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ptsd,tomdbanks,2018/01/01,"Hallucinations occurring frequently (NSFW) (Marked NSFW due to potentially triggering content)

Just a little backstory. I've suffered from PTSD since I was 10 years old (I'm nearly 20 now) and diagnosed with PTSD when I was 18. For years, I would have nightmares where I would relive the experience, which seems pretty common. When I got to about 14, I would go about 2 or 3 days without sleeping to avoid these nightmares because I didn't know how to cope with them. When I would go 2 or 3 days without sleeping, I would often hear laughter, incoherent whispers that weren't real or the sound of someone hitting a metal object next to my head when I was alone. It was pretty easy for me to just write it off as the result of sleep deprivation and go about my day even if I found it horrifying. In more recent years, the nightmares have become a lot more sporadic and don't occur as often. I cope with the nightmares the next day with meditation when they do happen. Because I haven't gone several days without sleeping for a few years, I've been free of these hallucinations for quite some time.

The dilemma I'm in now feels a lot more serious than when I was deprived of sleep. About a month or two ago, I had experienced one of these flashback nightmares that I've been having for almost a decade. Early the next day, I began meditating. Everything was going as planned until about 20 minutes in. At this point, I was hearing a man speaking aggressively in French (much like Jacques Brel, but the voice sounded deeper). I'm not fluent in French, so whatever I was hearing is a mystery. The next day a similar thing happened after a nightmare except this time it sounded like a low-flying airplane was in my head. It was loud enough to scare me out of meditation and make my heart race. 

The nightmares have been less frequent since then. I have, however, been experiencing more straightforward hallucinations. Every few hours or so, I'll see a humanoid figure in the corner of my eye. Like someone is behind me watching me. More recently I've also been seeing shadow-like figures running around right in front of me. The other night I was in my girlfriend's room watching a show with her when I noticed in the other corner of the room a shadowy figure in the corner of my eye. I couldn't focus on it enough to make out any features, but I did my best to make sure I really saw something. When I finally glanced over, it was gone. She knew something was up, as I seemed distracted (or maybe she sensed my terror) and asked me what was wrong. I just said I thought I saw something. 

I'm afraid to come forward about all of this to anyone in my everyday life. I'm afraid people may think there's something wrong with me. I just need someone to verify that this is normal with PTSD and not another mental illness. I'd also appreciate any anecdotes or advice. Thank you in advance. This has just been scary. I felt like I was doing well for so long. ",5.745941145408287,6.682752179396098,6.147521482406031,78.08965244107341,67.17051509769094,8.502117037108155,31.20200662474197,8.605353355243054,2.442597177283856,2339,90,425,34,37,754,266,563,0.063,0.855,0.08199999999999999,0.8851,2,2,4,0,0,0,64.0,0,1,2,4,34,22,1,6,31,0,45,13,10,6,2,76,85,36,0,9,21,0,2,4,1,6,3,11,2,1,23,17,0,1,12,1,1,11,10,13,1,2,36,24,55,10,77,41,16,88,0,3,9,0,15,32,0,17,51,295,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418599594825354,0.05822522157197248,0.0,0.06577339800140447,0.06802918712552054,0.0,0.1050555171991178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933523381082742,0.06887577811105915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592803143350378,0.0,0.0,0.058473005890775226,0.061406009440761786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008115184075079,0.07254321456290443,0.0,0.0,0.06893168294284825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565812596600705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965268458395371,0.0,0.0,0.06666824229647703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573900389865196,0.0,0.04338389999761162,0.0,0.055341905862523307,0.0,0.05903286700993383,0.06425190747852119,0.0,0.0,0.03321198578172934,0.0,0.06306728584932837,0.07195400525888045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201950992707902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493197409115188,0.0,0.05253378271110274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616892444502025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482220566920328,0.0,0.22209314101386302,0.07783628232243152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646858630482843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360984062132655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046394805666155885,0.12836024092030227,0.06583298416766402,0.0,0.05812859123386905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116849871858418,0.0,0.0,0.13153446013742495,0.0,0.06598876774410879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619438529830375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242862912599859,0.0,0.048285562007172884,0.04870412032146364,0.0,0.0,0.27942424620912604,0.061640321855404835,0.06435672624716061,0.0,0.07478207869858512,0.06892468604722331,0.0,0.04450942195442024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553726447853442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209295083427897,0.0,0.0,0.13364921522798648,0.0,0.0,0.2303445039231428,0.0,0.0,0.06986340162709992,0.0,0.07476318130217416,0.042079082670703434,0.0,0.12971076166725876,0.0,0.0,0.056094084160886334,0.06248086749728798,0.0,0.06576150263687892,0.0,0.10468386075437087,0.11959314800125627,0.0,0.07420462997979994,0.0,0.10866956196336312,0.0,0.32865898003539884,0.0,0.16696243407406053,0.2022681161105481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190673153167665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060473333299926366,0.0,0.0,0.04363776983058695,0.0420878853802674,0.0,0.05214604446708048,0.07660215654431966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416407496782116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905812760825713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189952135957772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333014222333565,0.1436310717248122,0.0,0.16919429601078034
ptsd,dickrider42,2018/01/01,"Trigger Warning. something I wrote during an episode Just something i wanted to get off my chest this seemed like a decent place to post it. 

18-36-30, right left right
He pulled down on the lock
18-36-30
Do i go past the second number?
Damnit
Ok right left right
18-36-30
Dammit It's cold
18-36-13
Ok I did that wrong
18-36-30
Why the hell did this have to happen tonight
18-36-30
Is it so hard to keep the guest house unlocked
He threw a rock where he knew it wouldn't hit anything
18-36-30
What the fuck
Why did this have to happen tonight
18-36-30
Nothing
He kicked the door
18-36-30
He kicked it again and until he was sure his foot would bruise
Calm down
18-36-30
FUCK!
Ok maybe i need to not go past the zero after 36
18-36-30
Finally

He got inside and slammed the door on its hinges four times
He hoped someone would notice the sound
fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck
I want to hurt someone
I can't break that
I don't want to make this my dad's problem
He doesn't deserve that
He noticed the lock, he hadn’t remembered putting it down
Piece of shit
He threw it across the room. 
If it broke i'll say i had to break it to get in
It wasn’t broken
I want to break something
It's not okay
He picked up a chair, his headphones got caught on the legs so he removed them
fucking-
The chair was cheap and broke easy
-piece of shit
five screws scattered
He picked up the pieces of chair and arranged them in a pile
I’ll fix it
He went to the bench press and added weights to the bar
He kicked the bench press
Shit that hurt
Why is everything so hard
I want to fucking hurt someone
You don't
He screamed
I want to be happy
He screamed
Fuck
He screamed
No one came
He screamed
He started to cry but tears wouldn't come 
So he screamed
This is fucking exhasting
I'll have to tell the therapist about this 
I thought i was okay
Why can't I cry!
Why the fuck cant i cry
I deserve to to cry…
He huddled on the tile floor
It's been so long
He wailed
his eyes were dry
Why can't i cry
It would all be okay, id take it all
If i could cry about it
Fuck
Why won't you let me cry?
Why the fuck won't you let me cry?
I don't deserve this
His foot still hurt
I just want to cry
I want someone to love me, not so i can love them but so someone will hold me
I need to be told itll be okay
Thats enough
He left the guest house
He shut the door quietly 
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ptsd,xm1589,2018/01/01,"Advice on medications and therapy I have been struggling for PTSD for 6 years. It's destroyed me and the personalty I used to have. I'm a very angry, paranoid, and bitter person now. I'm not who I was 10 years ago and I honestly don't think I will ever be that man again.

For the last 4 years I've been self medicating with alcohol every day to feel calm and not so keyed up and paranoid. 

I was able to quit successfully on my own, I've been sober 16 days today. Not one drink (this was not easy at all)

But I'm struggling now more then I ever have, My PTSD seems worst then I remember it being before I started drinking to manage it. 

I'm angry, paranoid, anxious, depressed, and hypervigilant to the point of near exhaustion. I just feel like giving up and going back to drinking. I feel like these feelings will never go away and I can't function like this, I either need relief by using alcohol again or I need to see a doctor. 

The problem is I'm very paranoid of people and their intentions and I do not trust doctors at all, I also am apprehensive about telling them everything (or anything for that matter) because I feel like they won't keep things between us. I can't repeat the things that cause me hurt and pain to myself, Let alone another person who does not understand what I've been though and had to do. 

Deep down I do want to get all those things off my chest but I'm afraid to talk about them. I also don't like being stigmatized as crazy or weak because I am a man. I was raised in a very conservative household and I was taught not to cry, show weakness, or talk about trivial things like how I'm feeling or how things make me feel so talking about feelings is very alien to me. I just don't know if I can tell someone I don't know or trust everything.

I've considered just going to a psychiatrist instead of a therapist so I don't have to talk about anything. 

I just want relief from these feelings. 

If anyone has combat induced PTSD, Can you give me advice on what medications to ask for?

Any advice would be great.

Thank you",3.533918795620437,5.043006116788327,4.664317974452555,84.49786382299271,72.99026763990267,7.3759428223844274,26.22574513381995,7.972316293177498,1.5131562652068131,1618,55,324,23,32,531,195,411,0.138,0.7559999999999999,0.106,-0.7829999999999999,0,1,5,0,0,0,38.0,1,2,4,2,25,29,2,4,11,0,40,15,1,8,6,75,80,35,0,8,22,0,9,6,0,4,11,0,0,5,20,15,5,2,16,4,0,3,16,14,0,1,11,11,44,15,46,60,7,37,0,2,1,0,23,14,0,9,26,223,64,5,0.07145190666528949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20946592872008885,0.06333780409742695,0.15272071662560882,0.0,0.07400262653766404,0.0,0.1142801278907383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858974672267902,0.07492355414506542,0.0,0.08072031655513721,0.0,0.04996083447994997,0.0,0.1175976621770536,0.0,0.06679788743364608,0.0,0.06713141836497713,0.054942105762622734,0.0,0.08711283822107997,0.0,0.06080030989056678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340079047878534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848656434876138,0.09216113746071262,0.0,0.061541422511309375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626810829689704,0.06252804502869687,0.0,0.0,0.20998699952104896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926468055522242,0.06020131306097148,0.0,0.12843273293044785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251540780959532,0.15313576919534647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733067216392149,0.13708635928325447,0.12182329550315785,0.0,0.0,0.07877597934587117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649074388867619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350973766091016,0.0,0.0,0.07853619854890298,0.058242840491156266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306441558004544,0.0,0.2094467545286804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769470253222891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159408365303409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596136685698046,0.05510811529059401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04841766114627908,0.0,0.07602986642586064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953575544764429,0.12477809774322587,0.0,0.0,0.06754514709594249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683698248879073,0.2505703657369313,0.0,0.0,0.07599789792757346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809410815350078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693791870269431,0.06504713228214125,0.07453992173371081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054096864729864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050574027298637234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493940934374927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297213441097578,0.1249042315914648,0.06578331579098505,0.08171148236717092,0.0829611707936262,0.2373473592849989,0.0457834966895778,0.07020113551750166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772805286653945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438395472539594,0.08594784607711824,0.12342301216444435,0.0,0.2358212241915393,0.08428837161250925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05075738443966845,0.0,0.0,0.13803805574899725
ptsd,JugglaJay,2018/01/01,For those of you hearing gunshots instead of fireworks Headphones and loud music. Helps me.,5.870000000000001,9.653480333333334,3.855,80.7825,79.0,3.0,40.833333333333336,3.1291,2.740333333333333,75,5,9,0,2,21,14,15,0.0,0.843,0.157,0.3818,0,0,0,1,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8594931398812615,0.0,0.5111472806315712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tigalicious,2018/01/01,Fuck this loud fucking holiday. That is all.,1.1762499999999996,2.5267241250000008,2.1950000000000003,86.45000000000002,120.25,6.6000000000000005,29.0,7.1686216300943375,3.00255,35,2,6,1,2,11,8,8,0.28,0.48,0.24,-0.1298,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,paranormalgoatlol,2018/01/01,"What have been your most successful coping mechanisms? Hi everyone.

I'm a little bit tipsy. Realised alcohol helps me open up to myself - obviously this isn't healthy. But I am thinking about things more than I usually can bare to do, which is good. 

Diagnosed with PTSD 1 year ago, no therapy since (for complicated, various reasons) 

Given it's 2018 and I want to do better for myself... what has helped you? 
Any advice for dealing with PTSD? Complex PTSD? 

Thank you everyone, happy 2018, I hope we can all stick together and try as hard as we can to do the best for ourselves. 
Life is more than how we know it. 

I love you! 

",1.4849684873949585,4.18517293277311,3.1761712184873967,85.53803834033616,88.57983193277313,7.008613445378153,23.403886554621852,8.07648339933343,1.8625836134453788,485,19,92,12,16,160,86,119,0.044,0.7140000000000001,0.242,0.9812,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,3,4,0,3,2,8,0,0,2,0,13,4,0,2,2,19,21,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,8,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,15,8,16,19,7,6,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,2,3,64,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551054344542636,0.14070122547287955,0.16963006762333008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793927902491814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657338524642687,0.14038045125629245,0.17328793289797487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363977298519722,0.0,0.1611037817974147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033394287305053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331320306027033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896702282156306,0.14218752463717066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127816916779221,0.0,0.0,0.1576509603225412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872317846922399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121130299991246,0.0,0.15908538085127313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325661922354685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5566274048930298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319699975819535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129997728687248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461337865964481,0.1815172765791164,0.0,0.10545065396578164,0.10170535878933026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776469077772266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481451713859653,0.0,0.0936208426230813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221448776417023
ptsd,poligirl17,2018/01/02,"Seriously struggling I have severe C PTSD due to unrelenting traumas throughout my life.

I have a bunch of debt, no sense of self, university dropout and no idea what I want in life. 

The only thing I want to do is travel but I don't make enough. I want to backpack Europe but even for that I'd need a good few thousand. 

Today, I got fired from my job. I wasn't the best employee but I spoke french and English which most others couldn't and I we had occasional french customers, I was early, I was fast on the cash register, I followed the dress code and didn't stand around talking for 40 mins where most others barely did that... managers included.. 

There were 4 managers and I had no problem with the first 3. The 4th one was a narc that totally triangulated the other 3 against me and I noticed a shift in their attitudes towards me after she decided to have a vendetta against me. She would constantly minimize me, be passive aggressive, push only my breaks back but no one else's and nit pick me to a T. Other employees agreed that they saw this happening. 

Today I woke up feeling amazing after a deep sleep meditation on YouTube- only to get fired as they told me right before my shift. This really shook me and made my PTSD worse and I've felt like crap all day today... It was the only thing that helped me build motivation, my job. It's this constant cycle of me barely surviving and then other people tearing me apart. 

Ive suffered severe attachment traumas. I have never had parents there for me, never had true friends, never had a boyfriend or a true love interest in my life. I've been used by narcissists sexually, mentally and emotionally. My mom has used my mind against me. I can't find real friends. I can't even connect to my
True self it seems. 

I just don't know what to do. I'm in this trance like fog state and I can't think right. I need to get away from the narc mom I live with but I don't make enough and now being fired I definitely don't make enough.

I guess I should look for a new more full time job but it's really hard keeping a job because I keep a) attracting narcissists who can't be pleased or b) my depression and PTSD gets perceived as bitchiness/ laziness, despite that I do try. 

I guess being on meds would help but I don't know the necessary steps to obtain them without family doctor  ( I live in Ontario Canada) 

I was on risperidone for a bit when they thought I had schizophrenia but I don't have schizophrenia and risperidone just made me twitch/feel foggy/anxiety seared through the roof that I thought I was literally about to die/ and so on and I've read awful things about risperidone anyway. 

It appears I also have super low self confidence/internalized hatred for myself there for I feel guilty when I embrace myself as if I always owe people something and I seek my confidence in external circumstances that always come crumbling down due to narcissists. ",3.4488266583229006,5.679095799645393,4.309820609094704,83.8602941176471,75.04609929078015,7.402252816020026,27.193575302461408,8.313332769828598,1.9682019607843133,2317,91,438,42,51,745,274,564,0.171,0.71,0.119,-0.9839,10,0,1,0,0,0,55.0,1,0,5,7,19,25,2,2,24,1,47,7,2,9,8,86,88,37,1,11,14,3,7,2,2,3,4,1,0,3,29,23,0,2,14,2,3,7,21,11,0,4,27,10,78,14,55,53,13,57,0,3,2,1,23,23,1,9,26,300,107,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790149733325346,0.12049194933045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538890457425465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445496028990025,0.0,0.0,0.06802599390076924,0.05567424974076615,0.0,0.044136840438019714,0.0,0.06161051874837716,0.0,0.07598358967720198,0.0,0.0790464765415619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062369683052632775,0.0,0.15648612480157809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669462620844275,0.0,0.06236150724000005,0.0,0.07514397888357469,0.0,0.0,0.07410861922197047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604842980073136,0.08144481755237272,0.0,0.2244382336634371,0.0,0.0956443921077165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825610009346379,0.0,0.1098289984634335,0.0,0.06951924812285988,0.0,0.06617599536983074,0.061586852949092025,0.0,0.0,0.11187838794315737,0.0,0.1134843924998636,0.0,0.0,0.060729086890100877,0.05790813772849952,0.0,0.1595224609279662,0.0,0.06402666750201624,0.0,0.06485981246802795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706182489692154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173536604344045,0.0,0.0,0.28739941335143704,0.1287121032739705,0.0,0.0,0.07958275117071699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342337774402748,0.07074592887164488,0.0,0.12786821570245455,0.0,0.06080117151688288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06534748728028654,0.13702093667252974,0.14499080859204985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042458376346373,0.0,0.07296625871750545,0.0,0.07310745636876828,0.16959751035098725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737338002217227,0.16752741440347402,0.06992828835303003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243249751718205,0.0,0.0,0.0981257242002387,0.22026618861238847,0.0,0.0,0.08039613561919573,0.0,0.0,0.10039171166118098,0.0,0.0,0.0794779108330282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692809031016669,0.2539094001956413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242364945190485,0.08241166686350357,0.0927677844248982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366533623538735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659139331725481,0.2265996630811521,0.16359194831231674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245634522935555,0.0,0.0,0.05574017956324645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569243981810281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819563750435969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443061124730388,0.04639359546417605,0.0,0.114961465524087,0.0422193872451816,0.0,0.20589173698795984,0.06918517820682278,0.0,0.04915760121961426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506771459923882,0.0,0.0,0.12811736425808226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979492612944586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07378591859948742,0.10286752785528046,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,skydiver89,2018/01/02,"My startle response is extreme and I need some tips on how to cope.. So I live with my mom (no job because of an eating disorder and flashbacks, but am getting help for the flashbacks soon and already for the ed) and sometimes when I take a nap, she knocks on the door and opens it and it scares the hell out of me. I'll scream at her and swear. It's like I can't control it. I'm always on guard. 

Any tips? I've told my mom about my assault and I said please not to barge in my room like that because my mind thinks she is my attacker and she really invalidated me like ""oh come on, I'm not your attacker, you are safe here!"" :/ so if she won't stop, I need tips on how to stop being a bitch...",1.5320246085011178,2.7312340536912743,3.19075503355705,94.30188199105149,77.59060402684564,6.3089485458612975,23.154921700223714,6.816661863887847,0.4120733780760624,530,16,129,5,12,176,91,149,0.205,0.6559999999999999,0.139,-0.9297,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,1,8,12,5,2,7,0,7,1,0,3,0,29,17,16,0,3,4,2,0,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,5,13,1,5,1,1,0,1,5,8,0,0,2,2,22,4,17,13,1,15,1,0,0,0,12,10,2,2,7,80,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411964928968536,0.0,0.13882994608182886,0.0,0.0,0.11346158028805015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796247602333954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20341658383923414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372378874195152,0.0,0.0,0.18713293097854586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122094649231072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072598221449833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717059344037932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183392742769896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556975499709192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24453883131619206,0.0,0.14732882645019393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846775709505152,0.39081803138676185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474296522205036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831477395288065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688636528336626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587095631052427,0.0,0.1670428047929447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501580217206835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789828771435796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544806781055545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690872531524484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942931645620928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,stargives,2018/01/02,"How to know which therapist is good or not? I'm finally able to afford EMDR therapy, barely.

I found a place in my area that seems pretty good, but has no reviews online.

Hell, most therapists / centers in my area, especially for PTSD, have either no reviews or little reviews online.

Being broke, I don't want to have to throw down $XXX amount of money for someone that isn't good or that I won't work well with. Maybe I just have to get over that aspect of finding a therapist and figure I might need to see two or three before I land a good one?

Anyone have experience with this?",4.375775862068963,5.323279336206899,5.527068965517246,81.26232758620691,70.29310344827587,8.213793103448278,25.70689655172414,8.472884824447931,1.6617275862068972,457,13,89,7,8,152,77,116,0.159,0.731,0.11,-0.7959999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,3,0,11,0,0,1,0,21,19,7,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,1,1,6,2,1,3,1,1,8,5,16,15,3,12,1,1,1,0,0,10,1,7,1,61,14,4,0.15051187255568788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524140086628407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807451782166154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722949232345495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487839942254742,0.13756512476342075,0.0,0.0,0.1650284995428733,0.0,0.0,0.07863624126189793,0.0,0.0,0.5049688708491407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271738893108511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085243718847344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512094061528573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966931158759345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160264637103033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199074012161233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725287200160498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312468438405888,0.0,0.0,0.17594032459108633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993847558905198,0.13702035594410053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275282211869467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212344350719005,0.5242676542161522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470282292564529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877580206149603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532824917679226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957443580829124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Shenanigansandtoast,2018/01/02,"Rough night after college orientation NSFW 

I need to vent to someone who understands. 

I have C-PTSD from prolonged childhood trauma. It’s been a terrible struggle to keep my shit together and live as normal of a life as I can.  Several years ago I attempted to go to school to get my degree. 

There, I was raped and beat up at a party. This triggered a downward spiral that led to a suicide attempt that got me kicked out of school. I lost my job, my relationship and ended up homeless for a while. I was a wreck and unable to keep even a simple restaurant job. 

I’ve spent the last few years clawing my way out of this pit. I forced myself to get through a shitty retail job even if it meant vomiting and crying every day before work. It was fucking hell. I only made it due to the kindness of some wonderful people. Sheer gratitude that someone cared enough to try to help me gave me what I needed to make it. 

Today, I have a career I am proud of. I am almost entirely out of debt. I am in a healthy and stable relationship. Until tonight I felt like I was finally moving on with my life. 

Today, I took a big step and decided to go back to school and take one class. Part of enrollment involves watching a graphic video about sexual assault, harassment and domestic abuse. 

I was completely taken off guard by how upset this video made me. I started sobbing in the middle of Starbucks. It was humiliating. 

My partner was really sweet and made me feel a bit better with a mix of r/corgi videos and hugs. But I just can’t shake it. I’m shaking right now. I am having flash backs and intense hyper vigilant reactions. 

I feel like someone just kicked me off a ledge and I am so angry. I’m angry that this is the establishments response to the nightmare I went through. I am angry that I was dismissed and discarded in my time of need. I am angry that I am forced to relive it as part of the price of admission to get my life back. And most of all, I am angry at myself for being so fragile. I am scared that everything I have worked for could be gone in an instance and I could be back on the street. I don’t know what to do. ",2.5809758513931875,4.547421228235296,4.2367832817337465,84.60726160990714,76.71764705882353,7.014860681114553,25.301857585139324,7.94452939551167,1.5470705882352949,1662,60,326,27,38,557,222,425,0.209,0.696,0.094,-0.9951,4,0,0,0,1,1,41.0,0,0,0,8,14,23,6,5,24,0,33,8,1,7,1,53,68,26,1,7,4,0,5,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,22,21,0,3,8,3,4,10,2,15,0,1,22,7,50,8,62,41,8,54,1,2,1,3,7,20,4,5,25,231,72,11,0.0,0.10688243700794424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996447880055371,0.0,0.09033087978243846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774593729050044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676087228778479,0.0,0.0,0.0797821737569705,0.0984844246383826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197367723005287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945819981790415,0.0,0.0,0.1440484495125367,0.0,0.09908990847457856,0.05817708261069519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989804204684248,0.0932095954864249,0.0,0.1191638557306681,0.0,0.07600463405116872,0.0,0.08107367074106685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912243547131741,0.06444504007218038,0.08661440018864035,0.09881910919010277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339639477855866,0.14139080689964695,0.0,0.10253524962428767,0.0,0.07214805612585252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604649213826671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26855434078496976,0.16036309256957296,0.0,0.09393837261400767,0.04957628602248112,0.07353204693637773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115100057942727,0.08814272824378844,0.0,0.0796558442827717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847334036773298,0.0,0.0,0.25607266829618475,0.060214939306556574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587746295549368,0.0,0.20066559603201314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846546578474248,0.08838527244250682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112768027683031,0.06860770334707669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537424063844444,0.0,0.06253928317864561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544902308368162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778993747596006,0.0,0.0,0.19370054816054694,0.0,0.0770376493660068,0.0,0.0,0.09031454310567286,0.2738877500045267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191003830853483,0.09259782899224747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22930035574876675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385010960531218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430561248409014,0.0,0.09867356420743777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782563871483982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05260135863539176,0.0,0.17101440521425307,0.0,0.10022507101738372,0.06124571624860822,0.0,0.0,0.0939103313653071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160338582385421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836242736355255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782737593797312,0.13134586670548046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618275835846095
ptsd,heyrainyday,2018/01/02,"Triggers and flashbacks 🙁 The fact that I didn’t even think of this until the evening of New Years Day is progress, I suppose. 

For my first job after college, I worked with a nonprofit in a third world country. Several of my American peers in this location discovered that I had never been in a relationship and never been kissed. There were good reasons - I’d spent much of my teens in the hospital, plus I was very committed to waiting for the right guy. 

Anyway, they decided that, this New Year’s Eve, they were going to get me my first kiss. “Everyone should get a kiss on New Years!” they said. “Go to the porch on XYZ building and we will arrange for the cutest guy we can find to come and kiss you!”

I stupidly got swept up in their excitement, and I agreed. 

On New Years Eve, I went to the porch on XYZ building. I waited. 

And up wandered a creepy old guy we worked with. He was easily old enough to be my grandfather. He was not attractive in any way. 

I turned and ran. I got back to my bunk, and when I entered my cabin, my friends (who had all been waiting there) burst out laughing. They just thought this had been the funniest thing imaginable. 

Then they got pissed at me for being angry at them. Why couldn’t I enjoy a harmless prank?

It’s been several years since then. I’ve grown, my ptsd has improved, my life is better... but man, when I remember that night, I still get so angry at them. 

They taught me that I’m not worth respecting, and that no one will ever want to kiss me. Those are hard lessons to unlearn. I can’t understand why they would do that. ",2.8209312849827306,4.715085102893891,3.471997141836372,90.6858258901989,75.78456591639872,7.1797546742884375,25.023341669643926,8.045849151850463,1.3235972609265212,1221,42,259,20,27,384,171,311,0.078,0.805,0.118,0.7575,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,3,1,10,7,12,16,2,0,14,0,28,7,1,2,6,44,51,17,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,4,1,1,2,4,15,17,0,3,9,0,2,7,8,2,0,4,23,2,44,14,38,21,3,54,0,0,0,5,24,18,1,0,28,175,59,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081834821815088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007675363987497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921028171569892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970685312613665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716128365644795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760381581622504,0.0,0.13756615418271498,0.09420002960825323,0.0,0.09950963859584748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518150496464184,0.17716180367127773,0.0,0.0,0.08045782521242185,0.0,0.1632255806319088,0.0,0.11836961696555574,0.08734716951403049,0.24986932200544426,0.0,0.0,0.3093430713478389,0.0,0.0,0.09328842774378253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334226382190542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355672253876279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655442535414604,0.0,0.1606374168019173,0.4023138413163763,0.0,0.09772775177772887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21855351843171167,0.0,0.07056753776749414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173336016193614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707262510402084,0.0,0.11180671903465614,0.11796961465996875,0.08893445991300343,0.099060396276901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235295710377224,0.0,0.08614516973372092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316584189495277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918557544428736,0.06672830854032309,0.0,0.08267503375182989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327373902751225,0.0,0.10841276530316968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592589331316784,0.061424103377858384,0.08266099106856696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653824685199076,0.18793918183198596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516294151416776,0.0,0.0,0.07397762631706112,0.0,0.0,0.33531172585245184
ptsd,Faqoffgoddamnit,2018/01/03,"Body Armor Does anyone else get ""body armor""? Or your body locking up?",1.3846153846153868,4.071303230769232,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,93.6153846153846,2.6,14.192307692307693,3.1291,-1.054353846153846,54,1,9,0,2,17,10,13,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843911527340448,0.2702005775714791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8787622651497844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23077313301631666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029465882067653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777683548109332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IcyContour,2018/01/03,"Sleep Paralysis and PTSD: Unwelcome Truth Realized Hey everyone,

I was diagnosed with PTSD because I grew up in a very abusive home with drug addicts and alcoholics. My family is very twisted so I avoid them at all cost but my mother recently revealed that I ""may have been"" (her words) sexually assaulted by my uncle, who molested her. I witnessed him attempt to molest her when I was younger, so I don't doubt this.

He was a very abusive to my family (we lived with him on/off till I was 15) because he was a mean drunk and would cut phone cords and start physical fights with my grandparents and my mom. I remember he used to tie me up with duct tape and cover my mouth and would keep me in his room. I don't remember if anything happened but after my experience with sleep paralysis - I'm kind of messed up and feel like I do remember now. 

I hope I am making sense because I am on high-alert right now.

I felt my mind wake up but I couldn't move my body. I felt like something was in the room and it was trying to confine/take me with blankets. I felt it actually trying to confine me. I felt its hands touching me. At first, I thought it was little gremlins, but then I thought of my uncle, and I attempted to scream for help. I kept trying to move my body but I was stuck.

It's been 4 hours since that happened and I am terrified and I feel violated and sick. I'm not sure what is going on. But I feel alone, sad, scared, and like I don't want to try anymore. I just feel so sick and confused and like an epiphany exploded in my head. 

I don't know what I am expecting but I don't have anyone to talk to who will understand.   

",2.2744423734078936,4.047182936936938,3.877465051258156,87.71513513513516,76.98798798798799,7.7162265713989875,26.19747333540437,8.53829466247534,1.783415739877809,1270,49,273,26,29,423,166,333,0.225,0.705,0.07,-0.9955,1,2,3,0,1,0,38.0,1,0,1,3,7,22,6,4,5,0,30,15,8,2,3,72,56,30,0,7,10,2,10,4,0,4,6,1,3,0,12,24,2,4,18,1,1,4,7,14,0,1,19,11,58,8,35,32,1,30,0,1,0,0,20,16,0,5,14,175,70,0,0.0,0.2155248433856491,0.08875535193125281,0.09915034528310572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719928294417636,0.0,0.09419812052192096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019925331968684,0.06359526584266327,0.0,0.07484517288864266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632921054996894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205278845566227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231365812501788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054746364550918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690786773360358,0.0,0.0889678266073908,0.17148158818645262,0.0,0.18395084648989046,0.06497562909941036,0.3493100561359981,0.0,0.0,0.07736313194465043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051689721518841526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608558738998782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334227642045817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096274128908711,0.09609504528613212,0.09123157271381813,0.09033516589074493,0.0895687127974063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084169714507597,0.0,0.09471178620315293,0.049984457595419585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773685024523106,0.0911570994594018,0.08031166693233234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071070106006925,0.0,0.0,0.09907263235161534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183488881742218,0.10652106693625983,0.0,0.19333368293389733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212634412364596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980343935301076,0.0,0.3090902895073096,0.07767191588816913,0.0,0.0,0.09105812097477632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523585777970525,0.0,0.18203397406388885,0.0,0.0,0.07001875659622446,0.0,0.0,0.06437580044988403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572052679652625,0.0,0.0,0.07310321224847066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441035058638185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24699985838724986,0.0,0.0,0.0946835140851899,0.0,0.07855272386262954,0.0,0.2251330507172844,0.05364543502865133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921839238751673,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hanna1kj,2018/01/03,"How is it discussed in counseling? My counselor doesn't like to talk about labels too much. I can appreciate that considering I've had periods of wondering if I'm a hypochondriac or munchausen while spending years jumping hospital systems trying to get a diagnosis for my pain and nausea.

Part of my trauma, though, was not having a label. Being a sick, non functional adult while being told I'm normal, healthy. Burying the physical strain and mental toll to the point where the pain has manifested itself in a physical form (fibromyalgia pain).

So I'm out here again, searching for what is the norm, what I should expect. How do you and your counselor address how your life is influenced on a daily basis by this? 

Am I just not ready? 

I guess I just feel like things aren't being addressed and I don't know how to change the track, yet again.",5.8736536248561535,7.258938689873418,6.1434637514384365,76.60021288837748,67.16455696202532,9.289758342922902,30.81933256616801,9.573946990214177,2.9333088607594937,675,26,118,14,11,216,106,158,0.134,0.831,0.035,-0.9242,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,0,15,7,0,1,11,0,17,5,0,5,0,23,26,14,0,4,6,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,2,1,7,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,3,1,12,2,14,19,3,15,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,4,9,88,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192458426818875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129382656840567,0.14311714745015727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466514793840448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22068817047961892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009717161729972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150034357198188,0.1957440917190296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018874339003607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726699498959905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962827248521967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6395017894875136,0.0,0.0,0.21693992256112454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18937839592801656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101919060202624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330916109052158,0.0,0.19682507194404195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914257128927403,0.0,0.13601220812688058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172513970213313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900717371368128
ptsd,dumbfuckingcoward,2018/01/03,"I feel like such a child [Rant] [NSFW] **Throwaway because I'm scared of friends knowing from username, potentially triggering rant (SH).**



**Background**: I was the victim of an armed robbery in mid-2016 at 1 AM walking less than 3 blocks from my home and was held at gunpoint.  I had been walking home from a friend's place and was with another friend at the time, we even made sure to walk on a well lit and well used street but as we were stopped at an intersection the two men approached us and had asked for directions to the metro station (the direction we were headed), I had a horrible feeling immediately and told them that we didn't know but that a stop was just up the road the other way (which is true).  After about 15 seconds of silence my friend and I started to turn around when they rushed up to us and pulled out a gun.  I'm only like 5'7"" and the taller man of the two was easily 6'2"" and he grabbed my left shoulder and held the gun to my stomach and demanded our bags and wallets.  We gave them everything (I was able to hide my phone which later let us call 911) and after handing it all over they kept the gun on me and I was sure I was about to be shot.  Luckily they took of running and once they rounded a corner we ran away too.  It was absolutely the worst thing to ever happen to me.  The police never were able to find the suspects and the robberies in my area have unfortunately gone up this past year, I also only went to therapy for about 2 weeks following the incident but I was just so sick of retelling the story and felt like nothing was helping so I stopped.

Fast forward and now I feel like such a child because I can't seem to get over it.  I literally just last night was less than 50 feet outside of my apartment smoking and suddenly felt like I was going to be ambushed and even though I knew there are guards on the property and knew nothing was going to happen I just started crying and had to run up to my apartment.  I can't even walk at night anymore without feeling anxious and I'm constantly on alert and just fucking despise myself for it.  I go to university and avoid studying on campus because I don't want to have to walk at night back to my car so I can drive less than a mile home since I will never walk home at night again.  I feel like such weakling like I'm pathetic and scared of the dark and I fucking hate myself for not just calling an uber that night.  I've literally been startled by my own shadow I'm such a coward and I can't bring myself to admit to my friends or those around me how often I'm scared by the most childish things once it gets dark out.  To make matters worse the realization that I likely have PTSD has just worsened my depression since I blame myself for letting it get this out of hand because I should've been fucking staying in therapy like my parents wanted me to but I just wanted to stop talking about it so bad that I decided I'd just completely stop talking about it like it never happened.  Obviously that's unfolded as well as it always does and I feel so dumb because I did this to myself I could've taken steps to prevent this and I just fucking couldn't because I was too weak to let therapy hurt for a bit.  

Another episode that just fucks with my to today was in October when I went to a party I lost my wallet for a short time.  I was sent into a horrible panic attack and felt so embarrassed and stupid and blamed myself for letting this all happen.  One thing led to another and the negative thought spiral just had me back thinking about the robbery and how all I do is make life harder for myself and those who care about me by doing stupid shit like walking home at night or losing my wallet and it ended in a night of cutting it was ridiculous.  And of course my friends found my wallet the very next night and it was like nothing happened and all I could think was that I deserved it because I am just this stupid burden who can't keep his shit together.

I know therapy has to be my next step but my family has a medical emergency at the moment with a cancer diagnosis and I feel like I'm going to dissappoint them by revealing how bad I've let my mental health deteriorate to the point of this just constant anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideations.  I feel like therapy is just going to do nothing for me unless they drug me up and then I'm just lying to myself that things are getting better everything is still going to be as bad I'm just going to be paying for someone to pretend to care about me and give me pills.

Sorry this rant has basically no fucking point but I'm just so done with myself and I hate myself for letting this happen and doing this to myself and just need to vent.

**TLDR: Got robbed at gunpoint mid-2016 and still am not over it.  Haven't felt safe at night since, constantly vigilant, can't study on campus because I don't want to walk at night, and just basically haven't felt safe since.  The past few months my depression has just crept up and gotten so bad I want to just kill myself every day for being the pathetic child I've become.  Feel like I've let my mental health deteriorate and getting help isn't going to do anything but let my family know I'm a disappointing liar who can't keep his shit together and hasn't been honest about anything I've felt since then.**


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ptsd,Typicaldrone,2018/01/03,"Someone loves you I tried to take my life again yesterday. Took a few bars and chugged it down with beer before someone stopped me. I remember being carried to the car, a nurse putting me in a wheelchair and trying to rip out my IV. I got sick of being so scared of everything. 

My therapist tells me I have abandonment problems because of my trauma. That I’d rather snap at people and drive them away than be abandoned again. 

I have trouble believing most days that anyone cares about me. This condition has made me believe that I’m somehow unlovable and alienated from the rest of the world, and that any emotional interaction I have with another person is them taking pity on me. I think a lot of us feel that disconnection. 

Maybe someone is in the spot I was last night and if so, I just wanted to let you know that I love you. Someone cares. Love languages are a strange thing and it’s not always obvious, but there’s a strand of hope out there in ways that we cannot yet fathom. But it’s there. Even if it’s this post you’ve read. 

Keep going. Someone loves you. ",3.6986134453781503,5.463435690476191,4.1743137254901965,87.13676470588237,73.04761904761905,7.4173669467787136,27.59103641456583,8.124751697461798,1.733078431372549,845,32,169,13,17,266,129,210,0.101,0.7959999999999999,0.104,0.6838,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,2,4,2,0,13,15,0,1,10,0,13,9,0,1,1,35,32,13,0,6,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,14,12,2,4,4,3,0,5,2,8,0,0,4,1,28,7,24,24,4,25,0,3,0,4,15,10,0,6,8,117,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564947505735692,0.0,0.0,0.07817146732401288,0.12053744997020575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803772812877608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800141657628938,0.0,0.0,0.07007382056719759,0.0,0.09781589241505408,0.2590236276689017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344029464184033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413468716632919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930580156292618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592487255886053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331166411410993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812330814065375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533000894256433,0.0,0.0919378100538432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141735150056708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021748355810886,0.0,0.0,0.06317474665650269,0.09370142076058732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754645702645287,0.08119416898411409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772828652207192,0.4149955504519097,0.10877059203890524,0.0,0.0,0.11548497902594115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787489325801516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969341166659036,0.10037186493436068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11009247334591604,0.0,0.0,0.10999377219801347,0.0,0.11555875453859173,0.0,0.0,0.11498335100903065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302184830576797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508724912373193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869933135674782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610522261906712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285956195599034,0.0,0.10047332736893907,0.0,0.0,0.13346841441404075,0.07636916260001063,0.07365675593813951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771617194724924,0.15609005507380427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382733949928336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780181140794221,0.0912437401446035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FargoBoudicea,2018/01/03,"EMDR has started messing up my sleep, or is it? Official diagnosis is c-ptsd. Full-blown PTSD for more than 25 years. Started EMDR about six months ago, Stellar results. Very pleased with my progress. I've gotten through three specific traumatic events in EMDR, and this last one is not going as smoothly as the first two. I cannot stay in REM sleep, I wake up with fevers or hot flashes and a racing mind. I no longer have night terrors or nightmares, so that's a plus. But I'm having intense physical stress reactions that are causing extreme fatigue, arthritis, fibromyalgia, and random suppressed immune system things like shingles. From what I've read, long-term untreated PTSD can wear your body down to the point where you experienced a lot of these illnesses. Has anyone else had worse sleep after EMDR? I was expecting it to get better. I'm wondering if it has to do with a combination of processing through one of the biggest core traumas and just the fact that my body is worn out.",5.9459991638795975,7.449669929347827,5.7702173913043495,78.90254180602008,67.09782608695652,8.705016722408027,33.719063545150505,9.057496981413335,3.048914381270903,793,36,138,14,13,247,131,184,0.136,0.787,0.077,-0.9094,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,3,4,7,0,2,8,0,15,11,7,2,1,25,24,13,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,1,1,0,1,3,5,0,6,4,3,9,2,25,20,2,22,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,7,11,89,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356361496484294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746692994766416,0.1428247525734748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232819115066406,0.0,0.30966872639325865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319516033244026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644508839363152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856774025343653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282716645095949,0.0,0.07922033817352796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362401995872727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810045096292709,0.0,0.0,0.12335854929795535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850706945723065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074734269157615,0.0,0.11126228063300056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130811026397477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891280885502332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530118172351784,0.13177158045562512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888293908309942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943086949933192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4184814473944091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197326374837303,0.1485745486358792,0.0,0.0,0.15967437976890228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260661348632154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616685071947565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501394531186873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116592260383682,0.0,0.0,0.1420535262306209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897646169567659
ptsd,derpeyduck,2018/01/03,"So many intense feelings today. [These song lyrics](https://imgur.com/gallery/CNbL9) sum up how I feel today. I’ve been playing the song on repeat. 

Normally by now I’d have had a drink to numb it. I don’t even know how to describe it. I want to cry but the tears aren’t coming.


I feel despair. Helpless. Lost. Confused. Alone. So many things and it’s immobilizing.

I just needed to get it out somewhere.",0.7105194805194799,3.0263498571428578,1.8796753246753253,91.38237012987013,102.37662337662336,3.7584415584415583,21.084415584415584,5.773587663045528,0.2717428571428573,317,12,60,3,14,100,57,77,0.274,0.677,0.049,-0.9559,1,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,2,0,15,14,6,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,3,1,0,4,4,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,5,5,1,8,11,0,8,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086483493107785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003321859934844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25545922152574146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782292261643625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360547954674908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352772088469446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150441963100846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781038582440155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538696751126192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715641805932264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244230597739826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278620824268492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450433367094668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4408845209189864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717151447809442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,peeblicity,2018/01/04,"Overbearing numbness Numbness is the main feature of my PTSD. I don't really feeling anything much, unless I'm watching a movie or something. 

Can anyone relate?",5.272738095238097,8.538433178571427,5.75,70.46166666666669,74.35714285714286,6.590476190476192,37.904761904761905,7.793537801064563,3.904819047619049,131,8,16,2,3,42,26,28,0.21600000000000005,0.784,0.0,-0.5841,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359607749512454,0.0,0.39539173163043256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429436693156415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532059686549613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5616520429055941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078059473059492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36989476206276456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ArabianPrincess6,2018/01/04,"It Took So Many Years I’ve been seeing therapists and psychiatrists for the past 6 years. For 6 years each and every psychiatrist would come up with their own diagnosis of what’s wrong with me. I’ve been labeled with traits of psychosis, border personality disorder, Bipolar, Depressive bipolar, and now finally, PTSD. 
I’ve finally found a doctor that was actually willing to listen and cooperate with my therapist to find the perfect diagnoses. One single disorder and that was PTSD. 
I took it as a shock at first. I didn’t understand how I could have PTSD? I always assumed that only veterans suffered from it. I’m still learning about it. Learning my triggers and my good and bad days. 
My biggest trigger is family. I can’t deal with my family after enduring years of physical, sexual and mental abuse. 
It’s so hard to stay away from them and cut ties. I’ve moved out of my home country and relocated all the way to the United States just to get some distance. Yet they never fail to find ways to manipulating me. 
I just need advice on how to manage my anxiety, and how to manage my nightmares. I just need some sleep. ",4.776640646780038,6.7838535165876745,6.027839420128242,73.95269863395596,70.70616113744077,9.514468915528298,29.94730972957903,9.916854025145753,3.2579247839420127,896,37,156,24,17,300,127,211,0.14800000000000002,0.7959999999999999,0.056,-0.9541,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,3,3,12,9,1,0,6,0,11,5,1,6,3,44,22,17,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,9,19,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,7,0,2,8,3,20,2,30,11,6,28,0,3,1,0,6,6,0,3,14,107,29,6,0.0,0.13175161987874878,0.10851335007284477,0.0,0.0,0.1086615414146084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252576545693228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506627740744427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447431868457056,0.0,0.09284580724782313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578735671251593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878267138916493,0.0,0.0,0.07171360504447673,0.11464040593981485,0.0957748002998049,0.11286377759376184,0.0,0.0,0.25488541838331696,0.11381601440713507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368923402999033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965543153202928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436242674706843,0.20326618203098926,0.09458508627112416,0.0,0.12192302767896886,0.0,0.0,0.058096441805517776,0.0,0.0,0.09326772919237904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961169736807933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154080708573896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273746691107775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206157719052874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818603138055432,0.0,0.1649040327001981,0.08576286542426513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753507416312376,0.08457120089305369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061512127895079,0.0,0.0970939320662506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899540465625984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861052557299831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127845207602848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852242836356712,0.08880298311977605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258219236448017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24709046366563414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576119170832196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652782506062506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789919725621604,0.12157771658815347,0.0,0.2864318412681913
ptsd,102-3-11,2018/01/04,"Trigger warning. It's been an awful day. I don't know that I'm looking for advice, but I need to just get this out.

I'm not currently in therapy, and I know that's what a lot of the responses will be. The short answer is I'm newly insured, and I'm working on it.

I have some sexual trauma in my past, and today I had to see a doctor regarding some of the physical health problems that trauma has caused me. I wasn't prepared. I thought I could go in and just lay it out, and be on my merry way, but apparently the dreaded physical and pap exam was necessary. It was awful. Truly awful it wasn't the doctors fault. She was very compassionate and made sure she laid out the least invasive options, and told me I could tell her to stop, and warned me of what she was doing. She did everything right. But I still froze and cried through the entire thing. Some of the sensations brouvht me to memories of old sensations, andI felt really vulnerable, trapped, and ashamed, and I haven't been able to shake it off all day.

Part of it is that we have company staying in our home; so I don't feel like I have the space to care for myself, and it just further perpetuates the shame feeling. In fact, I felt too ashamed to go home right after, and drove around for an hour and a half before I felt like I at least i wouldn't have to explain myself to my boyfriend's family.

Additionally, because it's my boyfriend's family, my boyfriend has been unavailable to me all day. He came to bed, and asked if I was okay, but he fell asleep in the middle of me trying to describe how I'm not.  I tried to vent to the one friend that I trust with this stuff, but she was busy. I tried a listener on seven cups, and was told to just not worry about it before I could even get it all out. So im throwing this out here as a rant. If anyone has kind words, i would appreciate them, but mostly i just needed to dump it out into the universe somewhere before it swallows me whole.

Also, if anyone has any solid advice on how to successfully get through gynecological exams, that would be actually well appreciated.",6.047006211180122,5.482359800000005,6.927929606625259,77.91736024844722,66.47619047619048,10.06625258799172,31.35610766045549,9.54385415503706,2.604526915113872,1636,55,335,29,23,548,200,420,0.157,0.7140000000000001,0.13,-0.8908,2,1,0,0,0,0,49.0,2,0,1,2,17,21,1,5,20,4,38,7,1,5,5,83,69,32,0,12,17,0,6,2,1,4,5,1,3,0,26,29,1,1,10,0,0,7,9,10,1,3,23,9,47,11,53,36,12,46,0,0,2,0,19,26,0,9,13,243,73,6,0.09916921277859504,0.0,0.09677484634098417,0.0,0.0,0.19381401397181172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793055836301927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674384653466528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868283874768034,0.0,0.0,0.0882816244670026,0.09270982708829367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06045263165447683,0.0,0.25315708775079626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342316043898433,0.10110962170934548,0.10187409894050928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23753564079426495,0.0,0.10893272360980004,0.19186781453374374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300778287647944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655003297531412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912689397764757,0.0,0.1869758159474816,0.0,0.10028586736460618,0.07084650542397393,0.2856539882302449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661788779287397,0.0,0.15543546185550508,0.0,0.11272029795496173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541223582219164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19894961236060868,0.0,0.09766169847022528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711976732323517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032694745392904,0.1090016116882945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689813626639496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327716232955848,0.0,0.0,0.08431011837975283,0.0,0.09383630694235848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706542941359155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406140675396623,0.0,0.06719962509817526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073905934699812,0.0946682348274904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948915435343854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353033707878955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937993172309454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902502310327901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570118593836368,0.07919666142708041,0.08290990238630723,0.0,0.0,0.11352502260520715,0.0,0.0,0.0934658094244002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667826302848107,0.0,0.11340863749491605,0.0,0.06588361843339298,0.0,0.0,0.0787292776376437,0.0,0.0,0.09400081816241583,0.18952086522639394,0.0,0.20198815751572186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182498638248471,0.0,0.07871590515674817,0.0,0.0,0.08916503203162679,0.0,0.0,0.11071888453054204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219636800244096,0.1007111493648058,0.0,0.1408939269083964,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mysadkid,2018/01/04,"Little Sleep Advice please?
I’m new to PTSD. Mine is progressing. My sleep troubles have arrived. I’m getting flashbacks every night. Not of my trauma- oddly enough of events or conversations or moments surrounding the time of my trauma. I have a wonderful psychologist who I’m currently waiting to see. I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do to help manage this in the interim. 
Does anyone have any pro tips that work for them? I just want to be able to fall asleep easily again...",2.5645355731225266,5.395307489130438,3.7044268774703575,83.40025691699606,82.80434782608695,6.8237154150197625,24.66798418972332,8.00094639256281,1.868182608695652,387,15,69,8,11,125,69,92,0.052000000000000005,0.77,0.179,0.8806,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,2,3,4,0,0,3,0,7,3,3,0,1,10,16,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,8,1,10,15,1,11,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,4,7,40,11,2,0.2227100378511795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762967143905745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514504627914148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572403673184876,0.0,0.1832713850264874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489505494002785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230119003246006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876428122947885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11635680275941092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927784384552906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321396595313292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150947423507556,0.0,0.2089982837316169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244468742991416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603361162404785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774710658015868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457417527540648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990157500970133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986401405770456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136015054273825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415195358754382,0.1621355600194077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Canadianshoveler,2018/01/04,"How can i help my 16year old friend with PTSD Hey folks so heres the deal,

Background: my 16 year old friend just came out about sexual and physical abuse from her asshole father 2 months ago. There is an ongoing complex intense court battle between the 2 of them and her family (who admittedly have always been distant) have chosen to side with the father and isolate/ostracize my friend. She has been on and off again homeless, and because of this, she made the healthy decision to move in with me and has become apart of my family. 
I love my friend, she desperately wants to overcome this but is struggling with a lot of symptoms, and myself and my parents want to learn how to help her any way we can. 
She has these dreams where she wakes up panicking and sweating. Last time she told me that she couldnt stop going over what happened in her head, and although i stayed with her, it took a long time for her to fall back asleep.
She also has flashbacks where she goes in and out of the present and past. For example last week after volleyball she was triggered by the noisy change room and ended up standing in the corner unresponsive to anyone repeating the words ""its my fault"". I ended up getting her alone away from the rest of the team but i need strategies on how to get her out of the flashback. Ive noticed that when shes a present the hypersensitivity kicks in and everythings crazy loud for her but then she cant hear anything when shes back in her flashback. Sometimes it helps to give a hug or hold her hand sometimes it terrifies or irritates her. I dont know how to get her out of it and i hate to see her that terrified. 
The hypersensitivity can be super hard too around the house, sometimes shes able to say that something like the dryer is too loud otherwise we'll find her in the corner of her room with her head between her legs in a panic attack. 
We desperately want strategies to help bring her out of a flashback/dissociation, panic attack, night terrors and just the general feeling of loneliness and betrayal she deals with daily. Also note we just started her with a counsellor who she says is helping a lot, this is just for at home and school. Really and insight into ptsd would be super helpful as were all still trying to comprehend it. 
Thanks",7.281934250764529,7.074412850917432,6.975733944954129,77.40684250764528,63.8394495412844,9.927217125382263,33.30428134556575,9.408791572840183,2.8403565749235464,1817,66,343,29,24,572,224,436,0.15,0.7140000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.9296,1,1,1,0,1,0,34.0,4,0,1,3,25,19,4,4,26,0,29,10,7,6,1,74,53,36,0,6,9,3,3,1,4,2,1,5,3,0,17,38,0,2,8,2,0,6,3,9,0,0,8,9,59,10,69,40,4,69,0,0,1,2,67,32,0,4,29,248,76,3,0.08566203351528064,0.10149550215622737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593422415995209,0.0,0.0,0.08872003240422541,0.0,0.1370077945066593,0.0712776741271429,0.0,0.0,0.058253120266685936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989688557537001,0.0,0.07049255470479332,0.0762573712343523,0.0,0.1949058593926256,0.08048230030931533,0.13173763234296507,0.0,0.052218780544665666,0.0946069858934583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979745457153661,0.0,0.0,0.09061907307886558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662759029397004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039526530237332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174227171187926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698751220372725,0.0,0.16150908294491584,0.0,0.04331329800144447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829354673438076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647290984001765,0.0,0.13426463082505513,0.08217482815692732,0.04868370772907101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575065333435252,0.0,0.07673635629157152,0.08457352343076366,0.1758279197678908,0.0,0.09654733749868324,0.0,0.3445047323227371,0.0,0.08592600407111953,0.0,0.0,0.09884248547185794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047077613364284364,0.13965198094852987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185014261912018,0.0,0.0,0.07580820403403245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565359518276866,0.07731332971662339,0.08105548733347881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837461788842622,0.0910451849765517,0.0,0.06351731243189514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038801554879751,0.0,0.0,0.09752679292128233,0.1797757885384677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010118788279816,0.09511755080052398,0.0,0.08177410385146583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002686661975416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487729217161834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624377454723827,0.0,0.08669455119516824,0.06826155001081192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594681846836832,0.2541658245574137,0.0,0.06063202822218248,0.09130433003105763,0.0684098106194628,0.07161729571072546,0.0,0.08955255665167781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903565222920383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886609140370404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999004412371712,0.0,0.0,0.08185374398964926,0.09517367115045128,0.05815889775331636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515770603822125,0.06799453496497286,0.06871291623174962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085185084544512,0.0,0.0,0.055163541043750486
ptsd,metcop,2018/01/04,"Bad thoughts I've been getting bad thoughts recently, thoughts that come when I get angry. I'm only angry for 10 mins at most but when I feel like this I feel as if I want to take my own life. I want to get in my car, drive as fast as I can and crash it into a wall. I feel the blood pumping through my body and my heart beating so hard in my chest but I'm so angry at everything and want to end everything. I don't think I ever would end it but the thoughts come into my head
It's not always like this though, I often go days feeling amazing and positive but something little can change a lot.

How do you manage these mood swings?",2.520222222222224,3.479890392592594,3.6601851851851848,92.86583333333336,74.7037037037037,6.5851851851851855,24.61111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.6353111111111107,493,15,114,4,10,160,80,135,0.156,0.69,0.154,-0.1026,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,8,6,0,0,4,0,6,6,5,1,1,32,27,18,0,5,6,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,9,0,0,5,2,2,0,0,5,5,17,3,14,21,3,22,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,4,11,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005858136460112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24094771545582894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027064857253273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263681779258154,0.2485814432937079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305336350001638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25559141902236354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051611165873733,0.0,0.0,0.25935221964403643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29182395054023785,0.10307886663445846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261524565959368,0.0,0.08200179028141669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292530682050743,0.0,0.14808038330464554,0.0,0.0,0.17098112976425064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191437786213607,0.14098296035292368,0.14461376716466473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266789161150515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973698356753216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246628892537616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107940274114757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848608301978507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924534674189152,0.14176152685200336,0.4581919552007579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25531314061179466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249754885214983,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,josef2000,2018/01/04,Where can I find information on developmental trauma? I’ve been told by my psychiatrist that I have developmental Trauma (and many other diagnoses). I think it’s because I was abused sexually when I was 9 and never told anyone about it til I was 16. Which lead to developmental trauma. Where can I find information on this disorder? I’ve rarely heard about it ,3.979740259740261,6.89686009090909,6.144718614718619,67.80136363636367,76.87878787878788,9.225974025974024,24.58008658008658,9.606745405546679,2.827972294372294,290,10,50,9,7,101,41,66,0.233,0.767,0.0,-0.9347,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,9,11,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,1,8,0,7,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,35,15,1,0.0,0.3208707663697084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18935971712465188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508593756664758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27487090363836986,0.0,0.0,0.3103767513765137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950388895814127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745632838490206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886875151950096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352692508759252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5175495072434042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cemeteryofdeath,2018/01/05,"Thot Magic I started EMDR. I get really tired and have lots of flooding memories after seasions, but how do I know it's working? Is it the tiredness? Is it the memory flashes? Or is it something that will show itself in time?

For now, it's Thot Magic.^TM",1.5766666666666684,4.1681263999999985,3.708000000000002,83.32066666666668,85.0,5.7333333333333325,26.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.7249333333333332,200,9,35,3,6,68,39,50,0.065,0.935,0.0,-0.469,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,6,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338176808150237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459526006402844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804768123078547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28670129518387977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34453300299528666,0.0,0.0,0.31676637700275634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609602693457151,0.5143736997474809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258095764264787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RhodaStorm,2018/01/05,"I set myself back by thinking I could ask for help. And back to square 1 now... I was diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety, Depression etc, etc after I came out of a coma from a failed suicide attempt in 2014. Many things/instances led me down the path I am currently on... childhood abuse (physical, sexual, mental) onto a lifetime of abuses (again physical, sexual, mental) and other tragedies mixed in like the death of my daughter...

Well, onto my current issue.. I had deactivated Facebook when I got out of the hospital. Besides that my memory was mush, people on that account had known what was occurring, contributed to or even blamed me for ""letting myself be tortured "". So it was wise to end communication....

I recently went back onto that account to ask for help. I had created a gofundme account as living on disability sucks, and I needed a little help to start earning my own money again. (I have a separate Facebook I just opened 7mo ago for family only and have been fine with that).

So with getting back on this old account, I was reading comments like ""if there is anything I can do to help"", so I thought I would give it a try... while trying to ignore the post from the woman who had an affair with my husband calling me a ""dear friend"" while I was in a coma and could not lose my ever loving mind on her.

You can guess where this is going... I am back to being ANGRY, HURT, BETRAYED , and a very unhealthy dose of self hatred /loathing constantly. These are people who knew what was going on, the pain I was in and still in and are seriously responding with things like ""glad things are going good for you"".

I am accustomed to not being heard when I speak, cry or beg for mercy... why was I such a fool to tell these people I am still suffering? Why did I try for help? Why did I think they cared? Is my brain so muddled that I convinced myself I mattered to these people? 

And last but not least... why do people honestly wonder why I don't leave the house or interact with people IRL?

TLDR.. I was a fool and thought revisiting an old Facebook looking for help, only to be reminded why I had tried to end my life.",6.8451597051597055,6.350436501228501,7.396990171990176,74.98035012285014,64.82309582309583,10.151842751842752,33.242014742014746,9.573946990214177,3.0109518427518425,1644,60,305,28,22,544,207,407,0.127,0.767,0.105,-0.903,2,0,0,0,2,2,80.0,0,2,1,4,23,26,2,0,21,0,43,8,1,1,1,46,67,24,2,5,9,2,0,3,1,1,6,2,0,2,19,20,0,1,7,1,5,6,4,12,1,0,25,4,48,14,54,34,4,56,0,5,2,1,29,20,1,6,31,232,67,3,0.0,0.1799672470952363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732157086795931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809850300036716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062497109435472736,0.0,0.14199856710462935,0.0,0.0,0.2919890355721681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478088331039302,0.07754938513389238,0.08686202296265486,0.07743203635545919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207067517567583,0.0,0.12127344600676306,0.0,0.08342314482295796,0.0,0.0,0.06541220201662233,0.0770836190439681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345312764004523,0.0,0.16939979169910216,0.050161634758356624,0.06869752967229924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715951555018965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867571228889245,0.0,0.03967866470025114,0.07285434964971467,0.12948563245054726,0.06369992445263235,0.06074097582223539,0.0,0.0836631112863466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3054301272975189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763151877922766,0.08130179296275343,0.0,0.0,0.07926792108923568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190614861931903,0.0,0.08041587715520399,0.0,0.07765995840070311,0.05364292506295573,0.11131017824976544,0.07611787107781541,0.06706173348925291,0.0,0.06377553542449695,0.08496417829159578,0.0,0.0,0.06854425475648201,0.0,0.0,0.07699735146766698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307146561605758,0.0,0.07668383778010926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631301692394668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938516027953,0.0,0.0,0.11552075202011247,0.08081192762535308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159084769408949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273530071901951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887768417548417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596657935955678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498753974791889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792282696723932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375498900508345,0.0,0.12130119098815448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307262731185533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638017530461242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091033180657537,0.09732629543737546,0.0,0.12058532482302035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20624946919611792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266342622235217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828459928132098,0.07040272816480446,0.4111768618603275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236022695103405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539498787859968,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,myzz7,2018/01/05,"being upset about getting therapy / help i had therapy sessions years ago surrounding my childhood sexual abuse and other childhood traumas but i felt like there wasn't much progress. all it did was bring up the worst feelings i had in my life and let me suffer through that emotion again without any way of seeing there was path to healing. i didn't want to be put on medication either. on the 10th or 11th session, i walked out on my therapist and never came back. 


i still deal with PTSD like symptoms such as strong twitching when thinking about my past or very sad subjects. im especially sensitive to things like that. if im at work im distant from others and if left with time to wander in my thoughts, i will think about dark stuff and flinch very noticeably - and others might ask why i do that. it's embarrassing but at other times i feel completely okay, even happy, can function for days no problem. i even have the habit a bit contradictory to the sad thought flinch - just thinking of little jokes and i'll laugh out loud - and of course that's embarrassing to as i seem like a crazy person to my co-workers. i guess i have a strong pendulum of emotion and react strongly to it. other times its long bouts of apathy. 


so im thinking about getting therapy / help again. but even looking around on websites and thinking about getting that help upsets me. i flinch pretty hard but not even on certain hard memories, just vague memories of the multiple occasions when i had a bad time in my past. i think PTSD, if i really do have it, probably blurred my memory on certain bad things. i also can't find any good info on this stuff. i don't know if i should get therapy or not either - money is a problem for me and therapy brings out the worst emotions. i don't want to feel those bad emotions, its very painful. ",4.966752136752135,6.281312364672368,5.383605698005699,81.47157948717951,69.22792022792022,8.465002849002849,30.849116809116808,8.841846274778883,2.4968184843304844,1444,59,272,25,25,461,180,351,0.233,0.64,0.127,-0.9913,0,0,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,0,0,5,23,30,0,4,11,1,24,6,0,1,4,65,51,28,0,9,18,0,6,4,0,3,6,1,0,1,22,18,0,0,16,1,1,5,10,16,0,0,12,9,32,14,46,33,7,45,0,3,2,0,6,20,0,11,23,184,54,3,0.0,0.08495478624398252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355922819300595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733982121767636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975192254861447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638297120080304,0.06703140771465918,0.0,0.0,0.05513417914203736,0.1796037661392219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827968259082199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200763986357132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517786516443281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04624166285732021,0.07392130123715675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226190335411082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894331786401021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876359725490142,0.0,0.06884487348590097,0.0,0.06553405210867731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984470929969426,0.0,0.0,0.06013998161307056,0.0,0.0,0.07898750301022119,0.0,0.0,0.07632778978658301,0.12846127379828046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418040835675994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30980054750419683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03940537753173963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790410363015549,0.07331984316187216,0.050645029090362816,0.1401193095242751,0.07186393714563853,0.0,0.06345374555946558,0.06021136697964291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223191636655905,0.0,0.0760641696340783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270899742730637,0.0,0.05530076902656052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163285731554293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629566099594777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689476608138068,0.0,0.06260715619183486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294640311494127,0.07730655663079422,0.13721768108291246,0.1676308936527168,0.07208000966668099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593394315062625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057136969290768086,0.0652745320576912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05726106787690001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416257725986869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452551731388699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099856971497677,0.08325119667110842,0.09527084296511287,0.2756613136531037,0.0,0.11384627658475817,0.1672393446148921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748422780124015,0.0845830372820582,0.0569134696709695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064699629092936,0.0,0.0,0.06911787726541131,0.0,0.10439937881623468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617354206119804
ptsd,Grootdrew,2018/01/05,"I did not win today, but I’ll try again tomorrow. Perfect storm led to my girlfriend and I celebrating our sixth anniversary apart, and after an already shitty day, it has kinda put me into an old spiral. 

I’ll try my best tomorrow. Not everyday can be a win ",3.6926470588235283,5.282737823529415,5.809950980392159,76.11727941176474,72.72549019607844,9.02156862745098,28.43627450980393,9.516144504307137,2.8160156862745103,203,8,37,5,4,71,40,51,0.165,0.598,0.238,0.7818,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,3,2,1,12,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,8,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005812424811724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809477364927424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341059725665752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809090684748295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649168244163872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440830294248635,0.0,0.0,0.4929084555120353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Jessicahh93,2018/01/05,"How do you tell the person who caused your PTSD that you have PTSD because of them? So during therapy I recently got told that I have PTSD and Panic Disorder from my father being abusive to me emotionally and verbally, but also from watching him fight and beat on my mom, brother, and step-mother. 
I’m 24 now and my dad has been trying to fix things between us because I’ve been distant for awhile and he knows I was going to start therapy, so he is going to ask me how it’s going. He has BPD and very narcissistic (he denies these diagnosis’s and refuses to take medication) so he has issues with admitting how bad he was when I was younger and blames others for his actions... If he doesn’t hear from me about the diagnosis he will hear it from someone else. How do I tell the person who caused my PTSD that I have PTSD and they’re the reason why? Please help.",6.721631342324983,5.805513982658964,7.389903660886322,76.3175080282595,65.242774566474,10.463455362877328,31.938985228002572,9.725611199111238,2.7598804110468853,681,22,136,12,9,227,102,173,0.126,0.838,0.036000000000000004,-0.9456,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,3,1,1,11,3,1,1,4,0,17,1,0,7,0,23,30,21,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,10,11,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,3,0,0,7,3,20,0,16,21,0,9,0,0,1,0,33,1,0,1,4,89,30,0,0.0,0.12951343579350152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741446576486908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218927388350003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126855143605203,0.13326765300153848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767101323193376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245811587665229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527772447453644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131374560215312,0.12295805019828245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18636868002643125,0.0,0.0874244908355432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246398650787936,0.0,0.0732676006692392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409032448045725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060073435041302775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101174410081521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802152314866894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825070327868499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908890190219097,0.0,0.11998859158322707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6388825733651998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238798333082364,0.10792957131044327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261726476629532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736955951108218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218685642613786,0.0,0.1910819821059065,0.0,0.2500090159090781,0.0,0.0726201238851854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044495508810161,0.0,0.07421371893308873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148541548108258,0.0,0.0,0.09019147383362126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098634481102998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,docturmishii,2018/01/05,"Partner Committed Himself to a Psychiatric Hold and I'm Trying Very Hard 
My SO has been really distant with everyone he knows lately and it began to worry me and everyone else. I was speaking on his behalf because he didn't want to talk to anyone and ended up being his ""voice"". I hated it. It made me feel guilty and as if I was the problem but I pushed forward and tried supporting him none the less. He runs video game tournaments and the other day he told me he would be there. He told me he was there and starting everything and everything seemed normal until one of his friends messaged me asking where he was. I questioned him and he told me he was at his friend ""Jay's"" house. I stopped talking to him at that point seeing that I was furious.He knew how much I don't trust this person around him when he's unhappy and I always made it a point to never lie where I was, ever. No matter how angry or sad I was. I told him this and was trying to reationalize why I was still with him basically the entire night.

The next day he messaged me that he was at a crisis walk in center for feeling suicidal with ""Jay"". Guys, I wanted to be supportive so bad but for 3 years I've been trying to get him to go to a therapist. I felt fucking useless and unappreciated and every un- you could think of. I couldn't help but feel stoic and cold throughout him trying to explain. They eventually told him that he was being trasferred to a Psychiatric hold. Very similar to the type I was. Even if it was a low risk hold I felt it in my gut and terror set in.

Back when I was a teenager, I had a lot of issues stemming from chemical imbalances as well as how I grew up. I had a really bad break one day and ended up downing my exes mom's medication in his room. His mom (god bless her soul) got me to the  hospital she worked at and I was transferred to a rehabilitation center that dealt with severe trauma. I was initially on a 72 day hold converted 14 day hold due to my silence and uncooperation throughout the entire process. Honestly, they were some of the worst days of my life and it completely ruined hospitals for me. I don't only panic now a days. If I'm in a hospital, I get nauseous and throw up due to everything that happened while I was being held. It just brings back terrible memories and terrible people I met while there. 



I knew I had to go and see him at the hospital to make sure he was okay. I knew I had to support his first steps towards mental health and support his parents but holy shit. I broke. The fuck. Down. I cried with him because I love him of course. It hurt to see him so scared. I cried even harder in the car going home. I pulled over to a median on the freeway and just cried and screamed for what seemed to be forever because I felt so god damn terrible about having to still deal with things like this. I feel so guilty about not being 110% supportive of whats going on but I feel so fucking useless. No matter how much people say I'm helping, I feel so fucking selfish for wanting all of this shit to stop. 


Earlier in the day before all this, I felt like I was breaking down because I felt so lonely it physically hurt. It felt so intense and vivid and painful and I felt so hopeless. I've made so much effort trying to counteract my symptoms by trying to put myself out there and it didn't seem to work.. It made everything taste terrible.  I snapped and had to ask a friend if they felt any kind of loneliness that intense just so I could gauge what was normal and he tried but it felt like it wasn't remotely close. My day was already off at me wanting to accept a ""shooting in the woods"" invitation from some acquaintances so I could wander off with a gun and shoot myself where no one would find me. 

And then this happened.

I'm driving over for visiting hours now after trying to call his payphone 18 times today to no avail. I bought him a card and a stuffed animal considering thats what I got when I was in care. I don't know. I'm not ready for this. I feel so selfish I'm not fucking ready for this shit for the rest of my life.

I don't expect any advice really. I just needed to vent, but if anyone for some god forsaken reason has felt like this too, it would just be nice to know.",3.0547749809305884,4.6431527251462015,4.479099923722352,85.01993135011445,74.38011695906431,7.576404780066108,25.37376048817697,8.275628758383613,1.5587909992372233,3320,111,677,56,69,1104,335,855,0.227,0.672,0.101,-0.9992,1,2,0,3,0,1,73.0,0,1,3,4,48,60,10,4,35,1,56,17,4,10,6,143,139,76,1,21,21,3,18,4,4,3,6,4,2,3,39,45,1,8,32,2,1,17,17,37,1,4,62,28,106,23,105,62,13,104,2,10,4,6,78,44,9,14,46,461,145,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044564101939284215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503256007912508,0.0,0.037946522662512985,0.0,0.0,0.062025125691359276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637753280738492,0.0,0.0,0.04059759386321052,0.08526793497475411,0.0,0.0,0.07013395305648013,0.07615555540556443,0.1112001009355256,0.0,0.0388059942415365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656720179476602,0.0,0.046496735675192885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047815356539049836,0.0,0.0,0.1092342322790795,0.0,0.15028290988835416,0.26469964696132875,0.04701614453608331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380966329753069,0.0,0.08078394283888843,0.0,0.0,0.060242565795066774,0.041251800017867116,0.03842368257960894,0.08715393675091754,0.16394521355217706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141272074727714,0.0,0.437873856142902,0.0,0.041681604820398316,0.03879108810392498,0.0,0.0,0.10570156281281698,0.21080271231210668,0.04765284425797259,0.0,0.10367214930953317,0.0,0.07294802591771546,0.0,0.0,0.04515553611190448,0.08065565883434345,0.0,0.04085259400948848,0.04502491366075509,0.0,0.04847535559024368,0.0,0.0,0.06113534984839216,0.0,0.04574494188696135,0.0,0.04491115783633416,0.05262136652055362,0.09764092887741503,0.0,0.0,0.04759915595514861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04748997553143481,0.0751889737270997,0.0,0.05144376120638792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442348735467765,0.08912004521882122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038771238807683635,0.041159760810559234,0.17260798277645356,0.030441297999118117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594164554967792,0.04595851931035011,0.0,0.0,0.10682266833263264,0.0,0.0,0.10057346664300676,0.033815092385863735,0.03517293264586658,0.0,0.04850080772451565,0.04279664973881725,0.08936527872121021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270818601153302,0.03468420904637606,0.04852630790890915,0.053506949467614924,0.050638300719752914,0.0,0.0,0.0632327119421373,0.039820012029616034,0.0,0.0,0.08622181676266605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043637261646698115,0.0,0.04584502837387154,0.051087376595297364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764605901701299,0.04688892919193033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03626645749734371,0.04565797046372885,0.0,0.10902243175793287,0.12454962706501953,0.0,0.0515200028593877,0.14043681545905615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03227903633475924,0.0,0.07283948194996248,0.07625465808178081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049883822972593465,0.2587567218570952,0.04298161700146688,0.047400443918252405,0.0,0.07331019506912408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052950235317601166,0.030297543792902875,0.02922146469468595,0.0,0.0,0.026592298386724292,0.0,0.0432276485804094,0.21788484187729387,0.0,0.2786616093726222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525682915498423,0.10759465105723108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100384172895642,0.0,0.041150886983242485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640110768821471,0.04631349235012936,0.0,0.09718819386742113,0.0,0.0,0.029367745033700782
ptsd,thrownfaraway1626,2018/01/06,Does anyone else here smoke weed to help? Wondering what your guys thoughts are it's helped me massively.,4.638947368421054,7.698807894736844,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,75.3157894736842,8.010526315789475,25.28947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.044452631578946,86,3,16,2,2,24,19,19,0.0,0.863,0.13699999999999998,0.4019,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538650803283601,0.3720053284166491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177226189117357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032961203842731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594936834835137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867126824402314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288234861243904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937309721906696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wihldflower,2018/01/06,"Hands On Again 3 or 4 months ago my boyfriend put his hands on me.  6 months pregnant and this guy had my face to the ground with his hand around neck leaving pretty red marks on dark skin.  As soon as he let me go I scoured away like a hurt puppy and started having a panic attack.  At least I think that’s what it was.  I found it hard to breath.  Each breathe was hard to catch and felt like my first after deep sea diving.  I was shaking, scared to believe this guy just hurt me.

Today that ‘panic’ feeling came back.  What started as a back and forth argument turned into him ‘playing around’ with me.  Him behind me, covered my mouth and nose and just pulled my face back and my neck was straining.  I panicked because I’m 35 weeks now and the baby started tightening in my belly.  I couldn’t really breath.  I tried pulling his hands back away from my mouth to tell him to stop but his weight pushed me down into the couch making things harder.  By the time I got him to let go he started to pat my back as I gasped for air like the first night.  He asked me if I was ok..  I was shaking and I just repeated the same words as I did before, “please just get away from me”.  

I think that was a ptsd moment - I don’t know.  But since then I can’t even stand to be in the same room as him.  He says he was playing around but I know that wasn’t a game.  I never felt so uncomfortable and scared other than the night he did put his hands on me and it was exact same feeling today.  That was the scariest part.  It felt like that night never ended and I was just at the peak of emotion. 

I know most of you will say ‘you need to leave’ or something obvious - yes I know.  But things aren’t that easy and than there’s a me that is holding on to a stupid fucking thread of hope that he, of all people, will change.",1.5315407664406244,3.3191591742627367,2.3866527361614907,97.49127385270464,79.24128686327077,5.031666929506387,19.28158019239868,5.5289334501034215,-0.4568838668979658,1384,31,320,6,34,433,179,373,0.097,0.81,0.094,0.2014,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,0,2,20,20,3,7,17,2,26,18,16,1,5,62,54,28,0,4,12,0,14,4,0,2,0,2,2,2,20,22,1,2,12,3,0,11,7,12,0,2,21,18,52,8,49,27,8,66,0,2,1,1,26,22,1,5,36,213,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385422407686726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225055583945112,0.07788880932463943,0.0947834864497708,0.23483315620945355,0.3203226452251224,0.0,0.05078839695843584,0.0,0.0708954119042991,0.09386811449110903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952908142954086,0.0,0.0,0.08813682371610038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937188000547073,0.0737928638958328,0.0,0.0,0.0550291469100109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425370908823744,0.0,0.2399880327777865,0.0,0.0,0.14173635919370942,0.0,0.09135121997751243,0.0,0.07702390010620447,0.04352894556769661,0.0,0.09470031462866517,0.0,0.06663507076834986,0.0,0.0,0.16499102239139876,0.0,0.0,0.14926876820291524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275115806890053,0.0,0.0,0.17838207748001322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315222917592905,0.0,0.0,0.17643831343171668,0.0,0.17039162620774345,0.0,0.16281511241259014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561378860998213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330033830348993,0.0,0.0,0.06177743799981601,0.1285162045992278,0.0,0.0,0.2345580499089409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550573546128935,0.0,0.09022264112387078,0.0,0.057760524457396524,0.0,0.0,0.0914554744915065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476188516469728,0.0,0.0,0.09739144050364328,0.1675103155507355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337408629127649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251176746462026,0.16682683621468344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891949882626565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414039469291177,0.0,0.0,0.23588475147245536,0.0,0.0,0.06965554548970743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282147873263348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070232261114424,0.10677050370528876,0.0,0.0,0.048581977719074174,0.0,0.15794683330041495,0.0,0.0,0.05656580170871596,0.0906234133391863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683072314882592,0.10145591650482808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway90210_1,2018/01/07,Scared to talk to people. I finally want to get out and do things with my life but I’m scared to talk to people. I feel so insecure and I’m constantly an anxious mess. Whenever people ask me questions I just freeze up and I can’t connect with anyone. I used to be fairly social but now I can’t even hold a conversation because I feel so empty headed and can’t express my emotions properly. I also have had a tbi which makes me feel like I’m stupid and I’m afraid of being mocked bc I can’t always think of the right thing to say. How can I start slowly becoming more sociable? ,1.0128544183089616,3.227768454545455,3.2532231404958694,88.31661792752703,83.46280991735537,6.367705022250477,20.87794024157661,7.61054688173877,0.8938907819453283,457,14,95,8,13,156,76,121,0.215,0.706,0.079,-0.9589,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,4,4,0,10,2,1,3,0,21,24,11,0,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,1,5,14,1,13,21,1,7,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,5,59,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385849646527563,0.14419637926454848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577545848125705,0.0,0.12117278144885953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200861934143626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056397978239229,0.1913921152173786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727170343674898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949349789122552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446055205786393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628714035200118,0.12380289004284928,0.0,0.18983759332746256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054014862928712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785196917987356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240428060773385,0.08466380407724439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567660601276508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604254411225098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941314833162229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799406785901675,0.0,0.13781214965013822,0.3469995964579588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766537237346391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265999198443656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785779552493357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302606831408867,0.11104125253466644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967233668568944,0.0,0.0,0.10221463010372307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gxdsandm0nsters,2018/01/07,"Would anyone be interested in a kik group for PTSD? Hello! :)

I've always been feeling a bit of a freak because of my symptoms but reading your posts here and talking with others with PTSD I have realized that I am not alone. This is what led me to decide to make a PTSD group on kik where people can share their experiences, give advice and make new friends who understand their pain. Would anyone be interested in something like this? 


EDIT: The group is ready! Search #TheCirclePTSD on kik to join",3.7921505376344085,6.372695741935487,4.046451612903226,84.45634408602152,75.45161290322581,6.713978494623658,24.31182795698925,7.793537801064563,1.3825182795698925,396,13,72,6,9,123,67,93,0.059,0.6859999999999999,0.256,0.9615,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,0,2,7,0,0,5,0,10,2,0,3,0,15,15,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,1,7,5,12,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,2,46,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966424595013854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982303718645296,0.0,0.0,0.14446982826528648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24280513859820246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584012946401296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895534258411984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983847133866872,0.0,0.0,0.08778996790369431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414216951887598,0.0,0.0,0.16655682802421692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482435757201089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317919422139619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676880134380004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474913847308103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203696464663612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628466291161076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6088746616689699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736718885668795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336649330303995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180462754215244,0.0,0.1395531203995388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074964744464234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24667629938610836,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FinnsChips,2018/01/07,"Has anyone else had thoughts of violence relating to their trauma? I've been having extreme urges to break into my old school where I experienced a lot of pretty horrible things, and I'm not looking for people to tell me not to do it, what I choose to do is my choice, but has anyone else ever had those sorts of urges, whether they relate to a person, or a place, or an object?",15.976184210526323,6.398422144736844,14.445789473684213,59.1755263157895,57.81578947368421,17.30526315789474,48.526315789473685,11.20814326018867,5.323731578947369,297,8,59,4,2,98,55,76,0.095,0.8759999999999999,0.028,-0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,1,13,12,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,7,0,11,8,1,6,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,4,2,45,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249289246190151,0.4761398895768572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881970774007705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101737995433448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951154089822032,0.0,0.0,0.19753558801516205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24381214933468984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610821748208888,0.20287898279593225,0.24275620702566414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363833938924606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235150517590164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308406611816326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436295853822765,0.0,0.0,0.184459878019762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,negativeonhand,2018/01/07,"PTSD resulting from car accident. Was wondering if anyone had any advice for this. I got into a really bad accident about 9 years ago, and after nearly causing another accident a few days later after swerving when I saw an oncoming car I gave up driving. For about 2 years I could hardly get into a car without panicing. However, 9 years later, I have no problem getting into a car however I cannot fathom driving. Bad drivers still give me scares, but thats normal I'm sure. Most of my anxiety now comes from lack of self-confidence in driving, and imagining things like people running stop signs (someone ran a stop sign and hit me going 50 over the speed limit) at intersections. The inability to drive has deeply impacted my life and I would really like to get over the overwhelming anxiety that has limited me, so any advice or suggestions are welcome. For what its worth, anxiety has impacted me greatly in other aspects of life but this specific problem is rooted in a tramautic event.",8.181475409836066,8.126019743169401,8.956836065573771,63.44082786885247,61.95081967213114,12.784480874316941,39.61147540983607,12.161744961471696,5.39443213114754,795,39,123,25,10,270,120,183,0.197,0.713,0.09,-0.9461,2,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,0,3,10,0,11,2,0,3,1,32,24,10,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,8,0,4,2,0,1,12,3,7,0,0,6,2,13,5,26,15,3,40,0,1,1,0,4,12,0,4,18,84,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719152445864254,0.1233316172082588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922828564848032,0.14589143452917475,0.3193054873809137,0.0,0.0,0.09728393021027837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323378635895353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292630322624206,0.0,0.11984940665156682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110851249279971,0.0,0.0,0.0897282617289544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21807128783778612,0.13346754460882088,0.07907159745614666,0.0,0.11127611376830483,0.1533928917861769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463443229726195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19654528599077867,0.1359451769399793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631926014193485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324075453582124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645621467383604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662599751232493,0.16263719522738154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782623123212294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392948322270626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514442401341565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178856083981156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111053902172888,0.23264020928113324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311297253964325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924327392711669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411773275879946,0.1508820999354401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883497537389252,0.0,0.0,0.26878823625808684
ptsd,prettiawkward,2018/01/07,"I feel like I'm not capable of love anymore Due to being psychologically abused by an ex (severely) in 2015, I haven't been the same since and I have yet to fall in love again. I have been in a couple of relationships but I have had no feelings for them. I have finally met someone who seems pretty amazing, and I have started to open up to him. But it's so hard for me to have feelings. It hurts me so bad to know that someone that fucked me over almost 3 years ago still has this power over me, that I'm unable to let it go and just love someone else.",4.277655677655677,4.088980794871798,5.5525030525030505,85.02384615384616,70.1111111111111,8.395115995115995,27.825396825396822,7.957251820313856,1.4486884004884009,431,13,98,5,7,145,74,117,0.245,0.672,0.083,-0.968,1,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,6,8,1,0,3,0,13,4,0,0,0,15,27,7,0,0,4,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,4,4,13,5,18,21,1,17,0,1,0,4,9,7,1,2,9,69,21,0,0.0,0.19790801790127785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806559379582696,0.0,0.16726045806470755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565287936419038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946644223252244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184819982720952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953550292710573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533722807648764,0.11932914799936364,0.0,0.18297762081462987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442027383329845,0.0,0.0,0.09492929140756416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496296865574882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881338917813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917975373342844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708036177187896,0.0,0.08160439229993688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522642141721575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993366344357316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933204287808074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206151213035518,0.0,0.18870091523443028,0.0,0.13817227985769506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42458218750123855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822754971265713,0.0,0.13339359614044707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756444213242017
ptsd,Razirra,2018/01/08,There's a trauma AMA on r/traumatoolbox by professionals! Happening right now! Just thought you all should know. ,4.542982456140352,7.998377684210531,4.269473684210528,75.73298245614036,87.94736842105263,8.849122807017544,27.385964912280702,8.841846274778883,3.388143859649123,92,4,15,3,3,28,19,19,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.5242,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5656984080013772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515709734559169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.546313642132871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078627434922587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,rightfullyconcerned,2018/01/08,"[NFSW] [Vent] [Trigger Warning] Feel like I won't recover It's difficult to believe if you look at me normally, or the way I talk about my family. I love them a lot. I also attend a good university and am fairly successful there and in my work. However, when I was a child, according to my psychologist and I guess to myself, too, I was physically abused a lot. I remember being choked by one of my parents because she was angry with me. I remember getting bit. I remember being threatened to be thrown out of the house naked and my clothes being ripped off of me. I remember getting beaten up in front of one of our family friends. I remember getting cut by someone's ring, hit with hangers (I guess it could've been worse) etc.

I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was 8 years old. We would have a bunch of sleeping pills (homeopathic nonsense) and I would take a bunch of those. I think it continued until I was 11 or 12, when I got strong enough to fight back. When I was 10 years old, I started having daydreams, fantasies about someone, typically female, abusing me. The logical end was that it was that they would feel bad and it would stop, but I like to linger at the part where I get hurt. I turn it over and over in my mind, I modify it a bit. It gives me a high, I feel cold in my chest and I cry but it feels good somewhere. I get turned on, too. Maybe it was because sometimes the abuser would sit on me or immobolize me, I am scared of thinking that there might be a sexual abuse component to it somewhere, but who knows. I feel like I've blocked out or lost some memories.

I just wanted it to stop. If I fucked up in my studies, or whatever, I would get hit and screamed at. I guess that made me obsessed with success and not being a failure. I truly failed for the first time when I was 16 years old, when I failed to medal at an international competition. Although I ultimately got what I wanted, I had no energy, was extremely irritable and unhappy, and just all around sad. Apparently this was MDD + the c-PTSD? 

A few months ago, I got put on an antidepressant that made me feel so much happier/with more energy. I was more openminded etc. I had never felt that good in my life. I came home for break and I haven't really seen anyone besides my family, and I guess I've had the time to go back to those daydreams, and I re-live them. I feel like my mode is very volatile, a few days ago, I had 20 ibuprofen in my hand and was ready to take them. Just an hour ago, I started feeling sad again, and I was thinking of killing myself.

I feel like this affects my sexuality, too. I feel like my attraction to men is out of masochism, I think about how unhappy I will be, and when I think of being with them, I feel the same cold feeling in my chest. I have only had crushes on girls, my sexuality with them seems positive rather than negative. 

I think I am addicted to the cold feeling, it feels good somehow to be in pain or imagine being in pain. I want to break this cycle, I don't want to moodswing like this or want to kill myself and not be able to focus, but I don't know how. I thought that the drug would do it, but it's not enough. I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship and I have a hard time trusting people and I'm scared of the future. I just want to be ok. :( ",2.6966820758351204,4.165118566121849,4.296707115733863,86.4552263221617,75.07726597325409,7.778647295140611,25.835919872324034,8.458729078192134,1.6076781354906169,2557,90,553,47,54,857,278,673,0.194,0.675,0.131,-0.9953,3,0,1,0,4,3,94.0,2,1,6,11,30,40,7,3,30,1,57,13,4,6,3,124,121,49,3,17,22,1,17,7,1,10,7,2,1,3,30,33,0,3,32,1,0,5,11,21,0,4,32,24,105,19,76,65,19,77,0,6,2,2,21,30,1,19,45,389,135,6,0.051742192546992284,0.24522414888898905,0.0,0.05640662731069165,0.0,0.0,0.1375989952429689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04137821268589045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036179344094757176,0.0,0.0,0.046061521348678684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957310442739664,0.04320256950391201,0.06308312064595689,0.0,0.0,0.058295732351004825,0.0,0.0,0.11297814630187608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917928399638416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04131193044824659,0.0,0.056836368886686826,0.03336943366802104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060004516295585585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045828224700231436,0.10692703292191302,0.11541244424159428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633380258828316,0.0,0.3662737012296941,0.18482316347075106,0.04968061910445334,0.0,0.0,0.08802376509592064,0.0,0.0,0.039975889609748086,0.04783482324711152,0.16219896015337032,0.04963582589074621,0.02940628042375088,0.17359558486687712,0.12414887435722136,0.0,0.2279994342275204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635084131974086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466846726939715,0.051901637925142415,0.0,0.05095563698780718,0.059703543159477436,0.05539108727903562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173520942890005,0.0,0.05687231169717996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036547040794367235,0.17695035175553378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345041013528345,0.0,0.05648271539256303,0.0879787235702747,0.046699348923733314,0.09791942732368172,0.0,0.0,0.05198198703682153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054890289541472834,0.052244864431407856,0.0,0.041300124441697735,0.0,0.03803646505501816,0.0,0.07981353739445975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050696362788360115,0.0,0.0,0.16288418131327892,0.0,0.07012369753662051,0.03935226902448115,0.11011468193164548,0.0,0.05745358154778224,0.056031752288537864,0.0,0.035871521362464236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048385417837447,0.052015194799204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03314737348016512,0.0,0.0,0.05555175082047182,0.2930690880905975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103605922476021,0.0,0.0,0.047104148793936096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051779560139643035,0.0,0.0876819836706105,0.0,0.05117435147341297,0.0,0.07324678040072928,0.0,0.0,0.0865175796625986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780737880004747,0.0415884144098536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989258463556876,0.0,0.041077521223318994,0.12068515429536532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0351295522926867,0.11256129469301474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269272773204248,0.18311331454919225,0.04107054404298307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03766893242074938,0.0,0.05272971466456265,0.25729318320548084,0.0,0.0,0.0999608266975297
ptsd,Daftpuns,2018/01/08,"Trouble with anxiety and dissociation I feel like lately I’m either in a dead panic or completely fuzzy and detached from reality. I just want to feel clear and happy again but the constant battle to find a middle ground between panic and dissociation is fucking killing me. I’m currently in EMDR and remembered some memories of my trauma that I hadn’t before, not sure if they were repressed or if going over it all in my head again brought them up but I’m pretty sure that’s what’s triggering this. 

I don’t know what I’m even looking for by posting this, I guess I’m just venting. If anyone’s has similar experiences or if you have any advice I’d love to hear it ",4.975956558061822,5.937500263157897,6.498145363408523,74.79495405179618,68.92481203007519,9.21938178780284,31.319131161236424,9.444778638647367,2.9075737677527167,537,22,99,11,9,184,90,133,0.236,0.649,0.115,-0.9528,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,2,0,5,13,3,3,3,0,6,3,1,1,4,33,22,14,2,5,13,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,8,0,0,3,4,11,5,14,19,3,15,0,0,1,2,5,7,1,9,6,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719613548111801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966946692599716,0.0,0.13462087985585305,0.0,0.0,0.12304625631240472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974230499834132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450710624522684,0.19016714600105225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623024789701092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172137939062543,0.0,0.0,0.17795713805236127,0.12571702950351205,0.0,0.0,0.16083854321546406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268663982704978,0.0,0.0,0.1000110092858107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938570026972115,0.0,0.0,0.18732933675109453,0.0,0.0,0.18060177148453666,0.0,0.1983373312656555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469096824887927,0.0,0.0967116073724546,0.0,0.19850818234115605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597280686561214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477752136241728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882488201671965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41293898550004987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853601510718075,0.1790304861716561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19934609116180227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317099086442945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037949894707045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NonNewtonianFigs,2018/01/08,"I took a shower! Bathrooms are generally very hard for me to be in/around, which leads to me skipping out on a lot of hygiene related stuff. I hadn’t showered in a while, but tonight I did, and I feel incredibly proud, and I just wanted to tell someone that...",5.442628205128209,5.220123134615385,6.3738461538461575,80.2378205128205,67.65384615384616,9.241025641025642,34.641025641025635,8.841846274778883,2.743133333333333,201,9,42,3,3,67,41,52,0.029,0.865,0.106,0.6741,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,10,7,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,7,1,8,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32230331778221466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18306452771698264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32432775778861644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078039290788349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067657495812869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144632776964292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164496793341285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022534409563487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29873107509951524,0.21354783443699665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,poop_dawg,2018/01/09,"I'm about to start EMDR therapy! I've been struggling for so long, and after you guys urging me, I sought out an EMDR-trained therapist, and she's great. She agreed that my case is too severe for just talk therapy and thinks I'm a good candidate for this specific kind of therapy.

Yay!! Thank you guys so much. I'm feeling very hopeful tight now.",2.9552173913043482,4.8901473478260895,4.115289855072465,86.04076086956526,75.52173913043478,8.078260869565218,25.99275362318841,8.841846274778883,2.0035971014492757,273,10,55,6,6,89,52,69,0.069,0.6609999999999999,0.27,0.9416,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,9,10,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,6,8,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544576392195953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832796906834856,0.0,0.20811518693711506,0.0,0.3738160454377124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748723546500096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965707461328816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705197432295962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138764733384629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132518555654867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360954992646876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973392139406908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517229645059098,0.0,0.17379037590983218,0.6476111335825817,0.2191718809668136,0.0,0.12095363397961575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557517233168292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Altaroa,2018/01/09,"Two stretches you can do at home that actually help make rage and anxiety go away These things seem dumb and I swear to God I didn't think they'd work, but a therapist I had told me about them and they actually do work.

To stop a feeling of rage: Stand straight with your feet apart. Raise your arms as high as you can above your head, and put your hands together (like people do when they're praying). Stretch as high as you can. Jump and land on the floor, bringing your hands down between your legs, and hold that position for a few seconds. Basically it should look like you're holding an axe chopping a piece of wood. Repeat this a few times until you feel your rage subside.

To lessen anxiety: Roll up in a ball. Put your head down by/between your knees (if you can), and wrap your arms around your legs. Squeeze yourself as hard as you can, try to tense all the muscles in your body that you can. Hold for as long as you can (like 5/10 seconds), then release. Repeat over and over until you feel some relief.

I also posted this on a popular PTSD forum website (which I haven't used for years and HATE). I hope this helps someone out there.",3.500211406096362,5.1279376150442495,3.5084365781710933,92.27164208456249,73.29203539823007,6.615142576204523,24.944936086529,7.1686216300943375,0.823713667649951,895,28,192,9,18,272,133,226,0.115,0.775,0.11,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,21,3,2,5,11,5,0,10,0,15,11,11,2,1,29,28,24,0,3,2,0,7,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,12,0,4,5,1,0,5,2,5,0,3,3,8,31,6,35,23,5,38,1,0,1,0,27,21,1,4,13,123,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.2821432878310228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560616707124988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117904548307132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869081545436256,0.0,0.0,0.1358207434743427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057577602323972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928464945482107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215790743352673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949914357538528,0.14272503129836028,0.2967246052192909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379370244419572,0.305475348036487,0.14500745768778756,0.14358266941985334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118770510978404,0.0,0.0,0.12793280750904704,0.1213956584240466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649624744253164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022107825703704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845042088137124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898522428549898,0.29064944616377075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160380165665447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248690065846746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086029240800332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784760654737987,0.09604055920432797,0.09262948274719776,0.0,0.0,0.08429525591403232,0.0,0.0,0.1381351716104702,0.0,0.09814809842841216,0.0,0.1412160535394409,0.0,0.0,0.12485513997990574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21048569341970166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309317860504067
ptsd,DystopianAlice,2018/01/09,"Not sure if I still need meds? At the height of my ptsd I was on a bunch of stuff.  As things got better with therapy I slowly started weaning off the meds I was sure I didn't need for sleep or whatever until I got down to just Prozac.  

I tried to come off my Prozac last year and had a ton of rebound symptoms that persisted after several months so I went back on it.  Now I'm off again and don't have anything that's in my face saying I need to get back on it but I'm just not sure.  The main changes I've noticed in the past month have been: 

1. I wake up several more times a night/have more trouble falling asleep but it's not so bad as to interfere with my life during the day right now.

2. I'm emotionally much more numbed out, not really ever happy or sad or angry.  I just feel nothing a lot more of the time.

3. Difficulty focusing/staying motivated.  

I also MIGHT have slightly more intrusive thoughts/flashbacks than I was but I'm not sure. 


Does anyone have similar experience withdrawing from antidepressants? Is it worth getting back on meds at this point or am I probably still in withdrawls?  


I've been struggling with this crap for years so I will continue with therapy either way.  I just would like to be medication free someday if that's at all possible.",2.6394782608695664,4.657953305882359,4.050775788576303,85.76762148337595,76.72549019607844,7.728900255754478,25.98891730605285,8.587818076936951,1.8634057971014488,1003,38,206,21,23,331,147,255,0.154,0.767,0.079,-0.9566,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,17,14,1,1,10,0,18,11,5,1,6,42,33,18,0,6,19,0,1,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,11,8,0,1,2,0,2,3,7,6,0,0,10,2,20,9,37,19,12,45,0,1,0,0,1,19,1,8,23,141,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303800941188225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260489326259845,0.0,0.08544858987215856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395315710420223,0.0866991380298702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183494371839768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984524596304103,0.08944594815108944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696595060857162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086801856861282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680208350292327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392605660041817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157201906531824,0.0,0.0,0.0525028529954008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085005683389974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609506514305974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053588225581316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464060420904286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334278888498112,0.050729267618802615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827807681462503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460168208635493,0.10460434692174447,0.0,0.1101541145376728,0.0,0.0,0.16576260304597554,0.0,0.07633177312925203,0.23098034122200894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744351868125478,0.0,0.09963391968856217,0.11821854045120778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912368606059427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815905291324764,0.11706004903632256,0.0,0.0,0.1119533064593716,0.0,0.1213793087356666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652031908482356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867580137983863,0.0,0.08257495038075402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346113722324185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391148682178207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734960072644682,0.11067589028441817,0.16584792182193478,0.0,0.0,0.10855245234589482,0.1188679467959478,0.0,0.0,0.3914586795736151,0.10792587902642788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374921683094786,0.0,0.06898435491089581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109579326598392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049816569070963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242057840152361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09625747333237344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376246849939512,0.0,0.0,0.1337345997540618
ptsd,olive249,2018/01/09,"Wonderful experience with Prozac I've been in therapy on and off for about 4 years now, following a traumatic incident. I got a new therapist in early 2016 who eventually diagnosed me with PTSD and recommended twice weekly sessions.

I found myself feeling worse than I ever had before (my main trigger, unfortunately, is extremely commonplace and something most people enjoy). 

HOWEVER- my GP prescribed me prozac for a totally unrelated health issue (PMDD- essentially being an emotional wreck for a week before each menstrual cycle).

After being on the prozac for a few months it has made such an incredible difference in my life, my coping, and my ability to navigate the world when I'm ""triggered"".  I don't feel dulled, don't have any side effects other than reduced appetite, and generally feel so much more capable and in control. My panic response has greatly reduced (though not completely disappeared, naturally) and I find myself less reactive and miserable when I'm forced to face issues and situations that previously caused me a great deal of anguish and anxiety.

I've heard plenty of negative stories, so clearly this medication isn't for everyone, but I thought I'd post about my positive experience just in case anyone is weighing their options.


**edited to add that I'm still doing the therapy :)",11.038081255028153,10.467254561946906,11.166975060337894,51.59463797264686,56.477876106194685,15.120836685438453,46.20917135961385,13.88584557914918,7.1154654867256655,1065,58,146,39,11,359,154,226,0.08800000000000001,0.7959999999999999,0.115,0.7313,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,2,12,7,0,3,11,0,13,9,1,6,3,36,26,16,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,14,1,1,8,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,7,4,19,3,25,17,8,25,0,2,0,0,4,10,0,3,12,106,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951401593596868,0.0,0.10069782956568928,0.0,0.0,0.09203988980097236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401762822590626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522193408684693,0.0,0.0,0.13801324993741365,0.0,0.1476360555108742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570642104598168,0.0,0.13360332421554766,0.0,0.13752702729892094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806785618774534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190683370014087,0.0,0.12577965455523238,0.0,0.2575219664003009,0.0,0.0,0.1996707075839476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030891663794438,0.0,0.0,0.1443272779240627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052778318739548,0.2902486531071615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991825746227607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747784261436105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297530653002233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455302225271693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260500953507606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506710382654924,0.0,0.09676438696382353,0.0,0.0,0.12713063954810214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444134530779016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125679184639716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606670631714378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15387032055460573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795945684751088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133645257591266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512118234925186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010644602250062,0.15283445717203414,0.0,0.0,0.12932739903547846,0.10450080346368862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21117389250282773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274887765101804,0.0,0.0,0.13414386712627982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476644803692443
ptsd,letmepetyourdogs,2018/01/09,"PTSD without actual trauma? I need some help here. I’ve been to several psychiatrists who have told me I have all the signs of ptsd. A major one is nightmares. I get them every night, and have for as long as I can remember. I can’t remember ever NOT having nightmares. But it always stumps the doctors because I can’t recall any major trauma happening to me. Does anyone else share this experience? They can’t diagnose me because I don’t have any real major traumatic events that have happened, but I have all the symptoms as if I did. ",3.6406623931623936,5.723532596153845,5.255128205128205,77.96764957264958,74.0,8.083760683760685,26.94017094017094,8.841846274778883,2.3688196581196586,426,16,75,9,9,144,68,104,0.025,0.898,0.076,0.4199,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,15,3,0,0,3,15,20,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,0,14,1,8,17,6,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,56,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.16456897790481426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032255608076008,0.0,0.0,0.2293628919742911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791748521732565,0.1727923066756503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560358769219192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116674131443788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726108828785401,0.14757859635628368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087764944129436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525451507881622,0.14208704712047088,0.0,0.0,0.16496294558700844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881077954133974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982567944544117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303629365349832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924169583553187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504492809242332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582578550465296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427528987261153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942638629537168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919500150744172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38207403397991396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051596782171626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752822388793665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611433975934666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256359848726662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,navii51,2018/01/09,"Need advice on finishing internship while dealing with PTSD and anxiety Though Im still hesitant in saying I have PSTD it pretty much looks like it. Yesterday I went to see my psychologist and she agreed it would be best to treat traumas I got from my previous relationship with EMDR, which we are starting next week.

Im not here to talk about my past but I need some practical advice. Im a student in the last month of my (paid)internship and I have been feeling guilty about calling in sick a lot. My supervisors are very understanding and kind, thats why I was able to keep up the work most parts of the months. 

But now Im really struggling with the last straws. I have a paper due and it is stressing me out. Usually I called in sick once every two weeks or worked from home once a week because getting out of my house in the morning gave me anxiety. I need some practical advice on what to do with this last month. Maybe I should call in sick for real, like until I feel better and finished this paper, maybe I should work half of the week or only half days, maybe I should just suck it up. Maybe I just need someone to tell me you know its okay to call in sick, you dont have to feel guilty your working on yourself and thats whats most important. I self lack this view because I mostly dont consider myself helpworhty, which is another problem on its own. 

I already contacted my mentor from school yesterday. The last time we spoke she told me I could figure it out with the internship company if I knew what would work for me. Problem is, I dont know what works for me. Each day is different. Last week I had 3 amazing days where I got a lot of work done. But the other 2 I could only throw up, cry and sleep. There is no telling in which way a day is going to go. So I feel like it would give me some rest if I gave myself time to work on this paper or going to the internship part time. That way everyone knows what to expect from me instead of just seeing if I will be able to show up everyday. 

On the other hand, over the holidays when I had some time off I felt awful. I really dont like being on my own all day and had a lot anxiety that I had to show up for work the next week. So being at home all the time didnt work out that well. 
I never called in sick for a longer than a day in the past because the pressure to show up and fear of losing my job or getting kicked out of school. But thats what is getting back to me now cause I dont have a healthy view on how to get better.




As you see Im constantly questioning myself, I just dont know what would be appropriate for someone in my situation. How do you guys handle this stuff? What do you do to get productive and how do you handle the stress of a deadline when there is so much going on in your head? Have you taken a longer time of work to deal with your mental health and how did that work out?

Thank you so much for reading this, I am very new to all this and its a bit of a thing for me to ask advice cause it means admitting I need help. Which would be okay for someone else, I just feel ashamed about the whole situation, its not a walk in the park you know..

TLDR: Gonna start PTSD (EMDR) therapy and dont know if or how I can finish my internship. Need some advice on how others deal with the aspect of jobs and expectations.


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ptsd,kastelikast,2018/01/10,"Could this be considered traumatic? NSFW First of all - yes, this is a throwaway account, and yes, I'm getting professional help - but that starts in three months. I'm trying to prepare for getting help by collecting my thoughts and memories about what has happened to me, and this is one of the things. I'm not asking you to diagnose me - just maybe help me judge the severity of what happened? Just knowing that someone reads this would calm my whirring mind.

 I'm lying awake and I need to collect my thoughts. I'd really appreciate your help in judging whether this was abusive or not. I grew up with it, so I truly have no perspective.

My father needed things done his way. It applied to everything in the house - but especially how we talked. It should follow certain patterns so to better suit his (superior) way of thinking. If we disagreed on something, we had to ""discuss"" it. ""Discussion"" is a word that still makes me cringe - I'm 23 and haven't met him since I moved out at 19. Discussion went likr this; we sat down, and he held lengthy monologues, explaining ""how things are""- If we interrupted, stated a different opinion, seemed to ""misunderstand"", anything but agree and say what he wanted, he would start over. This could go on for hours. I always remember this happening; as a kid, I was very often late to come out to play, and missed other's birthday parties because he wanted to have a ""discussion"". I could see the other kids gather outside, wait for me and eventually leave because I didn't show up - the discussion wasn't finished.

This was my only reality. If I didn't do what he said, he would make increasing threats about removing ""privilegies"" (=anything I enjoyed). The purpose of this was to force me into submission. Nothing else. To end it, I had to recite long, detailed apologies and sound suitably humbled, and ""llike you mean it"". Of course there was no sincerity - he only wanted me to debase myself and beg for forgiveness. I often did. I'm deeply ashamed of it, but I was a kid, and I wanted to keep what friendships I had.

Sometimes I didn't give up. Or, sometimes my frustration rose and I started talking back. I want to remind you - I was a kid, and later a teenager. I was /not/ a problem child, and no one but he thought I was defiant in any way. But when I talked back, he continued repeating what he said, or told me to be quiet/sit down/have a discussion like an adult. This escalated, and we started shouting. I also started panicking, contributing to the shouting, because I knew what was about to happen. My pulse is quickening as I write this.

I was a kid, and he was trained in martial arts. When I shouted, he'd drag me down onto the floor, sort of get into a big spoon position behind me, pin my wrists with one hand and cover my mouth with the other. I was panicking, fight or flight mode, my mouth was covered (and I had been crying by this point, so either snot was blocking my nose, or his hand was). I couldn't breathe. I only wanted to get loose, get away, but I couldn't budge his grip. He wouldn't let go until I held still for a longer period of time. I was a kid. I was a kid who was panicking, who couldn't breathe, who felt deeply scared of a parent, and humiliated.

Limited oxygen is a good motivator to obey. Eventually, I gave up. I was a complete mess, everything hurt and I was terrified. He made me wash my face in cold water - and hen he made me apologise for causing such a scene.

My friend jokingly held her hand over my mouth the other day, and I panicked again. Similar things have happened many times. I was in bed with my ex, me as the little spoon, and he loosely grabbed my wrist - panic.

I realise as I start to cry while writing this that it wasn't nice, but I have no other reality to compare it to. I know it's not half as bad as what others were through, but I really would appreciate your thoughts on like - the severity? Or just some affirmation.

Thank you in advance <3",3.54012161751292,5.5488764123847165,4.557412384716733,83.18608513225908,74.07246376811594,7.72742272220533,28.804722813418465,8.525476647629121,2.2313077571703652,3083,130,591,58,65,1003,341,759,0.146,0.7390000000000001,0.115,-0.9821,2,0,1,0,1,0,141.0,6,6,0,5,23,26,3,3,32,2,64,15,12,9,2,129,131,60,0,24,27,3,6,2,1,6,2,7,1,9,49,40,1,7,15,5,1,10,18,11,0,6,53,16,94,15,85,62,4,73,0,2,1,0,78,30,0,15,31,405,143,3,0.0,0.08133412859214904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054896075884125484,0.057118861329271575,0.0,0.0,0.046681544245888086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129794008078018,0.0,0.06417462012227744,0.0,0.06449505272336026,0.10556887055857142,0.05731643248778282,0.12553765205893289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060711691849132415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051821586917832,0.0,0.059132337010563425,0.07197388661548566,0.0,0.0,0.16442441963521373,0.0,0.15080852539798698,0.04427090596580111,0.0,0.0,0.06967411109369892,0.0,0.07172032159134034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024855635865565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734481431623761,0.0,0.060799863925406275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338895979704065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591079844437979,0.0,0.0,0.058390140301538586,0.0,0.0,0.05303562737741118,0.0,0.17932316403035184,0.06585137171956143,0.07802605752290302,0.05757689724507342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035165720817861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404751346328296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760235237904448,0.07920811516712575,0.07348682152264692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0610156016161893,0.0,0.0,0.0754519476791858,0.0,0.07743552917186425,0.0726860625914964,0.0,0.07019505098815201,0.0,0.06707380739185695,0.06880119370973625,0.0,0.060749433070966474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990876028639814,0.09164329994391696,0.0695961358147806,0.0689640010950505,0.07477547453989275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931275800030835,0.0,0.05479247696332619,0.07295969402841665,0.0,0.10180008271128088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586756179000501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954865029338595,0.15662482787593235,0.0,0.08054113558637838,0.07622311278653461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648925336192905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568482490357988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866444460381409,0.0,0.08795260171046868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776238679636763,0.0,0.13059588053566454,0.054589949522334265,0.06872648929357779,0.0,0.05470186923094248,0.062492620120607474,0.0,0.15510058326984308,0.0,0.056784571423589676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058163421240446725,0.05284694296396742,0.13578503755737711,0.0,0.2915273923745925,0.0,0.10964135780762893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552484545488413,0.0,0.0631998924436621,0.0,0.0,0.18242105796260036,0.04398550045226824,0.0,0.21798860567759848,0.08005591539898571,0.0,0.0,0.06559406868252536,0.0,0.0466060383775898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056640030323921585,0.2429346691988437,0.16346368458452407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363540742237525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505622048612276,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mr_fishy,2018/01/10,"I'm back in therapy and it was probably the best decision I could have made. Hello, all. I've been reflecting on the events of 2017, what with it being the new year and all, and I just wanted to share a little of my happiness with everyone. 

I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years back because of extended trauma going back from elementary school all the way through to college. When I was diagnosed, I had actually sought out therapy for depression but due to some conversations with friends and the things I was currently studying in my Stress and Trauma class (I was a psych major) I realized that I fit almost every symptom listed for the PTSD diagnosis as well. 

I had been receiving therapy through my university's health program which allowed for a certain number of free visits every semester. But then my therapist left the university clinic and went into private practice. I continued to see her, but I couldn't afford the insurance copay and eventually stopped my visits altogether. On paper the fees were reasonable, but all my financial info was based on the fact that I was technically still considered my mom's dependent. In reality, she only paid for my insurance and I was living in poverty while trying to go to school because I was receiving pretty much no help from my family and couldn't find work. 

From then until just a few months ago, I wasn't receiving any treatment for my mental health issues. Last year was rather hellish for me. I was in a much better situation financially, I lived in a better apartment, had a job, and in a lot of other ways my life was objectively better. But emotionally, I was suffering. It hadn't been that bad for me since I had escaped the awful home life that traumatized me in the first place.

It took a lot of mental energy in a time where I didn't have much, but at my lowest point I finally researched therapy offices in my area. I got married two years ago and my partner's insurance covers most of the cost. Plus, we're fortunate enough that I can afford it without having to worry about still being able to eat afterwards, unlike when I was in college. So I called and made an appointment. 

That was back in October. I'm now going through CPT (cognitive processing therapy). It's really fucking hard, but so far it has absolutely been worth it. I'm putting a lot more time and effort into improving myself. I've been much more productive. I'm doing things I used to love again. Things that used to seem a distant dream or completely unachievable now feel like they might be things I can tackle - if not now, then *someday*. I'm more hopeful than I've probably ever been. My partner has been unbelievably supportive and has said they're really proud of me for all the work I've been doing. 

I'm not quite there, yet. It's still a struggle. But I'm making it. I feel like I can do this. And I hope that all of you reading this can claim some happiness for yourselves, too. 

Much love ~

TL;DR: I have gone untreated for over three years and just got back into therapy a few months ago. Already it's made a big difference and I feel like I'm getting my life back. ",4.986708174178762,6.548489635294121,6.124535905271203,75.23817131398016,69.45378151260505,9.980519480519485,30.49751718869366,10.230975488527342,3.353428571428571,2483,101,445,68,44,829,276,595,0.075,0.752,0.173,0.9962,6,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,1,1,10,28,29,2,2,31,1,52,13,0,9,9,85,89,38,0,8,17,1,4,3,3,1,9,1,1,2,28,26,1,1,10,2,5,12,9,9,1,3,41,6,58,21,66,41,26,89,1,2,1,3,21,31,1,14,47,324,86,13,0.06084268355310625,0.0,0.05937368248521455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180010379710855,0.0,0.06092515887100559,0.0,0.06714141425002215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041375111200632135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807056083456865,0.0508010993662539,0.07417827034520373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385064269370938,0.16143122782346445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212718252755212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379239612493576,0.0,0.0,0.04857793200293579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240371419063286,0.12350808615595092,0.0,0.0635676546079169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622572546674284,0.0,0.0684398297959223,0.0,0.06286675638485964,0.0,0.0,0.05503569058315555,0.10252517003383256,0.058137791490915525,0.0,0.0,0.05735706719370023,0.0,0.09229166676762993,0.13039807586184632,0.0,0.06665018586555091,0.05560911050938945,0.05175275554877288,0.0,0.0,0.047006906386327735,0.05624808053890548,0.03178779096734164,0.0,0.10373489755026896,0.0,0.09732290424467588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953633601477024,0.05450309374261654,0.0,0.0,0.12934585496960482,0.0,0.0,0.04078156827692098,0.0,0.061030172412956614,0.12086102618354105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350395420399334,0.06037697524637415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049594907660580716,0.0,0.0,0.06610575370373938,0.0,0.1289249601764358,0.08917398570417838,0.060980352866696674,0.10745040853405803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517882140569214,0.10982579472728438,0.17271245487747888,0.040612963722879016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226302293392717,0.0645444723602912,0.0,0.07125821563029325,0.09712809907805853,0.0,0.22363186530213805,0.0,0.0,0.058762242910348615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462736025184613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635676546079169,0.0,0.05751600205096909,0.0,0.0,0.06189888251308245,0.13119740691917295,0.0,0.1422436823296533,0.061163701832830625,0.0,0.06471368323268085,0.06085914844735884,0.0,0.07795476210014395,0.06255641202722947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0578753248933442,0.0,0.0,0.123152087983185,0.04848374146303104,0.05538889401536347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050329696566073036,0.06838972552220178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576713703762698,0.05086720780542316,0.06969508844411343,0.06360598321259457,0.0,0.0,0.06904355627764455,0.0,0.06323884445913296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.417473466812562,0.07064304505458152,0.16168470174815142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095571612743287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759846012015765,0.04130818831391942,0.0,0.05943446104369037,0.0,0.0,0.10509708729634844,0.0,0.0,0.03588659113919635,0.09658818042129476,0.0,0.0,0.054704879426791295,0.05640177721049205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865017576896865,0.0,0.08858839651905025,0.06178869852232085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959034670123138
ptsd,tiravalo23,2018/01/10,"Anxiety to rule the day and bad dreams to rule the night I went no contact with my abusive, narcissistic mother about 7 years ago...FINALLY. But the nightmares are still going. I have found some relief through Topomax and therapy, but I still wake my husband up yelling at least once a week. I wonder if I will EVER be free of these nightmares.",6.404538461538461,6.983355261538462,6.178269230769235,79.71048076923078,65.61538461538461,8.961538461538463,34.71153846153846,8.841846274778883,2.9118461538461538,272,12,50,4,4,85,52,65,0.118,0.7559999999999999,0.126,0.3716,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,4,1,1,0,1,10,8,5,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,7,3,8,4,2,11,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,7,35,8,0,0.0,0.3039191762293568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22737822232541166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962273631122048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21417286012177136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654259719130051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23202551535333935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812469870934629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577899546755646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24071470109775944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731718761444071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096940819598237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933384235367945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575466354484992,0.0,0.0,0.2377848135535889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27817119762658976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518227503426675
ptsd,DysfunctionalCutwork,2018/01/10,"Anyone else here have PTSD related to a physical injury that can never be repaired? Edit: sorry I realized I probably should have put a trigger warning in the title. 

#[TW: Physical injury of sexual organs, medical negligence, suicide]

Look in my post history for more details (on /r/suicidewatch), but the basic gist is that I had surgery a few months ago, and the surgeon managed to amputate my sexual organ. I'm being vague here with vocabulary because I'm intersex and my anatomy is unusual, but I'm a guy and still have a penis, but it is not the source of my sexual sensation. The organ that was amputated was.

I previously had issues with trauma, but it was all the kind that was easy to dismiss as not being severe enough for PTSD. This is on a whole new level, and I'm seriously struggling with functioning day to day. The only way I'm able to is to shut everything related to this event out of my mind. I feel like I'm swatting flies in a dump. I'm completely numb most of the time, because allowing any emotion in opens the floodgates to the horror and pain of what happened to me, and it's just absolutely unbearable.

I'm struggling to see how I can live with this, or how it can ever get any better. I've lost sexual function, and have this constant physically painful and uncomfortable reminder on my body of the trauma that was done to me.

How on earth do you cope when you cannot separate yourself from the source of trauma, and it will never go away?",6.75304328621908,6.669126678445232,7.903178003533572,69.9040956272085,64.90106007067139,11.456625441696112,35.3553445229682,11.080906280650957,4.113198056537103,1162,50,206,31,16,398,153,283,0.181,0.76,0.059,-0.9877,0,0,0,0,0,2,35.0,0,2,0,2,9,14,1,2,19,0,27,8,1,5,4,37,42,19,1,1,8,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,1,15,15,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,11,0,0,9,3,16,3,36,28,6,30,0,1,2,0,3,13,0,2,14,146,31,2,0.130586350453756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575692054773284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760639261063718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130901252114837,0.13380114802080995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269017489109572,0.0,0.0,0.15920845435585146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549301498913915,0.0,0.14505199676871405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691730394147592,0.14111745318959862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843478580688254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363517512667608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090881393296121,0.14689206781822556,0.0,0.1349306079505603,0.0,0.0,0.1181228301950779,0.0,0.0,0.11736259153135055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602838247022984,0.09329091485654983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822597835923508,0.0,0.07421523232649667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930101770599015,0.1154770784382112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629822247474765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598558882857012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379789466035997,0.0,0.11531013990351345,0.0,0.109659645368379,0.0,0.1425504274897942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315520097013126,0.0,0.0,0.13185498797432346,0.0,0.1042327790657332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014324877261648,0.12612111100329265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993168039664005,0.2779061678101538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506562633335974,0.0,0.14079417243009218,0.0,0.3052969110792042,0.13127535039803948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406041423985536,0.0,0.0,0.14752540608588058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618072807100027,0.0,0.0,0.10428642815763513,0.0,0.0,0.2730344136614447,0.0,0.14284027237407435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614595109719742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365336669590294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14579499677419086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CrazyStupidNSmart,2018/01/10,"Involuntary shouting, growling, whining, laughing and a strong urge to scream and punch things, and restlessness at bedtime. I've had a lot of traumatic experiences in my life and I started meditation a while back and ever since then this has been happening to me. It's like ""old junk"" is coming up from the past. And it's been happening for years, I'm wondering if it will ever end. Anyone experience this?",5.23,7.311567933333332,6.119666666666667,73.45150000000002,69.66666666666666,9.8,32.5,10.125756701596842,3.6894,325,15,56,9,6,107,58,75,0.132,0.755,0.113,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,4,0,6,1,0,0,2,12,12,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,2,3,3,8,8,1,14,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,11,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582412625308484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740184741203612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949460859684025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044354914557244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094208286275544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427493468400462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002504940288131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984949483661745,0.11056366857025413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19240072812196488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23747434843677365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160385688084205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720602807300624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018343196844784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035035416269424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454236165776034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573626485890004
ptsd,moonpieee,2018/01/10,"Does your ptsd get blamed for a lot of your medical issues? I find that any time I have a physical / medical issue it’s almost always first blamed on ptsd, anxiety, depression, or adhd. 

Does anyone else get this often? ",3.339146341463416,5.835913097560978,5.1001829268292695,76.75320121951222,76.5609756097561,8.978048780487804,22.445121951219512,9.516144504307137,2.467336585365853,171,5,29,5,4,58,33,41,0.272,0.728,0.0,-0.8992,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,4,2,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278330895332982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983262796709244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774212625692632,0.0,0.0,0.12891794190108513,0.0,0.14502485231811113,0.0,0.0,0.13255570138235948,0.19424265504520105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632812283855774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317978553049569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583661286226713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326870840436465,0.16125294988828526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980909039359381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957354477604162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117043718424487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819550432697448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432075767832736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054308524887448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,soggylemonslices,2018/01/10,"Boyfriend triggered me today (accidentally) My boyfriend was driving us around today in an area that he is not familiar with but I am very familiar with, as I used to live in the area. Anyway, I was directing him as we went along and there was a bit of a communication mixup. I told him something like ""get into the left lane and turn, not here, but at the next turn,"" but before I finished the sentence he had already started turning. Then he swerved into the other lane to correct himself.

This caused me to apologize profusely and once we were in the right lane he was like"" gosh, get better at giving directions!"" which immediately triggered me. My ex used to constantly undermine me and especially my sense of direction. I started crying and hyperventilating. My boyfriend of course, was just joking (we ~fake~ get mad at each other all the time) and felt so bad.

I'm so mad that I can't just joke around with my boyfriend without being triggered. And it's the most random things. Giving directions, picking a movie to watch, etc. It makes me feel guilty (for making him feel bad) and it makes him feel guilty (for making ME feel bad) and then it seems like he walks on eggshells afterwards.

Im so sick of my triggers. So over them!!! ",4.4491424682395655,6.461336318965517,4.8376225045372045,82.12752268602542,71.58620689655173,7.642831215970963,28.58983666061706,8.371475516178862,2.060220689655172,974,38,182,16,19,308,126,232,0.146,0.757,0.097,-0.9581,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,4,0,1,1,11,12,2,0,12,0,11,1,0,12,2,51,36,20,0,0,8,1,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,21,0,0,6,2,0,3,4,6,0,0,10,6,29,6,30,25,5,30,0,0,1,0,20,16,0,3,14,122,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110802354384354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152932934152116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976001536232946,0.0,0.0,0.10109719758270913,0.0,0.0,0.10507637476613207,0.1297080014822917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204895388061356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838967273290758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050544837413455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250277136574895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402923869394464,0.0,0.11407469545877293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621745578817456,0.2279436860650553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833345941415622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290856740178142,0.0,0.0,0.1741313487032771,0.0,0.10490999369941212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172221177311724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263540810455009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652706830659596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014617242761848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081587050518724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914645106238396,0.0,0.0,0.1681863937722108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893102163642972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927813335867197,0.0,0.2252329422289029,0.11352651743667293,0.0,0.0,0.3876882668939962,0.0,0.0,0.14291187647408382,0.20522462253071305,0.0,0.0980293724620774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013657691050753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452705772526928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,duchesscalico,2018/01/10,"Please tell me that you can escape from this? Sometimes I feel like I can never escape my ptsd. I get triggered a lot it seems like. I thought maybe I had bipolar. Now I’m starting to think that this is how I react when I get triggered? I’m diagnosed ptsd/anxiety/major depression, and they said possibility of bipolar 2. 
When I freak out, I can get mad and impulsive, or cry and want to hide in the smallest, darkest spot possible. I hate people seeing me react though, so if I get triggered in public, I’ll just hold it in so no one can tell. Which actually feels way worse than just letting it out. 
Then I have night terrors all the time. 
My question is, does this ever end? I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly running. It’s exhausting. ",2.0569144144144147,4.362330682432436,3.6458378378378384,86.49736036036037,80.01351351351352,6.3790990990991,26.082882882882885,7.554174236665415,1.5137607207207209,583,24,115,9,15,193,94,148,0.231,0.669,0.1,-0.975,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,0,10,9,2,1,3,0,9,5,0,6,3,28,28,12,0,2,4,0,3,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,3,5,18,3,11,24,2,18,0,1,1,0,7,5,0,5,14,72,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.13788361763513596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268978727215382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520601249259358,0.0,0.0,0.1216972467881122,0.1434115336421602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236482781274211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514550374458544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780949065342534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432911618150385,0.20188246913346564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952833937021197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949964072363158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448379402734735,0.0,0.20708891941977686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012402566351275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194990087265344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089754775381527,0.0,0.0,0.13259586254229336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574520407517552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979562189099499,0.0,0.0,0.15509956954097828,0.0,0.318577949180734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303327785040077,0.0,0.15828282835262028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344039789024432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259388654348855,0.12862973566696484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139744448663105,0.0,0.10000938603750888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469962583993349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053618307945936,0.1388217003321482,0.1121725120206368,0.08239029837822978,0.1623979110167361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333949998970706,0.11215345907338503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399175938341818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,happehkitteh,2018/01/10,"Flashbacks I don't really want to go into details of my flashbacks. I have several. I don't really know much about flashbacks.
I know they can be intense.

But some of mine seem like hallucinations. Does that happen to anyone else?
I get disoriented, no idea where I'm at, can clearly see a location from my past that had bad energy.",1.9251562500000008,4.663298703125005,4.123750000000001,79.74625000000002,85.40625,7.575,23.625,8.472884824447931,2.15306875,263,10,48,7,8,90,48,64,0.14800000000000002,0.72,0.132,-0.2591,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,9,16,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,9,1,8,14,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,2,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870097383870092,0.27403776468897545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223312539868404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23405040096679036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234231192942902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973343936014168,0.0,0.15200001400184565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23650828797895784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30192249955315564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29397094939306284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066429326801174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966091303500538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25531467322873863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426751809820929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312584931232167,0.2434796639713893,0.0,0.3021463800319593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15775103126678355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DovahBah,2018/01/10,"Using Meditation to Help with PTSD Symptoms? I have been seeing a therapist for my PTSD for a while, as well as the frustration and stress from dealing with fibromyalgia. I am going to be leaving town for a few months, so I won't be able to consult with my therapist until I get back, but today before I walked out of the door from my appointment, he mentioned meditation. He stated that it has helped some other clients of his, but didn't go into enough detail to help me comprehend how I *could* or how *to* meditate. 

So, **to get to the point here,** do any of you guys meditate? What do you do? Does it help? I'm just about willing to try anything at this point, as Zoloft and marijuana are just barely keeping me afloat some days. ",2.176666666666666,4.6150391608391645,3.558769230769233,86.52789743589744,80.46853146853147,6.890256410256409,23.519347319347318,8.021203637495839,1.4374348717948715,572,20,113,11,15,187,93,143,0.028,0.89,0.08199999999999999,0.8181,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,0,10,3,1,1,6,0,14,2,0,3,0,19,22,14,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,6,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,2,1,14,1,27,15,4,16,0,0,1,0,13,6,0,3,6,86,20,1,0.15640359046151767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635980482147947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870682850025858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202647068474253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330879358139944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487554030753673,0.0,0.0,0.10086737690147077,0.1612452341072137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686983599807087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160671826184755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342884139201014,0.0,0.17777552956287415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548641442943661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193361193606543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901869751308996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656088194030635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483985372909155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957038941884185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656548550723728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463341195670954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915978444109654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256321635472776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36319324666300734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482523159657007,0.0,0.0,0.10618777132205663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508248519190486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062561114100874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,blehblo,2018/01/11,"Has anyone survived a terrorist attack/assassination attempt? How are you getting on today? Just wondering if you're doing okay. 

I was stuck in the Bataclan for four hours during the Paris attacks of Nov 13th 2015. I'm better today but I still have PTSD. Noises reminding me of gunshots are the worst and I think I'll struggle with this all my life.
",2.74818181818182,5.6467701060606075,4.0759848484848495,80.53397727272728,82.78787878787878,6.330303030303031,24.91666666666667,7.6454224807358475,1.803339393939395,281,11,47,5,8,92,56,66,0.21600000000000005,0.706,0.078,-0.8936,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,3,5,1,1,4,1,6,1,0,1,1,9,11,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,6,2,6,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230723038437787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5606917370581973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794432983174408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874774402605102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426805930711483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17405841746409245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880595449478736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967966261639242,0.0,0.0,0.2576186201046127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790023513437088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671672653283442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672391699046285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,1029384756throeaway,2018/01/11,"Experience reporting sexual abuse? Is it worth it? (X-post from /r/rapecounseling) I was raped repeatedly by a family member over the course of about 4 years as a child. In my state there is no statute of limitations on reporting and after years and years of trauma counseling I finally feel the urge to report what happened and press charges. Do any of you have experience with this? What are the first steps? Is it even worth the trouble? Will I have to see him again? 

I’m a little torn because as much as I want justice for what happened to me I definitely don’t want to re-traumatize myself by reliving everything in front of strangers  just to have my rapist get off. I know that happens often, and I’m worried that after ten years it’s no longer realistic to have him convicted. 

Any advice or personal experiences would be really helpful",4.243854447439354,6.555658295597485,5.38897124887691,76.65466981132076,72.9622641509434,9.574303683737648,28.96720575022462,9.957137785484203,3.2328451033243493,675,28,122,20,14,223,105,159,0.179,0.73,0.091,-0.9515,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,0,2,6,4,2,0,7,0,14,2,0,0,0,14,25,8,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,10,5,0,1,2,0,2,2,3,4,0,2,1,3,13,0,27,21,1,19,0,0,1,2,6,6,0,2,10,86,23,3,0.0,0.18876388076734946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568214088343044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166812285222453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711779788405993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522697874698332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318330630878676,0.4675260248433887,0.15018932183285658,0.0,0.0805551580699647,0.0,0.0,0.17452332737613185,0.0,0.13551444728864231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323624274279517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226488954765139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678642375675426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755612620378472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967688534785118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711588417349855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391089341645589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525810707682457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206216449250588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695454294517985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879378793161476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179353621172352,0.0,0.11317379857662355,0.0,0.0,0.4103781493000244
ptsd,Amore17,2018/01/11,"Home alone this weekend I could use some support. I live with my boyfriend, but he is going out of town this weekend. The last time I was home all alone overnight was around 6 months ago. I also had one of the worse panic attacks I've had in a while last night. It doesn't help that my grandmother is in a nursing home with dementia and rapidly declining. 

I'm just bracing for a week full of panic attacks. I'm at work today and am almost tearing up, I'm trying to hold it together because I've already taken a fair amount of sick time off (from being physically sick). My boss is fairly understanding, but she is out sick today. ",5.023333333333333,5.513384150793655,5.723928571428572,82.07732142857144,68.60317460317461,8.204761904761906,30.829365079365076,8.07648339933343,2.092288888888889,497,19,98,6,8,162,83,126,0.26,0.705,0.034,-0.9869,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,2,6,0,12,3,0,2,1,18,20,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,5,7,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,4,0,1,5,0,8,1,17,13,4,24,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,2,13,59,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301227037819481,0.0,0.14699149533144476,0.3040655415598084,0.16198918578406055,0.11738991777182392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067645634221142,0.0,0.3339953451514747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948335204367186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172018751783506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342556666533855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839192566863936,0.0,0.4417345708844261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23931097671123264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962047631124324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716838155820553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377548272942204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947040427010877,0.0,0.0,0.34445876618544746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657840157199122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119178692611456,0.0,0.2782842722909888,0.0,0.0,0.09966247905158246,0.0,0.0,0.15281618055425664,0.0,0.12678159813565593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774809769549653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686669607969808,0.0,0.14959410923796265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kaitmeister,2018/01/11,"My therapist doesn't believe in diagnoses, and I feel like it's keeping me from getting treatments and accommodations. Heads up - most likely triggering. 

Hi Reddit! Quick background: I'm a 29yo woman with significant trauma from my borderline mom, my brother, and multiple abusive and manipulative partners. In the past two months, I was hospitalized twice, spent three weeks in residential treatment, and lost my job. This is definitely a low point, but I've never been able to work a full time job in my life - I attempt suicide every time I try. I've never had a real relationship or connect to people in a real way. I've been on too many meds to count and in therapy on and off for 15 years. My hospital/residential therapists have all agreed on my diagnosis of severe depression, recurrent, psychotic; (C)PTSD, severe, and alcohol use disorder, moderate. Basically, I'm completely falling apart.

I've had two things suggested to me: trying to get a service dog or applying for disability benefits. I feel like either one would be extremely helpful to me, especially getting a dog - Animals are my only real passion and I feel such a strong connection to dogs. The problem is that my current primary therapist (seeing her for a year) doesn't believe in diagnoses. She believes I'm able to get past everything that has happened so I can function like a ""normal"" person. She was willing to write down diagnoses of MDD and PTSD for FMLA, but nothing beyond that. 

Am I just kidding myself, and thinking that my PTSD is worse than it really is? Or are there actually therapists out there who don't believe in psychiatric diagnoses? Am I fooling myself in thinking I could actually get a service dog who could get me out of bed, make me take my meds, and help be be in public/hold a job, and help me stop being afraid of everyone in my life? 

TL;DR:
Severe C-PTSD and depression such that I can't work full time or have real relationships, but my therapist disagrees because she doesn't believe in diagnoses. I want to try for a service dog, but she won't sign off on the paperwork that says I'm significantly disabled. Am I overreacting or do I need to find a new therapist?",6.644832692307695,7.7210780025,7.815000000000001,66.4346153846154,65.225,11.453846153846154,37.384615384615394,11.285456440507946,4.801057692307691,1731,88,283,53,26,590,204,400,0.138,0.7659999999999999,0.096,-0.9687,5,0,1,0,0,1,59.0,0,0,0,5,9,15,0,1,17,0,34,10,1,4,3,57,59,24,1,7,11,2,3,4,1,3,8,1,1,4,12,17,1,2,6,0,1,1,8,8,0,5,8,5,40,7,47,42,5,45,0,4,1,1,22,28,0,6,19,193,52,8,0.12138424971309315,0.07191024350530753,0.11845351783145078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648614238178578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03699735598861439,0.0,0.0,0.3418962061993903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363453819609201,0.0,0.0,0.09691544626961106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454807641180366,0.3080061458510153,0.0,0.0,0.06955843320470974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113573282152142,0.05799392620430156,0.05454616837026193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920632857653402,0.08671693224875365,0.0,0.0,0.05547150258833468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902547815748215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366984557182373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228762978126181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204195586877445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18068270691488,0.05394594920718846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573728533109773,0.118604426109069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625262375050803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04051246462381799,0.06153228859886518,0.0,0.0,0.13483053731095326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108188310454097,0.04844387502384909,0.0,0.0,0.04500244155400762,0.09361901648036712,0.058616832383020664,0.0,0.0,0.059465396201166365,0.05823573067551565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112655452733297,0.04615909584529297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587500126529328,0.04207627752433755,0.052994022420350166,0.0,0.0,0.05737367541784879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058074166837214426,0.2837833844219224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276323701135408,0.038880929293780085,0.0,0.0,0.13032125740453665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048264813689445824,0.0,0.0,0.048363765674773136,0.0,0.0,0.20569447728415646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050741333993527114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638733386258817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045632924663989695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694067341445905,0.4228094088213913,0.040321150929047526,0.07777812593496547,0.0,0.0,0.10617019823097458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361790652566343,0.0,0.11857477414837166,0.0,0.0,0.05241850927467601,0.0,0.0,0.03579778771912413,0.048174583725248785,0.04868356166738511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836917947056852,0.0,0.06185046030210677,0.04311394415595909,0.0,0.0,0.07816747707627819
ptsd,madredegatos,2018/01/12,Applying for disability? I'm curious if anyone here has had success applying for disability for PTSD resulting from domestic violence. ,9.164285714285716,13.020558047619051,11.543095238095233,31.006071428571428,63.76190476190475,19.438095238095237,53.35714285714285,14.554592549557764,12.097742857142858,113,9,11,8,2,41,17,21,0.151,0.627,0.221,0.2263,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133375684083342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8581867750441153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,skookumbritches,2018/01/12,"A shadow just set me off. It's 1 AM. I'm sitting here minding my own business and I see something that looks like a very large person walking past my living room window towards my front door in the dark. Two lamps are on in the living room, the front porch light is off, front porch window blind is 100% open. Side porch light is on. Streetlight is on. It takes me a full 15 minutes after getting my gun and checking all of the windows and door locks to calm down enough to even consider it's something other than a person. I'm still not confident it wasn't. Though my driveway alarm didn't go off, that's not impossible. Unlikely, but not impossible. To people that don't have PTSD it's difficult to explain the sheer panic your body goes into at a moment like this, and the time it takes to calm down and snap back into reality. I broke down in tears. I should be able to sit in my living room without freaking the f out because of a shadow. I guess I'll be shutting my blinds from now on. Good Grief. ",3.2433066502463066,4.749372403940889,4.122657019704434,88.1030003078818,73.72906403940887,6.4543103448275865,25.002770935960587,6.9077264865688965,0.901325369458128,790,25,162,7,16,254,121,203,0.121,0.8,0.079,-0.8256,0,0,2,1,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,2,13,0,13,3,1,0,1,20,23,7,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,12,2,11,9,0,0,1,0,1,5,7,6,0,1,2,6,14,5,31,18,4,41,0,2,4,0,4,26,0,1,9,103,25,0,0.1718289701782811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212587169775028,0.0,0.10474534536183976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086324979958588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754525897317708,0.0,0.11349141424514117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977354493894478,0.0,0.09765436355248884,0.14412198781526994,0.0,0.0,0.1892889828207661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789391082514638,0.0,0.455184386160269,0.0,0.14429305871777745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349827694680006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016042738843704,0.0,0.0,0.16403019488841222,0.11912457263658675,0.3000688580146588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008588709580599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692544246032565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645646720943748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722283754490466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25838800238975834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688210907768278,0.0,0.10019485432293017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785193613829505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177689578260874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165636995520763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Sammi1533,2018/01/12,"Nightmares I have recurring, very “real” feeling, deeply emotional dreams/nightmares. 2 to 5 nights per week, same type of dream. How in the world do I make them stop?... so difficult. Typically involving a particular person, but someone I haven’t seen in 2+ years, seen regularly in approximately 4 years. ",5.287169811320755,8.144624132075469,6.355320754716981,68.37788679245286,71.83018867924528,10.277735849056604,33.241509433962264,10.355215969177356,4.348452075471698,241,12,39,8,5,80,44,53,0.047,0.858,0.095,0.0554,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,7,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,5,5,1,10,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,6,18,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687579396778373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575769298933615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21882510332531416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076406696371905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862433213934706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731355461439856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777642592635459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740755902436485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27048917914492376,0.0,0.0,0.2629606841013236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222158885351884
ptsd,saijanai,2018/01/12,"Veterans who learn Transcendental Meditation find relief from PTSD, new study shows (After one month, 80 percent had symptoms reduced to below the clinical level) 

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-01/muom-vwl011018.php

This is a non-controlled study, but it replicates similar results found in pilot studies on Congolese refugees living in tent cities:

[Reduction in posttraumatic stress symptoms in Congolese refugees practicing transcendental meditation.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23568415)

[Significant reductions in posttraumatic stress symptoms in Congolese refugees within 10 days of Transcendental Meditation practice.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24515537)",25.385649350649352,29.090108831168838,14.904512987012987,22.4910551948052,25.623376623376608,16.531168831168834,63.40584415584416,14.90622815163357,10.686457142857142,608,34,39,17,4,150,60,77,0.093,0.8809999999999999,0.026,-0.7469,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,5,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,13,1,1,14,0,0,0,0,1,10,0,0,4,22,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345911302272896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489112949715798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116878077548835,0.0,0.0,0.22933354006020695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18469243083663134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669498047146263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20200838010001398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173247378628318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444972691964233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4791849738956479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.652193103728675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,molesterman666666,2018/01/13,"second hand depression i have a gf that has ptsd about her past. She had to saw her mom had sex with other guy in front of her eyes when she was 9 years old. Then, she also threatened by her mom at age 11 years old. her mom want to stab her and her dad. With this life experience, she had a ptsd in her life for a very long time. she grows up with her father and her little sister. now, she's 22 years old. 

i got my second hand depression while i have a relationship with her. when she tells me about her past, i got a really deep sympathy and empathy feeling about her. but, i can't do much to relieve her pain and i can't make her happy while she was in the ptsd state. so, i just listen to her and can't do much. i have a horror vacui about make others happy (the state when you fear of emptiness; ex: horror vacui for being poor means fear of not having money), so when i cant make other person happy, i feel depressed and sad. Im afraid that i can't make other people happy. i'm actually feeling sad and depressed right now because i can't make my gf relieve her pain. so what should i do? and also what should i do to relieve the pain? some of my friends told me to just listen to her. i can't, then i feel sad when i cant do nothing to relieve her pain.",1.9937953620109743,3.135561397769518,3.618353690918749,91.93593556381664,76.28624535315984,6.313400601876437,20.24446804744203,6.655083550727371,0.0713992211010801,972,20,225,8,21,324,113,269,0.28600000000000003,0.628,0.086,-0.9972,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,0,18,23,0,3,9,0,26,10,3,5,0,30,44,23,0,3,4,7,6,0,3,2,6,2,0,2,9,12,0,0,5,0,2,2,9,14,0,2,9,10,50,9,28,32,3,34,0,7,2,1,45,8,0,1,22,155,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.08395209532766174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759505013273635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244260556697306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963873167443239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841530713125203,0.0,0.193613548894546,0.17399580604542114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646595125687524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137610830130817,0.0,0.0,0.0851824395682819,0.0,0.3663187585582587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292630531399433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215299449610798,0.0,0.08622386523278608,0.0,0.07613314025012212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28712581562134565,0.0,0.0,0.0937110258093232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022690994261565,0.0,0.0,0.12648273031623505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254734350909815,0.0,0.2708195405123506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36616456335972897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424922333094175,0.05964181944824345,0.07511738449777353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016906147349991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551125123551685,0.0,0.0,0.09236317185965,0.0,0.07346847198551418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519331805460533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016432192711099,0.0,0.0,0.08220459316466505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098310477045723,0.05074225471955323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619996452198604
ptsd,Lurkingsenpai,2018/01/13,question about ptsd My ex gf always claimed that she has ptsd from a traumatic event when she was a child. Basicaly she saw her father slap her mother in the face. She says that that caused her ptsd. I dont want to be mean or anything but she is basicaly acting like a bitch and doesnt want to help others because she has ptsd. Uses it as an excuse for everything.,1.5258108108108104,3.884315567567569,2.6877702702702737,92.26787162162165,82.51351351351352,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.4683567567567573,288,8,60,4,8,92,55,74,0.163,0.7609999999999999,0.076,-0.7834,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,5,0,7,1,1,2,0,9,12,5,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,11,1,7,9,0,4,0,0,1,0,18,1,1,2,3,39,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454204202299163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438186227845467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653654322605552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795341914546293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482601106375734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570696086007456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714285845009464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538249039241387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19037285893705475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8171746329820571,0.0,0.19577940880130545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389819967541885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509428614548967,0.0,0.0,0.20616460051411686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Mrpoopybutthole2545,2018/01/13,I lost the first job I’ve had since my breakdown  I had a breakdown and I finally get a job nothing too serious. Something to help me get back on my feet. I got fired. No one told me why. Just... “we are rehiring someone.” I can’t help but think what did I do? What did I say to someone so they didn’t like me? Did I do things the wrong way?  Now I have therapy and medication and no job. ,-1.2389610389610368,0.7641532857142863,1.576277056277057,97.36266233766236,93.5238095238095,5.435497835497836,20.731601731601728,6.980632752743323,0.4102523809523815,292,11,73,5,11,101,53,84,0.158,0.7390000000000001,0.103,-0.6791,3,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,1,2,5,4,0,0,4,0,11,2,1,0,0,7,17,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,9,2,16,1,3,8,0,6,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,50,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223839044367584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026368169020619,0.0,0.15734410210751146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328908672404893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794560038877902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797671834192614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5506930514543456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037200411321672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192778912268572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634813617471604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749353425660933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253474015038423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471037155815795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530175703991096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134663230236457,0.14240683010609612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154103162496588,0.0,0.12289265543120866,0.11852787197754545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17675655148508748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468287085531554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691589949627697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224685948914287,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Brainmushsoup,2018/01/14,"Non-combat PTSD I was diagnosed with PTSD from years of childhood sex abuse. I know what I went through was traumatic, but sometimes I can't help but to feel like I don't ""deserve"" the diagnosis because I have never been in the military or a police officer or anything like that. 

I feel like because I've never been in an actual combat situation, and because the abuse happened when I was a kid, I should have been able to get over it without developing PTSD. 

Just wanted to vent a little and was curious if anyone has had similar feelings.",6.755993589743589,6.8596969711538485,7.621923076923077,71.2897435897436,64.86538461538461,10.77948717948718,36.56410256410256,10.504223727775694,3.9883256410256402,431,20,76,10,6,145,68,104,0.155,0.731,0.114,-0.6633,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,7,0,14,2,0,0,2,18,22,8,0,3,7,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,9,3,9,3,11,12,0,10,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,8,55,12,0,0.1545246747939157,0.3661729431379545,0.15079379214654287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080472454935523,0.0,0.12716064099981245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28259042252458066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568392921969734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343969555683471,0.22078491709652664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073276480906738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664565959468425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357463227401244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492272009737041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264788522844823,0.15487431923215114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383579106901962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5418932270046927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369220879843747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528288545568861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114265678972376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432459216504301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895627227545555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950882427681113
ptsd,emro95,2018/01/14,"Possible trauma from hospitalization, and people think I need to get over it. I was 21 at the time, now I'm 22. In May of 2017, I got really sick out of no where. In a matter of 3 days, I went from feeling slightly out of it, to intense thunderclap headaches, pale, body aches, delirium, and ultimately passing out. I didn't want to make a scene or go to the hospital because I was just starting a new full time job, but I had a feeling that I was going to die. I can't really explain that very well, but I just knew deep down that someone was very wrong. 

At 4AM I took an uber to the hospital and when I got there, upon checking my vitals (very low blood pressure and 160 resting heart rate) the nurses helped me onto a wheelchair and wheeled me into a bed in the intensive care unit. At this point, my memory is very groggy but I remember multiple people helping me take my clothes off to change me into a gown, and then doing an ECG on me. They got an IV into me and gave me a valium injection, as well as nausea medicine. I thought that was odd because I didn't feel nauseous at the time. 

The doctor came in and asked me what was wrong. I just cried and said my head hurt so bad, and he said ""what, you think you have a brain aneurysm?"" I said I didn't know what was wrong. 

After they took my blood, a few hours they sent me home because the brain CT came out relatively normal. I still felt extremely sick with a feeling of overall dread. I'm going to die. It wasn't anxiety, it was just something I subconsciously knew. 

They discharge me at 3AM and got me an ambulance to take me home. They ruled it as a ""nasty fever"" and told me to rest for a few days.

At 6AM, I woke up to multiple voicemails from the ER doctor telling me that my blood culture came back positive and that I immediately need to go back to the emergency room, or any hospital near by that I can get to. That was the closest one so I took an uber back. An ambulance would cost too much money and I was having issues with my health insurance at the time. 

Positive blood cultures mean that there's bacteria in your blood. I was diagnosed with bacteremia and severe sepsis. I stayed at the hospital for 2 weeks while I received antibiotics and more image screening.

Being septic eventually gave me a condition called pancytopenia, which is a lack in all blood cells (red, white, and platelets) and the antibiotics I was on (clindamycin) wiped out all the good bugs I had in my stomach so I caught C.diff, which dehydrated me and I had to stay in the hospital longer. 

I returned to work less than 2 weeks later, 15lbs lost and generally very weak. They understood that I was very sick and didn't push me too hard my fist few weeks back (I have a very physical job). 

Now I'm healthier, but I still have a constant fear of getting sick again. I try to explain this to my mom and friends, but they think I'm just being dramatic and a hypochondriac. I don't feel safe anywhere but the hospital. I'm constantly scared. I don't have a fear of death, but knowing that I could easily become diseased and suffer, and leave all that I love behind makes me sad. It makes me sad that people don't understand what I went through. They are not educated on sepsis and think well ""hey, she didn't have cancer"" (my coworker actually said that, and later attributed my sepsis to being a vegetarian). I really don't talk about it a lot, but when I do, I get eye rolls. It's like people think I enjoyed taking a month off work. 

I constantly suffer from panic attacks now, where I feel dizzy and can't breathe well, but there's not much I can do about that. Ativan doesn't help. My body and mind have been through hell and no one understands, or gives a shit. 

Thank you for reading, I just had to get this off my chest. ",4.297503851288898,5.271963004005343,5.1674198931909245,83.66956878401973,70.49532710280374,8.75219266714594,28.022003697237334,9.057496981413335,2.091907856629351,2946,102,608,56,52,961,320,749,0.2,0.711,0.08900000000000001,-0.9985,2,0,1,0,0,0,96.0,0,4,8,3,35,35,3,6,46,0,52,30,17,4,3,108,127,52,3,7,20,1,8,1,1,2,12,4,4,0,32,44,0,1,24,1,3,17,17,22,5,2,52,16,96,13,84,69,15,97,1,7,4,1,40,44,2,5,35,407,128,7,0.0,0.0,0.056167120328982266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03914058808815907,0.0,0.044030783639755815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380782518010635,0.06547915307824427,0.0,0.17703046221866126,0.048057512040953834,0.10525824730457882,0.06356694797061024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786522767422473,0.0,0.12850481637379566,0.0587719135931081,0.19748888914862334,0.05868297913857407,0.0,0.06088744767787262,0.0,0.0,0.18659531426167844,0.0,0.04595441006748184,0.0,0.06322342660402909,0.0742387306456631,0.0,0.0,0.05841892608270596,0.11946971334728115,0.0,0.0,0.11782361842629165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953477165325858,0.174614641899319,0.0,0.055263540530803734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044468229976329286,0.0,0.15035522520435107,0.055213713623936816,0.13084339119376756,0.04827590121254795,0.18413367824500287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051559574821819,0.0,0.05906986742106421,0.06118017188795756,0.0,0.06820506836411742,0.11573730094229055,0.0,0.11546829821346162,0.0,0.05668184013625106,0.0,0.061615729676280886,0.0,0.0,0.06007433071091892,0.11423245760805115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632634085326017,0.0,0.0,0.06094432567736888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028119338263541276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283003085818945,0.04893272108437178,0.05194724640171691,0.0,0.1152588044833292,0.0,0.0,0.0626962131468127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05811594611896946,0.0674098119605758,0.04594127734624807,0.0,0.08462172034519078,0.08535525482522445,0.0,0.05558870243846404,0.0,0.0,0.0563934296758337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800393535428934,0.0,0.0,0.06753048689936356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596105129485743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440976663091842,0.06488662798630755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057572361539364375,0.0,0.11061705253467276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520061834965589,0.0,0.21899873488041813,0.0,0.057624383504025774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502278512918817,0.059081213567633115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04876767787670039,0.04431002572185224,0.0,0.0,0.04073898927181177,0.12269575109626205,0.0919298470669782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982661979930665,0.046261964258508745,0.05030716775590553,0.05299055541786683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844003216758851,0.0,0.04569365881405352,0.13424729876746594,0.0,0.0,0.05499797542698658,0.1918431206234328,0.03907727946936669,0.0,0.0,0.11983728784970595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324326331563701,0.03394848354258933,0.0,0.13850574552490474,0.0,0.2070018511054764,0.10671143424998256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380405120191374,0.0,0.0,0.04088668928702457,0.18878792975276265,0.0,0.0
ptsd,zulu1979,2018/01/14,"Getting a job with PTSD in the US Federal Goverment- Advice For those in the US looking for a job : PTSD is considered a disability by the US Government.  It falls under ""Schedule A"" which means you are placed in a special category when applying for jobs. A simple note from your therapist is all that is required in terms of documentation. Reasonable accommodations are offered  (telework, a quiet office, ect). If you have any questions let me know. ",7.814050632911396,8.971984075949374,8.645417721518992,61.22078481012662,62.67088607594936,11.88962025316456,39.85063291139241,11.602472056035307,5.303848607594938,358,19,55,11,5,121,58,79,0.0,0.964,0.036000000000000004,0.4019,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,0,7,0,0,1,1,8,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,12,10,2,10,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,2,3,43,11,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057904335947615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174841312116562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585439637860065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892094046675427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031015957439027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803611970433574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799380949323106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900094684530862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168738215162874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841803759697711,0.0,0.18408453675550288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689561567749911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079702637212206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5929976625593704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bitterbabble,2018/01/14,"I just lost my service dog. Samson has been my best friend.
I had to put him down tonight. 
Kinda wanna die. 
Not okay. 
",-1.5637500000000024,-0.16037320833333268,0.04866666666666752,103.26300000000003,114.41666666666666,1.92,13.133333333333333,3.1291,-1.7166066666666662,89,2,20,0,5,28,22,24,0.237,0.531,0.231,0.2053,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,5,3,3,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,14,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4703800647331681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465182413751754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462942695028693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892859385332224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505856920729401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mina11544,2018/01/15,"Is it normal to not be able to remember a traumatic story that happened to someone else ? Hi guys,

My girlfriend was sexually assaulted and has told me what happened in detail. However, I am unable to remember what happened to her from the story she has told me. I feel my mind is trying to block it out bc I don't want that visual in my head of specific details. Is this normal? I usually have a very good memory. Thanks. ",1.9643641231593036,4.439499144578313,4.498232931726911,79.23829986613124,81.65060240963855,8.02623828647925,26.08969210174029,8.841846274778883,2.58900374832664,331,14,60,9,9,116,58,83,0.132,0.7959999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.6399,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,0,10,1,1,0,0,11,18,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,11,2,11,14,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,44,18,0,0.1836752869334396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343713353484895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287174389841854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405811626480534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186741145158028,0.4872703489148708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850383471527224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545967986420975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35992556647756785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161365894765589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562747456986836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910352665525044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510192157927989,0.0,0.12470346306531947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20229237910810366,0.15155134775226953,0.10833644309593246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IreneNB,2018/01/15,"Molested by father... Complacent mother... I'm 22/f, when I was around 7 years old during a custody battle between my father and mother, he was granted visiting rights to me and he constantly assaulted me for two years. By the time he lost visitation rights, I hadn't told anyone, and he went to prison overseas for something unrelated to me... He is back in the country now and I am constantly afraid of him... What's the point in pursuing it if I see in my country child murderers have gotten less than 10 years...?

By the time my mother found out, we never officially reported to the police, she grew up telling me to forget it, I was self harming, she couldn't understand why, I was extremely isolated, anxious and alone. I felt bullied by my mother at times, she is an emotional rollercoaster, even I can see that now... I have so much anger towards her now and she calls me every few days... She belittles my trauma, promotes mentally unhealthy ideas to me, makes me feel like she isn't my mother.

I am TIRED OF HER telling me that she did the best she could. BULLSHIT. By marrying a man you only knew for 3 months and letting this happen. I have worked so fucking hard over the past few years to get my mental health in check and she is holding me back, I haven't seen her since Christmas when she threw a temper tantrum because she didn't like her present.

She LOVES my brother. He has easily stolen 150k+ from her since teenagehood. He is 28, narcissistic cheater, and my mother let's his girlfriend who has been involved also in seuxal trauma (no secrets in my family) to be blindsided by my brother. I'm over it. I'm dirt fucking poor but I have a lovely fiance... I'm just venting... I'm  so sorry.",3.542689969604865,5.522227592705168,4.594323708206686,83.05160714285714,73.98480243161093,7.61793313069909,28.16337386018237,8.418075326091056,2.135223100303952,1334,54,251,24,28,435,181,329,0.161,0.779,0.06,-0.9712,0,1,1,0,0,0,61.0,1,1,0,4,14,19,9,1,12,0,28,6,0,1,1,28,53,17,1,3,3,10,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,3,8,12,0,1,7,0,2,5,7,14,0,1,17,6,54,5,35,31,5,43,0,1,3,4,53,16,2,1,24,169,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169308951242392,0.0,0.09028650923880016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275454576561585,0.0,0.07894267231070783,0.0,0.0,0.1005054037585039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362706994093913,0.0,0.0688231122771001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848213582290135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528405929810355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440107182604329,0.0,0.09014188259900714,0.0,0.0,0.0728114987477129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269978948915985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456973212602368,0.0,0.0951235618683238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064325673000124,0.0,0.05708589783890353,0.0806561577848738,0.1084022093900891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237895985240018,0.0,0.20874943264571635,0.058985864636780336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998375616036173,0.0,0.10113669468541198,0.0,0.0,0.12000797885584845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745095068862086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308968725902145,0.0,0.11031498760583708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324426006109447,0.0,0.2037942639067309,0.0,0.07536197727981192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275543498953784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011612210694726,0.0,0.08299487654700505,0.0,0.08707584515610813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847010931923307,0.0,0.0,0.08586593693202453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777632629537898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672748901969273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19283286334157146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993420266046048,0.0,0.11777987050739976,0.0,0.0,0.1867849623087466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691634014478518,0.0,0.12638289469593014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736007069102984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749961255558346,0.12976254541686175,0.0,0.10788129010561724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028740806446476,0.1175334284181744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10465991799272706,0.10187516346921444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821929270082135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29081694664310104
ptsd,yusoobsessedwifme,2018/01/15,"Being a young mom with PTSD When I first had my daughter I was unaware I had PTSD. I had shoved my childhood abuse in a closet to never look at it again.

But after months of sleep deprivation, fixating on having to be the perfect mom and excessive paranoid thoughts of my beautiful child dying or being kidnapped I was coming undone at the seems.

My husband pushes me to go to therapy and I learned that my erratic moods, my paranoia, my insomnia... just every little thing that made my life hard was real. It wasn't just me defective, born wrong. I knew I could do something to improve my life and my daughters.

However anger is a huge problem for me and one time when my daughter was about 1.5 years old, she was being a kid. An I just lost it, I screamed at her at the top of my lungs and slammed the kitchen cupboard so hard it broke off its hinges. The second I turned around and saw my daughters scared face I broke down.

I asked myself how I could do this? What kind of mother scares her child? I held her close and I promised myself I would die before I ever let my anger scare my child again. But its not so easy, the anger comes faster than I even have time to process whats happening and it bursts out of me. When I was young I used breaking this as a way to vent it, but I can't any longer go around destroying crap, especially not in front of a 2 year old.

My solution now? Lay down on the floor. Literally as fast as I can, lay down flat on the floor, face down and take a few deep breaths. Tell myself ""you're mental illness isnt who you are"" over and over again. When my daughter stops throwing a fit, or doing whatever it is that has dried up my patience levels and sees me, I pop up and go ""peek a boo"". She then laughs and goes ""again!""

The point is... My biggest fear is my mental health causing my child to be scarred, to have a broken childhood. It feels so good to take a moment I am not emotionally in control and turn it into something she sees as so innocent. She's too young to know that mom isn't perfect. Right now she wants mommy to be her perfect hero, and God dammit I'm gonna be that for her. 

I'm still in therapy and I've taken so many huge steps towards living a better life, I haven't even started my EMDR yet but I'm hopeful. I dont know who else out there has kids, or wants them. I know I'm not the perfect parent by any means but I'm trying, for me and for her.",2.3618580931263864,3.9137889010101032,3.4454052722345416,91.86436807095345,76.15151515151516,6.283813747228383,23.790342448879038,6.914303735213361,0.6518967726040898,1866,58,411,18,41,601,242,495,0.119,0.7509999999999999,0.13,0.9571,2,0,2,0,1,0,58.0,0,1,1,10,30,29,5,4,23,0,41,13,6,5,6,71,79,40,2,7,15,11,3,0,0,2,6,1,2,6,23,26,1,3,9,0,0,9,11,17,0,3,17,8,72,11,57,50,1,85,0,4,4,0,34,39,1,5,35,277,95,1,0.0,0.10460727657780587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007823270587208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719072775322718,0.08253770406848256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751268966403256,0.0,0.0,0.07808388496562499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069647193481596,0.0,0.15210521928314166,0.0,0.0,0.09902290967535707,0.1409821521719423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325876974953484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347330730402418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375360079852908,0.0993125283547211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662726602658995,0.07986188156603137,0.07438675612153738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934895727069773,0.04464125057049172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075098038937243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052893885117444,0.07405209250853995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807311039359116,0.0,0.15817806849823954,0.0,0.0,0.09384640440762668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769026841259589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193874691098317,0.14556293088457456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028083585836308,0.1870820515090824,0.0,0.08848813682344284,0.07796024461256625,0.0,0.0741399913676248,0.0,0.0963771807581653,0.0,0.0,0.08354058654333994,0.0,0.08951054562138677,0.0,0.09617191309265817,0.0,0.0,0.1779478143753068,0.0,0.0,0.3102068012760592,0.07047093134577438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809343059157573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852875766326043,0.0,0.059826481658560984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803378211458427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346104310267285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448004256747861,0.20640875023750135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049148918380857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539778208401933,0.0,0.0,0.26517616890465595,0.0,0.1407087937871266,0.08037441244141097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835212670766426,0.0,0.0,0.13593739490698598,0.0,0.0,0.062490959805769276,0.0,0.07050720305901154,0.07381302718848322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276372707673634,0.0,0.07716792326881836,0.0,0.20193088164107095,0.0,0.05865486725627647,0.0,0.0,0.07009110062294299,0.10296331231167193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994200504941505,0.19206477892580526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625280113378567,0.0,0.0,0.10414953136771436,0.0700791953707655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271752202243086,0.09652946837799327,0.0,0.11370962599096215
ptsd,PMmeYOURrareCONTENT,2018/01/15,"Some thoughts on dissociation? Not sure if this sub is the right place. Let me state beforehand (because that's the usual reaction) I'm not asking for pity or love or empathy or help or advice or ""go see a therapist"" or anything, I just wanna talk about the topic with people who may have something interesting to say about it. If you feel the impulse to do any of the above, please refrain, it's not helping or contributing anything to me for reasons I don't feel like having to explain over and over.

Okay, so, I've been through some hideous shit as a kid and I think my personality is kinda split in a few parts. I've been doing meditating/introspecting/feeling into it and becoming more aware of the details over time.

Either way, I am not sure how precisely I can put this into words and this may not make sense to most people, but I'll do my best to describe it accurately at least for those who've had similar experiences.

In particular, there is one aspect that I'd like to hear some interesting thoughts on.

There is this part of me that has kinda separated itself from the traumatized parts. This part seems very ... psychopathic, you could say. It's very detached and cool and rational, seeing all these things without feeling like they affect it personally.

Now, I sometimes try to connect that part with the other parts, but when I ""jump into"" that part, I basically realize that this part finds the idea unacceptable/offensive that the pain/the other parts could have anything to do with it. 

If that part could speak for itself, it would likely say: ""I am caught in this disgusting body, but this body is not me. I don't understand why this body has anything to do with me, I wouldn't have anything to do with something disgusting like that, it doesn't concern me. I am just sitting here and waiting to flee this body, it is not right that I have to be attached to this impure body that carries such a disgusting pain. I refuse to communicate with this body or the pain, because it is none of my responsibility to deal with it, for I am a separate person from that body and that other person (the body) should not expect me to take care of it, because it should be able to deal with it itself. It offends me that the body wants to drag me into this crap that has nothing to do with me. There's nothing for me to gain from such a partnership (me and the body), fuck off and take care of your own shit.""

Mind you, this part is NOT in pain (most of the time). Rather, it refuses to be. It kinda conceives of itself as a kind of heroic resistance to the pain. This part of me is actually feeling kinda comfortable most of the time I would say. I would even say I feel a bit of pride in this part because it has such a clear view on everything and feels rather pure/unspoiled. The downside is that this part is very mental/celebral and does not really have any control over the body, so whatever great insights it allows, it cannot act on them, as the body wants to focus on the pain instead, which is frustrating. It feels confused and angry often, because the rest of the body doesn't listen to it and is controlled by fears/needs that shouldn't really be a thing from its own viewpoint.

This celebral part in fact is so convinced that the pain has nothing to do with it that it treats it as not much more than, say, an annoying cousin that sometimes visits. It does not see it as a problem that needs to be dealt with. Just something that occasionally hinders it in being who it wants to be, which results in frustration and anger. Something that, if need be, has to be eradicated (which of course doesn't work). I suppose you could say it is arrogant, in its refusal to have anything to do with the other ""weak needy"" parts that are so easily controlled by outside circumstances and emotions. It considers such an existence as ... low and pathetic. Yet cannot escape it. 

Outside of anger when the other parts try to take over, it doesn't really feel much of any emotion at all. It's ... empty ... but in a satisfying detached way. It's not even necessarily evil I think, it can even be caring towards other people at times (but not really towards myself). It tends to be fascinated by intellectual problems and solving them.

Now, what I've been trying to do for a long time is to try to force this part to connect with the other parts. But it doesn't really work. It simply refuses to do that and/or ""tricks"" the other parts into believing it had accepted them, only to reemerge later with no change whatsoever.

My thinking is, I likely need to find a way to convince this part that it is in its interest to merge with the rest. Maybe that involves convincing myself that that is actually the right thing to do. Maybe I need to try out ""jumping into"" that part and letting it ask itself that question and figure it out.

Anyway, I've come pretty far to even be able to see it as clearly as I do now and I'm sure I will eventually find my own answers, but I have to say I am a little intrigued by it and I was wondering if someone else who has dealt with some horrible shit has had similar experiences/observations and has anything interesting to add or just wants to maybe exchange ideas/observations, because its rather hard to find people who can follow this and thus good stimulating exchanges about it are rather rare.

Cheers",6.949008874725879,6.766438877929691,7.134284539473686,75.91077028508775,64.517578125,10.232839912280703,33.19928728070175,9.811843763644266,3.0238700520833337,4217,156,800,78,57,1364,354,1024,0.14300000000000002,0.747,0.11,-0.9883,0,0,4,0,0,0,133.0,0,5,4,8,37,59,16,1,47,2,103,26,17,11,9,189,153,60,0,32,45,1,9,6,0,10,7,11,0,5,129,50,0,9,29,0,2,10,28,28,0,1,10,26,56,31,147,115,46,71,0,2,5,2,46,42,5,32,20,622,185,2,0.0567235756184579,0.0,0.05535402732946078,0.0,0.0,0.02771481080018177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05786096483226226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633753435024188,0.0,0.05302888608340416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037344956234535,0.03132336636279292,0.0,0.03195402262131064,0.029763946522530168,0.0,0.03096372664903716,0.4095461831327392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675019865673958,0.0,0.030003010863305413,0.024431168873332403,0.0,0.0,0.09543047003945336,0.09057831898396453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847951573878294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049639183277143104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02369263440948757,0.06380638778621375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749307734464174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025489746104299955,0.02774327067782224,0.0,0.0,0.12906514883447892,0.04052333375573265,0.0,0.0,0.10368864096210606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02622001581387203,0.0,0.0,0.016118657609641363,0.023788521998472804,0.0,0.03126897118558157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025406591054212058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03196579613295323,0.0,0.03802061705539499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032017006227942325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02953443757381635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800369920970184,0.0,0.08313682148610622,0.02842596229384855,0.0,0.025099289717753773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02559762081595553,0.0,0.018931713595551968,0.0,0.08547968381325127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02858201134801804,0.0,0.028637320650449626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04169835477782765,0.08411962515853934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816417009738071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01921868142837127,0.021570417660024446,0.2112525931861892,0.0,0.0,0.6756871519496838,0.0,0.07864997033919263,0.0990576765994622,0.029632031761821418,0.031132726129500524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0288541344487559,0.0,0.054276801180645186,0.0,0.028511430326631712,0.031771693246401424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084643757837377,0.029160641516976612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266243546871717,0.0,0.1804354561976588,0.0,0.0,0.09040269148363682,0.025819506427267186,0.0,0.0,0.08733890284899345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024030850773279502,0.0873371595485163,0.05610106670472779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019194808667995,0.0,0.06397360429349032,0.02279613071563029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032930221631119236,0.05652693473378309,0.05451926528806567,0.0,0.0450321829561741,0.0826899327550861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627896102909816,0.0,0.0,0.029525621341576068,0.0,0.0,0.03123650234866517,0.07020433568796021,0.06691406911386832,0.06753680109122408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025592102103932736,0.0,0.0,0.027339751355338542,0.030757149046240714,0.0412954386247624,0.0,0.0,0.06044220096069161,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,stranges,2018/01/15,"I'm having a tough few days. Also memory questions? Sorry, not *exactly* about ptsd, but definitely related. 

Can someone please just tell me I'll have a good day tomorrow at work? Even if you don't know, and it's probably a lie? Please someone just type the words ""you'll do a good job."" I can take it from there.


I can't remember anything. The line that separates my thoughts from reality is blurred. I am blurred.


Bad day.
Someone say I'm not terrible at what I do. My supervisor assures me I'm great, but I need to hear it from someone who doesn't look at me with pity.


I heard a voice the other night. Clear as day, and not my own. A voice in my head.

Can someone please tell me none of these little things matter and I'll be fine?


Please just say it. Thanks guys.!

Edit: thanks everyone!!!! You guys really made my morning :)


",-0.1354031510658018,2.1635071927710854,1.8987951807228924,92.82088044485636,97.55421686746989,5.686376274328081,20.240037071362373,7.1686216300943375,0.8061823911028729,638,23,137,13,26,211,100,166,0.059,0.6559999999999999,0.285,0.9933,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,0,1,7,11,0,0,9,0,14,1,1,1,3,26,27,8,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,7,18,7,12,22,3,11,0,1,1,0,13,5,0,4,6,80,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890121195401249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159612748553332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293664543500364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871350718980662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735171839739733,0.0,0.0,0.10635855092841896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671796035643387,0.0,0.12271629407221507,0.0,0.2204227400987709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142330322827748,0.0,0.1254510106911599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045496280416503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117138318348424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155879505706663,0.0,0.0,0.09346979605883562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532131772342357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253268549302145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044540228588993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887263801936903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200077069290616,0.0,0.1301118561896892,0.0,0.12468924636047606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130607580988435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608906479680287,0.0,0.0,0.1770314921171459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715500444189682,0.0,0.0,0.12459900626733605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368896640641069,0.0,0.19457434286592107,0.20495295120885146,0.0,0.0,0.07394738492910452,0.0,0.0,0.08836527709155698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103277783015424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WillowElixir,2018/01/16,"I don't know how to cope anymore, but I want to I'm in my first year of university and was diagnosed with ptsd last year because of the death of my identical twin and the resulting events. 

I'm studying something I'm  so passionate about, and I've got big ambitions to go to medical school after this. Also, I'm now my parents' only child and I want to make them proud.

But I'm struggling with everything. As soon as I got back after Christmas my friends have pretty much ignored me, they did last term as well but not to the same extent. I've got exams this week but I'm spiralling with depression and anxiety too. I have type 1 diabetes and I've been keeping good control, but I haven't been going for meals and been sleeping a lot, and having really bad thoughts.

I don't want to give up. I have so much to work towards, I just don't know how to get there at this point. I need some advice!",2.3152717391304343,4.091254548913046,3.7732608695652203,88.49293478260874,76.88043478260869,7.208695652173913,25.630434782608692,8.07648339933343,1.4944847826086956,703,26,149,12,16,232,106,184,0.123,0.727,0.15,0.5426,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,4,13,9,0,1,4,0,13,6,1,5,0,35,35,21,1,4,7,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,3,11,1,3,3,0,0,2,5,4,1,1,9,0,17,5,26,26,7,21,0,1,0,1,6,6,0,2,13,95,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549687321934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906997033461265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390301681776235,0.0,0.14766220941022618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448980717857288,0.12431974063886862,0.09076401343079467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669965697005745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282416372473335,0.15112363146918947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338157559172719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664862035336405,0.0,0.0,0.11503464458617232,0.0,0.07779063795551666,0.14283208318372936,0.16923906135275202,0.12488469050867836,0.3572508773881998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323432642020427,0.0,0.0,0.16365579920162118,0.24273593029633245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265838145923806,0.0,0.0,0.09938747742845183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999440103463482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21890751058365,0.11040254365429518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324011360554567,0.0,0.0,0.16532846168206755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075235667657532,0.0,0.0,0.15147808051126554,0.0,0.0,0.17404837607202475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538490236189984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506880345917765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900089417996834,0.0,0.0,0.11462538678131985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556556734936087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820470039654055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634634934181149,0.0,0.11943327643189648,0.0,0.13387301666422136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839614315686907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19176489102048289
ptsd,curiouscase97,2018/01/16,Unrelated to this subreddit but Here is the man who will bring us mind uploading in the future for dreaming> http://rak.minduploading.org/ and randal.a.koene@gmail.com. I think its amazing and cool because transferring consciousness to a macro machine is definitely exciting! Unrelated to this subreddit but Here is the man who will bring us mind uploading in the future for dreaming> http://rak.minduploading.org/ and randal.a.koene@gmail.com. I think its amazing and cool because transferring consciousness to a macro machine is definitely exciting and could definetly help people out here!,13.802509803921563,17.251438682352937,9.647941176470589,51.12406862745101,50.41176470588235,14.607843137254903,45.93137254901961,13.295006501635747,7.822960784313728,508,27,55,19,6,142,40,85,0.0,0.6659999999999999,0.334,0.99,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,15,11,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,6,9,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,42,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31949240637339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922947272879752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564984090137806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5292013865808068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816758359924752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358283308923806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6304394329593533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DepressedSendHelp,2018/01/16,Just got robbed. Lost nothing. But I'm really scared of potential robberies. I can't get the thought off my mind. I have exams tomorrow.,0.7346153846153882,2.933330923076924,2.3226153846153856,87.67238461538462,105.15384615384615,6.695384615384616,24.43076923076923,7.554174236665415,2.2059784615384617,108,5,20,3,5,35,24,26,0.215,0.785,0.0,-0.6697,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175467490791194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32415873079381585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424373260306542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40924162298524414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3889002352049328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25964819831297753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057801309891126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217661991584361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ka1913,2018/01/16,"Finally getting help I had some childhood trauma.  And being young I thought it made me strong so I thought the best thing to do was subject myself to almost 2 decades of running emergency calls on an ambulance.   I saw plenty of traumatic events that didn't occur to me directly but some damage was done nonetheless.   

I injured my back and of course doctor prescribed Percocet turned into street corner heroin in no time.  All of it doing nothing but making me not care about the pain (physical and emotional).  I also had self medicated throughout my EMS career when I was off duty after particularly stressful weeks at work I would occasionally use marijuana to help fight the demons and let me sleep.  

Well the herion use started increasing  as no it is wont to do. And then my 10 year old son stop breathing last April.  And the herion use skyrocketted.  I've been haunted by many things but nothing... And I mean nothing has haunted me like having to preform rescue breathing to my son.  

Luckily he is still here and much better.  About 6 months that after he stopped breathing I decided I need to quit herion before I stopped breathing. 

I looked for out patient Suboxone programs the soonest I could be seen was 8 days away.  I knew I wouldn't make it without using so I signed into a 6 day detox 2 days later. (There was some problems getting accepted at detox but I got in) 

 When I got out my suboxone appt was the next day.  I went to see the doctor.  He was very brash and his demeanor was not encouraging.  He told me he treated every patient the same with the same dose.   He told he would probably fail me out if I was positive for thc or opiates.  He was setting me up for failure and very unsupportive.  

I went home had a friend recommend a different doctor and the changes were to the extreme.  The new doctor helped adjust my Suboxone done to make sure I was comfortable.  A psychologist not just a therapist provided my therapy.  They made a customized care plan. Not just a ""cookie cutter"" plan.

They explained constant failed urinalysis for opiates would get me kicked out (as it should) but if I had a lapse and was honest they would help work on what caused the lapse and help me avoid another. 

After going for a few weeks I was nervous because I still occasionally smoked marijuana. Mainly for nightmares and anxiety.  I decided I had to tell my doctor's.   So I did.  And they shocked me by stating they were ok with it and felt I was using it to treat my PTSD AND they said they'd give me the paperwork to get my medical card (my state is medicinal legal only).  

They truly have a great model to really help their patients.  Their long term goal is to get every patient off of all medications or on as few as possible.  

They also prefer to treat PTSD with marijuana than any benzos or anti depressants.    

With their help I have been clean 3.5 months.

It is truly amazing to see in a state that still has some puritanical views.  I am so happy to see the progress. 

So today I had the money together and contacted a doctor.  It turns out he's as compassionate, passionate, and caring as the Suboxone doctors are.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I am making progress with my demons.   For the first time in as long as I can remember I can envision a future.... And it gets brighter every day!!! 

(Pic of text from mmj doc)

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ptsd,0FowlKreature,2018/01/16,"Iv had ptsd for 10 Years, I was never told what to expect or what a flash back is. A little insight in to my more manic/panicky moments would be good Iv had PTSD since I was eight, following a car crash on the way to school.  The car crashed on mine and my mums side of the car.  My mum fractured her spine and the first few days/week in the hospital she couldn’t stand with out pain.
For the first few weeks of being back at school we walked the 2 miles in the frozen over rurel farmers fields to get there and back. I grow more and more disinclined to attend school.   I would do anything to hide, somtimes when we stared driving to school again I’d locking my self in the car when my dad and my sister got out and refuse to unlock the doors until I was promised to go home.  I felt numb and anxious I’d cry my self to sleep every night and feel anxious about school the next morning and then when I didn’t go in I’d feel guilty for not going in. But if I did I would wonder the buildings and playgrounds with a fake smile on my face because I didn’t want anymore people coming up to me to ask if I was okey and if I was sure.  I would reassure them with lies and somethings walk home without telling anyone.
Because I stayed at home rather than go to school I watch my mum grow more and more inclined to stay in bed as she became increasingly dependent on tramadol. Her addiction lasted 3 or so years.  When she recovered from her addiction she put her healthy weight back on, her bra size went from an a/b cup back up to a d/dd. I know because she gave me her old bra and said it was from that time

Iv seen over 5 therapist (art, edmr, talky, and one I can’t remember the name off) and at least that again with more specialist therapists in one of sessions.  Iv developers a kinda phobia tonwards them. I don’t really talk in therapy session and the reply’s I give are the ones that mean the least interaction and communication.  My reaction to therapy was stronger that my reaction to school

There’s an emotion I feel when I’m in a state sometimes, it’s indescribable and like nothing else I experienced.  If I had to compare it, it would be to vonrability, fear, shock and a few other thing.  I get panicy and anxious and it’s like there’s a filter over my preseption of the world in those moments and I all my 5 sense except some time touch apear  the same but feel more overwhelming and like there’s a pressure coming in from all sides (in non physical sense).  And usally I cant find an explanation for what I’m experiencing and I’m left to find the darkest corna way from everything and begin the waiting game to bring myself back down feeling numb or I go quite manic and wonder with a head strong panic and confusion and this emotion that I can’t describe, searching for a cause to my alter state. This often leads braking thing or being mean to my little sister over tiny thing or screaching to be left alone then just feeling all the worst for it.
  |
^^Is this an emotional flash back?^^

No one ever told me what ptsd really entails, if you cold give me a little insight, it would be appreciated.  x
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ptsd,Cook_croghan,2018/01/16,"PTSD court treatment update #2: The Euphoria is wearing off and reality is setting in. It’s not all bad, but it’s not all good. It’s a punch in the gut.  4 days after my last post a marine I was in the same squad with killed himself.  That makes the average about 2 a year from my company (150 guys I was closest with in the marine corps.  4th from my platoon of 30) since 2010.  

I hid it from the court, because it’s not their business.  I went to where I needed to. Just listened to music in groups.  Went through the motions with the random doctors for medical visits.

After a 10 days I reverted, hard.  How dare I not have visited him?  Why did I lose contact?  I could have let him know he wasn’t alone. I could have saved him, like I want someone to save me.

In my head it was clear.  Its like every other person who got killed when I was point. I thought I making the right decisions but I was wrong.  I made the decisions that killed or hurt many of my best friends as a point-man.  What route we took, how we set up, how long to wait before picking up, how far we could walk before dehydration.  I fucking killed someone again.

10 days ago, (14 days after his suicide) I was at deep in the pit. Dark room, sleep, hate myself for being awake, people looking down into it telling me to “just climb out”.  That fucking pit...

Told the therapist a little of this, she handled it well.  Let me kind of hide it, but later suggested writing groups and sent texts of articles or books I’d like to read through the next few days. One day she even broke VA protocol and did a Skype session.  Very appropriate and sensitive response. 

Thankfully, I just kept doing the court ordered things to stay out of jail.  It forced me to get up, to get dressed, to function, abide poorly .  Go to therapy.  Take my meds.  Nod a lot.  But not isolating completely.

Honestly, I didn’t want to deal with these people around me who didn’t know...combat? I guess?  I was up however, so I started texting my old war buddies, cuz I didn’t want them to feel like me.  It’s one of the biggest things I’ve noticed about PTSD.  The guilt.  The sickness when you’re alone, reworking things, how you could have stopped EVERYTHING.  It crushes me.

To avoid jail, I just had to keep getting up though.  I had to keep going through the motions.  It’s the first time, in a long time, I kept going through the motions.  I kept working without knowing it.

What used to be a 6 month to a year spiral was caped at 5 days.  The past week I’ve been catching myself shaving, because I wanted to.  Cooking myself a meal, because I wanted to.  Laundry, because I wanted to.  I haven’t done that since 06’. 

Am I irritable? Am I stressed? It sleep rough? Am I fucking sad? Yes.  That’s still there right now.  But I’m up.  

I’m doing choirs.  I’m making my meetings.  Im not isolating nearly as much.  I am  slowly feeling I can make it through this moment, rather than this moment being everything.  The pit is less shallow than it’s been since I can remember.

I’ve read over what I’ve written for about 20 min.    

I guess the difference from before I started the VA court program and now is this:

I still disassociate, I still break, I still feel crushed, I’ll never be “Ok”

BUT

The pit is less deep and it’s easier to climb out. 



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ptsd,Sanakesus,2018/01/16,"I hate February I hate that month because it is the month when I first got assaulted. Every time that month comes I experience the most stress, paranoia, flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia, panic attacks, etc. (I mean, I experience these symptoms every month but February when these symptoms become the most prevalent and intense). I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I don't have a support system in real life. ",5.6134234234234235,7.862269621621626,5.803783783783783,75.41936936936938,69.0,8.176576576576577,33.954954954954964,8.841846274778883,3.262538738738739,328,16,52,6,6,104,49,74,0.29600000000000004,0.7040000000000001,0.0,-0.9622,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,4,3,4,0,5,4,0,0,0,8,13,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,7,0,1,1,0,8,1,2,12,3,11,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006325851115912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964843623444948,0.1748048233232326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634186405825824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17652100871429352,0.0,0.0,0.26671087392414106,0.0,0.0,0.3096511066579321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346305756512353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658880173213735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125320964730187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698505516168455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179592545565556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241036123413422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053416674003282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857042882856815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801541988089991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846317149265396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130609235776685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961118452731645,0.0,0.3290213996442505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922927562666606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WaitaminuteD,2018/01/17,"Triggered There is a place. Where ""why"" is a question. And ""why"" is not a question. 

And certainly it wants an answer - but the answers can't be given. It's screamed out in a whisper with hands clinched, teeth shown and the jaw locked tight. 

Anger runs with blood through the veins. But all this self medicating can't dissolve it. Neither will self inflicting pain quiet it. Virtue is removed, stripped. 

This is the calm within the storm. 

- the quiet one sitting next to you 
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ptsd,living_adaptive,2018/01/17,Any book and online resources for tweens to work through traumatic experiences? Are there any book and online resources for tweens to work through traumatic experiences?  I am looking for resources to assist tweens in dealing with traumatic experiences.  One person in particular continues to re-live bad memories.  I am not very versed in this subject but want to see if there's something out there that might be useful while this age group is in therapy.,8.833076923076922,10.344941794871797,7.740153846153843,67.35484615384617,60.53846153846153,11.368205128205128,39.95897435897436,11.20814326018867,5.025755897435898,372,19,56,10,5,114,50,78,0.116,0.82,0.064,-0.5204,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,10,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,16,8,0,8,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,2,3,37,5,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291939557316623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792242972866663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129535844714426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6299084681106415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025245518344624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277103812087221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545281170146046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874246372690252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710487489826327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524853005260692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24547168486085996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538921256176397,0.0,0.17710923713306986,0.12660649393758686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125364079114048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,yarn_kitten,2018/01/17,"Struggling to cope I've had PTSD for around 10 years now. First, it was all from how traumatic everything was when I saw my dad die and then when some things happened with my ex boyfriend. I'm now married and my husband doesn't believe that PTSD is a real thing. My mother in law just thinks I'm being dramatic about all of it. Last night, I had some bad nightmares and this morning, my husband woke me up by grabbing my arm and getting in my face (new anxiety meds put me in a deep sleep). I told him to get off of me and to stop touching me multiple times and he still kept doing it. It triggered everything and just made me freak out. I ran to the bathroom to be alone but he followed me and banged on the bathroom door calling my name which made everything even more worse. When I managed to get out to take some anxiety meds, he still got in my face and would not leave me alone and eventually ended up throwing my phone at me hard and calling his mom to tell her everything. As usual, he response was that I'm being dramatic and overreacting. 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of the nightmares and my husband and his family not understanding what I'm going through.im tired of constantly being told I'm being dramatic.  I see a psychiatrist for meds and am waiting to see a counselor for therapy. I just feel like giving up and dying sometimes because of all of this. I've calmly talked to my husband about how I feel, but he doesn't seem to care about any of this. I'm just done. ",5.9648363848850785,5.6442270496688725,6.303135956369308,81.51309505259059,66.58278145695364,9.489988313206078,33.32761978963771,9.007467420416297,2.635921075185041,1187,47,243,18,17,383,153,302,0.122,0.8440000000000001,0.034,-0.9709,1,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,19,6,0,1,7,0,19,6,4,5,3,53,53,25,2,1,9,8,5,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,14,20,0,3,6,0,0,5,5,3,0,1,15,8,33,3,42,32,7,37,0,0,3,0,26,14,0,4,19,159,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203143938697498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669163644168162,0.0,0.15004807838507114,0.0,0.09726006997491253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730397367689544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188518052176702,0.05978316546082803,0.0,0.0,0.11049242260413228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028289230121504,0.0,0.0999899107598882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597990022047292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035644091601982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036067265784847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868617884459569,0.0,0.0,0.06477496420258573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525595299228496,0.0,0.09245260161584573,0.0,0.09917527885813578,0.07006193510798515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341913429978286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537141341951775,0.09407863027782908,0.05573600386788349,0.0,0.07843632994556582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867238528900506,0.0,0.08785234425603043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593349865416687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05389725152333926,0.0799409465033096,0.0,0.10384301845705084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047912532132343984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855942846700745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32680428530002165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485955861856065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471757360775088,0.0,0.0920329809408449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22927947920319675,0.09858843270009712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162625750074022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629976404440696,0.08928014633403615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814181605537213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699471713378834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663923916833164,0.08199173926838706,0.0,0.10252509261812574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373717966463167,0.07882574718748042,0.08571836822764871,0.0,0.1121527244470844,0.0,0.13030801651361718,0.06283993068902144,0.0,0.0,0.057185983144350076,0.2254363531843849,0.0,0.18742206805598585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020953596229632,0.0,0.0,0.1080113405152906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994271761493266,0.06966681775686352,0.0,0.0,0.06315450240747915
ptsd,percipher12,2018/01/17,"2003 It happened in the fall of 2003. I was getting off the bus and a boy that lived in my neighborhood was walking to his house. I ran up and tackled him, as we have done many other days before. We would always wrestle, have snowball fights, goof off. Today was different. 

When he got up he grab my arms and I grabbed his back ready to wrestle. Thats when I felt something hit my in the ear hard and my leg buckled. I was then throw to the sidewalk and he laid on top of me and kept hitting me with his right fist into my left cheek. I remember trying to get up and saying ""Let me get up"" but kept getting punched in the side of my face. Then the back of my head was slammed into the concrete. I was then let up. I didn't know what to do. It was me, him and one ""friend"" just watching. He looked again, smiled, and came towards me. Again, I was thrown to the ground, hit in the side of the face multiple times, and had the back of my head slammed into the concrete. 

I walked home to find a knife, any weapon, but couldn't find anything but a brick in my front yard. I walked back to scare him to try and get him to back down. I didn't ever want to hurt anyone. I dropped the brick and again I was thrown to the ground, punched repeatedly and had my head slammed. It must have been 3,4,5 times. 

I walked home with that ""friend"" and immediately cried and broke down. This day has replayed in my head freqently ever since it happened. I turned to drugs at 14. Isolated myself. Didn't take care of myself. Then i started getting bullied. I was so scared I let it happen and never said anything. Plotted suicide. 

Its been 15 years and it has been replaying in my head ever since. I have difficultly making friends. I stay home most weekends. I feel i will never amount to anything. On the outside I look successful. I work at a great company, I go to night class to further my career, I was a successful amateur boxer, I have a great family and girlfriend. But I cannot shake this event. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living. 

I started going to therapy consistently in 2016. I have done talk therapy, cbt, EMDR, energy healing,... I am lost. I hope I can get through this but there are times I feel I will never be confident. I still binge drink and still go through depressive spells. I wonder how my life would be if this didn't happen. It has been 15 years. 

If you have taken the time to read this I really appreciate it. I know time is very valuable and this is a rambled wall of text.  ",2.1120289669315566,4.182389612449804,3.0909348030419572,91.77429505255066,78.57831325301207,6.0856874305733575,23.64795351619243,7.125416948008024,0.7844197556182171,1929,65,411,23,47,614,227,498,0.113,0.7859999999999999,0.101,-0.631,1,0,3,0,1,1,74.0,2,1,0,5,19,20,2,3,23,0,52,16,11,2,7,64,94,37,1,9,9,0,6,0,4,5,4,3,4,1,20,28,1,2,10,4,1,13,9,10,0,1,32,12,72,10,57,48,2,88,0,4,3,0,23,35,0,7,38,280,92,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773377016002462,0.0,0.0,0.04718409091999826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851551439432918,0.0,0.17129350814926633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667634108524551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904141394714393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935780695893625,0.0707424992413054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621602165095763,0.08949500218751014,0.0,0.059761086874822636,0.0,0.0,0.07249242135076539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420096238790299,0.0,0.06797075752056607,0.08046442098117261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882877618669092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540988035654277,0.0,0.07016615012514255,0.0,0.06662035621675548,0.0,0.12683302836489654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608197353751002,0.0,0.2537551158021353,0.0,0.11829906181651095,0.0,0.05549341898093693,0.15299412828725908,0.0,0.0,0.2454272456352113,0.0,0.062155214957670415,0.0,0.35604447086359914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208796045770056,0.06891483167834198,0.0,0.08006082420841418,0.07427793840499787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626421998023868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538686429064137,0.2128521916828376,0.09801717129450133,0.0,0.0,0.12253622282916045,0.0,0.11653163157611407,0.0,0.07574178195385779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631493951855861,0.07034536781105756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054166759553154,0.0,0.0,0.06511300025076723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701698361793272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940364654802374,0.0,0.04444972443389869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859953195698055,0.059254299881857125,0.06600090036133292,0.055177633542121324,0.13893271835051174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147917629627172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05341586277697834,0.0686234106131462,0.0,0.09822193623971226,0.07395503948719281,0.11082169364701157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589578617827276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052168787199015985,0.055768930267339104,0.0,0.0,0.15869529163118282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022943784256964,0.0,0.06576874381602149,0.0,0.0,0.09421554439784104,0.07547081421128703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724978433528965,0.040924994035901816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048986354564578,0.05051301174204291,0.0,0.0,0.09857804182151847,0.0,0.0,0.0893631628369924
ptsd,scenegrandma,2018/01/17,"It’s been some rough stuff Lately I’ve been feeling like my quality of life has gotten so much better since I’ve gotten a better therapist and since I’ve gotten my medication figured out, but I’m still having sleeping issues. 

I was prescribed trazadone of 1 to 3 tablets a night and it’s insane how heavy the carry over is into the next day. And I’ve had other sleeping medications and it’s the same thing. I just feel so exhausted all the time because I know my quality of sleep is not good. 

My partner, bless him, I swear, tells me he hears me talking and grinding my teeth hard in my sleep. I also sweat to the point of soaking my sheets and every morning I wake up and my hair is so wet you’d think I just stepped out of the shower. It makes me so self conscious to say, but I’m having the most trouble communicating with my doctor my struggles. 

I used to have terrifying vivid nightmares but I haven’t really had them/ remembered any of them since I started smoking marijuana a few years ago. My partner says he thinks I’m having them sometimes. I don’t really know what to do. 

I’m not in a legal green state otherwise I’d have my medical card and I’m sure more of my doctors support, but I’m not so sure. She knows I smoke and doesn’t hate it but doesn’t approve. My therapist doesn’t give a shit. 

Tonight I was even having such a hard time I just bursted out crying after having an outburst at a banker because of having no money due to the holiday and me getting off late every Friday to be unable to deposit my check until after hours and my bank said something was possible and tldr when I get there it’s the opposite so I’m full of frustration and lately I’ve been feeling as if I’ve been disassociating and just disappearing into space with the fact that I’ve had a lot of time off of work lately because my boss has been on vacation I just kind of summed it up to having too much time on my hands.

 And while that’s partially true, I have had too much time to sit around with just me and my thoughts. I also recognize that I have a harder time around the holidays and winter in general. 

So tonight I canceled my late therapy appointment and just came home and drank wine in a onzie and cried until I smoked enough to feel good enough not to cry. 

I’ve been having a hard time talking to my therapist because I don’t ever know what to say. She presses a little and I just say it sucks and it is what it is and I can’t change it and then like it’s book closed. 

I don’t know how to communicate or open up I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to get over this because I need to feel like a fully functioning human being to work and be alive. But I can’t do that if I’m always sleepy and just shut out. 

I don’t feel as shut out with my partner but I’m happier around him and the air feels more clear. He knows my trauma and my shit and we don’t elaborate further, not that it’s a problem it’s horrible. 

I just need to know what I’m doing wrong because I’m trying so hard and this cycle sucks. Advice on sleep, sweats, and talking to your therapist would be dope. Also don’t be gross everyone sweats so like don’t go into detail even though I appreciate the advice lol",2.7765298432906107,4.261008983358551,4.3229789056032875,86.2824291382411,74.9001512859304,7.227711015328403,24.87714440670225,7.902280558234669,1.2903435674935055,2522,82,528,37,53,843,268,661,0.13,0.77,0.1,-0.9735,1,0,4,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,3,5,37,27,6,1,28,1,57,23,14,5,7,117,108,63,0,6,25,0,16,4,3,1,7,6,2,5,29,50,2,0,21,4,4,4,20,13,0,0,20,24,70,14,69,81,14,74,1,0,2,0,29,36,4,6,36,349,99,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131174684741018,0.05130628237719508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885755739128264,0.0481600031660769,0.0,0.0,0.03935973628254399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545738669951036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169517668664528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023786260309678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619820988308828,0.0,0.0,0.06122835656225775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073224391072774,0.03732719668880108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848331299132632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960905387049252,0.0,0.07645712850229518,0.05235491107145584,0.09753118572387012,0.055305909149967525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20485769437612936,0.08269760457014429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09071823856222666,0.05552285526531222,0.0328939958700979,0.09709239606968832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739302774460075,0.057143575545499085,0.0,0.0,0.06523389176979671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805740266905829,0.0,0.05699920181953226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041068695254024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027212011735233,0.2544704816973701,0.0,0.32645042664503177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088168213152315,0.1131071138736882,0.05801000982477085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04920669544182976,0.0,0.0,0.03863471288412202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492115007257528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276432761712709,0.08583315898788244,0.0,0.0,0.061555022428378514,0.054315564175661635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054714406972223815,0.06524992828549818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055382430631516835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415759835307084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556567668122527,0.0,0.055056227257554234,0.18411096304430646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060380468305486275,0.0,0.11882401869062326,0.14363443576612034,0.0,0.2896042295803642,0.0,0.0,0.04455811760305295,0.057243856814403235,0.0,0.040967086916126036,0.0,0.046222281189299386,0.0,0.0,0.06050774614477394,0.06625766064281555,0.0,0.06568045591272162,0.10910063244971208,0.0,0.0,0.1395629551369642,0.05058883764174103,0.0,0.06618973372270065,0.2688081354088756,0.038452266574402524,0.0741731117093237,0.05686586918170404,0.04594949765841085,0.2362481616883847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039296073198727584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049988912658010934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427327017383299,0.0,0.0,0.041115613903881285,0.06328165119082714,0.0,0.03727220821740255
ptsd,mj_11704,2018/01/17,"DAE: Dissociate when triggered to the point where you’re unresponsive? Lately, after I hit a trigger, before I have a full blown panic attack, I’ll completely dissociate. It’s like I just check out for a period of time until someone grounds me and gets me out of it. I get completely still, which is rare for me, then check out entirely. Typically, the only thing to bring me back is an ice cube in my hand. Upon return, panic commences and I’m slightly disoriented. Does anyone else experience this type of dissociating? And if so, what helps you? ",4.277254901960784,6.606743196078432,5.951568627450977,72.57872549019609,72.92156862745098,8.847058823529412,27.01960784313725,9.444778638647367,2.7367960784313734,434,16,75,11,9,148,76,102,0.118,0.7979999999999999,0.084,-0.5581,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,6,4,1,2,6,0,3,1,1,2,0,10,8,8,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,1,14,7,1,20,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,1,11,51,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453755777845989,0.21302846964052632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365277564152525,0.0,0.15987003526030413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691618388341734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359795735298632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194353173656852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368221215639684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033759750181399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724889471553774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935775911622347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345316514916737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157437411277087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812500170222665,0.0,0.4878754169849855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965422493004804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616155511318315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660372763860178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381262336823164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212340527080937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,goldenjuicebox,2018/01/18,"Trying to help my friend, but I’m in a corner Without going into too much detail, my friend is recovering from an abusive relationship. They’ve been making some decisions that I know they aren’t happy with and regret. I’m in a spot where I don’t want to say the wrong thing and upset her/make her think I’m controlling her, but at the same time I don’t want to enable destructive behavior. 

The sidebar has already been really helpful, but I’m wondering if anyone has some advice for this kind of situation. ",10.2397,6.946698370000004,10.444000000000004,64.71200000000002,60.3,13.6,38.0,11.698219412168324,4.312799999999998,407,13,74,9,4,138,70,100,0.193,0.633,0.174,-0.736,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,2,8,1,1,6,0,8,0,0,2,0,21,19,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,1,8,4,12,17,4,8,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,4,1,49,11,0,0.0,0.24630280459739415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031371031864699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22939981545643165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453539377651886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331541473053657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212138371123984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814251367920653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129122471292606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786740297698288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216474149372412,0.11424494641670735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876094936686748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528150969220048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317270897162514,0.0,0.0,0.2231844145752836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531384675680874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336648786617408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810567277089295,0.13320056796009452,0.0,0.0,0.12121600629827872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113629988140314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452250217439929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038808607437472,0.2254360747606783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272832212595769,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HunterRuu,2018/01/18,"PTSD is costing me job after job! This is the 3rd time PTSD has cost me a job! I don't know what to do! I feel so worthless and the biggest disappointment! I'll get to the point where I feel I can drive again (driving being one of my major triggers) and my panic attacks will be manageable, but every time I get a job all my triggers return. The really bad panic attacks where everything goes numb, the nightmares and insomnia, the suicidal thoughts, my brain telling me everything is dangerous, everything! I can't win! I've gone to counselling, but I had to quit half way through due to insurance issues. I'm lost, and tired of not being normal! Any advise?",3.1096194225721767,5.432229929133861,4.23986220472441,83.51496391076115,76.48031496062994,7.382939632545932,27.906167979002625,8.344100000000001,2.1931160104986884,519,22,96,10,12,169,80,127,0.32299999999999995,0.677,0.0,-0.9938,4,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,4,11,3,2,8,0,13,4,1,2,1,15,22,7,1,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,2,3,3,10,0,2,4,2,14,1,9,14,2,14,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,60,16,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027559206158517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020480580677803,0.0,0.0,0.1108419817998682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481946100909405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184888883002587,0.0,0.3579255435788892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424632374435808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871438972049618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385581064959096,0.5269416351123497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295676866493367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491397579911774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006831274232655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995587178431293,0.0,0.0,0.3115106330705059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254931041269867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103588671233179,0.0,0.0,0.14119759195298273,0.0,0.0,0.08504402886659791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520862643809304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160306877320469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538988565035552,0.15481696840635692,0.15257835421178498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537198475916576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ReasonableReading,2018/01/18,"What to do when it feels like too much? I opened the can of worms recently (a few years ago), and started dealing with my trauma. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 16.  Ummm, there's a lot of stuff here, and it feels like too much. I just need to tell someone all of it, because I've never told any single person more than just bits and pieces of it. 

*My dad did drugs
*He hit me a lot, came after me and my mom with a knife once
*He lied and said he was dying of cancer to get money from me once
*I've been estranged from him for a number of years, but his friend lives near me and sometimes tries to follow me home (I'm almost more afraid of the friend than my dad)
*My mom is not much better; she gets violent sometimes, though seldom with me. Mostly, she just throws things, slams things, screams, tells me I'm a mistake and a waste of space, etc.
*I was sexually assaulted by my pediatrician when I was a child, and I really struggle to go to the doctor at all now (I once had to be escorted out of a hospital for biting a nurse, so there's a thing)
*My babysitter from age 3-5 used to beat us, lock us in closets, and step on us when we ""misbehaved"" (sometimes, she'd get mad at us because our poo wasn't the right shape?). Her children also stole things, and when I'd try to get them back, I'd get hit/ locked in closets/ stepped on.
*My father spent a bunch of time in prison for domestic violence, but I still had to see him because my mom wasn't willing to go back to court. So, I saw him beat his girlfriend almost to death and break her hand with a door. I thought I was going to die a few times. 
*I once broke my foot and my dad was asleep/ high/ whatever, and he didn't believe in doctors. So, he wouldn't take me to the doctor, and I still can't use that foot properly. I have needed walking aids in the past (canes, crutches, a wheelchair once) but I've been in physical therapy lately and the muscle is building up a little bit again. 
*I was abused by a scout leader when I was in my teens, and the scouts went OUT OF THEIR WAY to keep it quiet, instead of helping me or doing anything about the leader in the program. So, I had to leave, and the leader did not. 
*My mother's anger is getting worse and more frequent. She will go off over nothing, and I don't know how to keep her from getting angry. I have no choice but to keep living with her, as I am unable to keep a job and minimum wage isn't enough to live on anyway.
*I lost one of my good friends a couple years ago when she was hit by a train.
*Lost my closest family member (my baby cousin) in 2017 when she fell in a river and drowned. 
*I was in a ""relationship"" for about a year with an adult man when I was 15, and I didn't realize how messed up it was (though I always got the feeling there was a significant imbalance of power... Idk, I thought it was normal).
*I may have heart disease (Idk, still testing), and that scares me because I could drop dead of a heart-attack any minute. 

All of this weighs on me a lot. Like, so much, it's hard to function. I don't know how people who go through wars or famine can even keep going. I am just so alert, all the time. I am so scared, all the time. I have daily panic attacks. I am nearly always on the verge of suicidal thoughts. I'm in counseling, on medication, and going to two groups a week. But it's not enough. Things feel like too much.

I want parents, honestly. Just someone to comfort me, for once in my life, instead of encouraging me to kill myself (my mom has done this). I want this to end. I want to forget all of it. I want to start fresh and have a new life, with a family and people who actually love me and don't try to hurt me. I'm 23, but I feel about 5 years old. I want a chance to be 5 again. But I don't want to die.

I don't know what to do.
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ptsd,Rosien_HoH,2018/01/18,"My Partner has Disassociative Flashbacks and Runs Off - Need Tips Hello,

I'm new here but I have been looking for some help with this for a while and I thought I would try to see if someone from this community might be able to help. 

We are in the process of getting her to see a psychiatrist and start therapy, but until the medical insurance clears we can't do that. Until then, she has a habit of running off when she flashes back. When she does that she's sometimes in her PJs or without her phone. When that happens she ends up waking up lost and cold. She has also occasionally self-harmed while in a flashback. 

Due to all of these concerns, I would very much like to equip her with a GPS so that when she runs off I can find her quickly and bring her home ASAP. Does anyone have any tips on what kind to get? Or, perhaps some other tips about either other ways to deal with this or anything else. I am always open to suggestions. I just want what's best for her and for her to get through these rough episodes as quickly and as easily as possible.

Thank You.",3.892138625592416,5.335681824644553,4.317106042654029,87.59945053317537,71.98578199052133,7.1707345971563985,26.93157582938389,7.6454224807358475,1.3330305687203796,839,29,174,10,16,264,127,211,0.014,0.846,0.14,0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,0,2,12,5,0,0,7,0,15,2,1,0,2,33,30,27,0,5,9,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,1,1,13,13,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,3,5,26,4,37,23,6,31,0,1,3,0,25,10,0,7,17,131,39,0,0.1571906847516447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570533380446008,0.13079524199657888,0.0,0.0,0.10689505592937916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991138164381548,0.0,0.12935454003625324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086993377210195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496192575227664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205669375914036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27511725503099177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131264684188393,0.0,0.13922429002286962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366943811364047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463769349294329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390032033956709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107232051032003,0.0,0.15767507335093225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368990901455832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679542856147592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200058570579512,0.0,0.17159220110600715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583530775885127,0.0,0.16675447588356412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555323988445595,0.11655490098741025,0.0,0.15181574285029378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720887872309415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505212484009991,0.0,0.16398416621047254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318715708701612,0.0,0.15546560657477818,0.0,0.11126037572322843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472006328477627,0.17976124731752113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124791845322934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672215667882676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969877726036536,0.09271513853672853,0.12477064893173655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15152621073791908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22332750485299127,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lunaaathemoona,2018/01/19,"I feel like it's my fault It's making me want to die. I was the one who got drunk, I willingly went into the room with him. Sure I said no and passed out only to awake to him throwing my body around and penetrating me, but I got myself in the situation to begin with. I've never wanted to be dead this much. I feel so disgusting and worthless. I'm in so much pain over the entire thing it makes me sick. I feel like I deserve to die.",1.2306382978723391,2.635917755319152,3.4286702127659576,91.40875,78.8936170212766,6.402127659574468,19.196808510638302,7.1686216300943375,0.13066382978723426,335,7,79,4,8,115,59,94,0.337,0.595,0.068,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,4,0,3,4,1,2,2,18,16,6,3,2,1,0,3,2,0,1,2,1,1,0,6,8,1,0,3,1,0,3,2,4,0,1,5,4,16,3,14,9,2,12,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,54,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244918120565245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21517589269212464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020952793306685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29384737454603244,0.27678289622349844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30986632809976866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892806612970666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25861517470582635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848085370451384,0.0,0.14940647605418414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126763803308386,0.14733049133321785,0.2061285231341782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426920724843426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177460002019515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257595964362774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869695276111404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285185858482804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957757979126973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,oddoutlier,2018/01/19,"PTSD triggered by people in general Is there such a thing as PTSD triggered by people in general? Like you've been treated like crap by people in general throughout life, that now you can barely be around them without having symptoms of anxiety, nausea, flash backs etc. ",12.059374999999996,9.793212854166667,10.486666666666668,62.625000000000036,55.875,12.933333333333335,44.83333333333333,11.20814326018867,5.272383333333334,219,10,32,4,2,68,36,48,0.107,0.7959999999999999,0.097,0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,5,3,1,2,0,7,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,10,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,4,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860392262867407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164901262237501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699763834436306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712204665638015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177186603941974,0.2376201149198249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.505790731192638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5685507921657392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527669034155104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156423215857146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23442590453210926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PeripheralWarble,2018/01/19,"It is offensive to use the term ""PTSD"" lightly/casually, like people do with ""OCD""? You know how there's a big controversy over misuse of ""OCD""? Like ""Oh my god I'm so OCD, I always have to keep my room clean.""

What about casual use of PTSD? Like ""I have PTSD from all the beeps in kitchen in my fast food job.""",1.0506770833333334,2.8317210468750043,2.9512500000000017,92.90208333333337,80.71875,6.7666666666666675,18.479166666666664,7.793537801064563,0.2698729166666665,233,5,56,4,6,78,48,64,0.044,0.78,0.17600000000000002,0.787,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,4,2,0,3,1,7,9,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,10,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,5,29,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768311016942579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569763030500922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089025105669365,0.1888948029291236,0.0,0.0,0.1167937413543156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31147509718962857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473324738512852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7452627203164827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670927706267498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nugslug717,2018/01/19,"Has anyone else thrown up from anxiety/panic? It’s not uncommon for me, though, most of the time I don’t vomit 


Has anyone else experienced this? ",2.581309523809523,5.1785183214285695,4.485714285714288,79.5259523809524,80.07142857142857,8.019047619047619,20.047619047619047,8.841846274778883,1.6958904761904765,115,3,21,3,3,39,25,28,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436764724311331,0.64002029935778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5218088530844498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068541580600388,0.0,0.1821171011497281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,seethrough45,2018/01/19,"dont know what to do anymore . . . hey everyone

I have recently discovered i am very hyper vigilante and have bad anxiety/PTSD. I talk to my councillor atleast once a week at school but now my problems have snowballed into bigger badder things. I am starting to have disorientating visuals and panic attacks for no reason. Sometimes im super low and other times im super happy!.

I flinch so easily for no reason in public which is embarrassing and my visuals disturb me. 

MY question to you all is were do i go from here?

should i maybe talk to my doctor about medication or talk to a professional?

I do practices to prevent certain behaviour but right now im stuck and dont know my way foward.",2.980649350649351,5.64961896969697,4.982597402597406,76.13318181818184,79.0,8.013852813852813,28.36796536796537,8.841846274778883,2.8815329004329016,552,25,94,14,14,189,84,132,0.213,0.664,0.123,-0.9149,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,5,11,1,3,2,0,15,2,0,2,2,20,20,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,16,4,14,17,1,14,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,3,6,66,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421801329175172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16309904536789901,0.0,0.0,0.11970427178967487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674074712112198,0.0,0.0,0.33604678651120284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699195648712562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147796356995222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261532689636095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645782875629879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575799480188298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402999580521694,0.0,0.0,0.14442574008045986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267966486833812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820861951824945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718149911705166,0.16758669224059927,0.0,0.16060226152688842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948073896396291,0.14155621553104886,0.0,0.0,0.12243342287765675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509362194234146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179222550360304,0.0,0.1014748961634514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456954703609441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524572166616302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359762322379413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182916188217982,0.0,0.11379692511636105,0.11499922143712425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bmh0797,2018/01/19,"disability for PTSD? I've been diagnosed with multiple-trauma PTSD and it's been recommended that I apply for disability. Knowing absolutely nothing about the process (and not in the best shape to research), the only thing I can find is that I should probably lawyer up. Can anyone out there provide me with any advice that will save me some steps?",7.453095238095237,8.546640619047622,7.4096428571428605,69.99160714285715,63.444444444444436,10.744444444444444,34.79761904761905,10.686352973137794,3.939352380952382,281,12,47,7,4,90,48,63,0.054000000000000006,0.861,0.085,0.2481,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,7,1,0,0,0,11,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,2,9,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,35,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635872125951928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343273263002585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886087706000776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830759248645007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737808441847113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465378534065801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824227827756473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25882320403061543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051497412886064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290825790756904,0.0,0.6306242229189943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792035465615921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Andosworld89,2018/01/19,Well One of my best friends just told me I'd be a perfect assassin for hire because of what I've done. Anyone else been through/told that?,3.685517241379313,4.461577034482762,3.8994827586206933,92.9312931034483,71.75862068965517,7.179310344827586,31.74137931034483,7.1686216300943375,1.6338827586206892,110,5,25,1,2,34,26,29,0.0,0.616,0.384,0.9201,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181505940279782,0.3196705244797673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018614884243207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32741415453659056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31927399094547393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062752995658434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410426248282144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141243236729695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5962394439452698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28051639092293146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NatureTranscends,2018/01/19,"Olfactory hallucinations Hey, everyone. I decided to come here instead of posting to advice because I think that maybe this would be the more fitting subreddit, but I'm not sure. Maybe one of yall can help me.

A couple of weeks ago, I was laying in bed and I started to smell something from my childhood - a gross mix of two different scents that I had only ever smelled in one place. It came in out of the blue and I had never had this happen to me before and I have no explanation for it. 

I looked everywhere for the possible cause, did everything to make it go away. I put vicks under my nose and that helped mask some of the smell, but it was still definitely there.

It didn't go away until the next day.

Has anyone else dealt with olfactory hallucinations? Should I seek out medical attention? Any advice and comments are appreciated, thanks.

",3.5665424430641828,5.948083086956522,4.940099378881989,78.76178467908905,75.27329192546584,8.268488612836439,26.26128364389234,9.029198982220553,2.317749979296066,671,25,125,16,15,223,107,161,0.057,0.847,0.096,0.8109,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,0,14,2,1,2,3,24,25,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,10,10,0,0,3,0,0,5,4,1,0,3,8,7,15,2,24,14,2,26,0,0,2,0,5,10,0,1,10,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920150773395903,0.13244822588841484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160797080819063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447510748234068,0.15309429961798132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280762410080945,0.0,0.0,0.09108257729253404,0.0,0.12714196984291334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089204381530385,0.0,0.15349134085495256,0.0,0.12870861214747964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532590855558696,0.0,0.0963609279361297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610786790218184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248178549611418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515528248529385,0.0,0.1427733448743303,0.13428542294008464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698330572207596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212803258368944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003007256657385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547176801066853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973630795523636,0.0,0.3002168125875207,0.0,0.0,0.1505208519244394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523879310792083,0.0,0.1589055596587943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024962314963368,0.1136375641647532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610786790218184,0.0,0.0,0.16844403531762972,0.1430991792896424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020430036345572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502769937731655,0.0,0.0,0.10575737961223194,0.0,0.1193237719901398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082276615788564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756213360619599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573970866080336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595767376778845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985246377633163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614080509373744,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Nightsswiftdragons,2018/01/19,"In behavioral therapy and psychiatric outpatient care but... ...but I feel like what's missing is just plain talk therapy. I want to talk about what happened, not just how to restructure my thoughts or what side effects the current medications are giving me. The health system I'm working with doesn't offer talk therapy and the area I'm in is infamously pretty devoid of psychologists and psychiatrists.

I just want to be able to talk about the multiple instances of abuse I went through. I'm almost certain I have C-PTSD and every day I feel less sure that I can be helped through the treatments that I'm currently working within. 

I just want to get better. ",5.170081967213116,7.365819614754102,5.610622950819675,76.56675409836069,70.0655737704918,9.142295081967212,32.691803278688525,9.642632912329526,3.445413770491804,531,25,91,13,10,170,75,122,0.052000000000000005,0.77,0.17800000000000002,0.8889,2,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,7,6,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,2,2,25,24,8,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,2,10,5,15,20,1,10,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,2,4,57,15,2,0.14935026213471678,0.17695563869404612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955271392725086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208817003784018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227254591953548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096318563637978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583403727248615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103196001717387,0.10669585711063508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802934776064259,0.14327038038296325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206994356891488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875234471609112,0.0,0.0,0.10010633254048908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729649941058886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504546766562518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519429089794467,0.0,0.0,0.17458246417088308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076085457421958,0.0,0.0,0.4801683336660168,0.0,0.0,0.5123851222663727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856742554879812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642719624167571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384491892751306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745753917422184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KohrAhHamster,2018/01/20,"PTSD recovery experience? tl:dr, Anyone have any rituals to help a recovering person to maintain an active lifestyle?

So I got my PTSD after i got t-boned in a car accident. I thought I was going to be fine as I was recovering, but the stress from my family and past relationships seemed to make me develop ptsd. The first year i was just really disabled and lost interest in everything. the next two years i decided to get more mobile, but then i had anger attacks and anxiety attacks (even when i wasn't angry, something i had no idea could happen before that).

So this year I started getting therapy, something i SHOULD have done a long long time ago. Things have been going good so far. I keep improving and I have days where i actually feel positive.

The hardest part still, it just like... getting physically active in order to do daily thing. There are still days where I wake up and my body feels like shit (not like how when i had anxiety attacks, just a general kind of shit). And it's just impossible to get really active everyday or just ""some"" days. Anyone have any rituals to help a recovering person to maintain an active lifestyle?",5.5843875968992265,6.91238579534884,6.794418604651162,71.87922480620158,67.79069767441861,10.570542635658915,32.00775193798449,10.650279960617883,3.75083565891473,906,38,158,26,15,306,124,215,0.151,0.6609999999999999,0.188,0.8498,0,0,2,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,2,17,15,6,1,11,0,19,4,4,2,0,28,36,17,0,2,9,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,8,0,2,13,2,21,7,17,20,3,32,2,1,0,0,5,7,2,3,24,108,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.09975535860444727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061493634286373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903092691431965,0.0,0.15640134605057324,0.0,0.0,0.1429540509195181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488818560490786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698464193494057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354722803102185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161712099333003,0.0,0.0,0.1977770398728028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461009873079563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751763635161663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187186139995444,0.09999416659800836,0.09636718773223772,0.0,0.10337451352457076,0.07302846578065221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695122944112066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21363017111024105,0.0,0.1161919049179138,0.08574019478306147,0.16351489089078428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039587492674823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703647129952154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153978523983332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086091501440507,0.0,0.10645001108306576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982366849695367,0.0,0.0,0.18092910433484333,0.0,0.0,0.11158899054600588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823495849653739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871581764439678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069805396121328,0.0975838667869518,0.0,0.17851517818006213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584812903480893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097394203502105,0.0,0.0,0.10974974829088882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306040578807363,0.0,0.0,0.20986184129450694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739323931032465,0.0,0.0,0.07235429660963626,0.0,0.16327158677363104,0.0,0.1170966369223019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690144422741393,0.0,0.13582545943445926,0.0,0.0,0.08115401491561149,0.059607326100162915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985747433388224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748568509491787
ptsd,theSelf-Obsessedpete,2018/01/20,"dissociative flashback destroying my life and has been a burden on my happiness ever since said event, i do not have Diagnosed PTSD and desperately need advice! DP/DR w OCD is destroying me. its psychological somaticism. it can't be explained to a doctor without getting the ''coping'' technique treatment. this makes me want to die! all because one mistake in November 2016 when i got severely attached to a girl which triggered a psychotic episode w/a panic attack and since i have had occasional episodes where my mind feels like it is back in the event and ''unreal''. no one can diagnose me with PTSD because it is not! i don''t know if this is a OCD thing? if i have a multitude of things on my mind or other milder worries i seem to be fine but when my brain is quiet and worry-less it seems i involuntary remind myself of the ''dissociative flashback'' which starts a cycle of psychological drowning and feelings of detachment as well as depressive feelings.  this is all because of one thing in the past, my life would be 100x better if this was gone heck i would DO anything to get rid of this forever! meds have helped it occur less frequently but it is still the same severity.",5.676590909090908,7.304026522727277,6.2925,74.43875,67.86363636363636,9.681818181818182,32.84090909090909,9.978442167317967,3.4854090909090907,945,42,164,23,16,308,130,220,0.121,0.82,0.059,-0.8926,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,7,12,3,1,12,0,24,6,1,2,3,36,40,16,2,8,9,0,3,1,0,2,5,2,0,1,18,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,7,1,3,6,5,18,5,20,29,4,17,0,1,0,0,4,6,1,6,11,121,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041178503580642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140177334782034,0.0,0.0,0.14018359712638748,0.0,0.0947506413419252,0.0,0.2253462215179033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898045435594687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755727250945374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613152100929964,0.2501368699362489,0.1278856962663186,0.0,0.0,0.12612364302961865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146197634272967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18691528113636754,0.08803031325578298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875753778127008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985524405670484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117284318061478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259357065091184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771996702506904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407165797209012,0.060200381362394015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225210138588086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368726283107108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24883957700629755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136806214293386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504966481830908,0.0,0.0,0.14457527509460882,0.0,0.0,0.11762999907142845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880814574457823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721299443572555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435461530412665,0.0,0.2784131280285087,0.0,0.20386216248193564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721765311459664,0.0,0.0984057981761638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455910366111071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267993424257257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079199537412764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878227446206595,0.0,0.0,0.1251386215012059,0.0,0.17506772489848824,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gbailey97405,2018/01/20,"Question Re: Hearing Crying I have a diagnosis of PTSD due to childhood trauma, as well as BiPolar and Aspergers.  My whole life I have had MAJOR issues getting upset/angry when OTHER PEOPLE cry, first my father (abusive towards me...), now my son.  Is this from the PTSD...?  Common...?  Anyone know why...?

Thoughts/help appreciated.  Thanks.",3.0556140350877214,6.14158263157895,4.269473684210528,75.73298245614036,91.10526315789473,4.63859649122807,25.63157894736842,6.42735559955562,1.6400736842105257,258,11,36,3,9,84,51,57,0.149,0.721,0.13,-0.3049,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,8,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,6,2,6,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,6,26,8,0,0.0,0.2512211442588566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825646272112175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4658104902611594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18035280040368745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077704092884852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389734725804009,0.0,0.14211938988766135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130446690136266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652626616051386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976321784348226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699506037741494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957039712350885,0.0,0.2375223765199669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952089433004147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906406353777585,0.0,0.1913242981645696,0.23672417330296455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,aquarae,2018/01/20,"Trouble adjusting to city life I grew up and lived in a small community (about 10,000 people) for my entire childhood. After I graduated high school, I moved to a slightly more populated area but it still had elements of a rural area. 

About 4 months ago, I moved to a city environment. The constant stream of stimuli (noise, light, etc) has been very difficult to get used to. I struggle with the normal sounds of cars passing by on the busy road we live on, so as you can imagine, actually creepy things have a HUGE affect on me. It's about 2am as I'm writing this and there's a man pacing around my apartment building, knocking on doors and windows, and it's EXTREMELY triggering, and has induced a lot of paranoia.

I'm not alone (my boyfriend is here) and my doors and windows are locked, as well as the lights off (save for a few lamps that we keep on all of the time). However, the apartment is on the ground floor which gives me anxiety, and I have doubts about the strength of one of the bedroom windows. The guy kind of looks like my neighbor's boyfriend, and I keep telling myself that she probably fell asleep and accidentally locked him out. I just can't seem to shake the paranoia that he's dangerous.

Any tips on how I can relax enough to sleep?",7.885519125683062,6.64905186885246,7.380163934426233,78.36633879781424,63.098360655737714,10.592349726775957,36.72677595628414,9.516144504307137,3.1735857923497264,992,40,199,15,12,311,152,244,0.103,0.809,0.08800000000000001,-0.3824,1,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,1,0,1,12,12,1,3,19,0,12,3,2,5,1,34,21,17,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,2,9,15,0,2,4,1,0,7,2,6,1,1,2,4,22,6,40,19,6,36,0,0,1,0,12,22,0,3,8,128,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.15928744455445518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469219348659534,0.0,0.0,0.1690554718479564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100095960775733,0.0,0.12486933577201427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453079482339574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639199232865976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865864727971802,0.1820428959180823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528014061583511,0.15658362572275678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162185192386966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245984456045824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901699350290117,0.0,0.16997733731227385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115293098368419,0.07974518736810872,0.0,0.2882674659094034,0.0,0.13707080795026974,0.0,0.0,0.13877101142042333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028741059162527,0.34697207132585245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992924775404255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106078383135866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316207143383407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759879024307628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16519592995829385,0.0,0.14859707222306578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163346355570693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035447012248635,0.0,0.0,0.17064184164138346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266888079137666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084417450923047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517983579075356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097699321345494,0.0,0.1346805856518246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676200100479056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hummusandpitachiphoe,2018/01/20,"I feel like no one takes my PTSD seriously Last year I found out that I had been stalked for an entire year without having a clue it was happening, a guy at my school followed me home, got my entire schedule, and watched me for a year until he finally leaked all of my information online when he found out I had a boyfriend. I went to the school with it but they did NOTHING, the fucking principle said ""well he's an honor student with a future ahead of him"". After this happened I went into a derealization episode for 8 months, every single day I would wake up and feel like nothing was real. I was having a major panic attack and I tried to tell a girl from my school I was too freaked out to go back to the school and she said I was overreacting and looked at me like I was crazy. Since time has passed I feel like I am coping better with my PTSD but it just sucks when you feel like your feelings aren't valid.",4.552258064516128,5.051052774193551,5.1732795698924745,85.57991935483875,69.64516129032258,7.705376344086022,26.79032258064516,7.492282038375204,1.2369225806451616,720,21,152,7,12,232,110,186,0.116,0.75,0.134,0.6804,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,3,6,14,3,1,13,0,16,2,1,0,1,27,36,10,0,1,4,0,5,5,0,1,0,2,1,2,5,12,0,0,8,0,0,5,3,6,1,1,17,9,28,8,24,18,3,28,0,0,2,1,14,7,2,0,21,103,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429083564774285,0.0,0.08400866172616338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662522590969838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045901966959722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205019855374016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27620749935560585,0.3122008971428881,0.0,0.1196811054406072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395801187259082,0.0,0.10100245588794306,0.0,0.0,0.062090885670989276,0.0,0.08737944698450913,0.0,0.0,0.1081774516612118,0.19322378574207985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958946932792807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905561621413305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266877004843112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174483848995936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720454501399298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966202206638726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403252679071681,0.0,0.0,0.12818462447721546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25542136037694835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435360828501513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784886856706655,0.0,0.0,0.4422786774181989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037504762055422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214451116930609,0.0,0.0954917653253853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370618801117496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417548168780015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823139062208518,0.20255688585725265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531580338689073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761005662796762,0.0,0.0,0.21106566939492608
ptsd,I_Am_Air,2018/01/20,"How do I deal with my passive-aggressive manipulative behavior? I always make so many decisions based on fear or because of triggers. These decisions end up being passive-aggressive and/or manipulative. I hurt friends, family members, and romantic partners. I hate this about myself. I can never see it in the moment, but after I reflect, I notice the toxic behavior.

How have you all dealt with PTSD and passive-aggressive manipulative behavior? Any book recommendations? 

Part of me wants to hide and avoid interacting with people, but I know there is more to life than hiding. I want to have healthy interactions with all people currently in my life and with the people I have not met yet.  ",6.43225,9.025897725000004,7.183333333333337,64.935,67.58333333333334,10.466666666666667,33.66666666666667,10.577609850970193,4.4210666666666665,557,26,83,17,10,184,80,120,0.123,0.8029999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.7131,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,1,2,3,0,7,2,0,7,3,30,14,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,15,1,17,12,4,10,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,1,6,63,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742605839181727,0.0,0.0,0.14241798539358616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766515322843786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591071396201825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549073884211226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742975235040666,0.2356643336033097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180328494255294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067664490675334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241966336654615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509596089934875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958498891800084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979458438740966,0.21232676883418505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615235165418281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23843477063819565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267897392622895,0.0,0.4355722948753349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24480971874759536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688672448577896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24705171125241976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,firecat1995,2018/01/20,"Can you have PTSD from almost drowning? Hello, I'm 23. I almost drowned yesterday while surfing (one of my biggest fears). I'm feeling pretty angry today and that life is really arbitrary and feeling like it's pointless to be careful, is this from the incident? What else can I expect?",4.0430188679245305,6.591455943396228,5.24211320754717,76.35901886792455,74.47169811320755,7.258867924528303,31.35471698113208,8.238735603445708,2.8901501886792462,227,11,35,4,5,75,43,53,0.118,0.698,0.185,0.2342,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,7,11,3,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,4,2,4,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,4,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459882174849916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779589006955476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22774283115250385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30677841564216995,0.2756943303387805,0.1947630347424076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925627838604761,0.1331905855284446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473745231820274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773571801362542,0.0,0.0,0.3186835127016343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746502692493581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25841619856928155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,theashtonjay,2018/01/21,"PTSD diagnosis So, I was looking into PTSD, due to things from my past, and came across C-PTSD. I was shocked at how much it made sense in my head. I’ve never discussed a PTSD diagnosis with a doctor or therapist as I really didn’t think I could have it. I always assumed the trauma had to be physical or something along the lines of being in a warzone, not something such as verbal and emotional abuse. I’m curious as to how I could bring this up to a therapist or a doctor without looking like I’m making my problems more than what they are. 

When you were diagnosed, if you were, did you bring it up yourself? Or was it suggested? If you brought it up yourself, how did you do it? Were there any kinds of resources you had to back yourself up? 

I’m not saying this is the be all, end all of my mental issues, it’s just something overall that has made the most sense that encompasses all the problems I seem to face. It would be something worth exploring, I think. 
",3.9367949666913375,5.1153891968911935,5.010262768319767,83.69534974093266,71.53886010362694,8.001332346410067,29.32975573649149,8.418075326091056,2.073805625462621,757,30,152,12,14,249,105,193,0.095,0.8740000000000001,0.031,-0.9181,0,0,4,0,1,0,22.0,0,6,1,0,9,6,0,0,10,0,23,5,2,6,4,37,38,16,0,7,10,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,14,6,0,0,5,0,1,5,5,4,0,0,15,3,19,2,26,16,6,21,0,0,2,0,10,10,0,9,7,118,33,2,0.0,0.13825533666305234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709315805777156,0.0,0.0,0.07935134644436845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972530961389279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345915350453244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863305837765114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843512499238955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886873503319106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125747550007472,0.10335028851450943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975480551274055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179119582768386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215118376311308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700750707452123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19597584034419868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082463659184545,0.07788966025685275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175933251957548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857785712456003,0.0,0.08999641783024757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113912047146824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22330792098938573,0.5456047072033275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475285449265859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279440230405174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622771010501507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359326251725611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27096583329185514,0.07752183867832076,0.14953698474635627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248236636510672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289129021951115,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,catfood2002,2018/01/21,"Seeing a doctor tomorrow because I’m pretty sure I have PTSD, what should I expect? Yooo, been lurking for a little while, first time poster.

So I’m seeing a doctor tomorrow because I think I might have PTSD (not going to list symptoms here, not looking for a diagnosis from you guys). I’ve been worrying about this for the last few days because I don’t really know what questions the doctor is going to ask me and what they’re going to say. 

My biggest worry is that they’re going to ask me to describe the trauma, which I’m terrified of talking about (I haven’t told anyone yet, I wrote what happened to my mum in a letter because I couldn’t say it and nobody else knows). 

Also, I’ve only just turned 14 and I’m slightly concerned that they’re not going to take me seriously/think I’m faking for attention. It doesn’t help that I’ve never met this doctor before (my regular one was fully booked :/).

I’m posting here because I’m looking for you people’s experiences with talking to doctors about this kind of thing, because I’m really worried. 

(I’m in the UK, if that makes any difference. Also sorry if this sub doesn’t really fit, I was going to post in /r/mentalhealth but I decided this instead).",4.3802904257937465,5.5402597782426835,5.840221511198621,78.23140290425793,70.46443514644352,8.133989662810732,28.28476495200591,8.4952907291091,2.168187595372877,953,34,173,15,17,323,124,239,0.066,0.898,0.035,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,0,1,11,4,0,0,9,0,15,6,0,1,2,25,46,10,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,17,4,0,0,6,1,0,6,9,2,0,2,7,6,18,2,24,36,1,23,0,0,4,0,16,6,0,4,9,105,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859645112977413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631803976557313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496319908130142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737122489939107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398138988749867,0.0,0.07905757933668654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059917757406775976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970687347931287,0.0,0.4754746561704245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761243186193655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908815232571814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902721178188324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168094000386593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199319456777187,0.08215794069803428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227404896306017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674903533988298,0.10211924509524546,0.07573214661588368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311788733623627,0.0,0.0,0.15603807721830182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201658735240046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856034973364018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165611827510363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295663779112824,0.07066046527108713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441047625174094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17795972067576404,0.0945204954896216,0.0,0.0,0.21720817546626214,0.0,0.10407784692095004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855708633973816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776780736559209,0.0,0.0,0.1480707592841548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400252370845096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756437407485426,0.09656663690503672,0.06985500104345714,0.1493513225506206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617237238454869,0.11906295965799993,0.0,0.0,0.05417520619026038,0.0,0.0,0.08877725469813154,0.0,0.0,0.10105685963846704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830567287909079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ducking_Confused,2018/01/21,"Everything is a Trigger Today I woke up today after a night full of nightmares. I woke up exhausted because even though I slept for 10 hours, it felt like I only slept for 2 hours. My nightmares were all my fears and the reasons I have PTSD. So you can imagine that my anxiety was through the roof and was extremely agitated by the slightest things. 
I tried to explain this to my S/O in hopes that he would cut me some slack with his jokes. The reason I say this is because his “jokes” are to push my buttons, buttons that piss me off or scare me. 
Throughout the day I tried to just be quiet and to just get through this day, but of course my S/O wouldn’t have that. 
So finally, when I started to feel a little better we began to watch a movie. Everything was fine and we were enjoying it. Until he gasped and said “babe” and gave me a serious look. Obviously a million thought went through my head and my anxiety shot through the roof in a split of a second. Then he says “the remote fell behind the couch.” 
So that was it. That was the moment when I couldn’t handle it anymore and flew off my rockers. I cursed him like I’ve never done before. Then he told me to go to the bedroom. We were quiet for a few second then I got up and went into the bedroom and laid down. He came in and all he said was to never talk to him like that again. I said I’m sorry and he turned off the light and left me alone in the bedroom. 
I don’t feel sorry. I don’t exactly know how I feel. It’s a mixture between anger, hating myself, suicidal thoughts, sadness and hopelessness. 
I don’t know if what I said was that wrong given the circumstances. ",3.1647747747747736,4.367271279279279,4.239634834834835,88.39087567567567,73.44444444444444,7.1298018018018015,26.232912912912926,7.554174236665415,1.2471790750750755,1268,43,270,15,25,413,165,333,0.149,0.782,0.068,-0.979,0,1,0,0,0,1,32.0,3,1,0,1,12,20,4,2,24,0,24,5,4,4,6,50,58,28,1,5,5,0,4,3,0,2,1,8,4,1,18,20,0,0,12,2,0,7,7,11,0,3,31,15,42,9,39,23,5,43,0,2,2,0,26,15,1,4,24,188,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133410982721398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446928562473204,0.0,0.10660779132095063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105791985545096,0.0,0.0914717314180708,0.0,0.0,0.09507205106381768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294752985715166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865289220011287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100063947136572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100052332177564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322211470710698,0.0,0.0,0.12096361679410472,0.16306060804962014,0.0,0.10321364146683086,0.11775732538475235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616256272345207,0.0,0.06109282330296169,0.0,0.08597489079511259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613068650848068,0.1103225754074263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676842833822063,0.2117250928663276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815469482296367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679542446286005,0.0,0.0,0.15755229957805292,0.10773988341287068,0.0,0.0,0.0902701120503528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581608646042076,0.0,0.0,0.10087832374907198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081756046104405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565783100595915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104891892883868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090157215142198,0.1709713009301604,0.1076228993221397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24066739698533474,0.07608668196128503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758388739262444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640173515244773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141599751837513,0.0,0.10561491256966099,0.17068066478703495,0.0,0.0,0.20378850938186385,0.10271765548496624,0.0,0.14596633780284887,0.11692548646646896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930094252556585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636253573880986,0.11753071137323493,0.0,0.0
ptsd,teenytinybaklava,2018/01/21,"Roommate coming back; how do I deal? I don't want to go into what happened to me, but basically I associate people in my living space with danger. 


I live at a college dorm (otherwise homeless) and I stayed on campus over break. Having no one in my space did wonders for my mental health. I felt so much calmer and happier. I felt at peace and safe. 


Already one of my suitemates is back, and I'm having a hard time coping. I couldn't sleep I felt so unsafe. Tomorrow, my roommate is coming back, and that's a major anxiety of mine. No more space that will be mine. No more area to control. No more safe space. 


Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can cope and ease my anxiety? ",1.4238480392156845,3.806784080882359,3.390117647058826,86.90586274509806,83.19117647058823,6.273725490196076,21.566666666666666,7.554174236665415,1.0180790196078435,529,17,105,9,15,178,83,136,0.15,0.6890000000000001,0.161,0.7728,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,3,0,12,2,1,3,0,22,22,11,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,10,0,3,4,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,4,4,19,2,15,15,5,23,0,0,0,0,2,13,0,1,5,76,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851282695195075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000644160357001,0.0,0.2475011268771173,0.0,0.0,0.11311056326455406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731642552274587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786942070284296,0.0,0.0,0.18143434801043765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667736647264603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156253526681253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659622459311638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193535774264884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143049158299307,0.0,0.14491058090302955,0.0,0.0,0.17194971600656722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28568472080628515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302210158696664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891663861283458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923368499402315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214819085271326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188284667754926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17242105493632534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943270678447467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954137905119366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542834950590067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jaq_the_ripper,2018/01/21,"I had my first EMDR session and my thoughts are... Game-changer. Absolute game-changer. I'm 28 and have been doing talk therapy on and off since I was 9 years old and would say it's helped about 15-20%, definitely SOMETHING and am grateful for all of my therapists. But it left me feeling as though I was simply managing a lot of deeply entwined problems and not actually healing them. I really felt like I didn't have much to show for almost two decades. 

My current therapist recommended EMDR and helped me to stop trivializing my childhood traumas. I did what a lot of us do and didn't think that my traumas weren't ""severe enough"" to be treated as PTSD. 

I am a highly functioning trauma victim/survivor with a solid good-paying career, yet, I felt like I was being eaten alive from the inside by cannibals, on a daily basis. But you know, because I could hold down a job, I was obviously unworthy of actual trauma-treatment, (makes sense, right?).  

My first EMDR session the other day impacted me more around 85% - 90% as opposed to the normal 15 - 20% I mentioned earlier. We still have several sessions to go, but I am very excited for them and I don't plan on quitting talk therapy after we're done. 

Again, this is a big big deal. I was pouring tears of joy by the end of it and it seems like I'm finally setting my fucked up, mangled, brain in a cast so it can heal. Someone else I read on here compared PTSD to a poison flowing through our bodies, and I feel like I am finally extracting it. Good luck, and I love you all.",4.853494983277592,5.700187618729099,6.1448478260869575,77.63466304347828,69.13377926421404,9.056923076923075,32.34130434782608,9.255337874911486,2.9189878260869566,1194,52,224,23,20,403,181,299,0.087,0.764,0.14800000000000002,0.9543,2,0,2,0,0,0,49.0,3,2,2,4,8,16,2,0,13,0,29,8,2,1,3,42,44,20,0,4,4,0,4,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,10,15,1,3,8,2,0,2,5,6,0,3,16,5,37,10,34,24,7,32,0,0,0,2,15,14,1,5,19,155,47,7,0.0,0.0,0.20542024199496176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539400922268934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369600339029373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416023736136797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169105067953199,0.0,0.1174952993958376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22268391477407265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840346272116678,0.0,0.0,0.06787840432849207,0.10850950558041347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770865894836684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792398545687725,0.0,0.09322144321677303,0.1087527652780514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643647560093113,0.07519157528502719,0.202115575853696,0.23059538732367002,0.0,0.17905346483069182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097303163896996,0.0,0.0,0.059816759620744224,0.1765596536108932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109550349121985,0.11120381491182624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444571017742203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784338156414012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114355884246047,0.0,0.0,0.20568194477487825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789618436506687,0.0949934397945834,0.0,0.07025608389848438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737184214502725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312396205363306,0.0,0.0,0.11044357168192688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071131380269503,0.2460663582193024,0.0,0.0,0.11194775120570463,0.10527981824924684,0.0,0.0674267007914617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988406564101382,0.0,0.0837000866621394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581686309673183,0.0,0.2378081015759681,0.0,0.08706499256392182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917911522156953,0.08102762037000089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405385268307143,0.08799482952400772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919407364100722,0.0,0.0,0.2407281503340244,0.2444098260872877,0.0,0.06744080608145979,0.1034089029773005,0.08355780389167206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281526140369808,0.0,0.12660439764369466,0.0,0.0,0.08684337479958391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476752910349521,0.0,0.0,0.06777840941791484
ptsd,iwaitedlongago,2018/01/22,"How to manage embarrassment over hyper vigilance ? I have a harder time going out in public these days bc I’m afraid people will notice how jumpy and nervous I am. My pupils are often dilated, and I just generally seem anxious and have jumpy movements. If anything is loud or sudden, I will overreact and it creates rather unpleasant feelings in my body.

I may try a new medication. Antidepressants were ok but kind of turned into an unfeeling zombie, which wasn’t good either.

It’s hard to describe, but the vigilance goes beyond traditional anxiety and it can be embarrassing. I don’t like it if it affects the mood of others around me, or even makes people want to stay away.

Has anyone had luck with medication that soothes you enough, without making you groggy or disconnected?


",6.6646808510638325,8.372482028368797,7.148716312056737,68.92350000000002,65.59574468085107,9.89531914893617,31.83049645390071,10.125756701596842,3.544718581560284,630,25,99,15,10,206,107,141,0.128,0.765,0.106,0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,8,10,0,4,5,1,15,3,1,5,0,32,23,14,0,4,11,0,2,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,9,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,3,11,5,15,16,2,15,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,9,5,75,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865308010888018,0.21952453460274865,0.0,0.13587197629588546,0.0,0.15990752490517818,0.17298461576441398,0.0,0.0,0.18256857756160674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584398869788254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253193227736128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007829003823879,0.0,0.1283455016057686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982532454370025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043565152042197,0.16298509399677527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407116051069602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20235276005879568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493417781746484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594181446068113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39151078410081214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767396702139472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212328398834673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694318883997889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690021609029122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711760964735149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330864913372893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192947013897574,0.21136267042745735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461405467866707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731604867189244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,krisuhh,2018/01/22,"Sacrificed my life to save a loved one I’ve been diagnosed to have PTSD for almost a year now. Couple of years ago I broke up with my ex girl (no here’s number jokes included) and she started acting suicidal and self-harmfull. So I decided thats it’s my duty to help her through the hard times. I don’t want to go too much on details but after months of daily suicide threats and runs to her house to see if she had already swallowed the pills, I started to fall apart.  After that, It still took me around a month of panic attacks and puking in the schools’ bathroom to tell her that I couldn’t take it anymore. The worst part of the story is that now she’s fine and I’m struggling with PTSD, panic disorder and depression. I’ve been secretly ashamed of how ”easily” I got fucked up so bad. I always thought PTSD as a veterans and sexual-assault victims problem. Would be nice to hear if someone has PTSD because of similar abuse. I really hope that all of you get better.",4.644307692307692,5.414430764102568,5.448717948717951,82.7146153846154,69.56410256410257,8.666666666666668,30.89743589743589,8.841846274778883,2.435974358974359,769,31,152,13,13,251,130,195,0.315,0.574,0.111,-0.9959,1,0,0,0,1,2,17.0,0,1,0,1,9,20,4,4,9,0,10,6,0,1,1,26,25,14,2,7,3,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,8,10,1,1,3,1,0,5,3,13,0,1,6,3,19,7,28,16,4,24,0,2,1,2,14,6,1,4,13,98,27,2,0.0,0.1377116802971427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302948779967476,0.0,0.11638598057634295,0.0,0.1282609595046969,0.0,0.0967113622100422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526736817040925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034679419740308,0.0,0.13222661510360464,0.0,0.0,0.09704588176152434,0.07085177036519973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279459856453672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860454388304415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010737394764148,0.11796940691449476,0.0,0.0,0.13320784701208999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745130797144484,0.0607245560068707,0.0,0.06605529360449608,0.0,0.09295849081851704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411784108941573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099788456333314,0.0,0.07790546469316394,0.0,0.0,0.11544105347034865,0.0,0.1341119997428409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209557534170765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490069331599408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554484325022905,0.0,0.08544126733067109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875939021640316,0.0,0.0,0.2727380327699433,0.0,0.12586406016873802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121490774007914,0.5434592459177046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445890659743994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762937336194812,0.09261900825128906,0.0,0.12125159794044794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984799691039611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645341578476681,0.0,0.09282017201820912,0.0,0.0,0.12150718789907425,0.0,0.2542700692145382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738931237087423,0.0,0.10158876825825544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227238827389077,0.06777373052463244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913405910344744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685545376766406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256533985336993,0.0,0.0,0.14969459270386348
ptsd,ajasensioa,2018/01/22,"Hypersensitivity I think I have some kind of trauma in the back of my head. I can only remember snippets, specifically of running away from something in complete terror. I just can't seem to put my finger on it. 

Does anyone know how to uncover hidden trauma? ",3.6818750000000016,6.474045104166668,5.853999999999999,70.19100000000002,77.125,7.173333333333334,26.266666666666666,8.238735603445708,2.256161666666668,207,8,33,4,5,72,39,48,0.193,0.807,0.0,-0.862,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,7,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,1,10,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110927407247294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836412809935845,0.2321394309631554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31653226930860523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641912717163272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098324489094491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3143782837235308,0.16591417627784635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296055533886359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034889190013204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419893786062657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748348295749877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324143320448106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344280168184716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,raybaudi,2018/01/22,"I think I have an episode of PTSD. Help is appreciated. Hello.
I live in a very unsafe country. I grew accustomed somehow to the hazardous risk of my daily life (due to rampant deliquency) and fortunately, due to my residence in an upscale neighborhood, I haven't been really that exposed to the real face of danger.
Nonetheless, tonight, while scrolling down the timeline on Twitter, I came across this gory video of a young man (way too young, a teenager) been brutally beheaded after what looks like a horribly agonizing execution.
It seems it was the by-product of mafia wars but it occured in my home country, fortunately, far away from the capitol city.
However, the video shocked me so much that I can't really think of other things now. I'm really paranoid now that someone could break into my house and subject me to such a dreadful death. I'm paranoid about the domestic employee (from a poor side of the city) to gang up with others to assault on me in order to steal from me or something like that. It got to the point that I felt like throwing up at least a good half an hour after watching the video.

I have never considered myself sensitive to this kind of material. Actually I had watched several of them in the past but this one really hit home. 

I believe the paranoid thoughts (which I never had) and feeling unsafe for my dog and myself (due to a good part of the population being deprived of proper food and healthcare) are an episode of PTSD.

I want to thank all of the police officers, especially those fighting organized-crime for the daunting risk they take on our behalf. I believe that for the first time ever I understand how they expose their relatives and families and I really want to express my gratitude.

THank you very much for reading this and any help is appreciated.",7.658293029871977,7.884443948948956,7.89991781254939,69.6403840682788,62.963963963963955,11.21473051999368,38.247036510194405,10.882677951670544,4.380625225225225,1437,69,244,35,19,470,186,333,0.16899999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.112,-0.9644,2,0,1,0,2,0,39.0,1,1,4,1,9,19,5,3,28,0,14,3,1,1,4,31,32,14,2,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,20,11,1,0,7,4,1,3,4,11,0,3,9,5,34,8,52,20,5,42,0,1,3,0,12,18,0,3,21,178,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.11387477279556946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935471054093199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096361811260178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26294434146579965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346481149900635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316924162638024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555479293986478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000703883457667,0.0,0.059003092190469085,0.0,0.11204283012844372,0.0,0.0,0.09925834196200876,0.14110469454359945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957517939278645,0.0933294276586875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643266940492845,0.0,0.23410362053694506,0.0,0.1149183299650095,0.13464715345473444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151698911971573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824231653557138,0.17102977171522787,0.0,0.10304136737395392,0.0,0.0979920743653209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156441564810807,0.0,0.18000046644821385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907366768673839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636630172148827,0.11139592713951553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031186531666824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728139190444874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167237976809108,0.13282129252420882,0.37378011818187135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623221362373947,0.0,0.13182899247374674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887293857063226,0.08983537133624649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773802624423954,0.0,0.0,0.21486903452327852,0.0,0.0,0.07752512521298946,0.14954332435972198,0.0,0.092640587325316,0.06804417137652248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148071546478185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256660352577415,0.13765618844346175,0.09262485195314783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WTFlintstoneFeet,2018/01/23,"Who's tried EMDR? Hi all, seeing a therapist who had helped me a lot in the past, many years ago. Unfortunately, I don't seem to be having the same luck with her re trauma. I have heard very good things about EMDR. Has anyone here tried it, and if so, can you share your experience? Thanks!",1.5936781609195378,3.84683296551724,3.0317241379310365,90.54402298850576,81.41379310344827,5.935632183908046,14.839080459770114,7.1686216300943375,-0.3495954022988505,224,3,49,3,6,73,52,58,0.08199999999999999,0.725,0.193,0.7911,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,11,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,6,4,4,8,3,4,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,4,3,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245040945026383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328819919999374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704042630189546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318586670622557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528703868013086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23501323023261644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280259410541256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638863293610481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202811039246366,0.2516539844222284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545021270961114,0.0,0.3209597172092547,0.18364962930906312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753593698974435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22808596089109134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801362136641624
ptsd,peacejoyandwine,2018/01/23,"I feel so stuck right now I'm still trying to understand trauma and how it's affected me (started when I was really young and lasted 25 years, I'm now almost 27), so I was hoping someone could help me parse out what's happening. I feel like I don't even have the right language to describe it. 

- I'm spaced out at work and am lucky to get a few things done, so out of an 8-hour work day it feels like I work for one or two hours which I feel terrible about. I work off-site so I'm by myself most of the time. Dissociation or just lack of concentration?
- I'm afraid to see people at work that I know (it does happen once or twice a day) because I'm afraid they'll see how spaced out or freaked out I look. 
- I can barely handle my husband touching me, even as a hug
- Even when nothing is wrong it feels like I'm in terrible danger 
- The fight/flight/freeze part of my brain that supposed to be working in the background is constantly at the forefront, and the active thinking/listening/cognitive processing part feels like it's slowly trying to catch up. It's like my brain reversed itself.
- Things keep randomly reminding me of the trauma and then I feel upset or confused or spaced out for a while--is this a flashback or what?? Sometimes it's visual (I get a mental picture of the scary person walking down the street that lasts for a split second), sometimes it's a smell, sometimes it feels just like a memory of something bad that leaves me feeling upset?
- Last Friday I got to the point where it took every bit of energy to just not collapse on the subway, to not scream when I got startled that someone got on the subway, it felt like my legs were floating when they were firmly on the floor, everything sounded like it was distant and far away and nothing felt real. 

Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm just so overwhelmed and my supervisor has noticed but has been really kind about it. I feel like things are getting worse and I need to keep my job. ",5.053000000000001,5.625984453846153,5.440666666666669,83.84100000000002,68.56410256410257,8.188717948717951,28.164102564102567,8.109356740369918,1.7147302564102558,1547,49,309,19,25,494,195,390,0.083,0.8029999999999999,0.115,0.8394,1,0,1,0,1,0,46.0,0,0,2,6,24,29,1,7,23,0,20,4,3,4,0,60,61,31,0,5,15,1,13,9,0,1,0,2,0,1,28,15,0,2,14,0,0,3,4,16,0,4,14,19,31,13,42,44,6,49,0,1,3,1,5,27,0,14,28,195,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333760519077842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880981903229108,0.0,0.06115094384026085,0.04464540433804525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799572844742164,0.0,0.0,0.16351638850093586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914461304577383,0.0,0.058474844616469734,0.0,0.0,0.09446532406039827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409135346248311,0.07494823627871826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511967267951315,0.0,0.0617064492025225,0.0,0.0658218858323514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703149867382864,0.3139288524611251,0.1406405583598782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479200910016844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572614154263674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295288213056036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909010676009815,0.0,0.0,0.07274218389785027,0.14424999862584384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267773864335768,0.1301951801904848,0.0,0.07626644730598188,0.04024986914661576,0.17909703437223462,0.0,0.07754881346548756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32202492425375323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150174909801195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04888715194722885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380700773205617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054305291437480516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054829992337914,0.08338232065835262,0.0,0.07799642796639872,0.049628185767342216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861994213828065,0.0,0.05077423434506918,0.06394888216293257,0.0,0.0,0.06923389169155486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336124998480933,0.09383669524351712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250902621038839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672292876956948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410919352282172,0.056382442190690676,0.2173037341722752,0.08198431091570718,0.051838464774176564,0.0,0.058488222511871996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145968870355762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0427058574143422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137047603426098,0.09944803302447418,0.0,0.07154320348967065,0.07624368124822609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199102457239602,0.0,0.07463611209221416,0.0,0.08007461337984796,0.0,0.04716308134599246
ptsd,Eodbeast,2018/01/23,"Veterans and Anyone who needs support https://www.facebook.com/100004377877090/videos/917712418384679/

Wrote this song. PTSD is crippling at times... but someone is always there to lend an ear! I'm always here! Ill always listen. PTSD comes in all shapes and sizes. together we can help!",8.260000000000002,12.587138333333336,3.0452380952380977,83.9164285714286,82.33333333333334,5.257142857142857,20.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.9496285714285722,238,6,31,3,7,58,37,42,0.077,0.792,0.131,0.3769,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,8,9,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,3,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6188098925061888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333517953197702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135411097582836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615997379818254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18381230756843414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5795560967239156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004212156885915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813103072477751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455059516724975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,seraphin22,2018/01/23,"Stuck in bed today, disassociating, conversion disorder acting up. It is so frustrating as I have a child and a husband and cats and a house to clean. We send my toddler to daycare 4 days a week so I can keep my anxiety levels down and get things done (OCD and I have post partum anxiety that ramps up when I am with her for too many days, so cleaning is important and time alone). Also to keep her safe if I get like this.  

I need/want to do things today and was looking forward to it. I tried drinking coffee and putting the phone away and doing a small task but my body and brain are saying ""nope"". So now it is 2:24 p.m. and I am in bed, pj's still, not a thing done, teeth not brushed even, and my legs are spasming from the conversion disorder while my brain feels like it is being squeezed. However I can think clearly and type (albeit slowly). 

My body wants to go to sleep again but I just slept 11 hours that I didn't want to. I can't figure out a trigger. I track my moods and activities and avoid any and all triggers, yet here I am. It has been 3 years. I am so sick of this. 

Just need to vent. Someone tell me what to do? I cannot get up (well I can but tell my brain that) because my body thinks I have a disease or am paralysed/blind/deaf all because my brain is confusing it. Arrghhh.

Edit: aaand a pseudo-seizure is starting. Anyone else with conversion disorder with PTSD onset? ",1.6147728419989915,3.731616816254419,2.9871214033316527,91.64833480565372,80.48409893992931,6.162998485613327,22.82799091367996,7.310402129719878,0.7866103987884903,1081,36,234,15,28,351,160,283,0.104,0.845,0.051,-0.9238,1,2,1,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,0,0,17,8,1,2,11,0,31,13,11,2,3,47,47,30,0,4,9,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,15,21,1,4,4,1,0,5,6,3,1,0,7,5,32,4,25,39,2,31,0,0,1,0,13,11,0,3,18,158,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463379186560404,0.0,0.08079147778632058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870201347239502,0.0,0.1545711824260376,0.0,0.0,0.07064062183990684,0.10351438525188604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949184533777162,0.0,0.0,0.1231705820415363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33665559295657305,0.0,0.4511194162895573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030847317633498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473580398430909,0.0,0.0,0.2067719628102824,0.0,0.09896827103916148,0.0,0.0,0.0843953273048197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672756436575664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108242733103624,0.0721739076518227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834774916055938,0.0,0.05741613031159025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949151852061557,0.1165719147308248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959537337417733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987136499771232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483746922322458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024258031222876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14982089317958666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675620588865444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809548175456765,0.1015603183992526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803409464731049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011002387793782,0.0,0.08560008487752069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150762741478803,0.0,0.08068051478282995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660458801179027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013541033868924,0.12946840099138116,0.0,0.0,0.05890981829259534,0.0,0.1915240936345234,0.0,0.0,0.0685908902166229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876551842734856,0.0,0.0810379886102156,0.0,0.09083565588888956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505825477884516
ptsd,roxig66,2018/01/23,"Vision Boards for those of us with PTSD In 2016, I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). At the time of diagnosis, things in my life were going great. I had decided to try Art Therapy to tap into my own creativity and learn some new techniques. At the very first meeting, the therapist asked me simple questions that started to unnerve me.

“Do you sit facing doors and windows?”
“I don’t know?”
“Look at where you are sitting.”
“Okay.”
“If that window behind you was a door, would you have sat there?”
“Absolutely not. No way. I didn’t even know there was a window there….”

Eventually, I was given my diagnosis. It was hard to breathe. I thought all my little quarks where “God-given”. Things like – I’ve never lost my car in a parking lot, no matter the circumstances – I know when an actor is wearing contacts that slightly change the color of their natural eyes – I can tell the make of most cars in the dark just by their head-lights. These are all survival tactics my brain has developed over my lifetime living with PTSD.

Why would I have this? I wasn’t in a war. I wasn’t a victim of domestic violence. This is what I associated with PTSD, at the time. My Art Therapist explained that PTSD can happen when the brain feels extremely unsafe. The situations vary with each person and their age at the time of the event.

It’s been a year since I was diagnosed and I’ve met so many people who also live with PTSD. One of them is our friend, Kim Preske. This week, she shares her vision board story of self-care and living with PTSD. The images she was drawn to manifested in a completely different and amazing way than she ever expected. Her story will inspire you to listen to your own body and trust your instincts in ways you may not realize.

Take a listen: https://leadershipisart.com/1292/

To learn more about Kim, visit the Healing Hearts Counseling Center in Hanover, PA at www.healingheartscounselingcenterllc.com.

My amazing Art Therapist, Brenda can be found at www.arttherapystudios.net.

Connect with me: 
https://leadershipisart.com/team/gina/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gina-nobile-a3597349/
https://twitter.com/gnobile9
https://www.instagram.com/ginanobile/

Blog: http://laagina.blogspot.com/

",6.505744843391902,9.634751866310165,5.520209320091677,74.5178770053476,69.10695187165776,8.124553093964856,26.72849503437739,8.922882184376627,2.371865332314744,1794,60,284,36,35,537,217,374,0.05,0.8340000000000001,0.116,0.9723,1,0,0,0,1,0,96.0,2,8,4,3,12,13,2,1,23,1,31,12,8,1,4,47,51,12,1,4,4,1,2,1,1,4,4,2,5,1,15,17,0,0,13,5,0,4,9,4,0,2,19,7,44,9,46,27,9,44,0,1,3,0,34,21,0,6,15,194,59,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502638828413286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760171596757916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903209839512954,0.0,0.18154554867619346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601891670751786,0.0,0.0852556730513067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506301145801294,0.0,0.084955316105026,0.09319233245612027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370680953724103,0.07355272928329927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111455620244128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691652340183173,0.0,0.08915607178773717,0.06282261970811298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621234424363997,0.0,0.0,0.08964843695843637,0.0,0.0,0.07190527245888821,0.0,0.07284093752027747,0.0,0.08345112497568526,0.0,0.0,0.09635690636406334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406334335091175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057434140120337714,0.039725675951450684,0.08149750350142758,0.21540396949350865,0.0,0.06828287297013204,0.0,0.08876330667881607,0.06912984235268645,0.0,0.0,0.05427740243556873,0.08243914118961372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271399531367422,0.07853309914107247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510014193399722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637255272878323,0.07099982457986091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787586989874871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6653580307120143,0.0,0.09108974587485527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08482772959371143,0.0,0.0,0.06726337958531918,0.09139979736409867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755412418435076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314435629657457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061137643421555324,0.0,0.071071595838283,0.0,0.09298909054004223,0.2832337732255796,0.10804217200621978,0.0,0.0,0.0645538478206932,0.1422436928870221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520653888491744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781014624938164,0.0,0.0,0.06709216542258244,0.0,0.19362864927877385,0.06522479669291621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337279945929917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552557561071387,0.0,0.0,0.05236323746331481
ptsd,carpetkaiser,2018/01/23,"Can't afford therapy, so what the hell do I do now? Can't afford it at all; basically teetering on the brink of homelessness and death (naturally, I live in the United States). 

I really, REALLY need to talk through what I lived through NOW, especially since it just finally ended, after decades. I'm talking like, serial killer level shit. Real, real, real fucked up, eerie, mind-bending shit here. 

But since I have no insurance, and barely any money, it seems like there's nothing I can do about it. 

What a fate this is, eh. Realistically I should be dead right now, but I survived because of a variety of rare reasons and some luck. 

But it's apparently not enough, because only people with money deserve to live. Even though I have an education, skilled, talented... if you go down here, you're down forever if you don't have a family to help you back up. I sure as hell don't.

Is there any hope I can find something?

Thank you!",4.0846709470304985,5.7879050112359565,5.610144462279294,77.4861797752809,71.92134831460675,9.130658105939006,27.882825040128413,9.606745405546679,2.658131942215088,724,27,137,18,14,245,112,178,0.15,0.7070000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.244,3,0,1,0,0,1,38.0,0,4,0,2,13,12,5,0,7,0,16,3,2,1,2,24,23,11,2,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,6,5,0,0,0,0,15,7,19,21,3,19,2,0,0,1,7,10,5,6,9,91,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624280910969165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052955901790761,0.0,0.16695023944464718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128494926506304,0.14149184097603126,0.0,0.0904451587690348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909139101340786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500070632208188,0.12515733073367225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659543651490998,0.0,0.0,0.07782407572185161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178553984981687,0.0,0.0,0.13600867994741953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380035416718444,0.0,0.36275188171085576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826666368534668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153655838740776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139410804792814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414625448223404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493441382391424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4675905902875632,0.17544984721136792,0.14079336061816453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694288314822475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466169776412192,0.0,0.0,0.2811263631415496,0.22655030519798655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054202819279688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906087655934007,0.0,0.0,0.22012848041604527,0.0,0.12607258065562818,0.1565986348872646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345392553298412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,oiseauuux,2018/01/23,"If you could describe your experience with PTSD in one word, what would it be? Something my therapist brought up kinda off-handedly last session and I’m I guess curious to see what everyone else would say.",3.895263157894739,6.770410368421057,4.572894736842105,79.19776315789477,76.89473684210526,9.06315789473684,33.1842105263158,9.516144504307137,3.8357684210526317,166,9,29,5,4,53,35,38,0.0,0.937,0.063,0.3182,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,8,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,4,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,1,18,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291929492396481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398006417641093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27429681224959035,0.0,0.2807984117845956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31622743229731154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339910878320131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945183494891515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33555616428742385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282805356581189,0.0,0.0,0.2287485538786035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099174945697386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332971819045402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40783641389705627,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thebeautifulransom,2018/01/23,"Advice for night terrors I've been on several medications for ptsd and the night terrors and flashbacks haven't calmed down. Sometimes there's no triggers and I am home alone while my boyfriend is at work, what should I try to help cope? Any legal ideas? I just want to sleep through the night without waking up in fear. ",3.57431693989071,6.157849737704924,2.8831967213114744,92.4994398907104,76.21311475409836,5.3781420765027335,26.560109289617486,6.42735559955562,0.9051945355191252,258,10,50,2,6,75,50,61,0.25,0.67,0.08,-0.9126,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,2,0,5,3,2,1,0,9,6,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,11,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,30,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068513865904344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923678954641107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394975657967585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381990123154468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418847383378275,0.0,0.21233244353737304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389611165117897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324547495974466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5959424259436805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474427602993064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391383100937828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183301663038206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093570748280065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371692256491778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485443323431457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405210476314686,0.0,0.1541056657571745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Rynjob,2018/01/23,"I really need advice(NSFW) Hi, ive just been looking everywhere for some sort, of assistance or advice. 

About 2 days ago on shift at the hotel i work at ( I work overnight hotel security in Canada) i got a call to unlock a bathroom door. Normal call we get, women thought her BF locked as he left for a smoke, so as i unlocked it he had hung himself. So i was taken aback took him down checked for breathing or a pulse nothing. Yell over my radio for front desk to call 911 and then began chest compressions. Did this for about 10 minutes till paramedic arrived, then went on for about 15 minutes before calling it. 

At first on that day it didnt feel real, i was kind of in a trance but after trying to sleep all i could see was that scene playing over and over. But after ignoring it at home i felt ok, so today i came into work. But just getting on the bus to come in made me feel stressed, restless, sick. I feel embarrassed and angry about my feeling and i just dont understand myself atm.

So really looking for some advice.

Ps. Sorry for the long winded post just needed to vent.",3.097431524547801,4.885999520930234,4.161356589147289,86.50208656330751,74.72093023255813,6.638242894056847,24.967700258397933,7.3871296695380915,1.1864832041343671,847,28,166,10,18,275,135,215,0.107,0.8540000000000001,0.039,-0.9473,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,4,12,8,0,3,8,1,10,4,3,1,1,35,32,18,0,4,9,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,7,8,0,2,7,4,2,5,2,4,0,1,16,9,21,4,40,15,3,35,0,0,3,0,13,17,0,5,12,108,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24232113520917065,0.10990872370743177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055054648059705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064263257361842,0.14181032853787326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680550227378843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899508804056446,0.0,0.0,0.15992523166971614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531412676857752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507701556478994,0.0,0.1190488367111358,0.0,0.0,0.1054649381036426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955821854404456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916529046031494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437102696727274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911541219333567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471435769423154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972631964188023,0.2082389823021976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173213430552838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838724717331777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148284631378475,0.11897074217233355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874714103423302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411265705029917,0.15886099344077936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880314078373402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12407849401148535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879547915480078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202892408229664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843337713508406,0.0,0.0,0.11752702759161834,0.0,0.13775628634411954,0.08418035865926803,0.0,0.0,0.12907687035698442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493899946707335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707962983761581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JayWessex,2018/01/23,"Girlfriend has PTSD and I make it worse, please help Hey everyone.

I've come here to prevent the end of our relationship...

Me: 24, Male, never met bio dad, upbringing was mildly traumatic

Her: 24, female, never met bio dad, mom abandoned her and traumatized her whole youth, she was physically hurt in a very very bad way, stepdad just disowned her this last year. 

When she screams, forgets important things, hits me and just goes manic I call her terrible names and say things that just surface more PTSD. 

At first, I thought I could help her and that it was just me being a jackass or something but as the relationship got worse I started abandoning her and now we no longer on talking terms for a grace period. 

We love each other very much and I have been in a few very solid relationships with none of this drama, but for some reason our love is so strong that people constantly are commenting on it and we are such a good team..when things are good. 

When she drinks its bad. 

Do I just give up or is their really a way to cope with this long-term with unelevated stress all the time?

Can she truly feel clarity and kill the poison flower growing inside of her?

Books, treatment, counseling ect.. anything would be of great use to me. 

Honestly, if we can manage this I will marry this girl so it means a lot to me. 
",3.3742132505176023,5.6248249444444465,3.9949482401656335,85.93555900621121,75.34920634920636,7.39848171152519,24.05175983436853,8.321376580360154,1.4931209109730852,1034,33,202,19,23,327,156,252,0.161,0.653,0.187,0.8749,1,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,6,0,1,2,12,18,2,1,11,0,19,4,0,3,3,46,33,19,1,3,10,3,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,2,17,18,1,3,4,3,0,2,4,10,0,1,8,3,32,8,20,19,10,26,0,3,0,2,41,7,0,5,15,138,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206247722526376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18681964049416316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423549932486846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963692388238563,0.0,0.12089566593513802,0.0,0.08932200194438021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959358093305256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908684322824488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690006162221337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656667611931365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515966491688356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731939390434188,0.0,0.1876686105051421,0.08947557341109441,0.12334108808231448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997309151430596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976305033330505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377161225249092,0.0,0.0,0.09119195189745884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900465498233246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511097197034643,0.20194066411844666,0.0,0.0746765264606737,0.0,0.0,0.12186319581475052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102506040597728,0.0,0.0,0.08224000110229374,0.0,0.17256770296093435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755909893631949,0.0,0.0,0.12280366670816255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26154860747998165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166912139715978,0.11502473914270275,0.0,0.3603312801624727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896641243792376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612579723841296,0.0,0.0,0.07918474143407182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815088186838886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991979780354951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297163519206809,0.0,0.0,0.08881517737778212,0.0652344218102617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662290930031568,0.0,0.3692298924902209,0.0,0.1776001835334127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490292891939934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280176028905269,0.07947182728778313,0.0,0.0,0.07204295917877772
ptsd,Bikbikcarrots,2018/01/23,"I just got diagnosed professionally. My brother told me it was probably ptsd for a while now, but finally, last friday I went to see a psychiatrist, explained my Things, and he gave me the diagnosis which included PTSD. 

I think I feel bad about it (no offense), I get sorta... upset with myself because I don’t really want to have all these problems, I’m just 15. We haven’t decided on medications yet, and its just sorta weird to be going through all these processes and all these people looking at me and just seeing whats wrong, and not seeing me. Then you have the constant bombardment of my parents asking me about things he mentioned, and saying that if I ate better, or slept more, I’d be fine. Which is sorta ironic because the psychiatrist told my mom that while those things can be factors, its really not this time. I don’t really blame her though, she called PTSD, PSTD, and most of the time just calls me angsty. I just don’t really know what to feel about the whole diagnosis. ",6.6239249639249635,6.7743470634920655,7.031544011544014,75.25259740259742,65.13756613756614,10.470610870610873,30.40933140933141,10.230975488527342,2.910551322751324,781,25,147,17,11,255,112,189,0.116,0.84,0.043,-0.9322,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,1,12,8,1,1,7,0,12,4,1,0,3,35,33,14,0,3,11,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,18,9,1,0,6,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,8,7,24,2,14,22,6,14,0,0,4,0,18,2,0,6,10,106,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199552315198982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713590381783793,0.1564366940128948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134823242872504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620436145980951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386606504900654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023488275057918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297577054742897,0.0,0.0,0.14056049950517513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703818929400825,0.0,0.07292317256347608,0.0,0.1026235400267394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051740887003771,0.10459213133698647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775051147543012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926173783728614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027850639526052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424762799383064,0.0,0.0,0.08895600207623043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383429979290894,0.12277810704044533,0.4499727070538962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288020928165721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203956051682153,0.0,0.0,0.3067462826737197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255736148499759,0.08221771909544691,0.12606676329886454,0.0,0.1496405564680406,0.0,0.0,0.2452169309347584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568226720685885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894733487583554,0.0,0.14325675976978555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029000271400152,0.0,0.0
ptsd,crazyausachick,2018/01/23,"Ptsd and humidity 
Last year I moved to a state in the USA  that gets very high humidity and heat during the summer and we are already experiencing humidity in January that is triggering my PTSD.

Humidity is a major trigger for me - I didn’t realize this until last year. It makes me feel suffocated, I have panic attacks or at the least various elements of a panic attack. I feel like I can’t breathe. Humidity has become a huge issue for me in being able to manage my PTSD as the suffocation and crushing feeling I feel replicates physical aspects of my trauma. I’m so concerned as we head into warmer months. 

I know I need to leave the area and that’s on my agenda, I just can’t do that before summer comes and goes. I am currently trying to come up with ways to manage my day to day life. Working from home, not venturing outside as much as possible. But even the ride from home to office is enough to send me into a spin for about an hour. At the worst of it last year I was afraid to leave my house because of the heat and humidity. So.... yes, I have to plan for all of this...but...

Any ideas, thoughts, similar experiences???? I am really worried about this. 

It may seem silly to be afraid of weather but the feeling of suffocation and what that reminds me of plus there is the addition of the climate I was in at the time.... and I think my body and mind just panics and I don’t know how to manage it while also trying to make my job not see me physically panic. 

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ptsd,cat_warrior,2018/01/23,"I fucked up another relationship because of my PTSD. I do not know how to apologize, I am scared. I am a lesbian woman. I suffered from trauma when I was a teenager from abuse from my mentally ill brother who is much older than me and he used to have a severe drug issue. 

I was dating a girl for 2 months and the other day I had an extreme case of hyper vigilance. We were going to sleep together but she had to go home because she had a family emergency.

She did not text me for 2 days and I thought she was ignoring me and I sent a rude and creepy text saying "" I could have given you a good time but I guess not"" and then she texted me a day later that she was not was not ignoring me, she had a lot on her plate and she said ""if this is how you react when things don't go your way I'm not sure, I want this to be more platonic"" 

I feel horrible, this is the most lonely I have ever felt, I do not know how to make things better. I hate myself.",1.0999233716475096,2.6620555467980296,3.4566091954023017,90.36736590038315,79.73891625615764,6.875643130815544,20.63738368910783,7.793537801064563,0.6783291735084838,728,19,167,12,18,252,115,203,0.224,0.733,0.042,-0.9884,0,2,1,0,1,0,17.0,1,3,0,1,6,12,3,1,12,0,24,5,1,6,2,38,42,16,0,3,10,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,8,8,0,2,5,0,0,4,8,9,0,0,16,4,38,3,16,24,4,19,0,2,0,2,23,2,1,4,12,126,46,0,0.0,0.18879632245149908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708584609683014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426897784218455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092662390719046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722304189595704,0.0,0.0,0.3082906665116532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478819575336336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441355710327598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021513394543734,0.0,0.08056900258822798,0.0,0.15299501662506346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473107563849335,0.0,0.0,0.2716762256638075,0.13365000211100794,0.0,0.0,0.17553513753926667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731899307140068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983480279361872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631350683609425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751423478705375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13546838302262085,0.0,0.0,0.10636321004612877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058105153589206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271866844551526,0.0,0.1171360121583006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626435101608504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710755862856711,0.0,0.0,0.15157242352768474,0.12671656893640734,0.15953092088432705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001311527087185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594588555297016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017962628865966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21172185328100468,0.0,0.0,0.12650116193730632,0.09291463915232613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762186438317647,0.0,0.0,0.09398508952026073,0.12647967521188436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ash_OC,2018/01/24,"Dealing with driving PTSD, any experience, strength, or hope? About 4-5 years ago I had a moment where I almost blacked out on the freeway, I'm not sure why, may have been a panic attack. Luckily, I was able to pull onto the space between the freeway and an on-ramp. Ever since then, I've been anxious about driving on the freeway, especially if there are no safe spots (places to pull over or get off). I often opted to drive on streets rather than freeways, though I did push myself and got back to about 60-70% I think. I've had multiple panic attacks during those years.

Fast-forward to a couple years ago, I got in an accident that totaled my car. I wasn't hurt, but that even compounded the PTSD I was already experiencing. I went a year without driving, taking the bus instead, as my insurance didn't cover my car and the other driver didn't have insurance.

A year ago, I started driving again, strictly side streets. I am flat out terrified to drive freeways now. Every time I get of them, I start to feel trapped and start having an anxiety attack. I've pushed myself a little, to drive from one on-ramp to the next off-ramp, but I seem to get re-triggered when I make progress and then feel like I'm back to the start.

I am currently in therapy, but it hasn't helped much yet.

Does anyone have any experience, strength, or hope to offer?

Thank you,

- Ash",4.383394441159076,5.547072385767791,5.093522570471123,83.57382613837969,70.46067415730337,7.718430908732508,29.78296865759905,8.032893268588372,1.9697685393258428,1065,42,209,14,19,344,150,267,0.117,0.762,0.12,-0.2271,1,1,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,1,3,19,14,3,2,18,0,19,0,0,1,3,32,40,17,0,4,10,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,4,0,0,14,7,6,0,1,13,4,24,8,32,26,2,56,0,1,1,0,5,17,0,10,26,131,29,0,0.10361319438361426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755405354759845,0.0,0.1037536472802702,0.0,0.11433973650761407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092105045737696,0.0,0.0792638101016805,0.11705341733025147,0.0,0.07244875463978859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536249000933025,0.0,0.15934430164039787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464602883101525,0.0,0.0,0.10682065376940836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067260464209624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843553769106768,0.09372406628730652,0.08729858506862534,0.0,0.0,0.20270717184077047,0.0,0.0,0.1047798886170155,0.07402128677054917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240085276564273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165737873588034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944974012293582,0.0,0.0,0.20582256186034045,0.0,0.0,0.1109200675667169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062017307122847,0.10384764093522393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916261182070264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616761975890095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019380769303563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702109820448842,0.0,0.0,0.2431355177986045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825373518660786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24223655904656416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432556072741248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570990510333287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933518091156277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976542094947688,0.0,0.0779042273553351,0.0,0.0,0.09539310851674107,0.11849071775709275,0.0,0.0,0.06639115124359943,0.101799437408979,0.0,0.0604176868803226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605046924978478,0.0934947919297678,0.0,0.0,0.09987942194034012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336175004551477
ptsd,zenaa21,2018/01/24,"Going back to school Any tips or advice for going back to School with ptsd? I'm in my first week, I quit my full time job to go back and I just don't know how I'm going to do it. I feel like my brain isn't going to absorb any thing. How do I learn when I can't remember any thing?",0.5131818181818204,1.1117954696969718,2.7883030303030303,98.58245454545455,79.15151515151516,5.886060606060608,14.715151515151515,5.6839178017228535,-1.1014448484848485,215,1,59,1,5,74,39,66,0.0,0.951,0.049,0.4329,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,1,2,0,10,14,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,8,1,8,14,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,8,35,11,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690819733817732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529970377985808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.399145949356635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931576305591392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748868055937654,0.12361197932808113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717841134045326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916819487877257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170462140762127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509223419071787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453324793799931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226168603490788,0.0,0.0,0.18403768049025426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960081700716456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35022924809372136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22990560878368704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008946235270304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879345734195211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Bbcod26,2018/01/24,"Is this PTSD or something else entirely? Hey guys.  I’m not a regular poster on here (I don’t even have a PTSD diagnosis) but something happened to me last night that seriously has me concerned.  I think I may have experienced an implicit flashback.  It was the first time it happened this intensely and I don’t really know what to do about it.

Last night I smoked a tiny bit of weed then headed to my friend’s house to pick him up (let’s call him Dave.)  Dave and I headed over to my friend Jesse’s house to pick him up, then us three were going to go to a hookah bar to just chill.  By the time we were at Jesse’s house and we were going to go to the hookah bar, I was still a little high but far from incoherent.  Jesse lives with his friend Christiana who has a son of toddler age named Zach.  I have a six year old step brother so I love playing with kids and I’m very protective of them, so we were all playing with Zach.  

After a bit though, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.  Or maybe it was all in my head.  I don’t know.  But I swear to God I saw my friend Dave (who’s been my best friend for 8 months straight btw for context.  He’s not just some random dude to me.  I considered him family) slap the fuck out of Zach right across his face.  Leading up to this, I saw him fuckin around with Zach flicking his ear and stuff that he didn’t like.  Zach was crying.  That made me uncomfortable but the parents joined in and it was all “fun and games.”  But I swear Dave was doing things to the kid slyly while the parents weren’t looking that was beyond just poking him and flicking his ear.  He called him “little boy” in a mocking manner.  He was slapping him on the face while Zach was crying yelling for his mother with nobody answering him or caring about the fact he was being fucked with.  Or maybe he didn’t.  I don’t know, maybe I’m just crazy.  I honestly don’t know anymore this all feels so confusing when I recall it even though it just happened yesterday.

I confronted Dave before we left and told him I thought he wasn’t treating Zach right.  I called him out on his shit and told him he was wrong.  He proceeds to get in my face, offended that I dare accuse him of abusing a toddler.  I was suddenly filled with rage and began shouting at him to stop lying and that I saw everything and that he wasn’t gonna bullshit me and get away with the shit he did.  By this point, everybody in the house is staring at us wild eyed while I’m making a scene, and Zach’s own mother (Christiana) is confused and oblivious as to what the problem even is or how things escalated so damn quickly.  Zach?  He’s just chillin walking around doing normal toddler things.  Dave?  He’s saying he’s gonna beat my ass over and over if I keep “starting bullshit” like a broken record so I’m scared for my personal safety.  Needless to say I leave as soon as I could and got the fuck out of there.

I was running on autopilot and adrenaline.  I walk to my car.  My mind is blank and I’m seeing red.  My mind is blank but at the same time it won’t stop running....if that makes any sense at all.  This experienced shocked me into a state of sobriety if you know what I’m saying, so I don’t think the weed was a factor (I smoke all the time.  I know what bs weed paranoia feels like.  This was something else entirely I’m sure of it).  I start to cry.  At first, I have no idea why.  But then it dawned on me: I felt like Dave was abusing me.  I thought Dave was the one fucking with me, and I was defending myself and doing what I should have done back when I was fucked with in the past.  I WAS NOT gonna let this shit fly THIS TIME.  NO WAY.  I wasn’t even willing to take the slightest chance.  I would not have been able to sleep that night if I just let those feelings go unaddressed.

Am I losing my fucking marbles or something!?  I could have SWORN that shit happened.  But nobody else noticed.  Or cared.  They were all telling me I was overreacting and it wasn’t a big deal.  Zach was just chilling while all this was happening as far as I know.  They are either 1.) all heartless child abusers (which I doubt is the case) or 2.) it’s a me problem.  I get that some people believe in corporal punishment and some don’t thats not the issue here: I interpreted an event COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY than everybody around me.  They all saw a kid roughing it up with family friends... (Dave knew Jesse, Christiana and them for years.  They are much closer to each other than to me)...but I saw a child being physically abused, crying for help yelling “mama!!” and having nobody there to help him.  So I stepped in to help Zach when nobody else was there.  I didn’t care who was hurting him.  Best friend?  So be it.  I’m beating my best friend’s fucking face in if he lays another FINGER on Zach.

Is this what is known as a flashback?  I can’t believe it if it is one though.  I had a fairly traumatic childhood, but nothing too crazy.  No physical or sexual abuse.  Verbal?  Yeah.  Emotional?  Yeah.  Was I ever threatened at, screamed at, or belittled?  Often.  A lot of negative energy comes to mind when I think of the word ‘ childhood.’  I’m not blaming anybody or trying to make myself the victim: I’m just being honest with how I feel.  My father was on drugs when I was a toddler (bad drugs.  Like injecting cocaine countless times a day bad) that led to me developing irrational phobias of needles (shots) and vomiting that were prominent when I was a kid and the vomiting one still affects me today.  My stepfather was a Marine veteran and a police officer for over 20 years.  Needless to say, he’s seen and been through some shit.  Sometimes he’d take it out on us.  Idk if he developed any disorders (probably) but he would punch holes in the wall, isolate himself in a room that he didn’t even share with my mom, get in my face and scream like he was gonna beat my ass but hit the door or wall as he stormed off instead, shit like that.  I just stuffed that shit all down as a kid.  “At least he doesn’t hit me”

I brought this up to my mom today (I’m 20 years old and go to college commuting from home).  My stepfather no longer lives with us since they divorced when I was 17.  The first words out of her mouth were: “Don’t try to say you were abused.  Unless it happened at a time when me or your father weren’t around, trust me: somebody gets in my kids face there’s gonna be a problem” so clearly my mother is loving and truly doesn’t think I was abused.  She was slightly offended I would even think she of all people would let abuse happen.  I know nothing crazy happened.  I feel like that’s true.  But the feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness, despair, rage, and terror I felt yesterday didn’t just come out of nowhere.  They HAD to have originated somewhere.  They had to.

Sorry this was so long.  I just really need some help with this if anybody is willing",2.190861770072992,4.2417918934306575,3.1921019616788326,91.24023323448908,78.24087591240877,6.325045620437956,23.62283302919708,7.3537328427746225,0.8865552007299269,5314,177,1128,70,128,1696,469,1370,0.197,0.69,0.113,-0.9992,7,0,10,0,11,1,165.0,8,3,9,11,63,78,25,5,61,2,124,41,25,12,18,212,223,105,0,19,52,11,10,8,8,14,4,12,3,11,66,68,2,4,28,6,0,18,34,44,0,8,79,36,159,34,151,116,29,155,0,4,12,12,125,73,18,32,70,735,225,2,0.03569239703737353,0.33831723220266124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04854410785972138,0.03742659037111356,0.0,0.0,0.03539726702788905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270952023634772,0.0,0.0,0.03353418193847557,0.02744525016155429,0.05960332130757332,0.0,0.0,0.030371601009545512,0.08042621784018213,0.11237090593445716,0.0,0.07793370663005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933778407314627,0.0,0.1091723326595029,0.0,0.0,0.06149167925375635,0.03742279921741504,0.0,0.0,0.056994949435125564,0.0,0.15682568863882998,0.02301864333077127,0.0367972940976375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037290958164592033,0.04090657924909229,0.0,0.0,0.03652571430479912,0.0,0.0,0.08278369795452689,0.0,0.11926567110548568,0.040149142601742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414469497210298,0.032285816548598634,0.0,0.0,0.032078024998144605,0.0,0.0672952307696935,0.0,0.10828289027179316,0.05099731115035559,0.06854059694235932,0.0,0.0,0.09107980405956134,0.0,0.0,0.2206068592980464,0.2309793214499981,0.09323902151333274,0.0,0.12170887060771132,0.0,0.02854647047330897,0.0,0.0,0.03534108461766821,0.2525013505935841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989208985141946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569544548284853,0.037710977118564463,0.03580238440865742,0.0,0.0,0.16473693611268556,0.038209449236222465,0.04029237176169558,0.0,0.03725358933114313,0.0,0.03172504245339939,0.0,0.0,0.15692486379934098,0.05818813477246605,0.0,0.03779309488728904,0.038779893815650605,0.14599157681839736,0.0,0.13950001839878234,0.07154631712118678,0.06303408099805599,0.03158664820384219,0.02997262415149443,0.03993066252324059,0.0,0.030344399588978305,0.06442756370089778,0.0337730090828191,0.07147485653535605,0.0,0.10757343062481152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811743874726618,0.08360500806086993,0.028489330789900943,0.0,0.026238018642308358,0.026465460146491784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004846902508711,0.034970970883182274,0.06849563517326257,0.08127206118932898,0.07490633316657465,0.0,0.07255827587706007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926436599918547,0.0,0.03407243165108012,0.04948922802762538,0.031165224373102294,0.0,0.0,0.03374085200258679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03848244081760186,0.10245841080376727,0.08344500421873349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04573092699640275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096222409994573,0.0,0.14192013356018984,0.035734316023417534,0.0,0.028442219328564187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25646412851735434,0.02952511966436927,0.0,0.035718173659653504,0.0,0.0,0.1373887550605907,0.03530069332219149,0.03995471630375445,0.05052652466162469,0.0,0.057007988759590664,0.05968088424597628,0.0,0.0,0.04085925527661797,0.0,0.0,0.03363966180555622,0.0,0.05367248119697328,0.0,0.03119672821674558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113732785093907,0.11435123412861463,0.10520279660706447,0.056671552736474264,0.145687666202023,0.0,0.06766443797797447,0.06821122986656471,0.0,0.04846558935580456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173423578810204,0.0,0.0,0.029449965566044126,0.0,0.02833096342393592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03220683672900671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014194191618028,0.03902403307401207,0.0,0.09193893388345828
ptsd,PBlacks,2018/01/24,"Compulsive behavior from old trauma? Does anyone here have obsessions or compulsions related to trauma? I witnessed some pretty messed-up stuff at home growing up  and I used to have to hear my parents fighting all the time from the other room. I have major, major issues hearing loud voices in adjacent rooms now, but part of that phenomenon is ""checking"" sorts of behavior where if I *think* I hear something, I feel terrified and also compelled to see what's going on.

It's the same kind of unsafe and frightened feeling I got as a kid, and it feels like I go on a kind of autopilot--if it really is fighting it get impossible to distract myself from, because I feel compelled to expose myself to it as a matter of safety. Earplugs and headphones scare me because I feel like it's important to find out what's going on and if any sound leaks through, I'll rip them off and resume checking. I know this makes no sense but it's really just how I feel at the time. I've had arguments with partners about this because they think I'm purposefully trying to upset myself or something. 

Has anyone else experienced this kind of obsessive checking stuff with fear triggers, and do you have any idea how to fix this?",8.000618631732166,7.477661314410483,8.032412663755457,71.46366994177585,62.493449781659386,10.777438136826783,36.55058224163028,10.125756701596842,3.731803202328965,967,40,166,18,12,314,132,229,0.187,0.727,0.087,-0.9811,1,0,2,0,4,0,23.0,0,1,2,0,8,15,2,6,7,0,9,0,0,7,1,41,30,19,0,2,7,1,6,2,1,0,0,6,3,2,17,11,0,0,11,0,3,4,1,10,0,0,2,14,20,5,34,28,6,20,0,0,1,0,11,12,0,6,6,113,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335742201723912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877523325269355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325549489540345,0.11961454863314372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134919732160347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216049273655167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752179813219257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136563978839713,0.3541653543178012,0.16679902732080762,0.0,0.0,0.1066988007511171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099214937397466,0.0,0.19903913339496454,0.0,0.09336812865195324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.394725448897024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710034824234193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178593668369,0.0,0.12184686455964575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647021360193085,0.06415758511024405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406712851756608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792526232636178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249963018163836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962662983234996,0.12641870214346265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876716731271995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495740455607463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687771414275505,0.0,0.0930271500954713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797452468924015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26728013236223075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496053356174161,0.0,0.0,0.13614477462205515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792592097575866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082640303212936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ReasonableEbb,2018/01/24,"Doubting myself and my trauma I'm been starting to doubt what I've been through should be ""enough"" to cause any problems, I start feeling guilty if i think of myself as a trauma/ptsd sufferer.  I don't know how to cope with it, I don't have the money for a therapist and I don't even think my insurance covers it anyway. 

I was hospitalized with chest pain, I had an extremely high heart rate and I was kept in the hospital for observation for three days because they didn't know why I was experiencing such a high heart rate.   It was so horrible to watch my heart rate climbing up on the machine and to hear that horrible beeping that notifies the nurses that the patient's heart is under duress.  

I was alone and afraid, this was the first time I was hospitalized.  I've been to the hospital before, just the E.R but I was never admitted for anything.  I can't stop thinking about the incident, I can't stop thinking about how I was walking to the park the previous day and the next day I was going to the hospital.   

I can't go into public restrooms because I freak out and dissociate with my surroundings.   I can't watch certain shows because they were -on- in the hospital room.   

But I'm doubting myself, I'm doubting that this is real, that it happened and that I could be suffering from it.  

How to cope? how to stop doubting that this is happening? 

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ptsd,taynicolewalker,2018/01/25,"Misdiagnosed? I was just diagnosed with PTSD. 

I thought I was Borderline all along. (or even bipolar) 

I know I’m not a doctor but I explained my fear of abandonment and anger issues as a result of my childhood trauma and that’s what she told me. I explained a situation I was in: someone bumping into me and I become explosively angry. I understand why she’d think that but that’s something that very rarely happens to me. MOST of the time I react very calmly. 

I never have night terrors, flashbacks.. any of the stuff you hear of. Just fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, risky behavior 

I’m sure there’s someone on here like me but I don’t want to waste my time in therapy if she may have potentially misdiagnosed me. 

I’m really not trying to be at know-it-all, I’m aware I do not. But I’m completely lost because I feel like all of the common symptoms.. I have none of them. ",1.3008845577211403,3.942806689655175,3.4328485757121463,83.9252698650675,88.42528735632183,6.7042478760619675,24.231884057971016,7.893859768569023,1.8313986006996503,700,29,133,16,23,237,100,174,0.231,0.6729999999999999,0.096,-0.9824,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,1,5,12,1,3,6,0,11,4,0,2,4,35,28,10,0,2,11,0,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,7,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,6,2,28,4,19,19,4,11,0,3,0,0,10,5,0,4,8,91,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106912547367289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583766196360093,0.17363316873508708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483841068869093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957134287036756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091765353159218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383995352369517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538243313794148,0.07949333877761705,0.11231543197214007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390259487497972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719431587970524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409308192362898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280405051972367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361598948213842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162027905877458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125498451255995,0.0,0.0,0.14753694704725082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837775655879605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071685554056044,0.0,0.0,0.16879158361547508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17671782763007005,0.0,0.0,0.2664179015012163,0.12103287035859492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997517135455054,0.0,0.0,0.14817460222356854,0.16340804308427762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979066198659735,0.0,0.0,0.10073792494538704,0.0,0.12481226524596173,0.18334830146240613,0.0,0.0,0.1502270134444282,0.0,0.10673961982490887,0.0,0.0,0.16366782334416544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25944000022768515,0.09273030968823703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418633531093277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,missjeri,2018/01/25,"11 months after attack, still getting insomnia, should I take sleep medication? So, it's been about 11 months since I was stalked and then attacked outside my student apartment. Stalking lasted about a year and a half (anonymous packages at my door, random numbers texting me, threats made, pics of me taken) and finally boiled down into a physical attack. 

I've definitively made progress - I can keep my composure while passing certain locations, I don't get triggered as often, panic attacks gotten farther apart, etc. However I've noticed that when I'm stressed out about school or life in general, I get severe episodes of insomnia/anxiety. I'll wake up in intervals in the middle of the night and be in physical pain due to anxiety, cold sweats, almost reduced to tears for a while, the works. I won't be able to get a wink of sleep (except maybe at around 5am, I'll drift into sleep for an hour and then I'm back up). 

I've considered sleeping medication or anxiety medication, and I was just wondering what your experiences are with them. I've tried to avoid medication as much as I can but I want to know my options. Any help would be appreciated? 

Thanks! 
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ptsd,-cordyceps,2018/01/25,"I just had a flashback at my job So at work today everything was normal until some crazy guy showed up. To make a long story short he ended up triggering me (sorry I kind of want to be vague, it's hard for me to write about what triggers me /my trauma on a public forum, I hope you understand).

I've been doing well. Or so I thought. But once it happened I immediately started smelling smoke & going back there. I kept trying to snap out of it but I just couldn't. My brain kept repeating ""everyone is going to die"" over and over. The cops showed up to deal with the crazy guy & everyone went back to work... 

My boss started asking me for the designs I've come up with for a project we're working on & it's like I couldn't hear him. He was a thousand miles away, & I was back there. I had to just leave & now I'm lying in bed awake dreading going back. I can't explain why I acted the way I did. I don't know what to say

What do I do? How do you deal with working while having ptsd? I feel like it's so hard to keep going, to keep pretending I'm ok.. Most people don't understand what it's like.",1.0373228043143286,2.792891538135596,2.9436363636363647,93.06461479198772,80.65254237288136,5.81633281972265,20.47303543913713,6.7829847944221076,0.2047864406779661,857,23,196,9,22,287,127,236,0.119,0.8109999999999999,0.07,-0.9013,3,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,0,4,16,9,0,1,9,1,19,1,1,5,0,35,45,10,1,5,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,1,2,10,6,0,4,6,3,0,7,5,2,1,1,11,6,27,7,34,31,2,36,0,0,0,0,15,15,0,4,16,122,37,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5277986936216017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107904406310892,0.0,0.09153381410986057,0.2996546545963581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875830600525606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392284547813206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088139820190495,0.0,0.0,0.101111569272149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628946264024391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861871581142538,0.08755913540931624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04926091019406826,0.06960030227520693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22147505408394955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293175397983486,0.08615243593136439,0.0,0.17454698350483802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980483919373732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676481688938147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667908900885587,0.17319129143419348,0.0,0.10145294536015564,0.05354212657765612,0.0,0.0,0.10315880460111487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279052016085286,0.0,0.0,0.08621788926739167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650318158313744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545562655845928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375424087889457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754209491426005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388438696025785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747611763768905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905909622813743,0.13791556103797664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734441506601739,0.0,0.0,0.09234732636518968,0.0,0.0,0.06614504947456486,0.0,0.0,0.20284532191987145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746367592634805,0.07733127780953693,0.0,0.0,0.0875966026078641,0.0903137730391402,0.08791073572715112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28370568208388064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AllYouNeedIsBeer,2018/01/25,"And Today, out of Nowhere I had an intense flash back seven hours ago and I am still trying to recover.

I’ll fill in my story in the morning . . . I needed to tell someone. Anyone. It’s been a hard day.",-0.8842857142857135,1.2519024761904802,2.030476190476193,92.97285714285721,95.66666666666666,3.752380952380953,18.904761904761905,5.46131890053228,-0.19126666666666686,152,5,32,1,6,53,36,42,0.07200000000000001,0.928,0.0,-0.1586,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,6,2,0,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117899001392261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459397482333749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704608079373382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268385544389312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150834966694188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463859515813772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608054104633537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980220555142373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808942641812742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30742996579866944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33340156231814205,0.0,0.0,0.2388034792390432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ghosted67,2018/01/25,Lost 2009 watched a friend get murdered. I've never left or let go. Im stuck and im about to see someone who can help. I've lost 10 years though. Idk why im posting just saying,-2.3233571428571413,-0.6930920499999971,-0.08642857142856998,105.86,107.0,2.2857142857142865,15.714285714285715,3.1291,-1.4838214285714284,138,4,35,0,7,45,32,40,0.274,0.596,0.13,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,8,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,4,0,5,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,1,2,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505586747490846,0.0,0.1048544540039294,0.0,0.11405915827832515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345211147101652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6503526366159911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805487264733625,0.20522345188753432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43816292860667694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478776579772766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922095993229362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960011028741372,0.0,0.0,0.15992732066209814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004757333345236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718106609013844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109533034571795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292405067854943
ptsd,Chipl95,2018/01/25,"Nightmare explanation? A few weeks ago I was visiting my long distance fiance in England. (I live in Canada) One night, I had a nightmare involving some trauma I experienced that ultimately led to PTSD. I can still remember it in detail, which I will describe:



I was waiting for the bus to the mall, listening to music on my phone, like I usually do. Out of nowhere, a random man comes up to me and asks if he can touch me, which I say no to. Instead of respecting my no, he just grabs me, pulls me closer, and feels me up under my clothes anyways. He's super rough and it scares me.



I woke up after about a minute of that and fidgeted, trying to settle and go back to sleep. I could not settle and fidgeted for a couple of hours, waking my fiance up. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, I lay back down beside him and just cried. He asked me what was wrong, and I said I had a nightmare. After I told him about it, he, in proper British fashion, made me a cup of tea and got me my stuffed elephant for me to hold. (I know, I'm supposed to be an adult, but I can't resist a stuffed friend)


He interpreted the nightmare as feeling unsafe in a place/situation I should have felt safe in. Something similar happened a few months prior when a man harassed me at the bus stop and said he ""Just wanted a young girl to watch movies with."" He said I should be safe out in the open in broad daylight, as well as in my dreams.



Has anyone else had similar nightmares?",4.406785013380912,4.856257057627122,5.4252631578947375,83.82019625334523,69.9491525423729,8.24442462087422,29.085637823371982,8.20500826718156,1.8475423728813565,1132,40,236,15,19,374,161,295,0.064,0.858,0.078,0.7278,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,1,14,11,1,1,19,0,18,3,2,2,0,42,40,18,0,5,6,0,6,1,1,3,0,5,0,4,8,17,1,5,6,2,0,7,4,4,1,1,16,13,41,7,46,18,3,47,0,0,1,0,26,22,0,3,19,164,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525897721901266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880423101408314,0.14478438846259226,0.0,0.0,0.26420350940676673,0.0,0.0,0.32596608323359216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616160766185393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172234855342112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282110336095873,0.15635206945635802,0.15521767632862174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804278046181993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289681543897562,0.0,0.13567563176554112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917243335451757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080307285744139,0.0,0.11301507687187765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495616390767345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915765070883745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765791729827691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903482743036315,0.0,0.12477552200725192,0.12505109793590502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370687004049053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278886166538372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260582721037464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575239939153528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763438119391525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517880161703188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007181228576345,0.0,0.4032422383550482,0.11237196429568144,0.14147165675443227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140774936232958,0.0,0.0,0.10878403149014178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284691461244352,0.11813789251366615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502365194504462,0.0,0.09593729480161894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556282651144134,0.0,0.08334576300907688,0.0,0.113346909172267,0.0,0.12705079450038775,0.13099179965137514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449560049232064,0.0,0.0
ptsd,relike,2018/01/25,"Does anyone on here have experience with Zoloft? My doctor said she thinks she’ll give me a prescription once my neuropsychologist finishes my final report, so I’m just wondering if anyone here has had any experience with the medication. It’s supposed to help with my PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Thanks!",7.411981132075473,9.701339962264154,7.834103773584907,62.495683962264174,64.47169811320754,12.09245283018868,32.117924528301884,11.698219412168324,4.7288905660377365,250,10,38,9,4,82,44,53,0.096,0.799,0.105,0.126,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,1,5,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,24,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567961515268636,0.0,0.17638614442572148,0.0,0.0,0.32244113632600857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859041999817964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599913581524706,0.2017741907352249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45108526126323106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525792037535087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22118466355794697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454684648566072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322759732191651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24555053502452026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695251000069652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932577214450155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21227875110302927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774055368800856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004435804186703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheHouseElf,2018/01/26,"Have you tried CBD oil to help with PTSD symptoms? And if so, what was it like for you? Did it help at all? Would you recommend it?

I have recently ended a toxic familial relationship that was the point of origin for my PTSD. It really is now *post*-traumatic, and I have the opportunity to heal and move on. I've moved to a safe and accepting space and have my life on track to going good places. However, the therapy is going to be a challenge. I have found prescription medication to be useful for getting the most out of therapy in the past, but I don't experience symptoms the way I used to. Besides, the side effects Lexapro had eventually outweighed its benefits as I healed. 

Therefore, I decided to buy a 1oz, 300mg CBD oil (Elixinol) tincture just to try. Can't hurt me, and I think it's worth a shot for the edge it might give me in my daily life and in my work toward getting better. I have known people that used it to help them, and am curious about the experiences and insights of others. ",4.963014447481452,5.736292939086297,6.312893401015232,76.79293244826243,68.84771573604061,10.122452167122221,30.889886762983213,10.214889679676881,3.0913119094103867,787,31,155,20,13,267,118,197,0.0,0.807,0.193,0.9857,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,1,5,4,9,0,0,14,0,19,7,0,6,1,31,29,13,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,0,12,11,0,1,7,0,2,4,2,1,0,0,5,2,19,8,28,20,2,22,0,1,0,0,9,12,0,3,6,108,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607169337361113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624026522344205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25675708559129506,0.1237220085459034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389860317198908,0.0,0.0,0.13713564999532596,0.12589799416986347,0.14917417630949392,0.11007843397020373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263903531983243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049583457456974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853983104454731,0.06411755436115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221115176678866,0.0,0.13922559418846758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27897609096261355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528405450726546,0.09098574479844844,0.0,0.1371185503624834,0.0,0.12406483883223683,0.0,0.1256922683394271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30682660292510683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407612361155731,0.0,0.12958431291182174,0.14090334703638646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728185814725636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001702513498618,0.0,0.0,0.08409371186801262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782075785127263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400493618872619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417272245772374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955447592376344,0.0,0.0,0.09322959517889083,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MoonxxBow,2018/01/26,"Employment with PTSD I was diagnosed with Chronic PTSD, Chronic major depression, and Severe Social Anxiety Disorder and dyscalculia. I have since moved to a different state and am seeking employment. The state I am in when applying asks if I have a disability and lists a few of mine. I never say yes, I always put no, but I am wondering why they'd ask, and if anyone else ever puts yes, and what that meant for them ( employment wise ) 

I can't imagine they'd be able to adjust my work accordingly with PTSD, not counting my other diagnosis' 

* I have never signed up for disability by the way
",5.408310810810812,6.910474189189191,6.8302590090090085,70.80592905405406,68.36936936936937,10.95540540540541,31.893018018018022,10.9516,4.010485585585586,469,20,81,15,8,160,74,111,0.127,0.833,0.039,-0.6504,4,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,3,1,2,2,0,0,5,2,11,3,0,0,3,21,15,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,3,5,1,0,0,2,1,15,1,11,10,2,12,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,3,4,59,18,4,0.15883615729589895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216440696945564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150922557768193,0.0,0.0,0.11106193430590036,0.16274641353830682,0.0,0.0,0.29698073153304777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680534953405654,0.16121535618049276,0.0,0.16594997782143325,0.182039997180422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268722801018318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367639781576044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881769820920886,0.0,0.0,0.2450084728901856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5570129039707817,0.31934841784679824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631288749823952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794396468296762,0.0,0.1313909106827276,0.0,0.0,0.1619134596542169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260767484469231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332492657568746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225103709056033,0.11563461424091764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,JoRhyloo,2018/01/26,"Overcome PTSD & Trauma - The Alternative Treatment, Recovery & Cure **Please be advised, if you believe you have PTSD talk your Doctor first, before trying alternative methods as treatment.**


External Link to YouTube: 

[This method relieves the emotional charge and pain from past trauma.](https://youtu.be/FSDFOhbh-Gg) Many sufferers of PTSD report this method helps them.  It is based on Emotional Freedom Techniques and Hypnotic Metaphors. ",9.080961538461539,13.575309461538467,6.27721153846154,64.52966346153849,69.76923076923077,9.403846153846157,40.43269230769232,9.516144504307137,5.588115384615384,365,21,41,10,8,103,54,65,0.123,0.7140000000000001,0.162,0.25,0,0,3,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,1,5,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,21,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851732259147375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124788753403948,0.2002577267305879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819295200412963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998783602423768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118979027692495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191387142495445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802055128414172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913319203642331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967769689698453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511061363090532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6233231140524578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286468309379347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067717480309675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,rowanbrown,2018/01/26,"I'm starting to feel cold... People look at me and they don't realize all that's going on. At work whenever I have a mini episode and I have to explain what just happened they just kinda of look at me like they didn't peg me for someone to lie about there past. And that's just fucked(excuse the language) . I'm tired of trying to help people understand, the more I tell it the more I just don't care. I've stopped telling it,  and when someone at work says what's wrong. I just look at them and say its been a day. I just can't really go out and do stuff. I keep pushing college back I wanted to be a nurse and now I don't want to do anything but be a hermit and go live in the woods. I'm not really looking for responses I'm just tired of people not listening or believing me, I've had it all my life and I'm just done with it.",0.7038056548586269,2.4058257569060792,2.7093142671433235,94.60171595710108,81.48618784530386,6.026779330516738,21.696782580435492,7.048011613610866,0.4294423789405269,646,20,153,8,17,217,94,181,0.068,0.902,0.031,-0.7161,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,4,2,14,3,0,0,8,0,14,3,0,0,2,34,36,12,0,2,12,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,10,11,0,2,4,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,4,9,18,2,21,30,4,19,0,0,4,0,11,8,0,2,8,100,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367450097547376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621837780592384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563243806785912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083928315611996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908656104409161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413615142445717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984592282880321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23551832693169464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215357710341443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925899283370546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227819941661377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756983630886386,0.0674864756697122,0.0,0.12197698674067288,0.0,0.4639991979986522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318668402210689,0.2872991950712172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698745147251152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197032459318594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340850752353248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777366673900344,0.0,0.0,0.11548822971762833,0.0,0.0,0.15813314829682387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414746336454851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175349806648248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937855594406808,0.0,0.0,0.14380488144842593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162952875145793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011299131386107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103048666587687,0.0,0.0
ptsd,northernstar5,2018/01/26,"PTSD caused by work Hello,
I was attacked at work by one of the clients, unprovoked (it's fully known this client is very aggressive). I had to take off to heal my injury. However, when I got back to work, I mentally changed. Workers Comp referred me to a psychologist, who then diagnosed me with severe PTSD. I was immediately pulled from work and still receiving sessions. 

If this was you, would you go back to that work environment?",3.208569444444444,6.0804881625,4.10166666666667,81.4877777777778,79.875,8.055555555555555,27.63888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.6448472222222223,343,15,63,9,9,110,60,80,0.107,0.893,0.0,-0.8126,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,6,4,2,2,0,2,0,6,2,0,1,0,7,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,5,0,10,0,12,3,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,5,43,15,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211634435395806,0.0,0.2732224546350737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825079678727183,0.1879429980865672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803233430159268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096949436471034,0.0,0.14209265151481176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904166113743794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038847112295425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41535509323966174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070766056366354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188122289847946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357982686139042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658988046216606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6467008076120989,0.0,0.0,0.12620609435119967,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Warhound25,2018/01/26,"How Do I Talk To People About My PTSD Sorry if this is long and boring. 

TL;DR: cliche bullshit 'don't think i have a valid reason for PTSD', scared of talking to people about it because of said cliche bullshit preconceptions. Looking for advice/commiseration. 

I've been seeing a psychiatrist for about six months. My mum made me go see her after I had a meltdown during my final university exams - i've since graduated, and been failing to find a job. 

Because, duh, freaking out in crowded noisy spaces isn't exactly conducive to good grades or looking employable. 

I did that dumb cliche thing of never even considering it was PTSD because I was never some hard operator kicking doors in war zones, or a rape victim or something. 

The way she put it, 'PTSD doesn't care whether you think you have a 'valid' reason to have it or not,'. Took her physically drawing lines on her notebook between the notes and a list of PTSD symptoms for me to give in an believe it. 

But now I'm terrified of telling anyone about it, because of all the horror stories I hear. Of people being just as dismissive about it as I was. I guess i'm just looking for advice, or commiseration.

I've only told three people, my psychiatrist, my partner and my work coach. My psychiatrist is great and was a soldier in the 80s, my partner loves me, and its a fucking miracle my work coach was very understanding - i receive unemployment benefit in the UK, and i had to tell her because i needed a good medical excuse for not having found a job yet.  

I want to talk to other people about it, because it helps, but if they laugh in my face i think my brain is going to melt out my ears and I'm going to wake up three days later picking human flesh out of my teeth (mostly joking). ",6.277089552238808,6.566508014925375,7.004589552238809,74.67673507462688,65.86567164179104,9.088059701492536,32.57089552238806,8.841846274778883,2.7022567164179105,1375,53,249,20,20,456,174,335,0.099,0.83,0.071,-0.7353,5,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,2,1,3,12,17,5,1,17,1,22,11,6,5,4,45,50,21,1,4,14,1,1,0,2,0,2,3,1,3,14,11,0,0,8,3,0,6,7,9,0,3,15,9,37,8,46,34,3,29,0,1,5,3,26,12,2,10,10,170,51,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494359021606683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078104458585306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179376020655071,0.0,0.0,0.0979364218961848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703874569925414,0.0,0.0,0.08862738145064476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606041475678847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741414725951941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522375475863226,0.07944926533548853,0.0,0.0,0.09531044347648256,0.0,0.08036216789680302,0.0,0.08338783971924668,0.14820703522365195,0.14581968313281155,0.0,0.09583679621758852,0.09575936300169402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778690886564531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797250673023193,0.0,0.058265014655887376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252231810805374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692723561674948,0.21898915376597214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845457898931528,0.08225197591191767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756932471657282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938391968957439,0.0,0.0,0.06445491383752515,0.13408618360304378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611153623644836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30131952276192203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080622561746151,0.08738516281422568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787498822427062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268702739009863,0.0,0.08702861191845128,0.0,0.13853836555444202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071906516398197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692028266774024,0.0,0.0973071234169578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034993883052682,0.0,0.2096047344484517,0.15195522149193175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775011797621379,0.16709701404420602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306201591556021,0.09657856320953064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049357393041073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172348345997219,0.05127151424086869,0.06899822622830637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12656708507321107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,leonthemisfit,2018/01/26,"Therapist Delaying PE This is going to be part rant/venting, part advice. I know it's long winded so I understand if people don't manage to get through it. Today was the first time I put this in words and finally explained it to my wife and now I don't know where to go from here.

So, I'm currently in therapy for PTSD as well as other things. Over the last year I've worked through DBT skills group to help me learn new coping skills in preparation for PE. But now that I've completed group and it's time to start PE my therapist thinks I'm not ready. She doesn't think that I've stopped blaming myself and that PE right now will only make things worse for me. I don't know what to do with that information because I don't know how to stop blaming myself.

A little background, I'll put as much as my brain will let me. Seven years ago my only child passed away. His death was in part due to hospital error. I know you're probably thinking ""That sounds like the hospital's fault not yours."" but hear me out. There was a sequence of events that lead to his death, and in this sequence of events there were times I could have done something and didn't. I made several conscious decisions as things unfolded. I saw with my own eyes that the hospital wasn't following protocol. I knew this because they had already explained the protocol and we had to sign releases giving them permission explicitly for this particular treatment. I knew this. But when I saw them breaking that protocol I was too damned scared to say anything. I was too much of a coward to face my fear of confronting the staff to say anything and I __chose__ to stay quiet. Later, I had a second opportunity to speak up and I again chose not to. Then, when things had progressed too far, they believed his heart was beginning to fail and asked us if they should resuscitate, but that it might not do any good. My wife was too scared to answer so __I made the decision to let him go__. I made the decision to let my own child die.

I feel like the hospital metaphorically put a loaded gun to my child's head and I saw it happening and did absolutely nothing to stop it. I may not have pulled the trigger but I saw what was happening and my own cowardice stopped me from doing anything.

How do I not blame myself for this? How do I let go of feeling like I played a part in this when I made actual conscious decisions that lead up to my own child's death? I'm being told that PE is my best hope and chance of getting better but that I can't do it until I'm ready to stop blaming myself. But I have no fucking clue how to do that. So this is where the advice comes in. How have you guys gotten over feeling like it's your fault? What did you do to get you over that hump so you could start healing?

Thanks in advance for reading and any replies with help/advice you guys have.",3.2967861236341425,4.954646544815472,4.082636585924966,87.82365228853061,73.88576449912127,7.548880568503094,25.550584549552994,8.252601668568683,1.4772159089172463,2240,75,467,37,46,716,233,569,0.145,0.77,0.084,-0.9889,1,0,1,1,0,0,46.0,2,7,5,12,27,21,3,3,17,0,53,8,5,13,1,89,104,44,4,6,15,2,3,4,0,5,1,6,0,6,40,21,0,6,25,2,0,14,15,9,1,3,30,14,70,12,67,61,11,71,0,1,5,2,40,20,2,5,39,320,110,8,0.0,0.0,0.06709487692210407,0.0,0.0,0.20155951528042626,0.06094708180376074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587275602457458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351139688315904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973830492160374,0.0,0.06427656227984413,0.0,0.06459750389197595,0.0,0.0,0.08382471342156338,0.0,0.0,0.0774632422744028,0.07215403919065495,0.060808133103398214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675322135082327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059226269440632064,0.07208821800188206,0.0,0.0,0.10979040653841766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07135674453314211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036014703714351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736839195513835,0.10429364936648487,0.14735557042480038,0.0,0.07531764630900406,0.0,0.05848289374318918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356280902405312,0.1077648126226873,0.06595597741725043,0.1563000057114664,0.05766835884032673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361563466987174,0.12159948472594018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056237637264537,0.0,0.07749178373209653,0.0814749027642926,0.09216993757838028,0.0,0.0,0.06828914206629558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892951001875816,0.0560444305653169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812262266908557,0.0,0.13436070988669102,0.06891048523521111,0.0,0.06084593427761805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26023024383583,0.04589443821523138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293809728063118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108554396668253,0.0,0.0,0.06640392326547093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597219320581604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045824188685509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29781948197870217,0.0,0.047665999516413766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412942486709652,0.0,0.08037081379642902,0.2073530329332012,0.0,0.0,0.06877351890168594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587163198998671,0.0,0.10935333263025604,0.13767132430037432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767348120790421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293089096983461,0.0,0.0,0.09733016238372842,0.07328358896139606,0.0,0.2874109289015262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330028623456282,0.07862723488926311,0.15965950619687835,0.18271083601191127,0.13216611584969348,0.0,0.0,0.12027462777827715,0.0,0.06517161807689037,0.06569826565123874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157628904473043,0.08270369458438429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181892378147717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005439541881525,0.0,0.0700671300864229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855181930868354
ptsd,eraumom,2018/01/26,"So upset right now A few years ago my aunt (mothers sister) told me I was a product of my father raping my mother during a turbulent time of their lives. God it hurt. It made sense of why I was chosen for the abuse and sent to stay with strangers and sent to stay with someone she knew was a child molester. She claims it wasn’t true, but it doesn’t really matter once it’s been added into your brain. Not long ago I had my palm read and was telling my adult daughter about it. She knows about my ptsd and abuse but I was explaining the Palm reader told me I had two healthy children (true) and had I had one die very early? I told my daughter that I had never told her before and she interrupted with “it’s the worst kept family secret. Aunt X told us years ago grandma made you have an abortion when you were 14. How dare she tell my children my secrets! It seems to me she’s an emotional abuser. Why else would she tell stories even true ones that at the time can only cause hurt and confusion? I haven’t spoken to her since she told me of the rape story and I don’t think talking to her would do any good. I guess I feel betrayed and beyond anger for the sharing of all this info. Do I talk to my adult son about it as he was also told?  Thank God my husband has known from me since before we were married ",2.5436665548473663,4.03656542804428,3.36538242200604,92.87448087889973,75.53136531365314,5.960483059376049,21.543274069104328,6.351523495107088,0.16596531365313671,1025,25,225,7,22,325,147,271,0.199,0.7120000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9912,0,0,0,0,3,0,19.0,2,3,1,0,10,15,4,2,12,0,25,5,3,4,5,42,45,16,1,2,3,10,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,12,14,0,1,10,1,0,2,6,9,0,3,28,1,46,6,24,15,3,20,0,2,0,2,51,4,0,3,12,144,58,1,0.0,0.31680218502035484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370166915837289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127469976899252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060609305807243635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516807484659127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949502669403296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155781325663252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249958603917427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445403624706774,0.10025569607250708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886743561077305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402085033420975,0.0,0.0450652070150331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475536272273782,0.0,0.0,0.09818325978352346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082424587360425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04898177903618448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870063041491579,0.07887444655259472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866793732796787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874011159538508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491717318000384,0.12078930345675733,0.06778497614772358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418450357342672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915095651411936,0.0,0.057096934342334336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611383226653319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811377255138563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474532820258521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551688020835523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899947001995228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327355187777455,0.2337023532666135,0.08205601742577806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710887870276496,0.0,0.0,0.10394115140103463,0.0,0.0,0.5961515889203897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706396962700375,0.0,0.10720861164585116,0.0,0.0,0.07353897507656898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16084621614908695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662629640931286,0.0,0.0,0.11478952245732875
ptsd,untazed,2018/01/27,"Is it possible for me to have PTSD without recollection of the traumatic event? (Does anyone have PTSD without remembering the event?) I was molested over the course of months a lot by a neighbor who was not much older than I (I was 5 at the time) which makes the situation sad as he was probably getting molested himself and thought it was normal. If it weren't for my brother going through this with me and my mother finding me bleeding out of my butthole, I would probably have convinced myself it wasn't real

I think this event is the ""mastermind"" behind all of my mental turmoil for the majority of my life. I've had depression and anxiety since i can remember which evolved into bipolar disorder around 14. I'm 18 now and at a point that i've lost any motivation i had. I've been having chronic pain and fatigue, cognitive impairment  as well as other symptoms that have gotten my quality of life to shit.

Basically, I am just going down rabbit holes to try and find out if my physical symptoms are being produced in my head or if they are a completely differnet entity. I'm not asking anyone for a diagnosis, just curious if anyone else is diagnosed w/PTSD and cant remember the event.",8.682631157388869,7.476366810572689,9.456419703644377,64.02036844213059,61.51101321585903,13.364677613135765,41.34120945134161,12.40481918309499,5.384783259911895,954,47,163,29,11,327,134,227,0.149,0.81,0.041,-0.9757,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,4,5,11,3,1,13,0,25,12,2,3,1,39,36,15,0,6,11,2,0,0,1,1,10,0,1,0,12,12,0,0,9,0,0,2,7,9,1,0,13,0,22,2,32,21,4,20,0,4,0,0,8,10,1,6,8,125,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787524637018783,0.0,0.08859173711301836,0.0,0.0,0.2429240160287592,0.1186575539077459,0.0,0.10309243234766972,0.10826354447789402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142102376290627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997440606172526,0.1175412680430014,0.0,0.0,0.13272440423836182,0.0,0.1013431418890994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967415598794859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116902809347627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050417223483427,0.0,0.13163112665053586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885098863293345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359526217467893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641659122245913,0.09845463569304208,0.0,0.0,0.07730180919399834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670582150177347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924357285710495,0.0,0.08513118076898796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346588644931632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322639445178653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094746752904654,0.13055454873900715,0.0,0.0,0.2497182177005211,0.0,0.40611517786022455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181327166399195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935589305676271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887381754377685,0.09579642173591693,0.13017147798472453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407348117406634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420419747749296,0.0,0.09193750995908996,0.06752776363149766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862508417216267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412404719550797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326687249043176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226569071251336,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dragonsvomitfire,2018/01/27,"Invisible Heroes This book is amazing! I searched the sub for it and didn't see it mentioned, so my apologies if this has come up before. It addresses ALL TYPES of PTSD, from trauma to disasters to veterans. It is recommended by mental health professionals and the PTSD community. Has anyone else had the opportunity to read it?",4.561920903954801,7.500161830508474,6.045000000000003,69.23721751412431,74.76271186440678,9.357062146892655,30.17231638418079,9.725611199111238,3.6476079096045204,264,12,43,8,6,89,46,59,0.092,0.735,0.173,0.68,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,5,8,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,2,3,8,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,31,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430775657093574,0.2847320344475051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364646615018977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393783771121052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321421624916288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953849985000986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800486348631709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6496791087965933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779660697602529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22144304357804107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Queerious_Orca,2018/01/27,"Ptsd and issues with sense of self and reality My trauma involved being in a situation where my sense of self and reality became skewed and basically reality felt really malleable as well as my sense of self and identity. 

With my ptsd I go through periods where reality feels off and my sense of who I am becomes really in question... These are also usually the times where more flashbacks and hyper focus on my trauma period. 

Does anyone here also go through reality weirdness and feel like they have no sense of self at times? It's really annoying and frustrating",9.813495145631066,8.908277145631068,10.544970873786408,56.15124271844664,59.097087378640786,14.45359223300971,40.017475728155354,13.348371206891418,5.839514174757283,458,20,71,16,5,158,61,103,0.142,0.815,0.044,-0.8748,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,15,9,13,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,11,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,1,3,9,2,16,7,1,15,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,6,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451073001633889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071556838385629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925214344512554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410975805112646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15497520520688846,0.10948154515484868,0.14714364914184053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419055910481232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599527673336674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487001382484662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582811638984268,0.0,0.17167462527980304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29452685461210903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6394910229014844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225897176932375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787221488014257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878278391304052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778979530726032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cannabiscurious,2018/01/27,"Does anyone dissociate and then think it was alcohol (but they were sober)? I just posted in /r/stopdrinking because I think this might help, but PTSD (I think!) is keeping me feeling hungover and it's messing up my ability to quit alcohol. 

This is hard to describe, but I've been trying to quit alcohol since this summer, and I have had it way more under control for the past 4-5 months. But if I'm stressed, triggered, or I have nightmares I'll 'check out' and then wake up the next morning thinking that I was drunk the whole afternoon/evening before, and hating myself. This is even if I don't drink.   

The drinking hate is usually associated with not cleaning up after myself, so waking up to a messy kitchen/house (I have 3 kids, it adds up quickly!).  

The checking out hate is completely driving me crazy (for back of a letter term). I'll wake up in my bed most mornings, even if I've been sober from alcohol for a week or more asking a series of questions like this- wait, where I am? how did I get here? Oh... this is my house... I bought it 4 years ago. Do I have the kids? Was that a dream? think some more... yes, kids, they're real. What did I do last night? I didn't do what I should have done. I drank. I'm bad, I need to get my shit together. 

Then I'll get up and come out to the main part of the house and remember that I didn't drink. I did everything I was supposed to do. Everything is fine. And i am ready to go on with the day and everything is fine. 

I think that morning confusion is impacting my mental status more than I realized though, since it's really similar to having regrets caused by drinking. Since I have that feeling of guilt every morning, I'm numb to other feelings of guilt that should motivate me to get things done (being late with work assignments and inconveniencing people, not paying bills on time and so getting a fee - that fee would be much better if it was contributed to something for my kids or my savings account).

I've tried EMDR but couldn't actually complete it because I would check out (this is what the therapist said), so instead I learned to feel my feelings and feel them in my body until they left (they would go up and out- I could feel them).  This worked really well for intrusive thoughts - instead of having them 99% of the day I'm down to maybe 5% of the day or less, and that's usually with a trigger.  I'm not living in fight or flight any more, and that's really nice. 

I'll still have nightmares that will tip me over into fight or flight the next day if I don't smoke weed before bed so I am doing that. I kinda wonder if this contributes. But I don't use a ton (an 8th lasts me 6 mo) and I stop when I go out of town because I don't cross state lines with it or smoke in other people's houses.  The nightmares come back, but I don't really disassociate from this I don't think. 

Is anyone else like this? Is there anything that helps to stop checking out? ",3.4670222634508363,4.7246056156462615,4.492226345083491,86.65764378478666,72.77551020408163,7.658379715522572,26.118738404452692,8.150884317080207,1.4799102040816332,2274,75,477,34,44,741,251,588,0.102,0.809,0.08800000000000001,-0.9247,0,0,12,0,2,0,90.0,0,0,6,7,20,22,6,4,23,1,62,16,5,7,0,103,104,47,0,15,24,0,8,2,0,7,5,1,3,4,38,32,10,5,21,6,10,7,12,14,1,0,20,9,58,8,66,73,14,71,0,1,0,0,18,29,1,20,34,322,96,6,0.0,0.0,0.06343941323087914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762656234176936,0.2778994321927515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044208354056262535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909116185454436,0.06660941014444195,0.05349687368596042,0.0,0.060774646032445485,0.0,0.0,0.0999758273288949,0.05427980546905247,0.11888666194032455,0.0,0.1106357537409472,0.0,0.0,0.057495183845756526,0.0,0.07221035161473237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678215780822608,0.0,0.11199900658674074,0.1363214141135854,0.0,0.07291312924853556,0.051904402308265485,0.0,0.0,0.1677017259770736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056889820168260975,0.13305356973996474,0.0,0.2547363109346657,0.0,0.0,0.054306683627034655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881350815047274,0.0,0.0547728922655432,0.0,0.1752777112280942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300935509099451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982261521139225,0.0,0.11083835054012726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823530125759386,0.19254880685340767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714833420572039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30004666349450976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778299246049382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059820347848685,0.07333299155940752,0.0,0.07063247638706888,0.0,0.0,0.0635202342377943,0.0,0.05740414425630735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653102853986031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551378883724147,0.06896428320499136,0.0,0.0,0.051889569215090775,0.0,0.047789100223074615,0.048203355010621035,0.0,0.0,0.13827563304390375,0.06100654929713618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039841956707163,0.06205845316352265,0.0901381201994112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062260658616431576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599205039235969,0.0,0.07282496592006601,0.1382901622553931,0.0,0.07399448231988569,0.16658573829970644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364253225313269,0.0,0.06183845262915195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673081154500438,0.161328367279643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050047109689349514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051916277015578535,0.10870088162959528,0.07446759794745454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548046776821066,0.04318909564800324,0.2915860274384424,0.06387101937003611,0.05160989003097908,0.03790727480666305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882736969841239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614690946628705,0.14319647375175729,0.0,0.0,0.05160112388591629,0.052146304182588164,0.0,0.058450904616971576,0.0,0.0,0.07258023477966928,0.0,0.0,0.07049949506057783,0.09465466278990722,0.0,0.0,0.13854160025275644,0.0,0.0,0.04186366914415639
ptsd,PTSDPrincess,2018/01/27,"Does anyone else get physically sick (colds, strep, etc.) after a bad bout of PTSD? It seems like I'm stuck in this endless cycle where I'm stressed out by something, which flares my PTSD and leads to flashbacks, panic, etc. Then when it resolves, without fail, I get physically sick for a few days (usually cold symptoms or something). Then once I'm better, I'm so behind on things from being symptomatic/sick that I get stressed out again, and the whole cycle starts over. I'm in law school and I feel like I'm treading water trying to stay afloat. 

Does anyone else get sick like this after episodes? Does anything help?",4.8358974358974365,6.59852352991453,4.406495726495726,86.6246153846154,70.1111111111111,6.567521367521367,26.67521367521368,6.937597516519254,1.1625316239316232,491,16,92,4,9,148,76,117,0.183,0.6829999999999999,0.134,-0.8121,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,4,4,10,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,1,0,12,15,8,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,3,4,5,16,13,4,18,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,2,12,45,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875893016231549,0.27488703711242857,0.11038678371736473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200230468991668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863699664448354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650998123334375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35216362239210663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22411553150322014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299205808668037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782582470721697,0.09583050502091496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28033297655039463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991202341810982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966038538899864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428560074663349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738580397410906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31360778501349884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575806285261932,0.0,0.1221171167816738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20653690925521492,0.0,0.0,0.09494583667361543,0.14297667851314108,0.0,0.0,0.30731659860470073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942407573279958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911745737201618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107307423345684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477375880870668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976386705904882,0.0,0.12930733662344351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Jpurc111111,2018/01/28,My EX old best friend added me on social media- triggered all night Venting- so weird... My ex whom I haven’t seen in 7 years- (extremely physical and emotionally abusive)... His old best friend requested to add me on instagram. He was the nicest guy and one of the coolest guys I’ve met. But I had no idea I would start being triggered- but the memories are flooding back... not so much the memories as it is the exact feelings and fears. More so in this sense of feeling helpless (like I’m back there again)... like I need help but no one can see me or hear me and there is no one that can help me. He would never get into trouble bc he had an in or something in my city with everyone.  Just the same lost feeling I remember having when I was in that relationship and so broken and lost. But worse- when I couldn’t get away bc he’d stalk me... I also feel so heightened like he is now going to find out where I am or where I Iive. He use to stalk me and put magnets in the door of my old aprtement building so he could get into main door.. He would threaten my boyfriends or guy friends and he knocked out all 4 of a guys car windows. Hes pulled knives in me- held guns to my head- stupid stuff like that. He’s do weird things like to let me know he’s watching me. Take my bike out of my car (when it was locked) and put it outside my apartment door- when the building was a locked building too. I use to put 10 knives into the trim of my door to keep secure-  and It’s so stupid! It’s so long ago... but it feels like it’s now again... he actually tried emailing me to apologize 2 years ago.. and it was sincere but I already forgave him he had issues clearly .... But Its frustrating knowing the damage and that still effects me today and has effected me getting close to anyone... anyways.. I just need to vent,1.464697868600311,3.5886312113821184,2.6577250421152883,93.77096901779831,81.05962059620595,5.615205449351791,23.523108474327987,6.766488616294105,0.6159499157694288,1403,50,307,15,37,449,184,369,0.127,0.728,0.145,0.3274,0,0,1,1,0,0,61.0,0,0,0,6,28,24,3,1,13,0,28,1,1,6,5,67,55,38,0,7,14,2,5,6,3,3,0,1,5,4,17,22,0,3,12,1,0,7,7,11,0,3,13,9,40,13,34,34,8,50,0,4,3,0,35,20,0,4,29,198,57,0,0.0,0.10647402437065216,0.0876942013375639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931784684070824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916704595165468,0.07186412669212207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283492685874469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443009022557367,0.13819958105164426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861323339037867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174901018963717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108478979936608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586880548625672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011218688001238,0.2271894344579169,0.0641987866229414,0.0,0.0,0.08213397466845059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828587382592495,0.0,0.18780071065059056,0.0,0.05107172409689656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559175492533281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222628499138286,0.0,0.10128314405433632,0.0,0.1204677530395223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014454024697452,0.0,0.09379456204494684,0.0,0.07987516145957994,0.0,0.0,0.0987736962953368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189192407888057,0.0,0.2634177679096337,0.0,0.0,0.07952672179887038,0.0,0.0,0.19619412011337686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606030483685874,0.13326588327869035,0.06930857800218257,0.0,0.0,0.08433118064164255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28289113236714364,0.0,0.18268230876040667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710141139257109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648019573094983,0.10179827841268273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160989191661178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160492709227493,0.0,0.0691816189643553,0.0,0.0,0.06360612946802023,0.0,0.07176542495328174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028726633583543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756646752863746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970158071228453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518046770940288,0.0,0.0,0.06101168786007066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522710985043944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157898925841512,0.1915102042633624,0.0,0.0,0.11573880790151618
ptsd,horsecookies,2018/01/28,"So my downstairs neighbors (apartments) got their 3 year old a drum set My kids dad went to say keep it down and they came back with that we are ""running"" down the hallway at 1 AM. Funny we've lived here for years and had several different people in that unit below and no one has ever said anything to us about too much noise. These people have been there over 6 months and this is the first we've heard about us making too much noise and it wasn't until we complained about the drums. This is just random banging that is very very loud and it's all hours from early in the morning till well after midnight. The kid drum set is set up right under my daughter's bedroom and her bedtime is at 10 pm. I can't take the banging noises it's a HUGE trigger for me. sends me right into fight or flight. Moving in about 5 months by that time I will have the money to move before that is not an option",3.1878959627329237,4.4767668423913065,3.6444099378881987,92.34282608695652,73.51086956521739,5.691925465838509,22.38198757763975,5.288315135182226,0.06536614906832305,705,17,150,2,14,220,124,184,0.027000000000000003,0.915,0.058,0.6695,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,4,0,2,1,13,3,1,0,10,0,16,0,0,2,2,22,24,11,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,2,12,12,0,1,0,3,1,6,4,2,1,2,8,4,14,1,27,15,3,39,0,0,0,0,18,16,0,3,14,103,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289214790465292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046527806281987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330989294290033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918237458455888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636809873505687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171194815561713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332586860186088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529885801866164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428290809503428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392505456575181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833756388021734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457472502950828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25009611027241674,0.33301899630100223,0.23033276745210945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439296782614227,0.0,0.10615987378310254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722278282649699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26758113824064345,0.14902375084006514,0.12458584455527942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769862156566396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779215590412186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135229029244718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768960447680607,0.0,0.0,0.25852912762468777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086013921230686,0.14522949822645145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20177351581558295
ptsd,duncancatnip,2018/01/28,I don't want to sleep I've recently had a concussion and ever since I don't want to sleep ever. Since then my prazosin quit helping the nightmares. I just feel like sleeping is a waste of time. And it's pointless and painful if I am just gonna wake up every 3 hours from nightmares. I've been staying up 36 hours at a time multiple times in a row and I think I might be getting an issue... Atm I've been up for 39 hours and I still don't want to sleep and now it's starting to worry me....,1.2855659397715442,2.6472119906542058,3.0522741433021814,94.35469366562826,78.62616822429906,5.877050882658359,24.038421599169265,6.42735559955562,0.4806726895119415,381,13,90,3,9,127,65,107,0.129,0.821,0.049,-0.6774,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,6,0,10,6,5,0,2,17,18,8,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,9,1,12,12,0,19,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,14,53,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25961434065342776,0.12090792418829265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255970311205495,0.10251895975333426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497467829849674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618739991123176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239662496404478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978041544372972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010858243902943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522345813878913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269788744564028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15263368212235429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169243626185762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374152272977432,0.0,0.5744287179503328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157254630521506,0.1529556830255153,0.11460211476703032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195127590011226,0.0,0.0,0.2510342097486097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539263230328149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573481368847765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Burritobabyy,2018/01/29,"EMDR I’m starting EMDR this week with my therapist that I’ve been seeing since I was 14. I’ve done a lot of reading on it recently and I really think it will really help me, but I’m just curious if anyone here has done it and what their experience was like. Thank you! ",0.8378947368421059,2.953664982456143,3.8483333333333327,84.3925,83.3859649122807,8.010526315789475,20.026315789473685,8.841846274778883,1.5339263157894742,212,6,45,6,6,76,43,57,0.0,0.797,0.203,0.8943,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,13,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,2,3,7,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,4,30,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762855392396424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160048993659594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466180631631445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898820343422394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317126154387648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143402142059398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521844694353277,0.0,0.32302424239777794,0.0,0.248934374629183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090400422986368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085531616718996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844917457170514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321147638524611,0.0,0.29272639021223,0.0,0.16154590863444454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202232442877186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,brokenpa,2018/01/29,"Construction next door is making me panic. I have PTSD (diagnosed), panic disorder, and GAD.

My panic is triggered by loud noises due to watching a murder, and also from aggressive men due to another incident.

I moved out of my previous apartment to get away from a man below who had a long criminal history of assault and breaking and entering. I don't have money to move again.

I moved in here with my young child in November. When I was shown this duplex, I was told nothing about the condo across the road. It is now being torn and gutted in the middle of winter to make new condos.

Cue cement trucks, excavators, drilling and all. This is a dead-end road so the contractor has piled up all this equipment at the end of the road. The contractor is the main problem. I am alone in here with my child most days and he works 7 days a week. He will slam his fist against my door until I answer. He demands I move my car so he can pour concrete or gravel on the other side (public street).

I don't have to do this, but I have all these men staring and usually a truck inches away from my car so I move it. He gives me no warning. Last time I was in a robe at 8am. I have to move it out of sight which causes me to panic because I don't know if it is being towed (parking lot). I don't have anywhere else to put the car.

He has no ordinance to have all this equipment on the street. I know this for a fact. He has pounded on my door 3 times now to make me move my car off the street. One time I was in the shower. My anxiety tells me he is always going to be pounding on my door and I am always on ""alert"".

I don't like arguing or confrontation. I just want to be left alone.

He also starts working at 7am which is before the ordinance here. So, on Sunday at 7, he was outside with his group of 6 guys and a jackhammer on the front walkway across the road. This is about 50 feet from my residence.

I just can't take the noise. He works from 7am to 8pm. So, until 8pm I am checking out the window to see if he has crushed my car on the street with any of his equipment.

I have tried headphones, but my anxiety is so bad that I now am getting up to see if the pounding is due to construction or if he is pounding on my outside door again. I really can't tell the difference anymore and I feel like I am going crazy.

My daughter also isn't helping because she comes in and yells at me that I ""should have never moved here"" and she ""hates it"".

Well I do too. Any help? I wish I had the guts to tell him to go to Hell next time he knocks, but I have a feeling he would just crush my car with his equipment. Thanks.",2.1018323084593646,3.4360150877513718,3.754935599135784,90.28398059664283,76.3674588665448,6.874006980222702,23.766370284194775,7.520522993642371,0.9092855575868372,2011,62,449,26,44,672,226,547,0.145,0.8190000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.9944,2,2,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,0,3,26,17,7,4,32,0,56,4,3,5,6,58,79,35,1,9,13,1,2,2,0,3,1,2,10,6,19,22,0,0,5,0,2,21,11,13,1,1,8,9,63,4,76,64,7,97,1,0,5,0,40,45,1,9,32,304,82,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059291056134466,0.0,0.17441722561323522,0.12098634450384045,0.0,0.0,0.09887853613793864,0.07623348397345991,0.11123234585794196,0.0,0.07209999526853969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661022797005615,0.0,0.060702414975701675,0.0886358800271448,0.0,0.06186331524862915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468409698997583,0.0,0.06262559450927746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377244146725787,0.0,0.0,0.07379012651519021,0.0,0.07595721740630491,0.08332180470283007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073247346772311,0.0,0.12878326198173234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351976138071997,0.05193770877497262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596668979735598,0.06974155786287027,0.12395319938176895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198555842492951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177732415514876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746008302135356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990929023231047,0.059261132200891076,0.0,0.0,0.07899000107606963,0.0,0.0,0.07103620922618742,0.0,0.0,0.06433822092117218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061807909211415935,0.0,0.0,0.1455857259815702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6181584486239181,0.0,0.0,0.0560716008703889,0.07021521381516509,0.15463697383448666,0.0,0.0,0.06975870436574727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049264173825506866,0.0,0.0,0.3411964927175611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956517225236059,0.08498374188908042,0.07308472565404546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657421175296882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586679148989322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145824091685738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466220933530835,0.0,0.1906320017629406,0.06693344179005954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957047697777536,0.0,0.0,0.06946905458500137,0.0,0.04935930167274394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007003431222946,0.0,0.04288101585537542,0.0,0.058316469054875024,0.0,0.06536705570522935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360272281987224,0.0,0.0,0.15878188684742048,0.0,0.0,0.05164480379193348,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,paperclip1213,2018/01/29,"Unexpectedly diagnosed with PTSD. It makes sense, but I just didn't see it coming. I knew I had BPD since 2013 (technically, since 2009 when I was a 14/15 year old getting too ahead of myself) and I was officially diagnosed with that in 2015. It has always been a part of me, I expected it and accepted it with open arms.

I opened a letter yesterday which was from a psychiatrist who I met with back in November. It stated official diagnosis BPD and PTSD. That completely threw me. I don't know why I'm finding it so difficult to cope. I'm crying frequently for some reason and I don't know why. I haven't done the whole uncontrollable crying thing since my last episode which was all the way back in November 2016. (I spent 2017 learning to shut down my emotions so crying had become a thing of the past.)

I should have seen this coming. I've been sexually assaulted at various ages by 4 different people, the first one starting at age 9. I don't know why I haven't seen this all along. Things seem even clearer now that I have this diagnosis with BPD.",3.697464306110792,5.5623609223300985,5.0028726442033165,80.7773358081097,73.27184466019419,9.118903483723589,26.19531696173615,9.627879704456738,2.4084006853226727,834,29,166,22,17,277,119,206,0.126,0.861,0.013,-0.9751,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,1,1,9,0,19,3,1,2,2,31,37,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,19,14,0,0,9,0,1,3,6,3,0,2,16,3,21,1,21,20,6,29,0,0,3,0,3,9,0,2,15,111,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334256549328902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251865644450634,0.0,0.0,0.12389375614488472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238595266868027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19326589892474472,0.1176183675385989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36967267023477945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277202355438911,0.0,0.11720399636028266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147988653855828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618715621608967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409368828365523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253028880712103,0.09542006560389196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586093062551616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495322395978947,0.09144149509356482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488087584347937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771381096012368,0.0,0.0760159237910388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147977250114435,0.10708829570946644,0.07777133636553288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26226432497576474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115339499825413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939276260883569,0.10212426072061237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783888257099309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940142737015643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358178831774486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904308973147065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036744155059189,0.1252447208806087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224010190811221
ptsd,slimeygoth,2018/01/29,My 2 years is in 3 days It’s always so hard to deal with. I have morning classes on Thursday too. I found out that the same show is happening but in march this time. I was invited to it. Everything is strange right now. ,-0.19014492753623105,2.0698696956521734,1.7652173913043503,96.06202898550728,91.17391304347824,5.67536231884058,22.88405797101449,7.1686216300943375,0.8701275362318848,170,7,39,3,6,56,39,46,0.087,0.913,0.0,-0.3885,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,7,5,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090367947994507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23952401298181705,0.3828998704435351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337927942006648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072238851532814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284301767290423,0.0,0.33270386391445644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171758723329283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165678982728597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391711587493677
ptsd,onsometrippyshit,2018/01/29,"ayahuasca for CPTSD? Growing up being pinballed in California group home systems, a neglectful mentally ill father, a stepmother with PTSD and a mother who abandoned me, addiction, various institutions, etc etc, I have severe CPTSD. I'm having a hard time functioning. 

I was wondering what were various redditor's experience with ayahuasca and how it helped with their CPTSD.
I'm in Amsterdam now -- I actually came here with that specific reason -- and before I plunge in, any thoughts, tips, suggestions? I've lurked on a couple posts, but would always like fresh information

cheers
peace

",9.613809523809524,10.947006163265307,9.20244897959184,58.177074829932,58.795918367346935,13.472108843537415,40.82312925170068,12.745084868956482,6.1866476190476165,476,24,66,17,6,153,75,98,0.087,0.75,0.16399999999999998,0.8981,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,6,2,0,2,0,17,11,5,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,4,8,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,1,6,2,10,5,4,11,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,1,3,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.2023207433594812,0.2260164725341315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251224512546087,0.0,0.0,0.14098912016746945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764195694681297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371262678458894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940281360545345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.462447672865613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280508637075784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572380859387785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896657346808114,0.0,0.20796537006141644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128924870874643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089363344141872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856146347828946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24235356762899085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21316615802637495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23421991630667496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459407147678726,0.1208937413986532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483673036530244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727878733335156,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Suckitadmins,2018/01/29,"Lately my dreams have been strange, sleep schedule is nonexistent. Lately my dreams have felt like i'm in them for days at a time, often my dreams will seem to pick up where they last left off. I was a first responder and lost my girlfriend in a car crash fairly recently. I see her in my dreams and its causing me to sleep for 14 hours a day during the daytime when I can actually fall asleep. Most times I wake up from nightmares though. 

I just needed to vent. Feel free to talk about whatever I guess. ",4.411557142857141,5.471094870000003,4.3774285714285694,89.12300000000002,70.3,7.7142857142857135,25.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.1609714285714283,397,11,84,5,7,122,73,100,0.066,0.774,0.161,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,6,3,0,0,5,0,7,4,4,2,0,12,15,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,4,1,2,0,1,0,1,4,3,15,3,15,10,1,23,0,1,1,0,6,9,0,4,13,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.19106331953772812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113081295842344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525373961197821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899757760342373,0.0,0.18798961814986945,0.0,0.0,0.16653932948887726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568534848922485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281423848163293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959541825887832,0.4417205041913164,0.0,0.2127269897117326,0.0,0.0,0.09565336589036773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21372849795593374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517620123103409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331953347423445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601970771886214,0.17824035015402848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918638661951434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736901603277506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236320706001772,0.0,0.2283340715284092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,_eucatastrophe_,2018/01/29,Remembering More and I don’t know what to do with myself I’m in the middle of some really intense therapy and periodically I remember another piece of it. What do I do with the memories that surface and how do I know if they’re real? Please tell me I’m not alone. ,1.1369696969696967,3.421832909090913,4.7195454545454565,77.55265151515152,83.54545454545455,8.757575757575756,23.71212121212121,9.2995712137729,2.450393939393939,210,8,43,7,6,78,38,55,0.0,0.887,0.113,0.5622,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,14,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,6,9,3,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819236555565717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854320618081988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991949505623907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988007985735451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30983038699047805,0.1743823395552755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6167133967721529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379203226444153,0.0,0.31129165122503705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Snorumobiru,2018/01/30,"Is anyone else here dealing with hyperacusis? **Background:**

I really need your help. I don't know how to fix this, doctors don't know how to fix it, I'm so frustrated I could cry.

I got my ptsd diagnosis years ago and since that time I've made huge strides in therapy. I no longer have insomnia, depression, or suicidal feelings, and I feel confident and in charge of my nightmares. There's one symptom I can't shake.

**The Problem:**

I still have hyperacusis. When I hear any loud deep noise (car stereos, loud engines, fireworks, et cetera) my fight or flight reflex kicks into overdrive, usually for at least 3 days I'm constantly in hyperarousal. I've learned not to panic when it happens. I wear earplugs as much as I can. I know the sound can't actually hurt me, but I can't stop it from making me miserable.

If the sound is reoccurring, especially if I can hear it from inside my house, I start to ruminate on it. My intrusive thoughts are all about the source. I catch myself halfway to the window trying to see what it is. I lose my appetite. Food tastes like ash, I puke every morning.

Meditation helps a little. SSRIs don't help. Benzos don't help. Cigarettes used to help but they don't anymore. Alcohol helps, but then it comes back worse the next day. In the months that it's not happening, I'm well-adjusted. I thrive. But then my luck changes, someone starts listening to music next door or revving an old engine in their yard, and all my progress collapses.

A couple of years ago I tried to kill myself to make it stop. it wasn't an impulse decision, I planned it and weighed my options for months. I got caught and got committed. They gave me drugs that made me a zombie. Those drugs didn't help, but I decided to live because I saw how much my loved ones were hurting from the thought of me killing myself.

I recovered slowly, over a year. I got a new job, moved to a new place. I thrived for months. I have a life here. It's fulfilling. And then, a week ago, my luck changed. A new noise trigger at home is kicking my ass. I don't want to lose everything again.

**My question:**

Have any of you dealt with this symptom? Has anyone here beat it? What worked for you? Is there hope for me, or am I doomed to repeat this torture over and over until I die? How can I have the confidence to keep rebuilding my life when all it takes is one loud neighbor to destroy me?

Please help me.

**tl:dr** 

Has anyone here beat a crippling anxiety/arousal response to loud noises? What do I do? Thank you.",1.0014623203003374,3.5925736891615543,2.2899557427586004,91.64419283948357,90.22699386503064,5.782388670146202,23.249427708085342,7.258068376089391,1.130954619540335,1950,78,399,35,67,623,251,489,0.152,0.7,0.147,-0.8599,1,0,4,0,1,2,94.0,0,4,3,7,18,22,6,3,21,0,33,15,2,10,4,61,71,33,4,7,13,0,2,1,1,0,9,9,5,0,24,12,4,3,11,2,0,6,14,16,0,3,14,14,65,6,47,56,7,58,1,7,2,2,24,16,1,11,37,242,89,4,0.0,0.0,0.07115955197558094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939179517570247,0.07792946877178457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917641125628372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231719907699145,0.15296240260431154,0.07471531563487192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05607109775133723,0.0,0.04445144938923645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427970927889476,0.06281425634737199,0.0,0.07880078170189005,0.0,0.058220809835906114,0.08068476403873782,0.08009936569922871,0.09405493429320946,0.07517747742097784,0.06280602225725923,0.0,0.07567960780835042,0.0,0.0,0.07463686806665808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912845730689371,0.0,0.06091543221112875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143837522326975,0.0,0.06553593298487695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374124228524541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817534032229835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23328363588490916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896610368039474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437262769157707,0.0,0.3910147399962841,0.0,0.0731448605529888,0.07242616690207353,0.0,0.08414006789569628,0.15612506721838199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723620016198697,0.06481478383686701,0.16135069396503066,0.0,0.12022502973074314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301132331831124,0.035625104170614035,0.07308515166441909,0.0643898324209617,0.0,0.0,0.16315800136175426,0.0,0.0,0.06581328646830886,0.1379976267290329,0.09734953878396443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461251497300082,0.07750258412597655,0.10720940777979507,0.054069370625988884,0.0,0.2112802189567047,0.15510282323599084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651743570296865,0.0,0.14823775172106954,0.0,0.0,0.08555608983165082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618604123408185,0.0800444321771917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977473981602737,0.08523975844395032,0.0,0.08168726164992987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046714518227757136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058107922166834386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060320305374364384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061785010309755535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032265214075522,0.0,0.05823412961314243,0.12192902869327915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976281365044925,0.0,0.0,0.15158392239814228,0.054826881191413115,0.0,0.0,0.06713508117180203,0.08339055177483243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157809148942716,0.04252032852259071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901599666058887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629796008341662,0.08031124814769093,0.0,0.04301019644573991,0.0,0.05849214949877798,0.0,0.06556397629299877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053086740982425606,0.0,0.07431186722278653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087456623426453
ptsd,RoseGalactose,2018/01/30,"PTSD and feelings of mourning Hi, I’m diagnosed with ptsd caused by a violent rape little over a year ago. Consequently, me and my life has changed. Ever since, I experience feelings of deep mourning every now and then. Like someone (me) has passed away and is no longer here.  It took me quit long to define this feeling as mourning, before I would define it like extreme mental pain - like my soul is ripped apart. 

Does anyone else recognize this?",5.736747967479673,7.418020073170737,5.569268292682928,79.47552845528456,67.78048780487805,7.90569105691057,30.739837398373986,8.344100000000001,2.3717739837398373,354,14,61,5,6,110,61,82,0.233,0.674,0.093,-0.94,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,2,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,1,11,10,6,3,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,1,3,7,3,8,8,0,13,1,3,0,1,1,5,0,0,9,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615156645918822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740349147851115,0.18669278038393008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711896363747705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504488353056464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717695734311274,0.19275102860341847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849364445677168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945072445054007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522107122368437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648168190044835,0.15351740128833696,0.0,0.0,0.17823357743450685,0.0,0.0,0.2763882632539942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869831438112522,0.26705166240273004,0.1826194542989165,0.0,0.1612476138596197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836219742073616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938812780076122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42598086799029145,0.0,0.0,0.1937997561847382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072365589648642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438354590038558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20243887282148126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943474750258596,0.0,0.0,0.11733544513676578
ptsd,DudeBored,2018/01/30,"Breaking up with r/ptsd I made a similar post in r/BPD. 

I'm breaking up with the mental health subs. I have become dependent on the posts and comments. 

My life has taken a downward spiral. I spent yesterday in the hospital because of symptoms I chose not to deal with. I came home to a husband who took off his ring and said something like ""I'll put it back on when you're back to being the girl I wanted to marry."" Ouch. 

My life is shining a bright, wake up call, beacon right in my face and the phrase ""nowhere to go but up"" has never felt more appropriate. 

I have become dependent on these subs. I have lost my ability to solve problems myself and I come running to Reddit for answers when I'm faced with any kind of distress. Reddit can be a great resource but it can also be a crutch. 

*I don't have to figure this out. Someone online will know what to say.* 

No more. I am not willing to lose my husband and my sanity because I don't know how to solve my problems. ",2.006060606060608,3.9003910202020258,3.598989898989899,88.8518181818182,78.1919191919192,6.016161616161617,24.63636363636364,6.937597516519254,0.9548060606060612,754,27,155,8,18,250,117,198,0.09,0.8109999999999999,0.099,-0.0779,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,0,1,11,0,17,7,3,4,1,29,32,11,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,2,4,3,1,1,6,12,0,0,5,0,1,6,6,5,0,0,8,6,21,4,30,19,2,30,0,2,2,0,10,14,0,2,7,104,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184321998412708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071025821040283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277531385194229,0.0,0.18055571437237364,0.3271204678554181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652154204421492,0.0,0.15122242364242894,0.16938220222143607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757146373629155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268032119268093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219524305415407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416628591890975,0.0,0.0,0.16327620034695714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574189660695727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855221518390402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421904090853922,0.16277921512671334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920896085207175,0.07235215298371099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568137763902435,0.16166411748448128,0.0,0.0,0.14013187656478285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924578693301832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422065136663817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836697786861992,0.0,0.0,0.2834154603669657,0.17311612658577008,0.14887723624037896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647304896255254,0.14087306945849598,0.11777176614227805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548113534272773,0.11401142266197405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539282957699816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453994142311046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735077091138793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Adventures_of_JJ,2018/01/30,"Interested in participating in research? Looking to pursue research on the perceptions of adult survivors of abuse on child welfare policy... I am a Senior Political Science and Geography double major going for her BA. For my last semester, I will be in a ""Child Welfare Policy"" senior seminar as a part of my polisci degree and will be producing a research paper for the course.

With that in mind, I am wondering if persons in this community who were raised in the United States and identify as adult survivors of prolonged childhood maltreatment from a caregiver might be interested in being surveyed or interviewed.

For my project I would probably gather demographic data such as gender, age, skin color, economic background (if participants are comfortable sharing). I would then ask about your perceptions of the current child welfare system in place in the USA. If you don't know a lot about it, don't worry, I am only concerned with your perception, not if you know the nuances, etc. I would not share any of your identifying information throughout the research process and in my finished paper (such as your name, age, email, etc.). Your information would be kept private.

I would probably send out the survey or do interviews between the end of February and the middle of March and need for them to be completed by the end of March or middle of April (timeline will be narrowed down once the class starts and I know my due dates)

I have personal interest in this project. I have ptsd from childhood abuse from a parent and when my relationship with my trauma is at its worts, I often question ""why was I left behind?"" ""why didn't anyone save me?"", etc, and I am curious if other adult survivors feel the same way and if this might have implications for our current child welfare institutions.

If this project goes well (I am able to get the responses I need, survivors find the work beneficial/interesting, etc) I will be considering pursuing research in child welfare policy as I enter graduate school as I believe it is a topic that deserves more attention in the political and academic realms.

So, if you have made it this far, thank you! If I pursue this research, would you be interested in participating? How much time would you be willing to give (asking because a survey might take up to 30minutes, but an interview can take up to 2 hours)? Would you prefer to be surveyed or interviewed (it would likely be a phone interview)? If I did a survey, it would probably still include some open-ended questions (that you are free to leave a few sentences of a few page worth of a response to) so I can still hear directly from you.

Feel free to answer these questions in the comments, or dm me. If you 100% for sure want to help me out, please dm me so I can make sure I know who you are and get in contact with you as soon as I am able to pursue the research.

If I get enough interest from y'all, I will be developing a research proposal and submitting an IRB so we can get started on this asap!",8.434989087734614,8.027718996383367,8.554672320259401,67.69374321880655,61.56781193490056,11.822884579410115,39.14129824780196,11.20814326018867,4.557255085115672,2387,111,404,58,29,783,250,553,0.022,0.8859999999999999,0.093,0.9878,4,0,0,0,2,0,74.0,2,18,1,2,15,17,0,0,35,0,58,1,1,4,2,89,86,46,0,26,20,1,3,1,0,19,0,1,0,10,20,20,0,1,19,0,3,3,5,1,1,0,6,6,60,18,78,48,16,63,1,0,2,0,60,31,0,27,27,312,80,26,0.14734269130634672,0.1745769955428388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500990413422459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515127178248052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377455265701542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490936851746609,0.0,0.0,0.08300237846000216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724300426134577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957528363044776,0.07612219365176873,0.3286520981760885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450089187700892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733427525804109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396094972449895,0.07067226775627733,0.04186912349152523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303296082143885,0.0,0.04938035006600473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255143550588837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619513795953941,0.06005197949085729,0.0,0.07800731774414704,0.08004413261162101,0.0,0.0,0.03599209820273322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061865375746136375,0.0,0.0,0.0626327435620764,0.0,0.0697096085556494,0.04917619529086758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344609666554037,0.07438705776980388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054156915788756636,0.10925273863119364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845757874801146,0.0,0.05603037812721644,0.0,0.0,0.08180331093189226,0.07977888812216198,0.0,0.0,0.1286539547761612,0.0769708760609441,0.08086901443729436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23829051291366735,0.0,0.08611786065239282,0.0,0.2475863028331993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909545450005931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455933492644275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428991527530243,0.0,0.11766806360756195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886874282710562,0.0,0.11078336683818966,0.0,0.0,0.06782667701999638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04295835409963336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043453268424989866,0.058476885060611286,0.0,0.0,0.0662393873151336,0.0,0.13295386121439226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989343175166264,0.053633617057002175,0.07481682760301624,0.0,0.5233401021784571,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,XxStonkeyxX,2018/01/30,"I feel like I've lost myself over the past few years. Before my trauma, I used to read a lot. I also had a few hobbies that kept me occupied, and I had friends. I changed a decent amount over the years, and my trauma happened, and as the years go by I slowly feel like I've lost my sense of self because I'm entirely consumed by my illness almost. How do I get this identity back? ",3.938125,4.031941562499998,5.252500000000001,85.9025,70.875,7.9,28.5,7.554174236665415,1.531075,295,10,64,3,5,99,51,80,0.161,0.738,0.101,-0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,6,0,3,1,0,2,0,10,13,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,2,13,3,7,8,4,8,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,2,7,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696252472674448,0.0,0.0,0.1652838057381426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589259743285566,0.0,0.1259916461031378,0.0,0.17587146241872104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186425279652212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900961900824014,0.2953078334137447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968227585431888,0.0,0.10798300071758916,0.0,0.11746234613700285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276852518261585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194911881268224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512364141668476,0.1757139483774455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973016957767236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067382875776032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561477346875613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785071958066798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992899835166742
ptsd,ryu_highabusa,2018/01/31,"People being dismissive of mental health sets me into a violent rage I'm going to end up snapping and killing some dismissive jackass one day only to turn around and go ""See? I told you.""

Got into an argument on another social media platform this morning when I was trying to spread some helpful info... Holy fuck am I ready to pounce ",4.756666666666668,6.677036730158732,5.993841269841273,74.53171428571432,70.5873015873016,8.214603174603175,30.06031746031745,8.841846274778883,2.8520374603174603,266,11,42,5,5,89,53,63,0.272,0.6579999999999999,0.07,-0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,11,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,3,1,5,0,10,7,2,12,0,0,1,1,4,6,1,2,3,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667984292088272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22650206720891344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409023163135916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535485861486365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352220689374723,0.0,0.0,0.2892037913591685,0.0,0.20349578751938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704536699113885,0.0,0.0,0.17054315049874594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814958401232325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25641173870376394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724124821251997,0.1935101147861231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639395105997555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20275262493402746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593655558994137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24312459139809475,0.0,0.1727454061750267,0.2767534070649068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,GoldenR22,2018/01/31,"Complex PTSD and a terrible night I'm staying home from work today because last night was one of the worst I've had in a while. 

I was raised in a safe place by a mom who was a bit crazy when it came to vigilance and the dangers of the world. She always taught us to keep an eye out and be alert. She constantly reminded us of all the murderers and rapists and bad people in the world. While it's good to be prepared it's not healthy to be watching your back in a Target and wondering if the creak you hear at night is a murderer instead of the wind. 

That upbringing coupled with actual trauma in a variety of ways has put me in a bad spot. For years I would have nightmares at night but they were mostly uncomfortable rather than terrifying and I grew used to it. Now though, I'm in an incredibly happy and safe relationship with a loving and supportive partner and I've started to unpack my trauma. This has been good but, as expected, also came with a huge increase of my symptoms.

Last night was the worst it's been though. Our storm door kept getting loose in the wind and banging/creaking and it set me off. Once something scares me and makes me on edge enough I can't stop my mind from running through every worst case scenario possible. I also have this thing where I see terrible images when I close my eyes sometimes at night and that was happening too. It combined and I started seeing these terrifying monster/human hands reaching for my hands/legs/whatever was exposed. I know it's not real, I only see it when my eyes are closed but I feel this overwhelming sense that it's happening even when they're open. I cried while my girlfriend held me and she was really wonderful and helpful in calming me down. 

I went to bed and was fine most of the night until I had a really terrible and vivid nightmare. I won't go into too much detail but there was a psychopath and I had to kill my dog. I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and cried for a long time in the shower. 

I never dream or have flashbacks directly about my trauma but it comes out in emotional flashbacks and I'm constantly on edge. My body gets so tense and I don't even realize it.

Anyways, I just really needed to get this off my chest. I also would appreciate any coping strategies to help me stop the intrusive thoughts at night. 

Thanks",4.274877075556701,5.697484888402628,4.989476766636635,83.23071791736389,71.01312910284464,8.352400566353456,28.758463122667013,8.841846274778883,2.2226929334534686,1842,70,360,34,34,594,237,457,0.18600000000000005,0.677,0.13699999999999998,-0.9811,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,3,2,1,1,23,28,5,2,28,0,30,11,7,2,2,73,66,45,3,6,11,1,3,0,2,3,2,1,4,1,22,35,0,7,8,1,0,9,6,18,0,1,23,12,49,10,56,37,10,75,0,1,8,2,18,32,0,6,31,252,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.07467670843150298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835894399111225,0.0636743737502401,0.0,0.0,0.05203916931074709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058842487086593676,0.12778924016775492,0.0466485219937421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354474998397307,0.08500128072819113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504689703432855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591893535535555,0.0,0.1653912324053391,0.0,0.0,0.08467271689755816,0.16811676891732705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607957264642467,0.0,0.07907009031746648,0.0,0.10108719800821084,0.0,0.06447504945826263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738600225310276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994241379625745,0.0,0.04349054089445745,0.12836995658676334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534042661472506,0.0814615734696015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624848282108427,0.0,0.10258529220765257,0.0,0.07676014355251841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801834160363393,0.08466283439068048,0.0,0.042055771113962664,0.12475508690163452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772162498438315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906619656907638,0.0,0.05108058526145642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726775982331828,0.0896243717626528,0.0,0.0,0.056254188395067545,0.05674182190884825,0.059020281755551324,0.0,0.0,0.5745032070450272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149591518702719,0.05185486725012256,0.05820020215533898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305233590510873,0.0,0.07995163867445845,0.0,0.0,0.08626968537563777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945284802067018,0.07692808896431667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710144215288056,0.14707033814980133,0.0,0.0,0.08215849321987365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661420525514796,0.0,0.1829399528556153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891216875713225,0.07568452022596613,0.0,0.1083286309081226,0.08156475511592108,0.0,0.1279555347423902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868389041306926,0.0,0.07953808070428924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045332275155905,0.0,0.0,0.050839365291549636,0.0,0.1503695336323642,0.0607517710795817,0.044621952883891855,0.0,0.07253611817169707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409869635371434,0.06609245221554214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060741452149667585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093882163726943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597474563791753,0.05571062447503489,0.0,0.0,0.10872137851229996,0.0,0.0,0.04927916030959403
ptsd,iWillyTUBER,2018/02/01,"PTSD? Hey guys.

I'm 18 years old and I am a senior in high school.

I was bullied in the past and I have been going to this new school and it is awesome. I can finally say that I have found a school where I feel that I can be myself and have a group.of friends who actually care about me and want nothing more than my happiness. 

However, when I am taking the bus home I pass my old high school. There I was bullied almost on a daily basis for everything: the way I talk, the way I dress and my interests. I felt like I was being persecuted there for being myself. 
Whenever I pass it, I began to have flashbacks. The flashbacks usually consist of visual and auditory ""hallucinations"" so to say. I might begin to hear someone saying fuck you or you suck or something calling me names. 

One time I ran into one of my bullies on the bus recently I don't think he saw and I made sure of it. Because the flashbacks we're intensified when I was him. I just remember him and his friends calling me names and even threatening to beat me up and calling me a psychopath because I would respond to them with pure anger.

Sometimes, I'll wake up in the middle of the night to find myself punching my pillow because I had a dream that one of my bullies was taunting me and laughing at me. The dreams are violent. I'll punch them until they bleed. I don't like these dreams and I usually end up crying. 

I think I might be suffering from PTSD. I just want it to end. ",2.9610388127853886,4.6222650582191775,4.4303424657534265,84.96939497716895,74.78767123287672,7.3324200913242015,27.57762557077625,8.07648339933343,1.7751913242009132,1135,45,230,18,24,378,150,292,0.114,0.753,0.133,0.1935,1,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,2,3,1,10,14,4,0,16,0,26,3,1,1,2,37,45,19,0,3,4,0,2,2,2,3,1,4,2,1,10,15,0,0,7,3,0,4,2,5,0,3,13,7,53,9,30,25,1,39,0,1,1,1,25,14,2,5,21,163,63,5,0.0,0.0,0.0963700715992616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888828984217553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18059933943098852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025179226468671,0.0,0.10068671614492987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847709679424372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493421427489614,0.0,0.0,0.06522636518423706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875410789888467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993320363572724,0.0,0.09481973308562452,0.10818064359687872,0.09025975376709444,0.0,0.0,0.10827912785969114,0.1525948448704789,0.09129687299091176,0.0,0.0,0.05612441453192645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778240516994303,0.0,0.10512591988511144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130341226032384,0.0,0.0,0.2086789403242271,0.09905873846744367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964928458467912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934438230651642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095256740811652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537763735664703,0.0,0.09267433641594894,0.0,0.09475753253390774,0.0,0.2072523098463981,0.0,0.2007556589447795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427227129202158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23087727216624865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750807914110916,0.0,0.1118695105226934,0.0,0.0,0.2356004432521098,0.0,0.3997789943210465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367430235304893,0.07602597972566201,0.0976706497424464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307487520646976,0.0,0.07425103614752708,0.07937506466064098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265556937848725,0.0,0.0,0.057584498361546076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175280905892988,0.0,0.11649583494838815,0.15677332907825853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015230887694535,0.0,0.0,0.06359461078474167
ptsd,damagedgoods420,2018/02/01,"advice for someone recently diagnosed with ptsd Hello,

long story short I had a 5 year abusive relationship that left me two years later with repressed memories coming up, intense periods of nightmares, and physical anxiety. I was aware of the psychological abuse before, however until last year I wasn't aware to the extent the physical and sexual abuse and am still having memories come up. I have little energy and have been put on medication from my psychiatrist but am still struggling to feel alive, present, and fully function and simply enjoy who I am over all and accomplish my goals. I know it takes time but I thought a year of therapy and doing everything the medical professionals have recommended would be long enough however recently I have found more of a want to turn off the ""healing"" switch and just go back to ignoring it.. any advice pushing forward? ",11.232296918767505,9.977391071895426,10.90422035480859,55.81470588235293,56.58169934640523,15.017366946778711,44.07936507936508,13.707050652182113,6.47428552754435,706,34,104,24,7,233,104,153,0.111,0.777,0.111,-0.0075,2,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,8,0,15,4,0,0,1,25,25,12,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,13,0,2,4,0,0,6,1,3,0,1,6,1,11,1,18,17,4,31,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,18,75,15,3,0.0,0.4548295334112792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500790412891587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701613683289136,0.0,0.09788786733164874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839215298268122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888322005700826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044975639438355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987513764978792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221528878311306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500080795113335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064699639235169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029984056957698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272173840459477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032262010203863,0.10430321867368827,0.0,0.0,0.13902723504071493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282479871398003,0.0,0.22647841094457466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25780936166879115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957658560954315,0.12863358897293894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526870732736309,0.13737949284536854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841878312056097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437557385160876,0.0,0.0,0.1337699592341678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620883303680558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633164422652725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015847196471223,0.07461360373970623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391820541256984,0.12499681679859505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547321165838043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089801465502152,0.0,0.0,0.32960419724640394
ptsd,thejosey,2018/02/01,"How did you get diagnosed? I used to be a Police Officer (now work in IT) and a couple of years ago I experienced a semi-traumatizing event where myself and 3 other Officers were shot at (from about 50 yards away) late at night in a residential area. Luckily, nobody was hurt, but I could hear the bullets hit the tree limbs above my head each of the 3 shots. We were stuck laying on the ground for about 4 hours in 20* degree weather from 11:30pm-2:30am while waiting on SWAT...again, small town. Anyways, between that event, some of the training I had received & also just living the life of always being paranoid (the life of a Cop), I think I’ve developed a form of PTSD. I just don’t know where to go and am also a little afraid of the results. Loud pops and bangs scare the life out of me, crowded places (grocery stores and the like) give me literal panic attacks and I can’t sit anywhere in public unless I can see the door and my back to the wall. Day-to-day I fee fine. But during those circumstances, I’m inconsolable for a bit. Any advice on where to go from here would be awesome and also any advice on what to expect. 

Many thanks! ",5.293862199747154,5.651606287610619,5.7428824273072046,82.64115044247791,67.98230088495575,8.404045512010113,27.647281921618198,8.192908349453996,1.6825370417193422,895,26,178,11,14,288,149,226,0.091,0.847,0.062,-0.7385,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,0,1,15,8,1,3,20,0,14,5,1,3,0,26,28,16,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,2,0,5,11,0,1,2,1,2,3,2,5,0,0,6,4,16,3,34,16,4,36,0,1,1,0,7,22,0,1,11,116,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808088240443608,0.12736544598084426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447073907037243,0.11955495501682845,0.1556794141747022,0.0,0.19541740827992127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345904617086918,0.13499399231192002,0.11048260834586517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686355809959446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471840553587352,0.15898142790610553,0.0,0.1853260393544715,0.0,0.0,0.14583423100165838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506792786199075,0.1378328909314939,0.1633156120447841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474592100259607,0.0,0.16194008478812166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149785219136676,0.0,0.15381457958034184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896388338972678,0.0,0.16207958267022052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30446059054804697,0.07019577980830116,0.14400713578049396,0.1268738605470114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456710216738364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483584727645814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857989844239327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011713507760344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795659841410046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385077266495672,0.0,0.11449597143650132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322831044304849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206564006325366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409513727728227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460222552321692,0.0,0.0,0.10206758819796473,0.0,0.0,0.09252651336925598
ptsd,Aywing,2018/02/01,"Veterans/soldiers, what are your favorite songs about PTSD? I just listened to this one and started crying by the second half:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpu2q0SCgP0

Looking forward to hear yours!",14.166428571428574,17.78491421428572,7.57,65.72500000000001,49.71428571428571,8.457142857142857,42.57142857142857,8.841846274778883,4.4515142857142855,170,8,18,2,2,42,27,28,0.122,0.78,0.098,-0.1906,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680132299546504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802070761142678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577879303093829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887131850902257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4980480721870626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015715372974331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,_blue_morpho_,2018/02/01,"How do I feel empowered? Thinking about my rape trauma lately and how Kesha was able to do an emotional performance as a survivor of sexual abuse at the Grammys, and here I am, not even able to leave my house without extreme panic. 
What do you guys do to feel empowered after trauma? And, for me, the hardest part is knowing my abuser lives right up the road and although I have a legal case pending, I doubt anything will happen to him.",6.314642857142857,6.5874364166666695,6.835809523809528,75.97585714285717,65.78571428571429,9.100952380952384,33.46666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.9116980952380955,345,14,60,5,5,113,62,84,0.227,0.687,0.085,-0.9419,2,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,1,2,6,0,9,1,0,2,0,13,14,8,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,2,10,0,12,12,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,2,49,11,1,0.40652131883699055,0.4816612879638455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726620377083054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286408837089917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342517485489813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205549393402923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126000941966107,0.17974272984513906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345355106704189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117067426909315,0.0,0.2292868772352121,0.2152236898018495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948288617444053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384825888719877,0.0,0.22011148654356785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358349254602032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024122324966336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593602230588325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,capwalton,2018/02/01,Resources specifically for secondary trauma? Can anyone recommend some resources specifically for partners of people with PTSD? ,13.019411764705884,18.418560647058822,9.936764705882355,38.9604411764706,60.17647058823529,10.458823529411768,49.67647058823529,10.125756701596842,7.955023529411764,109,7,7,3,2,32,14,17,0.153,0.726,0.121,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574898749434501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535974388911929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7648217947702439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Tom4434,2018/02/01,"I'm not sure if I have ptsd or not.. I wish I could have thought of a better title for this but honest to god I can't. It's not something that's particularly weighing heavy on me, I just wanted some input. I'm a 23 year old male from Columbus, Ohio also.

Last fall/summer I was the victim of domestic abuse. My girlfriend at the time beat the shit out of me without any warning, it was my first and hopefully last time ever experiencing something of the sort and the fact that someone I loved so deeply could have did that was what really made it worse more than anything... It was only one time that this happened.

There's been a few times where I'll be laying in bed before I go to sleep and I'll see flashbacks of it and go into a panic attack. The way she breathed heavily before it happened, nearly hyperventilating. The way she marched up to me in silence and hit me square in the face... me repeatedly screaming at her to stop whilst trying to restrain her. It all would just come out right before bed but never during my day and these panic attacks maybe happened 2-3 times. This was in the first month after it happened and it hasn't really happened since... as time went on I accepted what happened. Or atleast thought I did...

Fast forward nearly 4 months. Just yesterday when I was at work, I was minding my own business doing my job when I heard a woman frantically yelling at somebody somewhere across the warehouse. It very much reminded me of the way my ex yelled at me the way she did that night when she assaulted me.. The type of loud yelling from a woman where their voice starts to grow hoarse from it while they're yelling. Idk it's hard to describe... but suddenly, I stopped what I was doing and began to shake and hyperventilate as those same flashbacks of that night I described started happening. I put my scanner down and went to the bathroom and had a panic attack on the floor.

The reason I'm not sure if it is PTSD is because it was just one instance where domestic violence occurred in my life, to me it could just be me still not being able to accept what happened. Normally you hear about the common case of combat veterans, rape victims or people who endured prolonged abuse in a relationship that develop PTSD but I feel like one instance of abuse like that shouldn't cause someone to develop it... or maybe it can. That's why I'm on the internet asking strangers about it. 

Thoughts? And thanks for reading. ",5.014806201550389,6.2013340465116285,5.34249471458774,82.28878083157156,69.0,7.847498238195914,30.40098661028894,8.101407402915765,2.0841337561663145,1936,76,368,25,33,615,236,473,0.177,0.7390000000000001,0.084,-0.9947,1,0,2,0,8,0,52.0,0,1,1,5,18,25,8,5,26,0,32,8,4,3,6,68,67,30,0,11,21,1,2,2,1,2,1,9,2,3,37,16,1,3,7,1,0,9,10,14,0,5,22,14,44,11,57,36,7,78,0,0,2,2,19,29,1,9,40,253,81,5,0.06789015858650352,0.2413162093323619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429173529358816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046167635891558666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055867815900290295,0.0,0.06346813378062947,0.2317045690009865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04138521054066251,0.0,0.17330857383198486,0.0,0.0,0.060043328234544176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974189407320927,0.0,0.058481360216807776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626143020765225,0.0,0.0,0.04378353587560617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614105352264235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034327304052360716,0.048500742859293226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549466842395265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716708330805708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4802803442188258,0.0,0.0608162471073713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651714283342402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743024596676626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737050677378396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067908085352443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479528267601647,0.06633540444199322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612735187330791,0.064239309569911,0.0,0.0,0.13640957871533124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854970686364614,0.0,0.10837855374770644,0.0,0.049907078102844886,0.0,0.052361075597430175,0.0,0.0,0.127420629655929,0.06651794096925549,0.0,0.0,0.07123930108262684,0.0,0.13801238540798674,0.05163352485274757,0.0,0.23896342004830576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706648779572077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23807988703011526,0.0682483607670604,0.0,0.0,0.06790853062758785,0.0,0.08698434803475615,0.06980239011687121,0.0,0.07288862313931821,0.0,0.057977824487349665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054099666624980204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968827218125205,0.0561594407402968,0.0,0.06793918804710769,0.0,0.11504622211690538,0.1045303217858876,0.0,0.0,0.09610600735251157,0.0,0.05421716834447469,0.11351842499677188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797134204151026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250413669598502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616916075401427,0.2375237845799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046092961253185315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601649086645175,0.040043374507676005,0.2155521914367874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586971434416472,0.06126030848565251,0.0,0.0780703318929865,0.0654436902114306,0.0,0.049424844018860895,0.0,0.06918587161815838,0.048227220796043635,0.0,0.0,0.043719036263425416
ptsd,SeriousFaceUK,2018/02/02,"Somatic and EMDR experiences. Today I was feeling more heavily ""buzzy"" in my body and was starting to feel the onset of a depressive state of being when I thought to look up and down slowly (as you would in emdr), and also breathing out while looking down. After doing this maybe 20 times, feeling sensations begin and move from my head through my chest to my gut, I felt a lot better very shortly after. 

I've been back and forth between thinking I have generalised anxiety and PTSD for about 6 months now, and believing I had just generalised anxiety for a lot longer. I am wondering if this experience confirms my suspicions that I have PTSD, however I understand this is only one experience. 

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I'm looking for some clarity. ",7.995053956834532,8.384595798561154,8.589127697841729,64.42959082733813,62.237410071942435,12.417625899280575,39.677158273381295,11.93303328291395,5.309236690647482,612,31,96,19,8,205,95,139,0.063,0.872,0.064,0.0258,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,13,5,5,0,0,23,27,13,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,7,14,1,21,18,4,20,0,1,3,0,1,7,0,5,11,76,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997306397958442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351692938590148,0.0,0.210401728005238,0.0,0.0,0.09615575600317906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574282377392548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493565061015446,0.0,0.1216234615043617,0.0,0.15275145381553593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844401857340515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380758151751852,0.0,0.0,0.2085996395795484,0.0,0.13203880855836045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113310224179726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464413581625836,0.0,0.0,0.23382570604203906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815527581102147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976552472360328,0.1461598296434552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318572957972893,0.10458860637658188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3215022754019705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973359208196866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811595687862514,0.0,0.109173900378621,0.08018782913281731,0.0,0.1303509477732787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316104756010578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346672013070902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913236292242868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768881413497968,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DJ_DTM,2018/02/02,"What if it never goes away? How does one cope when triggers are everywhere? What do you do when it kills every friendship, relationship and every social interaction you have? What do you do when it runs your life no matter what meds you take? What is left to try when you're alone from it unwanted because of it and still suffering daily?",4.840312500000003,6.693311156250001,5.073875000000001,81.48362500000003,70.25,8.245000000000001,25.3,8.841846274778883,1.84344125,270,8,50,5,5,85,44,64,0.185,0.76,0.054000000000000006,-0.8645,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,8,8,8,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,4,8,0,9,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,6,38,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676000309090672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24275313552951175,0.0,0.0,0.15750385689805962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261069311350284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.435386525846706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28585520789367586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807267174885094,0.0,0.18249889429629845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869979365640097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19927581013084536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750825372758183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773995617867404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633822044035481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633972892214367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942668994597564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754206171331776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SadDadClub,2018/02/02,"I might have PTSD I just want to know how likely it sounds that I have PTSD? I cut myself off from my biological mother, and last I heard she  moved out of the state. But whenever I see someone who looks kind of like her I freak out. Hyperventilate, dizziness, verge of tears kind of thing. Ugh, I don't like talking about it, just thinking about her makes me feel nauseous. I get intrusive memories, that are really hard to get out of my head, sometimes I actually flashback like I'm there. I have nightmares that replay old memories of me as a child, or sometimes of just her face.
But it doesn't happen everyday. This is the first time I've really thought about frequency, I'll catch myself actively trying to avoid thinking about certain things. I stay away from where I used to live with her, every time I go to that town I have a panic attack. I was also homeless for two years after she kicked me out, so I just have a lot of negative energy towards her.

I used to think that I couldn't have PTSD because it was just for people who go through physical trama. So what, am I just crazy?",3.6678084815321483,5.297096218604653,4.600027359781123,84.60846785225719,72.86046511627906,7.84952120383037,25.6703146374829,8.4952907291091,1.662704514363885,857,28,172,15,17,278,125,215,0.126,0.805,0.069,-0.9191,0,1,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,0,0,1,16,13,2,2,5,0,15,2,2,4,1,31,34,9,0,2,9,1,2,4,0,1,0,2,0,1,15,6,0,1,6,0,0,4,4,6,0,2,4,6,34,7,33,28,1,24,0,0,2,0,13,10,0,3,12,122,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.1244970722505061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202354587356552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513763219364673,0.11986310249258715,0.0,0.0,0.0777699571260729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748940411752322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450693205445329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851721296422592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330778025198708,0.0,0.14501027497528887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281621287662195,0.0,0.11428423024359965,0.0,0.13093114813567122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657043171670736,0.07011316493319067,0.10399255265687912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493113598794287,0.0,0.11265312100139885,0.0,0.10713282725171752,0.0,0.0,0.10846168499600703,0.0,0.0,0.0851588594016139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533938779712748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559451328254174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338709485467945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14968451039288413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884460581480333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447393220066386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634586106709727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166261567826723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080958589392398,0.0,0.2523544859093451,0.0,0.0,0.13598046062884414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254182648153316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951342036392808,0.2452392079519154,0.0,0.10128215065047247,0.1487827358443403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661663366317568,0.0,0.12462451512197918,0.0,0.0,0.22037170548937293,0.0,0.0,0.07524841550788906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215561867105077
ptsd,EthiopFighter7,2018/02/02,"Is this mild ptsd? If so, how to cope with it? Greetings everyone! I am a 22 year old male and in university. Well to get to the point, I witnessed a murder suicide at a gas station a couple years back. I was with my parents at the time, and was getting gas when a domestic dispute erupted in the car next to me. I proceeded to go back into the car, and all hell broke loose, with one of the individuals shooting an individual in the car. Thank God that there was an off duty police officer, who intervened and prevented the situation from further escalating. Despite this, the individual took his own life. Ever since then, the amount of paranoia that I have grappling with has been excessive. Hearing loud sounds that I cant point to the source as well as yelling greatly puts me in a tense state. The paranoia has also seeped into my social life. I am currently seeing someone, and I am paranoid of them seeing someone else or seeing me as some sort of nuisance. Having said that, my perspective on life has changed completely, and I am constantly reminded of how brittle life is. I am always worried about my vulnerability. 
My concentration has gone down the drain, and depression has now become an intrinsic part of my daily life. As a result, my academic performance has been sub par. I am not quite sure how to cope with this. I am not sure if my plight would be categorized as full blown ptsd or just a mild manifestation. I am new to this subreddit. Thank you for your help.

",4.9345595238095274,6.570526860714287,6.003571428571429,75.76809523809527,69.67857142857143,9.19047619047619,31.54761904761905,9.606745405546679,3.0834047619047618,1171,51,214,27,21,389,161,280,0.145,0.795,0.061,-0.9774,2,0,0,1,1,1,34.0,0,2,1,2,15,11,2,0,23,0,26,5,0,4,4,35,38,23,2,3,7,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,10,14,0,2,1,0,0,7,3,4,2,1,8,8,28,7,38,28,6,38,1,2,3,0,11,15,1,6,15,159,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212430912242292,0.09585449511775154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716128354185764,0.0,0.0,0.1272278448824462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186488412232747,0.0,0.12078358011058858,0.12448880252282585,0.0,0.0,0.12746510174249093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922041803603857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623368001363247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420376324277517,0.0,0.11007723525924794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120373067326805,0.0,0.06547004068211078,0.0,0.0,0.12700690499085082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983723731489274,0.0,0.07721521871296358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40684102394762894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125956234877367,0.12251505832520765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088159199760093,0.0,0.07806157841701246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279144545676097,0.12474889883922995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779989664468805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693220860718389,0.11580644918428028,0.0,0.12252793150578074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095802848820898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753951988067123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952935037151502,0.12948809565287894,0.0,0.11743050405023372,0.19521486414740566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600861238610747,0.0,0.21714670583453824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211885673844502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717325217254176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798992543382398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715482057596374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169898086800743,0.0,0.08183380716613001,0.0,0.0,0.14836829176620106
ptsd,veritablecrush,2018/02/02,Dissociative episode after discussing trauma in therapy I just started with a new therapist a few weeks ago and finally got around to the worst of my trauma yesterday. Today I am almost completely dissociated and it’s really unnerving. It happens sometimes but usually I just wait it out and eventually snap back to reality. Anyone else experience episodes of dissociation and have some ideas on how to deal?,8.177999999999999,10.30910365714286,9.424285714285716,52.43071428571432,62.42857142857143,13.6,41.14285714285714,12.688352899677879,6.707371428571429,336,19,46,14,5,116,57,70,0.094,0.906,0.0,-0.6542,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,15,6,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,11,5,3,14,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,10,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19503617297228729,0.0,0.22032018914208895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384445505061622,0.22543847681674026,0.0,0.19586617248035432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918328943797256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23068881625455384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268329572953049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838000968826905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152236745941804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410232788615984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597164347526054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945646734384423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483779872209146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124985590900552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409516876828686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760732296240806,0.0,0.15573266040214515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516142615912535,0.2554624285995173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855507105417995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24232308061369445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17648832741579254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Silly67,2018/02/02,"Special consideration for PTSD So I’ve been studying to be an Early Years teacher. Which may seem mad for someone with PTSD, but it works for me. 

I just can’t handle doing full-time placements. It’s too stressful. I need more rest and relaxation. I’ve read that if I qualify for special consideration the uni will let me do placements part-time. 

Does anyone know if PTSD is recognised for things like special consideration? I feel embarrassed to apply.",3.8937617135207496,6.848112807228923,4.498232931726911,79.23829986613124,77.55421686746988,6.5804551539491305,28.49933065595717,7.793537801064563,2.12334109772423,365,16,62,6,9,116,61,83,0.107,0.7070000000000001,0.187,0.8124,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,2,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,14,13,5,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,6,5,8,8,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,39,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786140972488696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850546529400881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692317707018184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621576333492464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162375308748312,0.0,0.10331123271950617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679879292385204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289962432994869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7415746333863132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152246135595085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925100086480429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917380811347736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24223271321107898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048810634835626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394921024482114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361766787336876
ptsd,WalkingEpiPen,2018/02/02,"Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) Anyone else experiencing this after diagnosis?

I had normal blood glucose levels pre diagnosis (80s-90s) fasting when I got CMPs, just got a CMP for a clinical trial and came back at 63 when I wasn't even completely fasting. Have lost about 15lbs unintentionally with no major diet or exercise changes. My systolic BP has been consistently elevated ~25mmHg too. Can this possibly be attributed to chronically high catecholamines depleting glycogen? I scored 73 on the CAPS-5 with my psych last month, rather severe case.",7.172333333333333,10.705054677777778,7.321111111111112,60.38499999999999,68.8888888888889,10.666666666666668,35.555555555555564,10.504223727775694,5.156555555555556,451,23,60,15,9,145,78,90,0.08800000000000001,0.912,0.0,-0.7733,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,7,7,2,1,0,9,11,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,2,6,0,8,3,1,14,0,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,8,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723147566241272,0.2525042339264663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894951451762235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28185872834838865,0.0,0.0,0.2606980876065735,0.0,0.2583849201177447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058668214685516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276957527163952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941969947270549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603746382982474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087936858538846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690155280551297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967039776364712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414563236062271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27782113510100376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27840411087214695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hanneurism,2018/02/03,"Military BF, Civilian GF with PTSD Help? I haven't found ANY help for my situation. I'm a civilian who struggles with PTSD. It's been pretty bad lately, as my life has been hectic, busy, and messier than usual. And most sites only talk about veterans who've seen combat and how their civilian SOs can help. But my situation is the other way around... 

I'm in a new-ish relationship with a wonderful young man. He is a marine. He and I are 22, so I understand that he doesn't really have the most worldly perspective yet. He has not been deployed, nor does he struggle with any sort of anxiety/depression/etc. He doesn't like to talk about work much, and tries to keep things pretty light and low key.

My problem is, if I'm going to date anyone, they have to be aware that I struggle with PTSD and willing to at least be there for me when I need. I don't need coddling or protecting, I just need someone to hold my hand and let me cry it out, or help me through a flashback. I need someone who can *be* present and emotional, and someone I can feel comfortable having a conversation with about it. 

Everytime I have had a breakdown, and try to express things from the past, he audibly growls and talks about how pissed he is that it happened. He talks about what he'd do to my abusers if he ever found them. For me, that doesn't HELP AT ALL. It just makes me feel like I'm just pissing him off, and my problem has suddenly become his, minimizing my emotions about it? (I hope that makes sense). He always says I need to be protected, but he doesn't understand that it's not an imminent threat in my life anymore, but a constant struggle and disability; that my brain works and processes things differently now and always will. I just feel so very alone when I talk to him. 

He can't relate in even the tiniest sense because he doesn't have any sort of mental or emotional issue like anxiety or depression. He also has never seen combat or been through trauma. So I'm trying to relate to a ""man's-man"" kind of marine. I feel like I simply can't get through to him. Because he likes to keep it light and lacks the perspective, I get the impression he doesn't care or know how to help. But he doesn't ask, either. When I do open up, all I can think is ""He's probably bored and wishing I'll stop talking."" or ""He hasn't contributed to this conversation once, why don't I just talk to a wall?"" 

I know he cares, he really does. He has voiced his frustration that he can't relate and that I struggle. But he's a brick wall when it comes to me opening up. Anyone else struggle with this? How can I ask him for what I need/ get him to be more understanding without sounding bitchy?

Thanks for anyone reading <3 Any advice is more than welcome, I'm at a loss and feel so alone when I talk to him about this.
",4.168951465201463,5.1330705892857145,4.949642857142859,85.15099816849819,70.78571428571429,8.315018315018316,27.930402930402927,8.617729084823388,1.867249084249084,2190,76,456,36,39,709,226,560,0.13699999999999998,0.768,0.094,-0.97,1,2,0,0,1,1,80.0,0,0,3,3,32,31,4,6,19,0,52,6,4,6,4,98,97,50,0,13,23,0,6,5,2,2,2,4,0,1,29,32,0,6,14,1,0,2,19,18,0,0,9,14,53,13,61,79,10,40,0,3,2,0,64,19,2,15,23,285,82,3,0.0,0.07020190571770014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057898698266849374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273086428058208,0.0,0.047382436010522236,0.09860197649248492,0.0,0.0,0.1611689176306152,0.0,0.04532631015701362,0.0,0.05876036727724391,0.1242875425397756,0.06070892462616272,0.0,0.052745320452066896,0.11078204707607124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947151779001975,0.07223685445384972,0.06543729094226511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614291959102919,0.0,0.0,0.12081924024495147,0.0,0.0,0.051038878998742335,0.0,0.064028515119997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508366207809109,0.0,0.0,0.05103218849958868,0.0,0.0,0.06190394292715658,0.0,0.0,0.1037006572225019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949601499039267,0.19994580626402889,0.0,0.0,0.06607973615979815,0.03913425815852327,0.05359528001827523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497936360736302,0.0846568389301293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992977091002886,0.0,0.0,0.09286749416633157,0.0,0.03367330558869122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052394836327297516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238285325201856,0.0,0.0,0.05884890761764632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618419097092686,0.0,0.10532876139726513,0.0,0.061700060011099775,0.06512482040291186,0.0,0.06683690859199992,0.0,0.0,0.060587436499504974,0.0837004650229148,0.14473349577095113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910005816356387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597103571382745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355578103909779,0.2636000384680308,0.045697476798652964,0.057224299902688125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309962580098795,0.0,0.045062515944705034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656110671676495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205576928700278,0.06388183456043325,0.11338905241335215,0.2077812571581049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059266324600427314,0.0,0.07591450673636105,0.0,0.0,0.06361263833469125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047118209241757865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133199618316672,0.0,0.0,0.15060773692981533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049535896019334315,0.0,0.3716476103047305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809851139802199,0.0,0.054549707084794716,0.0,0.0,0.11808978100906713,0.03796519381402772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068117414028193,0.0,0.0,0.18504492635965772,0.0,0.0,0.06525582431128249,0.048887694962424864,0.0,0.04703012282832493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05346417150068671,0.0,0.06813491013385488,0.057115165816071525,0.06425441274039384,0.08626983449284935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwawayforcon2,2018/02/03,"Does anyone hear voices in only in the dark? Currently im suffering from PTSD and anxiety and whenever I switch my light off, the voices come up",2.7495238095238115,5.388513,4.907142857142858,76.50452380952382,79.71428571428572,9.447619047619048,23.619047619047624,9.725611199111238,2.9669619047619054,116,4,20,4,3,40,23,28,0.16699999999999998,0.833,0.0,-0.5859,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,5,2,0,6,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289890180276042,0.0,0.0,0.2649655942145755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32642564071020197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316153698904549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4270960402103635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093232163002981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288203050847306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429638171655829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EveryoneHasMonsters,2018/02/03,"Why is PTSD observed by outsiders like some textbook idea?!?! Everyone has their own journey with PTSD.... From it's source and cause to the outcomes and reactions.....

I wish it was a topic that the fortunate peers we have are at least commonly educated about.... just the same as they are educated to use sexual protection or practice fucking manners. 

I was just told that I'm probably faking this (apparently *convenient*) mental illness.... because of this person's observation that I am not in a 24/7 frantic state. 

Hey my fellow PTSD redditors.... I'm here to make the PSA: you're pretending to have PTSD if you smiled at all today.... or was able to hold a conversation with another human without crying, screaming, running, hiding, or entering any other form of manic episode.... You heard it here first ladies and gents. 

/s

It's people like him that assume only war veterans are traumatized. I have complete honor for and respect to all serving members of course, so please don't get me wrong. 

He told me I am taking advantage of the PTSD
 condition.... that there are people out there that ""actually have PTSD"" and that I just claim to have it ""selectively"" when it is convenient to situations in my life. 

Fuck him. Fuck them. I didn't ask for this. I don't enjoy this. I don't want it. I'm not skipping around eating bon bons. This isn't a joke. I cope. I have triggers. But I'm a human! I am a person!!!

And rant. 

Edit: minor typo",3.0568346413327814,5.5794839330855055,4.569904997934739,80.04378218367067,77.69888475836431,7.702657304144293,26.691587498278945,8.626192665926032,2.3276103813851026,1114,45,200,25,27,371,159,269,0.096,0.768,0.136,0.8828,1,0,0,0,0,0,74.0,1,2,3,3,11,15,4,1,11,0,24,6,0,4,2,35,41,14,1,3,11,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,4,20,11,1,2,2,2,0,3,8,8,0,1,7,2,24,7,27,34,7,14,0,0,0,3,20,6,3,6,6,136,44,2,0.10392138095108952,0.0,0.1014122769688386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067010266273938,0.10897062899934276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251206165868264,0.09715246283402736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334950926439918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675588469863054,0.0,0.0,0.10895959074020496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415275720265886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633751671416064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993013329517085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839547354873467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28822092636737745,0.05429463235012192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731458973981568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340274468611056,0.10154147492198412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936832874760031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472830942904147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903689309007811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440920012586705,0.18148028282393386,0.0,0.1140744692792947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204482534323064,0.0,0.7288711987709969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681198632420176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813594529978495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850531793350097,0.198602665903417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975470679429078,0.0,0.0,0.06129552299509016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377288237156008,0.0,0.11950445941721415,0.10017650279372298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136217162183274,0.0,0.0
ptsd,vavarg,2018/02/03,"PTSD/EMDR Questions Recently had an ASD evaluation, and was diagnosed instead with PTSD, a personality disorder, major depression, etc. According to my mom, I didn't start talking until I started preschool at 4 years old, and still wouldn't talk at home... but teachers said that I wouldn't stop talking at school. It seems it was my environment.

My evaluator recommended I start with EMDR for the PTSD, but I have a few questions. BTW, I am a 40 y/o female just finally trying to seek answers after a long history with mental illness. I have a steady career and function ok day-to-day, but am hoping to improve my quality of life. Here goes...

- Is EMDR effective if you can't recall early memories? I feel like my mental illness precedes my memories, based on my lag in speech, early trichotillomania, etc.

- Should I be concerned about false memories? If I don't recall them now, how can I be sure that any memories that 'resurface' are real?

- How stressful is the EMDR process? It'll be hard enough fitting it into my full-time career/mom schedule, but I'm worried about how to manage the additional stress.

- How long should it take? How many sessions? Any tips to make the most of it?

- Is it really effective? I'm a skeptic, is there a scientific basis?

- For those with trust issues, did EMDR improve your relationships with others?",4.5308013937282245,6.770377585365857,5.863124274099885,73.89134146341466,71.92682926829268,8.588153310104529,30.81997677119628,9.23628265651192,3.1232220673635296,1050,47,175,24,21,352,146,246,0.114,0.738,0.14800000000000002,0.8989,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,1,2,13,9,1,2,12,1,25,4,0,8,1,39,36,15,0,7,7,1,2,1,0,5,4,2,1,1,12,10,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,4,22,5,24,22,6,25,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,7,19,119,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260791615738314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472723246372626,0.0,0.09664290184937782,0.11388677341221408,0.0,0.0,0.12859784825730766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593883870118413,0.2502788002507722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673474759500838,0.08016002072563493,0.0,0.12291623733797477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051457650298884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125518115166398,0.1114459201153236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711395858045755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925444767102273,0.0548182056751186,0.0,0.0,0.19859763721332388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074898406105423,0.11375931785113795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615460374983015,0.0,0.0,0.2628287267604099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774136878336322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797399020907101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934885849904891,0.0,0.2513928991599579,0.0,0.0,0.12771504385359994,0.07188206540980704,0.0,0.11078993246463184,0.12046730002592552,0.0,0.0,0.10673364339827854,0.0,0.0,0.1135585075917417,0.0,0.10214816889504368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382600477971611,0.0,0.08960789220871866,0.09380927759067392,0.2570632901090104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575286918898404,0.0,0.08436498137050565,0.2705609052272066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618053892659624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395068496425093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225701394199296
ptsd,lime_st,2018/02/03,"How do you cope? Could really use some advice. I’ve been having a hard time emotionally and financially this year. The past few days my ptsd has been hitting me hard, the flashbacks are vivid and unbearable. I burst in tears every single time it happens. I’ve been considering admitting myself, but I can’t afford to take time off work. I have literally no money for 10 days so I can’t do what I would normally do to cope/block it out (have wine). What is something you do to cope with your ptsd? I’m on medication and I have tried tons of counselling, but any councillor I’ve tried has just made me angry. I have BPD as well so that really doesn’t help the situation. Any advice is really appreciated.",2.475093167701864,4.887422347826089,4.3296480331262925,81.57782608695653,79.14492753623189,8.000828157349899,21.45134575569358,8.841846274778883,1.63340414078675,556,16,110,14,14,188,89,138,0.081,0.8320000000000001,0.087,0.5813,1,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,0,22,2,0,3,0,16,29,9,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,4,3,14,1,11,22,4,11,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,7,72,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119804437698962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711002125026405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010505020861348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745290034761447,0.0,0.0,0.20589844424116616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956414460500744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449656809860272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116175991818936,0.0,0.2859972456215132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699774451707256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104734730824446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608121149354189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640514505963046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238649314950314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37320176305453656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067924091016633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943268707393956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289225962066475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200231505634281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27924753413144826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675885290449526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787051076192913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435280436740232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621375805803252,0.0,0.0,0.1133977593791484,0.0,0.0,0.10279756271783512
ptsd,Memmzer,2018/02/04,"I'm starting EMDR therapy and was curious about others who have tried it I saw a new therapist Monday that I specifically picked because of her experience with EMDR. We talked and she considers me a good candidate for EMDR therapy so I'm starting at my next therapy appointment. I was curious how it had worked for others, what changes they saw, how long it was before they saw any changes, and if they thought it was worth their time. 
I've been researching and thinking about it for a few years now and would love to hear about others' experiences and how it went for them. ",7.573608562691134,7.438532064220183,7.733532110091745,71.97381498470948,63.220183486238525,12.03730886850153,36.51529051987768,11.538034831475384,4.330081345565748,461,20,84,13,6,150,68,109,0.0,0.875,0.125,0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,5,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,4,0,16,20,11,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,11,4,13,2,11,8,1,11,0,0,3,1,12,1,0,1,9,60,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426976384634555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243275714443646,0.0,0.14298566100030566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555181261807387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32874152699012715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094003438584568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893879916725635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487059497058129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165841569426733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228953652563333,0.1787074442256067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23787249557637855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350604063224874,0.0,0.0,0.5764890181619357,0.1951019306420728,0.0,0.107670233076892,0.0,0.13340125575519848,0.097982732736513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408493624736958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557704033979407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233169719678764,0.0,0.0,0.119367453518171,0.0,0.0,0.10820922174022064
ptsd,kbroen,2018/02/04,"FREE ebook on Amazon: Exploring Mental Health We have just released a book called “Exploring Mental Health”

For the release, we are giving it away for FREE for the starting Feb 4th for a LIMITED TIME ONLY.

Here is the link:
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",6.885153256704983,10.933479431034485,5.030229885057469,70.47664750957856,82.27586206896551,7.40536398467433,27.13409961685824,8.167268648758528,2.966131800766284,309,12,40,7,9,89,45,58,0.146,0.61,0.244,0.7925,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,3,1,0,2,2,6,2,0,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,6,8,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,24,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029713819246257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059522400773848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723983243927832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592688206782691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6531354347001042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430385699010416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25253259274456746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291022386104533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24515321866726225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988954030598313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597136597027395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,themissgrimreefer,2018/02/04,"I found out my extreme anxiety is PTSD (CW/TW: Suicide, Sexual Abuse, Mass Shooting) I feel like I should give a little bit of a background. I was sexually abused by an uncle for three years from the age of 5-8. My whole childhood I was ""troubled""; acting out, distracted, loud, all over the place, etc. I started self harming by scratching myself when I was nine when I didn't know how to deal with the anxiety I was feeling (I wasn't able to peg this as anxiety until adulthood). College is where things started falling apart for me. I was raped again by someone I didn't know my freshman year of college and I feel like that was a catalyst. Again, at this point I'm thinking it's anxiety. All I can tell someone about in terms of my feelings was that I was afraid something bad was going to happen I just didn't know what. 

Fast forward to June of 2016. My wife and I were supposed to go to Pulse for their Latin Night but I ended up falling asleep. I woke up that morning to find out that someone had gone into the club and killed almost 50 people. Since then my ""anxiety"" has been out of control. I'm afraid to leave the house, I'm afraid anytime I'm in a crowd someone is going to do something, I'm afraid of getting taken, I'm way angrier than I usually am because I feel like I'm always on high alert. My therapist (who is also a nueropsychologist and offers testing) diagnosed me with PTSD a month an a half ago and it super makes sense but now I'm at the point where the treatment is confronting the trauma and that's terrifying. But the thought of living in a constant state of flight or fight is almost more terrifying. 

I don't know what I'm hoping for in this post. Basically to feel like I'm less alone and like I'm less losing my mind. ",3.23323148522865,4.7720887365439095,4.36927863213274,86.19172450424931,73.81586402266291,6.9692027519223,27.62130716309187,7.5804360353943165,1.5368802913800081,1376,53,278,17,28,450,184,353,0.17,0.7559999999999999,0.073,-0.9833,0,1,2,1,3,1,41.0,0,0,1,3,11,21,4,5,19,0,28,3,1,3,2,43,65,18,2,2,5,1,7,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,14,14,0,1,14,1,0,8,5,14,0,3,21,8,34,7,48,43,9,57,0,1,0,1,10,25,0,4,28,175,48,3,0.09022407730113154,0.21380155610308055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997820071813785,0.0,0.18069276115223848,0.09344493392594784,0.0,0.07215216202065358,0.07507366001467887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451058609060313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533333588421827,0.05499976009316085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850132458168843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750017487184433,0.10119397460223124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301706197152687,0.0,0.09157553925874146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991175256386887,0.0,0.10062369584849988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737200264818954,0.2578243954062057,0.0,0.0,0.08246317210625677,0.0,0.0,0.09892604381848327,0.0,0.0,0.04713835652837866,0.08655115625424949,0.15382926703473115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797848535877995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532669131422772,0.0,0.08961286659520765,0.0,0.10410647148900648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981957372452434,0.0,0.1983391732849437,0.0,0.0,0.09553427053356243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039463387577207,0.09042822817131027,0.07966951323862233,0.0,0.0,0.1009376640747848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602252721999474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091100598080869,0.0,0.0720159977138559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466918460049716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625500149298234,0.0,0.09426495756371864,0.0,0.17058183209717218,0.0,0.08640972581595664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093423630642968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412338976518438,0.0,0.0,0.07463428909338493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057862716362055,0.13891780531202022,0.0,0.0,0.12772213258903647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869049660712444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885982034837206,0.0,0.0,0.10475710776676417,0.059940867894997876,0.057811945645997,0.0,0.0716278392498665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936907438556714,0.0,0.0,0.07161567297652198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073196021915833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620269533871527
ptsd,LeftHomeland,2018/02/04,"Not knowing you have trauma It would be so amazing to find out what is wrong with me.  I have been in therapy for three months and my therapist told me I will need to see a trauma/EMDR specialist because of my severe dissociation and lack of emotional regulation.  I am writing here because I'm unable to cope.

I've spent my whole life feeling like there's something wrong with *me*...that I'm messed up...even my church of ten years kicking me out.  People can get angry, like can't you just snap out of it.  Like I'm missing part of my brain.  

Ten years ago I did neurogenic tremoring for a voice class in theatre school...and when I finished it was as if I had been reborn.  What I thought was normal weight of body was just gone...I smiled from the very center of me.  I tried an amateur form of EMDR a couple months ago and noticed I could smell and taste better.

Maybe seeing this trauma/EMDR specialist at 33 will be the hope I've been looking for.  I was hypersexual at a young age for no apparent reason....yearned for sexual approval of adults.  I had about 80% of sex abuse symptoms as a child.  I've never really given this a lot of thought in my life as possible repressed trauma...I just assumed I was mentally ill, hurt in some way from my repressed sexuality even up to the present, and a tempest of a time in a church where I belonged one week and not the next.

When I sense that others perceive something messed up with me or that I'm being rejected it will crumble my brain and I can't function, will dissociate. ",4.102080072245633,5.349068473509933,5.119265502709215,82.80976520168575,71.21854304635761,7.8750150511739925,28.627934978928355,8.296473431620573,1.939935099337748,1197,45,237,18,22,393,165,302,0.146,0.763,0.091,-0.9416,1,1,3,0,1,0,42.0,0,2,0,2,11,16,0,2,14,0,27,10,3,0,1,39,45,15,0,7,7,0,2,3,0,5,4,1,0,2,11,13,2,2,7,0,1,0,6,10,0,4,16,8,30,6,42,20,6,31,2,3,3,1,6,14,0,6,19,157,41,1,0.0,0.14310076067189903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141226952420753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724883484587267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681726644978648,0.0,0.13415579971978686,0.0,0.2696537083935622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643044861205544,0.13363723408077596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358576460141337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954387715156215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06106837997288584,0.08628297140319295,0.0,0.0,0.11038780887201448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310089410932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995861591934273,0.0,0.0,0.12929406438942212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637577173298713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706164539398088,0.17701633419593193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142209517350256,0.0,0.0,0.10268011794832124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133653100491952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171460929903888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280578198280068,0.0,0.0,0.08955446824478984,0.09315051527190832,0.0,0.12844749899389782,0.0,0.11833562250995147,0.0,0.1375051894560234,0.0,0.0,0.08184148668946317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307895068344016,0.0,0.08373142721356833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615769708402345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737271195806192,0.12417866769177735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223257147928973,0.19248694816355896,0.0,0.0,0.1364434083868219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595976543254392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553334177613096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811879876488112,0.1402311758665077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917665796033505,0.07042592444388635,0.0,0.0,0.11540740998287682,0.0,0.08199952048641722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965351032991802,0.0,0.09586700364359596,0.09687986533248108,0.14707360724322585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348429861229184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579637480754958,0.2641009460153674,0.0,0.1555526011894681
ptsd,FoxySoap,2018/02/05,"Teachers tactics trigger me The semester recently started and I've noticed one of my teachers is very expressive. Today he introduced what he calls ""shock therapy"". For example, if someone answers a question wrong he'll slam his hand on the desk really hard or even take the desk and ram it into the ground. He's a big guy so as you can imagine it's very loud and intense. He said he'll begin to use this method more every class. 
I understand why he uses this method it keeps us attentive. But it really triggers my PTSD to the point where I can't focus in class and just want to run out to go to the bathroom and cry. 
Aggressive men are my main trigger especially being in a room with one. 
I'm not sure what to do or how to confront the situation. I doubt I could ask for a course change because I'm in a tiny college program, we're only 10 students in that course. Also the course change deadline has passed. 
So I was wondering how other people have brought up their PTSD to their teachers, if there's a way I should approach this so it'll be resolved smoothly. I'm scared he won't believe me but I could ask my psychiatrist to write a letter to him. Not sure he'd be willing to change because he said he loves this method. 
Just happy to hear any advice ",3.807262325774911,5.171263106719369,4.85454129394633,83.97480965259001,72.08300395256917,7.69785729144997,29.52132307052216,8.20500826718156,2.054285375494072,998,41,197,15,19,327,152,253,0.079,0.8540000000000001,0.066,0.4202,0,0,3,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,2,1,11,11,2,2,15,0,18,2,1,7,2,41,40,18,0,6,10,0,3,0,0,6,0,4,1,2,13,8,0,1,7,0,0,5,4,6,0,2,4,7,20,5,25,24,2,23,0,0,0,1,30,13,0,7,4,117,33,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622301595494015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511318529224896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088065123196563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223784646332048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450047296232818,0.0,0.0,0.13400029708724362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144709310071515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774559857618783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899216539550745,0.0,0.13064576100217618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855619636524687,0.0,0.10020882457323392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759414718881207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177654741284358,0.0,0.12660972878445426,0.10654341675805204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404966971480178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571590279947216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073445066592984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354095795714725,0.0,0.0,0.16118840820431338,0.09045629118418162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824553415093817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243309243529907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780599574625295,0.0,0.13323569255857085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238706899708018,0.0,0.1174350861123582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22627100359617905,0.0,0.1190758210926348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368920051933422,0.0,0.0,0.1007742023920052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418360949034923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241918019726552,0.0,0.08942517277258588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360138373370323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127375504503696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381671247919945,0.14306552784432358,0.20544526930435256,0.0,0.19626953702589134,0.07015161476566963,0.09440596903659268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073213637498952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289811664276727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003799422350645,0.0,0.0
ptsd,bunnyfurcoat,2018/02/05,"Emotional numbing/detachment during nightmares. Hey y’all— I’m just wondering who else emotionally numbs during nightmares, particularly nightmares that are directly related to trauma, and how you cope with it. I just realized this is what has been happening to me over the past few months since I moved away from the majority of my triggers. I’ll have a nightmare that’s directly tied to my trauma, whether a full-on flashback event or it recreates key parts of the trauma in new situations, and it will be enough to scare me awake, usually screaming or flailing. I don’t *feel* the fear for a while after the nightmare, though— objectively I’m afraid, but the actual sensation of fear is numbed our for at least a half hour before it starts to build up and overwhelm me. 

Is there any way to cope with emotional numbing during nightmares? Or is this something that, in your experience, gets better with the recovery process?",8.958848728246316,9.01897507228916,8.30815261044177,68.34882864792505,60.325301204819276,11.956091030789823,39.52878179384203,11.429527900616536,4.73535689424364,746,35,123,19,9,235,110,166,0.147,0.812,0.042,-0.9288,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,0,1,4,13,0,5,11,0,11,3,0,2,0,18,18,10,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,12,0,1,1,2,11,1,22,15,5,17,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,4,9,84,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.1581569474832587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021316205040704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227010614318678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379096385278408,0.0,0.0,0.14333775028687487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538869407780366,0.5469208299228705,0.0,0.1674616407779501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853556517181802,0.0,0.36474763095606144,0.08194746495495063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846748892134594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433179715205351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960630990472502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936273296559148,0.17225476815305432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652822221840182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550602345348115,0.15471415982608872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226034986697882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340659841779392,0.1821734777946923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476940904261966,0.0,0.0,0.1147139847840535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923295853077066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784972151028726,0.0,0.0,0.12864362743710853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757580086264859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mansonsturtle,2018/02/05,"Recently “diagnosed.” Has anyone experienced negative impact from diagnosis? After a recommendation I explored the possibility of a PTSD diagnosis with my therapist. Following a bit of Q&A and discussion she indicated she felt that this would be a fitting diagnosis as opposed to my current diagnosis of anxiety/depression. 

She said she could update my chart accordingly or leave it as-is...apparently some people are either uncomfortable with the “PTSD” stigma or they avoid the diagnosis for a lower level (general anxiety, as in my case) so that it won’t negatively impact their work/career. An example she gave was active military - supposedly a PTSD diagnosis ends or severely hampers their future career options. 

As a generic corporate computer office guy, I am wondering if I have my diagnosis corrected from the bit more general “anxiety” to PTSD could I be opening myself up for potential negative repercussions down the road? I know HIPAA is supposed to protect you, but her comment that she could hold off caught my ear. 

Has anyone experienced issues with your career or exploring job options related to this? Specifically, not the symptoms or treatment surrounding your PTSD, but the official diagnosis and designation of such?",11.25419786096257,11.830121656862753,12.003511586452769,42.03489304812837,55.470588235294116,16.437789661319073,48.44741532976828,14.811377253095038,8.479672549019607,1014,61,124,46,11,352,126,204,0.084,0.897,0.019,-0.8321,4,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,15,0,14,3,1,0,1,34,21,14,0,5,10,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,7,6,0,4,5,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,5,5,25,0,23,9,5,19,0,0,0,0,18,9,0,10,6,103,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174374303949016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860334871965168,0.0,0.0,0.1700384381143816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654916502620201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912414378151109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472610668022182,0.12341225432595562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769349119725356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674637957713715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203941565583917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690936101189762,0.12066025563911525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682320599576683,0.0,0.0,0.12874725922847585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429585469107481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707552624406166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7106665663073181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005639384120274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566083707128287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736316350602856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637955292766115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411764640515546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186019806655416,0.08851965941511641,0.0,0.0,0.08637472194700904,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwawayptsdpost,2018/02/05,"Heard a weird noise, triggered a flashback of an old home invasion. I survived a really terrifying home invasion ten years ago. The guy threatened my life, threatened to rape me, revealed that he had been the person who I had heard sneaking around in the attic the week before (duplex, had a hidden doorway, some real horror movie shit). The cops that showed up were friendly with him and blamed me for living in a bad neighborhood. Totally fucked up my whole world view.

I never feel safe anymore. When I hear a noise (particularly a creak, or the sound of a door or window swinging open), I am immediately filled with adrenaline, I quickly grab something to use as a weapon, and I go full-on crazy mode while I investigate. It's useful sometimes: about two months ago, I heard a woman screaming outside. I immediately dialed 911, ran out of the house in my underwear with a screwdriver in my hand, and scared the dude away. Then the woman ran off, and I just sat there crying until the cops came by.

My husband and I heard a noise about an hour ago, and I immediately investigated the whole house. Checked all the window locks. It snowed, so I skirted around the house and checked for footprints. None. Just a weird noise. But I won't be able to sleep now, and I feel like I'm going to throw up, and my hands won't stop trembling. I'm having flashbacks and I can't turn them off. I'm going to sit here, quietly, for the next two or three hours, all the lights off, with a knife in my hand. Why? I don't fucking know why. Nobody's here. No one is trying to hurt me. But because of that one asshole ten years ago, every time I hear the tiniest sound at night, my brain screams at me: he's back and he's going to kill you this time!

I also feel like a piece of shit because I have a weird sense of pride around this. When I was a kid, I was the BEST hider in hide-and-seek and manhunt. Like, amazing. Other kids would give up and I'd just be crouching in my little hiding place, brimming with glee, and only realize after an hour or two had passed that they completely gave up on me. My best hiding place ever was in a shadow. I stood in plain sight, in a shadow, up against the wall of a house for an hour while everybody walked past me, searching for me. Years later, that's how I survived my home invasion. I hid in a fucking shadow in plain sight. When he walked into another room, I quietly followed him and then hid again, because I thought he'd be less likely to recheck a room he just went through. I'm so proud of that. Isn't that weird?

This is why I made a throwaway account for this post: because I don't know if anybody will understand what I'm about to say/judge me for it. So, I have PTSD, and really bad anxiety. (After the home invasion, I completely broke down and had to be hospitalized--I've been seeing a therapist for years, and nothing I do makes me feel safe.) But I also really like one aspect of this: I feel so fucking capable. Completely helpless and completely capable at the same time.

I'm helpless because nothing I can do will stop the shakes, the adrenaline, the thought that someone's trying to hurt me--but capable because man, if any dumb motherfucker breaks into my house thinking they're going to find an easy victim, they have another thing coming. I can search and secure my whole house in less than two minutes. I know what I can use as weapons, and where these things are, and I make sure they're always close. I have strategies and plans for if someone does actually break in--where to hide, how to escape, how to defend myself. And because of this, I'm always the first person to step in if I think other people are in danger. I always feel like I'm in danger, so it doesn't feel scary to me to help other people. I've done a few good things because of that, and helped a few people. I really like that about myself, and about my PTSD: I'm always ready. I know that's weird.

But for tonight, it sucks. Tonight, I'm tired and sad and angry. I'm sick of feeling unsafe, and of knowing that I'll probably always feel unsafe.

I really needed to talk about this and I don't think anyone I've spoken to about it understands. Maybe some of you will. Thanks for listening.

TLDR: had a home invasion years ago, had some flashbacks tonight, have weird love/hate relationship with my PTSD",4.159556356736244,5.429037024705885,4.833009487666036,84.83073624288427,71.10588235294121,7.6485768500948765,26.533206831119546,8.049812674583475,1.5270345351043642,3381,109,676,46,62,1086,341,850,0.152,0.737,0.111,-0.9869,3,0,1,0,0,0,131.0,0,2,3,8,36,53,15,3,56,0,47,15,7,10,6,113,116,62,1,6,16,1,13,7,1,6,3,13,11,8,35,46,0,5,24,1,3,18,11,34,0,11,28,31,82,19,104,77,18,116,0,6,4,5,37,48,8,11,53,426,117,0,0.04769654833205012,0.0,0.0465449508622677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140056125656967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762858249377044,0.19843674551544133,0.0,0.0,0.032435288450128635,0.10002797932962924,0.036487728922824585,0.0,0.047302159500533014,0.033350535593756295,0.0,0.0,0.1273801208129932,0.0,0.0,0.04481247723232098,0.0366757015351219,0.07964925114221412,0.2326029852788937,0.0,0.0405862496137953,0.0,0.10010916966260244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053245122134174316,0.0,0.05455214478640672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041086353047045686,0.20003569384539052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239241868539005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041739570866744256,0.04881012883156318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04314425864526512,0.04018639910501362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170512716184912,0.10222327097591276,0.0,0.0,0.043593781079664384,0.04057065964544883,0.0,0.0,0.03685023492493816,0.17637876144415948,0.0,0.04575487531667847,0.13553523792245867,0.0400056017935155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722708168937609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751495289953053,0.0,0.06393998189376895,0.0,0.23921763457944345,0.0,0.1878859694762296,0.3302124774841441,0.10212028294587233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276916389785796,0.0,0.13106387795397187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368948264144003,0.1631148698852672,0.047804471761557873,0.042116926018474235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04304799706725213,0.04513162728607778,0.06367563276282218,0.0,0.04791759365137077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038070929827028116,0.0,0.0,0.03536638622744572,0.03678651847261183,0.0,0.050725820256678544,0.04475997955683432,0.0,0.09153224901524848,0.0,0.0500495040514528,0.0,0.09696124663851063,0.036275374295307285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045531752359880315,0.09920034317380698,0.08329357252382756,0.09966548262833104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045680108758377816,0.0,0.051424946227906006,0.0,0.16726413776382604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428911410519816,0.1527781510071624,0.0,0.0,0.05120824297370559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03793020963291804,0.04775256561051379,0.0,0.038007973727714056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097919642890065,0.0,0.0,0.047730994208832415,0.0,0.08082626124119292,0.03671913314853043,0.04717310589798045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975290023130273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04495343233749373,0.0,0.0,0.03833667883616227,0.0,0.043912573470785525,0.0,0.05537936882465172,0.0950624020152637,0.09168606680689996,0.0,0.07573146323899793,0.08343672269369881,0.054820165861986674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476565086760368,0.051880148176631495,0.18637038856350707,0.0993075778455716,0.0,0.12358351105797145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03825929406052603,0.0,0.0,0.044215178155080144,0.12911614843847613,0.1597544786123841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03388225945426262,0.0,0.0,0.15357506666538165
ptsd,thecrystaImethod,2018/02/05,"Is it possible to suffer ptsd from reoccurring nightmares? In my childhood I used to have reoccurring nightmares about being kidnapped (even though I’ve never been abducted, *knock on wood*) and I’d wake up terrified. I’m 17 now, making 18 this month :) , and although the nightmares have stopped completely I still get extremely anxious when groups of people approach me or if I’m traveling alone. I haven’t been diagnosed and I’m not claiming ptsd but I’m just wondering if that might be the case? Can you recommend any exercises to help me break free of this? It’s affecting my social life greatly...",4.751181818181816,7.327334481818184,5.327272727272729,76.46090909090911,72.36363636363637,9.127272727272727,32.81818181818181,9.642632912329526,3.672927272727272,483,24,81,13,10,155,81,110,0.081,0.7829999999999999,0.136,0.8517,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,10,4,1,3,1,16,18,10,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,2,1,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,8,3,10,13,0,13,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,5,7,51,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550359007481534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149855686857166,0.0,0.0,0.23506622431507995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21816332884511405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119237441951894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743198465213968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087109234850815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940410570501116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946870209096324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469699639866669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889209213424986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073535098281694,0.0,0.0,0.1660839747872744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048074565752726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442534357966642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23457399769902704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864585300017266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21210689108653705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661694589747504,0.17396053539286085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044332402668229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971052828610154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256491340604801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sonofabiscuits,2018/02/05,Whats up with attachment? So I'm diagnosed ptsd and bipolar 2. My therapist thinks ptsd is where a lot of my problems are. Does anybody have problems attaching themselves to people? Like if i dont talk to people for a while its like they start fading away. Im like this with my family too. I want to be able to have friends and connect with people but i dont know how. Its like im always ready for people leaving. Will this ever go away?,0.375,2.79365416666667,2.2816666666666663,92.0625,90.66666666666666,5.222222222222221,20.833333333333336,6.816661863887847,0.6036666666666668,345,12,71,5,12,114,60,90,0.041,0.768,0.19,0.8857,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,1,15,14,7,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,13,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,8,46,12,0,0.14769252639094374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289201335887355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27752398056992283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990480538355092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292467251270868,0.0,0.3461890819472917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133596345677319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392313695831422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410687952249085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393706632357964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31906654533398626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116795001121371,0.0,0.0,0.15638506033068375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886204326277914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255629044028562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095656063045605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826436028895168,0.3452893195955157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453753034877147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870965821957333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148240654036276,0.0,0.09463540734847874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711287864678957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Wytch78,2018/02/05,"I need to go back to the doctor but just plaint don't wanna I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago (after dealing with symptoms for over a year and a half).  Due to a shortage of therapists in the area, my Psychiatrist wanted to do my therapy treatment himself.  I went to a couple of sessions and then stopped, because at the last session the guy wanted me to whip out my iPad and use the voice recorder to record everything that happened that day.  He said it would be like putting the trauma in an ice cube so I could deal with it.  Eh?  I just... didn't want to do that...  I changed the subject and we chitchatted about other issues I'm having for the rest of the appointment.  It just felt wrong somehow, and invasive.  I felt like he was trying to satisfy his own curiosity about my troubles, despite my visible uncomfortableness.  

Anyway, I went to the grocery store yesterday and collapsed into a crying mess while trying to put my food away.  I didn't get all the shopping done, even.  My husband went with me today to get the rest of what we needed, and even then I had to take a half a xanax to even get into the car to go.

I really need to see my doctor here.  Should I call and ask for someone else?  He's in a group of people.  The problem is that because of what happened to me (police brutality/stalking) the general public think the police are the good guys and are not understanding when I give them explain that's not always the case.  My doctor was almost treating my fear of police as a phobia instead of what it truly is... PTSD!

This is my first post here.  I appreciate any insight or experience y'all may have with seeking treatment.

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ptsd,downgrades,2018/02/05,"nightmares i have horrible vivid nightmares every night. sometimes they're trauma related, but most of the time they're about murder, torture and such depraved things that I can't talk about to anyone. every morning i wake up drenched in sweat, and sometimes vomiting. i have no idea what to do. it's ruining my life. it's gotten to the point where i become scared of people close to me because of their actions in my dreams. i'm so fucked up right now and they just consume me ",3.2890458937198086,5.7828635326086975,3.53144927536232,87.95074879227055,76.71739130434783,5.828019323671497,26.52657004830918,6.937597516519254,1.302090338164251,383,15,70,4,9,118,65,92,0.29600000000000004,0.6709999999999999,0.033,-0.9837,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,7,6,3,1,2,0,4,5,2,0,0,8,7,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,1,11,0,13,6,1,12,0,1,1,1,3,8,1,1,3,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021654065201405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839670036257602,0.26885661425642304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102116931637663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250532269047901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748103059349417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194647970377971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284487713368409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876829657971346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301262858433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789353819209824,0.0,0.0,0.24372251841741696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815300716950777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956651290721849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172846931368412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419498472554434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,anonptsd01,2018/02/06,"Is it possible to have PTSD and not really remember the precise cause / causes? Years ago I was diagnosed by a therapist as having PTSD. Actually, this was almost ten years ago I received this diagnosis. 

At the time, I was in disbelief and thought the guy was a quack. I've never been in combat, never been in a major accident and never had anything extremely traumatic happen to me. Now like may children of my generation (1980s) I was beaten quite a bit by my dad which I know is messed up, and then I was intensely bullied in childhood for several years. But that's the worst of it. I don't think my childhood was exceptional, just frustrating. 

But after speaking with people close to me, and going through the checklist of symptoms, it was undeniable. So I accepted the diagnosis. Eventually I got a prescription for Wellbutrin and it helped me manage many of my symptoms somewhat for the past decade. 

Lately I've been going through some stressful external events and a month ago due to lack of sleep + stress I had a bit of a freakout with somebody I've been seeing. While my behavior was forgiven, trust was rattled, and it made me rethink about my old diagnosis. Lately I've taken extremely low doses of Xanax (.25 mg) during stressful moments  take the edge off and it's been helpful. And being able to have stress-free moments is helping me think clearly.

And sadly, the only conclusion I can make is that PTSD has robbed my life of friendships and opportunities, and will very likely put me in the grave one day if I don't manage it better. 

But it's frustrating because its (1) incurable and (2) I can't even determine what the f--- gave me PTSD.

I want to conquer this, but the last thing I want is to start adding benzos to wellbutrin to do it. It's just temporary. 

I've heard of meditation -- it does not work. Not for me anyway.

Frustrating. Is there anybody else who has this illness but doesn't even know why? 
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ptsd,Lv99Venusaur,2018/02/06,"What is ptsd. Please help. I used to have violent anger attacks when I would either curl up into a ball or hit things or bash my head into walls. These actions would activate once a certain level of frustration or stress was met, and I haven't had one since I was a kid until last week. I physically can't control it and I don't know what it is. My face goes numb, like pins and needles, my ears ring so loudly I can barely hear, and I just freak out, hitting myself against things to make it stop. My counselor told me it could be a form of PTSD or panic attacks but I don't know anything about that. Do any of you guys know what this is. It doesn't feel just emotional, I can feel similar physical sensations each time. ",2.798061224489796,4.3833351496598665,3.797023809523811,89.65839285714287,75.05442176870748,7.07687074829932,24.494897959183675,7.793537801064563,1.1227918367346938,565,18,121,8,12,182,97,147,0.153,0.7979999999999999,0.048,-0.8983,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,5,11,5,2,4,0,19,4,3,3,1,29,31,12,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,2,1,4,0,2,13,8,0,2,5,1,0,1,5,9,0,1,5,6,17,2,12,20,3,13,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,4,7,82,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167230158171898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351355222213121,0.0,0.0,0.3736381126108501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841818618342312,0.1311128675048782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472055038380134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16606477575012646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259935278052284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853267595723284,0.0,0.18508301942807392,0.0,0.1100703166575708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707459487129211,0.13385770634751207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022749213097591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961524939465216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748843522866226,0.11127680266102533,0.0,0.0,0.1926717320138443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025951648784735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38391871176333137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358409171685089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729167138964446,0.18810852006548084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181952174970105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575549044335213,0.0,0.0,0.1569151307699548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182963244505745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172392257895232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333082316726835,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Saffy_,2018/02/06,"Recent Diagnosis - Guilt Hello everyone. I was diagnosed with PTSD last week. My family has been very supported, my friends I've told have been trying but they don't really understand. This isn't really my main issue right now though. Although the flashbacks/nightmare/panic attacks are scary and terrible, the biggest thing that is eating me up inside is the guilt. 

When the incident that triggered PTSD in me happened, I felt I caused it and am responsible for it (I verbally taunted my father who has been aggressive towards my mother and brother in the past but never me. He responded by physically attacking me). My symptoms are causing me to fall behind school, I am in my last semester of my undergrad degree and I am on track to failing out, I am normally an A student. I am constantly freaking out and unable to see friends that don't know about my diagnosis or make the friends that do feel very uncomfortable. I feel guilty because I feel as if I brought this all on myself because if I hadn't of taunted my father he would not have attacked me. I know rationally this is not true but I cannot shake the feeling. 

Has anyone else experienced this and is willing to give advice. The guilt is eating me up. ",5.753815789473684,7.163840039473687,6.632412280701757,72.89230263157896,67.46491228070175,9.910526315789477,34.42543859649123,10.125756701596842,3.7947491228070183,971,46,165,24,16,322,129,228,0.182,0.735,0.083,-0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,4,16,4,4,10,0,29,4,0,4,3,34,44,16,0,4,8,4,5,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,12,9,2,0,8,0,0,3,8,11,0,0,8,7,33,5,22,34,2,24,0,1,1,0,15,12,0,3,9,127,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741567560170382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401631477633663,0.1231146746543547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100865648651569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649274202934956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468679309258702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984663879555394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195645786550935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459004747619007,0.10037545253442294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481481640647992,0.0,0.0,0.11327298424275113,0.0,0.24301922505213,0.0,0.11536921515301585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784981603967264,0.0,0.0,0.11526519555739233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106254117787873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254123119581574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320698912919381,0.1958873934396241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020548861567968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267220632280024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772799315782645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470310657625793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809133586406141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539508376395311,0.0,0.11864018380466662,0.0,0.0,0.1026131119678998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160493208684647,0.09574928341829048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635232840426892,0.0,0.12488875359959005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982673090467844,0.0,0.11805328635296627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481481640647992,0.0,0.0815784696274205,0.0,0.0,0.12508729727133844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828361964779234,0.0,0.0,0.0963824069293617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535582787389395,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lifesucks88,2018/02/06,"Have I got PTSD? I just want to start by saying I know this isn’t an official diagnosis, but I am currently dealing with anxiety / depression, but I feel like there is something else.

As a child I lived with my mother who was an alcoholic and we would regularly get into physical fights, after that the emotional abuse would start, I don’t want to go too deep. I also want to say that I don’t mean to disrespect anyone, as I know people have been through way more traumatic things than me, but it’s just I can’t sleep anymore without either thinking A) about my childhood or (rarely) hearing my mum shout, even thought I don’t live there anymore, or B) Anxiety about the next day. Are the reoccurring memories part of PTSD? Any help is appreciated.

I also want to say again I feel guilty and sorry if I am just overreacting and being offensive to anyone, please let me know. 


(Also worth noting I lost my old throwaway which is why this account is new)",3.901702898550724,5.753973445652175,5.0983478260869575,80.35824637681159,72.69565217391305,8.602318840579711,28.027536231884056,9.21078282632365,2.466584492753624,750,29,143,17,15,248,116,184,0.197,0.6859999999999999,0.117,-0.969,1,0,2,0,2,0,23.0,1,0,0,1,13,5,2,0,7,0,20,2,1,0,0,32,39,14,0,7,11,2,2,1,0,2,1,5,0,1,8,7,1,0,8,0,2,1,6,4,0,0,5,7,23,1,19,30,3,14,0,2,0,0,12,2,0,3,11,100,31,0,0.0,0.1425601660828395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858606647828658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28866087941682983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182209382322697,0.0,0.1840897690125512,0.0,0.2386512910865455,0.1682618396690334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759679505229967,0.12404519447749315,0.10363190562557384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051237278149856,0.13534441388334162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947058253720815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167536147911133,0.08595701850644008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286251660692134,0.0,0.06838093621825532,0.0,0.09623132810015436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560999429789755,0.0,0.08064832236055924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837506798081192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230359051025757,0.0,0.0587825386901269,0.0,0.2124904840928486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134408374794604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106434228594202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162063282285593,0.12796226032285024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625616764902572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302954207137656,0.0,0.08341511333603648,0.0,0.0,0.1320758223990313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28129654721412245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870511704643383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040743502052928,0.0,0.0,0.09262863076448777,0.0,0.13468899482232555,0.17032699636263438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993562103112603,0.07709654431974147,0.0,0.09552106959121212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28387268983506664,0.09550484495767604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085705735577716,0.0,0.0,0.11598470784155834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709445202728635,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,a-gay-guy,2018/02/07,"How to befriend my roommate after trauma Hey guys
I live with a roommate and I struggle to communicate with him: he reminds me a lot of  the guy that raped me 2 years ago.

I really want us to be friends but every time I see him, i got a huge adrenaline rush and I just wanna run away. It's like my brain is shouting ""get the fuck out"".

The thing is, he's often out, (with friends I guess) and I don't have much oportunities to talk to him.
He probably thinks I'm a douchebag since every time I see him, i try to find an excuse and leave suddenly. Once, I even looked at him, thought of something to say but it didn't come out because I was too terified.

Also, I'm gay and he's so handsome so I guess it adds up to me being affraid of him.
Since my trauma, I'm kinda terrified by guys in general, I don't trust them and feel like they're all predators.

Another thing, I know he's sad about something but I got no idea what. I've heard him crying two times this week and I really didn't know what to do. But he usually looks so confident in everyday life that I really see him as the tough guy that never needs anyone. That's why when I hear him crying, I just stay in my room waiting for him to stop, not knowing what to do. I wish I could help him but he scares me a lot.

Also, I'm French and he's an exchange student from the US. We usually talk in French but I wonder if he would not be more comfortable talking in english.
.
Do you know what could I do to make the situation any better?",1.0222046413502106,2.84429031329114,3.1186329113924067,91.46455274261606,80.99367088607596,6.491814345991561,22.24219409282701,7.554174236665415,0.7958252320675103,1153,37,262,18,30,391,163,316,0.168,0.7120000000000001,0.12,-0.9459,0,0,2,0,0,0,35.0,3,1,1,1,13,16,2,2,13,0,18,5,1,2,2,58,49,23,0,8,11,0,1,2,2,1,1,4,1,4,14,17,0,2,10,0,1,3,8,8,0,1,7,10,48,8,36,36,5,31,0,1,5,3,40,13,1,8,16,166,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129085378276525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667273832783725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062362471393847374,0.09616057537332644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412219287437436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615976496663376,0.0,0.0,0.05590245111386153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110552483591192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237298832904897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789956445281355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643778866068946,0.0,0.20146703591342066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057021641167251,0.0,0.15453065376381486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046368748922330234,0.06551399331443884,0.0,0.0,0.08381661010076304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417019444668387,0.08477969513016619,0.04791202119703685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466895593946348,0.0,0.20204655532856775,0.363209044420498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335807842308904,0.0,0.06146785618854996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352366094110052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20159444186201114,0.0,0.0,0.09710223970349632,0.0,0.0,0.06477387739993999,0.08960475627623554,0.0,0.08097709992813303,0.0,0.15401802596908112,0.0,0.0,0.15592843990866948,0.0,0.0,0.061213727646699564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741364747048338,0.06799801558120858,0.07072846629543061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097662717273944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887338424626246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762455065526252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292741104591915,0.09181259514455392,0.0,0.21923077804383792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171846896763366,0.10308014112228472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119781262947395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977452133658928,0.0,0.0766693961562604,0.0,0.09586986459899503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112675590333486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184931103505756,0.058760792043426414,0.0,0.07280344087455587,0.1604215803470535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226160213967239,0.0,0.08958235444184738,0.0,0.220619387993038,0.0,0.20199996558747135,0.0,0.05408992141407555,0.0,0.07356013297266935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274940143108532,0.0,0.1054561002608048,0.0,0.09945004372704437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514452428022073,0.0,0.0,0.05905494391673944
ptsd,FajitadeFetus,2018/02/07,"Some progress? Maybe? Today my therapist explained something to me that kind of made sense. She explained that I have an emotional mind, a logical mind, and somewhere in between the two, I have a wise mind? Has anyone else been explained something like this? I still don’t full understand how I’m supposed to think with the two minds combined or whatever to get to the wise mind, when the emotional and logical mind are constantly at war with each other. Help?",5.204285714285714,7.492936571428577,4.823333333333334,81.85500000000002,70.19047619047619,8.609523809523811,33.42857142857143,9.23628265651192,3.2621142857142864,368,18,64,8,7,112,59,84,0.043,0.7559999999999999,0.201,0.9092,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,7,0,6,0,0,2,0,22,14,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,6,4,10,12,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,44,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050735749741556,0.132626429780732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987850084346934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813039099230536,0.29120483353118065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762698274214744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676080753439296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347916921098378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323777577016597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247912222392852,0.0,0.0,0.13003973404950153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7841841372435489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992982512395648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337083684050906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028965031471178,0.0,0.08293983368168731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226938492361604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528878634831804,0.13475145586498868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,natatatt27,2018/02/07,"Day 2 quitting weed, a lot of emotions (x-posted to r/leaves) Hi everyone. So it’s day 2 for me. I started smoking two years ago to self-medicate PTSD. I believe it has turned into an addiction, with me forgoing food and rent in lieu of buying weed (I don’t have a lot of money so I can’t afford this). I think it did help, but has turned into something uncontrollable at this point. I know I can manage my traumas without weed and with healthy coping skills. Today I’m feeling the weight of anger towards people who have hurt me, who have taken away my basic rights as a human being to my own thoughts and feelings. I realized just now fully that when high, it distracts me and I don’t think about all that stuff.

I’m still trying to rebuild my identity. I feel very very very small. I also don’t eat a lot because of stress and have at times gotten to under 100 pounds, which makes me feel so small and weak and powerless in this world. Completely vulnerable. I feel like certain people have taken advantage of me, and shoved me deeper and deeper into the ground, abusively controlling and judging me when no one has any right to make another person feel like this; like everything that I think, do, like, don’t do, don’t like is wrong. I lived with someone who corrected everything I did, gaslighted me, etc. There are a handful of people I got away from but never got the chance to really stand up for myself.

So now I’m looking at this life I have, no money, no car, no place of my own, underemployed…and I just think…it’s been years of being a doormat and look where it’s gotten me. I’m a people pleaser and never make a fuss with people, I’ve become mute in a lot of situations. I’ve been admitted to the behavioral health clinic several times against my will even though I was not violent and I’m literally just a tiny girl. I’ve been condescended to in those places, belittled, threatened, etc.

All of this is coming up and I feel frustrated. I don’t necessarily feel angry at these people, because they have their own problems and if they were happy people, they wouldn’t treat others the way they do. But I feel a sense of wanting to be strong, wanting to build my life, and wanting to finally have my confidence back. I have been made to feel like garbage for how I chew, for how I walk, for how I do almost anything and even though I’m not in that abusive situation anymore, I still act and feel like they are right over my shoulder and I don’t have any say in my own life. As if all my thoughts are stupid.

I do not like to feel this, I don’t like to feel angry. It makes me feel ugly and petty. I know how hard life is, even for the people who have hurt me, and I want to feel nothing but graciousness and forgiveness towards them. I guess being clear-headed today is just bringing up a lot of emotions and I’m so grateful I can share my thoughts here. I hope I will one day feel confident and strong and like my thoughts do matter. By taking care of myself, I hope I can get there. I wish wellness and recovery towards everyone here, thank you for reading :cherry_blossom:

Maybe I’m angriest at myself for letting these people have the hold on me that they did have or do have. Maybe I’m angriest at myself for hurting myself in response to their abuse instead of building.",4.046187468095969,5.336630607963247,4.9670798238897405,83.68159472307299,71.40428790199081,7.891896375701889,27.53984813680449,8.344100000000001,1.833460464522716,2589,91,511,40,48,844,269,653,0.166,0.6679999999999999,0.16699999999999998,-0.6528,4,0,1,0,1,1,77.0,0,1,9,6,34,37,4,3,20,0,60,14,2,10,7,112,125,49,0,11,15,0,19,10,0,3,8,1,1,3,28,34,4,2,28,1,4,5,20,14,1,3,20,22,80,23,79,97,14,67,0,3,2,0,23,39,0,12,31,359,108,2,0.0,0.18631560044835546,0.0,0.05714192333434314,0.0,0.0,0.046464228359481184,0.0,0.05248773816925072,0.0,0.0,0.041917603830235184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129028610398658,0.05496346422028383,0.0,0.0,0.05198326645552046,0.0,0.0,0.04313446533077483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849440148598022,0.04030519505820659,0.0,0.06390544897831771,0.05789011009971232,0.0,0.05905565405235817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344230345747966,0.0,0.0,0.04515233259289346,0.054957896656191135,0.0,0.058789768990830674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141327595421123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363535430476275,0.0,0.11792343042657255,0.0,0.0,0.11691691836771632,0.1038621777053531,0.0,0.0,0.10017277702876508,0.09421747275186976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240552118058584,0.18723245017442486,0.0,0.0574199159997232,0.0,0.0,0.06338246322151284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02738555434554196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384482224627629,0.0,0.057742887724618115,0.0,0.0,0.05579853556510817,0.046955053819942,0.0,0.05379464073313428,0.05571648473906097,0.0,0.0,0.035133798869240764,0.05538110527877322,0.0,0.10412319007029537,0.0,0.0,0.16833943529032558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057613678211020036,0.0,0.0,0.05550170074307783,0.0,0.05359961146176176,0.14809381824344614,0.2560814448351484,0.0,0.04628489292293555,0.0,0.08803362736511355,0.0,0.0,0.2228139545383307,0.0,0.049597934461258215,0.13995417628222048,0.0,0.1053192101581956,0.0,0.05822312022442841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085395727910302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029522267137821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103780423685647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270521637574478,0.045768227288751545,0.1095285584123955,0.0,0.04955070962695588,0.0,0.05020069464856357,0.0,0.0,0.0501556882458847,0.061272299430162214,0.0,0.0,0.0557515962933544,0.05243086941589797,0.0,0.033579470435372294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429068704422026,0.0,0.04168385153831105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054682033813573484,0.059215933913627276,0.0,0.0,0.1178370995889043,0.0,0.0,0.044412486861800604,0.040352924742353115,0.0,0.0,0.03710079922960224,0.0,0.08372006424813089,0.0,0.06004313524536925,0.0,0.060004563418556915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03941082356997946,0.0,0.0,0.04825824088335208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343459802937193,0.1029982532000219,0.16645197065791134,0.061129180764119134,0.0,0.09936977637851974,0.0,0.0,0.035587488201018765,0.11402860228346785,0.05120348452593641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974776323149978,0.12366687486128185,0.04160592453218818,0.0,0.06382940084773481,0.047128894550988634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06027660058181391,0.05052781357304238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057309416228577964,0.0,0.0675092528179471
ptsd,throughtherabbith0le,2018/02/07,"The monster that is PTSD rearing it’s ugly head So a brief overview, I have a longstanding history of depression and anxiety, and after experiencing a trauma in 2015 and getting a PTSD diagnosis in 2017 things agave been improving. I fell apart in 2016 and lost my career and because of my PTSD my marriage broke down. I’ve finally built myself back up, the nightmares and flashbacks aren’t as often, I have just begun a new amazing relationship and I have started a new career. However I feel like my PTSD has been bubbling for a while and I have done the worst thing and pretended to be ok. Last week I had the overwhelming urge to self harm (something I haven’t done for 8 months now) and now I feel it has hit me. The nightmares have started and although I’m taking mirtazipine at nighttime I’m still waking up, and now I’m starting to feel afraid to leave the house on my own again. The overwhelming fear has taken over me again out of nowhere and I don’t know what to do. I thought I was getting on top of things, I was rebuilding my life and had plans, but now I feel like that shell of a person I once was. I just want to shut the world away and hide. Any words or advice would be very much appreciated right now",6.011040564373901,5.917195374485598,6.3299029982363315,80.5952777777778,66.44855967078189,9.576601998824222,32.17195767195767,9.23628265651192,2.5851389770723103,968,36,196,16,14,312,136,243,0.092,0.8270000000000001,0.081,0.0689,2,0,1,1,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,13,14,0,4,16,1,25,3,2,0,0,30,44,21,0,2,4,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,16,0,0,6,1,0,2,3,10,0,0,12,5,25,4,27,28,3,40,0,5,0,0,4,17,0,2,23,136,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165393260616075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110077430490692,0.0,0.09123344387143516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204853650832354,0.09170344815176916,0.0,0.07269968571713259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271831721985636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440884253734044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420046547111916,0.24120541454499264,0.17039849341607985,0.0,0.1306433148916723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461667829207168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239499251125903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760983221655052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554208390540013,0.09721267922035223,0.0,0.1262789406943095,0.0,0.0,0.08423674518429236,0.11652865822957308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301861929290195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519205886598214,0.0,0.0876696975981877,0.0,0.0,0.230363774821685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700782721737192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041330838893394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5576334391454076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804042616568315,0.0,0.10184724358601556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441401276968415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181204399429296,0.0,0.0,0.2532381654742757,0.0,0.09524105465751924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966855043497082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376927963065996,0.0,0.0,0.09467898393087924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840185002723144,0.07034253791946231,0.0,0.09566304235088376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471876182527223,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HighOnDissociation,2018/02/07,"26 yr old, no experience, need to find part time job, on disability For the past twelve years my life has been a big struggle. From middle school to high school I struggled just to show up and get some sort of passing grade. I dropped out and got my ged. 

I have very little support in my life. My current living situation is pretty bad. My ptsd is still really bad. Lots of dissociation, anxiety, and depression. 

But I need to get some sort of part time job. I live in a major city so I have that going for me. My resume is as blank as is gets though. Just even looking for jobs online fills me with tons of anxiety. It's scary, and I feel inadequate. 

I know I'm capable of something. Jobs that involve a lot of people interaction are a no go. I have a hard enough time going to a store on my own accord; it's very overwhelming and draining for me. 

I guess this whole situation feels somewhat hopeless, and I'm afraid of the unknown. It probably doesn't help that I'm too hard on myself. All things considered, I've made a lot of progress. But I'm still in hell. 

If anyone has any sort of feedback I'd appreciate it. ",1.9375030303030307,4.09390672,3.7124141414141434,86.6623181818182,79.57777777777778,6.935353535353537,23.560606060606066,8.00094639256281,1.2807333333333335,872,30,183,16,22,292,132,225,0.17800000000000002,0.762,0.06,-0.9735,5,0,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,1,4,9,0,12,2,0,1,1,31,32,13,0,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,4,1,1,5,3,9,0,0,3,5,21,1,30,29,14,27,1,3,1,0,3,12,1,11,9,113,30,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029791221247142,0.0,0.1581617606757558,0.0,0.0,0.07228155306876838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262606044628068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903593471730098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068130475830158,0.0,0.06827759806225761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111967605017866,0.0,0.0,0.1045380713204285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448202688438832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202605436017053,0.0,0.17624959812185614,0.0,0.08267768690311653,0.0,0.11387819221931288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852057233464557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928945985706741,0.1092203802194905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103312530030685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056811685216246875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460323250618194,0.0,0.1036079751356192,0.1825623948100953,0.0,0.08680818308445681,0.0,0.0,0.2636548119838156,0.0,0.0978150441868536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330112560040926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847369671142257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388808741101174,0.09868224650433652,0.07166656388870665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051685924867864,0.1114547311955865,0.0,0.1208387555105334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622407606455312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924015473563792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323935709891847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958240921958577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651093311184919,0.0,0.0,0.2161380450379836,0.0,0.0,0.11730766920497197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686771385004611,0.0,0.10156449857602896,0.0,0.18083475398211532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705888673455134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541345706760088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656951160503477
ptsd,thr0vvavvay000,2018/02/07,"Need Advice: GF with severe PTSD and Roommates My girlfriend of (almost) 3yrs has PTSD, extreme anxiety, and deals with pretty severe depression. After 2yrs, I finally got her to a doctor so she could start an anti-depressant regiment. I didn’t just push her to do it, thinking it would change everything. When we began dating, we had known each other for a few months (work), and anxiety was apparent. I learned of her PTSD and Depression shortly into the relationship. I deal with depression myself, so I wasn’t about to give up on someone for things they can’t control. I was clear with her of my goal for her in our relationship: to be happy and healthy.

Her family life is almost non existent, and she has moved around most of her life. She severed ties with (some of) the abusive relationships in her life about 2 years ago. We moved in together because we spent most of our time together and we wanted to save money. It’s been almost 2 years living together (after only 8-10 months of dating). Cracks are beginning to show.

We have two roommates, who I like very much. She always got along with them until recently. Our apartment is 2 couples, M-F / M-F. It’s a two bedroom, so yes, it gets a little cramped, even though its a big place, one bathroom is a constant pest. 

Lately (past 6 months), the girl living with us has made it clear about keeping things clean, using our own appliances.. usual passive-aggressive roommate stuff. I’m used to it, I do NOT take it personally from the girl, we still chat in a very friendly way frequently, and I’m good friends with her boyfriend. I see these grievances as small troubles, roommates setting boundaries, etc.

We have lived with this couple for the entirety of us living together. Problems just started to arise about 6 months ago. The girl would get pissed at messy bathroom, moldy stuff in fridge, etc. NEVER became vocal about these problems. Began to show some passive aggressive behavior: Slamming bathroom door, leaving notes, sending TWO texts, JUST TWO over a few months.

I see this stuff as normal, my girlfriend is losing her mind. The slamming of bathroom doors led to her having flashbacks of her shitty father. I spoke with the roommate, and explained the situation. It stopped happening. The girl asked that my GF start using her own electric kettle due to overlapping morning schedules. My GF’s electric kettle was given to her by one of her attackers at her last apartment. That was hard to explain to girl, so we gave it away to avoid more triggers for my girlfriend.

Now, my girlfriend is being triggered by the girl loudly doing her own dishes. This, I had to make a stand on. They were not my gf’s dishes. She had no dogs in the fight. Yet she blamed her INCREDIBLE anger where she stormed into our room and stayed for the night, on loud dish-doing. 

My girlfriend is not a clean person. I can deal with it, try to get her to clean, but it is not my roommates’ fault that she is this way. 

The girl left a note on a tupperware container tonight saying ‘PLEASE DISPOSE’ and my girlfriend lost it. Inside? A month of veggie smoothie mix that had a lump of mold in it so large that I couldn’t wash it down the sink, I had to pick it out and trash it.

My girlfriend? Threw a fit and LEFT IT OUT on the counter. Walked away from it. Meanwhile the moldy cup in the living room I asked her to clean will start a fight if I bring it up. 

The note? She wrote 'FUCK OFF' on it, then threw it away out of regret(?). Left it for me (I guess?) to clean, like everything else.


This escalation between the girl and my GF is getting out of hand. We are moving in 6months. I believe that my GF is overreacting and its unnecessary anger, stress, and confusion adding to the situation. 

I have stood by my GF for almost 3 years. I have read about PTSD, slowly pushed her towards treatment (finally got her to the Dr for anti-depressants, she hadn’t been to a Dr in many many years). I have tried (slowly) to get her to therapy.. we made a few appointments that she canceled (a while ago). 

I feel like my GF isn’t trying. She is being overloaded. She is also being selfish and rude when that is in NO WAY the person I knew years ago. I have been patient with her conditions. I have tried nothing but to help her. I have made stands on some things (almost exclusively cleaning, especially our room that looks like a disaster area, due to her). I’m approaching the end of my rope. Completely ignoring me begging her for years to clean, explaining that it stresses me out the way her triggers do, is starting to really piss me off and make me feel like she doesn't care about my happiness if it means an ounce of work for her. 

**TL;DR** My GF is freaking out over my roommate’s recent actions. I believe it is a completely irrational response. I have taken triggers into consideration, but believe she is being selfish and closing off. I have tried to help her as much as possible, but I have my fears that if this is how she acts now, what will our future (on a different coast we’re moving to) hold. That fear has me questioning our future, viability, health, etc.

Any input would help. I can’t possibly say I fully understand PTSD, but I have tried for years to help her, and plan to continue. I feel insensitive when claiming a trigger or her anxiety in certain situations if irrational, but I truly feel this has been. I can give more specifics about her PTSD. Apologies for throwaway, want to protect her privacy. 

Thanks
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ptsd,ptsdfreakoutaccount,2018/02/07,"Nightmares are getting worse... The nightmares are getting worse. I'm afraid to fall asleep at this point. The screaming has been getting worse and I'm walking up hoarse. Last night I reached a new low. I actually was so stressed out in my dream that dream me dissociated completely, but when I came back around... I'd embroidered my face. Like with a needle and thick embroidery thread. I was sitting in the mirror cutting out the stitches, pulling out the threads, I could feel the string pulling in my skin as I tried to pull it out, and I'm thinking, ""I need to check myself into the hospital. How did I do this to myself? Wtf is happening?"" Then my mother tried to shoot me to death (I was waiting for it) because I'd publicly blamed her for knowing what was happening and letting all my childhood abuse happen. I wrestled the gun away and killed her instead. I mean, good for me for sticking up for myself, but I shot dream mom and dissociated in my dream to the point that I didn't remember SEWING MY FACE. Fucking terrifying. It felt so vivid and so real... I've never dissociated in a dream before and that was creepy too. I lost it and cried for hours after waking up. I'm in therapy and on meds, but life had thrown me some really messed up curveballs lately with my health and it is really affecting me mentally. I don't know what to do anymore. ",3.447217059409226,5.547644767175576,4.21062396282775,85.16366578161303,74.61068702290076,7.15194158645868,27.8035180882841,8.04050195162591,1.81779402588782,1067,43,208,17,23,341,140,262,0.206,0.7290000000000001,0.065,-0.9928,0,0,0,2,1,1,38.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,3,2,12,0,19,8,5,2,2,39,40,21,2,2,3,2,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,12,20,0,1,7,5,1,6,3,9,0,0,12,6,33,2,37,26,2,41,0,2,1,1,5,23,1,1,12,139,45,0,0.0,0.14998051183332875,0.12352704125878865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255366199771612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268597450936975,0.0,0.0,0.11892917752487978,0.09733474443082256,0.0,0.07716400497576825,0.0,0.10771306527787204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477757339837832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327201820450375,0.0,0.0,0.10106646513440684,0.0,0.1390458115156036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640043200480639,0.0,0.12153981922646002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702422141640448,0.1984036496637912,0.0,0.0,0.10617206661048116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335811583294822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455212894587176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124659052558225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004566693584644,0.0,0.13913374284110985,0.10318228461473587,0.1427914763495961,0.0,0.0,0.12944000086558838,0.08940952853406135,0.061842206570415365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818062540239834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788632322244732,0.14060551050120534,0.0,0.12756619401987726,0.0,0.0,0.1482528314524348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385991326147243,0.09762884482529924,0.12225494024651727,0.0,0.118789852369182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932426829546544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440795083836333,0.16218500708056155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433942033311006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500074284452247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475903576820942,0.0,0.0,0.0811094676400466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188350355226908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869975920420416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,washingtonwriter,2018/02/07,"Looking for guests for a new podcast willing to talk openly about their experiences with PTSD. I'm in the early stages of starting a podcast that features people talking frankly about what it's like to live with various mental illnesses.

I want to give people a voice to speak about their experiences and help others understand what it can be like to have a mental disorder.

If you're interested, please comment or PM me, and I'm happy to provide more details.
",9.919,8.678197811764711,9.356323529411764,65.83095588235295,59.11764705882353,11.794117647058822,42.42647058823529,10.686352973137794,4.709882352941174,374,18,60,7,4,120,61,85,0.065,0.74,0.195,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,9,11,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,4,15,9,2,6,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,2,5,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335109270131501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986059808925084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545202946554688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689173935817527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656685914486594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990803142954932,0.0,0.17991172761780932,0.0,0.17109558851190185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41065672470856096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677945919297693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825040794422429,0.0,0.0,0.223652268343177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381685372795509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421268936525145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275271380213103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121070978435112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201748545817827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,StarkofWinterfell94,2018/02/07,"Do Neuropsychologists treat PTSD? I've been looking for a new psychiatrist/someone to help with the medication aspect of my treatment for a few months. Today, I learned that my insurance only covers four people and they're all Neuropsychologists at the hospital down the street. 

Has anyone else been treated by a neuropsychologist for PTSD? In my limited research it seems like they mostly treat conditions like Alzheimer's, MS, Parkinson's, and traumatic brain injuries. I've never had any other brain injuries, so I don't really know how much they'd be able to help me. All the descriptions I find of brain injuries include physical trauma and very little that seemed similar to PTSD.  

I guess what I'm asking is what are the pros and cons of seeing a Neuropsychologist rather than a Psychiatrist? My mom is breathing down my neck insisting that these two doctors are interchangable, but I'm not so sure. Really I just feel lost and stuck in a massive rut. ",7.720100422832985,8.93724163372093,7.453530655391122,69.47455602536999,62.8953488372093,10.673150105708244,34.24101479915433,10.637119530657019,3.875446511627908,779,32,127,19,11,247,112,172,0.093,0.841,0.066,-0.7503,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,2,5,8,0,0,11,0,12,7,5,1,4,24,24,9,0,1,4,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,3,13,6,17,17,5,11,0,1,2,0,6,7,0,4,6,80,21,3,0.13700407778789778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931674709657826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579643669277328,0.1403768680865667,0.0,0.0,0.12808031854064186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4588255823406028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022947897576266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444932701250275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927337824150245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521924505999593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092543765967475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366189083842596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529385818605919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133866544127785,0.1373140782061352,0.0,0.0,0.11504891998312645,0.0,0.1495561349915045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801719481130134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604575200684268,0.10935534779515492,0.0,0.10071376106533547,0.0,0.10566599082351293,0.13231939205399704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041977747978848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498137711597543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804513060732814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553664084167314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917451201920736,0.24944673380959245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608311051464895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912472193843272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986384627658734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383307652766768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304271240276785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,the_real_real_world,2018/02/07,"Anyone familiar with the Havening technique? I recently found a new therapist who got rave reviews. It seems her and all the therapists who train under her use this technique. Apparently, it's intended to help with trauma/PTSD as well as phobias and fears etc. Prior to meeting her I had never heard of it. I've done some research and if I'm being totally honest it kind of seems like quackery. Any ""therapy"" involving touch kind of signals alarm bells for me though. It's been a while since I've been in this sub, but I was just wondering if anyone has had any experience with this technique? Thanks!",3.7551246983105377,6.347410610619472,4.602204344328238,80.3639340305712,75.63716814159292,8.002896218825423,28.85679806918745,8.841846274778883,2.7057858407079656,481,21,84,11,11,155,78,113,0.05,0.843,0.107,0.7468,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,4,0,8,0,0,2,3,20,17,10,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,9,2,7,6,13,7,4,7,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,6,6,57,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322314649022869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387844877076519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747363483147675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190431184304628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702608769234248,0.0,0.19214101809778367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721836366742975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365642288650862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445000469046833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556193224248564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341973685112633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316927871118686,0.16491123958363876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959740144460467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685948472433953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108884453296369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124601508561224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720349273954706,0.19526729947543184,0.3965074017235046,0.0,0.0,0.1677608306139212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747302080617514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535245938673468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851708954370158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ayahuascatea,2018/02/07,"I watched a coworker die today and it gave me such bad flashbacks. They all told me I sounded calm on the 911 call and during cpr, but now I'm home alone and I can't breathe. He had a family, a wife, children, and my other coworkers were so fucking disrespectful making fun of his name and shit. I'm so mad at them and I'm just reminded of the other 911 calls I had to make. I can't breathe. ",1.6157142857142863,3.0130500952381003,3.6995238095238094,89.91214285714287,77.80952380952381,7.180952380952381,25.095238095238088,7.957251820313856,1.2566380952380949,304,11,70,5,7,104,58,84,0.193,0.733,0.07400000000000001,-0.8845,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,5,6,3,0,5,0,5,4,3,2,1,12,13,9,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,2,11,2,5,8,1,4,0,0,1,1,11,2,2,0,2,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272791761277061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199189674104516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5378996124109834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733563898789302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24829988225234345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24349905701358016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642008276469504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516286520108945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703652130405283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496621497606698,0.251679653230093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,777777777-7777777777,2018/02/07,"Has anyone had any experience with drawing/painting after being diagnosed? I know of some folks who do a lot of paintings, some do finger paintings with smaller canvasses and acrylics. Some people sell their works even.  I'm not saying I'm an artist, but I want to maybe do some beautiful things with all this pain in my head?

Has anyone out there done painting? What do you do with them?",4.590182648401829,6.656049136986304,4.5111643835616455,84.38994292237444,71.32876712328769,7.0584474885844735,27.235159817351605,7.793537801064563,1.6654310502283107,309,11,56,4,6,95,54,73,0.069,0.83,0.101,0.3501,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,10,4,2,0,1,16,14,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,10,11,6,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,5,1,43,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19203157173573224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3949004972250896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28661496269570297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889780299182597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651271506623546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27622684250754953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289808611396922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519148238795194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24007373925944694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836938181331444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004776878534594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577029347403685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245639894115439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876041326618008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655806596580675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557973776323749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DoctorWolfpaw,2018/02/08,"Triggered by sounds of things falling or slamming. Just a minute ago, I pushed my tea pot off the edge of my dresser next to my bed, and so it made some stuff fell, and the sound bringed a bad association with the fights my mom would get into with my dad due to his stupidity and/or him refusing to listen to what she has to say, or just being very nasty. During those fights, my mom gets angry and loses it, and will violently throw things and slam doors and just scream at him. And this still happens every once a month or so. I've witnessed this happening ever since I was very young. And I'm also very sensitive to any act of aggression due to my mom.

Just had to write this down to get this off my chest. I can't possibly be the only person who feels the same way.",6.525961538461541,5.409785185897436,6.613717948717952,82.37711538461541,65.73076923076923,9.851282051282054,29.115384615384606,8.841846274778883,1.878861538461538,603,15,131,8,8,193,101,156,0.21600000000000005,0.784,0.0,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,5,0,8,0,8,2,1,2,1,27,18,14,0,1,7,4,1,0,0,2,0,5,3,1,12,11,1,1,1,0,0,6,1,8,0,0,3,6,15,0,20,11,2,20,0,1,0,0,16,5,0,4,8,85,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637268875120984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302832828968588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461863180667504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845262177546074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391599558832672,0.12961950679328216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778772974221844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24113012165939926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720860161317008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721111568220499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557012819966253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5405377876624831,0.12279615136568398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361395770180007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638379562476766,0.0,0.11700466400615672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432992293457374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343505997371153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223422644148094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272606608464469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228593551108865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611362417172968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441313376703973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808101835769421,0.0,0.12211354835244227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928577472261318,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,off_my_chest_11,2018/02/08,"Hello Darkness, my old friend I was diagnosed with PTSD back in October. Since starting therapy, things started getting a little better. 

Some moments are tough. Each new celebrity sex/assault scandal is a topic of hot conversation with my family, friends, or random people at the bar. But lately, I’ve been *okay.*

Now. Ugh. Hallucinations are coming back. Triggers. My wrists start to itch. My bruises from rock climbing and martial arts remind me of other, past bruises. Nightmares. 

I had such a fucking nightmare last night. Nightmare on top of nightmare. I feel like I didn’t sleep. I’ve been laying in bed for three hours this morning. I missed my office hours. (Not that students ever show up.) I have a lab meeting and class this afternoon. I can’t. I just want to stay in bed and do nothing. ",1.990005747126436,4.767828468965519,2.7979741379310354,85.76339798850576,95.34482758620688,4.347701149425288,26.04166666666667,6.21433560688645,1.3404770114942526,628,29,103,7,24,197,110,145,0.08,0.8190000000000001,0.102,0.4779,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,1,0,5,1,11,6,3,1,1,17,20,5,0,1,4,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,5,7,1,0,1,4,0,2,3,4,0,1,5,2,14,5,15,15,2,28,0,1,0,1,5,8,1,3,18,65,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637884261116397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517023110574256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775592492168715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409700424839974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515662424192755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617010494080309,0.0,0.0867295586409224,0.12253942271514008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650437501075412,0.15857459412303146,0.08961614338514909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378404645452506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981796849771835,0.19349071612957155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379976972187395,0.17191581672955394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165662520925,0.0,0.16096712626995766,0.0,0.16458545368974645,0.0,0.17998946644221273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637425978289176,0.11891570940364884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050670152547315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188948545150948,0.0,0.17165157464042274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642245654236581,0.18282570506024867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615687303660495,0.0,0.11395538172134848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101171481228077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,oddlyqueer,2018/02/08,"This is a weird question, but do I have PTSD? Title. I'm super young (15 years old) and already have depression and anxiety that I'm going to therapy for.

A very close friend of mine killed herself in December 2017. She was a sister to me and I'd known her for years. The actual attempt was on the 12th but she didn't actually die until the 16th, she was on life support.


Since then I can't stop thinking about the incident and how I could have stopped it. I keep thinking about her and the first thing I thought on new years was that this would be a year without her. 

It interferes with my life and I intentionally avoid seeing friends that she was close to. I changed my seat for lunch because I used to eat lunch with her there and I don't go there if I can help it. I went there once and was so afraid that I had to get a friend to walk me there. I also get really intrusive memories of the day of her suicide and I can perfectly recall the lunch period on that day.

I don't know if this qualifies as PTSD or if I'm still just normally grieving. Help?",2.1961999034282966,3.9531331926605517,3.607672621921779,89.63324722356354,77.16513761467891,7.525253500724287,24.31772090777402,8.371475516178862,1.384455045871559,828,28,183,16,19,272,118,218,0.125,0.7020000000000001,0.173,0.9293,0,1,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,4,11,12,1,2,12,0,21,6,0,3,1,39,37,21,4,6,8,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,12,13,4,5,6,0,0,4,5,6,0,1,10,1,30,6,24,24,0,27,0,2,1,0,17,7,0,5,16,125,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.2511899341730889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202628774079326,0.10292325477550282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845697606783634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845578236504587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615006328070858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10275838579762077,0.0,0.0,0.16600478851997866,0.0,0.11085117990827337,0.0,0.1335727613219668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316946755458776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947418717720156,0.0,0.0,0.29830544173681506,0.0,0.1344833735482527,0.0,0.1462890683572531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253299815968282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439659774005127,0.1423901256775984,0.0,0.0707314676798092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18181260846252076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430157024696285,0.0,0.0,0.12610101608465404,0.0,0.0,0.13505150822139747,0.13706384494692833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30089241314803944,0.0,0.14417613171361074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245004664015157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255914166682008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064639469729005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278189489706208,0.21520192188508666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077952540505112,0.14604994696746595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718239947720466,0.0,0.085504149079492,0.16493458946073508,0.0,0.1021753214549896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111157542090838,0.0,0.10619295054579576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930840493409503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12406451119413076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914264851963912,0.0,0.0,0.3315204779178532
ptsd,dare-to-move,2018/02/08,"Period intensifies feelings of disgust Does anyone else feel completely disgusted with themselves when they’re on their period? I struggle with feeling disgusting and not feeling clean most of the time, I hate my body but being on my period seems to amplify it by a million. I feel so much more disgusting and so uncomfortable in my skin, I’m constantly over analysing every little thing about myself. 

I haven’t let myself have a period in coming up to nearly a year. I have taken my birth control pills back to back without telling my doctor because I’m not sure what they would say, I finally thought I should give myself a break to make sure everything is still working fine although it took 3 weeks of pms symptoms to finally getting my period which I guess has made it worse as well. 

Everything about my mental health feels so much worse coming up to my period starting and being on it and I know it’s normal for mood changes to happen but I just can’t deal with how intense it feels. 

It took me months to build up to this but here we are, my mood is a million times worse and the disgust I have for myself is feeling quite unbearable, I want to cut. I know it’s a normal healthy function but that does not change how horrible it makes me feel about myself. 

I feel so pathetic that I find it so difficult. 

",5.977972440944883,6.6419010000000025,6.350068897637797,77.81085137795277,66.55905511811025,9.81456692913386,32.01673228346456,9.827888789773867,3.064181889763779,1050,41,193,22,16,339,137,254,0.208,0.721,0.07200000000000001,-0.9916,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,2,3,17,15,7,1,8,0,15,7,2,6,2,50,46,19,0,5,9,0,11,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,16,11,0,1,15,0,0,4,6,9,1,2,5,12,34,4,34,36,4,36,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,3,20,140,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744155294733482,0.09882657756888588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833142694263907,0.0,0.058796306671351876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713654271453332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406707148058467,0.16616989233324228,0.10112819477745078,0.10423045796136557,0.10817923485352866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943788285771282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872281430938146,0.1688117703954099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805733554814239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126505661009234,0.0,0.17336986157778814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4876908127071787,0.0,0.0,0.21131712829736626,0.08815547464278581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039224283399581,0.09252564588036713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062528654136516,0.0,0.0852922760268639,0.0,0.0,0.09522648304011214,0.0,0.10252407504339743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601510659002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862881001087404,0.0,0.0,0.09667034594880866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126531184654284,0.1287650552524527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720103391270613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698714830128457,0.0,0.14180678705610872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18900516417730984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258868392251334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670258350336237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878063719619984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826929484514117,0.0,0.07702677394142872,0.0,0.0,0.10083267991277396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818099309758072,0.1002506657288624,0.0,0.0,0.08430338920382241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407849134126548,0.0,0.0,0.07657219587154407,0.11248399365741434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432367043553893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688994925846332,0.0,0.07736805901832901,0.0,0.08672202390885002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929763852619662,0.0,0.0702182796257959,0.0,0.2948787988638489,0.06851680653032112,0.0,0.0,0.06211199193960085
ptsd,mysocalled_life,2018/02/08,"Recently left a domestic violence relationship, started EMDR, and confused Hi everyone. 

As the title states, I recently left my boyfriend who I lived with for 3 years, who was domestically violent. 

I don’t want to share intimate details in the initial post in respect to others. 

However, since the break up, I’ve had almost no emotions, and I have barely any memories. Has anyone else experienced this? 

I’ve been going to therapy and trying EMDR. I can’t imagine anything when I’m in therapy. She says I have PTSD and alexithymia. 

TIA",4.741156930126003,7.398069278350519,6.4958075601374565,67.68730813287516,72.71134020618555,10.08430698739977,35.520045819014896,10.25414643259724,4.737663001145477,428,24,65,14,9,147,72,97,0.124,0.769,0.108,-0.3765,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,4,0,8,0,0,0,0,9,12,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,2,8,2,10,9,0,15,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,5,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18927088093491465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853645178511858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216344651739131,0.19366785799285824,0.15554296177683494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789749631375816,0.212616054131859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806116096372248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074213882894301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41072996674047857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669034095021143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18102379776853547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22094802509224268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732583517575995,0.2029310102825443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503120457577331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635488167403058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378555065438175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4323094776979463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832854828584922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148574488000652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171924527313956
ptsd,BananaBoatBooty,2018/02/09,"Up from a nightmare at 6 am *domestic violence trigger warning* Sorry no one will probably read this but thank you if you do. This is my first time in a while posting in a forum about this. I was pretty badly beaten for a few years by a partner. I have monthly nightmares about him throwing things at me, cursing at me and threatening me with objects, he did much more but for some reason I usually just dream about the anger and intimidation prior to the actual acts themselves. I think because it was that stage that lasted the longest (an hour or two), it hurt me more mentally than the usual 30 seconds to a minute of when he did hurt me physically, Idk maybe easier to block out than the awful screaming and personal attacks.
I also get nightmares of the cheating and of being an inadequate woman. 

I also have noticed I tend to flinch pretty dramatically when things are thrown or tossed at me when I'm unaware. My depression and anxiety have gotten so bad and I started seeing a counselor last year, and started medication. I've gained  20-30 pounds because i just feel like it's pointless to care about my appearance half the time, my self confidence is really jacked up now. I use to be such a happy person. I always had depression and anxiety but it feels amplified now. It's like I just have a pit in my stomach all the time.

 I use to wear fun dresses and high heels. I use to go on spontaneous adventures. I use to be so carefree and trusting. I'm a fat shell of who I use to be, and it really hurts me when people bring up how fun I use to be. I don't like being unfun, but it's been so hard to dig myself out. I also have 2 young kids which doen't help either lol. I do try,  I try to self care and do what use to make me happy but it just doesn't work.

I recently started therapy and meds for depression and anxiety and it took a few visits to bring it up , I felt dismissed , she said ""he was young"". No I wasn't talking to you to fucking justify it but being on state health insurance it's hard to find good ones out of the few approved therapists in your area. 

Shit when I told my separate doctor that prescribes them that my anxiety didn't feel any better she only had 1 other med to try and then basically said if that didn't work then I just wont have an anxiety medicine that works for me. (We've only tried 2 so far). 

I just wish I wasn't like this. I wish I never went through it,  I wish I could be who I was before everything. I feel like I'll always be the victim now.",3.083418972332016,4.566266462450597,4.758124505928857,83.48023023715416,74.09881422924902,7.9849011857707515,26.483992094861666,8.623443432112703,1.8901392885375496,1954,70,396,37,40,661,244,506,0.205,0.628,0.168,-0.9538,0,0,0,0,1,0,47.0,0,4,1,8,27,32,7,0,24,2,40,9,5,11,2,64,79,42,0,6,17,0,7,5,1,2,4,3,0,7,30,20,1,1,8,2,0,9,10,16,0,6,20,11,59,16,55,47,9,63,0,6,1,1,26,20,2,6,36,278,89,6,0.0,0.0,0.06701738463112412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475932545985034,0.11428704040108985,0.0,0.0,0.04670169720698731,0.0,0.2626828601423503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781282992872365,0.0,0.0,0.11468235330560834,0.08372789874089387,0.0,0.05843779509299095,0.0,0.0,0.060737901786782685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003850513236066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05483180118457457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774503310058813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702922876271363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617211141171075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388975916853181,0.09812358651627692,0.06593925289631633,0.0,0.0627681658271827,0.058415347998607835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348939615084502,0.03588011598173335,0.0,0.03902987113596361,0.057601753855734836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621270049352614,0.1230395233728258,0.0,0.0,0.07299884856475128,0.0,0.0,0.04603174222443527,0.07255943975157989,0.0,0.0,0.06763153709432583,0.0,0.22055563989339602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195940232482318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775690982042707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045841431706781184,0.0,0.06899377364978851,0.0,0.15256600469809142,0.06918334451519513,0.06920875464545675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481613150763509,0.0,0.05048439680816934,0.0,0.0529667818323456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818751565112338,0.0,0.0,0.093072596703561,0.10446162974714364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761094691517472,0.11992960103552293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577214847021187,0.13973535222946748,0.07404380791353021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869408783655959,0.0,0.08799057186311636,0.07060985525052982,0.06780877440472788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065226028364998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472548465884818,0.0,0.14328705496279073,0.0,0.07049441721320665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687660336455626,0.14582662405625166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055198768146637774,0.0,0.06322717656620919,0.07853642311875995,0.07973755246048073,0.09124990561872924,0.04400448950016423,0.0,0.0,0.1201357146916026,0.0,0.0,0.06562238639857039,0.07630101103249667,0.18650463496773897,0.0,0.06708598775392545,0.0,0.0,0.4151950948379291,0.15127272889987914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366287956176209,0.0,0.0,0.23692031856337056,0.0,0.0,0.14998975290567934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844954498218557
ptsd,CJsaurusRAX,2018/02/09,"A dissassociation confession I know im making posts back to back.... whatever. 

I've experienced dissassociation quite a few times. I never liked it.... so disorienting.... so confusing. 

I remember my first time coming to while conscious. I was teaching high schoolers. I was midstep.... everything changed and I didn't know where I was or doing.... they were staring at me.... It was hard to pick up and function. It was embarrassing too.... I didn't even know what dissociation was yet. 

There was another time I guess I became aware that it was happening while it was happening.... I didn't even know THAT was possible either.... but i documented it. I wrote down my feelings, I wrote down I was not myself, and what made me know this, and what I was experiencing. It was so weird to find that later.... 

I've even had times where it felt like I was ""phasing"" in and out.... or maybe just ""phasing"" but not ""all the way there"" whatever that means.... that's just what I felt. 

I know i hate it. I know its triggered and not something I want....


Hate me for this if you want, but here is my confession: these past few days I wished it would happen. I wish I could numb, and i wish I didn't have to be here. I feel like a disaster for wishing that on myself because I remember and know how tough it is on my mind when it happens.... but i cant help that I feel something because they are feelings.

 I wish I could go away without going away. 

Edit: I'm sorry if none of that made sense....",1.364557109557108,3.8318279265734283,3.179510489510492,87.70336829836832,84.41958041958044,6.4037296037296025,22.65268065268065,7.686295010490155,1.1334023310023311,1121,40,234,21,33,373,137,286,0.107,0.8029999999999999,0.091,-0.3353,0,0,2,0,0,0,88.0,0,1,2,2,20,10,2,2,4,0,30,1,0,6,2,69,68,23,0,12,15,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,28,10,0,0,21,0,0,3,11,7,0,1,26,10,45,3,19,38,5,33,2,0,1,0,8,13,0,6,18,174,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038222606164667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196474125492233,0.13255617355593166,0.0,0.10508647549907857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118212742162753,0.07424874668135463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763825005532748,0.0,0.0,0.055588184884721135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079154230522164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746586793626736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17432968681908634,0.06157721634836748,0.16552006650399587,0.0,0.07878001740773075,0.073316817076978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797240008504833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495272552075988,0.0,0.3048852957740244,0.0,0.0772131514869946,0.17019802847130225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057774214141186934,0.09106899733955827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310462171952877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37896101071370863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633052537148082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311823820645732,0.057535356342873364,0.0,0.08659374728457529,0.09389084801601484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870316593377931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647834837602666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228220068731583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971711084410815,0.082550301305494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167823482319797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195282650761785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271314747173482,0.0,0.09648744823899516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20104232923320448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016792481934286,0.06841701355469301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4955958851300507,0.08308821748309868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061229948940244784,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FauxGrin,2018/02/09,"Potential Trigger Warning: Break the Dam My past...

Grew up with a father who drank heavy. He was literally Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde. Drank and took whatever he could find. OD'd so many times. Went into several DTs and that was a rough watch each time growing up... Mother was rapid cycling bipolar, one minute gentle, the next minute violent and destructive. Little brother slipped into substance abuse as a teen and became more physically/verbally abusive the older (and bigger) he got. He mirrored my dad when my dad had the regular one too many. Blamed me a lot for what he did, and did to me. Blamed the family problems on me. It was a constant war zone. Older sister lived in denial most of her life until recently (she finally sought help), so I could never confide in her because, she always said, ""it never happened."" 

First boyfriend wound up raping me when we broke up in college. I broke up with him because he cheated on me, twice. I found out by catching curable STDs. Was stalked for ten months by this guy, met another man during that time who seemed big and strong. Had a temper. He strongly discouraged me seeking help and taking medication, was verbally abusive to me in front of my friends, and physically destructive; he put holes in walls during arguments. Yelled. Walked out or hung up his phone when I became ""emotional."" We broke up, I went into psychosis. Wound up in a hospital room with a gown on and no idea how I got there. They said I must have had cyclic MDD all my life. They urged me to go to women's shelters. Ran away from home that night instead after denying SI and being discharged. 

Couch surfed until I was taken in by a family with a father who became increasingly controlling of my wareabouts. He started saying inappropriate stuff to me without his wife around. He was very controlling with his wife; she was a broken woman. I dipped, worked under the table, lived out of my car and couch surfed again. 

I wound up with a man who never really stood up for me. But he got me out of the street. He was very meek. He used to wrestle me down or shove me into the bed when I became upset about things. Put me in bear hugs when I panicked. But it was stable. He supported me more than harmed me. He just never stopped the harm of others...

I continued college. Went into nursing school. We moved in together to a former roommate's place. This roommate would later go on to commit several sexual batteries against me and ultimately forced entry and assault on me in a drunken rage because I ""cockblocked"" him. That was in 2016. 

It lead me into another psychosis and several episodes of attempted suicide followed with institutionalization. There, I got diagnosed with PTSD. Since then I developed the need to self medicate. Almost nightly. Insomnia still looms. 

I have never eaten much as a child, was consistently underweight growing up. Food is not enjoyable to me unless I have the munchies. I sometimes take a few hits from a pipe just to get a full meal in for the day. Otherwise, it's constant force feed and pecking. I don't step on scales or track my calories. It's not nervosa. I just can't find the energy. Cooking is sometimes triggering because of my recent attacker. It's always hard to shower. To get out of bed. It hurts to fake a smile. I cry once a day. I hear thoughts all the time. I remember these horrible events vividly, if I remember them. I ""daydream"" all the time. 

Sometimes I ""daydream"" the traumas. I ""daydream"" what ifs. They turn sour. The 2 cats in my apartmrnt bring me back to reality. I have a supportive boyfriend. 

I have constant quiet conversations alone to people. Whomever I want to talk to. I have been doing that as long as I can remember. Sometimes they get a little too real and I catch myself going from a whispered convo to loud talking. I grow agitated when they yell. Active imagination, mom said. Roommates poked fun at me for it. I forgot where I was when I did it, was someplace else and not ""here."" 

I work as a full time nurse, a fledgling with 1 year of experience. They say I catch small details, I make a lot of ""good calls."" I find money on the ground all the time, I hang my head a lot and dislike eye contact. This year I found $22 in bills. It's only February.

I'm finally realizing I need help, really badly. I have worked to gain stable resources. But I'm terrified to take the step. But it's painfully necessary. It's a long time coming. It's an ineffective coping. It's a wound needing lancing.

Thanks for reading.",2.698232637494982,5.409608042452831,3.888911079887595,83.24892312324369,80.60377358490567,6.721718185467683,26.238257727820148,7.915984808538092,1.9237701826575675,3532,146,635,66,94,1147,411,848,0.162,0.773,0.065,-0.9981,2,1,0,0,1,1,143.0,3,0,7,12,25,34,10,1,50,0,40,24,2,8,11,112,91,48,2,11,17,10,2,0,1,2,13,11,7,8,33,46,7,5,13,2,2,29,12,24,0,5,44,17,100,10,114,41,16,145,0,5,3,2,74,61,0,11,54,419,133,8,0.0,0.2040557368980373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748538535937844,0.05945692569376314,0.0,0.0,0.09553538833017744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203936778986767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051104905309600136,0.0,0.06530939453666422,0.053936298482756065,0.04414287509274466,0.047932920124710066,0.13998047884009754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058619543962952485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04945153533969392,0.0,0.18611155497455265,0.12877493462298234,0.09167054113270152,0.0,0.06305951616552405,0.0740462623859087,0.0,0.0,0.05826747159335693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04795665544558172,0.06457578548262434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05615561570042423,0.1082374891362905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577436611589268,0.15740842730797552,0.04883084675133677,0.0694174573033866,0.1258888671515288,0.044352943484178016,0.0,0.08997925228311396,0.0,0.09787812902578696,0.04815074310957872,0.18365630089350765,0.0,0.0,0.05684251645500388,0.050765321478175036,0.0,0.05142590360258713,0.0,0.05891672532814887,0.0,0.06470249971771297,0.0,0.11543724520713318,0.0,0.05758446994182145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145598728627567,0.06480615492288275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109732394654434,0.0,0.11507492631459355,0.1013838659769591,0.1016077797107395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641758041218125,0.0,0.0,0.03831999642609422,0.11640452394553405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566416736392425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723504807270239,0.0458221718924664,0.061015158034003834,0.04220116678808697,0.1277009494876221,0.22138127180449188,0.0,0.06105359826377853,0.10774622455900487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113718475862113,0.0778017055806784,0.043661041218989394,0.06108569830678104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548020180405064,0.0397991783350556,0.0,0.05997868843091385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493128809403769,0.06710637317310754,0.11542092084850256,0.0,0.0,0.05742310181820452,0.06534237881030243,0.07355351422904675,0.0,0.11336609246707376,0.0,0.1950947457770474,0.0,0.163823225869819,0.09130560212810697,0.0,0.058099522157295434,0.0,0.05226169247821586,0.05988861200060942,0.1945626292447807,0.0,0.04748813225496872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22711020476565197,0.0,0.04063337105472879,0.0,0.04584575677558129,0.04799529614754814,0.0,0.0,0.06571792902018753,0.06279456014277301,0.1302908523424855,0.0,0.0,0.12949003667934691,0.09228405481022814,0.0,0.05285317429758105,0.0,0.0,0.03813903631497926,0.0,0.0,0.04557519532582757,0.2677985095564392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378191869692698,0.0,0.06244294737105476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04958170545086598,0.0,0.09473450916389058,0.033860470109548166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965216790474146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533884552706452,0.0,0.12538017643210214,0.0,0.0,0.0407806881489966,0.0,0.0,0.07393718130984178
ptsd,Alabasterkitty,2018/02/09,"When you have PTSD and then have another traumatic event how do you cope? I've had PTSD for a long time due to various traumatic incidents in my life, just too many to list. I honestly feel like I've lived a cursed life. In November I experienced yet another extremely traumatic event. I've been in therapy a long time and had made so much progress. There were days I was actually happy and not a mess. Then the event happened and it's like everything I worked for was gone. I'm worse than I ever have been. I started seeing a trauma therapist but I just don't feel like I can handle it. It feels like the trauma is ongoing and won't end for a long time because of hearings and court dates and the thing I dread the most, a trial. I'm at the point I don't even want justice, but everyone around me is pushing me along saying I have to do it to protect any future victims. I've been such a mess I have almost been hospitalized multiple times for suicidal ideation. I a lot of times feel like I wish my attacker had succeeded so I didn't have to go through all this. Do I have to start all over from the beginning? I know I need to quit using heroin and other opiates but if I don't I feel like I can't stand to exist.",3.5128571428571433,4.485251238095241,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,72.33333333333333,9.250793650793652,27.88888888888889,9.586721724236666,2.3601650793650792,960,35,206,23,18,324,132,252,0.162,0.6940000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.8337,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,4,14,16,2,1,15,0,29,2,0,3,3,35,50,18,1,4,7,0,5,6,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,10,0,1,6,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,13,9,27,9,24,36,6,35,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,4,30,135,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.10516551385532258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791356323539504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732855812222722,0.2260071962958675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593590433967028,0.0,0.12260106517747946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569405493498756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950110857196147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954499993089012,0.0,0.0,0.07117940349820982,0.09748185455738582,0.0,0.10297644445547544,0.09685446123533302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724523771565793,0.3849455426420441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061246741816516424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529842576947167,0.11472048532042313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214617811314094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922618809368831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223871495712202,0.31589848015381083,0.0,0.09516065834608237,0.2861124830026242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162005684172096,0.0,0.1019721943355818,0.0,0.10925930892827426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922149694784472,0.07990822015949861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187510117972252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25194883185149297,0.0,0.0,0.1146239792744912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570102476828756,0.0,0.0,0.0858767280580583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255675262047708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788013065307598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324150426197986,0.12512634929322128,0.07159592444903189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142004182312641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307650062778686,0.0,0.0,0.06356405127152545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239272823592711,0.0,0.0,0.07845600821428758,0.0,0.10982426793123506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Israeli_Carrot,2018/02/09,Friend That I Suspect Has PTSD But Can’t Be Diagnosed I have a friend from school that I’m 99% positive has PTSD from researching this extensively. They come from a very eastern family and they don’t believe in any mental disorders along with believing therapy is for crazy people. I feel so angry at them because it affects someone they should care about. I really want her to go to a professional and seek out a diagnosis. But her family can’t know. I have no idea what to do at this point. I believe treatment would help tremendously. ,3.1545989304812854,5.9113092549019575,4.453814616755796,79.64671122994655,79.0,8.807130124777181,26.91978609625669,9.339509955726095,2.9298117647058834,432,18,78,13,11,142,71,102,0.104,0.732,0.16399999999999998,0.7544,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,16,19,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,12,3,14,16,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,0,54,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063751996579962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917677110944627,0.0,0.0,0.549901378831394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587740739799292,0.0,0.0,0.14014650162750075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513101658815546,0.0,0.0,0.186461454456318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067469056965708,0.0,0.08226299038542585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25139400924526584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924627669938662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905037940793574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836617575972732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941238451585391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639573170105096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279155587369445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537984464720869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803612313558068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042259621546596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465504499793793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785012434193336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860548031548684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423961411427285,0.09596115462782524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557317156655394,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,imyour_FUfairy,2018/02/10,"Can you date and start a family? I'm actually very serious about this issue as I don't want to live alone forever. But as I've been through really weird and traumatic things a lot, I don't know if I will ever be able to trust another human being in the long run. So I'm afraid. Any success story here?

I think I might become very paranoid about my private life against my future SO, I think I might fight him a lot whenever he tries to do slightly obsessive thing.


I'm being stalked by criminals and all of my private life was exposed to creeps.",3.8383108108108095,4.950523855855857,5.341970720720724,81.47619932432436,71.70270270270271,9.153603603603603,29.190315315315317,9.516144504307137,2.6115666666666666,432,17,87,10,8,146,77,111,0.207,0.731,0.062,-0.911,0,1,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,6,7,1,2,4,0,12,2,0,0,2,15,20,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,12,2,13,12,3,7,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,5,5,56,15,1,0.1899774928074971,0.0,0.18539062839731688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967593883344835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919120971491374,0.1992079656514036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981521503230885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718455186611057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790938726550302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19828714478884688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440666170634463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683734429437433,0.0,0.0,0.1677536066980355,0.168124102891576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32302414145100244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030721959490197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170444654420698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344670472179357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524252093239036,0.24345981287219146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898224716614612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31350265523751936,0.1120536474049754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,queencream666,2018/02/10,"bad panic attack in front of friends i have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse. i was molested multiple times and had forced oral sex(i don't know if that's considered rape) my friends and i are really close and they know about my history. we were watching a documentary on netflix about porn stars, it was fine until they started talking about porn stars acting in a facial abuse scene. they showed a scene about it and i asked if we could skip the part and so we did, then there was a scene about the girls talking about rape victims and saying how they must feel bad about themselves and i was really uncomfortable. they proceeded another scene about another forced blowjob, it wasn't too graphic but enough to trigger me. i was laying on the couch with them and we were all cuddling and i started shaking really bad and it was hard to breathe and my heart was beating so fast i thought i was going to faint. i didn't move and i didn't say anything i just froze. my friends turned it off asked if i was okay i said yes and then i left to go home because i didn't feel like myself. i was all panicky going home and i basically ran out of the car into my house. i'm really embarrassed that my friends saw me this way, we've texted since but they haven't mentioned anything. i've just been in this really bad funk since watching the documentary with them. i was doing much better before this, i just feel really on edge now.   ",2.4899076354679828,4.969195160714289,3.1783743842364514,89.47214285714287,79.53571428571429,6.576354679802956,23.58374384236453,7.753152298057669,1.2078805418719207,1135,39,227,19,29,356,138,280,0.18,0.74,0.08,-0.9764,2,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,4,0,8,2,17,20,5,3,9,2,27,9,3,2,3,43,45,25,0,5,8,0,5,1,4,1,1,3,3,1,10,23,0,0,6,2,0,9,6,12,0,0,24,11,41,8,27,19,5,31,0,0,3,5,25,11,0,3,11,149,51,0,0.0,0.24757815425923305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191081099586695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17195261082571958,0.0,0.1953452293050636,0.11885855012683222,0.0,0.0,0.3489383069487748,0.06368868092802991,0.0,0.08890288999925186,0.0,0.0,0.0924021002630771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341700061434651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795346857624324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848130428831714,0.07463894218208565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228770741965595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17813137891825045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359156342713117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380666450241508,0.0,0.0,0.20959945060475632,0.0,0.0,0.12055332303223736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483650384544845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351540648093893,0.0,0.0,0.051042562699866977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110433387283956,0.07680318480485547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258215607379705,0.0,0.11313924729155946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212892610951932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015868216213456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938228765876307,0.16616983765347434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285018757563672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478998114924902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795055339873127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294368178737255,0.06092182984895031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136418158953084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292959347317244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Bipolar_Bear89,2018/02/10,"My “first” flashback? Hello, long time lurker here just wanted to ask a question.  I am a mental health worker. I have seen some really messed up stuff.  I don’t like to say I have ptsd because I feel so many people have been threw worse.

Anyway here it is. I dissociate all the time, that’s normal and I have an ok handle on it. However, a recent law suit brought up on a previous employer has stirred up some serious feelings.  My wife and I were discussing I should write down what I remembered for the court date, that’s when I teleported...

I was there, again, watching that poor child suffering.  I wasn’t on my couch at all anymore.  When I came back I just looked at my wife and said somethings wrong.  I phased back and forth a few more times. Took some alprolozame to relax me because I felt a possible full blown panic attack coming on.  Really scared me...

If that happened when I was driving I’d be in a car accident no doubt.  A lot of clients are also triggering painful memories.  I tried counseling but they just focus on pills. Porazin, spelling off just started taking it, is the only mild relief I get beside the well known natural cure.

What is going on? Was that a flashback, if so my god it was pure terror.  I found a whole new respect for folks who suffer worse than me. Should I have this guilt for dealing with PTSD?  I am considering hangin up the degree because I can’t help people with out it destroying what’s left of my fragile grip on reality.",2.472529945553539,4.893643996491232,3.644863883847552,86.43473684210528,79.21052631578948,6.73805202661827,24.21355111917725,7.873277556716777,1.4562425892317,1149,41,221,20,29,372,175,285,0.162,0.748,0.09,-0.9496,2,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,2,18,19,2,5,16,1,24,3,0,1,3,38,43,13,0,6,7,2,5,1,0,2,3,2,1,1,16,9,0,0,7,2,1,8,4,13,1,1,15,10,34,6,28,25,10,42,0,2,3,0,14,19,0,8,16,155,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162291800944002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602560123109474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187992411832672,0.144567703172928,0.0,0.19542775151666555,0.0,0.232393706049428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534150063645973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094650307685976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101014574595352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850725018583647,0.0,0.12201323242827335,0.0,0.0,0.10809108565333447,0.0,0.13933266805069927,0.0,0.0,0.06639215245153625,0.0,0.07222042303157368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237320417685084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507622676484562,0.0,0.0,0.08517660447169169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380688353692609,0.0,0.0,0.06208308990565507,0.0,0.0,0.11245857844414732,0.10671213617112353,0.0,0.0,0.10803577573332314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883548213187498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806308072530806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273113893652653,0.0,0.0,0.1245078504991854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664729694629666,0.13521820503125442,0.14909672661044546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761974932056267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325950067508472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970909256387377,0.0,0.14235460435067565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281673850798015,0.0,0.12547257344771365,0.0,0.1439527421651428,0.0,0.12087871716058532,0.10105622077901316,0.1272256035440515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782958918981334,0.0,0.0,0.08994530062987646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547202777077348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554560677076897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222977397492188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118651007858707,0.08627650593437447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495292869917616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425690758058275,0.0,0.0,0.14187621614653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590033315694773,0.0,0.13893804927763626,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dolliepopjess,2018/02/10,"Dirt bikes and PTSD I used to ride my dirt bike with no issues before i got PTSD but i tried to ride last week and i couldn’t even get the bike going. I sat there sweating and damn near had a panic attack. I felt like my brain couldn’t remember the first thing about riding. The fear i felt was so intense but i wasn’t even in motion. For the past week i felt so disappointed in myself and confused as to why something i used to enjoy doing was so terrifying.
After talking to my psychologist she explained it so well and made me feel so much better. She explained how with a dirt bike i’m the one in control and i have to trust myself to control the bike. So right now i do not trust my judgement, which in turn brings on fear.  She also explained the science of how my brain in this constant fight or flight mode so any lil bit of danger makes me wanna run away. 

(I was diagnosed last month so this is all new to me. I’m just sharing what i learned in hopes it can help someone else understand this terrifying disorder)",2.272289979757087,4.252665879807694,3.37274291497976,90.38015182186236,77.70192307692307,5.917408906882592,22.48582995951417,6.8360192770164,0.5392942307692308,805,24,169,8,19,259,119,208,0.226,0.63,0.14400000000000002,-0.9723,0,0,1,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,18,17,4,4,9,0,12,4,3,8,1,37,33,21,0,4,5,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,8,0,2,10,5,0,7,5,9,1,2,11,4,27,8,26,20,3,28,0,1,0,0,10,10,1,3,12,114,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632208365586883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190865262443715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702679151238356,0.11316469827318958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249222929083804,0.0,0.0,0.1065263148048168,0.1314978312618738,0.0,0.0,0.26891921861829576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016131100519665,0.2701849595114237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225200889734746,0.0,0.0,0.13804364473852093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061870384794076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591093073947719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27107458350484825,0.060902040333244374,0.0,0.34694640769872565,0.0,0.0,0.1024528600309136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292901825487851,0.0,0.06845327574891401,0.0,0.0963331302908586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807336394402984,0.0,0.0,0.119631869525337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571623795644532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636210976271545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058844724168930475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397064612003635,0.08039985974890483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614030629282108,0.0,0.08854301167658439,0.0,0.0,0.11632926177858835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816185647221588,0.0,0.0,0.14131957293386782,0.0,0.0,0.11498107973239073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815941281091313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644390797786946,0.10286178605743164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205505286497032,0.09272662169654623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681140078017013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002018415102607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177616806255174,0.13101264820375544,0.0,0.12539043562436564,0.0,0.20805649979897173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323196287760397,0.0,0.10829706158620084,0.0,0.1086854293168306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lostFox9,2018/02/10,Had an episode I yelled at my cousin and now I feel terrible. Didn’t sleep all night trying to figure why I was so angry. I’m visiting family and totally being triggered with past family abuse and a very abusive ex who used to live in the area. I wasn’t expecting to take it out on someone and now I feel like shit and the biggest asshole.,3.6698571428571434,4.681246271428575,5.210000000000001,82.64500000000002,72.0,9.028571428571428,28.285714285714285,9.3871,2.407942857142857,269,10,55,6,5,91,53,70,0.255,0.713,0.032,-0.9592,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,4,0,5,2,2,2,2,15,10,6,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,3,6,1,8,5,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,5,35,8,0,0.0,0.535886695429761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263763758122936,0.0,0.22869013543507466,0.16155713009496764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048240638734792,0.0,0.19968906192319225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222057672216854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158797845900572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23213329510318595,0.0,0.0,0.22630705417679856,0.0,0.19161085354297888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003194544304234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153536752194638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953155791531086,0.0,0.18659226578507693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405954721945133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,logrusbox,2018/02/10,"Delaying (request for general advice) Alright.
TLDR version first: Complex PTSD, 20 years of emotional numbness, emotional wall has finally cracked. How do I survive the last few months of my graduate degree so I can go home and deal with this with professional help?



I have complex PTSD brought on by long term emotional abuse, and a history of violent bullying and ostracization from the community I grew up in. Since my mid teens I've been in a state of emotional numbness. 

In the last two years I've been travelling for university, and as a result I'm away from my spouse, and what few indulgences I have that keep me feeling like me. 

Unfortunately, the emotional dam broke recently, and I'm having trouble even functioning on a basic enough level to attend classes. I'm having extreme emotional outbursts over nothing - I can drop a sock on the way from the laundry machine to the closet and end up uncontrollably raging. For the first time in twenty years, I'm experiencing loneliness---and not just basic 'i feel lonely', but a profound, crushing level of need to connect with another human being. 

I intend to seek professional help, but need to get through the next 3 months to finish out the last semester before I can. There's not a lot of point entering into treatment with a psych in a city I won't be in a few months from now. 

I can drive myself back into a state of numbness- but it takes a lot more work than it used to, and I can only pull it off on a good day.

How do I cope and get shit done so I can get home and start actually fixing this? I don't want my life to go off the rails and leave grad school so close to the finish line, but I've almost hit that eject hammer several times. Any advice would be appreciated.",5.989202059202057,6.664967165165169,6.8945860145860145,73.87513513513514,66.53753753753753,10.186700986700988,32.67395967395967,10.181067101454742,3.3521401115401126,1378,56,251,32,21,460,183,333,0.104,0.812,0.084,-0.8119,0,2,0,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,0,4,10,13,3,1,25,1,22,5,1,5,0,45,42,21,0,4,7,1,2,1,0,2,4,0,3,1,8,19,0,2,4,1,0,9,4,10,0,3,4,3,22,3,50,32,9,64,0,2,0,0,6,25,1,3,27,164,30,8,0.0,0.10757201024362566,0.08859852513653246,0.0,0.0,0.17743903956395768,0.0,0.0,0.09091366736473222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174071872077156,0.09520185623589383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530075372185371,0.06981236426642448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725611027597999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05855242359487746,0.09360111802375118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929103016779927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6127632034975115,0.08041352010779608,0.09381095567389283,0.0,0.05996633248723821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181290672614734,0.06486082002677561,0.0,0.0994566602675198,0.0,0.15445286940100444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423030177262222,0.0,0.10319677611857568,0.07615084451573108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171004562466772,0.0,0.1821407410922428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069885342954618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201936055275934,0.0,0.09613413219030924,0.0,0.0,0.0641280830540977,0.044355699266275035,0.0,0.0,0.08034682057484115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437383627999862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174045629502752,0.0,0.0,0.13464015327603693,0.0,0.0,0.09655682899701744,0.0,0.0,0.08711602563700434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905033954918909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582645947107324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225869673040854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964476063401358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188493037729126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256753112804838,0.09319524224687332,0.07510291933524091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426205124803384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826322927190462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588145346151516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868922004403165,0.0,0.0,0.07841392466199687,0.0,0.0,0.05355064590952939,0.07206534926546837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609663530430941,0.0,0.0,0.06449503459191634,0.0,0.0,0.1753985016921925
ptsd,deasphodel,2018/02/10,Hey I'm new I recently got diagnosed with PTSD from a trauma that lasted the majority of my childhood and ended 8 years ago. My therapist suggested I use an emergency bag/box to try and redirect my mind when I start getting into a bad place. She couldn't give me any suggestions as everyone's different. I was wondering if anyone has/is using this technique and what kind of things do you use? Could really use a jumping off point here. ,6.464117647058824,6.669918941176469,7.698823529411764,70.14470588235295,65.47058823529412,12.447058823529412,34.64705882352941,11.979248473330829,4.564341176470588,350,15,63,12,5,120,71,85,0.114,0.8859999999999999,0.0,-0.836,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,4,0,14,14,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,10,1,8,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,9,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532924847041242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759869342496088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091705047971715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438977290124586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807096022365645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552085224529165,0.0,0.180675602048074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316512496634024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524253638356426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903490667734577,0.16589072618659076,0.0,0.0,0.13830834585553456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008054029814274,0.0,0.14096146625768508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746105427785789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701738771089006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180675602048074,0.0,0.1634752510856816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20214654057131395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078372846875303,0.0,0.17074804021364046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224011223088369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20078567904495465,0.11488736296191872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740848139146375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5974258335591279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753578782173605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113615943959858
ptsd,Ewokitude,2018/02/10,"10 year anniversary of trauma on Monday and I'm terrified Hey everyone, so as the title says Feb 12, 2008 was when I had my trauma. It's always a hard day for me each year, in a few days it will be 10 years. The past year I've been really dreading it. I've not been sure if I should throw a party celebrating surviving that long (I'm really shocked I have, I didn't expect to) or if I should spend the day in solitude, mourning how much it has affected these past 10 years. As it has approached, I've come to realize I just don't want to deal with it. I just kind of want to say ""NO!"", or [pull a Gandalf](http://weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1333397188557621642.jpg), but the truth is I can't stop time or rewind it or fast forward through it--Monday will still come.

I think this would be a lot easier for me except for the fact that a year ago I was in an abusive relationship that completely made me relapse and re-traumatized me in new ways. Before that (around 2014), I had largely recovered and was living a pretty functional life. I still had my limitations, PTSD didn't go away, but I knew how to live with it and it no longer plagued me daily. I took on a lot more responsibilities, including some heavy academic research. Then the relationship hit. It started great, I hadn't been that happy since before the trauma! I think that made the abuse hit harder. The whole thing destroyed me. My life is a mess, my career is a mess, my personal relationships are a mess. I've lost just about everything I've spent the past 20 years working my ass off for. And this damned anniversary keeps lurking closer and closer. It's days away.

I really don't know what to do. I've been barely able to sleep the past month. The sleep I get is nightmares. PTSD is at 100% (110%?) during the day. My therapist has been helping me to just ride it out so that I can get through it and start fresh Tuesday, but it's been so hard. 3654 days. That's how long it will have been at the end of Monday. 3654 days! I really don't want day 3655. The first time was so hard! I barely got through it. And yet I'm back where I was 10 years ago! Worse even, because there is a whole new trauma and I'm 10 years older so the physical toll is a lot harder. I can't shrug off a night without sleep anymore. Tuesday will be a fresh start, but it will be a fresh start on the same battleground.

So idk, I just needed to get all that off my chest and wanted to ask if anyone else had their 10 year anniversary and how they dealt with it. Thanks :)",2.6975766541151174,4.559403311637084,3.682956338533263,89.18085193652504,76.0414201183432,7.2126412049488975,22.370853505468887,8.07648339933343,0.989844575936884,1977,55,423,33,44,635,223,507,0.166,0.75,0.084,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,1,0,83.0,0,0,2,5,25,19,2,1,34,0,51,7,5,7,4,71,85,36,1,12,19,0,3,0,0,8,2,2,0,1,32,19,0,3,5,0,2,9,12,13,0,1,26,5,41,6,44,45,12,80,0,2,0,1,12,20,2,11,52,264,73,4,0.06662005285255088,0.15786773767722662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181093144596214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055433220794485386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06606919108751891,0.04658228994788614,0.06826011694105018,0.0,0.059305971310182726,0.062280756371054874,0.0,0.12518346530601604,0.051226708433163085,0.0,0.04061096587394019,0.0,0.11337751635755093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477455317971008,0.06984985791635273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437153820034597,0.0686823492142757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055652505659837606,0.0,0.0590055929480605,0.0,0.0,0.0440019166004274,0.0,0.0,0.063658315440257,0.05987380781806687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666698292351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441868392253167,0.0,0.03786171129582512,0.0,0.053282142123833386,0.07344884345938442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091828505638953,0.17903544553182055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04465401713662056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592149639818759,0.0,0.06937453327599312,0.036612638782864235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941114270375699,0.0,0.0,0.11765345440950177,0.11791330072740587,0.0,0.0,0.07272365741538084,0.16991395973881185,0.0,0.12607500962914622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317549059452774,0.0,0.048973404248150915,0.04939792505054191,0.0,0.12868412436163806,0.0,0.06251840663597195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543855146554673,0.0,0.0581700604956193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677765440923728,0.0,0.0,0.15575055341652758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071404704516785,0.0,0.0,0.2145750147145647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595787992295252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055108796152260664,0.0,0.2000044951739511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188616065202263,0.0,0.10640572052935528,0.055697347233231456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278861139758869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061334793980248416,0.0,0.07735101610193659,0.04425940288493755,0.08537487973616144,0.0,0.0,0.07769337712519157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401732998882557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717693295394347,0.0528798970461409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875781974125474,0.0,0.06421935360772905,0.0,0.04850019191765708,0.0,0.06789152536709211,0.047324974123757434,0.0,0.0,0.4290112981281213
ptsd,Asrivak,2018/02/10,"I've been having some kind of unbearable stress response for several days now. And its too much to handle I'm not sure where to begin. I was a victim of childhood abuse. The only thing that kept me alive through it was the belief that it would be better some day. I was arbitrarily and unpredictably punished, usually for no discernible reason. And because I would be targeted if I didn't obey or tried to defended myself, the only thing I could do was numb myself to it. And in the 10 years since my emancipation, I've only watched my cognitive state decline. 

I've been agoraphobic for 3 years now. 3 years ago I moved into the shelter system after a domestic dispute triggered my agoraphobia again. I felt like I was under constant threat, and that I wasn't safe anymore. So I moved. I officially cut out my family. And I haven't called a single number on my contact list since. Nobody knows where I am anymore. I haven't been able to experience pleasure in as long as I can remember, and I don't pursue social relationships anymore. I avert my gaze when people look at me. And I'm intentionally despondent in order to push people away from me. 

I spend most of my time alone in one spot. I have everything delivered to me, although I used to go to 24 hour grocery stores between 4 and 6am to avoid people. And although I probably have a slight marijuana and internet dependency, I don't even take interest in my old interests anymore. The things I used to use to pass the time aren't enjoyable anymore and I find myself getting stuck in the same cycles, the same dying video game, the same reruns that I hate, the same web page being reloaded over and over again, and I spend more and more time in my head.

Lately I've been getting flashbacks constantly throughout the day. I've been developing ticks, weird behaviors, movements, sayings or sounds that I say impulsively when I get stressed. I've been struggling to find support for these issues, but I fail to communicate these problems every time, and keep slipping through the cracks. 

A few days ago I went to another assessment in search of support for my PTSD. I'm a witness in an upcoming court case, and the police recommended this service to me for people coping with trauma. The court dates are coming up, and I finally managed to get an assessment scheduled. Two days ago I got his results. He basically concluded that he doesn't know what to do and recommended me to an addictions program, because I use prescription pot to cope with these episodes. 

-------------------------------------

No words can describe my state of mind right now. This feels like a new low. None of my effort produces results. Taking away my only defense mechanism, the only thing that controls my self destructive out bursts and overwhelming anxiety, when no individual has helped me, and not even a promise of false hope this time... I would likely still have no recourse in dealing with this disorder after... Now I live in a constant state of limbo. I don't sleep on a 24 hour schedule anymore. Just a lot of short naps. I have no regular patterns. And I can tell its negatively impacting a number of areas in my health. My back. My bowl movements. I get sick and allergy symptoms when trash piles up around me. Or when the mice breed, and their babies scurry everywhere and don't know how to shut up yet. And even when I know there are things I have to do, I can't pull myself out of bed to do them. I can't make sense out of this anymore. 

I have been having constant flashbacks for 2 days now. Leading up to this I had several panic attacks already, due to still unexplained unrelated technical issues. I can't concentrate. I keep losing things I'm holding onto. I can't play games or distract myself. My back pains have suddenly gotten 10x worse, and I'm in excruciating pain. But worst of all there's this constant vibrating in my chest. Like the weight of anxiety but worse than I've ever felt it. I can't stop shaking. And everything I have seems to be breaking down in one way or another. It feels like the world is ending and its too much to handle anymore. 

I need some kind of recourse. Some kind of escape from this. Not doing anything is unbearable. But everything I know is unbearable. And there's no way out. 

------------------------------------

These issues started getting worse before I began relying on marijuana to help me cope. I couldn't perform the license exam for my college program due to stress. Which was before marijuana. I've never kept relationships long term. I was a military brat and I've never known anyone for longer than a few years. As a adult though, that window was shortened to about 8 months until I'd move on. Or it did at least... And I mean platonic relationships. I haven't dated since 2012. I've never been able to rely on people and have a fundamental distrust of people. I blame people for this declining state. I don't understand how all of my effort can slip through the cracks. Every conceivable attempt has failed. 

I've had literally dozens of assessments. Psychologists and psychiatrists. Emergency services. Walk in services. Free counselors. Group therapy. I've even changed my GP. I'm doing everything conceivably possible and nothing works. 

I can't go to this court case. Their recommendations failed, and every time they call me I immediately start to dissociate. The stress is overwhelming. I can't even think about it. And this is the same stress that keeps me from leaving my unit. I used to starve myself for weeks at a time because I couldn't leave. Two years ago in January and February, I only ate on 3 out of the first 8 weeks of that year due to stress. This is not something I'm going to be able to cope with on my own. And I don't know what to do anymore. This recommendation was my last avenue for recovery. There's nothing left in the city. ",3.9603255232623193,6.2774784597806255,4.932046412714996,79.58527291721077,73.81718464351006,8.011924038353916,28.439316494422265,8.812624874582673,2.4819275752714245,4601,189,825,97,98,1499,450,1094,0.158,0.795,0.047,-0.9989,0,2,1,0,1,0,201.0,0,0,4,15,41,55,9,13,45,0,84,12,3,19,7,147,143,66,1,10,16,0,5,5,0,3,7,3,2,2,46,52,2,12,22,5,4,16,37,34,0,6,32,10,113,22,139,100,26,164,1,7,2,0,25,56,0,16,88,560,159,14,0.12371864624750754,0.048862121726849984,0.0,0.04495719532261501,0.0,0.0,0.14622548685660516,0.0,0.0,0.04271173530697542,0.04550886753105073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648652521199797,0.06309628383101143,0.0,0.36808695865674695,0.02883565135268769,0.0,0.033936634783287366,0.036711941678825334,0.0,0.04691594023673911,0.07749182714555151,0.063421334845369,0.0,0.07541773843752253,0.0,0.07018363709850943,0.0,0.0,0.03647302957225833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842203802617353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362597440759761,0.035524219648210086,0.0,0.2228265078987689,0.04625366059219944,0.03292642398358872,0.0,0.0,0.15957658368280894,0.04251616393788453,0.0,0.0,0.04280014071657022,0.0,0.047264095693496516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036525999645195435,0.0,0.0,0.13619166504689442,0.03730353285234673,0.10423829540498394,0.0,0.1482537890971974,0.0403401919256708,0.03887697633486798,0.0,0.04170390991475192,0.05892308373291586,0.07919286804811307,0.04517590988149711,0.07538440087864341,0.03507833909881007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927577273101645,0.0,0.07031215775978016,0.0,0.03298303443918466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040715516539656056,0.04232367462674977,0.04383571187212745,0.0,0.0,0.05528400046837815,0.0,0.0,0.04096017705087146,0.08122529688687474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913012356899342,0.0,0.10996681731320623,0.0,0.12883393172855906,0.13598506491102294,0.033615736399822946,0.04652000725737043,0.08733345520920623,0.04480689038126344,0.0,0.0,0.10073780214387637,0.0,0.0364152770890741,0.0729914058201938,0.03463083450354438,0.046136506382284136,0.0,0.03506038960632455,0.0,0.0,0.02752771902041459,0.0,0.0,0.04492195837583353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164018816280373,0.0,0.032917014363341913,0.13149334157055226,0.06063162682786905,0.030578602853084138,0.09541944699868901,0.03982941316184143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914091852321642,0.0,0.043273969173460984,0.0,0.05588997104069488,0.18818721089388932,0.08776357494698629,0.04838572489999264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20013217391464008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649139485862688,0.0,0.0,0.044463208576962836,0.039460678630241705,0.04820682561260554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240112455129102,0.0,0.1328275256589827,0.04671636956323492,0.035218349302724335,0.0,0.06559068879924945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03754293633211269,0.04302184335676983,0.0931779034314021,0.0,0.10234134264915223,0.0,0.041269331458074696,0.042038526530943206,0.0,0.031748219409170976,0.0,0.0,0.058379129726908965,0.0,0.06586791380476664,0.0344781093390607,0.28343858254969445,0.04311253041863425,0.0,0.0,0.09359630241958854,0.03886778664607967,0.042863681491583316,0.062014016668417174,0.0,0.0360451833134638,0.0,0.0471610180569864,0.0,0.16438634237552513,0.02642463765847249,0.040517647261433136,0.0,0.16832978760714604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02799894656561001,0.0,0.08057009357427433,0.04293182463868589,0.0,0.17808864607239108,0.0454195366676476,0.0,0.0,0.06546806850820068,0.06615975695069944,0.05021866037737017,0.0,0.03822947485183889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03002288265005025,0.0,0.1260798701058572,0.08788617663285757,0.0,0.0,0.1593415038164886
ptsd,novaturientfox,2018/02/10,"Does Anyone Else Age Regress, Despite Not Having Childhood Trauma? So, title, I guess. This is my first time posting on Reddit, I want to see if there has been anyone else like me. I have PTSD from an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that lasted for 13 months. It ended two years ago, towards the middle of my Junior year of High school. I went through a lot of gaslighting, isolation, and being coerced into nearly every sexual situation. I have flashbacks, and random triggers. However.. Sometimes if my flashbacks or panic attacks get bad enough, I start to age regress. If I cannot pull myself out of a flashback, or nothing anyone else does can pull me out of it, I end up regressing. I know for a fact I have not personally experienced any childhood related trauma. Has anyone else experienced this?",6.17554171855542,8.147436205479455,6.7206102117061075,70.51934620174349,67.08219178082193,8.596762141967622,33.135740971357414,9.095868883498916,3.293515068493152,650,29,99,12,11,212,98,146,0.14800000000000002,0.8109999999999999,0.041,-0.9526,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,1,5,0,11,0,0,1,1,20,18,9,0,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,5,0,2,2,3,16,1,18,15,2,27,0,0,1,0,2,9,0,8,15,71,21,2,0.0,0.14098940417270656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548172867945664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092055847912415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328157811790897,0.4876970232362429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537378702377084,0.0,0.0,0.09935570474087184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082663387075584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39761961394500056,0.13385315685188104,0.21078818294371224,0.12295345894698555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025826851648607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012169335698682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216988240639808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131086210428665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572456117829758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539644138995228,0.09699666077401306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058134858659355075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116514113512942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498053048485967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141787396241699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961478304708572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390168745859918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396414487876713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390985773842078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775590470047155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042911122517184,0.0948234656656584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375516398384996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768892021197068,0.0,0.0842251464470806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693868367927231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624064905202462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018622820888973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030939080638466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325752606935258
ptsd,astralcasserole,2018/02/10,"Prazosin stopped the nightmares Hello all, first post here. Just found you guys and I'm really stoked to be around people who understand. Anyway, I recently went on prazosin (a friend with PTSD recommended it to me) and it's been AMAZING. The first few nights I slept 11-12 hours a night, and the violent and triggering nightmares have disappeared. I still have uncomfortable dreams but they're nowhere near how they used to be. No more waking up in a cold sweat with my heart pounding a mile a minute. It's a pretty safe medication, its meant for high blood pressure so the worst side effect is occasional dizziness, but it's so flipping worth it. Just thought I'd mention it here since it seems to not be widely known. ",5.45088888888889,7.138464348148147,5.058703703703706,82.8391666666667,68.48148148148148,8.362962962962964,29.796296296296298,8.841846274778883,2.3131629629629624,577,22,108,10,10,176,97,135,0.13,0.735,0.135,0.16699999999999998,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,3,10,6,1,1,10,0,7,6,5,4,1,25,16,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,7,0,2,7,1,1,2,2,3,0,2,6,1,7,3,12,7,4,20,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,1,8,68,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17509879125331512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33461454199891705,0.0,0.2156641161640216,0.1519648015304567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19475734986242416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330825778953101,0.0,0.20781733338943345,0.0,0.0,0.193703338119632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981478663745785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36916678679073794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363624093837087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883778672102512,0.20010785901863898,0.0,0.0,0.2299240113413872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600680263387784,0.0,0.1942109631144083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906224708470492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270677944413647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570795708722266,0.16444445577911834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615255647850812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047647238682833,0.0,0.16987990957286184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233671472263524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,igotgroped,2018/02/11,"Is there any corelation for ptsd suppressing ocd? Hello I recently went through a very long drawn out suicide attempt in which i experienced a lot of trauma and hallucinations. now that i'm recovering a feel a lot of manic happiness coming over me that i cannot describe.  

and especially, i dont feel my symptoms of my ongoing severe ocd. Does ptsd suppress your ocd?",5.872352941176473,7.6183062352941215,7.414000000000005,66.13100000000003,67.52941176470588,10.734117647058824,35.65882352941176,10.793553405168565,4.464655294117646,296,15,49,9,5,102,51,68,0.153,0.7929999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.7691,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,8,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,3,8,1,8,7,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943878108532102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929674474861413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230630869650547,0.0,0.2575475099846977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222625770049131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23392991098486865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447345576082087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736502976177147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5137562628256148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697842262606148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482570198125923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403728365822175,0.0,0.0,0.22840629448441585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813182753265072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037121494734012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Rdt767,2018/02/11,"I'm gonna go ahead and take a shower on my day off for once. Feels a bit pointless still but I figure maybe I should try to force myself back into good habits like how a normal person would live. I just started working 3rd shift 4 days a week and don't go in until Tuesday night so this is basically the start of my weekend. Tomorrow I might even take a shower AND shave.

As odd as it sounds, I think finding a 3rd shift job was the best thing that could have happened to me. I worked exclusively 1st shift and like 8 different jobs from mid-2013 up until last month and I experienced several traumatic events during that time, some related to having terrible coworkers including a borderline sexual assault incident from a female coworker I was never interested in but was depressed and lonely at the time.

It got to the point where I couldn't even go to work even at new jobs without being triggered. Usually I'd work a job for months or a year before having a mental breakdown at work and end up quitting, Now for the first time in I don't know how long I was actually able to focus on work and only work for an entire week, and my mind seems to be a bit more calm now that I'm adjusting to a completely new lifestyle.",8.494219977553314,6.4276519423868335,8.71022820800599,71.96087542087545,62.497942386831284,12.128544706322485,36.082678638234185,10.832165505486646,3.69604855967078,974,34,188,20,11,323,149,243,0.114,0.807,0.08,-0.8555,7,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,11,12,10,1,0,19,0,17,0,0,3,1,34,33,19,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,4,0,1,2,1,7,10,0,0,7,1,0,3,5,4,0,1,5,3,16,6,33,20,5,49,0,2,0,0,1,14,0,4,34,121,23,11,0.09734051842030793,0.0,0.09499030443962853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484885019359637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282961170773352,0.0,0.10215286864936787,0.0,0.21254127028347733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205968158282963,0.0,0.0,0.07771848328854364,0.0,0.0,0.12555316320185814,0.0,0.08383924588095235,0.0,0.0,0.10170012387597588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862148071238276,0.0,0.0,0.19287748312895944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921829086863559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889674703639828,0.08279779524188705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596257949416485,0.0816446085613386,0.0778521048063065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607789896707949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38638177857505823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053495803249321724,0.0793455143784788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511132088131673,0.0,0.08595346112610036,0.08614329567449358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977916342081268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809634783339977,0.10326290744937436,0.09828617494191526,0.0,0.15539254624074786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507500865835412,0.1880241585149928,0.0,0.09134748250990186,0.09537304070292699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366447526677702,0.0,0.07403185059039574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499398608578931,0.0,0.0,0.09201825314325726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103533623221245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861515211565173,0.0,0.10996707893794297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779623989358544,0.0,0.07773626375033155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463759113501686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466871515890926,0.06237187376586713,0.0,0.0,0.17028011724778447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660878224079473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720682887511157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616138477442468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383278615267658,0.0,0.4960553971097428,0.0,0.0,0.06914791144987538,0.0,0.0,0.06268410242842011
ptsd,Hour23,2018/02/11,"Any advice for dealing with triggering holidays? So, the TL;DR is that Mardi Gras is coming up on Tuesday (but people celebrate for days). I need any advice that might help me get through Monday, I have an important meeting at my university. 

Longer story is: I was sexually assaulted repeatedly in high school when I was 16. The first time was around Mardi Gras, and afterwards my attacker put a bead necklace on me and told me I had to wear it all day—his friends (he “knew everybody”) would tell him if I took it off. I wore it through my classes and later learned that he was bragging about it to them and the beads were “proof.”  

Since then, it’s been a really triggering holiday for me. It snuck up on me this year (isn’t it usually in March?), and I have a really important meeting with my advisor on Monday at my university. It’s time sensitive and I can’t miss it, but the last time I was out around this holiday someone put beads around my neck and I had a full blown panic attack alone in public.   

Please, does anyone have any tips for just getting through Monday? I’ll be staying home Tuesday for sure, but this meeting is incredibly important. ",5.793038138332257,6.4562228642533945,6.5845281189398825,75.97087104072398,66.96380090497738,10.477181641887526,32.980284421460894,10.451354775682146,3.492923464770524,907,38,170,23,14,300,124,221,0.075,0.812,0.113,0.6701,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,7,7,3,1,9,0,21,2,2,2,3,29,30,14,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,15,14,0,0,2,3,0,4,2,5,0,1,13,0,24,2,29,14,2,42,0,1,0,0,13,18,0,2,19,116,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264222649586284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400216028898064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758124084956564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453172749259724,0.0,0.0,0.3610575558769234,0.0,0.30760844090348743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645881725015235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743796240100873,0.13938046254786884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831035599835205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499708995727455,0.0,0.0,0.10445158687690186,0.0,0.14126797379781658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906185888270256,0.1428413029493676,0.1356119524972262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020224908201544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434208945119102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024563401244888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862260591354918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372742837183567,0.0,0.0,0.14840388855778902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718173224674495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321919760156138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682490516743429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118349850584578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455057566344395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410024765860766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742001110112422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816668903133612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365004756934932,0.0,0.0,0.12918494420451412,0.15020700090229935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889857040478807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603889294549947,0.0,0.0,0.08706136853998374
ptsd,lilykai,2018/02/11,"PTSD from Witnessing Pet Cruelty TW animal cruelty, animal torture, animal death

I'm pretty new to the idea of me having PTSD, since I always thought of PTSD in the context of war/physical harm. However, in the past two years, I think I've pinpointed that my emotional issues stem from a specific incidence of trauma from when I was a kid, but I'm doubting if this memory was actually 'traumatic enough'. 

When I was around 7 years old, I had a pet parakeet. My older brother, around 14 at the time, offered me a quarter if he could have my her. In my mind, since we lived in the same house, he could have the bird but she would still be here in the house, so it didnt matter. I don't remember much of the events that happened after that moment, but I remember that he had had a friend over and they were joking around. Anyways, we had the kind of glass windows that shut closed. At some point, my brother put the bird in the windowsill and smashed the glass slider against her, basically killing her violently. 

I believe I suppressed this memory, or blocked out most of it, since I don't remember much of what happened afterwards. 

I'm making this post because I have told only one person in my life about this situation, and while she is incredibly supportive and helpful with my emotional issues, I still feel in the back of my mind that this /isn't/ PTSD, and my issues don't stem from this experience at all. 

For the entirety of my life, I have felt an extreme, often paranoid fear of people close to me hurting me physically or even killing me. I am currently seeing a wonderful guy, but I feel like I have PTSD glasses on and am searching obsessively for signs that he's a sociopath. This obsessive fear, of someone close to me turning out to be a sociopath/someone who will violently hurt me, has been a ever present theme in my life, and I am wondering if this worry is directly caused by the experience with the bird, or if it's coming from something else. Thanks for support everyone. <3",8.699252472367657,7.171010379581156,8.749493891797558,70.13214077952297,61.696335078534034,12.467946480511928,39.54682955206515,11.429527900616536,4.475345084351368,1583,70,292,38,18,520,194,382,0.182,0.735,0.083,-0.9921,2,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,2,0,1,0,15,21,5,5,26,0,32,3,0,2,2,60,52,22,3,7,11,2,3,1,1,2,3,0,3,3,20,20,0,2,11,1,0,2,5,14,0,3,13,4,43,7,49,33,7,47,0,2,1,0,22,24,0,13,21,210,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.07546679460711342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434805425246608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20653087469937234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059465045800845225,0.0,0.047142067479530654,0.0,0.0,0.08712889660875907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944328501891144,0.0,0.06661636351775238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348975719391513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460260475864618,0.1739806042665742,0.0,0.07990665886174561,0.0,0.05107835474893545,0.06995299909743569,0.0,0.07389591795066261,0.0,0.1512949146418076,0.0,0.17404442224522593,0.07820475299681047,0.055247400286478364,0.07425273430562616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059748029781649566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657278410910902,0.13677234029056146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183532683317693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846602587638766,0.16557521869775976,0.08730063373917593,0.0,0.24214970344036185,0.0,0.0,0.17111714932315347,0.08053142442387577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386980025684353,0.03778146917259032,0.0,0.06828730821361385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05162102236835149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617051910333565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369872536078472,0.0,0.0,0.07468962561776264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114898764456141,0.0,0.05240349632889371,0.058815965438248616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382402043162516,0.053613634308089575,0.0675250356193216,0.0,0.0,0.07310559378700653,0.0,0.07406456170724476,0.07867644480680318,0.0,0.0,0.4519963352957188,0.07774199494495572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262812922102647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162515790874362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919143658136426,0.08692661720125099,0.0,0.0,0.1310496357381441,0.059535464709617014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351800922375505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551533482354628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119872513338586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955248237719942,0.0,0.061394530187233814,0.04509405708937705,0.0,0.0,0.07389591795066261,0.0,0.0,0.08411714727593347,0.07554404706640218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677307731166764,0.0,0.07853639567641837,0.0,0.054935830153225486,0.0,0.0,0.09960107636255387
ptsd,kittyt_rubble,2018/02/11,"Too Much Interaction Upfront: I'm venting, but also open to advice. Feel free to comment as you will. Also, I've been diagnosed with PTSD for about 5 years now, and GAD for about as long. 

Recently I accepted a gig as a paid intern, and the job is very cool. I'm about 10 yrs older than the other interns (non-traditional student returned to school) and generally I don't spend time with them. But today, we went out on a pre-planned group outing and had a blast. I genuinely enjoyed the company and would have loved to continue hanging out with them, but after a few hours I was feeling unusually fatigued and overly panicked. 

In conjunction with my PTSD/GAD symptoms, I've begun to experience a number of memory and speech issues. Oftentimes I find it difficult to recall words, even if I know internally what they are. Medical tests performed over recent months have not been able to pinpoint a singular cause, so I'm often left with the frustration of forgetting my words in mid conversation and whatnot. This too has taken a toll on me.

Towards the end of the social gathering, I was finding myself increasingly anxious and having a far more difficult time forming words. To the point of frustration. When I got home, I tried to follow through with my normal relaxation techniques, but they haven't helped. My speech has improved slightly, but my chest still hurts and my breathing is shallow. Internally, I can feel myself breaking. I just want to feel well, to coherently express myself, and to not feel overwhelmed when having fun.

Am I okay/will I be okay? Sure, as okay as I can be. 

But the frustration at this moment is overwhelming, I am so ashamed of myself and my brain. I hate all of this, so much. ",5.323584905660379,7.094236216981133,5.9787578616352235,75.79757075471701,68.90566037735849,9.073584905660377,31.803459119496857,9.516144504307137,3.1660289308176104,1359,59,234,30,24,442,185,318,0.129,0.731,0.139,0.1384,2,0,0,1,0,0,47.0,1,1,4,1,18,22,4,3,17,3,25,8,3,1,2,53,42,31,0,4,10,0,5,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,6,22,0,0,9,1,3,4,4,11,1,0,9,8,34,12,47,29,7,40,0,4,0,1,15,15,0,2,20,171,40,4,0.13198038295586545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289697027409214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21108932913321315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910026601768828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733375591202036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558020896535974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339573105349675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689544544581898,0.0,0.0,0.08717179820571241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291021395807684,0.0,0.0,0.3336662359464322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24125535799084796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055567688872393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030330418583785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846366866824393,0.0,0.13238708512739952,0.0,0.12997409178791708,0.0,0.14128772963746086,0.0,0.0,0.13775323022593547,0.13097016517652338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253296688734419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433970722509365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679848573549485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911744847585083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329563507875304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534548250907112,0.0,0.1940415346601118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931275320813962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476412172305795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30855600986984505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062941187376004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357119364769848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345373797419636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539970431456494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438994901222852,0.137178152277221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391764531937974,0.0,0.12510197098103934,0.0,0.0,0.08960601660716447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889763804245664,0.07784544936118115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866621448412022,0.1223471372549626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375507734966876,0.0,0.0,0.08499103947674876
ptsd,jhilljr,2018/02/12,"Would anyone be interested in telling their story? I am entertaining the idea of writing a short book that consists of people's PTSD stories and possibly how we can help as a society. 

I have been diagnosed with PTSD from an accident I had in late 2016. I was hit by a car on the highway and barely survived. I have been in therapy ever since but I have also begun to understand that telling my story was not only an inspiration to others but also very cathartic for myself. I'm not sure how I would go about doing this but I was thinking maybe skype or phone conversations to be recorded for the book. I am in no way a writer but I feel like this is the next step for me. 

Please PM me if you are interested. Thank you",3.148333333333333,4.926334944444445,4.905277777777782,81.26750000000001,74.55555555555556,7.855555555555558,26.583333333333336,8.59863814320734,1.9803583333333328,568,21,111,11,12,193,95,144,0.07400000000000001,0.7859999999999999,0.14,0.8270000000000001,0,0,0,1,0,0,8.0,1,2,1,1,6,7,0,0,10,0,19,1,0,2,2,24,26,13,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,3,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,1,18,7,18,15,0,14,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,5,86,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828793210823272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366880576041213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951524699873525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998540494435642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942875386472701,0.12635309166150108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051701247917456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854953841618597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19966016355077187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951252951144027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640778412588686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768564960879202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880989765434289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451454789986858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226166012320804,0.0,0.0,0.1941457345057009,0.0,0.19938981817957968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413493732469872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463053665817762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669409330416055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091773249211321,0.16283443196081954,0.2022616624891715,0.0,0.0,0.11332857863709442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841237229998223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593295664642028,0.0,0.1403879827236048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25128103573590305,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wish-i-was-a-dalek,2018/02/12,"I got triggered at work This actually happened abiut a year ago, but I was just remembering it.

I used to work at a fast food restaurant. A guest came in one afternoon who looked just like a family member of mine. That alone wouldn't have triggered me although my family has always been abusive assholes and I recently went no contact with most of them. Also, there was no one else on register and I thought I could handle it. He just made uncomfortable, it wasn't his fault.

Then he came up to the counter and placed his order. I forget why but suddenly he started getting all pissy with me. Then he was full on yelling at me and I was panicking. I was almost crying it was horrible.

My boss, who had been in the kitchen, heard the commotion and came out. He handled the customer calmly, I'm not exactly sure what happened, but the next thing I knew the angry man was gone and my boss was telling me to go in the kitchen for a minute to cool down.

I was able to get back to work after a few minutes and he never spoke of it to me again. I've always been so grateful. That's how people should handle this.",2.594004524886877,4.615327529411768,3.776513574660637,87.66811877828056,76.87330316742081,6.772941176470589,25.52963800904977,7.7348632917899725,1.3846414479638005,868,32,176,13,20,282,129,221,0.181,0.748,0.071,-0.9812,0,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,1,3,9,5,0,0,13,1,19,3,0,7,4,40,39,16,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,2,1,13,13,3,0,3,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,25,5,23,4,25,11,4,34,0,0,1,0,17,13,0,2,15,125,36,5,0.13509414219080676,0.16006446773849733,0.13183239521393336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197528059380386,0.0,0.13527726909568433,0.1399167890481072,0.0,0.10803473670181893,0.22481829693768707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387905648099093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4635351275284748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078616798289612,0.0,0.14839457166438813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285382089871612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547094683734672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335637297830824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116222697920272,0.0,0.07677711425276397,0.0,0.10804712659474132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389266075681488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600017400572727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344505511114188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278293437806471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419293074724163,0.0,0.14367415282955104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830865740247416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365726825627144,0.0,0.14114462526693708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333891675346715,0.0,0.15303532807305706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562032916838692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732463024133378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807823479011452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975054522774989,0.0,0.0,0.10724965873738404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667796377406553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523362326117204,0.12190145077756033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950504334351261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699619833544432
ptsd,troturaov,2018/02/12,"PTSD Maybe? My dad had OCD and BiPolar disorder. Which meant he would get really upset when things were not exactly right. What constituted ""exactly right"" was unknown to anyone but him. I have ADHD. So cleaning my room wasn't easy for me, and I was always behind.

The consequence of this is that whenever my dad would get in a certain mood, he would come to my room, because he knew it would be messy. Then he would become enraged and shout at me for hours. He would ask questions that had no answer, like why is this shirt on the floor. He would accuse me of all kinds of things, like doing it on purpose to hurt him, or not caring about him or my mother. He would often leave after a while, and I would begin frantically cleaning, trying to get things in order before he inevitably came back. When he did, I was never done (it would be like 40 minutes later). Then he would get angrier.

He never hit me, but he would sometimes threaten to, and he often threw things around or trashed my room worse either during his first visit or his second. If he messed things up the first time, he would often ""forget"" and get mad at me when he came back up.

He is dead now, for maybe 5 or 6 years. But to this day, when I clean, my heart races, I get sweaty, I feel the need to clean until everything is clean, my attention gets fractured (I ""ADD out""), and I get really upset. If anyone is around when it happens, I often lash out at them. I also get really paranoid. I've tried dealing with it for years (I'm almost 35). Just thinking about those events I went through over and over as a kid are making me get all amped up. 

Now I'm married and I have my first child, who is under 1 year old. I need to tackle this issue so that I can make my life with them smoother. Is this PTSD? Something else? Any strategies on handling it? Any and all thoughts would be helpful.

Thank you.

",3.118396396396399,4.747537740540544,3.826486486486491,89.5955855855856,74.29729729729729,6.338738738738741,22.333333333333336,6.88968998030894,0.5391603603603605,1444,37,297,13,30,458,187,370,0.156,0.7709999999999999,0.073,-0.9875,0,0,1,0,1,0,61.0,0,1,2,3,21,15,2,3,7,0,38,4,2,2,8,74,70,33,1,18,14,3,1,3,0,14,2,1,8,2,23,20,0,0,8,0,0,6,6,7,0,4,16,2,39,7,42,36,4,60,0,1,0,0,36,24,0,13,32,202,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075853887882213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728875817622977,0.0,0.0,0.0537379511070664,0.05591384316581557,0.07280864558967957,0.0,0.09139343757768684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939723442773422,0.0,0.0,0.11964034314108622,0.0628207488951456,0.0,0.0,0.1033417182036728,0.0,0.040963074924083714,0.074214545247387,0.057180266429480535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537124618740865,0.06851250137956502,0.0,0.0,0.05788484120117455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04333693696572049,0.06927784543612209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701434966983188,0.0,0.0,0.06876654526111714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613502929561665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039293138840341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03397716018520812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714749071289915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510800823493509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942267620419096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962956054694037,0.04504118063349167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617616739192611,0.0,0.07193649379116501,0.0,0.0,0.07013690726214021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997603093777702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115262821247513,0.0,0.0,0.047463700431540384,0.09848815942135583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970993085319115,0.0,0.13501817968978627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965243925597353,0.10365396888319453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051264907592482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571009566448835,0.0,0.07527676746845408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914564113197027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147728832297326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051732048082089414,0.06646021224478411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061866584731450215,0.0,0.0,0.22321572479938173,0.04305755256009757,0.0,0.053347442622888035,0.0391835008081714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124561168690826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229291179136396,0.06063544376329015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848016491297254,0.6682941384750662,0.0,0.0,0.1298192857789984
ptsd,rastafiki,2018/02/12,"There's no going back, getting free from or curing PTSD/C-PTSD. You just need to adapt to it and move forward It fucking sucks. It's horrid. Judging and assumptions from people who don't have a fucking clue doesn't help. Being on edge doesn't help. Not sleeping doesn't help. Privileged pussies whose faces haven't been punched yet can irk. Thinking about everyone and everything that caused this shit to start, how you are now fucked up because of actions and events not your doing doesn't help. Heart rate through the roof doesn't help. Your mind racing through every scenario you may have to go through to protect yourself or others an uncountable amount of times a day doesn't help. Your mind putting you back in the countless scenarios that have happened, replaying it in a different way to which it happened doesn't help. Fantasizing on revenge to anyone who was involved or benefitted from it doesn't help. Being set off out of the motherfucking blue by the last thing you'd expect doesn't help. Being so drained after an episode that you don't have any energy doesn't help. 

This shit isn't easy. But we can't change it. It's apart of what and who we are. The idea of happiness still has attachments to what was in our mind. Neither you or I could define happiness or joy like most. We need to find our own definition but a quick heads up, it will be unique to you. Our whole lives are unique to us because we don't fit the template of society. There's no books or media or education on how people with PTSD/C-PTSD live, no format. We just gotta do our best with the hand we were dealt. Which means we will forever be different. But fuck it, we've been through worse aye?",3.929226513098463,5.838779332317076,3.933753387533877,88.49670280036136,72.75,7.298283649503162,26.78229448961157,8.045849151850463,1.5423289069557369,1343,48,270,20,27,411,172,328,0.174,0.75,0.076,-0.9742,2,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,12,11,0,1,14,15,7,0,13,0,42,11,7,3,0,45,58,18,0,4,14,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,25,15,0,1,4,1,1,6,22,7,0,0,5,2,24,9,39,42,6,32,0,0,1,4,38,13,7,9,14,180,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691870759558097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852481893403669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871989930042532,0.0,0.10204519473678418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783773519423528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598271059924012,0.08854324883448808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682744836298768,0.0,0.0,0.05397942146870716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748968710981798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705206584949768,0.07997870840945846,0.07522394810053099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650006510885049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30951632090914943,0.04372967048731282,0.0,0.09513700595655196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803084427317748,0.17819990372654235,0.0,0.0,0.08590010205969352,0.0,0.0,0.09918461965900427,0.5610218541256325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448684208034626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822647638755601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089147533498432,0.0,0.14781684464167258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911735770401782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535386951521206,0.0,0.0,0.08895959972515899,0.0,0.12412462429538725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605375084347495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39136216565462895,0.08414137772838172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183320352130904,0.0,0.0,0.08376020786114284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059243121561662435,0.0,0.0668427371699963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560640197953804,0.05363142713318611,0.0,0.0,0.048806003673419696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068050667673392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643697429512771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344779394828866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529720702244976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ThrowsLikeaHuman,2018/02/12,"Saw one of my abusers today Prayed very hard for God to take vengeance on her and her cohorts.

I don't know what else to do. ",2.2411111111111133,3.131454777777776,2.3490740740740783,102.26583333333336,75.2962962962963,5.4,24.61111111111111,3.1291,-0.2044666666666668,97,3,25,0,2,29,24,27,0.17800000000000002,0.742,0.08,-0.4459,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.491555004486873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465719857879931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716434636004741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22800258097045356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811277324310645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119318110263528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932497661714241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423125180282485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway163103,2018/02/12,"Realizing how much of my childhood I don't remember I was talking to a friend that I've known since elementary/middle school, and she started mentioning all of these memories she has of me, and how she cherishes them. Despite her describing these moments in solid detail, I can't bring myself to remember anything she brought up. I feel guilty and horrible, partly because she finds these moments so special, but also because I know everything she described happened in the timeframe where I was being sexually abused. I knew I had memory lapses because of my trauma, but until now I never thought about exactly how bad it actually is. 

Has anyone else experienced this?",9.978515406162463,9.537308714285713,9.993739495798321,58.73778011204485,58.495798319327726,12.975350140056026,45.043417366946784,12.161744961471696,6.006595518207281,543,30,78,15,6,180,85,119,0.141,0.795,0.064,-0.9063,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,3,3,20,17,11,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,9,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,2,21,3,11,10,3,13,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,7,65,27,1,0.0,0.2395815517710233,0.1973243047960264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170440716725362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413874357733605,0.2071843808168724,0.1663986608833376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883392095169766,0.3697894845199478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891752377158392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173009886062094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224164546261258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848130116289018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622418443733652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881047620788093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111273645026198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864499052074773,0.0,0.1559540626641593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189698563140207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581209295673362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046437001066302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726724652742306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312275026863028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252586713259876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605293169074476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jorblax,2018/02/12,"What can I do to help my dad? I'm on mobile, sorry for the formatting. 

My dad was a firefighter my entire life, I'm not entirely sure how long he was a firefighter, I think it was close to 30 years. At 24 I'm noticing more and more that my dad seems haunted by what he's done and what he's seen. When Grenfell tower was on fire, we watched it live and he told me that he could smell it, despite us living the other side of the country. He recently rejected a gift that was given to him that had a picture of Batman on the chest with hero above it, he refused to wear it because of the word hero.

My mum, brother and me have all tried to get him to try therapy, or group therapy but he's pretty against it. He drinks most nights, but i don't think he's an alcoholic. I try and talk to him about stuff, involve him in stuff that hopefully doesn't remind him, we've recently as a family made a playlist of what we think are the greatest song intros of all time, we talk about everything and nothing in particular. He likes playing strategy games and routinely destroys me at chess, however I'm still worried about him. I guess I'm after whatever advice you can give me.

Thank you in advance.

Edit: tldr

Dad was a firefighter for a long time, I'm pretty sure he's suffering, refuses therapy, any advice?",3.715095693779901,4.787414560606064,5.11531100478469,83.13638755980863,71.95454545454545,8.891228070175439,29.046251993620416,9.276330184999452,2.4371015151515154,1020,40,209,22,19,342,140,264,0.09,0.7809999999999999,0.13,0.9325,2,1,2,0,3,0,30.0,4,2,0,3,6,11,1,0,15,0,16,5,2,2,4,33,35,13,0,2,4,6,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,18,12,2,2,4,5,0,1,3,3,0,0,12,5,26,8,30,22,6,22,0,2,2,0,40,10,0,5,12,125,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291711322439643,0.0,0.12531577245064798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974113503750838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148088912393452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362293715430113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999816435547757,0.0,0.11487061101249245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538614204242172,0.0,0.11054272744476426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061263751528772975,0.11248691982072218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917561870317626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859721578129898,0.0,0.0,0.11646609676696575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828245319533827,0.05728753856707531,0.0,0.20708627211179206,0.20754363739330306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109546841679884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100409999314646,0.0,0.1125145756023456,0.13350181292449284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23859209103811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315611191846087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674952040225233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126348669831367,0.0,0.0,0.09364435624260682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684703488184381,0.0,0.0,0.22103319499903296,0.0,0.0,0.1884990348499201,0.0,0.10795767875973764,0.4022926721604639,0.0,0.0,0.22540730740065384,0.0,0.0,0.13675103648577722,0.0,0.0,0.11204739630980788,0.0,0.2388364690929035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104989761182676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908369088769975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551189284589192
ptsd,cbielich,2018/02/12,"Husband dealing with ADHD, PTSD, APD and possible DID wife, just venting... So just to get the acronyms out of the way I am the husband that has a wife that is dealing with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder), PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder), APD (Auditory processing disorder) and possible (from her father) DID (Dissociative identity disorder) or otherwise known as split personality disorder. The only reason I am writing to reddit is because when I Google anything related to these symptoms I get a ton of articles related to women dealing with their men with these disorders, but here in my case it is the opposite.

Now we all know that men and women are WAY different in the way we process and think, so I am trying to find other men who have gone through similar situations and maybe get some advice.

I love my family beyond believe, I have 2 kids (girls) age 10 and 12 and the most important thing to me is to spend as much time as I can with them and enjoy every minute I can with them. The most important thing in my life is to make as much family time as possible. I want to be there with them at all costs.

The problem is that my relationship with my wife many times makes that situation extremely difficult.

At this point I am so confused in my current situation that I need to hear from other men who deal with the same situation with their wives (If there are any out there) and just hear your stories. I want to make it work so bad, I just find myself so confused at times.",9.308387888707037,7.668231109929078,9.440212765957448,66.01730769230771,60.59574468085107,13.641462084015277,40.486633933442455,12.502718667466526,5.0980885979268935,1191,53,215,35,13,396,143,282,0.093,0.845,0.062,-0.8826,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,2,1,5,1,16,8,0,3,12,0,20,3,0,4,2,52,35,23,0,5,7,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,9,17,23,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,6,0,0,3,2,31,2,41,31,9,24,0,0,0,1,36,11,0,7,8,157,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885139039515216,0.07664034613823957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053334712194246715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645407507753273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548531073939652,0.047809861836311175,0.0,0.0,0.08836312727743112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234292566909789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194207737439821,0.5393216340255563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660801902127229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787260177975467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336618408174978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292844417840305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17679136963098932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043102771973093035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05539703657690605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078563638029133,0.0,0.15705679105089929,0.0795151474415928,0.07879291933433036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530933285486715,0.05815443983769805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964912723848818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848156638131178,0.0,0.0,0.07414117634819246,0.2652522456568668,0.07511372859766588,0.0,0.0,0.07504638692561044,0.18335964879258151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806385320681875,0.0,0.08420387274110436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35263192986555003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984066448775051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151822365792359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042100768277636,0.05025442164005268,0.0,0.0,0.18293136082909106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053248445044782815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251943762811683,0.18676092902163705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05709757019361395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hahaamanda,2018/02/12,"Sexual traumitization and in need for treatment. This isn't actually for me (F21) this is for my best friend and roommate (20F). i met my roommate in high school and we quickly became best friends. while we had a sleepover one night, we watched a movie that had an explicit sex scene in it, and she started to cry and wail to the point of nearly passing out. i was so terrified i almost got my parents until she begged me not to. we stayed up for hours talking about her past. ever since she was a young child, her parents were swingers, and would force her to watch them having sex; whether it would be just them, a threesome, gang bang, house party, etc. i don't know how they found the most corrupted people to actually let a child watch them participate. due to this, my friend has severe PTSD. anything sexual is off-limits to her. Anything sexual that shows up in conversation or on TV makes her cry and scream. I cant tell you the amount of nightmares she has had in the past. She believes that sexually-active parents don't love their children and that if a child died, the parents would just have a sex party on that child's corpse. that terrifies me. that is far from normal. that is demented thinking. i am pregnant myself, and as a woman who is *very* sexually active, i can tell you that that child is my number one priority and that even though I haven't met him yet, my boyfriend and I would give our lives up just so he can live happy. i'm afraid to have sex with my boyfriend because she's almost always here, and if she even hears us having sex, i don't know what she'll do. she was given to a foster care in sixth grade and her parents were put in prison for fifteen years for child abandonment and sexual abuse involving a child. Her foster family didn't care for her either. She never had a safe childhood. i knew she was a little off when we first met, but it only started to get worse. We tried therapy, medical marijuana, and she's currently on medication that i have to keep because i'm afraid she'll overdose. The other day she relapsed so hard, i caught her slicing her thighs open because she looked up sexually-active parents and getting caught be their kids. I'm afraid for her and i love her so much. i'm begging anyone for help.",4.936508295625945,5.909956029411768,5.373194570135745,82.78111915535445,69.02262443438914,8.246274509803923,28.307993966817488,8.447377352677275,1.8831192156862744,1783,60,352,26,30,570,214,442,0.091,0.8440000000000001,0.065,-0.9071,7,0,0,0,1,0,55.0,8,2,6,3,17,16,0,3,19,0,43,10,1,2,3,58,73,32,1,8,10,6,1,0,3,6,2,2,0,10,21,26,0,3,5,2,0,4,9,5,0,3,20,7,69,11,44,44,7,47,0,1,4,7,78,22,0,6,20,244,90,3,0.0,0.09600386834415828,0.15814153000265765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622738802147754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742104130138725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665603494578225,0.0,0.13335680492925414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818011121673094,0.0,0.0,0.09128979896976944,0.17006589291056212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652250649798677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780089375529688,0.05225577874117211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409334120681769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036663927632486,0.10703527574038207,0.07329365426963735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638514222808879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892161309326356,0.0,0.08884203707085422,0.1878040181812054,0.0,0.08466663492249958,0.07772858122755183,0.0,0.0,0.06480477686973457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625485868008691,0.07258436965301959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132343484478142,0.0,0.05431075969413005,0.08560958385357112,0.0,0.0,0.07979537556857344,0.0934943988694518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720206128213892,0.0,0.0,0.08906075440515734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828557033821657,0.0,0.0,0.0812104445841205,0.1430968342684325,0.0,0.06804235998822114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626024936431736,0.0,0.054086220967327535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325256517475073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956424438560839,0.060080570771502764,0.062493097607348426,0.0,0.0,0.07603844798280439,0.0793893580336524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981212505557728,0.06162476365540071,0.0,0.0,0.5398260591025811,0.0,0.15469907795585927,0.056173991505961515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0765968033584685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471634828454956,0.08145461914779226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200375486871911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153756383748536,0.0,0.06702645756821912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470280221722212,0.08636411164369429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651265167763444,0.14164252025778407,0.0,0.09266155476894554,0.0,0.0,0.05191889637923885,0.07960871807914513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501208471638825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746562925833664,0.0,0.0,0.06685584647367554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257354110378988,0.23023731901230965,0.0,0.0,0.052178798264479125
ptsd,soup-medic,2018/02/13,"Anyone else having the ""trigger"" stigma make their life a living hell? When I say trigger stigma I of course mean things like ""TRIGGERED!!!!"" Jokes and the general disdain around the idea of being decent to those with trauma. I'm sick of hearing ""just get over it""",2.7837500000000013,5.735146541666674,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,83.58333333333334,4.033333333333334,20.5,5.46131890053228,0.17072500000000046,206,6,34,1,6,63,40,48,0.26,0.6609999999999999,0.078,-0.9094,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,4,0,11,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,2,7,6,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22034497871554484,0.3228861018065695,0.0,0.2805309271112793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632491916735435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464148865842765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35517240707650044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557414031568184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225843814321103,0.1539557306873478,0.0,0.27826399192348444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035053404733975,0.0,0.0,0.3432670148878407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506026090869187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20935718698146225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BelieveinSteven101,2018/02/13,"PTSD is causing major problems for college and family Before the spring semester of college starts I had intense anxiety at night time. Due to stress and anxiety that taking the bus causes for due to past trauma
It’s causing me to constantly want to drop out

So for last two weeks my mother kept calling Uber to drive me to school, however she doesn’t want to pay or call them due to her being very busy with her teaching job and having to go to college so she hardly around 
My father is also very busy with being a delivery man for a truck company and  is constantly far away in Albany and Brooklyn, if work starts later he can drive me to school, but anything can happen if he said he can drive me one day but can’t the new day, and it cause him to be late to work
I sometimes miss my appointments with my social worker and I had missed 4 appointments in a row with a psychologist, and I might miss a 5th today, it was an appointment to discuss medication plan
However, my mother doesn’t even want me to take meds because she wants me to believe in God, do yoga, and take a natural brain pill from the Dominican Republic, she said “it’s been a year you get get over it”

Today I tried calling Uber but it didn’t work nor did my mom come from lunch break so I could at least ask her wait for the bus with me so I’m about miss a class for the 2nd time due to ptsd

I feel no matter I will terrible if I take the bus I come to school feeling very anxious, if I take a Uber or if my father drive me , I feel like being a hinderance and is making waste their time and money
My parents care and try to understand ptsd but they are very busy and they don’t really understand, my mother thinks I’m just feeling sorry for myself",6.017504485645933,5.303057332386366,6.686967703349287,80.11772129186606,66.58522727272727,10.02416267942584,30.174043062200962,9.414487439383343,2.396520454545455,1359,41,280,23,19,449,174,352,0.099,0.836,0.066,-0.8638,4,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,4,5,9,10,0,1,18,0,27,4,1,5,0,56,64,30,0,11,12,7,5,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,7,22,1,2,7,1,2,7,7,8,0,2,9,7,43,2,44,48,2,43,0,4,0,0,32,10,0,8,25,175,50,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450396488594777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234097258371567,0.09112311231631268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637650492472869,0.07180471467491964,0.07540643618451176,0.0,0.07578295076985637,0.0,0.0,0.04916973371871058,0.0,0.06863592343868398,0.09087646924517964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004350392213595,0.2470893705682895,0.0,0.08223849053029454,0.3314411419749973,0.0,0.1389633094432676,0.0,0.1743301289989604,0.0,0.06440063835606605,0.0,0.0,0.10403836405045888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327532787749505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603929581199201,0.0,0.16313696390428178,0.0576236916617345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428329267298876,0.0,0.04584107327880688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132758395770226,0.0,0.07225573186591983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004284224449704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574886128043744,0.09098826417337988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039406519018805534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053841336620239294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959534322899237,0.08125670603794838,0.0,0.08556776814021243,0.0,0.09446829837111527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790216253816573,0.0,0.07569417128247584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465746621189098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956365116257876,0.0,0.07699932609539842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771809563959262,0.2828625128667537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05167301524734659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345271873536462,0.0,0.0,0.24489740775256374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222295702353058,0.0,0.0,0.07977503996028737,0.09029253506843248,0.11418346623242252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923960325402928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032323114150172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168382495413314,0.0,0.0,0.14110090400747172,0.0,0.15291295256770307,0.0,0.0,0.10952601673485096,0.0,0.0787933342105028,0.16794030921184236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266212582106238,0.19030199784113636,0.0,0.06470077927731943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616484640872568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194255009042819
ptsd,pretty-bird7,2018/02/13,Today I was diagnosed with PTSD I would be grateful to hear some advice from people who I can relate too. What are your coping methods? How do you manage night terrors. Thank you,2.491176470588236,5.275364294117646,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,82.52941176470588,4.576470588235295,20.264705882352946,5.985473137389443,0.33296470588235305,142,4,24,1,4,45,31,34,0.097,0.755,0.14800000000000002,0.2263,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,4,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,6,1,3,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,20,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405472990580133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537171856819682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927815208193632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32704088813777943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24160398534841554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073744202558077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208492758596089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303344694064272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475623164654641,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nightfol,2018/02/13,"My PTSD is what could make end my relationship Hello there, 

Im 17 and in a stable relationship for the first time in my life. 

The thing is that I was raised by a single mom in a household in which there was no man, except one. He was the closest thing that resembled a father figure to me. When I was 7, he physically abused my mom and i heard the whole scene from my bedroom on the first floor. I hadn't realized until a year ago, but this gave me ptsd and shaped the way I interact with men and boys. 

Now I'm dating a boy who is very sweet, very understanding and such, but I often find myself thinking about ending it because his behavior feels too ""man-ish"" to me, and it makes me uncomfortable and scares me. It puts me in a very irritated state - a response to feeling threatened by men in my case - and often starts ""discourse"" between us. Luckily he is very understanding and we talked about it a lot, but whenever he asks me what he's doing that makes me uncomfortable, I can't answer, I can't put it into words, which means he can't change his behavior perfectly and that the cycle will start over again.

I'm fighting as hard as I can against the effects of my ptsd on my relationship, as it is very important to me to make it work, but I know when we end it, it will be partly caused by it. I know if I spend my life with someone else, it will be a woman, and that any relationship with a man will be shaped by my defense mechanisms and will end up being unbearable. 

For now I'm hopeful but it still feels like a fatality. Im just trying to enjoy the time we have together. ",6.134594446474239,5.225257885093171,7.005133357690902,78.57554439166972,66.4223602484472,10.433613445378151,31.052977712824262,9.773937934552695,2.5741696748264515,1237,39,263,23,17,415,158,322,0.099,0.7979999999999999,0.103,0.3048,0,0,0,0,4,1,35.0,4,0,0,5,15,9,2,1,21,0,26,2,0,6,1,54,48,24,1,3,8,3,4,1,0,5,2,1,1,7,25,19,0,1,14,0,1,2,5,4,0,3,7,6,38,5,37,31,4,39,0,0,0,0,34,15,0,5,21,186,63,1,0.0,0.10728490218433806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026558456653947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061575933681514636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465041627310403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055197389479353764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930180235860929,0.09578807124217936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229543154320757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564146688712957,0.0,0.3207955905825203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13735178921170374,0.06468770748458627,0.0,0.0,0.08275948514579141,0.1540406370416324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111347107827124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993487046922817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561535556212611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952593046113503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791385235148864,0.04423731457953503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698090742941227,0.0,0.0,0.2417667131994609,0.0,0.0,0.09863361925259777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209809629935056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135785619079576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805496058569887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175382722455866,0.1820520568276695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888598528289983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065462197680907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672126162165721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818107362121672,0.0,0.07231197131732052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277927548616239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031250410279908,0.05801967999453386,0.0,0.0,0.10559885747256753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147633662631845,0.0,0.0,0.18852790031119687,0.10891842882653877,0.0,0.0,0.3735590592905441,0.0,0.07187300794431399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109391807923628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592022438993976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831012191959849
ptsd,StrayDogRun,2018/02/14,"Zoloft? Anyone been prescribed zoloft for ptsd?  How was it?  Specifically.
Does it really address the worst parts of complex ptsd?  The negative self-talk?  The intrusive memories?  The urge to fight or escape?
",3.5523529411764687,5.7720540882352935,3.420441176470587,78.10948529411766,111.05882352941177,7.582352941176469,24.838235294117645,7.6454224807358475,3.04324705882353,165,7,24,5,8,50,28,34,0.275,0.685,0.04,-0.8984,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206961465570644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27621033021612224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417970149633603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7379102015296629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022009458325247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32927139153164164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536917965575567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SickWaves,2018/02/14,"How to have a normal relationship Having mental health problems is the worst. Trying to tell your ""normal"" partner about symptoms and pain is the most counterproductive thing. It's like teaching a blind person to paint; you are introducing a new sensory, a foreign feeling. By the end of the day, your partner can say I'm not ok with this and walk away. But you can't shove your symptoms in a broom closet and tell it to shut the hell up. ",6.482857142857143,6.797431095238098,6.554857142857145,77.99014285714289,65.42857142857143,8.624761904761906,31.08571428571429,8.238735603445708,2.177888571428572,348,12,65,4,5,111,62,84,0.211,0.745,0.044,-0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,5,0,0,2,6,1,0,10,1,7,5,0,1,0,12,9,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,2,0,5,1,2,3,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,3,5,2,11,9,2,8,1,0,1,0,12,4,1,1,4,45,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864404735744287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635389956107802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726290682680494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690460866971667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473862201541805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329329157340247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130702121503539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419897493136285,0.0,0.0,0.41431010358324605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22497484418946795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461122199533486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230853248199734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269950975846412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813643931214695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4395103581767701,0.0,0.0,0.3695956781444119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046370902412078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354608150072065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,clyde_119,2018/02/14,"Am I disassociating? I was diagnosed with PTSD 3 years ago after a violent domestic assault. It took three years to get through court. That whole experience was another trauma in itself. My ex finally pleaded guilty but only got house arrest. 
Yesterday I got a call from his probation officer to say she’d flagged what seemed to be a huge error in the court order. The no contact or communication order that has been in place since the assault was missed off his final court order. That means he could email me, call me, message me, be within 200 metres of me, shop in my local store when he’s out for his permitted ‘necessities of life’ outing.
I started shaking and crying when I heard this. I didn’t feel safe and I didn’t know what to do. I hurriedly packed a bag, got in my car and drove to another city. Right now, no one knows where I am. I don’t know how I managed to drive here or book a hotel room. I’m shaking and trembling today. My head feels as if I have a cold and my ears are full. I don’t have a cold. I feel like someone else is doing all these things, including writing this post.
I have been being treated for suicidal thoughts in the last four months. My psychiatrist and therapist are rightly worried about me.
They don’t know this latest news and no one knows where I am. I only feel safe in this locked room. I don’t trust myself to drive home or even reach out to someone I know.",3.5483284457478,5.13265601433692,4.708597262952104,83.89198680351906,73.08602150537635,7.796741609644835,26.301889866406,8.438071523408619,1.7277297491039425,1104,38,222,19,22,363,162,279,0.179,0.754,0.067,-0.9845,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,0,9,13,3,3,11,0,28,4,2,2,1,36,51,16,1,2,5,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,13,10,0,2,13,3,2,7,9,8,0,4,14,9,36,5,29,32,3,47,0,1,0,0,16,21,0,5,16,146,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383022640629186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24564569930716115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392092196396737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935201688969079,0.0,0.1286637240162064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188862576194097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784854461607888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773644142096021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145773244037304,0.0,0.0,0.2369013228301353,0.0836789434737203,0.0,0.2566242070074093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119650338235341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810428748371677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021096495034594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174926925979924,0.0,0.0,0.13515430964943306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862352694077701,0.09547800718572697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273361691613887,0.057224655039941535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759081085093682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349344296775217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874300634573169,0.17816794353178114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237774541232875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217983543785423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692074412701788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005974391283407,0.0,0.09314786655282828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663234332446823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689259153940147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984906982830053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290645341316484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812311998590925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599898621656176,0.07781712802543488,0.0,0.0,0.09298952338922133,0.0,0.0,0.1110272003174132,0.0,0.13013768077294807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077341252980754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895297480712742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085800952888806
ptsd,AznPandaEatsRice,2018/02/14,"Do I have ptsd? How do I bring it up to my psychiatrist. So long story short I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend at the time. The symptoms didn’t start until after a few months we broke up when I finally realized what he did to me. I get really bad anxiety attacks where a symptom is where I throw up, cold sweat, or break down and cry. I was diagnosed with major depression and trauma and I’m on lexapro and prazosin. I get nightmares or dream about him (sometimes the dreams aren’t very traumatic) every night. I see his faces on other people and get scared when someone touches me or when someone mentions rape. I also get a little anxious when someone mentions a certain number that is connected to the event. When I see him or get in the zone (I’m not sure how to explain this) I usually cannot focus and can’t think straight. Is this ptsd or just trauma?",2.75375,4.950199532163744,4.104440789473685,84.6713980263158,77.0701754385965,7.0820175438596475,27.64656432748538,8.07648339933343,1.9643476608187127,684,29,131,12,16,225,107,171,0.217,0.727,0.056,-0.9837,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,0,13,11,3,1,9,0,13,6,2,2,2,22,26,21,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,9,0,0,4,4,20,2,17,22,2,31,0,2,2,1,8,13,0,5,15,90,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189430623601488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378161592122195,0.16802784216216735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920715986686916,0.0,0.0,0.12418723731812358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337805163630964,0.0,0.0,0.12810495386377968,0.15096255984122586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531537487287475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293156157326236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3885386330145539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907121396333306,0.0,0.13162550309343954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871859507904325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957741281594738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311389316783816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34772574127029265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952832385694326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890935226581445,0.0,0.2370445514862085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780672112676055,0.0,0.1471023923809517,0.0,0.10527516539948133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018066685881853,0.30918454452925226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530317129187343,0.0,0.0,0.08672838253229223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381022661426986,0.1227216800180625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,xyanon36,2018/02/14,"I Think I Have PTSD Specifically, PTSD related to car accidents, that built up over a few years. The first one happened when I was in my friend's car, I was a passenger and no one was hurt but it shook me up for a few days. Eventually I seemed to have gotten over it. Then I was while driving my own car hit by a truck. Again, no injuries but a very intense, long lasting fear. Despite that, I still drove my car out of necessity and at the end of 2015 there was another crash where my wife, then girlfriend, was in the car. Shortly after that, I refused to drive anymore. 

But I can't even fucking stand to be a passenger. My wife is a really good, safe driver and I trust her completely but I still have many moments of panic every time we are in the car. Sometimes when I visit my parents I'm even more terrified in my father's car because he is very aggressive. But it doesn't matter who is driving, whether it's someone I know and trust or an Uber driver, being in a car is terrifying and I avoid it as much as possible. 

A few months ago, while I was walking down the street I saw a van run out of control and flip over. It crashed only a few meters away from me. Seeing that made it even worse. 

Nightmares are regular, I more often have vivid nightmares than not. A lot of them are related to being in a car that's crashing, but I also have nightmares about being raped and murdered and I wonder if that comes from the same anxiety. I've been murdered in my dreams 3 times in the last few weeks and they all feel terribly realistic.

I don't know what to do about this. I was in therapy before for anxiety but I'm skeptical that it can help with this. Maybe I should try but it's been over 2 years since the last car crash and I'm still not over this shit. ",3.2210300605314472,4.414426656509697,4.4643336411203425,86.86961424027908,73.29362880886427,7.785821278342055,26.666769262337127,8.285830014693849,1.5921325741253716,1377,48,295,22,27,454,182,361,0.219,0.7140000000000001,0.067,-0.9959,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,2,2,15,18,7,4,22,0,32,3,1,2,1,45,50,30,2,2,13,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,21,15,0,4,6,1,0,19,7,13,0,3,14,4,36,5,44,30,12,71,0,1,3,2,15,25,2,6,26,212,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599974640743894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956274435816765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538921821641727,0.18295552243632388,0.0,0.11859043518563282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123485953462088,0.0,0.0,0.07289437084101448,0.0,0.1017530923550852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300689312048844,0.12537651682434062,0.0,0.13411824158935734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711869189867858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059116788160389,0.0,0.0,0.23694280281414135,0.0,0.10075063398222632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455984576262287,0.06046283681718784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171400701204253,0.0,0.0,0.09238659381696897,0.11054904415584924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029736013432276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574349224567432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015141759498423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801200752467226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143520285582774,0.2924190257345352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582382966452764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016619602261502,0.0,0.11314873098830586,0.0,0.12123454079265378,0.12013337962086792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544697713131003,0.0,0.08790447145957687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205992223072307,0.09094537056291764,0.0,0.14030042722084182,0.1327785511117362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480758166256576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795633729736766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660549795656395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952891409713106,0.1088604132191285,0.0,0.0,0.12274633109957395,0.09891715050053812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131906868768548,0.0,0.11826688710557512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864883123913604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674923740919367,0.0,0.0,0.07662152339977031,0.0,0.0,0.13945518709488958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811864278773925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197330727817342,0.0,0.0,0.09591922187995992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967854223116052,0.0,0.0,0.1218614214306742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401016936070294
ptsd,DrunkenGolfer,2018/02/14,"Does this sound like some form of PTSD? Several years ago I had a friend and coworker who was murdered in his home.  The murder remains unsolved.  On the morning after his murder, and before he was found deceased, my colleagues and I were having a meeting to discuss reducing our reliance on key people.  He was one of those people.  During the meeting, I used him as an example, saying, “If Mike were to be hit by a bus tomorrow, how screwed would all of his clients be?  Would we be able to support them?”  Unbeknownst to me, he was lying on his kitchen floor, murdered the previous evening.  When he failed to report for work, one of our coworkers went to check on him and encountered a very disturbing scene indeed.  

I was left with an odd feeling about my comments, but otherwise had what I would consider a normal experience under the circumstances.  Anger, loss, mourning, and resolution.  Since then, however, whenever anyone in a meeting uses the “hit by a bus” analogy, which seems fairly frequent given my responsibility for business continuity and disaster recovery, I have a visceral, somatic response.  The best way to describe it is like that brief moment when you tip a chair back a little too far.  Adrenaline, I suppose.  That is followed by some thoughts about my friend and colleague but mostly my focus shifts to the visceral reaction I am having.  I lose focus on the meeting and lose my mojo.

Does that sound familiar?  How can I work to get past this?",6.527424242424242,7.928501742424243,6.8913636363636375,71.7778787878788,65.66666666666666,10.10909090909091,36.25757575757576,10.25414643259724,4.113630303030304,1156,57,187,28,18,375,161,264,0.163,0.767,0.07,-0.9793,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,3,1,1,7,9,18,6,1,21,0,22,2,0,4,1,29,35,17,5,5,3,0,1,2,2,3,0,3,2,0,10,10,1,0,4,0,1,3,0,12,0,2,13,4,28,6,31,14,6,28,0,5,0,1,25,12,1,5,14,139,38,4,0.14588771660135075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932065840597198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020080835060303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121786489551121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413970168969975,0.0,0.1531001580162618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553346478356308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096357460915368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270618049415298,0.0,0.0,0.07376521294906457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599583512161082,0.2254249759121512,0.0,0.07622031063075546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463372747084958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850743094906536,0.0,0.0,0.14254673851643304,0.14621781811287024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264220764884425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293898737419206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977145847457135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13926633303520622,0.20228034742956336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705349337355253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601576774558026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281069803442386,0.0,0.16481159447194815,0.0,0.12067982673470322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555165195155458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581855116539473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520002930793529,0.0,0.1203726447937871,0.0,0.11579887892389475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523937487594104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124159904002044,0.0,0.0,0.3109033444515777,0.0,0.0,0.0939469063745969
ptsd,KatieKat08,2018/02/14,"Finally got a real diagnosis You were a liar, and I had to hide so much from the psychologists, and the psychiatrists, and the therapists that no one could figure out what was wrong with me.

You told me I was faking.

They told me I had ADHD, or that I was just defiant, or that I didn't want to participate in therapy.

You lied to the world, and you made me lie too, and I hate you.

You made me lie to myself.

I hate myself

And it's your fault.

And I hate you.
I fucking *hate* you.

Finally I could tell the truth.

And you fucked me up.

I have PTSD

I HAVE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER BECAUSE OF YOU.

I have major depression because you refused to help me.

Refused to support me.

Refused to love me.

I was your own daughter.

And guess what? Was. I am no child of yours, and I never was. I didn't fit in with your fucked up idea of normal because I don't fuck with being treated like I'm fucking stupid.

Guess what, asshole? I'm not fucking stupid. My new psychologist even said I should be a fucking surgeon.

STRANGERS believe in me more than you EVER fucking did.

You're a child abusing, racist, bigoted, narcissistic asshole. You are nothing, nobody, you have no worth. You take your value by stealing it from others, and that makes you disgusting.

You took, and took, and took, and made me apologize for it.

You made me believe your fucked up was normal.

And it's not.

You're screwed up.

You're the one that screwed up.

Not me.

You can't blame me anymore.

Never again.

Fuck you, Gerald.

Suck a fat one. 

If you guys want, I can post a picture of my face after he beat me last time. Oh, and the bite mark on my arm. Still got a little scar from that.
Among other things. Anyway, thanks for reading. Hearts out to all who feel the same.

Edited: removed personal info about the perpetrator. ",0.6251003064115181,3.1285365467422146,2.295512516621379,91.43617159044923,91.46458923512749,5.147921604902584,21.08510146268139,6.778839716746933,0.5953864716424809,1383,49,284,20,49,451,168,353,0.233,0.6729999999999999,0.095,-0.9952,0,0,0,0,0,0,68.0,0,27,1,1,9,32,21,0,16,0,27,18,4,5,5,56,66,20,0,8,7,1,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,5,17,21,1,3,4,1,1,4,12,26,0,3,25,2,68,6,36,36,6,31,0,1,0,13,46,15,13,5,12,207,85,2,0.0,0.08390340999193541,0.0,0.0,0.08510507205995259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07022879416927626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950328813312334,0.0,0.0,0.15956701668694795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307897215381275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099228490583765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115936555187246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046772201885923265,0.06405562223750483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03580585664499908,0.0,0.0,0.15514729015392414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6546671369810388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327338901897673,0.0,0.1560199523137578,0.07011732728907262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796579891767563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391533059579495,0.04746535755470268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994076720145105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057723136320241016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459630820869402,0.07097456951570251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639127041420084,0.2680249524897681,0.047269119994915586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052056685878841866,0.0,0.1092327649010707,0.06839292818551146,0.0,0.0,0.13876603038984536,0.06794826646202475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439568828246766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366469569605285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782056019210117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827781707146291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083350061266239,0.08060221901884528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736065104224509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565524212003051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035927072037709,0.0,0.0,0.053243568656963836,0.0,0.061894852022403,0.06519632753105634,0.0809823661729782,0.08222090355868586,0.0470458990657831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04129240952271765,0.0,0.0,0.1353322678431042,0.23603200283739856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353626168934494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742436115902762,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Katze69,2018/02/14,"Got better... than got worse than it ever has before Have you ever experienced this?
You seem to have gotten better. Maybe went to therapy. Things didn't get to you. And then out of nowhere, things got worse? 

I thought I was ""cured"" from my ptsd or at least found peace.  And then I had a dream. As if my sub conscious was telling me that not everything is okay. And since then I've been getting triggered more and I gaze off into space reliving those moments, unable to notice what's going on around me. 

I thought I got over these demons, but it came back even worse than before ",3.0600000000000023,5.100256637168143,3.123194690265489,92.79735840707966,75.54867256637169,5.935929203539826,21.919469026548683,6.742157984588678,0.3564838938053101,452,12,94,4,10,137,80,113,0.08900000000000001,0.86,0.051,-0.642,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,3,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,1,2,20,23,11,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,15,1,13,3,17,8,2,18,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,7,66,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287125784001767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111178041261663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460648083253461,0.0,0.0,0.2557498984598231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536835970723798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549797457272433,0.2615734105739555,0.0,0.0,0.1299449619093727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853155959088264,0.0,0.0,0.15108088605477416,0.0,0.08217180118407426,0.0,0.4625559109098172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525650447422295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461261090971785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901380143194514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162605721851625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119603390494834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263749142927762,0.0,0.1653471855887476,0.0,0.1921136013092972,0.0,0.0,0.2295709527663283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403307082237498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420377790871312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jwhex86,2018/02/15,"Coping with admitting that I'm disabled When did you finally break down and admit to yourself that you're disabled for having PTSD?

While it's easy to say someone is a predator for hurting me, it's hard to call myself a victim. I detest it immensely.

Now I have to face the fact that I'm disabled. My CPTSD is directly (and has been for some time) interfering with my work. Since I'm the primary earner, it's my responsibility to do well at work. I just left my job and I'm weighing my options for finding another one, or some other way of earning to support my half of my relationship.. but there's so much I can't do that it's just feeding the anxiety.

How do I tell an employer that I might look fine on the outside, but I'm actually disabled? This is a minefield of a conversation. They will have honest, innocent questions that could destroy me emotionally. ""What happened?"" ""What can't you do?"" 
Innocent questions that can destroy someone with PTSD in an instant. Talking about it can send me spiraling into a hell of symptoms. I fear this may happen at the next interview. I'm also afraid I'm disqualifying myself from a job for talking about it...

How can an employer even hire someone like me? I'm a liability to anyone who hires me. Panic attacks that can send my heart rate to 200BMP, which can happen on the job. My panic attacks are life threatening. My doctor has said she's never seen someone with them as bad as I have them in her entire career. I've been send to the hospital (at my expense) from work for having what I call a mild one (160BPM). Fits of puking that can happen out of nowhere. There's no chance I can do anything that has to do with cooking or food. My hypersensitivity affects my sense of smell, even things that I think smell good can make me puke when this happens. Flashbacks that can take me off task and send me spiraling into a full blown bout of intense rage. I don't know how many times people have stopped what they were doing to ask me if i was ok. For years I have fought them off to continue working, but now I'm out of a warehouse environment and I'm afraid I can easily scare people with this behavior.. this eliminates me from work that has to do with dealing with people. Severe depression that can lead me to having a string of call-outs. Doctors visits and hospital visits that make me a liability to any insurance programs. Dizziness that can cause me to fall down and hurt myself that can happen at any time. Insomnia that can destroy any kind of work performance. 
I have to face these questions now and I have come to conclude that I am seriously disabled. 

What pushed me to this is that I now have a fiance to support. Money isn't just for me now, we're a team and it's my responsibility to do my part.

I've always had a fear of asking for help. I detest it. But now I might have to and I have no idea who to go to or how. Do I go to the government and try to get declared disabled? Are there jobs that anyone knows of that people with CPTSD can do / workplaces that can put up with someone like me?

Anything will help",3.3243040505675943,5.17874739144737,4.663359133126935,82.86223942208464,74.26315789473685,7.334416924664604,27.217621259029933,8.124751697461798,1.7940757481940142,2426,93,474,39,51,804,250,608,0.168,0.757,0.076,-0.9968,6,0,0,0,0,2,67.0,0,2,5,11,26,31,9,7,26,1,67,12,3,10,2,67,103,30,0,2,11,0,1,2,0,5,5,2,0,0,49,26,4,1,11,2,2,13,7,21,1,3,9,7,66,10,82,88,5,53,1,3,2,0,39,20,1,13,20,344,115,24,0.0,0.0,0.06631773504408857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434642245953725,0.05654695200364904,0.0,0.0,0.13864241936011906,0.07126045797972433,0.051988099551868665,0.0,0.0,0.0950363870672016,0.0,0.11184818125227268,0.0,0.12706412836164674,0.15462530745104358,0.0,0.0,0.056742544957668874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817981254189227,0.0,0.0,0.06981214392825925,0.0,0.058540267522566386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054259366923429364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006227400923233,0.05853259369394793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391168972694988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644421415159414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977195372780737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529445094422019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444526230913116,0.0621128773294043,0.0,0.08217574021437317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035505533946525905,0.0,0.07724481243327025,0.057000401780903626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605730919924777,0.0,0.0608775063060316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053120092221483,0.09110235803025184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455020521360534,0.07671692335200851,0.0,0.0,0.2697534718786993,0.0,0.0,0.07076836502026591,0.07469647616750151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383715605152302,0.0,0.048001128848513513,0.06640222299644544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706806050754045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072571061091864,0.0688992963089943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441865499117803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049957348676210905,0.0,0.052413818041836965,0.0,0.0722746816863343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210093533231542,0.0,0.0,0.15946941596289727,0.0,0.07359247979455089,0.0,0.18845558835803006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887980063865098,0.06831710621074237,0.2283873643458095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296204264245006,0.0,0.0,0.06464413695113383,0.05404336122399423,0.06803835722599835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677381020727042,0.0,0.05621600921501519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879052656785083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056816385113264686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542370989996345,0.0,0.07063494726606319,0.05109636695567708,0.10924500563123207,0.05939876216750156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04514863640926501,0.043545090449067854,0.0,0.0,0.11888151917748578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461393899298063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394232839747791,0.0,0.0,0.06110289184687495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29684777307491633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376307372471384
ptsd,miketrrapcom,2018/02/15,"Recently diagnosed My story
I served as a Navy SeaBee from 1978-1991. I joined when I was 16 and left for boot the day I turned 17 (Delayed entry program). During my service I have been to dark places and have seen and done dark things. I have known stress that is so intense and lasted so long your body runs out of adrenaline and gives way to the feeling of acceptance of not surviving. Your heart races so fast you know there is no way it can keep it up without blowing out of your chest.  You learn to move on and distract yourself with a variety of options. The late 70’s early 80’s were before piss tests and we often self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. for no reason one night on an Island in Deigo Garcia just out of the blue there was the rush again with the racing heartbeat so bad I ran the half mile to the infirmary and grabbed the attendant hand and pressed it to my chest. His eyes grew as big as you can imagine and he ran for the attending doctor. They gave me Lorazepam that went to work quickly. I began taking it to sleep as when you take it you don’t give a F about anything but when you come down off of it it zaps you of all energy and all you want to do is sleep. The panic attacks became normal for the rest of my service. I discharged in 91 from a knee injury (Medical) with a modest disability. I am now 56 YO and since my service the panic attacks are regular I have not been able to travel alone. During my service I got suddenly rowdy and would fight a lot with marines and civilians that resulted in many nights in jail. I have been to captains mast twice (Inciting a riot, breach of peace, destruction of government property). Today I sometimes I call in sick because I have pauses I call them where I can’t seem to be too far from home or I get a sudden feeling of not being safe or keep my family safe. I have a million excuses why I cannot do something or go somewhere. I can’t fly, I can’t sit in the center of a crowd I must be by the door and there has to be more than one door. I can’t go to the dentist without sedation I don’t trust anyone or have close friends. I have shunned my military friends that have sought me out. I am afraid they will remind me of times in the past. I wake up most nights with dreams so vivid I can smell the zinc in the fences in Gitmo by my gun tower. I can feel the heat on my neck from the flood lights out over the mine fields. I can smell the death and blood. I normally get up and go to the bathroom and go back to sleep or just stay up if its bad. I can have these memories during the day that are best described as deja vu except they can be crippling. The recall is so vivid and real the body reacts with Adrenalin perspiration and an intense sense of awareness.   I have been married 3 times and have had huge problems holding a job until 10 years ago. I am calm but can anger quickly and aggressively. (Not physical) I always have to be occupied I cant relax and watch TV. 
Understand I have been taking Lorazepam since the 80’s and when I discharged in 91 I got it issued by the VA and my civilian DR. I know at all times where it is and it is always close in the event I need it.
OK FFwd to 2016 my civilian doctors refused to refill my Lorazepam prescription as its now a controlled substance I guess. I panic and run to the VA and I just got a new VA doctor as my normal one retired. I asked to have my civilian prescription transferred to the VA since I have a service connected disability. (knee) She asks me why am I taking that and I tell her the military has been giving it to me since the 80’s and she refuses to issue it to until I go see this guy down the hall. I go see him (Turns out to be a psychologist) and he tells me to make an appointment with a vets group for PTSD. I said I don’t have PTSD and he said not only do you have it you have complex PTSD from multiple exposures during my service.  I always thought these were just my things I call ticks. I ditched the military counselors as it was too much recalling memories I spent my life trying to forget so I have civilian counselors trying to manage my ticks. I feel at ease with my non military counselor. I have found trust outside of my immediate family for the first time in decades. To be able to talk without feeling you are being judged is priceless and better than any medicine. I am now getting my lorazepam and they put me on Prozac that I guess I will be taking for life. It’s been a little under 2 years since my diagnosis and I am trying to involve the VA in my medications but they are asking me to file a claim to get it on the record so they can better treat me. I go to the VA and I see people who need it more than me. I make a good living and only want to get on with life. Plus I know filing a claim at the VA is humiliating and I don’t want to go though what others I fear have. I work and do not have days on end to spend fighting these people for years..
Thanks for listening. 
I posted this as there was a guy on the foxnews site dogging people with fake PTSD because his son served in combat and is fine.
Mike
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ptsd,ainmosnisyawla,2018/02/15,"Anger management tip? Hi guys, long time lurker, first time posting. 

I have had PTSD for almost 10 years now from a violent sexual assault. Though I have been making improvements, I have a new issue that I don't know how to deal with. Anger.
For years I never had any anger, even towards the assailant, and just none overall. It may have been those emotional mute buttons that PTSD can sometimes press? I don't know. But recently I suddenly have all these flare-ups of anger that I don't really know what to do with. It takes every ounce of my being to control myself sometimes, and I feel lucky that I have been able to keep things relatively under control. I do occasionally do little things I'm not proud of, and I'm worried this will be a problem if I don't know any coping strategies. Worried one day this will get out of hand.

I currently don't see a doctor, psych, or therapist, due to insurance and financial issues. I never had this kind of anger problems when I was seeing them, so I have no idea if there are ways to manage this.  Are there any techniques, like the ones used to help with anxiety and panic attacks? If anyone could point me in the right way I would be so grateful...",4.88331896551724,5.95688396982759,5.37448275862069,82.3562931034483,69.2155172413793,8.386206896551725,27.86206896551724,8.660442795831766,1.9823741379310336,939,31,181,15,16,301,139,232,0.158,0.743,0.099,-0.9358,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,4,10,15,8,1,7,0,33,2,1,5,3,38,47,15,0,7,7,0,3,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,15,9,0,3,6,0,0,0,10,11,0,3,7,5,21,4,22,32,2,26,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,7,17,127,36,4,0.11306560166870253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321886777888268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23066545895821736,0.0,0.08649487580239656,0.0,0.0,0.07905809759293868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286284445783773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536253728694033,0.09027368270071713,0.0,0.0,0.07291795939246441,0.11656567062652333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157274343076804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718358366335544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746787635550922,0.0,0.09526264588529552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571693654449091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096173543019809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05907211026128281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195272180058724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578548947793633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763730189162958,0.0,0.23602222555318786,0.0,0.1004979018137328,0.0,0.11774042513440075,0.2485515910247382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523814181118827,0.11332143627137638,0.0,0.10005949950981106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547216708264455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440632456029628,0.10919946264799188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323235570296664,0.0,0.0,0.13265812221342996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688353960907997,0.0,0.10828559217957474,0.0,0.0,0.21637702190781005,0.2643352756151228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724327196391665,0.0,0.11163864131202364,0.0,0.0,0.09655740604512016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019729175431992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236495422605909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501126126712034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127787806785093,0.1502315234651262,0.0,0.1110863795740851,0.0,0.13185892316500675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765237753211434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949242366810986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964721365895796,0.0,0.08031855941485536,0.0,0.0,0.14562108094656018
ptsd,ratbasturd69,2018/02/15,"Night Terrors and Meds They're incessant increasing intrusive and bad. Going to get a low dose of seroquel today and try that.

Any recommendations or experience?",5.146111111111111,8.779605740740745,6.2721296296296325,62.11708333333337,84.18518518518519,10.107407407407408,32.675925925925924,9.516144504307137,5.019525925925926,133,7,18,5,4,44,25,27,0.295,0.705,0.0,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27341003558654603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356977173598734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3932852819841573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21005625863951227,0.0,0.2284961595491125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465905873712165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772997925485879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.381099523941438,0.0,0.0,0.2729678038122566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,spacejugs,2018/02/15,"Recently diagnosed So this is my first post on reddit and I think it will really help me out to vent about this topic.
I was a bit shocked when my doctor diagnosed with ptsd, as i always just brushed my symptoms off as extreme anxiety.
needless to say, ive been researching it a bit.
i dont have flashbacks like many people. does anyone else experience this? i have intrusive thoughts and panic attacks, but no vivid flashbacks. let me know about your experience with this!
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ptsd,H3LL0FRI3ND_exe_file,2018/02/15,Why am I so «sound sensitive?» I was sexually abused as a kid and was later told I have bipolar disorder type 2 and PTSD. Loud noises scare the shit out of me! I’m anxious all the time. I thought only combat veterans experienced this.,1.1409420289855063,3.731566717391303,3.817391304347826,81.34898550724641,88.34782608695654,7.41449275362319,25.057971014492754,8.344100000000001,2.2777362318840586,183,8,35,5,6,64,39,46,0.273,0.648,0.079,-0.8356,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,4,2,1,0,1,5,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,5,0,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,20,6,1,0.0,0.3623495837499761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454923090712933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504990122327539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325917470239504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574900675063543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061816142766042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139223405712433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427888572016372,0.1783275245193065,0.0,0.0,0.2922264478023149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759571850757704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Riothegod1,2018/02/15,"PTSD research being done for a story I’m writing. (Combat Veterans preferred) Hi, I’m writing a story about a soldier coming back from war, I’ll try and keep details about the story to a minimum to avoid triggering anybody, but I would like to know if there is anyone who would be more than happy to tell me how it affects their life or how the traumatic events changed them. So please, put your responses below.",8.000443037974684,7.1136517974683535,7.9454113924050676,73.27482594936713,62.67088607594936,10.431645569620251,37.471518987341774,9.516144504307137,3.5909974683544306,328,14,57,5,4,106,62,79,0.106,0.754,0.14,0.6133,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,0,7,4,1,1,6,0,6,1,0,4,0,17,11,7,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,2,10,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,2,3,39,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883832113614106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716568148345899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850083411383713,0.232079605089766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757079804731977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868002903702859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23947094674898545,0.0,0.0,0.14806499375723112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029778131320726,0.13162394316149206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29573987323173034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31493502634528425,0.2708393333555031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354830589276124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291702185789285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827733936224682,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lunaerrys,2018/02/15,"Just had the most horrific nightmares in my life. I’m 18, was abused as a kid. Was never in combat.

None of dreams actually involved me being abused by my dad. All of them, however, made me fear for my life—a feeling I felt often as a kid.

Warning: if you don’t wanna read about my dreams, stop now. I am about to describe them.

I was in a train accident, and the injuries were gruesome... some guy was missing half his face and he just shot himself in front of me. Then the police (?) showed up and started shooting at everyone. The people shooting started picking up limbs and other body parts and eating them, and then they started puking. There were little kids running around crying with their arms missing. Some guy, whose jaw had been destroyed, was smashing his skull on the railroad. I saw several more children bleeding to death or running around bleeding. Then, *during* the dream, I began to experience memories of the accident, and I remembered a guy’s body exploding as he got crushed between two train cars. After that memory ended, I looked over to a group of people who were screaming in pain on the train track. Then another train blew past and ran over all of them, mostly kids and a few adults. 

Then I dreamt I was on an island with a really rough coast. My family insisted on going swimming. There was a popular tourist swimming spot near us. This part is complicated and I don’t know how to explain it and it’s 6 am but I’ll try. We swam deep down into a cave, which had air, because it was an air pocket. There were a lot of people there. It was crowded and suddenly the earth was shaking and the cave was collapsing. People were trying to escape, pushing each other and aggressively trying to get out. We were so deep underwater, and swimming to get out felt like forever. The cave collapsed and crushed mostly everyone, the rest of us drowned.

The next dream I was back at college (I’m home for a night right now), but it wasn’t the exact same. I was outside, in an area with a lot of regular civilian homes. There was intense wind, and it was obvious there was some sort of storm going on. A house caught fire and the fire quickly spread to other houses. I was panicking watching the people trying to get out, I didn’t know what to do. Then suddenly I realized I was completely surrounded by burning homes, and the ground was catching fire too, so I had to try to escape. I ran into a different part of campus and every time I thought I was safe, something caught on fire. In some way it felt like it was chasing me. 

I doubt I did the terror these dreams caused me justice. I woke up extremely stunned, a bit sweaty even though it’s freezing. I wanted to post this here for support... reactions.. analysis.. idk. I hate feeling alone in this.",3.579662018047582,5.660974086792454,4.377063166529943,84.20269893355211,74.16981132075472,7.2502050861361775,27.936833470057426,8.112205042999317,1.959529122231337,2166,87,405,35,46,695,261,530,0.174,0.77,0.056,-0.9955,3,1,1,2,2,0,82.0,4,1,6,0,25,16,3,4,36,0,42,11,6,4,5,76,76,37,2,3,6,1,11,2,0,0,4,1,3,9,21,33,1,2,11,10,0,17,6,11,0,2,48,15,49,5,71,27,21,82,0,2,3,0,32,39,0,14,26,292,70,3,0.0,0.1989699831781676,0.08193788986606265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696258937594761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804479757739113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949359872475304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456402977066096,0.0,0.051184385838910135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916682144520808,0.18653274160226996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625535472079293,0.0,0.0,0.08803587901557021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223179211776224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772572736421509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591732671412945,0.0,0.0,0.07436821486792622,0.0,0.0,0.055458200228944834,0.0,0.07074427371776623,0.16046462866523467,0.0,0.08213404397095772,0.07915488576825437,0.09448415542209616,0.08491062157092442,0.0,0.241859180483131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160500105494086,0.0,0.0954386775976925,0.0,0.06715461359021681,0.0,0.0,0.2494161458851162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289821803352165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526717227076968,0.0,0.0,0.19376905630115326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229011867680298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861415973936434,0.08204227769732109,0.08415515474266402,0.0,0.0,0.07050959224750332,0.0,0.0,0.14276836297014647,0.0,0.0794498702337369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475911228447033,0.0,0.08929790657329563,0.07879562030665385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934485657661323,0.0,0.0,0.2727782771999473,0.08015425177507525,0.29105436941676616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041541888376949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398788813652994,0.0,0.05379023537143191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511616501329882,0.07170579296063696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485673781197776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646404869306804,0.0,0.0,0.1782929299200324,0.0,0.0,0.07019863846229857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528267531069402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249534925124097,0.06665896278024837,0.048960763507173516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850341803774237,0.0,0.08202176653704142,0.0,0.2019995126077728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04952483035163159,0.06664764049033231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Hipsterbody,2018/02/15,"Fastest Way to heal - Bioenergetics Just do whats in the video !!! It's as simple as that.
I can't imagine there exists such a easy way to heal. Be a little brave and just do it alone. It literally gives you permenant relief in minutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7f92fscxUQ&t=5s",5.057946428571427,8.671154854166666,3.8009523809523813,80.02500000000002,83.79166666666666,6.076190476190478,21.44047619047619,7.447530270364453,1.186722619047619,235,7,38,4,7,68,38,48,0.039,0.765,0.196,0.8395,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,6,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40037654408420215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.418855345948548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708392886770046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874510897677823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6136926731913983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TacosArePeopleToo,2018/02/15,"First flashback in awhile today This is my first post here. My back story is thst in 2015 I fell during a free solo rock climb in the Ozark Mountains. I fell from approximately 50 ft and was kept alive by my two best friends until I was loaded into a helicopter five hours later. I lost seven teeth, crushed the right side of my face and broke my left humerus. While it's not ideal, I've accepted this moment in my life and the results of it. In a roundabout way, it's lead to one of my best friends meeting his now-fiancee and put me on a positive direction in life as opposed to bouncing around from job to job.

Over the past couple of years I dealt with roughly one dream a week reliving the experience and waking up in a panic. For the past year I've been going to a rock climbing gym and the dreams have largely stopped. I still avoid ladders and other heights, but I'm comfortable on the rock wall. I'm not as daring as others there, and it really limits the difficulty of climbs I can complete because I don't put myself out there as much as I could to make the more difficult moves. Sometimes I fall, but it's generally expected. Or I jump off because I'm worn out. 

Today I had an unexpected fall. It was only from about 7ft, but my foot slipped, just like it did in my accident. I hit the ground awkwardly, but unhurt and didn't stop shaking for an hour. I was on the verge of tears as I left the gym and bought a pack of cigarettes (I've been on an ecig for a few months). To top it off, I had to go in for a work meeting where the manager tore into us for the general decline in standards that's occurred lately, which is a whole other story.

I don't know what to do. I'm still on edge, and I don't want to sleep because I know I'll have a dream where I fall, or I lose my teeth, or crush my face or something. I was doing so well, and I know it's just a bad day, but I'm terrified that this step back will have more of an impact. I just need someone who's been here before to tell me something that helps.",4.61111374407583,4.419203172985785,5.617370616113746,84.85393270142183,69.40284360189574,8.647734597156399,28.96530805687204,8.238735603445708,1.743023203791469,1577,51,347,20,25,523,211,422,0.126,0.774,0.1,-0.8923,2,1,3,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,0,14,17,19,0,4,32,0,26,9,7,3,0,53,44,30,0,5,14,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,21,18,0,6,4,8,2,17,6,9,1,7,16,1,40,11,60,25,7,78,0,3,0,0,9,35,0,4,25,232,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668699162499617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703061158372584,0.09068581222454304,0.1986251315301776,0.0,0.09242012846557338,0.0,0.2279614994940257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387677291453435,0.0,0.0,0.08671720247852004,0.12017622289691644,0.0,0.07004523643862162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624259084388668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847692561911885,0.0,0.0,0.16782548169179656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345249161576165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279979545954368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139203006080383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155597067064938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906961918824515,0.0,0.12251816020623113,0.0,0.2360127651615924,0.0,0.15343059993413544,0.05306194435269188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150814700066336,0.1185619508478185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249881691540197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669242068185133,0.11543651315059456,0.07984172625085248,0.08053382585496716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719551499641215,0.0826037090002402,0.0,0.1274318372779853,0.0,0.0,0.20736335297817185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401950315546428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21836850180665807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957911350358124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275336820560266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086896340151228,0.0,0.0920259141751791,0.16722841036182826,0.10741925032978583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734740833408628,0.18160764680197805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09493097280551788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590142905241604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609735696892016,0.0,0.13064589621473305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406169760156692,0.08621051219429278,0.08712135035196993,0.0,0.09765450916126674,0.0,0.0,0.12126052194853662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907024446538433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988409892890633
ptsd,rikay23,2018/02/16,"EMDR & Anxiety I’m currently doing EMDR for my severe anxiety issues and depression. We’re going through past instances that have plagued me and are why my mindset is a negative shithole.

I had my anxiety in a certain place, where I felt comfortable. The anxiety was there but I managed it well enough. Things were not perfect and there was still a lot of things that needed to change in order for me to progress.

We’ve had a few sessions and my anxiety is making me feel horrible. I’m hesitant to drive because I don’t want to feel anxious. I’m just afraid this is going to make me worse and not better.

Someone please help me rationalize this, because I clearly cannot do it myself.",4.092898154477105,6.067301037593987,5.2728229665071735,78.7943062200957,72.45864661654136,8.445386192754615,32.39166097060834,9.095868883498916,3.140584962406016,550,27,97,12,11,182,83,133,0.248,0.629,0.123,-0.9413,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,0,1,5,0,14,0,0,2,3,20,26,6,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,2,1,0,6,3,15,5,11,20,3,11,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,3,71,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697903449500571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993963970245348,0.17703261177366608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19105243794182264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13859328116839753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577364173543532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497021845797524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191867263724471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584700196397438,0.0,0.1504618557416473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811869508768746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050363941641898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355982976088984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322541317705058,0.0,0.0,0.20920427761903285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619514344313475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495931323785604,0.0,0.0,0.1637238955635951,0.1720155824078072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703261177366608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277606253709384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251452155877842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082163435675076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242896463692196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089706504564936,0.0,0.1414023407438327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596962933267164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,CriminalFriday,2018/02/16,"Having A Hard Time Working I've been having a really hard time holding down a job. I've gone through three since last year, and I honestly can't keep this shit up. Every time I go in, my anxiety is through the roof and I've tried talking to my managers, but they really just don't seem to care. I'm just out of the Army and every attempt to work since has been a failure. 

I've heard that customer service jobs are really bad for people with PTSD, and I'm honestly starting to see that. It's like every day takes another piece of me. My fiancè has even pointed out to me that I've been more distant since I've been working here, and that all I want to do anymore is sleep when I get home. Today, my manager told me that I'm going to be counseled on my absences and I'm thinking about throwing in the towel and putting in my two weeks. This job is killing me.

Those of you who can work: how do you do it? It seems like every job just repeats the process. ",3.8777076923076947,4.266665540000002,4.864999999999998,87.58461538461539,71.1,7.7538461538461565,29.384615384615394,7.61054688173877,1.6220576923076928,748,28,163,8,13,245,110,200,0.125,0.807,0.068,-0.9145,5,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,1,5,8,8,2,0,8,0,19,2,2,1,1,22,38,10,1,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,12,10,0,2,3,0,0,5,2,3,0,2,7,4,17,5,23,30,3,25,0,0,1,0,7,9,1,2,13,99,29,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174636109294414,0.08569563081476833,0.0,0.11109456567912823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353271664280337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421270528624833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224417018805362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398870386196033,0.0,0.3775295336974448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058526261878971524,0.0,0.12732804210381296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006973268996095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236602936105793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446535675737756,0.09956926363087346,0.12393445471378968,0.0,0.0,0.0913119303127624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945544146129058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766114103092465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589589574578702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094635942471605,0.11261187776883567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529024269443411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926610070680875,0.2039591187484683,0.0,0.0,0.11498777553913295,0.27799437254461423,0.0,0.11210173334694096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928892233595848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422572543243201,0.09003810248527204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177842673775682,0.0,0.0,0.1959607461313026,0.0,0.10618265166012276,0.10704070670900466,0.0,0.07605479252994157,0.0,0.1094280768126447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607278980518068,0.0,0.08985635543333483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.326210003044178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213774385984001
ptsd,1point6180339,2018/02/16,"What are some resources for someone to improve their life? I'm a 33 y.o. male that has been living with severe depression and social anxiety since I was 15. At that time my 10 year old brother had a heart attack and suffered a traumatic brain injury. He fell into a coma for several months and doctors said he would be a vegetable if he ever came out of it. He did eventually come out if it, but with extreme limitations. His mental capacity has diminished to almost nothing, and worse, parts of his brain pathways died leaving him with cortical blindness.

I love him so much, I miss who he was, and think about what he could've been. This destroyed my family, and has crippled me as a person. 

I don't even leave my home anymore, I can't talk to people because of the anxiety, and I have given up on life. I'm not suicidal at all, I just don't have the will to do anything. For almost 19 years now I have invested so much time into thinking about the day of his heart attack and the subsequent years. 

Maybe this isn't the right subreddit, but I feel it is. If anyone has been through something similiar, what do I do? I have never been to therapy because my parents have always told me that it doesn't help, "" it's a personal struggle you have to deal with"". But I'm done with that ideology. I have been for years, just too scared to go. 

Idk what else to say. Thank you for reading this.",4.0794727272727265,5.310222501818182,5.219772727272726,82.12965909090909,71.25454545454545,8.263636363636364,29.022727272727273,8.697196308434329,2.1971272727272737,1088,42,214,19,20,360,155,275,0.151,0.78,0.07,-0.9597,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,1,1,10,10,3,2,12,0,34,11,4,0,3,39,49,17,2,4,9,2,1,0,0,2,5,2,1,3,17,19,1,1,3,1,1,4,7,8,0,0,14,4,26,2,34,32,5,25,0,3,1,1,28,9,0,6,12,152,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105694025461496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748671300077618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086695334725054,0.0,0.10427278581370522,0.07351785397241573,0.0,0.08652305196082825,0.0,0.0,0.23922880750059303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818738890420645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347468815185393,0.0,0.12025463888022125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057067449727313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394747185184348,0.0,0.0,0.06780800517340747,0.10839696643652699,0.09055880192026992,0.0,0.10912097863557954,0.0,0.0,0.10761747215119308,0.0,0.10759695039156923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783279630254946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944541547347083,0.09510711748283156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991186858974658,0.0,0.05316304323581268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059754721489782565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491879690433183,0.07047458411350156,0.0,0.1054661750615527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226607656073803,0.0,0.0,0.14853005633308702,0.0,0.0,0.09284246749467212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489491865275226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562944762513947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595858346770996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392348158095346,0.0,0.15458319400251067,0.0,0.08109212775969228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088675334691842,0.0,0.11032902664793777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674794344970513,0.11385873032353393,0.0,0.0728923460410715,0.1836121847108804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517062873123256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979084361643479,0.10001428646873414,0.08361327826645283,0.10526566014187796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375614621685035,0.0,0.08697469430227908,0.0,0.0,0.10717920732625803,0.0890866243266391,0.08094358368603645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991743092368396,0.0,0.11500847502151056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450929816527533,0.0,0.09680078914782353,0.1202392412190412,0.0,0.0,0.13474172155077782,0.0,0.0,0.1226184964393932,0.0,0.0,0.10046785471265066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714885965216343,0.07468998498723732,0.0,0.0,0.2708324558847153
ptsd,goku-pops,2018/02/16,Mdma self cure Hi everyone.i can t really afford therapy but want to try self prescribing mdma to cure my ptsd.anyone have experience with this and advice? I have neen living with mine for 10 years,5.634166666666665,8.02958963888889,6.790000000000003,67.75500000000001,69.27777777777777,11.466666666666667,25.88888888888889,11.20814326018867,3.8869555555555566,161,5,25,6,3,54,30,36,0.0,0.958,0.042,0.1154,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839683222156341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031923916761136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842599245564291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256602743415667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396926974713773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18616407410747274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6063127299645612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33232334292272764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972964941035651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140181901189044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713513616494706
ptsd,Ones_Fate,2018/02/16,"Diagnosed with PTSD and OCD I was abused most of my life by my mother before she committed suicide. I thought I was just an overly anxious person, who suffered from OCD and horrible nightmares. I thought that this was just how I was wired since I've been like this since I was a child but my therapist thinks it's all linked with the abuse and even though it feels like defeat, like I wasn't strong enough to move past it, I think she might be right. I hate the thought that even after my mom's death she still has power over me. 

Anyways, I've come here for advice on meds, specifically if this sounds like a good place to start. I used to just focus on the anxiety and insomnia acutely but never really tried to treat the source. I'm starting Effexor XR, Prazosin for the horrendous nightmares and continuing on clonazepam for panic attacks. Thanks guys!",6.414146341463416,6.9183745609756135,5.915756097560978,81.8597317073171,65.58536585365853,9.242926829268294,31.03414634146341,9.120678840339163,2.4509824390243904,684,24,131,11,10,210,106,164,0.253,0.623,0.124,-0.9811,1,0,0,0,2,1,14.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,2,1,8,0,10,3,0,2,3,28,23,10,2,1,6,2,1,4,0,1,3,1,0,3,9,8,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,10,2,18,8,18,11,3,16,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,3,11,85,27,0,0.0,0.3250748851690425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405200683738433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494334105884953,0.15497585444396889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560635656625101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167312069361428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816956790597198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923616109920164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417449835427609,0.0,0.1812139477839005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936300168474106,0.09800236871293114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150611900828718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583108314099687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13543816146295096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689522947330492,0.2680794718425624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237753099251936,0.0,0.0,0.14552771128317676,0.0,0.16066511432479366,0.0,0.1458020425668235,0.0,0.0,0.1058026977399536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095273199160764,0.0,0.0,0.13095510074130706,0.0,0.1197814449875247,0.14332529105034414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035763231880495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788187196521142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171521052588193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269556255709184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941953012021507,0.0,0.10955318639306498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005410828894572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629813667667686,0.0,0.1592780959999346,0.0,0.17580051272602146,0.1347799590494703,0.3267199553191862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313711744396448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848062287495953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,theloveoflordjesus,2018/02/16,"I had my first proper flash back today and now I'm having a major panic attack It wasn't like where I could pyshcially see him or like I was there again but it was the sensation I felt, dirty and ruined and damaged and the fear. The deep feeling of fear and like something was wrong and I wasn't safe. I was in a position where I was with  a man alone for thw first time since it happened other than my boyfriend and it triggered this horrible response and made me have a huge break down. I claimed down a bit and was going to sleep but whenever u closed my eyes it wasn't like I was closing them and just saying dark like usual it was almost as if I could actually see things with my eyes closed that were ultra realistic I don't know how to explain it, anyway then the room started spinning and my whole body tingled and then my heart began to race and I lost all sense of what was happening and began to have a panic attack. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?? It has really freskedme out ",3.9678489326765174,5.271664733990146,4.6850443349753705,85.57748440065683,71.61083743842364,7.383776683087027,25.355993431855502,7.793537801064563,1.2809260426929394,803,24,161,10,15,258,118,203,0.289,0.69,0.021,-0.996,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,10,17,2,4,10,0,22,6,5,3,2,38,37,22,0,3,5,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,1,1,14,20,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,10,0,2,19,8,21,7,15,16,4,28,0,3,4,0,5,12,0,3,20,116,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.12631959822056246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962041881141292,0.1340659293050613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051091855505744,0.13263164803452204,0.10652216415484414,0.0,0.0,0.2945246350612184,0.0,0.09953517613721566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14132035909286014,0.14378415780962184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20670251856198227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813464543709098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170903678407792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29132311243645365,0.06545125593928604,0.0,0.1242874513631557,0.0,0.0,0.22021161612658727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735665479581481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289354829913665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339288861344086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113955906137115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794415833541434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413044537036147,0.0,0.0,0.12248394122678337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30375151593324096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292574938670766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293981951834157,0.0,0.0,0.2063017311875455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707820001517283,0.0,0.12953843326571185,0.0,0.0,0.09965304636490313,0.0,0.0,0.09162180162673676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599747273686452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548039112195562,0.0,0.12269867668755792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256532421802656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452066356217871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152773185676604,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dmndgsj,2018/02/16,"Diagnosed. Need someone to talk to and ask questions.. I am 20 years old and have been diagnosed with PTSD. I really am having the hardest time of my life writing anything or talking about anything regarding personal issues and past childhood experiences. I made this account a couple of days ago and didn't have it in me to post. 

I don't know how this works, and I don't know how to fix the issue. Obviously, my doctor is trying to help with the situation, but I want to hear from others with PTSD.

I get very vivid flashbacks and it puts me in a mood depending on what it was about.. Anger, depression, just a cloud and I can't really describe the feeling. My body just feels very weird and I feel like I am awake and going through a nightmare, I get the chills and it drains all the energy I have. The smallest tasks such as school, work, etc are extremely hard to even attend.

When I was younger, I would drown my thoughts out by spending excessive hours on games and the computer (16+hrs a day). I remember depression being thrown around, anxiety, therapists trying to talk to me. I had a therapist come to my house once and I screamed at the top of my lungs around 14 years old. I never as a child was open about anything. I don't remember many good things from my childhood, but I have the most vivid memories of the bad things.. 

Fast forward to now, and not much has changed. Sometimes I feel emotionless, numb, cold hearted in relationships and I assume this is because I won't allow my wall down and allow myself to be vulnerable to someone. This is horrible to say, but I can not even manage hanging out with my little ten year old brother every now and then without it getting to me. It reminds me exactly of me as a kid and the things I went through. How could I not want to be around my own little brother?

I will not tell anyone I live with or any family members, or anyone really, I don't feel comfortable and I do not think they will understand. I don't know if I made any sense with this post, and there's a lot more to this story then what I would feel comfortable revealing. I just need help with this as I feel really lost and clueless.",4.747642455368059,5.745759063829793,5.413514306676451,82.23000000000002,69.47281323877067,9.04961278226135,29.716230537213654,9.314750747691287,2.484050199722834,1696,64,336,34,29,549,209,423,0.156,0.8009999999999999,0.043,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,4,19,13,1,0,21,0,36,8,3,8,4,90,64,37,1,8,16,2,8,1,0,5,5,3,0,3,19,34,0,0,18,1,2,7,15,8,0,1,11,14,53,4,54,44,7,47,0,3,2,0,19,18,0,9,23,239,72,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901392511175364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588839285807433,0.0,0.0595590043945431,0.0,0.0,0.10887631292099242,0.0,0.19220455381561408,0.2079228661045205,0.07278408948118675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500582851888237,0.047459798922095536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647956074624885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236046384022612,0.06706534919891946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062161031099308525,0.08614528277411919,0.0,0.10042030868553653,0.0,0.13411311569732284,0.15804275044257055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968808215005678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682911277574355,0.10284523251800644,0.0,0.0655963522958306,0.0,0.0,0.07615731140720099,0.07339494067753351,0.0,0.27556145023917905,0.055619760624696535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202836440916172,0.0,0.04424689652849058,0.06530123642570304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974295457736991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774845326446981,0.09225877058342337,0.10436938047453548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667167573909864,0.08983443191366777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252117409876282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836152284846875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499142051113668,0.038036111392251985,0.15606269985986462,0.06874755584609211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498813272570084,0.06618969523562206,0.0,0.14733691940925028,0.0,0.07893293901913404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057232520038121286,0.11545726823364535,0.060046719268397324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24508776400280466,0.08291323245498165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432158478893436,0.0,0.06798014563302407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491274945633322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182017092873352,0.07826596594415848,0.08721562661443899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995041036721528,0.0,0.0,0.08358733355969207,0.17638949815591426,0.0,0.0,0.06191356899715825,0.0,0.07879360499130447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751249136751728,0.0,0.0,0.13193289334725858,0.0,0.07700076996912117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18773114885592795,0.06804886440280515,0.0,0.0,0.18079174388577565,0.15517057889128338,0.0498864597046727,0.0,0.06180832138657935,0.04539798520658006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571712185205648,0.0,0.0,0.0810499946136133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847736464847,0.09184201203612126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721725376663993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504962129171003,0.0,0.11335900570501352,0.0,0.0,0.11061218109802053,0.0,0.0,0.15040856211843914
ptsd,BeaArthursGhost,2018/02/17,"How do you handle self imposed isolation? I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I’m female, in case this shapes any opinions or potential advice.


I sought help because someone did something to me, and I was having a confusing and unexpectedly tough time recovering. My doctor immediately pinpointed a correlation between this and some childhood trauma, which I had never even considered.


Unfortunately, I’ve begun to recall some different, deeply repressed memories of sexual abuse too. I experienced some at the hands of a male family member and, separately, a female babysitter. I also recall witnessing a male friend being sexually assaulted by his stepfather. I spoke about these incidents when they occurred, but they were dismissed, which in turn added to the trauma.


I’m beginning to feel the same worthlessness I felt as a child. In essence, the recent incident has reminded me that I don’t matter at all and that I never did. I know logically that this isn’t true, but it’s deeply ingrained in my heart.


Unfortunately, this feeling has resulted in me beginning to isolate myself.


I’ve cancelled and turned down dates. I’ve given people flat out no’s when they’ve asked to hang out. I’ve been missing school. I’ve pulled out of events. I’ve stopped talking to some wonderful people.


I’ve gone through this same pattern of withdrawing before, in my early twenties. I didn’t think for a second that it could’ve been related to PTSD at the time though. I lost some beautiful people from my life then, and I’ll never get them back.


There are some amazing people in my life right now who I don’t want to lose, but I feel like I can’t or don’t know how to maintain relationships with them. I don’t understand what my social obligations are.


As I said, I’ve mentioned this to my doctor and I’m taking active steps to deal with this. I’m not seeking medical advice.


I’d just like to know how others handle this kind of self imposed isolation. I know from experience that people can’t wait forever. Sadly, I also know that feeling of relief when they finally give up.
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ptsd,throwaway021385,2018/02/17,"Recovering psychopath with PTSD symptoms looking for advice. I was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder at a fairly young age. Amongst other things, this means I had a complete lack of empathy. Some years ago, I realized my behaviors would only serve to get me killed, or imprisoned. I isolated myself for six years. I was completely sober, and celibate for the duration. I needed time to get my mind right.

Over those years, I learned to feign being humble. I learned to feign being empathetic. I vowed to always do what society would deem the 'right thing' in all situations. I vowed to avoid manipulating people at all costs. I vowed radical honesty. I vowed non-violence in all scenarios where it's not called for. I built a conscience based on logic versus emotion, and it's served me well.

Now, I've been in a relationship with a very intelligent, and very beautiful woman for nearly four years. She has a panic disorder, which I've tried for years to sympathize with (different from empathize), and thought I understood. Holy shit, was I wrong.

Around November, I suddenly grew a conscience. A real one. I've always had the luxury of not giving a shit, and suddenly now I have no choice. I believe this happened because I tried for so long. Like playing an instrument; you'll never learn until you try. Well, try I did, and I believe the parts of my brain responsible for empathy, and remorse have decided to 'switch on'.

Now I'm really fucked. I've done some heinous, horrible shit in my life. I've had unconscionable shit happen to me. Now, I suddenly am in a position where I have to deal with all of it at once. I'm filled with rage and guilt at all times. To say it's overwhelming is an understatement. I'm stuck in a near perpetual panic attack, unless I drink. I'm spontaneously vomiting on a fairly regular basis at the fleeting memories of the horrors I've somehow been involved in. I'm neglecting my fiance. I want to do nothing but sleep, yet the nightmares are relentless. The ghosts of my past, accusing and mocking me for transgressions committed by someone I don't feel like is even me anymore. It's like having the memories of some other horrible person jammed into my fucking skull. Do I deserve this? Who the fuck am I to say?

I've made an appointment with a doctor for talk therapy. Here's where my biggest issue comes into play. There are things I can never talk about. I'll never speak them aloud for as long as I live. People would recoil, and I will not have these things on record, or plaguing the minds of others. Bearing that in mind, does anyone have any suggestions on how to process the bulk of this? I don't want any more drugs; they've only caused me problems in the past. Are there any therapy techniques I might inquire about? This is all new to me.

Thank you.",4.1160868861742586,6.460994228136888,5.128673246501093,78.22582841194078,73.44866920152091,8.811196505137122,29.06221179516221,9.420299171960508,2.9615212037861016,2228,94,394,57,47,729,265,526,0.149,0.7929999999999999,0.058,-0.9913,5,1,2,0,0,0,76.0,0,3,1,0,20,27,11,5,29,0,39,17,7,4,10,73,64,19,2,8,8,0,1,3,0,6,6,3,0,3,23,21,1,2,11,3,1,3,9,19,2,3,14,5,54,8,75,42,12,61,0,2,1,3,20,31,7,7,30,271,77,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203122287139767,0.0653418841575423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266978631464458,0.0,0.0,0.15038154449026406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731032171370208,0.051541652027934065,0.0,0.0,0.06561995427592306,0.0,0.08385886750638531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493459368216216,0.0,0.0,0.1660980002113681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228778064176706,0.07526893497250665,0.0,0.0,0.07572327485745066,0.0,0.06349698660444103,0.15457278184275522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599458394217244,0.0,0.07481686539807507,0.0,0.07701410986915683,0.16896234067014512,0.07544809868666541,0.06450650339216099,0.07543371135982736,0.0,0.0722104088957076,0.0854833600883258,0.0,0.0,0.08291689545319654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048686560418533496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03727136915931162,0.05266038628761028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20443868259438389,0.07702371406201751,0.0707119636961769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036784058279452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693693492953167,0.0,0.0,0.0815522100322012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206547842162117,0.10803694386479527,0.0,0.06508968766717024,0.13046688607099888,0.06190012493864781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974876377904184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029476839976919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819755371599224,0.2232865208156521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054657052427121725,0.17055539594897778,0.07119221024542957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072934878085396,0.0,0.0,0.078501647622968,0.0499496509372643,0.1121236997142454,0.0,0.17297200367782345,0.0,0.07982369916401326,0.1407342757514436,0.10220624602449103,0.12872621847759286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053312380115459,0.08616623223475843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390122012429642,0.04722225989172142,0.0,0.0,0.07913988166375231,0.0,0.12590053073935928,0.0,0.11723863688788587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026602164364735,0.0,0.08285619263090388,0.07376596059583368,0.0,0.06245655365715295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661574656504043,0.0,0.11849499417634922,0.0,0.0678647746186734,0.16859385295277846,0.0,0.19588583944771146,0.0,0.0,0.05851967076896765,0.08596496679621465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018440969239729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164143778422652,0.08695535142425624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255318669659322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570902171992756,0.08059329442366595,0.0,0.2373428943586673
ptsd,ozymandiassilver,2018/02/17,"When you have PTSD how much of bein in fight or flight is legitimate or an excuse? My girlfriend has had PTSD since she was a teenager and has come a long way in her mental and emotional health. I try my best to understand and be supportive. It can be hard to always understand though. We have excellent communication and openly talk about mistakes we make and when we feel hurt by each other. It seems she often pins her mistakes on being in 'fight or flight mode'. There are a lot of circumstances where this is understandable and having been raised by a verbally abusive dad I can relate to an extent. However, it's hard to understand when a simple question, or text message, awkward situation sends her into fight or flight. 

I can't help but wonder how much of what is triggering is legitimate and if she's using fight or flight as an excuse for her behavior. This is difficult because of the level of maturity we strive to have in our relationship. On my end, it feels like she thinks that every mistake she makes must be because she's in fight or flight. Some of the situations sound like things that I and others have a hard time with too, but learn to recognize and deal with. It feels like she's not trying to overcome her difficulties by handicapping herself with fight or flight and other PTSD related issues. 

I really want to understand and help her. If PTSD is simply that difficult to deal with I want to know so that I can understand her perspective better and be patient. But if this is a crutch she's leaning on too much, I want to help her take steps to empower herself and move forward with her life and healing. 

My question is, does having PTSD send you into fight or flight over little things frequently? If so, how have you found is the best way to heal from that response? What do you recommend I do to better support my girlfriend? 

Edit: the bein in the title should be being. 

Edit 2: Thank you all for your input. It's helpful to see more perspectives and how you each deal with your PTSD. Thank you for sharing. From what you've said it looks like PTSD can trigger fight or flight frequently from what may seem to be little things. I want to clarify, I made this post because I want to do my best to be supportive for her. I'm committed to helping her with her mental and emotional health goals however I can. I'm going to do my best to talk to her about her triggers and just listen as much as I can. Thank you again for the suggestions. I hope you all continue to heal and have the support you need from loved ones. :)",5.876136916102753,6.533153619144603,6.1842454503646325,78.93508442283691,66.78004073319755,9.675606070560413,29.891662834242158,9.698958519613793,2.6476314434005648,2021,69,385,41,31,649,203,491,0.098,0.708,0.193,0.9958,3,0,0,0,8,0,42.0,5,12,0,8,19,36,8,1,17,0,46,7,0,11,4,102,89,48,0,16,19,1,6,4,2,3,6,3,0,0,26,35,0,0,18,0,0,7,2,15,0,1,6,11,63,21,66,71,16,37,0,1,2,1,75,18,0,24,15,287,89,5,0.0,0.07065773273425036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496211038065754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905884185155716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25033304627703223,0.10548463654245734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513702788333226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844432236407278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218699725801186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416271439647354,0.05281891636243368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024506616510648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045975542780922,0.085206523072256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538670804821534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0338919492603545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026376061978226,0.0,0.0,0.1267784494087733,0.0,0.0,0.19986044360760616,0.0,0.0,0.059231018640308025,0.0,0.0,0.06384050932265048,0.0,0.0,0.06224345455213798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03277384073374805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04212196967347038,0.11653861025370067,0.11953988912371978,0.0,0.05277510535841549,0.05007838714811458,0.0,0.0,0.05069955112082429,0.053822922906510064,0.05642808635832699,0.07961366164986575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201961232536482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06338257568213695,0.17535436989803269,0.04421860270125635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04041022469710299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05711385289824601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4879709304070738,0.0,0.13360971384844045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0382037130815227,0.0,0.0,0.06402568067094337,0.0,0.0,0.05672654876131415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04752138029984297,0.1085789428564959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04933069475910317,0.13406449490374173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706924008845614,0.0,0.0,0.04483810424800448,0.09586472077977726,0.0,0.16471170908501115,0.0,0.0,0.11885654812189865,0.03821170508536825,0.058591092446274265,0.0,0.034773652659526394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097651159451474,0.0,0.0,0.3724928779890129,0.0,0.051505499607778615,0.0,0.0,0.17587136364992387,0.09467098692806296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467162217310381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,smileyme,2018/02/17,"A moment of peace 1 year post-trial and 8 years post-abuse. Today I finished a piece of artwork. I found moments in my brain that didn’t have negative self-talk, nagging doubt, horrific flashbacks, or moments of terror. Today I found peace and solitude pushing paint into canvas and letting my mind relax. No drug, no amount of alcohol, no EMDR session has ever let me feel this way. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know what do to, I encourage you to grab something to write with and paper. Just let the scribbles come. Let the mess leave your hands and enter onto the paper. You never know what it may lead to. Stay strong friends, we only have each other. ",4.427559055118111,6.222257622047247,4.786622047244098,83.36497244094491,71.20472440944883,6.33984251968504,27.660629921259844,6.742157984588678,1.4294636220472432,526,19,92,4,10,166,92,127,0.187,0.6579999999999999,0.155,-0.5719,0,0,3,0,1,0,20.0,1,3,0,2,3,9,1,3,5,0,11,4,2,1,2,27,18,8,0,1,3,0,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,6,11,1,0,6,1,0,4,7,5,0,0,3,4,11,4,12,10,3,19,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,4,10,62,17,4,0.0,0.17210848555082875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523798668736294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621573888107722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512800156749534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845463993056145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139532869251194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14689490597851013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185385905222373,0.1122269540002842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159661395181881,0.0,0.0,0.15380859633975028,0.0,0.5941497930992875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667045698127346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203290629939833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104762227615398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782364603534776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153710162507886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182768509303746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482705767286276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675390132609505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27537761219472545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530004965679493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870844186188079
ptsd,TheKyle671,2018/02/17,"Advice for supporting a friend with PTSD? I hope to understand more of where my friend is coming from.

I guess the main point of this post is that we (her friends) can’t take her seriously anymore because she blames everything on her PTSD. She lashes out, “I’m sorry guys but my PTSD”. She has a nice house with a nice view, “it’s so good for my PTSD”. She gets anxious, “It’s because of my PTSD”. We have a disagreement like normal friends do and she wants nothing to do with us because “her PTSD”. Basically, there’s never a day that goes by that it’s not mentioned. She justifies everything on her PTSD and it’s gotten to a point where, it’s not that we don’t want to believe her, but it’s always a pity party with her. 

I just think that PTSD is not something someone openly shares? I’m sure it’s different with everyone. By openly sharing I mean even to strangers or people she does not know too well at work, one way or another she will tell them about her PTSD. To a co-worker she doesn’t know too well outside of work, “I’m sorry I handled it that way, my PTSD...”. 

We want to support her and not discredit that she has/does not have PTSD, but how do you sympathize/help someone who uses this to justify everything she does. I mean, everything. ",1.4951999409768355,3.8331335059760967,2.8443204957946016,91.22794451822342,82.46613545816734,6.268319315331267,22.842113029364018,7.526774132740827,0.9989821750036888,974,34,205,16,27,315,119,251,0.07200000000000001,0.745,0.183,0.9849,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,5,1,1,2,12,18,0,0,9,0,13,0,0,2,2,44,34,10,0,5,12,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,18,16,0,0,6,0,0,1,10,2,2,1,1,1,38,16,27,32,2,16,0,1,1,0,37,10,0,4,3,134,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060917382017688176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051871410320903116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536834125530272,0.0,0.07042582615069115,0.061823976152794335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140046371571238,0.0,0.0,0.07023520445650898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369991006345535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020378339463428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651314494552965,0.0,0.0,0.10910733299034217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0411746140342253,0.0,0.0,0.059568009096587576,0.22410668608415468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265319548030996,0.0,0.032569785899055195,0.0,0.0,0.05228736694849248,0.0,0.0,0.0686739244586497,0.061725849368402676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417848144519272,0.0,0.0,0.06191713275046794,0.0,0.07193134714108497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852025489472886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03045590286675805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581185729314624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048080021394571966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06107941803016824,0.05981637667373928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224281980090815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432183203718733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786184667530185,0.0,0.05970395399185061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8015861989439166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564001517602446,0.04799194869951859,0.0,0.1395678048256534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148412187450024,0.05875418708501352,0.0,0.04687150274862428,0.0,0.054487420732162235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0399445977919142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489755847666114,0.07498667403910557,0.05384126307130177,0.0,0.0,0.11030825557378794,0.098964296069925,0.0,0.0,0.1121012914923685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615157045972764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwawaywayway7997,2018/02/17,"How to deal with unsupportive friend who wants to be supportive? After I told a friend I had been assaulted he tried to be supportive over text but stopped wanting to see me in person (he claimed he was really busy with work but it was kind of a thin excuse as it mostly applied just to seeing me, not anyone else). While its gotten a little better recently after I kind of told him I was upset that I had rarely seen him in months and that I thought it was linked to disclosure, I still feel like things arent the same anymore and it feels like the whole friendship is on thin ice. He's normally a pretty emotionally supportive person but I realize this kind of thing can be taken really differently. I still feel like there is this underlying tension, probably because he still says its because work was and has been really busy and so while I see him more often now (but not as often as before I said anything) i feel like the same thing can happen again at any moment if I do or say the wrong thing (like mentioning or alluding to assault at all).

This ever happen with anyone else? Advice on how to deal with friend?

And advice about how to deal with the impact of this on myself? Self-esteem hit new lows and had already felt really humiliated about assault before and wanted to tell friends to stop feeling so bad about it and to be able to talk to someone on days when my PTSD got really bad. But now I feel even more humiliated about it and feel like anyone that knows is going to see me as damaged, so theres a lot of shame. I'm also terrified to talk to anyone else about it. I had told one friend over skype and she was supportive over text as well and didn't stop texting me or anything like that but I havent talked about it to her at all in person since she moved to the same city as me so I guess a part of me is worried she'd react the same way (not wanting to see me in person) even though she hasnt done anything like that. 

**TL;DR how do you deal with friend that suddenly feels uneasy around you after disclosure of trauma/ptsd? How do you keep it from making you feel bad about having ptsd or telling anyone else about it, especially on really bad days when u really need some semblance of support?**",5.523265306122447,5.84046890022676,6.085215419501138,80.5260544217687,67.48072562358277,9.163718820861678,27.217687074829932,9.049649993220411,1.959674829931972,1759,48,348,29,27,572,190,441,0.159,0.705,0.136,-0.9614,2,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,4,0,3,37,37,3,3,13,0,33,0,0,7,3,77,76,43,0,7,15,0,12,8,6,0,0,3,0,4,27,18,0,4,14,0,0,2,7,13,1,1,24,21,38,24,69,46,13,48,0,2,6,0,45,21,0,11,32,248,65,2,0.05390989533335673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536025158014913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949091005482855,0.04311172382097665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0366605774757645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053464130149685235,0.1884752614229172,0.22094823418284348,0.13308975131573664,0.047991236408221914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005004314208178,0.06572594364331275,0.0,0.09174670055455346,0.0,0.0,0.04767892148117851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953484527129784,0.2223149396525214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056324366487033664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055168540041902164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013919993736602,0.06064137617648775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121395486270027,0.04876458672877599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24532616602493454,0.19256619998928234,0.05176195372055465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249903908431644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030638235871972112,0.0,0.04311666806074757,0.0,0.0593878275650336,0.0,0.09534468480624783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479175919823544,0.0,0.16841658033446272,0.029627468609650494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107012141270604,0.054031877761692534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045832265176319185,0.0,0.0,0.03598527375221342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043030364124682925,0.0572976870998102,0.0,0.03997350429988058,0.0,0.05206651284677672,0.0,0.0,0.05282025127211666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036530740276939866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837916316507611,0.0,0.0,0.18828816481395452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484574451124216,0.05812398518588461,0.0,0.18905334820240727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417524157461863,0.0,0.05322951790345709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128065570383459,0.0857426251076898,0.0,0.0,0.21479603421503665,0.0,0.056239778143989866,0.0,0.0,0.044594822509239546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045677679371730416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291575361544082,0.13521325927201647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058815518156508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12999219539523355,0.0942392493923512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326135599590653,0.0,0.052966198449534034,0.042798435100941466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15453964574649798,0.0,0.0366012801928802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718981209935612,0.042791165616539735,0.0,0.0,0.0484714702228425,0.0,0.0,0.060188472906339975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849409173287658,0.054748115559616686,0.0,0.0,0.05894200762987621,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Akeur_,2018/02/18,"Pacifist having aggressive thoughts? Any advice?

(I haven't got a diagnosis yet, but me, my family and my therapist etc thinks I have it...)

But do any of you sometimes get really disturbing thoughts about things breaking/dying? Like I look at a pet cat and sometimes just imagine it dead, or someone's phone shattering. 

I find it so distressing: I am a complete pacifist, vegetarian etc yet have these awful thoughts. I know I would never do anything like this, so it's just scary for me to imagine these things happening... How do I deal with it? I just want them to stop.",3.2420475785896343,5.885858336448603,4.19429056924384,82.31695836873408,77.78504672897195,7.629226847918438,29.353440951571788,8.575989854853784,2.599343925233645,450,21,82,10,11,145,69,107,0.27,0.691,0.04,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,0,9,5,1,2,3,1,9,0,0,1,1,22,19,8,1,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,1,8,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,1,15,2,7,14,2,5,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,6,60,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717176231650911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389997037244753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460770180290167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842455927163898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116601117918293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919623608959016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565903592773593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061057662997447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180969431611018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054430674090634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539411125930114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657453192729608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170190439595814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756576251751385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553088990602602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257471282374287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889225140932524,0.0,0.3475954391685366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691498393606384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20403167929107333,0.23348937738926215,0.1125982628262225,0.0,0.4185209568408288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364787430248973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12483086104715145,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Walkerboo,2018/02/19,"Is this a normal symptom? First time post... My husband was diagnosed with ptsd 3 years ago and has made limited progress in recovery. He has periods were he seems impaired- can’t walk in a straight line, squints when he takes and can’t see properly slurs words, talks with his eyes half open. Is this a ptsd symptom? It comes on suddenly and gets better with sleep. Alcohol is also and issue and I am struggling with this being a ptsd issue or he is lying about alcohol consumption as the behaviour is similar... ",3.3384375000000013,6.04530596875,4.133166666666663,82.52850000000002,77.85416666666666,8.423333333333334,29.391666666666666,9.120678840339163,3.0277241666666668,407,19,73,11,10,130,68,96,0.086,0.836,0.078,-0.2168,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,5,0,13,7,2,1,0,17,19,9,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,11,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,3,2,3,1,9,15,0,15,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,2,7,44,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227610063124266,0.3430574892315112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283540786393831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195173597439142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825900144128805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290702368829646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136523650175796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385611950259872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350465704325701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518716863199952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725872418570458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371737217540365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5628577605241476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789999853195322,0.14611577509242452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16061877260210097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16779243750644532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336478526374798,0.12067817540885463,0.12900611861057548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359050802063452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335857913269658
ptsd,Sticksofbutter123,2018/02/19,"Adderall, wellbutrin, and ? Seeking major advice.

History: anxiety insomnia ocd ptsd and major nerve pain
adderall, zolpidiem, clonazepam for 12 years. Got myself off of all a year ago. Finding my brain is burnt out, even with tons of supplements (seriously doing all) and I need help. Tried wellbutrin and felt immediate effect on dopamine first day (unless it was pure placebo, but seriously felt good) and then the night came and I couldnt sleep, heart was pounding. 

Adderall used to calm me, being able to focus. I have heard combining wellbutrin and adderall, and researched it a bit. It seems like it would be fantastic except for the insomnia/anxiety issues. 

Should I bite the bullet and get back on the sleep and anxiety meds? 

My concern is that they cant be taken long term. I need something that can. Seriously, I need my life back. 

Ps. Ketogenic diet, CBT therapy, and some supplements have helped (but get really expensive and complicated combining as well)

Any advice so much appreciated!
",5.3296803808228495,8.345887537572256,5.703679020741244,72.29547772866373,72.46820809248554,9.157293437606256,31.56375382522951,9.627879704456738,3.774020333219992,796,37,121,22,17,254,116,173,0.054000000000000006,0.8440000000000001,0.103,0.9156,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,2,5,8,0,0,6,0,15,8,4,2,3,35,28,18,0,6,4,0,2,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,6,15,1,0,5,0,1,1,2,4,1,1,8,3,12,4,14,14,9,16,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,12,79,18,1,0.13708005643120744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679060892792456,0.12151319908894515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932191390486519,0.0,0.3145976038957789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081220389737731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965591819953356,0.0,0.0,0.15302667807378054,0.0,0.15678306601358644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840529604800554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905400844400098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632367023948875,0.0,0.12528868816351182,0.11660022597300575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323734342924635,0.0,0.0,0.11497624761527064,0.10963544362950817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624405268857194,0.1837637446045248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307596439742826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682369779625273,0.0669703913911841,0.0,0.0,0.121311536283807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522650402084404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076961411038284,0.3049293747259566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864034690299805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586284490539864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602392503259016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781699428528511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247925350081071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743581080171278,0.0,0.0,0.10553092456636518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676299117446404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306836014556306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839315605436887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325143338461607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737773906977172,0.0,0.0,0.17655012399101286
ptsd,Sunshinefree,2018/02/19,"Gahhhhahhh the frustration Can't work - live off government disability aid (thank G-d for at least having it), but still fairly poor.
No family or close friends.
In a assisted living cause so dysfunctional.
Depressed.
Roommate had a psychotic episode and is in the hospital for the time being.
Don't speak to the ppl I grew up calling family.
Alone and messed up.
Self loathing and conceited .
Empty.
Aching pain.
Anxiety.
Panic.
Wanting control.
Wanting to let go.
Wanting to be free.
To be happy.
What is happy?
How happy? 
Where? 
Whatttt? 
Gaaahhh I know near nothing.
I'm ignorant.
Am I lost? 
What is right? What is truth? 
Trust???????? 
Is mankind so dumb? 
Is there anything solid, that just makes sense?
I was raped and abused - repeat repeat repeat repeat.
""CLAAAAARITY!"" I'm calling you.
Swirling sober numbness.
Drunk on Disassociation.
You say its my perception ehhhh? 
Ha! I don't get it, I just don't get it, near not at all.",0.8724012328383317,1.9671476746987968,2.4071476604090805,84.68048332866351,123.45783132530121,5.399607733258616,23.13757355001401,6.613842558306772,1.7128191650322226,718,32,123,16,43,232,115,166,0.304,0.547,0.15,-0.9891,0,1,0,0,1,0,54.0,0,2,0,3,8,19,3,1,6,1,18,4,0,4,2,22,30,9,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,8,5,1,2,2,1,2,2,6,10,0,0,3,2,9,10,16,23,2,21,0,2,0,1,8,13,1,1,6,75,17,2,0.0,0.1782166225568033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578409084447364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506670405257102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377834236980664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30718010578014554,0.0,0.0,0.15451715630908766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870268584961653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955181462809987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28359486541959483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620989306690267,0.0,0.15717076800536986,0.0,0.08548404392997266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803571936697328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266389222749419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538090482292153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26563757212854483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419522817317012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040286702931173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432679862017164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005166535746246,0.17647904280220494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845318710972622,0.0,0.1196156717704834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691515939632633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012123827502195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848149076192234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770792227727632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26615516140632345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095035695588928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,radkind,2018/02/19,"Posture, triggers, and vulnerability Does anyone else have difficulty keeping good posture? When I have good posture I feel extremely vulnerable. I have the same reaction as when I experience a trigger: my face gets hot, and I feel an urge to make myself small and hide. Any tips on how to get past this?

FWIW, part of my experience was growing up with an abusive parent.

Also, do other people experience your face getting hot? Is there a name for that?",4.315609756097562,7.054906597560978,5.81969512195122,71.59466463414637,74.48780487804878,8.002439024390245,30.981707317073173,8.841846274778883,3.0627024390243904,359,17,59,8,8,121,61,82,0.152,0.763,0.085,-0.7053,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,6,2,2,4,0,13,13,8,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,8,12,2,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,41,12,0,0.0,0.2348793667102662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853069015098206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480849600680228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861247299614446,0.20311804393451344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734792271438183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560223738618665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5817437964794036,0.0,0.0,0.2004699674090556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31071319211007725,0.0,0.0,0.33254490817450805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620285746123796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232526509261666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011960747452566,0.2146722099405638,0.1892404029527072,0.13743312408213976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thatactorperson8,2018/02/19,"4 year anniversary of my moms unexpected death-how to deal with disturbing flashbacks and general loss. Hey all- hope you’re having a good day, or at least tying to. 

Today marks the 4 year anniversary of my mom’s death. My boyfriend is here now but is leaving in a few hours. The sadness is slowly beginning to set it. I had a breakdown last night because my PTSD was triggered and I dissociated for about 2 hours. 

The flashbacks hit me out of the blue and takeover and I feel like a slave and can’t escape from underneath and like I am being crushed and drowning. 

Does anyone have any distraction, coping tips for flashbacks or perhaps even memorial tips? I have a list of self soothing activities already and a long list of comfort movies but I need more. 

I don’t want to fall into this rabbit hole of grief and depression. I have it in my mind that If I do allow myself to feel fully the gravity of today I will break into a million pieces and never be able to be put to together. I don’t have any pets so that’s not an option. Thank you. ",3.833242753623189,5.374850328502417,4.903934178743962,82.94691576086956,72.28502415458938,7.880314009661838,27.91334541062802,8.472884824447931,1.9958794685990344,826,31,161,14,16,271,130,207,0.13699999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.107,-0.8536,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,5,12,0,2,13,0,19,0,0,2,2,32,27,16,3,4,6,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,5,14,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,2,3,19,6,26,20,5,24,0,4,1,0,6,7,0,5,15,109,24,0,0.16347009575027294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039331560186445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22233054147724948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11430209181763434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964985309479346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542468821532128,0.16853049077071444,0.14079655393463236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305378239659947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797045651986407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653107842762852,0.1167830690668646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711096052916782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623626898824635,0.321970231541616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324994609951205,0.0,0.1730912281810398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972646318020914,0.0,0.0,0.14466589063507265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505819662175722,0.3829084008732199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121100467676525,0.12607821545435016,0.0,0.0,0.1534056110936501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910877940648683,0.16433259697243432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053496137069374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050130126683867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30990107342933004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641889783764844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21053876417111725
ptsd,JustDell27,2018/02/19,"Hello New Here For some time now I have been regaining memory back of sexual abuse I experienced. Bits by bits the images, sounds, and taste come back to me, but the worse one yet was two days ago when I was smoking weed with my freinds and  a video game had triggered me but it was the time that specific NFL game was played that's what triggered me all of a sudden i could feel and see the pain of someone having sex with me as a young child infact I could see the constant abuse I felt throughout my childhood over and over again. I felt sick all if a sudden, my insides and ovaries started to hurt. I didn't realize it untill now but I may have sexual related PTSD and it may have been interfering with my life for years now. I also have ADHD and other forms of disorders. Anybody know what could help me overcome this ?",3.574094746716696,5.194003079268295,4.223902439024393,87.24867729831148,73.08536585365854,7.4851782363977515,24.81050656660413,8.139509932561175,1.3439874296435277,651,20,133,10,13,207,98,164,0.151,0.8109999999999999,0.039,-0.9698,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,9,0,18,5,0,2,2,30,26,15,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,9,11,1,0,5,4,0,1,1,2,0,2,10,8,19,1,16,11,6,24,0,1,2,1,5,2,0,4,21,98,28,0,0.0,0.3624237958824617,0.0,0.0,0.1838072091931848,0.0,0.1355743317328423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230809222007752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23520674197371866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333947279009833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317464538547847,0.0,0.1652765495271738,0.0,0.3663365141513123,0.0,0.0,0.09863528425894956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528539863605738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773323425195182,0.0,0.293697641756769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251415919535983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637281499450744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405321898062053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802783749460082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771285605014234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363782179560367,0.0,0.16274164346727113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878164218525747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24375080217504025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129587715958563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825351544402227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836404744211076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940263600827125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586151226224518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984899799235456
ptsd,cooliobossthebest,2018/02/19,Any medical trauma people here? I'm a cancer survivor and I'm wondering if anyone else has medically related PTSD like I do,2.3912499999999994,5.245158958333335,6.213333333333335,64.76500000000001,84.41666666666666,9.866666666666667,28.83333333333333,9.725611199111238,4.345933333333334,101,5,15,4,3,38,21,24,0.255,0.5670000000000001,0.177,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148286607972736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22089061762143988,0.3236856626603972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639010740162219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433697030959018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6364892986994956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21901122607481532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36928021333372707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425893687757068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Wonde_Alice_rland,2018/02/19,"I hate being alive, knowing sleep is inevitable and I have to get raped and attacked hours a night is making me think about killing myself. Its driving me insane. Knowing that as soon as I drift asleep I am going to get raped and attacked for hours. Im going to try to run and I never get away. Im going to watch my loved ones be attacked again and I wont be able to help. Ill hear their screams and I wont be able to do anything. I run and run and end up getting caught and raped and beaten. Im constantly exhausted and I've been screaming at my wife every day because everything is setting me off because I just can't take this.

PTSD, Bi-Polar, some other shit. On tons of meds (prazosin, quetiepine, etc).  I don't know if I can do this much longer. Im trying to hang on for my wife but I just feel in pain all the time.
",0.98471602434077,2.9017306494252884,2.4396957403651136,95.80134888438135,81.58620689655173,4.783772819472616,21.72954699121028,5.5289334501034215,-0.04544043272481435,639,20,144,3,17,207,105,174,0.211,0.754,0.035,-0.9774,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,1,1,5,15,10,0,2,0,17,10,3,1,2,24,35,15,1,1,4,2,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,5,11,0,0,5,0,0,10,5,14,0,1,2,5,20,1,21,27,5,28,0,0,1,4,6,7,1,2,10,89,25,1,0.233729055201636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616954871239382,0.0,0.0,0.39885081377073855,0.10979807062597363,0.0,0.0,0.1424790626562596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628903745244874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536795234137783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103507284224816,0.0,0.1303348400176529,0.0,0.0,0.09846340482943472,0.0,0.10503030193937513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909021654113927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24422756906371015,0.0,0.1992504125389208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537952646792855,0.0,0.0,0.1317148160612796,0.0,0.07833182945231149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23017603824076865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049349754500196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929328487003836,0.0,0.19267706429393733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547479885552513,0.0,0.07800797964147492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981014494263002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590887439148745,0.0,0.09013312815535056,0.0,0.0,0.10966944253315694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919042838006064,0.0,0.12435209692910575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366083789281437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995975819385228,0.0,0.0,0.11694892576501915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786758078590554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748820705037997,0.0,0.0,0.06814464584367297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868668610378422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,criminy420,2018/02/20,"Questions about CBT and PE. Hello. I am new here. I have been suffering from ptsd for quite a long time. Recently I decided I couldn't cope alone anymore. I started some mild medication and began therapy. Right now my therapist is gearing me up for Prolonged Exposure Therapy. 

Since gearing up for this I have seen my anxiety start to rise due to the anticipation and knowing I'm going to be diving deeper into something painful that I have been keeping buried for a very long time. 

My question is, has anyone here had experience with PE? What was your experience? Did it help or hinder you? Please include any details you think are important. I know things will be hard at first and I am petrified but it would be helpful to hear from anyone else who has used this program to help their ptsd.  Negative or positive. 

Thanks for reading. ",3.6819435483871,6.447351722580649,4.631995967741936,79.10799395161294,76.93548387096773,8.004032258064516,30.33266129032258,8.841846274778883,2.993717741935484,667,32,115,16,16,216,108,155,0.084,0.764,0.152,0.8836,0,1,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,1,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,21,2,0,1,0,20,34,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,6,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,7,3,17,1,18,21,1,19,0,1,1,0,12,5,0,5,12,80,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792690478324124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905621014174385,0.0,0.1018768620566326,0.0,0.1320716778128154,0.18623509955285575,0.1364513175310624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124882378604548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605371929133956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327675408321965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568519688821622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192967114734325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009547523138786,0.0,0.2677888528937864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837014372329994,0.0,0.0,0.14637662588609793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23570755456785736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415763103027628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861916373246735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170529666085618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14618379295858672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113438589364119,0.0,0.2983681292898193,0.1416457134240764,0.13320888364849762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314921185287116,0.0,0.0,0.11372888214416525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016195370747367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252296246017978,0.0,0.0,0.18852085051802728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260766351058075,0.30458950919581873,0.15462393755625595,0.08847412086919464,0.08533178191092039,0.0,0.0,0.15530831395037742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150185800378451,0.0,0.10988154426647104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460216830403204,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PersistingMatriarch,2018/02/20,"Trouble understanding instructions. Is anyone familiar with the situation where someone, such as a boss or professor, is giving you instructions, and while you understand the individual words being said, it doesn't form a full idea or store in memory. Another poster, [daneeth](/u/daneeth), also summarized the experience quite well:

>I've also noticed that I struggle to understand what people are telling me. For example, someone gives me instructions and I understand the language but somehow my brain just doesn't compute. To explain it simply: you can tell me to go shopping for groceries, but I don't understand the concept of grocery shopping. People need to continuously repeat their instructions to me and explain what I have to do.

Does anyone have any experience with dealing with this or explaining this to a superior? I'm an accountant and this type of cognitive dysfunction is very harmful to my career. Are there any kind of mental ""exercises"" I can do to help?

Thanks in advance.",8.915292207792211,10.61121522619048,8.768744588744593,59.39746753246757,60.42857142857143,12.2995670995671,43.24891774891775,11.911945987284742,6.160683333333332,810,47,110,26,11,262,102,168,0.042,0.8640000000000001,0.094,0.866,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,1,2,8,7,0,1,9,0,15,2,1,1,0,26,30,13,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,9,3,4,2,3,3,1,0,1,1,15,4,20,28,2,9,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,4,3,87,23,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730321033199094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777917901472472,0.12935457839562148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725135107161223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771147575805026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717959121847644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795388706372824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413411109373463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236677883360182,0.07010879826507388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268615897194502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925935304586234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846131333521016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431869428193867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147048676755297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404471140203415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104572345920022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312094194883066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173443915199362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866273308024454,0.0,0.0,0.2090464491278977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289635161593286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21564559238687847,0.11357407128782533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6421148337592779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017855979341744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091619444621964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,J-coor,2018/02/20,"Exercise, cenfidence and c-ptsd So a few months ago I went to muay thai, only to discover that it was too violent and turbulent for me. The last time I went, I left early because I felt worse. 

But I feel like I need to be able to do something other than being great at reading books. Yes, I could throw a book at some attacker but I don.t throw that well ;)

It's also a confidence thing. Muay thai helped me feel confident. I was able to defend myself and the activities was easy to learn. I didn't have to freeze. 

Idk. I do go outside, I do exercise with body weight, but it's differerent. 

I don't know how to feel confident except when it has something to do with my body.

I have looked at other martial arts, but I suspect them to be as turbolent as muay thai.  

J",1.3490384615384627,3.5155752500000013,3.265064102564107,89.01951923076925,81.75641025641026,7.2333333333333325,22.570512820512814,8.278499904357787,1.3684051282051288,593,20,127,13,16,199,92,156,0.079,0.7440000000000001,0.177,0.9557,1,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,2,0,5,1,16,5,2,1,0,21,26,13,0,2,5,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,5,1,0,7,6,0,5,2,2,1,0,7,7,20,3,20,15,2,15,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,7,85,29,4,0.3355436120145177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871958325391213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341670526497209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086464965756725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227213574042096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727133100555423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395213538069306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25449139828801765,0.11985621173397765,0.1610872438995121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534858365671184,0.0,0.0,0.18496900840950825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124539050887748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220299696981313,0.13675641410057532,0.0,0.0,0.1822845581205659,0.0,0.0,0.08196482993388983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088606263702588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391385491859945,0.0,0.0,0.12440066832554753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275980185556418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961162631554437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678172074406467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583178657064539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114601330509832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782908926795712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043008617291502,0.15084700218443184,0.31105229000505524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709738034677728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Revenant674,2018/02/20,"Rage and Depression; confessions of a professional soldier turned madman Not really sure why I'm posting this but just for my own sanity I suppose, to say something this beats just going into the woods and screaming at trees which I feel like doing often. 

I have PTSD ,chronic depression, anxiety the whole circus of fun from my time in the Army (15 years).

I feel like im on the verge of a psychotic breakdown, literally almost all of the time. Im either so depressed I can hardly move, have little energy and general fatigue OR im so angry I could kill everyone around me.

There was a line on a tv show (Vikings) where the main character says ""I feel like im always torn between killing myself, or everyone else"". Thats pretty much it.

This isnt new either, I've been this way for years now. Ive been on all the SSRI meds, they got me addicted to benzodiazapines (that was fun), i had a dozen prescriptions at one point like i was a cancer patient. Nothing works. Tried therapy multiple times, I usually just end up arguing with the therapist. Taking advice from some 27 year old woman with no kids whos lived in an upper class 1st world city her whole life on how to ""manage stress"" ? Thats rich.

The only solace I ever find really is with other vets in the same boat and we all have the same feelings. There doesnt seem to be any fix for it but it does feel better to be around your own kind. Its ridiculous to me that some medical proffesional (arguable) read about this in a bool and is able to comment in any way on what this is like. Im qualified to write a  book on space exploration then if that is the case.

I cant leave my house, go anywhere online or read the news or speak to very many people without being enraged by one thing or another, whether its BS nonsense in the media, the peanut gallery comments and opinions... just listening to people on a bus complain about something abitrary and pointless - i cant fucking handle it. 

I feel betrayed by the government, my own country and nobody seems to give much of a shit either way - while im constantly going to funerals for other guys that have opted out of living another second in this world that seems completely upside down. This keeps happening and the war goes on, but people are more happy to protest some statue from 300 years ago or complain the canadian national anthem isnt ""inclusive"" enough and stage marches for womens rights while supporting politicians that send billions to islamic countries who treat their women in a ... ""colorful"" manner.

If it wasnt for my wife and kids, its difficult to say id even still be here. They are all that keeps me going but its still difficult knowing every single day just to exist is going to be a struggle of some kind. Every task seems monumental and or ultimately pointless.

My thoughts are so scattered and frantic that its like living inside a pinball machine, or someone is constantly flipping channels in my head. Trying to focus on one thing is like having a dinner conversation with your wife while 5 guys are in a booth next to you, drunkenly yelling.

Sleeping almost never happens and when it does I cant stop. I often wake up out of a dead sleep sometimes more than twice a night with a panicked feeling like im late for work or ive forgotten to pick up my kids or something. 

It feels like hard work just to exist.

I hate myself for how pathetic and feeble I've become. I was once a special forces operator in training, now I can barely keep my house clean or get dressed. I try not to think about my old career and how I used to have responsibilities, choices that had exciting and serious consequences or being a valued member of a group or I get too depressed. I hate self pity. 

If any of this speaks to anyone, id appreciate even a ""yeah, me too"".

This just sucks, I dunno what else to say. Thanks for reading.
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ptsd,darth_steven,2018/02/20,"Experience with EMDR Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker.

I was recently diagnosed with ptsd. After a few talks with my psychologist, she suggested we would start with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing(EMDR). I was wondering if anyone had experience with and would share it.",8.052755102040816,10.943168918367348,9.175255102040818,51.09920918367348,63.89795918367346,12.246938775510205,36.73979591836735,11.698219412168324,5.768097959183675,243,12,32,9,4,83,37,49,0.029,0.923,0.048,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,13,8,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,6,1,7,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,3,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19185579609983688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784941636108707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.536800750020055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207404192896926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709212725393926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071506216543498,0.1942105325172032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053960774509013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975579351878466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898292933247986,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,HelenWoolf,2018/02/20,"Marijuana edibles induced PTSD The bad marijuana edibles trip happened a year ago and I still feel anxiety and paranoid about it. 

It happened twice. The first time in October 2016 I purposely eaten for the first time 2 marijuana infused oreos. I knew what they were, there was a label and they had the distinct skunk-like marijuana aroma barely masked by the oreo flavour. Long bad trip, but at least I knew it was my fault. This did not trigger any anxiety.

November 2016. I was offered hazelnut ""chocolate"", no label but it was a party. It literally had NO strange aroma whatsoever. NONE. It was the most delicious ""belgian chocolate"" I have ever had, so I thought. I stopped eating because I was full, not because anything seemed strange. 

After 45 mins it hit me. I started recognising the same symptoms I had from the oreo cookies. I immediately went to throw up everything until I could no longer have the throwing up reflex. I knew that I had eaten a large amount of marijuana infused chocolate but why did I not have any marijuana aroma?!?!?!

After a very long bad trip even though I threw up everything, I still felt buzzed for weeks, I would feel sensitive when taking multivitamins. It is only now, after more than a year since it happened, that I feel comfortable to have multivitamin supplements.

Now, the problem is that I have developed intense paranoia because I could not recognize any marijuana scent in the chocolate to make me stop myself from eating too much of it or none at all. With the intense marijuana legalisation lobby and subsequent marijuana edible legalisation, I have started to ""see"" marijuana in everything.

I Googled what products are most commonly infused with it so I can know to steer away from them, what I found triggered an even intense paranoia: ""The question is not what can be infused, but rather what can't be"". They infuse marijuana in EVERYTHING! Creams, dog food, cooking butter, tea, lip balm, chocolate, tarts, cookies, dog food, etc. Etc. 

Now I am afraid that there can be marijuana in anything and that I cannot sense it since I have previously experienced an aroma free marijuana chocolate.

How can I deal with this anxiety??",6.1877835497835525,8.360659332467534,6.7625324675324645,69.43617965367966,67.36363636363637,9.704761904761906,36.20995670995672,10.047579312681364,4.1783956709956716,1733,90,275,44,30,566,185,385,0.127,0.813,0.06,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,1,0,64.0,0,0,4,2,18,8,0,1,21,0,38,10,1,5,3,48,62,16,0,5,11,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,24,8,8,2,13,1,1,7,12,6,0,3,24,15,38,3,33,31,13,46,0,0,2,0,7,12,0,5,27,204,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788096918348864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225428218829314,0.0,0.2275237796424665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316632180577587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931445949641962,0.0,0.2483314144311196,0.1813031117896925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830925859111458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220822028076172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028884191225588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113295459484653,0.13096108785217286,0.08967713335082682,0.0,0.0,0.3563998848918235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038336069183342,0.0,0.09518923336959896,0.0,0.0,0.16865560189919754,0.2397591650096465,0.10870107767109308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26300555138151954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544843426672008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17547024457738608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617622355525808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287876065039144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539987196855998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486287943946548,0.11588848557569588,0.0,0.11105865638580843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900115184269127,0.09025265572466208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640180349383598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034255206195273,0.0,0.15834547663866191,0.16576971522357173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030436472664082,0.07454038286944976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740381617224553,0.07870549571353196,0.11561779546581595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180026933090004,0.0,0.0,0.07952353159163214,0.0,0.0,0.09190308402665848,0.08945775888331389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042568338674372,0.0,0.0,0.12768486157983833
ptsd,Mixmaster-McGuire,2018/02/20,"How do I help my partner who has PTSD Hi, a few months ago I started dating someone who suffers from PTSD in the form of very vivid nightmares. Often times when they tell me about it or when I’m there and it happens (usually they jolt awake or gasp, and are usually covered in sweat) I find myself at a loss for words. I generally just end up listening to them while they talk about it, and if they want me to, offer consolation in the form of a hug. I’ve never experienced any sort of trauma, and have never really dealt with a situation like this. I feel utterly helpless, and am looking for any advice on what I can do to be a better support system. ",6.299738276990187,5.554103641221378,7.2917775354416605,76.11633587786261,66.02290076335878,10.233805888767725,32.45474372955289,9.606745405546679,2.8194484187568167,511,18,102,9,7,173,92,131,0.087,0.8,0.113,0.343,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,5,2,8,8,0,0,7,0,8,2,1,1,2,20,16,12,0,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,15,4,18,15,3,20,0,3,2,1,14,6,0,5,14,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823523268984547,0.16541777502972874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25380127734646674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504065139760393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528034125733435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094355206283615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055740600847302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501787790999148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508019701366455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116781732238684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670470898460356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894966380095678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878490009988256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362722808728001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954661644482895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20975653226333665,0.0,0.0,0.1581133491204748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320829351324668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117618813256643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998938691110442,0.16310464481746548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881331110416817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41104728648631295,0.15397211336276806,0.11006692678809374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RunMeMyMoney,2018/02/20,"How do you deal with PTSD? I feel bad saying it.  What happened to me is not as bad as many others in the world.   I was shot at multiple times, and in multiple instances.  When it comes up, I lose control.  Doesn't come up as often as it once did but its still bad.  Will it ever go away?  When it first started, I was a top performer at my firm and a year later fired for performance issues.  Moved and started over.  It doesn't come up as frequently but it still comes up.  When it does, I have no control over myself.  What about others that experience this?",0.7925137362637358,3.1293914107142875,2.3092857142857137,93.85109890109892,85.78571428571428,5.231868131868132,19.32967032967033,6.67199483983844,0.13290302197802273,426,12,92,5,13,138,71,112,0.165,0.8170000000000001,0.019,-0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,7,9,4,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,3,1,17,18,14,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,15,8,0,2,1,0,0,6,4,4,0,1,3,3,9,0,20,14,0,32,0,1,0,0,3,13,0,1,13,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379580391037264,0.0,0.3833718466224361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5273571586338591,0.0,0.0,0.34331787253694424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778814870760885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393535725645034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844276726434432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971257077098235,0.0,0.0,0.07738683514499847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018451509937362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698201795095963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534188325987026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597447594292538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122414760967292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516899166619436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266825768592658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299358462638214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890762157179796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171174912688305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216659593660148,0.0,0.24445234978561925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924486628420389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855938138501276
ptsd,Eighteen_Reindeers,2018/02/20,What should I say in my letter to a school shooting survivor? I am writing a letter to a survivor of a school shooting. I do not know who the individual is that will be receiving it. I just want to be positive and show that I am standing with them. I definitely do not want to say anything that could cause harm. What are some general rules for things to say or not to say?,2.999649122807013,4.45436457894737,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,74.26315789473685,7.698245614035088,28.456140350877188,8.344100000000001,1.896156140350877,292,12,62,5,6,98,47,76,0.046,0.769,0.18600000000000005,0.8299,0,0,0,2,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,11,0,0,1,0,16,14,2,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,10,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,2,0,49,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901939513372983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374262568489285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18453234154878392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701876592187114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7351908846193446,0.0,0.4678161919446379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354737931412973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27264382900118234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,georgethedinosaur,2018/02/20,"Can anniversary symptoms start 3 weeks before the actual anniversary date? I'm coming up on my first anniversary of a bad car accident in which I broke many bones and had 3 surgeries (wrist, collar bone, spine). I still have bad back pain relating to my spine injury and recently had to have another surgery on my same wrist due to complications after the accident. Today I became super anxious for no reason while in class, like I felt like something very bad was about to happen. When I got home I started crying for pretty much no reason and haven't been able to stop. I was standing a lot over the weekend so my back is particularly sore and my wrist is in a cast and very painful from my recent surgery. I realized a year has (almost) passed since the accident and it feels like nothing has really changed with my injuries.
I'm new to anniversaries, how do you deal?     ",5.880545454545455,6.957720327272727,6.13636363636364,77.7845454545455,66.93939393939394,9.636363636363637,30.75757575757576,9.800150414767053,2.938757575757576,694,26,126,15,11,222,106,165,0.248,0.674,0.078,-0.9836,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,7,10,0,0,8,0,14,11,7,3,0,18,23,10,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,8,0,1,5,1,0,3,3,6,0,1,7,2,16,4,20,16,3,30,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,2,22,79,18,1,0.13553524525404434,0.0,0.13226284817377146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571897009631131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212052218459814,0.0,0.1531162485633062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084364750179069,0.3394988054284521,0.0,0.0,0.11533051106868568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337831814659527,0.11675161267557985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887910266675047,0.0,0.13973088652427182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853069237890662,0.0968264062907118,0.1301350902086242,0.0,0.0,0.11528621037487802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839991700994413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985336976613015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595290185822814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864702404434645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522721872875193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741146558967862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996340001469158,0.0,0.0,0.1309007844399266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004972322703426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28843811379122153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788807022358227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868273486880435,0.27870561096875657,0.26764940718909713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121161554567243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434165344953944,0.0,0.0,0.191865088373783,0.0,0.10823862193789344,0.11331353389892493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087301533749266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847156478057456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236615434675032,0.0,0.0,0.1087181983828286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728025424603733
ptsd,kiotejayne,2018/02/21,"I don't know what to do Sorry for formatting, on mobile

Background; my husband passed away 6 years ago (6 years ago Friday actually) and.... I didn't deal well. I already had massive issues from a childhood in a weird cult like religious upbringing and that only made it worse. For the past 6 years I've been alternating doing drugs to work, then when my psychosis got too bad I'd take a few months off to recover then back on drugs so I could work. But Drugs only make my mental health worse and I'm getting steadily worse. I can't bring myself to shower most of the time (at the point it's been two weeks but my worst is a couple months) I've been living in my car, but I'm staying with my parents right now. I tried to get a job but I only lasted two weeks working while sober before I got so angry over a stupid trivial thing that I walked out. I've got like 200 bucks waiting for me to just walk in and get my check but my social anxiety is so bad that I literally can't make myself. My parents can't really afford for me to keep squatting here, my dad is on ssdi and my mom only works part time. 

I don't know what to do. I've tried to apply for Medicaid but I'm in Ohio and can't seem to work out how to do it. I can't go to the doctor and get a proper diagnosis cause I'm flat broke and I'm at my wits end. Am I doomed to just cycle drug abuse until I die? I don't know why I'm posting here. I'm just... so tired and sad and angry. I just want help but it seems like I'm too fucked up to exist but not fucked up enough to get help. 

I guess I just needed to tell someone I'm not ok. ",1.1030163304514886,2.5511203054755067,3.1694149855907803,92.94094284341983,79.37463976945244,5.894678194044189,19.347646493756002,6.588339656340683,-0.05131269932756943,1234,27,290,11,30,419,168,347,0.236,0.7190000000000001,0.045,-0.9974,5,0,4,0,1,0,32.0,0,0,0,5,18,15,3,0,11,1,22,9,0,5,0,45,57,28,1,3,15,5,0,3,0,0,7,0,1,0,10,13,0,2,5,0,2,6,11,10,1,2,9,0,34,5,41,47,5,48,1,3,0,2,10,18,2,4,25,166,44,7,0.0,0.09764632893823268,0.08042352940445094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610890280791106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094516757551198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304597782496077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743004372363553,0.06337076967955009,0.1376233892744573,0.0,0.0,0.07012768041995142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466119969672556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580034418142099,0.09118879072464314,0.0,0.0,0.08496453249162128,0.0,0.0,0.0855320332255717,0.0,0.0,0.08435354336793514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822932292777225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299375569670857,0.08515500839853192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15237960556989505,0.21528783751969285,0.0,0.046837399075363606,0.0,0.19774042446829976,0.0,0.09078758292434658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760152423662047,0.0,0.0,0.11047984622800938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601811298289576,0.08178252115805297,0.07325276128124257,0.0,0.0,0.13587664544345912,0.06717786985075411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207889819395655,0.0,0.07277248714033385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798149287670679,0.1100230858337692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305326065633069,0.0,0.0,0.0965215051547242,0.1315630798906213,0.0,0.0,0.061108445706791185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25071622826966045,0.0,0.0,0.18302051728303412,0.08924561369245815,0.07867285617266642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790724254512034,0.0,0.0789291964406411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279609449472106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038054016360247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500520149692212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840100193083395,0.06982855365792744,0.0,0.0,0.09225498436315203,0.0,0.08784165262786069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196457354263653,0.0,0.07203288973289304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05475175962233121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611176001774063,0.0947220082840917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119064931954116,0.0,0.16101171176557028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486095218774308,0.0,0.13221401693925172,0.0,0.07409948810641966,0.0,0.07436521876997798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999894572025741,0.0,0.2519586958926733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921446250488638
ptsd,agiles52,2018/02/21,"Processing Diagnosed PTSD from childhood abuse. 

My doctor says I can get better but I need to start processing through the trauma. 

Can anyone explain to me ways they did this? Specific examples they are trying to cope and overcome this?

I can talk about the trauma all day but it doesn’t stop flashbacks or the pain. I understand what happened to me. I don’t blame myself for it. I don’t know what else to do. 4 years in therapy has done nothing but make it worse. 

I was wondering what other people have done, if you don’t mind sharing. ",2.5901573426573417,5.154546442307693,3.5280419580419604,86.60786713286717,79.76923076923076,6.858741258741258,24.839160839160837,8.00094639256281,1.6742615384615391,426,16,80,8,11,136,72,104,0.219,0.731,0.05,-0.9648,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,2,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,15,3,0,1,1,15,24,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,9,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,1,14,2,10,20,1,7,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,5,58,23,1,0.0,0.2327347225809065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734682573801849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372435168979258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667962633524393,0.0,0.0,0.19936999629978855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105209000608,0.0,0.4020275020790977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409015111316286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262537401049343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370037996320473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079515353226482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111702527606048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833599724674986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456486619985147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884776905540888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901293830606896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617824526127714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296134876863272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620720327004928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903254792598238,0.0,0.0,0.16422236547560906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578811570411638,0.0,0.0,0.22463221133712008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336152486239902,0.0,0.0,0.2044881790650156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591517747981076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21301747824153705,0.0,0.0,0.20017662322127655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649300854372886
ptsd,toporag27,2018/02/21,"Small Cozy Discord Community for mentally ill friends to connect and support each other We are a little discord family looking to open our arms to more friends we all have mental illness. The majority of our administrators and support staff have PTSD. We support each other every day with memes, compliments, venting and listening, sometimes video chat parties or rabbit movie sessions. Join us! We don't bite.

https://discord.gg/bp4v4JE",7.860142857142857,11.563699585714293,6.852857142857142,63.74214285714285,67.42857142857143,8.571428571428571,40.0,9.23628265651192,4.844000000000001,361,21,44,8,7,110,55,70,0.119,0.631,0.25,0.8906,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,7,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,4,3,1,0,1,13,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,11,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,7,6,6,9,5,4,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,1,1,29,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757411136434432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666740945974312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864820863057891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056622802592013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982622888970483,0.0,0.0,0.166114520149536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987013655024626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312347888628196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956437882289794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.67343330389322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379467178699255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Turkeypig,2018/02/21,"Tips for sleeping Hi everyone!

I was diagnosed with PTSD back in 2014. I've been having it since 2001 without even knowing it.

I've been in therapy since 2016 and I feel better now with all the hard work that I've done.

But the thing is that I can't stay asleep. I don't have any difficulty to go to sleep but I can wake up like 5 times or more per night.

I've tried so many sleeping pills, I can't even name them all. Right now, I take 1 mg of Ativan. 10 mg of melatonin and my doctor prescribed me 25 mg of seroquel. I want to gradually stop taking Ativan. Even with that mix of pills, I can't stay asleep! 

Do you have any tips for me? I'm getting desperate and discouraged. I am physically tired too. 

I really want to sleep and I'm ready to try everything that can be helpful. 

Thanks 

",0.43901435406698397,2.672348690909093,2.314417862838916,93.93688995215312,86.33333333333334,5.8979266347687425,19.59330143540669,7.273561745256523,0.3900909090909089,614,18,140,10,19,203,99,165,0.087,0.785,0.128,0.6859999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,2,8,4,0,0,2,0,17,12,7,0,2,20,28,8,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,7,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,4,2,16,3,18,23,3,13,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,7,78,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846187877450628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437742163947196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200530009472205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777553993906888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389379584218577,0.0,0.13891146410519736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26896945416315715,0.0,0.0,0.12970754972936566,0.121996393579356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863536694394355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091973004044047,0.0,0.07714545643846045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159840545593086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098517779346334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460039796542392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631681326191997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376213494372277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738491871256616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586754417936959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695996977564292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592315121021393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224574805915284,0.0,0.5433611791213346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28936638327765185,0.0,0.11348661028939955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412257739886616,0.0,0.0,0.1249732385362874,0.15523310818615674,0.0,0.09018112812108194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915240536458859,0.15601576321703892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432017290491434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160128607758761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085069788690282,0.0,0.09882198439490916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Ice_Archer,2018/02/21,"Can I say i suffer from PTSD? And provide input. Can I provide first hand view on PTSD with the diagnoses of G.A.D with symptoms of PTSD, and where does the line sit?",2.624545454545455,4.672492666666667,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,76.87878787878788,5.612121212121212,23.12121212121212,6.42735559955562,0.4472303030303033,130,4,27,1,3,40,23,33,0.11,0.799,0.091,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,6,2,0,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496424888829225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152397587131213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092119974303826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8625362433308694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19559590575072427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556448410175175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hooray_this_sucks,2018/02/21,"EMDR I have read a bit about this here and also googled but I just wanted to know how a session starts, goes and ends, how long does it go for and how often do you go and how long is the treatment program usually?

So I walk into a session, sit down then...? ",1.0655555555555551,2.8013144444444467,2.8257037037037063,94.03966666666668,80.48148148148148,5.060740740740742,21.91111111111111,5.6839178017228535,0.06576000000000004,196,6,44,1,5,65,41,54,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,4,0,14,8,12,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,8,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,33,6,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392682081128462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266462815439408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618298310817371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26500026205231164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34008177577249205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443117316736605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5295609116193564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992785614785499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21177359724981176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295238798701683,0.0,0.17647449309609353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,punkwok,2018/02/21,"Anger about time lost to pain? I am now in a good place with supportive, loving people, moving toward doing things I am passionate about. Lately, I've been feeling so much regret, anger and hurt about wasting so many years to a series of traumatic events and abusive relationships-- and poor decisions made out of low self esteem, believing I didn't deserve better or to live a happy life. How do I make peace with the past?",8.65626582278481,7.932365227848103,8.244145569620255,71.13305379746839,61.278481012658226,10.937974683544304,32.40822784810126,10.125756701596842,3.1378329113924046,339,10,58,6,4,108,62,79,0.34700000000000003,0.462,0.191,-0.9532,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,2,0,4,0,6,4,0,3,0,13,12,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,7,0,0,4,1,4,6,13,8,1,12,0,4,0,2,3,5,0,1,6,37,5,0,0.0,0.24373761386928186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317693875806408,0.0,0.18193743710562169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401524874896603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725432581798836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21898652420911285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022123847401368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320545069548727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530197874165976,0.0,0.0,0.1816493519396717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245612813748333,0.0,0.18566504037206366,0.1946516905080582,0.13731578392783894,0.2085618469348733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186415719813308,0.15122356055935285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21889434582679726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19637742092625546,0.14261628085749412,0.0,0.2149274892741424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208599969062948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460470960832145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334419649873941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366673318966561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995356766724725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247315970601342
ptsd,School_nerd,2018/02/21,"Can't even appreciate my birthday My birthday was yesterday. I couldn't be happy, I don't know why. I feel like the biggest asshole. My boyfriend gave me a gift today and what did I say? ""Oh I have a lot of these and the quality of these are not great"" 

What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't appreciate anything. I feel like anything that is given to me or done for me is a waste. And I'm sitting here watching it happen like an out of body experience. I'm so exhausted just trying to survive everyday. 

I have to go to work I have to make money I have to be a productive member of society.all of this pressure is just adding to my bullshit existence

I feel like I'm wearing a cloak of PTSD and negativity around and I can't shake it.

I'm going to therapy I'm trying to do anything to change but nothing is helping. I'm getting closer to giving up. I don't think I'd ever kill myself but I would put myself into a situation to be killed. 

Thanks for listening",0.5404666666666671,2.8745591799999985,3.294999999999998,86.28166666666668,87.2,6.133333333333334,23.833333333333336,7.492282038375204,1.348933333333333,756,31,155,14,24,265,107,200,0.188,0.726,0.086,-0.9655,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,14,3,2,10,0,24,4,2,1,1,25,46,9,2,2,6,0,3,4,0,1,1,2,0,0,8,9,0,0,5,0,1,4,8,7,0,0,5,6,24,7,25,36,1,15,0,0,1,1,5,6,1,2,8,108,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34897909378118835,0.125839428097269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570179173214233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953901696800245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465927630580647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933662479149176,0.12786725587043912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827616979976934,0.0,0.0,0.21442598510606725,0.30296056894292595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068406392797394,0.07385421275010114,0.13560437780473567,0.16067508856169727,0.0,0.0,0.15584873244876454,0.0,0.0,0.12500324544750707,0.15047922217577556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474991901453217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127854502113246,0.0,0.07768717759414656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762433547201443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017831733133448,0.0,0.0,0.0943581913660886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356377171926905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524103842140234,0.14210478017760125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241430430475118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158893373365482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014432149791053,0.16165626957833076,0.0,0.0,0.09057710212417544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399174822224938,0.0,0.0,0.19194688496547505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275544580576547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291099325571354,0.0,0.0,0.10041733651581164,0.15455381203260188,0.0,0.0
ptsd,caviabella,2018/02/21,"Finally Started Seeing A Therapist! :) Also, Has Anyone Else Tried EMDR? I went today and the woman seems really nice. We talked a lot about the child abuse and a little about all the other bad stuff that's happened to me. I guess being abused is the worst thing that happened to me, that's why I have PTSD after all. But I've also had many many years of a lot of little things adding up. She wants to do EMDR on me the day after tomorrow! She's had a lot of success with it. Has anyone else tried it? Did it work? If not, why do you think it didn't work? Am I going to suddenly remember something and have a nervous breakdown? Am I going to suddenly blab some deep dark secret? Will EMDR help with my anxiety too? In my head I'm imagining it to be this rapid fire hypnosis thing where you just start yelling out bad things super fast. What's it actually like? 

Sorry for the million questions! 

I'm happy I'm finally back in therapy. I'm really nervous for some reason. But I'm also hopeful. ",1.390254545454546,3.7584170800000014,3.5314545454545474,85.9357272727273,83.2,6.436363636363637,21.090909090909093,7.686295010490155,1.08705,776,24,151,14,22,264,116,200,0.138,0.742,0.119,-0.4841,0,0,1,0,3,0,25.0,1,2,0,4,9,11,0,2,12,0,16,1,1,1,2,29,34,9,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,17,7,0,0,7,0,0,3,2,5,0,1,5,3,15,6,22,26,8,26,0,0,1,0,11,9,0,10,15,105,32,3,0.0,0.2521462145793601,0.10383641004707693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25527729814725625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139990937638752,0.0,0.0,0.14880238672720314,0.21804999991347968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181925456607056,0.17768828086249291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862273899343815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777762681653827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312402867963114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094538531055507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172176446063025,0.0,0.18818804857746552,0.11327062377994775,0.0,0.0,0.10920273175897806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132135769109066,0.0,0.0,0.1056846615217934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198434815749148,0.21329251143075287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713864300755834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575693375956148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438232485130195,0.0,0.11919850196942915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633216441591964,0.1094025665655968,0.0,0.0,0.1205366788011101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479139996791399,0.09686756270281192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191614547980768,0.0,0.11911223563745715,0.15062870840286016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218088299133339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855247031037664,0.0,0.0,0.121683952297998,0.12354497626264507,0.2827643205934074,0.06818034217242926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085996380796797,0.0,0.0,0.14448468750895296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276071546765412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863895619529668,0.1920288106384115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492892947402812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685216475680121
ptsd,Ditred01,2018/02/22,"Any war vets with ptsd lose your faith, or desire for church after you got back home? I’m an OEF vet. 
I used to be big into church. 
Now I can’t stand it. I hate the noise. I hate people being all around me. I hate feeling like I gotta act happy and shake peoples hands. 
The more preachers talk about peace and happiness the more pissed off I get. 
All I can think about is the realities of life. How fucked up everything really is. 

Anyone relate?",-0.021648351648352104,2.3287982637362674,1.533406593406596,96.53659340659344,93.83516483516485,4.558241758241759,13.593406593406591,6.297961479604792,-0.7298747252747253,346,6,76,4,13,111,71,91,0.251,0.57,0.17800000000000002,-0.8848,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,6,12,6,1,5,0,6,4,2,2,2,13,17,4,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,1,2,11,4,11,13,4,11,3,1,0,1,3,5,2,1,4,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972716306376875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338775685277088,0.0,0.0,0.16982184624006527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466869863309633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714478383956788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645682921256947,0.13628299686819914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635974150525316,0.09966716276026157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257269288735742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40614709899835866,0.0,0.5650246655330443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135347068999736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474339884104727,0.09319844586758386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21341793254768374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645057222100792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22299480094313226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222093408465349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333017908408428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222349063594976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647602457804661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PKMNTrainerJeff6,2018/02/22,"So, anyone have anything they'd like to vent about? CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: Detailed story of child abuse, near-death experiences, guns, animal death

I have PTSD from childhood abuse from my step-father (who I was raised to believe was my biological father) and from my mother who neglected me a lot throughout my life until I moved out.

I haven't lived with my mom and step-dad since 2011 and I still have vivid nightmares and flashbacks from my childhood.

One thing that I'd like to share with you all is a certain situation my step-dad put my family in. It was 2012, I was living with my grandparents, but went to Chuck E. Cheese with my mom, step-dad, and brother because my mom wanted me to go with them.
Everything was going okay until we left and got inside my step-dad's truck.

My step-dad has a permit to open carry a pistol, which I still have no idea how he was able to even get that gun, but then again, 'murrica. He caries that damn thing with him everywhere.

Anyways, we were all sitting in the truck, step-dad in driver's seat, mom in passenger seat, and my brother and me in the backseat. Out of the blue, my step-dad locks the doors of the vehicle and takes out his pistol. As soon as I saw him do this, I just thought to myself, ""great, we're all going to die now."" He pointed the barrel at our heads, smiling and waving his gun around like it was a toy. He almost never keeps the safety on.

""I could kill all of you right now, just put a bullet in all of your heads,"" he said, laughing, still waving the gun around.

""(S-D's name), please stop, you're scaring us!"" My mom cried.

He pointed the gun at her and told her, ""shut the fuck up!""

Then my mom said, ""this is why OP doesn't want to be around us anymore!""

My step-dad groaned and put away his pistol, claiming that my mom always has to ""ruin the fun"" and then drove me back to my grandparents' house.

About a year after he had gotten the gun (back in 2009), I was sitting in the living room watching War of the Worlds. Suddenly, he just pulled his pistol out in the living room, stood up, pointed the gun at me, and pulled the trigger. I screamed so loud and tried to cover myself up. I remember the feeling of the adrenaline rushing through my veins and feeling so helpless. Then, I heard him laugh at me and said, ""OP, stop being fucking ridiculous, the magazine's not even in!""

Well, he ended up accidentally killing his dog back in 2012. He took his sleeping pills before cleaning out his gun. The magazine was out, but there was a bullet stuck in the chamber. He accidentally pulled the trigger. It went straight through his arm chair and hit his dog in the head. She yelped slightly and tried to walk away before she slumped down and passed on. Luckily, I didn't have to witness that situation first hand (my mother had told me when I asked where the dog was when I was visiting her once).

That's not the only abusive thing that he's done, but it's been replaying in my mind ever since the school shooting in Florida.

The only ones I've told these stories to are my boyfriend, a couple trusted friends, and two therapists.

It terrifies me whenever people ask me how I feel about gun control. I feel like they will think I'm being ridiculous when I tell them I support stricter gun regulations, but honestly, if an abusive man with mental illness can LEGALLY get a firearm and threaten to shoot his family, pretend to shoot his own kid, and accidentally kill his dog with it, there should obviously be some sort of stricter regulations.

I haven't reported him. I've always been afraid to. My mom would always tell me as a child to not tell ANYONE that he abused me because she didn't want her kids taken away from her. That's still engraved in my brain, even to this day. Even the thought of reporting him gives me waves of anxiety.

He still has that gun and he still is legally allowed to open-carry. It's terrifying.",5.2045422279583775,5.870460458498022,5.375921593934017,84.1089045736872,68.26218708827405,8.198553413460246,29.455540318894357,8.159919018807972,1.8626540883547096,3044,106,611,38,49,960,320,759,0.195,0.713,0.092,-0.9983,3,0,0,19,3,0,129.0,5,3,4,2,40,31,9,2,41,1,46,13,8,7,9,97,88,47,6,7,12,13,5,4,1,3,3,6,4,5,27,44,0,5,9,2,0,18,10,15,1,4,39,15,99,16,95,39,8,105,0,3,4,2,89,51,3,5,38,392,126,6,0.052294015460547835,0.3097992857003001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05236490262885588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305384301482336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040004778692304434,0.0,0.051861611515733146,0.07313038301287407,0.0,0.043033518985145236,0.13965828220498408,0.0977756905648522,0.0,0.14739584681672385,0.12063260991668068,0.0,0.06375589289849362,0.0,0.08899671104138525,0.05891744780777776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058377415923245475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058652184989394174,0.041752516142481565,0.05786233345902559,0.05744252044561982,0.03372531379609375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427293188776797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053514933910509765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463169760119234,0.0,0.0,0.13815881606034364,0.04730293087295175,0.0,0.0,0.046998489158358144,0.051153581555253916,0.09859628745602587,0.0,0.105765701904838,0.03735885509385373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448126283633182,0.0,0.0,0.04040222662390519,0.09668994927747536,0.05464292944448732,0.05016518471207742,0.08915968230686562,0.0,0.04182430131302668,0.057654336659346224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16100624005904313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034027271255798,0.0,0.0590335782055197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648132370620648,0.17356674031234806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056817600808109416,0.0,0.03693680963755388,0.1021928579250928,0.0,0.1847062948897605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044458501892868166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270006790053069,0.0,0.05280204826706908,0.4899689510386642,0.0,0.0555802625199521,0.0,0.0,0.040332368546967465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055691419773448006,0.0708715565116495,0.07954391043266595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036254085889739114,0.0,0.0,0.05740312537756635,0.14830424258934854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061128905634310914,0.1577097877255163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059238925407729875,0.044658803473661766,0.1492307517360773,0.0,0.05235543224076522,0.05292433549031576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651629996082033,0.11756132882202748,0.052331781573107285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505724097863626,0.08744027699205233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059342629032509475,0.0,0.0,0.03931859155580858,0.0,0.13712182339365664,0.0,0.0,0.06071738251058555,0.10422546063700328,0.033507893567321666,0.0,0.08303121395492905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990751835005933,0.058100575323033664,0.07100840765676711,0.0,0.05108365448731747,0.0,0.12580652361348424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925330956295574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701860015781598,0.0969541524864994,0.04718721513936047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03714816819457142,0.0,0.0,0.033675631429948116
ptsd,azngirl7689,2018/02/22,I had an anxiety attack over a clogged garbage disposal last night. I feel like a fuck up. The garbage disposal clogged last night and I guess I had some kind of memory resurface since I had a fucking meltdown. About a garbage disposal. I’m feeling frustrated and mad at myself. When do I get to be normal? ,2.1830992736077484,4.905854186440678,3.297142857142859,86.43593220338984,83.40677966101694,7.439225181598062,32.157384987893465,8.418075326091056,3.0301893462469733,243,14,46,6,7,78,40,59,0.249,0.684,0.067,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,5,0,6,0,5,2,0,0,0,7,12,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,7,2,6,8,1,8,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,6,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183050373055024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27221826203150695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419767315677133,0.17094338689977595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424254267732751,0.1250151725193381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635965290157812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491757869419591,0.0,0.3900941681438673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690128890992835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491006263033545,0.23444593728949745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979368653052316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WonderPutty,2018/02/22,Unable to speak after having flashback I'm quite sure I have ptsd and my mom who is a therapist says so too. But whenever I have a flashback I'm unable to speak for about 10-40 minutes at a time. My brain just simply won't let me or I can only get certain syllables out.,1.6670689655172417,3.241814327586209,3.9891724137931033,87.12306896551725,78.13793103448276,6.708965517241379,23.66896551724138,7.554174236665415,1.0936579310344825,213,7,45,3,5,74,45,58,0.0,0.907,0.093,0.5709,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,3,0,7,1,1,0,2,7,10,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,7,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491697941872941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634164524600436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198422879376064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663282176134551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23788592211022305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656271361392632,0.0,0.0,0.33268371968258553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487379681021797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947947171149548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631657143352659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823865556310577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,calantus,2018/02/22,"Sometimes I wonder if PTSD can be passed down through children My dad is a Vietnam veteran, he was in the 173rd airborne 67-69 (he was in the battle of Dak To and more). He had some abusive episodes (alcohol driven) with my mother growing up, but only until the age of 6-7. My most significant incident is my mother running him over while I was looking down at my dad as the tires went over him. 

 He's been diagnosed with PTSD, bipolar, schizophrenia. I hold no grudges against him. We are on good terms at this point in our lives.

To this day I have night terrors, from seeing strangers in the shadows of my room (from which I try to get aggressive with) or animals/bugs. Most of the time I never realize I'm having until I wake up (my ex gf used to wake me up, I don't notice them as often because I have no one to wake me up during these episodes).  

My dads violent and aggressive episodes might contribute to these sleep issues, but I'm not sure. I guess I just made this post here because I have no where else to tell this to. My dad is the only family I have alive, and he can't really help much. I just always wondered how much PTSD could pass on psychologically to the children.  I'm only 27 and I'm only now learning to cope with my young childhood.",4.739135375494072,5.1270116166007895,5.5950568181818205,83.11258522727275,69.19762845849803,8.538438735177866,30.43700592885376,8.472884824447931,2.1255693675889336,981,37,202,14,16,322,146,253,0.127,0.83,0.044,-0.9651,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,2,0,1,1,7,7,4,1,9,0,20,8,4,3,2,33,34,14,0,2,7,7,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,7,9,1,1,4,0,0,6,7,5,0,1,8,2,32,2,42,23,7,38,0,0,2,0,23,19,0,10,12,138,39,1,0.0,0.1562598101504164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094283759609436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973723554691753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607893268341265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529785811123396,0.0,0.0,0.08505363592314642,0.0,0.0,0.13385848671834588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017133832096064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432757167748018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890343340977173,0.0,0.0,0.11061721799074707,0.0,0.0,0.14528401247677614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839840670280708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765160605993426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164551207236404,0.0,0.11074851917248486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247909000231668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990704034185045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389838513761354,0.0,0.1017163134805068,0.0,0.0,0.12376327798929072,0.0,0.0,0.15014968961876812,0.0,0.0,0.08936734586509194,0.4012119109549668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12467207996261293,0.0,0.1263074749993026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624925700293935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448763811332972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509369005184203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319782619085439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043567661725095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242981832887927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527157033591875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690204812049105,0.15158012792166553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953991190173244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390458310747015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222568785672659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286043013604656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thethuthinnang3,2018/02/23,"Computer Monitor Mirror to see behind you Hey guys, I don't have PTSD but my best friend and roommate does, and she said some people here might appreciate knowing about this?


My friend mentioned she had a hard time with people surprising her at work by coming up behind her at her desk. I did a little googling, and found that they make tiny convex mirrors that clip onto your monitor, for about five bucks. Because they are convex, you can see a ton behind you,  but they're small enough that you shouldn't have to worry about your face being displayed to the whole office. 





",9.3875,7.818781268518523,8.021037037037036,76.02766666666669,60.38888888888889,10.491851851851854,32.71111111111111,8.841846274778883,2.5604088888888903,459,12,83,5,5,139,76,108,0.014,0.7859999999999999,0.2,0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,2,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,10,1,1,1,0,13,17,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,4,17,4,16,10,5,8,0,0,2,0,19,6,0,2,1,63,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294359622749323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282992958644865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829057055870732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581366059776025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193963021760912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23281170052393985,0.32809522968745786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024262458443724,0.0,0.0,0.19020827400547646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669242605543445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281301428124133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173363751525267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252512993523108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944093341148893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482054085945523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197689524662035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384031308226493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381282757228708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370617286461265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458063792098034,0.21563402904202136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,md2290,2018/02/23,"Questions about PTSD - Desperate I’m going to try to keep this short and sweet. This is also my very first post, so bear with me, I am pretty desperate at this point: 

I was diagnosed with PTSD last year. I also have been diagnosed with OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, and MDD (15 years ago). I have been in the hospital three times due to medicine sensitivities, went through a partial program, and I go to therapy and see my psychiatrist regularly. 

I seem to have the OCD, MDD, PD, and GAD under control, but in the last month the PTSD has been rampant. I have flashbacks more frequently, I’m irritable, I cry for no reason, and the worst: the nightmares. They generally have nothing to do with the trauma I experienced, but they are vivid and horrific. 

Please, someone, does this ever end? My brain feels like it’s going to explode. My psychiatrist tells me to just take more Klonopin, AKA be a zombie. I sleep all day and stay up all night. I’m so unfamiliar with PTSD, and I can’t find any great resources, nor do I know anyone who also has PTSD. When will this stop? Why is it so bad now all of the sudden? Any suggestions are welcome! Please and thank you!! ",3.5454727316027643,5.5739821040724005,4.5372660157180285,83.24976184805908,74.1131221719457,7.910550130983567,26.563705644201,8.6894789155246,1.9635556561085967,899,33,177,18,19,292,134,221,0.17800000000000002,0.7190000000000001,0.103,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,2,2,11,9,0,1,10,0,21,4,2,2,4,32,35,20,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,15,0,3,6,0,0,4,3,4,0,2,5,5,21,5,22,28,6,31,0,0,2,0,8,7,0,2,19,114,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918143234434608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24849028415590185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408711522353875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724231015238762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648205642090531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562563591021988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616985917703375,0.0,0.0,0.11377392866349655,0.06679827793460613,0.0,0.0,0.2102559473835383,0.0,0.0,0.11870764974154985,0.0,0.09064049870944732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917380415032134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369087987370696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237139374375792,0.07399507684245656,0.0,0.0,0.09466705037064653,0.08810212340167188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659474646563605,0.0,0.0,0.11419346392419415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206355790988073,0.0,0.0,0.0569229391383476,0.16885735371865074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050602249158336415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267377920273684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719953475824,0.0,0.09938445133068737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152471341390007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22739180109451454,0.09791327740007544,0.0,0.09919766190648714,0.10537454339902268,0.0,0.0,0.6053769659619832,0.0,0.11602939172544527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649389918561512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825370654771251,0.09429216133283526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365130807881193,0.0,0.08776003772428395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103987744920064,0.0,0.08659459716977602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778766425309396,0.0,0.09053043188200427,0.09535933111805163,0.11844876180999225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039629380141592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032164888114295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546146516008776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601645908862527,0.09346168669909126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339974841933588
ptsd,leozodiac96,2018/02/23,"PTSD from a BAD mental hospital experience? Hello! Celebrated my 22nd birthday 2 weeks ago or so. I come from a relatively poor eastern European country and I've had some bad childhood experiences. At 19 I moved to the capital city and enrolled in a university. I was very motivated and dedicated - got excellent grades and survived off of 2 scholarships. A year later I just burned out and let my hands down. Started antidepressant therapy but it didn't really help much. From that point onwards I started attempting suicide by overdose and I was hospitalized in a mental institution for a couple of weeks. That was a total nightmare - physical and verbal abuse from the staff, dismissive doctors, dirty surroundings and very bad food. Only treatment I got was drugs. After I got out, I tried to brush it all off and with the help of friends and family, I moved to the UK for a fresh start. Everything was going well but for the past month or so I've noticed some new symptoms developing. (1) Recurrent nightmares (2) Waking up at random times during the night disoriented, sweaty and with heart palpitations (3) Bouts of anxiety at random times during the day(like a mild panic attack). The recurrent nightmare being trapped and reliving the experience of that asylum. What could it be and how can I proceed? Perhaps the staff at that asylum was right and I'm just a soft faggot who needs to toughen up? ",5.075046583850933,7.748104472222228,6.055265700483093,71.16413043478263,71.73809523809524,9.303243616287096,31.98826777087647,9.761364909221204,3.755343133195308,1125,53,178,31,23,371,151,252,0.198,0.723,0.079,-0.9907,2,1,1,0,1,1,32.0,0,0,0,4,6,8,1,1,20,0,13,7,3,2,2,35,23,21,1,2,6,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,9,19,1,0,1,0,2,4,1,5,1,0,11,3,13,3,33,8,5,37,0,0,0,0,5,16,0,6,17,117,22,7,0.0,0.13720856390900654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265307946843197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858958827908298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317435378739691,0.0,0.0,0.29007400187952576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975471775800124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245990943051358,0.12813469954248624,0.0,0.07468386931368169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853009398306998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429564007089614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407698630960867,0.3398350055003938,0.10916951420675762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400304118610262,0.0,0.08946972684687007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581396693805892,0.0,0.2778566277203852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722805785968928,0.1552416891312105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184172291056367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23340598149519706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243348649930704,0.2461622203165985,0.08512911587246197,0.08586704865724235,0.0,0.11184402944728733,0.0,0.1086740193862733,0.0,0.0,0.13184339123503885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807400647730229,0.0,0.13587080529039167,0.0,0.0,0.11054782838686772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947201993111703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536844244900811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418687813862627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889581050298964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458995721736693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667055897761184,0.0,0.0,0.1203644863027188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243173508222916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350522514281421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862317708404648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110052213082973,0.0,0.0,0.1857816426908484,0.0,0.10412152161814156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457384894847921
ptsd,willowrainbow,2018/02/23,"Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) for anxiety, depression, ptsd I'm in my second round of a DBT IOP group, 4 months total now. We meet 4xs a week and the session are 2.5 hours long.

I'm learning so many skills and new ways of thinking to help cope with my depression, social anxiety and ptsd. I love my therapist and the group gets along great. The hardest thing is putting what I learn to use. It's been a great experience overall and I would recommend DBT for almost anyone.

Having learned dbt this long I'm curious about the experiences of others. Anyone else here gotten help from DBT?",4.148108108108108,6.5362849369369425,4.897558558558562,79.71985135135138,73.50450450450452,8.764324324324324,28.21711711711712,9.3871,2.788847927927929,472,19,85,12,10,152,77,111,0.08800000000000001,0.727,0.185,0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,7,0,5,1,0,1,1,16,13,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,7,3,12,10,1,10,0,2,1,1,8,1,0,1,7,46,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548150683415808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365455576661785,0.0,0.0,0.21620751067233385,0.15841159782545836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266322968839608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915305070717634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024676768912496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077498889180418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409062032777129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20725760578600716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225526752229576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736419919882835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953749347106398,0.0,0.0,0.15674570342735794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234046293461005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931894837289636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614510952306017,0.15542122260726826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760083000068814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17680485504142465,0.17950889338077974,0.10271301960790036,0.09906495710255964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13352950614978604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271864390679492,0.12401520068025185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982730625069374,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,shoppartypop,2018/02/24,"Some of the best days and the worst reactions to them. Just wanted to share the bitter sweet stage of my life and the PTSD that is causing it. 

I am currently going through some of the best days I have had in awhile. I am a trainee teacher and I am completing my last work experience. After lots of existentialistic worry I know that I really do what to teach and this feels great. 

On the other side, I am in a situation where my senses are being constantly barraged. Light and sound are painful, with the right circumstances triggering the ""sucking in"" feeling of a flash back and making me disorientated. The worst one happened today when I went to see a friend's stage play and going into the hall, bright lights and people crowing together, leaving me with a feeling of being lost and panic. 

All I can say is at least I have got some cool sun glasses to wear.",7.261757575757578,6.95999941818182,7.364848484848487,74.91393939393944,63.90909090909091,10.242424242424242,32.878787878787875,9.725611199111238,2.9474242424242414,684,24,128,12,9,221,104,165,0.123,0.722,0.155,0.5994,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,4,16,2,1,15,1,15,3,1,3,1,27,29,10,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,6,12,0,0,4,1,0,3,0,7,0,1,4,12,16,9,21,23,10,24,0,1,2,0,4,10,1,5,9,97,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022431410632887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35545735757998176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397526837176486,0.0,0.0,0.17756654908736835,0.1830136765589978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21844122547711176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656626697387066,0.0,0.0,0.2568944540875075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084402934083392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249784088015928,0.0,0.13544946814697575,0.18671559336827095,0.0,0.0,0.14976095589589716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307363129415244,0.13804774770254602,0.0,0.17932355619577628,0.0,0.0,0.11962115476856737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487208520488654,0.14398041920486832,0.0,0.0,0.11304644839423438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476001194144725,0.0,0.18020672978353766,0.1987027820528175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174101299425766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19796810697696493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849379339772584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462910290634698,0.0,0.1346786926113969,0.0,0.0,0.1349548093721687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903632453345461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052969044194232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998905595992432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699471332049353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329318864480128,0.17198924379201375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,iampickering,2018/02/24,"I am definitely a member of this sub I used to just crush it. I planned stuff out and got things done. Even married with a little girl and working full time I managed to go back to college and finish my degree. then I started a business. I ran the whole house.

Last year I told my now ex-wife I wanted a divorce. She made it as miserable as she could, and then right at the end - literally the day I picked up keys to an apartment - i got a call from the hospital about what would within about a week be diagnosed as cancer in my 4 year old son.

I did my best to keep going, but I just completely broke all the way down. Now I feel trapped in my own life. I can't remember to do stuff that is important to me, I can't motivate myself to do things like exercise, and I just feel like I barely make it through the week now. 

I think one of the things that hurt the most is that even though things felt so bad during the chemo and everything, once they cleared my son for treatment all of my anxiety, panic attacks, and other fun stuff that comes along with it just cranked up way more intense than it was during the actual treatment. So now that everything has been ""done"" for a few months, I am still struggling to just get through the day.

Things felt like they were improving until we had a management change at work. This new manager from corporate here until we find someone new had an hour and a half talk with me about my attendance and behavior. I was accused of bullying people (which made me incredibly uncomfortable at work after that) and also told that I was missing too much work. This manager, whos wife is suffering from Leukemia, literally told me ""my wife is sick at home and I have to be here, so you have to be here too. Sometimes you don't get a choice."" I guess he doesn't realize that him leaving his wife at home IS ALSO A CHOICE.

So now, after leaving this bad marriage and starting a new life, I just feel like the biggest loser on earth. I finally have my life to live, and I can't even get the laundry done. I feel like I can't be a good dad, a good friend, a good anything.

I guess, like so many other people here, I just feel so worthless. I feel like pretty much all of the things that I like about myself are gone. I feel like I am doing my best, but it looks like I am not even trying - and the results in my life make me ask myself if I am even trying.

I want nothing more than to just have myself back again. I feel the desire every day to just be that person again. But every time I try to push myself to do anything it feels like it just makes everything worse. It is like my brain just wants me to give up and stop trying.

I have been lucky enough to have a good counselor with me through this. If you don't, find one. It helps so much and may be the only way I have gotten this far.

I think it is just so scary because there is nothing that feels like this isn't just how life is from now on. I feel like I fight every day just to be able to be this crappy shadow of the guy I used to be. I feel like there is nothing to look forward to, and all I have is just trying to fail at everything in the least humiliating way that I can.",4.699840482098548,4.6274138771121365,5.348264208909374,86.44898971995748,69.21505376344086,8.581684981684983,27.59860569537989,8.222332236545338,1.5193947063689,2458,71,544,31,39,796,255,651,0.165,0.7040000000000001,0.131,-0.9873,0,1,0,0,2,0,65.0,2,3,2,10,56,38,2,3,37,0,63,10,1,11,5,96,114,41,0,8,21,6,14,15,1,2,9,0,2,3,44,26,0,2,21,1,0,8,9,14,0,3,24,16,84,24,75,78,18,76,0,8,2,0,34,25,0,7,56,400,128,11,0.04979268636705416,0.0,0.04859047921288492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963838659626223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038091268782220564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195027653650216,0.0,0.04654944023461703,0.056646369048120815,0.0,0.07657500459432165,0.08314962654918241,0.03035315945035033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450870475519627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558510541570836,0.05084389993684287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052674059901744216,0.042891990359455685,0.05220668431035435,0.0,0.0,0.039755408396327616,0.0,0.0,0.12844865384233306,0.0,0.0,0.05053852853474604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286561741486096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410154086889682,0.05144915544122974,0.0,0.16443799869714926,0.0,0.12585745741558996,0.0,0.17900182342302812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302120139960109,0.3201471458070539,0.095617574896637,0.05454545406782621,0.09101922653783144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038469705971087065,0.0,0.07804387052833296,0.04776568192202165,0.056596662270608986,0.16705497170672562,0.07964751987239695,0.0,0.10970451542081623,0.04930258789838248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03337498808705423,0.0,0.09989224854729288,0.0,0.049035766098683285,0.0574540747735389,0.053304100592766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04425802747877973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04058768513047007,0.0,0.1054465307327298,0.0,0.0,0.17585023462864866,0.3648928714980747,0.049905352747852315,0.043967854306411834,0.0,0.08362663187962655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423008755459192,0.0997110143896646,0.05048196870503655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039744047208244974,0.0,0.10981006109912288,0.0,0.0,0.14427026031350618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333227645609808,0.0,0.0522490483108189,0.053027585923427635,0.06748162585433536,0.03786958172652525,0.0,0.05842098901813113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903995848603021,0.04347705314226621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065706282917059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640540714976696,0.04252268209484813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042189181575430335,0.0,0.04924624001271021,0.0,0.07048703938430237,0.0,0.039764503652564516,0.0416289153717628,0.0,0.052054126942123344,0.17100213928330926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04002147518840095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984802898479001,0.063810285766906,0.04892106154435346,0.0,0.058069031685612,0.0,0.0,0.1427371369272495,0.0,0.16902982782727632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600978786989782,0.0,0.0,0.08810704950992325,0.1580924671175663,0.07988137911021817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559175612947191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499867481299153,0.0,0.05074300131623327,0.0353712957731912,0.0,0.0,0.06412971500606779
ptsd,Sakatsu,2018/02/24,"Weighted Blanket helps me Hey folks! I'm laying under my weighted blanket after a hard PTSD day. It's thirty pounds and I keep it pulled up to my neck. I wear it on my lap when I'm at my desk. It helps Ground me when I'm not present and having bad days. I feel much better when I have external stimuli like this and use fidget toys / coins / putty. 

The best thing about the blanket is that there's weighted beads into it that doesn't make the blanket hot on me so I can keep this on me during a hot summer and not burn up. 

Anyways, just want to share something that works for me. They're a bit expensive but my quality of life improved.     

External stimuli / tactile stimuli is what helps me a ton!


Edit: You know them head massager things? Like this: https://www.amazon.com/Hand-Held-Scalp-Head-Massager/dp/B003NTKMLW 

I used one before and that felt good but never tried it during a PTSD moment. Might be something to try out. Just thought of it just now.






",2.9043333333333337,5.672426322222222,3.063333333333337,89.13000000000002,80.22222222222223,4.711111111111111,21.777777777777786,5.985473137389443,0.2267444444444444,758,23,143,5,20,231,110,180,0.019,0.826,0.155,0.9699,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,1,3,11,7,0,0,8,0,8,7,3,3,1,26,21,11,0,1,7,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,17,7,3,2,4,1,2,1,4,1,0,1,2,8,19,6,17,17,4,22,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,13,93,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131373231913556,0.0,0.0,0.11530101222125175,0.0,0.1421994974229366,0.11983925035273925,0.14793153738874482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747733269091572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685131638305607,0.0,0.13010180469608906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365145647122828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138190331729955,0.0,0.2781253709344055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27246954463319784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408782801070961,0.0,0.0,0.07446757430181009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570806582848213,0.13239747652097467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044768833342258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374470081827814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996085160998728,0.0,0.10450639949117703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181869877965372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31678585031466444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086299305897642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004112691437066,0.0,0.0,0.10757232377397337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18399199663091487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340579885130524,0.0,0.0,0.07992175190303744,0.0,0.0,0.4950096016636071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864603495803073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,needtogethelp,2018/02/24,"PTSD from psychiatric care - how to get help? (terrified) I have PTSD from being in psychiatric facilities as a child and the horrible treatments there.  


It has only worsened since a further traumatic incident 2 years ago. In the time since I've barely left my flat, I have isolated myself. I'm used to isolating myself for weeks or months at a time from the other PTSD going back 13-14 years, now it has gotten worse.    


If I get help, I'm at great risk of giving myself 'triple' PTSD (yes I know that's not a term). In my new country of residence 2 years ago a therapist decided after 5 min conversation that I was suicidal, after I said no to her question (I was depressed - not suicidal, big difference). I can get locked up by mere assumptions. I want to do EMDR or something, but only if I'm guaranteed that I'm safe, which I can't be whenever I'm in contact with the psychiatric system.    What to do?    I recently found out CBD is legal where I live (had no idea) so I've ordered some and hope it will help with flashbacks, but I would also like to be able to live my life outside of my flat and not be stuck in this loop. ",3.947410714285713,5.027737491071432,5.462857142857144,80.83214285714288,71.41071428571428,9.35,28.285714285714285,9.673873057562805,2.578032142857144,874,32,175,21,16,296,134,224,0.106,0.7609999999999999,0.133,0.7947,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,9,1,18,1,0,2,0,27,37,13,2,5,9,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,10,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,7,1,21,5,29,24,3,33,0,1,0,0,10,13,0,7,18,110,31,1,0.11726180653484886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789103264119432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377422432039477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901670910859488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955622685201064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100997422143057,0.0,0.0,0.12251362992563275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857151836293124,0.0,0.0,0.18379336233562604,0.1124882098398139,0.06664258695314662,0.0,0.0,0.12928155567521366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357943514425355,0.0,0.0,0.1164674324199342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237430642169698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444402221038076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274052959035286,0.0,0.08282548179917502,0.05728819555029245,0.0,0.20708864701231466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935972552332256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325218345592356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836577577825388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5482911069688586,0.0,0.13136005994416794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578188738341608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154283069814347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400035623140086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027386756406107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25653076797556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614999533990854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675260476987786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127655124846437,0.0,0.0,0.06916405164289999,0.0,0.09406034807912186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194997988154089,0.08329942295676644,0.0,0.0,0.22653827648729286
ptsd,FixedMyBrain,2018/02/25,"Anyone else ALWAYS SLEEPY!? Hi, all. I'm four months out from 10 months of straight, non stop, no escape, seemingly hopeless trauma. It was crazy hard and intense and scary and I never thought I'd be free and now I'm four months out. I am SO SLEEPY most of the time. I go to work Monday through Friday but take one day off almost every week (FMLA) and spend the whole weekend at home laying around because I'm just too exhausted to do anything. Anyone else always insanely tired? Anyone else spend the weekend at home just resting? Is this normal for ptsd and can I expect it to get better over this year? I don't want to live this fatigued forever.",3.29398711524696,5.294816322834649,3.778869005010737,88.53368647100932,74.74803149606298,5.878024337866857,23.356478167501788,6.574015621080383,0.6734314960629915,511,15,98,4,11,160,87,127,0.18600000000000005,0.741,0.073,-0.9254,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,2,22,16,8,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,5,9,0,1,2,2,3,1,3,4,0,3,2,1,5,3,16,13,4,22,0,2,0,0,1,8,0,3,13,57,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086159276554086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340989258666903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950811052899088,0.4324019015964575,0.11576016992750672,0.1252269305500618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575167880596962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441198510156508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072109713458336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35253747509257005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852130562433763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349474255189432,0.0,0.079946517799207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601350144181958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28220877719978765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421498745256912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33684652593337017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849407500668104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782762088948725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532224668458347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443676163580814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806150984431655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760717647332405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10576701480959004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167698649078202,0.08202633669525299,0.16168051323849011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297134517935002,0.0,0.11283771587669532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705404320996466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024100951516546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058745156519817
ptsd,court050290,2018/02/25,"PTSD help. It's ruining my life. So I have ptsd from an abusive relationship I ended about 3 years ago. When I felt healthy enough I went to therapy and did emdr and it helped and I thought i was doing well. I even moved to a different state so I could quit triggering my flashbacks a year and a half ago and haven't had a single flashback until last night. 

I have started dating a guy I'm pretty smitten about and last night we went out with friends and had a really good time but we also had been drinking. Something triggered me and i had a flashback and was not able to control my emotions because I had been drinking it was like I went from laughing having a good time to having a panic attack and asked him if we could leave and we did. Then we get home and I was way more drunk than I had realized and had no control on my emotions and told him that I know he doesn't care, that I annoy him, that I burden him, that he thinks I'm crazy and cried myself to sleep basically everything my abusive ex would tell me to mentally drag me down. 

Anyways I really made my new boyfriend upset so I'm busy trying to fix that today and told him about my ptsd as he has every right to be upset with me. 

I'm terrified to drink again as I literally had no grounding skills to snap out of a flashback or trigger. Which I am fine with avoiding that.

But all day today I feel on edge with anxiety which is something I haven't dealt with in over a year and I hate this feeling. It's so hard to explain to people who don't have ptsd what it's like but I can't get out of the fight or flight mode and the shame for how I acted last night. How do some of you cope after a flashback? How do you explain to the people you care about without scaring them away or making them feel like the have to walk on eggshells if they stay because of triggers? How do you avoid triggers ? Has anyone ever had a happy moment trigger a flashback? 

I just need tips, advice, words of encouragement as I am mentally exhausted after last night. 

Much appreciated. 

",3.2700983656174323,4.685802876513319,4.329151785714283,87.01215382869252,73.5036319612591,6.9058414043583545,26.22344128329297,7.413659706084162,1.2485908595641648,1600,55,329,18,32,521,200,413,0.192,0.691,0.117,-0.9893,1,2,5,0,1,0,24.0,5,4,3,4,20,27,4,7,19,0,41,7,1,14,2,76,69,41,0,6,11,1,5,3,1,1,2,0,1,1,16,31,4,4,10,4,0,6,9,14,1,1,25,5,56,13,49,40,6,51,0,1,0,0,35,12,0,6,33,234,72,0,0.0777556326668137,0.1842554200300567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075981904332136,0.13785135370543114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062181151351314586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948284616358685,0.0,0.0,0.05436854626914568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726910203046114,0.08845825732609558,0.07305397644937997,0.0,0.0,0.0947982239439995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855409929016362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744191074629541,0.12416309130207287,0.0,0.08541091136126648,0.05014595050709877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123808669402006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285127544048711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749292422562548,0.0688684114482994,0.08034235393559737,0.0,0.051356862045593525,0.07033442134111431,0.06551247409472873,0.0,0.06988174892879488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794675251508425,0.05554863951348175,0.07465760107164826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060073808917193876,0.0,0.08124821764604387,0.0,0.0,0.13043547117983706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699030106329902,0.0,0.08277231683393757,0.06965377410673798,0.07676758946012605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423592311634518,0.0,0.0779952393715857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273246222821217,0.25352487411800106,0.0,0.08233198796710249,0.0,0.0,0.05492110285981806,0.11396242359687625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735742596818845,0.051902488587480936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671877881633514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264193212102583,0.0571593366878692,0.0576548163843983,0.0,0.07509687455562396,0.0,0.2918735757871733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122948154754296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078119306879532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791054320766852,0.0,0.0,0.36356869442635853,0.0,0.0,0.08270268647116534,0.0,0.0,0.0996244986662523,0.0,0.0,0.0834804502509637,0.0,0.06640288544789998,0.0,0.0,0.07784695287927212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781178685481331,0.0,0.0,0.1197201696468435,0.0,0.0,0.05503583700761575,0.08287715870669858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796185016903508,0.0,0.0889203424250824,0.0,0.0,0.04982266977805455,0.0,0.06172928694899885,0.09067986940450633,0.0,0.14740649608129935,0.1485976783151487,0.0,0.052790970566989455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171880198412695,0.0,0.0,0.06991165184354785,0.2162407514474558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495365517458608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523537052841662,0.0,0.0,0.15021623435661605
ptsd,aly_m97,2018/02/25,"medical marijuana So, I live in PA and medical marijuana is available now for PTSD; it's only available in pill form or oils, but at least it's something. I have been through trauma due to having to live with my mom's drug abuse for 10 years and having to deal with her death from an overdose when I was 15. I also was completely alone and outcasted in school which added to the trauma. I deal with chronic anxiety, depression, feelings of worthlessness, hypervigilance, depersonalization, detachment from emotion/others. I'd like to apply to become a patient in order to obtain medical marijuana, but since the program is really strict, I can't help but think that my PTSD won't be severe enough, or that my trauma is nothing compared to what other people have been through. Also, has medical marijuana helped any of you? Thanks",7.7639882266372355,8.408302602649009,8.223532008830023,65.98701250919797,62.70860927152317,11.214422369389258,35.98307579102281,10.980518767755715,4.282496100073583,667,29,107,17,9,221,97,151,0.209,0.733,0.058,-0.9812,0,1,2,0,1,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,0,4,0,15,7,0,0,0,13,18,12,1,0,5,2,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,2,11,2,24,12,3,10,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,2,5,77,18,2,0.0,0.164413389632818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437183022500782,0.0,0.2219400409121906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943647034229329,0.0,0.10615455828835264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532546260990473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454920691760182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861204704244765,0.11951776815487225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092291011520146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433809517188299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701635637964762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860220061723939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779338648953356,0.0,0.24506341227270104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5591630435226425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625194516527919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314840016358334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553675026494112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620191886009813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32441684160642303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888961720285719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043720876175722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676452843857938,0.0,0.1147875317311806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682778772989504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775582305919012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889147686122912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935986890524114
ptsd,BedouinMintTea,2018/02/25,"Psychogenic tremor from PTSD and other mental health issues? My little sister has had mental health issues (depression, PTSD) for a few years, and last year she developed a tremor. At first we were told it was essential tremor, but after meeting with more professional doctors she was told it was psychogenic. Does anyone have experience with this disorder, and maybe some advice on how to help her get better? She will of course be undergoing therapy and medical treatment, but as I'm away from her at university, do any of you know what sort of long-distance support can be offered? Something that you or a loved one found comforting?",8.10142857142857,9.22930985714286,7.296428571428574,71.24857142857144,62.03571428571429,10.32857142857143,33.85714285714286,10.290406445055957,3.6518071428571433,512,20,81,11,7,158,85,112,0.033,0.804,0.162,0.953,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,2,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,0,12,5,0,1,0,15,20,9,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,9,4,15,9,3,10,0,1,0,1,15,5,0,3,5,58,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147314630062808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025175875671256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541039147533432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14163792826532018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333292693298169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298438167895183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277663572925536,0.15430265243187696,0.13192545267248046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746590500300027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823089763032006,0.0,0.1652934928479684,0.0,0.0,0.0787625108306692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32048796072090313,0.0,0.0,0.10104693076667992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146950906982532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285021177285125,0.12288426886208373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151094667385215,0.0,0.13341215302779147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360609700054597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514522095499003,0.0,0.0,0.1518683474839964,0.3038482534513021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215451100596737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524456789587512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605745247899847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107334871721258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239982946661925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28810296611544384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416069469156166
ptsd,BowlingBallGalaxies,2018/02/25,"Anxiety/paranoia about getting certified for medical marijuana. Legal in my state and I have an appointment on Tuesday to be certified for PTSD to get my medical marijuana card. I was finally diagnosed approx 5 years ago and haven't been back to therapy since (financial issues), still struggling but I've found that specifically Indica strains alleviate a lot of my anxiety and other symptoms. On one level, I know it's good that I'm going to get the card and be able to medicate legally but I've been a mess since I made the appointment. I feel like they won't believe me or something. Like they will think I'm faking just to be able to smoke and not give me the card or give me a hard time of it. Maybe I'm being ridiculous, I know that I have PTSD, I've been living with it for close to a decade but I'm having panic attacks and severe insomnia over this stupid appointment. Has anyone else applied for a MM card and felt like this? Really, just any words of wisdom or support would be really appreciated right now.... ",5.0523376623376635,6.339279313131312,6.374199134199134,74.5527272727273,69.0,10.303607503607504,30.809523809523807,10.451354775682146,3.4383220779220767,816,33,149,23,14,276,114,198,0.163,0.7020000000000001,0.135,-0.74,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,6,14,3,3,9,1,17,6,0,1,0,28,35,13,0,1,9,0,3,3,0,3,6,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,7,3,15,6,21,20,1,17,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,11,92,24,2,0.2526729869178071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119896787434941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591314781501286,0.0,0.09664707169787216,0.0,0.0,0.08833741369625059,0.1294466673047194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372599983787432,0.0,0.09714496518355227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423379653298597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822888149849174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553792914015156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387952707971742,0.09025481617026568,0.12130284592837365,0.13839545330521485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385214441825306,0.0,0.0,0.1980168104574106,0.2423869528635988,0.07179994065832916,0.10596505671899484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131726831229248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186247591963288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388624656405512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516488760373093,0.0,0.1115574383160692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740676890300034,0.0,0.11954264479943262,0.0,0.0,0.12692198845833327,0.0,0.0,0.3818121776598926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560887758190258,0.0,0.0,0.14822865435585972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29536120027521584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618687854811495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789067512303104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272427735539706,0.0,0.20901370582901133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726000490728864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008924868717819,0.0,0.0,0.13207433355682136,0.0,0.0,0.143365155621982,0.0,0.13131199008318534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14447679060483726,0.0,0.0,0.08095132376444253,0.0,0.0,0.07366782530705435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974582018212747,0.0,0.0,0.08135655968289104
ptsd,GanjaGeedo69,2018/02/26,"My experience with PTSD On July 27th of last year I was off on a night out like any other near Liverpool (England), and on the walk me and a few friends had to cross a bridge onto a small island with an abandoned water tower, that had no lighting apart from the street lights beside it. We heard voices in the dark, angry scouse accents shouting ""pass me the blade"" and so on, and my friends began to run. I looked back to see 12 men run out of the dark yelling carrying knives and took off after my friends. When we came to the path of the second bridge one grabbed my friend who I had overtook and went to stab him him the back. I tackled the man and my friends got away, however I was then cornered into a grassy clearing and questioned on where I was from, told they were going to drag me to the dark and kill me, and I resisted their attempts to drag me. I was thrown back onto a construction fence, the only thing separating me from the water. Before I know it I was set upon, seeing strobe light like vision as my eyes were being punched repeatedly, my legs were brown from the dirt and being kicked relentlessly, and I was dodging and diving, swinging, trying to fend for myself, when I see one run up and plant a Stanley blade into my head, just above my eyebrow. It got stuck as the assault continued and part of my cheek was cut off with a much larger knife in an attempt to slice my eye out, they talked about finishing me and argued over who should have the knife and before I know it one charged aiming for my neck. I managed to grab his wrists and twist the hand but he put it through the skin in-between my thumb and index finger. I twisted his hand the whole way and felt a crack and he fell back causing his friends to look away. I dove to go over the barrier and was sliced down the entirety of my back and ran blacking in and out, pulled the knife out my head and collapsed in my own blood. When I awoke I walked myself to the hospital, got patched up, and tried to carry on. I was 17 at the time (now 18), and for a week or two I was fine. Then came the episodes. I would teleport back to that dockyard on repeat screaming and tangling my bedsheets, put my drink down in a bar and come around over a mile away as I'd just freaked out and ran and ran, with little to no memory of these episodes. I was and am a paranoid mess, and my gentle nature has become anxious and aggressive. I can't remember if I've clocked in at work, what I learn in classes, what I ate for breakfast, and when I did go on medication was so drowsy and whacked out my mind I couldn't learn either way. I fell asleep in work, classes, I stopped taking them. I now am back to essentially square one, and have already savaged one of my attackers when I seen him in broad daylight. I moved out in November of last year to hide all this from my family, and have deadbolts on my door to lock myself away if I feel an episode coming on, and it is hell. Any advice? If you've read all this thank you, I needed this off my chest.",7.280768489110706,5.5433708075657915,6.967801724137932,82.44875,64.60855263157895,9.833575317604355,33.30104355716878,8.104835398774808,2.225237114337568,2353,75,503,22,29,741,293,608,0.116,0.825,0.06,-0.9812,2,0,1,0,1,1,61.0,2,1,4,4,21,21,7,0,40,0,32,22,15,1,3,89,65,56,1,7,8,0,8,2,6,2,1,5,1,2,18,60,6,4,8,3,0,25,4,11,0,7,36,27,81,10,99,24,8,119,1,1,11,0,30,60,1,5,33,352,99,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650719872401984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639848158250035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648410740143266,0.0,0.0,0.0884490189524182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969753784428186,0.0,0.0890698059164823,0.29423611544985645,0.4214184102456045,0.0,0.0,0.08646867670508357,0.1332434755294921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17909310266643236,0.0,0.08042867254795698,0.0,0.13488530053684294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669751925758793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658576269221716,0.07380785121843794,0.0,0.039587389097624916,0.0,0.07517374000629523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629347443185365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334874717128336,0.0,0.18785464777284536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607028001849533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661981416664452,0.0,0.08605577889623267,0.1276387983173016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650019537182112,0.07847034431578015,0.0,0.0,0.13149312120323006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887215163825079,0.0,0.0,0.07905380259399268,0.0,0.0,0.0832132700449591,0.057554502869473285,0.058053408022473475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734728546925713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26526745750766345,0.0595454987000948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478389469703915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152054886884904,0.15741256049933788,0.08770629056522697,0.0,0.0783143768267296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869092144638656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716860632004104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545661222393183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588667348547775,0.06292910008925699,0.0,0.07208184994140053,0.0,0.0,0.05201451623487032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565338845991846,0.0,0.0,0.07481249782243682,0.08698661440088594,0.1063118728466595,0.0,0.07648106977203603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429097927757315,0.06280207410684968,0.0,0.0,0.07257857112444394,0.0,0.08741155015252898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139967489599294,0.0,0.0,0.055617235534660366,0.0,0.0,0.10083649428999494
ptsd,life_reject_all,2018/02/26,"I believe my previous schooling and jobs have given me PTSD and now I refuse to ever work again. Death, prison, mutilation, homelessness all sound better than the dread of work and the related triggers. For those who have had PTSD due to work, what help did you seek? I basically obsess over and over about the job culture, how much I hate America, and how much I wish to just remove my existence completely.

I will wake up at 3 am typing out emails to blank addresses, thinking I need to appease a boss. I will do anything for them. Most of the emails are gibberish.

I live with my parents and constantly try to drown out this sensation of dread from working through video games, food, or porn.

I want out of this hell but I am constantly entrapped. Constantly swarming around with vultures that pick and chew through even the best things.

This society is addicted, almost everything in the heart of its function is a massive addiction.

""For-profit"" seems to be one of the most counter intuitive actions, going for quarterly dick measuring instead actually performance and balance.

I cannot stand this game. I will not play. I will choose death over playing the game.

Anyone ever been in a same position with the monsters constantly clawing at their limited time without a voice or ability to change anything?
",6.102373522458631,8.154569651063829,5.820815602836884,76.58361111111113,67.38297872340425,9.817966903073287,35.18321513002364,10.125756701596842,3.9659314420803793,1048,52,175,27,18,325,152,235,0.161,0.773,0.066,-0.9711,3,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,8,11,9,2,3,13,0,17,8,3,5,3,41,25,13,3,3,6,1,0,0,0,4,2,2,1,0,10,15,2,2,3,6,0,3,3,5,0,2,4,2,21,4,38,16,7,26,1,0,0,2,13,12,2,6,10,129,31,9,0.0,0.0,0.1141695316804607,0.25508204836360165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715286242507415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180511440003231,0.0,0.19255263263128455,0.10414970524339133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131812479560642,0.12277826923827005,0.10347192508957333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376442562632678,0.0,0.1226662670312226,0.5057169750616917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727361246829365,0.2116560319853607,0.0,0.0,0.10514690676654412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414699366546969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649054023323131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550762102249244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863877421087986,0.07841879358805577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321975225261757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033080845563394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720085011518767,0.08674976937382572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927834573385466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990829239187338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735200835845891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840444808196332,0.0,0.10650719014451357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772579493902143,0.07496520471105156,0.0,0.0,0.06822030015013858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943143017182554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900625213857177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453763758388287,0.11277830210695346,0.0,0.34069289016801585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,rPTSDposts,2018/02/26,"I don't feel like anyone around me understands what I'm going through I feel alone. I go to group therapy at my university but I think what I say falls flat. Most of the people there have anxiety and have been open about what kind of anxiety they have (GAD seems to be the recurring variable). I'm not trying to minimize GAD but I just don't think they relate.

The one person that I think gets me is my counselor at university (my individual counselor, maybe my group counselors too but I don't know). For an hour a week I get to meet with someone who accurately knows what I'm feeling, she's literally the /u/rPTSDposts whisperer (I've met with several psychiatrists and counselors but nobody understands to this degree), but once that's up, I go back into a world that I don't feel understands me. That makes me feel even more lonely.

I want to have friends, I want to meet people, but I think I'd drive them away. My uneasiness and hypervigilance would have to drive them away. I just don't think a lot of people would put up with me. I don't feel like a good person, I was named after my uncle who died when he was 7-8 years old, and I wish he had a better person that could have been named after him.

Does anyone feel the same way? Does anyone have any input? Has anyone been in a similar situation?",3.6643103448275913,5.113453007662837,4.961568965517245,82.73407758620692,72.5632183908046,8.438390804597702,24.54425287356321,8.982922981607832,1.7110979310344825,1029,30,211,21,20,342,132,261,0.102,0.83,0.068,-0.8138,0,3,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,4,1,9,7,0,0,12,0,25,0,0,1,0,49,56,11,1,6,9,0,7,2,1,2,0,2,0,3,12,10,0,0,18,0,0,7,7,1,0,1,7,9,35,6,28,45,4,28,0,1,0,0,22,11,0,3,11,135,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532714460492973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915726534073466,0.0,0.15559544381277546,0.0,0.0,0.28443487935793244,0.0,0.0,0.09053165276808332,0.0,0.0,0.19109485542552412,0.07819850982740235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994249548343088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119656565853214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554515235603903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799099163728152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716973260525763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599464647161352,0.14530433184932326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785706431589403,0.0,0.10626469057033823,0.0,0.1733897898229279,0.08529839414265941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015079613711007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059014972479118,0.11177972902180304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936777307062998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645892515089253,0.0,0.0,0.0678833585446379,0.0,0.10216803663493264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671361338994867,0.10830370095110832,0.06891233778562046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151112823649626,0.26639299223737384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223330485719688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087332338809518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258088568694403,0.0,0.1148883607534049,0.0,0.0,0.11431138810925205,0.0,0.0,0.08616731131821563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629907642250895,0.0,0.0,0.32581579884115164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904540572998179,0.0,0.0,0.31760965477330066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996673524589545,0.08072213256156976,0.08157498445439285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694622333801735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448488170684126,0.0,0.0,0.06548936138754573
ptsd,Nintendobandit,2018/02/27,"I’m triggered Saw something in the media that triggered the fuck out of me, this time resulting in tears. Lovely. 

Oh well. Same shit, different day. Laundry calls. :/",2.421379310344829,5.253140103448279,2.5409655172413816,87.17558620689655,96.24137931034485,5.078620689655172,26.4896551724138,6.742157984588678,1.7447599999999994,129,6,21,2,5,39,26,29,0.28300000000000003,0.5710000000000001,0.146,-0.6705,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,2,4,3,1,5,0,0,1,2,2,3,2,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855534818702903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24350918100293495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944928704523377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490685142639124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407825353861628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875825409025708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29068110351311754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017112557292684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394916022296694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PreludeToAnEpic,2018/02/27,"Possible problem with counselor? So for over a year I've been seeing someone about my PTSD and I've slowly gotten better but now everyone is wanting me to make leaps that I feel like I'm not ready for or can't handle. My counselor is one of these people.

They (counselor) are very smart and analytical but it feels like they're not very empathetic to how I might feel and I don't know how to take it. Obviously I should be pushing forward and trying to get better but there have been instances that have hindered me and they seem to think its me just trying to get out of what I'm supposed to do. And since I've made progress, I don't want to just drop them since the methods up until now have helped.

Is there any advice on what to do in a situation like this?",2.8363461538461543,4.536857634615386,3.9156410256410266,88.36269230769231,75.21794871794873,6.338461538461537,24.179487179487186,7.010146845296331,0.7931948717948721,605,19,127,6,13,196,93,156,0.07200000000000001,0.784,0.145,0.9311,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,3,11,7,0,0,3,0,17,0,0,4,1,32,34,14,0,4,8,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,0,6,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,4,4,13,6,21,27,0,12,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,3,8,85,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668924338387871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614195883371478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020968962948655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319562147588482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25906721822314355,0.2440225136846809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784597649558616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447585484483536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386083025789677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25031573514018063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160410000415504,0.11400257362319068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18117948772300227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573063016299365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840316235507352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19253824340784828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16342141960360088,0.19964248334436127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609623132608742,0.15547933194386318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28255583499680864,0.1919733012373695,0.0,0.0,0.1447084449424786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284116111412657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943430139969423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319082060413783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818366091563349,0.20147082967633054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998212084939862
ptsd,AgreeableQuail,2018/02/27,"If you have PTSD , don't watch Logan. It isn't like other Xmen movies. At all. I have seen the other xmen movies and never had a problem with any of them. I was looking forward to Logan so much.

I just watched it...and I haven't been this messed up from a movie in a long time.

I kept watching telling myself I could just look away if something bad happened again or that it would get better, or just kept getting reimmersed in the movie because I love xmen and wolverine in particular.

I won't post details because I don't want to trigger anyone, but there is a lot of very very graphic violence. And very disturbing events you wouldn't really expect in an xmen movie.





",3.918345864661653,5.317154857142857,4.2360977443609045,88.38061278195492,71.85714285714286,6.5230075187969945,27.58571428571429,6.742157984588678,1.1774066165413537,528,19,106,4,10,165,84,133,0.141,0.81,0.048,-0.918,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,1,6,7,0,1,7,0,14,1,0,1,2,24,24,9,0,8,8,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,6,6,13,3,13,14,3,14,0,0,6,1,5,8,0,5,7,71,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330786222709974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683378631397206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386094329936695,0.0,0.1633963055888976,0.2385864770759692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307542922030808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624572541634932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204484063206948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730515470366764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956061975066818,0.0,0.0,0.1731830209867253,0.32866732576102137,0.0,0.0,0.16637203026208955,0.1766214643055881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438575978007141,0.0,0.15093126746842175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874207454051524,0.0,0.0,0.18725271718169595,0.2287557993426549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536657955365232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065479247718422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710451708143135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411073795913435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844041037626304,0.11542538420377388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901539412959535,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mesavoida,2018/02/27,"Am I crazy to think that somebody can be more dead than alive? (ptsd/911-WTC) I took all Sunday morning to write a blog post, something I've been meaning to write for a while. Needs work, could be more poetic, but I shared it with my family, and I didn't get a good response. My father was ""I don't get it. Maybe you need to share this with your support group"". Ok, that's fine. However my ""dead"" sister called my mother, said it was psychotic and I should be locked up. Really, really upsetting. So anyway, I don't have know where else I can put this that they won't find, not Facebook of course. Here it is: ""Is my sister alive or dead, or does it matter?""

""Unlike Schrodinger's cat, we usually think we know whether somebody we know is either alive or dead. But in some rare cases, the truth isn't binary but some alternate ""other"" solution.

In the 90's, my older sister lived and worked in the World Trade Center complex. She was there for the 1993 bombing, even felt it. She worked in the high-pressure world of international finance. She would work 12-hour days 7 days a week and said she had to do so just to get ahead. I was proud of her. She seemed to be doing something s she enjoyed. She would smile, laugh, and would seem to have a good time.

Then 9/11 happened. I remember where I was, so do you. I called my mother that day and she confirmed that my sister had been in California all day. She had relocated and was longer based off the east coast, so she survived, right? No/yes. The few times I saw her after that she was always deadly serious, never smiled (fake smiles though). She had once done track and field and had been in excellent shape, but now she looked like a concentration camp survivor. Her upper-body is way too thin.

It all came to a head 5 years ago when I found a small card holder that had her business card showing her name and address at 3 World Financial Center. I cried so much when I saw it. I went around and gave them out to random people telling them that they were my sister's and she died that day. It was a higher truth vs. she wasn't there and was just fine. Hence my paradox.

She was must have been affected much more than she knew or was aware of. She lost her workplace, co-workers, a place she called home. I saw the pain when she mentioned it to me just that once. Perhaps it's a type of survivor's guilt because it can go either way. That you're super grateful that you're alive and want to share what you have with everyone, or that you don't feel like you were one of the lucky ones. It's probably something she just stuffed. Who knows.

But again, is my sister a survivor of 9/11 or a victim? I think she was missed in count of the walking wounded, until today.""

BTW: This is the 3rd place I've posted this, still looking for some feedback.  I have some very serious PTSD from other things, but crap doesn't everybody in their own way, even if they only watched it happen, also have some PTSD related to 9/11?  Isn't burying yourself in your work just another way of trying to cope?",3.1431000000000004,4.919801776666667,3.5843333333333334,90.738,74.56666666666666,6.6000000000000005,22.833333333333336,7.327094020958105,0.709483333333333,2366,65,495,27,50,737,285,600,0.105,0.747,0.14800000000000002,0.9833,1,0,3,0,0,0,101.0,3,7,6,11,28,29,2,2,24,1,63,4,2,1,7,90,100,41,6,10,23,9,3,2,0,6,2,2,2,0,36,23,0,0,17,2,2,6,11,10,0,2,40,11,76,19,49,49,17,66,0,2,6,0,69,28,1,16,28,326,112,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867548906473349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061955444975677426,0.06446406984770238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123760835575662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896774573318283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722706173588919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605547530784484,0.0,0.0,0.2373269911297096,0.08860892327976742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061856200826144375,0.0,0.08510088514231949,0.24981964871014886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040515122051996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779748893728826,0.07928217997377897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471907929283308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023408917796424,0.0,0.0,0.07402914775855925,0.0,0.0,0.07303502065336502,0.0,0.03917287568501338,0.055347007960773305,0.07438660743152661,0.0,0.07080927832053797,0.0,0.0,0.0849455774132321,0.0,0.0,0.12142995188287667,0.0,0.044029915031933715,0.12996201392125084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701893243161378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951005304182095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185489406043613,0.07771213070580925,0.0,0.07629568699749999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030940435934794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569917368860725,0.0,0.06841042604214062,0.0,0.13011627712112908,0.0,0.08457136107220142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783243713386281,0.08439123787582352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390371718926465,0.11489107957827666,0.05975225732795824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650132717292454,0.10499595323754966,0.05892200701664574,0.08243715320933356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371029640252727,0.0,0.16188641415351548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483961911389826,0.0,0.08352942185529115,0.0,0.27168675417990945,0.0778821589937863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992628796863851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877622525608043,0.0661618549381621,0.14738987733214734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105773590960155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17892841050321673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061870352309402875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791588910378234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771516089825294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05146988030102068,0.1489254673913502,0.07611721598601984,0.0,0.09035071781722054,0.0,0.07343571853007573,0.0,0.08607579105009827,0.052599348855681405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532599783519604,0.06392366349757947,0.04569581488849112,0.2459790954135472,0.06214448332729825,0.0,0.0,0.07181861216061658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33840932003552443,0.0,0.0,0.16510462825703798,0.0,0.0,0.04989032549726198
ptsd,severedandbroken,2018/02/27,"Though I was having appendicitis Woke up today at 3am because of a nightmare...next thing I know I am with the worst stomachache 
I was in so much pain I couldnt sleep but I managed to sleep a couple of hours then head to work. I took some meds but pain wouln't fade I was freaking out I was gonna have to rush into ER (with no health insurance) and after a few hours I started to feel better.

Is this normal in panic attacks/fears? I usually get hip, back and wrist pains but not this.",0.1287738004569654,2.454927574257425,1.9271287128712868,95.08388423457731,90.0891089108911,4.295811119573496,18.66031987814166,5.873414542411696,-0.2435093678598625,379,11,82,3,13,124,72,101,0.204,0.7290000000000001,0.067,-0.9301,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,1,4,0,9,9,5,0,0,15,16,8,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,6,1,0,6,1,11,1,15,8,4,17,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,9,57,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753773371464744,0.0,0.10110801005852184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669156821421925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835232831794575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664099959808472,0.08386487245239135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665611300741206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022238833454453,0.17630367956052664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32668155946288296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091153484549411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184235426537332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192774396679673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763962483487321,0.0,0.1625096636389851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5294669756821537,0.19460346310689647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319638111631946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739806359731712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101914238130939,0.0,0.1629586926787935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721789785095294,0.0,0.1842789203350955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267369449364676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074960018120187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Shenina,2018/02/27,"My diagnosis is getting worse, lol! So not only have I PTSD and Depression but I am now also diagnosed with ADHD. So many questions are finally been answered, why I am chaotic since I was a child, why I lost so fast interest in certain things, why I couldn‘t concentrate.

My parents did not understand why I was this way, so they pushed me away instead of helping... this is where the PTSD part comes in.

My whole life story build up mental illnesses because of people who didn‘t understand that I wasn‘t just a difficult child... i was a child with a serious mental disorder! 
God dammit.. I am always wondering what would‘ve been if I was a „normal“ child.

But I am so glad, that my psychologist finally gave my diagnosis a name... it can be only better from now on! 

I wonder how it feels like to be really calm and relaxed, because I‘ve never experienced this. My whole life will be changed, holy shit!!!

I‘m so excited!",3.606511627906978,5.991850290697679,5.1362209302325565,77.38537790697677,75.16279069767441,8.71860465116279,29.3546511627907,9.354420925462401,3.077458139534884,718,32,126,19,16,241,109,172,0.146,0.67,0.184,0.8661,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,2,14,13,1,0,7,1,23,5,1,1,2,23,33,13,0,2,6,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,4,10,5,0,0,7,1,0,2,6,5,0,0,11,2,21,8,11,17,3,15,0,2,0,0,11,6,1,4,7,96,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265841471069646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492706308416586,0.09877073479977873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152574824127713,0.0,0.0,0.14472097716165358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498350764222099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557245370982156,0.10225246514093952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223906124091454,0.12048144849343093,0.0,0.0,0.13604437606726685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002000377528228,0.08480172998958775,0.0,0.2600675368023605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201762523169323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956438433728336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676874384769876,0.057992483461128425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295787792463814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203466125493006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925020813975595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155137701002984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630412519459588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805585636358715,0.0,0.0,0.1318060739210545,0.12854421056287166,0.0,0.08229398879910482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27751583591825146,0.0,0.13297497033358924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604443520343238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184733042337477,0.09819267601408246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07886126193085312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471488435651165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422123074442712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42844540788585017,0.2650562055113067,0.0,0.0,0.25745753934174603,0.0,0.0,0.12096890188009067,0.08432348691976141,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,opxum,2018/02/27,"Is anybody else currently on anti-psychotics? TW for abuse 

I have a whole cocktail of prescriptions for my diagnosis of PTSD and depression that I’ve been on for less than 2 months (diagnosis a few years ago - been thru lots of combinations of meds since but this is like a fresh new start). But I’m still doing shit so I just googled them all and 1 is a straight anti-psychotic medication. It kind of makes me question my diagnosis (is it actually something else and they lied?) and it’s bringing back a part of my trauma history of being forced to take my mothers pain and anti psychotic medications because she didn’t want to 🙂

Anyways is this a common treatment for ptsd? 

Idk what to trust  

Edit ty guys I’m just paranoid and kinda stupid lol",3.2070238095238075,5.658704861111113,4.56448412698413,80.65750000000003,76.7777777777778,7.7253968253968255,28.341269841269842,8.634040054169528,2.4128269841269847,596,26,111,13,14,197,97,144,0.206,0.665,0.129,-0.9276,1,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,6,8,2,0,6,1,11,4,1,1,1,16,18,9,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,10,3,18,14,6,13,0,1,0,0,6,3,1,3,10,72,17,1,0.0,0.20612159971717328,0.16976599853776933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421061450624513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337693343281751,0.0,0.10604823221209207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983690575156874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906530153318224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225397239641888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18115911444448066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499113913212589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478999138179434,0.0,0.0,0.1161238456400224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932373239648986,0.3505054585000925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885822839242085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16801772142865665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851123920293285,0.0,0.0,0.188388533005338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067145535801371,0.0,0.1948820524695717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785738908704024,0.1439067080902394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392774487715653,0.0,0.0,0.12313423142649328,0.0,0.1389296993627158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308009954217521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260982179064716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422714372583005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120285833799794
ptsd,popplasticmusic,2018/02/27,"Loving someone with PTSD Couple of months back I met a wonderful, beautiful man (Ex military). Unfortunately, he has endured a lot and sufferers from PTSD. When i first met him he actively pursued me and he vocalized his attraction towards me pretty clearly but then I found out he had a girlfriend. We kept in touch and we had this weird subtext flirtation going on, even though I felt bad and conflicted since he had a girlfriend. Couple of months later his GF moved to another country and he told me that they have broken up and he continued to flirt with me but he made it seem as if it was all me and I was the one who wanted it. This made me feel bad about myself and I did not want to be treated the way he treated her. He really opened up about his PTSD to me and told a me everything, n eventually ended up lashing out at me. Ever since then, he has developed some kind of dislike towards me, I apologized in many ways and even sent him a postcard to tell him how much I appreciated him but he closed off to me. Eventually, we just kept getting into a pattern where I would leave him alone for a bit n then he would start reaching out by posting comments on my Facebook posts and we would become friends again and fight again. This happened once but then he decided to block my number, however he still kept me on his Facebook. He recently started commenting on my FB status again but this made me very angry because he had clearly said something along the lines of ""Lets just get through the next couple of months"" - we are at the same institution for the next couple of months and after that I will move away. I bump into him sometimes and it is always extremely painful to see him. I don't know why even though I never got a chance to be with him in an intimate capacity, I have very strong feelings for him and whenever I am close to him or I see him I just feel exhausted and I feel like crying. I miss him but I am scared of reaching out to him because he might say or do stuff that will hurt me. What should I do?",4.748996683250418,5.599756171641793,5.53905472636816,81.86904643449422,69.3731343283582,8.841127694859038,30.311774461028193,9.049649993220411,2.4158152570480933,1599,62,319,29,27,522,203,402,0.146,0.747,0.107,-0.9667,1,1,1,0,1,0,29.0,5,0,1,2,19,19,1,1,16,0,28,3,0,4,5,81,62,34,0,7,13,1,6,1,4,7,2,2,0,1,14,34,0,5,10,0,0,4,3,10,0,2,22,10,63,9,54,30,6,60,0,3,2,1,62,26,0,8,27,230,77,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644607076178512,0.0,0.0,0.06945077334120764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752185113392344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841947798115274,0.06418054851255675,0.13938199987875702,0.10176074727951308,0.0921821371732907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911237465443136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694161605736644,0.09168397681248837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392650116601172,0.0,0.0,0.16538641049154149,0.07550018320355847,0.0,0.0,0.07501426394226876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881258144269248,0.05962844905819557,0.08014088196034802,0.0,0.0,0.07099652032743324,0.0,0.0915166550483418,0.06448597276412657,0.0,0.08721555108114748,0.0,0.04743590741850205,0.0,0.06675574543098706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380910670272726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935256176963809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691746424163002,0.045870978469018935,0.0,0.0,0.0883789196883002,0.0,0.08535010086684497,0.0,0.04077749175924513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096019159748611,0.07533173050547874,0.2369339213629674,0.0,0.08462188043337647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854471409995332,0.0,0.0,0.2664884985326676,0.17742325582441876,0.0613574450381571,0.0,0.0643744723240965,0.0,0.17753503445354998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888904594632413,0.05655902712373505,0.0,0.08881418836821851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987557502715352,0.08491538709361847,0.0,0.0,0.2927034428470826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347074559969322,0.0,0.08241305059961862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939570824155938,0.06637587169547926,0.08356447799177573,0.0,0.1330239095418261,0.07598472193755566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380886210767758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072085282010578,0.06425655155148091,0.08255045397492895,0.0,0.11815596681129502,0.0,0.06665641534784594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554911687929786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295335684542716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640107280628739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951154104198145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377371262844105,0.09846135032926384,0.1325035670459646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531548938174981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051580534484753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787651542563265,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,queenelizabeth_02,2018/02/27,"How? When? What did you do? I’m struggling to figure out what’s wrong with me at the moment. I’m wondering what caused you all to find out that you may have PTSD? Was it something you noticed yourself? Did family members point it out? Etc. I’d also like to know how long it was from the traumatic event to realization that it took to discover PTSD may be a consideration for you. After considering the potential of PTSD, what steps did you take next? 

I’m feeling pretty insane and uncomfortable right now & I’m not exactly sure where to reach out. ",1.9215528396836767,4.618450644859816,3.5003738317757005,84.62656362329258,84.60747663551402,7.0306254493170375,22.24946081955428,8.139509932561175,1.5301565780014383,437,15,85,10,13,144,71,107,0.153,0.775,0.071,-0.8891,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,6,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,0,10,0,0,3,3,21,19,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,6,1,7,2,16,10,2,17,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,3,8,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238558007382152,0.0,0.19291582621043754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829051878589277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857150362949935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784858514881826,0.0,0.0900268350870535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273339933619346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978509771871251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698566172023091,0.0,0.0,0.15756760620237098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893569440421109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270976600767485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683136889665103,0.0,0.0,0.18113966352266625,0.0,0.0,0.6243886410220587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205272269174333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707068324766347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861352891907642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678089093199217,0.0,0.13387055705581535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978187945190735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1930863543679355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466843826393332,0.0,0.0
ptsd,georgiameow,2018/02/27,"For those who were physically/emotionally abused - How does it affect your romantic relationships? I know PTSD and my past experiences really affect me, have done more emotionally now that I am an adult. I'm only 21 and want to know how others experience it? ",7.534057971014493,8.856743130434785,8.859565217391307,58.85427536231885,63.34782608695652,13.08985507246377,30.55072463768116,12.45797560212912,4.610689855072465,208,7,34,8,3,72,38,46,0.071,0.836,0.093,-0.168,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,4,0,9,8,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,2,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,24,11,0,0.0,0.2786434766395152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580290066822995,0.2406652940346641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290796028713578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600918228361533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25849164900969424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886090100528895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22450079178070406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749065536192219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506588878758897,0.0,0.0,0.2524895374645273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871208801182647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Brittam47,2018/02/27,New here! I’m so happy to hear there is a support group for ptsd! I have been searching for one for a long time . Just wanted to say hello ,-1.0380000000000005,1.0296988666666709,1.1016666666666666,100.5225,93.66666666666666,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.4813333333333327,106,2,25,0,4,35,25,30,0.0,0.7490000000000001,0.251,0.8412,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,16,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639913359786968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853804824908904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025976997843336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302385718182371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317009309231357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996984132683528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719168282196848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880186372934713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19938240267660898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167944615922925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Redjay12,2018/02/27,"I’m really afraid right now I think my attacker knows where I live TW: sexual violence, assault
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Eight years ago someone anally raped me, used an object to hurt my vagina so that vaginal sex would be painful, and tried to drown me when I went to the police. 
Now I just bought something from a clothing store online and it shipped from the exact place he works and i’m afraid he knows where I live. I take sleeping pills every night because I’ll be too panicked to sleep otherwise, my window in my room is on the ground floor I don’t know what to do. I know he maybe didn’t see my address or name but if he did there’s nothing I can do to protect myself ",4.15145936981758,4.853804925373137,4.658457711442786,88.18247927031511,70.6417910447761,7.448092868988391,26.82918739635157,7.3871296695380915,1.2251684908789389,516,16,109,5,9,164,93,134,0.142,0.8320000000000001,0.026,-0.9042,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,7,3,2,5,0,10,8,4,1,1,17,22,8,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,3,3,0,2,5,0,2,1,2,7,0,1,4,1,17,0,10,15,0,16,0,1,1,3,5,9,0,2,6,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496111390642668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170880474508014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344118282341488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567922317908524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992174893843505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090896102010468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286488450657394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869564483996844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463662447809164,0.0,0.17856222408026567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801715001793552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944286350833916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921658968595833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892326996647926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829283437522242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724568149558544,0.0,0.1576768529845219,0.14326426263619332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991953779529118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924152913205853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634561902875044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072547713380786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251101408337566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135478657547325,0.0,0.0,0.13219584725837666,0.0,0.0,0.1198384427874256
ptsd,BumbleBear1,2018/02/27,"Wanted to inform you all about a plant called Kratom which has made life more bearable for me through the suffering Kratom is a miracle plant, in my opinion, that is legal in several states in the USA. It is used to treat depression, anxiety, pain, insomnia, and a couple of other lesser symptoms. I have been taking it for about 3 years for my symptoms and it has helped a ton. Wanted to share this with those of you who have nothing to go to for relief from your suffering. I am not a doctor, so it is best for you to do your own research on the plant and see if it is right for you or if it. Check out r/kratom for some info. I personally swear by it",6.060075187969924,5.1003489924812015,6.6365413533834605,81.32293233082709,66.59398496240601,10.006015037593986,30.27819548872181,9.23628265651192,2.273153383458646,508,15,108,8,7,167,83,133,0.111,0.7659999999999999,0.123,0.3947,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,6,0,1,3,8,0,0,8,0,12,6,0,2,1,18,19,7,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,4,0,0,2,1,12,4,26,17,6,9,0,3,1,0,12,6,0,5,1,85,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167719796213636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23008131816646135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238709501872536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425874881307636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883311317063975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440383338724107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460047887442878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469535245096907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485735423863548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745241084258675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103689460131087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23328931612695195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143396180055575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723176736853755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470776604344376,0.0,0.0,0.2476814485142096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557534921700834,0.16484296073398766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893549959754895,0.0,0.0,0.2586296345806593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118488404193852
ptsd,eenoolaa,2018/02/28,"Disclosing cannabis use to therapist I'm starting trauma therapy and currently live in an illegal state. Cannabis has been immeasurably helpful in increasing my daily productivity and my hope for the future, helping me process my trauma and grow through it, and decreasing symptoms like anxiety attacks, negative thought cycles, and nightmares.

Despite this, I'm worried if disclosing my daily use to my new therapist is the smartest idea in an illegal state. I'm wondering if any of you may have some insight or suggestions. Thanks in advance. ",10.80593406593407,11.455866296703302,9.921186813186818,56.34881318681323,56.36263736263736,14.312967032967036,53.36483516483518,13.348371206891418,8.011007032967033,447,32,59,16,5,142,64,91,0.185,0.647,0.168,-0.4427,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,2,0,17,15,8,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,2,0,7,3,9,12,2,13,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,7,5,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408763728549034,0.0,0.15847736061493514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356751912489698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27771088712382463,0.0,0.0,0.20575730788608296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338592030123092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120824890840596,0.0,0.18292668438585835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20007708503517446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146629402436697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21531927703440096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19072573018120287,0.2369063029322529,0.481059055356106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446244756707518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578406444427517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465693112203666,0.0,0.2103817362336588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BeautifulSpeech,2018/02/28,"does it get better? Hi (: so i wanted to ask some people what they think about this before i talk to my mom and therapist (im very excited to talk to them about this actually). where do i even begin?
ive always been a very emotional person, like over emotional. im very empathic and intuitive. just a deep person. ive always had a lot of anxiety stemming from events that happened when i was 15. basically i was raped many times and manipulated...etc you get the idea. i was in denial for a long time (im 19 now) but over the past year ive been coming to heal and let go of this. however, recently ive been thinking ""why cant i remember things? why cant i remember my childhood? i have great parents and a lovely house."" i know part of ptsd is disassociating which i recognize in myself. but there was something itching at me. something that was keeping me from healing. and so i thought more. i remembered a specific event that happened when i was 7 years old. i had moved to a new school and was in first grade and my only friend was a boy. we were really good friends up until middle school when we had a falling out as most people that age go through. but i remember in first grade one time when we were at his house. we were in his room and he told me to close my eyes. and when i opened them he had striped and was trying to get me to have sex with him. i remember being really scared and having that sinking feeling in my gut. like i was going to throw up. i dont remember much of it though. i do remember denying that it even happened all throughout my life. not even acknowledging that what i DO remember happened. and i keep thinking about my little 7 year old self going through that and it rips me apart. i think why did that happen? is that even traumatic? am i being silly and over emotional? my heart has always been broken and very heavy. but before i moved to that school and met him i was so happy and pure and innocent. looking back, after that event i became very self loathing and miserable. i never told anyone because how does a 7 year old tell someone that? i didnt even know what sex was. and lately ive been feeling very hopeless and sad. like i cant talk to people without choking up. does it get better? is there such a thing as healing? or do i sound completely insane? am i over reacting? i just want to be whole and pure again",1.6034810126582286,3.9153177109704704,3.3177485232067525,88.16090126582279,81.8059071729958,6.492421940928272,22.77113924050633,7.699297019823105,1.1394230886075951,1841,63,377,32,50,611,213,474,0.092,0.769,0.138,0.957,2,0,2,0,0,1,56.0,4,1,3,4,27,18,1,2,13,0,52,12,4,2,4,73,86,41,0,2,9,2,2,3,2,0,5,1,1,5,27,32,0,2,19,0,0,9,8,5,0,3,30,5,65,13,47,52,8,67,0,3,2,4,33,24,0,4,37,264,92,5,0.0,0.0,0.05442095059593849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920886528900522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04266191834519187,0.0,0.0,0.03899387186521295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213500315932117,0.0,0.0,0.0428816983225624,0.0,0.033995297384104256,0.0,0.09490792209203204,0.0,0.0,0.09864348991334314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803868836293414,0.05847107156906072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640731692400544,0.0,0.06535899276680583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819250079591224,0.0,0.0,0.06219540700656208,0.1841692518401743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639535932808561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487146611210476,0.0,0.0,0.08617152997896972,0.0,0.11654468642523635,0.0,0.1267756239994884,0.04677506020380453,0.0,0.061483769769744616,0.0,0.0,0.24657469595051326,0.05936544818821191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608465298016994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869621437925627,0.0,0.06295462130660033,0.18071512750759244,0.0,0.0,0.0991372781628246,0.0,0.0,0.06129662354270415,0.0,0.06290807098392807,0.0,0.0,0.0570259582068897,0.03939017307930638,0.08173542329395707,0.05589359850650679,0.0,0.049352405655804746,0.04683058158458205,0.0,0.0,0.04741146031806339,0.05033226758759317,0.0,0.0,0.05653940379649521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653141201631989,0.0,0.11854386894466964,0.04099546527644098,0.0,0.04301126690021927,0.053860515037566864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555555673881104,0.0,0.03778944235827337,0.042413630604441324,0.0,0.0,0.06192311256954036,0.060390673844173286,0.05323630597561293,0.11598630732121633,0.0973879080610032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518912154871084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145206561891328,0.0,0.055063592561280406,0.0,0.5053888622736245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558329091722339,0.16931879787619414,0.0,0.0,0.11635514847510335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725154810967045,0.08586495823854455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447120254539469,0.048743177058572416,0.0,0.0,0.06475026483020319,0.07409878247105832,0.14293402598559524,0.05479120018022267,0.044273096685431126,0.0975552810666256,0.0,0.0,0.1065763060686686,0.0,0.03786241279542237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760837372396031,0.06578613020774607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509642486485983,0.062262325107121125,0.0,0.05375779612054525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364954240465175
ptsd,ModernKnits,2018/02/28,"New Member - Just got a diagnosis It has been a little over two years since my incident. I thought that I had everything under control. I thought that I could fake it at work - just keep smiling and no one will know. 

But all of little things kept happening. Getting vivid over stupid things like whether the shower curtain was left open. Bad dreams. The constant anxiety. The heart clenching terror at someone knocking at my door. Fear at police lights or cops in body armor. Not talking to friends. Not being able to tell anyone why the ""what to do in an active shooter situation"" video at work would upset me for days. I stopped being able to talk to my boyfriend who I used to be able to tell everything to. Being oddly fearless in situations that would scare others (example - when there was an incident where were 17 shots were fired outside my work, I wasn't scared, just concerned that a bullet could go through the glass windows at the front of the store. I work in a rougher neighborhood.) 

A year ago, my family across the continent leaving me and my boyfriend to clean out their old house. Three months ago, my boyfriend's mother, who was like a mother to me, died suddenly. The last shreds of my ability to hold it together just ripped apart. 

I finally sought help after a fight with my boyfriend got so bad that he slept on the couch. I knew, logically, that being in panicked, terrified tears for 15 minutes when there was an unexpected knock at my door wasn't normal. Emotionally, I felt like PTSD was something that happened to people who had really bad things happen to them - like being in war. That if I just worked a little harder I could just ""get over it"" - getting help means that I am weak. I can't tell most of my family. I can't tell them about my diagnosis or what happened that led to it. 

The next step is finding a therapist. The hospital I was evaluated at is just not set up to handle the longer term, more intense work I will need since I am opting not to use medication at this time. I'm not sure how to feel about everything. I just want to be able to feel safe in my own home again. 

Thank you to anyone who read this. ",4.76824433656958,6.177860177184467,5.002893203883495,83.65488996763756,69.8009708737864,8.308867313915856,28.296440129449838,8.745826893841286,2.052888090614887,1691,60,330,29,30,532,220,412,0.15,0.755,0.095,-0.9814,1,0,1,1,1,0,50.0,0,1,3,7,18,22,3,5,25,0,35,5,3,5,2,54,62,11,2,9,18,2,4,4,1,4,2,0,8,0,27,5,0,6,10,3,1,4,10,13,0,3,21,6,40,9,55,27,5,56,0,0,1,0,21,31,0,4,24,218,67,7,0.3026221449705046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412813617048144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787627814730005,0.0,0.0,0.10580022003935943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950763788619848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403624544578192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175675755662945,0.08485411701692715,0.18121436862817195,0.0,0.0,0.04879156205014019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851850215109862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510229531616731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398295303320274,0.0,0.14264261279850102,0.08513351176405007,0.07650742463757662,0.0,0.0726411791653301,0.08287694194040064,0.06914778951015756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845127962938097,0.0,0.118580685359002,0.0,0.042996784729201334,0.0,0.12101728719598527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26760776337243564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965217471471665,0.10142062238634474,0.0,0.07588867142672953,0.0,0.0,0.08729633111725574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724611677435913,0.0,0.0,0.04157830415574496,0.06166935964765152,0.0,0.08010828908387338,0.08219996149272478,0.0,0.0,0.14784589399760747,0.22748016821287784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241105814866814,0.0,0.07621499339835251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038752723294601,0.0,0.0,0.056097621496088386,0.0,0.07306858834261447,0.08046052108737843,0.0,0.07412636232646568,0.0,0.0,0.0793877586556041,0.0,0.05126614933867095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245002291024496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843727327035583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567600970518751,0.0,0.04846687378774928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148877998775406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251660827652799,0.1700799851588412,0.0,0.0,0.06410269034688243,0.058243327994653926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632514159294986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130444756218099,0.0,0.0,0.12161810850208865,0.2645050933151932,0.06965345313035147,0.0,0.08784190872763542,0.15078652968571632,0.0,0.0,0.12012408994248175,0.04411535158878132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390446572967282,0.0,0.0,0.13068418473033305,0.0,0.0,0.044623595443254636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826735399307357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33046878862631796,0.0,0.0,0.1074870445667676,0.0,0.0,0.09743936975212228
ptsd,jeremyhat1,2018/02/28,"unstable mental health possible PTSD? Genuinely trying to find cause of my unstable mental health. I am currently 19 living in Australia (immigrated from South Africa in 2008). Had a few traumatic incidents living in South Africa, one particular one was tipping point for moving to Australia for my parents at the time. In 2007, would of been 9 years old, we got held up by three guys who came into our house each having guns. They tied my parents up in their bed and put my sister and i into the same bed with them. We were held up for 8 hours, before they took my dads car and left. Had another incident where we where robbed in a power outage about 6 months after (not hostile but still traumatising as i still could not sleep in my own bed).
I remember having many trauma counseling sessions back in south Africa but again i was only 9/10. 
Last few years i have having extreme trouble connecting with people. I have friends but have never felt a real emotional connection. I feel very lonely and crave emotional connection, yet i make no attempt to try. I cry sometimes at night due to my extreme loneliness. I feel like ill never meet someone who can truly enjoy my company and like me genuinely for who i am. 
I also have fluctuating feelings of worthlessness, loneliness and feeling social isolated. Could this traumatic even that happened almost 10 years ago possibly be somehow related?",6.859026610644258,8.265901583333335,7.0014939309056965,71.26768907563029,64.91269841269842,10.532586367880489,33.474323062558355,10.59048541779884,3.9395258636788046,1117,47,178,29,17,359,160,252,0.185,0.743,0.073,-0.9828,4,2,0,1,0,0,27.0,4,0,4,2,11,9,1,0,5,0,20,4,1,2,2,40,32,11,0,3,5,4,5,2,1,1,3,0,3,1,5,15,0,2,7,0,0,5,5,5,0,3,12,5,30,4,33,16,5,47,0,2,0,0,19,22,0,2,22,125,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694687315437778,0.0,0.109514830529112,0.0,0.0,0.08746041341792868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146803935419651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409614817100641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306290318560463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508623036455316,0.0,0.1123496026643422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464062759426108,0.0,0.1201340511669458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460453612410249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722355937248206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211961130147906,0.07813150562626066,0.10500906645529824,0.0,0.09995907152584713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844963473545645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747044375807925,0.0,0.0,0.10829010743340904,0.0967125042944714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325031177453468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077040497316398,0.12619434790192352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891483585468377,0.0,0.0,0.1188271076845654,0.0,0.0,0.10686197199939954,0.0,0.1931453852390585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300304048140528,0.11088054496826427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204315759318892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729535964501632,0.11623936501472497,0.0,0.0,0.16870049535143522,0.0,0.0,0.10263312534971107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147618268341972,0.0,0.14821924821895274,0.08317821129544044,0.0,0.0,0.2428772858148684,0.0,0.0,0.075821015086062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338676720827686,0.24658876955147144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278436778240584,0.10994361877558162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244831098729314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238910138482576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944556186584414,0.11148545405600613,0.09266594716584528,0.0,0.10816634276195462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468058193812064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377253150229932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151029297703025,0.14850545575898186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023888116503236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776908795788269,0.0,0.0,0.2112854727421567
ptsd,echopts4,2018/03/01,"Have you ever asked for forgiveness due to your PTSD? I've had PTSD for 12+ years, but I didn't realize how much it was affecting my relationships until recent therapy and EMDR. 

Last year, I was in a relationship with a woman I fell in love with. But I was an emotional wreck. My PTSD was triggering so often I was constantly in a state of anxiety, and depression weighed even more heavily on me. The only glimmer of happiness I had was with her. But I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't express any of my emotions, even happiness, towards her. I was just dead inside. I didn't even discuss any of my PTSD / Depression with her. I was scared of everything. Of course, the relationship ended. Her call. It was a smart call.

The thing is, I didn't realize it was my PTS / Depression until I began going to therapy. I thought I was just a bad boyfriend, and was ALWAYS a bad boyfriend, because this happened with anyone I dated with or became close to.

I never treated them badly in the sense I was abusive, but I just ignored my emotions so much and my depression built up so much that I couldn't express emotions at all, let alone discuss my partners feelings or emotions. There were even worst periods of depression where I couldn't even get aroused.

Now, in therapy, all these emotions are coming up. And I feel so much regret. My ex? I honestly believe I could have had a very long, and happy, future with her, if it wasn't for my PTSD / Depression. And even after she broke up with me, she still told me she cared for me. I know my inaction (getting therapy and talking to her about everything) hurt her and ended our relationship.

I want to email her, and let her know what was going on. I want to talk to her and let her know I'm in therapy, and I'm sorry for how out of it I was.

But I know that isn't a great decision. I'm sure she has moved on.

But damn---- Maybe I just have to forgive myself?

Sadly, this didn't just happen to her. But a lot of past relationships, friendships and partners.

Edit: Grammar and spelling. Never enough.",2.7487010891488493,4.8783806766169135,4.233864461476404,84.05940096813231,76.81094527363184,7.629528035498186,27.282775312626057,8.524219190627866,2.1296651068979418,1600,66,311,33,37,531,172,402,0.213,0.6759999999999999,0.111,-0.995,0,1,0,0,0,0,65.0,1,2,1,0,25,29,1,1,14,0,40,3,1,5,6,74,64,32,1,9,15,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,13,25,1,1,12,0,0,5,12,17,0,0,27,2,66,12,51,29,10,45,0,10,0,2,43,17,1,5,22,243,79,1,0.0,0.07090378751589144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06197896647980902,0.0,0.0,0.0497939017352584,0.0,0.0,0.08139014584447468,0.0,0.04577948463644032,0.0,0.0,0.04184339165259378,0.0,0.04924542481249599,0.0,0.05594482547271345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989840872316074,0.036479540880332194,0.0,0.0,0.06742220516903619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221212946846438,0.0,0.06101359821062222,0.0,0.0,0.05154916799735385,0.0,0.06466867508244388,0.0,0.04777950869267405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092544636377396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038897467840063,0.10600570037159633,0.06183348301012676,0.0,0.23715314534810705,0.0541311280287988,0.0,0.0,0.10756548005975357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060516511822952236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253065835545314,0.0,0.06801994561285138,0.0,0.0,0.06597676341672719,0.0,0.0,0.10583736449604512,0.19111092951406888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406282416312689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155188254937672,0.04877976941335987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357957721126386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295888661663798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087610457785713,0.05401035302959164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601200131424432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360329583852767,0.17596501475635762,0.0,0.09230872443757973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551305299777991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057126607195479774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34976443912520294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059087424744706685,0.32124320171204324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599129600074845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669889782820668,0.0,0.0,0.04779043970538309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056401015514073935,0.0,0.0,0.0961985550541838,0.0,0.0,0.34217658639946,0.0,0.039756815976549495,0.0,0.0,0.04750840159410595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057182243034660137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04937647632667495,0.0705935235440672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707344482654511
ptsd,felinespaceman,2018/03/01,"Pelvic Exam/Pap Smear advice I'm 24 and I have never been able to successfully get a pelvic exam due to massive anxiety due to PTSD. I either have had a total meltdown before they even put their hands on me or refuse entirely. I've had multiple reactions ranging from ""My other patients got over it"" to ""we can give you a small dose of Xanax and you can stop at any time."" I have anxiety for months before I go in for my yearly birth control refill. It is extremely debilitating.

A ""small dose of xanax"" is not going to be anywhere NEAR the level of sedation I would need for something like that. 

I am sick of this being pushed on me and I am sick of people acting like I can just push through it like everyone else. However as I do work in the medical field and believe strongly in preventative care, this is extremely upsetting to me that I can't do this exam. 

Do any sexual assault survivors have experience with successful pelvic exams? This is a terribly traumatic, exhausting thing for me to deal with every year and I'm at a loss. Even if I get one in my life that would be an absolute miracle.",4.762638888888887,5.854478504629633,6.251000000000001,75.89400000000003,69.50925925925925,10.01925925925926,30.14074074074074,10.203070172399654,3.1670318518518528,871,34,163,23,15,297,129,216,0.155,0.743,0.101,-0.8908,1,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,2,2,6,5,12,1,1,9,0,25,10,1,1,2,22,35,8,0,4,5,0,1,3,0,2,9,1,0,0,12,8,0,4,0,0,0,6,3,5,0,1,4,2,23,7,31,26,2,28,0,1,0,0,8,13,0,2,12,115,35,6,0.16291165038496344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919537928759964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157101748061345,0.0,0.24925393327140224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772516309351678,0.18354564235129914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609928505980992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271926856554085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795475812033406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360917795302456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152032172458017,0.0,0.13726009177119813,0.15566906336823444,0.0,0.1593588543713055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022922679147587,0.1562796997196867,0.18517289042846224,0.0,0.1302953290753433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506931653678153,0.2387712101783379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411634858797094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003452506947258,0.0,0.0,0.12079692451442378,0.1256475079615587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039315048750196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129424258871732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904350013172225,0.1637712051366534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541734760946366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620143442264893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823126161422887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499509344026047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860162174864505,0.0,0.0,0.2314555245397649,0.0,0.0,0.2098195231592996
ptsd,bhippie950,2018/03/01,"Do I have PTSD? Hello guys, I just want to know whether these symptoms and the event was cause of my current mental state.

Firstly, I had a very abusive childhood. Physically and emotionally abusive parents who've ruined my mind completely. Because of this I grew up very awkward. I had depression and anxiety throughout. Yet despite growing up in this toxic environment I was a decent student but this still messed up my studies.


Now, recently I was wrongly accused of a crime which resulted in me being removed from my university. I don't know but this event resulted in some trigger in my brain which I think is PTSD that I have right now.

My symptoms are:

-Tinnitus.
-Hyperacusis.
-Brain fog.
-Memory loss.
-Mood swings and unhappy all the time.
In addition, as I mentioned I had depression and anxiety this is now 10 times worse.


One thing is that I'm quite over that event and will like to move on. Yet I keep continuing to have these symptoms persist? 
Why is it this? I don't care about the past and want to look forward but this thing just won't go away. 

Could this shock from a single event be the reason? Or is it the accumulation of events ranging from my abuse to this one which was the breaking point?

I can't function as a normal human being now. My brain feels dead and mushy. Thank you for any help.


",3.106413345690456,5.762630393574297,3.9257228915662665,83.9746640407785,78.39759036144578,6.8829780661105975,28.0508186592524,8.012643519586192,2.0642535063330247,1044,46,193,19,26,333,141,249,0.23,0.7240000000000001,0.046,-0.9944,2,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,1,0,4,10,12,0,1,11,0,26,6,3,5,1,33,38,15,1,4,7,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,21,9,0,1,5,0,0,6,4,8,0,3,7,3,25,3,27,25,3,41,0,4,1,0,7,14,0,2,22,138,46,1,0.0,0.3927429572649181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513798555076638,0.0,0.16905133757628726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381036912785116,0.0,0.0,0.06735457191101889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700350521362958,0.0,0.0,0.1126534130927896,0.11350517148992705,0.0,0.0,0.1158481995381551,0.0,0.0,0.08821844454322421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033227490647106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428802710322027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586780492597503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398398423099902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279484620151107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940392242965023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406010036009439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820989143932142,0.0,0.0,0.12144643983141624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398054897346461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278500315306716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134940949766664,0.0,0.11156488272278353,0.0,0.0,0.11743494188666195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825817677028797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497437533220563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268769681271965,0.0,0.10547660632579302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104450149030114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583172210884596,0.0,0.0,0.11752127437423678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360362900820298,0.10909699253232548,0.0,0.0,0.09435910794366373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882386271898202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34452881768773824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017256965671216,0.0,0.0,0.14681124027464806,0.07079846973393293,0.0,0.0,0.12885692433005175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233406151505627,0.13034145834232824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970136189434084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260024303979704,0.0,0.12080507243931365,0.0,0.0
ptsd,whaleislebeefhooked,2018/03/01,"Cannabis Am a cannabis patient in Illinois.
Have been weaned off antipsychotics(serequel) ,anti anxiety (xanax)

Sitting this morning my sister contacted me about the usual. Why aren't you doing this, why haven't you done this? 

I'm feeling like went too fast weaning (self inflicted) 
Struggling today and even herbs isn't making it all go away

Noticed was in an episode and took 20 mg thc and 40mg, now here typing this out trying to pick up pieces. 

Abusive childhood where my sister's have forgiven abuser and now do his ""work"" they began telling people that my episode of the events was fabricated and it never happened. 

My mother began raiding my Xanax stores and it got to the point of being led over to her house knowing meds were in my go bag. I'm sitting here just thinking I've walked into no man's land and all my progress is gone. My family doesn't have the drug supply they wished so I'm abandoned. 

Cannot drive so my dispensary trips someone has to take me, my family will not take me to my dispensary but will pay for my Xanax script in a heartbeat, knowing it just makes me sleep and I'm an easy target. 

Barricaded in my house it seems that's a coping mechanism in public it's bathrooms/closets, my support system passed away in 2015 and 2017 or the ones who I had opened up to. 

Sorry for this horribly put together rant, I'm just in a dark place and felt like a vent. I'm sorry if anyone is offended or triggered it was not my intention. How many others are suffering?",4.148940875582974,5.93357712110727,4.621853467729803,84.30621784263579,71.90657439446365,7.379028132992327,27.790130886114035,8.04050195162591,1.8155929291409665,1184,44,223,17,23,375,172,289,0.111,0.83,0.059,-0.9081,0,0,1,0,1,0,29.0,0,2,2,2,14,7,1,1,12,0,25,5,1,7,3,40,52,17,0,2,9,3,2,2,0,2,4,0,0,2,16,13,0,1,6,0,2,11,9,4,0,1,14,2,26,3,27,35,3,45,0,2,0,0,15,21,0,4,12,141,42,3,0.0,0.2994913978382571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668426981428616,0.0,0.0,0.08837141354063964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23748595857748875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933585632590267,0.0,0.0,0.14656661298156776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347617888316293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382892836979772,0.0,0.06390411342302857,0.09028955399625303,0.12134953371006142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436551509177793,0.0,0.10108172486204896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117619430038679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916629161971003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891591187613486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349076999922698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687260961529726,0.12813467335360246,0.0,0.0,0.1403853753031732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974759948764412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389029522568336,0.0,0.0,0.0856418272506139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761952788175588,0.0,0.1320455492583541,0.0,0.11947478837797118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270519520187624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505626530006575,0.13184724229256442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647639244283335,0.0,0.10708570087291874,0.0,0.0,0.2829555859897648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212516713458672,0.0,0.0,0.14342033488044115,0.0,0.0,0.1900517607628105,0.0,0.11046616432492598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098248080533736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979831462929673,0.0,0.1404185171002594,0.0858071994070344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391953526066897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171602711605974,0.2280858232167309,0.0,0.14533664911910835,0.0,0.0,0.09200987159606476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Shocktroop214,2018/03/01,"I feel suicidal I have no one to really reach out to, but I’m not sure I want to anymore. 

I am tired of this mental prison and I want to die and I’m fucking tired of fighting that thought too 
I am only typing this Bc I feel guilty of the pain I may cause to others if I do it. I have a child and I just feel like I’m going to ruin his life if I do it. 

I feel unworthy of anything good, I feel unlovable, and I’m so fucking tired. 

Please help me 
",-1.8069230769230769,0.02777149019608061,1.3523529411764699,99.34174208144795,93.90196078431372,4.314932126696832,16.669683257918553,5.873414542411696,-0.6387113122171946,340,9,87,3,13,120,57,102,0.422,0.46,0.119,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,2,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,3,0,2,0,7,7,0,1,1,21,22,8,2,4,5,0,5,1,0,1,5,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,6,0,1,1,5,16,3,11,20,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,1,2,3,1,55,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627680357267846,0.0,0.0,0.13506100467970322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860172766739825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033598182396714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41493300736259797,0.11725103179224244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034620918719945,0.0,0.0,0.09327609851788024,0.1376603793728503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000962077785978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115926439133017,0.08018325242712325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539953703974855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121544149087484,0.124824563648823,0.174640719127222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016011630202292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514276643596238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952626301390906,0.0,0.1546860007663778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029702707323532,0.0,0.5659131090286624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936105181353344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MollySPrentiss,2018/03/01,"I'm really struggling with a traumatic event. On December 23rd, 2015, I was at a restaurant with a friend when we heard a woman screaming. It was very closeby, in the same shopping centre as we were, then only seconds later, five gunshots rang out. We ran to the washroom and locked ourselves in there, calling 911.
In the morning, it was on the news. A man high on methamphetamine pinned the woman between his truck and a gas pump and shot her five times before promptly driving away.
I didn't see this happening but I heard it... Every last sound of it and I'm still scared all the time.
I live near a gun range and when I hear gunshots from there, I get uneasy, especially from the sound of a handgun. 
Firecrackers have sent me into panic attacks.
Worst of all, this all transpired in my hometown and the gas station this happened at is right beside a major highway I use often. I cannot look at the place. The last 2 times I was at the gas station, I had major panic attacks and urged my friends to get us out of there as promptly as possible. This still happens, two years later...
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ptsd,agentwasabi,2018/03/01,"I Keep Losing Jobs I keep getting fired from jobs since I’ve developed PTSD. I’ve always worked high end admin or IT jobs, staying with companies minimum of two years. Ive never been fired for my performance, attitude, or work ethic. It’s always some excuse after hiring someone else, “it’s a business decision” or on the lines of that. My previous, and most loved job was a long career in management for IT that I happen to get fired from for attendance after I went for treatment (after FMLA).  I worked there 3 years, and they wouldn’t make an acceptation after I got in a car crash. I was out of PTO, and that was it.  

My battle is a silent one. However there’s some times I can’t hide it, and have to leave or take the day off for breakdowns. I’m not perfect. Maybe I’ve shared too much, or not hid it well, and yeah it can sometimes my brain just doesn’t function. I still manage to get shit done. 

My recent job let me go without a real reason saying it’s my current skills. However they are willing to allow other employees with less experience than I to get certified, and pay for it. They didn’t even offer me a chance. 

I’m at my wits end. I feel like my best is never good enough. I’ve almost lost everything since this diagnosis. I don’t even have insurance. I don’t know what to do because my current path is not going too well for me. Any advice for me?

[Edit]: I work in Texas. They are an at will firing state. Meaning they don’t need a reason to fire you.",1.793299504094108,3.88534308026756,3.585549532925848,87.71983277591974,79.73578595317726,6.532164686887326,21.34713412524507,7.6298220110432995,0.8751772805904738,1147,33,235,18,29,384,166,299,0.142,0.777,0.081,-0.9446,10,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,5,10,10,13,2,0,11,1,25,3,2,4,3,40,46,11,0,2,10,0,6,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,16,9,0,2,7,0,1,5,13,4,2,2,9,7,34,9,36,33,7,33,0,2,0,1,11,9,1,9,18,156,50,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707623906327648,0.0,0.0,0.09947705903848493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653216622933395,0.0,0.0,0.06755623548464665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055820218808019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425371505941383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089896779662478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406762665756817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166176146239714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298782403952548,0.0,0.17597575192217496,0.10264725036984564,0.0,0.13122943051505362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928253937302771,0.0971759250364356,0.0,0.0,0.05023050003169769,0.07097022714090913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20760920561283194,0.0,0.11291714533244315,0.0833236880141578,0.0794531887216123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784815219070646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496069504211443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.492909993379355,0.17660017112153492,0.0,0.0,0.054595982497293895,0.0,0.0,0.10518925284515253,0.0,0.101584329974904,0.0,0.04853367642625976,0.0,0.0,0.08791489382792836,0.0,0.11113872967953968,0.10844395977401117,0.0,0.08966039045680597,0.0,0.06631182035228725,0.0,0.09980278872953184,0.10821299183859276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302809111962555,0.0736611274444458,0.15323795923178926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731697814113473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161259440859039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307339481141787,0.0,0.2042810558982391,0.09808863072594504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900106015345951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197354131480678,0.16435411214249473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417248926503597,0.0,0.0982521692534386,0.0,0.0,0.10588577559635907,0.07933496531191787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469311804567186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057927349662486936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704308531524286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864148805763458,0.0920913958275081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576252414770134,0.0,0.28928978812541656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794649117018328
ptsd,MatteAndMetallic,2018/03/01,"I don't want to dream tonight. I've had nightmares the last few nights, and when I'm not having nightmares, I'm having just generally disturbing and vivid dreams. My dreams always play out like a story or movie and mostly make sense. 

I've been laying in bed with my mind racing about several different things that I don't want to dream about, so I just took some anxiety meds and hopefully those will help me not have horrid dreams.  

Here's hoping.

Goodnight, all. ",5.6734082397003744,6.781003775280901,5.309606741573036,83.41512172284645,67.42696629213485,8.629962546816481,26.069288389513112,8.841846274778883,1.7582794007490643,372,10,71,6,6,114,65,89,0.111,0.643,0.245,0.934,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,2,0,8,0,0,1,1,21,16,7,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,0,0,6,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,1,6,4,7,12,4,7,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,5,5,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107327838345984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374336823899088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646030168446382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975498096141736,0.0,0.0,0.5030890685578461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644087418456594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373014644488478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905315746441368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131500103352597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25572061677590663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376675517402453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861119508178472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825483071566005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28138141311285714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987588684298821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,eight-sided,2018/03/01,"Around a 2-year lifespan for hobbies/obsessions? My dad has PTSD from the Vietnam war. All my life growing up, he would dive into specific hobbies/obsessions but tire of them after about two years. This included me -- according to my mom he was super into having a daughter until I was about two.

When he finally got a correct diagnosis, a doctor told us that the getting tired of things after 2 years was a known PTSD pattern... but I can't find anything about this on the internet. Is it really a thing? Do any of you have related issues with maintaining interest in specific hobbies over time? Is anything written about this? 

Thanks for any information at all. ",5.133801652892567,7.362904074380168,6.000074380165291,73.5964752066116,70.2396694214876,9.468099173553721,33.58760330578512,9.888512548439397,3.8767976859504127,527,26,85,14,10,173,85,121,0.05,0.8220000000000001,0.128,0.8984,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,1,6,4,1,0,9,0,11,4,0,0,3,13,16,4,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,6,0,9,3,23,9,2,17,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,8,66,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22409785869632035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27118256483183784,0.14667981324600154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686485939717657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049696424687212,0.15059636370198834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608527786094096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178124366591235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197657894931134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638159056519233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19297607998967028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852135220686477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555557891501463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516976440610142,0.0,0.0,0.21893110613053987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607843692138963,0.378756668125133,0.0,0.15744434521602285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219117741599541,0.0,0.198197454859888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704754534814832,0.0,0.0,0.3183185218942011
ptsd,DaDoubleYChromosomes,2018/03/01,"Tutoring someone with PTSD in college. (Non-Combat related) I need advice. I am a math tutor in my college, and I have a tutee tomorrow who is a flight case that exhibits stress level easily raises easily. I do expect some stress because we will be covering college algebra, but I don't wish to upset her. I worry that she isn't going to want to continue with our tutoring session because of the stress in her life. What do I need to be mindful of when I am helping her with her homework?  ",4.316205357142857,5.622442614583335,6.352321428571429,73.94625000000002,70.77083333333334,9.235714285714286,32.464285714285715,9.606745405546679,3.415841071428572,385,18,66,9,7,135,61,96,0.161,0.746,0.093,-0.7646,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,4,0,11,1,0,0,0,13,16,3,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,16,0,12,13,1,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,3,51,20,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014644418159544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513555226062443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716971050466575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818969300907274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562216397214128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817034839398926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057410972515333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409987112332175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17468500767717662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7084923373422087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160290107023985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23708238784630356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20937304868341192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Tearofthepyrefly,2018/03/01,"I'm losing my battle I have a couple of ""kinds"" of PTSD, due to some crap in the Army, and because of a very long abusive relationship. With this, I've been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, insomnia, ADD, and a bunch of other stuff I already knew about. However, I've been on medications, going to therapy, about to start grad school, et cetera.

So, things were going well.


Now, I'm spiraling back into not being able to get out of bed, being in constant pain,  being unable to sleep or sleeping for twenty hours straight. I can't bring myself to do anything to continue with what's been going well.


I don't think I'll graduate; I don't think I'll be able to keep my graduate school sponsorship, shit, I don't even think I'll be able to hold on to my job for much longer.


I am also trapped in yet another abusive relationship. Lovely.


On top of that, my only happiness died today.

The baby fish that I have been raising, in addition to my whole reef, just imploded. But, I only feel the pain of him dying, even though I spent hours a day caring for all my other pets and cared for them too. 

I feel as if I am going back to death being so normal around me that I'm not responding to it the way I think I should.


I feel like giving up; I'm back to seeing death all around me. I keep thinking about everything that I have seen, that has made me this way.


I feel like the darkness is closing in on me.


Thanks for reading, I just want someone to know.",4.032534246575345,4.846341979452057,5.2985205479452055,83.07901369863015,70.98630136986301,8.579726027397259,26.586301369863016,8.841846274778883,1.8592021917808217,1126,35,231,20,20,376,154,292,0.159,0.7340000000000001,0.106,-0.965,2,1,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,1,2,21,17,3,0,9,0,24,10,4,1,2,41,58,11,4,4,7,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,2,0,13,13,0,3,11,1,1,5,6,7,2,0,9,6,32,10,48,42,7,38,0,2,2,1,7,17,2,3,16,157,45,7,0.27111489296241265,0.2141512100833901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972734202763714,0.07227016065030947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476253473802544,0.06913405034738365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743681521406948,0.16089982295449798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847061776448209,0.0,0.05508970745080951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842798014904076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765962798736973,0.0,0.0,0.09999449079174362,0.0,0.058282225728422114,0.0,0.07783695334666058,0.0917253031443952,0.18758297024904444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193792199041473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122019473513377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277844796381848,0.12912302246910976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721544723943715,0.08669270319542377,0.20544112202093226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620228163981263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799570508773552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967989918364505,0.16065291589457406,0.0,0.09410814691219524,0.04966588496838576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830202810615048,0.0,0.0,0.07997604959453125,0.0,0.1011027389070273,0.0,0.0,0.08156392531023685,0.08551182233496818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103991064209473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643354706892382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854501065364978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746339533525687,0.19232357408881864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563960051642207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039608683426703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405062208356053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829218305408677,0.0720144894425073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927651805334057,0.0,0.0,0.1808737925971552,0.0,0.07657158966865688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396550555316388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034538962573725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320205600172112,0.10334783599990986,0.0,0.06003889600772401,0.28953246045123265,0.08878966860335766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856617392986685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456606004750722,0.0533035294046316,0.14346558844935875,0.0,0.0,0.16250989890861486,0.0,0.0,0.10089669864051026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheseusForgot,2018/03/01,"Can't sleep I have get these nights like once or twice a week where I get really scared and can't sleep for hours. I know it's just panic attacks and I can't do anything but keep breathing and wait it out. But it would still be nice to have someone to talk to. 
If it gets really bad I sometimes wake up a friend on the phone but i can't really do that on a weekly basis. What would really help me is like a chat room with other people who understand what I am going through while I wait it out.

Anyone here knows if there's any place like that? Like a 24/7 ptsd chat room or something? Not like for emergencies but just a place to get/provide a little support while we slog out the nightly terrors?",2.981774595267748,4.1604139520548,3.8110211706102137,91.37962017434624,73.86301369863014,6.952926525529268,22.17683686176837,7.348242739294969,0.5618027397260281,551,13,122,6,11,176,86,146,0.104,0.7020000000000001,0.194,0.9338,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,6,13,1,3,9,0,13,4,4,0,0,27,24,13,0,4,11,0,0,5,1,2,0,0,2,0,12,8,0,3,3,2,0,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,10,8,14,21,0,21,0,0,0,0,8,12,0,4,13,79,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283916131242012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545886291731344,0.0,0.11234539244596634,0.0,0.0,0.15531268057443465,0.0,0.0,0.11398957784166322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547601294981986,0.0,0.28530696524991417,0.0,0.0775881974125035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150734550235352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444597429250651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213463987219901,0.0,0.0,0.15005706548667214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334870410183201,0.13683020183866135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25623197208847925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539072234554673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017832314208244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946466755009848,0.0,0.2852713899319471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958608673507998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498361465951069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668163144634626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27323977573187924,0.0,0.11567404922556128,0.10510076180978528,0.13502305042867946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902608159660278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549227463767026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973064463802526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212348154890805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190182941302256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396162028527192,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Gow_T,2018/03/01,"Thinking about going back to the military I got out of the (israeli) army couple of years ago. 

One of the things that comes across my mind the most is that i should have never have left the military. Waking up and wearing anything that is not a uniform is really uncomfortable and overall I feel a high degree of shame since leaving the military.
 
I am seriously thinking about going back to the army and actually already started making a move and even have few appointments about it in the coming weeks.

Just wondering if you know someone or you had a similar experience of going back to the military and how it worked out at the end and really any thought would be appreciated. 


",11.579999999999998,8.504451920634919,11.095142857142855,60.39985714285716,57.57142857142857,14.524444444444445,44.24761904761905,12.688352899677879,5.571297142857144,546,24,92,14,5,180,79,126,0.062,0.912,0.026,-0.5256,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,9,2,0,1,14,0,11,2,2,2,1,27,25,9,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,6,0,0,6,2,2,0,1,3,1,7,0,17,19,2,23,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,4,9,74,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.16155720166673873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146753976423579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269338447858746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125826612807594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13623715558604615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819033170780832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28522089300789905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318278197862667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466320490636557,0.0,0.0,0.1093471122225344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194395934788106,0.0,0.0,0.08370927317755908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822651225579734,0.0,0.13240896816333786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749173010151671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098436229739328,0.0,0.0,0.17529819325313614,0.17987532750905794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050883987354217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671627381322399,0.0,0.0,0.17595811476764933,0.0,0.0,0.12768575051423753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218393822773112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21211676106887656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369483009576789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027369613035312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718024828289178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998697938795286,0.21216113471304446,0.0,0.131431691863042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327977443666017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953667224905984,0.12052556657004783,0.0,0.0,0.11760508760176995,0.0,0.0,0.10661159827909672
ptsd,LilUziVertsAutotune,2018/03/01,"Mental health discord I have been part of a mental health discord for a while now and I love it if you can endure jokes come join us  

https://discord.gg/EZpGuzH",3.4712068965517235,6.678898103448278,2.2926724137931025,91.53831896551728,85.20689655172414,4.279310344827587,17.594827586206893,5.985473137389443,-0.2472827586206896,131,3,23,1,4,37,24,29,0.16,0.5920000000000001,0.249,0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411674810502349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951853871491033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25268188211008896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5642834131996672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031778590600139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367668077837835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DiscreetTroll,2018/03/02,"Military PTSD Yolo Fam,

I've been out of service 8 years (2010 ETS) (Radio/ OIF 07-09 ""P.O.G"").  

How have you come to cope with this world?  I try to sensor myself or adjust to the desires or norms to an desired civilian or civil world.  

I just find it more comical as the years go by.  

This is what you call life?  This is what we fought for?  For disrespect, disingenuous people and society?  Such things are to be expected, but in gross?  

What is the world I fought for?  A liberal for certain, an I am a conservative, like a far right conservative.  Even so, I'm conflicted over what we allow in society.  I'm even lenient and these generations are absurd.  I often hearken back to our fore-Fathers and just wonder what they would think.  

I mean, I try to reform and improve myself, I present myself under some reserve, but, I apparently dress like a punk ass.  I should dress nice...

I came from a realm of mutual respect.  As far as military aspects, don't ask, don't tell...  People are very intrusive or presumptuous.  

Very normal things, bu,t being mocked is not one.  

People often try and push me, it's absolutely absurd.

You see a military war veteran there, please do not antagonize them.

I'm not going to lose control.  I'm disgusted on numerous experiences.  It's not foreign to see veterans be persecuted in any era, yet, something I had been unfamiliar with.  

Why do you want to push a killer?  A disciplined killer is all you can pray for.   

Make with the mead halls, whores and training.  I'll live on the battlefield.  Bunch of eunuch cravens this age.

I'm not going to gut or neutralize someone for making fun of me.

However, nevermind.

**Edit**  

Regardless of conditioning, antagonizing someone is wrong.  

There's room for literature.  God speed, humor or else.",2.4336343026891782,5.22240361890244,4.2028048780487826,79.91017510944343,82.9329268292683,7.754346466541588,25.17854909318325,8.617729084823388,2.3573838961851155,1369,55,248,36,39,459,193,328,0.168,0.701,0.131,-0.9711,2,0,1,0,0,0,75.0,3,5,2,2,15,16,5,0,15,0,24,4,2,5,2,56,45,19,1,8,15,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,15,14,0,5,5,2,0,7,7,9,0,1,6,2,27,7,39,34,4,31,1,1,2,2,15,16,1,10,10,157,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575786019404724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164140991793416,0.0,0.0,0.10827672167980604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143786104401636,0.16105288108579902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129817365464696,0.0,0.0,0.15793406893199405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763142802696742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601168893522566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377424093736103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287007883520101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400822989621525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946058515092383,0.13758851329083105,0.0,0.12434070748842348,0.0,0.0,0.15753404348908762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798791782736984,0.0,0.0,0.15338694451105914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796711849597829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954187239013564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928665982867571,0.0,0.0,0.1545706977827307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460319079216526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025377311186385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244199085865092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23862127311869166,0.10840494370475184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307701473156532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871001746731156,0.0902274650702994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868089249780606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23237140899092795,0.08305532184516755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706208455620516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270599722328745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002971513166388,0.15395721821101652,0.0,0.18135827323560336
ptsd,thowitawayidontcare-,2018/03/02,"I don't even know I don't know if I am posting in the right place, I don't even know if I have ptsd 

Long story short I was sexually abused as a child by a man who was meant to be a family friend, he went out with my mums auntie 

Anyway today I was playing on my PlayStation and I could feel him, I could feel everything he did to me, this doesn't really happen to me, the last time it happened was last year and it was because my SO was doing the same thing that monster had to me and I cried, my SO was scared and stopped straight away, luckily a massive spider ran across my leg so I didn't really have time to explain. 

But today I was just playing a game and I freaked out, I was on my own and I just cried and right now I'm really fucking drunk and to scared to think about today 

I don't know if I want advice or just to sound off 

But Now I'm drunk on wine and laughing at top gear like everything is ok 

Sorry if this doesn't make sense 

I can't spell ",0.279285714285713,2.0999394047619084,2.3014285714285734,96.37357142857144,83.52380952380952,5.523809523809526,18.57142857142857,6.655083550727371,-0.15699999999999958,745,18,180,8,21,249,108,210,0.139,0.757,0.105,-0.7972,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,12,10,1,2,8,1,27,5,1,1,0,37,45,20,0,7,10,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,7,12,3,1,9,6,0,2,8,4,0,0,15,3,28,6,22,27,2,31,0,0,0,1,10,16,1,5,13,121,35,0,0.0,0.15388575367263208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691656627224568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202589452035335,0.0,0.0,0.07917322668754946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739613391265765,0.0,0.28533266407144664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715681290864249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23345431249979046,0.0,0.12243866194039554,0.0,0.13134177112085227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100344438819765,0.12007133653890192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22970370374852905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855131058919413,0.211737957678768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345247426174055,0.0,0.0,0.11493910926603546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669545321887193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569624378802653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438848457607075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182197230466415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24961205036487166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218324556535846,0.0,0.0,0.2600637096697725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538926299790386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085849253642473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628604767840152,0.0832214226048592,0.0,0.0,0.15146734944320228,0.0,0.3693312208999716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660618674672855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203994288862704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363802245839594
ptsd,athrowawayjaneway,2018/03/02,"How can I help my friend? Hi,
Im trying to help support a friend who is suffering quite badly with complex PTSD. I'm not sure if this is the best place to ask but she's happily moved out of the bad situation and is struggling to compute that her new nice house with some good friends is permanent. Does anyone know anything that I can help her with? She's about as sweet as you can get and the look of sheer terror when she had a flashback made me want to cry. We are getting personalised necklaces made for the four of us so we can show its something a little more concrete for her, but I'm struggling to find ideas to help her in the mean time.
Thank you for any suggestions <3",4.5900639488409265,5.1260594532374135,4.695203836930457,88.90852917665869,69.57553956834532,7.904396482813749,28.394084732214232,7.793537801064563,1.4696852118305357,540,18,117,6,9,168,93,139,0.15,0.596,0.254,0.9476,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,3,2,0,2,4,16,0,3,8,0,10,0,0,3,1,23,23,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,6,0,1,3,2,16,10,20,20,3,8,0,1,1,0,23,4,0,2,3,72,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946619808850489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733311814804534,0.0,0.11455120061301807,0.0,0.13013486938910349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324553364378305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608367549421014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290661415709414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181641194938155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722790110577326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32264083972346075,0.0,0.1454543648879644,0.0,0.0,0.11675584504498596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732160639252354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606201595302123,0.0,0.1571418610283552,0.15036180486373213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650165546500673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951674883577314,0.0,0.0,0.1168944326962364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634321717862757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163154209898022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794945782251728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444194235922766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543622798311862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271942657042193,0.0,0.0,0.14805822310586447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564686281741642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716432769100186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29104783974349185,0.0,0.0,0.15796452540991193,0.13119602617969914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815829268471693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116967482177287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450886823256437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744259666342032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210481388135264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,puppies_and_unicorns,2018/03/02,How do you find a therapist you feel comfortable with? You don't get much to work with online. At best maybe a few ratings and what specialties they focus on. ,2.8805376344086038,5.2346600645161345,3.6658064516129047,87.18537634408602,77.38709677419354,8.004301075268819,23.23655913978495,8.841846274778883,1.7617655913978505,126,4,25,3,3,40,26,31,0.0,0.7759999999999999,0.224,0.8176,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,1,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,5,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,19,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322999824463264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20828652743547807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765007912666368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152188434987068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138437061094945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028193526831269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782878581746737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998933185672276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,acialjonny,2018/03/02,"“It’s in the past, just move on” I die a little more inside every time I hear this...

If I knew how to “just move on”, I would hope I’d have done it by now. I know it’s in the past. People still have scars. Should they just move on and magically their scar is gone?

/endminirant",-0.02349999999999852,1.7219489833333341,1.879999999999999,99.395,84.16666666666666,5.333333333333334,13.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-1.0686666666666669,209,2,54,2,6,69,42,60,0.07,0.878,0.052000000000000005,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,11,3,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,7,1,7,6,1,15,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,2,5,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040647581985326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173281887799796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17893083956447944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393563645473323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093127549565813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671296877134175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285047821477607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6771469327931707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054622886368008,0.14723058119564375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959891379158354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383462377473545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086151696871913,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Kylo-raven,2018/03/02,"Share your story, help spread hope. Hi everyone, I am currently working on a youtube channel. I plan on posting videos of people sharing their stories. Mainly about the struggles they have gone through in life. How the found hope, or how they're still hanging on. Each journey is different and there is no level to what you have gone through. No one's story is less than another. I am looking to reach out to those who have no hope to show them that even though so many people have gone through awful things they are still here! If you're not comfortable appearing in a video audio can be submitted. Or the story can be typed out to share on the additional blog I will create. I don't want anyone to feel pressured it's only if you're comfortable. I'm reaching out to people who have gone through so many different things. Depression, anxiety, trauma, homelessness, addiction, and so much more. I'd love to hear from you. So, the stories will be posted on youtube. People will be speaking on the stuggles they went through. It can be as personal as they choose. The length of the vido is up to the person telling their story, it can be a few sentences, or and hour long etc. Whatever they are comfortable with. They will send it to a email account i created just for this. No personal information will be shared I won't use names or locations. No identifying factors. They don't have to show their face in the video it can just be audio of them speaking. The goal is to show others that people have gone through awful things but they are still here. It can be a inspirational video speaking about what helped them through, it can be just sharing their story no matter how dark it is. Anyone is welcome to submit a video. The email is. shareyourstoryspreadhope@gmail.com",3.9724559009843112,6.475281287009068,4.04609687164994,85.07173959653058,74.49848942598187,7.171269856739111,27.293733554234482,8.155646560271837,1.9097207094825064,1410,55,259,24,31,434,152,331,0.08900000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.11,0.8469,3,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,3,15,3,20,18,0,2,18,2,45,4,1,4,0,36,63,20,0,6,11,0,1,0,0,6,2,6,0,3,20,9,0,0,5,10,1,10,10,4,0,1,7,8,25,14,44,40,7,32,0,1,1,1,43,14,0,10,6,195,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276280775720442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276242845537215,0.08956138555246107,0.0,0.0,0.16372190130063385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083577273254632,0.0,0.0,0.2446350863554124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056859706672652,0.0773263557325482,0.0,0.0,0.11186934400535332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919619553068579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836573578243735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195104811341232,0.0,0.1569446369961115,0.0,0.0,0.3488430683786623,0.11529443081912633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269291712550311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360691694913307,0.09831277953808748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056639691320894,0.0,0.0,0.2373895754687689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860629529553179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933245733295223,0.08904014799588003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058222880317508,0.306673831850162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424929988055414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280486643536947,0.0,0.0,0.1223912954780942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232794592760468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23333654052407404,0.0,0.11502473387430436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011144550834288,0.0,0.0,0.0690533524989083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852888724298657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523135770147755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hamofdestiny,2018/03/02,"I'm hurting, and I don't know who to talk to. NSFW for details of event. Hi guys,

I've been lurking here for a little while now, reading your stories and learning what I can about dealing with my own trauma. Some backstory-I was completing my EMT ride-along training almost a year ago this month, dealing with fairly benign calls majority of the time. However, we received one call towards the end of my second shift, a traffic collision on the freeway. Mom and dad in the front, twin boy and girl three year olds in the back. Mom dad and girl are ok, but the boy is pinned down by the collapsed structure. We extricate him, I start CPR because he's not breathing and paramedics have yet to arrive, but it was too little too late and we lost him. Having to accept that in that moment a child died in my care, and hearing the screams of the mom, it broke something in me. I hear her screaming nightly, I wake up crying and shaking, I have freakouts in the middle of the day where I can't do anything but shiver and relive the moment of realizing that I had failed over and over in my head. I see a psychologist weekly, she tells me to find support groups, but there's nothing that I've found that is either too difficult for me to get to or at times I cannot go. I'm hurting, I can't stop reliving it all and losing my shit at the most inopportune moments and I don't know what to do. I just want someone to talk to, who knows how to manage this or weather the storm, or just to listen. I'm sorry if this post is too long or breaks the rules somehow, I just need someone, anyone to talk to because I'm lost right now.",5.874922086720865,5.288220929878051,6.302642276422766,82.33151761517615,66.83536585365854,8.630352303523035,32.24661246612466,7.594959193182576,2.047578726287263,1267,46,260,11,18,411,183,328,0.175,0.769,0.056,-0.9913,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,3,1,0,4,17,18,1,1,20,1,19,4,4,1,1,49,40,24,1,3,14,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,15,18,0,1,8,1,0,4,6,13,0,3,7,6,31,5,42,33,6,50,0,7,1,0,36,20,1,9,24,175,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949039219274102,0.0,0.10720703606271058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486017556939671,0.0,0.0881028282329608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232399891544842,0.0,0.1305278911263099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21864435714670305,0.0,0.1091567507741615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225237387353612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760247898471275,0.0690460738176121,0.22075225268879745,0.0,0.0,0.1111133578794187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482507306123993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785264456048144,0.0,0.0,0.11738785637631548,0.0,0.0,0.05593542824902696,0.0,0.06084574970732839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600812142755564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987640523699127,0.0,0.2413331032650967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292239742007525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17651527460825242,0.0,0.12077049580680844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460831649986845,0.0,0.09474641976914272,0.0,0.11977488996843708,0.2337414398585665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761688390020852,0.08545579374368631,0.0,0.0,0.07938504839896296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047034833031383,0.0,0.102728788451992,0.0,0.11234346296838564,0.0,0.07254791982156739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025357134690665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709088073378653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914302846785026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085314479531968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989751030887834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814264148809172,0.08242148755085235,0.0,0.11984704101057657,0.07577896971170119,0.0,0.0,0.08950854922104505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149258475348568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581569192813774,0.09357682676467384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485731935201097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314788737068865,0.0,0.08587860493216054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788871751498485
ptsd,r1Zero,2018/03/02,"PTSD and Driving So, when I was younger, I was at a party and I went out to my car and when I did; I was attacked and raped. What resulted was a crippling anxiety and PTSD. I tried to drive but started having flashbacks and panic attacks that would result in disassocating. I stopped driving after it happened one day and I almost hit someone.

I know I did the right thing at the time but now I want to drive again. There is so much I can't do because I don't drive and it has impacted my life in such a way that it feels like I am in my own personal prison.

I have been to therapy but it doesn't seem to work. So I am asking, have any of you overcome this situation? How did you do it? Any advice? ",0.8040816326530659,2.819537435374155,2.9217959183673483,91.56963265306123,82.80952380952381,5.824761904761906,23.40544217687075,7.03164865440522,0.757981768707483,541,20,121,7,15,183,86,147,0.152,0.802,0.046,-0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,10,5,3,1,5,0,21,2,0,3,0,22,30,17,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,9,0,1,3,0,0,7,3,4,0,1,9,1,21,1,13,19,2,24,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,10,94,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118793867267887,0.0,0.0,0.17542163609076933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382624792368509,0.0,0.13401540683446356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377354628498356,0.3985945565154012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679064107070962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129792938930291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857837759165073,0.12515160258181085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491477868161288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627663570103236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373775665196092,0.08558613419502795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878051832869716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870932410291593,0.0,0.0,0.20554087225865714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296405583486405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095618286474168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496063198423453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948108448933965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691434154983709,0.0,0.0,0.14843297463179822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399625375636353,0.0,0.0,0.146461806287436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033836029272215,0.0,0.1163845750963105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215129548878447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189385487416742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332815946671696,0.13905303613904454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623974761828681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753615865764514,0.0,0.0,0.1244458046385406,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Joekerr99,2018/03/02,"Having trouble with PTSD and can't get out of my situation... Without turning this into a long winded rant I have a bit of a problem dealing with my PTSD.  I'm 38 and have been suffering with PTSD for a long time now, only had it diagnosed in the last 8 months or so. 

The problems I have with my PTSD are several.  I'm kinda stuck and can't get out of the rut I'm in, there's no help available and the future outlook is fairly bleak.  Again, without going into too much detail, my main problem is not one (or a few) traumatic events, its more that I lived in a constant state of trauma for years. As a result of that extended trauma (which I escaped at 19 by moving to a different country on my own) I have had a few relationships in my life with very abusive women (mimicking the behavior I was used to when I was a child/teenager) but they all ended terribly. 1 or 2 bringing with them their own unique set of traumatic events (which themselves were quite similar to the traumas I had experienced when younger) so I have LITERALLY relived my traumas and also had my greatest fears realized.  My parents have passed away (so no resolving issues from my childhood with them) and although I stay in touch with 2 of my 3 siblings (the other one being a huge source of my traumas) we're not that close and all of us have similar behavioral issues that I think all have the same root cause.  As a result of circumstance, bizarre events and I'm sure my own nature, I don't have any friends. At one point I did have a few (even though we wouldn't exactly go out and do things together, I was never 'in the circle' ('the' really meaning 'any')) but after one of those traumatic events I mentioned I lost the last few that I had (mind you they weren't that close anyways).

I don't really have nightmares, I do sometimes but its only once ina bluemooon.  I smoke a lot of weed too and I find that is my solution to insomnia and bad dreams.  I get TERRIBLE daydreams (daymares if you will, flashbacks really but I'm away in space) and just about anything can trigger them. I could get like 5 a day at least. Maybe there are periods I don't get them but no period stands out tbh as they seem to always be there.

I'm unemployed at the moment and I can't get a job. This is where it all gets tricky... I live in a place with a small enough economy (national economy that is) and unfortunately at this point in time (due to a number of circumstances) there are no jobs in my field anymore. I was an academic. The courses I used to teach are now given to PhD students so the universities can save money. I had the problem of unemployability before (because I'm overqualified for entry level jobs) so after my redundancy from academia I opened a small business and ran it for nearly 5 years.  Again, without going into detail, the business went under because of purposeful interferencefrom 'loved ones' who wanted to see everything I had go to shit. They achieved their goal. 80k later I can't try to open another business because I was left with debt to the govbernment through tax and needed debt forgiveness from the property owners who rented me the shop space. So I can't even TRY to open another business (which was my only option after not being able to find a job.  14 months later I'm still looking for a job and every now and again the social welfare service decide to cut me off for 'a laugh' as I say, and discussing this shit with them just makes me relive the trauma of neglect and abuse I received when I was younger.

After my bills and rent I am left with 12 euro for the month to buy food, pay for transport, look after my daughter, etc. So no therapy any more.  What's worse is that I need a very particular therapist.  My academic background is in this kinda stuff (I'm trying to stay anonymous) as I would have taught a lot of therapists in my time and I have a detailed understanding of these concepts (on an academic level) so it causes problems with 'typical' discussion. For example, if you;ve ever heard that your brain is 'wired' to be like such and such, lets say I get what is being said BUT there's problems with this (and at a high enough academic level there's no argument here) but your brain isn't 'wired' at all. In fact, my PhD thesis actually covers this type of analogy and demonstrates its shortcomings for an understanding of the human mind.  On a lay man's level this doesn't' change how a therapist deals with a person, but to me its no good, it just doesn't suit my needs.

So, long story short, I'm stuck in a corner and can't get out. I can't leave where I am because that means leaving my child (although she lives primary with her mother, one of my worst abusers whom the courts have ordered I pay every week after she wiped out my business and all my finances on purpose).

I have no money, no friends, can't move, no therapy, no way to retrain,  (no money to do so, not entitled to funding because I've already got a PhD but it can't be used). I'm fairly fucked and I don't see any future. I just need some advice.

One thing, I apologies in advance, but if you are going to comment, please don't say anything like 'you'll be ok' or anything like that. I find it just makes me feel worse, like its dismissive lip service. In saying that, I'm not looking for anyone to kiss my ass or event just agree with me and say my life IS fucked and there's nothing I can do.  I'm just looking for the end of a cycle and I can't see it.",5.268009811665905,5.654141642525534,6.094703363405813,79.99724816031267,68.04363974001856,9.103945453789553,30.93070857412104,9.051173356166817,2.4917955320888607,4267,160,837,72,67,1407,424,1077,0.173,0.76,0.067,-0.999,17,0,1,0,2,0,121.0,2,6,11,6,49,42,5,1,61,1,89,15,6,12,11,158,155,72,0,17,33,3,2,5,2,4,4,7,2,5,48,63,1,1,14,2,16,14,41,26,0,7,28,17,109,16,136,114,28,137,0,3,7,5,56,66,5,15,55,593,157,26,0.04729377689807537,0.16810617626577198,0.04615190404318618,0.0,0.0,0.046214931427194836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218985884128858,0.0378208162986199,0.03935221100467442,0.0,0.0,0.1286455602536193,0.09918329739600763,0.0,0.0,0.046902718465942884,0.03306890844221885,0.0,0.11675624608850195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886812042335372,0.0,0.039488328247512174,0.14414923716049996,0.0,0.040243520789000634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05163255539187272,0.0,0.0,0.10559099201869553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716747308948763,0.05003054502713571,0.0,0.0,0.05110777140476791,0.0,0.03776023252346219,0.0,0.0,0.030500573582714345,0.09751561463828176,0.0,0.048002188025363664,0.0,0.04941193089119174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377649759001568,0.09773422791833493,0.052745062786683235,0.06247418720589173,0.04277992882413519,0.07969409360100077,0.0,0.04250459715565163,0.0,0.0,0.05321864746297514,0.023913154618664997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967696585749364,0.0,0.05718782275254448,0.0,0.07307810942833401,0.08744466932100525,0.22238141805528933,0.0,0.1343907164834627,0.039667776224058725,0.037825153754131736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03170002174474865,0.049968471901349586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872483154520308,0.23465888010924654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710148077649691,0.0,0.10015456210551933,0.10276965395896498,0.04836109112970066,0.0668099865325145,0.1155267524572739,0.0,0.12528381438947933,0.12556051291928855,0.15885944540921232,0.0,0.05162674422710837,0.08041495575455436,0.04268448012284323,0.0,0.06313792664332299,0.0,0.047512955609782886,0.10303357537558408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550646545351407,0.0,0.1132483245332793,0.10053160050553657,0.03476636771179957,0.14027094525060702,0.036475876312659215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04537965445391981,0.0,0.0,0.05036632889454766,0.224332410390916,0.10790714541058068,0.0,0.0,0.052514142404159504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041295101781385464,0.04941193089119174,0.051914364979430666,0.08941581173662429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715225439642424,0.2211355773414395,0.0,0.0,0.05030275323717006,0.0,0.0,0.09089281352182876,0.0,0.0,0.05077581718661802,0.0,0.0,0.044987211996005166,0.1880495481127984,0.0,0.0,0.11306105112548855,0.04305447825796968,0.0,0.0534285062564357,0.09709276471207688,0.0,0.05316018676501151,0.0,0.048210049701824235,0.0,0.0,0.046774754650940525,0.0,0.0,0.1008177470722033,0.03776887132266511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414005961130808,0.0,0.0,0.04457382502757665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816911115295133,0.1647351604386044,0.06283976778929022,0.030303942597273325,0.046465895678738184,0.0,0.08273214490724055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632811020623283,0.05144204851519575,0.0,0.09846897931104108,0.056888590479223476,0.12253991545818235,0.0,0.07804463789182277,0.027895094953992238,0.03753959875757774,0.037936215110989865,0.0,0.0,0.04384180500059122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676853974214112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639279815907068,0.033596142183643936,0.0,0.0,0.060911283469953524
ptsd,ColdPhotojournalist,2018/03/02,"Just diagnosed with PTSD. Support and any advice/info would be appreciated! My LTR recently ended (~6 weeks ago) and I have been seeking treatment for what I thought was depression. I (f/26) had been very depressed throughout my LTR with my ex (m/26), but had never really gained much from the therapists that I had seen in the past. After the break up, I began to seek help, but this time was more vocal about the treatment I was receiving. The therapist I have been seeing post break up has been incredible, and I think my life is about to be on a major upswing. Today he identified that I have PTSD (verbal/physical abuse in childhood) and that there are ways to treat this. For once in my life I feel like there is hope.

Has anyone else been treated for PTSD from childhood abuse? What treatment did you use and how effective have you found it to be?",6.2791304347826085,6.903463527950313,6.153596273291927,79.62020807453419,65.8944099378882,9.42136645962733,30.385714285714286,9.3871,2.5528827329192554,672,23,126,12,10,211,98,161,0.108,0.763,0.129,0.3928,0,0,0,0,2,0,27.0,0,2,0,2,6,7,0,0,6,0,25,3,0,3,1,20,35,8,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,16,3,17,5,20,15,3,23,0,2,2,0,6,6,0,1,13,90,25,0,0.0,0.33478465611410496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523517093176498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607445858062326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878545262424616,0.1447568712433299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433665226452301,0.14339505276762454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802034565992728,0.0,0.12513112200489174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143482848265131,0.1009296343852124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154904960301281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946962311055745,0.0,0.0,0.1403217697443292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957885126344976,0.0690217069102345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385620609497977,0.0,0.10896295406024856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150457358021452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486664263610598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353060794761555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49544222491878703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050684512043312,0.0,0.13949581444708511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258094723748938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603215579455445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280712539088863,0.0,0.090525778647986,0.0,0.11215962113905976,0.08238083007302419,0.0,0.13391582481403486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201956039991152,0.0,0.11656984222067965,0.0,0.1121405703813755,0.11332536685140272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036043729229037,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,prarus7,2018/03/03,"Not sure if I have PTSD? Memory problems. My mother passed away when I was young, around 9 or 10 or so. I dont remember crying during the incident almost as if i blocked it out of my head, and cant recall anything from around that time period, I'm 21 now. I have extremely bad long term memory, like i cant even remember a lot of things that happened last year or a month or 2 ago. I've read that PTSD, especially during growth years can have lasting effects on the hippocampus, where memory is controlled from.

I have very bad memory and only recently did I realize how bad it was, i thought everyone just generally had as bad memory as I did. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Just looking for personal opinions, I'm thinking of seeing a therapist eventually.",5.496938775510203,6.625836551020412,7.160687074829934,69.9063367346939,67.84353741496601,11.594285714285714,33.067346938775515,11.407655852321104,4.349166530612243,611,27,107,21,10,212,96,147,0.151,0.7929999999999999,0.056,-0.9304,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,10,7,0,0,5,0,15,1,1,3,1,29,22,14,0,3,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,6,1,0,2,4,5,0,0,6,3,12,2,14,16,2,22,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,9,15,70,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971873413597968,0.0,0.13523878030788852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443408949126797,0.0,0.22227867627888548,0.2404564227451215,0.0,0.0,0.12688928108472922,0.0,0.4510634912672575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514764577445682,0.0,0.0,0.1483523507708336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828428101047132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920301974593316,0.0,0.0,0.1290515142959689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11942931435052455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860611742100512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201768512643548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598139578297949,0.0,0.0,0.1195200494174926,0.11341277797632207,0.0,0.0,0.1148195311833584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780017562819677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271594988038568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792543270632112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923007049768204,0.3157457848488258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509225349783138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333512159453334,0.0,0.3059835736036169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762191156704154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728840412066106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681008350990838,0.08972500960219416,0.08653824277778739,0.0,0.1072191443029642,0.07875206796968677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114351012200432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739428927410835
ptsd,positivelypositive1,2018/03/03,"Terrified to start treatment and finding it hard to accept my diagnosis. Any advice? Hi guys, 

18F in first year uni here. I've strongly suspected I had PTSD for two years or so, but the diagnosis only came about two weeks ago. I've never seen a therapist before or had resources to help with it in the past. My home life isn't exactly an environment where I can get support; my boarding schools for the past four years even less so. I have dealt with my traumatic experiences all on my own before and I almost have a sense of pride in that, coupled with a deep fear of reaching out and an even deeper fear of triggering another attack. However, the disassociation is getting worse and worse. I can feel myself entering another dissociative period right now, and midterms are next week. The nightmares are getting bad again and I can barely sleep at night. I know something must be done. My parents have agreed to pay for a private therapist. I just can't bring myself to reach out and find one. I guess in my mind that means accepting that I do have PTSD and that what happened to me will always be a part of me. I've dealt with things by pretending they never happened before and it's really really difficult to finally acknowledge and accept that I need help. My question is, how did you guys finally accept your diagnosis and take that first step to healing? How did you come to terms with what happened to you, and how were you able to finally face and process the events which cause you pain? Thank you so much.",5.5421875000000025,6.827648288194448,5.964194444444448,77.95025000000003,67.85416666666667,9.648888888888887,30.71944444444444,9.888512548439397,2.987228611111111,1209,47,224,28,20,389,163,288,0.14400000000000002,0.738,0.118,-0.9267,2,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,7,1,4,14,14,1,2,13,0,24,5,2,5,5,52,43,22,0,2,4,1,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,13,22,0,0,12,1,1,5,4,6,0,6,8,3,31,8,33,31,6,39,0,0,1,0,15,11,0,5,23,156,44,3,0.09197707419491903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898789324006216,0.08153212669470034,0.0,0.09210175374537076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653229385996332,0.0,0.0,0.06254756448081224,0.1928919638444136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046372001382744,0.0,0.0,0.07679701506780166,0.0,0.0,0.2347971471247823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051972699068396,0.0,0.09448579144932176,0.0,0.07923010521219258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177088316476718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412448065948499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149998009859532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899712275794348,0.0,0.20699955923606952,0.04650637231481144,0.0,0.0,0.30226916692999545,0.16813075901792424,0.15647130464737602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441626751593121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132311681273744,0.18214352813595047,0.24400506885484402,0.0,0.0823933923401269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330058807868008,0.0,0.09226050476974117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054819456923219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064966127589111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018999780152406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287062522035347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761373255106122,0.06819983507825711,0.14187677965177173,0.0,0.09781866186345292,0.08631425343405043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062326045859866876,0.06995270957093437,0.09787009180929652,0.0,0.10212965614058378,0.09960220825264868,0.17560504948385586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503255542588684,0.0,0.10303537304060796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117845737873706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854791880826557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930857095068936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204349893791,0.0,0.0,0.07080844530852719,0.0,0.0,0.06510184651856653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437449381875216,0.0,0.0,0.06915531310646146,0.0,0.0,0.08468013240904196,0.0,0.21358494454535049,0.06110548113764881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969647339368364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755692189514766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746499285180795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177690660584088
ptsd,Desirai,2018/03/03,"Had my first panic attack in 4 months while at work My brain has been triggered by triggers completely unrelated to my traumatic event (an accident that killed my fiance) ...
Does this happen to anyone else? I got overwhelmed at work, the hyper vigilance I assume, and it just felt like the world was crashing down on top of me. I began having a panic attack, which terrified the customers and my coworkers. 

It feels like every time I take 1 step forward in moving on and recovering, something drags me back 5 steps. The depression has really been hitting hard since I took this full time job. I left a part time job I enjoyed and my family and pets, moved 3 hours away to take a full time job in an attempt to be an adult. I've been pretty miserable since doing this. I keep trying to make myself just keep moving forward. I didn't make a mistake, I got myself out of my comfort zone.

But the depression is really pulling at me.. and I just fell apart.

thanks for listening, reddit",5.23198683669272,6.447806604278076,5.92160427807487,78.22819827231594,68.5187165775401,8.962402303578775,28.28835870012341,9.265573868473778,2.454920526532291,773,26,139,15,13,252,116,187,0.201,0.6940000000000001,0.105,-0.9724,3,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,5,4,15,3,4,12,0,12,1,1,4,0,21,28,8,1,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,7,7,0,2,3,0,0,10,1,10,0,1,11,4,23,5,20,15,3,38,0,4,0,0,2,19,0,1,15,90,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962839881668145,0.11668477056701484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591126626090551,0.106995157513655,0.08756763082590521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271291073699189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940229537179005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19617146056449727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965822545999788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513314868777224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594984182321308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735708163883774,0.0,0.057581767969969874,0.08135676828669965,0.10934383279995184,0.0,0.0,0.09686730989437103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821624341607208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070478917876094,0.0,0.10201520703168003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112150064782715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33902862425345603,0.20244572661152366,0.12599270006530638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373228172915952,0.0,0.0,0.11127322614518803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520332009747934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089890550831316,0.36311315171114095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672301556324464,0.0,0.12332226659343315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585814457472295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591045477723674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884074485487395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767132900562483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712490136289843,0.0,0.0,0.10484652948281784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656202271747841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652622870816116,0.07731787488703773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658137729607276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thouxanbankitty,2018/03/03,"money ... feeling trapped i've been through abuse, death and a couple of car accidents. all in the past 4 years. everything felt like it came crumbling down. i guess we met so i could realize how horrible i really am.

i want to escape. i faced up to myself. i completed probation. it's not the drugs i need. it's to leave my environment and everything i know; it's to get a fresh start. i'm only 22.

the issue is money. if i lived in a better town i'd have more preferable and tolerable job opportunities. if i had money i could buy this and make more things to try to make more money. if i had money i could invest into more money. i need to escape.

but being in this town and working any job reminds me everything of the past. and waking up everyday to the same room and same people. i don't know how long i can take it. i hate it. i have no idea what to do.

seeing a ptsd counselor, therapist, doctor, chiropractor ... on top of the dermatologist. it all costs money. how am i supposed to earn money when i can't even hold down a minimum wage job in my local area? it makes me even more depressed and disconnected than when i isolate myself in my room.

i want to save up somehow. drag myself through hell, i guess. to save up to move away and make it somehow. i kind of don't trust myself though. i wish there were a comprehensive program for young adults who need training or mentoring in any field or subject and that invested in the youth in order to gain in the future.

i'm so stressed in this situation i feel desperate. like i'll do anything. and i believe that's what begun this whole fiasco in the first place.

please, any advice or anything. thank you ...",1.5671352074966514,3.9436080963855455,3.538594377510041,86.11842034805893,82.49397590361446,6.5804551539491305,22.174029451137887,7.793537801064563,1.1749073627844708,1296,43,261,24,36,437,171,332,0.145,0.726,0.129,-0.8981,6,1,1,1,1,0,49.0,1,1,0,7,13,13,2,1,15,0,19,4,2,7,2,57,46,26,1,13,8,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,19,14,0,1,8,0,13,3,5,4,0,1,7,4,38,9,42,35,10,45,1,1,1,0,5,28,1,10,15,177,57,9,0.0,0.12166456002603927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034228527987894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948732003358372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16900149210688878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964756412746673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569047599943305,0.0,0.0908162588708692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174439235727228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766293805577648,0.0,0.0,0.2459560951684693,0.11361865032159275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844216830716206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510212572342716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190816338073224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564453135925933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27685911988537626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384092364036136,0.0,0.0985934002429882,0.0,0.0,0.08734354019170162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053648509504867284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262375135332579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013798670823607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159185099943305,0.0,0.10717613231475537,0.30569611462225393,0.0,0.0,0.10693029737706956,0.1128656343455554,0.0,0.0,0.10872825440307456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033310010023624,0.0,0.09067245769710314,0.09087271449692393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27417129709279897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091375690285393,0.0,0.2284181773641932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809632972252208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604830076702665,0.07118863103494036,0.0,0.1072836399968358,0.1127169479651001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003290117438295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578243829173176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182639892728827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542188771414146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726807482146697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762495917624545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720610348838453,0.0,0.0,0.0945382613786726,0.0,0.11922483314292495,0.06821914164654468,0.0,0.100887181177065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971616038575845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113217479040618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464378317916092,0.1180823195481872,0.0,0.0,0.07475567329538586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612557017783546
ptsd,grayghostsmitten,2018/03/03,"Headed back to work.. ... on Monday and so many thoughts and questions. 

I have been off of work for a while due to my PTSD, from a trauma. I am going to be going back to school on Monday. I am an elementary school teacher. 

We have emergency practice drills (ie. Intruder lockdowns, earthquake, fire drills), and we have them without any warning or head’s up. I realize this is the most efficient, since in real life we won’t know until the emergency happens... Although I am really anxious and scared about these, because of my anxiety and PTSD. I feel terrified, just thinking of these.

It makes me want to ask my principal if he could give me a head’s up, before these happen. Like even just to know what day, or morning/afternoon, etc. 

I feel uneasy in thinking of talking to him and making this request though, because I don’t want to appear to be weak or needy. I feel very  strong  and confident in my career. I’m struggling with this though. 

We have these drills at least once a month, if not more. 

I think I’m mostly scared about these, because just going back to school is going to be really difficult. I’m going to get through each day moment to moment, like I did before.  Before I took time off, I would tell myself I just have to make it until first recess... then I just have to make it to lunch.. On and on. 

Since as a classroom teacher, my day is full of daily routines and procedures, it’s comforting to know what to expect. I feel like I am constantly on edge, and knowing a schedule helps me feel like I have some control. Knowing when we have drills (ie extremely loud noises from fire alarm, etc.) would really help me. 

I’m terrified in general about going back. I am reminding myself to be strong, that I am safe, and that I will be safe. 

I am in the process of healing. While I’ve been off, I’ve started medication and therapy. 

Any advice for starting back to work? Thoughts or experiences welcome... ",3.181547092547092,5.286323845945944,4.21840294840295,84.78875102375105,75.4054054054054,7.187551187551187,26.34725634725635,8.101407402915765,1.7601801801801795,1493,56,284,25,33,484,171,370,0.121,0.769,0.11,-0.6748,0,1,0,0,0,0,69.0,5,0,1,7,18,17,0,4,10,0,32,8,3,5,0,68,72,29,0,8,13,0,7,4,0,4,4,1,0,0,16,19,1,3,17,0,0,8,4,7,0,1,6,8,40,10,55,56,9,51,0,0,0,0,17,17,0,11,30,201,56,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778686060917148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837893887842433,0.0,0.060959860875287465,0.0900229250432892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449600633542719,0.0,0.0,0.30636952875491885,0.0,0.14572822878106084,0.0,0.20342171488445085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611266525436101,0.08937504852821207,0.06362308850188654,0.0,0.0,0.1541733640971826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777427506904039,0.05263210097043428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794856806646472,0.0,0.0,0.20145913451635727,0.11385592838784735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778119221495649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163284344571156,0.0764424346489287,0.2717256291262473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093280136994735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534363930728265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682419859171716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896774619074566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056284845218139035,0.15572295623672708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127651037189875,0.08078947977721435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027564216119626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636049064757415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486339163250252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18629822259924184,0.0,0.08926698017561792,0.0,0.0,0.09070054345929117,0.15314740223836298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955993107776095,0.24194060563774425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183479027896208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280485664430236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330550380242302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404889197724609,0.06964940648162303,0.0,0.09112831770538604,0.0,0.0,0.1531794398213334,0.15658292311896635,0.12652416577353487,0.04646576769280311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853449773358239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574960708470041,0.09400218041155484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768148245457378,0.0,0.17403789620864651,0.0,0.0,0.11321383289384247,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,goatgoadgoat,2018/03/03,"ADA/Employer Questions Not sure if this is the right place to post, but I need some advice. Thank you in advance.

My employer knows that I have PTSD, and is willing to accommodate me. I haven't been feeling well so have taken some time off and want to come back with suggestions that they might be able to implement. So, two questions:

1) They are considered a ""small business"". I know that small businesses are still required to follow ADA standards for customers, but does the same go for employees? I haven't really read anywhere about my rights except that I can't have FMLA.

2) I feel safer to wear a heavy coat at work, I know it looks unprofessional and my boss constantly asks me to take it off. Is it unreasonable that i request an ""accommodation"" to be able to wear it and is it considered harassment if I make them aware of why I'm wearing it and still ask me to take it off?",4.850503875968993,5.9962229651162815,5.436046511627908,81.61806201550391,69.34883720930233,9.221705426356593,29.449612403100772,9.516144504307137,2.5079868217054258,698,26,140,15,12,225,104,172,0.087,0.8640000000000001,0.049,-0.7519,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,3,3,7,4,1,0,5,0,17,3,3,2,1,31,36,11,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,1,7,1,0,4,4,1,1,1,2,3,20,3,21,30,3,20,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,7,5,96,33,5,0.3098127313795533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137270773314646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289633082195344,0.0,0.0,0.1191134334161262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334381176947394,0.0,0.1673987498160391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555960451070068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566506258165158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803685744009829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25539746229496896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008233301428293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034012019655688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433117434687014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486110734753685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618441820065424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835747825632842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18107725189985274,0.0,0.3470611631195521,0.0,0.15494828555230064,0.0,0.09923698446506088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645783798101338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474168474811313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599741642107886,0.0,0.2329406173272754,0.0,0.0,0.14261696920055314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032714755770288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132101050363098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136778796937267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927942626174708,0.0,0.13977890089114536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127736791480685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,keexity,2018/03/03,"Do I have ptsd? **To preface my post- I realize that this type of thing requires a professional diagnosis, but I kind of just wanted to get some feedback on how I’ve been feeling**

A little less than 10 years ago, I got in a head on car crash. My boyfriend at the time was driving my car, and forgot the e-brake was on, resulting in failing brakes. We hit the car in front of us head on, and had enough time before the crash to realize what was about to happen.

I’ve noticed that after that crash, I have a hard time riding passenger and often “flinch” every time we get close to stopping behind another car. I feel a lack of control and overall anxiety when I’m not driving the car.

People often make fun of me for the subtle reactions I have when riding passenger, like “chill I was going to stop!”, and it just makes me feel shameful.

Do you guys feel like this is an after effect of the crash? Do you think I’m experiencing PTSD? I know it’s a minor situation, but it really hits me hard and I do intend on getting help to work through it.",2.5929047619047623,4.370568004761907,4.300000000000002,85.01333333333334,76.09523809523809,7.142857142857142,24.523809523809533,7.984000788550335,1.3718095238095245,811,27,165,13,18,273,116,210,0.153,0.7809999999999999,0.065,-0.9544,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,2,0,5,8,6,0,1,14,0,14,2,2,7,0,39,34,11,0,2,5,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,9,0,6,9,0,0,11,1,2,0,0,8,7,21,4,29,24,4,35,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,3,14,109,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452482536628272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730290430315876,0.10746490087631663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195360034852593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755745818629227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515080663951682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183583501601523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841185739018704,0.10035715208908214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018108292171376,0.0,0.07983659898039765,0.0,0.11235268739757408,0.0,0.0,0.13909480809729785,0.12422378686548792,0.0,0.2516804898493303,0.0,0.28834087983163753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415910525400056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462856961042445,0.07720275867308718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372604187071806,0.1407953569860825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187539640451914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993456167372475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738940881209647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453861077847593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284213536185681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899934818567528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790259266173054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348909556986549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332700710826672,0.0900123079915722,0.0,0.0,0.3276542332971979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689771326283805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285726751207696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022692910615816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046290247977078
ptsd,Reannon0426,2018/03/03,"Husband combat PTSD My husband is ex infantry. He did two tours in Iraq and has been out of the military now for almost 10years. He has handled his ptsd as best he can on his own and the only way it affects him now is anxiety and ED.

We have been married almost a year and I just wanted advice from some other people who have combat PTSD. 

I have a high sex drive and he knew that before we even started dating. I told him that sex was important to me and I wanted sex regularly. 
After many tearful nights and frustration and arguments over the course of our relationship, he’s just now admitting that his PTSD is the cause for his ED and he can’t get out of his own head. And essentially, has trouble initiating and pursuing sex Bc of his lack of confidence and anxiety. 

I can’t live in a sexless marriage. But I posted on here to see if anyone, anyone at all with combat ptsd could give advice at how I should handle this in a loving way and encourage him. 

The problem isn’t the sex. It’s that he refuses to do anything sexual unless his dick is working. So Im suffering from lack of sex along with him. In my mind, he should still play with me and get me off and have some form of intimate encounters penetration or not. But this has been an issue for him. 

How do I encourage and cope? Thanks ",2.9748986013986034,4.785379503846158,4.5860139860139855,83.23262237762239,75.11538461538461,7.9580419580419575,25.279720279720287,8.710501217029153,1.8567307692307693,1021,35,203,21,22,343,137,260,0.118,0.792,0.09,-0.6096,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,3,0,0,2,11,10,1,0,11,0,26,9,2,4,1,53,38,25,0,9,8,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,24,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,7,1,28,6,34,28,9,26,0,1,1,8,36,13,1,6,9,151,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22526784870892286,0.0,0.0,0.2308390117058751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635215790041414,0.0,0.0,0.1611895037790201,0.0,0.09485184249424036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808054531999603,0.0,0.1209616809322368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184071194708664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202833461637072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613029662220992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044059280584317,0.11057102257073023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182933589352513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178196332739336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450410083666658,0.12030489784115535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177957092369044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402959296477003,0.0,0.0,0.11685885507113565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163830354503464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816676202459446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766290372790123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990903197512676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039034204765634,0.0,0.0,0.11029137385168143,0.6736829180844377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374960592645487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918498955975272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158392918402388,0.0,0.09204938889095013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611892435006097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101389851025239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259545730233705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359705150642994,0.18298122256954266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391302657233521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422576083982663
ptsd,JJSings,2018/03/04,"My PTSD made this episode worse but it also helped me realize that I’m more likely to be aware of danger when it is present. I won today’s battle but know there are more to come. Two weeks ago I had an opportunity to ask myself some hard questions while leading worship at my church of 27 years. 

A man entered and put a bag against the wall instead of with him at his seat. I was on stage leading worship and yet something about the whole situation felt wrong. I was triggered and began to ask myself:

Who is that?
Why did he put a bag there?
What’s in the bag?
What does that red hat say?
What’s going on?
Are we safe?
Is there a bomb in my church?
Are my loved ones and myself in danger?
What do I do?
What if I’m wrong?
What if I’m right?
If I’m right, how many will get hurt or be killed?
What can I do to protect?
Am I willing to die to save others?

Today was my first time back with my faith family. 

Today...I sat near where that backpack was. 
Today...I reclaimed my sense of safety...family...peace...
Today...I was still...at least my body was...my soul was fighting battles with fear, anxiety and panic and reclaiming territory that had been lost two weeks ago. 

I took a picture of the spot that had held so much power
I sat near the end of the aisle...feet from the spot.
I then stood in it and reclaimed it as safe and known.
No longer will that space hold the memories of the imagined explosion but rather the courageous feet standing where once my heart feared a bomb would be found. 
I stood with courage and said “not here...not today...not now.”

 
This is what I wrote while fighting the battle for my mind and soul. 

I’m in the space where I was scared
I’m worshipping the same God who carried me through the panic
The person who triggered my fear is just one row away. It wasn’t their fault and yet just being close is a step of trust and faith...not in them God, but in you. 

My church family surrounds me 
My God is with me
I’m alone with my God but not without others
I feel their presence and know...

This space is safe
This space is holy
God is good 
He loves 
He cares

I’m a courageous warrior who did not let my fear, anxiety, ptsd or anything steal my hope or shut down my voice. I needed to celebrate that as well as thank the part of me...the warrior me...that survived this imagined trauma as well as all the other IRL ones. 

Thank you to...the me that survives!",0.9385476356860032,3.173271606995886,2.0442511064523683,96.7387526205451,83.95884773662551,4.820187902787484,19.25211584750369,6.065201188426455,-0.24209561301343285,1835,49,411,14,53,579,222,486,0.194,0.617,0.19,-0.5349,1,1,3,0,4,0,86.0,1,2,3,9,21,46,8,7,26,0,41,5,3,6,1,70,78,36,2,7,18,0,3,1,0,4,0,3,0,2,34,22,0,6,10,0,0,9,6,22,2,6,28,7,48,24,49,41,9,59,9,2,1,2,28,28,0,9,21,264,82,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390493032147136,0.0,0.0,0.0840678246369851,0.0,0.06491176192321457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418992780854378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667961402463758,0.0,0.15176631829506115,0.0,0.0762620540754272,0.06241485645226471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901617691159326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275840605559355,0.0,0.0,0.06992092094333002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424182951918811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103256965738403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189268501486963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304003948545458,0.3653560670628028,0.04104208082617305,0.0,0.07793609994676798,0.0,0.0,0.06904331183738761,0.0,0.08899891042090648,0.0,0.0,0.04240806776581199,0.0,0.04613088265566116,0.06808169411122443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271253593110504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618705160482936,0.05440665923783712,0.0,0.0,0.0806203015790408,0.0,0.0,0.08689435422015701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898027754598447,0.0,0.08921801395663044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300200632826013,0.0,0.039655648847232064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860683766529484,0.0,0.14651850926080034,0.07680518492114223,0.0,0.08229382020530032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195874064030244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966942030084151,0.06018665839309185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644359033225048,0.16500903969293798,0.0,0.0,0.1904714292964667,0.0,0.0878993926659941,0.0,0.0,0.07087466844352644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897671884684297,0.16319689624230074,0.09092917589146662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863777680332212,0.07721142694586497,0.06454978338112433,0.08126550830809252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123868083222644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062488768546728336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482260890531931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494611884658253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733098347405448,0.0,0.4616390258924794,0.0,0.09018305426084547,0.0,0.0,0.15858293859770647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021964116846876,0.0,0.14596347611794747,0.0,0.07324346032153779,0.09062360484683778,0.0,0.07824515491002709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827193458201799,0.05766096547849338,0.17749369440361878,0.0,0.052270933284738974
ptsd,RiderDB,2018/03/04,"My Story at 15 (depression, anxiety, PTSD, dysthymia) **trigger warning**

Right, so I'm 15 at the time of writing this and I guess it'll be an account of my life and experiences with mental illness so far. I never really post on this site -just scroll through and take it all in- but now I feel it's my turn to contribute.

I've lived most of my life so far in a happy home with a happy family, we moved around a bit when I was a child and I lost quite a lot of friends early on in my life. I started feeling down and depressed when I turned 12, and it rapidly progressed downhill from there. I would go into these long lasting states of just deadness inside and it turns out I will for the rest of my life.

I was roughly 13 when I started cutting, just tiny scratches at first but it got deeper and deeper as I tried to feel more and more pain. Soon it was deep enough to scar so I've ended up with fucked up thighs for life. I guess the reason I started cutting was a mixture between a few things:

1) I felt that I needed to punish myself for feeling like shit when I live a perfectly comfortable life. 2) I felt that I needed to feel something in life, even if it was pain. 3) A small part of me was hoping to hit a vein and bleed out.

The suicidal feelings started coming in when I was about to turn 14, and by the time I hit 14 I wanted nothing else but to die and leave my life. So one day I went out and bought a fucktonne of sleeping medication. I checked the lethal dosage online and doubled it for good measure. I went home one day with the intent to take them all and lie down to die in my bed. My parents had gone out for the night but what I didn't know was that my sister was going to come home early. A while after taking them, my sister walks in to see me dying. She called an ambulance etc and the paramedics reported that my heart stopped twice on the way to the hospital. I made it out alive but in the process a doctor saw my cuts.

I got referred and eventually diagnosed with dysthymia and depression, with the complication of a double depression included. The reason I'd go through long periods of feeling even worse than usual was my dysthymia piling on top of my regular depression. My parents were relatively supportive once they knew what I was going through. But would punish me when they found my blades.

I started taking drugs for self-medication like weed, coke and MDMA. I knew that these were definitely not the right drugs to take for this reason but I also wanted to escape from my depression so badly, even if it was short lived. I also kept cutting for the same reason: stress and pain relief.

My first flashback came about three months after I OD'd. I'd just took my subscription meds and boom it was suddenly a load of sleeping pills I had ingested. The world started spinning and warping and I felt like it was all happening again. I screamed and my mum helped me until I passed out. I went to the doctor the next day and they referred me on to get a diagnosis for PTSD as well. I get flashies about once every couple of months now and it gets more and more terrifying each time.

About a year and a half before GCSE's (finals for you Americans) my anxiety started to show. I would be super stressed about every little test in school and had a baseline amount of stress building up as I got closer to my exam dates. I attribute some of the reason I cut to stress relief at this point too. I told my mum about this too and wahey we came out of the doctors with yet another diagnosis. I felt like I was overreacting to everything, like I wasn't really entitled to all of these labels.

I opened up to barely any of my friends, as I wear such a strong mask when I go to school or go out with them. I come across to everybody as a really happy relaxed guy and it's so fake. I have an extremely ironic sense of humour and my friends seem to get along with it. So it's generally easy to be extroverted around them, especially with the alcohol that is usually associated with our meet ups.

I opened up to two people, one of them is my best mate he just took everything in and offers me support when I ask for it, but generally stays away from the topic. The other person is a girl who confessed her fucked up brain to me, and I impulsively did the same back. We talk about each others feelings a lot, and I think that helping her is one of the very few ways I can feel any sort of happiness.

I try to find positive coping mechanisms e.g. making music. But they're never enough. When I see on my Soundcloud (www.soundcloud.com/daudi1) that people have listened it gives me a little boost, but it is short lived.

I still cut pretty much daily, but have cut back on the non-prescription meds.

I guess that's about it... thanks for reading if you've made it this far and check out my soundcloud if you want to hear my angst :)",4.2194448461839755,5.394735755717252,5.0083060652625875,83.98779068366028,70.86070686070687,7.988454005845308,27.039742083220343,8.366724835079683,1.7177496580192233,3815,126,766,58,69,1236,396,962,0.142,0.715,0.14300000000000002,-0.0367,2,0,4,0,0,0,98.0,4,2,8,10,50,56,12,4,54,0,40,34,8,11,7,159,131,78,6,13,22,6,15,5,4,5,23,4,4,4,46,72,3,2,28,3,4,20,5,29,1,10,48,22,118,27,146,73,29,143,1,7,3,2,46,62,3,15,61,536,164,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04606719882955125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894369657412154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058627108955717086,0.04520039379174329,0.06595193572562855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674694834483728,0.040298286045152835,0.0,0.040499500864843614,0.06629169810630818,0.03599170493069363,0.0,0.0,0.036680026475954926,0.0,0.04523708187688773,0.0,0.04706058172009487,0.0,0.0,0.04812054595291137,0.04401603999917314,0.0986035484493444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139599237968176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769596310701048,0.0,0.08339940129082002,0.0,0.2227627797765207,0.04375167711855237,0.13421165042685435,0.0,0.0,0.13236243601162376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997853691661353,0.0,0.03600952722616458,0.0,0.03817911665552436,0.0890800307072378,0.04807457850507545,0.08541330862142912,0.0,0.07263731914979228,0.0,0.0774817768650712,0.04216593408522951,0.04063649534909375,0.0,0.1961611744214928,0.03079493113665045,0.1655540588547404,0.047220510051447895,0.0393980981096998,0.07333187392787342,0.0,0.04726349812184035,0.09991075343648834,0.07970159476584028,0.09008441212239812,0.04135119785616582,0.14698878056663328,0.036155263098610765,0.10342740500511803,0.0,0.14245833850818074,0.042681711743072566,0.0381184886420548,0.18354853110693964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858358873315775,0.05108081111746165,0.0577860790551672,0.0,0.1297164816170672,0.0428139788930282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023689927298722203,0.03513713885826572,0.0,0.045643024239596486,0.0,0.0,0.24357631010660685,0.10529705790483668,0.08640706182849557,0.1522535317890889,0.07629489746289428,0.0,0.0,0.04705528512394142,0.07329435020372248,0.0,0.08157586865052842,0.028773586101678388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364312726254433,0.04342475455267193,0.04344070389246601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881358722757974,0.04581485038979337,0.0316878658511941,0.06392509756509376,0.06649200083148203,0.0,0.045843714256295125,0.04045205582754402,0.0,0.041361364368855465,0.0,0.0,0.09181295478767376,0.11683895006100113,0.0,0.13760345227598422,0.0,0.09572821144779724,0.04667959147513578,0.0,0.05976853817345185,0.03763849178629698,0.0,0.0,0.04074909796119043,0.0,0.04128362720442834,0.043854293366541716,0.0,0.0,0.10077720180333416,0.0,0.0,0.04584853125120033,0.04311765966831957,0.0,0.08284441174853542,0.2216007085766504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362456767808594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725113565620983,0.06869979344709318,0.03924207851223573,0.04496895340877733,0.0,0.04424768398042395,0.0,0.0,0.08627425041551681,0.0,0.0,0.03318510059141834,0.0,0.0,0.2135745137736948,0.04594525478080539,0.03442450294907942,0.03603854162253084,0.19751108457825484,0.0,0.0,0.047150961677927865,0.09783234362685674,0.0,0.0,0.16205171656216166,0.03464696561252725,0.0,0.039686208330721104,0.0,0.0,0.028637707400640987,0.027620580779244674,0.0,0.0,0.07540635625597515,0.0,0.0,0.04118962508227157,0.09578469209389412,0.058532281527896725,0.18754777559427308,0.04210829315281118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495032610843718,0.03556695994850435,0.07627509731266142,0.0684310641478976,0.0,0.0,0.038757465943860224,0.11987906649173233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04392869111904926,0.09186378532189614,0.0,0.0,0.027758847220108924
ptsd,Cutteone18,2018/03/04,"Tearing down the walls So I was diagnosed 6 plus years ago due to a lot of possibly triggering events for others so I’ll leave that out. But now today I finally found someone who is kind and loving and just wants to know when I’m hurting. But I have all these walls and built in protections because I’ve been hurt so often. And I’m slowly managing to open windows for him, but I just feel like it’s not fast enough and they don’t always want to stay open. So here is what I ask if you have survived domestic violence, how do you let your walls down enough to successfully communicate? To make a healthy relationship? I am slowly managing to ask for help, but it’s hard to explain why I’m so afraid to or why I wince and walk away if he slightly raises his voice. ",5.503012820512821,5.295505839743591,6.222564102564107,81.32243589743592,67.52564102564102,10.01025641025641,30.794871794871803,9.725611199111238,2.5744794871794867,605,21,128,12,9,199,103,156,0.077,0.7659999999999999,0.157,0.9328,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,3,1,2,12,7,0,1,3,0,10,2,0,3,1,32,23,21,0,4,10,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,7,10,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,3,13,4,19,19,4,21,0,2,0,1,14,10,0,5,10,82,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466297244831526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763788113575026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092799306836109,0.0,0.15541210370789807,0.0,0.0,0.10083497248858134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789195018562333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418342121493562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363839918915021,0.11817195099412195,0.0,0.18120319136144994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813681530600232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817864942127654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087366410965173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541586849034324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225345430116526,0.09090732872161282,0.0,0.0,0.17514977382903768,0.0,0.1691472459251212,0.0,0.08081303193268982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062925359349246,0.1492927907098113,0.0,0.11041527554143214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864796778045396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17759296649614353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015493083785652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763095482265248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567933380880268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513118401870672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29852120794328035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065213336179205
ptsd,zucchinidog,2018/03/04,Fire alarm The fire alarm went off in the middle of the night tonight and I can’t get back to sleep. Feeling safe and relaxing enough to sleep is the hardest part for me. My dog is at the end of my bed.... which helps. Trying to calm down. Suggestions?,0.12932773109243811,2.5046888235294134,0.9024089635854368,101.56941176470586,92.13725490196079,4.4829131652661065,17.089635854341733,6.18269132825596,-0.5117305322128849,194,5,45,2,7,59,38,51,0.155,0.644,0.201,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,3,10,5,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,4,28,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339730097500667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695023083936328,0.31440321320140513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538534208542072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897406189567204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039528813473884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28554674334545554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32950625261783073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6090007228741836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065865631418642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820711772799391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MrsR35,2018/03/04,"I can't get it back. They took parts of me that I cant get back, and now I don't even know who I am anymore. I hate who I've become. ",-2.048921568627449,-1.290703735294116,1.3241176470588236,105.75519607843138,86.35294117647058,4.533333333333334,14.274509803921573,3.1291,-1.6762431372549018,99,1,32,0,3,36,24,34,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,1,8,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,22,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31711580676823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4917511083598599,0.0,0.0,0.3531495848549621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119833696176266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341226033770907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156966095815636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573162762295572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34626871088552136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3552649113433873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BigCatDriver,2018/03/04,"Constant Fear of Someone Taking Revenge on Mw I don't really feel comfortable going into detail about it but a person I was seeing had an abusive ex and she had called me one day when he was harassing her and I went over and the ex assaulted me and basically attempted to murder me. I called the cops after it happened and the ex ended up going to jail for a little under a year. I was generally fine mentally after it happened but as soon as they got out of jail it all just hit me. I had left the area they had lived in prior to their release and was a few hours away from where they were. The day they got out of jail all of the anxiety in the world hit me at once and I've been struggling ever since. I started seeing a therapist a couple months after my anxiety started to become disabling and they diagnosed me with PTSD which was something I'd always suspected I had (have experienced numerous other traumas throughout my life)

I've had thoughts about the assaulter finding my old home address which I then verified to myself was something they could easily do after searching my name and the address came up. I've visited that address since their release and after that I started worrying about them placing a tracker on my car and following me. I've had worries about them using my cell phone number to track me. Hiring a hitman to murder me. Having their friends watch me. Basically I've come up with about a thousand ""what if"" scenarios in my head as to how this person is going to murder me. 

This ex is someone who is mentally unstable and violent. This constant fear of someone coming after me is starting to make feel insane and I can't escape these thoughts. I'm in therapy now with a new therapist and I like them they're helping me so far. I've only been in a couple sessions so obviously I'm not getting extreme results yet but I'm working. I just wanted to know if anyone ever had any sort of constant fear of being followed like this and if anything helped you and if you ever came out of it. ",4.319242424242425,5.86319021717172,5.678707070707071,77.85972727272728,71.07070707070706,8.108282828282826,30.624242424242425,8.648137234880735,2.6149945454545453,1610,69,284,28,30,541,191,396,0.203,0.7509999999999999,0.046,-0.9973,1,0,2,0,2,0,20.0,0,2,12,2,18,17,7,4,21,0,28,3,1,4,6,59,63,31,3,6,10,4,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,17,27,0,0,7,0,0,12,3,12,0,2,24,6,50,5,56,35,3,67,0,0,3,0,33,25,0,5,32,215,67,3,0.0,0.10197933652763054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161745853062615,0.0,0.0,0.05853081594016635,0.0,0.13168722386669934,0.0,0.0,0.06018241716411725,0.0,0.07082859640289438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086596364761084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505798234726816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577498065289626,0.19688319100623336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828403771077214,0.0,0.2790345400469807,0.0,0.06872020193565813,0.19047049649431236,0.0,0.11101656084639754,0.0,0.0,0.08735963297913414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623281753192165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335667831834184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29055934955849644,0.08703954952036934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866677616981768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649776896727091,0.0,0.04496822578269058,0.0,0.14674735653626572,0.0,0.13767670538660756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522235213276954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833305033243187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538233480476158,0.0,0.0863356178301898,0.0,0.08476199551964589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047302034811396464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351572939241852,0.0,0.0607940610929802,0.0840992888791325,0.0862651411932033,0.07600173029270968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745265294687998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347741610535267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870056327086352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312731795061402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031639456625752,0.09166215515861807,0.05832352304655016,0.06546040924852177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030668741815095,0.08992523726551835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006116787060288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05513889509586708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13717391278551655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239663027120691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187814836507782,0.1325223808077817,0.0,0.0,0.2436842570976279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997945837672586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471422087043198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984289908306675,0.19986871080503188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666054928220256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433718114449664,0.0,0.0,0.050766545387706766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978811282457997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266026822197136,0.17481731579429016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542650853135593
ptsd,Duende29,2018/03/04,"At random times of the day, I feel weird, like I don’t want to be around the people I’m with even if I love them dearly. I feel uncomfortable and sick and I don’t know why. Can anyone shed light on this? I have depression from my C-PTSD.",1.6455769230769235,2.6158039423076933,3.3223076923076924,94.39769230769234,76.88461538461539,6.7384615384615385,16.846153846153847,7.1686216300943375,-0.35101538461538473,183,2,46,2,4,61,41,52,0.201,0.606,0.193,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,10,11,3,0,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,8,3,7,10,0,5,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,2,3,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23839812006504105,0.0,0.0,0.3035151789402403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21988265550795624,0.0,0.2936572134060809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22519232542101844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447861677004221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737559416293426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656951741335127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307718043824148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23636977039403206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985488817223216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988089794305018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010994166223332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30765170143708426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NorthernFish,2018/03/04,"Complex PTSD: how my family almost died and now is making history. My mother has complex PTSD. She was emotionally abused by her ex husband; a family lawyer who she put through school, broke up with her at the doors of a hospital before undergoing major surgery to go see his new girlfriend. Her surgery did not go well. The hardware in her back had caused an infection and she needed to go under the knife again. I sacrificed my teenage years to care for her. This was her 5th time she had complex surgery. 

Her ex husband, knowing her personally inside and out, with his legal education in family law, took advantage of her health and emotions resulting in the loss everything. She was too unwell to represent herself at court because of her surgeries and medication. He lied to the court about her having any illness or hardship. She was illegally taken to a psychiatric ward. While in hospital she was served with legal papers. She lost her house and became homeless. Her name was slandered and she was labelled ""crazy"". 

Our family had been abused and dismantled for the sake of money. For years my brother and I were made to believe she was ""active ambivalent""; meaning she needed to create chaos in order to feel alive. It was a cover for her true story to surface and we suffered over 10 years of confusion and hardship. 

After my father garnishes her inheritence of over 250,000$, a lawyer listened and took a chance on her and discovered her allegations to be true. She now stands a chance and has made a very huge impact in family law for people suffering with her kind of illnesses. Now anyone suffering from PTSD, psychiatric illness, physcial dissabilties and financial difficulties being represented in court have a HUGE case law to lean on now. We got to appeal this mess after 10 years, unheard of in family law. 

Anyone out there living with someone with PTSD, Namas-fucking-te. It is the single most agonizing, hardest, soul crushing job in the world for a friend/family member. It can cause you your own PTSD after you've lived through the depression, anxiety, insomnia and social anxiety.

We would have been far-far better off if we knew what was the diagnosis and got help by means of councilling.

I hope my brief little story helps someone out there. There's a lot of details out and one day I hope to write a book. It is a hard world we live in now but we become great leaders when we can stay above the pain and suffering.

I have been seeing a councillor and it makes your life better to manage and you don't get triggered as often. There's a lot of information you wished you had known years ago that is frustrating to learn now in my mid 30s. Social workers are generally free if you can get a nurse practitioner or doctor to refer you. Even bi-weekly or monthly will help you tremendously. If you don't like your social worker you have the right to get another one. My first one I felt judged as I expressed my addiction to oxycontin with her. I didn't like it and found someone else. This is my first LPT and I know it's long so I'll TLDR.

TLDR: get a councillor asap. It is frustrating to learn ways you could have made your life much easier years after. Seriously, do whatever you can to get professional counciling. Do not be embarrassed about your problems and embrace being vulnerable. That in and of itself will heal you.",5.320340300107183,7.221980062700966,5.835775723472673,76.30319198821013,69.11254019292605,9.234780278670954,29.67859056806002,9.673873057562805,2.9965529474812436,2677,104,461,63,48,863,302,622,0.118,0.7929999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9298,1,0,0,0,2,0,70.0,8,17,0,9,21,30,2,2,30,0,51,13,0,10,2,101,87,38,1,11,9,7,3,2,1,3,13,1,1,1,16,43,0,0,16,1,3,7,5,16,1,5,32,6,78,15,84,47,7,72,1,8,2,0,81,33,0,14,30,324,94,15,0.0,0.15303326927857105,0.0,0.07040163560922992,0.0,0.0,0.057246194789215776,0.0,0.06466745256233569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391655418565642,0.06771766776586136,0.09880691067783078,0.0,0.0,0.09031155099951346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049657965466860375,0.0,0.039367314485473086,0.0713234381834095,0.054952747933701473,0.07275944516134399,0.0,0.1142313669295614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584352353904928,0.13268271640638266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156180421338586,0.0,0.0,0.04164870018982845,0.0,0.0556225829248628,0.0,0.06702375201853393,0.0,0.0,0.0661002756437086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053948229131414935,0.14528741586288732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04265442230922535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580402600896802,0.0,0.4261613499936143,0.0,0.032653543534349384,0.0,0.062006842277019365,0.0,0.0,0.10986327902751307,0.0,0.07080853936834157,0.049894279229966185,0.0,0.16870169093808388,0.0,0.11010675541435892,0.0,0.10330090901849852,0.07119958013397848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057850915687616584,0.0,0.0,0.06864542575991821,0.0,0.0,0.1298596596628906,0.0,0.0,0.12828484688743086,0.0,0.0745165469110889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408559706621203,0.0,0.0,0.06725003973647083,0.07098286061858701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122940233347393,0.06310096515331609,0.06472603681823623,0.171075734362671,0.05715118923993195,0.0,0.0,0.07049660185113282,0.10980706228088252,0.0,0.18332122048891691,0.08621518445362703,0.0,0.0,0.1406929111895706,0.0,0.06505746642740695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051547069026924984,0.0,0.04747366542439994,0.09577037179715987,0.0,0.062371680702663634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128305760117456,0.0,0.06871757878624796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477157908766213,0.056388687535243225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179425335329415,0.3774523017174438,0.06492064789171613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055150891344010015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535831793616592,0.10292365614485784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19749326032077696,0.16415504768274036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883359275583947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03765706558445276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350131519107467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05328519013200445,0.0,0.05126052759830338,0.051802109399997964,0.0,0.05806509594419594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742637108151645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587571605979328,0.0,0.0,0.2495240730346931
ptsd,macabreroses,2018/03/05,"Does anyone else struggle with feeling real? Sometimes I really struggle with feeling real and valid even though I show all these symptoms and I'm diagnosed but I'm so paranoid about fitting labels 100% sometime that I feel fake. Sometimes it really gets to me when people doubt me and my experience. 

Any way to cope with this or feel more 'real' and valid? Sorry if this is a weird question.",4.043737769080239,6.653473452054797,4.641526418786693,80.35958904109589,74.75342465753424,6.36320939334638,28.236790606653614,7.447530270364453,1.9541365949119367,314,13,51,4,7,100,52,73,0.229,0.7390000000000001,0.032,-0.938,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,20,8,10,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,6,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444453330817607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739171106874422,0.15736819216601453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588773110230594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344051558648419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830236157903066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144286850884013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023771035210326,0.0,0.0,0.3106331248927749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802429503181886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647799605389448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205276561586075,0.0,0.0,0.5244474266183922,0.19678373085738154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557048756745861,0.1719282475996937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32112528713376004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963586332020704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15089860168806465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191033612296268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Dhoopette,2018/03/05,"Regarding non existent mental health care...R U F Kidding me? (Re-posting really)
Ditto!!! I thought I was the only one faced with and going through this. Its pathetic. It seems health care, particularly mental health care, is for the working elite. Yet many of us dealing with PTSD eventually find ourselves unable to function well enough to hold a job. Hence, those with the greatest needs are left without options and eventually without being able to be treated for this insidious, ruthless and tortuous mental health condition. As if the self isolation isn't bad enough, but when you finally muster up the courage to seek help you find there is none. I hate to say this but it kind of re-enforces the feeling of unworthy-ness most of us already feel. Ughh. Quite a desperate situation. I'll stop here so that I won't be a total bummer. We survived the ""original"", we can survive the aftermath as well!! Hang in there all!!!
",3.5131954887218058,6.47236630952381,4.36437343358396,79.52097744360903,79.35714285714286,7.584461152882207,30.27067669172932,8.532816995589336,2.9271500000000006,732,36,124,17,19,235,117,168,0.057,0.7440000000000001,0.199,0.9742,1,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,4,2,0,5,8,9,1,0,11,0,10,5,1,1,2,27,19,10,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,8,8,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,2,2,1,2,3,11,7,21,13,7,11,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,4,6,83,19,2,0.11164021505273802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319775342050572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932149163541382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34147391902969904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150961596139802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307083709201549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289729428760335,0.0,0.0,0.12229639865967387,0.20407426805035328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344770696423653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022159941946716,0.0,0.4746733122769934,0.0,0.0,0.07483008287511568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107856870720641,0.0,0.0,0.1162561043182758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129742030966052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318565543884512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33752123614304136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277980487357676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756502989912102,0.08490741424836769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692046581473373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050143713101478,0.0,0.0,0.1187431107742849,0.0,0.0,0.07151958047386937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878077992006331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163305887077023,0.11646509212620212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254882792609258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333621870200744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862986041884142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26857886562264016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075592156649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523436684094974,0.0,0.08127540618693728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,deifiboi,2018/03/05,"Was my ex abusive, or is it my ptsd talking Okay, so back then I didn't see any of this as a problem (likely because I thought he was wonderful and all that crap, and because it was my first relationship since having been abused for a few years by another guy.)

Firstly, I'm trans and he was okay with that and vocally supportive in front of others, but he wouldn't let me wear my binder even though I told him that it made me hugely dysphoric. If I wore it around him he'd get angry and would ignore me until I took it off, or went somewhere else, then afterwards he'd tell me repeatedly that it upset him that I was hiding part of my body from him.
Secondly, because of my past I would let him know that I didn't like some things that he would do with me, but after telling him he'd keep doing them even more which sort of seemed like he was trying to see how far he could go before I voiced discomfort. (Very far, I was terrified of him leaving)
And finally, I let him know I didn't like focus on certain parts of me because of dysphoria, but he'd still focus on those parts and (see binder part) would get mad or upset if I didn't let him near them.

Am i overreacting because of my ptsd or was something genuinely not right?",10.568928571428572,5.611938035714289,10.033174603174603,73.00071428571431,61.5,13.580952380952379,39.904761904761905,10.504223727775694,3.8033857142857137,963,30,208,15,9,314,131,252,0.18,0.784,0.036000000000000004,-0.9904,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,2,2,8,15,2,3,2,2,32,3,3,2,2,40,51,23,0,9,10,1,0,4,0,5,0,1,0,1,18,10,0,2,5,0,0,4,6,7,0,3,19,4,42,8,24,18,8,27,0,0,3,0,28,10,1,10,17,151,60,0,0.0,0.22473894052517154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449421034869543,0.09944763632300116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844273906446775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292583240408156,0.0,0.2890668346332368,0.0,0.08070155207287484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534546480664732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572173884221724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922635329794346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528138127976166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038921946613841,0.0,0.16134110607229873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990995996229139,0.0,0.053899555465164124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939061585751849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429783351765056,0.0,0.0,0.10424277652873078,0.0,0.0,0.10042148960415627,0.0,0.3879198477257787,0.0,0.1853354387777926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973956461163142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108083711052579,0.09053517186252072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907487312702141,0.22172493807826932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018222852869426,0.0,0.08099253808078481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267247528529216,0.08633845028926161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784523338530323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301219166724211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573906248811238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076229045089398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622851366749672,0.16578805877870914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300724555244243,0.0,0.0931794690477324,0.07529208392366024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906233444411,0.10537033447708867,0.06438989307660732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825263900067432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791730047116235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028495487103443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694854490586312,0.0,0.0,0.06107362152219593
ptsd,mrmeowmeowington,2018/03/05,"Does anyone yell or talk in their sleep? My person has been having interrupted sleep because I keep yelling during my night terrors waking him up. We are going to take a red eye flight and will spend sometime around his family. I’m concerned they’re going to hear me yell in my sleep on the plane or with his family sleeping nearby. Does anyone have any experience with being vocal like this and being able to reduce this side effect? 

I’m trying to keep becoming lucid in my dreams so at least if I’m going to have nightmares, perhaps I can maneuver dream me into making things better in the dream.

I’m so tired, apologies if this is incoherent, I’m too scared to fall back asleep right now.",6.417686567164183,6.74202595522388,6.70518656716418,76.82330223880598,65.56716417910448,8.789552238805971,27.19776119402985,8.472884824447931,1.8755999999999995,554,14,99,7,8,179,91,134,0.085,0.826,0.08900000000000001,-0.2853,1,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,1,0,1,2,6,4,0,2,3,0,11,8,7,2,0,15,24,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,4,7,0,2,1,3,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,6,13,2,17,20,1,18,0,0,2,0,9,11,0,4,4,60,17,0,0.14651695660488212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963655477184642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048961254941165,0.0,0.0,0.13043115477702166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266249567716027,0.0,0.08931537682511176,0.1618164673174361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958234154283307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564359521705585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332169795929686,0.27624629402374995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498068887694334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513525862175696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26046200615585263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158078413980166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978012062565725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749623844284206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793295508491448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251246803855194,0.0,0.0,0.14668903365122615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5864910775947365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490901651110796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016251710663982,0.11776477975532905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973393555571472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839968810229208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947539590909177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Way_To_Go_PAUL,2018/03/05,"New to this. (Sorry if this is scattered thoughts bundled together) Long story short— I had a car accident about 8 months ago. I had to be airlifted. I only remember hearing the sounds of the helicopter and I don’t remember anything beyond that besides waking up in a hospital with a tube down my throat begging for water that I couldn’t drink for 3 days. I arrived to the hospital with just enough blood to be breathing still. I fractured my pelvis, broke my ankle on the opposite side of my body, and broke my elbow on the the same side of my fractured pelvis. I couldn’t walk for 3 months and I was in a retirement/ rehabilitation facility for 3 weeks after being in ICU for 2 weeks after my accident where the “nurses” and doctors there had never dealt with someone as young as me. It was hell in there and finally I was able to go home and be bed bound then wheelchair accessible then  I began to walk again after a lot of physical therapy~October, my accident was early July. Well I felt like those times there was so many crazy things going on it hasn’t been until now where Im returning to a somewhat normal lifestyle (attempting at least) where Ive started to go through what I can only describe as panic attacks, insomnia, and nightmares. The panic attacks started about a month ago. And just simply thinking about being job less and just how different my life has changed to what it is now causes a huge influx of negative thoughts and I just dont want to leave the house and deal with life. I dont feel like Im myself anymore like the old me died in that accident. I wanted to get out of my bed for so long when I was bed bound that now I recluse in it because of the anxiety. I am currently taking pain pills a much lesser dose then I started with. I started attending group classes and a lot of the time I get told I need to be more honest with myself and accept that what happened was traumatic and I tend to down play it most of the time I talk about it. I just wanted to let you guys in on this because it was this subreddit that convinced me to attend a group therapy in the first place. ",4.594360666556675,5.637760712918662,5.614154429962054,80.4844258373206,69.86124401913875,8.732024418412804,30.2032667876588,9.035553425615538,2.5067565418247817,1670,66,321,31,29,552,203,418,0.132,0.81,0.058,-0.9856,3,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,2,26,16,3,2,25,0,31,17,8,2,1,52,55,26,1,8,6,0,2,3,0,0,7,2,4,1,22,21,2,2,8,2,0,8,8,8,1,1,17,4,43,8,66,29,10,73,1,2,0,0,8,25,1,5,43,238,65,3,0.0939621012243906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665834667732989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188075025107804,0.0,0.0931851560448192,0.0,0.0,0.07732280321778892,0.0,0.0,0.21379090990420935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145568495633918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437071222086422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965249610094498,0.09939944416540064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059778199904368,0.09687080050032733,0.0,0.0,0.0975178263683002,0.09817039696568816,0.0,0.09617419211830268,0.0,0.0,0.22024576568354293,0.092047087454364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708796821769552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04751006162430099,0.06712654388922021,0.0902183524005766,0.1029308890600966,0.0,0.07992411530090499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818263949406733,0.0,0.1602024824498809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303725291265708,0.08309037579812392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590211703739703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942516487295122,0.0,0.0,0.1084196492197486,0.0,0.0,0.20299038659973093,0.0,0.09324288687514176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949229814024743,0.0,0.09608261462906836,0.13273642176850056,0.13771540934753182,0.0,0.0,0.1663070055373919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976643668887902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526282270658283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499895823971852,0.0,0.06907295581786017,0.06967170746842412,0.07246936504404901,0.0907491828774294,0.0,0.0,0.09206290915681772,0.0,0.0,0.0985974191082732,0.0,0.0,0.1429248241511825,0.09998230052346596,0.22048856104227946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817039696568816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128814877405831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961378344888266,0.0,0.0,0.10518287953017358,0.2660274354676182,0.0,0.07503825541359256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064780639296217,0.07552317774302979,0.0,0.0,0.10745385162841148,0.0,0.062424244892299724,0.06020712044123073,0.0,0.14919082540722034,0.16437017054143208,0.0,0.0,0.0897848143772913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626384532872895,0.0,0.15074145979126258,0.0,0.08448321339543907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,KatieEllen119,2018/03/06,"Painful to hear my life described so accurately. A woman came to my door this afternoon collecting money for disabled vets. I don’t give money at the door but she spent a while going into great detail describing how some vets come back with PTSD. How hard it can be for them, how they can’t live normal lives, how they often become suicidal.
I’m sure she wondered why I was completely silent as she went on and on describing my daily reality. I felt like each word was tearing down the walls I’ve built that help me get through life. I could barely squeeze out the words, ‘no thank you’ before I closed the door and cried.
",5.3617561983471065,6.2483542975206685,5.424452479338843,83.11122417355371,68.00826446280992,8.694628099173555,27.521694214876035,8.841846274778883,1.9196851239669408,494,15,97,8,8,155,91,121,0.099,0.76,0.14,0.7543,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,3,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,7,3,0,4,1,23,19,10,1,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,3,1,3,9,0,0,2,0,3,4,3,1,0,0,6,4,16,4,13,11,2,15,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,3,4,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454820831610954,0.0,0.0,0.2076137252791172,0.15996066655538627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150037888470857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161931700570369,0.19709780545664016,0.0,0.0,0.1500900479212118,0.0,0.2064917624838944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180494264519642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821395997897636,0.18033152664903407,0.10683572493700036,0.0,0.0,0.2072531897847113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839687517346846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187180010633688,0.0,0.12600181367571034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26555752997680976,0.09183956058385197,0.0,0.3319868981877596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18418455486771032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002839020865856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197434124620316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562414979915736,0.0,0.17717283732995626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307054949372966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742631910278244,0.16962645693894235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038607925628372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,qruopjklx,2018/03/06,"Experienced an abusive relationship and trying to understand why it is haunting me so severely I am looking for some advice really, as I feel very much at a dead end, and I'm really hoping that this can provide some answers - or at least lead me on to them. 


(I am adding this as an afterthought, but it occurs to me that some of this couldn't be triggering to some. Also, skit to the asterisk to skip several bleak accounts of some bad times and to the point of this post) 

 To clarify, I am not diagnosed with ptsd and am by no means claiming to have the disorder. I exhibit many of the symptoms I have read about, but obviously that is by no means a diagnosis. I post this here, as reoccurring issues I have really been struggling with fall under the symptoms of ptsd, and ultimately, for lack of a better place to do so. If anyone knows of a more appropriate place I may voice my concerns to, feel free to correct me and I shall be on my way. 

Regardless, let me begin. 

I am fourteen (turning fifteen this month), and last year around this time I began a relationship. Although beginning deceptively normal, it quickly and suddenly spiralled into a cycle of abuse, crudely disguised as love. It began with my communication with her having to be constant, unfaltering; this was preferable to the threat of her becoming upset and ignoring or guilt tripping me - or really using any emotional manipulation tactic that you can think of. 

Without me really being able to grasp what was happening, I had been fully isolated from my friends and family, and really, the whole world. She had dragged me into a delusional folié a deux, in which I constantly faced the threat of rejection, shame, dread, isolation and a whole selection of other rotten, empty feelings. 

In addition to the emotional abuse, she coerced and manipulated me into engaging in sexual acts with her, despite me outlining specifically that I did not want to do so. 

Sex became the only way for me to feel as if I was good enough for her, and bore some of the only moments at which she seemed happy and pleased with me. It was exhausting and bestowed on me deep, deep guilt, but if I were to refuse she would emotionally blackmail me and because deeply upset. 

She escalated these sexual encounters to the point of extremity, forcing me to buy condoms when I was on the verge of tears. After these sexual encounters i would often cry, and grow increasingly dislodged from my own body, as it was my only coping mechanism to escape the abuse.  I did everything I could to avoid the same occurrence again; dropping change so we wouldn't have the £2.90 for the condoms, refusing to leave the house if I knew that was her intent, fabricating lies about whatever I had to. 

I remember once, after telling her I didn't want to, the look on her face in a moment of brief lucidity which interrupted her brigade of plastic emotion, when she mentioned casually that if she got me to agree, then it would essentially be rape. 

The further our relationship progressed, the more distant from reality I became, the further I grew from my family and the further my timid self retreated inwards, in hiding.

My travelling to France during the holidays exhibited some of the worst torment I had faced, despite not being in person. Her behaviour was amplified and she still had me almost completely under her illusion, although she was slowly losing her grip.

She would demand to have the passwords to all of my social media, and dig up conversations from months, years prior to dig up as evidence of cheating and disloyalty, only to ignore me for as long as she deemed appropriate and make me feel as guilty as she knew how to.

Weeks before the end of our relationship, she joined me on a family caravaning holiday, which was, in hindsight, hell on earth. Her unrequited jealousy, especially towards my mother and sister, was uncontrollable and beyond reason, and her iron stare haunted the cosy metal box. I looked into her eyes and saw a deep, burning hatred, and became terrified of her. On a particular evening, when the rain was mercilessly beating down on the drooping tents, I was required to accompany her to the toilets, despite her ignoring me. Upon me attempting to talk to her, she quickly turned the corner and abandoned me at a swift, unforgiving place. I, of course, had no idea where on earth she was (she had a nasty habit of doing this) and in my delirious, desperate, confused state, my brain fabricated these tall, black figures who had taken her, as if to create a reason where it was not provided anything remotely attached to reality. Upon being found by my father, urgently pacing around looking for her, hysterical, she expressed no sympathy or concern, but simply offered an empty, dry sorry. 

There are countless other situations I could site, but I think that these I have documented here serve the purpose of explanation well enough. 

In august of last year is when it hits it peak and when I finally severed my ties with her. A barrage of insults following an exhausting, draining, empty argument was my breaking point, and in my desperation I reached out to my present family and family friends, who pointed out to me the reality of the situation. 

Upon reflection, it is clear to me that her actions were a result of her own past trauma, and I hold nothin against her. I have learned that holding anger in your heart does nothing but create more pain and sorrow. I also realise that I was so susceptible to her manipulation, as my mother struggled and is struggling with mental health issues, which lead to her being admitted into hospital for spells of time from when I was about 10-13. I knew she also had mental health issues, and subconsciously i believe I wanted desperately to make her happy because I never could make my mother happy, and felt as if it were my fault. 

*****I am posting here as, these events and feelings haunt me daily. They haunt my dreams, replay over and over in my head, bore their way into my skull like parasites, prevent me from ever just sitting alone with my thoughts, keep me disconnected from my feelings, sensations, my passions. I feel as if I am carrying around with me an immense guilt and sorrow. No matter how much I think I've made peace with my feelings, forgiven, and tried to move on, I have always been dragged back into this seemingly inescapable vortex of foggy, unclear, jumpy memories and an indescribable, constant feeling of dread and guilt. 

Every time I see her name, hear mention of her, pass her in a corridor or even think of her, I receive an unpleasant jab of adrenaline, and my heart races uncontrollably. Any smells or objects that remind me of her provide the same painful jolt and can send me spiralling into despair. 

I am desperate, alone, but I still have so much life to me and I am scared to lose it. I want to set myself free. 

(sorry for any issues with coherency and te length. this seems to have provided a lot of therapeutic value, and that is most likely it's primary function. to expect someone to read this much of something so bleak is unreasonable)

If somehow, you read this far, thank I thank you greatly for briefly indulging in my troubled thoughts, and I wish you the best. 

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ptsd,mrsnerdy,2018/03/06,"ADA Accommodations - Shadiness Hi All! 

I know this might not be the best place to post - but I'm wondering if any of you have had issues when requesting ADA accommodations for your PTSD?

Long story short - I've been with my current employer 5 years; I am in an executive-level position and have had 5 years of great performance reviews; Late 2016 my PTSD ratcheted up after I was flooded with childhood sexual trauma memories; I took FMLA in January 2017 for the full 12 weeks, returned to work part time for two months, then full time since.

In August 2017, my manager decided I needed to meet with her to discuss accommodations for her made-up ""Essential Duties"" of being in-person at a single meeting per month. I clarified with her that attendance at the meeting would be my highest priority and asked for a full roster of needed ADA Accommodations. She agreed with most of my suggestions, we implemented a plan that's been working since. She was asked to follow up with HR on my request that all PTSD-related absences be excluded from the policy (she raised that I was ""getting into trouble"" with the policy and she would have to let me go if I violated it). I never heard back, so didn't worry about it (she has always been very lax with the attendance policy for all in the department).

Flash to February 2018, I have my first high-symptom call-out day (8 hours) in a while (about 3 months). Boss reviews all my absences since my return, and asks for documentation on two from 2017. She says it is because I'm bumping against the company policy for too many absence occurrences in 12 months. She is only looking at PTSD-related events, as the two times I had the flu this year didn't spark any kind of review, nor did non-PTSD absences last year. I ask her about the policy exception we discussed in August, and suddenly she's on the defensive. She responds that there is no exception, and decides she told me about this last year. It didn't happen, so I ask for documentation. She can't find any.

Last Monday, I had a meeting with HR to ""formally"" open my ADA accommodation request. Per the company, this is the first time I'm asking for anything, because my boss never brought my August conversation to HR, nor educated me that there was additional steps to formalize it. I meet with HR, I give them an updated list of accommodations, they give me paperwork for my doctor - no problem.

When I look at the paperwork, the job description isn't mine - it is for a coworker in another department. I send a copy of what I have on file, and ask for confirmation it is correct. A WEEK LATER I am still arguing with my supervisor and HR as they keep insisting I hold a job that I do not (completely different scope than my actual job, as actually described in the JD I have from 2 yeas ago). My job description now needs to go through the full HR review process and be approved.

**TL/DR and Ultimate question:** Are they trying to screw me? The culture at my employer is one of intolerance/purposeful ignorance of PTSD and its impacts. They do not take this seriously, and continue to set arbitrary ""blackout days"" that I ""cannot have a high symptom day on"" without risking my job. As you know - this is nearly impossible to agree to given the variability of trigger events. I think they're trying to let me go... am I being paranoid or could this be their shady way of saying I'm in a job that doesn't exist so am ultimately downsized and they avoid the ADA protections? 

HELP!",6.106474009451108,6.943509335877867,7.120234460196299,71.79087150127228,66.32824427480917,10.940385314431117,33.7631770265358,10.864195022040775,3.892416939294802,2745,119,495,77,42,923,300,655,0.076,0.8740000000000001,0.049,-0.9366,10,1,0,0,0,0,98.0,2,3,7,8,15,14,4,2,34,1,55,4,0,3,7,72,90,30,0,9,10,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,25,29,0,7,8,0,0,12,17,11,0,6,20,5,78,3,94,57,12,98,0,0,2,1,59,32,1,7,51,343,103,21,0.0,0.0,0.11875339535667975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393610684822263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05062855767797442,0.0,0.0,0.124131637099286,0.06380209859503178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007088706869473,0.0,0.3981780915265629,0.0,0.0,0.04678664391839173,0.0,0.07418203736455359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385388524176837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062130337552570164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379563571504022,0.0,0.0,0.048580398951935534,0.0,0.0,0.11772147049071753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357088278489942,0.0,0.06227822727682256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556119345250256,0.10351076745174903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03178940525712093,0.11673762024275515,0.10374016555347944,0.0,0.0,0.06708267991950945,0.0,0.0,0.05380571642449357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04078363930063321,0.12857380041173386,0.0,0.0,0.05992083029910169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350717914605745,0.3622802483402624,0.05408251904521893,0.0,0.06336150974102497,0.0668784915541292,0.14879227876496312,0.06863668259074862,0.0,0.0,0.12443785134913968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538465947072635,0.10219025042374336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057573741930176676,0.0,0.061688064052093664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06454775014332896,0.0,0.0,0.19426606313212524,0.0,0.0,0.13534910988840204,0.09385602285628963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123067072091365,0.04627595244594362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589004315746587,0.0,0.0,0.05312818235570943,0.06357088278489942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058273431541178734,0.0,0.0,0.05822118769188976,0.42675271781120616,0.0,0.06816119135803113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967740022720953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509967574265156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485915131925982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264841118760845,0.04574844920701483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898751471610668,0.0,0.0,0.14191863898951704,0.0,0.0,0.05814074392138451,0.06760189299485407,0.08262057216229825,0.0,0.17831243797005936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050204135296151815,0.0,0.048296542745216615,0.0976136184369743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865315422001593,0.06598464568789543,0.08859289533254787,0.06179183635799501,0.0,0.08644618327036335,0.0,0.0,0.1959134156421148
ptsd,Rebel_Becks,2018/03/06,"Being In a Relationship Living With PTSD I’m recently new to posting on Reddit, well answering to users questions and just general discussion, I’ve never really been able to write a post. 
I was diagnosed with PTSD in March 2016 I also suffer from clinical depression and severe anxiety. 
So a slight back story, I’ve been in abusive relationships since I was sixteen (I’m now twenty four), and about three years ago I got out of my most recent one and took a two and a half year break from dating. I was in the mind set of ‘this is what relationships are supposed to be like’ as every guy I was with treated me relatively the same. 
Fast forward to July 2017 and I meet my current boyfriend, and he is just perfect, he knows everything about my mental illnesses and when I have night terrors and flash backs he handles it well, we were speaking and he wants to  help build my confidence more in every day activities, I was just wondering if any of you could give some advice on what we could do together to grow as a couple and for me to grow more confident?",4.741029411764707,6.205989083333336,5.794392156862745,77.74276470588238,69.93137254901961,9.361568627450982,29.28627450980392,9.725611199111238,2.845929803921569,839,32,155,20,15,278,131,204,0.112,0.8059999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.7436,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,1,0,1,13,8,0,1,8,0,17,3,0,0,2,36,25,17,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,17,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,3,2,5,10,1,18,5,29,11,5,33,0,2,0,0,18,9,0,5,19,110,22,0,0.12633151561493586,0.14968218812139164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344969495289873,0.11198526618516262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102726739494472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590976271041728,0.0,0.09664326366086183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942822750576101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173087105908435,0.13978341916409676,0.0,0.08147337642610614,0.0,0.10880914928376102,0.1282238290916473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212879501078348,0.0,0.1135386203315532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118870123027947,0.0,0.0,0.10103885364084562,0.0,0.0,0.12508806227137778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467735196263193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942849712741281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061719197278121626,0.0,0.11155304278864736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273124542502731,0.0,0.1275588177041846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743465293313676,0.12201176500240607,0.0,0.11855356947305068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560550446600243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419813414055041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29534956260878364,0.0,0.14152020981429916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093120380626405,0.0,0.2494742618442916,0.40689830856161147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271865380860044,0.0,0.10450273519053592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035896218748098,0.0,0.0,0.12340753406862068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451360104639472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271744086858587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700113974273828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627067082291617
ptsd,miscellaneousteapots,2018/03/06,"Ever had a day without worrying about the thing? Then you rejoice because you've gone a whole day without obsessing... until you realise youre thinking about the THING then the worrying cycle begins... Does that title make sense? 

Anyone else do this? Hah

I have spent days where I don't think about something i.e a traumatic event etc and then go omg! I spent a whole day without worrying, yay me!!!! Then all of a sudden, I start fretting and i become disappointed in myself after not worrying. Blah. I have figured out that sometimes it's better not to rejoice in such things because even though it's celebratory, it's still focusing on the thing. 

I recently found meditation talks help with these moments. ",4.160608228980324,6.970367899224807,4.7451162790697685,78.71656529516997,75.43410852713178,7.380083482409062,29.302921884317232,8.384062270229773,2.5902624925462137,565,25,93,11,13,180,85,129,0.073,0.755,0.172,0.8742,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,0,1,9,4,0,1,9,2,5,0,0,1,2,16,15,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,4,0,2,2,6,2,0,0,5,0,12,2,15,10,4,25,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,18,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888629297039727,0.13021674074210596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494340916703456,0.14035878253429854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239906542525233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278451517016244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121562175151033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616577037824462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173678622729186,0.08394046806368495,0.11495843034802647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934550313201505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722270758504369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851844507912942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483226996687247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548413176139295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783860108020423,0.12569334551002198,0.0,0.08995358623341587,0.0,0.1014926925455899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214857230477137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377266520563134,0.1628658003925355,0.12486337819546085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837785710700818,0.0,0.3675250773413614,0.0,0.0,0.5162563943585686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Sadlifex01,2018/03/06,"My abuser which is my mothers son is getting out of jail by the end of next year and I am freaking out. Should I take an offer of living with my friend in another state as a roommate? My mothers son (I can't call him my half brother ) is in jail for drug dealing and gun possession. . He has been in and out of jail for drug dealing since he was 18 and he is 30's now. He has been so awful to me my whole life, he told me that he ""owns"" me, has threatened to kill me plenty of times, choked me until I almost ran out of breath, bullied me, walked back and fourth by my room mocking me in a way I thought he would burst in and torment me more.  

Everyday I was scared to be in my room because he would bring junkies to the house and his boss which threatened him a lot. I really thought we were all going to die. My mom is in denial of this and still visits him in jail and ask him what specific food he likes, and talks to him like he did nothing wrong! makes me angry every time she does this, this level of denial is dangerous! she tells me he is sorry for what he did to me which is complete crap. 

I asked her when he getting out, she told me he will get out in 2020 somewhere in march. I told her if she was going to bring him here, she told me ""I don't know"" and then ""what its not ok if he comes here sometimes?"". I know at this point I can't trust what she says. My mom has no clue what to do with that messed up guy, all she can do is cry about it and feel powerless of this situation. which I feel bad for her in that part. After another talk with her she says that if he comes she will tell me so I can leave. I told her what if her other son doesn't want him to live with him? the reality is no matter how bad or how old he is, he is still her son and she cant shake off that biological attachment she has towards him and not worry about him. This is where the problem becomes for me.

I have an online friend of 5 years and she offered to me that I can stay with her for 3 month for free and during that time I can find a job to help pay rent. that's what thinking of doing. I was originally going to community college for two years and then transfer to a different state, but if he is out by 2020 I don't think I have enough time, I would feel more uneasy with him being out of jail, (I don't know hw that would effect my studies)

Now I'm thinking of going flying to the state she is in and take up on that offer. I hope I can find a decent job and start my life over there far away from that maniac. I don't think I would even be able to study properly with him being so near me. The problem is my mother. She is trying to prevent me by saying she won't bring him here to live or that he will stay in shelter, but how can I be so sure of that?    I don't trust anyone

",4.145429411764706,3.435253523333337,5.196686274509805,89.23623529411766,70.43333333333334,8.1921568627451,25.81372549019608,7.1686216300943375,0.8708549019607847,2134,49,516,17,34,707,239,600,0.119,0.8340000000000001,0.047,-0.9882,5,0,2,1,1,1,53.0,1,0,0,1,21,24,5,2,14,2,67,7,2,7,3,86,106,40,2,15,11,10,3,2,2,10,4,3,3,1,33,37,1,1,15,0,3,13,14,14,0,2,17,6,98,11,87,74,9,80,0,0,0,0,93,36,1,10,27,363,131,7,0.07396807864709491,0.08764007784707821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406834609824206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15512395971413004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05172020043354092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830033715676798,0.0,0.06949544476920003,0.0568768867026037,0.1235205120432302,0.045090254196384585,0.08169193148892058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552967842566148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274339003463715,0.07755412315989108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125046112044064,0.0,0.1525156823154414,0.0,0.0,0.07676718758213315,0.0772808988831938,0.0,0.0,0.06472996408615858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155897583975746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655137627924216,0.07642879815621886,0.0,0.04885521833684197,0.0,0.062321296477250265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122014491681802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352109676774279,0.0,0.08944249430813546,0.0,0.1142951081539862,0.0,0.11593580451973826,0.0,0.16815105476074152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324002710538269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957924393696729,0.0,0.0,0.0734669919868808,0.0,0.08534923161440633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680380919094094,0.0,0.08183471974040911,0.0,0.12195276477620882,0.0,0.0,0.07832151513984799,0.0,0.0,0.10449168288882196,0.07227413391000162,0.0,0.19594550581021947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288501534223624,0.0,0.0,0.049374266868479684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732610394606463,0.05904061467947753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866589079074192,0.0,0.0,0.07097436639200054,0.0,0.07761705577001513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010022103815985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992374291740709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155492331609273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047385845242230745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646715500437254,0.0740549505613926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061187159021910874,0.0831432195403418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315632114085048,0.08280120818962931,0.052354986778025234,0.1576802601435525,0.11814200631206476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971403874863315,0.0,0.1112295794032942,0.11890547951102795,0.12930272202519952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18958303238778826,0.0,0.1174447842624632,0.17252552597861018,0.0,0.0,0.3533983448983569,0.0,0.0502194700091759,0.0,0.0722560648560174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362828923289158,0.05871241789940225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258271825710646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511817436210587,0.0,0.26272400411521035,0.08087248229708045,0.0,0.14289905253002855
ptsd,PopularCrab,2018/03/06,"Recently diagnosed - should I tell people? Hi. Throwaway.

I was fairly recently diagnosed with PTSD. I've been showing symptoms for the past two years and everything makes so much more sense now.

After my traumatic event, I experienced flashbacks, panic attacks, mood swings, random bursts of anger and I felt like my brain was scrambled and I couldn't focus the way I used to anymore. This started to affect my interpersonal relationships, and when a very important one ended I realized I needed help and started seeing a professional.

I've considered telling people closest to me -- especially those who may have seen me when I was triggered or had an outburst or who may have been affected by my PTSD in some way -- but I'm afraid they won't take it seriously or they might think I'm lying. I was wondering what your experiences have been with this and if you think it'd a good idea to confide in people close to me?

Thank you.",6.187631578947368,7.705405263157897,6.597909356725148,73.13967105263158,66.54385964912281,9.910526315789477,32.96345029239766,10.125756701596842,3.5429801169590647,744,32,127,18,12,241,112,171,0.08900000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.2585,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,2,0,4,9,2,2,6,0,18,4,1,5,0,33,33,14,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,10,4,22,3,13,16,3,18,0,0,2,0,12,4,0,10,13,86,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975582157872574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031804596300436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731450461235874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28606381226846905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481422860577268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665075907432155,0.1378478340338515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530631375620886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819789636329613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944564137837284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908271998723938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884691008139339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406589958343407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949497153512567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359319122192713,0.10449117790132846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549175505126656,0.0,0.0,0.1653404968402582,0.0,0.0,0.13452509412181182,0.2930907511947888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294583480708004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782850851967311,0.15129647660827394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229583703888717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994892984263316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464709355676522,0.1059550967584833,0.0,0.2463424297172076,0.12974117562173107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805930459161645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13765939571609725,0.0,0.0,0.12171054700152906,0.0,0.1162746301827452,0.0,0.22371315086610613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15282287464649555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074854020390398
ptsd,pyrofish9,2018/03/06,"Self diagnosis is never valid. No, you are not smarter than a professional. You are not more educated than a doctor. Please do not tell people you have a mental illness when you have not been diagnosed with it professionally.",4.8827500000000015,7.846793774999997,6.0100000000000025,69.785,73.75,9.0,27.5,9.516144504307137,3.033,181,7,30,5,4,60,29,40,0.122,0.779,0.099,-0.2481,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,0,1,6,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,26,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3775769403771928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807625741577855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748932416717292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28691295839334696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25790121957153544,0.0,0.0,0.40834945024174907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880820338393573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251485050140301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,snickertywicket,2018/03/07,"Please help me understand Hi everyone,

I’m having some difficulty understanding what’s going on in my head at the moment. I think I may have PTSD, at least, I appear to meet the DSM 5 criteria for it. The thing is that even the thought of PTSD had never popped into my head before a couple nights ago.

I was watching a cop drama where the main character had to go to a therapist for an evaluation. All of a sudden, BAM, that sounds a lot like me.

So here’s my story.

Last year, my mother and I were on a trip abroad when suddenly she collapsed. I got the hotel to call an ambulance and was then kicked out of the room while they worked on her (there are other details about this that I can’t and even if I could I probably wouldn’t share). Unfortunately, she had gone into cardiac arrest and they couldn’t save her. I had to relay all this whilst it was happening to my dad and my brother who were back in our home country. 

They were able to come out the next day luckily but I was alone all night.

Ever since then I’ve thought that I was just grieving normally for my mother. I do go to a therapist about it once a week. Whenever I talk to people about what happened they always say “it must have been so traumatic” but I myself have never used that word to describe it, not even in my own thoughts.

Now though, I can’t stop thinking that this may actually be affecting me. Actually, I knew how badly I was being affected but I just thought that it was part of the grieving process. I called a friend tonight and told her what I was thinking and she told me that she’s suspected it for months! She didn’t know how to tell me what she thought. I’m not mad or upset at her or anything but I am a bit shocked that someone could come to that conclusion so long before I even thought about it! 

I’m not self diagnosing but I would like to know for certain if it is PTSD or not. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and am planning to ask her.

Did any of you have this BAM realisation? How did you go about things afterwards?

Thank you for reading",3.17580649872216,4.714134009638557,4.355991237677987,86.23108798831694,73.96385542168673,7.921869295363273,26.069733479372033,8.575989854853784,1.689714859437751,1614,56,341,30,33,529,202,415,0.097,0.833,0.071,-0.9116,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,3,4,3,25,13,1,1,22,0,43,3,2,6,8,75,76,29,2,9,16,4,0,2,1,5,1,2,2,1,31,15,0,1,16,3,0,9,11,6,0,0,30,3,59,7,44,36,10,51,0,2,1,0,38,15,0,10,29,255,90,2,0.08433738956852735,0.0,0.16460225280835564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476000722559756,0.0,0.0,0.08734810076710113,0.0,0.0,0.07017546424843006,0.0,0.0,0.057352316958917265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940248560359435,0.0,0.07884407453584112,0.0,0.0,0.06485024674182037,0.07041819751460464,0.0,0.0,0.14352981356112401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207458621644038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223580846981446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145298386740926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467308594924274,0.09331771743478873,0.0,0.05439063921354092,0.0,0.0,0.08560067512395153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281620162059065,0.07628799727140817,0.0,0.08058798993215725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515885797270393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917235281907976,0.0,0.06745231480511074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915855013388485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310898606957728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056529574471910135,0.0,0.08459727818766029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926992473871615,0.06874622885978858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240597699417351,0.0,0.0,0.07463593582526988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170063267757047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731729972796817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009238814078933,0.0,0.0896937705929529,0.15828985387722289,0.08263273525384954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981656741584759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132917428409852,0.0,0.05846892685914515,0.0,0.0,0.09257712770347877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092997030665977,0.0,0.2957576856342989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436021246389773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706847723984598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879822906211881,0.0,0.0,0.06976476016962221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145879649623957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050983405761015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778719909164467,0.07371459580381129,0.07764653722906059,0.0,0.2937666287783801,0.11206002827523892,0.1621199815229309,0.08286105704676275,0.401726800437476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611759798643145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755963937172565,0.0,0.07284042613022733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765036675895529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061398624059349816,0.0,0.0,0.05991086179156312,0.0,0.0,0.054310513772199136
ptsd,n3rvous1,2018/03/07,"Non-stop Panic Using a throwaway for anonymity.

I've been going through a turbulent transition the past year. Whenever I begin to feel settled, a new issue crops up and my life turns upside down. Coupled with the instability is a lot of personal and career success, which is fine if you don't have PTSD. (I've been diagnosed for 5 years, stemming from trauma in my 20s). Unfortunately, it all makes me feel more anxious and paranoid.

New job, new city, new car. Huge hurdles getting here, only to find this new life is not a fit and everything will be temporary. My old car broke down during the move, and now financing might be revoked on the new car due to a paperwork error. Trying to make things work, but I'm so stressed, I don't sleep and barely eat. It takes the tiniest issue to make me break down and cry. I've been to see doctors and therapists...medication is not a solution atm. 

I have very few friends here, no one to lean on. Broke because it took all my savings to get out here, deal with a broken down vehicle, buy a new car (too broke to buy a used car...funny how it works), and now having to drive back to where I was in just a few months from now. 

I've survived worse. I know that this is what opportunity and success looks like sometimes, a series of breakdowns. But for all the therapy and mindfulness techniques, I am struggling to function. And from the outside looking in, all anyone else sees is success.

Help me, please. I'm falling apart. ",3.795177446612385,5.604856091872794,4.677953602703948,83.43937317560305,72.886925795053,7.465908741742202,28.912121677677067,8.18289091462,2.0250078045782773,1146,47,220,18,23,371,168,283,0.158,0.72,0.122,-0.7378,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,0,7,12,15,0,3,19,0,20,6,1,6,4,39,41,17,0,1,6,0,2,1,1,2,4,0,0,1,10,15,1,0,4,0,4,9,5,7,0,1,5,6,14,8,34,32,8,44,0,3,4,0,5,16,0,3,19,136,24,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695646308467008,0.0,0.06619937057709667,0.09700632540976216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727996811407451,0.0,0.057713358067850676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475673440504893,0.10399668485785474,0.0,0.09760637128033096,0.0,0.09609372620069777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690447332943443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687675957451028,0.07908930303429071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508831137422307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574164124796837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653176979531949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314612237009335,0.0,0.09892817148453767,0.0,0.05380631694061047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345904916847726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763342718257032,0.0939509097538038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05203122571483197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374433161120716,0.04625370874185674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900729403711278,0.0,0.0,0.08048979701338138,0.0,0.0,0.18959006511965945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516323221451884,0.0,0.0,0.10043583457243113,0.09559535220391503,0.0,0.07556914894961715,0.10062516409035896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6400678918828351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934610065219802,0.0,0.06415462684045295,0.07200504888585696,0.0,0.11108140038589816,0.0,0.0,0.09037855895965312,0.0,0.0826670692992924,0.0,0.10392536214350433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067069281848912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508883676312862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947439589016767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363657473607928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915302862480332,0.10845056311577153,0.09897547805638546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118425764334534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826978287960867,0.0,0.06289825202622873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051880588639861,0.06427850776786373,0.10297985005621592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635386158991103,0.0,0.07811727312353703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13784990739653358,0.0,0.0964825098089546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193594577818125
ptsd,needhelpplzthroway,2018/03/07,"I've been traumatized by a person and have no choice but to have them in my life. I know it would probably be helpful if I explained the who/what/when/why but I could write an entire novel just to explain that. I just know there is a person in my life that I'll be regularly seeing again, beginning within the next few days, and they traumatized me. The uncertainty of how I'll handle this is killing me.

Currently Im newly struggling with spikes of fear and panic. I've made big improvements in dealing with my depression but I don't know how to deal with panic attacks or anxiety.

I just don't know how to deal with a traumatizer responsibly and it's eating me up. I appreciate any feedback anyone has to offer.",2.547766599597587,4.884359028169017,4.4037424547283734,81.55549295774651,78.43661971830986,7.719114688128773,24.93158953722334,8.634040054169528,2.000392756539235,570,21,109,13,14,193,87,142,0.272,0.647,0.081,-0.986,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,8,7,2,4,7,0,12,3,0,4,0,29,21,12,1,3,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,8,1,0,6,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,1,15,0,17,15,1,11,0,1,1,0,12,6,0,2,5,75,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624892416409,0.0,0.11952358460452313,0.0,0.0,0.10924701756795208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774616860812825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474535689826473,0.0,0.0,0.1007622221291509,0.4832314053011058,0.1345697472076433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987307678155505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581404371084794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472473981123794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876659301628474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728570073241852,0.0,0.3434628565315657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207146264045999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783857563941086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16616358562372285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666292169741399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728464241669226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845372657351906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245034809675201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333653470964188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409827846903232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098879607003134,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,marty9819,2018/03/07,"What should (and shouldn't) I do when my friend has a PTSD episode? Friend had a pretty massive episode the other night. I was able to help him calm down and tried my best to keep him from hurting himself (which was largely successful). But I want to know how I can I better help him out if it happens again. 

I've been recognizing his triggers so I'll be doing my best to prevent the episode from happening in the first place but on the off chance I can't stop it, what should I really do?",3.7992571428571402,4.70671424,4.141428571428573,90.815,71.6,7.314285714285713,27.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,1.1941714285714284,384,13,85,4,7,120,66,100,0.018000000000000002,0.722,0.259,0.9541,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,5,4,8,0,0,6,0,14,0,0,2,0,16,19,8,0,5,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,15,7,11,11,2,11,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,1,5,64,21,1,0.2096401609557751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44000883030595817,0.1854096861384067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831981381425646,0.0,0.0,0.3239349366390559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707682039718565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810347617274408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244241281840968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633780744104533,0.0,0.0,0.115212749897442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673308964302205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190293485650249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213279410690338,0.0,0.0,0.245058129565426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134300855251387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526856162404333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233190814739166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365119852099495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,RiskyJustice,2018/03/07,"Going through a rough time and I’m just feeling like I need to tell my story I would like to first say that I am safe.  I have family members keeping an eye on me.  How many of you can remember the single moment you slipped from the real world and retreated into your own mind?  The feeling as everything you were was compressed and forced into the deepest reaches of your kind—leaving behind apathy and quickly followed by anger.  Well, that is how it felt for me anyway.  I am here to tell you that I have experienced the opposite of this...a rejoining of the world.  A reconnection with all of the emotions I thought I’d never feel again.  It’s like I have access to parts of my mind I had forgotten even existed.  The wall has come down and now it is time to reintegrate the two halves.  I have decided I am going to write it all down as a way to find some understanding or meaning from all of this.  This is the first of what I hope to be many writings in the future.  Perhaps I might find myself as an author in this new life—I guess only time will tell.

Evolution is, by definition, the change in heritable characteristics over successive generations, but I believe this is only partly true.  It is of course true for physical traits, and even some mental predispositions, however what about the emotional evolution of the self?  Some might argue that this isn’t really evolution because it is not passed on over successive generations, but I would argue that it is passed on with a greater success rate than any physical characteristic.

I view it as a series of circles progressively decreasing in size, with the outside circle representing the least amount of progress along this path of emotional evolution.  This is where I believe most of the world population resides, if not the circle just inside of it.  There is no end to these circles, as there is always room for improvement, but some individuals have gotten much further along the path than others.  They get to this point often by suffering great hardship, which forced them to grow beyond their current limitations.  I have experienced this feeling twice in my life, but I have also been able to successively traverse into a deeper circle of emotional understanding at my own pace—so it is possible to come about these lessons in either a hard or easy fashion.  

My time in the military was a time for immense personal growth.  Not growth in the fashion that the folks at the Pentagon would like to see in a servicemember, but growth in a way that I believe to have far more meaning than the amount of ribbons on my chest or chevrons on my sleeve.  I started my career in the outside circle, hell I might have even started it outside of the outside circle depending on who you ask.  Then I met someone who would become the best friend I have ever known.  She pushed me to become a better person by forcing me to challenge my beliefs, and this allowed me to slip into a deeper circle of understanding.

The next occasion was something I did not choose for myself, but also served as the greatest catalyst of change in my life.  This occurrence was during my time working with Remotely Piloted Aircraft, when I began to seriously question the value of life and my role in facilitating the eradication of it.  I heard things that gave me pause and caused a moral dilemma within, but I sucked it up and soldiered on—because that was my duty and what I was always taught to do.  My refusal to listen to my conscience led to depression, a few psychotic episodes, and ultimately PTSD.  This was a unique scenario because while I found deeper understanding, I was also forced to cut myself off from the world to protect myself and those around me.  The emotions had simply become too powerful for me to control and without the proper skills and time to heal, all I could do was lock them away.  I had learned a valuable life lesson, but the anger was ripping me apart inside, and there was a lot of unfortunate emotional collateral damage along the way.  

The most recent occasion is when my wife essentially told me our marriage was over, with my emotional detachment being the cause for its destruction.  I can’t really say if I understand any more than I did before this, but I do know that I am able to feel a wide range of emotions I had locked away for years.  In a desperate attempt to save my marriage, I forced myself out of the prison I had made for myself, only to discover that I had done so too late.  Once again, an important lesson was learned the hard way.

What if we could learn these lessons the hard way, but in a controlled or virtual environment?  Something where the consequences of failure are not so significant and final?  That is something I want to figure out how to do for myself, as well as others.  I believe meditation is a great solution, but it is also a difficult skill to master—especially for those who struggle to calm a racing mind.  I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if the looming end of my marriage was also a clever therapeutic tactic designed to give me the final nudge I needed, but deep down I understand that is just a hopeful wish.  That woman who shared my love of Pern, Middle Earth, Hogwarts and the many other wonderful stories we’ve enjoyed over the years—the person I had shared a mind meld with—I have lost her.  
",9.498249867980988,8.025262907894737,9.1727565569442,67.55359355747228,60.10323886639677,12.235029044182365,39.29202605175145,11.119845054232373,4.366549832775919,4235,176,732,90,46,1372,408,988,0.097,0.743,0.16,0.9966,5,0,3,0,1,1,81.0,2,7,4,24,41,44,8,1,75,0,81,8,2,12,8,161,134,61,0,17,30,1,10,4,1,9,5,5,1,5,61,36,0,9,36,0,0,13,10,15,2,4,38,20,101,29,149,82,27,110,3,4,3,1,51,58,2,26,38,579,162,12,0.09520664556955374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034180016189625,0.07921955595922807,0.0,0.0,0.06474378376228519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237704976896075,0.04450268082754685,0.0,0.08944977752372081,0.0,0.0,0.08705563119459654,0.15772239003797736,0.04050692153945176,0.21453057379116836,0.04995675037099714,0.042101270560141714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780345087745013,0.10071600706189213,0.08201209498564778,0.0,0.0,0.10678234859164612,0.0760147594520306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04100067216069614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048714726729483966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4283786472063522,0.08432482914507705,0.0,0.0,0.09432463722514624,0.04305993080049316,0.0,0.0,0.04278279703898494,0.0,0.04487617613425355,0.0,0.12034835159897248,0.06801564661807648,0.045706655071274464,0.10429422655737583,0.08701714923675964,0.08098272408512497,0.0,0.05219458637404297,0.03677820909837082,0.0,0.02487077140035392,0.04566544487693005,0.054108130715185526,0.0,0.0,0.10496566284941776,0.052440426893496914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279296809090006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456168113447293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462404106334304,0.0,0.049571535283672384,0.026161541268071683,0.0,0.053698621556022265,0.0504050454518789,0.0,0.0,0.1681181734019698,0.0930263159037218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196465012863391,0.04047064272068514,0.04296385737106965,0.0450434150191484,0.0,0.1447868930004288,0.0,0.10370794780979242,0.0,0.0,0.04797295294604517,0.15149880835178187,0.19226314332284972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03499391955533138,0.07059452133079845,0.036714617183382016,0.04597558578061732,0.05062667382953266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506959851613999,0.0,0.10861341619710578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309951933194507,0.0,0.0,0.12469615592973528,0.0,0.0,0.04500052678531776,0.053665593909155394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055645736912010746,0.0,0.053326616051164934,0.0,0.0,0.0541830030227315,0.06099181505734533,0.0,0.04700253834231573,0.0,0.05392528500197033,0.0,0.0,0.07571214587185372,0.0,0.0,0.03793368503648957,0.0,0.04966064756345525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04033414091692017,0.109942090702954,0.0,0.0,0.06738775376004562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976532876412968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482220694583895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03162553242724565,0.03050228710255657,0.0,0.037791720948358684,0.19430516232109205,0.0,0.0,0.04548701491643545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046501529327392634,0.29734042704179303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02807767313802616,0.18892650937133176,0.0,0.0,0.08560220822550799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05474147190687684,0.0458879044359899,0.10324754587658648,0.034655785940155615,0.0,0.0,0.16908017350125662,0.0,0.0,0.03065497913715198
ptsd,Doglin,2018/03/07,"After a 1 hour long flashback, I realized I have PTSD. How can I help myself and get support? **TL;DR Had a long, intense flashback. I now know I have PTSD. What can I do to help myself? What can I have my girlfriend do to help me, and what should she know?**

*Edit: Appointment with a professional already scheduled.* 

I had always expressed my discontent to my girlfriend about my family, and how I always wanted to be away. 

Even I had forgotten how bad it was. 

Today my girlfriend was telling me she was upset on some texts that my mom sent me earlier. They were slightly manipulative and made me subconsciously feel horrible which she caught onto but I didn't. 

We started breaking it down, and I started realizing that maybe my family and childhood wasn't as great as I thought it was. 

At one point my voice stutters saying a word, and for some reason I repeat these two words. I repeat it again, and again, and again, uncontrollably. 

I have this sinking feeling inside of me, and drop my phone. 

Reality starts to fade away and next thing I know I'm back home. 

I relive some HORRIBLE things I had forgotten, and realized how horrible the other things actually were. My childhood was filled with all kinds of abuse.

I completely lost touch with reality for about 45 minutes. It took 1.5 hours of processing after it happened. Still feeling a bit out of it, emotionally fragile, etc. 

I was screaming at points, repeating lots of words, and even threw myself on the ground from the chair to curl up at one point. 

My girlfriend had no idea what was going on, and so she comforted me the whole time with an arm on my shoulder. I told her that was very helpful (I was 99% flashback 1% feeling her hand on my shoulder) and I'm glad she didn't try end it because I would've thought she was one of the people attacking me. 

After the event,  she helped me write down all of the things I was saying over and over. Looking over it and re-organizing it, I realize that my words were my thoughts in childhood, as I re-lived through my hell over and over for 45 minutes...

I looked up a lot of the symptoms for PTSD, and I match almost all symptoms. I'm a mess. 

Ever since that flashback I've been quite withdrawn. Only able to feel love at certain moments. After eating, I spent the whole rest of the day sleeping. 

I was also quite emotional, cried at random moments like in the restaurant and in a taxi and in the bed. 

Now that I know I definitely have PTSD, what can I do to help myself? I don't enjoy feeling withdrawn or disconnected from myself- I want to enjoy the love in my relationship. 

**Also (and more important to me)- what should my girlfriend know, and how can she help?** 

I would like to inform my girlfriend on as much as possible because I want her to know that me feeling withdrawn, or saying/acting/doing something, is not her, or reflect my true self. 

I don't want her to get hurt in all of this. 

I'm feeling extremely exhausted and out of it. I want to feel alive again. What do I do..

*edit: I live in a foreign country where I barely speak the language. So I'd have to get an online psychologist which I'm already working on.* ",2.7787615371706664,5.129071963696372,3.9154326788611087,85.28499328746437,77.7128712871287,6.5507188006936286,26.6078201040443,7.653070788468383,1.6172928679308605,2454,99,468,37,59,796,250,606,0.127,0.747,0.126,-0.9041,0,0,1,0,1,0,100.0,1,0,1,4,23,24,2,2,25,0,47,11,5,8,7,96,96,42,0,8,5,1,12,2,6,3,3,5,2,1,35,31,1,0,26,0,1,6,7,11,0,4,35,19,93,13,81,57,16,82,1,2,2,2,43,38,1,10,38,351,128,4,0.06711059305810749,0.07951507876846987,0.06549025800527973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672015648426122,0.0,0.14811641650046886,0.10733663404435824,0.11168277908373007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634798800337796,0.12610522264744914,0.05160390357199627,0.056034541992175016,0.08181998926043585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326738612824084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036417998896086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371783520365421,0.043280780601637786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867089087636802,0.0,0.15098076870298693,0.05944006597013681,0.0,0.07484605114389753,0.08865182755960535,0.0607053735750205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653178889070954,0.0,0.3053981906809234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518754495584064,0.0,0.038140496599146416,0.0,0.0,0.07398966576776964,0.0,0.0,0.0593456758051473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31487971127382985,0.0,0.06731739670057607,0.0,0.13218083152543791,0.0,0.07184327788300418,0.07575969083314092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988535541371974,0.22129336110662093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557369176239627,0.0,0.05925988319337056,0.11878152601844097,0.11271199186809025,0.0,0.07325913999652388,0.11411005264096885,0.12113986081486272,0.06350166581783677,0.0,0.0,0.06742161100366308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859911548834594,0.0,0.0,0.04933400774151448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137287707037597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642762407591996,0.05104063013983428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04652603521478496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032360750176666,0.0756571101211178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137947678320219,0.0,0.0,0.14276075304696167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900086691722468,0.0,0.07205166150607556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067380744435541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001098483610327,0.0,0.0,0.0555145760793997,0.0,0.0671590595258102,0.0,0.0,0.05166501326305873,0.0,0.0,0.14250366954856591,0.0,0.053594606306491765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615630570583183,0.0,0.13950720474903036,0.0,0.0,0.05865761635191241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834118400235646,0.0,0.0,0.1598349436864469,0.03913272650127568,0.0,0.06361299518340717,0.06412704762830504,0.07456233820651388,0.045563687431429634,0.0,0.06555729786720445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537326766281825,0.19791783280590816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985316098386134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048857311029607935,0.0,0.0,0.09534687962299757,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thepinkviper,2018/03/07,"Do you ever feel guilty for no real reason? Sometimes I just get massive feelings of guilt....like right in my chest, so strong and painful I start crying.  And it's not about anything specific (like something I did), I just feel intense guilt like I'm holding a super heavy burden. I don't think most of the few people I've told this totally believe me....they think there must be *something* that's causing the guilt....but seriously, no.  It's nothing specific.  I have no dark secrets or much to feel guilty about for a long time.  

It actually gets worse sometimes when I get happier...the past couple years I have had a significant increase in the quality of life and the happier I get sometimes the guiltier I feel.  Like almost to a point of panic...it's not constant, but just seems to come and go....anyone else feel like this? I do have diagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma and feel like this may be common with others with PTSD....",2.3627528089887626,5.021811061797756,3.327067415730337,87.06105056179777,81.64044943820224,5.807191011235956,25.19213483146068,7.1686216300943375,1.3148215730337074,731,29,136,10,20,233,104,178,0.14800000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.123,-0.3007,0,0,3,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,0,2,9,12,0,1,9,0,12,4,1,2,3,36,30,9,0,1,7,0,7,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,12,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,3,7,13,7,16,23,5,16,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,5,15,81,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.1133654588911904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163277786441861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122897761866835,0.1190302047721435,0.09559826180266368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088415107806925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193389027436395,0.0,0.10007043043458623,0.0,0.1255388283175929,0.0,0.0,0.1285402317304887,0.12760762395612604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791041314751508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704538230566108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508269080171488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111743734431751,0.2489762650697587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427767562537367,0.0,0.0660222608827032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205452124668045,0.2837747126158146,0.0,0.0,0.10280706333292232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853985401326018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146853977418504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361339402237227,0.1363008213996252,0.0,0.0,0.11089770006787776,0.08053786155624189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981848679704977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715937372705405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222723881574067,0.0,0.1194424206014047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920880483286867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575708166814236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886715110250154,0.3446862032321453,0.0,0.08222593906383928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887448004474627,0.0,0.0,0.06773983845235297,0.0,0.0,0.11100570379695164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838746443574175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480986695328057
ptsd,Shu_gaze,2018/03/07,"Fragmented Thoughts I don't know if anyone else experiences the same thing, but I find myself to remember my past in fragments... as if someone wrote my history on a glass pane, and shattered it. Every time I try to recall something, I feel like I'm gathering pieces of random details, and I'm slowly spiraling into the main point- the whole reason why the memory affected me the way it did, and the part that impacted me the most. I just want to know if anyone else felt the same way, or if they want to describe their experiences in further detail.",11.297571428571427,7.5434414000000025,10.830357142857146,64.16839285714289,58.80952380952381,14.309523809523812,42.44047619047619,12.161744961471696,5.027619047619048,437,17,78,10,4,144,72,105,0.058,0.875,0.067,-0.0168,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,9,0,2,0,0,2,0,27,12,10,0,6,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,12,1,10,8,7,10,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,7,3,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474934941814544,0.3626686209260056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29568389834668085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491111335395211,0.0,0.0,0.34623580835825946,0.0,0.0,0.08948511566107313,0.12643272474272127,0.16992610456197932,0.0,0.1617541819329493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945243549364344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646224197888333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19164933066060624,0.16894500023953354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730089322751304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819622928587661,0.0,0.0,0.20048094973237865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995241800517686,0.1362458863770875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117575953035291,0.0,0.0,0.1405003257279242,0.1031969735761333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015607059066433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877176919069065,0.2809529223777217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969462040799684,0.1975890012908693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,13lack1ce,2018/03/08,"The Rope I'm braiding a rope because it wasn't strong enough to do the job.
Some days I add a braid or two
some days I add several.
Every now and again, 
there comes a day when
I remove a few too.
Today is not that day.
I'm getting near the end of my rope.
I'm not sure what I'll decide to do then.",-1.6222826086956488,0.1126443623188429,1.1128804347826105,102.44584239130435,90.8840579710145,4.029710144927536,14.422101449275365,5.148860815047168,-1.2914507246376812,227,4,61,1,8,78,47,69,0.078,0.922,0.0,-0.5667,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,4,2,4,8,4,13,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,10,37,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431294407227952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805931999645745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.653022298023172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22420857442320974,0.2615632372358149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132829567986107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225618734157696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25120426133121776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859782771044046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385832316583642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399489087382217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472828395787497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lynxxes,2018/03/08,"Looking for a PTSD Victim who experienced virtual reality therapy for interview As the title says, I'm working on an investigative article on the affects of VR on psychology and the medical field and I'm looking to interview someone who has undergone some sort of therapy using VR technology. ",9.419411764705881,10.359237215686278,11.863529411764706,40.2858823529412,59.19607843137255,16.996078431372553,52.29411764705882,15.021129683784007,9.553870588235293,242,18,30,13,3,90,37,51,0.043,0.957,0.0,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,6,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,9,6,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,2,0,20,2,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4647476237283673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27876473473899177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234690698639276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005762491110453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344626519509831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6329033472280838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389959013741788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145433353127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throw1tallaway2014,2018/03/08,"Flashbacks and night terrors Hello, I’m looking for suggestions regarding the following- my night terrors have increased dramatically to the tune of two or three a week when previously it wasn’t more than a one a month occurrence. I live in an apartment building with very thin walls and my screaming of “don’t kill me” while mid episode can be heard by the neighbors. Besides being terribly embarrassed, I’m concerned if someone should call the police I’ll wake up to officers around my bed- something that will most definitely cause further psychological harm. I suppose that I should say something tactful to the other tenants and possibly my landlord ( nice guy) but I’m not sure how to address it. ",9.089211428571431,9.495545304000004,8.271885714285716,67.56280000000001,59.96,10.982857142857142,44.257142857142846,10.608840637214634,5.064154285714285,573,33,89,12,7,179,95,125,0.14300000000000002,0.813,0.043,-0.8897,0,0,2,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,3,9,0,9,1,1,2,1,15,15,9,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,5,1,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,7,0,3,2,5,8,2,13,8,3,16,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,3,6,59,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233485964854367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23208686384509475,0.0,0.0,0.2334877913200871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22505124545906785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514609336896231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069981706062653,0.0,0.19086500790635366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18141942857512697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265895238771023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401649884406227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562335148568552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074885453555345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258071965753468,0.3499554218321758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421662260974972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22202773579561924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753672959011156,0.0,0.0,0.18231704078897212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Sushisavage,2018/03/08,"It's around the anniversary of a major trauma And my symptoms are flaring up. I feel guilty as fuck like everything is my fault and everyone hates me. I feel like everything is my fault. I feel like people would be better off without me. My PTSD coincides with my depression so I know it's probably that too... but I'm also getting the flashbacks, the hyper vigilance, the anger and irritability, lots of crying, lots of replaying and picking apart the trauma and trying to think of how I could have prevented it or how I can prevent it in the future. I feel so fucking alone, like everyone has someone more important than me in their life. I would usually say except my boyfriend, because he usually loves me more than anything in the world, but tonight he ""wasn't feeling"" hanging out, even though he said we would. Probably because I've been feeling shitty and acting shitty. Isn't that great? People just love to abandon me when things get hard. ",5.494980443285527,7.140058802259888,5.853333333333335,77.34758800521514,68.32203389830508,9.061973055193397,32.82442416340721,9.466822959209583,3.2403623641894828,756,34,130,16,13,242,108,177,0.261,0.617,0.122,-0.9834,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,1,11,18,4,0,8,0,14,6,0,3,0,36,31,17,0,4,6,0,7,4,0,3,2,2,0,0,7,10,0,3,8,0,0,2,3,10,0,0,3,9,21,8,19,23,5,16,0,2,0,4,9,9,2,3,9,92,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491101240771875,0.0,0.09644824204753352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924811946938457,0.10736453973590453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704008931854326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666583824571076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629374515448848,0.0,0.13247957095438542,0.0,0.0,0.10387741287785758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965885085320913,0.0,0.0,0.23048760813172026,0.21678504462902276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36589084274184575,0.1723213067875819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229958382137458,0.12602287978205245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329680822679205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080389140209907,0.11907304526775035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662816749240935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518729079514271,0.2356871855115667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506910944542392,0.2177024968501985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722545273976794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600664364642172,0.0,0.1409814738023416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472352889942093,0.0959104012462804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218872004535126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535538095454676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012499103798329,0.07727918846434399,0.11849437405035372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818832748593288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656600237602063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625947927181644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25702423984775397,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gdkjkj,2018/03/08,"I did EMDR.. but I am afraid of letting go my PTSD My PTSD has been ongoing from day to night, for four years, rarely I could think of anything else. It only took one week of EMDR sessions and it scares me that it suddenly worked, my brain feels 'blank' similar to taking a high dose of SSRIs. I know I should be thrilled but it is frightening to me. It is like I miss my PTSD because its all i knew for so long. I am afraid of what freedom would be like. devil you know kind of thing",0.9677227722772273,2.926243247524756,2.3688019801980182,96.06864851485149,81.87128712871288,5.624158415841586,20.000990099009897,6.742157984588678,0.07985861386138593,372,10,86,4,10,120,68,101,0.133,0.727,0.14,0.1901,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,1,9,0,3,1,0,13,2,1,0,1,12,22,4,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,5,0,2,4,1,15,4,12,12,1,9,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,57,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483266598489162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098759625326383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012135497795315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391133715650847,0.0,0.0,0.1162434136389805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057195747840202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113752291287217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024376515612783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19043923001593066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876979149575869,0.19811638755966887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431320004448046,0.0,0.1761176593724096,0.0,0.0,0.1595115645985884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691481588115162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213899192505462,0.13708479836231174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6320919092919258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804571546170698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355221579125341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197470778754102,0.11549401602805118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002593437906101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445820398454189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312208452887314,0.0,0.0,0.12804120689522375,0.0,0.0,0.1160721699294824
ptsd,marrubizko,2018/03/09,"Posted here when first diagnosed 6 months ago I posted on here about 6 months ago when I was first diagnosed with PTSD following a series of assaults by a special education student I work(ed) with. I've been working with a psychologist, psychiatrist, and work comp doctor, and in certain areas things have improved, while in others I still struggle a lot, especially when under stress or when exposed to triggering stimuli. 

My work comp case closed at the beginning of the year, after which things at work changed very quickly from supportive to punitive. When I asked for a very small change to my schedule in order to eliminate an extremely triggering experience from my daily work life, I was ambushed by three directors, who told me that my request was unreasonable and that I needed to pursue ADA accommodations in order for anything like that to even be considered. 

About two weeks later, I received a concussion from another student. After two trips to the emergency room (where I was denied care because they saw my mental health diagnoses and assumed that I was faking) and a week off work from being so dizzy I couldn't walk, I was cleared by work comp to return to work. My employer, however, has not allowed me to return. They've kept me off work for two weeks now with no update as to when or if I'll be allowed to return. I'm terrified that I'm about to lose my job, I'm not allowed to talk to anyone at work, which is basically my entire local support system (the few friends I had abandoned me because they couldn't handle my PTSD), and I'm going crazy sitting at home waiting to hopefully one day find out if I still have a job. I miss my students like crazy and I hate not being there for them and not being there for my team when I am perfectly capable of doing so. I just want to do my job. 

And really I'm just so sick of the stigma and discrimination. I've faced accusations that I can't take care of myself and am unfit to do my job, I've been kicked out of hospitals when I was so sick I couldn't walk, I've overheard doctors talking about how weak and fragile I am, and now I'm on the verge of losing my job and can't even get a straight answer from my employer about what is going on. And I know that this happens to others with mental health diagnoses all the time, and in some cases in much worse ways than what I have experienced over the past 6 months. 

I am just so frustrated and discouraged and alone. I wish I had one friend. Just one friend who actually got it and wouldn't abandon me. ",8.988526901669761,6.942177522448982,8.91799628942486,70.79512059369205,61.53061224489796,12.092764378478662,37.98701298701299,10.735267742514802,3.918020408163265,2006,77,376,39,22,657,227,490,0.146,0.7559999999999999,0.098,-0.9719,11,2,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,3,16,35,26,3,2,18,0,35,13,1,6,4,68,65,39,0,10,12,0,1,2,3,1,12,0,2,0,19,27,0,5,4,1,0,7,11,13,0,9,15,3,51,13,72,41,5,78,0,6,1,0,15,27,0,8,39,268,70,24,0.0,0.0,0.06569745392013035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935540482524877,0.0,0.0,0.0697262367586044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059394672236524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047073747738311016,0.0,0.05540102303694831,0.0,0.06293783791312486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207884863958989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728039804323355,0.0,0.1424374354498393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04341771090555388,0.0,0.0,0.2733253677170755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781571312407315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893230128308513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585472945271552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061531924959174075,0.11452967478484978,0.0,0.0,0.15604055215941967,0.0,0.035173444611924135,0.0,0.07652232848468246,0.0,0.05384428545913483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059533431693815274,0.0,0.0,0.06646744098756609,0.0,0.1431222216803144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675303732564726,0.06686684542777155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33403802687102124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036998913622035536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04755216607658492,0.06578115164221149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063424345114995,0.0,0.057235535127982885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569132827895722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120952616808745,0.0,0.049490089045491424,0.04991908867568942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685924928617685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642673404343623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12895348623744815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573937706762452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043128783465673434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752833430292516,0.0,0.07711817205639518,0.0703805284806888,0.0,0.0,0.15279449302010356,0.0,0.0,0.05061845389208438,0.1082232183998872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945270697446124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039256533328657216,0.0,0.0,0.06432993066319773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729411764166685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109691155566268,0.039708799741451486,0.0534377965695277,0.16200714547938816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741803014860782,0.0,0.0,0.5391307259390262,0.0,0.06860780228441013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335375020756136
ptsd,explodedgiraffe,2018/03/09,"Damaging emotions from work? Hi,

Anybody got traumatized by work load/work stress? I can feel a rush every time I check my work phone. It is ridiculous. I don't want to be so hyper vigilant and sensitive. How can I get over this? ",1.0553333333333337,3.6429659777777808,2.5438888888888904,90.18250000000002,89.22222222222223,6.555555555555558,23.055555555555557,7.793537801064563,1.5005555555555552,179,7,36,4,6,58,38,45,0.278,0.68,0.042,-0.8774,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,4,9,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,4,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,20,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047578108948272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282687323616954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698946170091916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415488264257284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166860681563345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103473905134533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798043903639006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980049904669402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7889559595438166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Phonevhome,2018/03/09,"Is DBT useful for ptsd sufferers or.. I just ordered a DBT workbook thinking it was what I needed to manage distress symptoms. I’m mostly looking for grounding exercises and ways to pop out of this horrible shit. But I’m almost getting triggered because it’s so clearly written for BPD and I just recently suffered abuse from a person with BPD.  Reading through this book  I do not have hurtful behaviors toward others or self destructive behaviors towards myself. What I deal with is an intense feeling of distress when in a trauma place and sometimes I’m forced to take drugs or alcohol to lessen it. Mostly though there is nothing I can do besides try to distract myself and the trauma symptoms can last usually at least a day. 

I’m just wondering should I ditch this workbook if it’s triggering me because it describes BPD behavior. Do other people with PTDS find value in DBT or should I be looking elsewhere?",5.777967032967035,7.809047785714286,6.166666666666668,73.86807692307694,68.16666666666666,8.026373626373626,37.92307692307692,8.617729084823388,3.7498456043956034,740,42,111,12,13,238,106,168,0.215,0.708,0.077,-0.9813,0,0,2,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,2,3,6,0,13,6,1,3,1,32,27,13,0,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,12,8,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,10,0,0,2,3,11,0,21,22,3,15,0,3,2,0,3,8,1,9,5,84,23,3,0.0,0.16946006869310576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284917419165156,0.1432178898756111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743722224172733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404012151263667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223865671064488,0.1474514778903305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586244869300626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231723868267392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13072135736037638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472414402379611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311016468513333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165836602701815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020829986371275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605049385678612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723539845804736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915484264906094,0.12488305200932474,0.1494296531349736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718741821028468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306271796043402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121895891517136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920523859560714,0.0,0.1468120946820515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145440659574596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973134261589663,0.1075362586924944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164401287827288,0.14052036722000386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971039169127122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352682663105125,0.15752074473424205,0.0,0.0,0.11352580480053436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510344178700775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,laceleatherpearls,2018/03/09,"Abusive relationships I was very badly abused as a child and consequently I've been in only abusive relationships. I'm now 31 and have been single (for the first time in my life) for about 6 months. This is the first time in my life I have not been abused by someone. 

I don't know why but I'm starting to feel especially down. I think a lot about getting into a new relationship but I'm afraid it will just be abusive again. I don't really believe people who don't abuse exist.  

Anyone else been in a similar situation?  Has anyone found someone who doesn't abuse them? ",2.5880450522928413,4.890456380530979,4.184505229283992,83.35862429605794,78.11504424778761,6.940949316170556,23.54706355591312,8.00094639256281,1.3587061946902659,453,15,89,8,11,151,71,113,0.159,0.762,0.08,-0.7924,0,1,0,0,4,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,5,2,0,1,6,0,15,2,0,0,0,12,24,5,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,6,1,8,0,13,16,2,15,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,9,58,12,0,0.0,0.8155631872932961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375140315749405,0.1007542124575894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210430088671003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078809441935186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214495711882397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04972033330089089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672847188860406,0.0,0.10781752290497144,0.0,0.0,0.05137515499989696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054041477686705634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891160958043855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359955987095208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848880015140461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949710327704858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478699933040305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817201423496629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299490879988498,0.0,0.0,0.31671988841320337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110530887557216,0.0,0.0,0.16663518055294188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960090297938981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300808698369934,0.0,0.0,0.11467801955539304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113537235484575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873061954926723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway1234136,2018/03/09,"Am a 12-year-old who was recently diagnosed with PTSD, need help. a few months ago I was sexually abused and beaten up over a period of 2 years. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I need help knowing how to ignore it so I can get in pools and do sports without freaking out ",2.337142857142858,4.236899857142856,3.949428571428573,86.69557142857144,77.21428571428572,8.051428571428572,25.485714285714288,8.841846274778883,1.892104285714287,216,8,46,5,5,72,43,56,0.15,0.715,0.135,-0.2187,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,0,12,11,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,9,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,31,6,1,0.0,0.25465040172280384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051761187483132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43628771062784427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112289186714029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881187396408165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811689090333045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155069478970633,0.0,0.0,0.31872760434719466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22552712090082386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502470505749057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122120266795782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20717955974035704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768086779968021
ptsd,nihavoba,2018/03/09,"Analogy to describe Stress and PTSD I've been speaking with a councillor and part of the medical issues I have are with not understanding how stress impacts my symptoms presently.  Was diagnosed around 2 years back with PTSD.

I had an extremely stressful event 8 years ago that lasted 5 days + 4.5 hours + 10 months.  The most intense was the 4.5 hours where i'm sure I exceeded the elastic limit.

There's a physics experiment concerning springs called the Hooke's law experiment.  If we compare the human stress response to the elastic deformation that occurs in normal people they recover.  

If stress ever reaches beyond a limit, permanent damage occurs (beyond elastic limit) when plastic deformation happens.  This means that the stress response has been permanently altered just like a spring that has been stretched beyond it's elastic limit.

Normal people can go their entire lives without exceeding the elastic limit and recover the next day to a resting stress level just like a spring.

I think as well in PTSD the stress response slope is accelerated and the stress reaches a much higher magnitude.

Keep in mind that stress causes high heart rate, high blood pressure, hyperglycaemia (high sugar) which can lead to further mental health issues and type 2 diabetes.

I have neighbour barking dogs to contend with and my reaction to them is acute and damaging but I can't seem to shake the underlying stress response which I think is not only elevated but almost instantaneous

Anyway I hope this helps anyone else understand their symptoms.

* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hooke%27s_law",8.652383205204025,10.876375539325846,7.391649911295093,67.09742164399765,61.39700374531836,9.815809185886065,36.89907352651292,10.064110947511567,4.274749812734083,1307,61,179,28,19,396,158,267,0.038,0.821,0.141,0.9502,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,4,6,14,20,0,13,21,0,17,9,2,3,2,46,28,14,0,5,9,0,0,2,1,0,6,1,0,1,10,13,1,6,6,0,0,3,4,15,1,0,6,2,15,5,22,22,4,36,0,2,0,0,10,15,0,6,20,112,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699026948519537,0.0,0.06437834972295609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449539017225458,0.06587393174466945,0.0,0.05723279831929037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04943596416256522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656485031500528,0.0,0.0,0.06604477198763947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292501034404377,0.0,0.0,0.06525421444526437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053707047739487375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815507093068839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577825977398732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03653817041936045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568524956297794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833853896120777,0.0,0.07618538127498356,0.043093036004074964,0.20378154715968064,0.0,0.06385566780378371,0.12662776259072905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420661835913214,0.0,0.057144972355875664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052405908642940896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281886546528784,0.0,0.05677030726441106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003196415826027,0.0,0.0647666199888701,0.0647904079144475,0.0,0.06491578440465921,0.0,0.051316622280889714,0.0,0.04726142926964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837442032088863,0.0,0.12598345091660867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889635449588108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962110421692175,0.0,0.08914284580411172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254589162324906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852829366007304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8100988732848544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605936949261209,0.13364634643909593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823904096927663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385881261857954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05780550965401179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061974422339412576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280284956145025
ptsd,kuropixie21,2018/03/09,"My husband is too loud when he plays video games. So I have pretty severe ptsd, loud noises can send me into a panic attack almost instantly even with how much self care I do. Whenever my husband plays video games with his friends and gets on discord, he shouts and gets very excited and makes a lot of sudden loud noises. I can’t be in the same room as him and can barely stand being in the apartment. I’ve spoken to him before and he’s said he just likes to be loud and silly with his friends because he never could growing up. I would just try to get over it, but I’ve tried for months already and even if I don’t have panic attacks it makes me anxious enough that I have palpitations and chest pain. How do I explain to him that I love him, and I don’t want to take away his fun but he really can’t be that loud? ",5.7531578947368445,4.717200807017544,6.173216374269008,84.64473684210526,67.24561403508773,8.769590643274856,28.356725146198826,7.3871296695380915,1.4039637426900589,642,16,140,5,9,208,99,171,0.133,0.716,0.151,0.1141,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,15,2,2,4,0,18,3,1,4,1,30,29,17,0,4,5,2,0,1,2,1,1,7,1,1,5,13,0,0,1,6,0,2,5,5,0,0,1,7,20,10,18,22,4,16,0,0,0,1,24,9,0,3,5,91,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455120983581933,0.0,0.17032022558035834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436251869718672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35117259373610793,0.14500938164478794,0.0,0.0,0.09408544546968443,0.0,0.1313336669442732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736194669187015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232295212930312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594765354376073,0.0,0.2038828595075444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384884795467795,0.0,0.2419119609886883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540370093326465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121604185404295,0.13929967324516876,0.0,0.20604895562697748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319430510924087,0.0,0.11345912257188982,0.0,0.1190380587291118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423076087874988,0.36217414437803896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702129230613912,0.0,0.0,0.18041752867723804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988754319094143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681457787981672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101235787527185,0.17436251869718672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604596951245046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095761619123284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273483069909798,0.091034905451608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964012247569338,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hiiamsad,2018/03/09,"Hiding my diagnosis In January I was diagnosed with PTSD. Since then I've been trying to learn all that I can about it and just wrap my head around it I guess. I know support is a big part of getting through this, but I can't tell my family I have PTSD since my trauma happened within the family. I just feel so alone and hopeless. I'm trying to figure out my triggers as well, I'm home for the first time since my diagnosis and I've realized childhood pictures are triggering to me. But I can't ask my family to take them down because that would bring up questions. I just feel lost. I never suspected what I was struggling with was PTSD, but after meeting with psychiatrists it makes sense. How did you all handle your diagnosis? If that's something that's even okay to ask. ",2.971168831168832,5.1052089740259765,4.254545454545454,84.1518181818182,76.14285714285714,7.5168831168831165,25.285714285714285,8.418075326091056,1.7555636363636364,618,22,121,12,14,203,97,154,0.13,0.812,0.058,-0.9173,0,1,1,0,0,1,13.0,0,2,1,2,9,7,0,1,3,1,12,2,1,4,3,32,27,11,0,2,7,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,6,2,22,3,20,20,3,14,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,3,6,86,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295489543978618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287376634006505,0.25807421872561304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414030191900937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009503875244605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911658826157296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903602169536613,0.0,0.13958173411699293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174061475618107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721136881969215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205288702292838,0.0,0.12205729003309194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416560679965263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845286791126685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585632143801413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506733553340889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213444890440928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064553412200986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947036564878255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840403930257946,0.0,0.1546224240739044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425334005379916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062603369640244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442963446426381,0.0,0.0,0.1566320067515231,0.0,0.0,0.10377952575468086,0.0,0.12064214611394194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048496345436494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18742326669444687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241033270253609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805079798994493,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,SheogoFuckYourself,2018/03/09,"I don't know what to do about my mother [NSFW, Advice] She has told me that it's normal for adults to find kids sexually attractive after she told me that she found a 7 year old sexy. I'm horrified that she decided to tell me this less than a week after I told her that I got molested. She told me that it didn't happen, but I'm wondering if she's my abuser. I don't know what to do about the situation; she feels entitled to my body and wants me to have kids, and she also feels like she's said nothing wrong. I don't want kids now or ever, and especially not near her. I was nonverbal until I was 4; she would take advantage of them if she had the chance.

I keep an eye on her at parties so she can't sneak off with a kid, and she doesn't see kids at work. I'm not sure if I truly have PTSD because I have been 'diagnosed' with OSDD and I don't remember most of my trauma. I can't even get a written diagnosis because my psychiatrist fears for my safety should my mother learn that I have OSDD.

I don't know how to get help, because my psychologist doesn't have much knowledge about PTSD and OSDD, and I'm scared to go to a hotline because they might get the police involved, and I can't get away from my mom because everyone loves her and because I'm financially dependent upon her. I can't get help for the OSDD because I don't feel safe with her. 

How do I treat my mental health issues without her noticing; how do I get my mother to wrap her head around the fact that finding kids attractive isn't normal; and how do I tell her to stop acting entitled to me as a human being?",7.217764471057882,4.735021574850304,8.179628742514971,76.07804590818367,65.28742514970061,11.421636726546907,33.344510978043914,9.888512548439397,2.867777085828343,1242,37,269,21,15,427,153,334,0.095,0.7609999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.942,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,2,2,13,13,1,2,12,0,33,6,3,5,3,55,67,23,0,9,8,4,3,1,0,3,2,1,0,8,12,14,0,3,14,0,0,2,17,5,0,0,13,6,61,8,38,50,3,19,0,0,2,1,47,8,0,8,10,185,73,2,0.0,0.11535104046404895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513523911233646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785562567935966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666755598091362,0.0,0.0,0.0914692462462974,0.0,0.0,0.4154315588116937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814066263033388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881437653764567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430277568997941,0.08806415226006252,0.0,0.09302791093688496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955266177558387,0.14767848478759849,0.06955120628958715,0.0,0.0,0.1779633951370591,0.0,0.0,0.10674592169902103,0.0,0.0,0.3051872158699649,0.0,0.05532970644898125,0.0,0.07786455450072788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860916640867412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991543002879318,0.10348496535207956,0.0,0.0,0.13051146265591165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161445841561127,0.0,0.0865345612327212,0.0,0.0,0.1605130740407266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756326528887623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786766738515417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811203487946507,0.103279420704167,0.0,0.1140222696318297,0.0,0.0,0.0715679241143088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907765845044085,0.09341578888005096,0.11084054758678302,0.10215883372958284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22760810604863174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102854654152485,0.0,0.09260793077189043,0.0,0.09747042458902984,0.0,0.07758019468996485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094323181483688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139404604095338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175695757182573,0.0,0.07319965950359025,0.0,0.17018701816383328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721116437475399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484628221033208,0.0,0.07809317863614355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938477913926404,0.10557852081417382,0.07087638909282791,0.0,0.0,0.06915896921600219,0.1064435952938809,0.0,0.06269412653659617
ptsd,youngin54,2018/03/09,"Romantic Relationship with PTSD Is it possible to have a relationship with PTSD? My mother was/is an emotionally, mentally abusive monster. I have serious trust issues and really struggle to be emotionally available towards women who I have feelings for. I’ve never been in a serious relationship. The last girl who I was with wasn’t a girlfriend, but we exclusively hooked up with each other and spent a lot of time together. I caught feelings and when that happened i turned into a wreck. I was constantly triggered and couldn’t escape the hell I had crawled into. She told me she didn’t have feelings for me and it became even worse. If you all could drop me some advice or personal experiences that’d be great!",6.629304495335032,8.109641480916032,7.291246819338423,68.71301950805771,65.4885496183206,10.707718405428329,35.16624257845632,10.746095033038511,4.248841560644614,578,27,94,16,9,191,85,131,0.17600000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.086,-0.9069,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,0,0,2,6,1,1,8,0,16,0,0,1,2,26,24,9,0,3,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,7,13,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,9,3,15,2,14,10,4,12,1,0,0,0,15,5,1,4,5,74,22,0,0.0,0.1831405416140737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510443178277868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703559280819644,0.0,0.12341181489168652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477415879079598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209223184962464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119942272222964,0.0,0.0,0.2344661788913455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170414312259058,0.0,0.0,0.13668601449864412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133124482614306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259954327287538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141014992343975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577051697495733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921415189148865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496483248113278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425479970764246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.361368841146184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990216984704805,0.0,0.0,0.497851999273213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615904486375016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013119067827537,0.0,0.0,0.1476985549993096,0.0,0.0,0.1681281111037079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575203510188581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,dizzysoda,2018/03/10,"Is a physical reaction to a stressor normal? I was in an emotionally abusive relationship as a minor with an adult, who ended up raping me. I made a new instagram account recently and decided to block them just in case they found my new account, and when I pulled up their page, I saw that they made a long post about missing me and wanting me to come back. It’s been around 8 months since I cut them out of my life. As soon as I saw this, I immediately blocked them, but felt dizzy and lightheaded. I almost fell and had to sit down, felt nauseous, and was shaking really intensely. It lasted about 10 minutes before I calmed down, but I was still extremely shaken.

I’m diagnosed with c-ptsd, and when I’m exposed to stressors I usually just get anxious/dissociate, but nothing this physical or bad before. Has this happened to any of you?",6.84611111111111,6.619292870370373,7.6003703703703716,72.63166666666669,64.74074074074075,11.150617283950618,36.518518518518526,10.746095033038511,3.964785185185185,663,30,123,16,9,222,103,162,0.194,0.785,0.021,-0.9707,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,6,0,10,6,2,1,7,0,7,3,0,2,0,29,21,16,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,12,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,5,0,0,12,4,23,1,23,9,1,27,0,1,2,1,10,8,0,2,13,85,30,0,0.0,0.19127545137256508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165499484244172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978212468686248,0.0,0.0,0.18237690983235674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143712408860091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413444218625215,0.13479245041329505,0.0,0.0,0.27474056366260724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906295731189444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385430420306885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18159395129526068,0.14298452097567793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31000806035541234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770064168734074,0.0,0.0,0.08434373057209582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275746314346385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131592017003307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140271340476946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286592150688115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30550959592416044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885680272712408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31183209861512257,0.0,0.0,0.15817316066503107,0.1549023494844409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461121621077434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18871023202463166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034201379098886,0.0,0.15939873220387793,0.17332202005165764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335416597933921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892312591752214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779912271928958,0.0,0.09521922983906124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DeletedC2,2018/03/10,"I know I’m about to lose my mind Two years ago I was tortured for a week believing I would and wanting to die the entire time. When was dumped on the street I was completely psychotic. I went to a Walmart and someone called the police on me because I couldn’t get phones to work and I was convinced people were coming to kill me. Which was true but out of context seemed crazy. I was then insane for about two months. The first month I was in a mental hospital where no one realized what had actually happened because I was unable to communicate. There was no investigation. I somewhat recovered since but I’m paranoid because no one believes what happened to me and so I’m trying to protect myself alone. And the people who did it do it all the time and no one will ever stop them. I have no desire or strength to fight back. I just lay low and hope they have forgotten me. They don’t have time for people like me it was just for fun. Last year on the first anniversary I had psychotic flashbacks and ended up in a mental hospital for three weeks. I can feel my self falling into it again. When I was tortured seconds seemed to feel like hours and I had hallucinations that I was lost in other dimensions of pain or fear. Now flashbacks are those hallucinations. Will it be as bad as last year? Will this go on, every year, forever? Do I have to relive it all every year? I believe they have stolen a piece of my soul to harvest it for energy forever.",2.9456419190565555,5.0587065191637635,4.1331184668989565,85.0908918520504,76.14285714285714,7.063468239077995,25.324175824175825,8.012643519586192,1.529515786652372,1149,41,226,19,26,375,148,287,0.231,0.6709999999999999,0.098,-0.9911,0,1,0,0,1,1,22.0,0,0,4,6,13,18,5,1,12,0,33,1,0,0,4,36,50,19,2,5,6,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,15,12,0,2,6,0,0,4,7,11,0,9,19,2,33,7,35,25,4,44,1,3,0,0,9,13,0,6,29,171,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.10147960546680383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218119325234324,0.0,0.0,0.10770266691842127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079962179636107,0.08682761966551646,0.1901747026735895,0.0,0.0,0.3514846270593317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618579996667893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957850035381634,0.10903192996581663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792559156231464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921046065062683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406524798866088,0.1752327524579801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701808321854013,0.10516131659045068,0.07429074486767652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690832015404298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433067903157876,0.0,0.0591001267223183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391669082695256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032859066512596,0.10240957237024564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504994277497095,0.0,0.05715039066246162,0.1695320705031763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160888919560083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633863021386665,0.11351777882880305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20959567893994,0.0,0.10500063469410048,0.0,0.16600825082117016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113997087151749,0.0,0.11065309114871603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162814977985137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933786407206327,0.10848464085967376,0.0,0.0,0.08602191302621187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811070750063156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694061010242582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191287225664826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060263869752179,0.0,0.203166972483062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06133621762909903,0.0,0.16682961286991266,0.0,0.0,0.09640011970577404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570623171241485,0.0,0.0,0.07387177895873143,0.0,0.0,0.3348319610618605
ptsd,miss_ann_thropic,2018/03/10,"Are intense flashbacks the defining symptom of PTSD? I have been seeing my therapist for about a year, we’ve never discussed a diagnosis, but PTSD came up in passing. 

Basically, over a decade ago my then boyfriend/now spouse was reading his psych major friend’s paper on PTSD and he called me up and said the paper sounded like it was describing me. 

My therapist says he believes the defining symptom is overwhelming flashbacks that engross you in the traumatic event, like you feel like you’re actually there. 

Several years ago, for a period of ~6 months I did have minor flashbacks in public spaces (seemingly triggered by nothing) that sent me into an overwhelming emotional state. 

Also when I came home I found a check list of symptoms which I had 30 out of 34. 

I’m sure no one wants to have PTSD, but if I do have it, I don’t want to be dismissed.

Can someone please provide me with some insight? ",8.053030900723208,7.708586834319526,7.7226824457593715,73.14005259697569,62.313609467455606,10.58803418803419,38.89612097304405,9.994966539143718,3.9438160420775814,721,34,125,13,9,229,116,169,0.046,0.833,0.121,0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,2,10,0,15,3,0,1,2,20,26,8,0,3,3,1,1,3,1,0,3,3,1,0,5,7,0,0,4,1,1,4,3,2,0,1,10,5,17,5,20,15,2,25,0,2,1,0,13,10,0,3,13,80,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.11664244665580792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211909375625676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558679406732286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346675412381784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205182953996885,0.27341722443912536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445332783748748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060437135147656515,0.08539109119893898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310566878878214,0.09234732192983293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989670055997922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751865714776175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540640433001374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218764740544542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469069442827938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099551672948165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312062562384661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5588890711770821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956071577767992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136988513090887,0.09505375710553923,0.0,0.0,0.09524863526334036,0.10881413860627727,0.0,0.13503303536695346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127599976539016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265407388521448,0.3727072281512722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756329974765537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100185864856496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394470239478236
ptsd,HalcionParagon,2018/03/11,Not sure what caused my PTSD I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after finally finding a councillor that fit me and understood me. It made sense and put a lot of things together once I understood this is what was going on. That being said I've had a lot of trauma in my life and am unsure when my PTSD began or what was the thing that caused it? I was subject to seeing my father rape my mom as one of my first memories and ontop of that I lived in a very physically and emotionally abusive household growing up and my older sister also sexually abused me. I also have PTSD symptoms from car accidents I have been in. Having so many triggers related to so many different things makes symptom management difficult for me sometimes. Does anyone else have a similar experience? ,7.760890410958903,7.627751356164385,8.500102739726028,66.62631849315069,62.83561643835617,12.231506849315071,36.74315068493151,11.698219412168324,4.6312630136986295,622,27,104,18,8,210,95,146,0.158,0.8140000000000001,0.028,-0.9634,1,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,6,0,13,5,0,5,1,20,21,13,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,13,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,3,0,2,11,2,17,1,16,9,2,17,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,3,7,82,30,1,0.0,0.2799710601454677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889651100852664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261151577010653,0.1210561295602596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24274016330171325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991727879333865,0.0,0.1234390459298513,0.0,0.0,0.10339171936840108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986971197445876,0.13290009432812866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557097707543405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294248687486768,0.10798472255466536,0.10049624779432596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714597679284366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834511103636098,0.0,0.0,0.10432645341428873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008896482651497,0.0,0.11179407085661296,0.07886440871945409,0.2395661484713184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837298554305213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582328748541882,0.08005983925153835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5524326654686572,0.11877092282782148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665645465930435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238537793755313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941483027212516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168509504400733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135267000523172,0.24560108985897486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23547595213728464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748410421889278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,duckyfeet711,2018/03/11,"Non-military friends with PTSD: how were you finally diagnosed? I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years. I have dealt with trauma, although sometimes I question if my experiences would qualify as ""bad enough"". For many years I dealt with my depression and anxiety without medication (I was extremely religious for some time). I'll be 27 this summer and the last year has been really difficult. I had to get back on medication when my depression spiraled out of control. While it took care of the depression, I found that instead of sadness, all I could feel was panic and fear. I made my first appointment with a physician ( not a psychologist, which is the route I've taken before) last week. I have finally decided that I need medication and I cannot sustain my career/relationship without it. I stumbled on some screening questions for PTSD online and now I'm just stressed because I truly believe I exhibit every symptom. Getting a diagnosis is important to me because throughout my life I have been invalidated by authority figures for being ""weak"" or ""rebellious"" because I couldn't control my emotions. I know it won't convince those that tried to minimize me in the past, but it will give me more confidence moving forward to request reasonable accommodations and hopefully regain some peace and sense of vindication. The problem is, I struggle to talk about my trauma. I am afraid I will be told "" what you went through isn't that bad"". It doesn't help that I'm constantly second-guessing myself. I recently got the courage to write down the top three traumatic memories from my adult life that I feel illustrate the source of my fear. What have been some of your experiences on the road to diagnosis? Did your diagnosis help you at all? Before you respond, please consider the following: 

There are definite religious undertones here. I understand that not all religious people harm others. I'm not trying to attack any religion.

I'm in a really fragile state and my greatest fear is being written off as attention-seeking. Please understand it is difficult to even make myself vulnerable to strangers.

I spent years in Christian Counseling and learning the statutes of Celebrate Recovery. You will be hard-pressed to offer any non medication solutions that I haven't heard before or tried. MMJ sets me free but is expensive. Money is tight and so are options. The one thing I have going for me in all this is good health insurance.

Finally, this was voice dictated so please excuse any typographical or grammatical errors...",7.2065625,9.09638438839286,7.517321428571432,66.10267857142857,64.49107142857143,11.582142857142856,38.776785714285715,11.395327392982844,5.281291071428573,2058,111,314,67,32,670,240,448,0.14300000000000002,0.722,0.135,0.502,0,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,7,0,4,12,30,1,8,16,0,42,11,0,6,4,63,70,25,0,7,12,0,4,0,1,5,11,2,0,1,23,17,0,3,12,0,4,6,11,23,0,3,19,7,51,8,48,39,11,41,1,5,1,0,22,14,0,12,21,227,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490916157883616,0.0,0.11617559691797527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638365100184141,0.0,0.058387047426826426,0.1268001540338145,0.13886239013139132,0.0,0.1938377057743557,0.08554940049285835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774177696464312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205555380605192,0.1703284663588741,0.06062555079967597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616005997590768,0.0770694165301833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541331849538407,0.0,0.07845808941786211,0.0,0.05015239257022431,0.0,0.06397601387967577,0.0,0.0,0.14855219966051578,0.0,0.25633394708985924,0.07678703616105036,0.0,0.0,0.2495394963759843,0.0,0.0645877496463976,0.0,0.08325555643399694,0.0586649013977725,0.0,0.07934270795980303,0.07284092637096863,0.043153924987673696,0.06368818785974335,0.0607297844101414,0.0,0.083647696513324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802018822523791,0.0,0.0,0.08071220179477165,0.0,0.0,0.10179128412109056,0.0,0.0,0.07541764316097703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173026029625699,0.12378948505259815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726608290708824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718487268819824,0.05068522256480572,0.07698316484852305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30597414469597184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070373573089315,0.0,0.056302641355063875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145351162654199,0.0,0.0,0.0890898818640533,0.0,0.0,0.07248571869626028,0.05264171189836131,0.0,0.0,0.2500517153334112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726567020481725,0.17752096957293698,0.0,0.17012251271675125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728801113833573,0.07807077779624423,0.07497372343285523,0.08152258814427778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750987235703857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697988882485062,0.1587612978743288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892245756855754,0.0,0.06103129297337322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05044586963258655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0442765798711964,0.0,0.0,0.07255631283769877,0.084363284088479,0.15465860108557658,0.0,0.0,0.15809585133525034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060908097823012965,0.0,0.0,0.07038975659276815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639154298608867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053939938620931265,0.0,0.0,0.195590962422524
ptsd,bass9045,2018/03/11,"[advice/insight needed] husband has severe ptsd flashbacks and regressions I would appreciate any insight from other ppl with ptsd and flashbacks. My husband had several things happen to him when he was a teenager and occasionally when things get very bad for him he has very bad flashbacks complete with regression to the time when the trauma happened. 

It is heartbreaking to see, and obviously he does not recognize me and does not understand why we live together and why he’s not living at his parents house  

Does anyone have experience with this kind of flashbacks? And what kind of things would be most helpful for your partner to do to help you back up to the present?",10.079,9.571151566666673,8.828333333333333,67.39000000000003,58.33333333333334,11.666666666666664,41.66666666666667,10.864195022040775,4.682166666666666,548,26,87,11,6,169,79,120,0.123,0.813,0.064,-0.8340000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,2,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,21,16,10,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,9,2,16,11,1,8,0,1,1,0,16,2,0,1,6,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284333727947333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546315672028237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498116990148472,0.2279894103369607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314641767543307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584282342831681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355002863729798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132994963661161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414615191242823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830229231268965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753432904869227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28434462753684825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24111245216888585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012333628516826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159755923359208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191865300462199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087946891404174,0.0,0.0,0.30847428030475865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721082831272002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961024506231618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421298743573743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22529886377298464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24638954855463785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939703448076012,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,prolapsaurus,2018/03/11,Video Games and PTSD Hey guys it is my first time posting and I just wanted to know how many other people turn to video games as well for support for their illness?,2.7672727272727258,4.8506699696969715,2.645454545454548,95.68818181818185,76.57575757575758,4.4,20.090909090909093,3.1291,-0.5321636363636362,131,3,27,0,3,39,28,33,0.07400000000000001,0.795,0.132,0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721959597007333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3168551099894851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586629526632871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244346884891388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22185106880036906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064761862730853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740685419793484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631377085696196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865973999138809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34807338223643103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18874715002016929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28772278882532715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,greencoffeemonster,2018/03/11,"Could these recurring dreams and symptoms be ptsd? I have recurring dreams that have happened at least 20 times, probably more. The location and details differ some, but the dream is usually me, or my family and I packing up and moving out to a different place and being unable to finish moving. The new tenants arrived and I can't collect my things. Sometimes there's an angry landlady. Another version of the dream is that I am living in my ex's house (he emotionally abused me, gaslighting, narcissist abuse) without him knowing about it. In the dream I fear him coming back and finding me there. He shows up and I'm trying to hide. Once he chased me around the city with a gun and once he wasn't upset. Other times I wake up before he finds me. Sometimes I have recurring dreams of trying to get home via public transit and it's taking forever and many switches, always around dusk. I wake up pretty stressed out after these dreams. 

I often have other unpleasant dreams that stress me out too. I was raised by a covert narcissist and later had a relationship with a narcissist with bi polar. It's been 3 years since we last had contact, but I find myself thinking about him often. Intrusive thoughts, usually fearful. Not reminiscing.

I have derealization from time to time.

I always imagine horrible scenarios like accidents and being ill, dying, someone getting hurt, my boyfriend leaving, etc. These are sneaky intrusive thoughts and I don't enjoy them. The one I had lately was because my boyfriend left the window wide open and I imagined my baby falling out of the window. I imagined crying, the police and paramedics, how excruciating it would be. I imagined how empty and destroyed I would be and would probably kill myself. I got so scared that my heart started palpitation. I had to like shake my head to get out of it. Now I'm paranoid about the windows. I always imagine scenes that I am afraid of in great detail. I can feel the feelings and get upset. 

I was also molested a lot from age 2 and raped a bunch of times at 11. I didn't really show many symptoms from the abuse until that abusive relationship happened. My mom's reaction to the sexual abuse when I was a child was more hurtful than the abuse itself. She's a very selfish person. 

I often feel really uncomfortable in my head but not a panic attack. It's like the emotion of the panic attacks without the physical symptoms. 

Can this be ptsd? 

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ptsd,I_lost_the_camera,2018/03/11,"Sexual abuse / Combat related PTSD. So when I was about 9 years old I was molested by a cousin of mine. Shortly there after my parents start to split so my brother and I are exposed to a lot of violent fights between my parents. We are fearing for our safety as one of my dad's mistresses becomes delusional and threatens to kidnap me and my brother. Eventually, my mother attempts suicide, after waking me up to say good bye.   

Once they finally divorced her boyfriend who comes off initially as a good dude eventually starts getting drunk around us and with higher frequency. He turns out to be a really mean drunk and is verbally abusive, i.e. screaming at me and my brother threatening to murder us, pulling a gun on me at one point.  

My response to all of this is to start doing drugs, crying in my room writing suicide notes, and considering a hard attempt at suicide. However, I believe all of this was hardening my soul, and causing me to detach and become emotionally numb. As I become an older teenager I have trouble feeling, and any girl that causes me to feel anything I cling to heavily causing them to leave me. In one of these relationships I have pressured my girlfriend to have sex with me somewhat often (I didn't realize that I was being manipulative and cruel, I was really confused on what a healthy relationship was and someone else suffered for. I feel terrible now, we have discussed it, and it seems to be water under the bridge, though it is one of my biggest regrets.)

Fast forward to me being 19 years old and I am involved with heavy combat in Afghanistan, where I was involved in multiple fire fights as well as 2 IED strikes and 1 RPG strike that went through the window of my truck. After that I felt more emotionally numb than before, except for fear and sadness, and I had a lot of trouble sleeping as well. So I sought help at behavioral health. There I was able to get sleep aids and was perscribed an anti depressant. Eventually, I attempt suicide, but can't go through with it.  

About 6 months later I have a full on flash back to being in my truck after it is hit by an RPG. And have to be restrained by someone. All of this is brushed under the rug so I deploy again to Afghanistan, this time was less intense combat wise, but still saw dead people, and some of my friends were hurt. One of my friends also committed suicide just prior to this deployment.  

After my second deployment to Afghanistan I am feeling only anger and sadness. I have premonitions of being attacked regularly. The only times I feel anything truly good was when my kids are born. I couldn't physically cry for any of my 3 grandparents who died around this time, even though I was close with them when I was younger.  

About a year ago, I'm 25, and I have been killing it with my career, my family that I've made is awesome, so I feel like I'm in a good place and  really start participating in therapy, I tell someone for the first time ever that I was molested (16 years). I start EMDR, yada yada. But within the last 6 months my job in the army has become exponentially more difficult with a deployment back to Afghanistan. I work much longer hours, many of my soldiers who I am responsible for start having a lot of their own individual issues. My wife and I start fighting much more often.  

2 weeks ago I snapped. I had worked my 5th 16hr day in a row and I got into an argument with my wife at the very beginning of the day, and I fucking lost it. and was planning to kill myself, but I sought help. I spend 7 days in a mental ward, where my reaction to combat related triggers get exponentially worse everyday. Yesterday, I had a nearly continuous panic attack from the beginning of the day, until I fall asleep. I can't sit with my back to anything, be fucking ANYWHERE with a lot of people or I start figeting and sweating. My Therapist diagnoses me with PTSD, specifically delayed onset PTSD, and I'm being medically discharged from the Army. I guess I have just disconnected/went numb essentially since I was 9 yrs old and 17 years later it all hit my like a ton of bricks.

This is the worst feeling like ever. Always bad. Always on high alert. My 3 year old son is always asking ""why [this]?"", ""why [that]?"" I have no patience for anything anymore, and I fear in my most desperate time I'll only push way my children and wife. My anxiety is completely debilitating. 

I guess, I just want to know if anyone has experienced something similar, and if they got better..",5.6419050567595495,6.702957858823531,6.384848297213626,75.84679979360166,67.47058823529412,9.164912280701754,33.02992776057791,9.368774924056119,3.077156862745098,3540,154,634,68,57,1164,383,850,0.205,0.7140000000000001,0.081,-0.9987,5,0,2,1,6,6,104.0,5,0,5,9,37,51,15,6,35,0,63,18,5,6,7,106,107,58,10,5,11,12,10,3,3,0,7,2,3,3,28,52,3,2,12,2,1,7,5,38,2,7,29,15,109,13,119,66,21,114,1,7,1,3,49,41,2,16,70,454,137,4,0.050272315736040615,0.11912894711460872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912674928407897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04020275273122426,0.12549178177089887,0.0,0.0,0.06837379722334012,0.0,0.03845818393669189,0.0,0.04985662863594339,0.035151572052201624,0.0,0.1654793294874247,0.0895060387099021,0.0469978289494138,0.11438403339377355,0.0,0.11596892302847192,0.04197528376356277,0.0,0.22208729214081369,0.04277803796035765,0.05663968453118416,0.0,0.044461777932122894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493054922285368,0.0,0.0433051485915508,0.05270956657840603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044355645990833,0.1296859388993273,0.0,0.04329947187870591,0.05102534224814839,0.05217472675895205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829992584988404,0.0,0.04199606899480291,0.11309917746867128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03320439041415309,0.09094837545528277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047392265154415296,0.1697109952163241,0.1779343534515309,0.07182910481342211,0.048269306858474616,0.05507086459745253,0.0,0.04276160608345175,0.0,0.0,0.07768053286358781,0.09295189164133216,0.07879563017630271,0.0,0.028570915558762643,0.16866413314210385,0.08041472671510727,0.0,0.11076124706847976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045034120410357065,0.0,0.0,0.05343712078794488,0.0,0.0,0.06739294708586534,0.053115461716789804,0.0,0.0,0.049508104413155916,0.0,0.05381755375219655,0.0,0.0,0.05247123647075274,0.049887516222447525,0.0,0.11123773779736587,0.0,0.02762834999389046,0.04097864708147316,0.0,0.05323112361510776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368154234762962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487817121906844,0.17095890033503364,0.0,0.04756888068318392,0.0,0.050968237604382606,0.0,0.054761289670917486,0.0,0.050644069188203925,0.05066267008707734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025376558927774,0.0,0.07391187294555035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100935460490414,0.053538375547988994,0.17032911100249268,0.1147030844236997,0.0,0.058983730740716125,0.11164291459482656,0.0,0.0,0.0697049877130015,0.0,0.05252387002718953,0.0,0.0475235878190231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629694053415007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661719827016793,0.0,0.0,0.10794730642310016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03997856325630479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576602814995792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04158577907662928,0.0,0.10061724360247473,0.0,0.1277867099499493,0.038702084736731986,0.0,0.0,0.28466403062526885,0.0,0.04014753628619962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.274948769441047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043940219795310466,0.0,0.05749077431992261,0.05837003330793999,0.0,0.0,0.09878458992834267,0.0,0.14657095792469607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468184346194355,0.0,0.0,0.1209428119269629,0.0,0.0,0.04147992542505461,0.02965191433190441,0.039903824247583534,0.040325419304112466,0.0,0.0904016986182155,0.04660294034408869,0.0907258911865382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319768919245648,0.0,0.05123178461911381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424233854836767
ptsd,ki_lee3,2018/03/11,"My dad killed himself in front of me. Now my life is a complete tragedy. I don’t want to live anymore. I’ll try to make this as short as possible; in the summer right before my senior year of high school started, and right before my birthday, my dad committed suicide. Me, my little sister, and my mom were in the house when he did it. We were all in our rooms and he was downstairs when we heard a loud pop..we rushed down the stairs and found him slumped over in his chair, covered in blood, holding a 9mm handgun in his right hand. He had shot himself in the head. That was the end...here I am 3 years later, even more depressed than ever. I live with my little sister and my mom. My mom has become extremely abusive and irrational. She absolutely despises me and my sister. And now she has a boyfriend who she puts before us. I don’t want to go on all day but basically my life is a living hell. I have no friends because I can’t relate to anyone about anything. I hate social media, all of the trends, the slang, all of it, I’m annoyed by everything. Everyone seems so hateful and unsympathetic these days. So it’s just me and my sister. The only reason I’m still in the house is to protect my sister from our mom because she is extremely dangerous. (Points her gun at us and makes lots of other threats) we’ve gotten the police involved before but they just took our mom’s side and left. I don’t know what to do. I want to be here for my sister but at the same time I just want to die. But that’s so selfish...I don’t know...I can’t see a point to life at all. We all just die anyway so what’s the purpose. I guess I’m just asking for motivation to live..someone please give me a good reason. 

Thank you",1.3053783893160684,3.3525320509915018,2.9513605827600173,91.86655524079323,81.1813031161473,5.507373532982596,21.700445163901254,6.610729790773281,0.37175635774989857,1326,41,287,13,35,437,180,353,0.158,0.763,0.079,-0.9886,0,0,0,2,0,3,51.0,8,1,1,1,19,12,8,0,19,0,22,6,3,5,8,49,46,24,4,4,9,13,1,0,1,0,3,2,1,0,11,16,0,2,6,0,0,5,7,9,0,0,10,4,51,3,39,35,9,48,1,1,1,0,43,28,1,3,15,186,62,3,0.0,0.09708299117546157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126036123268987,0.05729287200136773,0.0,0.06742789503920192,0.0,0.07660085854317555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989714426966048,0.09049395275165983,0.2788924091011078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591030997815773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568631022678532,0.0,0.0705729774016791,0.0,0.17007716966216044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725726426914623,0.0,0.0,0.05411919805624638,0.07411750498603224,0.0,0.07829515728878075,0.07364048464325575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984065798307588,0.06330500410824197,0.0,0.0,0.07860228234079003,0.046567186401768636,0.06872560761281067,0.0,0.0,0.09026381439758148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179338895763562,0.08409190565386332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657187066667728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890906284705012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065212594022556,0.0,0.09006183378986682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902574816135607,0.0,0.17362544700448646,0.0,0.16424656653734146,0.2894106026794085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966065685372527,0.0,0.0,0.1093883445209035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4798232834285986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06231745125831914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994318856928192,0.1549155656491054,0.09237265016911388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237020245452309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684915781453115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20992350968819445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292551068603891,0.06529388314294253,0.07459317008390541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352535166294901,0.06942570122483614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799605436489104,0.0,0.06543569813036106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962674347039826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543739272311357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777863771797663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103600140046826,0.055630443097555056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712236576295564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331634214145124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055306186891761
ptsd,zendotpy,2018/03/11,"PTSD led me to be involuntarily discharged from my job (But this job is far different from the others I had in the past: this job was a God-send, a haven for the weary and the burdened, however nothing good really lasts forever.) Long time reader but first time posting things.

I never took counseling until now. In the past I used to work at two nursing home facilities and three restaurants but none of those workplaces never appeal to me, or you know never led me to consider thinking of taking counseling which is what I meant. Until on December 7th, 2017, my first day of orientation I was hired for a job at a nursing home where the backdrop view is phenomenal, it was like a valley along the canal and behind the fenced canal was someone's houses that looked like treehouses. Then there was a black cat and her third batch of kittens. Her first two batch of kittens were eaten by coyotes. 

Yeah we have a lot of coyotes around here. While coyotes were roaming around the small town, the third batch of kittens were taken to an animal shelter by a homeless woman. And they were taken to a better place the day before Christmas so that way they won't be fated to die by coyotes like the previous batch. I feel like me and the cat have something in common. Maybe she has ptsd - I don't really know. 

I don't want to sound evangelical but I feel like God had given me a second chance after I quit from the past nursing home. Well enough about the past job where I used to work.

I got an interview from this job while I was at another hospital which shared the same company. I didn't like the hospital where I was because the interviewer didn't tell me on the phone that he was sick and he wasn't going to show up. That was a red flag. One minute later........a woman called me on the phone and said she is a dietary supervisor from another hospital that shared the same company. 

The next day I was there and was greeted by a young woman. She is the same age as my older sister. And everything went downhill from there when my childhood bully is working there as well. She doesn't even remember who I am. I remember who she is. I yelled at her and I got a warning then I couldn't keep my emotion in check because there this short woman in the kitchen with Napoleon complex who is so manipulative. I didn't want to report her at first because the administrator is always so busy and I was just being considerate but instead I got shafted because I made an emotional outburst and she reported me to him. I told him everything but that was the last strike unfortunately. 

Well anyway I got discharged yesterday and I'm just writing this so I could make a progress report and see how much improvement I made because hopefully, in ninety days I could probably return to the hospital if the job is still available. I don't know. I hope so. I really like the job. I really like drawing caricature of my dietary supervisor in funny scenarios. But I guess nothing will ever last forever.  

The CNAs and the LVNs are really cool and hardworking. The administrator is nice but he has to abide with the law so I don't really blame him for having to discharge me like that. My dietary supervisor hated to see me go but I guess it was her first time being forced into the situation where she had to dismiss someone from the job. ",4.483225064673757,6.139902198748048,5.432381591134112,79.34223340040243,70.83098591549296,8.596608220753089,28.690268595701188,9.126234315654434,2.457740608731755,2631,100,491,54,49,863,270,639,0.066,0.799,0.135,0.9927,11,0,1,0,0,0,56.0,1,1,2,11,32,22,1,0,53,2,57,3,0,9,4,78,96,44,1,8,13,1,2,9,0,2,1,3,4,4,23,24,2,2,11,1,1,6,15,2,3,12,40,12,73,20,68,47,7,78,1,0,6,0,41,28,0,7,51,357,96,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765925480797445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012036738494675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019777800314141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457837943060822,0.0,0.04873871537802978,0.0,0.0,0.05065706711100375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848646938665612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146243616300401,0.0,0.0,0.14775633399559565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944473563251236,0.059842528406284526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288583788074408,0.0,0.05918270349876002,0.0,0.03783107900357891,0.05181054574682692,0.0,0.0,0.10295418603599586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792219039982631,0.08183774811281178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359996944461976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510395464133686,0.04804143417770248,0.18323937536367055,0.0,0.12619468197183156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056549419612165024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723612353856426,0.1137784528501462,0.0,0.06609024857564634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5115494335439938,0.050910645573349136,0.0,0.0,0.09443422496127683,0.14006579393834032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518449110094724,0.0,0.0,0.05068855790872439,0.048098458727718174,0.0,0.0,0.048695063998094736,0.0,0.10839422502816334,0.03823300466629302,0.0,0.05754268947728613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042105364227884766,0.0,0.13252722318367488,0.0,0.060914998043253864,0.0,0.0,0.10991811943986046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881254240522408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871043913127156,0.0,0.0,0.059842528406284526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485576618676464,0.0,0.061754555825736475,0.0,0.13390806461131652,0.0,0.0,0.060921398642332376,0.0,0.0,0.22015961234483028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297679022500085,0.0,0.054483774732842716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128509439714462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438202128902606,0.0,0.0,0.09706164474890992,0.04409482020348838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574168048556865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306535871898511,0.0,0.050062835238874566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805245535997942,0.036700944751442935,0.0,0.0,0.10019646353482103,0.0,0.0,0.05473086053328228,0.06363712480683245,0.0,0.0,0.11190308798576594,0.0,0.0,0.09893829606804798,0.0,0.0,0.06756720419836333,0.04546400969348331,0.0,0.0,0.1544973613350404,0.05309657837310615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509554586818628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AutisticSmartGeek,2018/03/12,"I think I have undiagnosed PTSD For 4 years, I lived in an assisted living facility. At times during those 4 years, I was emotionally abused (i.e. not being allowed to express negative emotions, being falsely accused of sexual misconduct, etc.). A year after I had left the community, my mom and I had to revisit the area, in a building right near the facility I once lived in. I began to have a panic attack when I was there. When I see the people associated with the traumatic events, it feels as though an old wound is opening up. Then, I sometimes have an emotional meltdown or I simply shut down and pretend to be a character in one of my fantasy stories so that I can disassociate from the revisiting of the emotional trauma. I believe that this is PTSD, but it still has yet to be diagnosed by a professional. ",9.354453781512603,7.633136751633991,10.441475256769378,59.13235294117649,60.568627450980394,13.971615312791787,42.1185807656396,12.785403640627713,5.585854154995331,645,31,110,20,7,227,101,153,0.112,0.8690000000000001,0.019,-0.8793,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,1,1,15,0,15,2,0,1,0,10,19,10,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,5,2,16,0,22,10,1,26,0,0,1,0,2,13,0,1,13,90,22,1,0.0,0.16011643478572318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373898676198572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225425178645205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371622276932384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6080482540002483,0.0,0.0,0.1507145946726122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832983440121206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682783489813728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579879955990193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827199500047032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418046007460705,0.1439175620131358,0.09157300775168664,0.0,0.0,0.15855532857985588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368767532756768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31593818592556194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540711557541312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768749145016117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336549397360322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792138319483964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659097523499902,0.13277240111825225,0.0,0.0788000558871813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610733284067793
ptsd,30120205268462305,2018/03/12,"Survey thread - Surveys posted outside this thread will be removed If you have a survey you would like to share with us, you may do so here, please use the following format. Failure to do so will result in your survey being removed. Surveys not posted in here will result in a ban, the length of which will be decided at mods' pleasure.

__Who I am__: _(Student, Researcher)_

__Affiliation__: _(university, company)_

__Target group__: _(PTSD sufferers, military vets)_

__Compensation__: _(raffle, payment)_

__Link__: _(how to access survey)_

__Background__: _(why are you doing this survey? Bachelor thesis, making a website)_

__Link to results__: _(Optional, for when the survey is completed)_",2.2689953271028003,1.054084859813088,3.5392313084112166,74.45258528037384,153.6728971962617,5.182149532710281,25.104906542056074,6.124889420169582,2.4842226168224304,508,24,65,11,40,164,76,107,0.08800000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.094,-0.0828,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,5,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,16,0,0,6,0,16,19,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,11,10,0,10,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,2,52,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087029252466586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384300697777092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653346583243436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32319433400261804,0.0,0.0,0.5639626779886988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34417143343402384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541615142468789,0.2542918925615046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26567613644890403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091537246463906,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,blueberry0721,2018/03/12,"I just don't know what to do, mostly just a vent post, but if you think there's something that can help I'm all ears Honestly theres probably nothing anyone could say that could help (although your more than welcome to try, I will always appreciate support) but I've been on meds to treat my PTSD for about a year now and about 6 months for the medication i'm on now, and its working so well, I've honestly never been this happy in my entire life. However, I'm studying abroad in france for this semester and I'm about to run out of this medication, and I cant get anyone to prescribe me a medication I feel comfortable taking, so I may just have to go off my meds. In france it seems that doctors just automatically want to give you xanex for anything anxiety related, obviously I dont think theres anything wrong with taking Xanex in general, if it helps someone thats great but since I have been taking a non-addictive medication in the states that has worked wonders, and my US doctor has made it clear she doesn't like prescribing Xanex unless nothing else works I'm incredibly uncomfortable with it. I have now been going to doctors appointments for a month now trying to get something I can take (I've taken SSRI's before, and while they still leave me with way too many mental illness symptoms, the worst of them are gone), and of the 5 different doctors appointments I've had all have been really against prescribing me anything other than  Xanex. Im honestly just so scared, the last time I went off medications I failed every assignment I had during that time period, and spent almost every second of my day in bed feeling like crap, and this time, since I'm abroad I don't even have friends that I can reach out to in person, just through text for the second half of the day, thanks to the time difference. I've already noticed my mental health getting significantly worse just from the stressed cause by all this. I'm just so worried, and I know the worry is just going to make everything worse, because even though i'm medicated right now its making me miserable, so I'm going to crash fast and of course I'm going to dun out right in the middle of midterm week. Anyways thanks for reading all this, I just needed to get it out somewhere and I didn't know where else to go. 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ptsd,chef-boy-par-ty,2018/03/12,"male suffering from fecklessness c-ptsd After therapy and some self-analysis, I've come to realize that I'm more in line with a quiet or waif type pwbpd. It's been suggested that I have c-ptsd and am highly sensitive as I was raised by a neglectful and controlling mother. Also, I was emotionally and physically abused by a more typical male pwbpd, thus I became much more servile and inward as being emotionally and physically degraded in school and in the home left me emotionally broken and in constant fear for my safety and psychological well-being. I tend to distance myself from romantic and platonic friendships for fear of rejection. I know some psychological categories overlap; and quiet bpd explains my conditions gratingly accurately. I'm curious as to the men and women who relate to this type of malewbpd and how do I climb out of this existential feeling of hopelessness and despair. Around masculine or dominant personalities, I feel insecure and emasculated, even though I'm a fairly sizable guy; my mentality is what's broken and full of despair. I've missed out on enumerable opportunities because I'm cowardly and feckless. I feel hollow emotionally and psychologically or just plain indifferent and tend to dissociate. I've considered initiating the practice of some type of self-defense to bolster my self-esteem and thwart feelings of distress when faced with a masculine male. I have therapy sessions scheduled but at the moment, I'm currently looking for some advice and insights. The only time I feel 'comfortable in my own skin' is when I'm drunk and or stoned. I, in the past have been ridiculed for an effeminate walk, been erroneously suspected of being gay and I have an effate look. Perhaps this facial look is a projection of my despair and a subconscious psychosomatic cry for help. I'm in my late twenties and have yet to accomplish anything of significance. I tend to watch mostly movies geared towards women or emotionally sensitive people yet will watch a fight in the UFC. I'm at a loss as to how to feel comfortable in my own skin and gaining as sense of self and self-realization.

Any advice is appreciated.

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ptsd,artfulescapism,2018/03/12,"Having panic attacks and intense depression... can't think straight for very long... can't do anything but try to distract myself... Even if I had someone I could talk to I don't think it would matter because I don't really have anything to say.
Just really really depressed and can't stop having panic attacks.

I know what triggered it and I'm sure it will pass but right now it just feels awful.

Sometimes writing about it helps though so figured it was worth a try.

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ptsd,Donkers666,2018/03/12,"PTSD? I understand no one here can diagnose me, but due to personal circumstances, I cannot see a therapist or a doctor.

I'm just asking if you think it's possible. Anyway, here goes. 

I was sexually assaulted by my best and only friend at the time. He was not happy about me being trans (he was the only one i'd told), I believe he did it to try 'fix' me. I was extremely depressed before this happened, and looking back I believe he was grooming me to make me feel like I needed him. He was abused as a kid. I managed to stop him going too far but it was still traumatic and it lasted a long time, it also happened again in the morning. 

Pretty much from the night after it happened I started having nightmares. Nightmares about him, or being assaulted in public with no one helping me, being raped, killed, stabbed, all sorts of horrible things. Dreaming was my escape, but the event ruined it for me. I was constantly shaking, I couldn't hold a pencil in class because my hands trembled so much. A tall male would walk past me and I'd immediately feel like I was back there again, I couldn't see it, but I'd get the same taste in my mouth, the lighting would go red and I'd start hearing him whispering the same things. I was on edge all the time, checking behind me, checking doorways, worried he'd break into my room, constantly worried he'd try to get me again.

All of this happened during final exams. I started drinking alcohol to numb myself, usually pepsi and vodka. I'd do this in school because it'd take my mind off my body and senses, it'd dull everything down. The nightmares and fear made me suicidal, I was going to kill myself but someone must have sensed I was going to, so my school made me go to hospital or they'd phone the police. The hospital gave me valium and prozac, the valium really did calm me down.

I managed to do pretty well in exams that year, but honestly it burned me out. The nighmares kept happening every other night for about 9 months, finally stopping after I found some psilocybin mushrooms growing near my house (I am NOT recommending them to anyone with PTSD), I didn't trip on them because I took such tiny amounts, but it stopped the nightmares. The next year I flunked school pretty hard, also due to home circumstances and looking after my dying nan who had dementia.

Last year I was in court, he got charged with sexual assault but he only got community service. 

The nightmares are coming back. I fantasize about killing him a lot, I think about how i'd do it, how it'd feel. I already promised myself i'd get revenge by my own hands, because I feel like there was not justice and I've been wronged in a terrible and very personal way. I don't feel like a man would just let this go, I can't let it go. I want to hurt him. I get caught up in the thought of him getting mad and finding me, killing me. I know i'm probably worthless to him but still, I can't help but think about it. 

I had a nightmare about him again last night, and now I feel horrible. He was trying to hunt me down, and he was saying pretty evil things to me. I don't want to live if the nightmares won't go away. I can't handle it right now. 

Do you think it's possible I have PTSD? 
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ptsd,petercowles,2018/03/12,"Bad PTSD Episodes I get bad PTSD episodes and I really want to see a therapist about it but I don’t have the money for it and I can’t ask my parents for help because I can’t let them know about my PTSD. I was ok for a couple of months and I thought maybe I had finally overcome it, but the past couple of days I’ve had really bad episodes to the point were I’ve had physical pains in my sides. I don’t know what to do",0.8297872340425556,2.1355049042553205,2.8010106382978712,95.90875,79.74468085106382,6.827659574468084,22.388297872340427,7.6454224807358475,0.6113021276595747,327,10,83,5,8,110,50,94,0.14300000000000002,0.773,0.084,-0.7433,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,0,5,1,12,1,0,0,0,9,19,5,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,6,1,13,1,11,12,0,7,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832325842836794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974169233201135,0.0967160827408564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351102806406425,0.0,0.10232090215589833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738014343248401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289194684748398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634471559979164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743879233444602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223794809022782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939269039980752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663882863781284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688226672940708,0.0,0.17617027470532995,0.0,0.15145644750154302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998253228061342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5563860556010538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20327999523943585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264294119855545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842134781188444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595625900376034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358024935749172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,astaff197,2018/03/12,"6 months on from trauma & subsequent diagnosis-my thoughts & experiences 

On August 29th at around 11 pm I was mugged by two men, one who put a gun to my chest. My money and phone was stolen and I developed PTSD due to the incident (diagnosed by a therapist.) I am a 21 y/o female, 20 at incident/diagnosis.

I have lost around 45 pounds from this trauma, I imagine due to the hypervigilance/paranoia (that activates the sympathetic nervous system like crazy) & just simply not being able to eat. 

PTSD changed my life in a major way, as before I was mugged I would walk by myself anywhere, at any time of day, without feeling fear. Now whenever I pass by someone on the street I open my emergency app that calls the police/gives location at the press of a button. Men, especially young black men, are the worst for me. Whenever a man walks behind me or toward me I imagine them killing/raping me, whenever a man has his hand in a pocket it's because he's holding a gun... etc. I also suffered from visual hallucinations in the first month or so after that would occur whenever I was outside at nighttime basically. 

I am much better off than I was. I can eat more normally now (though I am still losing weight) and my fear response has decreased in intensity in most situations. I still am extremely fearful of young black men, particularly ones I pass by in public or outside, but I can now walk home from work (a half hour walk + almost always at night) without panicking. The hypervigilance has also decreased in intensity, though I am always passively vigilant, and seem to scan my surroundings unconsciously. 
I still can't walk down the right side of streets, nor walk anywhere near where my mugging occurred (I had to the other day briefly and I was panicking heavily the entire time.) 

One of the hardest things has been the way PTSD has affected my other mental illnesses/my personal relationships. My boyfriend tells me that I've changed a lot and I guess I have; I am more sensitive, frighten a lot more easily, and I've become more forgetful and passive than I already was. Before my diagnosis, I didn't know what it was truly like to be suicidal. I thought I did, but it pales in comparison to how I have felt in the grips of PTSD. Anyway.


The other hard thing has been feeling like a failure for developing ptsd for something so... relatively minor. My mother was strangled and beaten by her then-boyfriend on the side of the road; he nearly killed her, and she didn't develop ptsd. I know it's a case by case thing but I still feel really weak and pathetic a lot bc  I was so affected.

I guess I don't really know what the point of this post is, I just want to share my experiences with people who have also experienced this disorder. PTSD makes me feel so isolated at times and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Just... were not alone, and things can improve. Recovery is slow but it happens, and it's good.

Thanks for reading.

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ptsd,allthesnacks,2018/03/13,"Can symptoms worsen once you are in a safer environment? I've experienced prolonged abuse since childhood including domestic abuse in adulthood from 2011-2016. I started to experience my first symptoms a few months after I moved into my own place in 2017 and was diagnosed with PTSD. As my life has gotten better, more stable and safer I have seen my symptoms actually becoming worse. I experience depersonalization almost daily, recently I've even started to have increasingly upsetting thoughts. I'll begin more extensive treatment next week but I guess I'm just wondering if this is normal to experience these symptoms once you are safe and if there has been any studies into why this happens.",8.56025,10.302999191666668,8.451666666666668,61.18500000000003,61.25,11.333333333333336,39.16666666666667,11.20814326018867,5.1401666666666666,573,29,81,16,8,185,84,120,0.095,0.8109999999999999,0.094,-0.0267,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,2,0,2,3,3,0,1,2,0,10,6,0,0,0,16,20,7,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,5,2,11,2,12,15,5,18,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,5,10,52,14,0,0.0,0.3073767078314469,0.12658089643166628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988854492988594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820909275822841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325750030294873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472035350031977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165567308439152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567402346999206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806517691777109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033356726364232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428931771153035,0.0,0.11470452356674155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916199251276806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353544984401114,0.13786408573515546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795094164611424,0.0,0.12709091795008365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762796115834461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552217695664098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162721990094208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807565525463432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729969646153842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362265152785728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5392846989359741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297740493099634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404771407654594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117045547801087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066790388288244,0.0,0.0,0.13218833603391986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Glassbridges,2018/03/13,"Anyone else have this problem? Does anyone else have trouble finding the line between 'this is uncomfortable/slightly triggering for me, but I'm going to try anyway' and things that are genuinely too far/will result in total meltdown even though they're things a normal person would do? Do any of you have tips on how to deal with these sorts of things?
",7.3465384615384615,8.159325461538465,6.359807692307693,78.40894230769231,63.615384615384606,8.346153846153845,30.09615384615385,8.07648339933343,2.1161538461538467,285,9,48,3,4,86,55,65,0.071,0.929,0.0,-0.535,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,1,12,10,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,9,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470939804806814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30248924958327617,0.4432575464423241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229996882579788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928888613970526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613880874750176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142866599598043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19769772644601896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293041680245377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211931768252742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886810810738325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20697349473598892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43110783885828,0.0,0.21251735508045724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685606078678387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536559916360763,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,uforgan,2018/03/13,"Advice on my comfort item Hi all, first time posting- sorry for any errors as I'm on mobile.
I've had the same blanket for 20 years roughly, he/it was with my through most of my abuse. Recently I joined group therapy, dbt (after ending cbt) as well as general talking therapy. I have never mentioned my comfort item (his name is Silkie). Recently I feel as though recovery means I should get rid of him. I've tried putting him out of sight but I always come back to him when I feel low. I'm now considering throwing him out so I can be ""normal"" but I'm afraid if I do, I will hit a hard patch and fall apart without him.
Is this normal, and if so what did you all do? I love him though he is an object not a person, he provides me with comfort and support when I am alone but he is a constant reminder that I'm not ""normal"" or fixed.
Thanks ",1.282474645030426,3.2734453678160937,3.0500405679513207,91.42548681541584,80.95402298850577,5.703313049357674,23.453684922244765,6.794906146795322,0.6981802569303581,650,23,140,7,17,216,110,174,0.071,0.805,0.124,0.9036,0,1,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,1,0,1,9,9,0,1,5,0,15,1,0,0,3,31,28,19,0,6,9,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,2,1,1,3,5,24,7,19,21,6,24,0,1,1,1,18,6,0,4,13,94,27,0,0.0,0.17741675415267294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632365049285914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508490369601924,0.0,0.0,0.12459521179297647,0.0,0.0,0.10182795589377346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514038865520805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898727114276612,0.0,0.16181514176389458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262470130664192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142552290120853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736829355811302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823267859962879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413712893205626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514569335245274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311015083985514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11548828943741805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44013858377360143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307467057404494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434089944050558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505294983337285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956992701439721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762104687488594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992254520591696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035489209984215,0.0,0.13785996080905827,0.34248020554573383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942364845805,0.0,0.08731427327408554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166325251150526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463374206859874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443434794025002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642729176791877
ptsd,TheUnderWall,2018/03/13,"Fight the PTSD or give into it? I have a Complex PTSD issue. One of the symptoms is just throwing everything away. Refusing to walk barefoot in the house. I think about germs in the micro bacterial sense. Not a good thing.

Should I continue tip toeing everywhere and throwing out clothing? Or should I fight the PTSD and wash my clothes and walk everywhere barefoot and just fight the possible internal attacks I may have?

What's the best option?",3.88703703703704,6.89921004938272,4.090370370370368,81.7666666666667,78.1358024691358,7.550617283950618,29.987654320987648,8.515128840125781,2.8407876543209882,358,17,60,8,9,111,54,81,0.193,0.759,0.048,-0.8902,0,0,0,0,3,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,4,0,9,0,6,3,1,0,0,18,8,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,8,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,4,1,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178252930572216,0.1914195005544468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21381151457427733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310747926350146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544501714653265,0.0,0.17088660988309734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350874556252376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265058669721212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380588216421538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296851142044289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7144799772044084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176283500536294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535514094233395,0.1305477268826381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EmeraldPen,2018/03/13,"Dealing with constant sense of impending death due to various aches and pains? So I'm dealing with pretty bad PTSD from being in a severely abusive relationship(several times I thought I was going to be murdered) and some childhood sexual abuse.

I'm also unemployed at the moment and my mind is running rampant with various anxieties.  Since I've been having some legit medical issues(I've got a connective tissue disorder, nothing life-shortening but painful nonetheless, and some vertigo/ear problems that has yet to be diagnosed accurately), I'm freaking out over every little ache and pain. 

 Pulled my chest muscle and getting aches in my breast, slightly dry nipple?  It's breast cancer.  Lump in my throat, that I've had for a year and is a result of anxiety? It's cancer.  Feeling chest tightness/'air hunger'?  It's a degenerative neuromuscular disease(and totally not allergies/mounting anxiety).

I can't go a day without finding some new issue to obsess over and be convinced that I'm going to be killed by.

I've heard that a sense of impending doom, or a forshortened future is a pretty common PTSD issue.  Has anyone else dealt with something similar?   What have you found helps you to calm down and stop going straight to the worst conclusion?",7.196636363636363,9.201614800000002,7.31159090909091,67.13238636363637,64.63636363636364,10.227272727272727,36.47727272727273,10.411451182825502,4.458727272727272,1016,50,148,26,16,327,141,220,0.275,0.634,0.091,-0.9934,2,0,1,0,1,0,30.0,0,2,0,1,3,13,2,1,11,0,16,14,5,1,1,32,30,13,3,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,8,14,1,1,5,0,0,6,3,11,0,0,7,2,9,2,26,18,8,28,1,1,0,2,6,10,0,5,12,93,17,1,0.0,0.27472799218598626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271316338902233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26606983219323016,0.0,0.0,0.08106443518544397,0.11878908983884533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680086753982982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528452911451185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747684724651562,0.2390477519457945,0.0,0.11767156653328263,0.0,0.0,0.1328715337511165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684880118638704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768022274864596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05862021046299159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10596247340275054,0.0,0.0,0.1271167239776849,0.0,0.0,0.060571243165998885,0.0,0.2635540884558584,0.0,0.09272379613735823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777087747723649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420120011512845,0.0,0.0,0.12826488062125227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818883065413031,0.0,0.11619730938937893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167922976001628,0.0,0.0,0.11706128268604794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119707282572419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124274221646474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700889852937049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358951125767429,0.0,0.11093412061582254,0.27104358022450714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447078344011908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619470606384073,0.0,0.09590261532506524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892524133777929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692683635434604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203942581338803,0.06760262045242317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175718570317082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465832746702149
ptsd,Wavygravy89,2018/03/13,My thoughts on cannabis for PTSD https://steemit.com/ptsd/@jaymattbro/my-thoughts-on-cannabis-for-ptsd,46.664285714285704,60.61039828571429,15.797142857142862,-5.727142857142807,-5.285714285714279,8.514285714285714,49.85714285714285,8.841846274778883,5.8154,96,3,6,1,1,17,7,7,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9753200724625252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207957342244065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,squirtingispeeing,2018/03/13,Is anyone here familiar with the Landmark Forum? A friend who swears by it has been pushing me to take it. ,2.66,4.900763809523814,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,77.57142857142857,6.104761904761905,24.785714285714285,7.1686216300943375,1.1634571428571427,84,3,16,1,2,27,20,21,0.0,0.7490000000000001,0.251,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5441571209911867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6012592417963241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5851327642758457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,spiritualsurvivor23,2018/03/13,"currently overcoming PTSD from past sexual abuse, but feeling extremely depressed/unworthy in trying to ""date"" as i would have to disclose the abuse... 24 F. 
* sexually abused as a child by family member, & in college **

always had SHORT relationships, never ""Real/steady/longterm"" because i just couldnt open up to people emotionally/physically unless on extreme amounts of alcohol which is a recipe for disaster& i only chose one night stands as a way to never to open up to these people.

anyway. a few years later to now ive over come PTSD. i really feel unworthy of having a good relationship with anyone, especially having to disclose the abuse. i feel ""too dark"" too fucked up for anyone to actually want... plus i am kind of lost in life career wise at the moment...

im wondering if anyone on here felt this type of way.

thank you. one love.",3.5185654648956337,6.408204135483874,5.018785578747629,75.31994307400382,78.61290322580646,8.292220113851991,24.601518026565465,9.007467420416297,2.5630834914611023,671,24,111,18,17,224,108,155,0.155,0.736,0.109,-0.8737,1,0,1,0,4,0,38.0,0,1,0,1,6,7,1,0,8,0,9,4,0,0,2,19,20,7,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,5,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,3,4,8,5,33,15,2,27,0,1,0,2,5,13,1,2,10,73,11,3,0.0,0.5568104315565551,0.11465013739359355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555762443193655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775840221469073,0.2545937269650724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644843858286986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161884298497544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120444719738993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107560683285711,0.0,0.17821451916558326,0.0,0.11280572116928896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861462338161937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854232644293484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690586971231954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234438898281848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298437836984326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825068524330502,0.0,0.10603639464319356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122607582494848,0.0,0.0,0.11025337251103658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922414845604227,0.08935398082743587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215441346750243,0.16290106321841735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746714881046256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133725662522575,0.07526503167032009,0.0,0.0,0.25227364016316106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816603065345988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976580308709454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929673943874312,0.186511054938462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740938768550786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345922875999215,0.0,0.0,0.07565762630416686
ptsd,goodorbadluck,2018/03/14,"Does anyone else feel a lot of shame about being unable to work? I'm in my late 20s now, and though I've done bits of very casual paid work here and there from home, I've been mostly always unemployed since I was old enough to work. I have severe social anxiety around people as part of my issues which is what has led to this. I have tried a lot to try to find some kind of work I could still do with my issues, and I'm currently trying to setup a small dog walking/pet sitting business, but I'm not sure that it'll work out. I tried to setup a small web design/graphic design business recently which didn't work out since I couldn't find clients/work but I'm trying to be positive. I have done and do volunteering (with animals) which is fulfilling but its not work.

I know many people with similar issues just don't work, and a lot of people would probably say that I don't have to work if they knew how badly I struggle around people. But I always have this strong sense of shame about not working since I know its what most people do (and can reasonably easily do too). I know its being too harsh on myself but that sense of shame stays there.

Does anyone know how to help this or try to get past the feelings of shame, aside from therapy? Thanks. I have had a lot of therapy but currently I'm trying to see how it goes without it.",4.783807369101488,5.057727846153849,5.4553587588881705,84.55287653522952,69.07326007326007,8.767851756087051,24.85003232062056,8.671277953709913,1.4371781512605035,1054,24,221,16,17,342,131,273,0.114,0.805,0.081,-0.7989,4,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,11,16,11,0,5,7,0,29,0,0,5,1,51,45,19,0,4,13,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,17,13,0,0,10,1,1,1,8,6,0,0,8,4,19,5,36,30,10,19,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,9,8,145,36,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122510469429316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631679741488488,0.0,0.0,0.10294942503459524,0.07542930800243154,0.0,0.131069461255169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614671133727021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037068867797689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877717787775609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884545166724504,0.15067148426889726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061497550526440285,0.0,0.0,0.07606603184357745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444592624085271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345691940874159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038461839913552766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04934391798731935,0.0,0.07384384538250174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305110401959937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766607687255936,0.16183189430627126,0.0,0.08304317355579856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503461362681225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463607528854721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724864943890654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972002845985472,0.0702757488420188,0.2551837651969101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937156858717803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756905287136648,0.07268789842308823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058543186842876814,0.0,0.0,0.058663211434762,0.0,0.0,0.08316624676572272,0.0,0.1826902096667342,0.0,0.0,0.07504325258216846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846591846614759,0.05879062494106761,0.0,0.0,0.07696046404672598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938314377990043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677766355190581,0.1683748923729574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232832090907998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34986773675994426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060741728231181624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096415330166783,0.0,0.5895345168017646,0.0,0.0,0.05229539897317794,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Shutthe_frontdoor,2018/03/14,"Advice re Coping with Nightmares Anyone have specific tips with how to deal with disturbing nightmares?

I wake up sweating, yelling and in a panic. What are some of the things I can say to myself to self-soothe? I also find that later in the morning I tend to think back on my nightmares and it makes me physically ill and upset. I find that pushing my thoughts away isn't helpful (obviously!), but trying to be compassionate and accepting of the thoughts seems nearly impossible. Right now I just try to breathe deeply and engaged in an activity to put my thoughts elsewhere.",6.7940000000000005,8.098055066666667,6.5552380952380975,74.78142857142859,65.0,9.047619047619053,35.95238095238096,9.23628265651192,3.395666666666667,462,22,78,8,7,145,75,105,0.08800000000000001,0.8,0.112,0.7686,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,5,0,5,4,3,2,1,22,12,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,2,11,3,19,8,1,13,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,2,3,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424459419188887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714721927234233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461463985030451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963741223013378,0.16071770952110712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215482707905182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820672734932566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009667172891954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13951746553706285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452311323438834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011529030012413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849553141221658,0.0,0.1662151276921105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902771283734496,0.21804561952327906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885861641334862,0.13392676927250122,0.0,0.4977977298729215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838115326333149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Hrafnaguo,2018/03/14,"My life is nothing but suffering Hello! I've been struggling since I last posted here. I started seeing a new therapist, and she's okay. However, it's increasingly difficult to talk about the trauma I've endured. My flashbacks scared the shit out of my wife to the point where she began cheating on me. I found out about it, talked about it with her, and I tried to fix everything, but after we took in a homeless woman, she opted to abandon me for that person, but they still live with me, because they are incapable of supporting themselves. It causes me a lot of anxiety, and although it's become easier to cope with over time? It's still extremely ruinous to my mental health to continue. I feel like I'm back at home with my blood relatives. Trapped for all intents and purposes in a toxic living situation. I'm not looking for help with that. I've looked at various options for resolving this, and it's become apparent that financially supporting them while they treat me like a good friend is the only option that I'm able to endure.

It's not like I'm going to be forever alone, because people have expressed interest in pursuing a relationship with me, but will they grow distant when I have flashbacks? Will they feel compelled to leave me for someone with less problems? It doesn't seem worthwhile to find that out, so I'm disinterested in pursuing relationships now. It's just horrendous that my failure to cope with my PTSD well enough has cost me the love of my wife. I really have nothing now except keeping them safe, and what few friends I have. I feel like there isn't much comfort to be had anymore. I smoke weed at least once a day to decompress in the evening, and I'm beginning to close myself off to people. I used to be a vibrant, outgoing, energetic person, but now I'm in bed past noon, and my socializing has sharply declined.

I'm a survivor of a lot of seriously fucked up trauma. It's really hard to cope with, because talking about what I've endured invokes pity, or disbelief. People just don't think what I've lived through is possible in the US. They think the system would notice how terribly fucked up my life is before it got as bad as it did for me, but I think all of us can appreciate how frequently we fall through the cracks of society. It doesn't take much for it to happen either. The best I can do is meditate and do things that make me happy. I've decided to go back to college to pursue improving my life. Maybe throwing my grief into studies isn't such a terrible idea, right? I'm thinking of pursuing psychology, or sociology because the way people are is a really big interest of mine. It'd be neat to delve into those topics to learn more about what makes us tick, and why we do what we do.

I dunno! I'm just trying to keep my head up. I'm hoping it turns out that life isn't just nonstop suffering. It would be nice to have relief from what ails me. I'm putting in effort towards such a goal at any rate. Anyways, I hope y'all are well when you read this.",5.396683318465655,6.092022352542378,6.325263157894738,77.36765388046389,67.84745762711864,9.735950044603033,32.13648528099911,9.811843763644266,3.07006779661017,2388,98,453,52,38,793,282,590,0.142,0.66,0.198,0.9913,2,2,1,0,0,0,62.0,7,2,8,4,30,45,4,2,24,1,41,11,3,8,2,84,87,27,1,5,16,2,4,4,2,4,5,0,2,3,36,30,0,4,14,1,1,8,8,19,2,0,7,7,62,26,89,70,15,63,0,5,3,3,38,30,3,10,26,312,98,4,0.07489739086113349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757110906089293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093279412654042,0.0,0.057296299005593326,0.0,0.07427808620496082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518294086435955,0.0625361929029402,0.1826270171859936,0.1654365676339472,0.06373216316932794,0.0,0.07860019090695053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694025185021952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830262099887996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738902609413426,0.0,0.04946902028966222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731294549434506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361111370255722,0.10701342199280016,0.0,0.0,0.06845485836643493,0.0,0.0,0.08212112322844048,0.11573107677660137,0.13848286194128065,0.0,0.0,0.08513182647486378,0.06282037797167793,0.059902285478514325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623151538606853,0.07972966528300057,0.06709335086475393,0.0,0.07686633092130954,0.07961242412549198,0.0,0.0,0.050202142324976606,0.0,0.07512818979369643,0.1487800174041504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455003774047112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314448464922474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061051369973418874,0.0,0.07930552259242397,0.0,0.0,0.21160896857685468,0.14636432784562792,0.0,0.19840730494257472,0.0,0.1257898898668936,0.0,0.0,0.12735016670818514,0.06759781944154633,0.0,0.09998917997515608,0.0,0.07524449601356352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754789539336892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011640017435403,0.0,0.0,0.07233636680886597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373213305011914,0.08527117591196468,0.0,0.07976327688070209,0.0,0.056962840755583125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714980343933771,0.20769768144849576,0.13079502554580633,0.0,0.0,0.07080224333992675,0.08443555465616047,0.07173099689388474,0.0,0.0,0.07166668794052536,0.08755104189045125,0.07529256461360448,0.0,0.0,0.07491765915878751,0.0,0.1439435593288293,0.0,0.0,0.1608235364375964,0.0,0.06396196256301696,0.0,0.0,0.07498535420747172,0.0,0.05968352351843935,0.06818377169070118,0.0,0.0,0.07688109541452617,0.061955895688611026,0.08418780540557659,0.0,0.07634845793208672,0.06346031622541844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05301275874626545,0.0,0.11962630618121023,0.0,0.0,0.07829901489506498,0.0,0.0,0.1699853431499539,0.0,0.0,0.056313516832272086,0.18059905713431149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696164350567229,0.04975849845827042,0.1919648953588817,0.0,0.0,0.0436732709199893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321375707912393,0.1017008240017045,0.08146685392971442,0.0,0.0,0.2702770180003166,0.06468729817555366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05945006267898305,0.0,0.0,0.13468349839839988,0.0,0.06758324570824709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640991511325014,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,EstExecutorThrowaway,2018/03/14,"Reality I can’t tell what’s real anymore.  Not in a psychosis sense but in a delusion sense.  I think I am right but I am so detached from the world I can’t really tell.

I can’t figure out what to do about this.  I don’t think clearly.  I can’t tell who I am.

I’m at the end of the line. I know it and I know it’s been coming. My bosses call and insult me.  I have no friends.  I have estranged myself for my family.  My neighbors start doing dishes at 5am and they just finished dishes at 12am.  My other neighbor hits slapshots in his back yard on and off every 20 minutes all day.  I wear my 33dB shooting ear plugs and my 35 dB shooting ear muffs almost all day and I can’t bloxk the noise out.  The insides of my ears are itchy and the ring around my ears is tender and full of acne from wearing them so often.  

I have a job interview I have to do a 30 slide presentation for and the incompetant pissant PMs and HR coordinator booked my flight tomorrow.  

My hand is bleeding from punching my phone trying to break it from all the sleep deprivation. 

My therapist won’t be able to help me.  My doctor was an asshole and took me off antidepressants.  I spent four months trying to find a doctor.  

I have no next option.  I’ve exhausted every option I can think of.  

I will soon be unemployed with the option of maybe accpepting this job in a hellhole city with a set of managers who clearly don’t give a Duck about my schedule.

I can’t ever tell what’s going on. 

24/6 nonstop sleep deprivation and punishment.  That is all my life has been for decades now.  

I am done

I can’t do this.  No one can ever tell me what to do.  “Get help” is such a fucking tired POS cliche.  There’s no where for me to go.  No one - maybe one person - will weep when I’m gone.  ",0.9147455415398014,3.033911190082648,2.8936530375525606,91.33081448455853,83.1046831955923,5.584138031027983,20.847397419167766,6.8360192770164,0.3825856749311298,1354,41,295,16,38,454,181,363,0.14300000000000002,0.795,0.062,-0.9824,4,0,0,2,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,0,16,9,3,0,19,0,40,20,9,1,8,44,58,17,0,0,4,0,1,0,3,3,8,5,3,1,14,18,2,0,7,2,1,6,16,7,0,4,7,6,48,2,39,45,5,42,0,3,0,1,21,18,1,5,16,202,62,9,0.11233783956359747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249011915563824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140895076912524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000449421666167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638086442339879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147094943178615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967691017119342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489722608185687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299650779103691,0.0,0.114960612738389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949798221603108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032320146959289,0.18929894984724455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590211732887013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267475018956852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679193618077573,0.10385452248871548,0.05869188459863859,0.10776469204425762,0.12768836610104214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505953717589024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295594350772832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234758774716842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934753830837679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257169181470609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966699177415788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947256682088934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22836908224329844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808906843446652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786505530635006,0.07196649659922247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593590118378503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483793721566944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951330104280135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909411163464698,0.0,0.0,0.1304328901715646,0.0,0.21594465476760197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291158210145677,0.0,0.0,0.12481147320032725,0.1525400380284521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,moriyah,2018/03/14,"It's the anniversary this week and I'm terrified in case I can't deal with it Which is stupid as it's been 10 years now and I've been fine for most of them.  It's only been the last two years really that I've been this scared. The stressing and worrying about whether something will set me off is actually worse than how I feel if something does set me off. I'm having small panic attacks all the time, I haven't left the house or even got dressed properly in days. I've just moved to a new country so I have no support system here and I'm meant to be out exploring, meeting people, looking for jobs, enjoying the adventure, but instead I'm just wasting my days lying in my bed, scared.",3.7471126760563394,4.682618500000004,4.656450704225354,86.96988732394367,71.74647887323944,8.215211267605634,28.284507042253523,8.548686976883017,1.8581132394366202,545,20,117,9,10,177,94,142,0.21,0.741,0.049,-0.9709,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,9,10,2,4,7,0,12,0,0,1,1,18,21,11,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,6,2,9,4,15,13,2,22,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,3,9,71,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.17389572015007018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272615745056294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22984617073190425,0.1837145008961372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559424298482061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769821852629272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901023550313666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252136478934685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056167765814331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768341991178628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525530205340692,0.0,0.0,0.19361284604904844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964159244776734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939646619336464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210491451449178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552774726226166,0.0,0.20907717153144087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235401820947216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415831835853953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568149340376894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743713328238292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412541531224754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221718509059586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390879290514417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407373052021136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293983278177494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809689036779935,0.1815991712656839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295075733898449
ptsd,crosteime,2018/03/15,"Not sure if I have PSTD So, when I was a child I had a incidente on the internet, I don't know how to explain, really, but I think I can say that I've been a victim of child pornography. The thing is, for a couple of years I've successfully avoid thoughts or memories about it, but after that it seems like as if the faucet had broken and everything returned with great intensity. I remember the incident all the time and all the emotions related to it. Also, I've always felt a weird sensation since that, it can happen randomly and it's like a really bad feeling that I associate with the ocurred. But I'm still not sure if I have PSTD, I am reluctant to believe in my own opinion and in tests on internet, and even if I really want, I can't go to a psychologist for a lot of reasons. Also, I'm not even sure if I was really a victim. So I just wanted a little help in the matter, any opinion or advise would be really apreciated.

(Also sorry if my english is bad, it's not my first language)",9.259558823529414,5.434225348039218,10.377549019607843,66.07897058823532,62.67647058823529,14.513725490196078,39.715686274509814,12.602617957971056,4.8025215686274505,777,29,157,22,8,277,107,204,0.168,0.715,0.117,-0.8633,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,12,13,2,1,18,0,16,0,0,2,5,47,29,24,0,9,16,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,0,2,11,7,0,1,9,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,7,3,17,7,19,20,4,14,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,13,9,117,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313278140712326,0.11491451293296084,0.0,0.0,0.09391620902683533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306239924643992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559716346509633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281067481180666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534965766512954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243424220293203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411996568561877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983009202120956,0.0,0.13260256111542912,0.0,0.0,0.1174721340146877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848831531003078,0.0,0.0,0.1522613687362021,0.0,0.0,0.122125890594343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256894252598287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589895540296349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494235927711834,0.13841759937726433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174120238372698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423683417147217,0.14199505203573587,0.0,0.0,0.1564461649838538,0.0,0.0,0.10982672473512976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572570313799247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424197218554652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459736118066725,0.0,0.0,0.11029091736563892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904872886553609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175089688694853,0.08849217654124744,0.0,0.10964002898259433,0.08053019888162817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16291594134194606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810590604429707,0.0,0.0,0.08893516137174322
ptsd,freedasayswut,2018/03/15,"Dammit My given name has a very obvious nickname to it. A customer service representative just used it on accident. We laughed about her slip of the tongue and hung up. 

Now, five minutes later, I'm in bed shaking. That nickname was used by a stalker.

Right before we met, he killed his wife - burned down their house with her in it.  Then he met me in the course of my work. Immediately started a very aggressive stalking of me. Then when the cops were going to arrest him about his wife/the arson, he killed himself. 

I was... 20? 21? I'm 42 now. 

Why does this still hit me like a bag of bricks?  ",1.1860073260073278,3.675690341880344,2.4949267399267403,92.06019230769232,85.75213675213675,5.052258852258851,22.03235653235653,6.5431188927421005,0.4398356532356536,458,16,96,5,14,147,81,117,0.15,0.8059999999999999,0.044,-0.9206,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,2,0,1,1,7,6,3,1,8,0,4,0,0,2,1,9,14,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,6,0,15,2,16,7,0,17,0,0,0,0,16,7,0,0,9,57,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518691094301955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21101761536802494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370417668933068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782357689059255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5335571449088558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780568401195092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592675445974368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170675584615159,0.0,0.1925695834898272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.416523972507486,0.0,0.397920903805875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758554439043584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755481135844247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nat_dot,2018/03/15,"PTSD from burglary? A few years ago, I was a victim of a home invasion. I saw my living room window get smashed in with a crowbar, and I had to run and lock myself in a bathroom while two men stomped through my house and stole a bunch of my stuff. At one point, I had my entire body pushed up against the door to hold it shut while one of them tried to open the bathroom door. 

Even though it was around 3 years ago, I still fairly regularly have vivid nightmares about home invasions, needing to run and hide from an unknown attacker, and being trapped in small, confined spaces. I've also had a general ""on edge"" and wary feeling. 

Well, just a few days ago, in a new neighborhood I recently moved to, my car was broken into while I was asleep. The thief smashed a window in and took some things from my car. I found out about it the following morning when I was leaving for work. I feel even worse than I did after the house break in, and I feel like I'm dealing with two break-ins at once. I've never felt more nervous or upset. 

Is it possible that I have PTSD from the house break-in that's making dealing with this recent car break-in so terrible? I've felt constantly paranoid after this. I've also been very depressed and I feel like I have no energy or motivation. I've never seen a counselor or therapist because I've always thought of PTSD as something that happens with way more serious events, like war or rape. 

Anybody who has been through something similar or can give some advice please drop a reply",6.222121989735491,6.0899281644295336,6.174658507698384,82.01513028030007,66.01342281879195,9.159415712593765,32.63008290564548,8.671277953709913,2.4527632846427165,1195,45,237,16,17,377,165,298,0.158,0.7759999999999999,0.066,-0.9832,0,1,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,2,14,14,4,2,19,0,18,3,2,2,2,41,36,23,1,1,6,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,7,1,12,17,0,2,9,0,0,9,3,10,1,4,18,9,23,4,40,17,7,51,0,1,3,1,6,19,0,7,23,153,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634004773703628,0.2621796488255305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768320476263378,0.08203396109590153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877651284461929,0.0,0.11215924118299228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009895053583495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951017411980343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653970448112683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358176079076885,0.2032818978463372,0.08491457706901122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023423365303213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939827985114475,0.14086402886306307,0.18932183693988253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809776995540317,0.0,0.0,0.05150869299322375,0.09457556996126383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718194336048107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977856477898809,0.0,0.0,0.3412754711955256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439153533667124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449684337416452,0.0,0.08705590946636509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580893532664538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478452409955173,0.0,0.07310250791376614,0.15207585759367714,0.0952178883009532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499408697996454,0.13361294071977114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822113645749608,0.09319848915845408,0.11114430495414256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457358599188852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468952356999397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179728594910755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787333174329541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128608388320615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446944909010184,0.06549816305734116,0.0,0.0968632099970964,0.07826866809554965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095360269834776,0.06693547192863923,0.0,0.19261429083023715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134626524289855,0.0,0.0782553738510166,0.0,0.0,0.08864336759106227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177397957205915,0.0,0.10047063242732422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269761909408866
ptsd,ferretgoddess,2018/03/15,"PTSD + anxiety/depression has snowballed into me pushing away my best friend/love of my life. I took a year break from college because just before I went to college I witnessed the death of my father, and a few years before the death of my mother. My father’s death was particularly traumatic. 

After realizing I needed help and should not put my academics before me, I took medical withdrawal my second semester of freshman year. I had also been in an abusive relationship that year, which escalated my anxiety. I went home to do therapy and focus on myself. This is when I was actually diagnosed with PTSD. 

This is also when I met my boyfriend (now ex as of last night, we’ll call him W). He and I clicked immediately like no one I had ever met. We began to spend pretty much all our time together during my year off. But when I returned to school, I don’t know what happened that made me push him away. Being back in that environment where I had been in such a bad mental and emotional state a couple years prior was terrible. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have gone back there but I did. 

Anyway, throughout the past 5 months I have been on and off with him (W). I began to think that I should focus on myself because I hadn’t really been alone since my dad passed away. I always had someone (even if one of those relationships was abusive, it was still someone). I was scared that if for some reason I lost him (W) I wouldn’t know how to be happy or care for myself because he and I did everything together and he made me the happiest anyone had ever made me. 

But I still kept on saying I couldn’t be with him (W) but then we’d start talking again and I’d promise I wouldn’t do it again but I did. Finally there was one day when he said if we break up this is going to be it. And so we did. And I really thought it was final. A couple days go by and I’m very lonely. My campus is only for freshman/sophomore and 45 minutes away from the main campus. All my friends that I made when I was a freshman are now juniors and seniors and the main campus. I was extremely alone. But I couldn’t text him because I felt dumb. I really just thought there was no way in hell he’d entertain it. I don’t know why. I guess because I never heard him say it would be final until that week.

So my best friend invited me out. Her boyfriend had his friends over. I ended up sleeping with one of his friends. I stopped it shortly after it started because it felt so wrong and I ended up driving back home. 

Then W and I started talking again. I knew I’d have to tell him but I didn’t know how. I just wanted it to be in person but he lives back home, 4 hours away from my college. He asked me on the phone if I had been with anyone else and I said no because I could not tell him like that. I don’t know why. I feel awful about that. 

I came home this week to work things out with him. I knew I had to tell him. We went to a coffee shop but the guy I had hooked up with happened to text me. W saw it. It said “I know we aren’t together but I’d love to see you” or something like that. Which makes it sound like I had dated this person behind his back. I told W everything and he obviously got very angry then very upset. He said he couldn’t trust me anymore and that if he forgave me I’d just have no respect for him. But I guess from my perspective, I didn’t think I was cheating. And I left because it felt wrong. I don’t know why it took that moment to make me realize how much I only wanted W. 

That’s what is driving me crazy is because I do not know why I did what I did. I don’t know why I acted the way I acted. I have never been more stressed or depressed and had as much anxiety as I have been having since I came back to school. But he can’t accept it, and I guess I can’t force him to, but he is my best friend and I love him more than anything. I know I am young and maybe that sounds really dumb and naive. But to me, this was someone I was ready to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes you know when you know. What hurts is he told me that he would’ve married me before he found out about this. And I can’t forgive myself and I’m at my parents house alone and I haven’t slept because I keep having panic attacks over not only this breakup, but being at he house where my dad died as well. 

I do not know what to do. I want to crawl out of my own skin. In previous relationships, flaws would be annoying. With him, his “flaws” were endearing. I can’t believe I threw away my number one support system and best friend. If you have any advice I would appreciate it. ",2.0223892978151667,3.628114370136697,3.6179109709078174,90.03549830587689,77.22292323869611,6.46285781049188,22.886902675546214,7.2427474758485975,0.7131412314522723,3550,106,778,42,81,1179,317,951,0.132,0.735,0.132,0.2922,2,5,1,0,0,0,95.0,8,4,0,6,46,44,6,4,18,1,101,9,3,10,7,152,180,76,4,22,33,7,5,4,6,9,4,9,4,3,49,51,0,3,29,2,3,20,31,18,1,6,80,17,161,26,92,77,17,125,1,4,3,2,91,37,3,13,66,551,210,12,0.0,0.09952911603163517,0.040987115833266766,0.0,0.0,0.041043089920199616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050173966180229,0.0,0.0671766944691896,0.03494836592731816,0.0,0.0,0.028562258637350114,0.0,0.0642616113734054,0.0,0.04165390777506876,0.05873643607564341,0.04303519642024252,0.03456341171542885,0.0,0.03926545549203071,0.047782432429553635,0.2367690794903053,0.19377799730002196,0.03506925050000828,0.2560354378985472,0.0,0.14295972244818125,0.04732097336742215,0.17631068706356912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04288792475160022,0.09607637502636973,0.042823026163810715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03353454329602528,0.09294706551189033,0.0,0.05417460312129232,0.0,0.07235114999510922,0.04263033739636807,0.043590618059561416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035086616016467134,0.04724570068823132,0.07440119930077557,0.0,0.0,0.027741398764404016,0.0759849862927859,0.0,0.0,0.07549594683828616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02123707046575786,0.0,0.12098322597769155,0.13803079617271727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046052151692541315,0.2271501792481561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047740503692060655,0.0,0.03359219929216796,0.0,0.13880718261551064,0.04158779484798666,0.07428305102212214,0.04471106209536943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028152521333752293,0.0,0.16852252656803052,0.0,0.04136272491271812,0.09692749921312804,0.044963156996493586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03733259947647564,0.0,0.0,0.3000759189583691,0.034236586648143205,0.0,0.0,0.045634430456209185,0.0,0.05933338425787984,0.0820786657967843,0.0,0.037087832155382916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045849275118765874,0.0,0.07581545192331211,0.1589702170525113,0.05607225891223538,0.0,0.08439170844768419,0.0,0.0,0.04231179373807114,0.04232733430203234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03352495988916267,0.0,0.09262715179673214,0.03114336017235928,0.06478783480516445,0.0,0.0,0.039415284210297656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230551233045746,0.09583142364055093,0.0,0.04927936259877809,0.046637365938139004,0.0,0.04009490124048888,0.0,0.07334766160357688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273032362689089,0.0,0.0,0.0981943184279962,0.042222810290365634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762818576223628,0.043184232450330415,0.0,0.13528072202238528,0.0,0.0,0.1598110506877969,0.06680208559699223,0.04205053183546194,0.08501492048320307,0.033469521245718135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694876590657993,0.0,0.04203153622964388,0.0,0.10676245018495384,0.03233457841881664,0.04154026419271384,0.0,0.08918600396996088,0.0,0.06708443068113774,0.0351148867843075,0.04811223665939888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766246795282069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751795273219778,0.11013270931343708,0.0,0.04803203660090473,0.0,0.027903733277235027,0.053825350489412234,0.0,0.06668852793904016,0.024491239503897314,0.0,0.0,0.08026789966149947,0.13999464741564546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396617473607044,0.07432019404807565,0.0666772006273643,0.06738166388866157,0.0,0.03776412605482481,0.11680660920623658,0.1894977662794927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030577376352846894,0.0,0.0,0.11934579946633547,0.09184344505441157,0.0,0.16228438779902454
ptsd,AppropriateHurry,2018/03/15,"Car Accident - Not Sure What Else to Say So 2 years ago in 2016, I had a massive car accident. A driver did not pay attention to a yield sign and smashed right into me, sending my car onto its side and skidding across the middle of the road. I suffered 4 broken bones. My life has really gone downhill since. While I have not been officially diagnosed with PTSD, I have all of the symptoms.

I'm 22 and in college and the route I take to my college goes right through the scene of my accident. I was never scared of driving before the accident and now I cannot drive without getting all sweaty and thinking every single car on the road is out to get me. Even when I'm at home I get that same feeling, I never got that feeling at home before the accident. ""Is that siren for me?"" ""God, that plane sounds low, its gonna crash into my house"" ""Is that car honking at me?"" are just a couple of things that are continuously in my mind since my accident.
 
Some days I skip class because I do not want to drive, especially the day of the week the accident happened. Now, with Daylight Savings Time in effect, it is completely dark when I leave in the morning. **I have not went to class all week because of this**.

Any advice on the steps I can take to overcome this(besides the obvious of talking to a doctor of course, which I plan on doing soon, btw).",3.166123499142369,4.929475754716981,4.247349914236708,86.06546740994854,74.47169811320755,7.0823327615780425,27.139794168096053,7.84624498591911,1.6130377358490569,1045,40,209,15,22,340,146,265,0.142,0.833,0.025,-0.9836,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,19,0,18,5,1,1,7,37,34,10,0,1,7,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,2,0,13,11,0,1,5,0,1,12,9,3,0,0,7,4,26,2,38,26,6,51,0,2,0,0,3,23,0,1,16,142,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815441959884878,0.1253244040767915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614291399959288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236727248550607,0.0,0.2406070975557891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823372497362516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564337372524623,0.0,0.1823561741031733,0.0,0.0,0.1434972252759103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470791787753898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810443806417754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337983208886573,0.0,0.11911833369532795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429714551161337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159487415445087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307410834032428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502143259616258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28363034913557245,0.0,0.0,0.1631329710189184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497004860827589,0.0,0.0,0.0998605280562535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275300098036553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180811856996281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526507990383751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057133347762887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414746558244249,0.0,0.11243065984540997,0.14154555202462935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390118108026434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324851375548769,0.14694744274609128,0.21259959123265612,0.11363549370132217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939262634234615,0.09059028049578667,0.0,0.0,0.08243952844427736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338929722517806,0.0,0.22681222793513955,0.0,0.0,0.13106022094968262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628480120993147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104376826858754
ptsd,agrokrang,2018/03/15,"Prazosin for sleep? Anyone here take this? If so, do you take it right when you hit the lights for sleep? I’m trying to figure out when is best to take for sleep. Doesn’t seem to be working the well. Still waking up at like 5am with a racing heart. ",0.04930817610063088,2.150284905660378,1.2134905660377378,102.0955817610063,86.73584905660377,3.5333333333333337,12.606918238993714,3.1291,-1.7467459119496855,192,2,46,0,6,60,42,53,0.0,0.831,0.16899999999999998,0.8534,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,2,6,3,0,0,3,0,4,5,5,0,0,5,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,10,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,29,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15140091678635215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723203384589755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565858830661937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578429745235117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849131239283576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19711831406241895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6500509950155823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17291897475928847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4884047283534328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700781776133973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468403901702724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576344471012964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MisAnthrony,2018/03/15,"Can PTSD develop due to seizures? Hello everyone. I’m sorry for the wall of text. I’d like to preface this by saying I have not been diagnosed with PTSD, nor have I experienced anything life-threatening, but at the time of the experience I couldn’t tell what was going on. I’ve just noticed huge changes in a lot of different aspects of my life recently, and I’m looking for answers; google searches gave me results about PTSD leading to seizures, which is the reverse of what I’m looking for. I’ve done lots of research into what I’ve been feeling and how I’ve been behaving, but I hit a roadblock here and so I’m helping you guys can advise me a bit.

About 3 months ago, I had two seizures in one night. A few weeks prior to that, I had one seizure, but that was nothing compared to the doubleheader from right before Christmas. The first one occurred right after I used the restroom late at night; I turned around after putting the toilet seat and lid down, and sort of blacked out visually while retaining semi-consciousness. I fell onto the side of the bathtub (luckily the curtains stayed up, haha), then slid onto the floor, completely out of control of anything. I was even making moaning noises and saying “no” repeatedly, but neither of those actions were voluntary. I was too tired to even move from the floor, and my right leg and right arm were hurting terribly, but I couldn’t tell you whether it was on account of the fall or muscles spasms. 

After what seemed like an eternity (but more likely around 5-15 minutes), I managed to get up and limp to my room next door to the bathroom, but no sooner had I closed the door than I collapsed halfway onto my bed frame and slid onto the floor again. This one is what I think the trauma stems from; I couldn’t see or hear anything, and all I could feel was as if I was being electrocuted (if you’ve ever used one of those machines that applies shock to a specific muscle, it was like that on maximum power throughout my whole body). I have no idea how long it lasted, I just know that I could feel my vocal chords crying out without actually hearing them. By the time I regained hearing, I was mumbling “turn it off” over and over again, and the whole thing seemed to end right as I finally clearly yelled, “please turn it off,” aside from the arm/leg pain, headache, and profound confusion.

Since that experience, I haven’t felt or acted like myself at all, and I was insistent on getting into the neurologist’s office as soon as possible so I could prevent myself from ever experiencing that again. I now live in extreme fear of having another seizure, and all motivation I had to do anything seems to have been completely derailed. I’m tired of being so scared to experience it again, and I’ve found myself constantly going off on people when there are no justifiable grounds to do so. I’m not trying to dodge responsibility, but my reactions to so many things don’t even feel like they’re my own, I just sort of engage autopilot until things get complicated and I’m left trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I can give more specific examples if need be, but I’ve already typed a lot and I don’t want to clutter this post with unnecessary paragraphs. Like I said, I’m just looking for potential answers as to what could be wrong, so if I’m in the wrong place or you know somewhere better to ask about this, please let me know; thank you so much in advance

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ptsd,SelfHarmerAnonymous-,2018/03/15,Just had a flashback because of my mom My mom raised her hand in a expression and it triggered a flashback and now i’m freaking out i haven’t relived it in a month why am i like this ,-1.4991071428571416,0.3358818750000019,1.0935714285714295,97.4,105.25,4.285714285714287,23.214285714285715,6.18269132825596,0.6199285714285709,145,7,33,2,7,49,29,40,0.075,0.773,0.152,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,3,1,1,1,0,5,4,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,5,1,4,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218771778459157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782091883277462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8525716066879133,0.29052320056383657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32843289144105897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,GuySchmuy,2018/03/15,"I need help giving advice to my friend who has potentially been sexually as a young minor. He has vaguely revealed to me that he's been molested at around 10 years old by an older man. He continuously passed out whenever he thought about it so I believe it's a huge trigger for him. 

I believe we had a breakthrough  when tripping on LSD which afterwards he seemed relieved that somebody else finally knew. He is now enthusiastic to address it instead of letting it take a grip of hes mind. I can imagine the the embarrassment and shame he was fearful of when revealing it.

I'm seeking professional/relevant advice that I can give him in order to move on.",5.334124444444448,6.811324848000004,6.629866666666668,72.26737777777778,68.52000000000001,9.395555555555557,36.28888888888889,9.725611199111238,3.8033822222222216,526,28,92,12,9,178,89,125,0.093,0.778,0.128,0.552,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,3,7,0,11,0,0,1,0,13,19,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,10,4,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,6,1,11,2,17,12,0,21,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,1,10,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39193128550681067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17852336812452635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451880449532127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675256729714434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256635709387188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196820767664988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493692452933291,0.0,0.0,0.3847530241383472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441792391908908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050660255207273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024885173657372,0.0,0.0,0.21314258294564176,0.0,0.14869807817938066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043329161254995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18256434110536696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078133463261956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920658346218486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914136673478174
ptsd,timmyburnout,2018/03/16,"Music triggers PTSD I have late-onset PTSD. My symptoms didn't show up until 2 years after my sexual assault. The guy who did it was a friend and his favourite band was Queen. Now, whenever I hear a song I recognize as Queen (obviously doesn't do anything if I don't know) I get thrown into flashbacks and fits of selective mutism which can last up to an hour. 

I was wondering if anyone else deals with either a musical trigger or selective mutism and tips they've used to help combat it. Thanks!",3.812396907216496,5.702731103092784,4.709884020618556,82.89101159793817,73.02061855670105,8.148969072164949,26.55798969072165,8.841846274778883,2.091784536082474,395,14,75,8,8,128,73,97,0.067,0.8340000000000001,0.099,0.4389,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,5,0,10,1,0,3,1,15,16,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,2,9,2,10,11,1,10,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,4,6,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448661787869525,0.22637948057136265,0.18181506863606495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277797817571313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184567297689353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069795312837072,0.0,0.11543220496160855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187656657555592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490158126267881,0.0,0.1480916479170826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758172286052085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142302887013215,0.18009585982271742,0.24923031898891584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5165348516994985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296416024203015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034121742596967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19082150965010428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396003663408609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142278330570929
ptsd,chubbyfig,2018/03/16,"My mom has BPD...Can I have a relationship with her if she's not willing to seek help? I can't keep sacrificing my mental health. (LONG POST) I've been going to therapy for a little less than a year now and I've come to an understanding that my childhood was not ""normal""... I'm sure that no ones is. But I can recognize that my mother's attempted suicide, raging, mental/physical abuse towards me, my siblings, and always my father are not ok or appropriate. I'm in college now and have a geographical separation between my mother's abuse towards me but I am still dependent on them financially in some ways. This past weekend, my mother raged at me for making plans to see my uncle and his family for breakfast this weekend is my birthday and I wanted to see my family since I was in town. With her having BPD, she took this as a betrayal and that I was going to abandon her. I placated her emotions and severe reactions for a good 4 hours. Usually when stuff like this happens she throws things (at me sometimes), yells and screams, becomes self deprecating, and calls me the worst possible things (insults that don't even relate to the original context). I have learned to not react or to grovel and say how sorry I am in order to get her to stop. My dad is codependent on her and they constantly fight. He admitted to me that night that yes, she needs mental assistance. But after spending the morning with her, he thinks that it's better to have me in the house at all. This situation was over the top and heartbreaking that my parents would rather not work with a therapist (i've even suggest family therapy) and just decide to ban me from the house. I understand that isolating myself from them is the best option and I know it will be hard. But I do love my family, and I would rather not have to make this decision. I guess my question is how can I have a relationship with people who are not going to seek help? Any advice coming from children with a borderline parent(s)? Or even advice from those who have BPD? I'm tired of placating, and sacrificing my mental health for them. I'm currently being treated for C-PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Thing is a pretty emotional post so let's keep it kind and in no way am I saying those with BPD are bad people. <3",4.726900684931508,6.147642200913242,5.912508561643836,77.0517765410959,69.91324200913242,9.401940639269409,28.98430365296804,9.751328689232952,2.826038584474886,1796,67,331,43,32,600,216,438,0.16,0.738,0.102,-0.9779,3,0,0,0,3,1,59.0,0,0,4,6,13,19,4,0,18,2,38,5,0,7,2,76,65,31,1,8,18,7,1,1,0,4,3,4,0,2,27,27,1,5,9,2,1,7,11,10,0,1,6,7,58,9,52,52,5,47,0,3,2,1,42,17,0,9,19,247,85,3,0.0,0.17580801441471056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499684980666794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173271767798686,0.0,0.0,0.05045231162945195,0.0,0.05675578538775139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194624792466629,0.0,0.08193794792052722,0.0,0.0,0.07785870368548031,0.06561576413559825,0.0,0.0,0.3737630359425932,0.0,0.07575713714316283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781766937787234,0.0,0.08017393540878455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390045711456961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669094061880258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700703959752975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27976206412359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038761648956527665,0.0,0.12649308306814847,0.06222775208901219,0.0,0.0,0.08172956864326505,0.0,0.06560671000390966,0.0,0.06646041522251449,0.0,0.0,0.157722775686575,0.0,0.0,0.09945710509237517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306302745997957,0.17121252411633114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318884452829399,0.0,0.07725833742633692,0.04077334242959088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758651549452858,0.0,0.03624589425408612,0.07435870688505894,0.0,0.0656565539577005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696012481591247,0.0,0.0990459163725952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990676455618358,0.0,0.0,0.08689140879174992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550115637756128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962307243240648,0.072691265686922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0502736295882177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476028382509422,0.0,0.07082354647863798,0.10286916640701013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363901861607109,0.14210862258176055,0.0754787508587326,0.0,0.0,0.08672511541318577,0.0,0.08311071410456425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593063823975853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799905892699596,0.0,0.0,0.11824097928791792,0.0,0.07739722089123059,0.0838145254987913,0.0,0.06137142503506985,0.08339360654687719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337663245860877,0.08305056522404214,0.0,0.0,0.0592488963352363,0.06202685975814586,0.0,0.0,0.08493075559737312,0.08115273137551443,0.0,0.06992398358324822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968737028500724,0.08614127721045757,0.1478672815903169,0.04753849110702267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527145044200232,0.0,0.0,0.08242874705799381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544705505651504,0.0,0.0,0.08171072269245527,0.0,0.04375967645606717,0.11777846238785313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401181118595149,0.0,0.0,0.10540608049931632,0.0,0.0,0.04777646503023445
ptsd,absintheandmilk,2018/03/16,"Help please, husband always sneaking up on me I'm sorry I can't think straight now and I'm panicking and shaking and I can't quit crying like a goddamn baby. I just looked up this sub now never been here before.

My husband is always sneaking up on me and I guess it's an accident but I can't handle it. I had just screamed myself awake for the third time tonight/ this morning (and he knew it) when he entered a room right behind me while I had my back turned a split second and I turned and screamed more than I ever have and threw the remote in my hand in his direction [it didn't hit him).

I'm shaking worse than ever now. I've told him SO MANY times not to do that! Maybe I'm just angry right now and wanting to blame him but I feel like he doesn't understand! I'm a female much smaller than him but I don't want to punch him or hurt if he does it too close and above all it's literally hell on my nerves.

He's about the same size and coloring of the man who attacked me and sometimes I'm so sure it's him sneaking up on me. I'm frayed now too because the guy didn't show up for court last when we were finally making progress and the cops don't know where he is.

I'm seriously thinking of putting bells on my husband or making a rule he has to call and get a response before entering a room. But dammit that sounds so disfunctional and I think he'd forget anyway but what do I do????? I've told him to sing or hum or talk to the cats as he moves through the house so I can hear him but most often he never does. What can I do? Please help.

Edit: cause I didn't make sense",0.4144575163398692,2.441412929411765,2.149215686274509,96.4753594771242,84.41176470588233,4.954248366013072,19.73856209150327,6.139981653823899,-0.1615065359477117,1236,35,288,10,36,405,166,340,0.16699999999999998,0.764,0.069,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,2,24,11,2,2,16,0,24,1,1,4,6,56,54,34,0,3,15,3,2,2,0,0,0,4,2,2,14,17,0,0,7,2,0,7,12,8,0,2,11,8,38,3,29,41,5,44,1,1,2,0,33,19,1,8,20,180,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976908107590682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514434160790134,0.0,0.09134458883613944,0.0,0.07241519304004404,0.0,0.2021684182276805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130107361171805,0.0,0.0,0.122033273633526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304886816783808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20791334749894294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491038489435665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006537883995002,0.08486584001524887,0.0,0.13013207380403036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206451049624541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086403203853636,0.11762388116054588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338884977692884,0.0,0.15924906986941734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707132934442925,0.12717050890748455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528560077582019,0.09683226085835334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607265144480848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975631533115348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237886021949614,0.12043759447171787,0.11934367188341555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625830355812498,0.08732662339197593,0.0,0.18324117952458996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607983805943393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194199124529603,0.0,0.12635112255431155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289737794945173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748944892705696,0.1329791898906983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196112471657267,0.0,0.0,0.0954814228237429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283535344636524,0.0,0.0,0.13853846569219316,0.0,0.0,0.2270238642202956,0.0,0.0,0.2584256390795521,0.0,0.12366784392562673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013453874296591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106035425263875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BixbyClearMyHistory,2018/03/16,Need to recover from a plane crash I keep having nightmares about the crash over and over again. Freaks me out and I have to change my sweat-soaked shorts and underwear. Also been feeling really depressed and can't control my anger. Any advice on what I can do before bed for nightmares and what I can do to be happier during the day? ,4.417230769230769,6.0758701076923085,4.547692307692311,85.61230769230772,71.0,7.661538461538463,25.30769230769231,8.238735603445708,1.5199846153846148,267,8,51,4,5,83,48,65,0.15,0.736,0.114,-0.3601,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,0,10,12,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,7,0,10,10,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33874569944498906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772186060870692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357362055013324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29497651899094096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667133423216202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888012749446189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235627710067351,0.0,0.29857207337940345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527837945615074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081214778503904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570391104852212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220750504951664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,theo_35,2018/03/16,"Hyper-vigilance making getting through the day difficult... I am always frightened by the phone ringing at my desk at work, and jump a mile if I bump into someone around a corner. 
Today for example, my co worker snuck up on me to frighten me as a joke. and when I got home, my dad tried to scare me when we were sitting quietly on the couch, as a joke.

I am very anxious already, and this doesn't help. I just get upset and scared when this happens, but I don't want it to affect my relationships, my reaction is always so out of proportion!

 Should I try to accept that people will scare me, or should I ask them not to? And how do I let people know that I am not upset/angry with them, I am just hyper-vigilant, without telling them about my ptsd? 

Mostly worried about this with my family, I feel they are owed an explanation. 

Thank you! ",3.888872255489023,4.99402019760479,5.1704341317365285,82.78024201596807,71.5748502994012,7.961876247504987,27.09031936127745,8.344100000000001,1.7932439121756492,651,22,129,10,12,217,108,167,0.135,0.805,0.06,-0.852,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,4,2,10,9,0,4,8,0,14,0,0,3,0,29,25,15,0,4,8,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,6,11,0,0,3,2,1,1,5,5,0,0,2,3,29,4,24,19,1,17,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,3,5,99,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18314361146218874,0.0,0.27618798756805424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749024826050253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774170282883511,0.15515242051431666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703200433236912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564545600665571,0.0,0.08391556512222774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341698572166045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327352749450972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467599831053772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124108389368154,0.0,0.1664737972638881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120858286842796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970777619230512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078117628998954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301148331177919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940011390922141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781814846976408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49847187939870496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14061938463608428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450584337951326,0.15279586026680267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731292923602602,0.0,0.0,0.2253551217315589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693634315273706,0.09788891070755533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998181038043188,0.0,0.12082258806559094,0.16854285125402332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jdi1991,2018/03/17,"Hard day I am having such a bad day. Yesterday I asked to much of myself and now I pay the price.. 

I woke up from a nightmare involving my ex (one trauma) .. a nasty one. And another nightmare involving my stepmom (another trauma). Selfharmed right away and the rest of the day is just a blur.. feel like trowing up and dying at the same time. Took my sleeping meds now and pray that this day is over soon.. and my night is peaceful.

Just needed to write it down 😊 thank you",1.458617021276595,3.7578461382978743,2.7632340425531936,91.99400000000004,82.29787234042553,5.887659574468086,22.16595744680852,7.1686216300943375,0.7378502127659576,363,12,76,5,10,117,62,94,0.101,0.7929999999999999,0.107,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,8,0,5,1,1,0,0,13,11,6,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,2,2,2,10,2,11,9,3,18,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,11,54,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41461076848043465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18482254184118688,0.0,0.1857453859142498,0.0,0.16507100036550812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099998319972073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518108676548105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996291385282413,0.14123671270095225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710010844933044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658609236415104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219599810183274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453320348557277,0.14659183030995934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552778578153856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679328807202106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883447257503234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19784248689103787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18201533165713926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528029106577645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965165270841985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,wolflady4,2018/03/17,"Triggered at work I have PTSD from previous violent abuse. I was horribly triggered at work yesterday by a violent student attacking me. I just spent over 24 hours to get my body and mind to calm. Now I am utterly exhausted. I hate this feeling. I am seeing a therapist and I take meds, but it is hard when I deal with new violence coming at me to re-trigger me. 

Thanks for letting me share my struggles. Its nice to come to this subreddit and know that I'm not alone. ",3.0199193548387093,4.9205608172043025,4.677083333333336,82.23562500000001,75.23655913978493,9.381182795698924,30.97983870967742,9.827888789773867,3.300958064516129,368,18,73,11,8,124,67,93,0.249,0.608,0.14400000000000002,-0.8814,0,1,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,3,10,4,1,2,0,6,2,1,2,0,14,17,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,6,0,0,2,3,14,4,13,14,0,11,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,5,48,19,3,0.0,0.23782308423002815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788775158610645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835057529893885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222957207962424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34580894906001625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693586115358914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149121783763514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486910890123467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798077406203181,0.19817169982118932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767101734881612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031171796410437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525213477602594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222957207962424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267228738360224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938588327001793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23463360867174665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994967277372635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983851275304616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091817739743227,0.0,0.0,0.1847981112495575,0.0,0.2330540424326717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922564267358702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,gurneyhallack,2018/03/17,"best therapy experience?. I know there are a lot of bad stories on here about therapy. But I was wondering about good experiences. My own experience was six weeks ago. I slipped and went on s bender, I fell into a depressive, suicidal crisis. I phoned every crisis line that exists, for ten hours, well getting drunker and drunker. I wouldn't admit to being suicidal and couldn't be calmed down. I just kept pissing the bile from the past onto these crisis line people. I had kept the sexual abuse a secret from everybody, without exception, for my entire thirty six years. I had divulged to a few people in the prior few months but this night I just couldn't stop. I was so filled with rage and self loathing. I told them details, I hope to god I didn't hurt anybody. They kept transferring me from person to person, finally giving up and giving me another lines number. Finally after ten hours of this a worker got panicked and used some sort of computer to find me.

The cops came and took me to the hospital, but after I slept in the locked room a few hours they let me out when I asked. I was still part drunk, and no better, so I went home and kept drinking. I didn't phone a crisis line again, it was daylight by this point so I phoned the therapist. She talked me down for an hour, and got me to agree to go into my social workers office since I still couldn't calm down.

She gave me a free appointment the next day. But when I went to it, though sympathetic, she made it clear I had to commit to stop drinking if we were going to get any meaningful work done. She said she wouldn't abandon me, she would sit with me, but that she couldn't ""be"" with me, affected as I was by the alcohol. The very fact she made it clear that she understood the amount of pain I was in, that she really got it, but that my behavior was not acceptable, which she didn't actually say, really affected me.

She didn't coddle me by pretending my actions were reasonable, I knew they were not perfectly well, but she didn't grow annoyed or threaten to abandon me. I have been sober six weeks today and the cravings are pretty manageable. I have a much stronger, healthy fear of alcohol now. I actually want to change for myself, for the first time. I cannot overemphasize how helpful she has been to me. its only been four months, I have no real experience with therapy before this. But even if I destroy this relationship as I have done with most others, I will forever be grateful.

",5.130366649269308,6.036603056367436,5.841549451983299,79.84255382306891,68.54070981210856,9.49480688935282,28.74745563674321,9.673873057562805,2.5515119519832985,1940,66,375,42,32,633,234,479,0.16,0.6779999999999999,0.161,-0.0766,0,0,4,0,1,0,60.0,1,0,4,7,20,22,4,1,24,0,45,8,2,7,5,81,78,31,2,11,17,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,2,3,19,21,5,8,10,4,1,11,17,11,2,7,44,2,74,12,57,21,11,57,0,4,0,0,38,15,1,9,30,280,93,6,0.0,0.09317734524351856,0.15348556461883964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971096521557993,0.16808774342744784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053478932398859716,0.08246249378649448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351920821565543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566238687847055,0.0,0.0,0.06691814388383514,0.0,0.08252942663241616,0.0695520363919012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994495201517104,0.0,0.0,0.0831923038808181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050717276508904216,0.0,0.0677338285584403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095516364383974,0.0,0.15407750687429256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519419842810097,0.0,0.06625887494094711,0.0,0.0,0.30770599862695297,0.0,0.08849357706306459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229588904262694,0.07187692734580305,0.06689243932244106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217389995682113,0.15088022958335665,0.08938757967468962,0.06596077840283954,0.18869043004102667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052711755200494016,0.0,0.07888385964539461,0.07810877676659457,0.30978423625745954,0.0,0.08418737691529722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04321932440841335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804162854329858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685821063978953,0.0,0.1488250211428666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554182681074902,0.0,0.05781056804285385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363615191998891,0.07379974204868807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059810421993468574,0.08368012515251808,0.0,0.0,0.08516110589013576,0.07507223221398554,0.10904026036729897,0.1373334891444021,0.0,0.0,0.07434165845793446,0.0,0.0,0.08000670106794834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951127003818457,0.10075954677939562,0.08085658341066422,0.0,0.0844315649748545,0.0,0.0,0.07480609713710956,0.06253889555976358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204025960795598,0.0,0.0,0.0650530805164584,0.0,0.0,0.08016512917714905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560644376776076,0.13149566918884378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204212433669624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320907733033546,0.0,0.0,0.2698003058133837,0.09130886954246656,0.0,0.0,0.07726489710042816,0.0,0.045856504502079586,0.0,0.07454296852849203,0.07514534537164387,0.08737362569258045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792102623705584,0.0,0.06488749251325761,0.046384807819665225,0.0,0.12616297239575505,0.0,0.1414163473575605,0.2187044391969659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758076218797448,0.08528337711239208,0.05725196538799013,0.0,0.0,0.055864681630970664,0.0,0.0,0.05064256247313099
ptsd,alqcein,2018/03/17,"existing trauma as a child+internet shock sites: did i re-traumatize myself? hey, so i'd like to keep this short and sweet initially, because i'm mainly curious if anyone else had a similar experience.

i was molested by my father as an adolescent. my memory is pretty murky so i can only approximate my age--i think i was 10-13. around that same time i ending up perusing encyclopedia dramatica and similar pages a lot, looking at content that would be inappropriate for any person ever, let alone a young, hurting, isolated child. i've seen about every shock image from the 2005-2010 internet era. i've read awful stories about rape, murder, pedophilia, et cetera. i've seen awful pornography--about anything you can imagine, just barely legal. i've seen videos of people dying. and most of this i saw before high school. 

i've not told anyone about this. one of my good friends in high school was also into this stuff, but we're no longer close and i don't know if he similarly feels traumatized now or not. i am going to speak to my therapist about it next time we meet. i've only really acknowledged it as a problem to myself lately, but now that it's reared its head the emotional turmoil is very painful to bear. i am not comfortable telling my friends--only one of them even knows i was molested, and that she only knows because we were drunk and she told me she was as well. i feel sad, disgusted, ashamed, angry. i wish i could go back to my younger self and do what none of the adults that were supposed to help did--let me know that i was and am not a freak, or a monster, or a predator.

i still struggle with that now. despite not having seen this stuff for close to a decade, i still see those images sometimes when i close my eyes. i sought them out at the time, so i also feel foolish for retroactively being traumatized. most victims don't willingly waltz into the arms of trauma, but i did, countless times over several years. it's affected my sex life (or lack thereof), my self-confidence (i've seen how nasty people can be on the internet, and i always knew that i was only a hair's breadth away from being targeted myself), my ability to connect with others, blah blah.

can anyone else relate?",5.286877846454131,6.4021879268867945,6.058767078724787,77.66528301886794,68.31603773584905,9.433181522446324,29.71502927781393,9.668497473035632,2.7858764801561486,1747,64,321,38,29,573,232,424,0.21600000000000005,0.716,0.068,-0.9966,0,1,0,0,0,0,67.0,2,1,2,0,22,24,6,3,17,2,33,9,4,2,1,59,57,29,2,7,15,1,4,3,1,2,2,1,0,4,23,20,1,1,11,3,0,2,9,18,1,2,21,15,46,6,42,28,9,39,0,2,9,2,22,19,0,9,19,212,69,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954984178729463,0.0,0.1537319576780782,0.07997834299692479,0.0,0.0,0.06536391780993807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016249990333342,0.19696964987697815,0.07909738621454979,0.08556589798014112,0.0,0.0,0.0903065524814697,0.07390924068548001,0.0,0.11718596579997075,0.0,0.08178981629988326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674285005349167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975589158777806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058944880011675,0.10812044439021276,0.08513251591555332,0.0,0.0,0.06348540330063518,0.08694474169378429,0.08098403355395661,0.0,0.0,0.09402239677238736,0.0,0.0,0.1458012980772216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426096211889907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925278701356954,0.08061968900289176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864537422018024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442624562595291,0.20310907482599275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028969079689986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854345937691601,0.0,0.0,0.21129699055045573,0.0,0.10842592390898967,0.0,0.0,0.1965754825627103,0.06789138249287524,0.046958673972606786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071538351256834,0.0,0.0,0.08171656368502808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222318050900757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302648495690832,0.2924099889056237,0.10227692621087456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327301606294495,0.08392702036417357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778713220836782,0.0,0.0919724821814555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614457246546826,0.0,0.06157601170059498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945542313595566,0.07659404893779306,0.0,0.20054524447592587,0.10858661534120603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950637149873372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352081461913367,0.0,0.0,0.10048398997087923,0.22006551331780635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401185927613987,0.0,0.0,0.11160105814340077,0.0,0.061588893059044476,0.0,0.0,0.22419002451057876,0.0,0.0,0.18369080901010174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930787951967372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642213008966435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105316020346797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827986825486781,0.0,0.0,0.0618972021821619
ptsd,taa5771,2018/03/17,"Just want to go back. So, I don’t think I have ptsd. I just don’t care about anything back here at home anymore. It just doesn’t seem to matter since no one will die as a result. It doesn’t feel good; I just want to go back to Afghanistan so I can be happy and functional again.",0.2541530054644809,2.0130367377049225,1.5290983606557411,102.20763661202187,83.2622950819672,4.722404371584699,16.724043715846992,5.46131890053228,-0.9557890710382516,215,4,55,1,6,68,40,61,0.097,0.684,0.219,0.6872,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,0,12,16,4,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,5,3,7,14,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297666462916451,0.0,0.0,0.1906548417290323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53444830200765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362156069209743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240449711835204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714556253224127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633408487105763,0.19432417153959966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466301804206549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323962973847723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15699396317650574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27082428078450954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109149192355108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165004239724756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845270141528985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733045173157616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,extracherrycola,2018/03/17,"Perception of time? Does anyone notice their perception of time is different than others? For me, I can meet someone, fall in love, have second thoughts, and break up, in the span of a month.  Yet when I describe the experience it feels like about 3 months.   I have to objectively look at a timeline to be realistic. 

Same goes for text messages, I’ll feel someone hasn’t responded in twenty or thirty minutes and check the time stamp and it’s been 7 or 8.  

I’ve learned to use calendars and clocks so I don’t look weird but I was just wondering if this could be related to PTSD? 

My friends are always surprised to hear how much has gone on in my life in two week intervals.  I always say “I pack a lot of life into my life!” But it really is just the way I perceive time.  I live very much in the moment, too. If that helps.  I’m highly empathetic and intelligent but I seem to have this weird thing that makes my life feel like it’s moving slow but in reality I’m making everything happen fast.  ",2.2874960127591706,4.463669525252528,3.8499681020733654,86.02126794258375,78.49494949494951,7.400744284954811,23.55236576289208,8.371475516178862,1.491743434343434,778,26,160,16,19,258,124,198,0.02,0.843,0.13699999999999998,0.9744,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,8,0,15,5,0,4,0,33,32,16,0,3,10,0,3,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,10,6,0,0,10,0,1,3,2,2,0,2,4,7,16,5,25,25,4,31,0,0,2,1,9,13,0,7,15,100,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135733162353907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300678596690773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620120317871222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389717743069341,0.0,0.0,0.11640182878144358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195447977115048,0.13011364128402592,0.0,0.0,0.201768285514886,0.19005107844552607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276662282855918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762422593168408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991693588334565,0.0,0.08915677222039968,0.14053705399265468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758081176909045,0.12996826862936706,0.0,0.11745418339001636,0.0,0.22339725037813954,0.0,0.0,0.11308411633045665,0.1200507211730522,0.0,0.17757633699855646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123417065989469,0.1413732943055338,0.19556182970284894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143781630941006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554867568988605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521245334244808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577841783354144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109134630956035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254053989217601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836888044249798,0.0,0.0,0.10559860384594352,0.3102471478071613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993577562619904,0.0,0.0,0.11488176483897895,0.0,0.10975083959835924,0.0,0.1055806675031382,0.10669615676572544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14424848116848002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thssrd,2018/03/17,"[ask] medication Hello Guys!
I suffer from chronic PTSD due to a terrible childhood of physical, mental and sexual abuse.
I just started a treatment to reduce the intensity of the episodes I have daily, combined with depression.
I was prescribed paraxetin (one per day) and atarax (one half if a crisis happens).
I took Atarax yesterday and have never felt better in my life. This morning I took paraxetin for the first time.

I was really reluctant at first with taking pills and I wanted to know If any of you have taken those for a long time and how is your experience with it?

",5.5901886792452835,7.4270579716981135,6.27561320754717,73.66926886792454,68.33962264150944,9.073584905660377,31.174528301886788,9.516144504307137,3.1770037735849046,459,19,75,10,8,150,73,106,0.213,0.787,0.0,-0.9738,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,2,0,3,2,4,0,0,7,0,6,4,0,1,1,16,16,8,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,5,6,1,11,1,14,10,0,15,0,2,0,0,5,2,0,2,11,56,14,0,0.0,0.2290839342595261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148222029627113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807528366221526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099922830787867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469246904623747,0.0,0.16652901934558065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18912993436465733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856429186515272,0.0,0.0,0.32892079361463383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19144338944850395,0.17097563261327475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062581558386565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656631989383936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110552941088625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477621346529445,0.19484775220038605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912070639315106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620331250293983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601166055034724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238626907114867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685161679275415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537247274129667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254837468329093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296300537832258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404074925541074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,moubliepas,2018/03/17,"Advice on my therapy, please? Am I in the wrong here? So I have PTSD (dignosed), and was referred to a local service for treatment. Their website says they help clients process trauma, come to terms with it, learn coping strategies, dealing with flashbacks, etc. The first therapist I saw for three sessions, and I stated my goals (see above) on each session. On the third session I pointed out that he'd triggered me by talking about my trauma 3 times and I really, really wanted to learn to deal with them better before going there again; he said he was a person centred counsellor and only offered a 'safe space to talk about my problems'. Not at all what I thought I'd signed up for.

I told the centre I was very unhappy about that, had got much worse due to being repeatedly triggered, and wanted to learn how to deal with and manage flashbacks, process trauma etc, not just talk about shit. They put me with another therapist.

My fourth session with her was last week. And for the fourth time I went in and said 'I am getting worse. I need to learn how to ground myself, and create a safe space, before going into any more trauma stuff'. She asked some questions about how it was getting worse (just like she asked every session), then said 'Well last session we touched on this trigger and it seemed to make you upset'.... So yes, another flashback; couldn't see or hear the room around me.

I mean, is this normal? Is this even legal? I keep saying 'I need to learn coping mechanisms and please stop triggering me with no therapeutic reason', and they keep just triggering me, over and over again, with no effort to work on what's happened other than to repeat it. Am I missing something?",5.926761904761907,7.015415834920635,5.543809523809526,82.03285714285717,66.84126984126985,7.777777777777778,29.920634920634928,7.793537801064563,1.9575396825396827,1328,47,238,14,21,408,171,315,0.12,0.799,0.081,-0.9308,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,1,5,5,20,14,1,1,10,1,15,1,1,10,1,68,44,20,0,7,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,1,1,13,27,0,5,11,0,0,5,5,9,1,3,14,10,38,5,47,27,8,40,0,1,3,0,32,20,1,4,15,165,51,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286766329578457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462744942590433,0.1993061718948696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460180982990098,0.17769086620327185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173654803999632,0.0,0.0,0.08405124247547796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186473222599827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29393251228477857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119795737057544,0.06277010051669707,0.0,0.080071570190034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083721094212815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993043302356951,0.0,0.1080218139293516,0.0,0.07600863042464552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403964448484283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711199919998454,0.0,0.06370034218265758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16894397009964987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549333545509652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04642958116581492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343698380190334,0.0,0.0,0.103521601035094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986208203647687,0.1409353482892909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311468484120193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227883671453593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298139777704383,0.0,0.20864104384615653,0.08983933591633281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093620976087162,0.11109150065285647,0.09553700116320074,0.1064615931177278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176444483026512,0.09771239852266643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27120178223196445,0.15115220624810796,0.0,0.0,0.15146209682369566,0.08651681754706649,0.0,0.0,0.09755265131078536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316302810651545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794539955177625,0.0,0.0,0.1087929955001092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291579841921881,0.0,0.0,0.10868146163304086,0.2206872532338763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544763040959883,0.11083201524868484,0.0,0.0,0.0908105638941584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841430171975004,0.1121088880061347,0.0,0.07623180523796579,0.0,0.08544839460035418,0.08809892948750571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918702995134679,0.0,0.2905481079532932,0.0,0.10390648155172454,0.0,0.0
ptsd,truesilk,2018/03/18,"I ran into my abusive ex at a coffee shop after managing to avoid him for a year It's really a blur honestly. I was meeting someone from a tinder date and he was there. I remember telling myself not to freak out and to stay stoic because if I didn't he would see that as an oppertunity. He definitely noticed me. I left and from the point where I was out the door and in my car I don't really remember. It must have been three blocks over. I drove to some place and just lost it for a good hour. I was too afraid to go to my house. Then I went home and took an anti-anxiety pill so I could go to the gym. I know people at the gym and tbh I feel more safe there than I ever can at my own place. 

I love this town but part of me just wants to escape it. I wonder sometimes if a change of location might reprogram my mind to a point where I can move freely though life without fear. Obviously running into him doesn't help and now I'm going to be afraid to even move around in this city. There are 150,000 people here and I run into him, like what are the odds.

I'm sad now and think I'm just going to spend the rest of the night drinking. I don't want to feel anything right now.",1.6279992471296794,3.0084085889328094,3.4271485036702423,91.94974967061928,77.73517786561264,6.716280820628648,20.74327122153209,7.447530270364453,0.4061207980425374,915,22,215,12,21,307,145,253,0.065,0.8320000000000001,0.103,0.8504,0,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,18,12,0,4,16,0,19,4,0,0,3,45,40,17,0,7,8,1,2,1,0,3,2,0,2,0,8,16,1,3,7,4,2,13,6,7,0,1,11,3,30,5,36,24,5,45,0,2,1,1,11,21,0,6,11,147,38,1,0.0,0.1487551424893985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604471070968701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331620413496187,0.1117653086377388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653356036002201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281429069984438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024073286718588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299031180592135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292399029732135,0.11356634032041105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127763171411478,0.12696278512860834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854097660013736,0.10530462060689114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415290900618584,0.0,0.12593597457618738,0.0,0.12364056435878484,0.14486679407468098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899849683275104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640945435058974,0.0,0.08867903565880934,0.06133694396552039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370516633777763,0.0,0.11331295608177368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331877448288742,0.126768791541025,0.0,0.0,0.2668776285931133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781931665301534,0.0,0.0,0.14293847184684608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595743051203854,0.0,0.17407986271369924,0.0,0.2623441559496868,0.0,0.2373689434466364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085992468624033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28444529076385705,0.10721823743256237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004637035812236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637733709153824,0.0,0.1241712609417794,0.0,0.0,0.133818625802382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097354390344536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044678784296026,0.12335134412302222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948965927014612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481042130686296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638526486162035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102484316366907,0.1361526332519487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918647182339615,0.0,0.0,0.08084949809452621
ptsd,_shinydratini_,2018/03/18,"Recently clinically diagnosed with PTSD I took the MCMI-IV last week and scored high in anxiety and PTSD. I’ve been suspecting I had PTSD for a year or so now, but for some reason, having a psychiatrist tell me made me feel weird. I’m not really sure how to describe how I’ve felt other than weird. My main feeling is guilt; I feel like it’s my fault that I have PTSD.  I caused it by staying in an abusive relationship. I know if someone said that to me, I would tell them it’s not their fault. For some reason, I can’t do that for myself. My therapist is creating a treatment plan with my psych. I’m anxious about that because its painful to talk about. 

If anyone has any good online resources, I would appreciate it :) ",3.628371212121216,5.050137569444448,4.839065656565656,83.6852272727273,72.6111111111111,8.291919191919192,26.97979797979798,8.841846274778883,1.9591472222222224,566,20,116,11,11,187,93,144,0.198,0.6809999999999999,0.121,-0.8825,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,0,1,5,0,11,3,0,6,1,27,21,9,0,4,6,0,4,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,8,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,6,5,19,3,15,13,3,10,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,5,6,75,29,1,0.0,0.15680194153526314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999612952546097,0.0,0.10124017806338964,0.14950718112390707,0.0,0.09253560749595503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067358651424751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595022597878187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432289843565345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074611416182506,0.09454413361555963,0.12706770630128514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100099591495864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982508406998673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273091931703217,0.10787523233428087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465492043287632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252238524463184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408197030891622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.618796203207421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478076147120862,0.27213630591352395,0.1306703526692734,0.1420842510625062,0.0,0.0,0.12588619303456913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213174020180934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105744506204065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472942626915612,0.0,0.0,0.10637034165489516,0.23134299235474326,0.0,0.0,0.1536576083621006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703524887692554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615562704546086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802189566771066,0.0,0.0,0.08522299169776107
ptsd,linzlelou,2018/03/18,How CAN I provide THE BEST support for someone with PTSD and Depression while he’s away on deployment ? Package ideas?  Letters?  Emails?  Pics?  Do’s and Dont’s for someone with it’s and depression.   ,0.8681756756756762,2.751584297297299,1.8407770270270267,90.10278716216213,111.43243243243244,5.093243243243244,28.949324324324326,6.6274283507984215,2.14748918918919,157,9,28,3,8,49,27,37,0.172,0.628,0.2,0.2944,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,4,1,3,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25933430641223354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896709095701445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754793660346362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32349891086860083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31159830598206023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322658121380952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677496914578208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132295761350757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Brad_Boi_Brad_Boi,2018/03/18,"Fiancée having an increase in symptoms, any new ideas for calming? Hi, I’m Brad. I don’t really know exactly what to do here, my fiancée Christi has PTSD, Sensory Processing Disorder, generalized anxiety, and depression. It’s 6:35 AM, and she’s currently panicking. Our normal “calm tactics” haven’t been working, and she refuses professional help. 
Some of those calming tactics are breathing exercises, walking, aromatherapy with an essential oil diffuser, playing with water, music, sensory relaxation, hammock, progressive muscle relaxation, physical contact (with permission), messing with sand, and watching really pretty drone shot YouTube videos. 
Right now — nothing is helping. She’s been like this for over an hour which isn’t uncommon, but it hasn’t gotten any better. Any other strategies you guys use, or suggest we could use??
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ptsd,lemoncolic,2018/03/18,"Newly Diagnosed, feeling lost. So I was just diagnosed with PTSD after being misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder for a year and a half. I have been unable to function in a normal employment environment since December, and my relationships have suffered tremendously.

I find myself dissociating for hours at a time. My inability to remain present is causing throwing my life for a loop.

How do you combat dissociation? While I am seeing a therapist regularly, what resources do you recommend? 

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ptsd,frencln,2018/03/19,"id like an opinion about asking about inpatient i know no one here is a doctor, but i wanted your alls opinions on asking my doctor to be admitted to inpatient

ive been having trouble waking up, and ive been having lots of nightmares/flashbacks and anxiety attacks throughout my school day bc of the nightmares or just in general. its also making me extremely tired and causing all of my depression and anxiety symptoms to go full on

should i ask about intensive care?",7.708636363636366,7.908366227272732,8.169454545454549,67.83918181818184,62.86363636363637,11.130909090909093,39.190909090909095,10.793553405168565,4.654651818181818,380,19,59,9,5,126,63,88,0.224,0.6990000000000001,0.076,-0.9412,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,1,0,3,0,9,5,1,2,2,19,18,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,10,2,13,14,4,7,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,4,2,49,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729381361442232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009363292374219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5516389235687901,0.22376453858011955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005397005327592,0.2020559561809349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684949733428966,0.0,0.1694097691475339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026433814666888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178409341117168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809629289483468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609334354402628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167219752244354,0.0,0.0,0.1312928466036085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328298993978102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906190923197412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044373801827488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260675022770889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601351572652276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FetusFarmer,2018/03/19,"Shadow work After a psychedelic experience, I have been led to Jungian concepts through a fascination with archetypes and the Hero's Journey. 

Seemingly unrelatedly, (yeah, right) I have now come to the point where I must answer the Call to Adventure - meaning: I can no longer pretend to out-run, out-think, out-busy, out-anger, out-distract, out-work, out-stimulate, etc. my PTSD. I have finally, after years of this pretending, decided to seek help.

In certain times of insight recently, I have felt like there is a distinctly separate self - my triggered self - and my ""normal?"" self...

I have also noticed that this other self is always aware and waiting to explode out in front and take charge, even briefly.

That self seems fixated on and around other things I don't like about myself, not just things related to my trauma.

I find this in line with Shadow as described by Jung. 

I am interested in attempting to transform this life ordeal into an opportunity to integrate with my Shadow. In fact, I feel that having PTSD gives me more direct access to my Shadow,so why not take advantage?

I welcome any feedback, especially from experience with Shadow work/Jungian therapy.",6.676376811594203,8.528722241545896,6.893449275362323,70.2193043478261,65.71497584541063,9.964444444444446,34.57294685990337,10.203070172399654,3.9544372946859903,932,43,147,23,15,300,130,207,0.053,0.8340000000000001,0.113,0.9009,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,5,8,10,0,0,7,1,13,1,0,2,4,33,23,7,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,5,11,13,0,1,9,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,2,2,20,9,32,20,2,23,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,2,9,99,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556320219052898,0.09943263168069927,0.0,0.0,0.08126332856199553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637932844663714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202170580004153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293769430199036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327282679035898,0.07892787580927288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23378564740619426,0.0,0.0,0.06042221859500831,0.0,0.1147376539549865,0.13090516969118346,0.10921980116142364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463420378978115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009757281595539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440558502152394,0.1167622223309074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016930039647692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708351939329804,0.0,0.13605025414050226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129650564460332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793755655899272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799071647043262,0.0,0.0,0.10205138100837118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757456414943785,0.6233169093681168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17969655501141185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665737088092006,0.0,0.1587794770858228,0.07657004996211808,0.0,0.0,0.06968075137073186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782914221494726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26098979909199377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695335357074512
ptsd,hazy_night,2018/03/19,"Trauma & envy I find myself still experiencing envy of people who have not had a long history of trauma.  One of the biggest thing I envy is other people my age having parents.  I'm 25, getting married in a few months and I can't help by envy my friends who are getting married and their parents are there.  Silly, I know...",2.596145833333331,4.761047156250001,4.979375000000001,78.36145833333336,77.4375,5.516666666666668,26.291666666666664,6.42735559955562,1.3426854166666669,254,10,43,2,6,89,45,64,0.241,0.6970000000000001,0.062,-0.8767,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,11,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,8,2,5,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869023481420801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420153665348721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457787536156785,0.0,0.2766860973615508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774846981726036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552292403610173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343328543780249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135468886202288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943011643499274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.588041029715658,0.0,0.0,0.3671472829227813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114634740947328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591623925567604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,zwschlei,2018/03/19,My friend passed away from mental illness. I decided to create a free community on Slack for anyone suffering and looking for support! My friend passed away from mental illness. I decided to create a free community on Slack called www.18percent.org for anyone suffering and looking for support!,8.414375,11.500335020833335,7.5275,62.4675,63.375,9.8,39.08333333333333,10.125756701596842,5.087233333333334,243,13,29,6,4,75,24,48,0.174,0.479,0.34700000000000003,0.8906,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,8,12,4,0,6,0,2,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30552355726943364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41052616428257344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230859107137129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33758422945954736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669254985546125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403398847364533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958423673657201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,foxydreamweaver,2018/03/20,"How to find more support I had quite a few anxiety episodes last year. Made quite a few mistakes in moments of crisis, alienated myself from most of the friends that I had. Now I am down to one friend I can visit and two out of state I can text. My only family member I can talk to is also in another state and we text a lot now, though initially I hadn't turned to her. 

My concern now though is that I am not moving past the breakdown. I am holding on to regret and ruminating about all I should have done differently if I was centered and in control of myself at the time. I even can see where I fell off of self care and try as I might I cant seem to get back to it. Going to the gym takes a week of trying and I usually just go to the steam room. I was car camping, moved into a cheap effeciency that is by a train which triggers me all the time. I am alone, I can barely feed myself. My old therapist is not under my current health plan and every time I try to look up a new one I panic thinking there's no way Ill be able to build trust with a stranger right now. 

I keep trying to make friends with coworkers but my anxious crisis behavior really off put their willingness to engage with me. I can tell, and it may be that I'm blowing it out of proportion but it still feels negative. I can't find any support groups that meet on weekends and they all cost so much I'd only be able to go once a month if that.  Part of my PTSD triggers include getting to know new people, especially men and especially at bars or when drinking is involved. So that's leaves me with few options, especially with how difficult life is right now I keep trying to find volunteer opportunities, reconnect with friends who still don't respond to my messages, I talk to people online now but only if there is no potential to meet because meeting someone off the internet triggers me the worst. I was assaulted by someone I met online and it the idea puts me in a panic. So how in the hell do I make new connections? I cant tely on strangers for support and sithout support I don't know how to turn strangers into friends. I feel like I live in a horrible catch 22.",4.0325342465753415,4.84634197945206,5.2446392694063935,83.46531506849318,70.98630136986301,8.397077625570777,29.668493150684927,8.648137234880735,2.144476164383561,1689,66,350,28,30,562,217,438,0.132,0.767,0.101,-0.946,2,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,2,5,26,23,2,2,21,0,37,6,0,11,3,68,65,31,0,6,10,0,2,1,5,3,3,0,1,2,14,23,3,4,10,4,2,11,11,8,0,3,9,4,52,14,61,50,12,66,1,1,2,0,25,26,1,10,27,249,66,0,0.15419531379859655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798499211109136,0.0,0.0616549683677526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05242905048282986,0.08084361552745484,0.058979496502396415,0.08709840732065371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059283339201211274,0.0,0.04699801605123263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860619949831367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647157795939336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055064205996981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889767074272175,0.0,0.07552635237678279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092227525666684,0.0,0.06495810113233481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268080940890932,0.0,0.07796578370735839,0.055078581493698944,0.0,0.0,0.2113975849924121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978272923569545,0.0,0.08056068728288689,0.0,0.13144912539621506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195120403498267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703387028025653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705587975090194,0.0,0.0,0.08474171190787716,0.06284488046011934,0.0,0.08163528663350449,0.0,0.0,0.05445635511656671,0.03766602080792382,0.0,0.06807864353663358,0.0,0.06474261425434326,0.0,0.0,0.06554567085748217,0.0,0.0729516671014729,0.10292656930679764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08178843032846334,0.0,0.0,0.0615386141824681,0.16388521601937442,0.05667564879108322,0.0,0.0,0.2233841923777531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090102169397569,0.08210648840243236,0.10448673523601586,0.1759087266761771,0.0,0.18091497750632488,0.0,0.08348924931012176,0.07359843729209704,0.1068996155873135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012303514499152,0.15500887939903527,0.0,0.1640056965011491,0.0,0.0,0.049390733208023334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168195547512065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143685068145241,0.07018681125563322,0.08042967052015615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306491889988446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123140576781766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499580296030166,0.0,0.0,0.057967843066484975,0.1239363524166356,0.06738675034677069,0.0,0.0,0.08951632196147168,0.0,0.0494010654741277,0.15149611291475135,0.0,0.13486879122274187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26172124105755096,0.16772022311387946,0.07531320806291439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491217679965371,0.0,0.0,0.061196531446124226,0.06184308990564245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049648363297175
ptsd,Peaceloveandhp,2018/03/20,"Flashbacks I never thought I had flashbacks until I was reading something and then the next thing I know my hands are on my head and I forgot I was in my office and instead felt like I was back to that incident. Like I was right there in that moment again.

Is that a flashback? I don't know if this has happened before. I often have the memory and feel emotions attached to it, but never checking out like that. I've been dealing with things for a while now, so why would I suddenly have a flashback? 

Then I started judging myself for having a flashback over that. Why don't I have flashbacks for the other traumatizing things that happened to me? I think I was really drunk or asleep for the other incidents, and this one I was sober and remember it clearly. I've only told one person what happened. Does it help to say it? Will it make things better? 

I am in therapy. I guess I should tell my therapist. I just feel so gross talking about it. It makes me feel more disgusting than the other things that happened to me. A lot of the physical abuse I endured was in the form of sexual abuse while I was asleep. Then emotional and psychological. I wish I could just wipe it from my memory. ",2.8267420991026135,5.0763637167382,3.9361626999609847,85.70582813109637,77.06866952789699,6.811470932500976,25.18318376902068,7.84624498591911,1.507945922746781,938,34,180,15,22,304,121,233,0.129,0.774,0.096,-0.9316,0,0,1,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,1,0,12,0,24,5,4,2,3,36,43,18,0,5,5,0,5,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,26,9,1,1,9,2,1,0,4,2,0,2,14,6,33,4,23,25,3,23,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,5,18,150,59,1,0.0,0.2763521898878043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967388311596007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923536433235844,0.0,0.0,0.10314125991583327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311189374773872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202305036562392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205529117501357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623644892782228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769003231621701,0.0,0.11197386510830734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284705099954877,0.0,0.4125081109930901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968616746306834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816819069278894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818303542048246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092449883309216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914648713159788,0.0,0.0,0.15569003483791535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988967189064214,0.0,0.12402711021907856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804999193654248,0.08869506344493368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182842828050122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166519514141909,0.0,0.0747100095302553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210817066621294,0.09959317780395674,0.0,0.09274121674070522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978007553386394,0.0,0.0,0.0825445138975117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373505381256206,0.10193136310441216,0.0,0.13336558213992522,0.1354052639528046,0.3873870332957687,0.07472563844784752,0.0,0.09258356484593902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143578248047206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046352978173746,0.0,0.13410769572991876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284378067305813,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,waywardandweird,2018/03/20,"Another terrible anniversary. Woke up crying. I'm ashamed and I hate myself. (Sexual abuse and violence) I missed the primary elections two years ago because two years ago yesterday, my ex dislocated my arm in three places in the wee hours of the morning and threw my car/house keys into his lawn in the dark and rain. I was still trying to get it back together because I couldn't explain it at the ER and I didn't want insurance make me have to face him in court. I should have seen it coming. Three months before that, he screamed in my face and grabbed me by the shoulders. I ignored the blazing red flags. I still experience daily pain. Roughly twelve hours before that he'd shoved me over the couch (I have a serious back injury which I finally had my spine fused for recently, and that has long been a huge no no for me) and yanked my pants down to try to fuck me while his 4 y.o. daughter was in the bathroom. He was angry he didn't succeed because she finished using the bathroom too quickly. I was shocked because he hadn't done anything like that in the 11.5 months we'd been together, but as a testament to my prior experiences with abuse, I saw it as nothing terribly abnormal. This was what I'd always known relationships to be, whether it be family, friends, or intimate relationships.

I was supposed to move in with them in a couple weeks. I wanted to wait until a year in, because I knew deep down he was a bad guy, but I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to be a mom (I can't have kids), and I wanted to save his daughter from the life I had growing up. He used this all against me. He's a narcissist and has some severely anti-social tendencies. 

Last night I had a nightmare involving me babysitting for him and his ex-wife, and their friends drugging me to rape me when they brought the party home. It brought back all the bad and my husband (we met two years ago next month) has super-hearing abilities and heard me crying while he was in the bathroom getting ready for work. He came out to hold me. Now he's gone and I'm crying again, damn it. It brought back all the memories of all the physical and sexual assaults and rapes I've experienced. People like that can smell a victim a mile away. 

The shame is so overwhelming right now. That I let it happen. My entire life. From the first time I didn't say anything aged six. I just want to forget. I don't want to feel these people touching me. So many people, so many times, I've literally lost count. The things I've let happen because I never understood that people who love you don't hurt you like that. Things I let happen because I was conditioned to believe from such a young age that that is what life is. Hiding, hurting, and being used. Because I never saw the value in myself as a person. I still don't. I'm a garbage person. 

My husband was the first to tell me that it wasn't normal to let myself be an object. A fuck toy and a punching bag. I had just accepted my fate that it was my place to be used and abused. That my normal was to live in fear of being hurt or fucked. I was 34 when we met. Now, after all the years of being used like a Kleenex, I feel so dirty, ashamed, and undeserving of someone as wonderful as he is. I feel like if he truly knew all that had happened, all the things I let happen, though I've shared a lot with him, that he would be disgusted. He's a better person than that, I know. But I feel unworthy of love, and unworthy of the safety I have with him now. This morning I told him I often wonder if I'd met him sooner, if I'd believe him or just brush him off as some bullshit fairytale who would eventually hurt me in the same ways. It did take a long time after we got together to believe he wouldn't, but now I actually believe he'd lay down his life to protect me. And I don't think I deserve that.

I'm just so sad and filled with so much self-loathing today. The memories literally make me sick, make me vomit, which I don't need to be doing right now after a major surgery. I just want to erase it all. A couple months ago I asked my psychiatrist if ECT would make me forget. Apparently it doesn't work that way. I don't drink or do drugs anymore (which didn't help keep me safe at all btw) so there is nothing to blur it out. I just have to live with all the horror and memories and I hate it. 

Tl;dr I hate myself and the life I led. I'm ashamed I didn't figure out that things could be different sooner. ",3.4266719912144943,4.663027492753624,4.5622239970715,86.19929666051016,72.84615384615384,7.629471372235812,26.431537962362103,8.11326742549577,1.5197043178755054,3459,117,723,51,67,1135,351,897,0.211,0.7070000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.999,2,0,3,0,3,0,107.0,4,2,3,7,35,50,12,6,52,0,81,23,5,10,12,130,154,59,0,22,19,6,7,5,2,5,10,3,3,5,50,42,1,6,15,2,0,11,21,35,1,8,49,17,114,15,87,78,16,108,1,8,4,7,71,35,4,15,65,485,164,3,0.0,0.1719762140949746,0.047214385021008685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155282896072613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04025815359782507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073331737869749,0.0,0.0,0.04798248423533773,0.0,0.0,0.07962942476900968,0.0,0.04523114876312728,0.0,0.0454569940368588,0.14881276367173968,0.08079480889756589,0.23594840472581916,0.0,0.08233996514444425,0.2180422418817748,0.0,0.0427904296193253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05533674265311559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04167727875817544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03862952555927696,0.10706873241589444,0.15943786267905688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054946221818197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951214198072488,0.0,0.047396475041191134,0.11221678438949616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465482652082363,0.045610757844329504,0.05444381469642108,0.09785467469997068,0.034564500083984,0.0,0.05300071353939604,0.0,0.08230833676137199,0.0,0.0,0.07476046907898205,0.13418665072279756,0.050555766086200084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03869594136691085,0.0,0.0,0.04790632661529885,0.21392262545142926,0.0,0.0,0.1433032406688079,0.0,0.0,0.05453064497516938,0.0,0.032429800305321985,0.0,0.04853163788386275,0.0,0.09529412254775332,0.055826961399145086,0.2071780619869304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043004629373965465,0.0,0.0,0.026589781625838124,0.0394382320138412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473721533240712,0.17087011320501824,0.1181863388700166,0.0,0.08544534795285844,0.08563406029589178,0.0,0.0,0.05281526363547087,0.041133109902574586,0.08733427236526127,0.0,0.1291828989407066,0.09810461414120288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05666505239112536,0.1544739444912186,0.05142298883925906,0.03556673781846309,0.035875044343380534,0.07463120336673712,0.0,0.051455385895504996,0.045403741311972064,0.09480924376306672,0.09284871434568814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148243950326813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416946013281986,0.12673731726194706,0.10109892443636394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777192664514518,0.10388949414360188,0.0,0.08263685878692577,0.0,0.038475742016261166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047354666835019,0.054658504730990834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040994373689885434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591508970693393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036377652840770935,0.0,0.042288477205732436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285728531701766,0.031001581475454818,0.047535605180429534,0.0,0.08463675387280231,0.0,0.045860995794012975,0.04623159549530658,0.0,0.0656971447933823,0.0,0.14178814972096804,0.0,0.0,0.20893492438472366,0.0,0.0,0.22829823049085385,0.07680762499488389,0.03880955951056854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493761319837144,0.07044613853428752,0.0,0.0,0.10310871621644208,0.05289871814956186,0.0,0.15578386469077765
ptsd,symphonix,2018/03/20,"What caused your PTSD? I’ll share mine. I promise to read your story too and respond. 

I’ve watched my father and mother argue often as a kid. We were post Soviet Union immigrants to Israel. My dad had his own issues and I suspect he had PTSD from doing 8 years in USSR prison back in the 70s. That was before he met my mother but he spent his entire 20s in jail. He was a good father and a loving man, but he was prone to temper and beat my mom. It was scary as a kid when they fought. 

My mom is a passive aggressive and manipulative person. Ion kindergarten my ass was so blue from belt bearings I couldn’t sit. I used to get beat for running away from kindergarten and just other child things. I remember her beating me a lot more than my father. Also complained to me about having stretch marks because of me and how I ruined her figure.

She eventually ran away from my dad and took me with her. It was only a few blocks away. However after two months with her and her lover, she got mad one day because him and I didn’t get along and ran away again but this time she said she wasn’t taking me. I chased after her that morning. She got on a bus and left me at the bus stop, crying, begging her not to leave me, she kicked me off the bus steps and left. I was 9. 

Alas, it was all a front and she came back looking for me hours later but I was to torn and hiding at my grandmas. My dad was temporarily staying with her. 

I decided to stay with my father after that. He got custody of me but my mom didn’t make it easy. At the age of 14 I watched my father die in the living g room on a Friday afternoon.  I blamed myself a few years for not calling an ambulance because he asked me not to since we were poor and he was unemployed. I spent the next year and half going to a boarding school were I contemplated suicide for the first time. Left the school months later and went on a year long trip of heroin, LSD, ecstasy and homemade speed we used to cook. I’ve done more cocktail of drugs at 15 than I had since. Now I stick to the basics party drugs and weed. 

Luckily my family in the US adopted me and brought me to Texas in 2001 when I was 16. It took me a good 3-4 years to stop being a mute and feel more or less myself again. They took in a broken boy and my uncle and I fought a lot. He had a temper too and we later discovered he too has PTSD and depression because his lost a limb in his 20s due to a terrible accident at a plant he was working. He blamed the accident on himself.  Still does. 

By the age of 20 I started to think I’m coming to myself again and got my first girlfriend. It didn’t last and I discovered how crazy I can get during and after breakups. Numerous phone calls and threats and eventually that was my first and only suicide attempt.

Took me another 7-8 years and multiple bad relationships and legal troubles to understand what is wrong with me. However, I’m 33 years old now and I’m on probation from my relationship two years ago for harassment. this was a woman I thought I’d marry and I was truly blessed to have someone as beautiful and kind as her. Going into the relationship I told her if my recent discoveries of my mental health and she said she will stick with me but I was quite emotionally and verbally abusive and it took a toll on her too. 

Here I am 33, thrown away my IT career, took a year off after breakup, squandered hundreds of thousands in crypto currency investments and filed bankruptcy. Now I’m selling popcorn at Sams Clubs for my friend but I can’t even do that properly. I missed all week of work last week because I’ve ran into my ex with someone else a month ago and been spiraling out of control ever since. From hypomania, to panic attacks and now depressive episodes. 

Edit: I do have a great therapist who truly cares about me. After I couldn’t pay her anymore over a year ago, she took me on pro-bono. She calls me and makes time middle of the night to talk to me even at 2am before I do something stupid. I’m lucky to have her and I’m lucky to have many loving friends who help me. 

My other dilemma is I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD  but I no longer see the difference honestly between these two conditions. ",2.7420566694283366,4.430930237647061,4.058072908036454,87.29135625517814,75.44705882352943,7.094614747307374,24.442419221209608,7.8749477477759875,1.2359019055509526,3282,106,682,49,71,1079,369,850,0.185,0.7070000000000001,0.108,-0.9974,4,0,3,0,0,2,70.0,5,2,2,12,28,38,11,1,43,0,51,9,1,9,3,109,106,67,3,3,14,14,1,0,4,1,4,2,1,7,23,65,2,4,8,4,7,20,11,22,0,9,58,8,122,16,106,44,11,127,1,5,5,4,100,40,1,7,63,452,145,10,0.0,0.06135758556213058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377146934693715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0414130049880509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05430182095173449,0.0,0.0,0.051357498432790784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048412638251957005,0.058913708933799575,0.24327184567572055,0.0796400123799972,0.043238895791460924,0.1578404080551099,0.0,0.08813163174547495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522227537281836,0.0,0.1586369667962555,0.0592290440850103,0.05279897173084948,0.05319817816674266,0.0,0.04460879449275378,0.0,0.0,0.05808206514675605,0.0,0.0,0.05688415896730292,0.03339749189827652,0.0,0.08920589377951345,0.0525613946678428,0.0537453799237114,0.05410503370179295,0.0,0.0,0.04531801439953334,0.0529947499530772,0.0,0.0,0.120109940538926,0.0,0.04326030673540252,0.05825194150221447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840793191648878,0.04684312976732395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048818948452514686,0.0,0.026184405531695064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214666800581998,0.0,0.0,0.0800190055755978,0.0,0.08116767146129866,0.0,0.05886201258200197,0.0868707751657796,0.16567101764546638,0.057093916253020766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504577670422742,0.0,0.0,0.03471086261785688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050998482335727735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05405081567971302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392683678051682,0.0,0.08442451328317023,0.0,0.05483357825097071,0.1687959413046111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572772120400512,0.045828714243611485,0.04348694481622528,0.0,0.056530208108493,0.08805269927235213,0.09347723086051796,0.0,0.06913471275633308,0.05250257096209002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218780472697795,0.0,0.0,0.1819523552655888,0.1240045532532898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05507467865827647,0.04859737069543227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434038008043753,0.0,0.035091330042571936,0.07877071567944588,0.0,0.06075936022863335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04521727512573518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049596385001020205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24213884478772404,0.0,0.0,0.05508046559004687,0.051799713205034265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113213054530731,0.16679538224286058,0.058663102242103325,0.0,0.09852011760291113,0.0,0.0,0.10481978471401,0.04126649759262328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851299669797414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775570986301648,0.03986716131021117,0.0,0.0,0.03665418447530502,0.11039333020788243,0.041356126322838214,0.08659032678187759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329029966126695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038936401033245714,0.041623383457248316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060127188222536536,0.03440411751505214,0.033182185070507936,0.0,0.041112060693190566,0.09058997306308077,0.0,0.0,0.04948345486970413,0.4027507212409331,0.0,0.0,0.15176131025996398,0.0539107392497664,0.062291820004034014,0.08945243434262279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307872856126182,0.0,0.0,0.04800586203214477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540121165102838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056619532684844986,0.0,0.33348292462183265
ptsd,egbdfaces,2018/03/20,"Ever since I was kid I thought I would be dead by now. I always thought I would die by 30.  When I hit 30 I was relieved, but then worried that I would still be dead by the end of the year.

 As the day approaches I keep confronting myself about giving into this intrusive thought. I'm not a superstitious person. I'm as secular as they come. I can't get to the root of it. It's a knot of dread, and now excitement about being free of it-knock on wood. 

I said something to my husband about it in passing and he was just floored. I know logically there is no reason to believe it but in my heart of hearts it was always just a fact. 

My symptoms have been spiking way more than usual and I'm sort of alarmed it's hitting me so much. I want to reach back and shake my child self 'why did you think this???!!!??"" but I hardly can go to those places anymore, it's like my life is so much better every old memory is  like visiting someone elses nightmare. And that's the strangest part. If I could go back to my child self I'd say ""you are going to be happy one day in ways you can't even fathom"" but even that hasn't touched my self imposed doomsday. 

Of all the things about PTSD the thing I hate the most is the self policing limbo of reason and pathology. I just want to be at peace in myself. ",0.8478465215082309,2.9339449144981415,2.3694251194901765,95.18635223048331,83.12639405204462,5.181147105682422,21.131306425916094,6.367922702773337,0.13826595857673896,998,31,225,9,28,324,148,269,0.142,0.725,0.133,-0.5533,0,0,1,0,0,2,31.0,0,3,1,1,19,12,2,3,12,0,25,5,2,3,3,38,46,18,3,7,9,1,2,2,0,3,3,2,0,8,15,8,0,1,8,0,1,8,5,5,0,1,10,4,31,8,34,25,6,33,0,0,0,0,18,9,0,3,16,153,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841671018313926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632475931715107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487767914551826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079037412561636,0.0,0.0948196451863062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235300555141474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855994655775027,0.0,0.0,0.13828478396500407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112683592304582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956124893129566,0.0,0.09495735251636056,0.0,0.0,0.1416240494252883,0.09697872073521377,0.09033010876840417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601345727375485,0.10284680777792557,0.182791885655062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412837762486508,0.09604022864552064,0.10584892116567676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25409171363846045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529429208549976,0.0,0.0,0.05892050352784209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572648207171362,0.1047560103249108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762522089088682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250018029628292,0.0,0.07264912300543347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160993446500495,0.0,0.0,0.0936127350714489,0.11201294575742987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532422323431278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204620582717803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198245739845826,0.08525869543067377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473788956048246,0.0,0.0,0.08868626042939334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083975090902748,0.08253646420324487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561904905317494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143354742053356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245279174155925,0.06869664506451709,0.0,0.2553412894880009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807805388967335,0.0,0.12647195532028427,0.17019861250303067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674148461462832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887823656059406,0.0,0.2284794047228528,0.0,0.0,0.06904053503150585
ptsd,SomeoneBeingOther,2018/03/20,"Kind of a rant, kind of a ramble. Maybe they're onto something? I lose track of parts of me sometimes. I've had now 4 different medical/therapists/counselors conclude/suggest PTSD. Every time I say ""no no, that can't be me. What I've gone through isn't _that bad_"". But then I go about my day and something happens, a sentence, a behavioral tick from someone, I crumble inwards for a bit and become quiet and stoic. Like those ticks are the ends of fishing lines left out to drift. Dredging up decades of history, bullying, sexual violence, alcoholic/emotionally abusive parents, and for a moment I'm back there, in all those times, experiencing all those things again. Like it's on fast-forward, catching back up to the present, the line is reeling in, it's all coming back to the surface. 

I have had friends survive substantially worse violence, traumatic losses, physical abuses, and some of them have PTSD and _seem fine_. I'm a guy, stay tough, roll with it. I can't have PTSD. I _can't_ have PTSD. **I just can't**.

But then sometimes I think, maybe they're onto something. I accept the 'Major Depressive Disorder' the 'Generalized Anxiety Disorder' diagnoses. I accept those, but I deeply stigmatize the idea of 'a male with PTSD' as though it's somehow invalid. As though I haven't suffered enough to be ""that"". I hate the stigma about it I have, but holding onto it keeps me from agreeing with my therapist that, yeah, maybe a collective shitstorm of events over several years left me dinged me up.  
  
quasi-tl;dr: If I keep the irrational belief that men can't get PTSD, then I can live in the delusion that I don't have it. Right?",3.402745098039219,5.932367836601308,4.198457516339872,83.1290588235294,76.51633986928104,7.478692810457518,29.154248366013068,8.447377352677275,2.4430216993464047,1282,58,233,26,30,410,168,306,0.146,0.787,0.068,-0.9565,2,0,4,0,1,0,63.0,0,0,1,3,12,15,1,0,19,1,21,1,0,0,3,32,33,18,0,1,6,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,3,19,11,0,3,6,0,0,5,10,7,0,0,3,3,26,8,37,28,8,38,1,4,0,0,7,16,0,4,18,154,45,0,0.0,0.20604552306062796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651730597076506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057994285126174,0.07260048466944752,0.0,0.09603058992506804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949280132264961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490061994907113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056076226142612574,0.0,0.07489080150195378,0.08825347312733885,0.0,0.09084532798320663,0.199306844954354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780821430764353,0.07701281111244722,0.08984366559139402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325999956822038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671781561626153,0.0,0.045428328512377006,0.0,0.0494162786057594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860951979083976,0.07689051562322516,0.0,0.0,0.08584614836206697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815713803213758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457215522537926,0.0,0.18109225109901575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889451141098212,0.0,0.0,0.08495977006789378,0.0,0.0767793594510748,0.0,0.0,0.09727597015608122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26206201364567805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654883758677636,0.09415950069029856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6098466612216509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425571124374862,0.0,0.06914695526883888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915695921910082,0.0,0.09822992315776803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367333221567393,0.2008174709739912,0.17199359956023064,0.0,0.0,0.09267823715967094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095685671115882,0.05776640592914228,0.05571471413444221,0.1708579064543666,0.0,0.1014036988408432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861053601874948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599361758287828
ptsd,Consistentlyinconsi,2018/03/20,"My heart breaks every time My girlfriend suffers from almost nightly episodes of reliving past trauma. She’ll wake up kicking, punching and crying and be completely unresponsive. How do I support her correctly when she wakes up like this? It happens during the day too but she calls me and I talk her through it. It breaks my heart to see her in so much pain. How can I help her better? ",3.0048287671232887,5.764892821917813,3.3249143835616444,87.47723458904112,79.68493150684931,5.8417808219178085,26.93321917808219,7.1686216300943375,1.5122068493150684,308,13,56,4,8,95,56,73,0.131,0.733,0.136,0.1261,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,1,0,4,5,4,2,1,8,7,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,14,3,7,5,1,10,0,1,1,0,11,3,0,1,6,39,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22549653041188486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916338038824893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22994546692755544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361087645793471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473620384708436,0.14522974103422626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973335934557736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913589840282467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5337054838946726,0.15094096300465315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100170808027272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554149599163046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21132675419276445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396193909087019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497055034854395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794482884229841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25554438718609424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810002145932528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131084182729388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,slytherinlostinspace,2018/03/20,Not again I used to suffer from PTSD really bad.  But I got therapy for it and was able to learn how to control it. Well recently a friend was sexually assaulted and while trying to help her get better it seems to have triggered all those things I had stopped. And now I can tell my PTSD is coming back and seems to be worse. Has anyone had this happen? Before now I would get a few triggered moments maybe three times a year if that.  But in the last month it's become slightly more common. ,4.121632653061223,5.245231979591838,4.6802040816326524,86.4433673469388,71.04081632653063,7.6408163265306115,24.20408163265306,7.957251820313856,1.1404938775510205,386,10,79,5,7,123,73,98,0.147,0.7509999999999999,0.102,-0.6997,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,6,1,0,4,0,10,0,0,5,1,20,18,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,5,0,7,3,9,11,3,15,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,3,13,57,15,1,0.17941665494663367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545229678369904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796033292478405,0.1498054126417554,0.0,0.1981515993378766,0.15267035869853818,0.0,0.0,0.15867945116048515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455156160019176,0.0,0.0,0.20123103463047806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386168625495135,0.0,0.18747559412053846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349588898417195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865755543670587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025920186995695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462485202034499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18024814513137455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320866224366915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4194569368164405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493890338482927,0.0,0.17715230177327015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32666836849022496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500003572813872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681806453253636,0.0,0.2051785812480005,0.0,0.11919645325299118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461929432990112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181213149022364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495838403385567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613171198710666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284089938427284,0.12745244395877775,0.0,0.0,0.1155384433795346
ptsd,gizmoxc123,2018/03/20,"[advice] PTSD/Depression Ruined My Freshman Year of College New Years' Eve/Day going into 2017, during my senior year of high school, I was raped by a guy in my AP Biology class while my best friends slept in the other room, and assaulted. After it happened I told nobody, but pushed it down and began to skip school very frequently and stopped caring about classes. Most people blamed it on 'senioritis' and didn't ask questions.

This year, the first year of college, I bombed my first semester. Severe anxiety prevented me from going to class and depressive episodes kept me in bed for days. I only passed one class, with a D+, and scared myself towards the end of the semester by getting dangerously blackout drunk and crying for hours. I decided to seek out help and went to the campus health center. I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression, but after this meeting my symptoms became worse. Nightmares, episodes where I relive the event and I can physically feel the sensations, hypervigilance, extreme anxiety related to classes and classrooms, difficulty with trust around male identifying persons, and a variety of triggers like colognes, haircuts, or tone of voice. I also feel extremely guilty because I was a virgin, and I was planning on waiting for love. 

I am not a fan of the university I attend and so I am looking for a school to transfer to, but I do not have enough credits because I did so poorly this year. This means I will likely have to enter as a freshman again. I am in individual and group therapy and I am currently being evaluated for medication but I feel lost and cheated out of my first year and cheated out of the one thing which was supposed to be mine to give away.

I was wondering if anyone had tips for balancing PTSD/depression in college, any helpful resources or websites to connect with other survivors to facilitate my recovery, or just general feedback and thoughts on what might help. If you have any advice on how to explain why I'm transferring/doing so poorly/going to therapy sessions it would help. My parents and friends don't really know a lot because its painful to talk about. My boyfriend is really understanding. 

I'm overwhelmed and it seems like nothing is getting better or going my way. Any support or advice is highly appreciated.",8.15398867313916,8.692379415048546,8.088980582524275,67.64432847896444,61.8883495145631,10.847249190938511,39.4967637540453,10.595843684498618,4.531261812297736,1837,92,288,41,24,593,224,412,0.172,0.71,0.118,-0.9757,2,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,0,7,12,24,5,2,17,0,27,10,1,2,0,67,58,39,0,3,14,1,3,3,2,3,5,1,2,3,15,30,1,4,12,1,2,8,4,12,0,5,16,5,37,12,59,37,4,56,0,5,1,3,20,22,0,13,28,207,52,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323391116494813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337962349190587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168689568468952,0.0,0.12125862297965925,0.0,0.0,0.05541643918543922,0.0,0.0,0.070553116991907,0.07409205841363621,0.0,0.07446201013211658,0.0,0.0,0.14493803051328613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831724830462848,0.07009397500609567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080502610294928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705711114278318,0.10222491522638796,0.0,0.2730463999236877,0.08044143150728977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019577304733514,0.08189086294208593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022004424241015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022409643138756,0.0,0.0,0.12246332877900147,0.0,0.08281418616231231,0.0760279323939482,0.1801681474937419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847420300005767,0.07008430293889291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424359940410246,0.0,0.0,0.21248990788606675,0.16747300801590473,0.0,0.0,0.0780495066713864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355608263996736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615892184090935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665536391300487,0.0,0.0865154148284857,0.06737915938408638,0.07153008697044604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633115111489166,0.0,0.07984035468181859,0.0,0.08407627247965994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654428281430829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604662445075727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740950996287946,0.060276455468418026,0.08433214762969254,0.0,0.08800250495115333,0.0,0.0,0.0549449425303498,0.06920178513068337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779320557607273,0.0,0.08878293797120583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154464944469802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934736582158985,0.2406287043741494,0.0,0.07215012494931633,0.0,0.0895347837955417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626013146184385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993682399571774,0.0,0.08237554857317153,0.0,0.06370159259732054,0.0,0.0,0.18126836512987526,0.0,0.0526530256692178,0.0,0.0,0.062919049908661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573086617659068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250650627276106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539308572943674,0.0,0.06290836285781898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346951668635515,0.07151466546100993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594789187865558,0.0,0.0,0.08076688782198642,0.056299970512735574,0.0,0.0,0.3572601299211903
ptsd,Ultrathrowaway420,2018/03/21,"My family believes I may have PTSD My mother approached me recently with the idea that I may be suffering from PTSD and she thinks I could benefit from seeing a therapist. I am just hoping I can get some opinions and thoughts on here before I commit to seeing a counselor or therapist to talk about this with.

To make a long story short, about 3 years ago I was falsely accused of physically abusing my child. Child Protective Services intervened and I went about 7 months with only being able to see my son at specific times. During this time child protective services employees harassed me and treated me like an animal. 

My girlfriend and mother of my son stopped trusting me during this time as well. She would constantly ask me if I really did abuse our son. My attitude at home started changing drastically. I started being unable to sleep before 4 or 5am, and I couldn't wake up until 10 at the earliest. I started having nightmares of being in court and losing my child, and going to prison for a crime I didn't commit. I still have these nightmares today.

After my court case ended things returned to normal for a time, but it wasn't long before my girlfriend left me because I had become too volatile and was fighting about everything. I would become angry and very loud, and she just didn't trust me anymore. Some more time after that she moved 3 states away and took my son with her.

For the past 2 years now I've lived in my parents basement. I haven't made a single new friend. I built a PC and started gaming but even I know that this is just a distraction. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt happy or enjoyed anything. I feel like I'm just skating through life, waiting until I can die and stop having to worry about everything. I don't think I'll ever find anyone, I don't think I'll ever have a steady job. I feel worthless. I lie and tell my parents that I'm going out to meet up with friends or a date but in reality I go to the bar alone, order 1 or 2 beers, then I go pick up a 6 pack and get drunk alone in my parent's basement after everyone is asleep. I do this at least 3 nights a week, and I've been doing it for the last 2 years.

Honestly I'm scared to see a therapist and confirm that I have any mental illness because I don't want child protective services to have another reason to take my son away.

I don't expect many to make it all the way to the end of this post, but if you do can you please leave your thoughts? I don't know what to think or what I should be doing. I'm afraid that if I don't make a change soon then I will be stuck this way for the rest of my life.",5.477792965190454,5.3711850546139335,6.156989247311831,81.4286932750137,67.56873822975518,9.036170342020533,30.31170645768787,8.654491914285503,2.1937387886519657,2068,70,416,29,31,678,245,531,0.133,0.782,0.085,-0.9683,5,2,1,0,3,0,38.0,1,3,0,1,18,22,2,3,24,0,47,9,3,6,5,83,88,36,1,12,17,10,3,2,4,6,3,1,1,5,20,24,3,6,15,4,0,8,12,8,1,0,15,8,69,14,60,59,7,74,0,3,4,0,34,17,0,15,46,273,89,5,0.07171081648703287,0.1699311825952892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356731203267771,0.0,0.0,0.14854155805974678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048765814279860605,0.07519504366792656,0.0,0.0,0.07111786068393011,0.05014187024726613,0.0,0.059011891811275065,0.0,0.06703993316671929,0.0,0.13474934533059038,0.0,0.0,0.08742849626952133,0.15839792555442625,0.1830618692377828,0.08079353345537915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172107065668367,0.0,0.0,0.07749391688820023,0.0,0.05725525180265064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442450583572359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702899701902318,0.0,0.0,0.047364317968867434,0.12973307806849022,0.0,0.06852275825288733,0.12889811583681038,0.0,0.0676025756847449,0.0,0.07251828696958702,0.05123022162683492,0.06885362958529526,0.0,0.06554238711816923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080719786302007,0.0,0.07493188371934717,0.0,0.1630196383439809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633749760766073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193179587908016,0.07122502134145182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809527831432774,0.0,0.0,0.07116192020287401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788207786828097,0.11690777310422135,0.0,0.0759314004352686,0.07791401193617843,0.0,0.10130294085117264,0.07006856536462057,0.0,0.06332196476111182,0.1269236319664606,0.0,0.0802260607325256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785450845503516,0.14360258054613095,0.07270351246014095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226763645488729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723888955885316,0.07621724915877477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925875342155781,0.0,0.06729574344914706,0.07026137450929221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054539307351538856,0.0,0.0,0.23887912591763275,0.0,0.06845608858489191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871694214873119,0.0,0.0,0.06867913949401153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765221394414964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04593978530199401,0.07373066276829011,0.07080578002358302,0.0,0.08123437589158967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179503735660282,0.0,0.2285769452378246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176260518107991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030291400122749,0.0,0.057268350679182414,0.11990690716192892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391760947702237,0.05763843793482702,0.06267841439184844,0.0,0.0,0.24978535515642905,0.047641480038031536,0.1837975825961222,0.0,0.11386075622954467,0.2508909226601935,0.0,0.06797346910402131,0.0,0.07967335570022123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916893376605317,0.042296897527241036,0.11384141652730025,0.05752209145612783,0.0,0.06447663614468578,0.0664766453234066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282581506845015,0.0,0.1018826130970985,0.0,0.0,0.13853824405852955
ptsd,zamoblin,2018/03/21,"What do you do to distract yourself from/cope with sensory or otherwise flashbacks? I’ve had huge trouble distracting myself from or stopping flashbacks. Usually they involve the sensory attacks, which involves pretty much feeling everything that happened to me during the attack as if it were happening again. This can be really distressing and impossible to distract myself from. Does anyone have any techniques or tricks they use to distract themselves from or stop a flashback in its path? I’m really struggling to cope and any advice would be hugely helpful, especially from fellow sexual abuse survivors.
(Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I haven’t slept in 2 days and got a bad case of brain fog atm lol)
",8.426612903225807,9.887704403225808,7.679193548387103,67.61379032258068,61.41935483870968,10.393548387096775,38.88709677419355,10.411451182825502,4.6161161290322585,582,29,82,13,8,181,90,124,0.256,0.6729999999999999,0.07,-0.9746,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,1,2,0,1,11,3,6,4,1,11,2,2,2,0,16,19,10,0,3,6,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,11,0,0,4,1,7,0,14,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,6,5,54,14,0,0.0,0.21796983118902036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976961391957247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502066105593265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286334247355652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185761572386575,0.0,0.0,0.153604069164698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536708897306405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864296165683788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16099003665138473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533693298919708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930188240172702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471345532025918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253613562959992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330864710408633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279884818430645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352363036777843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871597337334976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23570688073144885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593506777609646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076079141369751,0.0,0.19232138608335106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588877058515026,0.2026127476713832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306842901856346,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sjhachman,2018/03/21,"Do I Belong Here? For close to two months now, I have been dealing with sexual trauma. My counselor and I have been calling it ""coercive, nonconsensual sex."" As a result, I have been diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder by a psychiatrist I saw at the hospital about two weeks back.
Acute Stress Disorder is the precursor to PTSD; it has the same symptoms, and the only real difference, described to me by my doctor, is that the symptoms haven't lasted at least 6 months.
I just need some support. My friends don't understand what I'm going through. The anxiety subreddit doesn't quite fit, nor does the depression subreddit.
I'm really tired of feeling so alienated all the time and I really think that this subreddit might be my best bet.
But do I belong here?",4.687978723404253,6.9519785957446825,5.646400709219861,75.50875,71.55319148936171,10.090070921985816,30.18971631205674,10.317481424215053,3.653571631205674,606,26,105,19,12,199,89,141,0.14400000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.1,-0.6827,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,7,7,0,2,10,0,16,6,0,1,1,19,25,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,4,0,2,4,2,13,3,14,19,5,12,0,1,1,1,3,4,0,3,7,77,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421074809970146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479912378946115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667655258825394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244753020155682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391723869762178,0.12858810711732147,0.15153192152280331,0.0,0.15598215710787952,0.3422114520638059,0.15281040322128556,0.1306496116580537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754883562208361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534543318189973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484814689199202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12169586444833255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583790701457508,0.0,0.0,0.23833269456659426,0.0,0.0,0.11070081772321144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135460539247781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745186018077816,0.0,0.0,0.15879427937510246,0.0,0.1699311116002654,0.1912852066701489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34203527886597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694189113789484,0.0,0.3103506471203588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566261123462133,0.0,0.0,0.08705548229643914,0.17159336409481668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29168027347620457,0.15542201573714806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975594879202694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BlueHorseradish,2018/03/21,"Disassociating / Trouble concentrating / doing anything I've been in therapy for about a year now - I see a therapist/psychiatrist and I go to a DBT class. For most of it, I've really had a hard time concentrating on anything or doing anything. I tend to veg out on my bed in front of the TV, but most of the time it's just background noise. I find that I can't even pay attention to what's on TV. I can mindlessly be on my phone at the same time, but I am not normally absorbing things.  Once I'm in bed, I have a hard time moving. Sometimes I just won't eat the rest of the day because I don't have the energy to get up. My therapist thinks it's possible I disassociate more than I realize, and that my time in front of the TV is just one long disassociation. This has also started impacting my productivity at work but it's only been getting worse (I have a menial job and I'm trying to switch, but I can't quit because I need the money). All this being said, I do go out on the weekends with friends and have fun and am present. I have a serious boyfriend and during our time together I am mostly present (we don't live together). It just seems to be a problem when I'm alone or when I have to do something I'm not into (like work). I've thought about moving to a new house, but because of what happened to me, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Plus, I'm in a housing contract where I can't break the lease and it expires in Sept.

I spend money on things that I think will get me going - tend to do this when I'm feeling good and at a high, but they don't last very long. I used to be really active and fit, but I can't get myself to go to the gym or exercise. When I'm at the gym, I'm just tired and discouraged (I gained a lot of weight and don't feel comfortable at a gym full of hotties - can't afford another gym in my area because they are hella expensive, and working out at home has never ever worked for me). I bought a ukulele because I thought getting back into music would be good, didn't do that. I bought yoga stuff, didn't do that. I paid for a coding class (I studied CS), didn't do that. I almost bought a keyboard piano the other day, but I stopped myself because I wanted to think about it. 

Recently, I'm feeling a bit more like me. I bought a real bra (haven't worn one in a year) and some blouses (I've been wearing loose, poorly fitted clothing that reflected my depression). But I still don't really have energy to do things yet. I am just so sick of doing nothing, but at the same time feel like I can't do anything. I know it will end, but right now it feels like I'm never going to be able to do anything - I'm feeling a little hopeless.

Has anyone been in a position like this or similar? How did it work out for you? What did you do? Do you have any advice for me? Anything you're willing to share, I would greatly appreciate. ",3.5145317725752534,4.028658070234116,5.2963528428093625,83.71794063545153,71.97658862876256,8.388026755852842,27.99347826086957,8.548686976883017,1.8401082274247489,2218,78,483,36,40,763,235,598,0.09,0.8079999999999999,0.102,0.8685,2,1,1,0,0,1,75.0,2,3,2,7,24,19,0,0,35,0,66,6,1,2,5,87,117,36,0,6,24,0,9,5,1,6,3,1,3,0,30,22,2,2,17,10,11,9,21,6,0,2,19,11,60,13,69,86,13,81,0,3,1,0,11,37,0,11,39,328,90,11,0.07129992312037232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967345967892799,0.0,0.0,0.07139657375249671,0.07384521742096878,0.0,0.05701852275940904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04848639270039753,0.07476418614653038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049854564051550455,0.0,0.3520425694853835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05482523979796578,0.0,0.2607826281133125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784104952926071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196510383433942,0.0,0.061410519306775886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295762139746155,0.0,0.0,0.06315056894626297,0.0,0.0,0.04709292677541579,0.06449486246001147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21630830071587406,0.10187335864718453,0.0,0.0,0.06516683802500248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055086143735693184,0.0,0.1862563351729588,0.0,0.20260694708340346,0.11960598542285672,0.0,0.07860841695105096,0.0,0.0,0.0630502865437331,0.0,0.12774145276741686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533228341409329,0.07151963633012234,0.0,0.0,0.1645410767399736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075417193835001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0391845730928781,0.05811895361707525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416770469192794,0.07146125412850356,0.06295913839043514,0.12619637656759186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061664492756125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156106907385614,0.0,0.05286798955571066,0.10998179242253113,0.06886191004759845,0.0,0.0,0.06985878625088715,0.06841419920355772,0.0,0.0,0.0759320911454373,0.09662934632575633,0.0542268044306293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037995030791288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822439716124766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583624471952974,0.0,0.08115492205067436,0.1370296694693559,0.0,0.07040007239455086,0.0,0.0,0.060889744768636726,0.0678225544055796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681680749477123,0.06490877217095142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05489016421713893,0.07051744710036169,0.0,0.050466452563289854,0.0,0.05694021070579471,0.059609928327849226,0.0,0.0,0.0816213536156748,0.0,0.0,0.06719933374102073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153767593806087,0.16556941236769335,0.1421055022292196,0.13705833531246436,0.0,0.11320834935775664,0.2910289098519757,0.08194877298446439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04840796754885987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158024109722341,0.0,0.05882990370632371,0.04205454197370463,0.0,0.0,0.08682409804948983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595359660480849,0.0,0.07266071298250444,0.10129883937996048,0.0,0.0,0.0918296256594307
ptsd,lexabro_,2018/03/21,"Opinions of people self diagnosing? I am diagnosed with PTSD, which took a long time with brain scans and in depth psychotherapy sessions to be concluded. I trusted my friend with the fact that I suffer from this illness and now she's suddenly talking publicly on twitter about how she has PTSD when before she had no full understanding about the disorder and has not sought professional help. I understand that she has generalized anxiety disorder and the symptoms of that disorder are similar to that of PTSD, but for me anyway, I feel like it is important to get a mental health's professional view in order to be sure before speaking about a disorder as complex as PTSD, especially when you're not even fully sure you have. It made me very frustrated but I calmly brought it up and she retaliated and got angry with me when all I meant to say is that she should seek a therapist specialised in trauma to give their professional viewpoint. Is it wrong of me to get upset by this? I feel like self diagnosis is a dangerous game to play but could use some second opinions ",9.117878787878787,8.48120543434344,8.997656565656566,65.81981818181818,60.31313131313132,12.76848484848485,38.9919191919192,11.979248473330829,4.825964040404039,868,38,148,24,10,283,118,198,0.19,0.698,0.111,-0.9504,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,10,14,2,1,8,0,15,6,1,4,4,35,28,15,0,2,5,0,2,2,1,1,5,2,0,2,12,10,0,0,7,2,0,2,3,6,0,1,6,6,21,8,29,18,3,17,0,1,2,0,18,7,0,3,9,108,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299145439412277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462710523727646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211061980496031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661720305792371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022191017145426,0.0,0.0,0.4973371874301578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165394645979929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970751136521434,0.15500476793461818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381597543805065,0.0,0.11335886199579948,0.1040696080642484,0.0,0.0,0.08676612415940743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531549123916934,0.0,0.0,0.07271584513414789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600151013367423,0.0,0.0,0.0960066514141078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265202845502618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932832088321012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521049769730836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072570777739066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862723813139464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263490103763991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20449344696609253,0.11275844001210547,0.0,0.08719689679735754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596054887130534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632590295482197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053188156047474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22587539869071,0.0,0.09369702842222677,0.0,0.08951226986827787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186123553195986,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Sessendoujii,2018/03/21,"I need tools  I am a 25 year old male, and have only been formally diagnosed with PTSD within the last year, but my trauma happened in 2013. My incident was not as serious as war, somehow I wish I could say that it was. I became suicidal at 13, when I remembered an early childhood event involving a priest when I was very young. I made various attempts to die, but was thwarted In my efforts by consecutive strokes of luck. One example, when I was 17 I tried to do it by drinking a bunch of isopropyl alcohol. Your liver can't beak it down, so I figured it was a sure shot. However, I had already gotten drunk off of JD before I drank it, and that alcohol neutralized the isopropyl. So I lived. 
Anyway, around 19 I got a job working for the state cleaning up highways for peanuts. I liked the work, despite the money, because I was into conservation, and a lot of other hippie philosophy. One of my co-workers captured my heart, and in a not so subtle way I drunkenly confessed my affections at a house party I had for all my co workers. It was bad, I was blacked out by then, but that's as far as it went. I apologized the following morning, but she said not to worry about it. I was mortified regardless, and so I was equally shocked when she asked of I would get an apartment with her the following week. My living situation was deteriorating, as my roommate at the time was using roids, and getting more unstable every day. It would mean I had to commute 45 minutes instead of 5, but I wouldn't be strangled in my sleep. After we started living together, during our transitions to our apartment, things were cool. It was myself, her, her best friend and her friends boyfriend. A little cramped, but it made rent feasible. There's more details but I'll condense the rest, I can't think about it all in depth or I'm going to melt down. Any readers with a respectful curiosity can pm me if they want. I ended up being strung along, gaslit, robbed, and psychologically and emotionally tortured until I confronted her about everything. She admitted through a nasty smirk that she thought it was fun to watch me writhe silently, and that I probably deserved it. Then she surmised that because I was of no further use to her, I would be useless to anyone else. And she told me to finish the job. I broke down, and almost jammed a knife into the nearest light socket. Then I dropped the knife... I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave and hurt my family, but if I'm living for them, is it genuine? Is it really living?
That day haunts me still, and I don't have tools that work anymore. Are there any sufferers out there reading that have any tips for someone in my position? I've been having more frequent flashbacks and nightmares about her, and that whole experience. Please help.
",4.749895697522813,6.209912881355933,5.564444444444443,79.41877444589309,69.90395480225989,8.609995654063452,32.259452411994786,9.057496981413335,2.8622267709691434,2184,99,404,42,39,713,279,531,0.116,0.7559999999999999,0.128,0.423,4,0,3,0,0,0,74.0,3,1,2,7,20,20,3,0,26,1,46,11,3,5,3,71,73,44,3,13,14,0,1,1,2,4,5,2,2,1,29,26,5,1,7,3,2,4,10,11,0,2,31,7,73,9,63,32,12,61,2,4,2,0,31,28,0,7,27,300,102,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676789560819066,0.09218460928331527,0.0,0.10159029790093922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878114984398911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129860181858608,0.06437036494235804,0.09432616222644134,0.0,0.0819527554520903,0.0860635022661186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686610232984847,0.11223762064474486,0.0,0.0783361242261653,0.0,0.09661109890038136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350227335415692,0.0,0.0,0.118741932827997,0.0,0.0,0.09343877698967136,0.09554355626695807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018357368006756,0.0,0.0,0.07690416472200412,0.10355490385362308,0.08153767356555731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077564366810147,0.0,0.08273742798066262,0.09005216647752823,0.08678580289110117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225037338074906,0.0,0.09619491010301312,0.0,0.05231971584439162,0.0,0.07362864593515725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140819264498464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909132707125688,0.06170575517953927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062246692881396,0.09855193873518064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827103277507968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504103837977028,0.0,0.09747805441838413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04497577674372857,0.09226812218704593,0.40645252764202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078265964807832,0.0,0.17421845059610944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028012959410053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826118824248414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660129241160352,0.0,0.12476422982455095,0.0700156396362858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105403464755247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925605382035224,0.0,0.10761300029058647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208473026411754,0.0,0.05897587646173135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042858273179673,0.0,0.08756996799522347,0.07320966194222613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347909210389702,0.09212630206932357,0.0,0.07800198468170927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06516041270536672,0.0,0.07351908922996148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006984985086262,0.0,0.08676528857658906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061160452159427774,0.058988213886380925,0.0,0.07308521196921516,0.05368081995054196,0.0,0.0,0.0879671008250001,0.0,0.06250257316493428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590202489211572,0.0,0.07595899077934205,0.054299265590446816,0.0730727981553186,0.07384483269210575,0.0,0.0,0.08534037319528763,0.0,0.10278149867134874,0.10586424691502937,0.0,0.0,0.2680825744725469,0.09349121343227927,0.0,0.1961899592296979,0.0,0.0,0.11856700843087298
ptsd,corilee93,2018/03/21,"How do you guys handle the voluntary self-identification form for disability on job applications? Or, for that matter, how do you handle your disability at work?

I know PTSD qualifies as a disability according to these forms. I'm currently in a temp role looking for something full time, and since I'm young (a couple years out of college) I don't really know the best way to handle this. I still have some struggles, though nowhere near what they were at my worst. I don't know whether to tell the truth, or choose not to disclose this information (which I feel is another admittance that I have a disability).

What do you guys do?",6.022372881355934,7.257389330508477,6.5625000000000036,74.28408898305086,66.71186440677965,10.645762711864409,31.69915254237288,10.686352973137794,3.4803525423728807,503,20,94,14,8,164,77,118,0.058,0.868,0.07400000000000001,0.2032,2,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,1,2,4,4,0,1,7,0,10,0,0,2,1,17,17,8,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,2,12,2,15,16,6,13,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,3,5,67,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260000459552889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261834848201549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23847778636024125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089775029595206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268134857332518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387842139090268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553458858913747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809893545864248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519408607780685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807284473797335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22484285388684785,0.0,0.0,0.17828710376280865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592409113173293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212105019096274,0.0,0.0,0.22531680702807236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838109324756488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175530224247596,0.0,0.12567619106513392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710762047057567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690705209833816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879305512945406
ptsd,gearnut,2018/03/21,"Horrible Nightmare Last Night, bit worried (Trigger Warning for abuse and gratuitous violence) So I woke up about 30 seconds before my alarm went off this morning having had a nightmare which started with my mother's ex boyfriend who violently abused me for 7.5 years of my life attacking me in my living room (a house he has never been to, in a city I had never visited before I last saw him at 14 years old, I am now 25), as with many of the occasions when he attacked me as a child he was completely naked. Things get a bit jumbled, for some reason after this I left the house and when I came back I was ambushed by him as I walked into my dining room, he ended up lifting me up by my neck, after forcing him to drop me I then remember starting to slam his head against the wall repeatedly until he passed out and there was blood everywhere.

It took me an hour to get out of bed after this as I felt so afraid of what was going on, I've been sat at work all morning and I can't concentrate as it's like I've got the last bit of the nightmare playing in a loop in my mind.

This is an incident which never has, and never could have, taken place. It feels like a worrying change in my condition (which has been deteriorating steadily over the last 6 months partly due to additional stress associated with finishing my MSc which is now complete). Does anyone have some advice on how to deal with this?

I'm somewhat reluctant to go back into counselling, but am getting the feeling that this is the logical progression...",8.21091083413231,6.525903993288593,8.39196548418025,72.80852348993291,62.758389261744966,11.4673058485139,37.0575263662512,10.290406445055957,3.634273441994248,1202,47,230,22,14,396,170,298,0.092,0.885,0.023,-0.9332,0,0,0,0,2,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,3,3,17,0,22,5,3,3,5,34,41,18,0,1,1,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,17,15,1,0,6,1,0,8,5,6,0,1,18,4,30,3,50,22,8,63,0,0,1,0,15,23,0,3,33,163,47,1,0.0,0.2399980993375743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896866328701416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081662925418106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304389594131221,0.0,0.15575459356256752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236193305728373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317112996657665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583619104104036,0.0,0.0,0.10713974925304652,0.0,0.212378201975622,0.0,0.0,0.08086303761244648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441419831560413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862993240361104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970312976027364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024194075160879,0.07235373538454924,0.09724371937268173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874228671076746,0.0,0.11511837544976505,0.0,0.08100206556769585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394146946979804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973941051902853,0.2337247281217793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33022359892150044,0.0,0.0,0.11003992610927828,0.0,0.07153635045161551,0.09895960384663216,0.0,0.08943120948661598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268100615268236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226291513698578,0.0,0.0808399288024428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124504232207589,0.0,0.0,0.09504347745151304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062752699369217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967528371677984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581499527778043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413167646477514,0.0,0.0,0.11472935995089142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433715901016716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160147483824246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728526503571526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252469172441144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388664448921402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373231572839861,0.20570747442820705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130440706454676
ptsd,Levelbeveled,2018/03/21,"What is PTSD really? I guess to find the source of my PTSD, I would first need to define it. ""Post Traumatic Stress Disorder"" Basically a degree of ongoing stress that recurs and stems from a traumatic event.

 I was a Combat Marine for a long time, almost 15 years. I've survived being shot (3 times), a Helicopter crash, seen buddies blown up, shot and burned alive. I've killed. Taken the life of my fellow man, but in combat its not ""murder"", right? Killed a kid, literally had to kill a (about) 10 year old kid. I lost my best friend to a roadside bomb, an explosive designed to destroy an armored vehicle, and it got Jimmy. There wasn't even a mess, he was just *gone*. 

So what traumatic event are we talking about? Does it all add up to one big thing or is it a string of individual events? When you sign up to be a Marine, they train you to filter that mental shit out. To fight through it. I saw action in Kosovo, Liberia, Somalia, Iraq and Afghanistan. But the hardest battles are the ones I am still fighting inside myself. 22 veterans a day commit suicide. I've almost joined that statistic at least once a week. Its not that I'm afraid to die, hell I welcome death. I'm just afraid of what it would do to my wife, my Dad, those I would be leaving behind. So I push through another day, living in misery. Most days I'm just lucky enough that sometimes the physical pain drowns out the worst war I've ever fought. The war in my own mind.",2.4510234262531085,4.646462996466436,3.4666823714173525,88.87686166732105,78.04593639575971,6.4540766915325225,22.495615757099856,7.526774132740827,0.9067969899227846,1120,34,227,16,27,359,175,283,0.319,0.593,0.08800000000000001,-0.9982,0,0,0,0,3,2,52.0,1,2,1,4,13,25,13,4,22,0,16,3,1,0,3,31,28,10,10,4,8,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,3,18,8,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,21,0,3,11,2,20,4,33,11,7,34,1,1,2,0,17,12,2,6,18,138,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24188616210244746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664768839180324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675048530982289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336780833239585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534990557917672,0.0,0.13842360873760515,0.0,0.10569483058972856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479736374557147,0.0,0.07977362722870555,0.1092518445623019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110390145617236,0.10273486068721838,0.0,0.0,0.0933138328138936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659828644128443,0.0,0.1330520802342642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008733958730872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788790154770446,0.0,0.0,0.08531003281779434,0.0,0.0,0.1066503863850096,0.1068859316169306,0.0,0.0,0.13184493734771385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217171858157265,0.0,0.12195272181630508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955636397927243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673761952912144,0.12862607504986034,0.16368643830326712,0.0,0.12851775308108504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567323899786228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28236921363543466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737434982293842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314491227926792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397827591129015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945387393167704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645455175954948,0.0,0.27670469430913736,0.0,0.0,0.13211301497667224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707787336619217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024043905109826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085483051127073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688191613469094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573945729664029,0.0,0.0,0.15555589400595968
ptsd,catscratchfleaver,2018/03/21,"Sense of Doom I am in between providers for my PTSD/bipolar/anxiety...(i have a long list), in the interim I have had a few struggles, I have made it through somehow.  This one though is beyond my regular run of the mill depressive episode or panic. I have been anxious for a couple of days, post a pretty bad depressive episode. The anxiety escalated yesterday- I was in bed for the most part & I had two vivid nightmares, the kind you can't shake. I shared them with my bf to get it off my chest (and part of one was kinda funny.) But it escalated last night. I was chill for a bit, but as it got later and later my anxiety turned a sense of doom. And not with me or anyone I know, but in the world--the universe. It is like something is not right in the air. Not one particular current event item has me worried, in fact, I have on purpose for self-care have tried to limit my news exposure to a minimum. I have had this happen before, the last time it was around the Eclipse last summer (fall?).  I have had these kind of feelings in the past --usually it is ""I shouldn't go out tonight"" ; not frequently. Anyway, I am not one to think I am psychic, though I do go with my gut on a lot of things, especially with people. As all of us with PTSD know very well, we can be hyper aware of people.   
So then I told myself ""OK, the logical answer is anxiety, you are freaking out because you're having a birthday (trigger for me) soon, money...""   I shared this feeling with my bf, because he has PTSD as well and he often  ""gets"" what I am talking about or calm me down/soothe me, or point out if I am being silly.  He said he had not felt that way before, suggeted I go rest and so ..TRIGGER AHEAD IF YOUI'RE A HYPOCONDRIAC LIKE ME:

i decide to look up ""feelings of doom"" in hopes of maybe getting sucked into some rabbit hole of ludicrous conspiracy, a stupid ""are you psychic"" test or new age b.s., something I could even laugh at down the road.  No, I ended up reading that this sense of doom can be indicative of various health ailments; one of which I am prone to.. So on top of my ""doom"" to my gloom..I am now f'n worried about my heart. I do happen to have a physical in 48 hours. Thing is I do have hypertension. But I know if I take my blood pressure now it will be high by default. I have been down that road..

 but anyway, I guess I just want to know if anyone else has had their anxiety manifest this way...is this the proverbial ""doom & gloom""..  I haven't had anything that happen, said, or read anything related to my traumas in quiet sometime.   I don't know if this makes a lick of sense, I have not had quality sleep. I am totally open to hearing any replies.  PS. As far as why i am in between providers, I had to leave a great practice when I got Medicare, and I had to literally pick a pdoc at random and it was a bad scene, I hope to get a few good names from my primary care this week",3.3895351860880893,4.353809412969284,4.611496830814238,86.85114903299204,72.61774744027305,7.833512107914839,27.77490654965057,8.192908349453996,1.6673773443848527,2220,81,479,33,42,733,270,586,0.132,0.769,0.099,-0.9358,1,0,2,0,0,0,113.0,2,3,2,3,21,36,2,4,30,1,65,6,5,5,3,81,102,35,0,10,24,0,4,2,2,2,1,4,1,0,26,20,0,1,13,2,1,6,12,19,2,6,24,11,69,17,83,71,13,72,6,9,2,0,21,36,1,21,30,340,95,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391042728132615,0.0,0.05143735775724719,0.0,0.2314556097428928,0.08545094553841114,0.0,0.10577759672891364,0.07750146172007312,0.12448949477634755,0.06733506579306438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263114102530094,0.09221810211114913,0.0,0.1287270464463185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257858936994819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711936737928249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060391873158374965,0.08369351181088794,0.0,0.048781128927647764,0.0,0.1302961377704252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318697843349609,0.0,0.06699402093148499,0.0,0.0,0.04995908310504293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147365975288712,0.0,0.0726256462680753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807377226092015,0.0,0.12896277211994653,0.06344270546294048,0.120991410012965,0.0833926600897433,0.08332528135727728,0.0,0.20066290550959204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040110133150437,0.08525105465070709,0.08963300434834162,0.0,0.07991713544425601,0.0,0.1502539005288725,0.07448953201368642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753350495079307,0.20784706723777865,0.1849685185790597,0.0,0.08009115949101854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739071400205347,0.0,0.0,0.06693845229202096,0.06351801111924997,0.0,0.0,0.06430587794908134,0.0,0.07157179016459507,0.05048985933756023,0.0,0.07598990251934014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305296405225574,0.0,0.07098241426808788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25627593537011656,0.0,0.0,0.08874649012273013,0.0,0.16382010912271405,0.07220632673116427,0.10487761499471758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150364285225316,0.0,0.07244159706510397,0.07695242072365932,0.0,0.0,0.2652550880607715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131965573740302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459559911509273,0.1439007028848965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890834754288857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569398462430102,0.0,0.0,0.11646174759327373,0.07480925993076236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907468086654229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056871384371213016,0.060796051422583985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050285795445077,0.048466646925335366,0.14863057192653886,0.0,0.044105918382555016,0.0,0.0,0.07227664877161162,0.0,0.05135415951641836,0.08227390196832997,0.07388866270326218,0.0,0.09098483538853472,0.0,0.08330606745244774,0.062410392591275725,0.04461405355900765,0.1200780045607653,0.06067333112072861,0.0,0.1360177349372269,0.0,0.06825275635289738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363088093398286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Kimby1007,2018/03/21,"First post. Advice/help? I’ve only been diagnosed with PTSD for about a year. I think I am beginning to have a lot of memories/feelings resurface. There is a part of me that knows they are real, but a lot of my brain is still trying to stay in denial. I wasn’t sure if anyone knew of places I could look to for help? Every time it happens I just panic and freeze. In very general terms my memories are around (childhood abuse, sexual assault, rape)

I am new to reddit, so I am not sure if this is the correct way to post. Please let me know if something is wrong. ",2.1770434782608703,3.9186937043478274,3.5680434782608725,89.9642391304348,77.17391304347827,6.686956521739131,21.93478260869565,7.554174236665415,0.7663217391304347,436,12,93,6,10,143,81,115,0.16,0.73,0.11,-0.8823,0,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,2,1,5,0,14,3,1,0,3,21,21,6,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,3,2,12,2,16,16,4,16,0,0,1,1,2,4,0,5,8,64,15,0,0.0,0.19105962587333145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275254869317168,0.0,0.0,0.14355025108100478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800127979723153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874820055540612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366941933283358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586345290177498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815348693852277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716257312653074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259638287659648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617031911377768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17724196649708662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489314402331126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541275020590476,0.0,0.0,0.27418477480795433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574012156074973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264093615817062,0.0,0.18919682916516906,0.0,0.1746223718630823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16847611264724607,0.17700847233727404,0.0,0.0,0.3088735215426423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884973009885528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835423591458451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414121016622692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187531236110765,0.1287776556137574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039599801514059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033250543864906,0.0,0.0,0.09402850629762396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948088348634456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330514408952208,0.0,0.1279959223399122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176305938911748,0.0,0.10384229142927068
ptsd,Djarum_Neko,2018/03/21,"Dept of Rehab Psych Evals Hey y'all. Long-time lurker, infrequent poster. I've recently begun the process to get employment assistance through the Dept of Rehab, and I had to complete a psych eval to qualify for services. I'm struggling to understand my results surrounding learning disabilities, and the case worker they assigned me isn't very helpful. Any tips on how to understand the results and then apply it to real life? Thanks in advance!",5.85500904159132,8.595081481012663,5.839276672694397,73.29898734177216,69.63291139240506,9.071247739602173,36.602169981916816,9.606745405546679,4.264756238698012,363,20,54,9,7,114,61,79,0.073,0.89,0.037000000000000005,-0.41,1,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,3,0,10,7,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,12,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,30,6,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012836292267832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931410572731884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607237254885325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18740089365105936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974801670772124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474251965064557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182305717803127,0.0,0.0,0.27605787456125297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922844461168047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574056253132897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5821186770275224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306880891654872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LaniusExcubitor,2018/03/22,"I feel alien and detached. I don't feel human. I don't feel like I can connect with anyone, if that makes sense? Like I'm something else that doesn't belong.
I'm largely numb, except for when I feel a deep, crushing emotional suffering on my bad days. I don't know how to describe it. It's like a weight pressing down on my sternum & suffocating me.

I feel alien and detached. I don't feel human. I feel like everyone else's trauma or situations are 100% valid but like I'm just moping my way through life. I doubt myself & my experiences like maybe I'm just not trying hard enough and if I try even harder it'll flip the switch and everything will stop being like this.

I hang out with friends & I care for them. I love my fiance. But at the end of the day I just...I don't feel right. Like I don't belong anymore. I don't know how to express it.

The most emotion I can muster is when I get these bouts of consuming rage towards my abuser(s), myself, & those who enabled the abuse. I feel like I want to peel my skin off and tear everything apart, but instead I just slam my head into the mattress and scream into it while I get full-body shakes or I find myself starting to fight something that isn't there. It wears off usually after an hour and I feel empty again, and/or ashamed if my partner was there to witness it.

I'm in therapy (EMDR), and have been in various forms of therapy for years, I take my medications, do normal ""human"" stuff (bathing, brushing my teeth, going to work). I just don't know what to do at this point. I feel like I've tried everything.

Idk I guess I just wanted to vent. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it.",2.2541592920353963,4.094264430678468,3.4016607669616548,90.8008982300885,77.25958702064895,6.289911504424777,23.394395280235987,7.1686216300943375,0.7576048377581115,1298,41,278,15,30,419,173,339,0.196,0.727,0.077,-0.9872,0,0,2,0,3,0,58.0,0,1,1,2,14,24,2,3,10,0,22,9,4,3,0,53,54,21,0,6,15,0,15,10,2,2,3,1,2,4,19,13,1,1,15,2,0,3,11,10,0,0,2,17,47,14,34,49,4,35,0,1,0,1,12,17,0,8,24,167,66,2,0.0,0.0962243077630359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519776749805692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054162643235685,0.11357225156204855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780959155829762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020950622359583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828022233739387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475153184373988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13568633873363778,0.1827077351740831,0.07193074936163663,0.0839148980284496,0.0,0.05364052247052314,0.0,0.0,0.07760264923950129,0.21896743927033427,0.07944204848031937,0.0,0.0,0.451701920916512,0.2320747746141211,0.0,0.0,0.07422735172276249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274508154824339,0.0,0.08486104233672723,0.0,0.04615530714215391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894654455048741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275103435665997,0.0,0.08334812629941665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997859783370549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389787707462952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736325263491743,0.3967664495231116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329804252198563,0.0,0.05421041112054702,0.0,0.08158952927641054,0.0,0.0,0.08181370889226337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957164802104404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767726812174699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123513172517237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935559002443502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128698812225244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504370777979326,0.0,0.0,0.057483088609857125,0.0,0.0,0.06789783347263703,0.0,0.0,0.0929696315876826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212436985201106,0.0,0.0,0.07477016114090053,0.185748639459505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04735604336669039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541520237891694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944481574488454,0.0,0.09580324512366832,0.06446322171600406,0.0,0.09889574297679536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912414356874855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052298608686345865
ptsd,RacyJellyfish,2018/03/22,"Having a crap day Not sure why but I’m really off today. I can’t stop feeling like a screw up even though I’ve really done nothing wrong today. I feel like it might have been triggered by seeing an old family friend who asked how my abuser was or because I am having an injury flare up after doing really well. I just feel useless and unlovable. I have convinced myself even my husband doesn’t like me. I am trying to just sit with the feelings and know they will pass but it really sucks. I guess I just wanted to see how others dealt with days where you just hate yourself.

Thanks ",3.708717948717952,5.1913797008547045,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,72.5042735042735,6.90940170940171,21.547008547008552,7.3871296695380915,0.746634188034188,463,10,89,5,9,150,83,117,0.229,0.568,0.203,-0.5796,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,11,15,4,0,5,0,14,2,1,3,1,25,28,8,0,1,8,1,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,3,6,14,8,9,23,0,13,0,1,2,1,6,4,3,3,10,63,18,0,0.0,0.18231266428047227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384915872583606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379868865441314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198468882778798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15746405221632467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326145840571694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505643398788162,0.0,0.3112083822300846,0.21985177891008836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888080313060015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950689602465158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191633182439926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456379778482664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255216489199292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323343316343006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476439335793608,0.0,0.16146234210024973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3942963040433329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24523145924693074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864353308471893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502214573784875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166428008863582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117804879416702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917045374127593,0.0,0.0,0.1044687042850609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075744617578156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834903211820676,0.0,0.1388451702299117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682344205613643,0.0,0.0
ptsd,leinster13,2018/03/22,"Dream trigger Hello guys, I had a difficult night with a dream with a lot of triggers and where I was facing my agressor but I was having failed. I have told my mom about my sexual abuse as a child and since that day I really can't be in touch with her cause it seems to me she is protecting my agressor (in fact she is, cause she can't accept). I feel really bad about it, I already said to her that I won't go to her house anymore and well our relationship is a mess. She helps me with the money as I am finishing my degree, but I feel just a shit about all this situation. I am living in a difficult moment right now cause I don't know what to do next after my degree and the university activities (I am a intern at hospital) make me feel even more anxious. I am staying at home as much as possible and I live with my boyfriend that is very supportive to me besides I can't really talk about this subject with him. Someone already passed by this situation? Cause I am passing by this and it is making me feel like shit. Thanks for reading. Have a lovely day!!",2.9359390178089555,4.305491509174317,4.6753966540744765,84.38242039935241,74.27522935779818,8.065191581219645,25.208850512682144,8.671277953709913,1.6706537506745818,831,27,175,16,17,282,113,218,0.159,0.735,0.106,-0.9471,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,9,13,2,0,11,0,23,4,3,8,2,33,37,12,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,11,12,0,1,7,3,1,3,5,7,1,0,5,6,38,6,29,30,4,19,0,1,0,1,19,7,2,2,9,129,49,2,0.0,0.1373804368175026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25590489645275016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098920618617935,0.11499011090334706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968124533733871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764456676374252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955484260208599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658312727244539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23450890622861004,0.08283388743446732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658964081326538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480759902814995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771807552506822,0.0,0.11630615862270136,0.0,0.0,0.13378941472056494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372246011804238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056646755292069376,0.0,0.2047699320669638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857557283399633,0.1046483714316363,0.0,0.15479352635380664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579790131000946,0.0,0.0,0.08523575199141732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331292606023594,0.1088101487885332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071491593504547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598023556391485,0.0,0.2228394227251796,0.0,0.0,0.12448568101093985,0.0,0.09901969133159806,0.11029391612789596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555548573084507,0.0,0.0,0.23803967333495285,0.09591409364924874,0.260662749268575,0.0,0.0,0.09824309124748257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358605530803317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315773901795227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319530012126877,0.0,0.10675013036984296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079410284740472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566995112563413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425194838049298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MeesterBacon,2018/03/23,I hate my life Nothing else to say. I just hate it. I fight every day and I’m met with more uphill battles and criticism from every human being around me. I just want to be good enough for one person for one moment. I came into this world an accident and I’ll inevitably leave as one. ,0.5864891041162217,2.912684355932204,2.4971428571428578,92.1715254237288,86.79661016949154,4.727360774818402,16.90314769975787,6.18269132825596,-0.2601496368038738,223,5,46,2,7,74,44,59,0.298,0.639,0.062,-0.9421,0,0,0,0,1,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,2,1,7,1,9,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983639339361156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548555765707924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370546047539087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861439870590548,0.0,0.0,0.23024062464141398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754839687536631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868973392534416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399925290633975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359424065756197,0.0,0.0,0.15738982503022225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21380922958152174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529815374598791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456459075364102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720156527845818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142957638147673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,IronMyr,2018/03/23,"I'm afraid that if people knew what really happened, they'd call my PTSD fraudulent When people ask, I admit that I was raped. If they push me, I tell them that I was 8-ish years old. It sounds like a pretty open-and-shut reason for me to have PTSD, right? Well, that's not really the whole story.

What I leave out was that my rapist would have been 10ish years old. If one kid fucks another kid, is that really rape?

It doesn't help my case that he didn't force himself on me. He just told me that sleeping with him would make me good at sex, and nobody wants to be with someone that's not good at sex. Is it really rape if I believed what he was saying and climbed into his bed?

He didn't even penetrate me. He just rubbed his dick on me for a couple of minutes before we were interrupted. That's not even really sex, is it?

If it was really rape, then surely my Dad would have said something when he walked in on us. Sure I was scared, but I still went along with my rapist's lies. Nobody says ""just go to bed"" after walking in on their kid being raped, right?

Surely if I had been raped, I would have said something. I wouldn't have lived with him, share a room with him for years. I wouldn't have waited until I was in my twenties and my rapist had disappeared into the desert. I kept it secret for over a decade. What kind of rape victim wouldn't tell their parents or their friends?

It certainly doesn't help my case that I came to terms with it at the same time I was dealing with being delusional. I certainly believed that my rapist and I had a psychic link, and that if I thought about him too much or talked about him, he would come back and victimize me again. Surely it makes sense that I would also buy into a delusional belief that I was raped by him in the first place?

If I was raped, I shouldn't live in fear of the day that my rapist returns and defends himself. I shouldn't have to wonder if my parents would side with my rapist over me. I shouldn't be terrified of people thinking that I'm a fraud. So, why am I?

The thing that really scares me is, what if they're right?",3.881793103448274,4.547208590697675,4.2978748997594245,90.65848837209306,71.23255813953489,7.605453087409782,22.502004811547714,7.6298220110432995,0.6338468323977544,1634,33,365,18,29,514,180,430,0.231,0.6809999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9978,2,0,2,0,0,0,51.0,2,0,6,2,17,35,18,4,13,0,50,21,2,3,6,76,72,26,0,24,19,3,1,1,1,13,0,5,3,3,33,23,0,2,9,0,1,9,13,22,1,2,26,6,66,13,45,28,4,51,1,0,0,20,48,24,2,13,19,249,99,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449861758774658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457228314860926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540018508504395,0.0,0.0,0.0620176041881403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863023360627456,0.1817378713985491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235629572259552,0.09224617884234966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947589477915635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924162288312969,0.0,0.052014869699948896,0.0831502721639843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654182283858156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907576707004282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860387139789824,0.0,0.0,0.062312735357666085,0.07456291056875312,0.0,0.0,0.0458372731110324,0.13529674817331908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132167098999448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812075360268744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398826465809386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540046769360482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394032522675502,0.0,0.14243713074901054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107673746481233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928964193298403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692646740023923,0.0,0.05465293517614342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791124528953092,0.0,0.0,0.16774505628445366,0.0,0.08426579716470667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205365937663217,0.0,0.0,0.188559375944928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36168112133202,0.08292528581952474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066330819943797,0.15343999769645922,0.12827788586592218,0.1614965543421173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080711800523162,0.0,0.06833749414258977,0.12418209170758066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644100320026746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040600786801845,0.0,0.0,0.06482627119408049,0.1409895214015091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05358263713747664,0.05167954042953533,0.0,0.06402991238282335,0.04702973563953157,0.0,0.0,0.07706792669313553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701629424003858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047571555510743366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251723069115121,0.07476665211990344,0.0727772871682391,0.09004681216870263,0.0,0.0,0.08746533831117426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010577923575484,0.0,0.0,0.15581473235351828
ptsd,f64Club,2018/03/23,Thoughts/experiences with tms? Looking for some major first-hand advice. Thanks in advance. ,6.13547619047619,9.35826635714286,3.93,75.19833333333334,99.71428571428572,4.723809523809524,33.23809523809524,6.42735559955562,2.8909809523809527,75,4,9,1,3,21,14,14,0.0,0.7909999999999999,0.209,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4774973007198556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779876347455907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.415640370961502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4103379256131269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44987778080948654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,erleichda29,2018/03/23,"Illness or injury? I have a big problem with being told I have a disorder because I experienced trauma. I see my symptoms as injuries that can be healed, not some illness that I now have forever. I think calling it a disorder impacts a person's self-esteem negatively and takes the focus off of the trauma. Am I the only one who feels this way?",3.344825870646765,5.507787686567166,5.496343283582089,75.54560945273633,75.11940298507463,7.451741293532338,30.56965174129353,8.344100000000001,2.7075890547263683,273,13,46,5,6,95,50,67,0.28800000000000003,0.6779999999999999,0.033,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,0,7,4,0,0,0,8,12,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,3,8,0,4,9,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,1,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759425074192646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2639826120391481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5925833817450107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071785044579548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518301979002468,0.19661967538713715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257337864820949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473732126422476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601070565473736,0.0,0.2696976325389289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687061389795989,0.194378392169358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16565218180191288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24703141896307626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520486462116835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ginabemeh,2018/03/23,"Her voice is winning I’ve been having auditory hallucinations of my mom’s voice screaming at me. I’ve been disassociating. I’ve spent the last two days either crying, sleeping or curled up in a ball. I asked my husband if I should call the dr or go to the hospital. He said it’s not a medical emergency and I don’t need all of that. I don’t have insurance so I know cost is probably an issue. He said while it’s not convenient it’s ok that I’ve been alone for the last two days. Now her voice is telling me “I told you no one cares when you’re sick. The world doesn’t stop for you.” Yes, I’m under psychiatric care. I just took my nighttime meds. I hope it stops her voice for awhile but I bet I’m looking for another night of nightmares. Maybe even sleepwalking. I think my husband is mad at me. He’s sleeping on the couch I guess to keep guard in case I sleepwalk outside again. I don’t even know anymore. I’m miserable. I’ve thought about cutting myself again but that would really make him angry. ",0.8578623188405814,3.2087977874396145,2.6520108695652205,91.4110597826087,85.61835748792271,6.155314009661836,22.15157004830918,7.492282038375204,0.897293236714976,790,28,173,14,24,261,122,207,0.146,0.795,0.06,-0.9427,0,2,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,2,0,1,9,9,2,1,9,2,15,5,2,1,1,26,37,9,0,5,9,3,0,0,0,2,3,7,1,0,7,1,0,4,4,1,3,2,7,4,0,3,9,8,27,5,17,26,2,22,0,1,1,0,18,8,0,6,12,98,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639404153967658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821584599068938,0.0,0.0,0.14017937050301527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214142747685914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433225152187015,0.0,0.28822769201357257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552642912712185,0.1823157098201192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867182227735588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033140361269372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571090860920028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403905933009119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753073160430707,0.0,0.1256367186990756,0.0,0.0,0.1553624790180226,0.230435194240343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869683562207273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435097901791364,0.0,0.14200320207352787,0.0,0.15700591552409085,0.14239337742535355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655452296873437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480785255214377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264565136680845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578115573363953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523971984893849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055123597288328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689088933241613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829004338206504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363467433254886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354450188856415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057017878675508,0.0,0.11221463201902386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506420222213608,0.15704298105304926,0.0,0.0,0.2761531822763863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040966103175168,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FranScan1997,2018/03/24,"My boyfriend has undiagnosed PTSD I (F, 21) have been with my boyfriend (M, 20) for nearly six months. We have a great relationship and we love each other very much, however I’m incredibly worried about him at the moment. 
He has been suffering (undiagnosed) PTSD flashbacks for just under a year after his schizophrenic ex girlfriend attacked him when she was having an episode. She smashed a mug on the back of his head and strangled him until he nearly blacked out. She only stopped because her flat mates came in and stopped her. His flashbacks have been getting more frequent and more severe- whilst having them he doesn’t know where he is, or sometimes who he is. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.
As he’s not been officially diagnosed, he hasn’t told his university about what he’s been going through, and because he’s missed so much, he actually found out last night that he’s been kicked out. This triggered him going out on a bender and having an hours-long attack which I had to coach him through over the phone (we live about an hour away from each other). 
What can I do? How can I help him? I’m honestly so worried because I have my own mental health issues and I don’t want to hurt myself too much by using up all my emotional and mental energy on him. Breaking up isn’t a choice as I love him too much. ",7.1015476190476186,6.938173678571433,6.835555555555558,78.11500000000002,64.19841269841271,9.739682539682539,33.87301587301587,9.23628265651192,2.8396396825396826,1045,40,199,16,14,329,144,252,0.127,0.785,0.08800000000000001,-0.8567,1,0,0,0,0,2,30.0,3,0,1,0,12,10,2,0,11,0,26,6,1,3,1,31,40,16,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,9,19,0,2,2,1,0,3,5,6,0,1,11,1,33,4,33,29,10,35,0,4,1,2,42,17,0,1,14,142,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.12211507926931404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28472144990888604,0.11756977090108793,0.0962221705523337,0.0,0.22884597141639876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312270958488651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701081607234854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076161172567725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720560815583838,0.0,0.0,0.0653786063335378,0.0,0.14223580445202352,0.0,0.0,0.13796332730301406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842605247164596,0.13301414592823885,0.0,0.0,0.08387629391360893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323415124056628,0.0,0.13396110873380793,0.0,0.0,0.13060989443372767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877169509987623,0.10200287108407473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049773743547232,0.11074177982550196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258809807236985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522161258956517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988268389069964,0.0,0.36795862160398346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743203828595468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517187418896902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925555198226133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13434966702361856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14136851798444808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12376310339563593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923927414860166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957319673112655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080776752340026,0.0,0.10325063873623556,0.07380869331727437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541641852812456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058374148950416
ptsd,ShittyDirtySanchez,2018/03/24,"Tempting urges of violence. Since I have been in expressing(?) PTSD symptoms, I have felt really strong urges to destroy things, whether it is a framed picture on the wall or wanting to hurt random people. There doesnt seem like there are specific triggers that I can put my finger on. Does anyone else feel these urges?",4.111091954022985,6.989511948275865,3.642068965517243,86.16816091954023,76.06896551724137,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,1.8312666666666664,255,10,44,4,6,76,49,58,0.207,0.738,0.055,-0.8713,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,0,7,2,1,1,0,8,11,2,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,3,4,2,6,9,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,3,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006134767255448,0.2931631528374953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503850283123573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23901605730670664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467057322050775,0.0,0.2747195080489062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062967515681915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397834937867397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835917666288996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344582850275987,0.28762903892686065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832954238440246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604723696483209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23668093687896646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29738762549624204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008502583812895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876064414707684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Katietennyson,2018/03/24,"How do you cope with your life being threatened? It's happened to me four times now the fourth time was recent and it was very traumatic I am terrified all night since,and it never leaves my mind I have thought of suicide as I'm so scared of it happening - being killed.The other three times I was only partially traumatised, or in denial I think as I was constantly fantasising about other safer better lives all the time,where I'd be ok and everything would be wonderful,I was almost constantly in that state of fantasy never seeing any reality.Is that normal?.To live in constant fantasy.

One time it was my father who threatened my life and threw me under a table and a few more times after and I don't think I've ever recovered from that I don't like being around him.

I can't afford a psychologist/therapist at all,so I just want any advice on how to cope? I managed the last three years almost but this recent one I can't get any feeling of security or okayness,I feel it's all my fault because I had warning signs about the person that I ignored.I just wanted to suicide so much and researched it so that I never have to go through the violent death that I'm continually threatened with.Its ongoing I live with it so I don't see how I can cope.",5.272514940239045,5.855983948207173,6.418164840637453,76.9886815239044,68.08366533864542,9.621613545816734,30.4285358565737,9.673873057562805,2.7904599601593625,1005,37,191,21,16,338,134,251,0.193,0.768,0.039,-0.9906,1,0,0,0,0,2,19.0,0,2,0,1,14,7,1,1,8,1,23,2,0,3,7,36,39,18,3,3,5,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,18,9,0,1,5,2,0,2,8,3,0,5,9,4,26,4,24,24,6,30,0,0,2,0,6,7,0,4,21,133,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790806705347344,0.0,0.0,0.2211535440718971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22528260856312515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830351538935032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731532458823092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976637807724761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579973389587717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988761825536698,0.0,0.0,0.09924474143553498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167050182108673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05769359293365608,0.0,0.06275825581828443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530060885320294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001281080184134,0.0,0.11692633603080566,0.0,0.0,0.15599582827358585,0.05394909465685739,0.0,0.2925274110847132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149987417414624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117661159274157,0.0,0.25550452107765104,0.0,0.0,0.10362833645727193,0.10819509503006472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965649805110193,0.0839847723302545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642066912996884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806684403295476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055677381400178,0.0,0.17599217553321292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415786105840989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821435403171685,0.0,0.14151443132281485,0.0,0.08766676873665047,0.3863455192697697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111390798082207,0.1302655087350028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844423115074449,0.0,0.0,0.07111142068168412
ptsd,roosajemina,2018/03/24,"Craving deeper connections but feeling completely unrelatable Lately, I’ve really been craving deeper connections in my life but at the same time I’m also afraid that my experiences make me completely unrelatable. Does anyone else feel the same way or has found a way to create more meaningful friendships despite the trauma? I’m afraid of opening up and being myself around people because I often feel like I’m too much and I’ve been told that my experiences are just too much for most people to handle. I definitely don’t want to burden others with my issues but it would be nice to be able to share more with people without having to wonder if they will leave me for having too much baggage, as it has happened before.

I grew up in a loving but dysfunctional environment. My brother has schizoaffective disorder and was often hospitalized for months. I often looked after him when he was psychotic and having hallucinations. It made life quite unstable at home because the lines of reality were so blurred. My parents were also quite ill and occupied with my brother so I mostly looked after my youngest brother alone. I got severely ill at 10 and was in a wheelchair for six years, unable to do much. When I was 12 and in a wheelchair, an adult man sexually abused me for six months. 

Since I left home at 18, I have lived in five different countries and on two continents. I managed to get a BA and a Master’s degree. I am doing relatively well despite my internal and external life being in a constant state of chaos. When I was 24, my 49-year old mother had a sudden massive stroke after a surgery and was in a coma for nine months. Two years later, she is now in a locked in condition and unable to talk or walk but awake. I stayed in the hospital with her for nine months and three of those in hospice because they told us that she would never get out of her coma. I saw a lot of people die around her and we nearly lost her several times to severe infections. I saved her once from being suffocated because her tracheostomy tube got stuck. All this left me with pretty intense flashbacks and nightmares. Most of my friends left when I went through all this because it was too hard for them to handle. 

I feel totally alone and isolated from everyone because of my experiences but I don’t want to feel like a victim, I’d like to go forward and be able to form meaningful friendships. I just don’t quite know how? 





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ptsd,missiontan,2018/03/24,PTSD and raising your kids/ adult survivor I find myself getting angry at my kids and when I get fed up and start to see red I get flashbacks of when I was being abused by my father. I worry about abusing them. Sometimes I even see myself slapping my son even though I don't want to hit him and do everything to control my temper. I'm worried that I will lose my self control and hit him and that it will turn into a vicious cycle of hitting him all the time. I yelled at him today because no matter how many times I tell him not to touch certain things he just does it anyway and then rips books or destroys things. I saw how sad he got and I feel so guilty. I don't know how to be calm. ,4.166245210727972,4.2601202758620715,4.934712643678161,88.37877394636017,70.3793103448276,6.720306513409962,27.145593869731805,5.033348758259628,0.7673984674329506,540,16,116,1,9,175,94,145,0.247,0.715,0.038,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,1,1,3,12,7,3,0,2,0,8,1,0,5,2,24,25,17,0,1,3,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,6,9,1,2,3,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,7,27,2,13,14,1,11,0,2,4,0,16,4,0,1,7,80,33,1,0.0,0.3795015113998752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762553866503096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3592421590008624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014774864999607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115542301428996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393188180525787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097630784643017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637357659859224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25101422842967025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808604065740456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801387768565608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916612381944114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236627346032503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720598423912752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25523654594788203,0.0,0.16707066742182772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839177191199275,0.0,0.11335451256815292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997756403840608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127921833254065,0.0,0.15734589320577352,0.0,0.1867687120788077,0.0,0.15180282903994766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419647149214312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446021791858347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252788154040752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PicturePerfectUrso,2018/03/25,"NSFW Many, many possible triggers, this is my story. I'm almost 30 years old, I was in the U.S. navy shortly (medically discharged) and very little attempt has ever been made to help or diagnose my problems. I'm not even sure this is PTSD. My most recent breakdown was less than a week ago due to an argument with my dad. I apologize for any difficulty understanding this post because I don't even close to understand my condition.

My father was mostly absent when I was a child, and didn't realize how badly impacted I am until this recent meltdown. He thought I had developed some minor condition as an adult, but I was actually abused (and am very shameful of telling about it) as a child when I was around 4 years old. My earliest memory is being molested as a child by my now financially successful cousin. My own brother molested me for years at around 10-14 years of age.
I kept these a secret because I'm dumb I guess, I'm commonly called a martyr by friends for damning myself to protect others who don't deserve it.

My dad is a drug addict and dealer. My mom is a drug addict, somewhat dealer, manipulator, compulsive liar, and actively uses my condition to try and control me. This recently backfired as my condition now makes it so when manipulated, I become very violent. My mom for years successfully controlled me, siphoned money out of me telling me if I didn't work she would have me locked in an asylum. This is not impossible because I'm frequently suicidal. She broke me when I begged her not to force me to go to work (a factory job I had at the time) because I would likely kill myself in my current mindset with the machines. She told me to work or get locked up, I attempted to kill myself with a boxcutter and grievously wounded myself later that night.

My brother is a narcissist, he believes everything he does and says is better than anything anyone else puts forward. My uncle and aunt took me in when I was finally kicked out for having an episode, and they also tried to manipulate me and promptly kicked me out. The most common method they use is to give you easy tasks at the start, then ramp up into more and more work until you are doing every chore and earning income while they do nothing.

My entire family is full of manipulators or my mind is so broken I think they are all manipulators. I know it's gotten only worse though, my condition is worsening. I have a serious jaw infection that makes my latest attempt to run away a practical suicide attempt.

I've never had treatment because my family is poor, everything goes to drugs. I've never had proper treatment and as an adult I can no longer cope with the condition. I'm reaching a point where it will most certainly end me. I have very little of a support network outside of the few friends I have made online.

I'm not a bad person, when I am mentally stable and I feel I can help, I often go to /r/depression to try and help people. My self worth is so low I take no credit from this or anything else. Thanking me is worthless because I don't feel worth thanking. I've never been happy in my entire life, I don't know what being happy is. My sexuality seems messed up, I don't seek anyone of either gender and I never ""window shop"" because my mind is simply never that idle. I never know if I will sleep like a rock or I will have terrible nightmares, most of which involve my death or my failure to prevent harm to someone else.

The biggest thing that scares me though is the fact that my meltdowns seem to result in a complete split. I am one person when I'm calm, and I'm the exact opposite when I break down. If I'm kind, I become hateful. if I'm peaceful, I become violent. It's extremely dangerous to everyone, and especially myself. Any attempt to actually commit me somewhere is actually even more dangerous because it's a trigger itself. The mention of being locked up makes me become very violent, to the point I would easily hurt someone to stay free. 

My teachers, parents, and the one therapist who saw me in the military and thought I was just having a single episode... they all failed to do their jobs. Now I just feel like I'm biding my time until I die.",6.300522388059701,6.595761004975125,7.306927860696515,72.50912313432836,65.81592039800995,10.182587064676618,34.16293532338308,10.02789654360092,3.4935353233830853,3304,140,584,70,48,1115,356,804,0.198,0.696,0.106,-0.9985,5,0,4,0,1,3,88.0,0,2,6,16,29,46,13,2,39,0,68,12,2,18,14,115,116,57,6,8,18,10,3,3,2,6,10,1,2,8,27,32,0,5,15,2,7,6,19,27,0,2,25,5,109,20,78,82,18,90,0,5,1,0,50,33,2,22,53,413,136,12,0.0,0.06549998661256344,0.16184141759160686,0.12053081559704593,0.0,0.0,0.049004050034222,0.0,0.055356816162519085,0.0,0.0,0.04420889849970763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518714655423513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730875004258038,0.05664281773584667,0.0909845518541742,0.09842518513324862,0.0,0.0,0.051939144896235384,0.0,0.0923161193367001,0.2695945616455187,0.24421796741054055,0.0,0.06228374661891789,0.0,0.04889232936010212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644897913445863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05796199813498128,0.0,0.12400665556470622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476142012009525,0.0561099433026944,0.05737386230632498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837754467166356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923282857024043,0.0,0.13854274835285066,0.0,0.048963336081579385,0.0,0.0,0.10953947870518796,0.050005624317524894,0.046577367172815416,0.05282420424165826,0.09936757612995956,0.0,0.10422967073374204,0.0,0.08385653686033362,0.0394933852571137,0.0,0.0605585960632249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542128484904317,0.0,0.028882499995074237,0.05303141547970749,0.06283593138138785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060899222027008065,0.0,0.0,0.117697175879643,0.0,0.0545794102675165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116283419323683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918039461724602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971746914075248,0.0,0.1223224163901944,0.05756756976046652,0.09114442451939334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039047225872416526,0.0810238007512943,0.11081393124684208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461810075180596,0.11070325009980707,0.11209429652866043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569067693751671,0.055711131388877184,0.0,0.11163787698189656,0.1294909366118221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25582075767937623,0.0,0.0,0.0518782983520981,0.0,0.053044453664485104,0.0,0.1160180647651506,0.0,0.07492086355575607,0.042044359920594215,0.0,0.0,0.061383984232762215,0.0,0.0,0.03832549411889003,0.09654000848495607,0.0,0.0,0.10451848828756337,0.06232201208663676,0.05294475856304479,0.0,0.0,0.052897292026171036,0.06462155798127685,0.05557355714652817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375255816404946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043962368870065625,0.05534680467569865,0.0,0.0,0.10065309242592448,0.05767105611313965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532180270690019,0.0,0.09368031301334648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0391287983454925,0.05892312730763127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093880557982988,0.06273322093686035,0.05210251653028891,0.0,0.041565092939267176,0.0,0.09663759742884498,0.10179225327988332,0.0,0.06418652213163244,0.03672682384757653,0.035422395747516155,0.10862833046965717,0.08777527343516847,0.06447061618111725,0.0,0.0,0.05282420424165826,0.06142020142555243,0.11259830071228248,0.0,0.0,0.11510077089188782,0.0,0.09549158752294866,0.0,0.2280666979636245,0.0,0.0,0.04434378861796339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098346466754052,0.0,0.05633695735531575,0.11781198174450758,0.0,0.0,0.17799858728249854
ptsd,Aemnas,2018/03/25,DSM on Tuesday I am about to have my DSM test for tuesday and my therapist asked me to gather a support network. My support network is asking me what I will need. Does anyone have any advice for what I should ask them for?,4.386666666666667,5.092797888888889,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,70.1111111111111,6.8888888888888875,30.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,1.6098888888888891,175,7,34,1,3,57,31,45,0.0,0.878,0.122,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,12,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,2,7,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,26,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330161975400736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621580858987889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673380364408324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6687718067441859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20867423233787388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681191596670207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5411935148808541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768655028518166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,corkum,2018/03/25,"How do I talk to my friend? Hey everyone. Sorry if this has potentially been posted several times, but I’m making a quick post while at work and don’t have much time to go through the sidebar and read any FAQs y’all might have here.

A good friend of mine has PTSD after his time in Iraq 8 years ago. He also has gone through A LOT of medical complications in the last year including a brain tumor being removed. His girlfriend has been an absolute saint in supporting him through all of that the last year.

He called me last night because it sounds like the 2 of them are going through a rough patch. Specifically because she has a large family and when they come to town every few months, she likes spending time with them. But for my friend, the dynamics of all those people in one place with lots of noise, opinions, drinking, etc start giving him a lot of anxiety and it becomes very difficult and exhausting for him to be around that environment for long periods of time.

I’m going to go see him today after I get off work and just spend some time/hang out with him. But before we got off the phone yesterday he expressed that he’s worried that this might be the end of them because the family thing seems like a deal breaker for her. He generally likes her family and has the desire to spend the time with them, especially since it’s so important to her. But since he isn’t able to do it at the moment (her family doesn’t know about his PTSD and he seems to want to keep it that way). And he’s going down the rabbit hole of “fuck ptsd. This sucks, if this ends, am I doomed to be alone forever” etc.

I’m still getting used to what his needs are and the best ways to talk to/interact/support/advise him through his tough moments. I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with this issue, and what kind of attitude I should approach this hang out with? Any phrases or philosophies I should avoid? Should I be giving him advise and trying to help him find a solution, or just be there and listen to whatever he wants to say?

Thanks!",6.629347086828383,6.227324436408981,6.614396962140107,80.1053905010202,65.23441396508727,10.283427794150988,30.69610065744729,9.800150414767053,2.5790339152119697,1613,50,326,30,22,513,206,401,0.085,0.764,0.151,0.9849,0,2,1,0,0,0,37.0,1,1,5,3,12,20,2,1,23,0,30,5,1,3,2,62,63,27,0,10,11,0,1,4,4,5,2,3,0,0,20,24,1,2,5,2,3,10,3,7,0,1,4,5,36,13,57,48,11,58,2,1,1,1,52,14,2,15,34,211,56,4,0.07739722563819773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860797064689017,0.0,0.0,0.08016018397920882,0.0,0.061894533380019275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789830249379375,0.0,0.0592086657676988,0.0,0.0,0.054117939741358895,0.0,0.0,0.06889993998272455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154189112190765,0.08547915492619733,0.06585933844307829,0.0,0.08122361327792987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640090061156326,0.07903122090519554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667085666859543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797931411322086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581981569389422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710193840357549,0.0,0.17263673123843742,0.0,0.0,0.06521050071515137,0.07395636588253597,0.0,0.07570933803736747,0.29185286462003485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073966206434616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793907136078567,0.07155248794023526,0.08087371188654935,0.14849294268755114,0.21993313474976264,0.06491712077882174,0.06190163171398549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187772888178722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078259513576826,0.0,0.06879421033493692,0.0,0.08059730029621408,0.042535491098438384,0.18926720689568807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124949984779446,0.0,0.0,0.0684941091411507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740106045984496,0.0,0.0,0.05166324911280358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796956222937322,0.0,0.16421245083996078,0.0,0.0,0.061777727091805165,0.0,0.056895866282995186,0.057389062114038526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263205322959518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0524463631483861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365749103798774,0.0,0.08086362763216384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482502951843104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714196449093236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741817042664488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154938032466456,0.0,0.0,0.0616755681810599,0.1409190547690246,0.0,0.08743683472675866,0.0,0.12804756969755673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866398574977697,0.054782154668050496,0.0,0.061809524372736825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565890891121413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441791642636604,0.0,0.0712569667224437,0.0,0.0,0.051419277605185006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31591661277143945,0.0,0.0733635200849556,0.0,0.0,0.05254763572101445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684635279353619,0.0,0.06386081684470693,0.09130177794875796,0.12286863033457116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393398966002233,0.11269220412223276,0.07860063958632686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149523827229838
ptsd,Edemardil,2018/03/25,"What do you do when the cycle of destruction starts? My PTSD get's me in what I call the ""Cycle of destruction"". If I forget something and it gets too stressful to make up for it, I let it go and go and ignore it and it gets worse and even knowing that it's getting worse only stresses me out and doesn't make me want to fix it. Things like I wanted to cancel a subscription that I had but something came up in the terms that scared me so now instead of only owing 200$ bill I owe them like $1600 dollars and have lawyers calling me now.

What do you guys do when the stress gets so bad that you just let shit go and get worse and worse and worse or how do you combat that?",4.774583333333332,4.033247291666672,5.278611111111111,89.2775,69.1388888888889,8.033333333333333,27.027777777777786,6.6274283507984215,0.9382111111111112,526,13,122,3,8,169,77,144,0.297,0.6729999999999999,0.03,-0.9917,1,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,1,0,11,11,3,4,5,0,10,1,1,3,0,24,28,18,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,16,12,0,1,1,0,4,4,1,9,0,0,2,0,17,2,12,24,1,15,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,2,8,84,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592695808037784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346276639017525,0.13140164486359712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588265954994965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601464688322377,0.0,0.19588105952264412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375751110042195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063139622512679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349622061710045,0.0,0.1122572712693077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337770706405107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475550664815578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429831167294895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502326246285186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179312214999906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768933013568557,0.0,0.0,0.08131855250400279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948125873843483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632670257297731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552822938096185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5854051259335123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,emmaw53,2018/03/25,"Advice on Communicating through Trigger Moments? I have a few different triggers, some from long term abuse, others from very specific violent abusive situations. It's left me with a series of landmine triggers that I'm unsure how to navigate with my new SO. Most of my triggers are conversation based, especially about sex, boundaries, etc. which is unfortunate because it makes it feel impossible to communicate through what I need, what I want, what would be a better way to word things, etc.. I wish I could tell my SO those things so we can could work on them, but my whole mind is taken by my symptoms, and I haven't been able to push through them. My symptoms start really physical with clenched fists, shaking, and a lot of flinching. But most of all it leave me virtually verbally paralyzed. I understand why this makes sense, but I want to be able to communicate, or at least learn the first step into being able to communicate where I'm at, what I need, so that my kind, gracious, and incredibly patient SO can be part of that process. I have a tendency to get really frustrated at myself when I'm triggered, I'm angry, pretty unkind to be around. My SO has been incredible through all of this, and I genuinely want him to be a part of this process, and he's more than expressed that. I guess I am looking for advice on how you've learned how to communicate through triggers, and how you've figured out how to talk about them, and navigate working through them with your partner, or friends, or even just yourself.",9.59349945828819,7.937733929577469,9.051126760563381,69.08087215601303,60.05633802816902,12.541278439869993,42.62080173347779,11.362043627235082,4.76714875406284,1212,59,221,27,13,388,153,284,0.095,0.815,0.09,-0.1192,1,0,0,0,1,0,39.0,1,1,4,4,19,7,2,1,7,0,21,3,0,13,2,58,40,25,0,9,7,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,20,15,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,4,0,1,3,2,31,3,45,28,15,22,0,0,1,1,14,11,0,8,7,167,51,4,0.3530886106318386,0.2789015107478968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300227358769477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047745741983066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174651326372374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040927275540901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879416830051906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296748234344915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625247570756957,0.07773723242144426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951073688705096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001123306093472,0.0,0.0,0.0909317948999966,0.0,0.06149140862005336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965563739097236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256248441125205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462328556281695,0.12787726952494138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415743645285863,0.09883516843059507,0.0,0.0,0.10006110339699492,0.0,0.0,0.1571262595831651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883961416324425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454048720931215,0.0,0.11367172679420888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549070380535728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973935155315192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507984035475705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229546406101494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330597864744024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24466284110724684,0.0,0.09459975015567144,0.10287166956757147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638425571977524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225258986688009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971116940673368,0.20826081076111214,0.09342176806584762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620251722501722,0.13140360808307278,0.13534482559077496,0.0,0.0,0.17136847587002332,0.0,0.0,0.08360800612857015,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,joemars305,2018/03/25,"Bullying gave me anxiety, anxiety made me an alcoholic and drug abuser, alcoholism gave me chronic gastrointestinal pain, and chronic gastrointestinal pain gave me intense homicidal feelings. I dropped out of school during my last year of high school because of extremely high levels of anxiety. This severe anxiety disorder started nearly a decade ago, because of the bullying I went through in middle school. I suffer from uncontrollable panic attacks (I would qualify those panic attacks as small heart attacks, given their intensity).

My first real panic attack happened back when I was in 8th grade (in 2007) and my phone got stolen from my backpack during PE. This might not seem catastrophic, but with this phone, I (stupidly) recorded myself jerking off while I was bored a few months prior , and I didn't erased the video (I know that it's dumb, but I was 13 at this time, and teens do stupid shit all the time). I completely forgot that this video was still on my phone's memory card, so when I figured out I got robbed, I was just angry about losing my phone, and about not knowing who stole it. I didn't realized what was about to happen. So I got home, (I lived with my mom back in middle school) told my mom that my phone got stolen, and she called the telephone operator to deactivate the sim card. To me it was no big deal....

The real drama started the following day, when I got back to school, and got laughed at by literally almost a hundred kids. I didn't understand why everybody was laughing hilariously, and then someone said to me ""I saw you beating your meat dude !"". I still didn't get it, then I remembered about the video I filmed a few months before with my phone, that I didn't erased.

I got ridiculed for the rest of my middle school years because of this, kids called me various degrading names, like faggot, pervert, wanker, weirdo etc.... During this time I began to sweat a lot because of anxiety, so I smelled like sweat all the time, so people humiliated me because of it, for example, one day during a math class, a girl complained to the teacher that I stink, and that she doesn't want to sit next to me, because my body odor makes her gag, of course everybody started laughing at me, even the teacher had a smirk on his face, but the teacher didn't let her move to another place.

I got beaten a lot, because I used to be skinny and short as a teenager, so I was an easy target, I got violently beaten countless times in the locker room during my middle school years, someone spat on me once, It is extremely humiliating to be spat on, I got treated like a pariah, like a punching bag (and I never reported it to the school administration or the police, out of shame, I never even told my parents about it to this day, and I regret not doing it, because there could have been an investigation to find out who stole that phone). The video was shared phone by phone, via Bluetooth, so my entire school saw me choking the chicken (seriously !).

I live in Martinique, an island in the middle of the caribbean. This island is part of France, so I'm French, but Martinique is a very ghetto and rough place. Living here feels more like Jamaica, or Brazilian favelas, than France. I've been to ghetto schools. The schools I went through were very ghetto-ish. The kind of schools where kids do drugs at 11, where a good portion of the girls get pregnant before 18. It is very traumatizing to get beaten by 5 or more kids. It feels like your manhood is taken away from you. People pick up on anxious vibes, and treat you like garbage because of it. Now I have PTSD from all this physical and verbal abuse.

The bullying greatly diminished in high school, because I went to a high school away from my hometown, where nobody saw this video. I moved from my mom's house to my dad's house, but the damage was already done. In high school, I got teased a little bit because people could notice my severe anxiety, for example people in high school used to tell me that I walk like I have a broomstick stuck up in my ass, and other hurtful things like that, but it was nothing compared to what I went through during middle school.

Because of all of this, I stupidly became a full-blown alcoholic during high school, to cope with anxiety / depression. I also heavily used drugs. This heavy alcohol and drug use led to all those health problems I have now. I want to commit suicide because I suffer from extreme anxiety, agoraphobia, chronic stomach pains and severe headaches. I went to a GP, I explained to him all my symptoms, then this GP sent me to a gastroenterologist, a neurologist, and a psychologist. The psychologist prescribed Xanax and Klonopin, and I did CBT for 4 months, but it didn't help me. The gastroenterologist and the neurologist got multiple tests done on me: A gastroscopy, MRI, blood tests, etc... but unfortunately they didn't figure out what's wrong with me.

I'm currently unemployed, I live with my father, and he is threatening to kick me out of the house. He has been very patient with me, but his patience is running out. I totally understand that he is not immortal, and he wants me to be independent, I don't hate him or anything, I love him, but how can I hold a job when I'm severely physically sick, and I have no diplomas, because I didn't graduate from high school ? From these years of intense bullying, I developed an extremely severe anxiety problem, and even almost 10 years after this happened, I still struggle with even basic human interaction.

This made me completely hateful of people, even though I know not everybody is a piece of shit. This left me in a state of perpetual, uncontrollable anxiety. I absolutely hate every single human being on Earth. If I do get a job, I will die from a stroke or a heart attack because of anxiety. I tried to get a disability allowance, but it got rejected TWICE. I lost pretty much all hope, and I feel like going on a killing spree at this point. I feel like going to a place where a lot of people gather, then cowardly killing as many people as I possibly can, The only thing preventing me from going on a killing spree is my belief in some form of reincarnation after death. If I go on a killing spree, there's only 2 options afterwards:

OPTION 1): I surrender to the police, I get sent to prison, and the prison where I will spend the rest of my life is a dirty, severely overcrowded mess. There's no protective custody there. This prison is organized in dorms, each one full of 40 to 50 violent people, high on crack/meth, HIV positive, murderers, thieves, rapists, etc.... I don't want to go to prison.

OPTION 2): I commit suicide to avoid prison bullying, but unfortunately, instead of finding eternal peace, I'll find temporary peace, then I'm going to be reborn as some creature on another planet somewhere far away from Earth, maybe as a penguin-like creature, and instead of having a good time in my next life surrounded by my new penguin friends, I'm going to get gang raped and abused because of bad karma. Like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Vs1d0fNEsE) poor fellow. What goes around comes around. I can avoid human justice easily, but unfortunately, I can't avoid the Universal justice system. I hate this world.

I hate this life so much, this life feels like a punishment. No matter what I do, I always end up getting fucked over. I fucking hate life. I want to say thank you to anyone reading this long wall of text, and sorry for the eventual grammatical errors, because English is not my main language (I'm French) Sharing life experiences with strangers on the Internet is helping me. I don't really plan on killing anyone, so don't call the cops on me, I'm just venting on the Internet.",8.822145845786011,7.734023539748957,8.412538752739593,71.23614225941424,61.16178521617852,11.457884040645547,37.91946602908946,10.514752103910665,3.9136912054194064,6092,250,1086,117,70,1946,541,1434,0.273,0.633,0.093,-0.9999,6,4,9,0,3,4,237.0,0,6,2,8,50,96,36,10,82,0,76,46,14,12,12,158,177,80,10,14,28,6,8,13,2,4,27,2,3,9,61,52,5,7,21,8,4,21,27,68,0,4,66,16,156,28,174,99,34,170,2,9,3,7,75,90,7,20,68,698,217,35,0.0,0.09246493966981326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02305932547636956,0.11120173052533663,0.05209736094611138,0.0,0.028706453601719237,0.020802920957443856,0.021645247647940555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455467380018143,0.21890212905210252,0.02938775788843787,0.0,0.03637837338257184,0.0,0.021406826507828,0.04631491432798965,0.0,0.14797009183628532,0.07332138749492392,0.06000813813446865,0.021720117429209724,0.2695781485615226,0.0,0.04427100543852502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028399915014186632,0.028895043066628923,0.0,0.0,0.07968782468558723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022408256201339943,0.05454914764481173,0.0,0.0,0.04153919504635064,0.0,0.0,0.050329507675464416,0.026818691688454584,0.022405318785352544,0.0,0.026997820870602315,0.0,0.029813630697947843,0.0,0.0,0.05324151651161082,0.0,0.0,0.12066922455665816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023040167135686296,0.0,0.08703551214098128,0.08590808617555806,0.0,0.02191742659474602,0.0,0.0,0.025446114364603718,0.0,0.0,0.07891899446814013,0.09291995500080692,0.0,0.0,0.0713273782732454,0.022127000041877683,0.0,0.0,0.02009790219959556,0.048097971489342715,0.10872749782804483,0.0,0.10348817440861093,0.04363764160091788,0.27046898744826925,0.028679885154559763,0.0,0.0,0.06901073881804615,0.0,0.0,0.154097188063605,0.0,0.027651046866788643,0.0,0.06165205110383009,0.034872491460705014,0.24736143895164034,0.02609357923491888,0.025837193624446555,0.0,0.0900479751496946,0.02784790196618554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516286068109332,0.0,0.14389996391255813,0.02708897176994899,0.0428888826307488,0.021204407615520855,0.0,0.0,0.028263654745736125,0.026600482343994602,0.1102442785499453,0.1652149464528884,0.026072278782595312,0.09188129864475399,0.02302105631470627,0.0,0.029102360741119594,0.028396718647394625,0.06634703314505336,0.0234781253554671,0.04922905013505618,0.017364158496836375,0.02637352286080389,0.02613397479844769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027596125606745587,0.0,0.09139980220471644,0.062290986139152335,0.05529629298663009,0.03824571070997143,0.0,0.040126303239702274,0.025123921181602477,0.0553311302676695,0.0,0.0,0.024960576134245332,0.029616448782055518,0.0,0.027703441158887124,0.035254730506894164,0.03956875316132232,0.08304033242810413,0.09156342327434228,0.028884822182474807,0.028169996679508418,0.0,0.14427542904115045,0.0,0.08153545533508083,0.0,0.024591088267581256,0.02932622018066655,0.0,0.026464998074708944,0.0,0.04978265562941084,0.030408293543895192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026020457576877352,0.059217929438521076,0.01666486166740303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02946813155464185,0.0,0.02474471750845885,0.020686914077083687,0.0,0.5002123878647418,0.0,0.02368163873018286,0.0,0.17632654733062722,0.05340479946009874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044082169269567616,0.0,0.0,0.029119891674829864,0.05523729340235137,0.0,0.0623230475968818,0.0,0.0,0.027194872587651464,0.0,0.0569089142354793,0.0,0.0,0.02703790163746575,0.0,0.0,0.02273687389929922,0.02394966025986286,0.0,0.0,0.034564318019556686,0.0,0.025558051084605887,0.0,0.09101179929889136,0.0,0.0,0.049713871314226686,0.0,0.017661403240462982,0.0,0.0,0.05416177105205714,0.0,0.08986896370439405,0.0,0.08585517670464249,0.07671693953489138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057349540763965,0.02347306359548544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01847918576910497,0.028441588902570362,0.0,0.08375894146738301
ptsd,3mptys,2018/03/25,"PTSD nightmares I suffer ptsd from sexual abuse and every once in a while when I’m really stressed I have nightmares of being raped and it will totally knock me off my rocker for days. Two nights ago I had a dream that I was too drunk and someone forced themselves on me I screamed but nothing came out I screamed more till someone came in and was like what the fuck are you doing get off her.

I’m so shook from this whenever I have a free moment it’s all I can think of. I’m so on edge and I don’t want anyone near me I’m in like complete high alert. Tonight people want to go salsa dancing and I can’t because I’m trying to get sober and I can’t be sober and have a stranger touch me I can feel every inch of them on me and it disgusts me. I can’t be a normal human being I’m too self conscious and scared constantly. I’m over these nightmares I’m just so over hurting.",-0.05634135060129353,2.159779776595748,1.7201665124884364,97.28847826086957,89.0,4.3333950046253475,19.34412580943571,5.7926816847441245,-0.25832173913043466,690,21,156,5,23,225,106,188,0.192,0.7140000000000001,0.095,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,7,13,3,3,6,0,19,3,0,0,2,23,37,17,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,7,13,1,0,3,4,1,5,4,10,0,1,5,4,23,4,21,27,3,28,0,2,0,2,5,14,1,0,11,99,30,0,0.0,0.1890206716732692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141649382264845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115492736334891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724991514716236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36492680058858457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672674512714707,0.1723986380496851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288567082585816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688270848009412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066474382298698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748580774782125,0.16669895158802892,0.0,0.09066635406492757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855551053069345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707835149128922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587965770762674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971103517598205,0.1563085950394804,0.15307634060308975,0.0,0.0,0.16989757655863005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060018505672496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729713829239518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220100798085556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597204936338591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642784718556794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27034380622222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274466109338866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222238786210062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831252305336116,0.0,0.15584068667057951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819354654491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kalashnekov,2018/03/26,"Triggering dream (triggers are involved) Any help would be appreciated. So background, in 2012 I witnessed my stepfather kill himself.

There on after I’ve been battling my own thoughts and reoccurring episodes with many negative events in between then and now.

I’ve made many life changes, the most influential including 1 year of seeing a psychologist after being on medications, meeting my boyfriend who keeps me accountable on my actions, and maintaining a healthier life style.

So there’s a few things that keep me from going into a panic attack and recognizing that is key.

However, all my methods of coping today are not working after this dream I had. 
Writing is one of my methods, and I wrote this and I would really appreciate feedback or any insight on why I am not being able to withhold myself today.

“I’m writing this, because I am experiencing and attempting to avoid a full blown panic attack. I am stronger then my negative thoughts, and I do have the power to control them. Writing about it makes it seem less real, and it isn’t. My dream keeps playing in my head like a record and each time i get a glimpse of the record I avoid it. I avoid it as much as I can, because I am at work and I am capable of working a full time job without letting this effect me. So let’s talk about it, I dreamt that any type of thing that supported my idea of killing my self was personified. The first person was Brian, he was in the dream with the bullet hole in his brain with the gun in his left hand telling me “I did it, and you saw me do it. Why would you not want to get it over with? You are going to do it.” Then the sound of him shooting himself replayed in my head echoing. The 2nd person, wasn’t anyone I knew. It was a kid I saw hang himself on morbid reality, after the suicide I developed an almost sexual obsession with observing death. This was the first time I saw it happen on the internet, the same feeling echoed through my brain. The kid told me that it was my turn to be watched by the public. Then the video replayed in my dream with the sound of him struggling for air and finally passing. The third one was my ex husband, who was probably the worst. In the dream, he kept telling me to do it as he cut himself deeper and deeper in his arm. Then he said I’m gonna do it, all because of you too. You deserve to die, then at the end of the dream he kept holding me down to put a knife against my throat and said this is how it ends, just do it yourself.”

I am also looking into talking to someone I can somewhat relate to on this, talking to your friends about this typically doesn’t help me.

Thank you for listening.",5.54921332046332,5.947569681467183,6.1223527992278015,80.00005429536681,67.43629343629343,8.946042471042473,33.56201737451737,8.841846274778883,2.7237314671814667,2077,90,405,32,32,676,240,518,0.118,0.789,0.093,-0.9641,3,3,2,2,0,1,52.0,0,7,1,9,13,19,6,7,33,0,44,10,7,7,2,69,78,30,5,4,6,2,2,1,1,4,3,5,0,5,34,24,0,11,8,9,1,6,9,14,0,5,25,14,66,5,70,43,13,56,0,0,6,0,50,27,0,5,24,302,100,6,0.086762300564625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868799112271215,0.0,0.0,0.0693837804151748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770040187700147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066621787875472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740928460930104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586684793769094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19371084289137844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178300972686752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731129763138853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004556998539226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369129177019314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04386962608091882,0.0,0.0,0.09504385936079934,0.0,0.1475999370754565,0.0,0.0,0.06703233819303715,0.0,0.0906594421262394,0.0,0.09861802969775504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672361585240002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780863026072483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630988239532873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979440765939403,0.0,0.0,0.0860981956677911,0.2313549576862385,0.19197926134094828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426749342653032,0.17744066130607822,0.12256555750971256,0.04238767752279448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285848083051187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209658661891275,0.05791450934719239,0.17592670978195715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740388996189655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06378027391325097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758476057715465,0.0,0.0,0.20359373146123452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151498855018075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354443449626204,0.0,0.0,0.08722007597566311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987544927274608,0.05558215141737632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506163240774055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913832039708429,0.07898513986991583,0.09051200164355527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351341571409951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070279466524084,0.0,0.09490387472648663,0.09845683050095784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209208752088936,0.15166814979335855,0.07987906947720026,0.0,0.0,0.11528203450732467,0.0,0.0,0.13775915041058828,0.1517753855495146,0.0,0.1644810321714793,0.08290509630620635,0.0,0.0,0.0943724685925236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117465280671042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657896249399725,0.0,0.0,0.08363576162438273,0.0,0.18949196443517846,0.0,0.0,0.18490034696728655,0.0,0.0,0.055872076949856055
ptsd,AFGh0st,2018/03/26,I want to help my friend She has ptsd. I presume from rape or sexual trauma as a child. She's gotten help and medication for it but she says it just numbs her and exacerbates it. I want to help her a lot because I really care about her and so far her coping mechanism seem to be to run away and isolate herself off. Is there any (preferably cheap) psychiatry I can look for that won't immediately go to medication? Thank you all for your advice and time.,2.1550061050061093,4.404703010989014,4.173113553113556,83.15244200244202,79.32967032967035,7.560927960927963,22.1990231990232,8.515128840125781,1.425357997557998,358,11,74,8,9,122,65,91,0.091,0.708,0.202,0.8732,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,4,6,1,0,2,0,5,4,0,0,1,15,13,9,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,3,0,0,1,2,16,3,13,10,2,6,0,0,1,1,16,3,0,3,1,52,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186202279742966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521398000710745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019579762016427,0.0,0.0,0.13637990198035996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22810124093200895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728483895764455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714734466945424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498718768983639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787157688389305,0.0,0.0,0.1902019046300978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507562179652549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615210541195627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433231425408577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17791408018704413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036696704159332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597474132915206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045509911962028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26391609074715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FattieCattie,2018/03/26,"Problems coping COULD CONTAIN TRIGGERS 

So to start off, I have not been diagnosed with PTSD, but I do suffer from trauma and I didn't know a better place to ask for help.

My story is rather personal, but in a nutshell: I have suffered and still suffer from verbal and also, probably, emotional abuse from a family member. Screaming, cursing, and other awful things have been said over the course of many years (I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said over the course of my entire life).
All this left me traumatised, a major depressive disorder and also anxiety, which is luckily in remission. But I still suffer from images of specific events and also from stress. I can't live a day without thinking of the event and experiencing at least some stress. Now I know it's nothing extraordinary, but it does really haunt me. 

Now I'm asking for advice, but that's where matters become more complicated. I still live with said family member and that will likely remain the case for at least a few years.
So I am asking for advice on how to deal with past traumatic experiences and also for advice on how to deal with the present. 
I did sign up for EMDR therapy but I have to wait 4 months at least...

So do any of you have any tips or coping mechanisms for me to use??
Any help will be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR : Suffer and suffered from abuse, need advice on how to deal/cope.",5.4955255255255295,6.774745401544402,6.423211068211073,74.6395441870442,67.95752895752895,9.307679107679107,27.516302016302014,9.586721724236666,2.5403202917202923,1085,34,191,23,18,360,139,259,0.276,0.6559999999999999,0.068,-0.9971,0,0,0,0,2,0,35.0,0,1,0,1,17,15,0,2,11,1,21,2,0,5,1,43,35,28,0,6,11,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,0,1,8,14,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,12,0,0,7,5,19,3,42,22,8,29,0,7,0,0,12,15,0,3,15,144,27,0,0.0,0.2258075289857093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724674381262577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048153944961035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440260204162088,0.0,0.07289703883362332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672515088851674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524096760713908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427678118824602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608178048052684,0.0,0.0,0.061454545927607074,0.2947212354316224,0.0820736436284494,0.09671794075053636,0.0,0.0,0.10921126919083328,0.0,0.08338943552248604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718908549551463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321247968382304,0.17966297103689807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050582094381549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12774254470564153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473842996481407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353350244476693,0.0,0.06730656022993774,0.04655416787818329,0.0,0.16828666963709113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966096995647064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606003804465286,0.0,0.0,0.0706567634198335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143388898095504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909656483954216,0.0,0.08320406572444257,0.09955838266744664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273937054623516,0.09118022323514544,0.11138959778168864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061045590589945374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719295109253606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744716849210039,0.0,0.2282975594906217,0.0,0.21831009270857746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897309178908073,0.0,0.06330683233242046,0.061058360987254874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230047261316431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185672617206753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272802861763843
ptsd,ParrotSTD,2018/03/26,"I'm a writer, and my work-in-progress features a character admitting to himself that he has PTSD. I'd like to get this character right. If anyone is comfortable with describing their experience with it, I'd like to ask a few things. **Mods, I do apologize if it turns out this isn't appropriate for the sub!**

In short, I'd like to get have this character in my sci-fi book be believable, and hopefully realistic by the time the novel's completed. I have a few anxiety problems myself, but not PTSD, so there's only so much that I already understand on the matter.

I'll give a quick run-down of this character, Oscar: 

Oscar's in his mid-to-late 30's, and is a doctor working a mostly dull job in a universally understaffed space station. Two years ago he was in the crossfire of an evacuation - the enemy faction in the story was attacking the city, and an enormous number of people were killed.

Over the course of the main story, Oscar finds himself caught up in similar events on three occasions, all of which revolve around death and gun violence. After the second of these events, one of the other characters confronts him about it, and he admits to her (and himself) that he has PTSD.

**So, my questions to you bunch!**

There are a few that I'll ask, and you can answer as many or as few as you want, with whatever amount detail you're comfortable with. I'll certainly be grateful for replies regardless!

What's your thought process when something triggers your PTSD? Can you string a sentence together, or feel like you're dreaming, for example?

What coping mechanisms do you have, if any? How effective can they be?

How do you react to a scenario similar to what first caused you to develop PTSD? Is it different to other occasions such as people/objects that remind you of it (more/less extreme, etc.)?

I hope my questions don't come across as confusing (like that last one!) This isn't a bland survey, so feel free to comment anything outside what I ask that you think might be important for this character I'm writing.

And again, mods, if this isn't appropriate, just let me know and/or point me to a better sub!",4.28590909090909,6.269768599502487,5.158421528720037,79.77642469470827,71.96019900497512,8.952329262777026,29.84350972410673,9.496760409515344,2.9369243781094525,1675,71,306,41,33,545,210,402,0.096,0.774,0.13,0.7932,2,0,1,1,0,0,73.0,0,11,2,4,15,18,3,1,27,0,28,1,0,6,2,55,50,28,2,9,9,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,28,16,0,0,13,3,1,2,5,6,0,6,5,2,31,13,50,39,11,32,0,1,0,0,34,19,0,13,16,210,59,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930601887433295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117667296025008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685113243149349,0.0,0.07707107749606433,0.0,0.0,0.07044455188532647,0.0,0.08290608734877201,0.0896860712031061,0.2825541624432685,0.11461410549853235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350721924471158,0.0,0.08910241675114854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349478440721092,0.0,0.08678450518027989,0.10563117325653246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525903313381844,0.0,0.10311868738125643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123593879327334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854976773073908,0.0,0.0,0.10188128611621937,0.07197358191251578,0.0,0.0,0.09208081125146626,0.08569523360071005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527215966422,0.0966455749770875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001287421741095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997571999748336,0.0,0.11146148144151197,0.0,0.05536784334311662,0.0821221431074095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302049731305292,0.0,0.2460991514685037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214151028846236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687650498797216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406053932555731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653736885255596,0.07662253217857827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984519236184536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952383535769736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640114555411834,0.5888384809760076,0.0,0.2257190960796216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603727394353013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775598602605388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693174179349325,0.06455452439119999,0.0,0.07998175886101884,0.05874630833053494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095836611011234,0.09841504996330801,0.10488104157251013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059423112415886076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466898381257758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06487767922999914
ptsd,sigmatic787,2018/03/26,PTSD and Anhedonia For those of you who have PTSD and became anhedonic did it ever go away? I am suffering from Anehdonia and have been for a long time. What has worked? Thanks,1.3641176470588228,4.059276588235297,3.0267058823529425,85.47417647058826,91.94117647058823,7.425882352941178,18.564705882352946,8.238735603445708,1.3713717647058823,140,4,28,4,5,46,29,34,0.095,0.825,0.08,-0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,6,0,5,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,22,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29724774951078137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28618221037257097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980503172362794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27998476630223923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7396584105568238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912785555627224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18448268264423706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303271101039208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Weezerismyjam,2018/03/27,"I hate going to work I had 3 panic attacks on Saturday. when I'm having a panic attack I cry uncontrollably and hyperventilate and pace really fast. All through out the day I get dirty looks from people as if I'm a psychopath and it makes me feel disgusting,  it's because I'm big and intimidating and I cry a lot. call it insecurity or whatever you like, but it's killing me. brought me down so much I almost ended it Sunday. ",1.8591731266149871,4.212034581395352,4.738992248062019,78.10587855297159,81.09302325581395,7.543152454780363,24.671834625323,8.515128840125781,1.9737354005167957,338,13,66,8,9,121,61,86,0.342,0.638,0.02,-0.9746,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,2,10,5,4,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,14,12,11,1,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,2,10,1,7,10,3,12,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,4,7,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954404964830864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440815839872607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897743274841575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929644211496025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287831792489698,0.12587232557412015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286793888502827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868681241361116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197136558825487,0.0,0.11092297640548356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269581923065698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21593324406631226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535309857952293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389862127383828,0.0,0.0,0.16593159247179215,0.0,0.0,0.13028144596971228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14347676261830378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579937916097499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531041193852175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503469576772525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209039844263222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FLALIVING324-,2018/03/27,"Seeking advice about my boyfriend with PTSD Hello! I’m new to this page but was hoping it could help make sense of my boyfriend and mine’s relationship.

My SO and I were were together for 3 months and everything was fine—he was so calm, understanding, supportive, nurturing, etc..He is ex military and cop and has expressed he has PTSD which has caused substance abuse. I’m not sure if he has been diagnosed with anything else but he has been to rehab. Just from being around him I feel like there is a depression disorder in the mix. 

We decided to move states together and start a new life. We don’t live together (mutual decision). He wanted to marry me etc..and I started to see a change in his behavior ever since the move. He got flustered really easily or would get angry over something simple—traffic or a common life situation. He seems to have no patience anymore, especially with me and will just shut down. 

Most recently, I had to stay at his apartment for a week as mine got renovated. I expressed to him I didn’t want our week living together to “rock the boat” and he said it wouldn’t. I went over there the other day and he said he needs space and basically told me to leave. I feel like I’m suffocating him. 

He’s never expressed what medication he’s been on before but I know he’s off of them ever since we moved.

I’m not familiar with PTSD or the symptoms but I was just hoping to gain a better understanding. ",4.004134897360704,5.7016738530466,5.258418051482568,79.95005131964811,72.11827956989248,9.087064190289995,27.377158683610297,9.573946990214177,2.5265469534050173,1131,41,219,28,22,376,155,279,0.094,0.764,0.14300000000000002,0.9379,0,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,4,0,1,2,11,10,0,0,11,0,25,6,0,2,4,54,52,21,0,9,13,1,2,2,0,3,6,2,0,0,6,18,0,0,8,1,0,4,7,1,0,0,17,5,28,9,31,30,2,31,0,1,1,0,32,12,0,8,15,133,34,0,0.0,0.11920425299784496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831315839489016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977628976811123,0.0,0.0,0.08279196759438895,0.08956261883978055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561015913071159,0.0,0.0,0.08897976778483317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335232442925064,0.10643012433295806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032745276178273,0.0,0.0,0.06488395912685244,0.0,0.08665368620334904,0.10211519456808868,0.0,0.0,0.11530570146457553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404523257567753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440945175758614,0.0,0.1820117346808153,0.0,0.0,0.09042015347913326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174104710941516,0.1437490213784975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256362656969926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093111977021266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743554869972257,0.0,0.0,0.1998532661067633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05529162982387942,0.0,0.0,0.10652954601655733,0.0,0.0,0.14212507917877185,0.09830415895842548,0.0,0.17767774913168755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715674773410284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135216641414793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803044970097017,0.32079175038145963,0.0,0.07459969772079432,0.07759523804916213,0.19433603271840247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528167689077436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445218242078407,0.0,0.09933844967986384,0.10801554397115257,0.0,0.0,0.19140285453740494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017170125419801,0.09158991715163196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664482680399718,0.1130878203284559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745309955712165,0.0,0.0,0.14242198872703554,0.10723494367334517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141689811962931,0.09482202796526476,0.10457043108985643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613543654716833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20947334683900345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868263368399427,0.0,0.16140364206684504,0.0,0.0,0.09326479962717617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146917123876215,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,helpmeigotboneitis,2018/03/27,"I Can't Sleep I have a headache. Headaches can be a trigger for me. I'm a survivor of bacterial meningitis. I was in the ICU for 30 days, during which I almost died several times. The headaches were indescribable. The pressure inside my skull was so enormous   that my eyes crossed, giving me double vision. Sometimes a minor headache can trigger a flashback to this series of events, and then I either panic or go fully numb for extended periods / have a dissociative episode. The pain was by and far the worst thing I have ever experienced, even while on a dilaudid IV pain relief program (heroin essentially). 
 

 It's been 12 years since the meningitis, and I'm starting to lose hope that I will recover mentally. I am trying to stay positive, but things like therapy and medication have yielded no results for me. I'm also partially blind as a result of my trauma, and I don't have a lot of friends because I tend to isolate myself. I exist only to be a burden on my loved ones, as well as random strangers on the internet. My family is at the point where they do not care about my mental health issues anymore (if they even did to begin with... I was diagnosed with PTSD last year, and my family is skeptical / doesn't take it seriously).
 They are determined to blame me for being a failure in life, and I understand their ignorance / cruelty towards me (I've done a shitty job expressing myself to them, and they aren't willing to listen anymore). They don't understand me, or the hell that I am living with (guilt, pain from nerve damage, visual snow/disability, loneliness/despair, tinnitus, insomnia and other various mental health issues mainly).
 

 I feel so alone and I don't know what to do anymore. I know that other people here have been through worse trauma than I have been through, and yet I find myself mainly relating to combat veterans when I read others' stories. I am too weak to end my own life, but if I died in my sleep tonight I'm confident that nobody I've met in person would have understood me (not that it matters). I fantasize about death sometimes, as a form of release from this reality I am living. It makes me afraid that one day I won't be able to resist a depressive episode, and then I'll be gone forever. I don't want to die, but I've never been fully honest with mental health professionals about the extent / recurring nature  of these thoughts because I'm afraid of hospitals. Being institutionalized after telling a pdoc that I'm ""suicidal"" is a recurring night-terror that I have. Being misunderstood, and consequently institutionalized for it, has always been a major source of anxiety for me. I would rather die than be forced against my will to stay in a hospital. 
 

Thank you to anyone who read this, and I hope we're all okay someday. ",6.802399425287355,7.447999668582376,7.477238984674332,70.50884698275864,64.76628352490421,10.816187739463599,34.51173371647509,10.686352973137794,3.9145572796934864,2225,95,379,56,32,739,270,522,0.211,0.698,0.091,-0.997,1,1,0,0,0,1,81.0,0,1,7,1,16,32,2,5,28,1,55,20,4,5,3,56,84,32,6,8,11,0,1,1,1,6,15,1,0,1,26,18,0,2,8,2,0,3,12,21,1,2,16,5,59,11,61,54,12,41,1,3,2,1,17,14,1,9,23,282,85,5,0.07853616264032866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864262235909998,0.08133977922798846,0.0,0.06280534088913678,0.06534837871756892,0.2552816982262018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600799494569213,0.0,0.2336603101283336,0.05491431097485317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574983159847436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007285197267612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129865553676458,0.0,0.06764308180194864,0.07971255190669735,0.3260325502386327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036976155432153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955972933126353,0.0,0.0,0.10374478946349328,0.07104045538834289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807380919564067,0.0,0.03971024357860554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717806298507103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067684443854321,0.0,0.0,0.07533904349728372,0.044633911095077056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504408051104107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600826023629588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394269892174013,0.07793502309183159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632284217806742,0.06401745463386277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094482852625066,0.03836880205125965,0.0,0.1386977409212206,0.0,0.0,0.08786187722213194,0.0,0.06676863699705407,0.07088195303940535,0.0,0.05242349840571674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791169214367704,0.31658392015544656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060571930229071924,0.0,0.0,0.07370086845238663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064362726739026,0.05973029066299725,0.2507040427814592,0.09214526529688513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054447086549722884,0.06857474793652597,0.0,0.0,0.07424205882624603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180457137668904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711483128260734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872350935363785,0.0,0.0649659253063913,0.0,0.15718576103548088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534854603152784,0.0,0.05558830014023535,0.16741819961129592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590581499351863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904942035949148,0.0,0.06864406776913834,0.07230554689299376,0.08981294647365845,0.0,0.10435187348255584,0.0,0.0,0.06234894056192562,0.0457950680066655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332089918367303,0.0,0.0,0.1635178300702347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046322663527076015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061344202761924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08003505926257735,0.11157967325420534,0.0,0.0,0.10114942766227047
ptsd,Ptsdthrowawayagain,2018/03/27,"Do any of you ever feel pathetic? Sometimes when I see people who have been through worse, I feel like I’m whining..I don’t know..I feel like a whiner...Anyone else?",-0.4367647058823536,1.8110982647058835,1.6384705882352968,95.42711764705885,95.76470588235294,3.896470588235295,18.564705882352946,5.6839178017228535,-0.2398047058823529,127,4,27,1,5,42,26,34,0.21,0.644,0.146,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,9,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,3,2,2,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943051062696781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997879369150422,0.2927625059328109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386894096956309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584576910387078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.433418584233704,0.4082488441716541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570288531462813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791849216585132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980880921511547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276885369961716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825926881665058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911816444035102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,collegeruled70sheets,2018/03/27,"Thinking out loud Last summer I (F17) was officially diagnosed with PTSD, though I had been suffering from the condition for at least a decade. 

It's been a lot to process but I'm finally getting the psychiatric attention and emotional support I need to slowly repair myself. I remember after I had explained my traumas and symptoms to my current therapist, I asked her if I it was true that I had something wrong with me (my psychiatrist had told me the week prior that much of what I was experiencing aligned with the PTSD diagnosis and I was startled). I'll never forget her saying ""No, you definitely have PTSD,"" and in that moment I experienced more validation of my suffering then I had in my entire life.

Shell shocked, I told my mom about it in the car and she made it very clear to me how there was no way in her mind that it could be that serious. It took a sit down meeting with my therapist and psychiatrist for her to begin to accept it.

Although there's a long road to recovery ahead of me, I'm proud of how far I've come. I just wonder why it took so long for someone to notice and help me when I'm was too broken to help myself. I was showing signs of major trauma in elementary school, and no one noticed and part of me is angry about that. I was a child, and I needed an adult's help. I wonder what I would be like if I had gotten help earlier on. 

**Here's where I could use some input: I don't consider myself mentally ill. I hate the word. If someone asked me if I was, I'd deny it but I know I have PTSD and I guess that does make me ill by definition. Will I be considered mentally ill forever? Is it a problem that I can't accept being mentally ill as part of my identity?",3.979098639455781,4.928371247813413,5.8088228862973725,78.87123238581147,71.21574344023323,9.331827016520895,28.868926141885325,9.621722640351123,2.5990856171039844,1330,50,268,31,24,460,174,343,0.17,0.7040000000000001,0.125,-0.9576,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,2,13,16,1,1,13,0,31,7,0,5,3,54,57,25,0,10,7,1,0,1,0,2,7,2,0,2,20,17,0,0,9,1,0,4,6,10,0,1,23,4,54,6,39,26,8,33,0,2,0,0,20,12,0,9,16,199,74,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857439840964975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227178819366646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525109239149275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969387309934796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357979910534392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743377954135314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046244766537458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989905055397248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521296145214312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429449502672146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560683174506908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052488764795078656,0.07785186479668964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746020940473946,0.04666044294934467,0.0,0.0,0.16904336081312096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811975879060385,0.0,0.09037209208284004,0.06375241148517173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28874916251017285,0.0,0.0964359745210397,0.11185795539472912,0.0,0.0,0.0702094572325279,0.1416361210520745,0.07366174974682349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174732544427211,0.0,0.0,0.06471877363028695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685197272014574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138837183181203,0.4465755234670306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819208134462607,0.0,0.0,0.0759518901443404,0.0,0.09665931599987056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184743965245954,0.07352681659508238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838148233275444,0.0,0.09926950570057093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178457635427884,0.0,0.06119774660952389,0.09383624261444616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252420243243545,0.21222607021493986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824883502830319,0.0,0.07880420111351391,0.0,0.07580989982459077,0.07661085260554977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618122262761183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714896326842788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678462279227381,0.1044231356986931,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Arionai,2018/03/27,"Self help. Hi. I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago, among other things. I've found it pretty difficult to get better, as for a long time I didn't have any specialty therapy etc. I'm currently doing DBT along with trauma work with a therapist, and we'll be moving onto EMDR soon. 

My father has recently found a lot of solace in the self help book ""The Chimp Paradox"", which I was slightly skeptical about. He bought me a copy and kept asking me to read it, literally whenever I even slightly showed any negative emotions. It feels like nobody will even listen to me to simply vent, and instead jump to trying to figure out a solution (which is actually something DBT talks about greatly, since it's unintentionally invalidating).

He eventually snapped at me and told me that I'm simply wallowing in self pity, even when I'm doing all my therapies etc. I said I'd read the book when I felt ready or it felt 'right', and he snapped ""For fucks sake, you need it."" 

Idk, I just didn't want it to clash with my DBT teachings etc, as I've never really used a self help book, and it definitely does not deal with PTSD, so I don't know if it could possibly be helpful or a hindrance. Just a bit sad, as it feels like I'm trying my best sometimes but it'll never be good enough. I feel like someone who hasn't been through trauma doesn't understand that it's not in our heads! I'm not trying to wallow in self-pity, I just don't want to fuck anything up.

TL;DR, dad wants me to read ""The Chimp Paradox"", I'm slightly unsure if it's a good idea when I have ongoing therapies. Has anyone got any experiences they'd be OK with sharing? Successes or failures alike.",4.715479414202818,5.5256566200607935,5.844096435479415,79.7989935064935,69.42553191489364,9.142912406742195,28.632357004697433,9.339509955726095,2.354336170212766,1304,45,259,26,22,435,175,329,0.105,0.7659999999999999,0.129,0.8785,2,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,2,1,1,4,14,19,3,0,14,1,25,4,1,1,3,48,55,19,0,7,12,2,5,3,0,3,1,2,0,4,20,14,0,1,11,7,1,2,12,8,0,0,14,7,25,11,35,32,9,24,0,2,0,2,26,10,2,6,15,154,45,9,0.0,0.0,0.07975965685025323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245140841879685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674380971697092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714964191500621,0.0,0.06725932776560793,0.0,0.07640935919602737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577378289087245,0.07228623186331155,0.08923131094448239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652571817153829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426317529405583,0.0,0.08295731507375577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152513404213638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919386689678858,0.0,0.08445207887844136,0.2734618340648087,0.1619517061163182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995059640363658,0.0,0.0,0.1239800423926406,0.1751703001959517,0.1569530715924042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923211924229454,0.0,0.15112175679471151,0.04270213996266981,0.0,0.0,0.13710759221040938,0.06536937849659596,0.09011096507859953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388167896268225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191357352572764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226665351425936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044918341248251815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979190446046245,0.0,0.0,0.07233116835954823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948650775718633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686928660002019,0.0,0.06060401348111255,0.12607511817010308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214172191924627,0.0,0.08315188517887594,0.0,0.0,0.19108309973117849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24526547418894304,0.0,0.05236027828069236,0.0,0.0807015165949279,0.0,0.0,0.06979956952838885,0.07774683766228538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4263269298638052,0.0,0.0,0.06761041524562679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925213950878349,0.06292208726209529,0.0808360664106686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656939215125362,0.0,0.0,0.28040656283486715,0.09489835894570824,0.05429979996852765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765919286964684,0.0,0.0,0.07809942225668297,0.0,0.16647410706810978,0.0,0.0,0.08508697704968096,0.0,0.07059110423886293,0.0,0.0,0.14462479376281334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950262651329705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263339799941866
ptsd,tallorai,2018/03/28,"Disassociation Episodes My PTSD has been somewhat calm after I was sexually assaulted by my ex- rape scenes in movies made me cry from anxiety and whatnot. But I recently learned that at our last group gathering, one of my (now not) good friends sexually assaulted another friend in her sleep. We don't know what else he might have done, if anything but it was a complete shock to us all. And since then, I've been having harsh episodes of anxiety attacks and thinking back to every moment that I slept anywhere near him, and to top it off, that ex ended up liking a status of mine on FB, but I had thought I had gotten rid of him. Not only do I have anxiety attacks, but I also started having other issues. My current boyfriend put his hand on my leg for comfort and when I looked at it, it looked like it was growing in size against my leg. I looked up to the sky when I was walking and it felt like it was another wall closing in on me. And now, I woke up today, realizing i had cut my leg up like I used to do from depression and anxiety. I've looked all over the internet and I can't find what you're supposed to do in these situations. Any suggestions? ",5.3949350649350665,5.594530809523807,6.32292207792208,79.11866883116885,67.74458874458874,9.716883116883118,33.81601731601732,9.606745405546679,3.0328043290043287,911,40,184,18,14,303,134,231,0.154,0.718,0.128,-0.7748,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,0,0,1,6,17,6,0,4,0,22,7,6,2,2,31,36,18,0,1,7,2,2,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,14,11,0,0,7,0,0,3,4,8,0,1,17,6,31,9,33,18,3,38,0,1,4,1,15,21,0,3,18,131,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028039824054254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527465346234081,0.2629805893968701,0.3837152173695999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319152255890544,0.0,0.0,0.2853156971059436,0.0,0.09642299755417642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147697529337776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377433517916745,0.0,0.0,0.1080047506356308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283252599391405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047535861907606,0.0,0.1110650345988326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565286825947028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040134034909862,0.0,0.11461111500202445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376371621060684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051775394179022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088249266508695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891522972665996,0.10221576308870917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450516911614041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212095350910988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865422078577333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302701439867975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497264452253042,0.09537050909861003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658305882309208,0.12605920145995606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381498071560622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373017277766423,0.14095213221327274,0.12548813915527354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875705149690212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034970498571711,0.0,0.09955167030241004,0.0,0.0,0.1188622420865094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083784716745624,0.10830324607031594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DeadbeatPieceOfShit6,2018/03/28,"People are selfish egotistical sacks of shit. Fuck this planet. Fuck you all. 

We rape, abuse, betray, let down and destroy. 

That’s all we’re good for.

I’m running out of pills. I’m ready to stick the needle in my arm. And escape this hell, till I accidentally OD or get the courage to off myself properly. ",1.003,3.5776343,2.6750000000000007,89.2425,89.33333333333334,5.0,19.166666666666664,6.6274283507984215,0.2436666666666665,238,7,48,3,8,78,49,60,0.444,0.442,0.114,-0.9859,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,1,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,0,2,6,2,0,2,7,7,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,2,10,6,2,6,1,0,0,3,2,4,4,1,1,27,8,0,0.0,0.40932098589614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6387559169970295,0.18049184411377345,0.0,0.0,0.28976067922696225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532626213969624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23950278235158914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546161157621411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ashleycadash,2018/03/28,"Tips for dating/making someone comfortable who has PTSD Hey guys! I made an account for this so please let me know if this isn't the right place. 

Okay but I'm interested in dating this girl and I'm pretty sure it's mutual. She's told me she has PTSD and a little bit of background on it. Now I don't want to push her or anything and I was wondering if you guys might have any specific tips for making her feel comfortable?

I've been doing a lot of research and asking her some questions but I don't want to be too invasive. It seems like a lot of it is very specific to the person but I'm head over heels for her and I'd really like to make it work.

I've read a lot of articles about what its like dating someone with PTSD and they always seem to be from the partner who doesn't have it and it seems to be sorta shitty. So I want some input. I've seen her freak out a couple times and have been keeping a list of her triggers so I can avoid them but I'm not sure what else.

Thank you so much.

TLDR: I'm in love with a girl who has PTSD. Do you have advice for what i can do to make it work or make her more comfortable? ",1.0444299552906138,2.6652171762295107,2.953487332339794,93.6416616989568,80.10655737704917,6.239642324888227,18.87779433681073,7.1686216300943375,0.10095737704918052,877,19,206,11,22,294,119,244,0.06,0.754,0.185,0.9874,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,2,2,8,14,0,1,11,1,25,3,2,6,2,47,50,20,0,5,9,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,6,18,11,0,2,7,1,1,1,5,2,0,0,6,2,23,12,26,39,8,13,0,0,1,1,28,8,0,16,7,133,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049164738601248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893368244787774,0.0,0.0,0.07301232601000747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835278456883015,0.0,0.10037239259386388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721548600881845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187980533155984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969022652264297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054287300315801264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261775366097016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018813533921812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543152586025166,0.0,0.0,0.05900535523230885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097886548062834,0.0,0.1573603049493615,0.10760859063601813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27383531716400605,0.09690169399247604,0.10159197720223112,0.2866696293033427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138979913615676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789261088700896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374754722774443,0.1121742561468662,0.1178552460888076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922946811636072,0.0,0.0,0.5020188130374336,0.0,0.1202741035474114,0.0,0.10739470803070894,0.0,0.06878118679716475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916896813335714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29322497534133635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819411393546156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238171534317811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884786858353596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260577588599353,0.0,0.0,0.10259248283957988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858790826293493,0.18998113229985603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643347115689892,0.15632694872984146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,panjier,2018/03/28,"Bad day Hello all. First time poster. 

I’ve struggled with ptsd for 13 years (only been seeking help for the last 5). I know I’ve been getting better but today just put me back a bit. 

Not sure what exactly was the trigger, but I suspect it’s a dumbass that almost hit me and my child in a parking lot today. 

But now I’m just charged up. My hyper-awareness and adrenaline has been kicked up by 12. And I’m overreacting to the slightest things like my child crying because she fell. Thankfully my wife has a job that allows her to come home and take our baby for a bit so I can just go to a quiet dark room for a bit. 

Not real point to this other than venting. ",1.4759460976979248,3.408896167883213,3.248467153284672,90.54284110050536,80.02189781021897,5.675238629983156,22.217293655249854,6.67199483983844,0.5063008422234696,513,16,109,5,13,171,94,137,0.145,0.779,0.076,-0.8655,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,1,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,10,0,7,0,0,2,3,24,16,8,0,0,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,7,6,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,2,0,1,4,1,12,4,14,11,5,18,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,2,10,68,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679386532275711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289596468097607,0.1400319403042023,0.10223525922106944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832702664453115,0.5492919479195972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446844520681196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18422300123439345,0.1081599218991416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426551564039142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762223854742314,0.0,0.09531420357982286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241335730342604,0.0,0.16822812038912993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16642759898745116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216975110497018,0.13670710349887022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193527567049913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258216014115846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275520102194863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854139902901065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19604554902474675,0.16859619084401994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908921898580905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753282774453653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806592688017407,0.0,0.12609803477508566,0.0,0.0,0.1544060434638758,0.0,0.0,0.1114199435924995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977938147889662,0.0,0.31794142781923074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080005863663556
ptsd,memericunt,2018/03/28,"how can i deal with people who don’t take me seriously (trigger warning) I’m not officially diagnosed with PTSD, but after doing extensive research for the last three years, I feel like I may have it. 

When I was a child I was repeatedly molested by a family member, and I believe one time I was raped in my sleep. I’ll save the details, obviously.  A lot of the years following (I am now seventeen, going on eighteen in a few months) I’ve tried to repress the memories but they’re still incredibly vivid. I find myself completely reliving one particularly disturbing instance of the abuse every once in a while and I can’t seem to snap out of it until the memory is over.

Panic attacks are not as common as they were in middle school, but they still are frequent enough to destroy my mood for weeks after the fact. 

There’s tons of other little things that I realized is common in people with PTSD and/or a history with sex abuse.

I see a “therapist” in school who isn’t an actual psychologist, more like a social worker, who I talk to and she says that I should seek professional assistance. 

And I’d love to. In fact, I want nothing more because I’m also convinced I have a problem with depression (as concluded by more than one attempt at suicide, and my lack of motivation in all aspects of my life, and many other factors.)

The problem stems from my father. I told him about my abuse two years after it ended (10) and he never did a thing. I can’t tell if he didn’t believe me, or he didn’t care. I just know we never spoke about it after that. I’ve come out to my aunt (15) and my mother (16) since then. My aunt never said a thing. My mom acted like she cared but ... nothing ever happened. 

I can’t afford to see a professional psychiatrist. I can’t even GO without my father being there, as he is my legal guardian. 

The talking with the social worker helps, sure, but there has to be more I can do than just talk and live around people who are supposed to protect me, but seemingly couldn’t care less about the fact I might have a disorder. 

How can I convince my family that this is a serious issue? They know of my panic attacks, the attempts, and that I speak to a social worker.

They seem to think the social worker is enough. I can try to explain that I need more, but ... my dad probably wouldn’t buy it. He’s the kind to believe mental disorders aren’t a thing, anyways.

If I can’t even convince him I was abused, how can I convince him that I need help coping with it? ",4.606069844789356,5.4114125670731745,5.909911308203991,79.24617516629716,69.67073170731706,8.809164818920918,28.52697708795269,9.0124134603493,2.254893495934959,1941,67,377,35,33,654,233,492,0.165,0.711,0.124,-0.9836,2,0,0,0,4,1,66.0,1,0,4,8,21,29,5,4,31,0,43,6,1,6,10,77,71,32,1,11,15,7,1,3,0,4,2,4,0,1,24,22,0,2,12,0,1,5,18,14,0,5,11,8,60,14,61,53,13,48,0,1,3,3,45,16,0,9,30,281,84,11,0.0,0.3398048467737054,0.06996756914324677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733740859210355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382702631434974,0.0,0.1631351987999029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04370684992123357,0.0,0.0,0.2423395797947483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930474856254492,0.0,0.0,0.06176206429285204,0.07517470198679896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391819093060271,0.061753968130730426,0.07277265108171897,0.0,0.0,0.16434579821163367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350374929519156,0.14816780566927715,0.0,0.0947126040326764,0.06485556100014833,0.06040923034419893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518226920583665,0.0,0.03625300697559443,0.05122155140751724,0.0,0.0,0.06553129470332357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149602442376716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634029060461878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611622788921904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483479414880399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466314206023754,0.07880743902867063,0.058443993797399035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050642898154309585,0.1050850604068516,0.07186091340456577,0.06331124813126579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060955653873381116,0.06471085811636201,0.0,0.0,0.0726912080941207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225540585666347,0.07606096916437093,0.0,0.08397262760952216,0.057229202430626576,0.0,0.0,0.10632732564431883,0.16589532658793693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759363460845336,0.0,0.0,0.07635675434155899,0.1457546436877873,0.0,0.0,0.16824590556657984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912051127921172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730330388651438,0.13721190752311765,0.16762384042910655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820186363160691,0.05701766820986043,0.0,0.14512578419309688,0.11426913040075234,0.19581535671564496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059309889113282936,0.0,0.07175046005451262,0.2923511006397801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451731712989252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842671889028785,0.0,0.0675751574989764,0.0,0.053908484443313635,0.17288604956071127,0.06266780667667557,0.0,0.0,0.08324769380064616,0.1905336687140155,0.045941619158413466,0.0,0.0,0.041808076966516686,0.0,0.0,0.06851116143906456,0.0,0.09735739476008252,0.0,0.07003919225662941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042289739186590285,0.0,0.05751235639872033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911496906732685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851479780118908
ptsd,Battard,2018/03/29,"PTSD and Cannabis, Federal Law Anyone else witnessing the horror of the VA and their 'medication management'?  I have spoken to several patients whom consistently find symptomatic relief with medical cannabis use.  However, many are forced to take SSRIs, SNRIs, antipsychotics, opiates, benzos, etc. instead due to Veterans Administration being ""federal and cannabis schedule 1A"".  Surely this may change in the future, but what to say to those who may not survive until the laws change?  ",9.19701754385965,12.191010631578953,8.136842105263161,59.28622807017547,61.105263157894754,11.908771929824562,40.29824561403509,11.538034831475384,6.071287719298246,392,21,48,13,6,121,62,76,0.059,0.8909999999999999,0.05,-0.1803,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,5,2,0,1,1,13,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,9,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,32,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589389689589066,0.23290380571162184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809232368198213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898865830651526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25350839480039794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20775530271002035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304545333694619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579775908003816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26571077122331715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076436567273055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567932265514657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423500581570398,0.0,0.1709072520978442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963210433073517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,shawnjitsu,2018/03/29,"Therapist just starting talk of PTSD symptoms - I feel guilty and worthless Around 3am following my family Christmas party I woke to my (now ex) girlfriend calling my name out for help.  I won't go into details per the rules but she self-harmed badly.  It happened after what I thought was a relatively benign argument that we would resolve the next morning, but after I went to sleep she drank heavily.  She has PTSD from sexual abuse/other childhood trauma and now apparently BPD is in the conversation. I tried my hardest to be a support through inpatient and outpatient programs she attended after and all that came with it, and thought I did a great job.  I started seeing a therapist weekly myself about a month after the event because of recommendations from various providers.  

We broke up and it was my choice after non-stop arguing and she relapsed with drinking a couple times (always a precursor to her self-harm).  I have a 6 year old son and it was too close for comfort to risk him seeing something like what I had and I felt myself struggling to adequately parent - I was also becoming increasingly irritable and feeling like I was ""making things worse for her"" and we were arguing almost every day.  I feel incredibly guilty, like I failed to love her / jumped ship, I failed as a support, and that her relationship with me led to what happened on Christmas despite her adamant denial.  There were two arguments about a month ago where I became extremely verbally abusive when I normally would be able to just walk away.  Arguments were getting intense and happening often.  I decided earlier this week that no contact was the best option once I knew she was set up with a good DBT therapist and psychiatrist she trusted and I blocked her number.  It's been the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I want to reach out every second of the day to see how she is and apologize profusely - for what I don't even know at this point.  Everyone around me including my therapist believes it's for the best for everyone involved but I can't shake feelings of guilt and regret for essentially abandoning this person I love who needs as much support as possible - but I really believe I've been worsening her symptoms with what are now my own.  Most importantly, I also felt the stress/tension/anxiety was palpable for my 6 year old and I wanted to do everything in my power to alleviate that.

Over the last 3 months I've been having terrible insomnia and I consistently wake up in the early morning hours with feelings of dread and my mind immediately wanders to what happened on Christmas, specifically the blood in the bathroom and her voice calling me.  I also can't shake the ""feeling"" of being awake in the psych unit in the hospital watching her sober up and come to terms with what happened.  I've been drinking heavily every day, I've stopped attending jiu-jitsu for a little over a month now (been at it consistently almost 3 years), and I feel so agitated and irritable. I can't shake this intense feeling of guilt and these sudden intrusive thoughts of the wound itself which make my whole body jerk and tense up.  My brain is foggy and my thoughts feel incoherent.  I don't want to attend holiday events and I'm dreading this upcoming family Christmas party.  I keep welling up with tears without any discernible thought behind them.

Yesterday my therapist mentioned that I'm showing symptoms of PTSD.  I think over the next few sessions we'll get more into that conversation.  I feel guilty and worthless and regretful.  Like I'm overreacting or victimizing myself.  But I also can't ignore these symptoms that seem to be getting worse as time is going on, especially the early morning anxiety/flashback thought of her voice that morning.  I don't have a particular question... just hoping to relate I suppose.

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ptsd,megsyram,2018/03/29,"First attending at serious accident [TW] I work in a rock climbing gym with 15m (49 feet) walls and yesterday I witnessed one of our regulars fall from the very top of the wall. It all happened so fast and as first responder I stuck with him whilst we waited for the paramedics. The paramedics also wanted my help moving/rolling him into a stretcher and attaching a neck brace (suspected fractured spine). Afterwards I was sick and was disassociating for the rest of my shift. All day today I’ve been an absolute wreck - I am nauseous all the time, I am emotional and have been crying uncontrollably. I had to call in sick to work because I’m too scared to go back in. I understand that I’m probably in shock from witnessing something like that but I just want to know if there is anything that I can do to prevent myself from getting consumed by this :( I can’t concentrate on anything",4.824752747252745,6.619077940476188,5.3940476190476225,79.40736263736265,70.19047619047619,9.216849816849816,32.565934065934066,9.661875296680813,3.2610956043956048,706,33,130,17,13,227,116,168,0.141,0.804,0.055,-0.9188,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,0,6,6,5,0,2,10,0,12,5,3,0,3,22,23,10,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,3,2,0,4,1,4,0,3,6,0,18,1,24,17,4,24,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,11,89,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590377140885232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414398640276372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595220923077366,0.0,0.1264642301837821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21183740939956314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22788243714309625,0.13379299239742132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333618820922001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3529266649064272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838803588220287,0.0,0.11790293752997535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345407456716348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905445931341087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401327397738585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135330649633824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405786418902766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236743859209494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077012534295156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15971099944661152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097019754485253,0.0,0.1966455517354678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159706827252971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117425047438886,0.24472774041337825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30206321384579765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BlackAnnisHP,2018/03/29,Really rough emdr session Yesterday I had the most difficult emdr session that I've had so far. Today I've cancelled everything I had planned because my mind just feels so fuzzy and distressed. I've tried my sooth box and safe place techniques but I'm still not able to ground myself. Does anyone have any tips to bring me back out of my own head? Or do I just have to wait it out and hope I can function better tomorrow?,3.4660714285714285,5.322991559523814,4.120952380952383,86.8907142857143,73.88095238095238,7.180952380952381,26.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.5667571428571434,337,12,66,5,7,107,61,84,0.064,0.8190000000000001,0.117,0.7637,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,1,1,0,7,1,1,0,0,16,12,7,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,9,3,6,9,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,5,39,11,2,0.28766895773887485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956247558513259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011448238874427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211996717561445,0.0,0.1753603265908857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441981595014634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517410434841863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585383102142269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545406851783632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952313431364025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28572018362013124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290463642114554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005528336205454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428810051217293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297328012474069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726765356881031,0.0,0.0,0.1953083392183758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NykeGimigonDaorun,2018/03/29,"I Was Prescribed Prazosin for Nightmares Hello, 
about a year ago I was given Prazosin/ minipress to help with my nightly GROTESQUE c-ptsd nightmares (via adrenaline suppression I think) and it so far has helped cut the nightmares in half. I'm on 6mg now but plan to go up to 10mg. Has anyone else been prescribed this medication? I haven't heard of many people being on it for that reason. If so, have you noticed any long-term effects?",4.082857142857144,6.09297204761905,4.401904761904763,84.87642857142858,72.57142857142857,6.704761904761906,29.857142857142854,7.447530270364453,1.8774714285714285,348,15,64,4,7,109,67,84,0.021,0.95,0.03,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,4,1,1,0,2,0,8,1,0,2,0,8,13,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,1,6,0,12,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410912929791602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795973741141235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466518733593956,0.2706021386366856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22062205174725874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500943817301554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3540419523841158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23372060275037515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677564215739391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660534359659801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478403978484554,0.0,0.0,0.30068013239886604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830940106342211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087193132466913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271539266193439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169224915497923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700720420286234
ptsd,emskayss,2018/03/29,"Really rough couple of days. I was involved in a hit and run car vs pedestrian accident on Halloween this past year. The past 5 months have been hell and I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. I experienced a lot of trauma before this and I have been able to make it through, but this one feels almost too much. The police seem to be not on my side, lying and not doing their due diligence. The person could have been found that day if the correct measures were taken. The last couple weeks have been filled with highs (like getting new information) and lows (finding out that new information just opens a deeper problem). I had been holding out hope of being able to see the person who almost killed me in court and telling him how much he has fucked up my life. I fantasized about how he would apologize and how good it would feel letting his family know just what a terrible thing he did to me (he left me in the middle of the street screaming and begging for help and told me he wouldn’t help me) and I thought his family would be so angry with him. And it’s not looking like even if I do face him in court he’s going to be apologetic at all. We are finding out that he is most likely a serial criminal and with that probably holds no guilt whatsoever about almost killing me. I had been so holding onto hope of making him feel bad, I don’t know how to come to terms with just having to heal on my own. Feeling really helpless and distraught and alone and like I can’t relate to any of my support system. I’m desperately looking for someone who understands this pain and struggle living with this PTSD. ",5.868157894736843,6.171720200636948,6.112587998659071,80.6735283271874,66.73885350318471,9.158297016426415,29.583640630238012,8.99025400887824,2.24195796178344,1269,41,247,20,19,406,172,314,0.238,0.6940000000000001,0.068,-0.9968,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,0,13,23,4,3,13,0,34,6,1,6,2,76,60,25,2,10,10,0,5,4,0,4,4,1,0,2,16,28,0,3,14,0,0,5,7,15,0,1,16,10,28,8,39,33,7,38,1,2,3,1,27,20,2,10,16,171,44,0,0.19611230336368804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29456721518280743,0.10155660095431884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668154563237075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187279084614775,0.0,0.0,0.08343856290442045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446669218887143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828985821627173,0.21699453355629586,0.0,0.12647621170351453,0.0,0.0,0.09952492989129408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476516339626638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848772260632495,0.0,0.19832054619216732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792430924004742,0.0,0.0,0.10751350912211864,0.0,0.09065133217408697,0.051230292135351886,0.0,0.055727570705694215,0.08224484778812492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144994307474409,0.10360170790817284,0.0,0.19478376731250496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216969207216846,0.0,0.10777819314887063,0.07992885100092978,0.0,0.0,0.10653829571075116,0.1002690586022194,0.06925995979780585,0.1916211308168504,0.0,0.08658537840704586,0.0,0.16468494267977632,0.0,0.0,0.08336383363873658,0.0,0.0,0.1309064853322545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826748476219245,0.0,0.14416510794314313,0.0,0.0,0.18940648464176213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644538609276918,0.0,0.10433865886221592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872113841303065,0.0,0.17123769889300186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057211161790894,0.09382649438697928,0.22924478796413025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563456327730513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813805751767444,0.08926663775964855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308265911578704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025095800109326,0.0,0.0,0.11127295891058714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570539856976694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514415009905092,0.0,0.0,0.07784563145695439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369685503606598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207991203672227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865473022328369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20896883035904776,0.0,0.0,0.06314494678589122
ptsd,1MadeThisAcc,2018/03/29,"Remission Hi, there really isn't anyone that understands what I have been going through and I just wanted to tell someone that I am in remission for my ptsd! 

I feel like I'm finally gaining control of my own life again, and I hope all of you are able to do the same some day",6.001052631578947,5.0266666491228085,6.93228070175439,79.20263157894739,66.71929824561403,11.108771929824565,33.03508771929825,10.504223727775694,3.180571929824561,217,8,46,5,3,73,46,57,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.8172,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,11,12,2,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,8,2,7,11,4,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,4,34,11,0,0.2902974932920486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029827570627176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255933232239167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721786746095087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678313507217747,0.20738858721202136,0.0,0.31800671427206884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649827553462294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883309125177087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050457046289928,0.1418246917297165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393422348053274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597200769503566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459681240153803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537328045172106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022099284079922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122498289235102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nervous-wreck,2018/03/30,"Anyone experience massive social anxiety as part of their PTSD? One core part of my traumatic experience involved me being made to feel like I was worth less than dirt. I carry that shame around with me and feel it in almost every interaction with others. The experience caused me to become massively dissociated and also extremely physically clumsy. I now have terrible coordination and struggle to move around in a relaxed manner. This feeds into the social anxiety really badly and makes me even more self-conscious. And yes, from the stress of all that extra worry it makes all the anxiety symptoms even worse.

And because I have really severe depression as well it only adds to the anxiety because I have really bad anhedonia and brain fog. (edit: which fucks with my ability to interact with others and get any enjoyment from the conversation)

edit: typo

**edit2: Wow, didn't expect this to blow up. Thank you so much to everyone who has responded. I just want you to know I read and appreciate all your comments. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed right now so am struggling to respond to all of them.**",5.288787878787879,7.998468989898996,6.638383838383838,67.06090909090912,71.22222222222223,9.854545454545457,29.686868686868692,10.125756701596842,3.813492929292929,892,37,134,27,18,301,126,198,0.212,0.655,0.133,-0.9617,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,2,0,12,16,1,5,8,1,8,4,1,4,4,34,20,14,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,17,1,0,4,2,1,1,1,10,1,1,3,3,18,6,29,16,11,10,0,2,0,1,15,7,1,1,3,104,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521168717517458,0.0,0.0,0.09201002039846323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824183731023257,0.0,0.35206925378068404,0.0,0.0,0.08044963694859482,0.0,0.0,0.2048479740315768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921334462412113,0.1402738020971218,0.1270700069764443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256110507325128,0.0,0.0,0.12844023847640568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819392144316462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909732593281294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198644031914413,0.0,0.09693940923920104,0.1099406742703555,0.0,0.3376397247105392,0.0,0.0,0.17452689229782112,0.08219583175399471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636716225842223,0.060111866703102076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323161658876612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056210414742158085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886850736945873,0.15360117752352184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228602550736208,0.08457919514708832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796473581083667,0.08750506222089627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491882725900326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344939835602798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508685906769946,0.0,0.22112292765405886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825695909133284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002821218008836,0.12998021808147633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345696413029371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179594237038034,0.2405624466527681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958695061544602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059278518412932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786284662574964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344891293298804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684467200466578,0.1172516115841302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sleepysucculent04,2018/03/30,"Childhood mental/physical abuse and I can't look at childhood pictures of myself, anyone else have issues with this?

I literally get random urges to burn them all.",5.00436781609195,8.104656103448278,5.269655172413792,74.49919540229888,74.17241379310346,6.625287356321839,26.90804597701149,7.793537801064563,2.1695425287356316,133,5,19,2,3,42,27,29,0.149,0.851,0.0,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,4,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,13,5,0,0.0,0.4569394934796624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696597580618955,0.3951503165729529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221662401861181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014894292458401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025248404509262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32385404926311473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886507078022772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,brags_about_bikes,2018/03/30,"Update to my recovery Its been around six months since i first  [posted ](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/6zrzsb/17_years_worth_of_traumatic_experiences_i_want_to/?st=JFDKV95Z&sh=0a74bffa) in r/raisedbynarcissists detailing some of the messed up shit my parents did to me growing up. At the time I was at my worst with ptsd and was still trying to come off of my opioid addiction. I just wanted tfto give an update about the progression I’ve made since then and I thought this might be a more appropriate sub.

A few days after posting that initial post and after receiving an overwhelming amount of support I finally called the Sexual Assault Service that my doctor had referred me to back and organised an appointment with my current wonderful psychologist Julie, who I’ve been seeing bi-weekly/weekly ever since.  

After the first few sessions of getting to know each other and preparing for the EDMR we got straight into it. The last 3 months have been pretty crazy, but good crazy. We’ve only barely started the processing of childhood memories but I still already feel like I’m reclaiming part of myself, a lot of repressed memories from when I was younger have come up, its been really hard remembering things, especially from such a naive and innocent age, but its still been refreshing in a way to confront it. Usually it’d be later, maybe a day after the Edmr session that old forgotten things come up and I’d start jotting everything coming up in a text document or something to bring up in the next session. 

The nightmares and flashbacks have still been pretty bad, not nearly as bad as before but still ‘ruins your day’ kind of bad, I often feel I’m on the verge of a huge breakdown, but I’m still determined to see this through, and I know I shouldnt expect immediate results even though I’d say I’ve come some ways since I’ve started. 

Theres a few other things I’ve done in the past 6 months that I’m genuinely proud of. Ever since i was like 14 I had this big hole in my front tooth which I was just to embarrassed/scared to get fixed this whole time, made me super self conscious to the point that I refused to even smile, got it all fixed up now. I’ve started getting into drawing and art again lately, started creating this huge sci-fi scavenger hunt adventure thingy for my boyfriend which is going to take me months for sure. I use positive reinforcement for the rest of the hard shit by pampering myself with bathbombs and junkfood whenever I deserve it. 

Anyway if you’ve read this whole thing thank you so much, it kinda feels like a pointless update but I still feel proud of the progression I’ve made even if its small and I just wanted to share that with someone. I hope if you’re in a rough place things start looking up soon and pm me if you ever want to talk.",9.347222388506431,8.784392498054476,8.258910505836575,71.06144866806345,59.817120622568105,11.02053277461838,35.527985633044,10.214889679676881,3.4672247231367863,2280,81,395,40,26,703,260,514,0.092,0.76,0.14800000000000002,0.9845,2,0,2,0,0,0,55.0,1,3,0,7,29,26,4,2,31,0,24,5,3,5,5,77,69,30,0,10,15,1,7,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,32,27,0,2,11,2,0,10,2,12,0,3,21,11,38,14,69,43,16,97,0,2,3,0,14,31,2,13,54,264,70,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134790062602278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222341462602114,0.0,0.0,0.07091280128152266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582625305669717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050325415805474914,0.16393885520450344,0.0,0.0,0.055691365190194304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682965072086508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818879686654429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266254951308538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669887262869463,0.0,0.06697595209228359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968321507774874,0.17760419010902825,0.0,0.0,0.05882037644938054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236975300447865,0.09351202388375247,0.0,0.07169500467690057,0.0,0.11133994610597307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025815213780151,0.06278361501100188,0.03719556501576287,0.054894615795662884,0.10468937159555676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725697415653093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500455868918044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815394430388415,0.07193693785292962,0.053348795513466135,0.07382811207644664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592365331157186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495977498205296,0.0,0.0,0.05564148687637,0.0,0.18578523224494053,0.0,0.0,0.06575123921198099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942990762357283,0.0,0.0,0.20895964286452512,0.0,0.04811175669062258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960461258107042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867658958984359,0.0,0.0,0.04977609748411613,0.0,0.0,0.07267217740748129,0.07087372680810444,0.06247745166288266,0.0,0.0,0.06837915356466848,0.0,0.06186944541098719,0.0,0.18804306702380616,0.13316814090278858,0.0,0.0,0.07650512401012759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546563788085114,0.0,0.041927617761117364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741397426882982,0.0,0.0,0.05204681823297768,0.0,0.0,0.10430704808408614,0.0,0.06827646125475846,0.0,0.13436271257816462,0.2706960066075854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055453815942275664,0.05038501150269133,0.0,0.0,0.27794627644135583,0.0,0.36586759187303297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426953167424087,0.0616838964103031,0.0,0.0492086958152952,0.052604564392128766,0.0,0.060255657738120014,0.0,0.0,0.2174034719010527,0.0,0.06430225572712228,0.051958343229097564,0.07632642480354289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0444348461433396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056525995144560186,0.0720816448932968,0.0,0.11580864866991475,0.1038990357957467,0.052498379074659714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461405458553347,0.0,0.0,0.07097548473048121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sweet-tea-Sarah,2018/03/30,I only feel safe at home. I don't feel safe anywhere else. I worked at the grocery store. My narcissist still works there. We live in a small town. Everyone knows because of him. I can't go into town.,-0.6953310104529642,1.37641417073171,1.0845296167247405,97.71926829268294,102.41463414634146,4.294076655052264,18.052264808362374,6.18269132825596,-0.08178327526132413,155,5,34,2,7,50,33,41,0.0,0.847,0.153,0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,5,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,18,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605254463208275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823705410493437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229905421154691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34182396358227624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921033343763984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390594648945615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576577100682745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29847595525164583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570778073915823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699414924843384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921620426757906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,whosaidthat27,2018/03/31,"Recurring lucid nightmares I had a near death accident in 2009 when i was 13, and I was already depressed but since then the nightmares, unwanted thoughts/memories and constant fear of getting hurt or being outside started to become pretty prevalent. 

A couple years ago I was very suicidal and went from alcohol, to hard drugs like xanax and coke and ended up dropping out of school and getting involved with some serious people and was robbed and beat up, shot at, seen a few people get arrested in front of me and actually drove a guy to jail to turn himself in once. I'm actually nothing like that and have since got my life back on track and cut all those ties but now the nightmares and constant fear seems way worse.

Since mostly sobering up and getting back on track I've been having 3-5 reallly long vivid nightmares every night and I wake up in the night a lot and I remember ALL of them for hours or indefinitely. Car/plane crashes, being chased (usually a real person), family member dying, getting shot are all common ones. Very often they are lucid and so realistice that I can't really tell if i'm dreaming because the ""look at the clock"" and ""pinch yourself"" techniques dont work, the clocks/watch is always right and nothings that illogical. Usually its death/injury related stuff and it's been really affecting me lately.

Anyways I know nightmares are a big thing and I wish all of you the best if you're struggling. It's my first post here so i guess i just wanted to get it out there - sorry its a bit long.",7.430741379310343,7.282443893103455,7.510474137931037,73.49881465517245,63.51724137931035,10.284482758620687,35.021551724137936,9.827888789773867,3.3906034482758622,1219,49,215,22,16,394,179,290,0.163,0.7709999999999999,0.066,-0.98,0,0,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,2,4,11,10,1,3,15,0,17,6,1,1,4,48,37,30,3,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,11,23,2,0,3,1,0,3,2,7,0,2,11,4,19,3,28,24,10,46,0,2,3,0,8,17,0,11,25,139,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.1927517126612634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875450923996762,0.10554478039503767,0.0,0.0,0.10898450328067402,0.0,0.08217652364960534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518812277805819,0.0,0.060203393375713066,0.10907304859336164,0.0,0.0,0.10364289545961447,0.0,0.10782072470453533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134497085830149,0.0,0.0,0.10927645005039864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506214569536934,0.0,0.10249765220274333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574639597123425,0.0,0.1145306529503167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747235745749155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320985530849315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310246957956504,0.22226570401961426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400550420171254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309589243628226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898767471177524,0.0,0.10879566108718793,0.09778827467836244,0.0,0.0,0.08846987608392709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725905208475462,0.0,0.10572499847253404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054276106163288484,0.0,0.1114059777492514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975735667897849,0.0964986379478356,0.0,0.0,0.17479960584921753,0.08293382150168548,0.0,0.0,0.0839625188094406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535979861259247,0.0,0.1895264409412979,0.0,0.0,0.10517655074209063,0.06692256984955072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693598474241878,0.08623372922420518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458511648003402,0.10047478206515237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241090095470206,0.12653681964771096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187622562683454,0.0843408002298418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999507478859879,0.0,0.08990771447040669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450867489964455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055412743768177,0.06990308483180911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324576215046324,0.1130569738130146,0.10802779465981717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632089990809738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656119889078014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742290225804564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175411479788869,0.16297526537150467,0.05825141387665455,0.078391369794504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155183491582006,0.0,0.0,0.11356952980359784,0.0,0.0,0.07189871183758166,0.0,0.10064523511308664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063598428129005
ptsd,notjoanofarc,2018/03/31,"Finally getting the help I've needed my entire life. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, GAD, and MDD for about 6 years now. I've had them all my life, though. My time on this earth has been spent rolling through one trauma to another. I've never had a chance to feel safe. Molestation as a child, a severely abusive father, multiple rapes, sudden death of my best friend, getting expelled from high school, living with violent people in an unsafe environment, an illegal eviction and a robbery while mourning my grandmother and homelessness, capped off with a deeply emotionally abusive relationship that lasted 7 years.

I'm 28 years old now.

I left that relationship 2.5 years ago. It seems my life is finally okay. But, I'm not. I've been numbing myself with alcohol in varying degrees for over 10 years. Sometimes I don't drink. But, within the past 6 months, I've blacked out and have injured myself badly multiple times.

A month ago, I was drinking with a girl I knew from my local haunt. It turns out that two of her best friends are people who traumatized me while living in that unsafe environment. We spent hours talking about them. She left. I realized I was going to kill myself if I didn't get help.

It was 5am. I walked to the gas station and bought a pack of cigarettes, knowing it would be my last one for a while. I smoked, ordered an Uber, and cried on my way to the hospital. I spent a week and one day in psych.

I have my first therapy appointment on the 9th.

Things aren't going well for me even now. Everything is a trigger. I'm nearly always panicking. My dreams are awful since I haven't had a drink since the morning I went to the hospital. My body feels like I've been beaten.

But, I'm holding on. My therapy appointment is coming. I know I can beat this. I will beat this.

I'm strong.

I will never stop fighting.",2.8131187122736416,5.215618239436623,3.888531187122741,85.24929577464792,77.8732394366197,7.324748490945676,25.635814889336014,8.329178653251315,1.8595054325955729,1445,55,277,29,35,467,190,355,0.189,0.708,0.103,-0.9869,2,0,6,0,2,1,53.0,1,0,2,7,8,19,6,0,22,2,27,12,1,1,3,37,51,16,3,3,5,1,2,1,2,3,7,0,0,2,13,16,4,3,7,4,4,5,7,10,1,5,17,3,40,9,38,30,3,56,0,1,1,1,17,18,0,2,32,171,53,4,0.0,0.217259067177448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254315075401798,0.0979813983902642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628772045289615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613777056191733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655159569409142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924316066098224,0.0,0.0,0.10183930458061148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897691043915347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070962865622866,0.059128043170298926,0.0,0.0,0.09305646131983072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694437311643423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313119686914002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055585197638376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239889813022575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927155048278686,0.06549845644544243,0.0,0.2008688057922215,0.0,0.07798563551277236,0.0,0.0,0.14166833936300766,0.0,0.14370197608892826,0.0,0.10421128723198814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290655774979738,0.09686827546781936,0.0,0.0,0.09028942874965556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143381492969487,0.0,0.10077331652314432,0.1494679984126703,0.0,0.0,0.19922800859476786,0.0,0.19427554815593995,0.044791753099944334,0.0,0.16191579186036648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636122178289535,0.0,0.0,0.06798188961778225,0.14142338559243986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962060369405276,0.0,0.1863806136083658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752193518238165,0.12712309623262905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071726891305399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686677055273752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927882365320861,0.0,0.08346489098666238,0.0,0.10357585623391334,0.0,0.151682488410543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067697382085832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665121374508609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369143831070411,0.0,0.0,0.20969533102712828,0.0,0.06091020702578619,0.0,0.09007822355170718,0.0,0.10692235721143027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972493327466198,0.08956110967817266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277381226665519,0.0735426879339603,0.0,0.08243415722525836,0.08499119309047727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512907503207738,0.0,0.0,0.2952046941676902
ptsd,andgonow,2018/03/31,"Flexibility My boyfriend, who I love, despite the fact that he is incredibly messy and disorganized, and somewhat relies on me to keep his life together, just told me that I need a routine. And he's right. I absolutely do, it would solve about 50% of my stress. But the reason I don't is that anything that would mess with that routine, as life occasionally does, would fuck me up for like a week. Every routine I've started in the evenings I've dropped, because when something eventually disrupts my routine, I lose it. The few things I do have as routine in life are the same way. If I miss church or therapy, it's the end of the world. I can't step out without makeup if I'm going to meet people I know, I *need* my makeup. Does anyone else have this? Any advice? ",2.287373068432672,4.584769172185427,3.7307019867549687,86.24514790286976,79.13245033112581,6.1458719646799125,25.960706401766004,7.3011,1.2744380573951442,599,24,121,8,15,197,95,151,0.123,0.805,0.07200000000000001,-0.7617,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,9,0,12,5,0,1,1,22,23,10,0,7,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,0,18,2,15,19,3,15,1,2,0,2,7,7,1,4,5,78,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508082684839553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148812450933653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11812292218187825,0.17309334707619875,0.13901868976673684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029808961093386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956714183816866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112308782238928,0.0,0.14962581427183835,0.0,0.0,0.11157963630084798,0.0,0.14233459252570807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561772123121841,0.0,0.0,0.0960093628302282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015673532278248,0.0,0.0,0.09284197678258932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579702753392284,0.08253285780073387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18899448070314945,0.0,0.0,0.15246997138518892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505255651115196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711790339112242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369279003054128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442691300147157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005402252975828,0.0,0.0,0.1195727003602902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935138856431554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319131022314573,0.0,0.11223256754107083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142414315379028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13409233360479067,0.13550905658892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284681833509854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600186406851609,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PureEdge7778,2018/03/31,"A Horror Story come true I had a friend in Secondry School/Middle School that meant everything to me, we used to play games together, have sleepovers and we knew eachother since we were 9 This all changed though, About two years ago she told me she found something amazing down near the bridges where we always used to play. We played there alot because thats exactly where we met. Our parents had known eachother for a long time aswell so one day they assigned a playdate and we were friends ever since. She led me to the bridge, i was clueless, i had no idea. She walked me up to the top of the bridge and she looked me in the eyes. she looked at me for a breif moment and i'm pretty sure i saw tears She told me that she didn't want me to forget her and then handed me her 10th birthday gift that i made for her when we were younger. I was Confused, Anxious and Full with fear. It was then i realised what she was doing, but it was too late I ran towards her and the last image i have of her in my mind is her stood on the ledge slowly losing her balance. From there i kept the present, which was a photo frame with a picture of us together when we were young, and put it in her coffin alongside her. I wen't through a TON of therapy after that, but nothing has ever fixed the scar she has left deep inside me Yet nobody still knows, why she did it. To this day i've been running into walls, hallucinating images of her stood on the ledge Furthermore that bridge has been recently closed to the public

It's like a horror story come true, please help me",3.26370607028754,4.848191127795528,3.467879872204473,92.49908498402559,73.82428115015975,6.030364217252396,23.70210862619809,6.360717304075467,0.4469382492012777,1225,35,260,8,25,376,173,313,0.07400000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.107,0.8654,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,11,0,1,2,14,13,0,2,21,0,24,2,2,4,7,48,45,16,1,1,2,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,15,23,0,1,6,4,0,7,2,3,0,2,29,5,56,10,34,16,4,48,0,1,4,0,42,20,0,2,22,181,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542040419731794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083424246314804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470965357339864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937281013710641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774144871378322,0.2243231260832968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167945129904372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355588718417073,0.0,0.0,0.11702140734304906,0.0,0.0,0.1465187636105585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427649517074154,0.2011947832361919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872748221513846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698754206394146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155821005960203,0.10613585814798188,0.14687885556293692,0.0,0.14146998610992792,0.0,0.0,0.06361242812778746,0.0,0.0,0.11522885296950792,0.21868170875077314,0.14566801805535814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320475008388646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147167301460302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493686293490405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823144564968162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457915756839318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429278821057101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246704800599662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089372049974612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856343124320208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635523112627983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21541669446895595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023949710887556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398325761685576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227182960066305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489027360006632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279274447860105,0.0,0.07592458759304709,0.0,0.0,0.24883620846505702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127193049125258,0.0,0.15662265649201526,0.22491360656201487,0.0,0.0,0.07679929908593702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749131563785987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384886096700245
ptsd,Kitten_Stars,2018/03/31,"Stimulant prescription for ptsd? Hi everyone, 

I've tried a variety of methods to help ptsd symptoms. Issues like uncomfortable feelings in my body (skin crawly too), intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, dis organization and lack of focus, anxiety, dissociation. 

anti depressants, antipsychotic and anxiety medications haven't worked for me. They make me feel disconnected from my emotions, foggy, tired and my thoughts are loopy and slow. 

I've recently been experimenting with stimulants like aderall and caffeine to help. I've found aderall to really help my symptoms a lot. I'm able to do my job without having to sneak off to the bathroom to calm down, I have less intrusive thoughts and my anxiety levels are way down. I'm only using 10 mg when I can get some. 

I'd like to bring this up with my psychiatrist but I don't want to be seen as med seeking, it truly has helped a lot and I'd honestly like to function better. 

Have any of you noticed stimulant medications helping or had luck getting prescriptions for ptsd? 


Thank you!",6.006557377049184,8.410055448087434,6.642316939890713,69.17003278688526,68.2896174863388,10.34448087431694,35.69726775956285,10.504223727775694,4.497189726775956,829,43,132,25,15,271,117,183,0.07200000000000001,0.735,0.193,0.9796,1,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,2,2,10,0,0,4,0,13,7,2,5,0,29,29,11,0,2,3,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,7,4,15,9,26,21,5,11,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,5,7,76,17,2,0.11699455973782745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956031253612375,0.0,0.2685015539137379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347218062605716,0.0,0.1299545813332006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076724286838304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316031326678223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179331552120557,0.0,0.11444312891950345,0.0,0.0,0.1183119293932796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282784960440191,0.0,0.0,0.12224965738127287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3920949362639456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211192422540748,0.11609904798307695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286305290576997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892918184810535,0.0,0.0,0.07809477710264483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299545813332006,0.23571942096784115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319908169623734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897963465739027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102811386134745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494971078496908,0.0,0.11551801341225128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24320428796890176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771287189176627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786418360380919,0.0,0.134468035823634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943162633738787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104573582156336,0.0,0.0,0.06900642255789102,0.09286483587138146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127785806266654,0.0,0.08517343288761979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,the_pho_king_queen,2018/03/31,"I need help sleeping, the flash backs swarm at night Hi hello, ptsd isnt a new thing to me, i developed it about 3 yrs ago when my son passed away, i couldnt sleep for months.  I still have night terrors, but it got better. 
Now on wednesday while i was delivering food for work, i got flagged down and had to do cpr on a woman over dosing on heroin, she died on me multiple times and im pretty sure she didnt make it. 
Every time i close my eyes i see her.. ive taken pain pills (from surgery a few weeks ago) the passed two days to help me sleep and got on eye bleach.  But i really dont want to rely on medication
Any suggestions to help me sleep... also during the day i zone out often.  Its flarring up my sons death ptsd also.",1.6203496503496488,3.0828448311688352,3.2053246753246762,93.18128371628372,77.96103896103895,6.2969030969030975,18.98901098901099,7.010146845296331,0.004378221778222002,560,11,131,6,13,185,103,154,0.146,0.732,0.121,-0.625,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,6,0,9,11,6,1,1,13,17,9,2,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,7,3,21,2,21,9,1,32,0,0,3,0,12,13,0,1,17,76,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228657638573705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105787024847332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548599981717668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810714821850865,0.09666197418120456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117883442282606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214299335789767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046543744259032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473292690931137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591472037704533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520070555324496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30162139265768384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25277900436519785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578660728323635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391131065615105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266379538706097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033921866417574,0.0,0.0,0.09321116077700964,0.0,0.12140992352460928,0.0,0.23593757213509195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376256485707275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789060151495046,0.0,0.0,0.2938927062374033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053199840752504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017329243531772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031966055715746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039086372258954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847864755367114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351505278777091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466031186353571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279880774887884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414605144354422,0.0,0.10083566884543817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151718785611143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DesolateFate,2018/03/31,"Question About Memory I have a lot of problems about memory, but I keep flipping between ""it's normal"" and ""it's not normal"" so does this sound familiar? For the most part, I have no emotional connection or recall of the majority of my life. Some of it however is that my brain is not reciting things as a memory as much as it is a fact, I can't specifically place it in the timeline of events, it is just something that happened. This can be extremely frustrating and distressing when the content is trauma related, but it is especially frustrating when it's something neutral that I feel obligated or entitled to remember. The rest of my life is in the void and I'm only 19. Also does anybody have fevered episodes that are dedicated to frantically proving your existence from your childhood? I don't remember anything but bits and pieces. ",6.780000000000001,7.781929820512822,7.664512820512821,67.89715384615387,64.8974358974359,11.881025641025643,38.67692307692308,11.602472056035307,5.086589230769231,676,36,113,22,10,227,92,156,0.151,0.797,0.052000000000000005,-0.953,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,7,6,2,2,9,0,15,4,1,0,2,25,19,16,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,15,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,2,11,0,18,18,9,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,6,4,92,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460824626708243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032321377501615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994301441322341,0.0,0.0,0.20392198872911768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197144060782769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054810336138515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923642813349391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153594805101765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623669670715454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25805279522828445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530091523459974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428469056191253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579588891765981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389300309904696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978156094901193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908530078492585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479211086546131,0.0,0.0,0.20463406860788813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138627682733698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812591409665178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213589357754982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,everydaysurvivors,2018/03/31,"Looking for people like me I am a survivor of the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. I wasn’t physically injured in the attack, but I’ve suffered its psychological consequences ever since. It took me nearly five years to get professional help - I finally made myself see a psychologist a month ago and am now getting EMDR treatment for my PTSD.

A huge reason why it took me so long to get medical treatment was the lack of resources for people like me - a survivor of mass violence (a bombing, mass shooting, vehicle-ramming attack, etc.) - especially because I wasn’t physically injured. Consequently, I doubted whether I qualified for treatment and was afraid I’d be dismissed by a therapist. I wasn’t looking for a diagnosis from the internet, but I wished there were stories more similar to mine so I could understand that my reactions were typical, legitimate, and worthy of professional treatment.

I know I can’t be alone in feeling this way and I want to help other survivors of mass violence never feel the way I did —  but I can’t do it alone. 

If you’re a survivor of a mass violence event anywhere (whether it was publicized in the media or not), who has suffered traumatic stress and/or PTSD from the event and are interested in sharing your story to help others, I would love to hear from you.",9.133227848101264,8.527793177215191,9.339504219409283,63.279889240506364,60.26582278481013,12.456962025316455,43.800632911392405,11.698219412168324,5.4468202531645575,1041,57,167,27,12,346,132,237,0.204,0.627,0.16899999999999998,-0.9267,0,2,0,1,0,0,28.0,0,2,0,0,5,12,2,3,17,0,20,4,0,2,2,27,37,14,0,6,8,0,2,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,10,5,0,0,5,1,0,2,7,7,0,1,12,6,25,5,26,21,3,24,0,2,3,1,10,10,0,3,12,121,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792471042345737,0.0,0.0,0.27556175744917594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30268587429424754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109498243406632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621510919918786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836568074957154,0.0,0.12033492666565765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345298034137043,0.0,0.0,0.1457298917011911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085109564931522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499365660562405,0.0,0.2675053393124383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731108269667244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299852867172102,0.0,0.0,0.11772900305934055,0.2234265020875833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200664406539694,0.1258779552668934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401559557948156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618475534592592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026023656840008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445507229095615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110142327719023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677890063702206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600916262902696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004532297513958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238753739642902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446023400465178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956065656695955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849084991407565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846563325104061,0.21118898454093676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12004055496270398,0.0,0.15298006487759472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450201103740448,0.0,0.0,0.08566815129122783
ptsd,anonsanon123,2018/04/01,"Destructive behaviour I’m not really good at talking but right now I just feel so alone. I thought I’d been doing better but recently I’ve been really self-destructive, It’s really frustrating because it just makes me feel so much worse. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I’ll never get over what happened to me :(",1.9455952380952368,4.708132825396825,3.589186507936507,83.35616071428574,85.82539682539681,8.229365079365081,22.160714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.2602714285714294,260,9,48,8,8,86,45,63,0.274,0.631,0.095,-0.9238,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,12,12,4,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,5,3,3,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21671891856595374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631180710372052,0.21440038851523985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755628398456076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850637879475943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18311526134502248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480073826448672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42321044517341133,0.14948756932246662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932399671770617,0.0,0.0,0.1755081826565003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503825152461825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222852048704503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967537150656087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382213462636227,0.0,0.16138577384016226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021509153335675,0.0,0.20660820144026806,0.0,0.0,0.17869755278516952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182924037148717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681864671439929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661203792358462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609216302880928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324266743005185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ritakcheung,2018/04/01,"Travel with PTSD? Hello guys, 

I am doing my master thesis of the effects of travelling to PTSD. If any of you who have travel experience while having PTSD, it would be very helpful if you can share your experience with me! 

This research is for developing future therapies with tourism activities :)

If you are interested, kindly inbox me and we could talk about it :D",6.079545454545452,8.060710287878791,7.079212121212122,67.8188181818182,67.33333333333334,9.522424242424243,29.86666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.2668884848484847,293,11,46,7,5,98,52,66,0.0,0.764,0.236,0.9553,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,4,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,0,11,10,5,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,3,9,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,11,0,0,3,2,38,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217260885036384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692284624741852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090149393542603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700902421421866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013308452088247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21771092409038428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7331637845476134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680399930210611,0.0,0.0,0.23908613246071844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250202422823585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851507264268884,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BushBann76,2018/04/01,What physical symptoms do you experience from PTSD Been dealing with a lot of physical symptoms for the past 10 weeks after a traumatic event. I think I may have PTSD. For everyone with physical symptoms from PTSD what are they?,4.9474390243902455,7.843667097560978,5.387987804878048,74.68978658536588,73.14634146341461,9.953658536585364,34.640243902439025,10.125756701596842,4.441239024390244,185,10,30,6,4,59,29,41,0.093,0.907,0.0,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,8,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609129887919985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817474489726284,0.0,0.18605537045387996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170408381996326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157061659764875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6670126022914131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5930823150490779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121874624635289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152569652014569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,FuschiaGnox,2018/04/01,"Seek out scary movies/books when triggered? Does anyone else do this? Normally I'm a pretty conscientious person when it comes to scary things. I know when to stop and it's getting too much for me. But when I'm struggling against my PTSD, it seems like I go out of my way to watch, read, expose myself to scary things.

I have a theory. When I'm exposed to scary things in real life, I immerse myself in scary literature or movies because I can be scared of them, but then let them go. I think I'm trying to do that to real life scary events. At least, that's how it would work in theory. It's funny how I always forget it just makes me feel worse.

This is my first post _ever_ on Reddit, lol. So sorry if I've not formatted or done something exactly right.",2.53788211788212,4.228270350649351,3.741688311688314,89.33582917082916,76.01298701298701,6.556643356643357,20.28771228771229,7.321109707123232,0.42587172827172814,590,13,125,7,13,192,95,154,0.196,0.7340000000000001,0.071,-0.9331,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,2,11,3,0,2,2,1,9,2,0,4,2,27,22,15,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,13,4,0,1,4,1,0,3,1,2,0,1,1,2,16,1,18,18,2,23,0,0,1,0,3,8,0,4,11,80,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366030551593133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231898520111884,0.16458845353257207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979209583749805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837191510420668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057184267111406,0.16438429069557178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418904408962273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530259445662405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122134616021459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663514660825735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392460330121204,0.0,0.18258393889533525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882802120339524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16425908609586815,0.2269210035083015,0.0784776287506103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722440174691313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180844280766426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738715458364333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402593597537843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384291041425693,0.16342246509157826,0.0,0.0,0.18777247880930853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606774090071759,0.3656731800676198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718050637242948,0.0,0.0,0.1608225959383658,0.0,0.0,0.14623510524238867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366385424646142,0.0,0.17981654361986046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429716586775028,0.0,0.16792947060035887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32015415449982043,0.10292774211359232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905990041582844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275037440281897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694342086542164,0.0,0.16369970736773198,0.11410974158196907,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,QuiteUnimportant,2018/04/02,"Longest flashback? How long was the longest flashback you've ever had?  

My reality suddenly completely changed, and it was hard for me to process it in the first couple of days, but now I realized that I'm not where I was anymore. I was doing good, actually. Better than ever, which is still bad but I was getting better and I could feel it. I feel like I'm completely back to the time my trauma was happening, like my personality changed to the personality I used to have back then, my perception of world and things around me, everything is the same as it was.  

Feeling this is very frustrating, it feels traumatic, honestly. I'm trying to write this calmly, but I feel like my world is falling apart right now. I feel trapped in here, in this distorted world. Also, I don't know if it's important to mention, but sounds feel louder and everything around me makes me feel some horror.  

It's here for more than a week and I don't know what to do. I don't know what even is this. My cognition is bad as well, I can't seem to process anything, all of a sudden, and before this happened I could process things very fast and I was very logical. Can a flashback last for such a long time? Did I fall into psychosis? Am I dissociated?  

**WHAT HAPPENED?!**  

Edit: wording",2.081608465608465,4.625956722448978,3.553786848072562,85.74563114134543,81.77551020408163,6.8949357520786085,25.80876795162509,8.045849151850463,1.8029606953892667,987,41,194,20,27,324,120,245,0.151,0.7170000000000001,0.131,-0.8552,0,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,3,17,13,1,0,9,0,27,0,0,3,3,43,48,17,0,3,6,0,9,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,19,10,0,0,15,0,0,2,5,4,1,1,10,10,27,9,24,36,4,33,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,3,22,140,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.10306893861485256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446350100308785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474569816041417,0.0,0.0,0.08691546326189696,0.18804666040901769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16242903086807398,0.17637495849954535,0.0,0.0,0.08987401624786126,0.0,0.0,0.18682289991810566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234618606176783,0.0,0.2214790892221548,0.0,0.0,0.1686564040522129,0.1168654489943427,0.0,0.0681155374082276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697603739177423,0.19107692084801567,0.0,0.0,0.1898471495774262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272332449248185,0.15090851382789452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983949388913615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055181584479463364,0.0,0.0,0.08858823221679933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801956811404476,0.0,0.09461390616416976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413637193133313,0.08609360712215564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548003707008487,0.0,0.0,0.18693903775407664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050152339739156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844449280626416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019807545776573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961515991304012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843474946616588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033718224897754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317461278795493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717083890944169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122093144420194,0.0,0.2614402859055481,0.0,0.0,0.08472121589817118,0.0,0.09496419328507966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,WendyRunningMouth,2018/04/02,"Something in an article I read I thought I'd share [This article](http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2466-the-terrifying-things-you-learn-in-military-intelligence.html) 

excerpt: ""I have crazy bad depression and anxiety thanks to all this,"" Gwen says. ""I hate using the phrase PTSD, because I refuse to believe I compare to people who have actually been in hell fighting for their lives, but a lot of intel people who have done real life collection do suffer from PTSD.""

A quick note here: Gwen almost certainly already knows this, but maybe you're struggling with something similar. If so, you should know that that's not how PTSD works. Nobody ""earns"" it, and strangely, every single person with PTSD that we've spoken to, from active-duty soldiers to survivors of horrific attacks, feels the same way -- as if they don't ""deserve"" to have this disorder. And they're right. They don't deserve it. Neither do you.

Anyone else?

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ptsd,AlephOmegaInCardinal,2018/04/02,"Afraid of people... I have experienced what can be tracted as emotional abuse since 2 years old. My father left me, and I was tossed around between parents and grandparents.  My grandma made me entitled, weak, soft and useless. People outside my family bullied me for the way I behaved. My mother would often tell me things like ""i will buy you the worst clothing"", ""i will make you look ugly in front of your classmates"". When having conversations, people would randomly dump me and yell at me, which lead to me developing borderline personality disorder. When I talk on anxiety/depression groups, I message people tens of times to make sure they don't dump me. Except it is unacceptable to do this in real life, which makes me forever alone. I have social anxiety from being humiliated all the time.I already lost 2 online friends to my BPD.

I am a pre-SRS closeted trans lesbian. I am a girl, but I live in a homotransphobic shithole country and everyone treats me like a boy. I call myself my self-picked name, but my real name sounds disgusting and is often used in a negative context, which makes it worse.

I feel always ready to act violently, get nightmares often. I am unable to remember stuff all the time. 

I feel like I am a 6'1"" two year old toddling around, making funny noises and getting beaten for it.

help please",5.259495254529766,7.197905959016397,6.1512079378774835,73.83468938740293,69.327868852459,9.071268334771355,30.465056082830024,9.549672527348893,3.0890852459016402,1050,43,177,24,19,346,154,244,0.189,0.7040000000000001,0.107,-0.962,2,1,0,0,1,0,40.0,0,3,1,3,7,16,5,1,10,0,19,3,0,8,3,37,32,12,0,2,3,3,3,3,1,4,2,2,1,3,10,9,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,10,0,2,3,7,38,6,23,23,3,21,0,2,1,1,21,9,0,4,11,120,48,2,0.0,0.13517315834642604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815860539530905,0.125896648355344,0.0,0.09492862369923342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727541563830274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031213107567416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368722099986822,0.0,0.11649447869616365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982620347168198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307523469200262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833130313923918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090139844870141,0.0,0.0,0.1075500508864651,0.0,0.11537053691784635,0.08150300320782476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814249788594714,0.0,0.11921036773237975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646938656400554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395468462003555,0.0,0.08058225839130832,0.16720985171443145,0.0,0.10073995647809801,0.0,0.09580343854458856,0.0,0.1245382572015991,0.0,0.0,0.10795085487936383,0.3807661835545828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394279609904161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12667891170283327,0.0,0.0,0.3163712454404725,0.09961542382360776,0.0,0.12523207951725124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597095044302707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292371063140162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11901649455439416,0.0,0.0,0.09437305098779583,0.0,0.0,0.11629622706897452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060108224377648,0.0,0.0,0.10752462834618573,0.0,0.0,0.09169794005801274,0.09971612159812167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579361511743468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19957325017384664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114453653648562,0.0,0.0,0.09853360396348004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905560921050919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626329792081636,0.16208672690427722,0.0,0.0,0.1469351825458986
ptsd,kid-madi,2018/04/02,"Getting reminded of the past I was diagnosed with PTSD about 2 years ago, and I’ve probably had depression since I was around 10 years old. My parents would stay up all night fighting with each other and drag me and my brother into it. There would be glasses being thrown or blood or hearing my brother being hit upstairs. Or being scared awake out of my sleep by my stepmom getting angry at me. Then we moved away from my stepmom and then my dad wouldn’t feed me and take me to the doctors or dentist and the only way I ever was able to get clothes or buy food was when I started working when I turned 16. And I was also covered head to toe with flea bites. My stepmom followed so the prior began again. And now that they have been living separately I had to move back in with my dad (after I couldn’t afford college) and he’s gotten to the point that he won’t even clean up after his dog so the house smells of urine or clean his clothes and all he does is play video games and yell at people. He will smoke weed and go to work and come home and never clean his dishes or anything. He’s turned into this monster who doesn’t care about anyone and will get rid of everyone if they inconvenience him even a little and he’s obsessed with money and making music. 

Now I have these bad nights a lot when people poke at me about my past, since today someone poked fun at me about an identity issue I used to have and now I’m just in a horrible place. It feels like anxiety is slowly pulling me into my bed. ",5.355882352941176,5.286424588235295,5.732156862745099,84.24470588235295,67.82352941176471,8.10718954248366,28.764705882352942,7.3871296695380915,1.5288705882352938,1188,36,243,10,18,381,174,306,0.086,0.851,0.062,-0.7533,3,0,1,0,2,0,16.0,1,0,2,2,21,9,1,2,10,0,25,11,5,2,4,52,45,34,0,5,9,5,1,1,0,6,3,2,5,0,8,31,3,0,1,3,2,6,5,5,0,0,10,4,35,4,38,23,4,51,0,1,0,0,22,17,0,9,27,165,43,4,0.11629510686547798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308859539102032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300115494405788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896543843838534,0.0,0.0,0.08131624271626002,0.0,0.09570096396500001,0.10352730110472412,0.0,0.0,0.1092630811009373,0.08942375871101209,0.09710155658281516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857061211193146,0.0,0.0,0.10017793709211073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001648051343468,0.11803708547569207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903296972243245,0.10177063171687528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15362364255874694,0.10519558218034404,0.0,0.11112495832728132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058802300308172614,0.08308124758155856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062450484223907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430375737347462,0.0,0.06609318925344054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935233078312338,0.0,0.13107303750831292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166534743095003,0.0,0.0,0.13418893924282901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138187715023598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681591492172425,0.1165582489000025,0.1026907099873439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988699411046526,0.0,0.0,0.077627886879011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472065880749037,0.0,0.0,0.08969395578058151,0.0,0.0,0.21827015949331768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220321517126792,0.0,0.0,0.08844766922941498,0.0,0.0,0.12913195357609913,0.0,0.2220336771374568,0.1612487683619642,0.0,0.1215036345226766,0.0,0.10993646588836252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125385794701357,0.0,0.1359427565602634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11643168981776822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924010283191962,0.0,0.11637909380083405,0.0,0.0985364666552334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823142752070154,0.12395511036226575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743944725821473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023416327854596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529913625780753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004416331152714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923096427381618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693284457322118,0.0,0.0,0.16522541449522776,0.0,0.0,0.14978047187303284
ptsd,kanelisokeri,2018/04/02,"Feeling emotionally unsafe around my boyfriend I have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and being involved in a life threatening situation. I have been with my partner for 7 years and while he is amazing and kind in many ways, he sometimes behaves in a way that makes me feel unsafe. He is a funny guy and likes to joke around, so sometimes he sneaks up behind me when I’m cooking etc and scares me by poking my back, blowing into my neck etc. I have told him several times that although it might be funny for him to watch me jump, it is a huge trigger for me. He acts like a hurt child if I tell him to stop and I feel bad for not being able to relax and have fun. 

He also likes to monitor my mood all the time, so if I’m looking sad, upset etc. he keeps asking me what’s up and if I tell him that I’m just having a moment and don’t want to talk about it, he gets offended that I don’t want to share my thoughts. I have told him many times that I can’t talk if I’m having a flashback and that often talking about my trauma makes me feel worse and more unsafe. He still keeps pushing me into talking. If I do share, he is quite critical and tells me what I should do instead of offering support, so I don’t feel safe sharing because I don’t feel accepted. I’m about to finish grad school and he is telling me that I don’t have the capacity to make long term plans because I don’t even know how to make short term plans or handle my life. That feels really hurtful because I’m working really hard to improve my life and deal with my issues. It is as if he blames me for having these symptoms and not being able to be “normal”. It puts a lot of pressure on me. 

I don’t know how to help him understand that these issues are real and that I’m setting boundaries to feel more safe and they are not something that he can jokingly break. ",7.56509495136637,5.0866548687664075,7.799932067315114,79.05871236683652,64.61679790026247,10.539509031959241,34.48525551953065,8.4952907291091,2.56510795121198,1439,46,307,15,17,473,174,381,0.112,0.74,0.14800000000000002,0.8888,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,4,19,26,1,3,10,0,36,6,1,7,1,68,69,34,0,10,11,0,9,3,1,2,4,0,0,3,20,23,1,5,13,4,0,4,11,9,0,0,4,11,45,16,40,58,9,35,0,3,2,0,41,12,0,10,18,200,65,3,0.1688987591944971,0.10005870555799548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753413835319919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035570429948655,0.07894877009515283,0.0,0.0,0.06493636016117507,0.07051170451076022,0.15443867391504015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706360220494881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499418547116087,0.0,0.0,0.28255014430881226,0.0557780187629149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416011499545125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044121315319958006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361816291382275,0.0,0.0,0.07565005657051856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056604639027513476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080961496493508,0.0,0.0,0.1762864233237959,0.0,0.1501249776012858,0.0,0.08794103342987618,0.0928223409691473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894728282319694,0.12377310350485525,0.0,0.0,0.07473504347656745,0.07091620974194655,0.0,0.0,0.07179584259518793,0.0,0.0,0.22548246656537185,0.17123683211471896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958744632788421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274246170426179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871680556202264,0.08489495157039198,0.0,0.08982231028127874,0.0,0.09612188230374527,0.10820087003989756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08454856129023082,0.08546728068961691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540376138466804,0.0,0.0,0.0949246409576094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501325823735711,0.16704519157344755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744138363407345,0.07060346273620262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583215519653257,0.0,0.08777524049147609,0.0,0.2715088497384956,0.29524992010029577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704337431297637,0.14772933710122982,0.0,0.0,0.16139000240765522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791478242806751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962086418887174,0.13406397345846552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148015413405365,0.0,0.08606113252193645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054382631678958265
ptsd,MyTraumaAlt,2018/04/02,"Help, I feel like rediscovering experiences I've normalized will never end I was sexually abused by an older boy when I was a pre-teen and I started going to therapy because I realized that our relationship wasn't normal. It hasn't been long since I acknowledged my abuse, but now it feels like every time I turn around, I'm experiencing new flashbacks and realizations about my childhood. 

It feels like I'm going crazy.  I know that being victimized once comes with a whole lot of other risk factors including repeated victimization and childhood abuse but I thought it was just that one thing. Realizing that I grew up in a toxic household and that a significant portion of my relationships have been, at best shitty, at worst abusive is tearing me apart. I thought I was just a normal, anxious, person. Could I really have been this in denial until my 20s?

I just feel like I'm making things up or that I'm going crazy. That this stuff couldn't have really happened to me. Does anyone know the feeling? Or, at the very least, have help for me to feel better? I just don't know how to cope if all of this is really true, it seems easier to be crazy than deal with all of this compounded and complex trauma. ",5.9981884057971016,6.939400413043479,6.756086956521743,73.93514492753627,66.6086956521739,9.959420289855073,30.11594202898551,10.047579312681364,2.9688637681159418,965,34,175,22,15,319,130,230,0.202,0.653,0.145,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,3,0,23.0,1,0,0,2,9,12,2,1,8,0,21,0,0,2,4,46,45,13,0,6,9,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,20,9,0,0,16,0,0,5,5,5,0,1,10,7,23,7,24,30,8,27,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,5,17,122,43,0,0.0,0.4800345129661138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442557115852303,0.0,0.07082228198423579,0.0,0.0,0.09016697607991593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174366438391221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629454245376313,0.0895801920196641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872498515959815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086949226762906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442253287322396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886370070284262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897102900499251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533873410654147,0.0,0.0,0.09907820055508328,0.0,0.0,0.30728274853612075,0.2894380432383987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269134665546865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956783110508941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578119053042176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669941922757264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979350060144428,0.0,0.0,0.0896358792488613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611065409295318,0.0,0.0,0.06760991298588782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811884091520753,0.09782369386123288,0.0,0.0,0.2977195018988187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786743547078737,0.06863474732582947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843997218835215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466129282226746,0.0,0.0,0.2174888384389249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220795434472713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378571996511057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169151715950506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594947487108895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583060422819995,0.0,0.13458127176992465,0.0,0.0,0.1608212566635727,0.0590613113827564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017125866599904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357244935662257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308340861797145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,hypnotiqa,2018/04/02,"Anyone have success in relationships? Recently diagnosed with PTSD after abusive relationships and other trauma. Starting therapy and treatment.

I’ve been too afraid to seek out a real relationship with someone after those experiences...I feel worthless--the ones who wanted to be with me only used and hurt me.

And when I muster up the courage to put myself out there, I just get rejected for someone else...

Anyone have advice on how to cope with PTSD while dating? How did you meet your partner/explain having PTSD to them?",5.975760869565217,8.660921358695656,6.08195652173913,71.94076086956524,69.1086956521739,8.078260869565218,31.06521739130435,8.841846274778883,3.0643217391304343,423,18,62,8,8,134,68,92,0.142,0.789,0.069,-0.8095,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,1,6,6,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,3,0,17,11,8,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,1,2,1,8,2,17,8,0,13,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,7,48,11,1,0.0,0.1862206221176846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358460003085542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197936865731898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595241325867934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129527766556373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946982012446516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211478193439972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825362069127175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650238681324396,0.11953478566743908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511695811787787,0.15799915267668405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889374664507607,0.0,0.0,0.1551863078234716,0.5062249363800415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266339079925532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124565892991213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973746967785512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574432419897622,0.0,0.0,0.09270287478584444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ladorkycuriosia,2018/04/03,"I don't know how to cope. Any tips? Hi, I'm a 17/F.  I hope I don't trigger anyone, but here's my story. A couple of weeks ago I was shopping with my mom and sister. I hate shopping, so I always suggest splitting up to save time. It was a couple minutes after when I just heard a really loud bang, and all of a sudden people were screaming and running, and people were just yelling that there was a shooter.  I just ran to the back of the store where an employee helped us take cover inside a bathroom. The call kept dropping for her and my sister's phones. I found them later when we were evacuated, nearly 30 mins or so later but those were the longest 30 mins of my life. It turns out a disgruntled man had shot his ex-wife and wounded another. I'm haunted by that day and sometimes I'll just be getting ready to go to sleep or even doing homework and I'm just overcome with the feelings of panic and fear for my mom and sister. In that moment, I know it's not happening but like I said it's more like I'm haunted by it and remember what I felt. It's really hard because my mom and sister seemed to be shaken up the couple days after, but now they're fine, and they've assured me that while they understand what I'm feeling, they aren't haunted by it. My sister is 15, and she says the situation was scary but she knows it will most likey never happen again, so she feels safe. My mom says she's just happy we weren't harmed, and that she didn't have time to panic (her job's made her a very level-headed person). It's hard. We went on vacation last week and we were at the beach and some kids starting shrieking with laughter but it still rattled me to the core. I was reading in study hall, and down the hall some classmates started yelling because they won a trivia game. The screams are what is triggering some times, but sometimes when I go to sleep it's like my mind says, ""hey remember this?"". I just try to take some deep breaths and eventually I knock out. But I still don't feel fine. It works in that moment but I'm not sure how to move on... My mom says to just focus on the good, to take deep breaths, to pray (we're a good ol' Catholic fam),and give it time. Anyone have some advice? I'm gonna be real with you all: I'm almost 6 feet tall, I have like rich caramel skin, I have a super silly yet witty personality and I like to take charge of things, so in a way I love the attention that comes my way. But now when I want to reach out for support or help, I kind of squash my feelings down because I don't want to drag more attention to myself. The irony, right? Another thing I want to mention is that I find it hard to let my mom leave. She's my bestfriend. I get this icy cold feeling in my stomach sometimes (emphasis on the sometimes bc it's not persistent), like when she left for a business trip or she just leaves me at the register at Costco to grab a last minute item. I know I need time but I need to decide where I'm going to college, and I got accepted to my number 1 school, which is conveniently 7 hours away. Yay. I don't want to let this event hinder me from my goals, but now I'm nervous about being separated my family, and I need advice because I don't want to bury it inside like I have the instinct too. Sorry for the rambling. It feels good to let it out. 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ptsd,ihavenosister,2018/04/03,"I have never felt innocence Since the event, I remember being young, washing my mouth out with soap hoping I could get rid of the taste of his... 

Repeating to myself over and over in my head: *I will forget this*

*It will be better if I forget this right now*

*This is a bad memory. This is really bad. It never happened, for your own good.*

And then I did forget it, for over a decade.

 I remember, walking into the backyard of a early 2000s summer scene. I remember looking into the distance, the grass, and feeling guilt- for the first time- purely concentrated guilt. I had no idea what these emotions were, I was too young, but know I can describe it as the robbing of my innocence. I knew from that moment, I would never look upon the world the same way. I would never fully trust someone who says 'I love you.' 

",1.801111111111112,4.3638790509554175,3.294469214437367,86.97812278839348,83.33121019108279,5.781882519462137,20.187190375088466,7.1686216300943375,0.7218905874026897,629,18,118,9,18,206,102,157,0.13699999999999998,0.794,0.069,-0.7092,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,0,2,2,9,0,2,12,0,15,5,2,0,5,30,25,7,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,12,7,1,0,8,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,6,6,22,5,19,12,2,27,0,0,2,1,6,10,0,2,15,96,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528603761912581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391954605209944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089732618085157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032821459134026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656299394209354,0.0,0.14538788063322436,0.0,0.0,0.12879860278860256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911120903448868,0.0,0.0,0.1270047285341595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390106687683412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540160386298668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039519286433342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093584816733726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321700708862485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25431096295041805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666334054127005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4671407585812848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700415304219023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5145913359938498,0.1293126841021308,0.0,0.12041603579760063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525699410102695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829849954953895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829478739992197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019092077553348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151302303273983,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,lukesong25,2018/04/03,"Please help me understand what it is to have symptoms of PTSD Hi Folks, I’m not the one that usually posts on Reddit but I found this reddit recently and wanted to share where I’m coming from with you folks. Any comment from you guys will be very appreciated! 

So I recently broke up with my girlfriend over a big fight. It wasn’t the first time we had a fight like this and every-time we get into an argument she tends to get very defensive and start attacking me. She gets into this rage of cursing me out loud regardless of where we are or who we are with and goes on for 30 minutes. In the beginning of the relationship, I thought this to be more nothing more than anger management and her personality. She tends to be very aggressive with her words and starts attacking the other person when she feels like she gets taken advantage of. There are a few restaurants that Im still ashamed to go because my ex and I caused a very unpleasant scene. I mean everyone gets like that when they get mad but it was way too extreme. She had so much hatred and negativity against certain type of people and would even mention of hurting the others at extreme.

After the breakup, I had some time to catch up with a friend. We were just having a couple of drinks just chatting and the word “PTSD” was brought up. And this word instantly hit me so hard... I mean folks I never experienced it and never thought I would meet anyone who had it. But deep inside me I knew my ex was going through PTSD. 

One of the symptoms she had was nightmare. She never shared her nightmare with me except for once and I never insisted on her telling me since it always put her in a bad mood. But that time she told me, it’s someone trying to attack her and she cant seem to do anything about it..... The other physical symptoms she had (at least thats what I think) were her migraines. She was very sensitive to noises. She would scream in th middle of the night and scared the shit out of me. She also would jerk her leg at night saying it hurts and would not be able to go to sleep. She told me she has a bad memory. All of this indicate that she has PTSD but I was oblivious to the symptoms.  Now that I have learned this, I only have regrets of not being more understanding and guiding her in th right direction. Although I have to admit that I was very exhausted from this relationship I cant deny the fact that I still love her and care for her.    Im willing to put myself in her shoes even if that means I take away just a little of the pain she goes through.

Folks, I would love to hear some of you guys go through. Obviously talking about symptoms is not pleasant but if anyone is willing to share what they have to go through it will be much appreciated.

Thanks",4.4807486890658375,5.5682760202952055,4.994771800349586,84.65678772577203,70.16236162361623,8.14068751213828,27.916294426102155,8.452757503120043,1.8041357933579327,2161,74,440,33,38,690,236,542,0.163,0.72,0.117,-0.9876,0,0,1,0,3,0,44.0,5,3,2,2,20,38,12,2,25,0,49,15,4,1,8,89,93,34,0,11,17,2,2,3,2,10,8,4,0,4,36,34,1,1,14,2,0,10,12,23,0,3,24,7,75,14,75,52,10,61,0,4,0,2,72,27,1,6,25,328,111,3,0.0640202475256271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119696881636563,0.053269974496422345,0.0,0.0,0.04353596366525786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952889122963263,0.0,0.052683208834981086,0.0,0.0,0.2184968214702453,0.060149129968005074,0.0,0.10690846511274603,0.03902614867716808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527290907820922,0.0657664293976261,0.0,0.05514777450320605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083718620253733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271546981233067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456953940268447,0.0,0.0,0.061174090038171675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03237056074216452,0.045736077624158315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544555898405398,0.0,0.0701948969880006,0.04946188442920911,0.0,0.20068762196320392,0.0,0.1819209100799853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678022059869715,0.0,0.0,0.057349566924824215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215547181124739,0.0,0.04291142242752785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370699981488747,0.0,0.13830570651461924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383117746023167,0.06416510674317047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556154581844533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20921045320225906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412449639085416,0.0,0.19750544645933168,0.0,0.0,0.1201573309045935,0.0,0.061429154136463174,0.0,0.0,0.06817947421994343,0.0867635531607872,0.04869028310607989,0.0681220571303315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438357873335373,0.11180002152663128,0.0,0.07027500686362295,0.0,0.0,0.061313700298597965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993449736237399,0.1287160625485447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264245419426948,0.13746757386744315,0.0,0.05467294158619598,0.0,0.05091147041696137,0.06409543619563295,0.0,0.0,0.058281628914989864,0.0,0.0,0.06571586408937866,0.05295821032018235,0.0,0.06406648218274501,0.0,0.05424414797490815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062772141808904,0.0,0.10225330474458172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327077504704861,0.04813525872116163,0.05145704991722375,0.05595651814403148,0.05894124253007845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041021589590126084,0.0,0.10164985080861053,0.11199216350815774,0.0,0.0,0.12234818007634335,0.0,0.04346554567048388,0.0,0.0,0.13329467093894226,0.0,0.0,0.07050925793703491,0.3169404537081344,0.037760800698032865,0.05081629258860595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728688820694178,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,confusionbarbershop,2018/04/03,Getting a puppy & wondered about how dogs might respond? I would just like to know what experiences people have with dogs & PTSD. I am concerned that my anxiety might harm a dog or puppy. Thanks!,3.4352702702702693,6.268038945945951,3.644527027027028,85.4084121621622,78.45945945945945,5.8621621621621625,25.466216216216218,7.1686216300943375,1.3461945945945957,159,6,28,2,4,49,31,37,0.13,0.727,0.14300000000000002,0.126,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5429635062585624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167778324669768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450958470000581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090730568195652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137701272902289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224110038289913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316093201965484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370681813863767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928913371675581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306820673147649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717217297245915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799069921065874,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,unbroken-flower,2018/04/03,"Whats wrong with me I was showering, all was normal but then suddenly, I got a flash back, I saw a plush toy from my childhood and I felt empty really empty. This emptiness was tearing me apart, it was so Scarry, this feeling was so intense, but why this plush toy there was nothing wrong with that I can't understand my flashbacks often I have flashbacks from situations that where completely normal. Nothing bad happens in this memory's

Is this normal?",4.052382352941176,6.5941080470588265,4.796102941176471,79.60121323529413,74.41176470588233,7.544117647058822,28.27205882352941,8.472884824447931,2.4371470588235296,364,15,61,7,8,117,55,85,0.166,0.7390000000000001,0.095,-0.7471,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,13,15,6,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,9,3,10,0,5,6,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,4,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517880742760901,0.16482038437399402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696967940883607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981114700877283,0.0,0.18953453071795948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15787845820376534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455977597719533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5802289607138533,0.3788203969017257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264592106609409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218853723328872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20549990008735244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781223962923981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316508536758248,0.0,0.0
ptsd,cellists_wet_dream,2018/04/03,"Have to do something later that will be triggering...how to cope? I have to compile a series of messages and emails later on to be used as evidence in a hearing of sorts. I’m already feeling really anxious about doing so, like sick to my stomach. I have a lot to do today and people who depend on me, so I can’t afford to just shut down.  
  
Every time I do something related to this situation, I feel like I got hit by a freight train after and totally exhausted. I know some of you can relate.  
  
Tips? Encouragement?",2.707254901960784,4.646792862745098,5.026078431372549,79.21401960784314,76.25490196078431,7.670588235294117,28.0,8.515128840125781,2.3268941176470594,400,17,74,8,9,140,71,102,0.086,0.802,0.112,0.3936,1,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,12,3,1,2,1,13,20,6,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,10,3,19,15,3,10,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,4,7,57,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836457711198233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903776747695996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21656403308057995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599303900148784,0.18362666914066086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055752811469317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896984095980628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126033998080673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511497483475725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852293377465545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781964949928958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646639325023632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889193897552074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957579550777156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498798397467353,0.0,0.24364020543235354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221996696834624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AnanCai,2018/04/03,"Newly diagnosed with PTSD but getting married next week I don't want to bombard you with paragraphs of my life story but basically my timeline is like this:

- 6-13 years old: physically abused and sexually assaulted by a guardian on a weekly basis. Didn't see parents much, but by the end of the guardian's term, I was blamed for the abuse done to me because I ""didn't speak up"" which isn't true. Nobody listened to me.

- 14-17 years old: I had violent behavior, mood swings, threw tantrums in school. I terrorized people. I was very difficult to handle but parents brushed it off as regular teenage angst.

- 18-29 years old: Went to college then started working. I was very good in appearing normal in front of everyone and I was able to do mental exercises to keep my emotions at bay. I would go through melancholy and crying spiels but drowned myself in work to forget about my problems. I was a high achiever and coursed through this part of life with no problem at all.

- 30 years old: A month ago I was listening to a podcast about child sexual assault and the victim was able to come to terms with what happened to him and for some reason this triggered me so much I started crying vigorously. I've been in and out of work the past month. I couldn't concentrate and I would cry almost on a daily basis.

I went to a psychiatrist 2 weeks ago for the **first time** and found out I may have PTSD. I found out that have strange behaviors like grinding my teeth when I hear children cry. I'm terrified of submerging my head in water (from drowning threats growing up). I have unusually high tolerance to unjust blaming and abuse to the point that I was in an abusive relationship years ago and didn't know. I have terrible insomnia and memory gaps. My psychotherapist also suggested not having children anytime soon.

I'm getting married next week to a wonderful man. He knows that I'm a level-headed person. He knows that I suffered trauma growing up but he has never experienced me having a relapse in trauma in the 3 years I've been with him. I appear to have zero trauma symptoms but I think I'm just very good in suppressing them and it's a natural instinct for me to do so. Right now it's sinking in that I'll be living with another person for the rest of my life, he'll get to see me break down and for some reason this latest trigger made me very vulnerable to everything, I'm getting so many flashbacks, and I can't seem to function like how I used to in my 20s.

Back then I expressed my desire in having children and I just noticed that I'm just saying that because it's a normal response and I've internalized that normal response. But in the recent weeks I realized that I'm terrified of children. I might harm them or not be able to take care of them because of my inability to be composed around them.

My relationship with him is actually really great and we almost never fight and he's the most understanding person I know. And of course we're getting married with the conditions that I'd want to have children one day and right now I feel reluctant.

For people with PTSD and in serious long-term relationships, since I'm very new to this:

- Am I in a bad place right now? Do I have to stop the marriage and get things sorted out first? Or is this something manageable with therapy?

- How manageable is PTSD in a marriage or long-term relationship? How is it like?

- If you have children, is it manageable?

Right now I just want advice and reassurance that I won't make my future husband miserable. :(",5.028252212389379,6.3177130383480895,5.843528761061948,78.32555862831859,69.0589970501475,8.894837758112095,32.11910029498525,9.244229546869796,2.9063755162241893,2792,122,515,55,48,915,298,678,0.227,0.6920000000000001,0.081,-0.999,2,0,1,0,4,0,74.0,1,2,4,6,21,32,7,2,28,0,49,10,2,10,4,111,99,47,2,13,18,3,1,4,0,6,7,5,0,11,26,41,1,3,14,1,0,10,13,20,0,4,21,10,67,11,94,68,10,98,0,2,2,0,44,39,0,16,52,337,93,9,0.16481226512209124,0.2603674451581944,0.05361099876803214,0.0,0.0,0.05368421267061085,0.14609612882768988,0.0,0.11002378429160152,0.0,0.0,0.043933436291035015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760667674221096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048905952729330064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04224348620829845,0.04587045238801099,0.10046802708628816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056012362817881266,0.0,0.0,0.04732372430913303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138471233180914,0.03543009214174743,0.0,0.0,0.05576032660933213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056220056272048534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179720504597671,0.04865824934206018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249506073287175,0.04937421224517753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027778011100070426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345948567897742,0.0,0.12047209458198585,0.0,0.0,0.1722152123018136,0.0,0.031222202789674882,0.0921578056796363,0.0,0.060568701378504584,0.0,0.0,0.04858098058220036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112763288236603,0.0,0.06191846699439117,0.0,0.0,0.11608880461516755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04883090463555688,0.0,0.0,0.12076868093067425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641177693347035,0.10735859699944177,0.0,0.04851074986782605,0.09723577886234984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05198311675079335,0.036671155585736165,0.05569792284196877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536399966153655,0.05827992274274973,0.0,0.0,0.0877010517464838,0.0,0.08077065227134078,0.0,0.08474225281067573,0.0530589042217148,0.11685314247448406,0.0,0.16148102686241145,0.0,0.06254661873661302,0.23059033045135136,0.0,0.03722701874055859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200301080099478,0.059491874096411525,0.05244398531851754,0.0761733818907896,0.14390771279919515,0.05739791285003047,0.0,0.05193362085743124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513538622616568,0.2568756243150122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035194319098817754,0.11296963865966925,0.05424407623608361,0.2359289246303153,0.0,0.1876650318604648,0.0,0.04368844276834407,0.0,0.05559960373681762,0.0875560246576056,0.05001296541712362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544480294398272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229351122991312,0.0,0.0,0.07776997969165958,0.0,0.0,0.045930144482260696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710101631702931,0.04130610407744768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282572956614746,0.0,0.03649798186422218,0.035201681554215214,0.0,0.0,0.03203445239260618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571917934696022,0.0,0.04744829343347022,0.0,0.2266456321040862,0.0972105441075562,0.0,0.22033742959726785,0.0,0.0,0.10185508063440396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957729036812449,0.11998529191348632,0.0,0.0,0.07805193629855814,0.0,0.0,0.2122673903125164
ptsd,cedyer,2018/04/03,"How do you talk yourself down from the ledge? For those of you who have had suicidal thoughts, what made you ultimately decide not to carry through with it?

I made two attempts in 2017. It was the worst year of my life by far. 2018 has been immensely better until now. I’m starting to feel almost as low as I did last year. I know that life will get better. I just don’t know if I want to wait around for it to happen. I’m just tired, ya know? Life is a lot.",0.5605154639175254,2.546769226804124,2.061041237113404,97.56269587628869,83.5360824742268,5.1171134020618565,17.94742268041237,6.2581,-0.4167682474226813,353,8,84,3,10,114,70,97,0.136,0.794,0.07,-0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,4,0,3,5,4,0,0,3,0,10,4,0,3,0,19,24,5,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,1,10,2,18,16,2,11,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,3,6,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976508343712432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571295924622224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491389267766753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980291273296386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312461262212286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454537504720274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254300518594908,0.16089371060045862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4182529257593586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780819886751078,0.0,0.37353764788824256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139708895436207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21590526233063587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586491968208348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670026958099878,0.0,0.22686303424346846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928147752648882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642176750691087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542167106576413
ptsd,babyscissors,2018/04/03,"Anxiety Advice TLDR: My abuser is going to be coming into my safe space and I can't stop bugging out over it.
 Hey  guys im 24 and was diagnosed with ptsd when i was 17, i grew up with abusive parents my step father was the worse of the 2. I moved away and delt with the bulk of my issues, he and my mother separated and i had a few years of calm. The beginning of last year 2 of my younger brothers moved in with him bringing a slew of issues back to the surface. It has been one of the toughest patches of my life since leaving home but things are settling down again. One of my brothers is going to start at my work (im a hairdresser) and i am super nervous as he said his dad (my abuser) would be coming in to chat with our boss on my day off, this makes me anxious as he would insert himself into my ""safe spaces"" and manipulate people to think he was lovely and i was a liar/drama queen. I am sure something like this wont happen as ive know my boss for 5+ years and they are fully aware of my background and what i have over come. I guess more than anything i am wanting some advice on how other people deal with the anxious thoughts...",2.7285123198512298,3.8419428577405874,4.251931659693168,88.22751162250117,74.39748953974896,6.315295211529522,24.57484890748489,6.42735559955562,0.7101490469549052,889,27,189,6,18,297,141,239,0.07,0.8240000000000001,0.106,0.9108,1,0,1,0,2,0,22.0,1,0,1,3,4,8,0,1,11,0,23,3,0,5,1,40,40,16,0,3,1,6,0,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,7,22,0,3,3,1,0,10,2,1,0,2,9,1,32,7,40,26,3,38,0,0,0,1,21,17,0,2,12,132,39,3,0.0,0.4072924691832847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239417248341864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765699731407174,0.2588962371442509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942934614664316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765611651793587,0.08810857693433577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29611377126053445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389766516591431,0.11813181511891385,0.0,0.11630107900462322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024227418110662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622798768615126,0.11345688797330107,0.10132688964319936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493781701876125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24754232128633266,0.23919335566932834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297276556774957,0.09340184037468023,0.0,0.12132867395495354,0.0,0.0,0.08093457654378368,0.05598030638762399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034171836586912,0.0,0.07648619049253833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435708473679946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552911437548034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12723277158489318,0.0,0.0,0.15887723483756264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394340606687838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108996308538698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478566462795997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821291570608968,0.0,0.0,0.08110365471562628,0.0,0.0,0.09579795684394647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799474272571287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612499657758105,0.07342126197028398,0.0,0.0909674685943385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758503675648106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341904099660062,0.0,0.11677161912131245,0.16279539525514905,0.0,0.0,0.22136640898647034
ptsd,Juninatt,2018/04/04,"Talking about sex with a therapist I just started trauma therapy (today!). I have been in therapy for five years now and I feel comfortable with the context and with talking in therapy in general. I’ve met this particular therapist for a year, and I feel more safe with her than I’ve ever felt with any other therapist. 
I thought retelling my traumas wouldn’t be the worst part of the process - I know what they are and I think about them a lot. I figure working with my avoidance will be the truly tricky part.
However, I realized today that I feel deeply uncomfortable with talking about sex. All my traumas are of a graphically sexual nature, and I can’t make myself use the proper words for what happened. It feels extremely hard to even hear her questions and I just want to put my fingers in my ears and block her out. 
It feels slightly ridiculous as well, as if I am a child who is given ‘the talk’ by an adult, and I’m embarrassed by it.
Does anyone have any advice on ways to get around this or what I can explore that will help me understand why I act this way? It will become a massive problem if I keep this up, and I don’t want to jeopardize my opportunity to get trauma therapy (which is rare where I live). ",5.016699790794976,5.910074799163178,5.837298640167365,79.8173705543933,68.79079497907951,9.322280334728033,31.255491631799163,9.516144504307137,2.799704811715481,963,39,187,20,16,316,136,239,0.146,0.774,0.08,-0.9456,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,2,11,13,1,2,13,0,17,4,2,2,2,52,40,14,0,6,5,0,8,0,0,4,0,2,0,2,16,18,0,4,14,0,0,3,3,9,1,1,5,10,31,4,33,29,6,21,0,0,0,2,16,9,0,5,7,136,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415083995777498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495902886235515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452471494347307,0.0,0.0,0.09488070705158028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771160699998715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327075458690272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039650251805912,0.09640965339062828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694556783555611,0.0,0.1023355748870852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136954498952474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425024009672137,0.0,0.0954766683358532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012582518312695,0.0,0.07143976609803017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473510890242487,0.0,0.0,0.058574760315000834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411398797474653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061232948271533,0.0,0.0,0.07114441036717571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308361564626427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198471990197157,0.0,0.10714449535036318,0.11939639647375012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543939181974485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426667681678068,0.0,0.0,0.4875438926838467,0.3712502604767121,0.0,0.06829353583506527,0.0,0.08461431892558634,0.0,0.0,0.20205482498819866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095577325680987,0.0,0.09205275386974716,0.0,0.0,0.12572982282737222,0.16919989369404909,0.0,0.0,0.09583014964342552,0.0,0.09617380936233028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759307198960815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727081573832514
ptsd,nina4621783233,2018/04/04,"Anyone up to chat? I was sexually violated at age 7 (I’m fourteen now) and I haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD; however, I fit a lot of the symptoms and I think there’s a good chance I have it. Is anyone in my situation or anyone who’s dealt with molestation/sexual abuse willing to talk?",0.2991949152542368,2.710180508474576,3.686250000000001,81.76971398305086,91.3728813559322,7.695762711864407,22.62923728813559,8.472884824447931,2.0828457627118646,226,9,46,7,8,82,46,59,0.141,0.727,0.131,-0.3736,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,6,1,8,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,2,31,8,0,0.0,0.3282693488764072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811778219675021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812088292844729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323837593901324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355454667269785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32386688698687244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114256766136145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879701559491587,0.0,0.2226893522677503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752807884466315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DoctorWhoure,2018/04/04,"Wondering if I should get checked for PTSD from familial violence I'm 21, male, and during my childhood I was constantly tormented by 3 people, my dad, my brother, and my aunt. I'd never consider myself to potentially have PTSD but looking up symptoms online made me have a second thought about it. 

My 15-year-older-than-me brother choked me several times during my childhood, possibly with the intent of killing me, because he wouldn't let go until someone would intervene. He started choking me when I was 12, which would make him in his mid 20s. He was NEET back then and still is. He also tortured me in several other ways, like subduing me and pressing his knee into my temple or heatbutting me in the nose as a way to start a fight. I started taking martial arts and self defense classes and I started retaliating against him, when I was around 15. He'd also hit my mom sometimes and I'd protect her. One time while trying to avoid his chokes I cut my head so bad that blood was gushing all over the room - and when I got him off me, he came back and headbutted me in the nose and tried to choke me again, after which I threw him over the table. The whole room was covered in my blood and he was still relentless.

My aunt had epilepsy and blamed it at me since I was 10. She refused to take meds for it because of me and I'd have to take care of her epilepsy attacks since I was 10, a lot of the times I was home alone with her. Sometimes she'd bang her head and get a huge swelling or blood would be pooling out of her head and I had to take care of her alone countless times. Sometimes after the seizures she'd get really confused, almost insane, babble, take her clothes off and try to go off etc, and I had to stop that. Also, watching someone twitch and curl up and their eyes roll up isn't exactly a pleasant thing to watch, especially as a kid.

6 months ago I beat my brother up, choked him until snot was coming out of his eyes because he was threatening my mom and she finally kicked him out. I'm finally free from his constant threat of violence but I still feel really weird from time to time.

My aunt also had her last epilepsy attack around a few months ago, because the doctor said the next one might kill her because it's taking a toll on her heart. Still blames me for it though.

----------

My ""symptoms"":

I know this probably isn't nothing compared what other people go through. I even thought this didn't affect me, I thought most people go through either the same or worse, until I was about 20 years old.

But once every day, or every 2-3 days, I get intense, intrusive memories about these events. I feel extreme anger and hate, my heart rate goes sky high, sometimes even my hands start shaking. I feel like I can't stop thinking about it, sometimes for an hour or two.

This usually happens when I'm trying to study or sometimes it even happens while I'm listening to a lecture at my university. Sometimes at the university I just zone out and kind of relive these events, going though them in my head. Other than that, when I'm not going through this, I have a tough time concentrating. I think ""episodes"" happens when I get bored or when my mind isn't stimulated. Like, I don't think they happen if I distract myself with the Internet or doing some hobby that I like.

 I remember feeling like this at least once a week ever since I was around 15 or so.

  I used to have nightmares about either fighting for life with my brother or my dad or someone else, or about seizures happening to me or people around me every day. Now I have them maybe once a week or two.

I get something that feels like an adrenaline rush when I'm bringing this up, for instance as I'm writing this, or when my brother decides to visit my mom, and sometimes it just happens randomly.

Does this sound like PTSD or at least a reason to visit a mental health professional? I honestly thought PTSD accompanied a lot more brutal traumatic experiences, like what you'd hear in war stories.

Also, I think I've had social anxiety for the better part of my life, but I think that's getting better now.

Does ""reliving a traumatic experience"" necessarily mean you feel all the sensations you felt back then? Or is it enough to emotionally experience it again?

How do I know if this is PTSD or just some normal reaction?

Edit: I just realized the backstory and the traumatic events might not have been necessary, sorry about that.",5.5463062200956985,6.269207913450295,5.8886337054758116,80.53215311004786,67.52631578947367,8.838064859117493,32.036682615629985,8.89354638988153,2.5871473684210526,3486,141,665,56,55,1117,347,855,0.188,0.748,0.064,-0.9991,0,3,1,0,3,0,105.0,0,3,4,3,49,38,14,4,36,0,51,22,15,8,5,132,124,78,3,9,33,13,9,8,0,7,7,4,3,3,36,39,0,6,24,2,2,14,10,22,0,5,31,20,117,17,95,79,18,123,0,0,5,0,66,38,0,32,77,448,153,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672184649389853,0.0,0.04333394024622253,0.08964027462389733,0.0,0.17303612262610196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033105469548995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409669077664287,0.0,0.09846375327140648,0.0,0.09982805366651604,0.036133049879125,0.13190104032034605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654693408555606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04949538985774043,0.08824406101018223,0.0,0.0,0.037277820512073,0.0,0.09353040431615338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372692353788659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04429408120324834,0.07574097556138895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03615094216548522,0.048678863540059666,0.0,0.04471493082887667,0.048263374752231414,0.08574873979163057,0.03914496689601641,0.109383865573166,0.0,0.0,0.12699457853708285,0.04079608110227242,0.0,0.13128768630379595,0.09274760267073844,0.04155105376231093,0.09481190448144786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582668280075051,0.0,0.14756602806433275,0.0,0.03461119343206739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22960911477893944,0.0,0.0,0.04272537814065995,0.17765168234757844,0.04599959732740955,0.04877438394159042,0.102562826602826,0.0,0.04572270763852534,0.04340863271541387,0.0,0.042617432112141015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957553676328523,0.0450645431051608,0.047565922557205056,0.03527512779459177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044251904184079364,0.061133217913703526,0.16913692097563007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03634033472348147,0.0,0.0,0.07358218836448216,0.0,0.04094811480254163,0.028886584389799463,0.0,0.04347583377529023,0.047139464792424014,0.048069078622101885,0.0,0.0436113022029191,0.09181646335651668,0.04369569481873632,0.15205044920999486,0.06908382874452898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03337656256119539,0.0,0.046023749557205035,0.0,0.04240058464939592,0.04152379679391075,0.0,0.045410125026477205,0.13826027752565806,0.05864889727380562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686290939415505,0.0,0.12000651678948415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048786374199302915,0.0,0.0,0.04665806948433277,0.0,0.25293242334938354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544650297766838,0.0444941937130692,0.0,0.0,0.04902245444937416,0.0,0.041164699725591336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045145553389601134,0.0977774936143345,0.0,0.1073932725340494,0.0,0.0,0.044113696574654505,0.1100010089394304,0.03331542357391711,0.3424028553029966,0.04844313120270399,0.15315232404551846,0.0,0.13823877301932536,0.07236014101167691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995916819303973,0.19522574222522893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028750172072251588,0.1386452551926408,0.08503548267297653,0.13742294871036326,0.17663914004007486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752429355925595,0.0,0.08454731776364459,0.0,0.0,0.03737594604057228,0.04766160530491472,0.0,0.0,0.06869980343801219,0.0694256360633333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831530291735536,0.0,0.0,0.046930193457111004,0.0,0.0,0.04410120583022607,0.09222454850396926,0.0,0.0,0.05573572094584717
ptsd,llamapickleem,2018/04/04,"I think I'm finally accepting I have PTSD. (NSFW due to a car accident and/or disabling injury) 


I was in a really bad car wreck on 11/7/17. A driver of an SUV ran a red light going 40 mph and slammed me on my driver's side. I was alone in my car thank goodness. My sedan was 100% totaled.  The firefighters had to cut my door off and I was transported to the hospital. No ""obvious"" major injuries after trauma code so they discharged me with a neck brace. Two days later, I started slurring and losing balance. Diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury and torn/dislocated shoulder. Vision starts going out and I can't read standard print. I got my first menstrual cycle and began passing out upwards of 6-8+ times per day. Hospitalized again. Doctor after doctor, pt, OT, therapy, everything. My health only started improving around March 2018. Now, I'm 80% medically stable but I can barely leave the house. I am paralyzed with fear. Not necessarily about cars or traveling, but life in general. I was facing life-long wheelchair use and disability. I can walk, talk, read, think and my memory is starting to come back. Those were all in jeopardy before. I am just so damn scared to leave the house or talk to people. I was (am) a full-time college student but I can't bring myself to care about school at all. Money is running out. I want to face and embrace life, but I feel like PTSD has taken that away from me. I want to enjoy and explore and thrive, but opening my window is sometimes all I can do. The only ""real"" thing keeping me out of life right now is intense pain. Nerve pain and muscle pain all the time. Gets worse when I drive or sit for a while. Anyone have ideas for small steps to get better? I'm afraid if I give in to this feeling I will be homebound forever. ",2.3060389252225946,4.852675244897959,3.7816736269797495,84.46124418879522,80.80758017492711,6.5069419273500895,24.13907493499331,7.730073105063049,1.4977588684894805,1391,51,258,24,37,458,212,343,0.156,0.7390000000000001,0.105,-0.9731,0,1,0,0,1,0,60.0,0,0,1,3,11,18,2,3,15,0,26,16,5,1,6,53,54,25,0,3,11,0,2,1,0,1,11,0,2,0,4,22,0,1,7,3,1,17,4,11,0,2,12,4,36,7,39,40,6,59,0,1,1,0,4,19,1,4,23,159,40,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429271363705613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041035227085951,0.0,0.0,0.08964253016300984,0.0,0.0,0.0946090445590416,0.0774305125508176,0.0840785872129049,0.0,0.0,0.08568654391251708,0.0,0.0,0.08905915906521814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112412221855712,0.0,0.0,0.10266827744247392,0.0,0.0,0.08674237280042313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988370234080168,0.0,0.0,0.10220630579758892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613725007555286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050082992880294,0.0,0.0,0.11331319634556825,0.10183182450970303,0.07193863998035299,0.0,0.11030968886424464,0.0,0.08565363004341052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522105184710333,0.09659865521799052,0.11445793810905605,0.08446066802047109,0.08053735445127802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703721851848197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323838428174515,0.0,0.11367573547449468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950497020079068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213249191811247,0.0,0.0,0.2845037776305924,0.04919593491534823,0.0,0.0,0.08911452239600763,0.0,0.11265525537090396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144259683964496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531706665225517,0.3214491751713794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698112837260855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354210440214023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014504128559654,0.11461631966520865,0.0645096892160183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599550433154582,0.0,0.0,0.10081622098755963,0.10191170761182188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995928534535797,0.0,0.28509812655608624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187440553454488,0.0,0.09270914880829853,0.11515688874963707,0.0,0.0668992475877147,0.12904636856690596,0.0,0.0,0.117435576022937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836727115463632,0.0,0.0,0.08697070270430167,0.0,0.0,0.118788527040228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102619820164506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Acctright,2018/04/04,"What treatment options are there? I’m looking for some info on treatment, and am having trouble figuring out what the options for treatment are. Is there like a list somewhere of the various treatment options? ",6.942499999999999,9.662881583333338,6.1344444444444415,72.45500000000001,66.5,7.022222222222222,45.33333333333334,7.793537801064563,4.5314,171,12,22,2,3,52,26,36,0.081,0.852,0.067,-0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,7,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,20,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.502869546948834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8643623191413856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,pole7979,2018/04/04,"Having trouble staying afloat I'm afraid that after 7 years of therapy work then graduating from it that I have to go back.  My ability to fall and stay asleep, my anger/rage/insecurities after quitting smoking while using chantix have come back in full swing.  I feel things coming to the surface throughout my day, being passive aggressive, burning the room down with quips, starting sentences that lead to gibberish, alienating friendships.  In a shame spiral, validation after asking feedback from peers, I'm over-reacting or too sensitive.  Thank god my GF still loves me.  I am in states of hypervigilance, catastrophizing, and hypersensitivity and it blows. Just needing to write this out, it helps.  Thank you for reading.",8.009826958105647,10.307286303278687,7.396666666666665,66.17611111111114,63.016393442622956,9.684517304189436,36.5063752276867,9.994966539143718,4.151816757741347,587,28,85,13,9,183,94,122,0.057,0.777,0.166,0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,3,5,7,1,2,3,0,5,2,1,2,0,14,18,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,4,0,0,0,1,9,3,19,17,1,27,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,11,56,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921925028623892,0.0,0.0,0.3161615202138791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541833774320177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13258413069435773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394902275124067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683764746279965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779805860443445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18554682835325628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15243730816481668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21866299633337766,0.20563879366824325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551281874013205,0.4382485895841355,0.1641789770950587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785467054183525,0.2351022601477108,0.0,0.13658031647804988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755784299513205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496669889239313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238881469622993
ptsd,Windiigo,2018/04/04,"Hospital visits trigger PTSD * Trigger warning.

The past two weeks I have been recovering from life saving surgery and because of the physical consequences I have had four panic attacks in two weeks. Today I had my fourth one.

My original trauma is not related to the hospital, but to rape. But now any time a nurse needs to do something I associate with pain or something else because of the past trauma my brain gets triggered into a panic attack.

Are there people out here who have been through something similar and have advice on how to cope? I was rather overwhelmed with my own powerful reactions to sometimes small procedures and don´t know what to do to prevent it except take oxazepam.",6.805824372759857,8.700734241935487,6.436559139784943,73.455394265233,65.45161290322581,9.382078853046597,36.358422939068106,9.725611199111238,3.9620315412186393,562,28,86,12,9,175,86,124,0.217,0.728,0.055,-0.9781,1,0,3,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,3,3,6,0,13,4,1,5,0,22,17,7,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,9,0,4,5,0,9,1,18,12,1,14,0,1,0,1,2,5,0,1,8,66,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698919461972946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925020481440878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655341544056333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586633105818166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17934295566604352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342057725445756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393506562289625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829121734038603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347464611970162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912287892351416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886328399807688,0.0,0.17094714501074984,0.3769856246592344,0.0,0.0,0.3067247746863269,0.1113772306568883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187795887154412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37103781178815937,0.15889087864935325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207917875555843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367861855506812,0.0,0.15228117342494712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313871158463882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577338394011158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AgileKaleidoscope,2018/04/04,"Constant triggers in daily life I don't want to give too much detail but I'm almost 30 years old and have multiple traumas in my past, some prolonged, some random incidents. I am left with some issues including PTSD and depression. I am having problems lately with constant triggers, that seem very benign to others (sounds, smells, visual movements). It can be a gesture someone does. It can be an unrelated noise. I'm in constant fight/flight and very moody and can go from being snippy to breaking into tears. It's embarrassing at work. Normally I am very locked down emotionally until I get these random periods of time where I am on a downhill slide that usually has historically ended in hospitalization. But due to many reasons, I can't do that anymore.

How do I deal with this? What do I do? Living and breathing feel like torture. I am having nightmares and flashbacks. I never feel safe. I feel afraid of everyone around me even people ""close""ish to me. I know I am irrational but I've been here in the past and tried every medication with only worse results. The best that has ever been done was medicating me to catatonic state til it passes. But like I said, not an option right now. I can't go to therapy as I have no money and can't miss work to even go to cheap/free therapy but I know if I keep going as I am I will end up losing my job or worse... so it's like a catch 22.

I know the major trigger was some life changes. But I have no idea how to cope. I'm far beyond CBT or mindfulness or meditation right now which are my usual coping methods. 

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant. I have no idea where to start. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with my traumas (as in.. only the past 5 years though some date back 20+ years ago). ",2.7456470046082937,4.711622134285719,4.321797235023041,84.18675115207374,76.22857142857143,6.916129032258064,24.433179723502306,7.831003766801068,1.3464562211981566,1377,46,271,21,31,460,193,350,0.166,0.777,0.057,-0.9903,1,0,1,0,1,0,46.0,0,0,0,4,16,16,1,2,12,0,37,5,1,7,2,61,60,28,0,5,12,0,3,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,16,16,0,2,10,0,1,9,9,10,0,0,7,6,32,6,40,49,10,62,0,3,0,0,3,19,0,15,35,182,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807850473004703,0.0,0.09125782479141048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038072486541693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112883762662731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007664184242265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563981238191738,0.0,0.09949503857350532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640799239062836,0.07850411925541324,0.0,0.2954513668012458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395544890542187,0.07849382843880948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975222929230696,0.09326201744597636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251380730075632,0.161435857590419,0.0,0.0,0.12038667501002685,0.08243618074342153,0.07678456796039397,0.08708271735278864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824070239061484,0.06510635332841992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04761390388403535,0.08742431298938001,0.2071748635171809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057590357752586,0.0,0.09512051890713644,0.09043671827158907,0.08100434225798356,0.0,0.0,0.15025506342498848,0.0,0.10280344603373454,0.0,0.09901767022015827,0.0,0.12874168509959555,0.13357082876999207,0.0,0.08047324567940596,0.08065097676842951,0.0,0.10195595666646713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239586361593413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361641404947704,0.0,0.0,0.0920196510921894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699418749068246,0.0,0.0702883809098027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929225228544133,0.0,0.0,0.09563010448336833,0.0,0.0,0.1386234648985631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26099396895181515,0.06318104020068231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872032053558175,0.10653110537806214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370122612970323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565636745966785,0.08668957712601509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296523273982913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721778620972107,0.0,0.0,0.10201737378425996,0.06450531788584157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20844000078908992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895389749320104,0.0,0.10628227205802034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187419912328295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074308504971075,0.2255859950733069,0.05375336408191643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269369367102068,0.0,0.1857472499328296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606247993369753
ptsd,billeb617,2018/04/04,"Free Course for those living with PTSD I am a psychotherapist and founder of an online mental health company. We recently created a free course for people living with PTSD, would love your thoughts !

https://healbright.com/p/navigating-trauma",11.855904761904759,15.93427497142858,8.514285714285716,54.79904761904766,56.42857142857143,10.380952380952381,31.666666666666664,10.504223727775694,4.098238095238095,204,7,25,5,3,58,28,35,0.0,0.6809999999999999,0.319,0.92,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,7,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827253464116515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4697321608335082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400582211660591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680462708189077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439772303585766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6218350695655538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26262413189053196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115918962565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894525849763005,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,tangledtree406,2018/04/05,"Mind/ body dissonance I feel like I woke up with the wrong mind in my body today. I know some people wake up feeling like they’re in the wrong body, but it’s different. It just feels wrong, like my thoughts aren’t matching the way my body feels. 
My thoughts seem normal (as “normal” as usual), but my body is panicking. Racing heart, shaky, sensitive to noise. 
Does this happen to anyone else? ",3.20674285714286,5.505906626666667,3.2205714285714286,91.056,76.06666666666666,6.419047619047619,21.38095238095238,7.447530270364453,0.6722952380952374,307,8,61,4,7,93,50,75,0.175,0.728,0.097,-0.8151,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,3,0,2,7,7,0,0,18,12,4,0,2,3,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,8,3,9,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,5,29,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300796911992225,0.12163707893072565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6593254781816718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403143093575207,0.0,0.0,0.10388789708775048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917076804137946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010256082258294,0.16961938730392467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497887882466964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067730572742826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524240849659592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399378846606134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397356946017865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23263009444322075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230171696151772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080732618663996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849217411447375,0.0,0.0,0.11252750638411273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307472978860892,0.0,0.0,0.09423007898455454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3893871518417809,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Commander-Cunt,2018/04/05,"I’m not good at titles but this is a question. I’m 19 and recently I got myself a lovely relationship with my boyfriend who is 18. 

I get pretty heavy panic attacks where I lose all control of myself. My boyfriend says he wants to help but I feel as if allowing him to help me would put a lot of weight and stress on his shoulders and I don’t want that for him. 

I am getting treated with EMDR therapy but I’m kind of spiraling downwards as I tried to kill myself not long ago and I’m avoiding school and work out of fear of getting a panic attack. 

I don’t really know what to ask but is there something he can do to help me that’s not gonna drive him mad?",1.2296726677577752,2.9890433475177325,3.2017021276595763,91.42615384615387,80.06382978723406,6.040589198036008,22.902891434806328,7.010146845296331,0.6586187670485537,516,17,115,6,13,174,87,141,0.26,0.613,0.127,-0.9764,0,1,1,0,0,1,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,14,4,5,4,0,9,3,1,2,1,27,24,12,1,4,8,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,8,1,2,3,0,0,2,5,10,0,0,1,3,19,4,18,21,2,10,0,1,0,1,15,5,0,3,3,72,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133292994071586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057466217161074,0.3421327582910937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865155424378606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16920686446332947,0.07603105500315707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23568469736241066,0.0,0.0,0.12612233408929924,0.12026377913930858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023673959346666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636095497549538,0.1565861133812162,0.08263883786909731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307178156717267,0.0,0.16822438287322966,0.0,0.1278382969865206,0.135713840676962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528511085659773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297927231616906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116231858583215,0.1684476282495661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963301944678858,0.0,0.14847118928146236,0.1614399693770527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957941780481995,0.0,0.15218139681199136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157613576801405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224711467025436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719599896136955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209064093567563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738299547562386,0.0,0.0,0.18310886135815727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947038044084456,0.0,0.0,0.10681778188582301,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Shteenz,2018/04/05,"Being admitted to a dissociative disorders and trauma unit today. I've been in 2 partial programs before but I haven't been anywhere gor more than a few hours in nearly 3 years, due to my agoraphobia because of the trauma I went through. I am absolutely terrified. Any tips?",3.2300000000000004,6.197693862745098,5.309313725490199,72.1369117647059,80.9607843137255,8.105882352941178,30.068627450980397,8.841846274778883,3.3760039215686284,221,11,35,6,6,76,43,51,0.227,0.7490000000000001,0.024,-0.907,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,4,0,8,3,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,24,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27729974941412466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485747491886369,0.0,0.34698494711613737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467343398623844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015744482610089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865213003761563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780098284483107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26259256222152644
ptsd,BerryBrickle,2018/04/05,"Does anyone else freeze and say everything's fine right up until the point of a total meltdown? I noticed when trying to explain how I work to my relatively new boyfriend that I basically get very stiff, dissociate and if someone asks I say ""I'm fine."" Like the other day when I really desperately needed to go home before I had a nuclear style meltdown, I kept saying I'm fine for a loooong time as the anxiety continued to build. Is this a normal PTSD thing or is it just me?",6.960319148936173,6.332463329787236,8.061148936170213,70.75300000000001,64.63829787234042,11.349787234042553,34.75744680851064,10.793553405168565,3.72080680851064,379,15,71,9,5,130,70,94,0.053,0.858,0.08900000000000001,0.2656,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,7,0,3,1,0,1,1,12,11,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,9,4,9,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,8,42,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534296325006625,0.0,0.0,0.14198666724554965,0.2080624744102133,0.0,0.0,0.1898368895249943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727920171614165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095910920840434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777021704184557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696334338939688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825003115325297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060922577007511,0.0,0.1154056232341008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036891706570242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920653164449786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056895559704395,0.0,0.19611991988760066,0.0,0.0,0.19895904068735334,0.0,0.2311890536714971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19196057120727447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373702755489615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008762889856226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341505424039497,0.0,0.4844525544631434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205497985621024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490631561782035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840791529784132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786673519572326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16754859099761268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783259085935446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Pthrowaway227,2018/04/05,Numb when triggered? Is this normal?? I don’t know about anyone else but this happens to me randomly..,0.7765789473684208,2.727562315789477,1.7888157894736842,90.69796052631581,110.05263157894736,4.0052631578947375,20.539473684210527,5.985473137389443,0.5760421052631579,80,3,14,1,4,25,18,19,0.123,0.877,0.0,-0.3049,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379587314874381,0.4952333291985006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037639677640985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4274111160255316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26562800955701144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735652037833368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Breanne33,2018/04/05,"Propranolol for ptsd and anxiety??? I was just prescribed celexa and propranolol. I have severe anxiety. I am very hyper vigilant like a Chihuahua. What is your experience with propranolol? How well does it help your physical symptoms? Do you experience negative side affects? If I have low blood pressure, should I bring that up at my next appointment? Does this allievate nervous sweats, or shaky voice? Does it help with sleep, or disaccosiation? Thank you.",4.604956140350879,8.075744144736841,4.424736842105265,74.61982456140352,87.81578947368422,8.849122807017544,31.33333333333333,8.841846274778883,4.115249122807018,369,19,55,12,12,113,58,76,0.211,0.624,0.16399999999999998,-0.4970000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,3,7,0,3,1,0,7,4,3,2,0,12,9,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,1,10,3,5,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,4,2,37,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170419669367855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440128518828712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4053973710710401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27778733048005905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123610773059798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037838889171202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24222641784946586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340970338130929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736736341995787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153785463283381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077822979721112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097631503867772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631361007273628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,intergalacticpup,2018/04/05,"Focusing on every issue but the PTSD Without going into it too much, I survived a terrifying assault almost 6 months ago. I’ve been seeing an EMDR specialist and someone else for talk therapy weekly. I’m finding that I’m putting on a face when I’m there because I’m afraid to address everything but the actual issue. I say I’m doing better to move things along so I don’t have to go any more. Today my counselor even noticed that I have so many other things going on other than what happened due to the assault. I talk to her about family, friends, feelings but mostly avoid how disgusting I feel after everything. Does this ever change? Will I basically lie to everyone forever? Does anyone else understand? ",4.695983717774759,6.781695925373137,6.1564314789687895,72.62120081411126,71.08955223880595,8.753324287652646,30.83853459972863,9.339509955726095,3.262546268656717,570,25,90,13,11,193,94,134,0.161,0.753,0.086,-0.9176,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,3,2,6,0,6,1,1,1,1,16,19,8,0,0,4,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,1,4,0,0,5,2,5,0,0,1,4,9,2,16,17,3,17,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,8,61,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.1400183097666236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718865837220625,0.0,0.14367708739483268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757308110645267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032636273411387,0.1470148689590474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746565481881237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689869044825258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178555460783286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25112516201552165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397225845332047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476889716648706,0.12978821676104224,0.12089027003039399,0.13710376310496694,0.25790579931335417,0.0,0.13526261578322146,0.0,0.14509821686924473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114048742199996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085429274511556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446333865584224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688118006077842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29951709103960217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546882529811422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452643405722356,0.15249928548719194,0.10547621262117328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335587917343788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677234688932957,0.14423963263244333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410311416184694,0.0,0.0,0.11433704710005307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157233248818188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306517408768753,0.0,0.0,0.1640848457565465,0.0,0.19064691380338766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360047178933846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937043588358914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509307858270408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831209611651393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Sasslockholmes,2018/04/06,"I live with the person responsible for my trauma I feel like I'm reaching a tipping point. I'm 21 and I live with the person responsible for my PTSD. There is no way for me to get out. And the only other person who lives with me besides my abuser, knows about it and said ""it's one of those things you just have to forget"" and they have made it clear that I am not to tell anyone. I want to tell everyone. But it will ruin lives like my life hasn't already been ruined. It'll be ruined more if I say something because it will be my fault that I didn't say anything before. I want to tell my best friend so badly because they're the first best friend I ever made and we met 2 years ago. But I know they would do something bad with the information. I'm sitting here crying in my room because I was watching The Office and Jim and Pam made me sad because I realized that because of my trauma, I can never innocently and genuinely have what they do. I don't know how much longer I can continue lying, because I am lying every time I smile.",4.671509838998212,4.671587041860466,5.788372093023257,83.01962432915923,69.27906976744185,8.103756708407872,27.236135957066196,7.61054688173877,1.4121377459749556,814,23,170,8,13,272,118,215,0.175,0.662,0.163,-0.6928,0,0,2,0,1,0,16.0,1,1,3,3,7,15,0,0,7,0,21,1,0,4,3,36,36,13,0,4,5,0,1,2,2,4,1,3,1,3,14,14,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,8,5,33,6,17,22,4,13,0,4,1,0,19,4,0,1,9,117,47,0,0.0,0.12771212095106915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554828159098264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894763856064795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753684462136991,0.0,0.0887010111911255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999831768210742,0.3942423698681211,0.0,0.09172034321409134,0.0,0.22623542425586946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840095277014635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750115490632047,0.09081672619481104,0.10299683267356036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054501263953900037,0.07700435153609995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916851116452462,0.0,0.0,0.16655474339202742,0.0,0.05631520742986936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771374270790552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613442828498634,0.10532034154115738,0.0,0.3807179964934647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059771511691355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079237181944208,0.0,0.08313337970534282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304049117435996,0.08197825155676115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282351109012664,0.0,0.0,0.1018952713437951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599935749251545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253184720474227,0.17143598528163442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596219295721185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28263652794898714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161009966482397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628525253006198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271532725272456,0.08555774481603977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657008212351682,0.0,0.0,0.06941246337226456
ptsd,spirit_is_fire,2018/04/06,"Health crashes/problems from PTSD Does anyone else experience this? A few years ago I started getting some nasty health breakdowns while triggered (migraines and vomitting to name a few), and now they are happening while not being triggered.  They leave me in bed and I can't do much of anything. 
I am using medical cannabis as my medication to treat my triggers and all these other symptoms.
I was wondering if anyone else experiences this and how you guys treat it and work with your body.... or how you guys self- care. 
Thank you ♡",5.3176546391752595,7.581858742268042,4.9531829896907205,81.14668170103094,69.82474226804123,7.73659793814433,31.712628865979386,8.472884824447931,2.594568041237113,426,19,74,7,8,130,73,97,0.049,0.838,0.113,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,2,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,6,8,1,6,1,20,13,13,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,3,5,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,13,4,7,11,5,7,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,4,6,52,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381711041061045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21797862305230936,0.3194185240108605,0.12826935709916934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17313862921970116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589218703378442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13640461873167847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26042207385497484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049454087952832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143667535391544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086755296174737,0.13783707575544502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313692483493525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504591902628324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31404923941998103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458383900983472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914843239232128,0.18220600152628647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260846792362724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032698860535414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201066790914054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350597568269965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462334308772814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903651155991914,0.11347665672738552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037644364894012
ptsd,timstorm,2018/04/06,"PTSD Haikus I’ve long made a habit of writing haikus, so after a recent diagnosis, I started writing haikus as part of my processing of what I was feeling when I was in a challenging time. It seemed to be a healthy distraction.  My therapist rather enjoys them. 

I’ll share mine - maybe some of you want to join in?

—
Alone with my thoughts
Crushing screaming silencing 
Alone with my thoughts

—~~
Wave crashing over
Glimpse of the sun through the curl
A heavy vignette

-~~
Pulse above the din
The necessary rhythm 
Unfamiliar tune 

-~~
Shadow flickering
Why’s it coming after me?
Undue attention

-~~
Haunted house jump scare
The adrenaline rushes
Twenty four seven

-~~
Uninvited thoughts
A silent cacophony
Inescapable",3.751553684210524,7.031476887999999,3.495789473684209,81.71736842105265,88.12,6.7915789473684205,29.77894736842105,7.85451343220497,2.83972,581,29,92,13,19,175,90,125,0.15,0.7390000000000001,0.112,-0.7236,0,2,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,1,3,6,0,2,11,0,3,0,0,1,0,15,12,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,6,2,11,3,16,5,2,14,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,8,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257029109967034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703288810955387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391450805649416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23713660069355036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18187421859633288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446316674516329,0.0,0.0,0.2064673393048244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225526085296949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402359193053569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292116943668811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575626644181028,0.0,0.0,0.18709304561238654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546450341799053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386186380058192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894676211324018,0.11983739041807835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121218012242967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544523071097024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,kkppond,2018/04/06,"i hate people touching me ive come to the situation where i have a brand new partner who wants to hold my hand and this is coming to a head for me again. the second this happens i start to cry and they get put off. they ask if im uncomfortable literally every time no matter the person and i have to say no because its not normal. ive tried to muscle through it but the moment the hand holding gets to hand rubbing i cry again and so on. im 19

what do you think i should do? understandably all of my relationships are very short",0.5335550935550941,2.823189036036037,2.7291891891891886,90.70359667359669,86.56756756756758,5.217186417186418,19.349272349272347,6.67199483983844,0.14560374220374195,417,12,91,5,13,141,75,111,0.119,0.779,0.103,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,0,7,0,9,4,4,0,1,18,20,7,0,4,3,0,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,6,6,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,6,15,0,12,19,1,13,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,6,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17259478475385798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125426427370195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31806757745926784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055928173866465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555031856328336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929126675824628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16325886254681465,0.0,0.0,0.18227403499662329,0.18947339014078607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988425772044528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830715328112054,0.0,0.0,0.1808884084025547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799226708477426,0.16120306905948809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185594099506822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821279549856846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681723973712374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752062323668466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067499124751253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829704590981445,0.0,0.0,0.10765341080503348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125344866034007,0.0,0.0,0.19219593834795126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523308408149921,0.1088936635171679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Glutenedito,2018/04/07,"Re-diagnosed two days ago and scared. I saw a psychiatrist yesterday for the first time ever, and after we talked, I was told I have PTSD, I suffer from childhood neglect, and I use alcohol and marijuana as coping mechanisms. This was scary. I cried, a lot. 

Now I knew I had PTSD since I was 13 when one traumatic event in my life happened. But I never realized that it didn’t just.. go away. As soon as I was happy again (3 sessions in), my parents decided that was good enough and I was well adjusted. No one ever talked about what this meant for me long term. And over my life, before and after 13, many traumatic events have happened. And finally I sought help for what I thought was just anxiety. Instead here I am being told I will need to take Zoloft or other antidepressants for the rest of my life to help curb all the emotions and outbursts I have. And I’m scared. And I wish the people close to me understood how scared I am because I know there’s so much more I’m going to go through. 

Did anyone else feel this scared? Or just feel.. like their lives have changed forever?",3.2161032863849783,5.08024180751174,4.093544600938968,86.79036384976528,74.5868544600939,7.738028169014085,25.448356807511736,8.515128840125781,1.667007511737089,847,29,173,16,18,272,129,213,0.16,0.753,0.087,-0.9456,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,1,1,16,10,0,4,6,0,18,5,0,2,4,40,39,20,0,2,6,1,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,9,13,1,2,10,0,0,3,3,6,1,4,17,3,28,4,21,20,7,28,0,2,1,0,9,5,0,3,21,123,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128177856431532,0.12210579466621288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740615585668025,0.0,0.0,0.0798910263277073,0.1170696160659076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734804508049306,0.0,0.0,0.06964989800755401,0.0,0.09722413984396876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086856743204474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550575353729496,0.07368619775776629,0.0,0.0,0.11596826892616258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544691340522488,0.12852354585128342,0.0,0.1180578395773915,0.0,0.0,0.20670367308665274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554336415768995,0.08162509624353112,0.0,0.12516276332992973,0.0,0.09718679415972586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480435444441352,0.09583320115374323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207386015957812,0.12162851128388916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316787829412126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627925611257198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421089164017512,0.0558201117417912,0.0,0.1008908668325542,0.1011136917414204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097137063936566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583848387439445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839919104991107,0.0847199855387539,0.08812190459544911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484675873121112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686867910134664,0.0,0.0,0.07921129388298766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671202205274891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575640430937308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451442359776692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590691047250461,0.18367061060273296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090707153809477,0.06662407155531905,0.0,0.0,0.2183545789829018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116123126236965,0.0,0.0,0.09868120916026417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273060439020916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313897061951579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Caeleybug,2018/04/07,"A lot of things I don't understand that haunt me every single day... when I was 19 I fell in love with a guy who I had no idea was on meth and he got me started on it. I was on paxil at the same time. I instantly became addicted and a friend who hung out with us then says she remembers I was constantly ill and sleeping and that the guy was giving me pills all the time, she said he told me they'd help me feel better but now I think it may have been something to keep me doped up so he could bring people into the house, I have a memory of him bringing a friend and the friend was smoking heroin and I was too out of it to care at the time. I lost the apartment I was living in due to not paying rent and I ended up with a friend of his that lived in the complex and was also a tweaker and much older than me. This is where it got very bad, he was very sadistic and verbally, physically and psychologically abusive. He told me he was intentionally trying to make me go crazy, and he would just stand there and smile and taunt me when he got me to the point of crying. He talked about ways to kill me, and weird things like splitting my mind and making me reborn and being one of the ""elite"" by being tortured. Just really insane and confusing and he kept me in a constant state of anxiety to the point where I would have panic attacks when he wasn't home, especially after I found him hiding in the pantry when I thought he had left... he was physically abusive as well but it went deeper than the ""normal"" abuse because he would have a totally different voice, different face everything when he would talk about that weird stuff it literally scared me to my core because it was like being talked to by a demon... and he made me feel so dehumanized and worthless, he told me there were all these things wrong with me and I developed a fear of going outside which lead to me being trapped in the apartment with him for 7 months. I believe he drugged me as well as revenge for having him put in jail but that is a whole other long and horrible story. All of this happened in a short period of time. 

My memory is really messed up when it comes to all of that. I don't know exactly when it began, and there are huge chunks of time missing. I actually had a point where I just ""woke up"" but I was sitting in my bed, I didn't remember ANYTHING for several minutes and even as things came back to me, I had this horrible weird feeling like my name and my room were not mine. I didn't know what I was doing before that and my bed and the furniture were moved and I still don't remember moving anything. I have never understood that but when this happened I returned to the abusive guy (I was all alone, as an addict he was the ONLY person who still talked to me and at that point I was convinced that I was crazy and none of the things he did happened) and he acted all emotional and told me some weird stuff about how it finally happened and that ""Caeley #1"" has died and I was now ""Caeley #2"". It made me feel more alone and terrified and I now wonder about the possibility of having DID (I had traumatic things happen as a child) or if it's part of PTSD and depersonalization/derealization disorder I've been diagnosed with. 

Another thing I wonder about is why I am so emotionally detached from my memories. I remember it like it happened to someone else and I was watching, not like it happened to me. It makes me wonder if I even have PTSD at all. I only hear about people with PTSD being fearful and crying and everything but I am not like that, yet it still affects me and my life in other ways. Until recently (I think having a baby has changed it) I was unable to cry. I talk about it constantly, I think about it constantly, but it's the same memories over and over and I feel nothing when I think about them, just disturbed by the lack of feeling. I feel like not feeling anything makes it even harder to move past it... it's like I'm stuck. Like I blocked out the emotions then when they got too horrible to deal with and then I just stayed like that. I cry about other things, I feel love and everything but I'm totally detached from the memories. I factually know how I felt then. I know I was in absolute despair and so much pain but like someone else TOLD me how they felt. 

When I talk about this stuff, I do not feel any anxiety at all, but my back tightens up and I begin shaking and getting cold, every time. When I'm talking about it out loud, if I go on too long the tightness in my back spreads through my body and makes it hard for me to breathe and I have to stop talking. Once I stop talking about it, it goes away. It has made it difficult for me to explain everything to a therapist. It's very weird and I'm serious when I say I do not feel the anxiety whatsoever when I talk about it... it's just my body reacting that way. When I was typing what happened, I got those physical symptoms and when I started typing this, it faded away. Is it still PTSD if I am emotionally detached from the memories? Is there a type of therapist or someone that can help me connect to those memories and move past it? I was seeing a counselor in my home town but I got married and moved, and she wasn't helping any way because she didn't understand what I meant when I told her about the detachment. I just really need peace, and to move on. I feel like I'm just trapped in these memories until I feel like they were real... as weird as I know that sounds. I hope someone out there understands.  This drives my husband crazy and he doesn't know what to do :(",4.359407738095243,5.091575291964286,5.331678571428572,83.43498809523813,70.1875,8.687619047619048,28.32619047619048,8.879805139372039,2.029665833333333,4357,150,905,76,75,1433,368,1120,0.194,0.716,0.08900000000000001,-0.9992,3,4,3,0,1,1,106.0,1,0,5,4,75,51,3,7,47,0,87,16,5,15,13,200,184,114,2,13,32,1,17,13,4,5,9,7,6,5,85,74,0,6,42,0,2,20,19,26,2,1,72,27,142,25,130,100,22,147,1,4,2,2,80,53,0,14,79,661,227,5,0.0,0.16726434610203025,0.034440590863282994,0.07694851975785487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310520117138605,0.0,0.028223564926753295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04800050180948987,0.037007480372757716,0.08099647244746196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712867184210052,0.0,0.0,0.040150549076279324,0.06631731972370407,0.0814137392646163,0.029467936052540326,0.0645423195843045,0.0,0.030031494108998164,0.039762794962921434,0.0,0.03121353118816508,0.0,0.0784044823052138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040365454565906345,0.035983266781568005,0.0,0.03733500421422012,0.030401541931905262,0.0,0.1525555126166611,0.0,0.028178354635728087,0.0,0.1550695250808933,0.022760876233291847,0.03638523107731323,0.0,0.03582135455943365,0.036628257723088836,0.0737467340023904,0.04044849968074715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092833526723029,0.0,0.05896505584418156,0.15879817980574545,0.03125886284947898,0.0,0.0,0.06993150008700234,0.0,0.059471255386644724,0.0,0.12687523696328068,0.0,0.0,0.07942821435295581,0.23198568921697565,0.10085246733652964,0.06777306644634086,0.03866143527359673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386966314309276,0.10906823109739328,0.0,0.018438982682713087,0.033855980328463785,0.060172975891516836,0.0,0.16936081036671635,0.0,0.0,0.10483598551497536,0.2496737929779216,0.0,0.03161533315438305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039777445629442715,0.0,0.07096787241409057,0.0,0.07080292514831588,0.03505362123311484,0.0,0.04072304522938743,0.0,0.039841170204317516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03136977946100173,0.03904615109341432,0.0,0.11637569224447765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03834562927078677,0.0,0.02492828258607341,0.22414904030170008,0.0,0.062328213503274874,0.06246586995256191,0.0,0.0,0.038526158614504806,0.030004597295054638,0.06370609172471704,0.1001844377247402,0.11779077941420835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035635573110968745,0.0,0.028170301905299962,0.2250633723758606,0.051888400749148286,0.0261690949460154,0.027219911258449643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03457935937371747,0.033864304083795545,0.0,0.0,0.037585580978836464,0.0239152515522219,0.053683387837881666,0.03755392842217085,0.041408387264233015,0.0,0.03821856228252586,0.0673817643058763,0.04893503834399077,0.03081623032886118,0.0,0.0,0.1334520623828552,0.03978722416041939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502114273347762,0.035478918307499684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017082696595891,0.0678282352118937,0.0,0.03484729028248735,0.0,0.15991902789111706,0.0,0.03357144617444967,0.05613235408461402,0.03533415643149861,0.0,0.028123718006968213,0.0,0.0,0.03987071308460847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035318194832960136,0.0,0.11961358398053015,0.02717004998813174,0.0,0.0,0.049960719135182616,0.037617329670977424,0.11273920515822683,0.05901256647911094,0.0,0.0,0.12120511695305256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03668263576587419,0.0,0.2836694091181638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819551057041874,0.1875752497968005,0.09045656600087276,0.0,0.028018467014931214,0.12347676712648165,0.0,0.0,0.20234216305503,0.0,0.023961431285274032,0.0,0.0,0.11022285752294987,0.04245278087877845,0.0,0.0,0.0873605379376167,0.0,0.11205483186754214,0.0,0.0,0.06346476390554094,0.03271669284370776,0.03184617851369253,0.03940304683636134,0.0,0.0,0.11482030531774605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028370543055788,0.03858703461181416,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nightterrorgirl,2018/04/07,"Sorry if this offends anybody I'm saying that first because I'm about to ask you if you think this could be a form of flashback - however I don't want to come across as underestimating the severity of flashbacks since this experience isn't too bad for me. 

I'm not sure what triggers this - I will be lying in bed on my back and I will be listening to the air if that makes sense - then the air starts to go thick and I hear people shouting but it begins as if they're underwater. After a little bit the voices get louder and louder and it's a male voice shouting - then I see the memory of when I was younger when I seen my dad pinning my brother against the chair. I remember I'd been in the bath and came down in a towel because of the shouting - I was 8 I think. It doesn't affect me as much as I'd imagine a flash back does and it's not as if I'm entirely there, but I'm kind of watching a screen and it appears on it. ",2.0121890862944163,3.3755198223350256,4.0067988578680245,88.26573128172592,76.66497461928934,6.752411167512691,25.002855329949234,7.413659706084162,1.0411626903553295,723,25,161,9,16,247,108,197,0.046,0.942,0.011,-0.4619,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,7,4,1,0,14,0,12,0,0,3,1,29,33,23,0,7,9,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,2,1,13,9,0,0,4,1,0,4,5,2,0,1,5,13,17,2,25,22,3,25,0,0,4,0,9,11,0,6,10,108,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822455323194952,0.0,0.0,0.2997985025023309,0.16276938966662152,0.2376710728948305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128274328400476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296303316234184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792626454589565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564624470778585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059606656680487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069180993209287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658185460418471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184975126820536,0.0,0.11079068610736306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971510105280906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20300329480545384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538425234082413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012606814011007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330564763099266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351490364028643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083259003537,0.0,0.0,0.15502661941801787,0.0,0.0,0.15534445327248378,0.0,0.0,0.2202302741116219,0.0,0.16125899034397329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182228991403131,0.13798176679968288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373161429801785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24982340149389695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498252222515465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,OffMyChestThrowaaway,2018/04/07,"Went through shit as a toddler and foster child. Want to get it off my chest. TRIGGER I was born the 3rd of 7 siblings to two Schizophrenic drug addicts. My older 2 brothers grew up in the luxury of 2 parents that took meds, had jobs and could take care of themselves. However when I came I fucked it all up.  

I was born with pyloric stenosis (a sphincter is fucked up so the baby can't digest shit, I basically could eat) so from the get go I was a problem for my parents. 

 As shit got worse and they had to help 2 almost teens and 1 infant they stopped being able to care for themselves. They lost jobs, stopped meds and started drinking. My dad became abusive towards us all and was frequently sobering up in jail overnight. Shit was hell for a kid to grow up in.  

Eventually my mom got pregnant 4 more times from 1 to 7. (Possible rape) And shit went haywire.  

My eldest brother (now 14,15 or so) became very abusive. He got verbally, physically and eventually sexually. He taught 5 year old me to masturbate, made me do it until I vomited. He'd hit me if I ran away. 

 He eventually taught me about girls/my sisters. I'm not sure how it started (probably blocked it out of my mind due to PTSD) but I began to have sex with my sisters conscentual and not. I was 5/6 years old. I hated myself. My brother would sometimes watch, then call me a peice of shit and say I was going to hell.  

At 7 I started playing with fire, one day I was playing with it in a back room with a shit ton of boxes but the fire fell. The fire spread and spread until I had to run outside. I was scared of what my family would do if they found out (I didnt really think about the possibility that they could die, just that the box's with clothes could get damaged) Luckily they found out before it got too bad, and no one was hurt.  

This was basically the breaking point for the foster system to step in. They gave my parents an ultimatum and split me and my siblings apart. (Not the abusive older brother, he was put in a group home because realistically a 16/17 year old isnt getting adopted.) My sisters stayed with each other and I stayed with 2 of my brothers.  

My 2nd oldest brother who endured similar abuse to me blaimed me for what happened. Not just the fire but also being the 3rd one born, the one to ruin his childhood. I've always felt inherently guilty about it. We argued and bickered until I was forced to split up from them. I bounced between 5 foster homes (some shitty, some not) all by myself, until age 12 when I was finally adopted.  

The first 2 years were peaceful. This is what foster parents call the honeymoon, basically a perfect kid. I was subconsciously testing out if I could trust this place to see if I could attach to the person there. Then my PTSD started getting worse, I began remembering shit that happened until I really couldnt sleep. I legit thought I was going to get arrested for what I did to my sisters.  

One night I was panicking, fucking screaming and crying. I had never told anyone what happened even though it goes through my head every day. My adoptive mother came in and I finally told her. My fear of her rejecting me didn't happen, instead she consoled me.  

While this was great, it was also hell. I was used to people rejecting me, so used to it I became perversely ""in love"" with it. I did all I could to try and make her get rid of me, show her that I only deserved pain (which I truly believed, and sometimes still do) I gave her hell, yelled tell her I hated her. I never hurt her physically but I hurt he emotionally and verbally.  

This is what Reactive attachment disorder is like (one of my diagnosis) It basically makes it very difficult for someone to feel like they can accept love, so much so that they are willing to hurt to prove themselves right. Its fucking horrible, I dont wish it on my worst enemy. Luckily my mom is the goat and has stuck through it to the point where I'm at college now. 

However I still think about my trauma every day, and it affects me so much so that I'm really bad with relationships (friends and romantic). I feel like a horrible person, even though all the stuff I did I had no real control over or even knew was wrong. I still hate myself for what I put my mom through and I fucking hate that I still want a relationship with my bio family. I'm fucking friends on Facebook with my eldest brother. It sucks that I was the one to be put on his own out of all my siblings and I was the one that had to go through so many families. I fucking hate it. 

 Anyways just wantex to get that shit off my chest",3.4610301430881383,5.188991304008912,4.68682155169784,83.37049043536628,73.59910913140311,7.459523446319065,28.44836318149923,8.177118450240906,1.958927125728408,3573,145,699,57,73,1178,352,898,0.26,0.6679999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9997,9,0,2,0,2,0,107.0,2,0,10,4,38,64,28,2,35,0,65,32,13,9,11,118,146,62,1,18,18,20,7,3,2,3,6,3,3,6,47,47,3,4,12,4,0,18,15,48,0,10,61,12,123,16,111,69,15,110,4,9,2,11,73,36,21,9,55,487,170,6,0.04197737745723102,0.19894531238104027,0.0,0.04576153752201012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042034279903806114,0.0,0.0,0.06713858717307779,0.03492854078201234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02935155834073648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039439127931835696,0.03227801215573591,0.07009871356112027,0.02558901967799686,0.0,0.03571965643616317,0.047294129618132896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572719147198755,0.0960218738202385,0.08559746792639945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708119822713927,0.2346086411851539,0.0,0.0461101780309764,0.0812158072743659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356589042740836,0.0,0.048109711315416866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04919717374868073,0.0411218489535822,0.048680430915074985,0.04295333680251808,0.0,0.04721889963884414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317698573727636,0.0,0.07073550195432263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871760672726578,0.04723622004499983,0.042450046642888366,0.05997729368584491,0.040304865290788416,0.09196833033279304,0.0,0.035705935820967497,0.0,0.0920520554144136,0.06486323538813936,0.2716518633133292,0.17545157735233188,0.0,0.09542684391195004,0.0,0.1342925738358277,0.04628020683975784,0.0,0.0,0.14848182501204565,0.0,0.0,0.2072198481785894,0.04308089974480864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028136551264441256,0.0,0.08421346443151008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17975060305894716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331213982140495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061524078799100074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582326621914275,0.0,0.0757724441227777,0.03972000952055733,0.056040450824759364,0.04255847213171388,0.0,0.0,0.0932548064652684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423851848266247,0.14749019141294265,0.0,0.0,0.0617164048200384,0.0,0.06475108263650133,0.0,0.0,0.03939292511807674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214458885927166,0.0,0.2275596587846975,0.03192568712929752,0.044666889239662784,0.0,0.18644363991423096,0.0,0.0,0.02910182808410614,0.07330605370545208,0.043857425013449886,0.0,0.0793643799691061,0.09464637173233216,0.0,0.0,0.04525871271645189,0.0401666810579133,0.09813861577697414,0.1265965757219062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047779445563805104,0.08067534867385033,0.0,0.0,0.09013598758820053,0.0475521856583583,0.035848450987981575,0.0,0.03338209540255139,0.04202667784739398,0.0,0.03345053500403255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878025725585209,0.0,0.0,0.042007693017205486,0.0,0.03556729569777321,0.0,0.08303339932792753,0.0,0.11884721528241668,0.08948459820323107,0.1340927514469348,0.07018993435356591,0.0,0.0,0.04805405418896358,0.0,0.0,0.039563181471583865,0.0,0.031561763698755414,0.0,0.036690078125426566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379481700476209,0.08248512044188584,0.033325348782478545,0.02447734636843873,0.0,0.0,0.08022236612275,0.04663841090300767,0.0284998838260356,0.0,0.04100579822420915,0.0,0.05049361654288568,0.07250995264276347,0.0,0.0692714652576475,0.04951868964124476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782689891240344,0.0,0.0,0.04827191242906738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555706771320816,0.059639049111639676,0.04589567253037079,0.0,0.108128219200302
ptsd,Mori30,2018/04/08,"Brain scan? Has anyone had a brain scan (magnetic resonance imaging)? Was there anything unusual? My girlfriend (with ptsd) has been taking part in a clinical study (for something else) that entails a brain scan, and apparently they‘ve found some something anomalous. What exactly is proving hard to find out: various administrative problems have cropped up getting the information from the radiologist to the person running the study and from her to my girlfriend‘s doctor. So we‘re waiting and wondering what they‘ve noticed. We‘re kind of hoping that it‘s something to do with her trauma (because lots of the alternatives are, well, really bad), but we‘re not really sure how noticeable ptsd is on the neurophysiological level. Has anyone had any experience with this?",9.274775985663084,11.782914201612911,8.33978494623656,59.810232974910406,60.20967741935484,10.994982078853047,41.19713261648746,10.980518767755715,5.448967025089606,627,34,83,17,9,195,87,124,0.068,0.906,0.026,-0.6569,1,0,3,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,9,0,12,5,3,1,3,22,18,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,5,4,4,4,16,13,4,6,0,0,3,0,6,5,0,4,0,60,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825311337127872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205116780290008,0.0,0.11889685801435194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063692472545867,0.08807524372044848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.483871049541648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788404958272575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069666145983413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413316936781314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205446658162778,0.0,0.0,0.15841769863821864,0.0,0.0,0.07548618817220269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942801827435135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435038089710212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045638030974096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283392833646285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328988764816842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15646056150562554,0.0,0.0,0.1261566216200861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382503225263911,0.3377848237920882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511848926074875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336892617142732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617312793980602,0.0,0.10863292400393718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990719696725647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668520189621515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,420MenshevikIt,2018/04/08,"Sudden realization has shook me as a person (note: I know diagnosis posts are not allowed. I am not requesting that. I have personally noticed that I seem to display a worrying number of characteristics of PTSD. I am making an appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss these and whatever significance they may have. I just want to vent/ramble/rant. **TW: domestic violence, substance abuse**)

I had a sudden epiphany a few days ago, and it's shaken how I view myself and what I thought I knew about myself pretty deeply. I have pretty severe depression, and I've been seeing psychiatrists and therapists (and been in psych hospitals occasionally) for years and years from that. I always considered myself well informed on what symptoms of mental illnesses were, that I was a strong enough person to be truthful to myself, that I've discovered all of my symptoms and there are no other issues to find. I think(fear?) I was wrong on those accounts. 

I've always thought that I could never have PTSD because all of the trauma I could think of (stuff related to severe bullying mostly) didn't elicit even any real discomfort from recalling them. I thought I was being truthful to myself that I had no other traumas to think of, and definitely no triggers, flashbacks, or avoidance. I always was dismissive of the *other* (what i now realize is) trauma. That was just me being hysterical and dramatic over nothing. 

Nope. A few nights ago, my mother's abuser(and long term off and on boyfriend) came to the house. They got into a mild shouting argument. Mildly unpleasant to listen to, but no huge deal, right? No. I hear the shouting and I'm suddenly, totally, and illogically overcome with fear. Overwhelming terror, confusion, anger, and most of all feeling powerless to do anything. I crawled under my blankets in bed to try and calm down. I started being in my bedroom as a little kid, hearing them fighting late at night through my bedroom door. I wanted to not hear them but they shouted so loud, and my door was thin. The threats. The sounds of objects being thrown. The death threats. The assault. The screaming. Wondering if he is really going to kill her. The crying. Wondering if we had to sleep at Grandma's again. 

And then I'm just left with the fear and the powerlessness. Crying in my bed. This happens sometimes, I tell myself. I'm just not good with hearing fights, its nothing. I took a hit of a drug I probably use to cope. It helped me calm down enough to type out something to my friend. About an hour or so later, I reread what I wrote happened. It suddenly hits me that this sounds really, really problematic. Like, this is not a normal response to that kind of situation, and that was really specific and realistic remembering. Then ""wait, this is always the same when I hear fighting, the same memory and emotional overwhelm. Wait. What? How long has this happened? ...Ever since that night? And its always the same? Even when he abused her for years after that with me being witness to most of it?"" 

And then the floodgates started to open. 

*  ""Oh god, every time I see him or things or smells associated with him I get viscerally uncomfortable""      
* ""Oh god, simply hearing his voice wakes me up from a sound sleep. Always.""      
* ""I have been avoiding seeing him at all costs for years, and I hide in my room whenever he is even near me. All two of the physical fights I have been in, have been with him when he was in the house and I snapped after he wouldn't leave despite me begging mom to have him leave""      
* ""What are the other symptoms of ptsd? (googles) ... disturbed sleep? ..."" (i am a violent sleeper. i dont put sheets on anymore as they 100% always are ripped off as i thrash in my sleep""     
* ""and... shouting in your sleep? ......"" (no conscious memory, but apparently every night i shout out things. my mom doesnt mention it much anymore unless it was a bad night, but whenever i share a hotel with someone I wake up to ""why were you shouting ""stop go away stop"" at 3 AM?"")           
* ""what else cou- nightmares too?"" (never related to trauma in a way i can discern, but have nightmares that wake me up screaming in about 1/3 sleeps)             
* ""exaggerated startle response? Does that mean what I think? ... Yes. ... fuck..."" (its not quite as severe anymore but i used to invariably freak out if someone touched me without me seeing it. My dad(never hit me, never abused me, was the chill parent) used to poke me in the car at random, just jokingly. I would flinch and recoil every time. Eventually I got to a point where I would sit pushed against the passenger side door to try and get away from it. He asked me at the time why I flinched and got scared, he never hit me. I didnt know why I did that but I couldnt stop. Now I dont do well with people touching me at random, surprising noises, loud bangs, sirens and fire alarms)   

It was like I was looking at a connect the dots, and the dots were all in a straight line in numerical order. I got deeply confused. Why hadn't I ever talked to my psychiatrists about this? Why didn't I realize I have flashbacks weekly or more? Why didn't I realize hearing aggressive shouting is very prone to do this, even from strangers in public, or in film/tv? Why didn't I realize my reaction to the memory or presence of my moms abuser far exceeds what is normal? Why did I not connect my hatred of his face, Heineken, the smell of spilled beer, or his cologne with this? How did I never admit this? Any of this? Why did I always deny I had trauma issues or dodge the question so deftly, all the while completely unconscious of what I was dodging? What the fuck do I do now? 

I feel like I wasn't hurt badly enough. I wasn't the direct target of any of his violence until I was an adult. It wasn't sexual or combat related. It didn't ruin my life(depression did that for me) like my friend, who I knew disassociates for hours and wakes up multiple times nightly from the nightmares. I feel guilty for even considering it, but I detect too many characteristics that line up for me to ignore it. I'm making an urgent appointment with my psychiatrist for the first time in my life. I've been seeing psychiatrists for 9 years by now and I've never done this. 

My sense of self and my understanding of my mental health has been destroyed. I feel like I was assembling a jigsaw puzzle of myself, was mostly done, and perhaps 40% of the puzzle just got torn off, mixed up, and the pieces thrown across the floor. I've always felt that if nothing else, I knew what happens to my brain. I thought it has been the same for years now. That there wasn't more to discover, just need to work more therapy and cope better. But there's been a giant red neon sign saying ""THESE ARE PTSD SYMPTOMS YOU DOLT"" here the whole time and I've been blind to it. What else could I have missed? How deep does this trauma stuff run? How am I supposed to self evaluate when I can apparently never be objective about these things? What use is talking about ones symptoms if I managed to perfectly lie to myself and to my doctors and therapists for all of these years?

It's so plainly obvious, I think I must have subconsciously been refusing to accept it. To protect.. something. That's why I think I was able to take off the blinders about this when I was uninhibited through the drugs I took to calm down. Its my only thought I've managed to come up with regarding why I never saw the plainly obvious truth, and instead unconsciously denied and avoided, with expert skill, connecting the symptoms to trauma. Even the flashbacks. I always just thought I was being dramatic and emotional. I never had a thought about them beyond ""oh just ignore it"". Even though I knew what PTSD commonly presents as. Even though I didn't think I was hiding anything or that I would hide anything like this. 

I'm talking to my psychiatrist soon. I don't look forward to it at all. I have a feeling it will be awful trying to say any of this. I don't even know what's next. I am not able to reduce my exposure to my triggers. I can't control him. My mom thinks I should like him and has never understood how upset I get. Even when I (of all people, never hurt a fly, never wanted to fight anyone, ever) have been so upset by his presence, combined with hearing his inescapable voice in my bedroom, that I attacked him. Two different times. I can't even type this post without crying from this. Talking. Ugh. :(

Sorry for this huge wall of text. I'm just. My brain feels like scrambled eggs. So many questions. Feel so lost about who/what I am as a person and what my mental illness means and how they affect me. It's seemingly all gone out the window and I'm put back at the start. Need to start working on writing stuff down for my appointment so I can't conveniently forget to mention it. 
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ptsd,JENBubbie_,2018/04/08,"Did anyone else try to draw their trauma and get told by their clinician they were not allowed to draw acts of their trauma, but only positive things? I used to love art in school. I'm 54 and haven't done art in over 30 years. I got a sudden urge to create on canvass; buying basic supplies and using my daughter's easel/brushes. 

I brought pen drawings into my clinical to tell the therapist how excited I feel about anything in years. I start to show that I drew rudimentary drawings of a hand choking a woman from the back of the head (my biggest fear is being attacked from behind).

 I asked about drawing during session and was told I could use her coloring tools, but was quickly admonished with ""you just can't draw anything from any of your attacks."" 

I felt so shamed I didn't say anything. Why I'm supposed to hide details of being attacked is beyond me. I went a few more times then quit when she started questioning why I kept some items in my house that helps me sustain memories of my daughter (not someone who ever attacked me.).

My prepped canvasses sit undone. Screw that clinician. I hope people reading this realize some of us have a hard enough time without conforming to your perfect worlds.

Anyway, did this happen to anyone else out there?",6.352619047619048,7.1138235336134485,6.3148067226890765,78.04882072829133,65.76470588235293,8.699607843137256,34.35406162464986,8.648137234880735,2.9232848179271707,1003,44,174,14,15,317,154,238,0.156,0.72,0.124,-0.6741,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,3,4,2,12,13,5,2,8,0,15,5,2,5,2,29,35,10,0,2,6,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,7,7,0,1,4,4,1,3,6,9,0,0,14,6,32,4,34,18,6,27,0,0,1,2,22,11,1,4,12,120,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485176705784055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392781385967086,0.22556062800468096,0.2717361195375907,0.0,0.10290113135752227,0.5008846880193054,0.0,0.0846374797070424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878823994648216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264041628551832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389968680405114,0.0,0.0,0.1137323300905021,0.0,0.0,0.0995651388445044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386000092591246,0.05565499114328209,0.0,0.1056850155977769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750733365362973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803349582059494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733504800951948,0.0,0.09860161721309528,0.0,0.11296416769160975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377798778872821,0.0,0.0,0.10932491920557988,0.0,0.1270066678675169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934299347264723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371363402126762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630907913480874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123304237432286,0.1170736078339169,0.11010036398042704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753254099354188,0.0,0.11139730063448397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326244296985656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581704231306784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620653613387896,0.0,0.0,0.12780042395635385,0.07312600063709407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836607759767713,0.0,0.0,0.21035430719851828,0.0,0.07473069677714046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240135188201868,0.2851969143460678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203652792462996,0.1986431512945596,0.0,0.0,0.10610410865779556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176368597559227
ptsd,Ptsdthrrrowaway,2018/04/08,"Am I the only one that’s tired of having to skip whole episodes or whole shows because they’re triggering!? Show after show, It’s annoying.",2.607777777777777,5.3022134814814805,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,80.85185185185185,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.4412814814814814,112,4,21,2,3,35,24,27,0.219,0.7809999999999999,0.0,-0.7088,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945067933324408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24394311670370086,0.2737937528231795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137633100503708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8038470372678017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MrPinkKush,2018/04/08,"Facebook and PTSD At first it was my way of staying connected with folks while I deal with my illness...

Slowly however I started to realize that all I was doing was looking through people's lives. Lives that do not resemble mine in any way. And I quit.

Anyone else here quit social media during their battle with PTSD and it's wonderful symptoms? Did you find folks reached out to you outside the platform? Or did they just forget about you?",3.7891867469879514,6.354487120481932,4.094804216867471,84.1838930722892,75.3855421686747,6.559638554216868,28.44728915662651,7.6454224807358475,1.966085542168676,353,15,61,5,8,110,61,83,0.054000000000000006,0.878,0.068,0.2824,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,2,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,1,15,10,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,12,0,11,5,1,10,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,3,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307054190670872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439361692732027,0.1969358745105204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815404825092064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056191172785278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567111923476025,0.16348875943989086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33943958744355485,0.0,0.16140308568784822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325016307539447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493527526340256,0.0,0.0,0.40886556390321216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592793523847268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604309299462478,0.2048640598943826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977371483712253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3051254300604726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843721153209327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Avenntus,2018/04/08,In the past 4 years I have witnessed 3 accidents on the freeway..2 which were very serious and fatal. I have never had issues driving after that but now years later I feel extremely uneasy.. Could this be PTSD?? It only occurs at night time..and I drive as part of my job. I never felt uneasy about it over the past few years but I seem to feel light headed and paranoid when I drive on freeways at night now. It almost just feels like I am doomed and am about to die.,2.554236842105265,4.236748884210527,3.698092105263161,89.69976973684211,75.94736842105263,6.0131578947368425,20.296052631578945,6.6274283507984215,0.2321842105263161,364,8,75,3,8,118,65,95,0.193,0.75,0.056,-0.9288,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,8,1,1,0,2,15,13,7,2,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,5,9,1,13,8,2,23,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,2,15,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902546932164102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507171514311743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591302392479876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28634271864870064,0.1348570275683748,0.1812484023747234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193732051832382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970264004170288,0.1873246831630068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222328296646977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911814788420047,0.0,0.0,0.3542949314434419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356777389410927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044190625563962,0.36040385273992936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206615403935945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184873836157308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007306169228667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557546752423244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646842665324152
ptsd,Bleue_fer,2018/04/08,"New issue related to my PTSD Hi everybody, I'm in a relationship for 8 years now and I realized I have a PTSD (I've been raped when I was teen and sexuals assaults when I was child) for around one year and a half, and I see a psychiatrist for that. A few months ago during sex, I accepted my partner in a bad position (but at this time I thank it was ok) and I felt that like a new rape, I couldn't move or say anything because I was paralized... And he couldn't see my face at this moment so he finished without knowing that I felt like that. Now, I don't really want have sex with him again and I'm very affraid for the future if my desire doesn't come back. Does someone who's living or has living something like that ? If so, how did you manage to cope ?
My psychiatrist suggested that we live apart from each other during some time (until I want him again). Do you think it could work ?

Thank you for your aswers (sorry if I made mistakes, english is not my first language)",2.69445,4.146248144999999,4.153000000000001,87.55150000000002,75.05,7.4,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.2673499999999995,759,24,163,12,16,252,117,200,0.114,0.7979999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.7856,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,4,0,2,11,12,3,0,8,1,16,5,1,2,0,36,30,19,0,10,8,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,12,12,0,0,6,0,0,2,6,5,0,3,9,5,27,7,16,18,3,28,0,0,2,4,16,6,0,6,23,109,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412911590325534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523365899987333,0.12465736204122245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767526773879052,0.11692011444851515,0.08536165522547101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206243883437256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180343418371708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225421540764529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26890362023674524,0.0,0.0,0.11911037708384838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615608099214414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695742717321237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052363579613538,0.0,0.3709500646659387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325008070223837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111771483314759,0.1488308920439076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704858064899804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488869337728073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32737771081798706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970750456445988,0.0,0.0,0.15034098986072636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135834644367426,0.0,0.0,0.2231733041791384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864789159024805,0.10780277751791807,0.0,0.15675334530055302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25784363530378074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972627087442364,0.0,0.0,0.16330651410876282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554031785303208,0.1651879347299768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498497766543538,0.0,0.1019443042476581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803508669669144
ptsd,Bunny1965,2018/04/08,"Not my trauma, but still traumatized? (NSFW)
I have really bad PTSD induced anxiety due to rape situations and being a victim to dozens of emotionally abusive relationships, and I am engaged to a HVAC service technician. One day he was going to do a check up on a furnace, he called before hand and he even gave notice the day before, and I was at school at the time so I didn't see the message till a little later. He walked into the house because the door was unlocked (because some people leave their door unlocked if they're downstairs or something) and he walked into the kitchen and it was a crack house, immediately he had a gun pointed at him and he froze for a second and ran back to his van, the guy shot half a dozen times and hit the rear view mirror, he almost got shot so many times while running to the van, and when I saw this I was hysterically sobbing in the middle of the school hall and when I got home I got to my mom and kept screaming ""he almost died he almost died"" and my mom thought I said he died because I could barely breathe, he seems to be over it now but every time he is a little late coming home from work or hasn't replied in awhile I get so scared hes dead and late at night I can't sleep because I'm scared this is the last day I'll have with him. I don't know what to do. ",4.940388888888889,4.83286395555556,5.6756944444444475,84.42687500000002,68.7037037037037,8.083333333333334,27.98611111111111,7.413659706084162,1.3681666666666663,1028,30,220,9,16,336,149,270,0.226,0.742,0.032,-0.9962,0,0,1,1,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,9,9,2,2,22,0,21,5,3,1,0,34,38,26,4,2,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,5,18,1,1,4,0,1,6,5,8,0,5,16,7,21,1,26,18,1,42,0,1,3,1,26,16,1,8,20,130,26,4,0.0,0.11770967329655645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984443088715608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600000464054713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639153132167074,0.0829504005199644,0.24224346763252266,0.0,0.1690735625401629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144415648730484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557844279218316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932030933078332,0.0,0.0,0.19221133740455548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30931877716798306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175174088577172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561760247744147,0.0,0.08370393577873263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051904585240875184,0.0,0.056461056991798785,0.0,0.2383700546121856,0.0,0.0,0.09836891836002573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930581458322255,0.0,0.0,0.22926566055711986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459838486400855,0.08098087453848704,0.22413496027166988,0.10519388144872764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914311923341568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072202839401123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327074650198337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323021066137832,0.0,0.0,0.11310695241208475,0.0,0.0,0.06731994026509001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887453914072007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391480629264172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613105393263655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364408270011733,0.0,0.0,0.1066612480011435,0.0,0.0,0.09450152536098508,0.0,0.198926889402912,0.20108846364575012,0.0791665106313898,0.09044156524660388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166992829461274,0.0994185137979362,0.0,0.0,0.07648199468889147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933845625889338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887023565885606,0.2317195944724484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232562940909558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fracure84,2018/04/09,"how to heal from ptsd. mdma+ psychotherapy is the only way out.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetwburns/2017/08/28/fda-designates-mdma-as-breakthrough-therapy-for-post-traumatic-stress/#7fd4ae287460

https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/76voek/how_i_found_a_therapist_advice_for_those_searching/?st=jfsqjmz1&sh=6cf30b41

i had ptsd,i've done this and i'm healed now.



",47.3868,61.07004208000001,16.096000000000004,-11.431999999999961,8.199999999999989,6.8000000000000025,17.0,7.554174236665415,1.2233999999999994,352,3,20,3,5,63,23,25,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324849468649739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068148776567627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280228467491947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28713993008324645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7009354710162339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34343711331148996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379792220975409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,goaway432,2018/04/09,"Frustration and getting help I was diagnosed with severe PTSD, major depressive disorder, and borderline about 7 years ago.   I've been in therapy since and it + medication has the depression mostly controlled.

I found out today I'm being *kicked out* of the program I was in because I don't have Medicaid.  Apparently Medicare isn't good enough.   

I'm getting frustrated.  While the therapy helped with the depression it didn't even touch the PTSD.  I can't leave the apartment by myself, and can only go out with people I truly trust.  I've lost the services I had to help out and don't know where to turn.

I hope this is allowed (rules are lengthy and I'm still not sure I got them all), but anyone have advice on where to go to get help?  Everywhere I've tried they've refused me due to Medicare.   
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ptsd,br10na,2018/04/09,"Realistic nightmares that don’t end on waking. For the past 4 years, I have been dealing with sleep disturbances related to my PTSD. The one I had tonight has me desperate for help or advice, maybe even just a comment or two from someone who has dealt with similar issues.  

*edit: not being able to sleep has resulted in a lot of googling. Perhaps instead of a nightmare, this is a “
Hypnagogic Hallucination” 


About once a week I am woken up by a “nightmare” (calling it this for lack of a better term.) The nightmare is always brief and is set exactly in my setting (my room, the hotel I’m staying in, etc.) It’s hard to call it a night mare because it occurs as I’m waking from sleep, but in the moment it feels as though I’m waking because of the thing happening in the nightmare. 

For example, tonight I woke with a start and saw a man peeking his head into my bedroom. My door was ajar and I clearly saw a mans face, leaning over and peering into my room. I yelled out (actually yelled, I was awake at this point) “what are you doing?” Or “who are you?” I’m not sure. But I grabbed my phone, dialed 911 and jumped out of bed and turned on the light. It was as I was jumping out of bed I recognized this might be another situation where I was having a nightmare, so I didn’t call 911. But 80% of my brain was still full on functioning as if there was an intruder in my home. I literally went as far as to grab a knife and check every inch of my home. I stood in my entry way with the knife and phone in my hand for a good 10 minutes trying to reason with myself that it wasn’t real. It’s hard to describe how my brain felt so torn. One part of me was constantly aware that it wasn’t real, but there was and is this part of me that can’t shake how real it felt. 

Even now, I am in bed with every light on and I can’t sleep. Logically, nobody is here. But I am terrified and the adrenaline and fight-or-flight dump I just got has me completely freaked out. I’m convinced if I turn off the lights and relax, it will happen again or I was wrong and it was real and I’m about to get murdered. 

I have never had the effect of one of these episodes last this long. Normally they are more vague. I wake to the “knowledge” that someone is there, but I’ve never actually had a full on hallucination. 

Has anyone experienced this? Maybe I need to finally seek professional help. It’s getting out of control. 

",3.3556172839506178,4.522777545267491,4.801337448559675,84.68435185185189,72.93004115226337,7.786831275720165,26.87448559670782,8.256446698504663,1.6339695473251026,1861,65,392,29,36,623,228,486,0.086,0.858,0.056,-0.9049,0,0,0,0,1,0,56.0,0,2,1,3,20,11,2,2,29,0,46,13,13,6,5,69,70,38,1,5,16,0,8,0,0,2,0,2,9,2,30,28,0,1,7,2,1,5,10,6,0,4,27,16,45,5,69,39,9,61,0,0,2,0,17,33,0,8,19,280,75,2,0.08469726408752036,0.0,0.16530462404438304,0.0,0.0,0.0827651862170276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704749086771789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881246628626305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922229635947353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326133211233818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490784723525225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891003155773473,0.2594561290655474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880346996288181,0.0915276532242957,0.09499518362869994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873191602298476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501663650168136,0.0,0.09445983816822956,0.11188348826177026,0.0,0.1427221959135646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04282548159069105,0.0,0.16264531165740054,0.09278171283831677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850164947013996,0.0,0.0,0.07104004668213522,0.06774013933311243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497950218311682,0.0,0.15174422476865235,0.0,0.08692382811507672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354158155232373,0.0,0.16991652334517005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840193866732929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690395746245801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495441344998799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200658512438375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017957172391449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985041259920143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280194812575993,0.1306475029700049,0.0,0.0,0.0794826447961179,0.08298533587386746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019982203354142,0.17217917438438138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18343776663730416,0.08085312226673243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006629113782057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990065692659682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3856161164899838,0.0,0.08708289379138487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952032735106279,0.33903372575485635,0.0,0.1435274340166908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994915945557276,0.09027601418772216,0.06763934450820996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982616905154005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05626909877718568,0.0,0.08321463193449065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750388264099561,0.18425260379117148,0.0827369200196937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722874589953723,0.06793903639079513,0.0,0.0,0.07851521235470957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260316228043808,0.0,0.05454226116348106
ptsd,kirainoko,2018/04/09,"I need help handling stress I'm a student, and I should have graduated last spring, but I was on a sick leave for about a year, after being diagnosed. Now I'm back to school and it started well. Now again all of a sudden I cannot focus on my classes at all. I get huge anxiety attacks if I even try to think about the work I need to do. It's not much, and the tasks should be easy and simple, but I just can't get over the anxiety no matter how I try. I hate myself for it. I want to graduate, and I want to do the work I need to. Why can't I? I don't want to go to another sick leave. It would be disappointing. How do I cope with the stress?

This is my first time posting here, so sorry if it's messy. I just need help. ",0.09395833333333314,1.6373763125000025,2.5825,95.54583333333336,82.75,6.016666666666668,18.791666666666664,7.03164865440522,-0.03197083333333328,550,13,139,7,15,190,86,160,0.249,0.633,0.118,-0.9766,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,14,6,2,2,9,0,16,3,0,2,2,29,31,12,0,12,7,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,5,1,1,1,0,20,1,19,24,3,19,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,12,97,26,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541775454764534,0.22677018713098465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16861748269368518,0.0,0.1139692157584126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504364640447251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789549397578064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260727421441514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487383933329024,0.0,0.08423476103850422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463329493312332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869257538431784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120816098367223,0.0,0.3138794042709265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895606307525614,0.4396021489804303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195028187711012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000284785015733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659160567378437,0.10490828753220853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395626308573198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497104524775643,0.0,0.0,0.08642613913144148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125832986167616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26226551049213265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326428872953575,0.0,0.13374219227216033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158065199211384,0.0,0.0,0.10528863461350384,0.0,0.0,0.09544646278211298
ptsd,chestyloko,2018/04/09,"Downward spiral I've had cptsd for over 10 years. One side is from my brutal childhood where I was emotionally and physically destroyed by my single parent in my father and at the same time severely bullied in school due to my low selfesteem and klinefelters as everyone always thought I was gay and in the 90s that was a sin so I got ripped apart.

I always thought I was weak mentally as my father always called me an idiot and moron for anything I didn't do perfectly in his mind. Like making his tea with exactly 2 lemon slices or when it was too sweet or not enough sweet I would get a beating and a barrage of insults.

So I thought I was weak and decided halfway through college I would drop out and joined the army. I went for infantry and loved it as it was a joke to me in the beginning, none of the insults I heard where remotely close to my fathers insults although I did cry my first night there, but that was the last time I ever did that again. To cut the story short I got PTSD from the military as well from mostly emotional abuse and physical injuries that for 13 years now I suffer with. For 10 years I hid myself away from the world. No gf, no friends, lying to close family which I barely saw that everything was perfect and yea I've had therapy for 10 years, including a new therapist I am seeing for the past 5 months. So 2 therapists with 3 visits each, each month.

So 2 years ago I started medical weed and it made me feel extremely lonely and sad like I've never felt in my life. I went on so online sites and met some guys to try things as it was easier than finding women. I kinda shored myself out as I'm a good looking guy, but I was the dom in all of it. Gay guys begged me to do things to them that u regret to this day but in return I got fake love as it was all i asked. I loved being taken care of. Eventlyally I met s girl online and we've been dating for 4 months however it's been a huge struggle. We argue all the time, in the 4 months I've been with her I've gained 30lbs so I'm at 170, u started doing hard drugs like ecstasy, xanax, crossfading, lsd etc, she doesn't help. She knows all these drug dealers, shes about 10 years younger than me and a foster kid growing up so shes ducked up too but she gives me fake love, she cares, and has compassion at the same time shes using me for my place to live, ages going to university soon and she chose the close one to me so it looks like she is trying to slowly move in. I mean she practically lives with me now. She moved in after 3 weeks and brought a lot of her shot here. I might be paranoid but I can't bear being alone anymore.

My other problem is that my new therapist told me to stop talking to my family, however my family has denounced me when I finally told them about my PTSD last year. They don't believe me because I was a great actor and so ashamed of it for years. Anyway, I had another drugged up day today. I don't know if I'm making the right decisions or not. I want to dump my gf sometimes but then the sadness hits me so hard I feel like I'll die. Kinda get panic attack seizures etc.

Sorry just wanted to vent a bit.",4.507453632148376,4.653451721792892,5.509285548686247,84.3731709814529,69.64914992272026,8.757480680061821,28.076081916537863,8.623443432112703,1.8312528902627518,2452,77,524,37,40,811,312,647,0.175,0.69,0.135,-0.9554,3,3,3,0,2,0,47.0,1,0,3,5,28,46,11,3,29,1,44,15,0,4,9,87,93,51,1,7,13,4,5,5,3,3,8,1,0,6,23,33,1,1,12,2,0,8,11,26,1,3,40,12,85,20,78,46,17,94,1,6,4,6,51,37,0,10,53,338,108,2,0.0,0.07667459311301784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736437198818064,0.0,0.0,0.06702338764822162,0.0,0.0,0.16153976912184692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06785746193604975,0.0,0.0,0.06417813314458504,0.0,0.0,0.05325347266293171,0.0,0.06049813247194585,0.07362063907654506,0.06080020787047101,0.0,0.0,0.039448583100335465,0.0,0.0,0.07290964741424595,0.0,0.0,0.0706500843216776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607944109029275,0.0,0.13195889757263266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108444218323519,0.08346935684757878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716211369142466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514039792990675,0.0,0.0,0.14558734252027894,0.0,0.06686606338906187,0.14434471062487508,0.0,0.05853681956590245,0.0,0.0618362625126281,0.058160076531451485,0.0,0.18301761589094606,0.0,0.06544190491381058,0.046231142964295334,0.0621348472031797,0.07089017804093335,0.05914671795005611,0.0550450386194296,0.0,0.0,0.04999727937146865,0.0,0.0676199813080355,0.062078824964737385,0.03677801875016953,0.054278385290307034,0.15527124012714305,0.07134656225180636,0.0,0.19222880955298585,0.0,0.0,0.11594068250581704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337591258591927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112939534763413,0.10549983584665147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570886668525487,0.15807807187867215,0.0,0.11428593172892325,0.0,0.10868562603839696,0.0,0.0,0.05501687222009463,0.23362485912370934,0.061233220968802675,0.08639316430092488,0.0,0.0,0.07049167654981832,0.0,0.06519176896371437,0.06521571304090468,0.0686505082882911,0.06534191254282046,0.0,0.20661392453760025,0.1375598398879044,0.0,0.0,0.049910830824423914,0.1250008775790157,0.0,0.06072898061905713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770271607523776,0.0,0.0,0.07592702973327317,0.071856381323293,0.0,0.06177609851460895,0.0,0.0,0.06761154967954773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061921819417734,0.1512926008321753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526474306609299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654932415406289,0.05156806421122564,0.0,0.0,0.07310752767415085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400303713681582,0.07244116051886604,0.09160871161358386,0.0,0.0,0.05410315621693422,0.0,0.06765231658176077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052014041317515185,0.0,0.0,0.07400521595295526,0.22541113619885775,0.0859851862719702,0.0,0.0,0.1541252233187754,0.15093921446648212,0.0,0.06134057335955486,0.1236725250252562,0.0,0.08787206775474894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558914512635476,0.0,0.0,0.07633907699137314,0.0,0.05190904800459698,0.0,0.058184963656304614,0.11997962125244226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194084081808312,0.0,0.0,0.3333855766488911
ptsd,alrightkthen,2018/04/09,"Fear of close/new relationships My husband is away for a few weeks, and I've basically locked myself away in my home while he's been gone.

I've noted that my lack of friends and social interaction is obvious in times like these, and, although I can't pinpoint a specific cause, I can notice a few feelings that crop up. Like, I feel ever since I left my abuser I feel no one is trustworthy (except my husband). My brain says given enough time, someone will betray my trust, steal from me, attack me, etc. (Or that they'll ""realize"" I'm secretly worthless and dirt, and ""figure me out"".)

I feel like the perfect friend would be someone who'd play board games once a week and not ask me any questions about my life, etc. That doesn't sound healthy to be so distant, but any more intimacy feels extremely intimidating.

Growing up and when I was with my abuser, I wasn't allowed to have friends, and, now, I feel I've missed the boat on learning to be trusting and vulnerable with someone that isn't my husband. I'm worried I'll go my whole life missing so many positive experiences that I see others having. 

Too many ""new friends"" get upset when I am flakey or don't answer the phone, and I feel I'm asking for too much patience from new acquaintances.

Are there any casual or ""safe"" communities any of you could recommend to start out socializing as an adult? Any tips for this kind of social isolation?",8.248170940170944,6.860235133333338,8.155925925925928,73.58089743589746,62.48148148148147,11.270655270655274,36.69515669515671,10.214889679676881,3.5289857549857544,1106,43,212,20,13,358,162,270,0.16,0.6940000000000001,0.146,-0.4485,1,1,0,0,2,0,42.0,0,1,1,1,10,21,1,2,8,0,23,3,1,2,3,42,43,21,0,3,6,3,7,3,4,3,2,2,1,1,10,14,0,1,13,3,0,3,7,7,0,1,5,10,30,14,27,30,9,25,0,3,1,0,24,10,0,4,15,133,40,1,0.0,0.2244688409161828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220834940519504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711141490577734,0.10776411618293276,0.1779957562739316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574516705511024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973093488159629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563073364300504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787693117227923,0.2112883066662566,0.0,0.0856847849163675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926598743962836,0.0,0.10659270566229592,0.3352729881848979,0.06767203224756221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29273924761318953,0.0,0.049490249021000826,0.0,0.05383477697674646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501756298872592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864220076050248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291970951615348,0.0,0.13381507364907685,0.13883452182094258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920739080752505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963426124328317,0.0,0.0,0.2744599054700117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784579464228812,0.0,0.10087973909675113,0.06418856045832509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061144210340776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169991148123683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753296488636267,0.0,0.0,0.07548408887363124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835804692327976,0.0,0.0,0.28968265163482565,0.2407822394280193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704731149800773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047059118445457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519664254556846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575781938045356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961985084051575,0.0,0.0672903928582781,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Iphone4Lyfe,2018/04/09,"Could this be a PTSD symptom? As you may have heard on the news, the Humboldt accident was a devastating event that occurred over the weekend. In my case, I got into a car accident back in October from a bus and since hearing the news about the accident, i’ve been unable to sleep, emotionally drained late at night and just helpless really and no passion for anything at the moment as I was able to relate to what happened but to less to a degree. During my car accident I had post-concussion symptoms and had to go to the ER room. I used to have major headaches after my accident but they’ve gone away completely. However, since the Humboldt accident, i’ve been getting the same headaches where it comes to a point that I can’t do anything. Just wondering if these are normal as far as PTSD or perhaps something else?",6.912222222222222,6.996247171974522,7.0719320594479855,75.43079971691438,64.54140127388536,10.544656758669495,37.189667374380754,10.25414643259724,3.8496092002830853,654,31,119,14,9,211,99,157,0.17,0.816,0.013,-0.9718,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,15,0,14,4,1,1,0,20,24,12,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,6,6,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,1,1,0,9,2,9,1,25,12,3,24,0,1,0,1,3,12,0,4,7,84,15,0,0.17077873285093315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28107269169047233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045224120556653,0.13131830402030106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711075656863878,0.1790582521928408,0.0,0.0,0.1363529217895028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266371744859,0.19210308826827588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922483928235261,0.0,0.09705748947662826,0.0,0.1365873535950396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510190694546537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19248004374324465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926458492538667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602642719119645,0.16732689843562898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144110310885024,0.0,0.16355881846918668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39926239944866215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940522930368717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28253986518604485,0.0,0.17090206720938325,0.0,0.0,0.13147381204264147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550089868820919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749799274655728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852022508438291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BiologyBaby,2018/04/09,"Biological Bet hedging *""Biological bet hedging occurs when organisms suffer decreased fitness in their typical conditions in exchange for increased fitness in stressful conditions.""*



Just learned about this in one of my classes. 



I related. Thought you might too. ",8.026923076923076,12.363400794871795,7.519358974358977,52.72980769230773,79.51282051282051,9.77948717948718,52.653846153846146,9.2995712137729,7.910261538461539,217,18,21,7,6,68,31,39,0.14800000000000002,0.716,0.13699999999999998,-0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,7,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,3,1,17,5,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5648705980031831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3608180544554868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6099469845775878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227247509848359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ynut14,2018/04/10,"How can I help a friend going through ptsd? I have a friend who was in the marines and had served in Afghanistan. He has ptsd and also seems to be paranoid in various stuff. Due to that many people assume he is weird, bipolar, aggressive, and awkard. Even as a close friend sometimes I get frustrated with him. But I really want to help him out and be there for him, but it is difficult. Sometimes he opens up and we talk a lot, but many times he shuts off and easily loses trust and gets angry at me too. These days I try to be there for him when he reaches out first, but I'm not sure if I'm being a good friend. I don't know much about ptsd and how do deal with his issues. Any advice?",2.625454545454545,3.8390596573426583,3.4254545454545458,93.65818181818184,74.8041958041958,6.878321678321679,21.391608391608397,7.348242739294969,0.38622237762237743,533,12,123,6,11,169,92,143,0.123,0.696,0.181,0.8486,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,9,12,2,0,6,0,13,1,0,2,1,29,21,18,0,2,6,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,15,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,2,0,13,7,19,15,3,17,0,1,0,0,20,11,0,4,5,82,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089372612798975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530290252425045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804922226547713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298595342242176,0.14864609637788884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523135435267646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264178353616148,0.0,0.0,0.44558097644122896,0.0,0.1506590842389223,0.0,0.08194238622724978,0.1209336598978516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932853319924112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048934346764714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792390751834574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130362993847572,0.0,0.12257902806288233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923573801834043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599091980841648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995817273333184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5056257984529723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236716922337394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312585712221205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285200876339093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505476684403436,0.0,0.0,0.13589054666901007,0.0,0.0,0.11588864239350335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407412789598101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789063086104262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504272855956957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,sp6ceface,2018/04/10,Does anyone have PTSD from being in a cult? I’m struggling to find help related to this. ,1.3866666666666667,3.777807666666668,2.997777777777781,89.60000000000002,83.44444444444446,5.822222222222222,20.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6025777777777783,70,2,14,1,2,23,17,18,0.14400000000000002,0.718,0.138,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127429747077697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914107321963133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087984954630217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997969865281852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.522837020704224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.467585796672013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,BelGareth,2018/04/10,"cross-post from PTSDCombat, I'm here for you Original [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/PTSDCombat/comments/8b8xq6/im_here_for_you/)

Thought this applied here to, so why not.

I'll introduce myself first, not so I can brag, or blow wind for no reason, but so you might see me as someone who you can relate with, and hopefully, someone you can talk to.

I was in the US Marines for 4 years and 8 months, I was an 0331 \(Infantry Machine gunner\) with 3/1 Lima Co, Weapons Plt, and was deployed to Iraq in 2003, where I was stationed in Abu\-Ghraib where we did area patrols of the surrounding locale. We got pulled into Operation Phantom Fury \(Fallujah II\), and this is where I saw the majority of my combat. 2nd deployment, we where sent to Haditha Dam. Third deployment was with the 13th MEU, but we eventually got pulled back to Iraq, and I got hit by an IED in my 7\-ton, shattering my calcaneus and eventually retiring me.

[http://www.13thmeu.marines.mil/Media/News\-Article\-Display/Article/532578/wounded\-31\-marine\-reenlists\-during\-medevac/](http://www.13thmeu.marines.mil/Media/News-Article-Display/Article/532578/wounded-31-marine-reenlists-during-medevac/)

[http://articles.latimes.com/2007/jul/30/local/me\-reenlist30](http://articles.latimes.com/2007/jul/30/local/me-reenlist30)

I've been out for a while now, and I suffer from PTSD, TBI, severe migraines that put me out, or make me suffer almost every day, mood swings, cyclical depression, anger, lack of motivation, weight gain, lack of caring, lack of motivation, lack of desire, foot hurts everyday, can't stand for long, etc, I'm also a father of 4 \(12, 10, 8, & 6\), I'm turning 34 this month, I'm a husband to a beautiful wife of 11 years, and I manage \(somehow\) to have a steady job.

Why am I writing all this?

Because I want to tell anyone who needs it, is struggling, or who whatever, that I'm here to talk. I know, that finding someone who has the smallest bit relatable experience to you is important to talk, and I'm also aware that talking is probably the most cathartic healing process for PTSD.

So if you need someone to talk to, I'm here, check out the link below \(it's discord, a chat app that is free\), PM me here, or whatever, just know, that if you need to, I'm available.

[https://discord.gg/q45hHNG](https://discord.gg/q45hHNG)

If other people are available for people to chat with, maybe you can post your details in the comments?",11.958045685279188,12.081635134517764,9.134116751269037,64.66335786802034,54.25380710659898,11.839390862944164,39.49695431472081,11.10651602901591,4.461809543147208,1969,78,294,39,20,569,221,394,0.146,0.774,0.08,-0.9839,1,0,0,1,0,0,197.0,5,9,0,4,19,11,2,1,16,0,22,4,1,5,1,59,48,26,0,13,12,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,17,21,1,0,8,2,2,4,4,7,0,2,13,3,34,4,48,33,9,35,0,4,2,0,32,17,0,12,12,187,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515144778368388,0.0,0.0,0.16795148292194145,0.0,0.11377731886317452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342480616531842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807455181228798,0.0,0.06401257432419838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464274298900765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706377865489916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677221840314112,0.0,0.09044418625241864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711290737209198,0.0,0.0,0.08847469799915779,0.0,0.0,0.10271905207156157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959764174338157,0.08932068908134352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519561164914101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429773281944753,0.0,0.0,0.11241441625081296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104205331222817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542051319675915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929297514131286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009439143669277,0.0,0.1054957578078319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139806347470207,0.0,0.0,0.16763452780088542,0.0,0.0,0.2335887571776337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560017981507264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20113938630853548,0.0,0.11321757331995648,0.0,0.2455000432040496,0.10556315188522948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796684677906143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367865924817065,0.0,0.0,0.11863039635662286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35589548767624785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977831402409308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220116952326041,0.0917825841911411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833654978839437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421974957458615,0.0,0.0,0.12631302107396966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193708944275642,0.0,0.0,0.12787279742674093,0.0,0.0,0.18950876406479555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524483851278926
ptsd,carauctiongurus,2018/04/10,Music Therapy has proven to help with PTSD and recovery. The Carr Group Music Therapy study did a great job at studying this. More here: https://www.themichaeljamesexperience.com/blog/2018/4/10/music-therapy-and-recovery,17.684871794871796,24.205717230769228,9.574615384615386,41.85371794871799,49.769230769230774,9.620512820512822,27.89743589743589,9.725611199111238,3.6556051282051287,192,5,19,4,3,48,24,26,0.0,0.772,0.228,0.7783,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625569809777531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204204297721108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263317080348109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844066684558233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7521345619376579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PTSDHired,2018/04/10,"Rough Day I have been living with PTSD for years.  Most days, I feel like maybe I've got it beat.  Recently, though, I am trying to build a website that can help others deal with their own PTSD.  Today, I wrote the ""About Me"" page, sharing my story with PTSD.  Now, all I can do is relive those moments in my life again.  It feels like I am back at square one.  I know in my head that tomorrow I will wake up and it will be better, but my heart is feeling the impact of those moments again.  Think I am going to take a much needed break today, and watch a movie or read a book to take my mind off of things.  This website may be a harder task than I thought... but I am going to pick it back up tomorrow.  As many rough days as it takes.  Thank you to whoever may be reading this.",1.9347921643573829,3.247878590062112,3.092173913043478,94.95157190635452,76.7639751552795,5.9476349737219305,19.838031533683708,6.297961479604792,-0.13938547539417098,587,12,137,4,13,189,100,161,0.0,0.905,0.095,0.8876,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,2,7,5,0,0,7,0,18,4,3,1,1,22,33,8,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,7,19,5,21,22,5,25,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,4,18,94,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850147805700275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990729292554335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623088400951731,0.13977446302535615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20565619312134664,0.1937132051847152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541036503886809,0.0,0.10843372262886364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391416427610141,0.0,0.0,0.16066000604271535,0.0908747493147612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450985565229468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576240714835774,0.13247264942892212,0.0,0.11971742814053475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374543187557052,0.13620583496784705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368946396300936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966507202532032,0.10052900821673062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187083178681207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4754485734416089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712284050043958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338664381922911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30581225151934965,0.0,0.0,0.12482155883477195,0.0,0.0,0.09007167551542061,0.08687259614363912,0.1332042184542249,0.10763340140630627,0.0,0.0,0.2570232598948388,0.0,0.0,0.09204823199010613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730747348287465
ptsd,funkybandit,2018/04/10,"PTSD due to events in my life Ok so this is the first time I have posted this so near with me.
I was sexually abused from 7-12yrs old by my step father. 
During that time he also rammed a door in my head so I have a reminder of him for life. My mum caught him abusing me and their relationship was over. I’m not going to go into the depraved things he did to me. 
From the age of 13-15 my mother was in a domestically violent relationship where I often had to come between them to stop him chocking my mother, to calling the police. They were on a circle repeating the same things over and over. By 15 I had a gut full and moved out to my grandparents, then a year later moved out on my own. He had a rage one night and beat my mother quite badly. I got her out of there and arranged for family to come get her things and move her in with me. She and I took off for a 3 week adventure to get her head straight. 
She never went back. 
At 18 I fall for a loser who had violent tendencies, I fell pregnant and he beat me till I miscarried I took out a AVO and never saw him again. 
At this stage I got mentally strong and angry, I took my ex stepfather to court on child sexual abuse charges. And yes I WON and he went to jail. 
My next relationship went really well for 10 years he was hot headed and stubborn but never violent until 10 yrs in i threw a tea towel at him when he was being a jerk and he ran and grabbed me by the throat in front of our daughter. That was it for me I left. 
Fast forward now I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years, super chill person never violent, things are humming along nicely. 
I had a case against a colleague for sexual harassment and that triggered my to the days back in my court case and gave me shocking anxiety. 
My problem is I’ve been through psychologists, psychiatrist, etc and non have helped. I feel like it buried. I’ve tried sooo many meds. None help. 
I’ve tried mindfullness without success. 
I have PTSD, GAD and SAD. For the most part I am ok but I get triggered. I don’t like people touching me, especially my face. I can’t sleep with the door open, I also have the hardest time falling asleep, my mind wont turn off. I have about 8-10 jolt wake ups a night and find it hard to resettle myself. I’m chronically tired. It almost like I’m checking if someone’s there and I’m on guard hyper vigilant 
I can’t sleep without medical intervention.
Currently taking Ambien, metropolis, about to move to a new anti depressant, also on other meds for my autoimmune condition. 

My question is for those that have trauma and have trouble sleeping, what have you tried that has helped?",2.5901701323251416,4.434431107750477,4.1301606805293005,85.9341446124764,76.29678638941398,7.4733459357277905,23.976370510396976,8.321376580360154,1.4226582230623817,2052,66,426,38,46,683,263,529,0.157,0.775,0.068,-0.9936,3,0,0,0,2,0,52.0,1,1,3,9,19,28,8,0,27,3,35,17,11,2,4,58,63,35,0,2,6,7,5,3,0,1,5,0,2,2,20,34,1,3,3,0,1,23,12,16,1,2,29,6,70,12,76,32,7,92,0,3,1,0,44,34,0,5,38,285,90,1,0.0,0.25865996477140163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286816816798004,0.0,0.0,0.17458128955286695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0556684877643084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119105465003718,0.06075951413727278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430582157045328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536900538354806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693032382070049,0.0,0.06267628561059133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115725659418681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860063224031597,0.0,0.03679445852993545,0.051986563497246216,0.0,0.0,0.06651002789913768,0.061897721144540715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405722073541552,0.0,0.08271319653659544,0.0,0.11640087419570498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651872013813037,0.0,0.22404758125629415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632763691179473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790643022852678,0.0,0.10279853570375096,0.1066545431626852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377687714320083,0.0,0.0,0.1616610760439912,0.07330764111428889,0.07333456604431274,0.0,0.07347647641033445,0.0,0.0,0.3093699568071048,0.0,0.0,0.22449737639911946,0.07028126110241034,0.07739121583220804,0.13657854012019102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635937577236092,0.0,0.04931051371201807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880230468706975,0.0,0.050449226385730836,0.06353954274182988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969308999380656,0.0,0.0,0.06963060808406099,0.1701273621095578,0.0,0.08151852255420215,0.07739934765787747,0.0,0.0,0.046618021351697216,0.0,0.0,0.31250894824865244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846623609099405,0.0,0.06165738273896153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083858165144877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054713626833671786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337935682890628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729748640131594,0.0836378646360849,0.0,0.0,0.2425488608258514,0.1482171931211373,0.0791523473573796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837132389862635,0.0,0.06542854261767977,0.20237423732199672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402944514289539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405835655759333
ptsd,littlewarrior7410,2018/04/10,"Self-care after a nightmare? For the first time in a few months, I had a PTSD nightmare. I know when it's a PTSD nightmare because it's as vivid as a TV show and I feel extremely conscious during it. 

I've been stressed about a situation as of late. I woke up at 4 this morning. Tried to put on some music to go back to sleep (Clay by Eskmo), and dissociated away. My entire arms tingled and I felt like they were floating and detached from my body. Immediately following this, I had my PTSD nightmare. 

I don't want to function today but I have to. What are some things you do to make you feel better after a nightmare?",1.577132307692306,3.8418631440000017,3.264,88.78738461538461,81.56,5.446153846153847,24.01538461538461,6.67199483983844,0.7583723076923072,483,18,100,5,13,160,83,125,0.037000000000000005,0.908,0.055,0.5992,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,1,2,3,3,0,1,8,0,8,4,3,1,0,14,17,9,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,6,4,14,2,21,11,3,17,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,10,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093402337694133,0.1398968682554475,0.0,0.11090595348334158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090681867191395,0.0,0.20208889121352816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839837147958457,0.0,0.1746862353987001,0.0,0.0,0.1547539103518089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339791485897702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998677761959768,0.0,0.20523072692791247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888843041176972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144309767561184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521886784561647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6380172175356651,0.18289503486055586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897979967423535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450268474059224,0.18206649986340506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084060520966301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086960189014358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608782485199973,0.0,0.17245320974781578,0.0,0.0,0.12352199613996212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731004077171104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,mysterioussister,2018/04/10,"Surf/ocean therapy Hi all, 
I have complex ptsd and have been reading recently about surf therapy as a tool in helping veterans with PTSD. Does anyone have experience with it? I’m
Wondering if it could help my PTSD that is not military based. And is it the same as just learning to surf? Or is there more that goes into it? ",1.1342857142857137,3.771838619047621,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000002,91.38095238095238,7.2444444444444445,24.46031746031746,8.167268648758528,2.11476507936508,255,11,50,7,9,84,46,63,0.0,0.913,0.087,0.6641,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,15,10,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,8,8,3,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,36,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893963208370105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865031721176515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388868023584975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194372284356815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663764584764852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6968289218735747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875945328071745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619788766081125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4544745265079458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548783450394976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,PositivelyWhiskey,2018/04/10,"A new found respect for individuals with PTSD I am in the military, and I also host a discussion where we focus on positive thinking. We did a three episode series called “The Celebration of Life-The Best Is Yet to Come” where we covered information such as suicidal thoughts and PTSD. 

We had a Dr in Psychology and Life Coach, Dr. Katera Mowry share some amazing information with us, and I just want to say I had no idea how powerful PTSD is until we did this.

I have such a respect for everyone going through this and although I may not know you personally, I hope to be a friend and help anyway I can. God Bless",4.4169094304388405,5.975011680672271,5.7296918767507,77.53377217553691,70.84873949579833,9.322502334267039,30.869281045751638,9.725611199111238,2.9928143790849666,486,21,94,12,9,163,80,119,0.05,0.667,0.28300000000000003,0.9819,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,6,1,0,2,9,8,0,0,8,0,11,3,0,1,0,28,19,11,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,1,2,14,0,0,7,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,1,15,8,14,11,2,10,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,3,3,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545737085015656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088233795735365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573003107345007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668213319905472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738036939846876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943300158247448,0.14052776624672414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337228119038036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219170359115752,0.0,0.0,0.18065781543113696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053316753058478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996198961565153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569485785506047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567049973406684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588193360683527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.637859044888416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446462320753548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895814293491884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116547770460319,0.0,0.14440034622913792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21879127983763397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728343723694936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,drought100,2018/04/10,"Will the anxiety ever go away (after PTS is gone?) EMDR has worked WONDERS for my PTSD. I don't trigger much any more, and when I do, it's manageable.

However, I also have GAD. Just as I've begun healing from PTS, my anxiety flareups have gotten worse.

I'm a week out from my next therapy session, so figured I'd ask here:

Will the anxiety ever go away? My therapist believed my PTSD made my anxiety far worse than it should have been, but I also don't want to be left with it any longer either.

I hate, hate, hate having one negative thought, and before I know it my future is flashing before my eyes and it's the most horrible future.

Ugh.
",2.6529386892177595,4.420789558139536,4.6254968287526435,82.78763213530655,75.89922480620154,7.79168428470754,26.45595489781536,8.575989854853784,2.0372728682170544,499,19,97,10,11,171,82,129,0.285,0.715,0.0,-0.9904,1,0,0,1,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,3,0,4,0,15,2,1,2,2,19,29,9,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,5,1,14,0,11,20,4,17,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,9,67,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412790725931835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820862642004585,0.0,0.4096719694003398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251599215848388,0.0,0.2515697241708688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278443918094392,0.15083714786364485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422046250796793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217441447309174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965369630316061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357706081435794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145461237260501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266806894972563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841735702313792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423831195958719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090720693501112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129975965010533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310368513996914,0.15544523981287692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628593025175327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896601514542523,0.0,0.10739062698855613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518737416984664,0.09746638562155883,0.0,0.2728707384539563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,MamaHen2014,2018/04/10,"Somatization Does anyone else here experience a lot of somatization from PTSD? For me, it is the worst part. I am just wondering if anyone else out there is like me. ",3.6402150537634412,6.183023129032258,5.949677419354843,70.81118279569894,75.7741935483871,9.29462365591398,23.23655913978495,9.725611199111238,2.385959139784947,131,4,25,4,3,46,26,31,0.122,0.804,0.07400000000000001,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569871066220068,0.5231168684864348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233920440868845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42649743054703215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497070071347528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471400793050127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702487121789066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764369231799417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984017073932279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768338212723361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,im-useless-at-this-,2018/04/11,"how to help my girlfriend with ptsd ? i’m only 15 and i really need advice on how to help my girlfriend who has severe ptsd which she has from a terrorist bombing. 
anything from loud noises to the news will trigger a panic attack. 
i really just want any general advice anything i really need to help her on this. 

thank you to all in advance feel free to pm me if you want to ask anything ",1.9226923076923088,4.23171094871795,3.794551282051284,85.22336538461539,80.53846153846153,6.464102564102564,22.570512820512814,7.6454224807358475,1.2268666666666663,306,10,58,5,8,103,51,78,0.149,0.662,0.189,0.1856,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,3,4,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,3,1,15,11,4,0,5,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,10,3,13,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,0,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367957642856413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718961396661465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254361947766528,0.0,0.16110433106004798,0.19604908988124567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713470882199299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34652544280672465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555595061694062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310639526667954,0.0,0.2021909244922171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028867050186236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311950667543672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468269283948028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865736915626374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20328819138573825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,improbablydrunktoo,2018/04/11,"How did you guys escape victim mentality? My therapist told me I’m stuck in a victim mentality and need to own my mistakes such as the fact that I chose to drink before my trauma, I wasn’t forced (I’m stopping using that term in relation to the alcohol consumption) to drink it. Or another unrelated incident years ago, a sleep doctor didn’t force me to buy special glasses for eliminating blue light from my vision, I had a choice whether I bought them or not.

So with that said, how did you folks get over your victim mentality? Or “armor up” as my therapist put it. How did you turn your thinking from “SOB my life is over” to “my life may not be the same as pre trauma but I love who I am”? Anything else you wanna throw in for good measure, I’m all ears, er, eyes.",2.813141858141858,4.571898006493504,4.507922077922082,83.8423226773227,75.42857142857143,7.8553446553446555,24.83316683316684,8.617729084823388,1.6861314685314688,599,20,123,12,13,202,97,154,0.111,0.797,0.092,0.6154,0,0,3,0,0,0,16.0,0,6,1,0,5,10,3,0,6,0,10,10,3,4,2,22,23,13,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,6,2,3,1,1,2,2,2,4,7,1,0,10,5,22,3,21,11,4,12,0,1,2,1,12,6,1,4,4,81,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544392551800198,0.1753478893883321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204852589863584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502098677482705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961702444866214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793925959344375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214650287013333,0.0,0.0,0.13706486952554195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572320400300898,0.0,0.0,0.1376195912861629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246154009320884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317841814097525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808545544847768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960515899352514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166065250088474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649422098937826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607433330833526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419500320493735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371753084776372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810109465504691,0.0,0.10513360192010758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678213580114442,0.0,0.0,0.17846812615854396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170942333933986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565989240867164
ptsd,ruthie86,2018/04/11,"Psychological and sexual abuse from previous marriage, anyone else been through this? It's been over 4 years since I left my ex husband but I've only just started to get flashbacks and I've had a huge mental breakdown. I don't know how to cope with everything. I'm seeing a psychiatrist now but don't feel I'm getting help to cope. Any advice?",2.613466386554624,5.105192573529415,4.163277310924372,82.51617647058826,79.14705882352942,6.8268907563025225,25.890756302521005,7.957251820313856,1.7695226890756302,277,11,52,5,7,92,52,68,0.042,0.8490000000000001,0.11,0.644,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,9,13,5,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,7,10,0,6,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,3,26,5,0,0.0,0.3289462014981437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712968639790823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887979489735956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412538066228024,0.2844647869406525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23192427547276334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495159801586758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403780911394615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901004764885706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860895650352161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152578210489985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016458530854409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279785783162589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115015751236035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22123519867776167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22965843978185685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650797275839127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878464465940191
ptsd,Unicornsraiblo,2018/04/11,Hello everyone. I suffer with Anxiety depression agoraphobia panic attacks and ptsd Hello everyone I suffer with anxiety depression agoraphobia panic attacks and ptsd. I recently decided that I am tired of being a prisoner in my own life. I literally have wasted so much time in life due to everything I suffered with I started a youtube channel where I am going to livestream taking my life back. I also upload vlogs. Very Raw real vlogs about everything I suffer with and go through. If it sounds like something you would be interested in! Awesome. https://www.youtube.com/smashboxx If Not no worries. I am just happy to have found this subreddit to meet others and offer support I am great listener. ,5.675634615384617,9.070195858333337,6.595000000000002,64.22076923076925,73.75,9.692307692307693,34.230769230769226,9.851270322608157,4.7423846153846165,573,30,76,18,13,189,77,120,0.304,0.54,0.156,-0.9711,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,6,15,2,2,2,0,9,4,0,0,0,16,16,8,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,10,0,0,1,2,15,5,14,12,2,11,0,6,0,0,6,4,0,2,6,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450217562173165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906687637296304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257792014277585,0.0,0.11009771793525318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466439930882234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736320748274955,0.25736455870334946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569910994437653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274666627204776,0.0,0.0,0.15785808413618102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524193449746531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30339993526966724,0.06995123740549088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525486044603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359852267455788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347429694938457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162971867517926,0.0,0.0,0.1413744352360179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022809639626084,0.0,0.0,0.10134458654409892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248064359886236,0.0,0.0,0.10765465173254757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349027081573139,0.16456604524543128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181397139033992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540774033526171,0.0,0.10171201335664028,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,jakmra,2018/04/12,"Recognizing people in pictures? Lately I’ll look at a picture and i’m unable to recognize who it is even when it’s one of my siblings or grandparents, like I know who it is but looking at it I feel like I don’t even know them? 
I’ve been dissociating a lot lately and I’m just wondering if this is part of that, or if it could be something else. 
Does anyone else experience this?",2.0989330922242324,3.9060863797468386,4.49497287522604,82.93696202531646,77.60759493670886,7.552260397830018,25.20976491862568,8.418075326091056,1.6798195298372511,300,11,63,6,7,105,53,79,0.0,0.923,0.077,0.6747,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,14,15,8,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,5,2,6,12,2,6,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,6,5,44,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309021062553484,0.20967956966790854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633897180033088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790833004750909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419037048463652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703277799921939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001788164490592,0.0,0.0,0.10347297483630408,0.14619604667371414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224931414958676,0.0,0.4616894243408936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995516176023104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34369491728428264,0.0,0.0,0.1739790258947867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867048866441967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216069814777688,0.0,0.14187276402164498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754315193648438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192515673163146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,alittlesadyeah,2018/04/12,How to Help A friend of mine had a flashback today and they’re in the hospital recovering. How can I comfort them when they feel good enough to come back online? What do I say? ,2.755833333333332,4.436347361111113,3.84,88.90500000000002,75.3888888888889,7.022222222222222,23.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,0.9225111111111116,139,4,30,2,3,45,31,36,0.0,0.698,0.302,0.8924,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,4,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31557425514491644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535254873591451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4240555777232057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075118781411066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170760190426415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442262167915972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750842017402533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263686078625097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389013663366248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,throwaway18299233924,2018/04/12,"[NSFW] Recent trauma, just looking to talk to someone I'm a university student, 22 years old. Yesterday my best friend and the girl I'm in love with tried to kill herself. I was the one who found her, she had taken a bunch of pills. Luckily she was still breathing and the paramedics came and took her to the hospital. She's alive and in a stable condition but as I'm not family I have no more information than that. I guess I just don't know how to feel. I was panicked when I was there with the paramedics and waiting on any information regarding her condition, but now I just feel empty and exhausted. I guess I should also mention I've been previously diagnosed with depression, attempted suicide and had two family members kill themselves. ",4.3205319148936185,6.4932668156028415,5.311648936170212,77.90875,72.33333333333334,9.239007092198582,30.89893617021277,9.725611199111238,3.2874723404255324,595,27,107,16,12,195,90,141,0.206,0.696,0.098,-0.9715,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,2,9,8,2,0,8,0,10,5,1,1,0,28,25,13,3,1,6,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,11,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,11,3,17,3,14,13,3,12,0,1,1,1,15,3,0,2,7,76,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130265515819387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015842740293485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854301436808125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20209161817908372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218685109233265,0.17934135973776572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331439986237035,0.0,0.17868425758695702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373657371273453,0.1365138554206912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892981757752464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909729219201187,0.0,0.09710676375512227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837901207660453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947382858642814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854113216340314,0.0,0.11973287399643208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744646593994328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971281138031636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110858311684538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327527850760148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202047402437587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963142678580657,0.11996407508359798,0.0,0.17260500734174994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378556739019816
ptsd,Batstronaut,2018/04/12,"Girlfriend abused as a child by birth parents. Any ways I can effectively provide support? So, for a few years now I've been in a relationship with this girl who very likely has PTSD, given her upbringing. She has trust issues after suffering abuse from her birth parents at a young age, and her situation is only complicated further with bipolar depression and fetal-alcohol syndrome. She's in good hands now, living with her aunt, and is becoming independent with a job. 

Though I've noticed throughout our relationship that she has a tendency to push me away l, whereas I am the exact opposite, though I understand her situation; it's not her fault. She says she loves me, and I love her, but she doesn't seem comfortable showing any affection; holding hands, hugging, and kisses on the cheek are extremely rare from her. I feel bad but I do need affection myself as I, too, suffer from depression and sometimes I just want to cuddle. Maybe I need to earn her trust more. According to her, though, she has put more trust in me than anyone she knows.

I really do love her, and want to help her out in any way I can without stressing her out. Please, any advice would be fantastic. Is this a matter of trust, or is there something else we need to do? ",6.833937728937727,7.2801819786324815,7.065323565323562,74.17769230769231,64.68376068376068,10.61733821733822,33.808302808302805,10.451354775682146,3.5512097680097683,989,40,178,23,14,320,139,234,0.098,0.652,0.25,0.9907,3,0,2,0,2,0,34.0,2,0,0,2,10,20,0,1,9,0,19,10,3,4,1,37,33,16,0,6,6,3,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,2,5,14,0,1,5,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,2,4,38,13,30,29,3,22,0,4,0,6,37,10,0,2,9,124,43,2,0.0,0.2609481732586208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107607901753706,0.0,0.11768469438553608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29954126039611423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769984016174181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034612805454206,0.0,0.09194552529349724,0.0,0.12161878911836745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969223456564488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919910546820652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055679935323073464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236335606017364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381105456951899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493657618321193,0.10927701907860728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060519022753718586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379902574531038,0.0,0.09723789818442044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981625549333243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063025090365362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449575542355671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537224761648674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837511538895691,0.0,0.0,0.2445502568973485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087859299571173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872428209859968,0.11070092506010168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054563424653587,0.0,0.0,0.23645514462741574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757177246937695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024903041864984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475587857846246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477568683314671,0.1089114069326582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614198506159807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496276909897296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245767579449446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463871009072897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908604585933125,0.12990315227226104,0.17481611809130249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615166378103956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782260247014832,0.0,0.0,0.07091361173663809
ptsd,Darien430,2018/04/12,"Help from veterans with PTSD Hello.

In my country military is mandatory, but if I have negative views or I think it is immoral, then I don't need to go there, but do social work instead.

I haven't really talked to anyone with war experience before and I know about PTSD only from stories. But since there is a chance I am going to war, I want to understand the experience from a different perspective and talk about it, which is hopefully beneficial to the people with PTSD too.

If there are people who want to answer, then 

**some of my questions are:**

* When did you serve in the army?
* What was your branch/speciality?
* Where did you serve (Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya...)?
* How long did you serve in there?

**More sensitive questions:**

* What did you feel before taking the shot? 
* What was your reaction after shooting/killing somebody? 
* How did you cope with it in the place you served? How did you cope with it at home? 
* How did it influence your life? 
* How long has it been since the incident? How are your feelings now?

Please answer what is okay to answer for you, I don't know how it felt like for you and I don't want to provoke any unnecessary emotions. 

Thank you in advance.",1.0211979042629196,3.509181190045247,2.055533460347704,90.68400988330556,99.09049773755657,5.584234341509884,19.84293879495118,7.0608816371341465,0.8737800904977377,917,31,177,18,38,288,114,221,0.08199999999999999,0.78,0.13699999999999998,0.7308,1,0,0,1,0,0,52.0,0,14,0,2,18,6,2,0,8,1,26,1,0,9,0,41,42,19,2,7,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,13,8,0,0,12,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,11,4,25,4,28,31,2,18,0,0,1,0,22,8,0,7,8,130,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023691810407093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278319055888506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258267619961247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863767556073242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926363064993622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25960167633061954,0.0,0.0,0.13418881277708142,0.0,0.12740768150409493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508268648010271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889424325391027,0.0,0.1331035617813918,0.1317957366786671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585102814200626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937261615773325,0.06482790749880084,0.0,0.0,0.23486119430920085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839140794292224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092026727350348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398753683834432,0.0,0.13863767556073242,0.14565888762389492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653388646242345,0.0,0.2972967723384327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500759610460636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21953278555375028,0.0,0.0,0.13526549375385266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976986917154076,0.2133098803076699,0.0,0.12216741349826213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850253792199156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813981927342706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348002428290124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966032918062389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,survivingyetthriving,2018/04/12,"Intrusive Compulsive Disturbing Thoughts? ((TW)) Tw: violence, sex 

I have felt bad about this recently, and while i know it's normal to have them, I don't think it's normal to get them as constantly as I do. 

Even though I'm not a violent or perverse person, I get weird violent or scary thoughts that won't leave my mind. 

I'll be driving with a friend, or engaged with something when *bam* my mind suddenly is like ""so what do you think you would look like if you threw your car into traffic and made a bloody mess"" or ""what would it feel like if that animals neck snapped?"" 

Im really really freaked out about this, as I've never struggled with violence or thoughts like this. Yet suddenly they're appearing a lot, and I don't know if it's due to a recent increase in stress or what. 

Does anybody else have these? Have you found any way to cope with them? I'm going to bring it up to my therapist when I see her next week, but I'm curious if I'm alone in this. ",2.741989795918368,4.313336923469393,3.9375,88.65125,75.1734693877551,8.369387755102041,26.535714285714285,9.017664075816787,1.968251020408164,751,28,164,17,16,245,110,196,0.118,0.753,0.129,-0.4482,0,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,5,3,0,8,15,2,3,5,0,13,2,1,1,1,41,36,22,0,8,12,0,2,4,1,3,0,0,0,1,15,9,0,0,10,0,0,7,5,9,0,0,7,4,19,6,20,25,2,26,0,0,2,1,11,5,0,12,17,96,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315764830803404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399658090732013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154106782603146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937027785087312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096013747635373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546782707314295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912951831488091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988985141597569,0.09874675001654652,0.13271604011233906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155470922259465,0.10679097532619494,0.0,0.14443193402129434,0.0,0.07855548426374942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930487851725013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192781685379195,0.0,0.0,0.14635851220405888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701156812663084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607275590281345,0.0,0.0,0.11751250303298175,0.0,0.13079022442478086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27913225110839673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660632678590437,0.0,0.1470020430118343,0.0,0.2708589642662718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069125022325247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709876518096518,0.0,0.2729576581044084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014607078686864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641104595537558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583343181366447,0.1445010000877278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048789978626046,0.0,0.17713581325556854,0.13580368615868285,0.32920157111533144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971521830643877,0.1108743902538941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963797267912244,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Lami5,2018/04/12,"OCD Hi All,

Have any of you developed OCD to a degree within your PTSD? Is this common? For example I have a lot of trouble sleeping beyond the nightmares, if I hear any noises outside or see a shadow or even my reflection in my bedroom window I am triggered. The last month or so I have started locking and unlocking my apartment doors, 10,20...30 times a night when I am triggered at night. This past week I have been doing it even when I am not triggered, for example when I return from work I will lock the door and then unlock and lock it a dozen times. My therapist suggested giving myself a limit of how many times I can do this and resist the temptation to continue by distracting myself. 
Any tips for this? Between nightmares and triggers my sleep is already disturbed enough, but spending an hour on the doors is really exhausting.

Thank you all!",6.4112962962963,7.017381364197532,6.6070123456790135,76.54755555555556,65.60493827160494,9.442962962962962,33.48395061728395,9.3871,3.1268498765432096,679,28,118,12,10,218,100,162,0.063,0.902,0.035,-0.5274,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,2,8,5,0,2,12,0,15,3,2,5,2,21,20,16,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,5,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,2,20,1,16,18,4,24,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,5,18,93,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945106046199822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35959465491232034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212679806505774,0.0,0.23284009952037496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16908753178250194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986612124901457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358355047094692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436778712942967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498525001942819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870301740465264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069144572164316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33082177204148394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826297899358286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604201566475355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291859188906547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14045879091994187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527805919888256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124759859302384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16227928960580798,0.0,0.20465492958779555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083411199933036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138754735229614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832156398336148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,daneeth,2018/04/12,"I wish to say thank you for the support you guys have given me This subreddit truly helped me during my toughest times with PTSD and I just wanted to share my gratitude. You guys are so wise and so strong and so endlessly kind to each other.

I'm doing great now. After years of struggling I'm finally at a place where I feel comfortable in my own skin. Sure I still got some issues, but all in all life is balanced and peaceful. The support from this subreddit has been amazing in helping me achieve this, so thank you!

If you're struggling, I wish to say that just keep fighting. You can do this. You can become whole again. You're stronger and tougher than you think.

Much love x",2.301162046908317,4.759030097014925,2.672707889125803,92.94835820895523,80.11940298507463,5.619616204690832,23.750533049040516,6.868970318607317,0.7708652452025588,539,19,109,6,14,165,88,134,0.06,0.5870000000000001,0.353,0.9927,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,7,0,2,10,16,1,2,3,0,9,3,1,0,3,21,24,11,0,4,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,6,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,18,13,14,21,7,13,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,2,7,74,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693248202575555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752087575346422,0.0,0.0,0.16794953298776644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262033559725405,0.16903077607668707,0.0,0.3036127117880508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552816943178906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600214509971799,0.0,0.13627377703699844,0.0,0.15965440226548325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829120514771323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837313951131358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270446391385085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018196747513355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921750485375038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24384512854475365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243788106766967,0.0,0.0,0.32055710084086714,0.0,0.0,0.34796101112265443,0.14449795549443611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823044540576893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823832139193046,0.0,0.0,0.08939944601545617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042939856925672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117117529729822,0.3526103005046047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873009465201872
ptsd,uberUnbekannt,2018/04/12,"[21][M] Discorved mother's bloodied apartment with Suicide notes last Saturday. Four days later i cant stop seeing blood everywhere i go Every spot on the floor, wet carpet at work, service elevator floor, oil spots in parking garage. My dad says I might be having post traumatic flashbacks. What do I do?",4.439444444444444,7.588822203703708,4.527407407407409,78.63333333333334,76.96296296296295,6.562962962962962,29.37037037037037,7.793537801064563,2.4646148148148144,245,11,37,4,6,76,49,54,0.149,0.8170000000000001,0.034,-0.8079999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,0,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,4,6,0,13,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,5,18,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301997070276824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30074118030986946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285981493322644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29095745098067355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786617626424063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418542126349365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28385663479317313,0.0,0.0,0.28443859451525644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984216287458422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3904394059071218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598598853540665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,herzogs-rifle,2018/04/12,"Trust issues because of PTSD? A few years ago I was in a situation of “ sexual misconduct” with a man and when I tried to call him out he turned everyone I knew against me.  Good friends, people who had let me stay on their couch when I was homeless suddenly just stopped talking to me, people started avoiding in public and whispering to each other while looking at me from across the room, friends who would come over to my house multiple times a week suddenly would come up to me and tell me that I ruin men’s lives and act like they hated me. People mass unfollowed me on social media. My therapist says that this event is one of the many things that has caused me to have PTSD. Now, three years later I have new friends but I think I have definite trust issues with them. If my friend doesn’t text me back within a day I panic and worry that she hates me me and that something is wrong and I’m starting to think this is because of my PTSD. Did anyone else lose their social support because of their abuser and now have trust issues?",7.725441176470586,6.412357132352946,7.231686274509804,79.54958823529417,63.46078431372549,10.316862745098039,33.14509803921568,9.120678840339163,2.6195074509803926,821,26,163,11,10,257,122,204,0.14400000000000002,0.72,0.136,-0.594,1,1,1,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,5,1,6,17,2,2,7,0,16,0,0,1,0,25,29,13,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,2,2,2,11,14,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,7,0,2,5,3,32,10,26,21,2,36,0,2,1,0,23,12,0,1,21,113,43,0,0.0,0.1251489953126469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363066994669032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385583491745107,0.10822585007916473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121952196074418,0.0,0.1931650501583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785548807649724,0.0,0.0,0.10850652757986147,0.0,0.18197410350260254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811973643909525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882365868091463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009297319118164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32642412708898705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885936933015348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20856671010147346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187769396881536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307368705681315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800927309541768,0.0,0.05160330449335604,0.0,0.0932692887796764,0.0,0.08869885284935472,0.1181679635865172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708772105419784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201380670618117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157460090350865,0.0,0.0,0.1239288153011316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968235408401696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704118187717403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399767053688828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187275348007864,0.0,0.21534387676336225,0.0,0.08131570266708042,0.0,0.0,0.14952460462916414,0.11258277389960282,0.0,0.08830768275238395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986261339889327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489780967526704,0.09232137938581066,0.0,0.0,0.1226393954078458,0.07017291671731654,0.1353611647462023,0.0,0.0,0.061591102987389824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171280960918834,0.11489025861232455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472643859792865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726786513747023,0.0,0.15006670905475664,0.11548494885615693,0.0,0.13603877202138168
ptsd,tepidviolet,2018/04/12,"I think this is the first time I'm posting here without a throwaway. (CW: Child Abuse, Self-Harm)

I'm 33.  For the first thirty years of my life, I never even let myself say the word PTSD.  Not even in a therapist's office.  Not even online.  I still only talk about it in the vaguest terms online, and only the closest people to me IRL know about this story (I can count the people I've told about this part of my past on one hand).

I didn't ""deserve"" a diagnosis, I thought, because my trauma wasn't real.  I was weak.  I was a whiner.  I was worthless.  I deserved to die.  I wasn't like the ""real"" victims with ""real"" trauma.  Why?  Because no matter how much others hurt me, and no matter how powerless I was to stop it, all of it was 100% my fault.

I was certain of all of those things.

I recognize that now as absurd.  I have scars and unhealed broken bones--stuff I had to get fixed surgically as an adult because I was never taken to a doctor--from before I can remember.  And I know what caused that because that kind of thing continued without pause.  My earliest memories are of violence and screaming.  When my dad walked out and left me and my sister alone with her, she targeted her first.  When I told her to leave my sister alone, because I recognized what was happening was wrong, I became her favorite target.  My sister was older.  What did she do?  My sister helped her.

I realized when I was five that she was capable of killing me.  That would be my role for many, many years.  For the first two decades of my life, probably starting from infancy, fear and violence and chaos were really my entire life.

I was to blame for everything.  I _made_ her do those things.  I knew that for sure.  She found a way to make me think that.  As terrible as she was physically, she was even worse mentally and emotionally.  And she did other things too.  I could never win against her.  She was intelligent, attractive, socially adept, and incredibly manipulative; she was the perfect monster, in a way.  The world still thinks she's an angel.  My family still thinks I'm trash, and they pity her for having to deal with a terrible problem like me.  My sister--a good person, despite everything that happened--has moved on and pretends like nothing bad ever happened.  She'll never get punished.  I'll never get justice.

I looked online for answers when I was younger.  Most of the discussions about that kind of abuse focus on male abusers, though.  And I think I was really in the wrong place to get understanding.  I had people accuse me of lying, of being a hater making up a fake story.  What was worse was the people who believed me, but still didn't want to hear anything I had to say.  *Women don't do that.  If they do, it's so rare that's not worth talking about.  You're just distracting from the real issue.  Your kind of story isn't a big deal.*

The world is way more understanding now, and I've found a lot of great communities since then, but that was the response I got then.

I spiraled in early adulthood, and badly.  I somehow stayed away from drugs and alcohol, but compulsive sex and self-harm and ED weren't good for me either.  Suicide attempts were a constant too, escalating always; the last one only didn't kill me because of medical intervention.  I don't know how many men I've slept with.  I don't know how many times I tried to kill myself.  I can't remember most of the bad things I did to myself.  It's the worst kind of blur, the kind where everything is fuzzy, but you remember all the bad stuff vividly enough to know it was real.

Years passed.  Things got a lot better.  I'm happy now.  I still have problems and still need therapy and still have bad days, but I'm happy in a way I never would have thought was possible.

A few years ago, after three decades of being at first untreated and then under-treated, I finally met the right therapist, got an official diagnosis, and started focused treatment.  Between my latest therapist and all the work I did before her, I've gone from nightmares every night to them happening only rarely, maybe a few times per month.  I still have significant sleep issues, but I sleep infinitely better than younger me did.  And while I have my occasional slip-ups with self-harm or ED, they're infrequent, and I feel like I'm in control almost all of the time.  We're working on my depersonalization and derealization symptoms too.  Best of all, I'm finally starting to do something good with my life.  I've taken my pain and channeled it into a drive to be productive and help others.  This will sound melodramatic, but I learned how to be a human being.  And I'm very proud of that accomplishment.

I don't want to feel like a victim.  I never did.  But this post isn't about sympathy.  It's not about victimhood.  If you're wondering why I'm writing this, this post is here to finally let myself say,

""It was real.  It really happened.  You didn't cause it.  And more importantly, you didn't deserve it.  You don't need to drown in your feelings of shame and humiliation and worthlessness.  You're worthy.  No matter how much work you need to do, you're worthy.""",3.2629364932419915,5.4084888665987805,4.431291890390671,83.16799319570453,75.30346232179227,7.437159785224957,25.31387705980373,8.332234228083545,1.7343641547861508,3985,139,760,73,88,1304,376,982,0.138,0.753,0.109,-0.7186,1,2,3,0,3,3,159.0,0,7,3,17,43,58,7,3,47,0,85,15,4,13,17,147,146,65,6,12,19,5,4,5,0,4,10,6,0,7,49,42,1,2,27,2,1,5,32,33,0,11,60,12,118,25,98,73,22,99,1,4,2,1,60,25,0,11,66,527,167,5,0.0,0.14591575056091693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036389130802746916,0.04387090942583128,0.041106529414502976,0.0850326687260471,0.0,0.0,0.034157623072102385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03378137884663331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03856865577624784,0.0,0.17137886253275,0.15014542309120826,0.0,0.06986255557745999,0.04625028749701651,0.043080368942180536,0.07261233988183713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843411294035073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0443614207977252,0.04604205577502244,0.0327757896372876,0.0,0.0,0.02647442340145837,0.08464331541785948,0.0,0.0,0.0426043353287258,0.0,0.0,0.04201731810041046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760599134564968,0.0,0.0,0.046176717939894016,0.0,0.0424165356055964,0.0,0.10845488392310808,0.03713287377048784,0.034587139334718464,0.0,0.11068165966343127,0.0,0.03869911894229824,0.04619365606246302,0.06226967947231006,0.058653517860697925,0.0,0.13490770692441553,0.0,0.17458930002557918,0.0,0.09002034844458992,0.0,0.0,0.08578956796404552,0.0,0.0,0.10329459873618957,0.09849642332100317,0.04525874329526762,0.0,0.0,0.14520464062533098,0.0873988563232483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626732849072089,0.0,0.055031082955209525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043945819155380664,0.0,0.0,0.08569291274071704,0.0,0.0,0.1362501591303889,0.2137408871865638,0.112802458281887,0.03346194853386635,0.0,0.04346695768816436,0.044601904360135496,0.0839546180501873,0.11598181038207955,0.10027693906985057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03447240268841912,0.0,0.0,0.06979998525870842,0.0,0.03884333794792298,0.05480356617269872,0.1664766081895167,0.04124112946456091,0.0,0.0,0.04135444572759977,0.0413696346702593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032766423064897895,0.043630591893494886,0.06035424458080384,0.09131612850041533,0.22162680107481406,0.0,0.0,0.03852347271786878,0.0,0.03938942926980957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563428128657217,0.12488418500918405,0.04368103368456396,0.0,0.0,0.04445410577746727,0.03918771271120442,0.11383805359746844,0.0358440475226441,0.04288943537240172,0.0,0.0,0.04627870243637516,0.11794619485481547,0.0,0.04425979485788483,0.07856030174270062,0.047986285305312334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28034935138251643,0.078894740218605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950794372801073,0.0350572296795407,0.0,0.0979359291789703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847507111971593,0.0,0.0,0.033957714524744144,0.0,0.08216105866920352,0.041846205434470436,0.0,0.031602975204112184,0.0,0.0,0.08716807856620498,0.04375477915410925,0.2622663047512301,0.034320376222808036,0.0,0.0,0.09398687911510477,0.044903003040555514,0.0,0.03868997129520762,0.042667585412496135,0.0,0.06599028935495102,0.0,0.0,0.046945262190833115,0.14298971705340185,0.16363429504609414,0.13151874093088886,0.04033228400085168,0.06517963115392801,0.09574839971431004,0.0,0.0,0.07845175557360395,0.0,0.027870854823393097,0.0,0.04010074764516186,0.08547083362613761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033871277570540384,0.04842574862621014,0.13033712026874328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408407348190964,0.0,0.0,0.07914317238030985,0.0445179313676931,0.08965659494636999,0.0,0.0836687134553044,0.05832273877822804,0.08976539230292628,0.0,0.1057416906693
ptsd,Lamant1n,2018/04/13,"First time poster with a question regarding intense PTSD episode/venting since nobody around seems to understand. I have war related PTSD and have been coping for 3,5 years now. For the past year I kept it together despite occasional nightmares and panic attacks. But lately I can feel it coming back full force. After a long while without any panic attacks I kinda hoped they were gone for good. 

However yesterday I had an episode with an intensity so high, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced it that bad. I basically completely shut off. Flashback was so intense that I felt as if I’m completely losing my mind, while just crying and convulsing in my girlfriends arms which completely freaked her out. Also my vision locked in one line as it did back during the traumatic event.

 I would like to know if anyone ever had something like this happened, when you feel as if it’s healed and all of a sudden it kicks you down even harder again. And what are the possible causes of that. I’m still in shock that it happened at all and really worried that it could happened again. Any advice would be really helpful, I just feel really alone and lost in this mess. Majority of people around are growing sick of me complaining about PTSD, which I understand,so I’m trying to find a platform where people are “in the same boat”, if you will. 

P.S. if this post format isn’t correct, I apologize in advance. Couldn’t find any guidelines on how to post here, so just winged it.",5.552418181818184,7.14901226909091,5.7346818181818175,78.43802272727272,68.12727272727273,8.845454545454547,30.113636363636363,9.255337874911486,2.7152000000000003,1174,45,206,23,20,372,166,275,0.16899999999999998,0.759,0.07200000000000001,-0.9842,1,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,1,4,23,16,3,2,10,0,20,3,1,2,5,50,39,24,1,10,10,0,4,2,1,3,2,0,0,0,20,13,0,1,11,0,0,4,4,12,0,2,10,5,21,4,32,23,5,46,0,2,0,0,10,18,0,9,24,144,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952544052588927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095784390588236,0.0,0.07795314742825629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988652144349728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815890684997883,0.0,0.0,0.1735522310603665,0.0,0.22179066886776064,0.0,0.14990918017268626,0.08139008553567417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013679100908712,0.0,0.0839686937640428,0.3066115876568872,0.0,0.0,0.07782827714731523,0.0,0.10707504156218517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438332117515759,0.17634892236420666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478634664634276,0.0,0.09359419786386927,0.0,0.1781863116107488,0.08291476470722818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175994890564978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25859850682608443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533747048282228,0.1029908933253967,0.0,0.09681768093332052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357137742959775,0.0,0.10995946658301907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524568581602152,0.0,0.0,0.08626499136950977,0.0,0.10905298453056993,0.10640878748361422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842502503206313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605363762063368,0.0,0.0,0.2287389368105888,0.0,0.0,0.09305381195720247,0.1351579883099943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989183537896324,0.1867140195698728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418398110320301,0.0,0.1091977053739835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873407711957468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874033983271364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063483585196432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750433518180501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784608272778053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245998728030799,0.0,0.0,0.0568402246890453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618118548881237,0.0,0.0,0.202956139305317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939653448856197,0.0,0.0,0.09899367377097217,0.0,0.1384911951124557,0.0,0.0,0.12554531406427796
ptsd,nailed__,2018/04/13,"How do I stop thinking about stuff i did that was really stupid The story was I got into a fight with my classmate, in class he was hitting the special ed kid and i scolded him but, i scolded him with bad words and now, my teachers know about the incident and i have a meet the parents day in a week, im afraid theyre going to tell my parents about it and my parents always think im the nice one and im really scared they will be disappointed in me and my actions, they are the type of parents who would spank me if i do something wrong, and with the bad words? im just dead",1.3926164079822598,3.064829089430898,3.065218033998523,93.00252771618624,79.24390243902441,5.773540280857352,23.376940133037692,6.574015621080383,0.4938682926829272,450,15,102,4,11,149,72,123,0.248,0.711,0.041,-0.9838,4,0,1,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,6,10,2,2,10,0,11,0,0,1,0,22,17,10,1,2,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,8,0,1,5,0,18,2,12,8,0,10,0,1,0,0,14,4,0,1,4,68,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321915912029445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22722155655845785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775235763274883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773303635316662,0.0,0.1088257048919042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5879055111684004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477920490204218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220294006160104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6043479533301029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433680182623526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622742376205604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104751500734002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375862215108486,0.0,0.0,0.15576486981091875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892909638979138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437327211349882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914523645349146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966585325349622,0.1487685810746773,0.0,0.0
ptsd,UprisingPlant,2018/04/13,"What steps did you take to start to feel safe again? In my head, I am constantly replaying memories and editing them by standing up for myself, however I have realized recently that all it is doing is allowing me to enter into a fight or flight mode

one way I have combated the feeling is my reminding myself that I am safe now. Is there anything else? ",6.464117647058824,6.669918941176473,7.525294117647058,71.3888235294118,65.47058823529412,12.094117647058823,36.117647058823536,11.698219412168324,4.6035764705882345,280,13,50,9,4,95,54,68,0.038,0.852,0.111,0.6199,1,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,10,1,1,1,1,10,14,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,2,11,2,8,13,1,12,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295615224885102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881994114236437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30009010596413743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36327440203672456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686730482455502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24342316884868825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546957391533301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542644500997429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27009583596795866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851396126697848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,TheAshInTrash,2018/04/13,"New here. I have PTSD.

I’ve been taking a medication to lower the frequency of my flashbacks and it’s helping me cope a little bit with it.

I still struggle to do things sometimes that remind me of trauma.

This community is something I need, if I’m honest. I feel alone sometimes, but I push people away if I start to have a flashback.",1.9145202558635401,4.276355761194033,3.817484008528787,84.74089552238807,80.94029850746269,5.619616204690832,24.49680170575693,6.868970318607317,1.08728315565032,264,10,50,3,7,89,50,67,0.112,0.825,0.063,-0.2263,1,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,7,10,4,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,9,1,7,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,3,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516015399930808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282401183956841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652159289421825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283237713091325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283042066603326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434790256770636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24472575979347536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012903276763634,0.0,0.2346226772692936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841662165875554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28397140680745475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870188798927376,0.48052667204399296,0.0,0.17194664226563675,0.0,0.19400369044130453,0.0,0.0,0.2539624992608395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826526361290475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139146379893288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Gracilis67,2018/04/13,"I’m afraid that the doctor won’t consider it as a traumatic event. I went an extremely stressful event that nearly all university students shouldn’t ever have to endure. When I met with a university official and told her about what’s been happening, she was shocked and said that my case is “highly unusual”.

I don’t want to go into details but let’s just say that everyone acknowledges that it’s been extremely stressful and frankly, traumatic for me. It’s almost over (it’s been going on for years) but up to now, I have been having strong lucid nightmares. Sometimes I would wake up, drenched in sweat. I also have anxiety and signs of depression because of what happened to me.

However I do not have any intense flashbacks. I don’t know if this is considered as PTSD because of this lacking symptom. ",7.108955114054452,7.5905749801324545,7.2857836644591645,72.71019131714499,64.09933774834437,10.949521707137604,37.96983075791023,10.746095033038511,4.325410007358353,646,32,111,16,9,209,98,151,0.163,0.799,0.038,-0.958,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,3,4,0,19,4,2,0,2,21,30,11,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,9,2,13,1,20,17,2,17,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,2,6,84,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898108149062687,0.0,0.0,0.1515861574426965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890312835223386,0.0,0.14500818797564036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23110055358856435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326246626125612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940164130227206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146232315348892,0.0,0.1811268412628313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154556596224745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33524371380695905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002740657156396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417384700135347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383166973989674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215783246082676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18030913311575586,0.15074084166869114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874736194712884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342666240904065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19701904472556495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811268412628313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118037808118154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571833201374154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465362720642554,0.0,0.0,0.12206647436176594
ptsd,the3i1,2018/04/13,"I'm sort of new to reddit and this sub, but I need to vent if anyone wants to listen Trigger Warning this post is related to sexual violence and other traumas:  Im 21 years old and have experience of violent sexual abuse at the age of 8. This was only the starting of a lifetime of trauma, other traumas include, around the age of 13 or 14 my mother attempted suicide infront of me, and she indirectly blamed me. I had to wrestle the pills out of her hand but eventually, anxiety kicked in, I got weak and she overpowered me. Moving forward, throughout my entire life I've had an alcoholic father who verbally abuses my mom, my siblings and I. Now at this age I'm slowly realizing that im actually kind of smart, after 20 years of believing i'm simply incapable or just plain stupid. Currently, I'm a college student after failing to complete grade 12 three years in a row due to my mental illness. I'm an alcoholic, grew up using weed every day of my life since 13, and get addicted to pretty much anything I try, recently its been cocaine. The reason why I'm writing this post is because I'm still here, and I'm still pushing through and trying to make the best of things. No matter how weak I think I am because of my past, the reality is that it's strength that got me here, and everybody has this strength inside them to persevere and keep pushing forward. 

This is just something I needed to get off my chest, its currently finals week in college and I've had 3 breakdowns in the past 2 weeks and being overly stressed always leads to recurring thoughts of my past. I guess I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading. If you wish feel free to share your stories in comments (In my opinion I think its good to realize your own strenghts)",6.256323529411768,6.41051375,7.108823529411764,74.37470588235297,65.91176470588235,9.976470588235292,35.82352941176471,9.766711354998122,3.5410176470588244,1385,64,250,27,20,463,192,340,0.195,0.693,0.111,-0.9899,3,0,4,0,2,1,32.0,0,4,1,7,12,18,2,1,13,0,13,11,2,6,0,48,41,20,1,7,9,3,2,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,18,15,2,1,7,1,1,7,1,9,0,1,8,3,33,10,46,32,3,48,0,1,0,0,16,15,0,8,28,156,51,7,0.0,0.252692689212353,0.10406145393348402,0.11624909218047765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279231276621521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872978000673103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157632680020778,0.0,0.0,0.07456244252177527,0.0,0.08775242665622991,0.09492873969829856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300087570669914,0.0,0.0,0.12014237132940388,0.11190801101059207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180592499571958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877146455003225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984551582390983,0.0,0.0,0.10431057044580536,0.0,0.0,0.05391841765457731,0.0,0.0,0.11681463833464148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142592498684864,0.0,0.0,0.08944130375035039,0.17057326567629047,0.0,0.11747168954377415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23037057983840145,0.0,0.0,0.09478306784117156,0.0,0.11104509150694852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064046608660736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118042669162497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107464110588214,0.0,0.0,0.12489091484329948,0.0,0.11333730137197702,0.07838980529797082,0.2372079572341721,0.0,0.10298981261885164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118966518120464,0.0,0.0,0.0811015614200843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053886788749084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042558191672727,0.10848725296385824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666496008838576,0.0,0.0,0.10963967394201392,0.10529028688365932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821048622006679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209368173833112,0.0,0.0,0.07547758244635927,0.0,0.17031945895820366,0.0,0.1221512955226125,0.0,0.0,0.11664258877205408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817619648698124,0.0,0.0,0.07084428840549102,0.1366562178513057,0.0,0.08465715429027275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479782810759834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209935488636548,0.0,0.0,0.06289673630385338,0.0,0.1710740990226099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622249663240028,0.0,0.12262625561904646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601046208971416
ptsd,Chimpanzee_Style,2018/04/13,"Night terror. Hi all, I don't usually post things on here but I need some help.
I am a 31 year old male from Australia with a. long history of physical child abuse from my earliest memories.
It started around 5 when I was introduced to my father.
Long story short he would beat me and my brothers with his hardwood club and lock us up naked in a confined space like the bathroom or under the house.
I am still pretty affected by this and I can tell my brothers are too.
We grew up relatively poor in a housing commission estate (public housing \ ghetto) and have grown accustomed to violence.

I have night terrors.
If I'm bumped too hard or something similar during the night I wake up in defense mode with my fists up and have even woken up with my last partner pinned down with one arm while my fist is raised.
I want to make it clear I have NEVER hurt anyone during these episodes.
The most common reaction I have is when im asleep and someone barges in the room I will wake up at the tail end of a scream sitting up absolutely terrified, its a horrible feeling of real fear with all the associated physical reactions, heart pumping, butterflies etc.

Its getting in the way of my relationship with a beautiful woman who I love.
It makes her feel bad and she doesn't know how to help and it hurts her emotionally to watch me go through this.

Is this type of behaviour normal for somebody with my history? 

Can I be helped?

There are some more horror stories of my youth if you guys want to hear about it if you feel its relevant I'm okay to talk about it.

I feel helpless and the stress associated with this happening on a regular basis is eating me apart.

What can I do?

Thanks and sorry about the length of the post, any answers or questions would be welcomed as I am at my end. ",4.111599616858244,5.744061520114943,5.000459770114944,82.16829501915713,71.72988505747126,8.488888888888889,28.69348659003832,9.049649993220411,2.367723371647509,1411,55,274,29,27,459,204,348,0.171,0.708,0.12,-0.9791,0,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,2,2,0,1,13,15,1,4,19,1,26,7,5,4,4,55,46,22,0,9,7,3,5,1,1,3,0,2,1,5,17,21,1,2,7,1,1,3,3,10,0,1,2,8,39,5,51,39,7,49,0,3,1,1,30,23,0,10,20,188,56,1,0.0,0.12798380613245172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345602408416176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552877938981116,0.0,0.0,0.09615902585717616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019061629718177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052950108311836,0.0,0.12150584348709595,0.19134398147986692,0.0,0.12046875445187312,0.07134494794825696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215504131525389,0.2184688234101754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643500817572843,0.0,0.06138918552484913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695491903312256,0.09552006468057556,0.0,0.09676301647154964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174426908116655,0.1280019894727175,0.2172068019597463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373915214847886,0.23127125800306114,0.0,0.11667810303716986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936393252893924,0.0880491828505765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052772196065757386,0.0,0.0,0.19118526993258814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749056846554592,0.0,0.14420586457838494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009406552642254,0.08331023141821076,0.0,0.0,0.3041030581296128,0.1058348208546643,0.0,0.0,0.1133468438443712,0.0,0.07319587203363315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20690299543855115,0.10989325883900504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100501284767536,0.0,0.0,0.12294826603286844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597103367734055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152340053171733,0.08315762423556608,0.0,0.12091743910776988,0.07645577962125512,0.0,0.0862634082681059,0.0,0.12373438878444301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868208712934921,0.0944125958956068,0.0994485700174111,0.0,0.0,0.07176243761654992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299324955829803,0.0,0.11896669587935105,0.0,0.1274237688564326,0.08573975394129685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346594313936254,0.0,0.0,0.06956012623747318
ptsd,atomwhisperer,2018/04/13,"Are Any Veterans Here Part of the Anti War Movement ? What are your thoughts on this ? If you joined the anti war movement/became a pacifist, did you find that healing/supportive ?",4.803958333333334,7.517227312500001,4.42625,82.32708333333336,72.75,6.7666666666666675,32.541666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.604716666666667,142,7,23,2,3,43,26,32,0.341,0.659,0.0,-0.9176,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,2,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246184838959853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362947825524277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169300851927775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5416979897154619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789673832817502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,laceblood,2018/04/13,"Mental Health Support Discord Hello there! We are The Retreat, a mental health support discord server.
We support each other by sharing experiences, offering advice, or just an ear.
We are non judgemental, LGBTQ+ friendly, and come from all walks of life.
We are not illness specific, we are open to any one who identifies with Mental Illness or struggles.
https://discord.gg/weG3v6U",7.017634660421545,10.877926360655742,5.798735362997661,69.00967213114757,72.27868852459017,7.420140515222482,36.58313817330211,8.418075326091056,4.1164548009367685,312,17,37,6,7,93,46,61,0.136,0.628,0.236,0.7814,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,5,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,3,0,4,6,1,0,1,15,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,2,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,5,5,5,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,2,0,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754697373199096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211098214348982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468013891669327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756499242708411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387321831844132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817403489247064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683271861687356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.542880634416437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167851356391772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877212859351441,0.0,0.0,0.6113078290129413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ssattub,2018/04/14,"Service dog training I have a service dog in training and am doing most of the training myself since I don't have $20k. I struggled to work until recently. How can it be reasonable to expect most disabled people to have that kind of money?

The good news is, I have the dog. He acts very well for a 6mo old puppy. Soon I'm starting professional training to get service tasks down and start on manners when other dogs are present. Does anyone have any suggestions for service tasks? I was going to train him to bring me my bag with medication in it and to provide deep pressure on command. Any other suggestions?",4.0248717948717925,6.1446202478632514,4.807188034188034,81.43642307692309,73.01709401709401,6.731282051282051,30.503418803418803,7.554174236665415,2.1367100854700856,487,22,85,6,10,157,79,117,0.019,0.911,0.07,0.6877,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,5,0,13,1,0,2,0,10,19,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,9,3,18,17,2,17,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,8,59,14,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408989702810069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525916656656862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193440756711969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095342699778773,0.0,0.1424492435626056,0.21023195890257831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26101170415833064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525018609205657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26301329831626136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376801859631774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25770826743096603,0.2474850246676937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20733891989718325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548204094882015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620320955240505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068111533800711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22536298422872725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18247499689939425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,DatPersonalSpace,2018/04/14,"I don't know. I have an alphabet soup of diagnoses (including this one), and yet, I've never gotten any actual help for it.  I've seen many therapists over the years, and not one has offered any actual strategy to help, because I believe they've seen me through a very specific lens.  That has further damaged me-  The ""mental health"" community is in ruins.

Recently, I found out that a clinic I was going to, puts their therapy notes into your medical chart/records, and that because the clinic is tied into a teaching hospital in the area, hundreds of people have access to this information on a daily basis-  I saw a specialist doctor (an intern, when I had a referral for a different doctor, and they bait and switched me with no explanation) a day after cutting ties with my therapist (who retraumatized me) and the guy basically let me know that he had personal info about me (saying really creepy things, and intimidating me), though I didn't understand how he had it.  He also said they wouldn't be running any further tests for me, and that he knew a doctor I'd seen previously at a different hospital.  I filed a grievance, and they sided with the doctors.  I've been ridiculously triggered and hypervigilant ever since; but since finding out about the notes thing, I filed civil rights complaints, because whatever consent they got, was coerced, or through some sort of loophole;  I never read anything about therapy notes being in medical charts for everyone to access.  The only time notes or anything from your conversations would be shared, is if you're suicidal, homicidal, or it involves abuse of children or elderly-  I feel so violated and disgusted by all of this, and I'm tired of feeling like I only receive apathy and further trauma from people who are burned-out and unhelpful-  Apologies, as I know this was a bit winded.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I have another therapist, but I've been at home, unable to function pretty much for the past couple months.  The worst part is, the specialist doctor let me know that he saw I had no support system in my chart, like ""I know you have nobody to help you.""  The thing is, it made me want to fight more, even though I'm hypervigilant, and exhausted.",9.658708016986234,8.198654911980443,9.7118646248874,63.77405353236395,59.78239608801956,13.207103332904387,40.59722043495046,12.114078956130353,5.078723227383863,1765,78,293,47,19,586,212,409,0.157,0.773,0.07,-0.9909,2,0,0,0,2,0,63.0,0,4,5,0,13,14,5,0,26,0,32,13,0,3,4,57,57,29,1,4,9,0,2,2,0,2,13,2,1,3,20,22,0,0,14,1,0,4,9,10,0,2,21,9,39,4,44,29,7,35,0,2,5,0,32,18,0,7,14,206,59,8,0.0,0.09839703182403214,0.16208364755251534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641259972023822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694242800998422,0.08708194684225742,0.0,0.0,0.08236023894025142,0.0,0.0,0.1366810942610681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187391269289938,0.0,0.0,0.0935654511569948,0.0,0.0,0.09066573832512967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918898481949435,0.0,0.053558399390242574,0.0,0.0,0.08429088557616403,0.0,0.1735327319098894,0.0,0.4250102580146633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05485171386826356,0.07512070248894248,0.0,0.07935490027792848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398204592932153,0.05932874320981319,0.0,0.0,0.07590338927316231,0.0,0.0,0.09105667198362027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719748399644096,0.0,0.06642021620567942,0.0,0.0,0.08222951707614869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827500287898153,0.0,0.0,0.16699381937985794,0.0,0.0833028417760196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738425243677116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698422245501863,0.0,0.08114507003069579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858101292398399,0.0,0.08419655203950452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732208949403524,0.08369177234568669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628726701571097,0.0,0.06104904887139132,0.0,0.12810182381420213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254949774548034,0.1263218646317785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08993173205934782,0.07927769140615755,0.11514856901558047,0.07251337579177858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844885834699862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348510211867342,0.0,0.0,0.08306940343260973,0.0,0.0532019897385781,0.0,0.08199882427581079,0.0,0.0,0.07092162424919429,0.07899664775160377,0.06604225180006326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373945569515899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083986208873847,0.0942406717341878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994280357076945,0.28927165885780953,0.16551806993342735,0.0,0.1631863736620086,0.0,0.04842533258527093,0.09545022905532592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645478268118745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852241442511778,0.048983230840660766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589941561644182,0.0,0.0,0.05347949996102545
ptsd,speedyturtle,2018/04/14,"Starting EMDR very soon. What to expect? Hi, 

I’m new to this sub, but felt I should connect to people who also have a diagnosis of PTSD. I’ve had PTSD for over 10yrs now and only recently got it formally diagnosed. 

Today I had an assessment with a therapist who offers EMDR. I’ve heard of some success stories and the therapist explained a little about how it works, but I’m still not sure what to expect. 

Can anyone who’s had this therapy give me details on what a typical session involves? 

Thanks! ",3.9095103092783496,5.823965144329897,5.5614304123711324,76.7858569587629,72.81443298969073,8.561340206185568,29.650773195876287,9.188382445141503,2.89467113402062,397,17,69,9,8,135,69,97,0.026,0.8740000000000001,0.101,0.8446,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,6,0,6,1,0,1,1,14,15,6,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,3,3,11,8,1,10,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,7,47,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755804697191414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776203529058076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999727064571815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891715666375885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890010051074696,0.0,0.0,0.15757611641319427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19746733324115595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028462213298655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984375227799124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658992210913898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4606152522836381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945349927771746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945285354066075,0.0,0.1573416489730762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856904610932228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813909548521652,0.2253112910279625,0.4575143653057284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675337404356085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625633966461289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434340209129932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,insignificantsecret,2018/04/14,"What's the verbal part about? Hi All! My little ptsd shows up daily in the form verbal outburst. It's like an intrusive thought except it's verbalized. Anyone know anything about this? My doctor doesn't get it and my therapist says it's normal but that doesn't help me.

I want to figure out what it is and then if there is a med to help suppress it. It's pretty inconvenient going about my day and for no obvious reason shouting NOO and then casually continuing my day. I look like a psycho. Thanks all!",1.6237666666666684,4.226924910000001,3.4720000000000013,85.01266666666669,84.9,6.133333333333334,20.333333333333336,7.492282038375204,0.9440333333333336,401,12,76,7,12,134,67,100,0.12,0.73,0.149,0.6294,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,1,3,18,11,8,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,11,5,0,1,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,8,4,10,10,4,10,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,7,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686851358437798,0.0,0.18461831811591767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893702796239204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22962847770828546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721195441221427,0.0,0.1275014684632622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007498902106199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329514565932778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920904911473954,0.22485445269208448,0.0,0.0,0.18839482647064426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491987427887693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21981225126457885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429457447324128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282413711208941,0.0,0.0,0.26224942818105984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306658969244036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840959670145878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065484108542036,0.0,0.2604839507402256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810631611109196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232556766649156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,AlyBourghs,2018/04/14,"I Need Help First time poster here.  I have PTSD , ADHD, GAD etc... When asked what I have been diagnosed with to others it's easier to say ""D - all of the above"".  I never really dealt with it until I emotionally imploded last July.  I had to quit my job, I could no longer go anywhere, I couldn't sleep because of night terrors, flash backs & I almost took it to the point of suicide.  It was really really bad.  I began going to a psych that has helped me so much.  She worked with me on getting meds for sleep, anxiety & mood swings.  The last  1 1/2 months I have been slowly getting better.  I was going out to crowded places with my husband, I was sleeping & I was starting to smile again.

Then yesterday happened.  A little background...We moved in January to a townhome.  We lasted 1 mo because of the neighbors next door.  They became passive aggressive and would say things that threatend to make us move.  I didn't feel safe walking out of our own home & I began getting worse.  They started taping us while we walked our dogs and when we left an area with our dogs.  BTW - we are respectful..we clean up after them and stay ourt of their way.  They put a barrier of massive amounts of moth balls on the fence we shared and it fell on our side too.  There are so many more things they have done.  I'm just too tired to explain everything from having night terrors again all night. It ended with an explosion of her yelling across the fence at me for 2 days at the end of Jan.  I called the owner while I could still talk because I was going into panic/flashback mode.  He has had issues with them before of making other neighbors move from harassment etc.  He was going to let us move or get out of our lease.  We chose to move to the location on the other side of our street.  They thought we had moved away until they realized we had moved to the other side.  We haven't had any issues since then.  

I was finally getting a little better.  I walked outside today with our 2 ankle biters.  I stopped in one of the neighbors yard because of a man walking across our street.  My dogs began barking behind me.  I finally look back and that same crazy neighbor is walking towards me with so much hate & contempt it was scary.  I looked at her, smiled & waved (I am a peace loving person. I don't do grudges) I went back to waiting on the guy to get across.  He did just a few seconds later.  I glanced behind me to see where she was.  She had turned around and was heading back to the townhomes all the while videotaping me.  I told my brother about this and he said they were doing the same thing last week when we were walking them outside.  He didn't want to tell me because of me getting upset.  My husband called the owner and he told us to call the police & if I feel threatened to bring charges against them.  He could evict them if we do that.  He doesn't like them either.  

I do feel threatened, i don't feel safe & I don't want to relapse. I don't know what to do.  I'm scared of getting the police involved.  I just want to be left alone.

What do I do?  Please Help!",2.4567974047229377,4.496800027823241,3.2268806990881487,91.360625,77.3633387888707,5.804547580079496,23.34933949029693,6.7097532225279775,0.6315136544306759,2391,76,491,22,56,754,277,611,0.122,0.8190000000000001,0.059,-0.9857,2,1,0,0,1,1,88.0,23,0,14,5,23,17,4,4,29,0,55,7,4,2,4,73,103,24,1,11,7,3,4,1,4,1,2,4,8,3,22,33,0,7,8,2,0,23,11,9,0,3,33,12,92,7,82,63,14,104,0,0,4,1,81,34,0,4,46,335,114,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349577793618202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290526681234645,0.05471972568341165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4579618855297349,0.0,0.035928692481451675,0.0,0.04041759621871144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703314823274468,0.049392328997136456,0.0,0.049638951609376834,0.1625032567874911,0.04411388933794382,0.16103450762436214,0.0,0.04495754318915898,0.0,0.0,0.0934541366063858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184718573546708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655010679161754,0.0,0.0,0.034073332234732974,0.0,0.0,0.05362504072740719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406716550295751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059430742948263476,0.09358986079739404,0.0,0.11784696725120213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047483476219240255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068571199020448,0.0,0.0,0.1157533581086008,0.0,0.04494027412187823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082720421794752,0.0,0.1501328989629223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05231361815767237,0.046720620568636864,0.0,0.0,0.05216228935902156,0.05422256550441517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623984199784578,0.0,0.052996456881585184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102892041008754,0.05242924341805888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029035991301110762,0.17226589940435227,0.0,0.0,0.11480782659696875,0.05402598481722858,0.0,0.025811851752895045,0.10590639067693823,0.0,0.0,0.0887339158946369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768443021401899,0.0,0.07053374079329988,0.05356502664983821,0.0,0.0,0.05868627259547775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042171313886767495,0.39307664663708747,0.07767762100778289,0.03917548064663829,0.04074856654035613,0.0,0.056189184186656034,0.14874239920322205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03580144732847209,0.0,0.0,0.06198890245248871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046132303671222986,0.05519991724252059,0.05799548001621248,0.04994487484109143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06175970736452465,0.05311240913705143,0.0,0.05619508822428356,0.0,0.0,0.10153976365330003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05025689816938303,0.08403087518419791,0.05289569869737632,0.0,0.0421015771759143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04370453971322705,0.0,0.15861541192086626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479185618035651,0.0563136391817775,0.042193019656436265,0.044171295583206184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057791435822311124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042465685075761615,0.04617893721585478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053009845682749,0.0,0.0,0.041944015051198456,0.030807725110171637,0.060724506398822625,0.05008012076493557,0.10096962987719768,0.05870012709089015,0.0,0.057467837617548485,0.0,0.0,0.2542094939306706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348796364526084,0.04193689069344001,0.04237996566522344,0.0,0.0,0.04897732114789236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846352509512085,0.0,0.05384200116438074,0.037531507770640224,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,talkthattalktome,2018/04/14,"How do you deal with guilt trips? I have PTSD resulting from emotional abuse as a child. The people associated with the abuse keep giving me the “its been 10 years, we’re trying and it’s time to move on.” How do I deal with it? I still have a hard time with it and I feel like I’ll always have ptsd. Do I force myself to move forward? Am I being ridiculous because I still have ptsd? I feel like they’re so out of line. I’m all over the place. Just someone please help. ",-0.03500000000000013,2.1723126969696978,1.5729545454545466,98.47943181818184,88.6969696969697,4.512121212121213,15.320707070707073,5.985473137389443,-0.8327717171717168,363,7,86,3,12,117,63,99,0.15,0.713,0.13699999999999998,-0.5204,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,4,1,1,6,0,10,0,0,3,1,15,15,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,3,11,2,12,13,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,8,52,15,0,0.0,0.3561294317067933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505025858785773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916131466159386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098771966185717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905188358491086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519785593932842,0.21472915606818788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416833372125126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462702472914775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073375333219928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358138769632724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684461075776908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194611514452203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418961244355733,0.0,0.15701721904608912,0.1649692507577553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.52703000206718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273371124214796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24003770079957026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752663251534481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020345471748141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967794636485764
ptsd,ConsciousAttention,2018/04/14,"therapist says i have ptsd but i dont relate to people that have it I almost feel guilty for asking for help here because so many people clearly go through worse than me. I used to work at a refugee camp and heard a lot of heartbreaking stories from children that lost their families. Back then I averaged 3 hours of sleep working 15 hour shifts and having a several hour shuttle to and from the compound. I would often sleep in my truck, worked 14 days on 1 day off. there was only so much we could do even when the program was active but eventually the camp was shut down and we were all deactivated. that was about a year ago. After deactivation I began to experience gruesome nightmares that I wont get into.

this year while working at the airport locally i saw the children from the camp being deported back to their countries where i'm positive they will experience the violence again. For a full week i saw them being escorted through the airport gate as i walked in to my shift, it made me feel helpless and angry. this led to a mental breakdown for me. The nightmares returned and I started to find myself parked next to a factory drinking beer alone because I didn't want to go straight home to my family with the weight. I had crying spells and the nightmares escalated to me waking up after 4 hours of sleep with panic attacks and heart palpitations. Small noises would also jolt me awake as i slept. The heart palpitations only happened when I would try to sleep. 

Eventually the symptoms began to lessen but they are still there, always in the morning or in the evening when I'm trying to sleep. I get anxiety when I'm by myself and haven't been able to sit at home alone without negative thoughts. I pushed away a really good friend through this mental breakdown and I've had a separate bout of depression from that but I still notice this increased anxiety coming back.

What I have isn't similar to the combat ptsd I see people describe here. Like I said, it's hard to relate to the majority of posts here but if anyone can help me get some clarity or point me in the direction of what I might really have I'd be very grateful. I'm skeptical about this diagnosis the more i look online but then again i'm no therapist myself so who am i to say? just a bit confused i guess.",4.991062358916476,6.404283525959368,5.684457533860044,78.96508359198648,69.27088036117381,8.697770880361174,30.09657167042889,9.103633062298675,2.5815034424379237,1834,72,338,35,32,596,233,443,0.147,0.7490000000000001,0.103,-0.9587,0,2,2,0,0,0,25.0,2,0,5,5,28,11,2,2,29,0,31,13,9,3,2,48,62,32,0,6,11,0,4,1,1,6,1,4,3,2,16,16,3,0,4,2,0,7,8,8,0,0,19,12,46,3,62,33,9,61,0,4,4,0,18,21,0,10,32,239,62,5,0.07710454160277297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834852390903033,0.0,0.07720906068721838,0.15971410317479093,0.0,0.06166047406263395,0.06415715532955242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179695265634206,0.0,0.0,0.05391328825854713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208233805056634,0.0877175472461914,0.0724422549621065,0.17786589933964786,0.0,0.0940044258051386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417818952903595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641873528809264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061561702416161976,0.0,0.08469571840029877,0.09945210126842466,0.0,0.0664100287000768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903659485137885,0.075533096765154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018536450767614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084607377811782,0.1453745993892447,0.0,0.0779727459332364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047215415838631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059570777576217225,0.0,0.12085182184455995,0.0,0.08764057573542881,0.06467163129620747,0.0,0.0,0.08493934541833811,0.0,0.06818329149767306,0.0,0.06907052440067565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827385060863589,0.1033630978847134,0.0,0.15468428389526476,0.0,0.3037297678063362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037669384326281766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474839567130514,0.0,0.08416871540316312,0.06555152398617703,0.0,0.07295818157436583,0.0,0.07817190314886915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540648550773425,0.08179573391086932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056680709840301276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200155472650199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778403166021785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728295670524301,0.0,0.09046556646929778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036374234054332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728887142049426,0.0,0.07384483719155838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802621659898569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879028745072424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334407582660013,0.12263325246443565,0.0,0.0,0.06144233689875619,0.0,0.0,0.0871061850759272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858011279029641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545749914013404,0.0,0.12315157304794247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014114152697607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17904863126568854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612123933717281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046978449464914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659356775986462,0.0,0.06361932186312963,0.04547825634710359,0.0,0.06184861239949095,0.09389255958773003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432602662308961,0.0,0.22453209838990848,0.0,0.0785761151185012,0.16431856235171194,0.0,0.0,0.09930559364097767
ptsd,edenavi,2018/04/15,traumaversary i’m getting so bad again as it nears. i cant move or eat or stop bursting into tears. i dont even know what to do anymore,-0.8810000000000002,1.2256939000000031,1.495000000000001,97.7025,93.33333333333334,4.333333333333334,20.833333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.028333333333334213,107,4,25,1,4,36,25,30,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.8220000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37642517943397386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31691981898470994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4448458069176025,0.0,0.0,0.388388403515397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250698231340744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19830635724363432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859827245553295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4034161238069769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173322327874868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Vintergatan27,2018/04/15,Experiences seeking emergency help/inpatient treatment? Good or bad. Just wondering what to expect if I go. ,5.784509803921567,9.414787058823537,6.749411764705886,56.76568627450985,90.17647058823529,11.678431372549019,40.96078431372549,9.725611199111238,7.279525490196079,88,6,10,4,3,29,17,17,0.29,0.5710000000000001,0.138,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40237978448989903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714063838515403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27388400540590485,0.4042083308309181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32301817990435405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5226174151507548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,thesixthpanda,2018/04/15,"Advice for coming to terms with diagnosis? Hi all. Long time lurker here. 19M

Title pretty much says it. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. Been diagnosed for four months with depression, but after a few therapy sessions, my doctor ruled it was ptsd. It's crossed my mind a few times that it might be that but I was hoping it wasn't. 

Now that it is, I'm afraid for my future prospects. Idk how badly this'll affect me. I'm a student and I've had good opportunities and prospects but I don't know if I'll be able to pursue them.

Also more pressing, everytime I think about it directly. I either get a small flashback or an anxiety attack. And it's really been affecting my schooling. 

How did you guys come to terms with it? Also how did you kill your fears about it? Does it really affect people that much?

Sorry if these have been asked before or are odd questions. Just really in edge lately. Thanks all for reading.",1.741310309801932,4.410657821229052,3.2725672930421545,86.09167470797361,85.31284916201119,6.383037074657188,20.426866429659725,7.686295010490155,1.0901486033519556,726,22,137,14,22,238,113,179,0.152,0.735,0.114,-0.8131,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,1,1,10,10,2,2,5,0,17,3,0,6,2,32,27,15,1,3,9,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,16,9,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,6,0,1,10,2,14,4,15,14,10,16,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,7,11,94,30,5,0.1389319513501506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576269492138768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22220766259996785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628256250939186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988262007754714,0.15805515152850755,0.0,0.0,0.11600237618589095,0.0,0.0,0.11822085777724682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393551484249263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966188611890215,0.2820260122516036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422027392577259,0.1215802868724153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633707065057367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258621037562693,0.0,0.0,0.11652952921072082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756447468692465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799077579479754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370761968783758,0.0,0.07635336707762402,0.0,0.15672129257282058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295040501133712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738484514829234,0.14028166581629514,0.0,0.11089415807955848,0.0,0.20426193991513286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631792190212214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134374146120665,0.0,0.0,0.3248080327693029,0.0,0.1556355815829282,0.0,0.13896954830928684,0.0,0.2670100967725189,0.0,0.13717854108277674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048426403385143,0.0,0.14060655198923916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552294501010508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790987470687812,0.15888079440851804,0.0,0.0,0.08902198459885469,0.0,0.0,0.16202467618685945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,NinjatheClick,2018/04/15,"Received Diagnosis. Also a treatment plan. I've been seeing a therapist for about a year now. I finally point-blank asked her if I had a diagnosis. She said I do, because that's how my insurance is billed. I told her its paining me to not know what it is. She told me I have PTSD. Knowing the name of my demon was a relief. I originally joined this sub to find out if its what I'd had before I started talking to her. I actually unsubbed because of two things: I felt like others had it way worse and I also couldn't handle reading others' posts.

I know better now, that just because someone has it worse doesn't mean you don't deserve help. 

I have a plan of action. Wish me luck.",1.5271634121274396,3.681059028776982,3.64761048304214,86.59491007194248,81.01438848920863,5.9858170606372045,24.31706063720452,7.1686216300943375,1.0849852004110994,531,20,108,7,14,181,88,139,0.086,0.805,0.109,0.4664,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,3,7,5,0,0,7,0,14,1,0,2,0,18,26,6,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,13,2,0,0,6,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,9,3,23,4,9,16,0,11,1,0,1,0,14,1,0,3,7,77,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.15744280316586434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804418948799834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082943150716138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950507951073901,0.0,0.13728691922125458,0.0,0.0,0.14269052080082084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490996659749454,0.17673810440865542,0.14746018561908916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814158998168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660017547328445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882169164896022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574459021402294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716752126625157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525167416060677,0.0,0.15451739100815873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859571396967234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613818535211411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346956772661616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856565138619375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670132746392022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419600348975804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967752824351747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873260773463978,0.10718592651973732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083311150350724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576039713167736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806274801976308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553095979936304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288348045828041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389650668546928
ptsd,jjh0002,2018/04/16,"How to get away from PTSDs after a traumatic witness? I am 17 years old and I witnessed a death without wanting to. I went to see my aunt at her home for the last time and she died from cancer right in front of me not knowing it will happen that day. I remember the horrors of my 20 family members screaming especially her husband, kids and my grandparents. I also saw things I never wanted to see in my life. It has been 4 months and I get emotional whenever I see something that reminds me of it like reading about cancer or looking at a scene of someone dying in shows. I read PTSD can occur months or even years after the event. Is their any way to get away from them if I feel like I will begin getting them.",4.119374999999998,5.0514432986111135,5.267666666666667,82.944,70.875,7.704444444444445,28.98333333333333,7.908726449838941,1.8668466666666668,561,21,110,7,10,186,94,144,0.173,0.7829999999999999,0.043,-0.9709,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,7,3,0,1,1,16,23,9,3,3,5,2,1,2,0,2,3,1,1,1,6,4,0,0,3,3,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,7,23,2,24,18,0,24,0,0,5,0,9,8,0,3,15,78,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677761868383225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930326504622082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743940637877236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417523734437096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303105629961399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426055086563435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096449356797439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766111753006935,0.0,0.07383556265780236,0.10432161036808926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305172007041331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913106063757893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647683622051005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025253748219517,0.1190313721812124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314308223763327,0.14268268500306594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262577566972692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331144759808327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262490850452055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323061405466268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069757249759593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921327326203313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654199541041667,0.12470613148556825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490934783659694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372807559689562,0.11241860287206812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701375008854682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514943018496611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226083836828593,0.11590931604023688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536835234719122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076467181324093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18807300663303256
ptsd,_grottesca,2018/04/16,"How do you cope with being told you're a horrible person for not forgiving your abuser? My family tells me this constantly.  Any time the subject comes up.  My family isn't even religious (never church going or anything) but it frequently comes up that I'll probably go to hell if I don't learn to forgive.  They keep telling me I'm a terrible person and that they hate who I've become after the sexual abuse.  It's so hard knowing your own family hates you now.  It makes everything else so much worse.  The worst part is they didn't even really know him, it was a guy I only dated for a few months who only met my mom a few times.  My brother doesn't even know him.  But everyone still chooses a strangers side over mine and says he's deserving of forgiveness and that everyone does tihngs they regret etc.  I almost can't take it anymore.",4.955454545454547,5.757997108433738,6.076177437020812,78.37796823658273,68.87951807228916,10.373713033954001,27.74151150054764,10.436869588844218,2.8657301204819285,664,21,128,18,11,222,111,166,0.258,0.7170000000000001,0.025,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,2,1,14.0,0,4,4,0,8,9,3,0,9,0,9,0,0,2,1,25,24,10,0,2,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,11,6,0,1,8,0,0,4,7,6,0,0,4,2,20,3,10,19,7,18,2,1,0,0,26,4,1,3,10,83,31,1,0.0,0.29720340104472903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255895984515577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528961922902528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438252795914564,0.0,0.0,0.10320963274977374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851607890390305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160757356778143,0.0,0.13553401622763228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097555248038318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104771970524987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987599144248528,0.24851536086882275,0.0,0.0,0.2396875781206791,0.11271903670027032,0.0,0.3547032705717225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425576819185155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418510847462445,0.0,0.0,0.11235131404409647,0.2476517507472307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11147869062478742,0.0,0.0,0.20678197320602584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837185474835327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688990317335107,0.10010871688823507,0.0,0.0921978265948666,0.0,0.09673131651394712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077449339130872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581718947417226,0.0,0.0,0.21902308948802576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522352635756527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034699827597015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997386886767722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016024330632216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429991993251027,0.0,0.21924449232738585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462663382651911,0.0,0.0,0.11984378906033955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781327292134248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,LightandtheRiver,2018/04/16,"MDMA: Love of Self for the Love of Others I grew up not knowing what love was. I grew up in hatred, chaos, destruction. A little girl in a country at war, to broken parents who were never shown love. I don’t have much memories of my past. But the memories don’t really matter. They don’t change what is.

I moved to go to college, and found someone to marry. I still didn’t know love. I had two beautiful children. I gave them the love that I had saved, that was all mine. But at the time I still didn’t feel love. I saw it in their eyes, when they smiled at me, in the warmth of their hugs. I heard it in their voices when they called me mama. But I didn’t feel it, because I didn’t know what real love was.

At age 44, I found MAPS. Through MAPS, and the therapists who have since become family, I have found myself. I have found my little girl, who IS love. Who only wanted to BE loved. I felt it, the one thing I thought I would never have: selfless, pure, unconditional, uncompromising love. A love that knows no boundaries, no gender, nor race or religion. That love changed everything, it changes everything still.

I ended a relationship that I thought was based on love. But since I didn’t understand what love was, I allowed myself to be mistreated, abused and used to fulfill another. I am, for the first time since I was born, able to understand what I want and deserve out of life. To be given the one thing that all little ones deserve when they are born: love, and safety.

Because I have found my little girl, and now only show her love, my life is changed. More importantly, the lives of my children are changed. Where before they had a mother who knew nothing but fear and darkness and grief, they are now beginning to know the person I would have been all along, if circumstances had been different. Where before they were taught that love was conditional, sometimes harsh, and silent with disapproval, they are now shown another way. They understand that sometimes people are broken, for what they have gone through. But they know what true love is. I show them, every day. They understand that love forgives, love gives, love listens and soothes, love touches and changes. They are learning about love, because I learned about love, on a couch 4 years ago, and with the help of MDMA.

You can say what you will, think what you will about the legitimacy of a, for now, illegal substance to treat PTSD. My little girl doesn’t care. She just wants to be loved. My children don’t care, because they know they are loved. In turn, they will love unconditionally, whole heartedly, with no reservations. They have seen the darkness, but with it they also know there comes light. Their lives are changed, and so will the lives of all the people they know or will meet some day.

MDMA showed me how to love myself, so that I can know how to love others. One person, one family, one town, one state, one country, one world. That’s how you love. No boundaries, no race, no religion. My little girl was given this gift 4 years ago. Why would anyone want to take that from her?

After all, it was only about love. ",3.9267543768776534,5.8723972774957724,3.968699886045792,88.09133430021757,72.84094754653131,7.057992333989433,24.243965606547185,7.817275551320576,1.1297585621050454,2425,72,483,33,49,744,225,591,0.206,0.693,0.101,-0.9971,4,0,0,0,1,0,109.0,0,4,25,1,24,43,2,1,23,0,63,37,2,5,9,86,143,33,2,8,12,2,4,0,0,8,2,4,1,11,38,20,0,0,29,3,0,6,20,4,0,11,39,12,78,39,56,92,9,63,0,1,3,33,92,27,0,4,28,331,116,4,0.02937174729477185,0.034800717640644206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052072563573985695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023488575699909038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159767601678464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020537408635644967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161897812876335,0.03243878726608816,0.04998638723288462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029991837946179226,0.0,0.059892907782724214,0.0,0.2174998985821272,0.025301159542203192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788469428220003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03068722446529485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026014650106694487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024746963888918616,0.0,0.052794865134684704,0.0,0.055378138661886914,0.03305138153843807,0.029702475908995024,0.0,0.028201483508039717,0.0,0.0,0.02498359324436888,0.0,0.16102302438683835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028176056387758112,0.016692640859800868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0348056619637541,0.01968726308182464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141944175654846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04149226748012135,0.0,0.1766292421454368,0.07780737292991796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8482927578594868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031217519078157438,0.021591613818215658,0.0,0.04530660444902552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028182983689738737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791275050235886,0.06701561207789172,0.0,0.0,0.032613849458900064,0.0,0.028038656275340874,0.04072534265263001,0.0512925536333765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03433400080075101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033431478715272814,0.018816293423604174,0.0,0.0,0.031534264525013435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023357592344416585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030641138168510145,0.0,0.0,0.07288983864449086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0248865861679376,0.0,0.058098818216325995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036894599191253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022083898606616227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034102862436455085,0.03902656756610802,0.018820229687314456,0.0,0.04663577299207769,0.03425380409783265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03194802674715564,0.028691929225188026,0.12230809913664205,0.0,0.02536775918825598,0.0,0.0,0.06929687020075305,0.02331392586028746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026503433450486242,0.032792506929045916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259453968482089,0.0,0.0,0.03782888453454213
ptsd,ToxinFoxen,2018/04/16,"Was attacked by a psychotic thug a few days ago; worried about going out in the city now A few days ago, some thug who I got in a scuffle with when he was moving to attack me hit me in the head quite badly as I was trying to run away to protect my umbrella. Since then I've been worried about running into this animal and his loser friends who like to gang up on people to attack them, when I'm out in the city. I'm not sure what to do; the police have never once helped me when a crime's been committed against me, so I don't see how that's an option, especially when they like trying to use every little excuse they can find to villainize someone, and I'd lose in a numbers game of accounts. I worry about running into these filth on transit, and them attacking me again.   
   
I don't like the idea of avoiding part of the city, but what worries me is that when I tried to turn away after he confronted me, he attacked, so I'm dealing with a vicious psychotic who attacks without provocation and loves menacing people. I can't see a logical way out of this other than maybe beating the living shit out of these scum when I see them, to teach them to leave me alone, which would be more than a slight challenge. Groups of more than 4 are a challenge for martial artists, and I'm just a single trans woman who normally stays home gaming most of the time.     
    
I don't want to get another head injury if these scumbags try to ambush me somewhere else, like on the bus. This anxiety about maybe running into them again really isn't helping my C-PTSD much.   
    
I'm really out of ideas. ",10.186037735849057,6.010415748427676,9.810408805031447,71.92617924528301,61.32704402515724,12.612578616352202,40.02201257861636,9.725611199111238,3.74328427672956,1240,43,247,16,12,406,171,318,0.2,0.7440000000000001,0.056,-0.9926,0,2,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,7,6,17,23,10,1,21,0,17,4,3,3,3,37,33,18,0,4,5,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,16,15,0,2,4,3,1,6,8,14,0,0,6,3,28,9,55,24,9,45,0,2,3,1,25,20,1,4,21,169,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047603720910385,0.0,0.0,0.08790659972458159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900055568731959,0.0649303959084926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5793565748783625,0.15948879112148742,0.0,0.07086844760080195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947681994500112,0.08750408706765722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090354008711627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151222838626689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077575709648515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655754801308136,0.0,0.04434454030754209,0.0,0.04823734947423377,0.0,0.06788360120020642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421583541605756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378204293080132,0.0,0.08513818853669547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163078662483432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987210463896296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586575256753122,0.08506868937333753,0.07494762654623804,0.0,0.0,0.09495524754705302,0.0,0.0,0.07660447978432125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053998254298167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021043405528607,0.06239409511110682,0.0,0.06546209586170264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831610844232961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039084961346484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191312800693012,0.0,0.11768554793050685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992162480091964,0.0,0.0,0.0902767524018708,0.0,0.0,0.10874829564804388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029070748996085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712464940635105,0.07021083221333496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191570011515591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904672031294143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799952270335259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494922502966018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305026635666629,0.09232140942575208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330616381311793,0.0,0.0,0.05006244029059246,0.0673711247240287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181805039876794,0.0,0.0,0.34478538442493906,0.0,0.060293928550410686,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,opulenttundra,2018/04/16,"Questions about ptsd recovery My girlfriend was almost raped and murdered by 5 men, she was only saved by her friend who was looking for her. She's carried ptsd with her for years. Recently we got into an argument because it had come up that she does not think the men were bad people. And was defending her actions under the rationale that she was making life difficult for them. I brought up the possibility she might need to believe that those 5 were at fault and are bad people in order to heal, instead of defending their actions and saying that they aren't simply because they chose not to rape her (the terminology they used was that she was 'too ugly' and they still intended to kill her) which she dismissed saying that it wasn't how it worked and that I didn't understand ptsd. Does my point have any merit or am I wrong in saying that the healing process might be easier once she begins blaming them and not herself?  ",9.480454545454542,7.710053409090911,8.678636363636365,72.02545454545455,60.36363636363636,11.52727272727273,37.90909090909091,10.125756701596842,3.6964681818181813,744,28,134,12,8,234,104,176,0.184,0.741,0.075,-0.9723,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,7,1,5,12,4,0,6,0,19,5,0,5,0,28,29,9,2,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,3,3,0,2,14,11,0,0,4,0,0,4,6,9,0,0,14,4,28,3,19,12,0,17,0,0,1,2,32,8,0,5,4,101,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019914145131138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521116030346134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338039210044985,0.1706968025928298,0.0,0.0,0.15774259445678962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060565924245265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450462544152593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817087784044607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197826867830486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489960358094648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889274569722853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757259319914967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934573294719898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970555933879461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381516025771946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910539018436805,0.0,0.1064834210557133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412971134000095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235409240919124,0.15783950728692184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4909903193288458,0.0,0.15684251658600906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382423439819624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340231681851434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118116491511615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971233926045133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457546728486961,0.0,0.12092312667725982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019284755647137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307824708342124,0.0,0.09016143212892823
ptsd,Salty_Order,2018/04/16,"Has anyone experienced hypervigilance, and found a way to heal it? I live in a severe state of hypervigilance due to trauma, which pretty much means my nervous system is hyperaroused constantly. I have zero ability to relax, rest, or sleep. I can ""do"" relaxing things (meditation included here) but I do not actually relax, as I remain in a state of fight or flight and mental unrest. I am always hyperaware of my surroundings in a subconscious attempt to protect myself, and my fear of letting go of consciousness (insomnia) is a result of that. 

I no longer experience flashbacks or acute symptoms after years of healing, but the hypervigilance remains. I am still in therapy for trauma. I'm not sure what the answer is, but not sleeping and not being able to rest is exhausting. ",7.465797101449276,8.771527898550726,8.603043478260872,60.69340579710146,63.49275362318841,11.640579710144927,35.6231884057971,11.429527900616536,4.804457971014493,622,28,92,19,9,213,89,138,0.16899999999999998,0.731,0.101,-0.8777,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,2,10,1,2,7,0,13,7,2,1,1,20,17,11,0,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,3,0,1,5,6,0,1,1,1,12,4,19,14,3,15,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,5,77,17,0,0.20271473951363256,0.0,0.1978203438125785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867490241454405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174285922039273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21906261768366864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982939131531366,0.0,0.2281104400051389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226624869597347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520745802860267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072895554964922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900082889673044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220815779192608,0.0,0.0,0.20428877841416596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901865819939242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062337673497283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290099551938431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40572227534831656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16188825283289102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910562429611992,0.2106982324421452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318219713985672,0.0,0.1346746654000214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090552463147303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054164598297446
ptsd,Zacaustin13,2018/04/17,"I think I have some PTSD Hi there, I'm 18 and I recently got tboned at a stop sign. I can't go near 4 way stops without freaking out and it's gotten to a point of I avoid all stop signs while driving. Am I too young to have PTSD/ Any help on me overcoming this?",-1.6167372881355924,0.3183767118644063,0.8862500000000004,101.84429025423731,95.4406779661017,4.305932203389832,15.84957627118644,5.985473137389443,-0.7688491525423733,202,5,52,2,8,68,48,59,0.151,0.7559999999999999,0.093,-0.2887,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,0,1,13,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,8,7,2,14,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,6,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270226031080573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359746782930762,0.0,0.19135485127564986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036822971905682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261742208342545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5593548381717272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623640090973136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6000860985370859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330556133254716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991024818819668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230634211929114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,ThrowMeAwayDaddy69,2018/04/17,"Help- PTSD from repressed memory of being molested (throw away account for privacy)
I got high with my friends and in the middle of the night I felt as though something triggered me to relive something I'd experienced but had no memory of. I experienced being molested by my uncle when I was 3-4, but I have no idea if this actually happened. I read up on repressed memories and this seemed pretty plausible. Plus, the affects of this trauma (even though I didn't know about it) seem to match up with what I researched. Depression without a known source? check. Anxiety about the room I saw it happen in? check. Anxiety when around my uncle? Big check.

I keep reliving it now, it's almost all I can think of. I don't know if I should come forward about it to anyone because I'm not even sure if it happened myself. My friend said that it may have just been the drugs fucking with my mind, but even now when I'm sober I still have breakdowns and vividly remember all of it. If my tone is off or my writing doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, I'm not in the best of places to be dealing with this stuff. 

Is there any advice that you guys have? Does my situation make sense? Or am I just making it all up like it kind of seems like I'm doing? Thanks for your time.",3.317499999999999,4.88041559126984,4.401777777777777,85.94600000000004,73.64285714285714,7.5796825396825405,25.69523809523809,8.238735603445708,1.5375533333333329,987,33,202,16,20,322,142,252,0.146,0.768,0.086,-0.9335,0,0,3,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,0,1,18,15,3,2,7,0,20,2,0,5,4,51,45,19,0,5,14,0,1,2,2,2,1,1,1,1,18,10,0,3,10,1,4,3,8,7,0,0,8,6,27,8,36,32,4,26,0,1,2,1,9,16,1,11,11,142,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.11516863559452295,0.0,0.0,0.11532591573218695,0.0,0.0,0.11817807363221194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025635104804378,0.0,0.18056703801963286,0.0,0.0,0.08252099550057088,0.0,0.0,0.10506112509968303,0.0,0.0,0.11088188439018977,0.0,0.0,0.07194273480128327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238527086929318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166213809066599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121671472931465,0.10164881157444547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327842951749182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686352097133514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233849514431083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331587811118622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236097359738387,0.10910582634132153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438985106530083,0.0,0.0,0.11685646800598053,0.3130890327396189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910504080705241,0.12469259613290695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332280631053907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048999047015848,0.0,0.12289768396373613,0.12971931623133398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531535897388208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363339828506645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916463193418983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075198661297278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330378953605885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006683004094655,0.0,0.0,0.13795683651528964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805003154170655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336914944413556,0.0,0.1122622334266706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223177214464128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265728261064655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171218946792692,0.0,0.1321115941388945,0.0,0.0,0.09424940245382236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510248224224786,0.0,0.0,0.11123065706782916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865520488011568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562122938193235,0.2319043566215679,0.0,0.068817299786515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376523129373252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,fkingjudd,2018/04/17,"PTSD is ending my marriage, need help ! Sorry for any grammar mistakes because first its not my native second i just want to let it out in one sitting. Im a 27 old male married and have a daughter. I have ptsd for being raped at 5-6 years old. 3 years ago i tried emdr therapy but it didnt work out. Because of this traumatic event i have and always had sexual problems with women and particullary with my wife. I like woman i like to have sex(when i can which is once a month if im lucky) but my feelings and emotions just cant get along with my body. Almost never had sponteus erections all my life and wanted to be a erectile dysfunction man because somethings in my brain is not normal and i need help. Now im over all this crap and think very clearly about my self and my relationship and my wife. I have put her through hell for 5 years and did everything we can to get through this together but my breakdowns and crisis’ has taken a toll on our marriage. We love each other very much but she cant just be with someone who is impotence and i dont want this for her too, she deserves better. My real deal is not erectile dysfunction tough the problem is the trauma that causes all this. I just cant seem to heal myself and my bodys response towards sex. I just need real help, the only reason im not suicidal is that i have a daughter to look after. Today is the day its over, nothing ever hurts this much not even my trauma. I need help and i know it takes time but is there a way to erase this programming of my brain towards sexuality, can i be cured or accept this fate and move on ? Thank you...",3.308742331288343,4.674073641104297,4.408483435582824,86.68160858895706,73.32515337423314,6.811092024539878,26.230184049079753,7.24861992348623,1.2198278773006126,1261,43,256,13,25,412,169,326,0.123,0.733,0.145,0.7087,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,3,1,0,3,11,17,3,0,11,0,32,10,5,2,6,70,50,22,1,12,17,4,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,5,18,25,0,0,6,0,0,2,11,10,0,3,5,2,40,7,33,40,6,32,1,1,1,3,27,11,2,5,19,181,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127126050428403,0.0,0.0918070694950729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628742488925894,0.0,0.0,0.06234744036376295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766693136636268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108597622668308,0.0,0.2036778200435224,0.0,0.2046966273801423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418347934901128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912781408887668,0.09452092954020014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745154572987786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031307973050755,0.08120373803932315,0.0,0.0,0.06055561736316215,0.08293233146547714,0.0,0.0,0.08239857888988288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04635757280880473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0779853333708556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580094622691024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24581216313900436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814832170658748,0.0,0.3961325792712185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503864630471406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375186331160427,0.06475826515626004,0.08958315912401894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699045174466229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274729648409522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318032736577144,0.09744429508232864,0.1347947979426733,0.2719265049346258,0.07071141883594173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982966698667894,0.08797210861272099,0.0,0.1924113284136056,0.09763917793676473,0.0621266305029235,0.06972889231515005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545609382195565,0.21434454781681894,0.09216652576370896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087101712864181,0.0,0.09426517669828244,0.0,0.09843300391316637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346456761631373,0.0956451440575827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768252948188616,0.07058189008268223,0.0,0.1026313759518618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002860902975502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893404716126318,0.0,0.0,0.08440919401406775,0.1048472592993374,0.0,0.0,0.05874662911477317,0.0,0.0,0.05346097147958389,0.0,0.08690456365518452,0.0,0.0,0.06224659542178663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512958052210744,0.162230652871981,0.0727735303170502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667461622291481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712213026875964
ptsd,myfavoritebandis,2018/04/17,"tw: sex So I[18f] have been trying to feel myself again after a traumatic incident that happened 3ish weeks ago. I have been having sex and masturbating constantly.  I know it's strange, but at first I was ok.  Now, today, after masturbating I feel extremely nauseous and emotional.  I guess I'm asking why?  How come I'm feeling like this now?  What can I do to settle myself down again? I'm writing this doubled over in bed.  What can I do to prevent this feeling ??  I've also had several nightmares and flashbacks.  I'm angry that it's still hurting me.  I just want to feel better and stop thinking about it. ",2.399383289124671,5.061732956896552,3.860689655172415,83.2763527851459,81.5,6.327851458885943,26.16445623342176,7.61054688173877,1.7915074270557032,477,20,85,8,13,157,75,116,0.119,0.722,0.158,0.403,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,1,1,11,2,0,1,0,20,27,8,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,5,11,3,11,23,1,18,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,1,14,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188269008429656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408507825730992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918187665567196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146802932191544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767473173564616,0.0,0.2217303456460314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308036903573889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5187344207488692,0.1465830507087266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452888182857945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603263033520266,0.0,0.1814429890673913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196530565477336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276342197699585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024223733349924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317988210788124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385971571152774,0.17154249674021455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147322768810965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448985680951453,0.0,0.0,0.13930604931747825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102247615125986,0.0,0.16458573437771248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514609005548524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,arockthatdoesntroll,2018/04/17,"Having a bad day. Long time lurker, first time posting.

I've been going through a lot over the past couple of weeks, and the stress has built up to the point that my emotions are overwhelming me. I'm having to confront the job hunting process, something that my abusive ex was very controlling about. Now that I'm on my own and have the freedom to pursue the career of my choice, I should feel elated. Instead, I'm terrified and constantly triggered.

Additionally, my roommate's dog (who is poorly trained) has been making things worse. One way my symptoms manifest is in nerve pain, and he dog constantly pushing up on me and tries to mouth my hands. When she's not here (like right now) it's 1000x worse, as he doesn't take commands from me. I know - I'm moving out at the end of the month whether I find a job or not, but its just not helping the situation any. 

And my therapist is out for the week, so I really don't have anyone to call on for support. Friends? Nope. None.

I know it'll get better and things will improve because -hey - I made it this far. But for the moment I'm feeling pretty shirty and just needed to vent. ",2.858273542600898,4.906830017937222,3.627558295964125,88.91416255605381,76.17488789237669,6.25372197309417,25.499775784753364,7.1686216300943375,1.108024394618834,886,32,178,10,20,281,141,223,0.083,0.8009999999999999,0.115,0.9094,2,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,1,2,14,0,18,4,2,4,0,32,34,15,0,2,9,1,3,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,11,11,0,1,5,0,1,3,7,5,0,2,4,3,18,4,26,27,3,34,0,1,0,0,9,13,0,2,17,115,29,3,0.0,0.15946772045643332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152614747502777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410879893418042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237743603739862,0.08204511255735147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903434968588453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743193686299573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908890078128408,0.1509546772986421,0.0,0.1489218155578188,0.0,0.08679973068020154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139618416232026,0.1192072242252038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610598994049605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301326816397133,0.114482600750658,0.0,0.0,0.1039842775381864,0.0,0.0703179752164102,0.0,0.07649087624565107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021316738646873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671205843386984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479348252531627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575411424611832,0.0,0.0,0.11910834699448418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442402030943165,0.0,0.1273527744673767,0.0898401961767147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742884384141152,0.14304838932071032,0.0,0.09979714182252476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120199822737272,0.0,0.14321376908416844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848185049115296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272315151097544,0.0,0.12890048372232105,0.13692691294435108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622211331059179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493954177715827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512853481787398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361433353290396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417294982698607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273169136453044,0.0,0.13989105131464916,0.101195297348555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562699306933071,0.17883188017185428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15696159236851562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137810693033843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105124845722997,0.0,0.10683166508866022,0.21592074298079936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27431841230881426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,plaskeb4414,2018/04/18,"Help on how to deal/get rid of ptsd About one year ago my dad passed away and I was there when he did. He got the death rattle before he passed. Now when my husband snores at night I wake up with such anxiety and flashbacks of my dads passing. I’m not even sure if this is ptsd, but I don’t know how to fix it or make it go away. I’ve tried ear plugs but they fall out and are uncomfortable to sleep with. Any suggestions? Thank you! ",-0.5382258064516137,1.6248150967741957,0.7550806451612893,103.45262096774192,91.58064516129032,4.390322580645162,14.201612903225806,5.985473137389443,-1.1069419354838708,336,6,85,3,12,105,72,93,0.095,0.85,0.054000000000000006,-0.4354,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,9,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,3,3,1,16,11,11,1,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,3,1,8,2,14,8,0,17,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,6,48,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607566094787668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041990861072893,0.0,0.16921325852930885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41563920359582057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18822030724795688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280419131929852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460969428173549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155650455912595,0.0,0.12570998487142346,0.0,0.17690952286783468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826207338683686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156276380471645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764910871134956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20757614179103775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988718106178656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5171292855921824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135433750900796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20847328656692046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364626318935294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017660933705498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244206601222126
ptsd,AmmoniaBologna,2018/04/18,"Should I be afraid? My abuser called my mother and said he ""hadnt done anythinf YET "".  What do I do and should I worry? I can't call the police as there is no recording of the chat. I don't know how he got her number. I haven't seen him in almost a decade. Am I over reacting?",-0.8581030444964846,1.0460443606557384,1.542997658079628,99.52114754098362,89.0,4.141451990632318,13.632318501170962,5.288315135182226,-1.2504304449648709,210,3,52,1,7,71,46,61,0.163,0.8140000000000001,0.023,-0.8377,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,12,0,0,2,0,8,16,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,2,11,0,4,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,1,1,37,12,0,0.0,0.365607734452278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089905996986549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6301736669220862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31577661165611115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467934684474695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958327413408664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29352293334863083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133701637353842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,shatter-me,2018/04/18,"PTSD is Screaming at Me Today. If someone asks you “do you want to go to (insert location/event/etc here) with me?” do you feel that they want you to go with them? I do not see any other reason to ask.

My ex used to shoot back with ""Do you want me to go with you?"" all the time, no matter what it was. I almost wonder if I blocked out him asking me that about our own wedding. I unloaded a terrible memory of this on my current BF today and he took it like a champ, I just could not stop chasing myself in circles over this and knew if I heard any sort of similar phrase I would lose it.

I just needed to throw this out in the open, where others who might understand could 'hear' it.",2.88020979020979,3.5525496433566452,4.262524475524476,89.97224825174825,73.54545454545455,7.398321678321679,22.69160839160839,7.554174236665415,0.6950509090909094,521,12,119,6,10,173,92,143,0.105,0.809,0.086,-0.7085,1,0,0,1,0,0,18.0,1,6,2,2,6,5,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,2,1,36,29,5,0,10,7,1,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,13,9,0,2,5,0,0,5,3,3,0,0,4,5,25,2,21,21,2,20,0,1,1,0,20,9,0,7,7,88,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603724149328213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21782221414993186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44917080421444733,0.0,0.0,0.12314955247223372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25574197629087325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861551287152622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809793400732729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27305987118012515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18050668125558544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824379780906279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17917283284760505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698994815081356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875313774977896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872129943267152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646663390337712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762305174890898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569907981616572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338970157454548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933878528961834,0.0,0.3036170268524476,0.0,0.17793844933851974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672733249658622,0.0,0.13832277177813085,0.0,0.0,0.2833912651857832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368160880863953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376974165156027,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,brendaw95,2018/04/19,"How to deal with PTSD (stuck in the same situation that gave me PTSD) Hey guys I have PTSD from years of emotional abuse and neglect by my narcissistic parents. I am living in their house again now due to some financial hardships (Im 22), I am constantly being triggered and am experiencing intensified symptoms. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this situation? 
I feel completely trapped, I need to figure out how to manage these symptoms because they're really getting in the way of my functioning. Sorry for the lack of detail/emotion but I am so drained. ",6.5697142857142845,7.818062161904758,7.0047619047619065,71.55857142857144,65.47619047619048,10.19047619047619,35.0,10.290406445055957,3.8249999999999993,457,21,78,11,7,149,75,105,0.135,0.852,0.012,-0.8959,1,1,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,4,0,17,12,7,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,10,0,18,9,3,11,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,53,13,1,0.0,0.17465004293860908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024000807665767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306854407720648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985631944841899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455064934532936,0.15929172863156865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30393481064315525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289945340622391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33162009200369297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453206491969565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770126854246799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595347463177116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008482115046766,0.0,0.0,0.15922198535295895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301607356058246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929845271862516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367507897991693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169233671579884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944309967487528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33137731548144683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500709402518615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064191053700486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700270651347923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949235641704308
ptsd,HBB4,2018/04/19,"Is it my PTSD or am I being abused? This is my first post here! I’ve been looking for a forum where I could talk to others who understand & this platform has helped me so much already.

I battle with PTSD/GAD/MDD. I can’t hold a job long enough or hold anything that isn’t retail. I have all these goals and aspirations, I’m constantly applying places but once I get to the interview or even my first day.. I tend to crumble under anxiety, stress and just my thoughts.  It’s been like this for a few years now but not as bad till I reconnected with a guy I liked in high school. My family is constantly putting me down about quitting jobs & my bf who I live with does the same . 

I’ve known my bf since I was 15 and I’m currently 23 and he is 25. In high school my now bf had a gf and I was in 9th grade New to town and knew no one. Rumors spread that he liked me and I was shy / had no idea who he was but I’d heard it from kids in class and it was a big deal to them bc he had a gf who was a popular mean girl. From that point on till I was in 12th grade I was bullied to the point where I wanted to kill my self. No one got in trouble / the laws weren’t fully established then I don’t think ? It was 11/12 numbers texting me telling me to kill myself & a bunch of other horrible things. A lot of that contributed to my PTSD.  I ended up knowing him in high school where I had this deep love for him. Flash forward 5 years and we buy a house together. 

He’s an alcoholic - meaning not every single day (now present day ) but when he drinks he blacks out every time. He can still have a beer here and there and that’s it. But when there is a party or family get together even in the day time he will get SMASHED. We have been together 3 years now and bought a house together. The first year-  his drinking was scary & he would be gone 5 nights a week maybe 6. In those times he has put his hands on me- grabbing me too hard. Punching doors next to my face etc. I ended up quitting my job and spiraling into one of the darkest times of my life. I hadn’t seen my friends in over a year physically and family was rare. I was absolutely 100% in the worst depression of my life. I admitted myself to the hospital bc I could never even get up. —-

******this is where I’m confused. Is it my depression or am I in a toxic relationship and I’m having a hard time seeing it?*********

During our relationship he emotionally cheated a lot. Texting inappropriate things, inappropriate on social media. He even crushed up melatonin which I forgot to take one night and left on the counter and sent a pic to his friends implying I was crazy and on drugs. I do not touch drugs and I barely drink bc it effects my anxiety. I don’t even ever have coffee. Almost everything he did to ME..he told people I did to him. —-I found all of this out by reading through his phone after he blacked out and basically threw me off a couch. I only did it because he told me not to....and for him to be that drunk and say “ don’t go in my phone “ I knew something was up and I knew it was over from that sentence on. I found out he cheated on me then read his phone. He told his friends about problems or situations I had NO IDEA about because he’d never voiced them or had any type of conversation or hint about. I left him and our new home and got the courage get another job where I was working full time and making the most money ( for me ) I ever had. I saw friends and family more -& for once I felt I had my life back. I took it back!!!
——-Well, We got back together. I had gone on dates here and there to try to get over things but realized that may be immature and just stayed focusing on myself. I found out some girl who was a friend of a friend, who I’d helped out sometimes with money when I bartended.. had been in my home posting pictures there and had sex in the bed I picked out for my bf and I. He lied about it and I found out a month or two later. We were broken up so it was okay, kind of hurt but it was fair. But he lied / swore on his brothers grave. Fast forward.. I try to trust him again and guess what!?? I quit my job again!!!! 

I can’t find anyone who understands my anxiety level, so their negative reactions send me into a downward spiral. Most of my resume is a lie and I can’t help but feel extremely lazy!? Because I know my family and boyfriend must think it’s simply because of that!??? Maybe parts of me are? But I spend all hours of the night applying online and constantly thinking of a game plan- “how am I going to get out of this rut, follow dreams and work hard/ be a productive member of society/ be healthy and make money for my house hold. “.. I think that into the ground and become so exhausted by it. I have to be accountable and I’ve been jobless for 6 months now. I’m a certified makeup artist and work part time freelancing but it’s not steady money monthly anyways. I’m currently in school to become an Esthetician and I feel my drive slowing down and it’s my dream. I don’t want to give this up. I’m scared. I’m really sad, I don’t know where to run to & Idk what to do. Has this happened to anyone else? Am I being abused emotionally? Am I that girl that’s in an unhealthy relationship. Things seem to never change. But when I broke up with him I got a job? Maybe I need to hear it from someone else. I’m desperate. Thanks for reading this. 
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ptsd,HercanDewit,2018/04/19,"Searching for a PTSD support group for my son who has no health insurance. Almost a month ago, my son (18 yrs old) was a victim of a robbery and was shot through the bicep. His recovery is painful to say the least. I'm a few states away and was just told the news of this incident only a week ago because he ""didn't want to worry me"" ??!! I'm flying out next week to be with him but from what I've heard from those around him, he's in a dark place. The pain is excruciating, he doesn't like to venture out, and he can barely hold it together emotionally.. I've tried to ask him if he wants to talk about it, but he only changes the subject because it's too upsetting/traumatic so I don't press the issue. I feel helpless and I want to have a plan when I go see him, something I can do to help him. He has no insurance and was discharged with various pain meds which I'm also going to inspect when I get down there, so far I know he takes oxycodone and toradol, and is on some other medication for nerve damage/pain? Gabbapentin? Is there anything I can do?",4.093833551769329,4.442937977064221,5.1516644823066855,85.86211009174312,70.60550458715595,8.24692005242464,28.87418086500655,8.192908349453996,1.7302859764089131,821,29,180,11,14,271,129,218,0.154,0.8140000000000001,0.033,-0.9783,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,11,7,1,0,14,0,20,6,1,0,0,25,37,15,0,4,4,2,2,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,9,12,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,7,5,17,2,27,29,4,21,0,1,1,0,24,9,0,3,10,112,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23403001991550704,0.0,0.1321845518883252,0.0,0.0,0.1055648399377595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862937077428199,0.11751298117622687,0.12340742743751874,0.0,0.12402361749663242,0.0,0.0,0.16093879125029453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964443379772248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484885456276188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674600357101178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896748375222503,0.0,0.15004366233327698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031579231471045,0.0,0.0,0.08848057892473353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777956241959713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254683191343322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644912739872635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662847599927395,0.13298176603457573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536561980561407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403894655522347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851768368423312,0.0,0.0,0.20079243210877248,0.5618531114987091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791776820360774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430749591888726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497616069497663,0.0,0.0,0.10519138165448648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162436905265873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979840375402165,0.0,0.0,0.09925179165368382,0.1061011103541078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261370189000988,0.0,0.0896231452289665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23358098968167285,0.0,0.21177387840685988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405810632728182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,nekoshonenbutler,2018/04/19,"I'm feeling overwhelmed I don't know what to do. I was going strong for a while, but now I'm sitting here, too exhausted to do anything but sleep. I have responsibilities... But I've been neglecting them because I just can't get enough energy to start more than one or two tasks a day. Stuff is piling up and I can't handle it fast enough. 

All the while feeling more and more alone. Is it my 10 year HS reunion? Is the idea of how very little I've accomplished in 10 years causing me to feel lost? Is it the hyper vigilance that's draining my motivation and energy? Is it the loneliness of realizing with every new wedding invitation that I will never have a romantic relationship because of how damaged I am? Is it the feeling of guilt that I'm dragging my roommate and best friend down by being in this state?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. 

I'm so useless. Stuff normal people do every day is a colossal effort that I can only get done if I hype myself up and pump my body full of caffeine. I barely take care of myself. Even writing this is exhausting.

Its moments like this that I feel like I should just kill myself.",2.6825109170305685,4.569681563318781,4.385543668122272,84.01412336244545,76.16157205240174,7.0254148471615725,25.423799126637554,7.908726449838941,1.4930644541484717,894,32,178,14,20,301,127,229,0.182,0.6779999999999999,0.14,-0.9311,0,1,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,6,9,15,1,2,9,0,27,4,2,4,2,34,47,15,1,3,7,0,5,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,17,6,0,1,12,0,0,1,7,9,0,2,4,5,24,6,19,40,8,22,0,5,0,0,5,7,0,2,14,128,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215569458928826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294989199030135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733981757605895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440415751237628,0.0,0.0,0.15246033746465795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994151444665198,0.14099959477254406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703737181812773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046041661493444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28364402394618976,0.0,0.09065621241032153,0.0,0.2312879927042581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470034779910045,0.0980556261083062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604355025934596,0.0,0.1434210616361396,0.0,0.07800567808492352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494517853434506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185329198971328,0.0,0.3017289622670187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411257709140476,0.13756644738342205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983100381223352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586019406559638,0.13256258151095598,0.0,0.0,0.13448161748982226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300813461174967,0.10438927960965938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515594313508637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736144555214287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373550017692693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715041634578096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31425028246336884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319933796193506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340790479812746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325047330172346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677656963311894
ptsd,Afuckindragonyo,2018/04/19,"How do you deal with the anger? It’s weird because I haven’t had the thought pattern that leads to it in a while. But it just happened and now I just feel like fucking smashing something. Or ranting, but I’ve learned that people don’t give a shit so that’s pointless (but seriously how can the people who did this to me be so fucking cruel and deluded and why the duck couldn’t they just leave me alone. What is the fucking point to going out of your way to destroy someone when he’s down. Fucking pathetic and I hope they all die slow painful deaths and no one shows up to their funeral other than one dude that takes a shit on their casket before it’s lowered into the ground.)

Edit: and I probably didn’t get angry about it because of the heroin. Goddammit. I hate this.",4.198986013986012,5.255403910256412,4.615268065268065,87.23276223776224,70.7948717948718,6.9547785547785566,29.566433566433567,6.980632752743323,1.512546153846154,614,24,124,5,11,194,101,156,0.34700000000000003,0.622,0.031,-0.9962,1,1,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,4,1,10,15,10,0,10,0,10,7,2,3,1,25,23,16,4,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,13,0,2,4,1,13,2,16,17,1,15,0,0,0,4,10,8,6,2,5,87,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255208990222975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134961247550294,0.0,0.1335522521539789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180778544954755,0.0,0.0,0.16288854272918735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935825675326905,0.11212457578029283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5803882114545083,0.08199950544474255,0.15056002226650395,0.08919787584717936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878970371489482,0.0,0.0,0.154954891375931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588601901869192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661865943938925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667747588785108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127057477750462,0.0,0.16700506807310322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761769682058948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483677720224004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921783734606752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222123000405663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329825904667735,0.12082720073404404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800630365674508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246001733435188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457900950856927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416222865091134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Starbuckbunny7,2018/04/20,My therapist gave up on me I have been seeing him since October. We've gotten into some really rough areas relating to my trauma. I haven't been doing well lately but he said it often gets worse before it gets better. I trusted him. I get a call from the director today saying my case is too advanced for them and they can't provide services anymore. I'm beyond devesated and feeling suicidal. I don't know how I'm supposed to start over with someone else.,2.224,4.823114511111111,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,81.66666666666667,6.711111111111113,24.555555555555557,7.908726449838941,1.8996888888888888,366,14,62,7,10,125,72,90,0.14300000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.128,-0.3521,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,10,20,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,5,5,13,3,10,15,1,10,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,2,3,43,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318737231276887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895254054171435,0.0,0.0,0.20678329578356908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23874309327889415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19531575120448336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821984683433998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36646353022754985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284942153577492,0.0,0.26374448553819396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978275436323707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240400300513025,0.18593271468925898,0.0,0.0,0.18631391187721835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340757061763786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981039165904827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654898015256826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557469150399391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714679534596883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216217023892533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21022057657304946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382693127698885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,leopardspot_polkadot,2018/04/20,"Suspected PTSD in child - child sexual abuse TW I'm not really sure what I'm hoping for here but my 5 year old child disclosed what amounts to child sexual abuse at the hands of her father two years ago. She is exhibiting a lot of negative behaviours which appear to be closely linked and her educational psychologist believes she has PTSD. No further investigation has been done but the patterns of behaviour support the theory intensely.
My quandary is... what am I supposed to do to help? She is becoming more distressed, for more prolonged periods as time goes on and the intensity is increasing. It is very hard to deal with.
She has play therapy and one-one support at all times at home, and most of the time at school. Her school understands and are working very hard to support her and make her feel safe.
She no longer makes disclosures about the abuse and I believe that any memories are cloudy, at least.

Edit to clarify - the disclosures were originally made two years ago",5.723695131683957,7.802439122905032,5.9427972865123735,75.2284497206704,68.38547486033521,10.477414205905829,32.33878691141261,10.608840637214634,3.8722127693535517,789,35,138,24,14,251,110,179,0.16899999999999998,0.722,0.108,-0.9195,0,0,0,0,3,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,1,8,0,16,1,1,4,2,27,28,10,0,1,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,9,0,1,4,1,0,2,4,1,0,2,4,4,14,7,23,23,8,22,0,0,0,0,17,9,0,4,11,89,20,4,0.0,0.41258846098945096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578635845595356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893474662443678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819533831344826,0.0,0.261552777755095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966787378008142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878467361095026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586908338568084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796018524081367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780239534043222,0.0,0.11643234437491545,0.11528832432988692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986825218808507,0.0,0.10983264631830142,0.1549614687722661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218008258830354,0.0,0.07865519111556829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713701231924789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436039705977995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349474981247792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951604331211549,0.10939898983524396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274148543666567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305219653363027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677614571206184,0.120837810756322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154749546713973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450373219769777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242448189175541
ptsd,Azazel1661,2018/04/20,"Post cancer treatment questions? Sorta long story will tl:dr at the end. I am now an 18 year old man that went through chemo for 9 months. Before cancer, I always had insomnia, but afterwards it got worse. I can only sleep every other day or so. When I can sleep it's restless and I wake up in an hour or so from a night terror. I'm a year out of chemo and it's been getting worse. During the treatment I did have that idea in my head that I could die. Now I just have the paranoia that it's going to come back. All that compounded on the mental state that has me wanting to die more and more each day has left me in shambles. I just want some advice that could help me at least sleep.

Tl:Dr time I was diagnosed with cancer at 16 and now I'm 18 and my mental state has gone down the tubes. Just read it.",0.7867801857585164,2.714068888888889,2.341128310973513,96.19371517027865,82.33333333333333,4.959201926384589,17.661162710698317,5.900188976854957,-0.4890711386308912,624,13,143,4,17,203,102,171,0.22,0.753,0.027000000000000003,-0.9903,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,9,0,15,10,5,0,1,24,25,11,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,13,9,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,7,0,15,0,17,15,6,35,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,5,17,93,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882646827039055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821132918949676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092409426531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088876234089678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237835267415892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268582711437848,0.0,0.0,0.18324324108886467,0.0,0.0,0.14419526389021325,0.2948867430156187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258294118947988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969778180960955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074224272267244,0.0,0.0807400896704476,0.0,0.11362415447360427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580198048628235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522468014154443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399076197439578,0.0,0.0,0.16037662790709653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435647813271308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572504184615366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863407381791359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133967201145932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333204861872812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907567607575362,0.0,0.0,0.1080485421476814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136061150363616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914782879698391,0.0,0.14210569111110366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4265095348877704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828405534403244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16758988469476102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316977600717531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895573210187633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829732967422373
ptsd,footbllman62,2018/04/20,"Nightmares about being taken away. Ive had cPTSD my whole life because I was a foster kid. My expierence as a foster kid was not much different than any other foster kid. We were all abused. 
More recently I've found what seems like a cure in microdosing LSD. The problem is that I keep having dreams that I will be locked up for trying to fix myself. As a kid I had dreams that I would be captured and taken away (go figure) but I figured these dreams would start to fade away. It seems like the more progress I make in the real world, the harder the dream would pulls me under. I experienced the same thing when I found a therapist and the LSD itself isn't really significant. If it wasn't that it would be something else but these dreams keep getting worse. It's getting harder and harder to tell the difference. 

The worst part as you all know is nobody really gives a fuck.",3.7445431893687697,5.549629284883722,4.3630564784053165,85.66383720930234,73.01162790697674,7.239867109634551,22.169435215946844,7.957251820313856,1.0005086378737542,695,17,136,10,14,221,100,172,0.117,0.76,0.124,-0.188,1,0,1,0,1,0,15.0,1,1,0,1,2,5,1,0,15,0,20,2,0,1,2,27,36,10,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,4,14,4,0,2,7,5,0,2,3,3,0,0,10,1,16,2,16,17,9,14,0,0,0,1,8,8,1,3,6,97,30,0,0.0,0.16285835597906206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347219527699008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874225409598816,0.0,0.0,0.08378957264180492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872165440715812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482365822467927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014184396679179,0.0,0.1270723247749993,0.14362618098187027,0.13185665504565414,0.07811724101347478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24434762479880234,0.0,0.0,0.07554012299110394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708653909717152,0.1343043835370789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175039693486703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104316714614472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884731543251464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152317215091122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645067201601387,0.1761107712910421,0.0,0.1357174445836583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502626031613644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581740283699016,0.0,0.0,0.09728935988455398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013926305146297,0.0,0.0,0.1595925741512489,0.09131712022368056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332100706374327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346044935174374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400755134504015,0.3905683375690057,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,Starstill,2018/04/20,"Physical symptoms getting out of hand Apologies if I'm not coherent; I'm really worked up right now. So, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD this past December as well as AvPD. I had already been in a long term battle with depression and anxiety, so I wasn't too surprised to have this thrown into the mix. A little backstory on me: I came from an abusive household and was put in foster care at 12, but aged out of the system as an unwanted kid. I've been abused in almost every way you can imagine by parents, foster parents, siblings, significant others, and peers.

My biggest issue right now is my physical symptoms. I thought I was handling everything well, but it's been brought to my attention that I'm not. I'm 24 and the longest I've held a job is 7 months. I work hard, but the stress of the job always eats away at me... physically. I get sick. VERY SICK. It all starts with headaches, then my body gets heavy, I catch fever and cough, headaches become migraines, then I'm throwing up and unable to move. It lasts for weeks, sonetimes months. My brain will be foggy. I'll forget what I'm saying as I say it. I forget important things. I forget to eat.

Even as I write this now, I'm sick. I've been ""sick"" for over a month. I've never noticed the pattern before and now I'm feeling hopeless about the rest of my life. I'm in fine shape physically... But i don't understand how my anxiety and stress can have so much control over my health like it is.

Does this happen to anyone else?? ",2.9481081081081086,4.742929648648651,4.176248648648649,86.20929189189192,75.14864864864866,7.168432432432432,26.70486486486487,7.976525956113202,1.635289891891892,1160,44,233,18,25,380,167,296,0.179,0.7559999999999999,0.065,-0.9889,5,0,0,0,1,1,49.0,0,1,0,3,13,11,1,2,13,0,19,17,3,2,2,38,40,24,0,2,7,2,3,1,0,1,12,2,0,1,13,15,2,2,5,0,0,6,5,5,2,0,13,5,25,6,37,25,4,45,0,2,0,0,8,20,0,2,18,140,38,4,0.0,0.2536927546562261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720325230245227,0.0,0.11814130820779895,0.0,0.08908094009412329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379835226091324,0.0,0.0,0.07485753345776251,0.10969370534299637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058463691874588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182372930383179,0.09109858310517133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891744748323023,0.0,0.11951227890828248,0.0,0.12244597967732973,0.10915289820076078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200747957095076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220901017030518,0.10866174801121928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936872906849182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909438739097348,0.08943332990070534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071088492659305,0.0,0.09020109158647943,0.0,0.09621694375692606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413180707416335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678003621996937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467115046054103,0.0,0.09590305578233922,0.0,0.0,0.11379778552520073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174087275091102,0.2124773486204659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872666645008012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561832303761998,0.05230319441869526,0.10730037106184984,0.0,0.09474307579330957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563583330123575,0.11378584904843432,0.07870004353903272,0.0,0.08256982948944544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218863901520654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23775076694132985,0.0,0.10219909860483314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514522446713486,0.10762298992473154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858417921644921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828541154843812,0.0,0.17027384334947096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577629517218827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24526945154251334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22254877700759848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112466424442387,0.0,0.0,0.08499219641138132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145128854506264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833416897316376,0.0,0.08497776014882584,0.08587557393658117,0.0,0.19251623139078872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587918684313934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0
ptsd,waifhipster-bullshit,2018/04/20,"Tw I was just raped please help me please oh please From my notes folder. Just some facts I wrote down sorry for the format this just happened and I’m sitting feeling dirty and disgusting and awful help please I’m begging for help

Hung out before

Tinder

Weird texts 

Anothey place I didn’t know he said “I take all the whores” and I said I didn’t want to go vehemently many times and he pulled my hair and choked me and called me names and forced himself on me. Manipulative if I didn’t submit and leave my mouth open and mind gone. 

Pushed my head down so I couldn’t see where w were or going on his dick

Choked me  to where I was scared NUMEROUS times. Terrified 

I begged him to use condom and he forced himself inside me said stop and pushed

Room at a hotel

Goes behind the hotel first and literally throws me around and slaps me and forced his penis into me

He leaves to let me check in and go get condoms

He gets into a “ car accident “ (was super low on gas so prob 

Acts like he genuinely likes me as a person. 

I’m genuinely terrified of this individual. 

Reinforces my self doubt

I’m sitting here in the same clothes and underwear. He was inside me while i begged him not to. He laughed about me crying which made me think I was overreacting or playing a game.

No. 

He’s done this with other girls and will do it again 

I’m so ashamed 

Also I’m really mentally messed up about this I have PTSD 
These things have happened before and I am afraid nobody will believe me please help

Please help 

This just happened. So I’m still wearing the panties so.....

I’m shaking I’m shaking. I don’t know what to do 
",1.8246130030959757,4.185460393188858,2.8376006191950482,91.63893962848302,81.29102167182663,5.905263157894738,20.3359133126935,7.1686216300943375,0.43417399380805,1269,35,267,17,34,403,171,323,0.218,0.6679999999999999,0.114,-0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,20,17,2,6,9,1,20,9,5,3,2,51,51,30,0,3,8,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,1,3,11,25,0,1,4,4,1,12,7,12,0,1,16,6,41,5,28,31,3,40,0,1,1,5,30,19,1,5,9,153,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653220658922022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519434839854521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286932691158032,0.1078224684431166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772161441429128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051232627768934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793554350193168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838939686086091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140338281671505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999984308366301,0.0,0.1631675741164953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538847371915599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821703012068414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207324498097104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518974178648567,0.0,0.0,0.2026674828325213,0.0,0.09786095011792262,0.0,0.0935095341764416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055477937051544,0.0,0.09702598515841199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644428975765904,0.0,0.09663091995401067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356258721922911,0.09998737396566852,0.6303070046162302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186956909982862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130863250019191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731012394206533,0.0,0.09581358579928884,0.0,0.07626145747896004,0.0,0.09983721220058232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712964636422057,0.0,0.0,0.07642709347903097,0.08001047955600965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195538427063891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357961780222178,0.06132145792440295,0.0,0.0,0.11160826629824808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826551005776274,0.0,0.0,0.05644704104186009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0