0.0,0.05048530391980645,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babetron_5000,2018/03/02,"Does anybody else have a really high sex drive? I've recently been diagnosed with BPD, and a lot of the things I've been dealing with are starting to make a lot of sense. One thing I've always wondered is my high sex drive. I have participated in risky sexual behavior in my single years, but for the most part I've been in relationships. I've always had a higher sex drive than my partner, and it seems to become an issue when he isn't in the mood, or is too tired. I start to feel crushed and unloved or undesirable. I have an almost insatiable appetite, and I realize sometimes that it may be too much for someone with a lower or 'normal' sex drive. Is this something that anyone has dealt with or can offer insight? I'm new to this sub, and haven't seen much on the subject but am really curious is this is a common trait of BPD.",5.389464285714283,5.432465684523812,6.344142857142861,79.50085714285717,67.75,9.577142857142855,29.895238095238096,9.3871,2.425805238095238,657,22,133,12,10,219,96,168,0.119,0.86,0.02,-0.947,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,12,0,20,6,0,1,0,27,28,12,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,5,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,5,2,7,0,19,21,7,18,0,0,1,4,5,7,0,11,7,89,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151332673011278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515008917969708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567207980998204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690879447038115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38068037661423626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558061378224999,0.0,0.15339154762042212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225296641684964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624789434549272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641476245843858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31934966102485385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773817113589214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569669221849063,0.0,0.0,0.1008789878103752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22219266111935568,0.0,0.0,0.14596018223914892,0.0,0.0,0.14807316795507394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024081163999684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365669273107525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363269199757996,0.0,0.14922048182014205,0.16225471171921568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375810837724777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805010439203876,0.11634557285344745,0.14946927006081925,0.0,0.2139380858883987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20080520555050588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369918770506446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389166506547012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973213557897148 bpd,atlaswhite,2018/03/02,"I feel like every therapist is evil and is out to humiliate me/ruin my life I've only ever experienced public health system therapists. I'm considering going privately to see if the experience is different. I've had horrible experiences with past therapists and now I'm not sure how to get help. I'm afraid of a new therapist mocking me or misinterpreting me - I have severe problems communicating my actual feelings and constantly lie to therapists about how well I'm doing. How do I find the right therapist who won't be shitty if I'm honest about my issues? I'm really afraid of meeting the wrong one because I'm far too polite to say that things aren't working out and I'm also afraid they'll hunt me down if I try to leave. I also don't want them to mock me or be scared of me for being so fucked in the head. I just want a therapist I can be completely truthful with who won't try to ruin my life and won't use my information against me :( ",5.968519752498808,5.860697722513088,7.800666349357452,70.06221799143268,66.53926701570681,11.552784388386483,32.02332222751071,11.20814326018867,3.6758963350785336,759,28,145,22,11,269,108,191,0.205,0.698,0.096,-0.9658,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,13,16,4,4,6,0,18,5,1,4,3,30,35,16,0,6,7,0,2,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,11,1,1,1,5,20,5,21,26,0,13,0,1,1,1,9,6,1,5,6,91,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.094838461333761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543748837714538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05924302426155514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189653799542027,0.1050223712913396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153755504574064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790932269776612,0.08188248536219933,0.0,0.0,0.19013099717500465,0.0,0.0,0.09827922971708188,0.0694289251734844,0.0,0.0,0.08882525482839801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984589110866878,0.05077510874102579,0.0,0.05523242879386698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973976419995136,0.10330302376201683,0.0,0.0,0.06514100228032924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143580544824933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029047962653494,0.0,0.0,0.13728916402980848,0.0474796421646302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386179985595396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585501592077977,0.07391350981663908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277400138242417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299284186592888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062259147333990086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299538936406857,0.0,0.07728534788440608,0.09729905743464676,0.0,0.0774437974468364,0.0,0.0,0.10979129528394142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159563552177588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7898742660948326,0.0645653414659822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319643605111723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393656610677404,0.0,0.0,0.11464436577612305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738091314409831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075177811300509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062564520029316,0.0,0.0 bpd,SoftCatsMeow,2018/03/02,"Anyone else feel like they can’t be trusted to make decisions? I feel like I shouldn’t be trusted to make my own decisions. I just make really bad ones and regret it and have no one to blame but myself. I always feel like people are controlling me but if someone asks me what I want to do or something really open ended, it’s like I don’t have an opinion. I also feel like I don’t have my own personality, and I have no idea how to get one. Besides, I don’t really have many emotions. People always ask how I’m feeling and I just say “okay”. My family gets frustrated and wants to know more, but I just feel empty inside. Not sad or angry. Just absolutely nothing. I don’t know what its like to have emotions. Whenever I have to do any questionnaire, I always put my mood as “average”. I also have Bipolar, but even in depressive states I just feel more empty and hopeless but not sad. I really wish there were medicines for BPD and I could make this go away. How do you deal with lack of personality/ identity?",2.5848494800218944,4.515801674876851,4.4447865353037805,83.28263683634374,76.58620689655173,7.860864805692392,23.59304871373837,8.680891452615391,1.6671469074986318,792,25,159,17,18,269,104,203,0.152,0.682,0.16699999999999998,0.3336,0,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,1,1,1,12,17,1,0,1,1,22,1,0,8,0,52,44,21,0,8,15,0,7,6,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,9,0,1,12,0,0,2,10,7,0,3,1,8,28,9,14,39,5,7,0,5,0,0,8,3,0,4,7,110,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661892404284033,0.2593775609339667,0.0,0.0,0.07066051858264469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265439133328945,0.10646529516345113,0.0,0.0,0.1942785745818071,0.0,0.09762431695581854,0.0,0.08675824479072626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086759106648188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654085826466275,0.08296151399702949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712385078291063,0.08949519440349543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680120555282908,0.23376342563226374,0.0920310153428967,0.0,0.0,0.06862978337215239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097954543073821,0.0,0.3677705261120371,0.29692554759623485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085745381302928,0.0,0.05905290598878628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729867986588062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420945551841853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30458311246024244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774356848416565,0.10534568055669538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970184468064404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112308013055362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407245990767434,0.1814556709795944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044555232488665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662626760939659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263124549458982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804030744447341,0.07999290631158389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257442053812362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948825255932698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PompousJalapeno,2018/03/02,"Looking for some understanding I haven’t felt in my body for over a week. I’ve drank too much, had sex I regret, contemplated driving my car off a cliff, cried infront of strangers, taken plan b three times in two weeks, stayed in bed all day and eaten a bunch of chicken nuggets in the saddest way possible. Family and friends ask me what’s wrong? Are you fucking kidding me how do I reply to that? No? I’m going insane, I’ve lost control, I can’t be trusted to make decisions, I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off but atleast the chicken gets to die soon. I’m too much of a pussy to do it. So instead my arm is covered in disgusting scars and people look at me like I’m crazy. I guess I am crazy. So ya.. anyone else? ",2.1555957767722447,3.7827233529411792,3.5764705882352965,90.38334841628959,76.90849673202614,6.2763197586727015,26.801910507792854,7.010146845296331,1.1298088486676725,575,23,125,6,13,189,107,153,0.203,0.73,0.066,-0.9664,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,3,8,10,3,0,7,0,9,7,3,3,1,16,27,7,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,5,2,1,3,0,0,4,3,6,0,2,6,3,14,4,20,20,5,21,0,2,2,2,5,10,1,2,7,73,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227304327835758,0.17984503774728552,0.0,0.156253536133411,0.1640912070243742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496754863516752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968650443464372,0.0,0.0,0.19280482623013828,0.11319843237325375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216615706351996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662774442311893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546836665960918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853052580710326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560937478199914,0.16226907109945635,0.09170402373119968,0.0,0.09975431045708573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933594288212165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013821988619966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150427994243042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947918362787554,0.0,0.19160513487377875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716360513580887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580606108022958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216862121626605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787689003180967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708518534950416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102349431615105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146140263729848,0.1827266307824668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932274813635076,0.2815894638238752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190789419613288,0.0,0.0 bpd,ksaranghae18,2018/03/02,"BPD & panic attacks I was wondering how many people with BPD have panic attacks? I was diagnosed not to long ago but showed symptoms and have had panic attacks for years. If you do, what are they like? Mine are inbearable at times but I wasnt sure if other people felt the same way",2.1607738095238105,4.653531625000003,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523809,80.96428571428572,5.8761904761904775,21.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.8324976190476185,225,7,43,3,6,72,42,56,0.29,0.6609999999999999,0.049,-0.9331,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,1,8,3,3,1,0,9,2,0,1,1,12,11,6,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,1,6,2,4,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,5,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550264317220848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562555052290884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217066364269333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850478326201888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551513725997802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677117062951373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468048834053242,0.0,0.0,0.13527776354324125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497773606013693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380506851461664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195006332594366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407031053244496,0.15888179996683946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913486633637012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213344748161418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657719554110928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843790070761048 bpd,depressioneva,2018/03/02,Quiet borderline I feel like I’ve literally had to repress all of my true feelings my entire life. It feels like I’m living in my head constantly and 90% of the person I show to the outside world is just a mask and whenever I actually try and be ‘true’ to myself it’s like I’ve got a built in filter catching anything genuine trying to get through ,4.045633802816901,5.055285112676058,5.902929577464793,78.03326760563381,71.11267605633802,8.496901408450704,31.10140845070423,8.841846274778883,2.6130428169014084,277,12,53,5,5,96,50,71,0.034,0.818,0.14800000000000002,0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,4,0,3,2,1,0,3,11,9,3,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,7,5,9,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.25080907578406364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115010332406662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27774136684411643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898627586443596,0.3672224182161765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427946760286172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055579732005558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637710241826232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815369411377473,0.3766929050428337,0.0,0.22694851093123825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22441514661034334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348991947262432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KatnissPlays,2018/03/02,The relationship struggle So like i used to (still do?) love my boyfriend but like idk if i love him still or if i dont.. i constantly feel numb and when he says he loves me i honestly dont know how to feel about it. Lately i just want to sleep all day and i used to always be on my ps4 and now im not much interested in it. I get angry at my boyfriend for no reason constantly or i get annoyed just by him talking and i dont know if i still love him or if its just a phase and things will go back to normal. Idk what to do.. 😞 ive talked to him about it but he doesnt understand and quite honestly i dont either. Its like ive gone from loving him to feeling nothing towards him.. ,-0.020838852097128324,1.703252788079471,2.402225165562914,95.76965121412806,84.03311258278144,5.880971302428256,20.00044150110375,7.03164865440522,0.15668971302428236,525,15,131,7,15,180,80,151,0.122,0.621,0.257,0.981,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,13,14,1,1,2,0,11,7,1,4,1,33,29,18,0,6,14,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,1,4,24,11,17,26,3,16,0,0,0,5,18,4,0,7,13,90,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930915409972788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602735254986042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418009598719302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721521186135768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5244811966876219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697067857224052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690337858705445,0.0,0.06358290207220059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084754563781505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297055503629092,0.0,0.12620336909367635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397396443185347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048717632195046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822432758551996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961678335848146,0.10735005366121923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899612996834605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150293193663616,0.0,0.12011520945384532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889699550329353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195889633975678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26803798389400685,0.0,0.0,0.11695928074308733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798467567237139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432683793448508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164690469794077,0.0,0.19325351354588333,0.0,0.0,0.06598860163725223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lil_intro_vert_3,2018/03/02,"why is self harming a bad thing? i cut myself pretty regularly when i get really stressed out or angry at myself. Im curious to why it is treated like such a bad thing, unless you actually slit your wrists it doesnt seem like it is that dangerous. is it due to possibility of it escalating into worse stuff? Genuinely curious, ty",4.251562499999999,5.9583297812500025,6.917625000000001,68.26487500000003,71.5,10.745,29.9875,10.793553405168565,3.81406625,262,11,47,9,5,95,47,64,0.298,0.52,0.182,-0.8969,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,0,0,2,9,2,1,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,5,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,3,7,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,4,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.22125845273835015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786247432432235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845850132599706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449102723668562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215403331976433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556071030091828,0.0,0.23066871377715345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525080240861954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064089757575612,0.2365317018338129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597215935940491,0.0,0.2595547479373958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012623223190359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40918207306837295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23106003769464056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Igilyard,2018/03/02,Spoiler alert Crazy Ex Girlfriend Anybody else relate so hard with her finding out she had bpd. Like omg how she displayed it. How she’s been up until this point. Like I’ve said the whole time bpd not knowing for sure. And sure enough. I also have bipolar so she only depicts half of me but man. It’s crazy how relatable it was. ,-0.19681818181818045,1.8936512878787888,0.8580303030303043,98.70704545454544,104.30303030303033,2.8060606060606066,19.13636363636364,4.7782277997778095,-0.5194909090909086,259,9,53,1,12,80,52,66,0.135,0.7909999999999999,0.075,-0.4758,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,3,2,12,6,9,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,7,4,6,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,4,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269060882605206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5754471186197982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083985278954796,0.0,0.0,0.2360489189414493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087982770842977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464546123788105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554961385325505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232173158344669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374578359254572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21595817705071102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730734429538914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306210192661044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321046804182346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25505518650171416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,popcornzombiez,2018/03/02,"Having the worst disassociation of my life. Hi. Help. I have been having disassociation for 2-3 weeks. I can't remember anything practically - or well, I am missing the details. What do I do.",1.5378095238095248,4.158456542857143,5.227857142857143,67.97130952380954,97.85714285714286,6.904761904761906,25.83333333333333,7.793537801064563,2.476619047619048,149,7,26,4,6,55,28,35,0.175,0.693,0.133,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,5,1,2,8,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394084085706578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32098858531359103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33825281311430755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424868406788651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841351314734016,0.0,0.43057789582098105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vcloud25,2018/03/02,A month clean from self harm :) I know it doesn't sound like a lot but it is the longest i've made it since I started and my scars are finally starting to fade a little ,-1.0540540540540562,1.018765756756757,1.0095135135135145,101.00508108108109,94.13513513513512,4.0410810810810815,18.210810810810813,5.6839178017228535,-0.5406929729729728,131,4,32,1,5,43,31,37,0.11,0.779,0.111,0.0116,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,6,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697596733550333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550370951597586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490548574641925,0.3383047633587879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869652928417156,0.0,0.31938946141209257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694220107738733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521288843646739,0.0,0.0,0.2792174083335586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778265229233191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Peachjuice1187,2018/03/02,"My Symptoms have come back I am 10 days sober from alcohol for the first time in 3 years. The alcohol helped to sedate me somewhat, but I am in full BPD mode now. I am crying off and on, I’m pissed as hell. I feel invisible and ignored. Everything sets me off. I’m picking fights. My new husband and step daughter have never even seen this side of me. I have an appointment set for counseling on Wed, but I’m already feeling like life is hopeless. Oh yeah, I’m in my mid 30’s with a master’s degree. I thought this shit was behind me. *sigh",-0.15713864306784586,2.1259944070796486,2.0718938053097347,93.6258348082596,91.65486725663716,5.137227138643068,21.692625368731562,6.742157984588678,0.5861662536873156,420,16,92,6,15,141,80,113,0.255,0.685,0.061,-0.9833,0,0,2,0,1,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,3,8,4,0,4,1,8,6,2,1,1,14,17,6,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,2,1,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,1,3,3,13,1,15,14,2,22,1,1,1,0,5,10,3,1,9,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771936008614449,0.0,0.0,0.2463727119614432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167298495625274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811878693706153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923185262536334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452403779157531,0.14398408420311698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746097490232654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065148870994684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257736995560857,0.1594968269261446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899046494395908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964632018341004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769498072584448,0.10907344813310534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219170099020206,0.2156256806395004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291729493529904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320523894937071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772433219429116,0.13018456944013646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377197439047676 bpd,violetdove,2018/03/02,"I don’t care about you. But then I love you like you gave me the air I breathe. I don’t get it. It doesn’t matter who you are. You could be my Mom. My best friend. My boyfriend. I won’t care about you at fucking all for maybe a few hours, a few days. I’ll do something I know will hurt you. I’ll get into a situation that I can’t control. I’ll get sexually abused. I’ll drink too much. And then I’ll care. The screen that separates my morals and emotions from my mental functioning lifts. And I notice the damage. And I’ll want to love you, and care for you, and shower you with all the adoration I am able to do. I’ll take all the damage and put in in a box and sit on it, hide it. It’s near bursting at this point, who knows how long this could go on? And then the screen comes back. And I go off to collect more bad things to put into that box. I fucking hate being alive ",-0.7956182065217376,1.2037406927083367,1.1864855072463776,101.42445652173912,89.98958333333334,4.380797101449275,15.639492753623188,5.7926816847441245,-0.9419518115942028,671,14,171,5,23,220,97,192,0.109,0.696,0.195,0.9492,1,0,2,0,1,0,25.0,0,10,0,2,5,17,3,0,10,0,14,6,1,2,3,26,34,15,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,13,14,1,1,2,1,0,5,5,7,0,0,1,2,27,10,20,27,8,25,1,3,2,4,17,12,2,0,8,109,40,0,0.13092378600394314,0.1551232775987542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067230999401752,0.10931589262309774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739643605543522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339421017758142,0.0,0.0,0.112779248858125,0.0,0.0,0.14684215867890982,0.209063979517444,0.0,0.0,0.08443501091796543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825546707796656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727163739460272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115139229615323,0.2420738609657282,0.2052068235212074,0.0,0.1488140094517467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926013344375714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893355662552172,0.0,0.1401566207473701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390457766993034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396274862565339,0.0,0.0,0.11586343068221068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632765694888344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315305403938507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194038268886973,0.0,0.0,0.15333635581770866,0.0,0.0,0.09624404699678954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490575981225002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123765296081175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26322913265260384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716382096003108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079152682329663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843839340875887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697994588498728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722224110345431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SanctifyAU,2018/03/02,"Tactics for self soothing Hey, I am someone who gets myself really worked up and struggle to break out of a negative spiral. Can anyone offer any insight or tips into how they self soothe and avoid things spiralling out of control? ",6.540714285714286,8.265155452380956,6.165238095238099,75.79642857142859,65.9047619047619,7.504761904761906,33.04761904761905,7.793537801064563,2.6777047619047614,187,8,28,2,3,58,38,42,0.171,0.7290000000000001,0.1,-0.5267,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,10,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,8,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147445267944918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208041095560427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541795611222112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498455064018558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229986110970055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6588649375500027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675634787323605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301268895702285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20979342265964013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22989513185496405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,psychopizzle,2018/03/03,"what do you do when you want to explode? or orbit around the world? cause you need that speed, you think? ""This is a place for those who have Borderline Personality Disorder, their family members and friends, and anyone else who is interested in learning more about it."" - i want to learn more. im in that category. and what do you do for sadness? what's the remedy? or for boredom? how do you stop exploding all the time? and imploding? u know what i mean? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbX7ASDLwAk",3.485189393939393,6.69071289772727,3.629090909090909,82.10530303030306,84.79545454545453,7.4787878787878785,23.24242424242424,8.344100000000001,1.9751106060606047,397,14,71,10,12,122,59,88,0.118,0.792,0.09,-0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,6,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,2,1,19,14,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,9,14,3,9,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,2,4,52,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818540301167641,0.26648276363955103,0.0,0.23152639994323276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267173871318746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29807428923867896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726352336177404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451803407794649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20093721472659434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809311024897981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293320322641928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28330343821491033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19284607433204454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270918828829364,0.2717283149552705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743858175515854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664880545937566,0.0,0.0,0.15165477866593002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068039240990999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rolleN1337,2018/03/03,"I am a copycat. First of all, I don't seek a diagnosis. I'm just wondering if you guys ever act the same. Every time I watch a new movie, play an epic video game or find a very charismatic individual, I'll always copy what they do/how they are. I cannot explain it, but these are like mini ""phases"". One example would be: Me on a boring day, decide to watch a documentary about Shaolin monks. Tell everyone I'm gonna practice discipline, meditate and train in martial arts. Next week, I'm back to ""me"". Another example: movie Fight Club (Yes, David Fincher is osum), I always mimick what Tyler Durden does and even try to copy his style in the movie. This is fucking wrong, because the entire point of the movie was toxic masculinity and basically Durden was a manipulative psychopath. This explains why I'm very lonely, there is no ""real"" me. I come off as a fake, unless for some fucked up reason they find my mimicking entertaining to the very least. Anyways, that's all. Sorry for bad english and the messy text. Just wanted to get this off my chest. TL;DR Your average 18yo has no identity, is aware of that and it pisses him off, because he comes off as being insincere.",4.078666666666667,5.874271022222223,5.385444444444445,78.71550000000002,72.1111111111111,8.377777777777778,26.722222222222214,8.998388855275968,2.2084222222222225,920,32,171,19,18,307,153,225,0.194,0.769,0.037000000000000005,-0.9905,0,2,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,2,3,1,8,13,4,0,15,1,15,4,2,2,3,30,29,11,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,1,7,6,0,3,4,10,0,2,2,2,18,3,22,23,5,20,1,1,2,2,14,9,3,4,9,104,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566544600848065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171795048300705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858920523109147,0.12877110722969273,0.1880277813649161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657016907516934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946211464736512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349629953508555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186390025620573,0.13950498910367012,0.12994088542244353,0.14736822382917372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819169987139775,0.13118337432339186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851563332643643,0.08057599324257407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527066108759664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534635416991113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489510891941892,0.16401962217884308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450658697526126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579210607494222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554137003405762,0.0,0.15856858496283407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264182413368234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479910670359532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992961022488072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470838649546152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38175436441666577,0.0909656706910428,0.0,0.12370967930894194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391637222549598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725001056352046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955673789271077,0.16862040024840616,0.0,0.0 bpd,Socialbutterfly96,2018/03/03,My FP is leaving My fp I love so much. They get me out of my toxic house almost on a daily. They treat me like a person. They always ask me who I am what I want to be. I found out that they will be leaving. I’m legitimately freaking out. I hung out with them yesterday it brought up Romantic feelings of which I thought faded. I’m very much lost on what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want them to leave me but I also understand they need to leave. I feel selfish and yet abandoned. Part of me thinks they will use this to get away from me bc they may secretly hate me. But Ik I’m thinking irrationally. Yet it feels so real. I just want them.it makes it harder Bc last night they kissed me and they were very protective. Which isn’t something normal based on there own stuff. Every inch of me wants to reach out and tell them how I feel but the other side is saying no you want them to stay in your life. But they are abandoning me. Idk what to do. What I should do. I don’t want to cut off even though I want too and I don’t want to push them to cut me off. I’m feeling trapped bc Ik I’ll do something. They are my everything at this moment. They are leaving idk how to function with that thought. ,-0.29305232558139593,1.88379843023256,1.5039874031007765,98.63993459302328,89.89147286821705,4.620348837209302,18.14001937984496,6.158741222570753,-0.3712910852713178,937,26,223,9,32,305,126,258,0.157,0.753,0.09,-0.9753,0,1,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,17,1,13,12,3,0,3,0,23,3,0,4,0,49,57,14,0,11,5,0,5,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,17,11,0,3,13,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,6,6,50,4,34,45,4,26,0,3,0,2,26,16,0,2,8,152,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264776158670512,0.0,0.0,0.08197625491838491,0.08529553818855512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583189569940856,0.0,0.09631039738040252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770609941060372,0.0,0.08636809000819556,0.0,0.0921283047971152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591576611467753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123956144766657,0.0,0.0,0.10711324021303607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120622320899124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182813987333246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563361588002522,0.08355835834973374,0.0,0.5427101209011229,0.0,0.0,0.07240500104281361,0.050080624566933095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190047068133023,0.0,0.09251819939530537,0.0,0.06842542382830852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507115340729854,0.07600898057511105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619757005417692,0.10043686494923572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110070472109888,0.0,0.0,0.08950673522705095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667746297074864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151911673013981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783257357833474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092607476929282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734805756043658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959721447911267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136700719369887,0.100714381178238,0.16276108283267668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671528194712218,0.0,0.08853469535544152,0.0,0.16916100065948514,0.4836987963169826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rnarieke,2018/03/03,"I really just need to write this off me trigger warning: selfharm, meds, allround sadness I guess Hi all! I'm kinda new to the whole posting thing, although I was diagnosed with bpd a while ago and have found this subreddit very helpful whenever I feel overwhelmed or misunderstood. I'm 22 years old, female. I tend to usually avoid all types of contact, online included, because interacting with people puts me under immense pressure that I wish to avoid. So I'm usually a lurker! But.... I feel that I need to get a bunch of stuff off my chest. today I indefinitely cut off all friends who might usually listen to me. I also don't feel comfortable sharing about half these things with them in the first place lest I make them worry too much. They don't all have easy lives themselves... A bit of context to my (current) life: after some personal circumstances with a friend I quit university a little over 1,5 years ago and soon after that I stopped being able to work. I was diagnosed bpd in January 2017 and was put on 15mg mirtazapine daily and oxazepam when needed for my anxiety. Now, a year later, I'm at my country's legal limit of 45mg mirtazapine daily and a maximum of 2 alprazolam (xanax) pills when I need them. I spend most my time at home with my patient and understanding parents while I wait for therapy, which I should finally be able to start in May. I have 4 friends who are close to my heart. I talk with them, mostly one of them, online and see each of them irl once every while. Besides this I've just been living in a bit of limbo, been having my ups and downs, mostly hanging around the house and finding things to distract myself from thinking about life too much. I have a sizeable, comfortable bedroom I can retreat to and be left alone in. Allround I dont feel like I'm allowed to complain much compared to many others, even though I've been having a rocky time I guess. Since the start of the new year it seems things have started becoming harder. Mirtazapine does nothing for my bpd Moods, never has I guess, but also recently stopped working against my depression symptoms. Ive stopped being hungry and enjoying most foods (although i gained 20 kilos/like 40 pounds thanks to the mirtazapine anyway) and sleep is so hard. Xanax just seems to make me more impulsive than I already am and I cut open almost every inch of my limbs somewhere in january when I took 4 xanax to dull my mood. that was dumb, I know. it had been ages since I even had any urges. I terrified the hell out of myself in hindsight as I did it laughing like a maniac hoping I'd leave some proper lasting scars. Needless to say, I haven't touched any xanax since. Next best option for me personally was weed which calms me down a bunch and helps me focus on whats happening in the moment only. And the dreamless sleep is so so welcome. But I usually then end up smoking so much I'm out of cash after like a week so that didn't ever do me any good. There was a time I'd turn to alcohol but it's become my biggest fiend since a hangover had me retching for 2 whole days a few months ago.... I get sick just smelling it now. I often forget it, but my parents are here also and they see me struggle, not knowing what to do to help. I somehow managed to have a breakthrough at the end of January and had an extremely honest talk with them about how much I struggle with myself and having these moods and impulses I don't even identify with. They now help me take care of myself a bit better by watching over my pills and money so that I wont be high on xanax/weed 24/7. I now smoke a joint most nights after 10 and while I often find myself living up to it, waiting every minute till I can have it..... At least it's better than being high all the time or feeling anxious all night about whether I'll sleep and what nightmares I have. I figure until therapy starts I can at least have this. To keep myself.... okay. For now. I have still been on edge though and am constantly irritated. Social contact, I've found, has just been harder and harder and I get annoyed when friends ask to hang out cause it's simply too much for me atm. It feels as if they're constantly on my back about it, and it annoys me cause I truly don't feel up to socialising. while actually, this probably only even happens about once a month. And on top of that theyre all endlessly understanding about it when I feel bad. but right now I'm just feeling entirely stuck about the things below First my childhood best friend messaged yesterday to ask how I am and possibly hang out. I kindly pushed her away just saying I've not been so well and I'd let her know when we can hang out. She's always by far the most patient and kind person when it comes to my mental health and it was just a very short conversation. It was objectively fine but I have been feeling extremely guilty for some reason. Then, my bpd friend recently had his birthday so another of my friends and I decided we'd take him out to dinner, which honestly seemed like a great idea when I thought of it. Then today they added me to a chat group to find a date and I panicked so much I told them maybe to wait until after my therapy (this starts in may and ends at least 6 months later lol), which they were super understanding about. Then I just continued and said maybe its better if I don't come altogether, and said I dont wanna talk abt it just before leaving the group. It was super relievong at that moment, knowing i wouldnt get more messages Id just have to deal with. Neither of them have messaged me since, I mean I said I didnt wanna talk ofc, and for the rest of today, I've been glad about that... finally no more contact. But I feel so terrible. Its not fair for me to just act like that. They have emotions too and I just forget. Im slowly pushing them away I also sent a random rant to my best bud today but she said she was feeling awful and didn't feel up to socialising. I know she told me specifically cause she knows I get all up into knots when people read but ignore my messages, it sometimes just ruins my best days. I knew this but I still proceeded to act like a grade A asshole and made her feel much worse. She tried to be kind even when feeling awful and I just shat all over that. This isn't the first time I pull shit like this and it's as if it's getting worse, I'm ticked off by the tiniest things. I'm so angry and hurt at myself, my words and my actions and I want to make myself stop this but I know that whenever I get into that mindset I really dont give a flying fuck and am the meanest, most selfish person ever. So I told her that maybe it's best if we don't speak for a while. She was so kind and understanding about it, too. I've been hurting about this a lot cause shes the only one I can still message without feeling too nervous and I can tell her anything. I enjoy seeing her rant about music and art and just everything and sending me pics of things that excite her and allround being so great. but I'm so afraid of hurting her again this kinda turned into an endless rant... im glad I got this off my chest though and sent into the void. If anybody has any advice or other I'm sure to read all comments but I'll say beforehand I probably won't reply to anything. Thanks so much for reading though if you're still here. Best to you all",4.061500541292915,5.259064543032789,4.901059903082793,84.52388648314259,71.26092896174863,7.655675842870399,26.9943808640066,8.029587711577364,1.5952227755438706,5777,193,1155,78,106,1874,531,1464,0.129,0.726,0.145,0.9919,4,3,2,0,0,0,145.0,3,1,16,20,103,86,9,9,53,4,97,24,7,13,15,248,206,132,0,17,44,2,18,7,8,7,14,9,2,4,76,81,3,12,43,5,4,18,24,30,1,6,48,32,176,53,173,141,54,196,1,8,4,1,102,68,4,39,116,810,252,9,0.06711732127267682,0.0,0.03274841188607138,0.0,0.0,0.0327931347804873,0.08924318352118911,0.035864002379847805,0.03360415108880739,0.034756651656737095,0.03703281650115967,0.10734739514587872,0.027923493977686373,0.0,0.0,0.09128416003287154,0.03518918171072418,0.025672283532705443,0.03791173442608208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523183664101766,0.02987432281556105,0.06274563521757018,0.0,0.06305893270279174,0.02580453857684609,0.02802007988515134,0.020457048043685176,0.07412580820554715,0.028555948489376436,0.0,0.2113064635980441,0.08903972465163387,0.10991209739393737,0.0,0.16906383317944226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03421529108623575,0.13789595452814676,0.0,0.05781562930263848,0.0,0.07252998043055273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432851197434237,0.034597505560221245,0.02890402523209113,0.06812266828325321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02936741007068301,0.0,0.11799150100177735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03774897634364552,0.08916903775680801,0.0,0.0,0.11082589425517604,0.06071145963029601,0.0848238568778404,0.0,0.030160360305011614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714922742826148,0.02397431386393761,0.0,0.07352374478547176,0.09201602356564524,0.08563493878145917,0.040579265648834496,0.07359067849527097,0.1814913657324464,0.03102444100124164,0.12273110569893556,0.032192525180666266,0.0,0.02814741236189097,0.026839926552871398,0.07399708364808501,0.11090594438334177,0.0,0.05935162554307068,0.0,0.030061968337450617,0.0,0.0,0.035671286982709084,0.0,0.039767174432712216,0.0899746513533251,0.07091313492122653,0.0336620728241871,0.033331322066957,0.0,0.03872218870230988,0.10777572086378533,0.0378836430842143,0.0724982243646466,0.0,0.0,0.0298284795008938,0.0,0.13978472362765626,0.1291007357565547,0.02735478743338561,0.0,0.07106755225161518,0.036461582972697484,0.034316004169476805,0.0474069489098942,0.11476546531443513,0.03363459413409063,0.08889873649515281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02853037320395401,0.0,0.031754016108571835,0.06720199968607914,0.03402321464518334,0.1011425555992972,0.03655521949145206,0.03727610670847507,0.0,0.03381923684021056,0.03560043570398947,0.0,0.0,0.08035860825488221,0.0,0.22202529189021547,0.09953328656640002,0.025882507908548943,0.06482232711965231,0.03569001630145019,0.06298505936237354,0.0,0.03220043996264912,0.0,0.035214169163497525,0.07147775668299879,0.04548043390429305,0.07656862087529881,0.0,0.0,0.07452584247384371,0.0,0.0,0.04653069971160611,0.11720851219907236,0.035061657768153225,0.0,0.0,0.03783234758605595,0.032139920419007394,0.0,0.07236382417822104,0.0,0.0,0.06747144580756614,0.0,0.035693766403933805,0.10070322625951236,0.0,0.042997074644510254,0.03450389232119225,0.06627025766279819,0.0,0.0,0.028658912822026487,0.12768788448447116,0.08006158165208,0.0,0.0,0.08022572301816695,0.09165163280452314,0.0,0.0,0.03444748289228978,0.13880035432004725,0.0,0.10074868889912343,0.03420882837696066,0.0,0.0,0.03319037346206925,0.0,0.1187649636193935,0.0,0.10719995893467604,0.11222617179732527,0.0,0.07016559692699889,0.03841663758939407,0.0,0.0,0.03162864049931368,0.03488029778282003,0.050463872743359534,0.10789272096006768,0.029331748554002036,0.06179261193138112,0.11513175931178335,0.0,0.15606418074584388,0.021503034696439327,0.13188485475430364,0.02664182800648408,0.0978416244432448,0.0,0.12723874548821884,0.096200215088486,0.037284906750231765,0.0227841277237353,0.0730043723206959,0.0,0.13974299692864378,0.0,0.0,0.14784049423625387,0.05537881914447357,0.019793767518228325,0.0,0.026918733335265732,0.0,0.030173266145190832,0.0,0.0,0.07493409230321893,0.03859080356138512,0.03234935130983275,0.0,0.04886220924994706,0.034080448852353874,0.0683982843700301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864427087435753 bpd,whutttttt,2018/03/03,"Does the hating yourself ever go away? For any of those that have made progress in therapy, does it ever stop?",3.332857142857143,5.7407425238095255,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,76.14285714285714,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.1634571428571427,87,3,16,1,2,27,19,21,0.22,0.675,0.105,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972883907089288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272572927182032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077638065616524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248518982368034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487924265071605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864288514993307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745141647510197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425494283054705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317721936413365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,objectioning,2018/03/03,"Fiction and BPD I have a question that I know will sound weird. Please excuse the long post. I never related to the FP posts, because I've always isolated myself and I don't maintain any kind of relationship with anyone if I can help it. But recently, I started to think I might have some mechanisms like the ones experienced with FPs, but with various pieces of fiction. I already knew that I obsessively mirror mostly fictional people. My desire to belong is realized almost exclusively with them, and it's the earliest symptom I remember having of BPD. But I noticed that I tend to constantly obsess over any new book, game, or anything else like that for a while at first, idealizing it and excusing every single fault, only to find a single thing I hate and detest it afterwards. I then tend to feel an obligation to finish them, no matter what, as if I couldn't stand not letting them go properly. So this is what I've noticed, and my question is - could this be some unusual manifestation of the attachment pattern? What else could there be there if it were? And, last but not least, does anyone else experience any part of this relationship with fiction that I have? Again, sorry for the long post.",8.159020926756355,7.945785466367713,8.431491031390134,67.71193011958147,62.04932735426009,11.738266068759346,36.07212257100149,11.20814326018867,4.2074248131539616,961,39,162,24,12,317,130,223,0.09,0.8170000000000001,0.093,-0.3049,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,3,2,4,9,1,2,10,0,18,1,0,0,1,43,27,19,0,8,10,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,17,12,0,0,9,2,0,1,6,5,0,2,2,3,22,4,22,17,9,21,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,11,16,125,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470191794177426,0.0,0.12640507026179873,0.0,0.0953119841180276,0.0,0.0,0.23368693809144397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018735393906486,0.11736657348308566,0.09426212817322983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982657112321017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28853497695897923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378422894358855,0.0,0.18291234930315614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024054025908337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870670687841344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965104880980757,0.0,0.0,0.11204859780919997,0.0,0.0,0.05791822505107533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046935576149736,0.09743331704369293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509949762955193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309109648639555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677820107027071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928270302588714,0.06295184000094384,0.0933708033631576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713170447111575,0.0,0.11192340876711658,0.0,0.0,0.20274035109561508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215158878442994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834543358670112,0.11062986275748653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26082422727246823,0.0,0.0,0.0776197706030438,0.08711788458657196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404285318387916,0.0,0.07941222032345346,0.0,0.0,0.1257378176242558,0.0,0.0,0.3291120645910928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25663691347892337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310099214127005,0.2459604559802725,0.12975901834928666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822559011442594,0.08107670433589245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905782245462646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609970058355714,0.07339686441511123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sleekdog107,2018/03/03,"BPD = super powers ? I just wanted to post some of the benefits of having BPD!!! Not everything is bad guys and sometimes it feels like you have super powers lol We are empathetic. The internal and external turmoil borderlines face leaves us poised to empathize with those in similar situations. Behind the scenes, we flock to each other, offering one another a sense of belonging and freedom from stigma. We are creative. High emotional intensity needs a release. Some turn to substances and self-harm to soothe themselves. Once borderlines learn to manage their emotions, however, they’re better able to channel their intensity into creative endeavors. We are intuitive. Borderlines notoriously pick up on other people’s emotional states quickly We are passionate and loyal. I thought this was some great stuff I came across online . I have felt like my BPD was superpowers many times before with seeing others emotions .",6.470269607843139,9.96633077777778,6.494930555555558,65.52906250000001,71.2875816993464,9.838071895424838,33.74550653594771,9.978442167317967,4.674699673202616,751,37,98,23,16,238,110,153,0.014,0.6779999999999999,0.308,0.994,4,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,6,1,2,5,2,11,0,1,5,1,10,2,1,1,0,27,18,5,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,15,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,5,3,14,9,19,13,4,11,0,0,1,1,11,6,0,3,4,68,21,2,0.12719640456651515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337652064681027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106203684815672,0.0,0.0,0.10823477182823599,0.0,0.0,0.11249488333290514,0.0,0.0,0.4805982564908877,0.0,0.0,0.14547880131527852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.572315339877288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431592675287115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431432397316368,0.09086913683736178,0.12212849544375012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402344850773378,0.0,0.12594443831108856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343899849917307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468262672497866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428347666526975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289571899653237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943145222862809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546001962177304,0.08619157560309458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881819714054931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181899524097685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135906626549801,0.0,0.13269359046794085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297408805320178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580049651992664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456094517554895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009797372495498,0.07416924638912463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835316280132867,0.0,0.0,0.15300161341329846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502373495853627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheQuietmindSattvic1,2018/03/03,"Mixed Traits My understanding is that it isn't uncommon for people with BPD to have malignant traits like harming animals, but that it also isn't ""par for the course"". The nature of the highly reactive attachment people with BPD have to things they care about usually causes a more explosive destruction and is relatively less calculated as far as I understand, whereas other cluster Bs tend to be far more purposeful in their attempts to cause suffering or general disdain for innocence and naivety. Is it accurate to say that BPD experience more regret for their actions than other cluster Bs? The capacity to feel in one way and yet to feel nothing in another is promising from a therapeutic perspective - If the neurotic energy is available then it is can at least be processed - there is some social sensitivity in such a person if they can feel shame, regret or empathy. Is that part of why psychologists say that BPD is typically more treatable than NPD or ASPD?",14.497017543859648,10.222114461988307,13.604532163742693,48.28644736842111,53.50292397660819,17.94970760233918,51.89181286549707,15.4700424275458,7.836047953216371,787,40,118,28,6,262,105,171,0.158,0.748,0.093,-0.9441,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,4,1,5,9,1,1,8,0,17,0,0,2,0,22,24,13,0,4,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,12,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,0,5,6,3,26,22,8,13,0,3,0,0,8,8,0,6,4,92,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096070870603296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371969429189005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.690490691716187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397421291420145,0.2815974038810033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407129115251554,0.0,0.0,0.2079054454679324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481175146298236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696074835827184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315130719872898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928756188581032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842296833489796,0.0,0.19004073447100747,0.11967578331413885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179917326893577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971573413775015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105678529713494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28536925017350595,0.0,0.0,0.15095257691883873,0.0,0.0,0.10879210106794568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367561893573426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ho281,2018/03/03,Im in a bad place and need someone who understands I'm tired of people pointing out how good my life is and how my only problem is me. I fucking know that don't I? I've tried to fix myself. I tried keeping my temper in control and not get emotional and paranoid about shit. But no one understands that. My mother tells me I have to fix myself and there's no way I can explain to her that I've been trying for a very fucking long time. I feel like there's something horribly wrong. I don't want to be sick. I feel the need to leave my body at times and leave this brain that only fucks me over. I feel a little floaty. That's what I call it when I feel like self harming and suicide and shit. I haven't cut myself or hurt myself in almost a year but things are getting so bad. The boy I was in love with left and my mother's being difficult. I wish the things that should be easy werent so hard. I've tried for so long and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I don't have access to therapy and mental illness is not socially acceptable where I come from. It's all getting so bad I don't know what to do. ,1.147006466337011,2.8793224016736403,2.9154374286801072,93.50966432103462,80.2133891213389,5.684366679345759,20.905477367820467,6.574015621080383,0.19616987447698708,870,24,197,8,22,289,123,239,0.261,0.6409999999999999,0.099,-0.9851,1,0,1,0,2,4,17.0,0,0,0,2,11,24,9,0,8,0,19,12,4,3,1,42,44,21,1,6,5,2,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,14,14,0,2,11,0,0,1,9,18,0,1,2,6,32,6,20,38,1,20,0,2,0,4,12,12,5,2,9,123,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018987639316266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548981075001785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113033332927793,0.0,0.1135987316975011,0.10390917682325317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765793765030169,0.0,0.0,0.11413341479250552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144672281390521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572666459166906,0.21809385474919324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282228720613254,0.1594974884454778,0.0,0.0,0.08535214949994048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091157708666481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893706463859673,0.0,0.10991915002512573,0.0,0.0,0.09044969423772492,0.0,0.0,0.1118501730123464,0.0,0.0,0.21550003483045524,0.11056343087166427,0.0,0.07187667801697521,0.14914559250229062,0.10199107719008324,0.0,0.18011025052078233,0.0,0.11384433042893825,0.0,0.0,0.09184311487979316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255097419426253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090872024061724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895576659076941,0.15478738132724326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054814110548373,0.0,0.10631840032282523,0.0,0.09619686881229984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737136357286898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615873057633206,0.0,0.2089120429201568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037323430057568,0.0862216142702514,0.07834045237408699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130982283890777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894344373429484,0.0,0.1163723685221714,0.0,0.13521073691143912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867510731612893,0.11695909528905628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27635567358012714,0.0,0.0,0.21187320901959525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396333542099943,0.06002116935872366,0.08077300394220888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701992327201252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125948419618403,0.0,0.06553063302055688 bpd,winooskiwinter,2018/03/03,"How to feel genuinely happy for other people As a person somewhere on the BPD spectrum, I struggle a lot with romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are definitely the place where my BPD symptoms manifest themselves most intensely. My last real relationship was seven years ago, and while I've dated since then, nothing has lasted longer than a few weeks -- and usually ends painfully and dramatically. And of course, the thing that I feel worst at in the world is the thing I want the most -- having a stable, loving relationship with someone who loves me in spite of the crazy. I've found that this makes it very hard for me to feel genuinely happy for the people in my life who have found love. I try hard to be empathic and generous toward my friends, but in this area I find myself feeling overwhelmed with ugly, vengeful jealousy. When they're happy I feel bitter and self-pitying; when they struggle in their relationships I feel secretly happy that they might end up single again, like me. I think that I'm generally good at hiding my jealousy and bitterness in front of my friends, but it makes me unhappy to feel so negatively toward people I care so much about. I would love to know if other folks have any tips for managing those feelings. ",12.121798245614038,9.103774250000004,10.954912280701759,61.64271929824562,56.5,13.992982456140352,42.87719298245615,12.06081838636515,5.122487719298245,1011,40,166,22,9,322,135,228,0.146,0.638,0.21600000000000005,0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,0,8,21,3,3,12,0,10,7,0,3,0,38,31,18,0,3,3,0,10,1,2,2,3,0,0,1,15,10,0,0,14,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,3,12,24,13,30,25,7,31,0,1,0,4,18,16,0,5,15,119,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720161032473173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059225398570678676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937810240754912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879587657111103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427493808079826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522897761771095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960031135890189,0.0,0.0,0.19098328837772585,0.13457379016118787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304845507767994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37084328753383095,0.15603426101207482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786336598780569,0.14198285336470692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061515501554644976,0.042548645729362025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404231900763139,0.3144149358064121,0.0,0.11626888212869745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923906181795107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640224810098932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356691413942399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926717969543429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113542821887624,0.07604518514895238,0.09099237611957398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912951524612268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675199058095383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085572310764277,0.0,0.0,0.0720432224245346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379258464662218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820944813406692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052170881377794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571982075626752,0.0558048975821064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912960342900906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591929413465868,0.07185984151081429,0.05136898975946239,0.0,0.06985977458629528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618675034673814,0.0,0.0,0.05608425248174232 bpd,amiloco0,2018/03/03,DBT around Mn metro area. Can anyone recommend a counselor or location around the twin cities metro with experience in DBT and BPD. ,6.231739130434782,8.980478478260874,5.312391304347828,77.45815217391308,68.56521739130434,9.817391304347826,28.89130434782609,10.125756701596842,3.268234782608696,107,4,18,3,2,32,20,23,0.0,0.894,0.106,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,9,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807710207729623,0.0,0.0,0.7149239816814821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057344292002773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392790047521923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KurtsKiller,2018/03/03,"Dating with BPD? Hey y’all, so after a year of being single I’ve started seining someone again. My main concern is that I’ve had time to reflect on my past relationships and honestly, I was a major problem. I can be obsessive and manipulative, and I don’t want that to ruin my relationship( or any future relationships). Do y’all have any advice? ",4.6020895522388034,6.1249068208955215,6.8957014925373175,69.49071641791046,70.34328358208955,8.942089552238807,31.310447761194034,9.3871,3.127420298507462,275,12,47,6,5,98,50,67,0.135,0.799,0.066,-0.6662,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,9,11,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,8,1,6,7,3,9,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,8,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246952527074222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127349297965781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896020842031845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950428157400695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22002206050339687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7406103215026787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948278891819451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275311092934114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408018889771356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562489906230882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480741808908206 bpd,lady_dont_be_shady,2018/03/03,Can someone with BPD be in a stable relationship with someone who has Bipolar? I recently started dating this guy who turns out has Bipolar Disorder. So far everything has been good and stable. I can’t help but feel like it would be better for people with common disorders to be together because that way they would understand each other more. I understand his anger. He understands my sadness. Any thoughts? Could this be a bad chemical mix? ,4.791930379746837,7.773987987341772,5.289098101265825,74.73086234177218,74.18987341772151,9.013291139240506,32.65981012658228,9.516144504307137,3.9040746835443048,357,18,55,10,8,114,62,79,0.17600000000000002,0.674,0.151,-0.7458,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,1,6,1,0,2,0,13,2,0,0,0,15,20,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,6,3,7,11,2,8,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673933688982165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333463962266793,0.10464651139838753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182536829961876,0.0,0.0,0.2162083736139152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706200188810436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934901388872599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428308530624696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679991155927011,0.1226388237283096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398599945963286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997715954141102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506466326795045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838677460663773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901217094830595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695002929815384,0.1843059400330244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909055103699234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215066718578921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628429440067855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867242249193449,0.0,0.5361336991183929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626114597130234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24389439342284136,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drkongbrown,2018/03/03,"Probably gonna drop out I'm a sophomore at a top 15 school. I managed a 3.5 freshman year, which literally halved last semester. I had 4 papers and two tests this week, and as of now I've only half completed one paper, skipped one test, and bombed the other. How the fuck do you guys manage to study? Oh and also, it wasn't even a motivation problem, cause I copped a bunch of Addy beforehand. The annoying thing is that besides my mental health (and the fact that I'm still a virgin lol) I'm super fortunate, which makes me feel so damn guilty for feeling like dying every other day... ",3.6920306513409926,5.22028168965517,5.000459770114944,82.16829501915711,72.6206896551724,7.914176245210728,25.819923371647512,8.515128840125781,1.7827808429118783,460,15,89,8,9,153,91,116,0.141,0.735,0.124,-0.4674,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,3,6,6,3,0,10,1,4,3,0,4,1,14,12,9,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,2,2,6,2,7,9,1,10,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,0,7,52,15,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749070921128773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468156202459733,0.0,0.0,0.22931954631053836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410537147322777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269926589406042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445984362184142,0.0,0.18427764832287807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211787447723036,0.1562507415347844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219940139508927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656320906306126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23248486168074894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782827172969569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685358123422273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599461661570165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204142677205901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29641522018942873,0.16634336034196767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358128214285988,0.20928165692715586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135225088731467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746668660790871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530518017235758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136537341387436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544076834412367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408459217864833 bpd,HotPizzaMotherfucker,2018/03/03,"My brother has BPD and I need help understanding how to help him because he's looking for it in all the wrong places. My brother is currently on another 72 hour hold for Xanax induced suicide attempts. This is the 2nd time in about a year. We were close all growing up but for some reason he just about refuses to let me in on anything. I always hear from his friends whom I vaugely know that he is hospitalized. I live right down the street from him. I have talked to him and try to be supportive, telling him that I literally do not care a single bit what it is he has to tell me, I'll listen and help him through any problem without judgment. He then promises to keep me in the loop about his condition and he seems relatively upbeat but has a meltdown and has his friends drive him to the hospital. It breaks my heart that he goes to people he's known a few years before his brother. He has told me that his need for attention is overwhelming, and he convinces himself that if his friends don't text back immediately that they hate him, even though logically he knows that's not the case. After visiting him at the inpatient facility, he told me he wants to move away to another big city with a friend. I feel like he keeps thinking that if he changes enough external factors, then everything will fall into place. I tried telling him it's not the car, or the city, or some outside factor, but that he has to start seeing a therapist and taking real steps toward facing his disorder. The disorder is an internal thing and he needs to arm himself with the tools to deal with that. I am starting to think that he uses it as a crutch that will help garner attention but when the time comes to take the steps actual help mitigate it e.g. talking to someone and letting in family, then he avoids it. What should I be doing as the brother of someone with this disorder? I am constantly walking on eggshells. If I suggest he eat something other than pizza or maybe get a little sunlight then I am ""making him feel bad"" and he gets the pissiest attitude I've ever seen. I just want him to find some happiness and I don't even know how to approach it. If he moves, he will have nobody. ",6.9583343539497875,6.480028840375593,7.03441722800572,77.61853337415802,64.58685446009389,10.413390487854665,35.423147581139006,9.867487886160001,3.288313655848132,1730,72,336,32,23,556,218,426,0.076,0.8140000000000001,0.111,0.9326,1,1,1,0,0,1,35.0,1,0,1,1,13,16,1,2,24,0,30,6,3,6,3,75,65,32,1,11,17,4,2,1,4,4,1,2,0,0,27,19,2,5,16,0,0,12,6,6,0,0,4,7,45,10,52,53,9,51,0,1,3,0,72,21,0,11,18,225,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.08292030160219678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707034145799809,0.0,0.0,0.0577837950414345,0.17820085876156952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992462059304247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983388227525122,0.06533813392055414,0.07094797399878201,0.05179807190572437,0.0,0.0723048149483852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276728998179473,0.0,0.10701911352245867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663449898418805,0.0,0.08988898657551413,0.07319575428228048,0.0,0.0918244199661608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760228146994217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921554226114864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694745075368188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779867075757908,0.0,0.1122462562024994,0.07686193395831355,0.0,0.0,0.07636725046768379,0.0,0.08010393008558063,0.0,0.08592867550531394,0.060703931024788285,0.0,0.0,0.07766276273021709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625962676922508,0.0,0.08878860478077792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045415073810743,0.0,0.0838921438282164,0.0,0.0,0.09576948902101276,0.10069209185774798,0.2847743141226731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368018961869758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510538297340179,0.0,0.0,0.14009497598898998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377901715750124,0.0,0.041512970506766285,0.08516415084703671,0.07503173047370024,0.0,0.07135498198169354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056719392496815825,0.0,0.0853656786400051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806233308742846,0.0,0.18901672629781996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890880552117194,0.0,0.17755506721501932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130661744111639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671660689126316,0.0,0.08736524896768688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725655247973792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771159033160211,0.07735521202192204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439928034155654,0.06541550777993499,0.0,0.0,0.12028707391801942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294544978030088,0.09642508718667098,0.0,0.0,0.12777656401939905,0.13659436362615818,0.2228075161396252,0.0,0.0,0.09865890672154606,0.056451544153239074,0.10889310471568947,0.08348444476509152,0.0,0.09909557796338073,0.0,0.0,0.16238855341717562,0.0,0.11538066329247865,0.0,0.0,0.08845872810893794,0.0,0.07338842574145353,0.0,0.0,0.10023723765080296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190986410512449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290341622324404,0.0,0.10943821497763626 bpd,kristie_bug07,2018/03/03,"I'm new... but alcohol. How does everyone feel about it? I don't mind it's numbing sensation. I feel elated. However my boyfriend is overprotective. He always worries when I drink and it triggers a bad time. Like the paranoid taking shroom guarantees a bad trip. It drives me nuts cause I'm okay without him, and I try to hide it. It doesn't happen often, but he always knows. His worrying amplifies my worries. I'm not dependant on alcohol, I just have a curiosity with it. I'm of legal age. But I want to one day be able to experience it like a normal person. But someone behind me saying ""No please dont!"" is interfering. Does anyone else feel this way? I think it's just attempting to be normal. ",0.9808835958509404,3.5723359781021915,3.500937379946219,82.80536688436419,90.67883211678831,6.971801767191702,23.26892047637341,8.032893268588372,1.932278832116788,547,22,103,14,19,189,87,137,0.201,0.649,0.15,-0.873,1,0,3,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,1,8,4,0,4,0,25,20,8,0,3,8,0,3,2,0,0,3,1,0,1,10,3,3,0,5,1,0,2,6,3,0,1,0,4,13,3,10,18,0,9,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,7,60,23,1,0.14289279358992835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30541787974834084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23779650233970145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991396370101527,0.1464105533219849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23861902802322899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467902606483952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215403063963336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500928932161793,0.0,0.16746928987740045,0.1399805378634541,0.0,0.0,0.11936859344159165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654018781131744,0.0,0.1397765711083126,0.0,0.0,0.2167526696613648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635962546087584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785301423876325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962040230848033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428098736927042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800675047050898,0.0,0.0,0.28000919741072544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682785503110017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476847573074094,0.0,0.1568533774611661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363408475948945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210726003041044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743759755204683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155993237430428,0.0,0.0,0.08332193705569366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701482711824642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428187188396187,0.11342164843961915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774355387946047,0.0,0.0,0.43534370421550256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,windofchaos,2018/03/03,"Everything is much easier when my bf is my fp... But then my brain decides that it should be someone else, and it gets tricky because all of a sudden I want attention and approval from someone else, and it makes me feel way less attached to my boyfriend.",10.044489795918366,6.990943755102041,8.895612244897956,74.92260204081633,60.42857142857143,12.248979591836735,42.867346938775505,10.125756701596842,4.1856857142857145,200,9,39,3,2,62,39,49,0.031,0.83,0.139,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,1,11,8,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,3,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874016580432622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34318473285959805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136234320202694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762911597152989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554418501567591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061535824682746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052066381245973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259906150623148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5209554933914888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813255189075969,0.2440173527112009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,evushak16,2018/03/03,"So mental illnesses are funny now, right? Hi. So over the past few weeks I started noticing my BPD-like (I've never been diagnosed, but i really see myself in some of the symptoms. Im not saying I have BPD, I'm just experiencing some of the symptoms) symptoms getting worse. And well I have a best friend, whom I adore and love, but he found a boyfriend and completely changed. He doesn't talk to me as he used to, doesn't want to hang out, but not in the love-over-friend kind of way, he just doesnt seem to care about me anymore. Well thats what I think. And being terrified of abandonment I said and did some thing that weren't very nice, lets say I threatened to kill myself if he leaves me and such. And Im extremely jealous. I always apologize because I know emotional abuse (from his side this time) very well and I feel terrible for doing that, you know. I know that's my and only my fault. But I still dont think Im such a bad person, I don't do these things intentionally, I have these episodes when I just explode and lash out a bit. I try to get help and I try to keep my mouth shut, I really do. We'll the thing is, that he tells his friends and boyfriend about my breakdowns and my episodes. And they all seem to hate me now, they laugh about it and think it's very funny when someone is so damaged mentally that they would rather die then to be left behind. The funny part is, that he has no right to tell these guys about me, because he hurt me in so many other ways. And keep in mind I act this way only like a month. I know I try to sound like its not me who's causing it, but Im well aware it's me. I've always been the type of friend you would have wanted, I would say that other people love me. I have some other friends that would say Im kind, helpful, loyal, caring, etc. It's just that I really dont want to lose him and I don't know how to manage this fear. Never mind, have you ever experienced the feeling when someone is making fun and laughing at your mental state, and you cant do anything about it because for them you are the human garbage and if you said anything it would just prove their point?.... Im sorry this post is all over the place, I just needed to vent, because if I told my friend I would sure see another comments about my breakdowns and how funny it is and how they are sorry for my friend to have such a bitch of a friend. Im sorry fir my English and I hope it makes sense. Thank you for reading this long post, I appreciate it. And thank you for answers.",2.100972779619614,3.685010641074861,3.206073547373933,93.1665732420171,76.94625719769674,6.118321409876112,21.82171523294364,6.7829847944221076,0.30622034548944344,1948,52,440,18,44,626,216,521,0.154,0.626,0.22,0.9912,0,0,0,0,1,1,65.0,1,9,6,2,34,42,4,1,17,0,43,8,1,8,7,93,82,44,2,15,18,0,2,2,7,7,5,7,0,3,38,26,0,3,15,1,0,2,15,12,4,0,8,13,71,30,44,64,11,40,0,4,2,2,56,16,1,10,18,289,109,3,0.0,0.06488081228896905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911282430687244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057419897146232426,0.0,0.0,0.05430650806940287,0.0,0.0,0.09012447078751576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045721725451327515,0.13352303605581792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574665035117697,0.0,0.059782969468361674,0.0,0.13793483451979355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166150501313428,0.05625288185853628,0.057928075090266526,0.0,0.05741408075597953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557953348143955,0.05683150460180138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835497582460847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159683839329265,0.0,0.0,0.06107109079244692,0.0,0.04953291889857784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061619432783823536,0.05537589149364042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060040742419880465,0.33845517438382416,0.0,0.057218944843482715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422031298231852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406346864397901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340800460985951,0.0,0.0,0.05438833731815219,0.0,0.0,0.05862095968142034,0.0,0.4140460602872846,0.0,0.0,0.09734515789822136,0.06058304853930346,0.11404676186130852,0.15047138694871645,0.0,0.0,0.05798218859233404,0.059496136093527364,0.05599509093672786,0.0,0.08025787911344764,0.0,0.0,0.048460254409354114,0.0,0.061261646127268476,0.0,0.0,0.1482672096658515,0.0,0.07310451152699637,0.05551733204740133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555347466381892,0.0,0.1105825591025717,0.0,0.04370834819577056,0.0,0.0,0.04060332465423186,0.08446749084492099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062343822240822674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329382538513982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929898207701145,0.0522739448485017,0.03796320149678845,0.04781370571827343,0.05721181013453944,0.0,0.05176523515511307,0.0,0.10488853875139008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547741153483804,0.0,0.10524062298346558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352828037272012,0.10417726183845746,0.17418716246821628,0.0,0.0,0.08727213952768889,0.09970161420976634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279474879503223,0.0,0.0,0.18389564835479966,0.0387589120523557,0.0,0.04373084508408395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160998909480973,0.17074762871019894,0.0,0.044013448446189714,0.09572407786775372,0.10083000652486444,0.0,0.0,0.10913893058266327,0.10526263873522766,0.0,0.0,0.031930586271287295,0.0,0.0,0.0523248546597384,0.0,0.11153390390417638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472944506225573,0.0,0.13554646391733502,0.09689535588320307,0.1303961426669233,0.04392460478689565,0.0,0.19694073625983152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580440155999666,0.23339659954955516,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emilylengriffin,2018/03/03,"2 years.... It’s been just over 2 years since I moved to Massachusetts and I still get really upset fairly regularly that I can’t see my therapist and psychiatrist in Florida anymore. I still consider them MINE. Yes, I have a good team here in Massachusetts but I just don’t connect with them the same way I do as the mental health team I had in Florida. Why can’t I get past this? It’s literally the only thing I miss about Florida.",2.522672413793103,4.592423609195407,4.927112068965517,79.1072198275862,77.27586206896551,9.40747126436782,24.66810344827586,9.827888789773867,2.5477827586206896,342,12,70,11,8,120,57,87,0.053,0.895,0.052000000000000005,-0.012,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,6,3,0,1,4,1,7,1,0,0,0,7,11,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,14,1,8,9,1,11,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,5,47,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24255796372304386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555662523887431,0.0,0.0,0.20514237428083446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25997745054509713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464794437431041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599501809916177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601435992075235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334795969945097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668442033498045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489885472415666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231937394562446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906443302127755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28397661071316577,0.16248830147091506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941364793221931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069570311158235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150034234573661 bpd,oblivionrecurs,2018/03/03,"So recently got diagnosed with borderline disorder and not sure what to do/think about it But a lot makes sense about my behaviours, sense of self, manipulation, and failing relationships. How did y'all react to your diagnoses? Beginning to take dialectical behavioural therapy. First therapy I've taken seriously",7.589411764705888,11.158902058823534,8.286039215686277,53.823176470588244,67.62745098039215,14.276078431372547,39.61176470588235,12.340626583579946,7.3974988235294115,259,15,34,13,5,86,45,51,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.8709,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,4,1,11,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,3,1,7,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,22,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4748259690144937,0.0,0.0,0.2680802874752715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896310490624733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870786106139352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19886129601654048,0.0,0.0,0.15613625353984445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309571843306225,0.25113101704238444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440183815129235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045671803771108,0.0,0.17587066008599314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5349912694969022,0.0,0.0,0.1498796148740857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,taww1,2018/03/03,"Talking to my sister(who has BPD) about what her mom did to me Hi there, first time poster, not sure if this is the right place. My step-sister(21) was diagnosed w/BPD when she was 15/16 and has gotten better. That being said she's still a very difficult person to be around. She's very insecure and translates that to appering very arrogant as to not show any weakness(which, with her family I can uderstand). I've been slowly coming to terms with some of the things my stepmom did when I was a kid, some of it are: 1-made me sleep on ridicously thin matress(you could feel the floor when you laid down), with no sheets on the middle of summer close to a river infested w/mosquitoes. The only thing I had was my blanket(and then I used to protect myself from the bites) 2- as a kid I had a vaginal discharge(pretty normal when girls are learning how to clean themselves). She took me to a gynecologist who then put some sort of instrument inside me and I felt terrible unconfortable. Then she wouldn't let me wash my clothes with the rest of the family(not even socks) or share the soap. 3-I had to give birthday/christmas/easter present to my step-siblings and they didn't have to give me. Then she'd criticize them and sometimes even go to the store with me to exchange it. The more I think about those things the more angry I am. I can see how these events helped my anxiety and depression progress. The thing is, by my stepmom narrative everything was my moms fault or wasn't that much of a deal. My stepsister seems to be on board about it(but I'm not sure if she actually has stopped to think about it). I've been distancing myself from that side of the family and I know my dad/stepsiblings are hurt by it. I'd like to talk to my sis and explain all the things her mom did to me but don't know how. She's very impulsive, quick to anger, very ""family first"" kind of person, really loyal.she loves her mum very much and I can agree that, as a mom, she's very good. I've always been kinda submissive to my sis and we aren't that close anymore. I don't know how I can this to her, I don't wanna look like a brain washed puppet from my mom. How can I express how badly her mom screwed me up?",4.808411104080988,5.60229385091743,5.050512496045557,85.63096330275232,69.20642201834863,8.857829800695981,27.190446061372985,9.035553425615538,1.8836967099019304,1733,53,361,31,29,546,212,436,0.098,0.8390000000000001,0.063,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,1,1,2,4,20,18,2,1,24,0,42,7,2,7,3,58,63,32,0,6,8,9,3,2,0,1,3,1,1,5,21,20,0,2,10,1,2,4,11,9,0,2,20,6,59,9,55,36,10,36,0,2,2,2,46,14,1,10,20,249,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.07540522967991439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429555986342947,0.0,0.0,0.05254684622084193,0.0,0.0591120095510612,0.0,0.07663194686891668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878746307687067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451795484739313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833981152379102,0.0,0.0,0.1946399296523552,0.0862598539580217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656201866858279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061694507848133184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966288143060128,0.06655329329807498,0.07842831380919763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020733712506872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944608196392148,0.0,0.2185323182498044,0.0,0.039070477237611576,0.0,0.07419215979460242,0.0,0.0,0.13145313732883185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825053279954808,0.04391482021543985,0.06481114569547661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05179304018062415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827200721867534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046572783098745,0.12739815988768688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790147071894153,0.0,0.0755012949850461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488807567232982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973998352091673,0.07311557232932445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429923047998102,0.0,0.0,0.11360597127223622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570905348605028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058767984062476686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493989897218725,0.08073162039624368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861226148456156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767857393596744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950170256214317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659889069198096,0.07350229906102003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061574884826654575,0.07034450450306824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773266812939185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642287335264439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061708622339215626,0.06460191329212292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565377457760434,0.0,0.0,0.12421480823387805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25667668655392645,0.09902411608483587,0.0,0.0,0.045057269885729806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585078772296739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673722830182083,0.0,0.4462959630016878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,indiiety,2018/03/03,Somatic Memory? So im very early on in my stages of recovery and im struggling quite a bit. I find that whenever something triggers me (which happens 3 to 4 times a day) it builds up and becomes such a physical sensation almost like butterflies but not quite. Its in the base of my spine and it is so uncomfortable :( i find i get angry and then feel this feeling and immediately dissociate. Its such a difficult cycle.. ,2.560944444444445,5.27200865,4.986666666666668,75.14277777777781,81.25,9.055555555555557,28.88888888888889,9.444778638647367,3.4542222222222225,332,16,59,11,9,116,59,80,0.217,0.742,0.042,-0.9507,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,13,5,9,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,1,7,5,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21652950209553715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238816095975154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360741252877763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394545781177457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186712246421678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952722728575155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297458518653335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912171191802892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671447995517446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564217411552447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599880203450478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646933183490106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260572172570008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608917373884007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784176619177501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RueRueeRueee,2018/03/03,Are there any males here who have been diagnosed with BPD? I'm a 21 year old guy and trying to explain to people that I've been diagnosed with BPD seems almost impossible. How do you deal with the stigma attached to the illness? Do you even let people know that you've been diagnosed with it? I've ruined so many friendships and relationships and it feels like i'm unable to explain myself. I'm just sorry for being the way i am :(,4.576666666666668,5.654371162790699,5.504651162790698,81.12620155038762,69.93023255813954,8.058914728682172,25.96124031007752,8.344100000000001,1.6451379844961245,344,10,66,5,6,113,55,86,0.119,0.821,0.06,-0.6324,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,10,4,0,1,0,15,18,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,1,9,13,0,3,0,1,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807093772719789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272221719529025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4545780658516109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18605123124308912,0.0,0.5495037620964869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919526420135385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124839906331084,0.12892405219300815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786884733735223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991787060654955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184537431924422,0.0,0.0881659603579159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182962929641445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893673958276326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250223067581506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375160255075116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428832900530058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20201551077526386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252371802996675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324451720118786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621338108997392 bpd,whispree,2018/03/03,"The abuse will never end and I need to remember that. I'm a borderline who has been raised by one, I have recently decided to make amends with my mother, who is completely oblivious to her problem. I tend to sympathize with her because I do understand how she feels, I feel blessed to have been to a therapist and know why I have the thoughts that I do at such a young age when she has gone her whole life not understanding why people run from her. Anyways I just got off the phone with her while she is completely spinning out, I want to instinctively blame myself for not being enough for her, but I need to remember that this is never gonna get better, remember to protect myself and continue to love her. Sorry this was so long just needed to get it out there. Also I apologize for my grammar I know it's awful. ",6.412953761214631,6.137694298136648,6.997846790890268,76.75355417529329,65.64596273291926,11.130710835058663,32.795721187025535,10.746095033038511,3.3929787439613524,646,24,127,16,9,213,96,161,0.091,0.8190000000000001,0.09,0.2078,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,6,1,15,2,0,2,2,33,35,9,0,5,5,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,11,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,6,2,26,3,23,26,2,16,1,0,0,1,16,4,0,0,10,100,35,0,0.0,0.16743409314136526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300882964848467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086143759868157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498083207863518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29633027718911403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516234274195506,0.1460152343942444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290530354085448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476615628316227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302178999199433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532506039086846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981432350980213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505852599828754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754148680319574,0.0,0.09432825484327496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143478296045439,0.21798028154389248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575808710485964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796939944351447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521850275213804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953061923485094,0.0,0.4802439617585579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818955830265916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640765545278246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218760543253203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942259104287938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335071376550499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502797906282154,0.15777213895969242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mansonfamily,2018/03/03,DBT audiobooks or podcasts? I love to listen to people's voices and find it most effective for learning things and very relaxing. I was wondering if anyone has any recommendations for some audio DBT? Thank you ,4.96283783783784,8.175017648648652,5.87695945945946,69.40300675675678,75.21621621621622,9.105405405405406,28.16891891891892,9.516144504307137,3.530789189189189,171,7,25,5,4,56,32,37,0.0,0.6829999999999999,0.317,0.9318,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,10,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,3,4,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,17,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724988158347577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28018808806731865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662447380492185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616594390064011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27780417909984473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3689230107956198,0.0,0.0,0.2662161410957978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33063047595030925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43455652966646413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thebirdsareoutlate,2018/03/03,"I finally finished grad school. I have an engaging, interesting job making 6 figures. I still feel nothing. I’m still empty, still sad, still hopeless... Almost all of the problems that consumed every fiber of my being 6-12 months ago as I was finishing school are completely gone. I don’t fret anymore about ‘what I will be when I grow up’. I don’t toss and turn at night wondering how I will pay for my meds, my next psych appt, and still fill my fridge... I always knew those were superficial problems. That inside I was torn up for other reasons. That I had always been this way even when things were good. Now they’re “better” than they’ve ever been, on paper at least.... and it doesn’t help at all. Not even one tiny bit. I’m bored constantly. I only work about 20-30 hrs a week at most. I don’t have any friends because I’m terrified of being myself around people after so many years of just failing at being a good person. I’m falling down a deep dark abyss and I can’t even articulate why other than I’m just a broken person. Where do I even go from here? 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Help? I've never posted to reddit but I'm an avid lurker. I felt desperate enough with my situation that I really wanted to reach out for help. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. It's been the best relationship I have ever been in. But there was a period in our relationship where fighting became a constant. Mostly because I felt either insecure or depressed and I would pick fights over small and trivial things as a way to gain reassurance and attention. I feel like I recognized this pattern and have improved significantly. Only the problem now is that he's been distancing himself. And as (hopefully) many of you can relate to, this has been sending my anxiety, insecurities, general fears of being unwanted and abandoned through the roof. I have literally cried every single day for the last week because my feelings of sadness and frustration are overwhelming me. Before all the fighting and arguing, he really was the most amazing, affectionate, and attentive boyfriend and now there's this wall up that I can't break. He's finding new things to occupy his time when he used to use that free time to spend with me. Plans of the future that we would excitedly talk about, he evades entirely. It's almost like the person I fell in love with has been replaced with someone who is cold and wants less of me. I know that I am at fault for being unappreciative. He has told me a few times that he feels like he can never make me happy. He says now that he feels the same and still wants the same things but I can be a little obsessive which worked out well when he was equally as invested. Now that he is pulling away, everything in me is telling me to cling tighter. Logically I know that will push him away further. I guess what I'm asking is: what do I do? How can I get the relationship I had before I went and screwed it all up? I know I need to address problems within myself, but how do I handle this situation? I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to lose myself in the relationship either. I want a happy and healthy relationship with someone I deeply love. Side note: I've been looking into the DBT skills workbook as a tool for self-improvement. Have any of you had any experience with it?",5.0867201834862374,6.625928256880741,5.908153669724772,76.97168004587158,69.18348623853211,9.211467889908258,29.90940366972477,9.595489714322824,2.8147972477064225,1824,71,336,41,32,598,215,436,0.173,0.665,0.161,0.5537,0,0,0,0,5,0,43.0,2,2,0,7,16,36,7,5,23,0,43,3,0,6,5,80,73,28,0,13,7,0,6,3,0,3,0,1,1,1,25,26,0,1,13,0,3,5,5,20,1,0,17,9,47,17,51,50,14,50,0,6,1,3,43,21,1,7,24,239,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015891372940658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876611547877728,0.0,0.0611776359516624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476213839735094,0.0,0.15027087183253865,0.0,0.0,0.09749922216836393,0.0,0.1360989503494621,0.0,0.08392468533730536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864202970629536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784444555980174,0.051574712752251714,0.0,0.06887894997473906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263147440951572,0.0,0.0,0.07233839503651046,0.06737906050153854,0.0,0.07187282504730587,0.0782270341771194,0.0,0.08998966686717727,0.16174306717389564,0.11426267117144932,0.15356950226708255,0.0,0.07309209280438057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04178157402893326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809712988348742,0.0,0.0,0.1702613439920488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720582098509164,0.0,0.0,0.07942929909612974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184999640027747,0.06518708104025113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172094496588968,0.08015200333448752,0.0,0.0,0.06715554252400557,0.17893430295174848,0.0,0.0,0.1443539935630892,0.0,0.0533812982495448,0.08107809485730398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929752180862975,0.12335721084787835,0.07723654043111419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060821588741314436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982763804996013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659016185313318,0.0,0.0,0.15304299303027735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024630074779754,0.0,0.0,0.5151538896261542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359619041790626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342724835900116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978162638982914,0.0,0.0,0.1355184258249219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386498549480257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427770241319197,0.06989822438570313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938764058133595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989529073600038,0.0,0.0,0.0764157673476583,0.0,0.05429509492535448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813862490819273,0.0,0.0,0.2830139909757532,0.0634772987959185,0.06414795419997517,0.0,0.07190357995818587,0.07413396647488554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058219878365689565,0.0,0.0,0.11361828183370465,0.0,0.0,0.0514987355863073 bpd,MMMMCCXVI,2018/03/04,"How to be a friend to someone with BPD? I'm looking for some help. My friend, 27 y/o male, has BPD. He was recently hospitalized after an overdose and spent the mandatory 72 hours in the hospital. He still wants to kill himself and has a plan to do it. We have been friends for 12+ years and he has only recently been diagnosed with BPD and the manic behaviors, impulses, love/hate, self-mutilation, etc. have been more apparent than ever. I know he's eventually going to commit suicide. He has tried many programs, therapists, medications and nothing has helped him, so he has a plan and is only here temporarily. How can I be there for him? I am not mentally ill myself, but I feel like I'm in a blender lately, spinning around and being chopped up by our friendship. Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond. ",3.9340749756572535,5.842417246835447,5.2069620253164555,79.3785929892892,72.73417721518987,8.659006815968842,30.508276533592987,9.265573868473778,2.8704775073028235,647,29,121,15,13,215,107,158,0.035,0.82,0.145,0.9277,1,0,0,0,0,2,27.0,2,1,0,2,8,6,1,0,9,0,19,3,0,2,2,22,29,12,2,1,2,0,1,1,3,0,3,0,1,1,1,12,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,2,12,5,19,21,3,14,0,0,1,0,19,4,0,1,10,80,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452767906246424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285423595009494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419807542622678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600921762372574,0.0,0.12653436877767887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073027020673121,0.09993417025794904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242253798268439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950010646217441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752449346982056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775895852869194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476248878537904,0.0,0.07687736717330566,0.0,0.157796843991791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834094913626508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746851971085047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262520508425959,0.0,0.0,0.1418218575251462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091984150312287,0.1409715995028862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422383088296327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127783270710799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399232725443539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27623994788330936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459309983949305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852446035640148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171267516374644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530119424927084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517642505290196,0.0,0.0,0.12878769829410633,0.0,0.16241775145909482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156831191013376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497301620579744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250804358527768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008162258746633 bpd,daveebubbles,2018/03/04,"anyone else feel all too much or not enough? its definitely not an every day thing but ive noticed it a lot more lately, i feel either way too sad/angry/anxious than necessary or i dont feel anything at all my positive emotions are outweighed by negative and i dont feel like i can properly connect to the world because of this its a really uncomfortable feeling and ive found myself all too caught up in anxiety over whether or not i can truly recover and pull myself out of these bi-weekly apathetic ruts",4.976757142857141,6.1766769900000025,6.501428571428572,73.89500000000002,69.1,9.714285714285717,32.285714285714285,9.957137785484203,3.396071428571428,409,18,73,10,7,140,73,100,0.201,0.732,0.067,-0.9197,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,3,23,14,8,0,0,9,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,5,10,1,10,12,8,11,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,3,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688816934667112,0.0,0.0,0.13425881151603974,0.1967383352064504,0.15800899369777466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704834646071502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383144629426973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45007178159115424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604008578397194,0.21598694260153894,0.0,0.19839906883653044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617778571435736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4854335794468452,0.13717295815660538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053055197405407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165971841489182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938070545045218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324119688718966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115044703914748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860621270710195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300739772035195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275638195629528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240968484907194,0.15401993576890435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lifeizunfair,2018/03/04,"Blessings of having BPD BPD is a blessing and a curse. Usually I hate that it’s a part if me, but today I am feeling a little grateful for the positive aspects of it. What? Positive aspects? Yes, I believe having BPD can often times feel like you have super powers that other ‘regular’ people do not. Things like, Super good memory: I remember the teensiest details that happened months and often times years ago that others do not. Although I sometimes have trouble remembering the whole picture, I remember the small things like the weather, what people were wearing, scents, music, the tone of other’s voices etc. I always freak my friends out with my crazy memory and I 100% credit my BPD for this. I treasure memories like keeping old photographs in a decorated box on a special shelf. My good memory also makes me an awesome gift giver, seriously. I can remember something someone casually mentioned wanting months before christmas or their birthdays. I hate to brag but I am definately the best gift giver of anyone I know. 😎 Super empathizing: People with BPD take empathizing to a whole new level. Often times I can walk into a room full of strangers and know exactly how each and every one of them are feeling within seconds. I’m great at reading a room. I always know when something is wrong with someone, and because I experience extreme and varying emotions daily I am a great person to talk to about issues. My friends tell me I am the “wise mom” of the friend group and I agree. It seems like everyone around me is barely learning emotional intelligence and how to process negative feelings but Inon the other hand am a seasoned vet when it comes to matters of the head and heart. Super loving: When people with BPD love, they love *hard*. Even though it also means that our hearts get broken easily and just as hard, I wouldn’t have it any other way. More than twice a week I just need to cry because I love everyone in my life so *goddamn much*! We feel love on levels I truly think neurotyicals do not. This is the biggest blessing because my heart has stretched enormously as I grow older. And it only keeps getting bigger. I put out a lot of love into the world and I believe it causes me to receive a lot of love back. My super loving heart causes me to see the best in people, to see the nuanced beauty of the world and to have my breath taken away by the smallest moments. I am a great friend and partner, I would literally do anything for the people I love. My heart is my greatest quality. What are your BPD blessings?",3.7020432955791023,6.2551720231092505,4.782206795761784,79.20716660577276,75.61764705882355,6.82820606503471,28.415052977712822,7.893859768569023,2.2048203872853493,2017,86,334,32,46,659,238,476,0.084,0.5529999999999999,0.363,0.9996,1,0,2,0,0,0,51.0,2,2,3,8,18,47,2,0,34,1,30,19,9,5,1,71,66,32,0,5,10,1,8,5,5,2,1,1,2,2,25,27,0,2,16,2,1,5,5,6,0,3,2,12,53,41,47,62,13,51,4,0,2,9,30,26,0,8,24,246,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046832242129663734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449921332535454,0.08792065317293768,0.0,0.0,0.03592746568913624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036941253816851566,0.0,0.04347610615365418,0.04703154227658992,0.0,0.0,0.04963725667755008,0.040624427020406764,0.0,0.09661740544153737,0.0,0.04495600810494923,0.119046793085991,0.11088752189613416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657790075023638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854571424432566,0.0,0.04550995566631435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803329998388671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885742734756713,0.0,0.0,0.0589214716715911,0.034894934778492696,0.0,0.04451310729778898,0.1009661822492026,0.0,0.051679681194640746,0.0,0.0,0.133566839055672,0.03774308000235894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327100687733512,0.0,0.055204916007338886,0.0,0.0,0.08862568853178024,0.0,0.17474188399643786,0.0,0.0,0.046719025283801056,0.0,0.09465391021642568,0.10432101653465588,0.05422071406418481,0.0,0.0,0.3130299483438693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055142719127087014,0.0,0.09391874107766857,0.0,0.0,0.0871049995843238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037316693931861336,0.12905485201054254,0.0529513872411343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983148918841538,0.4291452181774088,0.0,0.035265666202380565,0.0,0.0,0.05754936644276746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618760173165968,0.0843397478778174,0.0,0.038837484345020185,0.039174142992098385,0.0,0.05102532427625195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543813314105809,0.0,0.03580022488096758,0.04018099815449793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721173876653506,0.0,0.21976169141873966,0.04613072847458408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053110595603329966,0.0,0.0,0.05284614117675477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393927217845137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420027921845859,0.04809612667012654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952850017008569,0.08134506948239703,0.05225204475075236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039722971781196416,0.04246423507654031,0.04617736042690426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019825936354444,0.033852512461764836,0.051907018615230685,0.0,0.09242001952290174,0.0,0.05007841076930068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058186812281838,0.0,0.03116159049341332,0.04193545875000754,0.04237851859290837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796973447314425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037530226249879534,0.05776332787368413,0.0,0.034021975459295944 bpd,jaymoen1,2018/03/04,I wish i could travel through time and see what will happen.. This thought would not leave my mind “what’s the point of anything when i’m just going to end up killing myself?”. ,2.9741904761904756,4.846555942857143,2.4457142857142853,98.30761904761906,75.28571428571428,4.666666666666667,23.095238095238088,3.1291,-0.2449047619047615,138,4,30,0,3,40,32,35,0.121,0.772,0.106,-0.3720000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,4,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493138335815921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418923691727985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683364763505708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721816134729354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26791036100459925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351851489259604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207954863110963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059076130624465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863992234295944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414233501777155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24051984065238166,0.17666094019173156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483940336591279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152171712083172,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,julsmcool,2018/03/04,"Will it ever go away Why do I always feel like I'm bad. I've been in recovery for bpd for close to a year. And every once in awhile I get really down and can't get over the feeling that all I do is hurt and let down every one. I just want to do good, but it feels like i never do. Does anyone else get like this?",0.139166666666668,1.1697634722222219,2.6927777777777813,97.13,80.94444444444444,5.911111111111111,14.777777777777779,6.42735559955562,-0.8320722222222225,238,2,63,2,6,83,51,72,0.062,0.763,0.175,0.7311,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,3,13,18,4,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,3,5,4,10,15,1,11,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,6,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055244598378787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491730199813956,0.1977032649547085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812857999548798,0.0,0.16110778851017285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430176893876976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688545682293498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118756552032087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745371361957628,0.3251426370066413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926886724173487,0.2756914829293253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024301108594122,0.0,0.10965969991556876,0.16183991539264886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20656029669465215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973076295610432,0.0,0.2828014316355797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881733483040915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548876652148,0.13075002207054134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361070412320238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380874445101655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411017126185502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425547763950626 bpd,6991sh,2018/03/04,"Does anyone else ever think life isn't real? I often get thoughts, maybe it's from dissociating, that life isn't real. Like the fact life, reality and consciousness is such a crazy concept that I get overwhelmed. Sometimes I believe I'm actually in a coma and I'm going to wake up soon, or I'm in a simulation, or I create my own reality. Don't know if this is common around borderlines but it creates my idealisation of suicide as I think there is something more after death.",3.6783064516129045,5.742475473118278,5.945900537634412,73.13885080645163,73.83870967741936,8.090860215053763,28.829301075268816,8.841846274778883,2.57364623655914,381,16,68,8,8,134,64,93,0.16699999999999998,0.775,0.058,-0.9181,0,0,1,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,0,6,5,1,0,2,17,16,7,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,9,15,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,5,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.19710531581034385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141230525091829,0.20695444919516331,0.0,0.17980682097398992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756457024156546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767558273253492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873006041154326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270430128592086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105453848483585,0.0,0.1147910369620476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110040362138965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279976233197345,0.09867821273994118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029180878818314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4597995177794256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549562737620942,0.19976538300127067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093554748473465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588438461973249,0.0,0.1603511627144392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,threedifferentwords,2018/03/04,"Rough day I don’t know exactly why I’m writing this. Mostly to stop from writing to my FP (who’s life I am slowly ruining by being in it). I don’t know why some days or moments are harder than others. I don’t know why I’m so dependent on certain other people. Why them? What did they do to deserve all of this *gestures to self* Well anyways I guess I just wanted to say that I am really thankful there is a place here for us to just be ourselves, whatever that may be, even if we don’t know who we are at all. Thanks for listening to me ramble guys :) I hope you are all having a decent day (even if it’s a rough one) ",0.4548909299655577,2.2154231343283577,3.0479104477611965,91.56970723306546,82.58208955223881,5.914121699196326,20.755453501722158,7.010146845296331,0.43441630309988577,476,14,108,6,13,166,84,134,0.032,0.8340000000000001,0.133,0.9195,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,1,2,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,17,1,0,1,5,26,29,4,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,11,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,1,4,16,5,16,24,5,9,0,1,0,0,14,4,0,9,5,81,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143428098655997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146223195564117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789811186585238,0.16087272799964095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137125948699524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571612360441152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475871012043065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100951664384558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263756058324505,0.0,0.16974855849951054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408366154367818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920417859777344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949362888035807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583378611534067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29916459942173723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954336949548069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583013803031222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608175310011892,0.0,0.5864224871292245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LosingFaithInMyself,2018/03/04,"Nobody fucking cares Nobody cares about me. Nobody. I don't have friends like... at all. If I sent my FP a text right now he wouldn't respond (and no that's not me assuming things, he actually wouldn't respond). I'm a thousand miles away from everybody that I know and I can't help but wonder if anyone would notice if I never came back.",2.3408695652173925,4.12321026086957,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,76.82608695652173,6.339130434782609,23.09420289855073,7.1686216300943375,0.7863507246376811,264,8,55,3,6,87,48,69,0.057,0.848,0.095,0.325,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,2,16,14,6,0,6,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,7,1,0,1,2,0,8,4,4,9,1,9,0,0,0,1,7,4,1,5,4,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.24734679619445896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17722970972501706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814017347985444,0.1949001364238335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28989821642270724,0.5168520941096848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195827632833224,0.23432574721722504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989329000426975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392985907522648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383095643602528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19548903412260485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885733545878765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164590543689701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839191750074153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27487366841017913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005536945652206,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alkitcat,2018/03/04,How do I survive while it’s the time of the month Okay so I technically have two questions so one is is it true that when you get around the middle aged mark the moods get easier. And second every time I have a period I struggle to cope and everything is just too overwhelming. I take 40 erm mg I think of fluoxetine and before I was on my meds I tried going on the pill (I have really bad irregular periods it’s a nightmare) they helped with my mood but made me feel ill so I stopped taking them. A few weeks ago I stopped taking my meds because I thought they weren’t working but turns out they were just helping to keep my symptoms mild 😂 my parents are in charge of my medication (due to many suicide attempts) but they’ve been so busy with work and things that I took advantage and hid my meds and stopped taking them (im back on them now) but good gosh it’s so hard to cope all I want to do is die. I have a very supportive girlfriend but it’s hard because I’m trying to not hurt her (she’s sensitive) so I try and distance myself while I’m on a downer just so I won’t hurt her but it ends up hurting her more and I’m just stuck and I want to rant thanks for reading 😅,1.4317826086956522,3.232614940000005,3.1395304347826105,91.91359130434786,79.6,6.4278260869565225,22.869565217391305,7.423996415210882,0.7581913043478257,925,30,210,13,23,307,139,250,0.168,0.7120000000000001,0.12,-0.9402,2,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,6,5,17,14,0,2,10,1,16,4,0,2,2,38,38,26,2,2,11,1,3,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,9,13,0,4,4,1,0,2,3,6,0,3,8,3,38,6,21,29,3,29,0,4,0,0,16,9,0,1,18,134,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719110311652576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760471135414572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430800440129338,0.0915465708191966,0.1336736087233905,0.0,0.0932973485945474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379118590633262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711035399544687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237819512117916,0.0,0.09853924656576042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543833836384133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456694021510305,0.0,0.06231213014073849,0.09196258860527028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964355651125229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698157224766975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521223959063384,0.0,0.1184322788919179,0.0,0.0,0.09745493311404167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374600273776416,0.0,0.11115987683755958,0.0,0.0,0.3653629564910405,0.11045287728429368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751527537502495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429632214420552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174457288944975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282424084603638,0.0,0.10967176720260367,0.0,0.07023953456049686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27499710635163865,0.0,0.11462172510708413,0.0,0.11993065793225433,0.12442055178394985,0.0,0.11396011946638865,0.3297488457453722,0.0,0.0,0.10094371157159107,0.0,0.0,0.0728413370164203,0.07025422827964191,0.0,0.08704357747534226,0.12786637636826095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181640346093532,0.22331935926990906,0.11925911646506868,0.10710439665507196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046621225693996,0.12933949848204834,0.0,0.08794827629830873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964150415763606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LSHeisenberg,2018/03/04,"psychosis/delucional/no selfreflection I was fighting with my bf about a misunderstanding last night, I just couldnt let things go. Let it be a disagreement, i dont know why... I dont think I understand how I talk, how aggresive I sound ect even when I think I am calm, my voice is shiviring. I allways conclude the worst, thats whats the problem with delucions. He can say ""you're having an episode"" and I freak out and say ""dont call me crazy ect"" ",1.9913333333333327,4.2372185777777815,3.256666666666668,89.525,79.8888888888889,6.666666666666668,25.555555555555557,7.793537801064563,1.3432222222222214,352,14,76,6,9,114,64,90,0.214,0.733,0.053,-0.9211,0,0,0,0,3,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,5,0,12,0,0,3,0,15,17,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,1,4,14,1,4,12,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920597940367513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.661316361480201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423094294820188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068952550095796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336873916471516,0.15331755542493186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38466728239275416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765086888949396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799756730311989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991516813950073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117873120038494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495790591691525,0.24103954175508915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580717570030226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972097471657613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Luncyq,2018/03/04,"My BPD girlfriend physically abused me I went out with some friends and my girlfriend tonight and it was actually very fun and normal. We’re very close in real life and almost never fought irl until tonight. Online she finds something to fight about every day which gets resolved but that’s not the problem right now. So tonight we were very, but I mean VERY drunk. A friend dropped us off at my house where my parents and sister are sleeping and it was all fun until a few hours later when she fell asleep and my paranoia kicked in. I’ve been cheated on 3 times before I met her and they all had the same trait: their phone is the most important thing which they shield off me anytime. She had that since the beginning as well. Tonight I finally went in and searched some messages. I didn’t find too much until some guy I was worried about had sent some odd messages like: I wanted to tell you something this a while ago on discord (basically a public skype with open rooms where everyone with the permissions can join) but I was too scared. After that he asked to meet up and she was like yeah sure. I know she wouldn’t meet him since she’s to fucking lazy to leave her house and we’re always in contact and use shit so we can see where the other person is located. He also was trash talking me which really triggered me and said stuff like you’re beautiful etc. But the thing is we had fights because she always said he was a friend that said nothing wrong and I just found out he actually does. So I confronted her while she was asleep, tried to wake her, doesn’t work for a while until I really wake her up by basically going on calling her name and saying we have to talk. So I confront her and tell her what I saw and she completely turned. Was instantly awake and just started cursing at me for looking in her phone which I would understand if there was nothing to find but hey, I have trust issues. After some time trying to calm her down because she is basically screaming for my whole house to hear at 4 am my mom and sister texts me to ask whats wrong. After I tell her she woke them up she suddenly turns vert aggressive and starts kicking at me while she was laying. I went downstairs, my mom went up at the same time and she talked to her and she said she wants me to sleep with her so after a while I go back to bed and she just starts again where we left off. I want my family to sleep and not worry so I just stay silent asking her to stop while she’s putting her nails in my arm and scratching me so hard its still very visible at 8 am and starts turning blue/red. She forced me to lay down and kinda cuddle her or she would scream again and then she took control by grabbing my hair and I guess questioning me and whenever I was thinking for too long putting pressure on it by pulling so forcing me to talk or having pain. It went on for at least 30 minutes until she finally let go and started turning ‘normal’ again. She kept saying its the last time you’re touching me, enjoy it, I’m gonna destroy you tomorrow, I will post everything online etc etc. Just threatening me the whole time and forcing me to cuddle her because I really wanted to go sleep on the couch downstairs but if I did that she would make a scene again and I figured my parents and sister would be sleeping again and I really dont want them to look badly at her because they have no idea what bpd is and explaining them would be too hard because they don’t take anything serious which is a problem but not really in this story. Now it’s 8.17 am, she’s sleeping besides me and I can’t sleep because I’m very worried. So my actual questions are: is this normal? Does this happen in a relationship with a BPD person? What should I do? There will probably be some mistakes but I’m too exhausted to correct but I think it will be clear enough. Tl;dr: My BPD girlfriend started punching, scratching me very hard at night and forced me to stay in bed by grabbing my hair or she would make a scene and wake everyone. What should I do? I really love her but is it normal for a bpd person to turn very aggressive at her S.O.? Please reply, I’m in a state right now and I need some support.",3.1881420017108653,5.005851876646709,3.787412318220703,89.15480538922158,74.54491017964072,6.735500427715997,24.982463644140292,7.50117742383412,1.1153373823781,3307,109,676,41,70,1042,326,835,0.125,0.769,0.106,-0.9335,2,0,2,0,3,0,55.0,6,2,8,3,40,40,11,2,25,1,62,24,16,5,6,142,129,79,0,24,23,7,10,3,6,13,3,9,4,4,33,54,1,3,15,1,0,15,11,24,1,0,37,23,130,16,88,74,21,123,0,0,4,4,122,47,2,18,59,464,163,1,0.0,0.05161083142747173,0.12752323402309446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038612828740555986,0.0,0.04361850215672132,0.0,0.0,0.034834480525297966,0.0724899122772117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035845720061179025,0.0,0.1221666313410016,0.0,0.0,0.03349453222587881,0.036370325549127065,0.1593206372371363,0.0,0.03706588800530519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743080442901462,0.0,0.044479073920949526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456712599445045,0.0,0.04885563285754178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028092244971355908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623834544251047,0.0,0.051051356991775584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500856131971567,0.14574092065660005,0.0,0.0,0.03670071964610976,0.08324585214139983,0.039148429535832384,0.0,0.041063977598952944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543450783863094,0.11943765851260668,0.0,0.0,0.047760694209735534,0.10096178092538102,0.04027001435469852,0.022758017452232743,0.0,0.09902336870068773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047985650755800635,0.04313070898082715,0.03851948230910096,0.0,0.11706214752728465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909467172984504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042897288913379863,0.15078528842711042,0.0,0.0491733227602241,0.0,0.045464754048026614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023939137358144427,0.03550676972932658,0.0,0.046123173487820364,0.047327475445787914,0.04454249410796538,0.030767331360418305,0.06384284850198768,0.0,0.0,0.038548747048883635,0.07315794315059207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03931410892434673,0.0,0.05815254908035347,0.0,0.0,0.047449016522199884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203261476050894,0.0,0.0,0.03202121153149787,0.032298784034810145,0.03359573714708188,0.0,0.0,0.040877597835732325,0.1707160698950878,0.08359294399351735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635033142218403,0.0,0.09673524000311808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410330814406774,0.0,0.04781520106759776,0.0,0.0,0.04171791706353379,0.0,0.04696446002526227,0.08336103144206773,0.0,0.08757856720429584,0.09759311757766034,0.0,0.0,0.04958019630979985,0.16743181413729666,0.0,0.0,0.04676655313248429,0.0,0.07439907334265085,0.16574006735221922,0.06928045412669101,0.04361061358780169,0.0,0.034711246072393426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471315471889481,0.07206566281960529,0.0,0.3051363926928523,0.0,0.0,0.06706839335422134,0.0,0.0,0.1849896392175504,0.0928571667851398,0.03478663713030096,0.03641765494719374,0.0,0.0,0.04986515460898186,0.0,0.049430753472148335,0.04105427094966792,0.0,0.03275128921238963,0.1400457601042843,0.11421865121799908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787793288190224,0.055822279979873705,0.0,0.0,0.12699934289416534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483961574032982,0.05914802142332781,0.23690089381405144,0.0,0.04534692899108045,0.05239666118027374,0.037621383463330806,0.0,0.28752889914180274,0.1284624760943669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03916518143699494,0.20190025651862176,0.0,0.09726515209689554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03171180212109062,0.13271022331495996,0.0,0.18566032283084136,0.0952508522011762,0.0,0.0 bpd,BreaghaGreenEyes,2018/03/04,"The more he hates me the more I can't leave Abusive relationship. He's depressed. He hates me. I can't leave because he NEEDS me. He wants me to leave but I can't abandon him. If I leave I'll feel worse. Not for myself. For him. I can't wrap my head around those facts. It's pretty clear to everyone but me. He says I'm the reason his life is shit. He blames me for every little thing. He says I make him want to kill me. He punches the wall and says he wishes it were my face. He put his hands around my neck to choke me but stopped. He said look what I made him do. Look what I was turning him into. But he needs me. He's depressed and suicidal. I'd never abandon him. I feel guilty for writing this. He isn't so bad. It must be my fault. No one wants me. I'm garbage to be dumped from one person to the next. Each time they promise to protect me. Each time it's worse. He keeps me from therapy. Won't take me to the doctor. Doesn't care that I ran out of my meds a month ago. I thought my BPD was better. No. I've just been hiding.",-1.6793858512568,0.2564410264317196,0.4772596527597841,103.53239116351385,99.08810572687223,3.3754340502720916,14.605986006737494,5.0885558068054335,-1.2703240735941952,791,18,200,4,34,259,115,227,0.255,0.6,0.145,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,1,1,4,14,5,0,7,0,16,7,5,3,4,36,39,8,2,8,7,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,10,8,0,5,4,0,0,2,11,11,0,2,8,9,40,3,19,27,4,15,0,4,2,0,32,6,1,1,7,111,50,1,0.0,0.12977261727917982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708984931305448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500605330626966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145119749599147,0.06676717370172247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686850141613827,0.0,0.0,0.13794651961106486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116709643703888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867238999770689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210641729863964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922819554108158,0.10465857467541947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076116527781804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162721944316,0.1124071946750442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973534044521743,0.12117636161336552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638968042316879,0.0,0.0,0.0773627745747181,0.0,0.10977570097807826,0.0,0.0,0.1839516530702567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363792003229734,0.0731107045448262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166077364700542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742410186006924,0.0,0.0,0.16242705739095006,0.08447464647274636,0.0,0.11648413362121462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843784029998408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563551247233354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142922102283044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010576238859447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126128934670856,0.0,0.1175919440409917,0.0,0.0,0.10418608717121124,0.26130287799021634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124287858612422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157020468288388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980571403431445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235132825426325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525466620174824,0.0,0.07276545082739329,0.0,0.0,0.08695289537580321,0.12773316502968965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913487217980492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380712866473648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259516465508528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22323651602525849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tgq,2018/03/04,"Can you have bpd without acting out on thoughts? I really identify with the traits of BPD, but like internally. I’m nice to everyone, almost too much sometimes. But the people I have in my life I switch them having on a pedastal (especially SO’s) to being angry over one little thing and playing out scenarios in my head, and I decide they suck, until they’re nice to me again and it’s back to worshipping. I take things super personally and assume no one likes me and my friends are only here out of obligation. The thing is that everything I read tends to point towards more acting out on those thoughts about others, whereas I just feel it internally and don’t express it to the person. I’m not asking for a diagnosis. I need to be evaluated. I just wanted to know if I can have BPD if I’m overly nice?",5.419245283018867,5.9317251698113225,6.566974842767298,76.3002735849057,67.74213836477988,9.630440251572328,29.736477987421388,9.642632912329526,2.651090062893082,638,22,122,13,10,215,100,159,0.064,0.743,0.192,0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,1,8,10,1,0,6,0,11,2,1,0,0,28,24,12,0,4,8,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,9,11,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,1,0,2,2,1,18,9,27,20,2,19,1,0,0,0,8,14,1,4,5,94,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490919525860597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462314241857555,0.0,0.0,0.1189543605608383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5845157851767371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782199440855895,0.13903392861232272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822071151437393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195204440142721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876630992031596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501879523535967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926882642995206,0.1511567155443316,0.15504953231498886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372192680361372,0.11470771336179325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965675929462368,0.11765593493204345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072491494889384,0.2701552593046203,0.0,0.0,0.14624102353302398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547413561951503,0.0,0.0991044560842034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300175355580484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631476563189028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083264060886206,0.0,0.0,0.2456282335950602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124576869331964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912479012788446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,espressjo,2018/03/04,"Just found out i have BPD So i just got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, but i know nothing about it. I thought the best place to come would be here. Can anyone help me and my fiancé with some basic questions like, what is BPD? what does this mean to my future now? sos. ",1.681116883116882,4.380571709090912,2.7070129870129875,89.64909090909094,86.45454545454545,6.051948051948052,20.584415584415584,7.447530270364453,0.8212597402597406,224,7,45,4,7,71,46,55,0.03,0.76,0.21,0.9203,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,15,11,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,2,6,6,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269331776670186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22917175065569534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5500729219906435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811126867965372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164666736614005,0.0,0.0,0.2502773908039431,0.0,0.19110198515056934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394376064347393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465494005784182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463725814216045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200135350624396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668730208822104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23787507974375505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20953730631244785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190677176706057,0.22815605414427784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24463068286532424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17336585718063394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551277818300505,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,animalscarrotpeople,2018/03/04,"When you're a borderline, you always think your SO is going to leave you. Your emotions often tell you you're being abused. How do you know when you're actually right? I struggle a great deal with knowing if my marriage is healthy or not. I struggle with knowing if I am the abuser or if I'm the one being abused. My husband and I got together 10 years ago - it hasn't been without struggles. It has also had it's fair share of good times. Sometimes I feel like he uses my mental health diagnosis against me, to silence me. Other times I'm not sure if he's just confused and hurting also. Sometimes it seems like he loves me, other times it seems like he wants to change me into someone else. I just don't know what's real anymore. I don't know if my situation is healthy or not. Are there questions you ask yourself to help yourself sort out the reality? How do you check the facts without pestering your parter?",3.8064835164835173,5.313427890109892,4.651428571428571,84.86857142857146,72.2967032967033,6.7384615384615385,29.48351648351648,7.1686216300943375,1.6473912087912082,724,30,141,7,14,234,101,182,0.126,0.715,0.159,0.8204,0,0,0,0,3,0,18.0,0,9,0,0,11,13,0,4,6,0,15,2,0,3,2,41,32,17,0,6,15,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,10,0,1,1,8,5,0,1,3,1,24,8,12,27,0,11,0,1,0,1,22,3,0,14,10,90,32,0,0.0,0.4083181487864617,0.11209974815018828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018282294283438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372823699505733,0.09558376916907203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139234238888923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739100769043428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215206959199463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184293050123477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596188311684004,0.12921697564363088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808338064926765,0.08206549238389274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528513084713666,0.09635025502380162,0.09187465387370804,0.12664819395909108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210492224374188,0.0,0.0,0.07699713646952905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297421940709853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156567455340837,0.0,0.0,0.12163421445857656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683638427088672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367761787715203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576524521580307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784110576368093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868436076126544,0.0,0.0,0.13075093873228433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981011513102956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091526349569416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912237688825276,0.0,0.0,0.09733175523023437,0.0,0.22722521745801805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36027147385135905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826670455473032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004043077614634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360615782901038,0.0,0.0,0.20095059565361076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921362903650832,0.0,0.0,0.06775523532121293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214674804549275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397462442824845 bpd,brokencello,2018/03/04,"Am I ""Putting it On""? Um. Well hello. New to this subreddit and actually new to this diagnosis. I scanned and searched and I'm pretty sure this isn't a repeat...I'm sorry if this is redundant. My question has to do with knowing what's ""real"". If anything good came out of this it was that I could stop being worried that I was just being dramatic and having the same feelings as everybody else but I just wasn't as strong or as good as ""everyone else"". *generalizations...no? * Now I understand that my emotions really *do* feel more intense and it's not just in my head...well haha It is, but it's not my invention. But now I'm worried that I have a new issue in that I'm noticing all of these thought processes in my head and am experiencing ""checking out"" in a different way than before. So instead of being paranoid that I'm making up all of my feelings I'm worried that I'm making up things that have to do with the Dx. Feeling like things aren't real about how I experience things has been a really big issue that's kept me from making personal progress. I'm afraid to bring these things up with my Pdoc. or my therapist because now, having been diagnosed what if they think that it's just me being influenced by this development and not really happening? How do *I* know that?? I think that labels are dangerous and this is one of the issues, in some ways it's empowered me to validate things for myself ...but I don't want to take it on as my personality! I already have trouble holding down my own! lol. Sorry for the rambles, hopefully someone can give me an insight here. Take care guys and thank you all so much for your openness.",1.9659575409110983,4.43973249535604,3.9007837240159233,83.53301547987618,81.63157894736842,7.158920831490492,25.63724015922159,8.238735603445708,1.9527849447147283,1288,53,249,28,35,435,155,323,0.091,0.764,0.145,0.9562,2,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,0,2,1,2,15,13,1,1,9,2,31,3,1,6,4,64,62,27,0,6,16,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,36,16,0,3,12,0,1,3,7,3,2,1,8,6,30,10,40,49,8,27,0,0,1,0,9,15,0,8,8,190,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0928017933038776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494285323993853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825743589620128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057970772774023224,0.0,0.08092127454993962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876661745184772,0.09695860618411717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592790300633444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652232607987822,0.0,0.09935702312561168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588841186356384,0.10697229264927907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087008053488063,0.0,0.09302395490369347,0.0,0.0,0.19233734149632795,0.06793793016722459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122653269842153,0.0,0.15952714611838698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416183263898913,0.08409472350993354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951956801341816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445363249258283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977723758410369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452659363616784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04646001080508408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043567993986515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990786918125791,0.0,0.0,0.2755383172669005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826954388532574,0.0,0.0,0.0644407710706731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607156646853494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674871189184796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559961547953222,0.1065313673391024,0.0,0.0,0.21648436844415933,0.18276637265859413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057610815216311,0.0,0.0,0.21290853692993672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950606913896242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962860758900992,0.0,0.14300351125222885,0.0,0.0,0.08755333266407563,0.0,0.11041594509729692,0.315893962694826,0.12186973757672867,0.0,0.07549707828570346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990002260396034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609118171354453,0.1509685096134432,0.0,0.0,0.08550439691091846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897294788921988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cosmicowboi,2018/03/05,"Music having a huge impact on your mood? I've talked to one of my friends with Bpd and they said they feel this way too, but not sure if it's a Bpd thing. Does music just completely effect how you feel at the moment? Like if I'm with some friends I have to be in control of the music because one song that makes me feel not so good and my emotions just go spiraling down hill. Or I can hear a certain song and it feels like everything bad in my life is gone. Does anyone else feel this way? ",4.582147435897434,4.1459195865384615,5.012307692307694,89.999358974359,69.48076923076923,8.087179487179487,25.987179487179485,7.1686216300943375,0.9053448717948708,383,9,89,3,6,122,72,104,0.097,0.7509999999999999,0.151,0.649,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,2,2,5,9,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,4,2,25,16,9,0,2,8,0,5,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,6,5,0,1,6,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,2,9,10,7,11,13,1,11,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,4,3,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136282331118324,0.16650698127326735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356860319458371,0.0990623754732382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093421711090096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038483825134207,0.0,0.18226471334957872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28442084086482755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357532206649399,0.1827977946915432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605024784431156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108405199096191,0.11609458396104047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511040383447737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235611563853877,0.13630263398899511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315649079654786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478305576943268,0.15878480877958215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108474264570311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22023704546676412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458077246986704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316033154735928,0.0,0.0,0.13061646543225014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796201204420194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25797998660910665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,marshmallowskies,2018/03/05,"I’ve decided not to let this kill me. I’ve fought it tooth and nail, and I’m just finally done pretending I don’t have BPD. I’m ready to do what I have to do so I don’t let BPD and depression take my life. I am ready to love and feel loved, and ready to be the good person I know I can be. I think about killing myself way too much and it finally make me realize that if something doesn’t change, eventually I’ll do it. I want to be the person I believe I can be. Thanks for listening. ",0.9677777777777798,2.204181703703707,3.2937037037037062,92.82166666666667,79.18518518518519,7.7629629629629635,22.185185185185183,8.515128840125781,1.0093629629629626,376,11,95,8,9,130,61,108,0.13699999999999998,0.657,0.206,0.6218,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,0,2,0,18,4,1,1,0,16,31,8,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,6,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,14,4,8,23,1,3,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,2,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855996026986156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149551929327727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426747680518884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188576162219102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685807997766343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329481750772118,0.0,0.0,0.3609176383716964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817165632095732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645090913053546,0.0,0.09053388670025422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336904797744964,0.11635699523256332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29735900920985786,0.0,0.10996169600866057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109896415341052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876799838159789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682082554310153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385999806434013,0.0,0.0,0.151665585262053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555534845386524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716479822949653,0.13075874252847022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,captaincrunchAMA,2018/03/05,"I feel like I’m in crisis but I’m second guessing myself I have a plan for Suicide and I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t know if I plan on committing tonight but the plan is there. I also self harmed last night for the first time in awhile and I feel like I’m derailing and I feel hopeless. I can’t talk to my parents, I’m scared to call my therapist, I don’t feel safe talking to friends. I’m thinking about calling my stepmom but I’m so scared I’m just being dramatic. I just got out of the hospital about a month and a half ago. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to or if I should just wait to see if this goes away. I’m sorry for formatting or rambling I’m on mobile and I just needed to tell somebody what I’m going through right now. 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And what was the most helpful piece of advice you could pass on to others like myself who don't know what to do to grow? Discovered this subreddit yesterday by complete accident and now so grateful there are others like me who share this problem. Thanks in advance for your advice! ",10.412625000000002,9.987641012500003,9.025000000000002,65.98000000000003,57.625,13.0,41.25,12.161744961471696,5.232250000000001,371,17,59,10,4,114,56,80,0.063,0.703,0.233,0.9402,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,1,2,4,6,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,10,10,5,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,5,12,7,2,10,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,6,49,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412121724661584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903486423332461,0.0,0.0,0.22110059287921685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610584897186193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18561574263858252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521897149106937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058719730474548,0.0,0.2445282050145581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649780445307791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973118154638584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549536203964889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,randisavaj,2018/03/05,"Thoughts of a quiet borderline. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know who I am. An emotion can easily consume me and it becomes the building block of my entire identity, in that moment. Have you heard of the butterfly effect? How a butterfly can flap it’s wings in New Mexico, and cause a hurricane in China. It seems like a silly idea, but the connection is real. If the butterfly hadn’t flapped its wings in that exact time and space, the hurricane would’ve never happened. Similarly, the people in my life, with the flap of their wings, with a word, with a change in tone, with a look, with the most harmless of actions, have the power to set off a storm inside me. I try my best to hide, not because I don’t believe in communicating, or am trying to be childish and make them guess what they did wrong, though this is usually how it comes off. I try to hide it because there is no middle ground for me. If I act on my emotions, if I truly become the eye of the storm, it will result in destruction. So instead of picking a fight, making an impulsive comment just to hurt you back, crying, hitting, biting, kicking, being the sassy little shit that I am so capable of being, I just sit there in silence. I stare off into the distance. I begin to dissociate. I think to myself: “Why do you always do this? If you keep getting upset over stupid things, they will leave you. Why are you overanalyzing this? Why are you so upset? But I can’t help it. Why do I keep ending up here? What is this feeling? Why won’t it go away? I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I feel. I just know that it’s too much. Calm down, this isn’t you! How do I know that? I don’t know who I am."" My routine set of negative thoughts swarm the scene. But I know how to handle it. I start to come back to reality, slowly. I start to convince myself that it'll be fine. This episode is almost over. and then they ask, “are you okay?” Probably my least favorite question in the english language. Back down the rabbit hole I go. ",1.8550955165691998,3.8391300839506215,3.600653021442497,88.2305701754386,79.0246913580247,6.337231968810916,23.003573749187783,7.3759095455046575,0.9117160493827154,1544,50,322,21,38,516,194,405,0.141,0.77,0.08800000000000001,-0.9789,1,0,0,0,1,0,66.0,0,9,5,3,21,16,4,2,27,1,39,3,2,12,2,64,72,24,0,4,12,0,3,1,0,4,1,2,0,0,30,13,0,3,18,0,0,6,14,8,0,0,5,8,52,8,48,58,4,47,0,1,3,0,22,25,1,10,14,238,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612455864950348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987505851475539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974183690181907,0.0,0.09018993009145708,0.221441381628556,0.0,0.11703463118435314,0.21203661950767766,0.0,0.10815285397202187,0.10074023543237508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861272595117754,0.10154938209425857,0.16538140883465066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544537750190654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159616340799075,0.08502257530547525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561300946048805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015312940993495,0.0,0.10911169734967524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574869086144856,0.0,0.08488756039962117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434304520983714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027640263230658,0.10836603078833057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706485261080843,0.0,0.0,0.4220482408558605,0.0,0.0,0.10164424443327726,0.0,0.0,0.06780370717951184,0.0468980312768109,0.0962116408758649,0.0,0.0,0.08061114721212986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815405936242594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056695378553529,0.0,0.07403682488144199,0.09271202192466184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655045327004948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349823512784108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753573472875592,0.0,0.0,0.10926268102722696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873897268381971,0.0,0.0,0.09853690637376528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589070803506734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377443606188965,0.061509356815998874,0.09431404339234886,0.152417714821681,0.05597512606286263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552175704751887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572430636194297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331002256720226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819169124880545,0.10495484342779388,0.0,0.0 bpd,whalterp99,2018/03/05,"Is it my Borderline or are the people I meet just terrible? I'm aware that I have an 'all or nothing' personality. In the rare times I am able to connect with another being and display interest in them, I somehow elevate them on a pedestal and I fully focus on them. To me, that is normal because it makes sense that if someone interests me, I want to know everything about them and I want the person to feel the same in return and they usually give that to me so it is not as if I force them. I noticed that in the past, my issue was that I was too overwhelming, so I attempted to change that. Before, I usually painted a 'perfect' picture of someone and then if the person did anything that didn't fit the idea I desperately created of them, I got angry at them, fought with them and eventually abandoned them. I recognised it as not being healthy and I really wanted a lasting friendship with someone so I changed. I'd observe the patterns of my 'friends' and then copy them so we'd be on the same course. If they'd talk to me daily, I'd see that as understanding and then also talk to them daily in return. That worked for a while. But it always ends the same way: People enthusiastically talk to me, I return the favor. They compliment me (I don't get why), talk about a future and all that jazz which implies to me that we feel the same way and since my attempted change, it always ends with them suddenly decreasing the contact. Before, I abandoned them before they could leave me, now where I am meant to have bettered myself, they leave me first... At first, I assumed I just perceived it the wrong way. I worked on that and recently, if they didn't call me, I'd call them but they wouldn't pick up or during our talks on Signal, they'd disappear mid conversation. It annoyed me initially but I thought it was my illness and over active mind and I recognised it was just silly to be annoyed by it. Maybe they were busy, maybe they had to be somewhere, that's no issue at all, really. So I successfully quietened my mind and figured I'd just let them be and wait for them to be less busy. And it worked and they eventually called me again and we talked and everything was as before and I was pretty happy with myself, that I was able to overcome my bad feelings. But then fast forward a few weeks and they did it again, I let it slide but by the end of the month, they told me that they don't really want to talk to me anymore and they were just entertaining me. That has happened about 3 times now. The issue is that I tried really hard to overcome my negative thoughts and for the first time I felt as if I won and my illness lost but now I am questioning if the people I talked to were at fault and it wasn't me. I am wondering if any of you have similar stories or anything to add to make me reconsider this scenario? Thank you TLDR: Before, I usually switched on people I liked and started disliking them over the smallest things and then abandoning them. I changed my behaviour and worked on it but now I am being abandoned. I can't win.",4.281396117624446,5.411608411570248,5.285969632904094,82.22459926965213,70.66942148760329,8.404766480876418,29.111089755910047,8.775028230273154,2.1934651162790693,2399,91,477,42,43,789,230,605,0.117,0.799,0.084,-0.9572,0,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,4,2,33,15,23,28,3,1,27,0,48,2,0,3,4,104,77,65,0,15,26,0,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,3,37,37,0,5,15,2,0,3,11,13,0,3,25,6,109,15,63,37,9,64,0,6,1,0,61,23,0,16,38,371,146,5,0.12902337533038602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051589973318424055,0.10735778412197987,0.0,0.0,0.04387015981236314,0.06764612939462215,0.0,0.0,0.06397825935628589,0.0,0.0,0.1061752443928604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538645645454422,0.039325726024865,0.0,0.2744734734638377,0.0,0.0,0.0570553452531723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976209378357339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729792464210065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150733323685528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141462156401044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595789027168338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785714292855917,0.0,0.06194133694217055,0.0,0.0,0.16462082571660674,0.0,0.0,0.04984156986196776,0.0,0.03370469418334676,0.06188548917712716,0.0,0.0,0.051595889880678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057047472349209885,0.06867389110955571,0.05778980076119448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282584298439214,0.0,0.20200032377945226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03545393641440546,0.05258563570738699,0.0,0.13661712497016446,0.0,0.13193514287644675,0.0,0.031517151982002174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042212775536559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612410491596154,0.0,0.1296213224397069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13027682865384307,0.0,0.05149261361695588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320775678366787,0.061900704204590526,0.07344698398740912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158370552604009,0.17889712579217787,0.16898735201236426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563157872586284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226785437832006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531135613797768,0.0,0.06369750882138854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140746271280045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053364734682033545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398163083113645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04566170456925778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148164070878816,0.0,0.059393694583525676,0.0,0.0,0.04285869873865923,0.0,0.0,0.10243014796144864,0.11285185160047112,0.0,0.0,0.06164368215173141,0.0,0.04379920126627114,0.0,0.0,0.06715894198632663,0.0,0.0,0.21315152946188048,0.0,0.15220265930049515,0.1536191246902133,0.051747384560004286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058211763966706076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699601733885482,0.18786110780300944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053340324749682,0.0,0.0 bpd,OakenPrettyBoy8,2018/03/05,"Redditors with BPD,do you like it when someone/FP sends you random words of love? Hello bpd/! I solely follow this sub to help my best friend/girl I’m talking to. We’ve been best friends for years but she recently confessed about her BPD and everything along with it. We’ve also recently been flirting,dropping hints and doing stuff lol. I’ve read multiple articles and professional help websites. She’s slowly weening off her meds but she still has a Therapist. My main question is,every 3-5 days I will send her a long thoughtful,caring and loving text message. We text and snap regularly,but not like lovey dovey or loving. Is that something you’d all love here and there? Or does that just annoy you? I’m just trying to do my best for her. Any and all tips/advice would be greatly appreciated. Edit: I just put more detail within the original post.",2.5663448498546977,5.351957116564421,3.537384565708752,84.98135615111399,82.12883435582822,6.130965450435907,23.302873748789157,7.475848149327749,1.3073754601226997,682,24,123,11,19,218,112,163,0.021,0.682,0.297,0.9946,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,4,0,3,9,12,1,0,3,1,10,4,0,1,2,27,17,13,0,1,8,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,0,2,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,0,18,11,12,11,7,15,1,0,0,4,26,2,0,4,10,75,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181801312478716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969195136670343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477426052286265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.392474426861676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4710213064496654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803965116526444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909233195846084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503289565136108,0.0,0.1120379369669281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262670783142116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744001248093612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711627803846435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218068620897958,0.0,0.0,0.11032172026374112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500483630941393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847109422902526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193914907385404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531948418400518,0.13964968308069614,0.0,0.12469547889933273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617686512096884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597070069203764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955502951986277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270787143105373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001983874518386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447418926935457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463714093409308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855612597665964,0.0,0.0,0.08027807572190977 bpd,throwaway34552348,2018/03/05,"Has anyone had weight loss success after discontinuing antipsychotics? I gained 100lbs during the five years I was on antipsychotics. I eventually tapered off with the assistance of doctors. It's been almost 2 years since I've been completely free of antipsychotics, but the weight loss seems to be minimal. I'm losing at a rate of 1lb per week and many weeks I go without losing anything and it's disappointing. I'm desperate to get my pre-antipsycotic body back. Has anyone had success? How long did it take you? ",4.7366903073286055,7.5129427872340475,5.179078014184399,76.5338888888889,73.25531914893618,8.858628841607569,28.52955082742316,9.444778638647367,3.0462047281323867,418,17,70,11,9,133,67,94,0.189,0.698,0.113,-0.8268,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,7,2,8,0,0,4,0,9,4,1,1,0,8,15,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,5,0,1,6,2,6,4,11,8,0,11,0,5,0,0,1,3,0,2,7,39,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859128336725345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633777987383617,0.0,0.1549844679505886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481874676870213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091988214345185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974666964717472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276986058109785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839777860298583,0.0,0.10703568017714317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667141966561858,0.0,0.4213995842792634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19094312774804206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714540068539959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579347256158413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416052216168287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021435329761696,0.4586849821427161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154916824104828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242564398318076 bpd,Edajekyp,2018/03/05,"How do you deal with jealousy? I have a real problem feeling jealous of famous women or women I see as more attractive than me - this is causing me and my partner a lot of issues- he doesn’t even comment on these women (he’s actually very respectful) - I just feel instantly uncomfortable and then insecure upon seeing them - before flipping out, to later on regretting it. How do I control this irrational jealousy? ",4.107099999999999,7.071359893333334,5.844916666666666,69.85537500000002,76.73333333333333,8.016666666666666,34.70833333333333,8.841846274778883,3.993033333333334,332,19,47,8,8,113,60,75,0.259,0.685,0.056,-0.9415,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,4,6,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,4,0,16,9,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,9,2,10,9,2,6,0,1,2,0,10,4,0,2,2,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.2631161330445401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22943191163231566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698022765314245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024085444521941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27797262070788115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808546465746294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726620668248789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814195475807519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292264277686929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799571828223483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30689347620201984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42971411020230105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246973069347864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blissando,2018/03/05,"I've made a very, very dumb decision and lost my dream job. Rant enclosed. Support Appreciated. Long. Leave all ye who don't care to read it. TL;DR: [This song is my current emotional state.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrPrr4wmnJ4) For context, I'm a creative, have issues with attention and executive functioning (ADD / vigilance issues, depression/anxiety, BPD, and who knows what else). I've had the job of my absolute dreams for a little under a year. It could not have been a more perfect match to my skillset, my goals, my expertise. I was in love with the job. The pay was so-so, but I had stability and good health insurance and was able to live comfortably and be in therapy every week. My commute was OK. I loved my coworkers like a family. I thought I was going to be there for 2-3 years, at least, and use it as a comfortable springboard into the next chapter of my life (not knowing what that is). Friday evening I got called into HR for a meeting with my supervisor. They pulled up my timesheets (I was hourly). I've been chronically late and had chronic, serious issues with time management and my sleep. My supervisor had been super understanding with it. Until now. They audited my timesheets for the last three months. They said that based on discrepancies in my sheets that my punches amounted to having stolen company time. I had, very, very, very stupidly fudged my punches by a few minutes here and there on some days when (due to poor time management and coming in late) I was running late to other commitments. This was absolutely inexcusable behavior. Which was so very. Incredibly. Mind-bogglingly stupid. Like beyond absolute conceit and shortsightedness. There was one day where I couldn't find my keycard and so for the second half of the day I worked in the office without swiping in/out. I didn't think it would be an issue. But in addition to my other fudges, it looked like I had lied about a half-day's work. And based on this they suspected looking back at my whole time that there would be more. While that isn't true for the first several months I worked there, there would be no way for them to trust me given that context. Since I hadn't communicated about my time issues with my supervisor, how could they trust me? In the moment when they asked me to explain it I had honestly forgotten about my lost keycard day and gave some bullshit noncommittal answer. I knew that with the little punches fudged, no matter what I said that they had the right to fire me. They told me it was my last day, gave me checks and an NDA, asked me to give my keycard, that they would mail me my things, and to have me escorted out of the building without saying goodbye to anyone. I was shocked. My heart dropped through my stomach and onto the floor. My fuckups had happened weeks ago and there had been no signs that I was on shaky ground. We didn't have a write-up system as warning. But on some level that I denied in my every-day workings, I knew it was coming. I knew that either I would fix my fucking problems or my fuck-ups would catch up to me eventually. And I wasn't fixing my problems quickly enough, so the consequences rightfully came down on me. While they walked me through the exit paperwork, I listened, numb and trying not to cry. My supervisor said nothing. When they said it was time to go down to get my things I held back tears, turned to my supervisor, apologized, and asked to run to the restroom to wash my face. When I came back my super was gone. I felt crushed. Like I had so deeply disgusted and betrayed my supervisors' trust. Disappointed her. She gave me so many chances with my lateness and other time management issues. I could feel in the moment that this had been the breaking point where they decided I wasn't worth keeping on as an employee anymore. I wasn't worth trusting anymore, no matter how much I contributed to the department. I know that they were fully justified in their decision and that they had to act in the best interests of the company. I feel like I betrayed my family. Disappointed them. It has broken my heart every time one of my coworkers has reached out concerned (they only got an email saying I was no longer working with them, no details) and trying to be supportive. My guess is they assume it's just because I was late all the time (negligence, as opposed to gross willful negligence.) I feel like such a fucking liar and fraud. A criminal. Like I don't deserve their sympathy because they don't know the whole truth. I feel like I disappointed myself. I don't know why I thought I was somehow above the rules. I feel like I disappointed my boyfriend. I can feel a distancing from my partner in my personal relationship since this happened--at first he was supportive because he didn't fully understand the nature of how I was fired (again, negligence lateness instead of being an idiot who broke the rules), but since he understands the nuance I feel him pulling away. I fear there is judgement about my lack of honesty, which is very important to him (in a relationship, it is to me too). I am afraid to ask because I am afraid that the answer will be that he does judge me and now questions my trustworthiness. I'm just grieving and starting to feel the full effect of my fuckup as I apply for unemployment to cover lost wages. As I make doctor's appointments for an insurance I am going to lose very, very soon. As I start applying for other jobs and realize how fucking perfect this job was and that I fucked up a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity by being willful against how bad my own issues were, how much it was affecting me and my work, by not prioritizing my timeliness, and by conceitedly believing that somehow the rules would never catch up to me. As I start worrying about how to come out to people about this fucking embarrassment of my own design. I was so negligent. I may not ever have an opportunity like that again. I will never prioritize anything above my timeliness. And even if I still struggle with it, I will never, ever be dishonest about it again. It's not worth it. As I'm still realizing the reality of this loss and beginning my grieving process, it hurts and is a temporary pain, yes. But I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for fucking up so badly. And I don't think I will ever not think ""what if."" I know it sounds harsh. I feel conflicted. I want to show myself compassion but it's hard to when I knowingly made a choice to break the rules, thinking it wasn't that big a deal and that I wasn't hurting anyone. I don't want to crucify myself but I seriously need to fucking face up to my problems. No matter what issues I am going through, I need to follow the rules to a T. And if I am struggling, I need to be proactive and extremely communicative to my super about it. Now that I think about it, I made the wrong and willful choices to break the rules out of a fear of judgement from my peers and supers if they knew the deep and tragic extent of my time management issues. Out of a fear of actually buckling down and accepting that this has been a Huge Fucking Problem and to try and fucking face it. I'm trying to focus on what I can do at this point. This was a huge lesson to never take anything for granted, to keep my head down and prioritize my timeliness above everything, to maintain honesty and integrity with the rules, to be up front and proactive in communicating about any issues I am having, and to never, ever assume anything. Rant over. I'm grieving. There are new layers of grief and shock as I adjust. I feel pangs like kitchen knives in my chest with each new wave of realization and pain. I'm trying to honor those feelings without wallowing in them. I'm trying to put them to the side when I need to focus on what I have to do to take care of myself for now. I'm in such anguish right now and I've been able to stave off those calls to the void. My life is still worth salvaging. I have to convince myself that I'm not a 100% piece of shit. I'm afraid to be 100% honest with the truth of what I did with anyone for fear they'll see the real me, judge it to be disgusting, and turn away from me. I guess all I can do is breathe. I don't know. I know that I have a right to my feelings and a right to feel sad about this. It's a huge loss. I was finally feeling successful in my life after struggling for so long to find a sense of purpose. At the same time I feel like I don't have a right to feel sorry for myself since I made an incredibly negligent series of choices to break the rules. I am not special. The rules are made for me to follow, just like everyone else. I might have unique struggles, but that doesn't mean that I have the authority to decide when those struggles are a ""valid"" excuse for breaking the rules. They never are. It's not my place to decide that. Breathe. Walk. Eat something healthy. Drink Water. Get some sunshine. Get out of the house at least once a day. Use the shame and guilt to propel you to do the right thing from now on. Don't let the shame and guilt stop you from ever doing anything again. Even if the bathwater is dirty, there's still a baby in there worth saving. That's what I must believe, or at least fake believe until I actually do. I am not worthless.",4.653269762795227,6.073724512863535,5.294798401557458,81.41161355602236,70.09060402684564,8.457304848267501,29.252881807469645,8.906889125225367,2.313380495927046,7311,279,1404,134,131,2358,581,1788,0.185,0.6859999999999999,0.128,-0.9991,10,0,2,0,0,0,232.0,1,3,27,28,85,123,17,19,93,2,155,38,12,17,22,271,290,109,4,29,34,0,20,13,1,18,11,9,1,2,94,88,4,7,64,6,10,24,49,72,0,7,88,33,234,51,233,165,29,212,1,20,4,11,75,87,11,22,106,1014,328,22,0.05920985678904778,0.0,0.057780279101585875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026242982762580552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02013236650452841,0.0,0.022647689189558368,0.0,0.05872026777160441,0.062101362846966636,0.0,0.09744933426126022,0.0,0.11070644670923686,0.0,0.05562960952260886,0.06829308759665191,0.049437757221484566,0.07218755826516382,0.0,0.0,0.10006384907580508,0.031068545871117962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03728637094325369,0.0,0.06045988384047187,0.06772030248084213,0.060368395126529875,0.0,0.0,0.07650607323712184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091137904423718,0.0,0.032519623701043165,0.152741837278792,0.030521381226710626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030301898680022844,0.02590747234213972,0.0,0.0,0.029001559112681468,0.0,0.030293232626074033,0.049462237704371366,0.033301559729415314,0.0,0.0305898049277402,0.0,0.058661327981560686,0.1606761158819047,0.049886858044956135,0.028288777772301963,0.026607000704195367,0.0,0.05581778343840648,0.13325510041545496,0.2395062611974441,0.1057488338019613,0.028425373931481226,0.03243075197873328,0.054116736428190974,0.05036387393739468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736927925327668,0.04640205956334073,0.028399744946332288,0.06730065220980201,0.024831209341012614,0.04735553139755677,0.0,0.06522633263141517,0.0,0.026179540407500004,0.0,0.02652020084094084,0.0,0.030383197554830106,0.03146865449451501,0.0,0.07016396537936696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029154891009910908,0.034160112533508015,0.06338537630006152,0.0,0.0,0.30899853642013864,0.14689161658087246,0.05262844124269177,0.0,0.0,0.16270094409865976,0.048263935917387916,0.2003738923736301,0.031347344555594785,0.0,0.030273045078666513,0.06273250934039977,0.18802514394130634,0.05934383149012784,0.02614169415979616,0.052398860032773886,0.049721367319311066,0.03312034222606601,0.09695182958509757,0.0,0.053439207459266266,0.14006449532060333,0.01976151958938118,0.03001475071479703,0.0,0.032248446003792085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03140615059854953,0.029892538262052168,0.0,0.047260742794033785,0.0,0.04352605751338922,0.08780671712741547,0.13699887518280204,0.05718524864683335,0.031485177208166105,0.0,0.0,0.02840672724387985,0.0,0.0,0.03152828253982826,0.04012213132339668,0.022515882093201444,0.06300346222884662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02052432974064449,0.025849881558777425,0.03093084908446855,0.0,0.05597245298268231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133116729625864,0.0,0.029761129972586724,0.03316429520802002,0.0,0.02961293990859436,0.03369688985663012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356922752111327,0.0,0.17697712963239987,0.11264426545431595,0.04708605462828687,0.0,0.0,0.023591294967435117,0.0,0.0,0.03344514237797151,0.030389033562726167,0.09795801078735533,0.0,0.029626308719752595,0.0,0.0,0.022791320244043053,0.0,0.033140293546482645,0.06286356208012264,0.0,0.09457013623244716,0.024751045758763808,0.0,0.1547474953852536,0.0,0.0,0.10078596572349537,0.0,0.0,0.04451844354776767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03385581571423131,0.0,0.059004596833314674,0.0948482136029771,0.0,0.04700601248532072,0.18989159005711911,0.0,0.0,0.028288777772301963,0.0,0.1205988183680624,0.06440332164809491,0.0,0.09245932359772664,0.0,0.0511383055805824,0.0,0.2198444976396236,0.034923507608671966,0.023499014163583836,0.047494575632669116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026713843124012517,0.0661056905990838,0.0,0.08561428355396285,0.0,0.12931644278525295,0.0300652418420611,0.0,0.14721344207204748,0.03236834173989323,0.0,0.038129206500737416 bpd,TreeFiddyBux,2018/03/05,"Wants to just be friends for now So I've been seeing a girl for some weeks now, and she's just told me she only wants to be friends for now. I feel a bit empty and like I might have let her down... I think I've been quite distant while seeing her. I've been trying to avoid getting an ""FP"", so I've been tryna go slow/cautious with it. I think it's because last relationship ended and was reeeally hard to cope with. I like this girl but because I have no sense of self/identity and have a lot of difficulties I've been trying to go slowly so I don't hurt her or myself. But now I feel kinda bad like she may have thought I didn't like her when I do, I just don't know the right balance between too much and not enough. I've also explained to her about my mental illness and she's very non judgemental and understanding. I would definitely like to be her friend, because I like her, also tbh I'm not emotionally prepared/healthy enough for a relationship, but I feel like I never will be anyway and I shouldn't miss an opportunity to be with someone I like. Anyway can anyone relate, or offer me advise? ",2.221710526315789,4.01430529385965,3.761263157894735,88.4008421052632,77.2017543859649,6.138947368421054,22.803508771929828,6.961326702584282,0.6206414035087717,869,26,185,9,20,288,114,228,0.09,0.732,0.177,0.964,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,17,16,0,1,7,0,26,1,0,0,1,41,45,20,0,4,10,0,4,8,3,5,1,0,0,2,3,11,0,1,9,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,9,6,32,12,20,25,6,14,0,2,2,0,22,2,0,7,18,127,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19350949546356616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459822413217111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010206444982866,0.22126105846692806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208849941904233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609618298791826,0.10716021867658737,0.250027669745038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835268089666655,0.08643446584970732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804270796256759,0.0,0.0632116857855012,0.0,0.1375215147995153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083822540400992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952107711746946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649231339395595,0.09862206917185308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371930672629887,0.0,0.4728723653987794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028604022777044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192831412478378,0.12835006088411102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894073335028263,0.0,0.09331406765685928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201748009370304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868654555861936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259793513919774,0.0,0.10332382547686972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282491408196728,0.0,0.1262177678027702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251346856222572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504955250712601,0.0,0.09605164035430752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561004071539198,0.0,0.1642869882182413,0.0,0.0,0.12595367029391172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982848058355126,0.14272472883279047,0.0,0.09704996565863172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594701489449874,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,A_Scrawny_Gnoll,2018/03/05,"Coping with friends leaving you After running away from life in my home country, I am living in a foreign country as an expat. There are a lot of expats here but unfortunately, it is a fact of life that people come and go often around here. Ive always been quite shy and anxious and havent found it easy to befriend people. When I do, its often with a BPD attachment. I work in a job that is ok but made great by three people I work alongside with. As luck would have it, all three will be leaving this year. I knew two were leaving, but the third, who I am closest with, has just told me they will possibly leave too and its messing me up. Ive been friends with them for three years and Im completely struggling to imagine life without them. I would say its rare for me to feel close to people like this. Usually, I get these attachments only to romantic interests. I do have romantic feelings for one of them, (the one I am closest to) but I am trying to fight this as I am married. My job isnt awful, but they are what make coming in to work every day fun. They lift me up, I can talk to them about anything and they are my best friends. I have nobody else other than my spouse here. Ive considered moving back to my home country but have no friends back there for various reasons like people moving away and me distancing myself from them. People say I can make other friends, but when I have such an intense attachment to people, others cannot compare and when I try, I just feel disillusioned and alone. I cant quite explain how much this is upsetting me and I feel completely alone. I also feel irrationally angry at all three of them for ""abandoning me"" despite all of them having very valid reasons for leaving. The fact its three at once isnt helping, and I have only felt this way once before, after making very good friends at college and having to part at graduation. My immediate instinct is to run, to pack up and leave for somewhere else, but I have a spouse who is settled in their job, and aside from my abandonment issues, I am also happy in this country. Do I just flail around, meeting enough people until I stumble across another intense borderline attachment? Anything less than this ultra intense BPD, black and white attachment doesnt feel like enough somehow. I dont quite know how to cope. My spouse tries to understand but doesnt and it must be frustrating for them to see me so emotional constantly. I feel I am clinging on by a thread, just waiting to be left alone. Thanks for reading. ",5.890792349726772,6.333469336065576,6.1085081967213135,80.24031693989073,66.70491803278688,8.883715846994535,32.04535519125683,8.745826893841286,2.5216719125683063,1988,77,376,29,30,635,214,488,0.113,0.703,0.184,0.9916,3,3,0,0,1,0,53.0,0,1,13,7,27,25,2,2,12,2,52,3,0,8,6,78,77,37,0,3,14,3,8,3,6,5,3,2,2,0,24,26,0,3,16,1,0,7,10,7,0,9,8,13,63,18,71,61,11,44,0,2,3,0,33,23,0,5,16,289,87,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475656418091566,0.0,0.10025232032734274,0.05215580795613026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572673910021802,0.0,0.0708119528877948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316262954826527,0.1115991748620666,0.0,0.0,0.11778216531904982,0.09639599969015422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333711342166599,0.0,0.06578008793190046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578896398616952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798866578734197,0.13144016252473276,0.06773614601060797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404242104247436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346193939318454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472425581162333,0.07050795155838907,0.0,0.12953294089228812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528116430433596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218546068066504,0.04477948607601591,0.060183814346078474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872673774327387,0.29056419528919386,0.0,0.03274835767939125,0.0,0.035623189757574954,0.0525740451671954,0.0,0.069106281741591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667253391191572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0420139098697116,0.0,0.1257487767846337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770648884671285,0.06542292317401549,0.18660435854124716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0344479669367543,0.0,0.0,0.398222257942658,0.06810334411661205,0.0,0.13282082778249366,0.09186865430622827,0.0,0.05534867797333323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328934362337424,0.0,0.05931049915594273,0.12552063121813806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324046389328295,0.046077919166814765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350693697832067,0.08494885268904033,0.09534380592507588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787766815322431,0.0,0.3476422026788171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066367327830339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000076237539089,0.06269819640707013,0.0,0.0,0.128893496142076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969326619480842,0.0,0.0,0.04994882811132486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655280353056128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038080154613132,0.0,0.05770845875477058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598946052083465,0.0,0.1276693300942214,0.0,0.06123045765401894,0.06525337514038003,0.0,0.0,0.0690345236853873,0.10343716507842793,0.0,0.049753445958038864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060422472766813215,0.0,0.1368980545909988,0.0,0.0,0.08905390040670612,0.0,0.0,0.0807293191897895 bpd,Sam0x007fff,2018/03/05,"Does anyone else feel they get infatuation but not love? I ""fall in love"" so easily but now I think about it, it's just infatuation. The moment I have someone the feelings go. Anyone else feel this way?",0.9015384615384612,3.4682415897435916,3.283461538461541,83.09903846153848,94.64102564102564,5.676923076923077,16.756410256410255,7.1686216300943375,0.43128717948718,158,4,31,3,6,54,29,39,0.202,0.6409999999999999,0.157,-0.6236,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,9,3,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,2,9,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330960052890548,0.4881076541978663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844169472340976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979544015624256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361308098115244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444445636259135,0.0,0.13536887946208764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4299515915864669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018176339792522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526225493849908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890641538433571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,glitterbugjjj,2018/03/05,"One date and totally in love Hi guys I love this community and am pretty drunk so idk take this as you will I went one a date a few days ago and this guy and me totally click like beyond anything I've ever felt before. He understands so much and is so smart and we have a lot of similarities. What I'm asking is,am I going to far? I honestly already feel in love with him. He likes me a lot and I just don't know really how to handle it. Like is it that he's an amazing person or is it just my BPD attachment craziness ??? We've been talking non stop and he acrually likes me for who I am (WHIXH IS SUPER RARE) And I just don't know how to proceed. I want to do everyrhint in my power to get him to love me. He's so special and not like anyone ice met before. I've been super reql and feel super comfortable with him and idk I've never been so sure that I wanted a relationship before Anyway sorry for spelling and rambling but idk I'm just so damn giddy I feel high . like nothing will compare to this ans no one comes close. Have I met my soup mate? 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Hi, me and my partner have been going out of our minds for the past few years. We have 3 boys between us, Her two from her ex are 16 and 14 and ours 5. All live with us We have had trouble with her 14 yr old who has acted as a tornado in the house, literally ripping the family apart. For so long we have thought, he's just struggling living his own life and taking it out on us no matter how much we try to help him. Only the last couple of months, we've got social services involved for support and he's in a local care home for 4 days a week now, so we get a breather as he's too much to handle... He has these moments where he FREAKS out and Cries over the most trivial things.. And is SO demanding!!!!! No one elses words matters other than his! The police had to remove him from our home today... He'll say I not leaving without my money I not leaving without my money I not leaving without my money I not leaving without my money I not leaving without my money And wen you try and make a point BAM! He's motor mouthing Before you can even mutter a word And after social services saw this in the week they think he has aspergers. Others on here have said it could be bpd What I'm asking though is HOW ON EARTH do you try and guide a child like this when your words opinions mean nothing to him...? Because he is deeply angry and violent and social services have saw this too All I'm asking is do any of you guys have any pointers/tips for me? Or useful links to deal with these behaviours I've already learnt keeping calm, not shouting as they don't like shouting But it feels like I can't be a father with a firm voice when I have to tippy toe around him so he doesn't flip out",2.47727412829898,3.942235184357543,3.6943151608553286,90.56365921787712,75.64804469273744,5.831785783086112,23.797341552687346,6.129581340695534,0.4945020997880945,1348,41,286,8,29,439,190,358,0.08199999999999999,0.8440000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.6958,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,11,5,2,0,17,10,1,1,16,0,28,3,2,4,2,63,49,27,0,1,14,2,1,3,1,1,1,5,2,4,13,28,0,1,5,0,5,3,16,4,0,2,8,8,42,6,44,37,7,36,0,0,2,0,56,16,0,3,20,191,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102383125019856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218474266449632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342880114431569,0.1542239735276893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028185984577473,0.0,0.07018833785988081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777298725517376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409856922204176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585725866084789,0.09126766512291913,0.09060548385176638,0.05319575726905161,0.08503802317311646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890531730617612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054480314758233936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775916047588984,0.0,0.04170670316025568,0.05892703028466704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043094810455633764,0.0,0.046877911419474366,0.0,0.06597048715535275,0.0,0.0,0.08167274378126871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057540656304188,0.0,0.16547760207138185,0.0,0.0,0.09517617894299307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331612178226686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723597583088428,0.0,0.4366965231575837,0.0,0.0,0.05826132772706968,0.12089345923543862,0.0,0.14567086444959368,0.07299629464036768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05505912554531208,0.0,0.0,0.0898499343197325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328595428070086,0.0,0.06583843815987872,0.0,0.12127137562892328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914621922560333,0.0,0.1731074703137295,0.0,0.05589371444054956,0.06273327176717602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874090482362407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779746289730821,0.09298901752082986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846176410620424,0.06559508193401671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25224805313044146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623083602151352,0.0,0.0,0.09360257131503352,0.0,0.0,0.062018170244750516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479911754933566,0.0528528150570067,0.08104072210681547,0.06548357607591314,0.0,0.0,0.07818577677884639,0.0,0.0,0.16800493127844945,0.0,0.08057548999998296,0.0,0.297656531832534,0.07124022963924276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232837640105466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3975611596524664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623478413043293 bpd,cookiedoughbabe,2018/03/05,"Cheated and don't feel guilty? Possible TW? I seem to have a history of cheating while I'm embarrassed I don't feel guilty. At first it started with online long distance flirting then whenever a man showed the slightest interest in me irl I would sleep with them. I know it's terrible and I don't want to make it seem like I'm blaming it on BPD but I feel like if I didn't have it my relationship would be more stable. My latest FP (that isn't my boyfriend) I meet over a particularly terrible summer. And during the period where I would see him often I could have sworn I was in love with him. I even wrote sappy poems about it. But when we stopped seeing each other for like a month, I felt so much rage towards him that I planned that I would hurt myself and show him to make him feel bad. And I felt like my boyfriend had always been the stable rock that I needed. But he texted me again and we meet after work and even though I said we weren't going to do anything sexual, we did. He drove me home, at that time I could have sworn that I had never felt happier in my entire life. And of course, after we stopped talking I hated his guts. Now, it's been long enough for the strong feelings to subside, I want to text him again and meet up with him again. Honestly, if he texted me tonight, I wouldn't hesitate to meet him. I've been trying to keep my thumbs busy so that I don't text him first. While I do hate myself for falling for another man over and over while in a relationship, I don't feel guilty enough about it to tell my partner. Could this lack of guilt be a symptom of BPD, something else, or just a terrible toxic character flaw? Anyone else keep coming back to a FP you know you shouldn't go back to? ",3.6427478753541074,4.590461864022661,4.424448725212468,88.4907354107649,72.00283286118979,7.687660056657224,24.884872521246447,7.976525956113202,1.1452974277620402,1350,38,294,18,25,434,165,353,0.175,0.708,0.117,-0.9727,1,0,1,0,0,2,32.0,5,2,1,5,17,21,5,2,12,0,32,5,2,2,1,63,66,24,0,15,7,0,9,4,1,6,2,1,1,3,17,21,0,4,13,3,0,5,11,12,0,2,15,12,57,9,39,40,6,45,0,1,2,1,35,13,0,6,31,201,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810207113920789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210228482819082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808426816551275,0.09976839077733267,0.08012827298264044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974501932394926,0.08130095780176941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452714557464756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387674227701736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332291495147109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268243247234535,0.0,0.0,0.2012211377998172,0.0,0.12862563403265986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29540309162342243,0.06956206719493581,0.2804751173661927,0.0,0.0,0.16564793468981726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106766931361286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922679749923481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767134046072484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042379770735447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309614841449708,0.0,0.0,0.1070254261835704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877621992213548,0.1902827704962876,0.0,0.0,0.17234105055777224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788138853349348,0.0,0.12999218091850756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772083264950821,0.0,0.07157909994419405,0.07219957584145377,0.07509873961465814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977149627134956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090806450232376,0.0,0.0,0.09262239214537778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551846187555627,0.17728632613100906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744160780821398,0.0,0.0,0.07496117419348881,0.0,0.0,0.06891989840946762,0.0,0.0,0.16281351257645044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120605043874184,0.0,0.07826335247656599,0.0851067970261124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566679551790128,0.0,0.05677798073896428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661087125450757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148642162573066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088745693470239,0.0,0.0,0.2766790754831981,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clown_gal,2018/03/05,"Gut wrenching fear that my boyfriend is too good for me and will eventually leave. I just needed to get out what I am feeling tonight because it is tearing me up and I have so much guilt and confusion for feeling it. The other day my boyfriend picked me up from work. He came in and met the majority of my coworkers. Today was my first shift since then, and three of my female coworkers came up to me and excitedly gushed about how handsome they believed him to be. Part of me knows that they were being friendly/polite, but also I know that my boyfriend is definitely a reasonably attractive person. The focus of the conversation was on him being attractive, nothing was said of us being a cute couple. I don’t know why, but their seemingly harmless small talk instantly sparked terrible uncomfortable feelings inside me. For starters I felt like them commenting so eagerly on his looks really meant that they were surprised at his appearance and think of me as too plain of a girl to have an attractive boyfriend, insinuating that I “lucked out”. My second thought was if that was what they thought, then they were right and I have no business having an attractive boyfriend. In an instant I turned myself into an ugly monster in my head and wished that I had the kind of boyfriend that no one notices or comments on, just so that he never feels like he’s too good for me. I wished that I would always be the focal point, the attractive girl he’s lucky to have and would never leave. This all happened in a flash, but it was such an intense fiery flash, it did a confusing amount of damage. My relationship with him is so immensely deeper than wracking my brain trying to figure out who is the “hot one” and who has the “upper hand”. Why does my BPD allow me to so easily get knocked into using my reptilian brain to think? Into being afraid of absolutely everything? Into every tiny little thing being a sign of the world turning against me? I’m going to bed tonight frustrated and exhausted from not being able to rationalize any of my stupid fear. **EDIT** This has been very helpful to get out in writing. Re-reading it just now, I wanted to add that one of my main reasons for feeling such extreme guilt was because of the feeling of wanting to erase anything about my boyfriend that any other girl would ever find attractive or likable. An extreme want to hide him only for myself. I love him and in moments of clarity I want nothing but to uplift him and for us to shine as two individuals in a supportive relationship. But then my brain flips a switch and all of a sudden I want to make him someone who exists only to love and support me and that has no option but to stay with me. Not by choice because I am not lovable. But because he has no other option. Otherwise everything is a threat. I feel very sad that I could even have these thought toward the person I love and want to help grow as a person. Every day is a lot of work for me. Luckily I’ve grown a lot in the past few years,but it’s still so so so much work. But through vast self reflection, I am moving forward little by little. ",5.294702078899984,6.452744124161079,5.779603863152728,79.51694303486663,68.32885906040269,8.633426092650186,30.979538385987894,8.9110942124816,2.555366066459323,2462,98,455,42,41,793,268,596,0.11,0.705,0.185,0.9943,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,2,0,7,4,24,38,3,7,32,0,47,10,6,7,5,105,95,45,0,14,17,0,10,2,0,4,1,1,1,7,32,31,0,0,23,0,0,8,10,14,0,7,22,13,70,24,84,60,11,60,0,2,2,3,47,34,0,13,21,344,102,4,0.06969181009377219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055732515353032135,0.05798916889252356,0.0,0.0,0.09478564139552807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057350421580115225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993392230867513,0.0,0.0,0.07851880464079332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777439513563709,0.23339732559019025,0.0,0.15941772927444908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564323948567745,0.07711266230934576,0.0,0.08989090410176805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060987772657880586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046030783287821564,0.06304023216124338,0.11743671157425095,0.0,0.12526901031685253,0.0,0.0,0.1568453236640531,0.2466679123160457,0.049787843056072936,0.06691506682528192,0.0,0.06369705185211381,0.05927981806368494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923328305183204,0.0,0.039607461724684594,0.11690836760224388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061628237505185424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152390324390909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342590253109503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257329574798538,0.11490238868774262,0.0,0.0,0.14758712837262986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809579628503057,0.2095485072281993,0.0,0.0,0.058523568147881115,0.0,0.0,0.1184989694780237,0.1886987386786808,0.0,0.04651982440336725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407136488542902,0.10246299852273336,0.051675594122812835,0.10750124061625617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374234276697344,0.07934458770596681,0.0,0.0,0.14167492247328498,0.1060075240191032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546943891423975,0.06652871852718929,0.0,0.18255660130636087,0.0,0.0,0.06588128692236991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697106696873413,0.0,0.04464635810685783,0.1433095758619564,0.0,0.14964584521774085,0.0,0.0595164250305005,0.06629287066310519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344480646803605,0.07270375714681944,0.0,0.0,0.0576497854848624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590496445339813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428219676956993,0.05565596956546756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817088041819674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601563707452701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046300141903935985,0.0893113957522683,0.0,0.1659825376911779,0.0,0.0,0.06605968711943129,0.0,0.0,0.04731616436310978,0.1516093537499448,0.0680787718455443,0.0,0.16766133323311558,0.06019134776388225,0.0,0.11500608408831638,0.2466362114750641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577203748399354,0.0,0.1602842844242646,0.0,0.0,0.1522094033211551,0.0,0.0,0.14852118700470074,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,GoonSquadMember,2018/03/05,"How do you get over an Fp? I've had 4 Fps in my life and it always reaches a point where I'm too attached and they don't care as much and the relationship starts causing me a lot of emotional pain. In the past the only way for me to get over a Fp was to get a new one. It's gotten to the point where I've asked my Fps to block me so I can't contact them anymore and non of them have ever blocked me. They won't respond to my messages, but they won't block me. I've tried blocking them, but I always unblock them after a few days. How do you get over your Fp without getting a new One? I don't want to have an FP. ",0.8467077922077912,1.7399777357142838,3.0279220779220783,96.0225324675325,78.78571428571429,5.662337662337662,22.72727272727273,5.565023196281405,0.0002142857142857224,473,14,121,2,11,162,74,140,0.126,0.855,0.018000000000000002,-0.9187,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,7,0,7,2,0,0,12,0,11,2,0,3,1,17,22,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,3,0,21,1,17,17,3,17,0,0,0,0,15,9,0,1,7,81,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871227771956565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711065076161524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129518976896892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759090285601103,0.17723905477143292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126959794062366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407655311225994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606609715981618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507072066361471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218652547587566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668150044714692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683170520242895,0.0,0.0,0.33326715134131657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338258332051698,0.13121922283630275,0.18358741877054569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647023986686028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261991580088595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523601689456493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221198400715567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713867242485858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176451244855612,0.13694877079214207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631578404871794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kol021,2018/03/05,"BPD I haven't been fully and officially diagnosed as a BPD sufferer yet, but it is clear I definitely exhibit strong traits associated with it. This is coming from a counsellor, a GP, and a psychologist. I just recently had a fairly long-term relationship end (10 months is long for someone like me), in which my partner was living with me, and is now moving out. For anyone who knows anything about BPD, this is extremely stressful for me. We are still friends, and he promises he will continue to talk to me and visit and all that. I believe him (which says a lot if you know me at all), but I am freaking out over how much my life is going to change again. I found threads for nonBPD people, who have associated with a BPD person after searching for jobs ideas for BPD sufferers, and I found so many people bagging those who suffer from a real mental illness. So many said it was their problem, that they're not okay, and were generally blaming everything on the person who was suffering. I mean, don't get me wrong, yes we are often in our own way, and in the way of others without realising, but why doesn't anyone seem to understand? Why are there no supportive people? It triggered me immensely, enough to write this, because I am now instilled with an intense fear that I will never have another relationship - let alone a healthy one - ever again. Why does everyone hate their BPD exes? How do I help myself not become someone that the people I love hate...",8.120403726708076,7.282986340579711,8.302194616977225,70.65326086956524,62.40579710144928,11.363975155279505,36.01863354037268,10.608840637214634,3.754163354037268,1154,45,208,24,14,379,164,276,0.16399999999999998,0.693,0.14400000000000002,-0.815,1,1,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,1,2,1,15,18,2,2,13,2,26,4,0,3,5,48,41,18,0,2,8,0,0,1,2,2,3,2,0,3,19,18,0,0,8,0,0,4,8,11,0,1,9,2,29,7,30,29,6,28,0,4,0,1,26,8,0,4,15,155,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585488639774398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869233097607141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592512237196045,0.0,0.06821605123510464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505324147207759,0.09155172519897532,0.0,0.0933950030831625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6264249647063441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769259899734129,0.07140725658522908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413733296769138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254253603930592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342093519647162,0.08565335888814297,0.0,0.0,0.07498385519236196,0.0,0.07921033954814764,0.0745012590187144,0.0,0.0,0.09328064502635974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817815882997956,0.06404496834990413,0.0,0.043309552211010925,0.0,0.04711150439459598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368457155927135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556320231093816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357909114635464,0.0,0.0,0.08226113492637059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111455525291376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476641158337417,0.05855164434882616,0.040498624075376514,0.0,0.0731983717157527,0.1467200714198314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047491152203424,0.07481655450269982,0.0,0.0,0.16808634255665236,0.0,0.09029765719894567,0.0,0.0,0.083539311141091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616651157828482,0.08810494993519813,0.06093783588988212,0.0,0.06393423043518201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561722332280001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298776060019653,0.14476255651843534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931993529712654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435339019395912,0.0,0.0,0.08184944711275009,0.17799779606211988,0.0,0.0,0.07885273965003456,0.06592194270657126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546508027981877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047441905262076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620056778682415,0.0,0.0949566792773516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406899361181333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662837801994209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862972881038688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315974062878532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244012733445988,0.0,0.0,0.07990844196316738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063337272696842,0.0,0.0 bpd,tigertrash2,2018/03/06,"S/O broke up with me when I tried to talk to them about BPD After a few months of dating my boyfriend, he said that he noticed something was up and that I had been acting depressed lately. I explained that I had been dealing with depression and BPD and we talked about BPD for a while. The same night after this conversation, he broke up with me, saying that he doesn't want to be with someone who's depressed. Has anyone else gone through a similar experience? I feel extremely lost and I have no idea what to do.",5.863823529411764,5.920526166666669,5.847843137254902,83.41529411764708,66.74509803921569,8.760784313725491,30.72549019607843,8.344100000000001,2.035243137254901,407,14,83,5,6,128,69,102,0.211,0.789,0.0,-0.9634,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,0,14,16,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,9,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,8,3,11,0,18,7,2,13,0,6,0,0,14,3,0,0,8,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304584766454792,0.16565357327677602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6108662185082291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667824607176976,0.41774736231027176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505743672135392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814767405151592,0.0,0.0,0.08174696297955575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250966599585655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182374713490916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764856881657227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904621941003072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517195973127779,0.0,0.0,0.18406631446501687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537884905708091,0.1285692305598225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698540447544474,0.12446413403508097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598940184030417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976567199786004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535920002521613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mochatree,2018/03/06,"How the hell do you handle a break up with BPD? •Inc TDLR• A little about me: 20, F, diagnosed fairly recently after years of depression. Been in a relationship with a guy from uni for around 3 months so early days but going well. I had a really bad episode about a week ago; psychotic break during which I made suicide attempt which I have little to no recollection of. My boyfriend was the one that found me; he's never seen me that bad before and from what I heard it was pretty scary. Fast forward a week and I've been in hospital and then at my folks' to recover. I assumed that he'd finished with me, but to my surprise he was texting everyday, we FaceTimed and spoke on the phone a ton, lots of 'I love yous' etc. I'm due to head back to uni tomorrow and he was acting distant over the phone, so a few texts back and forth and he drops a clanger: he would be there for me as a friend until I was 'better' but that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship right now. At no point during this week has he expressed this. Boom. Devastated. I'm bloody angry at him for not telling me but trying to stay calm and not have The Talk over text. He is now angry at himself for hurting me but I've just told him we'll speak tomorrow, I'm too upset tonight. How the hell do I do this? The guy is even written into my bloody support plan by my case workers. Part of me wants to understand that he has just handled this badly, part of me is RAGINGly angry at him, and the other part wants to cry and listen to Kelly Clarkson. TLDR: I've been dumped. What do? ",2.5478374455732933,4.079167779874215,3.9485534591194975,88.53775036284473,75.60377358490565,6.9048863086598935,23.8659893565554,7.61054688173877,0.9996387034349294,1206,37,258,16,26,398,170,318,0.232,0.6970000000000001,0.07,-0.9965,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,2,1,0,4,17,17,4,1,20,0,26,3,1,3,1,37,43,22,1,3,9,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,0,2,15,16,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,10,1,1,17,6,30,7,44,21,7,49,2,2,1,1,33,19,2,2,25,176,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566631801662284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061159935339204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331958623276826,0.29858872125100044,0.0,0.0,0.10143302206251954,0.0,0.0,0.10542541726918793,0.0,0.0,0.1501320777984685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309389611258289,0.07687611055095743,0.0,0.10266941860302893,0.120988593979002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132942918821181,0.07873249513155428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069999965477594,0.09209598639239112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677458445126436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23605953565705376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233672689707853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760933828138912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389455584104539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134217659501657,0.1075854132328031,0.11279281504911767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514674309234522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193674644349063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077507664197106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38725588448558335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268541900412007,0.0,0.0,0.12127236357096507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636453089034907,0.0,0.11769863834325482,0.2559589461337776,0.0,0.10179875964007648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705459863570578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303887972731284,0.13527021683089727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581090214530276,0.10418872618842336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390362960767715,0.0,0.08093105122866719,0.0,0.0,0.12409458659567052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061810330858165,0.0,0.28685250710270266,0.0,0.10717786424576392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467843182002377,0.0,0.0,0.07676286069076821 bpd,BananaVessel,2018/03/06,"Do any of you struggle to apply for jobs because of the rejection? I was interviewed for a job today and yet again, I came across as an eager puppy because I could instantly see myself working there and was 100% confident I could do it, even though I have no experience whatsoever. They were forensic and there were many issues. I can see the rejection coming. I hate this feeling, wondering when they'll call, fearing my reaction. Wondering how I could have been stupid enough to fuck up my one chance. I was having a really good week too. As usual I kept adding more and more to my plate until I am at the point of collapse. I don't know who I am anymore. Right now I am out in public and surrounded by strangers and it's so hard to suppress the galaxy of emotions resonating through me.",4.764741532976824,6.091005117647057,5.56787878787879,79.91727272727275,69.71895424836602,8.962329174093881,30.248960190136657,9.339509955726095,2.7134104575163405,625,25,117,13,11,204,103,153,0.19,0.733,0.077,-0.9604,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,2,1,11,9,3,2,7,0,20,1,0,1,0,19,31,13,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,8,4,22,2,20,19,3,18,0,2,2,1,7,8,1,2,8,94,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520250285826144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342257793415814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886095160003572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796779531871508,0.17693760228586722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332618694146443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3705503053953752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401865954657394,0.0,0.15984827415199254,0.0,0.1021790545299518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132800781540304,0.0,0.17408249148431645,0.07822185894827642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301928579651807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975649788038468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385823918982991,0.15273596160558645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146844636285698,0.30703525508991564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502004239159383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684330489181136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482991739395753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624316876930596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910590986556897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211445915647166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465545494299869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172787060988675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519936953383233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466391812236174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038213433585364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409242171365956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355349227061204,0.11262472495616875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ihatecommercials,2018/03/06,"Have any of you tried Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT)? I am medication resistant. I can't count how many medications I have tried at this point. Willing to try anything at this point to stem the tears and suicidal ideation. I was wondering if any of you have had success with ECT. This community is like home to me at this point. Figured I would reach out. Much Love",2.9760294117647064,5.880643073529412,3.8632352941176498,82.50455882352944,81.5,8.105882352941178,27.617647058823533,8.841846274778883,2.6092882352941182,291,13,56,8,8,93,48,68,0.087,0.758,0.156,0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,1,0,8,12,3,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,3,10,8,1,7,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,2,1,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637541190119814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159585457207685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452466580540295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474297210603126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750267545664206,0.0,0.0,0.19661161370087452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390722247245815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425587119989912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.549971299526546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212474194016734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217725085903469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949912580495633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21030563801162536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776022843507305,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,stopstealingmyself,2018/03/06,"Favourite Person ok totally new to this whole BPD thing and the term Favourite Person threw me so I checked it out and this resonated with me ""To oversimplify, best friends are people you love and count on, but a favorite person is someone you have an emotional dependence on, someone who can “make or break” your day"". And I am not sure if I want to be emotionally dependent on someone but feel I might be, however, I certainly don't want to be as I want to be an independent person who can stand alone. I want to make my own mistakes and take responsibility for my actions so becoming reliant on someone else is difficult for me. Besides for me if I want to be just me can I do it by leaning on someone else, I feel not. What do others think and do you rely on your Favourite Person and to what degree?",6.2175879043600535,6.070462854430383,6.940210970464138,76.57307313642757,66.0253164556962,10.313361462728553,35.9099859353024,9.994966539143718,3.445921800281294,633,29,125,13,9,210,85,158,0.116,0.765,0.12,0.5588,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,0,1,3,8,0,0,4,1,18,1,0,5,3,35,31,15,0,8,8,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,10,9,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,1,2,22,6,21,24,5,14,0,0,0,1,14,7,0,6,3,96,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444807348127328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270573525793875,0.0,0.0,0.12609903934661734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133555256079098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749235765970511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075418670474232,0.2703245081403717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215115988200052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283423765061467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844782939008507,0.0,0.16041359943832215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274692879570479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604992633187015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330284507890133,0.5245892816013502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5090499666935409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324806013666745,0.0,0.09034431459823768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982803581668141,0.07699278021374488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35436328258942673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341527877498508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DarnHeather,2018/03/06,"I was diagnosed more than 12 years ago and in denial ever since. I'm finally ready to admit that along with depression and anxiety I have bpd. My brain never shuts off. Everything is RIGHT or WRONG. Nothing is ever in between. The reason why I'm accepting this now and seeking additional help is because my daughter broke down and told me all the terrible things I did to her as a child. I don't remember most of them, but I believe her. I am a terrible person sometimes. I want to be better for her. I want to be the mother she still needs and (thankfully) wants. I'm scared. I've been on most medications already and get very little relief. I'm armed with a list of things I haven't tried yet though and see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I'm considering electroshock therapy. Nothing is off the table now.",2.7076923076923087,5.211686115384616,4.399679487179489,80.88490384615386,78.87179487179488,8.002564102564103,26.41666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.4280205128205137,638,26,118,16,16,214,103,156,0.115,0.772,0.113,-0.3375,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,7,10,0,1,7,0,13,4,2,1,4,27,27,11,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,1,18,4,19,21,4,20,0,2,1,0,12,9,0,3,11,82,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356039139945794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881272044518555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702615227930163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325269473965647,0.0,0.0,0.17235146511102056,0.0,0.13529476075777164,0.0,0.0,0.19266780321055887,0.17077170750153498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175792694819188,0.1552673283237965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27675093689045743,0.0,0.0,0.1374848837796758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16757763177645893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992359901978187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253652774145786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332204982755546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154107135235987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342969876189453,0.11798445229920212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935690224618182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357266387663574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728471337052674,0.0,0.0,0.17329188492575678,0.13064059111831805,0.0,0.0,0.15315557256751094,0.0,0.12190199424839508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654325339142974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129708637062886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221667591689127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083966477709609,0.1749412848327271,0.0,0.203260794111623,0.0,0.15029805467196225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617503744722166,0.0,0.10386060114800844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622114651376515,0.2706874651978229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803696470884955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672551427996299,0.0,0.09851147039543168 bpd,throwinsecurities,2018/03/06,Does having bpd make it harder to get over an ex? I feel like I can't get over heartbreak despite all rationality until I find someone new to obsess over. It's been ~9 months since my ex and I broke up and ~5 months since we went no contact but I still think about her everyday.,0.5783743842364544,2.931200482758623,2.289704433497537,93.40431034482759,87.27586206896551,4.693596059113301,18.630541871921178,6.18269132825596,-0.18686995073891666,220,6,48,2,7,72,45,58,0.091,0.84,0.068,-0.0647,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,9,4,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,8,1,8,7,1,11,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32991689912290645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923424090371775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244980842839035,0.1871371573645683,0.0,0.0,0.2394175863911847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737161634269772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279755555076509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485368245698976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181720376215372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529929761446679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4333755517853616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194941461979226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20919363634854446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678470053675364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24283030683667006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AmyArk22,2018/03/06,"What’s been your worst BPD episode to date? (I got diagnosed with BPD about 2 weeks ago) Today I had a TERRIBLE breakdown and intense emotional dysregulation which resulted in a suicide attempt and making my ex boyfriend cry, which broke my heart. I was just wondering whether anyone else has had these horrible impulses and what a BPD episode is like for you? ",7.781307692307693,8.702080938461545,7.085961538461536,73.20278846153846,62.69230769230769,11.423076923076925,40.865384615384606,11.20814326018867,4.900769230769232,291,16,50,8,4,90,52,65,0.29,0.64,0.071,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,6,2,1,2,0,9,9,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,5,0,7,1,5,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692118272718469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347422151507873,0.19558862347531192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7212550894146276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968290831988015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937485988961766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946349732099038,0.21472474466019145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526715936161737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262047134255295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325885899949113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274200752879195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20880188745569409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094071536617984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531198644798143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701127910758932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zorbiz,2018/03/06,"Compulsion to say ""I love you,"" or maybe just hear him say it? I've been dating someone for ~3 months, and everything about them seems so perfect. I get this urge to tell him that I love him, but I feel like it's too soon. It's almost like an obsessive thought: ""I love you, I love you, I love you..."" More importantly, I don't know if I know what love feels like. If I look at my past two relationships, I said it way too soon and retrospectively, I don't think I *did* love either of them, even though I thought I did in the moment. Looking back, I don't understand what I saw in them. I am afraid I just want to hear him tell me he loves me. I want to be worthy of love from someone. *But,* I also think he's brilliant! I love spending time with him, talking to him, I'm incredibly attracted to him. How do I separate the two? How do I know that I love him *for real*? At the moment, my plan is just to never say it... I'm resisting the urge to ruin what feels like a good thing and get caught up in the language behind what I'm feeling, or the urge to run for the hills because I'm scared. EDIT: essentially, I'm pretty much looking for any advice that's even slightly relevant. Thanks!",0.4585680011995805,2.579957732793524,2.548627980206927,93.08404258509522,85.03238866396761,5.764522417153997,20.079322237216974,7.0931098945946705,0.3370804918278605,908,27,208,13,27,305,118,247,0.037000000000000005,0.606,0.35700000000000004,0.9986,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,4,3,2,16,23,0,3,9,0,11,11,0,2,2,35,53,14,0,4,10,0,4,4,0,0,0,6,0,0,14,4,0,0,13,0,1,2,4,4,0,2,8,14,44,19,25,44,3,19,0,1,4,11,38,6,0,6,14,133,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507059403360974,0.0,0.0,0.07692718616620335,0.0,0.0,0.061435364257680175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052242307463118136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907218241543935,0.0,0.04683061741713489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148179820847797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690436025564763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553761667065361,0.16464720393717033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802737443404778,0.0,0.0,0.06443552837081731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317031833696125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266598153410811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501274443720234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19353603748455087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7626938086609992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717907809812435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131942450545741,0.0,0.056473780138076926,0.0,0.05925067111700806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733362926547363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815665887134764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744144808037979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247920403703937,0.0,0.0,0.0730763115764085,0.1832783152365248,0.07691327359745706,0.0,0.0,0.06993681822777731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018383965812896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174745650722462,0.13429346128285485,0.07072834170366207,0.0,0.0,0.05103781993388594,0.09845021520464924,0.0754782552561356,0.12197783883583335,0.04479613746800569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008991142973666,0.07997550296497076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062444903198054,0.06097856020741421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SpiderOnYourNeck,2018/03/06,"Can someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder enroll Army? Hello everyone, My spouse has a BPD and she enrolled the Army. I was not supporting her to enroll the Army since it might be dangerous for her and the people there. She cheated on the documents and didn't mention anything about her mental disorder in papers and get into the army. She is serving now. But I don't feel secure about her. Actually I have 2 main questions. 1- Is it really dangerous for her and people around her or am I dramatizing it? 2- It is not related with that subreddit but can I do something to get her out of the Army? Like going to a headquarters and mentioning about her mental ilness, or anything like that? Thanks for replies!",4.329004975124377,6.736413268656715,5.584402985074629,74.91426616915426,73.02985074626865,9.242786069651741,29.82338308457712,9.725611199111238,3.3552009950248767,574,25,97,16,12,191,79,134,0.104,0.821,0.075,0.5316,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,3,0,8,0,15,0,0,0,0,19,21,10,0,0,6,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,2,1,17,5,16,17,1,7,0,0,0,0,18,5,0,4,3,78,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.1827934445717082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30829029831298665,0.16675099820721956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359180082295147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42936084422894333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898851345564798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471262332386872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572981034796985,0.0,0.10645602816943303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183026321099018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775410432918009,0.1987127282148804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259722728180106,0.16355715013394295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098368457933111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999945841831401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494977260088874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587122816806706,0.14420504706877368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125640342522816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724554525470611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Castmatthew,2018/03/06,"How do you deal with loss preemptively? Any tips to prevent a breakdown after being separated from a FP? For a bit of context: I'm meeting my Favourite Person for the first time in my life in less than a week and we're gonna be together for a week. I know that coming back home will break me and it could genuinely kill me. So I'm trying to at least be prepared for this loss. Any tips please? :) ",2.175801393728225,3.830452085365856,3.6566202090592337,89.71085365853662,76.92682926829268,6.636933797909408,23.90940766550523,7.447530270364453,0.8975310104529615,309,10,68,4,7,102,62,82,0.117,0.784,0.099,-0.5484,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,3,3,3,1,0,6,0,6,1,0,1,0,8,11,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,6,0,14,5,3,11,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491720140241903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741043139571354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802839572520505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115118020923555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049789579095573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646785749537571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837541171358266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25752230748506194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28403501428572275,0.0,0.14109274317499562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813368258375695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241677649802084,0.0,0.2818137422063847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970201642845327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430361986605847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118685358016179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slickhare,2018/03/06,"Writing out some thoughts that I want to share when I see a professional. Comments welcome. Hello. As with any mental health condition, I know there is a problem with people self-diagnosing or seeking diagnosis online. I am fully aware of the detrimental nature of those types of posts and want to avoid cluttering this sub with any of that. I understand that diagnosis is meant for a professional. I wanted to get some thoughts written down, and if people see fit to comment, you are more than welcome. As I will explain, if you decide to continue, this feels like the only place I can express said thoughts and possibly be understood. I would also like to say I am not fishing for pity, I have a problem and I know it’s up to me to fix it. I don’t remember how I came across it, but I read a description of the “favorite person” concept somewhere. It was eery how much I related to the statements. The explanation was simultaneously comforting and frightening. The idea is relevant to certain struggles I have been dealing with as long as I can remember. The description led me to this community and other relevant resources. The more I read, the more I related to. In a twisted way, I felt more understood than I ever have. It felt like the person who penned these statements somehow had access to the deepest reaches of my mind, parts of myself I tried to hide from everyone in my life. I don’t think I have been like this my whole life, but I can’t remember my brain not functioning like this. My mood changes so erratically, it can be exhausting. I often note how irrational these changes are, and I am unable to give any kind of explanation for why these changes occur. This leads me to keep most of my thoughts and feelings to myself, because I feel like no one would understand things like me seething with anger for no apparent reason. Moreover I feel like most people would be driven away if they knew how unstable I can really be. I feel like I have no baseline mood like most people seem to, at best, I feel distracted from the tumultuousness in my mind. If I ever feel some kind of calm or peace, it isn’t long until my brain goes into overdrive fabricating something for me to shift moods over. I feel like I spend so much time faking like I’m ok so that people won’t ask about me on a deeper level. I cant count the amount of times I’ve lied when someone asks how Im doing. I give some generic answer and deflect the conversation back to them which works 9 times out of 10. Meanwhile I feel hollow inside, a feeling that somehow coexists with the whirlwind of emotions inside me. Somehow I also feel nothing at all, everything feels pointless. I sometimes repeat the phrase “I want to die” over and over in my head, but I think really I just want to never have existed. I wouldn’t want my only meaning in life to be the pain I caused others by killing myself. I struggle with the idea that I am a worthwhile person. Not to sound conceited, but people in my life like and seem to value me. I have trouble accepting this because for one, my brain cant accept other’s valuation of me, and two, it feels like so much of what others see of me is just me covering all this struggle up. I can’t tell if it’s actually me that they like or just the contrivance born out of trying to hide the fact that I dont feel healthy mentally. Couple that with the fact that my mind automatically questions and ultimately breaks down any kind of external valuation. If someone says they like or even love me, I’ll spend countless hours analyzing why it must just be a means to an end, how they must just be getting some kind of benefit out of it, how I dont have any “real” worth. What is “real” worth to me? Those goalposts are constantly moving. When it comes to my favorite person (herein referred to as FP), it is most poignant. My FP has always been a love interest or significant other. Even in a situation where I have near unconditional love from someone, I will manufacture reasons that it cant work or they don’t really feel that way. Things like me not making as much money as some other men, not being as physically fit, not owning a home. Even though my partner assures me that Im doing well in these aspects, I fixate on the thought of some well-dressed, wealthy man my age, whisking her off to Europe on his private jet and leaving me humiliated. Despite my partner saying they don’t want that and it wouldn’t happen, I obsess over this and other thoughts. The praise I receive for being an empathetic, attentive lover is overshadowed in my mind by some hypothetical man’s experience in fostering attraction over connection, through experience in the bedroom and knowing how to entice women with his mysterious, aloof and rough-hewn persona. These obsessions can absolutely consume my day-to-day thought processes, wondering if my FP is secretly pining for a “better” man. I needed to write this all out. I had to seize the moment of clarity before I descend into the storm again. It often causes me to lose interest in things that I enjoy or are important to me, so I figure it’s on a matter of time before this interest in my mental health might be pushed out by more irrational, irrelevant thoughts. It’s even harder to give credence to my emotions as a male, given societal conditioning. If you read all this, thank you for hearing me, the real me. No one in my life knows how deep this runs. Once I see a professional and if I am diagnosed, hopefully that will help me dialog with the most important people in my life. The rest, however, will still see me donning the mask, until hopefully, one day, I wont need it anymore. 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I'm almost 20 years old and since I was 18 I've been sexting men. Around 7 overall. 4 in the last 2 weeks since i got out of hospital. I have a technique, a way of turning the conversation sexual without it being *too* obvious. Then i go in for the kill. I've send pictures of my boobs and vagina. Even videos of me touching myself. I've called 2 of the guys and masturbated on the phone. I've made niche fetish vids for some guys. I'll do practically anything. I don't feel anything anyway anymore. They get bored obviously. So quickly it hurts. So i make another reddit post on a throwaway and find a new guy to start again. They become my FP and i fixate on them. Then i find a new guy. Today was a rough day in general. I then began having a sexually explicit conversation with a guy and got really bored halfway through and stopped answering his texts. I'm tempted to make yet another post on some type of sub and find another guy. But I'm tired of flitting between men but it helps briefly. I literally feel unable to stop. And once the guy loses interest in me i just start again. Rinse and repeat. I feel so exhausted emotionally. I just want a guy who'll be into me for longer than a week.",1.3493891102257614,3.8777375976095634,3.5160278884462173,84.75637915006642,85.37450199203188,6.6932802124834,24.30292164674635,7.908726449838941,1.6693249933598937,991,40,195,21,30,337,143,251,0.093,0.857,0.05,-0.8399,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,3,1,13,7,1,0,17,0,11,4,2,3,3,41,30,18,1,2,5,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,10,4,14,0,2,8,1,0,2,2,6,0,0,7,6,23,1,30,19,2,38,0,2,0,2,21,11,1,3,22,113,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664333368984195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27219030219010043,0.0,0.0,0.08581058469827989,0.060501021296263974,0.08865615652120498,0.1424071222553347,0.0770265231109749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955612168033848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883527643865719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580213979848712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571952356826869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722814063860568,0.0973301526096818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714963554383388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500066920837604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372497080358029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04520628638618217,0.0,0.0491747443928669,0.0,0.13840556224054387,0.0,0.0,0.685395091666058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057996582923871776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262791891182412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572824699607063,0.0,0.0,0.0705302737552249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680050993228637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187303426938759,0.115513611558245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671347835669862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079452718148523,0.0921474121949942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573606292090098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543079895495672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315047428322886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248715756982093,0.0,0.0,0.14467929313363706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944895826205888,0.08201657181041343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941154885163326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103530214254482,0.0686803457046018,0.13881194550706175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340801803862016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055719935008401535 bpd,BeawrDino,2018/03/06,"At wits end about my BPD gf (20) Hey long time reader first time poster. I've (25m) been with my girlfriend (20f) for almost two years and she's been diagnosed with BPD for a year now. I've always had a feeling that she was manipulative but I wasn't sure till last night. Basically she called me asking me to buy her weed and when I said no she got upset and kept escalating. Eventually she said she didn't want to see me if I didn't get her weed. I caved in and bought it for her, and when I came home she acted like she didn't even know she did anything wrong. I'm constantly paying for her for the past few months now and I don't know if it's really her BPD that's making it hard for her to keep her money or she's not worried because she's figured I'd always help. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do. Please help I don't know what to do",0.3575672514619903,2.0066156105263167,2.5003508771929823,95.93690058479534,82.36842105263158,5.695906432748537,16.871345029239766,6.691623216298621,-0.452216374269006,666,12,167,7,18,225,100,190,0.086,0.821,0.092,0.28600000000000003,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,14,1,0,2,1,28,33,14,0,3,5,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,7,10,0,2,6,0,4,2,9,2,0,2,15,5,32,2,18,18,1,23,0,0,1,0,27,3,0,4,19,95,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253891729899234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202674097748697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892058855302413,0.0,0.12373826279670826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068512106370633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001064603180244,0.0,0.13515384546592196,0.15138400398768934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303359505463598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434210365736726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23446245653098646,0.0,0.0,0.08742219968274134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692493881441157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258492082386852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915237442479913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585998129519482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856811156432935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17743556210077807,0.0,0.13276736776854944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176472027897896,0.0,0.0,0.2909652729587281,0.10789065612112987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466416466521692,0.0,0.0,0.11713399003785985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835099226463114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564808799572573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242104219779298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263521170029624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452909812712696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479288325640003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518083839857422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547338274028754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474725983523932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435977461488695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929599631669936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806906084908485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441749443446446,0.0,0.0,0.144714332202314,0.0,0.17047035342430694 bpd,StrikingConsequence,2018/03/06,"Any Experience with Conversational Model Therapy? As in the title, has anyone here had any experience with [conversational model therapy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversational_model)? Everything bpd related talks about DBT, but I've been told that it doesn't seem the right fit for me, and been put on the waiting list for CM. Struggling to see how it is any different to just chatting. The info online says it's a specialised program for BPD treatment, but never gives a lot of detail that's overly illuminating. Any ideas?",9.239242424242423,11.3138705,8.902727272727274,57.35742424242426,59.90909090909091,10.866666666666667,33.984848484848484,10.864195022040775,4.234880303030304,436,17,61,11,6,140,67,88,0.05,0.912,0.038,-0.2477,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,6,0,6,0,0,1,1,13,11,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,13,7,1,7,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,2,1,39,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864537790010711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504508859414915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504710374337179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868437625237342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072472202322427,0.34986848825111194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715541395580898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018821374267744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520385120088369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792802363087786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977784851138126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527235003237887,0.0,0.1422161995152738,0.0,0.0,0.14250776958903996,0.16280401445816364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869564214027574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374022234206116,0.0,0.0,0.20451258787245905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088382093037174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,v0reos,2018/03/06,"I can’t help but feel like i’m constantly manipulating people. I’ve never made a post on reddit before, i’m fairly new but... I really need some advice. I can’t help but think everything I do or say to people is abusive/manipulative/etc because I used to be manipulative in the past. I’m afraid of saying literally anything to anyone because I fear I may sound like a bad person and I lay around regretting everything I say. I just need some help on tips of self improvement and healing, I suppose. Any sort of help is fine. I want to be a good person and I want to make people happy to be around me. ",2.930901639344264,4.570480614754097,5.417180327868851,77.9536393442623,74.81967213114754,8.158688524590165,24.49508196721311,8.841846274778883,1.8528727868852457,473,15,93,10,10,168,70,122,0.118,0.608,0.274,0.9593,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,2,4,0,9,1,0,5,1,27,21,7,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,4,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,5,14,5,14,16,2,10,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,5,6,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774750664763907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585973958514367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856467476643836,0.0,0.11600061774815235,0.2509740839463022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769829771028398,0.17185959074978815,0.0,0.11994921286727835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523310294729047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721111472997795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253377083918297,0.0,0.0,0.15862267385883885,0.0712751771576201,0.10070406444675548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823315756139492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005783763307234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779383693682665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773489745112374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338269044066484,0.09409396164224904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20904470012919604,0.10871943027269923,0.1361430371875088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345652261050284,0.2931781870236553,0.2461670776730435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500368083767636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030456931107242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33629853701581713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470552527649921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903234605236534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217468561055028,0.0,0.0,0.16628737332067056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lightswornmomma,2018/03/06,"If I had the guts Id kill myself. Everyone would be so much better off. My daughter is young enough she hopefully wouldn't even remember me. But I don't. I'm weak and broken and too selfish to do what's best for everyone",0.02390070921985909,2.315158659574468,2.528829787234045,90.88416666666667,90.06382978723406,6.5375886524822695,20.599290780141846,7.793537801064563,1.093456737588652,175,6,38,4,6,60,39,47,0.193,0.585,0.221,0.1492,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,8,9,5,1,4,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,3,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084125014498151,0.2599159887550865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036601164329534,0.0,0.19410721673523612,0.0,0.0,0.5616363734502409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918925310733783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251384442005483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603811667980455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329126077125161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876633835400707,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,derOhrenarzt,2018/03/06,"DAE have a hard time accepting love? Personal experience I’m referencing: when people say good things about me/tell me they care/love me/etc. I find some reason to write off what they say. I think this may be due to me thinking I know myself better than they do and if they knew what I knew they wouldn’t care about me. Does anyone else experience this or something like this? Is it a BPD thing?",0.7624280782508635,3.3011381772151935,1.998250863060992,93.52773302646723,91.27848101265823,5.404372842347526,16.042577675489067,6.980632752743323,-0.0735670886075952,312,7,67,5,11,99,56,79,0.017,0.7509999999999999,0.232,0.9548,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,1,3,6,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,15,14,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,1,8,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,13,6,6,9,1,4,0,0,0,1,10,1,0,4,4,40,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341661731910348,0.19550421222893555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875319268474848,0.0,0.0,0.2403146044771804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890806917045659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697639945652235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939467679185515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128001252166772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732915121561672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439404508056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003977057883104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092549943907048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048624793457074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321861076631728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722106721473672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322814760194468,0.16660522076642392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618126668853492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30347460233147205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468924695915182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535272449713348,0.24452270747459934,0.0,0.0,0.11126103478099676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweateradvice34567,2018/03/06,"How to deal with imagined and real abandonment? I get so distraught at the thought of being abandoned. I over analyaze everything and can sense even the slightest change in someones behaviour towards me and it sends me spirling and i feel awful about myself and have to stop myself from acting out. it makes me so sad and anxious and its runing any potential relationships i could have and i hate it. I dont know what to do anymore.",3.8680555555555536,6.5385775802469155,4.092083333333335,83.75812500000002,75.66666666666667,6.519135802469138,29.878086419753085,7.6454224807358475,2.1520975308641974,348,16,60,5,8,108,58,81,0.278,0.722,0.0,-0.9762,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,2,1,7,0,0,2,0,21,13,11,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,1,11,0,12,10,0,8,0,3,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613965853460334,0.0,0.0,0.29261418208197315,0.25687412138122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740044226946217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680307815543852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267033965732147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035646445700165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107752463401565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23278674256266746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096619520216432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532508998964002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557245254840401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234833610022646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728950896962628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948167405798975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780860865601375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946328730114772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165488467211432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562965080074772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,craftyqueer,2018/03/06,"Has anyone done exposure therapy for anxiety? I've just finished a DBT program and now I'm starting with a new therapist (she's also trained in DBT but does CBT as well) and she is recommending that I do exposure therapy for social anxiety. My anxiety is definitely a huge issue and I do want to work on it, but I'm nervous about exposure therapy. I've tried it in the past and it made my BPD symptoms and self-destruction so much worse. I'm worried that exposure therapy could push me back to self-harm and where I was before I started DBT. I expressed this concern to my new therapist and she thinks that as long as I am using my DBT skills I should be able to manage the increase in BPD symptoms, but I'm not sure. Does anyone have experience with exposure therapy?",7.064934210526317,6.354790888157897,8.277894736842107,69.55526315789477,64.46052631578948,12.6,39.39473684210526,11.93303328291395,4.913247368421051,613,31,114,19,8,212,85,152,0.121,0.807,0.07200000000000001,-0.7484,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,9,3,0,1,5,0,12,2,0,2,1,21,22,15,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,0,15,2,16,16,2,17,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,9,74,22,3,0.10767967441336933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861113967247766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471239685819935,0.0,0.0,0.15058426405392694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279902295424839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162747194300727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27123756083587325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597345804422303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846241743932046,0.11019369250930916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053313836858259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238960402985723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529312337408784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188911151553563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915695047596001,0.0,0.0,0.20799540108590805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279243343668877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466676895504484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976586764327646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243245554805085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148681879799858,0.22384082305289732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6157054603418319,0.25004880280820424,0.0,0.0689967874493995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310743064721215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930006656592195,0.0,0.0,0.06351226185316874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681695910664306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839208543166551,0.1093539362625576,0.10973478755917204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mrsabf,2018/03/06,"Wow. I had no idea this community existed. I was in tears reading some of your posts. I’ve never met anyone else who was essentially living my existence. For years I have questioned why I can’t just be like others, why I flutter around from job to job, college major to major, friends, relationships at 28 years old. Why do I *love* this person but also fucking *hate* them. I had to grow up really fast, my dad was abusive, I became an alcoholic (in recovery 2 years now! one life change I am proud of). I still don’t feel like I have anything together. I feel like I’m a child existing in an adult body 90% of the time. I worry that my husband will leave me because I eventually always force people out. I’m writing this and ranting because it is interesting to me to say these things to people who might understand. I just wish I could maintain some sort of balance. When I am happy I try to appreciate it as best I can because I know it won’t last. That’s the hardest part. I am never consistently happy. When I was young I used to say that I could work with most parts of the diagnosis because it allows me to feel things in ways others don’t. Most people will never feel love the way a person with BPD does, at the same time, most people will never feel hate the way a person with BPD does. I’m glad I found you guys- ",1.7370287141073677,3.955860880149814,3.6464419475655454,86.53260923845194,80.64794007490636,6.352559300873907,22.24843945068665,7.526774132740827,0.9690963795255928,1033,33,210,16,27,348,146,267,0.071,0.7440000000000001,0.185,0.9882,2,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,3,8,16,3,0,11,0,25,6,1,2,4,37,44,6,0,3,3,2,5,3,1,5,2,2,0,6,17,6,1,0,10,1,0,1,9,3,0,1,8,7,34,13,29,28,11,31,0,0,0,3,22,9,1,8,20,140,51,5,0.0,0.1048049792523561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453173631663662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073761277903326,0.07360183455768109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184995114704439,0.09063283283880456,0.07279111464377484,0.07874390529891223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156859405707658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282830309571287,0.0,0.0,0.09825381598391833,0.2228125228401613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357390103139196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412486015955396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481552982855487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389299152365451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236281018347561,0.1263848631591382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698659035872584,0.0683402886726422,0.08177543167207625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758458127587726,0.0,0.1883244671344847,0.0,0.17466244671249195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985518405951316,0.0,0.0,0.17555632713231722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048612679252521294,0.07210281566631513,0.0,0.09366131307605316,0.0,0.0,0.06247854250149925,0.12964426705787535,0.0,0.07810758569028782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596685911146876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383701699222312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27288849547913663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281888057880812,0.0,0.05993955080460678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157678108551232,0.0,0.24529486637764464,0.23170707605184634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471565582971571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909009775664153,0.0,0.08847916387183051,0.0,0.056666683205518376,0.0,0.0,0.09496780995752946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068629310003253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064045825000634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175314442159564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315790797356574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005529252906144,0.0,0.0,0.09208501046426693,0.0,0.07639691522622055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063492494402172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394512511130209,0.0,0.10171914522741174,0.0,0.0,0.06439645848422901,0.08983057636293325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088679749604171 bpd,l0serpatrol,2018/03/06,"Anger outbursts? Does anyone else get huge mood swings? I can be so happy one moment, and the next moment I can be raging mad. One thing can trigger me, and I have learnt to not show friends that side of me, just loved ones. My boyfriend for instance see’s that side very frequently, and it’s almost like everything he says/does makes it worse. My way to cope with my anger is to shut people out for that moment, and ignore the situation, and he keeps going and keeps fighting me and when I don’t get my space I blow right up. I go into this panic mode when I get so angry I don’t realize what I’m saying or doing. I start hitting myself, or wanting to hurt myself, or punch things or scream. I can’t explain it, just curious is anyone else deals with these anger outbursts, and how do you cope? I cannot stand feeling so angry inside, and I feel like I can not control it. ",3.4623336214347447,4.566745112359556,4.26797752808989,88.85079083837515,72.59550561797751,6.600518582541054,23.2428694900605,6.67199483983844,0.5695785652549699,682,17,143,5,13,219,103,178,0.241,0.672,0.087,-0.9849,0,0,0,0,2,2,22.0,0,1,0,1,8,16,6,1,2,0,15,1,0,4,0,34,32,19,0,1,8,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,12,13,0,4,4,1,0,2,6,10,0,3,0,5,23,5,12,29,0,21,0,1,1,1,9,9,0,5,10,90,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320294735429493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395609761999024,0.31352405088135915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715975234945424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773169835252676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338874404861663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25561630712175004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750253889122266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471829839599358,0.1093000544797434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820398564147352,0.0,0.2398015872091525,0.0,0.1739017984545659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628666123707356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378490508439225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719789565614812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494917993417169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380844609972376,0.0,0.1021257204484566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271250757249986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110212412155231,0.0,0.0,0.17950731810245546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606785333509064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065736732051084,0.0,0.1216682054798338,0.0,0.0,0.12191764828429395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197341316640913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829104071596077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032868958320048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623735519329418,0.09024074183645474,0.12144074955521345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591554049041306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kaleidoskies,2018/03/06,"Does anyone go to college? I mean obviously I'm sure some of us do! I'm almost 23 and want to go study art/and or psychology, they are my passions, I've been a bit nervous though if I can handle it, or I won't be able to follow through the full 4 years, which If I go I definitely want too. I want to go for 4 years and then get my masters to teach art professionally, I'd love it, but get nervous :/ Haha... Whats your experience? :)",0.3989247311827953,2.1366740537634428,3.5389247311827963,88.09505376344086,82.65591397849462,6.2838709677419375,22.161290322580648,7.3871296695380915,0.6845612903225802,329,11,78,5,9,119,63,93,0.08,0.746,0.174,0.6815,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,1,1,2,6,0,2,2,1,6,2,0,0,2,15,20,9,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,5,1,2,0,0,1,0,11,4,8,17,3,9,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,6,3,43,15,3,0.21438623040094915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146768417197304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990383702448454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23405423805097414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876108349471827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097108708244437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240159138382972,0.0,0.4873625410779111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349194313412946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335294543836955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020564849960741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063338287058694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578802384920197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793516597385335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761154068990925 bpd,Heksetimen,2018/03/06,"Venting over sadness, asking for coping mechanisms This is probably one of the most ridiculous reasons to get triggered into a depression episode, but I was with a friend and her boyfriend at a bar, and he said he'd go for a smoke and kissed her and said ""I love you"" and I just go incredibly sad because my bf never says it. I ended up ditching the bar and going to cry in a hot dog stand (which feels as incredibly pathetic as it sounds) My relationships was never too great to start with but at least the first year he would constantly tell me he loved me and then the past year he stopped completely. He refuses to reassure me or be supportive when I'm having crisis. Not too long ago we had a fight and he just went into ignoring me because he didn't want to be having to deal with me or reassure me that he wanted to be with me. So he left me talking(texting) by myself for almost an hour in which I grew increasingly distressed. I ended having self harm episode most of the night and stayed up crying. And the next day he acted like nothing without even asking how I was or anything. I know I should probably just break up because is very obvious he doesnt love me nor care about me, or he wouldn't have left me talking alone. But I find it very hard to do, and I don't like the idea of never talking again. I'm obviously not ready to break up, but what can i do to cope with the sadness. I don't want to be feeling so miserable whenever I hear or see someone expressing love. Would really like to avoid going to cry to another hot dog stand(or any other types of stands) Has anyone find anything that works for dealing with feelings intensity? I always try the distraction thing and doing other activities but lately i don't find the energy to push myself into doing something else, and mostly spend most of the time out of work in bed. I try watching series but there's always romantic scenes in most of them that just make me feel sort of sad... Any series or film anyone can recommend? Or any other coping mechanisms that work? Going out or doing an activity that requires a lot of body effort is not an option because of how hard i'm finding it to even get out of bed. Any recommendation will be appreciated, and hope you are all having a decent/good day.",5.793146905294558,6.062989149888146,6.6263982102908265,77.04184936614469,66.89709172259508,9.664727815063387,30.64951528709918,9.53975657930432,2.676377479492916,1798,63,344,34,27,597,216,447,0.173,0.701,0.126,-0.9672,0,2,2,0,1,0,37.0,1,2,1,6,17,28,2,4,22,0,37,8,1,5,6,92,71,37,0,8,22,0,8,3,2,5,0,5,2,1,17,27,2,5,11,3,1,10,14,13,0,2,8,15,40,15,59,52,9,58,0,6,2,5,43,19,0,18,27,235,57,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864109085960099,0.0,0.07753955530728877,0.08019888097489747,0.0,0.0,0.12886356211966427,0.0,0.0,0.2106327029908448,0.08119691803152669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828812990373464,0.0,0.1274441375004935,0.0,0.14478177530466568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888136265088416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601237180858003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789497240541754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118869313064603,0.08367928138057612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551747793356216,0.09987780757972227,0.15966332187897644,0.06669429789087825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468666277573479,0.0,0.13716812379457566,0.0,0.0,0.10228963123476942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661301904045166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830952453689198,0.06586582169896336,0.0,0.0,0.05982577124311478,0.0,0.08091275333487002,0.0,0.22003930655657156,0.06494845924909709,0.0,0.08537190755013342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873236377181414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727440938278314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691001876660085,0.07625747198472316,0.0,0.0,0.08741422541539565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042556024929998416,0.0,0.08734958901039823,0.0,0.1682658146626678,0.0,0.0,0.11349188618646586,0.0,0.0,0.06852717438769282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583211833380953,0.2795509586590809,0.0,0.0516881893316122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916698578361515,0.0,0.0823525636940156,0.07266711605144964,0.0,0.07430057640213622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247168141224095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739200769419497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697516721328448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960658042869115,0.07961565402694934,0.0,0.08313576931455319,0.0,0.0,0.14731605263422431,0.06157909303223121,0.0,0.0,0.061705341805289825,0.0,0.08078116400311146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561007582857298,0.059612929590926914,0.0,0.0,0.05480860052555445,0.08253496868994388,0.0,0.06473878355092846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787185375974649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447797865846863,0.06768124370265842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514441000477622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04515273145762543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514600574756572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778329077729564,0.13701878025395026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717826396267901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464418036970301,0.0,0.16911990872317476,0.0,0.0,0.11001462039194748,0.0,0.0,0.09973067282403104 bpd,FunctioningAlias,2018/03/06,"How can I be a better person with BPD? Sometimes, I don't like who I am as a person, and this makes me feel intense shame. I often get very angry or very sad extremely quickly if I perceive that someone has slighted me. I hurt my friends because I over-analyze their actions to me and assume their actions are malicious towards me. I am impulsive and because of this I don't always anticipate how my actions might hurt other people. I know I have a good conscience, and I was raised to be a good person, so I get very depressed when I reflect on how I lashed out at people. How do you guys handle the extreme mood swings without hurting the people around you? Does anyone else feel like this? I'm so tired of laying awake at night, running over in my mind all the people I've hurt because of my inability to control my mood.",6.3775135501355,5.915644054878051,6.986178861788616,77.4309078590786,65.76829268292683,8.75230352303523,35.29539295392953,7.793537801064563,2.6814506775067755,651,28,121,6,9,215,96,164,0.203,0.708,0.08800000000000001,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,2,2,10,15,0,1,7,0,13,1,0,6,1,26,20,14,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,4,6,7,0,1,6,0,0,4,3,7,0,0,1,2,28,6,17,16,1,15,0,6,0,0,10,8,0,5,5,87,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172654252072026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854840334222032,0.1252654200667313,0.0,0.1088334995829449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357783406266796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081252384705827,0.0,0.0,0.15397678410505872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712017181794245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529866191322207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698679368942964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212895628740548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363231838898342,0.08733950202054955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094454456513412,0.0,0.12774712272728922,0.0,0.0,0.2050845744997556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105237165437192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5235090546530303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718853969804563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945592683196002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160663423192645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969398597797238,0.12344341360904156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472869986321567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390268572059087,0.3202469050668529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035868644134668,0.0,0.12091402100202085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405149514790439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026212875589254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785013953365155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Dezzydoll,2018/03/07,"I struggle with procrastinating to the point of no return. End up with worse consequences. My current mood revolves around the response to not refilling my prescription for anti-depressants on time and now having to function in the world without that safety net. Even with the safety net I've been struggling with my depression the last few months, but now I'm lashing out on top of being sad. My fp is probably the only reason my suicidal ideation isn't overwhelming me even when I feel like sleeping most of the time. If I'm being honest here, he probably saved my life. Anyways, how do you motivate yourself when you don't feel like doing anything? What methods do you use to convince yourself to get back to being a functioning person when it feels like you want to disconnect from the world? ",8.391785714285714,8.3483511292517,7.871488095238098,71.3558035714286,61.51700680272109,10.887414965986398,38.10289115646259,10.411451182825502,4.109272789115646,644,29,106,13,8,203,96,147,0.136,0.701,0.163,0.7599,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,2,12,12,0,3,9,0,11,2,1,4,0,21,19,7,1,2,4,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,3,13,6,23,15,2,23,0,3,0,0,6,10,0,2,16,77,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341917065178588,0.14516578131346666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253898214553053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280901791938534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444305322539905,0.0,0.0,0.2154107743782727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24735741517969875,0.3494890938615659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851967039207491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292281518638482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518029748623684,0.23900149794231984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015993951954946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402115067266248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423853634692655,0.0,0.0,0.15415269977319232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35163143748952297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676618585828697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318654016742626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409497769076805,0.0,0.17837077145799407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901734267915745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408390636285369,0.0,0.0,0.09618218778248044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571924788678258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618101190739276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shernandez9870,2018/03/07,"Have any of you ever left the city or town where you grew up to get a fresh start somewhere else? I think about leaving and dream about ""my perfect life"" I may have somewhere else if no one knew my past, or what I have done, lied about, etc. I just really want a fresh start. Has anyone done this and been happy? Did you keep up the bad behaviour or did you truly help yourself?",2.8479653679653687,4.191310441558444,3.207207792207793,94.9260497835498,74.45454545454545,6.172294372294372,20.62554112554113,6.42735559955562,-0.018877056277055715,292,6,66,2,6,90,54,77,0.092,0.6659999999999999,0.241,0.9087,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,0,2,14,17,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,6,0,10,2,7,10,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,5,4,45,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149538544774377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375816890928867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836060919650669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500650978914215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3673940192740037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24524499462255964,0.0,0.19891081477823866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148879088154748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340860800243301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739335307585807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954559220697111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23284079824049686,0.2389204022228595,0.0,0.1553208387879343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900893866594478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099180341618576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087263265784508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31129063046084765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409021024274335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297018536058094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ohsouwant2bpdeeznuts,2018/03/07,"Still have to live with my ""ex"" gfwBPD for three months. She's diagnosed, but haven't gotten much treatment. How am I supposed to make it? We're going through the motions so to speak. There's an 8 y/o boy involved (from one of her previous relationships) and we've settled on the fact that it's not going to work out after 2,5 years together. These past few weeks have been horrendous, she went to a psychiatrist after I gave her an ultimatum. They wanted to admit her to a psyche ward, but she refused. She's been to two appointments, unclear whether or not she'll continue going. Last three days she's been horny, wearing her smile, and yesterday I had no choice but to finally tell her that it isn't going to happen. There are too many feelings involved for me, and I can't jeopardise my own well-being just to have sex even though I want to, and even though I miss her. She didn't take it too well and took to the couch for the night, and that's where she'll be spending her nights from now on apparently. She's shutting me out. Even though I gave her a rational explanation last night, she tried telling me tonight that ""she understands why I think she's off-putting and just plain nasty"". It's bs. She's just fishing for sympathy from my end. Thing is, due to our lease, I have to stay here for three months even though I really don't think I can bare it. I'm already looking at other apartments, but I can't afford to pay double rent. Obviously I'm the one to go because of the kid, but she says she'll terminate the contract come april 1st, and that obliges me to pay rent until the three months of termination are up. I'm just incredibly pissed and at my wit's end. I'm hoping some of you might have any tips as to how I should progress? Maybe someone who's been in a similar situation themselves? Three months!? I don't know what to do or where to turn... Sorry if I'm being offensive, I really don't mean to. I just don't have any patience left..",4.525839160839162,5.152380247474749,5.159595959595958,85.19849650349651,69.75757575757575,8.718570318570317,28.362082362082358,8.841846274778883,1.920170473970474,1542,52,330,26,26,497,202,396,0.075,0.863,0.062,-0.8424,4,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,1,1,1,2,26,5,2,0,14,0,33,4,2,3,2,49,65,27,0,5,16,1,1,0,0,5,1,2,3,2,16,13,0,1,7,0,5,9,12,3,1,8,11,4,50,2,48,47,5,49,0,1,1,1,41,13,1,7,26,218,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912066636806357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448866860185987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027861030717215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517958654043091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637718320732628,0.0,0.0,0.10036491496138784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516328738894266,0.0,0.0,0.2612471116061649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049998590241192416,0.0,0.0,0.10832230414630876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809895420670365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874425650164206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821386593053204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054343917659090274,0.16120689243251568,0.0,0.0,0.10743747321218734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873161543566474,0.0,0.08303743738141843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600566452353344,0.10025259229067296,0.09934200805222418,0.10771338199494396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490002203562036,0.0,0.0,0.31571223254230313,0.0,0.07269092686082135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783870752298445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401236317496187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439571908548276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940547091669023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669491225274224,0.0,0.0,0.10616413092122348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863631922318166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114946721142624,0.0,0.0,0.08378387230244465,0.0,0.0,0.11069225158251368,0.0,0.10539691030494162,0.07896868277095931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743482665043329,0.0,0.17285749507348214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569396323176971,0.1267214161222425,0.3886110913058485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986347392532234,0.06713556879345682,0.1075571143119386,0.0965950459453134,0.10294146101908264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664838408690685,0.0,0.07931857192758808,0.0,0.1778167160556666,0.0916662179714203,0.08922719527729832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198854066909842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367788674987761 bpd,tag9423,2018/03/07,"This might be a corny analogy but.... For my comic book nerds...you know how Batman had a contingency plan for if the members of Justice League turned evil? I just realized I have a plan for everyone in my life if they chose abandon me. The plans are just how I would cope/try to move through my life now that that individual person isn’t there any more. It seems so silly now that I’m typing it out...but the fear of getting close to someone and then the loneliness of staying isolated because of it is actually so crippling. I’ll end it because I’m already over-analyzing but it really was helpful to find this community. I have not even yet been diagnosed officially but there’s obviously something going on and I can’t deny it any longer. It’s difficult to convince myself to go see someone because I feel like I’d feel so stupid trying to explain it. The splitting, the depression, trying to decipher if my emotional reactions are normal..... all of it is so confusing and debilitating. Occasionally I’ll be fine for some time (which makes me underestimate the seriousness) and then I’ll pay for all that great time with the absolute hell of a rabbit-hole episode. I’m pressing post instead of delete. Lol",3.5587944664031603,6.038917978260872,5.212490118577076,76.31233201581028,75.73913043478261,8.529644268774703,30.019762845849804,9.218907990703514,3.040043478260869,965,45,174,25,22,326,139,230,0.16699999999999998,0.728,0.105,-0.947,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,3,15,14,3,2,12,1,15,3,0,3,3,34,29,18,0,5,9,0,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,16,6,0,1,7,2,1,3,3,9,0,0,3,4,14,5,23,22,4,16,1,2,1,0,4,3,1,7,9,112,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.1525013383110248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245276190798986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125439948056162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857903963778295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345989706555604,0.15861529589061846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578774299970368,0.1384127942969882,0.0,0.0,0.10321781252921683,0.0,0.0,0.14932695156679548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758522238565054,0.15803413350714327,0.11164251146157313,0.0,0.0,0.142832032981606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164695975658734,0.0,0.17762876349480874,0.0,0.0,0.17229315312608218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047474820548923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588436091106329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207625572547584,0.07634781153980079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431442115887768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578251514001222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609502833618311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311579883641746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645283803368954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496677424896175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001134261038125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453051840399484,0.14226640678745026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648216999182776,0.12030772066645562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656779035190564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18224979851881887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31830031778702383,0.16998174629343907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101289862925164,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaytothetenth,2018/03/07,"The symptoms of my stimulant comedowns are remarkably similar to those of Borderline Personality Disorder. I take a prescription stimulant for ADHD. Whenever I come down, I get a LOT of the BPD symptoms. I idealize a person and spend hours analyzing everything they've ever said to me, thinking of the perfect things to say. Or I get paranoid and cyber-stalk the SHIT out of them, trying to confirm some belief that they have a manipulative agenda, and that they hate me and that I should cut them out of my life altogether. I'm talking google searching their name and looking at the 12th page of google at 6am. I also compulsively obsess over my appearance, shaving my beardline to ""perfection,"" tweezing hairs, planning a new diet, etc. I also push my hair into the ""perfect"" position (there is no perfect position. It never stops. I used to think I had trichotillomania because of this.) I have identity crisises, I think about my purpose in life, etc. I just want to say...... sorry. I could not imagine my life like this, feeling such a way every single waking moment. I hope every single one of you finds peace. ",5.8687788778877925,7.675529574257427,6.894673267326732,69.61682838283829,67.61386138613861,9.743102310231023,34.25874587458746,10.047579312681364,3.914448448844885,882,42,140,22,15,295,128,202,0.109,0.779,0.112,0.162,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,5,6,8,11,3,1,12,0,7,10,4,4,6,39,23,8,0,5,3,0,3,1,0,1,5,3,0,2,8,9,1,1,7,0,1,3,3,4,0,1,2,7,30,7,26,19,7,18,1,0,1,0,13,8,1,5,7,105,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555723793122915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203285715884193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839754363532661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350021777924532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186655251617901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998781767495308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788154651409664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30727111362097903,0.0,0.12460916411817236,0.2321325598646984,0.0,0.1238071794022548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965411795587988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590747394111804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394477545870815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600659494445158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682386182145082,0.13566297313428752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919056952193731,0.06730115010788093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568125081563035,0.0,0.0,0.1171161417819096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624675128571093,0.13304664469875188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933477614779283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405683345714316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103852757386036,0.21909991575222826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140566131410415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420777088587084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517108586258293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28636470131851144,0.10357617884676763,0.11072392144036236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151968169224513,0.264807520278125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093528013594309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897788562737513,0.0,0.0,0.08125269397954145,0.10934515673794852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Andyyy22,2018/03/07,"Does anyone else end up at this point? Here is a pattern I have noticed when I get really suicidal. Something happens I don’t like, I start to believe that I’m just not compatible with the world, and then I want to kill my self. ",2.3830851063829783,4.074604702127663,4.056329787234045,86.90875,76.44680851063829,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.6125787234042557,179,7,38,3,4,60,41,47,0.197,0.725,0.079,-0.8268,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,5,8,0,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754325568937952,0.27481956295373683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021882157197109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347181198760809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240605197896931,0.0,0.2375602620167824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013208281187506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718301895756402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967418849868041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103706348768987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053663322508773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535513452537468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718263969556822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798083688210178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648621241502502,0.0,0.0,0.1898450622700544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29338538425642285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582010768385998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aimlessAscendant,2018/03/07,"How to stop obsessing over something you don’t even know is going to happen? My boyfriend might be leaving for awhile in a couple months, and it’s not confirmed he’s leaving, and we haven’t been dating long but I cannot stop obsessing over the idea of him leaving. I’m not sure I can do long distance with how needy I am, but I don’t want to lose him. I’m afraid that I’m wrecking our relationship with this, and I don’t know how to cope and stop having these episodes? Sorry, this is kinda all over the place but I just- don’t know what to do. I’m tired of bringing it up all the time, and worrying over it. ",4.049538461538464,4.043429761538462,4.72596153846154,90.12278846153843,70.61538461538461,7.730769230769233,27.01923076923077,7.1686216300943375,1.0420769230769231,479,14,111,4,8,154,72,130,0.229,0.76,0.011,-0.9786,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,2,1,0,1,5,5,0,3,4,0,16,1,0,3,3,30,27,11,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,3,4,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,1,0,12,1,16,24,2,17,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,2,8,73,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115969135763216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813947079040433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304925192076367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478235027817402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482671140495494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26993856323390564,0.0,0.0,0.5200865426696167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897846940532498,0.0,0.1831675008371625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368739962851393,0.0,0.0,0.1306845214068811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105880992723313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578043813248248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604426431908433,0.0,0.1832778388727472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106467708390141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430980586272094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546994012251632,0.18817893788434475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656982958518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627168803651973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brexvii,2018/03/07,Looking for good audio books I have 2 credits on Audible and looking for some good audio books. I listened to one self-help type book but it was meant more for people who kinda already had their shit together or were at least emotionally stable. Any suggestions?,5.372499999999999,7.7029312500000024,5.560833333333335,76.56750000000002,69.83333333333334,8.133333333333335,30.75,8.841846274778883,2.859525,212,9,34,4,4,67,41,48,0.094,0.745,0.161,0.1406,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,6,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,6,3,3,6,4,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,3,0,22,5,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31709275695268024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954047025428547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32322486140294604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4820233204048343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926015420173932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.482595475741444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471265672791632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920909680240545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997638846951445,0.0,0.29495588919234383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,darkbluepotato,2018/03/07,Why am I like this I catfished a guy I was seeing to see what he really felt about me and then was like heartbroken when he found out and blocked me from everything. Why do I have to do this kind of stuff to myself ,1.5217391304347814,3.1006274782608725,3.003695652173913,94.01032608695654,78.56521739130434,7.208695652173913,20.195652173913047,8.07648339933343,0.5941043478260868,168,4,40,3,4,55,33,46,0.132,0.764,0.103,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,6,10,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,7,3,7,6,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,4,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448847700228731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616206627501369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987569809659588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2697950818186953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28374287932977243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662370105839456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455575181287855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43425780356604987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119209905316549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917362466051581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ellisel,2018/03/07,Do you disclose your DX to a new employer? I'm job hunting right now and am unsure whether to be upfront about it? I think whilst employers do tend to understand depression and anxiety they are not so understanding when it comes to pds. I will likely need to organise my shifts around therapy sessions and I'm tempted to come up with another reason for needing those days free. Thoughts?,5.045416666666668,7.294608263888893,5.478888888888887,77.155,70.52777777777777,9.8,35.611111111111114,10.125756701596842,4.1600111111111095,313,17,54,9,6,100,59,72,0.163,0.795,0.042,-0.8546,3,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,16,17,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,11,14,0,10,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,35,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378941335973913,0.1735557734386956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019633818552474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908587347783507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631309337726006,0.0,0.19540374927132545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22513456374266655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083776161791424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33644409759887123,0.0,0.2191135257799522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326128004238805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937466830483696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594468792158455,0.0,0.0,0.1453698426657391,0.0,0.180110314674402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4723616402042001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,writeyourdeath,2018/03/07,"Splitting on my job? My job hasn't gotten worse but lately I feel like it's killing me to work here. I walked out on Sunday but they just offered me a raise so I came back but I still hate it and feel like walking out. I know if I leave I'll still have to get a shittier job and I'll have to worry more but I still don't have the motivation to stay. I've been really depressed lately but I don't know why I feel this way.",-1.1601929824561417,0.8247077789473707,1.2848684210526322,99.9511622807018,92.26315789473685,4.4298245614035086,15.285087719298248,5.985473137389443,-0.8415438596491231,329,7,83,3,12,111,55,95,0.27,0.649,0.08,-0.9706,3,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,7,5,2,0,3,0,7,0,0,1,0,18,16,9,1,1,7,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,3,3,14,2,8,13,1,16,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,9,51,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470122178534195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854829988558303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396795858303099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459990095892064,0.2317132097824695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847288316363731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601125132574263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4827957918452975,0.0,0.17942067732098455,0.0,0.17825235814108512,0.0,0.3658769880262563,0.1717180597645317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584593202011888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389233904335347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285511067214784,0.388535309825906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872558029256334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633613708408308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806406021277832,0.1646948112722586,0.16526840043203156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tinyeri,2018/03/07,"Freaking out and feeling rejected I'm new to Reddit so this is my first time postning. I just feel like I need to vent a bit, or I dont know. So basically I have been talking to this guy, we have met before but stopped talking for a couple of years but have reconnected. We have been texting almost daily but now he hasn't responded in two days and I'm freaking out. I try to distract myself but I just can't stop thinking about it and I feel really anxious and desperate because I'm so afraid that he doesn't wanna talk to me anymore and it feels like he hates me. All I want to do is to text him again and ask what's going on but I know that if I do that I will just regret it later or feel even more stupid if he doesn't answer. I just don't know how to manage this and I can feel myself spiralling out of control and I'm trying my hardest not no self harm. Do any of you have any advice? Sorry for the long post and I apologise if my English is bad, it's not my first language. ",0.9770754716981144,2.7640057641509443,3.0713584905660376,91.92222641509436,80.98113207547169,5.560754716981132,21.92075471698113,6.508806274219699,0.3515181132075473,770,24,172,7,20,261,115,212,0.171,0.74,0.08800000000000001,-0.9658,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,1,0,3,12,12,2,2,3,0,21,0,0,2,1,51,41,23,0,7,16,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,14,0,3,11,0,0,1,9,10,0,3,3,6,26,2,20,37,3,19,0,2,0,0,16,5,0,6,14,119,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349792347967718,0.0,0.0,0.13679949845241532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858048322087524,0.0,0.0,0.15433528557954287,0.1354846870349525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771593909867815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114067243203237,0.08327881590572908,0.0,0.1162487164414884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914744468728947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322456620526545,0.0,0.15116113654566835,0.0,0.08810492869920096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601109549038916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023246389758187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144578022974249,0.1951945819824516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324081260942547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764106115250499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526964624494905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348783486482416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252389574642697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348570328351894,0.0,0.0,0.12089936612928152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129778048566146,0.0,0.13194295274788848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083874614184735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751862576063096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251852072446913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292853625449254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22843136216320284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294162246874843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753693416934884,0.0,0.0,0.07966090329872094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550429898054466,0.0,0.1334523308963554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805786601131915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797513713215037 bpd,endlessthrowawayacct,2018/03/07,"2018 has been nothing but great so far, up until today It's always minor inconveniences that set **that** mindset off in the most mysterious ways. Does anyone else notice that it seems like everyone is in the same mood on a day by day basis? One day, society will be in a great mood, kind, respectful to others, and the next day, everyone feels the need to be an ass to everyone else, for no particular reason what so ever? 2017 was rough for me to say the least, and ended on a really bad note. 2018 swung around, and I truly have never been happier. Everything has been fantastic. But today, for whatever reason, just really brought me down and here I am, 430 am, writing on the internet to strangers because I feel like there's no one else in the world to talk to. Life seems hopeless out of nowhere, everything that couldve gone wrong today (again, minor inconveniences) went wrong. All in one single day, as opposed to being spread out. And none of the emotions even remotely hit until the very end of the day. I only want to be nice to other people and do what I can to help others, but I feel people see it as strange or as if I want something in return, and I perceive them as vilifying me and not wanting to talk to me anymore. I expect nothing in return, and only want to be helpful if I can. I'm so appreciative of the people around me that actually stick around, but at the same time I know they see me as 'weird' or just not quite all there. And if I tell them how appreciative I am, they tend to back away and leave me in the dark for a bit. The emotional instability/ feeling things in extremes that comes along with all of this really skews my perspective and I hate it so much... I just wish I could explain feelings more efficiently to others. It's a lonely ass place in my head, and though I'd never wish it upon another person, I just wish the people I know could see it from my perspective sometimes, to know how I'm ACTUALLY feeling. I'm not really wanting advice or anything like that, just needed somewhere to get my thoughts out for the night so I might be able to catch a little bit of sleep :/",4.7706387362637335,5.642342918269229,5.833612637362638,79.70067307692308,69.33653846153845,8.923626373626375,27.83791208791209,9.140100540675403,2.1878402472527467,1658,54,324,31,28,551,199,416,0.124,0.7170000000000001,0.159,0.9413,0,2,1,0,0,1,53.0,0,0,4,1,23,17,1,0,23,0,24,5,4,4,6,83,61,38,0,16,18,0,7,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,22,22,0,1,16,0,0,5,8,7,0,3,8,11,34,8,66,42,13,59,0,2,3,2,13,29,2,10,26,233,56,0,0.07190529597921626,0.0,0.1403383928241409,0.0,0.0,0.07026502303026813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983096646787028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539897237246017,0.0,0.0,0.0713107320819776,0.050277854830074194,0.07367547310545536,0.059171931862615365,0.19203287468858465,0.0,0.0,0.0675573925500749,0.055290734158980254,0.06003791865642603,0.04383280102810228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700391980184494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194004555606824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482105570443756,0.0,0.0,0.27823780397926184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292480907265086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802029443137438,0.16176755957674166,0.12737349923002916,0.0,0.0,0.0474927698392748,0.06504245686908605,0.0,0.20612577522571232,0.12924768709173914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814486895697816,0.05136915781490958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0375675493674944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855168533016065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099159318006902,0.07379557835306813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639320839256142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487830067729026,0.11855181055269222,0.0,0.0,0.07613732613686894,0.0,0.0,0.050788837042357336,0.10538788661595752,0.07206799677022156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628015593424853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052858666074118286,0.1066337317197836,0.11091559416011793,0.0,0.07647209802169383,0.06747824927815907,0.0,0.13799014157722952,0.08186465605743055,0.0,0.0,0.14617466843761062,0.10937443553785177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994003140435304,0.06278493093249272,0.07512573003617122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648013327172838,0.0,0.0,0.18425749537847486,0.1478612401535367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05718197742992656,0.0,0.0,0.1718976338561448,0.13091976177085687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195722512402672,0.0,0.0,0.055356209819718935,0.07111617633710225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558950636778365,0.06284839804004734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777068357103465,0.0,0.07064658821645144,0.057084773107995875,0.04192855633255371,0.0,0.20447343876816312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932939971464458,0.21205803285260352,0.05707507703227008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665692976106727,0.0,0.0,0.24806262522460054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572343065416067,0.0,0.0 bpd,latinaxbella,2018/03/07,The worst thing is that I cant stop picking fights I literally cannot stop picking fights with my boyfriend which is my fp. Can anyone else relate to this? Its like i get an urge atleast twice a week to pick a fight and i cant control it. I call him 10+ times during fights and start sending a bunch of angry texts. Then i get over it in a few hours to a day and regret everything. It's like the anger is a form of anxiety and i have to act it out to get rid of it.,0.6969123931623926,2.0486257211538472,2.5320512820512806,97.4907264957265,80.25,5.776068376068378,20.20940170940171,6.42735559955562,-0.15502649572649618,361,9,92,3,9,120,66,104,0.17,0.684,0.146,-0.6858,0,0,0,0,4,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,9,0,8,0,0,4,0,13,12,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,0,0,10,2,12,12,4,13,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,10,59,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946300233546624,0.0,0.0,0.17789584918350154,0.26068257876927936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597904913256336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853528130249029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407936317467314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21253462989094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286556091931269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987706587160891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505517040024448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24859278034784674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800792486068513,0.0,0.0,0.4254117560304134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902483904031382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483539056912249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040797691816616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pawshoppromises,2018/03/07,does anyone else find it hard to move on after a break up my ex broke up with me almost 2 years ago now but I still find myself checking her profiles and thinking about her and wanting to talk to her. I don't understand why i cant just move on. ,4.465974842767294,3.825036603773583,5.326415094339627,88.34106918238994,69.75471698113208,7.821383647798742,27.10062893081761,6.42735559955562,0.9528289308176104,192,5,44,1,3,63,42,53,0.066,0.934,0.0,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,3,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,10,5,0,12,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005746414134455,0.0,0.2372888040461321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569324350273898,0.2428012918749202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737192840219493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979560082200614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331681548760621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227640880481208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5037180767968001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892426175428385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19046556669619855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183925857838584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466916105646297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976961981735533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21382638531855566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525993538868406 bpd,dietrichs90,2018/03/07,"Do you always uncontrollably yell at people when you’re angry? First off. I’m not diagnosed with BPD. I’m also not after a diagnosis. I just have a question. I tried telling my therapist that I think I have BPD. Everything in this diagnosis is literally me. I relate to almost everything that is written here, and I feel like I’m home in this group. Anyways. I tried telling my therapist and before I even got to explain why I think I have it he just said “you don’t have it.” And he based it off that I don’t ever yell at him or that I don’t yell at my gf when I get angry. So, I’m wondering, do you all just uncontrollably yell when you get angry? I feel really put a side by my therapist, like he wouldn’t even think about it. All he ever talkes about is my anxiety, and never how I’m acting or feeling other than anxiety, so he wouldn’t really know how I am as a person. I’m sorry for asking this, but I have been struggling for 6 years and when I read about borderline a week ago I just broke down and was like “damn, maybe there’s a reason I am the way I am.” The reason I’m asking this is, if the biggest “issue” in this diagnosis is that you yell at people uncontrollably, then I can let this go, cause I don’t usually yell. I just explode inside and take it out on myself. But, if yelling isn’t a major issue for everyone, I wanna take this further and maybe get a new therapist that will listen to me. I have never felt more sure about anything in my life, than this. I lie awake all night and think about this. I can’t really believe I don’t have this. Everything is me. Except uncontrollably yelling. Sorry if this is breaking the rules. But I’m really curious about this, and I’m not looking for a diagnosis from you! Just your experience. Thanks. 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Maybe someone has some feedback or this will help someone. Mostly I just need a place to talk about what I'm going through. I went through all the bookmarks and downloads on my laptop and deleted 99% of it. I go through phases where I get into something, but usually I just do lots of research and buy things but never actually get into the *thing*. I'm more in love with the idea of the thing than actually putting time and effort into it. I decided to take one step towards stopping this by deleting all the ""I'm into this but not really"" stuff. It sounds dumb but this was a hard step to take. I started selling, donating, and throwing away a lot of stuff I own, similar to the above reasoning. Most of it is stuff that's used to support an idea of me, but it isn't really me. For example, I have hundreds of books I want to read but never have and, if I'm being honest, I never will. I came to terms with the fact that I will never read them and am in the process of getting rid of them. I have lots of hobby stuff that I dabbled in for 5 seconds and then put aside. Even lots of CDs. The fact is I don't like/listen to most of what I own. I only have it because I'm *supposed* to like it. So I weeded through everything I own and let go of anything I don't truly enjoy. I also got rid of lots of clothes that I only had to support this idea of who I want to be, but never actually wore (or even fit into). I even have stuff I legitimately *dislike* but keep because it supports some idea of who I wish I was. Got rid of it! I also put a moratorium (mostly) on buying stuff. Less maladaptive dreaming. I'm sure most everyone does not do this, but I do and it's been a secret shame of mine for years, since I was a kid. I vowed to put an end to it, and just in the last week I've noticed I've barely done it. I even wrote down that one of my goals was to ""stop living in a dream world,"" and even though I feel so embarrassed admitting it, writing it down and making it real has really helped. Less relying on crutches to deal with the emptiness. Last year I quit drinking, and now I'm working on my binge-eating. Unfortunately, since I quit drinking I started smoking marijuana and have to stop that as well. I keep quitting but starting up again after a while. Those are the biggest things I use to alleviate the emptiness. I'm also trying to watch less TV because I realized it's mostly a distraction. I do it because I have no desire to do anything fun or productive. So I'm trying to do puzzles and things instead. Also, shopping but I mentioned that. Deleted Facebook. I mostly use it to check up on people who aren't even in my life and I realize how sick that is. I even have a fake account that had friends of people I ""care"" about so I can see their friends-of-friends info. Mostly it makes me feel bad, and sometimes I see bad news and it makes me happy (like people in a happy relationship splitting up). So I deleted my account(s). Spend less time on the internet in general. Things I need to work on: Cleanliness and self-care Doing relaxing things Having a stable schedule & plan things to do every day so I don't feel so aimless Continue working on 1-2 hobbies, avoid getting (and instinctively dropping) any new hobbies Ugh lots of other stuff but that's all for now. The truth is I still feel very empty but I think the things I've recently changed will help me become real one day. ",2.750538968867456,4.365471921896795,4.356186086093185,85.47590170909865,75.24825662482567,7.036749166725763,27.075833865210505,7.773731181650412,1.5864308866983423,2756,107,561,39,59,924,285,717,0.1,0.785,0.115,0.8722,1,1,3,0,0,0,93.0,0,0,3,9,33,26,1,4,31,0,51,5,0,8,12,126,106,54,0,7,23,0,5,2,1,6,2,1,0,1,64,30,2,6,19,10,8,12,13,9,1,4,15,9,73,17,92,82,28,82,0,0,3,1,22,33,1,21,38,421,137,10,0.0,0.0,0.14085742105259247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539074860542394,0.0,0.05213166567978871,0.0,0.032719274576108605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791876981833202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04520483143704277,0.0,0.08034661760170655,0.11731976662184555,0.05313830287707949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060598092557302814,0.0,0.0,0.05502977433749301,0.049055586570502296,0.0,0.050898395147349486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620592977986465,0.04960358001500749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042105020338505175,0.04923748434643,0.0,0.0942671072006989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426148593432754,0.0,0.0,0.22245261426126695,0.0,0.0405382498313133,0.04597513596557422,0.043241899132497236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731184757953924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07434575194587957,0.0,0.1005506383569556,0.0,0.08203314740625736,0.0,0.07696256841666747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243682307216563,0.04310083133709648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124951587761674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217260093241912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553214144720174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843891432482725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919998222568645,0.033984449824368664,0.07051843580921706,0.0,0.04248567941114288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24542959855016355,0.043424902422575934,0.0,0.09634971407966493,0.0,0.04833713460314179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135207097169581,0.18554300826631065,0.04646894968254037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477828314620956,0.0,0.0,0.09781018771839024,0.07318596433906932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006888859146612,0.0,0.0502690502797704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934720556670356,0.0,0.15352597557410674,0.09625434860399187,0.109528881399211,0.09246947712001068,0.04946936363965186,0.14252076740922498,0.05165659509989997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668150264121767,0.0,0.05019355585462619,0.0,0.0,0.07960105065541986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153393297479329,0.03704062633914062,0.047586128511144764,0.0,0.10216633737862517,0.0,0.038424025478989716,0.12067676128059715,0.0,0.0,0.3855543652646521,0.0,0.1637981150990655,0.045347020670110406,0.0,0.07235171174798367,0.038672334396073794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516139653475109,0.09248882121923904,0.04727191194597576,0.0,0.05611150015912038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533270444305564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466554251868488,0.0529909430359188,0.039699215912951454,0.056757949163697814,0.0,0.0385942720805206,0.0,0.04326040265943146,0.04460230272692051,0.0,0.0,0.05532890251202149,0.0,0.0,0.10508303129054927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061967875291072075 bpd,bxundaries,2018/03/07,dealing with jealously w your fp so my fp is an ex boyfriend who i’m still very close with. he’s been hanging out with a lot of girls recently and hasn’t told me about them until i find out on my own and then he gets mad at me bc i have no reason to be jealous since we aren’t dating. i get so anxious and angry when i think about it that it send me into an attack. i can’t talk to him about it at all bc it turns into a fight every single time. does anyone have any tips???? this is so rough ,-1.0788773388773372,0.8102670720720724,1.4535135135135135,99.84954261954263,89.990990990991,4.136105336105336,14.844767844767844,5.369823440869387,-1.0794413028413028,379,7,95,2,13,129,79,111,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.9727,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,1,1,1,0,8,5,5,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,1,17,15,9,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,12,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,2,1,14,0,17,12,4,17,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,1,7,65,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875758405628571,0.0,0.0,0.2803506197274637,0.0,0.17351952403442106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28231828440204554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255842479160212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716684128918085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090858428871744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268141128510174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593071366079054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210977100622482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551502256937386,0.2450284600073911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528085006443825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981812186718314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994619320583481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901116618448818,0.0,0.0,0.14470432684258566,0.0,0.0,0.2371279000749873,0.0,0.0,0.26992725778382043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475832221813686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,poppings,2018/03/07,"'Numbness' relieved better by fictional characters than the real people in your life? I've got typical BPD emotional numbness - it is what it is, I'm not posting to complain about it, just wondering about something related. I have only recently noticed this, but I definitely find it easier to 'fill the void' with fiction, rather than my actual friends/family/SO. I don't know what this is about - I wonder if it's b/c I don't actually have the ability to engage with them, so I can put all my bullshit on something impossible? I dunno, just wondering if anyone else feels a lot more intensely about fictional characters than the real people in their lives ",5.01702479338843,7.217122644628103,6.682719008264463,68.70226033057854,70.48760330578513,10.790413223140497,33.58760330578512,10.793553405168565,4.570516694214875,524,26,83,18,10,180,79,121,0.055,0.779,0.166,0.8889,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,2,1,8,6,0,0,5,0,8,3,0,0,1,20,15,4,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,12,3,16,14,3,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,7,1,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.31433940609291444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261573336325573,0.16502329828305914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244300997475967,0.0,0.0,0.2028473361483084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345435732205724,0.18116895020371773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143593397149307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720440133749238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288130643030573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851344945705787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376026581728207,0.0,0.0,0.14221746146303044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692603781428692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18336598308732244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224921221372358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331514217113765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424936530557806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190811234728325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666392931778256,0.0,0.0,0.15902567663295167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24798115138870205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5239826854925644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mortuaryfaerie,2018/03/07,"How do you determine if you're being controlling and manipulative or loving and concerned? When my boyfriend is out without me I ask him to please tell me where hell be as well as let me know when he arrives at his destination and when he's leaving it. I look up on Google maps exactly how far his destination is so I'll know when he should be arriving. If he doesn't I sometimes spam him until he answers and beg him to just reply because all I can think of is him being dead on the side of the road somewhere. He HATES this and will yelling at me and tell me I'm annoying, controlling, acting like I'm his mother, etc. Who do you think is the one in the wrong here?",6.413881987577642,5.152605543478263,7.062339544513461,79.54239130434786,66.02898550724638,10.494409937888197,33.4824016563147,9.606745405546679,2.767605383022775,527,19,114,9,7,175,86,138,0.125,0.789,0.086,-0.8309,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,11,7,3,0,4,0,15,1,0,5,2,25,25,19,1,3,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,0,2,19,3,15,18,2,18,1,0,1,1,21,12,1,3,6,79,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19121625786028612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468501307597565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588155302902168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811493743557826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019398148493016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248184571407479,0.0,0.0,0.21657715870950187,0.0,0.2091548799929238,0.0,0.09992737335627976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176115894074892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460434016491295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860085003340214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22452228689507808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229419905928564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575520225779507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26212053240265204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390503242814346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197168197603706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363117468312255,0.0,0.0 bpd,ChronicallyBatgirl,2018/03/07,"How to stop a freak out Apologies for the long post. 5 years ago, my doctor (General Practitioner here, PCP elsewhere) was inappropriate with me. I had seen him for years and we had a good rapport. He was going through my annual mental health review and after I mentioned I had occasional suicidal thoughts he told me ‘you should be happy, you can be happy with me’ and then he kissed me. At the time, I was taken aback, but also a little flattered (god knows why, I was 22 and he was over 50), but I quickly became quite uncomfortable and felt really icky about the whole thing. After a few weeks I started getting quite anxious about going to any doctor and that’s when my partner gently suggested reporting him (the fact that he propositioned a suicidal patient was what really disturbed her) and I started that process with the medical board here. I didn’t continue with the process as I found reliving the situation and surrounding details difficult, I changed doctors and that was that. I still avoid my doctor when I can, but my medical care is sufficient and I chalked it up to me not reading signs well and ignored it. So, today. I had a job interview at a nursing service nearby and despite my anxiety, I did really well and was offered a job pending a medical assessment. On the questionnaire I only mentioned anxiety rather than BPD. They call to organise the medical assessment and lo and behold, the only provider they have in the area is this doctor. I haven’t seen him in 5 years, I *really* want this job, but this whole thing is making me freak out. The email mentioned the assessment includes stripping to underwear and a supervised urine rest - all fairy standard - but the idea of doing this with him is making me nauseated and fuzzy. How can I stop this freak out? I can’t reschedule with another doctor as he is he only one able to do it. I want this job so much it hurts and the idea that the only stumbling block is this doctor, and what he did has now put that in jeapordy is making me mad and sad and anxious. Sorry for the rambling text, I’m trying to sort through my thoughts. I guess I just want some reassurance, or advice on how to get through this, or advice on how to stop this freak out. Thanks in advance and I hope everyone is having a calm day x",5.6307309709200695,6.662836746543777,6.23364849833148,77.02564516129034,67.47926267281106,9.580676942634671,32.707452725250285,9.753983421225431,3.20338655649134,1804,77,327,39,29,588,206,434,0.16,0.7509999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9895,4,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,1,2,2,3,20,23,1,2,28,0,36,14,1,7,2,76,62,41,2,6,10,0,1,0,1,1,12,0,0,1,24,33,0,6,7,1,0,4,4,11,2,1,23,3,50,12,44,36,7,47,0,2,2,1,31,18,0,6,24,239,74,18,0.07144193264150821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396244594788511,0.063328962727143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713208772215477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485829640444839,0.0749130955114796,0.1093057658511701,0.16141809749451475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997861321856641,0.0,0.07295020091390206,0.0,0.07283981168323411,0.0,0.07557609187250235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046074136310147784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5118669171873097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826582821572448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859545892697384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833239164511062,0.0,0.0,0.07465092229631684,0.0,0.08120419340030582,0.05992210356016105,0.0,0.0,0.07870134323932577,0.0,0.0,0.15210253150844988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593943362254134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095795901286535,0.0,0.0,0.07648006648993066,0.16129849202066848,0.0,0.0,0.2835803779025952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039262617811824566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160358497592152,0.0,0.06322386224122215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306413438171606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28788092425523143,0.07199666478075385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052518040705633914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048410902489635116,0.21733923628258892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842162309635885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718188746989167,0.0,0.15197457865111044,0.07146126584309384,0.0,0.18307012570154624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030372558869375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997339455499464,0.10113393526653763,0.0,0.057053619692815014,0.17918596393885275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629175762986172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657741330499396,0.0,0.0,0.09492569111758098,0.0,0.0,0.11343382875208552,0.04165836544406689,0.0,0.06771859865822677,0.06826582821572448,0.0,0.048504382691961334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641490860583116,0.0,0.057306409054071486,0.0,0.12846975455181486,0.0,0.06446523212717982,0.15952473291148725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801878691608546 bpd,urpassword,2018/03/07,"Venting and ranting So this started out as a reply to a post on here but it ended up being a whole story and me just plain venting so I guess I'll just put this out there this way. I used to be with my roommate who has bpd. It was hard. My life revolved around him. I would only leave the house to get food or work, dreading what I would come home to. We were friends when I moved in but soon something started blossoming. From the day his grandma died I would sleep in his bed every night so I could be there. When the honeymoon period was over, he got mad at me for doing anything he did not like or expect. He would start an argument when we laid down in bed to sleep and I would stay up all night trying to calm him down, say the right things, make him feel okay. He embarassed, humiliated, hurt me. I would make dinner, but not his way, and he'd scream at me, insult me, walk out on me. I'd get back from work and obviously I'd had sex with my manager. I went out for beers with some old friends, got home drunk, locked myself in the bathroom to sit in the shower peacefully and he'd force the lock, scream at me and hurt me, force me to move out. I finally did, after about 7 months, police and ambulance coming over at least 8 times in the last few months, him being admitted to the psych ward 2 times. About a month ago, I went to my first session with my new therapist. I told her about my life for about 2hrs. I told her that I think I may have this disorder. There is no official diagnosis but yeah, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I push him away because I know I lose control over what I say and do when I get emotional. I am not a good person when I am in that state and only hurt anyone who gets in my way. When he pushes back I cry for him not to go. So a week ago he wasn't doing well, I called and he wanted to die. I was going through some stuff and went with it, I wanted to die too. I talked for 25 minutes and every once in a while he told something about how he was going to kill himself. He ended up hanging up on me, turning his phone off. I panicked, sent him messages he didn't receive. Thought for a little while. And then it clicked. All this time, for one year and a half, I thought I was what was keeping him from killing himself. Me being there, comforting him, etc. I think I am the reason he wants to die. I am all he cares about but we just keep fighting, pushing, pulling, hurting the other, making them want to die. After 5 days of silence, he messaged me again tonight saying he can't do this anymore and goodbye. I want to help but can't. Im unstable myself and want to show him and me we're better off without the other. I want to at least try and find out if we're better off alone. A month ago he got himself a new girlfriend so he's got her. I hope he goes to her when he's down. I wonder if she knows all this, if she knows he wants to and maybe is going to kill himself. Today my therapist told me staying away is probably a good move. I hope she's right. I hope I can keep myself from giving in to my desire to reply.",1.6146634918028298,3.3172174680187254,3.099377617209953,92.87124777622688,78.68798751950078,5.9335030243315,22.01004461231081,6.757970130089065,0.3715693187727505,2371,69,534,23,57,777,273,641,0.188,0.7140000000000001,0.098,-0.9974,1,1,3,0,2,1,75.0,3,0,1,7,37,29,6,1,25,2,44,9,2,7,5,106,101,48,8,23,19,0,2,1,3,7,2,5,5,2,22,37,4,4,12,3,0,21,10,14,1,3,26,8,99,15,92,60,11,118,0,5,1,1,77,43,0,13,47,360,121,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625952911660886,0.0,0.0,0.05696223850841661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454409655319429,0.03845648597726471,0.0,0.04525938060828305,0.04896065128205663,0.0,0.0,0.1033464903402558,0.08458146633518006,0.0,0.03352679830471125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728405529242044,0.0,0.0,0.06926914654944802,0.0,0.05615999154868135,0.0,0.05607500948991096,0.0,0.0,0.09475330645703127,0.0,0.0,0.061685905000210324,0.04391211929701493,0.0,0.06041367188318526,0.07093943740729547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854006991484736,0.0,0.1260669308998031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061866321738115786,0.0974253417050078,0.0,0.06133827401561279,0.0,0.0,0.09267783357266657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02780907924045009,0.0,0.0,0.06024856950928693,0.05026796724367807,0.04678200742406293,0.06650484722216499,0.0,0.08498397506486235,0.0,0.11493855020935195,0.05275992393167917,0.12502849225764326,0.09226087899304318,0.1759504699074424,0.0,0.06058745165632731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049268181163774634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686458063277143,0.0,0.11033669410024198,0.1638788514034693,0.0,0.06346130721143116,0.2355096947730861,0.0,0.059408213260600765,0.0,0.0,0.1466565577536565,0.18254428979994028,0.0,0.09067781542206707,0.04483141648731042,0.0,0.05823585800994704,0.0,0.0,0.07769465129815742,0.026869667885378718,0.055123312571120166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152966302129052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013651062152813,0.0,0.055253753365903865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559828086342716,0.1753652721196566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623649523340987,0.0,0.1032254202533592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771205818607857,0.058571997447204274,0.037268655063619364,0.08365823205362148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604577697872227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267371065055286,0.0,0.0592980798744743,0.0,0.0,0.05528905123766883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654799441785435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393746231270003,0.0,0.1312119174904141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100771712833608,0.0,0.0,0.08468162827874584,0.0,0.0,0.11678544154848113,0.1172429469002897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296054334204823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420600526588797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771584520122065,0.036538802800611316,0.07048210530348441,0.0,0.08732591252997743,0.09621084336828056,0.0,0.05213249423155203,0.210215094002748,0.0,0.07468123974790708,0.059822973014759064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750136167640008,0.0,0.0,0.2595180496645848,0.13096661981468782,0.04411677291965645,0.0,0.04945058573866217,0.15295349970524305,0.0,0.06140426989836763,0.0,0.05301694429895039,0.05964392421076819,0.08007965913494837,0.0,0.0,0.2344176989753953,0.0,0.0,0.0354174665715439 bpd,CrumbledQuirkyCookie,2018/03/07,"Triggering yourself on purpose Is it just me? Sometimes I trigger myself on purpose, knowing how it'll end up screwing with my head. But I do it anyways because I want myself to torment with the emotional pain. ",5.48,7.402605717948718,6.121025641025642,74.33230769230771,68.74358974358975,7.2512820512820495,43.769230769230774,7.793537801064563,4.185523076923079,169,12,25,2,3,55,31,39,0.133,0.7929999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,3,3,1,3,0,9,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,0,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24412932325120415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504868947132693,0.3547070394523572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110087464115161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009372434643412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261397106662816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960856617458502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362138984323497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,likoi,2018/03/07,"Coping skills during an episode that can be practised on your own? How do you calm yourself down *while* you're experiencing a breakdown? I don't know how to control myself and if I'm not taking it out verbally on someone I'm resorting to physical aggression like slamming things and self-harming and I *always* regret it afterwards. I've practised things like mindfulness meditation but I don't know what to do in the moment when I going through a breakdown. I'm wondering if there's any self-coping skills that anyone can share, anything would be appreciated!",4.14958517210944,7.1276603398058285,5.017157987643426,75.76974404236542,76.66990291262134,7.628949691085613,30.72285966460724,8.575989854853784,3.0219592233009718,457,22,73,10,11,148,69,103,0.036000000000000004,0.8290000000000001,0.135,0.8608,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,3,4,6,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,3,0,17,17,10,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,9,14,1,10,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,6,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069440302686466,0.0,0.0,0.1691291927147986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17390161861057188,0.0,0.20466455384783366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27894589046270274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134583948269264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733655710385796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430112173825933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511230293428209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189109899995664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21072851463764547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869966060984357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304595720407398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26971197957792725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667421696168273,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,is_reddit_useful,2018/03/07,"The *extreme* negative perspectives in someone diagnosed with BPD but not depression My mother has been diagnosed with BPD but not depression. Considering her **extreme** negativity, I feel like saying ""come on, she has got to have depression!"" but the psychiatrist decisively says she does not, because she doesn't have the vegetative symptoms of depression. She has gone long periods of time being able to cope and function in various ways, but now she is again in one of her crises. She is totally pessimistic, claiming things cannot possibly get better, and suicide is the only solution. The negativity can even involve delusions, like bodily functions not working or not having any money. She wants someone to help her kill herself, and she is very insistent about that. I'm sure there was a lot of negativity below the surface at other times, but when she wasn't in a crisis there was also positivity, and enjoyment of some things. Now that good stuff is gone. I'm also reminded of her weird relationship with alcohol. For a long time, periodically, from once a week to once a month, she would get drunk and throw a temper tantrum. Sometimes this involved attempts to manipulate others to get what she wanted, like more money. But they always involved all sorts of negative statements. She has now stayed away from alcohol for many years, and the periodic temper tantrums weren't happening anymore before the current crisis. From my perspective as a child, it seemed like alcohol was a terrible thing, causing her to become very negative and throw a temper tantrum. But when I asked her about it she said alcohol dulled the pain. So, does that mean that all that negativity was held inside at other times? That's mind-boggling! Maybe alcohol dulled it just enough for it to be tolerable enough to express and/or it dulled her self control? Right now I'm concerned that psychiatric medication is having a similar effect to alcohol, bringing out more negatives and maybe suppressing the positives. But, that concern doesn't seem to be taken very seriously. I'm told therapy and especially DBT may help, but really, I think she needs to get to a more stable state first. Though her in-patient treatment doesn't seem to be helping much. It does calm her down a bit, but the extreme negativity crisis continues. Are there any good in-patient programs for BPD in Ontario, Canada?",6.492711323763956,8.81501962679426,6.824162679425839,68.69747208931422,66.8468899521531,10.234130781499204,34.676236044657095,10.436869588844218,4.273847527910687,1916,92,297,54,33,619,210,418,0.196,0.648,0.156,-0.9756,2,0,6,0,0,1,61.0,0,0,1,6,18,28,7,0,23,0,33,13,0,4,4,57,61,27,2,4,17,1,1,4,0,2,11,3,0,2,23,14,8,3,9,1,2,6,20,18,0,2,14,4,30,10,46,41,13,45,0,7,0,0,41,14,0,8,26,219,53,2,0.07309244382433579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686815616996968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690400183749745,0.06081876857544079,0.0,0.0,0.09941073649449356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248806374819433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833156822111656,0.0,0.06867275702908207,0.0,0.0,0.04455647533577922,0.08072486162231722,0.06219628618164396,0.0,0.0,0.06464432676818117,0.0797980178791968,0.0,0.2761721228233641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750860740478845,0.0,0.0629626683073847,0.0,0.0,0.0819793909256425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518176590499732,0.1483745837956909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189107045588932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104806662473258,0.0,0.04827686979471826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03695773577979045,0.05221725647266633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217239537768779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275114047539587,0.0,0.0,0.1226129480646883,0.05845870444813744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463540668235745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697697311858526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086595954511842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283710404249614,0.0,0.0,0.1293690253989332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062140581928924014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410426572518068,0.14686236822745888,0.07961909910885995,0.0,0.07363294743792348,0.0,0.0,0.07380253194903885,0.0,0.05834169131799469,0.0,0.05373135633526289,0.0541971209447522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568213438722256,0.04952933158268424,0.05559009720006999,0.07777551362955583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240074807044677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046824891152860176,0.0,0.0,0.07847393058384929,0.0,0.06242054765565479,0.06952765207815975,0.11625209008998225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19962184709241107,0.07625135977845596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386198091682855,0.0,0.07229029591121727,0.0,0.0,0.07790681985763541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367336096489192,0.07995127016013914,0.0,0.06888876329089512,0.07597103573037747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358757958277149,0.0,0.1456781155469501,0.04683468665910751,0.07181295494680255,0.0,0.17048316715133194,0.0,0.0,0.06984296238201906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092676304514485,0.08622363425502456,0.05801737973454218,0.058630349567635964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053212169630920916,0.0,0.0,0.05192277496814438,0.0,0.0,0.04706913739296801 bpd,ShadySix,2018/03/08,"Every 'cycle' is helping me understand This is all me kinda just self reflecting and hoping some aspect of what I have to say may help someone else's journey. I'll start off by saying everyone reading this who has lived the experience of 'BPD'; I'm sorry. I would not want the constant internal confusion, self-destruction, alternating points of intense impulsivity and allllllll the other elements that come with, what the p. docs for years have been calling BPD, on my worst enemy. In a metaphor my life progression feels like I am trying to build a house on sand, in constantly changing extreme weather, and then when I finally have a rickety shack of a shelter fumbled together I just rip it all down myself. It feels like progress is created as quickly as it destroyed so often to the point of hopelessness. However, over time I realised what I see with my dynamic in life and my personal experiences with BPD is often a dismissal of the reality of how to manage my inner world. We ALL know we are our own worst enemy most if not all the time in this. We are disturbed NOT insane. First: I alone intensify the storms around me by depriving myself of basic self care such as sleep, balanced food and consistent self-DBT/mindfulness practice and application. One of the strongest tools in my bpd management toolbox is learning to surf my emotions. I have had to learn to ride that massive 'wave' instead of fighting it, trying to change it or just coming off my board entierly. By mindfully focusing on the physical location, feeling and surfing my unwanted sensation/emotiom my storms have deffinently been easier to manage. Secondly, setting a solid foundations for the 'house' means community support, understanding bpd intensifies with transient stress and that long sitting stress causes that spiral. Removing myself from stressful friends, jobs and prioritising a healthy and reciprocal environment helps keep my foundation from being shaky. Finally, my house. I rush into trying to build every part of the house at once because my impulse brain wants ""My life to not be a festering goats bladder NOW"" but damn is change a game of relentlesy focusing on a SINGLE part of that house and working soley that to death. A life I will want to live will take slow, singular and repetitious steps towards the goals and habits that I must specify and from this I create what I want from life. And hey, if I cant find a will or purpose within myself or if im just a hardcore espresso depresso I put all my concentration into getting the fuck out to a mountain or a park and making my single purpose to try to shift my perspective and make my actions represent how I want to feel towards my will and the world. Feelings <-> Thoughts <-> Actions. They all feed into one another. Anyway this is shady bear signing off to attempt to practice what I preach in my self reflection but I see with effort every time I tear that house down or the storm becomes to much or the foundation gives in and I come back from it BY FUCK am I stronger and more ready to tackle my shit when I get a grip again. ",9.77363552933465,8.677448615929205,9.362615535889873,65.20863651261882,59.30088495575221,12.688954441166832,42.518846279908225,11.715833242495528,5.1579741068502125,2488,122,407,61,27,804,295,565,0.106,0.8170000000000001,0.077,-0.9662,2,1,0,0,2,1,56.0,4,0,1,7,19,23,6,6,33,0,30,14,4,5,7,101,64,40,1,12,19,0,7,2,1,7,5,2,0,4,26,36,3,1,15,2,0,11,5,16,0,4,4,11,56,7,79,51,17,63,1,2,2,2,21,31,4,18,21,299,82,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062214768365220365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298900166552697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347534890282448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046190392739361694,0.0,0.03661832900486997,0.06634298425721552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782825271862903,0.06705837925083925,0.061338545624004585,0.0,0.06124572730716792,0.06170879860781023,0.1906394020028814,0.15523586767552772,0.0,0.12982942018081686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501810710073515,0.06757106071202508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518355870300445,0.05739979556070968,0.0,0.1175206616367218,0.0,0.0,0.1518668743275442,0.08582854289249996,0.0,0.1316082687235796,0.05490321342960945,0.051095810694273214,0.0726373080383771,0.0,0.04641020491702447,0.11106814486133364,0.06276855917848527,0.057624955274379865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079167207991542,0.0,0.0,0.059663413558432625,0.0,0.41587872580498,0.0,0.0,0.06488628824609423,0.0,0.059610555317661774,0.053393288892231834,0.0,0.0,0.033013094464411634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21214733042036293,0.058694679398606585,0.0,0.10608644264950116,0.053160371185077125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019485278081258,0.0,0.0,0.06543422351674208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130786270395053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415862047738322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397296435826792,0.08141045024850192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130100674729544,0.0,0.0,0.0524511143141425,0.0,0.0,0.11357179812070625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038729526712878,0.0,0.0,0.060086607855118386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554070985952476,0.0,0.0,0.09573658636245733,0.0,0.3133323897810709,0.0,0.06166135305767525,0.0,0.0,0.0601137340545445,0.0,0.050897414284082884,0.0,0.0,0.06724384099239994,0.04251810430106347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064311556573041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816712354373514,0.0,0.0,0.04516542882995898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768914953659413,0.10508251591088076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313530345044305,0.0,0.0,0.12507070978012416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715524978984787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04373193166478584,0.0,0.0,0.04267225453317125,0.0,0.0,0.03868333718145498 bpd,winterbow,2018/03/08,"Like an elastic band stretched to the max I feel like not only are the negative emotions hard to handle, but so are the positive! There's no relaxed medium, it's just, the sadness is so bad right now, but then when I feel something like love or happiness, it's so overblown and wild. I've always been pretty good at staying in the mid ground without exploding, but it constantly feels like self denail, like I'm just wound up, buzzing, vibrating. Constantly fighting impulses, it's exhausting. I feel like a pressure pot about to blow. And sometimes I just do. I just want to feel within reasonable levels, feel truly and honestly, but not have to reign myself in all the time. Does that make sense? [EDIT] mentioned feeling of pressure",5.0117446524064135,7.098113316176473,5.0229946524064175,81.07120320855616,70.25,8.180748663101605,32.216577540106954,8.841846274778883,2.9037441176470584,585,27,101,11,11,182,91,136,0.15,0.542,0.308,0.9846,0,0,1,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,11,17,1,2,8,0,6,3,0,2,1,26,17,13,0,1,12,0,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,8,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,8,6,11,13,16,1,17,0,1,0,1,5,10,0,1,12,62,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200037019251588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224223631019821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168903028272299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830897534104382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492882631354938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189516799757504,0.3142380930748729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297869066300215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608072030262787,0.13134356570189312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297895200425424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233112558385576,0.0,0.0978706180290396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151183419693772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916621028200205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075074915882505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521348425795994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295762046078093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11287596522591635,0.14501186178334433,0.0,0.0,0.1562784167746409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549585099809923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864808310399176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413373569382504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lord_of_spargel,2018/03/08,"Me (non), separated from pwBPD SO, trying to understand how to work with her strong emotions Non here, currently separated from my SO who has BPD. Trying to see if we can make things work and going back over our issues... the one thing my SO mentions as her biggest issue with our relationship is that when she expresses strong emotions, I become afraid of her emotions, which makes her feel scared of herself and that something is ""wrong"" with her. I am very open to change and to do what is necessary to make our relationship work, but I am just having a hard time understanding what my SO is really saying by this. I think back on the times when her emotions were very strongly negative. I don't believe she's referring to the times when she is down on herself or her life situation. In those times, I am validating, supporting, and encouraging (because I really do believe in her). But these times are the minority. Most of the time, the strongly negative emotions are either directed at me, or our relationship. I admit, while I keep calm and positive, I often don't know how to be what she wants/needs to be in those situations. I feel like dismissing what she's saying isn't being validating, so I try and talk through whatever she's feeling. I'll admit, a lot of the time it's hard not to feel hurt on the inside if it's a criticism of me or something that questions our relationship, but I'm usually alright with keeping that out of the moment. Is that maybe where she perceives I'm afraid of her emotions. She's mentioned that guys she's dated in the past haven't made her feel scared of her own emotions, so it does make me wonder what's wrong with me (though our relationship has been the longest and closest compared to any other for her). Any thoughts/opinions on this are welcome.",8.281367389060888,7.262247511695907,8.26523907808738,71.63664086687311,62.187134502923975,11.555830753353973,37.369109047127615,10.718039707386858,3.899343102855177,1427,59,264,30,17,464,158,342,0.076,0.78,0.14400000000000002,0.9706,1,0,2,0,0,0,44.0,7,0,0,7,18,17,0,4,14,1,27,1,0,7,0,53,51,29,0,2,11,0,7,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,24,15,0,2,15,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,3,10,50,10,42,45,4,35,0,1,1,0,48,16,0,10,19,199,74,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622039823430234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879972942611048,0.0,0.043126547009970304,0.0781341996509457,0.0,0.15941466534771934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891030237320784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484065453793626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061910935940991875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5570638048902249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788583497098694,0.05054147458992983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020699426715956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005038069235472,0.0,0.0,0.1267503393401382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573583250199598,0.0,0.0,0.14768240098090135,0.0,0.12576587987515886,0.0,0.0,0.03888054996105069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997050420949963,0.034563276357893045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060146335803915436,0.0,0.06694226193032803,0.1888959536056057,0.0,0.07107459442905134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04793981190782813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753575432371317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925252332749545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064432742142757,0.0,0.0,0.3797775329934922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252127082518576,0.1416596275016344,0.0,0.056375980342870086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904456650210402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892857080036104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802825453245661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056863537845020365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400196119813596,0.045331644854755784,0.06950829826862914,0.0,0.2887708905948616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409714733922535,0.0,0.0,0.14729967181696174,0.0,0.0,0.07791752274132714,0.11674691490632827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672180558241212,0.15451337551700164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470087591023982,0.0,0.0 bpd,Joshua_The_Punisher,2018/03/08,"Avoiding relationships is the best solution? In my experience it is impossible for me to have a normal friendship. So rather than driving myself crazy I've decided to cut off all contact with my friends. It's been over a week and I feel way more confident about myself now that I'm not constantly thinking negative thoughts due to BPD. It's contradictory, but I feel less lonely without friends. ",4.777023809523809,7.618655194444441,5.629761904761902,73.02000000000002,73.44444444444444,9.114285714285714,35.285714285714285,9.606745405546679,4.098938095238096,322,18,53,9,7,105,58,72,0.121,0.6659999999999999,0.213,0.8012,0,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,14,9,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,7,3,11,7,4,9,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847921512632477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34178831020219114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932608232541956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654575976151137,0.0,0.0,0.2744315088417388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193285276143757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658906577311468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29135604117073616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388664990966887,0.0,0.21544206596496013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21540547227329093,0.21768129129495276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26159657952601617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dishwasherkitty,2018/03/08,"Instantly Guilty A friend I have known for many years, someone I have had many problems with but still considered my friend, started verbally attacking me. It came from nowhere. We spoke earlier and everything was normal. I calmly told him that he misunderstood what he was talking about and it was none of his business to be talking about it to begin with but he refused to accept it. A few weeks ago he upset me a lot. I eventually got over it and forgave him. Now? I couldn't cope with it and blocked him. He's known me for so long yet seemingly thinks so little of me. I am so hurt and damn offended, but now I feel guilty for blocking him (he is still able to contact in other ways and hasn't). I always read 'cut negative people out of your life', but how? I now feel like I'm the bad guy. Other people that know the situation are supportive and telling me I did the right thing, but I'm left with this horrible feeling like I did something wrong.",3.209840425531916,5.106706207446809,4.181861702127662,86.00875,74.69148936170212,7.67872340425532,27.175531914893607,8.472884824447931,1.904812765957448,749,29,151,14,16,242,113,188,0.256,0.618,0.126,-0.9874,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,1,0,0,12,16,4,1,6,0,14,1,0,1,0,36,29,16,0,3,5,0,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,13,14,0,3,9,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,10,4,24,7,20,17,3,20,0,1,0,0,23,6,1,2,14,103,37,1,0.14600975887083634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942884151426182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214918159784488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610717936875705,0.0,0.0,0.12191204982544596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699626670464846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122415650950664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214807635624292,0.2086188018229096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22561355502148245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677734241432175,0.0,0.0,0.14457261690371678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630646671689155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024314499033526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864003023195233,0.0,0.10313101071203774,0.1426659858929881,0.14634013652854946,0.0,0.12921404194153027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241322756335969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960619567143701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305856288626062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20244956491577645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971162019073333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460492711852062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469153629192567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292180073297644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412108653990434,0.0,0.0,0.12371359487168315,0.11240544577018073,0.0,0.0,0.1033464588368826,0.0,0.2332071640854888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569014407270055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347142268580236,0.12761896489374105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970023959197368,0.09355715786876834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395185817118377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589575039681238,0.11712022139329754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596387503293147,0.0,0.09402549759483267 bpd,fabschaf,2018/03/08,"I've found my people!!! Hi everyone... I was diagnosed yesterday with BPD after receiving treatment for depression and anxiety for 2.5 years. Finally, i feel like my entire life makes sense... I dont know why im posting here but i guess its because i just feel like shouting to the whole world I HAVE BPD!!! its finally an explanation for my entire life and almost everything i do/think. I dont post on reddit frequently and am new to this subreddit - i hope im not breaking any rules with this post!! I just want to say hello to my new people and share my diagnosis with people who get it :)",2.6782292490118564,4.939641486956527,4.596837944664036,80.72624505928854,77.6086956521739,8.703557312252967,26.10671936758893,9.339509955726095,2.588217391304348,461,18,88,13,11,157,72,115,0.032,0.807,0.16,0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,0,20,14,5,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,4,15,4,12,12,1,15,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,3,10,50,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166999108141494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941889727877975,0.0,0.10059082685522014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015614875512392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33121850553667737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132536493622074,0.1334613557353886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082146973158003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256459995994371,0.11817630392977975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297235674468286,0.18787546123723484,0.0,0.28808556403020474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417391404324106,0.0,0.0,0.06869901089678808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485298427604446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060097449537308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28406730258664065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226442556689057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857530197286229,0.1284804517536374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777176244223467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539910980391945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734794638844399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777982390102042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456751522784834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425460233234552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755723945250302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865084979901455,0.14680584013540282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467637420180889 bpd,iamawesomesauc3,2018/03/08,"I've never been diagnoised with BPD but I did something that makes me think i might have it. I met this guy on the internet and at first we were just having fun but then he told me he wanted to fly me out to see him, I said no because I wasn't comfortable with that. We continued to talk for a few months and I finally felt comfortable enough to tell him I wanted to see him. He told me he has a lot going on and it wouldn't be a good idea. I didn't know if he actually did have a lot going on or if he was just saying that to ""let me down easy"". I didn't handle it easy I kept texting him why and asking him various questions. He basically responded that he's not feeling a connection and it seems like a lot. I did not handle that well at all. I couldn't sleep and obsessed over it. I would continue to text him on various social media platforms and he would ignore me on all of them. The worst past is when I spent a good few hours texting him hoping he would text me back. I pleaded for him to tell me to leave him alone because I couldn't resist the urge to contact him and I needed him to tell me to stop. Then he finally blocked me on everything, which was a wake up call for me but unfortunately that didn't make me leave him alone. I felt terrible and felt the need to apologize. He had blocked my main number, so I used a free app to call him. He didn't answer and it went to voicemail and I left a message saying that I was sorry and I am embarrassed by my behavior but I was freaking out so much when I left the message I felt like I needed to leave another one. When I called him again, I noticed he blocked the other number. So I had the brilliant idea to get another number and text him that I was sorry for putting him through hell and he responded ""OK cool now stop"" and I did. I feel horrible about what I did, I feel like the stalker in stalker movies. I feel the worst because I went from someone he had fun with to someone he wishes he never met in less than a week. The story is the worst thing i did but when we were still talking despite us not being together when I found out he got back with his ex girlfriend I got insanely jealous. Also for a brief moment when he told me that he wanted to stop talking I thought about suicide. **I even considered telling him that I was suicidal** but I would never do that to anyone. I didn't consider it in any way but still the fact that I even thought about it because some guy wanted to stop talking to me is crazy. I feel so crazy now, I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore.",1.6623559190031152,3.4154839439252345,3.3800525700934583,90.68123150311527,78.7196261682243,6.626557632398755,23.856113707165107,7.569512494915309,0.9966394080996884,1990,68,440,29,48,663,208,535,0.2,0.7090000000000001,0.091,-0.9962,0,2,1,0,0,1,39.0,4,0,1,1,27,25,2,2,24,2,46,2,2,3,6,100,93,38,2,18,15,1,10,4,1,6,0,3,0,2,26,25,0,9,21,0,2,6,17,10,1,2,43,16,88,16,56,39,17,59,1,0,2,0,77,20,1,11,36,317,114,0,0.0,0.0,0.06448687437382684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136882841026936,0.0,0.052846058682269416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493828724305105,0.13858628309621288,0.0,0.0,0.06553596815147601,0.04620633944804257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617781086584901,0.0,0.0,0.10162654868692432,0.0,0.16113283194823325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322844943846988,0.0,0.20243250782963054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828076770023457,0.0,0.13094037436191375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939058580382234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004794336978283,0.09441853679628352,0.2537978073142497,0.14478004337946565,0.0,0.05620964214918237,0.0,0.0724559232936062,0.0,0.0,0.03452531823746827,0.0,0.07511228349554643,0.11085353703527724,0.10570423859569897,0.0,0.0,0.13086389941445406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563471799252713,0.06507783704655506,0.0,0.0,0.1491979361254878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726343001849939,0.0,0.0,0.20991510962648394,0.14359740733756093,0.067573714951044,0.0,0.12913805966587535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854263947598938,0.0,0.0,0.08822100903706889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010296660746185,0.0,0.0,0.05274632851832227,0.0,0.04857815584308685,0.14699775142878407,0.15290042538106155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523523227813314,0.0,0.0,0.04477913368526893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308311299200589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643104808791613,0.07402739384543387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628594799837606,0.1051027283629076,0.0,0.0,0.10531820881004546,0.06015892059522214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613010799798852,0.0673626686294102,0.11198277918888697,0.050873447766053514,0.0,0.14794763748969944,0.0,0.0,0.10554695459354617,0.220991328291792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456680518012746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124580687029128,0.2310356655763339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04390219965048975,0.042342923435475084,0.0,0.10492406298785828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189433649690502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948897155152994,0.05707396258622214,0.0,0.0,0.15590840908845674,0.052453120609250094,0.05300730248944207,0.0,0.05941599947265065,0.12251806420594892,0.05962907318434987,0.0,0.07599148043898055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18777211864668306,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thedarksideofthegirl,2018/03/08,"It's okay to not be okay today. My grandmother passed away twenty years ago today. She was more of a motherfigure to me than my mother, and a true role model as the only truly sane person in this family. I went to therapy today, and my therapist suddenly asked me ""With the way you grew up, do you really wonder about any of this?"" And I just sat there, shrugging and admitting I had never really thought about it. I thought it was normal that I could never be myself, because just being me wasn't good enough. I thought reading was a good replacement for a social life, hobbies and friends. I thought it was normal to lie about bad grades, and to be scared of people, including my own parents. That it was normal to have panic attacks in class and be sad all the time, to go to bed wishing I'd wake up as someone else, or not at all. I thought I just had to take all that bullying in school. That I was really bad at school, because I was bad at three subjects, and that invalidated the things I was good at. It never was normal. And my grandmother was the only person that made me feel like I didn't have to pretend, if only for a short time in my life. I am grateful she taught me how it feels to be loved just for myself. I am grateful I had her in my life. Today, I got a straight A on an important exam, and my father managed to still complain about the one B I got two years ago for it ""pulling my grades down. You gotta be careful, other people got just A's, nothing else."". I am the best in my entire faculty, and he still finds something to nag about. And you know what? He can go suck a bag of dicks. I ended the call without blowing up, put on [some chill yet sad music](https://youtu.be/q_PQTFrIa40), looked at my favorite pictures of me and my grandma, and had a good, sad cry. And then I wiped off the tears and listened to electro swing. I redid my makeup, did my nails, and decided that I am okay with not being okay. That it's okay for me to be sad about losing my grandma, and to not grow up with her in my life longer. To have the parents I have, to have lived through the bullying, the self-loathing, the anorexia, the self harm, the drama, the anger, the depression. I am okay with not being okay. I don't have to punish myself for feeling the way I do. There's nothing wrong about it. I am allowing myself to not be okay, like my grandma would have done. Rest in peace, grandma. You're the best. Always.",3.647903981264637,4.680846975409839,4.670255269320844,86.41291803278692,72.07377049180326,7.4623887587821995,26.442857142857147,7.760100539840176,1.3761637470725994,1876,61,390,23,35,613,201,488,0.14400000000000002,0.726,0.13,-0.9332,2,0,1,0,0,0,81.0,0,4,0,3,18,39,5,2,30,8,48,7,2,3,7,67,77,24,0,8,14,4,3,2,1,2,4,1,1,3,23,22,0,0,13,3,0,8,13,19,0,3,30,5,64,20,69,33,10,53,0,6,1,2,26,24,2,4,21,288,87,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414304678315522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295846491360173,0.0,0.0,0.05145407833981715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073557622272808,0.08607866250052876,0.07108876856940581,0.0,0.1895287048678768,0.0922480791639766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588092878000338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726134925181655,0.0,0.07714443633317578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060411504557531685,0.0,0.08311329247450758,0.0,0.0,0.06516924636618293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743048736987132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264150368577347,0.0,0.06701579847036956,0.07818108312292214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132923496968674,0.0,0.11477389459925792,0.05405433859518224,0.0,0.0,0.06915547645740124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845777747849545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600312909923001,0.2538533143468205,0.18154611047380945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041582926288032784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377473263120497,0.07393116478562964,0.0,0.06681265110741635,0.0,0.06353865872239109,0.084648602197771,0.0,0.0,0.06828966595676521,0.0715950557847456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507010054027058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965384109053935,0.14520319493047598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127184843893351,0.1726375228942532,0.0,0.08877533866940111,0.16803171702994962,0.0,0.0,0.104911707236188,0.13213367941629225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760631648915448,0.0,0.0,0.0756844223746067,0.0,0.1454167851034561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575281026492274,0.15315190700205394,0.0,0.0,0.1578679960700453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712986500999294,0.06410981644595752,0.058249802726424285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085065104534515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056889871375983635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652831715668571,0.08785167384265873,0.05026776405359999,0.0,0.0,0.3003436094209397,0.08824051151367003,0.0,0.2868822970317436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391268146199284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011703794579198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014123657628339,0.0,0.0,0.08700980450185301,0.07293734448294249,0.08205432251895058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374949678558276,0.0827266477212115,0.0,0.0974502017873912 bpd,hlsxo,2018/03/08,"It's nice to have you back Does that statement annoy anyone else? Context: Anytime I am having ""good day"" my husband points it out. It makes me cringe every time. I know that he means well when he says it. It is nice to be back. I dont take it as a good thing though. Its just a reminder that this isnt ""normal"" and wont last. ",-0.7869682539682543,1.3105871285714272,0.9290476190476192,102.2548412698413,92.0,3.111111111111111,14.920634920634921,3.1291,-1.4509841269841264,249,5,60,0,9,80,52,70,0.041,0.77,0.189,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,8,12,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,6,5,4,10,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,39,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608966349914693,0.23577250350350265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538771931481263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840041253079725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20136877501015016,0.0,0.2696844786011713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222543373305995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387563867584146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860067968797711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264611590566157,0.1875684652771901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359865831373173,0.0,0.0,0.2506547138989729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22545666271865644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175261280333972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18299085714233826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301233258466353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528733129883696,0.0,0.2260796200647737,0.0,0.13417763440302685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20689443253894002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,StockingAnarchy68,2018/03/08,"BPD in a LDR - worries, doubts, anxieties I'm 20 years old and I've been in a long distance relationship for a year this month. I am incredibly insecure and needy, and my boyfriend is an avoidant attachment style, so he's emotionally withdrawn. I'm on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist but I feel like I'm going to lose my mind before I can see one. I don't know how to manage my anxieties and worries. My bf is bipolar and together we are a disaster, but he's still here and he is easily my FP. He needs space from me because he feels smothered and I am terrified. He came for a visit at the end of February and I don't think we've had a day of peace since he went back home. One of the biggest things is his new female coworker. She really wants to be his friend and is always giving him rides home from work. They have an hour commute, alone, and that scares the shit out of me. He's assured me he is not attracted to her in the least, but I can't help but worry she's going to make a move on him and he won't stop her. Even if she's not attractive, she's able to give him something I can't - sex and physical touch. Every time she comes up in conversation, every time he's texting her, every time he gets a ride, I am thrown into a fiery pit of anxiety and doubt and I've got no idea how to manage it. He's so close to leaving and I can't stand to lose him. He hates how emotional I am, and he hates that I can't find it in myself to trust him. It's just that he had a female friend that was pretty inappropriate with him before and I'm still shaken from it, he also thought instead of telling me about the new girl, he would lie. He wanted to spare me from getting upset over something and stressing myself and him out. Instead, I have it in my mind that there something suspicious going on. I guess I'm coming here for advice. He's trying so hard to work with me, and he's trying to fix how unemotional and unaffectionate he is. He feels like I'm not trying anything to change myself and my worries, which are just as harmful as his behaviours. How can I cope with my worries? What can I do? What can I practise to get my mind off of these things? It's like no matter how much he assures me there's nothing to worry about, and how he would much rather end things with me before picking someone else up (I'm too high maintenance for a balancing act, he says), I'm still terrified of not being enough, so I lash out. Another thing is, he's the kind of person that would rather show his love than say it, and I have problems with that. How can I train myself to listen to the way he expresses his love instead of demanding that he tells me all the time? He feels like the words mean nothing and they would feel hollow if he was forced to say them. I just want to be happy and at peace with him, all of our issues come from my worries and insecurities. I'm breaking down. ",3.9661148272017854,4.4026085100334456,5.189331103678928,85.1679877369008,70.92307692307692,8.340691192865107,26.871794871794872,8.384062270229773,1.5681814938684506,2251,69,491,33,39,750,251,598,0.172,0.696,0.132,-0.968,0,2,3,0,0,0,59.0,2,0,3,4,33,31,4,8,24,0,42,5,1,10,4,103,88,48,0,13,15,0,7,4,3,5,1,4,2,2,24,43,0,3,11,1,0,13,13,16,0,2,9,13,70,15,72,71,6,60,0,2,2,3,77,24,1,5,24,310,94,4,0.0639577244456903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062498748109442864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624091388526236,0.0,0.051146969131929135,0.05321795028529542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706525065803066,0.14678245242288904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263175766750476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491795422240124,0.0,0.038988035187956856,0.0,0.16326993838286932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055251499306203,0.0,0.0,0.07315059823366538,0.0,0.0,0.06765879197191936,0.16528174921803698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124744117694122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053428471898425166,0.14388766305407538,0.1132951204010376,0.06608542632981737,0.0,0.042243473796713185,0.0,0.16166142395859118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169473597170056,0.13707423337007624,0.0,0.0,0.05845620145148728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882715850549027,0.0,0.1002458137954359,0.12270815435860932,0.10904594612647213,0.0,0.0511528348885385,0.0,0.07045664413453953,0.0,0.0,0.06808418696149086,0.057293558525985284,0.12629002336305775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286951452497617,0.06757484739961195,0.1283096248262563,0.0,0.06298547527650601,0.0,0.0,0.0722004859382084,0.0,0.06675524758281941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660212793038105,0.035149492716356534,0.0,0.0,0.06772199542160334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498605413886475,0.0,0.0,0.056600573502220475,0.0,0.14310466780480505,0.0,0.0,0.11544868677703135,0.0,0.04269227770736781,0.0,0.0,0.0696687117707662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373720817715898,0.0,0.05105044546026621,0.06797693930296979,0.09403257307535147,0.047423842271095536,0.0,0.1235415376309094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273832311001405,0.0,0.06711287295846738,0.0,0.08667881864663679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055845418021542435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506799897825624,0.0,0.0611989046151671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04097295601104205,0.0,0.0,0.06866666054447892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258524866290885,0.06403283968537672,0.0,0.10193205149743316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565168504630434,0.052906490582362936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419117237217275,0.1477133429099886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323016407966691,0.053471521473921334,0.07326335726194387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180374043270082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996268076285306,0.040981527325073895,0.0,0.05077528906273124,0.1491770538347099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026928980998864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317176889670695,0.05076666467796193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059289451326176724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312397025856856,0.4546652162949623,0.0,0.18173492963782933,0.0,0.0,0.08237335521331891 bpd,DeeMace,2018/03/08,"Need help- My mom is giving me the silent treatment My mom has BPD. She is currently very upset with me and it is totally baseless, as usual. I am currently in Law School. And if anyone can contest to the difficulties of this phase of my life, just ask any practicing attorney. I'm essentially isolated in a bubble of law. I am constantly studying, working, or stressing about grades. So much so that it is difficult to communicate as often with my mother as I did when I was unemployed and not in school. Recently I was on vacation with my mother and her friends. My mother loves to hear my music, and if I don't play it for her when she puts me on the spot, it really upsets her. Over this trip, she brought my instrument out several times and told me to play. Which was fine, fun, and I obliged. The end of the long weekend, I flew home to immediately having to study for assessments that occurred two days later. I was wildly unprepared as usual. I had to buckle down and focus. I took my assessments and then immediately went to relaxation mode, which involves some isolation, and time with friends. I didn't even realize I hadn't spoken to my mother in over a week. She did not once contact me in that week, so it wasn't like I was actively ignoring her. She sends me a text essentially saying that I'm a horrible daughter and that I'm lucky to have a mother like her, that some people don't have mothers, and that no one is THAT BUSY to where they cant contact their mother. I immediately replied and apologized, saying it wasn't intentional and that I loved her. This is where the silent treatment began. She has put my number on do not disturb so my phone calls don't go through. She won't answer my texts either (she is still in the bahamas). The other night I did a live feed on my facebook of me playing a song on my guitar. I chose not to post it because it wasn't that great. My mother then proceeds to post on my wall and ask why I didn't post it and why she can't see the video anymore. I said I just didn't think it was that good. Then she went on a bit of a nonsensical rant, saying the message in the song is so important and that I'm speaking for my generation and all of these things that just don't quite correlate. I just liked the comments and moved on. 20 minutes later she posts more comments. Saying i'm vain, and that I must not be from her side of the family and that I should just block her and something abouthow she will be led to the truth. Then she posts a status saying that she knows I don't love her and that she has my number. I have tried calling her countless times. So we can communicate the issue and move past it. I need my mother, she is important to me. But she will not answer my calls and seems to have misplaced rage towards me. Basically, I'm asking.... what should I do? I'm feeling horribly guilty and invaluable to my mother. ",4.110925556733829,5.220316838260871,5.229773064687169,82.54667868504775,71.05217391304348,8.531495227995759,27.76352067868505,8.9110942124816,2.054921527041357,2262,79,459,42,41,748,242,575,0.105,0.8029999999999999,0.092,-0.8391,4,1,1,0,0,0,64.0,1,0,2,2,19,26,1,4,25,0,55,5,0,2,4,73,86,46,0,7,16,13,1,3,2,6,1,10,1,0,37,32,1,2,7,9,0,13,22,8,0,2,25,12,89,18,59,53,8,70,0,0,1,3,74,24,0,8,31,333,126,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056968591066230125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308041981124326,0.058576109998273174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349496626323829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05106731349681078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145854479626532,0.0,0.10550930602878683,0.0,0.25662515116975065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052897663081784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402672895336799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741981149253434,0.0,0.0,0.055331352533441534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897383743264162,0.0,0.04235820416619256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944580205359554,0.0,0.0,0.08036280562788904,0.047610191943510405,0.07026491447540026,0.0,0.09236015529799188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441838932087646,0.0,0.056151353284386085,0.0,0.08403126502877231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743736737269797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04603951328007693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917142875988341,0.12278193768938013,0.0,0.07397319555219219,0.07413657080185493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268255216766695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962281201694705,0.0,0.17807512757199567,0.0615828787601234,0.12423340693143844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861539370697354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921563367267506,0.056766830952388075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997091762285816,0.058077730089020674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011574368635871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843023821326294,0.0,0.08910301989510602,0.0,0.0,0.05366720275643037,0.0,0.08271584483630358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968741644430337,0.33309871823037857,0.0,0.16956573011359713,0.06675632670507584,0.07626389781699955,0.0,0.09463977515280854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449263689642905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690131804539881,0.0,0.0959618204684554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565513534749784,0.053678429636129066,0.0,0.0,0.14654633154726635,0.0,0.0,0.08004880163051062,0.09307501344511893,0.056876446236754724,0.0,0.08183416088046798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845285021222002,0.06912159350398064,0.0,0.0,0.1343954798594128,0.0,0.0,0.1553170342301847,0.15118441286045334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060987825628245236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Alexis147258,2018/03/08,"Medical Weed Relieves Symptoms? So Ive tried regular conventional medication, but i was trying to seek out new ground techniques when i ended up trying medical grade weed. It seems weird to me but my symptoms of Anxiety attacks, emotional control issues, very high aggression, and depression have all faded...Not only am i not crying at work, but the things that did trigger my attacks no longer do and im much more calm, quiet, and very relaxed during the day. I want to know, Has anyone else done weed and had the same thing occur before? I see a doctor in a couple weeks about getting it prescribed for the Anxiety and Depression But im afraid ill be denied cause of the BPD. Anyone else get a prescription or such while having BPD as co-occuring or sole cause? Any information helps me and others. ",5.541989017693716,7.231173912751678,6.244405125076266,74.41924954240393,68.26174496644296,9.176571079926788,30.323978035387434,9.573946990214177,3.0577865771812083,639,25,106,14,11,209,106,149,0.21600000000000005,0.67,0.113,-0.9643,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,3,1,8,0,11,7,0,4,1,24,17,16,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,2,10,3,12,12,4,12,1,2,1,0,2,6,0,3,6,68,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837823490224476,0.0,0.17634150489888628,0.0,0.0,0.16117976671625614,0.2361873951858414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622413556795415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807462051469967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903225450207478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367999335741132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926973857534732,0.0,0.12752890145457255,0.1266036312621099,0.07433077725204837,0.0,0.1985401610483535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796970476335387,0.0,0.11794720891880693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256369511810148,0.12964782210259032,0.10208287008820977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043331728489433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772538670069269,0.1217746067775397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489931596983187,0.12029763051720667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063341847132146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34832578377410245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472664054138103,0.0,0.0,0.11131525075247904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876576082267944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184434717050603,0.10492500491564527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395908488042307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531423259778741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347543820260529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019703282372152,0.06798115070940942,0.0,0.09245165005024253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390795759211446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,neuropathica,2018/03/08,"These many years gone by... Still in trouble with love Diagnosed super young. Was a cutter, too many suicide attempts. Got passed those major ‘symptoms’ years ago but still can’t feel right when it comes to love. I told my bestie that I love her. She says she loves me too. I clarify that I’m in love with her, she just loves me as a friend.... her best friend. Me: How can you love someone and not live them all the way? It’s all or nothing. I feel like everyone I’ve loved has felt ‘something’ but overall it’s unrequited. I sit up all night wondering what’s so wring about me that I’m only loved ‘as a friend.’ Last night, for the first time in years, I pressed a razor blade into my skin and, dear gawd, did it ever feel good. Obviously, I’m on the crazy train still. :( ",1.9850824175824189,3.819516647435897,2.749304029304028,95.19807692307694,78.03846153846153,5.995604395604397,20.75824175824176,6.868970318607317,0.14962417582417542,591,15,135,6,14,185,100,156,0.071,0.598,0.331,0.996,0,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,1,1,4,11,17,0,0,7,0,5,12,1,1,5,22,26,10,1,0,5,0,6,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,6,7,20,16,14,20,5,27,0,0,0,9,21,7,0,2,16,77,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419788633005668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968020469938807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182059837043652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640710563488006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591877343219932,0.0,0.0907616072775372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408080870188986,0.0678568314322061,0.09119986187640457,0.0,0.0,0.08079363103055053,0.0,0.0,0.22015399625738247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796683578405412,0.07596765363494143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742491444241932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04640455065055826,0.0,0.08387291236117038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7715436770921109,0.0,0.0,0.19259842463585589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827273723687315,0.0,0.09114003591464953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223987068297398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111610732350434,0.0,0.07553535951287367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047992299568615,0.07312358540112678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275638497180848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389745131261788,0.0,0.0,0.09872509805230477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055386132463087996,0.0,0.0,0.0907616072775372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539414788760332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300646490471647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835004022131587 bpd,Lucid_Dreamer28,2018/03/08,"If I ever thought Depression to be hard, realizing it stemmed from BPD just made it so much more difficult. Sometimes, my mind will wander off too far into nomads land and then the daymare develops. Various negative possibilities of how someone will deceive and hurt me down the line all because I overanalyzed what was said/done by them earlier. Emotions are evoked, anxiety builds and all of a sudden, I am caught in my own waking nightmare. I could be folding laundry, showering, anything mindless, and this will happen. It can be so debilitating, exhausting, embarrassing (even to myself but I have shared it with my bf a lot).... And when I share, I feel even worse. If I don't, well, I can't hold back and I become passive aggressive and then verbally aggressive. I am my own worst enemy. I wish I could love her enough so that she can relax and stop fearing the worst of the people she cares about. If I cannot continue to work this out of my system...I will ruin my chances at having the life I so desire. Disconnect with reality and within the self can be .... so hellish :(",4.260532906231799,6.363800143564358,5.45896913220734,77.08827315084451,72.31683168316832,8.911357018054748,30.199184624344788,9.478462496947786,3.0384620850320334,847,37,152,21,17,281,133,202,0.277,0.596,0.127,-0.9882,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,1,15,18,3,2,8,0,22,4,1,2,3,34,30,22,0,7,5,0,2,0,1,4,2,0,1,1,8,13,0,2,3,1,0,1,4,12,1,0,4,2,27,6,19,16,11,18,1,3,0,1,9,9,0,4,8,125,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222682132932115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422376429022803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290800982076206,0.0,0.1053654005165406,0.19089497794381635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176936581682459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17622815576287906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760071507698915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887212410197076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944286391195825,0.0,0.17859626369934145,0.0,0.22832648602797806,0.15634922610118618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449995765990444,0.0873962000646657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284726768248927,0.0,0.15483618787163236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503536402257245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220863378844165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469476042243026,0.1560003865638249,0.16355119361031906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452532498011308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706179826607072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198297476976808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485804830556952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441625718781447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18031621672139475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645197055784476,0.0,0.17094924867246433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450710965985902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372205252879829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540943470881616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876452676932765,0.0,0.0,0.12583404596668887,0.0,0.17614497976205096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oyasumirachel,2018/03/08,"i hate feeling like i'm only good for sex ever since my ex (who i'm still in love with) left me, i've been hooking up with guys because it's the only way i can seem to make others happy. it's not what i want. i want to be loved SO BADLY but it's like nobody wants me for anything other than a hookup. i'm so desperate for love. i hate feeling like this, i've been so suicidal and keep coming dangerously close to seriously hurting myself. i have no friends. i have nobody to hang out with or offer a distraction or support. i have nobody at all and i want nothing more than for this all to be over. i don't know where to go from here. i don't have even the slightest clue of what to do. i need to be loved and supported and i have no one at all to give me those things. for the past 2 years i stayed alive for my boyfriend, but now that he's gone there isn't really anyone left for me to live for. i'm having trouble finding a single reason to keep going. 6 suicide attempts, 2 this year already. everyone says after they try they realize they want to live but the only regrets i had were not being successful.",1.56217426545086,3.273144034042556,3.4866261398176306,89.99666666666668,78.87234042553192,6.178318135764942,22.25430597771023,7.07126945348624,0.6245157041540019,868,26,189,10,21,293,130,235,0.229,0.605,0.166,-0.96,0,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,3,2,10,22,3,1,7,0,19,5,0,2,4,38,49,12,2,7,7,1,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,14,10,0,2,7,0,0,5,7,9,0,1,5,3,25,13,34,40,5,24,0,2,0,5,15,10,0,3,10,128,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103873198928347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669341966009148,0.0,0.09026037045087673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158133947038412,0.06686218844234999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448282794983587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244507428596397,0.09921522024444844,0.0,0.10480751174697586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091878679760094,0.15671616822950735,0.0,0.0,0.10024894915147273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474138364963296,0.0,0.0,0.10521863567354932,0.12467159157304207,0.09199751525666644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860414475630896,0.0,0.1167603783216435,0.0,0.2165799661301695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741870971993215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498389142740266,0.0,0.0,0.06027931375161968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23834340384016725,0.0,0.0,0.16075780167321513,0.0,0.19370549974211448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959754223825111,0.0,0.07321474660987534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132910169245286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524450449114643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432453928970897,0.2502582751334653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047055385895935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026621097070923,0.11277315013620705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722491058636052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998519553511817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090731521249731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690827048167672,0.08759357459585966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995241326280595,0.2489356114173324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286900157027626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446805805538563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234715514578805,0.08706184561298393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126546188721106 bpd,MissBlossomz,2018/03/08,"Will I Ever KNOW Who I Am? I've made so much progress; My last suicide attempt was 4.5 years ago, I'm in a wonderful relationship with my partner of 5 years, I'm close to finishing my Bachelors degree at an extremely prestigious university...the list could go on. But the thing which makes me the most unstable is thinking about my future career. One week I'm certain I'll get my Ph. D in Psychology, the next I'm talking about doing a double major in Policy and Social Welfare, then I'm back to thinking about going to med school. Its utterly painful to never feel like you have a path. Everyone tells me this is normal, but I know it is not. Not to the degree I feel it. It's so hard for me because I'm in a position to have any door I want opened, I get excellent grades and my family has offered to help me pay for my graduate education. I have world famous professors offering to write me letters of recommendation or introduce me to the admissions staff. But I feel like a fraud when I realize how I must sound to people. I feel like a fraud for getting them excited to help me, only to feel disinterested, or unsure that this is the right path for me. Sometimes I get advice which makes sense to me, like the path will be chosen for you...but then when I start to take action I have immense self doubt. I don't know what to do. I'm a huge proponent of therapy, although I recently ended regular psychodynamic sessions about a half year ago. I started to do EMDR again, but it is pretty uncomfortable and I'm not really sure how much help it was. As I said, I'm pretty well generally but feel tormented about my future even though it looks so bright. Is there any hope for a stable sense of self? How do I get there? ",5.736162790697676,5.656557500000003,7.102883720930233,74.77351162790698,67.02325581395347,10.833488372093024,31.734883720930227,10.577609850970193,3.250956279069767,1356,50,268,34,20,466,180,344,0.117,0.738,0.145,0.9214,0,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,1,1,3,21,13,0,1,17,0,24,1,0,6,5,48,62,23,1,5,10,0,7,4,1,3,1,2,1,3,15,6,0,0,13,0,1,3,5,2,1,2,4,11,38,11,39,53,5,37,0,0,2,0,18,11,0,6,27,172,53,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227637864234697,0.18555651338122275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235011959158347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048009974779673,0.0,0.06380215876359528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356562954716687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927011738873221,0.0,0.0,0.06912953702104507,0.0946745145690132,0.0,0.10001086802391394,0.0,0.0,0.09866783601926576,0.0,0.3175273593337912,0.224315792209431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734129114367315,0.0,0.11896584398687035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375832097164506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046207319667587,0.0,0.0,0.10395489602288799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725616721081813,0.08531507024093922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20453403283749974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789133883700348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903553889175393,0.13972796870288876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625802868645037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15388005903298635,0.0,0.08072327323350073,0.0,0.11131127430887268,0.0,0.10254842671823597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092298601446162,0.07960163321972807,0.11136979824183632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725607889281339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296168330752527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705039204534748,0.0,0.103343001680328,0.11236988878008487,0.0,0.08938242223209739,0.09955936287421296,0.0,0.0,0.10592548239539083,0.0,0.0,0.21837460552533572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669169347222443,0.0,0.0,0.10351530057161118,0.0,0.14816333320850214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448534906916433,0.0,0.09864451304531266,0.0,0.07869424791206796,0.0841249003452316,0.0914808859059203,0.0,0.11969232267620915,0.0,0.06953406275566462,0.13412883722730656,0.10283177738521812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617334962029155,0.0,0.08395508942951667,0.0,0.09410544047707503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350356473628835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220041335272088 bpd,salazar_s,2018/03/08,"How best to support my partner with BPD during the ""push"" phase of the push-pull cycle? I want her to know that I love her and am there for her, but I know this often needs to be shown in different ways to people with BPD than to those without BPD. I don't know whether to just give her space and come back to me on her own time (in the past, that's what she's done, but only after a lot of emotional anguish on my part, and probably hers as well) or to just steadily reach out with support, nothing too intense, just a text here and there about something we'd find funny. Not that all people with BPD would react the same way, obviously, but I'm hoping people can shed light on this situation with some of their own experiences and advice. I really just want to help her feel like I am there but also that I am respecting boundaries. I'm afraid the first approach could come off as me abandoning her and the other could smother her. ",10.387613981762918,6.053981500000003,9.634285714285713,73.82500000000002,61.127659574468076,12.657750759878422,38.02735562310031,9.606745405546679,3.3293972644376897,734,21,153,9,7,235,113,188,0.068,0.7609999999999999,0.171,0.9525,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,2,16,12,1,2,8,0,11,1,0,2,2,47,27,16,0,7,12,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,14,0,1,5,0,0,4,3,4,1,1,1,2,23,8,31,21,8,19,0,1,0,1,16,8,0,5,6,117,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576417119689628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473768147199768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910934877517231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432336722669778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.596818043117793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409693837593768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917184932610065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237723620961852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212324423738729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332589576813989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588304749632936,0.0,0.0,0.059900262526496086,0.08463254864321196,0.0,0.0,0.10827630819900844,0.10076761269182184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364393862378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940565161252178,0.0,0.0,0.11766404461808393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531840310664889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787678716067754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071605017337704,0.10692071397261987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784146821424467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367187886744935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009917263325667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828776199024805,0.11308975567753815,0.24638943135733204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277270103438583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589272485585241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331613998220166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120136127502244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688689428834349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907881566095228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974931685855124,0.18806651456709966,0.0,0.0,0.10651568296178243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419755592772185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415525967899712,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nargman,2018/03/08,"Why do I need to tell everyone everything all the time Even little things. I lost 7 pounds over the last month because I don't eat enough. I'm already a twig but I'm strangely proud of this and I've been telling everyone I know even if I've like met them twice but then I tell them it's because I have awful eating habits and they just get weirded out like ""Why are you telling me this I just wanted the notes from class chill""",1.3633333333333333,3.4532384444444446,2.0766666666666684,97.985,81.22222222222223,5.333333333333334,21.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.04911111111111133,340,10,78,3,9,105,63,90,0.094,0.784,0.121,0.517,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,3,2,4,5,0,0,4,1,5,2,0,0,1,12,13,6,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,12,3,5,10,2,7,0,1,0,0,9,3,0,1,6,43,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302919794475167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022118461141458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394297101216574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713763721994456,0.0,0.21909621199240445,0.0,0.0,0.3169701879450049,0.14906310342822934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665432431200305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115160302237647,0.1351969760043759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206036431498147,0.16623398836993888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810543618660069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238683062257334,0.0,0.0,0.12298212322362012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5798712514332263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018914931811544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967135407964335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978277575256195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993233551448198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,timeless-clock,2018/03/08,Anyone else have trouble with alcohol? I wouldn’t say I’m an alcoholic because I drink maybe once every couple of weeks but when I do drink I generally keep drinking with almost no control because at first it’s fun and makes me relaxed but then I start to get suicidal really quick. ,3.680727272727272,5.991004709090912,5.005454545454548,78.76818181818184,74.63636363636364,8.036363636363637,29.181818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.7032909090909087,229,10,40,5,5,76,46,55,0.171,0.6859999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.1804,0,0,5,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,0,11,8,5,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,6,2,5,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39771071728383534,0.1863251470331388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010650916359046,0.1906536913542507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268566448549973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869659721169045,0.0,0.20588614220954213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5468418564622738,0.0,0.0,0.15544004482624216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677445685121202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827352715503945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721541864812956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539015712943125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242051162006607,0.0,0.1869352538574056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816158260273026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920307455410775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479726510930773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170336754103806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353356906869247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925646933868866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Euphorbium,2018/03/08,"Anybody notice, that they treat employment the same as romantic relationships? I've just been fired, but I dont care, other jobs are like a few emails away. I've noticed that the majority of my jobs last like 3 months, and that is about the same as relationships. They start gloriously, divine, first month I am flying, second month it starts becoming clear that this is not paradise, and third month is hell.",6.5428,7.784463013333338,6.15066666666667,77.68200000000003,65.53333333333333,9.733333333333334,28.333333333333336,9.888512548439397,2.5523333333333342,326,10,60,7,5,101,55,75,0.171,0.584,0.245,0.7316,3,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,1,2,6,1,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,10,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,5,5,5,9,4,9,2,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,10,39,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407358843185266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286858857915534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805013016056154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046687455057954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854286404579953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465929004327737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423493212655476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063386731030364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5575620414175644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976419864081075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374981286503224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472124779257436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ClinicallyWeird,2018/03/08,"FP's new girlfriend starts in my therapygroup in monday So about two weeks ago my (ex)boyfriend, who is of course also my fucking FP, broke up with me. It was a pretty clean break, mainly due to the fact that we had only been in a relationship for a couple of months and he still really wanted to be my friend. Now, I am a very self-aware borderline and most of the time I handle myself pretty well. And I really want to be his friend as well, like normal friend without the whole massive mindfuck that is FP-ism, so I figured let's try and see if I can do this. In the very least I can learn from it, right? Yeah well, as the title had you expecting, tonight he came by and told me he has a new girlfriend and coming monday she starts in the same therapygroup I'm in. I mean. I don't even know where to fucking start. Honestly. I'm trying so hard to deal with my disorder, which is, as most of you know, so horribly fucking hard when going through things like breakups and stuff. But his new girlfriend in my fucking safe haven therapygroup? Really? Like REALLY? How does this shit even happen? What am I, a dramatic fucking realityshow? I'm just trying to live a normal fucking life and it's hard enough without life throwing this type of crazy shit in my face. Sorry about the rant but I really don't know how to deal with this and my brain is doing backflips. UPDATE: So I just called my therapists and they are going to talk about it and then probably move her somewhere else. They will call me back in the afternoon. I havent slept, I can't eat and now this isn't even that much of a relief because I feel like an asshole, even though I know I did the right thing. I'm so so so sad.",2.919168412232928,4.564941401759533,3.935595936321743,88.53767961876835,74.86510263929621,7.100167574361121,23.029011311269368,7.83500028581142,0.9712571428571428,1322,37,279,19,28,427,172,341,0.08,0.8079999999999999,0.112,0.7726,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,1,2,2,0,30,23,8,0,18,1,26,14,5,2,1,45,55,32,0,6,7,0,4,4,6,1,2,0,1,0,18,18,1,1,8,0,0,6,7,10,3,1,8,5,38,13,39,43,8,42,0,2,1,6,26,13,8,3,26,191,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931584134095435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253313740648131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060127728459323126,0.0,0.0476674219996988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729235192410036,0.1596932693853045,0.08943514128692563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735874096452878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652214380465,0.0,0.0,0.1612328322399448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896191390062341,0.0,0.06842965445884909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001380503925194,0.06532254073598377,0.0,0.0,0.08079714429585984,0.0,0.20659030212665294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03953813613605103,0.05586308120629892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812415981006196,0.4337444341978107,0.0,0.0,0.08888092814985071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914827044176029,0.0,0.21014418030736115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189742384386195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799604834772244,0.11046398456807888,0.15281003410386734,0.0,0.06904830678576418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517812883215793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241512595584175,0.0831097396004063,0.057482895981955565,0.0,0.0,0.226565916197924,0.0,0.0,0.15323052468790446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947141469945155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910644129769236,0.0843082769627667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504710964963848,0.0,0.0,0.08395300429232204,0.0,0.13355753856791786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062311913008686826,0.0,0.08157525291709554,0.0,0.16053368993881328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753377427569363,0.1660421277068482,0.0,0.062447251308907166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951546048445698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285080635432712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079132808812393,0.10389960393061257,0.0,0.07682695730974451,0.0,0.04559658843751767,0.0,0.0,0.07471941926473229,0.0,0.15926940614057658,0.0,0.076385915247414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290394164577172,0.09224379463160834,0.0,0.0627239384122951,0.0,0.21092219278861427,0.0,0.0,0.0873027963847531,0.0,0.15075588393881734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anefisenuf,2018/03/08,"What role did/does support from loved ones play for you? I always thought that I was a validating and supportive person, but after learning how to emotionally validate someone who isn't necessarily experiencing reality in the same way that I am, I have realized it is far less intuitive than I could have guessed. There are so many situations where we are culturally conditioned to offer comfort which is not necessarily the same as validation, and learning that distinction has made a big difference in emotionally tough situations. I have noticed a real improvement in my relationship with my friend (I'm the FP). For those of you who have loved ones who have learned new communication skills and how to validate and be supportive, how has that changed things for you? Did it make it easier for you to tackle goals or to feel more secure or even to become more self aware? Or does it simply help to improve your relationships with those individuals? 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bpd,astreceleste,2018/03/08,"Slumps on slumps hey all, i’m wishing everyone here well. i’m writing from a really frustrated and exhausted place. i’m having one of the worst lapses i’ve had in a long while and i just... i don’t even know what i want out of posting it other than needing to articulate it. self harm & suicidal thoughts tw i don’t know what triggered it because now it feels like a lifetime ago, but a few weeks ago i relapsed into hurting myself. the last time i hit myself was when i started seeing a therapist two years ago, and i stopped for a long while, and here we are again. i know i should stop but y’all... those few moments of absolute peace, where everything isn’t so overwhelming...i don’t know and then i’ve really screwed myself with my current FP (???) because it’s someone who is in an authority position over me, and i don’t know whether i’m romantically or physically or strictly intellectually attracted to this person, but spending time with them is what i look forward to. when i’m not worrying about disappointing or annoying them, that is. so of fucking course i embarrassed myself wildly on monday in front of them, and then i spent all day today over analyzing how they did or didn’t acknowledge me, how they gave someone else more attention, how they ignored me, how everything went from peaking to being nothing in a moment because i’m an incompetent dingbat and i know this anxiety about this person is so intense partially because i’m challenging other unattached worries into this situation and dynamic. i’m just so tired. i don’t want to be this way and i’m not intentionally doing it, or not doing it — i just am. and i h a t e it. it’s not that i want to die. it’s that i don’t want to exist. not like this, not as i am, and the worst part is it feels like whenever or whatever progress i make is moot because this — all this badness — is the root of me, and i’ll never get beyond it. i just want to hit a restart button",3.464977436068864,5.129160637305702,5.254211933812467,79.57018803275952,73.4559585492228,8.60758816647167,30.068193214106635,9.19923166143015,2.7218060504763493,1530,68,298,35,31,523,184,386,0.155,0.716,0.129,-0.9595,1,0,0,0,0,2,46.0,1,1,6,2,24,20,4,1,15,0,27,4,0,8,4,74,63,38,2,8,20,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,30,19,0,3,11,0,2,3,15,13,1,2,8,4,40,7,35,50,9,47,0,2,2,2,15,15,2,6,32,213,70,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747873344167893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195797236629802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904713931086091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627620349242826,0.3149449336164573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663927823340639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724018849694412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631892555835192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824846641537874,0.0,0.0,0.09873620830738464,0.18573261701934526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449346860642662,0.1476378932532978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955268862912987,0.053985641182697434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061686313172177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407246740238263,0.0842277115828483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144540241889476,0.0,0.0,0.1828875323249589,0.0867711450894543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897355305884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661785870410379,0.07969443800178842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914788687791884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001905752114039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189628112386894,0.0,0.0,0.18044747714817774,0.10795781927767076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989615420679146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239164116640267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234060279643124,0.0,0.10779568743987332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116147208417783,0.0,0.0,0.1751022856429954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313748005713289,0.0,0.0,0.1727769527219168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130262090229409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997405187066698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203244901224448,0.12050506544013785,0.11876259268157015,0.09794472341672594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093835998506967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047334485276504,0.08201851547455499,0.0828850640152004,0.0,0.09290604668665528,0.09578791145570137,0.0,0.0,0.1188243586258571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987318753913645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654110873850146 bpd,giraffe_grr,2018/03/09,If I had a dollar for each time I thought I was worthless garbage... I'd be a thousand dollars in debt because I spent it all on drugs and random things from China that I don't need.,5.4692307692307685,4.0905878461538485,5.932948717948723,87.25788461538464,67.97435897435898,7.8000000000000025,34.884615384615394,3.1291,1.6977076923076924,142,6,32,0,2,46,33,39,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.6597,1,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,5,0,4,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178614128105742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6046980596211954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866368087677468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464176738575486,0.0,0.0,0.4139604634995927,0.3040524411029243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LonelyetDeranged,2018/03/09,"What do you do when you realized that you have the most beautiful thing but still you can't have it forever? **You enjoy the time you have.** You luxuriate in the fact that you have that thing, and when the time comes for the two of you to part ways, you let it go with a smile and a wave so the thing isn’t hurt by your pain. You be strong. You hold it tight. You won’t want to let go. Beautiful things are hard to let go of. It hurts just to think about, doesn’t it? Giving it up. I know. Trust me, I know. But even the most beautiful birds hate to be caged.**Cages are cruel.** If you know you cannot keep the thing you hold so dear, then you know you must let it go. You are not asking how to keep it, you are asking how to deal with it’s future loss. Live with it. Deal with it. Keep smiling, keep moving, keep living. *If you figure out how to deal with the loss of something you hold dear, will you give me a call?* The pain of the loss will lessen with time. As the object leaves your possession you will feel it slip away and you will feel the space in your heart that used to be filled with love fill with pain. And you will want to keep fighting to hold on to that beautiful thing. But you can’t. So keep smiling. Do the right thing. Let it go. Enjoy the time you have with it now, laugh and smile and be happy. But when the thing goes away, you must continue laughing and smiling. Maybe not right away. but soon, very soon after you lose it. The longer you wait and wallow and be sad the more it hurts and the harder it is to find a new beauty to fill that place in your soul the thing used to fill. You live in the moment, and when the moments you share with that thing are over, you smile and wave goodbye. **[~Tori Lavale](https://www.quora.com/profile/Tori-Lavale)** ",0.15296040515653786,2.5122528480663044,0.7158908839779023,103.3625287753223,90.96132596685085,4.121639042357275,13.066528545119706,5.7366,-1.307734990791897,1369,20,326,10,48,410,140,362,0.115,0.664,0.222,0.9949,0,0,1,0,2,0,73.0,0,38,0,5,17,25,3,0,26,0,37,5,1,5,3,69,68,31,0,6,10,0,4,0,0,8,3,0,0,0,35,24,0,13,10,0,0,11,8,14,0,1,0,4,42,11,45,50,4,46,1,8,0,1,49,15,0,4,19,228,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297477991022436,0.0,0.19559347124832316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085889842424159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977667314799893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21462609400483054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583399566610974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017524991835605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634247386206475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331378437799408,0.19719067321575387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387106337751934,0.062163275818958176,0.06851207847335769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822320682748398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286271435846688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4317632113646268,0.0,0.0,0.1525482212547388,0.0,0.0,0.07347808704348505,0.0,0.3547996605289168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838281716843068,0.0,0.0,0.07763398857216905,0.0,0.0,0.06263067562649435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971546806446427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375470010826002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702103060473458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22151990610314115,0.0,0.0,0.07514679718765876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250182283627744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852396905146838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342279023850679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541803301295725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610220273889453,0.04446478892448808,0.0,0.0,0.1618564910605222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778772618775533,0.0,0.0,0.11986804375223335,0.0,0.0572572090151109,0.08186060313283595,0.05508162278580405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,W1ndyw1se,2018/03/09,"Troubles with spending I have been diagnosed BPD for about four years now. The biggest issue I have is my spending habits. The issue I am having now is when I buy something I usually return it. During Christmas time I received some cash and I purchased a few items. I returned the items to the same store around 5 or 6 times and bought something else. Right now I am visiting my grandfather. He gave me some money to do what ever I want to do with. I went to an store and purchased a item that was on clearance and it was a good deal. I am battling my urges to return the item. I keep trying to justify why I should return it so I can purchase something else. The thing is when I leave the store I purchased the item from is not where I live so I have two more days to decided what I should do. I was wondering what I should do. Return the item or just keep it and learn to deal with my purchases. ",2.020221793635489,4.0061448633879815,3.180912889746065,91.43013500482158,78.50819672131148,6.054516232722597,23.8794599807136,7.048011613610866,0.8271539054966253,702,24,148,8,17,226,93,183,0.039,0.935,0.026,-0.2732,0,0,3,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,12,3,1,0,13,0,23,1,0,0,1,26,30,11,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,9,0,2,3,0,14,3,1,2,0,2,7,0,27,1,16,20,11,24,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,5,16,119,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854781437657538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016428609932028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761599472247632,0.3440669678494107,0.0,0.16936741203229294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278793446855812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094157433075842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399608825455004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483334804092704,0.0,0.2966397239120843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766890186138641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734741814594265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425042799598902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38538919936510574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110859622040132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19460403579125984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329235466635143,0.0,0.16300569729164985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378142352158086,0.0,0.09842301434793706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468822062550808,0.1505723305084249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809611259317291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074574604747224 bpd,flizfreezi,2018/03/09,"Does anyone feel the need to hurt others emotionally as a form of sick revenge? 1. I have bpd 2. I know it's objectively wrong to hurt people but there's this deep nitpicking urge inside of me to do it. I broke up with my gf. I've been wanting to for months so I did it. The next day I asked for her back (due to comfort for my loneliness rather than actual feelings for her). She said no (wisely) because she knows her mental limits (me). Now I want her to hurt emotionally for rejecting me because how dare she (sarcasm but I guess not really). Here are some reasons I think I have this urge: 1. I'm self loathing and insecure and this is a huge power play 2. I'm bitter and mean and want to see others hurt as a way to cope with my own internalized and repressed emotions. 3. I'm a sociopath? Doubt it but who does stuff like this with a shred of sanity/decency left? I know what buttons to push with her. I know how to make her really go to the edge. I know how to make her never forget me again. All through words and emotions. I don't want to do it. It's messed up. But deep down I do. Ultimately I would like to walk away from this but I can't. I want to emotionally hurt her. Why? What is wrong with me? Why is it that I feel the need to have the last jab? The whole relationship was a lie. I never loved her. I did what I did for personal gain that I won't go into. Sick. I know. People like me should not date. People like me need therapy and better socialization, I know. Trust me. I've deleted her on all social media as a preemptive. I genuinely do not have feelings for her but I think it's a control thing or a sick and twisted high. My brother is a sociopath. Legitimately. I don't think I am. I don't want to be anything--not a sociopath, not borderline, nothing. I cry. I hurt. I laugh. I have feelings like everyone else but sometimes I wonder, what if a little bit of my brothers... mental instability... is in me. I know some things I do are sick. I'm a manipulator. A liar. I know this. I'm not trying to get all r/imverybadass because I'm truly not. I just want to know wtf is wrong with me. 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I have a family member diagnosed with BPD a year ago. Many of the usual things fit but her paranoia seems more intense than online resources imply. For example, for several weeks she believed a family friend was faking an illness to exploit resources and care and then when she died, she accused the widower of trying to pick up women at the funeral. She now thinks the widower is evil and out to harm our own family. If anyone is “caught” even speaking with anyone in the family she freaks out. This has gone on for a year (since diagnosis) and persists even after DBT for several months. Online resources seem to characterize BPD paranoia as not significant. Can anyone here relate to this? Is this what it means when it says “transient” paranoia? Thank you for your time. ",6.016079545454549,8.030895368055559,6.232121212121212,73.69772727272729,67.54166666666667,9.125252525252526,31.146464646464647,9.573946990214177,3.24331388888889,639,26,101,14,11,204,96,144,0.244,0.67,0.086,-0.9802,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,2,0,1,6,7,1,0,10,0,7,2,0,1,0,16,15,10,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,2,10,3,24,12,2,22,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,3,12,74,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153619777069708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729924453000631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662412971867536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.491723391252173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268723139814945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209018487052476,0.1350656164076818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191355805076325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907407017662334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054646862427004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319423570928039,0.0,0.14176149649721034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038771546272983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349319727639644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369506152342153,0.0,0.2940441491975141,0.0,0.10765382463291746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981617484080935,0.0,0.0,0.08645977283496244,0.0833889775579512,0.0,0.0,0.07588615411835113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835706876977079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333171840699324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439110951881826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676128323566381 bpd,Laura56785,2018/03/09,"Is this me or my BPD??? I’m just going to get straight to the point. I seem to be able to get a guy but I can’t keep them. I hear “how the hell are you single”... a lot. It’s not just about looks, I know that. But I also get told how great my morals are, how loyal I am, that I’m a good friend etc. I’m just interested to know if this is common for people with bpd or if it’s me personally. I know there are other things in life but I’ve been single for 6 years now. My guess is that it’s because I go “psycho” on them. Too needy, too honest, I’m not mysterious, I text back straight away, I have no game, I’m too nice.... I can’t imagine it helps that I have zero will power when it comes to sex either. I try SO HARD to play it cool but I’m so impatient and I just want a big crazy romance. I had long relationships when I was younger (3 or 4 years). Am I going to be alone forever now? Is this it?",-1.2014375279892526,0.4859918768472902,1.726862964621585,99.11660882221227,88.35960591133005,4.873175100761308,15.13860277653381,6.11248444174946,-0.8930866995073892,673,12,180,6,22,236,110,203,0.117,0.667,0.21600000000000005,0.9718,1,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,2,1,20,11,1,0,6,1,19,2,0,3,0,31,42,18,0,3,16,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,16,3,0,1,5,2,0,4,5,1,0,1,4,4,25,10,15,35,5,20,2,0,1,1,11,7,1,8,9,119,41,0,0.15882491317289696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644947109594838,0.0,0.12701222568250506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492212341223703,0.12212655455314465,0.0,0.09681819291065093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40006883642320223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681359937954105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713176165752326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270773393514853,0.0,0.24893838562887385,0.0,0.2707915748331532,0.13321480177245945,0.0,0.17510502747431786,0.17496354793898525,0.157261634458446,0.0,0.0,0.14227592581069495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900722018894638,0.0,0.10645699141430888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117088039202222,0.0,0.0,0.2618580559485279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218273318472108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405550502294659,0.13337292598870173,0.0,0.0,0.1350272615469542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010919687252947,0.13867978802008926,0.0,0.0,0.15014087969712758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051851818321748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458823590603714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551621500275216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176401082882918,0.0,0.1078316905032861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367904880098148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045560736080433 bpd,ThisIsTherapeutic,2018/03/09,"How do you not explode at the tiniest things? My mood is unstable anyway, but sometimes the smallest and stupidest things are enough to just send me over the edge and I can’t go on like this. I suppose it’s relative and there are things I look back on and call stupid but at the time it’s justified...? I don’t know :(",1.1833186813186811,3.4467665846153857,2.3729670329670327,94.58846153846157,83.15384615384616,6.175824175824177,23.131868131868128,7.447530270364453,0.8972637362637359,248,9,55,4,7,79,46,65,0.212,0.742,0.046,-0.9171,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,1,7,1,6,9,1,10,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,3,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486799483243213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302346105203798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341657864530835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379959783675665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773597795023366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580002785657176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715803492867789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31985769994811164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6445715345922711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18858116790622045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IO_you_new_socks,2018/03/09,"I can only be happy when I’m SURE everybody in the room thinks that I’m the greatest person there. I’ve come to realize that my constant need for validation and extreme fear of being seen as I see myself (a loser) has taken over my life. I don’t socialize like normal people do. Every interaction I have with others is a constant process of analyzing everything they’ve said and done to make sure that they like me. They NEED to like me, or else my negative feelings are justified and I may as well just die. Let’s say I’m hanging out with a friend. If everything’s going well, my feelings of insecurity are temporarily lifted. I think to myself “Hey, I’m actually a perfectly normal stable person. Everybody loves me and I love them!” For the most part, this is good. Sometimes though, this mood turns me into an arrogant “do no wrong” prick. I end up saying really nasty things without realizing it and act almost manic in my mannerisms and confidence. I’ve lost friends over some of the stupid shit I’ve said and I take full responsibility. Now, let’s say that I have an interaction that doesn’t go well. If even a close friend so much as jokes about something I’m insecure about, I can feel my whole being shift in an instant. I enter a downward thought spiral and become the most irritable person you can imagine. Everything they say after “insulting” me is perceived as a direct attack on my self worth. I acknowledge that I don’t actually hate this person, but until I snap out of it (which can take from an hour to a day usually), I can’t help but act like it. I’ve cut people out of my life for the dumbest shit because of my mood swings. Relationships are impossible because the smallest indicator that a person isn’t into me will be blown up and I’ll cut them out completely. Shit’s exhausting yo. ",4.134096459096458,5.927919356125357,5.7046265771265805,76.4907371794872,71.96296296296295,8.88892958892959,27.92032967032967,9.424239791934726,2.6219115995116002,1438,54,265,34,28,488,183,351,0.14800000000000002,0.715,0.136,-0.8521,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,5,3,12,37,10,3,20,0,29,9,4,1,3,50,58,22,1,6,7,0,3,4,3,2,3,6,1,6,16,19,0,0,11,1,1,7,8,17,3,0,7,11,39,18,41,43,8,35,0,2,2,2,30,18,4,8,14,179,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.16608969681875727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521486913027349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681298078853856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375174586183646,0.09398572558369646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330569475908748,0.08922521972905348,0.18392468162867665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488214543013135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831985845389212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708634716693564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108972292997168,0.0,0.0753729091666661,0.0,0.0,0.0562074253876682,0.0,0.07170000956000687,0.0,0.2294458636542816,0.0,0.0,0.09576061059104728,0.12908661136312907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972430166859811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967280281008875,0.07137743353300421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905900134334076,0.0,0.08401815034844798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05704040938166495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380587778239218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404003431884735,0.12021660468511974,0.16630129298353066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289617052848234,0.0,0.15361126500513214,0.0,0.056804585376053825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625579333340066,0.12620042039518758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667589077483126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472201395725125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215447910797582,0.0,0.1179945738246974,0.3715280591973021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451692677987207,0.0,0.0,0.09136502877929603,0.0,0.0,0.16189824788476528,0.2706981918122636,0.0,0.0,0.06781329356014877,0.0,0.08877735101053932,0.0,0.262060279884129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674823611936526,0.0,0.06551376227825143,0.08416559381252056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041056676567492,0.0,0.12796848521087795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653633472260412,0.10905666283420096,0.08360983891880222,0.06755950718600247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256383261706502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372509020688696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295440452282469,0.0,0.0,0.09501056658356513,0.0,0.08203289322892017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930429577304904,0.0,0.0 bpd,whokilledtony,2018/03/09,I devalued my best friend of 10 years and I'm scared it's permanent. I can't stop crying. I probably have BPD+NPD and because they couldnt be there to help me with my OCD and be calm with me my mind broke and devalued them becuase i was too self absorbed with my problems. I don't even want to talk to them anymore. I feel so fucking sad. Please someone tell me this isn't permanent. Please. Why do I do this. I'm getting therapy soon and I hope it can help me feel for them again but i'm scared it won't. I'm so fucking suicidal.,-0.40131578947368496,1.814008868421056,1.7617192982456125,95.96836842105265,91.89473684210527,5.4961403508771935,22.51228070175439,7.03164865440522,0.7643164912280698,417,17,96,7,15,139,67,114,0.17,0.669,0.161,-0.7219,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,1,7,11,2,2,0,0,12,2,0,0,0,17,23,8,1,4,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,1,2,20,4,8,18,1,4,0,2,0,2,10,0,2,1,4,59,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082739165106908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500303179867954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807675221849439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21694497433645496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18921039379217064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137706170874986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419126068871607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308122885775187,0.3184878246395114,0.08999439890470219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23091335457963724,0.0,0.0,0.1710847950014511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392510405429407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781612601025372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571645613369256,0.1648216047916084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449079836534183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969607997875853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459482984554363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401012624981605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841539192011791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384493841147474,0.15055556987253005,0.0,0.19698482006848614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015985099948854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554303587170518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092444124370504 bpd,dolcebellaluna,2018/03/09,"Has anyone here paid to see an ""out of network"" provider? Was it worth it? I was disappointed after an intake with a new therapist this week who said that my case was out of her ""skill level"" and ""expertise"". I've found a really great looking therapist but they're ""out of network"" and I've never used ""out of network"" benefits before. I'm aware that the out of pocket cost is higher, as well as the deductible but I'm looking for a quality provider who specializes in DBT and EMDR. I'd rather pay an ""out of network"" provider than someone who doesn't take insurance at all, which seems to be another barrier to treatment. I can afford the out of pocket cost and would just be limiting myself to going every other week versus every week like I would be seeing an ""in network"" therapist but it's better than nothing and I'm not in crisis right now to a point where I can't go two weeks in between sessions, provided I have access to my therapist via phone or e-mail if I need them.",4.798703409992072,5.645021685567008,5.98360824742268,78.74271609833467,69.25773195876289,9.06201427438541,30.38699444885012,9.265573868473778,2.6778704203013484,773,30,145,15,13,259,117,194,0.028,0.856,0.116,0.9565,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,3,6,7,0,0,11,0,14,0,0,1,2,32,30,12,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,11,13,0,2,2,0,5,2,4,1,1,1,6,5,11,6,33,19,1,26,0,1,4,0,7,16,0,3,9,100,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573086824225075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050861934474326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014532005337407,0.0,0.0,0.11448063057529667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812036506619392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419261005955046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471293583569267,0.0,0.0,0.14270988870264265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632386574268685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173967897818928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597935180562203,0.0998333891249207,0.1250155632171496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420276520896932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236420929968166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292364285921525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105424716093114,0.123128661868057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20629649059253494,0.11783882708272528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967549968084274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973240201865109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011669825705493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644569461415422,0.0,0.0,0.11179603526094366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41532117201392493,0.0,0.1163835989497631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18390328484318572,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawaywubz,2018/03/09,"I need some help, guys. How do we know when our emotions are ACTUALLY rational and we SHOULD be upset? Sorry if this has been brought up before. So I've started a new relationship recently and I'm now experiencing all my classic BPD symptoms. I really don't want to fuck things up with this person, so I'm trying to really hard to always practice mindfulness, DBT strategies, etc. I struggle the most with jealousy, especially regarding a person's past. I got really upset last night because my boyfriend/FP told me something about his past that he's done sexually (I asked), but he wouldn't do that same sexual thing with me. Of course, my thoughts are ""if he did it with some other girl, but won't do it for me, then I am not as important or good enough (or even hot enough) as she was."" ^^That's the background of my question. This scenario made me really start thinking though to a more general topic. Since we are constantly trying to tell ourselves that our emotions/reactions are more extreme than they should be and we should let things pass / be more understanding / let go, how do we know when something is ACTUALLY a big deal and we have a right to be upset about? Generally, I'm nervous that I will just downplay problems/emotions because my brain is just thinking ""oh you're overreacting, let it go, don't mention it, it's just BPD.."" but in reality those problems are rational issues that aren't okay. sorry if this doesn't make sense or is super long! my mind is fried. thank you all.",5.251678321678328,6.513034062937063,5.912874125874126,78.14008041958044,68.51048951048952,9.076643356643356,31.08321678321679,9.3871,2.7897012587412595,1186,48,221,24,20,386,161,286,0.08900000000000001,0.8490000000000001,0.062,-0.3328,0,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,8,1,1,1,14,11,1,5,7,1,37,3,1,4,2,55,60,23,0,10,13,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,20,14,0,0,7,0,0,4,7,7,0,0,9,3,29,4,21,38,12,23,0,0,0,1,27,5,1,10,14,153,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.19549348224495428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334543203399876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936408975115186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211949612778936,0.0,0.08523316838106129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25230900955525776,0.11181743825844156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824294694697728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326587534208828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250372894734894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253446323527036,0.0,0.20699475944046314,0.1117106239620011,0.06615813941215985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926010706585664,0.0,0.0,0.11385233043543452,0.08401377871320731,0.08011122376366772,0.0,0.0,0.09917925021602687,0.0,0.0,0.08972830337347386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713859120874803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045463968548211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009629797899556,0.08164796922102892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072769685059149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886430091092427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094778690428151,0.06686101796406818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227650294713512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427119236286703,0.0,0.09674012971932994,0.0,0.09399821147810088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123794647216533,0.0,0.1749206975155066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584452459770768,0.0,0.0,0.11220789614077058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566734496269312,0.0,0.09890100537425603,0.1075398894307446,0.0,0.08554049406156776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285765031067184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542240580608621,0.0,0.2242533780991743,0.14179482282941222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471436694987477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410994736212932,0.0,0.0,0.08754875938875872,0.0922186160164206,0.0,0.0,0.19963583220365044,0.1283635721410028,0.0984117550531311,0.07951994356975102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571209694986024,0.0,0.13601112884870195,0.0,0.0,0.10427545763122116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908000290742841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,loveletr,2018/03/09,"Had my first psych appointment today After being in and out of hospitals and therapy and a random misdiagnosis of OCD, I saw a proper psychologist for the first time today. It was so scary tbh, I was really nervous, but we spoke about BPD and although she hasn’t officially diagnosed me, I feel at ease finally knowing what’s probably up with me. We spoke about my symptoms and we’re going to start DBT. I’m hopeful for the first time in a long time. Random vent but I really hope things will look up. :)",4.74642857142857,6.025212214285716,6.365918367346943,74.3576530612245,69.71428571428571,10.089795918367347,28.285714285714285,10.290406445055957,3.02141224489796,399,14,74,11,7,137,68,98,0.042,0.802,0.156,0.9292,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,17,17,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,6,5,11,2,15,9,0,19,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,4,12,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321551096451445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708939963324486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320195443130733,0.0,0.0,0.2019227023449313,0.0,0.4703688122619076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475805165334308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36615929420499865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130204297457117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312479316775905,0.15478939341252354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873714230300152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361709276500783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046855797619314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915877382865474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079553763022532,0.0,0.12245956811988218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224500373376259,0.0,0.3494434540423038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bpdcupcake,2018/03/09,"Splitting so hard you worry about psychopathy? Hi, I have always had this problem and was wondering if it's kind of a normal feature of bpd or more specific to me. When I don't like someone, I don't do anything to harm them, but I also lowkey want them to suffer horribly. This has recently come up because I have a few newish roommates and they make a lot of noise and are kind of bitchy to me in several ways. I know that it's hard to state ahead of time the way you'd feel in an extreme scenario, but I think that if they died I would be happy. I know how bad that is. The thing is, I knew someone in high school who was unpleasant to me and she died in a car accident and I was happy. So I don't think I'm exaggerating in any way. Is this a bpd thing? I am capable of empathy and affection for others, but I am also capable of very dark thoughts when it comes to people I don't care about or dislike, and I know from my attempts to explain them to friends that these thoughts are very different from the norm. I do feel bad about it, please know that. ",5.339600301659125,4.51571122171946,6.222364253393668,83.25339555052794,68.00452488687782,9.900603318250377,31.99132730015083,9.2995712137729,2.4681580693815985,824,30,184,14,12,274,116,221,0.235,0.642,0.124,-0.9827,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,5,2,10,12,0,0,9,0,23,0,0,3,0,37,42,21,2,6,7,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,17,9,0,0,13,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,7,4,29,7,29,32,3,19,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,6,6,130,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887675866562025,0.0982054676224573,0.0,0.0,0.08026040392469312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712374012565683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709031041307346,0.07194636784746787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972943287236845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033338892501602,0.0,0.0,0.20333454388227304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24498066887556255,0.12331001627129985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193530158381783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118509133479402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25127760022337753,0.211452740161384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469889300168573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24580778038199055,0.25945173389030224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057660591150127775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033983011497324,0.0,0.0,0.07878197250446005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563851402249258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818230184164982,0.0,0.0,0.12955496931347305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293308016365446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653451477878173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944664363281228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333358678777654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000027958720121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681987424546068,0.15125009637785422,0.0,0.18739583089312448,0.06882077500092151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476441002721284,0.06961364493609401,0.2810460014490238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799205197388092,0.0,0.11985915584214292,0.0,0.08384090167293039,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,heartsandstar,2018/03/09,"It’s not you. It’s really, really me. Some say people with BPD can’t love, but I call BS — I’m in love. There’s no way it’s anything else. I feel protected and protective about him. He makes me happier than anyone ever has. He’s the person I see a future with. So, what do I do to this guy? I mistreat him, of course! I got an attitude with him again for the who-knows-how-many-th time. Because how *dare* he have his own beliefs. I mean, he can have them, but he can’t disagree with me. Look, now we’re arguing. It must be his fault, right? He’s telling me what I do that causes us to argue. I’ll dissociate and selectively remember the bad things he says about me. Hey, while I’m at it, I might as well throw in something he accidentally did that hurt my feelings a month ago. Oh no, now he wants to stop talking to me. But what if he never comes back? I’m going to refuse to let him leave. Oh, now he’s mad at me! That’s wrong of him! I’m just a flawed person and I made a mistake. Wait, you mean he’s the same too? He’s a person with flaws and feelings too? This guy does everything he can for me. From coddling me, to giving me space. From being with me all of the time so I feel at ease, to pushing me away so that I can focus on myself. He holds me in bed and lets me cry to him when I am depressed. He’ll calmly talk to me for hours as I act like a total wreck and help me sort out my emotions. He gently wraps his arms around me even a terrible episode of me hurting his feelings. He still looks at me like I am his world even after everything I put him through. For some reason, he loves me, and believes in me. Yet, in return, he gets to deal with my episodes weekly. Sometimes I wonder if the best thing for us to do is to part ways... Not that I’d be able to handle it. But recently I realized even a break up would be selfish of me. Because if we part, I can blame my BPD for ruining my life again. Then I can let myself go. Ditch DBT and spiral back into my unhealthy habits. Get depressed. Stop trying. Isolate myself. I wouldn’t have to face the reality that I am abusive. I wouldn’t have to face the reality that I need to change. What a selfish, shitty person I am, for wanting to give up on myself when I have someone who wont give up on me. I honestly feel burnt out. Maybe I’ll drive him off before I get better. Hell, I may have driven him off tonight. But I will still continue my battle with my own toxic mind. Then maybe, one day, I’ll be able to love him the way he loves me.",0.11848018923713965,2.0939528389513136,2.3385905775675155,94.98223240685984,85.21722846441949,5.3204021289178005,18.918982850384392,6.5966054737557815,-0.058431460674157165,1912,51,449,21,57,646,245,534,0.198,0.682,0.119,-0.9936,0,0,1,0,0,0,84.0,3,2,1,3,29,29,5,0,19,0,40,9,3,5,5,74,79,27,0,11,11,0,6,2,0,9,1,2,1,6,22,22,0,7,13,0,0,9,10,17,1,1,4,11,87,12,70,58,10,70,2,5,3,5,69,25,1,9,34,298,109,0,0.14721142401634285,0.08721073263458518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524702258071366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514668252541616,0.0,0.060571229369610076,0.06552468900443151,0.0,0.0,0.06915498938355108,0.11319649824965855,0.06145769501417861,0.08973871771332476,0.0,0.06263303960210008,0.08292843181773765,0.0772446536410192,0.06509827076648726,0.0,0.0,0.18540763516838224,0.0,0.07515966157230153,0.0,0.0,0.07561334185891197,0.07786508353552676,0.06340480339988817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808524183830097,0.047469594996644784,0.07588425706445631,0.1267929837942634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441285459849093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148812750415416,0.08279651895120492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584763576818252,0.06658058051793088,0.0,0.0,0.132304135658472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330355757312664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536783968162012,0.21182791795016684,0.08366364475708539,0.0,0.058869211902691725,0.0,0.0,0.14576245432329327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493363572172578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248679958645245,0.0,0.1575928741085859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793782119084021,0.0,0.2258004824037563,0.05198989117088465,0.07192006583813748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362052002918128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321601442311931,0.06964750441379343,0.04913238432317519,0.0,0.14789366198465034,0.16035639726156214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780840286264531,0.07432078649840093,0.0,0.05875137708546819,0.0,0.0,0.05457770279946878,0.05676926274891224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049877135387536284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594156265611538,0.0,0.05102893288301507,0.2570786744834905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739940706022845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430740778881654,0.07567893095842396,0.07267676074880837,0.0,0.08338092312923401,0.06285887588020071,0.0,0.1170684330117073,0.0,0.0,0.058654222706853436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236588092496,0.05666527315361945,0.07279793126926419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175632333802,0.1230753421688822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183229663547032,0.06433463659822447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780072884699327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584016518684189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049973446847717734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770772174270958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682911200131728,0.1752743643846104,0.05904206234484932,0.0,0.06618037478599298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982225486340189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052287385959557606,0.0804762912626856,0.0,0.0 bpd,aveindha25,2018/03/09,Discarded by a narcissist My exboyfriend is a covert narcissist. He discarded me and I feel devastated. Not sure how to get over him. ,2.568749999999998,5.4823183750000055,3.958333333333332,77.37,94.41666666666666,10.733333333333334,31.0,9.516144504307137,4.813199999999998,107,6,19,5,4,35,21,24,0.388,0.612,0.0,-0.8677,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247779099877092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4389156209811613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7917807808005921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,recklessardilla,2018/03/09,"Quit lamotrigine cold turkey after 5yrs...withdrawal, need advice I'm BPD, I quit lamotrigine (200mg/day) cold turkey after 5 years of taking it. It's being a week now and I feel terrible. My question is, what can I do to make this process easier? I definitely don't want to take that shit again and these withdrawal symptoms are a fucking nightmare, it's insane how bad this is. Also, I'm looking for natural supplements or things I can add to my diet to detox my body and to stimulate it to produce serotonin and all that shit. Please help",3.1987500000000004,5.608650605769235,4.804461538461538,79.14053846153845,76.59615384615384,8.006153846153849,26.746153846153845,8.841846274778883,2.423495384615385,429,17,77,10,10,144,70,104,0.16399999999999998,0.691,0.145,-0.6105,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,3,0,2,0,8,7,3,4,1,15,18,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,8,0,10,17,1,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,2,6,49,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475177342349465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937859949189845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664055688981657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22137523406632575,0.2510089501496948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285307715975975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077109553807076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842478599532839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358529941949265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736018946201228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303301340434362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14777699816768824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876943952251088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325945679424816,0.4239560721389969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091532223531596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207147010989196,0.2996947006247989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240478607833026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175511689477479,0.0,0.15986489521204722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834142679582336 bpd,shej,2018/03/09,"Diagnosed today Hello friends! So I was diagnosed today with BPD, and when the psychiatrist went through the different symptoms, I was so shocked to realize that almost everything in there are just things that have been my reality my whole life. I had no idea that it was an actual disorder and it’s comforting but also very unnerving because now I’m questioning who I’ve always perceived myself as?? Like am I even this personality and being that I’ve always been?? I also realize these are very BPD thoughts to have so that’s ironic. But like almost everything that I’ve just considered habits or staples of my personality are actually related to this!! And I also have ADHD so I wonder if it’s all related and intertwined. BUT YEAH. I mean, I’m not sure why I’m posting, but I haven’t told my close friends about it cause I’m trying to process what it all means but I wanted to reach out to other people who have probably had the exact same thoughts so yeahhhhhh. Any advice or words of encouragement??? ",4.46377617801047,6.594605047120421,6.0551537958115205,72.91215477748693,71.82722513089007,9.801178010471203,30.26210732984293,10.125756701596842,3.5150861256544506,808,35,141,24,16,275,106,191,0.06,0.809,0.13,0.9475,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,15,8,0,0,4,1,17,4,0,1,4,39,29,23,0,2,11,0,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,2,19,8,0,0,10,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,11,0,15,7,14,17,4,9,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,7,6,102,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.2316833653128904,0.0,0.14266369937341794,0.115999881941358,0.0,0.0,0.237737415781346,0.0,0.0,0.2847917387355946,0.19754878735955406,0.0,0.0,0.08072537024753887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723631691151457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990166207141317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219456034969692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24097182325764346,0.0,0.12402437854749168,0.13604941571840928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840537805062386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21337382096035035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834266935901181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340066497056034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384682515957384,0.115989263489215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586151750196208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229703731170533,0.2073021330321958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113689252313502,0.0,0.12798707896772307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297989628114054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188069053005373,0.12338284985472225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886418328093224,0.0,0.0,0.1884814565085744,0.0,0.0,0.2250422162107882,0.11343038380538945,0.0,0.08059479960612789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958927234560432,0.07001693222251483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004331386223827,0.10711531982271033,0.13253301214936564,0.0,0.0,0.12873353832144052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Harpy1018,2018/03/09,"Shutting off has helped my BPD It's not normal, I know that. I shouldn't need to shut off to help my BPD. I didn't intentionally shut off. I used to be super clingy in relationships and started arguments over tiny things but if there's something I'm worried about I just push it to the back of my mind now. I internalise my thoughts and I am no longer clingy. I can go days without talking to my BF. Anybody else like this? I still get really triggered some days that lasts for a few hours and I still need to learn to take time away when I feel this way because I'm very likely to cause arguments when I feel this way, but other than that, I don't really care anymore. I think it's my depression, but I'm not sure. I don't like life.",2.140284715284718,3.7319192922077917,3.3585714285714268,92.08258241758242,76.85714285714286,6.816383616383617,22.885114885114888,7.61054688173877,0.7397678321678329,577,17,132,8,13,187,92,154,0.14800000000000002,0.78,0.07200000000000001,-0.9093,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,4,1,28,24,9,0,5,8,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,2,2,21,6,19,20,2,25,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,2,15,81,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155804424593264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435810009280744,0.1175104404260442,0.0,0.09315867897700672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38494711769148987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581188994623302,0.15698996420063888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711468468216506,0.0,0.13162509087281876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766290575614536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545424685090308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798430214221421,0.0,0.08685208372232364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048663043561631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049857329847427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398679985748961,0.1245700677609576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794247355105244,0.22398286367842984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430633437043512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266306817817721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497328013561232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19580296556984367,0.0,0.0,0.1640732946722631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764959708307945,0.0,0.0,0.10816797316903473,0.0,0.24408718548780364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403262682194548,0.0,0.11490288605658168,0.12283227930064633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152793503780468,0.09792196322945962,0.0,0.12132334525082238,0.08911155179997454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198886643347074,0.0,0.1260938925251791,0.0,0.2426054759963113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473146481032676,0.0,0.0,0.1551978363275526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yourebeautifuller,2018/03/10,"Does anyone else find that they stay in a knowingly emotionally abusive relationship just because it’s easier than dealing with being alone? My fiancé is very emotionally abusive. I can’t talk to the opposite sex. I’ve had to quit all my jobs in my graduated field because it deals with male musicians. I can’t wear certain things. He uses my BPD against me and says things like “We’re not going to make it unless you learn to control your emotions” “you’re acting like your mother again” “You probably don’t even have BPD”. He currently lives with his ex because of his daughter. He claims they live separate lives but I’m being kept a secret from her. I can only see him when she’s asleep or not in the house. The list goes on and on. It’s killing me. Not literally yet, but the toll that your SO is constantly around someone they’ve shared a life with and you’re being kept a secret is... indescribable. But I can’t be alone again. I was more destructive to myself when I was single than I am with him. So I’m dealing with it. It hurts. So much. Everyday. I know no one is probably going through this exact example but has anyone stayed with someone abusive just because you can’t be alone again?",2.526301418439715,4.97214740851064,3.7947074468085127,85.29645833333333,79.17021276595744,6.9804964539007095,24.68528368794326,8.07648339933343,1.615656028368794,951,35,184,18,24,310,131,235,0.154,0.805,0.042,-0.9846,2,3,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,6,2,2,13,7,2,0,8,0,21,4,2,3,3,36,32,14,1,0,11,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,11,0,3,6,0,0,3,9,3,0,1,5,2,29,4,25,22,4,20,0,1,1,1,30,6,0,1,11,123,40,3,0.0,0.352592027555646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082104669235248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387198702117885,0.10163771009644924,0.0,0.08830519766349453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24187509551423414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24986700617163995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719530444240236,0.11125640471395104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067992120880292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680681959444309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286527316207894,0.3347454104516672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551781982712747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906630665107566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127503968316913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445851169351072,0.10619104119346308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984364193625442,0.0,0.10974533747017072,0.0,0.10903071759142867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006485167809108,0.09692401026701174,0.0,0.26277484335646034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621389548362965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292024811074399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721756892256893,0.07544279461393658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389946936021167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550682996610647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064990515537038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888439666272377,0.0,0.0,0.07904612457721133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680963779061689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145882110589811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972974073464456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318024217083043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567322987504701,0.0,0.08184683551013261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spythrowshislifeawa,2018/03/10,"So I tried to go on a date last night... Last night I had a date planned out with this girl I had met from tinder but when she got to my house she didn't seem very interested in the situation and just seemed down. I've been trying to be more confident in my feelings so I just told her that her mood was going to ruin my night and that I would rather just go by myself. I went to an old bosses house but didn't feel right being there for some reason. He is obviously upset that I left the company for a better job and was just doing the all woe is me so I got an Uber to the concert after about 10 minutes of being there. I managed to run into an old group of friends I don't speak to because they are friends with an ex that has a restraining order against me. I proceeded to run from there into another group of people that were friends with a girl i dated for a month and ended up getting blocked. so i go outside to smoke a cig to run into my bosses friends. I said fuck it at that point ubering myself home, I called the crisis line but I don't have anyone to take care of my dog so I didn't kill myself Idk. Sorry my jumbled thoughts that I needed to share",2.7837426900584816,3.7056468906882607,4.189197031039138,89.46888776428253,74.02024291497975,6.784435447593343,23.84367971210077,6.937597516519254,0.6713393612235716,910,25,203,8,18,302,135,247,0.112,0.741,0.147,0.8819,1,0,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,1,2,15,14,2,1,16,0,21,1,0,3,2,34,41,13,1,3,8,1,2,0,4,1,0,3,1,2,9,11,0,2,6,1,0,8,5,5,0,0,16,5,34,8,39,21,3,37,0,2,0,1,21,13,1,3,15,143,43,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282714186502542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553447829350998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456992309543259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818904411382747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491041383563392,0.0,0.12472139770801555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834616792901128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12370527489490407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780407796374892,0.1130901278914246,0.06391125370751169,0.0,0.27808694906248205,0.0,0.19567351600882615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270480943155153,0.0,0.0,0.2822998340182725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139151748630846,0.0,0.1353376437178721,0.0,0.0,0.19942705231404528,0.0,0.0,0.13290956898598508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764092428888366,0.0,0.0,0.09070455215290993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34438920679931295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567250055613132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480672997544761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156393598755522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577340539993645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446731711112713,0.11636179992700255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272536406391324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750163084081882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136936015042573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919753207191502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711465023315136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688950470914243,0.0,0.1661051632207431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009332890038848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339914423615464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689819621272488,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LysergicFriend,2018/03/10,"Everything is so painful I have been raised by a single psycho mother who is now married out of convenience rather than love, and I live with them and their daughter. I don't love my girlfriend. I have no qualifications, determination, discipline, life. Why do things have to be so hard? I'm sorry for being miserable but I feel that there's nothing I can do to improve my quality of life and it's close to impossible to describe how that feels ",4.368016806722686,6.388795952941178,5.388067226890758,78.06058823529416,71.82352941176471,8.621848739495798,29.789915966386555,9.23628265651192,2.726226890756303,356,15,66,8,7,117,62,85,0.104,0.768,0.129,0.6267,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,1,1,0,12,5,0,1,0,12,17,7,0,1,2,2,3,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,10,2,11,14,1,3,0,1,0,2,8,2,0,0,1,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471059366952399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780443936332009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24629980443880906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884084406742394,0.0,0.0,0.24278451727700145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963034188739307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638204516955681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925645344656881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30778227768707306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266353195185187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480982092373885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fudgiesticks,2018/03/10,"hypersexuality with bpd is it normal with bpd to swing very rapidly from hypersexual to asexual? my bpd diagnosis is very recent and this is my first time being seriously hypersexual since then so I'm wondering. I occasionally have a normal libido but it's mostly one or the other. google isn't being helpful at all. also not really sure what to do about it given that I'm in a monogamous asexual relationship. (it's perfect most of the time just not when I'm like this :/) ",4.081666666666667,6.3952531111111135,7.153055555555554,63.81625000000002,73.44444444444444,9.833333333333336,26.805555555555557,10.125756701596842,3.241888888888889,380,14,65,12,8,140,62,90,0.107,0.838,0.055,-0.4081,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,3,16,13,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,3,3,10,10,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,7,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601369563674052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.689880785113531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530727901519936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238332695332875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920213640028174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577903831788037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237247764513323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696905661999688,0.0,0.18028132343583336,0.19602868055135447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103675436124225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208483469933453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293434688595614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013046020276423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800637230027385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lorreli14,2018/03/10,"Parrots have BPD. I have recently won over my boyfriend's parrot. Through interacting with him and researching information on parrots, I've found many similar traits. Parrots are easily stressed out, dislike change, are highly emotional and highly reactive and they have ""favorite people"". They also become self injurious when stressed out or lonely. They are basically the borderlines of the animal kingdom.",8.630833333333333,12.29460625,7.929375,57.21145833333336,64.625,11.766666666666666,41.91666666666666,11.20814326018867,6.597060416666667,336,20,39,12,6,105,49,64,0.134,0.7170000000000001,0.149,0.2716,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,2,4,0,2,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,7,6,0,8,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,2,27,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741455934291706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24501754478258755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794141900098703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23468946385483344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495530699949616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432487118898856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687965671296398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492259362239125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380389200937455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905158564508115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314394919208625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082602729042773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Nocheesypleasy,2018/03/10,"Having a real problem obsessing over someone For the last two months solid Ive been having an unhealthy obsession with a colleague at work to the point that I can't think about anything else. He is constantly on my mind and I dream about him every night. I keep trying to find reasons to talk to him or be with him. Im going out a lot just because he's there and not leaving any event until he does. I have an SO so I really want to stop having these thoughts. I'm not even sure if i have romantic interest in this person I just like him and I like touching him (like hugging and incedental touches) a lot. But I think we've been touching more than we should and now Im super confused about the nature of the relationship. Ive just heard about this FP thing and I think this might be that. I want to just have a normal friendship with this person because having him in my life, obession or no, good things have started happening for me and the thought of losing him sucks. Im wondering if I should talk to him and be honest about some of my feelings (not the obsession, just that i think i might like him but I want to be friends) and establish some actual boundaries? But I'm scared a talk like this will break the spell and kill the friendship dead Has anyone else been able to pass through obsession into normal friendship?",3.9921590909090914,5.454867231060611,4.486787878787879,86.40518181818184,71.76515151515152,7.4012121212121205,27.215151515151515,7.908726449838941,1.5871915151515141,1055,37,209,14,20,334,134,264,0.138,0.715,0.147,-0.304,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,3,15,22,2,6,16,0,25,2,0,1,1,61,44,20,2,10,15,0,4,5,1,5,1,1,0,2,11,16,0,2,10,1,0,2,5,10,0,1,6,5,31,12,32,29,5,20,0,1,0,1,21,8,1,12,14,150,42,1,0.1073482983514562,0.0,0.10475645401281844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300052400899365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506042617959661,0.10999101749605666,0.08833850287544988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13087705260833074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600537433626525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394121929477617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935145727971605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090253863522279,0.0,0.09044557125524537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427852510196576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098114399914832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829370290173675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100851179563885,0.09003865955168296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492774570899312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478637498401688,0.0,0.0,0.09541609993114486,0.11876498715228236,0.0,0.0,0.0875031907429588,0.0,0.1136663480835284,0.0,0.0,0.07582327779197734,0.2622247810126357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009528722399215,0.0,0.18252736889386284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277591608799484,0.10839117977500863,0.0,0.08568438758162658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073910602967953,0.21035708036515705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746478700720207,0.0,0.0,0.1014788399785364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271782381797903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218586505734608,0.06877006873422012,0.1103719295391403,0.0,0.11525189845029878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747437371186784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095586483479376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598167809182008,0.0,0.0,0.08974798416042756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117450078132008,0.0,0.0,0.2588474878008902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263487890846532,0.27513782019721794,0.0,0.17044511593954273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288244805326913,0.0,0.1048636891715527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995042299858406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641465039032795,0.07815083971192291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Plytie,2018/03/10,"Second therapist who has suggested I might have BPD I had a therapist almost 10 years ago suggest I might have BPD. I checked off each DSM requirement but one. Recently just had my current therapist suggest I might have BPD as well. It's kind of soul crushing, but it makes much more sense than it just all being bipolar. My emotional and social level still feels like I'm in high school, with brief moments of maturity that have come with me aging. I feel so defeated right now. Medication has been proven to not be that effective with BPD as it can be with bipolar. I don't want to constantly be worried about what others are thinking of me, or hell even what I'm thinking of myself. I don't want to be constantly grounding myself with DBT skills. The more I'm interacting with people, even online, the worse I seem to get. I've been trying to be more active in an online game I play, but the drama and differing social levels is stressing me out. I even went to an online therapy chat website, and the guy just told me to quit playing. It's one of the few things that I enjoy in my life, and gets me out of bed... I feel like a lost cause. At my age I shouldn't be letting this high school drama get to me. I shouldn't be getting this worked up over an internet person being mad or not liking me, or worried that they might think poorly of me. I just want my brain to stop...",4.314788329519452,5.234414525362318,5.210045766590387,83.58209382151033,70.41304347826087,8.274294431731503,27.20747520976354,8.532816995589336,1.8075681159420285,1083,35,218,17,19,354,145,276,0.154,0.763,0.083,-0.9681,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,7,12,13,2,1,10,0,31,5,1,3,1,49,53,13,0,5,12,0,3,3,0,6,4,0,1,2,16,14,0,2,8,6,2,3,6,5,1,3,7,3,32,8,35,30,7,30,2,2,0,0,13,15,1,9,15,157,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810645552173877,0.0,0.0882319868746235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438986680734949,0.09836274177803757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051585634344114,0.0,0.07590115626336355,0.0,0.19043671909619256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205885665216566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911475449806427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745925166468141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365705205824185,0.1258952407743218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841406740582847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872452734625401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861914848874737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175565741709944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901010479767563,0.06223649695731949,0.1291420175508697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961852524380628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881580858448857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876412007085104,0.0,0.3738939475023952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477285958617686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941468292684615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061086144913639916,0.07693647640891588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371853853813672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870005090863529,0.0,0.0,0.07524763274845046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783492010832652,0.0,0.08021435249944386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963928851382632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036679296471549,0.07366603377989292,0.10093262361197093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076437530593284,0.30691637114493725,0.058538060248126064,0.16937688472654774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841953135749187,0.0,0.059822634797637525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559131874439193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922376064347952,0.08168121279877158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641469828208572,0.1789651348653594,0.089794211923915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674159066772545 bpd,gypsyt93,2018/03/10,"Trigger:I just got out of pysch ward Hey I’ve been diagnosed with bpd for over about six months. I ended up cutting for the first time in ten years. I was ready to end it there and then. But my sister got me and took me to hospital. They don’t do much there just made me sleep the night and talk to me about my bpd and life which is very hard when you have told so many therapist over and over again. You can feel them judging you each time you tell them something else. Now I’m back home and I feel the hospital didn’t even help. I’m still same mind set and back in a triggering house and over it. Can anyone relate. I’m just really over everything never changing. ",0.6355485611510794,2.916934079136695,1.6355350719424455,98.8099932553957,85.90647482014387,5.4893884892086335,16.601169064748206,6.9077264865688965,-0.29165863309352513,523,11,122,7,16,163,91,139,0.024,0.937,0.039,0.4601,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,3,1,15,1,1,0,4,0,9,3,1,2,1,22,19,12,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,8,3,16,0,18,11,3,27,0,0,0,0,13,9,0,0,16,80,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998084102531262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418926369974825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962025547065228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663919880710147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964606208001145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139563092502418,0.0,0.2786245478650813,0.0,0.0,0.10388857653530352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136213025563704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590611229956067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379081293055825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515983996907544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409009654023725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542818666361232,0.0,0.15777471738150192,0.0,0.0,0.1814915679972736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109859462967403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488316225629984,0.0,0.1594673953410535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881808455041427,0.0,0.12554739546000251,0.0,0.11562626468363806,0.0,0.12131176210460864,0.0,0.0,0.14760603115645454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076401616294063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574036156422176,0.0,0.0,0.12108954394579075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561201528322372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642376218113216,0.13747841265103986,0.0,0.0,0.18262583944608185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343415422223366,0.0,0.0,0.15029735717601442,0.17475500263568594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297807414456454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128961764283773 bpd,throwmeaway22924,2018/03/10,"A really long rant (trigger warning) Over the past few weeks, I’ve been unable to stop ruminating over all the horrible decisions I’ve made in my life. I realize now that my parents never liked me because of my disgusting personality. They weren’t great either, and I know that the things I remember them doing and saying were real, but I can’t shake the things I’ve done. Looking back on my life, I can admit that I was an attention-seeker with very unstable emotions. But an attention-seeker nonetheless. I also exaggerated my mental health problems, though they did feel unbearable to me. I know the reasons why I did these things, but I still can’t forgive myself as these patterns continued manifesting themselves into my adult-life. I cut off contact from my dad without saying goodbye, and deleted an email he sent to me without even reading it. I cut my mom out of my life because I was tired of the tumultuous relationship we had — that was always my fault one way or another. I wish I could talk about this more, but I have such a fear of not being taken seriously or understood that I’d just prefer keeping it inside. I’ve met some people working in the mental health field, and some other people as well, who unabashedly told me that my issues with my family were no one’s fault but my own, and the shame I felt from those interactions caused so much pain and shame within me that I’ve decided to hide from therapists altogether. After my mother in law told me that my family is in ruins because of me, I did reach out to my mom and dad to try to open contact with them through Facebook, but I then permanently deleted my Facebook account because I was so afraid of what they’d say. So, I truly am a complete piece of shit. Lately I’ve been feeling like I deserve to kill myself, and like if I would finally just get the courage to do it, everyone would be so much happier. I’ve been nothing but a negative force in this world, and I feel like I will never get better so I should just exterminate myself like the bug that I am. I try my best to keep my pain inside, but at school I seem like a mish-mash of personalities: loud, anxious, unstable, and painfully socially awkward (I always end up speaking louder than I intend to, garnering attention from people in the moment, then going home and literally crying about how ashamed I am of how I acted, this isn’t new behaviour). It’s really impeded my ability to focus on anything at all, I can’t study and, while I haven’t gotten my marks back for them yet, I believe I failed three tests. I wish I could do something to make my heart feel even a little lighter, light enough so that I could feel like I deserve to keep living. But I look back at how I’ve behaved in the past, and I know I don’t deserve that luxury. Blah. I know I’m wallowing here, I just needed to talk about this somewhere. I’m trying really hard not to SH, it’s so tough not having that as something to fall back on. I’m sending hugs to everyone reading this who thinks they’re a terrible person. Please hang in there. We can hang in there together. You aren’t alone. Edits: spelling mistakes, and I added some words. ",6.439383116883117,6.323860925324677,7.173350649350648,74.98074025974027,65.55844155844156,10.286753246753248,33.022077922077926,9.957137785484203,3.1595381818181814,2494,95,467,50,35,830,292,616,0.184,0.7040000000000001,0.112,-0.9934,3,1,2,0,0,1,69.0,2,1,6,4,33,38,5,7,22,0,43,12,2,9,4,100,79,44,1,13,22,6,7,8,0,4,9,5,1,3,32,23,0,4,22,2,1,8,17,24,1,3,24,15,88,14,69,45,14,59,0,2,2,1,40,26,1,7,31,336,120,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021770355517612,0.0,0.05421759009050421,0.11282580622059825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109152959024767,0.0,0.07659181199283302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557915182735266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852819288372,0.0,0.16531476614399893,0.0,0.0,0.07638450081509382,0.07114923289483993,0.059961328189017685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696466488784931,0.0,0.0,0.07108432832204058,0.0,0.0,0.16239222277869536,0.0,0.07447230681333522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938032221360753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626299726992447,0.06004841050613877,0.07005288126583291,0.0,0.0895591424157088,0.0,0.0,0.12956672297321511,0.0,0.0,0.12782678951269555,0.07629097136710736,0.1714021194900725,0.1453035189173994,0.06509617663998818,0.07426878409635253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084273070193238,0.0,0.038530848835938165,0.0,0.0,0.07474691945105202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060733191501058575,0.0,0.0,0.1441310215679517,0.0,0.08034029552446563,0.0,0.0,0.06800636246453144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076291540364267,0.0,0.18078444538739866,0.07500782484738219,0.0,0.14903880486594948,0.0,0.07647846793172107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366201545618767,0.23185683999162826,0.0679508481838598,0.059866383633038874,0.059998602949771676,0.11386555257290674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415157915149139,0.045255319172433146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664775136346552,0.0,0.0,0.15880708997311174,0.0,0.0,0.0996778418874514,0.05027094438653407,0.1045791341200562,0.06547919221905428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505347436726606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188260299042382,0.0,0.2164237759580164,0.0,0.07528103635687472,0.0,0.1294406601785448,0.1410066299322806,0.17759433456838206,0.0,0.07442123242502062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487299600987807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13563157844578358,0.07716833205476556,0.1302983327168159,0.06970706230384455,0.0,0.07278908051582406,0.07680128577284849,0.0,0.0,0.16174574185469862,0.0,0.06861463111212117,0.0,0.06172024515071891,0.0,0.0,0.06959310021694651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691109544632362,0.0,0.104387566688904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054143124976072494,0.056681697508032064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089860319537839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871805596538306,0.13512482429576214,0.04344186346726443,0.06661064280598003,0.0,0.0,0.07792318648518992,0.0,0.12956672297321511,0.0,0.13809003888541202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055939990197079466,0.0,0.05381445396445926,0.05438301871204969,0.0,0.06095804274816447,0.0,0.061176646433056626,0.0,0.15592742541435956,0.13070862998598348,0.0,0.049357345437772,0.0,0.0,0.0963227155729884,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,regularweb,2018/03/10,"Last relationship worries in new relationship I'm not sure if this is quite the sub for this but I have bpd so w/e. My new relationship has been going for 9 months and it's mostly great. But then I get tripped up on things my ex has said about me, primarily blaming me for the bad relationship, saying I'm abusive, and blaming me for a dead bedroom. I keep thinking I'm going to repeat these things in my new relationship and constantly think that I'll never change. Anyone know how to cope with these feelings that some old asshole has brought on? Disclaimer: I know there's truth to what he said, but I also know he's incredibly two faced and that I shouldn't think these things about myself, but can't help it and it's interfering with my current relationship.",5.2868,6.21650274666667,5.836000000000002,79.93800000000002,68.2,8.666666666666668,29.666666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.1874666666666664,612,22,121,10,10,198,88,150,0.195,0.752,0.053,-0.9743,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,3,0,8,1,1,1,3,28,25,14,1,2,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,15,7,0,1,7,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,4,4,14,3,16,20,2,20,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,3,11,76,29,0,0.0,0.1301237566606346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782639887604572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767916567508811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169864659269082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383197759773587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617947557888975,0.0,0.0,0.11868097932155687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055530431689811616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057378628538359865,0.0,0.12483128421048773,0.0,0.0,0.12108160380248105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361286790193396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761682376927347,0.0,0.0,0.18106957772813131,0.0895214073533559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766065442173443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470321838362367,0.3182067836828737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152420573536616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681158956191565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7074607493839553,0.0,0.0,0.20893598878914493,0.08733663753110188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350803920765367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888701981856812,0.21111280061097248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728231685263044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153183887560478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Notatotalnightmare,2018/03/10,"Crazy Ex-Girlfriend? So, there’s a series called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on Netflix. For those who haven’t seen it [here is a link to the extended trailer](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UK1Tj07c_co#) so you can get the gist. Now, **spoiler** she gets diagnosed with BPD in the most recent series, and I was just interested in seeing what any of you guys thought about it. Have you seen it? What did you think? ",3.3366514459665173,6.406684369863014,2.6062100456621025,90.8241400304414,82.01369863013699,5.4362252663622534,23.179604261796044,6.937597516519254,0.8081640791476405,321,11,60,4,9,93,56,73,0.084,0.8759999999999999,0.039,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,4,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,13,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,6,1,8,8,1,5,0,0,3,0,8,3,0,1,2,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286612340435639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42349455494825805,0.0,0.3433483998511349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412862295140741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35135303805540674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329399334916692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320058790507271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679473681708535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154551434815768,0.0,0.26694459441573704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,krazy_chick195,2018/03/10,"All I want to do is SH The past 2 days have been awful. I feel totally worthless and like nobody cares. All I want to do is SH. I’ve also split on my FP because I got tired of always being the first to text and they went 4 days without texting me and then when they finally did, they barely responded to me and blew me off when I tried to make plans with them after I told them I was in a rough spot and needed to get out of my house. I just feel so low right now. I’m not suicidal, but I’m seriously resisting the urge to SH and I don’t know how long I can fight it. I don’t know why I’m posting this. I guess there’s just nobody I can talk to. I have no friends and no life. ",0.04212885154061752,1.4756705098039231,2.5544957983193264,96.21308823529414,82.46405228758171,5.940056022408964,18.771708683473392,6.868970318607317,-0.1142134453781516,520,12,133,6,14,180,94,153,0.129,0.784,0.086,-0.7461,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,5,2,9,7,1,0,4,1,14,2,0,2,3,27,31,14,1,3,5,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,6,3,24,3,17,24,3,19,0,2,0,0,10,6,0,1,12,86,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617068458081051,0.16249415887389948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904494536242127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910778178856575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518875012591253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974856226157106,0.0,0.0,0.21392700848470936,0.0,0.16611074720365915,0.0,0.0,0.1508780017753181,0.0,0.10202922827099686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618859491334472,0.0,0.21513029089515812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253346049017465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464890034920314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793675487112972,0.09540720578951996,0.0,0.0,0.17282256332155135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035537293863955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480259609959856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864232297943456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703065379046066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677375463747246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361192769723145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696403318145188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22445330671828648,0.0,0.18660478814940126,0.0,0.13258683433750645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23037028291590034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810327055381556,0.1762158505728561,0.0,0.0,0.18824938725103949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ebolaaaaaaaa,2018/03/10,Empty Any ideas for how to deal with the cronic boredom and emptiness? I'm just so lost right now. Nothing I normally like even interests me anymore. (first post please be gentle) ,3.1050000000000004,6.092213363636365,3.360833333333337,85.66125000000002,82.03030303030303,5.724242424242425,26.431818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.6571272727272732,143,6,24,2,4,44,32,33,0.3,0.594,0.106,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406224303395354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975951572889532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30936559356874604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819763305976534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25524483376637136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387497317948124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660217229655306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275688397408974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29401116115343984,0.2879314002820269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32939377752332205,0.0,0.0,0.28739024379579864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562636072357488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_aldris,2018/03/10,"I'm abusive without realizing it. I love my boyfriend so much and I just want to stop hurting him. Pretty much all of our fights are caused by me feeling like he is attacking me or is out to get me or hurt me in some way. After the storm I realize that this is not true, that I am the one being an asshole, but in the moment the idea of me being wrong is completely preposterous. I have a hard time apologizing because I am completely convinced I am the victim. I can't stop. I just want to stop hurting him. ",2.940785714285713,4.176363685714286,4.812559523809528,83.93598214285716,74.04761904761905,7.916666666666668,28.36309523809524,8.472884824447931,1.969880952380952,397,16,84,7,8,136,68,105,0.297,0.605,0.098,-0.9668,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,3,11,3,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,2,22,18,5,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,2,18,4,11,16,4,10,0,3,0,1,7,3,0,3,7,65,22,0,0.0,0.19364260400855166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592980648156204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962786949174904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678917717237702,0.0,0.0,0.3427149479827145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263715765737004,0.11675730573101467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538753667852497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640479172717902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248785371998426,0.184497129840352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984561308363823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475055955470251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402856382262184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074713037210968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627116701426906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099145086881407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529969886247903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927952540214918,0.12972632805640053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575445755202019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868945862836474,0.0,0.0 bpd,ihtdvk,2018/03/11,"DAE hate when people care I didn't know what title to put, but I'm struggling with something that I only just realized I've been doing my whole life. As soon as a guy admits he has feelings for me or he cares I just cut them out. Like, it intensely freaks me out. Whereas I've seen a lot of people with BPD say the opposite, that they really cling to someone. And I'm wondering if anyone else does this? I'm doing DBT right now, which is how I realized I do this. Someone has admitted feelings for me so while I'm definitely not going to lead them on, I need to make a really strong effort not to cut them out. Which is going ok as I'm trying to use my interpersonal skills practice. Sorry for rambling, I'm just so confused! ",3.2861818181818165,4.372895933333337,5.146848484848487,82.45009090909092,73.0,8.121212121212123,25.63636363636364,8.575989854853784,1.7008,570,18,117,10,11,196,94,150,0.117,0.7240000000000001,0.159,0.8339,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,4,4,9,11,3,2,4,1,9,1,0,4,0,29,30,12,0,2,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,8,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,3,4,15,5,19,27,2,13,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,5,5,73,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413341767304605,0.18190092449585255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235933856661144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620082489152191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553580922060298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830390986258665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795294583336841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017892906234947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578305572771447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527456406563388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756609190381574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125395006270953,0.08673240993271293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093003912241973,0.0,0.0,0.11850295320028828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163657839365206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350199062316853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461545202252376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846713540310186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274611030095516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161003336735204,0.0,0.14117933853124362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008419465228049,0.13667161293121952,0.0,0.19873080293344114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855933712036441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053152141160893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332930763619382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820640624077815,0.0,0.0,0.1925241989112548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yzerdad,2018/03/11,"What is the next place to go? (UK NHS) I'm a 20 year old uni student and was diagnosed with BPD earlier this year, but I have known I have it for much longer due to research etc. I've been on antidepressants and antipsychotics for almost a year and my GP seems quite supportive, but I only see him very rarely when appointments are necessary. One and a half years ago, before I was diagnosed, I was in contact with my uni's wellbeing service who offered to refer me to councelling, however I never actually got to that point due to impulsiveness on my side. Middle of last year I got in contact with my local steps to wellbeing centre who referred me as they only deal with basic depression, anxiety etc. and not disorders like BPD. That's how I ended up with my local CMHS, where I also was diagnosed. There, I had two sessions with a very nice guy who I felt truly cared about my treatment. However, he made me see a psychiatrist who was very ignorant, did not listen to me, did not explain anything, and did not ask me any questions, essentially released me from treatment without ANYTHING. So here I am, all I have is my meds. I know I need someone to talk to, some form of therapy. DBT is hard to get into in my area and afaik it's only available in group sessions. The psychiatrist told me I would have to self-refer in a year (!) if I wanted to get into treatment and gave me a list of books and websites and also some really shit advice (aka ""smelling garlic helps with dissociation"" thanks mate but I haven't been in my body for 2 years any real way to change that other than opening my fridge?) Now I don't know what the next step is supposed to be. Should I contact my uni's wellbeing team and ask for councelling again? I have a feeling that, since I'm officially diagnosed, they will not want to take responsibility for me and that they believe I need more specific treatment. Should I see my GP again? What can he actually do? Afaik I've been through all the NHS services in my area (Steps to wellbeing and the CMHS) and there is nowhere else he could refer me to unless he referred me to one of them again? Any ideas? Thanks! Tldr; I've been through all the NHS mental health services in my area and have been released from the CMHS although I believe I definitely need treament. Who should I talk to?",4.929731182795699,6.007023544444448,5.673512544802867,80.24112903225809,69.1111111111111,8.73978494623656,30.51612903225807,9.023248300946321,2.4884301075268813,1825,72,352,33,31,595,207,450,0.048,0.878,0.07400000000000001,0.9293,2,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,0,0,4,2,14,9,1,0,15,0,38,7,2,2,4,70,70,27,0,11,11,0,3,1,1,5,5,1,0,1,17,25,0,1,13,2,0,4,9,3,0,4,20,8,56,6,58,43,10,50,0,1,3,0,33,24,1,6,22,237,73,9,0.0,0.0,0.15770242661566125,0.0,0.0,0.07895889652922168,0.07162620408973297,0.0,0.08091165137260008,0.0,0.0,0.12923485239734314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484463733887605,0.0,0.06181340066134443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298652000332442,0.0,0.151078149495862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875665279209861,0.18207263863637327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975293982440591,0.2035348831425565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823831465542845,0.0,0.08547792901784154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451391791928435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330343774649307,0.0695947475852988,0.3280498038554369,0.0,0.0,0.0926062299270404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749980298733038,0.0,0.07156669501080495,0.0,0.18023144582879724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408559797215533,0.0,0.07758270669774442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443154546712736,0.0,0.045921706901252836,0.0,0.12924967361162965,0.0,0.0,0.08000680252547386,0.0,0.0,0.07238282839717679,0.0,0.0,0.08588887511930768,0.0,0.0,0.05415995782360535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121575825121504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881346402604504,0.06586451234350252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03947583437617394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645691969027135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975293982440591,0.0,0.081429532133425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059398855436524865,0.1797412444971424,0.062319576263380014,0.0,0.17186794267373573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847882325967067,0.0,0.10950721542150224,0.1843609601078852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442101758157851,0.0,0.07638412098599344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051686687265163,0.08594300078635356,0.0,0.09197050243472048,0.05176390715070053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19316648454549828,0.0735592153641111,0.08429423348367056,0.0,0.08294221505785622,0.06684034867869415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846337409253027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169328826682573,0.0,0.0,0.06075313831810996,0.12989136670781526,0.0,0.14878347204133222,0.0924042662341583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720988839184673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893193026656252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000106339333927,0.09531836781430354,0.06413696185436478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789036028298145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739950774650271,0.0,0.0,0.3642374127050236 bpd,IEJTCC13,2018/03/11,"Another smashed Xbox controller I have been making progress lately but the past few days have been a shit show. I'm just angry at everything. I tried playing Xbox, and even though I thought I was in control of my emotions, the second I died I instantly got struck with anger and ripped my Xbox controller open. Another £60 down the drain and now I can't play Xbox, yay me. ",4.968082191780823,6.014257589041103,4.6519452054794534,87.71463013698633,69.0,8.031780821917808,31.03835616438357,8.238735603445708,2.070777534246575,296,12,60,4,5,90,54,73,0.329,0.623,0.048,-0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,4,4,5,2,0,4,1,6,1,1,4,0,12,10,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,1,7,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,10,3,5,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,4,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104914091851321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6586019129542551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623318401014555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031425130446744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017605612404514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928143052881866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591441746089906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654753446221706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079813343838012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065494474016345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868516520491128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20091964501446988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230910341747054,0.15539209765592046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289153429674427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lisabetharie,2018/03/11,"How do you soothe your need for validation? I'm currently in a position with my partner where I am absolutely desperate for validation, but am too scared of asking for it in case it pushes him away and makes him feel less attracted to me - how absolutely pathetic that sounds, but it's a genuine fear. I feel he's possibly losing patience with me over my need, and I cannot face the idea of him rejecting my need for it or, worse, walking away from me completely. And when I say 'validation' I mean for quite a lot of things. I need the things I express to be validated, I need him to validate my place in his life, I need to be validated in the sense of knowing he still finds me attractive and worth being with. I'm 29 years old, for fuck's sake, I shouldn't need this sort of shit anymore. I hate myself for it. I truly do. He has reassured me so many times before, and it sickens me that it doesn't stick, it sickens me that my BPD makes it impossible to have those reassurances sink in and last for longer than a fucking day. It's not fair on him. Don't get me wrong, perhaps it's not fair in its own way that I feel these things at all because of some ridiculous miswiring in my brain, but it's still not fair on him. ",7.982356363636362,5.428944712000001,8.377636363636363,75.4788181818182,63.88,12.290909090909093,36.32727272727273,10.832165505486646,3.5032,958,34,209,20,11,320,130,250,0.197,0.687,0.116,-0.9798,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,2,9,16,5,4,7,0,13,6,3,4,1,39,34,14,0,8,7,0,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,23,9,0,0,7,0,1,2,7,12,0,0,0,5,37,4,37,30,5,27,0,2,0,2,18,15,3,4,9,143,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609144569858905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943471423374572,0.0,0.2199622732732373,0.0,0.0,0.07135830879594969,0.0,0.09960890671590174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474321855783293,0.13067697691232444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273452805875633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549361311380272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172434187554574,0.17756621247298335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699014849309384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643901275108068,0.061158692248621076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557189842401284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321457864177713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433277140494432,0.0954190147352002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268249876917827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095949855035793,0.0,0.0995196949630222,0.0,0.0,0.1562760842478063,0.1186798335564995,0.0,0.1275119770459732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6075863057294044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283412307560873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230213257430865,0.0,0.0,0.13196685737631778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450705496234307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309031381297478,0.11719685604372472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015976675725686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696753696423646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23330714280408435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825826321773337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291628360255108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192935042917011,0.0,0.12798605081522835,0.0,0.07538239987643884 bpd,Affectionate_Potato,2018/03/11,"The hardest question I've ever been asked... ""So, tell me about yourself."" I'm sorry, I don't know WHO that is? *shudders* I dread this question more than death. Like, dude, you could probably tell me more about myself than I could even if you just met me. Where do I even BEGIN to tell you about myself? Agree? Disagree? Other hard questions you've experienced?",1.0550267379679141,3.6241695294117657,1.7444385026737983,93.5663368983957,96.35294117647058,3.649197860962567,19.417112299465238,5.565023196281405,-0.10434117647058773,280,9,53,2,11,86,46,68,0.187,0.7390000000000001,0.073,-0.8006,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,0,9,2,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,9,11,2,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,12,1,6,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,4,3,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693978608389804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022297764213742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500191122977294,0.17120350511357502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954671758267406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401659921422857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924666566715516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040626336144227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6360695487021572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186973749679472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962850368745811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sosayweallmethinks,2018/03/11,"What are some daily tasks I can do? I just started DBT, 3 weeks ago, and started individual therapy this week. I'm trying desperately to save my relationship and just feel healthier overall. I'm pretty impatient with the DBT and feel like it is going by so slowly without giving me anything to do. What are some day tasks that I can give myself to check in with myself, have some distress tolerance be worked into my daily routine, and avoid fighting with my bf? 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Literal one sentence of, ""You should go outside and change your thoughts to positive ones."" Literally nice, constructive shit. But the way he brought it up was he was checking stuff off his list, he had been on his bike a bunch, etc... I feel stupid for feeling like this, but I told him: ""Yes, it feels weird when you tell me, ""I SHOULD"" do anything, also when I leave the apartment I feel out of control... like I see peoples' faces and they all have emotions I can't influence, also I can't just get out of the situation. I don't think my bf understands, and even if I try to tell him about it, he's going to shut it down because the only time I can bring it up is when I'm drunk or on the edge of suicide. I don't know. I'm ranting. Sorry. Probs gonna delete this in a few hours. ugh",3.6461174242424232,4.331547437499999,4.410681818181818,89.5631060606061,71.7840909090909,7.684848484848485,28.303030303030305,7.793537801064563,1.4570962121212123,663,24,149,8,12,213,114,176,0.151,0.764,0.085,-0.9294,0,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,3,1,1,8,11,4,0,7,1,15,5,3,2,2,27,35,12,1,3,5,0,6,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,1,11,3,1,4,5,6,0,2,9,7,22,5,18,23,5,22,0,0,1,0,16,11,2,2,10,91,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23150522508853386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191128928303839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823527586420636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312113435573474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234394931358365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334862178600484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179510321708372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281876711440454,0.0,0.0,0.16142905981097944,0.09560278033879274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659373847764467,0.20681187167594225,0.138978005111323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562334608408597,0.0,0.16452396385981055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425447771263258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954812730015799,0.0,0.0,0.1532641724388685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828605984619583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961660657686071,0.1100851789734692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034803448769024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534311282835168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971575516993485,0.0,0.16269956874557953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203030070935662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569852151868913,0.15832765776714675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530272128916289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274682223487296,0.0,0.11491144952384795,0.08440203792175871,0.0,0.0,0.13831015596519167,0.0,0.09827242868746497,0.0,0.0,0.1506847647050428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148919313571691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imposter777,2018/03/11,Everything is chaos Life seems like a bunch of meaningless noise lately. Maybe that’s because it is. It seems like I’m never going to have a good relationship with anyone and I can’t do normal stuff because I over-analyze and end up thinking “what’s the point” but it seems like there’s never gonna be a point and I don’t know where to go from here,2.6545662100456617,4.239672013698629,3.8645890410958894,89.02555936073061,75.43835616438356,7.0584474885844735,21.755707762557076,7.793537801064563,0.7755680365296801,279,7,60,4,6,91,51,73,0.065,0.8029999999999999,0.132,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,0,2,13,16,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,14,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,7,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204583016357085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302380887057367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672619039089116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972301420208535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21465158132259435,0.15839544421010635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378507127861036,0.0,0.2130270234711472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338783392741052,0.2767825123888217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972164376036202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913000516521215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850294270987806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570418754868309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027504156768838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157561520755979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618400646552172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100518118032147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bundlemeup,2018/03/11,"I feel like I’m floating in an abyss, an empty void and I’m terrified of never feeling fulfilled with anything I do Please tell me I’m not the only one.",1.34,3.0688969393939445,3.718181818181818,87.99727272727274,79.60606060606061,5.612121212121212,26.15151515151515,6.42735559955562,1.0384424242424246,121,5,25,1,3,42,26,33,0.262,0.606,0.132,-0.5722,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345560301851937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41112781610129984,0.2904394190207409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861980653092973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135564422165291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27548881846924617,0.3091996137818233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462698426584815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553426411798717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EmillyDickinson,2018/03/11,What are the results of your exams? Magnetic resonance imaging / tomography / electroencephalogram. Is there any change because of the disorder?,9.69233333333333,14.452224900000001,8.250000000000004,47.78833333333333,75.0,12.666666666666668,46.66666666666666,10.504223727775694,8.466666666666667,118,8,11,5,3,36,18,20,0.139,0.861,0.0,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762528595359212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33727747820995724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5853023017192193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6341126902890039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kiyone11,2018/03/11,"I have this moments of panic when I'm with the guy I'm seeing, where I think about how this just has to end bad and it's hard to not start crying. And I don't know how to act or what to say. I didn't really know where to post this but I guess you guys understand this best... I've seeing a guy since nearly two months, although I've known him already some time and we were kinda friends before. And he's just great: I don't know anyone that's this caring, affectionate and considerate. I just have nothing to complain about. I'm not totally sure what we're having but it doesn't feel like friends with benefits at all and it seems like everyone around us just already assumes we're together, although we haven't spoken about it at all until now. However, that's not the problem. The last times, when it were just us two, I nearly started crying (or I cried a bit but I'm not sure that he noticed that and hope he hasn't). Everything is just fine, and I'm actually feeling kinda happy but then, from one moment to another, one bad thought hits me and from this point on I can't stop following this. I think about how lucky I am and in this moment there appears a voice in my head telling me things like ""you're now - but you know he's not gonna be here long. He'll leave, just like everyone else."" I think about the guy I've seen before and my last relationship and how this just didn't end well for anyone and in the end I just felt lonelier than before and just hurt. I started trusting someone and got things promised and it the end I got less than before. I think that he'll sure soon get tired of me or that this thing is just selfish because he's a good guy and just deserves better than me and this won't end well anyways, so why even drag him into all my personal drama? It's just selfish. Or that I could just end it now before he will because he will anyways. (And, yes, how stupid these thoughts are because they as well might just be the reason that he will get tired of me. And I feel bad for ruining the good time we have. I don't want to think that he's also like this - but I wouldn't have thought that about my ex, too.) And this thoughts make me panicking, it gets hard to breathe and it's hard not to just start crying and I get the urge to self harm, so that I don't need to cry and don't need to focus on these thoughts. Sometimes I want to storm out of the room to sort this out by myself in a quiet corner but it would be too obvious, so I stay where I am and try to contain myself - which works worse every time. So of course he notices that something is up. He hugs and strokes me patiently and eventually asks what's wrong - and I just don't know what to answer. There are so many thoughts in my head, it's so complicated to explain - and too much information and scaring everyone off. I guess it would also take time to explain him some things before - and I don't know if it's good to tell him these things. (And I think: What for, if he won't stay long anyways...) Everyone around me has seen my self harm scars since I'm wearing short sleeves again, so he must've known before that I have my problems and could just have stayed away from me, and now has also seen the rest of them. But very few people ever asked about it and we didn't talk about it until now. I thought there was no ""urgent need"" to tell him beforehand of my problems and ""warn"" him, since everyone should be able to combine these things. But still, people around me kinda seem to have the impression of me that I'm insensitive, unempathetic and don't have any feelings. Therefore, I have no idea what picture of me it is that he has in mind. My former therapists didn't care to officially diagnose me with BPD but, nevertheless, I'm pretty sure I have it. And the majority of people out there, unfortunately, doesn't associate this with anything good. On the one side, there is all this, and on the other side, he deserves an answer and to know what's going on and why he's actually comforting me and why my mood changes so quickly. So, my question is: How can I explain it to him? Which parts do I actually tell? What would you do? And how can I deal with this moments of panic? I'm grateful for any thoughts on this.",3.4589844584392138,4.567118520881671,4.256631311457299,88.91473962361435,72.60788863109049,7.375568077192208,25.51548631827054,7.737674255305718,1.128903929584208,3303,102,722,41,63,1060,292,862,0.151,0.727,0.122,-0.9657,1,0,1,0,0,0,99.0,6,3,2,3,79,53,1,3,21,1,66,9,4,10,11,191,143,86,0,18,40,1,9,5,2,14,4,3,1,8,73,59,0,2,42,1,0,4,28,18,3,5,21,17,82,34,90,101,15,84,0,2,5,1,63,35,0,22,46,488,155,1,0.04394521884181945,0.0,0.1286525832467615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698928351807856,0.10542892689249826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976851151640456,0.04608039360986406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061455037582863775,0.0,0.03616317073150588,0.11736168508996553,0.08216569489723093,0.0,0.04128797969003372,0.0,0.1100772664197058,0.08036579256359576,0.0,0.2617590116125699,0.0,0.046117795969941665,0.03886597489525962,0.04797679726337418,0.0,0.055347464755957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961015880908188,0.0,0.04648821460657023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701733627803815,0.0,0.24135879694617024,0.0,0.045305590997831865,0.0,0.04460347208485725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036710591415021886,0.0,0.23353452157111734,0.0,0.0,0.029025402587792,0.03975096635368504,0.03702574221598005,0.20995769917169568,0.03949512909095871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888009221003992,0.031394473121265726,0.04219430161873159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790393413272218,0.0,0.091838252291324,0.0,0.024975080585771612,0.14743665839092868,0.07029401195988781,0.048449758913356934,0.09682122596408824,0.2175633785543272,0.0,0.04678050261514075,0.11809885308485228,0.0,0.09020094545529912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364751795050813,0.0,0.0,0.04704426566680228,0.049608803041992465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905800106093635,0.07164243729261931,0.0,0.04653164156479917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734707083684424,0.0,0.0,0.07778027159923984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02933377481713123,0.0445535544307681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04661893258582205,0.04437214365653831,0.0,0.03507665441769695,0.0,0.03230479225042339,0.09775446883008916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216662268783207,0.10006384583672158,0.0,0.0,0.08933525279525888,0.0,0.0,0.103120491569059,0.0,0.04758838957537656,0.0,0.09139824457752664,0.03837127004656806,0.0,0.0,0.04154243615553562,0.0,0.04208737206998522,0.044708086153484684,0.0,0.1261489185005412,0.0,0.0,0.049228702438636064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028152432471709263,0.045183004035253084,0.0,0.04718071899706855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03494700185494588,0.04399683036607214,0.0,0.07003729962053319,0.08001215353319907,0.09168889469625027,0.0,0.0,0.10905581742994293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03723464131704833,0.03383117643357399,0.04346294511089563,0.0,0.12441860832415952,0.14051926856387764,0.035094708533430365,0.036740170688403226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567139475244905,0.0,0.033041335519083906,0.0353215022897504,0.15364023292670748,0.0,0.0,0.05102378615279871,0.1751715042818999,0.1689499308220366,0.0,0.2791007602546086,0.1281240525237673,0.10101712891165494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02983591895367015,0.0,0.08585618663683092,0.04574852262571559,0.10572137486925302,0.0,0.0,0.03625940786013095,0.05184005730852969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185360880422387,0.0,0.118961174289607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03199264270187492,0.0,0.04478393234489248,0.09365226784591167,0.048047198167502365,0.0,0.0 bpd,LindsayEm,2018/03/11,"DAE constantly wonder if you should break up with your SO? I love my boyfriend, but every time something goes wrong I find myself wondering if I should just break up with him. I can't figure out if it's a legitimate concern or if I'm just afraid of being hurt again or if I'm splitting or something similar. Anyone else have similar feelings?",4.6020895522388034,6.1249068208955215,5.310626865671644,80.85489552238808,70.34328358208955,8.345074626865673,29.817910447761196,8.841846274778883,2.449808358208955,275,11,51,5,5,89,48,67,0.136,0.818,0.046,-0.7904,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,21,11,10,0,7,11,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,9,1,6,8,0,8,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,10,3,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604154304938974,0.2579653410873066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27207099852211314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103192647223496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212480045956614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273011065848766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23011074191138786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26952209112043884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272298088766954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876455201585109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680753145818184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5460617726638843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27526800852418504,0.0,0.0 bpd,theuniverseschild,2018/03/12,"*TW* I don't know what to do Sorry if this upsets anyone, that's not my intention I swear. A few months ago I found out my favourite teacher at school (I finished up education in 2010) is at court currently for being a peadophile. This was destructive enough to me but today I found out that he was taking pictures of students getting changed. I'm freaking out because I remember we would get changed in the drama studios for rehearsals, a place we used to book out and would generally be unsupervised so we can get our exam material together. Now I'm not so sure if we were alone and I can't help but wonder if my group including myself are amongst the victims. I have a terrible past of abuse at the hands of men and this is just pushing me over the edge. I have no clue as to how I go about finding out if I'm involved or not as I've not lived in that county for years, hell I even lived abroad for some time, so I wonder if officials could even find me if they wanted to. It just takes me back to all those horrible memories whilst destroying the good times I had in my school years. I feel lost and trapped and I just want to self destruct and lash out even though I know it won't do me any good.",3.175269576379975,4.549035743902444,4.185489944373131,88.1153722721438,73.67479674796748,7.6179717586649565,27.1750106974754,8.20500826718156,1.6032959349593503,947,35,204,15,19,307,144,246,0.228,0.7340000000000001,0.038,-0.9949,1,2,0,0,1,0,17.0,5,0,1,1,15,12,5,1,9,0,20,1,1,3,2,54,40,22,0,11,16,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,10,16,0,0,10,2,0,2,8,9,0,0,7,2,32,3,32,27,4,31,1,1,0,0,12,16,1,10,13,140,42,5,0.0,0.14986442969165875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121216108699411,0.0,0.0,0.13100065299464045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860143598589098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844148170470044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725940913922823,0.0,0.07710428146337367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26760940963170915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098824156002102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306931546510772,0.0,0.2506270971012054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395478188836241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312105951616357,0.0,0.0,0.27736926538291784,0.0,0.0,0.19825008890921986,0.0,0.07188452630011423,0.21217978279000269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478044862217045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390260558979855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337772246263196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807367615453986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095938142619823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074455692019527,0.0,0.0,0.13215024588861315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432832188703712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560198077002378,0.0,0.0,0.13195178168866306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415899682879252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921092398840692,0.0,0.1902024495140666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242711917674626,0.0,0.1475092229102798,0.0,0.11989330063922167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924271167509587,0.0,0.0,0.14920864620222404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743358836791145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970309479522048,0.0,0.0,0.1629048074577528 bpd,Phonevhome,2018/03/12,Do you ever feel peace? Are you ever able to feel peace? Do you ever have little moments of peace? What do they feel like and when are you most likely to experience them?,1.2444117647058803,3.7189331470588263,2.6485294117647062,91.21338235294121,85.17647058823529,4.576470588235295,14.382352941176471,5.985473137389443,-0.7185058823529409,133,2,27,1,4,43,21,34,0.0,0.682,0.318,0.932,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,8,9,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,3,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,7,22,7,0,0.26639260050378755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7229020752596365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26058308002504105,0.0,0.0,0.4040883090503118,0.19031092702766425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26029193719229426,0.26699536955201525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Hawthorne_,2018/03/12,"Does anyone know what ""Atypical Borderline Personality Disorder"" is? My psychiatrist has officially told me that my BPD is actually Atypical BPD. At first I thought nothing of It, until she mentioned that I also have a Cluster A personality disorder. Unfortunately we aren't sure which one it is, but she is 100% certain that my mental illnesses are far more complex than we realized. I suffer from paranoia, hallucinations and mild delusions, one of which is that I'm going to die at the age of 26. People tell me it's ridiculous, but I just KNOW it is going to happen despite there being anything seriously wrong with me. I know that none of the Cluster A PD's have delusions as a symptom, So I'm not sure if she also has another diagnosis in mind... but my question is... what is Atypical BPD? Another quick question I have, is: ""is BPD also classified as a mood disorder as well as a personality disorder?"" My Mental Health hospital has classified it as a mood disorder as well as a personality disorder, so I'm just curious as to if they are right.",7.544652133580705,7.588050617346938,9.360111317254177,59.69138218923933,63.234693877551024,13.045640074211507,40.7773654916512,12.40481918309499,5.625985714285715,835,45,139,29,11,299,97,196,0.218,0.73,0.052000000000000005,-0.9878,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,1,1,11,11,1,0,10,0,20,3,0,0,3,24,31,20,1,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,14,4,0,0,8,0,0,2,3,4,2,3,2,0,20,5,22,28,2,11,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,4,4,109,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.08523991367355391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955862059392105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318584862680887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107637288931216,0.0,0.07188069155369597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400514625158078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065435429731064,0.0,0.6006563536668083,0.0,0.07643959981783346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429891882560058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928477109727124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724233247213125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284778246984034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401399209435278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605426722943585,0.0,0.08819747569792542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381361307581678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837973314017647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055672013021045,0.3050787163790358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957014887799872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459547239805106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465058489874718,0.0907889390868446,0.0,0.0,0.07634677746620525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693452594672005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834656049688478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707427953531675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955022958893552,0.0,0.0 bpd,jeckley,2018/03/12,Does anyone have a PDF of Marsha Linehan’s CBT for Borderline? Basically what is now DBT. Does anyone have this on a PDF?,1.41,4.02019,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,86.5,6.533333333333335,20.5,7.793537801064563,1.2438499999999997,96,3,18,2,3,33,19,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6242256248996201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7812441162777988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spinning_incircles,2018/03/12,"Any high functioning male BPDers want to be friends Im 30/F looking for someone from 21 to 36 to be friends with",2.2324999999999977,3.783030583333337,2.8566666666666656,95.955,76.5,6.466666666666668,32.83333333333333,7.1686216300943375,1.7784833333333332,90,5,21,1,2,28,20,24,0.0,0.7170000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588070629228393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5880694468682647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021030628973263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110910919962153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195908696954249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224637158851026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244756081986385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Secretsthegod,2018/03/12,"anger i hate not being in control. that's why i hate being angry. i'm no-one to get angry over little shit, but as soon as i'm in rage, i turn into the person i hate most. IT KINDA FEELS GOOD THO, but i rather hurt myself physically, than hurting anyone mentally. fuck me i relapsed and cut myself for the first time in nearly a year. why are sadness and anger the only emotions i'm able to really feel.. sorry for the rant",1.6789772727272734,3.492068034090913,3.986363636363638,86.07454545454546,78.88636363636364,5.763636363636365,18.954545454545453,6.6274283507984215,0.20306363636363625,329,7,66,3,8,114,61,88,0.45,0.502,0.047,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,3,12.0,0,0,0,2,3,13,9,0,5,0,3,2,1,1,0,12,14,7,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,12,0,1,0,2,9,1,13,12,1,11,0,3,0,1,1,7,2,2,4,42,11,0,0.17617449193062298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318530101885945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975946731213052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817259098360973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815823314264334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985393283740697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287047895191858,0.09204390069974733,0.0,0.0,0.14776680528925126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5218075117913086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771968746784831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176573123614169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754245118334352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339886398398894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382877098688666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286189073644408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808405842713079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972129200982376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272876300248096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191627257441642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179401535561768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345059669571368 bpd,KevinTheKoop,2018/03/12,"Breakups are hard for someone without BPD. For someone with BPD, they’re excruciating. What am I supposed to do? The only thing that could help me is if she comes back. That’s the only thing that’ll fix me. It sucks. I feel dead. Having to act happy for other people is one of the worst parts. Distractions hardly work, because absolutely anything with any type of romance whatsoever sends me into a spiral of severe emotional distress. It’s like an open wound, and those things are like rubbing alcohol being poured onto it. And, well, it’s pretty hard to avoid types of entertainment with romance in them because every show or movie finds a way to include it. It’s miserable. Seeing couples is particularly painful, and the thing is I’ve never liked couples anyway. But now, with my circumstances, it stings even worse. I’ve heard it all. “You’ll find someone better.” “You don’t deserve that in your life, you will find someone who doesn’t just leave you like that.” “Stay strong! Keep your head up!” And while the support is appreciated, it doesn’t do much. Nobody understands the severity of my emotions. I am always at a moderate level of irritability. Needless to say, it’s become more intense. My moods range from numb, angry, and sad. Nevertheless, the hopelessness is there 24/7. The only relief I have is sleep, and I can’t sleep forever. This is my first time posting to this sub. I am a bit nervous, mainly because of my fear of criticism and my emotional vulnerability. So I ask that you please be kind. Thanks for reading. Hopefully some of you can relate.",3.4354538375973283,6.2386757000000035,4.374938820912123,80.35845939933259,78.20689655172414,6.7764182424916575,26.25139043381535,7.941651935203635,1.912956618464961,1243,49,216,22,31,401,178,290,0.194,0.631,0.175,-0.7661,0,1,1,0,0,1,48.0,0,8,1,4,8,29,1,6,13,0,28,8,3,0,2,31,39,12,1,3,5,0,5,4,0,3,5,3,0,0,26,14,1,2,5,3,0,3,6,12,1,2,1,9,26,16,31,32,8,20,0,3,1,0,16,8,1,4,10,151,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950226976248597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747186164699034,0.0,0.0,0.06331544525086596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661851361046303,0.0,0.08704177876902791,0.0,0.0,0.0715929619727153,0.0,0.17027012418424362,0.10282854220106634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234491517918849,0.10164791470864457,0.0,0.23452813433830935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020279335291851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433776743747288,0.20604059757203885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141960108875381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061495802448661686,0.0,0.07844603436393513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047704204676536,0.04707731938976042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552922873004492,0.0791961318155857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911333834452216,0.2502147460919015,0.0,0.095553877428984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062407159245106585,0.0,0.0,0.0924755180618168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275711624340218,0.0,0.0969558356298312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858607916378613,0.0,0.0,0.0657637004521733,0.1819480502751502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844380939655445,0.0,0.07180928265533541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309120710134032,0.2124345043529363,0.09907161839290644,0.0,0.0,0.10082499959563627,0.0,0.06454815313004543,0.0,0.0,0.1022027072557645,0.0,0.0,0.08917005407834447,0.09472253229344746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313144955303956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404182993653526,0.0,0.0,0.07419362967446917,0.0,0.0,0.2103671300304968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634698780283196,0.0,0.3155545064023405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923887824004644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565587331534466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571972916748095,0.0,0.0,0.247422631247968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054291005260595215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692689364771874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390341043061438,0.0,0.0,0.0837137036685308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975110604166946,0.0,0.06778246156808197,0.0,0.09488322678818152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,weRtheweirdosmr,2018/03/12,"Are you close to a Schizoid? I'm a woman (29) and my best friend is a man (21). He always talks it out with me when I have an episode. He puts a lot of effort into talking me into a better state of mind. He lets me vent and rage until I stop hating and start laughing, even if it takes an hour or two, and even when he's the object of my anger. He has Schizoid Personality Disorder, so we're polar opposites. It's amazing. He's seen the worst of the worst and he's always fine with it, as I am with his so-called shortcomings. If it weren't for him, I'd struggle to cope with BPD. His disorder tames me and my disorder brings him to life.",1.677637690776379,2.8966176131386883,3.5650829462508287,91.68560716655612,77.24817518248175,6.733642999336432,21.94359654943597,7.348242739294969,0.516816058394161,491,13,116,6,11,166,83,137,0.203,0.6729999999999999,0.124,-0.9062,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,3,5,12,3,1,10,0,7,1,0,0,0,20,13,14,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,5,14,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,2,1,15,6,17,10,4,13,0,0,1,0,18,4,0,4,6,73,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862286084841045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804990064629695,0.15211632963512484,0.0,0.0,0.2166227198976677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5913663475232529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272032398382107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328835473173067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981026824054996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938124116446518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758773835755117,0.12148573733107325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622469931996238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17366675219816347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018011972302414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729033091394537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173952980457532,0.0,0.0,0.14379621070484316,0.0,0.17980738001412064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293194548432323,0.27648745721650825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801492851856756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chowl,2018/03/12,My wife told me last night to take my split and go somewhere else with it. So i smashed all of her cosmetics. I think i need a divorce. ,0.2943678160919525,2.224805103448276,1.6075862068965527,100.75436781609196,84.17241379310346,5.2459770114942526,23.459770114942533,6.42735559955562,0.265749425287356,104,4,26,1,3,33,26,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,3,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,15,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734144855754977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540426756874941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36436792265966206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314478036980254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194829752260139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33609137935428113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864221154085028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271314800814254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwityoutity,2018/03/12,"Drunk ramblings What if i am willing to hecome whatever the percrc t person is in someones mind because i have no sense of self? Like iahte myself whatevrr that mivht be so like im so willing to be ANYOEN bur me Man i love my frind so much and she said she had a crusb on mr too but then she stopped florting after but she just gave me good nivht kiss so idk how to feel???? Shes sp beautiful amd my fp but she has depression but i love her she sso amazing even if we neber have sex and am completely paltonic im so thankful shes in my life It reallg sucks my fp will never loce me as much as i lcoe them like it sSUCKS but understandable?? Dfor those of you ehobhave bpd eho have gotten in a relationship with someone with bpd whats ot loke?? I need go vomit so bad but nowhere to and i dont wanna fisappont her i lpve ber so much ahes so amazing and kimd amd sweet I habe NOT been takomg my recent bpd diagnoais well. Not omly do i seem gay depaite being bi but I'm i also havr crazy ex synfrome accorinf to others that makes me feel so bad idk whay im gonna do i feel sp empty without a SO guys",-1.50229700433583,0.2597835889830513,1.0504651162790708,97.30667520693736,107.17796610169492,3.890264091446591,16.92905005912495,5.8840308858928765,-0.34162384706346005,861,27,194,10,43,290,146,236,0.131,0.674,0.195,0.9714,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,1,0,16,16,1,0,4,0,20,9,0,2,1,32,37,28,0,4,13,1,3,3,0,4,2,1,0,5,8,7,1,1,5,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,5,5,35,12,18,25,3,10,0,1,0,6,24,4,1,3,8,120,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086005696514347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061391192911386,0.0768830590894493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765403339890557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223696206197974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862905904587583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781454170384292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330267161191876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131386149982532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167828009361665,0.10578550547533057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248810287724548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40870158214942426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908399800661852,0.18485113713842075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22766082374983534,0.0,0.08418769742602017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734769485306488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781434805793325,0.09351817935938496,0.09727338864662692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012523593267656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453067825039207,0.1354082834558196,0.0,0.0,0.11997130703880762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481711804992985,0.13157319458773034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372624127020684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544399391411567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611658300519795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129789140713954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339920593667875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157751611806795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,frankendesign,2018/03/12,"Has anyone seen the Netflix show ""Love""? Is it just me or do you feel some similar thought processes? Of course it's a bit over the top and easy to see through being the audience. However some of her reactions are so similar to the way I avoid ""threatening"" situations. ",4.523823529411764,6.320358588235294,5.809950980392159,76.11727941176474,70.9607843137255,11.374509803921569,34.318627450980394,11.20814326018867,4.524839215686273,212,11,40,8,4,71,43,51,0.042,0.861,0.097,0.4329,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,1,6,7,3,3,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,3,0,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28762624566850303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490888499565761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079914702075825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712604178482969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327793559957584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623758587306658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265668161337294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265113474613257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,notmishelle,2018/03/12,"Not sure if correct sub... Bpd help So my family has a history of bipolar disorder and I believe I have a problem as well but mine seems to be more of a personality disorder to where sometimes I forget weeks of my life at a time until I'm that ""person"" again and then sometimes there's the mother of them all who is like the main person. I can remember everything without having to be that specific ""person"" who lived it, and it never lasts long enough for me to get help and it's normally before I go to sleep. Whatever I have isn't important I'm just not certain on where I should seek help. When I do a search of how to get diagnosed there's so many different options and I'm not sure if I should go to a doctor or therapist or counselor. I only have one shot at this because I don't have the money to do extensive testing and second opinions. I was thinking of going to the college psychology and anatomy and all that great stuff Center because it would be the cheapest and it would give the kids hands-on experience all the while having a teacher who's actually has a degree to monitor them so it wouldn't be too far off of a diagnosis. Also PS if any bad grammar I am sorry I'm using Speech-to-Text because I'm currently feeding my baby and I don't know how long I'll continue as this good ""person"" who is aware and wants help. In the times I was good I have told my mom and my husband so they are the ones trying to help me get help.",4.414420699399503,4.786417372483222,6.1281843871423565,79.06183504062174,69.90604026845638,9.226704344754504,30.449311197456733,9.276330184999452,2.56713154362416,1139,44,230,22,19,394,154,298,0.08,0.789,0.131,0.9654,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,0,16,10,0,0,18,0,30,6,1,3,8,49,48,31,0,11,11,3,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,6,16,12,1,0,4,0,1,3,9,2,1,3,3,0,27,8,28,36,6,26,0,0,0,0,24,9,0,8,15,168,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.09596869943128848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864495792441963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687669426161001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211239781317436,0.17984716038619794,0.0,0.08368275222280043,0.1107990200717714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385971759137555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981619718960323,0.0,0.10274762964446928,0.2254194722568802,0.10065835097500088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101614732237992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838445549422495,0.09619844240325982,0.09270914168315532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414066447819452,0.094339682294993,0.1676719850754814,0.16497108721633966,0.0,0.10842363752050163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3955039240773737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540468071257987,0.08016276887973084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694626543527615,0.0480454811678863,0.0,0.08683877712100871,0.1740611339099403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970448861242512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517827413747694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584827718195221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963553778573724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327968716620678,0.07479437464238461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293470976987075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410108477915304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140358466808473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952788338361227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841414271418644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452772158080064,0.1100870719172338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257934457412187,0.0,0.0,0.18537445443514267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141839426827259,0.0,0.06301430068799321,0.0,0.0,0.11468932882276868,0.0,0.0,0.0939710660287914,0.0,0.06676852339985477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493688078349201,0.0,0.0,0.05800532044662565,0.0,0.07888491929044901,0.0,0.08842227585331218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479925876866474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397202623863997,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FreedomX10A,2018/03/12,how to have a dbt treat? I think DBT is the only way out for me. I live in LA county. Any suggestion? ,-3.1963043478260857,-1.7729907391304334,0.5046739130434794,101.68570652173914,108.56521739130434,4.039130434782609,10.097826086956523,5.985473137389443,-1.3518608695652174,75,1,20,1,4,27,21,23,0.0,0.861,0.139,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020273743157034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.522028876280543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496242881479263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37880870353480667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46925665500219005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,erinneudorf,2018/03/12,"I’m just so tired I’m so tired. I just can’t be me anymore. I can kill myself because I love my family and couldn’t do it to them. But I just can’t do this. I’m exhausted being alive. Life is miserable, I’m exhausting my husband and all my friends and family. It’s just not worth it anymore. ",-0.9187307692307662,1.0919334923076924,2.2833653846153865,93.16350961538464,91.0,6.3269230769230775,20.43269230769231,7.6454224807358475,0.8516538461538454,227,8,54,5,8,81,38,65,0.294,0.574,0.132,-0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,6,1,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,1,11,14,6,1,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,1,11,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915982211779602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108614359680944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672990108823459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914871343123924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742076406146204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17506272349733915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236929455968785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5697307756558074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yourpunpal,2018/03/12,"BPD mother & ‘I love you’ My mother growing up never allowed us a healthy holiday. She did not allow my sisters and I to speak to her side of the family without consequences if we did and when we spoke to my dad’s side, she accused us of acting like my grandmother is our mom. As a result, it was usually immediate family except that my mom always left on holidays (Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving) and would send a text saying she doesn’t want to spend it with us or if she tried, she’d often find a random reason to get mad, start a fight then leave. Before her birthday or Mother’s Day, she always tells us she doesn’t want anything because we never love her or respect her. If my dad tries to do anything kind or loving, she rejects it because it’s all a lie and ‘he cheated on her’ (I don’t know if this is true). Reflecting on this made me realize maybe a reason I have difficulty maintaining relationships now (note: I’m not BPD) is because I was denied a healthy relationship with either of my parents. If she is happy, she will hug me and always say she loves me but I struggle to say I love you, I will say it of course and I do love her but it all feels artificial and wrong to say out loud because that’s what I was taught. And it’s not long before she’s upset/angry again and rejects any love. I wonder did anyone have similar experiences growing up? Where a BPD loved one denied affection and how has it affected you? I’m trying not to feel so alone in this. ",3.7328792946184235,4.951657892976595,5.2990833079963515,81.27768546670723,72.07692307692308,8.111948920644574,27.30328367284889,8.575989854853784,1.9657612040133785,1166,41,229,20,22,395,151,299,0.121,0.703,0.17600000000000002,0.9674,2,1,0,0,1,0,31.0,8,3,0,0,7,21,3,1,10,0,22,9,0,9,5,60,43,26,0,8,18,9,2,1,0,3,0,8,0,0,14,16,0,0,9,2,1,4,10,7,0,1,9,10,49,14,25,30,3,26,0,2,0,9,59,11,0,12,12,158,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857987809841446,0.0,0.0,0.18939322244147352,0.08220661902357633,0.0,0.05159514672574047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305103976453342,0.0,0.12487137809667115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185001979753662,0.0,0.12912192885788815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866720779082039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978615393250692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421677768892151,0.14304958762609465,0.0,0.07672570860854888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934507564480043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963966963361544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076650514107596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900837695158587,0.0416969315619137,0.0,0.0,0.08033684671121287,0.08243448688804937,0.0,0.0,0.03706692858754074,0.0,0.0,0.0671437923366932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.547815131251052,0.07179134341218968,0.0,0.0,0.07622300874518904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177719309225845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170333860937834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051412417216685546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424619947015421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601684991393902,0.0,0.16291495689073976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30167987165545596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053702160126034966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931724994224701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631493875043785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545350797992752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36505575996678297,0.0,0.08356161670741899,0.0,0.0895018227907605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313731217824916,0.08227928565519284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053896858374797456,0.08295345412885533,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bugtsum96,2018/03/12,"I had a suicide attempt earlier this week I know this is a typical story about a girl, we were together for a year and 3 months. But I can’t find my mind anymore She started to distance herself from me a month ago, like she didn’t even message me back and I was trying to get ahold of her because I was scared, well because of that I got a job, and I got a car with the help of my family. Like I was trying to better myself because I knew she was at the end of the tunnel, about a week ago I finally contacted her and spilled my heart out to her, I found out she’s is seeing someone else and it killed me, I had to leave from work trying to contact her and she wouldn’t answer so I went to my moms job because I didn’t want to harm myself and be at home with the guns. She finally called me back later that day and I just couldn’t stop crying and believe she’s actually with someone else. She had to go because she was going to eat with her friend. But she said she loved me and hung up and to message me , so I was messaging her and it just really hurt because she sent me a picture of her recently with her new tattoo on her arm. It hurt because I knew that used to be mine, like I couldn’t stop crying I was wanting to cut myself but I kept back. Anyways we were trying to talk because she told me to contact her when I want to harm myself, I was trying to talk to her and she was telling me just to breath, I was going crazy crying because I wanted to her from her, she had class so she told me she was going to call after class, she never did so I tried to call her again and I guess she was eating with her friend and she said she will call when she’s out, she never called I fell asleep with my phone In my hand, In the morning I was trying to message her and she finally contact me and sorry hun I was in space last night, she decided to get high instead of calling me like she said. So that really fucking hurt but I had to go to work so I was messaging her , she. Told me she cares about me but not enough, she cares about him more to be in a relationship, she wants to make this work. So I broke down and I couldn’t deal with anything. I called her from work trying to talk but she was baby sitting, I kept trying to call and she finally answered and I was telling her why is this happening I just want this pain to go away I miss you so much. And she had her friend message me really hurtful stuff bulling me, He told me I’m obsessed, I’m abusive, Morgan is better off with jake, that I need to get over her because she got over me. I got so hurt but I wanted to hear it all because it’s why I’ve been trying to hurt myself That was the last time we talked and for the past 3 days I haven’t been normal. I’ve been crying non stop, I can’t stop thinking about her telling me she loves him, I can’t stop thinking about how she cares about him and how he drives to see her, I just want to give up so bad I don’t want to be strong any longer, I’ve been cutting myself so bad recently, especially today I tried to call her because I was so weak and of course she didn’t answer so I probably cut myself 100 times on my leg, like I don’t feel normal anymore I want to try again to harm myself. I tried to kill myself on FaceTime with her last time when she told me she tells him she loves him, I tried to get a gun but I put it down because she told me to. I can’t stop thinking about getting rid of this pain finally, I just want it to go away, I don’t want to think about how happy she is with him, we were broken up for a month and she found someone off tinder she cares about more than a relationship we built for so long, she was my best friend. I feel so non valuable , I don’t feel like I matter anymore, I don’t feel like she cares about me even though she said she did, I just want to hear her tell me she cares and I don’t have to put myself through this, I want her to tell me I matter or just to know she’s thinking of me, but hearing nothing from her is what makes this pain get bigger, I want to talk to her so bad but I just keep cutting myself because she doesn’t want to hear from me anymore, I ruined our relationship by trying to get ahold of her 20 times I fucked up, I deserve to feel this pain, I deserve to cut myself so much, I don’t want to go to work tomorrow because I don’t deserve to have a job feeling this way, she’s happier with him and it brings me so much pain because I just want peace, I just want to know she cares My leg has so many cuts and I don’t want to stop because it’s the only way I have a clear head, I cry for so long with my mom and it doesn’t take the pain away, I just want to call her and because of that I cut myself so much ",1.3189354056033693,2.7198580108267727,2.954449734480864,94.92257736678265,78.63582677165354,5.788573521333089,21.164347189159493,6.330040432304669,0.04647412561801857,3633,95,864,27,86,1200,272,1016,0.173,0.695,0.132,-0.9963,3,0,0,2,0,10,66.0,6,1,0,10,61,63,11,2,24,0,73,22,8,6,4,150,177,69,3,28,24,2,7,7,4,2,7,8,1,1,29,51,2,10,23,0,0,16,26,35,1,0,60,17,230,28,136,108,9,99,0,9,2,5,164,28,2,2,59,595,259,10,0.0,0.035300889276978296,0.029074540104484493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528209739832151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02026086777133709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819013731449575,0.0,0.0,0.02451783394947777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397702494054819,0.06872899006586597,0.07462996427300246,0.3269174329742793,0.0,0.0,0.033567512863095283,0.031266850799723564,0.052700551389226385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30422894190970196,0.0,0.2126380049920943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363595298949904,0.038429190224117456,0.03071619370201008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060973177739952714,0.04977794625273175,0.0,0.026388544411027098,0.03078505413919087,0.0,0.039357168443431616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02808702914484256,0.0,0.09038811993557548,0.04256952381932267,0.0,0.16318875811702174,0.027231076901497186,0.0,0.0,0.06533492801637218,0.0920747460969682,0.055087944859607836,0.10896254960776054,0.02858101539965065,0.13546044028563,0.0,0.09531558643853276,0.0,0.03282133027821384,0.0,0.02634663969540916,0.03171615132165073,0.0,0.0,0.030577128028657714,0.0,0.13431952347137416,0.035305904662133694,0.019970217321224445,0.03147888197410323,0.029885702235935663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913698611978562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869751957655568,0.02648217954878571,0.06592505281908627,0.0,0.0491218304700519,0.0728579938821298,0.0,0.031547429005953684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189053244788224,0.0,0.0,0.052733312512169575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067045043316484,0.0,0.039775307614341344,0.030206329458852318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030083336946048738,0.06978849083962048,0.07134359939575725,0.0,0.08760775298701526,0.022091792894213428,0.04595777143695982,0.028775125891035036,0.0,0.027959548707055654,0.05838337529629097,0.02858804226394499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02265959691041583,0.1902168059181665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0284416405107426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03212285401049335,0.0,0.0,0.05990217980231245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057260189080758014,0.0,0.058835746626572975,0.0959624676643166,0.0,0.0,0.113363253498089,0.0,0.029828882794254337,0.0,0.047483747902393895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757328022831039,0.0,0.0,0.0333518220670953,0.02108826962218801,0.0,0.0,0.17436319055957994,0.0,0.0,0.03410687743143191,0.03258968135609285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022401298374539604,0.11973600633858708,0.1562470453776181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545361265528332,0.029272346946685124,0.0,0.06949223049128547,0.0,0.028241125259840114,0.17081603965289294,0.0,0.3034214472234553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02573235608405391,0.0,0.0,0.3690373896640525,0.04729800827121413,0.04779772494867058,0.0,0.026788286396103343,0.027619235742688084,0.05376870553972049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845153860999372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01918628917677613 bpd,Lolerskates69,2018/03/13,"Sister with BPD, we (her family) need advice as we are really out of our depth My sister is 26 and was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago. She has always struggled with mental health and psychosis, but only got diagnosed in her early 20s as they put it under the blanket of anxiety/depression. Since then she has been up and down. We love her to bits. She is beautiful and talented. But recently we are really struggling with how to help her and her episodes are really taking a toll on the family. We recently discovered a blog online that she's written that's full of bizarre thoughts and events that never happened, including our dad raping her (impossible- he's had a stroke, has almost full paralysis, and couldn't rape anyone if he tried), that our family is always encouraging her to fail and laughing at her when she does, and several love letter type things to serial killers. Some of these were quite violent. She seems to idolize these people. I tried to gently tell her that it was not ok to idolize these people as they had tortured/raped/killed innocent people, and that wasn't a good thing, and she got really mad at me and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. We are really worried about her. We want to help but we have no idea how. Her blog was really hurtful to us, and I know she might genuinely believe those things as a symptom of her BPD but the stuff online was shocking (especially about dad) and it's not right. We don't want to bring it up with her in case she has a bad episode or something, but we are constantly walking on eggshells at home. She can misinterpret a single look as us 'giving her the evils' and goes into a downward spiral about how we are thinking bad things about her etc., and we are not. If we are out in public, she'll tell me that people are looking at her, judging her, talking about her behind their hands, and in reality they never looked at her once or noticed her. She'll come home and tell the family about how a group of people were laughing at her or smirking at her and they never even saw her. We try to show her we love her. I know it's worse for her but seriously, we are really struggling. After a lot of coaxing, she has finally gone to therapy this week which is a good start, and has gotten some anti-psychotic medicine from the GP. In the meantime, the rest of the family really needs support and I'm not sure what to do or where to get it from. Please help. We are in New Zealand.",4.542195834855684,5.672372325051764,5.36602910729509,81.89304804530511,70.05590062111801,8.912166605772745,27.042321276336626,9.247498795725024,2.1548612105711844,1935,62,380,39,34,631,218,483,0.152,0.716,0.133,-0.9012,0,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,22,0,5,2,13,26,5,3,23,1,40,11,1,4,4,88,70,44,0,8,16,4,2,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,25,47,0,0,6,3,0,5,12,14,0,0,17,6,73,12,68,48,11,51,0,2,4,5,88,28,0,12,18,286,98,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821248299289043,0.061877779997951673,0.0,0.06989946523806324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161664397627744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048809168055606963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656825341154012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864615206380167,0.0,0.0,0.07620880736555859,0.0,0.2637502618153375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601306898063937,0.0,0.07543423478284858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501834780522986,0.0,0.060122807495160566,0.14170088900639938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108668699717205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785085008648153,0.04610543931012826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329028959362411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646779157167974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03647014847217655,0.06696316442705645,0.0,0.1170979779689626,0.11165861670580812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172819059625365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741992820427276,0.0,0.0,0.14036614103026748,0.0,0.14003989465451042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472752631181684,0.07880116911324753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672583040942353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758554575912357,0.0,0.0,0.05934557979841325,0.18900478381278066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034686172082742,0.07405190541414247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035188106075317,0.16151339074565396,0.06741795067484485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947327444311518,0.0,0.07433987776322865,0.0,0.053089727308342674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419694384183892,0.0,0.0,0.0766247537081127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017314569744745,0.0,0.07424604113264828,0.0,0.0,0.35775015015372835,0.0,0.1378477188599813,0.0,0.0,0.059612953032792126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354770580080008,0.0,0.0788596014708806,0.0,0.05774328603739968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373917716147148,0.0,0.0,0.04940822593062722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21892552903710816,0.07990984258601087,0.0,0.07921370664226915,0.06579023678551844,0.07255395787027011,0.05248455331129289,0.11221297449618092,0.18303752411454005,0.0,0.0798279195383048,0.0,0.18550093916538016,0.04472812368639935,0.0,0.055417246687655713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217871532561455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793325839579548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082345407917865,0.0,0.05599323309934204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089020471182646,0.07113709684305196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495202913277945 bpd,gaskugh,2018/03/13,"How do you personally describe having a FP? In your own words/metaphor/example, how do you describe having a FP and how do you personally know that somebody is becoming it?",6.881875000000001,7.7068484375,7.9812499999999975,66.33875,64.625,11.4,41.0,11.20814326018867,5.1111375,138,8,23,4,2,47,21,32,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,5,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165462188640042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257039825831129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8167683464202093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,danibooii,2018/03/13,"Attatchment and trauma in later childhood Hello, I'm a psychology student who's been struggling with a question for a while. Attachment problems are known to be common in BPD and so are trumatic experiences, but most studies seem to be focused on the first few years of life. The patient I'm supposed to analyze lived with her parents until they died at 5 years of age after with she moved to her aunt and uncle who sexually abused and mistreated her. Does anyone know of any source that deals with attachment problems in cases such as theese? Thanks Daniel",7.9879411764705885,8.572223676470593,7.58313725490196,70.97411764705883,62.235294117647065,10.329411764705883,36.607843137254896,10.125756701596842,3.877596078431372,453,20,73,9,6,143,76,102,0.161,0.738,0.101,-0.7845,1,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,1,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,16,10,9,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,1,0,5,1,20,7,2,16,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,3,10,49,8,1,0.0,0.2536698984255606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559328036307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970157846526094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269647637163842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207245736863121,0.0,0.0,0.22219885188092506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873577000179884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942791730285007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211077214117066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766209483700853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512230205396094,0.0,0.0,0.1890515457344137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275511952203411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377293469903443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097237690943971,0.0,0.0,0.23983760325338785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949058393166561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238206370427476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711172387525447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757428566996622 bpd,zkni,2018/03/13,"I should win an award for all the bullshit I can say... especially when it comes to lying to prevent people from helping me. That's what Im very talented at, but it's not really a good thing for me...",6.34,4.3497315714285705,7.771428571428572,76.74857142857145,66.6190476190476,11.257142857142858,32.904761904761905,10.125756701596842,2.9152476190476184,154,5,34,3,2,54,35,42,0.17600000000000002,0.614,0.21,-0.1123,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,6,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360578423427175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510936297131005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805722113960552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521492848557628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901977639151729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681596235188005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328797563034926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278092752652078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34538078265735755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bowtruckleninja,2018/03/13,"How to deal with feeling empty? There are days where I don't feel like myself, or even anything at all, like I'm a fake person. I feel devoid of emotions, and anything I do or say is just out of habit. How do I snap myself out of this? How do I deal with feeling like a shell of a person? I hate feeling like this, and I want to be able to feel like a normal person. Sometimes it feels like there's a hole where normal emotions should be, but there's nothing. I have a hard time explaining it, but maybe this makes sense to some of you. ",2.888606194690265,3.6466302831858433,3.8072455752212413,92.92467367256641,73.60176991150442,6.0039823008849575,22.97455752212389,5.148860815047168,0.08554955752212345,414,10,94,1,8,133,59,113,0.152,0.7859999999999999,0.062,-0.8088,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,10,8,1,0,6,0,10,0,0,4,1,29,22,9,0,4,5,0,8,6,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,6,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,11,6,14,19,2,7,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,8,64,16,0,0.1241248132659634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042882903967568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005023596694942,0.2559344643498952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792474163621754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198326851317435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393286458442878,0.4433739569925733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119145208831256,0.12254755546067575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638466838515288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285427670000163,0.0,0.1247000584345022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432319256148151,0.11910110599341805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251429976798077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870903351430066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276261418329475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237817680068996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321203082728439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bythesea88,2018/03/13,"Empty feeling I need to talk. I hope someone can hear me. I'm not feeling safe, but I'm not feeling anything. This has come out of nowhere, but really it hasn't as my body has just finally caught up with my mind. And I've cut again, and I still feel nothing. I feel like I want to do worse. ",0.4919047619047596,2.1941657301587334,2.36531746031746,96.80607142857143,82.17460317460319,5.469841269841268,23.198412698412696,6.42735559955562,0.33901269841269865,223,8,54,2,6,74,45,63,0.217,0.6859999999999999,0.097,-0.8272,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,0,0,20,18,5,0,3,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,6,8,3,7,17,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616746090284048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512897835849436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487653430265775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5719417281743577,0.16161827707979673,0.0,0.2478231707510267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549768944299201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22469676820893308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052422234448504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22842713048269905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774618012268291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21707314159271776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492830040842344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168337541773486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066703352153532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183456437982745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343591901606516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230547012478351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,meltingalphabet,2018/03/13,"dealing with failure I started drumming a few years ago. I'm in a band and I'm getting better, but I'm definitely not a pro. We started gigging a few months ago for fun around town. For context, this is the first time in my life that I'm performing for an audience. At least since I was 5 when I tripped on stage during a ballet performance in front of the entire town. They laughed - because it was cute - but try to explain that to a child. I was traumatized and quit dancing immediately. I am having serious trouble not freaking out before or while I'm performing, and then every mistake haunts me till the next gig. Many of my friends, co-workers, etc are seasoned musicians who have been playing all their lives and they're super supportive of me and many of them keep coming to my shows. Here I am pretending like I can play an instrument while real musicians watch. I know in their minds they're supporting me but in my mind they're judging. Accepting my beginner ability and my mistakes is proving fairly impossible. My friends, band mates, etc are very forgiving but I just can't forgive myself for being a shitty performer. They had to deal with this struggle when they were kids and I have to deal with it as a thirty year old woman with BPD. I can't describe the pain, dread, and horror I feel. Performance anxiety is draining all my confidence and making drumming not fun anymore. I know logically that I care more about my mistakes than anyone else does, and who cares if I suck? I've never claimed to be anything more than a beginner who wants to get better and have fun doing it. If only every gig wasn't another traumatic experience that sends me spiraling into a self-destructive mess. It just emphasizes my already difficult to manage low self-worth. Part of me doesn't want to give up. I know the only way I'll get better at performing is by performing. I wish I could accept mistakes without feeling like human garbage. How do other people with BPD deal with failure?",4.861765188834152,6.615313505291005,5.601384783798577,78.11928571428574,70.03174603174604,8.705856595511769,32.34665207079001,9.223106411051027,3.084868162744024,1587,73,279,33,29,516,211,378,0.149,0.612,0.239,0.9934,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,6,13,8,37,1,2,17,0,28,2,0,2,4,64,56,26,0,10,13,0,2,2,3,0,2,0,0,4,14,22,0,1,12,10,0,5,9,14,0,1,7,3,41,23,43,46,10,43,0,1,1,0,28,15,1,3,23,185,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675856726092503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043133360514013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912022049550699,0.07231320197506716,0.0,0.09374578015128744,0.06609575568457365,0.09685449164013923,0.0777879956293651,0.08414942663272937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762302543566381,0.0,0.08043585480314605,0.0,0.0,0.25080540982399424,0.0,0.0,0.238107901461302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275396766342415,0.0,0.0,0.08142698474311989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547243683063604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898143932887817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272156441480855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896551289003131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084607552786802,0.0,0.0,0.15928682222333002,0.0,0.0,0.09246593521250313,0.0,0.0,0.09559178695507396,0.0675303931747233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040495782591275,0.0,0.0,0.14606326891936594,0.0,0.14815999447793493,0.09067929514377827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402029605233062,0.0,0.0,0.15584936017531842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676749785767105,0.0923626253801542,0.0,0.08346942568513037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309777326244884,0.1916718931016673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908914537636635,0.0,0.07545086853126555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290535801491016,0.0,0.10053096188394373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919060467917104,0.0,0.0,0.1437846939548382,0.1005838178709998,0.0,0.0,0.10236396215868453,0.0,0.06553339678568082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005415251015858,0.0,0.10759287544698076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722538692326205,0.0,0.0,0.07819404178338564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381395995926254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882056217981704,0.0,0.0,0.2145371457727791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055119686886594715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417789939929698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779950043951741,0.11150941883059888,0.07503144992865993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087018444915288,0.09112104001384158,0.0,0.06881707273795942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217450923031956 bpd,throwy2k18031301,2018/03/13,"How to deal with best friend growing distant due to a relationship? Hey guys. I apologize if this gets too long.. I've known my best friend for about 9 months, which is not a lot but it feels a lot more than that, because we spent a lot of time together. We bonded pretty quickly I would say, we're very much alike. In the past few months we did a lot of things together, talked for hours every single day. Even daily 6 to 8 hours wasn't uncommon. We were really close, and it was fucking awesome. But now I feel like I'm losing her, and I can't do shit about it. She's in a relationship now, and thus we can't spend as much time together as we used to. Which is normal, and she is happy with him so that's awesome, but fuck I miss her so SO much and it hurts like hell. In the beginning it triggered my fear of abandonment like crazy, and we had sort of a fight. Which never happened before to this extent, and I feel awful because of what I did and the way I acted. I want to believe I'm not the reason, that I didn't fuck up and we are not drifting apart because of what I did. She says we're good, and regardless of what happened she's not mad at me. But I still blame myself.. But anyway, now most of the time she takes at least a day to respond to my texts, sometimes more. We talk like twice a month for a few hours at most. I feel like I'm handling it okay considering I have BPD. I can force myself to realize it's normal, and she doesn't hate me, she's just spending more time with her boyfriend and that's completely normal. I don't get angry. Sometimes I start to split, but most of the time I actually realize it and stop myself. Not completely, but I try to think rationally and that way I can keep it under control relatively well. Which is good, I'm actually proud of myself for that, because doing so can be really taxing. But it's still very shitty despite this small achievement. I'm happy for her, I really am, but I feel so alone, she's everything I have, and she's very important to me. And I'm losing her, it's tearing me apart and I don't know what to do. I feel terrible, but sometimes I have thoughts of them breaking up, whether it will happen or not, and I wonder if there's any chance of us being friends again the way we were, if they do. I hope there is, but at the same time I don't want them to break up at all, because she is happy. She's the only person I feel like I can be my honest self with(that is if I even have a real self lol), and I don't have to pretend. I have pretty severe social anxiety too, but when I'm around her I don't get as anxious as I normally do. I feel.. normal. Plus the social anxiety means making new friends and meeting new people is literally not an option for me, and that just makes the already terrible situation even worse. Losing a best friend can be and is hard on a mentally healthy individual, and having BPD and a plethora of other mental disorders makes it so much harder and more difficult. I get stupidly emotional over this, and even though I'm a dude, I cry myself to sleep more often than I'd like to admit. Yeah.. I don't know, I just wanted to share this with someone, because I feel scared and lost as fuck. Thank you for reading tho, hope you guys are doing okay!",3.01795827123696,4.138122195230999,4.503710581222055,86.67569701937408,73.69448584202682,7.5140506706408345,24.74637853949329,7.976525956113202,1.224919380029807,2527,76,544,36,50,845,264,671,0.145,0.6459999999999999,0.209,0.9922,0,1,0,0,1,0,86.0,11,2,3,10,34,51,10,2,27,5,54,6,2,9,2,129,107,61,0,16,28,0,10,7,5,2,0,2,0,5,35,44,0,4,20,2,4,3,19,22,1,1,12,12,90,29,67,89,26,58,1,7,0,4,60,19,6,18,38,383,125,3,0.0,0.0,0.10568121693886576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608096747687605,0.05975363214759176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036822476892456296,0.0,0.08284609875967287,0.0611717942895961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820317396392314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980486021509648,0.0,0.04607593488349301,0.06100622049797745,0.17047486377184715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639494712682554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135462341519448,0.0,0.06073155344109778,0.0,0.0,0.05947900322665449,0.06984192310979123,0.05582418016747345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205826558814746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090917892555385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305689587599835,0.0,0.045622000701816524,0.0,0.048664704588376566,0.0,0.0,0.060931521075109865,0.24640956857648816,0.11604996327285375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917293923429556,0.20023570555210726,0.11316031927322387,0.0,0.0,0.0908334975886234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072300082596182,0.1436486150041221,0.1729245650787927,0.04850594600635694,0.05345991078221903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075623053255746,0.15997453159911176,0.0,0.057966522554704886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812920431160227,0.0,0.0,0.05951661721542914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517774356782216,0.0,0.0,0.047919250136685916,0.0,0.1817331861133026,0.05910890644302561,0.18413867337464784,0.0,0.0,0.1084325727344774,0.0,0.0,0.058983014119336624,0.0,0.0,0.1091368374640878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966118084494865,0.0,0.15921995525424115,0.0,0.04176225312422937,0.10459289504856517,0.0,0.0,0.2652675729408558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041181971722186364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05169036500854937,0.037539385021529474,0.04727991943504064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017590550775476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416262391491047,0.06163224516175541,0.10406572971502813,0.0556731322165592,0.0,0.1162693124497299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612127929009418,0.0542115648656016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297628535791365,0.0611717942895961,0.05558211380146814,0.0,0.06086458778349407,0.05418707572189714,0.11039407423807454,0.045879399861567416,0.0,0.16066118276190847,0.0,0.038326212363097634,0.0,0.08648527870164811,0.045270128095035785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040712535172083945,0.08704417552805851,0.0,0.04985217641589607,0.0,0.0,0.03597350569715225,0.034695833228555614,0.053200106293430666,0.04298744035277485,0.1894447029872998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036762917742570116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513334169436855,0.046766461238841664,0.0,0.13403323999768949,0.09581362814212052,0.12894041629523842,0.0,0.0,0.04868552857368162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058721164431821224,0.0,0.0,0.05518140813898356,0.038465164807678656,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,h00th00t95,2018/03/13,"Any book recs? I was tentatively diagnosed yesterday and my therapist wants me to read a book on bpd, preferably one that's not filled with nasty stigma and terrible personal stories. Something more informative. Anything people here have found helpful to read?",6.310465116279067,10.021328883720935,5.875627906976748,68.25483720930234,74.11627906976744,9.951627906976746,36.50697674418605,9.888512548439397,5.12710604651163,214,12,29,7,5,66,39,43,0.067,0.8009999999999999,0.132,0.4559,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,4,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,17,4,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857671474355374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224798272487422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344052089792501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27726505361105896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995203202174263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310224158709865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851092340114344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938390517022846,0.238524306501198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464942606486113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103020798411037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317175146728047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611246344399453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cuntatopie,2018/03/13,"Urge to self harm I really want to self harm right now. I haven’t in almost a year now but I’m feeling more and more anxious at night. my sleep is worsening, I can’t shut my fucking brain off. these waves of rage towards myself keep coming and they’re scarily familiar. It’s like I forgot how amazing the release was to punch a wall, to bite my arm until it bleed. I just needed to tell someone who doesn’t fucking care someone who might understand what it’s like to swing like this. I’ve been listening to my girl friend sleep peacefully every night and I’m beginning to resent her for it, so fucking unaware that I’m fighting off turning into what she has termed “the wolf” she doesn’t know I’m diagnosed bpd but she’s just starting to see my dark side ... so far it’s just come off as grumpy and intolerant. I don’t want her to get swept up in this I need to stop dating I always end up hurting my partner emotionally. I feel selfish that I want to self harm.... The release feels so similar to pain killers Winter is always tough for me, that’s when it all seems to fall apart. Why the fuck am I alive",1.8221305566680042,3.9186229251101343,3.1970865038045666,90.51887364837809,79.66079295154185,6.241810172206647,23.534040849018826,7.348242739294969,0.9366317180616744,872,30,184,12,22,284,134,227,0.201,0.652,0.147,-0.9439,0,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,10,20,7,0,6,0,12,11,4,1,1,30,42,13,0,5,5,0,3,3,2,1,3,1,0,5,16,7,0,3,6,0,0,3,5,14,0,0,3,5,24,6,29,38,4,33,0,1,1,4,16,16,4,3,17,106,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739619473764627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951016068280809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244474903603984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765624216019388,0.13087557016155646,0.0,0.0,0.1195312140083447,0.0,0.0,0.2019790608176616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899336499669184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318761532250535,0.10383742664611262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877745950803006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17783606453049222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057722685348422,0.4335358816573683,0.06125163672667235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255049262721328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420587560627753,0.0,0.0,0.06443053961482555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182863016286495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437022056012095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173859905904883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003847902380788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474872507639942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510519957454431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011999118003173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342292839079376,0.10672841086713997,0.36691213495590813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346438821463231,0.0,0.1986695231407618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082981145753244,0.0,0.0,0.09801561036433644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247054466994734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752048827257273,0.0,0.12204813653306007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207448744652466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578840443742094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549696049821088 bpd,bpdthrowaway1241,2018/03/13,"Please someone talk to me I'm been a week and a half and I can't calm down. I've been sleeping for 12 hours every single day yet I'm so tired. I'm stressing all of my friendships to the absolute limit. My closest friend blocked me today because I'm too dependent and she can't deal with me anymore. I'm trying to get a degree at a good school but I'm about to fail one of my classes for my major and I can't even get myself to do two assignments. One of my professors keeps on approaching me even when I walk out of class to go get water and I don't want to have sex with him and I'm so scared. I told my partner (who I am not really in a relationship with, since he doesn't want ""anything serious"" and is technically dating someone but he's the nicest anyone who's ever fucked me has been) that I can't have sex with him for a little while and he hasn't texted me in four days and I'm so scared. I self harm every day, every single day and almost no one knows about it. I've been tossed around by so many gross, disgusting people since I was 14, its been so long I keep on performing these cycles and I can't stop. I'm so fucking exhausted I can't take it. For the past week and a half I've been sobbing every single day, for the past 3 days I've been banging my head against a wall and slapping myself and I've been trying to stab myself recently. It's too much it's too much. I had to see my mother today and I hate her I hate her so much and I want to die. I'm not even angry right now I just am so exhausted. It feels like my heart is about to give up I want it to end so badly. This is the worst its ever been can someone just please talk to me.",0.4749725274725272,2.20835215659341,2.6973186813186842,94.24768131868132,82.37912087912088,5.6984615384615385,18.91648351648352,6.742157984588678,-0.027273846153846204,1291,31,305,14,35,439,162,364,0.239,0.6970000000000001,0.064,-0.9974,0,0,0,0,0,2,25.0,0,0,0,3,26,21,5,3,13,0,30,11,3,1,3,44,60,29,1,4,6,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,2,13,22,1,5,2,0,0,3,12,17,0,7,12,2,42,4,40,48,9,40,0,2,1,4,20,13,3,2,25,197,55,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971175756289199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884951724433282,0.06264363019857044,0.0,0.07372519432789043,0.07975437316367279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480416948806118,0.05461342349334887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34667004307656724,0.09236367920429826,0.0,0.0,0.09298060080913344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935042584683867,0.0,0.0,0.17752067113677372,0.1620791352011421,0.3019348121075373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529955433607211,0.06400333778449817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921725388423577,0.1656496021739803,0.14042172312229406,0.08594319215839846,0.050916239707282485,0.07514410428519262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769037730591275,0.09194550834086188,0.0,0.0,0.10616495272386092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822841209162101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15926397392881425,0.0,0.0,0.04923649324826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376930173924827,0.08979303023336381,0.0,0.07928460810454033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083051601846756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975775661985558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212614489922568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104818296586616,0.06211064282992253,0.0,0.0,0.19668652126497965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057393848846648124,0.0,0.08845962621349368,0.09618646833857493,0.0,0.07650963811914414,0.0,0.0,0.17939106571338126,0.0906701801459667,0.07139188047227794,0.0,0.09346223578372943,0.0,0.0,0.1482200660685758,0.0,0.08965501443964767,0.0,0.2277287454031585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490151358001784,0.10262540129047053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736076601477947,0.14401860055905766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029708859705842,0.16984228314054275,0.08560738374959108,0.0,0.12165188385398662,0.0,0.08751671819718793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137075216198434,0.0,0.14372789078893547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LD_27,2018/03/13,"What is the best way to deal with/respond to my long distance girlfriend with BPD’s sudden “I hate you”s? I’m always questioning myself with the way I respond to my girlfriend whenever something I said leads to her becoming angry/irritated and saying “I hate you”. I understand that’s not how she truly feels, and things are back to normal the next morning (this usually happens late at night). However, I’m sure the things I tell her during her state of anger do affect her and want to know if what I am doing is the best for her. For example, just an hour or two ago, she sent me a silly video of her spontaneously singing at one of her roommates, recording their reaction. In the background, there was a clock hanging on the wall that seemed to be broken or out of battery (it was 4 or 5 hours off from the time she sent me the video) and it happened to catch my attention. So I asked in a laughing manner whether her clock was broken or not, and she replied in a similar manner that she filmed this earlier today, but it only felt like an hour ago for her. I responded by telling her how time flies and the clock looks like it’s pointing to 4 or 5 hours ago. This apparently made her think that I was being suspicious of her, and that I was “accusing me [of lying] even though I didn’t do anything wrong or bad.” She got angry at me, saying things like “I hate you,” “you’re so mean,” and “it’s scary that you’re looking at such tiny details in a video.” **What is the best course of action to take when an SO with BPD gets angry at you from misunderstanding/misinterpreting what you said?** I apologized to her several times while explaining how it was a misunderstanding, and what my actual intentions were. I never get angry back at her (I rarely get angered towards things), but am worried that this makes her feel childish and inferior because I am not acting like her. I don’t want her to feel that way, but at the same time want her to understand that I would never say or do anything harmful or negative towards her like making accusations.",5.567067669172932,6.085807431077697,6.1015679197995,79.74387067669176,67.42105263157895,9.291268170426065,30.746967418546372,9.281916038205594,2.536193704260652,1611,59,315,29,25,523,186,399,0.166,0.736,0.098,-0.9866,2,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,4,1,4,14,20,5,0,21,0,23,0,0,9,3,62,59,32,0,6,17,0,4,5,2,1,0,5,0,0,28,14,0,0,13,5,0,7,8,9,0,2,15,11,58,11,45,41,4,56,0,1,2,0,48,18,0,11,32,225,86,1,0.0,0.0,0.08208805858587373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369938740122766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999378832588607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384456216614773,0.0,0.07863995661326181,0.0,0.0,0.12936471434686678,0.07023589318453193,0.051278192180619804,0.09290288194540222,0.0,0.0,0.2648332600639416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118899977664124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672304700553939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555983925022083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759935768672853,0.0,0.08076747973163581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131846195385933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727768879228431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487723964049267,0.0,0.0,0.2491504402806971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33136127945365257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046229630035764836,0.0,0.0948899524889664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205481594325436,0.0,0.0,0.07444271227283296,0.14127763233200896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959547912507714,0.1123002382835143,0.0,0.0,0.09163030591141652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975559443540305,0.0,0.08946156409893903,0.07894003014497787,0.08241880893971171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700124537083984,0.06397632815617937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951969203124498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423258766918756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003295944139542,0.20068453481034035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657882392711889,0.0,0.0950305830855864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647589544575622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928120921807134,0.0,0.06324705693574201,0.0,0.14704751498200866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353983640558106,0.053900090730388685,0.0826465396346848,0.0,0.19620197834021166,0.0,0.07973502371936682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217208897880365,0.1751417955586886,0.0,0.0,0.09264524944331587,0.0,0.148846785608181,0.2003093596670704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854269786198328,0.0,0.059755759702778126,0.09197097606262723,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ellis211,2018/03/13,"Zoloft/Sertraline? I was put on 50mg Sertraline (Zoloft outside of the UK) last Thursday and I’m still working through the side effects, but is anybody else on this medication? Currently going through a breakup which is awful for anyone but worse when you’ve got BPD, and so far the feelings of sadness are being numbed almost completely by the Sertraline, is this normal? Feel free to message me if you’re on Sertraline/Zoloft, or if you have any experiences or advice of how to deal with being on meds for the first time! Xx",5.718398268398267,7.170773393939393,5.7782395382395375,78.82545454545458,67.58585858585859,8.889466089466088,33.334776334776336,9.23628265651192,3.0652412698412688,422,19,75,8,7,133,71,99,0.14400000000000002,0.8140000000000001,0.042,-0.8941,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,4,3,0,0,6,1,8,3,0,2,0,15,13,11,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,2,2,3,2,15,9,0,15,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,5,7,48,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274936596118826,0.0,0.0,0.23311986976896826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15831490165154402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278217382496885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932088558737706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440908707087956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400110024864244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447811303930645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22772726906219476,0.0,0.0,0.23542568988271656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802321171224305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323080440305291,0.0,0.18619485926243376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976656982573334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585930862651133,0.2345258317766082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280987769732509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234032614277566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591780819017653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357500547352944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948429714633792,0.0,0.23724746241355146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Crazydunsparce,2018/03/13,"I just want to do crazy shit but I'm not a teenager anymore Im 22, never got over this deep desire, I want to shoplift , I want to just beat some random person walking on the street up, I want to travel to some random city on a bus with nothing and sleep in a bank and just see what happens . really sociopathic terrible shit, I never had that in my adolescence because I lacked any sort of ability to develop an identity beyond what my autistic social skills could allow me to, just a collection of greasy toxic internet cultures, i didn't leave my house from 16 to 18 . I'm self aware enough to realize that I can't act like this , but deep down I'm just some edgy teenager or some shit, it's sad , I genuinely believe I'm stuck at 16 emotionally , I feel so empty , I don't want to grow up to be a 40 year old teenager , I really hope I can die before 30 Because at least it's somewhat more acceptable to be like this than past 40 or so I'm not even a fucking person",5.4450203527815475,4.724505089552245,6.741338760741748,79.27624151967439,67.75621890547264,10.095160560832204,31.7055630936228,9.573946990214177,2.6834835820895524,757,27,159,14,11,259,117,201,0.185,0.703,0.112,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,4,0,8,0,9,5,4,1,2,37,26,8,1,9,11,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,3,0,0,3,1,1,4,7,6,0,0,4,2,17,4,28,19,9,23,0,1,1,1,5,14,4,11,7,98,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630160685713103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044191327965727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726517807646799,0.0,0.12050212101929372,0.15954920901693245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306635254693148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469717999661913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592954167643464,0.0,0.1463239489170313,0.0,0.09353396422168914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160372142685506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309188152331337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326074771518432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522779214536747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065353167798814,0.0,0.16340223722120756,0.0,0.0,0.15296619913225162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499475807143136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836978905063754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844114906140152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358813668786799,0.0,0.14859888389672324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518550704487575,0.0,0.2473017894460489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144165984246452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128471217078992,0.0,0.14773310671756792,0.0,0.4360907241979055,0.0,0.0,0.141715139862761,0.14435648595396305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176346952363827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119404450993017 bpd,JoeyTocz,2018/03/13,"Looking for friends with BPD! Hey! Im a 19 year old male, and have recently been diagnosed with BPD. It has honestly explained so much regarding my feelings, especially when it comes to past relationships. Ive been posting in a few other subreddits for a few days looking for friends with BPD, but so far have only had 3 people message me. I just want to find people to talk who can relate on a personal level, and understand my feelings. If you want to get to know me better, please pm me! I also have social media, so if you want a username just ask!",4.203611111111112,5.581392694444448,5.626851851851857,78.76583333333336,71.12962962962962,8.733333333333334,31.092592592592588,9.188382445141503,2.82395925925926,433,19,81,9,8,146,71,108,0.0,0.83,0.17,0.9373,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,0,0,20,22,10,0,5,5,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,4,10,4,13,19,3,12,0,0,2,0,14,4,0,2,6,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062952025124575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101834262246182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340884832753794,0.0,0.0,0.5699464545150371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993834859846434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728160094748957,0.0,0.0,0.1531030125524025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254204703396002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786825801181388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233082681547771,0.0,0.07880952107606695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293690242394762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289966180619353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533411565708527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108873543299439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582849151194146,0.0,0.0,0.11472330545683075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399722223246808,0.209151828063946,0.13171075624818454,0.0,0.16558090370580694,0.0,0.0,0.14446640929812726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14893979267827065,0.1619495047178608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15376598751603315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124231939049675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15703343947066226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669142750723087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713829078744993 bpd,biologybarista,2018/03/13,"What was I expecting I met my boyfriend online and when he explained his personality disorder to me I thought I understood and could handle it. Apparently, I misunderstood because I thought he would be able to love me and he could accept my love right back. What it has turned into is him telling me he hates my guts and that he wishes he was dead, that I was dead. I know it’s BPD “talking” but it really hurts me and destroys me because I’m not asking for much... just some love ... I feel really alone as he lays on the couch cursing me and telling me he’s leaving in the morning. Even though I know its likely that in a few hours he’ll be crawling back in bed with me only to have it happen all over again 30 minutes later. ",2.926224489795917,4.5433310952380985,4.198384353741496,86.7808418367347,74.78231292517006,7.07687074829932,26.535714285714285,7.793537801064563,1.4319755102040816,569,21,119,8,12,187,89,147,0.14800000000000002,0.763,0.09,-0.8454,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,3,0,11,4,1,0,1,26,29,10,2,5,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,11,8,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,1,23,5,12,16,4,13,0,1,0,3,21,7,0,1,7,79,34,0,0.15586637250852492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143055508037452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571401788180696,0.0,0.0,0.23970323880411826,0.0,0.19002938796366275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963082398134503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24889323097178945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863636652400347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294826903111133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881072120079444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783211845268845,0.0,0.0,0.15388577373739787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349698003109458,0.0,0.16685817547536924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132016414578616,0.0,0.0,0.16503998315899307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614843649308284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220264598552643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457971800844327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854339990047465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360965044281928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970397883106106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310903048288975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252794861090971,0.2724681593218258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313791961282747,0.2474809786580199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695378551336933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923863614476068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072299900535784,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hmm____ass,2018/03/13,"Is compulsive skin picking considered self harm? I constantly pick at my skin (thighs, back, face, and arms) because I think I’m popping a pimple that really isn’t there and now I’m scarring my skin and making myself look like a drug addict when I’m not. I’m really ashamed of my behavior and I always try to cover up my skin. I have bpd, ocd, plus a few other things and I never had the desire to cut myself. But now that I’m 22, I feel like I’m ruining my body by my compulsive picking and I don’t exactly know what to do. Am I self harming if I’m doing it without realizing it? Excuse my ignorance. Does anyone else pick at their skin compulsively (sometimes subconsciously too) or am I alone on this?",2.742529137529136,4.454512384615388,4.983374125874125,80.55916375291376,75.5034965034965,8.403030303030304,25.90268065268065,9.075114841892004,2.1980261072261067,553,20,109,13,12,193,88,143,0.142,0.8009999999999999,0.056,-0.8735,0,1,1,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,1,1,4,0,9,11,9,5,2,25,21,11,0,2,5,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,7,19,2,11,20,1,10,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,2,8,69,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170121955852921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617316960522156,0.0,0.0,0.16563952467832113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919213523604582,0.2039674614347317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307008169635705,0.0,0.12134927373291232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111833862854485,0.2507176661928077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512049124376992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742046983457161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308542887099767,0.0,0.16629476787627193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065415547107047,0.1422133618409217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940190734535142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450796665407075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716597591630888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287863491497934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535325883960225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550545792144122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153401749366992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19688215552632024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225113661691987,0.1275539676054096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515329025033307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189329168099653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,westerstk,2018/03/13,"Depressed and not being taken seriously due to BPD I feel like I am really experiencing a depressive episode, a true one. But I also have BPD, so my doctor thinks it's just a phase, and that it will pass. Btw, getting another doctor is not an option where I live. It's been 5 weeks that I dont do anything AT ALL. I sleep, I watch tv, Im on my computer, that's it. Im about to fail my classes, and Im about 200 hours late on my work contract (I used to take a lot of pride in my work and I loved it)... Im not interested in anything I used to like, including meeting with my friends. I feel like Im sinking, Im getting worse, more suicidal, but for my doctor it's just a phase. Maybe they're waiting for it to last 5 months to be taken seriously? To be honest, I dont know if Ill survive, being depressed for that long and by experience, I know I will be more tempted to attempt suicide. In the meantime I spend my whole days being depressed and watching myself sink, it's painful. ",2.3613349514563104,3.56526604368932,4.55358009708738,85.34745752427186,75.45631067961166,7.285922330097089,27.923543689320393,7.8658589789855275,1.6435737864077669,759,31,165,11,16,264,108,206,0.155,0.7290000000000001,0.116,-0.9198,0,0,0,0,0,1,31.0,0,0,0,6,7,17,0,0,7,0,15,7,1,2,2,27,29,11,2,1,8,0,2,3,1,2,5,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,5,1,1,1,5,8,0,1,3,5,24,9,22,18,5,16,0,5,2,1,3,7,0,3,11,103,36,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505640083859286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841592612742946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447055289404685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23641603623788315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060529187380726636,0.0,0.3233512430509197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881959786586223,0.0,0.0,0.21999645500360346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918089225758924,0.0,0.0,0.09491256371636073,0.13410111787112286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725127113924791,0.0,0.09807150010151394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242899744789644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6082818252576551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316131959987948,0.07650495431825174,0.10587336204030354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375595202105215,0.0,0.08287633735135927,0.08305937584530074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979279327125187,0.08470846912428955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429070523272297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074914755702748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359907798032494,0.0,0.09986912397613004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012638993279116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392352082941202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532589086336075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056783549048694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013896803844643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212244849039625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528541280515512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478658118799154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665619210748126,0.0,0.0956470167044595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bluenagi,2018/03/13,"Is having extreme emotional dependencies on one individual person (aka FPs) exclusive to only those with BPD? Are people with PPD, APD, NPD etc., able to have FPs?",7.1014285714285705,8.965137714285717,8.412857142857145,59.682142857142885,64.71428571428571,11.314285714285715,31.857142857142854,11.20814326018867,4.327228571428572,128,5,19,4,2,44,25,28,0.0,0.883,0.117,0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,12,1,0,0.3682040299676961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637400861511933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141799748061121,0.0,0.0,0.410644823753678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24950457990130484,0.2800357566994745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552663131686212,0.3215015566762882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aSP3CT3R,2018/03/13,"What's the point? I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.... However those processes were grueling and led to... Just a lot of bullying as my entire school learned about ""cutting"" because of me... And I'm 99% sure I was misdiagnosed. When I was 10 a psychiatrist TOLD me my self harm issues were because of my pregnant mother. At 18, when I broke down and begged my mom for help before I killed myself (2009), they told me I was clinically depressed and anxious. Now, at 26, nothing has really gotten better. Self harm is at once every 2-3 year (when I completely snap, last time was just a few months ago), depression and anxiety are constant, and I'm allergic to all the medications they've given me (I either puke or stop breathing). I'm terrified of seeing someone.. Partly because negative mental health marks correlates badly with my profession (that I'm good at and HELPS me) and partly because I just don't trust it. I've been trying for a decade to fix myself.. And its not working. I've narrowed it down to BPD (my own interest/knowledge about psychology with friends of similar diagnoses) or Bi-Polar (I'm not quite random enough to fit Bipolar). So my question is: how did you know to see someone? And how did they convince you that BPD is the cause? I'm so afraid of ""trained professionals"" after a therapist tried to tell me my issues were because my job wasn't good enough that idk if I can even try to fix it anymore.. There's a city on my lungs and I can't fucking breath. 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Any kind of job where I have to be even slightly responsible for someone’s property/health/money/happiness leaves me absolutely drained and broken, it’s a daily struggle that makes me question myself every day on top of personal life problems. You can just imagine how small criticisms leave me. But I need to support myself of course. Do you have BPD and a steady job? How do you do it? Any career suggestions for people like us, specially quiet borderlines? 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I know that is going to be key in recovering from this fucked disorder, but how?",4.768095238095238,7.908449142857144,4.907142857142858,76.50452380952382,75.42857142857143,9.447619047619048,30.76190476190476,9.725611199111238,3.776604761904762,128,6,21,4,3,40,25,28,0.225,0.775,0.0,-0.7171,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,5,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,5,0,4,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758614732859974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379490303776504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838507930629523,0.0,0.0,0.2359708533546205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111187222789319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22818608355163275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4532458494888143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rouxcifer,2018/03/14,"My husband confirmed my greatest fear ... I should say soon to be ex-husband. I had a massive flair up with my bpd that really took a toll on us. After an attempt at suicide, my husband walked out on me and hasn’t looked back. He ignores me constantly but today he decided to inform me that he matched on tinder with my best friend. Nbd, she already told me and she is just looking out for me and sent me screen caps of the convo. He then confirmed my biggest fear. He said he left because I am a bad person and I was terribly abusive. We have had an amazing and extremely close relationship up until last February. I thought I couldn’t be hurt anymore than he had already hurt me by abandoning me but damn ... this is a level of pain I’ve never felt. I am not sure I can ever get over this. My FP killed what was left of me. I no longer believe in true love. ",1.6419731092437004,3.7020360342857153,3.3264201680672265,89.54875630252104,80.08571428571429,5.946218487394957,26.294117647058826,7.048011613610866,1.227319327731092,666,28,138,8,17,221,112,175,0.257,0.609,0.134,-0.9816,0,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,2,0,0,2,4,17,2,2,7,0,16,2,0,0,4,27,26,9,2,2,4,2,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,5,11,0,2,4,0,0,3,5,11,0,0,11,6,29,6,22,11,2,28,0,3,3,1,22,15,1,0,10,96,34,0,0.0,0.16866852352496364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141866633080541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117885104561245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094629390855183,0.11886127273718355,0.08677886633030912,0.0,0.0,0.16038640807601054,0.1493937877396194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929233667339034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383620997717135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876910756441529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32038004400448306,0.0,0.0,0.13668403719810812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998385448776496,0.0,0.0743751087873434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30478997929446866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749576781274127,0.0,0.0,0.11603909992813237,0.0,0.0,0.3093403142254344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390862908820624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848180357814465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979368525179099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514767685317927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429972534621665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119686733888427,0.0,0.0,0.15283701597198432,0.0,0.0,0.13541310843108562,0.11320716585538235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571430491033053,0.0,0.1341687989507653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301472365087567,0.0,0.0,0.13493679614941773,0.13602721155537842,0.15816269933506713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123668103146233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,manicpixie27,2018/03/14,"Songs by P!nk with a BPD feel to them I'm listening to some music now, and 'Don't let me get me' by Pink started playing and it has such true, raw lyrics of how bpd feels like: *Don't let me get me* *I'm my own worst enemy* *It's bad when you annoy yourself* *So irritating* *Don't wanna be my friend no more* *I wanna be somebody else* Also, 'Please don't leave me' is actually a pretty good portrayal of a bpd person in a relationship!",-2.011990846681922,-0.6926277826086942,1.4332036613272336,93.41156750572084,114.86956521739133,4.545537757437071,14.62471395881007,6.339386263674448,-0.2003999999999997,332,9,75,6,19,118,64,92,0.124,0.6759999999999999,0.2,0.6939,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,0,6,8,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,1,1,10,18,6,0,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,5,10,5,10,14,4,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,4,49,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.17418544538211705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427424473219098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490359322283182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6744248969114323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910973152249105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050494661481056,0.12751691754239755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790485249044415,0.0,0.18651261958491047,0.0,0.0,0.14971320061768806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900051221154784,0.0,0.3650466160490182,0.0,0.08720367771388098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585501497749035,0.0,0.19593399174192835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159366183631187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163691107989708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633973308875887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Anxonymxus,2018/03/14,"Does anyone else give off a great impression at first and people love you but later they start not liking you and distancing themselves I'm not professionally diagnosed with BPD, but I fit every single symptom I've seen on most sites. I feel like I can move into a new place and it's like instantly people love me, I'm popular, happy, people always come and try to talk to me and be my friend, etc.. But then after like two months people slowly distance themselves and eventually I'm just like abandoned and nobody cares about me. I don't understand it and I'm so obsessive with this one person and it's so bad that I tried killing myself because they didn't text me back... My mind gets so fucked up so fast and then can just be normal the next day... I'm seriously considering suicide (probably doing it tmr) because I've heard BPD isn't really treatable other than therapy which won't help",4.138596059113301,5.980066948275862,5.261740558292281,79.47517241379313,72.04597701149426,8.189819376026273,25.64696223316913,8.841846274778883,2.0124824302134647,715,23,131,14,14,236,113,174,0.188,0.598,0.214,0.4039,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,2,2,1,8,19,2,1,3,0,9,5,0,0,0,27,26,19,2,1,7,0,1,5,1,1,2,1,0,1,8,14,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,6,0,3,3,3,16,13,12,20,3,22,0,1,1,3,12,8,1,1,17,78,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620908495124977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925085570331809,0.1307851944207339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814948057811528,0.1065764566297094,0.1556198056919222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32152342816926865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014040293502155,0.0,0.0,0.10995302179986496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231908520523938,0.0,0.0,0.12955481625228427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170112714002828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662923093156478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235553000070095,0.0,0.0,0.10754461491853816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454006536111716,0.09118808483843788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857295168843646,0.0,0.0,0.09861655716661896,0.1180037674547104,0.06668812619507243,0.12244666245710012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072670400066056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587819820313124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555631860290004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121791295952038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117992700440421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304053296994409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288829019231089,0.0,0.10188331323588593,0.13566415997705106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232782697840468,0.13574962991025688,0.0,0.12506290186069668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649410550163879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35396595013934845,0.11145282212093996,0.13335962152176115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376205921021848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177128473290708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034627343099697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962057179545576,0.0,0.0,0.13266980533670913,0.0,0.10259449601137252,0.0,0.0,0.1459707348359706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733222467706979,0.0,0.12468852719240113,0.13288071904609042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flclninja,2018/03/14,"What does it mean to lack a sense of self? I've been looking more into what exactly it means, but I still don't really get it. What does it mean to lack a sense of self and how do you make yourself stronger?",2.921333333333333,3.263510911111112,3.895555555555557,93.85000000000002,73.22222222222223,7.777777777777778,23.88888888888889,7.793537801064563,0.7392222222222222,161,4,40,2,3,52,30,45,0.109,0.816,0.075,-0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,11,9,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,5,8,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859238594081519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520268280568448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516532332360755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718614396239296,0.0,0.0,0.7205707629834504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412586005212194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600613094852548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609240047424865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,672-percent-done,2018/03/14,"whenever i mention BPD to someone... (which isn’t often btw as i’m scared to tell people) ....it’s always ‘oh, yeah, my ex had that’ ex. always an ex. real encouraging. 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Example being: burning or cutting external objects instead of burning or cutting themselves? Is this within the realm of borderline behaviour? It seems like ASPD to a degree too.. Doesn't it? ",5.871428571428571,9.516169952380958,6.790761904761907,61.33757142857144,75.66666666666666,9.074285714285717,44.11428571428571,9.3871,6.213051428571429,206,15,22,6,5,68,34,42,0.093,0.848,0.059,0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,20,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6008173831053222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330585022045577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41653445478413453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342808917662656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718064875910693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kalamazoid,2018/03/14,"DAE get triggered by their FP watching porn? This is more under the assumption that your favorite person is also a significant other. I have never felt this way about the topic until I became seriously attached. My insecurities are so amplified that I feel threatened not only by attractive female strangers and celebrities alike, but especially by porn. Finding out my boyfriend has watched porn or that suspecting he has feels like finding out he just cheated on me. I feel like I will never be good enough and that he will never long for me the way he does for the women he gets off to in privacy. I feel like his desire for other people's bodies is just a surefire sign he'll cheat on me eventually. I worry he is thinking about porn and not me during sex. All of this has lead to me desperately trying to control the situation to avoid these feelings I know are out of proportion to the situation. I don't sleep if he's awake, I don't go out if he's home alone, or pretty much go anywhere without him. He tells me he won't do it, but if he's got a hour or two alone he almost always does. He lies about it to prevent me from ruining our week and I know I'm probably only making the act more appealing for him. I'm not religious and I understand the harmless reality of porn. I even used to enjoy it myself. Now if I watch it I just tend to think about him seeing what I'm seeing and how I don't come close to these actresses, which really doesn't make it worth it at that point. I can't afford therapy right now but we are moving to a major city in a few months. All I can think about is him having more alone time with our new schedules and all the beautiful girls who will live there, and it clouds me from seeing any positive aspects of the situation. It's probably the most pathetic part of my BPD right now because it controls my life, yet I know that I will probably never find a guy who doesn't watch porn or ocassionally check out or flirt with another girl. Can anyone relate or have suggestions for working through it? 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Every time I have a relationship fall apart, regardless of if it’s a friend or if it’s a partner, they end up replacing me with their “soulmate” of a person. I am so difficult to be around because of my disassociating and impulsive tendencies that I holding down anything is almost impossible,and having them find a forever person to replace me is making me want to kill myself. ",7.839605263157897,7.3218716447368415,9.20947368421053,62.876315789473715,62.81578947368421,12.336842105263159,38.73684210526316,11.698219412168324,4.8296947368421055,319,15,54,9,4,112,55,76,0.107,0.78,0.113,-0.1384,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,3,0,2,3,1,0,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,13,10,5,1,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,1,10,9,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,4,2,43,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28053491746558196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054382020561104,0.2493974825686039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077998100169656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481343111597832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604279944909445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560567344619632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644717630234284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30995016842612577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18700574011063695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892413471349704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007817892515501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951210991413385,0.0,0.0,0.1633607226996805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652427678468747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whitelist_ip,2018/03/14,"I (28M) keep splitting on my FP (22F) who also happens to be my ex She just told me yesterday that I have become too much to handle and that she wants me to not depend on her emotionally as much because it is draining her. I hate myself but I can't find any other healthy outlet where I can put my energy into so i don't just burst on her like every other day. ",3.277692307692309,3.4097329230769264,5.470923076923079,83.62407692307694,72.33333333333333,7.778461538461538,24.57435897435897,7.554174236665415,1.0842174358974357,280,7,61,3,5,99,58,78,0.031,0.846,0.123,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,11,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,17,1,8,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,3,48,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062576698499475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761179806426334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817741720713586,0.30469418035728313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792351140803309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31033438109597045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324456773495969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521546144209876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24396489340894634,0.0,0.0,0.27238010130334195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24521996677936314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478386170687573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056155996811751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27734141961529074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26362069564490376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627245871889965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lazybirdbaby,2018/03/14,"Playing a situation or conversation in your head over and over again Oh my god, I hate it. A few hours ago (so I've been replaying this conversation in my head for a solid three to four hours in my head) I had a conversation with my friend on the phone and we disagreed. Reasonably okay for people to disagree, things ended fine because it's no big deal but it is a big deal. What's going through my head is that; what she thinks of me, what I could've said differently, why I thought the way I did, how wrong I am, how I came off and so on. I feel like I need to talk about it but it's ridiculous to bring it up to my friend so I'm talking about it here. I feel crazy ",2.1313986013986046,3.22229206993007,3.6730069930069966,91.88335664335665,75.85314685314684,7.158041958041958,23.48951048951049,7.686295010490155,0.725033566433567,518,15,126,7,11,172,84,143,0.126,0.753,0.121,-0.4126,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,0,0,9,9,2,0,7,1,6,4,4,3,0,17,17,11,0,1,3,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,0,5,1,0,3,1,3,0,2,6,3,20,6,21,11,1,20,0,0,0,0,14,11,0,1,6,84,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016041995651104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950928886813114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794018976868794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723584623993215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30276099588694644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341138402096813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130052278993257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848843508808374,0.10489899522550378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226888804117448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344974763563746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496922104270002,0.6027805282861757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892059101640897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173619272214082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887633543511813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179694139712588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509708956178476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967376564881695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504875804979646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604091622995624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755068840903937,0.0940859766313728,0.0,0.11657063491834405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655083493242775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249580168271666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054108606006964,0.0,0.0 bpd,NapoleonBonapartist,2018/03/14,"BPD mother please comment Struggled years with my BPD single (never met dad) mother who will emotionally and physically abandon me a lot, blame me of being her enemy constantly and then whenever I make the mistake of engaging at all, she just attacks and attacks and threatens even more. I have learned to just ignore her. When I do, she becomes timid, sweet and kind. But it's a really exhausting, annoying balance. Can you people please comment? And before any BPD people think I'm insulting them I'm not. please comment",3.8373017408123777,6.945977797872343,4.815067698259188,75.76136363636364,79.53191489361703,7.673500967117988,29.822050290135394,8.575989854853784,3.1455021276595736,419,20,64,10,11,136,69,94,0.3,0.5670000000000001,0.133,-0.957,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,4,13,4,2,3,0,5,1,0,1,2,20,10,9,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,1,1,12,3,5,7,4,6,0,1,0,0,15,1,0,1,5,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041020406109212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483091995228485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690687167051206,0.13026279732448456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5784099898979154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16542889731519178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219835147441934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111021881859401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594129252066571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014613132675956,0.0,0.0,0.10218443591142362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180674451487744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225767052193456,0.0,0.0,0.5041191926770903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806922053468584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003612933840108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808973606902596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858076552275016 bpd,chinakat,2018/03/14,"Positive Posts: Tell me something good going on in your life! Hey guys, scrolling through the sub I noticed sad post after sad post. I know this is a sub for a mental illness so we're bound to have that issue, but looking through all of it with no good thing in sight can be really hard, and maybe not the best thing to see for people who have just been diagnosed and are looking for answers, help, and hope. So on that note, I thought we could share a few things that are going well for us! I'll start: I moved at the beginning of this year and, while challenging, have made a few good new friends and have been using my coping skills from DBT to great success. What's going on with you guys?",5.623111510791368,5.423519755395689,5.1934442446043185,88.77491456834534,67.27338129496403,8.388848920863309,28.885791366906474,7.6454224807358475,1.4431215827338115,542,16,118,5,8,165,94,139,0.092,0.657,0.252,0.9831,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,2,2,0,4,4,13,0,0,7,0,12,3,0,2,1,20,25,9,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,11,8,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,2,1,0,4,5,10,11,21,19,4,19,0,2,4,0,12,6,0,1,6,78,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474912390877132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11221217330264337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264821696374194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858319628602066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396215281609612,0.35364247644016583,0.0,0.1549491866499758,0.0,0.2783193915338146,0.0,0.0,0.1258989493461165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420303043708984,0.0,0.0,0.13959094033503944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669040901352032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772387737276118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992696983854061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360414969365489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298521310091574,0.0,0.0,0.1411943638242437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416343180884032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937499883389296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573733407814825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16000917107963267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743484093044008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038041189518441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003546377827526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199459868076317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819689074549636,0.0,0.0,0.09947707995011093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284080283701394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801116323537606,0.0,0.0,0.11157546694963803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905596038984425,0.12138405328357922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263650624396348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905051033858169 bpd,ShackledOrphan,2018/03/14,"If I suffer from Manic OCD Depression Anxiety, Panic Attacks, & Suicidal Ideology can I call myself an optimist? As the title states I suffer from some major mental illnesses. I see the Ferrari of therapists and psychiatrists every two weeks and have been for a good part of 2 years now. Been dealing/suffering since '09. On a waiting list for Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TSM). I've admitted myself into the Behavioral Health Unit (same hospital I work at) 2x in the past 8 months. So the question is, can I truely call myself or tell other people that I'm optimistic? I've always considered myself to be an optimist 99% of the time, even in my darkest hours of my OCD suicidal thoughts. I'm asking because the more I think about it the more it sounds hypocritical. Pessimistic people actually get on my nerves, I can't deal with that mentality even though I have a hard time seeing the good in life. What are y'alls thoughts?",6.29780701754386,7.842945637426903,7.2189619883040965,68.68703947368421,66.30994152046786,10.846198830409355,32.96345029239766,10.864195022040775,4.110348538011697,748,32,121,22,12,250,116,171,0.226,0.688,0.086,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,6,7,1,1,14,0,10,3,0,1,0,15,21,7,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,4,17,2,19,16,6,16,0,3,2,0,8,7,0,4,8,81,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.1378401468337214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753176072736155,0.15304489600101825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805627289701096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205018309977265,0.16069287551129213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610501528855455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884651786284518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145623099620587,0.12165887909122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658929282136302,0.0,0.11900966808935053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379757480175067,0.0,0.0,0.23694849487358124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265327352105066,0.0,0.0,0.15014271386807967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910332453264193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976943036828367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846946342360941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127448296805053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572706906531268,0.0,0.15296056498302835,0.13483961879032408,0.1958506721741677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823292625752974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22511677775676492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684390245613854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090103194922181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345919373553045,0.0,0.0,0.16400275838591566,0.0,0.09050763958384342,0.13877793377981462,0.2242742944059789,0.16472864609893093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798124849819599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330265932953434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283207199579256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096071366278118 bpd,antipepp,2018/03/14,"Any help for impulsive spending? Hey, usually when I'm getting bad (which has been constant recently so this happens a lot) I will go out and buy anything and everything I want. I kind of separate from the experience to justify it in the moment, but come to and realize I had more of this shit I don't need and have $500 less than before. I'm running out of money and it's to the point where I'm nervous about groceries. Does anyone have any advice to stop this? please help ",2.350833333333334,4.454804916666667,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333337,77.95833333333334,7.6,27.333333333333336,8.515128840125781,2.127945833333333,376,16,75,8,9,126,69,96,0.14400000000000002,0.757,0.099,-0.7537,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,4,0,7,1,1,0,0,14,16,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,14,13,3,14,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,1,6,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209525033945724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291620744061573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499247959465058,0.0,0.17644626725316595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902857498672448,0.0,0.0,0.1824523979375428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470057488125133,0.0,0.23170774483012746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876370659025608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927034593985504,0.2097401917135941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120236173991031,0.0,0.12185767051303335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896075419426705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874373249958018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232814822311957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822889898772224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898689913417102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353646050891945,0.20269261914750225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21171013505320235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009515316743716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926154828467894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361491572912643,0.0,0.12646823302901486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yuriuwu,2018/03/14,Any of you wanted to cheat on you partner? I want to cheat on my partner for more attention. He is nice to me and of course I haven’t but the urge is there. Do you guys experience this?,-1.258416666666669,0.7815713250000016,1.1700000000000017,98.54833333333332,98.25,4.666666666666667,16.666666666666668,6.42735559955562,-0.3570833333333332,143,4,35,2,6,48,30,40,0.108,0.8170000000000001,0.075,-0.3204,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,8,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,0,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492504561069371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023775510596922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5085226803509052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6058428828244941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonbleh,2018/03/14,"Recovery/stability conflict (TL;DR) As a bit of background info I'm female, 22, have struggled with mental health since 10 years old and was diagnosed with BPD at 20 but also high anxiety, depression and have experienced psychotic episodes from periods of cannabis use. I've been in and out of services since i was 16, never receiving purposeful support until a year ago when I moved city and gained support from a different community mental health team. Throughout this year things have (overall) massively improved and have currently been stable for 2 months, gained two jobs in the sector I want to work in and I'm top of my class at university. I've also been taking quetiapine (seroquel) since August 17. Every time I have a period of true stability (not BPD highs and not necessarily symptom free) I question whether it is the life I want, of course it is, but I miss the grasps of illness. A huge part of this is missing the attention and worry from people when my mood is erratic or I'm experiencing a prolonged low. I am a secret attention seeker and I know I can manipulate people's worry and push it to the absolute boundaries with professionals. I have never exaggerated or lied, but 12 years of illness has lead me to learn how to say things and to keep up the suspense. I am so self aware and my anxiety and insecurities about how I portray myself mask everything going on. I analyse every detail of my thought processes and have always been high functioning. (/TL;DR) In a nutshell what I'm trying to say is that I am in relatively early stages of recovery/learning to cope, admitting that I am a secret manipulative attention seeker, I miss people worrying about me, and am really struggling with the security of illness over the uncertainty of stability.",7.887628309905196,8.474442444099385,8.792765609676362,62.20795521412226,62.4472049689441,12.12056227525335,38.06538084341288,11.723238792162213,5.006829813664595,1425,68,224,43,19,485,176,322,0.173,0.733,0.095,-0.98,3,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,6,10,14,0,3,17,0,25,8,0,6,3,53,43,30,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,10,20,0,3,12,1,1,5,4,8,0,1,7,4,24,6,43,36,2,41,0,5,0,0,9,17,0,3,18,153,34,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952416289919699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16152806260372296,0.08403423068092156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451867149700746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025815220219012,0.0,0.2543941880725064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698508596029124,0.10250572556731884,0.0,0.1055161449100518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701818442876806,0.0,0.09076595777435208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739662490122425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470158149877056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201138122098688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021992644878223,0.08976718061293765,0.0,0.0,0.05550308802591795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133431231342623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203554293911356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061161482495457,0.10733953051076356,0.0,0.0,0.15578398906138546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059751196281896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936553084306416,0.0,0.21004740075334472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313522527146955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469867438811386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606273060863275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535767999656956,0.0,0.0,0.250627253226516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115953335709786,0.0,0.0,0.22921122178353698,0.0,0.10497035193529164,0.07593413500754734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13419046624123598,0.0,0.0,0.0801771269113873,0.0588898054464814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856758851632049,0.0,0.09865544423210193,0.0,0.0,0.08722548882120276,0.0,0.0,0.11913652546493755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352407558614778,0.3076897507371332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601446127424488 bpd,beaell,2018/03/15,"CFT Hi, I'm just diagnosed and have been referred for group CFT (Compassion Focussed Therapy). I've done some research and reading but I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with this? I'd never heard of it before today. I'm unbelievably scared of group therapy and am feeling really rotten right now so really hoping this helps. 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Have been having serious issues with insomnia lately, and due to past drug abuse issues, I'm severely limited in what I can use to help. Anyway, got some blood work done, and lo and behold I have low T as well as low estrogen. Low E in men can cause irritability, rapid mood swings, etc. The low E is caused by the low T, so I'm hoping to vet on testosterone replacement therapy. Unfortunately the nearby clinic that readily prescribes it can't get me in for a month. My question is have any of you fellow BPD guys started TRT and noticed any improvements in rapid mood cycling?",4.17927203065134,5.828542137931037,5.509080459770118,78.52174329501919,71.58620689655173,8.948659003831418,27.54406130268199,9.444778638647367,2.506832567049809,472,17,89,11,9,158,82,116,0.203,0.7170000000000001,0.079,-0.9166,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,3,10,0,0,4,0,11,5,1,3,0,12,18,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,3,0,5,2,15,15,2,16,0,5,0,0,7,11,0,3,5,47,8,1,0.0,0.19221665413574526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309669778290522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086473557401836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333310892847116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601816107033968,0.0,0.0,0.18813591414428849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809299286245264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475875796689075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975057772942208,0.0,0.0,0.16063373407281026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873970697256176,0.0,0.0,0.1611315249374419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33865305644212346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18300310812063447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949086411822805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470053771509293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486740105076965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173532578927887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327432583761366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114827606649926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185524753657352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401150931552344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586473277451228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181057605881989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,d_miller1979,2018/03/15,"struggling with symptoms.... does anybody else in here get told (not ""accused"", it just gets pointed out) that they have ""an attitude"", that they're yelling, or being shitty somehow when not only is it not intentional, but you're entirely unaware you're doing it?",4.262608695652176,7.314693956521745,4.415391304347828,79.79265217391305,76.82608695652175,6.288695652173913,33.11304347826087,7.554174236665415,2.7519356521739127,206,11,32,3,5,64,37,46,0.146,0.8540000000000001,0.0,-0.7040000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,10,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281018285512132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132040521112966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917685829584869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28514947304244703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35442794128248256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919559232109075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896935226977581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35825956280089244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rudegothdad,2018/03/15,"FP advice? hello all! i just today found out about the concept of having a favorite person and it shed so much light on a very complicated relationship i've been having. i'd been feeling so stressed about my overwhelming emotions towards a person i started hanging out with a few months ago and when i read about FPs today it all clicked into place. i want to talk to my FP about it so he understands more where i'm coming from when i am overwhelmingly enthusiastic or clingy or split on him, etc. he does not have BPD but he has general anxiety and depression and is not necessarily a stranger to the mental health world, but to my knowledge he doesn't have any experience with mood / personality disorders. i guess what i'm wondering is if anyone has any advice for approaching this subject with him, or knows of any good articles i could send him and just be like ""look read this and get back to me,"" lol. thank you in advance!!! i am relatively new to this sub and don't post often but always greatly appreciate the feedback and just reading about your experiences. 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I know it's really our choice and if you don't want to share you don't have to. However my new partner has been really supportive and wants to understand. At the moment he knows I have a mental health problems but I haven't gone into specifics. For the usual reasons we don't tell people... Firstly, I don't want to come across as attention-seeking, needy or dramatic. Secondly, I don't want to scare him off. Thirdly, although it does affect me daily I am in a better place than I was when I was diagnosed. I don't know if it's appropriate to say I have this condition and make him worry unnecessarily. So all the standard BPD overthinking! What do you guys think? And also inviting people to share their stories as I'd love to hear how things have gone telling people and how you felt when you told people. ",3.2978571428571435,5.112996880952384,4.612619047619049,83.36571428571429,74.23809523809524,7.895238095238096,25.690476190476193,8.634040054169528,1.835090476190476,668,23,132,13,14,221,99,168,0.098,0.7909999999999999,0.111,0.7957,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,6,1,2,9,7,0,1,5,0,18,3,0,5,1,30,36,20,0,7,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,6,8,0,0,7,0,0,3,7,2,0,3,7,3,23,5,18,29,1,17,0,0,0,1,23,6,0,3,8,92,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060071508588724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172374049163948,0.0,0.0,0.3339061044616402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418758935243233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454429823468322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160030186281342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727714761744136,0.0,0.0,0.11275436926823852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125396172508466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090370783072886,0.14940329793788373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21855239754585465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196394093662092,0.0,0.08848396689469913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358799947703345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25605205233561645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675980695903448,0.0,0.1384956361294052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268407810676673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698410053504046,0.13629242939860345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541600508217283,0.13271439171577942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042605089472447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475864605407314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806611538179412,0.08493826757105154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126665526128917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799828991429808,0.0,0.0,0.14599468905840987,0.0,0.3127462417164519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461980248034974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hidden_specter,2018/03/15,"Can you tell me about your experiences with BPD? Whether this is of yourself or watching someone who has it, I want to hear your stories and start some conversation. :)",6.950999999999998,8.294050100000002,5.993333333333332,78.81000000000002,64.66666666666666,8.666666666666668,38.33333333333333,8.841846274778883,3.333333333333334,133,7,24,2,2,40,29,30,0.0,0.867,0.133,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,4,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,1,19,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.508106945575082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946327158588991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.454695810347385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418255913366459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855503830529431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35261628429616243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379539270101729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PixieFriend,2018/03/15,"I just want to say hi and hope to make friends! I realized after my husband recently left me abruptly with no warning for the new year 2 weeks ahead of my bday to boot that pulling together my older medical info from prior to our marriage that I was diagnosed as BPD but never informed. I was then switched to the husband's insurance within a week or so of this diagnosis, so it makes sense..... kind of? It would of saved me so much grief had I simply known this one fact as it led to the breakdown of our marriage. Now that we are getting divorced, I keep finding out thing after thing and it is devastating, but I am happy to be on the right meds finally and am also doing well as a happy, albeit underweight, 31 year old woman. If anyone wants to chat/connect, I am here :). Nice to discover this sub and fellow BPD friends!",6.292181322426723,5.868510269938652,7.037750511247445,76.86326516700753,65.93251533742331,9.943830947511929,34.67552828902522,9.444778638647367,3.1198035446489434,646,27,124,11,9,215,110,163,0.077,0.758,0.165,0.9439,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,3,0,0,1,8,10,0,0,6,0,11,2,0,3,2,28,18,16,1,5,5,2,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,1,12,7,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,1,1,1,3,1,16,9,26,13,1,24,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,3,17,92,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570372541670052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099099753381678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395947263275524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954319481891585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219250851053994,0.14366759987687924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24288715846373998,0.0,0.08212459418668118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33466053172968324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15612382028223742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397165154005877,0.0,0.16368781461778092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17078595369844604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098493203183895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460118062177954,0.15835105147598452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555176139177008,0.0,0.12123359538665902,0.1518138003823402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649430708696793,0.0,0.10651511324645573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520485171005471,0.0,0.0,0.13423826831477556,0.0,0.12500274226798433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885834015492696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542790451074334,0.0,0.2521745448331197,0.0,0.14133149508791634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166232369943092,0.0,0.0,0.2024487042170279 bpd,m-m0216,2018/03/15,"So group chat? I know there's loads of these posts in this sub.. but seeing as reddit is trying a new chat system maybe we could have a BPD group chat on reddit.. anyone up for that? Edit: sorry everyone but we have decided we've reached a nice capacity as a group and will not be adding anymore redditors!",1.458290398126465,3.9377743606557374,3.0905386416861838,88.4260655737705,84.08196721311475,6.108665105386418,18.550351288056206,7.447530270364453,0.5535039812646372,240,6,48,4,7,79,48,61,0.025,0.873,0.102,0.6707,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,9,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,7,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,0,1,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117539150715748,0.21980307349329956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959168635123797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509854590144959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30037796344551354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276030315763227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158100513667953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30360428905627024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010634799064332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504988089057308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35189268209479485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134251948889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,raiden6312,2018/03/15,"Is it ever possible to forget the past? Hi, lurker and first time poster, I was just wondering if it was ever possible to forgive yourself for something you've done, everyone always talks about it and ""forgiveness is key"" or whatever, however I find it impossible to let go of anything wrong doing I've done in the past, I still find myself holding on things even 13 years ago. Everytime I remember I'm struck with a mix of intense guilt and intense anger at myself; even so far as hitting myself in the face in shame from what I can only observe as an intense facepalm. **TL;DR** Is self forgiveness possible? If so, how?",2.514468864468866,5.3341098547008565,4.108601953601955,80.49096153846156,82.93162393162393,7.445421245421247,28.015262515262517,8.418075326091056,2.7088954822954827,491,23,84,12,14,163,80,117,0.134,0.7829999999999999,0.083,-0.8496,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,1,2,5,0,10,1,1,1,2,20,14,11,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,7,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,4,0,8,3,16,8,0,16,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,4,9,61,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812531729216276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965499369454814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822685150275015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189165862123029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058357114239337,0.28189681140343625,0.0,0.14889299897640382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848339099859696,0.13254068965026958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855628211690275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933684043160878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850837941603548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974962651089556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269920152155464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651405394156927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255458311381601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995809960689775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443831358315975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524247562772475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352010075773764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086008513397603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689804966401989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703650653392523,0.0,0.10034318114026132 bpd,ifidietomorrow,2018/03/15,"My mom is having a hard time understanding what it means to have some days better than not... Before I rant, I want to say for the record I do not know if I have BPD, YET! My first doctor's appointment was today to look into it. Working on seeing a psychiatrist next. But the symptoms match up, and the research I've done so far makes me feel confident that I do have BPD. Just got off the phone with my mom. Today was my first step towards picking up the rest of my life. I've told my mom before that I have depression at least; not knowing it goes a lot deeper than that. Some days I would be fine at work, home, etc. Some days there would be tears flowing from my eyes as I continued to push through the day; arguing with myself over suicide or the mess I've made of my life. No one would notice. I keep to myself and make no friends wherever I go anyways. My mom doesn't know any of this. She thinks I'm a smart guy, was honor roll throughout high school, hardly ever missed a day, never complained, has great manners. Yada yada. She thinks I'm ""normal"" (that I don't have ANYTHING wrong with me). So after my MD appointment, I called her, having not spoken for a few weeks (we are fine, I just don't reach out to anyone...) and informed her of my new medication and of the fact I would be going to see a psychiatrist. And... she just doesn't get it. I try explaining I have mood swings, some days I can't even function at work, that I have ""bad thoughts"" but it doesn't get through. She says she has problems too at work when she wants to go home or quit. She says ""everyone has these problems."" I try telling her it is a little more (more like it is way more) severe for me, and it isn't something like that. But she will go back and harp on how everyone feels like quitting some days and that I just need to power through. I wish she would step down from her pedestal and realize I'm actually in pain. But I don't want to scare her with suicidal thoughts. I don't normally get that bad anymore, smoking pot helps whisk away those thoughts. But she makes it hard to share any information with her, good or bad. She lectures me on how to do everything and I'll just smile and nod. It's a mother's concern, can't get mad at that. When I try to bring up any mental health issues though is when I can't stand the lecture. She doesn't know I have a lot of dark thoughts or that I used to/occasionally will harm myself due to my mental health. It feels like throwing a stone at a brick wall. I'm not going to get it down until I bring out a boulder. I'm hoping I can have a solid diagnosis soon to bring to her. More ground to stand on. She is a logical woman, so hopefully an actual diagnosis vs my word will bring her around and she can stop brushing off my mental health like it is just inside my head. Technically it is, mom. But I'm not like everyone else. I need you to know that. Question for anyone reading/willing to answer. Of course each patient is different and things can vary, but does someone have a ballpark of when I might be able to have a solid diagnosis? Like does it take years of talking with a psychiatrist or is it more like in a few months? Thanks for reading. End rant",3.202099215070646,4.438847021538464,4.161007849293565,88.85717582417584,73.4,7.2138147566719,24.80376766091052,7.6729893032291185,1.0406976452119312,2484,75,541,31,49,803,274,650,0.094,0.778,0.128,0.9674,2,0,1,0,0,1,88.0,1,1,0,11,26,36,2,1,29,0,61,11,2,8,3,113,120,38,2,18,26,6,6,8,1,9,9,3,2,2,32,25,0,2,23,1,0,14,21,15,0,3,11,14,77,20,77,96,18,80,0,2,4,0,49,31,0,17,40,356,109,10,0.05706552529007735,0.0,0.1113754417642564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641954217248986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659366712368796,0.07980308424474714,0.0,0.0469600650158622,0.050800416102105325,0.0,0.0,0.053614939492249665,0.043879866503410525,0.14294198996589247,0.0,0.0,0.09711711789463473,0.0,0.0,0.05046981973834953,0.0,0.0,0.14374406285887376,0.0,0.058270281629388715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576178002928663,0.0,0.04915045331341029,0.0,0.0,0.05962132815020755,0.0,0.05840898320774386,0.09987685147827093,0.058397845098947014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047670923891589695,0.0,0.05054311746173625,0.0,0.06364314528879761,0.03769124125630918,0.051619034687854316,0.0,0.1635856647120903,0.05128681452440936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656213264154572,0.08153524533892471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707981331960536,0.0,0.0,0.044088683281957794,0.0,0.14907190835683612,0.0,0.16215826548948664,0.04786385515780772,0.04564051360941973,0.06291494309131196,0.0,0.05650384186628207,0.0,0.0,0.15335850554530406,0.0,0.05856569235206412,0.18197395463725788,0.0,0.0,0.03824981871229178,0.06029286058371512,0.11448274940895667,0.1133578853444482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059561582313916235,0.0,0.050722460880325934,0.0,0.0,0.15680860153505613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061413628092126,0.22303466532568206,0.057194647992061816,0.0,0.0,0.047920668923864214,0.0,0.0,0.09703013783825584,0.0,0.053996779816148935,0.11427504375657788,0.0,0.0,0.06216108637288555,0.0,0.05748751313200385,0.17252588261282212,0.060537504342588325,0.0,0.33417226761759755,0.045549157849671416,0.0,0.0,0.08462672785589387,0.04401245108175099,0.05511423992295239,0.06068983354026671,0.0,0.1118241972520458,0.0,0.06496947877050803,0.0,0.0,0.03866907680395894,0.0,0.06072174232733017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920800167014624,0.0,0.0,0.06392644838387537,0.12139242096069795,0.05708096803166105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614238845942395,0.05713254597674415,0.0577533581765517,0.09094767071545176,0.0,0.0,0.0644678005218011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835143439365354,0.043931829337620236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770933436757981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484084511559802,0.0,0.0,0.05931293077577737,0.042906173125889666,0.04586710762448495,0.04987778436836998,0.05253826869198485,0.0,0.0,0.03791179932330867,0.07313056880192323,0.05606658886000363,0.18121461119716387,0.033275366705442164,0.0,0.10818289095651927,0.0545285549040301,0.0,0.11623123737750875,0.0,0.0,0.05940722435081086,0.0,0.04928629165237608,0.0,0.0,0.1009761759985974,0.045295957793700485,0.04577452224827714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656225378140393,0.0,0.0,0.16617752823320914,0.0,0.0,0.2026885593808208,0.062392193608460475,0.0,0.03674832732007028 bpd,GenderLoopholes,2018/03/15,"What do 'normal' people feel as a sense of identity? Lack of a sense of self / identity is listed as a big part of BPD, but I am wondering how healthy people are supposed to be identifying themselves?",7.405789473684213,6.780306421052632,8.277894736842107,69.55526315789477,63.73684210526316,11.810526315789476,37.42105263157895,11.20814326018867,4.318378947368422,156,7,28,4,2,53,29,38,0.044,0.852,0.104,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,7,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,7,6,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,21,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44086195218173135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699027017128716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429639661019818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790581993573105,0.0,0.4853460311518597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3651670883879418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796024373501976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lovelyobsesssion,2018/03/15,"Living with BPD I always knew something was wrong with me but it wasn’t til recently I was diagnosed with BPD. I’m in this on an off roller coaster relationship because I’m overly attached and don’t want to be alone. I’m terrified all the time of my boyfriend leaving me one day. He first found out I had a problem when he went through my diary one day. Finding out I’m constantly in pain. I’m constantly thinking about ending my pain.. this had to have been about 4 months into our relationship. He told me to get help or he was going to break up with me. Of course I wanted to get help even if it would destroy my plan to join the navy. Because I can’t lose him. It’s the scariest thing in the world to me. There I was diagnosed with major depression and medicated. After he threatened to leave me if I didn’t get help, I panicked and I clung on to him and would constantly ask if we were going to stay together. Naturally it was always on my mind... well that pushed him away further. He ended up breaking up with me because of it. I thought it was because of the medication I was on making me worse... well it wasn’t. It was the fact that I was losing him that was making me worse. I was putting in so much effort. So much energy in not losing him but ultimately that’s what pushed him out in the first place. I went to his house after he broke up with me in so much pain begging for his help. Begging for him to give me another chance. Blamed it on my medication. I seriously thought that was the reason why. He declined and started shutting his door on me. I pushed his door open and shoved past him so I could get inside. I just wanted to talk. I just wanted to get better. Well he put his arm around me and dropped me to the ground. Threw a picture frame across the living room and told me that “you’re the reason men murder their wives”. And was calling base police to get me escorted off his property. (He’s in the navy, base housing) I was living with him before this, was the day after our breakup. Was my home basically too. But my name wasn’t on the lease. It didn’t matter. I was crying.. he didn’t care. He was just so ready to get out. So I left.. in plans to kill myself. The biggest thing about me is my fear of being without my loved one. It’s the only thing that makes me somewhat comfortable with life and I lost it because of my BPD. I went into the woods near his house. I wrapped a thick vine around my neck several times and choked myself out. I woke up to the vine loosened. I just laid there for hours. It was cold and dark and I just wanted to lay there till I withered away and the pain wasn’t there anymore. I was underneath some kind of bush. I’m no real sure how to describe it but I notice a bird fly in it right above me and then I noticed it had a nest up there and was feeding its babies. Later a cat came up to me and licked my leg and when I went to pet it, it ran off. It was actually kind of peaceful out there. Cold, lonely, but peaceful. I turned my phone on and a thousand phone calls and texts from my family, my ex, and the state police. I didn’t know why he was texting me still. I didn’t know why he even cared that I was gone. So he called me again and I picked up and he told me everything was going to be ok. To just come back home. He said the police wasn’t there anymore. That they were going to search for me tomorrow. He said my family is worried sick. Eventually he convinced me to come out of the woods. It was dark and I cut myself up on thrones on the way back. They knew vaguely where I was because they did a missing person on me and tapped my phone. When I came out of the woods all I see is red and blue flashing lights and police officers. At that point my heart sunk. I knew something was going to happen. They ended up taking me to the hospital where I got diagnosed with PTSD and BPD. They put me on so much medication that all I did was sleep. I was there for about a week. I had bruises all around my neck from the vine I choked on. I called him while I was in the hospital and told him what was wrong with me. I kind of hoped he still loved me but he was cold and told me he was glad I was ok but he never wanted to hear from me again. So I didn’t contact him until I got drunk a couple weeks later and called him on his birthday. I didn’t even remember it. He said all I said was happy birthday over and over in a slurred voice. About a month later we started hooking up because I love sex. It’s something that helps me feel better. But mostly to do it with the person I love and care about. He ended up getting overly jealous because he wanted me to be only his and he wasn’t sure if we were just hooking up that he’d be my only partner so we made it an official relationship again. (Even tho I learned after he was still going out dating other people). I have a hard time trusting anyone. So I find everything out. We have arguments every day. I don’t mean to and I don’t like it but I know I cause it. Me and him have been together for almost two years now. Well on Dec. 7th 2017 he got drunk and hit me so hard he split my lip in half and my whole vision went black.. I needed stitches in my mouth and my lip. He feels really bad and refuses to drink now. I lied to the hospital to save his career in the navy. Since then all he wants to do it work through my illness. He has become more educated, aware and understanding of me. I’m still working on myself but really hard to get past all this . So much ups and downs throughout one day with me. People wonder why I still stay with him after he hit me but it’s because I’m so scared of being alone. I’m so scared of him leaving me and it feels like the end of the world when he’s gone. He’s my best friend. ",1.2252705658856726,3.1702582863105206,2.8479422600886544,93.03881051752924,80.91151919866445,5.733705601289506,20.51122560589488,6.8039241337230125,0.22925154567958075,4449,122,996,48,116,1463,393,1198,0.133,0.759,0.108,-0.9891,0,4,4,0,2,2,119.0,7,0,6,14,71,56,5,3,47,2,85,32,9,9,11,171,185,86,2,18,25,2,7,2,2,2,14,6,6,4,53,82,4,1,22,4,0,25,21,25,4,9,93,22,179,31,167,80,19,183,0,8,4,5,119,89,0,11,64,681,232,4,0.0,0.0,0.038061350156654135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905592020027706,0.08079079337233913,0.0,0.0,0.06490732348056114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089809824908355,0.0,0.0,0.07736108955161437,0.027271839149688414,0.0,0.0,0.1041629498247156,0.036462586355727605,0.0,0.07328929801101787,0.059981875262901586,0.03256591726146466,0.213983073232332,0.043075803974425536,0.03318872250326767,0.0,0.04093129426320948,0.06899005565232331,0.0,0.0,0.1964919024426273,0.0,0.19913237224391286,0.08921819643363828,0.11929862546699138,0.04006687582852038,0.0,0.06719534733685742,0.0,0.1264453216064202,0.0,0.031140761402331824,0.043156132537754716,0.04284301854866122,0.1257687017662578,0.0,0.03359326947281053,0.11876182302311687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038208139996553835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17272562615661174,0.0,0.0,0.1030445856695644,0.0,0.032861751479706165,0.0,0.0701068521071182,0.0,0.07353720796960184,0.04388927429855159,0.05916334137197503,0.02786378643078449,0.0,0.0,0.07129616147777328,0.06635194813810283,0.0,0.04276483073772466,0.0301336593733532,0.0,0.1833973526426001,0.037415279177228984,0.13299799149593422,0.0,0.09358290529583306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03449026795589796,0.041519471562976966,0.1048172143984128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04395927155981357,0.046218801573946484,0.13071461000519238,0.0,0.07824647773561866,0.03873882876483063,0.03841014729459312,0.1350128477824753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315109560505378,0.12184702263698695,0.06430516813464822,0.0,0.0,0.1238957938068214,0.04237692751690319,0.0,0.027549007393020117,0.038109839833458316,0.0,0.10332122210986547,0.0,0.0,0.1309033077418884,0.04257643601523527,0.0,0.1408071001959139,0.03690562859026557,0.07810451542436804,0.0,0.0,0.042485755155329326,0.0,0.15716587659127282,0.0,0.0,0.03938196158114169,0.0,0.062263724167366225,0.0,0.143358646039346,0.02892026707604735,0.030081556316892605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088810460970875,0.0,0.0,0.10571790327604344,0.08899073030733329,0.166007978795509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744656482695032,0.05407960730794461,0.06811191699416072,0.04074988546098147,0.0,0.03687048877620012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03732065099480378,0.045592477795772746,0.11762651270196735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044394009304403126,0.049972704613885435,0.08020326188476629,0.0385108061216895,0.12562403637486233,0.04418285201201784,0.033308391253382134,0.1484033271302819,0.0,0.07809771358266787,0.0,0.031080380793100593,0.0,0.0,0.04406234427663702,0.0,0.032263725679411805,0.0,0.03903121714068322,0.0,0.0,0.09007935930691832,0.0,0.0,0.05521311851562039,0.08314412271548853,0.15573942898308288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351982534061903,0.0,0.029325439313329992,0.03134917386300736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777356792263524,0.02499157931258213,0.0,0.061928129406448075,0.06822897563617276,0.0,0.0,0.1863454266813688,0.0,0.0,0.042424117962290786,0.03810031209903899,0.04060355015492798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404007352823684,0.030958805333697013,0.06257178753043084,0.0,0.14027370269035622,0.1807810886920076,0.14077674292785633,0.04354551200446021,0.0,0.037597547991872066,0.04229714353760545,0.05678936927261921,0.03960949012666743,0.07949487934190094,0.055413294774051665,0.08528742388290099,0.0,0.025116685180222826 bpd,amaniadream,2018/03/15,"How to forgive? Sorry this is long, there's a lot to the story but I do hope you read it. I just need to hear from someone who understands what I'm going through. This past October, my boyfriend cheated on me. Not physically, but he asked another girl out on a date while we were having some issues and he struggled to communicate with me what he was going through. I found text messages to this girl by going through his phone, intending to get some sense of what was going through his head because he never talked to me about his feelings (I know, that was wrong- consider it a lesson learned). When I saw it, it felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. The girl rejected him, but he still broke up with me revealing that he was unhappy and wanted to figure things out alone. I literally begged him to stay with me and work through things. He agreed, telling me he loved me, and I went home for a weekend (we went to the same college at the time). He ended up taking that same girl to his this formal dance his sports team throws every semester, that his brother and sister went as well. When I found out, we broke up again because he completely lied to me. We never really separated after that. We were living two houses down from one another at school and I found it impossible to stay away from him and he was seriously concerned about me, I was a complete wreck. I was on an infusion medication for my chronic illness that was already making me suicidal before everything happened and the breakup itself sent me into a BPD tailspin worse than I've ever experienced (my dr does not consider me a severe case either but it was really the worst few months of my life). I felt a lot better after ending the infusions I was on and left school, it was just kind of the perfect storm. I'm doing much better now. We recently got back together officially, but I am struggling to forgive him. Even though he has apologized many times, I do not know how to move past this hurt. Little things still trigger me. I never expected it to happen and he completely caught me off guard. I transferred to a school closer to home and now we're in a long distance relationship, so we have developed much healthier boundaries than we had up at school. I have lost a lot of self confidence, and I felt like that girl was literally everything I am not. Pretty, skinny, social, smart. I was humiliated that his family was there and that I still begged him to stay when I should have walked away. I knew we were struggling, but he was always really adamant that we would work through it so I was blindsided. I have been working really hard to rely on myself and love myself again. I have lost a lot of trust in him that I do not know how to regain- but I want to. We've been together for 2 and a half years. We've been through a lot together, he was there for me when I almost died because of lupus complications. He understands me, he is my best friend. I do really love him, but I find myself constantly on guard and not fully able to let go of the past or feel comforted when he says he will not hurt me again. TLDR- bf cheated on me, after a lot of shit went down we got back together and I do believe he is remorseful but don't know how to let go of the past ",4.23835398643909,5.600164830455261,5.18208691005044,82.04931126624138,71.02511773940346,8.68658271819366,27.524934032532816,9.138037386147262,2.195567714352516,2555,89,504,52,47,836,269,637,0.152,0.733,0.115,-0.9813,0,2,0,0,0,0,66.0,11,1,0,11,32,34,3,3,26,0,49,13,5,7,5,109,97,41,2,7,20,2,6,2,2,3,5,2,2,6,33,35,1,2,22,5,0,16,11,16,1,3,43,10,87,18,85,49,16,86,0,7,1,3,74,28,1,11,41,367,120,12,0.058664227480355866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05874374979147382,0.060758447464331976,0.06473743380300022,0.0,0.04881333675693664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230291150827492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484313360553402,0.0,0.1102339456521486,0.09021833961147556,0.0,0.1072835057110544,0.0,0.049918936761264215,0.06609449533216738,0.061564487445417,0.10376748381699084,0.0,0.0,0.07388554087286937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845249791385546,0.06339518905763991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088420623755491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051337460799312125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391818616474607,0.0,0.0,0.03874716897526869,0.053065152346388936,0.04942714181958408,0.0,0.10544724993623876,0.0,0.055303412685936665,0.0,0.05932479215375903,0.0,0.16898057448154924,0.0,0.05361804112495494,0.0,0.0,0.19296689238271786,0.045323836628414715,0.0,0.030649637581788187,0.0,0.20004139436843427,0.0,0.09383828359041983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375316523858442,0.0,0.05255162499381207,0.0,0.06020642202488295,0.0,0.06611884795654667,0.06951739202146437,0.0,0.0,0.11769000670307345,0.058266814672563165,0.0,0.06769064210237885,0.1256025376802661,0.0,0.0,0.061230212044698175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061089765426245016,0.12896130088445618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373885480661964,0.11997629444335772,0.041436278776695055,0.05732075660462702,0.05879696758085594,0.05180158764362501,0.10383199052906912,0.0,0.0,0.1280778684238469,0.29924537010702823,0.15884026711614402,0.0,0.039158827378329486,0.05947631895048683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909803739670873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682522668544315,0.06235078976385434,0.08624991438117552,0.04349878134495655,0.13573640630327272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03975239878282954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240065725028064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968260951800016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586801028534569,0.0,0.18790903153656147,0.0,0.05792384733171485,0.06298342583964661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466521483020582,0.0,0.2374853205750001,0.0,0.0,0.061199583454623216,0.0662738789443292,0.06021798648098395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059800792155852836,0.04970600957149182,0.0,0.0,0.06566979975321413,0.0,0.18758478291066885,0.14054798353645231,0.0,0.0,0.18398576379549791,0.0,0.06416914327409838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410819821203665,0.04715208388726816,0.05127512054832481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692171806287947,0.0,0.057637305644897885,0.0,0.06841516561803201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057306426002660976,0.12214305942430345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692033626112751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274618579533185,0.21752930642413992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281247688798287,0.0,0.05978385962764875,0.04167338404313135,0.06414012348505571,0.0,0.03777783911509942 bpd,TyphlosionJones,2018/03/15,"BF wants to travel and go overseas and I'm scared he's just going to leave one day We've only been together like 5 weeks but I'm already pretty head over heels for him and I don't know if I should stay with him if he's just going to abandon me. It's not that I wouldn't go with him, it's just that he talks about travelling and moving overseas like it doesn't include me, which is kind of understandable since we haven't been together that long but I'd still probably follow him to the end of the Earth. I just don't know what to do but I feel pretty awful about it cos I do want him to follow his dreams. ",1.6493643198906371,3.0168520225563924,3.2322214627477805,93.42438140806564,77.64661654135338,6.340123034859878,19.609706083390293,6.980632752743323,0.070960902255639,481,10,113,5,11,159,74,133,0.08199999999999999,0.777,0.14,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,1,11,2,2,1,0,27,25,9,0,6,10,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,1,4,3,0,9,6,2,0,1,2,1,15,3,14,21,0,16,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,2,7,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058386523946254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202953428676877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520873737857225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431432907644137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240333978971326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914318817890749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942405537529862,0.2050221859727474,0.0,0.0,0.1975065707465028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225664195527536,0.0,0.0,0.16507170388459694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982500971507089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639642497741646,0.14186320157594054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3795327430482873,0.20110908996754528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867474002011606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429816354497572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198814383249366,0.14896176667511848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14992440748406374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418257161508068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22003848568401715,0.0,0.14962177650538316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NyxiSky,2018/03/15,"Rant: I just want to be better. People deserve better from me I am currently curing up in a tub and hiding from the man that loves me completely because he said the wrong thing and I spiraled out. Waiting for him to come and get me because I feel like I have no value unless he does.... I’ve been close to recovery for a few years now. Finally entered a stable-ish relationship (he’s bipolar and I’m BPD- so it has it’s ups and downs). For the first few months his illness took president and I put all my emotions aside. I thought I was “ok/better” because I was able to handle my emotions and keep everything in check in order to take care of him. He hasn’t become my “FP” even if I love him deeply. It’s the healthiest I’ve ever felt. Recently though, I’ve been feeling extremely unstable again. I snap at the smallest thing. We can have an amazing night and if he just looks at me the wrong way I lose it. I’ve also been battling an extreme in low self esteem. I gained about 50 lbs in the last year and I can’t stand to even look in a mirror or even be naked to take a shower. I can’t understand why anyone could love me when I look at myself with such hatred. Everything came to a head Sunday when a customer at my job called me “chunky” and compared me to a pregnant women. I left work to come home to my boyfriend who promised me surprised when I came home...instead of surprises he rushed to me in order to try to make things better (he really does love me). I snapped because there was an expectation that wasn’t met. This was followed by me being furious and snapping. After he was berated (I admit), he snapped and told me how passive aggressive I am and how I’m mean. It was the final straw and I spent 4 hours trying to kill my self while he stopped me. He deserves better. I want to be better for him. I was better. I just don’t know why I started slipping and I hate myself every day for it. I thought maybe I wouldn’t live with this every day- and I guess I was just wrong. He’s checked on me twice since I started writing this.... I’m not looking for anything posting here. I just needed to vent. 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I’m still on a waiting list for therapy, and life feels like it’s getting heavier every day and every day I burn through my resources just to survive. I often feel like I’m not meant for this world, I desperately struggle to keep a job, to maintain relationships, I never feel like a full developed person... just a ugly shell inhabited by something unstable and emotional. I’d give anything to not hurt anymore. I can picture recovery, but it feels like a beautiful and unattainable fantasy. I day dream so often about lovely things (does anyone else do this? It feels like fantasising to the point of dissociating) that it’s hard to tell what’s real. Do you see recovery? Can you imagine yourself better? ",4.750796019900496,7.262967089552243,5.8485820895522425,73.02023631840798,72.13432835820895,8.645771144278607,33.5547263681592,9.2995712137729,3.6235592039801,586,30,94,14,12,194,85,134,0.063,0.706,0.232,0.9782,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,2,7,9,0,1,6,0,5,2,0,0,1,22,19,6,0,0,5,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,4,0,2,7,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,7,10,7,13,18,1,9,0,1,1,1,8,4,0,2,10,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339545372048447,0.0944450656834174,0.13839661457750613,0.11115225600350376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194596796685188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26132964265524555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820189516972356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283482538901328,0.15193714848522855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276069655543159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34148079949535703,0.4824751871701733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056923330499218,0.12957279778826955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099744653908613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445967307379273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340375258157624,0.1200576693195232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954049266155364,0.32994532441503943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190721492692727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417539303508253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793913932662806,0.0,0.0,0.12768613495902453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374082773410971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450161379743916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763442059621957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039845651744302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078681970737073,0.0,0.0,0.1412059577695901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805835990916864,0.0,0.1544659211477724,0.0,0.08973543845210744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,happyqueergaal,2018/03/15,"I'm doing a project on BPD stigma because I want to smash it!! I got diagnosed with BPD last April and have been learning to challenge my internalized stigma about it, (my DBT group has helped so much with this, I love them all so much). I'm doing a small project on it and would love to hear people's experiences and thoughts! It's an anonymous google form, here is the link if anyone is interested :) https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc0UYGwLSUP-EWFRr5drN1-UJkekg9N2dsC4IZAwdhEOapCfg/viewform?usp=sf_link ",11.709625000000004,13.7336957125,8.497500000000006,62.63750000000002,54.375,8.9,31.0,8.841846274778883,2.2982,427,12,65,5,5,121,55,80,0.0,0.775,0.225,0.9594,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,8,3,0,0,1,12,16,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,4,8,12,4,5,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,2,42,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794031718254942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769415025314508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5689750739811341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22926311025443724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220953660106988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065660654765225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545828044512393,0.0,0.15140238141841053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412207875505973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077304420950968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320950949004674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659652223018622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932322692450545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322968166817575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045843671756585,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,existentialdread93,2018/03/15,"Lonely but sexually active? Having BPD and trying for romantic relationships is so hard for me. I'm a 24 year old guy and am having pretty regulr sex but bwing typically borderline rarely with the same person. I'm highly sexually-driven, (it just always me to stop feeling), but I feel like I am falling in love with any girl who is any way kind to me. I suppose I am wondering if any of you can identify and or seperate sex/emotions? This BPD is a lonely world for me - I just don't understand myself - despite academic and diagnostic knowledge. For some reason I can't accept I have Borderline and I hate myself.",4.524369114877587,6.1595524915254245,6.523333333333337,71.64586629001886,70.6949152542373,9.312241054613937,29.212806026365357,9.725611199111238,3.073279472693032,486,19,83,12,9,170,78,118,0.14800000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.189,0.862,0,4,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,0,12,2,0,1,0,24,20,11,0,1,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,15,4,10,20,2,8,0,2,0,2,7,3,0,4,4,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298562337252036,0.0,0.0,0.3750917812566356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631285742638962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20681690773446795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592952074308464,0.13134908383362864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204956228109284,0.0,0.0,0.1647017729795901,0.18152294335231084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425739056675095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914611142432716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982434170613443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594015007567053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292935279976087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053880396978212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705095427250146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189037929127137,0.0,0.1973960254386006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537145643812079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248283608634414,0.0,0.0,0.1914039617871284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145938913480621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199387512039854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839932794327923 bpd,megaborn7,2018/03/16,"EPIGENETICS Thanks to my friend Joker/John now I can tell you how to turn off your personality. WARNING THIS PROCESS IS PAINFULL DONT READ IF YOU HATE PAIN AND YOU ALSO MIGHT LOOSE SOME MENTAL ABILITIES IF YOU DO IT WRONG: Simply first you have to want it, and that is obvious because we don't have free will. So if you can't want it don't worry it takes time. Now when you feel it you should feel weird like if you had multiple personalities now ignore those multiple personalities over time you will forget them and slowly thanks to epigenetics they will slowly turn off and TA DA you are a new you. (I don't know how your brain controlls your body and makes you feel like you want, illudes you that you want something, if you can't want it then create another one basically WANT TO WANT IT just think it with words, think ""I WANT IT"") ALSO PUT YOUR SELF INTO SHAME AND CRINGE YOU NEED TO STOP YOUR PERSONALITY",2.4911206386753406,5.0559002528089865,3.3108752217622697,88.01144589000593,80.17977528089888,6.443997634535777,20.042578356002366,7.669130373188453,0.6430853932584268,727,19,149,12,19,230,96,178,0.161,0.6779999999999999,0.16,-0.8017,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,23,2,2,10,12,1,1,1,0,19,3,2,4,1,42,41,18,0,15,6,0,3,2,1,5,1,0,0,5,13,9,0,3,6,1,1,1,6,6,0,2,1,3,30,7,11,35,1,15,0,0,0,0,33,4,0,7,12,99,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505223364311404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132267702991263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053030824053072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851782381022608,0.0,0.1291606768305319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976860642101806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356008113136527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550583681341309,0.0826568790896843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841528480416503,0.0,0.0,0.08939037217860492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423086893914172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635862911231981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305141284607208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723137346303356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659948168992387,0.12274056835265915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579088936402393,0.0,0.11174483001786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840205036750313,0.0,0.12311411323537172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041029026358676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11631154847169844,0.0,0.0,0.11573239654342996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070146636162445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907234878987391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967312888034629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699281763428111,0.0,0.10112784905865776,0.2130440304583995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827316844620228,0.0,0.0,0.13493246759747407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516991147349133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459479867557897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750006928659253,0.0,0.0,0.1265009746839551,0.0,0.0 bpd,grizzlywabbit,2018/03/16,"STEPPS treatment program experiences? Recently diagnosed with BPD and have been encouraged to start this STEPPS program, which I am definitely going to try! Just wondered if anyone could share their experiences of it positive or negative. ",9.941531531531536,13.265375945945951,8.992972972972971,52.55450450450451,59.81081081081082,13.581981981981983,44.76576576576577,12.45797560212912,7.544700900900898,198,12,23,8,3,62,33,37,0.08,0.674,0.246,0.7644,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,4,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,18,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076479366229145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796368027044538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406649626900613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059420988201644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5897069654172223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130793221830332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976228358291389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335160909984552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046491727717565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268847649502798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Blue_VTOL,2018/03/16,"Taking self harm to the extreme [NSFW] If you find discussion of self harm to be a trigger then please do not read further. Does anyone else have experience with more extreme forms of self harm? When I used to cut myself I would not stop until my entire body was covered in scars that have sometimes been dangerously deep. I have been literally soaked in blood before. I have slit my own throat before and was lucky it wasn't any deeper. I have punched myself until I have a fully formed black eye and scratched my face all over until scars formed. Recently when I get the urge to harm myself I have started biting myself with the intent to actually rip flesh and skin from my bones and have attempted to bite off my fingers. When I feel triggered I feel like I need to hurt myself in the most painful way I can. I wonder if I'm even stable enough to not be in psychiatric care. Anyway just wondering if anyone else has had experience with feeling like this. I hope this thread is appropriate, if not ill remove it.",6.2354615384615375,6.772283687179493,6.238782051282049,79.27663461538462,65.97435897435898,8.756410256410257,28.55769230769231,8.59863814320734,1.997692307692308,809,24,151,11,12,256,116,195,0.123,0.7609999999999999,0.116,-0.6781,0,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,1,0,1,6,13,2,0,6,0,21,11,9,4,1,33,34,15,0,7,9,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,5,7,0,1,6,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,6,8,25,5,23,25,8,20,0,1,2,0,5,8,0,9,12,107,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.13261143529584854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924115307014604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900383311633743,0.2784757624197178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23126894388556016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094588495005934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855141665482731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892040487164593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270414209453375,0.0,0.0,0.1404132344101574,0.0,0.08975568620703522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658577973009846,0.0,0.0,0.20613392809094086,0.19416319684693711,0.0,0.0,0.12420324378586407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099820002091542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349718720707592,0.0,0.0,0.14547568579826944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278038058054198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076253496812496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445991553638206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916911003179395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592923141489738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417740708561174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252964090403976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440111472038332,0.0,0.09618538048940108,0.0,0.0,0.11361217890180825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217421562860957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736745143989108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786510708235036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947391456346309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653410249786197,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Lagueramedrano,2018/03/16,"Normal People I don't know if it is disassociation or what it is. But I don't know how other people do it. Get up, get ready, go to work, be productive, interact with family and friends, come home, taking car of themselves and their families. Everytime I do it feels fake. Like I'm pretending to be someone else. I really just want to stay in bed and do nothing. Sometimes I just give up and don't get up. Which leads to problems with work and family. Which leads to me hating myself for not being normal. I just wish I was normal.",1.7838421955403092,4.093518962264152,3.97572898799314,83.72201543739281,81.0754716981132,7.250771869639795,20.957118353344764,8.296473431620573,1.317803773584906,414,12,82,9,11,142,64,106,0.084,0.79,0.127,0.3976,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,4,4,5,1,0,0,0,12,0,0,3,0,27,26,9,0,7,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,0,3,1,0,5,4,3,0,0,1,1,10,2,13,22,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,56,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082718435674224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365700925396082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623551341389438,0.0,0.0826625365471984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630750705523325,0.0,0.2562412807309683,0.15682896591146714,0.09291185282804486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140682640439188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398800783183864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969330966901897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987013465571514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.480539489908238,0.15686752352901406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266787547095167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643232474448482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473218108665852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851965371136954,0.0,0.1616900792671522,0.0,0.0,0.1742524320788979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291979168788447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642723191034526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879987910938813,0.0,0.0,0.23803692645462504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eeelaw,2018/03/16,"Fired? Probably will be fired shortly. I work at a small business (7 Employees) and today I had a small blowup. Just verbally. (My last blowup was prob 1-2 months ago) I’m 23 female working on my masters degree. My boss pulled me into her office and I lost it started crying and told her I have “BPD” and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with situations and I’m trying my best to work on it and literally right after I said that I knew my fate was sealed her eyes got big and she said she didn’t think she could keep me here because of my health, and I begged and said please I wanna be here, so she’s giving me until the end of the month for her to think about it. But I pretty much already know the answer to that question.... she’ll prob end up letting me go. I feel like such an idiot for telling her.. I just massively messed up. I went home and my family couldn’t believe I told her that, and that I should probably start packing stuff up in my office, cause she’s gonna let me go. I just feel so defeated. It’s so hard for me to keep a job with my BPD... I’ve been here 5 months and just started to feel at home. 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How do I deal with this diagnosis even if I’m still in doubt that I have anything wrong with me? I’m still convinced I’m just an anxious depressed waste of space rn. Any person stories might help me relate my personal experiences. ,6.497368421052627,7.6288634736842145,7.261684210526319,70.07278947368421,65.57894736842105,10.81684210526316,36.252631578947366,10.793553405168565,4.1928873684210535,328,16,58,9,5,109,54,76,0.198,0.6990000000000001,0.104,-0.7778,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,3,0,15,7,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,11,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,3,2,39,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774384378349575,0.0,0.0,0.22882866085275436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666848985720261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20807902282346916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176490992057895,0.17445968872801992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23214473229528204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378517946556365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981369349803032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576785190359433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148780621947496,0.20452206250736224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5305877050946594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32352018996018306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146128758125835,0.0,0.0 bpd,gaysynthetase,2018/03/16,"Has anyone tried vortioxetine (Trintellix®/Brintellix®)? Hi all, I have had some success with cocktailing medicines. The most useful medicines for me are quetiapine (Seroquel®), 150 mg and lamotrigine (Lamictal®), 200 mg. I have in the past also used diazepam (Valium®), 5 mg as a rescue therapy for debilitating anxiety. While I had success with sertraline (Zoloft®), 200 mg for the relief of depression and anxiety, I have been asked to switch to vortioxetine (Trintellix®/Brintellix®), 10 mg for the same symptoms. From what I read online, it has a similar review profile as quetiapine: if it works it’s great, but it doesn’t always work, and when it doesn’t, it’s awful. What are your experiences?",3.8000449943757,6.7719120472440935,5.601400449943757,71.06057086614175,78.13385826771653,9.927784026996626,30.33127109111361,9.957137785484203,4.077569628796402,558,27,92,20,14,190,78,127,0.077,0.805,0.118,0.5936,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,4,2,5,0,0,6,1,12,1,0,2,1,13,15,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,7,4,13,12,4,4,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,58,15,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946976927900694,0.19714154979638912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624957368511382,0.0,0.0,0.16566428401188274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149398244423396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406415952680546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317592528266329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261211934338405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22617283411538616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369902814951099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462570037889808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27094571903796816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085731441077405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092562735119681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449701411187138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TertiaryWings,2018/03/16,"Talk Me Out Of Self Harm Mods if this is not allowed please remove. Feeling abandoned by my s/o / favorite person. I've already been fasting and have visited a very emotionally intense place for me last night. I've already made one hairline stroke. I'm too stupid to stop texting my favorite person. He is requesting time away from me so he can improve himself and all I fucking do is make it about me. Can't stop thinking about him with his ex. Or maybe she's his current now. I don't fucking know. If I didn't need to type for a living and wasn't afraid of severing tendons this blade would go through my fucking arm. I hope you're having a good day though, to whoever is reading this. ",2.478779264214044,4.633139152173918,3.428260869565218,89.39081939799334,77.76811594202898,5.695429208472687,29.455964325529546,6.67199483983844,1.4854720178372354,545,26,108,5,13,174,99,138,0.114,0.757,0.128,0.2636,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,4,1,3,0,14,6,2,3,1,22,26,8,0,5,4,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,5,0,3,3,1,0,3,5,7,0,1,4,2,16,2,15,21,1,15,0,1,0,3,14,3,3,4,9,65,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559931479991341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154496797205133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402399476217496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18143876420928445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155721609802305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44735275873222735,0.0,0.0,0.09166948385182827,0.1352892769366533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020550677285725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864527209177357,0.1314795607154691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424292652124904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262425632346538,0.10766780061739288,0.0,0.1620457212741918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960057107175165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513674335208986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929983436075426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28167873235307433,0.16852228782763934,0.1770569860286982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134184900874904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826919983069635,0.1822210536434013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26970503434953697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964538283080593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335337325585714,0.15847466197960836,0.0,0.09405427721061678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308790703981774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458161300026437,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Raynaxx,2018/03/16,"I fucked up big time I ended up telling a guy I had a small crush on him while I was in a relationship already. I had planned to tell my boyfriend what I had done later that night... I was not planning on persuing anything, just felt good to get it off of my chest. My boyfriend find the messages while he's out of the house, screenshots it, sends it to me and tells me he's packing his shit and leaving. When he gets home I try to calm him down and talk things out rationally but he is screaming at me... I try to hold him to calm him down and he spits on my face. I push his head back out of my face so then he grabs me by the hair and starts hitting the side of my head and torso, knees me in the crotch and has me on the floor. I tried to reach for the gun we had with intent to harm myself and he stops me and calls the cops on me saying I assulted him and am suicidal. I get sent to the ER for a night and he gets out in jail. I can't help but feel like all of this is my fault... I'm so hurt and devistated I'm in shock right now and don't know how to heal. I loved him a great deal. any advice would be appreciated",2.233896165753752,2.6351802105263182,3.548535365563229,95.49979280781142,74.82995951417004,6.9453679447487495,22.626577756608718,6.794906146795322,0.1873945701357456,860,20,224,7,17,282,134,247,0.14300000000000002,0.758,0.099,-0.9124,0,0,0,1,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,2,8,13,2,0,14,0,15,13,10,2,1,33,29,22,1,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,1,2,1,1,7,19,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,7,1,0,9,6,40,6,38,17,1,40,0,1,0,2,31,24,2,0,14,141,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361000779127607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369586484716985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471327898230683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114613276840191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709557760550892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221760378076864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435886881157542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252894209016498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233582686065604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042274230931919,0.0994996668244231,0.13372796341369994,0.0,0.1272968469400335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875953658389744,0.2910663755823413,0.0,0.0,0.11681911598690532,0.0,0.15355361598144515,0.0,0.13790633526949045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28587719836491976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933545781863421,0.0,0.13970639784040828,0.0,0.0,0.16070720090086746,0.14909913416179524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654311233423496,0.0,0.0,0.14747445560265965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804380975967865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570311998702166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614044538267077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495316007569865,0.0,0.11894197654728945,0.0,0.11075882776080877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296605484416158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858112626380304,0.0,0.0,0.11644198418136002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234666239670172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194574586402774,0.3652032619241284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252958976705887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121366132865211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836802500704923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893853409617978,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,whowouldyoulivefor,2018/03/16,"I feel lost, almost out to sea on this one... My dilemma is this, my SO’s one true impulsivity that I can’t live with is the need to speak with people of the opposite sex, especially people who are suffering from the same disorder. My SO tends to get very attached and almost obsessed with each new person that they meet and basically it feels like my SO is falling in love with them (and has in the past confessed to having polyamorous tendancies). When I ask them to please reestablish their boundaries and respect me in their conversations my SO flips out and cuts off all contact and then I am left picking up the pieces because my SO is mourning the loss of someone else. Has anyone else dealt with this before? What is the appropriate way to validate their feelings while feeling extremely jealous and resentful? I am so confused. ",7.540465949820787,7.8973550322580675,7.113763440860216,74.73508960573477,63.193548387096776,9.985663082437275,36.577060931899645,9.725611199111238,3.52352329749104,670,30,118,12,9,210,100,155,0.177,0.718,0.105,-0.8972,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,6,2,7,13,3,2,7,0,12,2,0,1,2,28,22,16,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,15,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,0,2,1,5,18,4,22,21,4,16,1,4,0,2,15,9,0,3,6,89,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605570620649231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12588429808458398,0.1844666056114671,0.0,0.0,0.16830794082296946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097473511778256,0.0,0.15319608676614027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633511753234085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007914217817413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641233806575306,0.12861667222242093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940605878844336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560799497849776,0.0,0.0,0.08795575559130618,0.0,0.15897374884463825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19652890783430454,0.0,0.16248815193758964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349328959094126,0.0,0.17387842770307207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439920530447745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186328748068733,0.24962648720844802,0.1571991682508756,0.0,0.19762380144362698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525426351031923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854730505308492,0.0,0.1429029944617523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SebDay8,2018/03/16,"BPD is feeling everything on the spectrum of emotion in a short period of time then subsequently feeling completely drained empty and exhausted afterwards I can't tell which is more unbearable. That emptiness also fuels my depression and dissociation, which doesn't help. On a slightly better note though I know DBT does wonders for this, and I'm trying to start working on it. It's very hard though. ",7.428873239436619,9.278840056338028,7.3987042253521125,67.30932394366197,63.92957746478872,10.75042253521127,38.14366197183098,10.793553405168565,4.800789295774648,328,17,49,9,5,105,56,71,0.237,0.69,0.073,-0.9114,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,7,10,7,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,8,10,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,5,32,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855340167966293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518923937413885,0.0,0.0,0.29220170663844386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432524378686551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998252457123316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030288129832384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609739789765686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851079945882592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346170212535408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20783057589355705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550781137048925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750367583283462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642140694709355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027822704592809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558867371481888,0.0,0.13528376403130188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575159128937408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142811518371006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515991218768574,0.16890213198709625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peytertot,2018/03/16,"Feeling overwhelmed and stuck in my life - unable to find ‘me’ Everything about BPD sucks but I think the worst thing for me is not being able to identify who I am or what my interests are. I desperately want to fit in somewhere or be a part of something genuine but I find myself changing depending on the circumstance or my surroundings and I’ve really had a hard time with this lately. I feel like I need to reach inside of myself and pull ‘me’ out but I have no idea how to get in touch with ‘me.’ I start hobbies and become obsessed with them just to lose interest and quit them altogether in two months. I can’t find anything or anyone I identify with and the anxiety and insecurity that comes with that is tearing my relationships apart. I feel like my only options are to be a different person every year and completely restart over and over again and I am exhausted. I feel full of contradictions. Like an actual walking contradiction. Nothing feels truly fulfilling and I feel like giving up hope that eventually I will come to figure myself out but that feels impossible because I don’t even know where to start. This is the first time I’m writing or talking about feeling this way because I feel super corny and emo so I don’t bring it up with my s/o or family members. I’ve tried journaling just in general but I begin to hate myself and get annoyed with everything I’m doing. I guess I’m just annoyed with myself because I can see myself doing all of this and I don’t know how to stop it. Has anyone felt this way? How did you work through it? ",4.13066885964912,5.866302483552634,5.3421052631578965,79.32307017543863,71.86184210526315,8.619298245614036,28.456140350877188,9.188382445141503,2.5138206140350876,1241,48,232,27,24,412,160,304,0.166,0.7090000000000001,0.125,-0.9386,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,5,12,18,4,3,8,0,22,2,0,4,1,72,55,29,0,3,15,0,12,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,15,26,0,1,18,0,0,5,6,10,0,2,4,13,40,8,39,47,4,35,0,2,1,0,9,17,1,10,15,167,55,1,0.10427082333316263,0.0,0.10175328232607236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976689444807543,0.0,0.0,0.14581716818389506,0.0,0.0858060031532597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068757829131208,0.1151589322289448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132545181490551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030470526870953,0.17964016306369515,0.10932597442938907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894081746969897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886989540999805,0.0,0.08785266582192389,0.0,0.18742378518069086,0.0,0.09829725237287497,0.0,0.4745021513844461,0.22347329107052108,0.10011634224850258,0.0,0.28590493050381743,0.08869270906041335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895440314410536,0.10002607500154087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486606749804593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934061768295726,0.1029458507862666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356445486209458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177090676549033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460903517259095,0.0,0.11762203043718895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364956617480779,0.20376582943142596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665237986614475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322797638284896,0.0,0.0,0.07731549429073505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005066718782617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930265976812152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291514055225865,0.0,0.0,0.09104526102137216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090485556415956,0.0,0.0,0.06679855943424973,0.0,0.0,0.111947841993526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309034620752427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802727740133879,0.0,0.0,0.14760685086838982,0.0,0.0,0.08717507724492475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380893808660751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927290179821413,0.06681253332057688,0.0,0.0,0.12160231121863238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707930445266135,0.0,0.1018574432532896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061501633165776816,0.1655306523090776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591040124605464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714699157332665 bpd,nibblemyearlips,2018/03/16,"Does it sound like I bpd or a mental disorder? I started talking to this guy on pof like a month ago. We talked every night for at least an hour or so. We made a date to go out and we did. We drove around for like 4 hours and talked. We were going to go to a hotel but the security deposit was too expensive so we didn't go there and I just took him home. In the last week or so we were planning on going out today. We wanted to go to the hotel but I have to go somewhere tomorrow morning and didn't have the money for it. We were just going to go to a walking park and hang out and probably make out. However this morning I wasn't in the mood to go anywhere and he started texting me- Him- ""what time do you want to go today?"" Me- ""what do you want to do exactly?"" Him- ""we can go to the walking trail. The trail will be better this time because most of the snow and ice are gone. And we can hang out there"" Him- ""is that okay?"" Him- ""are we still going to do it?"" Him- ""hello"" Him- ""well we can do it another time I guess. Maybe next week or something. No point in coming today."" Me- ""lol why would u want to spend time with me?"" Him- ""I wanted to but I don't want to anymore. I had something come up so gonna have to wait again."" Me- ""yeah of course once again"" Him- ""yea some other time I guess"" Me- ""just curious why do u want to spend time with me?"" Him- ""why do you keep asking me that?"" Me- ""because I want to know"" Him- ""I have told you so many times. Over three times already"" Him - ""if you act like this when we can't hang out then I don't want to try. Plus you get mad if I don't answer right away which I don't like"" Me- ""okay sorry"" Him- ""yeah Idk if it will work out between us"" Him- ""I just don't like how you get upset easily"" Me- ""awww :)"" Him- ""what?"" Me- ""how do I get upset easily?"" Him- ""when I don't text you and when I'm not able to hang out"" Me- ""well it's kind of hard to tell if you're looking for a relationship or sex tbh"" Him- ""I have told you I wanted to try for a relationship"" Me- ""did you honestly like me or no?"" Him- ""yes but not really anymore. I don't want to talk anymore. Goodbye"" Me- ""okay bye"" ",-1.735316678823242,0.16225287746170736,0.7510621808898641,100.98294143569171,101.18818380743984,3.851799173352784,14.005865548261607,5.7366,-1.0116656698273765,1603,35,395,15,72,537,182,457,0.053,0.807,0.14,0.9883,1,0,2,0,0,1,117.0,15,10,0,3,23,20,1,2,16,8,41,1,0,4,1,83,88,36,0,16,20,0,1,7,0,4,0,1,1,1,17,38,0,3,2,2,5,25,15,3,2,1,16,3,80,16,55,67,3,76,0,0,1,1,57,20,0,14,39,264,97,1,0.06501716559634486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763379438986695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174805898980785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817616707886759,0.0,0.0,0.1934386729140499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787906182032674,0.060782273160376765,0.0,0.06108576731198054,0.0,0.0,0.07926772136003726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057502399406047726,0.0,0.0,0.08188684403481578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201306229594153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451530459647576,0.0,0.056896959756308575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054779766182279005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019063566186241,0.0,0.480359795884435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143247476008874,0.06437721592459497,0.0,0.0,0.05824260970152245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521751826878609,0.0,0.1280576228034649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05779024414033927,0.0,0.06770537285759108,0.035731733865976584,0.0529976676865165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223487207654051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459804410934343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615208141365585,0.04339946290212509,0.06591720106703378,0.0653184817425472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552201072056528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189608127906053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914649321537468,0.061014205528583186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924115942937173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146223689366921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009950115061464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041651661140692464,0.0,0.0,0.13960820771099905,0.0,0.05552430417152115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010678105476332,0.0,0.07278139385135958,0.0920389689012154,0.0,0.051922792431337635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903333959952533,0.056827868478781435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30329625690739354,0.0,0.18488601218311326,0.1242533759534557,0.07223646326930988,0.08828477520216083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782076448599486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218368968593864,0.0,0.10430569693283104,0.0,0.11691648023760395,0.0,0.17600363753252368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047333270904844016,0.0,0.0,0.04618632900603075,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,manuelcastro319,2018/03/16,"I feel drained.. I need help. My girlfriend has BPD and in the beginning when we started dating she told me. I thought to myself welp it can't be that bad right? After all she did make it out to seem like she was an angel. Super smart, beautiful, good sense of humor and overall knew how to have a good time.. Fast foward three months I just feel drained to be quite honest. I act passive and agree with her on everything so she doesn't ""go crazy"" and worst idea ever.. She milks its and takes advantage. On the opposite end I hold frame and set ""unreasonable"" boundaries and she goes CRAZY! Calling me a peice of shit, a demon, worst person alive, scum, etc.... I don't want to leave her because when everything is ""good"" its amazing to be honest. But, when its ""bad"" its horrible. I need help guys I really do.. Forgot to add this but the thing that kills me is ONE wrong thing you say or do and long story short she goes batshit crazy. That's whats really draining me..",1.7904450261780127,4.1279025340314215,2.7146047120418864,92.60981282722513,81.25130890052355,5.914240837696338,20.544764397905762,7.1686216300943375,0.4729641884816753,748,21,157,10,20,236,123,191,0.113,0.7,0.18600000000000005,0.7278,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,0,3,7,18,2,0,7,0,14,2,1,2,2,31,29,16,1,3,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,13,12,1,2,6,0,0,2,3,7,0,2,6,3,26,11,15,20,4,22,2,0,0,0,19,6,1,2,14,99,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25249192035622164,0.09217031797448172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904315230239694,0.0,0.15439244247067832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391861403093264,0.0,0.16862833631299867,0.0,0.1367693551598869,0.0,0.0,0.2717782148823738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529028601463363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593063213582823,0.3804589902728208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971209870234115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026927884993418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068676876777755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672807633102874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009931820836348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386884397237725,0.0,0.0,0.13380753433938494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100927394580747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068666112892812,0.0,0.0,0.22422625816490172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245725692251306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320222963698715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082016291558754,0.0,0.0,0.19372560662193775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912425595170512,0.0,0.1202405714101395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764710203925687,0.0,0.0,0.15520496626994826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702037202680696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368383128999435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009015619046439,0.0,0.0,0.12003617303607485,0.08816612853248361,0.0,0.0,0.14447839517191655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918187229028092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653138253832516,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cerebusfire17,2018/03/16,"New So, I found out I had BPD late last year, but didn't get to where I needed to be until recently. I though I was just a weirdo, but now I'm a weirdo with BPD, so that's pretty interesting so far. Don't know what to say or do. Just now getting into DBT, so there's that. I also have two kitties and have been married nearly 10 years to my wonderful husband, who probably the most patient guy in the world. I think he's the main reason why I haven't been as bad as I am now. I'm learning guitar and can draw, so... Yeah, I guess that's it. Nice to meet y'all. ",0.463460410557186,1.8694875161290376,2.795073313782993,95.10124633431087,81.09677419354837,5.799413489736072,19.337243401759533,6.574015621080383,-0.11536129032258068,428,10,106,4,11,147,82,124,0.059,0.75,0.191,0.9558,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,0,5,1,13,0,0,1,0,19,23,15,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,6,1,12,2,13,16,2,17,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,4,10,71,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467088372776544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614902909220831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871893248780293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206542108490864,0.0,0.0,0.2020987606617187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306426554176708,0.1915075170713355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629374903913223,0.1576559595417201,0.21817628192988647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341196982593998,0.0,0.186797762670664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676874456440813,0.20853000895561632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988589480020132,0.19097024764583187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380836606784093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239301009514905,0.19002554284093665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889346593770485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745235439551408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20974621903690865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24910097045245236 bpd,channel-black,2018/03/16,"lost my dad today hey everyone, i lost my dad today. i've been struggling super hard with every bpd symptom for about a year and a half now. i was wondering if any of you have experienced the death of a parent and what it was like and how you coped with bpd. thank you",1.8325000000000031,3.606915821428572,3.5280000000000022,89.71700000000001,78.28571428571428,6.622857142857143,20.128571428571426,7.554174236665415,0.5062114285714285,210,5,46,3,5,70,40,56,0.2,0.66,0.14,-0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,3,3,6,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,8,5,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,2,7,3,6,3,0,4,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397564604386599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176749811761983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315427625462534,0.19637728384805056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410003606970807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040368266154832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486852728024677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819880144820126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21484769027949407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136075724602368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892095347468767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896061856445959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287099582671316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234417669376294 bpd,Katiew84,2018/03/16,"BCBS won’t cover residential mental health treatment. It’s life or death for me at this point. Any loopholes in the medical insurance system or experience being in my situation? Or recommendations for an affordable and/or in-network residential treatment center? Feeling desperate, PLEASE HELP. *I am not suicidal at the moment. Just wanted to start off with that. I need help. I had what can only be called an “episode” last week and it caused me to do things I literally could have gone to jail for. My husband has one foot out the door and said either I get some intense help or it’s over. After 8 years. But not gonna lie, I’ve put him through SO much, I don’t know how he’s even still with me. I know I need super intense and severe help. And I WANT to get help more than I ever have. I went to a partial inpatient group therapy program for 4 months about a year ago. Had to pay for a hotel each night, since it was two hours from where I live. (Literally no mental health services for BPD within 100 miles of my town; Myrtle Beach, SC). It helped temporarily and put a band aid on my issues, but I need help to make permanent life changes. It didn’t meet my needs and I drained my savings account laying for months in a hotel in an expensive city. I didn’t see my three kids for a month straight at one point. It sucked. Partial hospitalization or half-day group therapy isn’t enough for me at this point. I need 24/7 help and I need to be focused on my treatment every second of every day, not just from 9-1 then I’m alone until the next day’s first group session begins. I don’t want to go through a hospital because I’ve found in my twenty year struggle that they don’t give the best care. And they help with crisis situations, but I’m not suicidal at the moment. I don’t need to be locked up and treated like I’m in trouble. I need dignified help from professionals that actually want to help, and that have the education and training necessary to help me fix myself. $9 medical assistant “therapists” that sit on their cell phone all day long are not going to help me. (Yes, happened the last time I was inpatient). I found an amazing place in Charlotte, NC that’s a private residential mental health facility that is everything I need. I 100% *KNOW* it will help me accomplish my goals and help me to lead a functional, healthy, and happy (as happy as I can be) life. I need this to survive. If not, not only is my marriage over (let me stress that I’m doing this for myself though, not my marriage. But my marriage is obviously a huge part of my life), but it literally is only a matter of time before I’m brave enough to actually put an end to my life. So anyways. I have BCBS federal for health insurance. If the facility I found was in network, it’d only be $175 copay per day with a maximum of $875 for an unlimited amount of days. $875 is nothing when you compare it to the treatment I’ll be getting. But for out of network they cover zilch. Zero. Nothing. For an approximately $30k per month program with an average 30-60 day stay. Of course this facility is out of network. And there are NO residential mental health facilities in the entire state of SC or NC that are in network. Do I have $30-60k to drop on this? Hellll no. (Funny thing is that the super helpful guy on the phone told me that if I also had a co-existing substance abuse problem I would be able to find a facility super easily. Maybe I need to start drinking a lot or taking pills just to get the help I need! Jk... kinda. He didn’t really think it was funny when I said that). But now I feel lost. He literally told me he didn’t have any advice or ideas for me, besides to go inpatient at a hospital. But a 5-10 day stay in a shitty hospital to make sure I’m safe when I’m not even suicidal will not be even a tiny bit helpful. I need long-term full time care. (And a 5 day inpatient psych ward stay would prob be more expensive than one month at the awesome place I found that will actually help me... and it would save my insurance company a ton of money in the long run. What kind of logic is that)? Has anyone been through this? I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have zero options. I want help SO bad. I need help or I will end up dead. What do I do? Has anyone found a loophole? Has anyone found an awesome residential treatment center anywhere in the US that is either super affordable and/or in network for BCBS? Did you somehow make it through this same situation? If so, what’d you do?",2.6855435215191337,4.527742586474505,4.435299334811533,83.86062880209224,76.01773835920177,7.596816191938143,25.754789925521635,8.423722925485528,1.7370323611348,3511,128,717,67,78,1186,344,902,0.07400000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.201,0.999,2,1,1,0,1,0,125.0,1,3,4,11,24,26,1,2,48,1,73,15,1,6,4,122,141,51,5,28,36,1,3,2,0,9,13,2,1,2,43,25,1,1,17,5,5,10,24,7,0,9,26,6,84,19,107,93,18,110,0,1,1,0,54,48,1,18,47,453,127,10,0.03816229722966096,0.045216081872124975,0.11172269135577564,0.0,0.0,0.03729175517899441,0.03382857391283935,0.0,0.0,0.03952463078326572,0.0,0.030518375306901633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051903341514205295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005189662175767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0318639241465467,0.023263382181564592,0.0,0.032473304156437136,0.0,0.04004897651589226,0.0,0.04166334462646325,0.0,0.04806407742621142,0.0,0.03896797227210401,0.0,0.07781801081884697,0.03920319154344186,0.04037065032894819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03046948904349648,0.0,0.0,0.22150372162546653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037384522746775305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760093635110498,0.07886370892663278,0.0,0.07561751220898193,0.034519982676977215,0.06430676268474507,0.0,0.034297812030888775,0.03733004946132035,0.0,0.0,0.05788801238414967,0.027263152766057317,0.0,0.0,0.03487964829960295,0.032460830528331035,0.0,0.2510579349249654,0.0,0.0,0.07975290084706267,0.036608752888892926,0.06506553889830329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03778667412518782,0.033746793407267134,0.0812489500520152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202823687028293,0.0,0.0,0.5371670515331569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03758217556183633,0.0,0.0,0.0430805884415034,0.0,0.03983152343167553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03974015999217391,0.08389200210851393,0.062214731392269185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039023534492071035,0.13477579563259734,0.037288341548643515,0.0,0.033698007619486985,0.10131729645237053,0.0,0.0,0.04165865548105061,0.03244422040799436,0.0,0.0,0.07642088920767955,0.0,0.03833915692857278,0.0,0.0,0.07688899916317915,0.1538344789575887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523039077958121,0.0,0.028053679473998103,0.3961560378031369,0.0,0.0,0.04058603604556717,0.035812730765124506,0.0,0.07323550686941524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775792807525001,0.11609658680852525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04132604901100609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974295634814747,0.041890742435391315,0.10822711807977828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03651616451796777,0.0,0.11509094763909407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02444774480678968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260216748707944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030410410002761373,0.0,0.0,0.04311253340347776,0.0,0.03156824662667376,0.12868806307114053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402294079883981,0.12202779357480673,0.030476459863856206,0.0,0.043714782539633325,0.03989551898750747,0.0,0.12523007753330698,0.0,0.035967513506718986,0.0,0.028693298160215232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728382551859908,0.044309368442438365,0.050706669111795125,0.024452859138742025,0.037494263267575635,0.0,0.06675822722304041,0.0,0.0,0.07293142082452081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03727901919471169,0.0,0.04590454476755769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254555828540612,0.0,0.030611492923350477,0.0,0.0,0.03537683186359103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132820306645966,0.0,0.0,0.07372580464751688 bpd,AllFuzzy_SpillingOut,2018/03/17,Would anyone from the UK be willing to call me? I know it's a lot to ask. I'm crippled by loneliness and i feel so lost. I just want to have a normal conversation with someone about anything. I'm really respectful of privacy and boundaries.,1.3118750000000006,3.8976931041666703,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,86.70833333333334,7.366666666666666,26.75,8.344100000000001,2.4576,191,9,36,5,6,66,39,48,0.124,0.772,0.104,-0.2346,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,11,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,8,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23989277405587325,0.0,0.2823294456126453,0.0,0.3207378476426393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503278009210817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347391456606692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885503587941477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745174386313389,0.2916783123526343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361501267681916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197888208253949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29069452229943343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20236022373577267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437175015949548,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Natlynne90,2018/03/17,"I feel like I will never get past this...recent death of an ex I found out yesterday that someone I used to date passed away of an overdose. We dated 9 years ago but also ""kinda"" saw eachother on and off until about a year ago. Needless to stay we remained friends and we cared deeply for each other as friends. The last time we talked my BPD came out with a rage. He made a horrible comment to me and I came back with the most cruel words I have ever said to anyone... by far, ever. He came with a poke at my self esteem and I basically destroyed him in a very touchy subject. Those were my last words to him. I absolutely can not shake this feeling of guilt, self hate and blame for this. I don't know what to do, my heart hurts so bad and I feel like this will never go away. I just want one last chance to talk to him. And thank him for never giving up on me when everyone else did. I'm heartbroken. ",1.969204545454545,3.583472294117648,3.1659859625668467,93.18074364973265,77.39572192513369,5.958422459893049,20.778409090909093,6.6274283507984215,0.1336954545454545,697,17,157,6,16,225,119,187,0.23,0.644,0.126,-0.984,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,4,0,0,0,8,14,4,2,9,0,8,1,1,2,5,40,28,13,1,1,3,1,3,2,2,2,0,1,0,2,7,20,0,0,5,0,0,6,5,8,0,1,9,5,25,6,31,17,2,38,0,1,1,0,20,11,0,2,22,102,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111163729697552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522909124581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326425518103657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376117643309545,0.09156599488422117,0.09942772213417436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997844311296832,0.0,0.0,0.40859107267398104,0.12141109050388303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947695654097148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154312965281759,0.0,0.11378706858641695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063290584548605,0.17014308502983755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056625040121014,0.18400348358097307,0.0,0.06221494587693065,0.11423341623508043,0.06767651814569878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756790639201745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111164514032212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747875179486848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544384361262738,0.29120090468486315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163539947337127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267739075791447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755279943898927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069241706862658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367635871019115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132733699409471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24845506000909404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089700692206807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692457983100405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142571191601868,0.0,0.10963385319101217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943713142983884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028478135628087,0.0,0.09825435660041257,0.07023710228013229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533686138781533 bpd,SaschaPanzer,2018/03/17,"Do I or Don't I? Internally torn. A few months ago I told my mom I didn't want a relationship after years of tension between us and feelings of her not wanting me. She is emotionally distant not just with me but with everyone which puts me off. My grandma doesn't agree with but respects my decision. She wants me to go to lunch with them for my moms birthday. I'm hesitant to do this as I have history of giving a person another chance and getting burned by it. I don't know if I want to or if its just my want to make my grandma happy which will in turn make me somewhat happy. I honestly don't know what to do. Do I go and give her another shot despite all my mind telling me that it'll turn out like before? Or do I not go thus feeling like I upset my grandma and then I feel like crap. I need some help with this please, my anxiety about it is up making my hands shake and my heart race a bit. Though trying to distract my thoughts from it and breathing can only do so much it seems.",3.0299679487179496,3.945328086538467,4.5112692307692335,87.41706410256411,73.42307692307692,7.662051282051284,27.80897435897436,8.021203637495839,1.5868239743589738,774,29,171,11,15,259,118,208,0.114,0.7090000000000001,0.177,0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,0,5,12,1,4,4,0,17,5,4,4,1,46,43,17,0,8,12,2,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,12,1,0,8,0,0,5,8,5,0,0,3,4,37,7,26,38,6,14,0,0,0,0,15,4,1,8,8,121,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780161473176024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504136852791953,0.09303277324324036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034827726631081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276870131832186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679702282303058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620538527314125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18447189718083173,0.1737591361925048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353720018620278,0.2333224382976897,0.2073445417681967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258916265091005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411069108089658,0.081513895387702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366944337765266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824029945676315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435306695768817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279335478873267,0.2848607829380209,0.09706946105767776,0.0,0.08939874185226622,0.09017368544065894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249133258655398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618682326897724,0.0,0.13349335057643336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225355236148296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056567227941124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071090944199784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629416384311187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948307764426015,0.09654626712715507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620538527314125,0.0,0.08256649960128863,0.2645576583486981,0.0,0.0,0.14628414612508686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35864925743882425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783140785940149 bpd,Be-reddit,2018/03/17,"New and full with questions: emotions (vs rationality). Which one is worse? intro about me: So I've not gotten a clear diagnoses yet. Last therapist concluded I've some personality/ego structure/identity structure problems. And since I have some BPD symptoms they send me to a clinic specialized in BPD. I've already gotten an intake, next week i'll hear the results. Although acknowledging that I'm in need of some help, I'm also in doubt and still a little in denial about it all. Emotional struggles: According to the therapist i'm very out of touch with my emotions. Sometimes I can get overwhelmed by them, feeling of tearing my chest apart, but unable to put them to words. I try to numb them with (soft)drugs (and other addictive behaviors). Acting on them often resulted in shameful and harming behavior to myself and others. So i've come to this ""theory"" about myself and was wondering if it sounds familiar to anyone. The constant battle between emotions/feelings and the rational mind. Feelings/mood/emotion screaming 'A' and driving me to act on A. But often I can be very conscious of my irrational and overreacting of A. My rationality tells me: ""if you act on A you're going to fck up, remember all those idiotic things you did/said in the past?"". So my rationality pleads to do 'B'. But then I also remember that if I do B, the feeling of A won't leave. The latter would result in a terrible feeling of discomfort and impulsiveness to act on A anyway while also trying to suppress these tendencies. This never ending cycle drives me to desperation and more devaluating of my emotions and suppressing them. Does this sound familiar? If so how to deal with this?",5.586396174863388,7.665248190163936,6.698709016393442,69.67112363387983,68.73770491803279,9.673497267759563,33.69193989071038,10.02789654360092,3.91898087431694,1338,64,212,35,24,448,171,305,0.156,0.8109999999999999,0.033,-0.9921,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,2,6,1,16,13,2,5,18,0,10,6,1,5,4,59,24,31,0,7,9,0,4,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,14,19,0,2,10,0,0,10,3,12,0,1,3,8,27,1,45,18,7,38,0,1,0,0,14,16,0,12,12,160,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095037286049736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231185096836163,0.244169613289234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116383142448021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25636548648136004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876706250748797,0.0,0.1099832138422328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049261237863167,0.0,0.10330004156659653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906447024038876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802732717272575,0.0,0.0,0.5724189794182898,0.09014292930542857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584310571770686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317352459158736,0.0,0.057841390861479235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470844242131947,0.0,0.06821800627430337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296065759387783,0.0,0.10776561292495417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200583916297656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027642932236106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754652812248745,0.07849557893662669,0.0982954610359814,0.10823945275081492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896574710264647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715627925346773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738545689817987,0.0,0.10231253901417356,0.11401190917393113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305837178914219,0.0,0.0968118550491307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418978722971705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065862200190624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127808623001169,0.0,0.0,0.1063979033963628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578376630342128,0.0,0.0,0.08895631722030575,0.0,0.0,0.23633851734419786,0.06761515351382544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819783635803906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795097619332305,0.0,0.0,0.08163820773698807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037124324200874,0.0,0.0,0.10371798105631368,0.07229843110930596,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,isellyousleep,2018/03/17,"Sleeping all the time So I have an obsession with sleeping. I sleep 12 hours a night, at work and take naps at home. My boyfriend feels so alone and I just want to sleep. What is wrong with me?",-0.551916666666667,1.6635489750000012,-0.009999999999999787,107.00833333333334,96.75,3.6666666666666674,16.666666666666668,5.46131890053228,-1.0043333333333333,149,4,37,1,6,44,32,40,0.201,0.768,0.031,-0.7952,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,0,2,4,4,0,1,8,5,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,5,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150866833441448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500575077995096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083130351493467,0.0,0.2045161544652601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948871204896553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8312922491536243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614431338592816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109584491820152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224909651374764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118847799600346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22705791549040535,0.0,0.0 bpd,brainofcain,2018/03/17,"Unable to eat for days? I was wondering if anyone else with BPD go through a few days to a week every so often without being able to eat whatsoever? I’m wondering if this is possibly a borderline thing or if it’s linked to something else. But if other people with BPD have noticed this, is there any way to get past it or help? Everytime I even think about eating I feel like I have sick rising in my chest and getting trapped in my throat. I’ve been completely unable to eat for four days now and I wondered if anyone had any tips? And if not, is there somewhere I could go to learn more about why this might happen? Any answers are appreciated!",3.677441860465117,5.197111201550388,4.716968992248066,84.22056976744187,72.64341085271317,7.640620155038762,26.078294573643408,8.238735603445708,1.605523410852713,511,17,102,8,10,167,82,129,0.052000000000000005,0.872,0.076,0.4682,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,3,0,12,7,2,0,0,27,23,13,0,7,11,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,8,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,1,8,1,17,17,2,12,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,13,7,69,15,1,0.1236237692436427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25220520697607524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288122770192108,0.12666716077126827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113996194143329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961717001132309,0.0,0.0,0.09870352038339213,0.0,0.0,0.23918131206867102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059919145762881,0.20654359229493915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165233366189023,0.0,0.10415835743721616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625078922082388,0.08831684544885543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917663409378544,0.0,0.14051647394408467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093200908683856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082862406646798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060396329174660035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114528306524612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407464806567128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801287606411973,0.08570515590935188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936722500955476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517161727466672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213013912220919,0.07921311962230636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981267938127941,0.0991635308164414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155122329512747,0.0,0.0,0.11916890202637845,0.4021941129233936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lecollecteur,2018/03/17,Seroquel for BPD?? I recently got prescribed seroquel and I was wondering if anyone else with bpd has had any experience with it ?? Did you find it good ? ,3.4223809523809554,6.228491714285713,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,78.28571428571429,8.019047619047619,30.76190476190476,8.841846274778883,3.085533333333333,120,6,21,3,3,39,23,28,0.0,0.871,0.129,0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17963932263301713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470831954284486,0.2706653431182725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6654059688594375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206735823910208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584012745018847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24143942225776285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156668095500887,0.21127460552812305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26082825745394744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28647258666392017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Bak8976,2018/03/17,"Loneliness I don't know how to explain it, I just can't put a finger on anything. I just feel empty and alone all the time. I don't have the energy to do anything but listen to the intrusive thoughts in my head tell me I'm worthless and she's better off without me -which in all honesty at the moment is true. I'm so touch starved I sit in the shower and cry some days. I'm just waiting for it to pass by because I know with this disorder I can't have a healthy relationship or even intimacy because I misconstrue even the slightest bit of attention as something monumental. I just wish I knew how to feel the happiness I see everyone have. ",2.8971408743927825,4.650675244274812,4.637751561415687,83.02360860513535,75.18320610687023,8.122414989590563,30.22970159611381,8.841846274778883,2.5461236641221374,511,24,103,11,11,173,81,131,0.18600000000000005,0.672,0.142,-0.5104,1,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,9,0,9,2,2,2,3,27,23,9,0,1,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,1,8,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,2,6,15,3,17,21,4,12,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,2,3,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868968820602232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316290326667793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24566088931784424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820735014998446,0.2199820776921188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221334531065172,0.12994862440186294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23093253698836586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617318084244396,0.0,0.0,0.1925386166888046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376544981210987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449685572522328,0.0,0.0,0.20679362236418136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147450103970573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255971615811824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633191842729552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605666860367116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551219111557436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611689183200174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996577676186854,0.11749427591753445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317111223020891,0.19423551224640173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jrt364,2018/03/17,"For those who get psychosis, what is it like for you? Are there any good resources for learning about this? So, I've never been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but I'm trying to understand BPD psychosis. What is your psychosis like? I'm trying to do some research on myself and talk to my therapist about what I'm finding. So I'm just looking for personal experiences! Or if you can point me to some helpful resources, that would be awesome too. <3 If you need me to explain what my psychosis is like, I can. But I do have a diagnosis of Bipolar I disorder, so I'm no stranger to psychosis.",3.0554022988505736,5.67161431034483,4.354137931034483,81.06298850574714,78.3103448275862,7.314942528735633,32.08045977011494,8.344100000000001,2.863939080459772,484,26,87,10,12,159,70,116,0.068,0.77,0.162,0.9147,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,0,1,17,22,9,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,9,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,12,4,15,19,2,3,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,5,4,65,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622921050197787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523048085251577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033276597861856,0.0,0.0,0.4591841309799214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195958218401936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830952232291674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466257470787642,0.0,0.0,0.16802475971091635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427494665712394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936089189195769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682242028890398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853991144493262,0.15450451061490278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34983557005380234,0.0,0.0,0.18937373999163892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101523188697142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259505475587125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27201772843507405,0.0,0.0,0.2085474428193696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230653328625062,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Manoftheworld123,2018/03/17,"Need advice pls I have been crazy for the past 2 years, diagnosed depressed bi polar and bpd.. Tried all the meds possible and did ECT. I lost my girlfriend caus yeah she didnt sign up for this shit, it broke me even more. I am still suffering now. My story is so long and complicated that i dont have the will to explain. i fell into alcohol because thats the only thing that made me feel kinda human possible to interact with others. I used to be charismatic and social now the only thing i want is to drink alone in my room.. Im stuck in the cycle of self loathing and why this shit happenned to me. Used to be the smartest in the room, the one the girls usually wanted. Now i just sit in my room alone drinking. i used to have a great memory and humor and creativity and problem solving mind, now im stuck in this cycle of self destruction unable to advance or improve just watching life go by.. Its like a was Usain Bolt and now im a disabled man without a weelchair. Im just a big void, how does one accept that.. The pain is overwhelming that if i knew i am gonna be a ghost without feelings hurting all around me ofr the rest of my life i would end it for sure, but i guess there is always hope until it runs out.. Just venting thank you for reading ",2.379101479915434,4.0789377558139535,3.7565045806906276,89.0178646934461,76.48062015503876,6.706412966878082,24.517970401691326,7.520522993642371,1.0834744186046508,983,33,208,13,22,323,151,258,0.12,0.765,0.115,-0.078,0,2,3,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,15,18,3,1,18,1,19,10,2,6,3,46,39,15,1,7,9,0,2,1,1,3,5,0,3,5,15,13,3,0,5,3,0,4,4,11,0,2,9,3,24,7,29,24,4,30,0,6,1,1,11,13,2,5,13,137,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001042763275459,0.0,0.10947840236915282,0.0,0.21219621027121366,0.0,0.0,0.08523921777786636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119431509813083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624471555988437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902100383873033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523524839069368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823238608262794,0.1039755798834794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964691397814338,0.0,0.12006022906570805,0.2007065946590039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073242570657593,0.0,0.0,0.0676613932582548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035946160206375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05821964894575635,0.0,0.0,0.11294169585379232,0.11285044239933956,0.0,0.09058834362166293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174714606846473,0.0,0.0,0.1096653371197724,0.0,0.4426159520054985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447143844371252,0.05004755646743972,0.0,0.0,0.09065716708824427,0.0,0.0,0.11182658310644784,0.0,0.0,0.09693226415588756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378899002301562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343632797429538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595879205302725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388335074864833,0.15582217504623924,0.10900457374160301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779163997904086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23097394026067744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980223163480326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024688414819874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373685834996836,0.0,0.21030867401490574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442582057530203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180961032950476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654954275038836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431401940049396,0.0,0.0,0.13611465569407535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955079570178882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654287084143916,0.1128244203130662,0.0,0.12084485283102216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243717661597924,0.0,0.0,0.19749916707952103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277123208522199,0.0,0.0,0.06596872226833696 bpd,qhost_liqhts,2018/03/17,"Scared about leaving for college/ Advice needed? Or more specifically, I'm scared of leaving the friends I've grown up with. I'm scared we'll grow apart and my attachment and how much I care for them will hurt me if I don't cut my ties right now. I'll probably regret my actions. Have any of you experienced this? Do you have any advice for this situation? ",1.9138380281690144,4.4676367746478896,3.1613908450704247,88.20433978873241,82.66197183098592,6.366901408450705,22.959507042253517,7.6454224807358475,1.127069014084508,285,10,58,5,8,92,49,71,0.199,0.6729999999999999,0.128,-0.7686,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,2,1,0,3,8,1,3,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,8,10,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,0,1,10,2,8,8,2,7,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,2,1,34,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817966028111249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656957197315212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917708368477688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093051670730942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091311914661154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41370473120968254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360814432190908,0.14485299641241328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106253520943186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683180228046662,0.0,0.0,0.5867522486390203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958680977013265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lostlikethought,2018/03/17,"Are there any little things I can do to try and show my BPD partner I won’t leave? He’s just recently started DBT and is doing somewhat well according to his doctors. It’s just he has a constant fear and thoughts about me leaving and does things to push me away. Essentially a self fulfilling prophecy. I’ve told him I’m fine waiting out the bad times with him and just want to help him get better. Logically, he knows that. Emotionally, not so much. I’ve asked him what can I do to help and he doesn’t really know. I guess I’m just hopeful someone with more experience could give me some advice. 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Basically when she was sleeping before work, I took her debit card and put gas in my car and got $20 from the ATM. I’ve done this before but I’ve never felt bad about it. I just know there’s no way to justify it, and I’m afraid of when I come back home in the morning. I’m currently out of treatment, looking for a new psychiatrist and have been acting out more lately. I don’t know if I should text her about it or wait for her to come home. She may not even notice, and that’s my argument as to why I shouldn’t say anything. Im sorry if this post seems unnecessary but I am experiencing very bad anxiety at the moment and I don’t have any of my medicine to calm me down. How do I bring it up to her? ",2.112657761400275,3.2676685568862283,4.046347305389222,88.93268079226166,76.0059880239521,7.29415016121603,22.426992169507137,7.882392219407189,0.7974278212805159,607,16,141,9,13,207,105,167,0.081,0.853,0.066,0.1612,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,1,4,0,12,2,2,2,1,29,26,15,0,4,8,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,8,10,0,1,4,0,3,7,6,3,0,0,7,4,20,1,22,16,1,25,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,5,8,89,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092137938040657,0.0,0.245717765641773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132160462804495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234918108169429,0.2681892872409315,0.0,0.0,0.2733182597353347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766860850792464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434999041110984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607506370417318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542015900941386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128446828155334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32219063452974545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347601432866766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765235831219444,0.0,0.1811642706492005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486390576204774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196400192470294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880932725704336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386494571844475,0.15510888779380938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284464426479896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381080968512192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144778168383658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771590116005482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462045919513259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071640514625365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977902325479986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784329774785587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325121671268979,0.0,0.12747713920681886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449169005543297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691901955198307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,feelinrealweird,2018/03/17,"Going batshit crazy in front of my boyfriend I feel like my head and ears are going to explode from all the crying I’ve done tonight. My boyfriend of almost 2 years and I have gotten into this fun pattern of fights where I’ll instigate a fight by miscommunicating, he feels hurt and I do a shitty job at apologizing because I say I’m sorry and then explain why I did what I did (which he sees as a justification). He then picks up his phone and starts browsing the internet which drives me absolutely nuts, so I ask him to stop. He doesn’t and I get more mad. He finally stops and I’m now angry about THIS thing instead. Up until then things are tense but then the worst part, he gets up to leave the place. Usually at my apartment. I start panicking when he’s leaving because I feel like he wasn’t being fair or listening to me or trying to see that I’m trying, and I keep begging him to stay. I’ve self-harmed SO many times in my apartment in this exact same situation. I feel like I’m in the Truman Show, it’s eerily the same each time. I resisted the urge to self-harm tonight but I still jumped around and cried obsessively begging him not to leave. I physically blocked him from leaving my apartment like a psychopath. He keeps telling me he won’t do it again because he knows it hurts me and triggers me but then he does it again when things get tough or tense! I’m so confused and I feel like my reality is distorted. I get that he’s in Emotional Mind too when this happens but I don’t know how to stay grounded and not escalate to batshit crazy behaviour like running around, physically holding him and trying to hurt myself with any item I can find. I look and feel pathetic, like a rabid disgusting animal. I’m in DBT and I thought I was getting better so it shocks me every time our small fight turns into this nightmare. Please. I need help. I can’t go on like this anymore. I love him but I hate myself and my crying and I bet my neighbours hate me because the walls are thin. I want to die so badly every time this happens. I can’t live it down and the threat of him leaving me is always in the back of my mind. ",2.735407282282285,4.544798247685186,3.9320320320320334,87.66752252252255,75.7824074074074,6.7998998998999,25.56456456456457,7.63319966405982,1.2518951951951958,1681,60,351,23,37,548,206,432,0.236,0.662,0.101,-0.9961,1,0,0,0,3,3,34.0,1,0,0,1,20,28,8,2,15,0,20,3,2,4,2,66,62,42,1,2,10,0,7,8,1,1,0,3,0,0,21,24,0,6,12,1,1,7,8,17,0,0,7,13,58,11,42,53,8,63,0,3,3,1,35,27,0,6,35,214,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746221216532042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062007528744847634,0.0,0.0,0.05067690652995194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390491129311606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326791648780798,0.06966717314237719,0.0,0.0,0.057302129483865163,0.062222009548656323,0.1817094946094049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590786107905451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24557380231225495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773411411553612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652139207784944,0.07626096312709775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382621234963072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557448930052864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22608065740764444,0.2129515679153964,0.0,0.0816342274691178,0.06811093949289597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467100690487227,0.0,0.12705618316184258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317975332834877,0.0,0.0,0.14714832517771806,0.07648015260505299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049949925540811665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393291511011532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395069746845727,0.13247556351972112,0.0,0.0,0.08190970032825612,0.0,0.0,0.39453544858940254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912579798046883,0.0,0.06580350060548497,0.0,0.06257895920023533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725820635241274,0.0,0.0,0.07555270346143579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049014402835253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0552564547685821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080699094196461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785869324369228,0.08180179452560324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926217339439897,0.0,0.0,0.1187673440890639,0.0,0.15548352898436035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376484382342247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834202754083833,0.10549284271366824,0.1588591641986228,0.05951265035457401,0.12460596047198963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513473002527248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852553165504925,0.0,0.0,0.05916143292266556,0.17381542137828898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178481488220133,0.08105756247395986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207446839686779,0.0,0.04395447823743541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672437058379041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798914805828907 bpd,universal_greasetrap,2018/03/17,"Self Injury I just cut myself for the first time in two years. It wasn't big. It wasn't a lot. But i feel like shit about it. I've been fighting the urge for months. Things have been stressful. My boyfriend and i have been fighting a lot, my best friend just got out of a psych hold and will be moving in with us which is what the fighting is about, i keep wanting to make him break up with me. I keep feeling shame and sadness. I'm medicated and i have therapy on monday, but i can't really get back into my body. I'll be okay, but i needed to tell someone i relapsed. I hope everyone is having a better night than i am.",1.2329545454545432,2.9352639621212155,2.824242424242424,94.40636363636366,79.83333333333334,5.612121212121212,20.848484848484848,6.42735559955562,0.07813939393939373,481,13,111,4,12,158,85,132,0.132,0.731,0.13699999999999998,0.5574,0,0,0,0,6,1,15.0,1,0,0,3,5,14,5,2,7,1,17,3,2,1,0,24,28,7,0,3,5,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,8,0,2,6,2,18,6,16,19,3,16,0,1,0,0,8,7,1,3,8,79,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828135311562026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872483498330794,0.15904868271142011,0.0,0.19975518876959486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183922733635962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818590891309479,0.12847354550639134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296682756547872,0.0,0.0,0.1389394104205238,0.0,0.09395591573875386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382978987212522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786158780877021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31968969291829685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785787700188108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057771096962271,0.0,0.0,0.12004068484558172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811639764794548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435418947831117,0.19113523067490928,0.0,0.1333447360961183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876215803586753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520635496251735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760622832702148,0.0,0.1845971603633772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523728831881446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059993997062495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718296481898494,0.0,0.20565601172320566,0.0,0.11947381173248353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048627331874258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756718237997845,0.0,0.2163183279553576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607083507908878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580729002810596 bpd,The_Bad_Company,2018/03/17,Am I weak for going to therapy I got diagnosed with bpd last year with a few other things. I was in disbelief and now I’m going to start therapy next week. The only thought running through my head is I’m weak or I don’t need it. I don’t know what to do.,-1.0801503759398514,0.8872606842105277,2.076942355889724,94.67526315789476,91.28070175438593,6.064160401002509,20.423558897243108,7.447530270364453,0.6835032581453628,197,7,48,4,7,70,41,57,0.114,0.8859999999999999,0.0,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,0,7,15,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,3,0,6,0,8,12,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082981788963618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24845165495563495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782339496970202,0.0,0.19577695175477755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512200634773045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345274519922438,0.19953247223156773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150499968506675,0.0,0.0,0.2603316587253747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861700473919457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326010566287794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5598660349988743,0.0,0.16262429845934803,0.0,0.0,0.19433197277980294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963517875913948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763353511703926 bpd,atomiclightbulb,2018/03/17,"Getting over screwing up your own life? I applied for an internal position at work that I would've been a shoe in for. Worked really hard to make a good impression with the team I would've been working with. Hell even the supervisor asked me to apply. Then I missed the email to schedule a phone interview four days ago, and the one saying they decided to go with other applicants. Even went as far to talk to the supervisor and it's too late to fix it. I had a break down at work. Had to leave early because I couldn't keep it together. Now I feel like the world is ending and I'm a total screw up. I don't know how to get over it. Disappointment if I didn't get the job was my biggest worry and now that's happened without even getting the chance to get it and I'm crushed. ",2.2238509316770205,3.977127006211184,3.773260869565217,88.49293478260874,77.07453416149067,7.3329192546583855,24.54347826086957,8.192908349453996,1.3602844720496898,612,21,133,11,14,203,100,161,0.141,0.8,0.06,-0.8932,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,5,7,8,3,0,14,0,9,4,1,2,1,18,25,9,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,8,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,5,0,2,7,3,13,3,25,17,2,23,1,2,0,2,9,11,3,1,10,87,21,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429014541310664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070802316525356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827109916952728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396603375490207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278272755577334,0.0,0.0,0.3194297365380783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151177332872525,0.11516726021336425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211234831972347,0.0,0.09161840663995632,0.13521389526358454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255599016927026,0.0,0.14441099543845126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599743885744612,0.14328936710951276,0.0,0.0,0.08859587993689465,0.0,0.1818500133231927,0.17069634045293913,0.0,0.0,0.11386620805945205,0.07875824507362114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760780932222193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923893371462168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327418152822274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281993311612299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957314587245486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944173315974948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539907340735645,0.0,0.4694463248646449,0.16371488016060556,0.0,0.22903553881220975,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throw-it-all-away-k,2018/03/18,"What should I know before beginning therapy? I’m not diagnosed, but I’ve been rolling the idea of BPD around in my head and it seems to match my experience. I’ve been considering therapy for awhile but there is always an excuse, but I have a few sessions paid for by my college so I felt like this was overdue. I didn’t mention BPD when I scheduled the appointment, and the clinics website didn’t mention offering services specifically for BPD. But I don’t really know what I’m getting into and that makes me a bit nervous. Can you comfort me or give me any advice? My first day is Tuesday morning. 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I didn't think it'd be this hard. I've always coped with my history of abuse by dissociating, pretending it's not there, and simply just ignoring it. I've legitimately disconnected from so much from being abused as a child that when I hear other victims speak, I think about how sorry I feel for them, feel so much compassion, and think about how hard it must be for them. For those seconds, it fails to dawn on me that I'm one in the same. So, I've started reading this book to begin confronting my past head on. And holy shit am I fucking scared. Like, I don't know why I'm so scared but...every part of me wants to put it away. I think that's its the part of me that remembers and is still in pain. I feel my breath becoming shallow, myself crying, and my heartbeat quickening...and it's all subconscious. But I keep reading. This fear I feel... Pronanmy indicates that there's something there that needs healing. So, slowly, I try to work through the fear. ",3.550652985074628,5.187875691542292,4.279524253731342,86.7557042910448,73.17910447761193,7.6120646766169155,26.492848258706466,8.278499904357787,1.5993803482587068,798,28,165,13,16,255,112,201,0.225,0.7240000000000001,0.05,-0.9872,0,0,1,0,2,0,34.0,0,0,2,2,16,14,5,4,5,0,9,8,4,2,2,30,28,16,0,3,4,0,6,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,19,7,0,2,10,5,0,1,3,12,0,2,1,8,22,2,24,22,6,12,0,1,0,1,5,5,3,0,7,108,41,6,0.0,0.2835575792002358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956758820408394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242550536401087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13215624005725418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144205613563995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081960443111594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693039216903165,0.24201691045506965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062472226226286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143856128047123,0.0,0.1228067703149379,0.0,0.13486671191209548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106360248687798,0.0,0.0,0.06576258945718258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846034985863768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592929572719745,0.08872716015912707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108543146399101,0.0,0.12732780513013878,0.0,0.0,0.2591625353256304,0.11423002220186372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029241643381433,0.0,0.0,0.3590803275206965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355526550446058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396031932516328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456607181055154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212093050224188,0.0,0.13395076046186313,0.16939342906268445,0.0,0.09556147750736194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066959035289888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124200533783245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057919380852583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079754950360172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711467721819123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flippydog4829363,2018/03/18,Where did the term FP come from? It’s not in the diagnostic criteria for BPD. I’ve never heard of the term FP from therapists and I was curious to see whether anyone here had the answer?,3.2475438596491237,4.763830421052635,4.876315789473686,82.66254385964915,73.73684210526315,9.27719298245614,25.824561403508767,9.725611199111238,2.3186561403508765,148,5,31,4,3,50,31,38,0.0,0.927,0.073,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,6,2,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,21,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30103321649413683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5422313937345149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37085932179396186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320475603247741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430728286660696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998729174178867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MissusSnow,2018/03/18,"Told my friend with BPD I was thinking of cutting him out of my life :/ I know that's the last thing someone with BPD would want to hear. Let me try and explain. I've been friends with him for almost a year now, and throughout that year things have never been very consistent with us. We went from being friends, to more than friends, to not friends, to casual friends, to close friends etc. I didn't understand why things were so up and down with us but then he got his BPD diagnosis and it all made sense. Now, he is in therapy and he's trying to improve himself but lately I've found that whenever I hang out with him I feel incredibly anxious and upset. This is partly because of how inconsistent he is with me (one minute he's nice, the next he's angry), and partly because I still have some feelings for him from when we were more than friends. What hurts more is he often brags about other girls he has been talking to in front of me (often deliberately to make me jealous/give himself an ego boost). So the other night I decided to ask if we could talk face-to-face. I told him about how I'd been feeling very anxious around him. Before I could say why, he told me he knew I still had feelings for him and he knew I was worried because even if he liked me back, a relationship would be too unstable between us. Then he told me that he did in fact have some feelings for me, but also knew things wouldn't work for us right now. He said he wasn't looking to be in a serious relationship with anyone until he 'got better' but wouldn't rule out anything in the future. So I was kind of relieved we were on the same page there. Then I told him that I'd been considering cutting him out of my life for a while now, not to be mean but just because I was finding it very hard to just be friends with him, especially when he spoke about other girls. He kept on saying that I shouldn't cut him out, how I'd regret it. He said it would just be me 'running away' and that I should learn to face my anxieties by keeping him in his life. He seemed pretty adamant about keeping our friendship going, which I found strange because lately he'd been a lot more distant with me anyway. But he just kept going on about how we were 'connected', 'attached' etc. I don't want to cut him out of my life, but at the same time I don't believe my feelings are going to just vanish. Now I'm also really anxious that he's going to cut ME out of HIS life. I don't know why but I've heard that people with BPD like to 'abandon before they get abandoned'. I just don't know what to do. Any advice?",5.352864385297849,5.002697543726238,5.7400152091254775,85.1382864385298,67.85931558935361,8.458200253485426,30.0808618504436,7.675431598112923,1.6848813181242082,2012,66,434,19,30,646,208,526,0.081,0.8029999999999999,0.116,0.9597,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,10,0,1,2,37,27,5,1,12,0,49,6,1,6,3,109,97,35,0,14,18,0,7,2,9,7,5,7,0,2,24,34,0,6,22,1,0,8,12,11,0,1,38,15,68,16,76,42,15,56,0,4,1,0,82,23,0,9,27,300,92,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580014993469213,0.0,0.0,0.059435950862223225,0.0,0.0,0.09493313022871162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04036376961193477,0.0,0.04540678854045396,0.2011644316050694,0.0,0.04150273974627379,0.0,0.048844512095400916,0.052838971537039855,0.05548937215754612,0.0,0.05576643813501533,0.04564070917377247,0.0,0.18091278352744772,0.0,0.10101430306948372,0.06687331317409903,0.0,0.05249510876592335,0.0,0.0,0.2990246548670976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947810603375865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323941258939059,0.03920374234602552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007151963633414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05424984392286837,0.0,0.0,0.1301604655747256,0.4127211495123853,0.0,0.031010794505333342,0.0,0.13493237468721664,0.0,0.09494401757248856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053170861784440256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689795275517976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354128127873075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055157761447189,0.0,0.06180961053640537,0.09786067755768407,0.0483826476508968,0.13391115952839105,0.0,0.0,0.06069501152446032,0.2096226950124391,0.05799618997819842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984366380414418,0.0,0.0,0.050461916307592766,0.0,0.05616360122056282,0.039620251484498915,0.0,0.0,0.06465553091074493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045778614200910464,0.0,0.0631252385920701,0.05570110792894167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04022081717797812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285524263053656,0.0,0.041149624258251666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038587354796295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038024647744213436,0.0,0.0,0.12745116941387533,0.0,0.05068926543488999,0.11292132938969007,0.09440373840420836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403501023247633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050291715338832206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480274438171912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541539145605793,0.0,0.0,0.06787817742171409,0.0,0.15773260449961185,0.03803260228858847,0.0,0.0,0.03461066442250175,0.0,0.0,0.2835835787977487,0.0,0.08059696507421038,0.0,0.0,0.06179115994360813,0.2855893921405941,0.0,0.0,0.14692349011199313,0.07001881347828694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502313528508878,0.16067729678939704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043211504738276535,0.060278382810440616,0.0,0.12649331452499207,0.0,0.0,0.07644598096977186 bpd,the_tabinator,2018/03/18,"Ruining relationships Basic back story me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years all happy with intermittent boughts of my bad mental health. It’s come to an all time head. My social anxiety is at its worst and completely cripples me, the cycling depression and self hate makes me feel so isolated and alone. When we were once us it feels more like me and him. I feel I’ve broken us in terms of our relationship. I have tried everything from counselling to hypnotherapy. I’m now on my 9th week of group cbt which is the only therapy I can get and will get as I’ve a diagnosis of bpd with others which in the uk you get turned away for not meeting such high criteria that you can go without help in a crisis. I don’t know what to do , where to go from here. I feel like a lost cause. It’s so frustrating as I want to be ‘normal’ but every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere I get knocked back. I got given an book about bpd and it explains how it’s thought highly sensitive people who have some form of neglect be it physical or lack of emotional support this can lead to the brain not developing properly to cope with emotions. This makes me angry/frustrated as I know the lack of emotional support among some other things growing up contributed to me struggling so much. I just wish I liked myself a little bit. ",4.858505747126436,5.9259077432950225,5.662701149425288,80.28991379310347,69.26819923371647,9.324904214559387,30.208812260536398,9.586721724236666,2.71108582375479,1055,41,206,23,18,345,161,261,0.135,0.743,0.122,-0.1079,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,4,2,0,2,13,16,2,1,11,0,15,3,2,5,2,42,46,17,0,5,6,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,17,12,0,1,9,1,1,5,4,9,0,0,7,5,30,7,35,36,12,26,0,4,0,0,16,12,0,3,13,141,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285161251962606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596922121489759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933017509324945,0.1527211786201545,0.08291680187087112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841700713892367,0.0,0.2501461883179443,0.11085892658819388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201515830138792,0.0,0.08554377966757737,0.10412100400081307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855325660477508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335119429189024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367003191391309,0.0,0.08925030299752934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510618189753667,0.21283380784002964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594178077278581,0.0,0.1128763754403377,0.0,0.07942450133386371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057136444132756,0.0,0.09804463575586048,0.10191714646644856,0.10555819424311033,0.0,0.0,0.0665630716457901,0.20984559581579276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915254011700604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940646113807252,0.09953122864940374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840480497137724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325757555804311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007762190534736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300172357918827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729931152626517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575821006490564,0.0,0.07552708858154049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884664184959738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323609078131212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359836543770436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123049814252022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381674360661708,0.0,0.0,0.2253837396336625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135656680855129,0.0,0.0659748437910181,0.0,0.0,0.07883828966034134,0.11581286879890552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742261306937662,0.10801698460949542,0.0,0.0,0.2389070489848391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857356247070378,0.0,0.0796577057497203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419760493376604,0.09572794810731566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395014738939725 bpd,_Youre_Okay_,2018/03/18,"To be honest with PCP or not? I've only just seen a counselor for my first appointment last week but I need to make an appt with a Primary Care Physician. I took a look at the patient forms for the PCP I'm going to try to get an appt with this week for a UTI that I don't think is going away. Anyway, on the form it asks if you have anxiety and depression which I typically check 'yes' on but it also asked about suicidal thoughts, which I do have, but I'm not sure about being honest about that with my PCP, especially a new one. What do you think? Do you reveal this kind of stuff to yours? It's uncomfortable for me to talk about in the first place but I also worry about them potentially using psych stuff against me in the sense that I'm concerned it will negatively impact the quality of care I get for chronic medical conditions because pointing to psych is the easy answer. I really do need to get and keep a good PCP. The whole process scares me for various reasons though and I typically convince myself they don't really care about me and won't take me seriously. Working on it...",4.430410958904113,5.343041721461192,5.567926940639271,81.14750684931509,70.14155251141553,9.127671232876713,27.842009132420092,9.3871,2.246074337899544,863,29,176,18,15,287,118,219,0.11,0.7559999999999999,0.134,0.7072,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,2,3,11,12,0,1,16,1,14,3,0,3,1,29,39,13,1,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,15,8,0,1,6,0,1,3,6,3,0,3,3,2,23,9,34,32,4,18,0,1,2,0,9,9,0,2,6,127,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073537638092048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991779001036694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424007328222919,0.0,0.12180553631456435,0.0,0.0,0.07903025317977089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39654447377604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166285708126787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22055156340187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032021364060085,0.0,0.14736022968853052,0.10873988859806824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523423525668094,0.0,0.13500508572115452,0.0,0.10567779730109282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886896141452757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653889583737134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060347423214966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922599199151184,0.0,0.12521173419127374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785065661738127,0.09860069547471023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545119923472929,0.0,0.12255621984235752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610752870544745,0.1332964238050523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979703921366542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968245064998529,0.14181034462854367,0.0,0.12218866871969412,0.0,0.0974767383549881,0.10420356147573097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614227747464055,0.12737533586899086,0.1029234720487588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404011829871768,0.08802029396625825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197146251636678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207986441271666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447437644442492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943829422431816,0.13166056488356204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ghostgrl17,2018/03/18,"been doing badly lately this is my first time posting on reddit in general so i'm sorry if i'm not doing this right or whatever. that being said- i've been struggling a lot lately and i just need to vent somewhere i guess and see if anyone is feeling the same way. I've struggled with mental illness my entire life. I had a very serious battle with OCD starting when I was >9 and lasting until I was in middle school. I feel like my childhood was ruined by mental illness, and i think that's part of what makes growing up now so difficult for me. i then struggled with really bad depression and self harm, and was diagnosed with bpd at 18. I'm now 20, and for awhile I felt like I was doing better. I've seen therapists on and off over the years, and at the beginning of this school year, I started seeing a new one. This generally just made me feel shittier, and I felt like my therapist was very condescending and not the best. it was just overall a bad experience. ANYWAYS sorry for the long introduction. I'm now at a point where I just feel completely hopeless and like nothing I'm doing has a point. I feel very isolated and disconnected from everyone and everything, and I constantly want to drop out of school, but I know if I did this I would be even worse off because I would have 0 reason to leave my bed or room. I haven't self harmed since I was 17, but lately I want to all the time. I'm so lonely as well- I have some good friends as a support system (although I know they're getting really sick and tired of me being suicidal and depressed), but I don't have a partner. I feel like there is no point to life without love, and I don't think anyone will ever love me again because of my many issues + because i gained weight last year and am now in plus sizes. I'm on tinder, but that makes me feel worse- I have 900+ matches and yet no one ever wants to actually get to know me. Everything is just feeling super hopeless. I'm on spring break right now and going back to school later today, which I know will make me feel worse because of the added stresses of having things due. I've also constantly been full of a lot of anger and rage lately, and everyone and everything has been annoying me. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from this post- I guess I just need to get this out here. ",4.259551282051279,5.117604047008548,5.342809829059831,82.80600961538465,70.4957264957265,8.414102564102564,27.445512820512814,8.660442795831766,1.9022230769230768,1826,60,368,30,32,604,215,468,0.223,0.6859999999999999,0.09,-0.9965,0,2,0,0,0,3,45.0,0,0,0,5,27,36,4,4,16,0,40,10,0,5,4,91,93,44,1,10,19,0,12,5,2,4,7,1,2,3,15,31,1,0,18,0,0,2,9,21,1,3,19,17,46,15,50,67,8,70,0,6,4,2,7,25,0,10,42,245,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.06183644439149616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067406973506838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861448992705839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048724833445558016,0.15872483688899555,0.15451022396668124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649910450264004,0.05604241208407695,0.0,0.0,0.07980773506959134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643844192352744,0.13695308698366973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915473734558667,0.06431553999858812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185289516382802,0.11463703371069722,0.0,0.12109857971055255,0.17084884445540713,0.06198447691246217,0.0,0.0,0.2883595027795126,0.0905379064627062,0.12168332045133926,0.0,0.0,0.053899408907226116,0.0,0.0,0.04895670659299712,0.0,0.0993189517411195,0.0,0.036012572997147586,0.05314871161800889,0.0,0.0,0.1396104191027708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613803571562593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929801709004985,0.10330411122532562,0.2859201385184388,0.06709584510746694,0.0,0.0,0.0895150937466984,0.1547880580911603,0.0,0.0,0.05607725066363485,0.053211798439120835,0.0,0.0,0.10774365744711392,0.1143812605879174,0.059958799166671004,0.1268926484448247,0.06424356172586314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771681054384065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397073301261076,0.0,0.061199642904922164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06080174886217756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587739557593897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861961255797877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970512760421772,0.0,0.12137494841894028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178237334845117,0.06515119042206262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822908147150292,0.06027593640159104,0.0,0.0,0.25652063074124626,0.10098959866998257,0.0,0.13220990426583948,0.0,0.0,0.052417322838681335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186694497629646,0.08970209723827563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258597210991659,0.1987328903612216,0.0,0.0693125329470571,0.07190741503050424,0.05972206152220405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714649805497249,0.042097806006453055,0.08120523302812868,0.0,0.0,0.07389888938866843,0.07283033014447525,0.060063917276339786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685169478174515,0.11212539484637232,0.050297281535337884,0.0,0.0771631776187718,0.05697398397784521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061082927328828626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372725871265875,0.09002731397446696,0.0,0.0,0.12241760999437665 bpd,uforgan,2018/03/18,"A family member lied to me, along with an ex They (family) told me today that my ex has been sending them my personal posts from my blog for months. I feel so lost. My family were the only people I trusted. I hate that this disorder has made me psychotic and this has added to it. I don't know who to trust. I don't know who to tell. I'm scared I'm over reacting or being irrational. Sorry. I'm so hurt. I dated him over a year ago. I've blocked his IP several times. Sorry if I sound crazy. Does anyone have advice?",-0.5986850152905205,1.5970996513761475,2.2917064220183505,91.57492966360859,93.77064220183485,6.209418960244648,15.52354740061162,7.554174236665415,0.3686105198776759,398,9,88,9,15,139,74,109,0.243,0.701,0.055,-0.9564,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,2,6,1,1,4,0,9,0,0,2,0,11,19,5,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,2,18,2,10,13,0,10,0,2,0,0,12,2,0,2,6,53,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728095500435074,0.15676120923866205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365317900195033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026781227748649,0.0,0.15475705370130174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001373114474779,0.0,0.08941745367040889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459647410966836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931476514577802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437727008337868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930457141141184,0.0,0.0,0.16733372007673133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115489951992038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344975506762219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260110742991195,0.15441303789629393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693673149340885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705132580673444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997829671178157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959239342471752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456912867697087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311894369807924,0.0,0.1676270849303105,0.1689816684173965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388150067470645 bpd,evan_flowers,2018/03/18,"Recovering: dealing with identity disturbance & chronic feelings of emptiness TW: chronic feelings of emptiness, identity disturbance I was diagnosed with BPD a couple of years ago, and been recovering slowly since then, making more stabile life choices and going to therapy. My two most persisting sympthoms are these: chronic feelings of emptiness & identity disturbance. I feel like I'm finally starting to heal and externally, my life is stable: I'm not impulsive in my choices or relationships and when I slip, I have the tools to calm myself. I have a backround of unstable/ violent life as a child, and never really had any room to develop an independent identity. I based my self-image entirely on how other people saw me, couldn't handle spending any time alone and tried (unconsciously) to mold myself into something that pleased the people around me. Now, at 23, I'm finally more independent and stable, and for the past 2 years, I've been thinking loads about identity: what to study at uni & what I want from my life in general + sexual orientation + gender identity + who the hell I am. Processing the lack of identity has really brought the feelings of emptiness to the surface. Often, it's agonizing: I can't stop thinking about identity and not having any answers makes me anxious and feel like there's no meaning in my life. However, I'm coping, and I think these feelings are a part of the process of building an identity out of nothing/ from fragmented pieces. I think it's getting better, however slow it might be. I'm making this post because I'm wondering if any of you have/ have had similar experiences relating to recovering from BPD. I'd really love to hear other people's experiences relating to identity disturbance & feeling of emptiness & how these things have gotten better :) ",12.472426768278165,9.822681705882355,12.000928792569654,53.275596570612066,55.470588235294116,16.0065729935699,49.9235532269588,14.220115178616776,7.270391474160515,1473,81,217,49,13,490,169,323,0.134,0.77,0.096,-0.9327,2,1,1,0,0,0,53.0,0,1,0,3,9,12,2,4,14,0,20,11,0,7,1,51,52,18,0,4,4,0,8,2,0,1,10,1,1,1,14,16,0,1,15,0,1,2,6,6,0,1,8,10,23,6,40,41,6,28,1,0,1,1,7,11,1,6,16,142,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628837349791412,0.0,0.0,0.08913381342441126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662382800544811,0.0,0.2340992270869948,0.0,0.0,0.0972250577041766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766130276967201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246232351575237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522288986645681,0.0,0.0,0.21678302490497847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522547075410707,0.0,0.0,0.08872568151877883,0.0,0.08735066404987794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836942422334494,0.0,0.0,0.3481224538121613,0.12296478038397456,0.0,0.18855244787948308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496360904127275,0.0,0.04891076348755839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699762425719588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30393909782273576,0.08409065467879613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767391105972248,0.0,0.17234026340984576,0.0,0.0,0.09374626031353953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912977068449016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637597469574631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257838056901504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319627455380723,0.08215548978201054,0.17899273271038807,0.0,0.0,0.09446974067692288,0.0,0.0,0.0824231775372395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653997024947764,0.0,0.0,0.09239789958288444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978096842415835,0.0,0.0,0.07119100543626253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625438758308108,0.0,0.0,0.06091480970697054,0.0,0.0,0.07195131134258546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841888544645956,0.0,0.057175471274708074,0.22057907092089515,0.0,0.0,0.050183183261699814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843014481435897,0.0,0.08406963140951901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05076133335168239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333008237934357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084163614415754 bpd,throwayggez,2018/03/18,I have finally made a friend or two and I’m always so paranoid they’re in it for something and I had a dream confirm it and I feel so sad and lonely now Obv. It’s just a dream but I can’t just go ask someone for love and support especially at midnight. I work tomorrow and all I wanna do is cry myself back to sleep. This is torture :(,-1.271955168119554,0.7633197123287729,1.7077708592777086,94.63881693648815,98.45205479452056,4.298381070983811,20.334993773349925,6.11248444174946,0.16364109589041087,261,10,59,3,11,91,53,73,0.233,0.595,0.172,-0.7257,0,2,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,3,0,6,2,1,1,1,14,13,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,1,7,3,6,11,1,7,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350311915693337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640640426793423,0.0,0.0,0.2171960090116017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102714812430857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282138362032418,0.0,0.0,0.30942355135388383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182296076646787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605297868890407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549331783059844,0.2672725787493956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826662071722472,0.0,0.2393293192783893,0.2174532139920772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205347757713103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759245419966351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563585760260047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway_13719,2018/03/18,"I hurt myself to hurt other people Throwaway because this is really fucked and it feeds into the awful 'people with bpd are evil and manipulative' stereotype which is what I'm so ashamed of. Anyway, as the title says, I hurt myself physically to hurt other people emotionally. I want them to see that I've burnt/cut myself/od'd/etc and know it's because of them. When somebody hurts me I don't know how to deal with it, I just want them to feel as bad as they made me feel. I know it's wrong but I want them to realise how badly they've affected me and understand that they need to be kinder and more understanding or it will be their fault when something bad happens to me. When they don't care or don't notice I get really angry and it just makes everything worse. I've had this habit for years and I just don't know how to stop. Anyone else do the same thing or have any advice?",3.7835769230769247,4.895758272222224,4.756666666666668,85.62115384615385,71.83333333333333,7.538461538461537,22.73504273504273,7.882392219407189,0.9081324786324791,699,16,146,9,13,228,96,180,0.284,0.675,0.041,-0.9929,0,0,1,0,0,5,14.0,0,0,8,0,11,14,2,1,3,1,13,2,0,7,0,38,33,21,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,15,10,1,1,8,0,0,0,4,13,0,0,2,4,23,1,18,28,2,6,0,5,1,1,10,1,1,3,5,96,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128535154351474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744448577128077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796297860346301,0.11668680334942005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28526316204620833,0.13884429154596645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343191215637716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611151913909375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174085855033562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951348060162296,0.12810327926655105,0.0,0.0,0.12700987912635506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235088294210368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516554222069462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528318949607,0.0594992751399089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070654357157983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6095716407548559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25034892837637146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077590437515451,0.07601792478367993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444295475233173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965678563025046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368568288591741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459129967045488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905644968977166,0.0,0.0,0.09075017122406663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767285634063328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521146014591716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565894217933354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23711286894417075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151379775507175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605671693243015,0.0,0.12451340883106155,0.0,0.07333705130125627 bpd,X_Earthling,2018/03/18,"Are there any good movies that will help me understand myself? I was diagnosed last week. I've been coping by reading this subreddit each night. I've found so much comfort knowing there are others like me because I always felt I had to lie to blend in. It's been such a relief to feel for the first time in my life that I can be HONEST. Last night I shared a song that I wrote where I explored, through music, exactly what is wrong with me. That song is what helped me realize that I needed to be honest with my psychologist for the first time. Lo and behold, BPD came out immediately. At first I was offended. I'm a Neuroscience major (obsessed with Schizophrenia; I feel a strange connection and understanding with them) and BPD was an illness I always ignored and never looked into. I think that's because I subconsciously gathered from hearing people's opinions on it in passing that it was a simple and monstrous disorder. I tried to share that song with you. It took a lot out of me to be so honest and open and I wanted you to hear it because I know you would understand EXACTLY what my lyrics mean, where others respond to it with ""Nice voice but your lyrics don't make sense."" The mods flagged it (I guess because it's self promotion?) and to be honest I felt quite dejected. I thought, ""Okay. I'm not even acceptable to people with my disorder."" But I had to stop myself. That thought isn't reality. It's not healthy. So here I am reaching out again, terrified that I'm going to get flagged and deleted again but hoping that fear is irrational. So, what movies would help me understand myself more? And more over, what are the steps you take after fully coming to terms with the fact that you're ill? My whole life I've comforted myself with, ""I'm a cute insane. Like Harley Quinn."" Deciding to actually be an adult about it instead of running away from it is hard and I feel that even just the discovery that I'm BPD puts me at the edge of another episode. This is very strange and I don't know if anyone here feels this way but I think this subreddit has turned into my FP... Does that make sense?",3.3704501216544998,5.4417499805352865,4.079045012165452,86.15219282238444,74.74209245742092,7.389051094890513,26.015206812652067,8.256446698504663,1.682990754257907,1666,60,328,29,36,530,195,411,0.113,0.7759999999999999,0.11,-0.5152,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,5,1,5,18,22,1,2,16,1,30,5,0,2,4,78,71,21,0,6,8,0,7,2,0,3,5,6,0,2,37,30,0,2,23,4,0,9,6,5,0,3,16,14,47,17,47,47,8,42,0,0,1,0,18,16,0,5,18,223,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.0870189874876679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483964585219926,0.0,0.0,0.06064000299737625,0.09350459416595923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062351120492701036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378000885874723,0.0,0.0,0.21743364092781536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369269547002742,0.0,0.0,0.1019889873477566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681376337241201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050768079364874,0.0,0.0,0.20439762497607492,0.0,0.07803499902152193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779450116910925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034326673408316,0.1803521259365678,0.0,0.17123816616579518,0.0,0.0,0.227548917249952,0.0,0.09777247143261696,0.0,0.0,0.04658867815949499,0.0,0.050678490166690036,0.07479322455851317,0.0,0.0,0.09823298729901422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988057728454033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100660045353896,0.0,0.17931029192103368,0.0,0.0,0.08856789477249699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701976147115325,0.14537412767829686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596961062936848,0.08712984857277753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488200313158606,0.0,0.0,0.07581082702545677,0.0,0.0,0.11904597572900733,0.0,0.0,0.09713442589527736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555166421896312,0.06611989192376579,0.06877492684771762,0.0,0.0,0.16736372168616664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364124373673326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964246753291649,0.0,0.09484537518635283,0.08919610938010535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302582092379336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455176661233708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704622999903989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427560601753595,0.0,0.14158518013088026,0.10399379515341987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907334881656464,0.06054191977939592,0.09699350587778664,0.0,0.3713246964013821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357622084056539,0.0525959430947278,0.07078056566249116,0.07152838212229913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995573291190183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266904296549406,0.09749555968423904,0.0,0.0 bpd,igniteignite,2018/03/18,"Attachment/fondness vs romantic feelings Maybe I'm thinking too hard about this, but I have a hard time figuring out how exactly I feel when I'm fond of someone. In fact, I'm wondering if I'm aromantic. I have an FP and we have been together for almost 2 years. I love our relationship because we interact more like best friends than romantic partners. I, of course, feel very attached to him. But whenever someone (in the past) has started acting too romantic with me, it made me extremely uncomfortable. I love the man I'm with and I want to marry him someday, I'm sure about that. I do like touching at times, like holding hands and stuff, but it doesn't hold any weight to me. I don't know, I'm just a bit an identity crisis I guess. Any input or advice would be appreciated. ",2.966638655462188,5.126558385620918,4.636848739495799,81.28367647058826,76.25490196078431,8.554435107376285,29.8828197945845,9.23628265651192,2.8908192343604107,615,29,119,16,14,207,99,153,0.068,0.629,0.302,0.9927,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,3,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,6,0,10,4,1,2,3,33,29,10,0,3,7,0,8,3,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,2,7,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,8,18,9,15,25,3,11,0,0,0,2,12,4,0,5,9,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641939375622241,0.0,0.0,0.16825466435707415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285281015856981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242763589624564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633386033772394,0.0,0.18344185124555992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548783409464781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298171626149005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510056885639525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010381889525218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234318745564303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24626836124968185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033016667008186,0.15899111119389076,0.0,0.0,0.16880560082793453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604006843452676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803980034016576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28473728649153185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893030142824755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235059520619055,0.0,0.0,0.15836336044373653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766484997482854,0.0,0.0,0.1959556679452283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863978594519527,0.09910661636236738,0.0,0.0,0.20461149194728345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822180005665904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936148559958312,0.0,0.0,0.1082038116907744 bpd,That_1bitch,2018/03/18,"I think its time to tell my boyfriend and im so fucking scared My boyfriend and i got into a mini argument tonight, and he told me i shouldnt have to need reassurance that he loves me, and that hes here for the long run, etc, and theres no reason not to believe that. He meant it in the nicest way possible. But im never not gonna need that reassurance. I dont know if ill ever fully get better and im never gonna be able to fully ""trust"" that hes not gonna abandon me. My logical brain knows that when something small happens he wont, but emotionally i dont think ill ever *not* need that reassurance. He deserves to know why i need the reassurance and why im so scared of him abandoning me and that it really is my own issues and nothing hes done. But im so fucking terrified. Im scared he'll google it and see the stigma and leave. Im scared he'll realize this is an issue i'll have for a long time and maybe my whole life and not want to deal with it and leave. Im so worried it'll scare him off. I think now is definitely a good time to do it if im gonna, but holy fuck i can NOT lose him, he's everything to me. I'm sitting here in tears because i dont know what to do. ",0.9875008641548568,2.247800783269966,3.474554096094021,91.44410214310406,79.19011406844106,6.911095748358108,22.220705150362946,7.686295010490155,0.6878304182509507,918,27,225,14,22,321,116,263,0.175,0.705,0.12,-0.9598,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,11,19,3,5,8,0,19,8,1,1,4,51,48,25,0,8,12,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,0,17,16,0,2,11,0,0,1,14,11,0,0,4,1,25,8,17,34,3,20,0,3,1,4,22,5,3,2,12,125,42,0,0.06954202481035858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04239217285865657,0.0,0.0,0.07835004791901216,0.0,0.061504269672059124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763189861680643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169477399941733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116563585630571,0.2445082054672947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822541781100906,0.0,0.0,0.07755774026761471,0.0,0.1258094855940529,0.0,0.0,0.062499887803904926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287144405575327,0.036332837722186664,0.0,0.0,0.05832855101190922,0.05561911002571045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061495782873736235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6760558823990308,0.14516761263350014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287391261882793,0.0,0.0,0.14726992639693495,0.0,0.0,0.04911958872556147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308500719453505,0.0,0.07779973760175313,0.0,0.0,0.06276439249327155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986431100543906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625812093233625,0.10727019332717937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672744836431993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839818409244695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455040181883168,0.07150078371292526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481184926974241,0.0,0.05541599013755169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353684821494935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060782794873072435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367916454376208,0.0,0.0,0.12165154172720845,0.0,0.0,0.06645038486429956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041017688004883784,0.055199222379649165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550172164265294,0.07764118721188525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062330184513416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,94709,2018/03/18,"lost everything, want to die I've lost everything. I had a beautiful, stable, dependable woman who loved me, who truely tried to make things work and I fucked it up because I am a lazy drug addict. I have lost my home and moved to a different city where i know noone. I an unemployed, alcoholic, ugly, and living in squalor. i cannot fight the darkness in my mind any longer. I want so much to die but I have a family so I cannot do that to them. I am 30 years old male with no prospects for the future and I am horribly, oppresively lonely. I am leaning towards killing myself and I am scared that I have lost my mind. ",1.8002380952380932,3.8274576746031777,3.4891269841269827,88.74892857142858,79.39682539682539,7.374603174603175,23.198412698412696,8.344100000000001,1.3902031746031749,481,16,103,10,12,160,78,126,0.293,0.6,0.107,-0.9807,3,2,2,0,1,2,16.0,0,0,1,5,3,10,3,1,7,0,12,5,0,2,0,14,22,8,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,6,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,5,0,21,1,11,17,1,10,0,5,0,2,7,5,1,1,4,68,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477168774688185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172611881584827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965466093581825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654551349912289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946914266769389,0.14833172260217772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464377861753032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551926225466866,0.0,0.13383964899643813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125188794306675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241064359788902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707225359927987,0.0,0.07802472942546279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536489107920906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6199218500820923,0.0,0.12813630940555715,0.0,0.09476817897642124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867048157166935,0.0,0.0,0.15089498841663812,0.10436659969163946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897693675997573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213988893417626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432065126772717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639044838089247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674788826119152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335814290526724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142605277765384 bpd,geniamaluca,2018/03/19,"Does anyone else feel they can't tell themselves apart from this illness? Is that normal? I always see people saying ""BPD isn't me"", ""I am not my disorder"" and things like that, but I'm not sure if I feel like that...? I can see why some people would say it, but I don't know who I am without this disorder, I can't remember not feeling like this and I don't trust *any* feeling I've ever had had nothing to do with BPD or my other mental illnesses. How can one be ""himself"" without it? It feels like taking all experiences and feelings out of my life and saying ""this is who you are!"". Anyone else feel like this too? ",2.6259523809523806,4.017104134920636,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,75.1111111111111,6.627301587301588,23.711111111111112,7.1686216300943375,0.8454501587301588,475,14,100,5,10,158,73,126,0.092,0.735,0.173,0.8394,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,17,3,0,1,3,31,29,9,0,3,9,0,7,5,0,1,3,3,0,0,15,6,0,0,9,0,0,0,10,0,0,1,2,12,15,7,7,25,2,3,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,3,6,71,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966034166379322,0.0,0.0,0.07895109536745212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235781718215714,0.2379136706148687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924444900786864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26611833088242154,0.0,0.10159875239474807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397112829269372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501791849632333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356680356642485,0.0,0.0,0.4109209281622954,0.3317637302347954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380480780050593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200394335922441,0.2835997956793742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700018018742442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375207328020147,0.11139983127191204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867148195783184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097643705643586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151719196824785,0.0,0.0,0.2769790318936491,0.0,0.0,0.18503126082040228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942164824674766,0.0,0.08729177171893214,0.0,0.10147537870961304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713081570510273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476101632864007,0.0,0.0,0.2238300024379356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247318353747013,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BlinxTheCat,2018/03/19,"I literally cannot create a resume or do anything to progress in life. I appear to be literally incapable of committing to completing a resume, job application, linkdin profile, college application, or anything related to the matter. I don't know what to say. How to say it. I have horrible school marks, was part of no clubs, nothing. Ive only had one unimpressive job. I don't know me. I don't know what I want to do one bit. Anytime I start doing something I end up with the most vile feeling and an unbearable anxious feeling in my legs. I want to fucking die.",3.2488990825688053,5.489662926605508,5.224302752293578,77.02104128440368,75.69724770642202,8.396697247706422,32.91834862385321,9.120678840339163,3.3560121100917435,445,24,80,11,10,153,69,109,0.23,0.6920000000000001,0.079,-0.95,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,5,0,12,3,1,1,1,16,22,4,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,3,0,2,2,4,13,0,14,19,3,6,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,4,2,55,16,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457583112775666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126055146610609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736305883764988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914633735636733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712561516055566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682286560012594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207667916295226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755945834157248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769682348166719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131548065548229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341587982924538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822505952909237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574137546804189,0.14445637752480994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568430137876606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30209257871320205,0.0,0.19222735584040648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622352114983034,0.0,0.0,0.13443906570498074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406065988115026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Deagostini,2018/03/19,"Getting prescribed stimulants to treat BPD in the UK? Hi all! I was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago, but I am still in the waiting list to see a psychiatrist for therapy/meds. I have started DBT by myself which has helped tremendously but obviously it's still early stages yet. Basically, I have always suspected that I have ADHD as it runs in my family and after reading that drugs like Adderall help some with BPD, my girlfriend and I decided that I should try some of her Elvanse pills. It was like I had emerged out of a hurricane. Everything finally was going at a normal pace and I could actually think. I could actually /look/ at something. I could actually carry out tasks I had set in my head. I could also feel emotions at a normal capacity, without feeling like they were taking over my world. I took them a few times, each spaced a month apart so that I would have a good, unbiased view of how they affected me. After that we took our findings to my GP, who knows everything that's been going on. He basically said he believes that it does help me, however it really depends on the psychiatrists own philosophy on whether they will prescribe it to me or not. He also said it's very likely that they will try out a lot of other meds first before they even consider this. The thing is, I've been on SSRIs and mood stabilisers before and they made me worse. I just can't bear the idea of going through so many drugs that could fuck me up just because the doctor doesn't believe this will help. Have any of you been in this situation? Did you manage to get a stimulant prescribed? Is there anything I can do to show the doctor that I'm really not looking for a high but I just want to lead a normal life that I know this drug can help with? If anyone has any suggestions at all, or any experience it would be really appreciated. Thank you so much in advance! 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Does anyone have any favourite self help websites they can share? Anything related to dbt/cbt therapy, and overcoming anxiety and bpd would be helpful to me. 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For a couple years, me and my then best friend were getting along great. Talking every day, hanging out every chance we could, and telling each other basically everything. But the closer we became is when I started becoming more toxic. Specifically competitiveness and dependence is where I was at my worst. Whether that's part of the BPD or just me being a plain old asshole (probably the latter is true tbh), the toxicity piled up (looking back, entirely my fault) and they stopped talking to me. Since then they've been much happier (good for them, I no longer hold grudges). I was devastated at first but slowly began to recover as a new group of friends somehow accepted me. Now me and another member of that group have been playing a lot more games together, and my toxicity (unknowingly at first) has started coming back. I only know this because they told me. Now I don't know what to do. This is why I shouldn't be allowed to have friends, that way I don't hurt anyone. I could push away but I also don't want to lose this friend group. How do I become less toxic?? Ack, I hate everything about myself, why can't I just be dead or something?",5.368389737991269,6.652738467248909,6.17178766375546,76.30606577510919,68.25764192139738,9.218449781659393,31.77974890829695,9.516144504307137,2.9603207423580784,955,40,176,20,16,314,141,229,0.059,0.7659999999999999,0.175,0.9817,1,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,2,0,3,4,13,15,1,0,8,0,24,1,1,3,1,37,36,18,1,4,8,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,9,13,0,2,3,2,0,3,6,5,0,2,7,1,31,10,20,23,9,30,0,2,1,0,17,9,0,6,17,129,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984139135158682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904291085469666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604892791844489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562229974899872,0.1892566186160401,0.0,0.07501842608198532,0.2718281470405896,0.0,0.0,0.12914765191785058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499429152027794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600839143461607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651253577193067,0.13616752862164552,0.0,0.07936583882942676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20737277517885275,0.0,0.22120325037277194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093556643263363,0.0,0.0,0.3803145169791404,0.0,0.12859129962969326,0.0,0.0,0.10321990588087283,0.0,0.13567804939603484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149982343147454,0.12629875367325294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174212512295727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526506829335086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334242655050452,0.137676685833837,0.0,0.10462426879585704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904659031744581,0.0,0.0,0.11885558818416656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291345428132691,0.0,0.0,0.09359541045979143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332658823552095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268337111813652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179947858045008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427138580591318,0.09474036879087502,0.0,0.0,0.17421009376103827,0.0,0.0,0.10288667694702754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19782771431251545,0.1075630074317112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759254005881856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725860975776797,0.09768215462032373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209150872267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924892123192065 bpd,blakekewl,2018/03/19,Anyone else have issues with Experimental Avoidance? Prior to finding out that I had BPD I thought I had ADHD because it seemed like I was unable to get anything I wanted to get done well done. I am currently on ADHD medication but recently found out that I have BPD. It seems that this inability on my part to get anything done may in actuality be Experimental Avoidance as opposed to ADHD. I am going to start DBT next week and the person who runs it says she does not like the facts that I take ADHD medication which thoroughly pissed me off but whatever. Does anybody else have any experience with experimental avoidance?,7.467329192546586,8.218446391304349,8.3632298136646,64.36347826086957,63.34782608695652,10.745341614906833,35.55900621118012,10.608840637214634,4.012118012422359,505,22,83,12,7,171,71,115,0.159,0.7879999999999999,0.053,-0.945,1,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,3,2,0,13,3,1,3,1,23,24,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,10,5,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,8,1,12,3,15,14,1,14,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,3,8,58,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.11334109048697655,0.0,0.5583364774782902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898280898556967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121151709250944,0.11900461870587682,0.1911554250712848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080111675283741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925619611895782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327912655850824,0.35657100025411786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940490439474402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361242185990607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615472987909308,0.0,0.0,0.12734736235985314,0.0,0.0,0.18204342774129412,0.0,0.06600806910721853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121225551767115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134854855970745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400840704388665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352187889834206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577407696463072,0.0,0.0,0.10141362452334032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467950410061127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236343024436702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114686974361813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220826423643092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732683567719915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922064205533486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850552641045418,0.0,0.09316478006204636,0.0,0.1044286025333719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thequeenisdead1986,2018/03/19,"Love-hate relationship with potential FP There is a person in my life I seem to idolize, over and over again. It’s my ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend. It seems silly but for some reason she seems to me like exactly the person I want to be. She has everything I want but don’t have. We’re going to the same college but she’s going to the main campus while I’m stuck at a branch because my grades weren’t good enough and my family isn’t rich enough to afford it, unlike hers. I somehow simultaneously wish we were best friends, that I was her, and that she didn’t exist. I don’t know how to get out of this rut, and it’s annoying since it’s been 5 months since she and my ex got together, and I have a new boyfriend now who’s an angel. I just don’t know how to quit this toxic idealization. ",3.106606425702811,4.056666548192776,4.448373493975903,87.808624497992,73.27710843373494,7.702008032128515,23.471887550200805,8.07648339933343,0.9793188755020084,621,16,140,9,12,206,98,166,0.036000000000000004,0.764,0.199,0.9801,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,3,7,8,1,0,7,0,14,1,0,3,1,29,28,12,0,4,4,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,10,9,0,0,6,0,1,2,6,1,0,0,7,0,22,7,16,20,6,13,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,5,7,92,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971328802878436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166098632690768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33803166116796635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700990522793825,0.0,0.15420315774298904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637698814030301,0.0,0.08546074589700307,0.0,0.185925926284156,0.13719824239121256,0.1308251963490901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979215799899292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553726473936055,0.07991407079023262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763206329385567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056333174105847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159618807647672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28565328955022634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398125099316364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818147690664684,0.0,0.1756174289839919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467353080772009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270620466437913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19296055203127446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810220822483054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Turtlphant,2018/03/19,"I have BPD, but my thoughts arent wrong Why do my thoughts have to be wrong? I feel persecuted but im pretty sure those thoughts are spot on. Im pretty sure the world is a cruel place, women are given preferential treatment, and because im not this aplha male, i basically get shit on by all of society. Most other maels dont give a shit about me, im beta so people pick on me. On top of that, society judges me; im white so I must be evil, im a male so im a rapist. Its over-whelming. Especially when these protected women spit in my face, and these alpha males laugh while I suffer. I hate it, and it truly drives me crazy. But I don't think that my thoughts are wrong, im sure that my observations are correct. Having said that, i feel like im fucked. Theres no where to go. EDIT: For those of you (RIP INBOX) saying im wrong about women getting preferential treatment. Maybe. MAYBE im wrong. I dont think so, but I wont close my mind off to the possibility. How many women are committing suicide? How many men? The stats I found say in the western world, men are jsut under 4 times as likely to commit suicide. Yup, were killing ourselves because life is so great to be a man. Thanks for letting me know though ladies, that im wrong.",0.37993069556451786,2.6887707304687503,2.380645161290321,92.70306451612906,87.7890625,5.021975806451613,19.195564516129032,6.532088108194933,0.06059213709677369,961,28,211,11,31,320,135,256,0.22,0.564,0.21600000000000005,-0.8836,3,0,0,0,0,3,40.0,0,1,0,1,13,23,8,0,9,1,23,7,4,3,8,32,42,18,3,1,5,0,2,2,0,2,1,3,0,10,14,4,0,1,10,0,0,2,7,15,0,0,8,6,23,8,22,28,2,19,0,1,1,2,15,14,3,1,5,114,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246878896700368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748632648664069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932771348922773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010983442339823,0.04246432545703276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517347149041189,0.0,0.05495181081202618,0.06211044567685735,0.05702077124350325,0.03378142216986084,0.0,0.0,0.06553339254538876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058685215910562326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7704716502710454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576213796901938,0.0,0.03266695997475785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060781967638685964,0.04198460316444764,0.05807927956321916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052673273463645,0.11943200051243436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060017989223113535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041208578220652686,0.0,0.0621027010399464,0.0,0.0,0.06701026481155807,0.0,0.12094477353701115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654155437399903,0.09453898810684158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220296967008597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300365812424668,0.0,0.1680659840630472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472485258152292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617418115452128,0.058400017482506776,0.18875656031839694,0.03466025019262283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363583161354659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38993332088787297,0.0,0.0 bpd,LegoHurtsLikeSatan,2018/03/19,"Happen to anyone else? Anyone else go through stages of never wanting to leave their significant other to the next moment wanting to leave them because you are not worthy of their love and attention? It just sucks how my opinions on the matter can flip so quickly and easily.",7.909933333333335,8.648094660000005,7.43,71.47833333333334,62.4,9.066666666666668,32.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.9242666666666675,223,8,34,3,3,70,39,50,0.083,0.708,0.209,0.6719,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,3,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,11,8,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,8,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,1,4,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221873326298869,0.4721224531221035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044327559987105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849216595571517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093563868212446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373263741781386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48789834221281103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079354814432685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17769055357614344,0.0,0.2450218029935032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717793438022878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Mernerner,2018/03/19,"The moment when you feel so much better than yestersays but You know this feeling is spook and not gonna hold on to us long time. And Keep try to maintin moderate low bright emotions....",3.802500000000002,5.742980916666671,3.184444444444445,93.605,73.16666666666666,5.911111111111111,25.88888888888889,6.42735559955562,0.7452888888888891,147,5,30,1,3,43,33,36,0.064,0.747,0.19,0.6401,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,6,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,2,4,5,1,6,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,4,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180274677539948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044895041121877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636382560256855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196194453566448,0.0,0.0,0.19762084638612548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31822516847430504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26433947182356915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20967938199066427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441374950331284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325415897549014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Maddie_137,2018/03/19,"Do you ever feel scared by the power that your fp has over you (even if they don't know how much power they really have)? An fp is a scary thing because you'll do absolutely anything to get their approval or just to be close to them but they have the ability to completely break you with the smallest comment or action (or lack thereof). They don't even know how much they mean to us. It hurts too that they will never care as much as we do, they just can't possibly. It's worse too that when I'm drawn to someone it's pretty instant. My current fp (who is ""out"" today and I want to fucking die but let's move on) I knew it was him when we'd only known eachother an hour. It was just him and I wasn't sure how I knew or how it happened but it was just so overwhelmingly him. I think it was the second time we met that I put myself in a difficult position 2 hours away from home just so I could be around him for a little bit longer and he didn't even say goodbye and I cried all night about it. A guy I barely know and I was willing to put myself out just so we could be in the same room for a few more hours and he didn't even care that I was there. Obviously it always escalates from there and we end up being very close. I think sometimes though that the connection just comes on so suddenly and viciously that it would be so easy for someone worse to take advantage of. Any thoughts? Experiences?",2.324610352673496,3.8100549692832786,3.58899744027304,91.07562357792948,76.09897610921502,6.931114903299202,22.788538111490325,7.6454224807358475,0.7724790671217296,1098,31,247,15,24,358,152,293,0.128,0.7909999999999999,0.081,-0.9356,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,6,5,9,4,30,10,2,2,13,0,33,1,0,4,5,60,53,30,1,6,15,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,2,1,20,19,0,0,11,0,0,5,7,6,0,1,13,2,39,4,30,27,9,33,0,2,0,1,31,14,1,5,13,187,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348589386636108,0.0,0.0,0.07640323685256115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924561521991559,0.10001713160597643,0.0,0.0,0.10555843575109147,0.0,0.0,0.06848875802430864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265932383926945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291007761170948,0.0,0.0,0.0967813302504769,0.11779897163035068,0.0,0.0,0.17940791635002096,0.0,0.12341343534691243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166036747457724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099510555598329,0.0,0.0,0.2968298393105999,0.10162884838131524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990184938017863,0.0,0.0,0.05680856494759215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038676463992264,0.05869930138726495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124617910263547,0.09935253394058316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126982522272599,0.0,0.3319323701075759,0.0,0.120275177718253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852372213466675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488756837768475,0.0,0.0,0.11260625550550304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223843037826949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941243319161453,0.2477750204407657,0.0,0.08665281605759638,0.0,0.0,0.10543477437713504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544878577112447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666003881790552,0.0,0.11430241138502703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258896550272856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197559087685736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934684810671505,0.11248398750229338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903910301588008,0.0,0.11111903593939074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058904638230061,0.0,0.08447474830945467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464170007421625,0.14398129553861552,0.1103853044321178,0.08919496633946594,0.06551337540869882,0.0,0.10649659267126324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514566516010593,0.0,0.0,0.09270219574100763,0.06626814147624938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289926453461545,0.07981166247879287,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fussandfeathers,2018/03/19,"Has anyone ever figured out your diagnosis and tried to tell you? How'd that go? I just wanted to add this community is incredible and I'm very inspired by how compassionate everyone is here. 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A Facade of something far from her searching the wrong literature Beauty Tears right through her eyes If she only knew she’s in disguise. Shadow looms behind her gait Joyous, ecstatic, can’t be her fate Aching endless, unknown for why Mind shielded from the darkest sky Mystery tears from dimensions far, Cross the planes to haunt, to scar. Rest awaits her but not in slumber Days will pass, they become a number Gaze past the spectrum when mirrors loom Reveal what’s hiding in your cosy room. ",4.611517931609671,7.537794238532115,3.7552793994995852,85.78828190158467,74.50458715596329,5.431526271893245,26.42285237698081,6.574015621080383,1.2337266055045872,488,18,80,4,11,143,89,109,0.158,0.711,0.131,-0.3182,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,7,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,6,4,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,11,1,15,2,1,13,0,0,1,1,14,8,0,1,3,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124772429711731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563441786129292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824683629970857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936397596324332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896440097773908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25535805719440235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856816505381529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518327762329795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700915400340566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416232155026373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951607992572606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781562770557586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553030033442618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30934279358854483,0.0,0.0 bpd,lexabro_,2018/03/19,"Is my therapist acting appropriately? Not sure if it's in my head but I've been having problems with my therapist since day 1 and I'm not sure if I trust my judgement so I'll bullet point my issues: •he called me a 'weirdo' during a breakdown for feeling suicidal •he comments a lot on the way I look •he forces me to cooperate in therapeutic techniques that I'm EXTREMELY uncomfortable with •he gets angry and raises his voice at me whenever I talk about SH/suicide •hes deliberately avoided the topic of sexual abuse despite it being the trauma being a big problem for me and I've stated this since day 1 •even though I'm an atheist he reinforces Catholic beliefs in therapy sessions •he won't stop calling me unexpectedly even though I have terrible anxiety with phone calls and gets angry at me when I don't pick up •hes encouraged me to tell my father (who I live with currently) that everything is fine when I'm suicidal ""so [I] don't worry him"" •he tells me I'm not allowed to trust anybody with my suicidal feelings because they won't understand and will leave • I talked to some other women in DBT who have been open about their problems with him and they said that he called them 'nuts' and 'crazy' during sessions and he lashed out on them and belittled them when they brought up the idea of switching therapists and he's dropped everyone from the MH centre who've tried to report him. I just feel worse after every session but I don't want to give up on therapy and don't want them to drop me. 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But I'm married and he's married, and we work together. It's not like I even want anything to happen, I just want him to be a great friend and give me hugs! I guess the right thing to do here is to not tell him, and just ride it out until it passes? I'm acting like a damn teenager though XD plus when he comes into work looking like Jonathan Frakes it's *really* distracting! He's been my rock through my latest episode so I really don't want to ruin the friendship (I think) we have. ",1.9424761904761887,3.5585885809523816,3.2323809523809537,92.66761904761907,77.47619047619048,6.19047619047619,23.095238095238088,6.937597516519254,0.5856666666666661,391,12,87,4,9,127,68,105,0.149,0.667,0.185,0.8805,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,2,7,9,1,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,0,20,17,10,0,3,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,1,1,12,6,11,15,0,11,0,1,1,1,10,4,1,1,6,52,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856875615671484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19437418486468253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490371591044241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743336617734181,0.0,0.0,0.2164603556582652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24877568557061194,0.2485746823846712,0.0,0.1995381521308072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330717944613805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18948594211130892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891094133679588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270058584781946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19722468767039047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990928075994706,0.1445849467229318,0.2216962043660998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992758504746826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32854618061599394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,betterthansocks,2018/03/19,"I don't know what to do my best and most precious friend hates me for what i am and what i've done. my emotions are so out of control that i can't keep my mouth shut, and i said a lot of shit i shouldn't have, stuff i can't take back. I wish i could have just been happy for him when he said he found a gf, but I was instantly filled with these sickening, gut twisting feelings of rage, envy, and fear. Fear that a new gf meant that he wouldn't have time for me anymore. And over the following weeks, it seemed like my fears were being validated, he wouldn't make time for me, not to text, not to talk, not to hang out. He said he was just to busy, and I lost my fucking mind. I told him how much I didn't want to lose him, how much I missed hanging out and seeing him.. and he started to accuse me of being manipulative and trying to make him feel guilty. Is that how I come across? I was being honest.. I was terrified because he was leaving me. He was my very best friend, he was my rock, he was always there, but now I think he's gone. Everything I said and did only pushed him away, though I was desperate to keep him. He kept telling me how wonderful his new life was, and that made me sick with envy. Telling me he's buying expensive things with her. My life is a mess, with losses at every turn and loneliness.. and I don't understand why I don't deserve to have good things happen to me too. Whenever I would tell him I was lonely, sad or anything like that, he'd always say I was trying to ruin his happiness. I'm not, I'm just telling him how I feel. But he's sick of hearing it. I said and did a lot of stupid, mean, desperate things. I don't want to make him seem like a bad guy, cause he's not, but I can only give you my pov, how this looks from my perspective. He got a girlfriend, his life is magical now, and I have to go because I detract from his happiness. 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Come down today is unbearable I couldn't go work, I'm just lying in bed none stop crying questioning is this how life will always be. I have no control of my emotions and I'm losing everything because of it. Each episode gets worse and worse. I just don't know what to do anymore. ",3.725357142857142,6.230730107142861,4.378809523809527,82.37035714285716,75.30952380952381,7.533333333333335,29.54761904761905,8.472884824447931,2.5500047619047623,355,16,62,7,8,113,65,84,0.275,0.642,0.083,-0.9616,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,3,2,1,0,1,0,9,3,0,4,0,16,18,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,3,6,1,2,2,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,2,8,0,8,14,2,11,0,1,2,0,2,6,0,1,3,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799681729432404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449866050434285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184659352357864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631216389815186,0.0,0.0,0.2425843460738076,0.0,0.0,0.23758119602282085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432938481291867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438487689757608,0.0,0.20389620541971432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22600213971986044,0.0,0.12292092916044227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695357137227447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886572012136085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276995756592826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18162666985646872,0.2419699130313579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437330217701688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422910238202589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18082567954173603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501485748347986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745956669516825,0.0,0.4408300150533822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Doodlebuglapin,2018/03/19,"Is anybody else struggling to find treatment? NHS Hi there, I’m new here after recently being diagnosed with BPD after 8 years of trying to figure it out. I’m struggling so much recently, and my community mental health team is not very good, with very little contact, sometimes not even calling me back when I call up panicking and asking to speak to a councillor. The thing I’m finding the most frustrating however is the fact that whilst I was with the Acute mental health team I was promised CBT with the community mental health team. This was pre diagnosis btw. They then decided I have BPD and instead sent me to an Emotional coping skills (ECS) group, which was horrific. I won’t go into the details but I’m not going back to it. At this current moment NOTHING is being done. I’ve been begging for proper DBT or psychotherapy or fucking ANYTHING other than group ECS and I’ve just been left to rot. I haven’t slept for over 24 hours and I can’t eat, called up the acute mental health team because I’m cracking up rn, seriously I keep screaming with the emotions in me I can’t keep them under control. They’ve done nothing. If anyone has any advice for what I could do it’d be appreciated, I’m so desperate for NHS treatment!",4.3262251216276,6.1718637100840406,5.259969040247679,79.66196594427247,71.56302521008405,7.867669172932332,29.33303847854932,8.532816995589336,2.3357445378151263,985,40,178,17,19,322,141,238,0.094,0.873,0.033,-0.8998,2,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,6,10,8,2,2,10,0,24,8,1,1,1,30,38,13,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,10,12,1,3,4,4,0,3,7,6,0,0,10,2,16,2,29,22,2,28,0,0,0,1,16,11,1,4,14,113,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696559982533144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747924063519037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693833452446031,0.0,0.0816571548465946,0.0,0.09276588218875248,0.0,0.0,0.15260221860879405,0.0,0.060489183101575986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24995134046728645,0.0,0.3039722416286124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112939556122128,0.07922642062013209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007155222580031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030917920723244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153621699331038,0.08289324157836869,0.2232389284193612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553993318763902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813873336255664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173577186408584,0.0,0.0,0.112788451977292,0.08322872276381835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219038846969939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772074761841873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763988972718021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078127872554722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994537002005152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999986714045072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294485991466726,0.0,0.0,0.09583615401981913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904261362335941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595367530023627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814018979031207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747175403240845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592345361555069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673700951744183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637489203733463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390033432267868 bpd,Brain_in_a_fishtank,2018/03/19,"How do I deal with always thinking that my loved ones hate me/feeling like I am a burden or a fuck up? Having a really hard time not thinking all my friends and loved ones constantly hate me. I feel like I am always walking on eggshells because I am so scared they are going to abandon me. I just got told by my significant others roommate (who is also one of my best friends) that I was being too loud (we were just talking in the other room and laughing; I have a pretty loud laugh by default) because she had to work early, and I am now spiraling thinking that I ruined her entire day tomorrow and she hates me now and our friendship is ruined forever. And this kind of thing happens on a very regular basis. Any time any of my friends gives me any sort of criticism or confrontation no matter how small, or if I message them and they don't message me back right away or with the sort of response that I am seeking from them, I sort of just implode with insecurity and paranoia and think that our friendship is over. I have been very open and honest with them all about my BPD and they are all super understanding and supportive, and have told me on multiple occasions that if I start feeling like they hate me, to just tell me and we can talk through it, and I have before and they usually reassure me and I feel better.. but this kind of thing happens multiple times a day and I'm too embarassed to bring it up every time it happens because I am scared of sounding totally nuts to them and think that that alone will cause them to abandon me if they weren't already going to.. :/ I start DBT next week; my intake is tomorrow.. I am really eager to start working through this and all my other symptoms.. but in the meantime.. I am in a lot of mental anguish.. don't know anyone else irl that has BPD that I can talk to currently, and I'm not looking to have my problems solved by any means.. just sort of want to see if anyone else is struggling with this specific thing and if anyone has found a particularly reliable strategy for dealing with it or at least not allowing it to become so excrutiating. Thanks guys.",6.9780109529025225,6.3201374746988,7.2347699890470984,76.79105969331874,64.6144578313253,10.147864184008762,35.24917853231106,9.457814108942452,3.1337951807228923,1672,68,321,27,22,544,187,415,0.129,0.7559999999999999,0.115,-0.8838,1,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,4,0,11,5,16,37,6,5,11,0,35,4,0,4,5,82,74,39,0,7,20,0,4,3,3,1,1,3,1,1,26,31,0,2,12,0,0,4,7,17,0,3,9,9,59,20,47,63,8,39,0,4,2,3,37,15,1,15,23,242,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802718189860399,0.0855287089240688,0.061980730745265826,0.1289807589161218,0.0,0.0,0.21082426589360545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257992112178232,0.15882608949245355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281851084740784,0.059596570754748335,0.0,0.14173900930699534,0.08559819739304815,0.06595105739046606,0.0,0.08133672926860024,0.06854688545559183,0.0,0.0,0.1952297008943276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961899789795332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375538469128986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996864287011006,0.1598085299543097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949098595951888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530131605927136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675545297455348,0.16610878992086195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498024610617536,0.17964054192092846,0.07165213544705812,0.0,0.074349870624119,0.08809576977140825,0.0,0.06198783896472033,0.0,0.0,0.07674214800624472,0.20561228060055836,0.0,0.06942926794503658,0.3060806169643615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614190881053677,0.04259472811117489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359510299396512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508469062716883,0.0,0.0,0.06589199028865715,0.13990260012405584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442568032712132,0.0,0.0,0.07810682354257165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242746040248965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755820758402836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885046158652839,0.0,0.07416182998202242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930339167537036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661888574626402,0.0,0.0,0.15519207737048613,0.0,0.061761460604622564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457534095678586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810250675352346,0.0,0.0,0.08795177006494581,0.0,0.08055738445273901,0.0,0.1868867803856568,0.06774279737083072,0.07135620267191314,0.0,0.0,0.15447265984520078,0.24831041347858596,0.0,0.0,0.18077518500170875,0.0,0.0,0.14811872229554882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068545170006676,0.0,0.0,0.0853608217884742,0.12789950510564074,0.04571446464311524,0.0,0.06216984624878515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284914481713255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mydingointernet,2018/03/19,"Was already Suicidal and my FP just told me to stop contacting them I've been suicidal for a while now and my FP has been getting sick of me and just told me not to contact them anymore, they were the only reason I was sticking around and now I've got no reason to, there's no fucking point and I just want to give up... ",2.7554411764705904,3.7272283676470606,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,74.1470588235294,7.2047058823529415,26.835294117647056,7.554174236665415,1.2762729411764706,251,9,56,3,5,83,43,68,0.251,0.731,0.017,-0.9559,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,2,0,6,2,0,2,0,14,13,6,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,0,10,0,8,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,3,1,0,4,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24157551661294585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171024926206133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487864141808064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238118702821625,0.11437280716673848,0.21000092988744698,0.0,0.0,0.17508441796913798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649290990970916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069431820014057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4501572605145199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830207501810124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789097443751944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183607739287085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912033341517026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emilybir,2018/03/19,I wish I knew and understood how to naturally love life. I feel like it’s a big deal getting up and out of bed in the morning. It feels like carrying a weight around while forcing myself to enjoy and make the best of what I’m doing. I just wanna do nothing. ,2.93888888888889,4.002543814814814,4.75277777777778,85.03250000000003,73.81481481481481,7.622222222222224,26.462962962962962,8.07648339933343,1.5346074074074068,202,7,43,3,4,69,42,54,0.0,0.675,0.325,0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,2,0,14,11,5,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,5,9,9,1,6,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494710686976161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940922969309934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889128814623481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28339331834641235,0.40040390122672426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464126916434126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794025593919534,0.2738200815303318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529255687257237,0.0,0.18706091720535375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26889574098835145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412541614526237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222596564211932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catsandbears7,2018/03/20,"My best friend got diagnosed today So yeah. My closest friend had an appointment today with the NHS (we're in the UK) and they gave her the BPD diagnosis. She says she relates to a lot of the traits and is feeling really overwhelmed, especially as this is a relatively new development and was previously diagnosed with depression a few months ago. Now I love her to bits and I care about her so much. She struggles with suicidal thoughts currently and self harms a lot. I worry about her all the time and I try and be the best friend I can be to her. But the thing is, I have been struggling with depression for about 4/5 years now. Over Christmas and New Years I was at the lowest point in my life and came extremely close to ending it. I am on medication and for the first time in months I am starting to feel better after some therapy and finding my strength again. Halfway through last year I read about BPD and I was floored. I finally had words for the way I'd been feeling for years; the rapid mood cycles, the emptiness, the way I've never felt like a real person, the reckless behaviour and self destructive tendencies. I spent a long time reading up on it and I finally got the courage to ask my GP and a counsellor about it back in December. I was told that they don't like giving diagnoses and basically brushed it off, dismissed it. I've never felt that depression was the only thing going on and I don't want to be that person who self diagnoses but I've agonised over the fact there's something more at play and never been able to talk about it to anyone. Now I know it's a horrible thing for me to say but I almost resent the fact that she got a diagnosis and how I never got any follow up for it. I got treatment for depression but my fears were ignored. I feel like I'm not valid and I can't talk about it because I didn't get a diagnosis. My first reaction to her today was anger, it isn't fair. And then I caught myself and realised how selfish that sounded. My best friend is suffering and I'm making it all about me. But to have something weigh on me for so long then get dismissed...and now I feel like I'm just copying her. I don't know what to do. I feel like an awful friend for feeling this way but also feel like an attention seeker for this. I can't ask a professional again as my CBT person didn't want to pursue it. My GP said he didn't want to go into it. And my private therapist wouldn't talk about it either. Maybe there's nothing wrong with me and I'm jus a shitty person but I don't to where to go from here.",3.3394401544401537,4.752804131274137,4.586368725868726,85.24596235521237,73.32432432432431,8.037142857142857,26.46351351351351,8.623443432112703,1.7800469498069496,2012,70,419,37,40,664,216,518,0.17,0.736,0.094,-0.99,2,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,2,7,27,37,3,4,33,2,36,8,0,3,8,80,80,42,1,4,10,0,10,6,5,1,6,4,0,7,27,33,1,1,15,3,1,6,16,16,0,2,29,15,58,20,63,47,13,69,0,6,0,1,39,21,0,4,45,288,85,3,0.06271683974688462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559469431804007,0.0,0.06280185557777335,0.0,0.0,0.05015463408661354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04264960167995576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385307259017922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726355802459107,0.0,0.0,0.04822537848587215,0.0,0.03823160339304029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745236197849372,0.055467948126197514,0.06847054548451609,0.0,0.15797932830828895,0.0,0.0,0.07173135671368737,0.06394399798020649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607168869642485,0.25462508865593025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554850467146873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07057388103459314,0.25369214884968416,0.17921969138636604,0.12043600294170888,0.13740646473560822,0.057322055317300676,0.10669382369957528,0.0,0.0,0.24227437406297736,0.0,0.06553392045129312,0.06016370750557135,0.10693027601488103,0.0,0.25080193018964536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893506987566272,0.05112259509880514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04429875867052765,0.18384167970232165,0.0,0.0,0.11100485918428342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663922875477608,0.056604396500470326,0.0,0.04186397753528743,0.0,0.06300749524195567,0.0,0.0,0.06318061789880221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011996626482024,0.0,0.0461040935060302,0.0,0.19348437273330388,0.12114462928181242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017849921965757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047698982756542295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190477014627976,0.0,0.0,0.0592876854349064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546762362883976,0.07138549409555771,0.04017801349831847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05965807661107739,0.09974989647269557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19628202567151984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656497460942863,0.0,0.0,0.04439130197464758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113051637853554,0.0,0.06860204332809353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122826035063913,0.0,0.0,0.07172217207734446,0.07281908484613424,0.1249988446048409,0.0,0.0,0.04979016522004544,0.10971208083562044,0.0,0.17834469237737344,0.05992862804927,0.0,0.04258061734665138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097605105999836,0.1493451244874353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369199511080936,0.0,0.0,0.06857101880877317,0.0,0.16155035417852626 bpd,slkramer,2018/03/20,"BPD and ADHD I have ADHD. Someone I like very much and I've known for 5 years just told me that she has BPD. Which would explain why she's come in and out of my life 5 (or 6) times now. That's if I count from the time we meet to when she asks me not to text to when she calls back as one. I'll admit some were my fault. But she keeps giving me chances. Well this last time she told me that she has BPD. She's always told me that I get her. I guess my point of this post is I'm a lost, confused, and scared outsider that would very much appreciate advice on what I can do to help her swings go smoother or make the good times last longer. If this is not the place for that question I'll take this down and f off.",0.9530623174294064,2.1209925632911437,1.9955696202531683,102.40264362220059,79.0632911392405,5.114703018500487,17.217137293086658,4.713530739802397,-1.0853452775073031,547,8,146,1,13,172,95,158,0.064,0.815,0.121,0.7893,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,4,0,10,1,0,1,0,27,26,13,0,4,8,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,4,1,1,5,0,25,3,15,19,3,21,0,1,0,0,22,7,0,8,12,88,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30008483371846706,0.12199951857627285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388310983530102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671554641767372,0.0,0.0,0.09600001050620216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4717231150959693,0.0,0.12748324218775572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754505460245199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522765864533142,0.11976508498152992,0.0709537035143363,0.1047161480689496,0.0,0.0,0.1375335814704886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368263832240548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097018212289343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035347288369076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818347167618831,0.060994175463274763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362857792246193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333666648974819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355453497392216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845998877220072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043905063769473,0.0,0.11802122872517858,0.0,0.1195693807391584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985775722447188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499411349820808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578286990503738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386977215498572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29119829278166937,0.0,0.0,0.3578913698336829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060245023897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225288366690064,0.0,0.11265543750398382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737614428278545,0.0,0.0,0.08039768782199701 bpd,LearningBJ,2018/03/20,Struggling with Radical Acceptance My hands were altered by an illness and I don’t know how to accept it or not think about it 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bpd,biterrofthings,2018/03/20,i can't believe u left the only person i thought would never. but you did. now i am totally alone.,-0.8842857142857135,1.2519024761904802,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,95.66666666666666,4.704761904761905,21.285714285714285,6.42735559955562,0.5782571428571432,76,3,16,1,3,27,19,21,0.16399999999999998,0.836,0.0,-0.4478,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033563503786492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387807050690712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231423435762636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30037053142359305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961969196074776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34005575523243226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309182559305252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766565769382618,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babydryghten,2018/03/20,"Can art be a replacement for self harm? Hi guys, My fiancé told me I need to find another outlet. He suggested art. But art is a sore subject for me because as an artist I find it difficult to feel inspired enough to draw an actual picture, which depresses me. He said that I can take some paper and crayons and just scribble out all my anguish. It doesn't have to be a drawing of anything in particular, just lines that represent the cluster of emotion. I like this idea because in a lot of soul searching I believe the reason why I self harm is because it's the ""only way"" (in my head) that I can show others what I'm hurting on the inside through my outside. It's a way to show my pain in a way that people can SEE and therefore understand how severe it is. Simply saying, ""I feel worthless"" or ""The pain inside hurts so bad"" just doesn't get across to how tremendous the pain really is, but somehow a cut (I guess because you can see it) gets the message across. At the same time, I don't know if this would work for me because scribbled lines isn't quite as powerful of a message/cry for help as cuts, BUT... It sounds more feasible to at least *try* than say... taking a walk does (I never want to when I'm that upset, no matter how often it is recommended to me) So I'm reaching out to get your opinion on this. Have you tried it?Has it helped?",3.852342394447661,4.733281637362642,4.92577212261423,85.33896471949105,71.45421245421245,7.652130325814537,29.02043570464623,7.85451343220497,1.761942124542124,1049,40,216,13,19,345,148,273,0.165,0.787,0.048,-0.9796,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,3,0,3,11,17,2,2,19,0,19,5,1,5,2,39,38,17,0,4,8,0,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,3,20,5,0,0,9,6,0,1,6,15,0,0,2,8,24,2,35,33,7,19,1,4,2,0,17,12,0,8,4,145,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.10984414536915492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180309324525872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262882600395264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398445759346796,0.3430833481256654,0.0,0.0,0.12681867879471972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364392587607145,0.0,0.0,0.09694937148075604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850364873087812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661695044796314,0.0,0.11630649874117907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382932455873496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057590152055634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642678974058087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399958731361295,0.11145394570937653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552095008488494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508956940748203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099961429197905,0.1270686472532583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061861058593541525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499204270778813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956960744403084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346319843466599,0.08681465138265712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560837241412668,0.3593212894485072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803622601656647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197234015281805,0.0,0.0,0.07211001458835284,0.11573234687275633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707211233621362,0.17902742976911498,0.0,0.0,0.1793944698185739,0.0,0.23485315312560376,0.12716287073653662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692650316234036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563573009822267,0.0,0.0,0.10755768806423674,0.0,0.1528442384627407,0.0,0.0,0.11718087370429092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639190578888123,0.2680391131318389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015695774789808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194638009594674,0.0,0.0,0.07996072106602113,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AnchorsAviators,2018/03/20,"Please don’t say you love me. I’ve been talking to a guy I met a couple months ago that I met at a behavioral health hospital. I told him from the beginning that I wasn’t looking to date, just someone to talk to and enjoy their company. We went on a few dates and talk on the phone everyday. Still, I’m not ready to date. We met in the “crazy space” as I call it. That alone is a red flag for me. I obviously couldn’t deal with my issues, don’t stack yours on me. He told me 2 weeks later that he’d told his cousin I was the love of his life and asked how it made me feel. I was honest and said it made me feel uncomfortable. I asked him not to come see me as often and to rethink his feelings. Does he feel this because he’s vulnerable or does he really feel that? You can probably tell I’ve been down this road before. I was convinced if I told him honestly how I was feeling constantly and didn’t hold anything back, he’d follow my lead. Still he persisted. I started ignoring calls and chats, told him to focus on his kids, career, school. I told him to focus on his mental health and loving himself. I even told him to grow up. Still he persisted. This past week I let him come see me for a night out of town (first visit in 3 weeks). I was traveling for work and told him he could come up and hang out. He came and I was immediately annoyed. He tried to make me less annoyed which had the adverse effect. (Of course!) I yelled at him on the way to dinner and then calmly explained to him at the table why I was upset with his choices. He told me he loved me. We sat in silence for the rest of dinner and night. I asked him to leave the following morning. Have I not done enough to prove to him and tell him that I’m not ready for this? Should I back off completely? Help me!",1.7733528820375355,3.351694702412871,3.3184039879356604,92.03232448056299,77.84718498659517,6.700033512064342,21.307724530831106,7.531066641456977,0.5410831769436997,1376,36,316,19,32,454,176,373,0.073,0.823,0.104,0.946,0,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,3,3,1,6,10,14,2,1,15,0,24,9,0,7,2,55,69,21,0,4,7,1,6,0,0,1,3,3,0,2,14,25,2,2,10,2,0,12,9,5,0,1,31,13,66,9,48,32,4,57,0,0,4,4,77,21,0,3,23,201,80,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481239944644106,0.0,0.0,0.0757255143210708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060167752605244325,0.0,0.20505911552609785,0.0,0.0,0.11244247431244228,0.0,0.04457047531213036,0.0,0.06221582871792203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931801683539908,0.08362455088909564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889473549399012,0.07666011632130029,0.07901178350038482,0.0,0.05837670544150648,0.08090081050370444,0.0,0.0,0.07537877723805499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796757603946007,0.07482244957297174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554776352604113,0.0,0.04829203874671322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181608905352335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219193040729733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239575110272847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554365236293737,0.0,0.0,0.04900771812601296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631349207523687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741866217354655,0.0,0.07476546046039907,0.05164357637279208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139852982560747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639580486170788,0.13836713762472416,0.04880510393513283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368313636663675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583600227118624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372277186497738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979693203991644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025876405035477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883077832489002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04683960388235335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954949818419727,0.058144308681194,0.0,0.07399669838010398,0.11652703099499866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061950449636800485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175146353120332,0.0,0.1751701826537819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763021910214102,0.12781218208961664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.628784168048119,0.0,0.04964056397827351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580356092272953,0.1759463149802258,0.0,0.0,0.0677787175953761,0.06597528516353791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05322888929087632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HugsForThugs1,2018/03/20,"I'm interesting in BPD and Cluster B. Hello guys! I do not have BPD, but I do show traits. I am an undergrad psych student , and I really want to know as much about personality disorders as much as possible, because I want to be the best I can be for you all. (Most therapist run away from BPD) I'm interested in hearing your journey with your mental health, things you struggle with (like for me, it's Relationships), what you go through daily (emotions, thoughts, behaviors). For those who don't have a PD: If you are in a close relationship with someone who has a personality disorder, what is it like to be there for a person with a PD? ",6.381094470046081,6.190604782258062,7.495990783410139,72.8711290322581,65.69354838709678,11.27926267281106,35.45622119815668,10.914260884657429,3.805860829493087,499,22,99,13,7,170,80,124,0.052000000000000005,0.8009999999999999,0.147,0.9005,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,6,0,1,2,6,0,1,7,0,13,1,0,0,1,16,21,7,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,4,8,7,0,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,1,13,5,21,17,5,8,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,2,2,73,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278427163599293,0.0,0.0,0.08615351094209024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831720983442073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5340009016928872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239530542701925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897732847525298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032114696647205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993900875210658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022727652692427,0.15928928272286488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767132123351912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809348600089918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242748929094032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207787755251196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37021194908052707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932844097349438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053967446703948,0.0,0.0,0.30347125019539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974852642414853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774889587441012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409512723252614,0.09389343170448188,0.0,0.0,0.11220030454894676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672029735915678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CalAndOrderSVU,2018/03/20,"I haven't had a potential relationship in years and my BPD symtoms are too much- advice? It's been years since I've met someone I *actually like* and click with. This guy is really awkward, nerdy, introverted, etc. But we click really well. I forgot how bad my BPD gets when I am in this situation/in a relationship, and I've avoided them for this very reason. But now I've already ""fp""d this guy, but also I feel like I was too intense when chatting last night. Is there a way anyone knows how to... just.. tone down the symptoms when in a relationship or in pursuant of a relationship? I had to take a step back and now I am over criticizing all of my actions and words and feel as if I am spiraling and I don't even know what I am trying to ask here- I just need someone who is like-minded to talk to or something? 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I am so scared and confused with this new diagnosis. ,5.7070000000000025,8.875767699999997,5.4200000000000035,74.01500000000001,72.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,3.0370000000000004,94,4,14,2,2,29,19,20,0.271,0.7290000000000001,0.0,-0.7434,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27375725283963065,0.4011546472532704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49310098892377896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426184932791363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32706157383253553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781288168607311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39197604910506617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,__not_a_cat,2018/03/20,"I have an app recommendation! It's called Happyfeed and helps you recognize the good in your life. I think we have a tendency to forget what makes us happy and greatful. You write down three things that brought you joy every day. I've found it really helpful to be able to look back in this happy diary when I'm spiraling. Any other app recommendations?",4.11810945273632,6.473136358208954,4.967985074626867,79.33366915422886,73.47761194029852,8.048756218905472,24.59950248756219,8.841846274778883,1.929230845771145,284,9,52,6,6,92,54,67,0.025,0.711,0.264,0.9595,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,2,4,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,9,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,8,5,6,6,0,7,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,0,3,32,15,0,0.2354917656613353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014247600644355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181078631754374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404634222980517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187270710386386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19841196924624493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25820456607111336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19751932020558247,0.0,0.2596305030005868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013707269961613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156903331388353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633479840549742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977537730387861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719258220247026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508620551939397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645026514101987,0.15089361469504595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832675987542487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mrsclusterfuck,2018/03/20,"does anyone else feel like their BPD symptoms are most prominent when in a relationship? i feel like i might be faking it, i dont know, but i feel like i suffer from my BPD symptoms more when i’m in a relationship. one day i’m completely over them, next day i’m obsessed with them and want to give them the world. paranoid about them leaving. then, when i know the relationship is about to end, i become abusive, paranoid, distant. 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The transition has been kind of difficult for me because I’ve spent so much time trying to cope with the bipolar, It feels like I’m back to the drawing board. I was recently prescribed Propranolol, and I’m kind on the fence about it. I was wondering what to expect while taking beta blockers from anyone with experience. Has it been effective? Is there something else you have found more helpful/ effective? Any helpful information or advice is welcome, thanks.",6.4845000000000015,8.600251580952381,6.385892857142861,72.65598214285714,66.52380952380952,9.821428571428571,35.98214285714286,10.125756701596842,4.190928571428572,476,24,74,12,8,150,77,105,0.031,0.768,0.2,0.9673,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,6,0,10,4,0,2,0,16,18,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,7,1,6,5,13,11,3,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,5,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805315408508546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478607748219371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887159822779708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371462126327752,0.0,0.12978793876367506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26815264818497325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160991331858917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785895610178168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826680040403975,0.0,0.0,0.10765367574709754,0.1521029218403954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23344478767721946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28541812374862896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434259310419864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040170546084554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565133223213098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102229052066791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16390849322325138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129497584539498,0.1600817970267908,0.0,0.0,0.19601889080651788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414951301537624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455189074577784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23089177537136524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ScarlettLux,2018/03/20,"What does the FP provide that others can’t? Been thinking about this. Let’s say you have a great circle of friends, secure friendships at that, and even a relationship that by all means looks perfect on paper.. What is it that an FP provides that’s so all consuming / intoxicating? Is it the validation piece? Do you notice patterns in terms of who becomes your FP? For me.. I think it might have to do with self identity as well as validation.. the FP tends to have something very specific that I wish I had or that I have always wanted to identify within myself but couldn’t. Ie: A heterosexual suit and tie business man w BPD that craves a hippie lifestyle but was too afraid/ bound by society to do so. He then makes any woman who shows a sign of flightiness, carefree/hippie nature an FP. It’s like I am searching for a very deep missing part of me that never truly fulfills because only I have the power to fulfil it permanently for myself... Sorry a bit stream of consciousness there..",4.951041033434652,6.547393420212767,5.777993920972644,77.55500000000002,69.58510638297872,8.137386018237082,29.386018237082077,8.634040054169528,2.3428635258358663,785,30,140,13,14,257,123,188,0.054000000000000006,0.847,0.099,0.7434,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,2,7,8,0,1,13,0,18,1,0,1,4,21,27,10,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,3,20,3,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,3,2,13,6,23,21,6,8,0,1,1,0,12,5,0,2,4,104,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588675201087585,0.0,0.0,0.1274015997866932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420428896931152,0.2069087681251072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045331419143031,0.0,0.23595553495124835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394761252114531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374016452200168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474293605161315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654945683722095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157382082077976,0.0,0.09152771725476724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732332656067008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250548071105769,0.0,0.0,0.20407454884122905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987443368119206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449266610344885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132944876318088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424849581710721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287729472772004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113932660555414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898493641912516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954425762095445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422798530360598,0.0,0.2097183366035396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400873071173475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091598871376259,0.11050143405910008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684464150758558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543847734389115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ananxiousboy,2018/03/20,"Does anyone else feel like this? Okay, so I have a question. I know, as a person with BPD, most of the time the smallest sign of abandonment can make me go spiraling into a state of sadness and “Don’t leave me, I’ll do anything for you.” Kind of way but sometimes a person can say they’ll leave me and I’ll laugh about it. Like earlier today one of my best friends told me she never wanted to talk to me again, I felt nothing, literally nothing. I texted her back saying: “You should. I’m an awful friend 😂”. Is anyone else ever like this? Like you can go from crying over abandonment and then you couldn’t care less? ",1.8270533333333316,3.8904061520000006,3.104499999999998,91.35808333333335,79.48,5.766666666666668,20.816666666666666,6.816661863887847,0.3473866666666665,479,13,101,5,12,155,84,125,0.128,0.625,0.246,0.9672,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,1,1,5,14,0,0,7,2,10,0,0,1,2,20,20,7,0,3,1,0,2,4,2,2,0,2,0,2,3,5,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,2,4,17,11,14,15,3,13,0,3,0,0,16,2,0,2,11,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20068034856763306,0.2940702158765161,0.1180902004644294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103444433049623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059685478086074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073617650276036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631020183463295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763058459027934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255798667318828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23975558623186996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298060842124056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255909599511715,0.10251810196320776,0.1377847527144953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173910726999627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311137620571334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943560669858108,0.07886513437988953,0.0,0.0,0.3038965206410313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804319833238112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578892775338263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067785296760713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753887353011258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724090096577748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506014201861049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160755465352974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282376446092948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192748581220524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534174691345535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367736977037313,0.0,0.13602344114687245,0.13712263765983912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464139946553934,0.1139054797790342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,00jeffrey,2018/03/20,"Weed and BPD So before I start I’d like to say I have not been diagnosed with BPD yet however after deep research I have all symptoms and highly believe that I may have it. Anyway I’m making this post because in my experience smoking weed and having assumed bpd(not trying to self diagnose here so please don’t come for me) don’t really mix well. I guess you could call me a somewhat heavy smoker. I started in my upperclassmen years of high school and it got heavier as time went on. Now I’m smoking at least 1-4 blunts each day. It used to be so fun and made everything so much more enjoyable but now all it does is get me high but the high isn’t what it used to be. I feel very dull when the high wears off and it’s even changing me as a person. I know this is common for most “drugs” but it’s much more intense than that. Like my anxiety goes through the roof, I’ve turned into an introvert when Ive always been very outgoing, I’ll get these really dark depressing thoughts, and in all it just makes me feel/act/think negatively. It’s honestly breaking me down. When I’m sober I have major mood swings and anxiety so you would think weed would help those sort of things but no. It amps it up to 100 and makes me feel all kind of weird. I’ve tried to quit so many times but I’m never able to stick with it. It’s almost as if I need it and I don’t like that. When I’m sober, even though it can be tougher that way to cope with things, I still feel more like myself and it makes me so happy. But I always end up giving in to the constant urge to smoke. I feel like smoking is one of my main issues I need to cut out as I feel it sorta blurs the lines between how I’m feeling or thinking making it difficult to resolve personal problems that I may have. Just felt like sharing and wondering if anyone else out there has similar experiences",3.2531760537113033,4.312041851174938,4.317488810145471,88.47135443864231,73.04699738903396,7.6646400596792255,25.166822081312947,8.07648339933343,1.2480101454681092,1451,44,318,21,28,473,201,383,0.067,0.784,0.15,0.9851,1,0,3,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,2,25,21,1,0,8,0,26,5,1,9,5,75,64,38,0,8,12,0,7,6,0,4,4,1,0,3,30,20,0,0,14,0,0,2,8,6,1,1,7,8,33,14,42,49,15,43,0,2,0,0,10,19,0,14,25,203,63,2,0.07827706851378384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838317701743436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302655832973718,0.08481317103087099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976348631857266,0.0,0.0,0.05473314633733452,0.08020410704836134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047716974424520185,0.0,0.06660801992671223,0.08819145093545258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957616827232694,0.0,0.07992963885349975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280675931869635,0.06742876339930047,0.0,0.08458970262534951,0.0,0.062497869745221035,0.0,0.0,0.050482233491083175,0.0,0.06741992441040992,0.15889915364428575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850079015626832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907765481514958,0.0,0.06539044644921875,0.0,0.06933024883835588,0.0,0.0,0.10340253100947737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035038184567413,0.1531399863966037,0.0,0.0,0.27705466462321915,0.11184230677349,0.07515826125679992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179307506318582,0.0750904968021893,0.0,0.0,0.06260532243676799,0.0,0.08623101600266937,0.0,0.0,0.08332739498909744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246746901500074,0.41352010297048186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170092250752464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151352125726749,0.04301902973298146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22945333049027816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406765488807895,0.26125275532174597,0.07936066140125836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150853040651395,0.11608290891567405,0.06037210086603431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053042567451395836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669703387790674,0.0,0.08592471506562735,0.0,0.0,0.07496779385593212,0.0,0.0,0.07490058301867486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325729767922516,0.0,0.0,0.10029258897764633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224906669363784,0.0,0.07922057234918879,0.0,0.0,0.08166005405418003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080982396783357,0.0,0.06251216802971926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135984594005216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400761223265116,0.15047035444240892,0.0769068223804079,0.06214324876654381,0.0912879762757949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628998255826846,0.08514297271692925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352125090885375,0.0,0.12917355872333114,0.0,0.062132693488610974,0.0,0.0,0.07038048529190173,0.07256362673666877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488814172701117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121156718675776,0.0,0.0,0.050407865708374994 bpd,Jcad15,2018/03/20,"Anybody else not have an FP? I was diagnosed in 2014 and though I 100% agree and support my diagnosis, I feel almost not left out, but outside the realm of most those here. I do not have an FP. I do not have fear being alone. I have a girlfriend and she is my best friend but I do not feel a connection to her in such a regard as commonly spoken about here. Am I different? Is that a common symptom I simply do not have? ",0.2578409090909091,2.41873092045455,2.5919999999999987,92.15300000000002,86.38636363636364,5.792727272727273,20.163636363636364,7.1686216300943375,0.49420090909090897,323,10,72,5,10,110,55,88,0.028,0.774,0.198,0.9449,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,7,0,14,2,0,0,0,16,17,7,0,0,8,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,2,13,3,7,15,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,60,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27359069987821755,0.28297386912289313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867278862453562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27731288976668433,0.0,0.2854570991044792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282405318351875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30744883774118864,0.2762968224379928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108935381809354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968546944633452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100471994513175,0.0,0.2839805432710619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684375928751334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shredcruz,2018/03/20,"obsession is killing me I just needed somewhere to rant I guess. My boyfriend is out right now and he ignored a Snapchat from me, nbd right? Wrong, turns out being asymptomatic isn't forever. This leads to thinking about how the energy I had when I was single is lacking. The adventurous part of me replaced with sitting about watching netflix and snacking, now I'm starting to resent him for ""making me this way"". I'm in a place where I can acknowledge why I'm feeling this way and I know that pushing him away to ""protect myself"" until we argue and it all spills out before making up and apologising a ton is the wrong way to go but understanding the pattern isn't making me want to stop it. Now I've gone from fear that I love him more to fear that I'm never going to be able to regulate my emotions no matter how healthy the relationship is. It's like I handle one aspect of my mental health and then a different part is like, hey, still here btw. I'm crying and chainsmoking at 4am, I'm still the same as I always am.",4.013577235772356,5.266855073170731,5.0512195121951216,83.18967479674798,71.4390243902439,7.613008130081301,28.300813008130078,8.021203637495839,1.810164227642276,810,30,159,11,15,266,122,205,0.16,0.72,0.12,-0.8192,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,14,13,3,3,10,0,14,3,0,6,2,35,36,14,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,12,1,3,5,1,0,5,4,9,0,1,3,2,22,4,26,31,8,31,0,0,1,1,9,11,0,1,13,112,31,1,0.13654077401615086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361286203478915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828455183560336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618614198454552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499836287959313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426560476245329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535899928824189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3072926627259072,0.06903911793378646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519853691350102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041505632176644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451364578447245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106213625016318,0.0,0.07503923854954747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341385048678886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323337945731293,0.0,0.273426080736801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376009854754952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012432538311104,0.10530866239297017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252356217634987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29572070491639474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426560476245329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659369233514394,0.0,0.23321014992735697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664426262013863,0.0,0.21808327701241229,0.11415420096864345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748981471473663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851715345929695,0.0,0.1421437611198382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053528616419563,0.3251391328923864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320681099074683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985718037137229,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cfsistheworst,2018/03/20,"Do people without bpd not feel the need to talk to a person they like everyday?? I truly wonder what it’s like not to have this illness, and to live life without an FP.... do people without the illness not noice if they don’t speak to someone they really like everyday? They don’t freak out? They don’t worry that the person has disappeared for good?",4.310000000000001,5.5745942028985525,5.1833043478260885,82.4801739130435,70.73913043478261,7.838840579710146,26.84347826086957,8.238735603445708,1.7814904347826088,276,9,52,4,5,90,43,69,0.184,0.653,0.16399999999999998,-0.3839,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,0,0,5,0,0,5,0,7,3,0,0,0,12,10,2,0,2,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,1,0,0,0,2,6,4,10,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,2,5,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25795438597227444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035594390469907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178714893595304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446652446817672,0.3001833727966023,0.0,0.1808533384900335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518659984053891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28398263181997113,0.35766904401067345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120823986945265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353710924588142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16462066464914646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5922963105803273,0.22211060209587905,0.0,0.2079972065471289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thr0waway______1,2018/03/20,"I think I'm done 38 years old. No friends. Fired from every job I've had. Every single relationship has ended with hostility and volatility. 4 different therapists. They're never available even though they like to say they are. They don't want to talk unless I'm sitting in front of them so they can clock it and get paid. Suicide chatlines are always busy. Nobody ever answers the phone. I've tried (with much shame) to reach out for help but everyone is busy or sick of my shit. I lure kind and innocent people in with my fake charm and fake interests. Then I break them. Psychologically, physically, emotionally, mentally. I prey on their weaknesses. They've all been hospitalized at one point or another. I don't think I can change at this point. I find it more and more difficult to wake up in the mornings. It's excruciating to live. I'm tired of living. I don't want to hurt any more people. Tomorrow I will transfer whatever money I have left to the boyfriend I just put in the hospital. I will write out instructions on how to care for my beautiful dog. I'll write my notes. Then I will take my shovel, and head for the woods. I'll smoke one last cigar. I will dig a hole, and I will get in it. I will pull the dirt on top of me. Then I will pull the trigger. I don't want to be found. I will die how I lived - alone. No more hurt.",1.1581343283582086,3.637296884328361,2.8225186567164187,89.74333022388063,85.75373134328358,6.633582089552236,20.315298507462693,7.8658589789855275,0.9292552238805976,1047,32,224,22,32,344,153,268,0.203,0.665,0.132,-0.9705,2,1,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,7,1,7,15,2,1,8,0,23,7,3,3,3,33,37,18,2,3,5,0,1,1,1,8,3,1,0,0,5,12,1,0,5,0,2,4,7,9,0,2,5,2,33,6,34,23,7,34,0,2,0,0,15,17,1,2,12,135,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306228389083012,0.0,0.0,0.10494238891671948,0.0,0.0,0.08576628905896136,0.13224837821867386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858829152754986,0.0,0.1334188036684766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089320407827448,0.1317691163043816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906509602372254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186862717926685,0.11170535997491628,0.0,0.0,0.08330142428639978,0.11408324497850195,0.21252398153812094,0.12051357653350073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527188466353062,0.0,0.0,0.13828465752651253,0.09744041294167508,0.0,0.13178554882574967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294360552912122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453593649949477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700292836730999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515517085564146,0.0,0.0,0.1313351298665552,0.0,0.10280506958987642,0.0,0.0,0.13703033094274306,0.0,0.0,0.061616123095176126,0.0,0.3341002306851097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709983600863425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271310527380454,0.0,0.09727193213175617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234228634453638,0.0,0.17092507788242525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748721986440697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384493437853945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267859729940866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540625593132166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029611200917024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946091738281235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379553957447127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482694686971016,0.10137090914663406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643566255995713,0.0,0.1616258933646827,0.12391278586869328,0.0,0.0,0.14495700258095615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562756489653844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316747868496736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121748989607115 bpd,Miloisstillincollege,2018/03/20,"Psychologist tried to tell me he can get rid of BPD with therapy So, for the 5 years I've been struggling just trying to convince myself to get diagnosed, finally today I was diagnosed with BPD! But the psychologist I saw tries to make up some thing called ""BPT"" which is ""borderline personality trait"". I looked this up in the DSM and it doesn't exist. Basically he told me I am a text book example of a classic BPD case, but he thinks he can get rid of my BPD(or in his words, ""BPT"") with some kind of therapy. This has been with me my whole life pretty much so I don't know how he can tell me he can get rid of it. My mom is not listening to me when I say I think I'm being BS'ed out of money and this guy making up a thing called BPT. Does BPT exist? I can't find any info on it. The guy kept telling me to talk faster too because he had ""another patent in 15 minuets and he doesn't have all day"", which made me feel so upset because it was so hard for me to make it this far..... ",5.143583916083912,4.0054809807692315,6.30762237762238,83.51919580419582,68.51923076923077,10.063636363636364,28.52447552447553,9.339509955726095,1.944725,756,20,178,13,11,256,113,208,0.045,0.926,0.029,-0.5008,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,7,0,19,3,0,5,1,28,37,11,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,13,8,0,1,6,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,9,6,21,2,27,27,5,15,0,0,2,0,22,9,0,2,6,106,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333138492374255,0.11307422572553248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147022782088535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.543256793866566,0.0,0.22022284431157893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695445469670154,0.0,0.0,0.21890017317846924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436698990629493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452453213698712,0.0,0.0,0.11812778970539725,0.09855908466944913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253570001538493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21354687882696705,0.0,0.0,0.09659883033048076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229338552392196,0.05926320463355095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616693229843573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055410165037137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203592725370464,0.21594176710835752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629485426698375,0.0,0.0,0.07927101061391266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415721765215626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097067934852346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575458815809386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127323819336253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667355484613735,0.2827571937464809,0.0,0.2466370611213691,0.0,0.14328134422020666,0.1381924148755148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221481382148588,0.10304080503284484,0.0,0.2196383214339873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039374114018987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944209758235623 bpd,miscellaliens,2018/03/21,"Genuinely considering suicide at this point?? My ex bf/fp posted a picture of his new girlfriend with a sweet caption about how beautiful she is. I can’t bring myself to block him so I can’t see this shit. He cheated on me with her during our relationship. I’m fucking broken. Completely inconsolable. I know I’m gonna self harm tonight and get stupid fucking drunk and I’m probably gonna end up messaging him. I haven’t heard from him in two months, since I moved out of our apartment. He hates me. I don’t know what I’d even say or if he’d even respond. My heart hurts so bad I just want to rip it out of my chest. I’d rather be dead than feel like this for even a second longer.",1.0238694638694632,3.1759147902097915,2.56855944055944,93.62719813519816,82.91608391608392,6.051095571095573,22.12074592074592,7.3011,0.6671551515151508,537,18,121,8,15,175,99,143,0.273,0.6579999999999999,0.069,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,0,2,15.0,2,0,0,0,9,11,6,0,3,0,7,6,3,1,0,16,23,7,2,3,4,1,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,5,6,1,1,3,1,0,2,4,9,0,2,1,5,22,2,17,18,0,15,0,1,1,2,19,8,3,2,5,67,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541089347855754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351900523561955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347497319637774,0.0,0.0,0.3657218804584808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332455814655563,0.13185743891274146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412655192002466,0.0964306415860306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222548430300012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187173240182341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758689252068803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287060411191501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017198524502744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732267680618896,0.19616958420078634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825965921006473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744790943458953,0.0,0.1767678365003934,0.0,0.19899857364478885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981599993408129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677813335082354,0.0,0.0,0.14707905625070575,0.0,0.19254763067194566,0.0,0.1894593061952092,0.15267889913089294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189053261837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180298883198624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886465849242577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,raposa-,2018/03/21,"I start DBT next week What am I getting myself into? (note: I know what DBT is but I'm scared af about actually doing it)",-1.3326923076923087,0.6790815000000023,1.9219230769230795,92.86057692307695,99.3846153846154,4.138461538461539,14.192307692307693,5.985473137389443,-0.6874307692307693,93,2,21,1,4,33,21,26,0.155,0.845,0.0,-0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,13,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.4451781852770507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383418124744304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071153051843337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4851660210230117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4567283906629976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228954806267353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659301983204673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tact0000,2018/03/21,"RE: ""Scared of unhealthy FP ghosting me""; handling my wife's BPD and my limitations [This titular thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/7qal6b/scared_of_unhealthy_fp_ghosting_me/) was posted a good while ago. I'm very thankful for what the commenter said, which was the god's-honest truth and everything that she needed to hear. I wish she would have listened to what was said in that thread, and me. That person was (is .. ?) my wife, and she just recently totally lost her mind--started pulling the ""you're controlling and don't give me any privacy"" shit (she'd become very strange and distant that day, so I was asking her what she was up to and to communicate with me), as she began again, this week, speaking to this--HORRIBLE, predatory, sociopath. She outwardly (and honestly, I do tend to believe internally) displayed disdain generally towards anything other than purely speaking and discussing her problem(s) to this person in an attempt to purge the negative thoughts she again developed this week after a trauma. She left our house--against all my wishes, and her better judgment--and he drove her out and coerced her in her state of weak mental health, and familial hardship (brought on by this bullshit in particular--all of which he knew of--she literally broadcasted it 3 times through 3 horribly, dangerously revealing confessional/explanatory songs: Left Right, Don't Leave, Fire--on [her soundcloud](http://soundcloud.com/allysangel). He's a horrible predator--it was truly borderline rape (as far as he could have known, it would have appeared to be). She defends him--completely delusionally denying his obvious sociopathic, predatory behavior (probably solely for the sake of contradicting me). At this point, her damaging/overprotective sister who believes everything she says and excuses all of her terrible behavior **would appear to me** (my estimation, as she tends to promote that) to have pushed her, in her vulnerable emotional state, to completely abandon the house and block/delete me on every communication outlet I had with her. At this point, I'm just sat in the rubble--fairly unsure of what to do. This behavior--so contrary to everything she's every spoken/promised in her rational, normal states--has really left me wondering, am I the bad guy? What's my fault? It's hard to tell myself that I was a good person when these people treat me so terribly. This isn't perfectly explanatory--I tried to keep it relatively brief, but so much shit has happened this week, and past few months, and past few years--it's a lot to put down. Feel free to ask though. I'm just trying to connect and cope and do what's best--thank you for your support.",9.082170692431564,9.918899017391306,8.164444444444445,66.87240740740742,59.91304347826087,11.858293075684381,38.77616747181965,11.502022097120244,4.8515273752012895,2148,100,335,58,27,667,249,460,0.13,0.802,0.068,-0.969,0,0,0,0,0,0,131.0,1,2,0,7,11,23,4,1,14,0,28,5,2,1,7,54,58,29,1,8,4,3,2,0,0,3,2,8,0,4,31,21,0,4,6,1,1,8,4,13,0,0,18,10,53,11,54,34,7,50,0,2,0,1,57,23,2,4,16,217,84,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820756311284106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999711763934136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260297951352647,0.0,0.16495993417250646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366553095423314,0.0,0.09743935494214936,0.0,0.19880234556945867,0.0925883800641847,0.0780292635301303,0.0,0.0,0.22223664399546095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500783605119395,0.0,0.09895364092066188,0.07044176599123038,0.0,0.0,0.05689886219786638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992430570052393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866944182181072,0.0,0.2378771543207173,0.0,0.08317219236417335,0.0,0.0446100230106756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463499996829121,0.0,0.1480005828052795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735821111123936,0.07801849649515216,0.0,0.07903370968907159,0.0,0.0,0.09378075673490882,0.09943779730862534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180165803086393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841986136360841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341923705590932,0.28757539737125704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630976275041296,0.07500710558307343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891166793643912,0.0,0.0890837216898197,0.0,0.07042163534273291,0.0,0.06485670704485129,0.06541891058650436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644334179972345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844455734447233,0.06116521997754705,0.2311082084407949,0.0,0.0,0.16680532044800256,0.0,0.08449670065886006,0.0,0.09512320364211972,0.08442094687573991,0.0,0.08869210758920865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056520223106950214,0.0,0.08711312989137644,0.0,0.0,0.07534503963796457,0.1678474123829314,0.07016133841171486,0.08833022406813218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112668684018515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244724597247914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011850719001904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771139425691523,0.16245441075227993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668219264647918,0.07004207032004356,0.0514456435783097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980014853472705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455923799153031,0.0,0.0,0.21231018525488987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029124860422996,0.0,0.09567799093539124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802094911130826,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Oniscideo,2018/03/21,"Being BPD and no having fear of loneliness Its a common trait for BPD patients to feel uncomfortable when being alone. I remember that once that subject surfaced in a DBT group session and everyone were agreeing on how that's very true, and thy were sharing their stories of times they had to be alone and feeling uneasy about it. The papers were saying that, the therapists were saying that, and when came my turn to talk, I faced looks in disbelief as I explained that being alone, is what I know to do best, and where I feel the most confortable and calm. Is not like there aren't times when I feel the need for human companion, but that situation comes one a month as much. My only friend lives in the UK while I live in Chile, and I don't partake in social activities, not even on social media. The closest thing to social life I have is Reddit, and I don't even log in that often. In my case, solitude has become some sort of comfort zone at best and an addiction at worst. I feel that being alone is when I can be truly me. I listen to my favorite music, watch my favorite films, I read, I play the harmonica (poorly) I draw, I laugh, Heck, I even have very meaningful conversations with myself. Being alone is really something I can do well and enjoy. It comes to a point where I feel uncomfortable around other people, my own thoughts interests me more than whatever is happening around me, and after a few hours a month of social interaction I get tired and immediately go back to my peaceful solitude. Being that lonely plus having low self esteem, catches the attention of many narcissists, something that is common for BPD patients, and said narcs usually threaten me with abandonment whenever they feel I'm not fulfilling my roles in the relationship according to their pathological high standards, but never, ever I feel that as a deadly punishment. If they say that they will leave me I said ""ok"" and when they remember me that I have no other people to support me on my break-up I say ""I don't care"" Anyone feels similar? 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I feel hopeless. My sister has been diagnosed with BPD for around 3+ years now. Afted she moved out due to family problems and abuse from our mother, she went off the rails and started self harming and had multiple attempts to end her life. Shes been in and out of hospital during that time, got pregnant, had the baby and subsequently had it taken away from her at birth (he's been adopted, she's not allowed to see him again) Our relationship has been tumultuous for sure, the first few months she moved out she stopped talking to me and would refuse help. We ended up not speaking for around 6-8 months. Now she has been in hospital for 2 years straight. She's been sectioned a number of times and she's not being let out for another 18 months. Her hospital is around an hour from where I live and due to not driving I haven't seen her since January. We speak on the phone pretty much every week but most of the time its like talking to a brick wall. Talking to her is like talking to a stranger. Shes so different. Nothing like her former self, who although was difficult at times, she had drive, energy, an actual personality. Now I get one word answers. Its been this way pretty much since she got diagnosed. She has a few friends but nothing in terms of family other than me. Our mother is an addict and the cause of all her problems. They are in off and on again contact but my Mother's interactions with her often make her go off the rails and she will go to a really dark place. I miss my sister. I feel like I've lost her and she's never going to be the person she once was. I just got off the phone to her and would tell her something about my day and there would just be no response. I ask how she's been and she will just say fine. Nothing more. I don't remember the last time I had an in depth discussion with her about anything. Will I ever get my sister back? Is she ever going to be the person she was before? Is she gone? ",2.777740171445462,4.585330123115579,3.8290629618681633,88.45955956251848,75.65829145728642,6.89340821755838,23.2636712976648,7.724431198458867,1.0052888560449302,1551,46,322,22,34,501,186,398,0.066,0.843,0.091,0.8819,2,1,1,0,1,1,40.0,5,0,1,3,21,14,0,0,20,0,42,4,0,4,5,61,63,21,0,5,10,7,2,4,1,6,4,3,0,5,8,28,0,2,4,0,0,10,8,7,0,2,24,7,60,7,54,28,9,72,0,3,2,0,75,28,0,2,37,233,68,0,0.0,0.09813349268419748,0.08082476750806837,0.09029093380260576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684871316700818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815750899744462,0.22119410288616287,0.07742972997055708,0.0,0.07781634713678774,0.06368693048024225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047755187810748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862912464715744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850835798069724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053414952639415085,0.0,0.0,0.16813025453503067,0.0,0.08653397750758544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467158523734399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498390098049672,0.06978321610566474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561591407785737,0.0,0.08375711479333614,0.059169841608178016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045048007883133,0.0,0.0,0.0639900056880352,0.0,0.08654476889387032,0.0,0.18828429535396,0.0,0.19872696402344864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103103720802153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156545188908394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751302451635481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469366601510023,0.058501395995003376,0.1618554744711539,0.0,0.07313555370744346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904127291357246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528599900356088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19832918469659444,0.17605867854272494,0.12177107946735205,0.0,0.06387936280732932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23841703371993764,0.0,0.0,0.08820539276835615,0.05612402685768126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695748441359936,0.08653397750758544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852459132461542,0.0,0.15850372766544768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053059497568303374,0.0,0.0,0.08892252019115746,0.09382401641078976,0.0,0.0,0.06586536924670272,0.0,0.0,0.06600040569568218,0.0,0.17280804030220062,0.0,0.0,0.1370265698011061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376234897335943,0.0,0.0,0.058623609633567664,0.0,0.0,0.06924499327933292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780611140426198,0.0,0.0,0.2662847932213576,0.0723922664014941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414781692543833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574223544684607,0.0664368205396829,0.0,0.0,0.07677914421452812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650845208597168,0.0,0.0,0.10667252905687843 bpd,AbThrowaway8675309,2018/03/21,"Extreme Depression Hey guys, Just curious if anyone else has extreme depression? I have been diagnosed with BPD and Major Depressive Disorder. My depression has been at an all time high for just over 6 months now. It’s so bad. I don’t eat, I sleep all day, I cry all day, and I haven’t even been able to shower most days. I’m not currently on any meds. Though they are going to put me on some next visit. Just curious if this is normal thing for BPD & MDD. Any personal experiences would be really helpful. Thanks guys. ",2.138716577540105,4.643106098039219,3.759696969696972,84.62318181818183,81.15686274509805,8.414973262032088,22.998217468805706,9.095868883498916,2.1353019607843144,410,14,81,12,11,136,75,102,0.207,0.6990000000000001,0.094,-0.9339,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,1,0,12,3,1,0,3,16,15,6,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,3,0,8,1,9,10,6,16,0,4,0,0,7,5,0,4,8,50,11,0,0.1400808243202709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517775146258633,0.0,0.1905195282278611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794776940612868,0.14352935850206655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696163712748542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528537889393111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387220782705108,0.2710216292673536,0.0,0.4826056348984269,0.14217908800688786,0.0,0.0,0.16054476070450555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433376544957666,0.11701955394080855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925220633298202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137025925587989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961116062507323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774040791057896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389322376482924,0.14800308186530556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559821685849334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181117752342104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897754584691147,0.0,0.13724946585870565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231317262718702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081991902516527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973936303407241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401819890163094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896760258181342,0.0,0.0,0.09306347525372212,0.0,0.13762869866547373,0.0,0.08168225516129858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950939848192562,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LaughingFox2,2018/03/21,"People And Assumptions 🤬 I hate when people assume things about me. For example, just because I haven’t gotten physically ill during a panic attack that does not mean I do not have panic attacks.",5.241666666666667,7.539602055555558,6.462222222222222,70.10500000000002,70.1111111111111,8.133333333333335,25.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.4561222222222225,158,5,23,3,3,53,30,36,0.38,0.563,0.056,-0.9299,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,4,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.562771001463591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077645953747493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164493189235878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441975147733099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694262906733416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5804015164378447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342949488476322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432202299615306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,starrymazed,2018/03/21,"Never ending spiritual obsession I make myself insane. I’ve gone from religious to atheist to Buddhist to new age and back again a hundred times now. Just when I think maybe I’m content in my beliefs, I change completely. My boyfriend doesn’t understand why I obsess so much about seeking God or not. I can’t help it. But I’m so sick and tired of it. Just like me changing my style and identity every few months. I’m close to 40 years old and a mom and feel like a kid damnit! Why can’t I just stick with SOMETHING???? The only thing I’ve been able to stick with is relationships, funny as that is. Sorry for the rant, I’m just sick and tired of this. ",2.2079824561403534,4.120673451127821,3.4603195488721816,89.99443922305767,77.64661654135338,6.5385964912280725,23.11340852130325,7.492282038375204,0.8769303258145356,511,16,109,7,12,166,88,133,0.212,0.703,0.085,-0.9589,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,5,0,6,4,0,1,1,22,15,12,0,0,7,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,1,11,2,14,13,2,15,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,14,63,16,0,0.17602941231771335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535575242515396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724315551300362,0.0,0.1845634897154025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559098110158223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483123719639729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900575995987993,0.12575544733211408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179888045358019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199815853874387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750099961286167,0.0,0.17684520463427073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616352020799414,0.14050499749344464,0.0,0.1294018722572917,0.0,0.135764734648467,0.17001030332514466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471325689306045,0.0,0.0,0.1338783002567339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889897116606848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551604162115802,0.0,0.19705051534942808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694611976084834,0.11279253965704795,0.0,0.0,0.102644165913494,0.4046398289731463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325282623339206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176783299862553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133571701816218 bpd,reaper-daw,2018/03/21,"How often does your mood change? How often do you experience mood changes within a day? My mood changes constantly throughout the day. It can change several times within 1 minute. It is exhausting for me. I don't want to kill myself but i sure as hell do not want to exist anymore. I was taking lexapro but it wasn't working for me. I was on it for close to two months and there was minimal improvement. All it was doing was taking away my sex drive and my energy to work out. I just quit cold turkey and dont really want to take anymore medication. I dont think it will ever work for me. Right now i haven't been intimate with anyone in over 3 months... I just feel absolutely dead inside. It pisses me off when someone says ""it will get better""... that annoys me because it really doesn't for some people. Life isnt a fairy tale. Some people never get better. Anyway. take care everyone ",1.4959238095238092,4.0673289542857125,3.2360000000000007,86.70466666666668,85.17142857142858,6.3047619047619055,19.19047619047619,7.62386473244151,0.8413619047619054,697,19,135,13,21,231,104,175,0.153,0.76,0.087,-0.9065,0,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,0,6,11,12,4,0,3,0,20,5,1,2,4,26,32,9,2,3,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,7,3,19,4,20,23,3,21,1,0,0,1,3,10,2,4,10,94,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300298287310409,0.08109162532668092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896126700778123,0.0,0.0,0.07069659375888251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513892420376006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824308810831614,0.0,0.4907399008127537,0.0,0.0,0.12532655129148298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495871017055184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148951378928203,0.0,0.2718410201221049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490500361602136,0.0,0.1108180012271647,0.0,0.1134446969562902,0.0,0.0,0.058639872498484485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118311921009813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830790244965154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191577302047387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683147136434027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18513847063671746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944619688844037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608033557824788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335248457131652,0.0,0.0,0.14859165958216633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904104996104082,0.0,0.09222707501857604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101746066645806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826428236364386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930399849239017,0.0,0.3487916637061926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743113720645824,0.0,0.0,0.06762529531340115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132896177850982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521317712199152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25329107235767656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dreamsarewhitenoise,2018/03/21,BPD: Are you an only child? I am an only child who has just been diagnosed with BPD. I am intrigued to find out whether people think this is a factor affecting the disorder.,3.076666666666668,5.107957647058826,4.447647058823531,83.36107843137258,75.47058823529412,8.062745098039215,26.03921568627451,8.841846274778883,2.134050980392157,136,5,26,3,3,45,28,34,0.083,0.917,0.0,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,1,0,7,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7060235844241927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28448550785450355,0.0,0.0,0.3212333010617454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561773327881597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.426341941566475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431578462606744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959665703621258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,teahontas,2018/03/21,"I was self-diagnosed borderline for ten years before being professionally diagnosed and here’s why —from a psychological perspective. This one goes out to those who are self diagnosed borderline in general but also those who are under eighteen. I’m not going to go too much into my story, for that is a whole different post for another time. But for as long as I can remember, I was a very emotional child. However, when I look back on my past and struggling with this disorder, I see myself at 14. This was when I first started to self harm and this was also when I was first hospitalized. I was hospitalized twice in 2007 at 14 for attempted suicide. I was diagnosed with manic depression. I wasn’t hospitalized again until 2017 when I officially got my diagnosis —ten years later. Here is why I didn’t get diagnosed at 14 and instead got diagnosed at 24. When you’re 13, 14, 15 —you’re going through puberty. Your hormones are a mess, your body is changing and your emotions are everywhere. This is normal. It is okay to be sensitive and emotional. It is okay to react like the entire world is ending when something goes wrong because that something that went wrong IS YOUR entire world at that age. Your friends, your relationships, it means everything to you and that’s normal. When you’re 16, 17, 18 —you should have matured a bit more. But you’re still going through adolescence. You’re a teenager. You’re overwhelmed with making life choices at these ages, trying to figure out college, you’re getting into intimate relationships, you’re experiencing heartbreak for the first time. Again, it is okay to be emotional and sensitive. You are still developing. You are slowly turning into an adult. This is why getting diagnosed with borderline before your 20’s is so hard. The symptoms of BPD are very similar to the hormones that puberty causes a teenager. This is why they slam diagnosis like ‘depression’ and ‘bi-polar’ instead. These are not a personality disorder. These are mental illnesses that can usually be fixed with a pill that regulates your levels. Those pills never worked for me and that was because my disorder was not from a lack of something in my brain, it was because of the way I was raised and my environment, formed my personality to be corrupt. And again, without going too far into my story, I didn’t even have a troubled childhood. No trauma or anything. Just a narcissistic mother and a distant father. Now, at 24 I’m getting my heartbroken and my entire world is crashing down. I can’t see the will to live. Despite the fact that I’m college educated, have a good job, an amazing family. My brain still wants to act like a 14 year old girl. At 24, with that time to mature and grow and experience and I haven’t “grown out of” these episodes, that’s when finally people realized something was not right. My point is two things, 1) don’t lose hope, if you’re seeking help with BPD and you’re self-diagnosed, I know it’s really really hard to get the help you need. But hang in there. 2) don’t label yourself with this if you could just be going through puberty. Keep trying to push through. I know that life seems so hard when you’re so young and I’m not saying you don’t have a mental illness but maybe just maybe it’s not BPD and that’s a good thing. I made this post because I was scrolling through yesterday and saw another post about someone being self diagnosed and struggling to get that proper diagnosis in order to achieve help. And as **always,** *I am here for you.*",4.22770254690284,6.540353677811557,5.171564825489995,78.19142857142859,73.01215805471125,8.610879362750238,29.277958285295053,9.26909956475344,2.8531469657268627,2792,118,496,67,58,911,264,658,0.128,0.782,0.09,-0.9862,3,0,4,0,0,1,83.0,0,15,1,7,36,24,0,3,27,3,61,17,3,4,2,79,96,49,1,10,18,2,3,3,1,2,14,1,0,8,42,38,0,1,7,0,0,12,17,13,0,7,21,9,51,11,72,65,6,88,0,5,4,0,35,30,0,5,44,338,93,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471689819355692,0.04407357613664231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108302424854682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04358810826663919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040729082705279036,0.0,0.12915507854493966,0.0,0.09014364541244617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057827280935315035,0.0588354497616384,0.20013382985509506,0.118259495648841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054412673568786006,0.05603306597307214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0422905966544661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912424324649325,0.4838521727709235,0.0,0.05534023229171961,0.18211757294457576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383272500628261,0.04691388044951523,0.0,0.0,0.03498483028141222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760417651436155,0.05181281716297551,0.04993346760469943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802379827973874,0.0,0.13516352922586736,0.0,0.0,0.04092290544270785,0.0,0.16604140080583288,0.0,0.18061743390087748,0.08885400392748816,0.08472661389546336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234663306068182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065098976320115,0.0,0.0,0.052609124131345296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256251557202518,0.04708034615487053,0.0,0.0,0.058219598278167486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482565662648685,0.07763239203469223,0.0,0.04677166874247371,0.04687496741709367,0.04447973623029736,0.05925758544055292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011955336691232,0.035356516774796856,0.0,0.10642684683185556,0.057697623754950814,0.0,0.0,0.106758467328712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389375365505763,0.039275062489672184,0.040852147078235916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379468629367906,0.0,0.0,0.055580951544109136,0.0,0.035892452570766564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050563900074438915,0.036721306045537916,0.09249913872519618,0.0,0.0,0.05007183187147568,0.0,0.1521859582555844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786524797047372,0.0,0.0,0.11373550748692705,0.06000235990839638,0.045234338412819014,0.0,0.042122238444117485,0.0,0.0,0.08441719397970847,0.048220030770333,0.2762856096428229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044879570683856236,0.16310925744015806,0.0,0.0,0.03749098641185585,0.0,0.12690081573587808,0.0,0.0,0.1107472002180749,0.0,0.0579383383643034,0.0,0.0,0.05505397932036472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037910245351206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265810978406952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719235199392646,0.0576139175913144,0.05174198891839168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05833671176686536,0.08740820915433056,0.031241868243377886,0.042043491883710836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910181871183452,0.19118133871465431,0.059136822651836035,0.0,0.05105921196911172,0.0,0.038561297187647336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115824272776457,0.0,0.10232886619539804 bpd,c0123456789,2018/03/21,"Largest study with Lamotrigine for BPD found it to be innefective >We conducted a clinical trial of the mood stabiliser “lamotrigine” for people with BPD who were using mental health services. We compared the effects of lamotrigine with those of a placebo (a dummy pill that did not contain any active drug) so that neither the researchers nor the participants knew what treatment they had been given until after we had completed an initial analysis of the results of the study. We assessed mental health, social functioning, quality of life, side effects and use of services in the year after people entered the study. ​>A total of 276 participants took part and 195 were followed up one year later. Less than half the participants (39%) were taking trial medication regularly at one year. We found no difference in mental health or any of the other outcomes we measured between those prescribed lamotrigine and those prescribed the placebo. We checked to see if the results were affected by whether people were taking their medication regularly or not; and found no difference between those taking lamotrigine and those taking the placebo. On the basis of the results of this study, we do not recommend the use of lamotrigine for people with BPD. Further research is needed to find out how best to help improve the mental health of people with this condition. [Full link here](https://www.labile.org/news) It's a sad day for me, I was really hopeful that this could be a good treatment for BPD and previous less-controlled studies have shown that Lamotrigine was a promising drug for monotherapy but unfortunately not. :(",12.062053167420814,11.535840080882355,10.530294117647065,56.831900452488696,54.441176470588225,13.075113122171945,45.5554298642534,12.09199376347754,5.942676696832581,1330,67,179,32,13,414,143,272,0.046,0.898,0.056,0.5819,1,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,7,0,2,3,2,6,0,0,24,0,17,11,0,10,1,49,34,15,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,0,17,19,0,1,8,0,1,3,8,1,0,3,17,1,11,4,41,14,6,20,0,1,1,0,12,9,0,4,8,139,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771844237935596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083236255700307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360434734219061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074950241293332,0.0,0.09707690081854986,0.06910577788741387,0.0,0.0,0.05581972680216225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085958125566406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074872950123496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910816045331602,0.0,0.0,0.2847037221896017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259681283276419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680084991533589,0.0,0.0,0.05801486154402345,0.0,0.0,0.08596696983910243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113516497956323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438671487306534,0.348901529628317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417818521458386,0.0,0.08359372948365522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730153043031098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372880391404312,0.0,0.3000258473594629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544826892418113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897178472917569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882302031526256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603092801046372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616391595905116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22426281868719766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721248831147156 bpd,cattivity,2018/03/21,"Its all just so tiring... I don't know how to make this short. So it won't be. I don't know anyone else in my life diagnosed with bpd except myself so it'd be nice to talk to others suffering with this illness as well. I could use some advice. So I'll just introduce myself. I'm 19 years old. I've struggled with depression for a very long time and self harm since I was 11. My bpd symptoms weren't super apparent to me until I hit about 15 years old and got stuck in a shitty relationship with someone who was awful for me. I've been in and out of the hospital a couple times for debilitating anxiety and a couple suicide attempts. Went through dbt a couple years back but didn't find it super helpful, it didn't work with my schedule and I found it to be more work than it was worth. Though that's not to say I didn't get anything out of it, because it did help me at the time. Anyway, I haven't been officially diagnosed with bpd but I have been told by a therapist that I have ""personality disorder traits"" whatever that means, and the last time I went in to the hospital the psychiatrist told me all my symptoms resemble bpd and I probably have it but he didn't want to give me an official diagnosis because he thinks I'm too young. So that brings me here... I moved in with my s/o 3 months ago. Right now I'm the only one supporting us financially and we live in one small room together. I'm also trying to recover from a nasty alcohol addiction and some recent substance abuse problems. As well as trying to recover from restrictive eating habits, not really a full blown Eating disorder but I've had a tough time with purging and occasional restriction for a long time now. It's stressful enough. I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I'm so tired of the constant fucking mood swings, the fighting with my boyfriend because my emotions feel so strong and out of my control. I cry multiple times every single day, it seems like anything could trigger a breakdown during the day. I sleep a lot to mask the emptiness. I feel like I can't even be a normal person for my s/o. My s/o hates my alcohol addiction so much and I know my BPD is also a huge factor in what's damaging us. I don't know how he hasn't ripped my head off or at least left me but I fear it every day. And then that fear just fuels more of my symptoms and it's just a fucked up cycle I can't pull myself out of. I just don't know what to do. I don't have time or money to see a therapist. I feel so alone. Some of my friends have stopped talking to me and others I've had to cut out because they weren't good for me. I love my s/o so much and I don't want to push him away and I'm tired of being miserable. Today I got really drunk and tried to find pills to OD on because I just feel so useless to everyone, especially my boyfriend. I feel like all my issues are causing him to fall out of love with me. Just don't know where to go from here. Any advice ? ",2.2789563773392096,3.8245789413680775,4.114740371718721,87.00509835856168,76.3615635179153,7.551842626301336,24.57993229865236,8.313332769828598,1.4252369930382578,2306,77,500,42,51,781,261,614,0.194,0.7190000000000001,0.087,-0.9967,1,1,2,0,4,1,54.0,3,0,1,7,37,33,5,5,28,1,43,24,2,7,3,94,89,46,2,6,18,0,6,4,1,1,15,1,1,3,26,35,5,4,18,1,2,8,20,17,2,2,23,8,68,15,79,56,15,69,0,5,1,4,26,28,2,7,37,323,94,2,0.0,0.0686673184679829,0.0,0.12635923040357636,0.0,0.11326610900732235,0.051373700727985486,0.12387275660550152,0.0,0.06002400687878085,0.0,0.09269334756828428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03941145643034589,0.0,0.044335494068296746,0.0,0.0,0.04052355453853882,0.05938185037193967,0.095384220989122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445072568702502,0.04456389574972607,0.0,0.17664445997572026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649621080425937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059535853776273774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262887586637626,0.06500157442916071,0.09254486550265796,0.19237865267910545,0.0636609577089024,0.1121287380134258,0.0,0.04991664405679885,0.11764641628942132,0.0,0.0,0.1328431347795168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860507481902867,0.04841405072262039,0.06519168871891927,0.05133101800243415,0.05988311229339272,0.0,0.03827879799710388,0.0,0.09765934530564988,0.05537858315812198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043120347932716,0.17582304424795725,0.1242094084172897,0.0,0.0,0.10593982577321064,0.0,0.0,0.0635447774981236,0.044775967706445687,0.10715711504435983,0.030279148559900118,0.055595814348678316,0.0329372197960913,0.048609989532824714,0.0927039780440558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721866431519833,0.05947865425445315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769216587785227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060490068827346775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110364898467785,0.047241142941076654,0.0,0.0,0.06296838742635928,0.0,0.04093540217240591,0.1132557408005812,0.0,0.051175416469916274,0.1025768822913566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0492713548578082,0.10461348376403516,0.0,0.038685480324389065,0.0,0.0,0.06313009572614997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462592091464728,0.061597101141862766,0.08520733610168557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05678369450200639,0.0,0.0,0.12162825999325612,0.0,0.07854375342257883,0.04407746629823242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120831851081212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248540168866479,0.0554552051917255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425504417740061,0.0,0.05722367104138663,0.0622220899911485,0.0,0.049493340076510434,0.0,0.04608822291314342,0.0,0.0,0.04618271247621948,0.05276014782476747,0.060459810471874036,0.0,0.0,0.04794105890731749,0.0,0.05799695604775883,0.0,0.0491051694858967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845305996727221,0.06638737303459655,0.06058725555894539,0.0,0.0633934746201518,0.06576676245865774,0.0,0.18071262341901287,0.0,0.09316423067787333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345806796155784,0.0,0.0371352889593884,0.056940593034980114,0.0,0.2703526862881361,0.1998325911325867,0.054934659772900574,0.11075716631624397,0.0,0.11804312907265507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942570272215069,0.05005459993631405,0.0,0.047819028341619885,0.06836684093767295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421719287238414,0.10744991955895562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843840083647053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196355582858056 bpd,CheshireDrago,2018/03/21,"Shutting down I am not sure if I am disassociating or just shutting down...or if they are the same thing. ANd heads up this is going to be kind of long... I was given my BPD diagnosis mid-2006 and it was not really any easier knowing the name for what affected me, for almost a decade I had more ups than downs and made so many rash decisions... dropped out of college, quit my job, moved across the country, married someone I never met in person, moved to the other cost, moved again without having a job or home, left my abusive husband without getting a lawyer, moved to another city, moved back... The best thing I did was take a chance on going out on a date with the guy who drove the bus that took me home from DBT. We dated for a year before he asked me to marry him and moved states and have been married for just over a year now. The problem? Sit tight this is where it gets convoluted and slightly complicated. My dad had, with my step mom's insisting, bought a small 2 bedroom house for my step-brother and/or my little sister to live in so they can get on their feet and out on their own. All they had to do is pay the bills. They moved in this past August and my step-brother moved out before September was up... which I thought was odd. Then my stepmom asks us around the end of October if we wanted to move out of our apartment and into the house because my sister was not going to be there much longer. I found this odd but as there were 3 adults in a 2 bedroom apartment we loved the idea. My sister ended up getting evicted and out of the house by the 3rd of December because she had not paid a single bill since she moved in and it was putting Dad and my step-mom in danger of losing their house. Which is not good since my folks are foster parents and kind of need their house. After the two weeks of cleaning the house, we were able to move in and were even able to get our girlfriend's dogs from her parent's house. We got a letter Tuesday that we had til the 26th for the electric and water to be paid of they get shut off. In this small town, they are on the same bill. The kicker... the bill was about $600... Needless to say, I was not happy. We went over to my folks to show them the letter and figure out what was going to happen. My stepmom said it would be taken care of as the bill was due to my sister. Welp found out yesterday that they paid the bill and now are endanger of they themselves losing their power and water, which is bad since they have foster kids. Oh and my dad is recovering from knee replacement. My husband managed to talk with my sister and she just shrugged about the power situation and said, ""Guess I will stay at my friends, not my problem"" She then went on to say how she didn't really care about anyone there anyway. That they are just people that get her stuff, that she can use. And included me in that. I kind of broke when I was told that. My little sister who I remember being born viewing her family as objects... willing tossing us aside... In all of my episodes, I don't recall ever saying that about family in such a straight, serious tone. Out of anger, yes, but never in a normal and calm state. Her mom had bent over backward, turning my dad's workshop into a little house so she would not be on the street, accepted that my husband and I have a girlfriend and that she lives with us. I just can't get myself to do anything... Not even watching my daily YouTube videos I always watch. I feel hallow but at the same time that I need to keep a mask of some short on for my husband and girlfriend so they don't worry since there really is not anything I can think of that they can do to help me. I went so far into pissed that I just feel almost completely dead inside. I'm not expecting tons of advice I just needed vent to people that might understand my brain process I guess.",5.124372478585247,5.317001898701303,5.41910196186792,85.39017269964081,68.32467532467533,8.05968499585521,27.292069632495163,7.616502295504843,1.3621820945012428,3002,84,623,29,47,954,322,770,0.083,0.865,0.052000000000000005,-0.9696,9,0,0,0,0,0,93.0,12,0,18,6,33,23,3,0,43,1,63,9,6,4,6,123,117,47,1,13,28,18,3,0,4,5,0,5,5,4,35,50,2,2,13,2,12,22,19,10,0,1,44,11,101,13,113,62,12,119,0,3,3,1,87,65,1,11,27,445,136,6,0.0937026790910932,0.05551117617373534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457825867668812,0.0,0.0,0.09382969778577832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898406768445314,0.0,0.0,0.031860517491861966,0.04912771455705398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032759545958149894,0.0,0.07710932090628342,0.041707625256340884,0.08759935601828417,0.0,0.0,0.036025788149925506,0.039118911538771214,0.05712028345710698,0.0,0.07973407837809886,0.0,0.049167590355104006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059007622048723264,0.052301589601108034,0.0,0.0,0.0955361262895653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912273812946878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299276124606196,0.0,0.0,0.0618897358086533,0.042379718908756435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833454652220335,0.0,0.047378889998942866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274015113212476,0.036197228713116585,0.0,0.19582312955855774,0.0,0.1065067838131106,0.0392966807640556,0.037471296185893135,0.0,0.10322406515228946,0.046390192107201474,0.04143048483120188,0.0498741221433532,0.0,0.0,0.04808299098551693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03140346531352774,0.0,0.09399142717782703,0.0,0.0,0.4324812436344229,0.0,0.052889459582272584,0.0,0.0,0.0929854504373359,0.04164362327710089,0.0,0.14636538137493782,0.02574827094585139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090411750140575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087205153949808,0.08274118235009763,0.041461961172133084,0.0,0.10482932968587433,0.0,0.0,0.042285163138278466,0.04433187029599464,0.0,0.04749990469066656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04970186740202987,0.0,0.1646151678857465,0.0,0.547751153026139,0.034441125350196666,0.104219023865565,0.07226928270198282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590436527336026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404573616621378,0.0,0.044724904935795035,0.06496163941417024,0.04090878255076156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966080906694665,0.0,0.04709853667008772,0.0,0.0498321666520655,0.0,0.0,0.09004250342997126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307343458229405,0.0,0.08913270551323207,0.11177419704508132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502364888184048,0.05266286864337077,0.0,0.0,0.0396969879585982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499372941864689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363357469487181,0.0,0.0,0.04415683305884927,0.0,0.03522637661710268,0.037657332029510535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062251896354235774,0.03002044660661019,0.0,0.03719473025375277,0.02731939285750038,0.0,0.0,0.04476846270581717,0.05205356211944903,0.0,0.050960803724728485,0.04576695097010289,0.0487738967681468,0.16906917846001726,0.04046451466815509,0.0,0.0,0.02763413394031423,0.0,0.037581318554200965,0.0,0.0,0.13029498342662066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032603885591277,0.0,0.0,0.04757980952664394,0.0,0.06656369476511058,0.0,0.0,0.06034145317165328 bpd,needafriend2319,2018/03/21,"Idk what to do anymore. So, I'm sitting here at 00:15 and writing this because I'm just lost. I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago and really thought I was making some sort of progress with it. I had a great relationship with someone I shared a very good connection to. She was my best friend and the one person I felt I could really count on. She told me she saw progress in the time that we'd been together, that I was getting better. Then some things happened and my worst symptoms came out and I destroyed the shit out of that relationship on purpose. I made it so that she would never want to give me another chance, to never want to speak to me again. And now I feel empty...I can't hold down a job, I don't have any money, I still live with my parents who just pity me and don't know how to help me anymore. My brother doesn't believe in what I have going on and says I just need to 'chill out' and 'get out of my head'. To some degree he's right, I do need to get out of my head but I don't know how... I have destroyed every good thing in my life because I honest to god don't think I deserve it. I don't think that I'm good enough. My recent relationship I kept telling her that I was not a good person, but she always would tell me I was. I still don't think that I am. I don't like myself very much. I've been in therapy for so long, working at all these issues I have, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I miss her so much but I know that I'll never talk to her again. She's mad at me, maybe rightfully so, but I still feel like that whole thing was some way that she was just trying to mess with me. And I feel terrible saying that, but she just got tired of me. I'm not looking for pity, I'm just looking for people who understand what I'm going through. I've been dealing with the BPD for a long time in my life, and until my diagnosis I really had no idea what was wrong with me. I just did copious amounts of drugs to numb out feeling empty and numb out all the ridiculous range of emotions I feel on a day to day basis. My family tries to understand to some degree, but I know they don't get it and I know that they're worried about it. My mom told me that the fact that me killing myself is in the realm of possibilities in her lifetime she had to come to recognize and accept that it's there. I am not actively suicidal, but I can understand why she worries about it. My dad thinks that I just need to tighten up my boot straps and stop being so emotional all the time. My sister told me that she always knew something was off about me and she feels terrible that I have what I have. It's just a strange mixture of a lot of things and I'm just tired. I'm tired of being alive and I'm tired of feeling so many different things. I'm tired of trying and I'm tired of destroying everything good that comes into my life. My parents don't believe I'll ever be able to make it on my own and I want to prove them wrong but there's a big part of me that feels like maybe they're right. I feel like a crazy person and I just feel like I let off this vibe that makes people not want to engage with me at all. I don't have any friends, I don't talk to anyone. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. ",2.4191118299707703,3.3309984240231536,3.8165489061036872,91.83209386793793,74.89001447178003,7.040447206378935,23.389830027524766,7.362008331298528,0.6635219829176235,2505,68,589,28,51,827,242,691,0.184,0.727,0.08900000000000001,-0.9967,4,0,2,0,0,1,58.0,1,0,2,6,34,38,7,0,19,0,55,17,3,6,10,131,126,41,2,10,25,6,11,5,2,2,14,4,0,3,47,40,0,3,30,0,1,5,23,19,0,1,29,18,104,19,85,89,20,62,0,4,3,0,51,32,1,7,28,399,151,2,0.05245591807257901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649900636235493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729505198473793,0.0,0.0,0.07134364615886178,0.055004603814851415,0.0,0.0,0.20808870160935367,0.03667839757719246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395328155763058,0.0,0.0,0.11819971321888093,0.05504924974420754,0.04639299675022943,0.0,0.0,0.1321327850118964,0.0,0.0,0.05999559585900584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037225731022824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041881782204053,0.0,0.0,0.06765945517396987,0.0540797482011958,0.0,0.05324165265526678,0.0,0.054805269712805915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060832211312408624,0.0,0.0,0.11801169491620375,0.0,0.054200985719746735,0.0,0.0,0.047449381054633415,0.04419637338134293,0.0,0.047143996786511065,0.0,0.04945077110167245,0.0,0.2652328830148164,0.14989807340895386,0.05036590753612536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105462436068735,0.0,0.10962420861898424,0.05032049645026357,0.059623814175506024,0.21998767662551613,0.041953789621953085,0.057832834860677015,0.0,0.0,0.04638659511325182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766981095039277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035160096160752566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059216346547649214,0.0,0.05475034999240128,0.05205440460609399,0.0,0.058034701356460876,0.0,0.20179880512342194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053639730226395635,0.1111534987213817,0.12813655959747405,0.0,0.04631953669505699,0.09284367360551173,0.08809951964081872,0.0,0.0572618311150657,0.04459614570392486,0.0,0.04963505801131226,0.10504419792097748,0.05318206764369362,0.10539804051700853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061435737262282485,0.0,0.0,0.07712227087727183,0.11668619575287865,0.121371713467036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0355454876558096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164921785604499,0.05680464748070355,0.0,0.07273265755096307,0.13740745302568466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059136165980312363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081381298352764,0.0,0.05179389076756282,0.1689540747918914,0.0,0.1343912022591466,0.0,0.08343010295540078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053845246089704465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044445729157008014,0.04038312849655723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567409179849995,0.04385549632920329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05737826043138189,0.0,0.0,0.05452178388971615,0.0,0.08432415990375562,0.09169756896722787,0.0,0.0599879138945849,0.0,0.17424690556851266,0.13444653689508118,0.0,0.041644139566720015,0.09176240300231876,0.3617421674829143,0.0,0.1503716330019987,0.0,0.10684237522315844,0.0,0.0,0.16382538201259575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656325207607078,0.12375943826072193,0.04163706614400515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733330706437821,0.0585651592192031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381885331038065,0.10654306214712228,0.0,0.07452635832989098,0.11470462348878008,0.0,0.033779891403910536 bpd,seraalexandra99,2018/03/21,"""You never care"" My partner yelled at me for smoking all her cigars, making a mess around the house, spending all my money on food and drug binges. I am out of control and I am spiraling again. I just lost my best friend to an overdose and I don't care, and I haven't in years. I am so indifferent, i just watch the world pass by as I make impulsive and reckless choices hurting my loved ones and destroying who i am. She doesn't know but after our fight, i spent three hundred dollars on her credit card. Ugh what should i do. I am sick of psych wards and therapists.",2.463739130434785,4.276597678260874,3.362826086956524,91.43554347826091,76.56521739130434,6.339130434782609,24.54347826086957,7.1686216300943375,0.8795391304347824,443,15,95,5,10,141,81,115,0.217,0.695,0.087,-0.9138,1,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,1,1,0,3,5,12,2,0,4,0,10,5,0,3,3,20,18,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,2,9,2,1,1,0,5,1,4,6,0,2,2,2,22,6,13,15,3,12,0,2,1,1,10,7,0,0,4,69,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856907670093754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340858047039879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4548453735332013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501787227214145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25867667957612056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26972284402356284,0.0,0.17233420125264684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573791983814293,0.2387884016074659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258694559901795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434943596448277,0.0,0.201318721718397,0.0,0.29778614257928626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203622421286194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114999968517082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589877462575797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364215859144866 bpd,mylittlevoice,2018/03/21,I might fail I class & I know that will send me into a horrible spiral of self hate. My first semester back at school and I'm not doing as good as I could've. Failing one class and I don't know if I'll be able to get financial aid. Huge test tomorrow that I've been studying for and don't think I'll pass. I'm having so much anxiety. I wish I could quit but I spent so much money on this class. Everyone will see me as a failure (my family) even though they don't know how hard I've been working. Idk anymore ,0.4823376623376632,2.2927702857142878,2.709480519480522,93.77188311688313,82.75,6.572727272727272,20.003246753246753,7.686295010490155,0.5369535714285711,400,11,95,7,11,136,74,112,0.175,0.7759999999999999,0.049,-0.9035,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,5,6,4,1,0,2,0,12,0,0,1,0,15,23,12,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,2,2,4,3,0,2,3,2,13,1,9,15,2,9,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,2,3,55,16,8,0.1954757830673258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179792928452795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953843900575758,0.0,0.1938594508929908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503088111787758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31214301354005225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910991113995135,0.0,0.0,0.1867854876514798,0.0,0.0,0.1842771713766949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16627160121821724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212802868726092,0.0,0.0,0.16395581255116212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510790627159808,0.1929918663026172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32228513472130144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073689150525832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28739438457270583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245944955944855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791255688184276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978319284181233,0.15576889076970876,0.0,0.20392387342341695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252529888233638,0.19205396437888744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478750350336327,0.0,0.0,0.1423086981783532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KazIncorporated,2018/03/21,"Just, y'know, over it. Ya feel? Cutting straight to the point, I've just had enough of all these symptoms that I can't seem to control. The unpredictable snapping of emotions, anger outbursts over nothing, feeling everything with 100x more force, the 'I need you/I don't need you' ping pong with certain people, ease of irritability, crippling anxiety, the lack of understanding as to who I am or who I even want to be. Actually, that just reminded me that as a child and teenager, I always used to see myself as the plain, 'default' character on a video game. Hah. Anyway, this is all just becoming so overwhelming. It's beginning to take over my life and makes it difficult to maintain connections with people. I try to convince myself that I don't need anyone, that I'm fine being anti-social. I know deep within that this isn't true. It's just frustrating having all these overwhelming problems preventing me from keeping stable connections. Then that frustration takes over and I blame myself for every little thing. Of course, this leads back down the suicidal ideation/planning stage I know all too well. Is dealing with this even worth the effort? I can't seem to accept how this planet operates either, but that's for another post. I'm sure this post will get lost amongst all the others, which is okay, I just wanted to write and post a small snapshot of this 25 year old, Australian and send it out to the world. No replies necessary or expected. Peace among worlds, Rick. ",5.496594887955184,7.44467817279412,5.295987394957984,80.16259803921571,68.74264705882352,8.563305322128853,30.23179271708684,9.107695989026183,2.6914469187675074,1181,47,206,23,21,365,164,272,0.118,0.795,0.087,-0.6708,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,2,0,4,14,17,4,2,12,2,14,2,0,5,8,52,37,14,1,8,10,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,27,10,0,3,8,2,1,2,6,9,1,0,2,3,20,8,36,32,9,27,0,3,1,0,9,16,0,4,5,142,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.1313811731250676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202440623081147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117313506834395,0.1029929249412166,0.0,0.0,0.09413765423499576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352351014673296,0.0,0.0,0.14869019717305196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100096247784175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879942891631333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144260471476353,0.0,0.13911059342609422,0.0,0.17784601037185058,0.0,0.11343306116515735,0.0,0.1209983413098724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614772226868407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703395358605856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196668908097877,0.0,0.0,0.221970276744315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950943908933659,0.0,0.13493638868032626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469664656703738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986774265393413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29948322378761705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918280105165916,0.0,0.14127338056636046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667341597230727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727052637844832,0.0,0.3868200201724708,0.0,0.0,0.12882440820695176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728407880868332,0.24512738874334256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472652895952501,0.0,0.1268888368574062,0.13993394420471655,0.20245265097195694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944335647927278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914061249562114,0.0,0.0,0.1401564061821474,0.0,0.11627861068294325,0.0,0.0,0.15881859591583775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105011739076475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669843687649033 bpd,opservator,2018/03/21,"I'm tired of I'm tired of always wanting everything and being satisfied with nothing I'm tired of thinking I'm great until I remember I'm shit I'm tired of not trusting my feelings I'm tired of holding myself back and failing I'm tired of thinking ""I won't hold myself back this time"" just to go too far I'm tired of feeling empty I'm tired of hurting those I love I'm tired of seeing that look in someones eye when I've let them down I'm tired of never sticking to anything I'm tired of not knowing if my emotions are real or if I just have a big overacting problem I'm tired of being alone I'm tired of not being wanted I'm tired of being useless ",1.8340610328638505,3.3549334154929578,3.9827464788732416,87.58473004694841,77.52112676056338,5.860093896713615,26.622065727699532,6.42735559955562,1.0796600938967142,523,21,108,4,12,180,68,142,0.3670000000000001,0.5579999999999999,0.075,-0.9924,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,1,0,1,0,8,17,2,0,1,24,35,7,0,5,8,0,2,0,0,1,14,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,6,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,5,9,3,20,29,0,11,0,3,3,1,2,4,1,3,6,56,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154808388470236,0.0,0.0,0.04944773065789519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04890306678935517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139084631162432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684697897560524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053408838238475184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009579632635596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03377353283050073,0.0,0.0,0.06551808782640416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361745442734301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03265933090775742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060767772571134776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049903416278975134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053634868854914426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045833493503194184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702147029347952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056863275187153374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764053413990012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731880622506953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04735534345865683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100059889573781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035200493686008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615639137756681,0.0,0.0,0.034652155611089204,0.9562306378218672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010275187829086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rsarector,2018/03/21,"Feeling like everyone is out to get you? It sounds sinister and self absorbed but I often feel like I am the butt of a some joke that is my life. I worry that all my interactions strangers, acquaintances and coworkers are faked, that people are telling me what I wanna hear and that I am somewhat of a...burden? A pest? Not quite wanted around but since I’m conveniently there, might as well make use of me. My supervisor at my newish job approached me about a career opportunity and I am not at all interested and plan on saying no since it involves more stress and more work for no extra pay. I feel taken advantage of and my gut tells me to say no to stand up for myself. And it’s not something I want to pursue a future career in anyway and I prefer my current role. I feel confident in this decision and my friends and family seem to back me up/validate my feelings about it. And yet I worry that they’re just being nice and validating me because they know how much of a monster I can be when someone criticizes me? Because I take things too personally? Maybe they don’t want me getting emotional or maybe they feel so bad for me that they’re nice to me but secretly think I’m pathetic. I worry that if I assert my decision and boundaries and wants I’ll get made fun of and betrayed, this is at the core of it. I don’t want to feel like I have a voice but then get fired for turning this down, for example. Are thoughts like this common in pwBPD or is it just me and my circumstances leading to paranoid delusions? I have thoughts like this all the time and I think they’re eating me alive. They also extend to other things like my relationship and my SO and my appearance (whether it’s a mistake for me to leave the house without any makeup on because I look horrid and unprofessional vs. thinking it’s fine).",4.9230833333333335,5.762447586111112,5.763888888888893,80.45500000000003,68.97222222222223,8.888888888888891,30.0,9.075114841892004,2.396333333333333,1441,54,284,26,24,473,181,360,0.185,0.667,0.14800000000000002,-0.9533,2,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,4,6,17,20,0,1,11,0,18,4,2,5,3,76,52,36,0,9,15,0,8,6,1,1,1,5,0,2,24,23,1,0,18,1,1,3,9,4,1,0,4,14,52,16,40,45,9,24,0,0,1,1,18,12,1,9,14,204,76,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917080526294636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732385492664247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813159148497449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612540931399031,0.0826614296518283,0.18104968058744925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130240764880284,0.0,0.11136243598335947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459938901698918,0.0,0.0,0.09332902700953613,0.0,0.3504040168811205,0.2121783093093448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076487677114812,0.0,0.2068950695645307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158095761322084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142334886445853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824289541327624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440818273630232,0.0,0.0,0.10482742188910768,0.0,0.0,0.06992710563968957,0.2902003790475309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313563433803614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367683388057392,0.06608372034486099,0.0,0.1989189723642427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502407286423296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727768884224561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863460376677119,0.08644357212265981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529940573692373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628967663755556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574586231653249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012649771876706,0.103279296878931,0.0,0.0,0.16378876536116566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388295196498237,0.07621555753773254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340494049087466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443618797362145,0.0,0.1730619098589097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315433008936988,0.1903069081686462,0.0,0.1571909573834677,0.05772809063418701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076843073181426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550479809035462,0.0,0.0,0.2919658202187594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901349771484111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543311933943033,0.0,0.07207367161518706,0.3016199779078217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,onelegallyblindmouse,2018/03/21,"I’m going to be homeless. Backstory... my friend co signed a lease with her now ex for an apartment about a year ago. I’d lived with her before, so she asked me to move in for the last month so I can go sign the other part of the lease for a new year. The ex has been living at the apartment still, but indicated to her he is trying to find a new place to live. Friend finds out that the landlord can’t make the ex leave, and the ex wants to stay until May 1st as he hasn’t found an apartment yet. She loses her shit and tells me that she can’t take it, that she’s moving out on her own. Her and I planned this for months... I got out of my own sublease to move in with her. It was hard as fuck. I’ve moved around like crazy the past year. Now she had up and decided to leave. And now one of two things will happen. 1. He will stay there and kick me out (but I don’t want to live with her ex anyways) or 2. If he leaves, I get the apartment, but I can’t afford $1000 a month rent. I want to find empathy for her, as I can expect living with an ex is hard, but I’m just so so so angry and hurt that I’m being left in this situation. I have nowhere to go. I don’t have money saved, because I don’t get a lot of shifts at my job. And I’ve been trying so hard to find a second job but I don’t get call backs. I can’t live with either of my parents. I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. Our friend group that she’s in, won’t talk to me. They’re taking her side. But I don’t want sides to be taken. I don’t want anyone to think I’m “justified” in my hurt. I feel I’m justified, because I trusted somebody and I was let down and thrown to the dirt. I want to understand her situation but she didn’t so much as apologize when she told me she was leaving. I shift between extreme anger and **almost** suicidal sadness. I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking scared. ",-0.7580850615854295,1.1059603801452838,1.568664596273294,99.80729524160441,88.05569007263924,4.656679650489525,16.48431413833035,5.922688038783598,-0.7511229182019163,1419,31,362,11,46,478,177,413,0.157,0.753,0.08900000000000001,-0.9873,5,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,0,0,2,20,16,4,2,21,0,37,3,1,1,0,58,72,34,1,8,11,7,4,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,13,22,0,0,11,0,2,7,15,10,0,3,11,4,53,6,57,53,6,51,0,4,0,2,42,23,3,5,20,228,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657584933960562,0.0,0.07428326490376994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187027322825535,0.0,0.0,0.06603833644433889,0.06935081666107785,0.0,0.0,0.0570419222838769,0.0,0.09044217870359217,0.0,0.06312401942869736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574883747435437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03750900535428869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712065992821145,0.0,0.0,0.08133750873018092,0.1719401251030992,0.1371614336155161,0.11627220712541067,0.0,0.12647922495872646,0.0,0.05933068711825724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559952237796206,0.0,0.19935940220344145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882824321240646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722977927101286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153775090916353,0.06046880684265533,0.0,0.3141951002432895,0.08059972768286346,0.07585684344245062,0.0,0.036241923289378114,0.0,0.39302813365098704,0.0,0.0,0.08299147338744506,0.0,0.06306748427930457,0.0,0.0,0.049517532636087255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763578578492634,0.3153779082492212,0.05453282485921807,0.0,0.0,0.14329224042537345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050268121797254144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237111665208911,0.08033264210241862,0.07081578731558376,0.0,0.0,0.07750513932263964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853966099610466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614748220223108,0.0,0.1667689405100432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813778964097674,0.05924240524759236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114384058556752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115523262932142,0.05962524950477537,0.06483895522816586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04928369393452978,0.04753328296760873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088475510393917,0.0,0.10073037648418837,0.0,0.07246572509509447,0.07722681367447662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26252929385678003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331369245786066 bpd,horrorpink,2018/03/21,"Needing some quick ideas for skills to use Hi everyone, I'm still pretty new to DBT and my diagnosis, but I was 20 minutes late to class today because I couldn't find parking around campus and I'm having a major episode. I'm trying to hard not to cry in class and everything feels super cloudy and I'm super shaky and I can't even process which skill to use right now. I'm just sitting in class typing this because I don't know what else to do. Thanks!",3.3726899696048633,4.577017819148939,4.2088449848024325,88.80500000000002,72.93617021276594,6.648024316109423,25.130699088145896,6.868970318607317,0.86174650455927,361,11,76,3,7,116,63,94,0.04,0.753,0.206,0.9602,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,4,6,4,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,19,17,6,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,5,3,11,15,2,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,6,39,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982746750397948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715452047684498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446556744433932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606022683857545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710939762620365,0.0,0.0,0.2128256485587745,0.20017309431510866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261770432324475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20356887845983435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995200707967138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514322104711813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240519625003388,0.0,0.25124629480232785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514960164482906,0.0,0.21511158469301966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265939155595315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902080479568653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787045043060218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050575359681947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211119604868556,0.0,0.0,0.15121733631852222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847300558188312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,joenuck89,2018/03/21,"How do you trust someone who suffers from BPD? There's someone I know, whom I care about and love very deeply, that has BPD. We had dated for a while and she said she loved me and I know that I loved her. Out of nowhere, she broke up with me. I was crushed. I've tried reconnecting with her many times and at first she seems somewhat excited to talk to me. Then, it fades away. She doesn't answer texts for hours or days, then when I say something about it, she says she's busy, then I stop texting her, wash, rinse, repeat. She texted me the other night saying that she missed me, that she's changed, and I want to believe she actually misses me and that she's actually changed, it's just so hard for me to. I need to know how to trust her. I don't want to lose her again after we've reconnected. It throws my heart around. Please, any help would be greatly appreciated. ",2.906513317191284,4.348558751412433,3.3407142857142884,93.6296186440678,74.48022598870057,6.413075060532688,22.812348668280872,6.868970318607317,0.3317670702179165,677,18,156,6,14,210,104,177,0.07400000000000001,0.718,0.208,0.9767,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,2,10,13,0,0,2,0,8,5,1,2,0,26,22,15,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,12,11,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,5,37,8,22,17,1,22,0,5,0,3,30,5,0,3,16,101,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.2616632957875536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117126904693797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934950913857535,0.0,0.0,0.1259618956276467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104944077505542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377095043731366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669190834507014,0.0,0.28365367742136943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864631781994931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11403871223880832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147811143127985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009916298237415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887197770722666,0.08986337983484205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203059916979218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104184640101546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998850886904508,0.0,0.0,0.3630065317826401,0.0,0.0,0.1359245527434647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994101938978621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581433166491232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716710091228968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752997306625766,0.31985027844904024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220510498207406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271918383278527,0.10321258503997456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208738185636304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775929019135763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781764990806055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102380250647853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062066448120646,0.1581543087613088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523851151724484,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,autumnsfavorite,2018/03/21,I feel so lonely And today it’s so overwhelming. I wish I felt alive. ,-2.599,-2.523281733333331,0.8191666666666677,95.86875,133.0,4.166666666666667,10.416666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.7093333333333334,54,1,12,1,4,19,12,15,0.171,0.489,0.341,0.4186,0,2,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742796596650441,0.0,0.5208382844806557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141803743908688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6237921867934393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,magiemay,2018/03/21,"Attachment style question I don't know which attachment style I am because I can be very clingy and crazy if someone is emotionally unavailable and independent. I often admire those guys. BUT, if a guy is emotionally available and really likes me, I feel very irritated and nervous about intimacy and I back off. I normally decide that I don't want to be in a relationship... basically once I get what is difficult and the person shows me that they love me, I end the relation. What is this attachment style? does it exist anything like anxious-avoidant?",6.672357142857141,8.293423350000001,7.563428571428571,66.281,65.5,11.714285714285715,36.285714285714285,11.491704259439757,4.882371428571427,445,22,73,15,7,149,67,100,0.16699999999999998,0.677,0.156,0.3661,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,4,0,10,1,0,1,0,17,15,9,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,14,4,4,13,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,4,4,51,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365989550713564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291983206258456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223361550392903,0.0,0.1206861489483144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732527400066765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453994116772785,0.1753506134628244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010412115184954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034358460387188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920606338443543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880407009415648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344505915143545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868375953148738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397736598834373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21084115291498806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728676093816244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217817677965418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683040446030971,0.0,0.0,0.21255533350944966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774694772544022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267067859243161,0.11677313216706325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aloneindankness,2018/03/22,"Is there a reasonable way to ask this? So I have huge abandonment issues, and I am really anxious about being ignored. If someone is clearly ignoring me (real or imagined), it drives me right up a wall. One of my biggest pet peeves is the read/seen/(double check marker that a lot of messenger apps have. They indicate that a person has looked at your message. I know that it isn't accurate all the time, and most of my friends will come back and reply later. The problem is, when someone leaves me at seen or read, I get really anxious and start spiraling. Is it reasonable to ask someone to leave my messages unread unless they are going to reply? Honestly, that little things makes it so much easier. I just worry that asking would be too much. I am super conscious of being ""clingy"" or ""hypersensitive"" or whatever. Not many people in my life know I have this disorder, but they make comments if I go too far.",5.398178294573647,6.679926569767443,6.259302325581398,75.71573643410856,68.18604651162791,9.454263565891472,30.6124031007752,9.725611199111238,3.0564751937984496,718,28,125,16,12,237,110,172,0.096,0.833,0.07200000000000001,-0.2817,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,3,1,9,7,0,0,7,0,18,1,0,4,2,33,32,15,0,4,10,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,12,5,0,3,6,1,1,4,2,4,0,1,1,2,19,3,14,26,5,20,0,1,2,0,12,10,0,8,5,96,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29956000714287606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3718390206587693,0.0,0.0,0.10194742969976904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420771555991617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195054108476352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243258007846097,0.0,0.06926866058828028,0.0,0.1506988939443653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838123744708822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572727909344674,0.0,0.0,0.28077054218699105,0.0,0.0,0.0936466384949924,0.0,0.13288206687959184,0.0,0.0,0.11133554897897972,0.0,0.0,0.11271653658353364,0.0,0.0,0.17699912538713347,0.1344174116065098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949261562749388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984104335687003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191571520651884,0.11576555149440992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686313747164835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652359015335761,0.15090742404483454,0.16987094078675402,0.2726329034179597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322436522143213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370090785267223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938422730817425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808163753197285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730967248210369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523747770513547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464352998078588,0.0,0.09418250010773226,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jd-rey,2018/03/22,"Idk about others, but I realized that what’s making my BPD worse is chronic absence of love. A chronic absence of love has spread to every aspect of my life, romance, friendships, family, self love, basically every form of love. Which led to my BPD became more intense. I feel if I was loved in a way that I would wanna be, everything would be much more easier I guess. Or at least I would have support, but like this it just makes things more pointless. That’s why I catch myself falling for everyone literally, feels lame...",6.468787878787879,6.9351028989899,6.697525252525253,76.43295454545456,65.46464646464646,9.42828282828283,31.65151515151515,9.2995712137729,2.7728909090909086,413,15,74,7,6,133,70,99,0.055,0.565,0.379,0.9937,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,2,0,9,8,0,3,0,16,20,4,0,5,5,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,9,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,11,8,11,14,6,6,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,3,1,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662692695801593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450228139067685,0.13894232275575186,0.1306821563363713,0.0,0.13707648567276093,0.0,0.14704398203932534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018186140091153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027050447378728,0.07103836354627031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6561760700993304,0.0,0.19412018822674532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068906472380731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15169088881073473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500578770750862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660174319861048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154170617281131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120692039997728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481818386914064,0.30987822016504946,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Justadreamerx,2018/03/22,"Looking for support Hi guys! I am new to this world of BPD. I am looking for support and to talk to others with BPD. I just want to know I’m not alone. Thanks. ",-1.6468571428571437,0.2999266000000027,0.6257142857142846,103.04428571428572,97.28571428571428,2.8000000000000003,18.42857142857143,3.1291,-1.0251714285714284,121,4,30,0,5,40,24,35,0.065,0.7,0.235,0.6515,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,3,8,10,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348640738380247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712146985755368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245367520444732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462619502808775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808573364418907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901470793766128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5146690651749356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226816144729885,0.0,0.2087782320723519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375410617359507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AnitaWongDick,2018/03/22,"[Seeking Support] It's hard to be happy for your significant other sometimes. I'm a senior in college and I've had a couple of set backs cause of mental health, family health issues, etc and I have to take an extra semester to finish my degree. I also have trouble applying to things and asking professors if they need help with research, etc, because I feel so worthless and have zero self-confidence. My significant other on the other hand is the exact opposite. He's a junior in college, has a research job, has an internship in California lined up and has more opportunities coming his way. Part of me is truly happy for him because it means he'll have a secure future and be successful. The other part of me is bitter. I'm extremely jealous of him. I wish that I had the confidence, the opportunities, the intelligence that he has. I also have abandonment issues and I feel as if he will forget about me or find someone else if he chooses to go to California or wherever that's too far from me. There are times when I cheer him on and there are other times when I'm mean to him because I'm truly bitter. I tell him to leave me because he'll find someone who is much more successful and smarter than I am. I have such conflicting feelings and it's very frustrating. Any suggestions/supportive words/etc are much appreciated. ",5.318547681539805,6.686718527559059,6.730656167979008,71.94056867891514,68.44881889763779,9.581452318460194,31.040244969378826,9.861636050157227,3.241543132108488,1062,43,182,25,18,362,131,254,0.108,0.687,0.205,0.982,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,4,11,16,4,0,13,0,23,3,1,1,1,32,41,21,0,5,5,0,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,13,12,0,3,8,0,0,2,0,7,0,1,2,7,26,9,26,34,9,19,0,2,0,0,18,7,0,5,8,136,39,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111518327981196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700674689138905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058636514374214,0.0,0.0,0.08707418987568953,0.0,0.2761190060186164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632816541086215,0.0,0.09754580708134723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252973589912766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459707627331088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788759464479321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675212773205033,0.0,0.17177188934904214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699771304959835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435662058382326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410911185798803,0.1014403544266776,0.0,0.0,0.24073659806725786,0.0,0.0,0.07590205355355698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363852463997517,0.11237273607120024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990428583578963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467020375866951,0.0,0.0,0.11411878733292698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648813210109606,0.08396565847926718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452546987049538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813350086002128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191894931076315,0.0,0.111996766470935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570056977960566,0.0,0.0,0.0851420153092887,0.0,0.09897631904446623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523129571395205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320617326156937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343445144188914,0.0,0.08988424860461558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021984279054624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,caesurr,2018/03/22,"Any musicians, songwriters or singers here? I'm curious, how do you think your BPD influence your creativity and what you produce? Would love to hear what you do if you want to share! I am an amateur musician (guitar, keys) and a producer, I'm a student in sound design. Would also like to collaborate with people to write pop songs (pop-rock, indie or electronic styles) I find it helpful to listen to BPD-theme related songs, and I would even like to produce some! :) ",4.652906403940887,6.622119643678165,5.668637110016422,76.55793103448278,70.95402298850574,10.028899835796388,30.81937602627258,10.290406445055957,3.5542065681444983,367,16,66,11,7,121,59,87,0.0,0.742,0.258,0.9696,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,6,0,3,4,4,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,5,0,20,13,8,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,9,4,9,10,1,1,0,0,0,1,12,1,0,4,2,41,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18855285795916069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033821069630416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5939122953136409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557301996516712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549827949108505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657407409450642,0.0,0.15803809336494953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23038000210856746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128002910914634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345988463977476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510780449324871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906891472380326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5024731810476182,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MadameTrashPanda,2018/03/22,"Seeking feedback on BPD Treatments and being in emotional pain Has anybody taken Rexulti? or Lithium? I have treatment resistant mdd and bpd (borderline personality). I've tried all the standard depression medications. I've recently started lithium, but I'm still in the lowest of moods. At this point, actually for a while now, my psychiatrist said I had ECT or TMS as an option. However, ECT requires at least a 3-week hospital stay - which I can't afford to do with my new job and bills, and I can't afford TMS. I'm so tired of crying and faking it at work/barely holding it together in public. If the meds aren't helping, have you explored other alternatives? Unfortunately, my last breakup was particularly painful. I'm not really hopeful in terms of finding a supportive partner. I'm feeling like I'll probably never find that person who'd want to be with me or that I'd finally have a period of time where I didn't feel miserable. Thanks for your support.",5.302689545091781,7.276865849162013,6.799780526735837,69.08431564245811,69.27932960893854,10.03048683160415,35.132083000798076,10.290406445055957,4.237520031923384,773,40,126,22,14,264,125,179,0.198,0.711,0.09,-0.9749,5,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,1,4,11,0,1,8,0,14,4,0,0,2,26,28,13,0,3,6,0,2,1,1,0,4,1,0,3,8,7,0,2,5,0,1,1,6,5,0,0,5,3,11,5,19,20,3,24,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,6,13,78,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.14155170382603666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653806744150756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593349223727748,0.0,0.0,0.12493473067539568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631661387954038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668724293411844,0.10362655103113308,0.0,0.15889948163380566,0.2651533141072948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722658647176803,0.0,0.0,0.1440712742274642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394363563545132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823830671439932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086601944965791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112220754222314,0.1461265662098293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111874527121855,0.14009398198723216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30869520064979433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533109798180784,0.0,0.0,0.13712284208755146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639266177899153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292525690466147,0.0,0.14322324877606274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797949706384466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266991274964793,0.15460818106896435,0.11584024967435545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292109439815596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335461629891785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458210855066872,0.1667181453204799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848209161118096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555656155446625,0.0,0.11635350690291756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056009829743238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CaptainJaneyway0,2018/03/22,"How do you hold onto your truth? [TW: suicidal ideation] I'm having a hard time with this at the moment. People tend not to know what's going on with me because I'm so used to wearing a mask, or hiding my real emotions. I can't take the mask off very easily, and at the same time I find it frustrating that people don't understand what it's like for me. It's hard when people make assumptions about me that are wrong, or that don't coincide with what I know/feel to be true about myself. It's even harder when the people getting it wrong about me are professionals. It negates my truth - my inner self, and makes me feel like I don't really exist, or have no right to exist as I am. How do you hold onto what's true about yourself when other people are telling you a completely different thing? Thanks in advance.",4.367636363636365,5.069040915151515,5.2781818181818165,83.93727272727273,70.15151515151516,8.424242424242426,25.303030303030305,8.575989854853784,1.5458484848484852,641,17,131,10,11,210,91,165,0.121,0.753,0.125,0.1573,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,4,0,1,11,10,1,0,7,0,13,1,1,5,4,26,26,12,1,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,16,5,0,2,4,0,0,2,7,3,0,0,0,3,18,7,20,25,1,17,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,8,90,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362870270088458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103905533421126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604717124564768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277114839806668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144654969396362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532219861408972,0.10972667710565476,0.0,0.0,0.14038097278661915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024586219518222,0.0,0.08729028808788569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751778350483387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882109538278156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007529936183078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20504868007923924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324092997751614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748221526342114,0.09839543589822317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116735232835247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023071487215038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680055176709785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154826182187558,0.0,0.13424681602131264,0.14140755008444006,0.0,0.0,0.10204018508930957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791223122164194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989544882065065,0.0,0.13265480437068414,0.0,0.12673008790250476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358590780480909,0.0,0.0 bpd,PixelDee92,2018/03/22,"I need some help please.. something I'm at work right now, I've journalled the more important... information about what's going on. It's been this way ongoing for about three weeks.. I'm feeling so useless, anything I do I feel it should be trivial and easy; however it's like I'm crawling on the floor just to get SOMETHING done. My supervisor says I'm doing a good job, however, my boss is a little far from Understanding or taking the time to understand what is going on in my brain. Im feeling trapped on who I can talk to, and I need to ""hold on"" until the 3rd of April to talk to my social worker again. Hopefully tomorrow, when I see the doctor, I can get my referral to an actual, full psychiatric assessment. Words of encouragement would be amazing...",5.759519519519517,6.078288405405406,6.849009009009013,75.24794294294297,66.97297297297297,10.631831831831832,33.33633633633632,10.504223727775694,3.5077543543543537,596,25,114,15,9,201,96,148,0.055,0.812,0.133,0.855,3,1,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,8,0,12,2,1,1,0,19,30,6,0,5,2,0,3,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,5,12,5,21,24,3,23,0,1,1,0,8,12,0,3,9,72,19,5,0.0,0.0,0.16703250971789485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085434619810944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107693134373335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519479879434027,0.0,0.1751613905988462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596387503854714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788534677796048,0.0,0.19455421502015344,0.14356521913878856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472840178343507,0.0,0.0,0.17000562947686698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488774979143974,0.0,0.16985501458644525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362265350716504,0.1715524615698824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538336013589613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878879507292035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617411528543292,0.0,0.13611740890778753,0.0,0.0,0.13639647530874166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448132990970355,0.0,0.2635426120703725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869490196550404,0.2751521512699308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980778391627487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35637794549694096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358629405281649,0.13729837046933469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461027835140442,0.0,0.0,0.12159082191976825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rainbowrunningkat01,2018/03/22,"Do you have to engage in risky behaviors to be bpd? After a suicide attempt the doctors are thinking I am bpd. I have some symptoms, like intense anger and a little bit of ""splitting"", but I don't do things like having sex or taking drugs or drinking.",5.67278911564626,6.027130836734695,6.192244897959185,79.75870748299323,67.16326530612244,7.34965986394558,34.70068027210884,6.42735559955562,2.2973619047619045,197,9,35,1,3,64,39,49,0.129,0.715,0.156,0.09,0,0,2,0,0,1,7.0,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,3,0,9,5,0,0,0,6,11,4,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,5,10,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,27,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684236213680399,0.0,0.6193229965634051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25165579563419443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408565387338453,0.2851282321354778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402368739963759,0.2464238179813362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26893912956394184,0.0,0.0,0.2555504644325876,0.18486175486415093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334343620907696,0.15754196072522303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Helpisontheway77,2018/03/22,"Questions for the community For those suffering from BPD, I am curious as to your opinions of your disorder overall, the most likely causes based on your personal history, the ways in which it has impacted your life as a whole and day-to-day, along with any tools discovered to aid in emotional regulation? Do you have any comorbid conditions? Has your disorder diminished or increased with time? What occurrences, thoughts, and events do you find particularly distressing or have the most affect on your emotions? ",8.449655172413793,10.409012528735637,8.104080459770117,62.7864655172414,61.64367816091954,13.61609195402299,40.93678160919541,12.745084868956482,6.4289402298850575,418,23,62,17,6,133,62,87,0.132,0.805,0.064,-0.8153,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,8,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,7,1,0,2,0,15,8,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,1,15,7,4,8,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,6,3,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841663162960477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631466766862485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21463409104208253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694919474198532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4789158746547667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700481462570326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096306484019315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475771703843085,0.10207522627196236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243423140530055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340553357127171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658712775857111,0.1218318445979947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584310368958008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23326878362166925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pluckmyeyesandtongue,2018/03/22,"Help. Please. I'm about to go to the GP. I have suffered with symptoms (all of which have been described in great detail by you all.) I am completely terrified that I won't be taken seriously. When I say I have nothing left, I mean it. Apart from the monotony of daily life I am currently very void and cold. The constant cycles of thinking are dragging me deeper and I want to slice my skin to pieces. How can I get her to take me seriously and get a referral and not just pushed down the depression route?",2.133564356435645,4.38165191089109,3.4202871287128715,88.53003465346536,79.3960396039604,6.812277227722772,24.951485148514852,7.908726449838941,1.4261952475247532,397,15,82,7,10,129,73,101,0.107,0.765,0.128,-0.1918,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,10,3,1,1,2,13,19,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,2,3,14,1,14,15,3,9,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725630032551082,0.28092429332022184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390307605859047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27163663067101834,0.0,0.14774119872263874,0.0,0.0,0.2866067012316331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424563744621413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28244718581578193,0.0,0.1836173612887103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831725347736596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24943852976132666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28535789947698786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20673054199286248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701978670687736,0.19545748812387825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657180356256698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449413802014802,0.15333108100111142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peteyisKetamine,2018/03/22,"i never feel 'Normal' , i don't know what is normal or abnormal anymore, is this my unstable sense of self? i have BPD and i never feel normal, i question everything i do and question if that is what 'humans' do. many times when playing sports in school in the past i never saw myself as playing on the 'field' i felt like a disconnected ghost with no identity or existence, if i got a free kick i would be surprised because it means that i actually am alive and playing. that part of me just feels empty or 'dissociated'. i have my outer sense of self and in terms of what i like but inside it is non existent. i always feel like some ghost and always need to look at others behavior to see if maybe i can relate to them and to see if it is somehow ''normal'. i didn't mean any of this metaphorically btw.",4.9041614906832285,5.186985285714286,6.300180124223607,78.56927639751555,68.8136645962733,9.172919254658387,28.522360248447214,9.120678840339163,2.2113299378882,625,20,125,11,10,213,92,161,0.061,0.8320000000000001,0.107,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,4,0,15,0,0,0,3,37,29,16,2,10,9,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,12,7,0,0,10,4,1,0,6,0,0,0,4,9,21,9,16,23,3,13,0,0,4,0,6,6,0,11,10,91,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.12477848985790907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278903063840196,0.0,0.0,0.08695306872036407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680842755554886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794575110151848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104238785005526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491745692958065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586109832663542,0.0913472900526822,0.12277113534120168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226589047479613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027165122340033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874061841043637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737499410250766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296357624396168,0.1284582938144211,0.2785664905178388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948108051129056,0.2958537588142774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5011249963781953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13846610544762986,0.12206229021193025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864777212988609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940692675763252,0.20378483493675265,0.0,0.26678364774833124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745595248144862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908321330102436,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,g1bs0nRP,2018/03/22,"Fairly certain from my own psychiatric experiences, that my GF has BPD. Not looking for a diagnosis, but figure if my representation of some of the behaviours is accurate, then treating the situation like she has BPD would be better for our relationship. So quick background without revealing too much, she does suffer from PTSD based on childhood familial abuse, and later an emotionally and sexually abusive ex. Where I come in, I'm in a long distance relationship with her, after spending a very long time getting to this point because of how unsure things were. She had to protect herself, which I deeply respect. It seems that I need to be in contact all the time without much downtime, or else she really starts to struggle, and the interaction can go from positive to negative. She's also prone to strong outbusts of anger and emotion, and will focus on specific interpretations of words that I've said to interpret it in the most harmful way to herself. I know she struggles with self-harm, emptiness, and abandonment. At the moment she has finally admitted she is feeling that abandonment now in our relationship and has been trying to do what she can to push me away. I would never do it, because it's wrong, but I have the strong feeling that if I tried to walk away, she'd grab hold again, or that she would respond with a ""fine then, fuck off, I knew this would happen, you abandon me like everyone else"". Lots of our interactions, I've been accused of playing a joke on her, or that I'm interested in other girls but just won't tell her, or I'm just choosing to settle. She even chooses to diminish our relationship, I know it's exclusive to her, and I treat it that way, but she doesn't want to call herself my girlfriend, and then has progressed to ""we're no longer exclusive"", as if it's a favour to me and leave me free to leave her. She's gone through the motions of trying to block me on snapchat and facebook etc., but I'll be readded pretty quickly. The problem I'm having is that I second guess myself. Since I've been viewing it as BPD, listening and appreciating the stance, rather than getting defensive and explaining my perspective (or using excuses as she would call it), and choosing not to take things personal have helped. My worry is that by becoming to nonchalant about the issues, that I may miss something real that I should be picking up on, and that I'm being a dick, not that she's being irrational and letting it pass. I'm a little bit insecure myself and immediately jump to the worst case scenario. I guess I get worried that now I've been told she's experiencing abandonment, by not doing something, I may just lose her, and she'll decide to just suddenly cut ties. I think I could deal with the push-pull better if I knew that's what it was for sure. If i knew that reassuring her was what I just keep needing to do or if there's something more. Furthermore if she cuts ties, part of me will assume it's not for real and keep fighting, and idk when to give her space, and when to ignore what seems like her wanting space... especially since in the past she's told me space is the worst thing for her. ",10.195,7.465771833333335,9.719666666666667,68.12400000000004,59.83333333333334,12.933333333333335,41.5,11.20814326018867,4.496699999999999,2500,105,463,50,25,811,280,600,0.188,0.6890000000000001,0.124,-0.9941,0,0,3,0,3,0,74.0,4,1,0,6,22,41,6,3,24,0,49,2,1,3,4,117,93,50,0,20,31,1,3,3,2,12,0,2,0,2,40,26,0,11,21,3,2,8,12,22,0,1,15,8,74,20,75,57,13,56,0,7,2,2,66,23,2,23,26,343,114,1,0.0,0.17522309300586994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591329886777069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894564086907418,0.0,0.0,0.09015115000807612,0.08166533657175147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079491489690726,0.08072769475100135,0.0,0.27938963175466025,0.0,0.1510101792763794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636962070351397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590382657171508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623301531590107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470889116008308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354144448666735,0.16635409086101258,0.0,0.0,0.08246710425136151,0.04883931345540184,0.0,0.0,0.07065665911923846,0.0,0.07233141902004497,0.0697078206938389,0.0,0.07477661455791322,0.0,0.0,0.08100203571840148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836003485564,0.11589806146406632,0.07093382096242573,0.04202407824019126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629153011639972,0.0,0.06538843344028064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956310334802812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717832290922873,0.0,0.13144964631531875,0.0,0.0,0.08127537526073762,0.0,0.0,0.15659203493242635,0.0,0.07561274806008071,0.0,0.10837590745407852,0.07411131202234138,0.0,0.13087622312185604,0.0620943352501922,0.08272441988889921,0.0,0.06286454304168314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108714693624519,0.10965707550868042,0.057030169945978176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007414430444931,0.07058791325837048,0.0,0.06456504711064437,0.0,0.0,0.06990097914971123,0.0,0.0,0.07522762955782493,0.0,0.07075441996107669,0.08643657693638067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396400853658311,0.16832891679821033,0.047370418717159836,0.0,0.0,0.3175527253659157,0.0,0.0,0.07033767533194271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463167771162046,0.07713971675164538,0.0,0.0,0.12233447892149127,0.0831161521544134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077710726733614,0.0,0.0,0.05233794254230484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460464384852152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969134325040889,0.0,0.05559668423274052,0.0,0.06463031367585961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473753202940291,0.047380328344733096,0.0,0.0,0.08623468003184938,0.0,0.0,0.14131331823847693,0.0,0.15060936298135702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386387305994656,0.0,0.06101154259038687,0.08722817197037461,0.11738660798701518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255875121224632,0.0,0.0,0.15018743908066085,0.0,0.2626384739655317,0.08084615415268785,0.0,0.0 bpd,BeginSelfDestruct,2018/03/22,"Being in a Relationship and having BPD I feel so awful for my SO. At times he can do minor things that trigger me and make me so angry and upset to the point of where I don't want him to touch me. Then I'll get so depressed afterwards and want to just kill myself for an hour or longer before I feel better and he just looks worried and unsure of what to do whenever this happens. I also know that I love him but I frequently will have episodes where I think I just want to break up with him and shove him out of my life (shove everyone out of my life, actually) and once I've calmed down I immediately feel regret for thinking such things and beat myself up over it. He gets so anxious with me and when he's anxious about us I get extremely anxious and panicky. Does anyone else have this? Because I just feel so alone and awful about it",5.298023255813952,5.109594616279072,6.005209302325586,82.64327906976746,67.95348837209302,8.74046511627907,28.246511627906976,8.238735603445708,1.6909562790697672,662,19,139,8,10,217,97,172,0.24,0.718,0.042,-0.9867,0,1,0,0,0,1,9.0,1,0,0,2,17,7,1,1,3,2,9,3,0,2,0,35,26,23,1,4,6,0,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,16,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,25,3,24,24,0,18,0,2,1,1,11,11,0,1,6,100,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.1399865105496003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485709414166736,0.0,0.1147169160090787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861730177622099,0.0,0.10030357785842824,0.14698148077052064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744579070715224,0.0,0.1220653874260736,0.0,0.0,0.12686987079599235,0.0,0.0,0.18067025776138326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355327785525272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553406479605872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983407086068885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707262580353152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29013052793380417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248401185174785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685236438525962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126935769056614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870617503797665,0.0,0.07883637040746602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264595965100352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204618741724675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946922886278572,0.0,0.09575399127482287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276957207537306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560662049021166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540116191437715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060361644751356,0.1838339400306493,0.0,0.0,0.08364685066233543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255269173336413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538315862594832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456804418303495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tiger___lilies,2018/03/22,"How to ask for help? **I’m not asking for a diagnosis or self-diagnosing, just thought I’d put this out there** So I’m just wondering if there are any of you who suspected you might be dealing with this and how you approached it with your doctor? Advice? (Backstory: the other day I saw someone on Twitter talking about their experience with BPD. The more I read, the more I realized I related with the symptoms and it was like someone took a look inside my brain. I identified with every single thing except the substance abuse/anger. I’m scared because I know the stigma associated with it even within healthcare professionals, but I know I can’t live like this forever)",2.8061904761904763,5.689600253968254,4.1685396825396825,80.13757142857143,82.17460317460319,7.1695238095238105,26.653968253968248,8.238735603445708,2.300353015873016,536,23,94,12,15,176,87,126,0.03,0.906,0.064,0.6111,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,4,1,0,9,3,0,1,8,0,5,3,1,2,0,25,17,8,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,4,2,14,2,15,11,3,7,0,0,2,0,11,3,0,4,3,68,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749977081369354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178249275259115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33483661846212176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916725548977503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255486059299508,0.19991570940970613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549363612592395,0.1846265756787656,0.0,0.18176534359312727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329890604562465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828254679953452,0.0,0.1508850419284508,0.0,0.0,0.17517741036896026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003547299342493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968385240858589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498168911383052,0.0,0.15813345534116602,0.0,0.1503845077986962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997862505604315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002774757653192,0.0,0.0,0.1791313325728563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929319433436286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682249014641186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303472669557393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613567174917794,0.0,0.1439400275321069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897470150212115,0.0,0.0,0.14217179519194026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989676581109381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19420773357337695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,race4happiness,2018/03/22,"I have lived with someone who has BPD for 8 years. I can't do it anymore, I end up hating her and myself. Also I was diagnosed with BPD a year ago. How do I leave? I don't have anyone, no friends and my family is in another country.",0.01647058823529335,1.7050239803921592,3.1958431372549043,90.31729411764708,83.70588235294117,6.432941176470589,21.964705882352945,7.554174236665415,0.8657341176470591,177,6,41,3,5,64,39,51,0.097,0.7959999999999999,0.107,0.125,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,5,10,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,5,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392813691158596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397333076884154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24123066824506825,0.0,0.0,0.2281507958517445,0.16085843264115018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5794874940430986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334989902251423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037587076398642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687352931845816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773840590414602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271297462518892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435929494060068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314104665423716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949231919072467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962932268011715 bpd,LuneBalloon-,2018/03/22,"Thoughts on two people with borderline personality disorder dating. Wanting to get opinions on what it would be like to date someone else with borderline. ",8.935200000000002,11.937050720000002,8.165,58.7875,61.8,11.4,44.5,11.20814326018867,6.3686000000000025,128,8,16,4,2,40,21,25,0.096,0.816,0.08900000000000001,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356458729016843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175381463674173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859492365926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570547941406976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26352457647511274,0.331902633400916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32207105711822065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30176964822991165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37131810341359023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420226793997275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700235035596737,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HankSkank,2018/03/22,I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD. How do I tell my family? I’m nervous to talk to my loved ones about my recent diagnosis of BPD because of all the negative stigma still attached to the title Borderline Personality Disorder. Has anyone else felt this way and how were you able to overcome this hurdle?,6.187631578947368,7.705405263157897,7.563991228070179,66.21335526315791,66.54385964912281,11.314035087719299,33.54824561403509,11.20814326018867,4.431635087719298,248,11,40,8,4,85,45,57,0.141,0.797,0.062,-0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,2,1,6,7,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,5,1,8,4,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,28,7,0,0.2097900573780085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669008598049876,0.21495470562575755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788607177672084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284464664369746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129324921926633,0.0,0.0,0.2404375811133985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525267326713365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977713952590168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201431354557164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893437175343499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215917228869807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318058612274016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142847447993616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675386108189423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686213014143087,0.18336575701946176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652158262327624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,melanch0lian,2018/03/22,"Lonely Ramble - DAE have Strong Borderline Traits? Aside from my anxiety and depression, my psychologist says I tilt towards 'strong borderline traits', due to intense emotional sensitivities (anger volatility, and inconsolable sadness), persistent paranoia (occasionally bordering on neurosis), constant unstable sense of Self, occasional financial impulsivity, loneliness and fear of 'being left behind'. I suppose I don't meet the full criteria for a formal assessment (which is good I guess) because I'm not completely unsafe towards others and myself unless I decide to take the substance abuse route (quite tempting, cos illcit drugs make me feel amazing). However, two weeks ago, I had my first 'adult' suicidal ideation after a massive argument with my long term partner. It wasn't about the argument, but the feeling to end my life was so strong that I didn't think about how to plan or execute it. The ideation was persistent for the next few days after that, and while the urge to do it is really weak, my justification still lingers: *'I shouldn't have to feel the pressure to either live or survive if I don't feel I can't even meet either of those expectations, and I effectively 'win' if I decide to 'make the decision' for which no one can ever chide me, disapprove, criticise or be disappointed with me ever again.'* I'm currently going through an adjustment disorder due to job loss in December, and I have alot of childhood trauma that resurfaces when I'm unemployed and depressed. These traumas keep reappearing as annoying, ankle biting monsters that I can occasionally step on like bugs on pavement, or evolve into massive demons that lay ontop of me when I try to sleep, or hang around my shoulders and wiggle their fingers into my ears to 'flip a switch' in my head so I can have hit my unproductive, depressive quota for the day. It's preventing me from even trying to find work cos I'm so always so afraid of rejection, and being 'noticed' for my stagnating work experience. The job hunt is so competitive, I feel I'm not qualified for even service industry work. I don't have an immediate support group like family (deliberately estranged for my sanity), formulating friendships are hard because I don't want to be overbearing to others with my own 'isms', and my partner who loves me and worries about me, he has his own issues (anxiety) and a life of his own. If there are people who have Borderline Traits, or those with diagnosed BPD, can you tell me if you relate to me, how you made sense of having borderline traits, and how your life is going so I don't feel completely isolated? I'm still not completely sure what having borderline traits mean. Eagerly and tirelessly awaiting your replies. M",11.990738045738047,9.678881727650733,11.20737941787942,57.54691112266114,56.04781704781705,15.27488565488566,45.67162162162162,13.662883650711644,6.361004074844077,2185,104,342,68,20,710,256,481,0.156,0.757,0.087,-0.986,6,2,1,0,1,1,60.0,0,5,1,15,24,28,2,3,18,0,36,12,5,10,3,72,62,40,1,7,17,0,8,2,2,1,6,2,0,4,19,22,0,2,15,0,0,4,13,16,0,3,6,10,52,12,55,50,9,40,1,8,0,1,21,12,0,12,26,241,71,8,0.0,0.1162179963920323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694891105488875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816169022129666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007378778219646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731893243247585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958681754379452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353814274981285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085295572641005,0.1059980589291441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265170249897314,0.0,0.2534486195904231,0.09955704612402007,0.0,0.0,0.11241710979081472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375070016457316,0.0,0.0,0.11033556593386527,0.08687667143705018,0.0,0.0,0.19435818844126032,0.17745205051387686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959486840518282,0.09246844254280584,0.1103760382199628,0.2975768149672654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965046665703293,0.08343342742285807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149110746797328,0.0822713878185973,0.0,0.0,0.10805476354791893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786739697000831,0.0,0.1006663749185141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237817287139624,0.19467400059433165,0.08718493812168847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065726751240601,0.0,0.20784692899565954,0.09584148303298044,0.0,0.08661331910659345,0.08680461099992763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852806364002254,0.09281304229597016,0.13094872824719914,0.0,0.0,0.10684636303005286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431748164403584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116736035297958,0.0,0.0,0.0664668277103182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680017259175696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432844272748544,0.0,0.0,0.06283755248374158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800335070215862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232696123934748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815863177837718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666607790194634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072921262844766,0.11130886617772497,0.09244658497336963,0.0,0.07374981387131596,0.0,0.08573305530390729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285069774949162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133190346875776,0.0,0.09581752197198716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057854722236851314,0.0,0.07868011173948881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142272466394731,0.09961291604765868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LizE4,2018/03/22,"Should I tell my boyfriend...? I don't have the diagnosis on my record, but my psychiatrist told me he thinks I most likely have BPD. I've been fighting a lot with my boyfriend lately, mostly because I become paranoid that maybe he doesn't love me or because I suddenly decide that I hate everything about him and get snappy with him. I don't want to hide behind a mental illness to justify my behaviour because I feel like that's a scummy thing to do, but at the same time, I honestly can't help it most of the time. Is there even a point in telling him? What's the benefit of it? It's not going to make my freakouts and fights any less hurtful.",6.2637840785169026,5.5092192824427535,6.751319520174482,79.99114503816796,66.09923664122138,9.92846237731734,33.218102508178845,9.23628265651192,2.695860632497274,510,19,105,8,7,167,83,131,0.241,0.6679999999999999,0.091,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,3,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,3,0,8,0,10,2,0,1,0,19,19,5,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,1,20,5,13,16,6,9,0,1,0,1,12,4,0,5,6,73,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480898515896486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625330684041087,0.2189388602508792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496744645489201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093466668035286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816399091729435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023534740682027,0.14162163164851818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357143984394088,0.0,0.11266351403471506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571948786302854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287509502859673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221842576252456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236216747226812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369864582062493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853529271437942,0.17891799564801888,0.0,0.13232574523438442,0.0,0.19915722905727168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199777792582534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739946895353893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465383921222733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170085787023325,0.1270232331314056,0.0,0.0,0.23118893955312625,0.0,0.0,0.1894253922912497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692620978903487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,madeofsmoke,2018/03/22,Losing control. Does anyone else get this? Does anyone else get these mental breakdowns where you completely lose control and usually get really mad and stuff? Where you're definitely not being yourself. After I'm done losing my mind I usually can't even remember what I said and feel like those words weren't mine. And this isn't just anger.,3.928571428571427,6.951060587301588,4.2152380952380994,80.8714285714286,78.04761904761905,7.4095238095238125,23.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.9378952380952388,279,9,46,6,7,87,45,63,0.174,0.708,0.118,-0.5924,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,5,4,6,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,12,11,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,2,5,1,1,7,0,5,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20813078027484866,0.3049878272727099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604541389530294,0.0,0.3338509802285149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604842560447277,0.1523047534044854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486567199721373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983008053691804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525291526196344,0.1063241752677537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332725826100733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271081588182704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4995080718857413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998562568370566,0.0,0.15027586419177708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534430320819907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859536706629671,0.0,0.14157140311236616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037473236707018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32783041696328763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cynderpop,2018/03/22,"All BPD symptoms except for the anger. I've not been diagnosed, nor will I ever self diagnose however all the signs are there. It seems like angry outbursts are a staple of BPD however I don't necessarily feel anger. It's always been a joke between me and my SO that I'm incapable of getting angry, however I feel a lot of hatred towards myself and other people (tied to idealization and devaluation) that only comes out as crying and self harm. I've never had issues with controlling any anger I feel except to direct it inwards. Does anybody here have BPD without the anger?",6.362411533420707,7.274976302752298,7.587444298820447,68.39880733944955,65.78899082568806,9.89829619921363,32.08519003931848,9.957137785484203,3.3956070773263427,463,18,75,10,7,158,74,109,0.281,0.66,0.059,-0.9838,3,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,4,0,6,0,8,3,0,1,4,23,15,7,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,7,0,1,4,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,3,7,3,14,11,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,55,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531526529458027,0.0,0.0,0.11058913635513799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6144534810903984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140085213252884,0.0,0.0,0.18239539029849594,0.0,0.0,0.17863359972527393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301176041468599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423123799587797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471017071298357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24668104627238915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496374384758779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973603808582785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944932575971615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825615885073042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254247920024999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368202984985308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274223026763425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480457641097949,0.3393022653753879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902744161629155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676265506370868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,__lani,2018/03/23,"DAE Find themselves pushing away people who are desperately showing they care/trying to help and instead obsessing over the absence of people who’s support is sporadic? By which I mean finding themselves suddenly wanting to run away from the friends who are being openly supportive and showing very predictable and stable support/companionship and going out of their way to learn about the diagnosis to help, but obsessing over those who show incredible support at times, but are otherwise massively sporadic in their presence (rarely replying to messages, or just randomly not replying, but then being completely devoted at other times - yes I’m aware obsessing over this is part of BPD). I’m struggling to understand why I’m doing this to myself. For context, the first example is someone I met at the beginning of the year who has become a very good friend of mine, and the second example is my ‘ex’ (I suddenly and impulsively broke up the relationship a year and a half ago and we’ve been backwards and forwards since. Still very much in love with each other, but there’s just baggage, and we haven’t quite found the balance yet). The unreliable, sporadic, hot and cold support/relationship I’m receiving from my ex leaves me so hurt, let down, feeling like a burden, panicking I’m being a burden/unfair for talking about what I’m dealing with - all of which I know are part and parcel of FOA and BPD. On the other hand, my friend is doing *everything* I could possibly need or want right now and I keep wanting to just shut them off and run away. They have done nothing wrong, they’re doing everything right but that almost makes me feel uncomfortable and scared. This wanting to run away only really began when I was diagnosed last week and has snowballed - prior to that I was so content and happy with our friendship and so invested in it. I’m desperately trying to keep it under control because I care about them so much, don’t want to hurt them, and know how much they care about me and how much of a *beautiful** person they really are but I feel so unsure of myself and I’m driving myself insane. Edit: elaborated a bit ",6.6546350078492935,7.886124392857145,6.906326530612245,72.40131083202513,65.27551020408163,9.908320251177397,34.20957613814757,10.035473477838034,3.659075824175824,1710,75,281,38,26,552,198,392,0.121,0.711,0.168,0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,2,0,9,3,21,23,0,5,18,1,27,3,1,4,1,68,62,39,0,7,12,2,5,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,19,29,0,3,11,3,1,8,3,10,0,3,7,6,31,13,52,50,9,51,0,3,0,1,31,25,0,4,20,206,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687369467051397,0.0,0.0776478376720297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914157692802822,0.0,0.0,0.04726932519578054,0.08563984710760032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846565718828643,0.0,0.19532469426523955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717992707009636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130207143991762,0.0,0.08697075924011588,0.06191155589094316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994314418173105,0.0,0.07870423321607703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935312953342255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393808017887104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762379438068922,0.05539653795406694,0.0,0.0,0.1417452909744957,0.06595780193925367,0.0,0.08502159514272857,0.17972795003839906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044069317367788914,0.06503915841194244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254567224683185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395050754916124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602218094030885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784707300999496,0.0,0.0,0.08523090705475718,0.06320767004549811,0.0,0.08210654907482362,0.0,0.07929268959249862,0.0,0.03788345840939155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699853364292514,0.0,0.051760370805284873,0.0,0.0,0.08446675952730998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22801129906991435,0.0574969477568919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440433560068402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897473627374397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679424285352674,0.0,0.10751672340790487,0.06770731616580672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741777098759414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247623254375629,0.0,0.0,0.09935170995827004,0.0,0.0,0.16650373334985918,0.0,0.13244212625878532,0.0,0.0,0.07763379477076877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414414310054055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570169892511248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192572003835276,0.0,0.0,0.08106449209132563,0.0,0.0,0.4399728248142117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623259047740927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904315726025548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529283994206542,0.0,0.0,0.08072471100848876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919426061992234,0.2286835401839983,0.061549805477475864,0.06220009637587748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997024795988355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478079649853068,0.0,0.0998699446195397 bpd,coughsyrupcarnival,2018/03/23,Gonna cry and smoke pot It's been a terrible day and week tbh. Time to unwind.,-2.4683333333333337,-0.8058556111111077,0.5166666666666693,102.04500000000002,105.11111111111113,4.622222222222223,11.555555555555555,6.42735559955562,-0.9829111111111116,61,1,16,1,3,21,17,18,0.32299999999999995,0.677,0.0,-0.7351,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6804521456175843,0.3995030502866488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612144556076056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4968966767811898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JurassicBooty,2018/03/23,"When you're having a crisis/meltdown, what ACTUALLY helps? Hi everyone, I was just wondering what things you find helpful during a crisis? Things are rough at the moment and I could really use some more things to try. (My CPN gives me these odd lists that don't remotely work for me. Its always things like 'have a bubble bath', 'enjoy a cup of tea' ect. Which sounds nice enough but if I'm having a total meltdown these things don't do shit. I've tried a few popular self soothing methods like colouring books and drawing but they don't do anything for me either.)",2.8398665554628835,5.326107165137621,3.5387656380316947,87.34057547956633,78.26605504587154,6.165471226021682,21.835696413678065,7.348242739294969,0.8738183486238529,447,13,84,6,11,141,79,109,0.038,0.7490000000000001,0.213,0.9545,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,2,6,1,0,7,0,11,2,1,1,1,13,15,6,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,12,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,8,5,5,13,6,3,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,3,4,56,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.18666686716437889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916469962670346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741150974558507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272575324210966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976488567316048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18278130894386727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483130589332113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349829733701475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564290193790411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869046783828878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225422663096736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955229379909686,0.0,0.1963516196013516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6354072941165941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597403353822877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520908938565493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074407566119018,0.1392579822671843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MagerialPage,2018/03/23,"Does it piss anyone else off that Jeffrey Dahmer is labeled BPD? Previously had posted a rant about how serial killers can't be BPD because it's a different type of violence that doesn't involve much emotion and how I feel that the public ignorantly compares us to sociopaths. After rereading and reconsidering some comments here, I acknowledge that perhaps I was projecting. Maybe BPD violence can extend beyond jealousy fueled domestic battery? How the hell am I supposed to know? It's just a category anyway and there is no blood test. I guess I'm just feeling frustrated with the diagnosis in my own life and needing to feel like I am more normal or more worthy than what the stigma says. HOWEVER, as I said in my comment below, if you identify with serial killer type behavior, such as rape and dismemberment, YOU NEED TO GET OFF THE INTERNET AND TURN YOURSELF IN. I don't care how much you're suffering, that has got to stop. But my guess is that everyone getting defensive is not doing these things, you're just putting yourself in the shoes of someone else AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! THAT'S EMPATHY! Jeffrey Dahmer probably would not have put himself in the shoes of Jeffrey Dahmer. Just sayin.",5.589825610363731,7.808891273542602,6.174402092675635,72.86117463876434,69.0,9.43986048829098,34.36198305929248,9.861636050157227,3.898754060787245,986,49,158,25,18,320,138,223,0.209,0.75,0.041,-0.9922,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,0,15,9,5,0,10,0,17,6,4,4,1,38,33,16,0,5,9,0,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,15,9,0,3,5,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,4,5,15,2,25,27,6,14,1,1,0,1,11,9,2,5,3,113,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504825088109252,0.13928050182685514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286413736267849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136125456270348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385938271455086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202215389332856,0.0,0.0,0.11895680632349966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271109181637691,0.15290751404408648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989081351308376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061970255405914,0.09711131503210864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203986503949126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871888045293404,0.0,0.29949337069857074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470580086006304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601424208483443,0.06641051228058055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656402759080127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998543402948632,0.20158675661767786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318651096732315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018724767810735,0.0,0.14655990087103066,0.0,0.0,0.2733025381529832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930441353117392,0.10810021539315164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517648246812393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364695550944555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925864317002454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030854502776099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785721583925332,0.0,0.0,0.16351192932747907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656365151838632,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jtbxiv,2018/03/23,"What do you do to maintain hygiene? I find I have a hard time prioritizing my hygiene lately. I spent a lot of time dissociated and lose track of time often. So when I am “present” I feel like I need to be productive and do chores, errands, or work. I am not a very bad case but I really need to improve. It’s terrible for my self esteem and I won’t want to leave the house.",0.6781329113924066,2.638421924050636,3.347325949367093,88.65238132911396,82.92405063291139,6.481645569620253,22.53322784810127,7.6454224807358475,0.9106569620253168,288,10,66,5,8,101,55,79,0.113,0.76,0.126,0.2451,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,13,13,7,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,12,1,7,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,43,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004202223599741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136952812894088,0.1714819277900939,0.0,0.0,0.21938876190808815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150253105439286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769695768817008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707713181293227,0.2541637048007806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726957530784428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685391379648535,0.0,0.2040702155378108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559676401284673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377335283129948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504101336359999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199011610391836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980550250474105,0.1415795851976575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747492313193503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ellimity,2018/03/23,"I feel I have BPD but my psych won’t listen I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 about 4 years ago. I read a lot about it and while it totally seemed “me” at the time, I searched more and more and found something on BPD. I was curious and explored the many articles on Google and felt more connected to it than Bipolar. I went to my psych and mentioned that maybe I should get a re-evaluation, maybe I have another problem? He, on three occasions, denied me of any reevaluating and just simply says “i already diagnosed you there’s nothing else to do”. I’m not sure what to do now. He obviously won’t listen to me. And all he’s doing is shuffling around my meds each visit cause nothing works. I can’t go to another psych either because the next closest one is an hour away and no one will drive me that far for a doctor. I feel i’m just loosing my sanity. ",4.593000525486076,4.9876384104046245,5.754040987913822,81.82095112979506,69.52023121387282,9.2966894377299,30.756174461376766,9.339509955726095,2.5305537572254337,667,26,139,13,11,223,106,173,0.08,0.902,0.019,-0.8655,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,7,0,14,5,0,1,4,31,26,11,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,6,12,0,0,6,1,0,5,5,1,0,3,5,6,21,1,18,17,8,20,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,2,7,94,27,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853101083039895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600076941784777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860286998034258,0.3040838022883903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907798975299986,0.0,0.0,0.13622936860356746,0.0,0.0,0.0883887696488303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36523706096146186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489517663333684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943376200659037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841047996179405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211263115094768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662958728062073,0.0,0.13921977077448985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898162618402606,0.0,0.0,0.07575490019872645,0.0,0.08240508459279625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279274753391166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327118652379995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700410712063242,0.2913377671261784,0.0,0.16105887820299072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15420585721338528,0.0,0.0,0.278256888713536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965073155868312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874245923686962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503614678811086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530736144099007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199973985492075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116257041216809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366578703549788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454886341874614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441358690200764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055594763404707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337325520574496 bpd,throwaway232796,2018/03/23,"How to deal with the shame knowing you've done immoral and inappropriate things in the past. Recently diagnosed BPD male in his early 20's here, and I just want to make a precursor that this sub has helped me tremendously thus far with trying to resolve my personal issues. What I've really been struggling with is moving my past destructive relationship with alcohol, and the things that it has caused me to do, especially with women. On more than one occasion I have gotten blackout drunk or near blackout and have behaved extremely inappropriately around women. I have people relay to me that I've made girls uncomfortable, mildly stalked them through parties, and have engaged in attempts in un-consensual kissing and the likes. I've even woken up from blackouts lying next to strangers, not knowing what the fuck happened. I don't remember doing about 90% of these things, but I'm still absolutely disgusted with myself, especially since I try to be as courteous and respectful as I possibly can while sober. I believe a lot of this stems from my low self esteem and the need for alcohol to feel like I'm confident enough to talk to people, and my small town upbringing that probably limited my social skills and ability to connect with new people, especially at the large, top-10 party state university I attend. No t a day goes by that I don't think about these incidents, and even though I've sobered up and no incident like that has occurred in over half a year, I still can't get rid of the shame and disappointment I feel within myself. Much of my former friends no longer want to be around me, and I'm frightened from going out in public, afraid that someone that has seen me act so boorish will see me. I'm also afraid that maybe one day these events will resurface and really bite me in the ass, and it makes me feel like there is no escaping the past, destructive me. Has anyone else dealt with similar feelings or gone through similar periods in there life, and were any tools helpful for you? Thank you for taking the time to read.",12.592744360902259,8.640070289473684,11.29834586466166,62.40342105263157,56.631578947368425,15.067669172932328,44.77443609022557,12.785403640627713,5.500022556390978,1650,67,289,40,14,525,214,380,0.142,0.731,0.126,-0.8284,0,0,2,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,4,16,21,4,5,15,0,24,8,1,6,0,53,52,27,0,3,5,0,4,4,1,2,4,0,0,6,21,28,3,1,9,2,0,5,8,11,0,3,8,6,32,10,57,40,4,45,0,2,2,3,18,22,2,3,21,194,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345838972605936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360638268466054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109570200920763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731018546071159,0.1071209927565147,0.0,0.1861384013925017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177889278306746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316735773208813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739880487346327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484862975583714,0.10778360428296167,0.0,0.10611323854202563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698811511343552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733579611089427,0.0,0.0,0.10802523663441284,0.0,0.1381049198464684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144888470516893,0.14937712512067294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077293116171771,0.09665223020652176,0.05462161305588405,0.0,0.059416600545409724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924507709081779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401516100645468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912014671333377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491284778322708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384480093041053,0.2043059843023292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888823169666839,0.0,0.09892511761241583,0.13957217673935585,0.0,0.10503174542363727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111716094919416,0.07685424398347551,0.07752044691185883,0.0,0.10097236696449023,0.11118716599935592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416878185632516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994064846420918,0.21743965830117787,0.09128660934434946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786129419686517,0.0,0.0,0.11271959731390115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457552274763307,0.0,0.13395126624785555,0.0,0.10322777772553483,0.11224460015120452,0.11843163221161593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331060715782329,0.0,0.10906556260965364,0.0,0.0,0.08648254966431848,0.0,0.0,0.1065727358392395,0.0885825293731807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698310710367548,0.0,0.0,0.1092954652510081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786065064848163,0.08403110392402502,0.0,0.09625304374082178,0.0,0.0,0.20836960387598716,0.06698964405308387,0.10271712342823916,0.0,0.0609623310156665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196141408131266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123329330881392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732498890814004 bpd,blueishinfrared,2018/03/23,"My sister started dating my FP Ever since I have spiraled downhill into a sick form of bpdepression and have been treating her terribly. Even though I know that I can't be with this person and that her and him would work out well. I want to be happy for them, but i feel a deep sense of betrayal and jealousy. So now i feel terrible about myself for feeling this way and have been punishing myself daily, it sucks so much. :( Anyone have experience with this? ",6.798750000000003,6.77248592045455,6.9626363636363635,76.49145454545456,64.79545454545455,9.76727272727273,31.236363636363638,9.3871,2.7031745454545457,363,12,66,6,5,117,62,88,0.28300000000000003,0.652,0.065,-0.9794,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,2,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,17,17,9,0,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,3,14,3,10,12,2,8,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,4,57,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612353903568386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525949706816505,0.253717205554097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743708164963595,0.0,0.0,0.4254690645306407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29858439898856304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414871831255506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20619075126014516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449110626180882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320223446607931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853065546926693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27557776577053394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543892743459174,0.2226381005342221,0.0,0.0,0.2521921500624785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041984044460318,0.0,0.0,0.19925043230607975,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oraclesays,2018/03/23,BPD and gambling So today hasn't been good. I get paid weekly and after a trigger I went and gambled every last penny within 15 minutes on an app. I do this to escape knowing full well how it'll end which is with me hating myself but at least feeling something. Does anyone else use this to self destruct? At the minute it feels like the 'sometimes you have to do something bad to stop you from doing something worse' approach for me but I know I can't go on like this.,3.749503759398497,4.981446115789479,4.359699248120304,87.97789473684212,72.05263157894737,5.428571428571429,26.203007518797,3.1291,0.5541428571428577,371,12,72,0,7,118,72,95,0.19,0.706,0.105,-0.9001,0,0,3,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,3,7,2,0,4,0,9,0,0,3,0,14,19,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,4,0,3,3,2,3,1,0,3,2,10,4,13,15,2,15,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,8,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580790274786106,0.19900832126241236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621712749207973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446218701203308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699691918012104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622515785458716,0.0,0.1720273056055227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636444658016877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641382372936367,0.1387556730959373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014754927038843,0.0,0.1103835730549856,0.16290823463598467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917587656653072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348395249475835,0.15832077465312294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897788188552733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262092391005854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4485758661598503,0.19209528315062105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16238231149277796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841043071586861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677496043386115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579703277528434,0.0,0.17463322943212586,0.18005020033287428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793371439603075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Big_salad420,2018/03/23,"Am I a lunatic, an asshole, an idiot, or is it just BPD? I’m not here for a diagnosis, of course, because that would be stupid. But I wanted to share my problems and experiences anonymously because judgement from those I don’t know and can’t see would serve as a preliminary step to possible diagnosis, which I hope to reach. I’ve been doing some reading, but mostly just random stuff on the internet about Borderline Personality Disorder. As I read criteria for the condition and experiences from others living with it, I am coming to see that these exact characteristics are reflected in my own attitudes, habits, relationships, emotions, and management of these things. I am 20 years old now, going to college and living in a house off campus with a few friends. I will bring more up about that later. But I first started to notice that I’m not all there when I was very young. Probably third grade, I remember venting out to my parents about how everyone in school was better than me, all the other kids were aligned against me because it seemed like they all just knew something that I didn’t. I had a crushes on girls throughout my school days and made an idiot of myself with every girl I felt emotions toward, probably because those emotions were disproportionately intense for the situation (saying I’m in love with a girl who I thought was pretty/nice). Pretty fucking weird, I know. Middle school was rough for me as it was for anyone. I had trouble finding friends, turned on those who actually had my back, and was in constant pursuit of approval from those who didn’t want me around. And I was very sensitive to the rejection that came from not knowing who my friends were. Somehow, because I’m lucky enough to have people in my life as amazing, compassionate, forgiving, and supportive as my closest friends, those who I had once betrayed allowed me back into their lives after the years I spent trying to isolate myself from them (I got choked up writing that sentence because I have the hardest time controlling my emotions when certain topics come up). But more recently, I’ve noticed that I’m still struggling, emotionally in some way when it comes to figuring out who my friends are. And what I’m starting to believe is that it’s all in my head, my overly sensitive mind won’t let me come to terms with the fact that not everyone, myself included, is gonna be all good all the time. I struggle greatly when I think about my roommates. I always feel like they all have something over me. They’re all better students than I am, better athletes, capable of doing more and understanding more than me and kind of just the idiot that wound up living with them to fill the empty room and being down the rent cost. Two of my three roommates are people who I’ve referred to as my closest friends from college. We’ve spent a lot of time with each other as teammates in track and roommates. And I get that too much time with anyone will lead to inevitable discrepancies at some point, but I feel like I’m the only one who has caused such. I feel like one of the two friends directs more attention to and holds more approval of the other, sort of leaving me out of the loop. Like we’re not the three friends it them two and me when I’m not being some over emotional pussy. I’m always the one who pisses that one guy off, the other one is, to me, kind of a perfect human being. Smart, quiet, passive, keeps his thoughts to himself usually. But I’m always being told to quiet down, chill, don’t say that, etc. I feel like, not everything I do is wrong, but I’m the only one in our house, our little group of friends that can do any wrong. And this is the more disturbing part, but I have a real bad problem with idealizing that one friend who I think directs his approval at the other. For some reason I feel like I’m in constant pursuit of his approval. I am extremely sensitive to his criticism because I always get the idea that he only has anything to say about me. The other friend who were always with could do no wrong. I’m usually afraid to bring up my grievances or criticisms of people like him because I’m afraid I’ll get hit back with something even harder that I know I won’t be able to handle because something like telling me to quiet down when I’m in my room laughing with my girlfriend will make me go to bed later on thinking I deserve to die for disrupting my roommates peace and quiet. And at the same time, I get really fucking pissed off that he said anything and for, say about an hour, sometimes a whole day, I’ll think our friendship has dissolved because of my actions. Suicidal thoughts have become increasingly and uncomfortably more common and real enough to the point where I’ve cried after running a scenario through my head. I’ll cry because I’m ashamed of myself for thinking this way, but when I feel trapped and feel like I can’t maintain the integrity of a friendship with someone, I just hop to the extreme of wanting to die for a little bit. It’s comforting in the moment to think self deprecating thoughts and convince myself that I’m truly inadequate and not worth the space I take up and the air that I breathe. Self destructive behavior is something I’ve been shamefully engaged in for as long as I can remember. One thing I hold against myself is my lack of athletic ability. I’m very uncoordinated unlike the rest of my peers. I used to bash myself in the head for not catching a frisbee, I’ve punched myself in the face to the point of a cut lip and black eye in public because someone yelled at me for what I guess was a genuine wrong doing, I don’t totally remember. I’ve moved away from head bashing and lately have been expressing my frequent intense anger by going somewhere where I’ll be completely alone and punching a wall, door, or piece of furniture until my knuckles bleed. For a second I’ll watch blood leak out my head and think “this is what you deserve.” But going out in public afterward brings nothing but unmatched insecurity and relentless self hatred. One things that scares me is this: my dad had a close friend who committed suicide around the time I was born. My dad described him as being a really great guy who was also totally insane, but lovable. He told me what he thought was weird was how he’d fall into these bouts of deep depression and cope with it by going on these ridiculous spending sprees. I don’t know this for certain, but I think he told me that the man bought a boatload of random expensive shit that he didn’t need not too long before he died. In what I have researched, spending sprees as a way to cope with emotional distress are a sign of BPD. And suicide is a frequent cause of death in BPD patients. I sometimes feel like I can’t even plan for the longterm because what if I just go off and decide I can’t live anymore? I worry about this more often than I’m proud to admit. I pretty recently started dating a girl who I think is really great, but looking back on he last few months I’ve started to worry that I opened up too quick. I said “I love you” after only seeing her for about 3 months. She only knows a little bit about my emotional instability and writing this has made me realize I need to pump the brakes a little bit and let her get to know me at a steady pace and on her own. I’ve read that BPD negatively impacts relationships and, sounding like someone with BPD, it’d kill me to lose her to something I can’t control. Before really taking the time to understand the issues that go on in my head I went to a couple therapists. Only for a few visits each and I’ve felt really uncomfortable every time. I feel like I would always say the wrong thing or too much or just feel judged by someone who is literally paid not to judge you. It’s ludicrous I know. Also, as a student and a person in this world, i have felt profoundly unmotivated. I feel like I’ll graduate from college and just fade away, with no contribution made to society or my community or anyone. I’m not smart enough to understand the world. Everyone knows something that I don’t. I feel constantly inadequate but will sometimes be hit with feelings of superiority at the accomplishment of minor feats. I’m unsure about the way I feel about everything and I have a hard time making decisions. I second guess myself a lot. Sorry this was long, and if you happened to make it to this point I would love to hear a response. I’m in need of some insight right now. And I’d love to hear from anyone, if there is anyone, who can relate to what I had to say. 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Last year I got pregnant and it changed me. When I lost the baby in the second trimester, it really fucked me up. Ever since the pregnancy and the loss my personality and emotions have been different. I'm long past it being a hormonal issue. From talking to my therapist, I either have BPD or many traits of BPD. I take celexa for OCD but I don't think it's helping anything else and I definitely turn to alcohol for self medication. I've tried to stop that. I'm doing yoga, working on some skills that I want to improve (french, guitar, exercise), and going back to reading books like I always loved to do. But then another bad thing happens and I spiral. I just found out something about my physical health that could be bad. My dad has abandoned me for his new gf who is my age. My mom died of an overdose nearly 3 years ago. Two of my bosses personally dislike me and trying to put on a happy face and kiss their assess is exhausting me. One of my closest friends is moving to another state. I spilled the beans to my cousin about my dad (because he's keeping it secret) and now I'm worried it'll get back to him and he will tell people my secrets. And I keep feeling this intense rage. I broke down and literally screamed at my dad. I screamed and told him how awful he is and sent him pictures of my cut wrists after he chose the gf over me. This isn't me. Or, it wasn't me. I guess it is now. My job is demanding and requires a lot of thought and I often feel like I'm pushing through at 10% capacity. I feel like a total psycho. Like I'm not sane and soon it'll become clear to everyone and I will lose everything and my husband and son rely on my financially. It's all just too much. It feels like 10,000 pounds on my shoulders. I don't trust myself. The only reason I don't just end it is that I would never abandon my son. He doesn't need to have the issues I have. I want to be there for him and help him be a happy person. But he's the only thing that stops me. How did you act when diagnosed? What medications have helped? I want to fix this before I lose everything.",2.1318262576180125,4.066420856832971,3.920649209792377,86.50327729573391,77.9587852494577,6.81997727507489,24.64213407705816,7.793537801064563,1.3189175291808697,1769,63,365,28,42,595,241,461,0.159,0.713,0.128,-0.9327,2,1,2,0,0,0,52.0,0,1,1,7,21,27,3,1,15,1,36,14,3,4,6,73,69,33,1,7,10,8,4,5,3,5,8,2,0,4,27,24,1,8,11,5,0,6,8,16,0,3,12,6,63,11,42,47,9,45,0,7,0,3,40,13,1,6,30,242,90,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101795005366087,0.07349403905774808,0.0886047635575176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13797425928026982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738751348629857,0.0634253418875267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822724043168511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750417619852902,0.1384515050379118,0.05054070334364045,0.1831334840991686,0.07054965693074962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884257153364108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770698285144993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619628198345184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415113366622619,0.08604670173771795,0.08662250976838687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926003157903286,0.09326173604501166,0.0734329781286285,0.08566740825413564,0.0,0.0,0.07499615448381783,0.0,0.0792233320923416,0.1490269583038341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768561213360791,0.1776911334827646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090570259072198,0.06405547338102044,0.07664825666428687,0.043316656097628914,0.0,0.04711923189969673,0.0,0.06631009336131992,0.0,0.09133387544731043,0.0,0.07331636737444941,0.17651685595464794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812864541497129,0.0,0.0,0.1667169483392155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307141272698498,0.08227462787990511,0.1473870844343933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758209658337556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025263344854254,0.0,0.0,0.07337206865298182,0.0,0.18550846503921728,0.09050522971811044,0.07048647123011954,0.07482882635251592,0.0,0.0,0.08405695653190877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704467419080593,0.08355301374858044,0.0,0.0,0.09710230018057243,0.0,0.08811940142552463,0.12189566254183898,0.12295230226833292,0.06394471730241644,0.08007426091004552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699930084656006,0.0,0.056181446926954696,0.12611242654451044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914625123070154,0.057478827968589476,0.21717945198224886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334668617497216,0.0,0.0,0.08293167670560063,0.0,0.053113782340736236,0.08524450753023455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864924194535089,0.0,0.0,0.06858338032644108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638275837524741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386316746211073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233743051409259,0.06663930679705546,0.07246633038414765,0.0,0.0,0.09626401820316603,0.1101624304291516,0.053124893447968516,0.0,0.1316413514728631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792233320923416,0.0,0.11257986369977566,0.09018144544534927,0.08099028057729674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467060540781061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060358914373737575,0.08419835802246291,0.0,0.058896345518073774,0.0,0.0,0.10678166491813 bpd,sadeyes93,2018/03/23,"Anyone wants a penpal they can overshare to? Hi, so I've been reading this subreddit for a while and I thought it a good idea to try this. Does anyone want to be my penpal? Of course we can do it however you like, one idea I had however is to send one another sort of a diary entries where we don't censor our thoughts and confess our fears and feelings, complain or gush over things and what not. The other person could write back some commentary and their own entry and so on. About me: I'm a 24 female, I'm struggling with bpd since always, I think, I had many crazy and messed up stuff happening to me, I'm super non-judgmental and supportive and also I spend lots of time on this app. Also I like to overshare :) So penpals of any gender and age, welcome!",2.3201680672268914,4.319520013071898,3.634234360410833,88.47191176470591,77.62745098039215,6.462931839402429,24.00046685340803,7.447530270364453,1.0947408029878614,594,20,120,8,14,194,101,153,0.08,0.767,0.152,0.8893,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,4,1,2,1,8,10,0,2,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,29,21,17,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,13,0,0,7,1,1,1,2,4,0,2,5,1,16,6,17,14,3,10,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,4,6,83,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715151668410212,0.1412545151343962,0.0,0.0,0.11544310836600274,0.17800891265600682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740127981497697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053551206206274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380767931126252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355401183387164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855874675290265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102800202504436,0.08583611885472296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238723451456306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011884070138362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.383278370512041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658730219907109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432449022132748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211072123922866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23006850949191854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822850941875312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698066558710241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042781870798787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747075958615244,0.19433540516527076,0.0,0.19264244899993296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278147661359945,0.10877581231026524,0.0,0.2695420924299169,0.09898883880173613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525638292071085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025853753864395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,piltown,2018/03/23,What are your experiences with living with BPD? Iam a bpd sufferer and would find it interesting to hear about how the illness affects other people and how they cope so if anyone feels like sharing I’d appreciate it!,9.294,8.591176400000005,9.320000000000004,63.86500000000004,60.0,12.0,37.5,11.20814326018867,4.303,176,7,29,4,2,58,35,40,0.117,0.657,0.226,0.6476,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,3,0,11,4,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,3,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646897987489254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7077733814483309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748540776366127,0.0,0.0,0.14207282050838832,0.20073342562122906,0.0,0.0,0.2568122383981897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166868648643603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372734950910094,0.0,0.2481120420706254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479737361145394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960138067712654,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,gmercure,2018/03/23,"Creativity and Medications With the broad comorbidity that comes with borderline personality disorder, we're prescribed a lot of medications even though they're considered less effective than therapy. Have any users who had been fluidly creative found that creativity dulled, stunted, or even washed away as the medications piled up? I feel it's happening with me, and I'm concerned.",10.553709677419356,12.54312098387097,10.058225806451613,50.55733870967746,56.903225806451616,15.232258064516133,44.532258064516135,13.816669648895859,7.530793548387097,319,18,44,14,4,103,51,62,0.079,0.7559999999999999,0.165,0.6915,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,11,8,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,8,5,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,28,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510165146462253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086438705391442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912952877305012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25451364940721266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933528056029166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228623071290088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24349038809810586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637745748823887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879759736040425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6711422615294581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390462696703945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539585839805812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818452503092028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,katwahbam,2018/03/23,"I wrote this slam poem to help others understand what BPD is like Too Much :Living with Borderline Personality Disorder By: Elane Harrison Who do you think I am? No, really, please tell me who you think I am because I have no idea. I can’t see myself unless you first see me, and tell me what you perceive. I will then imitate your perception of me. But what if I can’t keep up with it? What if you see through my façade? You’ll fucking leave. … then who will tell me who I am? Mom said, “No one will want to be your friend if you don’t smile when you walk into school.” Mom said, “You are going to end up bitter and lonely just like your great-grandmother.” Mom said, “You are an evil little girl.” There is an empty void sitting in the center of my chest, directly under my heart, sucking up my motivation and self-esteem like a constant vacuum. It never goes away. It is there, strong, and visceral when I wake up in the morning. It is there, strong, and visceral when I go to bed at night. Its existence only ever gets overshadowed by the Puncturing rage that comes so immediate. So fast, without warning When it takes over, it is all consuming, forcing my consciousness out. Impulsively, I will tear you down with only a few sentences And then the rage leaves just as quickly as it came, melting away like fog. When I wake up to the nasty decisions I made, I am filled with self-loathing. I think “I don’t want to be here anymore.” I think “I want to go away.” I think “I want to sleep and never wake up.” I am a walking nerve ending, stripped and raw. My blood is continuously buzzing and humming just beneath the surface If I brush my finger against my wrist, I will surely bleed waterfalls. They say, “You’re too sensitive.” They say, “Get over it.” They say, “We are tired of walking on eggshells around you.” But they don’t get it. I am missing my emotional skin. Can’t you see that?! Do you think I want to be like this?! Do you think I want to view the world in black and white instead of beautiful shades of grey? Do you think I want to disappear into blackout rages? Pushing you away? I. Am. Broken. My head is in reality, but my emotions are not I. FEEL. I feel everything. I feel everything Too. Much. It is ALL too much. I— I am too much.",1.7786711159093151,4.088873990970658,3.1089846893708883,89.92557144960253,81.09932279909707,6.651270978506233,22.948719206987928,7.818819491935897,1.1297910884286977,1730,59,364,31,46,561,205,443,0.078,0.826,0.096,-0.4843,1,2,0,0,0,0,75.0,1,20,4,4,24,18,7,0,12,0,40,14,11,2,6,68,81,30,0,11,13,3,5,5,1,6,2,6,2,2,24,21,0,1,18,0,0,11,13,9,0,2,6,21,74,9,53,66,7,60,0,2,8,1,46,29,2,4,24,259,98,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421721359948172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661991569750059,0.0,0.0,0.2812435820935915,0.0,0.0,0.045619337532904376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425333574460157,0.0,0.0,0.08559245972431723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446459680306874,0.0,0.08087114160974236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576855177440693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836087881936335,0.1325649859883802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676934561397952,0.0,0.0,0.13451556196477296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135180067735045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365547248945834,0.0,0.0,0.05781811624444756,0.06918468602033757,0.117296180578171,0.0,0.12759308846820425,0.0,0.0,0.08250696601444857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680333718956626,0.0,0.0,0.08868103302596432,0.05016100051101655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448074703370173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665176848359918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848105977365248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828054736273288,0.07500534286807678,0.0660815685260934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708116428034388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26294109385695746,0.0,0.0,0.2200523144873439,0.0,0.11543628992381832,0.0,0.0,0.07022852653144887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071081763586493,0.11383231678653627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065343918002255,0.0,0.08214746693963093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794186475357295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135585504096364,0.1785377982690839,0.0,0.07573803815378546,0.2385384459753013,0.0,0.1561405606193907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489005639314678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053205445692236,0.0,0.05626736660589425,0.0,0.19622991570306514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3836151513957762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860129855021151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790692639443762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30898152640280097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213924380596587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,PoutyPuff,2018/03/23,"The definition of BPD in musical form There’s a song that I found a long time ago that I felt describe the way I felt so accurately that it scared me. I had forgotten about it until recently and it describes BPD perfectly. [Holly Conlan - OK](https://youtu.be/lpQZUD22cxo) Do any of you guys have songs like that? ",6.435526315789473,8.014871105263158,6.114868421052632,76.60282894736844,66.01754385964911,10.612280701754386,31.793859649122812,10.686352973137794,3.5777754385964915,251,10,45,7,4,78,44,57,0.085,0.7959999999999999,0.119,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,7,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,4,6,2,5,2,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,29,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123087111598384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287313160410066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6033019516422846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599290071732541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26260731892760314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371498161053307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170111361459973,0.0,0.0,0.21195636449652308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23648449838096305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23978852277121696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965859372373135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19010969354105092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,malabbott,2018/03/23,"Husband giving up after 2 years of marriage thanks to my stupid intense emotions and anger. My husband told me 4 days ago he’s lost all passion for me and doesn’t think he can do this anymore because I just mentally abused the hell out of him for so long for no reason. He was doing nothing wrong!!! I was just so afraid of being abandoned and I always felt so empty that I kept begging him to do more. I needed more to feel loved. It was so confusing to him because to a normal person he seemed very loving. Not to me. And now he’s leaving even though he promised he never would. Making all my worst fears of abandonment come true. But there is hope. I decided literally today that I am going to do an inpatient intensive treatment. I don’t wanna be this person anymore. I’m 27. And if my husband changes his heart and stays he stays. If he doesn’t he goes. I will be okay. I can do this. We can all do this. Because if we learn to control it we won’t fuck up the next time. There has to be more for us. And pray. All the time. I just found God literally 3 days ago and feel more at peace than I ever have even though I’m crying constantly and suffering this great REAL abandonment. I’m not just imagining it or making up ridiculous scenarios in my head. My loving great faithful God fearing husband is leaving. Pushed to far. The most patient man I know. Is leaving. I did that. It has to be okay after this. This intense emotional prison is not my life anymore. By the way weed helps so much. No matter what anyone says. It suddenly gives me the “grey matter” I’ve been missing. LOL I WAS AN ANATOMY MAJOR BEFORE I FUCKED COLLEGE UP TOO SO I COULDNT RESIST THE PUN! Because Grey matter is in your brain and bpd patients think in black and white. Haha. I thought it was funny. But no one else probably did... yet another trap of this terrible disease. Thinking everyone hates you. For literally no reason. IT WILL BE OKAY. ",0.93408376963351,3.476504649214661,2.618395811518326,89.89767748691101,88.89528795811519,5.150240837696335,22.82324607329843,6.742157984588678,0.8680624502617804,1504,58,294,20,50,493,198,382,0.182,0.633,0.185,-0.8418,0,0,0,0,1,1,47.0,4,2,0,2,21,35,7,4,10,5,40,10,3,5,7,70,72,25,0,9,13,4,3,0,0,4,1,1,0,3,19,16,0,5,15,0,0,3,13,20,0,1,14,8,39,15,35,47,12,34,3,6,4,6,36,10,3,8,18,200,58,2,0.0,0.10476262927833653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675707408121972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357209326291107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271553770225688,0.0,0.0,0.2630651053012385,0.061824958595708815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21559878541797894,0.0,0.07523846790627745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113612439761537,0.09870538546868414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353608935196736,0.07616555568774222,0.0,0.09555004987659987,0.09916996900942764,0.0,0.0,0.09712465057261924,0.11404650396559375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386313257712755,0.19892003560538846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680046966332988,0.07998048477774497,0.0,0.0844886054500431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899300163881029,0.08941509495392021,0.0,0.08489657001789333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694739966748923,0.0,0.16348477512140858,0.0,0.16964005055049589,0.050250830000968895,0.0,0.0,0.19496558502638425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729593424053203,0.0907438989122458,0.0,0.0,0.10477751346246003,0.059265715869533324,0.0,0.0,0.0878204975941005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859303566575612,0.0,0.0,0.2808703982245629,0.0,0.0,0.06245329594670201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824846034309271,0.0,0.0,0.09652031090924207,0.0,0.2394061074817627,0.0,0.11804138341496548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910604270642951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499849391947374,0.06556192652573252,0.06819455642791207,0.0,0.0940351236125169,0.0,0.08663232042389607,0.08484087893627842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991533021473186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440896468056695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533115779771943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064072951140124,0.0,0.18181991020298016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031472203764959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049377681485444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848680927411307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140478071274522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996690407578355,0.17374338687169302,0.07019519320733257,0.10311622355404904,0.0,0.0838113315725781,0.0844886054500431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063577516352467,0.0,0.0,0.0729553337799147,0.0,0.07018327027461567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281066407464296,0.0966728246920462,0.0,0.056939248314188985 bpd,Linariann,2018/03/23,"I built high walls, but they got melted I built my walls, high walls to cover the sky and block everything. It's something I would picture strongly in my head when I was a kid. It was my forteress, and no one could enter. My mind was always elsewhere when it could. I had no friends at school, was insulted and beaten most every days. I dreamt I would take revenge. I dreamt I would find love someday. Couples were idealized. I was wary and almost paranoid to new people, imagining what they could think to better counter and prevent them. I learned to be charming so others could protect and save me. This was my childhood. Nothing as bad as some other people anyway, right? *nervous laugh* Two years ago, I met my first fp, well, he was closer to me than anyone I ever met and I could/can talk for hours about him... anyway. It lasted less than a year, long distance. He melted those high sturdy walls of mine. He knew what he was doing, I didnt. It was toxic and I loved it. Then I fell to anxiety and depression, got abbandoned and betrayed. I didnt like that as much... So these days, I'm rebuilding my walls. This time I'm even adding a door so that I can leave for a walk from time to time. It's finnaly quiet. Sweet dreams fellow redditors.",1.7740922890103228,4.251815704918034,2.587723132969036,92.60585003035824,82.52459016393442,5.090224650880389,21.33211900425016,6.42735559955562,0.3444761991499692,968,30,194,9,27,303,143,244,0.146,0.664,0.19,0.9403,0,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,3,5,11,17,2,1,5,0,23,3,1,0,1,32,34,20,0,8,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,17,10,0,3,5,1,0,3,4,5,1,3,18,2,33,12,19,8,4,34,0,1,0,2,17,13,0,3,19,128,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051939400755539,0.0,0.11883102719279022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874308276412183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078235050526337,0.0,0.0,0.08297693775938828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908462993090128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049541162673103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737423476426545,0.13130627912060333,0.0,0.15306487664814594,0.0,0.10221043820624047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838052399596862,0.1073439571673127,0.0999847312177777,0.0,0.10665309134212624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846237983718968,0.1009407807198148,0.0,0.0,0.09168427419072332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982274146000128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178982441903753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761446305493921,0.0,0.0,0.11686620707532308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673202220639714,0.0,0.12565456886291534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057976247779337166,0.0,0.0,0.10501936064551484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21420891207422996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982303639387475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723622476933607,0.0,0.0,0.11461238369477765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386722273415315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041397421018366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454189924681878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013436714967138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010054128019056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135808980575152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892251945060589,0.09538258252996196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603904928255034,0.0,0.0,0.2075925805251095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592350659971334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669872898496477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528996386861749,0.0,0.0,0.15283938948762174 bpd,McCrapperson,2018/03/23,"Answers, finally I've been searching for answers for years, feeling like I'm out of control and completely exhausted from trying to act normal at work and in mixed company. I was diagnosed BPD today, and I'm honestly excited about it because I now know I'm not completely unhinged- there are other people who can relate to me. Thanks for sharing your stories and being supportive. ",6.630869565217387,8.471912086956525,7.406492753623188,66.54104347826089,65.81159420289856,10.73739130434783,39.88695652173914,10.793553405168565,5.254533913043479,310,18,44,9,5,103,54,69,0.037000000000000005,0.732,0.23,0.9101,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,12,12,4,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,6,11,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477167350219179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051950285572411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5081382691156076,0.0,0.2717837951804312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24595088495403905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252486360404535,0.17311429101642795,0.0,0.2654509952536188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317337682460842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838588269234407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374232952301852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799498698458276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749831900952417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223096774849626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229692133631254,0.0,0.0,0.1645201668630512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764126965177648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604688754193416 bpd,Coma_White666,2018/03/23,"Afraid to be a mom Sorry this is gonna be a rambling mess. All over the internet everyone has an opinion. Every one has an opinion on crazy chicks, controlling chicks, jealous chicks, ect. Honestly, I have some bad characteristics. Those i mentioned are some of mine. I have bpd and bdd. I'm an angry resentful sad person. I can be happy, but it doesn't last. I frequent reddit and fb a lot, just scrolling through. I see people complaining about dealing with someone with bpd more often on reddit than fb. Fb usually is more general complaining. But anyways. I frequent a subreddit about terrible mothers and mil. Frequent enough, i see people talk negatively about a mom or mil with bpd. I always take it personally. I'm not a mom yet, maybe someday in the future, but I feel like a terrible person. I'm not a good person in many ways. I try to be, but I've gotten so tired of my mental health bs and everything that has gotten in the way every time I've tried to get the help i need. Ive kind of given up and i dont know what i want. Im engaged to be married this year, and going to school for a degree. Ive always wanted the cliche happy marriage, kids, house with a white picket fence, but with my bpd and bdd im afraid ill never have that. Im afraid of always being this horrible abusive monster. I wish i didnt take stuff posted about bpd so personally..",2.1330572639059717,4.401943073800742,3.956178761787616,84.57582069154027,79.51660516605166,6.6716413830804955,24.05917725843925,7.793537801064563,1.4214213748804148,1067,38,206,18,27,359,148,271,0.18600000000000005,0.731,0.083,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,1,10,19,2,3,18,0,21,3,0,1,2,38,40,15,0,4,9,4,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,9,10,12,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,12,0,1,4,4,21,7,28,29,7,21,0,1,3,0,20,7,0,7,11,127,31,1,0.0,0.10036864721460226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114589388719718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073012143294963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334525052977602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501055579032266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873332902540503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928062575265606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875290765095243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274529128091826,0.08094496188654407,0.07613275749315243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283241162860914,0.06051753377643149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044257985422630985,0.0,0.04814319632249958,0.0710515424131562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035280516764304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004379967145057,0.0,0.0,0.056779977450032326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774508567748057,0.0,0.0,0.2745071516927789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821343940827622,0.046554933638262574,0.06905074663834915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413855009451918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201823726107269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588362750059055,0.08510355512783735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853687333612988,0.0,0.0,0.2976373921530122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281211076411625,0.06533432220266698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574023454975691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745584075604565,0.3698317570290435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112969282740687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573202397621943,0.1350073507850858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177532984401096,0.0,0.0,0.09482699534143332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697379353951774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738421381183215,0.06808746875915375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049395647738570886,0.0973627983386705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150263758882162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329716539797303,0.0,0.09992944958888376,0.13447924976844058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741343469682016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054551087215727566 bpd,GrubbsTavern,2018/03/23,Most accurate and brief summary possible I don't know how to explain this thing to other people who have never heard of BPD. What's the shortest and most accurate way you've heard it summarized?,4.976936936936936,7.067695162162168,5.803783783783783,75.41936936936938,70.35135135135134,10.33873873873874,31.25225225225225,10.504223727775694,3.869565765765767,159,7,27,5,3,52,32,37,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467627330553374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385826526305113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348224276302616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009662334852177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.489408464839344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884120373501477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34458663804372913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sadhotgirl,2018/03/24,"acting disinterested in someone you're interested in? i have a crush on a coworker and i completely ignore him when i see him, don't say hi, don't look his way, never initiate conversation, but i always want to be around him. if he's in my department i LOOK for excuses to be exactly where he is because i KNOW he will initiate with me. he's super friendly and nice and playful with me and i always go along with it and i flirt when he does. i feel like he can tell im interested but I'm sure i confuse him when i pretend he doesn't exist. I'm just so scared of rejection and I don't want to expose myself in the workplace because I love my job. But I really am interested in this guy and it would be cool if it would go somewhere. I'm newly diagnosed bpd and bipolar but I've been struggling with these things for so long. just trying to see if anybody else does and how you all handle it",1.7765775401069526,3.6139098663101614,4.286096256684496,83.92561497326206,78.67914438502675,7.608556149732621,24.903743315508024,8.4952907291091,1.7316331550802142,703,26,148,15,17,247,103,187,0.103,0.674,0.223,0.9765,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,10,17,0,3,3,1,15,3,0,1,4,37,29,22,0,7,9,0,1,1,1,3,2,1,0,1,7,15,0,1,2,2,0,4,5,5,0,0,1,7,25,12,19,22,1,18,0,1,4,1,21,8,0,4,6,96,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27411774257044397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663426320442188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082156745395674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745700886540105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270406713226427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718566865774953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882922946587199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760105403600487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328655232393171,0.11767482968480555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726099675461255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872264804663478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309707392215758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792409519993285,0.0,0.16345755637977866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052490319761694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047307071595232,0.0,0.0,0.14577056569677918,0.276643874955294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866475142498262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704095421623435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552279961906284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099065161535484,0.16491181425471516,0.0,0.2625184143908214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956533235751387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219939463079184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524510545084633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397110737094646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943155956348312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183295441211236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431031350864245,0.13074576759111622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23402239465940625,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hollyqquinzel,2018/03/24,"Memory Sorry if this has already been asked... Been sat with my partners family tonight and they’ve been discussing memories they have. I’ve noticed this before but tonight it’s really hit home that I have little to no memory of my childhood. What I do remember comes in bits and pieces. Not even just my childhood. It’s like my long term memories just don’t work properly. I can retain things like bits and pieces of knowledge but nothing specific to me. Is this a normal thing for someone with bpd or related? Baffles me. ",4.004242424242424,6.3948732626262625,4.671717171717173,81.16090909090913,73.94949494949495,8.44040404040404,29.181818181818183,9.150863307647796,2.832684848484848,419,18,74,10,9,134,68,99,0.037000000000000005,0.8959999999999999,0.068,0.6082,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,0,0,17,14,7,0,2,7,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,9,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,10,2,8,9,5,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,8,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22468458844171246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903443831355914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325394447644482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4445706394300111,0.0,0.2564349769150815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538877815241455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448002497260347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919418764199762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423369576441988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894348370480702,0.20406697773542395,0.0,0.180185147051863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994909206721762,0.19536571301357347,0.23180709460059076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304353939754603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23064621991845102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725149368391071,0.0,0.0,0.2279205563739349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705339251145759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482277937911285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LadyMisha412,2018/03/24,"Intense emotions sometimes don't feel real Do not have official diagnosis, but meet most of the BPD criteria. Trying to pinpoint certain areas of life affected by it. I feel intense emotions at times. A bad thought brings on stomach wrenching sobs. The odd part is that I have learned to quash those intense emotions. I forcibly clamp down and suppress them. So I can go from sobbing to not sobbing within just a few seconds. I sometimes wonder if those intense emotions are even real because I can suppress them so quickly. But they feel intensely real. 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I brought this up with my caseworker in our meeting this week and she confirmed that this is what she had suspected all along. (We've been meeting since September after I was referred for a suicide attempt) This is an informal diagnosis with just a note on my record to say that it had been discussed as she cannot give me a formal diagnosis. She suggested that currently she feels I do not need to be formally diagnosed as I seem to be coping well however if I wish she will set up an appointment with a psychiatrist to have me formally diagnosed. What I was wondering is what experiences others have had pre/post diagnosis and how it has affected their treatment and day to day life. Have there been any negative consequences of a formal diagnosis? Currently I'm just happy to have a name for it so I don't feel so alone, I've spent a long time wondering why my brain worked the way it did and why I behaved in such a damaging way. 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She finally broke it off in December. 2 months later she texted me, wishing me well, when i didnt respond it was followed by statements of how happy she is now. I didnt respond to those either. I know this was partially a dig at me. I know when im happy im certainly not messaging exs to tell them. She couldnt have possibly changed that much in 2 months, she spent the past 10 years on anti depressives and was diagnosed with bpd recently. But Ive also read about dramatic mood shifts, or extreme happiness for a bit after a break up. Maybe she actually is euphoric, at least temporarily. I'm hoping you guys can enlighten me: Experiences after a break up? Forgetting about ex being a breeze? Extreme happiness?",3.713901960784317,5.9034669000000015,5.141764705882356,78.38460784313726,74.11764705882355,9.003921568627451,30.15686274509804,9.558583805096642,3.1811098039215704,703,32,127,19,15,235,117,170,0.08,0.743,0.177,0.9541,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,0,11,11,0,0,6,0,13,1,0,1,1,21,22,9,0,4,6,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,5,1,1,1,5,3,1,0,7,2,22,7,22,13,5,28,0,2,1,0,19,8,0,5,17,86,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.13259891352478945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866288734533926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089660891772045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483453584290772,0.0,0.17113563150725655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437426266843413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170329222559489,0.13791495954359453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291634690310847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884948788881566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345421921163598,0.0,0.5785855516648445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495912741659186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935466249988524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935177712803852,0.0,0.0,0.1438769038360359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410466318302477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365093471834541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169156412638859,0.0,0.0998871591835994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971247755026094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318386135655174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591639636253391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416473744841886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175208354377514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216456787739273,0.0,0.11876478174189607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846500457865242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217210172711625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562548633530732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750202377304464 bpd,wordspinner82,2018/03/24,"Dear Reddit, my brain is imploding. Waiting on formal diagnosis for BPD as they think there might also be bipolar in the mix. Also dealing with possible arthritis, confirmed type 2 diabetes, and mystery torso pain. Am moving house next week, I have spent the last of my savings on the move (most of it has already gone on impulse buying), being assessed by the benefits system in a few weeks to decide if I'm fit for work. Dad is having his pacemaker replaced next week and is freaking out about it. I can't be there because it's the same day as my move. So basically bouncing between paralysis and frenetic activity, so tense I can barely breathe, a dozen or so micro panic attacks a day, insomnia at night and exhausted naps during the day, my house is full of boxes and I'm out of money. Brain is imploding. Need to vent, but I don't want my people to be worried about me :/ longing to cut, refuse to do that again. Being told by mental health team that BPD is a likely diagnosis has utterly thrown me, I was expecting to be either told I was overreacting or that it might be bipolar. BPD came as a nasty shock - nasty because I never thought I'd be taken seriously and that I probably would be told to stop being ridiculous :/ Sorry, just really needed to vent. Too much going on. 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I had a pretty severe breakdown a couple of weeks ago. I can't even say it's 'over' because I feel like I'm a totally different person to who I was a few weeks ago. A bit of background: my mental health was pretty bad throughout my teenage years but seemed to even out somewhat in my early twenties. Now though, I feel like I've been living in denial for the past 15 years, pretending to be someone I'm not. Pretending to be Neurotypical I guess. Then about 3 weeks ago I just fell apart completely. In the midst of it I had pretty dark thoughts and feelings and seemed to lose touch with any recollection of my past self and lost the ability to imagine my future self. While overall things have improved since then, those feelings have not. I have no idea who I was, who I am now, and who I will be in future. ",4.6040503875968986,5.688556343023257,5.161627906976744,83.58550387596902,69.87209302325581,8.058914728682172,28.86821705426357,8.344100000000001,1.965137984496124,689,25,135,10,12,221,95,172,0.07,0.775,0.154,0.923,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,10,0,15,1,0,0,1,24,27,9,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,1,1,1,0,4,8,6,0,0,11,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,8,7,17,3,20,15,4,27,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,4,22,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992102747672664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651329078497522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394438287206874,0.06858741166068896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283600668010004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359373068949221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449445860387323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23510609641383184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486287017699047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28445197009781953,0.24113979652739334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394671422116288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959698386223801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701446552185675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490578274348613,0.0,0.09935180975423163,0.0,0.0,0.12587424211013012,0.12282218167631327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338751877868722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481444283238288,0.0,0.19648554520592726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434011698982071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894755464758944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048568055082801,0.23475301236911886,0.12710864882849374,0.0,0.09307263706932783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953326380759416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474921662657244,0.0,0.11054430734003023,0.08932344593276044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707555226014301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491048847809704 bpd,colmwhelan,2018/03/24,"Well known pwBPD I was reading another post about Jeffrey Dahmer having BPD and wanted to ask if you know of other well known people with BPD? Preferably with a less negative image than Dahmer! My personal favourite is Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan. (quite offensive but achingly funny) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YCqwsui-bc",9.18312925170068,13.69542448979592,6.8603061224489785,60.42338435374151,69.40816326530613,8.164625850340135,32.656462585034014,8.841846274778883,4.100874829931971,276,12,29,6,6,80,44,49,0.081,0.812,0.107,-0.2395,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,10,6,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,3,2,6,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,21,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581895523629331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301881811678385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.620226349225662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531943444892747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707021866611402,0.2149951478452629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358165567525792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618917838367976,0.24629274912941784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145230543214077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44277369922360377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wadaball,2018/03/24,Does anyone have an emotion processing chart? I want to make a wallpaper where I can just light my screen up and read whenever I feel like I’m reacting improperly. If anyone has one or can make one that’d be greatly appreciated,5.599696969696968,6.770349272727278,7.025454545454547,70.81651515151519,67.63636363636363,11.321212121212122,32.84848484848485,11.20814326018867,4.047266666666667,184,8,34,6,3,63,37,44,0.0,0.826,0.174,0.7501,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,0,9,11,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,4,2,2,9,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4183438176354798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617872713583869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365023163360426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125870290456706,0.2137120772320051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32981278516025353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614907155599535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993685082727868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054221554894997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299229914566437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644580764962053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cancancancelled,2018/03/24,"Coping with BPD while trying to support a grieving loved one I’m having a really hard time dealing with my BPD, and it couldn’t come at a worse time (not that there is ever a good time for it). The last 4 months or so have been terrible. I find myself dissociating often, my self perception is either completely negative or non-existent (feeling like a non-person, feeling like my actions aren’t “real” and won’t have “real” consequences), deep bouts of depression lasting weeks, intense anger, impulsiveness (for me this manifests as drug use, drinking, lying), black and white thinking all the time, the works. This has caused a lot of strain on my 9 year relationship, but more over the last year than ever. We just officially moved in together in the summer and I’m sure he feels that I’m a nightmare to live with as it’s a lot harder to hide/control my extreme emotions when we share a small apartment. To top it off, he just found out this month that someone very close to him is dying (cancer - seems untreatable at this point), and I’m trying so hard to rein this thing in so I can be there for him without my issues making things worse. Unfortunately, I am becoming angrier and more depressed (not because of his situation, just in general); I am unable to control my emotions almost all of the time. Anyone have any tips for trying to cope with your BPD while supporting a loved one that is going through something awful like this? I am terrified that the monster that is my BPD will begin to twist his legitimate grief into something that is about me. I really do not want to cause him any unnecessary stress. Just some context: I am not on any medication to treat my BPD symptoms, nor do a have a therapist or psychiatrist right now. My insurance only covers $400 of psychotherapy per year and a one hour session where I live is $150-$200. I’ve entered into therapy before and had to leave because I couldn’t afford it. It made me feel worse than if I had never gone so I probably won’t go back until I can afford to go regularly. My city has a BPD group course but there is a 3 month waiting list.",6.390377668308703,6.621305849753695,7.0217857142857145,74.85029761904764,65.62561576354679,10.017898193760264,32.43390804597701,9.827888789773867,3.0581464696223315,1669,63,308,33,24,551,218,406,0.141,0.774,0.086,-0.9757,3,0,4,0,0,0,51.0,2,1,0,3,19,19,1,2,22,1,33,7,0,6,6,69,59,25,3,4,16,0,6,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,21,19,1,3,9,1,0,8,13,8,0,3,6,8,35,11,47,47,8,56,0,4,2,2,17,21,0,10,30,210,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004458867519105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270472326094075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489105043706625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537870540395916,0.0,0.08528145894486297,0.0772540233534273,0.059522100733397885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5285957063880149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437153610780245,0.0,0.060255531568084574,0.07334100115580422,0.0,0.15690922607462093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211513957751751,0.12049526578360704,0.0,0.07259681579509943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852414272609414,0.0811195235836247,0.0,0.0,0.15736814859047862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265471401564714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147481832201225,0.09994425682300652,0.0,0.0,0.06393282092986256,0.0,0.0,0.07669631040384094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192621958615788,0.05867054686039419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532250562726988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888643141441568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300938452839632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105519157485558,0.0,0.07406670462321292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252177039704198,0.0,0.12353385380060328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189375830705786,0.12626479372644808,0.06618816202892037,0.04669201347299767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046703241889975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749971296250946,0.07434553357736745,0.0,0.0,0.05394957353767305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219931983298073,0.05319995080829256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107743954399133,0.0,0.0,0.06612514075558422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541768107951964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923630043403572,0.08962322540902766,0.0,0.0,0.07509987312612383,0.0,0.059736719882967484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367964188151241,0.07297286375808258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786264702888049,0.0,0.0,0.059268211639182514,0.10770149806435876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012722319009376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875633612640574,0.06592682875026737,0.07270459249540635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999365617195008,0.081217072311419,0.09294303567593867,0.044820987044130935,0.0,0.0,0.20394136192662926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424739030467823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041414078393745,0.0,0.057715884535235726,0.04125818564744065,0.0,0.05610948478189212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742908042575713,0.0,0.05092426438074205,0.0,0.2138543694554108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513607207138556 bpd,sadborderline,2018/03/24,"How do you go about getting BPD actually diagnosed? I am a self diagnosed borderline with no experience with mental health professionals and am incredibly nervous at the thought of bringing my BPD up with one. Do I just say ""I think I have BPD"" and they'll ask me about my symptoms, or do I have to describe my symptoms to them and just see what they say? I'm sorry if this sounds disjointed or confused, I'm not good with doctors.",8.302499999999998,6.79966948809524,8.614285714285717,70.7057142857143,62.45238095238096,12.20952380952381,41.23809523809524,11.20814326018867,4.534652380952379,343,17,66,8,4,114,56,84,0.159,0.841,0.0,-0.8823,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,3,0,5,3,0,2,2,0,8,6,0,1,0,17,17,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,1,4,13,1,11,15,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,4,0,47,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.16042972009664802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536908832443653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6211643986692129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33372307160847137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826935415407596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160813778658512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589169803727979,0.0,0.09343174664627098,0.13789009074310918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474846126988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656755362376781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140102467446918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614733844116793,0.0,0.0,0.13100472712113287,0.0,0.1715040227821552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840312335021946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417470398047352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534024824103046,0.0,0.13051445135149178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wildbluerose,2018/03/24,"is it okay to call out of work because you had a mental break i literally just had an awful meltdown complete with screaming self harming and confused wandering i completely broke from reality and felt possessed by anger and evil im feeling ok now i just need time to recover so my question is am i a bad person if i call out of work tomorrow",6.187058823529411,6.324045352941178,7.351764705882353,72.63294117647061,66.05882352941177,10.329411764705883,39.058823529411775,10.125756701596842,4.131370588235294,276,15,50,6,4,94,52,68,0.324,0.606,0.069,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,2,4,9,2,1,3,3,5,0,0,0,0,14,8,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,7,2,9,5,0,6,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,3,3,33,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909901751053594,0.13943911666264255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671427043022589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4796636709946998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565892481731233,0.0,0.2196283751419697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470808188803403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305183280174845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960943641172976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19972885838025664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562436042819893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386279922661505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338141119940786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33305407903663786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,InadLeWolf,2018/03/24,"It fucking hurts so much (Content Warning) I live in a constant state of dissociation and emotional pain. It feels like I'm being squeezed and pressed down upon by iron. The world is like a fuzzy green screen and I'm on autopilot. My mood changes at the drop of a hat and I see myself stabbing myself repeatedly in my mind's eye. I cut myself again for fuck's sake. The medication isn't cutting the mustard. I can't live like this anymore. I'm not going to kill myself, there's too much to lose. But I wish I could go to sleep for a long, long time.",1.2847050147492602,3.5359063716814174,2.9108185840708,90.96557890855459,82.6283185840708,5.5365781710914455,23.57595870206489,6.816661863887847,0.7008825958702061,432,16,93,5,12,142,75,113,0.12,0.731,0.149,0.3215,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,12,5,0,8,0,5,6,2,0,0,10,15,6,1,2,2,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,0,7,12,3,14,13,2,17,0,2,4,2,0,7,2,0,9,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726956320060494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18909123295461966,0.0,0.0,0.19316262701613207,0.0,0.14271539357890084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106696277659053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038014453420988,0.12769730308424884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304985050282697,0.0,0.0,0.20317273188792645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135297566629053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977577077538924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619811083354057,0.0,0.3156747665426561,0.31637195751042696,0.0,0.1999728142353072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800693763160275,0.0,0.0,0.1804840952456908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628000687344991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902000221265049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243867451286274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887666406509373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422914826003044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555088944820907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ffj_,2018/03/24,"DAE Have moments where they want to talk but can't? Like someone asks what's wrong and you try to open your mouth to tell them, but it automatically closes again? Or it sometimes happens to me where I want to tell a joke and I can hear myself say it in my head but when I try to speak or even think about saying it, something stops me.",2.0994761904761887,3.754583614285714,2.951428571428572,94.68190476190478,77.14285714285714,5.238095238095238,20.238095238095237,5.46131890053228,-0.385761904761905,263,6,61,1,6,83,51,70,0.125,0.8,0.075,-0.6883,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,2,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,13,9,8,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,11,2,8,9,0,9,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,2,5,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21609964218507066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267634799035482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441047410686414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23723272908511764,0.0,0.26052959496933364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293113811778528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367649034344104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958577159377195,0.17795517049151666,0.2286191797810851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932567539168936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18579442468784998,0.40408103895694464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811542150082468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138794806380041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726835779637364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527327820930378,0.0,0.0 bpd,guyamassonora,2018/03/25,"DAE feel guilty when someone actually cares about you and treats you well? I’m dating the most wonderful guy right now and he is way too good for me. Sweet, kind, thoughtful, understanding, I could go on and on. Instead of allowing myself to feel loved and cared for, I just feel like the biggest piece of shit. He deserves someone better, someone who isn’t so fucked up. Someone who isn’t crazy and hasn’t been hospitalized 3 times already this year and doesn’t lose their shit over the smallest things. I want to hold onto him so badly because this is the first time in my life I’ve actually been treated well by a significant other, but I also want to push him away to spare him the inevitable hurt that would come along with being with someone as fucked up as I am. I hate myself so much. Why can’t I just go with it? I probably won’t find someone this good again, I don’t want to fuck things up. I’ll try to not hurt myself when I get home, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to help it.",5.0557352941176505,4.9117282009803915,5.5007843137254895,85.90352941176472,68.4607843137255,8.368627450980393,28.27450980392157,7.793537801064563,1.4474980392156862,779,23,171,8,12,250,122,204,0.189,0.652,0.159,-0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,2,1,3,16,23,6,0,6,0,17,7,2,1,0,33,39,17,0,6,6,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,11,11,0,1,8,0,0,4,9,10,2,1,3,4,22,13,28,31,3,25,0,3,0,4,13,11,5,3,10,112,33,0,0.10467889889393962,0.0,0.2043030104155667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551576793517952,0.08371167762603901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834927132949353,0.0,0.08740250813591173,0.06381128517133325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257997943120112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345422781053974,0.0,0.0,0.0901716024939774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357758296728475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878638958929794,0.07478262628566346,0.0,0.0,0.09567461717091053,0.08903981792394476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903218657624277,0.054690404209861015,0.0,0.11898286113519507,0.175599387871035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364856749804004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334874091838957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016405939211996,0.0,0.1050014705863418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412185257289036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900696477507928,0.05752878524240061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393780201161265,0.05114082246415935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710891203696833,0.0,0.0,0.09447679318885854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695103519552265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286155780794785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939520769963809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21490277087686294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321645480218117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390880181363026,0.0,0.0,0.08310335297531607,0.12207821550092395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107010104559774,0.0,0.0,0.10897442544823877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522698011318886,0.08308923754032971,0.0,0.0,0.18823780307204702,0.0,0.09445642449060354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351980054760842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436088638992168,0.0,0.0,0.06740977885518422 bpd,Carbhai,2018/03/25,"SO with BPD seems distant Hey! This community, by far, is one of the best on Reddit. It has helped me to understand more about BPD. So, I've recently started an LDR with someone who has BPD and I love her like anything and she says she loves me a lot too (hearing that is always a pleasure) but sometimes she acts so distant to the point where I feel hurt (I have anxiety and depression myself, and have abandonment issues too). I have read about how in BPD it happens and I know for a fact that its not intentional. But I love this girl so much, I don't care about anything and I want to support her and protect her and be there for her when she needs it. There's no one as wonderful as her and I really really want to support her at every step of the way. Is there any way I can make them feel better and how to cope up with it myself as well as show her support. Any insights would be really appreciated and Thank you for reading. ",3.427240601503758,4.579140521052633,4.670225563909779,85.75157894736844,72.73684210526315,7.954887218045112,26.72932330827068,8.418075326091056,1.6551954887218052,729,25,155,12,14,241,107,190,0.1,0.67,0.23,0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,2,17,16,0,0,7,0,13,3,0,4,1,35,34,24,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,10,14,0,2,7,3,0,2,3,3,1,2,0,4,27,13,25,31,4,14,0,3,0,3,22,7,0,3,4,117,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948538805935424,0.0,0.0,0.14626748519976082,0.0,0.08227101723479449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699942346046754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286100102438718,0.09511410379036052,0.0,0.0,0.5417926113026427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964847747428118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262766029343966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061062529722852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108755155867628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951009792671228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212101274061792,0.0,0.0720846090955816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512828841762256,0.0,0.0,0.11224820202437273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910347878771464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254066295613289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914302314629454,0.29118851294917386,0.0,0.07178658736950863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905735984529662,0.07974266025174542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457494638846297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166402862273158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514660230467494,0.0,0.2066867015131939,0.0,0.10618692145917914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552346288883797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790419893179066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112185011107322,0.0,0.10636396188319146,0.0,0.07612033698812276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36611964486363496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099012248651608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119573030395975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686470890359985,0.17072715746595646,0.0,0.0,0.09669514968929736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662709538156753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639631278261623,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,RIPpaulyshore,2018/03/25,"Anyone here ever lose a lot of weight very quickly due to an intense infatuation? I once lost fifteen pounds in a month because I was so into a guy. My heart was pounding for days, to the point where I actually had heartburn and could see it thumping under my skin. It was wild, and kind of like HEAVY drugs, and to this day (years later) I can not even look at anything that reminds me of that person because my stomach flips immediately and I feel I will vomit. I know its unreasonable, but I can't stop the sensations from surging through my body even though it physically hurts. Is this relatable? It's a nightmare and I have tried everything to numb myself short of actual heavy drugs.",7.5522077922077955,7.040464090909097,7.676406926406926,73.61318181818184,63.39393939393939,10.270129870129873,35.52380952380953,9.606745405546679,3.232080952380953,548,22,102,9,7,178,96,132,0.08800000000000001,0.862,0.05,-0.7734,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,0,0,7,0,10,10,4,0,1,14,15,8,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,9,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,5,15,2,15,8,1,16,0,3,2,0,2,7,0,1,10,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.3217495778735769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527051323893042,0.0,0.1356616939643729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098826762938926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311684303878245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162337639919955,0.0,0.0,0.21263579214321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823591368561176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777046666028266,0.14912086864008078,0.0,0.0,0.1481611265671761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335568774130543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323245933508934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535407749638206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648078535625206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167120949574255,0.0906000471048943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053987068756903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843675727283147,0.1844306793937356,0.1799588067538424,0.14015390375085812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158576144325604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17556529244923955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439451073781732,0.0,0.0,0.15584134759944746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136816428176362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782623844392727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196929065117224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192578594089682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602271573396482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074908955824391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616127411480428 bpd,supportNRAsupportBTC,2018/03/25,"Still care about my BPD ex very much. Want to support her progress. Not sure how to respond to her texts. We were in a long distance relationship for about 3 years. When I finally moved closer she had a meltdown, dumped me for another guy, etc... I suppose you've heard variations of this story before. I have a background in behavioral research & I tried my best to back off & not worsen her symptoms. I stopped trying to get answers after a couple of months. I found a support group for my own needs. For the past year she's been sending me a text about every 2 weeks. She says hi, I say hi, she enthusiastically announces how much she misses me ""as a friend"", I say I missed her too. I try to be very positive & nonjudgmental. We chat about normal everyday things for maybe 5 minutes. As soon as there's a lapse or dull moment in the conversation she insults me and blocks my number for another 2 weeks. She's holding her first long-term job & has even been promoted to middle management. Some of her unstable/abusive family members are no longer part of her life. She's stopped self-harming. I really want her story to have a happy ending. I'm not sure if falling for the same ""joke"" (for lack of a better term) every 2 weeks is encouraging unhealthy behavior. On the other hand completely ignoring her risks sending her into a spiral. I would like her to know I care about her. On my end I'm fine. The messages don't upset me. They seem silly. I'm really just trying to do what's healthiest for her. I don't understand the motive. She doesn't split THAT quickly (minute to minute) so there is some kind of motive... I'm just not sure what it is or how I'm expected to react.",2.722278468713565,4.9028011054216885,4.154244073066462,84.35383404586088,77.1024096385542,7.175437232802175,24.86630392537893,8.155646560271837,1.6094231247570927,1325,47,258,24,31,438,184,332,0.108,0.721,0.171,0.9696,1,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,2,0,1,7,20,25,2,2,17,0,17,3,1,6,3,42,37,12,0,8,9,1,1,1,1,1,2,4,0,1,7,4,0,5,7,2,0,4,8,8,0,1,6,5,49,17,43,29,11,36,0,3,0,0,44,9,0,6,24,168,56,6,0.0,0.11081838581124727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053611679805332,0.0,0.0,0.1961498350807541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191920556425965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958759360776317,0.0,0.0981545226195238,0.08272015459006399,0.0,0.0,0.1177984304554082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907212210552713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806498297025784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348975432119804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568057946605658,0.0,0.10431126649907474,0.061776034065051576,0.0,0.15760701375285902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817226126070384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024581257156274,0.0,0.07955702246416348,0.0,0.102551400377755,0.0722614567609546,0.0,0.048865842470776334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260993120924177,0.0,0.09956499016308766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281462069139862,0.0,0.0,0.09739765587536198,0.05140193417483275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606338054973568,0.045694293367628085,0.0,0.0,0.16554315459950086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396399042721523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465517805107308,0.09940815327419736,0.13751140508665602,0.06935170411725887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916400626310374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128445132216317,0.08928547568572945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198361071565536,0.0,0.0,0.10041678819650277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22313769849007145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851466832774265,0.0975727427898764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469360341537898,0.15639142500350506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122746779196976,0.2644542576509303,0.09721403461312456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062137529261445536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540043660127238,0.0,0.0,0.09736858200687508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434496788603855,0.11033346175094594,0.0,0.22507365250920355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644140618112362,0.0,0.0,0.12046119176180335 bpd,yearofthefakeoceans,2018/03/25,BPD Buddies? I’m so tired of feeling like I have no one to talk to. I can feel myself annoying my loved ones with my crap. I was wondering if anyone has had success finding a pen pal of sorts on here and if anyone would be interested in being friends with a 21 year old woman who’s losing her grasp on reality. 🙃,2.654090909090911,3.7844550151515186,4.9337575757575785,83.20063636363638,74.6060606060606,7.704242424242422,26.83636363636364,8.238735603445708,1.6970400000000003,245,9,52,4,5,86,55,66,0.17600000000000002,0.599,0.225,0.589,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,2,0,2,0,8,3,1,0,0,12,13,4,0,3,2,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,2,7,5,9,8,0,5,0,1,0,1,7,3,1,4,3,35,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35168104784409315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31673000565077397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543114868228666,0.17965721994576722,0.0,0.0,0.2298479819984147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19429267028217476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286032793973035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28134157106312524,0.0,0.0,0.2269703386567943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638857474928732,0.0,0.3408184427527344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212993800447532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890390368564246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272719116566934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864403518651906,0.0,0.0,0.16194474663165298 bpd,scrambled_meg,2018/03/25,"I just need help.. To make a very long story short: I’m a late-twenties girl from the US living in the UK. I got my BPD diagnoses last summer when I spent 6 months back in the States after multiple attempted overdoses and self-harming episodes. I’m married to a British guy. We got married when we were 22/23. I’ve always sought comfort and happiness in relationships. Although I fell in love quickly, he grew up a completely different way to me. He has lived a very “privileged” life. (Ex: parents still together, lived in the same place his whole life, no history of mental illness or understanding of what it entails, etc.) So naturally, when shit hit the fan and I spiraled out of control, I’ve had to deal with constant invalidation and a whole host of other things. This only serves to make my depression, anxiety, and BPD worse. I’ll be honest. I’ve never been the most faithful of persons. I crack the moment someone shows me the smallest amount of attention. It’s become extremely concerning to me - especially over the last year. I was unfaithful to my husband twice while drinking (and mixing diazepam - not a good combo). He knows and he has shown me an immense amount of grace.. but this past weekend, in the heat of feeling not good enough, I met someone else. We’ve been speaking for a week and of course.. he’s made me feel on top of the world! My husband and I are religious (him moreso than I) which makes this even worse as we are heavily involved in our small community church. I’m sick of the way I am living and currently, I am feeling slightly suicidal. I feel as though this is all I will ever be. A cheater. A liar. A fraud. I feel like I’m living two lives. BPD has well and truly taken ahold of me and I am suffocating. I don’t know what the hell to do. I just need help. ❤️",3.0981279294182507,5.13898182905983,4.357430383236835,83.98873449131514,75.43874643874643,7.605955334987593,28.131697454278086,8.460557738077197,2.124773660509144,1406,59,275,27,31,462,206,351,0.14300000000000002,0.765,0.093,-0.9759,3,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,5,0,0,3,13,15,3,0,25,0,19,8,1,5,3,44,44,23,1,2,6,4,5,1,0,1,5,1,0,3,11,17,1,1,9,3,1,2,5,4,1,2,11,6,35,11,38,29,9,43,3,1,0,1,27,16,2,2,23,170,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402880604588415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806055502639727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841118031057919,0.0,0.0,0.09825856826921207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361576203308181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328163707450772,0.09614319501162297,0.09978558548199147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09172247680880044,0.07662832164061102,0.09030101680146012,0.0,0.09295300454305257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715512621702758,0.0,0.0,0.07432165204208092,0.0,0.0,0.09192810286760293,0.09922324370667622,0.058762765413484026,0.08047697887171952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22492539046917973,0.06355901709631398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492448854786615,0.14231225638568326,0.0,0.0,0.08809266805436232,0.0,0.0947084779542246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926723817950433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778937238134673,0.1450421823967087,0.10036018990432223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568197335484296,0.04346544873808753,0.0,0.4713641729063528,0.07873420256547241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029742216537758,0.08418401728515049,0.17816122168063006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965918543948652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101369942423846,0.0,0.0,0.13193782934580925,0.06861788712666639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766444997305672,0.0,0.0,0.09878883964719756,0.0,0.08493037052244237,0.0,0.07768374387035337,0.09295300454305257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551872757245894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281340704510203,0.0,0.09132474724832138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076521239289906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105025050270779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973169501856217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910662784727885,0.0,0.08741096602020658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690916412574362,0.0926192046755309,0.1070179876375922,0.0,0.0,0.14681643582183293,0.0,0.14123789258676894,0.07136505519938427,0.0,0.07999324400514182,0.0,0.0,0.19866000256888336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813327276144732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729270954391151 bpd,grc21,2018/03/25,"Finally accepted that I am BPD. It's not easy to digest. About two months or so ago, with the help and encouragement of my family I started going to therapy after many, many years of mood swings, outbursts, self-harm and depression that I had pushed through somehow. A couple of weeks back, my therapist brought up the potential diagnosis and started talking me into DBT. I didn't want to hear it. I was so angry that she'd want to just plaster a clinical name on my struggle, because as much as it is comforting to feel like there's a name to this madness and actual therapy specifically for it... I can't help but feel sick to my stomach reading about my own behaviors, how hard it is for people around me, how difficult it is to get better. I was angry at her for putting that burden on me. Everything I feel is so _loud_. Small things feel like the end of the world, good things feel like I'm high on something, the actual bad things give me suicidal thoughts. I want to dial my feelings down, it feels like they're screaming into my ears and pulling my hair, consuming me, and I hurt myself to quiet them, or I push them out by lashing out at whoever is on my way. Anyone I get too close to has to deal with outbursts of anger, what I now understand to be idealization and devaluation, followed by victimization and guilt, followed by deep depressive episodes. I don't want to put anyone through that, so I shut them out instead, but it just makes everything worse it seems. So I try really hard to be be rational about these screaming voices and drown them, to be a better person, just to find that I can't contain them and let them explode. I've accrued all these instances where I've hurt people I love in this way, and I keep thinking of them and feeling so much guilt and shame. I know and understand what it is now. After a wake-up call from my boyfriend, basically laying down how much it hurts him every time I have an outburst, I've decided to pull some courage in and accept it and work on it. I can't keep doing this, it hurts me and everyone. I want it to stop, but I'm also scared. I feel so stable today, but when will the next set of screams hit me? What if I mess everything again? I really want to try. I'm not sure why I'm posting here anyway. To write about it, or for hope, or maybe to let everyone else who goes through this that they're not alone. ",6.99386299435028,5.902729247881358,7.305000000000002,77.71782485875707,64.78389830508475,10.917514124293788,34.49717514124294,10.125756701596842,3.186931920903956,1863,70,379,36,24,609,230,472,0.222,0.6679999999999999,0.11,-0.9959,2,1,1,0,1,2,57.0,0,0,7,4,33,38,3,5,12,0,26,7,3,4,2,83,67,40,2,9,15,0,12,4,0,1,3,8,0,1,36,26,1,4,19,1,0,10,8,21,0,1,6,20,54,16,68,52,6,58,0,6,0,1,24,25,0,9,23,257,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.14561530802796366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613640636500186,0.0,0.0,0.07727245758700442,0.0,0.05966481697092251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433674165330904,0.0,0.0,0.06641785766663333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736974126346987,0.0622954263803528,0.045480974200935866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197125382220715,0.0,0.0,0.09396746562267436,0.0,0.07618416478472477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255347625499476,0.0,0.0,0.07691863725601822,0.12852130210348026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062326273696354566,0.0,0.06608145836550351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286132841269197,0.14258425722749066,0.2011613649233125,0.0,0.07033475655709184,0.0,0.3395211208635052,0.21320283317562427,0.0,0.08173054911450095,0.06819130477549791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779602810452367,0.07157178318583575,0.042402032987688514,0.06257851732666965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367007825031668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408980294342057,0.0,0.10001772465411904,0.07882853999688788,0.0,0.07410360457545617,0.0,0.0,0.3194820529743172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263187374212268,0.0,0.0,0.04100317350442943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258558292265026,0.0,0.14580082008139725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733756548034513,0.0,0.049802109073394885,0.15128369882165396,0.07495480208100921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955221856478285,0.0,0.1645386722928033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934755333080924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103449019067456,0.0651457300690754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145483005541611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000537123052882,0.0,0.0,0.0746292235595171,0.0,0.09559291440518157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469665797990414,0.0,0.0,0.06792126179291537,0.07783349335277004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057437678898460076,0.0,0.0,0.10561731555430567,0.0,0.0,0.062376492606414126,0.0,0.07799756095834127,0.0,0.0816101728891781,0.0,0.07031813091938292,0.0,0.0,0.05996791482298393,0.0,0.0,0.17064386363029715,0.08662683814683245,0.14870077951411462,0.047806455955040635,0.0,0.059231238526748616,0.043505127304567376,0.0,0.07072063975886637,0.0,0.0,0.10130927228417083,0.0,0.07288218441317137,0.15534126977902402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640380453465544,0.11844235573067086,0.05984686616214969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673230478564271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431626482843323,0.0,0.07603297895616673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04804577128906881 bpd,DeepThroatCat,2018/03/25,"I'm killing myself till July I know it may seems hypocrate of me considering some ""advice"" I gave in this subreddit. I just can't take the loneliness anymore, it's making me crazy. I'm tired of being a burden in person's lifes. My life only gets worse, and Im losing everything because I can't just fix myself... How can anyone deal with being alone like this? I've got it all planned. Date, method, everything. I just need to be brave enough. And sorry for my english, I'm from south america. How do any of you guys find reasons to keep going? I've always been pretty optimistic but lately I just wanna die and unlike the other times, is not going away. I just wanna end the suffering. I'm in so much pain, I feel so alone, I just wish I had help.",1.7019956140350878,3.8317218750000066,3.500157894736841,88.01677192982456,80.25,6.158596491228073,20.00175438596491,7.3011,0.5790959649122809,583,15,118,8,15,195,102,152,0.2,0.6940000000000001,0.105,-0.9345,0,2,1,0,0,2,25.0,0,1,0,2,10,7,1,0,4,0,11,4,0,4,1,28,28,9,2,4,8,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,1,17,2,15,20,4,12,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,3,6,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062788501608262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192937158548303,0.0,0.0,0.1282602858272922,0.0,0.0,0.10482331174848984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286958274858492,0.10778117774098467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482350845648342,0.0,0.0,0.09396484663998016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891585614648715,0.0,0.0,0.15997729746034814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652596959836014,0.15927211823531787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27706965585797555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793991666841492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088496581231896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053395932177153,0.0,0.17520735194935844,0.0,0.12328316270183486,0.0,0.0,0.15262694871693766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033195783898872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650213949606854,0.0,0.0,0.13701040814001872,0.17053766999720887,0.0,0.08471359679047791,0.0,0.17388132174968887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177531516020786,0.07530704838469535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244788175293127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289242092208352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133136905411104,0.11429593834619765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723357646091995,0.1640202497049488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459273119669132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682002223725394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848586479924842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403270501587873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255176241094314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589722165835635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988269682100099,0.17716603153045668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17725817188362653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570860636281189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,NervousSponge,2018/03/25,"Will I get through this and how? In tired of lashing out at the people around me, being isolated and constantly thinking about my past. I wanna make it through this but my feelings feel so really. I'm so afraid that if I start getting better someone will come along and turn my world upside down and destroy me when I'm not on my gaurd. I envy people who can move on so quickly and just be fine with people just leaving. I hate the constant doubt and irrational cenarios in my head that make me so afraid to actually enjoy the moment I'm in. I just feel like when I'm in people's life it's just a chore and that they only. Are because at first they thought maybe I was something different. God man, I'm tired. Hopefully I'll get medical soon so I can start actually going to a therapist again because almost every one around me dosint wanna deal with it, mostly my partner. Even though I understand. Why can't they just try to understand and be there for me, it's all about them. I end up pushing them away because of this because I think they don't care or love me.",3.4268317373461024,4.9962666325581395,4.545143638850892,85.00195622435021,73.37209302325581,7.477428180574554,27.065663474692197,8.124751697461798,1.7245184678522576,846,31,168,13,17,277,122,215,0.15,0.764,0.086,-0.9376,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,6,2,24,12,2,3,5,0,11,6,1,3,1,42,38,20,0,4,9,0,3,1,1,2,4,0,1,2,11,15,0,0,8,0,0,4,3,5,0,2,2,3,29,7,29,31,2,32,0,0,0,1,11,15,0,6,14,120,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.22828100326858505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712307380323365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824644590495212,0.0,0.0,0.10989201913453747,0.0,0.0,0.2852019491859592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344561513876377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11925312597547112,0.0,0.0,0.10075457939553097,0.0,0.2527941928503037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058528681259392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220303139307398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359585003405998,0.0,0.0,0.07725396399899961,0.0,0.09854765485294706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742233091480406,0.08355947825157531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994899630954313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332740643610576,0.0,0.06647363359076455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547825073847967,0.12003934436055486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617216230490715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238485409939944,0.0,0.0,0.08261550130050795,0.05714295759202068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556504816488964,0.0,0.15614945403930788,0.0,0.1175065839613861,0.0,0.0,0.11782945113669972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431477692732762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925818751823516,0.08895678999190088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165587154713602,0.32435389080569443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493046816750945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910366035828122,0.09004500379754933,0.0,0.0,0.16557618209097574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580482567359364,0.0,0.14989228640763966,0.1149170495045026,0.09285676580878724,0.0,0.2688670248972058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941123303121232,0.12722381328245405,0.0,0.2435283858161505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554228889735134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,P4ULIEN,2018/03/25,"Intense feelings are gone I've been with a supernice guy for 5 months now and that feeling of super intense love is gone. I know I love him ofcourse. But the contrast is so big that I derive from this that it means I don't love him anymore. I'm used to intense feelings, especially in the beginning of a relationship. That is also a huge trigger for my bpd. I'm either super happy and in love or supersad. Now I experience neither of that, just a normal relationship, I feel like a 'nomal' person. But it makes me feel super empty because I don't have extreme feelings. I'm super scared all the time that I've 'fallen out of love', I think about it all the time since I've felt this empty. And thinking about it doesn't make me openminded to feel at ease with him. I watch every move, I think about every thought, it's killing me. I'd rather feel supermad, supersad, superhappy... Not empty like this. Does someone experience the same? He does make me happy though when I'm with him, I see him 4 days out of 7 almost. I love him. I'm just scared from my thoughts. TLDR; I've been in a relationship for 5 months. He makes me happy when I'm with him and makes me laugh. But the super intense feelings of love, happiness, sad, mad... are gone. I feel 'normal' or rather I feel empty all the time. It makes me scared that I've fallen out love. I think about it all the time.",1.8385024154589367,3.972039855072466,3.53144927536232,87.95074879227055,79.79710144927537,6.1178743961352655,22.903381642512077,7.2427474758485975,0.8657497584541072,1064,35,219,14,27,354,110,276,0.092,0.639,0.27,0.9954,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,5,15,26,2,3,14,0,11,8,0,8,4,58,57,14,1,4,11,0,12,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,17,11,0,0,20,0,0,6,5,6,0,0,8,14,31,20,28,49,7,27,0,1,2,8,22,9,0,3,14,129,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382014760983215,0.0,0.0,0.0589540302197899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731106452065762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493915951798152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284803154086604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754344069463889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902611588711493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242249232643772,0.0,0.0,0.14422503438780626,0.0,0.0,0.4100267196241876,0.052665737146676106,0.07078296837650819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299460426315335,0.0,0.31390616364885404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156049660989559,0.0,0.0405147028451539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203194771667412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5322829864293429,0.0,0.2952529003569789,0.0,0.0,0.08030292720793067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768554639611956,0.07835292299684604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446031908369736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436964921981164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374437693691692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142039088181711,0.0,0.05874546768200847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098212460195512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246289991170816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894775126507485,0.07242973806818379,0.11705123398814075,0.17194740351448468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367059718306324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OlympicApologizer,2018/03/25,"How do you survive a ''break''? My boyfriend of four years decided to take a break a week ago and since then I have started to get worst day after day. For the first days I was constantly harassing him with my thoughts and how bad I felt and it actually made him worst. He said he didn't want anything that involved feelings for now so I am trying my best to just talk about random things of my day. All my thoughts, I write them in a google document so at least they get out somewhere. I see this as progress but I still can't help but feel completely destroyed and everyday is like a mountain. What is so hard about this is I have no idea what is happening or how long it will last or if he will ever come back. It makes me want to quit everything in my life and just do nothing. I guess my question is, how can I get through this as healthy as possible? What can I do to ease things?",2.95247252747253,4.247301060439561,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076928,74.10989010989013,7.397802197802199,27.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.3758527472527478,691,26,158,10,14,217,112,182,0.134,0.789,0.077,-0.8298,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,5,15,7,2,0,6,0,18,1,0,6,2,36,37,21,0,3,7,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,5,0,2,7,6,24,2,21,28,5,26,0,0,1,0,14,4,0,6,20,113,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.14448571449274278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124672202450866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184119656834486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384940455744408,0.1236243539513969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538038646531308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275410321834907,0.15523864357934494,0.16000082814871158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819471597456303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392922156190915,0.0,0.0,0.13306725294613764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497277004051733,0.0,0.1421613230698543,0.0,0.0,0.12594020699818967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320665401479544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631053608692704,0.0,0.13092943335282192,0.0,0.1326331484227533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924184898069677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714231082878306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206890893170564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457952753550644,0.07233489372917794,0.0,0.0,0.13102890550476354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009844878653316,0.09883155020120718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420680670308424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691599552752648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658616733350982,0.1574805935552228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083946487228302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179850690297325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247719636326898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479800171654204,0.0,0.1182413265882452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132308850213744,0.11900544162808573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19672966773153366,0.0,0.0,0.23508703678829904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052337758271436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465986761885385,0.0,0.11876522234776572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534612379795812 bpd,talrwi,2018/03/25,"Friendships. I don’t even know where to start. Basically one minute I think were best friends, I’m obsessed with them, I want to live with them, and then all of a sudden I strongly believe that they hate me. I analyze everything and when they don’t message me back I start to freak out and I check fb messenger to see if they were active. If they were active I get angry with them and start fights with them because I think that I’m annoying them and they don’t want to be friends with me. My friends ask me why I don’t just ask them what’s up but it’s because I literally believe that they talk shit about me and show my messages to their other friends to laugh at how desperate i am. After blowing up on my friends, I usually snap out of it and forget why I was even mad in the first place and feel embarrassed. I’m only 17 and my family does not believe in mental illnesses. I’m exhausted from dealing with these things every day.",3.184834205933683,4.656162178010477,4.141445026178012,88.0499336823735,73.81675392670157,7.606422338568938,27.39301919720768,8.238735603445708,1.683175636998254,740,28,157,12,15,239,103,191,0.177,0.6729999999999999,0.15,-0.8176,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,13,3,8,17,5,2,2,0,10,3,1,1,1,31,28,15,0,4,5,0,1,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,9,17,0,0,4,1,1,0,5,9,0,2,4,2,36,8,26,23,2,21,0,0,1,0,25,10,1,2,11,108,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400647150295037,0.0,0.0,0.09872812950953633,0.0,0.1565372760008956,0.0,0.0,0.4339729099287248,0.13474304040342208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280440464258126,0.13237000923245762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235967100065178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696078882937734,0.0,0.10817865369425203,0.0,0.1153934975190479,0.0,0.12103974676301825,0.0,0.06492056701670494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921305311440113,0.0,0.0,0.4959897989466013,0.0,0.06708129193302596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676386581189572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705627484958689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337548165271008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939235416787995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700403913988057,0.0976504797871237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414585494891482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231450239585267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179602270893212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726367535964824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319935092386907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530019190555765,0.16454116302339158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140938248366364,0.0,0.15146185522377575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23171373763814798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jinsei1,2018/03/25,"Stop lecturing me I was diagnosed with BPD at least 15 years ago. I won't go into specifics but it negatively affected all aspects of my life. I have a sister three years younger. Every time I tell her how I feel she lectures me, especially when I have suicidal ideations. It pains me to copy her text message this morning but here it goes: ""I wish you could spend all the energy and emotions you put into people into future work or finding things that will occupy your time (hobbies, meet-ups). I say it all the time but you need to be happy without someone romantically. Unless you're willing to change that, things will never change. You not wanting or willing to change yourself positively is your fault. Not anyone else's and you cannot blame anyone other than yourself. Stop making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself. You'll never move forward with that mentality or attitude. Go get a gratitude journal."" ""I'm not just going to not even respond to anything you say anymore. I'm done with this. Vent and threaten all you want. I won't do anything anymore because my time and effort to someone who doesn't listen, appreciate, or care that I'm trying to help and I am done with this @#$%. I'm going to cancel your flight (for a cousin's wedding - I've been unemployed). Everyone baby's you and I'm not doing it because it changes nothing. You seek happiness from others when you should seek happiness in yourself. I'm done with this conversation. You don't listen to me anyways. Go seek happiness elsewhere or validation. You do nothing to make yourself better. You just sit in a pile of self-pity. Playing victim that there's nothing you can do to get better and be better. You have blinders (WTF?). I'm done with this conversation. Saving my time and energy on other things. I have more important things to do."" I've been suffering from depression and anxiety all week. I have BPD urges. I've been feeling suicidal. Yes, I shouldn't feel suicidal over men but it's the feeling of rejection and worthlessness. I know she is trying to be helpful but telling me that I'm the problem only makes me feel even more worthless. TLDR: Sister gives me support but she makes me feel worse because she thinks I play the victim, I don't do anything to improve myself (medication, therapy and socializing doesn't count?) and that people ""baby"" me. Whatever that means. I only have a handful of friends and she doesn't know them.",3.4717191075514866,6.113620125000002,4.526964149504199,80.26273455377577,76.91666666666666,7.1231121281464524,28.77269260106789,8.18289091462,2.3753994660564457,1931,86,332,36,46,628,207,456,0.175,0.677,0.149,-0.9564,2,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,0,19,1,5,10,23,2,0,10,1,43,5,1,6,7,79,82,29,3,8,20,3,8,0,1,9,4,4,0,1,28,23,0,2,12,2,1,8,18,10,0,1,8,12,57,13,40,61,8,33,0,5,0,0,49,9,0,5,17,229,85,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212849866201778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053616882663108933,0.0,0.13901628906617136,0.09801386967461856,0.0718131098033097,0.17302856409384818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817439592327462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596056961275995,0.0,0.0,0.17654595654900646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145905992810181,0.0,0.29657388471760443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055959308664582964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060366415297114485,0.07113751893920757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868961185135403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854926242260473,0.07883920542912536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258450204858244,0.0,0.05905189248757399,0.0669717809090904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480690551184546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405886894011391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414956700257842,0.0,0.07323583912131998,0.06723448823872755,0.19916221598158235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984385506526538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939565878142391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703671095006752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04950500047803755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713628012116684,0.0,0.0,0.07634602943288807,0.0,0.07060596308229819,0.07063189572160238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449211097599003,0.0,0.051969125965222115,0.1081118777604442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017530550772821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066096764348185,0.0745782320973197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717994363420099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706444333840267,0.0,0.07045747582925183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147307104680486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311673484253135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714455624796007,0.11877012609452794,0.0,0.0,0.07845741857504693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719287607044004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22999363569149675,0.07953466765130551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251944152301182,0.0,0.0801513692377362,0.0,0.1862525586910337,0.0449093547424781,0.0,0.0,0.2043434465289496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951698668479192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267905806927361,0.0,0.056220108539926254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059737201756514,0.06756202155516652,0.0,0.0510246651155344,0.0,0.07142533274754984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902683348343564 bpd,Theodorin,2018/03/25,"Complicated relationship with BPD girlfriend, she is recently pregnant, I'm not sure what the right thing to do here is This will be a long read, apologies. I wasn't sure where to ask for advice on this. I've been with my BPD girlfriend (diagnosed) for about a year and a half. She was someone I knew from high school, and one day when I was driving home from work I saw her begging for money on the street. I gave her some cash and she explained to me that she was homeless because of her abusive boyfriend. From then on I would give her cash and talk to her every day after work, and this eventually led to her asking to live with me. She moved in, and from there a relationship developed. Ever since then she has basically been in control of my life. When I get off of work, I have to come home immediately or she will rage at me. I had to give her the passwords to my email, social media, and phone, because she said if I didn't then it was proof that I was cheating on her. She does almost none of the housework and frequently leaves the house in a mess, which she expects me to clean up after. I also cook for her. Half of the time I sleep on an air mattress and not in bed with her, because she doesn't feel comfortable with me sleeping there. She gets angry when I ""waste"" money on buying things for myself, such as new hardware for my computer, but she spends my money on alcohol and clothes and shoes. A few months into the relationship, she started frequently inviting her ex boyfriend over to hang out. She said that it wasn't sexual, that they were just friends, that I was controlling and disrespectful to be suspicious of her hanging out with a friend. A week or so later I woke up in the middle of the night, and overheard her having a sexually charged conversation with a man on the phone. I confronted her about this and she exploded at me, eventually admitting to cheating and saying that the only reason she needs to have sex with other men is because I'm not fulfilling her needs, and that she has a right to discover herself sexually. She issued an ultimatum that if I couldn't accept this, she would have to leave me so that she could be free to explore herself and get her needs met elsewhere. I tearfully apologized and accepted these terms. Since then, it's basically been a half open relationship. She sleeps with other men, but I'm monogamous with her. I will often find her boyfriend's things laying around the house. A couple of weeks ago, she drops the bomb on me that she is pregnant. I know I cannot be the biological father, because we hasn't had sex in a long time. She broke down in tears, telling me that the men she's sleeping with are deadbeat assholes, that I'm the only person who has ever loved her, that without me she would be dead. She tells me that she wants me to act as the legal father of the child, because the real father is a piece of shit who would never be there or care about her or the kid, that I can give the child a stable loving home to grow up in. I told her I had to process this, but since then she's been acting as if it's already a done deal, that I will definitely be acting as the father of the kid and that's that. She's called our family and friends telling them that we're going to be having a baby together, and she's posted about it on facebook. She's also started floating the idea of marriage. I'm 31 years old, and this is the first woman who has ever shown romantic interest in me. Whenever she breaks down and becomes self-destructive, I'm always there to hold her, tell her I love her, tell her that everything will be okay, that I'll always be there for her. I'm always there to listen and comfort her when she talks about her broken childhood, or even when she has an emotional problem concerning other men she's sleeping with. I've never seen her as happy as she's been these past few weeks. It brings me joy to see her smiling as she talks about having a baby and building a family with me. I love this woman, and I would do anything to bring peace and happiness to her world. If I were to contest this and make a big deal about it, it would be like setting off a nuclear war. She would explode and likely attempt suicide again. It would cause chaos among our families and social circles. I would undoubtedly be made out to be a bad guy. Our relationship would fall apart. My question is, does it even matter that I'm not the biological father? If it makes her happy and I can keep bringing a smile to her face, what difference does it make? It's no different than if I had gotten her pregnant myself. Not to mention that the child will likely have a better life this way. If I can build a family with her, have a place in her life, and continue to bring her happiness, going along with this seems like a good deal. What is the best thing I can do for her and the child? Should I just go along with this? What is the right thing to do here? Thanks for taking the time to read.",6.363009964278997,5.887627507614216,6.594345741680769,80.27313545779285,65.80203045685279,9.651626245534876,30.93109607068998,9.049649993220411,2.327582816318857,3905,125,793,58,54,1258,361,985,0.08199999999999999,0.78,0.138,0.9968,1,0,1,0,0,2,101.0,4,0,2,9,36,40,6,0,62,1,87,20,8,9,9,138,146,69,3,26,23,6,1,4,5,17,5,4,6,15,66,59,2,4,13,3,8,19,17,10,0,5,32,8,145,31,130,82,7,119,0,1,3,6,161,49,1,17,50,590,211,10,0.0,0.05778294862608676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476562206291664,0.04323052037165625,0.052118921277265536,0.04883482012512407,0.0,0.053817486053477984,0.0780006422271394,0.1217384247018955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040132494351906266,0.0434144929655353,0.09118432426365564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071983718519627,0.17837372392432754,0.05386121049123952,0.0,0.0,0.05117975412132724,0.04313196233665503,0.0,0.0,0.12284497027112755,0.0,0.04979830729760529,0.0,0.049722951825484835,0.05009890085876388,0.0,0.04200992683840783,0.0,0.0,0.10939651408133053,0.03893784793301306,0.05396165188196783,0.0,0.06290356900188465,0.15083520095594358,0.0,0.04949921578534111,0.0,0.1019058476359915,0.0,0.0,0.1280334847220918,0.04990732418716515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054858236554694566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442254823643123,0.13234227533723092,0.04108974297055727,0.0,0.043830173436362994,0.0,0.18389920428370146,0.0,0.024658925962959943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044573718958926985,0.041482641244397385,0.0,0.0,0.113035757011739,0.0,0.07643891700070428,0.14035017629964705,0.08314914817524455,0.0409048815441873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828869197250057,0.0,0.20766080174997908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051526821481590566,0.14675698252846525,0.0,0.0,0.1125450909401637,0.0,0.05505393934257732,0.0,0.0509018644883994,0.0,0.043347871731158685,0.0,0.0,0.026802008529205675,0.0,0.0,0.10327804805330833,0.0,0.0,0.10334034997242032,0.09530371650293483,0.0,0.04306366590066482,0.0863175503559127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606266540761206,0.04614613417295619,0.09766048123177837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03892672038504549,0.051833422510239466,0.0,0.10848414530143123,0.07522687389190327,0.047101125640911394,0.0,0.0457661322317447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051174559131412466,0.0,0.033046941180854716,0.07418160567508908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655525359656163,0.0,0.04258295794504957,0.05095292381799575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046706944875652606,0.0,0.0,0.04666507072264159,0.0,0.0,0.05463211832940861,0.0,0.09756381837879442,0.055509470725470994,0.0,0.050142358028002584,0.048153219286147866,0.2617967258356445,0.0,0.12494463992974615,0.09278042546704417,0.038782836963402255,0.0,0.049356539860862136,0.03886234910528779,0.044397203491858384,0.050876402346600375,0.0,0.05006038171779813,0.12102594679942365,0.0,0.24401965931869185,0.09942711994510336,0.04132157114889887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903749028139276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334505509944036,0.0,0.0919278672152295,0.0,0.03666800184486635,0.11759532937546904,0.21313001789638325,0.044899677435025015,0.0,0.0,0.1619988251399734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853122839105538,0.0,0.0,0.04660059395071984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028765049704622937,0.03871033333761011,0.11735795648726237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047011297747268734,0.0,0.10651260881421763,0.0,0.0,0.3464389353719662,0.0,0.0,0.06281090275818671 bpd,ApprehensiveFinger,2018/03/25,"I'm so tired of feeling alone and no one understanding. Here I am, 7:15 a.m. crying in my room, alone. My thought are out of control. I just want a friend. I want someone to understand. I'm so tired of trying and trying and failing. I feel like one of those puppies that were kicked too much and now they'll do anything to get someone to love them. I just can't seem to keep people around me. I know I'm closed off, but I'll also tell you everything and anything. I'm tired of knowing I sometimes see people as my best friend, but I know I'm not their best friend, you know what I mean? I can't fix it. I don't even know how to make friends anymore. I've fallen down the rabbit hole and I can't get out. I don't know, I just want to be normal. I want to know what that's like. I want to be liked. I don't want to 'beg' for attention anymore. I just want someone to want to stay my friend. TL/DR: Made a throw away account because I'm tired of feeling alone.",-0.3025724637681151,1.7601388454106337,1.511914251207731,99.58497282608695,88.08212560386472,4.222946859903382,19.253019323671488,5.46131890053228,-0.4924169082125607,739,22,178,4,24,241,101,207,0.123,0.622,0.255,0.9804,0,3,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,3,4,13,12,0,0,3,0,13,5,0,4,0,47,49,13,0,9,7,0,3,3,5,1,4,0,1,0,6,10,0,2,16,0,1,2,8,1,0,2,3,4,28,11,26,43,3,13,0,1,1,1,12,9,0,1,4,102,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691402631440335,0.0,0.06927092800999654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180987362485994,0.0,0.0,0.14256370448935698,0.077111216803795,0.0,0.0,0.08138345195439994,0.0,0.0,0.05280346860416802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181807172970904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715302124571153,0.0,0.0,0.09514930109201658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721247381670461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778495330829358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131394816997266,0.06188218978210176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346165519900145,0.0,0.09051198495347014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699288663115357,0.0,0.0,0.3332331543015825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695620247078376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817899873941897,0.08196305689191558,0.057820311659556436,0.0,0.0,0.09435586114934116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367653558606602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487036701511863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173935094956477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010444205366184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902586723151577,0.07885667089698982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018153942732985,0.0,0.08567056397005332,0.0,0.0,0.09232665477692867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571073111668704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876754288761036,0.0,0.3982332252182127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762019333038487,0.0,0.0,0.18035141080024408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087313397221466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,helpmethruit,2018/03/25,3 years and I’ve become too much for her. She’s about to walk. While I’m still clear thinking please give me advice how do I do this I’m absolutely going to meltdown. I’ve tried the hardest I could and it’s not enough. How do I cope. I have such a busy job how do I stay on it I can’t lose my job too. I’m going to lose my friends too. Where do I even begin please advise. ,-2.4040518783542018,-0.6510063604651162,0.4365116279069774,103.71573345259395,100.97674418604653,3.111270125223614,12.429338103756704,4.713530739802397,-1.679605366726297,287,5,76,1,13,98,54,86,0.069,0.8009999999999999,0.131,0.5994,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,1,9,16,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,12,1,6,15,2,10,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,47,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745936339001607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231691937506846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613355520669307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879116153803345,0.0,0.1334645844213562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611790951369414,0.0,0.0,0.1938428750603563,0.2296807936556829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010443521110158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521267618576054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854387150979362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436218833640079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215378531791768,0.16137246247095782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294775742097945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719150016736326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012572869650887 bpd,SkoomaPumaaaaa,2018/03/25,"Hey guys. I was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago and I need help dealing with it until I can afford therapy. What tips or tricks do you guys have that help, if there are any? I’m looking for another job so I can afford help beyond diagnosis. I’m in my thirties and it hit me really hard when I found out but I’ve gotten better since. I quit caffeine and alcohol but usually use cannabis to get myself in a decent mood if I really need to. But that doesn’t even seem to help as well as before. I also have depression and anxiety (I am medicated) so quitting booze and caffeine have helped. I’m looking for new ways to think or little things to do. Anything to try and get by until I can get to a therapist. I just don’t trust myself anymore. Everything I feel or do feels so fake and unreal that I stop before I even start things most of the time. I’m trying so so hard to keep my head down and push through it all. Things will be better soon. It’ll be ok. I’m just so tired though. I thought I had such a good handle on myself after all these years but the BPD diagnosis hit me out of left field. Especially because it makes so much sense and I didn’t figure it out myself. I’ve always been very different and bubbly on the outside and easily pick up skills but I feel nothing when I do my art now. All because I don’t trust what I feel or think anymore. I feel so disconnected from anything and don’t know what to do anymore. I know the therapy is going to help a lot, but I just need some swimmies until I can reach the edge of the pool. Are there any simple things I can do? The small stuff can make a big difference so please hit me with what you got. Even if you don’t have any advice, thanks for listening. Just finding this subreddit has helped a lot.",1.59195694716243,3.5927290958904123,3.3807045009784744,89.39904109589041,79.95890410958904,6.691976516634053,21.38747553816047,7.760100539840176,0.8485475538160472,1380,40,297,23,35,461,175,365,0.068,0.795,0.13699999999999998,0.9773,4,0,1,0,3,0,31.0,0,3,0,5,28,12,1,0,14,1,34,6,1,4,3,65,72,43,0,6,17,0,7,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,20,18,2,2,14,2,0,2,6,3,1,0,8,10,39,8,38,57,9,33,0,1,2,0,15,14,0,12,16,204,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007041294578023,0.07263449707761746,0.08756849565207032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552705555233157,0.0681802977558808,0.0,0.0,0.16716518041429745,0.08592079804698417,0.0626835573202963,0.0,0.24378614788798386,0.0,0.0,0.13485859150713506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989921948445073,0.0,0.13944910133832736,0.0,0.0,0.14493780622394342,0.0,0.0,0.2064000747029724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447611293169811,0.07057444345045921,0.08316695273143135,0.0,0.17121885021679129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236096690660054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364201441494249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715557786439606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489129512267967,0.0,0.0,0.08984252428930088,0.0,0.0,0.12843015179489006,0.0,0.04656815376589768,0.0687270352852274,0.06553457047972068,0.0,0.0,0.1622661409487996,0.0,0.0,0.1468035450014317,0.0,0.08409365253829758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844566306116041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131239342566815,0.07283166696836953,0.0,0.0,0.09006370469069068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902759753903998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082124989257899,0.0,0.0,0.13761722674296026,0.0,0.0,0.13932420790080224,0.0,0.0,0.1093906169012812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254551018627489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540339403137505,0.0,0.0602350221744687,0.18227148938116636,0.0,0.07913776062155227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862324056861042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994505700542756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430566700526498,0.0,0.0,0.10498519111673997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459471964621713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778127045078819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799725914677616,0.0,0.0,0.0685051610595245,0.0,0.0,0.09380121956506217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543895982289665,0.18741011033715885,0.09513817227222376,0.21774807409298005,0.10500715343357922,0.08050522504297787,0.06505087678836215,0.04777963024820733,0.09417749776606213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126319747475973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076949180760488,0.09024487520669093,0.06760873803357978,0.0,0.06503982763824681,0.0,0.0,0.07367352637497558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052766405465514865 bpd,vidoxi,2018/03/25,"DAE write a lot of posts that they end up not actually posting? because it would just be too hurtful and embarrassing if it got no comments or upvotes or worse if it got downvotes and people being critical. i do this all the time, even when ive spent like an hour or longer writing the post. i even do this on my personal blog which is extra dumb cuz thats what its for. i was writing a different post to leave on this subreddit about how anxious it makes me when my fp hasnt messaged me in a while but i ended up not posting it, even though im sure there are people here who can relate to it. i never forget when my feelings have been hurt so it makes me really cautious to put myself in a position where i could be hurt.",3.936599999999999,4.530945460000005,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000003,71.06666666666666,8.133333333333333,28.333333333333336,8.238735603445708,1.7783333333333338,569,20,120,8,10,190,103,150,0.16399999999999998,0.792,0.044,-0.9392,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,15,7,1,1,7,0,15,0,0,4,3,26,21,16,0,4,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,16,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,5,0,0,5,1,15,2,12,11,3,22,0,3,0,0,8,7,1,6,10,95,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.12404224375550413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359953145923854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748583805470352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148798980334443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280420175731042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251656773536164,0.0,0.0,0.251867344971361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427126714849883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332495654649552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517897641021486,0.0,0.4082256655626359,0.0,0.13730196214958398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345924600889005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062100135999492524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806543901158057,0.0,0.0,0.16969549251055185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803603198118738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762458715806024,0.110988640388093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6086872024155549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277819143797635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143072147105218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980084860663845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248861575181494,0.0,0.07411959194140573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953722293162725,0.09029618483537727,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jjayray,2018/03/25,"Just a thing I wrote on my past relationships (Trigger: BPD Male sided relationship. ) I need to feel wanted, I want to feel needed. It why I’ve only dated those that are insecure. If they’re down in the dumps I’ll find a way to be that White Knight, I’ll make them fall head over heals for me. They’ll be in love, I’ll be in love, things will be grand. Then it always happens and they’re no longer the apple of your eye, the pedestal is no longer 12 feet off the floor. There’s always someone else, there’s always the next one. You’ll feel purpose and you’ll feel good about you. You’ll make the next one feel like a princess. She’ll be your last one; you’ll be wanted, you’ll be needed. * (Just a synopsis of my past relationships in the last 5 years) (I’ve learned my mistakes) ( not just my mistakes as woman’s romance novels are kinda hard to compete with)and am now in a loving relationship where she’s patient and kind with me and what’s important.)",3.1612307692307686,4.5079098410256435,3.8820512820512825,90.3846153846154,73.66666666666667,6.635897435897437,23.256410256410252,7.03164865440522,0.5900871794871794,749,20,163,7,15,238,107,195,0.057,0.7829999999999999,0.16,0.9687,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,8,2,1,8,12,1,1,12,0,19,7,3,3,0,30,37,7,0,9,5,0,6,1,0,8,1,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,4,0,3,1,8,21,8,19,21,0,24,0,0,2,3,22,12,0,2,11,91,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28552638087632065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406084133364064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555195903592634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28917631814860617,0.08171493005177137,0.0,0.0,0.10454359572752464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593867191961908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114812789295784,0.0,0.10246431467673624,0.0,0.11738951502725915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911184380882278,0.0,0.18647412012591785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558815454606465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097042025825433,0.0,0.15270250582499034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25443967643107085,0.0,0.0,0.2432943192594529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23252576672092845,0.08699309789767931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21838220927789911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912162899177587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969159794137272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198139243775616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023974079999883,0.09079155909458472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321247733004267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365862416913761 bpd,colourfulsoul369,2018/03/25,"Feel Like I Hate My Mother I just really feel like I hate my mother. She neglected me emotionally as a teenager by not taking my claims of being bullied seriously and I endured all that torment because of her ignorance. She doesn't believe me that my sister or Dad bully me, which is extremely invalidating. She didn't stand up for me when some family friends directly went against my wishes because she's too much of a coward. Now she completely shoots down my claims that my other sister might be on meth or that her ex partner might have been abusive toward the kids. She believes my sister instead of me and then all this time still expects unconditional support from me in her decisions. I really hate her right now. I feel really hurt by her and I want her to listen to me and stand up for me for once but because she's not gonna do that I don't want to speak to her ever again really. I've used DBT on and off a lot. I learned it with a therapist and by teaching myself. Now I have no therapist and my social worker uselessly stopped replying to me. I wish I had someone to work this through with. I dont know if skillscan do much as this stage .I'm at a loss for how to not let this relationship make me lose my mind. Update: after venting this, I feel that I can think a little more clearly. I wrote an email to my mum informing her of the latest invalidation and how it's made me feel, asking her to apologize. This took a lot of courage as half the time when I do this it just leads to further invalidation i.e. of the why do you make such a big deal of everything type. I'm proud of myself for telling her what I need even if I can't control how she will react. I've also decided that when I've settled down in a new place (hopefully by in two months time) I'm going to go to a counselor just so I have an outlet for my feelings about this relationship. ",3.693186958160574,4.927681717678102,5.162807199396912,82.15640831134566,72.19261213720317,8.369430833019225,27.78373539389371,8.841846274778883,2.0686727478326423,1477,54,301,28,28,497,192,379,0.104,0.8190000000000001,0.076,-0.8590000000000001,0,0,1,1,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,7,22,17,3,0,16,0,22,0,0,10,4,64,56,25,0,9,11,8,6,2,2,4,0,2,0,2,21,10,0,4,12,0,0,5,9,10,0,2,7,8,64,7,53,42,8,44,0,5,0,0,42,17,0,10,21,225,85,6,0.0,0.115714521113801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810095518219674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130159213172212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786031219759401,0.0,0.0,0.2200652026331565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239765233328946,0.0,0.109537203789609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006861220061335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144601465065449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098575743019155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450539904382717,0.08834164967278267,0.0,0.0,0.08777308271931747,0.0,0.09206785419778042,0.0,0.2962876637655407,0.13954073576293538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545408465271877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100810984199974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28926557004370235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700125792068524,0.0,0.0,0.10455011331478473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053672954662007166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986689290523616,0.0,0.09542628212749106,0.09788384433430164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925976100125448,0.0,0.1660589450469889,0.0,0.09241096108872038,0.13038143704071598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720972536729168,0.0986116497208855,0.0,0.07795356441628211,0.0,0.14358688110103598,0.07241577443677355,0.0,0.09432340036379594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400776029332792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203690395068467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502613199109667,0.0,0.0,0.2097067282271312,0.0,0.08340355023396231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995549884847686,0.08274942575370796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799368747525587,0.08165052539841643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082665805068584,0.0,0.0,0.07343031767269698,0.0,0.08536164575278105,0.0,0.0,0.2267882194955325,0.0,0.06257841829606073,0.0,0.0,0.17084400004775102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850703278323684,0.0,0.0,0.0954024248697144,0.0,0.0,0.08434935556532756,0.0,0.0,0.11520817232516314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053445119804912,0.08812554215872596,0.0,0.22461494219189052,0.0,0.0,0.07109972644510408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lazorrarubia,2018/03/25,"y'all relate to bad guys? i relate SO MUCH to doki doki literature's Monika. i don't believe in kin or whatever... more power to you if that's your thing, but i do genuinely relate to monika. the obsessiveness, the compulsivity to get rid of people you deem a threat to your relationship... (please note i've never killed anybody and never would!!! it's just a... personality/coping thing... also i'm drunk) anyone else??",1.9562025316455696,4.717659620253169,4.817582278481017,74.59371518987346,85.70886075949367,6.704303797468356,19.292405063291138,7.908726449838941,1.3200572151898728,326,9,56,7,10,116,57,79,0.14,0.7979999999999999,0.062,-0.7336,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,0,1,3,4,2,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,8,5,6,1,2,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,8,0,8,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412632120223054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847934780640465,0.2615376179757862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312620838077787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875835521687032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132317437608239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335954233641306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252741330495984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824004409255181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18764086651489376,0.0,0.3937348356281989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696080174443804,0.0,0.0,0.280191951890467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740469874183953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391584814762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132493112753248,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LIN2058183,2018/03/26,"New here. I need to know how to get DBT. Hi. So I’m 2014 I was diagnosed with bipolar, now I have borderline personality disorder which makes sense. I can see it all the way back to adolescence. Anyways, it is really destroying my life and my marriage. I have a 5 year old and I am about to be a single mom with no money and no employment because I not only deal with BPD, but also bipolar. I am extremely scared of abandonment right now that I’m doing everything in my power to stop it like clean the house, find a job, be nice, etc. I have researched where to get DBT but I’m fucking lost. I have no idea where to start. Any ideas?",1.3230769230769257,3.4029833076923097,3.46846153846154,88.00653846153847,81.30769230769229,7.384615384615384,23.07692307692308,8.384062270229773,1.4640769230769233,490,17,106,11,13,167,86,130,0.188,0.736,0.076,-0.9227,3,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,11,7,2,1,5,0,12,5,0,2,1,19,24,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,2,1,13,2,13,20,3,13,0,2,1,1,5,4,1,0,9,70,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071137208670034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965562266836635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352987475579785,0.0,0.1072607041897468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216095127840617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814021652426795,0.0,0.1785909031386816,0.0,0.0,0.20165999241050245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962366464254285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813725802587836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081993621163562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266781902160365,0.1838587407296696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302876637473152,0.0,0.3972641825749814,0.0,0.0,0.17460846287289408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670041905146726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124282416326735,0.08596286088926525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207597105276225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174515142474014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607669475820486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046860896833398,0.0,0.16993870374710038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463546518871046,0.0,0.0,0.13382191761626924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363736166452668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272145655181445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502648458388903,0.0,0.0,0.17616192872535974,0.0,0.14021357540091486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454205126450894,0.0,0.0,0.14710649099756626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966510947453312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330942998355994 bpd,AlyonaO,2018/03/26,Help! Want a suggestion! Hi! My name is Alyona I am 23 years old European girl who moved to USA a while ago. Since then I am very depressed. My American husband is convinced that I have BPD but I am not 100% sure about that however I red some posts here from people with BPD and many of those stories suits to me... Right now I am living alone with my dog because my husband works away. I feel kind of lonely and upset freaking out I really might have bpd... I wish I could make some friends here! Since I don’t really have friends at the place I live. he suggests me to go to psychologist and take pills to regulate my mood swings. Does anyone with bpd take pills? And does everyone has suicidal attempts? I have never cut myself in adulthood.,1.3687747336377427,3.950034294520549,2.52538812785388,91.40359208523591,86.1917808219178,5.984170471841705,21.80974124809741,7.3871296695380915,0.9403558599695584,581,20,118,10,18,185,98,146,0.161,0.722,0.118,-0.8716,1,3,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,2,4,11,1,1,3,0,14,2,0,1,2,21,21,7,1,3,2,2,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,0,2,21,5,16,19,2,16,0,2,1,0,12,6,0,3,7,72,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201938347070883,0.0,0.0,0.13088121254110552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836084477316895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187287782379,0.0,0.0,0.07703398127679488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6366343830212864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089616506194343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884229893766297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117448350338026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075195391705355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389647081906731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526630262974626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181898524953809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847031496545482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159491241991306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231740567871515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435295868895118,0.1281193491043532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340586037443179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431131485016018,0.0,0.0,0.09746433724777434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260406106618725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760904903595074,0.0,0.1320297572884202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121027531563126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191172040311058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791929260911994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090691457158424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382282732679806,0.0,0.11910223287502693,0.0,0.1900290315477123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426848751580414,0.074536302263176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531926760185107,0.0,0.0,0.09199886768768596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137813912163598 bpd,idkwhaat,2018/03/26,What were the main signs that made you and/or your psych(s) realize you have BPD? I’m in an awkward in-between phase with therapy and I’m just wondering about other people’s experiences. ,4.858190476190472,7.198496342857148,5.48,76.55333333333336,71.28571428571428,9.23809523809524,31.666666666666664,9.725611199111238,3.451952380952381,152,7,26,4,3,49,31,35,0.051,0.949,0.0,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977337231790024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865761187940036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739426550640242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739781533877824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519394293521463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285716504568145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,morningsarecool,2018/03/26,"recent growth reflection Its weird to say that im in a really good relationship because ive never been able to confidently say that. Part of what makes it so nice is that so many bpd triggers have come up and instead of keeping my reactions to myself, feeling so painfully tortured, ive shared whats going on with him. I cant spit it out right away. I usually cant say anything for a hours or even days. But as humiliating as it is, I have told him things..like that I got so weird and quiet when he said that he was going to dinner with his brother because I was afraid he didnt prefer to be with me or liked me less. even though I knew that wasnt true, and theres nothing bad about spending time without me, I have this uncontrollable reaction to shut down, feel weak and inferior. Ive told him that I imagine stabbing myself whenever I see a girl I think is better for him than me. There's been several other times where I have mustered up enough courage to spit out something painfully vulnerable- and it has had this transforming effect bringing us closer and making me feel like im safe to be me. I trust him, and not hiding this level of crazy is so freeing. BPD is fucking with me in other ways right now, but for once in my life the whole ""unstable/short/shallow relationship"" thing is not one of my curses. So thank you A, you're healing me. ",7.6071359636673295,6.017224712177121,7.866937269372697,75.78980698268523,63.87084870848709,10.7000851546977,35.23729775759296,9.466822959209583,3.0372296906045984,1071,39,214,16,13,352,153,271,0.085,0.794,0.121,0.8225,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,2,16,23,2,2,5,0,25,9,2,4,2,37,44,21,0,1,7,1,3,2,0,0,5,5,0,1,20,14,1,2,9,0,2,5,8,11,0,1,12,9,36,13,34,30,4,31,0,1,1,1,22,16,1,2,11,151,56,0,0.11720169386551768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644700781981408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101148494304937,0.0,0.097858518859684,0.1428901295072532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365537392942284,0.0,0.0,0.2952228611676487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095888151794592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558539668903999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110067975067527,0.0,0.15482122688534813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778209380585247,0.08372891351553156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835107741573664,0.0,0.0,0.13321684707573744,0.09830322021769397,0.09373690116274673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154200599741415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531958825728042,0.0,0.0,0.10417425060021906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827830224430836,0.11451765507293092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646608148260185,0.11882412204638752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039317156432786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245818621112763,0.0,0.0,0.1248159789172807,0.07941890096695266,0.0,0.24942173121347086,0.0,0.0,0.12691801323466467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508240621113993,0.0,0.11572253337449805,0.2516615154041408,0.0,0.20017921236395295,0.11148564978394676,0.2796104732802008,0.0,0.0,0.09339457585635967,0.0,0.0,0.13240455393220038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022758989437064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790357316719572,0.0,0.0,0.07786359760284157,0.0750981130320422,0.11515006915736885,0.0,0.13668250040807728,0.0,0.0,0.2239824821135032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097920705626887,0.0,0.12908110766227845,0.0,0.0,0.09302924930064194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085150568706602,0.0,0.1129782505341602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,OveremotionalYam,2018/03/26,"Can't control my emotions. Help I am very volatile. This isn't unique or anything, but one of the main issues is anger. I get so angry so fast and it scars me. My doctor is dismissive and invalidating and it's crushing me. Anyone have any tips for controlling emotions, specifically anger? I am on a mood stabilizer and I feel it doesn't help at all.",1.3115942028985508,3.944604797101456,3.1333333333333364,86.25333333333334,87.98550724637683,5.965217391304349,23.608695652173914,7.3871296695380915,1.2702,277,11,55,5,9,92,50,69,0.274,0.7020000000000001,0.024,-0.9693,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,2,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,1,10,10,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,8,0,4,10,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,37,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16338117119385348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16799140151406886,0.0,0.1977088282205272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5389312814891835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459104693244101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405075285064098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147979925105187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552296216741834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220748026946042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507630822544049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280254000282754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982349693068007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Littlelionlady92,2018/03/26,"Anyone else feel like you're asymptomatic when you're single? For the most part, when there is no romantic element to my life, I'm mostly asymptomatic - that is, I don't experience borderline behaviours, just the occasional distorted thought pattern. (I have a comorbid diagnosis of MDD so I still get depressed and that sometimes exacerbates bad behaviour.) But generally, I exist without BPD symptoms while I'm single. And this is really cosmically cruel because while I'm single, I crave a connection. Then once I get it, my emotions flare, I act insane, and I ruin a good thing. Right now I'm dating a wonderful, kind, compassionate man who likes all of me and who I feel I can be myself around. But every once in a while something happens that makes me feel crazy and like I'm definitely gonna fuck it all up. I know there are a lot of borderlines out there like me. I don't want to be alone forever. I want to learn to balance this thing, whether I'm single or partnered. Any advice?",5.04568372803667,6.698345550802145,6.278109243697482,73.84220588235296,69.42780748663102,10.048739495798321,31.538961038961038,10.290406445055957,3.54483834988541,786,34,140,22,14,264,115,187,0.168,0.6859999999999999,0.146,-0.5181,0,1,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,10,12,2,0,8,0,10,3,0,1,2,29,30,16,0,2,6,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,0,2,11,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,3,19,7,13,26,10,15,0,2,0,1,5,5,1,5,13,94,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262159138230807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175993916044046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621075009657184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920776631851488,0.1600293782918885,0.0,0.13903723203347773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304074530037244,0.09520856265529516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670878857541246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452139778051994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047202788739612,0.17568643196771772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159209603411962,0.0,0.0,0.15277831595269573,0.0,0.0,0.23691458151061265,0.11157816898890316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438996421206626,0.16319980899545253,0.0,0.0,0.13100006744466575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811335211082382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626420218271063,0.0858348635281009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031766303587752,0.30521524126955674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278239455502022,0.0,0.0,0.10425430205456312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33266258460559944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691324888123189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005572814182068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338062711793972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202383842091543,0.15447036857751914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472906629883652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233539706214326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075239552655183,0.0,0.0,0.12399297032447112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424321543550554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055619141448426,0.1693753230958123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HairyRelative,2018/03/26,"How was your childhood? What experiences growing up do you think contributed to BPD? Sometimes I take a hard look at my childhood and try to find something positive about it and I just can't. I wonder what sort of experiences lead up to my severe mood swings, anger, lack of emotional control and just BPD overall. I can't recall any severely traumatic experiences like sexual abuse. I was just really neglected and treated like shit. Things that were supposed to be a positive experience, like going to a fun amusement park with family, were really awful. I remember when I was about 12 years old we went on a family trip to an amusement park, and I can only recall feeling so much anxiety and tension because my step dad was so mean and angry. I was treated like a second class citizen around my step family. When I wasn't being treated like shit, I was basically a ghost to them. My step dad would always get in my face and yell at me like a drill sergeant, slap me so hard my glasses would break. When he would hit me, he'd use the excuse he did it because I ""rolled my eyes at him"" (I really didn't), because my mom could hear from the other room. He just wanted to hit me, and made up an excuse to do so. One time it was his birthday and he was blowing out the candles. Right afterward, I said ""I want some cake!"" and he yelled at me for being inconsiderate and sent me to my room. My biological dad was mean too. He would hit me for screwing up in a video game when we were playing together, or if I accidentally spilled a drink. My mom and step dad always hung out in their bedroom and watched TV. I wasn't allowed in there. If I knocked on the door for something or even wanted to just talk, they would yell at me and act like I was annoying them. I had no one to talk to at all. I don't think I'm over any of this and I don't know how to get past it. Now I'm crying at work after writing all of this. I'd like to hear anyone else's experiences because it would make me feel less alone. Thanks for reading. 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I'm new to therapy and I missed my second appointment. I had a hard week and I would have loved to talk someone but I fucking missed it. I'm soooo fucking angry and confused at the moment I just can't handle myself at the moment. What do you guys do if don't know how to feel and all the emotions just rush through your body?,1.880125,4.098388762500001,3.207500000000003,89.87750000000004,80.125,6.0,23.75,7.1686216300943375,0.9727500000000004,311,11,63,4,8,101,51,80,0.215,0.755,0.03,-0.9167,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,4,8,2,1,4,0,7,4,1,1,1,15,18,7,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,2,1,2,9,1,8,16,1,10,0,3,0,3,5,4,2,2,5,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584019600299292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616799429352335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762584333891253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301294889109784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034247823811355,0.0,0.0,0.20839278097110844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784858761326678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995966663526644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467765360285166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986666500194024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710853026522795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698097139732275,0.0,0.0,0.5320704493189442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866035396280851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525525888586212,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skawithhorns,2018/03/26,Brain fog Does anyone else with BPD feel like they can’t think clearly or like everything is foggy up there? I feel like it even effects my speech I talk slowly and can’t think of what to say fast enough.. it never seems to go away but it gets worse when my depression does,3.821249999999999,4.870241482142858,3.7771428571428594,92.91785714285713,71.67857142857143,7.028571428571429,21.142857142857142,7.1686216300943375,0.28044285714285744,217,4,48,2,4,66,44,56,0.14800000000000002,0.738,0.114,-0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,2,12,10,4,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,3,6,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,6,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498241930520114,0.21245234846206815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948101057008955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611473252101807,0.2314687451274015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858837659634974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629029553668939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321250028683494,0.0,0.0,0.21424572929712607,0.0,0.13695128191277664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635085394448114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968257938669166,0.2962586531524572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833067984055993,0.0,0.1178405464575682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038990191344487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991942411183424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489131162149714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876167112290665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665832637584013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26572022598903977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130514642052545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Walter-O-Dim,2018/03/26,"What are some little things that help you guys feel a little bit better while living with BPD? I'm talking about supplements (like how fish oil and st. john's wort are commonly recommended for depression), or activities/habits, certain diets etc. Any of those little things that help you to feel like a healthier person overall. I've got the mental side covered, as much as one can, but I'm looking for other lifestyle tips that people have found to really help them over the years. Apologies if this isn't worded/formatted correctly. edit: I read that magnesium is really awesome for BPD, but there is so much info about the different types and brands on the internet. I'm not sure which brands are even legitimate, and I don't want to buy pills that are basically filled with crap.",7.057210727969348,7.869132268965519,6.969195402298851,73.79256704980844,64.24137931034483,10.582375478927203,30.59386973180077,10.504223727775694,3.2407777777777778,629,21,109,15,9,200,102,145,0.049,0.821,0.13,0.8754,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,1,1,6,7,1,0,6,0,10,3,1,1,3,20,19,12,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,5,1,0,4,1,1,1,3,2,0,1,2,4,5,5,15,17,5,10,0,1,1,0,10,6,1,3,5,66,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280202013125353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369918815885634,0.16504047208031114,0.0,0.380791225459517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020406531488882,0.0,0.0,0.1579423745113657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859653751691106,0.0998475600426808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287402675464593,0.10799717697291604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575209564110988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090591264973287,0.0,0.0,0.14968386700295674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039818490873857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770982856645468,0.454541627642851,0.13348748487545914,0.0,0.12694625351082148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234563653624014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222573605402557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243793622296864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480350428269958,0.13199740049428454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512127272243015,0.0,0.19368907515162487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14247764940439875,0.0,0.0,0.12150618100838635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20086367724100804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891650549733716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734969441858346 bpd,Eli_123,2018/03/26,"I don’t want to cheat, but I feel that I can’t help it I’ve tried to post this for a couple of hours, but I felt like every other sub would judge me. I love my boyfriend, he has been my biggest support since my diagnosis. Our relationship is awesome in every way, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. But I I feel the need to flirt with other guys, I want the attention, the looks, to feel desired. I hate to feel this, HATE it. ",3.083548387096773,3.2175508494623704,4.538870967741938,90.12830645161293,72.76344086021507,7.490322580645162,24.10215053763441,7.1686216300943375,0.6435892473118283,331,8,80,3,6,111,58,93,0.133,0.606,0.261,0.9004,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,0,18,22,4,0,6,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,6,15,4,11,18,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,2,49,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054607913507438,0.19129782236822265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658173665936472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596520514689774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146082510710233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37760769523701226,0.0,0.17926278641489513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486390799355404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686582958852393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514212721911855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838634387944132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121295669530416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678229724441392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850545670996794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843684885330873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880849547694885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044761562584984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444146845464754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118667297119871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126758110969883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303642706901463,0.14819501643571215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262743896740825,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,illumileo,2018/03/26,"How to help someone with BPD I found out it's nearly impossible to suggest therapy to them. I'm not expert, but a lot of the signs I witnessed are very BPD related. How can I convince my partner to seek therapy or what is it that I can do to make their life easier. Thanka",1.9531578947368402,3.6790506315789484,4.382315789473683,83.94821052631579,77.77192982456141,8.068771929824562,27.18947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.194764210526316,214,9,45,5,5,75,44,57,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.7935,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,3,0,11,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,9,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.624032937358439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716311726758398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660530963834915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749841880613411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061740124511544,0.0,0.0,0.16536657770738478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099070182800445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5666184075401509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440922536926007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cuddlycorpse,2018/03/26,"Finding the strength to truly leave him. God, the year I’ve spent with him has been so torturous. Who’s more toxic for someone with BPD than a narcissist? I’ve tried forgiving for all the times he made fun of me. I know what he did to me will stay with me in my future relationships. It hurts to know someone as horrible as him has actually ruined me is such ways. The past few months, I can’t count the amount of times I said “I’m leaving you, I mean it this time”. I said that tonight for the last time, well I at least hope with all my heart. I don’t see marrying him or having children with him. When I see my future, it isn’t him. So why is it so damn hard to not go back? I want to love myself again.",0.9313339640491948,2.639043841059604,2.6045080416272484,95.600082781457,80.78807947019868,6.168590350047302,20.05723746452223,7.1686216300943375,0.16936480605487206,544,14,132,7,14,179,93,151,0.134,0.72,0.146,0.4455,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,8,10,2,0,7,0,11,2,1,1,2,17,25,7,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,8,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,4,4,1,0,6,5,24,6,20,18,6,19,0,2,2,1,16,2,1,2,14,85,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.15494511011830706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209102185630195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999762182372677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451208581109001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902375960260414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223453065827832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881535276582752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770307842775105,0.0,0.0,0.16997588560339444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452124559936527,0.12942583493435106,0.0,0.33624744148733865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330397867849354,0.15024024797775912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295655524324738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126735645973949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157223828976712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046890585414753,0.0,0.0,0.3020698132026806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25305213843886537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690653597535569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923697132153825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703405545588737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780031689430558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365179290029928,0.12603114397722662,0.0,0.0,0.1427611226388674,0.0,0.14327308309660594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224827902948423 bpd,WaterlyCrest,2018/03/26,"Anyone else have similar experiences? Employment I just quit my job of two years. I couldn't take it anymore, it feels like lately employment in a place has a time limit, no matter how much i try to make it work. The single thing that disturbs me the most in the jobs I've been having lately, maybe it was just I was safe when I was still a kid... but its that gleam you see in people's eyes when they see you struggling. Day by day, you could be happy enough, and pleasant, dignified... then in some people, it's like they have a growing hunger to see you break, and they're so happy when you do. Then there's those that force you into indignity, simply by being around them. Talking to you like you're scum. I'm not talk injng like minute irritability that has to do with actual work, it feels and IS personal. Ignoring them doesn't make them stop. They want you to kiss their fucking shoes, all the time. I have some degree of social anxiety (wonder why). It just seems to come out of nowhere to me. Maybe its the way i look. I don't really know",3.0706134453781497,4.679455557142859,4.005742296918768,88.34533613445379,74.38095238095238,7.226890756302521,20.92436974789916,7.928766900206844,0.7139831932773109,817,18,173,12,17,263,122,210,0.08199999999999999,0.747,0.171,0.9644,4,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,8,7,4,11,13,1,2,9,0,19,5,2,3,1,33,35,11,0,3,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,15,8,1,4,5,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,7,26,9,20,27,7,26,0,0,5,2,20,8,1,5,18,115,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.12108392079010087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949206562012624,0.0,0.12305375401752452,0.08675943438186033,0.12713434962666315,0.0,0.110457268891131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688370329628102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906757042154396,0.0,0.0,0.1600423259801467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365269544246393,0.0,0.0,0.12820753289692818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137378800706965,0.0,0.0,0.12547688246961308,0.08864258611980838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147097138578878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26417036627900264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24625997857210155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819097634707008,0.0,0.27993468694185103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424763603353761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419572552569638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564837067995286,0.0,0.2493095386996457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121288062646177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204252767397246,0.10834163696556416,0.12963691206578334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197406942937898,0.0,0.0,0.07948865426778555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29662644787339737,0.11295752890647623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648366216744092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909023513495274,0.10373621279527752,0.0,0.12971507763575524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329251737879764,0.1994611788199984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243306124864112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470378038819598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424199396813134,0.0,0.1212078697495082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318544137812685,0.09848871669956152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196265975594198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455917766121514,0.1806630469603416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990328000333202 bpd,ddej78,2018/03/26,Independent self love ideas? So I’m in a relationship and I’m trying to be able to separate myself from it and teach myself how to love myself. The problem is I keep associating self growth with trying to make my partner happy. Any tips for helping me focus on improving myself for myself? What can I do to be independent in a codependent relationship? ,4.33727272727273,6.810620303030305,6.578787878787877,67.48818181818183,73.24242424242425,9.248484848484848,27.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.1922303030303034,284,11,46,8,6,100,44,66,0.036000000000000004,0.698,0.267,0.9555,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,4,0,10,11,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,3,12,9,0,4,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,0,0,35,11,1,0.22066663792521546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006088077059007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349037393508509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790819594817714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24910577458208516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19613864680749732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983205122565212,0.0,0.1472966943196067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111481708140237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4738267738955879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46040685792299896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29963632442536803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cosmoguyral,2018/03/26,It's ok. I thought I had this under control but I dont. My last suppor tperson backed out and now I know this life just isnt for me. Its ok. Life isnt for some of us. I've deleted all my other social media accounts and order my helium tank. I feel ok. It feels good wit han end finally insight.,-1.3701196581196555,0.6367445692307676,1.7497435897435911,95.38136752136757,95.6153846153846,4.11965811965812,17.991452991452988,5.82211442006289,-0.291290598290598,227,7,52,2,9,80,48,65,0.0,0.804,0.196,0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,1,1,13,8,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,5,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,10,4,5,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,33,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131684110152312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31093067833140803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249048703447772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455384871382206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28034591928174,0.0,0.0,0.3036857218185531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325226296725407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523552512182342,0.225974843668254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39162350995378814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28259531035957536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220085165474694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334667560358607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lilyen99,2018/03/26,"Longest Ive been alone This is the longest in my life I’ve gone without an FP. I’m a freshman in college and I have basically spent the past 7and 1/2 months alone after two long term, very serious relationships that were back-to-back. I spend all day and night in my room, going to only some of my classes, working out every day, and basically not doing anything on the weekends. I’ve made two friends and I’ve been working really hard to control my BPD because I want relationships with people that will actually LAST. I don’t have any family or friends to lean on and it’s been so incredibly hard. I’ve felt either numb, intensely happy, or suicidal. At this point I just feel like there isn’t a purpose, I don’t want to connect with anyone because it always ends in abandonment, even when I try with my entire being to be a stable and good friend/partner. Everyone from my past has left, making me feel too hopeless to attempt to bond with anyone in the present. Even when I’m around the two friends, I feel a disconnect because I feel like they don’t like me but know it’s my BPD and don’t want to be dramatic.",4.199732142857143,5.342729508928574,5.357500000000002,81.5875,70.875,8.278571428571428,30.07142857142857,8.660442795831766,2.291335714285715,886,36,175,15,16,294,125,224,0.075,0.8240000000000001,0.101,0.5307,0,2,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,4,9,12,0,0,10,0,19,2,0,3,1,35,35,13,1,3,7,0,7,3,3,1,2,0,1,0,7,13,0,2,6,1,2,2,7,4,0,3,8,7,20,8,26,23,4,30,0,2,0,0,6,13,0,3,18,106,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.10404086922658916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22084199150498104,0.0,0.0,0.0887122281040308,0.0,0.0,0.07250186199470658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909538620480364,0.0,0.087735068086714,0.09490996156087377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639607216903237,0.0,0.1949745594698908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26855574279388883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957779807073972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751572132260256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442925281986636,0.0,0.0,0.14083641565564534,0.0,0.0898277432141764,0.10187520983114563,0.0,0.0,0.10050714184026728,0.0,0.21563100756559564,0.1523315672340142,0.1023671279511339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294819654350614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060591766466839274,0.08942361109901407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349365940676101,0.1910122131950363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058592820634356016,0.08690546191916224,0.0,0.0,0.11583751905448295,0.0,0.07530533372312466,0.15626012395934055,0.0,0.0,0.09435092784352003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088169920618564,0.07116634627890044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509908288848295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100050963496291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108551847807798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035521793523686,0.07391342304717874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007856443688038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830030469535595,0.0,0.0,0.2289292398789369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661951535331375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238459260845152,0.0,0.3124421156059807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796854791886362,0.18865288353797025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277306395498176,0.0,0.15523399242630667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,natbratc,2018/03/27,"I need a friend right now If someone could message me, that would be great 👐🏼",3.9705882352941204,3.5570566470588254,4.228235294117649,95.02705882352943,70.76470588235293,6.8000000000000025,28.764705882352942,3.1291,0.6079882352941177,61,2,15,0,1,19,17,17,0.0,0.622,0.378,0.8074,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588065830866731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34720266521296245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954612906746659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33322185278146554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837822042734369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807722444552155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3192384203226845,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ola_the_Polka,2018/03/27,"How did you ignore your ex-boyfriend/gf after you broke up? My beautiful boyfriend of 5 years has recently broken up with me, but we still live together. He's moving overseas indefinitely in 4 months time. He's looking for a room to move out and I find that I'm doing everything I can to convince him to stay with me for the next 4 months - I can't help but desperately cling onto him. Today I found a message he sent to a girl asking about a free room in her sharehouse, but she was super attractive and single. I have kept my cool but man did I cry and cry and cry in my sleep last night, I don't think it's fair. What are your tips for setting boundaries or ignoring your ex-SO when they want nothing to do with you?",3.8800671140939618,4.509551805369128,4.95120134228188,86.10344630872484,71.21476510067114,8.10765100671141,26.980536912751678,8.238735603445708,1.5226558389261742,565,18,123,8,10,186,100,149,0.16899999999999998,0.672,0.159,-0.1566,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,6,1,1,4,8,0,0,5,1,11,1,1,1,0,23,19,11,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,9,0,3,3,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,6,2,24,6,21,13,1,26,0,1,1,0,21,9,0,2,12,77,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191084569049954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5707287983473938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565351841229502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829406184648495,0.0,0.0,0.18989574252920274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608673528294593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411743383158255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529314302828884,0.0,0.1454373953976057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764799001756685,0.36815070315812604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419132110267894,0.16252866341805014,0.0,0.16618209212100707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710058942762342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733167612940011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459929160983388,0.13831110282743553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109742381454998,0.0,0.0,0.10098946390394983,0.0,0.16416546597353526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215294266014747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152976639664827 bpd,zzdropkickzz,2018/03/27,"Just keep thinking about my long gone SO Idk if this is even going to help or anything, but I need to get this off my chest. I just cant stop thinking about my SO. Its been over before it even really started, she left before we were something official. We had known each other for a bit (about 7-8 months) and, well, I fucking ruined it, you guys know what im talking about. The constant insecurities showing, as soon as she doesnt text you think the worst. „Is she seeing someone else? She said sonething about that guy, is she seeing him? Sleeping with him? Fuck. Fuck her. I will tell her just how much that hurts me“. That kinda shit. She is my absolute dream girl, 10/10 body, such an amazing personality, so sweet and caring, etc. Its been almost a year, and, well, everytime I have a minute to myself my thoughts keep drifting to her. I keep fantasizing about her, keep thinking about texting her. Everytime I hear a lovesong or a sad song I think about her. I havent cried about anything in a really really long time, not when my dog died, not when my grandfather was deathly sick and we came to the hospital, but some-fuckin-how this girl is still enclosed in my retarded heart. Fucks sake. Sorry just wanted to vent somewhere. Edit: Ive actually texted her, asking if she wanted to meet up for coffee or lunch. Her reply was, no, you said something about loving me forever, remember? So, no, we cant meet up.",1.9685005317263384,4.552713476190476,2.972721257237385,89.43491315136478,82.73626373626374,5.866902989483634,21.993264799716414,7.233258080335977,0.8306255228642323,1101,36,218,16,31,350,155,273,0.2,0.693,0.107,-0.9873,0,0,2,0,0,0,53.0,4,3,0,0,28,16,5,1,10,0,17,12,5,1,0,45,48,20,2,5,13,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,5,12,11,1,6,9,3,0,4,8,10,2,0,11,7,45,6,28,36,5,24,0,3,2,5,39,8,5,7,12,148,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.09681891249195107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934885926536599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328994447485953,0.0,0.09275204224430844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688482414069985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831639486734436,0.11020479789993964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347480735241301,0.10115566168794436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721548655211788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898232581559336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296885129822428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288087455472634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065024778929572,0.1310603102839052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36688834241619817,0.051835412983621036,0.0,0.05638581241097894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964756479328746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182180476630896,0.11756950519760928,0.06650130032394391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621103422632323,0.0,0.10716854400454108,0.0,0.0,0.35274515987058364,0.0,0.0,0.0545256226310392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779670243041832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560318929134025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954484178834493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919196293315545,0.0,0.07293397711179966,0.07356619761924453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663016030664618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19067779631112333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239053961538244,0.0,0.18875116993753305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812201384546207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184212423244576,0.0,0.0,0.09928602062839556,0.0,0.08406401305825087,0.15276013716752526,0.0,0.1110623635165656,0.07022444117155165,0.0,0.07923272340155489,0.0829476551744887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974475178744643,0.08671773172896037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31786280840559245,0.0,0.07876512679023932,0.0578526965398887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170384110167164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841126615059413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389080089232567 bpd,Everythingisblue7,2018/03/27,"Need some advice: How to stop being obsessive? Hello I have been officially diagnosed with BPD for a just over a year now (although I highly suspect I have had it for longer) and life is hard. I look up to everyone so much in this sub who can continue to be strong and keep going with this horrible illness. I'm in a relationship at the moment and have recently realised that the closer I am to someone the more prevalent my bpd symptoms are. One symptom in particular that causes me some difficulty is 'obsessiveness'. I'd really like some advice on how to deal with this. For example; I obsessively text my partner and a close friend multiple times a day - often about stuff thats not even interesting (like what I'm thinking or what i had for lunch) and often stuff thats quite negative (feelings), I think I do this as some sort of coping mechanism? Then when they dont reply instantly/ send shorter responses, I feel it as a personal rejection ""they're not replying, they don't want to - everyone hates me i should kill myself"", it hurts. My brain will shortcut to the same pattern of thinking if they have been online since I sent them a message (but haven't read it). Another thing I find myself becoming obsessive about is sleep - how much I sleep and how much my partner sleeps. I often count the hours (indicated by how long he has been offline) that my partner has been asleep for. If he has slept for longer than me, I get VERY jealous and bitter - despite knowing this is illogical because you can be offline and NOT be asleep. I don't even want to have thoughts like this - I don't want my partner to feel bad about his sleeping habits and I'm sure I struggle with sleep because I'm always obsessing over how long everyone else has managed to sleep. I really want to overcome this obsessive behaviour so I can be a better friend and partner. I guess I also want to know whether these kind of obsessive thoughts are BPD, and whether anyone can relate, or whether they sound more OCD in nature. If anyone has any advice/ personal experience it would be very much appreciated. Thank you ",6.635303030303028,7.142976419191921,6.965707070707069,74.51022727272728,65.1111111111111,10.43838383838384,34.934343434343425,10.317481424215053,3.6460222222222223,1666,73,301,38,24,541,198,396,0.16699999999999998,0.767,0.066,-0.9856,0,0,0,0,0,1,44.0,0,2,5,3,20,26,4,8,13,0,42,16,10,7,1,69,71,34,1,11,13,0,4,3,7,3,5,1,0,7,24,16,1,2,12,1,0,3,9,15,0,1,10,7,42,11,41,52,11,28,0,2,1,0,26,12,0,14,16,217,66,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308036569120157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296076786980016,0.06551009905936674,0.0,0.0,0.053539452934177376,0.08255581416601078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010041939333767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573669507098423,0.09598678767599406,0.08695167306572428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963074638639917,0.0,0.0,0.2974749990400156,0.08788929732690093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087793067948038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507746717594541,0.08116770839165867,0.0,0.07990981986334615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227158230946483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576924642705627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400153099466868,0.0,0.0,0.2256911554483508,0.0,0.07701355511447658,0.0,0.0,0.11942554849367534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195826835103318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165400788160904,0.0,0.04113344687159305,0.0,0.04474436848514124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867305432077036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052708107658917,0.07773008821620879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318311628573455,0.0,0.0,0.07753370249220788,0.0,0.08428264929433245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997930303619364,0.08710365475026484,0.08198572051147644,0.08653646889407716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556096941462844,0.11539126474876812,0.0,0.0,0.13934806421779675,0.06611380745568138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315039622514549,0.058377682498111386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05334983746507647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748890541595502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373959844681808,0.07875182493435089,0.0,0.10087357339578304,0.0,0.07773688972534831,0.0845271136943367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512669917487804,0.0,0.4727242654631253,0.0,0.06670811354463553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582223948560323,0.0,0.08230623304018468,0.1802552170598759,0.0,0.0,0.07420258273835166,0.1636623099386273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248448442728134,0.0,0.0,0.05230505869485979,0.15134201337766715,0.0,0.1250064761395588,0.045908398959874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992184756120584,0.2321865007139504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055927902048544455,0.0,0.0,0.05069987317200345 bpd,racemedic911,2018/03/27,"Friends One thing I've struggled with for my whole life is the natural social ability that others seem to have. I say things that seem fine to me, end up coming off offensive or ""weird"". Social skills have never come naturally to me, and as a result the main cause of my anxiety is interacting with others. A specific aspect of this that has often puzzled me is how a social relationship develops. How do you know when you've gone from acquaintances, to friends? I'm never certain just where I stand with others. My BDP complicates matters, This directly affects how I view relationships with others, so you can see how I would be concerned. I used to just straight up ask people ""Do you want to be friends?"" This went one of two ways; either I would have someone think I'm ridiculous, because they already thought we were friends. Or I had someone think I was coming on too strong too soon.",5.496477045908184,7.0009154491017975,5.665044910179643,79.23413423153694,68.16167664670658,8.680439121756487,31.880738522954093,9.075114841892004,2.8013277445109774,708,30,127,13,12,224,103,167,0.076,0.7859999999999999,0.138,0.8672,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,3,1,2,13,11,2,1,5,0,17,1,0,8,3,37,34,10,0,3,5,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,12,9,0,0,6,0,0,5,2,4,0,3,6,3,19,7,20,24,3,18,0,0,2,0,17,6,0,6,5,97,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250596612709313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878950382837584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072572668970498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872075826267297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265934164388965,0.0,0.3337204494327499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143771126505168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990839146929198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097035554216882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121333041642488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199196936327238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501323922277762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952738332452298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772897664305315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269497993881127,0.0,0.0,0.10290552404685402,0.23512307396378485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949169357222971,0.21883483790423908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500210250890665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17158586014282248,0.1654916381520446,0.0,0.1025204075238774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261481514335451,0.0,0.0,0.11153296463594108,0.0,0.0,0.07616838874223547,0.10250299402495867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971135613461675,0.0,0.1441769250685077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347053647271985,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,JessTalks,2018/03/27,"DAE see Episode 2 of new CBS show Instinct? (Spoilers) I was really enjoying Alan Cumming having a lead role but in episode 2 they identified a serial killer by saying oh it seems like shes got BPD..so she must be the killer (and she was). Made me feel like shit. Really? Portray me as a likely serial killer when Im more likely to be the victim of a crime? ugh ",0.09162162162161992,2.448999783783788,2.4446486486486485,90.71589189189191,91.70270270270271,6.203243243243244,18.210810810810813,7.554174236665415,0.7261989189189193,280,8,59,6,10,95,55,74,0.354,0.555,0.091,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,1,1,8,2,0,6,0,7,1,1,2,1,7,12,4,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,4,3,7,5,6,5,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,1,6,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296489297624846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323422283361098,0.18698515840815394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093352054467345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827211665799648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5114864382032195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476621339761329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25278748692544656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33535119541354363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814398293917447,0.0,0.0,0.20857071742277344,0.2382757809821077,0.0,0.0,0.2686695469965396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,meadowes,2018/03/27,"Sometimes I worry I’ll never be able to hold down a “real job” I’m currently a graduate assistant at a college. I was moderately successful during undergrad but I’ve felt like I’m drowning all year. I worry that I won’t be able to handle a “real job” after I graduate because I can’t even handle my GA without feeling like I’ve lost control of my whole life. I’m always so overwhelmed and handling supervisory responsibilities has just left me drained all of the time. I internalize everything and I never stop thinking about my 20-hour-a-week job. I honestly worry that this job is completely ruining my mental health and I don’t know how to get myself out of this pit. I just wish I could stop existing.",3.6378260869565215,5.742299666666671,5.9109420289855095,73.166847826087,74.07246376811594,8.947826086956523,31.06521739130435,9.516144504307137,3.3428000000000004,566,27,99,15,12,199,86,138,0.146,0.6890000000000001,0.165,0.4007,5,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,5,0,9,2,0,2,4,25,19,6,1,2,4,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,4,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,2,18,4,12,12,3,12,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,10,62,22,9,0.2577972704973946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725399038129524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857541165372812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514776665909736,0.0,0.1445707799048376,0.10291507166867493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513633290978267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584578192954845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651750229523842,0.09208521077683447,0.12376290384406287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734421682246816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701322169744104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693919106715906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116480243945242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083931894214975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400487443500262,0.0,0.09104491806167653,0.12594672452191227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070808697620935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989950704812295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882914770519808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934297328311539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274840461905306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155300615334605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825930407685912,0.0,0.0,0.07516183078888154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339471015068362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391072301952745,0.14822706919437578,0.1242536846212187,0.0,0.0,0.3927084629511089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300649499239993 bpd,DizzyUpTheCentury,2018/03/27,"Sex and promiscuity of other peoples trigger me the most It's very complicated and please don't assume I judge them. I don't know how to begin. When someone esp women in online forum talk about number of their sex partner, I feel so horrible. Like they should not have many. I am a big loser because I have next to none. When they somebody they marries their high school sweetheart, I cannot tell you happy I feel. Similarly if someone had long term partner and is not into casual sex. I really try to explain myself. It doesn't matter at all. I personally feel I hate feelingless sex too. But I lost my virginity to a hooker and only been with hookers. I absolutely hate it. I think I hate feelingless sex. I desperately want to fall in love with someone. I am 23 and never had a GF. It was because of my culture. I am from asia. That's the only reason I find a job in Europe and I moved here recently. I absolutely hated my culture. I remember when I was quite young, all I want was to fuck someone. Then slowly it keep building up through out years, and now I am so much desperate for love. I don't want sex, I just want love. Now I am here in Europe. I am not happy with my job, so I decided to look for another job. I can find a girlfriend easily here. But I feel immoral to ask someone until I change my job (because I am moving to different city too). It's stupid but in my head I keep thinking women lose something when they have sex. I know it's not that. I don't want to think this way either. But still I feel I am very horrible person if I dated someone and later dump them (even if I truly cared for them during the whole time). But again I see random people making out with each-other so maybe it's not bad. So maybe it's not big deal for people. I just don't know what should I do. Should I just keep fucking. Maybe I will start liking it. I ideally want to fall in love with someone and spend rest of life with her (this has lot to do with my culture, i was raised like this). But it seems so bad idea too. Women here don't think like me. They don't date for their life. Good chances are they will dump me for someone else while I keep thinking about having high morals. I just don't know what should I do. I suffer from BPD, that's just topping on the ice and obsessively thinking about everything makes things so much awesome.",1.7779534291431671,3.838009280334728,3.4964999090412974,88.50247043842094,79.62761506276149,6.164889939967256,22.106785519374213,7.255503002510835,0.7470495179188656,1828,56,381,24,46,609,203,478,0.119,0.7340000000000001,0.147,0.9397,5,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,0,1,12,6,32,31,9,1,9,0,42,17,1,5,3,91,88,34,0,14,21,0,5,4,5,6,2,0,0,7,21,20,0,4,24,1,1,4,18,16,0,0,8,7,76,15,48,74,11,46,1,4,2,14,36,17,2,8,28,263,97,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684541756256325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610301309111775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901597458390733,0.11938643851479384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822207619343502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655964791547063,0.0,0.06906000921222688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730317690525921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820610090673203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054534978440522894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043118338423308936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058671514962293524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504344269712587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933366508899493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070485471612075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054755689548778935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898842831007027,0.0,0.2578109931517803,0.06699846592101798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794865228657552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369576190614448,0.0,0.0,0.25913040784641944,0.2321036040207189,0.0,0.0,0.1435097624447179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222162746581523,0.12757452207855352,0.0,0.0,0.05777277444006045,0.05482068383154262,0.07303418660662901,0.07126333382911584,0.055500670462396914,0.2356792706458694,0.0,0.08715287417444352,0.06618599800972869,0.1967545116887318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876949078341358,0.09597999274844206,0.0,0.050349728407116434,0.0,0.06942845855482323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930025017154262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577556518191772,0.11400395929708684,0.0,0.0716603531259121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943575369956795,0.0,0.0,0.041821508145594814,0.06712106931440771,0.06445838800824655,0.0,0.0739521112412549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606916514117961,0.0520215348979,0.05943054714895304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44250779585859146,0.050257498076359534,0.0,0.0,0.0462071425508377,0.0,0.0521345230211655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247143376366848,0.05705960097135846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337065426799561,0.2509815418320224,0.0,0.0,0.03806662967154981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432239128203703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772945625219303,0.2310311247003743,0.051818045048589806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728853480743008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0420396559270142 bpd,Nlad21994,2018/03/27,"Being fake around others and hiding your true emotions I have to act fake, otherwise people will abandon me and that will increase my thoughts of self-hatred. Because of this, I have to keep in my anger, jealousy, envy, and paranoia at bay and pretend to be bubbly and happy. It is very exhausting... It does slip out eventually and people distance themselves from me. I am myself at home and I think I drive my mum nuts. She does not say that I do, but I have a feeling that I do. I can't stand this.. It feels like I have to be fake and be nice and happy 24/7 otherwise I'll get abandoned. I'm very self-aware at times but when I've argued with somebody I feel like they were wrong and I weren't. That's until I calm down and have a rational mind, then I start blaming and second guessing myself. It's stupid how I wish people were honest about my behaviour and actions towards them but I get mad when my actions are brought up. Why do I get mad? Can somebody please try to explain? I wish I knew but I don't. I think it's because I think they're assuming I'm a shitty person when they call me out on my bad behaviour. I get mad at the slightest bit of criticism as well. Something that normal people wouldn't get mad over. Why? I DON'T want to be like this... It is very painful to others and me. I think people don't bring up how I act because I get mad, and that's understandable. I wish I didn't get mad, but I do... I feel like I'm such a horrible person that deserves nobody and deserves to die alone.. I care too much about what others think of me, so I act how they'd like me to around them. I'd describe myself as a chameleon where my personality, attitude, etc, depends on the person I'm with. When I'm out, I think people are staring and judging me. I get very angry with the general public and mumble under my breath about them. Doesn't happen when I'm in a good mood though, which is very rare... I'm mainly just angry, bitter, and pessimistic.",1.7701561884761787,3.7711061895261855,3.2387432733954604,90.63779465809161,79.37406483790524,5.617561359758499,22.522706391914948,6.5966054737557815,0.5080034912718201,1526,48,320,14,38,500,176,401,0.254,0.613,0.134,-0.9954,0,1,1,0,0,0,59.0,0,1,6,0,20,34,10,0,9,0,34,3,1,4,1,66,74,38,1,6,7,1,4,5,0,3,2,1,1,4,21,27,0,3,15,1,0,9,9,19,1,1,7,7,61,14,42,58,5,39,0,2,1,0,18,20,0,3,14,211,82,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384508127187386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413442636252266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759413704224078,0.14804845467382124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838201513935226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266422070002014,0.0,0.08253913208323058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401862511641857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168872815707947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106360476612534,0.0,0.0,0.09028634942349777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373334827190816,0.17350304461531402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33836563786553164,0.0,0.0,0.06790130707594319,0.0,0.0,0.08918118285379338,0.0,0.07158833820391887,0.1723564442061757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120457803583105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719566232290988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977528926698479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174158543533155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595113221517644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931882138513249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614194695267398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367444888668278,0.2827475249383449,0.0,0.08886440263780024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437875438127093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890767498856887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232320034453138,0.0,0.0,0.05730044496382895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112366017625994,0.07953798653142448,0.0642693161728067,0.04720557684460309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496320703076265,0.0,0.0,0.08427712665171408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339822286224717,0.04774942254602188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278836802713197,0.0,0.1460987936778577,0.0,0.2792831507108714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885117064511821,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cinephile89,2018/03/27,"FP's and Significant others... My first post here. Been lurking for a while. Thought I would finally pose a question I've been wondering about since finding you guys. I know the concept of an ""FP"" isn't something everyone with BPD has and isn't necessarily a part of the disorder - but it's definitely something that happens for me and gets me into a whole lot of trouble and pain. I was wondering for others who have this: how is it possible to have a significant other who is NOT your FP? I know that an FP isn't a healthy thing, and something you need to recognize isn't really a good thing. But at the same time we all know that they are like a drug - being around them feels good, being validated by them feels good, making them feel good feels good! I guess I don't know how to differentiate between a healthy, proper relationship with someone who could be a significant other and the unhealthy powerful emotions of an FP....I look for the feelings associated with an FP to be associated with a significant other and if they don't come I assume I don't love them or I can't stay interseted or put the proper energy into the relationship. I don't know if this makes sense, but I know a few people here have talked about having a significant other AND an FP, so I thought I would throw it out there. As a side note I have been a redditor for a long time but the idea of checking out a subreddit for BPD literally hit me like a month ago. It's been kind of life-changing. I've never been to any group therapy and for a long time was only diagnosed as depressed and anxious. Other people who were depressed and anxious never seemed to match my feelings. Literally the first 3 posts I read here just hit me so hard - I'm not alone! Thank you for that.",4.958964563960794,5.785803069364164,6.237650163357627,77.1358117617492,68.88439306358381,9.485599396833377,30.361397336014072,9.653516015845867,2.715211761749184,1386,53,274,30,23,468,156,346,0.17600000000000002,0.737,0.087,-0.9878,2,1,4,0,2,0,35.0,1,4,6,3,12,14,0,0,33,0,33,4,0,4,3,68,63,26,0,6,11,0,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,23,22,0,0,21,1,1,3,13,4,0,2,10,8,32,10,36,44,6,26,0,2,1,1,22,7,0,11,15,198,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717542210434729,0.0,0.0,0.09017022331701907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059205308215262514,0.0,0.0,0.19671109825521474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750385124344128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930368527985966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210030513822738,0.0749964101392717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695121137620033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997315827074045,0.08836634024355869,0.0,0.0,0.09978086895625446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096455715614612,0.0,0.0,0.09793330095523173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319170062125973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26412770470544844,0.0,0.0,0.0953724275842958,0.07957330945456638,0.14811019254529145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04548642667273474,0.0,0.0,0.3651183784235391,0.0,0.0,0.09590887207238012,0.08620530481256755,0.07698885068535385,0.0,0.0779906656460577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982826709172864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066192473240132,0.287082779069474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149463435375376,0.08506842487662213,0.0,0.0,0.15409468418285424,0.07311035382655949,0.0,0.0,0.07401720247755138,0.07857707010483732,0.0,0.11622944156397047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949224878688849,0.0,0.0,0.0645555472791744,0.13429553232962188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621475616225515,0.09264036095926644,0.0,0.0,0.0942799210084007,0.0,0.1207159891444665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814959346869392,0.16676311804686567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752159724815017,0.09752963314527008,0.0,0.0870857995782074,0.0,0.05577429985150074,0.0,0.0,0.1869445257489773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925819282950958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201878402515248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737675528310767,0.20107429586747372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279676309404927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997733009016963,0.0,0.08015521276651097,0.09956325818871464,0.0,0.11568056644335792,0.0,0.0,0.13823538611508512,0.15230007561508932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720188100641816,0.0,0.0,0.18883056938830356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369303372180457,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,miapulpfiction,2018/03/27,BPD without unstable relationships? My psychiatrist has mentioned several times that he thinks I might have BPD. I started doing research and it says the biggest hallmark is unstable relationships. I am almost 30 and have been with my partner for 10 years (married for 5) I dated someone for 6 years before I met my current partner. I don't have this symptom but everything else seems to fit... Not sure what to make of this.,4.867402597402599,7.472421714285718,5.557142857142856,74.81285714285715,72.11688311688313,8.036363636363637,35.675324675324674,8.841846274778883,3.6304337662337662,340,19,54,7,7,110,58,77,0.034,0.922,0.043,-0.0857,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,1,1,12,15,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,9,1,8,12,0,8,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,6,37,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018095315405968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17010865627031316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035592058299603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699912398884498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796661863997518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344145405792654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207288150475195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42925697669093815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897642807858375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181990524171146,0.0,0.2258413585000349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938306473159867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149730225773227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841277630811915,0.20778299794003668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280942336517392,0.0,0.0,0.1165691083070618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927060725921665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574709264902576 bpd,maskdqueen,2018/03/27,"Why would the one psych give a diagnosis of BPD traits rather than just BPD? If I self reflect and read the symptoms of BPD, I'd say I can hit them all. However, one of my psychs has said I have 'BPD traits'. I'm confused as why he would say this instead of just saying I have BPD? I'm better than what I was before as I am in a stable relationship, so some traits are not as pronounced as they were before, but I still have at least half of them. If anyone could provide some input, would be great. Thank you. ",2.7019811320754705,3.8214889622641515,3.715235849056608,92.02587264150948,74.47169811320755,6.432075471698113,21.740566037735853,6.6274283507984215,0.2128528301886794,394,9,90,3,8,127,68,106,0.016,0.86,0.124,0.9034,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,3,1,6,4,0,1,4,0,14,1,0,0,1,17,20,9,0,7,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,3,4,12,3,13,11,4,3,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,5,1,63,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08439955143056954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542166419028932,0.0,0.0,0.10675352179709234,0.0,0.0,0.7601168890220614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637290243379967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579097258073018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307738730752272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16358529334425811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073739110934127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959170398863096,0.0,0.0,0.1148178361922372,0.28796773020506555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259213546667176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963949506601238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254584280516086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112869515025364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178344828479128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572355239712528,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ok_Screen,2018/03/27,"The Worst Week Of My Life; Any Guidance Is Deeply Appreciated Hell, it's been the worst month of my life. I started drinking and gambling again after nearly a year of abstinence in early February and my little demons crawled out from the shadows once again. I am an extremely empathetic person; but addiction (poker especially) corrodes my reactionary equilibrium, further amplifying the typical binary love/hate quarrel. My recently turned ex, my first long term relationship, started to disintegrate amidst the chaos in my mind. I was always loving, but extremely judgemental and ruthless towards her addiction to social media, validation, and being numb to the gravity of this life. All very true and objective judgements of her, but I was riddled with anger and self destruction in my hyper criticisms. Then this Wednesday, I crossed the line. I told her that I don't care anymore what the fuck she does and that she is a waste of my time/genius. I instantly regretted it as I drove away, it wasn't true and I couldn't fathom ending it on that note. Later that night, after class (liberal arts college), we have one of the most profound talks of my life. I dove into every facet of my being and performed one of the most compelling performances of my life (with the help of a few Dostoyevsky), all was quiet on the western front. I thought that moment was everything we needed to progress, but it was evident that she needed space. Fast forward to Saturday morning, she tells me she hooked up with a dude in all of my classes. I go numb and act like I understand, but the fire started to brew. I had warned her multiple times about this man's character, seemed like nothing but trouble. She tries to reassure me by saying he had a small dick and she stopped a minute into sex due to regret. I bullshit the rest of the conversation with absurd kindness and wander off to get a drink. I get plastered and leave her a voicemail go off about the disrespect and how she is dead to me. Then I send the dude a bunch of messages on FB/Insta about his small dick. The next night, I'm high as hell and the fire was pulsating through my veins. I drive over to her place and tell her to get down; I go off. Basically repeating my voicemail and further burning the bridge. She was extremely the vile the entire time and incapable of apologizing, she says that she told everyone in our major how psycho I am. I hated her in the moment. THEN.. She tells me she was raped and I snap out of it. I hug her and try to show some compassion, but there was nothing but evil coming from her mouth about myself. It made no sense. I was barely able to get the story out; nothing out of the ordinary, he took advantage of her after a party in her apartment. I was disgusted by her behavior towards my compassion and the absolute betrayal, she says she regrets telling me and that I'm not important to her anymore. We had been through so much.. I ignite my cognition once again and tell her how fuckin sick she is in the head/wished was dead. I push her out of my car and drive off. In hindsight, I should have been more understanding towards her emotional trauma; but everything was backwards in her words/in my head and I was pushed into a corner. The winds switched and I committed to going full Machiavelli on this disgrace of a man. I told every single person that has any social status/legitimacy in our major and fortunately, I have been relatively stable during my duration as a student and am credible source. I tell the head of our student government and he is notifying the head of our chair. I even messaged his sister and father. I am so consumed by revenge and regret..",6.492152349311818,7.243968762390676,6.835359007390332,74.47136382127604,65.45772594752187,10.229791850294935,33.88351752661197,10.206645593488393,3.5294932266594348,2905,123,514,66,43,942,316,686,0.199,0.7070000000000001,0.094,-0.9983,0,0,2,0,0,0,83.0,7,0,0,5,16,31,11,0,44,0,40,25,7,6,6,86,71,51,2,8,10,3,2,2,0,1,10,4,0,5,21,47,2,1,4,5,1,17,5,21,0,3,29,6,105,10,95,38,18,99,3,4,0,8,78,48,6,4,38,378,126,6,0.07459493597858866,0.0,0.0,0.16263898168550806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206896240991613,0.0,0.0,0.10145422886958014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795626446705534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700843978670199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760545087220445,0.0,0.0,0.06425693225852618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527853116126575,0.0,0.0,0.14614927734058586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390926277201796,0.06606897232701163,0.0,0.0,0.04926925169226128,0.0,0.1256989016303375,0.0712786580232944,0.13408223709663433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634504144365468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896181630542067,0.15589110102547732,0.0,0.1695760846304246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736470558415603,0.3062236998143312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499994131926821,0.07881364540755817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776791468436823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898526654284647,0.0,0.0,0.2634430465800936,0.0728866355667636,0.0747637226433736,0.0,0.0660141709753096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464968420284515,0.07058353205303718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531962071246733,0.0,0.05954096622090802,0.0,0.05483586094760174,0.11062239967824347,0.0,0.0,0.07933256067432687,0.1400045884327194,0.0,0.2147275587240135,0.0,0.0,0.1588823446037027,0.10109491830241714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026684167138733,0.07793583137482285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365350007872637,0.08008704486552502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17796266133501693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679084281250433,0.07781878677670467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208028653674752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583960388710204,0.0,0.0,0.06236470661822715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05995658393363495,0.3911955717010835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922004683179422,0.130490721137099,0.0,0.0,0.2138359740698832,0.08287771857585823,0.10129012997852843,0.08113786986961151,0.0,0.15531191817084494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154863439601471,0.0,0.0,0.059835558144847964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578049500303023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803669307916656 bpd,Riverdaledaily18,2018/03/27,"Got referred to DBT today, what does this involve? Today I went to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with BPD aswell as depression and anxiety and was referred to DBT. I’m really anxious about it, what does it involve?",5.736747967479673,7.418020073170737,6.7204878048780525,71.22186991869921,67.78048780487805,10.34471544715447,35.61788617886179,10.504223727775694,4.303969105691058,177,9,29,5,3,59,28,41,0.187,0.813,0.0,-0.7937,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,6,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20144526105438687,0.2974857779502663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33165249953613096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268040901380454,0.2672724590034777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4608803560963575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060752169692015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686947114638995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983838719921435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4992084609157044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441077690764329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Daveyup,2018/03/27,"Why do I lie so much Why is it that with people I lie so frequently even if it’s not a romantic interest. I lie all the time with romantic interests so that I can match them better, but what about other things. Why do I make up stories, why do I pretend, even when I don’t necessarily have anything to gain from or prove to the person that Im lying to? Im tired of this but it’s like an addiction and i can’t stop ",1.787912087912087,2.793491747252752,4.392087912087913,86.7279120879121,76.58241758241758,8.276923076923078,23.98901098901099,8.841846274778883,1.4813472527472524,323,10,76,7,7,115,58,91,0.19,0.69,0.12,-0.6755,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,7,4,0,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,2,12,9,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,9,4,9,9,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,5,54,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842736902173656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733462576065133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909367987583832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525608657276237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130400758845103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340669457339766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762206381919144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054802983765646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254837555175505,0.16694137407254614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984497179630092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270193888452002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148552213206632,0.21974693937559048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6900837309820167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thfcnut,2018/03/27,"Just get me out of here I'm at a loss as to what to do, everything is going to shit. My marriage is a shambles we are just two strangers living in the same house, I'm signed off work sick and have been since diagnosis in October, iv become fat, lazy and unmotivated to do anything. My kids are the only thing stopping me from driving away somewhere anywhere and not coming back. I don't know what the point of this post is it just feels better writing it. That's all.",3.600766917293232,4.7957666105263215,4.608120300751882,86.19684210526316,72.36842105263158,7.112781954887217,27.25563909774436,7.447530270364453,1.3333007518796989,368,13,77,4,7,120,71,95,0.158,0.813,0.029,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,3,5,3,1,0,5,0,10,4,2,0,1,17,17,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,6,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,1,1,6,1,14,16,2,13,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,54,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075562027142163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369697155658739,0.19394220310338744,0.0,0.0,0.2785580239575061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22306877413871698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172658597899437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266797643572061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753039945646588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317749420468449,0.0,0.14334287574922622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910289042195676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386139387862826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271556038657034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182526072458675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384301521555682,0.0,0.2415577769417217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25890099540440914,0.20863962692605445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210867857018786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756427196068413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24638304271171996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361972414683048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Berserk7743,2018/03/27,"Therapy help Can some1 recommend a good therapist in Split, Croatia?",8.048181818181817,11.443230181818185,9.081818181818182,49.54272727272729,65.36363636363637,18.94545454545455,47.36363636363637,14.554592549557764,10.636018181818184,56,4,7,4,1,19,11,11,0.0,0.464,0.536,0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4297809027846803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34345419029285035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5859796372519618,0.5949415597333295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,time-spent,2018/03/27,"diagnosed ""textbook BPD"" but i'm not, and i'm worried diagnosis means i won't be taken seriously... So, I'm nearly 30, have experienced depression from quite a young age. I've never been diagnosed by any psychiatrist until last week where mine said I was literally ""textbook BPD"" and showed all of the signs. I just don't feel like I am. My moods are stable, not erratic. Obviously over the years I've tried to work out what could be ""wrong"" with me, I've had multiple therapists, psychologists, counsellors... I've gone deep into this mental health thing. I've tried lots of therapies. Never once have I thought I could have BPD, met someone with BPD and related to them, or read about BPD and thought ""gee that sounds familiar."" My main concern is that with a really well known/esteemed psychiatrist giving me such a strong diagnosis of ""textbook case BPD"", I feel like in the future I'll be constantly told I have BPD, and given the wrong therapies. Currently I am on a wait list for DBT therapy and am on Luvox which is helping significantly, but still can't shake the fact I feel like I don't show any classic BPD signs. Maybe I'm in denial.",5.908695937090433,6.708568637614678,6.775517693315859,74.21990825688073,66.75229357798165,10.815727391874182,31.626474442988204,10.7630783206399,3.4649190039318465,905,35,171,25,14,301,131,218,0.081,0.8240000000000001,0.095,0.2854,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,3,7,11,0,1,9,0,22,3,0,0,5,34,40,11,0,2,6,0,3,3,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,11,0,1,6,3,0,2,8,5,1,0,11,6,17,5,21,23,3,24,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,2,15,97,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638079373896876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7880948790986386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845250357268512,0.0,0.12490018309826335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736838341578176,0.1587776788651901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864694113598988,0.1676352088209679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503309182990324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314125520889158,0.0,0.0,0.0524273588315156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375747991056555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463895932602368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649748972905478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857971811368268,0.08520149089179416,0.0,0.0,0.07882456841169883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065189554354533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329879453215246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319364937392124,0.0782383941726886,0.0,0.050107958790326416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440249489843773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627320301938956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062464378902917485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26834464896737764,0.09081622969667448,0.051964050392552134,0.0,0.0,0.12419148334021028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473991278287809,0.0,0.10620872629065957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274114189410314,0.0,0.07032668101599843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056943073168194164,0.07943339126061265,0.0,0.0,0.17103651900681974,0.0,0.050369330044646304 bpd,Raphasaurus,2018/03/27,"Some sort of vent? Struggling? I don't know where I'm going with this but...I need to let things out. I've started DBT group and atm only done the emotion regulation and the accompanying mindfulness and so far it mostly seems to be just controlling the way you express your emotions, controlling yourself when you feel like acting/lashing out. I've been controlling this so well the past few months as I really don't want to hurt anyone or lose any friends. It's as if right now my mindset of other people are more important than myself is being further drilled into me when I'm trying to learn to look after myself for a change. I really hope the other modules help us look after ourselves...otherwise I don't see a point in this at all. I have made a promise though to continue doing DBT for the full 12 weeks so I'm not gonna stop but...right now I just don't knoe if the techniques I'll be learning are any different to what I already do. What's not helping is I'm having trouble in my social life. My high school friends are starting to drift apart but not from each other, from me. I feel they don't want me around again. I was made out to be the bad guy last week even though I didn't lash out at all...even though I had 2 people on my side, it was still apparently my fault (gathering at my house got changed after it was finalised and after I organised for college friends to come from over an hour away and no one knew until I brought it up asking why it was changed then everyone argued on what to do and I just told them to figure out what you want to do so I can tell my college friends whether to come or not). I didn't even argue...I just told them to finalise the plans so I can confirm with my friends...they had it at my house and then they left early...it was as if they were only there because they felt obliged to come...yet they still spend a lot of time with each other. And 2 other people in said group don't even come to gatherings if I'm there...I don't dare to bring it up because I caused a huge fight about it 8 months ago but...it hurts... I just can't deal with my thoughts...I don't have people to talk to when I need it anymore...my fears for the near future are starting to happen...I don't want any of this. I just want to move away...I might move to the other end of Australia after my next trimester or end of this year...too many good and awful memories here...I don't know how much longer I can handle it...",2.4688439890316047,3.922662226824457,3.523018232549191,91.82922066676292,75.64694280078895,6.3664598066099005,23.60845720883244,6.914303735213361,0.615943512772406,1907,57,422,18,41,614,234,507,0.086,0.845,0.069,-0.8384,2,0,0,0,1,0,74.0,1,4,7,5,31,19,2,2,17,1,45,1,0,7,1,77,85,36,0,12,19,0,3,1,4,2,1,1,0,1,27,25,0,4,10,0,2,9,18,10,1,1,21,7,50,9,72,57,10,76,0,3,3,0,34,32,0,14,35,276,77,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483307448658265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071041134802989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921054085060756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051140303163462686,0.0,0.0,0.06510897930521331,0.068374843006404,0.0,0.13743249578250902,0.0,0.06106778763274472,0.08916938642895482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513362650156133,0.2321132472145169,0.2520101717467284,0.0,0.0,0.2460939268726987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754028229339177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764144099307942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484631780129881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454246241666615,0.12955841866424278,0.0,0.0,0.19322977528470547,0.0,0.0,0.06988719434214533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230140919109752,0.07396228266379573,0.052250325969254524,0.0702246540372863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260272169132984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156642784462042,0.061345299784036175,0.05849572669055093,0.0,0.0,0.07241884521855993,0.0646763406667363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804670300185024,0.07727508774941963,0.0,0.07264326532424352,0.07202692001874728,0.16878455779141718,0.15659305423473374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039027059703385,0.0596178296624383,0.0,0.0,0.07946544816634682,0.0747893105093006,0.05166005058179657,0.03573189090579415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283623169482455,0.08182353484701588,0.0,0.0621799359260679,0.0,0.13841127649551282,0.0,0.07415119639385437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758863843769764,0.07384927152793201,0.0,0.116757278910605,0.1554697983558932,0.05376538472022674,0.10846288860238218,0.0,0.0,0.07778387303103812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956069880058177,0.11125060547317893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981919713708938,0.20282075568936447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913974387464313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370909126535644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492015791349023,0.06957168435041035,0.0,0.0,0.0740203031952693,0.0582821014553097,0.06658275626195857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455572842946452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530391646805833,0.0,0.11681737442031548,0.06114725630909785,0.0,0.07646048458508152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058786143702252436,0.06392647697418184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859012478565911,0.0,0.2155753035445271,0.0,0.0426477837867204,0.0,0.0,0.13977438868429065,0.0,0.049656399229886905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797689130661725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21569560047822092,0.058054122483410874,0.11733496102783253,0.0,0.06576050520531368,0.0,0.06599633116215485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047098946555370884 bpd,fxckwhatchathought,2018/03/27,"Using skills when shits cray Does anyone have any tips on how to remember to stay mindful and use DBT skills in weak moments 😅 I recently got into a new relationship and have been in therapy for about 4 months now. whenever I’m not with my bf I can remember to do opposite to emotion or another DBT skill if anything digitally triggers me, but in person I for the fucking life of me can not remember shit to calm me down or get me back to reality if something scares me or makes me upset. Ive had several meltdowns so far around him and honestly don’t know how many more he’ll be able to take bc he has pretty strong boundaries. Sos.",7.819088541666666,6.010141898437502,8.586250000000003,71.5004166666667,63.609375,12.595833333333333,38.52083333333333,11.538034831475384,4.331698958333333,505,22,100,13,6,172,95,128,0.075,0.784,0.141,0.9019,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,4,8,9,3,2,2,0,11,5,2,6,0,25,21,13,0,2,8,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,12,3,19,16,1,16,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,5,7,61,12,0,0.15370577164843854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452519551643666,0.16117390342650262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747464937378816,0.0,0.12648675348615473,0.1368307242830828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181902507065846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345089565744652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289830487322366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420985091071742,0.08030492171453646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293254687671712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447267234478358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856693213499546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259979612021007,0.155833527376704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519901277481524,0.0,0.12268648049118465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844999205934922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420995109542552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637402798883682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176590630037512,0.16502247597118386,0.5223560283846689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538862916087502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364377135426198,0.31555353157166405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833021239954447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382990137356465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556761136032342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757759454708164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655048718682597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,meatballncheese,2018/03/27,"I wanna get hit by a (slow moving) Edit: Using my throw away account. Also i fucked up the title. Its supposed to say car. Way to go me. I have an urge to get hit by a car. One that not going too fast, like 30mph MAX. Why I do think this would be a good idea??? I dont wanna die, I dont wanna get hurt. I'd be fine with scrapes and bruises and I dont want like actual broken bones or anything. I dont understand what makes me want to get hit by a car. The attention?? The injury?? Just being able to say I did it??? I dont understand. Normal people aren't like this. Has anyone else had this thought? Has anyone actually done this?",-1.5450000000000017,0.4276039117647059,1.551705882352941,96.04917647058826,98.11764705882356,4.1905882352941175,14.152941176470588,5.985473137389443,-0.7418635294117646,476,10,111,5,20,167,84,136,0.095,0.762,0.14300000000000002,0.746,0,0,0,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,8,0,17,3,1,2,0,21,35,4,1,7,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,8,3,0,0,6,0,1,7,7,2,0,1,4,2,13,5,14,24,0,12,0,1,0,1,2,2,1,1,5,68,21,1,0.11591259687014535,0.0,0.22622794790429074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269526183898744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16209756566744618,0.11876615341042872,0.09538619083080507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890370036886322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029897531226608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861883059221487,0.6792435012991744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683010110543973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715932801574718,0.2422381909945724,0.0,0.13175160001629346,0.09722198681876837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408683231084125,0.1308512129366116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698871195779927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737255848688768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319674644744835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356973435814345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854537548079593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035919991271846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435669884423084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427211172886293,0.0,0.09202165435218283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413382024382129,0.0,0.10011126729292803,0.0,0.0,0.1367365056516817,0.09200602410824152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459308962418334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234098312167751,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lanze666,2018/03/27,"no title is interesting enough for how i feel I’ve just broken in front of my girlfriend and she’s dealing with so much and i try to be as NOT myself as i can be but it always backfires and every time i talk to her it just reminds me of the mistakes i have made and how much i have hurt her because of my illness. She’s the greatest person, ever. But i told her i have to take time to literally find myself because i haven’t felt like i belong on this world for almost 13 years. We’ve been together for 2, and even when I try to tell her that she is not at fault, she continues to believe that the way i feel is her fault and that it’s her fault that i can’t solve my own problems with anyones help. I just want to be a better person. I just want to have one day where i don’t jump in and out of the suicidal thoughts and depression and self hatred and anger and self harm. I just want her to know that even though i’m finding myself i’m also finding the strength to learn how to accept love and to give the same amount of love back. but i think i’ve made it worse by telling her how i feel. and how i plan to try and get better. ",4.937757973733582,3.7409593861788655,5.748536585365857,87.55246716697941,68.95934959349594,8.544840525328329,28.272670419011877,7.010146845296331,1.1953612257661042,883,23,209,6,13,291,119,246,0.17,0.635,0.195,0.4608,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,19,17,1,0,7,0,15,3,0,7,1,54,35,28,1,5,10,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,10,17,0,0,12,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,6,4,39,8,31,26,7,18,0,2,0,2,26,7,0,1,9,148,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250369519761048,0.0,0.0,0.0978335425023445,0.10179489986384907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554147626120942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407026293206454,0.0,0.14915204800523485,0.0,0.0,0.1378328748020595,0.0,0.21639579111077875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889779898958067,0.1261249618996816,0.10536941961897957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640771242860713,0.0,0.1616060055671,0.11066159841230147,0.10307492350163573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855730936856326,0.0,0.11746353081015705,0.0,0.33544376331340914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063916482580102,0.1173576229303194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200048883670658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309652094618496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672336884856546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059768098908531325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208293902128731,0.2315180824169156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798648070591007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289930011537032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364140125210565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117060810002664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552501379077453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381776268362933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919828456416888,0.09833053785232557,0.21385736392961446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838916094963115,0.120196326380222,0.09712259562779263,0.14267238004921987,0.0,0.0,0.11689906797526245,0.0,0.24917812956818425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21647411861027865,0.09710609896869032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467273103197772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878157088385616 bpd,aequusnox,2018/03/27,"I don't know how to live like this. My emotions are never stable! First off, I'm a dude, which might seem weird cause mostly women are like this. I've always been a bit of a bitch. I'm SUPER sensitive. I can stay calm when the situation demands it but I flip my shit as soon as I'm alone or with my gf, who I have a super tense relationship with, as I'm, well, crazy. It feels like I'm never at a base level. There's no normal with me. My emotions are constantly changing. My decisions and ideas and beliefs are never static. It's maddening. It feels like add but amphetamines don't help my condition. My extensive use of psychedelics probably didn't help either. I just had a fight with my gf where I broke up with her, but honestly I was just looking for her to feel bad and ""approve"" of me. It's sick but I feel like I can't control myself. I think, ""How can I make her feel bad about not agreeing with my anger? I'll break up with her!"" Like what the hell is wrong with me. Every day is a struggle. I'm so depressed. It's excruciating to go one day without using. Even one day feels like an eternity of dessert. When I finally do use, it doesn't have to be good to be satisfying. For me it's like, ""yay, I got to get high."" The only thing I look forward to is getting high. I feel like such a piece of shit; I wish I was able to just live but without the distraction of drugs all I do is THINK and I hate it at this point. I have 1000 different thoughts going through my head and half of them contradict each other. It's laborious. I'll pick up weed crumbs off my carpet if I'm dry and I REALLY wanna get high (which is always). ",0.8496616541353391,2.885444576023396,2.9191027568922285,91.53805263157896,82.77192982456141,6.2477527151211385,20.882539682539687,7.447530270364453,0.6064729156223905,1263,38,285,20,35,426,171,342,0.234,0.616,0.15,-0.9905,1,1,1,0,1,0,49.0,0,0,1,5,15,31,7,2,13,1,28,6,3,9,4,63,61,21,0,4,14,0,7,9,2,1,2,0,1,1,19,16,1,1,15,0,0,3,12,15,1,4,7,9,42,16,40,51,6,31,2,2,2,0,13,14,4,5,23,183,61,0,0.08497189318187685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800525515425357,0.0,0.0,0.14140684416752308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189596305703567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276729982722297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728954088300818,0.08988899611546691,0.0,0.0,0.09182442971152187,0.09530320351020663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439952465893126,0.0,0.07318616708701575,0.0,0.0,0.08877754302950351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854041930032338,0.0,0.0,0.19116388585092384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612313405761892,0.0,0.07159248481343336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30075039618735083,0.3035196873365994,0.0,0.09308255558742022,0.0,0.0722770489325927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318292130592013,0.0,0.09658297014661484,0.07127039253679232,0.06795978530771453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389215273172196,0.08720567679638211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390973773835232,0.26933241128195123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592292458795326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466983302857746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736167742129846,0.0,0.15006347687369342,0.0,0.14270997910925054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056719398516466825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014175066903776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966066871187504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083254414077059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151583078198398,0.06462495374496972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032590439995546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161407251822344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443517060198666,0.0,0.0,0.09122801343403372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735522023166051,0.0,0.0,0.17444485454456146,0.0,0.0955119681191926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056873226174243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888310721296728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056451550144463215,0.10889311627255666,0.0,0.06745819173383745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22016530059058634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639993668463765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771348366835762,0.16381974559649987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290342608311944,0.0,0.0 bpd,Evernest,2018/03/27,"My experience with a BPD break up (BAD) I met her in tinder. At the time my brother had just passed away, I was getting over it. I was moving on, I started a business and made good money 12k a month. I’m 25 and she’s 19 (tooo young I know) when I first met her I was like “here we go, she’s gonna be immature. Nope, she was almost just like me. Very cool person to be around 10/10 the best feeling around this person. It was magnified. We hit it off pretty good. 2 weeks down the road we were hanging out every day. Things seemed like they were going perfect. About myself. I workout a lot. I also have a following base of 109k followers (my business) I’m told I’m very attractive by everyone and I also see it in me. I live at my parents. Abusive drug history that I overcame. About her: attractive and cutie, great body, in school for cosmetology, no job, lives at parents. Very abusive past. So back to the 2 weeks. She tells me that she’s not looking for a relationship. I asked why.. (seemed like she did but was holding something back) she came up with the fact that she’s too young to be in a committed relationship and she has a very hard time committing to herself and others. I told her that’s ok. And if she’s just afraid that I will screw her over that I won’t. That I would completely commit 100% if she was willing. If not then goodbye. She told me that I don’t want this problem. I told her I wanted her and all her problems. She started to cry and hugged me telling me how sorry she was for trying to push me away. How much I meant to her because I knew what was going on in her head. Things went really really well after that. We hung out every day. Also, she was broke so I got her an iPhone 8, some clothes, and gave her money for gas. About 1 months passes and we hangout everyday all day things are going really well. Tells me I’m the perfect man, and the best thing that’s ever happened to her::: the end.... kidding....she starts to push me away again. Tells me that I don’t know her, tells me she wants to move on and break up. I got really sad, we talked in the car for about 4 hrs. At the end she said she was really sorry and didn’t know why she was pushing me away. Things got a lot better. We hung out a lot and went out to eat everyday. She goes to a music show does acid and wants to hangout. (acid for someone who had BPD is bad) the whole night every ten minutes she would go from loving and laughing to trying to take me home and yelling at me. So I told her to take me home and drop me off. When we got there she said. Wait.. don’t go stay and talk. We talked a lot. So much as to get a hotel to talk more because it was 5am and she come to my house. The same thing happened she would be there and freak out and try to leave then try to stay for 6 hrs..... I told her to leave me alone while crying... I went home and passed out that day... I wake up to texts and missed call. My dad also said that some girl came to the door crying.. it was her I knew it.. I called her and she apparently was very very sorry for what she did. Told me it was the acid and not her. I took the story and forgave her. We also planned on moving in together. So things are really good again. Everything is perfect. She was the most happy I’ve ever seen her. We find a beautiful apartment (that I’m paying for) move in. I’m paying for everything. As things progressed she got more and more worried. About strange little things. I had to talk to her a lot about life. Seems as if no one raised her right. I taught her a lot about Instagram marketing grew her page to 30k followers, taught her about positivity and compassion. She was changing. Suddenly she comes home from school. Wants to break up. Tears start to roll down my face.. I said. Ok. Then go. Just tell me why before you do. This turned into a 8 hr crying on her part and mine talk. At the end I told her to get a grip on life and stop overthinking things. I told her that I loved her very much and it’s really hard to have you pushing and pulling. She told me that I’m trying to change her into something she’s not. I called her out on it and told her I’m trying to raise you up, to become positive and comprehensive about life. She later cried a lot and told me how sorry she was for trying to leave.. Months down the road things couldn’t be better/ we grew so strong together we had an amazing bond, we traveled around, went places, just had fun all the time. The best time of my life. She told me that she wanted to be with me for the rest of her life. Promised me to always take and work everything out. Things go on. And she suddenly wants to take a break from the relationship. I said. Ok. Is there a reason? She told me The though of not being w you scares me too.. but at the same time I feel like we need time apart to grow and find ourselves and take care of ourselves first. I wanna focus on paying off my college and tickets and starting my career but it’s hard because I really worry about you. I worry because you don’t have health insurance, no car, no job, and no plans. I feel that at this age and time in my life that is the last thing I should be worrying about. I wasn’t working because I had a business. I had some good plans to move to California with her. She totally was on board with it. Anyway this leads on for a couple weeks. I told her she was freaking out for no reason and everything is fine I have money to cover my expenses. Things went back to normal. But.. this time it was difficult. She would have burst outs very very frequently. I had to calm her down, make her journal or make her get in the gym. Always pretty much checking up on her if she’s doing ok. (Or else I would gets texts that I just don’t care) constantly had to prove myself/ I took her out to breakfast one day. Told her I was feeling like I was being taken advantage of for my good heart. Felt like I was being a victim. I asked her to move out back to her dads. She agreed. She later told me she didn’t want to and was gonna go to her parents house and talk. She came back the next day and wanted to break up. I was very sad. (Because I loved her very much) said ok with a lot of tears. I really loved her. For all her flaws. A lot of arguing and talking happened between us again. She moved half her stuff out and wanted to come back.... I was Personality over it. Because I loved her I let her come back. 4 days go by and she wants to break up. She goes. Moved most her stuff out. I try talking her to her she got really really mad and started throwing stuff at me while punching me. She left.... 3 days later I get a sorry text... I don’t reply.. bam.. she’s at my apartment on my bed. She knew the code to get into the building. .. we talked all day. She told me she met other guys and not one is as interesting and everyone is boring.. that no one is like me. I told her welll you wanted to leave so. She was still wanting to break up. 2 weeks down the road we get back together. I forgave her for everything. 2 days later we go to a concert and we get kicked out because I tried to get her into the 21 section. She stated hitting me in the face and telling me she didn’t love me anymore. We go back to my house I try to calm her down in tears. She called the cops on me. She got arrested when the cops saw my busted lip and bruised face. It’s been a month and Im like hat the fuck happened to her. The court system out a restraining order on her until the case is resolved. Keep in mind she’s avoiding treatment and her mood stabilizers. Sucks because I miss her like crazy. She made no contact with me (restraining order) I got so used to helping her everyday and she’s just gone. Feels like I lost my little brother that died again. Almost like l lost a daughter. I was pretty much her dad.. Is this something worth waiting for? Idk I love her very much and forgive her as well. Have any of you had an bad experience like this?? And came back later down the road? Who would put up with it again right?? Me.. I love her so much. I understand she has a problem and accept it and trying to get her help. 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Sometimes, I end up doing really stupid shit and it can oftentimes take me DAYS until I'm like woah wait, I should have NOT done that. I am worried that its going to affect my future. The sad thing is its not even my impulsivity because like I just said, it can last for days until I snap out of it. I honestly do not trust myself. If I can't trust myself... then what? I always ask others for their opinions and advice. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I dont. Its going to get me into trouble one day. And nothing illegal but I put myself in bad situations that can negatively affect me. I dont know what to do.",1.2471111111111102,3.6035898592592575,3.740740740740744,84.27333333333334,83.74074074074073,5.674074074074074,20.85185185185185,7.03164865440522,0.7480962962962963,521,16,100,7,15,181,82,135,0.155,0.789,0.056,-0.9027,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,3,11,2,0,1,0,15,1,1,2,0,18,27,8,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,13,6,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,6,0,1,2,2,24,5,14,24,0,19,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,2,12,81,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561849840261355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299217930985585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494203908800618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334521923130513,0.09743148202550024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30923327920385235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635625848640843,0.3746414368442293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17978834005047292,0.14156280809888447,0.0,0.0,0.10556685501275298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701018073631388,0.0,0.27250688804284445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783892677046216,0.1302835812105358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617068709108195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15336213615641886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830560863413387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16067428070257808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239181861502412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203586308562275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406420433078542,0.0,0.1796567183876414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4742307788225783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017300589098212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618460122393487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231611876201735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thatpandabitch,2018/03/27,"Everything feels like it’s too much and nothing at all at the same time? Recently I’ve been having some really bad episodes where I kind of just want to jump out of my skin because everything is overwhelming when in reality nothing is going on... I don’t know how to make this stop. I don’t have health insurance so I can’t get back on my medications or even go see a therapist and I’m just stuck in a cycle of crying, sleeping, wanting to die, and drinking. Now I know that the drinking is probably not helping at all but it’s the only social interaction I have and I’d be even worse off without it I’m sure. I just want to punch the wall, but I’m too exhausted to even move from my bed anymore. I feel like I’ve just become such a burden to everyone around me and I want everything to just stop. ",1.9786345381526118,3.8407437710843415,4.0091325301204845,86.03004417670685,78.1566265060241,7.800160642570282,25.52449799196787,8.648137234880735,1.8428165461847392,630,24,134,14,15,215,99,166,0.173,0.772,0.055,-0.9611,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,18,8,0,1,7,0,11,7,2,2,3,34,28,11,1,4,10,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,7,2,2,4,2,0,4,5,4,0,0,2,4,13,4,22,25,5,23,0,1,1,0,3,12,0,2,9,89,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303739773596528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702815235990716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108538663093146,0.10976443543778708,0.08013739926661391,0.14518833497978842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444037244732881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643575250320322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575634447620679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604862319736727,0.0,0.0,0.12561660948698278,0.3544459832072991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294125290906136,0.1878315149042774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868294137080083,0.0,0.14942462016042776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973688487131158,0.0,0.0,0.08811553045163734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689639121931713,0.14449504409494782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845039862868907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775123156996882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243311692727444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397222275906626,0.0966389536723072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25228073066426576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999820066784907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417371816853908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421727638135831,0.0,0.12980186795485354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475738863904163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131555929455312,0.13400792393083347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981454798073966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390042720440815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263634162951165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665596039231813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101563915207097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672370306781694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396997973528474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chaosbunnyclark,2018/03/27,"Tell me the worst thing you've ever done in an episode I had a major episode triggered by my own mistakes and stupidity. I threatened my boyfriend, tried to harm/kill myself and terrified all my friends at the party and even told the birthday girl she was a cunt. Oh and then the police got called when I was kicked out of the party and was sitting on the street crying and my boyfriend was yelling at me to stop being a baby and doing this to myself. I was arrested for assault of a police officer under the Mental Health Act when they tried to take me into their car to get to the hospital. I kneed one of them in the balls because I was afraid of them and afraid going to the psych ward. I was in a rage episode when they arrived I had just smashed my phone and was trying to cut myself with the knife I keep in my backpack. My other friend calmed me down and tried to reason with the cops but I was acting psychotic and swearing at the police telling them I didn't trust cops and I wasn't going anywhere with them and eveyone hated them. lol could I have made it any worse? My friend who's house it is told me i'm no longer welcome back (obviously lol) and won't speak to me until I've gotten some regular professional help. I probably lost a couple other people in my life from being 'close' with to ""wow don't talk to her she is crazy"". I totally accept the things I've done and I know this situation is serious and not funny but I need to cope with it somehow. I blame no one but myself, I should have drank so much that night and I'm mad at myself but that won't change anything. Even though I'm a BPD sufferer the onus is still on me. Forward is the only way now and I do have a strong support network. I am filled with unbelievable sadness and guilt as well as anxiety and terror for my approaching court date and the status of the relationship with one of my now ex, best friends. Plus how everyone who was at the party views me now. Please pleaseee share with me the shittiest thing you've done due to you suffering from BPD to show me I am not alone in doing shitty things due to my illness and I too, will overcome my mistakes and although must suffer consequences and it is not the end of the world. 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I finally saw a psychiatrist and they affirmed this. I had spent so long wanting a diagnosis to help me make sense of myself, and now that I got it, I feel like maybe I am a phoney who is just dramatic, and attention seeking so I tricked him into giving this diagnosis. What I thought would help me, has actually just left me feeling shitty about myself and convinced I am a bad person because I led him to believe I have it and he is going to find out I don’t which would affirm I am a horrendous person who is manipulative and attention seeking. Did anyone have a similar experience to this following diagnosis? I liked the idea of a diagnosis much more before I got one. Now I just feel weird and fake. 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I know it sounds really crazy, and I don't want to minimise or trivialise the experience of those who are genuinely suicidal. I am sorry. Just want that to be clear. I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate being alive. I hate having this constant fucking struggle that makes just basic life functionality seem like a pipe dream. I hate trying so so hard for so many years with all the therapy and trying to exercise and meditate and do everything 'right' and it not working. Or getting ruined by the slightest thing. And then being stuck in this horrible depression where just existing is so so painful I can barely even stand it. And I'm counting down the minutes and just trying to distract myself until the feeling passes. I HATE IT. But I don't want to kill myself. I don't really want to live, but I'm not going to kill myself. I still have this part of my that hopes. That says 'This will pass, as long as you are alive you have a chance for things to change. You're going to die in the end anyway.' And this part of me MAKES me try. After days of lying in bed and wanting to die it makes me pick myself up and do my washing or put things on the bin. It's like it says 'Ok, enough of that. Get back to life now'. But I'm still miserable, I don't FEEL any better. I still hate my life, myself the concept of existence. I don't want to keep trying. I don't want hope. I just want to be left alone. By my people, by life, by existence. I don't WANT it anymore. But this part of me won't let me. And I hate it, I'm so fucking tired. Am I all alone in this? Am I crazy(er than I thought I was)? DAE???",0.547392784206945,2.805765318584072,2.489085545722716,92.69903335602451,86.07964601769913,5.600816882232811,19.016791468118907,7.010146845296331,0.2729261175402766,1269,35,277,18,39,422,152,339,0.244,0.6629999999999999,0.093,-0.9939,0,2,0,0,0,3,47.0,0,2,0,2,20,24,12,3,10,1,27,11,0,4,3,53,66,30,6,11,15,0,3,2,0,2,9,3,1,0,27,14,0,1,5,2,0,5,11,18,0,0,3,6,42,6,40,56,6,29,0,3,0,2,5,10,2,6,15,195,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537976978791106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772780726235939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960407813872446,0.049074573126200886,0.07191222467109741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396748102831112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062072409427680476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424580236048206,0.0,0.0,0.07584441650085967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526313988535008,0.0,0.060449731690004026,0.0,0.14568067908139976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058630070821238035,0.0,0.06216255768499077,0.07251925964371644,0.0,0.046356142566551885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063077224485937,0.06865382281010239,0.0,0.0,0.07097469558526998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297687169380965,0.07333691760868409,0.0,0.07977483810902226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287144802429352,0.5543406165812601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941791564613093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238313065641354,0.15529730760898036,0.0,0.03857151765838391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625556959607324,0.07176831697527046,0.2478666309306207,0.06857711764394228,0.0,0.06197412212268503,0.062110996535083215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405459211108403,0.0711559784499936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468116332581562,0.0,0.0,0.2280086381227261,0.0,0.04865703462284239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055471968097471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992386371258633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993710483947639,0.0,0.1116269237170061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389325324641375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856570377102756,0.0,0.0,0.16814808757810654,0.0,0.0,0.07337198667050833,0.0,0.15354071188458854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026199238700185,0.0,0.13988221526864314,0.0,0.0,0.05571858389243047,0.0,0.08066665768594687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23825304548956364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37256926445472377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051095088231184034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04519646059802658 bpd,re_Claire,2018/03/28,"I fucking hate BPD I hate how I'm so numb to everything. I feel nothing most of the time and then randomly my brain will suddenly surprise me with a massive drop in mood and I feel like shit and do something harmful. I'll go from not caring about anything to feeling like I have tissue paper for skin. I hate how I fixate on people and they feel like my saviour. I barely know them but I love them and idolise them. Sometimes it'll be someone in real life, and sometimes it'll be someone online, like twitter. Then they'll not reply to me for a couple of hours, or show affection for someone else and I feel like they've ripped my heart out. And because I can't just talk about it I'll cut them off. Completely. I've moved across the country on a whim more than once because of an argument. I hate when I'm in relationships and I mould myself into what I think they want, make myself their perfect girlfriend. I don't even know who I am or what I want. I'm what they want. I'll wait on them hand and foot and just be perfect. But then when they get comfortable with me and stop trying so hard I freak out. I shout, I yell, I know exactly what to say to destroy them. And then I leave them. Im sick of feeling like I've been wronged and being hysterically angry and then years later realised that I was the one in the wrong. I was the crazy bitch. I hate being like this. It's exhausting and depressing. I have BPD and bulimia, anxiety and depression. I can't hold down a job and I compulsively spend all my money and can't deal with paying my bills. I just want to be a normal adult. Edit: spelling",1.589910384331116,3.7558803506097616,3.036363636363636,90.99651515151515,80.85975609756099,5.9269770879526975,23.049150036954913,7.106945922332613,0.7792142276422767,1257,43,266,16,33,410,163,328,0.23,0.615,0.155,-0.9853,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,13,2,12,32,10,0,11,0,21,12,6,4,4,64,50,35,0,5,9,0,9,7,1,4,4,3,0,1,11,26,0,3,10,1,4,2,6,18,0,1,3,12,52,13,33,37,3,29,0,2,0,2,21,13,3,4,20,170,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881440128326842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402430261774186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096699879740616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658729294720534,0.10041817644138727,0.0,0.0,0.09171388154203428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431483483371136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09953215500731248,0.0,0.0,0.09273840513595624,0.15495413086170642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514484690398987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941362832127504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084466402191952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729000268517726,0.32131501909876425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316082712037345,0.04699714130414141,0.0,0.05112281046675419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058092494587799,0.4440537102184091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659567139121584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858636095425355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097165526732313,0.0,0.0892652540746147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830874747522246,0.0,0.0,0.0952480727441334,0.0,0.0,0.06353702041629547,0.3076281380870325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118680532001528,0.0,0.060044851711308925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560664034402308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813561282949084,0.08631308524871274,0.0,0.0,0.09579784799714987,0.060955014485565076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623626300688548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238710365476628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657670359415996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153486236314811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233627027874844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22865265691276554,0.06925082042242743,0.17793319205521274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520539427966799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230144706674807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763875490560545,0.0,0.0,0.0524527769262663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107271704415977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222829814446895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967006910700556,0.0,0.0579272899498299 bpd,slyfoxbutnotrly,2018/03/28,"I feel like complete shit right now Hi, guys. I've been a lurker on this sub for a while now but never posted anything. But tonight my emotions are all over the place. Long ass post but I just needed to vent. I've been getting constantly sick for the past month. Three doctor visits in one month alone. I'm already low on money to pay my rent and I just can't afford this but here I am. Not to mention I don't get to see my boyfriend today like I was looking forward to ALL WEEK. Last week he had a migraine that apparently I GAVE HIM since I accidentally hit him in the temple. Wednesdays are the only days he has the day off, otherwise he isn't free to see me until 8 PM and we only see each other twice a week anyway. I don't want to come off needy so I never ask to see him any other days. And right now, I've hit my limit. I'm so fucking distraught that I woke up with pink eye this morning. My doctor said it is contagious but only if I touch my eye, I told him that and he still says we shouldn't see each other. For whatever reason, I got VERY upset at him. I'm a quiet case of BPD, though. I never actually told him I'm mad or upset, so just impulsively canceled all our plans for Friday as well. I want to make him feel as bad as I feel right now, even though it's perfectly reasonable for him not to want to get pink eye himself. I'm even thinking about finding some excuse to get out of seeing him next Wednesday and Friday too just because I'm so angry at him right now. For no reason. I'm just crying and throwing a tantrum all by myself. I don't have any friends in my town. My best friend lives an hour away and she's busy with her uncle's wedding. And now the only person I see physically doesn't want to see me. I'm having a hard time. This is mostly just a vent but I'm really upset. He said I seemed sad and I haven't responded because I know no matter WHAT I say, I'm gonna somehow manipulate him into seeing me anyway and I don't want to do that to him. I've been trying SO HARD not to come off as crazy and if me being sad alone in my room is what it takes, then I will do that. I'll be depressed the next few days but I don't want him to know how unstable I am and how him not wanting to see me can literally ruin my entire day. I don't know how many times today I thought to myself, ""I'm going to fucking kill myself."" Even the traffic back from the doctor had me wanting to harm myself. I know I'm overreacting but this has made me contemplate our relationship. Anytime ANYTHING SLIGHTLY BAD HAPPENS, I contemplate our relationship. Last time it was a fight we got into and me dramatically thinking he's just like all the other guys I know. I was fine once we talked but I don't dare mention that to him. And now this is making me contemplate our relationship because I feel I deserve better, even though he is so good to me. He just doesn't want to get pink eye himself but I just don't appreciate how he's dictating how I feel. I feel perfectly FINE. I swear I wouldn't touch my eye at all and would be super careful but I don't want him to know how badly I want to see him, so I'm splitting on him. He deserves so much better than me. I'm convinced half of the time that he's only still with me because I'm pretty. TL;DR: My boyfriend doesn't want to get infected with the pink eye I have so we're not seeing each other. I canceled our Friday night date because I'm a horrible person and now I'm a crying mess.",1.5640208355256249,3.2537857346101267,3.5984623803009583,89.29402525518259,78.79480164158687,6.085328843523098,21.916468483636745,6.9449145213752805,0.5221558286856776,2696,78,589,29,65,917,270,731,0.22,0.695,0.086,-0.9986,3,2,0,0,1,1,61.0,9,0,0,8,49,39,7,4,24,0,47,16,8,13,11,122,135,55,1,18,28,0,10,3,2,5,6,5,2,4,24,32,0,1,20,0,4,6,27,21,1,4,18,38,104,19,68,107,14,81,0,5,23,3,68,28,4,7,50,375,128,4,0.0,0.0,0.04914586051385891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431929097467448,0.055575508227176516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849551379327153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288695491332196,0.0,0.04708149279091817,0.0,0.04731657708388492,0.03872512224208212,0.12615001995335198,0.15350045571337642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285161115493756,0.08908185437398841,0.0,0.0,0.06342893506012341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05134722040919543,0.0,0.0,0.08676447771309956,0.05280339824941208,0.054423223845381966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064016409922688,0.16239600141806898,0.0,0.043376552038225234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546423356538561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056650256274406466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305399869372309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527866620933609,0.03597848619870578,0.0,0.0,0.04602978077155297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781881694893289,0.09311736124926197,0.15787179863540154,0.0,0.02862177647307245,0.04224109573850577,0.08055787811381875,0.0,0.0,0.09973221697240037,0.044534781111800315,0.0,0.09022857705736692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04959623695658175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055717879604841314,0.0,0.16606519792168514,0.08210319158464119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738127075741639,0.0,0.044470399754024025,0.044568615906620666,0.042291235363142034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476535610904066,0.06723379674744161,0.0510589694242988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803966304507933,0.0,0.03702172409915749,0.0373426430195747,0.11652639473153326,0.0,0.10712070979139256,0.04726114586333418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363368263485613,0.034126464949600116,0.19151212453534172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04807604496246797,0.0,0.08794797762426043,0.05261737112788677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646538289149087,0.05123606484588925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03226306424162572,0.15534098127583554,0.0,0.16220920549208526,0.0,0.17203483783336784,0.09581122562545676,0.0800994633079304,0.0,0.0,0.4815820940314064,0.045847499184067685,0.0,0.0,0.051695672912861576,0.041659808581976175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043801096711764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03786581253867017,0.040478914162395234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453962698968921,0.14844066404336806,0.03998165063991318,0.11746550260978593,0.0,0.09547421199349893,0.0962457328432632,0.0,0.034192362271982205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04155376649354546,0.3564563952153097,0.0,0.12119161548723015,0.0,0.04528131423221155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035775583950255346,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,witch-haus,2018/03/28,"What's the difference between an FP and a crush? And if someone who's your FP actually ends up liking you back, would it be a terrible idea to start a relationship? How are you supposed to start a relationship with anyone you like then really? If that makes sense...",4.4314705882352925,6.205067392156862,5.809950980392159,76.11727941176474,71.15686274509805,9.805882352941175,28.43627450980393,10.125756701596842,3.003074509803921,211,8,40,6,4,71,39,51,0.091,0.797,0.112,0.2593,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,6,6,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,7,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.2533984209616433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156583906792395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966859314474772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712976966839227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299886932415856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29313346159229553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253721247332346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333034514934811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663499112383348,0.0,0.0,0.5575723110399243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22001577605440076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675885640063215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844606318251156,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fuckinboxershortsman,2018/03/28,"Ran over a gopher on the road, want to exchange my life for his Distress distress distress. I feel like a monster, a murderer. I was on a highway off-ramp and a gopher was in the middle of the road. I didn't hit him with my tires but there was a thud on the underside of my car and he was flopped on the ground behind me. I've been driving for 8 years and never hit a living animal. I tried to get through the convoluted roadways back to where 480-W and 71-S meet so I could move him but it took ten minutes and he wasn't there. Holy fuck I feel like a monster. Taking the life of another living thing isn't... it just... it's a crime to me. You know? Fuck I feel so guilty. I exploded and screamed and cried and now I feel nothing but hollow bones and caverns where my lungs should be.",0.3759724005134757,2.60572611585366,2.0226572528883198,95.93492297817714,86.6219512195122,4.91604621309371,20.826700898587934,6.339386263674448,0.12618780487804934,609,20,137,6,19,198,92,164,0.17800000000000002,0.762,0.06,-0.966,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,0,9,9,3,3,16,0,11,7,2,0,1,23,25,14,1,3,4,0,4,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,10,0,0,5,0,1,5,4,7,0,1,9,5,19,2,18,11,0,22,0,0,0,2,7,13,2,0,6,91,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120308036112866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475440006431499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532006960514479,0.0,0.21077134813115106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880815013614191,0.2741584523688254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547802359967666,0.10024946516538327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545231902171588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710612662040519,0.1874859099770703,0.0,0.338867397184287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393824591843576,0.0,0.0,0.14798981009223786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411419062620926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427000216122646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274766536335397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220538019687308,0.0,0.0,0.21318592034317815,0.13027403475994584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131758910837609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356453339085965 bpd,WolfHaleyGolfWang,2018/03/28,"Why do I drive people away? In the past month I have had two close friends ghost me for no reason, one of them being today. I’ve gotten over the first one, but the one today is really tearing me up inside. I considered this girl to be my best friend. I always hung out with her, talked everyday, I helped her through her breakups and was always there for her, and vice versa when I told her about my mental illnesses. But as of today she has gone full NC on social media and won’t reply to my text asking what’s going on. I’m depressed, angry, and most of all confused. Luckily I didn’t split on her. I’m just at a loss as to why these people I consider very near and dear to me can just decide to end it all like that. ",3.55635761589404,4.00690400662252,4.834099337748344,87.2992284768212,71.84768211920529,7.629403973509934,22.384768211920534,7.554174236665415,0.7214418543046355,559,11,122,6,10,186,104,151,0.134,0.726,0.14,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,3,5,8,0,1,4,0,11,1,0,1,2,18,18,10,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,5,6,0,22,5,25,9,5,24,0,2,0,0,16,12,0,2,10,89,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738121800925773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381777781771702,0.0,0.1545858108897476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726690659117485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171353643233228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457289492763059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995317168273488,0.0,0.0,0.25423827465805204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350888838283927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028417262095776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803833663770105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581232591603706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133006524337162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344790081295549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570670334356503,0.22813535332378146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540517203384826,0.16916912306344506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772245414190315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224679711376508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678791046288924,0.1572200016695743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072653991301628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575839768671066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969340347160731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Whatstheheapsabout,2018/03/28,"How to find resources and support that are free/little cost? Due to current circumstances, I am unable to work with a therapist regularly (currently no insurance/unemployed but hopefully finding a job soon). Are there any workbooks/literature/anything that anyone can recommend that are free? I'm very low on money currently but if there is something that is very low cost I would be willing. For anyone who has been in the same boat, what helped you? I've tried looking up support groups in my area but unfortunately there are none. Thanks to anybody who replies. Feeling pretty down currently. Edit: Also wondering if anyone can recommend what they do when they feel themselves splitting/having irrational thoughts? 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I (20F) have been dating my s/o (22M) for about 2 years now. Our relationship has always centered around mental health as I was diagnosed bipolar in highschool but my diagnosis was changed to BPD in college. I love my s/o a lot and honestly couldnt imagine being with anyone else but sometimes I don’t know if were going to last. For one mental health is new to him. Hes done everything to try and help me. He studied BPD and different treatment plans and goes out of his was to try and make my life a little easier but sometimes I feel like im so psycho towards him. I honestly don’t mean to be and i recognize afterwards how shitting I acted, he always says its okay and he understands but i dont like to use BPD as an excuse. The issue is in the moment just say mean horrible things or i get really demanding and dont even realize till afterwards how the things i say genuinely hurt him. I cant continue doing this because I dont want him to feel like enough is enough and just dip out on me. I feel like i mostly take my frustrations out on him which isnt fair at all. I just want to fix this basically. Ive tried therapy and it didnt help me. Has anyone else worked through this in a relationship cuz i dont know what to do anymore.",0.9593406593406612,3.2180514358974364,3.3897692307692324,86.96773076923078,84.0915750915751,7.156483516483518,22.65311355311356,8.238735603445708,1.494248937728938,1034,37,218,24,30,357,143,273,0.085,0.748,0.16699999999999998,0.9647,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,2,10,13,2,0,8,1,31,7,1,5,1,47,48,24,0,5,9,0,3,4,0,0,5,3,0,0,10,16,0,0,10,0,0,2,11,4,0,1,7,6,36,9,32,38,5,26,0,2,0,1,21,14,1,4,14,147,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386667760312078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826363829468075,0.11652608083466992,0.17075338961127615,0.0,0.07417725078136232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050794375904393695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41978157728407656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814719941876978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457350280941475,0.0,0.08705728317710686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527078975670478,0.3906268811029151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392153193933834,0.0,0.0,0.17219477568522068,0.0,0.05503562508839782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488747523461066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639544149039722,0.17858299611766384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04353406991161645,0.0,0.04735573150152165,0.06988937217103554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714195675974284,0.0,0.0,0.11170248642296958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920153854768884,0.0,0.0900057049510541,0.08697004409085972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158689517315606,0.06792130285410775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058855177400653186,0.1628342794431825,0.08351391726657699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708402550612196,0.07520440521753366,0.0,0.05562033561395399,0.0,0.0,0.18153152460230987,0.0,0.0,0.16794476164821304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804761675213834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056463431358629135,0.06337270334924164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338036963149979,0.0,0.0,0.26838081100888955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19879105065656774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553230120272699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16482185527837862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265031289568053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952898295089406,0.0,0.11071535478471026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697173823586498,0.0,0.0,0.0867446552019901,0.0,0.07196637146895637,0.0,0.0,0.14744239722242208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066186623947172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053658810312450816 bpd,hollyando,2018/03/28,"Discovering this sub was bittersweet. I only discovered reddit a couple of months ago, and until now just spent about 90% of my free time on /nosleep. It occurred to me today to look up BPD on here to seek reassurance from other BPD people, and possibly get some more tips I can add to the seemingly endless tips I whatsapp to my year-long suffering (and very kind and very supportive) boyfriend. I got lost in such a rabbit hole, carried on such an emotional rollercoaster, any other terrible metaphors or whatever you can think of; reading posts from people like me, people who deal with people like me, all these different opinions on being in relationships with people with BPD... you know what it’s like, you read something and you think, yes that’s exactly it! If my boyfriend just does this then I’ll respond in a positive way and I’ll never reach that crescendo of boiling what-the-fuck! Then you read a counter-argument underneath and you’re like, no actually, that’s right! If he does that I’ll just end up finding another path to go down to suit my apparent need to go batshit! Anyway, as great as it was to see daily torturous struggles echoed so frequently and almost identically, I’ve come out the other end thinking that Nahhh. Even though I am making pains to address the issue and get help through therapy, it’s always going to be a parent-child relationship, and any attempts by him to make my pieces fit better together are pulling his own apart. I am, however, glad I’ve had this wake up call/moment of clarity now and not further down the line. Apologies if my writing is clumsy & difficult to follow; I sacked twitter off when it went to 280. 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How do i tell my therapist about this? Basically, i was diagnosed with adjustment disorder and depression 2 years ago, after being involuntarily hospitalized for an suicide attempt and threats towards staff (i have told them i am very sorry and that there was no excuse for my disgusting ignorant behaviour). But, ive done more research into this whole persoanlity disorder thing, because my half brother has a personality disorder and it runs in my family. And i realized that much of my behaviour sounds alot like BPD. I think i am/was misdiagnosed because i feel too much shame to really talk about my feelings, so i simply just say i feel down and angry with mood swings, have suicidsl thoughts at times and selfharm when i have anger outbursts. How do i talk to my therapist about this, like how do i bring it up without sounding like i want to be diagnosed with it? I simply just wanna know lf he thinks its plausible or if im totally wrong. Im really desperate to find the right therapy for me, and the right diagnosis would help. All tips are very appreciated. ",7.334759615384612,8.272218725961537,8.350000000000005,63.69500000000001,63.66346153846154,12.93846153846154,37.634615384615394,12.367839424501927,5.363853846153846,917,45,153,34,13,312,126,208,0.256,0.664,0.08,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,1,1,12,11,3,1,5,0,17,2,0,3,2,42,28,17,1,4,7,1,3,3,0,1,2,3,0,1,10,13,0,1,12,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,5,6,26,3,24,20,7,15,0,1,0,0,11,8,0,3,8,110,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.1040766263525373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454025331221387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002771266743954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686480409608549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185891042991697,0.21649836082797988,0.0,0.0,0.4889281260597465,0.0,0.0,0.1091416672810364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054168448255954,0.0,0.16177883728231734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974776765400046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071486353312927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456062526637033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861295801770021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563138279794494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680246945348258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931241076049555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664755676082602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215985384724004,0.0,0.08481367328370812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938779120767558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166595955518886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714451138055876,0.0932182435332031,0.0,0.12196545730613136,0.2476615731686184,0.07085461767911337,0.20501421400212835,0.0,0.0846694975141294,0.062189435166081636,0.0,0.0,0.10191022265577893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599756250761942,0.06290590680459321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907275920493865,0.0,0.10280838535722718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576227263910809,0.1166068375333148,0.0,0.06868016630932243 bpd,howmuchtho,2018/03/28,"Confronting a partner who might have BPD/BPD traits. Help? My SO and I have been together around 3 years. The the first year of our relationship was tumultuous, and it calmed down but many problems still persist. I could see obvious trust issues and figured it would just take time to build trust. That didn’t necessarily happen. When he got drunk he would, from my perspective, pick a fight. Year two I started more forcefully expressing my dissatisfaction with his behavior. He cut down on drinking. He also told me he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety years ago, had been on medication and to therapy and it didn’t do much other than make him upset (in therapy) and feel empty (medication). So I started seeing much of his behavior as a function of this anxiety and depression. I’ve spent a lot of time telling him that the things he is uncomfortable with are irrational and to stop taking his feelings out on me. I have offered compromises, but he can’t accept them. Some days he feels justified in his feelings. Other days he is aware that they are irrational and is apologetic. Sometimes he has said we should break up. Then he gets upset when I call his bluff. Others he shows up at my house telling me he isn’t good enough for me. He hates my friends, but was pissed at me for not inviting him to the beach with us. I’ve told him that I feel like he doesn’t see me as a whole person, just as an extension of him in a way. It’s difficult to describe. He denies. His moods fluctuate and he is very prone to triggers. He thinks very much in black and white. He will have depressive episodes, usually lasting about a week or so. After telling him about how his behavior affects me, keeps his feelings inside (but still behaves coldly if I am doing something he doesn’t want me to do, like go out of town), does not have explosive/violent episodes, is high functioning, but he seems somewhat tortured inside. I gave him somewhat of an ultimatum last week about getting help or I wouldn’t be able to do it any more. During this conversation he admitted that sometimes he just dissociates. I’d never heard this from him...thought it was interesting. Over the weekend we had a talk and he was obviously anxious. He says that therapy and medication have never worked for him. That this is just who he is. I tell him that’s not enough. It culminated in him passively telling me that maybe we should break up. I give him what I think he wants and leave. Tell him we are going no contact. Next day he likes my Instagram post. Then within the next half hour or so sends me a message trying to start an argument with me about the fact that I replied to my friends’ comments on the post. It’s this consistent contradictory behavior and irrational kind of outbursts that I feel makes this more than just depression and anxiety. I see a VERY obvious abandonment issue. I’ve brought this up in the past, and he denies having an abandonment issue, but admits he trusts no one. I feel somewhat guilty now, thinking he could be BPD, and thinking about how I have responded to his actions and feeling which I find controlling and jealous. I feel guilty that I’ve probably never really understood is intense hopelessness about changing, and have just demanded he change. I am planning to confront him about my suspicion that he might have BPD/traits. The past few days I have been reading vigorously about it and I feel like I’m kind of spot on thought I’m not a doctor. I want him to see a professional, but he is already adamant about therapy not working. My hope is that if I present it in a positive light then maybe he’ll come around, but at this point I know that’s a 50/50. I’ve read I Hate You - Don’t Leave Me, and I read about the SET process. I don’t want it to not go well, and am seeking advice. How has anyone else handled a similar situation? Or how has it been handled with you? 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bpd,roseicrcream,2018/03/28,"is it better to be mean to others or yourself i have struggled with self harm for many years and recently through therapy i’ve found it is mostly emotions stuffed up that end up coming out in a harmful way. i know many people with bpd lash out at others when they split or feel rejected but for me those things just shut me down- i suffer in silence what are people’s thoughts on keeping things inside vs letting it out and possibly hurting someone else?",4.498555194805191,6.3673136931818215,4.599220779220778,84.47954545454547,71.1590909090909,6.846753246753247,30.75324675324676,7.447530270364453,2.0121701298701296,367,16,66,4,7,114,68,88,0.156,0.823,0.021,-0.9091,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,2,7,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,20,13,6,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,1,17,9,1,17,0,3,0,0,2,11,0,3,4,48,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800111205243018,0.0,0.0,0.2392435968309537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363072866953374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868430416184667,0.21367552615596344,0.16824510141287805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604772793458513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827752790571186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033523916230572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884208975003787,0.0,0.0,0.1043951398037521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424341947003573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851722083611211,0.0,0.20691834627451056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633838770294559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141474434319752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875591545275552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981660863176621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094954944512266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858380668311204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172318442426518,0.0,0.2523973526850053,0.0,0.0,0.15080426460360033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077864989954248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232577583682892 bpd,knedals,2018/03/28,"BPD film - any, and all help appreciated. Hey team, this is a bit of a long-shot, but any help is appreciated! I'm a film student looking to do an experimental short on BPD.. It's essentially an assessment based around the use of sound and I would be wholly appreciative if any of you lovely folks would have a minute to either send me a bit of text, or more ideally, a voice-clip of you, talking about your experiences with the disorder, but in particular, the crazy mood swings; from dissociation to mania, from depression to self-destruction... That kind of thing. I'd be so thankful for any help you've to offer- I don't have any money, or even any prizes made of chocolate, but you'd be doing a very tired gal a very big favour. A million thanks!",5.650152207001523,6.055818383561647,6.658584474885849,76.21738964992393,67.21917808219177,10.050532724505327,29.235920852359207,9.994966539143718,2.560506240487063,588,19,120,13,9,197,95,146,0.091,0.628,0.28,0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,4,0,3,4,9,0,0,14,0,13,2,0,3,1,18,20,9,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,7,7,20,13,5,6,0,1,1,1,13,5,0,3,0,71,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5620384403128568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262454438692275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007693473924753,0.0,0.3469764928886888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864178300929065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787065285129787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909809730129544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474355833975274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698788429507304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344290038739202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190226767581633,0.11567326892942292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432256289561308,0.13034008441993533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437007605444164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107162816047352,0.0,0.2536389169838069,0.0,0.0,0.09151336692922298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832057198102345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896967627678826,0.0,0.2273123480723603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570384775241897,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,telavivyahabibi,2018/03/28,"Need a hobby to keep my mind off the what-ifs tl;dr I need a hobby to keep my mind off the inevitable doom before I bring it on myself I have my dream job and my first boyfriend ever (F28) who seems to love me and be supportive of my BPD and somehow resistant to my efforts to manipulate him and make him angry because anger = love It doesn't make any sense but that's not the point The problem is, I'm so busy counting down to the moment it all bursts violently and my life is ruined that I can't enjoy anything I keep pushing for a promotion at work (I've been here since 15 October) and bringing up marriage with the boyfriend (we've been together since 9 December, with a few days of not being together after I broke him up because I'm a garbage person you don't want to be with me etc) because I want to push everything FAST so I can check all the boxes before my life explodes I don't even know what I want because I'm so busy running around trying to keep my anxiety and self-hate in check. I thought I had gotten better but then I realized that my insecurities and lack of self esteem only show themselves when people are nice to me I work too much and eat sugar and don't exercise and have no interests. My life right now on days without my boyfriend is wake up > work > go home > eat a cookie > go to sleep He's a DJ so sometimes (most times, like 4-5 nights/week) he sleeps at my house, so my life is wake up > work > go home > eat a cookie > go to sleep > wake up > pressure him into sex because if the sex is good he won't leave me, right??? > go back to sleep I'm exhausted and my diet is garbage and I'm burnt out and I need a break Give me a way to use my brain before I loseeee ittttt please!! I'm a garbage musician but pretty good at writing and willing to try drawing I have two dogs but that's not enough Love you guys xoxooxox",4.555741106719367,4.173829512626263,5.636398770311812,85.31843873517789,69.53030303030303,8.705138339920948,29.591128678085198,8.18289091462,1.7879397452788757,1461,49,327,18,23,487,192,396,0.132,0.775,0.093,-0.9417,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,0,8,16,20,2,2,19,0,24,24,8,4,3,58,59,27,0,9,9,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,2,3,9,21,5,4,4,4,2,10,11,9,0,2,5,1,45,11,41,49,8,44,1,3,0,5,19,20,0,4,13,186,54,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513381561692909,0.0,0.06202219295211856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671785984454821,0.07217398528728942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062341710608431924,0.0,0.2471129962747205,0.0,0.2069666936580712,0.0,0.0,0.07170429509723696,0.0,0.0,0.10211118996603658,0.09050657128454777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104573402878714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24888005615301556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377220155735307,0.09042011432501117,0.05354930728175268,0.07333702626799707,0.0,0.0,0.0728650290870995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689623979077174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777457762288917,0.23038410244764804,0.13600381426046626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027704819062223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264977544441908,0.0,0.0,0.0935497247902947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804544791335963,0.28825292595664714,0.0,0.0,0.0445567283439733,0.0,0.0,0.08584677387130621,0.0,0.0,0.2290628279182788,0.03960917520197284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952019973245251,0.0,0.108236453683297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372538146385074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059599491916046514,0.18034837152435065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061661230511567376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620723283212724,0.07079160829207619,0.0,0.08899606083577583,0.07664213001686379,0.0,0.0,0.08248247500342923,0.0,0.07757787544449621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847530303108593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380768247511127,0.16915792232555804,0.0,0.0,0.13413224182403966,0.0,0.32453441417284995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018529962069168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920030083518075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436453520428913,0.047275514873749466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008927695325314,0.0,0.07919854524582683,0.0,0.0,0.07002281401463217,0.0,0.0,0.1434604989502731,0.06435360263202128,0.06503351643103844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078153457064241,0.0,0.23609441414171226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LessControl,2018/03/28,"In the psych ward Well I’ve finally been taken into a psych ward. I listened to the voices in my head too much and cut my arm up pretty bad. Then I started smashing my place up and my wife had to call the police. It’s one those “you’re free to leave” (but not really) kind of deals. Just feeling at my lowest point right now. ",0.632049689440997,2.586611086956524,2.4484886128364387,95.06478260869568,83.05797101449275,5.1022774327122145,17.10351966873706,6.18269132825596,-0.4274654244306415,251,5,57,2,7,83,54,69,0.126,0.738,0.136,0.1779,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,2,2,2,0,0,7,6,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,3,3,7,4,10,3,1,13,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,36,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326255227341044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730388418694599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756711410291821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352022779897804,0.0,0.0,0.2929167043917337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27442305693312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784493682197016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831312966371627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656512020362069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119287656555824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793694818979799,0.0,0.25277345519400685,0.0,0.0,0.2720355005136543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129923727503055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835274018678065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926262171276687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404190294107653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,graveyardbbygirl03,2018/03/28,alone ugh i'm v scattered rn please bare with me. it's almost 4am where i am. i came home for spring break (from college) just until tomorrow. today when i left my boyfriend to come home i started hysterically crying. i miss him so much. i'm so pathetic cos it's been LESS THAN ONE! FREAKING! DAY! and i'm crying over missing my bf that i'll literally see tomorrow. anyone else get like this orrr is it jussst me? i'm so in love w him & i feel like no one will ever come close...he's seen my worst sides& still loves me& vice versa. i just. love him. ugh pm me i need to talk 2 someone :( ,-1.609761904761907,0.02964631746031543,0.8797222222222238,98.10625000000003,109.63492063492063,3.687301587301588,15.567460317460318,5.7366,-0.642120634920635,460,13,106,5,24,154,88,126,0.252,0.61,0.138,-0.937,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,9,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,12,22,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,2,3,3,17,5,9,18,3,18,0,2,2,3,8,4,0,1,12,51,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466494762737991,0.14962643092328165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695966690364156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101616251930012,0.14802567830430288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523417766495252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488946964619496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173850726219465,0.0931706259172978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068540560435753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130680583249786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304792408037925,0.1032087628210932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547914852740832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898285982151797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696611341905048,0.0,0.0,0.14116062188072512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911670433883532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620142050099214,0.10712201634149564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957920190112016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858370224138424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512317816649538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240821018323185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225598139088117,0.0,0.11537321984386845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611880021767905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369398262998939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MotorboatBeatdown,2018/03/28,"How do I go about dating someone with BPD? Hi, first off I don’t know if this is the right place to ask this but here I go, how do I go about dealing with someone who has BPD? I usually don’t post anything but I have been dating this girl for around four months now. She’s wonderful. Every time I see her it feels like the aura of the room just lightens up. Either way, I feel like we are really connecting and clicking really well. I want to be a really good boyfriend to her But I’ve never dealt with anyone who has BPD or more importantly had some who opened up towards me about it. I guess I do have some questions about it. 1. What exactly is “splitting?” 2. How do I be there for her when it’s happening? 3. Is there ways to help prevent her from splitting? 4. What are things that have helped you in this situation? 5. How do I express to her in a healthy manner that what she said wasn’t exactly the nicest? 6. Do I give her space or be with her during her moments? 7. How do I help her over the phone (we live in separate places when college is not in session)? 8. Any advice? So far into this relationship I’ve come to learn a lot but I feel ultimately useless when she’s “splitting”. My approach thus far is being by her side and just talking. There’s been crying and I hold her while trying to sooth her. Or there’s other times where she’s “splitting” and has become rather irritable. She sometimes says things that aren’t the nicest, I don’t hold anything against her while she’s in this state but I express what she said was not nice and explain why, which I believe works. There’s other times where she is very sensitive. This has been a recent one where it seems as though she is very vulnerable. Unfortunately my dialogue towards her (or any of my friends) is we generally give each other light hearted teasing at each others expense, nothing to the point where it’s hurtful or attacking but just light teasing. The other day we were in the midst of one of our casual conversation and she had said a phrase that I expressed I didn’t like. The dialogue went as followed (was on a call using discord): Me: Oh yeah? Her: Yeah? Me: OOOOHHH yeAHHHHH? Her: YEEEAAAAHH Me: Ok! (Hangs up with intent to call her back immediately) But I was too slow. She expressed that it had hurt deeply and felt abandoned. She didn’t really talk to me for the rest of the day. I felt like I had just crushed her entire day and it hurt me deeply that I did that to her. I’m sorry if this comes off as rather crass or my terminology is poor, I am incredibly ignorant; I’m just trying to be a better boyfriend and need advice. ",1.345063734862972,3.795866162523904,2.790761950286808,90.57955274059911,84.31548757170172,5.7811217335882725,22.10098789037604,7.1686216300943375,0.7522928234544297,2045,70,428,30,60,664,233,523,0.105,0.775,0.12,0.7904,2,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,5,1,0,3,36,20,3,0,19,3,50,1,1,8,3,84,80,39,0,6,25,0,5,4,1,0,0,4,1,1,38,25,0,5,11,1,2,9,10,9,1,4,21,13,74,11,53,54,8,67,0,5,2,0,69,32,0,15,26,306,112,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297323086762205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341454992926008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583074201741936,0.0,0.13724383052112712,0.07423375261049,0.0779573145621724,0.09486685099609968,0.0,0.06412087546779974,0.0,0.0,0.09209642913674654,0.0,0.09395067394394628,0.0,0.07375065797142939,0.0,0.0,0.3150759980010321,0.0,0.17029867087408973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436642145553939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159873194969696,0.1613367217017739,0.08597023887549776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025869948375106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264917186314665,0.1191460168231674,0.1601327390043649,0.0,0.0,0.07093051000758903,0.0,0.0,0.06442601574555733,0.0,0.0,0.15998835956366894,0.142175409034815,0.0699426078642252,0.0,0.0,0.09186221546861127,0.0,0.07374048132899919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881618428915412,0.16768135760801486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678084537485176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045828329083579464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295831254681348,0.0,0.07363387897927348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089421505494636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665601814881303,0.0,0.0,0.0618317728664169,0.06431461897511097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001384697132385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301288065717875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424719180707368,0.0,0.07882941334839721,0.0,0.07986346388620638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341459221628688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21368412076425525,0.0,0.08233642555089328,0.08952841345099831,0.0,0.07121361905508218,0.2379656658670702,0.06631415750863814,0.0,0.0,0.06645011405833104,0.07591407374557049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373255702292403,0.0,0.0,0.14131019761438773,0.0,0.08247370117288966,0.09334698621377836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340495917793723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079968818871164,0.0,0.08192911803679255,0.0,0.145874120503479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323110561077393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202118924099356,0.09184103303950099,0.13760906265934095,0.04918490203943118,0.13238036941880113,0.0,0.0,0.07497658736237044,0.07730229589619356,0.07524546342103534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043164661095164,0.06070807321485465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nyxizine,2018/03/28,"pls i need someone I really need someone to tell me that im good enough... I'm feeling so alone it physically hurts, and the void inside me is bigger and bigger. I'm in love with someone who doesnt love me back, he's actually dating another person, and one of the things that he said to me when he decided to be with her was that she was stable.... I hate being the way i am. It seems i'll never be enough Im rly Sad.. pls help. I dont want the suicidal thoughts again .-. ",1.7172524752475231,2.8717501683168365,4.171373762376238,87.64240717821781,77.01980198019803,7.4262376237623755,22.525990099009906,8.07648339933343,0.9823356435643557,361,10,83,6,8,127,64,101,0.097,0.7040000000000001,0.198,0.8765,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,4,0,9,2,0,0,1,13,21,5,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,2,11,3,7,14,2,9,0,2,0,2,12,3,0,1,5,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.15947283927448122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692522355788317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713584994190701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565870514068436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152521289146107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377098982926412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262928132888596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370676472250414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134189228219575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953594607857177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494283662563315,0.0,0.35303994960152324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949830729313084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423454283261819,0.12603838739050596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073657482056112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426906920902756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469004722902656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544837372977555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877002441448645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4153917813625768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875326654281742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283493315843376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856796048251804,0.0,0.0,0.1297359997314389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638843914179028,0.12971396355595338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,freakedoutcat,2018/03/28,"Love as a reward I've grown up thinking I'm only worthy of my parent's love if I do things right. I'm only worthy of their sympathy if things went wrong when I took their advice, if I did something against their wishes and failed then I deserved to be miserable. They are only proud of me when I do something which is considered an achivement in the society like scoring well on tests and getting into a good college. Apparently it doesn't matter shit if I am good person who is polite to everyone, if I am respectful and have good ethics. I've never been praised for my efforts, only for better than average results. I am fucked up. I've put myaelf in a hole for the last 6 years for fear of failing. I am crying my eyes out right now after a fight with my mom. I am so fucking alone.",4.123414772727273,4.986242193750002,5.348977272727275,82.62011363636367,70.8125,7.8181818181818175,28.29545454545455,8.00094639256281,1.8145,621,22,122,8,11,207,102,160,0.17,0.5820000000000001,0.248,0.9294,2,1,2,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,4,7,5,21,4,2,7,0,15,6,2,1,1,16,26,13,0,6,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,9,1,0,4,1,19,12,22,21,0,21,1,3,1,4,12,9,3,5,9,83,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396555167499788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801750976575884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263972763480037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698612804048134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656202575704654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081983641770098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642464265103262,0.07466752722314945,0.0,0.0,0.359612593753644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649532745702712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982136644856543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25797390344074345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738107913551986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102253578668121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347751599738613,0.0,0.0,0.15869091368637833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478843093400666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366969936235874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440983642731351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467008584650868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22004689543367534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989361169749291,0.09157457627414213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878454298540268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128498330633783,0.13248423709672508,0.0,0.0,0.16434594158924365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625582533028926,0.0,0.09203299135369004 bpd,runningwily,2018/03/28,"Returning to School After Long Absence I have had a terrible attendance record all year long due to a combination of logistical/transportation issues and mental issues. I’m a senior in high school and so most people tend to regard my absences as senioritis aka laziness. I haven’t been to school in almost 2 weeks and I’m increasingly anxious about returning as it will bring an onset of questions and jokes from other students about how I’m never at school. I know I shouldn’t care about what others say or think but I honestly cannot handle the bombardment of questions and sarcasm I receive from others and not knowing how to respond. I am generally a very sociable person which I guess is why EVERYONE has no problem coming up to me and asking me about where I’ve been, why I haven’t been at school, etc. My absences are excused but the social aspect of it is what has really stressed me out. I’ve been gone for too long to just say I was sick, especially because I’ve played that card a couple times before. For those of you who struggled with long term absences, what did you tell others when they got all up in your business, asking questions/making smartass sarcastic remarks?",9.913660714285717,8.025198044642856,9.371000000000002,67.77400000000002,59.625,11.995714285714286,39.364285714285714,10.577609850970193,4.174163928571428,958,38,162,17,10,308,136,224,0.132,0.8,0.068,-0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,1,0,11,8,0,2,8,0,19,1,0,2,3,31,34,16,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,13,10,0,0,5,2,0,6,7,4,0,0,9,2,19,4,32,23,6,32,0,0,0,0,17,10,0,6,16,115,32,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168390180217258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600021984197265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853606281064815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798930700065325,0.0,0.09490612450012653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137150347797559,0.0,0.0,0.09607555698405013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340882621103755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438845800410547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657428747316164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920289977230897,0.0,0.122865858338475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784043548810795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328223517770335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259092512298644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39481176722075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239874253346424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602090450114461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732274033115336,0.09738606349722638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672174409213513,0.0,0.0,0.24988432938272614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145071228979219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739058089831686,0.0,0.5643853030472834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369355586823253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776034659780644,0.11659820860191053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748450768876248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146565938056762,0.0,0.0,0.06503562222182717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202616936976704,0.0,0.0,0.08946481529944174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012818524382491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718234108140202 bpd,Idkidkidk7777777,2018/03/28,"Talk therapy? Tell me what your experience like with talk therapy. Was it helpful? If so, in what ways? Do you think it's not helpful or a waste of time? Why? I am in talk therapy and I would like to see how your all experience are like with it and get some insights about it. Any responses are appreciated ",0.8364344262295091,3.3563459836065586,3.246045081967213,85.3710348360656,89.1639344262295,7.64016393442623,24.018442622950825,8.472884824447931,2.012686885245902,239,10,51,7,8,82,43,61,0.0,0.7170000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.9565,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,13,9,6,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,7,7,2,4,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,3,4,35,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376348529758033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35605391813932485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950853710326472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24397609477728074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667420811296116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502720716892842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388443464709138,0.15907248002756727,0.0,0.6243846816682032,0.0,0.0,0.1166156545691079,0.0,0.0,0.1061233006375902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144459912017207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642230350801989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928469947982849,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,alvxismsucks,2018/03/28,"i ruin everything i touch long, i apologize i'm dating a boy. we've been together for a year and a half, about. we haven't been very happy together since summer. I have, obviously, really bad mental health issues. they started deteorating with the come of fall, and into winter, and it hurt our relationship. but then I checked myself into a mental hospital. I came out happier. I'm in intensive therapy. im feeling stable for the first time in my life. and my boyfriend and I have been at an all time high. happier together than we'd been in a long time. I thought. he told me that he's been faking for the past few months. all of it. because he's scared of me getting sad again. and in the process he's completely lost himself and become more depressed and miserable than ever before. I. It feels like it is all my fault. that I am ruining him. why is it that everytime I think I'm happy, I'm just hurting someone else. manipulating them into liking or loving me. why can't anyone ever really love me? why can't I ever make someone actually happy? every friendship or relationship I've that's ended has ended because of me. I just want him to be happy. and to know that one day I'll be happy too. what do I do? ",0.8386033950617282,3.3625912386831303,3.639052211934157,82.4977141203704,89.28806584362141,6.658899176954732,21.99704218106996,7.8658589789855275,1.5789548353909466,953,35,181,22,32,335,134,243,0.228,0.636,0.136,-0.9795,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,3,0,2,2,8,21,0,2,10,0,19,4,0,2,7,37,38,13,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,17,0,0,5,0,1,3,3,12,0,3,9,3,31,9,22,26,5,34,0,8,0,2,19,10,0,2,23,120,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.09532568589220172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830306233977222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156222485226483,0.1190947605568272,0.10788452176077797,0.08312205750685472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172469886246124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414628681440536,0.1024200228246051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299822633876946,0.0,0.08413525638678314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160261266032738,0.0,0.17303841000669784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26508284818093,0.08230314969198241,0.0,0.08779225822715363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987841309315194,0.06978561039311924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309012870688537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05103596155947319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5199332246928452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383373429264124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320871816088384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091459080948895,0.0,0.10551569626596216,0.10195692330301577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05368468042269398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899723773802753,0.0954471296056019,0.0,0.0,0.17289488213830906,0.0,0.0,0.10663384113524896,0.0,0.17632760463597008,0.0,0.06520496053049482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968853915334477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797059468500471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619334048448383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325061995280834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515799685509066,0.0,0.0,0.20975254219293749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779892309704358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080537782210233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655350075181841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914137794752903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171039339304614,0.0,0.0,0.06259208960522789,0.0,0.07755034158527645,0.170881323796219,0.0,0.0,0.0933414371175213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059969346318772,0.057616670745136774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26443438400178404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290542065083987 bpd,christophernottchris,2018/03/28,"just some complaints and general sadness I don't know where else to post this or who else to talk to so I guess I'll just post it here. My life keeps getting worse and worse. Three years ago I had everything. I was in love, I was doing well in school, I had friends. Fast forward to now: the love of my life broke my heart and stomped on it, all my friends have abandoned me, my best friend literally died, I failed out of school, and I have nothing going for me. I have no one to talk to. Sometimes I make light conversation with my mom but that's it. I've tried to kill myself loads of times but I'm not any good at it and I always just end up embarrassing myself. There's no point of this post, I don't know what I'm looking to get out of posting it but I'm hoping it will make me feel a tiny bit better maybe. If anyone else feels hopelessly lonely and a burden on everyone around them, feel free to PM me, I'd love some distracting conversation. I hope you're all doing better than I am. Thanks for reading <3",1.5324999999999989,3.4573844198113237,2.7930566037735858,93.9175094339623,79.80188679245283,5.93811320754717,20.97735849056604,6.961326702584282,0.2728860377358493,795,22,181,9,20,256,123,212,0.194,0.624,0.182,-0.0023,0,2,0,0,0,3,23.0,0,0,1,4,10,25,1,2,3,0,13,6,1,2,2,36,35,12,2,3,9,1,3,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,5,1,1,2,5,10,1,2,4,5,27,16,27,30,6,23,0,6,1,3,13,12,0,7,7,111,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560703757419033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974408238003319,0.0,0.0,0.07334516576371622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541479290969809,0.11051029455314866,0.0,0.09601390463349012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318727216903242,0.19077814045804656,0.11774983377755928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193656453837064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27029728641107165,0.0,0.09552760453962733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306016903158008,0.0969332083580721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360433606709088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499857456014782,0.0,0.11269967524468735,0.0,0.06129653822892407,0.09046373981024301,0.0,0.0,0.11881455113422355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780881150340115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21424889849405965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586656754840477,0.11932568687502305,0.0,0.11854868340634613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236249202035135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057111907865396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920303131154416,0.0,0.14398823205409753,0.0,0.1083549435597588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631858829543502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348987626657788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308540632931056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195793031319078,0.0,0.4131814833882901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788428602560347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831023639971428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667145066388314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337968604114706,0.0,0.09929848428134938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289117551870466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322653236124563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697468679143552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982712020430026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945514752591332 bpd,Catjuggler89,2018/03/28,"Well what an interesting 4 weeks I’ve had Gonna try to keep this as short as I can. Met a guy 4 weeks ago randomly. We hit it off right away. I’m 29 and he’s 51. I’ve never been involved with an older man but we have a good connection so I thought why not. Only problem he is married and I’m in a 10 year long emotionally abusive relationship ... I cheated once before, SO kind of knows about it. he said he never cheated on his wife but I don’t know if I really believe that. I have a history of getting involved with “taken” men.... I know..... anyways I was upfront from the beginning about my bpd and various mental disorders. He said he was okay with it. We text everyday. We met up a couple times. He tell me he is addicted to me and even dropped the love bomb. Meanwhile I’m loving every moment of it, the attention, the affection, being wanted. Things I haven’t felt in a very long time. Everything is good for the first 2 weeks then the crazy kicks in. I start feeling a distant feeling from him, he denied it but I couldn’t stop thinking that he was getting annoyed with me being so weird sometimes. Then I start sending him bitchy text messages. He keeps his cool and assures me that he’s not ignoring me and he still wants me. Things get bad with my SO and he seems distant when I needed him. So a few days and a missed date (on my part) I keep up the passive aggressive bitchy texts and he doesn’t talk to me for a few days. Then yesterday he tells me that we need to end things. So I completely broke down and blocked him. So long story short I drove him away with my neediness and mood swings..... like I do with every other person in my life. TL;DR I got involved with a married man and I drove him away with my craziness. ",1.0171056062581485,3.296302005649718,2.783333333333335,91.27446544980444,84.02824858757063,5.890656236418947,22.9187309865276,7.2200825789825185,0.8892999565406341,1346,49,286,20,39,445,180,354,0.16399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.127,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,5,0,0,1,14,22,4,0,20,2,18,4,0,1,3,59,56,29,0,7,6,1,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,5,15,26,0,6,10,0,0,3,8,10,1,1,15,6,46,11,37,36,4,50,0,2,0,2,50,16,0,3,31,176,61,0,0.0,0.11836346767686899,0.0,0.10890418482353688,0.0,0.0,0.08855405309577212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28157397960035274,0.0,0.08341113160676297,0.0,0.0,0.08500632358530685,0.11255147689310448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581874942072555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474174801465808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053586551376217,0.0,0.12885262405859513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449241386133872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237244314528093,0.08848047988046577,0.0,0.0,0.06598206207152471,0.0,0.16833770444697307,0.0,0.08978239152136971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102343530615288,0.0,0.09591829157411083,0.0,0.0,0.0849736710020661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657863603006067,0.0,0.0,0.16758035855220288,0.07989801082629269,0.0,0.0,0.09891528846046073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266383312197175,0.0,0.1040289858818371,0.16470492138175155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705613130084928,0.04880539430748223,0.0,0.0,0.2652212674610571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032471604148206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006742602619762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481470448883912,0.1540958685572569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638871470172456,0.0,0.0759773626503515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818041421988966,0.0,0.0,0.0872275764071836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558943808597152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399758078098151,0.0,0.0,0.10725367615583377,0.0,0.08531283133034817,0.1900528296310717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094390448049104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880223826161726,0.0,0.14141744136824244,0.0,0.07977912553773893,0.08351967610262337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029468495717096,0.17463150347339765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991045091231915,0.06401096871818586,0.0,0.07930830430184492,0.1165033168571338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782457023318074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242678091604344,0.11784552750911585,0.0,0.24039781664988066,0.0,0.08982081006757289,0.0,0.09014291949195004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433140256031518 bpd,4-8-15-16_23_42,2018/03/28,"Does anyone else have trouble staying on medication? So many times in my life I have gone through the cycle of being depressed and anxious only to find peace through therapy and medication. Yet, I always find myself in a position where I'm avoiding going back to my psychiatrist. Not showing up to therapy. Letting my meds run out. And slowly but surely I find myself returning to my lowest place, almost voluntarily. Has anyone else here struggled to stay on medication? And if so, how have you coped with this problem? ",5.5521774193548366,8.081771032258066,6.580309139784948,68.59046370967744,69.86021505376344,8.520967741935483,33.13037634408602,9.188382445141503,3.5505279569892476,418,20,62,9,8,139,66,93,0.17800000000000002,0.763,0.059,-0.8841,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,2,2,0,6,4,0,1,1,17,9,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,10,1,15,6,0,17,0,1,0,0,1,8,0,2,4,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235524713253905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829062056923945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060320372877002,0.0,0.19880670495046776,0.2913246416989341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931421706027186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244438623566213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440739559843067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375171183049933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898019545330478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079424685787129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537082758725572,0.10041360530180783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413050090920734,0.0,0.0,0.15791053220181764,0.4296414043291584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812101674080894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852959514648753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360303500280821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030527017693353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861915220456084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398651026318265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32515050509324017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289611953391261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,milkybunny_,2018/03/29,"Attempting to look less eccentric/camouflage in public + needing to change clothes multiple times before leaving house Does anyone else struggle with feeling they need to tamper down their personal style/look less noticeable when going out in public to ""normal"" places? I'm going to the pharmacy today to pick up my duloxetine and I'm overthinking wanting to wear a more showy jacket. I feel like the pharmacists are all going to think to themselves ""look at this unstable person."" I already struggle so much with figuring out how to dress/present myself to the world, but when it comes to something like going to the drugstore I'm even more hyper aware of it. It's so easy to manipulate opinions through cultivating appearance... I feel like I have so little concept of who I am/what I want but in a way makeup and clothing help me feel more prepared and real/present in the world. Anyone else struggle with feeling so physically uncomfortable in certain clothes they have to change a few times before going anywhere? Even clothes I like, certain days it's like my skin goes haywire and starts crawling and I feel like I can't leave the house wearing a certain item. I've had to stop at Target before work a couple times on days where I left the house wearing something and by the time I got close to work my brain would feel like it's shutting down and I can't think straight until I get something different to wear and change into it. So many times in my life I've wanted an invisibility cloak because I hate feeling like people are staring at me. I've complained about this to friends/family and the response is always like ""you're overthinking it. If anything people stare because you're so cute/beautiful"" whatever. Gotta love BPD/body dysmorphia and having no true concept of what you look like. I feel like I'm wasting my youth not appreciating my appearance. I've spent so much time hating my body/features of my face that is technically I guess imagined/me heightening tiny features others don't see as amplified as I do. Makes me so self conscious sometimes too. I feel like I flip between feeling all powerful in public sometimes when my meds/coping mechanisms are working well, and feeling completely crippled and analyzed by everyone around. Also just being a woman in my 20s, I get so tired of feeling like people are belittling me when they talk to me. I'm so hyperaware of how people treat me when they interact with me. Sometimes I can brush off bruskness with someone being busy/distracted, but my pet peeve is feeling like people (usually men) are chuckling as they talk to me and treating me like I'm an idiot. I have a girly voice/look young and always feel like people are laughing at the way I say things sometimes/my appearance. I get so irate sometimes voicing to friends/family how obvious it is to me when someone is treating me like shit because they think it's funny/they can get away with it. That was one of my first clues toward realizing I have BPD, when it dawned on me most people don't take slights so personally/view them in such a black and white way. Dunno what all I'm trying to say here. Just feels so hard being in my body sometimes with no true concept of anything.",5.454571376011773,7.178909471854308,5.6645342163355386,78.35713980868286,68.51986754966886,8.282796173657102,32.627520235467266,8.778014704023537,2.860536615158205,2587,116,445,44,45,820,268,604,0.101,0.7190000000000001,0.18,0.9924,2,0,4,0,0,0,59.0,0,1,8,6,35,37,4,3,20,0,29,12,9,6,9,87,87,47,0,8,7,0,18,17,0,2,2,3,1,5,20,28,0,1,22,0,1,9,7,8,1,2,4,30,60,29,74,78,13,70,0,0,8,1,26,35,1,8,40,273,80,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313704946014949,0.03850722402592676,0.08013282384536126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733814815751868,0.09867505167668496,0.07925016546545276,0.042865585689093634,0.0,0.0,0.04524049130623856,0.0,0.0,0.08805923581361255,0.0,0.1229216941045217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697227556472914,0.12129179082688958,0.0537536783008584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528156391671613,0.041478778068740285,0.05048656996484166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053279392540822486,0.0,0.06210825332776874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050308705062248014,0.0,0.0,0.042138234919115836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044981634977245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360802748360417,0.0,0.0,0.04601140349014345,0.0,0.0,0.09078704553381556,0.0,0.3895544484485004,0.343998761617634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040958159163191336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062995781236282,0.0,0.13682976553899354,0.0,0.03851164020165861,0.0,0.053044976581222925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04313483146404865,0.09508047699438267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03227534353869377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666832056548102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197226124800904,0.05231740712335235,0.0,0.03401125848611791,0.3999196979065741,0.04826106304982936,0.0,0.0,0.2021782199486213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0434591581932757,0.0,0.03214190654414414,0.048818680570455034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079468086969158,0.07140835711273016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047178842982184,0.0,0.054821495040816084,0.0,0.0,0.032629115122337536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23367826537572245,0.08408912821520896,0.050308705062248014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480764167458642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658497923449692,0.0,0.0,0.03837099645444736,0.0,0.050233151083263206,0.0,0.0494274477386276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159825108620906,0.11120953760489098,0.2381183343426741,0.0,0.03408231045985361,0.0,0.0,0.040257319081651324,0.0,0.15101711724494815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036204393228241434,0.07740568219899903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03199012148354548,0.09256178110343513,0.0,0.0,0.16846729128925747,0.055343765626440285,0.045642568882406885,0.0,0.0,0.032692121100877485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053032744985780166,0.0,0.08520408407925413,0.11466270805378123,0.0,0.0,0.04329452866435509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516592612792383,0.0,0.0,0.034205876553745164,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WhisperingFlame889,2018/03/29,"I don't know what to think or feel about yesterday's events So, yesterday after not being able to see a doctor to talk about medication use, I told my partner I thought I was having a depressive episode because all I wanted was to curl up in bed and watch Netflix and not do anything. My partner and I have been together for 2 years. But, in response to my statement, he says"" well you can't, you have things to do."" And, when I cry, he tries to "" fix it"" and tells me to stop crying. So, I didn't cry in front of him; I went to my best friend's apartment after eating with him at a restaurant. And, I cried as soon as she let me in the door. Her and I talked and watched Netflix. Then, I came home really late. When I came home, I noticed I kept getting stuck on his words when he would say anything and it just escalated the situation. He now understands that I just want him to listen and be empathetic. But, I can't tell when my own responses to things are self sabatoge or if they are appropriate. I've also realized that when I go into a depressive state, I don't want him to talk to me and his voice is annoying. And, I feel bad for saying this but it's true. I also feel like my own partner can't relate to me emotionally.",2.5917716535433044,3.9305046732283486,4.229141732283466,87.36182283464571,75.1023622047244,7.599685039370079,25.692125984251966,8.238735603445708,1.4488730708661417,953,33,210,16,20,320,138,254,0.08,0.855,0.065,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,1,1,16,9,1,0,6,0,21,3,0,1,2,45,42,30,0,5,10,0,3,1,4,1,2,5,4,4,9,16,1,2,9,2,0,5,8,4,1,0,11,11,42,5,32,27,4,31,0,2,3,0,30,9,0,3,17,149,51,1,0.1098389393854514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567632028565938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077617646011696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171092641128877,0.06695679796119455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526919036098968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25125297045925443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4826116691026725,0.0,0.0,0.18920823508822954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242480873538507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239265631259553,0.0,0.12355402289156805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661360413243045,0.0784689602438243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486129210192997,0.0,0.0573863123938586,0.0,0.062424000492103476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203548238466267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060364608549818476,0.0,0.12390310787423467,0.0,0.0,0.11231775733744903,0.0,0.05366175760459915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065117578834352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250523604979249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036563715710603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620449996345767,0.0,0.0,0.0875274137947829,0.0,0.11458596876159625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346356994040365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183027158837057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26485313655884946,0.19200814874022093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594422137354354,0.07038035725621145,0.0,0.08719984874346035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049558136271368,0.0,0.0745734298253806,0.0,0.0,0.11434620957850435,0.0,0.09486557731345956,0.0,0.0,0.1943575568349873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875839763384316,0.10182179723955792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802643110629733,0.0,0.0,0.07073267575314482 bpd,bumpy_turtle,2018/03/29,"Books on BPD Going to post this before i feel guilty lol. If you go to libgen.io and type in 'Borderline personality disorder' in the search bar it'll pull up a list of free books on BPD you can download (free meaning pirated.) Incl. Randi Kruger's guide, some books by Marsha Linehan, etc. Not in any way representative of the full literature but free so why not :P ",3.0155714285714303,5.515852842857144,4.492857142857143,80.66214285714288,77.71428571428572,7.428571428571428,24.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.7391428571428569,289,10,55,6,7,96,57,70,0.099,0.789,0.112,0.2469,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,8,6,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,4,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,6,11,5,3,12,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,0,29,5,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702910606386656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308506334715271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6307788658491968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28699774594920474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792793678286181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661755151754026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846336878454717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727757848387696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21865307027059835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23982873414288694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876809042690602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259609509045929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayy179,2018/03/29,"I think I've hit a new low... My fp decided last week that he needs 'space' and said he doesn't want to hear from me until he figures things out for himself. He broke my heart and being a typical borderline I coped by doing something dangerous and impulsive in a desperate attempt to get approval. I've done some fucked up things but honestly this is a new low. I arranged to meet with some guy I met on a sketchy hookup app who was 7 years older than me and has a girlfriend. He took me into the woods and I just let him do what he wanted with me. It was pretty rough but I enjoyed it. The only thing I wouldn't let him do was c*m inside me (condom broke whoops) so I let him finish in my mouth instead. A stranger in a public park. Classy. What makes this 100x worse is that I'm supposed to be in a relationship with someone who I've never actually had feelings for but really deeply cares about me (we've not been together very long but it's still wrong). So not only am I helping him cheat but I'm cheating too. I feel like an awful person and I don't know how to sort out this mess. 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I wear so many masks in so many different settings that I don't know which is real, or if any version of myself is real. It's so depressing, I wish I knew what it was like to just be yourself. I used to consider myself a leader when I was younger, but I am realizing I only identified that way because I learned being a follower is bad and a leader is good. I just found a bunch of old diaries (grades 2-6 I think) and had the sad realization that even back then my identity was constantly defined by whatever I was obsessed with at the time. I know that your likes influence your personality, but I'm talking more like in one diary I was obsessed with Harriet the spy, so almost all the entries in that one is from when I was a ""spy"" and it's full of snooping around the neighbourhood, judging everyone and everything in my secret book, only consuming spy-themed media, etc, etc. Like my whole life became journaling and spying. The next diary, I was obsessed with something else and reading it is like I'm a completely different person in that one. And they're all like that. I even had troubles understanding the events in some of them until I came across an entry about being at summer camp...that is also boarding school...that started early in February.. that made it glaring obvious that most of the events in my journals are entirely fictional. They're all so judgemental too. I used to think I was nice, but maybe that's also just a mask. 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For those that have this symptom, can you describe what this means to you? and how it manifests? ",2.43333333333333,5.084441222222225,2.342222222222226,94.30000000000004,81.22222222222223,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.1990592592592586,111,4,23,2,3,33,22,27,0.076,0.8240000000000001,0.1,0.1877,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4355221390624245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516413937888516,0.3555418891705219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24314076057164735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5421181966164225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172789110427269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Princess_Lexi_,2018/03/29,"I haven't decided whether to tell my FP that I'm going to kill myself. We aren't close like we used to be. It's been... two? three? years since I last saw him. I barely even know how to contact him anymore. I guess it couldn't hurt to try and figure it out - there aren't really any consequences if I'm dead, are there? I just don't want to hurt anymore. In the past three years, I've essentially let my life go. Other people have kept me alive during this time, but that's changing as of today. Not only do I have no money, I have no desire to continue existing. I don't see that changing, and I don't want to live on the street. Killing myself is faster than starving to death, that's all. I'm sorry, Jack. I tried to live for you when I couldn't live for myself, I really did. But I just can't do this any longer. I'm sorry.",0.3698938826466929,2.249162556179776,2.4531835205992536,95.08766541822723,83.5505617977528,5.5285892634207245,17.192259675405744,6.691623216298621,-0.26899350811485645,637,13,150,7,18,214,100,178,0.193,0.755,0.052000000000000005,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,2,1,0,0,7,5,2,0,2,0,20,1,0,2,1,26,34,9,4,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,3,0,1,2,12,4,0,3,4,2,24,1,18,26,1,16,0,2,2,0,7,5,0,2,10,94,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904668744405928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777682858658586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962919674520144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249649305319027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917831705640606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542721729302622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998359508902738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098716920591625,0.0,0.07696348137720148,0.11415301102727067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320254587645773,0.09891588400858264,0.06841750126915858,0.0,0.3709792471301108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650833538621417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368604033109951,0.09708756630298172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942912362187866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159543055812028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584428075611927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31353135402251403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240297696657028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165968067706138,0.0,0.13274354582523493,0.0,0.0,0.1901588005118267,0.0,0.13680079280221882,0.0,0.0,0.12095141952053408,0.0,0.0,0.16520092998579716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18036505508336187 bpd,DryExercise,2018/03/29,"Just diagnosed, trying to understand. Hello! I was recently diagnosed with BPD and I'm trying really hard to come to terms with it. I've also been placed in a queue for DBT but from what I heard it seems to completely miss the mark for me. Although I admit that I've only heard my psychiatrist briefly explain it to me and some googling, no actual experience with it. As for my story and what led me to be diagnosed.. It started a little more than a year ago when my mother got worried about my mental state(It was real bad at this point) after being isolated for about half a year. She convinced me to go see a doctor who I was completely honest with regarding suicidal thoughts and even eventual plans. He prescribed me like 100 pills of sertraline and told me to come back frequently for check-ups. It didn't take long until I took a huge overdose of sertraline and stayed up for 3 days straight until I got some form of short-lived mania(only lasted a few hours) and got put in the hospital. After my first hospital visit they prescribed me more drugs which I overdosed on a few times until I eventually tried to hang myself and nearly succeeded. Then I was put in the same hospital again and after THAT visit they sent me to a specialized psychiatric treatment center(not sure if that's the right name, English isn't my native language). I met someone from the depression team who I told about a sexual assault I went through a year before and she promptly sent me to the PTSD team. I talked with the psychiatrist there and told her that I have had problems with self-harm/attempted suicide(mainly different ways of choking, no cutting) since I was 13/14 years old and that my mental state had a tendency of jojo-ing up and down. Some days I went from being happy and loving life to wanting to kill myself over the course of a few hours. After a few months of seeing this psychiatrist she diagnosed me with BPD and queued me up for DBT with the personality disorder team at the same treatment center. However looking at the criteria for BPD I don't feel it reflects me at all past the self-harm and unstable mental state. And even then that unstable mental state isn't reactive, I'm usually not extremely affected by others actions but rather it kind of just does whatever it wants. One minute I'm happy and the next I'm suicidal. I don't have any unstable relationships since I don't really have any relationships at all and I have no issues with abandonment because I can't really get attached to people in the first place which my doctor argues is my way of avoiding abandonment. My impulsiveness only goes so far as that I'm bad with money, other than that I'm a very risk-free person. Anyhow my goal with all of this is to gain more insight into how this illness(sorry if that's the wrong terminology) works on a day to day basis to help me understand and accept that I have BPD or help me move my treatment in a more productive direction. Sorry for the long read, I tried to keep it short and to the point although I probably failed at that ;) Thanks in advance for any answers!",7.57075,7.289836369491526,7.840625000000002,71.68839512711867,63.271186440677965,11.510593220338983,34.369703389830505,11.01651812556555,3.813936440677967,2478,94,444,61,32,812,275,590,0.161,0.74,0.1,-0.9921,2,1,1,0,0,3,51.0,0,0,2,12,15,26,4,1,34,0,25,10,0,3,4,77,67,39,3,6,9,1,2,1,0,0,9,2,0,2,33,35,0,4,11,4,1,17,11,14,0,4,24,7,58,12,90,40,18,93,0,5,3,1,36,32,0,8,39,307,91,10,0.0,0.0,0.0640223660379961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058156100125471365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524654008350397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13384377067108694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050447258937496506,0.10955717895951107,0.03999304218067235,0.0,0.05582619985082704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305157712458292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302817965059675,0.1375740888623012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924275838796465,0.0,0.056506681600870974,0.26635639123437393,0.0,0.06854470669725479,0.07519059886424123,0.13430182609730226,0.05741258793477185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760825757085941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666479453326932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417563151656745,0.0,0.0,0.033172558529476294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160951184200407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03427662734844261,0.0,0.037285619396164836,0.0,0.15741425338537265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967842943923325,0.05877043282033177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794915129203076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921814384127248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684760188475871,0.0,0.05831396770037936,0.07258374246832483,0.0683189521811307,0.0,0.05347795856618817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633972857084901,0.032051964859692667,0.06575483124749817,0.0,0.11611916900207216,0.05509283838573948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921232216138005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26446321337866713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236638904196937,0.0697292025040655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977313267900283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884286284637331,0.0,0.04445658307213938,0.0997932213172532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262871615358769,0.04548320540403919,0.1145699262743416,0.13708941339450958,0.0,0.1240384757090403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073477723995733,0.06277644825870445,0.0766903509730031,0.13190507117207942,0.0,0.0,0.06562413708511061,0.07467442699438258,0.12608738681881054,0.0,0.0647783884647629,0.14087340581910293,0.0,0.056027492671276234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045595864332896,0.0597255871399663,0.13688353151689353,0.0,0.0,0.10854055605989453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555880754711601,0.0,0.0,0.14688194913764746,0.046436535608397465,0.06992767514145128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435254694549486,0.0,0.06183323962016307,0.0,0.04932783525060578,0.05273192558292238,0.0,0.06040154303173016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208413985039438,0.03825560955840918,0.0,0.0,0.18806913155836266,0.07289110555834806,0.1781697103432183,0.0,0.0,0.1365971170103888,0.0,0.0,0.07225616214734228,0.05413213688581102,0.07739268907033615,0.10415058630422756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163554876903072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776222824038367,0.06662646661325948,0.0,0.0,0.0717302808202432,0.0,0.1689934388192702 bpd,likegregorsamsa,2018/03/29,"Just today I started to think that I might not be depressed, but in fact... ...dissatisfied and furious and very, very tired of it. And I don't know what to think about it.",5.078823529411763,4.940550999999999,5.616470588235295,85.07411764705884,68.41176470588235,9.15294117647059,28.764705882352942,8.841846274778883,1.8424000000000005,130,4,29,2,2,42,26,34,0.253,0.6990000000000001,0.048,-0.8722,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,11,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28311337764623296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064782654795705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487043592338028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326592903675365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212421442113888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777983670468027,0.3115741727439743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5424325647434222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Madamecoco,2018/03/29,"Sometimes I just want to get into the next airplane and leave everything I know behind Just wanted to get this off my chest and see if others have the same feeling, hell maybe one of you even did it? Like, I just want to get away from everything I know and see where the next airplane will bring me to and what I'll experience there.. like a new life, nobody knows who you are. Then my rational thinking kicks in and I stop dreaming. And I drive home, as I do every day.",3.5511879699248112,4.733873442105266,4.111278195488726,89.75894736842108,72.47368421052632,7.112781954887217,24.09774436090225,7.447530270364453,0.8548796992481202,367,10,79,4,7,116,65,95,0.084,0.82,0.096,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,6,3,1,0,4,0,5,2,1,0,0,21,19,9,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,7,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,3,12,2,12,17,1,13,1,0,2,0,3,5,1,1,8,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060333065632505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710609868534942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993394669086525,0.0,0.1529916210357334,0.0,0.32639042250088685,0.17762314699092516,0.0,0.0,0.09181388792761802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846090770276489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821426876242654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993800230024498,0.0,0.0,0.19227031914514453,0.0,0.0,0.1282575367775631,0.17742469317661236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242466337174693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537412121497753,0.38623144358650857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230454302221917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893964944553133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795903614494773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181162981041849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163511395196404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32130730922097245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hikkomijian,2018/03/29,"i feel guilty for being the way i am i’ve always felt like i had a happy childhood. despite the circumstances of being the child of a single parent coming to the US. just the two of us, we moved around a lot in the first three years in the country but we had a lot of support from family/friends who immigrated and made a life for them first. i feel a little out of place here. i was never sexually abused, i was never a victim of extreme violence and the only thing i notice looking back at it is all the micro aggressive ways my mom and some of my relatives manipulated and emotionally abused me. when i was 4 my mom told me she loved another kid more than me as a joke till i started crying. when i was 7 her and my aunt convinced me that casper the friendly ghost was actually evil and i started bawling and shaking till they told me they were joking. when i was 8 i accidentally fucked up my aunt’s computer and she screamed at me to get out of her house and my cousin had to coax me back inside and tell me it was going to be okay. my mom would slap me in public for being disobedient or being a “know-it-all well into my late teens. i remember being 3 and being in a strict early learning education montessori school and she called me an idiot for not understanding how to subtract until i started shaking and crying. i remember her being furious at me for not having the proper motor skills as a kid to not spill some drinks every once in a while. and honestly i could go on. all of these things i thought were normal parenting. because in between these events she showed me she loved me. she held me when i was sad. played games with me, and took me to amusement parks. she told me she loved me and i don’t doubt that she does even now. i had a lot of good memories with her. our family friends, who we were extremely close to, loved and supported me and took me on trips to disneyland, fed me and clothed me, and thought of me as their own. it took a really big turn when i was in high school and i was slowly discovering i was gay, y’know your typical coming out in a religious household story. i’m absolutely sure that played a big part of it but those events are so recent, i just can’t believe these recent events had such a huge emotional impact on my psyche. it was never an issue when i was a kid. i never questioned till i was 16 so it’s not like i had a traumatic outlook on the way i perceived my sexuality from a young age. all in all i just feel guilty for being the person i am now. i know that i’m genetically pre-dispositioned for depression and anxiety and that probably plays a big part in the way my brain developed because people have had it so much more worse than me and i still turned out this way. the worst thing i think i’ve had done to me in my household are screaming matches over a disagreement in beliefs. whether it was escalated by me or my mom, i don’t remember. i have strong feelings of abandonment and get jealous easily to a point where i lash out and push people away. when i have very depressive episodes i have violent thoughts that lead me to want to inflict major, gruesome pain on myself and others that i feel like have hurt me. im needy and constantly feel like im a burden to my loving and supportive partner. i just feel like i didn’t always used to be this way. all these things that happened to me are supposed to be a cultural norm. family messes and jokes with you, they discipline you but they love you and provide for you, i never had to worry when my next meal was or if i would have clothes to wear to school and i feel like everyone goes through it in my culture but maybe not ? i’ve had people go through a similar upbringings and turned out fine ?? i wasn’t always so fucked up. how did i end up this way. i feel weirdly cheated somehow. i’m really sorry this was such a long rambly disorganised post, it’s 3am and i can’t sleep. ",3.3848666472497304,4.823813184010152,4.811992177748191,83.57142007156531,73.251269035533,8.060614129982524,26.242905883331947,8.651367575944494,1.8109230007489383,3071,105,627,57,61,1026,329,788,0.157,0.679,0.16399999999999998,-0.6295,3,0,1,0,3,0,57.0,6,5,6,5,32,58,10,3,44,1,65,17,3,6,11,124,121,65,1,6,18,9,10,6,3,2,2,2,0,6,34,51,3,3,23,10,0,14,16,25,1,4,47,13,126,33,93,60,19,109,1,5,1,9,65,44,2,12,49,468,160,7,0.0,0.12459321531555675,0.051308770255275936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124790376492046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513286098110393,0.04022220382137453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046805774008464515,0.0,0.0,0.04939898004590823,0.08085883040611977,0.0,0.06410240483270664,0.0,0.0,0.05923766289489561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869469594845236,0.05368825381022258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058298311909817,0.0,0.05681839039214132,0.0,0.041979440187758836,0.0,0.1155094386672185,0.0,0.0,0.09057110892860293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601156543258298,0.0538057864484569,0.0,0.051506650943696684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828686907481704,0.04656870780039262,0.0,0.0,0.034727426578464754,0.0,0.044299428420655824,0.050240754184303016,0.0,0.0,0.09913215620037873,0.0,0.2392662065976468,0.15024759873572213,0.0504833484070398,0.0,0.0,0.0894460351247607,0.0,0.0,0.1218654356223213,0.09721545711400488,0.0549399126143885,0.0,0.0896442633011144,0.044100126723123065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046494757209307534,0.05597050600615156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055551789204503634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606682208230465,0.056286085160755256,0.0,0.11358702677802862,0.05487801430146522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866868643510464,0.0,0.059310536217605986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037137560419470535,0.15412241093121803,0.052697201594362114,0.0,0.04653008107373724,0.04415247299306827,0.0,0.0,0.134100398741006,0.2847234448276937,0.04975079472143818,0.0,0.0,0.05282190137269956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24631596098059794,0.0,0.05588234007536362,0.038651050493300906,0.0,0.2027578705999676,0.0,0.055917546572602346,0.0,0.05151550427005558,0.0,0.05986066599667291,0.0,0.055994101466189584,0.0,0.03998811495471805,0.05594694624273842,0.0,0.116763809581792,0.11387420380941453,0.0,0.1093533782474255,0.04590928443573413,0.05493306208110894,0.0,0.049703424340742895,0.0,0.0503554126086671,0.0,0.05668822724091702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889965330609642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736592394950429,0.0,0.1038293226861682,0.0,0.17868266315648446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963593441488896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261620370303621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058857026452896186,0.11164543039075632,0.0,0.04198904425876682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899546491186846,0.049554361735514425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595569253796127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972256509194245,0.033690008262662885,0.0,0.12522373027926878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072226255290902,0.17524905217623887,0.0,0.17157005567465552,0.0513612930728401,0.054735794129036015,0.12649027941788227,0.04541071128550817,0.0,0.04338254811221531,0.031012003684706163,0.29213907457161936,0.0,0.0,0.04727414525873101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05339574714173656,0.05358171063082212,0.07470013541158192,0.0,0.0,0.033858657777037546 bpd,xxgardenfairy,2018/03/29,Loneliness * tw/ self harm I can’t stop feeling extremely lonely and complaining about it to my boyfriend. We’ve been together for two years and lived together for one year. I don’t know anyone else except my coworkers and my immediate family. I have no friends. When we fight he usually says things like “I can’t deal with the stress of having a suicidal girlfriend” or that he doesn’t know how to help me.. I’m not even asking for him to help me I just want consolation... but he always wants to break up so now I just try to keep my feelings like that to myself but lately it’s been so overwhelming I can’t help but try to talk about it sometimes. He’s supportive and tries to make me feel better but I can’t help but remember him saying those things . It repeats over in my head . Sometimes I try really hard to hide how crazy I am to him but I forget he already knows the truth. ,2.5755898876404517,4.563576151685396,3.863356741573035,87.17908005617979,76.80898876404493,7.820786516853932,23.484550561797754,8.660442795831766,1.5549876404494385,697,22,145,15,16,228,106,178,0.14400000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.159,0.6895,0,2,0,0,1,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,11,12,1,2,3,0,11,1,1,3,1,33,24,16,1,2,11,0,4,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,9,6,0,2,7,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,2,6,24,6,21,22,0,12,0,2,0,0,23,3,0,1,10,92,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643929117847734,0.0,0.11041819261008208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927879020913046,0.13596826292895858,0.0,0.0,0.12405789261959795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736360158927107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368093131837157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108549891402477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764802103799288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509906676442975,0.0,0.20129344033183655,0.09480190437622878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025247699739152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188743863062169,0.0,0.1361899174524821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557877961509884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117951098720937,0.0,0.0,0.2187876516905458,0.0,0.14969295563636847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966239892268622,0.0,0.11717776456101445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857921279538218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992190079879159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501191279217166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032481396299785,0.0,0.0,0.21105895393060808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384364979431383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624901491671402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094430968516604,0.15200900166284312,0.0,0.0,0.14515378977153134,0.15058797248579314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666035609399838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632182299760685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3603821506667429,0.0,0.12962998238914772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615184064351971,0.0,0.15654144399360806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091069748314086 bpd,stitchingpixie,2018/03/29,"My boyfriend was asked by his friends to hang out Saturday night and he implied I don't let him go out at all. He is going out Friday night with one of his friends which I was perfectly fine with. Then yesterday morning he sent me a message saying ""sounds like it mate"" and then said that was meant for another of his friends. I asked him who he was supposed to send it to and he told him that his friend had asked him if he wanted to go and watch the boxing on Saturday night but he said no and the friend had said that it was going to be a good match which is when my boyfriend had responded to me with ""sounds like it mate"" accidentally. I asked how come he didn't want to go and he said he was already going out on Friday night and I jokingly said, what, are you not allowed out two nights in a row? He said nooo that's not what I was meaning, just don't really fancy it. Well yesterday evening he was on his phone next to me and the message he actually sent his friend was ""sorry I have already used my pass out for Friday night"" and I am freaking out!! It's like he's saying I don't let him go out. I'm trying to rationalise it... he's trying not to bum out his friend by saying he doesn't feel like it, would rather spend Saturday night with me, didn't actually say that **I** wouldn't let him go out... but this one is really stinging me. I know he struggles with anxiety sometimes and there was one time he was out and was feeling nervous so I gave him the option to use me as an excuse if he wanted... not feeling well, water leak, whatever. Maybe it's this?? ",1.6527897435897432,3.522026673846156,3.0854615384615407,92.23670512820514,79.18461538461537,6.425641025641028,22.21794871794872,7.42949916751922,0.6782717948717951,1219,37,273,17,30,398,132,325,0.07400000000000001,0.782,0.14400000000000002,0.9718,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,0,1,9,20,0,2,8,0,33,1,0,4,2,56,68,21,0,8,10,0,3,4,9,2,0,12,0,0,21,28,1,0,6,1,1,14,12,3,2,4,28,16,36,17,39,34,1,47,0,0,1,0,68,16,0,3,21,173,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.13642412511635796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427220133120806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329597149851279,0.053473109365923734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613872825102677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06021243620227908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616811867579743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603022557544554,0.04993638783967642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780305572123458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178050622199408,0.05862858509168752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841506877327615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21443165836240088,0.0,0.13659792771946996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022368345509207,0.07614130808704755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433916591516883,0.4591731924409619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209761744075186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955912597146304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989439546569632,0.22234831356738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913262966155967,0.07824703555393675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307438454827896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04075910020024548,0.0,0.0,0.06679219654533383,0.0,0.09491466951324057,0.0,0.06828188862689186,0.0,0.0,0.1207418639584321,0.0,0.0,0.12368603212692275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569652079866078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965476939369167,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CuteYou,2018/03/29,"I miss my old life I lived abroad for four years, and came back to america last july. I went from a big city to being back in my small town. I have no friends, and the boyfriend that I made back in September went back to his country (where I was living) and left me alone. My vice has always been a cycle of wanting men (for validation and love) which goes a little something like: convincing myself that I need a boyfriend that loves me and treats me right -> sleep around -> 'wake up' and realize that sleeping around wont get you anywhere if you just want somebody to love you -> settle for the first guy that doesn't try to ONS me -> meet a few times, let him get to the point where he wants to make things official -> freak the fuck out and ghost on him because I need the freedom to open up tinder multiple nights a week and just have some fun -> repeat previous steps until you loathe your life. I miss being single. I feel like this relationship is one that I've always wanted. A nice sweet guys who actually wants to settle down in the future, wants to have 3 kids, a nice house, the whole package. He's from the country that I spent the last 4 years living in. He loves me to death and I know it. Sends a lot of messages and validates our relationship like crazy. And we're so close that I can only think of a few times where my BPD sparked up and I got a little obsessive. Thats how attentive he is to me. I hate how 50% of the time I'm really to get married within the next year, ready to take that step in getting a house, maybe starting a family, settling down. But the other half of me craves that life. I tell myself, you're only 24! You're still young. But part of me is thinking, you're 24! If you don't settle down now you probably never will! You're just going to get sucked back down into the cycle wishing you did! I miss the obsession. How knowing I was going out that night would be on my mind so much that I couldn't focus on working. I miss shopping for 'going out' clothes. I miss picking out makeup for nights out, testing out and finding the perfect scent. I miss wanting for something. Thinking about people and the joy I got when they would message me to come over (even when it was just a drunk booty call). I miss the rush of skipping out on my freelance work just to go out and have fun with random guys, even though I knew that the less hours I put in, the less I would be paid that month. I miss getting shit faced drunk with guys, and the feeling of having them hold me and walk down the street to my apartment or to get a taxi to their place. The (albeit vague) memories of them holding my hand and guiding me into their apartments. All the different apartments I got to see. Seeing each other off in the morning. Waking up to embarrassing surprise hickies from some guys, and trying to hide them while taking the train home. I miss how replaceable the pain was. He hasn't called me back like he said he would after sleeping with me? Cool, I'll just open up tinder and find 5 new replacements at the cost of 1. I miss the shame of walking into the same love motel (google it if you don't know what they are!) or bar with a different man. Somehow it made me feel good. I felt attractive and wanted, and proud that somebody could notice that. I even miss the feeling of walking around my city at midnight for hours, blasting music with my headphones in, feeling sorry for myself and pitying myself for not having a stable relationship. ""If somebody...anybody would just love me and treat me right, I'd be with them in a heartbeat! No more of this stupid lifestyle""",5.140181311018132,5.566435096234312,5.188853556485356,86.24007252440725,68.3305439330544,7.823821478382148,27.64881450488145,7.471455274886353,1.360475927475593,2832,84,581,26,45,885,325,717,0.109,0.764,0.128,0.9704,2,2,2,0,0,0,96.0,1,9,8,5,35,49,5,4,48,1,37,22,8,8,3,121,111,43,2,22,16,0,7,4,1,7,4,1,1,8,29,50,3,2,17,5,4,16,10,23,0,4,19,13,84,26,100,77,15,116,0,12,2,7,55,63,3,11,41,385,113,3,0.0,0.0,0.055716385948263024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591330970403405,0.0,0.0,0.09501506044917472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247969633386185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26341472109844183,0.0,0.03480452084605975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190902731473317,0.0,0.1166005521198815,0.06530135486057481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491822004571402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558563145747365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930403605478099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313192808611995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05382399000467032,0.0,0.1443444836779962,0.04078860766546269,0.0548200572692157,0.0,0.1043674077029772,0.04856489241272165,0.0,0.0,0.044111377782685326,0.05278331464340392,0.2088080996650517,0.0,0.12979338872692406,0.04788849291550065,0.13699202072869235,0.0,0.0,0.28266463513967754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636939293810125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727083950866785,0.0,0.11245395038205384,0.1317596968063653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413359093966944,0.09307992701896148,0.0,0.0,0.062033775447153015,0.05838340311463998,0.12098344820272065,0.1115747358329712,0.11444817748766803,0.1512475270589698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048540041886903806,0.3091822560083192,0.1080491489521687,0.03811128881639141,0.0,0.05735950070056079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057649572645833966,0.0,0.045572604124747215,0.0,0.04197132061197895,0.08467028917807289,0.04403510634221108,0.05514260979170147,0.06072107342698831,0.1607390866135791,0.0,0.0,0.06500292159014942,0.059911492709523874,0.0,0.038688981580566766,0.08684648784508651,0.0607529986389921,0.0,0.0,0.06182821238386725,0.0,0.03958241444796951,0.0,0.0596520180273905,0.0,0.05397313480212211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155795845356466,0.0,0.0,0.05739614379133552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036576454667084576,0.0,0.0,0.18389566492603246,0.0,0.0975174645539861,0.05431032409757778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099448572160694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586070939393956,0.0,0.0,0.1714083984900814,0.0,0.0,0.08790888619661998,0.0,0.06391306564747551,0.040412063785993636,0.0,0.045596060554181535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585651786702098,0.0,0.04990345878931825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03793131429389245,0.10975231877261844,0.05609544894714972,0.0,0.0998774852640123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752737800944051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26940840838388563,0.0,0.04579808452891552,0.0,0.0,0.10585508783324256,0.0,0.06374441640061107,0.06565631679361643,0.0,0.0,0.08313153377714615,0.0,0.0,0.20279289263180295,0.0,0.0,0.1103017301921166 bpd,OratioFidelis,2018/03/29,"Is anyone else addicted to love stories? I have a s/o who tells me she loves me every day, but I'm ashamed to say it's not enough. I am absolutely and hopelessly addicted to love stories in movies, TV shows, novels, songs, whatever; specifically the exact moment where the girl confesses she's madly in love with the other person and wants to be with them forever ([like this, one of my favorites] (https://soundgasm.net/u/LittleMissAphrodite/F4M-Is-it-just-Mario-Kart-between-friends-or-something-more-Improv-Video-Games-Friends-to-Lovers-SO-SWEET-IT-WILL-GIVE-YOU-A-CAVITY-Confession-AwkwardShy-Scared-Of-The-Dark-Cute-Cuddles-And-Snuggles-The-Boyfriend-Shirt)). Whenever I'm depressed or lonely I listen to a love confession ASMR on repeat until I feel better, it always works. It's like emotions-porn for me. I know there's no realistic way anybody IRL could satiate my obsessive neediness, so I've come to terms with it. In my mind it's just like a vitamin supplement for my emotions. Embarrassing as hell though, don't think I'll ever admit that to anyone I know in real life. Anyone else the same here?",11.010129870129873,14.829738484848487,8.17248917748918,57.46159090909092,58.09090909090909,9.07792207792208,27.54329004329004,9.606745405546679,2.8522380952380963,930,26,121,18,14,268,111,165,0.177,0.631,0.192,0.4575,0,2,1,0,0,1,71.0,0,0,1,2,7,17,2,3,7,0,6,9,0,0,2,24,21,8,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,0,2,9,6,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,8,0,1,0,4,16,9,20,19,3,14,3,3,0,5,17,6,1,1,9,74,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882067005714521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099901799597248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772846885426031,0.27088242172516425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690866653749855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386740277852647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554056975561853,0.0,0.0,0.08524968461973043,0.0,0.11385247631899476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085056668199565,0.14869259214662878,0.0,0.1365845151074931,0.0,0.0,0.11957071661035573,0.11137325544249617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683772303414562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680582311113905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145293045246552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933675930044335,0.1937396852963932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5965196783531612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334711958281258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957333766642839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542059671946295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504577545548419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051204143818742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553727139469495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847000972668941,0.12987306423741046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779673221821962,0.10492389417385922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623371618405012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,happiness0101,2018/03/29,"Trying to hold it together I'm still new too BPD and struggling to keep myself from flying off the rails. So being alone is a huge struggle for me, makes me emotional, creates anxiety and I feel abandoned by everyone. I just found out I'm going to be alone for the next 4 days because my roommate who is also my best friend will not be around. I would hangout with other people but I don't have many friends and I also have issues with social anxiety and always shy about asking people to hangout together. I worried that I won't do well the next 4 days, I fear I may harm myself, fall apart, spend my days in bed. I'm afraid to be alone. ",4.016299145299147,4.9013462538461585,5.111025641025645,84.14619658119662,71.07692307692308,7.623931623931623,26.75213675213676,7.793537801064563,1.5141111111111112,503,16,100,6,9,166,85,130,0.254,0.68,0.067,-0.9746,0,3,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,9,10,0,4,4,0,14,0,0,1,0,19,23,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,3,2,2,1,2,3,6,1,0,1,1,16,4,16,14,1,15,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,7,68,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43544944920859097,0.0,0.2241506870488444,0.116613362651175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442383335519935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476036284116696,0.13101833746614658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543218711086341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707541786489148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650998569078036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711492714740293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764628422180338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339162711060816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770411059413614,0.07086243188086079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366373001123446,0.216554136579932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964865484369214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462768455664335,0.0,0.12456891319368744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354907575366647,0.14208685600548435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535465057377166,0.29809541866882083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432028686017724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428620112003924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192141371554304,0.0,0.0,0.29302372427400075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515047619262072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600880212810306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232587599926322,0.0,0.09955626411121707,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,youwantednicethings,2018/03/30,"How do you get diagnosed? and whats involved? uk Hi id be grateful if anyone could share how they were diagnosed and what happened after? I've a feeling my gp will look at me with a blank face! Also are there any other avenues, mind etc? Thanks",-0.5658222222222236,1.452113439999998,1.44466666666667,94.60011111111113,104.6,3.8222222222222224,19.555555555555557,5.82211442006289,0.09308888888888857,192,7,39,2,9,63,44,50,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.8706,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,2,0,9,11,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,3,7,1,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,1,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360667931352881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074226201506234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640673397427228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568864641829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5992320473018571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329219700798105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925911910533088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422684986399832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610393645840982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478888843970533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980621153874984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717752716453225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,beg82,2018/03/30,"When you start with Bipolar and it morphs into Borderline but that's actually good. I got diagnosed with bipolar 1 when I was 23. When I was 28 I decided to study the disorder properly MSc then PhD - studying it from the consensual angle that supposed I had inherited genes which are hypersensitive to reward. After one chronically traumatic year midway through, I managed to finish my Phd after 7 years having to face up to the reality that I was indeed more borderline..[i propose this says a lot about what BPD is]. It felt like a 'kick a man when he's down' curse (a horrible promotion from wide ranging mood problems to extra-level mood swings, interpersonal angst and dissociation thrown in on top) but, actually, rather than seek to understand it and use that knowledge manage it, this extra layer of brutality which BPD is forced me to seek treatment that gets to the crux of the problem - psychotherapy that deals with attachment trauma - and, despite being only part of the way through it, and it being a painful process, I have a deep feeling that I am actually healing from distant relational wounds. What's my point? Confront your early relationships with your caregivers and you will be, to some extent, looking at your BPD down the barrel of a gun. Note: I am not talking about a cure, nor am I saying that medication is redundant (I've tried various meds, ssri's and psychedlics are the most beneficial for me). Individuals differ massively. ",8.311609195402298,8.766617708812266,8.692551724137935,63.73262068965519,61.56704980842912,11.71095785440613,38.4727969348659,11.34169021259432,4.722824061302681,1166,55,187,31,15,387,163,261,0.16699999999999998,0.76,0.07400000000000001,-0.9825,0,0,0,1,0,0,34.0,0,5,0,3,7,11,2,0,16,0,18,9,1,1,0,27,26,15,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,8,3,0,1,21,12,0,0,5,0,1,0,2,6,0,1,6,6,20,3,36,16,8,24,0,0,1,0,12,11,0,3,13,136,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.4084966789474329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5272165152938191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385395919231106,0.0,0.14162459669574776,0.0,0.14578387095033207,0.15991864419111645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055284389957411,0.0,0.13397501742112922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290102560433173,0.0,0.0,0.11703493196145676,0.11159849927159594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816951642156714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717385088520355,0.0,0.0,0.1186272558141258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549913916179717,0.14056634522762465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455219931287634,0.1061222871846866,0.1484745630795882,0.0,0.0,0.15110228343189766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319052192863701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670313747810871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980785099112814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192689546751904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876324869862256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215255859357487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473477716760748,0.0,0.0,0.14526035224268796,0.0,0.12051302117538305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075600410866614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971130714071618 bpd,NoxusRrR,2018/03/30,"Is it worth staying and suffering for someone ? Would like to see stories from sufferers :) Is it worth suffering and staying for someone you really love but you have no idea if the other person feels the same ? Pretty fast : [20/M] she is [19/W] MY ex-gf has BPD , few days she was telling me how much she loves me , few days she was doubting my love . One day Im in her bed cuddling and kissing , the other day she is telling me that she doesnt feel any love for me. Today everything escalated quickly... She said 3-4 days ago that she wants me as a friend until she can trust me at 100%(she has trust issues because of ex-bfs and dark past) . Anyway she wasnt talking or chating like Im friend - she was toxic , she replied hours after my messages ( This happens for the first time ). And today I just couldnt anymore and I asked her what is going on , why from ""I love you so fucking much and want to spend my entire life with you "" she went ""I dont want to see you , talk with you , I just dont feel that im inlove with you "". I was destroyed ... I was crying ... I even offered her a friendly walk ( we live 93 miles away but isnt problem for me at all to visit her ) and she refused with the words ""I dont want to see you anymore"" and 15 min after our chat she phoned me and told me ""Sorry for being toxic with you , you know Im in bad mood in the last week, I love you but not in that way ... uh I really love you,sorry "" I started crying while she was talking and she said ""Stop crying , If you come to visit me next week Ill be happy for a walk"" ... after this call I still dont know what to do ... Does she love me ? Or she just want me as a friend ? Its strange for me cause this is my first relationship with BPD person and its hard to know how to act ;/",0.7983255269320821,2.591896467213118,2.480635441061672,95.90296721311478,81.59562841530055,5.057174082747854,20.019984387197503,5.860315114193679,-0.21511762685402047,1321,35,308,8,35,434,165,366,0.106,0.659,0.235,0.9967,0,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,2,12,0,2,10,27,2,1,10,0,28,13,0,3,1,55,60,26,0,10,11,0,4,2,4,1,2,2,1,2,15,20,0,2,7,1,3,8,10,8,1,3,11,9,68,18,40,45,6,48,0,3,3,11,69,9,1,5,30,202,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913762040734283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536756583721625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232401732344845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236825174720345,0.0,0.06267966490546234,0.0,0.05570310636570027,0.04066801835598983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16804699916608773,0.0,0.06812208987021187,0.0,0.0,0.06853328982255719,0.0,0.05746789734085325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984541692007106,0.2151239074801607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838155970851749,0.0,0.3127515770828138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406373287351945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059957921782664174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119726924728853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349318353399085,0.0,0.0,0.2061711844054696,0.0616756891526336,0.0,0.0,0.03791490147629949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899465533563417,0.07101791490015462,0.05976232140404125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569950120227958,0.0,0.0,0.07531158401009735,0.2882487358823246,0.06963171190774266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999222259608013,0.054380524261834005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047121819931008585,0.0651858335442892,0.0,0.05890937017385204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4816933492943504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980844094721294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095071757046557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04520689194522176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368572229739193,0.0,0.11650356188759915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787176024845289,0.0,0.06383594772749338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547693768733068,0.0,0.0,0.07162548710148871,0.0,0.0,0.12691990601388198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948641120449916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305250865500832,0.0,0.0,0.14936092575073484,0.04722026081385576,0.1422157365972315,0.05327760252123124,0.055775593880038624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608657006785067,0.11662133129473234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389012624924251,0.0,0.12647346836302994,0.06374774608591657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967471795164477,0.0529541855864917,0.10702732271643768,0.0,0.0,0.0618442166481454,0.0601986873436414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047391458807846835,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,snuzzbobble,2018/03/30,"6 months ago I was kicked out of my university orchestra I was one of the singers in my university's jazz orchestra, which everyone has to re-audition for every year. I didn't get back in this year, which led me to feel like I was worthless, wasn't good enough etc... But the committee assured me that I was good enough, and that they just went for someone that they thought could do a bit more variety, as they'd pegged me as only a jazz vocalist (despite never asking me to do anything else and only letting us audition one song out of a choice of three). I got the call at 11pm and two of the committee members subsequently messaged me, asking me to not take it personally. I accepted that, frustrated at the way the orchestra treats the vocal section but a few days later the line up was announced and every other singer got in except me - some that I knew weren't very good, or didn't turn up to all the gigs, or that graduated years ago so technically weren't even allowed to be part of the orchestra any more. When the other singers found out, they were pissed and confused. Basically, that was one of my main friend groups and by not being in the band, I wasn't invited to any of their socials any more. It's been kinda like an absolutely awful breakup, except it's with about 20 people instead of one. A majority of the committee members knew about my disorder, so it surprises that they wouldn't expect it to totally completely fuck up my life for about a month (I was lower than I've ever been before, and made more concrete suicide plans). Fast forward to now, and I barely see any of them, after we used to see each other twice a week every week. It feels like they just abandoned me in my own self loathing, and that most of them never even realised how much they hurt me. Even the people I do see once ever two months or so, and that weren't okay with the decision, I still feel like sort of betrayed me by doing nothing about it, which I know is unfair on them. The other day, one of the singers asked me to sing a song at his gig, and I realised even six months later, I'm still not over it. Performing in front of a large chunk of that band took so much out of me and made me feel so depressed - they were all so happy together, I felt like such an outsider yet had to seem all chill and happy while interacting with the people who made a decision that made me want to die. I really wish seeing them didn't make me feel worthless and that I could keep some of them in my life, but it just feels so hard. Even the mention of the band or seeing posters across campus still triggers me sometimes, and I hate myself for being so petty and pathetic. TL;DR: OP was kicked out of band and therefore barely sees people was once close to. Seeing them makes OP sad.",8.25049001814882,6.1520684736842135,8.125019237749553,76.06585190562615,62.992740471869325,11.356834845735028,34.92566243194192,9.888512548439397,3.0933003411978217,2183,71,441,35,25,706,244,551,0.168,0.7609999999999999,0.071,-0.9965,2,0,0,0,0,2,56.0,2,0,15,2,32,27,4,1,32,2,36,4,1,12,9,94,79,37,2,6,15,0,8,5,1,1,2,2,0,2,31,28,0,2,16,13,1,5,14,11,0,10,35,17,61,16,74,36,24,58,0,6,7,1,35,24,2,11,35,323,92,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180693318249056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811543362085446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480406842041017,0.0,0.18677901884175624,0.0,0.0,0.05120936705089914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666956777096448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270722192297703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800349403721873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982621218301832,0.0,0.0,0.10634537009100774,0.0,0.0,0.08589975667195307,0.0,0.05736032957732176,0.0,0.06911769110911481,0.0,0.07632650528716578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556336660465946,0.0,0.0,0.13762604126015662,0.07427381728963159,0.21993510485592646,0.12048250392639512,0.1683337994436316,0.06363676568201382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204218364269624,0.14273180294959129,0.06394404434370507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302072182702138,0.05145306366875877,0.061568316056117935,0.03479444529043807,0.0,0.0,0.1675764711173453,0.10652820986292988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141788555273322,0.059658279348050014,0.0657512440010855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129400166631973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059194918397110385,0.0,0.0,0.03660024458881498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810045635970854,0.09407956822247948,0.16268087382469548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520646608582398,0.08890869741719806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262995802431373,0.0,0.0979136513191257,0.0,0.10272819595200686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639020978552712,0.0,0.0,0.14184832900825006,0.22564094941121024,0.1013008002269952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211860314101028,0.0,0.1846812857025741,0.05815036863396696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04266406413407667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37148709832685134,0.06062786320998032,0.06947571737601116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06788776491856592,0.056427846039814725,0.0,0.06586663086859443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955454973295535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284685631361497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050073032199911834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05287097636828652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399227347333293,0.0,0.07243895656877794,0.1301121619477102,0.0,0.08010859314372275,0.057518857756962936,0.0,0.05494991255064173,0.039280931264960746,0.052861996022694285,0.10684099557182476,0.0,0.0,0.06173655015695041,0.0,0.0,0.0765838388653588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865982047327773 bpd,Heartsonastring,2018/03/30,"Anxiety and psychosis Hello I need some support. My bpd is treated with high dose of sertralin 200mg . But sometimes I get these episodes of restlessness and my body is shaking. I can’t sleep and I feel like I’m being followed or someone is watching me and I see/hear things I can’t separate if it’s real or not. But I’m aware it’s not real. I gona call my therapist after the holiday.(Easter holiday here at my country) I have propavan for settling in at night and zopiklone if that one doesn’t work. It’s sooo frustrating I have come so far and now I’m spiraling down again. Iv completed therapy and other self help courses and iv even had a job. Now I’m in sick leave due to my chronic pain. And I’m unemployed. My kid is healthy so I got that going for me. And my cats are happy. I try focus on positive things but yeah nights are hard. ",0.2790799614643582,2.696341635838152,2.4316546242774564,90.46767461464356,92.17919075144508,5.657899807321773,23.97133911368015,7.1686216300943375,1.2759558766859351,665,29,136,12,24,223,111,173,0.08199999999999999,0.816,0.103,0.6542,4,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,2,2,1,13,8,2,0,0,26,26,19,0,3,9,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,2,9,12,0,0,1,1,0,4,5,4,0,1,2,3,20,4,13,23,1,19,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,5,8,86,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244099315522287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806429832479432,0.2048242016240624,0.0,0.16606131308347136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400895731582837,0.17051230450616048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074142228207774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222957459508164,0.11618143524413635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496638819438912,0.0,0.0924252079843768,0.0,0.13006842266507498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312046978063775,0.14568269388357608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329351162637705,0.0,0.10900608239662872,0.1718253510729675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613831398997482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721995104164411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945179847997219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058655936390353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052306162832477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020090327746697,0.0,0.17304759787718282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702124067049766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959341536178473,0.0,0.169656412780234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274539133418273,0.0,0.13779412867690402,0.0,0.1608431943869931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454826291750007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859792264190164,0.18882357680997594,0.216085558570922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041369837537107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839507966894068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sad_grrl,2018/03/30,"I feel like I need to understand what is normal and what is BPD I've isolated myself a lot over the last ten years. I don't have a lot of contact with others due to my primary personality disorder, AvPD. So there are some things I do and feel that don't align with AvPD but that are still pretty disordered? I don't know if it falls under BPD or it's actually just in the range of normal. For example, anger? What I have read of anger and BPD is that there's a short fuse that is set off by little things all the time, like on a super regular basis. For me, there is no short fuse, there is just defensive protection when I have been triggered (things like someone trying to tell me what to do/what the thing will fix me is when they have no fucking idea who I am or what I've been through or what it was like for me, things like people misunderstanding me or giving me trite b.s., things like someone talking really positively about someone else because it makes me feel like nothing to them, anything that stinks of rejection can make me lash out, and rejection can be misunderstanding me, seemingly being apathetic to me, or like someone else is better). But since I avoid most of humanity these lash out things only happen with boyfriends and family members and I'm afraid of it happening with others so I just avoid them mostly. So these anger moments come up about twice a week at my worst, and maybe once every couple weeks or months when I'm not (in that specific sense). Does that count as an anger problem? Cos I don't even know. What I tend to do during these spells at most is insult someone, put them down, or throw something at a wall/the floor, etc. And I usually leave right after and just sit alone unless they want to ask me what happened and I'm just like ugh whatever. Anyway, what do you guys think? I know my primary disorder has rejection as its major thing, but usually one avoids the rejection or the fear of it, and for me it's like I just feel it all the time and react with sadness or anger or anxiety attacks.",6.18427968851395,6.069674907960203,6.490203331170236,79.6617293964958,66.08955223880596,10.07588146225395,29.91607181483885,9.761364909221204,2.509056759679862,1611,50,325,31,23,520,192,402,0.239,0.6559999999999999,0.106,-0.9968,0,4,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,5,2,21,36,9,5,14,0,32,1,0,5,2,75,57,35,0,6,22,0,4,10,0,1,0,1,0,3,39,20,0,5,11,1,0,4,7,24,0,3,3,6,37,12,45,51,11,40,0,5,0,1,16,18,1,18,26,228,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.07454916014996425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912075857750697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844091564357504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286544595585636,0.0,0.07141772896986459,0.08690877938414164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046568846028617314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756395511997933,0.0,0.0,0.28864529719275456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580634540459265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845280953715116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626611453179661,0.0,0.06685257789493555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763414567506218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519908797532914,0.05045727022326918,0.0,0.06436492567357455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201711278427482,0.08596406919570126,0.1545076529617989,0.1091512449486661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062467727628599,0.0,0.07328372819037332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564170143169874,0.20266389648896088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08623910634733309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595181878754674,0.06227100221940968,0.0,0.08088982074463552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732206741669249,0.07656648369406382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298942598205466,0.0,0.0,0.1019866786095188,0.0,0.07674766643728086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097666432459292,0.0,0.0,0.05664490652481671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969906933755206,0.07330174556329645,0.0,0.0,0.08135671965802145,0.051766298814982716,0.0581007958487939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296172218607319,0.06670396855628942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771978277952908,0.0,0.0730983839632957,0.0,0.07679669531085301,0.0,0.0,0.07641430031432568,0.0,0.04893971369977924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523974014757693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954588898050908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319359777857185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236403617345537,0.05881154640721194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061008049294825374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614023037349827,0.06677139728295689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40602025072046827,0.04894995161511628,0.0,0.0,0.08909147662277224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186625820094832,0.0,0.0,0.07952845999152339,0.0,0.0,0.16827357491121564,0.0,0.045058940562402436,0.0,0.12255671935642345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919499119789671 bpd,lola10099,2018/03/30,"Has anyone done STEPPS? I'm in the UK and I'll be starting STEPPS soon. I was told I could be referred for MBT or DBT, but the waiting lists were longer and there was no guarantee I'd be accepted, so I went for STEPPS. The woman I saw said I might benefit from CAT in the future as well Has anyone done it before? Was it helpful? Did you have any other treatments afterwards, or were you just left to it?",1.4825000000000017,3.4308010595238123,2.974047619047621,92.44178571428571,80.07142857142857,6.104761904761905,21.214285714285715,7.1686216300943375,0.5056000000000003,315,9,69,4,8,103,57,84,0.031,0.784,0.184,0.9282,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,16,0,0,0,0,11,23,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,12,2,7,3,7,6,0,11,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,3,4,49,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730398774430906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646141740514139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218603332347824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208170100588414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336305547247446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476048938943828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28328174606421475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765912164160449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480120439031141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845446276457464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491367870892633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344257934294934,0.24169747766462915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Snflrr,2018/03/30,Anyone have a link to that 45 minutes or so video with an Irish psychologist talking about DBT? I can't find it and I absolutely love that video. He has the audience eat an orange at one point and he has a very soothing Irish accent.,1.80936170212766,4.195707382978728,3.3908936170212804,87.49400000000004,81.55319148936171,6.313191489361702,22.16595744680852,7.554174236665415,0.9437012765957444,185,6,38,3,5,61,38,47,0.0,0.85,0.15,0.7956,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,0,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887101013330843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4225009819542661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773841927551673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726594303270935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27979252150928385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903250709403917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318743232907612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34068671110845045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,drystonewalling,2018/03/30,"My usually supportive SO waved a huge red flag The other evening I was having an episode (usually involving panic and fear and banging my head against a wall til it dies down) about something or other in bed while he was next to me reading his phone. It had been going on for quite a while. I was telling myself to shush to try and self soothe when all of a sudden I heard a nasty, vindictive shhh in the same style from behind me. I asked him why are you copying me? And he feigned ignorance. I was then telling myself it’s ok, it’s ok, and again I heard the voice, it sounded like it was mocking me in a cruel way. When he denied copying me again, in a way that indicated I was pissing him off for asking again, it snapped me right out of the episode and I’d jumped to the other side of the room in shock that I’d been having hallucinations. When he realised how scared I was he started to suggest that maybe he had said something, but he couldn’t remember. I know him well enough to know when he’s lying, and I’m sure he was lying at every point during that, and he was cruelly mocking me. Things have been a little strained since then. On Wednesday he basically told me he didn’t think me banging my head against a wall was self harming, and that self harming was really only cutting yourself - what I was doing was simply frustration (my head is lumpy as shit). This lead to a huge row over text ending with him saying he feels totally disrespected by me for the first time ever and he can’t put up with me today. I tried saying night and putting it right, and was getting nothing back. He must’ve seen I was online and only told me that I wouldn’t sleep if I was up waiting for him to reply. It’s Friday evening now and he hasn’t spoken to me since. Obviously with this condition I’m finding that horrendous to deal with - this is the longest we’ve gone without communicating ever. But my concern is the way he behaved about the auditory hallucinations; he’s not a gaslighter, at least he hasn’t been in the past. But he does seem to have given up. 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I recently found out my SO has BPD, and after learning more about it, it seems that infidelity is a common theme. I am concerned about this, as even though I believe my SO loves me very much, I'm not sure if infidelity would ever be off the table given some of the behaviors I've seen in the past (flirting, secretly using dating apps, etc). I want to pose some questions to anyone with BPD: If you have ever cheated on your SO, what lead to you to do it? Did you regret it? What was the thinking/feeling that lead you to infidelity? Would you do it again? What did you learn from the experience? ",4.845700000000001,5.354626000000003,5.89095,80.65722500000003,69.0,8.49,28.425,8.472884824447931,1.9175799999999998,490,16,98,7,8,163,79,125,0.095,0.858,0.047,-0.7427,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,9,0,2,12,6,2,0,6,0,13,1,0,3,4,25,21,9,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,1,16,3,17,12,5,16,0,1,1,1,12,5,0,6,9,82,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653961923124593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20389313181528212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4558550375103187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20183128127791397,0.1195300999219295,0.4910977857286642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702504665336702,0.0,0.0,0.09150472823592064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842612624466832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333402329459698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303502109818705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275796337223706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027297193800863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786877194522688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647498372824393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056368390644328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17780377470577935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630144218197478,0.0,0.149320603961385,0.10674179645407078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571142042372085,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Stormysummer1,2018/03/30,"Husband Has BPD and is downright evil! We have been married for 20 years. Now that I look back I can see he has always suffered from BPD but it wasn't til 8 months ago that everything changed to the worst I've ever seen him. I don't know exactly what the cause was as he dosn't really talk about it but he definitely had a breakdown and ever since has literally changed personalities. Everything evil x 10. In 8 months he has only had a week or 2 here and there where he is easy to be around. He has every single symptom of BPD. Textbook. The abuse was unbearable. In the last 5 months he has had 2 affairs. Something he never did in our 20 years of marriage. He was actually against it. Hated cheaters. So the second one was it for me and he moved out. That was a week ago and I am totally devastated but at the same time relieved. I don't think I could have taken much more without it affecting my mental health. My life is shattered and I am alone. Not to mention that I now have to see him with someone else. HARSH!",0.7999365197908901,3.2707089563106813,2.565048543689322,90.7843390589993,88.07766990291262,5.499327856609411,22.486183719193424,7.010146845296331,0.8148355489171029,799,30,167,12,26,263,123,206,0.21600000000000005,0.737,0.047,-0.9924,0,1,1,0,1,0,19.0,2,0,0,0,11,6,3,0,9,0,30,3,0,2,5,27,38,13,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,13,4,15,1,21,23,6,26,0,1,4,0,20,7,0,1,18,114,25,1,0.0,0.1473257499341687,0.12134052463312042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044457699838704,0.0,0.0,0.1287815226335553,0.0,0.0,0.10346307541964626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106913524878791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956118501172828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698157795982709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773419002301978,0.26307614852002525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992775167060952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387235862991537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22495015600789708,0.1047640755910928,0.0,0.22350237655894326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276265942143284,0.0,0.13217046041434066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683354882399435,0.10135588467440301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782691618747952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441653951504888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530818151301784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977474363751367,0.13215659679104902,0.0914061810708883,0.0,0.09590074472527267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425782187068538,0.09456821560045243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857123706624627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796571084607822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981700436642372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285755456508627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535515411931158,0.0957250743158054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923966044677052,0.0,0.09994194077971223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967377228389767,0.0,0.0,0.07250521999174897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948040452914015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986191187322087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014522576153772 bpd,theantisocialburrito,2018/03/30,"How do you get yourself out of that victim mindset? My black and white victim mindset is the fucking worst. Like, I freak out, make my loved ones nervous, and then I wonder why no one wants to be around and why no one touches me after I go on hours-long rages. ",5.354654088050316,4.934442452830191,5.326415094339627,88.34106918238994,67.86792452830188,7.066666666666667,28.9874213836478,3.1291,0.894149685534591,202,6,43,0,3,63,42,53,0.319,0.5820000000000001,0.1,-0.9132,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,9,4,1,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,10,10,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,3,0,3,7,2,7,9,1,7,0,0,2,2,2,4,1,1,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24283850317411965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521874340405468,0.1425200888824348,0.0,0.15503129104151758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332700803443437,0.0,0.0,0.24140814845778175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462011600963033,0.0,0.18208761991390027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5545431386619661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089699860240345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922961608497507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29582615630118675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tessthegoddess,2018/03/30,"Home doesn't feel like home. I've been living with my SO, his son, and our two dogs for over a year now, and the apartment that we live in still doesn't feel like home. I don't associate it with comfort, relief, or familiarity. I would be just as comfortable falling asleep in a strange bed in a hotel room. I've found this separation from me from the things I should love has bled into other aspects of my life. I have lost the ability to be vulnerable with anyone I have a relationship with (be it familial, romantic, or platonic). I have come to realize over the years, that I have a tendency to overshare to an embarrassing extent. It made me easy to talk to - people felt that they could open up to me. But as my emotions became more and more unpredictable, my sharing became weird and pushy. The reactions I received, though probably borne out of concern, made me feel unhinged. People were treating me with kid gloves and plenty of side-eye. They reacted to me the way people react to parents with misbehaving children or a homeless person muttering to themselves - secondhand embarrassment. My relationships changed. I used to write long messages to my SO, explaining what was running through my mind, perhaps to help him understand me or to ask for his comfort. He was my FP, and I used to want to know him that much - his every thought process and his perspective on everything. I confused my desire for our desire. I thought it was mutual, and as illogical and unhealthy as it is, sometimes I resent him for the fact that it isn't mutual. I used to send him articles on BPD, from either the perspective of someone with BPD or from the perspective of someone with a BPD sufferer in their lives. None of these received any real response. He would disappear off our messaging app for hours until I wrote something more mundane and he would answer that, or he would claim that the articles would act strangely when he tried to open them on mobile. I feel like BPD is the wedge between us, and the chasm is becoming greater and greater. His arms don't feel like home anymore. I have taken to shutting myself up and cutting myself off. I feel lonely, constantly, but I am so afraid of appearing crazy and irrational and unhinged that I am afraid to ask for help. I can't stand being in the same room as another living thing, not even my dogs.",7.29115909090909,7.387197615909095,7.257636363636365,74.37645454545455,63.75,10.76727272727273,36.009090909090915,10.444984826868176,3.768788181818183,1861,81,335,41,25,596,219,440,0.092,0.836,0.07200000000000001,-0.3481,1,2,1,0,0,1,53.0,5,0,4,1,9,22,2,5,21,0,33,4,2,7,1,80,60,34,0,10,11,2,7,4,0,6,1,0,7,3,20,29,0,0,15,1,0,9,8,11,0,1,14,7,58,11,69,35,10,43,0,3,0,1,45,22,0,8,14,244,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469770125861592,0.08434178933366891,0.0,0.0,0.07976865669703312,0.056241141050030766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038937792391852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883274625784897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052139182769764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508823158156402,0.06928654475290835,0.0,0.08692029812083564,0.0,0.06421979628219933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047713119646393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053125726553265515,0.0,0.06776889486539553,0.0,0.07228865894024478,0.0,0.07582577146967141,0.0,0.24401829365661865,0.2298475191556105,0.0772290039086505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819144408632754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782608064312788,0.0,0.3227263967672161,0.0,0.07921103156595695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04420427987341434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056812729133337035,0.15718344961653224,0.0,0.2840978634528647,0.07118132862622037,0.0,0.0,0.08780292851528551,0.0,0.07259459051787752,0.15221669882200725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121514812238792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912805358220523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931214936333005,0.0,0.0,0.16728788288767485,0.07023163912471865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672117562140054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155120508599217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727114701298892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630249344072298,0.06192182253972502,0.07955102535363931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423448850965291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464959328023459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687320538456564,0.0,0.0790257409750953,0.12771080974025167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054609229518998686,0.0,0.07857207631105904,0.08373435978634369,0.09675188544157362,0.2084067782758679,0.0,0.0,0.047441903703980035,0.06384455877566994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856891050076081,0.0,0.0,0.10359338262276813 bpd,naeshiteya,2018/03/30,"Bloody Relapse. Was doing well haven't had any severe issues since my diagnoses if eupd 6 years ago. and then went mental and hacker off most of my hair. Its lopsided, its awful an go g to have to get it professionally fixed and its going to have to be short. I had waist length glossy sleek dark hair and now am trying not to cry in my office. My fucking *hair*. I didn't ended up stabbing or cutting tho so fucking positive side there. Needed to vent.",1.6483333333333334,4.104466055555559,3.2600000000000016,87.72000000000004,82.8888888888889,5.377777777777778,19.0,6.742157984588678,0.2797999999999998,355,9,69,4,10,117,69,90,0.078,0.807,0.115,0.5587,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,1,10,7,4,0,0,9,17,9,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,1,0,5,3,6,1,10,11,1,13,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,3,5,45,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188118779948847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786205147451755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27114600493730273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505409667093853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863008288953928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564056949589687,0.12896554592316314,0.0,0.2805737105712159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576404925592869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487601999407583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830313349766315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27886290517117385,0.0,0.2041915023431266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675905401062527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22194196026975316,0.22882640685730016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158959127404859 bpd,rnyth,2018/03/30,"Cut ties with my FP because I was terrified of the idea he'll eventually reject me. Life is overwhelming and I don't want to live anymore He brought me so much happiness but he would often not reply for really protracted periods because of his own anxiety disorders. I've become too ill lately to be able to rationalise his silence as anything beyond disinterest in me. I'm in love with him. But really, this is like the grain of sand that pushed things over the tipping point. I've spent my whole life in an agony of loneliness. I can't deal with this anymore. I'm such an unhappy person I'm so unhappy, I have no happiness in my life, I think I'm having a mental breakdown.",3.1339303482587053,5.244510776119405,5.056044776119403,78.70232587064676,75.56716417910448,9.242786069651741,28.33084577114428,9.725611199111238,3.064006965174129,540,23,101,16,12,185,88,134,0.202,0.684,0.113,-0.8609,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,1,6,0,9,5,0,0,0,12,19,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,3,1,14,4,18,13,3,11,0,2,0,1,9,7,0,1,3,64,18,0,0.17544831825736742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342174832437212,0.0,0.34799517468368363,0.0,0.0,0.14437901676026946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390333271455286,0.19376888324096145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087951221354354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107897285239584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735359944663781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805979566987156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791334498514845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717730074251287,0.08571518606368166,0.0,0.15492407938345362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834895718695785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681063891857265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897470126139793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531947041452242,0.0,0.0,0.16585537066131978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479337057323392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656006668779215,0.11242019804672806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348396381737662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19588178171369025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463345143186487,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,keepingpace1,2018/03/30,"DAE retraumatize themselves on purpose? Do any of you find yourselves intentionally engaging in acts that trigger you? I relapsed tonight and did something that seriously psychologically hurt me + repeated a dynamic of abuse I've experienced. I've done this quite a few times in the past and it's always so upsetting but its comforting, too. ",6.902372881355928,9.69583550847458,7.812000000000001,60.07155932203392,66.79661016949152,11.499661016949155,40.61355932203389,11.20814326018867,5.786943050847459,281,17,42,10,5,94,50,59,0.147,0.737,0.115,-0.2396,0,0,1,0,1,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,2,6,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,4,3,5,1,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,26,9,0,0.0,0.4049091528915413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843572575903549,0.0,0.0,0.23239671787786376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34972137698396155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123465869088005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658425702282507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262320242329121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634853695531096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26309018463515155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927288488395486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sonofarson,2018/03/30,"What it feels like to have BPD I was dog sitting for a weekend with a little Min Pin mix that I had grown quite attached to. Being a mix she had a sturdier build than than a purebred Min Pin bitch, but with the same black and tan smooth coat. Used to love cooking ground lamb or beef for her like she was my date which sadly she was for all intents and purposes. Recently, I had ended a relationship because I knew that it was doomed and of course my BPD screwed up thinking. (at the time) But this little dog was an expert at worming it's way into my heart. When I turned in for the evening the she jumped up on the bed. I was glad to have the cuddly creature by my head while I drifted off, but...I have a sleep disorder which causes me to have muscle twitches. They scared her off and she went to go sleep on the floor. I felt sad. I just drove something else that I loved away. Fuck.",2.9007142857142867,4.182687313186818,3.4195604395604384,93.70043956043959,74.21978021978022,6.079120879120879,23.98901098901099,6.18269132825596,0.3822263736263736,689,20,154,4,14,215,110,182,0.16,0.74,0.099,-0.9239,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,3,12,3,1,15,0,14,10,4,3,1,20,26,9,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,10,7,1,0,4,2,0,6,0,7,0,0,13,4,23,5,27,12,2,32,1,3,1,4,11,15,3,1,11,102,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147911016425755,0.0,0.0,0.09828315518279317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40612230358676216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562567420562946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847813742969711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346853917992374,0.0,0.142800244307617,0.0,0.0,0.10648964151712598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152177328831545,0.11518138906740848,0.1548042629160316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905278331815253,0.0,0.0,0.0916296464931297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654665480864109,0.0,0.0,0.19105607845301734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753581445429554,0.32318583089132696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910293156209514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148593360316708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591933011050203,0.17309864479300194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141745767011031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226890802097612,0.0,0.0,0.12412127065652513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330845835909873,0.0,0.0,0.0940134034779313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536987835427764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392493150883297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279753636879394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946006684618102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BDSMkitt3n,2018/03/30,"Pretty sure I've felt like shit my whole life. I recently deactivated my facebook, and someone suggested reddit for a release, so, here goes nuffin . . . I have thoughts all the time about what would make me happy. My dream of owning a horse? A pool in my backyard? Travelling? Becoming a cosplayer? Being able to deal with my BPD and have long-lasting, meaningful relationships? What if I had all of those? Would it ever be enough? I think the pursuit of happiness is ongoing--as it should be! Of course it's not possible to feel content *all* the time, but is there a way to be content with my life? I have always been so busy with my own misery, I forget to enjoy the simple things in life and own my happiness in the moment. Forget about the overdue car registration and the fact I can't make rent. I'm alive and healthy--so are my kids. Shouldn't that be enough? I'm really in a confusing spot in my life where I'm becoming extremely aware of my symptoms and my actions from them. It's extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes I just want to give up. Go back to my heroin addiction. Just let myself die. Then I think, no, Emily, you can't do that, ya cunt. Please tell me it gets better . . .",1.7511723027375192,4.347568886956523,3.3800483091787434,86.00174718196457,84.04347826086956,6.885668276972625,22.86634460547504,8.045849151850463,1.5336876006441225,924,33,180,20,27,305,135,230,0.146,0.718,0.136,-0.8181,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,2,1,1,11,10,2,1,13,0,21,7,1,2,6,36,35,11,1,6,5,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,2,1,11,9,0,0,6,3,1,4,5,3,0,0,4,2,28,7,24,21,9,19,0,0,0,0,9,7,2,2,8,126,39,0,0.12580304159099084,0.0,0.0,0.13714388456055004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467820847524596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673477362514607,0.0,0.0,0.2778791511884885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126256701149506,0.0,0.0,0.15844452693960634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969741188729245,0.0,0.0,0.13056369543266202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599763424725342,0.0,0.0,0.11379605347910632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360979778686554,0.0,0.12079064847875337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572689690223303,0.12068174079143665,0.07149676766839125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017590312149881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254626960494828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128642133443629,0.35543363485463136,0.06146101156427616,0.0,0.0,0.11133173301717716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794901427722791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809396172254065,0.0,0.14182402713950268,0.0,0.12798692030788325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059264981417412,0.0,0.12421532657908145,0.13506538619470262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913501435486718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659250889374608,0.0,0.12442242490893407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856787788166635,0.13075752933735185,0.0,0.0,0.1099574033440395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357795083485921,0.16121901869465285,0.0,0.0998735626871382,0.14671353046593633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420189337478217,0.0998565987653409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045460325072098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787337425612882,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,owell1000,2018/03/30,"It all makes sense I hate this modern culture of self diagnosed mental illness as much as the next guy but Hear me out, I've always known I haven't been ""right"" at first I thought it was anxiety but the symptoms didn't really fit and recently I have been struggling to understand why I act the way I act, why I'm self destructive, why I feel helpless and why I love the people in my life more than I can put into words yet I won't lift a finger to help them. I wouldn't call myself suicidal but I could write a list of things that are keeping me alive and a lot of them could easily be taken away, they're fickle. I happened upon the Wikipedia page for bpd and began to read and I saw exactly myself in a lot of the descriptions and it explains so much, I'm going to book an appointment to see my gp and see if they can help me or atleast diagnose me because I feel like a diagnoses would give me something solid, an excuse at the very least as to why I am so fucked.",3.4999014778325126,4.2298587684729085,4.829532019704434,86.26331280788179,72.15270935960592,8.361576354679803,26.32266009852217,8.634040054169528,1.6640798029556647,762,24,165,13,14,254,123,203,0.139,0.7190000000000001,0.142,-0.1229,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,3,1,3,7,3,1,14,0,16,9,1,1,2,32,37,17,1,5,5,0,3,1,0,3,6,1,0,3,6,9,0,1,6,2,0,4,4,5,0,1,8,7,28,2,23,23,8,21,0,1,3,2,16,10,1,4,7,110,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487555010813592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722662087501692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712754883379023,0.0,0.0,0.06950683493563327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436068869918935,0.0,0.11642934786326516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207479282163094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.347190199409094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153060344689277,0.0814574357393742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698716944066152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541162610747504,0.0,0.1093804213156994,0.06480140673305756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289983978629513,0.10082939706095984,0.0,0.0,0.11257325183989778,0.0,0.0,0.12851123256805688,0.0,0.15285326667493465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134811223115554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053720570156192,0.05570545548400496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938750827298751,0.10290942819587703,0.0,0.07611066024042276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490749338232227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763877696868984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212638336976834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904859140447883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462373839569398,0.0,0.0,0.11405299060676435,0.0,0.07304549912697733,0.0,0.11258310218252347,0.0,0.0,0.0973742799401696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817217575578433,0.0,0.2378999073781219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777980983087696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920069194124401,0.0,0.12472170870869062,0.0,0.0,0.11851265614271232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575123970757633,0.0,0.0,0.0905208384746324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118701063322871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408020240714576,0.0,0.09050546315023628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144362073299795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099805296342183,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ImpressiveCherry,2018/03/30,"Feeling like a piece of garbage Today was horrible, pretty much reaffirmed everything I've been feeling since I was 16. As a 22 year old woman I went to finally get my drivers license, I took lessons and I studied. I ended up failing the exam because I hit the curb during a K turn. I felt like such a complete failure. I'm 22 and I can't pass a simple drivers exam that teens can pass!!!! I broke my streak of not cutting and just went to town. While my mother was waiting to pick up the document I completely lost it outside of the DMV, to the point where security had to come out. They saw me as a threat, meanwhile I kept telling the only person I'm a threat to is MYSELF!! They insisted to babysit me while my mother stood on line inside. I felt like a complete piece of garbage. I failed my exam, I failed to keep my emotions in check and I failed to practice everything I've been learning in dbt this past year. No response needed, just ranting to get my feelings out. Now I'm going to not take my meds for a few days, lay in bed and skip out on the Easter holidays. ",3.9420795107033615,4.7657370000000014,5.0715779816513775,84.58733639143733,71.20183486238531,7.4647094801223215,31.04709480122324,7.554174236665415,1.9606614067278287,838,36,169,9,15,277,123,218,0.16,0.75,0.09,-0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,2,6,5,13,3,0,16,0,9,0,0,1,0,26,34,9,0,1,4,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,9,0,5,7,1,1,7,4,9,0,0,15,6,28,4,28,18,4,31,0,6,1,0,7,13,0,0,14,103,31,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800586049454673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436090964705596,0.4541037169934734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931059115052866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239543158018396,0.1278678768070679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594986779910762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899155945704532,0.10313707612440512,0.2772333130903507,0.1581489277634133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085344450782626,0.0,0.08204809737173346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283215936196833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21159386189791515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759556344997264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036115473554588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612765516546056,0.10704761157891364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149073572180272,0.0,0.0,0.10979895295127017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781632394619056,0.0,0.1260572389444656,0.0,0.0,0.13647514910082925,0.0,0.0,0.14687493773752838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942333608249428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854734600962067,0.0,0.1261846658321487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368447106961007,0.0,0.1603990123602399,0.0,0.15703176216400316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676625871016694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859375055045185 bpd,spaceybabyy,2018/03/31,How to end a relationship FOR GOOD I want to leave the guy I’m living with. I have thought about it for awhile and feel it is the right thing. He had to put up with all my mood swing bullshit and other craziness. He doesn’t like me on my medication and we are always fighting. He says he loves me and no one will ever love me as much as he does so obviously that makes me want to stay. How do I get up the courage to leave. I was thinking about writing a letter and just leaving with all my stuff when he’s a work. I’m weak. Advice? Please help..,1.4484615384615367,2.928291495726498,2.8909487179487208,95.17488461538464,78.48717948717949,5.705641025641025,21.1017094017094,6.2581,-0.053973675213675236,423,11,102,3,10,138,77,117,0.127,0.703,0.171,0.7739,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,8,8,1,0,6,0,8,4,0,3,4,23,19,11,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,2,12,5,17,15,3,9,0,0,0,2,16,4,0,0,4,65,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673771363340618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252234468317926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989213541438587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517071412385884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549365488173214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660654072572177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948903111454244,0.0,0.0,0.14366523078332166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959848836036662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480832487487636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440963540892335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368090744323424,0.0,0.15124726600935542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091817223671399,0.0,0.11433366911165525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255101608591045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591374451145015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160667444129296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801883885832768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218813418089218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389534752651301,0.0,0.1462759443617619,0.0,0.13621223219434755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182566383585148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960796621103237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137937464760535,0.10975212934274116,0.0,0.13598068340460273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205595754356206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469708544116065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwawayjustneed3,2018/03/31,Ending a relationship FOR GOOD I want to leave the guy I’m living with. I have thought about it for awhile and feel it is the right thing. He had to put up with all my mood swing bullshit and other craziness. He doesn’t like me on my medication and we are always fighting. He says he loves me and no one will ever love me as much as he does so obviously that makes me want to stay. How do I get up the courage to leave. I was thinking about writing a letter and just leaving with all my stuff when he’s a work. I’m weak. Advice? Please help..,1.0399683794466412,2.894475921739134,2.544664031620556,95.43928853754942,81.08695652173913,5.225296442687747,20.019762845849804,6.11248444174946,-0.19665217391304327,421,11,99,3,11,137,77,115,0.129,0.698,0.174,0.7739,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,7,8,1,0,6,0,8,4,0,2,4,22,19,10,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,3,2,12,5,16,15,3,9,0,0,0,2,16,4,0,0,4,63,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673771363340618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252234468317926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989213541438587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517071412385884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549365488173214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660654072572177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948903111454244,0.0,0.0,0.14366523078332166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959848836036662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480832487487636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440963540892335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368090744323424,0.0,0.15124726600935542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091817223671399,0.0,0.11433366911165525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255101608591045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591374451145015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160667444129296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801883885832768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17218813418089218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389534752651301,0.0,0.1462759443617619,0.0,0.13621223219434755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182566383585148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960796621103237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137937464760535,0.10975212934274116,0.0,0.13598068340460273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205595754356206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469708544116065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jthmtwin,2018/03/31,"Divorce? How have any of you made it through a divorce? I thought he was my one, he was my FP and everything. Only just now this past monday has he told me that he has not loved me for over a year and a half and I found out today he has been having an affair with a coworker for a while. It's not like I can leave Iowa and go back to Massachusettes since we have a 3 year old daughter. All I feel is dead inside knowing all this and having him lie to me for so long.",2.4330672268907563,2.8634660882352967,3.7438375350140056,94.17441176470592,74.3921568627451,6.612885154061624,23.394957983193283,6.18269132825596,0.2639899159663863,359,9,88,2,7,118,69,102,0.102,0.8859999999999999,0.012,-0.8679,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,2,2,19,20,8,1,0,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,7,1,12,2,10,13,2,13,0,0,0,1,14,2,0,0,11,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199746364818844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944834759603909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273124044000393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788632376053186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27731886988450005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437429310576962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900079611525376,0.0,0.0,0.26781072927792154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356622874191545,0.0,0.0,0.2238303932542245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22827440927761056,0.239323458937513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26540191763472576,0.0,0.1713883169728589,0.19236062541188215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24144523744248594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922191879003926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007939534051223,0.0,0.0,0.23974303421174384,0.24168038195851246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257504182416769 bpd,foxconductor,2018/03/31,"Just want to tell you all how grateful I am. I do my best to be an active member of this sub and give feedback and support, but of course I'm just like anyone else- with a lot on my plate and not enough emotional energy to deal with it all. Despite that, I can't say how much reading and even just seeing the posts here has helped me feel not so alone. When I first subscribed I didn't think that much of it, just ""oh, this is me so I should be here"" but reflecting now I am realizing the gravity of it. I've never really talked to or heard from people in my life who have BPD and are **aware of it.**. Though my experience understanding and coming to terms with my illness has been profoundly gratifying, it's still felt so lonely, you know? I've read all the memoirs and done the workbooks but there's something so different about scrolling through reddit, past all the regular stuff, and seeing a post from someone who totally gets this quietly painful feeling that I've been struggling with my entire life by myself. There's a power and validation to that that deserves some space. So, thank you all. Thank you for sharing, opening up, and letting us be there in your times of frustration, despair, and triumph. Even if I don't always get the chance to express as much, it means more than I could ever say. ",3.9755859375,5.613807261718751,4.52075,85.44925000000002,72.0859375,7.620000000000001,27.253125,8.238735603445708,1.7305506249999998,1033,37,205,16,20,328,153,256,0.095,0.764,0.141,0.8603,2,3,1,0,0,0,33.0,1,5,0,4,24,12,1,1,10,0,20,4,0,2,8,52,39,26,0,4,11,0,3,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,17,17,0,0,9,2,0,1,6,5,0,1,6,9,24,7,29,27,15,18,0,2,2,0,18,6,0,4,10,157,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295511378304814,0.0,0.0,0.10408138426966852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746288147683055,0.12816515727949068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126980249431644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754115335023905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775031833496956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987081211065027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895794035885694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306880105410479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280061755189045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449311340985078,0.14070465951536104,0.0,0.12924704193951486,0.0,0.16523594785409246,0.11314724375829825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235788891998385,0.0,0.0,0.1264942513481454,0.0,0.1201019589810098,0.0,0.0,0.10639789535107316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070430824104012,0.11999367223232882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384235752802092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874387004164399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790867859935326,0.17670356261598705,0.06111059078486907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634345183202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625507789219515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758573090372927,0.0,0.09647386009949538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310008259715858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940852490627354,0.0867187258315569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395951889258839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502392477074991,0.0,0.08013314974342063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894645590857185,0.0,0.0,0.19935433372433747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598477027873092,0.0962971398607202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989366058997362,0.0,0.0,0.13076680987890354,0.14319328456838096,0.0,0.14194585385065436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053920686929886,0.10933047973831424,0.2303243495457966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014991315171917,0.12289613772904935,0.0,0.07293852065492641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021870198217214,0.1504627845567442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737788302873372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,jordanpatrickbeats,2018/03/31,"DAE re-open self harm scars? I have this one big scar from when I self harmed right after my ex broke up with me two months ago, and I keep going back to it and reopening it. I guess it provides me a bit of comfort in a way and makes me feel close to her again. Does anyone else do this?",2.8926190476190494,2.853451555555558,3.6636111111111127,96.84875,73.12698412698413,6.934920634920636,20.511904761904766,5.985473137389443,-0.275409523809524,220,3,57,1,4,70,50,63,0.152,0.809,0.039,-0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,7,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,0,1,9,1,8,7,1,13,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,6,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914291742040312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285984540690574,0.2533029886484293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19009458123178932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269896889962291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163412262778404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20651804657153888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250003222149448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049909458635845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723373511844734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973779157559548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501923941558838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19732621762240254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752060904964555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112193171901092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5158024072917771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414950463460029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622931459048654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,I_hate_me_more_,2018/03/31,"I've fucked it all up I've lost 2 of my best friends in the last week. Then I hooked up with a stranger, he kept up conversation for a while and made me feel like he really cared but now he's dropped me. I feel sick. I haven't slept in 3 days and I can't make myself eat anything. I'm so fucking worthless.",-0.2553416149068326,1.478813072463769,1.5934161490683252,101.19521739130435,84.94202898550725,5.1022774327122145,20.002070393374744,6.18269132825596,-0.3358712215320909,238,7,63,2,7,78,52,69,0.196,0.682,0.122,-0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,8,2,0,3,0,2,5,1,2,1,10,13,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,2,8,4,8,9,2,12,0,2,0,2,5,5,2,0,7,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174690038404889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277331631768797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26943754621080984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170430180203857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270410841582093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672424005305592,0.1887922064817894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417182196676184,0.4886206716680154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541265817652824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291073768581067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884783559267571,0.0,0.0,0.25005557196834577,0.1764000959906181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929603575870694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119788324663664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Real_Prince_Myshkin,2018/03/31,"I keep getting this urge to text my new SO, but I know I'll be smothering her. How do I stop myself from smothering her without putting me in excrutiating pain??? This is driving me insane!!! I recently got together with a fantastic girl. She is away on vacation, I keep wanting to talk to her but I know I should give her space and not smother her, cuz that's what I do, I smother. How do I not smother and not suffer in so doing?",1.228434343434344,3.356298409090911,3.64378787878788,86.35373737373737,81.95454545454545,7.092929292929293,26.823232323232325,8.167268648758528,1.9087080808080807,332,15,70,7,9,115,55,88,0.16699999999999998,0.64,0.192,0.5431,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,1,0,8,1,0,3,0,19,16,9,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,2,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,1,0,20,0,10,13,0,10,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,55,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533127920941848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086305677594685,0.258639913127356,0.0,0.0,0.21563627683821232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792935815712622,0.0,0.0,0.2963474364078804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603964889496894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868900764493662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27103821126660754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26621294211377056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254107681936991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216706858343509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902630448052665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598998794144392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,clvrnn,2018/03/31,"How does BPD 'devaluing' manifest itself? I had recently been hanging out with someone and we were getting on extremely well. All of a sudden she became distant and said she needed to back off because her feelings were 'intense'. I expressed that I enjoyed being in her company and she replied telling me that I wasn't her 'usual type' and also said something about my personal appearance, which was really quite offensive - cited as a 'turn-off' for her. None of this made sense as I'm quite sure she would have mentioned it before. In the following days, she has seemed less/not interested in me at all and I haven't heard from her. (I want to message her but I'm afraid of a negative reaction). So we've gone from being really close to, well, nothing. And now I feel really uncomfortable around her. Is this similar to the devaluing that occurs with BPD?",4.213473214285717,6.4894285437500026,5.239642857142859,77.85250000000003,72.9375,9.071428571428571,30.17857142857143,9.606745405546679,3.2329821428571432,677,30,118,18,14,222,104,160,0.071,0.853,0.076,-0.5862,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,2,9,7,1,1,5,0,13,0,0,2,3,25,28,12,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,8,12,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,2,2,0,11,5,23,5,23,14,3,19,0,0,0,0,21,9,0,2,6,90,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946216116705872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411507199961668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448225045563162,0.0,0.0986857164902715,0.0,0.13775517517070598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4077857536990823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440467867419316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166970220239508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16371136216683774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458005053653626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531827966784952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003825867814764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533636535584716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135477880806346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3443766573052487,0.0,0.0,0.3111297223248933,0.0,0.15984534634426234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30798603837093724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737719459006732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716758608670804,0.12462966317718067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257797912106344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149766944785114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608818178472116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829729231735647,0.0,0.09548602151233657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911143760361825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150009333386346,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ocery,2018/03/31,"How Can I Bring Up BPD To My Psych? Hi all, Recently doctors and therapists have been concerned that I have Bipolar II, but a lot of friends and even random people suggest I may have BPD as well. I identify with the symptoms, but I’m very afraid of asking a psychologist about it. I’m turning 18 in a few months and essentially I’m afraid of being laughed at in my face. Realistically I know that they won’t laugh at me but I am afraid of some sort of judgement or not being taken seriously. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m young or what. Has anyone here confronted their psych about bpd and how did it go? ",2.3896536796536805,4.202273809523811,4.1423520923520964,85.76577922077924,76.77777777777777,7.121500721500722,25.740259740259734,8.00094639256281,1.4485333333333332,484,18,103,8,11,163,83,126,0.018000000000000002,0.8370000000000001,0.145,0.9488,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,8,9,1,3,4,0,13,4,1,2,1,23,24,13,0,1,8,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,5,1,0,3,0,12,4,15,17,4,10,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,8,3,71,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324255631358262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814596915065087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616236371078208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7200032394040211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950441466750499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586173537404782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472246071836414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829848006842167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945134257127787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200556316066794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210154562968767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321088959676482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18815299639992566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806268376238464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212524787940963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727234036613126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723027383023924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17133449111597662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oames,2018/03/31,"I might have Borderline Personality Disorder I haven't gone to a doctor for diagnosis yet but every single online test I took says I have a high risk of having borderline personality. This is the thing though, I was pretty normal before my first girlfriend dumped me. I never had any issues of rage and was always calm. After she dumped me, I felt support-less and I feel like that lead to a lot of isolation and rage. Ever since I've been having random bouts of anger. At one point it was a cycle where I would have one of these random fits of extreme anger once a month. These random fits would be triggered by the smallest of things. I just had one yesterday with my sister in law over her not making food when she said she would have it done. I was really starving though so that didn't help. I've been able to suppress and control my anger as I haven't had one of these fits in over 4 months now. But I REALLY messed up yesterday. I made a very small issue into a HUGE deal. I called her words like ""hoe"" and other stupid shit. I don't even think of her in this way. I actually like her a lot, i think she's wonderful for the family. But yesterday I just couldn't control myself. I've had suicidal thoughts in the past before, but I haven't had them in a LONG time now. Like it's probably been over 4 years that I've even thought about killing myself. I still don't want to kill myself, but I find no self worth in me. I'm constantly afraid my wife will cheat on me, and internally if she does, I feel like she deserves to. I have very low self-esteem and can't seem to get my career on track. I've had feelings of emptiness for over 10 years now. One question always goes through my mind - why am I here? I see the world as being so purposeless. I know this isn't normal but I can't help it. I have a history of drug usage. There was a 1 year period I was abusing molly and cocaine. I haven't touched either in over 4 years now but I still smoke marijuana. I've had a hard time letting it go. I also have a huge fear of rejection to the point that I'll avoid social situations where I might be rejected. And i'll never insist anything on anyone as I don't want them to turn me down. Can anyone here help with methods I can learn to control my emotions? If I don't, I feel like I'll lose my relationship with my family. ",2.631658653846152,4.150912989583337,4.1320833333333375,87.35894230769232,75.35416666666666,7.256410256410258,22.30769230769231,7.969615865706242,0.944908653846154,1825,48,391,28,39,607,220,480,0.235,0.6759999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9977,0,3,4,0,0,2,46.0,0,0,2,6,24,28,12,4,19,0,53,4,1,7,3,71,77,27,3,10,13,2,7,6,1,6,2,2,0,3,18,13,1,5,15,0,1,4,17,21,0,6,25,10,67,7,53,41,4,65,0,4,1,0,28,32,1,12,34,265,85,5,0.07549164455345092,0.08944525431076943,0.07366895528352213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060370640875014765,0.12563019155605554,0.0,0.0,0.051336907015143686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557102627987368,0.0,0.0621231911625081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847565858527502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708540956093128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157964886422031,0.25401089565457186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782857070761931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865199649476187,0.07726889705533292,0.06606324687794017,0.07725416251734321,0.0,0.0,0.08754634067108964,0.0,0.0,0.0849179392250635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972303849779568,0.06828651447681207,0.06360496646421393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233360780136586,0.08494908804912615,0.15268337502538826,0.1617937378587875,0.07248381744207294,0.0,0.06899799547539971,0.06421315429224088,0.09128479624972673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039441268476453316,0.0,0.0429036413053576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762568544974971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180137414582032,0.07976106724961726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758732713760254,0.0,0.0,0.1670406393614463,0.0,0.04148823356951222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771953212713063,0.0,0.2212884257913591,0.0,0.0,0.06680772984628948,0.0,0.0844558402404823,0.0,0.12836059318517545,0.0,0.07143201938807815,0.050391258941655484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16016941005109164,0.07622504075019791,0.0,0.12051342090052858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644762038377054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793156653714887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039613766867773,0.2557754604426779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206531678390096,0.0,0.13183278435120266,0.0,0.0,0.14272801031786966,0.0,0.0,0.07680214224697646,0.08139276106084095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456791897435115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967237611499542,0.0,0.0,0.0810497742911111,0.0,0.0,0.07180984138298699,0.0600339857616496,0.0,0.0,0.06015706677293145,0.06872475793357917,0.157508498770319,0.0,0.07749108829003501,0.06244746848374424,0.08485577145399509,0.0,0.07695422473527226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205754497138372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257560635175548,0.08566702362279394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030658841213308,0.09674399522169004,0.14834031496350147,0.11986386655383018,0.08803957005368243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387399479671763,0.0,0.08211323130271235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245770257623903,0.08905385575738371,0.05992175359971207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811946723531451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186746826026127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088129498902806,0.0,0.0,0.19445657600652966 bpd,empathawake,2018/03/31,"My Daughter was diagnosed as BPD. Carrying a lot of guilt. Not sure what to do? I’m really struggling. The most beautiful precious thing to me in this world is my daughter. I’m a single mum and thought I was giving her a better childhood than I had. I have an amazing relationship with her. She’s 21 and we are good friends. She has been having a hard time after rejection from her father and bullying through school and has been to the GP for help. This has lead to her being diagnosed BPD. Now I’m reading about BPD mothers. Wow do I hate myself right now. I’m thinking our good relationship is actually poison and I’m no good for her. She is the only person I have ever trusted and it will be painful but I feel I need to get out of her life? Any advice or success stories? Anyone else in a similar spot? ",0.9937730061349692,3.475022901840489,3.0805245398773025,87.49281134969326,86.85276073619629,5.959386503067485,24.10092024539877,7.365786028017652,1.3346125153374233,635,26,126,11,20,214,105,163,0.111,0.7070000000000001,0.182,0.9219,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,2,0,0,3,4,17,2,2,9,0,20,5,0,1,2,21,32,9,0,1,3,5,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,6,2,22,11,19,23,3,12,0,1,0,0,22,5,0,3,6,91,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.13660613069087474,0.0,0.0,0.13679268696055613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951952719023371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788145737682227,0.14343218709035369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238062302049518,0.0,0.0,0.5289223528782936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841656614949085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694033004283315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662534014691282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078112144651018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815282678118356,0.0,0.07313690082032966,0.1342873149818239,0.0,0.3522408144640898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253999488530119,0.13820718138139745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382965672043694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988762429300434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190110807240834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379783606060124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064656515914885,0.1489549605684613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222303648742694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400238698114365,0.0,0.08967860821231857,0.0,0.0,0.3005851248104756,0.0,0.11954726855286882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167329296169628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634374847180884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193513666113416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300046996084203,0.08969736847732654,0.0,0.1111332375798505,0.08162695511586708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ryotsuu,2018/03/31,"Would appreciate any support Hey there, r/BPD! The subreddit is really great and supportive with so many kind members. Really appreciate the hardwork everyone puts in here to make it work for all. Thank you! Coming to my question, I recently started a long distance relationship with my SO who has BPD. Initially she was very communicative, like she used to agree to voice and video chat whenever I used to ask her. But since the last two weeks, she has not done a single video call and avoids voice calls like anything. I discussed this with her and the fact that I need to hear her voice for reassurance, so that I can feel less anxious (I have bad anxiety and abandonment issues, and I feel scared a lot.) She says that she can text me however times but she would only do voice once per day as she feels anxious. When I asked her why didn't she feel anxious at the beginning, she said that she trusts me now and feels more comfortable to express her opinions and say ""No"". But for the last 3 days, her texts have been erratic and she has been sleeping without even saying good night and when I ask her to do voice once per day, she gets defensive and says I am pressuring her, even though I am not. I love her to bits and I always assure her of my care and support. I'm really scared at the moment, I'm not sure of what to do. I have read about BPD and I intend to stand with my girl no matter what it takes or what happens. Even she says she loves me to bits and would never leave me. I just am really confused with the behaviour. I just wish she'd understand what I feel too. She's the love of my life and I'm really scared to lose her, I want to be with her forever. I'd really appreciate any and every advice. Please help me out. Thank you!",3.3265270935960602,4.966299534482761,4.278407224958951,86.52517241379309,73.77011494252874,8.304761904761905,24.21018062397373,8.942964678507748,1.6374249589490972,1370,41,288,29,28,443,173,348,0.128,0.6970000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.9425,1,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,0,2,16,29,1,6,12,0,25,5,1,4,5,65,61,28,0,6,10,0,6,2,0,3,1,12,0,1,12,25,0,3,8,4,0,2,8,10,0,1,6,18,59,19,33,50,7,24,0,2,0,3,55,4,0,5,19,188,71,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243063483110522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167499414267079,0.0,0.0,0.1008102718063302,0.0,0.05670271556180737,0.2512084627234213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060995647680153885,0.0,0.2078806839653114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188832472665596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184287845918566,0.0,0.2800601599878166,0.0,0.15137259998634953,0.0,0.07557177046037457,0.0,0.0,0.06384907636280157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340663325157707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585199006288415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468695798134622,0.0,0.062450528579745375,0.07082623336042418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22486822977195708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387254046521035,0.0,0.0,0.062169565668902076,0.0,0.08171917354284647,0.0,0.0,0.06554536406962509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354027467422963,0.0,0.049682053575024664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736354898284244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718609657032678,0.0,0.1208377688033042,0.0,0.07848392597922807,0.0,0.0,0.05235418065296631,0.07242400464134324,0.0,0.0,0.06559516141653815,0.0,0.08292295645863024,0.0,0.06301541639624962,0.2006925400898006,0.0,0.049476651457332016,0.07514752865931919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054960124894192434,0.05716704094885083,0.0,0.0,0.06955797097516415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578738759654482,0.0,0.05637271190310297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136310703473651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451254180985484,0.08303300094983512,0.0,0.07414152033489045,0.0,0.28490463933036825,0.0,0.07318600165961417,0.07957871102088787,0.0,0.0,0.07050648401989741,0.29472180805828363,0.222625542210636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131403932853272,0.0,0.07417499164801912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052463552315006594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523364701453175,0.06985860075729097,0.0,0.055730114905216815,0.0,0.0,0.136482167381119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282396009412836,0.0,0.04322082056972229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240589811859684,0.0771630559909562,0.0,0.1280342895638747,0.0,0.06115796878952084,0.04371875871707328,0.0,0.05945576589044711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688309061226405,0.0,0.08523602331109821,0.07145044435153612,0.0,0.05396130712898221,0.0,0.0,0.15796127989960584,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,CarelessHealing,2018/03/31,"recently diagnosed so i was diagnosed like.. this week, by a psychologist who i trust very much and have seen for around a year or more. last year at around this time i was continually thinking about suicide and throwing myself in front of a car, an episode which induced me to fail high school at the last step and seek medical attention (was diagnosed with dysthimia). i got sort of better later on because of an online game but i've been relapsing, specially after my first ""real/concrete"" relationship, with a person as reckless as i. bouts of paranoia and insecurity surfaced when i met this person in real life and it drove me to fits of extreme self hatred, fear, self harm and unprotected sex. aaaanyway, it all comes down to my diagnosis which i sort of suspected all along, because my psychologist would basically comment about like.. other patients with bpd and shit... and i just suspected it you know? even before he told me or dropped hints i knew about the disorder and felt heavily identified with it. the problem is, now that i am 'officially' diagnosed i feel like a fraud, i feel like i don't actually have it, like i shouldn't be diagnosed because i'm reminded of the fact that it exists in different degrees and i don't exhibit the most extreme signs of it. moreover i'm beginning to wonder if my current abusive partner actually has a personality disorder too? he hurts me so much and he's so impulsive, i really hate him. i guess i was just wondering if anybody else also felt like a fraud after being officially diagnosed and if it's a stage of denial or what. psych specifically reminded me not to ""marry"" my diagnosis which i agree with but you know..... 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It has the most harmful, insulting portrayal of Borderline Personality Disorder I’ve ever seen. I feel awful that I gave the movie any money at all. Why does media have to constantly support the stigma surrounding BPD? This movie genuinely made me feel bad about myself.",5.264999999999997,7.968772772727277,6.2212121212121225,70.0518181818182,71.27272727272728,9.854545454545457,32.21212121212121,10.125756701596842,4.074957575757576,297,14,46,9,6,98,50,66,0.173,0.7240000000000001,0.102,-0.7334,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,3,6,1,0,4,1,4,0,0,1,2,8,12,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,4,7,3,5,8,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,2,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729701078544731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21237578296520665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32035119180379523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748673709269575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915128420989651,0.0,0.2225877561015352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300786405105392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572190396855802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24067683107932375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22209295664478185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5772780316210051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22951580606922575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,abcriminal,2018/03/31,"Is there a subreddit where we can support each other, laugh at ourselves and just NOT focus on the doom and gloom or “I want to kill myself” posts? There’s already so much negative in our lives, is there somewhere that we can go just to chill out and actively HELP each other?",6.584444444444442,6.292634481481485,6.289259259259263,82.0316666666667,65.29629629629629,9.422222222222222,30.962962962962962,8.841846274778883,2.2870074074074083,218,7,43,3,3,68,43,54,0.217,0.594,0.189,-0.6131,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,3,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,7,5,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,6,7,3,7,1,2,0,0,4,5,0,1,0,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41452414380652935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21348284100658035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517811824774396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41558605714410624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316938516768546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761359990036113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35975586661851205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262677718519921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156010015987174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anonymousinsane,2018/03/31,"Ok. Who wants to be interviewed? Well Idk if it's an interview, but here's the jist: I'm fucking sick of being misunderstood. It's driving me bonkers. The irony of people shaming us is that it literally can only make things worse. People need to hear our voices. They need to know WE HURT TOO! And no we're not just whoring for attention. I'm done feeling like a monster. I'm done being dehumanized. So, I want to interview Borderlines. I want to hear your bests descriptions. I want to hear your stories. Do you find imagery helps nonBPDs understand? I want to knooooow. And then I want to upload your edited interview on YouTube. We'll likely use skype to talk (video chat). Let's do this. Please. Help me do this. My expectations are low as far as having a major impact, but shit at least we'll be part of the conversation.",1.3407386363636355,4.0178396875,2.8076136363636373,87.88693181818184,89.625,6.15909090909091,22.897727272727273,7.520522993642371,1.3441875000000003,650,25,127,13,22,211,107,160,0.191,0.657,0.152,-0.9218,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,5,4,1,1,5,11,2,1,6,1,16,4,1,2,0,24,36,9,0,10,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,4,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,6,1,0,2,5,18,5,17,27,4,6,0,2,0,2,23,4,2,1,3,79,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14590079555545102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845468262973502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702964869078883,0.0993212816896611,0.0,0.0,0.12706862642512215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852869372765008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4700823275734847,0.0,0.18637442019633485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883182603917325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640588420227608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216504947434605,0.0,0.13584363871899705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280194320763667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20617427569907332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573668699070704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055324636015893,0.0,0.19276834196390288,0.0,0.0,0.15261045798028713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427097422375599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174504713206893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236370073580016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14473254209565595,0.16723297781504534,0.12007513158993323,0.0,0.0,0.4920121686572583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500242898761327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416809112360877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SingingMermaid,2018/04/01,"Leaving Treatment Hi everyone im leaving the mental health system after 15 years. Im 29 and been getting support in some form (mental health team, inpatient, specialist personality disorder team) since I was about 14 years old. My original diagnosis was complex personality disorder with BPD, antisocial PD, paranoid PD, and avoidant PD as well as depression and anxiety. Over the years I dropped some of those diagnoses and I found out at my final review a couple of weeks ago that I have also dropped the last ones so I am now officially diagnosis free and 'recovered'. I was told that I may have lapses in the future. I have my final therapy session this Friday where I will say goodbye to my therapist of 3.5 years who almost feels like a surrogate mum to me, which is going to be very difficult. I must have cost the NHS hundreds of thousands of pounds over the years with inpatient stays, therapy provided, and crisis team, ambulance and police call outs. But it is now finished and they wont be spending any more money on me. I am really scared as I walk into my new life, but I am also incredibly grateful for all the support I have been given and I have worked my arse off to get where I am today. It is possible to recover.",8.152658045977013,7.531465271551722,8.937931034482759,65.41683908045978,62.23275862068965,12.560919540229886,38.72988505747128,11.855464076750405,4.854774712643677,981,45,167,28,12,334,140,232,0.068,0.8590000000000001,0.07400000000000001,0.5199,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,4,9,9,0,2,9,0,24,4,0,1,2,27,33,17,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,4,4,1,0,2,8,14,0,1,3,3,4,2,1,4,1,2,8,2,25,6,28,19,5,37,0,1,0,0,12,12,0,4,20,120,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803669492243657,0.0,0.1107459341465112,0.0,0.0,0.17688718757107155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520908316433507,0.0,0.08460564928392192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929181015737238,0.0,0.11293089738956652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237238778489695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525618625100243,0.11225262789177536,0.0,0.0,0.2535052311274345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567923247452764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0559206685684648,0.07900981570302935,0.0,0.2423050585833361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126282275211013,0.0,0.0,0.11556370702572373,0.0,0.06285426439959843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23511678593923405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892535062135065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015051383632644,0.0,0.2342104236114015,0.0,0.0,0.0781172365906133,0.05403162684284065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229095426986516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681432111534107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605191420841238,0.0,0.07494272247509927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313635001677545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246803903273954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07085063962022785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795039067122838,0.11072590533096537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914861670417868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788063745139488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510060959530416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529523649467924,0.12841049839669594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483209121607867,0.10567923247452764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125329549134406,0.0,0.0,0.0887134527331586,0.0,0.09943910014776247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051521661039726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561010403395743 bpd,mr_simmons,2018/04/01,"Fixating on sex appeal I'd read about the bpd stereotype of being sexually alluring etc, but never thought it applied to me. But I'm coming to realise that subtle almost-flirt mode is something I do pretty much all the time. I can get a good read on whether someone is vaguely interested in me or not, and I know just how far to push it so that they stay interested, but aren't aware that I'm doing anything differently. It's definitely how I get validation, and I feel like a horrible person for it (not to mention effectively leading people on). I even do it with women (I'm a gay man), and feel a weird sense of satisfaction knowing that it works, but definitely won't go anywhere. Advice and/or perspectives on other ways to be? I'm not proud of this, and don't know if I can bring myself to talk to the therapist about it when I start in a few weeks. Bleh.",6.746485788113695,5.8969469302325574,7.916821705426358,72.34187338501295,65.16279069767441,10.900258397932815,34.80878552971576,10.25414643259724,3.4028196382428937,680,27,133,14,9,234,107,172,0.065,0.7509999999999999,0.184,0.9736,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,4,9,6,0,0,8,0,12,2,0,4,2,29,28,15,0,1,11,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,13,6,0,0,7,2,0,5,7,1,0,0,1,2,12,5,20,24,4,19,0,0,0,2,6,7,0,2,6,90,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999420165426,0.0,0.0,0.18444568925743726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157761538573394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23198841682443835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866854616258216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244561829474008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542723259146306,0.12165972233279385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862700664785015,0.13158966085535004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924696175961205,0.0,0.10468283291209518,0.15449486761864634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036879171861489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998886262988233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540525556252328,0.0,0.1420633123058847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276983155631118,0.16083284444728316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739355400883476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684916967310821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560686750198104,0.14180308158176946,0.0,0.0,0.1303748784876144,0.19632843040598025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804976943732615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386575558914786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462310509421188,0.10740617021277696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146206213016588,0.1477509225226034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409688344648288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,larons33,2018/04/01,"Alcohol I'm sick of waking up feeling like death. I'm sick of waking up regretting the way I acted the night before. I'm sick of always being the drunkest person at the party. But I don't know how I will be able to socialize without it. I have ZERO confidence without alcohol. Please help what do I do? ",1.154861751152076,3.5245738870967784,4.0417050691244265,81.86112903225808,84.32258064516128,6.768663594470048,23.37327188940092,7.957251820313856,1.7284949308755757,239,9,44,5,7,85,40,62,0.285,0.578,0.138,-0.8938,0,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,7,7,2,1,0,7,12,2,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,5,1,9,9,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,30,7,0,0.2427143057303625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187755573839018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20195774580530446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065319974232212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272364572617342,0.1733951485103824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268628293307602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338943490194452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185779498067188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277709340099601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192876983655567,0.0,0.2664274219538583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474166689588441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926553184677592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679358588877428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Millygator,2018/04/01,"I constantly feel so dependent on someone else's mood I have a BFF she can be quite harsh but she has been my best friend for over 13 years now. When she is annoyed by something or someone she tends to vent that to me. Not by direct words but the way she responds to things I say. She will not talk with smileys, she will punctuate her sentences, and sometimes even be plain rude. In our early friendship she told me that's not my fault but hers. And every now and then she'll confirm that it's on her not me. But I always feel like it's my fault. Everytime she responds like that I feel so shitty so depressed and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. She kind of decides my mood. If she is upset her responses to me make me upset. I am tired I don't want to feel anymore.",0.7306165311653103,2.9295473597561004,2.0657723577235783,96.47990514905152,84.54878048780489,4.863956639566396,21.30623306233063,6.139981653823899,0.08837777777777768,613,20,137,5,18,196,94,164,0.188,0.657,0.155,-0.8217,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,2,9,14,2,2,2,0,14,1,0,3,0,28,23,16,0,2,11,0,4,2,1,3,1,1,0,0,8,6,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,5,34,5,16,16,1,12,0,1,0,0,24,4,0,3,9,98,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333056294676178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36550018626715786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338398365469656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913451265842824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18997819572083444,0.1587147533831347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393711388080936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217111065599707,0.0,0.15525862363771484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726974790897847,0.13164523909355294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236948028664162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189280523341154,0.10127206096062692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800537406915295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300419199269536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599786834623226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465419214721864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31226918443967755,0.14186297356260466,0.1822514994512876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811229977062282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242332418667838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179562461124887,0.0,0.17608151218354184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868946124122336,0.14626796470498787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186662851440338 bpd,sweet_kiwii,2018/04/01,"I miss my old FP. I have a new FP but I want my old FP back, but it just isn't the same. does anyone know what i mean i just feel this like.. disgust for my old fp but i miss the time we had and want that back, but it wont be like that ever again :/ my new fp is good. he is good for my health. good person. so why do i feel like this? ",-3.0056249999999984,-1.4921703124999972,-0.0799999999999983,109.885,95.875,3.2,9.25,3.1291,-2.481775,245,1,76,0,10,84,44,80,0.18600000000000005,0.6559999999999999,0.158,-0.3674,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,1,16,16,6,0,2,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,13,6,2,13,1,10,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,13,46,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727329027967545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579317012914368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677235982144726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171178147300332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696079160276809,0.23963751740047975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220251760654525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782778582012874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217418509676732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581765194329536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269557361844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239688449737337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.527979828133135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644609352011068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779851933647106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19785047175867052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134065351615975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thegingerwitch,2018/04/01,"The Ethics of Leaving Someone (and being left) So first a little background, (skip first paragraph if you don't care for personal details) So a few years ago My favorite person left collage to go live on the opposite coast. I understood on the offset that we were *still going to be friends,* but that we would be less close than before. I accepted that she would be starting her new life and that i would have a smaller part in it. A few months after the big move she stopped talking to me. Cut me out of her life entirely with no explanation, cold turkey. We haven't spoken since then (about two and a half years ago.) From talking to mutual friends of ours Ive gotten a pretty good picture of why she left. The standard feeling like I was holding her back, not wanting to be responsible or feel guilty for my mental health, viewing herself as higher than me on a social level, Her own mental health, etc. But as I have said, I had no warning and no explanation at the time. This left me with worsening anxiety, depression, BPD, and a general sense of brokenness that I'm not quite comfortable talking about yet. In fact talking to people who have known her in the past (as well as my therapist) has lead me to believe that this is a pattern of hers and that she's a toxic person. She's not what I'm interested in talking about right now. What I'm interested in is the ethical implications of what she did. I hope we can agree there is nothing wrong with leaving people wether its for their best interest or yours. Nothing wrong with letting go of the past and moving on. People change, lives change, its ok. While theres nothing wrong with it though, Leaving has the potential to seriously hurt the person being left. We see it all the time with bad breakups, but BPD makes it even worse. Being abandoned when you have abandonment issues is like setting fire to a burn mark. We can't help it if people leave, thats out of our control. So... Do the people leaving have a moral obligation to do it in a way that is less harmful to the person being left? To be clear I'm not talking about abusive relationships. **you owe your Abuser nothing.** Im talking about amicable relationships. Relationships that have simply reached an end point. Does the person left deserve closer or an explanation? Do they have a right to an ethical break up? And is there such a thing? Leaving someone for your own mental health, Is there a way of communicating that that doesn’t devalue the other person? A way of explaining your need for leaving that does not leave them with some sort of baggage or trauma? What rights do the leaving have? What rights do the left have? Are the ethical and emotional implications of breakups something we should be taught growing up? I have so many questions and no real answers. I didn't study ethics in school. Im fascinated with the implications and I want to open this up for discussion. Is there an ethical way of leaving someone? And is there an ethical responsibility to leave someone as kindly as you can? 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And it feels amazing! It's done wonders for my anxiety which is almost nonexistent now. I think I'm finally MY OWN favorite person which I think is healthy and ""normal."" I do whatever I want whenever I want and when I feel people potentially judging me I tell myself that they're the ones in the wrong, not me. I've always felt like I've been living life wrong and have always looked to others for approval because I was self conscious. Having my own back, focusing on my own life and really building myself up like other people do, feels so freeing. I don't care if people want to be my friend or not and I think that makes people more relaxed to be around me. I let my emotions pass by and continue to be still in life and within myself. I gave confidence now in myself and what I believe is right and wrong. I just moved to a new city and I'm ready to find myself and be myself! Remember to relax, you guys, you are not always wrong. Sometimes, and this might come as a shock, other people are wrong! Remember that. You know what you're doing. Happy holiday everyone! 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I only found out while reading my treatment plan. I’m pissed and feel tricked and betrayed. This is the second time I’ve had a doctor diagnose me and not tell me. Tomorrow I’m going to throw a toddler sized tantrum over this. ,2.0844444444444434,4.648896703703707,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,81.96296296296295,5.822222222222222,27.51851851851852,7.1686216300943375,1.5633185185185186,218,10,42,3,6,70,42,54,0.227,0.773,0.0,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,4,0,3,4,1,0,0,7,8,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,3,0,1,3,1,5,0,3,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,24,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778375645366731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5603633853541532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808008836026557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840978740652818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001387849447137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557119748114204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643771588575781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818952711863206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27381134483841746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785168747624885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961840210129113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throwaway8787787,2018/04/01,"Question about diagnosis and finding help Hey there, I've struggled with just about all of the symptoms described as BPD over the years, but always figured it was some sort of depression or personal defect. After reading about BPD more and exploring this sub, I suspect I have some form of it, and I'd like to try to get help. Here's the thing. I have no idea where to start. I know therapy is a good place, but do I make an appointment with a therapist and just be like -- ""hey, I think I have BPD because I read about it online!"" That seems really weird and uncomfortable to me. Is there a way to do this? I have health insurance, etc.",3.5092800000000004,5.163462368000001,4.388999999999999,85.85950000000003,73.32,8.200000000000001,26.9,8.841846274778883,1.9623599999999999,496,18,102,10,10,160,80,125,0.16399999999999998,0.721,0.115,-0.7728,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,7,0,10,2,0,1,1,26,16,9,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,9,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,10,3,17,14,6,8,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,6,5,72,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982356933286796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511012472749382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5895162229516497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134382313571357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17400680014752068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260212355773802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151553681814447,0.0,0.0,0.13086462400532115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658450694778013,0.0,0.0,0.2091577507725781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613088707506436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574611724454015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244983673884488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414651156626656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623319687391194,0.16301074506745072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478137948081218,0.0,0.3121302868185104,0.0,0.09995227863824403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420374078231599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043382680604917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310903364588644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621675554347734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842580814292497,0.18115463720045197,0.10365469616796362,0.09997318809784407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592932201088216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384373273088875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004736459633256 bpd,niki-cole,2018/04/01,"Don’t rain on my parade! Is anyone else super sensitive when someone tries to shut down whatever you’re excited about? I’ve always been extremely sensitive and very easy to tease and it’s been a problem my whole life. When I’m in a professional setting, it’s easier for me to brush it off. But around friends and family, I feel like someone is always trying to kill my excitement and joy over it. I can handle realistic critical thinking and often need someone with an unbiased eye to help me see they whole picture. But I’m talking about the little things that we get excited over and some else just can’t accept the happiness and has to kill it some how. Ugh. ",4.4076744186046515,6.1087160077519425,5.631697674418608,77.66243023255815,71.09302325581395,9.50108527131783,29.17906976744186,9.888512548439397,3.0344381395348834,531,21,97,14,10,177,87,129,0.134,0.631,0.235,0.9395,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,1,1,8,14,3,0,5,0,8,2,1,1,0,22,15,12,2,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,4,9,9,17,13,4,12,0,0,2,0,6,9,0,3,3,64,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765643462220883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620288682780736,0.1702797920116784,0.0,0.14794302899407125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776583900924125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666775915665015,0.0,0.08402991603741418,0.11872512166997133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839684887586558,0.0,0.08682664967117441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691078436996802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139267102452008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677259792834506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738387611992494,0.08119132305097615,0.16656457004580766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322669195950756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590199824839766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324307448442504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4224330158651258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357604826552086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040827727143793,0.10648690198590192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566221093931696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712294496062566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710871258472517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheMysteryTrain,2018/04/01,"How to know when you're feeling justifiably insecure? Hey, So I feel like my FP has been acting pretty distant, and honestly a bit aggressively towards me (and only me - she seems okay with others) recently. I want to bring it up, and know if I've done something to upset her, but I already feel like I seek reassurance from her too often and don't just want to be some insecure sadsack in her eyes. How do I know if I'm justified in pushing for an explanation?",4.941575091575089,5.7031765824175835,6.66346153846154,74.3023717948718,68.8901098901099,10.022710622710623,32.74908424908425,10.125756701596842,3.3755919413919417,363,16,69,9,6,126,66,91,0.092,0.669,0.239,0.8902,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,3,2,1,6,1,1,2,0,22,17,11,0,4,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,7,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,4,12,5,11,14,2,9,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,5,4,48,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26864381472777005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26577513242174355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491252367153091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692741016105731,0.3478293978362343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013673440541575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378664987587965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851482760768908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24766758507317324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403691712318025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162005295910914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741320616415255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871762785725449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EmmyMarie13,2018/04/01,"I don't understand my BPD??? I have been diagnosed numerous times with BPD and always leave before I can receive treatment. I think I have a hard time understanding/ believing that this is real. Some of it is because the people around me downplay it or tell me it's not real and I'm just being a typical ""woman"". Can someone please help me understand what this is?? I have a really intense fear of abandonment, but that's also been diagnosed as PTSD. I don't know what to think. How do I tell if I really have BPD or I'm just overreacting, being clingy, paranoid, etc?",3.0872972972972974,5.211994171171174,5.003864864864866,78.95768918918921,75.75675675675676,8.764324324324324,26.41531531531532,9.3871,2.614073153153153,447,17,83,12,10,153,67,111,0.102,0.85,0.048,-0.66,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,16,2,0,1,0,22,24,9,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,4,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,13,0,6,20,2,4,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,4,2,61,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834780863505183,0.11273489693177854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061093451307428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259078196217816,0.0,0.11528829136896444,0.15264590814867735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119182208252527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750301231560495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110229044590678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245899997523654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136851157656192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081316126570063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445935849351283,0.0,0.0,0.1434597186276516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392867598057808,0.0,0.0,0.1487225351719033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837545008954687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084246149708613,0.17359112660794884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147965338619435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368408231940209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736274409041128,0.0,0.0,0.1580055197399176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231359541255144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,opdtjust,2018/04/01,"I relapsed last night and I feel awful. Need support Last night I was out drinking with my boyfriend. We had been going through a difficult time. Ive been my back and forth, overly worried self and his own issues, including a relapse with his drugaddiction and alot of lying. But we had some really great days and things seemed to go in the right direction. He started being honest with me and that helped me alot. Also I started grouptherapy for love addiction. I was unsure if I should stay in a relationship that was so complicated while trying to heal myself but decided I could because he really wanted to and tells me we are meant for eachother. Well last night I got pissed because he wanted to go home early and I wanted to go out, because I thought that was what we were doing. I am completely aware that I was a big dramatic asshole for that. He started yelling and I panicked about the neighbours and threw him out. He sent me a bunch of texts, where I understand he was hurt and angry, I think there was truth in it. He included a message from one of his friends saying I was making him depressed and he deserved someone that would make him feel like a prince. I fucked up last night, I know. But he is now saying Im not progressing and that Im abusing him. Yet he wants me to stay. I really dont understand the situation very well. Im completely destroyed from hearing those things. I dont want to abuse him. And Im emotional exhausted and broken by this neverending shitstorm with us. He wants me to come over now and fix it, and Im on the train. I dont know what to do. My life is falling apart from the stress of the relationship but I am a asshole for staying and an asshole for leaving.",3.518680170575692,5.403599459701493,4.468907249466952,84.33244402985075,73.80597014925372,7.651385927505331,28.083688699360337,8.418075326091056,2.044950959488272,1349,54,262,24,28,437,168,335,0.171,0.741,0.08800000000000001,-0.9857,0,0,2,0,2,0,30.0,5,0,0,1,11,17,3,1,17,1,28,8,1,2,1,63,62,26,0,11,6,0,2,1,2,2,4,4,1,1,15,30,1,0,11,1,0,8,4,8,2,1,18,6,46,9,38,40,5,44,0,2,0,2,37,14,2,5,20,182,61,0,0.0,0.1820909657077744,0.0,0.08376937822687294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145070737422623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590869353413865,0.0,0.14052693925526488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619278116818983,0.1611352423196762,0.0,0.0,0.0613522717453004,0.0,0.0,0.04955688441991209,0.0,0.0661841041996695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27017558053840884,0.075276135919256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643717142153706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770748548966833,0.05489610786544531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936811995919431,0.07103940781517655,0.0,0.0,0.1746848513735378,0.0,0.061457754808298036,0.08471883509842551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660678329660831,0.0,0.0515057301939895,0.0,0.07707902679587024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226120159812776,0.0,0.41501399866561495,0.0802033288487672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446096525070293,0.2505467092992876,0.0,0.0813648314666944,0.0,0.0,0.05427594290495728,0.03754123445191563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935311699090771,0.0,0.1025855767823758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697754340918136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884449275413334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520702869651858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14768130973296378,0.0,0.0,0.16499960545462514,0.0,0.06562284862512277,0.0,0.12221605860322715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699542845318498,0.08016320952205046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637389143224654,0.0,0.0,0.06510817614859983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316798780113478,0.2457107942044387,0.0,0.0,0.0880225202933212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719965738253309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716350013773248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210113265125136,0.04923740127994923,0.0,0.061004151037521326,0.0448073250367015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217083334441788,0.0,0.0,0.15999095274160766,0.0924317470799412,0.0,0.0,0.06340289124580388,0.2719412458461266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818079485901366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803701940833484,0.0,0.054586518861184284,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,t_bryan_,2018/04/01,"Overthinking shit Longtime lurker but drunk enough to post. Do any of you like overthink text conversations so badly whrre you just won't even respond? Like I'm mainly talking about over text, because i just can't help but to just always hesitate clicking that send button to anyone im talking to that isn't close close family. I can't stop idk what to do about it but maybe I'm just crazy",4.316017316017317,6.023991272727272,4.5864285714285735,85.0377380952381,71.33766233766234,7.2112554112554115,25.82034632034632,7.793537801064563,1.4122917748917754,316,10,60,4,6,99,51,77,0.254,0.665,0.081,-0.9448,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,8,4,1,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,10,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,4,2,9,7,2,6,0,0,1,0,8,3,1,0,3,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286774291160266,0.0,0.0,0.18214316881659492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872828183451324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236386307958691,0.16327527378105314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27675454854086995,0.0,0.17690849811666393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524995744912296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795302504263777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893175840057694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617101901898394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690853933100141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565206032907849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27493811366605964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392965600997472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305658743167424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Punkimoo,2018/04/01,"Abuse Has anyone dealt with themself, realizing they are abusive to family/pets? What did you do for this? Sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it and I have to think back, I still don't feel bad about it, more just worry about consequences. What does this mean? I don't see a therapist anymore and I've tried to bring it up to my friend who is also bipolar/bpd but she doesn't relate. ",1.083445850914206,3.4547552911392434,2.770042194092828,90.83694796061887,84.69620253164557,6.042756680731365,20.17018284106892,7.3871296695380915,0.6458090014064695,304,9,64,5,9,100,58,79,0.107,0.8370000000000001,0.055,-0.5865,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,11,0,0,0,0,10,17,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,8,1,9,16,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,2,45,16,0,0.0,0.5449492980228219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183905443723838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280666071093825,0.16079907510486888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683130962292262,0.19201379660693074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28963683018359604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124667478812935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162788046735736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767281957644274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505027290829751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325483873700565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22744437722431626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836528589097832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670107429567801,0.0,0.1473543026128876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613327601289287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23354381575752026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,magicalmysterymeat,2018/04/01,"One of my best friends is abandoning me and I think there is freedom in that. To all of the people worried about being abandoned. I know it hurts. I know there will be moments in the coming years will I will be hurt by the person I did regard as my FP walking out of my life. But this is an opportunity to grow. I am still worth while even if he doesn't want to be my friend. It is my loss, sure, but it is his loss too. He felt I am too emotional. He feels he is too old to deal with the things I am going through. And that is his right. It doesn't make him a bad person. But I am also not a bad person for being emotional. I am not a bad person for having needs. Does that mean I should attempt to lean on every one all the time? No. I have behaviors I need to work on. But the ability to grow and learn is something we all possess and should be grateful for. To all the people who ask how to survive without their FP, you do it by constantly getting better. By learning to love yourself until you realize your worth is not dependant on other people. That their inability to help you is not a mark on them as a person but is also not a mark on you as a person. Be better. Grow. You are not irredeemable.",0.9248221343873516,2.865992754940713,3.001859288537553,91.56557154150198,81.92490118577075,5.7871304347826085,20.791936758893282,6.918507183188421,0.3799889011857713,929,27,206,11,25,314,123,253,0.078,0.723,0.2,0.9883,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,6,3,9,11,17,0,0,15,0,35,2,0,3,5,45,50,18,0,6,13,0,2,0,2,5,1,0,0,6,13,8,0,2,9,0,2,6,10,9,0,2,2,2,32,8,36,36,5,23,0,6,0,1,30,9,0,2,8,166,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723762205546195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035971777909372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775779880955389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629363116565634,0.19601393580512427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954574132079733,0.0,0.11975177638703875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424552232890685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697505784434143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493041882603141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319234130745128,0.0,0.09336651759564353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056031454040977806,0.0,0.10639989285132866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123097287378464,0.0,0.057896326213349385,0.0,0.06297878614726747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427703871836719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237259754715081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180218322289155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782719960952588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001497185985417,0.0,0.07396995275973926,0.0,0.0,0.12071015170095027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433601395190325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628182680568178,0.0,0.15018238578203605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304757528095023,0.5805569280537795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946355065694535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531089292798387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849709757840638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444193868565713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362064137876388,0.07100585405717348,0.0,0.0,0.06461718733202082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536162860183045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682182075121588,0.0,0.08067472679768603,0.11253813294613324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136130374157652 bpd,CC2131,2018/04/01,"Whirlwind My head is completely surrounded by thoughts Uncontrollable and wild. One minute i am fine The next my whole world is crashing, The pain so unbearable I cry out in anguish Wanting it all to be over, Wishing o didn't have to go through this, Wishimg my husband Didnt have to bare with me through my pain and anguish. Spiraling out of control, Wanting to be set free, But forever trapped In the hellish forces Of the whirlwind.",3.3637037037037025,6.245893271604942,3.070617283950618,89.07777777777781,79.24691358024691,6.562962962962962,36.160493827160494,7.793537801064563,2.961775308641975,349,22,65,6,9,104,58,81,0.279,0.6509999999999999,0.07,-0.9715,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,1,3,4,0,9,3,1,1,1,12,14,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,6,0,1,3,0,7,3,15,9,2,10,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,1,44,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265034610859474,0.0,0.2835138259471199,0.0,0.0,0.2776665310342354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366047718779285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594248059059465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688339820521729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171290005147111,0.0,0.5379506528443977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067877390801853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981919255399197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822194063346629,0.2906840754673119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,harpervn,2018/04/01,"BPD in the health care workplace My psychiatrist diagnosed me with BPD about 2 years ago and I took it really hard. I have a bachelors in psychology (as well as a bachelors in a medical profession) and had learned the minimum about BPD, but I knew it had a bad stigma. I was really upset. Also, I’m a medical professional in a large academic hospital in a very urban, inner city area. I’m REALLY good at what I do and I’m super smart. I know this. The patient population I serve is very diverse but includes some very difficult (for everyone) to handle patients. They often have mental illnesses of their own, but I hadn’t seen BPD as a diagnosis before in any of my patients charts. When a patient is being super unruly, verbally abusive, screaming, attention seeking, and being truly over the top inappropriate, and morally and ethically challenging, many coworkers say, “patient clearly has a personality disorder” or “don’t worry he/she’s just borderline” to explain away their behavior. The stigma is very much real here. They don’t know I am BPD. I get really mad inside when I hear these comments. I have BPD, but I don’t act like those people. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am. It makes me feel like I’m just as unbearable as they are (which I am outside of work sometimes). I guess it’s just hard to hear those kind of things knowing that you have the diagnosis that is being talked about so badly. I think I do a really good job of putting up a front for my BPD for the sake of my career and professionalism. Sometimes I have a hard time controlling my mouth. I’m worried I will end up ruining the career I love because of BPD. I’m afraid to even say what kind of healthcare professional I am. I feel most normal at work. I just don’t know how long I can keep up the front. Has anyone else directly experienced the stigma against BPD?",3.6183555595602783,5.6985703994413415,5.526161470535232,76.01171111912059,74.0558659217877,9.200360425301858,28.308163633087037,9.698958519613793,2.9977618309605343,1465,60,268,41,31,504,180,358,0.147,0.716,0.13699999999999998,-0.4004,1,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,5,8,17,21,1,2,23,0,31,7,1,3,1,39,57,22,0,1,9,0,6,2,0,1,5,5,0,1,14,8,0,2,11,0,0,5,5,8,1,0,7,13,38,13,39,46,4,29,1,1,1,1,15,17,0,5,9,175,52,12,0.0,0.07621849244406327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057023138635961826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051443302060370524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04374543612834466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497982889549314,0.06591192454964567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060438536365525125,0.0,0.1074228531640634,0.03921392225101277,0.0,0.054738628050101205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7291729476363766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558696844169505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072149635663889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529184982814855,0.0,0.0,0.0737257817134599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373802329137221,0.0,0.0569757621973953,0.0,0.0,0.042488222068412886,0.0,0.0,0.06146842801162086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505262216189751,0.04595613589381151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721774221608713,0.0,0.0,0.1079110180089847,0.0,0.0,0.07086485255898571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305020131115332,0.0,0.0,0.06837795322895146,0.14500529298945522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383589161743579,0.057177930731557636,0.0,0.13397600847660646,0.1414125608430258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285509626009908,0.0,0.0,0.05692850326975199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805878400169361,0.0,0.04293962623826952,0.06521877892531927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960794830308334,0.06482777579681052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728868730962005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630280559501555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044597129480257305,0.056168972604408736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466768872056422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321966558752592,0.2472620592956895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231285998166964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724462704925066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051704634536510426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042736850657371483,0.04121896419006027,0.0,0.0,0.0375103372259474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147108572642652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231027112483467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057838848994729276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049526137264046,0.13065698127334266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041425303061795836 bpd,shadeaux4322,2018/04/01,"emotions are so much more intense than other people’s. Having bipolar 2 and BPD together is a wild rollercoaster. It sucks because when a normal person feels sad they just cry and then move on. But for me it feels like my lungs are being ripped out of my chest, I have to cover my ears to drain out the sounds in my head (makes no sense ik), & I always have to get in the shower and lay on the floor because I feel like my mind is on fire. It’s so exhausting and wrecking my life. I’ve had to drop out of school, move in with my parents, and now I’m contemplating quitting my job because I can’t stand disappointing people. I accidentally broke the sink at work and my boss was angry. Its made me so upset and scared that I get intense anxiety at work now. I hate my emotions some times. But other times they are so beautiful and raw. Just running my fingers through my dogs fur as he sleeps on my chest fills me with so much warmth and safety it literally sends tingles from my fingers to my chest. Just a simple love like that can rush through my entire body. But a normal person maybe just feels comfort. Does anyone else feel this way? Love hate relationship with their disorders? How do you all handle disappointing people? Tell me everything! ",4.438720400728593,5.84920255327869,4.88191256830601,84.20561930783244,70.59836065573771,7.553369763205827,26.260473588342442,7.984000788550335,1.4703413479052825,989,31,194,13,18,314,143,244,0.17600000000000002,0.706,0.118,-0.9368,3,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,3,3,13,16,3,2,8,0,14,16,10,4,1,36,29,21,0,2,7,1,8,3,0,0,4,2,1,2,10,15,0,0,5,0,0,6,2,10,0,0,3,10,31,6,28,25,5,28,0,4,0,2,13,13,1,1,9,123,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668889521006407,0.12590419662140456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889377290250111,0.0,0.0,0.08125073894071927,0.11906209307968807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21250593240771176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907358865101234,0.1463516283381423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764181016260645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317690151998324,0.0,0.10168865104002718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970713808578997,0.2614219281365409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044343490595895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937746624696023,0.16602864403543485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142089819134658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22944970201907974,0.1192561872818408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531198522135823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207650373267167,0.17031044168227602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975264770782087,0.10995259900046282,0.07756535423475727,0.0,0.11673995104186224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733031504915348,0.0,0.0,0.24700745240020275,0.17084283696900526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277054513411122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290279321626688,0.0,0.0,0.241678313182884,0.20292520632983133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359452016428543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475684445224985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633789902000267,0.11760204690238475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628534537145115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156516818891426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551597204182214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922352833000448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691920442934413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lobaron,2018/04/01,"A friend is moving out of state and all I can think about is how I can't seem to succeed. He's moving for a great job. It seems like any time anything good happens to others, any wholesome emotions I should be feeling are swallowed up by dark cloying jealousy and self despair.",6.662303030303029,6.211654745454545,6.149090909090912,83.63030303030305,65.18181818181819,7.333333333333332,36.51515151515152,3.1291,2.051424242424242,221,10,42,0,3,68,47,55,0.118,0.6509999999999999,0.231,0.7889,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,7,1,0,1,1,10,12,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,5,8,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,26,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31843988425667025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926732925067779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633705486986913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838577521007458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808922489215889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963814692804896,0.0,0.2581348477517024,0.0,0.0,0.20704495458549185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23234302520653385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143866157790962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4976972569594795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262957243505328,0.24425404175141796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500243607967809,0.0,0.0,0.1365260985124776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cheshirecatcwh,2018/04/01,"I have just been diagnosed with Bpd after a lifetime of feeling lost and different. Hello, This will be my first post on here. Yesterday I was diagnosed with bpd, I always knew I was different from other people but started to believe I was just a horrible person born bad. I had a very bad childhood, Parents split up, I witnessed violence at home, saw my father beaten up in front of me when I was 16, dad left and went away for a year without even telling me them just walked back into my life then weeks later walked out again leaving me heart broken. Dad attempted suicide, mother turned to alcohol so when I was 12 years old I would get home from school and would have to make my own dinner. I had to get w job at the age of 12 just so I could have a school jumper and other things that parents normally bought there children. Nobody at school ever knew what my home life was like because I felt like I had to lie just to fit in because I didn't have the confidence to reveal who I really was. I left school and had about 10 different dead end jobs before joining the British Army. All I ever wanted to do was make my parents proud, especially my dad who I idolized. I passed all my training and a week before my passing out parade called my dad to see if he was coming to watch. He said he couldn't come, my heart sunk but I pretended like it was ok and just carried on as normal. I was devastated because all my step mother had ever said is ""you will never pass the training or won't stick to it"" I did and I wanted them to see me and be proud. I passed out and went to phase 2 training at Deepcut in Surrey. Everything went downhill from there. I felt like it wasn't worth it and I didn't have the will power to stay because I thought as an 18 year old lad that nobody cared. I started to drink a lot, spend all my money on going out and that would lead me to miss military lessons etc.... I ended up going AWOL. I did 13 months in the Army before being kicked out. Before I knew it I was back home at my alcoholic mother's house in my tiny bedroom with all my family telling me how disappointed they were with me and that I had blown a great career. Now they tell me and seem to care !! My life spiralled out of control from that day!! 10 months after being discharged from the Army I ended up in a young offenders institution for driving offences. I was cought drink driving 3 times in 6 months, I was out of control and was devastated that I was kicked out of the Army. I did 3 months in prison and came out Jan 2000. I tried to calm down. I got a job in a pub and it was ok as a stop gap. Then worked in a warehouse for a few years before getting a job as a recruitment consultant. One thing I started to do was to lie to everybody around me about who I was. I never told anybody about the fact that i was kicked out of the Army or went to prison. I would like and say I was a great soldier an glamourise the service which I served to make myself more attractive to people as not to reveal the real looser I was. I fathered 5 children to 4 different women. All the relationships ended because of my cheating and lying I never told them I went to prison and exaggerated my army service just to appear better than I was. All this came back to bite me and I would just move on the the next woman and start again, I had no feeling and was numb to the fact that I was destroying these poor women's lives. I always hated myself that's my I lied. To hide who I was. My father died in 2013 and I went crazy, I needed help, i took cocaine every weekend for months and would sleep with woman and cheat all the time. I would end up in some very dangerous situations. I have gone from a good lad to an absolute looser. I'm now 38 and have a wonderful partner that knows everything about me and this is the first time in my life I have ever had the courage to be me and not have to lie. I always knew I was different. I have dpb. This has made me who I am and has left so much destruction and heart ache behind me I just don't know where to start to put it right. Sorry for the essay and thanks for reading ",3.6617689923104817,4.542037080760097,4.718755585973671,86.64998329240309,71.89786223277909,7.561206167720117,25.553846773219533,7.773731181650412,1.2299072184870563,3210,95,680,39,59,1052,325,842,0.17,0.735,0.095,-0.9974,13,0,5,0,0,1,63.0,0,1,5,14,36,33,8,0,42,2,79,16,4,8,17,130,139,50,3,15,17,13,4,5,1,11,9,3,5,8,33,53,5,3,16,6,5,28,13,14,0,3,69,11,114,19,116,52,15,135,0,3,4,0,48,47,0,8,63,478,147,18,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204049349908496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917216080027775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04249930906712927,0.0,0.0,0.044853921659159815,0.11012886220879976,0.07972291405409951,0.1455113163195831,0.0,0.2031189272552956,0.053787375534678696,0.0,0.04222273422546878,0.0,0.0,0.12025538022612685,0.0,0.048748551653958284,0.10920519371885204,0.0973495693725513,0.0,0.0,0.08224870280117386,0.0,0.0,0.10709041947120893,0.03811703237045045,0.0,0.0,0.030788776256800238,0.0,0.0,0.09691153006954377,0.04954726787113218,0.24939414344121816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353534361265108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21142027320259735,0.0,0.05324345564800849,0.03153225572121311,0.17273664093905486,0.040223565144038624,0.0,0.08581245386496257,0.0,0.04500564550101157,0.0,0.048278224352187656,0.0,0.0916770407986994,0.0,0.0,0.0812163621289341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482757338542415,0.0,0.054264234599776716,0.04004260062373144,0.038182567047691206,0.10526849252589897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047134018036553565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971873612431582,0.031999558112831734,0.0,0.1915510983298549,0.0,0.0,0.055086311933335866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895009544462984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052474036493149766,0.0,0.0,0.05055046580357154,0.15561110054949512,0.0,0.1348825602568466,0.11661837517369107,0.0,0.04215587748839632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052114569995376316,0.040587401966608004,0.0,0.04517336687604684,0.09560178392060947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19053069696415506,0.050740766338524965,0.035094878259826524,0.035399094519802735,0.11046162048548992,0.0,0.05077273358698984,0.0,0.09355142112706763,0.0,0.0,0.10019158379329764,0.0,0.03235030679923706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15903105983381222,0.0,0.0,0.06619472516121007,0.04168530292720224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572235560662972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047992549425893385,0.0,0.0,0.04775357936739324,0.05433932291659711,0.030583889308239545,0.0,0.0,0.05125560246843885,0.0,0.04077026284648667,0.09082460044929937,0.03796528905488266,0.0,0.1932643869590798,0.07608625013824047,0.04346130391099122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366250217029505,0.047775137800519535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344176035934112,0.1689554245754432,0.050885191534232516,0.0,0.0399133295010699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522205334903697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518232345938213,0.043953185629517104,0.0,0.0,0.06343354642977041,0.0,0.0,0.03790075140953795,0.08351388841545579,0.0,0.0,0.09123649314967958,0.05304162994087385,0.032412774406106314,0.051928129077003206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878208872295192,0.056317356450463964,0.0,0.07658935566667896,0.0,0.0,0.2655364210506121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602029267493892,0.05177270936219855,0.034755769117125725,0.0,0.0,0.2373951661548608,0.0,0.0,0.12297367937590355 bpd,Rain12913,2018/04/02,"Regarding Other BPD Subs I have written many posts on this topic in the past few years. It continues to be an issue, despite my best efforts to stay on top of it. Of all the rules we have, this one is violated most frequently, and on a near-daily basis I ask people to read it. Before you read any further, please go ahead and review the rule ""No Drama About Other BPD Subs"" here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/about/rules/ Other than /r/BPD, there are several subreddits that concern themselves with borderline personality disorder, and most of them are intended to be safe spaces for current and former loved ones of people who have BPD. As you might expect, those who frequent these subreddits have often had negative experiences with people who have BPD, and, accordingly, they may harbor negative feelings towards BPD and anyone who has it. Given this, these subreddits are not places where people with BPD can go and expect to not feel hurt by what is being said. I have seen some very, very hateful and unfair things said on these subs, but remember that they are intended to be *safe spaces* for loved ones. Those who have BPD, of all people, should understand that sometimes people feel hateful and say very hurtful things, and it's a good thing that this particular group of people has a safe space where they can express those feelings among each other. This is a natural part of the healing process for people who have been hurt, many of whom were in quite abusive relationships with someone who has BPD. We need to *respect their right to have a safe place*. Some of these subs make it very clear that they don't want people with BPD going there and arguing or disagreeing with what is being said (and certainly not flaming/trolling). We need to respect their space and rules. I ask that they respect our space and rules as well. I have made it very clear since the beginning of this subreddit that *everyone* is welcome here, including loved ones. Loved ones are allowed to participate here as long as they abide by the etiquette rules. If they do not abide by these rules, then I intervene. I have worked closely with the mods of these subs for months/years, and we are all on the same page about this. If someone from over there comes here and breaks our rules, I contact them, and vice versa. It is in everyone's best interest to maintain each group's respective safe spaces. With that said, even if you have no respect for their right to having safe spaces, there is a more ""practical"" reason for this rule. Namely, every time somebody mentions those subs here, at least one person with BPD goes and visits them and is exposed to content that is painful. This perpetuates the cycle and exposes people to a lot of pain that they didn't need to experience. So, here is the rule: **Do not make any submissions or comments relating to BPD subreddits intended for loved ones. I am now extending this rule to include not just negative comments, but *any* comments, because any mention of these subs inevitably leads to negative discussion. This is not only in the interest of respecting loved ones' right to safe spaces, but also in the interest of protecting people with BPD who may not have known about those subs and who then visit them and feel bad**. I will be enforcing this rule in the same way that I enforce all of the other rules. Depending on the context, I will issue warnings, suspensions, or permanent bans. I am understanding and fair but I am also firm. You are free to express your opinions about this here, but this rule will not be changing.",6.990557150217117,8.142612052550234,6.303173989843234,77.30952215352914,64.48686244204018,9.624037683079415,31.94262898358725,9.725611199111238,3.03888330021344,2846,107,491,56,42,871,258,647,0.097,0.74,0.163,0.9953,2,0,0,0,0,0,98.0,6,5,15,8,25,39,4,0,23,0,61,9,0,10,7,116,97,43,0,10,21,0,5,0,0,7,3,5,0,2,65,41,0,9,10,3,1,7,17,10,1,8,12,11,41,30,83,71,20,59,0,3,1,6,68,34,0,17,14,372,106,5,0.0,0.04887522611182108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597619395278821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220731418702357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028843384817033156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712750166279635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034442535332378545,0.02514598826729885,0.0,0.03510122986180835,0.0,0.08657993800953177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7273517688215522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363767450458834,0.03553374692687945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047276771502147256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02724563808720013,0.0,0.034755417061841334,0.07883344898250272,0.0,0.08070202161024848,0.0,0.0,0.1042877363279984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703310148529818,0.034599053563127334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145287215564269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247888974758515,0.0,0.0,0.08610983674379792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03650549073190698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035069792489916186,0.223381709991918,0.03903232347113973,0.05507020341796268,0.08364328562523632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043760377186951235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176041128440048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361984092852416,0.03137294683739185,0.08778711235453023,0.0,0.0,0.04467038951834327,0.03937837373009842,0.31457776047905384,0.07203688103707677,0.08619621296164337,0.04528078116790592,0.0,0.0,0.0395066805358438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043875100126486176,0.08252354365736626,0.0,0.0,0.042412496154481616,0.0,0.044287716271976266,0.04672889847662577,0.10568338364909044,0.1569551011595667,0.032804139818306606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04660144645676235,0.0,0.03412292989463093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990301399352136,0.0,0.04079790690632376,0.0,0.0,0.04396766044260096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221521466273203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02405356173627176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588667714180723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018036198209704,0.02433067785323281,0.032742813229948355,0.0,0.0,0.037089251335422575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030030934519234068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312807926191642 bpd,n0_username,2018/04/02,"My husband has gone away for 4 months so that sucks. (Long post ahead and no idea how to make the text uniform so yeah). Hi all. I haven’t posted in about a year, although I’ve lurked this sub off and on in that time. I am posting now because my husband is gone for about 4 months (I am a military spouse) and I believe utilizing this sub may be helpful for me in his absence. With some thought I have developed a multi-pronged approach for handling the next 4 months: 1. Staying busy – I’ve listed a bunch of activities I can do in a note book that will keep me productive and fill the empty time, y’know, things like reading or taking a walk or a bath blah blah. 2. Setting and achieving goals – Behaviorally, this would probably require therapy, although my behaviors have lessened now that I’ve settled into home life, work, and have friends in my new home state (we moved here a year ago). My plan is to set goals for myself daily, not major ones, but realistic ones. I’m the type who can easily spend an entire day lying in bed watching TV (I guess that would be called being lazy af? lol), but I’m happier with myself when I’m productive. 3. Not self-isolating – I prefer to self-isolate but tend to feel better with (limited) social interaction. So I have a goal to reach out to someone once a week (I work long hours during the week but plan to do this on weekends), like calling my mom, or texting a friend to get coffee, etc. My father-in-law told me he would call me weekly to check up on me too, which is awesome. I guess that’s really all I’ve got so far, and I’m honestly not sure if anyone will find my situation or ideas applicable at all to their lives, but there you go. Of course, I must be vigilant about follow through because I’m a damn flake and LOVE to make lists, plans, and goals, and then NOT do shit about them, dae? lol. SMFH at self. I really only had one goal for today, and that was NOT to cry and NOT to throw up taking my husband to the airport. It was very important to be emotionally strong as preparing to leave is always stressful for our military members. Even if they’ve done it multiple times, as my husband has (but this is our first as a couple), it’s still a stressful, shitty experience. So, I knew it was critical to not make a tough situation worse by crying and telling my husband I can’t live without him and I can’t be alone for 4 months. The throwing up part probably sounds really weird, but I’m someone who has strong visceral reactions to stress. Smfh at myself. Anyway, I succeeded at my goal and I am proud of myself for doing so. As he was boarding the plane I felt my face contorting up but I just told myself NO! You have to be strong, and by the time he turned around I had a smile on my face and was giving him the thumbs up and waving. Now I’m home and I’ve taken a long, hot shower and finished the dishes and fixed dinner (no kids or pets so it’s just me here). The other part that is helping me be strong is being cognizant of our relative suffering. I may suffer emotionally while he is gone because I will miss him and we have never been apart before and it’s hard, etc. But he is suffering in a far more real sense, in that he is not going to be home for 4 months, he has to stay in the dorms and take gross showers and eat gross food and be in a terrible climate and so on. I could probably list 5 pages of all the ways going overseas sucks, but if you’re a spouse or even serve/have served yourself, you know already. It’s no picnic. Some countries are better than others, but he’s going to a sucky one. Meanwhile, I get to keep all my daily routines, the many creature comforts of our home, safe food and water, and so on. Therefore, it would be pretty ridiculous of me, not to mention insensitive to the extreme, to complain or act woe is me. This is one reason I wanted to be strong today, but inwardly of course I am very sad to not have my husband beside me for what seems like a very long time. Tl; dr: My husband has gone away for 4 months and these are my thoughts about it, anyone else in a similar situation? ",3.988326192151092,4.869246085054679,5.0527172731342365,84.55382213126984,71.13851761846902,8.01116156125429,27.439811558056746,8.261097354062574,1.6964844876468212,3180,107,657,46,57,1047,361,823,0.126,0.74,0.134,0.8993,2,1,0,0,0,0,110.0,6,3,2,25,30,39,5,3,40,3,72,12,3,6,8,116,119,71,0,11,35,10,4,5,2,10,2,1,11,2,32,38,6,5,12,5,2,16,19,20,0,6,21,6,75,19,98,74,15,99,0,6,1,1,54,35,4,17,42,431,107,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503403901548797,0.0,0.0,0.058816707422655976,0.0626685319028253,0.0,0.04725334280540586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941695914545352,0.05818746700125744,0.0,0.05055461964076275,0.0,0.0,0.10671105006877532,0.0,0.0,0.10385490133513088,0.0,0.04832360965215498,0.06398222397769973,0.0,0.10045124571742944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739650272674708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534172709205712,0.06283640783840942,0.12476101208545776,0.03662447477460184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058115288679595985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810974930881455,0.047440269395021537,0.1277608970528432,0.0,0.0,0.12667041924814562,0.07501774637715879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555094516327172,0.0,0.0,0.028714434688821632,0.0,0.05452674442363587,0.0,0.05190449672489973,0.04830504761323705,0.13733997271460968,0.0,0.08775072272248809,0.0,0.05934025115821968,0.0544775818294543,0.12909893362998778,0.0,0.0454196831989659,0.0,0.12511988681863245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087216149920041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612949596481364,0.0,0.2848220691817672,0.0,0.055926134679120186,0.0,0.0,0.12821667480484433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009540832064986,0.0,0.0,0.06241995491589016,0.0,0.0,0.06013179102103379,0.0,0.0,0.040112043463967705,0.0832333192624483,0.0,0.10029218821803423,0.2010273818021888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125466448316356,0.0,0.1137221269985994,0.05757555362718837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651107679883231,0.2719726167697792,0.06035816108146954,0.0,0.0,0.04379949800850915,0.0548475711398578,0.06039618739583976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06047887385085366,0.19240988752477645,0.04319090933783679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299480528702628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316568533774026,0.05777525148748356,0.1836857840929251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056804783286953625,0.0646387873564249,0.10914226078388904,0.05838897715583079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516989507956763,0.1777312362969165,0.0,0.05829351868335182,0.0,0.19150104642212631,0.0,0.057889657202624664,0.09623497453026356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105992119999665,0.045352100388239,0.0,0.19515624994280087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053523351811822426,0.0,0.1280957182472866,0.0,0.0496364520361168,0.0,0.06494364560175936,0.0,0.03772836409124149,0.0,0.0,0.09016890456180393,0.1655718236460284,0.0,0.10765945091773148,0.10852943988462507,0.0,0.0,0.06177057631684591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057164518613746,0.03349586848611299,0.04507679450739124,0.13665913032177185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474296978012659,0.0,0.08268674134269381,0.0,0.057873265810170285,0.16136628494437688,0.0,0.0,0.07314104303265384 bpd,KhaiPanda,2018/04/02,"Getting testing done. Finally. I've been having mental health issues since I was 14-15 years old, with my first hospitalization at 16. Actually was having symptoms since I was probably 8 or 9, but no one thinks an 8 year old can actually be depressed. I'll be 30 at the end of this year, and for the very first time ever, I'll be getting a full battery of psychological testing this upcoming Wednesday. Due to a mix of very unfortunate things with my physical health this year, all of my medical bills are covered for the next 3 months until our health insurance renews, so my therapist was like, ""Since you seem interested, and have never had it done let's do all of it since it'll be covered 100%"". I feel like i'm finally going to have definite answers and degrees of severity for all of my issues, including issues I've been having for my whole life and have just started realizing I have since seeing this new therapist since September. For example, I always thought I was just super super severely depressed, but really I'm just anxious as all get out. Is it sad that I'm actually excited about seeing what the psychological tests will tell me? ",8.334549624687233,7.493338151376148,9.135421184320267,64.86449958298583,61.98165137614679,12.69791492910759,38.6255212677231,11.911945987284742,4.78571009174312,919,41,160,26,11,314,123,218,0.115,0.773,0.112,-0.1742,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,1,0,4,6,9,0,0,7,0,28,6,0,0,6,25,42,10,0,0,6,0,1,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,6,0,1,1,2,3,0,3,11,3,15,6,22,24,6,26,0,3,2,0,3,4,0,2,23,105,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.26945214884155744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658432905212137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397856179974636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854716326503893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837695396601795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151977607441037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325509703901343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653799253547807,0.06575311611153761,0.0,0.20164978882278486,0.0,0.15657769129795054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426069303027336,0.0,0.05230823168485912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935014058963545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881963220735546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411673758195398,0.06501029881098826,0.08993180915257737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272022449235554,0.09275427940830024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346513896959835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098662165796353,0.08889242932891438,0.09788516990352318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931601769226596,0.0,0.062368422059627775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923426715086746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058962931277245466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668730627519452,0.0837894046076366,0.0,0.2079571235994927,0.0,0.4568167013608784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514611001731435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566439661777601,0.0,0.0,0.08044667636252233,0.0,0.0,0.2137301634205592,0.06114702746133181,0.0589752659938346,0.0,0.07306916979046524,0.053669037029128924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188463561427448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275893816793848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23708196602706025 bpd,Rolx69,2018/04/02,"Do you ever feel like you would be happyer if someone else was in control of your life? I am not going to go into specifics of my life, but in short, I sometimes feel like I wish someone else was in control of my life's decisions. If someone else told me what carreer to pursue. If somebody else told me what clothes to get. If somebody else could somehow take over my social interactions. What book I should read, what game I should play. Heck, if somebody could tell me what political stance to take. Is this in any way normal (as far as normal goes for BPD)?",4.24218181818182,5.51334462727273,4.576136363636365,86.74420454545454,70.9090909090909,6.954545454545455,29.20454545454545,7.1686216300943375,1.5160909090909092,439,17,88,4,8,138,65,110,0.0,0.893,0.107,0.9003,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,1,23,21,8,0,13,7,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,2,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,2,14,3,16,11,0,12,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,6,3,56,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748482028511974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202722418753576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885785795424892,0.2054293766361974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5373430609230017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636917364614258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009624460508848,0.18381182795265807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721309258973902,0.0,0.1462268596769666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726029403669465,0.12570149681867507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520947845412864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12868247383807072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114008834151353,0.3270082344053821,0.0,0.12723582520689358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345405977353256,0.0,0.11244372517515147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458567043212587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211452441600438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793845999176175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138760654981036,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,justabitobsessive,2018/04/02,"I wouldn't cope without my boyfriend I only just realised my boyfriend is my fp. I'm so completely in love with him and we are really happy (at least I am) but I'm in a complete panic that I have no idea what I would do without him. I've always been worried that he will leave me because I love him so much and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but now it's more than just the thought of losing him that's scaring me, I just can't imagine my life without him and I don't know what I would do or who I would actually be. I promised myself I would never lose myself in a relationship but I fully have and I don't know how I would go on without him because he is everything to me. I just don't know what to do now that I've realised all this. ",1.2026090675791288,2.5271601976047933,3.335196749358428,92.39696107784435,78.76047904191617,5.969033361847734,24.503421727972626,6.5431188927421005,0.6080200171086401,591,21,139,5,14,202,82,167,0.112,0.745,0.14400000000000002,0.8083,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,3,10,9,0,2,4,0,22,3,0,1,3,34,32,11,0,6,12,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,6,0,0,1,11,4,0,0,2,0,33,5,15,22,5,10,0,2,0,2,14,5,0,1,4,111,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.1243223098306953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600554561016713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532157552898956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369659841855225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671492723349834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523900640876038,0.0,0.0,0.1144973280380612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240335860202889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265784743075401,0.1356178009033856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143817111785941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100442313172389,0.0,0.0,0.1348963467399814,0.0,0.0,0.08998514815020002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850520981865333,0.0,0.0,0.2299637803817863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936523688017235,0.0,0.09825738049821683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689210620741236,0.0,0.14947439117665212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161457804984266,0.0,0.0,0.13677803780911285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754786818033953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463773318516528,0.0,0.0,0.1011399761124584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4912294483597322,0.0,0.0,0.12937910198917385,0.0,0.4525002905365207,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mybustersword,2018/04/02,"What role does context play in your reactivity? In the day to day stuff, how are your opinions and your feelings shaped by the context of the situation?",6.092142857142857,7.705169642857148,6.305714285714287,74.78928571428574,66.85714285714286,8.457142857142857,35.42857142857143,8.841846274778883,3.0579428571428564,122,6,22,2,2,39,21,28,0.0,0.907,0.093,0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5624430238217436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38159753328342294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048416493487288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.490147769024035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4991823966046815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Susccmmp,2018/04/02,Can someone compare bipolar 2 to BPD? I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 several years ago but sometimes I think it could be BPD. Can anyone compare or contrast that m? Was anyone here misdiagnosed before a BPD diagnosis.,3.604615384615382,6.789901769230774,5.3032820512820535,70.93338461538463,82.58974358974359,7.222564102564102,36.0051282051282,8.238735603445708,3.9758266666666655,175,11,25,4,5,59,30,39,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840091269894737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902926512002224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663719326996924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7843276766149647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573752393922694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21069159947692845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23450884019877416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588375452282345,0.0,0.20530413878926296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330103147152983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367615382132236 bpd,Dreamseii,2018/04/02,"DAE get super paranoid in the shower? I get scared to close my eyes in the shower. I feel like when I look back someone will be right next to be on the other side of the shower cubicle watching me. Out of the corner of my eye I see the bathroom door opening every couple seconds and it freaks me the fuck out. Does this happen to anyone else? It's just in the shower, nowhere else..",1.4396153846153832,3.62864930769231,2.886858974358976,91.7310576923077,81.56410256410257,4.412820512820511,20.006410256410245,5.148860815047168,-0.18185128205128187,298,8,60,1,8,97,52,78,0.122,0.802,0.077,-0.4137,4,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,1,8,0,3,3,2,0,0,7,10,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,8,2,12,7,0,14,0,0,5,1,0,11,1,0,4,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332046138763224,0.25397795977467663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906011222492174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274269760909576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169177061762168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141367017006678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20884597834442167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533340793460762,0.1770824583440384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291571017393496,0.25900965789344005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191956737016616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109955230905699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20815316917866653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26361863204378594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168450387336354,0.0,0.0,0.2481668302084753,0.0,0.19752485006956505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21002428658422373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jgoldstein97,2018/04/02,"Talking to My Girlfriend About BPD Hi everyone. I suppose I should start off by saying that I've never been officially diagnosed with BPD, but it's become clear to me over the past few months that I have it (I've read about the different signs, psychological reports, and first person accounts, and it's actually been really helpful to see that other people have had the exact same experience I've had). For about the last 4 years, every winter (starting around October and ending in late March), I've suffered from a range of psychological issues. Whenever I'm in one of my ""better"" moods, I'm usually able to convince myself that it's all in my head; that I don't really have any disorder and I just *want* to have one so I can be cool and edgy. Of course, that doesn't really fit with the reality: in my worse moods (which usually take up most of the day), I cut myself incessantly, feel drowsy and alone, fear that I'm losing my friends and despair that I wouldn't even be able to reconnect with them if I tried, and have suicidal thoughts. Worst of all, my relationship took a real hit; my girlfriend and I are doing long distance and whenever I would hang-up from our nightly phone calls (during which I would usually be secretly frustrated with her) I would either break down crying for an hour, cut myself, or masturbate (which I know is messed up but I just couldn't stop myself—it was like a way to express my anger or something). It was a really rough time but every time I would go back and call again the next night, probably because somewhere in me I still loved her immensely. That being said, now that this year's spell seems to be over (I hope), I really don't want to go back to how I've been for the past few months, so I've realized that means two things: I need to admit it to myself, and I need to tell her. After that, of course, I'm gonna have to tell my family as well, but right now I just really need her to know what I've been going through. So my question is, for people who have hidden BPD/other mental illness from a loved one and then told them: how did you do it? Also, what kind of treatment did you seek afterwards? I really don't want to give her the wrong impression or scare her away, but at the same time I know that if I really love her then I can't keep hiding this and I need to make sure that what happened these past 6 months (we've now been dating for one year) never happen again. Thanks in advance!",7.709843193157518,5.938553540983605,7.942569493941555,75.90877405559517,63.795081967213115,11.519743406985032,32.078047042052745,10.374825546531014,2.9215642195295795,1920,53,392,37,23,631,232,488,0.156,0.7440000000000001,0.1,-0.9853,1,1,1,0,0,2,64.0,1,2,2,4,23,28,4,2,16,1,41,6,1,3,7,76,82,33,1,17,14,0,2,1,3,7,2,3,0,1,33,19,0,2,11,1,1,5,9,12,1,6,15,7,55,14,58,53,9,69,0,3,1,3,37,17,0,9,46,265,88,2,0.14071683693482515,0.0,0.06865966710031375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287010254344935,0.0,0.05626560182859339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784613725081465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626339092869457,0.0,0.0,0.06610405020764144,0.10820256167090732,0.0,0.04288983885450473,0.07770534541705866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062226303518196566,0.0,0.0,0.2658418951395143,0.0,0.1436876235960066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728541890964366,0.04537535930474726,0.0,0.0,0.07141231371135003,0.0,0.07350957227243184,0.08063684313116677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231667527712696,0.0,0.0,0.04647107183167773,0.0,0.11856000418500184,0.06723048398939625,0.0,0.0688240339831377,0.06632765519218836,0.07917278158053154,0.03557533041105966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598468348057664,0.0,0.0,0.05435873957631975,0.0,0.0,0.06749420612249947,0.11995893187626128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244354341769753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220803575178457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047159764806897216,0.0,0.0,0.06988178495776053,0.06928886956627635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343590918898345,0.0,0.06253779510788937,0.0,0.07326746578867156,0.11600144027425575,0.05735150166396096,0.07936736062823864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034373569322186416,0.0,0.0,0.06226498629335015,0.0,0.07871307327858659,0.0,0.0,0.19050365892869772,0.0,0.04696479066907106,0.0,0.0,0.07664094398817249,0.0,0.0,0.07090473733851897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847825508666592,0.0,0.0,0.20867950314121256,0.10852949956196448,0.0,0.07482697623894785,0.13205321904337552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907067409748028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149521494441625,0.09755533682848147,0.06143425715503281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758582751350989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881753096400976,0.0,0.0703774584546747,0.08008328363400594,0.3605872360039585,0.0,0.0,0.07553861053094058,0.0,0.06008570493930311,0.06692696787821878,0.05595183834542315,0.07044105101122086,0.0,0.05606655018338064,0.06405166169533866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054165347937534906,0.0,0.0,0.09960010144805416,0.0,0.05618832387374991,0.058822788280187215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696069016993692,0.0,0.06631197674785605,0.0,0.052900774474278114,0.05655143163458275,0.12299271782668934,0.06477657877315265,0.0,0.0,0.04674300688695728,0.0,0.0,0.055856725151518544,0.12307967884728467,0.0,0.0,0.06723048398939625,0.07817079173924657,0.04776874769148875,0.0,0.06872995136460587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246957333809715,0.0,0.12449765440753363,0.05584723766462182,0.0,0.0,0.06326066790857432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170123930614568,0.19992240719042315,0.07692588554454602,0.0,0.13592554410495555 bpd,blankwave_a,2018/04/02,"Looking for connection with others with BPD. I have no idea what I'm doing please help. 29, male, US. **TL;DR:** In severe constant emotional pain, asking for help from those who have overcome BPD/ Bi-polar / trauma Recent BPD diagnosis but now that I know what it is I've for sure been symptomatic most of my live. Also Bi-polar 1 or 2... every doctor has their own opinion. I am very, very unhappy. I feel like there are many different people living inside of me with different competencies and severe emotion states. All my plans fall apart because I can't keep myself together long term. Every few weeks or months I have a serious breakdown and destroy my life. I was traveling the country for years living on communes, art collectives, a Zen monastery, and generally living the vagabond lifestyle. I felt like my life meant something. I was making a real try at living a life with meaning... but I could never hang onto my relationships. I pushed everyone out of my life or overshared to the point that they ran screaming away from me. I have a strong capacity to be charming, attractive, and clever. I say this not to puff myself up but to paint the picture of someone who has the ability to develop outstanding initial relationships and then when my emotions inevitably dysregulate, leave or am left broken and alone by those who thought they knew me. In my sixth month training at a Zen monastery (which I entered specifically so I would not be abandoned and so I could learn to accept/ better use my mind) I had a severe mental breakdown, disassociated for a while, left, was not allowed to return, and am now living with my mother. Currently I see a therapist/ acupuncturist twice a week, am employed part time in customer service (low stress), and take yoga classes/train BJJ 5 times a week+, and am on several closely monitored medications, vitamin supplements, and nootropics. I am miserable. My emotions are all over the place. I am having significant difficulty imagining a future where this near constant emotional agony will stop. I can't do anything that is terribly stressful over the long term (so many jobs and school out the window), I have completely lost interest in sex and romantic relationships, and I feel as though I have nothing to talk about except various philosophies as they relate to suffering. I feel very very alone and am compulsively terrified to open up to new people. My mother is a saint... but she is a poor conversationalist, frustrating company. ... I am lost in the woods. I don't know what to do... so I'm reaching out. Is there anyone here who has gotten better from severe mental disorder, from BPD, from Bi-polar, that can talk to me about what I should do? I'm a man of action... I have discipline... I've just tried everything I can think of and I am still in so much pain. Please. Please. Someone help.",4.63183752417795,7.178347928433273,5.361508704061894,76.21545454545458,72.61702127659575,8.500580270793037,29.762088974854933,9.195540489509971,3.0031168278529976,2257,97,376,53,47,730,274,517,0.168,0.6920000000000001,0.14,-0.9549,6,2,1,0,0,0,97.0,1,0,4,7,19,27,2,3,24,0,49,10,0,3,4,74,74,36,0,4,13,2,4,2,0,3,9,2,1,2,19,26,0,4,15,3,1,7,8,16,0,1,13,8,55,11,60,54,10,64,3,6,2,1,24,29,0,6,29,263,74,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455296333403885,0.0,0.04808588980196521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204425083447599,0.0,0.04948181568208428,0.0,0.05621337521094423,0.0,0.05649405623406779,0.0,0.0,0.03665465218100057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636008774508628,0.0,0.0,0.3029262085294894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304509611427787,0.12995820314345652,0.0,0.09601772556590972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564597469160751,0.0689141185158914,0.061545539604497775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381904356655865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132413252288952,0.05745673269958719,0.05404091119466847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121051027016888,0.04295683981795398,0.05773417024280397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091149014096035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787938111284286,0.0,0.0,0.05966968539702064,0.0534462518178849,0.0,0.0,0.06609168293018458,0.0,0.0,0.06366892240696853,0.13066270744233555,0.0,0.16988621423226669,0.05875290098423496,0.0,0.31857502202680904,0.10642620614079584,0.050494003921244285,0.0,0.13127786106666156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013720062152888,0.12192463900320027,0.0,0.06549913032408032,0.0,0.06057458668037124,0.12119366985477235,0.0,0.060714096397497086,0.0,0.0959902858920785,0.0,0.04420242316835449,0.0,0.04637591518257756,0.058073868943846675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769629735363682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279649873023414,0.0,0.0,0.06511486338017651,0.0,0.08337305607462712,0.0,0.06282298734580376,0.1980138461710832,0.056842227250889325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844103371604518,0.0,0.0,0.0593710597782213,0.19367115166651286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478177402437046,0.0,0.060854707576495824,0.047915775644015585,0.0,0.0,0.3396485739288929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018958029050006,0.046290964059070835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048019846267372886,0.05027132072100197,0.13775728195087147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566717550833598,0.0,0.04521023021415613,0.09666033318218208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698154926889547,0.0,0.03852883641622348,0.059077358920964065,0.047736454299678925,0.07012450095698497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164856192130886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232891197202658,0.05193296044996,0.0,0.19845398511070272,0.0,0.0,0.14469782816908194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04271458283867891,0.0,0.0,0.038721708721280695 bpd,ddot995,2018/04/02,"Can anyone help? 22 year old male. Diagnosed with Bpd a month ago, struggling to come to terms with the diagnosis. Over the past 18 months I've been struggling with insomnia, fatigue, brain fog, no energy, dizziness etc... which has seemingly been getting worse. I've also been diagnosed with low testosterone for which I am to self-inject every week but this gives me stupid anxiety so I've not been treating myself :( Don't want to put needles in myself; it scares me. I know what the causes are, my Dad used to beat me up regularly as a teenager (13-14 year old), and since he was taken away by social services 8 years ago, nothing has been the same. I was a bright kid, very bright, straight A's at school, played football at a high level and represented my county at athletics meets etc, had the world at my feet. 2012/13 I dropped out of 6th form due to not wanting to get out of bed at all. 13/14 I enrolled at college doing A levels, the same thing happened. The year after was the only time I have been able to hold down a job, landscape gardening, which I did full time and is the only period in the last 8 years where I felt pretty much symptom free. However I got into rapping/hip-hop. I enrolled at college on a music performance course for the 15/16 year and despite my attendance being in the 70's, managed to come out with the equivalent of 2 A's and a B at A level. I finally did it. I always needed to be hammered to perform though, but music gave me a voice. This inspired me to go onto study music at Uni, but the place I wanted to go shut down and we were relocated to a sub par facility. I've never been able to get over this and I dropped out of Uni in January. I've been in a relationship with a girl who I thought the world of but as I've declined and my mental health has really came to the forefront we are now over to. I currently have a place to study at Hull Uni (Geography) for next year, which I'm terrified that my symptoms will get the better of me and I will drop out again. I'm emotionally numb, I'm in my room almost 24/7 wanting to end my life, desperately scouring forums and things, trying to find a way out. I run away, I overdose, end up in mental hospitals and just feel that there's no escape, I hate it. Every day feels like a day zero for me, I'm struggling to cope, this medication does fuck all apart from make me sleep, at about 5am in the morning, I'm bed ridden until 5pm and the cycle repeats. I'm lost. I have no energy to pursue athletics and football or make music anymore, it's like I'm sapped. I don't get pleasure from anything anymore. The only time I feel decent is when I'm drinking - this leads me to want to fight everybody, I get in such a state that I don't even remember anything and people say I'm evil and that it is like I am a completely different person. All I want to do is fight my Dad, which I'll lose. I'm addicted to porn, I binge watch it and I just can't seem to get away from it. This fucking sucks, when will it end? When will I feel like me again??? I'm trying to get everything off my chest but it's impossible. I have no education, no relationship, no job, no money, racking up debt left right and centre. I feel like this is the end. I pray for a reset button but it's never going to come. 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I have extreme pent up rage and grief because I was hardly ever invited to parties during school due to being a traumatised, socially awkward weirdo, and missed out on a lot of the rebellious teen experiences I was dying to have. Yeah, you could say it's not worth it anyway, but the small bits of fun I have been able to have were worth it to me, because it was better than missing out, even if the memories are bittersweet now. Still better than the memories of being alone and desperate to escape. I managed to have a bit of that fun with ex friends, but typically, I lost them. I have a couple new friends who are lovely and do understand my struggles better than the old ones do, but they're not really available for the type of adventure I crave, and I don't want to be the person to try to pressure them into having it. I just miss it. I miss going out. I miss dancing. I miss laughter. God, I fucking miss laughter. Real laughter. I miss when alcohol didn't trigger panic attacks and sobbing and self harm. I miss when affection felt amazing and not exhausting and empty. I haven't had a truly exciting and fulfilling conversation with someone in person in about a year. I might be a fucked up mess but I really do enjoy fun and I miss it like crazy. Sure, I have days when I have to be a depressed bed-ridden bore, but also many MANY days when I'm down for something exciting. I'm 20, which is still young, but I can feel myself rotting inside. I can feel a declining sense of hope. Putting in the work to become a genuinely vibrant enough person to attract positive people sounds absolutely fucking terrifying, and the chameleon act is too much effort for too risky of a downside. I feel stuck. This is my first ever post in this sub and I'm feeling really shy about posting it... But I need to accept that it's okay. 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Well I had a pretty bad evening the other night and the guilt is consuming me. But I have to get something done today or I'm just going to feel worse and more worthless, so I'm trying to find some music to help get me through the day or the next hour or however long it's going to be this time. Do you have any songs that pick you up from the lowest of low moods? Here's a couple of my fav.'s if anyone wants some inspiration, too: Killer Queen - Queen You Make My Dreams - Hall & Oates Born Again Teen - Lucious Bodak Yellow - Cardi B What Is And What Should Never Be - Led Zeppelin ",0.8973170731707327,3.3455364552845523,2.2860487804878065,93.27785365853659,86.88617886178862,4.5808130081300815,16.330081300813006,6.079149491110277,-0.4787567479674793,476,10,100,4,15,153,90,123,0.153,0.7190000000000001,0.128,-0.5351,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,3,7,8,0,1,7,0,10,0,0,4,1,21,19,9,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,3,0,3,1,4,1,0,2,4,9,3,10,14,3,16,0,2,1,0,4,3,0,6,10,61,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23459951078947686,0.0,0.14724113854504325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139593530860648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807852956275032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395754468187456,0.0,0.13963759563072467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157530532647693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300952843979509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947910228116353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978955103026898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262457017295807,0.0,0.24610680155177697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23048974424842944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451289040802511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132287501069654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916135345527457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452889296775792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16699370105321654,0.0,0.2302716542727384,0.20318950951629366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027885053159404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668780299239844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625465075151848,0.0,0.2052358015452178,0.0,0.0,0.14700298082779825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277092045073465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19467763341375624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220652548296315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TerminationBliss,2018/04/02,"Feelings of having no purpose f(21) Well hello lovely people of the BPD subreddit! Please excuse me for my spelling/ writing mistakes. I'm a 21 year old female, and I'm studying at a university right now. The last few years were quite tough actually, but this year I finally got back on track and decided to go back to school after 2 years of working. This all sounds nice, but I feel worse than ever while going to school. I feel like I have no purpose, and I suffer from a severe lack of motivation: I have 4 exams coming up in the next 2 weeks, but all I have been doing is avoiding to study. I just don't feel like it, and I've never felt so demotivated in my life. Before, I always used to be a lazy student, but eventually would get my work done. Nowadays my days are mostly filled with feelings of wanting to give up, or wanting to quit school totally. And it really makes me doubt daily. Sometimes I truly decide to quit school (and hopefully find another field to study in), but the day after I think I will fail if I do. Sometimes it makes me anxious, and other days it makes me feel indifferent.. And I don't know what to do. The thing is, recently I went to a psychologist because of this.. but also because of many other problems I suffered from the last years (relationship issues, big fights, ''purpose'' issues etc.). My psychologist made me do some tests, and we suspect borderline now. To me this makes sense, because many of the problems I had last year; relationships, fights, feelings of not knowing what to do with my life.. All these problems could have been caused by BPD. I also talked to my parents about this, and they told me stuff about my childhood that would make me really vulnerable for getting BPD. I will get more tests in a few months.. and only then we will be ''sure'' about the outcome.. But I'm wondering: Do any of you with BPD relate to problems like this? Do you also feel like you don't know what you're doing it for? Did any of you quit an education, because you just don't know what your purpose is? And also, how sure were you when you quit school that it was caused by BPD? Or that it was caused by actually not liking it? (I don't even know if this question makes any sense at all). Thanks for reading :)! TLDR; I'm feeling the most demotivated to study I ever did in my life, psychologist thinks (not only because of this) that I might suffer from BPD. Now I'm doubting whether I should quit school or not. Want to know what other people with BPD their experiences are.",4.309289299566508,5.700480562628338,5.144560232717319,82.27309405658225,70.88911704312116,7.628770248688112,27.08013917408168,8.07648339933343,1.6591237052247318,1962,66,381,27,36,638,210,487,0.16,0.76,0.08,-0.9925,2,1,0,0,2,0,76.0,2,8,2,10,21,27,2,3,16,0,43,4,0,13,10,107,91,34,0,16,19,1,10,5,0,7,3,1,0,0,31,19,0,1,25,1,0,5,12,15,1,0,15,11,52,12,59,66,13,49,0,4,0,1,25,12,0,14,37,266,83,15,0.0,0.0,0.100548077395341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164795383557314,0.04286701967998187,0.0,0.0,0.10510181554625618,0.0540210099109186,0.0,0.05820056283227922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922816993392348,0.0,0.15702416785373327,0.0,0.04383793829141982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541949396543391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876922318366324,0.0,0.04437810900575718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04113285097276168,0.0,0.0,0.09967435028229882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272069816933814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057456076463659335,0.03402708696758764,0.09320177972183542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039439155367305,0.0,0.0,0.2344409828902111,0.1104131938188733,0.04946526293216948,0.05643534109992353,0.04708642712852239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074792903085773,0.04942066388864829,0.058557619419342434,0.0,0.04120357075194842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116889885434192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754260532523613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987734265629134,0.1259818931168534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916584866737594,0.12584521796150416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046496915998909684,0.048747482479532936,0.2063315891184171,0.10446212876775277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054652350424282084,0.0,0.0,0.04112109614303844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03973378033456911,0.0,0.054789870937916985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054059369638775126,0.0,0.0,0.07836336862794609,0.0,0.0,0.05720453104017656,0.0,0.0,0.07143205008136352,0.0,0.0,0.056551183489605514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718269001101105,0.0,0.0,0.057711838246319765,0.3287737676623409,0.051531841315581424,0.0,0.06600737165774219,0.0,0.05086771092648228,0.1106218887852258,0.0,0.04399600497453523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128331902863204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820056283227922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190504050255357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589756697675172,0.0,0.0,0.0971100218202342,0.0,0.0,0.04140813642821593,0.0,0.04743076052475205,0.0,0.0,0.03422620348052387,0.06602118003199624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922756104843653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044494924456343364,0.0,0.0,0.09115977632558243,0.0,0.041324551740019366,0.0,0.04632077900741256,0.04775760928764669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586896477025632,0.07501128931782843,0.0,0.0525011412345113,0.07319367585148723,0.0,0.0,0.19905503049848688 bpd,ethanakent,2018/04/02,"How common is it to struggle holding down a job? I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD after seeing a psychiatrist multiple times. I was first diagnosed with an anxiety disorder several years ago but always knew there was something more to it. For a long time I managed to work and push through the difficulties I faced. Even seemingly overcoming them after months of being signed off work and then going back to work full time and excelling in the jobs I found myself in. Then a year and a half ago everything came crashing down as my mental health got to a point I could no longer cope with, I ended up leaving my job before being let go with the intention of picking up some more work fairly quickly but I never felt in a position to do so. The last year and a half have been incredibly difficult. I’ve tried to work here and there during fairly good periods but inevitably my mental health deteriorates and I end up having to leave. I make some money blogging but I can’t stick at it to make any progress in building on what I already have. Right now I don’t see myself ever being able to hold down a job and for that matter even achieving my dreams of successfully being self employed or running my own business. I would like to go back to uni but I’ve already dropped out once because of my mental health and I don’t want to put myself in that position again as I’ve already got enough problems with money etc. Has anybody else found it difficult holding down a job? Achieving their dreams? and does it get any better? I’ve not started any treatment yet as such so there is still an element of optimism within me especially when I’m feeling up, however at the moment that isn’t very often.",5.244062831389186,6.522274570121954,5.908934252386004,78.09863202545071,68.54268292682927,8.753128313891834,31.029162248144218,9.085049710711278,2.7165820254506903,1361,55,245,25,23,443,178,328,0.067,0.81,0.122,0.9705,7,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,12,21,9,0,1,17,0,22,6,1,5,2,49,42,25,0,4,7,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,9,17,0,3,6,3,2,7,7,4,0,3,11,4,26,5,50,24,8,63,0,0,2,0,3,22,0,5,34,176,35,16,0.08231114487718555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592772712666374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724971855047585,0.0,0.06848946634615576,0.0,0.0,0.1679232032577411,0.0,0.06296780053553606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658437929359814,0.0,0.05017610993270679,0.0,0.07004072178820342,0.0,0.0,0.07279751869963197,0.0,0.0,0.10366800553458977,0.0,0.0,0.0941420218003042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571875146561608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708815882871053,0.0,0.0,0.0943357031324192,0.0,0.07203103756704206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876039960946807,0.0,0.14580648623805706,0.0850494158140848,0.09179868450657852,0.10873146979297044,0.0744551429433917,0.0,0.0,0.07397594956235408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04161898802308543,0.0,0.07903160719331821,0.0,0.0,0.07001381778386619,0.0,0.18049984368790795,0.0,0.0,0.043004175931108585,0.0,0.14033796148434785,0.06903868309716554,0.13166348364893896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624786938853643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084055523629863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670945689970686,0.0,0.17431123526769893,0.0,0.08416872238760778,0.0,0.040213067690469874,0.0,0.0,0.07284277303563431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988665672407236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24885082274494666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656999705468411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348342925040894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765868294904144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781063722216636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876064928453709,0.0,0.08274543509233613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127232547571317,0.0,0.0,0.07029326798466169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118265121452924,0.07493297490578714,0.08586847550057164,0.09298816477531237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336714068515584,0.0,0.0,0.0582602519972096,0.0,0.06573378662456075,0.0,0.0,0.08604948029121592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398887151973924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588386432615685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791531484412629,0.048549245856791406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996174689579759,0.0,0.0,0.0584714756986342,0.0,0.0,0.1590170358720503 bpd,rxssian,2018/04/02,"Why i may have developed BPD I wasn't abused or tortured or had anything done to me against my will or even seen anything traumatic but I still end up with BPD. How? I believe this was due to the fact that I never really had the option to make my own decisions as a kid. I was kind of forced into playing tennis even though I hated it. I was kinda forced to wear particular clothes with my choice of clothes always getting the veto from my mother. I was made to talk to people who I didn't want to talk to. The list goes on and on. Having no option to make my own decision and my own choice I believe would have caused for me to not develop a sense of identity and to figure out who I really am without my mother spoonfeeding me my 'identity' by making all decisions for me. I think this may have led to me being constantly angry or pissed off ever so slightly with it building up over time causing me to develop depression and gradually BPD. Anyone in a similar boat ?",5.226271477663231,5.555065355670107,6.529432989690722,77.04439003436426,68.12371134020619,9.971821305841926,31.115120274914087,9.928628108626363,2.98471615120275,765,29,147,17,12,260,110,194,0.17800000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.029,-0.988,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,0,7,0,19,2,2,8,4,41,28,13,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,1,5,1,0,1,6,4,0,0,11,1,27,2,35,12,4,17,0,1,1,0,7,9,1,9,7,118,34,0,0.0,0.16327175503011332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466154363461202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635372426332206,0.0,0.22679710684108784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105092732452888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206669364325434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831193513927808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891402062007356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186878745551578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101835580637995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220508618033116,0.0,0.0,0.1820326370351688,0.12464897270883996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199538057536796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360500446449977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349862700287966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039072067831742,0.2759498874136592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062806936804106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553392314720302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655781022431605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100481263093299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215185882917372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829737256707877,0.13538886860146446,0.0,0.08035292216185598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127865158272546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434404768512115,0.0,0.0,0.1328353306977923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788993869968173,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bees1280,2018/04/02,"sometimes i feel like my boyfriend doesnt care but now i know it's true he doesn't understand bpd at all. its not that it's hard for him to, he legitimately refuses to. i told him i want to hurt myself because of something he said to me and this is what he answered with: >Well You probably want me to get really upset but I know you're doing it bc you want to make it seem like I'm causing you so much pain u have to cut your skin. I don't care bc it's just dramatic and stupid. i don't know what to do. he hurts me so much but i love him. all i want to do is be with him but he has no love for me",-1.9618993135011424,-0.10448121739130124,0.9237909992372232,101.37593821510299,96.68115942028984,4.6443935926773445,15.958810068649885,6.339386263674448,-0.6297304347826085,464,12,124,6,19,160,75,138,0.203,0.621,0.17600000000000002,-0.8140000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,4,0,0,4,13,2,1,0,0,12,4,1,2,3,27,31,8,0,4,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,4,23,7,15,28,4,2,0,2,0,2,19,1,0,1,3,76,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952417215013057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562519579780855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329169011053391,0.16771702212311942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255114504250942,0.1166357792717959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529866134066938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625240677927467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495548127291302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691767472170287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952501207760633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29470412966214143,0.0,0.108979936422693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24003553770675254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372432512221225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602612262472048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459104973831257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530137791362933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862934381016618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256885443424964,0.16147219457627335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600567502702345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996350174035335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851891674257311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467938740600776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seeingwishes,2018/04/02,"I hate how my mood is entirely dependant on my FP If my FP likes my post on Instagram, I am euphoric. If they hang out with someone else, I feel lonely and neglected. If they take too long to answer a text, I start questioning whether or not they really like me and get depressed. I hate having an FP, why can't I have healthy expectations of people?",4.0062857142857125,5.1012356285714295,5.378571428571429,81.43642857142858,71.28571428571428,9.6,29.714285714285715,9.888512548439397,2.8229428571428565,274,11,56,7,5,92,53,70,0.277,0.637,0.086,-0.9272,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,0,2,8,2,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,17,11,8,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,14,2,6,11,0,7,0,3,0,0,4,3,0,6,4,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236466980821828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22934883985201676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881924295267287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343950754517834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5421167649762997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26825965160417514,0.0,0.0,0.24296550895882346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033636298023948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26294019204281793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30755554069067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588187706931585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23262283333513845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432582243466587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064252216149868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477360189443905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,redheadbeauty15,2018/04/02,"Does anyone feel like they can’t trust their own emotions and mind anymore? Being diagnosed with bpd, gave me relief in the sense that I had an understanding to my behaviour and over sensitivity, however it also made me question myself. I feel like I can’t trust the reality my own mind and my emotions create. Whenever I feel something intensely I can’t trust myself with it anymore so I dismiss it the best that I can. This has gotten me into trouble because I can’t tell whether or not I’m over reacting or validly reacting to some things. If my boyfriend pisses me off, I don’t know whether to trust myself if he actually did anything horrible. Sometimes I get this with my friends, if I ever have a problem with anyone I can’t tell if I’m the good guy or the bad guy, idk how to explain it really. I can’t take anything I feel as real. Even if I see a cute stranger and think oh he was checking me out maybe I should make small talk. I feel like everything is in my head, and I don’t trust myself. Since I was young I have had people keep telling me that I’m crazy, and using my emotional reactions against me as entertainment or discredit me, now I am doing the same to myself. If anyone feels remotely like this please let me know how you handle this. ",5.623095238095238,5.724124960317463,6.554857142857145,77.99014285714287,67.25396825396825,9.735873015873016,33.06984126984127,9.558583805096642,2.9597536507936515,998,41,196,19,15,333,131,252,0.071,0.732,0.197,0.9853,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,1,7,19,1,0,9,0,23,3,2,7,1,53,46,24,0,8,13,0,6,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,12,12,0,1,12,1,1,0,9,4,0,0,8,7,45,15,19,35,5,11,0,0,1,0,15,8,1,12,7,139,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.10616259264528297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699870563228164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157793615534016,0.2282038712567755,0.0,0.1790485289720284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083446052542192,0.06631690311402352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416758211215552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701622322419388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041877554283344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952021857800969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671197136785145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185425850445963,0.09840608424088157,0.0,0.0,0.09777274257557964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33004261192813866,0.23315713679873626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405028701814787,0.0,0.056837881066239576,0.0,0.0,0.09124724224765174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543687735544265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164913272930367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669686363717732,0.0,0.0,0.11957542829435652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124435543720143,0.0,0.2125956848805634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293899712492204,0.0726176538722075,0.0,0.1092934009191653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969221415967016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754207522515655,0.0,0.0,0.11941790259818184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409659805842317,0.0,0.0,0.12186883197109047,0.0,0.0,0.12382595746804573,0.069693164607555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866909290347747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999157287970601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375126200628286,0.10759532736600036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179595981622677,0.08744065990530185,0.2852597387756208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227472850844954,0.06970774402915113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325342210164162,0.0,0.09395896295994807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,funfettie,2018/04/02,"best “tips and tricks” for managing splitting? hi all! i have “significant bpd features” (i think my psych was just trying to avoid giving me the diagnosis for insurance related reasons) and my main struggle is with splitting. especially with my boyfriend, who is incredibly patient with me, but i don’t want to keep hurting people who love me. what tips have been the most helpful for you in managing splitting and intense anger? what have you told your loved ones about how to react to splitting to help you calm down and think more rationally? thank you for the help. this sub is so helpful to me, although it’s my first time posting, i love the community. reminds me i’m not alone in this! :)",4.62646306818182,6.921523890625004,4.896619318181821,80.68190340909092,71.8125,7.779545454545455,31.94886363636364,8.575989854853784,2.687709375,550,26,99,10,11,173,81,128,0.077,0.6,0.322,0.9921,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,0,2,4,11,2,2,4,0,9,3,0,3,1,20,20,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,18,6,17,17,5,6,0,1,0,3,17,3,0,1,2,72,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877863953954728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902776266383621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283583595598967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422540921089276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393269990619215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861232210016485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941001522244916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611600191215441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909282980429211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286291021727007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257001459802295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364848212048256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864207642928772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954853099519972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692936896319396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323570990432515,0.0,0.0,0.10572552359354276,0.0,0.0,0.17325308745838572,0.0,0.12310015532353424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694356551528178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,b4ttleborn,2018/04/03,"Only show symptoms toward one person/situation? I think I have BPD but I really only experience the symptoms towards one person or towards my situation with this person. Eg. Don’t really have intense mood swings in day to day life but am easily upset/sad/anxious/angry by my partner or when I think of something bad regarding my partner. Do people with BPD usually experience their symptoms in every aspect of their life? Just trying to figure out what my problem is.... Is is just my relationship possibly and not BPD-related...? /sigh",4.4178125,7.392771822916668,6.468583333333335,65.78475,75.5625,8.840000000000002,30.43333333333333,9.3871,3.8072033333333337,429,20,60,12,10,149,61,96,0.092,0.856,0.052000000000000005,-0.7071,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,0,15,10,6,0,1,7,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,11,0,13,10,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,4,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121450055278018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117607107515295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057451897699264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264675073441416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127759636685544,0.0,0.0,0.2618656033073105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890870520872038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814029667033656,0.2036007397876262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279602508005128,0.3506228394919569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089785871228567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807815138143158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714978559020293,0.0,0.0,0.1437068032406177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045509699226234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304569999114073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173699954544484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153373229762858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908766255733511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147418911557574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ennui-and-i,2018/04/03,"Are I being irrational or are my feelings valid? I'm having a really hard time with my FP/SO currently. It really feels like he's beginning to choose someone else over me... For example, he takes her out on errands suddenly instead of me and it makes me freak out. He keeps telling me I'm being irrational, but I really can't tell because it really feels otherwise. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this. Every time I bring it up, it turns into a giant fight and I don't want to push him away more than I already have by freaking out... It's all little things, but they have such a huge impact on me. He shared his last cigarette with her without inviting me. They took shots without inviting me. He took her to go grocery shopping instead of me. I have NO way to tell if I'm being irrational or if I am justified freaking out so much... It's breaking my fucking heart and it hurts even more because I might just be freaking out over nothing... I feel crazy and it makes everything 10x worse ",3.607046204620463,4.852036767326734,4.908534653465349,83.85643234323433,72.4158415841584,8.356963696369638,29.308250825082517,8.841846274778883,2.310438547854785,785,32,158,15,15,261,112,202,0.212,0.735,0.053,-0.9853,1,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,2,0,8,9,2,0,3,0,16,2,1,3,1,36,36,13,0,3,10,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,1,6,1,1,5,6,7,0,0,2,5,28,2,28,29,4,28,0,1,0,1,18,15,1,6,7,110,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276421690451586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300623255710903,0.0,0.0,0.16877489858076353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271830617018627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564297716607287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143366639750172,0.0,0.11663574180086325,0.0,0.12441462083794964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799834619324116,0.09889653634993764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797904351419287,0.0,0.0,0.07867464300014994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240087437458392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404372755521665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819534991404434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304557802844278,0.0,0.0,0.07607913607045302,0.1128413411580452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763135314976282,0.13874619646158098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481015535936754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685549724820998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176415602614752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283016145209836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35473480322772294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172938002260666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408435989964543,0.0,0.3629895337411323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196870934241756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144274782092236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30760823076358185,0.0,0.15057531160001816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165134818782968,0.10988164241927864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668888724713079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410750158453764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Trappedinmymind2000,2018/04/03,"Should I abandon my FP? It’s almost graduation for me, I am a senior in High school,and the presence of my FP has caused me a ton of severe emotional pain and causes me to neglect my other friendships, at much as it hurts right more, I am thinking that maybe that after graduation, I should just cut off all contact withy my fp and move on so I don’t feel this pain. The last time an Fp abandoned me, I felt very down for a month, then I got a lot better when I spent time away from everyone in my own room. I met my fp earlier in the year and became close friends pretty quickly (in her opinion). Though as we became close friends, my emotional pain and anxiety has were triggered. I honestly believe my attachment with my fp has been very toxic to me and it’s been affecting my daily life. I’m trying to seek treatment for this and have been on medication that has made my emotions numb! ",5.912681564245808,5.507257726256984,6.553011173184355,79.96258938547487,66.7094972067039,9.61810055865922,32.42513966480447,9.120678840339163,2.596818547486033,699,26,142,11,10,230,107,179,0.16,0.721,0.12,-0.8268,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,5,13,1,0,8,0,14,6,0,5,1,28,22,12,0,2,1,0,2,0,2,2,6,0,1,0,9,10,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,9,0,0,9,2,28,4,23,11,6,26,0,4,0,0,6,15,0,3,10,100,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347607413400389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029520415979608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12644075573702326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162367436665386,0.0,0.11902358204751347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764979988766153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541474673875894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285953459354363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06804683901575387,0.0,0.1292162858178341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20794974260585888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763457140215796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218937725097938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406886819505985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969928756659013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950566428963378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441366971336503,0.0,0.12734125435889848,0.0,0.0,0.13520200463296514,0.0,0.0,0.13557349266249488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741912601673186,0.1430354494144578,0.09893054532423716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42960244265385816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691452677610855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149291445479244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362004382239355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203518824932213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862323493634662,0.13222250988608494,0.0,0.1569473938983326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136984102715122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220824059123719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666402167800377 bpd,lindsicon,2018/04/03,"Recently diagnosed and family denies it. Forgive me for the length of this post. I'm currently a college student and for the last couple of months, I've made a realization the in order to be a more successful person (not just in school, but just life in general), I should be more insightful in my mental health and decided to book an appointment with a mental health nurse in my campus. She made the suggestion of having a psychiatric assessment done. I went a month ago and was diagnosed with BPD and unspecified anxiety. When I told my mother about this, she was furious saying that I went to be diagnosed to have a personality and compared me to a narcissist. I have a speech impediment that causes me to misinterpret things sometimes, so she's thinking it's just that being my problem. She then told my dad who told me that the diagnosis was silly and I just have depression. I've been recently coming to terms with the diagnosis and am working on starting DBT in September (I move home in the end of April). Will my family warm up about my diagnosis, or will they continue the denial of it? Tl;dr: Recently diagnosed and family's in denial",4.6970145379023895,6.905982574766357,6.415825545171341,70.2397403946002,71.38317757009347,10.923779854620976,30.11318795430945,10.864195022040775,4.091934371754933,917,39,155,33,18,315,113,214,0.084,0.88,0.036000000000000004,-0.9186,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,2,8,7,1,0,18,0,17,7,0,3,0,30,28,14,0,2,7,2,1,0,0,3,7,2,1,2,11,13,0,0,4,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,12,3,23,4,29,9,3,31,0,1,0,0,16,10,0,1,15,119,34,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985700574798834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506594107070874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400496186101738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423067533938505,0.0,0.0957869779865643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303814716980345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577442162349907,0.451453325402874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137938607146952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848816268446522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314481903888336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363959242286923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154036607348268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064097211475912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854222857062254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043591697707045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412226823848252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751389679653215,0.11818556409427836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941870963486708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649666489143947,0.0,0.0,0.10640118749182152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293829603764619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842887931605638,0.0,0.1125380154869264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997737499441138,0.0,0.0787063089548818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387481514652415,0.07125100032486076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187625213503655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616277583766784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095325465195591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Anderjesse,2018/04/03,BPD and random sex... a lot of random sex Hey guys and girls. Fellow borderliner here... I have struggled with certain sexual uh let’s say “issues” in the past.. I have a really high sex drive and all day I think about it... I use to partake in sex often but now abstain . Literally is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do... I have read a decent amount of literature on bpd but nowhere does it mention this animalistic sex drive I have and do experience. Am I an odd duck?,1.6146315789473675,3.9233246210526334,4.138157894736846,82.3146052631579,81.73684210526315,7.16842105263158,22.13157894736842,8.238735603445708,1.3996105263157896,369,12,75,8,10,129,65,95,0.094,0.889,0.017,-0.7776,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,6,0,11,5,0,1,3,18,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,8,1,9,11,4,10,0,0,0,5,6,4,0,5,4,51,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5646381305292137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445633204454743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616211473444325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027636805736316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21926946764724836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195159232711426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368351597079253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339626404056063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292166701428153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057105575126904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21398410776655344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242185898824777,0.0,0.14360130957005562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825938262920907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343385378839528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14892056805106668,0.14363135016364562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360048008826167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,kimmiekins42,2018/04/03,"Can your therapist be your FP? Just diagnosed with BPD. I've had FPs before, but I don't have anyone outside of my therapist these days. Can your therapist be a FP? Does anyone else see theirs as one, or am I weird? ",0.8465909090909136,3.1537122954545467,2.860181818181818,90.23027272727276,85.13636363636364,7.156363636363636,20.163636363636364,8.238735603445708,1.1538600000000003,167,5,36,4,5,56,34,44,0.064,0.936,0.0,-0.3798,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,4,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,7,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30192931398736417,0.22121851785051394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837178666705925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719227376953983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392398130428305,0.0,0.0,0.219137376815968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893849489305373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035956233958372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463017118002243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720470335685836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7520413633811625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tomhaffisaperson,2018/04/03,I have GCSEs in 6 weeks and I can't get myself to revise I don't know if I'm making excuses but whenever I sit and truly revise I just feel completely useless and then if i get anything wrong i feel worse and worse and end up crying just because I want to learn it. Maybe there's some better ways that you know or something to help I'm just really getting stressed about them coming up so soon yet I'm just struggling so much to be motivated to push on :(,4.330625000000001,4.521929145833333,5.645833333333336,83.08250000000002,70.04166666666666,8.483333333333333,27.458333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.7054083333333336,362,11,76,5,6,122,64,96,0.271,0.5870000000000001,0.142,-0.9525,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,2,11,5,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,23,17,12,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,2,11,1,10,16,2,13,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,4,5,48,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094273332956322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662927474856847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837188456576801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789395809231904,0.21779922390159412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22817983948054835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398566200851624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100673916810498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255884692906299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923593499776551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22832413836679766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386602873775586,0.0,0.2086910492397804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270423956824072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307610088507124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599194333441409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23795212431199694,0.21716277520081748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225235635181851,0.16488509612199753,0.1666271532488791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233858729435239,0.0,0.2271183421542313,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shoxymoron,2018/04/03,"Advice for boyfriend of borderline? Hi, my girlfriend has diagnosed herself with BPD and whilst i don't normally agree with self diagnoses i absolutely agree with her. We've had a really hard time together recently and after seperating and then getting back together i'd like to make sure we stay together this time. Therefore i'm wondering if anyone has advice for me on how i can handle her and cope with her. I don't understand the condition particularly well but she is very selfish (or stupidly generous), can be manipulative, lies frequently or fabricates the truth a lot, very narcissistic or completely hates herself and very passive/indifferent about her feelings towards me, or if she's particularly upset she loves me more than anything and needs me to survive. She's not particularly helpful when i ask her how to deal with. I feel like she thinks i should just ""deal with it"", but that's hard to when sometimes i feel like the victim of emotional abuse. I know it may seem like i'm just talking smack about her so don't take it the wrong way, i love her to bits and want this to work. I just need some help with managing her. Thanks Edit: i'd like to defend her 'cause she seems to be getting a bit of stick, maybe i worded my post badly. This is a recent revelation for her/us and she needs to learn to deal with it as much as i do. She's not a horrible nasty person, she just has some difficult traits like i'm sure most people with BPD do. She will find her own ways of dealing with things, i just wanted to know if you guys have any tips or tricks to make it easier for me to deal with or how i can help her",4.896238244514105,5.9730120877743005,5.712021943573671,79.93630877742949,69.18808777429467,9.561755485893418,28.920062695924763,9.800150414767053,2.604979937304075,1292,46,257,30,22,423,162,319,0.14400000000000002,0.68,0.17600000000000002,0.895,1,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,1,1,0,2,15,22,4,1,9,0,20,4,0,8,3,74,48,28,0,10,18,0,5,6,1,3,2,0,0,3,10,20,0,0,12,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,1,5,47,13,40,42,9,17,0,0,0,2,42,2,0,17,17,168,57,4,0.0,0.10398468264398596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152177574747102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968177993374876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061365858640030815,0.0,0.07222138689908443,0.0,0.08204646220132393,0.0,0.0,0.06748425102802856,0.07327835369595205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916287077293456,0.0,0.22106859465953466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015667131011004,0.0,0.0,0.0920177284482265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523984692104789,0.0,0.17815498748158834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872144731591803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312667412626575,0.12539566326292778,0.0,0.0,0.08021369851163544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170498350534492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08689906675663743,0.0,0.0,0.15723663584525288,0.08664769184052047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764768610375961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646438672299376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572591123588676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461287716830373,0.15841888327934472,0.0,0.11716483136988667,0.0,0.08816962684494223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451582791604453,0.195225229748497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598900588927619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084374286516761,0.07663117707286958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405259606243462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622315954497602,0.0,0.1733105473089615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979209179010745,0.0915558426468148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679974988733387,0.0,0.0,0.09354357169135652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654309848459094,0.0,0.06598677682063005,0.07054049274784746,0.0,0.08080028485757466,0.0,0.0,0.05830576950956658,0.05623492111658907,0.0,0.0,0.10235050280406972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136427159952576,0.10556795993670214,0.0,0.0,0.21724074555637066,0.10352966180833914,0.1393242062879788,0.0,0.0,0.07890938490582562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951751188087894,0.0638924347549893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595495135190188,0.0,0.0 bpd,daddyrotom,2018/04/03,"Hate Does anybody get that feeling where everybody hates you just because one person hates you? Like, recently, there was someone blocking my way and I said, ""Are you gonna move?"" and he's like ""No."" in that offensive tone and I just pushed him andwhen I went to my desk, I literally broke down (ish), thinking like the whole class hates me and doesn't like because I just started recalling all the bad things some people in that certain class did to me and then I start thinking about my future, how it's gonna suck because nobody actually likes me. And there is no way I can snap out of it unless I have something to do. It's tiring, honestly. It even applies the other way around - like I'd get way too confident if some things go my way, but I rarely get that. ",3.0305399898115115,4.937714264900666,3.7876821192053,88.59505348955679,75.22516556291393,6.765359144167093,26.184921039225674,7.61054688173877,1.339939989811513,598,22,122,8,13,190,92,151,0.131,0.754,0.115,-0.5439,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,0,12,16,6,0,3,0,8,1,0,1,2,23,26,11,0,1,6,0,1,6,0,2,1,1,0,1,11,8,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,8,0,1,4,2,20,8,11,20,4,20,0,1,0,0,7,6,1,3,11,78,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.1212041730591641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056696749629684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370428414502578,0.22713891592596855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869084781544523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203488409435902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280074876388841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946727618857219,0.0,0.07058740477083965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904988391209638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640757569098455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200809108748746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841631405046295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610669427313815,0.10844923446979196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263543964178415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814545772826325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052367654677707,0.09561750708227387,0.0,0.0,0.17582298957236125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502985625476707,0.15916848412138976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275303222319466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929326447861672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513738881813936,0.0,0.13866816997336034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lostminddd,2018/04/03,"Diagnosed with OCD. But I fear that it is BPD. So basically for 7 months now I am suffering from hopefully Suicide-OCD, I was diagnosed with OCD 2 times, and 1 time the doctor said it might be adjustment disorder but it does not describe my symptoms well. So basically, it all started after reading about Chester Bennington's suicide, about 7 months ago, then I started having intrusive thoughts about it, then I googled it, started reading about depression, then I had a major panic attack, to the point of vomitting.(Yes, I know this is a typical trigger for OCD and this is how it usually starts, I had OCD episode 5 years ago, but can't remember exactly if it was the same.) Anyway, here is what happens. **My symptoms are:** - Knot in the stomach when it is bad, always. - Butterflies like in the stomach when I am good. - Obsessive thinking.(Don't know if it is obsesssive though, It is like I get intrusive thought or feeling, then I the knot in the stomach appear and I start thinking about possible diagnoses etc. And the thought keeps feeling real. I am irritable in those moments. (I know it sounds like OCD, so far, but **don't jump to conclusions yet.**) 'Life is meaningless' feeling. It is not like the depression feeling. More like the existential way, but still doesn't feel existential. It feels kind of synthetic. It is based on few things: - Thoughts like 'What is the point of working when I will die one day?' Etc. - Dark high contrast, low brightness pics of my future, not consious, like stuck in the back of my head, can't see them clearly, they are random, for example at the moment it is like me standing at the bus stop in my university, the image is drone like. And other weird stuff. - It is usually triggered when I imagine doing something nice or just living a normal life, like a lost feeling? I don't know how to describe it. - It is like in the end of life nothing happens.(I know it is irrational it is ****ing weird and always accompanied with anxiety. - Like a flat life feeling. Again, not emptiness like depression. - It is strongly connected to working. Other symptoms include: **Other symptoms:* - Irritability when it is bad. - Sudden feeling of trapped in life, like I want to escape, but there is no escape. - Sudden feeling like everything I see is too much. Looking at my room for example. Like overload? - Feeling like if I work in the future I will do it.(For example my mother told me that I can start working at a store and instant images of me working then at the end of working I do it, it is like if i work for a week I will do it. It is terrifying. It comea with a knot in the stomach and mood drop. - Feeling like if this condition is gone and I continue to live a normal life I will do it. It almost feel like I want these things to be there, but at the same time I am terrified of them, but at the same time I am terrified of them leaving. - Feeling like a dark cloud is setting over my future and I can't see my usual future because of those pictures and feelings, again ALWAYS accompanied with anxiety.(Again, not quite like the depression thing.) - In the morning, before I fully woke up I am in this weird half-awake condition when those feelings and thoughts like attack me? But at the same time it feels super real, like me. Then I can't go back to sleep, I stanf up, make coffee and those things usually last about hours, then I get almost to my normal self. However, when it is bad, it is bad all day and I have multiple times through the day when I feel normal for a couple of mins, then it hits again. - Doubt if I want it or not and extreme confusion over it. It is more like 'I want it but I am pretending not to.', 'I don't want to admit it', 'Don't fully realise it.' And when this is there it feel legit, like I really want it BECAUSE of those feelings, which is horrific. It feels 100% like me. - I am avoiding asking myself if I want to do it or if I want to die because: - When I do it it feels like I do which is making everything worse. - Or I say no, but with extreme anxiety and then yes appears and feels 100% like me which is scary. **- The reason why I am worried is that because it gets worse after an arguing, when something bad happened etc. Hits hard, feels real and my anxiety goes up all the way. ** It seems to have a cycle: **When I am feeling okay:** Bad in the morning. Then I feel fine, then in the afternoon it hits and my mood drops, then usually at midnight I feel okay. **When it is bad:** The whole day is bad and I have minutes when I feel okay, then it hits again. The most scary thing in this condition are **the urges**. They almost everytime come without any reason or  after days of worrying, it induces a panic attack in which everything hits at once. Urges: When I am close to dangerous objects.(Power sockets, high buildings, medications, etc. You get it.(I know it sounds like OCD, but still, wait, **don't jump to conclusions yet**.) Urges are caused by thoughts like: 'Cmon, it will be so easy.'(This one is terrifying.) 'Life is meaningless anyway' 'I want to do it.' 'Why don't just give up.'(And it feels super real like I am about to give up.) Etc. Etc. Etc.  I am terrified. **Background description of the urges:** So, they happen when I am feeling relatively okay, then I can tell it is probably OCD. HOWEVER, when it is bad or hits bad out of nowhere here is how it feels like: Like a flat life feeling, with the things, I mentioned before. And the scariest thing is that it feels like 1000% like me and like a decision.  It is terrifying. I can only tell that it was not me when I am fine, but then, it hits again.  **The scary thing is that it feels like I have anxiety because I want it and resist it or because I know it is not right** **The second scary thing is that I can't tell if intrusive suicidal thoughts trigger feelings(good.) Or the feelings trigger real suicidal thoughts.**(**bad.**) Here is how it happens and what it looks like: **03.03.2018:** I am watching a TV show, feeling relatively fine, when I decide to see if the feeling is in background. I suddenly get a thought like 'I can't continue living.' With a very ****ing real feeling like I really don't and all of those feelings hit. It feels horrific. I am immediately not sleepy, In highly self aware state, with like racing thoughts(not exactly.) I feel the knot in the stomach, it feels real, I immediately turn off the show on my phone and message a person who has the same thing as me at the moment. I stand up and go to the kitchen to smoke a ciggarete. **IT STILL FEELS SUPER REAL AND 100% LIKE ME** I light my ciggarete and my vision crosses arround the power socket on the wall as soon as I see it thought like 'I want to do it' appear or 'It is pointless' I can't remember the thought exactly it felt super fast. After this a feeling like I want to give up appears like I am about to do it. An urge to look back at the power socket appears. I open reddit and start to write this topic. As I am writing I calm down and it feels less real and turns into 'background' again. As I am writing I have mini hits lasting a few seconds which makes it real again. As I wrote this sentence the same thing happened. **Panic attacks:** Basically the same thing, but in more intense way. More intense urges.  Etc. Etc. I am even not sure if it is a panic attack or something worse. **After a panic attack I calm down, but the next few days it is so ****ing bad.**  So I have researched a lot about this topic and they are several diagnosis I want to mention and to say few things about them: I am extremely scared that it is **suicidal depression.** However I looked at the symptoms here is what I get: - Hopelessness (I am not sure about this, I can't tell if the meaningless thing is hopelessness. And as soon as I mentioned hopelessness I felt like I am feeling hopeless which gives me knot in the stomach.) - Worthlessness - I don't have it. - Guilt - I sometimes have it over the thoughts. - Sadness - I don't have it. - Emptiness - I don't have it. - Depressed mood - Can't tell. - Lost in interest in usual activites. (I can't tell if I get this, I tend to only research or reread articles about this topic when I am feeling bad, and I am not able to do nothing else. I tend to have moments when I don't want to go out because of this knot in the stomach and the other stuff, I 'preffer' to be at home and reading stuff.) - Tiredness - After a long day when it is bad, yes. - Oversleeping - I usually sleep about 8 to 9 hours. - Low self esteem - I don't have it. - Feeling burden - I don't have it. - Lost of apetite - When the knot in the stomach is there, yes, like my stomach is sick. - Suicidal thoughts (As you probably read already, I get this, however, in depression, it is associated with relief, fantasies, and CONSIOUS THINKING.(As I am typing this I feel like it is giving me relief and like I feel consious about it, which makes the condition worse - the knot in the stomach gets worse.  **Told my psychiatrist and psychologist about it, they said it is not depression** However I am not sure. My next fear is **Bipolar Affective Disorder Type 2**: Bipolar is known to cause depression and hypomania. I looked at the symptoms of mania and hypomania. I asked most of my friends and family if they seen any of the symptoms(I showed them a list of the symtpoms.) In me and they dismissed it. I also analysed my mood and actions while I am fine.  I tend to do the things I usually do, for the same time.  I don't sleep less.  I don't talk faster.  I am not easily distracted. I don't do reckless stuff.  And most importantly my mood does not change completely from the bad mood. Also it tends to change during the day.  **The thing which is worrying me is that I am more irritable than usual.** Anxiety symptoms which I have: - Irritability. - Sweating and BAD sweat smell, worse than usual.(My hands sweat when I am bad, however they were always sweating since I am young so I don't know if it fits there. - Knot in the stomach. - Derealisation.(Sometimes.) - Restlessness. - Faster highrate. - Headaches sometimes. - Unsettledness I am sure that I missed something. Feel free to ask questions if you have. Thanks in advance and have a good night. 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But I've recently been put in the same category as someone with BPD from a psych and I found this sub a few days ago and while it's been amazing seeing that I'm not totally alone it's also been really hard. I feel like I'm reading my life through other people and it all makes sense yet nothing makes sense. I feel like I'm never going to be normal again. Can anyone give advice to a gal about how they coped when they were diagnosed?",4.610982142857143,4.8719202767857155,5.7160714285714285,82.57892857142858,69.44642857142857,9.257142857142858,27.607142857142854,9.23628265651192,2.060110714285716,429,13,90,8,7,143,79,112,0.041,0.833,0.126,0.8354,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,5,0,8,3,0,4,3,20,22,10,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,6,4,9,3,8,13,4,16,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,13,54,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577248141431704,0.1430773506776778,0.0,0.0,0.16716872173073513,0.0,0.12907692464804973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128593568548994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983920604787087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328615916909948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923191302241689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409400492505964,0.0,0.0,0.3276489199899937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322421136760165,0.2306180378125719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697417715678265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483606812549042,0.09173117918962698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445887500704443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400636529504615,0.15771037625441814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619454117043395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232207893965397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448684082084445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814435121299225,0.15487413577366085,0.0,0.0,0.17189292764571154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118991217687986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545830555266269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225837086336686,0.0,0.0,0.1614504351974937,0.0,0.1034013011016056,0.0,0.3187393990556927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862028731768818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675942077486286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424453282054226,0.0,0.0,0.13494327553022678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chantrykomori,2018/04/03,"dealing with the overwhelming and sudden need for attention? lately i've been cycling between absolutely blinding self-hate and a sudden, overwhelming need for attention from my boyfriend. he knows i have bpd and is very understanding, but i'm trying to not make things worse for him. what are some ways i can handle the impulse to do attention-seeking shit at inappropriate times?",9.085454545454548,10.201686787878794,8.187424242424246,65.75113636363639,59.90909090909091,11.44848484848485,39.22727272727273,11.20814326018867,4.8483454545454565,312,15,47,8,4,97,52,66,0.08,0.8690000000000001,0.051,-0.4458,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,6,2,1,1,0,14,12,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,9,11,1,6,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,1,4,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34044741963015485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786789172375043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485559339472291,0.0,0.30492274117921964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804347857401995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40086457217462496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28199347292343435,0.0,0.27747050194908274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179582711055393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576206002085408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835235211740784,0.0,0.0,0.2814034310061204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22303500074897856,0.0,0.21456040192326808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754701461925426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,1life2blived,2018/04/03,"Does anyone else have a hard time wrapping your mind around tentative plans? I understand that sometimes things come up, but there have been several times recently that several people have agreed to do something with me (I thought) then it didn’t happen. Sure, maybe the conversation was a little vague for some, but recently I’ve tried to be very clear and still nothing happens. ",8.596940298507462,9.46255402985075,6.9693656716417935,74.92927238805972,60.94029850746269,10.87910447761194,36.15298507462686,10.686352973137794,3.97470447761194,308,13,51,7,4,91,57,67,0.034,0.828,0.13699999999999998,0.8434,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,2,12,13,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,4,1,6,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,6,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283881074514694,0.18813560342958424,0.0,0.1634565717057674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816834770055882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068301195201912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338704654907112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32474085843985995,0.0,0.16448326924443205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403079734445585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446627776735885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18539913965380755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17618386050814208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729574994697393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362595972149584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148661159595571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135605105787033,0.18160025561878285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663543909130874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305527478062474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198586586632795,0.0,0.0,0.1457700613600604,0.21413515011340228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466275570565298,0.0,0.0,0.19115003324818228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150187634971785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pseudonymbous,2018/04/03,"If you are BPD, I recommend seeing a psychologist, paying the hefty one time fee, and getting subscribed a mood stabilizing pill. I was recently prescribed one that was not over 10 dollars. I repeat, you can get prescribed a mood stabilizing pill that is less than $10 and works like the bomb.com. It has utterly changed my life and been a blessing to say the least. ",7.295294117647058,7.707539705882354,7.351764705882353,72.63294117647061,63.70588235294118,10.917647058823533,37.588235294117645,10.686352973137794,4.129017647058824,292,14,52,7,4,94,50,68,0.0,0.8740000000000001,0.126,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,0,7,0,7,3,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,6,2,3,7,2,4,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,35,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089727963537215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435101356308222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33930503427240416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22935895983973215,0.1586415274271441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400766239217408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206212953029369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582299502933896,0.0,0.0,0.2587593704713461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934653022269285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363996364824105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MonkeyMazes,2018/04/03,"Looking to chat with those over 35. I know Reddit seems to be geared toward those that are in their 20's, but I'd love to chat with those in their upper 30's, 40's or even 50's. Edit: Wow! I didn't expect that lovely response. I went to sleep and just woke up to so many kind responses. I'm not looking to talk about anything in particular. Just life and normal chit-chat. I've also taken DBT and am looking to keep moving forward in this process. Thank you to all who responded. Please feel free to PM me anytime.",0.7678660436137044,3.0266034112149502,2.33422897196262,94.20888239875393,84.98130841121495,4.68816199376947,19.19704049844237,5.985473137389443,-0.1670305295950154,403,11,87,3,12,131,76,107,0.035,0.7390000000000001,0.226,0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,17,18,7,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,4,4,7,7,19,13,1,11,0,0,3,2,10,9,0,2,1,49,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674986842427885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236114491853632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834106690746334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590522169313693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861705563539057,0.0,0.2181120208185429,0.11510933847526568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479421378708178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276607703709145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780772049821988,0.0,0.0,0.2123514475235768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261432271245676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521848363549355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299153925895524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190677229228202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960325811796005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834957919218296,0.0,0.19283525567371784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941640972116168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_finnyjake,2018/04/04,"how can i make things right? I am currently self-diagnosed, waiting to pluck up the courage to see a doctor, but i think this may be the thing which pushes me to the doctors room. My girlfriend of one year 6 months just left me. I realised that i very probably have bpd, and i tried to get better by myself, but i was too late and she is gone. I know i have hurt her deeply and will have ever lasting effects on her life now. I dont think i can live with myself knowing what i have done now that i am aware. How can i make her be able to live with herself. she said i took her away from herself. we are only 20. She is too young to be broken. I just want her to grow and not be afraid to love someone ever again and to be able to love herself despite the words i have said. I never believed i could be loved, that she could love me, and that turned me into a monster. I finally realised that she did love me, and that everything was real and always had been just from one late night facetime call and i was ready to accept her love and give back but i was too late. im not sure if this post makes sense. thanks to anyone who helps",2.477497665732958,3.553896563025212,3.3994397759103663,94.24049486461253,74.96638655462183,6.12922502334267,22.465919701213817,6.139981653823899,0.16579757236227755,874,22,202,5,18,279,128,238,0.043,0.7440000000000001,0.213,0.9937,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,2,15,13,0,1,6,0,32,9,0,6,4,45,56,16,0,4,9,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,0,13,14,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,2,0,2,12,3,45,11,22,34,0,29,0,1,1,6,28,7,0,2,17,151,58,2,0.1939103799229047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067448496625848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779332314149943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109259253847117,0.07455255639364274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923529765191993,0.0,0.08574898654096491,0.0,0.0,0.12211166767912318,0.0,0.09900208919074073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482165973721904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840747692015868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984754905374292,0.0,0.09921882145352633,0.1136307605502461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754030402190285,0.0,0.0,0.08713707303061509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620967147052608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050655085076966505,0.0930082528636606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498702010347054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379253612866976,0.0,0.10472824275249812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656807361108894,0.07903142025540719,0.32810903204201697,0.0,0.1053420975801751,0.0,0.06848231797538698,0.0,0.0,0.1712264180747725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250350659413525,0.0,0.1941550265059738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738870762076333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477781959613873,0.0,0.0,0.09098587785413156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131398691875837,0.0737387909338707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285627109314888,0.0,0.1045340932340332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035623236852797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279920247292258,0.18445317633687705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726073356851675,0.0,0.1011454082710228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214981782285499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091379119121127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926331257591953,0.0,0.0,0.12882544010546407,0.12424994169662736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772078349126232,0.0658262096780087,0.10545940529439976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999818568711492,0.057186683061617165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243596353440688 bpd,wuwu44,2018/04/04,"Confusing diagnosis... Late 2016 I got diagnosed by a psychiatrist with Bipolar. It never really sat well with me, which is could likely just not wanting to face the issue, but recently I have been wondering about BPD and remembered upon meeting the psychiatrist that he exclaimed, “Well you clearly don’t have BPD”. It seemed to be in reference to my physical appearance and I was wondering if anyone had any ideas about why he made this statement? I could very well be overthinking it but it just stuck with me... ",6.182841614906836,8.215585141304349,6.722670807453415,70.27326086956522,67.15217391304348,11.344099378881989,33.79503105590062,11.20814326018867,4.564224844720497,411,19,67,14,7,134,67,92,0.085,0.8490000000000001,0.066,0.0542,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,0,11,3,1,1,2,26,20,5,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,1,3,0,7,0,8,4,11,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,6,4,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628102902291225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956220470399005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4307191189705711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27304781822653484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355418431654945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675863489759474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303015986050034,0.0,0.1784721521606792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288742822236973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353848903249114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617976072687849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188025840259512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095424240709058,0.0,0.16883485046844446,0.0,0.1937016116761355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566550531588874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108704234939046,0.10085603699178752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.461229431491494,0.0,0.1542944872833562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708689909968914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Alittlelostsoul,2018/04/04,"How to accept love I’ve fallen in love with an incredible man but I’m hitting the point where I want to end it to save him. Save him from potentially a lifetime of my drama and chaos because he deserves better How do you allow someone to love you and feel okay with it. I want my life with this man but when I hate myself as much as I do it’s difficult to accept love. I push everyone away and don’t want to jeopardise the best thing in my life. Did anyone else struggle like this and how did you deal with it?",2.8516666666666666,3.893657685185186,4.3157407407407415,88.16583333333334,74.0,7.251851851851853,23.685185185185183,7.6454224807358475,0.9043296296296296,402,11,89,5,8,134,64,108,0.122,0.522,0.35600000000000004,0.9867,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,2,6,15,1,1,4,1,5,6,0,4,0,22,16,12,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,1,14,12,17,13,2,9,0,0,0,4,13,5,0,0,3,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468245805834655,0.1827054697629036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675334357765307,0.0,0.0,0.10869957348492842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713128778132895,0.15770571381527226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383561939179088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489598559997259,0.0,0.15793475108641106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703882581518519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016175731938972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760498010323743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251899253290261,0.08711602617933012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6437473933508081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108253003396236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685659388498495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108628314060232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864142481112892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846500354667745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155255952320176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vze33jng,2018/04/04,"When SO says you are BPD, but pdoc says no? I have a dilemma. I am not asking for a diagnosis. I am posting here as some other BPD subs specifically prohibit posts from pwBPD. My SO insists that I have BPD. She cites several of the diagnostic criteria which I simply do not identify with. I will not list them in this post so as to be clear I am not requesting a Dx. My pdoc (I have a diagnosis of mild ADHD for about 12mos) insists he sees no traits of BPD. Says he can't ""just tell"" but that in the year we've seen each other, he has never had any reason to think I have BPD, and I have asked him multiple times about it based on the suggestions from my SO. I described my SOs point of view and reasoning, and he reiterated that he sees none of those traits. He thinks that if I exhibit behavior that seems to my SO to fit the DC for BPD, then it is because I have adopted defensive (or offensive) personality traits. Not a disorder. Choices. My position is that I care deeply about each offense and the harm I cause. I make efforts to change, and the change is acknowledged by my SO. Each of the DC for BPD my SO refers to, I can honestly say I recognize that about myself and even have a vague-to-good idea where it stems from. Most importantly (I think) is that I work to change these behaviors. My SO has known me during the most stressful time in my adult life. Within 8 months, I changed jobs, ended a ten year marriage, came to terms with my ex's six years of cheating, was temporarily homeless as a result of the divorce, fought my ex regarding custody of our child, and bought a house. I entered the relationship with my SO not fully understanding about her BP1 diagnosis, and have been her primary support and her target of opportunity. I am considerably stressed in this relationship, as things change from day to day between us, and sometimes minute to minute. **Is it possible to walk my SO through the differences between my own (admittedly bad) choices or behaviors and the DC for BPD without it seeming like I am marginalizing her or in denial?** I may be off-base, but I wonder if it makes her feel better about her Bipolar if I also have a mood disorder. Ultimately, I know we have to discuss this, but I worry she will see my position as a symptom, and not honesty. If any of this post is offensive or against the rules, I apologize in advance. I truly hope I didn't trigger anybody. If anyone has any thoughts about how I may be a pwBPD, please DM me as the sub rules are clear about diagnosis requests. Thank you!",4.567502173283104,5.761203269776878,5.628783541002608,79.79520081135904,70.05476673427992,9.285401332946973,30.71857432628224,9.606745405546679,2.7902937003767025,1984,82,394,45,35,657,238,493,0.08800000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.119,0.9449,1,0,0,0,1,0,67.0,3,2,1,5,25,19,6,2,26,0,40,4,0,8,3,76,66,45,0,6,22,2,1,1,0,4,4,4,0,3,24,20,0,1,18,0,1,4,14,10,0,2,9,10,67,8,63,50,9,32,0,0,5,0,44,11,0,18,14,283,91,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778791854321142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182198584955566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220236345046488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045310933847174814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116189371703215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410680646096625,0.039502583283102015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731193687777096,0.0,0.0,0.6529249123402175,0.0,0.0,0.0741160098220772,0.06606976641025314,0.06656931166850903,0.3427586247704009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358361597099799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677041014457427,0.14853698202416016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739517146267342,0.0,0.0,0.042800985835204614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032765743353665104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05435268561989033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436282121810358,0.0,0.07477259088655087,0.0,0.07315335833428993,0.0,0.0,0.06430579958126233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0356133813025684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04577143641428106,0.03165889220272821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651142575153678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172418829806907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04997915251749191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658244294026533,0.0,0.07113293023902541,0.061258658379498836,0.07305430666839359,0.24824889306666556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325411145327182,0.0,0.1391457899252461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613200824377506,0.0,0.0,0.15491596334938856,0.11798627218555947,0.0,0.07320760274772126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409064930007682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846051399551216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353632861285891,0.0,0.06735389510563203,0.0,0.0,0.05663964016798315,0.059660802328058274,0.0,0.0,0.04305144462581037,0.12456715413508546,0.0,0.05144540049927122,0.07557291569868196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746097191803824,0.07794860130829759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246663455754355,0.07027480113231728,0.047176491108848265,0.06580938590165661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251907274476274 bpd,zaynahjpg,2018/04/04,"Anyone else terrified of getting into a relationship? I am absolutely terrified, I've never had an actual relationship, but I don't think anyone could deal with my crazy. I'm a bit of an anomoly I think where I don't make frantic efforts to stop people leaving, that's a part of BPD that doesn't seem so intense with me, but the rest of me is so crazy, I feel like anyone I was with wouldn't be able to handle it and get tired eventually. I'd like to imagine there's someone who would understand but I don't think it's realistic.",4.633971166448231,5.117232816513763,6.288361730013107,77.71256880733947,69.45871559633028,9.531323722149413,30.250327653997374,9.606745405546679,2.65010249017038,423,16,86,9,7,146,67,109,0.165,0.72,0.115,-0.6529,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,6,0,12,1,0,1,1,21,22,6,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,10,2,11,16,3,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,55,15,0,0.17496246399978713,0.0,0.1707381262249368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36701346872569773,0.17926972047519854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910136958068827,0.0,0.2203590985563216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13969329067856076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803786178077671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615868797880205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846627883212647,0.12499321924060125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282133226098726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852599867902968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095564442974884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678880332565647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494183833040488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946729854411934,0.0,0.1212969427087521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37568841692298666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592792560948159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824512797236372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462764542043555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33632664676921703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109361434955506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214209540647747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428831450711947,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pandajungle,2018/04/04,"Fast, intense relationships and how to break the cycle? I'm hoping someone can relate here because I'm having trouble coping right now and need to vent. Long story short, I had one FP for an entire year but then met someone last month that quickly became my new FP since we got along so well and things were going super great. Now the one part of my brain knows that this relationship could not have been sustained at the pace it was going: we were texting constantly for two weeks and spent most of our free time together and we literally just met three weeks ago. I feel like the first few times we hung out, before he officially became my ""FP"", I acted totally chill and wasn't annoying or rushing anything. Then it's like a switch flipped: I became this crazy person that got super paranoid about if they were seeing someone else, so worried about them abandoning me, and making sure they DO like me (almost clingy) that I started to become overbearing. He was reciprocating the feelings most of the time, but then today he told me he wasn't feeling it right now and that it's ""not on me"", we can still hangout, but we need to ""take a step back and chill."" So I know that this part of me that feels absolutely heart broken is just because I allow myself to get these intense feelings and emotions so quickly, but has anyone found a way to prevent this cycle before it even starts? It has literally happened in every single relationship of mine and it just pushes people away",9.1380521978022,7.541874525000001,8.529285714285718,72.27417582417584,60.89285714285714,10.615384615384617,35.467032967032964,9.057496981413335,3.0477664835164835,1177,39,210,14,13,373,163,280,0.068,0.7759999999999999,0.156,0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,7,0,3,3,21,13,1,0,10,0,18,2,2,3,2,52,46,25,0,5,11,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,20,19,0,2,8,1,2,6,4,3,1,5,16,6,27,11,21,29,7,43,0,1,1,0,21,8,0,6,30,148,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492028813161334,0.0,0.10722552394191072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487308522471094,0.0,0.08811802158691763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100605533530746,0.08233819570889707,0.0,0.13055040069258486,0.11826185701659782,0.1822350179499964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953710776682493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571584017417527,0.0,0.08549496312447337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945190981163471,0.12045100487797608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707255752209736,0.0,0.09021983100107207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27071526519894684,0.0764982385186555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108250896651636,0.0,0.11740809994043175,0.0,0.0,0.05594507432710594,0.0,0.12171248514305195,0.0,0.17128390951394065,0.11805648717878235,0.0,0.0,0.09469081853669442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689075534055566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063549697434977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769714313992626,0.08728479428368338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694218146174468,0.0,0.0,0.09476275881206073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147697921050393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547053061590766,0.0,0.0,0.15879747673937378,0.0,0.10341888968077076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512086145564154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23191521401835105,0.0,0.07423604665351106,0.09349844977324344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.344892734594862,0.0,0.1828921037062504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853291920345195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857798952253261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721865528648161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158407562657328,0.0,0.08551452269203785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092198252967703,0.0,0.08051111276021629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711394405020899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731827654022576,0.0,0.10149967123577984,0.10231988342677398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460196319073788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499541440833172,0.17178682943654644,0.0,0.09627811346599996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087453146699569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895624822877204 bpd,elation_success,2018/04/04,"would love to hear from those who work/ed in advertising while dealing with the traits characteristic of bpd for those of you in the industry, how do you cope with the lack of structure and unpredictability? for those of you who left, how did you do it, and what industry did you move into?",12.101999999999995,7.818669109090912,10.796818181818182,66.63522727272729,57.90909090909091,14.636363636363635,40.22727272727273,12.161744961471696,4.338454545454546,231,7,47,5,2,73,35,55,0.039,0.883,0.077,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,2,0,9,7,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,13,4,1,6,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,1,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431127349362373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627173245146905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965336546601211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822601545769549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175368475271908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3739355312460188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561336362554865,0.0,0.0,0.24992721118701,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,counting_sheeps,2018/04/04,"So sad. Well I did it, I blew another friendship with my crazy. I had a close friend, and I pushed him away because I still don’t know how to show an appropriate amount of affection. This happens every time I actually get attached to a person :(",3.311875000000001,5.130496437500003,4.823333333333334,81.855,74.20833333333334,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.316816666666667,191,8,38,4,4,64,41,48,0.162,0.616,0.222,0.4914,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,8,2,5,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.3343517046808317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592712505337802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219066273790775,0.0,0.0,0.20886047573662495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28867558772390817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26471053544564666,0.0,0.17900695481731865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029813666223048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882972490213344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991661549359877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736200547389649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978687232313946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080602200353977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Minimane22,2018/04/04,Shes gone I don’t want to go on anymore. I don’t want it to hurt anymore. She was all I had. ,-4.888750000000002,-3.8274457083333333,-0.4666666666666668,109.095,110.25,2.4000000000000004,14.333333333333336,3.1291,-1.7884666666666669,69,2,22,0,4,26,16,24,0.162,0.7140000000000001,0.124,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,3,6,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7609193324975906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21802679594088573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41068578239415615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4525519570419207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,prettyfairmiss17,2018/04/04,"Will my life insurance app be denied? Hi everyone, I was recently diagnosed. My job just started offering life insurance. One of the questions is “have you received treatment for an emotional/mental disorder within the past 7 years?” I feel like I need to be honest and state that I’ve been seeing therapists for a few years and the diagnosis is BPD. Do you think my application could be rejected as a result of this? Or maybe they’d underwrite my policy at a lower amount? TIA! Update: I didn’t have to fill out the form. Not until I make over a certain amount. So that’s been averted for now. ..",2.738421052631576,5.326236438596492,4.572894736842105,79.19776315789474,79.35087719298245,8.712280701754386,26.16666666666667,9.2995712137729,2.8132245614035094,470,19,85,14,12,159,84,114,0.119,0.779,0.102,0.3656,2,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,9,0,15,3,0,2,1,15,21,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,4,2,12,3,13,11,4,15,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,2,9,61,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843105489199144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802343375583364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22912047892518825,0.0,0.0,0.25871661562327675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570342549445254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141404936780294,0.16126808925241484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240112678458331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31889246596898496,0.110284743010865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068263120857991,0.0,0.2267853110927477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167382714607333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296668584014775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549355542894652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528795035988951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228901708761845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988487085886945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597793276732084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26210054449717496,0.0,0.1446445282356705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907372145871662 bpd,lightweightdtd,2018/04/04,"MY BF IS MY FP AND FOR ONCE I'M scared as heck of losing him advice pls so my current boyfriend is my fp and for once i don't want to break his heart. normally all i want to do is hurt people and watch them get crushed as i dump them but for some reason i want to protect him. we've had two fights which were my fault and are resolved but i don't want to fight him. i am trying to do dbt skills and stuff but i can't seek professional help due to my paranoia & agoraphobia tendencies and distrust of professionals and just need some basic advice. i really want to be with him forever instead of it being short lived, he's all i want, and my brain is being a dick about it. is there hope for a long-term stable relationship?? my longest was nine months a few years ago. i don't expect anyone to diagnose me or fix the problem, just wondering if anyone has any experience with this stuff, thanks ",2.7753985507246344,4.347922119565219,4.072260869565221,87.71476811594204,75.08695652173913,7.297971014492754,23.13623188405797,8.021203637495839,1.0412584057971015,706,20,152,11,15,232,113,184,0.208,0.693,0.099,-0.942,1,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,2,3,6,12,4,1,4,0,20,4,3,1,2,35,32,16,0,12,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,3,1,26,3,20,26,5,7,0,2,1,1,13,1,2,6,5,101,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714776277958961,0.12313312893822614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505062321336682,0.0,0.0944618720768446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425472548490094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506672380878406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098820155849018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587820182530752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725734422658573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460607153607867,0.0931067778159532,0.0,0.0,0.13796650284593542,0.0,0.0,0.1487033654551314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265787874660512,0.1229287777041767,0.0,0.15540197570892814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087465149868256,0.0,0.0,0.1029981606845863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360998697315098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29586393546034184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630097932042153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291572992421805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898770965928117,0.14282005821925745,0.0,0.14913468411109407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907065297036356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31803173775472704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788737501564995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430908309380076,0.0,0.13569245599947793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915875002766879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063927228367496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945188401110472 bpd,piditbeeny,2018/04/04,"Please tell me I'm not the only one. Hello fellow bpd sufferers I have a question and I hope I'm not alone. In not going to go into detail about my entire life, however like most of us I have a disturbing, traumatic past and I've carried a lot of anger with me because of it. I have this book I write in with a list of names and how I would torture and eventually kill each person. I've been hospitalized a couple times because of it. The only reason I have the book is because I was told in dbt to write it down to (I guess) get the urge out of me. Does anyone else struggle with this? The homicidal feelings bounce back and forth between anger and curiosity. This isn't a joke, I'm not mocking anyone, I just need to know I'm not the only one.",2.1419230769230744,3.6699565256410303,4.142564102564105,86.73576923076925,76.69230769230771,6.851282051282053,23.538461538461537,7.61054688173877,1.0210153846153842,582,18,124,8,13,199,87,156,0.188,0.7390000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9678,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,4,11,5,2,12,0,9,1,0,2,0,32,22,7,1,3,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,6,12,0,0,4,3,0,2,6,8,0,2,3,1,15,3,21,18,3,11,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,5,4,82,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699474413735243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294706657319049,0.16812928792169934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617484993291478,0.0,0.3000826725843997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666523174764204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18156213098605856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359600143796442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370758880434887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296868219407791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573009521200388,0.0,0.18651191486124935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076330316291045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297809578496128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815409401104857,0.0,0.09017940729303786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590140716273845,0.08016593847521886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950319424696073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167043268808835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223828535305436,0.3743928309254765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664218489969348,0.0,0.14327679599401785,0.0,0.18012121436808634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838180166512763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687115397457335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171542181162294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342162953426993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568202310268074,0.0,0.0,0.15679473937187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737970415060369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656461425654527,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,darkdaze,2018/04/04,"I can tell I’m not my girlfriends FP anymore and I feel like she is going to break up with me because of how cold she is acting toward me rn. Does your FP ever switch back to someone or is it over? Background: She has BDP, we’ve been together for 7 months, she’s not in DBT",0.2119999999999997,2.0159415333333364,2.273333333333337,96.57500000000002,83.66666666666666,4.666666666666667,20.0,5.46131890053228,-0.30849999999999955,212,6,50,1,6,71,49,60,0.0,0.955,0.045,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,8,9,3,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,10,1,9,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754536338791219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911077541031175,0.0,0.2307813136763568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313014400177158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424509337507727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19142346313274808,0.2704605100498224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151580314048244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849570363467644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021821646124569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32077302406803604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308991331135254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brokenhallelujah5381,2018/04/04,"Not unfaithful in my relationship...yet I am lucky enough to have a fiancé aware of my BPD and incredibly helpful and supportive through it. I love him very much. He is my rock. But there is another male friend of mine who has gotten much closer to me of late and somewhat recently left his girlfriend of 9 years. We are great friends and I am pretty sure he's interested in more than that. And my for my self-esteem issue laiden mind to get to the point where it thinks someone is interested in me, it's usually right. Anyway. The impulsive side of me is so incredibly intrigued by the idea of this friend being more. But I wouldn't give up my fiancé for the world. Am I a terrible person for struggling with this? I'm afraid I'm going to impulsively do something I'll regret and sabatoge the wonderful relationship I currently have. Has anyone else struggled with this?",4.622777521879319,6.401241844311379,5.459520958083832,78.80094426531554,70.67664670658681,8.970796867802855,29.01381851681253,9.466822959209583,2.678206264394289,696,27,130,16,13,227,106,167,0.06,0.718,0.222,0.9834,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,4,15,0,3,7,0,15,1,0,0,1,21,25,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,8,9,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,19,10,23,22,6,17,0,1,0,1,16,11,0,3,5,91,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596247750909448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399954477370428,0.15239742606065645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873275606165511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424969361991957,0.0,0.0,0.15368386334971346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447387805413634,0.0,0.0777083279644235,0.14268095307599848,0.08452999505873185,0.0,0.0,0.1639817684462651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969448603151956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679046384498249,0.0,0.15524155501687986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778048529099732,0.0,0.16160190541152214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423988606804066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018078004398325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867588534287652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987038245159896,0.0,0.0,0.1406034271198976,0.0,0.0,0.15131780210520826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685868025038756,0.3193732192369143,0.0,0.12701957900539146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516390005224015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602337901311347,0.1145041020764635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109819495832217,0.0,0.0,0.1687836478025645,0.14018175168347574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530390882032476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638114943024391,0.1227226297317958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129765392772394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578099264337524 bpd,BlackLoungewear,2018/04/04,Non-specific anxiety Does anybody else get anxiety and feel their brain searching for a specific thing to obsess over? I have the fast heartbeat and panicky feeling and my brain is running through things at a rate of knots. It feels ridiculous. ,5.742441860465117,8.65829434883721,4.793197674418604,79.84468023255816,70.62790697674419,8.020930232558143,38.656976744186046,8.841846274778883,3.984493023255814,199,12,31,4,4,59,37,43,0.232,0.735,0.033,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,6,6,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,6,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222589347400406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6161860224305608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415182754725076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305519078358762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41864229172976974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419193114260978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667072903121038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Becca989,2018/04/04,"For those with BPD that have been in abusive relationships Do you go through something stages of missing your abusive ex? I have a partner with BPD and lately she’s been bringing up her abusive ex saying she misses them. I’m not sure why it was a terribly toxic relationship which ended in court. I was just wondering how common it is. ",4.840312500000003,6.693311156250001,5.442625000000002,78.83987500000002,70.25,7.620000000000001,31.55,8.238735603445708,2.50500375,270,12,47,4,5,87,50,64,0.304,0.696,0.0,-0.9693,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,8,14,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,1,8,1,8,10,0,9,0,2,0,0,12,3,0,1,3,35,13,0,0.0,0.6481648106953221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593268936822121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615079793835207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363370965144983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056987473587984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915513238803655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501204234301554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403819420579322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186272094660773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454251607297676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775080103803985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,WeHeartAri,2018/04/04,"Bojack Horseman anyone? Does this show resonate with anyone else here? S4E6 "" Stupid piece of shit"" perfectly depicts having BPD in my experience",6.567681159420289,10.506177652173918,5.356521739130431,70.31420289855075,76.82608695652175,6.544927536231885,29.40579710144928,7.793537801064563,2.91860579710145,118,5,14,2,3,35,22,23,0.233,0.634,0.133,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4924004578817852,0.3607735136512171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44346432872459096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081297412570165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941388164883059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444265699478984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614310545264193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dgafhay,2018/04/04,does anyone else feel extremely unmotivated? i know i have shit to do. i know my future depends on these things. i cannot find the motivation to do ANYTHING. at all. my mind wanders to other things that dont matter. any advice? can anyone relate?,0.9487765957446824,3.4330865106382973,3.2714627659574487,82.07187500000003,98.7872340425532,4.903191489361704,18.640957446808514,6.6274283507984215,0.6326191489361706,194,6,34,3,8,66,35,47,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.8378,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,2,1,9,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,5,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,24,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604671728769378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126146868364967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727524774386044,0.2731094556374416,0.21934591552447125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332575500034233,0.0,0.31239173376949353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226662684850661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477444595812146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243619624228812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929751162329168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691370329882981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736072211986337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35416468562989656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,HeathenFineChin,2018/04/04,"I have a dip in another forum who's BPD, how do I tell him off without him going full blast? Question says all, someone is BPDing me in a post on another place. What's some words that are safe?",2.635040650406502,3.5459230731707336,4.130243902439022,89.79260162601628,74.3658536585366,7.417886178861789,25.861788617886177,7.793537801064563,1.2239691056910569,150,5,34,2,3,50,35,41,0.0,0.913,0.087,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,5,5,3,8,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,0,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5904697225352203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35460853952517085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600141377765766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941649439901146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696517646832886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154059242181473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390375680634947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385605525998549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460913921291352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714088757325385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mopish_kitty,2018/04/04,"I have BPD and my friend is married to a woman potentially with BPD and is experiencing problems in their relationship. What should I do/not do to support him? I have BPD and my friend (P)´s wife (J) exhibits many of the same symptoms that I have. Which means that when he speaks about J, I have a tendency of relating to her and giving some of my stories. I’m not sure if this is helping by kind of explaining how it was for me, or if I’m projecting and just damaging how he views his wife. How can I best support my friend?",5.534330218068533,5.070366373831778,6.4734112149532725,80.41454049844239,67.50467289719626,10.12398753894081,32.78660436137071,9.725611199111238,2.772995015576325,410,16,89,8,6,137,67,107,0.068,0.726,0.206,0.9451,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,0,0,3,0,11,1,0,3,1,21,18,12,0,4,5,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,15,8,12,16,3,2,0,1,1,0,17,1,0,4,1,64,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17839454106825364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6422912478861108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940027134286061,0.0,0.0,0.16307037629547413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394104820062728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770189458142484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234368487203294,0.0,0.18516948777956552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626579497773359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250617870459626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38580640746108025,0.1602140335059795,0.17668521660918474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shes_neurotic,2018/04/04,"Bitchy lawyer I’ve been a lurker for quite sometime but have never posted, I guess I just need to vent to people who will understand all these emotions I’m having right now instead of going crazy. I had to go to court today for a ticket I contested. My dad came with me for moral support and mostly so that I wouldn’t lose my shit. I haven’t had outburst in quite a while but he knows that stressful environment are hard for me especially since I’ve only been in recovery for 8 months. Most of my BPD traits have disappeared and I haven’t had an emotional outburst in about 6 months but you never know. I had to approach the crown and state my case which I didn’t feel capable of doing so my dad came in with me to talk to the lawyer and try to get a plea bargain. Uuuughh she was just so condescending and what she offered was worse than my original infraction. She told me to think about it and to come back to her office when I had made a decision. After talking it over my dad told me to accept the plea and so when she came back out, my dad told her we would take it. So she proceeded to touch my back called me a good girl and told me to follow her in to the office, (retelling this sounds really childish but my feelings are so real it’s unbearable, I know some of you will definitely understand) I told her I’d accept it and she asked why I was mad and I said I wasn’t that I was only annoyed. She went on to say she has a “young” daughter my age ( I’m 23 and she must be in her early 40’s ) and that all little girls ever do is pout and make faces to show how angry they are so that they can get their way. She told me she wanted to know what really angered me and that’s when I basically barked at her, I felt my thoughts going so fast I tried to remain calm and do all my DBT skills but I just couldn’t I was so angered. I told her that i was angered that she would say such asinine things to me and that she patted me like I was a child, I’m an adult woman. I took her plea bargain and walked out. in the parking lot I went crazy I wanted to find her car and slash her tires or even kill her, watch her suffer. I hated her and I hated how my dad sided with her and told me I didn’t have to be so mean to her. Do any of you ever feel like you want to watch them suffer more than you are. I didn’t care about the 400$ ticket I cared about that pat and about the condescending tone. Now I’m just guilty that I snapped but my mind is leaning toward the black and white thinking and I feel like shit. Sorry for the rant. ",1.8294506402313075,3.2984492973977737,3.2853060718711298,92.80271334159441,77.40148698884758,6.343560512185048,20.319867823213556,7.03164865440522,0.1985971416769932,1974,45,455,21,45,648,230,538,0.17600000000000002,0.735,0.08900000000000001,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,5,4,5,34,24,10,1,19,0,45,4,3,5,8,91,100,46,1,9,11,6,7,3,0,6,1,4,0,5,23,33,0,0,19,3,2,15,10,14,0,0,36,15,99,10,59,55,8,57,1,3,4,0,67,16,2,6,26,315,122,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019902425133629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690102130055876,0.0,0.0,0.1702853144309608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297165530955834,0.0,0.07537681112794536,0.25328565614322857,0.1505254998357637,0.0,0.0,0.06358799109121015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660714654770688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048756338461246655,0.13354588718208235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492991473641838,0.10547171931091437,0.07087721331810483,0.0,0.06746865461024866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713410518358255,0.0,0.12585804573635265,0.06191534808484251,0.0,0.0,0.08131925903627983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612676184219322,0.1457607192296548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166909143737874,0.0,0.16227458677919093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081917834430853,0.07398540145466925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258387617992508,0.0,0.06275774004380286,0.0,0.06984872837248048,0.049274336471446065,0.0,0.0,0.08040984762760699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453551239558588,0.0,0.1178422404102484,0.0,0.0,0.05473538743592188,0.11386655837935347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228439646999402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117636449551463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069759502497633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702985005831274,0.0,0.08402146815314036,0.09457987856990918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304048629036102,0.07021817594125437,0.11740666442037268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515469959725629,0.061063320077411574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300825736834733,0.08263362377503346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455869563805847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376821367738167,0.0,0.0,0.05550222888063014,0.11866482233208366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904164622524037,0.09459966415335837,0.0,0.05860354171921293,0.0,0.08484335941082811,0.06997118523271334,0.5642929423574841,0.08201492734291281,0.10023565794875862,0.0,0.0,0.15369505704493105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061996499480955,0.05859358767459871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136860740665016,0.06660959895236668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522722747527104,0.10487690693115152,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,pretentiouspyro,2018/04/04,"blacking out?? not sure if bpd related so i would say i am self diagnosed bpd but not sure. i was watching the handmaid’s tale in bed the other nite and i remember finishing the episode i was on before i fell asleep. however, today (a few days later), i was looking to rewatch as a refresher bc my memory is so bad. i remembered all the beginning of the episode and the end but nothing at all of the middle. usually if i doze off i remember to rewind to where i left off. not sure what happened. any thoughts?",1.4922459893048128,3.836067725490196,3.759696969696972,84.62318181818183,82.52941176470588,8.022816399286988,28.880570409982177,8.841846274778883,2.7726549019607853,396,20,79,11,11,136,67,102,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.9208,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,9,0,6,2,1,0,5,20,10,9,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,4,12,3,12,5,3,17,0,0,3,0,2,9,0,2,7,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095143552608768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134463678336991,0.0,0.0,0.137035222170012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40565453375288346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385902613079627,0.0,0.0,0.16345464740004298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263576763158206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424092636158073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497304021236634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523505752388287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545245273815841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472889419870416,0.0,0.0,0.12806738127967665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800234659493354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553416720902833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278496780186451,0.0,0.0,0.1526493662353607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736545312902524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439990134882252,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deliberateheal,2018/04/04,"What are some good resources to learn more about DBT? Hey folks, I don't have BPD, but another cluster B PD. I've gone quite a long way with therapy and I've agreed with my therapist that I am at a state in my therapy where I need to develop a better sense of self-worth and get better at emotional regulation -- which happens to sound a lot like what DBT helps with. I'm not really sure DBT is the right form of therapy for me, but I'm curious. I was wondering if anyone had free or low-cost self-help DBT-oriented resources to recommend so I can feel my way around and see if it could help me. I found [this book](http://a.co/2J5kbHA) on Amazon but I have no idea if it is good or not. Thanks in advance.",3.857708333333335,4.724784909722224,4.939888888888888,85.294,71.43055555555556,9.648888888888887,26.9,9.888512548439397,2.2874716666666663,553,18,121,14,10,182,95,144,0.055,0.685,0.26,0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,4,4,8,0,0,5,0,11,0,0,0,1,27,22,12,0,5,10,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,0,5,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,4,3,12,9,17,17,4,14,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,8,2,72,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517502977806108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119076165315027,0.0,0.0,0.12883042920756194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559840661876148,0.0,0.0,0.18226828375703005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554619941343355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278919038676196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731741821360795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867671302130912,0.0,0.0,0.07560960877879745,0.0,0.0,0.24276655494770225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279743718391076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29100591726915576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336992903963685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070230390514885,0.0,0.0,0.1280715989165815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303476293035065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730716900224868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392627555922345,0.0,0.0,0.09271057984009744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358907889823688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532216025701095,0.0,0.3019465760455793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639577224678698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323764301076488,0.4964957384685141,0.1680297006170528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297421214897569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694138363132065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deryyaa,2018/04/04,"Seriously considering suicide I feel like I'm evil and I deserve to die and I don't know how to shake it. I'm in therapy and I've been showing some improvement but the suicidal urges are getting worse. I bought rope the other day, I'm seriously considering it every day.",1.4415873015873009,4.100984111111114,4.463015873015877,76.805,87.5185185185185,8.27089947089947,28.08465608465609,8.841846274778883,3.0824211640211634,218,11,41,7,7,78,37,54,0.373,0.5660000000000001,0.061,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,10,5,3,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,4,1,3,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698455337007512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975895432863398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415897565067752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144983723149079,0.20484621409565248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980915763717575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758411336627287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008606527809642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6272912868571063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279107402341753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29221127418612336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IActNormalTilIDont,2018/04/04,"Just venting. I feel like crap about something but I don't enjoy being reminded of it. How do I deal with someone who often reminds me of the past? I want to believe that its about helping me, or trying to advise me, but it's so hard to not feel like shit hearing about my failures. I feel like I've changed, and while I still make mistakes, I'm not the same as I was. More than anything, I have to tell myself that I don't understand the motive behind it. That this person cares, and is trying to help. And that my feelings, while valid, don't need to get acted out. That's why im here. I'm trying to get this off my chest so I can move past it, so the next time I see them, I won't feel so triggered. Thanks for anyone who is reading this. I already feel better knowing that writing it out is a better solution than acting on my feelings. Hope everyone's doing ok. It's only Tuesday.",1.5527440381558044,3.378836967567569,3.2606041335453098,91.06833068362484,79.32432432432431,5.217806041335454,23.314785373608903,5.900188976854957,0.4124213036565978,689,23,145,4,17,229,105,185,0.07400000000000001,0.6990000000000001,0.227,0.9845,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,3,12,13,2,0,5,1,13,3,3,4,0,32,34,14,0,4,6,0,8,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,18,6,0,0,10,1,0,3,6,3,0,0,1,10,22,10,22,31,2,15,0,0,1,0,11,4,2,3,11,101,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438765154966651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116405799091117,0.0,0.1072908429762804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689253378255054,0.0,0.230619335929768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329301231527327,0.0,0.13792373933781588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344150679094379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458276239514618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614649294359134,0.2794284420731584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623533703614152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167940130405158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694665657570227,0.0,0.17478064785240335,0.0,0.0,0.1294958074749919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408317390732912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165291206025784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910898434204844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870290232892789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857228874699,0.0,0.0966744079987558,0.0,0.0,0.13865959083374144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991591369380743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24892309755535294,0.0,0.11384195097085592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041432493652572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389521665370326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383221354547625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046973962781166,0.10037215667250966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412087177074283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395702984789195,0.12003550537192287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602506817155849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.265556434689704,0.0,0.0,0.13572918132303574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690093728044113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764680670787575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,terrorthroughthewall,2018/04/04,"I need to stop letting myself be used I’m only hitting my early twenties and the amount of times that i’ve allowed myself to be used by others is saddening. I’m tired of being seen as different/quirky by men and being used almost as a form of escapseim or ego boost for them, yet I allow it because I like the attention. I be that cool and interesting girl for them and only end up feeling hollow and used up and empty when I’m alone, so I end up craving the attention more again. This is mostly just venting and an acknowledgement that I’m a big part of my own problem and I need to start making changes. ",3.72913082437276,4.859863830645164,5.294623655913976,81.64249103942653,71.98387096774194,7.769175627240144,27.487455197132626,8.167268648758528,1.8202573476702508,481,17,94,7,9,163,75,124,0.117,0.775,0.108,-0.29600000000000004,2,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,6,1,8,1,0,7,0,27,23,13,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,12,3,16,15,6,13,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,3,10,67,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18255792602966028,0.1888190011234254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111349682268324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286064711431705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32294650256994123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218181556485204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642513938974176,0.0,0.08906784535663469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169387104700788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27036228825506553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773111490304672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974248244702049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444680880006055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904051875047087,0.0,0.0,0.15241998760379313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063068904227189,0.2095394393655496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6298319657795864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Litaloxo135,2018/04/04,"How do you get diagnosed at first? I just want to make it clear that I’m not asking for anyone here to diagnose me therefore not breaking rules. But I’m just wondering how do you get diagnosed. I have been researching into this, because I realize I identify heavily with a lot of the symptoms, however I know better than to self diagnose. So how would one go about getting a mental health diagnosis. I really dont know anything about that. I am struggling and not understanding what’s going on with my mind, and I’m really wondering if BPD might have anything to do with it. How can I get “tested” / evaluated and diagnosed or misdiagnosed ? What is that process ",4.67736,6.621665415999999,6.277000000000001,72.32350000000002,70.84,10.76,32.5,10.793553405168565,4.1886800000000015,527,25,92,18,10,180,80,125,0.024,0.914,0.062,0.5204,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,2,10,2,0,1,3,0,12,7,0,6,1,33,29,11,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,8,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,1,0,12,1,15,26,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,6,1,70,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103704298260573,0.0,0.21428271840741067,0.0,0.12171698516934353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936712106612093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514901190418388,0.0,0.0,0.1639790561082108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6607380558326854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259037251747465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074583421883204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27209105225977304,0.0,0.14798835533801202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383937382605379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310616220504124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106891658710658,0.0,0.0,0.0869077694491196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312083473103719,0.1381188568600631,0.1314622497413301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822512163322581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681556505672354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582427374216854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611058189064554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532494087317645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355400756220285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679379447216084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823870332425618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248849097532863,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Cariad_Bach,2018/04/05,DAE feel like people hate them when they're disagreeing with you? I can't have arguments because I feel personally attacked when people disagree with me. Like on one level I try and separate.it but in my head they hate me and think I'm an awful person and want me to die.,6.584444444444442,6.292634481481485,6.9448148148148166,77.33166666666669,65.29629629629629,10.162962962962963,30.962962962962962,9.725611199111238,2.705896296296297,218,7,42,4,3,71,40,54,0.338,0.562,0.1,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,2,0,2,5,3,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,10,9,6,1,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,10,2,5,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772788224666726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857595379832206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529539546562296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464750994026404,0.1741212388702587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4812671524974577,0.2501379830341313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23814898744764998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651582093384625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33794431512269163,0.4256324386605482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617277149466774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547712557490535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375866361573264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,court__lynn,2018/04/05,"FP question Does anyone else have experience with their FP not being their SO? I’m not saying I love my SO any less, but for about 6 years now I haven’t been able to get that FP out of my subconscious thoughts and dreams. It actually annoys me because I do not want to think of this person anymore but I cannot stop the thoughts. (I’ve told my SO about this and he’s supportive. He even set me and the FP up for a chat once when we saw him out in hopes for closure. Unfortunately that opened up a whole new slew of thoughts and dreams 😞) Any insight would be helpful as I’m desperate to phase this person out of my brain. My FP has always been someone “unattainable” for me, in a sense. However, this fp showed feelings for me in return so I think my brain went into obsession mode and I don’t know how to turn that off. ",2.0515490196078474,3.828225370588239,3.267647058823531,91.82107843137257,77.64705882352942,6.415686274509804,23.098039215686285,7.3011,0.6865215686274513,643,20,144,8,15,208,100,170,0.092,0.797,0.111,0.6445,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,2,0,10,5,1,1,5,0,11,3,2,1,0,31,29,14,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,8,12,0,1,9,4,0,1,6,2,0,0,8,3,20,3,27,18,2,19,0,0,1,1,14,11,0,2,6,91,28,0,0.1565498279631982,0.0,0.15277004950790585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026199781062447,0.0,0.0,0.2129185026746397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525536314585367,0.10946327967667116,0.16040379895105447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543132208339604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34952276428704765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699780942126866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077729322808387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033996849131011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313577130480574,0.0,0.0,0.07915629681421595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179082375490285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049320497549858,0.0,0.0,0.15548930250564996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603569131687723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412923318501466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119679937058073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672045754713594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733865427382154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753716354300187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449470664633587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326441612098243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088266601450213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177650889573243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006216171076341,0.0,0.37284922985191626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495900694143273,0.0,0.0,0.1702812584092035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233714459887593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451232589274964,0.0,0.1747822922042472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120850615106276,0.0,0.0,0.10081295652057426 bpd,AquariusChild,2018/04/05,"Have any of you with BPD graduated from college? I am graduating from nursing school in a month and I am terrified. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited and I know I should be, but I'm not. All I can think about is leaving the place I've grown to love over the past 4 years. Instead of being happy with my accomplishments I just keep thinking about all my friends that I may never see again. Is there any advice you guys could give about how to cope with all this change? I know it will be a good thing in the end, but the thought of letting go of this part of my life is tearing me apart. ",2.4878048780487845,3.974627414634149,3.597243902439025,91.17976829268294,75.66666666666666,6.871219512195122,24.49512195121952,7.554174236665415,0.915706341463415,464,15,105,6,10,150,82,123,0.02,0.815,0.165,0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,15,2,0,1,4,25,29,6,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,15,5,18,20,4,13,0,0,1,1,7,5,0,2,6,75,20,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17717281598929005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465923400812572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16949921007778207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835202860941806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180062101575726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476028681620934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605857407267388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732482842327929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007869356020064,0.0,0.0,0.17392787783919256,0.10304194314213498,0.15207318069315331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795241717504404,0.0,0.19300654002197698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223111023223523,0.0,0.0,0.19928509909500144,0.0,0.0,0.19197979153515932,0.0,0.18540048497663256,0.12806373486477568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636382292228805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447189176311913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983648839059062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633971213871948,0.17307972117600606,0.0,0.0,0.1894290582958463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834941386284569,0.14447960278933145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120453479768556,0.2323506572327119,0.0,0.14393889826658945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675689311466975 bpd,ChatterBrained,2018/04/05,"Getting through college I’ve been working on a degree for years now and it has been exceedingly difficult to ever get things done. At the beginning of the semester, classes are a breeze. I enjoy the work, and I really desire to get it done, but as I get farther in, I start falling behind and everything compounds from there. Every late assignment, I fear that the professor looks at me in disgust. Every bad grade, I fear that I will be unable to go anywhere with a degree I have nearly fought for. Does anyone else have this kind of experience with college, or even classes or work in general?",7.752619047619048,7.39353521428572,8.125714285714286,70.05261904761906,62.92857142857143,11.038095238095238,37.41666666666667,10.504223727775694,4.069905952380953,472,21,80,10,6,156,75,112,0.21,0.7559999999999999,0.034,-0.9726,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,4,8,2,2,7,0,10,0,0,0,1,11,19,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,5,1,9,2,20,12,0,16,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,2,6,62,15,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153141955223434,0.17808804418864346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451234048456769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210158423621212,0.3557342717181349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519526674290825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479932380850325,0.1572203535966441,0.2928834600688862,0.0,0.15620848322974162,0.17001872889128952,0.0,0.39116729747075457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632324902612397,0.0,0.09877976212861772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809955139439804,0.0,0.0,0.1960643250405201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145955935796885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134661100880278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302303182192545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115471095713808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796054581410384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192741302281853 bpd,Depressionroulette,2018/04/05,"Needing support - ex/fp/housemate is out on a tinder date Hey I'm not sure if this is the place to post this. I guess I'm just feeling isolated and hoping this is an ok place to post a small rant/ plea for attention. (t/w for post: self harm/ benzos) So tonight my ex girlfriend/ favourite person/ current housemate is out on a tinder date. This is the first date they've gone on since we broke up. Until recently we still sort of had a thing going on, but since we moved in together she's found it uncomfortable to be living in close proximity to someone she's in any kind of physical or emotional thing with so that stopped. And I get it I really do. I wish her the best tonight. But I wish it was me instead. Or that I could just stop feeling so intensely because right now it feels like my world is going to fall apart. I have this nervous tic when I'm highly anxious and it's happening now. So I'm not in a good way. But I don't know how to self care through this. It was always going to happen and I need to move on from her and become okay with her seeing other people, because otherwise it's going to be hard to remain friends. Right now I'm trying really hard not to self harm. It's a thing I do when I feel like I need control and a distraction and to just hurt myself I guess. I know I could take some valium and all this is just going to become background but I'm afraid of doing that. It is a prescription for me but lately I've been relying on it more and I don't want to build a dependency. (it is prescribed to me, not something i've aquired). Right now I feel so lost and like there's no good options. I'm really just hoping that there's going to be someone out there who'll read this post and be able to offer some perspective, or recount their own experiences because right now I feel so alone and so close to fucking up edit: and i'm really not sure how i'm going to deal if/when she doesn't come home tonight. i'll feel totally shattered and right now i have no healthy coping mechanisms but im trying so hard to be good and not fuck up",2.136415461973602,3.81898463023256,3.733595223130109,88.99393777498432,77.11627906976744,6.881206788183532,23.947203016970462,7.730073105063049,1.0927397862979262,1621,53,349,24,37,539,186,430,0.141,0.7290000000000001,0.131,-0.1443,1,1,1,0,0,2,39.0,3,0,1,4,28,27,2,3,13,2,29,2,0,4,4,84,77,38,0,11,21,1,10,3,2,1,0,0,1,4,28,26,0,3,11,1,0,12,11,10,0,1,7,11,35,17,47,62,7,68,0,3,1,2,21,29,2,13,25,220,63,2,0.0723583616947474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494144057564893,0.0,0.0,0.060207953437529924,0.0,0.0,0.04920616722637783,0.0,0.0,0.08174435272625849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232695704925834,0.1598282511681813,0.0,0.0,0.0759356364424795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377417217980617,0.0,0.0,0.0623303215528182,0.0,0.0,0.08115605539703867,0.11554452791955515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459829366228457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139341773736518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078036221848866,0.0,0.0,0.2561059325885934,0.10338565610522366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154798549326593,0.0,0.07933720880023308,0.05590389075268496,0.13378827883937458,0.0378042575042616,0.0,0.28786047115157193,0.1820722823110084,0.0,0.0,0.1594217863211875,0.0,0.12797252055901176,0.0,0.1944566383434756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645058188023074,0.07258133652002688,0.14373635968495208,0.0,0.0,0.07746112274545973,0.0,0.07815944738753469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535009890038523,0.07953252650558912,0.0,0.08162338370006769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605192168608328,0.0,0.06389375904310192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898769937444647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381097447151645,0.0,0.1609584250415499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016417723173821,0.06318053043973519,0.1511981745575585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771972352198952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237794289504987,0.0,0.1854184773735945,0.0,0.07144515279576519,0.0,0.0,0.3089682276397145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057660246002043974,0.0,0.22645665605979484,0.0,0.0,0.11971116904914599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261801010440115,0.055705001942322974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057785481118531476,0.12098966073953765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821114113658189,0.13639379914252645,0.0,0.05440448288522826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442150409020232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825315572625558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042678836468068894,0.057434699508785485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664170899098389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ixyare,2018/04/05,"What were you like from 10y-18y? Just curious about how life was like for you during your teenage years? Puberty and hormones are hard enough, but what differentiates between a healthy child and a child with BPD navigating emotions? Were your emotions blamed on puberty often?",7.460434782608697,10.514352652173915,5.568913043478261,75.61902173913045,65.95652173913044,8.947826086956523,37.58695652173913,9.516144504307137,4.046495652173913,226,12,35,5,4,65,36,46,0.101,0.7170000000000001,0.182,0.5122,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,7,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,2,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908073275573832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.698083145777431,0.0,0.3206190254478175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779645364979771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917145332273216,0.3031901971289115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998206438099723 bpd,taggedtables,2018/04/05,"Sent on a spiral by men from my past I’ve recently been coming to terms with my severe abandonment issues through going to therapy a couple times a month, but I haven’t found a good way to cope with the resulting emotions. I don’t expect many will read this, but I want to get it off my chest in a safe place. Over the weekend, I was blown off (and later ghosted) by my FP, and my anger drove me to spending time with a couple guys who were formally FPs themselves. The combination of events led me into a severe emotional spiral that I’m having trouble explaining. Basically, I haven’t been able to stop crying much since Saturday. All the emotions and feelings of being used and abandoned and idealizing these men when I dated them came surging back at once, and I don’t know how to deal with them. I talked about it at therapy today and cried a lot, but I still feel stuck. How do you cope with this shit?",8.607666666666667,6.338278099999999,8.525000000000002,74.01750000000001,62.444444444444464,11.666666666666668,35.27777777777778,10.125756701596842,3.2727777777777787,718,23,141,12,8,234,115,180,0.2,0.727,0.073,-0.9789,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,1,6,8,2,0,12,0,12,2,2,5,1,37,27,13,1,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,15,0,4,5,2,1,6,4,5,0,0,9,2,19,3,27,16,4,32,0,2,0,0,11,9,1,1,16,95,26,1,0.1315426205153338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114815553490218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044971451558709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331231999433565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910988152391756,0.28898678374098263,0.0,0.13561466573422518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44390322878120736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302380269212805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442296937841317,0.0,0.0,0.0687255899978182,0.0,0.07475870263974356,0.11033170909090337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024787541151708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729631997227307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229238409850486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111832831953512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336357077185848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499606470553603,0.0,0.09669896156667314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008859776212107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557231563964727,0.0,0.0,0.13743404101892406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157821781660342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988246833890935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972114381280244,0.1350266096407398,0.1088134150142173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505010666407556,0.1099755208394616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572897562431986,0.0,0.0,0.3008609012246743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340711972044715,0.0,0.12468702337363398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136105893441042,0.0,0.0,0.07758724573172185,0.10441240936007587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,daddyskittypie,2018/04/05,"Small Victories! Hi everyone. This is my 1st time posting in this subreddit and was/still nervous about it but I wanted to share a little tiny victory I had today. A little background: * I've been diagnosed with BPD by a medical professional. * I've been knowing dealing with it for 10 years. * My husband is the one who pointed it out, helped me get help and the diagnosis. * We are still together today, living happier than before. Now for why I'm posting: I don't need to sit here and tell all of you what happens when we have a split. Today was a small victory for me personally. My husband and I got into a tiff over something stupid (as always right?). Now normally I would fly off the handle, split, self harm, and you know the rest. But today...today was a little different. I was able to keep my emotions in check enough to not spit. I was able to express my feelings rationally. I may have been a little bit more passionate about what I was saying than most but I didn't split. I may have cried, raised my voice and walked away but I didn't self harm, have suicidal thoughts or think he was leaving. This is a HUGE victory for me (and well for any one of us really). I've never been able to do that. Another thing I haven't been able to do is not split for over 33 days straight!!! No self harming, no suicidal thoughts or attempts, no ending up in the hospital, and no cops. It looks like I may have finally gotten a handle on this BPD thing. If you read all this thank you!!! It took a lot to share this. Hope you all have a good day and this gives you just a tiny bit of hope that it's possible to live with this disease. 💖 TL;DR: Havent had a split in 33 days straight and didn't split during a tough argument with my husband today. 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I hate this disorder. All I want is to be normal and rational. I need to try get a doctors appointment in the morning to restart meds but I’m scared if I’m honest they will put me back in hospital.",3.791621621621623,4.448140324324329,5.330648648648651,83.20489189189192,71.43243243243244,9.163243243243244,28.313513513513517,9.3871,2.269830270270272,280,10,60,6,5,95,56,74,0.189,0.737,0.07400000000000001,-0.7758,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,2,0,4,3,1,0,2,10,12,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,1,2,0,8,1,10,7,2,11,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,35,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107169397425384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827855031333658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718786775554565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724380220802034,0.24330783646085086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241944697800639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346909346572776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280878709976466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626009674012685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329068407217153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389657565924776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255213235595803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23799072316771194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861151206393835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613905335697282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020842666687364,0.0,0.190677860863375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Niteowl6,2018/04/05,"What to Expect from Compulsive Apologies? I’ve been on a binge recently of apologizing to people for all of the mistakes I have made. Mainly my ex girlfriends who I acted emotionally abusive towards due to a mix of taking prescription and non prescription pills and just being weak willed and hormonal. I sent her a long text message saying primarily that I did not deserve or want her forgiveness but that I wanted her to know I’m maturing and I hear and for once recognize what I have done. We’ve been broken up for 3 years. She called me a, “fucking retard”. Does anyone else feel a constant need to apologize for old things or even new things? And what response should I really expect from people who were majorly involved in my episodes? ",5.845869565217392,7.491936920289856,6.294898550724636,74.5106086956522,67.47826086956522,9.577971014492757,31.91594202898551,9.888512548439397,3.375475942028986,597,25,100,14,10,193,95,138,0.136,0.841,0.023,-0.9342,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,6,0,10,3,0,1,1,23,21,9,0,7,5,1,1,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,7,3,15,1,18,11,3,13,0,0,0,1,18,4,1,2,7,72,24,0,0.0,0.2345322160964993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840760440444855,0.20281783640838366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212376914059188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390800421924885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322282565133185,0.202566252144806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535747804799966,0.2226612538168395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074067145867868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008683686386953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829967750493948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230981722414535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10878528364601364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517491625422074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730015288599788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677355871609016,0.0,0.19117631827143247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077097663969511,0.21080474842770933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744599971253292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268085055293757,0.0,0.1954466066527865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574136473788315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488298526985267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26301145489106764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335059395119017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274699592973756 bpd,jfranflakes,2018/04/06,"Obsession with peak mental performance? Hi everyone! This is my first time posting here, but I was diagnosed with BPD last October and have been trying to make some positive changes since. One thing I've read about and discussed with my therapist many times is a feeling that I need to achieve a level of ""peak mental performance"". I suppose I mainly get anxious over how well I can concentrate, how well I can remember things, and how sharp I feel overall. Sometimes I'm not even sure how intelligent I really am because it feels like I'm stuck in a fog. Exercise and meditation certainly help, but I was just curious to see if anyone else experiences this issue, and what you all do to cope with this? Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated!",7.690089928057555,8.003886021582737,7.994883093525183,68.6900224820144,62.884892086330936,12.129856115107913,37.518884892086334,11.698219412168324,4.7254237410071935,603,28,103,18,8,198,101,139,0.059,0.715,0.225,0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,4,10,7,0,1,3,0,12,2,0,5,3,30,22,13,0,3,6,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,4,5,12,6,12,16,3,8,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,3,5,71,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294088509498913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643294948800673,0.0,0.0,0.17681305118964294,0.0,0.10943623565136372,0.16036416954828986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540774479704787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712031540364425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655680448274396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885552345048284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307449833572473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337413896103544,0.0,0.0,0.14955311165429186,0.0,0.1530979375427727,0.0,0.0,0.2374102213190675,0.11181159734925472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312830485162655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817706164934899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255409620552745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049061252164783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335697848176542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757747710464878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646344255990015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447240843692017,0.15867774143713054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31545285622748914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160510351158643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605600627064188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498944187150522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655350486361672,0.0,0.10026505085051517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729662374426836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471912355961283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946764122006071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479353004527488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750990732348554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18172150908583867,0.20795810808457127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252582123237954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626079767948236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814446414679471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118103094966522,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dizquar,2018/04/06,"Is anyone else scared of becoming like their parent(s)? For me, I’m scared of becoming my mom (she has bpd too). People say we look alike and it makes me want to take my life, I know, it’s irrational. She gets super angry & impulsive and can’t hold a stable relationship. I’m scared I’ll get worse and be like her, my symptoms are a bit less severe than hers but I still feel like I’m a bad person because of BPD. I mean, I already have a bad temper! She attacked me multiple times during my childhood. I’m so terrified of becoming an angry abusive person like her. Does anyone feel this way about their parents?? Scared to become abusive???? I kind of just want to feel like I’m not alone right now I think...",0.9900781571369812,3.4199921048951083,2.7912875359934186,90.03272315919376,85.99300699300699,5.882188399835459,20.299876593994238,7.285733465282438,0.7071813245577956,553,17,113,9,17,183,89,143,0.303,0.5710000000000001,0.126,-0.9892,2,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,2,1,6,15,2,4,5,0,6,2,0,1,0,17,24,5,0,2,3,2,3,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,5,22,7,11,23,2,6,0,0,1,0,15,1,0,0,9,58,25,0,0.0,0.24130602680299584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054661441269746,0.11237297542676383,0.0,0.0,0.11033378187827364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240512307450462,0.10433783273584472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584739602121408,0.0,0.0,0.17004916427522987,0.06207519638818655,0.44985709492066944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117301343765583,0.0,0.25650501050646585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911294257397942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085066684428353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544663501300992,0.1454960889956302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640492736546757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604125473926418,0.055963621987982166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192620502875563,0.24874727012567904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551234354535184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797294375486929,0.0,0.0,0.11092374736078382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192631672034722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261424178933261,0.0,0.0,0.07059675268175597,0.17782969951450306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932832131884726,0.0,0.08696306710040544,0.0,0.08098005136728126,0.4078021454121218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503997814788702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132232091190805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584133792535873,0.07656419451044587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652491551504909,0.0,0.0,0.05937844051872807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201250545369292,0.08082866101524222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377442839792524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shadownie,2018/04/06,"Hoping to get some input on emotional regulation + behaviors Hello everyone. I'm someone who has fit the criteria for this disorder to a T since I was in my late teens. I still, in fact, try not to use the label ""borderline"" - I like to tell people i'm someone with poor emotional regulation. and i'm working on it, a lot. I am now 27 (female) and owning up to my actions, emotions, and behavioral cycles. I need input on a couple of things though. 1) Marijuana I smoked weed every day for about the last year but have recently started to cut back and try to quit completely because I think it may be starting to trigger psychosis. I'm under an extreme amount of pressure in my career and I had a screaming, crying breakdown last weekend and had to lock myself in my closet to calm down. I'm worried I may start to dissociate and I wanted to see how those of you managing your BPD use marijuana, if you recommend stopping altogether, or if there really is a happy medium somewhere. 2) Having healthy relationships. Is it possible? I don't want to have an anxiety attack every time my next partner and i argue. I want to be able to believe he won't drop/leave me immediately if I react to something out of proportion to the situation. I just want to be normal. I don't want to have to be sober for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to monitor my feelings, emotions, behavior my entire life. Sometimes I just want to have an easy existence and it seems like this one takes so much effort. Any tips you have for regulating emotions appreciated. Thanks :) ",2.7552538631346546,5.168860331125831,5.020105960264903,77.00077704194261,78.13907284768213,8.0001766004415,28.278587196467985,8.841846274778883,2.7102989845474608,1228,55,220,30,30,427,174,302,0.123,0.7440000000000001,0.134,0.8593,0,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,4,0,3,10,11,3,1,13,0,24,2,0,5,1,43,50,17,0,13,8,0,1,2,1,3,2,1,1,1,9,11,0,1,3,1,1,1,5,5,0,1,3,3,32,6,45,40,6,29,0,0,1,0,11,12,0,10,18,153,41,3,0.09529257573557576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480221922185113,0.0,0.0728985596104658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840906178211457,0.0,0.0732741086809951,0.0,0.05808946969469642,0.0,0.0,0.10736210076667684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200176632642018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991245264162807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543942255765668,0.10467441985089512,0.061455827991348015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092135475545608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5359566083623933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057620998462652,0.0910561397889613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818278951344234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978643776581754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144071882876607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464702917830532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535233551030614,0.10749417608217192,0.10090107854223862,0.0,0.0,0.1346159287566124,0.09311027818095784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101434019563038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005100766994057,0.07065823746008659,0.0,0.0,0.10134473536548624,0.0,0.09336649169129288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457271550967017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660638735607977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742806116925592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135538408978452,0.0,0.0,0.06104686412206669,0.0,0.09408992235688572,0.10230856408908323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593584528988259,0.08675078201081965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882700337477483,0.10711284772919803,0.0,0.0,0.16148218036931372,0.07336088037527448,0.09424679402733672,0.0,0.2023457267215084,0.0,0.07610077407686902,0.07966886023402703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716481576457775,0.0,0.08328991138318795,0.08773260077599837,0.0,0.0,0.06330815303853035,0.06105963478579201,0.09362447183336954,0.0,0.05556586723400868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939480751100518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646043791285797,0.0,0.0,0.3934422108004216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937413006459857,0.09677423627117962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06136529448389099 bpd,AnxiousShallot,2018/04/06,"May the bridges I burn light the way A lil positivity for my bpd brothers and sisters. Our emotions, while out of control, are still part of us and none of us deserve to be treated as subhuman for it. We are human and we deserve respect. If somebody isn't paying you basic human respect, they're not worth the pain you go through to make them like you. Radical acceptance is key. ",3.831261261261261,5.637461135135138,4.847027027027028,82.27882882882884,72.78378378378378,7.095495495495496,33.954954954954964,7.793537801064563,2.562809009009009,300,16,56,4,6,98,57,74,0.02,0.765,0.215,0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,5,3,1,1,1,6,0,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,0,12,8,6,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,11,5,10,6,2,5,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,2,3,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310126386951698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947750218034396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29563716928834083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493666848657416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284005955126489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754344168774861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796590517087493,0.0,0.0,0.28460849063377724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988842266055865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6322802935284612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086143137089191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,rlev,2018/04/06,"Just wanted to express my relief about having found this subreddit I have always considered myself to be “fucked up” or “crazy” or that I love people “too much.” My family has a history of rage and bipolar disorders and I never thought I could possibly have one myself until I realized that I really do feel my feels very, very very intensely after having just been broken up with by my first love. Every day of my life since I was in 6th grade I have wondered what is wrong with me. I am 22 now. Every. Single. Day. I am starting DBT group therapy soon and I am nervous that maybe I’m too far gone and will be unable to change but I am hoping for the best and at least that I’ll get SOMETHING out of it. Right now I am in a down period and finding this subreddit brought a little sliver of light to my day. I really look forward to reading your guys’ posts and interacting with you all....just knowing I’m not alone and that there are other people out there that might be dealing with the same spiral of impulses and anxiety and depression that I am. 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I think this time I went too far, I don't know what to do anymore, how do I stop myself doing this?",3.3493749999999984,3.2969601875000016,4.293749999999998,92.77625,72.125,6.4,22.25,3.1291,-0.14823750000000047,114,2,27,0,2,37,26,32,0.194,0.8059999999999999,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,7,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,2,6,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,21,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5230902966454383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898736274299364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409731889709613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379697135091289,0.0,0.0,0.30756129308415103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4889529548246346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,_Morrissey_,2018/04/06,"What do you love about your BPD? We all know why it frickin sucks but do you see any positives? Mine is the entire new phases I go through which help expand my knowledge. My (only) life-long friend used to make fun of me when I got a new obsession ""how long is this one going to last?"" and I used to think it was normal. Any new passions or hobbies that come into my life become ME for a few months and though I may seem like a 'jack of all trades, master of none' I love the experiences I put myself through because I am constantly changing. So my fellow warriors, what you love about your BPD? 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I’m (22/F) diagnosed with BPD and have been living with my boyfriend (26/M) for the last 2 years. Two nights ago he told me that he’s planning on getting his own place when our lease is up and I basically freaked out. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me, but he would like to have his own place to see what it’s like. He’s never had an apartment of his own and he values alone time, so I believe him, but I can’t help but feel abandoned and betrayed. I have been splitting on him badly the past 2 days to the extent that I cry when I see him. Logically I know he loves me and isn’t truly “leaving” me, but I can’t help but see him as being the “bad person that’s abandoning me”. So now I’m confused as to how I should feel about him. It also makes me feel bad about myself, like I’m not enjoyable to live with and am unworthy of being loved in a long term relationship. It doesn’t help that I constantly feel empty when I’m home without him. Is there anyone that has any advice on how to deal with these feelings, or anyone who can relate? I’d really appreciate hearing from others. 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I become convinced that they hate me,and then the paranoia starts. What if they're plotting against me? What are they thinking? Then when I am in a better state of mind, I am terrified to think of the way I acted. What if I lose my job? What are these people saying behind my back? I don't know if it's insecurity or just me projecting. But it's been happening a lot recently and I'm sorta nearing the end of my rope. ",1.5201282051282057,3.7291595811965843,3.5424145299145318,87.0310576923077,81.3931623931624,6.635042735042736,23.42521367521368,7.793537801064563,1.2527213675213669,449,16,93,8,12,152,75,117,0.229,0.713,0.058,-0.9689,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,4,5,7,3,1,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,17,17,11,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,2,18,2,14,16,1,21,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,7,10,67,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615490312746622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488189327650507,0.0,0.0,0.1937300549211624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513868619229745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131269773397902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107279906973234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352295851910024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869416482717396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603244513666826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511727904855266,0.0,0.0,0.5195525420576044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407049569549013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640248588926556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624245832033105,0.0,0.149129996731952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771172880382538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160939932895035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319933458334574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949558627429026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415833827211152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479534151783365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923480246942235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554057408807635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,onemorewaffle,2018/04/06,"DAE become a self appointed expert in their stolen personality traits? I dated someone who played cricket? Crickets now my favourite sport. I worked at a cycling store? I'm now commentating on the commonwealth games during every cycling event. I find it amusing and frustrating, I don't really know what I actually like",4.849662337662334,8.336107836363642,5.496103896103896,69.6527272727273,79.72727272727272,8.233766233766234,31.493506493506487,8.841846274778883,3.7672597402597408,261,13,37,7,7,84,47,55,0.111,0.7440000000000001,0.146,0.2359,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,3,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,20,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.3501533593417941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962848770712033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023185627182123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279519820876985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719628575717116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529972513770914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133049201953397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298671792241719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743240945731598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040242429344169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612228460612405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the_real_dairy_queen,2018/04/06,"Does anyone else feel like their BPD-related sensitivity makes them really good at understanding others and how to make them happy? BPD makes you feel things more intensely, and makes you carefully observe others and their emotional states, right? I think these sensitivities come with a sort of super power of knowing how to make people happy. I feel like I pretty easily intuit what drives people, how they see themselves, and what validates them. Every chance I get I try to use this to brighten peoples lives. I have taken time to tell almost every one of my co-workers exactly what I love about working with them. I can write a card to almost anyone that would make them cry. I build up people when they are feeling down, because I can put myself in their shoes and know what they are feeling. I think almost every bad thing has a silver lining. I may be a monster at times because I am so preoccupied with how people around me respond to things, but I can also be the brightest ray of sunshine! 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I take the over-the-counter health-store version and it helps immensely (took it steady for about a year, maybe two - I lose track of time - and now only when I recognize my behavior is off). Anyway - BPD with psychosis and severe suicidal thoughts/tendencies. The low dose of lithium probably saved my life. Just curious as to whether anyone else has gone this route and what their experiences have been. ",6.196166666666668,8.145486950000002,5.392500000000003,80.14916666666669,67.0,9.333333333333334,33.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.3490833333333336,356,16,62,8,6,107,63,80,0.142,0.7659999999999999,0.092,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,5,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,8,8,7,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,3,0,6,1,9,5,1,9,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881666217395029,0.4222696505571525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25952782014110515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442766460231035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20156813323483708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190342234207897,0.0,0.0,0.13811898556032393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14554765355481894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305306202456676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701693149100234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671940310565385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216964081388824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327913571657025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253983347418955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493294624476509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201563836961798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289424152067235,0.0,0.0,0.20129258911616552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269714370844224 bpd,driftloon,2018/04/06,"Why am I so bad at dealing with... sex? Don't read if that is triggering to you obviously. Hello everyone, I don't know any place to ask this, as it is probably closely related to my diagnosis I thought I might try it here. This might get quite long, sorry! Okay, so overall I am mostly stable. Or at least more stable than I ever was. I have been in a relationship for over a year now, with a truly amazing person. The only thing that keeps throwing me off is sex. Now a year in, it is becoming more and nore clear that I want to have sex a lot more than he does. Which means that I am pretty much always the one initiating. Sometimes I made it a point to just wait to see how long it would take him, and I just got angrier and angrier till it was pretty much impossible to enjoy it anyway, because at that point I was already disappointed. If I initiate he very rarely actively rejects me. But when we then have sex, it's often the same, with just me being the one who tries to make it exciting(He knows all the things and kinks I like, and we explored them in the past, but now it's always the same if I don't do something about it). And my self esteem... just gave up in the last weeks. I have been on a bit of a low, and my brain doesn't want to understand that he loves me even if he isn't all over me at all times. I rationally get that he shows his affection differently than I do, but I just get full of this anger. I am sure some of you know the feeling I am talking about. This resentment *that doesn't make sense* but can't be reasoned away at the moment. When I explain that to him he really tries to be understanding, he is truly a hero, but I just feel like an absolute crazy person, you know? The moment I feel like he isn't putting energy into making it amazing and pleasing me, I feel like he doesn't love me anymore/find me attractive anymore. Full disclosure, I am about to get my period too, so my hormones are probably also all over the place right now. I don't know, I just needed the rant. Maybe someone share their experiences and tipps on how to get over this and work this through? I communicate most things to him, we are great on that front(or anything besides this *stupid little thing*)",3.7056026785714273,4.725870140625002,4.936071428571432,84.60892857142858,71.92410714285714,8.367857142857144,26.276785714285715,8.751876143730069,1.7255767857142847,1725,55,366,31,32,572,206,448,0.079,0.753,0.168,0.9905,1,0,1,0,0,0,60.0,3,3,2,3,28,22,3,0,23,1,40,7,1,9,8,82,75,31,0,8,17,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,3,35,18,0,2,16,2,0,3,10,7,0,2,9,5,54,15,50,60,19,53,0,3,1,6,35,30,0,12,24,268,89,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545810561706364,0.0691763410921707,0.1439546914956337,0.0,0.0,0.058824941044586236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578763676416243,0.0,0.0,0.07118451948338264,0.0,0.08086853822502267,0.0,0.08127232582828132,0.0,0.07222631162800104,0.05273136739967628,0.09553566130210138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443876713414354,0.0,0.0,0.0965658491143209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918069571487024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037712349631584,0.0,0.0,0.07569927424070193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713435227690465,0.07824682907082439,0.0,0.08265723179164053,0.0,0.08461643873748119,0.0,0.0,0.17495386957588752,0.18539307574799704,0.0,0.0,0.07906208714205794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259709853738029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918427453547847,0.09536975706414873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688775566134899,0.0,0.0,0.2376986690151252,0.0705114121651179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904379789490204,0.08669863495633799,0.0,0.1531046959401484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073541675624699,0.1561444963538522,0.08185113933646042,0.17322408041826193,0.0,0.08690379386865435,0.0942270216730802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835318224493399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717917521283312,0.06414080725652711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172332129534338,0.06578935647736738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257680989471937,0.0,0.151061998435463,0.1807542469926317,0.09495421227943153,0.16354640901687129,0.0,0.0,0.17600910348742285,0.1865295222966078,0.0,0.0,0.08695931080252763,0.0,0.09200648627821256,0.08652631293435434,0.0,0.055415975348673534,0.08893939237089947,0.0,0.09287174610938696,0.0,0.07387300738925855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893161493521709,0.0,0.09024139447524686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329362986362838,0.06659416166413183,0.08555358394932719,0.0968329189533493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815279633190491,0.0,0.06503941840382063,0.0695277575795241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298747428623516,0.0,0.0,0.06867364332375211,0.05044053897199997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761893808895323,0.0,0.0,0.18010514754719986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137395513349469,0.10204330800793804,0.0,0.06938741183012373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07805541621204318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297514437118831,0.0,0.0,0.06144918112625782,0.0,0.0,0.11141006815955903 bpd,MCHammer75040,2018/04/06,"has anyone had any success with online educational resources for learning DBT? I'm finding information for my girlfriend and came across acouple of these, has anyone had any luck with teaching themselves DBT or working with someone online to learn the skills? http://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/p/welcome-to-healingfrombpd.html http://emotionallysensitive.com/classes/",21.342666666666666,26.26026148888889,13.335555555555556,26.170000000000016,34.111111111111114,9.555555555555557,46.111111111111114,9.725611199111238,5.426111111111113,337,14,27,4,3,88,36,45,0.0,0.856,0.14400000000000002,0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,11,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,8,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,17,2,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5069788393626598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212845834080622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42633786178717575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406956680712125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158381355008467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713735452603509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,runswithjackals,2018/04/07,"I don't know what to do to help my boyfriend My posting here is the result of an incident that occurred last night. I accidentally broke his bong (recently he broke my favorite one, I shrugged it off because it's just a bong). I went to go pick up the pieces (he vaguely mumbled that he'd do it) and I stepped on a piece of glass and started to cry because it hurt really fucking bad. One second he's handling the situation sort of calmly and then I lay my clothed leg on the same piece of glass (that I knew was there and I knew wasn't going to magically go through my sweatpants) and he started flipping the fuck out. He just started laying into me about how I don't listen to him and blah, blah, blah. Mind you, I'm sobbing at this point because I can't deal with being screamed at especially when there's a deep ass gash in my foot. So I just go to a different place in the house and fix myself up. He hasn't treated me quite this badly in a while and I know it's probably because he's not working now and it's making him more depressed. He's on lithium three times a day and that's really helped. But he still won't clean anything and makes everywhere we live a pigstye and literally never helps me even when I ask him to do the smallest chores. Not to mention he won't make any effort into the things he knows will make him happier and healthier in the long run. Sometimes I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship (without the hitting except for one incident). I just don't know what to do anymore and I know I'm not going to leave him. 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I just sense that she doesn’t like me or something... and this week she changed the appointment day and time and i feel like she did that as a test to see if id act differently. Has anyone else felt like this? Also, for those of you in therapy, how do you go about each session? I feel like i never have a grasp on my life enough to talk about events or issues, its always just generalized emptiness, anxiety and feelings of being rejected but I’m never able to remember the exact occurrences after the moment I have them... i forget about them or something and I can’t hold on to the negativity! 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This is my first post - ever. please help. I (34/F) find myself getting very anxious before my SO comes to visit. We live 3 hours apart and see each other most weekends. When he first arrives, I am so cold and mean to him and tell him ""I don't love him"", ""I wish he didn't even come"", because ""I don't think about him"" and ""I don't even want to see him"". But, after about an hour or two, I feel totally fine and we have a great time. Until........the day he leaves, then I feel all the anger and hate inside of me surface again and I take it out on him and tell him to ""move on"", ""find someone else"". I hate that I am like this.....he is so patient and never fights back. He just reassures me that he loves me and he is here for me.......and I treat him terrible. What advice does anyone have for me - before I really mess this up? and, what should he do? should he just move on? I have split him this past weekend and haven't heard from him in 6 days - which has never happened. Should I contact him? What should I say? If this were you, what would you want to hear from him? please help - I really hate this.",1.335154061624653,2.9338950924369733,2.662773109243698,96.15771708683478,79.16806722689077,5.7098039215686285,18.47619047619048,6.42735559955562,-0.3011170868347333,864,17,205,7,21,279,127,238,0.121,0.7440000000000001,0.134,0.5101,0,0,0,0,1,0,68.0,2,2,0,2,14,15,5,0,3,0,22,2,0,0,5,44,44,20,0,10,5,0,2,1,0,5,0,3,0,0,14,18,0,0,6,2,0,5,7,8,0,3,3,8,42,7,19,36,4,32,0,1,2,2,38,8,0,3,19,137,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185865006216348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635256458655186,0.0,0.07820434600394477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600159492871984,0.0,0.06817943107376444,0.0,0.1903430365534484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268844188115156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426103080778455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787596462859056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343181310917792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147744609142501,0.10116984543449654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310398231689725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044478793805369,0.1902699220887448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584341881567001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330906818693088,0.0,0.0,0.09890381188401187,0.0,0.0,0.3312701666681597,0.0,0.0,0.1260569946997618,0.0,0.1499341578323083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028880653053887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184272840825596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464162288674878,0.0,0.0987608323624025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018882394233244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183155958677674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23774622267930565,0.0,0.08293135496025171,0.17252290361725006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067683277741614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24554357265951884,0.0,0.0,0.1071162116960667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433010315485773,0.0,0.0,0.1200792455195078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894331636131858,0.0,0.0,0.17825133392265324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476556804525292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409322122316587,0.0,0.19551422321930656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166550466283943,0.0,0.0,0.06521748666404037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925592417501376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228350969172723,0.1319376877169477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286157722207054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945119604773762,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,emobunbun,2018/04/07,"Scheduling ""worry"" time Has anyone tried scheduling time for obsessively thinking about a person (or specifically, losing your favorite person)? Did it work/not work? Someone mentioned to me that there's this thing called scheduling worry time which is used for anxiety, and suggested maybe I try that out. So it'd be like setting a certain amount of time aside at a certain part of the day to do nothing but think about my ex. Had anyone tried that out? I'm worried I'll end up not being able to get out of that space once my time is up. Or that my emotions will build up to the point that I'll feel like I desperately need to talk to him, and end up doing something stupid or essentially harassing my ex by contacting him when he clearly doesn't wish to talk to me :( ## Background info / possibly not necessary to read So I recently got out of a relationship and although I haven't acted as irrational as I have in the past, i still find myself thinking of my ex constantly; which leads to intense emotions.. giving in to my impulses.. ya know the drill, perhaps. I abruptly ended our relationship two times before this third (and final) time. It'd happen when I was feeling incredibly insecure and not thinking clearly. I regretted each time and we worked through it except for most recently. He said he needed space (seems permanently) so I take it he was angry/hurt/fed up. Anyhow. my issue is that I can't stop thinking about him or the situation so it interferes with my friendships and schoolwork, and just life in general. I also have the urge to hook up with someone new, drink, or occasionally self harm. I've already tried those things to temporarily relieve myself of thoughts of self-hate, sadness and anger. But I'm trying to learn to be by myself without losing it, where the scheduling of ""worry"" time thing came up. 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He is almost finished with chemo and will be better by October. He is constantly nasty, short-tempered and cruel to me. I am on meds and can usually deal with this fine, but am having a difficult week emotionally and I can’t deal with it right now. He has this medication which he has told me in the past doesn’t work if he eats dairy. Fair enough. But now he is attacking me for mentioning hedgehog bread. MENTIONING IT. Over text. And suddenly it’s “if I have cheese I could die” which I’m 90% sure is bullshit because he’s eaten a tiny bit of cheese after taking this medication in the past and said “oh, I’ll be fine”. He is also constantly cruel to me when we used to be really close, calls me names, acts like I’m a horrible person because I have a boyfriend, and all this is excused by everyone because he has cancer. This isn’t even really the thing. The thing is, he is going to be better soon. He hasn’t suffered overtly from his treatment. He has only been nauseous minimally, never lost his hair, has never not been able to do his daily activities. He will be cured. I, however, am going to have to deal with BPD for the rest of my life, as we all know there is no cure. He has had a perfect life aside from this one thing. My parents always favoured him. He has a mortgage (courtesy of his ex, which I am also on to help him), a stable job, can afford to buy expensive shit. I’ve been abused and raped for more than half my life and I have PTSD too. I live with our mother, on minimum wage, have no fucking hope of ever getting a property, my job isn’t stable because of BPD, can’t afford anything but my bus fare to get to work. But he acts like he’s the worse one off. His life will be totally back to normal in a few months while I will be in hell for ever. For fuck’s sake. I know cancer is totally rotten and I’m overreacting and I know this makes no sense and I know this post is probably horrible and I’m just having a BPD episode but I just wanted to share with people who might understand.",2.2022850122850137,4.030566421052634,3.918816759343077,87.08833893702317,77.37320574162679,7.198344756239492,23.49825423509634,8.098718942377014,1.2718506918401655,1596,51,335,28,37,535,197,418,0.197,0.6970000000000001,0.105,-0.9953,8,0,0,0,1,0,50.0,3,0,0,6,14,23,8,0,16,0,56,17,2,2,10,56,80,25,1,6,10,4,1,2,0,5,9,1,0,1,18,22,3,0,5,0,3,4,12,12,0,3,8,3,35,11,46,59,9,38,1,2,0,3,46,13,4,5,22,223,53,5,0.08895975466225442,0.1054027624680388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908034408431062,0.0,0.0,0.1422821673262615,0.07402164229635823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320629822470097,0.0,0.0,0.10120456357547764,0.0,0.06840456017732709,0.0,0.21691616299007932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735534752196426,0.0971210117167272,0.0,0.3361250904397945,0.0,0.09083785580700234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922677825161288,0.0,0.07102712537669154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751408025411961,0.0,0.0,0.09232618040547204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910280378465846,0.0,0.10006775033940564,0.0,0.09191920700748428,0.0,0.05875707895499095,0.16093838226816035,0.0,0.0850048578663178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644837194137304,0.0929556002651158,0.0,0.10111575730581976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962784835896099,0.0,0.0,0.08835710893760539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655765957391722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955598186552103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25133962228180096,0.0869224851944047,0.0,0.07855309318502933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711008089610668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05938132702087075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988142328886394,0.17923518756272402,0.0,0.09437224150319426,0.0,0.0,0.07100682744584577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722249398089212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716167162466558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056286411138012,0.06765790210071748,0.0,0.0,0.09877927987525216,0.0,0.16984430366235587,0.06167349280509246,0.07767622643338461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519885421896989,0.0,0.09591366167853492,0.0,0.10398919264677617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139797935626915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597114441372384,0.08462109826264086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091315909774779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384351597372303,0.0,0.06688666432794672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17730272433990546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850048578663178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261024193765864,0.0,0.076832665454673,0.097976601621001,0.0,0.052470768167564734,0.0,0.07135814922037884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952752179937138,0.0,0.09065759004529944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imafckingidiot,2018/04/07,"Left behind my abuser and best friend, how do I move on? Two years ago I decided to call it quits with the person I loved the most, a sufferer of BPD. We were together on and off 6 years and she was my best friend from middle school and onwards. We'd abused each other a lot, unable to handle our own baggage properly, we were just teenagers at the time. I'm moving on into adulthood now and I'm even in a very loving poly triad, but there's holes missing. I'm still in the BPD boyfriend mode to tend to my partner's every need and whim and that if they need something else, something's wrong with me and I'm not doing my job good enough, they're going to leave me, I'm not important enough. If we're not inseparable at the hip, something's wrong. It's bled into my own life now; when I'm looking for ideal relationships and friendships, I look at what I had before with her and other extremely controlling hot-n-cold ex's like her, and when I tell myself the truth, that things aren't going to be the same way again and that I can make new friendships, I get afraid. I keep missing what I had before and I can't focus on what I have now. It's made me lonely. I don't miss HER, the person, anymore, but I miss the excitement that I felt being liked that much, I missed the intense affection I used to receive. I miss having what my brain thinks was a best friend. Laying this out now, I know it's because I'm still hooked on codependency. I hate that my partners being best friends with each other makes me feel alienated, I want to integrate myself more and treasure what a good fucking deal I have with them, but I'm having trouble leaving behind the all-or-nothing mindset of being in a relationship strangled by BPD. I can't stop living for other people and feeling crushed when I don't receive the same thing. This relationship has molded me in a time where I was very vulnerable but now I feel trapped. I've therapist appointments arranged to discuss this soon, but please share any of your thoughts or advice if you have any.",5.0137273755656135,5.530496688725492,5.540294117647061,83.29113122171951,68.63235294117646,8.139668174962294,28.682503770739064,8.012643519586192,1.7459352187028658,1611,53,323,19,26,519,206,408,0.122,0.669,0.21,0.9892,1,3,3,0,2,0,43.0,4,2,2,7,17,33,2,1,19,0,26,6,2,7,1,66,65,28,0,7,13,1,4,2,6,0,1,0,0,4,24,27,0,3,8,0,0,6,8,14,0,1,10,6,52,19,39,50,16,45,0,8,2,3,33,19,1,6,21,220,76,2,0.0,0.19505236373395926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804342691171478,0.07296456294144367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194987523098378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163132050425409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050176590884116266,0.0,0.1400827862944418,0.0,0.3455251853374925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110069976602989,0.09188734036918464,0.08404968748828105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231983294023856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485998949599352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876105869625566,0.0,0.0,0.17010046207088295,0.0,0.05436625600656851,0.0,0.06935135435447237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248581608565906,0.0,0.07903236473237264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543759836403062,0.07609605648886557,0.043004588137615936,0.0,0.09355953777411696,0.13807868970274928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126599358604035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168189340784797,0.0731626288121079,0.0,0.0,0.045236486201737,0.0,0.0,0.17431290608742575,0.08943215697110563,0.0,0.05813935313238516,0.08042690628691916,0.0,0.07268294561539601,0.0,0.1382425872899431,0.0,0.0,0.0699786626579223,0.1485794679468472,0.07788554202957353,0.1098877100170141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496911842395732,0.06050874231333553,0.12206651196029765,0.0,0.07949737863188851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898052049563138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057064730893605975,0.1437432114396444,0.0,0.09035378555910188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754887362726099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651166377255467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330407148212123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901032442283503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146883340090967,0.06881646238425873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719442582315411,0.0,0.0,0.09557049939332056,0.10936878271875093,0.05274216360181306,0.0,0.06534648114584615,0.09599350112767614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040679898112574,0.0,0.0,0.07109108270980467,0.0,0.13583193166110155,0.04854971121427439,0.06533538178615515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999035624549264,0.0,0.10601237339519516 bpd,m0meraths,2018/04/07,"How long have you got to wait for your treatment? How are you doing during your wait? I live in uk, and I’m on a waiting list for DBT. The nurse at the facility told me i will start in just under 12 weeks; which I guess is isn’t an extremely long time. It’s just that my ed symptoms are returning and I just want to know someone else is in the same boat as me. So, how long have you got? Are you doing ok at the moment or is shit hitting the fan? ",2.0069387755102035,2.605298877551025,3.7169387755102052,93.34948979591834,75.53061224489795,6.824489795918367,22.16326530612245,6.868970318607317,0.2806979591836733,342,8,85,3,7,115,64,98,0.037000000000000005,0.892,0.07,0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,0,0,7,2,1,0,7,1,12,2,1,3,0,16,24,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,13,1,12,19,1,15,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,2,8,58,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958269091929596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749724143982319,0.0,0.2582388446221279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883049568459454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699618157098032,0.6223600436426932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24062762997169626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986223714457065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592290245860547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436509922780337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669154449382653,0.0,0.0,0.2239973027143008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382663395469191,0.0,0.18803669993998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,luvdiedwithslowdance,2018/04/07,"Light world vs dark world Hey r/BPD first time poster here. I've had a shit night. 33 yrs old, just got diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago. Last night my SO and I got in a fight. I thought everything was going really well but it turns out I was wrong she had been keeping from me that she feels I pick on her about little things like sneaking beer when she isn't supposed to be drinking, which adds up to resentment on her part. I don't care what she does I just don't want her to be sneaky. Now she turned off her phone and I've lost my shit. I love her. She is bipolar extreme depressive to the point she is applying for disability. I'm reaching out here I could use to talk. Maybe some of you have been through something similar? I feel like my life is like zelda link to the past. Light world and dark world and when I'm in one world I can't imagine the other. Now I'm in the dark world. Much love for this subreddit, you all have helped me through some rough times.",1.0832348111658447,3.209607733990147,1.8982266009852216,98.67062397372743,82.49753694581281,5.640065681444992,19.51888341543514,6.868970318607317,-0.02252643678160915,762,20,180,9,21,236,121,203,0.14,0.75,0.11,-0.6685,0,0,3,0,1,0,19.0,0,2,0,2,11,14,4,0,7,0,18,9,2,2,1,25,36,8,0,2,4,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,8,2,1,5,2,0,1,4,7,1,2,10,5,29,7,23,23,5,32,0,2,0,2,21,17,2,2,17,106,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884746583502175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377200478223795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669617593061004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704623752209412,0.148349025718605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154767237920174,0.13608109054282275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732802867380505,0.0,0.0,0.1313403219820522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204960059522332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558249291084973,0.09578164971622412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404227258093265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619667356928722,0.0,0.21446056459311572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986618541174117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917008308712185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092872431251294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946995980859458,0.19650362337170732,0.13437618828144074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463563213386889,0.0,0.24201191001130185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469416875071713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985589496448506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516365192948049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068687158298554,0.0,0.0908512129666306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518779924293124,0.12798767777234032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674215148757673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589048190900796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752476470209199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032158073853261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776265448697818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907202444298974,0.0,0.0,0.10643884335540407,0.15635787957520358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29166545733314425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579586970607632,0.0,0.0,0.07907962320653192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054756708012845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658758205463962,0.0,0.08633850061766529 bpd,oldschoolangel2907,2018/04/07,"Abandoned by entire group of friends To cut a long story short, my best friend “Sally” (name changed for privacy) and I argued, because I stuck up for myself and she didn’t seem to like that. I shut my mouth and kept quiet and now, there’s at least 10 people from my area that hate me and that number is growing. I feel so alone even though rationally I know i’m not, but I’ve done everything I can to explain to people how awful Sally was to me but they’re siding with her without even LISTENING to me and saying it’s all my fault i’m being alienated. I’ve never felt this low in my life",3.9870121951219515,4.407917731707322,5.180233739837399,85.30742378048781,70.869918699187,7.776016260162603,25.131097560975608,7.6454224807358475,1.1422853658536587,463,12,98,5,8,154,88,123,0.171,0.742,0.08800000000000001,-0.8862,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,7,10,3,0,1,1,6,2,1,1,2,22,17,11,0,0,4,0,2,1,2,0,1,3,0,0,5,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,5,17,4,16,10,3,12,0,2,0,0,10,8,0,1,4,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345370783647447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804368520645816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376485183389119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23955731381164594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23174010604316603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299140224466712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035214110446195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450147269238944,0.0,0.21743045284671264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34991414911810464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235755167681712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445268104206025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159950495250858,0.1106335278859621,0.0,0.0,0.20040383449379395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465456240077154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139880812573037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800845646792864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20615436336835796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22248898441168866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21829267151895634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mikhaelovick,2018/04/07,"Question for a bpd Hello All, I wanted to post this because I actually never talked to anyone who has BPD except my ex-girlfriend. I now hate labeling people as BPD etc etc. I truly believe that you are all wonderful people in you unique way. I wish I had done my due diligence of getting to know this disorder before. I love you all please hang in there. My question is : If you decided to part your ways with a non-bpd, would it hurt to know that your ex still cares about you and wishes you the best in your life. I never wanted to leave her, I did all I could. She couldn’t take it that I cared too much I think. Let me me know if this is the wrong sub to ask this question ",1.9822340425531912,3.574191851063833,3.3868262411347523,91.70875,77.29787234042553,6.118439716312058,20.96985815602837,6.816661863887847,0.28137304964539034,525,13,116,5,12,172,86,141,0.08800000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.188,0.922,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,9,0,1,5,7,1,0,4,0,11,2,0,0,6,27,27,4,0,9,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,28,4,16,20,9,12,0,1,0,1,20,3,0,6,5,87,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.10544164912808204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555138435351083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101258155580352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586654917870992,0.0,0.09194297151298056,0.12173585207860085,0.11339227721287452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5443430185369474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203292623826137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626948922861431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383517251562418,0.0,0.0,0.1105731208822984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241009618948244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056451898575937576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667744597184438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567023752052275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781450985755558,0.0,0.0,0.11440982138272154,0.0,0.11048890198717487,0.07631922565558084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751974636010516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942951047686338,0.0,0.16667033057616878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700810390770702,0.0,0.1498171492939499,0.0,0.0,0.11860694310133205,0.0,0.0,0.1034824596568246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631236850991468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862892259925318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124048857637327,0.08684685586069707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923436310556691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746190544082794,0.17153082988305815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485053615940977,0.0,0.11717609989283605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675593693534602,0.1181362009897941,0.0,0.0 bpd,harderthaneasy,2018/04/07,"Any advice about FP, please I don't know how to deal with my FP. He's lovely and knows everything about me. But I don't know how to deal with him! He knows about BPD and my dependence emocional. He try helps me, but I'm so tired. I think is sad I to like him with so intensite because obviously he don't like me the same way. I don't think he is guilty for that, I really understand, but I feel a huge emptiness inside me because of this. Should I cut off my contact with him?",1.2757843137254916,2.8597793235294127,3.0594117647058816,93.31401960784315,79.29411764705881,6.886274509803924,21.13725490196079,7.793537801064563,0.6085607843137257,369,10,88,6,9,123,57,102,0.17800000000000002,0.684,0.138,-0.8153,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,2,0,7,2,0,3,1,23,17,9,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,1,18,3,13,16,1,3,0,1,0,1,13,2,0,1,2,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011112437252418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995513908255894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509148577927697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25920545555700897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243539033143735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849651645914458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406169863802472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379474252655096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524223867088788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010928343089461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574795245112016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22591318835270996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318445951597437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637443526284119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365437245776325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972876623071895,0.0,0.0,0.21425130673184895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335922529662078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Shep_The_Sheepdog,2018/04/07,"Anyone else experience long-term loss of appetite in conjunction with decrease in mood? I've been in a pretty consistent low for a while now, and I've found with it has come a sharp decrease in appetite. I went from eating 3-4 full sized meals + snacks every day, down to 2 full meals a day, down to my current 1 meal a day. Occasionally I'll have one of those small, single-serving bags of chips as well. When it started, I didn't pay much attention to it, as I was too depressed to care. I ate when I was hungry, I just wasn't hungry as often. Now, I'm down to one meal a day, and sometimes, I get a little hungry, but if I've eaten for the day, I will deny myself more food. I feel like I'm punishing myself for something, but I don't know what. Does anyone else deal with this? Or is this just something I'm going through alone?",3.3065517241379285,3.988485574712648,4.7132758620689685,87.09681034482759,72.5632183908046,7.179310344827586,24.84482758620689,7.1686216300943375,0.9085379310344824,646,18,141,6,12,216,103,174,0.104,0.828,0.067,-0.7812,1,1,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,1,0,8,0,10,9,0,0,0,17,24,12,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,6,9,0,4,0,1,3,3,4,1,2,9,2,13,3,26,14,4,27,0,3,0,0,1,12,0,3,13,86,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837152339376653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21384034153399809,0.313354425816226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590476971730882,0.0,0.0,0.13172081964422072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4930804628240737,0.1576463612004601,0.13170355284585766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381500372812768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564679480599742,0.2554780117258379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288356117322219,0.0,0.0,0.14957803993091415,0.0,0.0,0.0773172957877577,0.10924092016833073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490273984031924,0.16766096999188154,0.0,0.0,0.07989061600272415,0.0,0.08690385641859458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403686455246792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470546009990857,0.15325877660354134,0.0,0.1353229978987632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124084872407864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723531349246746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555672698027673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354394564740997,0.1512346488122387,0.0,0.10823245230852237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748695278168924,0.14175167848637218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fenrirjay,2018/04/07,"How to utilize BPD symptoms in a beneficial way. How might some of you utilize having BPD? Perhaps it's a career choice, or choices you make in your life.",2.724,5.15186206666667,4.043333333333333,83.885,78.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,30.0,6.42735559955562,1.6380000000000008,122,6,22,1,3,40,24,30,0.0,0.9,0.1,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,0,6,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,16,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7916145893409693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219755206507262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097751379225057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333867895951628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266429263570645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24944989250004726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Rommance,2018/04/08,"I'm Terrible I've been lurking around here for a while, and even though I'm a bit nervous to post..here I am. I'm a terrible person. There's no other way to put it. I'm a pretty shitty person. Today my boyfriend of a year and half exploded on me because of an argument I started. He told me I don't deserve shit, and honestly he's completely right. Does anyone else feel like they don't deserve to be loved? I'm just honestly so done feeling so many different emotions and not being able to control them. Any advice on how you all personally deal with the exhaustion?",2.6415517241379334,4.458335224137934,4.701241379310347,82.01789655172416,76.06896551724137,8.088275862068969,28.84137931034483,8.841846274778883,2.488140689655173,450,20,88,10,10,155,81,116,0.17,0.665,0.165,0.2645,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,2,1,9,9,1,1,7,0,7,3,1,2,1,13,17,9,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,2,9,4,11,12,2,10,0,0,0,1,11,4,1,0,5,53,11,0,0.17005305496789655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661738771945312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156419087458991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189050499640224,0.17423945075490865,0.0,0.15138327226272738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366276393303836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565389266984955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782973927390764,0.0,0.19072896105125745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753172326673151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766924849369942,0.0,0.0,0.14881457436972118,0.17402331639177454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205750669426506,0.19128679832343248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231843899773744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196786822873242,0.1214859364472723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830793329457215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534795214230678,0.0,0.0,0.1724071068550604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454513050375936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286381965313218,0.17300509207916395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709502892116823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452243797884771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455701719648206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036442756454765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167076263099439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611904123277544,0.16249298148539704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498019971534428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950859199091227 bpd,PM_ME_UR_LEFT_HAND,2018/04/08,"How to differentiate between a true wrong or an imagined slight? I'm not sure if I am in the right place for this so please redirect me if not! I really have a lot of trouble figuring out if I'm ""allowed"" to be angry at something. I try my best to differentiate between petty anger, justified anger, and splitting. Not simply for myself, but for my partner as well, as i want to have as healthy a relationship as is possible with BPD. Recently, though, I have noticed myself growing angrier and angrier at him, and I do not entirely understand why. I feel that sometimes he doesn't take my emotions seriously, and that because I have done bad things in the past, he treats our relationship as if he can do no wrong. In example: I was raped about 3 years ago now, and because of public school being the way it is, this is now public knowledge. His friends make jokes about it, and call me a liar. My boyfriend defends me, but remains friends with them so as not to cause ""drama"" or alienate himself from the rest of his friends. And I understand that, but it hurts my feelings. Am I allowed to be hurt or is it irrational? I simply don't know and its driving me absolutely insane. In another example, I told him he was allowed to get angry with me about talking about my ex a few months ago, because I know it really hurt him. But i feel he took it too far, telling me that i ""fucked this up for myself, made him a worse person, just had to open my fucking mouth"" among other things. He says i should have thought of that before i encouraged him to vent his anger. Now I am hurt and I don't know if I am allowed to be. Please help? I never know if I am playing the victim card, giving too much slack, not trusting my emotions enough, or trusting them too much. How do I figure out what is real, what is fake, and if I'm irrationally angry?",5.028825008983112,5.5037671873278295,5.940974967061923,80.57928853754944,68.58677685950414,8.957671577434422,32.31153431548688,8.964715089967882,2.610629033417176,1431,60,286,24,23,473,171,363,0.258,0.632,0.109,-0.9972,6,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,1,0,2,1,17,31,8,0,12,0,32,4,1,9,3,68,55,36,0,9,22,1,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,20,16,0,0,14,3,0,3,11,18,1,0,8,4,53,13,44,42,7,28,0,4,0,3,36,14,2,12,10,214,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141843639262153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138714693020737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073151514762866,0.17682267403774218,0.0,0.08227546093637936,0.0,0.10146944046721204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217767710262239,0.0,0.09873057157960516,0.0,0.0,0.09932653107535623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894670944456817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21752486559536688,0.0,0.09990587917744967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666702466286094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22410570769016927,0.1787753738679195,0.05051616126430364,0.09275317361392096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480879032470985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140315220191856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21255161190566646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08220177336835856,0.0,0.09148974032103713,0.06454084925102432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717646566512562,0.0,0.1421555009348872,0.0,0.07457273811645851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008139303390857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923008641669841,0.0,0.08442535510975506,0.10101972466933053,0.21227160169691295,0.0,0.10900264220276444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005357551722764,0.12388326504402652,0.0,0.09546900530388244,0.20761621655092136,0.0,0.08257212199570088,0.0,0.07689120110031282,0.0,0.0978547194894076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443613622168133,0.09562817625400301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112850784277672,0.0,0.07269830998853576,0.07771518561160888,0.08451069777101959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847213063455448,0.0,0.09499673263763757,0.0767604928352034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239075636060644,0.1074253544751448,0.06564567838469985,0.0,0.0,0.20131391344280775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057029846052412826,0.07674745476023599,0.0,0.0,0.08693528008622049,0.0,0.08724704161459652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853464289402528,0.0,0.21142911154086053,0.0,0.0622647301411888 bpd,gimmethatcervix,2018/04/08,"thanks guys : ) it helps a lot to be able to relate with other people, so thank you. ",4.247647058823528,3.902930235294118,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,70.17647058823529,6.8000000000000025,17.0,3.1291,-0.725541176470589,62,0,14,0,1,20,16,17,0.0,0.598,0.402,0.8290000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,0.3773290932833024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736151259460073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529157374718733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32079170169339644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615924831190409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6947878666655584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Libellule3,2018/04/08,"Where can I get help for possible BPD in a friend? Hello! I’m a psychology student and have met many people and friends with diagnosed BPD. One of the most interesting things about all personality disorders is that they’re different in everyone and it’s extremely important not to stereotype. I’m quite familiar with BPD. I have a friend who has always matched 5/9 symptoms of BPD and her mood swings only last for a few minutes or hours, not a few months or weeks like bipolar disorder. She is 20. These symptoms didn’t begin to show until she turned 19 or was almost 19. But even before that, they were still there but more subtle. I would get into why I believe she has BPD in this post but that would take me a really long time. I don’t want to post a big thing and make it complicated to get help. As of lately, some things have happened in our friend group and her life that has caused a great deal of stress. She has isolated herself and everyone believes that she’s trying to manipulate them. However, I do know that with BPD they don’t mean to manipulate or try and get attention. She just wants help and to be understood. Her favourite person has “turned on her” (she really hasn’t but my friend can only see it that way) and it has caused this downwards spiral. I would really love to talk to someone about this in more detail but I don’t know how or where so I came this sub reddit. But more importantly, I want her to get help and seek someone professional. I have never vocalized to anyone that I speculate BPD. This is the first time I’m saying anything. She has cut me off and refuses to talk to anyone so it’s hard to reach her right now. I don’t believe in self diagnosis and only a doctor can diagnose someone. But I genuinely do believe it’s possible she has BPD. If I could please be guided in the right direction that would be great. I fear she may possibly do something reckless so this is important. ***TL;DR*** my friend may have BPD, where can I get her help or guide her in the right direction? My friends and I are all very worried for her. ",2.7311380573449533,5.021296034482758,3.961133004926108,85.20504294556021,77.57142857142857,7.710900593659216,24.449665277251484,8.617729084823388,1.7846589112037394,1634,57,325,36,39,533,185,406,0.056,0.7659999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.9943,2,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,3,2,14,16,1,2,13,0,43,8,0,6,3,64,69,34,0,9,17,0,1,1,7,6,7,1,0,3,26,19,0,1,5,1,0,1,9,3,0,2,6,3,47,12,39,53,9,37,0,0,1,1,49,19,0,12,15,222,73,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525645731083758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045915558136547366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771685935466499,0.0,0.04540980094227191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469555247654883,0.24868331849890454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6254942738010528,0.0,0.0,0.06311311367527686,0.0,0.11337352198817535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044058061984741576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568898641122518,0.0,0.1120164381461696,0.0,0.05765308549509659,0.1264859165243529,0.056480762959085384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03644696322583919,0.0,0.0,0.10545687375114847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209470418941385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693748823460034,0.0,0.0,0.2984324727137884,0.0,0.17298082570240006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167594065748495,0.0,0.0,0.04879695598443242,0.0,0.04943192481572205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849355035194756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434281546569762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065278980629789,0.044980414475143705,0.062247311287050563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03897643540754587,0.026958969691173843,0.0,0.0,0.048834028918269164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980359879590771,0.0,0.036834183739615084,0.0559455378786585,0.0,0.060109000223799586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044045471196495226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04255949479475179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037392518083100436,0.1259044074514608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825601211384469,0.09636498677914793,0.0,0.06057288732904601,0.0,0.1866270771577936,0.10569754527726276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869248338842576,0.0,0.0,0.10605234513913726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137449763932042,0.0,0.043882667522284965,0.0,0.0,0.0439726352801785,0.0,0.057566501672187284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026571366633453,0.04248153456724018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406814160357124,0.0,0.06321040028046528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470973811135185,0.04148973772040536,0.08870584937742693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998072043043128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435373451313728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492944413945209,0.12004359139983235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553064512616735,0.09764271089614752,0.04380062988002071,0.0442633957772364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049792861402716784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603965004702962,0.0,0.15679786016735686,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DadHunter22,2018/04/08,"DBT - pros and cons Hi, people! A bit of background first: I'm a 30 something GWM living with BPD for possibly more than 20 years - had lots of symptoms, but only recently learned what actually was my affliction about. I never physically hurt myself, but had daily suicide ideation feelings for years long (21 to 26 of age, at least), coupled with an unbearable feeling of worthlessness, fear of abandonment, dissociation, episodes of sheer anger motivated cruelty... Having had a long and windy path with mental care and multitude of diagnoses (bipolar type II, dysthymia, drug induced paranoia, major depression... list goes on), about 8 years ago I moved to France and found the greatest ever professionals (the most kick ass psychologist and a very accepting/loving GP) that were able to fix myself to become a functional individual. I'd say I'm in almost full remission now, and also became very capable of analysing myself, my needs and my shortcomings - improving myself. Still, in France, they have a different cultural understanding of BPD (honestly, if I understood well, they don't recognise it at all - which would explain why I never got the diagnosis there). But now I moved to another European country and here they seem to ""have it"", thus, I've been ""retroactively"" diagnosed with it. Which leads me to the my questioning now: I still have some rough ends I could fix (bouts of -mild- anger, improving some social skills, residual impulsiveness, improving my self-esteem, residual disregard for the feelings of other people, and A LOT of splitting). DBT is offered here and I could potentially enter a group, BUT I also read some people having very negative experiences with it. I'm also not very into groups, and knowing myself, I'd probably be quite nasty to my colleagues. Also, I'm a survivor of child abuse and I've seem people saying DBT triggered them for WORSE. I know I'm mostly balanced now, but I can still be triggered. So, given the above scenario, do you guys think DBT would still be useful to me? Or should I try and keep fixing myself with what I already have, occasionally boarding a flight back to France to have a debrief session with my former psychologist? Thank you very much for your attention, if you read this far :) (And for everyone else: It does get better, I promise)",9.07347962382445,9.156650615763553,8.72599193909539,65.37112404836546,60.083743842364534,12.11088222122705,38.65158978952083,11.567385478589935,4.798235467980296,1834,82,288,48,22,589,235,406,0.131,0.748,0.121,-0.8553,1,0,2,0,1,3,83.0,0,4,4,6,21,13,2,1,18,0,25,6,1,7,4,74,50,27,1,8,9,0,4,0,0,3,5,2,0,2,12,22,0,3,17,2,3,4,5,7,1,1,10,6,37,6,46,32,15,35,0,4,0,1,20,8,1,14,23,197,49,8,0.08472679341445022,0.10038739556833637,0.08268112838561846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510519023972458,0.0,0.08484164484462013,0.0,0.09349812339803054,0.27102394433035404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884343036025845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514967426287015,0.0,0.0,0.09357408668017407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493396352524641,0.09249971436147628,0.0,0.2134208606069774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638461263080617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352949005190229,0.09374858538372284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297506301647941,0.17199182366135335,0.0,0.08852146593936898,0.0,0.0,0.07414498788077059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982561813841346,0.0,0.07077836399310265,0.0,0.07504279072057263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664023534383634,0.0,0.08096008199447177,0.0,0.0828790617563302,0.0,0.09534119804196578,0.12852123751693134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206856719562887,0.0,0.09289855578065706,0.0,0.0,0.044266252589612816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776375663341358,0.0,0.0,0.08389284620779061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070178471139097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530906694776669,0.0,0.0,0.0931272597270192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748153108517731,0.14996109195017435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440633798043216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538467980727876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18010234551606025,0.06228394194941805,0.06282384374751368,0.13069305264471204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443854432722325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349555618215653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955167291401526,0.0,0.0,0.09134981351414123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491339926177664,0.09011737402341444,0.16949944337606315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365748698025106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13475629361529956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426418121739754,0.08838852375830883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636829598934119,0.0,0.0652268249470518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706517066673629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267736028037456,0.0,0.0,0.08806357966740211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800504797232971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428950810200619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057523931115625065,0.0,0.0,0.08820357999529818,0.0,0.07317674602605152,0.0,0.3495423893727517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617956255842237,0.0,0.07645275264684996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863438409017904,0.12037496622232915,0.0,0.0,0.16368383124560065 bpd,PTmetotheexit,2018/04/08,"Suspecting I am I’m 44 year old male. i lost a great job with benefits and retirement a few years back and returned to my original dangerous trade (pipeline construction). Supportive wife was driven to the brink trying to help me the best she could filed for divorce. Have two great sons I haven’t spoken with since Xmas. The time spent alone has allowed real time for reflection. I have hurt and pushed away the ones I love. I knew I was difficult at times but now I see there is something really wrong. I’ve had opportunities offered through former job to get counseling. I refused as I thought it would effect promotions and felt it wasn’t necessary. Now I’m a complete wreck. I don’t really want help now, though I think I clearly need it, because I don’t want to feel good about what has happened. Riddled with regrets. Guilty as charged. I don’t feel good at all. Tough guy in tears. I can’t believe I let this happen so unconsciously. I had everything, lost it all. I feel sick. On top of that I’m on thin ice where I’m working now. Breaking down at work. I just keep working. This the fucking worst. Can’t keep it up much longer.",1.6874771632619172,4.320852901345294,2.7118285999003504,90.330775618668,85.00896860986549,6.353031057963793,24.402757017106794,7.662118739084242,1.4207463544261754,899,36,181,17,27,285,140,223,0.198,0.633,0.16899999999999998,-0.8442,3,1,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,11,12,19,2,0,8,0,20,3,0,3,3,34,47,9,0,6,2,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,7,0,3,10,0,2,2,7,10,0,2,12,6,23,9,24,32,6,30,0,4,1,2,11,13,1,0,14,107,32,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804313216324678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615421608904845,0.09506364353041044,0.0,0.07536354572347705,0.0,0.0,0.13928838794058962,0.12974179116679554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962343661556164,0.0,0.0,0.0987082924047157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111044408897146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875327428361347,0.0,0.11870394397456248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114293708112209,0.06459143969971205,0.0,0.0,0.2073895308847111,0.0,0.27260446301967106,0.0,0.12241288566494217,0.21865075233856315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573282559487776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234820015500476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24536689321279495,0.2197755975277508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641979154327268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699129440956968,0.0,0.11158067266908267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908820883932292,0.09166989021505413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972862175423766,0.0,0.0837747155100369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071771704042418,0.15840076212499174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851690123240077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226780351589104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517621853899112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029357077825605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921694934078524,0.12146559782580932,0.09814820881468587,0.2162684974383852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393648232191107,0.0,0.1207682978201444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458400547541709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27001178271871,0.0,0.0,0.08782302450793991,0.13516971962104848,0.0,0.159227006236333 bpd,ImLemonading,2018/04/08,"Always bailing on everything Not hyperbole at all. Any tension or frustration in my life always has me running away in the opposite direction. I quit jobs, friendships, relationships, hobbies, and whatever else I can walk away from the moment I am conflicted in any way. I just had a situation at a new job that while appearing to be resolved now, still makes me want to give them two weeks and be done with the place for good. This job is a really rare opportunity that didn't exactly exist in my industry until recently and I definitely can't afford mess this one up.",7.665220125786162,7.8188976603773614,8.554716981132078,65.19578616352203,62.96226415094339,13.104402515723276,37.477987421383645,12.45797560212912,5.1629232704402535,456,21,78,16,6,155,81,106,0.05,0.8,0.151,0.8397,4,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,3,3,6,1,1,6,0,10,1,0,1,2,14,14,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,3,0,10,3,16,9,1,23,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,2,8,58,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907365721169334,0.0,0.0,0.2376103416511776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282815887942312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878354011770356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459433395115755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701329811909956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759264485837932,0.0,0.14653399375087844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5201023018375527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339907956718413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661672809610152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16873086511371238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838441011618442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252920283535606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581992816720766,0.0,0.0,0.11192028926600492,0.0,0.1724997914084844,0.1875674410456868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637537610427444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395193802423561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066108325322296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304534457843696,0.13867244028711392,0.14013755337850872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inaudibleelf,2018/04/08,"Does anyone overeat? I suffer from BPD obviously and my main behaviour issue was cutting myself but I realised the bad stereotype behind cutting so I've completely stopped. Now my main issue is overeating. When I feel the need to engage in risky behaviour I will literally go to the cupboard and eat whatever I can even if I'm not hungry. I've read up about Binge Eating Disorder but unfortunately my doctor sucks and I have NO support whatsoever. Am I alone in this or anyone on the same wavelength?? ",4.893790322580646,7.259856376344088,6.072782258064518,72.22917338709678,71.25806451612901,8.520967741935483,32.05510752688172,9.188382445141503,3.305581720430109,405,19,65,9,8,135,68,93,0.317,0.623,0.06,-0.9788,0,1,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,4,0,6,4,0,0,1,13,12,9,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,11,2,10,10,3,9,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,2,3,48,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768891683908534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939333494273147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754962158088351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26472143436724577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203756268460056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408909336731121,0.215133891545376,0.183934855169429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301447306094512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882562173365096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627616639840078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194533333234822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.438758365103476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558499762582424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024250229030444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757245923804441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385161542539363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,screediius,2018/04/08,"Can't get over my ex My ex broke up with me because he thought I was getting too close to another guy I was seeing (we were in an open relationship). We had been in an open relationship at his request, and I only pursued someone else after getting tired of him saying that he was getting tired of his entire life, which I took offense to. He's told me since breaking up with me that he misses me, but doesn't want anything to do with me until more time passes. He wants us to have grown as people, and wants to have a loving a respectful relationship. I know that he has a good point with all of that, but I miss him so much. I think about him all the time, and he's blocked me from speaking to him on most platforms. During the few days over which our breakup occurred, I stayed with the other guy to give my ex time to pack his things (as he had made it seem like he was already done). I didn't have my phone charger during this time, and missed any attempts that my ex made to talk to me about it. When I went back home, he was already gone. We spent 15 minutes saying goodbye over coffee right before he got on a plane and left. I've been dating the new guy since then, and feel so guilty for still being so obsessed with my ex (my FP of over six years). I don't know if I should tell the new boyfriend, or keep it to myself. I think that I made a horrible decision in being so passive while it was all happening, but it felt like it couldn't really be happening. I don't think that I could bear the idea of never seeing my ex again. I don't know what the point of this post is. I just don't really have anyone to talk to.",5.5245620915032685,4.492021364705884,5.971372549019607,85.89395424836606,67.70588235294117,8.849673202614381,28.88888888888889,7.594959193182576,1.4652222222222226,1264,34,285,11,18,409,167,340,0.08800000000000001,0.845,0.067,-0.3004,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,5,0,0,1,12,11,1,1,14,0,32,4,0,3,4,52,68,21,0,7,6,6,2,2,0,1,3,3,1,3,20,18,0,2,12,0,1,5,9,6,0,1,24,7,46,5,45,38,7,46,0,4,2,1,46,20,0,4,20,189,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017782254748693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647598123821627,0.09985718462645501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066587181156631,0.0,0.07836635352960583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322615780188232,0.0,0.05805145570600115,0.0,0.08103389967770065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760335784275914,0.0,0.0,0.06141561104389093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745357407076444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955262569396725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04815125849714115,0.0,0.09143594133762087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901542926192786,0.09135350054411473,0.0,0.07987458691378772,0.07616430308562051,0.0,0.0,0.2828786573854814,0.16842353080146866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552367112559516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750332226765667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464499143892942,0.0,0.0,0.15700810848828864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034679081942918,0.0,0.06726391776864654,0.09304934643066322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594898786824515,0.27032739850998616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000516600143072,0.0,0.0734474132438263,0.18394787182933814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242687041519158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602064108930321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800466702666378,0.0,0.09120422275071834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220138296045068,0.0,0.0,0.30672483882759083,0.0,0.0813260840331056,0.0,0.15146177985872855,0.0,0.0,0.1517723051186967,0.0866940119410635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755083731691685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068825288203291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015027393454806,0.07605097341625594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15308488053697267,0.08323540612145305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326672392191811,0.18305903132641105,0.0,0.07560215409098213,0.22211801880471294,0.21890624844849912,0.0,0.09099655227530754,0.10580427381758033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145502243173309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685077459688542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827936419216684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613251367819348 bpd,twonumbernines,2018/04/08,"I fixed every part of my life...except inflammatory emotions In the past I struggled with severe depression and did not want to get out of bed, eat, and saw no future for myself. Since then I have changed bad behaviors of mine, quit self harm, focused on lifestyle goals, etc. and am much, much better many months later. My only problem is that I have never been able to control my emotions and when I react to something explosively it triggers a multitude of negative feelings at once, I panic, and feel like the world is crashing down. Eventually for very short, intense periods of time I actually return to bad behaviors. Showing these emotions is a problem for me because it not only sets me back in multiple aspects of my life, can damage relationships, etc. but is ultimately important in the industry where I work, where my image is at the very forefront of my job, connections with others are very important, and I cannot afford to be affected by my emotions in such a way. I truly want to enjoy life and be functional and do not want to be brought down by storms of panic, anger, and overwhelmingness. I imagine that a lot of people with BPD feel the same way. How are these emotions to be regulated or healthily concealed? It is a struggle to live like this at all and I don't want to set myself back and fall back into a depression like I had before, but try to be a better person than I am now. 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My psychiatrist and my Therapist think that I have BPD, and so do i. But sometimes when I experience my symptoms, which happens on the daily basis, I tend to always think that It's because of BPD, everything is BPD, For however I act in a rude way or whatever or when I push someone away I always say to my loved ones, its because of my BPD don't leave I was just having my symptoms and they eventually leave because I turn into this needy, scary person where I would actually be angry at someone I barely know just because they answered late I would tell them how I hate that and I want them to be always with me and etc. Although I am not trying to fake my BPD or anything of that sort, I have full respect to those who are suffering with me, But I sometimes have no excuse regarding my behavior because sometimes I am aware of it sometimes I am not. Sometimes I am emotionally abusive and I am aware of it but it just feels good to have power and you feel like you own something and that something won't leave. whether it is a person whos weak or an item.",5.715083160083162,5.694667563063067,6.4312612612612625,79.36949064449065,67.06306306306307,9.173111573111573,33.29313929313929,8.841846274778883,2.6683696465696465,877,36,173,13,13,289,116,222,0.102,0.802,0.095,-0.5389,2,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,6,1,9,10,2,0,4,0,21,4,0,1,0,36,34,21,0,3,13,0,3,2,0,3,3,1,0,2,15,11,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,1,4,39,5,20,28,4,14,0,1,0,1,16,8,0,5,5,132,54,0,0.0,0.09673173471073727,0.07967025074515137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037966092483281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718393382881377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670480323795224,0.0,0.0,0.24883926475824064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6169470764659317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183561087278766,0.0,0.0,0.09105176622510804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674809126157254,0.07986097626599682,0.0,0.0,0.12384106771373116,0.1166492960713768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847695114195189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219523965923873,0.0,0.0,0.08060400173659324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044867990305215766,0.0,0.09209507982312562,0.25933943273773624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797717496329638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368457065457569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532234029788844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14257228089185442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492453544989105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834902348342956,0.12570311025763928,0.40372726855389096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697133943527048,0.0,0.0,0.07135820113112093,0.0,0.0,0.0947919832040244,0.0,0.10462505308696524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542916630811028,0.08880242297728062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048154225824892746,0.06480316051727769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159914472579964,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,luminarydays,2018/04/08,"Boredom being a trigger I've been alone in the house since Friday. Yesterday I was 'bored' and didn't have any stimuli to keep my mind occupied. Long story short I ended up doing some weird crazy impulsive shit (eating disorder behaviors, self harm, purposeful dehydration, etc), and when a friend finally did come over around 11PM I completely fucking lost my mind and asked them to go home after 15 minutes. I don't think I've been this depressed in several months, which is odd because I was doing just fine around Thursday. It's longer-lasting than usual, usually my depressive episodes are only a couple hours long, but this has been 24 hours and I keep doing stupid shit, all because I'm so bored. I'm going fucking insane. I was just wondering if this is another thing that happens to anyone else? 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Mostly here to vent and gather support if possible, but feel free to comment. I'm a typical 23 y/o female who goes to school and plays a lot of video games. I'm an awkward, weird person most of the time. I play video games with a group of guys, and I was playing one in particular tonight. I make a lot of ""your mom""/""your momma"" jokes. Even when they aren't relevant. Said friend was texting someone because they weren't responding to my question- he apologized and said oh, sorry. I joked around, asking if he was texting his mom. ""No."" Then I joked, oh, your girlfriend then? ""Uhh, somewhat but not really."" I laughed and asked, your mom's girlfriend then? That's when he got really defensive and freaked out on me. He said I was acting weird and became somewhat aggressive. Said it was annoying when I made ""your mom"" jokes. I awkwardly apologized and said, well, that's just me. ""Wow, so you're not even going to stop and apologize?"" I had no idea a stupid joke that I make all the time would freak him out so much. Apparently he really wanted me to stop, but failed to ask until he blew up about it. So I said if you want me to stop, I'll stop. The whole interaction threw me off. I try really hard to be a nice, honest, and authentic person. But his defensiveness threw me for a loop and I immediately shut down because all I wanted to do was scream. Scream that I try so fucking hard to have good relationships with the few friends I have. He could've just told me earlier. He could've nicely asked me to stop. Instead he threw around the fact that I'm annoying in order to pressure me to stop. It made me feel terrible. And half of my friends aren't even that great of people. I try, really hard. And apparently I've let go a bit too much and become annoying again. It hurts more when I idealize my friendships. And when they dont view me the same way, it crushes me. I haven't had this negative of a reaction in a while. I'm trying to get over it. If you read this, thanks. Have a good day. ",1.7179296653431635,4.0418998048780495,3.238360748723768,88.82782473057289,81.4390243902439,7.033465683494043,22.46171298922292,8.133680483312611,1.265500850822462,1600,53,337,33,43,525,191,410,0.224,0.614,0.162,-0.9804,2,0,0,0,0,0,75.0,0,6,3,3,22,45,8,3,19,0,21,1,0,4,3,64,55,37,0,9,12,4,5,0,5,1,0,8,0,3,16,21,0,8,4,13,1,6,11,21,1,3,23,14,48,25,40,29,15,44,0,2,1,1,58,14,1,11,22,213,64,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307858579243048,0.27469214226542704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955826699437239,0.08112826088433704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019678550637119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729999591813592,0.0,0.0,0.047374140963382515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609187998205067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455543586699299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428484285461621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248308402935381,0.0,0.0,0.17025971567420398,0.06791046207172685,0.038378617583910216,0.0,0.08349541007275636,0.12322567098262632,0.05875083499824413,0.08098737608681751,0.0,0.07273467425589346,0.0,0.0,0.19741101802609656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863798957387813,0.08292480456638718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751154774879331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490222320407253,0.0,0.13901490805135652,0.09806717335413136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441310923676989,0.0,0.0,0.10799972664756743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977684016191563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092632157029798,0.1282808644619911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281252209264355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228943813309078,0.0,0.07347758097262139,0.0,0.2352944253471289,0.0,0.0,0.07886608146585919,0.0,0.0,0.4192505790493379,0.0,0.0,0.07434311642200253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062240472758476516,0.0,0.0,0.08222988362636048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684835699211637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335893002867892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762998290140103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566755385566108,0.0,0.0,0.07019198248457438,0.0,0.1994918318184276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998176807595924,0.058307304891413135,0.0,0.0,0.06604729626074793,0.0,0.0,0.08201290126441547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218224409182239,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hiracheru,2018/04/08,"DAE find that after your diagnosis you are very cautious about people? I got my diagnosis a year ago, after briefly falling madly in love with some guy who was engaged. He said that he had broken up with his fiancée and basically lied to my face. He used me then went ahead and married his fiancée. The signs were all there i was just too delusional to accept it. However when i was confronted with the reality (wedding and all) i broke down, went into some sort of dissociative fugue and found myself in the hospital. Psych services at my uni took me there. I had suicide ideation and stuff so the hospital locked me in. Anyway fast forward its been a year, i still havent gone for my followup with my therapist. Mostly due to scheduling problems. But i have been stable largely because i like my work and i have been (trying to avoid) any romantic interests. I find myself afraid to meet someone new. I really want someone but i am terrified at the same time. Anybody else in the same boat?",3.0421122994652414,5.749021058823536,4.084307486631019,82.43352005347595,79.05347593582889,7.162459893048129,27.53181818181818,8.238735603445708,2.2365018181818184,786,34,141,16,20,254,122,187,0.116,0.809,0.075,-0.8343,1,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,0,2,9,11,2,2,8,0,14,2,1,1,2,31,24,11,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,6,11,0,1,4,0,0,6,1,6,0,0,16,1,27,5,24,8,7,30,0,1,0,1,13,10,0,4,17,103,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189623673153633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419908221067938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133351463607913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256935953325687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338529027427917,0.0,0.0,0.20025149434650105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607109243348573,0.0,0.0,0.18083884810606726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922696809862178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483657097674204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639146884020449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661715234540474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475846397074551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700161795144386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372913391199332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094946258952401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585374404403614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090750959861985,0.1997746868320885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205505207712047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649681130638293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291587048714735,0.1239981942645829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773929551424026,0.0,0.1506942389386733,0.10772373907456688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386117287093745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296154648176128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522383480093456 bpd,clamurtits,2018/04/08,"Meds? I was on anxiety meds up until this past month. My family was pressuring me so much to get off of medicine, saying it is best for me and that stuff is bad for my health. But since being of my meds ive gone back to stress eating a lot and picking my skin. I dont know if its just stress from an upcoming move, or I really just cant cope well without the help of some anxiety medications. :( ",2.851244979919681,3.7378794457831366,4.590542168674698,86.78934738955826,73.81927710843374,8.90682730923695,23.471887550200805,9.2995712137729,1.5621502008032129,306,8,70,7,6,104,63,83,0.235,0.72,0.045,-0.9283,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,3,3,0,8,4,1,1,0,12,11,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,3,2,10,2,13,7,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,4,52,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254018928140458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766377447683888,0.13862480619942869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423408311128302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945812791706671,0.0,0.0,0.16988608456205442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651457198928373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674175199607749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647791387927875,0.0,0.0,0.1112837530963421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124356812181254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114939973070448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5532524985130324,0.1672537657138959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325203989597011,0.17645940275879365,0.12204824058637945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849063880183845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106360530808055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320305686259036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733845368674372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38036452947454025,0.0,0.19006009128066684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927734642175056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004317526515066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,phnx91,2018/04/08,"Is it bad to have a FP? I just learned what an FP was and realized I’ve gone through many throughout the years. As I was scrolling through posts about other BPD sufferers FPs, I see one about how life is better not having one anymore. Is having a “favorite person” a bad thing? My current FP is actually a FWB. We met about a year ago and it’s been strictly sexual (no dating whatsoever).. but he’s also been one of the most helpful people in my life. He threatened to cut contact with me if I didn’t get the help I needed when I was at my lowest, knowing that’s what would get me to go. He would even make me show him that I’ve contacted different offices or booked appointments cause I would avoid it. Whenever I’m feeling down, he’s there. We talk almost every day and I care a lot about him. Now my mind is all F’d up thinking having a FP could potentially be a “bad” thing for us.. simply because I saw 1 post about it. Edit: words",3.2858928571428585,4.336225208333339,4.692946428571427,85.84312500000003,72.95833333333334,7.5690476190476215,27.255952380952376,7.957251820313856,1.559382738095238,728,26,154,10,14,243,123,192,0.126,0.7709999999999999,0.104,-0.6546,3,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,1,12,8,1,1,12,0,20,2,0,3,1,31,34,10,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,11,6,0,1,5,2,0,2,3,6,0,3,9,3,21,2,18,20,3,16,0,1,2,0,16,4,0,5,8,103,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.14020573907215667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735891383343928,0.0,0.14386941436090098,0.0,0.0,0.11489657060515485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248665235690725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598870097419372,0.0875827368416422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706855775677398,0.0,0.0,0.18095319983575456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648588734634194,0.14759344885898434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471252201284066,0.0,0.0,0.09265826730111948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010943607221955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489575535104633,0.0,0.12105209443318295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264622308365369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012815575847827,0.0,0.08165361806684733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260418695475712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895983359645674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029633171889684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214705479401175,0.0,0.0,0.09590394862395343,0.14566355069472686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145070445658637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065329370312023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920729959848478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960591623963706,0.12545116794967598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752012104735874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449009932136887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154802463042962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090211484613526,0.0920609183247382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282292113992134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30618706047902433,0.0,0.0,0.18504353598818266 bpd,PharmacologicalGuy,2018/04/08,Whats your drive in life? What do you seek in life? and how do you try to complete those goals? for instance do you always use people to get what you want? (I know its counterintuitive since the diagnosis for B.P.D is to have “Significant Impairments in Personality Functioning”),4.576599999999999,7.464603460000002,5.3020000000000005,74.861,74.4,8.8,26.0,9.3871,2.5782000000000003,223,8,40,6,5,72,37,50,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,0,5,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,8,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970885935101963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743530638818787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654036633700813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19622163758126945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043804255121066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24752883975431025,0.31175640183559006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953498733117808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424089358305308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083707387115249,0.0,0.0,0.2105933647471682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ThatsNeatMaybe,2018/04/08,"I’m going to lose my best friend... So backstory, the week started with the biggest breakdown I can remember. Long story short, I lived. I want to live and I want recovery. I can see it. This is new and gives me hope. Cheese I know but it’s so honest, for once. My best friend (my person, a rock, a constant) lives on the other side of the country, and when I vanished I left him not knowing what happened. 4 days of radio silence (we talk daily), I honestly tried to get to him sooner. Today he told me he will be “somewhat distant while he mulls over reality”. Earlier he said he was mad at first, but no worries. When pressed he expressed that “There's a lot more instability here then I consider usually...” he doesn’t want to talk about it right now. I can feel my heart stumbling and my stomach turning. 20 something years disappearing. I love him so much, he’s my family. He’s always been the most understanding and supportive. I realize he’s human and my reality is a lot though. He’s dealt with a lot. He recently lost a good friend to suicide. It’s so much. But I don’t want to lose him, especially now. My mind is in overdrive. I don’t know how to fix things. Can I fix things. Why do we hurt the ones we love the most. How do you make someone understand when you can’t even explain. What do I say. He’s going to leave this time, I can feel it. I’d do anything to stop it. How do I stop it. Realistically though, how do I get over the loss. He can’t be replaced. ",0.1266820001703728,2.45902178405316,2.4738205980066468,91.07304284862423,90.29568106312293,5.612096430701083,21.671437090041746,7.116496586553881,0.7632815572024878,1131,42,247,19,39,384,158,301,0.123,0.715,0.162,0.9301,0,0,1,0,0,1,53.0,3,2,0,7,19,18,1,0,14,0,24,4,2,5,0,44,54,24,1,5,4,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,2,15,11,0,2,10,2,0,3,7,6,0,2,5,6,39,12,21,46,11,34,0,5,1,2,38,10,0,7,21,157,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400948625485694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308412666466261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119093389409853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091053719658907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511292381660405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668525398399203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517913743574706,0.0,0.10210007432661793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858792625574882,0.0,0.0,0.2340117977928093,0.0,0.10549822971393896,0.0968531195929658,0.11475944818304365,0.08468315798215142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928144118082781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964190070802315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027925750544783,0.0,0.0,0.10808321417738356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646023434141116,0.0,0.0,0.1069054710492048,0.10969683292581113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674571164923568,0.08934927174310307,0.0,0.2259040334793853,0.11021328024021552,0.2575059551042012,0.18224649414233748,0.0,0.06739373271647119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194406987467493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843916597564466,0.0,0.0,0.09751090611221352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752253321856553,0.06841529018540485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815718855248401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996889985307268,0.0,0.1143716455945258,0.08622203742572844,0.09603914167297496,0.08029000416539568,0.0,0.0,0.08045461384078413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554580787363666,0.07772641865091688,0.0,0.0,0.07146228610728253,0.0,0.0,0.16881954393989096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043737466083484,0.11457186452386195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230082212736271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341509529852262,0.0,0.19839170022131095,0.0,0.05887246496005076,0.0,0.09570132635192012,0.0964746824979298,0.0,0.06854739834368816,0.1098189900218232,0.0,0.21021254340647025,0.0,0.0,0.11119672182120753,0.0,0.23820288987950125,0.0,0.08098660432445416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110360137976706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253304982926068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650170028670933 bpd,DaughterOfDiscord_,2018/04/08,"My post partum therapist is worthless [rant] Had a baby and been going downhill steadily, hes a hard kid. Plus I have a two year old. My pp psych thinks im a guineapig apparently. She is aware I was on medications and extremely stable pre-pregnancy but she wont get me back to my doses or even on my right medications. Why, during this extremely important time, would she fuck with me? Plus when I go in she can't help but stare at my scars. Like, just ASK TO SEE THEM? Ask about them?? Stop making me feel weird. Stop playing around with me. Stop kicking me out after 10 minutes after I drive over an hour to see you. HELP. ME. What the fak is wrong with some people? Why get into the psych field if you don't want to listen to your patient? Ugh. Rant over until after I see her on Wednesday I guess.",0.6750000000000007,3.085874216049387,2.35541975308642,92.60238888888892,87.70370370370371,5.215308641975309,18.59382716049383,6.742157984588678,0.13148049382716032,621,17,132,8,20,203,109,162,0.194,0.725,0.081,-0.9583,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,2,0,6,7,1,0,7,0,12,4,0,1,0,25,28,10,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,10,0,3,2,1,0,3,3,5,0,1,3,7,28,2,25,23,1,29,0,1,4,1,17,11,1,4,15,85,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495832971518384,0.2834556678710929,0.0,0.0,0.11657293277918852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013199408877882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665475819729921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015403005867946,0.15841205488440702,0.0,0.17231834177094854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700719992738447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580602512133913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032318646738623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929788370190186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375667036832212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406530352143027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119581830799317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30544705524384097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908127799094704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510205624286403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451932485200572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946767127719153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624225943319162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802393310202599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602213915847745,0.0,0.0971407340128053,0.0,0.0,0.08840061274696136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809357332428694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941905794896547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27359527721121524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769403688124034,0.16575348949386326,0.0,0.09762701283736153 bpd,ipry_hedgie,2018/04/08,"Stuck in a bitter rut 1. Feel adandoned by FP 2. Feel bitter and split 3. Isolate slef from FP not to expose them to toxic emotions 4. Bitterness grows as FP fails to reach out after knowing I'm having a hard time 5. Repeat 1-4 ad nauseum",0.16366666666666774,2.404171100000003,3.0,88.39666666666666,88.0,4.933333333333334,20.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,0.4289333333333336,185,6,37,2,6,65,41,50,0.292,0.6629999999999999,0.046,-0.9145,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,6,1,0,9,5,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,15,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5822397314549781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5234366735914823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4636754176448475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28446401540705946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3018215944313588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Aleksandra1128,2018/04/08,"My mum is ruining my weekend Hi, I’m new here, but I just needed to rant a bit about my mum and her behaviour. My mum has always been very emotionally unstable, but never with my younger brother. Recently, my father cheated on her, and she had just been having really bad meltdowns ever since them. She seems to still love my father, and goes between convincing herself that she is better off without him and wishing that they were still together. Now, what happened yesterday is why I’m so angry at her. My brother wanted to go swimming. She doesn’t swim, my other brother and I are busy. So my brother called my father, and asked if he could bring him out. He agreed. When my mum found out about it, she just lost it, and got so angry she called me and told me to get back home and bring my brother out instead, but I was busy, and she just wasn’t gonna take no for an answer. She started screaming at me about how my father was ruining our lives, and how he doesn’t care about my brother and therefore, shouldn’t even come near the house. My brother decided he didn’t need to swim after what happened, but my mum got mad at that and forced him to go out swimming with her, and when he refused again, she got even more angry and threatened to leave him and kill herself. So he apologised and said he’ll go swimming, and she decided that she was gonna be angry at that too. She hasn’t talked to anyone since yesterday. I can’t get out of the house right now because she’s still angry, my brother’s sad, and I’m pissed that she ruined my weekend plans. She claims that my father ruined all of our lives, and I don’t disagree, but a lot of the time, she is ruining her own life and her kids’ lives because of her emotional instability. I don’t think that she should be burdening my brother with why she’s not happy with her life and telling him all of her problems. He’s 11, he doesn’t understand this shit. I swear to god, tonight, she’ll forget about everything she has ever done and go back to being the “nice mum” she always was. 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I'm 15 years old and I have epilepsy and adhd. I always have meltdowns and not normal moody teen meltdowns. At one point I thought they were due to the epilepsy but epileptics only have brief rages after seizures and I have it whenever. The epilepsy doesn't help at all. I'll yell at someone when they ask ""what?"" I fucking hate that shit so much. One time when I was in raged my mom said to cut it out. I punded my fists on the desk and tore a huge wound into my right arm using an electric razor. I lied saying it was caused by slipping. But then it all goes away rather fast and I'll be sweet and kind to people and give hugs and then go straight back into a rage. The fan in my room is dented from the time I beat it with a duster. I'm always afraid of being abandoned so I try to avoid forming close relationships at all but I still have a group of people around me as they find me hilarious like a comedian or something. Most people do say I should be a comedian which I think about but I also think about being a neurologist. At age 14 I would constantly bug my then girlfriend begging her to reply to my messages and accuse her of wanting to leave me. I broke up with her just so she couldn't break up with me. I didn't love her because she stopped loving me so the breakup wasn't hard. I still have friends I have a crush on one of them and she's my bestie. I may sound like a horrible person but I'm not I'm multiple sided. I can also predict the future. I rarely get apathetic anymore I see myself as being happy or sad and when I feel nothing I'm really just sad. Other people find my rages funny so they laugh at me and that makes it worse and my brother tries to fight me even when I'm not talking to him. I wouldn't be panicking this much if my grandmother didn't have severe bpd and my father wasn't somewhat borderline as well. I was never abused as a child but maybe neglected a little bit. 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Hey y'all. I'm fairly certain I have BPD, yet am going to the psychologist soon for a professional opinion. I was just wondering if it was possible though to only exhibit BPD symptoms in a relationship. My romantic life fits all the BPD criteria, unfortunately. I'm not a traditionally ""attractive"" guy, but I'm decent. My hobbies and interests are relatively obscure, and I never share them with people outside my close friend group. I struggle with social anxiety, and almost never meet new people. But when I do, women fall in love with me very easily. Precisely because I'm not myself. I find myself naturally manipulating them and projecting their personality onto myself. I get attached just as easily as my partner falls for me, and send a lot of heartfelt emotional messages very soon after meeting someone, saying how we're ""soulmates"" and ""meant to be"" because of how well we click (when really, I find that I can ""click"" with almost anyone. All my romantic relationships have been extremely unstable and short, and all ended in the exact same way. With me blocked on all social media, and thought of as a monster. Inevitably, my partner says something random that triggers my insecurity (I have pretty secure jealosy issues, and constant paranoia that I'm being cheated on, or that they'll ""find someone better"".) The result is that I make a snide passing comment, they respond, and it evolves into me getting more and more angry and emotional. All my relationships have ended with me verbally abusing my partner for seemingly no reason, and regretting it soon after and then being depressed for weeks afterwards. I'm fairly certain this is BPD. I don't do what I do because I like abusing people - I just find that this ""side"" of myself gets more and more worked up, until I find myself impulsively saying things I can't control. I even continue to manipulate them while I do so, saying things like ""I had bought such a nice and special gift for you, but I guess you won't get it now!"" or ""I had just told my family about how much I loved you, and now I guess I'll have to break the news to them that it didn't work out..."" to make myself appear as the victim. I don't even mean to do it most of the time, and feel horrible about it. I also have had a toxic on/off relationship with a girl who has BPD for the last year. Every few months, I contact her, apologize for raging and becoming emotional the last time we talked, and promising to improve and be better. She becomes my life, my angel, my perfection... only to lose it all a few weeks later, we block each other, and the cycle resumes a few months later when I find myself thinking about how much I loved her. However, my family life is fine, and none of my friends have ever really triggered anything in me. No one in my family has BPD, not that I know of. Yet all my romantic relationships are doomed to end in this same way, always as a result of my insecurity about being left behind. Is this possible to just have BPD symptoms in relationships? Sorry if I perhaps went on with too much information - but I've really related to most posts here after discovering this community, and am recently coming to grips with the fact that there's something inherently wrong with the way I treat relationships. I guess I needed to vent. ",6.829588656106285,7.50723783009709,7.746159087037983,68.49294328053145,64.71197411003237,10.582933060807356,33.738886050076644,10.484789902882557,3.7605106796116505,2641,108,439,63,38,890,277,618,0.135,0.72,0.145,0.7090000000000001,3,0,2,0,0,0,93.0,3,4,7,7,34,34,3,3,24,0,41,8,0,14,16,123,74,51,0,4,16,0,2,2,5,2,5,4,0,7,27,43,0,4,16,0,1,8,13,11,1,1,12,8,82,23,69,55,24,71,2,4,2,3,58,20,0,18,40,339,109,4,0.0,0.11979756331159985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124600067759366,0.0,0.0,0.040428392361983916,0.04206536988115227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03867403210214405,0.0,0.0,0.03534886172018796,0.0,0.04160202228589965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245260926033508,0.11166688317720504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942264303982267,0.0,0.0,0.5093726939688592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043548200548801486,0.0,0.05463142357331762,0.05670113819619928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354249197516839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706009269970897,0.13432876839065785,0.0,0.0,0.06678150288755112,0.04572941350774053,0.04259432239107302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297476867282666,0.0,0.025561859635786176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772352248880281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811651810245279,0.0,0.10565049859394998,0.0,0.02873127101701308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707434879860694,0.05005687466075706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276573347950029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027783415263495197,0.08241728290343434,0.0,0.0,0.05492758089028819,0.0,0.1071243542673318,0.049396722056672164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056557521951309135,0.0,0.042979603577928745,0.1368821521366724,0.0,0.0674910041894459,0.0,0.0,0.055068639699008264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070419320441395,0.0,0.1114900596345614,0.037485499828997855,0.07798144956322332,0.04882582331967813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03425701805204216,0.11534686028127313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051443148068238,0.04414221428390567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139851406812824,0.04841720887281183,0.05143207188126285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715946633545344,0.05197841623939426,0.049916441383239946,0.4342126607766245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081177845704836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602289189663047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306783384827248,0.08566927880191554,0.07783860361124592,0.0,0.05659159156431976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285050986142032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509090509744516,0.0,0.040633768989439004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717228861646986,0.032393263851428565,0.04966951128496897,0.0401346031516809,0.058957437421932476,0.0,0.0,0.04830696370563176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342546648192528,0.0,0.12038335838918768,0.08110349481228338,0.0,0.04545454096590339,0.0468645012954458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054824167518120574,0.07360851428376962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05527337809452737,0.0,0.032555421965934216 bpd,KeeperNovaIce,2018/04/09,Today I Was Diagnosed... This diagnosis terrifies me. Is there advice anyone can spare? Any help or tips can be appreciated. Thanks!,3.035454545454545,5.270473454545456,5.43509090909091,63.93263636363636,109.9090909090909,9.032727272727275,22.581818181818186,8.238735603445708,3.5074981818181827,104,4,15,4,5,36,21,22,0.121,0.5710000000000001,0.309,0.68,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313626901882506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001892096237187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30865983929234003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44804465401323934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958828724085119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4064117001150425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184263559840787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,i_have_no_ygrittes,2018/04/09,"Had to call in sick today. DAE get tired of making up reasons to skip work on “bad” days? What’s your go-to excuse? I really hate lying, but I could never tell the people I work with what’s really going on. I deal with a lot of allergies, so I usually just say it’s a sinus infection or something. Problem is, now everybody and their mother are recommending every weird home remedy/treatment tip that you could imagine. Since I am afraid of saying no to anyone at or above my age, I now have to pretend that I am slowly trying and implementing all of these suggestions over time, with varying results. It’s kind of sad and hilarious at the same time. It’s gotten to the point where I have to start getting better soon or it’s gonna look weird. FML How do y’all deal with this in your workplace?",2.712160714285716,4.615226037500001,4.428392857142857,83.66875000000002,76.125,7.321428571428572,22.67857142857143,8.192908349453996,1.3114821428571433,626,18,123,11,14,211,108,160,0.175,0.772,0.053,-0.9502,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,1,3,7,9,1,1,5,0,10,4,0,4,2,24,19,9,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,10,7,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,3,15,2,23,14,3,22,0,1,1,0,14,10,0,4,11,82,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607190218495884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860407221488674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681457578747178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950579024824108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26507690894018043,0.0,0.0,0.10705704422218344,0.3422799063228261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398631746998427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734575562243011,0.0,0.1886846204856269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638918225011949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651274342365088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286470994764092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939920364255054,0.0,0.0,0.14112828814503411,0.0,0.0,0.1108070932899103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280303628670229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508433397533532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692479495984482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15884073413498934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21268924512291365,0.17067688609679982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640216418708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731791210076194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277958376155921,0.0,0.0,0.11749650723033195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509236988015245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935932750447273,0.1907939652665428,0.15734973223190568,0.0,0.0,0.1127039215204848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282687472159226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417017084611353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,30clipcartel,2018/04/09,fighting with my own mind it was all going so well,1.197272727272729,2.8907196363636416,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,79.9090909090909,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.5321636363636362,40,1,9,0,1,13,11,11,0.17600000000000002,0.632,0.192,0.0622,0,0,0,0,3,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875090938447715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.688470618592959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6130619132859523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Naretike,2018/04/09,"A dream that is ruining my day I was taking a nap earlier today and in my dream I got a notification from a person that used to be my best friend for a bit. Anyway they haven't been in my life for months now but when I woke up I was really anxious and have been having panic attacks ever since. Does anyone have any advice or similar experience because I'm trying to better myself and not self-harm but nothing has worked. I also don't really have anyone that would have a useful insight in my life and recently stopped therapy so I'm trying my best on my own. 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MUSICAL THEATRE) however,I do see the symptoms she has of BPD in it, and I relate to her in those ways what are y’alls thoughts on it? 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I know it's a no brainer, but you'd be surprised how good it feels to just let out your thoughts and feelings, even if it's just writing them down. I live in a rural area that has limited mental health resources, so seeing a therapist is impossible (I've been on a waitlist since diagnosed). I bought a journal from the dollar store in February and I've already filled it about half way. I entered a relationship in October of last year, and I have a fuckton of anxieties about him and us. It was really eating at me, and getting in the way of my responsibilities and as well as my happiness. So I started just writing it down. I write down all my thoughts, from good to bad to even the things I day dream about. It really, really fucking helps to have something to put the thoughts into, rather than just letting them rattle around in my head, especially if you don't have another outlet. If you are struggling, I highly recommend it. 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I apologize for the length, first time poster and looking for advice. I self-diagnosed myself with anxiety and depression around age 19 thanks to a friend struggling with it, and was formally diagnosed around age 21. But I always suspected there was more to it as my depression/anxiety didn't seem to line up with what others described. I started therapy again after a two year break with a new therapist who diagnosed me with BPD about a month ago. In a way it's been freeing, all the weirdness finally lined up with something. But since I started research it's felt like damnation. There's so much hatred and bad publicity. A show I watched yesterday even featured a BPD murderer, I was nearly in tears when they revealed the ""true nature"" of the crazed killer who ""clearly suffered from a personality disorder"". So I joined this group hoping to find help with seeing past the views of others, and finding advice from people dealing with it. I've been lurking for about 2 weeks now, and honestly it's made me feel guilty. It seems everyone has it worse, and has a very clear reason for why they developed BPD (abuse etc). To put it simply, I don't. Yes I've always had a hard time making/keeping friends along with other issues, but I'm doing ok so far in life. And as for why... My therapist points to my overbearing perfectionist mother with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, but no abuse or anything like that. She had high standards, but overall I had a happy childhood. I guess my point is, I feel like I'm stepping into a space where I don't belong. I don't feel ""BPD enough"" to be here or comment. And it's all just spiraled into making me feel stupid. Only my boyfriend and best friend know about my diagnosis and though supportive, I'm not comfortable talking about it at all. I feel like no one else would ever believe me. Has anyone else ever struggled with this? 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How do you manage your money?,1.9987500000000007,4.755171375000003,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,85.25,3.2,20.5,3.1291,0.0400999999999998,66,2,10,0,2,22,15,16,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7164099281661088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.525930802727879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584251362731319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mandapandastic,2018/04/09,"Healthy relationships? I am newly diagnosed BPDer (also diagnosed with bipolar but I'm not sure how relevant that is) who has always struggled with relationships of any kind throughout my life including family, friendships, and especially with significant others. I don't think I've ever had a really great relationship with any boyfriend I've had and I never really had a best friend until last year. I am 22 now. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of only 2 months and now I am losing my best friend over stuff I feel is my fault and stuff I cannot control as well. I am in a pretty deep depressive state over it and I'm not sure how to feel optimistic. I feel as though once I was diagnosed with this disorder, I realized how doomed I actually was. But is there hope? Is there hope for any long-term happy and healthy relationships as a BPDer? It would be great to hear stories. 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I was diagnosed 3 months ago and still haven't had any counselling (but have sessions lined up in a few days). Ive asked him why and hes said that he just doesn't want to be in a relationship, he doesn't want to have to care about another person and he doesn't want someone else to care about him in that way. He told me he hasn't loved me for months and doesn't find me physically attractive, yet he hasnt said a word to me about something being wrong before now. I feel so fucking stupid and like I'll never be good enough, regardless of how much I give someone. Tl;dr: my boyfriend says he hasn't loved me for months and I had no idea, I feel like I'm never enough ",3.983275862068965,4.833291752873566,4.442011494252878,89.0416379310345,71.12643678160919,7.8689655172413815,24.27011494252873,8.07648339933343,1.0548597701149425,671,17,147,9,12,212,97,174,0.125,0.79,0.085,-0.5870000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,10,11,2,0,3,0,21,4,0,2,2,23,37,10,0,4,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,12,3,0,1,6,6,18,8,23,27,5,22,0,0,0,3,21,5,1,0,17,89,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600836872030657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132457163625156,0.12539941772260793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179950397255962,0.0,0.11235773409202797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101761369233354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24385776371241466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232287375404805,0.0,0.1542499298932117,0.0,0.0,0.12138024417070935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990120368049296,0.0,0.0,0.3707019909892967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747881697402163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093551006349125,0.08543435376107678,0.0,0.0,0.10930211327576997,0.10172228071100127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055803652119196,0.0,0.11472059639982078,0.0,0.10030551859930203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500134282815096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685021869506144,0.0,0.10559921402747786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158673524162236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818189642108239,0.0,0.08791162185267759,0.0,0.1844687067527742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442043880646394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661172925987504,0.0,0.0,0.12839375331854586,0.0,0.0,0.227512911442674,0.09510191516296036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039819307838022,0.0920653990406205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550387204797554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427234517750805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160994379412248,0.09492412430986732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791040627686167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075171892884632,0.0,0.0 bpd,amber104242,2018/04/09,"Brain fog and classes Hey all, long time lurker here. Thank you for making me feel less alone in my struggles, this is a place I can come to when I feel overwhelmed or isolated. Unfortunately now is one of those times, and as a senior in college my classes are piling up on me and I feel like I’m drowning. The past week I’ve been in a fog, and it almost feels like I’m stoned. I wasn’t able to study no matter how hard I tried, and now I’m paying for it with my exam grades. How do you guys focus on studying when all you want to do is fall apart? I feel very inferior to everyone else in school right now, which may not be true but I think it a lot. ",1.359333333333332,2.8306070285714284,3.0357142857142883,94.07761904761908,78.71428571428572,5.80952380952381,19.52380952380952,6.42735559955562,-0.15526190476190482,504,11,120,4,12,167,92,140,0.098,0.8370000000000001,0.065,-0.5213,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,0,8,7,0,2,5,0,11,1,1,3,3,27,24,12,1,1,3,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,6,0,1,2,3,3,0,1,2,6,15,4,16,20,4,23,0,2,0,0,5,10,0,4,13,75,21,8,0.18301249900510733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326058165290549,0.18954575528743448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043024747570565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764906285877436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288345926781674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487628562772534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626830920365237,0.2614883317137501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121114719916168,0.0,0.0,0.16394325179032365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882132539099907,0.0,0.0,0.16196030255203414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559068206524482,0.0,0.0,0.12216226420125398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401400572656257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470613859628153,0.0,0.0,0.19120910923552545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629167418705592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521841956417834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132440023381475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849332057920866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726701964164785,0.0,0.0,0.21343211983481805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12425347356852412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510044782986283,0.107945513603559,0.0,0.14680158755813194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,calilac,2018/04/09,"Forgot the word for a symptom I know there's a word for it. Whenever someone makes a big deal or encourages me to do something (i.e. something as simple as ""great job!"" or something more nuanced like ""you like this thing? that's a great thing. you should do stuff with the thing."") the less I want to be involved with it. It makes household chores and doing my job very difficult and I was wanting to do some research on it but can't seem to put the right phrase together to find the name for it. Any help (and advice) is welcome. I really appreciate y'all and this sub.",1.8265634218289044,4.212349407079647,2.806393805309736,91.71425147492629,81.47787610619469,5.890560471976402,23.57595870206489,7.1686216300943375,0.9010595870206496,445,16,92,6,12,141,73,113,0.016,0.7809999999999999,0.203,0.9626,2,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,0,1,7,0,0,9,0,9,1,0,2,0,22,16,9,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,12,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,6,13,12,3,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,4,2,63,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992300224857124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825095888480106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927264515750185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893203545917484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834280161164397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165546004260216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345117391120803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556523147341542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990744775629787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23214544995884906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748071770877991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113981944758825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850085362368184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830265197656504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733617845791938,0.4016063594663533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906210367449825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073797940499567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465737697841497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347721364547406,0.20512930069185836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,toobadiremember,2018/04/09,"Thank you and an apology, from a non. My dad is a diagnosed malignant narcissist (he's been diagnosed for 30 years), and my mom is (directly) undiagnosed BPD but my therapist is comfortable diagnosing her by proxy. It took me 2 years of studying NPD as an adult to come to terms with my dad's diagnosis. It took another 4 years of in depth studying and couple years of therapy to really understand it. With my mom, BPD was a different animal and I couldn't wrap my head around it. I read a couple books about it, nothing seemed to fit exactly. At times she was incredibly distant, almost indifferent towards me. That stage can last months with breaks of angry outbursts at me. Other times she was smothering, I was the best thing she'd ever done and her biggest regret in life was not having more children. She was always very emotional. Rage and tears over seemingly nothing, and she couldn't respond to reason. I'll never, ever as long as I live, forget the looks strangers would give us as she completely lost her cool over some small customer service matter growing up. By all means though, she's not as bad as some of the worst I've read. Never any self harm or suicide attempts, she's more of the martyrdom waif variety. She drowns in 2 feet of water, refusing to stand up and then dragging down anyone who comes close enough to help. She'd use their flailing to justify her own panic. And yet overall she's a good person. Good at gardening, doesn't speed or otherwise break the law. She's just difficult, but to her everyone else is the problem. I can't talk to her about any of her behavior, and every major event of my life she has been a wreck (my wedding, the birth of my children, medical events, deaths in the family, any time I needed emotional support really). Keeping her at a distance for any important event led to long speeches of how my keeping her away deeply hurt her. Our relationship is painfully single sided. I blamed the disorder. I delved in deep in studying BPD, joined the usual subs (RBB, BPDLO, and justnomil). I even had an official title in one sub, I was a translator and helped other sons and daughters get through the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) and communicate with their BPD parents. These subs left me wondering if BPD made humans into demons walking around in human skin. I read the highest upvoted posts, stories of arson, pet murder and attempted suicide and in some cases attempted murder and aggravated assault. Even in the most benign posts I saw the real pain people had as a result of being in relationships with a pwBPD. I had no hope reading those 'support' forums, all roads lead to no contact. I place boundaries, my mom was unable to respect or deal with them (or in some cases outright 'attacked' them head on) and I could only enforce by limiting our relationship further. It seemed like my only options were no contact, or to bleed out slowly into no contact. At the same time, coincidentally I entered DBT therapy on accident picking a therapist at random off of my insurance's website after moving. One day in one of the subs I listed, I watched the lead admin flip out and ban multiple people with no warning after a comment disagreed with her political views. I tried to link in other forums only to discover that user/admin is banned and linking is banned because of her. One day in a comment I suggested maybe we trot over to /r/BPD as a way of trying to understand what it's like to have the disorder, and that particular admin warned me nothing good could come of it and if I suggested it again I'd be banned. I started to connect some of the dots and started thinking perhaps she has BPD. And I followed my own suggestion and came over here, lurking for the past few months. I was completely blown away. I was touched reading the compassion and respect with which you speak to one another. I was amazed at the types of posts and comments, seeking advice on how to get better and comments offering support. My eyes were opened to the things you struggle with, and how you recognize the disorder makes relationships difficult and you don't want that. Your self awareness is incredible, and your insight into emotions- I've been flabbergasted and find myself speechless over how wrong I was. My therapist supported my new discovery, and talked to me about self aware BPDs that were in recovery. I didn't know recovery was possible. And then I came to the painful conclusion it's not the disorder, it's just my mom. Followed by the realization that the past 2 years on the 'support' subs I've actually contributed to making each of your lives more difficult. I apologize for my contribution, no matter how small, into the stigma of BPD. Thank you for helping change my mind, and going forward I'm going to correct people and tell them of all the things you've taught me.",6.503120689655169,7.477821961111113,6.903057471264368,73.20900000000002,65.5,10.251340996168583,34.628352490421456,10.28479193502386,3.763960536398467,3855,172,658,91,58,1254,413,900,0.185,0.716,0.099,-0.9985,5,0,0,0,0,2,105.0,4,9,5,10,20,45,6,4,48,1,49,16,5,15,9,150,95,62,6,12,14,9,2,2,0,1,10,2,2,9,28,64,1,8,15,7,0,19,17,24,0,5,32,10,102,21,131,54,23,125,1,3,5,0,93,61,0,21,41,456,130,11,0.0,0.0,0.04316396033675048,0.0,0.0,0.04322290723308942,0.0,0.0,0.04429186519925191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0368044896561528,0.0,0.0,0.12031685312680147,0.09276202149457068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030927977555246827,0.0,0.0,0.07875154921003097,0.0,0.05032017931129284,0.08311466459901197,0.0,0.03693179446389158,0.026963359732878774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641865711114717,0.03911952694203726,0.0,0.0,0.4456683038630167,0.0,0.0,0.1011790353292214,0.0,0.0,0.046791492267719836,0.11430561299026393,0.09275262509812142,0.0,0.0,0.07063115651410838,0.09788352675248048,0.0,0.057051841117562375,0.045601153513861084,0.0,0.1346833624501309,0.0,0.046212928141683936,0.20277438825965688,0.0,0.0,0.04526459746733155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03695008227088698,0.14926482450372486,0.0,0.04570338347755307,0.0,0.05842951432951686,0.08002058373349398,0.03726728903804286,0.04226548229689241,0.0,0.0,0.041697905027159636,0.049773192155146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040427161326687035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046218691213870115,0.042431275289692115,0.050276023719338536,0.11129887412533444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078939420521738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894314392646205,0.0,0.0,0.04393226360639197,0.0,0.0,0.04735117086810275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863070188327287,0.0,0.0,0.024308699116801787,0.036054907453301324,0.0,0.0,0.04805809596886235,0.0,0.06248460748422899,0.043218950674132166,0.0,0.07811516783192088,0.07828769093237263,0.03714366147464385,0.0,0.04828435112989597,0.0,0.0,0.04185329953132442,0.05905028227712768,0.0,0.04443689537713103,0.048181513342372084,0.0,0.04455899249208788,0.0,0.0,0.044661616592039,0.20721549780238305,0.07061097174212336,0.047011516716087484,0.0,0.03279739830197537,0.06822874639947979,0.0427194510448701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732512204338578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986342329916638,0.10092107446305736,0.14119760169084672,0.05189661212774505,0.04911429781381388,0.0,0.08444871963621907,0.09199450421200044,0.03862159476076819,0.046212928141683936,0.0,0.0,0.04986482875358071,0.12708581915531558,0.0,0.0,0.04232396099064257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221219382035498,0.05034559333596266,0.05667218401333547,0.045477766824133965,0.0,0.1899540575451384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080119967147016,0.13843057569075884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261514233908204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624079258099142,0.0,0.09676505343757832,0.25096921733114563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711038621406433,0.038660635990442366,0.08144559375243395,0.10116608014912164,0.1540699582965516,0.08815714001385792,0.028342019759182324,0.04345762368139505,0.0,0.1031679218264062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828655152654542,0.060061122279523524,0.0,0.0,0.09209394943716502,0.05320553753884344,0.03820216565392638,0.04871519611072645,0.03649595530561913,0.026089124536602424,0.03510922865313161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047967615927987775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03142107739099302,0.0483606462533958,0.0,0.1424194883323458 bpd,CaptainE0,2018/04/09,"Fuccckkkk. I lashed out at my (now ex) boyfriend for trying to help. After 3 years being together, my boyfriend has decided he has (understandably) had enough. With our lease ending in August, he has decided I've become so intolerable, he temporarily moved in with his mother and has agreed to still keep paying his side of the rent. That leaves me with the apartment to myself, which some days, it's awesome other days it's like I'm pantomiming Evanescence's Bring Me to Life, lmao. Anyway, my ex (writing that stings) went NC for a week after he left and then texts me out of the blue: ""I bought a book about living with someone with BPD called stop walking on eggshells."" My response? ""Lmao, a little too late don't you think? Why don't you save your money and return the book and keep doing what's been working for you? Running to mom's house whenever you can't deal with a crazy bitch. It's not like you're even living with me for the duration of the lease until we go our separate ways so what's the point of buying a book about how to live with me????"" Yep, that felt gratifying for about .5 seconds after I hit the ""send"" button. I feel like he's gonna one of those people that negatively posts on bpd loved ones. :/",3.706164473684211,5.351774287500003,4.381315789473685,86.14894736842108,72.79166666666666,7.219298245614036,23.464912280701753,7.85451343220497,1.046958333333334,959,26,194,13,19,306,144,240,0.045,0.8220000000000001,0.133,0.9669,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,3,5,0,1,11,6,1,0,13,1,11,2,0,1,0,29,25,9,0,0,1,4,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,12,15,0,3,6,3,5,7,5,1,0,3,5,3,24,5,38,17,2,37,0,0,1,1,25,12,1,1,19,118,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15593469078304434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556509829387556,0.0,0.14417209674918313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18211340762670344,0.14556202386185998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505357820380952,0.14588834894944375,0.0,0.09325551771935747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139056029387901,0.10086708825466814,0.13556578346708362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024226582436461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463754781727313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629157959396259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509946179394061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592699288756244,0.1495011933540598,0.15340475345757965,0.0,0.09972758608895314,0.20693680240129236,0.14151076832428056,0.3740234965920442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743065481809027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653615364493429,0.0,0.15006400037510692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134974900722634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788426523901307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347140937287974,0.0,0.13522223025028746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963092476024348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127555493363431,0.11804224345489925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046967979056493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585962021514062,0.0,0.0,0.14698511586368976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207107682978278,0.11325513908101355,0.0,0.0,0.13088574356660632,0.12740318144109666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102788943214473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092256384578253 bpd,sithlordsRus,2018/04/09,"How do you combat the feeling of emptiness? Ok, so I've (35F) been diagnosed with BPD for about 10 years now, and I've done a lot of work through DBT to minimize a lot of the ""crazy"" that was my life. I'm in a new relationship (about 2.5 months) and if I fact check, i believe it's going well. However when things come up, and plans change, it's like a crushing blow. I've come to realize that it's because I still don't have a very solid sense of myself. Im still always searching for something external to fill my internal void. Has anyone had success in finding out who they actually are, and has it helped with the constant search for things to fix the empty feeling?? ",6.500903361344541,5.417509720588238,6.910672268907565,80.12088235294121,65.76470588235293,10.124369747899161,34.134453781512605,9.23628265651192,2.77419243697479,526,20,110,8,7,172,92,136,0.084,0.81,0.105,0.4174,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,3,9,4,0,0,9,1,10,2,0,1,1,18,16,8,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,4,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,4,2,8,4,20,12,2,16,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,3,9,70,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.17762041320294966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145108580047614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127269140969377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095467282727683,0.0,0.0,0.20506860928880805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292415584263733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254776730713472,0.3135796631008829,0.0,0.1966935853026199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184741423966658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626456986078047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406453611876025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635843985230206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344333603266503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200083783273585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660746623266975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856259844539106,0.08892334967699089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30948533901126524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528266034499318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579125008908406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195416024893908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012406247018525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907148760000619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24184539623472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018146182710704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365337101036134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250910955892678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721171166124902 bpd,amourporlamode,2018/04/09,New Diagnosis Hi everyone I’m 19 years old just got diagnosed with BPD. First time going to my psychiatrist I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Was prescribed Zoloft 50 mg. Second appointment my psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft 25 mg and Lamictal 100mg at full dosage. I also see a psychotherapist every week. After talking to her for several weeks I got diagnosed with BPD. Anyone else on this medication? Or does it work for anyone else? Does anyone have any success stories to tell about BPD. I finally feel like I belong somewhere and belong to a diagnosis . I’ve probably dealt with BPD my whole life when I start to analyze and remember ,4.07027093596059,7.290400362068969,5.544876847290643,70.06637931034484,79.86206896551724,9.866009852216749,29.837438423645324,9.784248007369934,4.191664532019706,526,25,81,19,14,176,77,116,0.048,0.894,0.058,0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,2,0,3,7,0,0,0,12,10,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,2,10,2,15,6,2,15,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,1,12,44,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303348446026448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911215239406294,0.0,0.08899636503908777,0.0,0.0,0.24403353079843546,0.2383990048360212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5860821299117005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019962491365886,0.35423435431344635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361201944295115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436682151298115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980177048541667,0.11116358812863547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882274145131691,0.08311012869106485,0.0,0.12743989099436,0.0,0.09895494573860272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611616489104848,0.0,0.1860883078888247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821712280716952,0.056835665547868175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719581132477964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235758361102406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207457312592823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542938192437922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178548169606005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270435853714533,0.0,0.0,0.1314260397580217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234288969783478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350609546858178,0.10168238435903576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783618538549782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866346961495018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298844690616265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469365425722049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491626964650508 bpd,Loglobber,2018/04/09,"It seems like masochism is common with BPD, but is anyone else more into domination and sadism? I (gay male) don't really have any desire for receiving pain or submitting to someone. I'd want it to be the other way around. I always have these sadistic desires, of sexual, physical, and emotional matter. Feeling like I have power and control over others. It could just be that BPD manifests itself differently in males but no idea. Just from this alone though is it possible that instead of BPD I have NPD? What do you think?",4.880644329896906,7.036305556701031,5.5614304123711324,76.7858569587629,70.75257731958762,8.973711340206185,27.5889175257732,9.516144504307137,2.759310309278351,417,15,71,10,8,135,73,97,0.126,0.7290000000000001,0.145,-0.2469,2,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,1,0,21,16,7,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,11,13,1,7,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,3,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895662308224672,0.0,0.0,0.14377375117305322,0.0,0.0,0.1175020049523067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081763368699412,0.17704208645048422,0.0,0.1538182670972402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6528626441768179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379682996444755,0.13795743965745694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18052705237035968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434249690377762,0.19436364003035292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736698279795001,0.1234400336423816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505701824675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883132243471702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838589896811492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19479290566132607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106926431923047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730002675609955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640301046253554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071579947630723,0.1697636791628914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191504717200207,0.13715135168052278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,the_greatsarcasmo,2018/04/09,"Does anyone else feel like this? Important note: I am diagnosed with BPD, I am not looking for a diagnosis but support with this symptom I can't quite match to a name. It's distressing feeling like this and having Google come up with nothing. Morning guys. I've woken up feeling hyper aware of everything again (I've been getting this quite a few times a week for a long time, can't really pinpoint when it started), like my thought process is REALLY clear, like I'm controlling a sim or something, my brain will be like - ""you have to do this, this and this and here's the perfect order to do it in."" And then I will follow the directions and it feels smooth like in a video game. It's a really, really weird feeling, like a good weird, but weird nonetheless. I looked into derealization and depersonalisation but I'm not sure this is it?? I don't feel like I'm on the outside watching myself (not that I 100% know what that means), I just want an idea of what I'm feeling because there is no anxiety or feeling attached to it. It's really calm and mellow, I genuinely don't feel much right now. I'm just super aware of myself and my surroundings and when I think of things, in my head, they're very clear (like I just wondered where the cat treats were, and my brain did a flash to where I'd left them last, but it was like in a video game where they pan to your next destination/obstacle but in my head). I think that's probably be the best way of describing how I feel, like I'm present but my brain feels separate to my body but connected and hyper aware of tasks I need to complete, time and my surroundings like in a video game. My mind is switched on but my body is just a pawn. Edit: I should mention it lasts a couple hours tops and then just goes. And I know this won't be a diagnosis, I'm just looking for a jumping off point to do my own research and bring to my therapist/doctor if necessary. Also just knowing will help me.",3.4510769230769216,4.86974682564103,4.517435897435898,85.82923076923079,73.05128205128204,8.071794871794872,26.58974358974359,8.648137234880735,1.7673435897435894,1522,53,320,28,30,497,180,390,0.048,0.73,0.222,0.9971,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,2,2,7,18,24,0,1,22,0,28,9,7,2,4,72,66,32,0,4,21,0,12,12,0,5,2,0,0,1,25,20,0,1,20,6,0,4,9,4,0,0,6,16,36,20,34,52,4,44,0,0,4,0,11,21,0,4,29,199,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149180442164324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058823412935351586,0.0,0.0,0.053765810719435765,0.07878660605232006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046873640320269784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069511585845471,0.0,0.0,0.17082296670192493,0.09684482935534657,0.2575161484604649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662370496230632,0.08062150323033923,0.0,0.08624273924193589,0.0,0.08508133392369004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804541114503435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787038838206048,0.06729012973188911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423475721602946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910703234640225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42767700116140334,0.2746641066159005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017374558465786,0.0,0.0,0.06449472476088089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613677830762336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578300868671527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154017623255403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757247319409456,0.0,0.0,0.0868035435102322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267761766719165,0.12535713505211782,0.0,0.0,0.08354514894427635,0.0,0.0,0.4507960956620287,0.0,0.0,0.06804843874470475,0.19371383745074908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375970015868281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764064170772826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652566213550823,0.05701564889084705,0.0,0.0,0.08177724291238345,0.0,0.0,0.07378150736804732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268933018391263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290433349635279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16357167119331134,0.0,0.0,0.2463001269057368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566673592010805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059196469486842415,0.0,0.0,0.05442570380103125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872579748308966,0.07247133190566031,0.07992191879514611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927942562174264,0.05108470795937732,0.09854066060780572,0.0,0.06104494943667655,0.13451187393342232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344529387612735,0.04535385248405256,0.06103458070925258,0.06167942811396958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338785664338602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,elexieroze,2018/04/09,"Anybody pregnant with BPD or moms with BPD? How do you deal with the emotional highs and lows, splitting, feelings of not knowing self worth, jealousy, etc? I’m about to hit 15 weeks and I’ve found it hard with all the intense emotions I’ve been feeling. I know I’ve been making it hard for my SO, too. ",2.969508196721314,4.618676114754102,3.289311475409839,93.20937704918032,74.7377049180328,5.5357377049180325,28.593442622950818,5.6839178017228535,0.9279547540983608,237,10,50,1,5,73,46,61,0.146,0.7829999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.5463,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,16,11,5,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,3,0,8,7,2,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5035735546363925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610426877073185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4497564226188659,0.0,0.0,0.22295880792506564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216673052672626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21919720416272767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581703305872397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122187253846314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973683866191115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334452564421788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23413880659587746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855563496204751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036028495297647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Clarca,2018/04/10,"Having plans that you like, and suddenly wanting to cancel everything because you just realize it's not that great ? Hi! I happens to me all the time. I plan something that is supposed to be great, like going on holydays, or to a party...and then a few days before it's supposed to happen, I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to stay at home, alone, and watch tv. But I can't because I already signed up for this, or I paid it, or I'm just gonna seem weird if I suddenly cancel it. Like, I have to go to a party next friday night. I was so excited when I got the ticket (which is expansive), all my friends are going (except my best friend, which is the problem), but I just convinced myself that it's gonna be boring and I'm not gonna enjoy it and stay sit somewhere in a corner, waiting for the end. All of a sudden, I don't want to be with my friends, just want to stay at home, watch tv and sleep. My reason is telling me that it's gonna be great, like everytime I feel like that, it always (almost) ends up being great. But my instinct is telling me the opposite. Do you feel the same sometimes ? It's not a big deal but it's annoying how it happens all the time, and I feel like I ""force"" myself to have fun. ",2.089186046511628,3.2143707480620165,3.847976744186045,90.45080232558139,76.01550387596897,6.555348837209302,24.527906976744184,6.961326702584282,0.803391627906977,935,30,210,9,20,315,117,258,0.129,0.725,0.146,0.8227,0,1,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,3,0,3,8,22,1,0,13,0,20,1,1,2,4,45,44,18,0,7,17,0,3,6,3,4,0,0,2,0,21,7,0,1,6,3,1,3,6,4,0,0,3,5,29,18,23,32,7,27,0,0,2,0,10,8,0,6,18,139,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178090510651183,0.10527162119779628,0.11216571346112132,0.0,0.08457522058135754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080266543730508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239214084111874,0.0,0.08649081108291175,0.0,0.10666818643440598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555140544224003,0.10478959641149103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800512749427855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135028473327632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418145067600886,0.14522773439093978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355876734792275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329838706128242,0.0,0.08129329053199724,0.4482476066150582,0.0,0.0,0.2696480332750561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039126791658924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979461734730349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080986141512043,0.09538518519851813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725874125962658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450605881599744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253208149474787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017165281887112,0.0,0.0,0.07824984171975202,0.10052764739882764,0.0,0.0,0.3250141343824724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776811387553429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853784452530612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997587363759011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bigdog2447,2018/04/10,"Worried about trying my hand at being a waiter Hi there. So I had my interview today and I'm going in tonight for like a 1 hour trial or something of the sort, but I'm thinking - damn I'm not sure if I'm mentally right for this kind of work, Idk I'm just very confused here. Any waiters here? ",-0.884285714285717,1.2519024761904802,1.7495238095238117,94.98714285714287,95.66666666666666,4.06984126984127,19.698412698412696,5.82211442006289,-0.03856825396825414,228,8,50,2,9,78,49,63,0.198,0.741,0.061,-0.8286,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,10,9,5,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,3,7,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,4,4,26,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172296459940726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769426063514175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066087613595995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32421436623285754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210577946148898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137591048313501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658840255610791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23968597472720785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934357737575565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949512608428985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951154329182001,0.0,0.0,0.21138050964126445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568894266225417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22666039311858774,0.3161825080408464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bionicjess,2018/04/10,"I signed up for DBT therapy. Decided it was time for me to tackle this debilitating BPD shit. I don't like feeling the way I do and after a shit ton of research this seems to be the best solution overall. Wish me luck. Also, if you'd like to share your experiences below, I'd love that.",1.3687005649717534,3.5138221694915264,4.045000000000002,83.57620056497176,81.54237288135593,7.323163841807911,23.39265536723164,8.344100000000001,1.5626926553672318,224,8,47,5,6,79,46,59,0.177,0.5660000000000001,0.257,0.7789,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,1,8,2,0,3,0,5,3,2,0,0,8,9,3,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,6,9,6,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,3,4,32,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680856840376965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27139293674702325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32570747768197256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25296805645455456,0.0,0.0,0.1307598766154754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526854216935273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334036409358645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235426833244391,0.0,0.0,0.5309143915331457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29574056316529584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079629089394686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527083858287526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973862133211736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zokalwe,2018/04/10,"Looks like I belong here. Hi, r/BPD. So I got my diagnosis yesterday. Now I have a name to put on what made me so miserable, and what made me feel so different. I guess I can count myself very, very lucky. I'm definitely on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. I just got my Ph.D. in physics, have reasons to hope for a good career, and with my anger mainly turned inwards (and most of the time, being expressed through the silent treatment rather than tantrums), most people who know me would describe me at most as ""very sensitive"" or ""irritable"". And thankfully, I never turned violent. My BPD is most apparent in the context of romantic relationships, whenever I am single (which is most of the time... neediness makes a man utterly repelling) I crave proximity to the point finding someone is the one and only important thing in my life; all the rest I do on autopilot. When I do find someone, at first the contentment is overwhelming, and then the fear of losing this will drive me to perceive slights, signs of disrespect and contempt in everything my partner does. After the inevitable explosion, the poor girl, who had surely been wondering ""How could such a great guy not be taken already"" goes ""Yup, now I know"". It's only after this cycle repeated itself last month that I started suspecting BPD. I had to admit that I had displayed inappropriate, irrational, out-of-control anger. You know these movies with a twist at the end that make you see the whole movie under a different light? Well, same thing, but with my life. I remembered all these times I snapped at perceived disrespect or insults, all these times I had concluded about the viability of the relationship because of one interaction. All these times I went in a few minutes from ""Good riddance, bitch"" to ""I fucked up how do I get her back"". So I went straight for my therapist. I had been dealing with depression for a long time, but somehow I always felt I had something else going on. This was a costly epiphany. Now this girl at work that I was dating (insert inevitable comment about not dating in the workplace) just ignores me. The two lines she answered to my long message of apology could as well say ""fuck off, I'm done with your crazy"". Still, I owe her for making me ask the right questions. Maybe one day things will be better enough with her that I can tell her. There are many things I could talk about. I'll keep this post short. I'm glad this place exists. I'm glad I was diagnosed at a time when BPD prognosis is not ""never getting better"" anymore. ",6.144338811975717,7.1593141247357295,6.127241355793494,78.30958671486053,66.31501057082453,9.570456250426245,33.0170497169747,9.698958519613793,3.1264866534815523,2003,84,366,41,31,632,255,473,0.109,0.784,0.107,-0.7783,4,1,1,0,0,0,84.0,0,3,0,6,25,29,9,3,30,1,35,5,0,9,7,72,72,22,0,6,10,0,2,1,1,3,3,1,0,5,26,13,0,2,17,0,3,5,5,15,2,5,20,6,55,14,55,43,16,62,0,4,2,2,32,24,3,13,33,261,81,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281763225610317,0.0,0.06244617272027163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442771787401313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016000177790419,0.0,0.0,0.05770748725873296,0.0,0.045748728884131735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274819235263555,0.0,0.0,0.3780826760401487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417301640849997,0.1797598108404364,0.0,0.0,0.04839992563028523,0.07737147112143529,0.06463896507351773,0.07617241440453629,0.0,0.15681893810271375,0.0,0.0,0.06567524691166401,0.07680043652190728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626931996903893,0.0,0.13294098361548518,0.07754492468727846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674485460314315,0.0,0.0,0.08445016853099907,0.037946660314113916,0.0,0.07205810844270973,0.0,0.1371855185267891,0.06383602021425785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387618328036994,0.07841924725517113,0.0,0.04265166138965106,0.12589385664873645,0.1200459147884102,0.08274098273620782,0.0826741305392188,0.07430958647776424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929261780358593,0.0,0.07453986583668408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667063507304765,0.0,0.0,0.1237336997063196,0.06117435669606872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601762523464947,0.03666479393954285,0.0,0.0,0.1328307148260349,0.06302164549974,0.08395981764526113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420249755322676,0.150285909166595,0.07608716659633548,0.07539607449519592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059902813196836636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576370497063138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525639502662105,0.11415518244129788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202902103347025,0.0,0.07840946905135687,0.0,0.07094487299538617,0.0,0.07187549750417778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544423992843788,0.08407123812288288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716212094133318,0.0,0.16114751212692216,0.08501506024487251,0.06409081261426566,0.0,0.059681396605776274,0.0,0.0,0.059803754742684186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717631144098193,0.057775824854811364,0.0,0.0,0.053119551852786565,0.0,0.05993364545094314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073210641568745,0.0,0.0,0.06032095673374877,0.06559549595958378,0.06909436406108839,0.0,0.08713682593869,0.19943494369887668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063287487495672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632619344454587,0.07331125495400799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576804758587448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495481552150865,0.13914099653054748,0.0,0.08378871344579668,0.0,0.0,0.0813866475857524,0.05463603445819682,0.0,0.0,0.053312137843676166,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,chukchacha,2018/04/10,"can this shit ever stop I cant even put it into words, how much fucking effort it takes for me to put myself back into my amaing life plan that i have written out in my head, and how much i work for it, and how emotionally FUCKEd I am to manage even small distresses. on a roll for a few weeks, apply for scholarship, kick ass at work, bring all friends up, make sure everyone around me is happy, and little little unpleasant things happen and im done, i just cant, i just dont understand if im doing something wrong, or if im wrong, or if its cultural differences, or if i should just give up, or what the fuck, but why cant things just be easy and pleasant, just nice and warm, why do I need to have a complete brain fuckery I cant do this, my nerves are sooooooo weak now, 2017 was one of the most intense and destructive years of my life, i feel like a little tiny half dead flower pretending to be reaching for the sun, ad still there has to be some asses blocking it from me. im sooo good and bringing other people up and so incapable of having good things in my life, and i want them soooo hard i become pathetically excited, i dont wanna play stupid social games about how a girl should do this and that, i just wanna feel, and do, thats all, and im capable of making things good, give me a fucking chance life!!!! i believe in good, im an idealist, i love, i feel, im sensitie, what the fuck is wrong with that, what should i just pill up and be dead inside? i cant, i get so confused when my moodswings happen, i just wanna die immediately, i cannot take even small negatives anymore, im so careful and think 50 times before doing anything, im done. im cursed. go get drunk and fuck with men who you hate! theres the solution. dont wait for months for someone who you actually like, so stupid, what you think something good will happen? lol. you choose them idiot, you see the red flags and you ruuuuun for them, i kind of feel like, everyone that has ever wished me bad in this life, had their wishes ocme true in the last few years, and i see no otger option to not give a shit but to get high out of my mind and listen to trippy stuff that makes me disappear from this planet, which I fuckin love so dearly. i cat control this anymore, i need something normal man, im done",5.424966376906674,4.8246674200426485,6.1132302771855045,83.36220887321636,67.7633262260128,9.177005084467767,28.059783500082013,8.502166056373571,1.6984294899130716,1776,47,386,23,26,583,221,469,0.19,0.617,0.194,-0.5833,1,0,3,0,0,2,63.0,0,6,4,5,31,43,14,2,15,1,38,23,6,8,6,88,82,39,3,16,19,0,6,3,1,4,7,1,0,3,30,26,1,4,8,4,1,6,12,21,0,2,6,10,51,22,46,68,8,41,0,0,3,11,25,22,11,12,16,251,81,4,0.0,0.0,0.050766585826098116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318494683341878,0.0,0.0,0.042810194658047335,0.046311173149064716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04000219390551552,0.04343672588742157,0.0,0.05745491136008845,0.04426742936038831,0.058611693138015786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807446377254466,0.0,0.0,0.0530405418600802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454474132938392,0.0,0.05834780691261871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399128013631231,0.0543525794314712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597116474680321,0.18291041663930455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05851846050012914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030813761357222,0.09411490049262522,0.0,0.0994197111556401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052168261734322,0.07432995936594161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04019255750348872,0.2885645176826669,0.08153903636181635,0.14971455088222688,0.02956566141325128,0.2181705834199972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380103286779044,0.055379060592458,0.04660206122403552,0.051361580186023895,0.05339023038039434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054964768409232215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6181270829982194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417356720921685,0.0,0.04240538957500682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372562225003725,0.07624689271772493,0.1564210364558653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390491545358573,0.0,0.10417653523527932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052528029730432434,0.0,0.04152396964092568,0.0,0.07648524267389732,0.07714824695325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050971135263792065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0352518827362205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03606594372691318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459423059405172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291060682538101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680097116332353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303052336861184,0.04407860844504642,0.12014869432095307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04154534221952684,0.0434932509269751,0.0,0.0,0.05955346891681116,0.0,0.0,0.049030716300296096,0.0,0.07822909201385359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382461040732758,0.0666680057790924,0.0,0.0,0.030334815880189023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415739602774074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0306842970288694,0.0,0.04172941854245607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388467004915384,0.0,0.1196469219889352,0.0,0.0,0.07574619337786093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063574886141342,0.0,0.06700174053841068 bpd,Kayaktacocat,2018/04/10,"Anyone else have this cycling happen? I get these episodes 2-5 times a year where I lose my emotional control. My brain goes on rapid fire and I get these cycles of extreme emotion for literally maybe 2-3 minutes. I use to attach it to my life stresses or just something based in reality but it's contentless extreme emotion if that makes sense. So when I get one I go from extremely sad for a few minutes, to euphorically happy(like tasting god) to rage anger to depersonalization/numbness. I usually end up hyperventilating during one of the sad cycles and it usually ends the episode. The cycles are maybe 2-3 minutes each. These episodes use to get the best of me as a kid and I'd end up in the hospital but nowadays it's just embarrassing and I don't know how to explain to others that there is this button that my brain hits called ""random extreme emotion"". Another thing that has changed as I've gotten older is I've learned how to ride it out as if my internal dialogue settled regardless of external emotional extremes. I had college projects where I had to go into the bathroom every 10-15 minutes for the sad cycle where I uncontrollably cry. It's an akward thing to explain. Kayaktacocat to college project partner- yeah so I know I'm crying in front of you right now but I can't do shit about it and I just need you to pretend this isn't happening because I'm literally not upset, happy, angry, whatever, I'm kayaktacocat your buddy and my internal voice hasn't shifted a beat. I'd like to continue on our project. Sorry for this wierd shit I got. Nothing I can do about it and I'd rather not just sit in it. Can we just stay on task?...Thanks for the read kenfolk",3.9408766564729873,5.868993036697247,5.299694189602448,78.63763506625894,72.76146788990826,8.147196738022426,31.988786952089704,8.841846274778883,2.8458187563710493,1341,65,248,27,27,448,172,327,0.152,0.763,0.085,-0.9746,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,2,3,0,4,18,15,4,4,13,1,15,6,4,6,0,39,37,21,0,5,14,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,23,11,1,1,5,2,0,4,6,12,0,2,4,3,28,3,41,32,3,32,0,4,0,0,10,15,2,4,12,156,51,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463266057642732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977158379505366,0.10224092620480472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608276538495992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471758841970684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22278481796603652,0.10189104533848588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055586812238543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119167074246033,0.0,0.0,0.21921699099894454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335707554081426,0.5612201871219586,0.2651381250701643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407267417623877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853295571402025,0.0,0.11341956633115965,0.0,0.07980671298323967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647805911368336,0.10622236635315783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967781093005563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048068402143741,0.04874962536926282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163323767827876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660687254219178,0.0,0.20049371568892332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739888801263637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574583838636676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523300549288614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981141911531986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521534608128309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048545382391085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681891848939476,0.0,0.11170048428095164,0.0,0.10635691075451743,0.0,0.0,0.11430271143198327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918680838261248,0.0,0.0,0.13258466428164906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581850954351483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236339474924803,0.219796873653344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642578923660864 bpd,onelastTime21,2018/04/10,"Issues making/maintaining friendships Because I become such an unstable mess when in a relationship, I’m now just wanting to have a group of friends that I can hang out with and talk to about daily life. The issue with this is that my cycle for friendships usually looks like this: 1. Meet person 2. Person is instantly my best friend 3. Person isn’t that close with me because we just met 4. Person does something to upset me (hangs out with other people, doesn’t talk to me one day, etc.) 5. I instantly distrust this person and everything about them 6. Cut them out of my life because I am ashamed I let this cycle happen again 7. Repeat everything over and over until I just want to commit suicide Does anyone have advice or tips on how to have “normal” friendships with people? I’m 25 and most people my age have a group of friends that love and support them and I have never had that.. Anything would be greatly appreciated!",4.503123486682808,6.341728581920908,5.074047619047622,81.2025,71.09039548022601,7.0910411622276035,26.767150928167876,7.7094869923839395,1.6530100080710253,737,25,130,9,14,236,104,177,0.1,0.7090000000000001,0.191,0.9523,0,0,1,0,0,2,20.0,1,0,3,1,10,13,2,2,5,0,15,3,0,1,2,28,24,10,1,4,4,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,0,5,10,16,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,2,1,18,8,25,19,3,19,0,0,1,1,20,8,0,2,10,93,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886028033572428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504999588781413,0.0,0.10009521246676517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22244263760602284,0.13433626279403446,0.0,0.0,0.12764839179570509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844449000542124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128871556257901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565513905450546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21863532747794603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28192461737415625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341029786464764,0.0,0.0,0.10756139810439748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25391060402298765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437999303478865,0.17182874632175227,0.059424700023539036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214273629867188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978030512451092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381238379297184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191764404402782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242300042128392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529791089946261,0.5310348000797273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059043211141755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364053883054507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304890987858953,0.13802991717679106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553115530645154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339637298135732,0.0,0.14348690796810806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864059894676588,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Scorpio_24601,2018/04/10,"How to break the cycle - advice wanted :) TL;DR: I've developed strong feelings for someone who isn't my partner. When it happened before, I broke up with my partner to be with them. I want to break the cycle. I have this pattern: I'll be happy in a relationship, then something happens that punctuates the closeness and despite my best efforts I almost always find myself looking for affirmation and closeness elsewhere, without even realising. My past three relationships have all been back-to-back, verging on overlapping. In all of those, the catalyst was my partner going on holiday. That's all it took - they went away, and my heart latched to the next person who gave me attention. I love my partner. I look at him and see my future, and stability. A few weeks ago, he became enthralled with a computer game, (funnily enough, not Fortnite) and I found it difficult to prise him away and get the attention I needed. I'd made a new friend who I really connected with, and I got scared when I realised that I had given up trying to get attention from my partner and instead been deferring to my new friend. I spoke to my partner, and things have been better with us, but I'm scared it's too late. The connection I feel with my friend is incredibly strong already; there's no way I'm cutting him off - not a chance in hell. But what do I do? ",5.262917760279969,6.61727146850394,5.98734908136483,77.26970253718285,68.56692913385827,8.951531058617674,32.61504811898513,9.2995712137729,3.050952580927384,1059,47,189,21,18,346,145,254,0.077,0.797,0.126,0.9239,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,2,5,7,15,2,2,12,0,14,2,1,2,3,39,38,16,0,3,5,0,2,0,9,0,0,1,0,7,14,18,0,0,7,2,0,3,5,6,0,1,13,6,35,9,30,23,6,32,1,1,3,1,26,15,1,1,11,135,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233932857464928,0.11193409554438404,0.0,0.12644496006026268,0.0,0.1393462668059429,0.0,0.10506990851875872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23727676399190575,0.19419349955307025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744969443447018,0.0,0.1325165516978311,0.11167890535903234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047457975501275,0.0,0.08340264710573864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276956442360818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541195603993384,0.0,0.0,0.13845269262346374,0.29267644979770635,0.0,0.1319456866014784,0.0,0.07176430460291335,0.0,0.1009926848629299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233269902123744,0.13442079706693466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963504864518368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424423347532654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21207636077302008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139670251601666,0.1194833128797184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363041496938013,0.0,0.2439120256898181,0.13429360777068072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054262033790343,0.0,0.11025740246024833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089422303460699,0.0,0.0,0.2711415867397874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528441840345685,0.0,0.10062386157818606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699137214312708,0.09721173240326092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389069488594282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402948264464249,0.08573161430032952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189182119152425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895910547897315,0.10023025661305494,0.10128921728911723,0.0,0.0,0.11705706803010905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172342707117545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,woodsliraven,2018/04/10,"Mom with BPD, abusive dad with alcohol problems, since I moved out my own BPD got worse and worse Pretty self-explanatory (and much like a rant, apologies). I am currently 27,my mom suffered from BPD since I can remember, she has always been extremely abusive and inconsistent. My dad was violent and with lots of addiction problems, he went to therapy a few years ago and got much better. Things started improving but still very unstable. I moved to a different country around one year ago, My family is trying to keep contact with me as much as possible but I feel deeply suffocated by them. I got diagnosed with BPD and DP/DR, and I got in and out of therapy (mainly for financial problems). The more I am away from home the more unstable I feel: I constantly split and lash out at people I care about, I have no clue what a normal interaction is (conversation wise) and I feel that the total lack of positive examples have doomed me to never get better. I have a job but no idea of what I like doing or pursue, most times I just blankly stares at social media. ",5.43215351812367,6.710902069651741,6.329683724235963,75.25354477611944,68.1044776119403,10.518976545842223,31.272565742714995,10.608840637214634,3.5407879175550816,840,34,153,24,14,278,121,201,0.18600000000000005,0.705,0.109,-0.9322,3,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,2,4,12,1,0,8,0,12,3,0,0,2,39,24,16,0,5,5,4,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,19,1,1,5,0,0,3,3,6,0,1,7,4,23,6,28,17,12,21,1,2,1,0,12,8,0,3,12,107,27,1,0.0,0.2212162900671,0.0,0.10176864623979172,0.0,0.0,0.1655037612596067,0.09976606145407724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767724825257598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310404104788187,0.0,0.0,0.08770829993573545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512644159389772,0.0,0.0,0.4702997895215307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517969570224592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008815247146469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475142007827962,0.0,0.09753410861764067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800498392090977,0.0,0.1416063799512281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04877313589822811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986519723633869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936407596252152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053842742930381,0.0,0.0,0.09263853602915607,0.0829765146524754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121520749491424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936545777090466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186680186976317,0.0,0.198439119183666,0.2058757848652276,0.0,0.07199965712808687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914662062993941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325846897672795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471927753297524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524158107750174,0.0,0.09497365236422718,0.0,0.2679788951525004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575085152824627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738763118428832,0.0,0.0,0.15444527950090206,0.0,0.0,0.09516171781333464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607579674766875,0.0,0.07455189731529367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135147857204321,0.0,0.06201964410745708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443493681260976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338061944645028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702607499722715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653924859437839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026954575622665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023265698886886 bpd,Ozzy_Chenz,2018/04/10,"Cluster B personality disorder, AMA Got diagnosed with all three of the cluster b's disorders. Anyone in a similar situation? Or got any questions?",5.344666666666669,8.872007200000002,8.427999999999999,49.48066666666668,77.0,12.933333333333335,44.33333333333334,11.20814326018867,7.869533333333332,120,9,15,6,3,44,22,25,0.127,0.873,0.0,-0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880654359211392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933721978235828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806953430296721,0.0,0.0,0.6339070999721798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44236918961094224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414753001227052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098025080116996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108570145102942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DvaBestGirl,2018/04/10,"My FP left me for another girl that treats him right. I don‘t know how to cope. I don‘t blame him for leaving me. I would leave me too. I haven‘t been good to him. But I don‘t know how to cope. I have suicidal thoughts and have self harmed last night again. I can‘t deal with the fact that girl is prettier, smarter and better to him. I thought he would always stay with me, even though I am messed up. How do I get over it? I feel myself falling apart and don‘t know how much longer I can try to survive, I feel like if even HE ends up leaving me, no one could ever love my true broken self",0.7239399624765497,2.8227534390243925,1.3390243902439032,102.31446529080677,83.71544715447155,4.760225140712946,18.404627892432767,5.873414542411696,-0.61213646028768,455,11,111,3,13,138,76,123,0.15,0.6940000000000001,0.156,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,10,8,0,0,1,0,16,1,0,4,3,24,25,10,1,4,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,3,2,25,6,12,19,1,13,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,1,6,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979130185420693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356297349711402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795529776837775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454064491968615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081280126181896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381556513521231,0.0,0.0,0.20605210946782507,0.14109658678784967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577405380871127,0.11143510228155347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149527623789439,0.0,0.0,0.13083209777388047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571744154771454,0.12714789473557098,0.0,0.4954940524473685,0.169477226792365,0.0,0.0,0.07620597276548037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078177827049587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466629220707655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463805507029229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569889158658756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320960506838544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254509581700317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625834112542115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062133420393175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325362763603864,0.2476679704553179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590299341619686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216133182847708,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sabaping,2018/04/10,"Im so lucky The other day I tried to break up with my girlfriend. I thought it was because we didnt feel that way about each other anymore, but in reality she was having a bad week which made her sort of distant and I was afraid of her leaving me when she never actually wanted to. I just wanted to get rid of her before she could get rid of me I guess. But luckily she calmed me down and talked me through everything and made it clear she wanted to be with me. Seriously I'm so stupid and if she wasnt so understanding I would hate myself right now. ",2.7340193236714967,4.0737161217391336,4.271594202898552,87.19599033816428,74.73913043478261,7.1980676328502415,24.082125603864736,7.793537801064563,1.0358792270531405,434,13,95,6,9,145,73,115,0.13699999999999998,0.758,0.105,-0.7174,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,7,7,2,1,2,0,9,0,0,2,2,27,22,11,0,6,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,8,1,23,2,15,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,4,5,70,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.19899188592490166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022291516685677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702607307954424,0.1243048543798433,0.0,0.173516873552339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628097483426776,0.0,0.0,0.13150847803237353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326589387442765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310568620374096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130746219270825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463565673454866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132410992361385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202634809088805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215916825216038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858991131000117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727202525441905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17414252424979298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389936782357833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188594481896007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844508126601007,0.0,0.0,0.2122829848999166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608235240579625,0.16185844784744827,0.1635685275893433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485555539959288,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DudeWtfusayin,2018/04/10,"My fiance has BPD and we've been living together in my room for 3 years now. I need help coping with this. I've been living with my SO for more than 3 years now due to her own family not being able to take care of her. I don't want to get into details but she was living with her grandmother (I'm certain not bloodrelated) for a couple of years due to her mom not being sober enough to take care of her. When we started out dating and she moved to to my parents place because of her horrible situation (BPD starting to manifest and a horrible family not being able to cope with it and unaware of the illness) and in the beginning it was a dream. Slowly she started to spiral down and started limiting me. First no female friends, then no female contact whatsoever, and no porn. I agreed to this since i don't really needed that and i was not aware that i was spoiliing her and broadening her comfort zone. All i wanted to do was to make her feel better and for it to go away and so i accepted those terms (among a couple others).It was only way later that i realized that i enabled her to develope the illness more and more. Her paranoia was getting worse and worse till I started investigating what it could be and i came to the conclusion it's BPD (which was confirmed a year later by several psychologists). It spiraled down way faster than it usually does according to therapists and she got very violent and did the whole hair pulling, scratching, cutting thing. After her attempting suicide with pills i called the police and she was taken to a psych ward for 5 days. Since then she did not have heavy episodes due to the fear of going back (it was a horrible place and she dreaded it for a long time). She now has been going to a regular therapist for a couple of months and for the last year it's been steadily improving to the point i can talk to girls at work (if it's work stuff). I am even able to potentially go out with friends without her dying from paranoia. But recently (past 3 months i'd say) it's been getting worse again. She is so depressed that she simply does nothing all day. I come home after work and see the same image every day like a dad with a lazy son and have no idea how to encourage her to get shit done. Due to a lot of my own issues for which i'd probably get help too, but can't, i am really struggling to get through the day. We play a few rounds of a videogame we like to play each day and then go on with our own business (Youtube and music) which is a horrible lifestyle i know. I don't earn enough to emancipate which i think would help create some healthy pressure to get shit done. There's so much stuff to tell but i feel like the more i write the less people will read and potentially give advice so i'll keep it as short as possible. Any advice on how to cope? How can i get her to be a bit more active? Sex is almost nonexistent since she is apparently ""age regressing"" and sees it as something.. dirty. She used to be (without getting too much into it) *very* active. How can I get her to develope a healthy routine? There's so many things she used to want to do and doesn't anymore. She lives in her own literature world and doesn't get out. I just don't know what the hell i can do. Sorry for the rant.",3.680166635461525,4.99834254434251,4.73518379828996,84.88602228047183,72.33333333333334,8.091069088185732,26.9555014666417,8.603709575120403,1.823060762653685,2560,89,526,45,49,838,278,654,0.159,0.722,0.119,-0.9878,2,0,1,0,0,1,62.0,4,0,0,10,22,24,5,4,33,0,52,8,3,7,3,93,100,50,2,8,14,4,5,3,2,2,3,1,2,1,33,46,0,2,9,4,0,9,19,10,0,1,22,8,67,14,92,69,24,79,1,1,3,2,53,21,3,4,50,367,100,6,0.18126980725702746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180898384757716,0.0,0.0,0.06050517586616831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04108989498044452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599236467162489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05676965031838116,0.046461764221070456,0.0,0.03683346400612061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534394712614011,0.06596656035206924,0.0,0.2283029765897977,0.0,0.061698913462956986,0.06910812289146039,0.12321109966526494,0.0,0.0,0.05204929607542548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048243063678758406,0.20057159392306373,0.0,0.1948400493396419,0.0,0.052042473124409065,0.0,0.06270981370702346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057536199241996,0.12366796557117984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248667782468996,0.0,0.03990899936566602,0.0,0.05090921023890849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392336112147702,0.0679929763901332,0.06110364073163154,0.043166395507946834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051396001817034534,0.0,0.0,0.0933657356183871,0.0,0.34725530640683305,0.0579635055349167,0.17169968138086034,0.0,0.048326008058493054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215013308008397,0.0,0.06060946550515847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821051605213709,0.0,0.06306619446729557,0.0,0.05370697784486205,0.0,0.0,0.06641409696897138,0.04925302889112163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855927153414801,0.0,0.21341941443303475,0.05347269173143153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136970262009132,0.0,0.0,0.040333001309062484,0.06125971104578407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076700247509872,0.09645855382514744,0.06422037260896897,0.0888361103368382,0.08960617681313209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057977756312284925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595461891644072,0.0,0.0,0.06709288970784562,0.0,0.05768084737768591,0.04188988678491433,0.0,0.12625891151454205,0.0,0.05711951981251096,0.06811815713109154,0.0,0.0,0.06514650372629209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060439620480417025,0.0,0.07741738680502963,0.0,0.05966068870460783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480510087893689,0.0,0.0,0.09629904486852628,0.0,0.0,0.06826109526705416,0.12404723482147555,0.1499482577535152,0.06791828608803266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046516784555991536,0.0,0.06763890281551246,0.2138395042785028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316752014659233,0.13834037392525206,0.06609324928631294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908615571676168,0.04856593489831258,0.05281260044427165,0.0,0.0,0.14031214506305506,0.08028507020271806,0.03871679104542897,0.0,0.0,0.035233294114915936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437260842193434,0.06654769436271482,0.09971105006467873,0.1069176288589552,0.09592235705707523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746042209481773,0.0,0.11649175037841175,0.0,0.1319665785961007,0.0,0.18472941990779515,0.042922956730181414,0.0,0.0,0.1945530211824051 bpd,Little_potato_poops,2018/04/10,"DAE feel like they are trying to come up with the coolest scenario for a TV show instead of living a life? ""Ooh, that would be an interesting plot twist..."" I think I'm overall referring to ""your life is so entertaining"" comments. When life is stable, I feel like I'm disappointing my viewers. They don't want a healthy stable plot line, they want to see my world burn, and I oblige.",2.8230115830115814,5.078718135135134,3.522046332046333,88.64013513513515,77.1081081081081,6.390733590733591,25.43629343629344,7.447530270364453,1.1709212355212353,298,11,61,4,7,94,54,74,0.1,0.698,0.201,0.8376,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,3,0,3,5,0,0,5,0,6,3,0,0,0,10,15,3,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,9,4,7,13,0,4,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23502662490306556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759111752373002,0.3898324477150255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5781427271640553,0.2665906907736509,0.0,0.2409218204906084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741734474219387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482420344932625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523975972792867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218550021879865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938169852774977,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dingdongsingsongfrog,2018/04/10,"Racing thoughts DAE wake up with their brain running full speed? I'm trying to break-down my symptoms/life, and I'm wondering if this is a BPD thing. I've always had a hard time falling asleep; until I had kids I literally could not nap, I just could not get my brain to quiet down enough to try and fall asleep, no matter how tired I was. I drank a lot in my early twenties, almost nighty I'd say. I legit had a problem but never addressed it, I just stopped when I got pregnant with my first child. I remember needing Benadryl to sleep then. I continued to drink after my baby was born, but differently. Eventually I started using weed at night. The biggest hurdle I have is racing thoughts. They are so disruptive. Honestly, I could be having a fine day, but once my head hits the pillow my mind begins to dissect everything in my life, re-hash every fear and doubt about my future, my relationships, everything. Preparing arguments or defenses to conversations that haven't happened yet. Sometimes it's not negative, I just can't stop ""thinking"", my brain won't shut up. It doesn't just happen when I'm trying to fall asleep, it also can happen as I'm waking up. It's very disorienting, like waking up in the middle of a fight. My brain is slapping me with suggestions, arguments, annoyances, etc., and I'm not even aware I'm awake yet. I wake up a lot in the night; if my brain is doing the non-stop thing when I wake up, I'm not going back to bed, it just doesn't happen. I'll lose hours of sleep because of this. There's no turning it off. Well, smoking turns it off, but I'm trying to be sober, so that's not a real option. Am I alone in this? How do/have others cope with? Also, I tend to have intrusive thoughts a lot during the day. Mostly it's re-playing my most embarrassing moments reel, I know that's typical.....but does anyone else get 'ticks'? I don't know how to describe it; I call it ""my tourettes"" to my partner, but I'm very aware of the differences. I yip, or shiver, or ....make verbal noises and move my body to make the thoughts stop, or when I'm incredibly embarrassed by what I'm thinking about. Am I alone in that? Sorry to go on forever....I can't sleep, obviously ;) Thanks for listening ",3.3210551948051936,4.89735094318182,4.679675324675326,83.9027272727273,73.6590909090909,7.664935064935065,25.98051948051948,8.329178653251315,1.6774655844155846,1725,59,345,29,35,573,217,440,0.13,0.797,0.073,-0.9694,1,2,1,0,1,0,87.0,0,0,2,2,24,14,3,4,17,0,29,22,18,6,2,69,71,30,0,7,22,0,1,1,1,1,2,3,3,3,22,9,2,4,10,2,0,7,17,9,1,1,11,4,43,5,47,53,8,57,0,1,0,0,12,21,0,15,30,216,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714203713201691,0.15957545873441945,0.0,0.12321389581430073,0.06410146185778208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053866487271467034,0.07893413407686682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923716590277569,0.0,0.04696141127406835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557141646705592,0.09702617142702907,0.42999724631786174,0.078664011883748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452478600677694,0.0,0.0,0.09936576899938863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097580910840595,0.0,0.0,0.06741613058924611,0.0,0.0,0.07546752807884287,0.0,0.0,0.06435503688428969,0.0,0.0,0.07960044331896313,0.08591729776010001,0.05088261403912872,0.0,0.06490750800060834,0.0,0.1384728707126395,0.0,0.0,0.08668872760581184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552815067221075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804979419533186,0.0,0.08756449680229053,0.0,0.061614013259565226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27249641208845143,0.0,0.06901056573696758,0.0,0.07906281195729023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586652660214932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467571015415366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441394135292938,0.037636684329191705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618537876584591,0.0,0.19648386027725992,0.0,0.0,0.10284640413281136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777860239125167,0.0,0.0,0.08187878636021198,0.0,0.057122410769173584,0.059416153107823215,0.0,0.0,0.14458915433554392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204253911341483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371458744458857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768566446873978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270956130772655,0.08726859316158961,0.0,0.0,0.061263398563774975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312797332543485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619216492837529,0.08623729586547156,0.05452761600373486,0.0,0.0,0.25762756181800706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092587983397391,0.0,0.0,0.10236072828585396,0.09872517812576236,0.0,0.2446370247425217,0.04492124919871327,0.08854339860068859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092139179162799,0.16758959288926886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653575928991189,0.0,0.12712819054646868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069266062136645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354400051577998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,harleyquite,2018/04/10,"How can I keep words from tearing me to shreds? I have an fp who loves me greatly, but suffers from cptsd. When he gets angry at me or upset about something that could affect me badly (job, finances, social issues) he explodes with extreme rage and says awful things. His actions don't match his words, but they still tear me apart. How do I cope? Does anyone else have this problem?",4.009497716894977,5.931136000000002,3.7029452054794514,90.18446347031966,72.56164383561644,4.866666666666667,24.495433789954337,3.1291,0.24981461187214604,300,9,56,0,6,90,59,73,0.32299999999999995,0.652,0.025,-0.9846,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,1,1,1,1,6,1,0,3,0,13,9,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,11,2,6,8,0,5,0,1,0,1,9,2,0,1,2,36,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884760012245804,0.2761863768089656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250634373414278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21521416843158947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588548938526635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22517488377298006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082902909288478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971804161041067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28134072679965483,0.26748731336026793,0.2395889003406107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24327988152256574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25792345811335343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435740415997495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747728248277319,0.0,0.20751317065995192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21526340520431192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907739790536487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,illendmylife,2018/04/10,"I have to pretend to be ill Everyone I open up to disagrees. They think i'm misdiagnosed. It really hurts and I feel like a fake. I talked to my DBT therapist about this and they said I definitely have BPD. I was already underweight but I started losing more weight so I can be sick without people giving their opinion and invalidating my life. I was happy my psychiatrist asked me if i'm trying to die, but honestly it takes so much effort to continue losing weight. I wish I could be closer to the borderline stereotype, people wouldn't disregard my issues then. that's a horrible thing to wish. *gasp* Someone with BPD feeling invalidated? I feel so fake. I hate myself. ",2.417175196850394,5.287413763779528,4.415861220472442,77.54064222440945,84.59055118110236,7.584448818897639,25.26033464566929,8.472884824447931,2.437425590551181,536,22,93,14,16,182,83,127,0.295,0.5529999999999999,0.152,-0.9724,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,3,4,9,1,0,3,0,10,5,0,0,0,19,24,10,1,5,4,0,5,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,5,2,1,4,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,6,22,3,12,16,2,6,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,2,4,64,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628778824298706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798405254478702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717886154146842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784486201015362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15318325121711696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103605759520538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388970230888247,0.10544392362770913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158929368315834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571206411384386,0.0,0.14572230591088134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800653627570624,0.0,0.0,0.15405379380531145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425271665014774,0.07210884728185646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302484491459349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850139238537793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046515105533295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455495328795213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039934173066018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505916758579114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447050809965627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097520399766886,0.11863354978024987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17137246385727395,0.09805744388991408,0.09457473365717126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002092421605984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594688026525825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33946045476442144,0.14227904699499488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,livebebrave,2018/04/10,"Boredom Anyone just incredibly bored all the time and get angry that you are? If so, how do you deal? ",2.1744999999999983,4.465879450000003,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,79.5,6.0,20.0,7.1686216300943375,0.4455,79,2,16,1,2,26,19,20,0.329,0.6709999999999999,0.0,-0.8102,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752376188269944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7007048415299658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35509694609910725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963181671071888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,overlycuriousmind,2018/04/10,Anyone have experience with Citalopram? Hey! Curious if anyone on here has tried Citalopram and if they had any luck with it?,3.859848484848485,7.1584283181818185,3.897272727272728,80.18257575757578,84.0,6.56969696969697,25.51515151515152,7.793537801064563,2.090224242424242,101,4,16,2,3,31,18,22,0.0,0.7709999999999999,0.229,0.7142,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472134828137056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7140220525564434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994474771349946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346651876381694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,imgonnapasss,2018/04/11,"Today has been a hard day I have been doing really well in the past couple months- cutting out toxic people, focusing on myself and building healthy habits but some days are just so difficult. I was really hoping someone on here could symphatize with me because the feeling of being alone and wanting to distance yourself can be hard to rationalize sometimes. Do you guys feel like you will never fit in with anyone? I have virtually no friends and I have no one to share these things with, it's so hard to watch other people with their close relationships and best friends from childhood and all I have is myself. I finally managed to get myself out of a depressed state but sometimes i am really scared that im going to end up snapping one day ",5.823,7.369178157142862,6.137142857142859,75.99785714285714,67.42857142857143,8.457142857142857,31.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,2.8283,602,25,100,10,10,193,96,140,0.17600000000000002,0.648,0.17600000000000002,0.4713,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,1,5,11,1,1,4,0,18,0,0,0,2,23,24,9,0,3,3,0,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,5,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,2,3,6,14,7,20,17,3,21,0,1,1,0,8,9,0,2,11,81,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378764494276104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038254915200356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051623476824312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582783845648676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185547055025878,0.16429792828575618,0.0,0.2872852954370921,0.0,0.12789154760101354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151531831340407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015887424380386,0.10607906954520707,0.0,0.1626601386923098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294412179951178,0.0,0.07757827559401369,0.0,0.0843885259714913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702537402050986,0.0,0.0,0.3990452842195096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748099368520173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039133023634855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254319796220726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185208252744219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452224960503588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123712980736388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417475457101248,0.20588423755139407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285373527101205,0.0,0.0,0.15941935869892776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866128856960667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581246675187924,0.0,0.29371467769179965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864809703543677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074821711365573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758141955779593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350755379224186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,seahorse77,2018/04/11,"I can't let go of the past I can't understand why I can't let go of the past. Every wrong word spoken to me, every dirty look,rude comment, or nay perceived injustice is locked into my brain, ready to pop up without any particular reason. I can get angry over things that happened YEARS ago. I've been triggered within the last hour and I just can't shake it. Hoping writing about it will help. ",3.605666666666668,4.911568900000006,4.507500000000004,86.4941666666667,72.5,6.833333333333335,24.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.9639583333333333,312,9,63,3,6,101,60,80,0.185,0.7340000000000001,0.081,-0.8629,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,0,10,1,1,2,0,12,16,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,10,12,0,13,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765144546581044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354134827840918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22229207058043854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355469011307541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403586504039804,0.0,0.2263374180904237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608773133893826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347092088759707,0.0,0.0,0.19777847132556536,0.19610041029973405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231543504762985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072425829978768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672168921616985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801793329998722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473616571100287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229141832668845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729868031847007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968153595637784,0.0,0.0,0.19195173949535765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771458839469926,0.0,0.12823153817752422 bpd,FeelsThrownaway,2018/04/11,"I don't know really, just thoughts stuck in my head Yesterday and today I've been talking to someone online, just for a few hours. She seems like a nice person, but I'm feeling extremely lonely, almost like a friendship has just ended. Thing is, I think our friendship is only just starting. I think I'm just afraid I'm going to screw up even before there is anything to screw up. I'm afraid I'm never going to have a normal life (normal as in healthy relationships, a career and such). Not because I can't do it, but because I'm afraid of changing who I am, afraid of the future. I know everything has got to end some time, but I don't want things to end. My grandparents visited today, and their age is starting to get to them. I don't want them to end, because even though they're far from perfect they're something that's always been a part of my life. I don't know where I was going with this post (it's useless, I know), but if you've got some helpful ideas or something for me (or questions idk (or conversations)) it would be hugely appreciated.",4.5370889487870665,5.210020094339622,5.39967654986523,83.32066037735851,69.75471698113208,7.755256064690027,28.350404312668466,7.7094869923839395,1.630895148247978,828,28,166,9,14,271,114,212,0.079,0.765,0.156,0.9648,1,2,2,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,3,1,11,12,2,4,7,0,19,5,1,0,2,39,45,13,0,6,14,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,11,0,0,4,7,8,0,0,7,1,20,4,21,36,4,26,0,2,0,2,13,7,2,9,16,103,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118992052818532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070321392978752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959397390312408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22132872990336225,0.0,0.10298409618766252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280293165304753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287719720802242,0.0,0.0,0.1598728833441454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877024266455032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061194313199160764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323101872011773,0.0,0.20634536245911053,0.0,0.19359087853930101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420745230569134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112108544450389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918609712016492,0.0,0.0,0.13662346900419814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660505987594792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096829363999025,0.11825424768063515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334260723378077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371593007611081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204562311669194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105921670006165,0.0,0.0,0.10567511615673232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590932296037185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557666561817044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753226744728313,0.0,0.0,0.12993648514428832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110177401064776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025448217235977,0.18634324561047966,0.0,0.0,0.17132545874501875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972760050102513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080841247347905,0.15509697353100305,0.11890729678236728,0.09608101720227012,0.0705711544939147,0.0,0.2294367355549599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276838037943726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597330130022884,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,EveRommel,2018/04/11,"My latest conflict with my BPD ex Finally put up a wall between me and my possible N but for sure borderline ex. I came to this page because I wanted to help her and understand her. What I learned was that I can do nothing for someone who doesn't want to do anything for themselves. She has treated me like a secondary person in her life for most of our friendship. Even though i was her ""best friend"" that she ""loved"" and cared for more than anyone. It finally came to a head on Monday when she texted me that she missed me but when I tried to make plans she said she already had plans for the night and that she said we could hang out soon which could mean next month. I got angry and called, she turned what was a disrespectful joke (in my mind), into an attack on me. She accused me of trying to hurt her through out our relationship and wouldn't remember events like they actually happened. She blocked me and so I went through and blocked her on all social media and phone because friends don't block each other, but now I feel bad. I feel like I overreacted, like I should give another chance to explain, that I should try to talk again. I know this will do nothing because it never has. Sorry if venting here isn't a good place.",5.504726775956283,5.851514336065577,5.358918032786885,85.61449726775959,67.52459016393442,8.309945355191259,30.610928961748645,8.021203637495839,1.8838440437158468,974,35,201,11,15,302,143,244,0.136,0.682,0.182,0.9318,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,1,3,9,17,1,0,7,0,19,3,1,1,3,46,40,17,0,8,4,2,2,4,2,4,1,2,0,1,14,17,0,4,8,1,0,5,5,4,0,0,10,4,45,13,30,24,6,30,0,2,0,1,37,11,0,2,18,143,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.1115326426578627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612421951352026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984527502642278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799157223268691,0.0,0.09405269362145953,0.0,0.0,0.1300238099984436,0.0,0.0,0.09542916364761332,0.20901428477466055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199425505872196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394695045037567,0.0,0.11670505446433813,0.2614395227824655,0.11652845479749713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250594891063407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548888113538052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557908104550015,0.08165032828023251,0.0,0.2504029075533181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660364905759307,0.0,0.0,0.10963943594335404,0.0,0.09586282521496954,0.09140986584628548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106816272324423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729670982475765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660761285591029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235210065669078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281197162910435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807279191226314,0.2233494676567793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315311940592804,0.0,0.0762908915294011,0.0,0.0,0.12449764730588173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540248126030413,0.0,0.09122689643857147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814914493246892,0.0,0.12155098844032725,0.10725543185249414,0.0,0.21933278329796546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979548896170236,0.11941096137583818,0.0,0.0,0.1288472161307552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489516928399945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227069866637958,0.12947071569399118,0.0,0.2174359972246797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650644447691462,0.09683936007431658,0.0,0.0,0.1279406944780602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771899018603504,0.0,0.0,0.09186369352876818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122914481202074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327905839699624,0.12431702946134107,0.0,0.11898214938332825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482493179477395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594995963830796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Kym_Of_Awesome,2018/04/11,i feel cursed i feel like theres nothing i can do to get better and that i have to be babied so that i dont hurt myself and others. im not even healthy enough to have natural friendships i just cause people to care about me and then suffer empathically and this post is fucking trash but *whatever*,2.030054644808743,4.230029737704921,3.4635245901639347,88.33878415300549,79.49180327868852,6.033879781420765,21.642076502732237,7.1686216300943375,0.6381453551912566,238,7,49,3,6,78,45,61,0.065,0.743,0.192,0.6695,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,10,12,7,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,8,3,5,11,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426470338939023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797258952127465,0.28184086779638234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215451064655253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834847787442672,0.0,0.18121063126511547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27744692890249784,0.19600115021085165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25363921384373395,0.14334054128671553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29370552408704903,0.0,0.2963533272393156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403728276959198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26325355152158303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020504018071271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627587761452642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,KinderSuprisedYou,2018/04/11,I've never been diagnosed. I am a bad person. I have hurt my girlfriend to the point where I might have driven her to someone else. Please help me. How do you make someone fall in love with you again and has anyone managed it?,1.2932608695652164,3.6078313695652175,2.363217391304349,94.50569565217394,83.13043478260869,4.549565217391304,20.069565217391304,5.6839178017228535,-0.1365426086956525,177,5,37,1,5,56,39,46,0.132,0.691,0.177,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,2,1,6,10,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,8,1,4,7,0,7,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,1,2,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19229179916153047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22961996758565245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791270572240246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22973367031010586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433188459813432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944014629591534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482052134692529,0.0,0.18356979533792372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917397425664411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121029151721243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24012614241488786,0.0,0.3018759044213936,0.2599711953354469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4660263146262213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ms_moment_killer,2018/04/11,"Paranoia/projection - I assume my SO judges me like I judge myself I can't seem to shake this paranoid feeling that my SO is judging me/patronizing me, and I always assume the worst despite the fact that he has no harmful intentions. I feel this way about everyone - they must all be judging me and thinking badly of me, because I think so badly of myself. How do I challenge these assumptions I have about my SO/other people?",4.9740740740740765,6.543220172839508,5.8453703703703725,77.1991666666667,69.49382716049382,7.869135802469136,32.01851851851852,8.344100000000001,2.6773851851851846,338,15,57,5,6,111,55,81,0.179,0.727,0.094,-0.8405,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,2,3,14,12,6,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,18,2,5,10,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,46,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684311827030381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5387193442923133,0.1966555333429041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082605819687677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262351066213983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760732118591014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365200367775095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936852650560404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134214034878398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560669054020148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,flyatnight,2018/04/11,"Does Anyone Else Have Family Members Obsessively Hate On You? I'm the ""Black Sheep"" because I don't like people touching me, my things, or my food, along with being a private person. I have multiple family members that constantly talk bad about me. Which, they don't even know anything about me since I don't even talk to them. I have one over (not my choice) and I was told I'm a horrible person for not responding to her. Fuck me for not wanting to talk to some creepy person that tries to hate on me. Can anyone else relate to this? I'm sorry if this is against the rules somehow, I just relate more to other people with BPD because they know how emotions get. :/ I can't wait for the day I move out and change my full name, ugh. ",3.5471243042671574,4.824603081632657,4.391886209029067,87.37703153988869,72.60544217687075,7.250216450216451,24.24799010513297,7.686295010490155,1.067631292517007,571,16,118,7,11,184,87,147,0.189,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,3,0,7,7,3,1,5,0,11,2,0,1,0,20,23,5,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,6,1,1,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,2,2,22,1,20,20,3,8,0,0,1,1,14,5,1,4,3,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945842406610193,0.2851371849101069,0.1145029503431142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161787118017686,0.1696407361237898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524591678149867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471949948237984,0.0,0.0,0.15036430531189382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973581575406536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176510148974586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23247248185560684,0.1565173069247474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380546638867426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623435422627137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825243997400866,0.0,0.0,0.12863559292720975,0.07269654892671226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27475009224134284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293886419345326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797831093279308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788713982642587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428699427060376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929286702210316,0.3644832745473244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510064517037714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557593559802348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355139613798243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244052098029704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295723530938344,0.0,0.09446906002124814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207023039895366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Corrina2017,2018/04/11,"Anyone else struggle with extreme violent behaviour? When I'm irritable or even justifiably upset about something, I often escalate unto full blown psycho killer mode and try to hurt my SO. I escalate by ruminating on what ever thing upset me in the first place, usually something my SO said, did, or didn't do, and repeatedly demand an explanation from him for his actions. His explanations are never satisfactory and as I'm getting angrier my SO usually tells me to check myself, but that just makes me angrier because it feels like he's dismissing the legitimacy of why I was upset at all. I get angrier and angrier to the point if vioence. I then transition from being upset about whatever I was upset about to having laser focus on the desire to injure or kill him. I taunt him by saying things like ""I never loved him"" or that ""I'm only using him"". He tries to calm me down by reminding me to use my DBT skills, but I don't listen. Usually the only way I come out of these is I eventually hurt him in some way and that gets through to the rest of me. I then get flooded with guilt and shame and try to engage in self-harm, and cry myself to the point of exhaustion. I realize this behavior is extremely abusive. My therapist and I have discussed what DBT skills I need to be using to nip these things in the bud, but my SO reminding me to do them is proving to be triggering in of itself because it feels invalidating. It feels like all of my thoughts or feelings about anything are symptomatic if they aren't in line with his thoughts or feelings when in reality its just that my level of agitation from the get go is inappropriate. So, any suggestions? I REALLY need to stop doing this before something serious happens. ",6.508282674772032,7.010166294832832,7.7543753799392094,68.76682142857143,65.38297872340425,11.32164133738602,34.38313069908814,11.10651602901591,4.089847294832827,1377,59,242,39,20,472,166,329,0.23,0.715,0.055,-0.9966,0,0,3,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,3,16,20,2,8,10,0,20,3,0,5,6,52,47,30,1,5,13,0,5,3,1,0,2,3,0,0,18,14,0,1,9,0,1,3,5,14,0,1,7,8,44,6,51,37,5,35,0,2,0,1,21,17,0,10,16,185,62,0,0.0,0.12357167467229692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092369093519907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292498978733597,0.10686182101346724,0.08582531099153097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715365753483449,0.0,0.08874675581361276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984029260734343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145623759721926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712449326608265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888539233041703,0.09434015271638314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636716236636871,0.14901571762348015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871266645755864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724472994342076,0.0,0.059272846239805874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222709273991432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329838062036428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538617505914918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528587602067008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412966510445933,0.0,0.0696172458141917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546657832346358,0.16087636592133747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864100848277396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089653310422644,0.0,0.19718362246861515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06681359026816476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920774920955536,0.08293900235383048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880168611597472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408725103375303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719469314860137,0.0,0.1090310325239826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115780298723848,0.0,0.0,0.12109370461573375,0.20786546820617127,0.0,0.0,0.16559602671921902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242692256677215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702303312775861,0.3445962645811721,0.0,0.0,0.1655678995755423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410937124518826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,shinebrightlike,2018/04/11,"good stuff that has happened since diagnosis I was diagnosed in March of 2015. Since then these are the things I have done with my life! 1) Went back to school. I have a 4.0 gpa. I want to become a therapist now. It will take a while but that's fine with me. 2) Have worked full-time for a year and two months non-stop! Changed jobs (upgraded!) seamlessly once over that time. I only called in sick a few times for the flu/a cold and ONCE in that time for being too hungover (I'm human it's ok!). 3) I haven't had a fight with my husband in over a year. We have had disagreements/discussions that last five minutes or less, but zero fighting/yelling/screaming. 4) I lost over 40 pounds. I am wearing a size 12 for the first time since 2011. 5) I came out as bisexual (bpd would make me doubt and question it for years!) and I am out at work and to my parents! 6) I started working with a woman who has a difficult personality and handled it like a pro. HR moved her away from me because I handled myself professionally (on the outside) even though I was falling apart (on the inside). I feel really proud of myself for handling it well. 7) I have developed closer relationships with my sister, and other friends who I had normally kept at arm's length. I still have a long way to go to reach my full potential, but I wanted to share some of the things I have been able to accomplish due to sticking with the same therapist for over six years at this point. DON'T GIVE UP. The proof is in the pudding. Thanks.",1.5498027408637858,3.869870445182727,2.818636835548173,91.60792203073092,82.08970099667773,6.1545265780730904,22.363060631229235,7.413659706084162,0.808555564784053,1168,39,251,18,32,376,181,301,0.054000000000000006,0.825,0.121,0.9558,2,0,0,0,4,0,52.0,1,0,0,7,7,13,1,1,21,1,25,5,2,1,1,33,40,15,0,4,4,3,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,3,18,17,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,4,1,5,11,2,31,9,44,26,5,48,0,1,0,0,17,22,0,4,21,169,49,8,0.1145899402492216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766102093431183,0.08811259083676469,0.0,0.06985296399055314,0.12655558613089066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443220183328691,0.0,0.11700914091783553,0.13106036453670866,0.0,0.0,0.12122096269982567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630637725366715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726529365243955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568557481114553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05794011683246919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747014463768977,0.0,0.0,0.08853190358391164,0.0,0.0,0.10992511223554634,0.06512410376984196,0.09611260519815587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133150572329744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371283417950954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934060954187065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093826362516301,0.055982856644314086,0.0,0.0,0.10140849118543273,0.0,0.0,0.12508845611962413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764896749218241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146459705512924,0.12179097177959645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122738116962292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24406909310868474,0.0,0.08715081318000148,0.0,0.0,0.12723856784161044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005551588558058,0.0,0.0,0.10832453227744213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283669582189401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340924996676716,0.0,0.0,0.12302671173967372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597113719714933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843699481417757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110734949958473,0.0,0.09151167430488852,0.09580232104621876,0.0,0.0,0.1311780661823513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615737417339367,0.0,0.0,0.10549902133747507,0.0,0.2660955052964388,0.1522569291044033,0.0,0.11258403448995538,0.0,0.2672732626688408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193772105394688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517623136393725,0.09095616084715036,0.0,0.0,0.10303011798263867,0.10622602263851376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502685237831046,0.0,0.0,0.08140140580704562,0.0,0.0,0.29516865816692345 bpd,ale104,2018/04/11,"Trouble figuring out values Hi all, Do any of you struggle with finding our who you are, what you want to do, what your values are? I am going through therapy and taking Prozac, but things recently have spiraled and I can't find my way back to my original self (if I even have one at this point). I keep pushing people away and back to self-destructive habits. How do you figure out who you are when all I do is chase attention and numbing when I feel impulsive?",6.458241758241755,6.028311527472532,6.6794285714285735,79.59057142857147,65.5934065934066,10.356923076923078,33.58461538461537,9.888512548439397,3.064633406593406,363,14,72,7,5,117,62,91,0.068,0.8420000000000001,0.09,0.2523,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,6,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,0,12,2,0,2,2,21,17,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,6,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,1,15,0,10,17,2,14,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,6,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505491315766116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079981357802861,0.3404622113698948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622245200315098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193871452694673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4046830595495052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581797999810704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677682014024045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500159463712691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348021892761735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092800214733856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21859060185030685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619048767159342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314392700795049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645368078688838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25317260409742964,0.0,0.14707810281991313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057838334385896,0.1757248048528368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway97263628,2018/04/11,"How to prevent/lessen obsessing? I was dating a guy with bpd a last year but we parted ways when he moved away. I’ll be visiting his city soon and we’re planning on hanging out a lot. I don’t want to sound like a disgusting or arrogant human but I’m worried he might start obsessing over me, it has happened in the past. Since that cannot be fun for him, is there any way to possibly try and prevent or lessen it? Should I keep my distance or something? Or seem less desirable as a partner? I’m clearly a compete airhead with all this, any advice is appreciated.",2.0960287081339715,4.2447553333333365,3.771116427432218,86.48433014354067,79.0,6.952472089314195,27.90749601275917,8.00094639256281,1.909554385964913,444,20,90,8,11,148,86,114,0.17,0.6970000000000001,0.133,-0.7686,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,2,4,5,1,2,7,0,10,0,0,1,2,23,17,11,0,3,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,3,4,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,1,1,8,2,12,12,4,17,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,7,8,57,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20626786974917605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870873638318193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983194318617109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658516558037595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090053616221068,0.1866600044318492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762027374605575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206082215364635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312449415160233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945522266539232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392571140145506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243478291363429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285823247990155,0.20150261305275075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379643726170842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19216204025800646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461004321589016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250201002543208,0.0,0.0,0.14940563755549974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433115047136152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245022254696055,0.3350957289274669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436503804612256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135930534753994 bpd,BitchCallMeGoku,2018/04/11,Slowly realizing that I'm not healthy enough to date anyone even though I badly want to :( I found out that a friend of a friend was recently single and popped into her DMS. I was confident because I had already heard she found me attractive and wanted to get to know her better. We've been messaging for two days and I already find myself obsessing over whether she messages me back (especially if she's online but not answering me). I feel super anxious and clingy. Help :(,4.1367696629213455,6.512515528089888,4.924030898876406,79.57458567415732,73.49438202247191,8.045505617977529,27.97893258426966,8.841846274778883,2.4854370786516853,378,15,66,8,8,122,65,89,0.13699999999999998,0.66,0.203,0.763,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,20,13,8,0,3,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,2,15,5,9,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,4,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450201821158714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22779103174741344,0.0,0.14098842173612935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155045464291441,0.16835744930446808,0.12291529656769187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833045671252293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003839358614888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834365561055432,0.0,0.13317852732872293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195310602128213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842914448751126,0.0,0.0,0.4421664383124964,0.3115665982674827,0.0,0.10534636992207058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515220929055893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081374838733693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990910017135792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19810612460183646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969688527793636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378600079052953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,babooshkaa,2018/04/11,"Had a really bad weekend so sad now I went out with an old friend after having abstained from alcohol for a long time. I was meeting up with a guy from the bagel website and I got intimidated and nervous and took my friend with me. We all had drinks and he left and my friend and I went out and had a fun night. She asked me to stay for the weekend I said heck yah and the next morning we went to brunch. There was a lot of alcohol involved and we went back to her apt and she took a nap. When she got up she was sad from a recent breakup and I was trying to comfort her and she got angry and told me she wanted to be alone. I took that to mean she wanted me to leave but that led to an argument and she got upset said I was trying to make this about me. That hurt my feelings and now I was crying and decided I would get a an über home since I had already had a bunch of beers. I was confused and upset and my contact fell out and I get angry and left. I called her a bitch. I sat in my car for awhile and thought but was not about to drive home. I asked a few friends (2) if they could scoop me up but they couldn’t so I called another guy I had gone on a date with from the bagel website who I’ve been texting for over a month and we went out on one date. He was pissed but agreed to come save me. We talked and I try to explain what happened but he said it didn’t sound right but we decided to go his place and hang and me catch some sleep. We had nice time aside from me being emotional mess and we were making out and he wanted to have sex. I did too but I said I didn’t want to unless he actually liked me. He said he did and so you know what happens next. When I woke up the next day he wouldn’t talk to me or look at me and was upset he had to drive me to my car. I said I would take the train but it doesn’t run that way on Sundays. I sent a few feeler snaps after a day or two and he opened them but didn’t say anything. I sent one message last night saying sorry and thank you and I would take him to dinner if he decided he wanted to see me again. Nothing.......so I don’t know. I can’t believe I lost 2 friends in one fail swoop. Wish I could do something as well as I do that. And to top it all off there’s no way I’m going to be able to pay rent bc I had a major breakdown last month and barely worked. ",-0.24255818221863026,1.5448156361867758,1.7370112326554583,99.88246567799723,85.24513618677042,4.735276411423537,17.285661845679464,5.731675538569872,-0.730829557301226,1783,39,452,11,53,590,216,514,0.136,0.77,0.094,-0.9741,1,1,5,0,0,0,34.0,8,2,3,4,15,26,2,5,25,1,43,9,2,3,2,100,97,55,0,15,15,0,1,1,5,4,2,9,3,2,12,53,6,1,9,5,2,23,10,14,1,4,52,12,80,12,62,35,8,78,0,5,2,1,68,23,3,7,30,295,92,3,0.0681447697925583,0.0,0.06649946531631629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565206952080262,0.0,0.07057743011781042,0.0751994479931345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145573277943086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607733922859265,0.0,0.12741232177660866,0.0,0.0,0.05239912164486881,0.056898036367850374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677581999139188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916685800043568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058700685226007035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881610737794636,0.0,0.07485382978525013,0.08789547808010392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675593141189673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665369398136766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034456043128352765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632424005066015,0.0,0.0712056592899203,0.0,0.07745648613989403,0.0,0.2180063901852022,0.0,0.0,0.1349480716001551,0.12052038975200205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670952057369415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295038546658575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490116667659903,0.11109416508440367,0.0,0.07215547188231486,0.14807898353704005,0.0,0.0,0.033292092395366187,0.0,0.0,0.06030597687556551,0.057224443926917584,0.0,0.07438806606792188,0.057934246397604514,0.0,0.0,0.09097432597868434,0.0,0.0,0.07422963162790992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087850102187871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741820727983102,0.12789850039402156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150647271316643,0.0,0.13852997883582432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119678055831251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0436552844756693,0.0,0.06728473912386815,0.0,0.0,0.05819526106614844,0.3889276864079189,0.1083829121396541,0.0,0.0,0.054302558791581884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637005776102491,0.0,0.06819398313033047,0.0,0.0,0.052461173038542835,0.0,0.07628249068829354,0.0,0.07263325764873779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247277232552884,0.10954436936251273,0.0,0.06273854848642589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409933537064069,0.07947152654352589,0.0,0.0,0.0651152478167431,0.22713403983235697,0.13879747664693398,0.0,0.06656753826500607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096775396877992,0.108180292766774,0.0,0.0,0.06127033190136188,0.3158544215546783,0.0,0.0,0.07836312221450331,0.0,0.0,0.0496102040092736,0.0,0.0,0.1452242678750177,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway2783499,2018/04/11,Half way through my college program and ready to quit.. what should I do?? I have bpd depression and anxiety. I've missed a lot of time the last 2 weeks as I've been exhausted and too moody to go. I've wanted to do this program for a while now and was lucky to get in now I'm ruining it for myself. I hate this and I hate me. What should I do? I cant stop changing my mind on things and my family is annoyed that I cant stick to one thing ,0.25913832199546505,1.7614829183673493,2.5036054421768696,96.50726757369615,82.06122448979592,6.396371882086169,21.092970521541947,7.3871296695380915,0.3867446712018143,338,10,86,5,9,115,63,98,0.246,0.684,0.07,-0.9513,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,3,0,3,0,11,1,0,0,0,13,18,8,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,2,2,0,12,1,12,14,1,11,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,7,59,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112300804268375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981946461606806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504638065423941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20392358116131606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231990370854348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369886889479965,0.0,0.1345578402000263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675087901801037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929934038781969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012873926348367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23906308510053714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043670180990546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518265401368476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794442702332185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145895659183634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138058379640181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396489217187011,0.18793140861842292,0.18991695647840892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,hamitheflightless,2018/04/11,"Is this relapsing? I was doing great these past few weeks. But yesterday I had a mental breakdown. I had panic attacks the whole day and even after grounding and everything, it kept coming back. I spent the entire night crying and today I just couldn't go to work. I feel like a mess now. Especially after I saw how it affected my loved ones, I feel so guilty and I wish I didn't have to be like this. I get upset over the smallest things that shouldn't matter. I get upset when I don't feel loved by people that matter to me. But when they try to care for me, I feel like they're pretending. I really hate the way I feel. It's like I know they're all petty things and probably untrue, but I get overwhelmed regardless, no matter how hard I try to follow my therapist's advice. I was so much better at this, I thought I had actually changed. I have no idea what I did wrong, everything seems so difficult now. I'm so angry with myself. 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I get into these irritable moods where just everything annoys me. Hearing music coming out of someone’s headphones, the sound of fingers tapping on something, even when someone asks me a question. This usually happens when I’m stressed or angry about something. Sometimes I just explode at someone. Some people have begun to notice this and make fun of me for it. I don’t mean to do it. I don’t want to hurt anyone. It’s on impulse. Is this a BPD thing or am I just an asshole?",2.6925999999999988,5.112663060000003,3.8859999999999992,85.01300000000002,78.4,5.2,29.0,6.2581,1.4874,406,19,72,3,10,132,68,100,0.152,0.802,0.046,-0.8948,0,0,2,1,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,1,4,0,7,1,1,1,0,15,16,5,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,3,8,1,14,16,1,11,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,4,4,53,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23660475257810346,0.17335631307368227,0.0,0.0,0.15817087317987552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261806263400633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574318259003924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480603034077079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133748412463906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174914975040756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205808366818474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839538553407868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961516293907448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906907068832976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18112261054765144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293639717380045,0.0,0.0,0.1842987473533744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262522990314407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729583065874215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953279370351306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300653018530353,0.2605032050854675,0.16733435986290293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19380787482774645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240307293352003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863401333304581,0.0,0.09979331569507924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bitchlasagne1,2018/04/11,"Boyfriend won’t listen to feelings My boyfriend always tells me to let stuff go when I bring up if I feel negatively about something. He’s scared thAt it’ll blow up into a big fight because that does happen often in our relationships. But now I feel like I’m not even being heard, I don’t want to start something I just want to tell him how I feel??? He’s always scared it’ll blow up so he just disregards my feelings all together and tells me to let it go. What do I do",2.455681818181816,3.9022902626262628,3.658472222222226,90.87437500000004,75.66666666666666,6.566161616161617,23.48611111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6755141414141415,372,11,83,4,8,121,61,99,0.124,0.8220000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.8178,0,0,2,0,1,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,9,4,1,2,1,0,9,0,0,1,1,18,24,6,0,3,5,0,5,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,7,2,0,1,5,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,1,7,13,1,11,17,1,12,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,2,4,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798921941586679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025259959862434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718267076479016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108675274471456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252051628483208,0.12015371923349205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117051647565006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872831381173468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439677609624364,0.0,0.08216828331564592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057123754588766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33677155737248304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589590631979681,0.0,0.0,0.11904450883965152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925353072879452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410118304598815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840357463040265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,0rdinarymadness-117,2018/04/11,"I want to kill myself. But I’m not going to die. My moods change so fast, but lately I’ve been feeling lower and lower. I can’t attribute it solely to borderline. Life has been getting me down. I’ve been sick a lot lately, and now I get anxious whenever I eat in front of people. That’s not a problem I used to have. I’ve been so paranoid about everything, especially things having to do with my body. I have a healthy and loving relationship that I constantly am fighting against poking holes into. But mostly, I feel stuck. I’m trapped here, somewhat by my own doing. I’m moving soon. Working towards it every day. I know leaving this place won’t solve my problems, but having a space to call my own and a job in my field will certainly help. Feeling like I’m accomplishing something and moving forward instead of being stuck will help me. In short though, I can’t help feeling like I just want it to end. I’m tried and everything hurts all the time. I’m so sick of being sick. ",2.5660770975056693,4.641409938775514,3.948503401360544,86.14808390022678,77.16326530612245,6.192290249433108,25.68480725623583,7.1686216300943375,1.2506222222222223,772,29,150,9,18,254,112,196,0.21,0.597,0.192,-0.8448,3,1,1,0,2,2,25.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,2,0,6,0,19,7,1,2,2,31,39,14,2,4,7,0,4,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,5,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,6,4,20,4,20,28,6,23,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,3,12,99,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383766191646422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125842138826806,0.0,0.0,0.13904870047563733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440538508495894,0.0,0.0,0.1471555281919111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782085174823058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413269312800151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933981881196075,0.0,0.0,0.12060959042108625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473232069493842,0.0,0.2447685067496721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27541430995100663,0.1945652155836111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229040639465199,0.0,0.07739072287690624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738233334378008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577689608101682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351315093507562,0.0,0.15065616153644065,0.0,0.07483757296911599,0.0,0.3072200118380846,0.14418841873128815,0.0,0.0,0.09618359973889852,0.1330553049829155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577011639649235,0.12290219364736653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894624509295333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440578437432266,0.0,0.14227266400814312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605999197044617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619972642312526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048332633393805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046783851376623,0.0,0.13379009167433698,0.0,0.07940405244083185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245308849320703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761046306784495,0.0,0.0,0.16063770025923255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913616642547396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,UpstairsWorking,2018/04/11,"Has anyone tried natural mood stabilizers? Did they work? I really dislike prescription psych drugs. I want to try natural ""mood stabilizer"" combinations (like mood stabilizer - xl) to soften the rage and explosive outbursts that happen at least once a week and are completely ruining my relationship. They escalate completely out of nowhere and I go from calm and mature discussion to completely deranged in a matter of minutes. Anyway, has anyone tried these supplements? How did they work? For the Mood Stabilizer XL that I'm looking into, all of the Amazon reviews are from bipolar, depressed, and anxious people and I'm wondering how someone with BPD would react?",7.118378378378381,10.244299081081085,7.448909909909911,61.427959459459494,67.1981981981982,11.28684684684685,37.22612612612613,11.00357731598739,5.5900190990990986,542,29,71,19,10,176,74,111,0.116,0.757,0.127,-0.5547,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,3,2,3,9,1,0,5,0,7,2,0,3,1,17,14,8,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,2,14,11,2,6,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,1,2,47,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070127274114088,0.0,0.2484431056581945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22375213774357355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5588083684787738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530152798135182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060251333322725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096628085901556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710105282805062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679399024386049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491867128361848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919837032159192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316464539314775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381130058985345,0.0,0.0,0.1907365907800989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505277726728767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618512976265557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478640435183126,0.0,0.1425053251388671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266089175861814,0.25867209015532705,0.0,0.0,0.12620207765283484,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,brandysnacker,2018/04/11,coping with being alone does anyone have any advice on coping with being alone day to day? i’m alone for 10 hours each day. can’t drive. (legally blind) no public transport here. i guess i’m just looking for advice on how you deal with it or support bc right now i’m dreading tomorrow and the seemingly endless supply of tomorrows that feel like torture ,3.098319327731094,5.710471352941178,3.816218487394959,85.00441176470592,78.11764705882355,5.650420168067227,24.420168067226893,6.868970318607317,1.1539344537815124,284,10,49,3,7,90,52,68,0.205,0.727,0.069,-0.8519,0,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,12,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,3,2,2,9,10,1,12,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,3,8,26,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779723147008126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6009055934672467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13151718146992272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522828534567166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741768744671515,0.1993847088271068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924377671555846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778777252168104,0.13816347484273087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130495543922723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045794198231986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448442892300543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240549980042446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516072172818946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606215462027758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946560762734746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TheBendernator,2018/04/12,"Who Needs to Know? Starting my first relationship since my BPD diagnosis and I don't know when/if to bring it up. What do you say? ""Hey I've got this thing but it's no big deal except it kind of is. I wouldn't Google it if I were you. I promise not to kill you in your sleep."" As you can see I'm really good at this. I have almost no problem talking about my other issues, but this one is really difficult for me. I haven't been able to talk to my family about it. I haven't been able to talk to my friends. While it's been nice to know why I ""snap"" and constantly worry about everyone leaving me, there's a deep rooted sickening feeling associated with it. It's been about 6 months since I was officially diagnosed, and I can't trust anyone to know. It's so lonely and isolating sometimes. Ultimately I don't know why I'm writing this, but maybe someone will read this and understand.",1.8400578592092565,3.7812325300546448,3.825721632915464,86.80718418514948,78.89071038251366,7.58457087753134,22.78656380585021,8.4952907291091,1.3719626486660237,695,22,151,15,17,236,104,183,0.152,0.7340000000000001,0.114,-0.802,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,5,0,1,6,11,1,1,1,0,18,2,1,1,0,25,32,12,1,4,6,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,18,6,0,0,7,1,0,1,9,5,0,2,7,3,23,6,21,23,0,11,0,1,1,0,15,5,0,2,5,98,41,1,0.2738800900531877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712567414561289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575166349723373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724711928974607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479835398314867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117917340521932,0.0,0.1389912631366904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085208145961594,0.0,0.0,0.12909488709916833,0.0,0.06924100135341797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164811323437663,0.0,0.0,0.1057995390930774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485881269187682,0.10952346371895344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292982886711653,0.0,0.0,0.15150387046629665,0.14260198399331755,0.3762933372752397,0.0,0.0,0.14499973510158318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757468122227734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093042374559903,0.0,0.0,0.10153930822620927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092794118546241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103312893340308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697710294759002,0.0,0.17545459878858544,0.0,0.0,0.14702235997735535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089002201760934,0.0,0.0,0.10912348619879768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22655644069075506,0.0,0.13703894148938833,0.0,0.11602885576379032,0.0,0.13543720607918588,0.0,0.09692686869636677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302016629869919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097688105003407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425594163227578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471341819500773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906926295247649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Icarus138,2018/04/12,"My loved one was recently diagnosed. What can I do to help? My girlfriend of over a year was recently diagnosed. We broke up a couple of days ago. I won't go into the full story but it's posted on other subreddits if you care enough to read it you can find it in my profile. I love her with all my heart, and the love is mutual, but she told me that she can't handle a relationship right now and confessed some feelings of wanting to hurt me (Which from my reading sounds like something to do with her BPD). I've done some reading since she got diagnosed but I was looking for some information from people who suffer from it, or are in a similar situation as me. I know I can't ""fix"" her and thats hard to accept, but what can I do in the meantime while she waits for a therapy program to begin? I do love her, and we talked about a future together and I still want that (As selfish as it sounds/feels to say that right now), but my concern right now is for her to get her mind stabilized. The breakup, while hard, was good. We're still on good terms. I've been trying to give her some space to breathe and sort it out without me still constantly being involved, and I've told her that I'm only a phone call/text away if she needs somebody. Is there anything else I can do? Is what I'm doing even correct? I love this girl, and I still have hope for our future together and as hard as this breakup is, it's nothing compared to how hard it is to see her go through this. ",4.769904970760238,4.612808519736845,5.552587719298245,85.33422514619886,69.06578947368422,8.860818713450293,29.71783625730994,8.515128840125781,1.9204998538011704,1146,39,252,16,18,375,152,304,0.067,0.7709999999999999,0.162,0.9888,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,3,2,0,0,11,15,0,0,11,0,28,10,2,1,2,44,53,25,0,6,9,0,5,1,1,1,3,2,0,1,22,15,0,1,6,3,0,2,4,4,0,1,9,9,41,11,42,42,8,37,1,3,2,5,38,15,0,9,20,181,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232642550098387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642667212946817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725736219554522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697045520445927,0.0,0.09483384887727032,0.0,0.0946903450145298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003628590146493,0.0,0.0,0.10276235112088823,0.0,0.059895485211126226,0.0,0.0,0.2827928138968793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504145615933723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758358232980961,0.0,0.0,0.09596276914315194,0.0,0.06134182601058176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391888942215493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488435766273672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048522376874281084,0.08909236833798315,0.10556387931287628,0.15579514908092645,0.07427912564153014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327843269273487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005510541458856,0.062250900903746284,0.0,0.0,0.09224397297558684,0.0,0.0,0.09942260578815612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05104064303382914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537311978431521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799003793610318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191081261159102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377538546323977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886424860194992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891142723876895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629332360048295,0.07063419987372695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438653405511913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894678538741488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786947863326963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340202181756501,0.09971098409465644,0.0,0.2379394349753791,0.0,0.07385644009221108,0.0,0.0,0.07400785974594383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682561230052774,0.10439328859077462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149827232351431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29667440418624397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464790337831648,0.0,0.0,0.10620851735447416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774885101175364,0.0,0.06305475845808338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955795586917713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952638248214574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980725031894048 bpd,ConsistentDonut,2018/04/12,"More pending social interactions and I don't want any of them. This week has sucked. Just literally every day has been filled with me crying over something. I'm trying to be more social but every social opportunity that presents itself to me involves at least 2 of my boyfriend's ex-flings (one of which was my best friend from 5th grade until i was a sophomore in university). I just can't stand to be around girls who make suggestive comments. It's not even that i don't trust my boyfriend, i just can't feel any security when these two individuals are around. My anxiety has only gotten worse since I came out as non-binary last week. I constantly worry that I'm not as feminine as the other girls he's been with and so on. I had a panic attack last night just because one of the girls sent him a tweet and i just haven't felt the same since. This weekend i'm supposed to go to a potluck at one of the girl's apartments despite not actually receiving a facebook invite that i know everyone swears she ""just forgot"" or ""she probably thought she invited me"" but of course i didn't get the actual invite so now i know i'm not actually wanted there. i'm just forced upon his friend group because we're together. And then friday night he wants to go see a movie with a group of friends but casually adds that my ex-friend/his ex-fling is probably going. I just can't handle being around people this week. every interaction has me feeling worse and worse about myself. i wanted to self-harm so badly this morning but i didn't. i know going and doing more things will only make it worse, but how can i keep someone i love from being social just because i'm a fucking disaster. i know that will only make him hate me. ",3.995316941123392,5.4971642873900315,5.131451612903227,81.63256203473945,71.81524926686217,7.944101060230093,26.01861042183623,8.502166056373571,1.745780870742161,1366,44,266,23,26,451,174,341,0.17600000000000002,0.722,0.103,-0.9825,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,2,21,15,4,1,13,0,27,2,0,4,0,53,63,22,0,4,19,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,18,15,0,3,8,2,0,8,12,6,0,4,13,4,37,9,34,44,6,35,0,0,1,2,31,11,2,1,15,173,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.2460757722429129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143201500975606,0.0,0.06430161170895746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244794978958948,0.0,0.09562435024361064,0.0,0.0,0.07018215946912677,0.153716885956881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821021677953877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613617880591313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083326446130513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233013569922906,0.054208324689378425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551733339666269,0.0,0.2124591176965814,0.08031786328444478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500115884053745,0.0,0.08070568886413039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597617958123996,0.07770721121118229,0.043915108977409315,0.0,0.1910808811412634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298660954659368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471167511419823,0.0,0.0,0.18477704889973934,0.13703159032828466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586264407197052,0.0,0.16832148509012504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775927472230478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087291032426702,0.19178214989490586,0.0,0.09862007414283204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827294213212685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18125035578371373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698070942296765,0.0,0.08768737867160882,0.0,0.0,0.13906182482260598,0.0,0.0,0.3427327057231015,0.07121927041842888,0.06470941085427072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584220451607386,0.0,0.0,0.06673003893507687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706762050023707,0.0,0.0821092235200868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19831054788609412,0.0,0.20227081900401736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536162301959832,0.3426356613362815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ricecxkes,2018/04/12,"6 years down the line I talk about some sensitive issues, if you don't feel you can hear about that, please don't read about this I don't want to upset anyone. Ever since I was 12, I knew there was something wrong. I didn't know what or why, but at that time I was sleeping 16 hours a day and unmotivated to do anything, all I remember of this time was feeling exhausted and just under the weather. At 13, I started selfharming. I think now looking back it was mainly for attention, which I'm not ashamed to admit, it's pretty common. I remember I soon went to my GP, and this was brushed off as being a teenager, I got a bit of counselling and that was it. I stopped selfharming for two years, and then at fifteen started again this time more aggressively, until it became habitual. When I was 17 my friend committed suicide. It was only a few months after that I had my first attempt, and went to see the mental health team. They decided again that I was a teenager and wanted to put me through tests for epilepsy which runs in the family. I knew in my heart this was wrong but went along with it, lacking the communicative skills to protest. This took 18 months before they decided it wasn't an issue. I stopping selfharming in this time and swapped it for another form. I started starving myself. I was at a bmi of 16 ish for a while and in this time I felt better than I had in years, the haze that comes with being underweight meant I wasn't affected by many symptoms. Or maybe I remember this time with rose tinted glasses. 1 year on, the beginning of this year, I had my second attempt this time more dangerous than the last. It lead to me seeing another psychiatrist and by the 13th of March I had a diagnosis and treatment plan. I'm still waiting to test medications and I feel that if this had happened any later I wouldn't be able to cope. The only Thing that seems to be keeping me going is the promise I'm on the right track. I suppose I'm writing this because I'm having a bad day and I want my story heard because I don't think anyone who has mental health issues for as long as I have should be labelled just a teenager. Tl;dr I went 6 years undiagnosed and virtually unhelped and now I seem to be getting help",4.6763807373965385,5.568945911963887,5.538300225733637,81.65676561324305,69.56433408577878,8.434883370955609,30.11655379984952,8.648137234880735,2.2465148833709554,1761,68,347,28,30,577,216,443,0.102,0.821,0.077,-0.921,0,0,1,0,0,1,39.0,0,2,2,8,15,12,3,2,23,0,38,7,2,2,3,65,80,28,1,8,9,0,4,0,1,2,5,2,0,0,35,20,0,4,19,2,0,10,9,9,0,3,31,10,48,3,54,41,9,68,0,0,3,0,13,15,0,7,43,245,83,5,0.08107182181127437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055131618902895335,0.17002174790296767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337460564838145,0.0,0.0667152015837806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233922670796086,0.06769158484015476,0.09884126018941633,0.0,0.06898614913956995,0.0,0.0,0.07170143816035424,0.08850943200015407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983619590071972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045692363275858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333410427769049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642729839630083,0.0,0.12297704713040733,0.0,0.0778416626982337,0.0,0.0,0.06895965021711062,0.0,0.0,0.06263588842404134,0.0,0.042356680780343214,0.0,0.04607498463621403,0.0,0.06484054195434366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169154428390677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235111099216754,0.09137383530184312,0.09607049919196307,0.054340733239437514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983941380921672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538537565512082,0.0,0.07206036025106301,0.0,0.0,0.044554953056169314,0.06608435528810484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174601112152547,0.06807991186139359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821941025910385,0.0814475418029061,0.0,0.0,0.08167133128662374,0.16340265617954616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942150939892508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331754744735958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899251493760789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247918862811941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149957310776773,0.0,0.0,0.0810937609976323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755157103150789,0.06923489285791974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920749115886335,0.1476094834646015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706344877537647,0.0,0.08113037091141441,0.0,0.0,0.0624130492411706,0.0,0.0,0.1721491582571906,0.0,0.06474406162322523,0.13555934638020387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867941457239628,0.0,0.0,0.08426466470807034,0.0,0.0651624594258729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386051602364751,0.1038950997599522,0.0,0.0,0.330915418823324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007377705150822,0.0,0.0,0.07919538971316782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434547830082907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30061756417151064,0.07315470926945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727862056565272,0.0,0.31324557121423663 bpd,AffectionateProposal,2018/04/12,"I hate myself. I can't ever do anything correctly. People criticising how I play games really upsets me. It happened a lot to me as a kid, it makes me anxious and I stop being able to play games for a while. there have been months I have gone without playing because it's just too raw. I have been trying to gently push back on my boyfriend doing it. but he was spectating a match of mine, and he told me i squandered my turn, and i might not win now. instead of being able to explain why im upset, i just gave him my laptop, told him to finish it, and shut down. ",3.4342948717948723,4.087373743589743,4.939391025641027,85.69831730769235,72.24786324786325,7.217521367521367,25.73611111111111,7.1686216300943375,1.1016675213675216,436,13,92,4,8,147,77,117,0.159,0.794,0.048,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,1,2,4,0,12,0,0,2,2,17,21,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,5,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,0,20,4,12,11,1,12,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,2,7,70,25,1,0.4242981923348773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396680928297873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458062987131784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312955977056584,0.0,0.12932411992695106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190100324842047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760274510771652,0.0,0.0,0.2094533111023056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291574288285141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803615750380843,0.0,0.0,0.14161116905649498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505666538998215,0.0,0.0,0.1693353845404108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707747122015072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590814339293644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736614380367613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054351056755465,0.0,0.14403531046527854,0.2307572964836401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914315616100697,0.0,0.0,0.2045041581472596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BURNINGLAMA,2018/04/12,"Road to healing - this is my story Hi everyone, I really want to share my story with you, it's the first time I do so and hope you'll find yourself in my words, and maybe some help if you need it. I'm a 27 guy with a good job, a girlfriend for 4 years now. Not everything is perfect in my head (i'll come to it) but I guess there was a significant improvement. Now let's me start at the beginning. I was adopted from Romania when I was 2 month old by significantly older persons from Belgium. My dad was 50 then, my mom 48 (which, I learned it way later, was 5-6 years older than my biological grandparents). When I was a kid there were signs of BPD, but since it's not really a well known disorder, and kids do stupid things, my parents and I didn't realize what was happening. Every fight we had I thought ""This time, they'll abandon me"". Thinking it was a problem with my origins, I asked my mom and dad to meet my biological parents. I was 10 then. So we went there and I met my biological parents and sister. I was welcomed there like a movie star. But I was too young to fully understand what was going on. My teenage years were - as you can guess - chaotic. I was fighting all the time with my mom and dad, even for the smallest reason. Overreacting over everything (and everyone), I had weird relationships, anxiety, and so on. I did see a lot of therapists but even with them, relationships did not go well. To be fair my dad blamed me a lot for not having good grades, spending too much time on my computer, being lazy, ... He grounded me as much. Can't blame him, he had to be ""the strong male"" of the family since he was a kid (his dad died in Buckenwald during WWII). On the other hand he and my mom were always there for me when sadness was stronger than me, even if I did the dumbest thing in the world, and no matter what I said before (trust me I said horrible things) When I was 18, I decided to see my biological family again. I saw them two times that year. It really tore me apart that time. I felt loved there and wanted to stay there. Even though it was heartbreaking for everyone. But my parents convinced me not to, and back with them in Belgium, there were only pieces of me left. That year I found someone as broke as me, with the same disorder as I had, similar background etc. It was the first step out. As I mentioned my student life wasn't going well. But I did one more year in law degree. There I met my first girlfriend. And at that time, just knowing someone was in love with me changed everything... Or almost. I was happier at that time, but still unstable. There were big ups and downs as only BPD people can relate, I was going from extreme sadness to exaltation, anger to love in seconds. For a reason, a couldn't help the fact I wanted to cheat on her (which I did, just to see how it feels). After one year and 10 month, that girl dumped me (can't blame her). In that time I had a work, that I lost because of depression. I my need of limits testing (and breaking) I started some drugs. First time shrooms really scared me, I saw me killed by one of the guy who were there. For a while had dissociation periods. Still at this moment, I never heard of BPD. For a year I experimented some drugs including cocaine, ecstasy, Ritalin. I don't remember those moments pretty well, but I wasn't sad. I met a lot of people and lost my belly. But I lost many of my marks. I did stupid and painful things to my closest friends, who were trusting me. Now I've lost them and there's no turning back. Then I started to study again. To be fair the communications degree I got was pretty easy to get, but it was good for self esteem. I met a girl there (the one I'm still with). She was as broken as I was. Similar background again, but slightly different. She wasn't adopted but her dad hanged himself. We started dating but I was still unstable. I stopped doing drugs (except for weed sometimes, but in Belgium it's commonly tolerated). One day I had a big crisis I yelled at her so much the police came. I don't remember good this day. It was cloudy in my head. I started to see a therapist again. She gave me a bunch of tests and when she read me what BPD was it was like a mind opening for me. I stopped having remorse for who I was and my dad hated, somehow I could rebuild my self-esteem. Sadly my therapist had an accident and she had to stop seeing me. Even though, she showed me the way. Then, last year, I started a training in programming, and now I'm part of a consulting cabinet for banks in Luxembourg. I met there people who trusted me and my skills, and for the first time in a job I felt appreciated. I took big shortcuts to tell this story, but I think I told the most. Here are the advices I can give you: - Don't do drugs - Find a therapist who can understand you, if it doesn't works after 2 sessions, it's not the right person - I have have the chance to have someone by my side who knows how it feels to be alone. People, there are persons around you who are the same. - Even though, like me, you are guilty for some actions, it does not defines you ! - BPD persons are clever people, don't forget it 8) - If you ever doubt to be able to do something (start new studies, getting a new job), do it ! Trying will help you to get better, even if you fail (and you won't) - Try and identify overthinking, and force you not to. I know it's hard, a therapist can help you find the best way to do it. Love ya people, Have a good day !",2.7278354460895606,4.392184560329072,4.058900496213109,87.374739839685,75.42595978062157,7.331643128352453,25.18468368925407,8.10359255239629,1.3905134821303011,4215,144,894,69,91,1387,391,1094,0.161,0.705,0.134,-0.9878,10,1,6,0,3,0,185.0,3,16,5,18,62,56,9,2,54,0,101,15,3,5,5,146,175,79,2,14,32,16,6,3,3,4,8,4,0,13,54,47,0,5,24,2,2,11,24,27,4,12,80,17,158,29,113,82,20,140,0,13,7,4,111,41,0,20,86,638,212,20,0.039327181037909366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038430066154556214,0.0,0.0,0.0393804910099351,0.04073109909803578,0.0,0.0,0.03272336505832801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030085185850772564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035009528970304765,0.036765605491239375,0.0,0.0,0.060480349392279524,0.0,0.023973484539012217,0.0,0.033464534479510005,0.0,0.0412714502050292,0.03478169573856267,0.0,0.0,0.2476560390200471,0.0,0.0,0.044979818226797176,0.0,0.0,0.041602942939994135,0.03387688419756922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031399553976924684,0.0,0.0,0.0760883349388171,0.0,0.033872443401268465,0.0,0.040815404956206336,0.041088533820813206,0.0901447132332483,0.0,0.03441548114747076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18242817780135606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386020252808786,0.18182662520442847,0.03557368677239453,0.03313484619184851,0.112736420433122,0.10603420345680266,0.03846952934946521,0.07414833250612002,0.0,0.039770008764684985,0.0,0.07552052224388499,0.0,0.10783299299007737,0.16725840050272986,0.0,0.043120224124085935,0.030384082514598232,0.0,0.061640486768307974,0.03772621558312753,0.08940217311634625,0.16492886794565986,0.03145353928237507,0.0,0.08664664739770311,0.07788018447625038,0.034776896311813355,0.0,0.035229429564380126,0.038827449343497134,0.08072206727379827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544072187325157,0.0,0.0,0.03906076441384182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170784766896251,0.0,0.043509699011818836,0.0,0.06483957061139516,0.03205690147482785,0.0,0.0,0.042729097267467236,0.0402147071092977,0.027777951009992283,0.05763982248743401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717210550549164,0.10030368889538392,0.14197726528949844,0.0,0.0,0.03987158892729779,0.03950943928498391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03970924192918537,0.1842380764868714,0.06278116140253304,0.0,0.08673000931892857,0.058321212853416536,0.03033154646024297,0.07596487301917842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04126726095536858,0.0,0.13324557833366205,0.05982018665995801,0.04184689339676384,0.0,0.17467272193800865,0.042587504658240696,0.0,0.1635870934667845,0.1373559102488623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001976298469811,0.0,0.03763080100146685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03933782353161983,0.0,0.10077599681163303,0.08086978407944677,0.0,0.08444534929614303,0.08910005948036623,0.0335851977263081,0.07481831000178386,0.0,0.0393733689011496,0.0,0.15669335789960145,0.0,0.0820536535240508,0.0,0.0,0.06506370110086795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996537861568326,0.030275985315210037,0.03889558763990767,0.0,0.19485186808165533,0.04191754233847253,0.1256269503114606,0.09863785290686944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03437368964280384,0.0,0.0,0.2283094416361323,0.1045089263881639,0.05039853929424195,0.11591626708422473,0.03122138885534984,0.2522519507641895,0.0,0.0,0.03757880681104067,0.04369394516776885,0.05340114884155607,0.04277667988492476,0.038416941411132915,0.08188196481598951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958857092485474,0.09364825733487678,0.0,0.0,0.1414394350306127,0.03645669082430879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726131236012717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279287367652156 bpd,daddililprincess,2018/04/12,"How old was you when you started showing symptoms of BPD? I read online that the symptoms of BPD usually first occur in the teenage years and early twenties. How old was you when you started seeing changes in your behaviours and feelings? Was there a trigger to it, like an eating disorder, depression or heartbreak? How did your friends and parents react to it? ",6.156307692307693,8.246892015384617,5.63692307692308,77.80307692307693,67.30769230769229,7.661538461538463,39.153846153846146,8.238735603445708,3.617676923076924,291,17,45,4,5,89,45,65,0.14800000000000002,0.777,0.075,-0.755,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,6,0,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,5,0,10,8,9,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,2,7,2,6,4,0,12,0,2,1,0,8,2,0,1,11,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794090365153682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013359624702302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392448493966433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812606654529984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474742511552628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623277136471337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188821591308844,0.0,0.0,0.1470426865155898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298195686027254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39942288289283495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113306061028433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903739976675762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166238634084936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269422481247655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956358882667101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20961333824878836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256144597334025 bpd,iundidallmyrecovery,2018/04/12,"I accidentally caught the wrong train and feel completely and utterly humiliated. It seems so dumb. I got on one train, got off to change trains and ended up catching a train back to the first station. I felt like everybody just *knew* what I had done and was staring at me so then I was filled with unnecessary rage at people for probably, maybe thinking I was dumb. I hate getting so overwhelmed so easily. I hate feeling things 1000x more than a normal person. I hate that something so trivial as catching the wrong train brought on a panic attack. I just want to feel things normally. 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Especially how dumb and clueless the average person is. I see people as animals, worse than animals actually, animals manage to live in harmony somehow. We can't do that. We kill and rape and violate and hurt each other. For no apparent reason. I just wanna live in peace, in a remote place, I'm sick of worrying about money, I'm sick of having to deal with really stupid, ignorant, arrogant people to get money, I'm sick of being so alone that I have noone to have a cup of coffee and chat with. I'm talking to my pets like a crazy person. Oh well let's not forget that I *am* a crazy person. ",2.9034181818181817,4.879725320000002,5.361818181818184,76.86090909090913,75.8,9.025454545454542,24.96363636363636,9.573946990214177,2.5755600000000003,495,17,91,14,11,175,83,125,0.368,0.552,0.079,-0.9926,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,0,0,6,9,5,0,5,0,9,4,0,2,0,18,16,8,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,4,10,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,8,2,20,14,1,6,0,1,1,1,8,5,1,1,2,59,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.1868944449216733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835542380864746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744718064029912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212449316482034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20012104014626134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050245326597296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21188686233345974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584065857898847,0.0,0.09356627303567763,0.0,0.3382287171522613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655496493897595,0.5016797433662211,0.20009608677847776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226916655821003,0.19691293200538787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261546141618534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15393532871969026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219814650242138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944963497192125,0.1951737298804486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,bathbombsandbentleys,2018/04/12,I was diagnosed with this as an 18 year old Then it was brought up again a few months ago in an appointment with my therapist. I still don't know what it means.,1.6913725490196114,3.378589705882355,2.712352941176473,95.8022549019608,78.41176470588233,8.062745098039215,23.098039215686285,8.841846274778883,1.2716980392156865,126,4,31,3,3,40,29,34,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,5,3,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249122476385621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37202655251186856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014387233275512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992654024405788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925657175710376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846181097602806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927163024946097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255768076174709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360373113245009 bpd,spookychick6,2018/04/12,"Experiences taking Wellbutrin 150mg?? I was recently diagnosed with BPD and I’m starting to take Wellbutrin 150mg... just wanted to hear experiences from others with BPD who have taken this Thanks ",5.123235294117644,8.561163382352941,5.4250000000000025,71.30750000000003,76.94117647058823,8.105882352941178,29.088235294117645,8.841846274778883,3.2809058823529424,161,7,23,4,4,51,26,34,0.0,0.8859999999999999,0.114,0.5768,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,5,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6037698479076586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432833344361024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689314659216866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701514146268675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366679060648104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965592858676334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604385893551895,0.0,0.0,0.22067709696389148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137713287638232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sballens,2018/04/12,Talking to my doctor tomorrow. Tips? Tomorrow I’m going to tell my doctor I think BPD resonates with me. I’m worried he’ll think I’m internet diagnosing or that he wont take me seriously. I wrote some notes since I tend to forget what to say on the spot. I wrote a bit for each of the seven key symptoms I think I fit. Any tips? I’m pretty scared since this will be the first time I say something to anyone other than my husband. ,0.3495757575757565,2.66507997777778,2.8097979797979806,89.49045454545454,88.11111111111109,5.494949494949495,20.404040404040398,6.980632752743323,0.5735555555555556,338,11,71,5,11,116,59,90,0.083,0.828,0.09,0.1476,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,10,16,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,2,2,12,0,10,10,3,7,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,4,38,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333255455558271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370876771900252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404356598055926,0.0,0.24692704390653986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899382127880144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013454823587396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16676606218890555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142376344723988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19946054622873569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118249372211536,0.19628735139819384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32436090478608337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509343278044891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037783873727735,0.14741053348018834,0.15758326393454944,0.17136253986060346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768764040959057,0.0,0.0,0.11432246691883033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910549363181154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,deathinherroom,2018/04/12,"Extremely angry at self and ranting to avoid punching my face I want to beat the fucking shit out of my ugly disgusting self. I’m worthless and hideous. I don’t have a degree or a job. I almost weighed 300 pounds at my highest and now im 190 and my body is fucking abhorrent and monstrous. I feel so fucking disgusting. Every day is just trying to distract myself from crying and wanting to cut/kill myself for being so disgusting. I’ll never accomplish anything. I can’t even bathe and brush my teeth every day. I’m fucking trash. I should die. But i don’t want to traumatize my mom by making her find my dead body. I’ve only ever been valuable to the world drawing porn. That’s all I’m good for. I should just die. I will never feel beautiful. Because I am hideous in every way. ",1.2415789473684242,3.7634609554140113,3.040274891049279,87.98292658397585,85.94267515923569,5.343479718404291,24.823667448876968,6.8360192770164,1.2036063694267516,618,26,117,8,19,205,96,157,0.32,0.632,0.048,-0.9942,2,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,8,2,4,0,12,11,5,1,4,27,25,11,3,5,4,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,8,1,1,3,1,0,0,5,11,0,0,1,3,20,2,15,20,1,12,0,1,0,5,4,5,5,2,6,71,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355156255960804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136684981935158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249723839661073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30064707821574826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865604065334803,0.17455611556826542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809068650364083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893856259159454,0.1224157011273385,0.3420695853882642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685602894966975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236911571371845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004496640835878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351020845763835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461819732243199,0.0,0.13429630260685782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033527836783513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584994089296529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20875303422800967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292621816794197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823619488886129,0.0,0.13891653391338799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188166408320264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394672712648446,0.1074203821338579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jay_zed18,2018/04/13,"Dating hell for bi guy. Help! :( So I’m active duty in the military and because of that, I honestly don’t get the full care from my mental provider as I like because they have to look out for the “fakes” trying to get out early. I haven’t been diagnosed but I have enough of the symptoms for long enough and it effects my life badly enough that either way I need help. I can’t hold a healthy relationship. After awhile I always go “crazy”. I get clingy. I wonder if they’re getting sick of me yet. It’s always “all good” or “all bad”. I get hurt so easily just because I feel like they’re slipping away after only a short time. My moods will change drastically and when I notice this, I try to play it cool. It’s gotten to this point where I’m a Philophobe. I’m actually terrified of falling in love or feeling any type of intimacy. I’ve had the most amazing people in my life who treated me so well but then I freak out and lose them. I’m 24/M and I want to be in a healthy relationship. My last straw is this guy I was seeing who treated me so well and took care of me. Seems like the better someone is to me, the more I freak out. What can do? Is BPD cureable? I’m getting out the military this summer and will immediately seek help with a civilian therapist. Is it possible to actually hold a healthy relationship? At this point, I’m so used to it, I couldn’t imagine NOT freaking out. I meet someone I like and just countdown the days until I get overly clingy and scary. I’m not insecure. I’m fairly good looking with a good personality and a nice “back story” and I know this but I still feel these things once getting feelings :( HELP. Feedback/ advice",1.6783193277310922,3.884670333333337,3.470665266106444,87.78119747899159,80.78571428571429,6.0957983193277325,23.57282913165266,7.285733465282438,0.9813770308123247,1296,46,268,18,34,433,169,336,0.136,0.605,0.259,0.9934,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,3,14,31,1,1,17,1,18,7,0,2,2,49,53,26,0,4,11,0,4,4,0,2,5,0,0,3,19,19,0,3,9,1,0,3,6,10,2,0,5,8,35,20,37,44,9,37,1,2,3,2,16,18,1,6,19,169,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.17375707568685575,0.0,0.0,0.08699718358687637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815694493527282,0.0,0.0,0.060542129336769675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364478696317754,0.068457077829604,0.14866941207084136,0.16281202540243242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787380786039023,0.0,0.0,0.11212771690985636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815400680680784,0.0,0.09417987598951633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741572945230035,0.0,0.0,0.09036160035838443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759693341423972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006103553598926,0.06360165926654307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721078679871862,0.0,0.05059669450208819,0.2240175223077488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630354003064547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23869451073667994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530637267990746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048927489963089814,0.07256974608411812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576629423246766,0.17397843999494825,0.0,0.0,0.07878702586926202,0.1495222854387072,0.09959961946239827,0.0,0.0,0.08035129424366576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971933838745169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660131736595571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135902907534564,0.0,0.09481197150186753,0.0,0.0677098465056972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172084267535614,0.07773586241436944,0.0,0.0,0.1683205740870845,0.10036575370113857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28674843517944865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094383220269103,0.08104779631982062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086636178357854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109791859159854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253423590301296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336843204357066,0.0591462828797428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051912973987421236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891344329483094,0.1208884088524571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689165379108502,0.0,0.0,0.052511052639099706,0.07066632501739271,0.0,0.0,0.1600938240165304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654712642552744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mypure,2018/04/13,"My BPD makes it impossible for me to belong to a community or group. I can only handle one-on-one friendships. I can’t even join discord servers because the drama gives me overwhelming, intense anxiety. That person is annoying, no one likes me anyway, are they talking bad about me, etc. Can anyone else relate?",4.679999999999996,7.083174894736848,5.831438596491227,73.55873684210529,71.98245614035088,8.068771929824562,30.69824561403509,8.841846274778883,2.994062456140352,247,11,39,5,5,82,49,57,0.201,0.659,0.14,-0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,8,1,4,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564230361904735,0.0,0.0,0.19710150603174106,0.2888259007025113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353633468688559,0.17183531647139408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550260186149406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23547989358757915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31437781894612943,0.18618329068686915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704110945342728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377154431091768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816134271357807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820270029435137,0.21438728878491367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461323078464145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22656958877378244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,lacuenta1,2018/04/13,"My ex of 10 years had BPD, i almost fall for someone else that's also BPD, this are my insights Im a 26M who had a relationship with a BPD girl since i was 15. I consider myself a pretty emotionally strong person and even tried to go the extra mile to understand this affliction for my then relationship. I know lots of bpd SO's over here will understand, its a pain to have to deal over and over with the same pattern of behaviour like trying to fix somebody but never being able to do it, heres the thing: You can't. BPD is something that can be handled and keep at minimun levels, but its not fixable, the episodes, behaviour that can be seen as manipulative or narcissistic for those who are not BPD is just misunderstanding the root of this condition: Emotional outbursts not made by rational thinking BPD people can't be fixed, you are not special and at the end of the day you may feel like nobody is appreciating it, and maybe nobody is, but here's the thing, you are not hero for trying, so just turn away if you feel like because its something that never ends. If you are aware of this, and still feel like you have to come back to your BPD SO or whatever, its you who are broken, its you who feel the urge to be needed and you should take of yourself first before trying to attempt what's probably pointless I had a 10 years relationship and today were let down by another BPD girl and this is my insight: I wish i didnt wasted that much time trying to fix the unfixable",7.240967007963598,6.284163836177478,7.533119453924915,75.84484414106942,64.22184300341297,10.680227531285553,32.84391353811149,9.888512548439397,2.903840227531286,1176,39,233,21,15,385,149,293,0.056,0.85,0.095,0.8664,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,11,0,4,12,8,0,0,16,0,33,1,0,3,2,49,50,22,0,5,14,1,4,4,0,3,1,0,0,3,25,12,0,1,10,0,0,3,10,1,0,1,8,5,23,7,34,33,4,25,0,0,1,0,23,9,0,7,17,172,48,0,0.06857312474953682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866607906931355,0.0,0.0,0.054837903087417005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190490030077958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442670799142172,0.05272850016601177,0.0,0.04180154037458488,0.0,0.058350678512568165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7772890509540867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906967509230405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04422399255038168,0.07069588058096901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728404661705735,0.15427107130593504,0.1214708698926772,0.0,0.0,0.04529190216852686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869052906090987,0.1469659620678819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832826488135901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038971687063441764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407074193678631,0.0,0.0,0.06095094402215005,0.0,0.0,0.037685996020205004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012066602774622,0.0,0.13400545996120505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829841846390942,0.0,0.06488554866680409,0.0,0.0,0.06889092066532411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05040913681576825,0.05084610311487284,0.10577564241177977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729666394982833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04753997053970845,0.05987540754257256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976352035362884,0.07393342655268928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22086561961639367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056724397407935535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810178607208182,0.10558188322390928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05476258600449643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051558455780980124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111387413895222,0.04393888947808256,0.0,0.0,0.03998554049191644,0.0,0.06499930421754012,0.0,0.0,0.2327832522340428,0.07458786845902761,0.0,0.14277408245080062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885570927506687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831768816098727 bpd,msk97,2018/04/13,"Just got diagnosed with BPD, looking for personal experiences/good online resources As the title says, had an emergency psychiatry appointment today a week after going to the ER for severe depressive features/self harm/pseudohallucinations last week. I knew that BPD was a possibility given my symptoms, but due to media representations that highlight outward manipulation, expressiveness and rage, all of which I don't (think?) i exhibit, I wasn't expecting such an explicit diagnosis from the psychiatrist. Are there any resources or personal anecdotes that y'all can offer me about people with BPD's success? I'm incredibly committed to school, have great grades, and have always been such a high achieving person. I know that mental illness doesn't mean that this isn't possible, but it's hard not to get myself into a deep internet hole that highlights all the negative experiences by people with BPD and other who have had negative relationships with sufferers.",13.313465608465604,11.848148388888884,12.592504409171074,46.00055555555557,52.76543209876543,15.923809523809526,47.21693121693122,14.348710955821955,7.2022634920634925,797,39,106,27,7,263,115,162,0.187,0.718,0.095,-0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,2,5,5,1,0,10,0,13,3,0,1,4,23,23,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,11,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,8,3,9,2,17,15,2,11,0,2,1,0,9,4,0,1,6,75,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549086205357523,0.0,0.0,0.08621453981904248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6386983490831367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919516522495802,0.1286787213722736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401486847813045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623715781267564,0.0,0.0720518221055183,0.10633679284569823,0.10139730335249553,0.13977506091688918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356970433138135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339497080798607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967480460101172,0.10334237219547444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646301321913064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810025420860486,0.0,0.0,0.12776411329895615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757861544280884,0.33209741772763623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28585011342439554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611394607166602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082030174542413,0.0,0.12830781942481287,0.0,0.0,0.1322588711379271,0.14322496854259972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177264581342935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123530918831208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201723265621199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033900476205935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,fullmoonalien,2018/04/13,"Would like to sell my art ! I did this art piece on mushrooms. Id like to sell it! Anyone interested? Pm me !",-2.5426086956521736,-1.5255200434782576,0.569217391304349,99.17469565217392,119.0,3.5791304347826087,13.295652173913044,5.6839178017228535,-0.9802278260869564,81,2,20,1,5,28,18,23,0.0,0.677,0.32299999999999995,0.8213,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50094733949797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7000269680559047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5089341873409203,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,eraserway,2018/04/13,"I'm struggling to tell anyone about my diagnosis because I feel like a fake. I was referred to a Personality Disorder service back in August 2017. Since then I've had two assessment appointments by a mental health professional and she has basically said that I comfortably fit the criteria for Borderline and Paranoid Personality Disorders. My next appointment will be talking about treatment options etc. Even with professional confirmation like this, I still feel like it's not a ""real"" diagnosis and that I somehow tricked her into thinking that I have these disorders when I don't. I'm struggling to cope with everything right now and yet I'm still too paranoid to ask anyone for help because I feel like saying ""I have BPD/PPD"" is a manipulative lie, and that I'll get caught out. Logically I know this is exactly the kind of thing someone with paranoia in particular would think, but it's driving me crazy. I just want to ask for help but I feel like I physically can't do it.",7.51086388749372,8.259424265193374,8.10351582119538,66.27175791059771,63.25414364640884,11.664691109994974,38.55399296835761,11.389717465364855,4.762387845303866,796,40,135,23,11,265,112,181,0.096,0.7829999999999999,0.12,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,12,11,1,2,7,0,13,1,0,1,1,30,29,9,0,2,4,0,4,5,0,2,1,2,0,2,11,10,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,4,6,18,7,19,22,1,17,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,2,14,89,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882069922197976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225714125484129,0.0,0.0,0.09282635896820614,0.0,0.14717979005730822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520428278587528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150673199026036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463490026763067,0.07973453361676659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849550453870696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441589803534176,0.3449700537171651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307130618153392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831989537243502,0.0,0.0,0.16183237029584116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571147993104548,0.06634464821931109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29488888577558564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165753747586926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838727012744228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081639175836506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374059822460129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309436540915304,0.1148325261247032,0.09600152438128018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986097195001012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102285808123507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281456709278294,0.0,0.0,0.25240586527705805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703029969001524,0.1055147493659132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802011166748312,0.15470522068768816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179260645721597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120388390238179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575614499816342,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SOSplshelpme,2018/04/13,"I feel like DBT is dumb. The truth is that I don't understand the point of DBT. IT feels so...logically 'obvious' and simple yet so frustrating at the same time. I'm probably being an idiot by saying all this right now (because it's probably not logically true) - but it's how I feel. I have my first individual therapy session this weekend and I'm cynical about HOW it will help. I have so many questions: 1) How will DBT help me not feel empty? 2) How will it help me choose the right partner and make my relationships work? Not act out? Not get bored of normalcy? 3) How will it help me deal with major trauma that I've never fully processed? (abuse). 4) HOW. I believe in mindfulness, but part of me feels like...I keep recreating the same patterns and behaviours because I've never fully addressed their roots. And that makes me doubt how helpful ""focusing on the present moment"" will be. I'm also so scared...so scared because while all these coping skills and techniques seem ""obvious"", I know how difficult they will be to apply. Who will this new version of me be? Will this ""new"" person even be ME? And will I have to go throughout my whole life self-correcting my initial instincts? That sounds exhausting. If you have gone through DBT, please share your experience! I'm curious.",2.297432950191574,5.058696773662553,3.5083837093798813,84.83370370370372,83.32098765432099,6.973123314885767,25.25173832836668,8.104835398774808,1.9363499077621689,1008,41,188,22,29,326,137,243,0.105,0.7609999999999999,0.134,0.7631,0,0,0,0,1,0,50.0,0,2,2,3,16,14,4,2,7,0,21,2,0,11,8,51,39,23,0,1,7,0,5,1,1,9,2,2,1,2,16,9,0,1,11,1,0,3,7,10,0,1,1,7,23,4,14,24,8,22,0,0,0,0,17,7,1,4,13,120,39,2,0.0,0.14735648284004316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945754388749524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274418770029964,0.0,0.0,0.14012085062172774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821859060399085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214430337523285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165637899413373,0.0,0.0,0.3144225664242365,0.17769794004259656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057878882617293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497747305012981,0.0,0.07068155524297162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41680833631662506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105445476353058,0.0,0.0,0.06834974337272852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784523733194775,0.12152045542304588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603404486335466,0.1260902645720847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255768569930237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918415002234381,0.2402319846003234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467910043951165,0.0,0.0,0.1085938855822791,0.0,0.13651940224044246,0.11756854941753113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681808239237454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932132226786825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335253587968109,0.0,0.21242025115867227,0.0,0.09890292180253536,0.12451468916608108,0.0,0.0,0.11322052456735268,0.12974359889217146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222636067427474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252034495193015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947212394966334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388531275265535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905418396843728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,anoolc,2018/04/13,"Separation anxiety and desperate :( Hi there, I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but I came across it while trying to calm myself down. I 21(f) live with my boyfriend 21(M), we are really close but because we go to different universities we really only see eachother in the nights before bed when we watch some TV, cuddle ect. I always knew I was super attached to him, I suffer with anxiety but I can usually cope. I always knew I had some separation (as a kid Icould never go to a sleepover but could go all day without my parents (divorced) only when it came to night time I'd always cry and want to go home) I moved to uni and lived alone when I was 17 and always found it hard to become really close to someone even female friends I didn't experience it much unless it was from a relationship. I've experienced loss from my dad leaving, my grandfather dying and boyfriends cheating. This is definitely the route of my problems and I've been to 3 therepist but never stuck with it. He point of this is, I'm away for the weekend for a camping trip with scouts ( I'm a leader) the last time I was away from my bf for this long was a 2 week scout trip to Switzerland last year ( I had a bad time I was always worried about him breaking up with me even though we have a good relationship). I'm having these feelings again and I don't want to constantly text him since he is looking forward to spending the weekend doing him things and being with his mates. How do I deal with these feelings? I'm so insecure, I love this guy so much and I don't want to strain our relationship. I don't want to suffocate him, or push him away. I really really need some advice, I don't have many friends and I don't feel like the ones I have will understand ( all independent ladies). I want to be confident in myself and be comfortable being alone without worrying what he's doing 24/7. He's a great guy who's never gave me any doubts, they're all self inflicted... :( Help TL;Dr: I've separation anxiety and I need advice please! ",3.9811194029850734,5.349702584577116,5.134507462686567,82.11758208955227,71.66169154228857,8.444577114427862,26.832835820895525,8.936278230431713,2.01316656716418,1597,54,318,31,30,528,200,402,0.13699999999999998,0.7140000000000001,0.149,0.8087,2,2,0,0,1,0,49.0,6,0,0,2,13,18,1,3,16,0,34,2,0,2,7,68,64,29,1,10,11,2,4,1,4,1,0,0,2,4,17,28,0,0,7,3,1,11,12,8,0,1,17,8,48,10,45,41,8,48,0,2,3,2,37,14,0,6,25,204,65,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474323574694512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400861878850231,0.0,0.0,0.32941131126922685,0.0,0.0,0.05384361082923055,0.0,0.18171237285437808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22317041404772306,0.0,0.06611014555851769,0.04826604454408792,0.08744564594743336,0.06737446570217061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111659209045647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556306019243852,0.0,0.06321702080682111,0.0,0.08697308200097294,0.051063122919075735,0.08162882254164912,0.0,0.0,0.08217404318072538,0.08272393612281889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459236420300452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745106949929817,0.0,0.0,0.12010400562117095,0.05656462742814707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681435754311669,0.1223451248978315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799942458489859,0.06641057184588328,0.0,0.08729379057682665,0.0,0.15679691648143554,0.0,0.0,0.07092774577054622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307120216935344,0.0,0.07942177693032698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908092955878914,0.0,0.08383784491513173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038682267696832126,0.0,0.13983087447173465,0.07006985062748064,0.06648940032052432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146104480096857,0.0,0.0,0.08027384938876353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415345796603192,0.11640956869896472,0.11741865279815596,0.1832003733323133,0.0,0.0,0.1486059804085352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365291815371848,0.12043655102647635,0.0,0.0,0.08791756329766717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272393612281889,0.08691343436612567,0.07484860199815709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576244973528343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536165916540953,0.0,0.0,0.2550219379270495,0.0,0.06761739816513042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309444569760064,0.0,0.08259970071418275,0.0,0.0,0.06549668427273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708708266528847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746241279752997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260220399017725,0.0,0.0777917745105305,0.0,0.13850761439946838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053756520552898604,0.0,0.0,0.08242686945935372,0.0,0.0,0.08720314711327194,0.0,0.2335055533647823,0.0,0.06351164544639297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264912395556626,0.0,0.0,0.1608177737939067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098789940048245 bpd,LucianRiver,2018/04/13,"Emotions please stop Just a short rant. Today I got angry at a friend again. I havent felt this rage in a long time. I couldn't control it. I forgot all the things I told him. But I know I told him things because I care. I just didnt word it nicely. I have just been feeling lonely lately on the relationship part and I know he has been too, so it is nice to talk to him about this kind of stuff. But something just snapped and I said some things I could have said differently or I could just have hold back. Writing this down calms me down and I know I have to talk to him later about this. He has his issues too so I am sure he will understand. Thanks for reading my little rant. If you want to share some of the things you did out of emotions feel free to share if you want to :) ",0.423333333333332,2.5309463939393986,1.572878787878789,100.11265151515153,85.06060606060606,4.393939393939394,16.439393939393938,5.46131890053228,-0.920878787878788,605,12,145,3,18,190,90,165,0.111,0.6940000000000001,0.195,0.8976,1,2,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,13,13,1,0,6,0,17,0,0,1,2,36,34,10,0,7,10,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,12,4,0,4,7,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,11,5,27,12,19,19,4,16,0,1,0,0,22,8,0,5,8,104,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602587471032017,0.0,0.08405406693723813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058403544334008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465094939421026,0.22018161001843206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406159298651158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102065339657301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943867748393302,0.0,0.13239224822517687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653043371115363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102800843136313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439172305474738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358712082398006,0.227335730001332,0.0,0.1555414900370328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819806360705045,0.0,0.12202483071809862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931717420588198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135749570865584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792338143048574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803803407731314,0.0,0.0,0.2623224515729949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615143126708597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527892656137932,0.0,0.0,0.15784655833759562,0.0,0.0,0.12995598680640544,0.0,0.0,0.2216551960540004,0.0,0.1269469653787704,0.0,0.0,0.36642150538753376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040247481101509,0.0,0.13069986939755882,0.26351209295224964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435442590833177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265755023544276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Aerswip,2018/04/13,"bpd do u ever feel like if u consider someone a friend they can abandon you; so u just label them off as a person, that happens to be in your life until they can replace u.",14.127837837837836,4.694135297297297,13.829189189189188,61.815135135135144,60.89189189189189,15.88108108108108,50.51351351351353,8.841846274778883,5.112481081081081,134,5,28,1,1,47,32,37,0.077,0.7709999999999999,0.152,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,6,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,2,5,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4841483579765686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34771899983091953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436821040509106,0.27462111730356004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969926297027737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399306819149058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715187043824257,0.18780230786870453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356501958749963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257076097881287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cloudberrypie,2018/04/13,"My boyfriend dumped me because of my BPD Last night my boyfriend dumped me. The one I thought would never leave. I came to his place to hang out and I saw all of my stuff standing in the hallway. He was crying and he said he was sorry. He said that he loves me and that he is very in love with me, but he just can’t take it anymore. He was truly crying his heart out and kept saying that he really doesn’t want to do this, that he wants to be with me but that he simply can’t. He loves me but he can no longer handle how sick I am, because seeing me fall apart again and again makes him feel useless and depressed. Then I only get worse from seeing how bad I make him feel, and it turns into a vicious cycle. Deep down I understand... I can’t blame him, not at all. But what really bugs me is that I’m getting my DBT in just a few months, with a 95% chance of full recovery. Soon enough our “problem” is gone and I asked him if it was possible for us to take a break, until I get better, but he said no. “What kind of relationship is that” he said. “If it doesn’t work, it just doesn’t work”. I am shattered. And I’m also mad at myself for feeling hopeful. I really do believe that we can get back together when I’m better, because we really do love each other (and not in that crazy obsessive bpd way either) and the only problem is my current mental health. He said no, but then he texted and said “if it’s meant to be our paths will cross later”. Am I dumb for still believing. I truly do not WANT to let go, and to be honest I don’t think he does either.. AAAHHH I’m so confused. If we really love each other we will find our way back to each other, right??? I know that many couples have broken up to later get back together and get married. I’m not saying that we should get married, but simply that it would be stupid to throw such wonderful love away... ",2.367729220222796,3.5322770539845765,3.784737789203089,91.02293359040274,75.37532133676092,6.626255355612682,21.44995715509855,7.03164865440522,0.3913300085689797,1430,33,321,14,30,472,172,389,0.183,0.672,0.146,-0.9347,1,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,9,0,0,4,16,24,6,2,7,0,36,9,1,4,3,77,86,33,0,13,20,0,3,0,0,5,2,8,0,0,26,29,0,1,10,0,0,7,15,13,0,1,16,14,46,11,35,60,10,46,0,2,3,6,49,17,1,7,18,212,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059847664519573435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421886766384206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996312712508032,0.0,0.07031246252841986,0.17263666611350648,0.062486335639512385,0.13686106272617127,0.0,0.0,0.1686328725288537,0.0,0.13237569016306674,0.0,0.0,0.18851087270010647,0.0,0.0,0.08559436730653806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828064679095773,0.1644113516194014,0.0,0.0,0.06445758289727398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654909568445716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732732734207902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352053672686915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840028242012196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736971877148785,0.0,0.042531977370043585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954895275927193,0.0,0.08868300944260746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433070093023797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793192590524113,0.04112883097130555,0.061002696491806126,0.0,0.07924229590484312,0.0,0.07652659675239369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052635606404201,0.0,0.0999094631479151,0.07587365983851893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541877799532712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973472104671624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057719431314790064,0.0,0.0,0.07023009170072943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05071194781782767,0.11383485374486599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818944572458368,0.0,0.0,0.0843682380272493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321910269703406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971466612215234,0.0,0.0,0.08034765957187429,0.0,0.06391096859826102,0.4271266198936208,0.11902785153712105,0.0,0.0,0.11927188111723352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377465411548038,0.0,0.0,0.05976546678301816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567123721244241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253724125112977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795296261884769,0.0,0.059412757339979076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140190411092209,0.0,0.07790866269069724,0.09002051280728712,0.0,0.0,0.06174892246140967,0.1324236054055575,0.11880533169374717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115827005465337,0.10896544263238413,0.0,0.07626598803127271,0.10632507932579878,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MountainNorth32,2018/04/13,"Has anyone ever forced their brain to pick a new FP? So curious. I feel like my reigns are loosening on my current FP (this one has probably been the most intense by far...been about 13 months), and now that I recognize my own patterns, I am wondering what is next. I would love to ""force"" my brain into picking a new one...sounds so weird, but you guys know what I mean. I kind of wish it was my SO. It was at one point. Now my brain pushes his needs and emotions wayyyyy behind my FP. It's awful. I also have a friend in mind who would probably benefit from my attention. Anyway...has anyone ever done this? Intentionally picked a FP? Has anyone ever actively observed their brain make the switch? Tell me about it. ",1.8411666666666693,4.254541735714291,3.2214285714285715,88.59023809523813,81.64285714285714,6.590476190476192,21.47619047619048,7.793537801064563,1.0266047619047618,553,17,112,10,15,180,91,140,0.053,0.789,0.158,0.9357,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,2,0,12,6,0,0,6,1,13,5,4,5,3,23,21,7,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,20,5,12,15,2,16,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,2,11,77,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067590845933358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26408015942007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5621491066015052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883138030289498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161172636343414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34162997679819523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365485467986731,0.08993737853298171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726396433511914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246530232017223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310973034867484,0.06918703436710273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061504546401961235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362258232481405,0.0,0.084033989018995,0.0,0.0,0.1371334600613666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271151856870862,0.0,0.10048591463374776,0.0,0.0,0.09334743552368553,0.0,0.2431748497427659,0.1338877318520521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559233408999119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900877556603505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714660650622629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003528975666142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476976181633194,0.0,0.13652466862876325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886034549659974,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,BPDStone,2018/04/13,"Help with FP - Please Help My SO is also my FP, so I have two. FPSO and FPBF. My FP and Best Friend is loosing interest. I am so sad. I do care for her and I did not unleash my moods on her, nor I want to. I have never tried to cut her off my life and I have always cared for her like 24/7. We know each other for 7 years. One month ago I was so happy with her. She has not always been my FP. It was not until a year or two ago that it started. I tried to stopped it from happening. It was not possible though. We live far away now and have only social media. She told me that the first thing she does when she wakes up is to look at my messages. It was a month ago. During the past two weeks she has grown colder and colder. She can stay 1-2 days without talking to me and I always talk first and always answer her, listen to her. She confuses me so much. I am trying to keep my calm. I cannot be like this in front of my SO because of other girl. She would not understand. Who would? What hurts me the most is that she told me she cared that much, but she does not. I feel so guild about my feelings for her. She tried to kiss me. It took the life out of me. We did not kiss (I love my SO), but she then said I was someone she did not want out of her life for nothing, but now I am not this someone, I was for 1 month. It is ok, but what I am saying is: I want to keep my control. I want her if she wants me. I do not want to be there all the time and insist. I want to act normal as a friend would. I do not want to give her my life (she did not ask for it on the first place). It is so intense that sometimes I think I am gonna die because of who I am, how inadequate I am, and especially how unlovable I am for loving people that much. Only my SO knows I have BPD and I would never tell FPBF about my BPD since she is one of my two FPs. My SO does not know I have two FPs. She respects me and never asks this kind of question.",-0.3449721851357381,1.257041193925236,1.8936315086782365,99.63652647975078,84.49065420560748,4.730396083667112,16.265242545616378,5.46131890053228,-0.9318533155318208,1453,26,375,7,42,490,168,428,0.08,0.8009999999999999,0.119,0.9437,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,3,0,0,5,21,24,1,1,9,1,46,9,1,3,4,74,80,38,1,14,20,0,2,2,2,5,4,3,0,1,25,20,0,4,9,0,0,4,19,5,0,10,15,6,89,18,44,58,7,41,0,2,1,4,55,11,0,5,27,285,114,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740428149163266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563554566958475,0.2345493344881303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176133146228378,0.0,0.06620961684984074,0.0,0.0,0.08591666587412541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739547351081947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775109590061409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21554896819163707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903897116685563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045447822706087146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313754294735476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500836141484456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126428678497118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798272264582417,0.0,0.0,0.10889109845715207,0.0,0.0,0.06760199281160367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623170773464099,0.07501745489714738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447015572526367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544042668508084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252753330460395,0.0,0.07338447224018953,0.11618669189653258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910238177596745,0.06885692623779108,0.0,0.062226989151249815,0.0,0.05917770604023094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720525924954365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874731097079448,0.0,0.15541239363406278,0.0,0.16305422800111527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904640128959984,0.06761861328581957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550564761888004,0.10719240629012024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672723327170853,0.048855565224687716,0.0,0.07362696536241545,0.0773557536249551,0.0,0.07944521516114611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894340074149198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703384870094127,0.05604119213963773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829415681020944,0.0,0.0,0.07183608483815174,0.11941932512324414,0.0,0.06969740259905917,0.0,0.049879580255421545,0.0751124742316546,0.0,0.05891672691517302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328348593087754,0.06159456717891346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04681765438991442,0.04515482985004752,0.06923718280116685,0.0,0.041092078084388216,0.0,0.0,0.13467569904068355,0.07829562868911652,0.19138013311532787,0.0,0.3441985575516754,0.07336256647176298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325239314337333,0.0,0.05652740837245645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679313164293406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024167865958725,0.0,0.0,0.09076174270740736 bpd,Dawnweinerdawg,2018/04/13,FP Detox I think I need to pull back a little and I don't even know where to start. I've been trying to read more library books and tidy my house! Wish me luck <3,-1.4359459459459458,0.5420210810810815,0.052756756756757284,107.86454054054056,94.94594594594594,2.9600000000000004,10.102702702702704,3.1291,-2.292044324324324,128,1,34,0,5,40,31,37,0.0,0.8290000000000001,0.171,0.7177,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,3,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,17,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733904278812204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348326327208806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102485966294595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953969967788884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35634723924810097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636304435533342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556389642351616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516549879356305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22781743757585116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413901883477776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4088566151457493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mrsuperjolly,2018/04/13,"Poetry about my negative emotions with BPD What are we? But deserted man to the island face flat in the sand and as the waves hit the shore in canon, my lure, to seep back on those waters and drown What are we? But fire to the tree That I'd burn you with conviction no feeling nor friction charred as the bark goes or how thick the smoke blows I'll press on till crippled and gone What are we? But hollow perceptions mother natures rejections A leech without blood looking for 'love' and to you I would stay and together we'd stay and forever we'd stay ",1.9933333333333323,4.49089672727273,2.6813636363636384,92.1653787878788,81.72727272727272,6.575757575757575,22.803030303030305,7.793537801064563,1.1283939393939388,440,15,91,8,12,137,74,110,0.136,0.851,0.013,-0.9342,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,5,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,8,0,6,4,2,1,0,20,11,15,1,1,5,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,6,10,1,16,6,0,11,0,1,1,1,10,5,0,1,2,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717460383844015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30657839418958066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27381422347029954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308023531576096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441111006571053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969564206931733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7783585372692494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346477538366636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729182599119374,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,klaus_mikhail,2018/04/13,"Uh Oh. I just realised... My care coordinator is my ‘favourite person’. Our relationship has always been on/off; and I nearly really thought about it that much. I didn’t want her to be the one I rely on emotionally; which probably made me blind to this. However since I’ve recently started therapy, I’m no longer ‘in need’ of a care coordinator and our sessions are coming to an end. This has made me realise that I NEED her. Yesterday I had a doctor’s care review and she promised that she would sit in on it, but she was also scheduled in for duty, and an emergency meant that she couldn’t attend. I was a wreak. I couldn’t believe it, I needed her and she wasn’t there. Someone else took priority and it pushed me out, I felt worthless. I spied on her through the window as she ushered in the guy who she was seeing instead of me and I hated her. I hate her and I can’t believe she would do this to me. But at the same time I know it’s ridiculous to feel like this, I have no reason to be upset, she had no control over it. It hurts; to be aware. It hurts to see the flaws in my logic AND FEEL THEM ANYWAY. I realised that I can’t engage with my therapist because I hate her for taking away my care coordinator from me. I don’t know what to do. I was doing so well. Now I feel shitty and reckless and hopeless and abandoned. I hate her but I need her and I am cycling wildly between wanting to call her, but I just imagine myself yelling at her. So many urges to self-harm or through myself out of a window or in front of a car. Dammit I haven’t been suicidal in months. Why does this have to happen??? My head is absolutely fucked; I can’t deal with this. I don’t know what to do. 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Now I'm just trying to stop myself from texting him and getting anxiety thinking about the next time I see him. This is the worst part about meeting new people.,2.695135623869799,4.650371316455697,3.3000361663652846,91.50405063291142,76.34177215189874,6.033273056057867,25.20976491862568,6.868970318607317,0.9036169981916816,310,11,64,3,7,97,60,79,0.161,0.726,0.113,-0.7282,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,16,9,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,2,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,12,4,12,7,2,11,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,6,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885043052221882,0.0,0.2188952349758187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19648786842592345,0.0,0.0,0.2073739938555426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052796147113675,0.0,0.11531725037978745,0.0,0.0,0.1851297212940549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185478052751836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317304765003775,0.23473855024106616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390185831684429,0.0,0.15301966941888173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455190234274766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139908036759755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588550772167097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3690641192805864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080262769900469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142866026711268,0.0,0.0,0.12870378584895706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4495637994561177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018655558442066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,skla3,2018/04/13,"If it weren't for this disorder, I'd probably be ""cool"". I was convinced from birth that I was a fucked up freak, so as a kid would, I pretty much believed it and acted like one. I never fit in at school. I was eccentric as fuck and just a weird, contradictory mess. I just assumed that I was a lame piece of shit because I felt as though that was the general message I was getting from everyone. I used to openly age regress all the time during school, not really realising that was what I was doing, and don't even get me started on the stupid, embarrassing things I have said and done in that state. I still say such stupid shit sometimes. But I got older and... A few really cool people began calling me cool. My looks were noticed. My interests were noticed. My intellect and humour were noticed. People even forgave my goofiness and shittiness and insisted that I am still cool. This didn't sit comfortably with me at all because I wasn't used to it, but it was exciting so I tried to get used to it. Naturally, I couldn't. The self hate and the PTSD took over and I acted like a clingy, deranged, self-obsessed and hypocritical 3 year old until they were gone. Sometimes I try to assure myself that it's not 100% my fault and that my trauma and BPD are unfortunately a part of me and if that part of me isn't going to be welcomed or understood by someone then what the hell am I wasting my time seeking their validation for, and I really do believe that, but let's face it, BPD sucks. On the bright side, I'm trying to forgive myself for my humiliating history and allow myself to grow into the person I should have been in the first place. Maybe that person is pretty cool. Who knows.",4.9498935298935285,5.728570384384388,5.975644280644282,79.17969901719903,68.87987987987988,8.937428337428337,28.95017745017745,9.095868883498916,2.288893093093093,1330,46,260,24,22,442,173,333,0.157,0.6890000000000001,0.154,0.0076,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,2,1,10,32,9,1,16,5,34,5,3,4,4,46,56,30,0,5,10,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,4,24,19,0,0,5,0,0,6,9,16,0,2,25,10,41,16,32,25,7,37,1,1,2,2,13,14,6,4,17,192,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864650955363075,0.0,0.0,0.21928481325892327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24513353118767825,0.0,0.09937106002865953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153317702348686,0.0,0.0,0.0995886000308096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855330342341714,0.0,0.0,0.09299011693658216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343913219335316,0.0,0.0,0.08277739258504051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993513178389034,0.1525316144665017,0.0,0.055307227916235255,0.0,0.07783292084404636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960799280550928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348262105632689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995127475831752,0.0,0.09508788398137884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172137726283346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776753683754608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153884855925867,0.0,0.07505650901552027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33238655079772617,0.10211733015335474,0.0,0.06594420079825106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076864191672667,0.0,0.134934060282817,0.16994608450712906,0.10167506339311363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801179836818245,0.10492368129512283,0.0,0.11375781840105988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703038740098715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257030739490192,0.07739001241428316,0.0,0.19697905215973124,0.0,0.0,0.20304473408755308,0.0,0.19978804367818928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245598193883215,0.0,0.1924970774691785,0.0,0.06888114238483542,0.0,0.1554342166661971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465277978768061,0.0,0.09561299879490633,0.0,0.1134921050628476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812224802671737,0.19821461204025695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25215071436559644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913087233542982,0.0,0.0,0.06266865609645142 bpd,RogueGurb,2018/04/13,"I had a huge outburst today.... I just woke up and felt angry, and just psychotically lashed out at my boyfriend. I haven't had one of these moments in so long, I became too comfortable with myself, easy enough to do I suppose. Does anyone here take anything specifically for their bpd diagnosis? I take anti anxiety and antideppresant meds. Nothing to aide me when I have a meltdown. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated, I feel like I can't control my emotions. I feel like such a freak...",4.146666666666668,6.815265172043012,5.188387096774196,76.26924731182797,74.6989247311828,7.574193548387097,29.68817204301075,8.515128840125781,2.5662817204301085,403,18,70,8,9,132,70,93,0.076,0.71,0.213,0.9204,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,7,6,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,1,0,13,14,5,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,3,15,5,10,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147090786435121,0.0,0.16546819834027068,0.0,0.0,0.1512413406176646,0.0,0.1779957066999997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27242110976477585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259780196664985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928477586051887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24330734337734503,0.0,0.2234947621635127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21873462011869912,0.3090482010652578,0.2076810297166752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384704909106423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113456021612889,0.0,0.0,0.19141787252856995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240259508287732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754479357458636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656984931414205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32525996736825624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20502622943718585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536526551009148,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,juankardash,2018/04/13,unhealthy relationship my ex literally treated me badly and cheated on me yet i’m asking him for forgiveness and a second chance because i’m so lonely and i would do anything for some attention wow ,3.0194594594594584,6.104042297297301,5.155459459459461,71.28075675675676,85.48648648648648,7.284324324324325,31.72432432432432,8.238735603445708,3.487955675675675,163,9,24,4,5,56,30,37,0.278,0.5539999999999999,0.168,-0.7304,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,3,3,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39790025982033866,0.0,0.4520310399586117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403723567584876,0.2947526364058823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5191253965761486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434826183183383,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,slippage669,2018/04/13,"How to talk to psychiatrist? I’m meeting with my psychiatrist next week, and I want to speak with her about my symptoms. I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD, but after researching and everything, I’m almost positive I have it. I want to talk to my psychiatrist and tell her about it, but I don’t want her to think I’m faking or making it up. What should I do?",2.8481278538812766,4.481309726027399,4.834452054794522,82.07213470319637,75.02739726027397,8.702283105022829,24.495433789954337,9.2995712137729,1.9709105022831044,282,9,59,7,6,97,40,73,0.052000000000000005,0.8220000000000001,0.126,0.4889,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,18,13,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,11,0,13,11,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,4,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567426693367657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32292066911677586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602356424830337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304313949905564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114572877792622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19774771729865592,0.0,0.2726791112708392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664926942018551,0.0,0.4121613592929135,0.22410062971587968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428763554285197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536854416078926,0.0,0.20566469402533505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,catatonika,2018/04/13,How long has it taken you to fully get the hang of DBT? Ive just started it recently and its so very hard but I know that I can do it. ,-1.0835416666666653,0.16741356250000194,2.213750000000001,98.18958333333336,85.25,5.516666666666668,16.916666666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.5374708333333338,102,2,28,1,3,37,28,32,0.05,0.95,0.0,-0.1244,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,8,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251445734477228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311268578390149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644955338664318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259122322596016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751998876725418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406481239806685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971013477991159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,aquieterlife,2018/04/13,"People over 40 People over 40, do you beat yourself up extra hard because you’re not over it yet? When I was young I felt like a lot of people had meltdowns or said the wrong thing and we just accepted it was part of growing up. Now I am a grown up I feel like people no longer forgive me, they expect me to be better. Maybe they’re right, maybe I should be. ",0.020906432748535764,2.2033151842105285,1.6770175438596482,98.07967836257308,87.94736842105263,3.9040935672514623,16.339181286549707,5.033348758259628,-0.8951941520467832,278,6,63,1,9,90,53,76,0.085,0.7390000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,1,2,4,6,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,0,12,11,3,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,4,10,5,9,3,3,13,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,2,6,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131490631586652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907718977137401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906598834569298,0.15409836576098218,0.20710884042415045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932276443301171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107633164766317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338309535078973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334055916454663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335854796618684,0.0,0.5981655887186117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18420930231516525,0.20518308092365944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330358103408194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358375210951037,0.0,0.0 bpd,throwaway201804031,2018/04/14,"Want information regarding diagnosis but not sure where to start. Hi, I have over the past few weeks (due to several reasons) come under the suspicion that I might have BPD, but I am not sure what resources there are for to me to find out whether I have it or not. I mainly ask this because I have clicked on the link that is posted on the sidebar, but the country I live in (Germany) isn't mentioned anywhere. Would anyone who lives in Germany or knows anything about the mental healthcare system here tell me about where I could start looking regarding this? As of now, I have no idea whatsoever regarding where or how I can look into this. I would of course rather spend as little time as possible worrying about where I have something or not. Thanks",8.58109657947686,7.5437015563380285,7.777766599597587,75.43091549295777,61.6056338028169,10.931187122736418,37.89134808853119,9.957137785484203,3.606771428571428,599,25,111,10,7,186,89,142,0.123,0.8690000000000001,0.008,-0.9446,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,6,0,15,0,0,2,2,30,24,12,0,5,13,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,6,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,14,3,21,20,2,23,0,0,3,0,6,13,0,5,7,88,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913066807384692,0.0,0.14020470439397054,0.0,0.15927830346959912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385946034639368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458226084982232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676360064600694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603115249491496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572032566870433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233345486991893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936340425305129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076123535892845,0.30088977250110216,0.0,0.28614539688402324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169865759959402,0.18074171954903265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162642907546618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207303006446566,0.1631728479674053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517462092656622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247607327705976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311635566025487,0.0,0.0,0.2411856295830893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211542082449014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489158929152118,0.15685907651198105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934745514005608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004920166524104,0.0,0.1366651293695423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302481856667326,0.0,0.2420600528762361,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,thanatos_mind,2018/04/14,"I'm done I'm sick of my life, I'm sick of everything. I'm so depressed and lonely and I can't stand it anymore. Everyone leaves and no one cares. I know I probably deserve it but damn it hurts. Bad stuff happens to me all the time, but like literally ALL the fucking time and as soon as something good happens something at least twice as bad happens like I'm being punished for not feeling like shit for a day or two. What have I done to deserve this? I don't even know why I keep trying. Maybe it's beat to just give up. Fuck. 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I try to calm him down and rationalize things but sometimes it seems like it’s not the thing to do.,-1.3520000000000003,0.6377088000000022,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,94.33333333333334,3.888888888888889,16.38888888888889,5.46131890053228,-1.0174444444444442,156,4,41,1,6,51,37,45,0.0,0.888,0.112,0.5994,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,7,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,5,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24376906826539746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767715765622213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28921534187136483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33108337067108523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35969181508499143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7248445332634585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24691690394639176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,yeshalxox,2018/04/14,Does anyone know any good books on how to stop controlling people and being insecure? I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. I told him when we first started dating that I have BPD and that if he wants to be with me he cannot have girl friends because it gives me severe anxiety. I know this is VERY wrong now and more girls are trying to talk to him. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me and part of me wants to let him have friends that are girls but I’m just so jealous and it makes my anxiety 10x worse than it already it. I’m so scared of losing him. He’s my best friend and I’m terrified that he’s going to replace me. How can I stop this? Does anyone know any good books? I feel like I’m failing as a person. ,0.8000216450216442,2.6604135909090907,2.2062077922077923,97.53121645021645,81.92207792207795,5.405367965367966,19.357575757575766,6.42735559955562,-0.1751665800865796,559,14,133,5,15,180,88,154,0.263,0.634,0.104,-0.9784,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,5,7,14,2,2,1,0,13,0,0,4,0,26,29,14,0,4,3,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,10,9,0,3,5,2,0,1,2,7,0,2,2,1,19,7,15,23,3,11,0,2,0,0,20,2,0,1,9,78,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738340549508334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397136554927727,0.0,0.2182060016464591,0.0,0.0,0.19944477882067455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08693910406168771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966964432362145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962340111911332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995912479358526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496133669633237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211235656837149,0.10188690779693564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121311488639335,0.0,0.0,0.33056082113431506,0.0,0.0,0.13681296004749802,0.08105355751741815,0.2392437860215189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135182771074128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583739800094914,0.0,0.06967634759390867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955397016054634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519916447027878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544422753056721,0.0,0.09887392686500554,0.1245292455836054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278631087549468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111866274106218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094632919607673,0.0,0.0,0.2384714257770029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463159878951194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627838667101572,0.0,0.09682881161048376,0.0,0.13931785601042462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767545615900753,0.16824054089967405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453407537047496,0.0,0.15593128225736702,0.0,0.09184183899337954 bpd,ianjames92,2018/04/14,I'm going to need something stronger. I can't cope with the speed of my thoughts anymore. I need to be dumbed down.,0.4287500000000009,2.7952210416666716,1.2966666666666669,100.015,88.58333333333334,3.2,24.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.10073333333333244,91,4,20,0,3,28,20,24,0.104,0.7829999999999999,0.113,0.0516,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560630541446445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613521885842909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6819689539445335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540269659163013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650818777019163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,nilherm,2018/04/14,"Semi creative writing / Semi late-night venting I just feel kinda .. quiet now. Like, it's not really a calm feeling or a sense of being at ease. It's not like that. My brain just feels a bit quieter right now. And it's really nice. I like when I get to be entirely alone. Everyone is asleep around me, in another room -- in another world. There is no living energy to tolerate, no noises or movements. And I can just let go of some of the tension in my shoulders. Look out the window to find no traces of activity out there in the dark. My jaw doesn't clench down quite as hard. It's just quiet and I get to be alone. Do you ever get those feelings? When you feel so exhausted and overwhelmed from the things inside you, that everything outside of you also begins to make you angry? The sound of someone you love joyously chuckling to their entertainment makes you feel bitter and hateful. The noise of happy animals tapping their paws in your direction and wiggling hello makes you feel impatient and resentful. An outreach of contact from the people you trustfully share each bit of your life with makes you feel irritated and shameful. It's not as though I don't want these lives to be shared in mine, and it's not like I don't adore each one individually with every breath. It's moreso that I am feeling such an amount of pain inside of myself, and such an unbearable amount of pressure (seemingly, coming from nowhere and leading to nothing), that I just become filled with rage at the notion that these creatures also love me. Because that means -- in my mind -- that I am committing an act of betrayal by not reciprocating their love with ecclectic joy for simply being welcomed into their presence. That I am unworthy and vile for not smiling gratefully in every moment they are alive. That I am a thing of filth, exactly because I look at a thing they love as a thing of filth. I look down on me and their love for me. So, I appreciate these moments in the dead hours of the night when I can exist alone. When I can take advantage of my insufferable emotional impermanence to forget about all that connection that I do have day-to-day. And I can just ""be"". There are no expectations when no one admires you. There are no failures when no one believes in you. There are no unspeakable mistakes when no one thinks you're better than that. There are no disappointments when no one turns to you for anything. You just get to ""be"". Exist. Take a deep breath. No one comments on how loud or laboured it sounds. Wiggle your eyebrows. No one questions your ugly expressions. Blink as deliberately as you please. No one stares uncomfortably at how unnecessary your face is. You're just here. That's good.",4.156448472941598,6.362341029469551,4.801748080014288,81.24064319521345,72.88998035363457,7.9278621182353985,27.08881050187533,8.710501217029153,2.1505359528487227,2140,79,392,42,44,685,233,509,0.207,0.648,0.145,-0.9807,0,3,0,0,0,0,68.0,0,20,7,4,37,37,5,4,21,0,30,15,7,7,4,75,66,37,1,3,17,0,10,4,0,0,3,5,2,0,29,25,0,0,14,1,0,6,23,13,0,8,0,20,57,24,69,58,8,48,0,2,4,5,41,26,0,7,20,290,86,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23851223861800244,0.0,0.12277586354271225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609869402429164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317001385488487,0.06833599970357687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358892167565096,0.08477951515143882,0.0,0.08648644317459868,0.0,0.06789128616087257,0.1676122356826396,0.0,0.0,0.08569371642502098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612516125100683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901251814870103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634887063903625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943719382215746,0.1293535163792016,0.0733510391778828,0.06899029596712679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493264617347397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701606638129488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604235345601779,0.0,0.04362660006622606,0.06438577954365303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171642415642418,0.06876522932686875,0.07578829663999241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559681686879953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659283755573281,0.0,0.0,0.07849612073990937,0.054220496756608616,0.15001153526921138,0.0,0.13556757014570744,0.0,0.1933866138494489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464113430006168,0.0,0.20496155886020012,0.0,0.0,0.08361821232750649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750949025917303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407513182775708,0.0,0.07365687481278928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161367522189907,0.0,0.08168202711845776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05321830893591459,0.0,0.0,0.08426353017205665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599295228273113,0.08164768203978298,0.0,0.0,0.09835362958023068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555581092839767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988282201217384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504166422084268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543355188741852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039936603757321,0.04918710230567898,0.07541998065561101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349690126981375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527724024437999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,wishfulthrowaway9877,2018/04/14,"I want to die. Or just end this cycle. Are there any resources for me? I say I want to die, but I always have this strange skepticism of hope. I don't really want to die, but I don't want to take this anymore. I keep researching ways to kill myself. If I do, I have to wait a few days, my family has some important things in the next few days and I don't want to ruin that. But I really just can't picture going on. I have nothing, nobody, there isn't really anything to go on for. Everything I think I've turned it around, I'm so fucked up, everybody I put my effort into has left. I hate myself so much now, more than anything. I guess I made the title because I'm thinking of checking myself in somewhere, but I don't really know. I don't want to honestly keep dealing with this. I'm so done. I'm so unhappy. But I'm afraid of who I'll hurt if I do kill myself. I'm the most selfish person I've known, and all I want is love, but the only unselfish thing I've ever held onto is that killing myself would make my families life harder. I keep thinking of checking myself in somewhere, but I don't have my own insurance and I can't pay for anything. I don't know what to do. I'm at my wits end. It's funny in a way, I read a statistic when I first got diagnosed that said whatever percentage of bpd kill themselves. I want to be something special, but I'm not. Just another one. I wish I knew what to do, but I'm so lost. I'm sorry for this post, I just wanted to get my feelings out somewhere.",1.490986500519213,2.9036540903426804,3.8242367601246094,88.82011422637592,78.19003115264798,6.9985462097611615,23.726895119418487,7.793537801064563,1.1050340602284523,1157,38,258,18,27,402,149,321,0.223,0.6629999999999999,0.114,-0.9945,0,0,1,0,0,6,42.0,0,0,0,3,15,16,7,1,7,0,26,4,0,2,2,56,73,21,7,14,17,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,15,7,0,5,8,1,3,3,11,12,0,2,7,3,44,4,36,64,8,28,0,3,0,2,6,13,1,7,9,168,59,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209799785255643,0.0,0.0,0.0589235464165192,0.09085788295119436,0.0,0.0,0.0859314383843624,0.0,0.0,0.2139115278366812,0.0771350055234513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528197584121048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091300025997528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176146053938713,0.08933018495385715,0.0,0.08794579925279378,0.2697805351288168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886708899236408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534886500436323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837799040385922,0.0,0.0,0.07787354957229553,0.0,0.16336786599629827,0.0,0.043811784047904284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370266339524181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010459158412292,0.04526995389716676,0.0,0.09848800198064883,0.0,0.06930024475153553,0.0,0.09545243569656896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554686702904546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606092019597059,0.0,0.0,0.0927583739771754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310499165382725,0.3834522739734118,0.0,0.09523884466788812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414320188465768,0.0,0.06120197750741866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458642346622917,0.0,0.07820311686854607,0.08198834239853048,0.057838149157673074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369617972237365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215102954937812,0.0,0.0,0.08314100137803762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871486262760201,0.06589963595830665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565760813799692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298474092112612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710507644261926,0.0,0.0,0.08667135276129463,0.0,0.22203546575248187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242199945246295,0.06890589153631174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670579020064797,0.0,0.09699523523993107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514844080024175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513003532607673,0.1665614357507902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424803864105964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4599646119669881,0.1375541470992914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996408140944152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615521853835054,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,princesslena-,2018/04/14,"Bad FP? My fp and I went to different universities. I had a really hard time adjusting to the change and didn’t end up making any friends. It’s been the hardest 8 months of my life and the only thing making it remotely better was my fp saying that he would be home in the summer and everything would be better. But, he’s not coming home and is staying at his university. He hasn’t talked to me much all over the last 8 months and promised that everything would be better once he got home but since he’s not coming home I don’t know what to do. I feel like my life has been turned upside down and inverted and I don’t think our friendship will survive because he’s horrible at keeping in touch. I have no idea what to do and any advice would be helpful.",2.6726352357320096,4.3645921741935485,3.9812903225806453,87.7550124069479,75.64516129032258,7.349875930521091,23.53598014888337,8.139509932561175,1.2149255583126553,597,18,126,10,13,196,88,155,0.071,0.8,0.13,0.8076,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,6,0,22,2,0,2,1,28,33,11,0,4,4,0,3,1,1,5,2,1,4,0,7,11,0,1,5,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,7,4,13,6,13,17,2,17,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,7,77,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016804935372515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725207153069327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026775379991334,0.07496335972149344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262795733924844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008940656951518,0.21186115453622706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848088629861235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089178106099627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210408788253645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062178976700332164,0.08785212365051433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500883793688236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983529522336163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015988922761988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242638601635023,0.0,0.493408837619579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882184555749036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093042864246942,0.0,0.0,0.0675828893100558,0.10023962235875322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371930480105935,0.06007852467694956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641712158963003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631217056880704,0.0,0.09039949778185516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096251167008016,0.0,0.09352670789054356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877982118107428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779327451416324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172475391508226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310731362329241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988412506460937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169797167151623,0.07879630148058045,0.0,0.0,0.0717066985736322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375959747055252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399744680714377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34942671100823,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Irouquois_Pliskin,2018/04/14,"What are your experiences and reactions to opiates? (I wanted to say straight off that while I find opiates to be helpful I do not in any way condone anyone here using them if they can possibly avoid it, opiate withdrawal can be very difficult for someone who doesn't even have the disorder but I've found that for myself at peast the symptoms can be several times worse and also have a severe effect on my emotions so please avoid them if you can and make sure you are responsible and do your research if you do decide to take them, I don't want anyone here to do anything dangerous or harmful to themselves because of my own curiosity after all.) So as a long time user of opioid substances I was curious as to how much experience others here have as well the reactions they've had to this class of drug, for me opiates have always been really helpful for calming down and not letting my empathy overwhelm me so I'd like to ask a few questions to try and figure out how these drugs interact with a person who has BPD as compared to someone who does not suffer the disorder. 1. What reaction do you have to opioid substances? Does it cause you to feel better or worse after you've taken it? 2. Did taking opiates affect you mentally/emotionally as well as physically or did you only feel sensation and didn't notice any change in psychological or emotional state? 3. To the other experienced users like myself what is your drug of choice? Is there a reason you prefer that specific kind of opiate over others or do you take it simply because it's what's available/convenient? 4. Another question I have for the experienced users is have you noticed any change in how opiates make you feel as you've built tolerance to them besides the standard diminishing returns that come with tolerance? 5. And lastly I'm curious as to what detox and withdrawal has been like for you if you've ever tried to/succeeding in getting off opiates, do you feel like getting past the acute symptoms took a longer or shorter amount of time compared to those who don't have the disorder who've detoxed? Also what way did PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms) hit you and do you believe it was more intense than it would've been for someone without the disorder? Thank you in advance to everyone who contributes, I've been trying to learn how things are different for me and how certain activities/substances can impact me differently because I suffer from borderline but I couldn't find all that much with my Google-Fu so I thought it'd be best to come here since you guys always seem to want to help where you can, oh and if you have any experiences or stories relating to the subject that might not answer any of the questions I asked specifically please still share it, this stuff can be hard since I can end up feeling isolated with no real resources so anything you can share would be greatly appreciated, thanks guys.",9.298846153846156,8.043484122710623,8.938461538461544,68.38153846153847,60.33699633699634,11.98974358974359,40.04761904761904,10.971632043042849,4.4356322344322345,2345,104,402,49,26,756,246,546,0.081,0.747,0.171,0.9951,2,2,5,0,0,0,34.0,0,23,5,4,23,25,1,3,18,0,59,8,0,12,5,83,88,47,0,11,19,0,6,4,0,2,8,1,0,3,35,19,0,2,20,0,0,4,11,8,2,0,15,9,49,17,68,61,9,36,0,3,0,0,48,15,0,17,17,291,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467867064057892,0.10891719264364992,0.0,0.0,0.22253694441764274,0.06862871255334414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152656431143193,0.0,0.10771747612063624,0.0,0.122371477652499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969083692436296,0.0,0.0,0.07373831988401718,0.06868441684789324,0.0578840936510857,0.0,0.0,0.08243039938964021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723388670542092,0.13847218165556352,0.11275659198668593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367600106416225,0.3000397141165514,0.0,0.11454927032661658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22769928631045044,0.0,0.0,0.2208630767235071,0.057968159183852085,0.0,0.0,0.04322827682001965,0.05920213413760275,0.0,0.06253907771192023,0.0,0.19206428487402324,0.0,0.0,0.16546425231412934,0.04675659435213298,0.0,0.0,0.1196379289426875,0.0,0.0,0.0717611674317274,0.0,0.0,0.0683885327810394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215746909401033,0.0,0.1296090888055534,0.0,0.0,0.058629217376483675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316067364589968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681547932547367,0.0,0.05334946004588456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692577296870357,0.0,0.12789979756298334,0.0,0.0,0.05792007710588016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737508698703858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943077246829854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622471197707924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902765308498775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04977671751368048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247822990523379,0.0,0.057147317026583724,0.0,0.14368612962473076,0.0,0.0737836227351194,0.06268180311937185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995270901801006,0.0,0.0,0.07449499693327766,0.04192814002710222,0.06729220723427583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204746654748335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059582076621286874,0.0,0.14787689840104346,0.0,0.10827975139904786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636352008683195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226744989367054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492315109973223,0.0,0.0,0.061684664767835164,0.20407890839780532,0.14762792633128066,0.0,0.0,0.12051281660996105,0.0,0.0,0.0434812359918948,0.0,0.0,0.051958990441525715,0.1144910633307735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271596051806106,0.13330619892087822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565266992533577,0.0,0.05400206648527226,0.11581009122547074,0.1039003300007398,0.0,0.0,0.11769255824683035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309025173077744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333957190525441,0.09298581698153496,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,spinspin__sugar,2018/04/14,"My relationship is going downhill and I’m obsessing about it So long story short-ish, I met someone. He’s great, super sweet, really into me, and most importantly a stable person and far cry from my past abusive relationships with other broken people. Things of course started out amazing as they always do with me... I really believed I found a stable loving and mutually gratifying healthy relationship. Sounds all good in the hood right? Except now my dysfunctional borderline ways of thinking might be starting to rear its ugly head or is it? I’m noticing now all the little things he used to do that he doesn’t do anymore, like how he used to tell me daily that I’m beautiful and pretty, or how lucky he feels to have to me. Those are sparse now. Or how I used to catch him just gazing at me with admiration, that doesn’t happen anymore. Small and maybe stupid things he used to do that just made me feel really special that are falling off already after 4 months of dating. I’m so afraid that I’ve let my guard down too much- that now my feelings for him are so strong that he feels he doesn’t need to try anymore, taking me for granted, hurting me and eventually of course, abandoning me. There it is, the crux of bpd- abandonment fears. Now I’m having STRONG feelings to cut ties and RUN. I think I’d rather be single and alone than suffer anymore of this daily anxiety and questioning whether he’s slowly losing interest or whatever my stupid brain tells me. I’m not currently in therapy as I can no longer see my school counselor since I’ve graduated.. I’m a mess in the head, I could use some support rn :(",5.442417582417583,6.480975512820513,6.0889010989011005,77.87038461538461,67.91025641025641,9.019780219780221,29.280219780219774,9.23628265651192,2.473825824175824,1288,45,238,24,21,420,178,312,0.154,0.6559999999999999,0.19,0.955,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,4,17,26,3,3,7,0,21,4,3,9,2,54,52,23,0,3,10,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,18,15,0,3,9,0,0,4,5,12,0,0,3,8,27,14,35,44,6,30,0,5,1,1,21,12,0,9,14,147,45,2,0.0,0.1124767122140151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831901257050817,0.1047577881511229,0.0,0.07898949480286015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262130979399045,0.0,0.3765808265325202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695377825807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195612087705656,0.1059734498056395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757940053307936,0.0,0.10427631920462174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682281807984274,0.23999769698412365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408601662073937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395099553599254,0.07962291123919607,0.0,0.10466083253975923,0.0,0.0,0.08394642377350738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485145558943945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016246957949618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970725166114905,0.0,0.04637807929893035,0.09514495573777734,0.0,0.0840102011168191,0.0,0.10620256279351674,0.0,0.0,0.0856781724520032,0.08982520928012441,0.0,0.0,0.09537010156206142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070589422895812,0.0,0.0,0.07577234513448734,0.0,0.06978458774169803,0.07038950809872528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807861222931907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062157583399838,0.06581261761118422,0.08288935092254074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965780970438018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063435009303896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244406700418964,0.0,0.0,0.305758383992472,0.0,0.08106983485734434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607438633381693,0.07564704398457534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852720633714143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043401343917199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438410657452035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772561648463093,0.0,0.0,0.07137566339260934,0.0,0.16594628178096738,0.0,0.10856090706353363,0.0,0.189202133164086,0.12165482219076135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445134480161525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099458780125155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535113949787775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,panfuneral,2018/04/14,"Why did I message my best - backspace because idk if I have any best friends?? - friend? I sent a meme to one of my friends and it sparked up a conversation and now I hate myself because even though I love talking to her it feels so forced and all I can focus on is coming off interesting and the fact that I’m NOT coming off interesting and she probably never wants to talk to me again. She stopped responding BUT I was ALSO mad at her FOR responding when she DID respond because it forced me to respond back and deepened my anxiety so I think I’m just gonna go awol for the night or find someone random from r/Kikpals or some shit to talk to. Or, alternatively, I can smoke a cigarette and take a couple shots so I feel capable of socializing again. I hate that those feel like my only options. /end rant",3.3682704252269486,5.037398459627333,4.55801242236025,84.44225513616819,73.72049689440993,7.686765408504539,29.154801720019112,8.384062270229773,2.052477878643096,636,27,130,11,13,209,100,161,0.196,0.667,0.13699999999999998,-0.9307,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,12,13,4,0,6,0,7,2,1,0,3,29,23,18,0,2,7,0,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,5,0,0,4,2,4,0,1,4,3,23,9,17,18,4,18,0,0,0,1,20,5,1,7,10,90,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811718395043427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044238062517644,0.0,0.11299157589579167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357367081689915,0.0,0.2701131857266051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100081363167776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544642769307867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634293815953737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082007403584364,0.0,0.0,0.09755573496997014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404760864702167,0.10551829178170358,0.0,0.0,0.13499689262288336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423424454648063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394241337772007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916501637115932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215970466343449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330676288661986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391683770540068,0.0,0.0,0.13860826026983702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008665362245064,0.11233397717095206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924766726198425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161391360782325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505635220543282,0.12514737010247934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348543120421145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105347328788992,0.356151661190331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464143592046556,0.14511640108379895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711842801012637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327802265172256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Abowloforangess,2018/04/15,"I don't know who to tell this to. Ashamed and scared of my self. For the past 4 years I have been paying someone to unblock me 2, 3, 4 times a week, only to be blocked again in a few days. This has totaled up to OVER $20,000. I can't hold a job. I've done many illegal things to get this money to pay this person to unblock me. Then I don't keep any of my promises, lose control of my emotions, harass them and blame them for everything, and start coming up with how to get the next $100 I'll have to send them before I'm even blocked. I am fucking sick. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to tell. And most importantly I don't want to keep hurting this person. I am so ashamed. And scared because i know that at any moment my mind is going to switch back into obsessive mode and try to act like I'm the victim here, when I am clearly the one harassing him.",1.96698412698413,2.7892412275132297,3.5977513227513254,93.31345238095241,75.8783068783069,6.458201058201059,24.082010582010582,6.5431188927421005,0.4810359788359779,668,20,161,5,14,223,108,189,0.233,0.7140000000000001,0.053,-0.9852,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,3,2,7,13,4,5,7,0,17,2,0,2,2,25,32,10,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,10,9,0,6,4,0,3,4,6,11,0,1,2,0,21,2,27,29,3,22,0,2,0,1,12,6,1,1,13,100,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599967955300064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646547825885978,0.0,0.09233026496780967,0.0,0.12888361433188933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047171716549508,0.0,0.0,0.16987831351161908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976809206914718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499894372301806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037516755249832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003969448596492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612492147154812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002483897020768,0.1582660339259729,0.0,0.08607975114232552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214396855955834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503033731174903,0.2692540399791014,0.0,0.0,0.3329597873131874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739970316552847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944803492725646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355941954763805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529341645360833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108231523831948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263505526963304,0.11519421959185352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458829940796664,0.0,0.2645028003237173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30328120031133765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580086440734956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833386652899353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720608893770298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647701770242617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062509737808513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831912688902653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283324091044857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933663330929073,0.0,0.121494253527459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753702227449702 bpd,Shy_PositiveGuy,2018/04/15,"How can we deal with instability Im in a relationship with a guy with BPD since June last year. He was diagnosted at the end of 2017, and he's been in therapy and Meds. Obviously, he has improve in some aspects, but some of them are still there, and they re-appear every so often: Depression, Intrusive thoughts, Self-harm, very low self-esteem, etc. I love him, more than anyone in my life, but sometimes I don't know what to do, how to help him, or simply I feel too tired of the problems. I just want to be happy with the man I love, without this awful moments. I want him to be fine and happy. Do you have any advice for us?",5.485747767857141,4.768391882812502,6.66017857142857,79.88125000000002,67.671875,9.501785714285717,29.223214285714285,8.841846274778883,1.9767464285714285,483,14,105,7,7,164,91,128,0.105,0.66,0.234,0.9616,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,2,0,8,8,0,0,5,1,11,4,0,2,1,26,18,10,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,15,5,19,13,4,12,0,2,0,2,18,6,0,4,6,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806036005086924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099956385560469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309945538057473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371863289982836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667572869234937,0.13931515439695474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326260976649044,0.0,0.18039415741863613,0.0,0.0,0.13628146509690106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178572838375232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601580641266321,0.0,0.3443720532148713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841770605001816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17471790243339566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888936441514628,0.13184794865688268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142489039820257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919716242543514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966793620297622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547730345134804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365911186165536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374813347273698,0.0,0.0,0.1338013832826316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599750196116971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917386687849844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497537621744947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284115396501789,0.0,0.18590798595822916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945654968264508,0.0,0.0,0.1334608013500409,0.19080884103559187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559213582254622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416178385538068 bpd,Emmajeankk,2018/04/15,"Anyone else here have SERIOUS issues with compulsive lying? I feel like a criminal half the time with some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth and the stuff I get away with. My family has grown quite sick of/ impressed with me, and I’ve been dubbed the “con man” of the family. The sickest part of it all is at some point in my lies I convince my own self of their validity and it becomes so delusional that it works. The guilt I feel after the fact is all consuming, and I’m actually dealing with some of that guilt right now. I don’t intentionally lie at all. Sometimes I just get so wrapped up in stress or a persona that it just spills out of me until it’s too late. Anyone care to share some of their shitty compulsive lying situations to make a gal feel less alone 😊",4.810000000000001,5.272290668789812,5.640006369426754,82.58994585987264,69.06369426751593,9.33732484076433,27.16496815286624,9.3871,2.008383949044586,613,18,130,12,10,201,94,157,0.181,0.742,0.077,-0.9491,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,7,9,0,3,11,0,6,3,1,2,4,28,15,8,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,11,12,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,3,14,5,26,14,10,17,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,5,6,91,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.16295922101227228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729524136523325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23352811422157335,0.17110211202176948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689363177154353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442854578879184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025855181980865,0.0,0.0,0.14384804286493474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216048749708593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394996329397615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148486871017824,0.0,0.25330714708696817,0.11929847240111985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449191078989956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429531865164005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837322999078096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158341449530918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146785333599847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18083508388380026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578605620815286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761558601420327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426094836226978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420813260918325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770498863897184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515846396770248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128773634787466,0.0,0.3823297054683191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737385102712652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215715067956725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,vee0284,2018/04/15,"Do I pick my education, which I may not even complete, or the person I'm in love with who makes me feel stable? Basically I've been in post secondary for 4 years with almost nothing to show for it. I've transferred schools twice, changed my major, if i want to finish my Bsc it would take at LEAST three more years. And im not sure if I could even do it mentally. My boyfriend is from the UK and is going home this summer (I'm Canadian). I've been accepted to study abroad there for a year, But since our systems are so different it wouldn't help me much academically if i were to come back to canada. In England you only study your subject area (which makes sense) and it only takes three years. Here even though im in biology I've got to take chemistry, math, physics etc and it's really wearing me out. I just want to be done. If I dont go abroad and try to stay here I might be able to get a degree in 3-4 years... maybe. But I'd also lose the one person who im closest to. He's really good for my bpd and I feel normal around him. If I go abroad ill be with him but unless I finish my degree at that school which I'm not sure if I could do (international fees etc), it would really just put me back a year if i was to come back. We've only been together for 8 months but i feel like if I stay here and lose him I would regret it forever because he honestly is so good for me. I haven't told my parents about him because I dont want them to think im going there just for him, ive always wanted to study abroad anyways. I'm just not sure if me taking time off to study abroad is stupid and my bpd is influencing me to stay with my boyfriend, or if it's a legitimate option and i need to take a break from school for a bit. Tldr; either i stay in Canada and try to finish my degree in the next four years and risk feeling like I'm wasting my life (as i currently feel at school right now) or I go abroad for a year to travel and take a break and be with my boyfriend who is very good for my bpd ",3.5009246369339166,3.5049786937354988,4.9269708687806135,88.17041161811466,71.80742459396751,8.055718827876602,24.54764973790496,7.793537801064563,0.9311303772449953,1551,37,367,18,27,522,180,431,0.07200000000000001,0.8490000000000001,0.078,0.1604,3,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,2,1,2,23,16,1,1,12,0,32,4,1,4,3,80,67,36,0,23,27,1,5,2,0,6,2,0,1,2,17,22,0,0,7,2,1,9,8,5,0,5,8,5,52,11,51,47,8,53,0,3,0,1,20,16,0,17,22,229,69,8,0.06548526069745451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655740292621913,0.0,0.0,0.05236853932058134,0.054488982815141036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829576570223882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106236993730013,0.0,0.07983841421790686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149294414779853,0.0,0.2474291802846527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927472278220705,0.1128195072592078,0.06866004993205843,0.0,0.0,0.1045693041655149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684181596015855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701415769038876,0.15349647565728788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606675184912635,0.12975719125339788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655565771028051,0.09356536665367056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034213345909958344,0.0,0.1860839138139419,0.16477778923762498,0.0523745451721666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043893389875451466,0.0,0.06568705582134075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28294127552162285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046254176259849344,0.06398558117698355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652251247897166,0.0,0.0,0.05910300449472996,0.0,0.08742384003386762,0.0,0.06578874618786971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599374048534104,0.06946951305006217,0.0,0.0,0.0522697103228785,0.0,0.04813920144329624,0.04855649104643714,0.0,0.0,0.06964431766582793,0.0,0.06416165164615689,0.06283487378645533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437450742046276,0.14941347491782953,0.0,0.0,0.07271363234640672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435840751352612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271677795016388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583077415131212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258546045461702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592405483024062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26509831966814995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417008435494639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791942992492079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851572496633717,0.0,0.2954205978194222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04196031087599391,0.06433893614842008,0.0,0.038184982131202326,0.0,0.0,0.06257397290561299,0.0,0.0889203868963289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540321982467046,0.15449961369583645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955655100666348,0.0,0.0,0.3373628869644187 bpd,CraftyAdministration,2018/04/15,"Just came home from a mental health assessment and received a diagnosis of BPD. I am feeling incredibly hopeless and at a loss. Any advice as to what I should do? I would really appreciate it if anyone has an idea for what I should do. I am on a (very long) waitlist to start DBT. I will be seeing a therapist regularly until then to do some CBT (which I have tried before, unsuccessfully). I feel ashamed. I really didn't see this coming.",2.888735294117648,5.141438976470589,5.212573529411767,76.61533088235294,76.88235294117645,8.485294117647058,24.742647058823533,9.188382445141503,2.280794117647059,343,12,65,9,8,120,64,85,0.111,0.831,0.057,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,6,0,13,1,0,0,0,13,20,6,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,2,4,9,0,10,13,1,9,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,2,4,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175528110179706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139697492706722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566903956644662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944290952156115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28039643355128463,0.0,0.0,0.2546309926962466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177722349139575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22513823333454686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366467496219581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22331742959660766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251323732840458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970217683252583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22436007079897066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28524672975237025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548167764458732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757963890185994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584921952001124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115209528064014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836942069793336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581509470142862,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,tobysuks,2018/04/15,i’m jealous of my boyfriend’s best friend i don’t know where i’m going to go. i have nowhere to go. my boyfriend talked about how he’s going to get his best friend up there and live with him. didn’t mention anything about me. my own best friend doesn’t talk to me anymore. i don’t have any friends. my boyfriend loves his best friend more than me. he talks about how they’re soulmates and i don’t think it’s fair. i hate everything. i just want to be happy. ,-0.31066718995290543,1.9338038673469415,0.35408163265306136,105.95080847723708,91.95918367346935,3.4235478806907382,18.762951334379906,4.713530739802397,-0.930997802197802,361,11,89,1,13,108,56,98,0.058,0.5670000000000001,0.375,0.9891,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,8,13,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,0,9,20,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,16,11,12,18,6,6,0,0,0,1,15,2,0,0,0,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476731045376227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382043647126133,0.0,0.0,0.11467866074477702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5849848861539311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125244784084911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383330656662987,0.0,0.07280810535187979,0.0,0.3167984151427205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834776045226736,0.0,0.1375858548767775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658677819644179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230544876913236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577483035976367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360288240339382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929412349488362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219617119877362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Synetry,2018/04/15,"An interesting realisation I had my first contact with the mental health team that will be conducting my DBT this week. I was concerned and anxious about being around lots of strangers and being put on the spot. That is until the coordinator said that most people that attend find solitude in others, because they find themselves around people that actually understand what they're going through. This was huge for me and has inspired a lot of confidence. Then I came to realise that this sub is a lot like that, after all the whole foundation of counselling for me is that you have someone to open up to that doesn't know you personally and won't judge you. So in short I just wanted to thank everyone here for being such a great community in opening up, sharing experiences and replying to posts and comments, this sub is 100% my favourite place on reddit.",10.604285714285718,8.871206407643315,9.541856232939038,66.59993630573251,58.171974522293,12.283530482256598,40.89990900818926,10.914260884657429,4.415311919927207,694,29,118,13,7,218,103,157,0.012,0.845,0.14300000000000002,0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,2,7,6,0,0,8,0,16,1,0,0,1,24,23,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,15,12,0,0,5,1,0,4,2,0,0,1,5,1,13,6,25,12,6,24,0,0,0,0,10,14,0,4,6,95,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.16438932737088005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903079924439877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29992415207159284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268957101170173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266945655637424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096748656949236,0.0,0.1647828649811047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30793253474240645,0.1432890856377478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573775966830897,0.0,0.0,0.18572398030527396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906147308582174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925793339141269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229937864328389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296472949852855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976461685225375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335731715570819,0.14708979285452098,0.17600127777390498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133484328384826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934539652843558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024078905594638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273271829913994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509219114545825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753692465287249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993600587343619,0.0,0.13512571180718946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807576186790406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Throwmylifeaway77,2018/04/15,"I actually did a horrible thing an i actually am a monster...... On top of BPD i also suffer from an extreme case of OCD.... so everytime i do something lightly bad i feel suicidal.... but this time.... this i did something that is truly monstrous....... and i dont know if i should forgive myself for doing it.... This is gonna be long.... and very painful to write. I did some horrible stuff, and i dont want you to be nice to me... i want you to be 100% honest if you decide to reply to this post... Im 19 years old btw... but that doesnt apologise what i did.. I have a giatness, domination and foot fetish... i can very turned on when i see a woman step on something. It started very safely... i watched women step on action figures and stuff like that... i also watched very gory CGI animation of raptors crushing smaller raptors.... there is a whole fetish community for that. But then... when i was 18 years old i masturbated to stuff that i shouldnt... it started with ""soft"" crush videos that you can find on pornhub.. it was about women crusing bugs,crawdads and other insects..... Then there are ""hard"" crush videos, these are illegal to buy and distribute... and i never done that... i have never bough a crush video and i never supported that fucked up industry... they are awful because they involve the trampling of animals.... dogs,cats.... its one of the most disgusting porn videos ever.... and people that made them deserve to rot forever... And i found some on liveleak.... and i masturbated to them... I love animals.... i know its hard to believe after reading this... but i never harmed an animal.. but nothing will change the fact that i masturbated to those fucking videos... its all because i always get turned on when woman steps on something.. but that wont apologise that.. nothing will... the only redeeming factor is that the videos were posted there and i didnt support the industry by buying them..... Do you know what else i masturbated to ? There was a news report of a woman attacking a child by stepping in the child..... they showed a security cam video... i masturbated to that too..... im a sick person and im disgusted with what i did.... im now 19 years old and i realise that what i did was wrong and i want to vomit when i think of those videos... i feel like a monster... Im suicidal and i self harm almost every day... my thights are all scared after all the cutting i did in last months... I became a zombie and every day i live with the constant guilt of what i did.... Im not a bad person... i know im not... i watched those videos but i would never buy them and i will never watch it again.. i never wanted to harm an animal in real life.. i love animals.... I also very often post to self harm and suicide watch forums.... i calmed many suicidal people down and probably prevented many suicides.... I never brag about those things... but i just want you to know that im not a bad person... But the fact that i masturbated to those videos is killing me from inside and i think i 100% deserve that. I told my friends... they were all too nice... they were all like "" you are just a teenager. You didnt buy those videos.. You realised that it was wrong and dont watch them anymore"" ... thats what they all say. But i still masturbated to that.... nothing will ever change that... nothing ever will. I wanted to commit suicide some days ago but im just too afraid to do it... I dont know if the guilt i feel is justified or if its too much... i dont know... i feel like i should die.. I want you to tell me what do you think..... please, if you think that im a monster then say it.. dont just leave a downvote... you dont have to explain yourself just write "" you are a monster"" ... i posted to other forums and subreddits... but all people there are just too nice.... i watched ANIMAL TORTURE PORN.... and nothing will change that.. And if maybe you think that i should forgive myself.... do you think that i should tell my potentional partner about it ?Unfortunately im handsome... and there is a girl that likes me... i dont want to talk to her because i dont want her to date a monster... i think that before she would date me she should know about the videos a watched.... I no longer watch those videos and never will... i feel like vomiting when thinking about that i watched it...... BDP and OCD causes you to feel guilt over pointless things... but this is not anything light... i think that the thing that i did is way too fucked up..... 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No one seems to understand what I am going through or how hard this is for me. I also am in a situation where I cannot currently afford counseling because of the divorce, so I am dealing with it all alone. I have scared off the only person I could talk to...if anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it. I feel like I’m dying. 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Hi. I've seen several posts recommend using a DBT workbook if you can't get access to DBT. I've had a look on Amazon and there are several of these workbooks. Which one do you guys use? If it matters, I'm in the UK. Thanks for any info you can provide.",-0.01982142857142933,2.235235232142859,2.4907142857142865,91.45428571428572,89.53571428571428,5.342857142857143,22.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.7827785714285721,207,8,44,3,7,71,45,56,0.0,0.843,0.157,0.7622,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,12,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,3,1,5,10,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,2,0,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905685995460276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641059882433888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27747552891438976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353258206238057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898936812863425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268386524959662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6331688769081276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580016404557811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840640704338635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,khristy313,2018/04/15,"My loneliness and depression are causing me to follow the same pattern as my last two relationships and seek out other points of sexual contact. I’m fucked up on many different drugs as of now because I’m alone at home on a Saturday and I have a whole two days to do fuck all. Every time this happens I immediately go to the nearest sexually attractive person and basically cause myself to ruin my relationship. I’m in a great 6 month relationship but he’s been out of town for a month and I can’t handle this. I have coworkers that are flirting and I want it so bad I can’t even handle it but the constant fight between being a good person and making myself happy never ends. I know this is just an insane ramble sponsored by alcohol weed and klonopin but holy shit I can’t handle this. I need them out of my life but I can’t handle it. This is just going to go one way and I can anticipate it but do nothing to stop it. Ugh. None of this made sense. I’m so ducked up. Time to go ruin another relationship and give myself more reasons to hate myself. 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So, for the longest time, I've been convinced that my diagnosis was schizoaffective disorder (which was what I was diagnosed first time I was in hospital). Shortly afterwards, it was changed to borderline personality disorder, except I kinda fought back because I felt that was wrong. But yesterday, I acted in the most stereotypical BPD way, and it's kinda made me wonder. Yesterday I woke up to find I'd wet the bed (which is a fairly frequent problem of mine), which immediately threw me into a ""fuck everything, I want to die"" mood. Ended up breaking down and cutting my arms and neck, which a friend responded to by calling the police. So they turn up and get an ambulance crew to take care of my arms and neck, and the ambulance crew wanted to take me to hospital. I felt that was unnecessary and insisted I didn't want to go, and they kept pushing until I ended up bursting into tears. By that point I was struggling to speak (I get quieter and quieter when stressed), and they decided I lacked capacity and forced me to go. When we got to hospital, all I could think about was how I didn't want to be there. So naturally I decide to the most unsensible and dramatic thing possible, and ran off. I ended up getting to the local train station, and was stopped by the transport police. They decided to section me and took me to a psychiatric hospital. It was only then, while locked up in a small room, I started to calm down and realise what an utter twat I'd been. By the time the psychiatrists got around to seeing me, my mood had shifted to a ""please send me home and let me sleep"". Which, thankfully, they agreed to do. So yeah, that was my day yesterday. I'm kinda really ashamed at what I did, but it's made me realise that maybe my diagnosis is correct. I still feel like there's a chance I have a psychotic illness; I get exceedingly paranoid, delusional and unstable when off my antipsychotic. But yeah, I guess maybe the pdoc is right. Sorry for the long post. Needed to rant.",5.995000000000001,6.8019546538461615,6.802205128205133,74.07946153846156,66.56410256410257,10.547692307692307,33.54871794871795,10.53366545652748,3.6464994871794887,1625,70,298,42,25,539,193,390,0.11,0.815,0.07400000000000001,-0.9173,0,0,0,0,0,1,60.0,1,0,5,1,15,17,4,3,23,2,26,8,5,3,2,57,63,32,1,8,4,0,4,1,1,0,2,1,3,1,19,23,0,2,9,0,0,9,2,9,0,1,30,6,48,6,53,30,5,63,0,0,1,1,13,24,1,7,28,210,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725478779649156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400575099129373,0.0,0.06659718711330627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759531321797522,0.0,0.11155546173711632,0.0,0.11138665450363794,0.0,0.1155709747129298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722645087628861,0.0,0.0,0.0704565784031704,0.0,0.0,0.11088545318536204,0.11338323206835085,0.0,0.2504176781101899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29028660828885944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818597259723506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523958586181996,0.07804751999898843,0.20979237885031493,0.0,0.09985162286917072,0.0929271585565807,0.0,0.0,0.08440551999013701,0.10099895635153534,0.2283124104262806,0.0,0.124177468687888,0.0,0.17475283891712234,0.0,0.12035010972425095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958567226839676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171452233848092,0.0,0.05337355161597723,0.0,0.0,0.09668194270564777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20674812395860692,0.0,0.0,0.21951064448074611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100676225755665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308880083041695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539202823306904,0.0,0.1199226144552574,0.10327563403061653,0.12316185237204615,0.1046303596384294,0.0,0.0,0.1045365554364898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998771815245276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329806409980017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705732250537493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932791592914054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222953308490046,0.07732701695548196,0.0,0.08724640657422653,0.09133707055676148,0.12514438054138766,0.11421079369529605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428333004717227,0.0,0.0,0.10058181733323016,0.0,0.0,0.0725801928622146,0.07000235919300878,0.0,0.0,0.19111194215124347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137967834092525,0.0,0.11883155949843074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577516044883416,0.08671678504386524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184758993309009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944665054223767,0.0,0.0 bpd,IVANISMYNAME,2018/04/15,"I am so scared of being clingy (and getting rejected) that I have no concept of how to make a friend Anyone else gradually ghost 95% of all the people you ever meet, usually within a couple weeks? I have no idea how it happens, but the end result is always the same. And I'm always totally fine with it, despite the agonizing lonliness. ",8.533179487179487,6.714870215384615,9.561538461538463,65.10179487179488,62.23076923076921,12.35897435897436,37.05128205128205,11.20814326018867,4.215051282051284,264,10,46,6,3,92,50,65,0.103,0.768,0.129,0.5845,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,0,5,0,0,4,3,13,9,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,6,8,3,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363652100924569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334574870777887,0.2686686777622729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901342072324879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21904570018095168,0.0,0.2322432973800061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371870874913061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258546953096648,0.0,0.13699571091843138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187449760161385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960070807528744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17502952134788008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178579811349205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625214179833469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887910820684161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21033182195345226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,LRstar24,2018/04/15,"Correct me if I'm wrong, but is DBT available with online therapists? I saw a therapist FOR BPD about a month ago. It was too expensive for me to keep going. I wonder if there is online therapy for BPD?",1.845731707317072,3.971570097560978,4.236768292682928,82.94344512195124,79.73170731707317,8.002439024390245,24.88414634146341,8.841846274778883,2.1522146341463406,158,6,31,4,4,55,31,41,0.064,0.936,0.0,-0.3421,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,6,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092116626894437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5945012982149591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413186942466412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977957796849428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838366563225387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699019224057605,0.5480595586705079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559464937872753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580436322794463,0.0,0.0 bpd,MyAnklesAreRingaDing,2018/04/15,"Watching The Office (US) for the first time..... Do you think a Jim and Pam love is possible? I'm loving it but I'm also in tears knowing that I'm never going to get that. Every time I think I've accepted it, and even grieved for it, I see something that reminds me of happy and solid couples and I start crying happy tears and then sobbing for what I won't get. I know it's fictional but damn it hurts when you see the way Jim looks at her or the way he talks about her. I feel they were a much stronger couple than Tim and Dawn (UK). Yeah, it's silly to get upset about it but I did not really want to spend my life alone and it's just a bad day. Sorry, thanks for letting me vent.",1.5164285714285732,2.7833756938775513,3.3153911564625886,93.11145408163269,77.77551020408163,5.98843537414966,20.413265306122447,6.42735559955562,0.04462857142857146,525,12,122,4,12,176,93,147,0.215,0.609,0.17600000000000002,-0.7788,0,1,1,0,0,1,20.0,1,2,1,1,6,13,1,1,7,1,6,3,0,0,1,21,26,14,1,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,0,6,0,1,1,3,6,0,1,2,5,16,7,13,22,1,13,0,3,4,2,10,2,2,1,8,74,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841605796363312,0.0,0.1223186811809752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771168647286424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33848532032997136,0.1680147409485755,0.09864382371982408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102584944943242,0.0,0.1288718407109489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733903765420798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301041074544574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23973924448470715,0.0,0.08692829405600826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32564854182961434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637423248941407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812099196552568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564076470679931,0.108037190126355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844433143755968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760971246256393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124400968605043,0.0,0.1179689261663994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243465876067052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798738866479814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437719051753909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775283139441994,0.0,0.17122147188294246,0.10826288761409923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294006127422187,0.0,0.14082113101865076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960157741607344,0.0,0.0,0.17837948951049426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839869691526758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021728138413858,0.24281835568194446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Sequax1,2018/04/15,"Need to vent. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't know how to start this, it always feels like I'm making up some story when I post like this, doesn't feel like it's actually me talking. I feel despair right now, like a deep dissatisfaction with who I am, and I want to change. I feel I've wasted most of my life trying to be someone I'm not, trying to understand when all I had to do was accept, but accepting myself almost feels impossible, I don't know what to accept. I feel like every day I wake up I'm a new person, trying to figure out how I can be the same person as yesterday, constantly overwhelmed by tomorrow. I feel incapable of surmounting the world, or even existing in it. People expect me to get a job, but how can I feel okay being in a professional environment when I don't even feel comfortable in the presence of my own family. I feel like everyone's judging me even when I know they're not, I can't drop the feeling, it hangs on me. My body is tense, I constantly strive for more but feel unmotivated to get up and finally get it. I mourn my last relationship, I loved, I don't know if I had love, it disappeared so quickly. I think I did, but if it can all be so fleeting than it feels like there is more hurt than love to be found in the world. I'm just feeling grey. I need some perspective. ",3.4860007683442187,4.2506128248175195,5.365597387629659,82.27938340376491,72.21167883211679,8.980099884748368,25.73492124471764,9.276330184999452,1.8959080291970802,1030,31,223,22,19,356,133,274,0.131,0.693,0.17600000000000002,0.9161,1,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,16,21,0,1,9,1,22,6,2,4,2,56,60,19,1,6,10,0,15,8,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,4,0,0,26,0,0,2,8,5,0,0,5,16,36,16,29,50,9,32,0,5,1,3,8,13,0,7,23,144,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.08020171230620196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229743986654094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838536288029526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129015466548313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694192497527581,0.0,0.0,0.17762780816066862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05300319192391269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284929818373814,0.0,0.0692452770909529,0.0785322761213859,0.0,0.0,0.07747767713316725,0.0,0.6233359121863947,0.3522823085180349,0.0,0.09003078145397078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011274265189967,0.0,0.0,0.12881642973621973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798184767332423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155695580839598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18066917659025306,0.06699258576452727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805042533075129,0.32121555307717914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194514806782901,0.0,0.0,0.22252830944192595,0.0,0.054859814922473216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298446428686224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187980354376216,0.0,0.07937578238534458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056977446794354965,0.1435233471462799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787115008800106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823704171127637,0.0,0.07018642275408449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963595868899206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581716968590492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605801982456637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052661491141425626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739676383733107,0.0,0.0,0.08555855834679729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847545137381118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,uvioletpilot,2018/04/15,"Just accepted my diagnosis I was diagnosed about a decade ago. I didn't take it seriously because I never considered myself an aggressive person...at least never when I was sober... I accepted my GAD and PTSD no problem but there was something about borderline...I consider myself extremely self aware - in some ways. I guess I really have been blind. I literally call my SO my favorite all the time and just learned that favorite person is actually the word for that. I am just...textbook broken it seems. I feel resigned and that the diagnosis itself is going to swallow me. If my identity was already bad, evil, and sick...where do I go from here. Im going to see a DBT therapist. I began writing a list of triggers and then stopped to wonder if a list of things that didnt trigger me would be shorter. I saw something today that made me pause: ""There is no gold medal for sanity. Survival is its own reward."" I wish all of you the best.",2.171848895982976,4.8715848547486065,4.016967278531528,81.44478584729984,83.13407821229049,7.208406491088056,26.40090449587656,8.269060116576782,2.276884862995477,735,32,133,17,21,247,115,179,0.16,0.693,0.147,-0.1437,0,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,4,9,10,2,0,9,0,16,3,0,3,4,31,29,11,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,10,5,1,1,6,0,0,3,6,6,0,0,10,4,25,4,12,17,6,14,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,6,9,98,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.1658847476744112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068499638573446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758709406548266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419337187322392,0.10362371966908593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783929732627345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735777800184703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725352618378638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595154852775963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898260068245299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726205374097174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836172956632337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084770669627535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622120002965224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968556847745316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265652027153452,0.19870805013155124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088993094223302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545922843692773,0.15475160581443378,0.17733560544283908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26173168192578106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211841978650633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278105763697543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737033671020032,0.1129331415437454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912195583276713,0.0,0.1611297004504443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492935983469587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547896654053906,0.0,0.18434582468056165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075531193149595,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,IHaveTheCri,2018/04/15,"I can’t sleep The last contact I had with my girlfriend was 9 hours ago via text. I haven’t called her since last night. I’m very afraid for two reasons: One, she lost interest in me... this is something I’ve thought of multiple times before, but I always end up disproving it. Two, she needs help... she has anemia, and she might have passed out, and no one is helping her. These two thoughts are running through my mind, and i cant sleep",1.6566161616161637,3.89083031818182,2.03469696969697,97.89010101010102,81.04545454545455,5.2747474747474765,23.41414141414141,6.42735559955562,0.3640489898989903,340,12,76,3,9,103,66,88,0.054000000000000006,0.888,0.058,0.09,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,11,2,2,1,0,12,16,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,5,5,0,14,1,7,10,0,12,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,1,7,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085706855186914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14160598980198988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481330143728066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17377599420911322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073173222679942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281403174716929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759609345839135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774439153941833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577498010633905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053739762201584,0.17183643850948987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618862787858032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970533058780545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306409743991147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749765924016553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077723635919948,0.0,0.34061205053621524,0.0,0.0,0.13101528098192122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27021277695457924,0.09923514646262913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4987325420834781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041889788729656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,SandshrewSqueal,2018/04/15,"Anorexia & BPD in a loved one About a year ago I fell in love with a wonderful woman who I later found out had Borderline Personality Disorder. I did some extensive research on the matter, and we became friends, then lovers. Our relationship was wonderful. She has been hospitalized for Anorexia over the past 2 months. We started taking a break recently because she's stopped feeling anything for me. I want to think it's the illness, but she's adamant it's not. I still love her more than anything. She means the world to me. I wonder if it's all my fault. Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest. ",3.333628724216961,5.625978008403367,4.296317799847213,83.5284950343774,75.63865546218487,7.35248281130634,28.46524064171124,8.296473431620573,2.13052268907563,489,21,93,9,11,158,85,119,0.107,0.7040000000000001,0.188,0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,9,0,5,6,1,0,1,22,20,4,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,5,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,1,18,5,15,15,3,19,0,0,0,4,17,7,0,5,10,63,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078196031723111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207848596430944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613862233768485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681355636119747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002483871580026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201839330175776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803028024307348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413497990879334,0.12270185755531113,0.0,0.0829754880531177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4300164610847148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299860639590636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267664593767061,0.0,0.0,0.11776102089893105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076187175618473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160909024557895,0.0,0.13867314675075734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568129309665693,0.17051035218136887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777829728111109,0.11241170744232593,0.0,0.12683170665774515,0.13277838016144844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941084993324955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176371767201932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367456258274644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166917847956967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022731387868062 bpd,JillyBoel69,2018/04/15,"I wish I had a friend group I keep looking through my Instagram feed and seeing friend cliques at my school and wishing that I had one. I had an opportunity a few years back to make friends, when I went to a new school. However, I messed this up. I can’t talk to people. Whenever I get close to people my fear of abandonment gets in the way and I can’t function. I technically have a few friends but they’re all a year above me. I’m so scared for when they graduate and I’m all alone. I really don’t know what to do. Sometimes, I think about suicide and it sounds so so horrible but a big thing keeping me from it is that if I fail, my boyfriend will break up with me. He’s never told me that he would but I know that he’d give me space and I can’t live with that. I can’t live with who I am, I despise myself and wonder why anyone tolerates me, but at the same time, all I want is a friend group. 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I’m close to 200 lbs and I’m constantly comparing myself to my friends. I’m not obese or anything but I am about 30-50 pounds heavier than my friends. When I go out with them, they get all of the attention and the compliments and I am just like a piece of furniture in the background because I’m not a size 6. When I stand alone in the mirror I sometimes like what I see, but when someone else is standing beside me in that same mirror I start to become more and more hideous. The problem I have with my looks accompanied by BPD causes me to make impulsive, unhealthy decisions in order to lose weight. It is so painful and frustrating being a big girl in a small world. Anybody with me?",3.632362355953905,5.136775795774646,4.3191933418694015,87.08861075544176,72.73239436619718,7.698847631241997,29.106274007682448,8.296473431620573,1.9623436619718309,561,23,115,9,11,179,88,142,0.155,0.7390000000000001,0.105,-0.8659,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,1,0,9,0,6,3,0,2,1,23,16,12,0,1,6,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,10,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,3,17,5,19,15,5,22,0,1,2,0,6,13,0,1,7,74,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284590102626808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815222429740452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446625972817244,0.2436182424131475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778184473928143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266010374205704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837347318702076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184270039373315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408460646896457,0.0,0.11524629346323904,0.0,0.12536325091751746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155328825524837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18523541875289595,0.2467776246813627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724186214850454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471745324087295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110695695074332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577728199436327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690052535454812,0.0,0.2181637042106528,0.0,0.15613083970423594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686124870383809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,peacetotheholy,2018/04/16,Reconciliation? Anybody have success with getting their FP back in their life after a downward spiral. I’m pretty new to my disorder and finally seeking the help I need. My FP was my girlfriend and decided it was too much for her and left my life. I know I messed up badly and that she probably won’t come back to me but I’m hoping with therapy and treatment I can get well enough to reconnect. I really don’t want to lose them. Any success stories with this?,3.2010164835164825,5.246747934065934,4.92537087912088,80.01025412087913,75.15384615384616,8.066483516483517,28.957417582417587,8.841846274778883,2.528987912087913,366,16,69,8,8,124,65,91,0.092,0.7070000000000001,0.201,0.8952,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,3,4,7,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,15,15,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,0,15,4,11,12,2,10,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,5,49,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432873476465616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32639497609581497,0.17720939432962732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282375877408175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432424896398339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192980065669536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324957376225049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177060160793916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225827992545714,0.0,0.0,0.21079966295247016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664014462230593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305965957761321,0.0,0.29981915603994586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743940323087706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601893619381724,0.15737136992796366,0.0,0.20498023872512092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592177367544568,0.22882785321382626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359647364841602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427120053353524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518313894120958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908269441219345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,i-am-who-i-am-1776,2018/04/16,"Feel like a failure I had to leave work early, I broke down in front of a trusted co-worker and friend. I am quiet borderline, and I know she understands- but I feel like a goddamn mess, a mistake. I also snapped (interrupted, shut her down) at my sister this morning, completely just disregarded what she was saying. I apologized as soon as it happened but I can feel that tension. After that I went quiet- got lost in my head. A loved one reached out, kept reaching out and I pushed them away. Purposely. I am such a goddamn monster sometimes. I am hurt, have been hurting and like a lion with a thorn in its paw I just turned and push people away. I know what to say to ease that hurt- but I’m scared to. I’m afraid that showing someone has hurt me and talking through it is going to make that person mad at me. Illogical response to trauma. I feel like I failed. I never should have snapped, I never should have held it all in, I shouldn’t push people away. It makes it look like I don’t care when all I really do is care too much. I care too fucking much. ",1.4433925290875678,3.7783961643192505,2.868687487242294,90.99014696876915,82.66197183098592,5.394488671157379,22.875893039395795,6.7026698264267655,0.6316803021024704,825,29,171,9,23,268,120,213,0.247,0.568,0.185,-0.9585,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,3,11,26,2,3,8,0,18,3,1,2,4,34,43,13,0,4,5,1,4,5,1,3,0,4,0,1,14,9,0,3,7,1,0,6,4,15,0,1,8,9,30,11,25,32,4,26,0,7,1,2,12,14,1,0,11,119,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814327056154259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106672812502429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371313469273463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155640664499494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22292312687179144,0.23622457877786965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515606221464221,0.10189704905189004,0.0,0.0,0.06264083350519152,0.0,0.08815337921471683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746759819185208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311800149896667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4719731738822918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211485763157254,0.0,0.0,0.11670756384443436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692407725559701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925574356156332,0.0,0.12031866389905554,0.0,0.09947827806095892,0.0,0.14714604007688545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16204945612319052,0.0,0.1700176436918102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468824344428189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282599260185026,0.09624026357453098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061005585828435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530348438182228,0.11034991924259817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338944710735107,0.0,0.10901086380830097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885910392355652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988822146814312,0.0,0.11474339708591573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217548054917353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048363071316282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,boredoftheworld,2018/04/16,"Apparently I'm Now Evil Incarnate I've been under psychiatric care for what must be most of a decade and that's always been a situation where we're just juggling meds to see what helps. Last year my psychiatrist recommended group therapy and while it helped a lot the horror stories from the other members just overwhelmed me. My life has always been sort of ""if you're hurting, so am I"". I hate to see people in pain, I ""feel"" obligated to ""fix it"". Anyhow, after I got out of group I was connected with a brilliant therapist. The amount of testing he put me through was staggering. I know I've had major depression, social anxiety disorder, various OCD issues, agoraphobia and that sort of stuff but after the tests were analyzed my therapist told me I had PTSD... and borderline personality disorder. Well I knew what PTSD was and we've been working on that for some months. I'd suppressed some rather unpleasant events including being molested in 7th grade by a female classmate EVERY DAY, then in my early 20s I was raped over a period of six months to a year (I really can't remember) by a woman I thought was a friend, it was NOT consensual in any realistic meaning of the word. Other women had made the attempt before and after that but I'd always managed to ""escape"". It's not that I'm James Dean reborn, I am however incredibly naive and trusting and totally clueless about the intentions of other people. I've always been that way. Oh yeah... I'm a man, so that's stigma number one. I had no idea what BPD was, I'd never even heard of it and assumed it was some sort of ""it could go either way"" minor kind of thing. I offhandedly said ""oh yeah, my therapist says I have bpd"" to my psychiatrist last Friday and you'd have thought I'd admitted to being a serial squirrel rapist. Suddenly I was being told to seriously consider hospitalization and being evaluated for ECT and rTMS. I convinced him to delay anything rash because honestly, if I were separated from my wife and kids (who are the greatest people in the world) whatever was finally discharged from the hospital wouldn't be me, because I'd be dead. I've never been violent, I've lived my entire life with the intended goal of being kind and helpful to everyone. And now it seems the townspeople are coming with pitchforks and torches. WHY?!",5.042322073950516,6.76035597477064,6.47786488740617,72.15176118988046,69.52752293577981,10.055490686683347,31.102029469001952,10.300263719432786,3.5921859327217134,1839,78,316,52,33,625,229,436,0.14300000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.102,-0.9684,2,0,0,0,0,1,58.0,0,1,0,3,11,19,6,1,23,2,42,6,1,3,4,63,65,24,1,6,10,1,1,0,1,2,3,3,0,5,25,21,0,2,11,0,0,3,7,11,1,2,31,6,32,8,47,22,11,38,0,3,2,2,23,11,0,13,22,216,57,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31367740999050897,0.0,0.0,0.06408980130484275,0.0,0.07209713273629037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755556790465443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490169982886675,0.0,0.0801955153707466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373964436415637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608901288085724,0.0,0.0,0.08118368385021515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524692791208136,0.0,0.0,0.060780199386473666,0.0,0.08117304177933221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21602576722275565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062247904036696076,0.0,0.07940543947242801,0.09005509343255193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765308107208012,0.0,0.0,0.1032407417188702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281341857055988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356157989228865,0.0,0.07537630008056892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304738162545932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895112205325852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089117371745343,0.10639108283831784,0.0,0.09836724757717594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962832359858004,0.05179456263647873,0.15364443432118574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331359979654676,0.0,0.0,0.08322002205237271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012369064407124,0.0,0.08917685531843858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026603850226995,0.10468489917654912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504508481160226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537503887049716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386282069385403,0.0,0.1002832770517986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960127560806781,0.08229105964681879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203346183934212,0.09474221056534274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603757315543865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676116223829764,0.0,0.08964853423308694,0.07494737105737402,0.0,0.0,0.15020205465132627,0.08579706758311753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593527830672464,0.0,0.0960708632367927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788792574824847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777731975276716,0.32827697060410643,0.06261216047748934,0.0,0.0,0.14963993426403854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011018686510386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961451732611916,0.0,0.0,0.08473753305138834,0.0,0.08504141316529279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068611449807219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213813223593916 bpd,emptypure,2018/04/16,"My ex is over me and it makes me want to relapse. Please help. My ex left me because my untreated BPD (I was undiagnosed and was in denial about my behavior). They are happy. They are over me. They’re living their best life. Which is good! Good for them! But... They have completely cut me out of their life. Ghosted me. No contact. I am ignored and forgotten. I want more than anything to just be on good terms. Just be friends. I want to know they don’t hate me. But... That’s not going to happen. Maybe I don’t deserve it. They don’t owe me anything. I just need to suck it up and deal with it. So what if my ex is over me. Who cares. I need to let go, move on, and stop seeking validation from them. I can’t help but think about them every single day. Then I get so anxious. I can’t get them out of my head, no matter how hard I try. The anxiety is unbearable. I feel nauseous, my heart is racing, I’m so restless and uncomfortable. Alcohol is the only thing that numbs this. I don’t have access to benzo’s. I know I just need to keep busy. Focus on my goals. Hang out with my friends. Live MY best life. I need some words of encouragement... I have a drinking problem and don’t want to relapse... I abuse alcohol. I binge drink. I get black out drunk. I blow all my money on it. I drink every single day. I can’t go back to that...",-0.9916632408359014,1.1123744208633113,1.2957451181911637,97.56199040767387,97.9568345323741,4.374237752655018,17.050702295306614,6.18269132825596,-0.3442664611168205,1011,29,235,12,42,337,136,278,0.154,0.721,0.125,-0.9093,1,0,5,0,1,0,60.0,0,0,11,3,11,17,3,1,3,0,25,12,2,2,1,44,51,16,1,10,9,3,2,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,13,13,6,3,4,4,2,5,11,7,0,0,2,3,54,10,33,46,8,25,0,0,1,0,22,14,1,2,6,159,67,1,0.0,0.12516009278571658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22578318268822425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081041571291186,0.11933737859611215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385705770436055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122672402781185,0.0,0.06439405963100919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171463820673107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304346907671974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770182920793014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075619156276756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625155378924791,0.10890495204251986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31044598350884706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800393247548535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053412183609592254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322653622543926,0.0,0.16556963899776933,0.0,0.18010425823040407,0.2658046477995708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341260054374242,0.11245032415691666,0.09462812902494334,0.10429260228217796,0.10841189158606722,0.0,0.0,0.1251778749460038,0.14160970468839856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389316012658087,0.0,0.0,0.11610836601870828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477263694991617,0.10801885071924487,0.223839179179882,0.0,0.0,0.18655511869766364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051212155777051,0.0,0.10612446368256732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122731900160245,0.0,0.3133077840331696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034010785230128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595540774417233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107834093570366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831551335564804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017913923673468,0.06768658388704339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171916867720485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492248232822781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Thepinksheep22,2018/04/16,"In loooooveeee Fallen high key obsessively in love with possibly the most amazing guy ever and trying not to fuck it up by be weird and clingy and stalkerish is after only a few dates. (Gotta hide my crazy this early on) I end up constantly feeling like he doesn’t like me back because he’s not messaging me non stop, even though I logically know he is at work and busy and it’s really early on in us knowing each other. How do I distract myself from messaging him non stop? And stop feeling so shitty when he doesn’t message me? ",4.892560646900272,5.653782433962263,6.011940700808626,78.93103773584906,69.0,9.076010781671158,29.293800539083556,9.23628265651192,2.4538668463611866,422,15,81,8,7,141,77,106,0.187,0.6559999999999999,0.157,-0.1556,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,7,8,1,2,2,0,6,2,0,1,1,21,13,10,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,3,5,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,2,10,4,13,11,3,22,0,0,0,2,11,9,1,1,14,53,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833350066935656,0.0,0.12552195112778378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22251755579449967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18237677915080214,0.0,0.0,0.1360028333773729,0.1862590548826232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20823043426952767,0.14710346511017058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036218514072306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20388510259621764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21755717239584335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263275328258524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011962555132708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584348184683114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660523888730313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213466941102154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319124022840601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5164545742934263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230734485265464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980062815126945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24768659947575225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990627749345933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Ultimatium101st,2018/04/16,"Fuck Bpd. My life has been ruined since i started showing signs of bpd. At the Age of 8. I had my first suicide attempt at 9. I hate this shitty World, all i ever wanted was to be loved and be everyones friend, instead i got more shit and even more shit. Today was a happy day and now im here contemplating suicide, its just like every other day. Starts the same and ends the same. I just cant take it anymore. Everyone that I knew or cared about dont talk to me no more. I just kept pushing them away without realising. I cant find anyone that cares about my living. Even if i end my life no one will ever know or care. My coping abilities are worse than any other. And whenever i see someone have it all good for themselves i just want to Kill myself. Now that I found out that I wasnt getting fired, i should be happy but i am not. Bpd has destroyed my life and i can admit that. I cant trust anyone anymore, the paranoia and panic attacks are weakening me and pushing me to suicide I also have overwhelming jealousy sometimes gets depressing real fast The World hates me for being ill. This is where we live.",1.916569696969696,4.067774048888893,3.397747474747476,88.9183181818182,79.62222222222222,5.690909090909091,23.11616161616161,6.7829847944221076,0.7373555555555562,871,29,175,9,22,286,135,225,0.253,0.633,0.113,-0.9906,0,0,0,0,0,6,23.0,1,0,1,2,18,22,8,2,6,0,24,8,2,0,4,37,45,13,4,4,10,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,12,10,0,1,5,1,0,2,9,12,0,2,9,2,32,10,16,30,7,23,0,3,1,2,6,7,3,3,15,128,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836617341627944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666396264722969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943684419699389,0.13704007831076634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148290089633604,0.0920690669562501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37026196074967616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997357986498331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639670280020918,0.0,0.08440252698031236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484883468402615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358809726661698,0.0,0.0,0.1294488979286433,0.17728328730390747,0.08256460027301323,0.1872759055603311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956520587540501,0.08335407926661051,0.0,0.10744592106673914,0.07571031454183133,0.09059434447729207,0.10239617272186262,0.0,0.0,0.08219314480333377,0.07837516078948001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086339539912184,0.0,0.19349857947764731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058508856262704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841640507731393,0.0,0.05385521935032307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076492591754574,0.047875167187317824,0.0,0.17306189352056486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844387030357477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640361539370428,0.0,0.0,0.11497544217602962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153920493245872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780889362546641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011799104708981,0.08106207046462051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303042944333706,0.0,0.09691907508123472,0.0,0.13872203564328894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215702629716955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367967517589079,0.07876427434145823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288733630331053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155994006775526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944632097017522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986477654224772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,littlesquiz,2018/04/16,"How can I get past my rage and hate for this woman? Its consuming me. I had a brief relationship with a man at work. I really fell head over heels and loved this guy. Real, selfless, overprotective love. I wanted it to progress into something but it never did. Another employee happened to take interest in him too. She was fun to be around, but I noticed that she was very 2 faced and showed a lack of genuine concern for others. He liked her and I think over time it started to become more. On the surface she was likeable and kind. But you cant hide your true colours from a BPD ;) I work at a different office now, I dont see these people anymore. But I think about this woman everyday. He's in love with her but shes gone overseas indefinitely. Whenever I think about her I just feel blind rage, sadness and anger. She only played him because it gave her an ego boost and he fell for her. My hatred for this woman runs deep, so much so that I did a real analysis of why. I came to the conclusion it was because her presence quite literally could lead to my deepest fear, abandonment from him. I hate myself and can barely get through the next day without comparing myself to her and thinking how shitty I am in comparison (even though I know her M.O is a complete farce and shes very fake). Im mad at him for not seeing through it. I sound like an ass but its taking over my life :( Tell me how I can get over it. She doesnt deserve this, even though she hated me too. And I want some mental peace.",1.9259357696567,4.1446012225913655,3.337617940199337,89.00399058693245,79.96345514950168,6.272469545957918,23.322369878183828,7.42949916751922,0.9899819712070874,1172,40,242,17,30,383,170,301,0.207,0.6459999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.9809,3,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,2,0,6,16,21,7,1,12,0,19,9,4,4,2,47,45,24,0,4,9,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,5,18,16,0,1,7,2,0,7,6,11,0,0,10,6,50,10,36,33,4,30,0,2,4,4,36,15,1,2,10,169,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160973842404763,0.0,0.0,0.10980241775834806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856241510115077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498522282658246,0.12227923496658873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944533410263804,0.0,0.0,0.1266317955606958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608562407148182,0.0,0.0,0.08839924340854957,0.0,0.0,0.0714038936747397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567665277015605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976056809659733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625627313426692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458843223569165,0.05598230292909824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353661767480993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962813977036442,0.0979074837916846,0.0,0.0,0.32793304783609195,0.11362851966976725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959434408003773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529566745369207,0.06084766882564423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820333545271503,0.10818235829797204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29978171446392204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157761400746123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139040457118242,0.0,0.08539247915646214,0.0,0.1177497553128823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605307646719907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842059610971649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056927748474759,0.07675785938708292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776212778271013,0.0,0.2520424458271265,0.07092872942110562,0.0,0.0,0.11886960229810345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764556820857936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523605772488915,0.0,0.0,0.07836670786479143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649218138433772,0.0,0.09677233504072093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837742692638969,0.21755957248138427,0.0,0.06456050476580408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270774517727426,0.13060858601495004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990569436920166,0.0,0.0,0.10672811603923248,0.0,0.161207916932062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,TalionTheWorstRanger,2018/04/16,"Dating struggles after years of isolation So I was just recently diagnosed with BPD. I've never dated in my life. I've never had female friends. I want to date. I don't know how to. I'm talking to my doctor about it. But dating is apparently something that sets me off. I've spent a lot of years isolated because of the abuse I've been through. I don't know how to start or what to do. I joined no fap because I thought porn was the problem. I hate the loneliness, i never had friends growing up. It gets me super upset when I hear people talking about friends or dating. I got really fucked up when a 14 year old told me she felt sorry for me because I never kissed anyone. I went on a drug bender after that. ",1.101472602739726,3.3887886506849374,3.1632705479452063,88.63613869863016,83.72602739726028,5.56780821917808,22.823630136986303,6.9077264865688965,0.8466589041095891,557,20,112,7,16,188,88,146,0.279,0.687,0.034,-0.9871,1,1,2,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,2,2,6,0,9,7,0,2,4,18,24,8,0,2,4,0,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,0,1,2,7,5,0,0,11,2,19,5,20,13,1,27,0,0,0,3,8,5,1,3,19,74,24,1,0.0,0.1694543203269554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000023234453547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615494611341014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012762794075438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516143892033034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638617256799985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585682236408386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732082393856773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314887494062504,0.13221891070717942,0.07472160925709011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143854889162816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120181314592942,0.0,0.0,0.16119298991233905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719918234367847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101018663713655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158977713555355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412207784051728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500745521271327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915147915260113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685002289316472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162173740479174,0.0,0.14121416853423102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110103138206867,0.0,0.16009824272984874,0.10122969899316188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951468093229342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299067699237981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354123924825504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666093826140638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435640725796023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258019603997298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762989538198952 bpd,midnaas,2018/04/16,"Getting over someone So I met a guy last year I fell for him like crazy it was my first kinda almost relationship we hung out a bit and always texted each other. Then he just ghosted me. He’d reply to my texts once and awhile but it wasn’t the same he always used to send me good morning messages and then those stopped. He’d lead me on saying we could hang out, then nothing I told him if he didn’t want anything to do with me to be upfront. Well after awhile of being strung along and ignored, I was feeling very suicidal. I was already dealing with some other issues before. I got admitted to the hospital and then guess who shows, I ignored him the whole time and then sent him a long text message after just lashing out on him. He apologized for everything and told me he will delete me off everything. The next day I was a mess he ignored my calls I called him and texted him like crazy and nothing. I got admitted again and I called him from the hospital, and he answered, he said we could possibly hang out and I thought everything would be normal. He never spoke to me again I wrote him a letter apologizing and sent him a gift and that was it. It’s been a year and I still can’t get over him. 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When I was younger, I did this a lot. The more confident I get, the less I do it. I also have problems saying no. I think this stuff originated in being abused and it being necessary for my safety to be very saccharine. I’ve seen some threads and wondered why people were being so kind, ingratiating and forgiving to people that I view as assholes. Then I realised that I used to feel the pressure to do that. 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While I did learn a lot about what's actually important in life, I tripped way too often and now have a condition called HPPD. It's left me with intense visual snow, very poor peripheral vision, decline in linguistic skills, difficulty with looking at peoples faces, short attention span, poor memory, the list goes on. It's essentially taken my BPD to an extreme level and my mood can now spiral downwards from the simplest of things like an awkward goodbye (this happened on Wednesday). I know it will get easier with time and the sooner I get my anxiety under control the better. I recently started a new job in sales and with all this going on I've found it extremely difficult to connect with my co workers. Please be really really careful if you're going to fuck around with drugs guys. The damage I've done just isn't worth it.",7.589508196721313,7.387022076502737,8.054103825136615,69.91295901639346,63.20765027322405,11.03584699453552,35.78633879781421,10.577609850970193,3.873721748633881,772,32,133,17,10,256,125,183,0.125,0.765,0.11,-0.5733,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,7,9,1,1,12,0,11,5,2,1,1,26,26,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,11,12,0,1,5,0,4,3,2,4,0,0,5,1,14,4,24,18,3,30,0,1,1,1,2,15,1,5,12,86,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.16227283614214727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720965748172086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803133379328912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706798300939755,0.0,0.0,0.2094335734090928,0.0,0.16979836331993198,0.0,0.1695414221400484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865058277272917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017008056146127,0.0,0.0,0.19284097269860348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266130700677756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232591178156707,0.0,0.1537303258707776,0.2606354252786391,0.0,0.18901029690597496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465099535994118,0.14704768951890965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651612353902547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356118609434773,0.16501491234526633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138738701997662,0.13554669320526747,0.0,0.0,0.18067210403348927,0.0,0.11745394065546047,0.0812397848374422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963981166627198,0.0,0.0,0.14137188063060407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16060172480476725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528297366218823,0.0,0.0,0.1825339910970485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21305635438608453,0.0,0.16418907121702264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23539862082942556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047417818493643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696371198942337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372047914268312,0.0,0.13199145916775526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812603160366522,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,dionvsia,2018/04/16,"does anyone here have issues with their sexuality? I've identified as a lesbian for years, but I also have a problem with becoming obsessed with certain guys and getting extremely drunk and hooking up with them. It always makes me feel disgusting afterwards and I certainly don't enjoy the process, does anyone else have issues with this sorta thing? ",8.35516393442623,9.92326349180328,7.960778688524588,65.14969262295085,61.622950819672134,10.69016393442623,38.200819672131146,10.686352973137794,4.7277508196721305,287,14,40,7,4,91,47,61,0.246,0.6729999999999999,0.081,-0.9151,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,2,6,1,1,3,0,4,2,0,1,2,15,7,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,3,8,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917020694926472,0.1994642376077613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352322241901243,0.24561899867123899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647492436403845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195569555116703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025328590514527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120841581790537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252425463894723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373581016747183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5004057651240864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001335224276525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22937735831714864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592577145417656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543702680085921 bpd,ninjadottoes,2018/04/16,introversion Are all BPD sufferers introverts? Or is that just an eventual symptom of it?,5.242000000000001,8.869500200000003,7.001666666666669,58.2225,80.33333333333334,13.66666666666667,40.833333333333336,11.20814326018867,7.682333333333334,73,5,10,4,2,25,15,15,0.212,0.7879999999999999,0.0,-0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7712757888453627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6365011056871489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Grimcicle,2018/04/16,"I feel like I’m at the end of the line Depression has returned in full swing lately. Been very borderline in general for the past few weeks after months of doing pretty well. I’m 33, the year Christ lived to be, and I just have this unshakable sense that my life as I know it is coming to an end. I’m not saying I plan to kill myself or anything, I just feel like I’m not meant to go much farther. That I’m living on borrowed time.",0.9340458937198052,2.8429380326086964,2.7618840579710167,93.46814009661837,81.71739130434783,5.828019323671497,18.917874396135264,6.937597516519254,0.10198164251207764,337,8,76,4,9,112,65,92,0.08900000000000001,0.8029999999999999,0.109,-0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,0,12,17,3,1,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,2,1,0,2,3,7,3,13,14,3,18,1,1,0,0,1,6,0,1,12,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17271726354464886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079712518282726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077342515185574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717911777191164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122480689551377,0.2998834105664856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928233858718212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322063756817219,0.0,0.11534716805971122,0.0,0.23675913669339704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824780392396225,0.2050781715146498,0.0,0.3706641539568568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675280027380956,0.0,0.1542894387855897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035874008522372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135282427550216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669087750709152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238548389716633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317689728724636,0.0,0.0,0.1683568840911009,0.0,0.18871159381042568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515889580693044 bpd,comrade_toastboy,2018/04/17,"Does anyone else feel like everyone around them hates them? I feel like everyone whether it’s my parents, friends, boyfriend whatever all hate me and everything I do is wrong. If I deviate then they’ll leave me, so I live in fear and anxiety. Like I want a new tattoo but I know none of them are tattoo people, so I feel like if I do it they’ll hate me. So I feel trapped. Does anyone else feel like this?",1.6895481927710847,3.7333487228915696,2.8152861445783164,93.3573870481928,79.8433734939759,7.041566265060243,23.62801204819277,8.07648339933343,1.1801819277108438,316,11,71,6,8,101,49,83,0.235,0.602,0.16399999999999998,-0.8181,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,0,4,11,3,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,15,16,10,0,3,4,1,5,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,18,6,3,14,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,7,41,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277893126866462,0.0,0.0,0.18788411922341616,0.2753190528826414,0.0,0.11960178639530912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351447246481337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22446775416521286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25675823453762675,0.12074693686200012,0.0,0.0,0.15118338003677492,0.3396621029411709,0.3839244535759248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380004112054153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979344286460878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383635924574908,0.0,0.0,0.14225939540975532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281880647814956,0.0,0.1186352993812228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975802279563586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14918202410004516,0.0,0.0,0.09314277752988913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924430519444035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689284823367035,0.0,0.0 bpd,dracaenadraco,2018/04/17,"So tired. Does anyone relate? I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm so tired. I've been diagnosed with BPD almost a year ago, but due to waiting lists I've only been in therapy for a few months. I know it's impossible to immediately be better, but nothing seems to help, and I feel like my therapist and GP are getting fed up with me. Last week I self harmed and cut to bone, went to my GP and got stitched up. We've been discussing it during therapy, and I really do think I wanted to die in that moment. That's the strange thing; I can feel completely fine one moment, and terribly suicidal the next. When I'm self harming, I'm not thinking straight, and I couldn't care less if something happened to me; at that moment I can't see that what I'm doing is extremely dangerous. I just makes me calm, and I don't react at all if something bad or 'scary' happens. It only hits me hours or days later, and I'm getting to the point where I'm terrified of what I'm capable of doing to myself. My therapist wants me to sign some sort of contract, and my GP told me that the next time I call she'll send me straight to the hospital, which only makes me more anxious. Because I know I can't make any promises, and I know that I just won't call my GP anymore the next time something like this happens. I'm just so tired. ",6.043998957247133,4.769067383211683,6.900521376433788,80.44810218978104,66.77372262773721,10.164337851929094,33.440041710114706,9.23628265651192,2.6766129301355583,1029,38,222,16,14,345,138,274,0.232,0.703,0.064,-0.9947,0,0,3,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,1,8,13,2,0,8,0,18,6,1,4,1,46,53,22,2,5,10,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,15,14,1,1,9,0,0,2,7,6,0,1,7,3,31,7,24,41,5,30,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,8,20,128,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675523998008719,0.0,0.09800197876214496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06655448823286443,0.0,0.0,0.11056446515318996,0.19412011844493485,0.06843249851615166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171678750524458,0.059660224197157816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655745318721521,0.0,0.0,0.12326297236993032,0.0,0.19987101996757006,0.0,0.0997842862184586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261411157677798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311760970543923,0.0,0.0,0.09933529153396274,0.10157289427085467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856460944494706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897132956883872,0.0699178560387194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022653522126302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827502932779441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596365281151887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559973682832365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963815580355695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514565745769654,0.0797765517124625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562800453388967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598557715693607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811835110031527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122553708039046,0.0,0.0,0.09390824440145852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631877868008731,0.22330206577862627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925181339849582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269758734582577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798917047109326,0.08909654591866235,0.2041980738125307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260337334886712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070531424816531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238441753044785,0.22726762898691735,0.06502002210792324,0.12542140666329818,0.0,0.0,0.1141367657275456,0.33745913091494,0.0,0.09351832170079452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154517118327295,0.0,0.07850485869006907,0.0,0.0,0.09072583272261957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302462814818577 bpd,iminye,2018/04/17,"can't stop obsessing after telling a guy i'm seeing how many people i have slept with i am currently at work totally unable to concentrate. i keep thinking of how alone i am. i am recently divorced and my husband has our kid during the weekdays. i digress, i have been sleeping around with men from tinder, and i have been seeing a 21 yr old (i am 30). i really like him. last night i made the mistake of telling him i have had 21 sexual partners, i'm his third, lol. today he hasn't replied since 10:30 am. so of course i am freaking out and thinking this oversharing has pushed him away. i can't stop obsessing over him and this. damn it.",1.8238640429338133,4.053232519379846,3.3730232558139552,88.55377459749556,80.3953488372093,6.759928443649375,25.426952892069174,7.882392219407189,1.5594097793679187,501,20,102,9,13,165,80,129,0.084,0.8059999999999999,0.109,0.2769,1,1,0,0,1,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,5,6,1,2,4,1,18,2,2,3,1,18,27,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,8,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,2,21,1,13,22,1,15,0,0,2,0,15,5,1,0,10,68,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099268089968924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804380157660601,0.0,0.0,0.1904349223824168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069601573772625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801611265864872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522026613475085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990246132470791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179118116276564,0.0,0.20549692049795654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021182847255036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269017041625435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405204593256136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298490827808728,0.0,0.2001329682149697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32303706350470285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676681387943626,0.0,0.20283744034660686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389176029386434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35432183957497576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259752492970535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212742416121084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756150520027944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,inkblottings,2018/04/17,What Do You Wish People Knew About Having Borderline Personality Disorder? I'm looking to write an article to bring awareness to borderline personality disorder and the stigma that's been developed around the disorder. Is there anything you wish people knew or understood better about having BPD? Thank you.,8.935200000000002,11.937050720000002,8.873000000000003,53.71150000000003,61.8,13.0,38.5,12.161744961471696,6.4298,256,13,31,10,4,83,36,50,0.134,0.68,0.185,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,14,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,2,6,10,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699720468810713,0.16983629222679456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687310402436003,0.0,0.0,0.2402830580806469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6559575768229455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020870212359506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264528222531666,0.3331667005844333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564629267459872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4387794181231979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,DanaDeepwaterDungeon,2018/04/17,"Hitting to calm down your emotions Lately when I have an episode—I get worked up, delusional what if thoughts that cause me to spiral—I punch my thighs to calm myself down. I usually hit with full force, and at the time, it leaves no mark. However, the hitting calms me down enough, snaps me out of the emotional whirlwind, so I can collect myself and come back down to earth and realize those were just feelings, not facts. Then a few days later, a HUGE bruise appears where I hit myself and it honestly gives me a sick satisfaction. I’m like oddly proud of how hard I hit myself. Idk. I know it’s not healthy, but it works, and I’d rather have a bruise than cry all night or let myself get so worked up that I say things I regret to the people I love. Just wanted to know if anyone else experiences this/does this, and what are your thoughts on it? 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Friends going away without me. I always do my best to make sure my best friend feels included (He did some things that others don't like him for but I stuck by him). We are going camping with a bunch of my friends who I've explained things too and who understand so don't hate him. I have real issues about feeling included as my rough family life has made me highly sensitive to abandonment (like many others here I assume). He has just told me he is going away with his boyfriend, brother and other friend who he rarely sees to my favourite place. I'm really hurt that I didn't get asked. I know his boyfriend isn't a huge fan of me but he invited me to their joint birthday party at his house and I've been making every effort to be talkative and get along whenever I see him. I thought this might have made a difference. Now I'm sat at his house and can't go home as I don't have my car as my best friend is meant to be taking me to my hospital appointment tomorrow and all I want to do is cry and hurt myself. Sorry if this isn't allowed, new poster. ",4.030739064856712,4.779215452488688,4.946045248868781,85.8435625942685,70.94570135746606,8.608265460030166,26.498039215686283,8.841846274778883,1.7642956862745105,849,26,180,15,15,277,121,221,0.127,0.7020000000000001,0.171,0.8687,1,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,1,0,1,4,6,16,1,0,3,0,23,1,0,5,2,37,52,14,0,2,5,1,4,2,5,1,1,0,1,0,12,11,0,1,9,0,0,5,8,5,0,0,10,6,35,11,24,39,6,16,0,4,2,0,27,8,0,4,5,118,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920925355524317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346851018449746,0.0,0.2079702850392153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484475837248689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157402269245332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563441763846127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325055646043877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433688490321606,0.0,0.16788558906857454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275457603788725,0.0,0.11564883805116513,0.0,0.2516022661943938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927110499493813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693684185951105,0.11101854376845613,0.0,0.0,0.2554139208069769,0.23696507830212624,0.0,0.0,0.11551854173968118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060825452507617825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817478234288071,0.10814285943592558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094514289471046,0.1477561642830278,0.11220960051859427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741132371799826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689300682837684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563441763846127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259752108374993,0.1418056647393166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639125569729852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389438563907505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431222188690677,0.0,0.08321569640326733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470584092099514,0.0,0.0,0.08786556205428678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575708201449102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521916744317805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528044951486563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668914814097036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,poutinethrowawayx,2018/04/17,"SO refuses to accept diagnosis, help? The short version is that my girlfriend of two years was diagnosed ten years + ago and in the last year or so has absolutely rejected the very existence of BPD. I on the other hand after reading into it, believe with every bone in my body that it not only exists, but that she has it. Advice on how to help her accept it? Resources I can direct her towards? What worked for you? I'm certainly not looking to force her into any kind of treatment she doesnt want, but if I can help her (and ultimately us) accept the situation and move in a more productive direction that's what I would like to do. She is currently in therapy however her therapist seems a little out there to me and frankly I don't think is helping the situation as much as she's just collecting a paycheck.",6.480314465408803,6.339689861635223,7.701257861635224,71.31465408805033,65.47798742138365,11.343396226415095,35.27672955974843,10.980518767755715,3.984401257861636,644,28,119,17,9,221,102,159,0.036000000000000004,0.7859999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.9779,2,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,9,0,12,4,3,1,1,25,17,13,0,3,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,1,5,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,1,2,19,6,23,15,3,20,0,1,1,0,17,12,0,3,8,93,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585112981760788,0.14137767018818653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845821519356244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17968986198946016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771566940643429,0.20087123104185373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187831522060678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437664131421234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276093506225239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660835968750939,0.0,0.13000509271075844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779184317215295,0.15985021047374282,0.0,0.0,0.13393087084975866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169511920036525,0.11724301043428488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129882419873644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953249253623178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519309826918195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585453840473209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823899512986591,0.18517940762274665,0.0,0.10219432434197716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579790310488612,0.0,0.19184602954319147,0.0,0.0,0.13159540235181694,0.0940709405097353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611013353807002,0.0,0.0,0.11329664580553332,0.0,0.0,0.3081177031189978 bpd,delicatedew,2018/04/17,"Conflicting feelings over romantic relationships Hello! Long time lurker here and decided to post this cos I really need some insight/advice. I'm 21 and never lived on my own before without having to date whoever I lived with. Usually due to financial reasons I'd move in with them. I think this is really unhealthy as the pattern of moving in with whoever I'm dating is way too quick. (I think it was 4 months after I moved in with my current s/o) I adore them dearly but I think wanting my own space has become this urge and I don't know if I should try finding my own space (and continue dating s/o) or just stay...I'm afraid of living truly on my own. I dont know what to do...",2.5456521739130444,4.378855956521743,4.6283333333333365,82.36250000000003,76.39130434782608,7.7884057971014515,24.54347826086957,8.59863814320734,1.8175826086956528,534,18,104,11,12,184,89,138,0.033,0.887,0.08,0.718,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,9,0,0,2,1,29,19,8,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,9,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,1,1,17,2,19,17,5,26,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,13,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481401357696034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497128522103134,0.13481056406256786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567644275069667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010595990246316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480032702928258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741357773465904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419684494662108,0.1402037995911886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645572264512964,0.505151692914317,0.0,0.11747235878025107,0.12218944475976495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173023589898768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298607444341046,0.1628903759895948,0.0,0.17009238807795146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886317454157493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045428069982402,0.0,0.0,0.09238064415824823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756221637159204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448606572018474,0.0,0.09344494248014253,0.12575277669479476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271894396220595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,caffreycat,2018/04/17,"What if Mental Health Days were real “Hi I’ve been circling the drain of a full blown mental breakdown for the last few days and I’ve cried twice already this morning because I feel so hopeless. I know I was laughing and joking with you guys a few days ago, but now I’m honestly a little afraid that if I come into work today I’ll end up physically hurting someone else or myself so I’m going to take the next few days off just to sleep and hope that when I wake up this little episode has passed. Thanks!” You know things aren’t going well when you half wish you had cancer.. because then you could talk to people about it and have the allowances that you need. And also you might end up dying but then it would just be sad, not a failure.. and then you feel shittier because who the fuck thinks about CANCER like that? ",4.596,5.354124600000002,4.6345454545454565,88.5518181818182,69.66666666666666,6.727272727272728,25.303030303030305,6.11248444174946,0.6853030303030301,649,17,133,3,11,201,104,165,0.151,0.718,0.131,-0.7667,1,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,8,0,1,11,12,1,1,9,0,11,6,2,1,0,30,27,19,1,7,8,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,5,1,0,4,2,5,1,2,4,2,14,7,13,19,4,28,0,3,0,1,12,8,1,5,17,88,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241002060712461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449180468000814,0.11195673439573132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25602532315593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059629476730832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177739501895878,0.0,0.1537817571717977,0.3611497529356091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529632000509954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695076637038973,0.0,0.24799420021064603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157487660062087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942633945544402,0.0,0.0,0.15912872563927286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862050637325368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881183830683356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905008003735053,0.0,0.0,0.14987126905325174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538790073773192,0.1141174470780372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839618604917516,0.2806305130635991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28217108100223137,0.14851626419318395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380709948765324,0.0,0.0,0.1488899724193888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705731903006157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593489205476532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009958587840488,0.0,0.1186202583424869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052614344228956,0.11252547569825964,0.0,0.1288917915934308,0.0,0.0,0.09300876977808276,0.0897053735096199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132702190063505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587544724595148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099134361177678,0.0,0.0,0.10192056128704284,0.0,0.0,0.09945090390110647,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Zaxxxx,2018/04/17,"Two weeks vacations with BPD We lived in different cities and travel together twice a year. I'm covert narcissist ( self diagnosed ) and he has BPD (my opinion). We are kinda friends with benefits or more for the last 6 years. We are going to all inclusive hotel so there will be a lot of drinking. Anyway my question is, how not to piss him off ? How to avoid him exploding or being ""crazy""? Any advice?",2.1899853801169584,4.911141302631581,3.540175438596492,84.721783625731,83.34210526315789,7.588304093567253,24.23391812865497,8.515128840125781,2.126121637426901,313,12,58,8,9,102,63,76,0.028,0.87,0.102,0.6948,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,3,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,3,0,7,3,1,2,1,18,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,1,3,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,7,2,9,6,3,8,0,0,0,0,9,2,1,6,4,41,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111802102666775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387803691735275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5699830234294158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296692539258557,0.0,0.2364142504674916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216680777591737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482322745214451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860003620255495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444825428749406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980922650590727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237501093565287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25348518472529324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360592018275112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210425041831482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150802244072933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914335701284849 bpd,Ooker777,2018/04/17,"I made a prose comparing anger with turbulent flow. Does it seem describing you? [Turbulent flow](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/03/Laminar-turbulent_transition.jpg): *When a smoke begins to smoulder, it first maintains its stability. But with just a little turbulence, the smoke becomes an uncontrollable chaos. Swirling currents will be generated to radiate heat outwardly, which rolls together and causes more and more energy to be lost. And after the energy is completely depleted, it will dissolve into the surroundings and leave not even a single mark behind.* &nbsp; &nbsp; What do you think about it? Does it seem describing you? Do you feel it nebulous without knowing what I'm talking about, or resonating with your experiences? ",9.517968379446641,13.478207721739135,8.393359683794467,53.50711462450593,63.08695652173913,13.225296442687748,40.01976284584981,11.911945987284742,6.978217391304348,628,34,74,26,11,194,81,115,0.122,0.833,0.045,-0.8421,1,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,5,0,2,5,3,1,1,8,0,7,0,0,2,0,20,16,7,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,1,6,0,12,10,3,10,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,3,5,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44872663888882014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286956663992848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272083217717966,0.0,0.0,0.21711191735586485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624216493080107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676964800546995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255695707396404,0.0,0.0,0.10470224219537347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613603921755444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138018092338078,0.0,0.0,0.21926022278881346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20754137069873324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260444497609773,0.0,0.0,0.19593731388847135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770226456565308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664372930084846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268390506779326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961081395219488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ElmoKills22,2018/04/17,"Loneliness that just doesn’t end I’ve been feeling so depressed and alone for months now. I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. I’m getting kicked out of my house, my only “friend” changed his mind about moving into a place with me because he says I smoke too much. Pot is the only thing that helps me. I haven’t smoked in a few days. My internet is out (can only use Reddit on my phone.) I lost my car. People used to tell me “it gets better” but it’s only ever gotten worse. I just want someone to talk to for once. I’m tired of always being tired. I wish I could get high and play a game or something but I’m just here alone with my thoughts and I’d rather be anywhere else but here, alive. ",0.4337499999999999,2.538265448979594,1.8801998299319749,97.94642219387757,84.98639455782312,4.21921768707483,17.350765306122447,5.148860815047168,-0.7529316326530617,539,12,123,2,16,173,98,147,0.147,0.731,0.121,-0.7139,0,2,3,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0,4,0,11,2,0,2,1,25,25,8,0,4,8,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,8,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,2,17,3,17,18,2,14,0,2,0,0,10,7,0,1,5,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849338795930469,0.0,0.0,0.11445793958281122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641898077357875,0.09618262933433153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385310129519792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216574524758102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551642598508152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982758789054976,0.0,0.0,0.0887124946539021,0.0,0.11847712096338632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491071669931616,0.0,0.12183413656831805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244276340185359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955264613346536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627572911698364,0.0,0.21560261598421787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220115162533704,0.14533588309055145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872161050278502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015905385600092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889274545905028,0.0,0.10979620167335263,0.1462006779677413,0.1011197773512212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464930707180688,0.0,0.4184713459849659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953642839358282,0.0,0.1437171547982977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093903659640011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655108661728547,0.1058976328333468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211252386062566,0.12023035177957853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138635620969444,0.0,0.0,0.10920441198291836,0.0,0.3162016800795951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23760911830052625,0.0,0.0,0.08113432540096845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818306498501913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018171770067114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,zbeara,2018/04/17,I’m scared of being seen as crazy I feel like I make no sense sometimes when I’m having a breakdown and I don’t want my girlfriend to think that I’m being insane when my emotions are all over the place. I wish I could make this stop without just being numb. I feel so mad at myself right now.,2.140000000000001,3.4104528412698443,3.1843174603174624,94.67457142857144,76.14285714285714,5.04,20.536507936507935,3.1291,-0.4379625396825397,231,5,52,0,5,74,47,63,0.243,0.629,0.128,-0.8251,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,1,13,18,5,0,3,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,9,1,6,13,1,8,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,5,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172122674784425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31237564867620315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808274008464788,0.1983892695960499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567042131483528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707344371085303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29013788319146244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371546820670881,0.0,0.0,0.2780266133835488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746528633157121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321700255822817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793924663437527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379493080726584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193418328932477,0.2676933410769015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Pompomxe,2018/04/17,"How to know for sure I've been taking personality disorder tests recently because I know there's something wrong with me and indications for BPD were high in each test but I don't know if I can believe it just because they are online tests. I have ADHD and depression besides that, of course that's the only thing I know for sure. I was just wondering if there are strong telltale signs that you have BPD.",7.940822784810128,7.039223303797468,7.646677215189875,75.41659810126583,62.79746835443038,10.937974683544304,34.939873417721515,10.125756701596842,3.259225316455696,327,12,63,6,4,104,55,79,0.11,0.778,0.112,0.0258,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,2,18,15,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,9,3,7,12,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,42,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255586649651629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288198033549916,0.0,0.0,0.21145463122942504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4727606957263646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165121565074506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151011414502312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829754460798046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4125829871964829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274148722431065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387768078543558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18531446099046311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448765249230686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35377828140129564,0.0,0.1411143657311703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468834028938312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035343620525525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052020533689048,0.0,0.0 bpd,RemainsToBe,2018/04/17,"Realizing I was fucked with by people better adjusted than me at a time when I was painfully lacking in self awareness. Since increasing my self awareness, I've been flashing back to conversations i had with old friends, back when i was painfully not self aware. I realize now that certain people i used to hang out with would feign sympathy and lead conversations to topics they knew were sore subjects for me or to psychologically revealing topics. They basically put effort into seeing what kinda stupid shit they could get out of me when applying a tiny bit of false sympathy. When i remember the kinds of shit I said to them when I thought I was safe from judgment, I feel so disappointed in myself. I realize I was saying things that helped that old version of me ease the cognitive dissonance I felt for bad shit I'd done. It's not stuff I believe and not stuff I still say, but I said it. I look back and hate the public image I cultivated then when I was trying so hard to hide my shame and guilt, trying so hard to seem purposeful instead of the clumsy, ignorant fool I was (and still sometimes am). I've since split from these people even though I've been given opportunities to be friends with them. i feel like I made myself look so foolish that I could never recover. I'll ways be a joke to them. But also I feel uneasy about how I was a game to them. I don't think they're bad people for it. I'm sure they just saw me as a douche who deserved to be ridiculed. Maybe I did. The truth is, though, I was hurting so much at that time. I was just so uneducated and struggling to make sense of my mess of a life. The best I can get out of this is to learn from it and not be so harsh in judging others. I know this might be confusingly vague, but it's still hard to be open about my shitty past.",4.41375,5.418933986111113,5.3004444444444445,82.709,70.25,8.426666666666668,27.177777777777766,8.726425361277474,1.8185411111111112,1425,46,293,24,25,466,181,360,0.235,0.67,0.095,-0.995,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,8,5,30,32,7,4,12,0,31,8,3,5,4,60,55,30,0,4,10,0,7,1,2,2,4,4,0,3,19,16,0,2,16,2,0,4,6,20,0,0,24,15,51,12,46,21,6,35,0,2,4,1,23,10,4,5,21,207,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350379077546812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202914914134016,0.15348911534117565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355588208603496,0.09645833243062786,0.08129068286634626,0.10034655304003763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677209551073978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940601874670329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070849382244641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942381623867098,0.06566355700929849,0.08825209198788474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202543972809592,0.08497324102488647,0.09604280173252616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24701133675077,0.09074629065862162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160818284582663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839610330903087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571454496097616,0.05051366683767102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492175146384911,0.04490465871778989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436963795109487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697148368261705,0.0613534741469477,0.0,0.0923402160516833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975064918508928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756754793799509,0.0,0.07088993425388841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289708289675525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560648023762536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774254985992633,0.2548870654264284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239920594660242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041209251704292,0.0,0.17486299565917401,0.14618779807149584,0.0,0.0,0.07324375533627027,0.08367527915932964,0.2876598186925105,0.0,0.28304596363783435,0.15206483122780512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909055413370876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22020851112312387,0.0,0.0,0.09608872854621776,0.21043964692989325,0.0,0.0,0.08662809081169605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061063742087073075,0.05889493866960921,0.1806105636217762,0.07296964584947528,0.10719187411949864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480748172276658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938439893668173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295725166494373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529324450407366,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,FYC4,2018/04/17,"DBT failed. Where do I go from here? Keep in mind.. my first language is Spanish. Sorry if this post has errors. I basically accepted that it is incurable... I'll live like this for the rest of my life no matter what treatment I receive. What's next? hospitalization? I started DBT on January and 4 weeks ago I stopped showing up. My appointment was supposed to be last Thursday, but I decided to just go to college because I had things to do. Plus, I would have done the arrangements to go to therapy and do my college work, but I just didn't want to. DBT is stupid and useless for me. I reached a point where every time I went there, I wasted my time and could have done something more productive. I think every skill is obvious and I have used them before... the difference is that it has a name like ""mindfulness''. Four times I have talked about it with my therapist and he makes me feel guilty because it doesn't work, that I should give it more time, that it's the only treatment for people like us. What the fuck? Almost five months and I don't feel like this shit is going to help me. I told him to please make a few changes to the treatment and he refused. If DBT is the only way to recover, I'm seriously fucked. Talking to my therapist is like talking to a fucking wall and he just repeats the same thing when I tell him my feelings and doesn't come up with solutions. I DON'T CARE IF SCIENCE CONFIRMED THAT DBT IS MOST OF THE TIMES SUCCESSFUL AND THAT IT SHOULD WORK ON ME. I'm not a science experiment. I'm not a number. I'm FYC4. I'm sick of being dehumanized. Every patient is different and they don't understand... they just give me the same excuse of me not putting effort. I am sick of doing that and it does not work. His fucking attitude has ruined my emotional health more. Since I started DBT, everything has been WORSE. That therapist makes me feel like crap and no one seems to care. No one cares when I say those DBT skills are easy, stupid and I have tried them many times. I hate when they tell me to radically accept everything when I feel like my life is falling apart and hug a pillow to forget about being suicidal. Around 10 psychologists have tried to treat me and NOTHING WORKS. WHERE DO I GO? WHAT SHOULD I DO? I'm supposed to live like this forever?",2.336733333333335,4.66840765111111,3.4402222222222214,88.209,79.15555555555557,6.844444444444445,24.88888888888889,7.946510646118237,1.4662888888888883,1793,67,363,32,45,577,205,450,0.202,0.664,0.134,-0.9908,1,1,1,0,0,0,56.0,1,0,5,11,16,29,9,0,17,0,48,12,2,4,1,69,88,27,1,9,13,0,5,8,0,4,5,1,1,0,27,22,0,3,11,1,0,10,13,13,0,5,8,6,56,16,38,72,8,45,0,3,0,5,26,12,6,6,29,241,83,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451528210772424,0.0,0.07287888672091973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478983452328986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873230471319465,0.0,0.061930614752498524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261288344471314,0.0,0.07699183245368367,0.06269372327707885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810909104191664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520796986050916,0.0,0.0,0.06369046925696531,0.14895888698520665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186796219040737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396144691453453,0.0,0.13082035468309605,0.07119302984209776,0.0,0.0,0.183999354078663,0.15598263140326452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190682599810865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691365974797598,0.0,0.13963485580705964,0.2068134081132484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185540885341135,0.0,0.07736198055805542,0.0,0.0,0.048783053665037115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469041199279008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932560085698925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281365686810524,0.2844539507385925,0.0,0.12853255201599298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574410493506862,0.07378772936280872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697456888491275,0.0,0.058092484790358175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740259970344866,0.0,0.0,0.06983459305964472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863553409725144,0.1107052882127723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050456647221431485,0.0,0.0,0.07989083645336696,0.06880084148795881,0.0,0.0697033415081977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316423264065261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057877759650384525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625638746530653,0.0,0.0,0.07470785965976039,0.060204557898702424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602977635791185,0.0,0.08147150827430866,0.10302844201786517,0.0,0.0,0.060847530710751364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796097583190076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549397471938125,0.12722625693143086,0.0,0.08323053524636677,0.2535103678131139,0.09670390099562763,0.04663463230052466,0.0,0.0,0.2546324224841976,0.0,0.0,0.06954462817637869,0.0,0.0988259967659848,0.0,0.0,0.07576678559956672,0.08754565484599429,0.06285875048751244,0.0,0.0,0.04292766500569792,0.05776955850379643,0.0583799100363199,0.0,0.0,0.06746800186249817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264924369272852,0.0,0.07416927160777129,0.051700986840944985,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,theaccountismine,2018/04/18,"BPD makes registering for classes dangerous So i'm in college, and all my plans for registering for classes next semester are collapsing (classes fill up too quickly). like everything, this is a nothing issue, a minor inconvenience, a mark of my privilege but i've worn myself out shouting to myself about it already, tried to cut but none of my blades are sharp and considered hanging myself and had stop myself short of going out and trying to fuck strangers. so yeah. any time plans don't go exactly right i act unpredictably and self destructively. what a life. at least i dont feel dead inside. AMA. ",3.920151515151513,6.896290318181823,4.7195454545454565,77.55265151515152,77.63636363636363,8.03030303030303,29.166666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.984393939393939,485,22,80,12,12,156,80,110,0.174,0.72,0.106,-0.8516,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,4,0,4,1,6,2,0,1,2,14,13,9,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,2,3,9,2,15,11,3,16,0,0,0,1,1,7,1,0,5,51,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686355360287869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554350693661193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065966738434455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853029026067644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21878283433031415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308757394151484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505086368737404,0.0,0.0,0.2766983698470287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540819100713485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194467414461906,0.11892958425659728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624941238024291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25889488204916794,0.0,0.0,0.2335815438034031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789135516350135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539548131626629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20352177248177392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419483566820539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305514914763402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,MrReeRee,2018/04/18,"New Art Subreddit Hi everyone! This morning I created the sub reddit r/Manicart. For all you artists, writers, poets, photographers,song writers to post to... if you want to. I love seeing everyone's creativity, and I think a one stop subreddit would be sick. ",4.057826086956523,7.059048260869568,5.698,70.59700000000002,77.26086956521739,9.76695652173913,35.286956521739135,9.888512548439397,4.716500869565217,204,12,32,7,5,69,38,46,0.112,0.675,0.213,0.5983,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,4,4,1,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,18,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6242216802909643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29479810105389165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3154631872531248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133427284429646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31282313313827353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260283386990844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730789484235264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092925744067197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265599575040904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320299764685306,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,novalentbond,2018/04/18,"A resource that gives more specific and useful information on BPD? I find myself on blogs and wikiHow-esque descriptions of BPD. I'm curious but I want a more formative source. Thank you so much! 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Swedish girl here, just wanna make that clear in case someone wants to roast my grammar! So where do the fun begin? Well, I'm a lonely girl in northern Sweden, with friends and family, and probably boys that wants to fuck me. But still I feel alone. Ironic, isn't it? It's called BPD. And it's slowly killing me. Now I'm back in my bulimia-phase. And I'm having some sort of life crisis, again. A bit suicidal and missing my ex-boyfriend that I BROKE UP WITH?!? But I'm a coward, so I will probably not slit my wrists or contact him in the nearest future. I'm a proud pussy. Meow. So what do I do? Well, lack of sleep, lack of exercise, and lack of self-esteem leads me down the rabbit hole once again with two fingers down my throat and a panicking rage, cause I can't get all the binging out. And I figured that this will probably make me even fatter. And uglier. And more alone then before. It's a merry go round. But I'm not laughing. So. Either you give me good puking expertise. Several years of practice and I'm still a newbie, apparently. Or you can throw me some good old pep talk, cause, I really need it. Thank you.",0.8247689969604863,3.21750200425532,2.345341945288755,93.19625,86.40425531914894,5.399696048632219,19.456686930091188,6.868970318607317,0.2936048632218844,901,26,191,12,28,292,137,235,0.23,0.6629999999999999,0.107,-0.9852,1,4,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,3,0,2,16,16,4,0,11,0,9,7,4,5,2,44,30,21,2,8,9,0,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,12,15,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,7,2,1,0,3,22,9,19,28,9,24,0,3,1,1,13,10,2,5,11,117,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666510284369147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989854664052816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953979554598192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053987947019222,0.0,0.1621309980964713,0.0,0.1314477792270368,0.0,0.0,0.2644824540016716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502498736772082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213552393470318,0.0,0.06508978380698646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945652130733204,0.11900886169018984,0.06725614069714603,0.12348959894331495,0.07316025694700208,0.2159453254663934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424207331179236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092584497728262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185662288268574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090340957435248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350805381907092,0.1370933074776691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41637831650155105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824677696730539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685870450798803,0.145428320805788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288230224914597,0.0,0.10907255801355216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560797671649125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080978663912436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693668429998568,0.0,0.118517339386115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575055870728138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185664365783946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231487558939134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289793495858479 bpd,ElectricLadyLand3,2018/04/18,"I feel hopeless and empty I have been battling with BPD for a long time. Was recently correctly diagnosed after having lived with an incorrect Bipolar diagnosis for years. I have tried to commit suicide 4 times (most recent one was last month) I have attempted to change things in my life that could be exacerbating BPD symptoms, particularly of suicidal thoughts and this is what I’ve found: 1. On Psych meds - suicidal A year off Psych meds - still suicidal 2. Alcohol abuse issues - suicidal 43 days sober - still suicidal 3. Living near family and feeling suffocated: suicidal Moved 6000 miles away and no family near: still suicidal 4. Slightly overweight and hated my body: suicidal Lost a bunch of weight, exercising and eating healthily: Still suicidal I am the common denominator in all of this. I knew this but hoped that I would find something that I could blame for causing it. I am embarrassed to say that I have a degree in Psychology and have books on DBT and CBT. I am due to restart therapy in a month. I just feel deflated. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas for things to try that have helped you or others with strong feelings of helplessness? Thanks in advance. ",5.328792716388129,8.00820135545024,5.797924669493638,73.27405836867051,70.99052132701422,9.939735594911447,31.010476428036924,10.186864033877496,3.805354502369669,950,42,156,29,19,305,133,211,0.231,0.7070000000000001,0.062,-0.9868,0,0,2,0,1,3,26.0,0,1,0,4,5,9,2,1,7,0,19,10,1,1,3,33,30,11,10,4,4,0,5,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,13,11,4,0,9,2,0,2,1,6,0,1,7,6,15,3,28,19,3,32,0,3,0,0,4,12,0,4,18,103,28,3,0.0,0.08437595190272278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610521268772727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0484273920458045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049793898537997684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669071097305037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791017689317628,0.1793809687726562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315553376467789,0.07533408268479165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137158301024536,0.0,0.0,0.045926598060595264,0.0,0.0,0.07227986022923187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623191178119289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286884293446888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426686232299165,0.0,0.14403005734353894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508753977476986,0.0,0.0,0.07808155625519063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030825399783568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773268126368257,0.0,0.0,0.07073073797514243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039099160695272,0.0,0.07432803918720622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058048231583187164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502999622218828,0.0,0.0,0.12576505315787972,0.06302140726947336,0.0,0.0,0.07773757843817428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582035378635256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368333271440295,0.07568832101280151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048255881465160584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062881216882034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056631564571937285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482337113480878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274836920996705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7789564067497987,0.0,0.0,0.07401774217102998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556351162036576,0.08143845683788847,0.0,0.09462172079004676,0.0,0.0,0.056535295903354876,0.08304993468492491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669812465178497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671844616791921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050587786956546525,0.0,0.0,0.09171788280286436 bpd,truecrimelullabies,2018/04/18,"i think i was emotionally abusive in a relationship. its been 6 months and i cannot forgive myself, its hindering my entire life. call out culture in my town terrifies me. hi all, im 23f dx bpd in 2015. currently doing my second round of DBT. From aug-nov i dated a girl and we really liked eachother but our needs/modes of communication were totally 100% oopposite and incompatible. I dont want to deny that she treated me in ways that were bad- but she doesnt have bpd, and thus i feel like my behavior was more watched/criticized (i was open about my bpd). she did tell me she loved me alot and that i was a great partner sometimes, that i made her feel listened to, supported etc and that she told me ""anytime i ask you to make a change you do so right away and work hard at it"". i was **never** violent, insulting, and my consent skills were perfect (confirmed by her.) but, i also was very triggered by alot about our relationship (sheand her friends would talk about her relationships w her exes alot in front of me, her roommate was rude to me because she spent alot of time with me, etc) I definitely acted in ways i am not proud of. * I got convinced she was cheating on me with a male friend of hers whose house she sometimes slept at cause he lives on the other side of town (i 100% know now she wasnt but i was in a storm at the time) * due to this and other jealousy i think i subconciously tried to control her talking to her exes/ that friend * I would get in moods and be super down and frowny without being able to communicate why i was upset * I would pick fights **alot** when i was triggered (never like screaming insult hitting walls fights, just arguments, petty shit) * when we broke up i called her manipulative when we broke up, i was proud that i didnt bombard her with messages/ calls. 2 times in 2 months post breakup i was super anxious (about to go to ER) and i did ring her a few times, but texted to apologize. we maintained civil communication for the first few months post breakup, even laughing over texts etc. we met for coffee once post breakup in jan to exchange things we had of eachothers, but as time went on our talking kinda fizzzled. now, during our relationship, a HUGE problem we had towards the end was that her friends really didnt like me. of course i can understand that friends just want their friends to be happy, so i dont think theyre bad, but it obviously made me really upset at the time, going as far as a friend of hers kicking me out of a group they started for victims of childhood sexual abuse (the unethics of that are not lost on me.) that really traumatized me, made me feel inherently ""bad"", led to first self harm and hospitaliation in years, esp. since my partner at the time told me she understood why they did it and refused to talk to them about it. anyway, now we are 6months post breakup and everyday i live with the fear that she or her friends will call me out for being an ""abuser"". before i met her i had really come to terms with my past mistakes/ behaviour in relationships. i honestly thought i was recovered- had great friends,was in university, had a job, etc. now i am afraid to leave the house, have been in the hospital 4x, vicious anxiety wakes me u everyday, i feel like a disgusting peice of shit abuser and that anywhere i go i will be told to leave because they know im ""bad"". i live in a big city with intense call out culture, esp in the small queer community. ive seen 2 borderlines be called out before. my therapist ad i are aware this is alot paranoia- it has become an obsession much like my hypochondria. but because it involves something outside of my control. i cannot move on. has anyone had a similiar situation? will i ever rid myself of this shame annd move on? thank you.",2.8311686535079126,5.134695459644323,3.930867500488567,85.48009644322846,77.30369357045144,7.022560093804964,26.174731287863985,8.052868069273773,1.6799923627125262,2955,115,583,52,70,957,321,731,0.175,0.677,0.147,-0.9585,3,0,1,0,5,0,108.0,12,3,5,12,20,60,12,6,33,0,63,8,4,13,7,99,104,34,0,7,14,0,6,6,10,6,2,3,0,5,28,37,0,3,13,0,2,10,13,29,1,3,48,10,122,30,95,43,17,97,0,3,2,2,99,48,3,8,39,397,150,2,0.051201041601259635,0.2426594473648463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040945454470100506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039168656681549965,0.0578426032123531,0.0,0.035800958771114715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04786606226461732,0.0,0.04810506401960735,0.0,0.17100292427246142,0.09363503918772394,0.05654752778705236,0.08713663053553379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934577585580646,0.0,0.3136919285671297,0.0,0.0,0.05259757370051147,0.05416391299829375,0.044105163689428885,0.0,0.0,0.11485264373749765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001447886243248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057594280329623035,0.04534892558442272,0.0,0.22841078307805204,0.03381780508910802,0.046314273443291226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761540653830609,0.10355514021105358,0.07315606870078348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710315965993445,0.0,0.0,0.3164623818516641,0.0,0.026750430991598025,0.0,0.08729619561138775,0.0,0.0409501502726917,0.1128986582418886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054504460864040816,0.04586607636524263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815825524883747,0.0,0.0,0.11061182214442336,0.0,0.05080913333892552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056277506882270366,0.0,0.0,0.10842902041789187,0.0,0.0,0.03616480987766151,0.15008545597120254,0.0,0.13563437334143785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589198520994711,0.0,0.04621093906726607,0.14534299065751846,0.03417709285144465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260454875908534,0.1088372085574469,0.03763865684427881,0.0,0.07897879945396652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05452743828411398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048877187727019725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614577831546293,0.0,0.0,0.04899248196069668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640034916368344,0.0,0.0,0.27485378612421435,0.0,0.04372540976973735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341385292236557,0.0,0.10511426684990914,0.04235403070952675,0.05755211599936424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039417063281218134,0.10127827870177906,0.0,0.03624036077568644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058102335249315434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646138311124288,0.04475196713676142,0.04713904002955384,0.0,0.0594483556189991,0.03401569694599587,0.09842268015191984,0.0,0.040647907819554484,0.208990173738948,0.0,0.0,0.14677436826731247,0.0,0.03476214632261525,0.0,0.0,0.053302090008626096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224622152790127,0.06039940181933609,0.08128200722152734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746387852565302,0.09240195246512337,0.0,0.0,0.04935597699018392,0.0,0.03727496808717936,0.0,0.0,0.10911525277165522,0.0,0.0,0.0329717920991221 bpd,pisellipod,2018/04/18,"Anyone BPD and happily married? Many people are advised against having a LTR or marriage with someone who has BPD (especially women). Standard reasons such as dealing with the intense emotions, potentially harmful behavior (to the spouse or to oneself), the lows of empty feelings. Is there anyone who is married to a BPD woman or is a BPD woman who is married? How is your relationship?",7.062537313432834,9.196470776119403,7.600179104477617,64.43997014925375,65.11940298507463,8.345074626865673,43.25074626865672,8.841846274778883,4.728912835820896,310,20,40,5,5,102,45,67,0.052000000000000005,0.8690000000000001,0.079,0.4291,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,2,0,10,9,6,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,8,9,0,1,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,3,0,34,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385866251028327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8595008867298395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588969886947178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19191141020723249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626469884844314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297007057622196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182783357923663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175413780037857,0.0,0.18316950014484285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455588602920644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,analonewolf,2018/04/18,"I've lost so many people in my life and now that I'm realizing why I can't stop re-living the past. How do you deal with all of this regret? I don't understand people who say they have ""no regrets"" I really don't. And I don't know if I'm just in the bargaining stage of my grieving process but all of a sudden I'm having all these guilt/regretful thoughts about my ex like: ""He was ADHD, should I have researched it more? Maybe that contributed to it ending? I should have understood more."" or ""I should have been more in the moment."" or ""Maybe my increase in Wellbutrin made me irritable and that's why things got so bad."" or ""Why did I put him through all of this."" The basic theme is: Fuck, I could have changed things and I didn't. Why do I suck? The thoughts are taking over my day-to-day and (surprise) it's hard to be in the present moment and move on. I know you can't change the past but... do I really know that? Or did I just answer my own question because this is my chance to change things and all that? Am I blaming myself? Do I deserve a closure letter from him? Would that help me move on? I want to write everyone I know a letter offering an explanation but that probably wouldn't help. How the hell do I let go of all of this? ",0.6711003861003881,2.8173155791505806,2.3688513513513527,94.55435810810812,84.32818532818533,5.707722007722008,20.06081081081081,7.021680442328713,0.28001698841698897,961,28,219,13,28,315,127,259,0.123,0.792,0.085,-0.8917,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,1,1,8,10,3,0,12,0,33,2,0,3,6,49,52,19,1,10,10,1,1,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,19,8,0,1,11,0,1,5,8,8,0,0,11,2,34,2,22,33,11,23,1,4,0,1,17,8,3,6,10,153,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938658296216838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683926232335176,0.07070092055353677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680774514202151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260136412487124,0.0,0.0,0.1495962567812808,0.1195712835371094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272471115768617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110824783544527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722253444204846,0.0,0.0,0.06591465592461569,0.0,0.09276057380444434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038961648117711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547919385972345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549604236331329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859839598166973,0.08192078645478465,0.0566624417040481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660692536216722,0.0,0.0,0.1097439946053643,0.0,0.11758649588485345,0.2330369390779875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465388246400481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214339116860036,0.16081319731886962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250470980282468,0.0,0.0,0.11659290527856787,0.12992522573507176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148600753734574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223271952836007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696528110173183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720325264019209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311578013309151,0.0,0.0,0.1841518640680775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074027619560428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840857888063795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186191295630835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238955079541739,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sharpless140,2018/04/18,"has anyone been to CITPD in nyc? My psychiatrist recommended I check it out since I'm on medical leave from school at the moment but it's quite the commitment timewise. Has anyone been through their treatment and how was it? Was it helpful? Anything to keep in mind if I do go there? If it helps I'm mainly dealing with complex trauma issues, but diagnosed bpd.",3.225962732919257,5.824789898550726,4.3296480331262925,81.57782608695653,77.55072463768116,6.8414078674948255,27.248447204968944,7.957251820313856,2.0139838509316768,289,12,51,5,7,94,52,69,0.063,0.762,0.175,0.8583,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,1,12,11,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,10,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,1,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34630462167874315,0.0,0.20378269465691465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118879036945515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553010488242046,0.0,0.25134454608505463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073680814188388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33196934990172666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25846684279205384,0.0,0.22010957085198526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26220995319482066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494664419908155,0.0,0.0,0.2500409897452752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26339054945879703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25062007368874545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484642150515012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AbbyLynn2018,2018/04/18,"Just found out husband (we've been separated for 9 months though...) is dating for the first time since I left him. I am in the best relationship of my life right now. I love my boyfriend more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. My husband deserves to be happy, too. Still, it feels weird and hurts that he's dating. I feel like such a hypocrite. I started dating the month we split up. He has every right to date. It doesn't even anger me; it just hurts and feels weird. And, to top it off, my boyfriend is SO AMAZING that when he heard me up crying at midnight because I saw pictures on FB of my (almost ex) husband and his girlfriend, he held me and said it makes sense that this hurts me and feels weird. God, I feel like I don't deserve him, yet he constantly says how lucky he feels. I hope he never sees the me that I hate more than anything, because no one can love that version of me based on past experiences. Sorry if this is scattered. My life is changing so fast I can't keep my thoughts straight. Edited: typo/spelling error corrected, grammar & punctuation fixed",3.623994528043777,5.242399930232559,3.9414227086183327,89.33032831737347,72.95348837209302,6.361149110807114,27.53077975376197,6.794906146795322,1.138378932968536,855,32,175,7,17,266,131,215,0.113,0.7,0.188,0.9689,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,0,3,14,18,2,0,5,0,13,5,0,2,3,30,35,12,0,2,3,4,6,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,13,8,0,2,9,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,9,11,29,10,19,25,4,31,0,3,2,3,23,13,0,4,20,107,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902301687233648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878681205226478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978132107405556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491421420091893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473822413386615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257401229008682,0.0,0.0,0.1284474805169418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056420879165345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850715970753443,0.10751738773022744,0.10014627182682148,0.0,0.0,0.11626973974694955,0.0,0.0,0.3606008688173442,0.16982992107070702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110386597289524,0.0,0.13032593123750566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653069596182875,0.0,0.11735151187309853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805667991041935,0.0,0.0,0.3817323463669085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564991240304007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914379517823696,0.0,0.16791134122259369,0.11613983453058092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321832498948088,0.0,0.07934123695365973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974885892086507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167361994523557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054389527124298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134671269418417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399892570281394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276131909011683,0.0,0.20301481536279675,0.11306487991040284,0.09452374855533216,0.0,0.0,0.09471754009548627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832378666827124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071129672322812,0.0,0.0,0.133056158515169,0.08413106006669355,0.0,0.0949232617666503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678120696415595,0.18872613302716695,0.0693093260183793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Phoenix1Rising,2018/04/18,"Any other MHPs here? Hi all, I could ramble all day, but I'll just stick to my main points here... +I have a general personality disorder diagnosis (good amount of traits from 3 different PD's--avoidant, dependent, and borderline [hello, disorganized attachment style!] but not enough of any to qualify for the 'full blown' diagnosis of any of them and/or who the hell wants to diagnosis someone with 3 different PDs?) +I've been in therapy for awhile, including a voluntary hospitalization at 13--I believe that this is what has made the difference from 'BPD traits' and 'BPD' in me. +I am in the mental health field now professionally, and I find that several people have a good amount of stigma against BPD clients. Is anyone else in a similar position, where you have a BPD diagnosis or something similar to it like myself and are working in mental health? I can't help but take it personally when people say things against clients with BPD or say a client has ""cluster B traits"" which is usually a way to say ""oh they're just borderline, don't worry about that crisis, it's not really as big as they say it is"" or ""they don't listen to me"" or ""I'm exhausted"" etc etc. I have to constantly remind myself of Marsha Linehan having BPD herself in order to feel like I have a right to belong. I wish more people talked about her own mental health history. Thanks for listening/reading!",7.134453024453022,7.367178610038612,7.773343629343633,70.08539510939514,64.05791505791507,11.84875160875161,34.255083655083645,11.4731,4.118897863577864,1096,44,197,32,15,365,150,259,0.097,0.813,0.09,-0.6126,2,1,1,0,0,0,44.0,0,1,3,1,9,7,1,0,12,0,19,4,0,2,2,27,27,14,0,3,11,0,1,2,0,0,4,5,0,2,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,6,19,5,35,24,11,19,1,0,0,0,18,12,1,5,7,127,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710835464398021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058637039858811024,0.08592474097596599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448178973371163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6337143299479445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062314331277936,0.0,0.06695558952074257,0.0,0.0,0.05408292662611447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26284835191008965,0.09611111707424276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700544819988329,0.0,0.0,0.08665006025268428,0.18705270265465795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042402264440467435,0.059909782636642414,0.0,0.0,0.0766467534405391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067600565798766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674185874472067,0.0,0.0,0.05620976095476109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819397688972117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935060055114039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535342374592619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744144246300873,0.14644707933796464,0.0,0.0,0.07927504661923733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388294836793453,0.0,0.05372302645622029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161619921697708,0.0,0.26675616142306985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473821781657647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105452157904457,0.06455972102632318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305247491577848,0.06740369607111595,0.0,0.07720725544783986,0.09590150961968348,0.0,0.055713026860523165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236022274563066,0.0,0.049462950902676064,0.0665643667216299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643515415111133,0.0,0.0,0.0610512641138351,0.08516415921187022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Badparentthrowaway12,2018/04/18,"Why do I even try to make friends? Such a waste of time. I've made a serious effort to make some girl friends this year and try to get a loose group going because I'm in my early 30s and this is probably one of my last chances to be young and have a long term friend group. I'm sure it can happen at older ages but probably not nearly as easily. Well, once again I've been passively pushed out of the group and all the other girls have essentially paired off and become besties, leaving me with no one. I dunno why it happens. My only guess is that people are drawn to me amongst groups of acquaintances or in a work setting because I know how to navigate that environment well, since having a job is so important. In order to make it bareable I'm gregarious, and funny, quick with witty quips, flirty... I'm the outspoken, pretty, funny girl I guess. Outside of that environment I can't sustain it very well. In order for me to hit all of my marks and perform well socially I need to have a lot of things going on to play off of. When you break off into smaller groups I just can't hang. It's like my humor gets old, or the stuff I talk about isn't interesting, or maybe it's that I don't really seem to have much depth because I'm not great at having deep emotional relationships unless it's with a significant other. I think they end up thinking I'm superficial or something. The real knife in the back was finding out today that my ""closest"" friend and another friend of ours decided to switch the day we normally hang out and do stuff without even mentioning it or inviting me at all. I know I'm not the center of anyone's universe but I literally started that weekly hang out, so it's just kind of like wtf. And I'm cool with friends of mine hanging out without me but this was *our* weekly thing. I dunno. This always seems to happen no matter how much I've learned about making friends or refined my ability to be a good friend and be there for people. I'm not afraid of being abandoned anymore because it's seriously just an inevitability. My mom always criticizes me for caring so much about having a boyfriend but she doesn't know what it's like to get zero fulfillment out of friendships with people. It's a lot of effort for nothing. Sorry for the wall of text. I just needed to vent. TLDR: Really put in a healthy effort to string together a friend group that meets weekly. This week they switched the day and didn't even mention it or invite me despite being in contact with all of them. My closest friend has paired off with another girl I introduced her to and barely hits me up anymore. Why do I waste my time, I always get pushed out and also honestly get nothing out of friendship emotionally.",5.377226421294775,5.932885452513967,6.149221711030783,79.10676388432468,67.84543761638734,8.999211304633588,30.31925731186329,9.007467420416297,2.4319775879066707,2156,78,413,36,34,709,242,537,0.08800000000000001,0.73,0.183,0.9951,1,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,3,1,3,5,28,31,0,1,24,1,30,0,0,7,5,88,69,34,0,3,22,1,0,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,32,31,0,1,10,1,0,9,14,4,4,3,5,1,45,27,82,57,11,70,0,1,0,0,37,33,0,16,27,280,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270589345556779,0.16451999005603776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821870643539305,0.0,0.0,0.1307242901752326,0.04608378495286769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067850073317979,0.0,0.16070545438248346,0.07278922687001806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719669290872826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500926943995699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482732597299592,0.05837413874407996,0.0,0.0,0.13059307717997665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023790613227072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091967104904402,0.0,0.17216872837047587,0.0,0.07491306087598402,0.05527975839487197,0.0,0.07266282337785142,0.1452082280540729,0.0,0.17484432377908166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540263877854015,0.0,0.0,0.0686321148288999,0.10866247499516314,0.053723092581965774,0.0,0.06978611510845645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096596657113977,0.0,0.0,0.058325719923642085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206373909989878,0.0,0.06236290270594514,0.17597403548319854,0.0,0.0662125522716367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718961272660428,0.0,0.0,0.1453479315190295,0.09773857651454304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457497611102092,0.12647930249914024,0.0,0.06915842701298734,0.07018892303921484,0.08932072922366358,0.050125328374717115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370750784262743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670512266849861,0.14211802725130904,0.0,0.0,0.06625485097601318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501672207549286,0.08444356687127891,0.0,0.0,0.07075957297238274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199987184799295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451904390560019,0.0,0.0,0.06718400055169345,0.0,0.05073851455595179,0.0,0.07377761571035861,0.04664939291929121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089574963276597,0.0,0.0,0.06211667284654305,0.0,0.0,0.052973639908308036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757151299232557,0.0844612319948162,0.0,0.0,0.07686193374574223,0.0,0.06247223562349881,0.0,0.0,0.08949320524477351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438026954556875,0.0,0.0,0.21146683836332675,0.0,0.23703363435973954,0.0,0.17841275147902674,0.0,0.0,0.12706420765409587,0.0,0.04798116230452827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04244201911800628 bpd,SwitchbackSeven,2018/04/19,"Better off alone Anyone else feel like the moment they let anyone else be involved in their life, everything goes to shit? I hate people. Everyone tells me it's my disorder, but I honestly feel like it's because everyone else and their shit fuck up my plans and goals. Every time. I cant rely on people because they never meet my simple expectations, and without fail I'm let down. I don't want friends because they inevitably end up being either selfish assholes or ignorant morons. Is it really all that unrealistic to think I'm better off on my own, or is that just my 'impairment' talking again, like every other time I try to assert myself?",5.268761384335157,6.88540580327869,6.332732240437161,73.80397996357014,68.8360655737705,8.700910746812388,29.12932604735884,9.150863307647796,2.7191938069216754,516,19,85,10,9,172,80,122,0.248,0.607,0.14400000000000002,-0.9413,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,5,5,2,15,5,0,1,0,8,4,2,0,2,17,16,6,0,2,6,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,0,2,17,7,12,12,3,14,0,1,0,1,10,8,3,2,9,56,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412547308908364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072847977781304,0.27948708292759744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494188604331403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412446106427091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631013514202174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417989265513333,0.0,0.12079748606136015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22982212047229175,0.26064527404556403,0.12257491373249935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792168662231585,0.19486832544104013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537146048120057,0.12608662963135464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346529072292517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27892778522402256,0.09633344254156198,0.1998938843869967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051892663743792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910571509701848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737234340043556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799964722651241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962187479112602,0.11920734740137508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739062120769901,0.0,0.0,0.15905550934131935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925971195955189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044397750728564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314712061130842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,diddlydoodles,2018/04/19,"I just need to tell people that will understand Although I'm hidden behind my anonymity as much as I want to scream who I am, I wanted to post something that will give you all hope. I spent 6 years of my life with a severely abusive partner. Not only physically but mentally too, for years he beat me down and tried to tell me how much I wasn't worth. The last time I saw him he was stamping on my head. Fast forward, I have someone now that treats me like gold. He has helped me become independent again, I have my confidence back despite the fact there are about 10 people trying to break us up. We are going to disappear. I cannot wait for the day we can finally leave this town of despair and emotional abuse, a town with one too many people that broke me beyond what I thought I could handle. I am being continuously lied about here; people that don't know me have things to say. I am so proud of myself for not acting on impulses or sending ridiculous abusive messages despite the fact people keep trying it. I'm infatuated with the idea of having a life and not being scared every day that mine would be taken away. There is light, love, hope and faith out there for all of us BPDers. I'm so proud of every single one of you for doing what you do on a daily basis. It's now truly my time to be alive.",6.356866883116886,5.548229178030309,6.8271645021645035,79.7018181818182,65.93181818181819,9.361038961038963,29.463203463203463,8.418075326091056,1.9443158008658008,1029,28,209,12,14,337,151,264,0.124,0.7120000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.9285,0,0,1,0,1,0,22.0,4,3,0,3,17,13,1,1,9,0,26,4,1,2,4,35,45,12,0,7,6,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,0,1,13,10,0,2,4,0,2,5,6,5,0,2,6,4,35,8,36,31,5,31,1,2,1,1,21,11,0,3,16,150,48,0,0.0,0.3944249445986529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425495437821276,0.08532497702615945,0.0,0.0,0.1225517531218116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859625477146313,0.0,0.0,0.14312605655332725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482031134525567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698503024492807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215563652885194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064474167315312,0.0630637756220927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388175837026755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437727511380178,0.0,0.0,0.22042589764937615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526559877060536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863049170825758,0.0,0.0,0.06098327725059476,0.09045101125750787,0.0,0.11749555693693772,0.0,0.0,0.15675524732097065,0.054211729693479864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014994143378583,0.0,0.0,0.11250075250565388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182628194803017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631435913091431,0.08227889218329736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503850559647507,0.08439362708299837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846446306412863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627347445906454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824355445326279,0.11109498641097278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535848526390045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401999954807716,0.085426019440106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939760142623097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371999197012724,0.0,0.0,0.0880935481879864,0.12940877563782954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260131684353961,0.0,0.0,0.11551812840011395,0.2669536556775733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089966741504866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882611343537108,0.0,0.0,0.1429152107420872 bpd,Earth_rise,2018/04/19,"I've learned to identify that feeling of slowly getting sucked into a bad mood... Bad mood is a bit of an understatement, but hopefully you guys understand. Also it should be noted I haven't totally figured out what to DO about it 100% of the time. It's almost like having an out-of-body experience. I can sort of watch my good mood sour like I'm a fly on the wall. It's a little disturbing tbh. I'm not always the best at identifying what causes it, but at least I can tell when its happening and try to make a move to stop it. In the past I would've just turned into a miserable puddle without warning, and I would stay that way for days, with little explanation. Now that I can watch it taking place, I can usually get out of it a bit easier. DBT has been instrumental in helping me with that.",4.075858585858587,4.8384981234567945,5.741290684624019,80.13126262626265,70.85185185185185,9.34769921436588,27.07295173961841,9.573946990214177,2.2569679012345683,624,20,129,14,11,214,102,162,0.131,0.732,0.138,0.0419,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,5,13,1,2,13,0,13,0,0,2,1,26,25,6,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,15,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,4,10,5,23,21,5,23,0,1,2,0,4,13,1,3,9,86,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937347223490894,0.0,0.0,0.1272783759256294,0.13243197783492608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657801062609485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702621411414673,0.0,0.34751803045601976,0.17678835396938142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349882654540396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264356643591788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568679593457188,0.0,0.0,0.08047492838575268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663066856130496,0.0,0.0,0.13349394932450798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157591171414596,0.1407426514151081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668006879126968,0.0,0.0,0.15807953362524615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551285104611132,0.31903570723721364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062390179395324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915947477865245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193405847405916,0.0,0.0,0.16628594860364804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964095923412364,0.0,0.13306298549026904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966680247739625,0.0,0.13911086762520802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280614990341228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805764852023876,0.1731179025223861,0.0,0.16568880569377142,0.0,0.0,0.17528974947982412,0.0,0.0,0.1263319946623844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342236824164684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261221640875459,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jujubean33,2018/04/19,"Advice for an Ex of a BPD/Now “Friend” Advice Welcome! I had a very short and intense relationship with a 22 year old male whom I believe has undiagnosed bpd. He pursued me from the beginning and we had a few great weeks. He seemed to be almost obsessed with me and was even saying “I love you.” (Way too soon, I know, but he said it first.) He suddenly broke up with me after a fight we had which I thought was pretty minor and I thought was resolved. He had a bunch of explanations that didn’t really make sense to me. He kept saying about our relationship: “It’s emotional. It’s not rational.” (And that’s a bad thing I guess) From what I can gather, he either suddenly lost interest or I got too close so he split me black. After he broke up with me, he said he really wants to be friends with me. Afterwards he started hanging out with this other group of friends constantly. We all work together. [These friends do drugs and I do not do drugs. My ex did drugs and he knew I didn’t like it, but he claimed that he would give it up if I didn’t like it. He stopped doing it around me, but towards the end it started creeping in a little. He says he uses it to cope with his emotions.] Anyways, he says he wants to be friends but he doesn’t seem to treat me with the same respect as his other friends. It’s like I’m a pseudo friend, but he also seems to show me a side of him that he does not show his friends (bpd symptoms). He still contacts me from time to time and talks to me when certain friends aren’t around at work. He’ll try really hard to get my attention sometimes. ——Recently, I found out that he tells his friends that he doesn’t talk to me and even kinda makes fun of me to them behind my back. It’s almost like he wants me to be this secret friend of his and lies to his friends about it. I’ve never really been treated like this before and I’m wondering the best way to handle it or some insight. When I’ve confronted him in the past about things I find disrespectful (quietly and calmly) maybe saying “It feels like you don’t care about me” he rages and says things like “If you keep saying I don’t care, then I really won’t care!” Or “You’re being passive aggressive and I don’t want to talk to you ever again!” Or “You make me feel like shit.” Should I just let him treat me like that because BPD? Is that even a BPD trait? I don’t know what to do or what to say or how to say it. I want to stick up for myself, but I don’t want to lose him if possible.",2.521383495145632,3.7650668058252417,3.751638349514561,91.09697208737863,75.11650485436894,7.1694174757281575,23.748786407767,7.7348632917899725,0.8965349514563109,1915,56,436,26,40,625,216,515,0.075,0.6829999999999999,0.241,0.9985,1,0,3,0,1,0,54.0,4,5,1,7,23,48,5,1,17,0,37,6,1,5,4,93,78,36,0,11,20,2,3,9,12,4,4,12,0,1,37,30,0,3,17,2,0,1,16,11,0,1,21,16,63,37,61,47,7,46,0,4,1,1,90,16,1,18,36,274,100,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533094073231557,0.0,0.0,0.10793591007350327,0.0,0.0,0.04309973029250831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959557708333599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041441849668483216,0.04499998846486866,0.032853829459598805,0.0,0.045860588474135364,0.060721093987447815,0.05655937018166246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393936854429265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648483206165295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05824123799985365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047163788249016465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18750291282305814,0.0,0.0,0.12124901192197104,0.047734882590469166,0.0,0.0,0.10679121509002946,0.04875102059392119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450175936816677,0.0770050515025151,0.0,0.0,0.04925896019341719,0.04584297252958602,0.0,0.05909297362788667,0.4996687721035577,0.0,0.02815785966640415,0.0517008969183084,0.0,0.0,0.04310467315680929,0.05941931508129534,0.059371306082303475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04827924238479445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479042614784302,0.0,0.0,0.05923845270619312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551111844832808,0.0,0.2369729225222256,0.054016846285177625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029460484820583,0.0588326474632404,0.0,0.04864224945450494,0.0,0.10792578833054013,0.0,0.05414466879860252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041567067692187036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056553629134978585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144877827718679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075839940319371,0.0,0.05483048661988772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263225791617046,0.0,0.05321470964060539,0.1157259012521526,0.0,0.0,0.102532779215052,0.3857344731624359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471916723968913,0.0,0.0,0.05532233809291397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05330343200517725,0.0,0.07629417210527539,0.0,0.043040534995505066,0.04505854780781909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560174347936056,0.0,0.1299560320281038,0.04710651618391667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074161258965644,0.0,0.0,0.08557305745656499,0.0628530966275116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03659109784670926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046547887496787066,0.0,0.0444689350086394,0.19073164251796115,0.08555852253245103,0.04323123611855794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844671765291879,0.07847225495530526,0.0,0.0,0.038285389071220366,0.0,0.0,0.03470654716436295 bpd,emily610,2018/04/19,"ADVICE NEEDED. Healthy relationship tips for a BPD sufferer? This post will probably be all over the place, as I'm not completely sure how I should organize it. I've been experiencing a depressed mood swing for about four days now. I've been feeling bad about myself, I've been overly emotional (crying immediately after thinking one bad thought about myself), and I've been thinking a lot about self harm (though I have not acted on those thoughts). This is the first actual mood swing I've had in about 5 1/2 months, and the first my boyfriend is witnessing (we've been together for 5 months). When him and I met, I had just gotten out of an extremely toxic relationship a week or two prior. I dated a legit psychopath on and off for two months, during which he repeatedly discard me and then would take me back, I relapsed with self harm (now roughly 7 months clean), and I went to the hospital and was diagnosed with BPD. The relationship was terrible to say the least, and it destroyed me for awhile. The first couple months of this current relationship were a bit rough because of it. I absolutely should not have jumped into a relationship so soon after what I went through, but it just happened that way. My current boyfriend brought me out of that bad place almost immediately, and everything has been perfect between us thus far. This is the first real relationship I've had. Now that I'm in one of my mood swings again, I figure now is a good time to educate him on what BPD is so that our relationship will work out and be healthy. I've always been very aware of my BPD and I truly believe I have it under control and managed. Meaning that when symptoms come up, I recognize what's going on and I don't do anything drastic like I would have in the past. I read several posts on the subreddit for past/present significant others of people with BPD seeking advice and whatnot, and now I'm kinda freaking out. They talk about people with BPD as though they're insane and severely unstable and just all around crazy. And while unfortunately that may be the case for some, I don't think my BPD is nearly as severe as the cases mentioned there. But now I'm paranoid that all of that's gonna happen with my relationship. Which finally brings me to my point. I am determined to make this relationship work. What steps should I take to make that a reality? Should I start seeing a psychiatrist? Couples therapy? What should I be doing differently? What's the best way to go about telling him about BPD? He knows that I suffer from mental illness, but he doesn't know the full extent of it. TL;DR I have BPD. What is some advice on how to have a healthy relationship with my bf? ",5.1977154213036565,6.690396445098036,5.704107048224696,78.71740063593006,68.86274509803923,8.807631160572338,29.66613672496025,9.21561531244674,2.5312368839427664,2137,81,398,42,37,688,235,510,0.117,0.809,0.07400000000000001,-0.9581,3,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,2,0,1,9,30,19,1,0,26,0,47,3,0,6,5,77,79,36,0,8,10,0,3,1,1,11,3,1,1,2,32,31,0,1,10,1,0,10,6,11,0,9,20,6,44,5,68,44,11,75,0,3,1,0,27,26,0,7,36,283,76,4,0.0,0.0,0.04915940306762629,0.0,0.0,0.14767961293512016,0.0,0.0,0.050443973096072785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04191660652983786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041454897554221486,0.044845041089982725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038735793274080096,0.12618478164864252,0.03070855081009418,0.0,0.0,0.05675614778030859,0.052866174859352834,0.0,0.05499720227242397,0.0,0.5710177209131256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04339419319606324,0.05281794866835715,0.0,0.05650061573876601,0.0,0.1114794775031114,0.055335325961872565,0.0324881501994676,0.0,0.043388504810688254,0.051130261214330716,0.0,0.05263187028549937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056665866727321726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527441862087706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025471460623106824,0.0,0.0,0.05518410201881528,0.0,0.17139813219542233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05725932688693061,0.04225273562646887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909410608798385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537031952626772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02461101576145909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04282760705716875,0.0,0.0,0.0672523235836373,0.0,0.0,0.054873890540327486,0.0,0.0,0.05076684332208912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104696104034173,0.0,0.0,0.037352933097836036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827173756607749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617858543918756,0.0698483160068723,0.0,0.10526374057099874,0.0,0.04762130643262884,0.0,0.09649196473624523,0.0,0.05431351011260843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503893186955558,0.05733855967275942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5408463453272377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04006076769318848,0.0,0.0,0.040142899834472265,0.0,0.10510565472018778,0.17073056001569828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03565617005911021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04747848818428107,0.052359626591657056,0.07575249356135459,0.04049006846645578,0.04403057024141483,0.0,0.057608987590836776,0.0,0.0,0.09683611713724154,0.09898771207497373,0.07998533583768486,0.029374467803383868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841945132109654,0.0,0.060595748047585975,0.0,0.0,0.041565216982174434,0.0,0.07997175001030897,0.040408336950870836,0.0,0.0,0.0933975318209882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733481992241121,0.0,0.0,0.07157088442451251,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,mountainoverfire,2018/04/19,"chronic fatigue, me, fibromyalgia any bpd folks like myself suffer from physical muscle pain and fatigue? wat helps ? are people with bpd at higher risk. lemme know (ouch)",4.247142857142855,7.475029428571433,3.4511428571428597,80.29385714285716,94.0,5.097142857142859,23.457142857142852,6.742157984588678,1.6573914285714288,136,5,18,2,5,40,26,28,0.337,0.534,0.13,-0.7998,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216811239818744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8211339305835077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21850101742405167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915294832622006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925990937714454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346871251288286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259971019729488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,oceandeeep,2018/04/19,"Intrusive thoughts/ Guilt Does anyone else with BPD struggle with extreme guilt over “minor” things? I’m really having a hard time. I consistently dwell in thoughts about what I said to someone, if I bumped into someone or had an awkward conversation, etc. I feel plagued by guilt, but no matter how many times I logically thing through the situation and say to myself “okay, everything is okay, you don’t need to feel guilty— it’s over and it’s fine anyway” the feeling and thought will not leave me alone. I can’t let it go. Does anyone know how to actually stop intrusive thoughts? Specifically thoughts of guilt, or being unable to let something go?",4.1890056022408935,7.007892319327732,4.440525210084033,80.88891106442578,75.38655462184875,7.328011204481792,29.24439775910364,8.344100000000001,2.415335574229692,522,23,91,10,12,163,85,119,0.145,0.737,0.118,-0.5183,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,7,4,2,9,0,0,2,0,26,23,9,0,2,5,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,1,10,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,7,6,9,3,15,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,3,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.13617071456678398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452114833878907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951389432733628,0.14297501370686866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757454915030229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24422443617801984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656759636682874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562376110878864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540937339535166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166654460816475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586073664702637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500025112777352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668742402456408,0.0,0.0,0.14775249875140772,0.0,0.2853777963396053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414714541337556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346699255278834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939276809808516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132734302752301,0.11096764855690128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684858010455252,0.0,0.0,0.23646323704462424,0.1074245542530296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666151980056914,0.0,0.14587729482567854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854080835987039,0.0,0.0,0.5538950666721174,0.16273355741538348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,elipsis_eclipse,2018/04/19,Being sad - Ranting (sorry for the cursing) Is anyone able to just be regular sad sometimes? Maybe the people that have dealt with this for a long time. I’m guess I’m just looking for some hope that I can be normal and relatable at some point. All my close friends have been able to cry and breakdown in front of me before and it’s strange but I envy them. I want to be able to be vulnerable enough with someone to do that but honestly I can barely even cry alone. I’m just so quick to anger if not numbness. When I have a breakdown I feel like a fucking comic book character in the scene where the nice guy gets betrayed and turns into the evil villain. It would be embarrassing for others to see because I know that’s not how most people deal with hurt feelings. It’s just like scorched earth policy. But even when I’m in that mode there’s still a voice in the back of my head judging me for being so immature and not having control of my emotions. It’s that out of body experience where I can see myself overreacting and looking insane over nothing but I can’t stop. I just want to be able to fucking cry in a friends shoulder and be done with it ya know? Not destroy everything in my path because I got my feelings hurt like a little bitch.,3.6962591738309882,5.0806884980079685,4.464894107779411,86.58089746278047,72.38645418326693,7.037198574124553,27.951562172363186,7.475848149327749,1.4881426294820717,987,37,200,11,19,317,132,251,0.224,0.652,0.124,-0.9876,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,1,18,21,7,1,12,0,22,6,3,2,1,46,44,17,0,6,14,0,3,3,2,1,1,1,0,1,13,14,0,2,5,2,0,1,5,13,0,0,3,8,21,8,32,31,5,24,0,4,4,2,6,15,3,6,11,139,34,1,0.4326857667428634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203299078647898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563598713794678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831771616317007,0.0,0.13188061368117968,0.0,0.09204592967140313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015408620688885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132346985491185,0.0,0.0,0.3564637480565052,0.0,0.11152000658590774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106969411668698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167831241842,0.0,0.1117700153103744,0.0,0.14289243408850322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721751685229693,0.10581242644092206,0.0,0.0,0.1640841933133719,0.15455539910790286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714597503104234,0.20000550957410976,0.056515113669176276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865145835653233,0.0,0.11916303837298475,0.10710673395869404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101510663122632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743864900762767,0.0,0.0,0.2315995311590595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889639084575215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854130737121178,0.1084162022264629,0.0,0.09572832193510092,0.18167353468450814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867275240326156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059850458802748,0.10379341569735967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998491522034532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225697649285033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723972680394973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165331151071088,0.0,0.1069843217637749,0.12108907284078925,0.0,0.0,0.08638585306096025,0.09043616884578727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307563753863182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176594663426366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276046378632988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684188858325146,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,palmettooo,2018/04/19,"Non-BPD, how does it feel emotionally when someone is upset with you? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. When anyone is upset with me, even in regards to something that I am not at fault for, I feel so upset and overwhelmed that I don't know what to do. Though my mind tells me that it is not a big deal, the emotional feeling inside of me feels comparable to negative things in my life like being fired, family and pet deaths, wrecking my car, etc. I can feel this way over a simple misunderstanding, it happens when there is any conflict at all. A sinking, dragging feeling fills my body up and I feel like I'm shrinking into a black hole sometimes, and it's impossible to think. What I'm curious about is, do normal people feel this way and are just really good at suppressing it? Do you have an emotional response at all if someone is angry or disappointed in you, when you did nothing wrong? I understand everyone probably feels a little shitty about these types of things, but it is it something that lingers for hours and days sometimes and leaves you feeling ""impending doom"" kind of? I'm not asking for treatment advice really.. I do have a therapist now and I'm hoping she can help. But honestly, if the answer is that no, normal people do not feel this and it's just something I'll have to deal with, I feel I should just live in a box and never interact with anyone at all because I can't deal with feeling this way the moment anything remotely negative occurs. It's just too much. 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He was furious at me for the borderline things I do. He was so determined to get away from me, he abandoned most of his belongings in my apartment and is en route to the other side of the country. I feel like I deserve this for being borderline, and I've never wanted more to crawl in a hole and die. 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I feel like i drive home at the end of the day totally disoriented because none of the feelings or conversations or thoughts i had were consistent with the day before. It's like I'm always on some new tangent or focusing on something new or coming up with some idea to help myself that i don't follow through with. I just feel untethered.... I'm floating with no baseline. It's really exhausting. 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My pattern has always been me being very attracted to those that make me feel “needed”. It has resulted in me getting super entangled in abusive relationships and me always pacifying myself saying love should be unconditional no matter what. I finally am seeing someone who is very unlike anyone I have ever been with. Although this may seem like I am putting him on a pedestal (a manifestation of my BPD), for the first time someone is defining boundaries. He tells me does not want to be my go-to person when I have episodes but he wants to be there in a way that doesn’t impact him adversely. I am super lost because this makes me wonder whether or not as someone with BPD I deserve unconditional love and support and where that fine line is b/w not being able to get emotional support from your partner and a healthy balanced relationship. I am trying real hard for the first time to be conscious about my emotions, impulses and expressions - mainly because I don’t want to put him off but also because I am so sick of being codependent and want this to really work. But I’m super afraid that I am fooling myself and trying to be someone I am not. What have your experiences been as someone living with BPD as far as navigating relationships go? ",9.188722679534486,7.991639623616238,9.34738007380074,65.17578484246383,60.512915129151295,11.880896962815786,40.034345728072665,10.891193690592663,4.47195293783707,1162,52,194,24,13,386,141,271,0.094,0.74,0.166,0.9802,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,7,7,14,0,1,8,0,34,4,0,3,1,42,57,23,0,6,11,0,2,1,1,2,2,1,0,2,15,13,0,0,5,0,0,5,7,4,0,2,7,4,30,10,32,40,1,25,0,1,1,2,19,8,0,4,11,149,45,1,0.08260943333297173,0.09787867010506708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606273399041128,0.1374753324735197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057762436551410126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107383142022207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5202184470128502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711607120772333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384683591805557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229207180483098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584898714769227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472496192898667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080787730709887,0.0,0.0,0.0417698116288962,0.0,0.0,0.09049459629906978,0.0,0.14053508358395436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632003867570975,0.0,0.09389768939653212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740018261200039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035879636283511,0.0,0.14589128621598527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017795501127022,0.0,0.14911647774124262,0.0,0.11028487644504256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125384807606955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282819657335942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213137079196713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911700177646608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609059475645113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402762063949742,0.05292171832853629,0.0,0.08156684934001457,0.3547664627289076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569433708624725,0.0,0.0,0.06582902288698965,0.07520452551300398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499735239264162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874884119603619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220428589118161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293278925704768,0.0,0.0,0.14451067471176265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217276521493437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632286811888827,0.194900736465606,0.0655715230270989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657977232816174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958640656711027,0.060140651340005874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,laurandisorder,2018/04/19,"Is this a BPD thing? (details in post) Hi everyone. I have experienced dissociation in the past - it generally manifests as me feeling like I am hovering above myself; watching myself in a movie. This usually happens when I am driving. However, I have recently (the last few weeks) been experiencing something different. This is difficult to describe: Whilst driving, day or night I have this experience where I am momentarily completely disoriented. I don't know which road I am driving on, I do not know which direction I am driving in and I literally don't know where I am. This sensation usually lasts about 30 seconds. By the time I have figured out where I am, I cannot remember what I was initially thinking about to put me in this weird state. I am generally a creature of habit, I drive the same routes every day and night. Is this a BPD thing? Or a thing at all? I'll talk to my psychiatrist about it at my next appointment, but its a little disconcerting.",3.6715518311607696,6.352910944134077,5.6257635009310984,72.44083022967105,76.43016759776536,9.787833643699566,32.290813159528234,9.994966539143718,4.030448541278709,765,40,135,26,18,263,101,179,0.036000000000000004,0.944,0.019,-0.3867,2,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,10,0,21,0,0,0,1,18,27,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,0,7,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,2,4,24,1,18,25,3,37,0,0,1,0,2,14,0,2,16,103,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879660069485619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614872104720091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866052663460448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091828873736308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976863010057307,0.14717286606516708,0.0,0.1506612734940657,0.0,0.0,0.07787722216363546,0.1100320351692396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361995214163366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25393636070717857,0.2510939791644993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524647174686075,0.15436866580078706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380219059278273,0.28907497858873304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702967325786231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750874097799735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483280439539174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207632975882684,0.0,0.17447482015913449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857224616501807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379557278008882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069724573071212,0.09868990134157646,0.0,0.0,0.08981039559967165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33926289931722536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235456843464744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,AemAer,2018/04/19,"My Personal Testimony and Advice I have been an undiagnosed (until recently) sufferer of BPD for almost 11 years. It's kind of hard to grasp exactly when my erratic behaviors started, given that I forgot most of my young childhood as a coping mechanism for my parents' divorce, father's death to alcoholism, being bullied in school, and constraining my passion for idealism to attract less attention. I've had only a handful of relationships, turbulent to describe them best, where I'd be constantly paranoid of betrayal. I have made the regrettable decision of cheating because I was too afraid to leave someone who could fight to be with me for someone who didn't need to and saw ""pain in my eyes"" and said they loved who I was when I couldn't even see myself in the mirror. I didn't really think I had any other problems than depression and lack of concrete identity but one morning I drove to a local ER and almost stayed for inpatient services before I decided I couldn't put the financial burden on my mother and instead should've sought out a therapist. The people I spoke to in the psych wing confirmed my suspicions I was suffering from BPD and gave me a list of therapy provider options. At first, I was incredibly dreadful that I had so much baggage I could never expect anyone to appreciate me like a normal person. But then I reminded myself why I went there in the first place: I'm sick of living in misery all the time, I want help, and I'm done living in the cycles of impulse-satisfaction-regret. I wish everyone could be met with the same support I have received but nothing has helped me more than black and white thinking. I always channeled it into conceptualizing and pursuing ideals of everything, and I thought: that is how I can build my character. That is how I can feel fulfilled. The only thing that has stayed consistent in my mind is idealism, and I feel confident striving towards internalizing all that is ideal. But what I needed to hear the most is: recovery is possible. Reinterpret your differences from the standard mold, and show the world we are just as capable, if not more capable of success because we strive to separate the good from the bad. I love all of you and want you to know I am here for you.",10.474675704412542,8.259101767942589,10.291547049441784,62.63860712387029,58.83253588516747,13.977884104199893,43.557150451887296,12.554650470220118,5.566607230196704,1801,85,300,49,18,596,240,418,0.126,0.718,0.156,0.9575,1,0,1,0,2,0,37.0,2,4,2,8,12,25,2,2,22,0,35,8,2,3,5,74,64,29,1,19,7,3,4,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,14,21,1,2,10,2,0,4,6,11,1,3,22,12,53,14,55,33,12,37,0,3,5,3,29,17,0,6,15,229,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156607209721856,0.0,0.1110770859751369,0.2081558628108026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648394310358756,0.0,0.0,0.07068075102680756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072675194689185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678308654647059,0.12671810916579396,0.0,0.08844276530715275,0.0,0.10907551057087604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26181012557470723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231901541176634,0.0,0.24895580586941599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895208198384616,0.0,0.0,0.10859208442759727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636367759869376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686494343496408,0.0,0.0,0.0993162953856924,0.09341190922191484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510738028022147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681758543953655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717745749024962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310717209513568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714459745340293,0.0,0.1393336133834858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082344323979061,0.057121078731987275,0.0,0.0,0.1100543175283033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077838744699922,0.0,0.18355662022265407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876144722801824,0.09834773988665688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494678079619636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640568319651786,0.15413599564582214,0.08016265239335096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183623080694636,0.09973039261725557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043042789073015,0.15809760427524114,0.11059633815583307,0.0,0.1154097822680294,0.0,0.0,0.07205685630967887,0.1815076277413727,0.10859208442759727,0.0,0.0,0.11717339523206426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945370981720088,0.0,0.10448543232092017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658472897675388,0.0,0.10262528746849177,0.11158948309369504,0.0,0.0,0.0988679259264338,0.0,0.0,0.10518983292832827,0.08282436372386709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613103259434107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356717153352675,0.22156610973113094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179465207380763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886106289436026,0.12067891382977455,0.06905115066452153,0.13319731626188222,0.0,0.08251439949920056,0.0606065235838604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260951764990652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096350676936026,0.09378701179480403,0.0,0.11952246599911652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693204574142249 bpd,SplittingBears,2018/04/19,"I'm feeling a lot of intrusive thoughts tonight, could really use support. I don't have the energy to fight them off or try to find evidence to the contrary. I was talking to my friend earlier and she told me all the same patronizing shit like ""you deserve love"" and ""you just need to get to a place where you can love yourself"" but tonight I really just can't deal with the mental strain. I'm having a lot of difficulty thinking about the future because I don't have a lot of money and I can't find a better job so that I can move to a more positive living situation. I'm really hoping things get better for me, and they have been slowly, but I'm not where I want to be and I still don't feel like I'm worth anything to anybody. I still feel like people who are friends with me are just doing charity work. I still feel paranoid that everybody hates me behind my back and only ever lets me stay around because they feel sorry for me, but that I'm an inconvenience to them and if they had the opportunity they'd leave me and forget all about me. 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I sometimes feel extremely sick from certain songs. Like, the pit of my stomach just goes in knots. It's the heaviest feeling of sorrow and.. almost the feeling of being disturbed. I've felt sick since yesterday over the song Acid Rain by Lorn. It's such an annoying, common thing for me. Do any other borderlines feel this? ",3.676275430359937,6.866617816901409,3.940187793427232,80.86439749608766,82.09859154929578,7.099217527386543,27.607198748043817,8.167268648758528,2.5603602503912364,319,14,51,7,9,99,51,71,0.227,0.657,0.116,-0.9054,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,5,0,3,4,1,0,2,11,9,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,3,3,9,7,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831305326405807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845556577735315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7148275374363073,0.0,0.2714817050251047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381360264405923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23389145076440016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796442645440137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878447121603376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,palehuman,2018/04/19,"Writing a letter about how I think I have BPD. I have suspected I may have BPD for the past two years. I can pinpoint symptoms since I was 5 or 6 years old. I am planning on writing a letter and showing my counsellor and then being referred to a psychiatrist and to show them my letter as well. I am only 16 years old, but I have seen a psychiatrist in the past who has also written that he suspects that I have Borderline as well last year, but I have transferred teams so I can't see him anymore, just a new psychiatrist. I'm not sure if I will be able to receive a diagnosis now, but the earlier treatment the better. I was wondering if anybody here had any tips on writing a letter? I was wondering if I should focus on the DSM and write about my experiences and describe my childhood. ",5.889676511954992,5.661106139240509,7.014894514767934,76.03763009845291,66.72151898734178,9.8070323488045,35.27707454289733,9.444778638647367,3.2016812939521806,622,28,121,11,9,211,92,158,0.05,0.893,0.057,0.2633,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,10,4,0,0,12,0,20,1,0,1,1,28,27,18,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,6,2,22,4,12,16,0,18,0,0,2,0,14,4,0,7,13,92,25,2,0.1569017808332984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547429744533664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669859135796617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560440582043572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876687465907775,0.0,0.0,0.3952246007046316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348004874622462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789589278086386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153671764568066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292840505282236,0.0,0.0,0.11933087458875093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995610072238906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503040518209396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297907744835696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787807157907984,0.1630810269046944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053632574174323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327024115369126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821470882309961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34030657666369085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041584105187627 bpd,Brisingr627,2018/04/19,I feel so confused My boyfriend's mental health issues have been terrible for the past few days so he hasn't messaged me much. I've started to spiral and think he's breaking up with me or doesmt like me. I want to self harm partly to get him to talk to me partly to fulfill the crave for self destructive behavior. I have also been dissociating hard. I always drastically get worse when he feels bad ,4.291434599156118,5.843607278481013,5.079177215189876,82.09868143459916,71.15189873417722,7.79831223628692,27.090717299578056,8.344100000000001,1.7907704641350208,321,11,62,5,6,104,56,79,0.239,0.688,0.07200000000000001,-0.941,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,12,6,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,10,1,10,10,4,6,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,5,37,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944051559335022,0.17630129581876994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691111279430724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366451975267551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142659860145829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213973139739132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898030374347341,0.0,0.0,0.2252187395889741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221147875640858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351396091839578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21352540206091444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15575632275843504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588912077686773,0.2022636211124918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44207450600417203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996989274121647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703012750649422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357642737705968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497242878658812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159240203939579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,i_spexx,2018/04/19,"Zyprexa and Escitalopram So I just wanna know if anyone has any experience being on these two medications together? I only get to see my psychiatrist like, once every two or three months, I was lucky to get into see him earlier this week. He had me on 5mg of Zyprexa at night, and that did little for me other than to make it extremely difficult to wake in the morning.. now, I'm to take 10mg of Escitalopram and 5mg of Zyprexa Zydis when I awaken.. I have trust issues, I would LIKE to not have to take Zyprexa as I'm extremely fearful of developing tardive dyskinesia but for some reason when I said I wanted to stop taking it he refused to allow me. So now my thoughts have been ruminating about cynical delusions and I just, Idk.. I have crippling anxiety and intense fits of anger, I'm easily annoyed, if Escitalopram can be used in place of Zyprexa than I'd much prefer that, as there are less side effects. There are a lot of angry, bitter people who have been adversely affected by Zyprexa, and I can't forsake the knowledge I've since gathered while prescribed to it. Like, it works wonders when I take it while suffering from one of my manic states. But I would rather take something less potent if it alleviates me of my anxiety and short temper. ",7.340502225047679,6.906701619834712,8.053471074380166,70.47922759059125,63.79338842975206,11.082517482517483,36.38397965670693,10.560738912317856,3.8284013986014,1000,43,183,22,13,336,143,242,0.17600000000000002,0.754,0.07,-0.983,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,13,14,5,1,3,0,19,2,1,6,0,38,38,22,0,9,10,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,8,0,2,7,0,0,0,2,9,0,4,7,4,22,5,35,27,5,23,0,1,2,0,7,11,0,8,14,128,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958209681594006,0.0,0.2155855352850391,0.0,0.0,0.09852480930273967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871945196365916,0.0,0.0,0.13783318670698871,0.0,0.1585585173396651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472352251269739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470693418627939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743829807824815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065187838015133,0.14122491229218698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979331272227063,0.0,0.0,0.09405590440296932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419480543195231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246989094496454,0.0,0.1035821836979916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223081344028662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006037947351775,0.0954816083633716,0.10716542541822817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768653606266164,0.0,0.14721686616421514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487492096301413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403395188301928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456780959209746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655896775103528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108476386565083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178037945528615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297191913252233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186369035759347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752895368243304,0.0,0.0,0.1216976143778351,0.0,0.0,0.08311005836875733,0.0,0.11302636027459992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15280663611353093,0.10258130644026618,0.0,0.0,0.20019127681428545,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Imbrizzly,2018/04/19,"Extreme mood swing So I had posted a little blurb about me in the making new friends subreddit and some guy from Sweden messaged me and it seemed like we were having polite small talk for a couple hours but suddenly I'm blocked? I think it might be because I took more than ten minutes to reply to a message? It was a completely platonic message thread. Anyway I feel confused because I don't know what I did wrong. Was I boring? I felt fine a minute ago. And now my crazy neighbor is yelling at his girlfriend again. I want to cry this is so stupid.",2.3645454545454534,4.732727706422021,3.1057381150959134,90.44516263552963,79.27522935779818,5.431526271893245,25.505421184320262,6.574015621080383,0.9647357798165136,436,17,85,4,11,137,84,109,0.229,0.7070000000000001,0.064,-0.9722,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,6,8,1,1,6,0,11,0,0,1,0,16,20,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,7,3,14,3,9,11,2,12,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,4,7,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253148019937733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27855547442322776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395542668288291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25280596059685484,0.25097175817568457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155250673012844,0.0,0.21937418888879304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652111661105102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22622860372725234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250042719880269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556523523356314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116225447085783,0.22899443521975904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251047678670202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423784760152518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066495182336746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881824692211604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799729595238614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364152546389684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639912900959218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538468616404949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13476192385844155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498042323728308,0.0,0.0 bpd,MeatBallsdeep,2018/04/20,"Having a hard time getting diagnosed.. I'm having a really hard time figuring out if I'm borderline or not. Everything I've read here I identify with, and everything I've looked into seems to describe me. The idea that I may be borderline was one that I was given when I was in emerge for slicing open my thighs. Long story short - it wasn't a suicide attempt, it was 5 years ago and I was going through a hard time with an emotionally abusive ex. He gave me a knife during an argument and I went ahead and did it. When I brought it up with my doctors they shrugged it off. I was told I'd get a referral for a group therapy session, but I never heard anything back. That's my fault for not following through. Since then, I've had my anxiety skyrocket and even cause me to have another trip to emerge because of a severe panic attack. I've also been a total asshole to people. When my head is clear, I want to tell my boyfriend how sorry I am and I promise myself that I won't be so mean anymore, but it still happens. I'll feel slighted and suddenly everyone is my enemy. I'm not asking for a Reddit diagnosis, I'm actually just hoping that I could have recommendations on how to explain to my doctor that I am not okay and I genuinely think I am borderline. Obviously there's much more to this story than I can type out right now, but I need help. ",4.510256410256408,5.1647286886446935,6.14478021978022,78.02105311355312,69.80586080586083,9.72967032967033,31.28388278388278,9.861636050157227,2.995884981684981,1064,44,211,25,18,366,158,273,0.129,0.804,0.066,-0.9247,0,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,1,2,14,6,1,1,13,1,25,5,2,3,4,44,50,21,1,5,10,1,4,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,13,15,0,0,7,1,0,5,7,3,0,1,16,6,32,3,27,29,3,31,0,0,1,0,11,10,0,5,16,147,45,5,0.0,0.15395828386766275,0.12680321630444574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518444256272238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391339749356784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362539788361229,0.09940415227314492,0.0,0.12886609292085202,0.0,0.0,0.10692998721354102,0.0,0.12147685790585483,0.14782611539598886,0.0,0.09991624931857916,0.0,0.0792105430045951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334847214146714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374694244246803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318869060217141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659992836658261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616561038828796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582449671307453,0.0,0.0,0.12416374799931172,0.2335643453417673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657018378872261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357771310504816,0.0,0.07384819952657146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490598441751343,0.0,0.3492035846097739,0.0,0.13335647495894795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870964004083913,0.0,0.0,0.12906026882992533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668704562285032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499328293587005,0.10911732157019567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154333408157085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09552124308791296,0.09634925893413823,0.1002181498219509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805106821743286,0.0,0.0,0.15245721851661287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09008440471639334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299756970034083,0.0,0.0832432329172756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096850541223699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829298124540567,0.0,0.1467958164698622,0.0,0.10748815187257656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545778858489894,0.0,0.0,0.1037706777042443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213385317321686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357375342108295,0.0,0.1485983242008015,0.0,0.0,0.08326064693763986,0.0,0.0,0.2273081096759736,0.0,0.0,0.12416374799931172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664229315380451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204561761409726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367744314508141 bpd,universemessages,2018/04/20,"I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago, but I don't know if I have it My treatment has been heavily focused on my bipolar 1 and PTSD, because it was more severe at the time and still is. I'm going to therapy and doing DBT right now, but it's mostly because I have intense moods from my bipolar and I also have PCOS that makes my hormones affect me greatly. I've read a lot about BPD and in a lot of ways I can relate. But for some reason I can't relate at all to the posts in this sub. The ""DAE"" posts are just so...I don't know the word. Every single one is like ""DAE have this very obvious symptom of BPD"" like clearly everyone in this sub with BPD will do that, and to fix it you should be going to therapy. I get the point of making the post though, because you don't want to feel alone in it. But maybe educating yourself about your own illness will help, because you are definitely not alone in this, and just being in this sub proves that. Not to mention some of the stuff in this sub is so toxic. Like FP. Really? It's like turning the illness into a novelty. I've had several of those FPs throughout my life and all of them have turned out extremely abusive. So now I have my favourite PEOPLE, which are my family, close friends, and boyfriend. They are all awesome and we all communicate in a healthy way to each other. I'm so happy that I've become completely sober to get to this point, so many toxic people cut out of my life for good. So many ""FPs"" cut out of my life for good. I thrive on independence. Am I crazy? I'm sorry for being so critical but it's like. Seriously guys. You are all so smart, I've seen your posts and I've seen your comments. You are all very smart people and you analyze things with such proficiency. You don't miss any details, you're all very detail oriented. These are great, great traits. Use them to help yourselves. You're capable of it, you're capable of managing the intense moods. I'll have a week where I'm horrible too, so so depressed. And honestly sometimes I don't even know where it comes from, if it's BPD, my bipolar, my hormones. I get so intense I'll call a crisis line every day that week, and they know to just talk to me until I pass out. That happens to me sometimes and I've just accepted it as my illness. I'm working on it and I'll get better. I have gotten better! I've made crazy improvement in the past 3 years since I was diagnosed. Anyway all I meant to say this whole time is that, I may not agree with some of the posts here, and I may not relate to them. But I just want the best for you guys and I hope you're seeking out help, or going to therapy, or doing your own form of treatment, whatever it is. And I hope you're having a good day, and if you're feeling a very intense mood I'm sorry and I hope you can ground yourself and find yourself in the moment so you can figure out exactly why that intense mood is happening. Love you guys.",2.926939130434782,4.1958736533333365,4.30595652173913,87.42286956521744,74.13333333333333,7.4173913043478255,25.71014492753623,7.967736418589885,1.3642862318840576,2272,76,486,33,46,753,231,600,0.099,0.6829999999999999,0.218,0.998,0,2,0,0,0,0,73.0,1,15,5,4,30,33,2,0,21,0,49,13,0,7,12,101,88,48,0,9,20,0,2,5,1,5,12,1,0,3,35,37,0,0,12,1,0,5,10,5,0,1,10,5,59,24,65,70,22,56,0,2,2,1,34,29,0,16,20,317,94,3,0.0,0.07488287307575417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056023890212623335,0.0,0.0,0.13091439097618734,0.0,0.05054183224119203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042978860329026335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410701883825068,0.06980056028329949,0.0,0.0,0.06632557048474044,0.11179233105822492,0.0,0.0,0.3979973562933864,0.0,0.06453530692738761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054442081862572066,0.06626506620882859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815188578218992,0.0,0.054434945250056856,0.12829540828692354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04174367713581351,0.0,0.10649916907115026,0.06039128229069116,0.0,0.0,0.05958029617967424,0.0,0.06391266859770847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776458658962889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048828950677158034,0.0,0.1320796960790078,0.0,0.10775578708271237,0.15903004912435068,0.0,0.20903804044783386,0.0,0.1877368364517037,0.11177690515409183,0.06727866018433291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708693290078646,0.0,0.0,0.18831861762413246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893450926882614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392224686670226,0.15438412793534342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074624929123456,0.057041387384067686,0.05980233252842606,0.08437434219472319,0.12815182740604714,0.06349391860694659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042826646282821366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060332524195675814,0.13144688694271872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119490783086757,0.0,0.3026455302162213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387860936358227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321812231945258,0.0,0.0404881912708113,0.06498117387929199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053973325094565004,0.0,0.05025998719174047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279832454112262,0.0,0.05228053620512035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501484812092853,0.14149673335986931,0.0,0.0,0.0504724155940274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235004630248341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569005821394798,0.0,0.050798585241859415,0.0,0.0,0.21682762052537247,0.0,0.04198794886663597,0.0,0.062094680500516114,0.0,0.07370604511971404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748912057686918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054585388471756376,0.0,0.20858983923078486,0.07455519724296616,0.10033205459271853,0.10139209079288904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702908956183584,0.07056168092739587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04601109471708794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139876850956343 bpd,CJLB,2018/04/20,"I was doing really well. but then i spent all my money starting a school program, and i had a fender bender so i had to pay a deductible. Got fired from my job of 3 years and my back-up job, kicked out of my house(friend took me in on the other side of town), my car started breaking down, so i can't figure out how to get to school. Pretty bummed out and lonely. I've done some DBT in the past but I'm in a pretty dark place and need to get motivated again somehow. Every day is a struggle to go outside.",2.328333333333333,3.240340907407411,4.097222222222225,89.73250000000004,75.1111111111111,6.140740740740743,22.759259259259267,5.985473137389443,0.30729259259259223,390,10,87,2,8,132,73,108,0.117,0.7559999999999999,0.127,0.2962,2,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,7,0,7,0,0,2,1,16,17,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,0,3,3,1,2,1,0,7,1,11,1,17,10,2,22,0,1,0,0,0,11,0,2,7,58,12,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048538961211014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621380710989816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002745945350507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489025903524898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120152383906338,0.0,0.20449601146854596,0.0,0.1112239015545443,0.0,0.1565235042835993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884148676799729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511309089787655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682297016287816,0.0,0.0,0.20447051257956994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3982055437979388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253739048809402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961286712634199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770426104587519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459379964267213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743592516683533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759626779687182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260278755388717 bpd,thesethwnm23,2018/04/20,"How can I help my girlfriend? We've been together for two years. She's cheated on me constantly throughout our relationship. I've tried so much, I've tried giving her advice, I've tried tovget her to go to therapy. I have made advances with her though, I got her to stop using opiates and I helped her go back to school. I just dont know how to make her stop cheating, I don't know how to make her not angry all the time. It's like she backs me into corners that she knows will start a fight no matter what answer I give her or no matter how much I placate her. I figured you would all know more than me. I'm trying my best here but it hurts so much, I would never abandon her though.",2.1016666666666666,3.619701388888892,3.2663888888888906,93.0175,76.77777777777777,5.911111111111111,21.722222222222214,6.42735559955562,0.20487222222222234,536,14,120,4,12,173,88,144,0.128,0.765,0.107,-0.4479,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,1,1,0,2,12,7,3,0,2,0,8,0,0,8,3,31,23,11,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,6,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,3,0,30,2,11,17,7,15,0,2,0,0,22,3,0,1,10,82,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136543662414435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148892582415556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663922100694984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099973255267735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376386692320308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680857026912005,0.15882486509417548,0.0,0.11175576519278536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731768863333945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958508586837416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071703426184748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826558170799167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221699251549668,0.18654325506713276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081554183648097,0.0,0.10776927689165966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500189619813413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141538350570726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890242703334592,0.0,0.0,0.2336429959888492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597947475071541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745702904844529,0.0,0.08147835714692127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794731141309757,0.0,0.13649702964185378,0.0,0.0,0.12068284954596302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19852199949609575,0.0,0.0,0.08998227921698465 bpd,JakquiStar,2018/04/20,"Fear of rejection I hate you BPD... I hate rejection. In any form. Like even the smallest stupidest most absurd thing can just ruin my whole day. For example, I reached out to 3 therapists today because I have finally hit a point where I can admit I need therapy again and had the balls to try and get help and all 3 of them didn't respond without additional calls and emails and they all ended up telling me they aren't taking new clients right now 🙄 f*cks sake. It's like the universe is telling me to go eat a d*ck bro, you're just gonna be nutty forever. Enjoy! I want to help myself for once in a really long time. I'm finally in a relationship with a human who treats me like a queen and doesn't judge me and I am scared to death I will lose him 😭😭😭 This is all coming finally after my drinking problem and lying about it has hit a dangerous point. But NOOOOOOOO. Ugh. Feel so defeated. ",1.746939890710383,3.8765960710382537,3.5280054644808736,87.87648907103826,80.09289617486337,7.3453551912568305,24.374316939890708,8.344100000000001,1.609074316939891,703,26,148,15,18,235,124,183,0.248,0.65,0.102,-0.9866,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,3,3,8,17,3,2,10,0,13,2,0,0,3,25,27,10,1,3,4,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,12,2,0,2,2,0,2,4,12,0,0,2,1,21,5,18,20,6,23,0,5,0,0,17,9,0,1,15,89,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431436359947153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454450220801524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746759550426322,0.0,0.14161860868242845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946967101012332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944396312477096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586398749942086,0.0,0.14191510748904107,0.0,0.0,0.12283870565323594,0.0,0.0,0.09160383298268003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606548277919036,0.07012613432033928,0.0,0.0,0.455786318002685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724601140231389,0.0,0.07882106385219427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738565077105098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859227708162599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032716642267165,0.0,0.0,0.12273681626591805,0.0,0.1551593052185641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283732222647854,0.0,0.13394824528429092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477009621526303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622148906824047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270817319779513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888487494495356,0.0,0.0,0.14890180041216794,0.0,0.11844101422585596,0.0,0.0,0.13885348492344776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042780706059141,0.0,0.24244339409021096,0.0,0.1586047875946668,0.161030475658271,0.0921398716924432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087160391971761,0.0,0.1314624717102629,0.0,0.0,0.09416181320655673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180330896599564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484310147427952,0.0,0.13369278878368093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,ru_girl,2018/04/20,ughhh So yesterday one of my favourite people told me they'd let me know if they were free and then later I saw them hanging out with mutual friends of ours on social media and it really upset me but I didn't say anything because hey they can do what they want you know but then today they're with other mutual friends and it's on social media again and it shouldn't get to me like this but I feel like I actually want to kill myself. Been feeling really shitty for the past few days anyway and I'm probably just being sensitive but I feel like they hate me and I have like no friends and just been feeling like no one would miss me. Idk what to do :((,2.267444444444447,4.130421614814813,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000004,77.2962962962963,6.87037037037037,20.87962962962963,7.793537801064563,0.7856296296296299,518,13,108,8,12,171,81,135,0.168,0.62,0.212,0.4878,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,1,1,6,0,5,13,2,1,1,0,13,0,0,0,0,27,27,15,1,5,7,0,4,5,3,2,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,0,6,0,1,1,4,4,0,2,6,6,22,10,11,16,1,12,0,1,1,0,16,3,0,1,13,77,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.15112773113284542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744224341161325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440541016991093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987632318468906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132213828808497,0.3319107814139192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589492926352773,0.0,0.08091155080057252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289897783358766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713372528259661,0.0,0.170221569830579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836187323282244,0.0,0.37830066485829744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098836062892117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783795666716576,0.1073651922405079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669726856098644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984233726808045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315635567386693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157345544149477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467956903125639,0.14798193666502812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268899182089265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001298534248004,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,7_Cube,2018/04/20,"Anyone else notice that i'm only posting for attention? Wow like ok, most of this is like complete bs, no joke you attention whores xd",1.2034615384615392,3.845155115384621,2.8296153846153835,86.35288461538461,94.0,5.676923076923077,21.884615384615387,7.1686216300943375,1.3060307692307696,107,4,19,2,4,35,24,26,0.154,0.423,0.423,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26273786681323696,0.385007210542415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939738189488259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138965610371601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671515502668753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4278015673624734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857799519712988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598711120315494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Jostello,2018/04/20,"DAE not dissociate? Don’t know if this is the right flair, but I was wondering if anyone else with BPD doesn’t dissociate? That’s the only symptom I don’t have. 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I'm dating a girl with BPD and I've read up on as much as I actually could on the topic of BPD. That said I will never have BPD so I don't know if I can fully understand the experiance.My questions are as follows: 1) Can you have more than one FP at a time? 2) How often do you change FP? 3) What do other people mean compared to your FP? I know this is all going to be anecdotal and things could vary a lot from person to person but I want to hear the individual experiances rather than a mash of impersonal statistics that tell me just about as much as this.",1.1251948051948055,3.3333140303030326,3.462900432900433,87.02863636363638,82.93939393939394,6.498701298701298,19.277056277056275,7.7094869923839395,0.6474419913419909,500,13,107,9,14,172,88,132,0.024,0.943,0.032,-0.2709,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,7,1,0,0,8,0,13,0,0,1,2,21,25,11,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,7,3,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,3,10,1,23,20,5,10,0,0,1,0,12,4,0,5,4,77,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.14618995433882348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.566029754484701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584758688659834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392172883382169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431469420063927,0.0,0.1465399238057558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513873095201056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884329840237106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465994251671046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736049523456694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631836648107498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202506619687384,0.0,0.11554034016942133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015130531964262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385726321413437,0.2616112669236273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356360943577817,0.0,0.14984747046529634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250069642571858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263616809537046,0.0,0.13093786033670818,0.13792209448433396,0.0,0.0,0.09952506807934072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747072518759647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595429796137456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836000902119527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Idkanymore_xxx,2018/04/20,"I know not to self-diagnose but... I've always known I was crazy, mad, obsessive, mentally-unstable, irrational, erratic but I could never put my finger on it. Why did I get mad so easily, even for no reason sometimes, get told I was ""causing drama"", to calm down (which made me even more pissed tbh) etc. One day I'd had enough and was researching 'mentally unstable' and came across BPD. Now I know self-diagnosing is wrong but I've never felt more explained by something in my life. Everything about BDP is me. However, now that I know this I'm scared to get diagnosed. What if I subconsciously describe BDP symptoms just so I can get this label, what if it's actually something else? I don't want to influence my diagnosis... idk what to do.",3.2695666305525464,5.506794169014086,4.957323943661971,78.97624593716144,75.61971830985917,9.439653304442038,27.824485373781148,9.851270322608157,3.063169447453955,580,24,110,18,13,196,93,142,0.229,0.7240000000000001,0.047,-0.976,1,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,3,2,0,0,11,5,2,4,2,24,25,9,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,7,1,0,2,5,6,0,1,9,2,15,1,12,15,4,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,5,70,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.1381999516858005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783855449357915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783644780890324,0.0,0.0,0.1619746854207097,0.0,0.1454819726812667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307144133217002,0.0,0.0,0.09133269543063738,0.0,0.0,0.4312216496881924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830470477647945,0.0,0.0,0.14633053452923614,0.15794289054603658,0.1870763478227199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727824333832047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359766814928278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959608359800772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334906957524727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002985903119696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400355129591007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427188870601576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21845098045747816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596486373276407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423664540316638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456081677593945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178556724175034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295479511503673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218050823260624,0.14006505185195126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719661781285667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532325499878642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835306983500653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778933873233073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548384097189294,0.0,0.0 bpd,lavalavva,2018/04/20,"Anyone else getting triggered by a certain type of female due to lack of own feminine identity? Hey gang, I sincerely hope you’re all doing well and keep putting in the good work! Today I (34F, diagnosed with bpd and in therapy since 2015) would love your side o’ things on above mentioned topic! I’m officially in remission (yay me!), so I feel mostly on top of my own self and rarely experience self-disgust anymore, except for one occasion. Please please please excuse my inapt eloquence in the following, since this is all very fresh and raw. Just very recently I started to be able to detect this highly conflicting pattern of internal rage rants and jealousy attacks morphing into glooming self-hatred in relation to perceived behavior by a certain kinda woman. Or the projection of such. I’d be lying, if I told you that this hadn’t been part of my package forever and it’s as engrained as they come. (‘They’ being symptoms) I am aware that a huge layer of my issue is rooted in the lack of a female role model, lack of “being seen” as a kid by mega-neglecting alcoholics and a never experienced affirmation of my body and person through my parents. My mom was literally the anti-role model. Continuous exposure to an ill person like her from birth on led me to mentally build a “hyper woman” as ideal image, that I ever since have been aching to live up to. Cutting to the chase: my current toxic pattern leads me to react strongly to simple female behaviors that I see in public: some pretty girls “fulfilling the female gender role” by wearing “typical” revealing clothes and enjoying life, getting attention. Or some woman in my work environment “playing dumb” and giving up responsibility so someone else takes care of their case. It’s kinda hard to give actually valid examples, cause I am conscious about the irrationality that goes into this. Ugh... :( My reactions to these situation are internally so so intense and rapid, that I fail to DBT most times. Probably my biggest obstacle so far. I experience hot rage about the superficiality of looks and female stuff being something that is of sufficient value and used like a token. I get disappointed by mankind about this being so crucial. I feel forced into participating or feeling insufficient and being rejected. I don’t buy all this bullshit that society comes up with to keep people occupied, including contemporary mechanisms of mating (I know, biological..). See how I loose my marbles and divert into rage and splitting about stuff? :,( I hate that I feel like this, feel like I’m unfree within myself. It leads me hurting. I’m not ugly, I had my share of hook ups and affirmation, but I just ceased to believe in this being important. Please r/bpd, any leads on how to deal with this? Would love your input. ",7.212376497005991,8.293401896207587,7.968632110778444,65.81696014221556,63.97005988023953,10.813398203592815,35.21712824351297,10.75352987622681,4.2294715069860285,2214,98,345,57,32,741,281,501,0.105,0.7709999999999999,0.124,0.8088,2,1,2,0,0,0,69.0,0,3,3,9,17,32,7,0,18,1,24,9,2,11,7,79,56,34,0,8,9,2,7,4,1,2,5,0,0,8,25,26,1,3,10,1,1,8,4,13,1,1,7,12,45,19,74,39,13,46,0,5,4,2,31,28,1,11,14,237,70,9,0.0850212127955615,0.0,0.08296843923107675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908618198765594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057817340202598114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431819721180954,0.059448808828318524,0.08711427985114126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672390361574944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578979206933487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443940075545026,0.21416248241471866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668479281187227,0.08734020571197516,0.0,0.14647649306141275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765313712329798,0.0,0.08629474130502532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420486272139026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690655452987916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16633412081141385,0.0,0.0,0.21494639895523115,0.12147834281838145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326022369359486,0.1631201890607121,0.0,0.0713117594887978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616230679672015,0.08394084563956439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982957930700959,0.0,0.08444524818560667,0.0,0.0,0.09101696674819708,0.0,0.0,0.0887400569540076,0.0,0.15114152084290364,0.0,0.0,0.04672543505563636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060052996973484186,0.16614827993828102,0.0,0.07507528855930748,0.0,0.07139640560865829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534699279955311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568138529526145,0.0,0.0,0.0995758168563862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557360069944815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761257415655425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440599522729516,0.0920696882008895,0.0,0.05894300378339661,0.14847448718406006,0.0,0.3733110410340049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649713909082768,0.0916672474034176,0.0,0.0,0.08546980187608566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394819060007966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355017977290681,0.0,0.26608700214986697,0.0,0.0,0.21099127742837734,0.09556740543138494,0.0,0.0,0.07203819769741536,0.06545348337066081,0.0,0.0,0.06017845201847913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19465789500794686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836959413554435,0.06392537100177671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972291665038924,0.0,0.056484315904301766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957655290357365,0.0,0.08059016846071675,0.08124141233018899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343102984122367,0.0,0.14030280939611822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644428094038765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123792911025852,0.0,0.0,0.12079326038440265,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,cigarettejesus,2018/04/20,"Explanation? I could just google it but I’d like to get a first hand explanation. My girlfriend was diagnosed with mild BPD, could anyone give me an idea of what it is and how it affects you?",2.0360526315789467,4.449416552631583,3.3307894736842094,88.10302631578949,80.84210526315789,6.957894736842108,22.657894736842106,8.07648339933343,1.1939263157894728,151,5,32,3,4,49,33,38,0.0,0.807,0.193,0.8364,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,2,0,9,6,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23198145210540946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178529783543761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5297830491100972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367397899394826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822035799385348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173336246818153,0.3182642265826812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745281955568005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208617129826472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,amazing_chandler,2018/04/20,"Anyone else get email regret? Usually goes like this: 1. Read email 2. Get angry over some unimportant detail 3. Send stroppy reply 4. Feel awful and worry that the complete stranger reading my reply now hates me 5. Too nervous to open inbox for the rest of the day I'm so sorry, Jess from Experian. ",2.059849624060149,4.807161350877196,3.7330827067669183,82.80157894736845,84.6140350877193,5.3624060150375925,22.177944862155385,6.868970318607317,1.0305208020050127,235,8,40,3,7,78,52,57,0.298,0.6659999999999999,0.035,-0.948,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,5,5,2,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,18,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814029368622334,0.2756944423022705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821152158261367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352816109660227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477380933676486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605008888578318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811563776919263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656513336794519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314542158166788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.538286468048509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012023057874382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963430533691389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732540722424258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,blank5,2018/04/20,"Broke up with a BPD girl. This is what I've learned As the title says. Well she's not really my girlfriend. We were exclusive but we never announced it to the world and our friends kinda knew but were never really sure and I was ok with that. The reason I never wanted to make it public was because I was in a relationship with a BPD before and this is my second one. I was wary of her when she got too close too soon and sure enough the BPD came out in full swing almost a year after after we met. I'm sure she cheated on me a few times. She was just hinting at it to me from time to time. At one point she did the whole ""I'm no good for you"" routine and at that point I kinda knew she started straying already at least emotionally. In the end I guess she broke up with me to save me from her demons and it hurt but I've mostly healed now. This is not a post to bash BPDs. This is a post about the lessons I've learned from being with BPD women: 1- Nothing is permanent. It sucks when she suddenly dumps me but I realised well what if she suddenly died of a heart attack or something? It would be the same loss and I would be just as powerless about it like if she dumped me on purpose. Which brings me to the next lesson.. 2- My feelings are my responsibility. It's not my fault that I get dumped for no reason but it's my responsibility to manage my feelings about it. It's also my responsibility to set clear boundaries and stick to them to protect my own feelings. She dumped me once and recycled me, and back then I told her that if she dumped me like that again, I won't tolerate it anymore. And sure enough she did, and when she did I went out with someone else. She wanted to meet up with me for another recycle and I said cool. She stayed the night and found out that I went out with someone else after she dumped me and flew into a rage and dumped me again this time for good. Funny thing is that she admitted to sleeping in the same room with her ex during the time that we weren't together anymore. Funny how she worded that and funny how it's ok for her to do it but not me. 3- It's not my responsibility to fix or help her. This I have to admit is the toughest one for me. She's someone I admire. She makes six figures a year in a challenging career and still has the drive to run a business on the side. We met when I was going through a divorce and she helped me heal in a big way. She basically helped my fuck it out of my system. The sex was amazing. She's very feminine when she's in the idealisation phase, and she wants to have a family of her own which for me is something I value in life also. But she can't have all then when she can't control her impulses and emotions. I feel sorry for her. I still care about her. But I had to walk away. After she went mental on me upon finding out that - like her - I was also seeing other people, I didn't contact her for almost a month. I'm quite a patient guy but I also respect myself and I was super pissed off at being dumped over text. I spend the whole month in meditation until I could accept her absence in my life and could truly forgive. I wrote her an email telling her that I'm not mad at her because I understand her illness and I don't want bad blood between us. I told her that she's a beautiful and intelligent woman, and that I admired her fighting spirit to be able to function despite her illness. I also told her honestly that it was hard being in a relationship with her but I can't be angry with her knowing how hard she has it too. I wished her all the success and happiness in the world and bid her farewell for the final time. She didn't write me back but she just PMed me via Whatsapp saying it's all good between us, to which I just said ok cool. I don't think I'll ever hear from her again, or if I actually want to. ",2.447880896226416,3.87231519748428,3.993399174528303,88.55660819575476,75.64150943396227,6.6291273584905674,23.365271226415096,7.231253607405505,0.7468054245283011,2982,87,651,33,64,993,298,795,0.126,0.7,0.174,0.9931,1,0,2,0,3,0,62.0,8,1,1,8,37,53,16,0,41,5,51,12,4,8,12,143,99,65,1,14,28,1,6,3,2,3,6,5,1,4,46,53,0,2,22,0,1,10,20,22,2,5,36,14,141,31,102,51,15,104,2,4,1,2,103,45,3,13,46,493,187,6,0.06293335645307396,0.0,0.06141387765239153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260373315664971,0.0,0.06944852378301153,0.2516389120916391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659911115014818,0.0,0.0,0.124825957808224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159577831969609,0.05912796002707516,0.09678373293630614,0.05254672391026157,0.0767271799349958,0.0,0.053551651080840965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170494374642533,0.0,0.0,0.0719789941448593,0.06416475119224854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058511059403944,0.10049432838791564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531488810269541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514548776924812,0.14158311082301345,0.05574027420758931,0.13005396072523975,0.0,0.0,0.056926823914458725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932796753866657,0.0,0.12728398383383582,0.0,0.0,0.06894041583618153,0.05751994766422686,0.0,0.0,0.06900317702714752,0.048622155082704434,0.05818087394627134,0.03288008126823299,0.0,0.03576647677205052,0.15835654061989618,0.05033355422704621,0.0,0.069328187302404,0.062313917256749986,0.0,0.06699372818530536,0.11275185202196013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093046657964294,0.07457633040918989,0.126548706756828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737145970165337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034586526857151974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890338164653779,0.09223817722904933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401700823589718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342202122128936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046560940320114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561425264491215,0.0,0.06693033855120675,0.059058691808726124,0.0,0.0603862528387341,0.0,0.0,0.06702197069996156,0.12793581318200864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04363006531599415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898472741327902,0.0,0.12054551819106908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669373712078105,0.0,0.0,0.08063343928906094,0.12941194393895214,0.0,0.1351337453588568,0.0,0.0,0.11972806716098053,0.10009426202290758,0.0,0.0,0.05014973708397246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297880617045784,0.0,0.15996968608868614,0.09689834488637612,0.0,0.07044874011943512,0.04454455361369376,0.06707858442945616,0.10051731951551096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372557746853657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550065274399568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041810125613722514,0.04032515367757202,0.0,0.0,0.22018167746660225,0.0,0.0,0.18040655712196046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551584353167088,0.15140215806649254,0.0,0.0,0.05192660998805791,0.18559862091532173,0.049953569045828414,0.0,0.0,0.11316929088716775,0.17501955580295284,0.0,0.1405256900002601,0.07237025406518716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941210155611241,0.0,0.0,0.08105403640927686 bpd,hwatsmyageagain,2018/04/20,"I can feel a reckless chain of events about to unfold Woke up this morning for the first time in ages not fully dreading the day ahead of me. That lasted for about 10 (great) minutes until things started to go wrong again before I even got out of bed I was a mess. I’m feeling the anxiety and just sent a stupid (crazy?) message to my ex I wish I could take it back which is making me feel so much worse and now I don’t know how to stop, rly trying to fight the urge to hurt myself ",3.1257142857142854,3.7281500588235335,3.859523809523811,93.345,72.92156862745098,6.220728291316527,22.414565826330534,5.288315135182226,0.011244817927170914,374,8,86,1,7,119,79,102,0.225,0.711,0.065,-0.95,0,0,0,0,1,2,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,2,1,7,0,5,0,0,2,0,14,18,5,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,4,3,10,1,18,13,1,18,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,13,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790466695730083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799690583101632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915826603456094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686889931583733,0.0,0.0,0.15094209524165675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458700620504195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550262737378109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199081765468656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301531049591542,0.0,0.18719018332567253,0.2580395968365325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25055405059581737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286270839087636,0.1907809868407575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562293723905286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205277704465713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566092510564426,0.0,0.0,0.1956752529789645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597554843424654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549160393478942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364757208283286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589037524793552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26914453655864706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385156934980076,0.0,0.25589559003665785,0.0,0.0 bpd,RRUINER,2018/04/20,"I want to love, and to be loved. That is all.",-4.978181818181817,-4.075288363636364,-1.6449999999999996,116.6525,114.45454545454544,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-3.2254,32,0,11,0,2,11,10,11,0.0,0.4270000000000001,0.573,0.8555,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9505413169480899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105981403269999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,Navikats,2018/04/20,"Aspiring writer, BPD holding me back? I’ve been writing for years and even finished a book of a series I created. I feel like my only chances of being successful is essentially working for myself as I can’t bare to work retail anymore and even though I’m in school, I don’t see myself pursuing work after I get my degree. All I want to do is write. I’ve been sending out queries to agents since I finished my book. I’ve gotten a lot of “no”s and I truly believe they aren’t reading past my crappyish query letter. I just can’t sell myself or connect to the agent on a personal level in one solid query email. I feel like if they just read my work it would be different. It’s been a struggle the past two years of sending out queries (20 something sent 13 no’s 7 no response) and while I’m aware that it just takes awhile and rejections are bound to happen, I’m believing less and less in myself. While editing I feel so encouraged and happy with my book, but searching for agents and reaching out to them just paralyzes me. I’m not afraid of the “no” so much as the feeling of not being heard because I can’t write a good pitch. I’ve struggled with BPD my whole life and now that I’m 31 I feel I have nothing going for me. No friends, no money, just a student of psychology who is delusional about becoming a therapist of all things if writing doesn’t become a full time thing. I feel I’ve found my calling when I write and I’ve never felt that about anything I’ve tried and there has been a lot of things. I’ve struggled finding my identity and it’s a daily thing, but when it’s me and the laptop, I’m somehow happy because I can create characters that are who I want to be or who I’m afraid I’d be. It’s the only outlet I have, but now it’s been months since I’ve last sat down and wrote. I love it so much, but I can’t do it. I don’t know why? My depression, anxiety, BPD? Probably. I’m so scared of not becoming anything that I’m not doing anything to become something. If that makes sense. It doesn’t to me, but I don’t know what to do. I can’t self publish because I feel like I need someone to hold my hand through this. I want an agent to be my advocate and advisor. I never feel like anyone gives me a chance. ",2.3287034108877336,3.7917786266094415,3.9806144115653934,88.36557714027559,76.03862660944206,6.965348994804609,25.997063474135985,7.669130373188453,1.3288334763948502,1744,64,374,24,38,584,197,466,0.07200000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.135,0.9728,2,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,3,5,21,19,0,6,19,0,36,3,1,1,4,74,74,36,0,8,19,0,10,4,1,1,1,1,0,2,25,20,0,3,13,5,3,4,22,8,0,2,12,12,53,11,42,55,10,33,0,2,1,1,25,10,0,8,23,244,78,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911312226372033,0.0,0.07663338937337594,0.05403061101128292,0.0,0.1907656349337363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059417653357898975,0.0,0.14131348860578635,0.3413648776330587,0.0,0.174118913268604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29196539027326224,0.0,0.07890369025286492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665545460839728,0.0,0.0,0.08073314007213843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207529265943664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125697015397605,0.2208134768879906,0.07419355637299717,0.0,0.07062551128766087,0.0,0.0,0.08472512329920205,0.05970041180617435,0.0,0.040371604026910736,0.0741266617189809,0.043915646859242805,0.06481236568753597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833166774604307,0.16451566798265324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493370533679903,0.0629872637542265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054579733109647414,0.1510054324126803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138834629076498,0.06974129629243471,0.0,0.0515798814539795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061678037959519434,0.0,0.11360810976834462,0.05729645485776413,0.11919437182443153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414488633364934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236173179854645,0.11753818059853745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753036835062547,0.0,0.06747121952694443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331264300403947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458648542492434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736308432106466,0.07820372507564978,0.061576043899985874,0.0,0.08061189445548339,0.0,0.0,0.12784094262149942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547259590992613,0.11897603228843966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24234545621362005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809917679466878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971913289378491,0.20534521454767868,0.0,0.07591967358388864,0.0,0.04505811803477714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246284095022416,0.0,0.0754838399835301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673166992029326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972626043683308,0.08627179881364992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502071121082046,0.0,0.0,0.05489204740386108,0.0,0.0,0.099521696312218 bpd,thisfightisnotover,2018/04/20,"I'm so embarrassed. The boy I'm seeing wasn't feeling well today when I saw him. He wasn't in a super good mood. My reaction was to have a panic attack and sob in a parking lot for 30 minutes. He's dealt with my stuff before, of course, but it was like. All I could do to not punch things and scream. I didn't go off on him. I just sobbed. I'm not sure why. I think I felt that not getting enough attention at that moment = abandonment. Im home now and he hasn't replied to my (cheerful!) message telling him I love him and I hope he feels better, blah blah. Logically I know he probably doesn't hate me but it's really all I can think about. I also feel bad for having a breakdown while he has his own shit to worry about. I feel so manipulative.",-0.17516118421052695,1.9634173062500049,2.2229605263157914,94.1238815789474,88.4375,5.368421052631579,18.421052631578945,6.8360192770164,0.05887500000000001,579,16,134,8,19,197,102,160,0.258,0.624,0.118,-0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,2,9,20,3,2,5,0,13,2,1,1,3,29,31,11,0,2,6,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,6,5,0,1,10,0,0,1,8,10,1,0,7,8,21,9,15,23,5,11,0,3,2,1,15,5,3,2,6,82,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422523945947388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023667727736383,0.0,0.0,0.14852427317801306,0.0,0.0,0.15136471814775154,0.0,0.0,0.15732242070756808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420245257137044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379994558391435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35977050098132995,0.0,0.1707948839213022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293614918293007,0.0,0.10109459869999056,0.14919921642004613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562192385712214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843042990491928,0.17667724019161266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921433865390548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775944875237333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690429654951957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151229152842647,0.16054570217532688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087065280353668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178718323617935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395594314027715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174914621101412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259360359999005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363265198724728,0.0,0.0,0.1676519432144317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547695270248005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817708234036794,0.22795956417688126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686116016726144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993753201239352,0.0,0.1605110893688019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064808937460208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,psych0kinesis,2018/04/20,"Breakdown over online quiz results Me and my partner have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. I like taking personality quizzes and sometimes send them to my boyfriend so we can share results. We've taken multiple quizzes about traits we like most in a partner and I've noticed that his results with these quizzes are pretty much the exact opposite of who i am while mine are pretty similar to who he is. Usually his results from these quizzes that he likes most in a partner are: outgoing, bold, exciting and a leader. I have none of these traits. I am extremely shy and on top of that, have intense social anxiety, so much so that it hinders me from leaving my home and interacting with other people because communication is so difficult and stressful to me. I even sometimes shake from simple interactions and online interactions. Im not very exciting either and often ruin something exciting or fun happening because of my fear and anxiety. He has also expressed that he would like if i would actually have sex with other guys since hes away and has fantasized about me becoming more outgoing and even slutty as well so its not just results from online quizzes. I dont think i could ever be outgoing. If i could be i would. We took another quiz today where he got the same results and i had a breakdown over this and told him what i thought. He reassured me that personality tests are fake and broad but theres been so many similar results even though theyre so broad and i feel like im not good for him or what he wants. I love him so much and hes the best person ive ever met. I want to be the best person for him and i feel like the opposite. Is this a silly thing to be so upset over :( i have a migraine from crying over it all day and i feel ridiculous. 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Like many of you, I have had BPD for a while. Fortunately with a lot of help from the internet, myself, and especially my best friend, I was able to recover fully from my BPD. It was a gradual, long journey but by the end of last year I felt happy, with no anxiety. It was a blessing. I felt great for finally achieving the feeling of normalcy that I'd always wanted and worked for until I had a falling out with my friend that'd helped me so much. She was my one true friend and I always saw her as my platonic soulmate. Now I feel EVERYTHING BPD related soon after. I was in shambles, but I'm now at a much more ""controlled"" state mentally than I was when this all just began. This happened during January of this year and I was wondering if I truly have relapsed or am I going through the grieving process of losing my friend? 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Sometimes there are fleeting moments in which I am happy but over all I seem to just be an unhappy person. I've been with a guy for 6 months and I have tried to let him get close but I keep thinking negatively about the relationship. Why can't I just be happy? There are so many people out there that have way worse problems than I do but still I can't seem to let go of the negative thoughts. I am on meds and went to DBT some yet nothing seems to help. Any suggestions on how to find happiness?",2.245104895104894,4.3338282735042775,3.7872416472416472,86.85447552447556,78.23076923076924,7.331468531468532,24.31157731157731,8.296473431620573,1.5104085470085469,456,16,95,9,11,151,81,117,0.153,0.716,0.131,-0.6029,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,4,0,15,1,0,1,2,26,25,7,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,3,1,10,5,18,18,2,15,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,4,5,68,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.12201869736529306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502988126603876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874292234538352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094212792450316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310370171545707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322278651242627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285642709693151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532700488842247,0.0,0.07106177092046342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238069195766081,0.0,0.6655244512554527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838100927781063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113919739828428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557189119343176,0.08831778121290483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267685390554997,0.0,0.0,0.13888862761471238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980384937403124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997698552530064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866853541792756,0.10917804219338084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964413244585215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424362871295448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414887074559648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236654207537853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985521887540334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011906935176218,0.0,0.09926591738526427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489234821909251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924905667443797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591114271925965,0.1128270195400746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742403494078494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,sweeneyclo,2018/04/20,"Advice on self-esteem,depression and BPD? Hi everyone, I'm gonna keep this sweet and short ; I'm (22F) in the middle of my first breakup, sick of being miserable and depressed and I realized that I have zero self-esteem. I really want to get well for myself but it's hard to keep it up because of said non-existent self-esteem. Does anyone have advice for dealing with this and BPD? I was diagnosed 2 years ago but been suffering of depression for at least 3. I'm sick of feeling like no one understands my feelings and struggle. It's up to me to fix myself and no one else. I am more than my past and diagnosis, I owe it to myself and the ones who love me to get out of this pit of despair. Any advice would really be appreciated :) TL;DR - Seeking advice to get better when you have no self-esteem, depression and BPD. 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Hi, does anyone on here use a DBT app to help them with mindfulness exercises? I'm trying to become more serious about practicing mindfulness and my therapist suggested downloading an app to remind me to do so. thanks!",5.687857142857144,8.680668023809531,6.766904761904763,65.24892857142859,71.14285714285714,12.771428571428574,31.92857142857143,11.698219412168324,5.548457142857144,195,9,29,9,4,65,35,42,0.035,0.81,0.155,0.758,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759095628381427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805044859103226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222624066789766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702395827701497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7693518774960169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23383360347052545,0.0,0.29489406670294016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243791841943734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193599344953782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 bpd,covermeinrain,2018/04/20,"I can't bond. At all. To anyone. But I'm so lonely. Maybe if you can't bond either, we could at least find solace in each other's shared alienation, and maybe that might feel like something resembling a connection? :( PM me if you want Can two desperately lonely people who can't bond make each other feel any less desperately lonely?",2.6437723214285707,5.3093452968750015,3.647589285714286,85.19562500000002,80.40625,6.1571428571428575,18.517857142857142,7.447530270364453,0.5754044642857141,265,6,49,4,7,85,47,64,0.272,0.644,0.083,-0.9335,0,6,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,1,16,11,5,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,5,2,4,9,6,3,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,3,1,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948575150104378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003559333242413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287794483146541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897671945066501,0.20470474710727166,0.0,0.0,0.2618930262992235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998932170948078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126815514464054,0.0,0.5757373324145052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039744215018346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986512559076071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205930448147951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27990864674174554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900914024546626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0